#the attempt to be easier on myself and post sketches

[fredwardrawn]

Yay, I actually colored it~

(Values below)

[vilebird]

BOTH TOO MUCH AND NOT ENOUGH

1) "I have been found wanting, Natalie thought; I have made myself unacceptable and am not worthy." - hangsaman, by shirley jackson

2) text: "meat must be beaten brutal into tenderness, that any body softens with violence, she grinds salt into the carcass, like a wound, a memory". image: a carcass of beef, cleaned, with the ribs on prominent display, painted in oils and rendered in thick strokes of red, orange, tan and white, on a plain dark red background. the text is cutouts on top, dark red text on light tan. - Family Portrait as Unfinished Meal, by Torrin A. Greathouse and Le Bœuf by Chaim Soutine. collage put together by @invisiblemonstrosity

3) a pale hand crushing ripe red strawberries, green leaves still attached, on a plain white background. - apparently by ouiloved on flickr, but they seem to have deleted.

4) bust photo of a tan person with a spotlight on them outside in the dark, head turned down, shoulder length messy wet black hair obscuring their face. their hand is raised to their chest and they are wearing a white tank top. fake blood is splattered and wiped around their chest and mouth. - i can't actually find this one all my attempts lead back to unsourced tumblr posts if you know where its from. help me

5: "You have no one who has any sort of consideration for you. You have had patience and endurance, and what have they done for you? Half-killed you." - carlyle’s house and other sketches, by virginia woolf

6: "try your whole life to be righteous and be good, wind up on your own floor, choking on blood" - sept 15th 1983, by the mountain goats

7: "such a waste of a girl, such rumination. i am obsessive. i contain nothing but the replay. i am blood and blood and replay. i am please don't go." - i put the coffin out to sea, by lisa marie basile

8: an image of a partially bald baby bird begging for food, drawn in the desaturated greens and black of a trailcam, on top, the text reads "i am asking you for something i need", on bottom, the text reads "why is it so hard to give it to me?" - trailcam baby, by @quezify

9: "was i raised without love? / or was i born unloveable?" - @psychwarded

10: "I, in my corner, with my monstrous needs." - As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh, susan sontag

11: "oh, i know that i'm not whole, and sometimes feel the flies swarming, like much of me is rotten." - roadkill ode, chad abushanab

12: a photo of a cut tree where much of the centre is rotted from fungus, accompanied by the text: "heart rot in pine. heart rot is the softening of a pine trees resinous heartwood, caused by an in-dwelling fungus. not all pines have it, but those that do make the excavation of a tree-hole next cavity easier for the red-cockaded woodpecker."

13: "rot made a home inside my body." - i know it's from "bloat" but cant find the authors name again. i think it starts with a c?

14: photo of an abandoned house in shades of brown and beige and orange, the walls are wet and scuffed and the drywall has been torn open in places, exposing the old lath. - abandoned, by @jaggedplains

15: photo of a mouldy strawberry, fading from bright red to grey-green fluff - Strawberry Gray Mold disease stock photo, by MediaProduction on gettyimages

16: "you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they're gonna find out" - tumblr post by @twoheadedfawnn

17: "we are meat, we are potential carcasses,' he once said. 'if i go into a butcher's shop i always think it is surprising that i wasn't there instead of the animal." - francis bacon

18: "you dangle on the leash of your own longing; your need grows teeth." - speeches for dr frankenstein, by margaret atwood

19: photo of a python hanging off a roof coiled around a black and white bird, poised to eat it - i heard some noise on the roof this morning, by candycane7 on reddit

20: "all that matters is that you want to hurt me. all that matters is that you want me." - when rome falls, by yves olade

21: "god told me i was forgiven and then he split me open" - god is made of hunger and i am made of dreams, by katie maria

22: "but this is not about love. once a pig is hung and cut straight, cut from rectum to neck, step inside her death like it is a room: that is how to touch her now. the lord said, you must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses. then came the end of the rib." - oh let's just be hogs, by gregory emilio

23: photo of a strawberry cut in half with its leaves attached. it is bright red, steel knife wet. the background is bright white and plain. - cut strawberry by liz west on flickr

24: photo of a handmade cloth sculpture of a dead autopsied pigeon, red zipper like an incision opening to its empty red interior, small cloth and thread organs arranged around it. - pandora: city pigeon, by jessica bartram

25: '"u need a therapist" actually i need to be euthanized' - tumblr post by deactivated user @122mg

[cyren-myadd]

And if it's possible for you, could you make a story of Avatar 2 by Neytiri and Spider Socorro together mother and son, please?

When I first saw the prompt, I was shocked, because I'd never thought of writing something like that before and it felt out of my comfort zone as I haven't written Neytiri much. I almost deleted it. But for some reason, it kept sitting in the back of my head and I finally decided just to give it a chance and write a little one shot. And that one shot turned into a two shot. Which turned into a three shot. So by the time I realized I had enough for three separate chapters I figured I might as well commit to making this a proper fic.

This was seriously the hardest thing I’ve ever written. When I first decided to attempt the prompt, my first thought was an AU where they adopt Spider right from the beginning, but then I thought it would be more interesting if I tried to keep things canonical but diverge from the main storyline instead. I tried so hard to write both Spider and Neytiri true to how they behave in canon while also trying to create a scenario where they would realistically bond like a mother and son. It’s really difficult since they have such a rocky relationship, I deadass think it would’ve been easier to write a Quaritch X Jake romance that sticks close to canon lmao. I'm not sure if the end result is exactly what anon had in mind, but this is what came of it, so I hope y'all enjoy!

and yes, I know I also said I would continue Special Treatment and Lucky Number Five. I am planning to continue them, my life's just gotten a lot busier, so I can't make any promises about updates unfortunately.

And as for Common Enemy... 😭😭😭 I think I intimidated myself out of finishing it, I might just go back and clean up the sketches and then post the comic as it is right now, you guys will still be able to enjoy the story, it'll just have sketchy art instead of the usual finished product, cause I bit off way more than I could chew with 15 pages.

[zombeebunnie]

Trembling Essence:💙Cabin development progress💙

Helloo guys and welcome new followers it's been a long while, now that spooky month is over here's how the game is coming along!

A very big thank you to the recent influx of interest around 2 weeks or so ago, I wasn't expecting much since I was busy/drawing for Noahween. :,,]

**I'm going to still be busy but in good news not as much as before. Game development posts might be every 1-2 weeks now depending on how things go! :,]

After I posted the previous game development I wasn't able to work on the game until recently and I wanted to give myself another week to re-adjust before saying anything.

Now that I'm getting settled in here's what I've been doing to the game:

Dialog adjustments:

I've been going through and gradually adjusting certain scenarios. I want to keep the foreboding flow with hints of comfort in between so I'm still adding a little more depth on how the player(Y/N) feels/reacts from being back in the cabin again and Noah's attempt at hospitality during this segment. I also cut down the dialog again by combining smaller sentences into one text box unless the situation calls for it to be separated. :]

More CG work in progress:

One quality of life change I really wanted to do back then was add a few CG's of Noah when you're back in the cabin again. Originally there was going to be one or two in the [Extended Demo] but they were scrapped because my art skills weren't where they are now and I still need to practice perspective, etc but enjoy these really really rough sketches, the second one is old but I'm trying to figure out how I want it to look and how I want the pose to be. :,,]

Choices that effects Noah's closeness with the player(Y/N):

Some of Noah's reactions to the player(Y/N)'s decisions give a neutral response versus a negative one that effects closeness are still being worked on. I'm going through everything but the process will need a lot of careful planning. Just have to make sure all the variables line up. :]

If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do on kofi! All donations and tips help tremendously while I continue to work on the game. Thank you to those that optionally bought the [Extended Demo] and the March 2023 demo on itch.io. :,]

Q&A / Ask box is open:

To know and understand Noah through Asks and random posts about lore, they'll be under #Get to know: Noah ! :]

**Some asks won't be answered if it contains spoilers but I do appreciate what I receive. :,,]

If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I enjoy hearing from you guys!

Thank you to everyone for the continued support during this long game development absence! >:]

[pluralthey]

is there a good place to start if we want to learn about idletry? im very interested in the story and all the bits and pieces revealed so far but i dont know if youve like, stated the basics both about the characters-in-story and how you’re releasing the comic

hi there. unfortunately, idletry became a passion project very abruptly and many details were added very quickly without regard for how long the project would take. once i did realize how large the project was, i decided that i would not even kid myself on the idea of holding in spoilers for the next 5 years, and those two factors combined make the information available very chaotic and slapdash -- somewhat intentionally.

i don't even have the comics tagged separately for easier access among the idletry content -- although, i could go back and give them a separate tag.

i can summarize the story and say that it's about a funny little talking honey badger/tasmanian devil named jessie gaylord who has for the last 10 years of her life been on heavy psychiatric medication in an attempt to mitigate a pervasive delusion that the world is a fictional story. she also has a notorious aggressive streak. these medications work primarily by leaving her so tired that she sleeps most of the time.

the story begins when her medical team has run out of typical medications to try, and they must order an older, more aggressive type of drug which is not commonly used anymore, and has a lengthier process to manufacturing and approving the drug. during this time, she is not on any medication, and she becomes more urgently fixated on convincing people that the delusion is true.

she ends up attempting to contact the writer, who is referred to as God, and she receives a response. she immediately attempts to write the story herself, and she's granted the ability to do anything within the story so long as she can write it out. (the intricacies and limitations of this power have been elaborated upon in a bunch of fragmentary posts, so i won't try to condense it here)

at the end of the first act, she kills the first writer and becomes the new God of her world. the rest of the story is about what she does after acquiring omnipotence, and it heavily features a character named fate -- or shiloh, as jessie calls her -- with whom she enters an intimate relationship.

she has a happy loving family composed of a father named adam, a mother named evelyn, and an older sister named emily. there is a later minor subplot about a cult following who worships her after she becomes God, and this cult is initially organized by an ant called samanthuel -- or samwich, as jessie calls them. these are usually the other characters i mention and i am too lazy to link them right now

the comic itself is currently being written. the script stands at around 51,000 words at the time of writing this as i work on the second act. after it's written, i will let it simmer for a few months and then write a second draft to start to relieve the story of its bloat. depending on its length at that point, i will either need to write a third draft, or i will start drawing the comic.

chances are, during the second draft, i will start to thumbnail or sketch scenes which receive little to no editing, as i know they will likely remain relatively unchanged even through multiple drafts.

the sketch strips are to tide me and an eager audience over in the meantime, but they've sort of dried up as i focus all of my attention on finishing the first draft and taking care of a puppy that was kind of just forced onto me.

i've made a couple of full-length comics before and they have taken years. it is, unfortunately, just the nature of the process. for idletry, i plan to self-publish the comic. i've never published something in print before, so that is the most daunting part for me.

the plan at the moment is to crowdfund this, but, to be frank with you, i no longer pay rent, and i care very much about having this comic as a printed book. i have no issue with paying the cost of printing out of my own pocket by the time it's done and am even anticipating that outcome ahead of time, despite having a pretty reliable audience by now.

i'm on the fence about releasing a digital book version, as i very much want to retain digital color versions of the pages that are more vibrant, but due to the explicit adult content of the story, i don't want it to be free-access.

tl;dr: it's about a lesbian incel with anger issues who's given omnipotence.

i'm still working on the story because i want it to be good.

i'm planning on printing it as a physical comic book once it's done.

[blacklem0ns]

for all the artists out there, doesn’t matter who you are. beginner, advanced, traditional, or digital. i just wanna know what you do to, well, stay motivated. i’ve always wanted to learn how to draw since i was young, but there are so many elements that go into learning art that even attempting it seemed so daunting to me. and as the years passed and i got older and older (i’m 16 now) the window of time for when i was “young enough” to learn how to draw got smaller and smaller. a lot of talented artists i look up to now have been doing it since they were in elementary school and i’ve only really started last month. it’s easier for us to pick up hobbies when we’re younger cause our brains are more “malleable” for lack of a better term. but if i don’t start now, years will pass and i’ll still regret not starting sooner. i really want to learn, but i’m kinda struggling to find to motivate myself to keep going.

i might post my sketches on here at some point for constructive feedback since i don’t have any artists in my personal life right now to give me pointers. but ppl can be kinda mean to beginner artist so i’m little scared 🙇🏾‍♀️ but yeah i just wanted to get this off my chest cause i’ve been thinking about it all month

[radar-chaos]

Big News!

I have a big announcement to make for everyone!

So, I know that over the past few months, I have been sparse to nonexistent. To make an incredibly tedious story short, I have had the life luck of an AO3 auther of late with my second semester's college finals, a mental burnout bad enough to deter my artwork since late March / early April, and other life troubles that have been kicking my way too patient ass. (Including the added mental strain of being a closeted Trans and Gay man in a family that thinks that both of those things deserve jail time and conversion camps.)

As such I have been thinking deeply about matters and considering with my Darling Squish about some changes that will, hopefully, allow me to return to the saddle with a much better workload.

On this blog, I will continue to drop doodles, sketches, artwork, and a new surprise you'll find down below, in an attempt to bring back my passion after crawling out of this minor burnout. I may still have some dips, but I no longer intend to allow myself to just- drop off the face of the earth again. Lol.

And I will also be beginning a new blog: A dedicated blog for the CvF askblog. Under the pressure that I have been, my Squish and I have agreed to shift the ask blog into a webcomic (easier to do since I already have a relatively solid storyline for it), though I will still be allowing in asks in case there is something in particular that you'd like to know. (Will update this post when I have the link to the Blog.) This is in an attempt to update CvF more regularly whilst still saving my sanity.

As well as both of those things, back on this blog, I will soon be opening up my Tumblr (and other site accounts) to commissions! As I love my artwork dearly and while always have the passion to create, this is something I've wanted to do for a few years now. This is also partly for the benefit of me and my Darling Squish, as both of us are attempting to move out of our homes and need the supplies to manage it safely.

In the meantime, I apologize deeply for my absence, as I recognize that there *are* those who quite like it when I post, and I greatly appreciate your support. I hope that the rollout of these new changes will help to inspire you all once again as I work to improve my work and effort.

[nekroschafis-obsessions]

Most busy sheepi! (Obsession + insomnia is heavy atm) Also sorry my current focus is almost exclusively on the two projects I am working on (the sheep decorations last 4 pieces at my workplace / desk) and the digital project which for me is a totally new topic so I can barely find time to think of something else (or sleep) which means I can barely find the time for any of my other obsessions (unless it comes to random topics infodumping in conversations with my workmates or friends) so….I want to „apologize“ for being „gone“ but I can assure you the SP fandom and my obsession with my favourite characters will NEVER end! It‘s just currently resting because my mind can‘t split its focus endlessly, especially when there is so much new to learn and troubleshoot in my project. (and focusing on THIS plus a single-topic internet forum helps me distract from my waiting time as long as my housing situation is on hold). I also happened to stumple upon clips of the South Park End of obesity which already makes me excited for when I will take the time to finally watch it and focus on one of my many favourite cartoons again. At the moment I CAN‘T but I can be sure I won‘t out of future fandom inspiration that soon. \o/ And maybe when I become less busy with single topics / activities I will probably return to my other websites including this one again. After all I did have fun here and it‘s always nice to read about fandom stuff. Also I occasionally dive into fanart again, although currently in other topics, but this means I will probably be more confident of at least putting my ideas on paper / creating scribbles again instead of forcing myself to focus on non-fandom art for practice purpose / new techniques / commissions at my workplace. Anyway I currently don‘t post my sketches and photos here as I take a break of tumblr / insta / deviantart and focus on the fandom exclusive forum only as it feels better for me when it comes to keeping my inspiration and motivation level up and my depression / anxiety level low. It just feels like my youth again where one fandom community was the dominant gathering place that made it easier for me to create even quick fanart ideas, even when they are first attempts at this fandom art. So for now I‘m still all sheepi crafts and Don‘t Starve aligned, probably as long as I am trapped in my current house to keep my sanity and focus as high as possible (at the cost of staying awake for 3+ days and backaches and eyestrain)

But I fear I have barely felt that much happiness and that little anxiety within the past years!

Looking forward to post random stuff here again. :)

Anyway my compulsive negative thoughts have almost been reduced to zero since I started to dive into my current longterm focus.

So happy Schafi Mäh! \o/ Määääääh!!!!!

[areyoudreaminof]

WIP Wednesday: Rhys and Nyx

Rhys settled on the bed next to his son. Nyx had his mother’s talent for art though he preferred to sketch buildings and plants, as well as the occasional animal portrait for his cousins at the Day Court. The short time spent in the war camps was difficult for Nyx, but the reports that made their way back to Rhys made his son’s presence known. Namely, the heir to the Night Court had a penchant for carving the insignia in every single wooden surface he could, including the posts on Devlon’s tent. Nyx had his mothers talent, and her fire, for better or worse. 

Peering at the sketches, Rhys saw the massive round table with the Night Court insignia carved in the center. Illyrians and High Fae surrounded it, posed in mid motion. “What is this? It’s really good.” he said as Nyx tilted the small book towards him. 

“Just an idea, I guess. I thought it could be some sort of emissary hall for us and the Illyrians.” Nyx said, as he flipped to another page. A sketch showed a great longhall of wood and stone. “It could be a sort of neutral meeting place to gather. It would be between the camps and the villages. Probably easier.” Nyx shrugged as he flipped back to the sketch of the round table. “I keep messing around with the table though. Round seemed more equal, kind of like what High Lord Thesan has at the Dawn Court.” 

“Incredible.” Rhys murmured as he studied his son’s face. His brow was furrowed in concentration as his pencil flew across the paper. Absently, Nyx began to suck on his top lip, the same habit he’d had since he was a toddler. Rhys supposed now was as good of a time as any to talk about his decision to withdraw Nyx from the camps. It had been less than two years, and in that time two assisination attempts had been made on his son, all before the age of ten. The situation in Illyria was growing more unsteady by the day, so Rhys and Feyre came to fetch their son home. In the weeks since returning to Velaris, Nyx had been quiet, retreating to his room or the library at the House of the Wind. Rhys didn’t quite know what to make of it. Cassian said Nyx had a harder time with the boys, but was managing to train and hold his own. 

“Nyx, I’m sorry about everything. Pulling you out of the camp, putting you in there in the first place.” Rhys rubbed his eyes, struggling to find the words to pinpoint his feelings. “You are my priority, over Illyria, over everything. I just want you safe.” 

“It’s alright Papa, I understand.” Nyx said softly as he stared ahead. 

“Is it? I know the camps are hard, but I wanted you to have that experience, despite everything. It’s your heritage, and you’ll rule these people someday.” Rhys replied quickly, “Eight was too young, I realize that now, especially with how things are going.” 

“I know, I know.” Nyx said, as he bit his upper lip in thought. “I knew it was going to be hard, and I was ready for it. I knew they’d give me a harder time. I guess…” he paused for a moment, mirroring his father’s expression as he too searched for the right words, “You got to meet Uncle Cass and Uncle Az there, and I think I wanted that too. I wanted to find my own brothers and go to Ramiel. I’m not ashamed of our family or myself, but I feel, I don’t know, frustrated because I can’t control it. I’m the little princeling that got swept away when things got too hard.” Rhys sighed as Nyx quickly added, “I understand why you did it. But I just don’t know where to go from here.” Nyx flopped his head back onto the pillow as he set his sketchbook down on his bedside table. 

[warmhealerr]

18+ - Minors Do Not Interact.

Adult content sometimes. Even if it weren't the case I just don't want minors here. My Instagram is not my Tumblr.

I am Barnabas, though you can also call me Barney! I use he/they pronouns interchangeably.

I'm a hobbyist who writes and draws. I am currently deep in a DND phase kickstarted by BG3. I am fond of all things Gith- peoples, though Githyanki especially. I also love Deep Gnomes, and undead, go figure.

I am otherwise writing The City Of Dust aka TCOD (name to be changed) which I might post about from time to time. It has been my personal passion project for 7 years now.

If that information matters to you I am a French in France who stays awake at ungodly hours and wants out of here HAHA.

BOUNDARIES/"DNI"

I feel childish adding more to this section for some reason but it is necessary, so might as well get on with it.

I know how to curate my online experience like any other, and I also love dark media and kink, but I genuinely politely ask that you do not follow me (assuming you've read this) if you post or reblog fetish incestuous content. I like quickly checking and/or following people's blogs when it seems we've common interests! There's only so much curating I can do when someone with no specific warnings anywhere on their account does not tag it, which has been a more common occurrence than I'd prefer. This also goes for adult/minor fetish content. Please and thank you.

No gen AI.

I otherwise block whoever I please for reasons completely unrelated to former points. My blog history and bio might give you insight as to what. I also do not like people who revel in being the most shocking, mean spirited, judgemental and edgy in the room.

Finally, petty intercommunity validity discourse is the bane of my existence.

TAG INFO AND MORE UNDER THE CUT

NOTE 1

I suffer from serial social media liking disease. Apologies, I don't mean to spam/be obnoxious.

NOTE 2

I am ND and very mentally ill. My casual everyday (like you are reading right now) writing might be noticeably overcompensating, too cold, too warm, far too descriptive, or redundant alongside suffering at times from poor punctuation and vocabulary (though that is also on the fact English is not my first language). I am well aware though I'm trying to avoid awkwardness, sorry about that.

TUMBLR STUFF

ASKS

I welcome any ask no matter its content (that includes asks of an adult nature).

TAGS

I am God awful at tagging things even though I have been using Tumblr for at least 5 years now. I am especially forgetful when it comes to character or ship tags. This is an attempt at changing that.

#rambling for when I talk about... Nothing.

Feel free to request ship or character tags (as I usually forget them) in my ask inbox. My ship tag format usually goes #x/y.

I usually do not tag suggestive content (I just don't think about it, this blog is already 18+). I will tag explicit adult stuff with #nsft.

Content warning tags will use a single word, like #gore. This is to avoid typing gore cw instead of cw gore (for example) in case someone doesn't have that former tag iteration blocked.

I usually do not phobia tag (I might sometimes tag specific living beings like #bugs or #spiders. It is for archive navigation purposes but perhaps you could find it useful to hide them).

Feel free to request CW tags in my ask inbox.

MY TAGS

#myart for my visual art : from sketches to fully rendered, anything goes. I describe my rendered art for the visually impaired, and/or comprehensive visual clarity for an easier analysis. I usually do not describe sketches especially if posting a bunch of them.

#my writing for any kind of writing I put out. I don't write lots of polished stuff though. It's mostly summaries, script drafts and ideas I use to communicate with myself first, and then other people. It's hardly literature imo.

My individual OC tags go "#charactername tag" for easy navigation purposes.

"#Fist of the Comet" additional tag for Ta'rath post BG3 campaign

"#underdark siblings" for Joufos/Oulmat/Zilkon, their other family members and Oulmat's patron.

#TCOD for TCOD (until name changes).

I will add more tags here once relevant. Thank you.

[this-is-not-a-slow-burn]

"I neeed to creaaaate". But first I must gather.

One of the biggest hurdles to creating things with my hands is the process of gathering supplies. It saps me of the motivation to actually do the thing the supplies are for.

The reasons behind this are probably ADHD and dopamine related, but that's for another post.

But yesterday I had a revelation.

looong post with images under the cut!

TL;DR Make baskets or boxes that have all the supplies you will need for a single type of project, so they can just be picked up and used.

So we all know that being organized can make things easier. But when the ADHD strikes, no amount of organizing can solve the issue completely.

Case in point. All of my art supplies are organized by type. All of the alcohol markers, felt tip markers, fine liners, colored pencils, regular pencils, brush tip pens, pastels, etc are mostly on one shelf (frequently used are in a desktop carousel), all of the paper is organized by type: card stock, (further organized by plain, textured, or patterned, and all are color sorted, etc) blank printer paper, origami paper, velum. Below that are the notebook/pad style art papers, watercolor, sketch, bristol, plus canvases, and sheets of watercolor paper. All adhesives are in one drawer. There is a "idk where the fuck this belongs" drawer with those odds and ends that are important but solo in their class. There are magzine holders full of journals and sketchbooks, reference books

blahblahblah

(those totes in the left cube are not transparent. the table reflection makes them look that way though)

Great! Yay! Hooray! You can find what you need pretty quickly!

:|

Yes. But.

Art making and crafting isn't a mono medium. You see posts that say things like "all you need is a pencil and paper!" and sure yes, that's technically true. However my brain fills in with ....and an eraser, and you need a flat surface, and the paper has to be the right kind, the right size, what kind of sketch is this? what hardness of pencil do you need? Is there enough light in the room? Do you need references?

(yes I even torment myself with the "well akshully" stuff)

The art I make is rife with "parts", like painting (paints, palette, water, brushes, paper towels, surface to be painted on, apron) collage (base medium/substrate, image sources, adhesives for different types of paper, scissors, craft blade) sewing (fabric, shears, needles, thread, buttons, elastic, zippers, velcro, hook and eyes, snaps, ribbon, lace...) , etc.

(I do have most of the printmaking stuff in one container so that's a start...)

what's that saying about how a messy desk is the sign of a creative person?

The process of "shopping" my shelves for what is needed seems to derail any motivation. It feels like maybe my brain is happy with the idea of creating, and that's good enough. Like gathering the stuff is the goal, and having satisfied that, my brain dumps dopamine all over. Which is way less than ideal. (I am very guilty of the "I thought about doing it and am just as satisfied as if I had done it." thing. It's awful.)

SO. Then yesterday, while looking for something else, I came across a wire basket full of the supplies I had gathered to do a sewing project in bed, and I thought, that was so smart. how handy.

And I realized that I could do that with ALL of my supplies! Or at least, make up some project baskets with everything one would need to do that thing, all ready to go. So when an idea comes to mind I can just grab the basket and sit down for some art time, instead of chipping away at the urge one shelf at a time.

I sort of did this with a tackle box style of art tote, and a bunch of collage images, pens, and stickers, but it's not quite there.

(pictured: a halfassed unintentional attempt at this idea. plus a bunch of scraps that were pissing me off and got tossed in "rage")

It will be great for those times when the urge to make something comes up, but not a specific thing, just that "I neeed to creaaaate" blinking neon sign that can be so fleeting. Grab a basket and satisfy the need without distracting faffing about.

Obviously I'm not the first one to ever do this, and pre-school teachers are probably giggling at me for only just now thinking of this, but hey. We all learn at different speeds :p

(Oh, and I promise the fabric and desk will be at least a little bit less messy this weekend :3 )

[clowntownart]

Inspired by the book The Backyard Bird Chronicles by Amy Tan, I decided to start my own backyard nature chronicles, starting with Fuchsia flowers.

(photos of my references included+more of my rambles under the cut)

This whole thing has kinda cemented in my mind how much I prefer drawing from live reference. I don't know what it is, but being able to see things in 3d and how they interact with the world just makes it easier, despite things like wind moving and the lighting changing.

Unfortunately the paper I have is pretty low quality and doesn't hold the pigment from my colored pencils well. Whenever I close the book as well, the original pencil sketches smudge. Hence the need for inking. If I were a braver person I'd use markers but I prefer pencils in all honesty.

I finished the book mentioned above a few days after this drawing and I'd highly recommend it. It's one of those books I get from the library and then I want to buy for myself. It's full of art she made herself and some great insight and comedy about the birds she views in her own backyard. And it's extra special to me because I live in a similar area so I recognize most of the birds she mentions, so hell yeah

A note on fuchsias- I don't know the exact strain I have but these are considered edible, though I won't say they're the tastiest thing. They taste like. Plants. Just plants. All parts of them are edible, including leaves and stem

ALWAYS DOUBLE CHECK WHAT PLANT YOU ARE LOOKING AT BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO EAT

I am not a biologist. Or anyone else that would apply to plant-eating.

I already have another sketchbook page in the works, I just have to color it and then type up the post for it. Hopefully I'll have it up in a day or two so I can work on a new page. Since it's summer, it's the perfect time for drawing and I've been enjoying it a lot. Plus I live in a place known for having a shit ton of plants so I will definitely not run out of things to draw for years and years

[cielwells]

Status Update - March 2024, First Month

Background

Quick background and context for anyone stumbling onto this.  On the twelfth, March 12, I decided to try to turn this into a draw/sketch a day thing.  I was already trying to draw at least three times a week and my streak was at 43.  While not 100% accurate, it seemed a good enough number to start at to avoid fighting with my streak keeping app.

The reason I sometimes include “53/53” and the like is because I am not fully abandoning the original three times a week thing.  The first number is the number done.  The second is the current “days since the project started”.

Reflections

The Format

Since this wasn’t planned, I’ve encountered a few things that could be adjusted going forward. 

The collage above?  Yeah, I decided to try for it early on but I didn’t think about making it non-sanity damaging to put together.  Maybe this works with gaps and the like? 

Maybe it is just my fear of having it too big and wasting people’s time and bandwidth.  Maybe it gives the vibes of collaging in books and physical sketchpads.

… I’m not undecided on whether to go for a strictly organized system or just giving each day more breathing room.

In any case, I started using the iOS Clip Studio’s default 4:3 canvas that is 1600 x 1200px.  When I started posting these online more frequently I switched to the square (1640 x 1640 px) because “Instagram”.  Before switching to “Sticker Size” (370 x 320 px) thinking the smaller canvas would be easier to work with.  Before switching between a few of the others once I realized how small the sticker canvas was to other days when compared.

I am, was, until I began writing this section at least, planning to go back to square for consistency’s sake.  Only, I don’t think that will work.  Welcome to real time self reflection folks!  The train has left the script.  It’s 10:19, I need to be at my Easter “Dinner” location at noon.  Only future me knows if I pushed this out beforehand or waited until I got home to clean this up, and practical time travel isn’t invented yet. 

I’m now doubting the square decision for two reasons.  In exploring the different canvas sizes and shapes I’ve started to get a feel for the canvas affects what is created. 

I don’t know if I would have gone for the torso of 61 in a square as I went into it wanting to attempt something with the head.  I like how the torso came out and really disliked the head.

I believe with 55 I cropped it down from a square despite being drawn in a square. 

I’ve caught myself starting to use drawn color swatches for consistency and more room on the canvas leaves more room for them.

Skill Improvement

I guess I can say I improved some.  After 45, Toga, I realized I needed more practice with facial directions.  This lead to more focused practice on that with days 46 through 51 with the last one just focuses on eyes and iris direction.

Then I needed to do something I felt was funner and I felt more passion for, 52 Sukuna.  I didn’t succeed in all my goals for that day.  The lips specifically. 

There are also blow-off days.  59 – Godzilla is the only example I clearly remember.  By time I was “done” I realized I was in so need of breather day that I didn’t even mark that this was, in fact, drawn with a reference.  56 – Snowman was probably a similar low point but I went with a simpler subject to concentrate what bandwidth I had more constructively.

Day 60 – Needlewise?  No, that was trying.  It was me trying to snap out of the duldrums.  The focused practice for that day was this technique I’ve heard and seen about using thicker outlines for the shape and thinner lines inside the “model”.  See on the arms?  This combined with wanting some darn color.  I missed color by this point, which I’ve avoided near all month because I wanted to focus on the basic… is it line art?  I’m also mildly annoyed that the minimalist details in the dessert got covered up by the cactaur once I unhid it.  I could have avoided this if I just greatly reduced the cactaur’s transparency instead of hiding the layer entirely.

Final Thoughts

One thing I think I need to do more of is watch more guides.  Needlewise shows me that knowing something is a thing doesn’t mean I can do it anywhere close to reasonable on my own. 

Me realizing I’m not 100% what I was focusing on, in general, this month is lineart or something else tells me I’m missing some fundamentals in terminology.  If I don’t know the terms then finding guides will be harder.

One thing I like about the Takodachi, 61, Rule 63 v-tuber, and the gnome is that I knew when to stop for the day.  Some advice I’m seeing a lot in videos on the daily drawing topic and general improvement is not drawing for hours and hours just to draw.  Unless you are doing it for fun.  With each I hit some sort of wall, reached a satisfactory minimum amount of goal achieving, and moved on. 

Looking at all the different things I’ve tried, I do wonder if I shouldn’t focus on one specific thing more next month.  Then I look at Sukuna and 55-B the landscape.  I know myself.  If I spent a month working on only lips or only eyes, unless it just groked with me in a fun way, I would begin to resent this project.  I still wish I had a style I knew I wanted to shoot for so that I could at least do variations of topics around that style.

[expressflamebunny]

This is a venting post, but I'm okay with people responding if they feel inclined.

Long story short: I'm struggling with facing the blank page and deciding what to work on. I only have myself to blame for this.

Prior to getting hyperfixated on a certain anime, I was starting to plan out a visual novel. I had some loose outlines, rough character sketches, as well as things link Pinterest boards and short Spotify playlists for the main characters. As someone who majored in English, is a web developer by trade, and has some small artistic ability, I thought this would be a good way to stretch myself. As an aside, I wasn't actually planning to try and make money off of my VN if I had succeeded in making it in part because it would be my first one, and thus wouldn't be very good, and also because my art isn't professional enough to sell IMO. I was starting to get into the habit of sitting down to work on the planning phase of it every night and was trying to get myself to shift into the writing phase. This was over a year ago.

At which point I allowed myself to get distracted from my original project idea by getting hyperfixated on a certain anime that will remain unnamed but should be obvious from my profile pic if you're familiar with it. I stopped thinking about my original work and started focusing much more on this anime along with fan fic ideas for it. My attempt to get into the habit of sitting down to do some creative work for myself daily also fell apart at this time.

Just to be clear, I don't blame that anime for this happening. The only one I have to blame for this is myself.

I want to try and get into the habit of doing some creative work on a daily basis, but I'm struggling to pick what to work on. I've completely lost momentum on my VN, but I have some fan fic ideas kicking around in my head, and then there's plenty of other abandoned original ideas of mine that I could try and return to as well.

While I do think that writing fanfic can be good writing practice and what not, I find that I'm hesitant to write it myself in part because it kind of feels like I'm neglecting my own children to fawn over the cool celebrity kids when I do. At the same time, I'm just not feeling the passion for my own original story ideas, and I do acknowledge that there are benefits to writing fanfic. I'm not used to other people looking at my work, and I think it's safe to say that it will be a lot easier to get people to read and give me feedback on a fanfic that I post than on an original work.

Anyways, I should probably be sleeping and not posting to Tumblr at the moment. This post is probably a bit incoherent due to writing it when I should be sleeping.

[ailelie]

So I didn't work on Nora's story for a month. I did try dictation at one point and managed about 400 words. All of those have since been rewritten.

Anyway, I've set a low goal for November just to get me back into gear writing. What is weird, though, beyond having to remember how my own characters are characterized (yay re-reading) is the shift in writing styles.

Because I did write something recently. Basically, At the start of November, I sat down ready to start writing Nora's story again. And instead wrote a fanfic for a fandom I'm no longer in or support. (...I did post the fic b/c I do crave recognition/etc like most other people but still...). And I wrote this fic in by-now fairly typical "ficcish not!fic" style.

This style is prose, but breezy and tends to skim over a lot to focus on the moments I'm interested in. It is the type of writing style that turns a potentially super tense and action-packed chase and fight scene into this:

Escaping the hospital is a narrow thing. Escaping Coruscant even narrower.

(That's from an older fic; not the one from earlier this week).

In contrast, Nora's story is almost overwritten. One bit of feedback I've gotten twice from my critgroup is that I need to trim words. Not moments, scenes, or dialogue, though.

This is the start of a stand-off scene. This is 235 words and the other member of the stand-off hasn't even arrived yet.

Their quietude was short-lived. “Help!” The voice was hoarse, just loud enough to be heard. Nora and Fletcher spun around. A man was limping and running toward them. A long rip in his shirt revealed dark shadows on his side when he was in the light. Blood matted his face, streaming down from his forehead and clotting under his nose and over his lips. They raced toward him. The man lurched forward; Fletcher caught him. “Hide me,” the man begged. Nora glanced around the street. No one else was around. There was an alley, a tall building with lit windows, and a closed shop. The rest of the buildings did not seem potentially helpful. They could get surrounded in an alley. The people with lit windows might not be allies. “There.” Nora pointed at the shop and started to help Fletcher and the man to its stoop. The door was inset like Dr. Benoit’s had been. During the day, a curtain likely hung in front. “Hey.” Fletcher crouched down across from the man. “We’re going to help you. First, can you tell me what hurts? I see the blood on your face and some bruises on your ribs. Is there anything else?” Pounding steps echoed down the street. The man tried to get up, but Fletcher held him in place. “We’re going to help,” he repeated. He shot Nora a pleading look and she nodded.

The man's pursuers arrive in the next sentence. Still. Do you see the difference? In my ficcish style, this might instead be:

"Help!" A rasping voice called from behind them. Nora and Fletcher spun around to see a man limping and running toward them. "Hide me," he begged. Nora led the way to a small alcove and stepped in front of the man and Fletcher who was attempting to treat his wounds. She could hear the footsteps pounding. She would protect them. Somehow.

That's 61 words. A 74% reduction. That's actually not the best ficcish version I could do, but it is surprisingly difficult moving from fully written to sketched. The other direction is easier.

Anyway. I have found that I have had to write and re-write a bit as I resume Nora's story just as a way to remind myself how to write.

It is all very strange.

[northropi]

this is terrible advice for anything except in retrospect, and even then i don't even know how right i really am, but i probably should have dropped out earlier. i'm probably gonna have to start making loan payments soon and frankly the job i have, which is pretty nice, seems like one i could have gotten on community college education- and meanwhile embracing my "get a real job" mentality during that time has kind of fucked me over royally. now that i'm not quite stable but getting there, art is sort of all i have emotionally, and, well, yeah i'm sorta in the worst art mood i have been in for a long time.

it doesn't help that we're sort of in a new generation of prodigies who are often too young to even be able to view the stuff i post, picking up modeling and code from an actual early age. yeah the TikTok ten-videos-at-once thing seems dystopian but frankly the kids are alright and i'm left envying that.

i have no portfolio. everything i've done outside of the last four years has been pen-and-paper sketches. while, like, yeah, valid, go traditional artists 'n' all, getting those online would be prohibitively complicated. Page after page to scan, page after page that's been rubbing together for years in a cheap sketchbook, my already faint linework rubbing away, eroding into nothing. so much must already be just lost to time. and in those four years, what have i done? not fucking much. Haven't been able to find the time, and when I find a bit I can't apply myself.

everything i do has an entirely different workflow as i try again and again to get somewhere fucking functional, and i've become acutely aware of how drawing for establishing concepts rather than for scenes and characters has left me with, and say that i'm good at <x> all you want it doesn't change the fact that i'm not good at <y> and <y> just so happens to be really fucking important, an extremely unbalanced skillset. i can't really draw the same thing twice- every drawing of a given character looks like a different fucking character. my perspective is wonky, and after that first attempt i don't know if i'll ever be able to do animation. and somehow i still have sameface issues!

writing dialogue comes out fucky because i can't make a character naturally sound like anything but myself, i don't know how basic shit like speech bubbles should look, there are huge gaps in my knowledge of the software, and, just, why was i not doing what i'm doing now seven years ago? fuck, why wasn't i on this site? i'd have been bopped by the porn ban probably but it'd have been good to have my foot in the door- i know i had a phase where i was all "ewww Tumblr" but i was never that bad.

i've often expressed when asked about how i think of my life that i've spent it. not doing things but on things. that it was consumed and given away in a transaction in hopes that i could start it later-but-better. and for all that life i spent, i was explicitly promised that the next phase of it would be easier. that really high school was harder than college and it was all just to test you, that the laid-back pace of university would be easier than my college once i transferred, and that jobs would be so easy to come by after university and so laid back that my life would be a breeze. each time was a lie- well, maybe it'd have gone better if i could have finished uni, but somehow i doubt that it'd fix my free time issue.

it was five years, and i proceeded to spend an additional two rotting at home. imagine if i spent those with some friends nearby, someone i could move out with on a basic job. nope. never made any. imagine if i had spent the years of unemployment at least being able to work on things- but no, i was being prodded at to get a job even in spite of diminishing returns, kept under so much stress that even on days where i had done my due diligence i couldn't focus. now i have a job, and it's devouring my time with the drive to get there and back, and this isn't even full hours yet. can't find the focus or time to get art done- but at least my high WPM and depressive episodes mean i can get bursts of writing done and look like a sadsack to the rest of the world, huzzah.

every day it becomes easier to look at something i admire and compare myself to it, but harder to learn from it. it's like i was born yesterday with nothing but snippets of trivia to my name- enough to let me fake it halfway through a Mechanical Engineering degree. and, yet, i feel old. i don't know how else to describe it. past my prime, like my brain isn't able to wire in new habits and like my time to work with what i have is sorely finite. i keep asking myself if life sorta just sucks- if anyone is able to really do anything off the clock or if all these people i want to be like are some privileged few blessed with more time than us dregs. and as for practice, hoooh boy, did i mention the family predisposition to dementia? how i suspect even my mother has succumbed to it at some point in her conspiracy rabbithole between the ages of 30 and 50? plus my liver being funny? the hole in my brain that's just fucking there? yeah i give myself until 50, and gonna be 26 in a month, so, shit, dude, at this rate, how much art can i do in my life? like being generous i'm halfway good, and it seems like i might be halfway dead, so doing the math i don't have a ton of hope.

at what point do i stop being stubborn and just comm someone better than me to do everything fuck

Anyways, yeah, like, between the stuff I took on in High School and higher education, that's, like, a decade of my life just... Poof. Gone. And now it's... maybe some background help I should be grateful for? But right now it feels like it wasn't fucking worth it. I could have made something. I could have really... Made something. Something not exactly real, but something good.

Do you know how deluded I was in that engineering phase? I thought I'd be designing planes just as casually as I drew them. I was aware on some level that I wasn't that good, but that lie of being gifted, it strung me along into thinking that, with enough training, I'd get there, because that's totally how the aerospace industry works. Oh, and working for fucking LockMart or some shit? No moral qualms there. Just like Gramps, the one you never knew because even your abusive mom considers him abusive, who worked on the T-28's ejector seat (a specific part of a modification to a preexisting design and he didn't even do that alone and yet your dumbass was just like "yeah I'll just build a plane from a sketch every week," you fucking megalomaniac), and then died in his house with his dog that always puked every time you saw it only like 10% lucid some months after threatening his social worker at gunpoint- yeah he's one of the dementia points btw.

You know how I feel? You know, like, shows, right, movies where the character isn't having a great time so they see a vision and it's like "wow glad that's not me!" It feels like there's some version of me out there that's, you know, starving artist, poor, wondering if she made the right choices, and she's looking at me right now, like, still pretty poor, but also fucking miserable and probably not gonna be remembered after she's gone, and looking at the genie or whatever the shit that brought her in like "wow! I appreciate my life much more now! Clearly artistic pursuits are worth pursuing over job security, even within the crushing confines of the capitalist system!" And like, Djinn, buddy, like, it's been 25 years in this weird AU you made to prove a point, doesn't feel like it sometimes, but can you do me a favor and just sort of merge this timeline back into that one so I don't have to see this through? Or, like, are you gonna show her my neglected, crumbling headstone too to really drive the point home?

Or maybe this is the good timeline, but that just raises further, darker questions.

...

I kinda want to believe I made the wrong choice, really.