#the artistic process is just suffering through every stage until it looks nice

[haunted-xander]

Writing dialogue for comics is sooo hard sometimes because I never want them to get too long (if it can't fit into a 10 image post I will Die) but also sometimes the dialogue just gets away from me and I have to cut out things or rearrange/rephrase things just to make sure it doesn't end up too long but ALSO I can't make it too different/cut out too much bc then the dialogue will feel unnatural or out of character and THEN I sometimes have to re-write the entire thing because it's not possible to make it sound natural while still retaining the important points without making it too long and I will DIE why is writing SO HARD

[chocolate-parfait]

can I suggest a headcanon for arthur, theo and comte ( or dazai ) reacting to their selectively mute s/o speaking for the first time? ( maybe even singing? ) you can decide if you want a scenario for one of them and what mc sounds like, wether shes soft spoken or has a mature voice~ whatever you feel comfortable with >:0 👌 — have a nice day ! ♡

I made some research to write this but tell me if anything's inaccurate or wrong! I'll fix it right away

Selectively mute MC - ikevamp headcanons (Arthur, Theo & Comte)

Arthur

Arthur's a bit suspicious when he sees how uncomfortable you seem to be on your first night. No normal person would feel completely at ease, that's for sure, and yet the way your gaze flickers around the room, the way you fidget with your own hands, the look of pure anxiety on your pretty features, they're all blatant red flags for him, though he decides to let you be. It's your first night, after all, for all he knows you could just be terribly shy, right?

He started piecing the signs together after a couple days when your voice was yet to be heard. The only thing they knew was your name, which you wrote on a piece of paper after Vincent's many soft encouragements.

The English writer had tried flirting with you a couple times, but after being met with the same indicators of discomfort as night one, he decided to step back and watch from the sidelines, occasionally helping others translate whatever you were trying to tell them with your body language.

Selective mutism had been diagnosed around 1870 for the first time, and although it was still a relatively new medical condition, he still was a couple decades more experienced when it came to medicine. After realizing that was your case, he moved to inform everyone in the mansion so that they could adjust their behaviors and avoid causing you too much distress.

Eventually Arthur becomes the person you spend most time with in the whole house; you can feel he genuinely cares and, despite the voices you had heard about his incorrigible attitudes and questionable habits, you start appreciating all the efforts he puts into making sure you're always comfortable and understood (his efforts were very much succeeding, by the way).

On one particular night, you decided to bring some coffee to his room, a silent gesture of support in his regards, but once you entered the bedroom, he turned to look you in the eyes and you saw his beautiful blue orbs, usually alight with mischief, now dark and wavering, surrounded by puffy, red skin. He had been crying. Despite all his best efforts to hide it, everyone knew the writer had his own ghosts from the past haunting him, but seeing him so wretched and broken made your heart squeeze in sympathy and pity.

Seeing your worried expression Arthur immediately turned the other way, letting out a self deprecating laugh as he thought this was probably not helping with your case at all. "Ah- D-don't worry about me! I just got some dust in my eyes. Clumsy old me-!" You set down the tray on his desk and put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"A-arthur, you can tell me. I'm here for you."

His heart almost flew out of his chest as his wide eyes stared at you in disbelief. He abruptly stood up and had to stop himself from hugging you and twirling you around, grabbing your shoulders instead. "MC, you just spoke right now, didn't you?!". He was so shocked he completely forgot about his troubles and spent minutes fawning over you. He didn't realize he was coming off as too strong until he noticed your voice getting quieter and quieter. He then apologized and took a moment to cool himself off.

From then on, your relationship goes through revolutionary changes as he finally gets to learn more about your past, tastes and personality. Each little detail makes him more and more interested in what had been a complete mystery to everyone for days. As the writer of Sherlock Holmes he certainly couldn't let this one chance fly out of the window now, could he?

If his brain malfunctioned when he heard your voice for the first time, it is pretty accurate to say that he almost passed away for the second time when he heard your laugh! It's the best and most effective antidepressant he's tried in a long time, and the more open you become, the more the look in your eyes starts to brighten up, a worthy rival to the breathtaking smile that graces your lips every now and then.

Your voice is sweet, calm and soft, and Arthur feels as if he's floating on a cloud whenever he hears it. It isn't loud, either, making everything you say seem like the most intimate secret one could whisper to a close friend. On the other hand, your laugh is like the clear and light tinkling of a bell. Each time you let out even the smallest of chuckles his cheeks flush with a rosy blush, earning him stares and teasing remarks from the closest fellow vampire in the room.

Slowly, he starts to see his reactions for what they are: sprouts of a new love. As time passes by, he realizes he wants to hear more and more of your voice. He wants to hear you whimper his name lost in overwhelming pleasure, he wants to hear all the sweet nothings and declarations of love you can offer him, comforting words, even gibberish and dark secrets. Everything that comes out of your mouth is like molten gold to him, and he wants it all to himself.

He starts bragging to others, though it does not take long before you're comfortable enough to grace them with the sound of what Arthur has come to love so much. On one side he's jealous because you've denied him the privilege of being the only one to hear your voice, but at the same time he's also extremely proud of you! You're finally happy and there's no more traces of anxiety and worry in your eyes whenever you're surrounded by the other vampires, and that's one of the most important milestones he's honored have witnessed by your side.

Theo

Let's just say that you and theo start off on the wrong foot. To say that you're frightened of him at first is an understatement, and you very much avoid him for as much as you can. He feels guilt strangling his throat whenever he sees your quivering form running away from him, and after noting that you behaved similarly with everyone and still hadn't uttered a word in days made him worry even more.

Arthur's the one who comes up with a diagnosis, and with that everyone changes their manners and speech to make you feel more at ease. Theo, just like his blue haired friend, is actually pretty good at reading body language so he has no particular struggles when it comes to your needs. Unfortunately, he's not so smooth in regulating his tone and words, which often come out a little to harsh. Vincent often reprimands him for it, and he can't help but feel even worse when he realizes he's probably ruining your whole stay.

He starts distancing himself, and you gradually start sticking by the local angel's side, never leaving him for even a second; his vibes are so pure and soothing that they help you out with your anxiety and symptoms. Needless to say, he's also very understanding and is not at all bothered to speak in your stead. This leads to Vincent being the first one to hear your voice, and he's without doubt elated, but he also wishes for you to be able to socialize with the others, too. Theo in particular.

After days and days of the artist's endless rants on how good his little brother actually is, your image of the gruff man has been replaced by that of a soft hearted puppy. Too bad that this soft puppy looks like a hungry hunt dog more than a small, soft cloud of love.

Ironically enough, what brings you and Theo to a new stage of your basically nonexistent relationship is King. In the dog's presence he lets his guards down and turns into a loving owner of a very good and friendly golden nugget, subsequently becoming more approachable. Besides, everyone knows how helpful animals are in fighting anxiety and social disorders! And on the advice of Arthur, he invites you to his daily walk with his dog, hoping your fear will melt away with time.

He's a stubborn man, and even when such delicate issues come his way, he has no intention of giving up. No matter how much time it'll take him, he believes he's going to convince you he's not that bad as you first thought. Why is he trying so hard though? Well, not only it's something that stems from Vincent's care for you, but it's also something for your own good. If you were to avoid him for a whole month, you'd get nothing out of it, and a constant lingering sense of panic would follow you pretty much anywhere; but living for a whole month in those conditions is a no-no for Theo. He has no intention of uselessly make you suffer like that, and as he reminds himself of that, his willpower strengthens his determination to search for a common ground between you two.

Albeit slowly, you start getting less tense around him, and the fright fades away bit by bit with each walk in the woods with the Dutch art dealer and the excited bundle of golden hair. It's a lengthy process that takes many days, but Theo finally knows his efforts aren't vain when he hears you coo at the golden retriever. "King... you're such a good boy.." You say with with the warmest smile he had ever seen painted on someone's face as you patted his canine friend's head lovingly. In that moment he wished he could frame the scene and hang it up in his room next to his brother's paintings.

He didn't know whether it was the emotion of hearing your voice for the first time or the implications that told him you weren't that scared of him anymore, but he became hyper aware that his wasn't a normal heartbeat. Unsteady and crazy like that of a lovestruck fool. Was this all it took him to fall head over heels for someone? Or was this a process that had started way before?

It still takes you some time to be fully able to speak complete sentences in his presence, but once you do, he's overcome with one of the greatest feelings of satisfaction he had ever felt in his two lives, and he can definitely agree that everything was worth the wait and the labour.

Just like Arthur, your laugh almost makes him fly through the roof, but what turns him into a formless puddle of mushy feelings and amazement is your singing voice. The first time he hears you intone a medley to him he turns to stone and just stays there, unmoving. He has an eye for finding hidden talents, but oh God was your singing unexpected. His feeling may be out of place here, but he's so, so glad to have your singing all to himself. He finds the act extremely intimate, and for how much he may believe he doesn't deserve it, he cannot deny the positive effects it has on him

Sometimes, when you're talking to him, you can see him turn his face away and smile to himself like an idiot. In those times, he's thinking about how far you two came, and how glad he is to have persisted as much as he did.

Comte

Comte emanates a slightly threatening and imposing aura but it can also be calm and placid, like his voice. First and foremost he's a gentleman, but he sometimes comes off as very intimidating to those who are not used being around such strong presences like his. Luckily, he's a very patient man, and you can feel no judgement nor malice coming from him. He's lived a long, long life, and he knows better than overstepping people's boundaries and making fun of their insecurities.

When with him, you can do things at your own pace! If you don't feel like talking then he's totally okay with it; take your time to find your own way and pace of doing things, he'll gladly help if you ever ask him (with gestures or, once you're closer, with words).

The panic you feel in his presence dissolves gradually; there are no particular events that cause a turning point in your relationship, it just happens. Despite living in such a big mansion, avoiding all life forms is pretty much impossible, so you happen to share some interactions every now and then. Sometimes it's an afternoon tea, others it's just him making small talk as you clean his room (he's either talking to himself or asks answers you can nod to if you feel more comfortable). He immediately makes it clear that he doesn't expect nor want to pressure you in delivering any answer, and if you ever happen to feel too overwhelmed he excuses himself and leaves the room.

One day as you were dusting the shelves in his office, he casually says:"The weather's really nice today." But your head doesn't move in assent, instead he receives a shocking reply despite the ordinariness of the topic. "It really is... T-there's not a cloud in the sky, either." A shocked expression momentarily appears on his features, soon replaced by a wide smile as he hums back in agreement.

He doesn't let it show but he's utterly in love with your voice. It's an addiction but he still wants to give you enough space and time to get comfortable with the idea of speaking around him, so he tries to keep himself in check all the time.

It's when he hears you singing that he can't help but feel greedy, and the rare sight of Comte's blushing cheeks greets you for the first time ever. It's his weak point, use it as you may deem ;)

(okay but jokes aside WHY would you ever want to use it against him, he'd build a pyramid with a butter knife while doing a backflip if you asked him to tbh,, the man is Whipped.)

Everything you do has a meaning and a significance, so he's always taking in even the smallest piece of information you may subconsciously slip his way. Seeing how you trust him enough to lower your guards about him makes him all the more appreciative of the bond you two share. For this reason, if you ever want to try and get over your anxiety, he'll be there to walk with you from the first to the last step of your journey.

His favorite thing is when he's holding you in his arms, nuzzled against his chest while he dozes off to your heavenly humming. It makes him feel like a prince living his happy ever after in a fairytale and he couldn't be more grateful.

[yanderecandystore]

How would Jack react to an artistic s/o, like he carries a sketchbook with him at all times and once Jack saw that he had at least a full page of just Jack doodles and sketches

Yo, hello there! I'm sorry for taking so long to answer you, I was trying to find the right time to write! :3

Do y'all mind if I changed it up a little bit? Changing a little bit of "reader's role" in this headcanon, instead of always being the "one of his gang's members" and such. I decided to add a little more than one page of sketches though •v• because I'm an ass.

Also oh my God, I'm sorry for babbling so much at the start ;-;.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

A cool and peaceful breeze in the middle of all Hell [Yandere!Delinquent OC Male artist!Reader - Headcanon]:

Let's set the stage, dear.

You're one of many students inside Saint Bernard's School for Prodigies, a place that since it's building process, was meant to be a safe environment to all gifted students, and even students that didn't seem to have any talent at all. It was built to be a welcoming place.

It was built to rival Amaryllis Academy. While Amaryllis was focused on a specific group of people (coff coff rich families coff coff), Saint Bernard's was supposed to be the… "Common crowd alternative".

It never got to the same level of development as Amaryllis did. Although there are rumours about the Academy being a breeding ground for prejudice and discriminatory behavior (involving a lot of bullying towards students that had paid their way into the scholarship), Saint Bernard's was basically disfuncional.

The only thing granting a base for it's failed and shaky structure, was government income and the rumours around the school. Student deaths, delinquency, gang fights, fragile authority that fails to reinforce school regulations, contraband inside school grounds, no security for both the faculty's staff nor the students, severe cases of bullying, etc, etc.

You heard that a billion times. And don't get me wrong, it is not like there aren't good people here, good people that can't afford a better place to go. But the bad overthrows the good.

So here you are, just another boy trying to pass through the school year like any other student. A guy trying to keep under the radar of… Basically, every single student and teacher in this place. You came with terms that, sadly, you couldn't trust no one here.

You saw what happens if someone like you starts to get comfortable around these people. They're brutal. The thought of getting out of this place has crossed your mind many times, but you don't really know where else to go. It's the nearest place to your house, and it's literally free to enter.

You're the silent type, you're not exactly antisocial by any means, you just prefer to be left alone with your pens and your trust sketchbook, although, it's kinda not having much space left, is it?

You don't have more money to buy a better set of materials, and to be honest, you're aware of how unkindly people would treat you if you bring something a little more pricey. There were students who were already picking on you for the fact that you just kept drawing and being a lazy bun, if they saw you with things that clearly looked (even a little bit) expensive you would never hear the end of it.

You remember seeing a poor girl (I mean literally) who had saved her money to buy a new pair of shoes, since her's were clearly old and tearing apart. Her tenacity was something really admirable, as she saved more than enough money to buy something actually good for her. Something she probably didn't seem to be accustomed with, as her reaction to getting her new shoes destroyed in front of her own eyes was absolutely heartbreaking.

Chills still run down your spine, as you remember one boy saying something like-

"- It's her own fault. She shouldn't have come to this place wearing that."

You really hate this place, the only shine of light though was what you heard another boy say.

"- Yeah, it sure is a poor girls' fault that a bunch of imbeciles are jealous of her accomplishments." That sarcastic tone was more than enough to get your attention, looking at the direction of the voices talking you saw the two boys that were talking.

One was clearly discomfortable with the situation, like he just said something stupid and is trying to not sound as bad as it was, and the other one who was not even looking at the asshole beside him, and oddly enough, he wasn't looking at the situation happening in front of everyone anymore. He felt like someone was looking at him, and coincidentally, there you were.

Of course, he looked at you like he would simply get up and beat the shit out of you for staring at him, he thought you had a problem with him, and he wouldn't mind starting a problem with you if that were the case.

The cold look was enough to send you the message, and not wanting to cause any trouble, you just moved your attention to somewhere else, ya know, like the girl suffering in the middle of the school's hall, maybe you shouldn't have looked at him for so long.

I guess you were just, caught up in his features?

Okay, maybe you have a problem now. You can't help but keep drawing him! Like, okay, you thought that maybe just one sketch would be fine. He has a lot of nice facial features and- and he is always with a closed expression. No emotions, just pure angst. You found yourself liking to draw him, and when you noticed, you had enough material to cover two pages. Two fucking pages filled with a boy don't even know!!

[Y/N], come on, get to your senses. You heard about the boy, he is one of the many delinquents running this place, if not the leader of one of the most influential gangs around this hellhole. Jack, was it?

Imagine having that guy and his gang come beat you up for being extremely nosy and drawing him so many times? You want to know what's worse though? One of these sketches were from a specific moment you saw this man without his jacket on, his shirt being see through and almost non-existent.

You need to burn all of them. Immediately. Or otherwise your school year will go from manageable to completely fucked. But some of these make great art studies tho-

"- Yo. I need to talk with you." Oh dear lord, your time has come.

"- S-Sup!" You try to hide the sketchbook before he notices some interesting depictions of himself. But honestly, it was too late boo, he already knew about it.

"- Mayday told me you've been stalking me." Jack said, not sounding even a little bit concerned about being "stalked".

You don't really know who is "Mayday", unless she is one of his gang's members. Actually, you may have a guess on who she is. You think you saw some girl giving you odd looks here and there, not really mean looks, but just "concerned looks", and now that you think about it, you saw her walking around with Jack.

Wait, was she the girl that got her shoes destroyed that day?

"- Oi! Aren't you going to say what the fuck is your problem?" While you were thinking about who that girl was, Jack took the opportunity to come closer and snatch your sketchbook.

"- Give me that. You better answer me or you won't see this until then." Jack had started to open the sketchbook up, to his absolute luck and to your demise, he opened up on that exact page.

"- Wait! Hold on, don't open it!-"

Too late though. His face said everything.

"- Woah. Interesting." Jack knows absolutely nothing about art and drawing and stuff like that. Yeah, he may know a couple of things about writing but, it's completely different to him. He is impressed with how talented you are.

That's so quite flattering details you managed to put in there, does he really look like that to you?

"- This is your work right? Is this why you kept staring at me?" He asks you, but honestly, what would answer? This guy has a whole group of people that can easily hurt you, so telling the truth can both free you and damn you.

"- Yeah, I did all of these… I'm sorry if it seemed like I was stalking you, well, I mea- I'm sorry if it made you feel awkward, I just thought you were a interesting model I guess?" There is no imaginable way of saying this without sounding like an stalker, right? God, this is so embarrassing…

Jack is absolutely flattered by this. Oh, yeah, it's creepy as fuck, love. But does he really care? I mean, dearest, do you really know him?

Mayday wasn't the first one to notice you staring, of course he felt someone drooling over him. It facinates him how ever since that day you kept being more prominent in his life, or rather, in his mind, as he never really made a move to physically interact with you.

He is surprised by how his acting skills have improved, he thought that he wouldn't find a way to convince you of his surprise when noticing your drawings for the "first time". Throughout this whole time he has thinking about you, is funny to see that in a way you were also thinking about him. Well, partially, you probably saw him as only a way to improve your art.

And honestly, he doesn't mind being your muse.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[jaeyunluvs]

forever together - arón piper

Requested by @fashphotolife: Hiii I wanted to request an Aron Piper imagine where him & the reader have been broken up for a while because he thought it was the right thing to do but somehow they see each other again & she tells him how at the end it’s always gonna be him & one way or another they’re back together

A/N: Thank you for requesting! love the idea I hope you’ll like it! have a nice day <3 Also i changed one thing!!!

warnings: angst, fluff at the end

disclaimer: english is not my first language there might be some errors please let me know if i do! poor spanish also lol :))

It was 5 months since you’ve last seen him. The most painful time you’ve ever gone through in your life. 

The weird thing was everyone was extremely shocked about your guys’ break up because everyone knew you loved each other. 

You met him through your best friend Jane���s fiancée, Leo. What a coincidence that Aron is Leo’s best friend too. Since they love you both and don’t want you guys to stay single they set you guys up on a blind date. You were so hesitant about it.

But that blind date was the best date you could ever go to. 

It was all amazing. You guys dated for 8 months it was going all perfect. You guys even met each other’s parents. 

Until he started acting and spending so much time on set, you working and not being able to spend a lot of time together. Both of you were hurt. After many fights, you guys decided to brake up because you both thought it was the right thing to do. 

Was it really?

You tried dating some guys over the months, Jane set you up on various blind dates but you never felt right with the poor guys. You always politely declined their second date proposal.

He was the only one who felt good and right.

Here you are now, getting ready for Jane and Leo’s wedding. You were so happy for your best friend. Leo proposed to Jane when Aron and you were together. You, Leo and Aron set up the proposal and it was so heartwarming. 

It was the wedding morning, you, Jane, her bridesmaids and mom were getting ready for the wedding. You were so excited and happy for it because Jane and you always imagined getting married since you were kids. 

The place was magnificent. It was simple but colorful, the smell of fresh flowers and the astonishing decors were perfect.

“Y/N, I’m getting married today.” Jane told you while she was getting her hair ready. You can feel by her voice that she was getting emotional by tears filling in her eyes. This also made your emotional personality surface.

“I know Jane, it’s crazy, you’re not gonna be my hot single wingman anymore and we won’t be stalking hot guys.” you said while laughing with your tears. She sobbed more emotion pouring for her eyes and told you to shut up.

“Remember when we used to plan our weddings, you always picked Leonardo Di Caprio and I always picked Brad Pitt, we were going to get married in Hollywood and it would be the perfect wedding?” Jane claimed with nostalgia.  Leonardo Di Caprio was your biggest celebrity crush in the entire world. You laughed and sobbed together as you remembered your old memories.

After hugging and comforting each other Jane spoke ,“You know he’s gonna be here.” You knew exactly who she meant. The one and only Aron. You weren’t sure you’re ready to see him but you didn’t want to ruin your best friend’s most special day.

“We’re not gonna be thinking about my problems today, it’s your day carina!” You said trying to change the subject and hoping she would forget.

“Y/N, baby, I think you guys should talk again it’s clear that you-” Jane couldn’t even finished her sentence someone interrupted her.

“Jane, come on it’s the time, we’re going.” her mom said. Wow it was the time.

Meanwhile in the grooms room Leo was getting ready.

"Wow, my man is getting married!" Aron said excitedly walking into Leo's room

"Isn't it weird? Like me getting married?" Leo claimed joy filling in his voice.

"Cabron today is gonna be awesome and you're gonna marry your dream girl, also the honeymoon is a perfect time!" Aron reminded smirking, cheering up his best friend. He was very happy for his best friend and tried not to remember his dream girl.

"She's also gonna be there Aron." Leo told him.

Aron was feeling the same grief, over you. It wasn’t over for him. Leo and Jane knew that and they always talked about how those two precious human beings are suffering for no reason.

Aron had the most painful time of the year when you guys broke up. He felt weird because he never felt that way with a person in his life. He always teared up when he heard your name. He always bottled up his emotions but Leo knew he was sad. 

Aron looked at his phone while trying to ignore what he said about his ex, and then he realizes it's the time.

"Cabron it's the time we gotta go!" Aron said rapidly.

"Ah shit we should go! But you gotta talk that girl Aron please" said Leo before going. Aron ignored his comment but couldn’t help but think what would happen if he did

After Leo and Jane said their yes' and speech, you were legit sobbing out of happiness. Their wedding was perfect. You couldn't help but think of him cause you thought he was the one, he is still the one.

"Y/NNN IM MARRIEEEEEDDDD YAYYY!!!" Jane screamed hugging you from the behind while you were talking something with a friend.

"I KNOWW IM SO PROUD OF YOU I CRIED SO MUCH DUMBASS" You claimed expressing your happiness.

"Thank you Y/N, now it will be weird being introduced as married" Leo said while laughing.

They looked at the dancing stage, the people were waiting for them so you let them go. They danced with Louis Armstrong, Stevie Wonder and many romantic artists’ songs.

You looked around to see if Aron's there. He was there.

He was watching Leo and Jane dancing but there was another girl trying to flirt with him. You were furious for no reason. He wasn't even yours.

Aron also looked around to see you. He did see you but a girl was trying to flirt with him but he ignored her and continue to look for you.

After many songs there was it. That song was playing.

"Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now"

After that lyric, you looked at Aron and he looked at you.

"Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same"

"When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down"

"Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name"

You looked at Jane and Leo. They set this up of course it's their job.

"It all sounds like ooh, ooh hoo hoo"

"Mm, to young to dumb to realize"

"That I should have bought you flowers"

"And held your hand"

"Should have gave you all my hours"

"When I had the chance"

"Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance"

The accuracy of this song made you sob through the song and you ran to the bathroom.

That song always made you cry. It was fricking Bruno Mars.

"Get yourself together Y/N, it's over, are you dumb? Stop doing that! Stop making yourself sad!" you mumbled taking mental notes to yourself.

You were alone in the bathroom but then, you heard someone's footsteps. It was clear that it was a man you understand through the sound of the shoes. But who is it?

It can't be him, right?

"Y/N hey, can we talk please?" Aron said knocking on your door.

"Aron? Is that really you?” You asked feeling your heart feeling pain through your chest.

"Yes, please open your door and come here" Aron's husky voice and you can understand that he was also crying.

You opened the door, walking in front of him, taking a tissue, cleaned your nose while looking at him. He looked back for a second. But then he stopped.

"How are you Aron?" You asked feeling the tense.

"Fuck Y/N! Ever since you've gone my life had been hell!" he started to cry.

There was an awkward silence but you decided to talk.

“Aron I always went to many dates but no one is like you. I can't stop thinking of you." He stand there, trying to process what you were saying. He didn't say anything.  You felt an immediate panic. "I don't know I probably shouldn't have to say these. I'm sorry!" You said while feeling the guilt so bad.

But then when you're leaving, he held your wrist.

"Y/N it's always gonna be you. No matter how many girl i see, hook up or be girlfriend with will never be like you. You're the one. It's always gonna be you."

You felt sudden urge to kiss him. And you cupped his cheeks, wet from crying and kissed his lips.

The kiss was so long but it was so passionate. You could taste Aron's lips. It was full of grief and it was itchy because he always bite his lips harshly.

"Soo, does this mean we're back together?" he smiled between the make out session.

"Hmmm.. You could say so" You smirked stopping the kisses and hugging him tightly.

"I missed you so much cabron you have no idea" Aron told you so seriously.

"I missed you more but you’re here now" You defended yourself with wide grin on your face

That moment last 5 minutes more and then you and Aron decided to go dance on stage and announce you’re together again.

Jane and Leo were worried for you while they were dancing, cause they saw you crying. They knew, that song was your sweet spot because Aron and you always listened Bruno Mars. They opened it open purpose but it wasn’t to hurt you. It was for you and Aron.

Then a while longer, you weren't still nowhere to be found, Jane was almost going to leave the dance stage. But then she saw two familiar faces walking to the stage.

"ARON? Y/N? HOLDING HANDS?" Jane yelled at Leo.

"Oh my god baby! We're match makers!!" Leo yelled back.

"Hi guys!" you shyly smiled at the newly married couple. They were still in shock.

"We're back together. Thank you for helping us." Aron said holding your hands tightly.

Leo and Jane couldn't help but hug you guys tightly.

It was a perfect night.

After sending Jane and Leo to their honeymoon, you cried again. Aron cried with you. Everyone was so happy. Weddings as usual.

"You know it's the best day of my life today." Aron said, hugging you before leaving.

"I know, our best friends got married, and we got back together. Isn't that the best thing?" You smiled with full of happiness. You continued to hug.

"I'm hungry, we should get food" Aron broke the silence. You couldn’t help but laugh so hard. He was a whole mood

"Let's go get McDonalds?" You asked with amusement.

He looked at you smiling and said "McDonalds date it is!"

Best things in the whole world. Food and your boyfriend.

He was the one,

He was your man,

It's always gonna be him.

Song Credits: When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars

[xiubaek-13]

Better Off Dead

Prompt: Namjoon + “Hold on, you died” “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.” + “I promise I won’t bite. Unless you ask.”

Setting/AU: Vampire AU

Warnings: Character death, swearing, implied sex, vampires

Word Count: 1,949

“Happy Halloween kids!” You aunt called out as both you and Namjoon descended the stairs from your apartment.

You groaned in unison. “Oh my god, please don’t!” You cried out. Beside you Namjoon choked on his laughter. You smacked your friend for his betrayal.

“Ow! The hell was that for?” He winced as he dramatically clung to his right arm.

You huffed. “You’re not supposed to laugh when she embarrasses me like that. I’m a grown adult, not a kid. Besides, it’s Samhain. Halloween is so… commercial and tacky. It’s a special day, not a day for dressing like a twat and handing out candy.”

Namjoon shakes his head as the two of you continue walking towards campus. “Do you really believe all of the lore surrounding it?”

This was one of the reasons the two of you had been friends for so long. He’d let you rant and rave on your soapbox until you were blue in the face. He’d listen to everything you had to say and when you were done, he’d challenge your logic with questions. It was so nice to debate with someone who didn’t just shut you down. “I mean, traditionally the day is to celebrate the end of the harvest & the Celts held rituals to thank their gods for their harvest & to protect them during the winter that was to come. They honoured the dead as it was considered a liminal time, and that’s where the folklore takes artistic liberty. Really it was just that Samhain was halfway between solstices and they considered the veil between this world and the afterlife to be thin, that spirits were free to roam the earth for one night. It was a peaceful celebration but somewhere along the lines it was twisted into satan worship and tales of terror - demons and ghosts and all of that. Don’t even get me started on the vampire stuff.”

He nodded as you spoke, taking in all of the facts you were providing. “I know all of that. The bonfires, the dancing, the fae folklore about being lured by faeries to their circles and never being able to leave. I asked if you believed all of it and if I’m not mistaken, you did not answer me.” His tone was always matter of fact but when he spoke with you, there was always a hint of teasing involved too, just to rile you up.

“I don’t believe in the ghost stories, the demons and faerie lore that associates itself with Samhain. I do believe the rituals for honouring the dead and thanking the gods for the harvest. I believe it’s a time for reflection and for celebration before the cold months come.” You replied. “I also believe that that answered your question did it not?” You teased.

He chuckled as the two of you reached the campus. “You did, but there is no reason to be smug about it.” He poked your nose. “I’ve got like 4 hours of class coming up so I won’t see you until tonight. That is if you decide to grace our Halloween party.” He grinned.

“How quickly do you think Yoongi will throw me out if I educate the partygoers about Samhain?” You joke.

“Try it and find out. I want to see THAT particular conversation go down.” He grinned. “I think he only just decided to start speaking to you again after you tried to take over his St Patrick’s Day party.” You opened your mouth but Namjoon held out his hand to stop you. “For the love of all that is good, don’t start this again. I’ve gotta run, come by tonight?”

“I’ll think about it.” Is the best answer you can give. It’s good enough for Namjoon because he smiles and turns to run off to class. You still have twenty minutes before your next class so you decide to grab a coffee, a decision that you instantly regret when you set foot in the cafe. “Fucking pumpkin spiced lattes and fucking lame costumes. Gods I hate Halloween.” You mutter to yourself.

Beside you you hear a low chuckle. You glance over to find Yoongi standing next to you. His glare freezing you to the spot. “Please, do not go off on one of your manic rants. I haven’t had my coffee yet and I will kill you if you screech like a banshee as those vapid sorority girls.”

“You hate them too, why not let me have my fun?” You ground out.

“Do whatever you want after I’ve left with my life source. Do it before then and Namjoon will have to bail me out of jail for making an attempt on your life.” He bites back.

“That’s an awful way to treat your fuck buddy.” You smirk. Your words don’t phase Yoongi and honestly you shouldn’t expect them to. You know how he is before that first cup of the day and it’s not pretty.

***

You never ended up going to the party, something you regret every day. You never knew that the last time you’d see Namjoon was as he ran off to class that day. You went straight home after your classes and collapsed into your bed, ordered pizza and binged a season of White Collar. You missed the frantic calls from Yoongi, the stream of messages from mutual friends as they tried to check in on you. Little did you know that the worst had happened.

They don’t prepare you for how to feel when you find out that your best friend dies. You expect that kind of thing to happen when you’re both 80 and at peace with the concept. You don’t expect it to happen when you’re in your early twenties, the prime of your life. But it did. Namjoon was ripped from the earth by a drug addict in a mugging gone wrong on his way to Yoongi’s party. The police told you he died quickly from the stab wounds but that did little to make you feel better. All you could think of was that he was alone as he bled out on the shortcut he always took to Yoongi’s place. It was irrational to think that if you were with him that this wouldn’t have happened but you still felt guilty for not being there, for not being able to comfort him.

You went through the textbook stages of grief, Yoongi going through them as well. The two of you had to cease your arrangement, agreeing that time apart to accept the loss of your friend and to heal in a healthy way was necessary. After a month the two of you started to catch up for coffee and lunch, just to chat and to get both of you outside.

Everything reminded you of him, certain places, songs, topics, foods. Hell, even the rain reminded you of him. You could have sworn that you’d spotted him in the distance a few times, only to feel that sinking in your gut as you reminded yourself that it couldn’t be him. Nights were worse because you could still hear his voice.

***

“Don’t scream. Just hear me out.” He said calmly.

You were anything but calm. Until twenty seconds ago you were peacefully sleeping. Then he shook you awake. You had to be dreaming because he couldn’t be here, he could never be here again. Your eyes widened in shock, you brain telling you to scream. Maybe you were seeing him when it was in fact a murderer in your room. You were too scared to even ask yourself why a murdered would wake you up so gently before you know, murdering you. He let go of you and slowly stepped away from the bed. With every step he took you felt a little more at ease.

“I’m just going to sit at your desk. When you’re ready to talk, let me know.” He said, as though this was a normal visit.

“Why are you here?” You started.

“I… well I missed you.” He said slowly.

“How are you here?” You asked.

“I still have a key to the apartment.” He replied nonchalantly.

You shook your head as you tried to sift through your thoughts.  “Hold on, you died.”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well it didn’t stick.”

He was too calm for this. You were freaking out because your best friend, who you missed like crazy, was sitting in your room in the middle of the night because he missed you. This would be less terrifying if he hadn’t died two months ago. You felt your heart hammering in your chest as you tried to process this conversation. “Namjoon. Don’t take this the wrong way but I’m gonna need an explanation here because you fucking died and you cannot be here right now. I’m either asleep and having the weirdest dream ever or I fucking lost it and had a mental breakdown.”

“You’re not crazy, but you’re going to hate what I’m about to tell you.” He smiled tightly. It looked like his smile but the feeling was off.

“You know what. Try me, because right now I’m processing that I’m talking to a dead guy so honestly, how much worse can it get?” You were pretty sure you were crazy but no one else was present, except for Namjoon and he didn’t count, to tell you otherwise. You made a mental note to self admit yourself as soon as this conversation was over or at sunrise, whichever came first.

He scratched his jaw as he avoided your gaze. Something he used to do all the time when he had to give you information that he knew would be poorly received. “The police report isn’t wrong, it just left out some vital information. I was on my way to Yoongi’s party when a junkie jumped me and stabbed me. I did bleed out in the alley, scared and helpless, but it was quick and my suffering was short. I said my goodbyes in my mind and asked the universe to look after you because I knew you’d blame yourself.” He paused and made eye contact with you. “There was nothing you could have done, trust me.” You felt a tear slide down your cheek as you heard the story of how your best friend died all over again. “What they left out was the bite marks on my neck that the junkie inflicted before trying to cover them up with the stab wounds. The also left out the part where my body mysteriously went missing after they locked the morgue.” He sighed deeply. “I woke up three hours from here in a cabin. I was confused and terrified but glad to be alive. I had no idea how I’d survived but the pain in my guy made me think I was still injured. I later learned that the pain was in fact, hunger. And that I hadn’t survived. Not entirely.”

Something clicked in your brain at that moment. “Fuck. Off.”

He chuckled. “Please, the cruel irony isn’t lost on me either.”

“Are. Are you trying to tell me, ME?! That you, Kim Namjoon, are a goddamn vampire?!” You spat out in a mixture of disgust and disbelief.

“I promise I won’t bite. Unless you ask.” He shrugged.

“I think I preferred it when I thought you were dead. Honestly, of all the things to be real, fucking vampires?! I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

“I missed you too.” He strode over and enveloped you in a hug.

[starringemiliaclarke]

Press: Emilia Clarke interview: the Game of Thrones star on leaving Westeros behind to tackle the West End

Emilia Clarke interview: the Game of Thrones star on leaving Westeros behind to tackle the West End

Clarke, who now stars in Chekhov’s The Seagull, tells Louis Wise that the HBO fantasy series made her feel like a ‘small cog in a big machine’

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PHOTOSHOOTS & OUTTAKES > 2020 > 2020 The Sunday Times

MAGAZINES > 2020 > 2020 The Sunday Times Culture Magazine – March 15

  The Times: Emilia Clarke says she views herself primarily as a stage actress, which is a little weird when you consider that she has only appeared in one play professionally before, and it was an absolute turkey. Or, as the 33-year-old star of Game of Thrones says, in her jolly British way, it was “terrible, awful, awful! Bad! That was a bad show!” The piece was Breakfast at Tiffany’s on Broadway in 2013, and it’s safe to say Clarke’s Holly Golightly did not enchant. “I’ll never forget, someone said to me after press night the only thing they liked was the cat.”

If Clarke relays this with surprising good humour, this is part temperament, part experience. For one thing, in person she is relentlessly chipper and pukka. Whereas on HBO’s mega-fantasy series Game of Thrones, she grew in stature as Daenerys Targaryen, a still, dignified stateswoman (until that end), in real life she is a goofy motormouth chatterbox, always eager to catch the joke at her expense. And she is no stranger to what we shall politely call “the mixed review”. She has known some drubbings, whether for that Broadway show, or films such as Last Christmas or Terminator Genisys, or indeed the final series of GoT, which — euphemism alert! — didn’t quite turn out the way everybody wanted.

Luckily she never reads reviews. “Because if it’s really, really good, someone will tell you. And if it’s really, really bad — some f***** will tell you.”

We are meeting today, though, at a rehearsal space in south London, because she is chucking herself back into the fray. For only her second stage appearance, Clarke is going straight into the West End, in Chekhov’s The Seagull, and taking on the prestigious role of Nina. If she is nervous, she’s handling it in the usual way, which is to say with huge blasts of good cheer.

Two clichés about meeting starsis that they are a) smaller than you thought, but b) their features are stronger than expected. Both are true of Clarke. She is tiny, proper Kylie-tiny, nicely decked out in a gauzy beige-cream knit, some fashionably frayed jeans and pointy, well-worn white cowboy boots. Yet her eyes and grin look extra big: if she stays still, she’s a dainty doll, but as soon as she moves it’s Looney Tunes. To be clear, she never stays still.

This energy feels helpful, as we have a lot to pack in. After all, Clarke’s past decade has been particularly wild. Not only did she rocket suddenly to fame in GoT (until then, her only screen credit was an episode of Doctors), she also lost her father to cancer in 2016 and, as she revealed in 2019, had suffered a sequence of brain haemorrhages in her early twenties, just as the madness of GoT was kicking off.

In private, she experienced various exhausting surgeries at the same time as becoming one of pop culture’s favourite mascots, scrutinised relentlessly on a moral, artistic and very physical level. She recalls being in hospital recovering from an operation and picking up a newspaper. “I was, like, ‘I’m going to see if I can read it,’” she says. “And I was, like, ‘Oh my God, there’s a review of the show. And, oh God, they are just talking about how fat my arse is.’”(Which is the last review she read.)

All of which brings us to the elephant, or dragon, in the room. Over seven seasons, Daenerys, aka Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons, had one hell of an arc, going from weak dynastic pawnto all-conquering queen, a kind of Catherine the Great with sub-Barbarella hair. And then, oops! Daenerys, thrilled at almost achieving her goal of ruling the Seven Kingdoms, lost the plot, turned into a psychotic dead-eyed tyrant, massacring a whole city and essentially going the full Pol Pot. She was then abruptly bumped off by her lover-cum-nephew, Jon Snow, and a worldwide fanbase stopped and went: what?

For Clarke, it had been a hard secret to keep — she had known the ending long in advance. She admits she is still processing it all.

“When the show did end, it was like coming out of a bunker. Everything felt really strange. Then obviously for it to have the backlash it did …” Did she expect it? She slows down, a rare occurrence. “I knew how I felt when I first read it, and I tried, at every turn, not to consider too much what other people might say, but I did always consider what the fans might think — because we did it for them, and they were the ones who made us successful, so … it’s just polite, isn’t it?”

It’s clear Clarke is caught between her close friendship with the series’ creators, David Benioff and DB Weiss, and her deep awareness of what most fans wanted. In fact, she first suggests that it’s the news wot done it.

“I do think that the global temperature, how much horrific news there is consistently, goes a way to explain the enormity of the fans’ outrage,” she argues. “Because people are going, finally, here’s something I can actually see and understand and get some control back over … and then when that turns, and you don’t like what they’ve done …”

Hmm. It’s a nice theory, but with Daenerys we were just denied a happy ending, right? She nods quietly. “Yeah.” So did not getting that also make her sad? She tries to explain that “as an actor” it was actually all “a gift”, but eventually the tornado of diplomacy peters out. “Yeah, I felt for her. I really felt for her. And yeah, was I annoyed that Jon Snow didn’t have to deal with something?” She lets us out an exasperated laugh. “He got away with murder — literally.”

She also eventually agrees with the critique that the final season condensed far too much in far too little time (“We could have spun it out for a little longer”) and that it could simply have had more dialogue. “It was all about the set pieces,” she agrees. “I think the sensational nature of the show was, possibly, given a huge amount of airtime because that’s what makes sense.”

Is she at least happy it ended when it did? “I mean, ‘happy’ is a funny word. It’s a strong word. Again, the show was so big. I was a small cog in a very, very, very big machine …”

What she means, though, is that she actually liked this. The show provided a routine, a family, something to fall back on every year; it also gave her experience. “I very much feel my career is something that’s happened to me, as opposed to the other way around,” she says. But she can see that being a cog has its limits, as doesforever having to cater to fans and, yes, to the press. “Doing a show so many people had opinions about doesn’t serve your creativity on any level.”

All of which explains why she is doing this Seagull with Jamie Lloyd, the director who just landed raves for his Cyrano with James McAvoy. And, yes, although she knows it’s “hilarious”, she somehow does “identify closer with theatre”. This is mostly to do with her dad, who was a theatre engineer; her mother is a vice-president in marketing for a management consultancy firm. Clarke and her brother had an idyllic-sounding childhood in Oxfordshire. Inspired by her father’s job, she always wanted to be an actress, apparently from the age of three. “I think of him whenever I’m walking through the West End,” she says. “My dad is everywhere in the theatre, 100%.”

She says this happily; I get the impression she hasn’t finished grieving, she’s just moved on to a better, celebratory phase. How would he feel about her playing Nina? “I think he would be nervous for me,” she says with a chuckle. It is, she knows, a big role: Nina, the aspiring actress whose dreams of fame are dashed, but who plugs away regardless. “I was never your Nina at drama school, that’s for sure,” says Clarke. “I wasn’t really a favourite [there], at all.”

Instead, she got parts like Jewish grannies, or “a down-and-out, pissed-off, washed-up prostitute”. But did she always want to be Nina or Juliet? “Well, of course I did. Oh my God, yeah. So I’m in no doubt there’s still some of that in me where I’m like: ‘Oh my God, guys, check it out! Finally she got there.’”

Clarke does like to cast herself as an underdog, although, thankfully, she does seem mostly to be aware that she is coming from a place of privilege. By the end of GoT she was reportedly paid $500,000 an episode. Is money a concern any more? “I am careful,” she says. “I’m a lot more careful now than I was.” She has a lovely house in north London with a bar in the garden. She can pick jobs for their artistic content first and foremost (“I want to work with an auteur!”). So yes, she knows she has it good, which is why she waited several years before revealing her brain trauma.

“I didn’t want to turn it into this celebrity sob story. I didn’t want people’s pity or ‘Oh, poor little rich girl, your successful life ain’t good enough?’” She is now happy she did it. “It’s done a huge amount of healing for me, being able to open up about it.” Her health status is “beautiful” now. “I was match-fit six weeks after the second surgery [in 2013],” she clarifies. “But mentally …”

On the other end of the spectrum, her fame has made something else hard: dating. “I am single right now …” She says with a smile. “Dating in this industry is interesting. I have a lot of funny anecdotes, a lot of stuff I can say at a fun dinner.” She was last seen in 2018 with a film director, and before that she was linked to Seth MacFarlane and James Franco. Does she mostly date fellow actors, because that’s how the industry works? “I was, and now I’m not,” she says — more smiles.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say I’ve completely sworn off them, but I do think actor relationships that are successful are few and far between, and you have to have a ton of trust.” Now and then her friends tell her to try Raya, the dating app that is supposedly for more exclusive celeb types. When she looks at it, though, “it’s just models. What am I going to do there?”

In short, everything about Clarke’s life is still monumentally weird, but she is doing a good job of pretending it’s not. After the play, she has “any one of nine projects that could go at the end of this year, and I have no idea which one will win”. A lot, she announces, are “dark”. Would she do fantasy again? “I think, if I did, it would be me having a giggle,” she says. I take this to mean her doing a send-up, a kind of Extras take on GoT, but no: “I want to do something absolutely stupid and silly, like, you know, The Avengers or whatever. Something where I got to have a giggle with mates.”

I’ve never thought of the Marvel mega-franchise as a downtime laff with pals, but that’s the level Clarke is operating on. I suppose it’s a pretty good happy ending.

The Seagull, Playhouse, London WC2, until May 30

Press: Emilia Clarke interview: the Game of Thrones star on leaving Westeros behind to tackle the West End was originally published on Enchanting Emilia Clarke | Est 2012

[christyto4d-beyond]

Inspirational Artist Link: Responses

Electric stimulus to the face:  This felt a little disturbing to me to watch - to see people’s faces and muscles moving without their will.  It felt to me like a commentary on how much of human experience is actually just reaction or reflex and we are all programmed the same. 

Alter Bahnhof: I thought this concept was fascinating - I didn’t realize until several minutes in that what was on the screen wasn’t what was currently happening.  At first I thought we were watching the artist record.  The way she used the overlay of past and present was really powerful - especially as she was talking about national and personal memories.  

Bike Lanes: Oh my gosh!  I loved the brashness of this piece.  And Casey’s commitment to a kind of physical comedy to drive home a point.  

Candice Breitz’s Portraits Legend +  Queen:  Neither of these albums are sound tracks that I have spent much time with, though I am familiar with many of the songs.  So the musicality pieces was not a huge draw for me.  However, I love the structure of these works.  And I love thinking of them as portraits because it’s a true description on several levels.  It’s a portrait of the original artists and a portrait of the album.  It also ends up being portrait-like of each of the participants. 

Meat Joy:  This one made me curious.  It sounded like the audio was reading instructions for something and I wonder if they were written for something else and then applied as part of this piece or if they were written for this piece?  Between the French and just the older sounding audio I don’t think I caught all the words.  What I could see and tell was that this piece was really pushing boundaries and it felt like it was making a statement about bodies that really resonated with me.  

Vanessa Beecroft VB40:  More than beauty and suffering, it seems like Beecroft’s pieces (and especially VB40) are commenting on what it means to be a woman in this society.  This is one that will stick with me and that I will be reflecting on for a while.  One of the things that really struck me was how some of the women would glance around and once they saw others sitting or resting, only then would she give herself permission to do so also.  

Quintet of the Astonished: I love this deep dive into human emotion.  With the 5 actors, it feels like a commentary on how everyone works through series of of overlapping and even contradictory emotions and that we all respond to a similar event a little differently.  What resonates most with me is that it feels like an almost giving permission for viewers to deeply feel their own emotions. 

Staging:  Listening to Hassabi speak, I was so aware of the building tension and discomfort watching someone just be somewhere and to move so slowly and intentionally - it also made me much more aware of my breath.  It made me hyper aware of the space and their surroundings, as she said.  It feels like she is slowing down time by literally slowing down movement in the moment, rather than editing it later.  I’m really interested in the contradictory reaction her work elicits - in me and it sounds like in others. 

Talking Tongues:  Wow - I feel she’s just sitting next to me chatting - and it’s horrifying to think how little has changed to protect women from routine violence.  

Perimeter of a Square: The main elements of this piece (the taped square, the movement in time to the metronome) are very fixed, rhythmic and almost rigid.  There was a disjarring contrast between that almost static/fixed nature of the primary elements with the disorganized background and the occasional awkward transition between sides or directions.  It leaves me thinking about structure - how can it can scaffold a form and create deeper meaning, but also how it can stifle content/meaning if it’s too rigid.  

Punk Prayer: Using music and performance to challenge the power of the church and state resonates so much with me.  At first I was wondering how did they have get permission to produce this in such a traditional looking church - and then I realized they hadn’t and were just doing it!  

Cut Piece:  This piece made me super uncomfortable - particularly seeing the men come up to cut pieces of her dress off.  Especially the man at the end, who cut off the straps of her white camisole or undershirt made me squirm and made me mad - particularly because that was outside of the bounds of what [I understood] she had invited people to do (cut the black dress off). 

Interior Scroll:  This appeared to me to be a commentary on where we as women look to for guidance, purpose or meaning.  Is it exterior like in books?  Or interior?  And  when we look and are guided from inside ourselves it makes others really uncomfortable.  I really loved this and that message really spoke to me. 

Bound Foot + Mouth:  To me, this piece felt like it was about the entrapping nature of shame: it keeps us slipping and sliding, on unsure footing and with no words, to move forward.  The other words in the pudding I think were sexual slurs -- maybe part of the cyclical nature of causing and perpetuating feelings of shame?

Wholesome:  This film resonated for me as an allegory for information - we are force-fed way too much information to process and healthily integrate or respond to every day.  

Roll of a Woman:  The double entendre of this is amazing.  Nice to way to end a list with some heavy topics

How to Earn a Glass of Water:  This is so hard to watch and reveals such a hard truth about disparate access to resources.  

Can knot: Guitterriez wrote about the need for patience and perseverance in attempting to solve problems as the meaning behind the piece.  However, what stood out and resonated with me the most was that the microphone was the last cord to be untangled.  It said something to me about voice and how (especially as women) there is so much built in to silence us, to make us stay small and those systemic pressures have to be worked through and untangled interiorly to find our (my voice) to be then be able to address them exteriorly.  

[independentartistbuzz]

Indie 5-0: 5 Questions with Reggie Harris

A teaching artist in the Kennedy Center’s CETA program (Changing Education Through the Arts) and a fellow for the prestigious Council of Independent College lecture program, Reggie Harris also serves as Co-President and Director of Music Education for the Living Legacy Project—an advocacy group that sponsors Civil Rights pilgrimages throughout the South and online education seminars worldwide. His new album On Solid Ground is about all healing and inspiration in the face of injustice and dissension. From love songs (“Come What May”) to protest songs (“Standing in Freedom's Name”) to the album-closing tribute (“High Over the Hudson”) to his friend and mentor Pete Seeger, On Solid Ground has a little bit of something for everyone. Harris is the 2021 recipient of Folk Alliance International's Spirit of Folk Award and is a DJ on the new program Prisms: The Sound Of Color on SiriusXM’s The Village. He was recently featured on CNN’s Silence is Not An Option with Don Lemon and in The New York Times.

Listen to Reggie Harris via Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/artist/0HWFtZHIDLRaW9POYMsAtp

1. At what age did you realize that music was the career you wanted to pursue? What was your ‘ah-ha’ moment? Wow. It came late. I mean, I’ve been singing since I was three or four years old, but I never really had any reason to think of music as a possible career. No one in my family or for that matter, in my social circle, did anything of the sort. People asked that question “What do you wanna be?” all the time but I saw music as just something you did in church or at school or in family sings around the piano. I always loved music and I was always good at it. I learned to harmonize really early and I sang all through high school but never gave any thought to it as a profession. I thought I’d be a teacher. But the “aha moment” came when I heard James Taylors' "Fire and Rain" on the radio one night in 12th grade. Something about his guitar and his expressive voice lit a fire that burned inside until I got a guitar in my hands in 1974. That happened when a young woman I was dating dared me to learn 3 chord on the guitar. That event unleashed something inside of me that had gone untapped in all my years of singing in choirs and groups and at school. I now had the ability to accompany myself with music that I heard from within. I bought the album Sweet Baby James and played the grooves out. That opened the door to Gordon Lightfoot, Don McClean, Cat Stevens, Kenny Rankin and the singer songwriters. I started watching shows like The Midnight Special or Don Kirschner’s Rock Concert and I started going to concerts. And around that same time, I met another young woman named Kim who played guitar and loved the same artists I did. She and I started meeting up and practicing songs, then we began writing songs and quickly became singing partners. Eventually we got married and I’d say, we pushed each other out the door and onto the stage. We were both passionate about making music and helped each other learn and grow and we were both willing to struggle to make it work. We did that for forty years and then separated and I became a solo act in 2016. I love the way it feels to spend hours making music and I really love how it makes other people feel when they hear it. It also gives me a voice to express what I see in the world. My passion for creating music and connecting the dots is stronger than ever. 2. Who are your musical inspirations? What artists inspired you to start your career and find your musical passion? My musical inspiration started early and there have been so many streams. Hearing the “old folks” in my church sing spirituals and hymns was formative and Sunday afternoon church events where 6 or 7 or more church choirs would travel around and have a gospel song fest at another church was exciting and grounding. All those amazing singers covering those great songs. I remember hearing Harry Belafonte, Mahalia Jackson, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, Sam Cooke and others on my mother's radio in the morning as she got ready for work. Their voices just made you feel emotions like nothing else in the world. Our teachers in elementary taught us the songs of Woody Guthrie, Paul Robeson, Pete Seeger and Bob Dylan and we sang “Blowing in the Wind” (The Peter, Paul, and Mary version) and "If I Had A Hammer" for 6th grade graduation. I remember standing on the steps of my house in Philly with three of my friends, in the summer of 1964, singing “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” at the top of our lungs. We all took different roles as The Beatles. I thought I was Paul of course! That strikes me funny now… four little black boys in inner-city Philadelphia thinking they were English rockers? Why not The Temps? Or Smokey and the Miracles? There was also Aretha Franklin and The Stones in 1965 with "Satisfaction." Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder fascinated me and all those great Motown artist’s voices came floating down the hall to my room as my sister came of age. I paid attention to the musicians and the arrangements too. Years later, after I discovered the guitar, I met Pete Seeger, Tom Paxton and Ritchie Havens and other folk musicians and started to find a groove that combined what they were doing with other music I loved. My inspiration stream crosses genres, race, decade and style. Stevie Wonder to Pete Seeger, to Bach to Dolly Parton to Joan Armatrading to the Yellow Jackets to Beyonce. Listening across genres gives me more information to process which I can incorporate in melodies, harmonies or language for lyrics. 3. What inspired you to write & record On Solid Ground? I got home on March 8, 2020 after my tour was abruptly ended by COVID-19 shutdowns. For 3 weeks, I sat watching the news, talking with friends, feeling the world come apart as concert dates disappeared from my calendar for months and months into the future. Since concerts, lectures and school programs are the major ways that I get to sow seeds of hope in the world, I felt at a great loss. Like everyone else, I saw tensions building and protests against the various issues of hate and division exploding in the streets and felt that I needed to make sense of it all.

Music is the place I go when I need the world to make sense. So I started doing online concerts and that helped me to see how hungry people were for music and connection. My answer to the desperation and fear that I saw rising all around was to write the song "On Solid Ground." It’s written in the style and frame of the spirituals which are songs I grew up singing and that I still sing now. They are songs composed by people who endured slavery…people who were suffering through devastatingly tough times and still found ways to persevere through music and community. So my message? We can get through this time of challenge and change if we pull together and face ourselves.

Then the floodgates opened. I watched people flood into the streets to protest the George Floyd and Breonna Taylor killings and the growing acts of election suppression and wrote “Standing in Freedom’s Name” and “Let’s Meet Up Early.” I also arranged Malvina Reynolds' “It Isn’t Nice" as a tribute. Inspired by articles about workers who were being put in danger by callous factory owners and government officials, I wrote “My Working Bones.”

In the isolation of missing my girlfriend, who lives 10 hours away, I wrote “Come What May.” Then, watching street scenes on TV in 2020 that mirrored C.T. Vivian’s classic stand-off with Sheriff Jim Clark in Selma in 1965, I was inspired to write “It’s Who We Are.” It’s my challenge to the avoidance of questions of race, inequality and disenfranchisement that we as a nation are still struggling to face. But the protests showed a possible willingness to change?

I wrote the song "High Over the Hudson" about Pete Seeger in 2014 but never put it on a CD. And "Maybe It’s Love" was a fun writing exercise about the nature of romance.  Song after song was born as a timely reflection on what was on my mind every day and as I would finish one song, another would rise up.

Soon I had 9 originals and 4 songs that I was inspired to arrange as covers and I thought, ”Looks like a CD to me.” 4. What was the process like bringing the album to life, and who did you work with to create it?

Recording this CD was both supremely challenging, deeply therapeutic and also the most relaxed I’ve ever been in the studio. The project gave me an outlet for stress. We had to be very careful about COVID-19 protocols and close proximity at all times. Travel was weird and in a few impossible moments, we worked remotely. I was also wondering if I’d ever get to go out and perform the songs once they were done or if anyone would ever buy physical music again since that has been decreasing for years. But as I called on musicians who were not only good friends but who I knew would respond to my vision, the way to proceed got clearer.  My core co-contributors, Greg Greenway and Dave Schonauer, have been critical collaborators on my last three CDs. Greg and I have known each other for over 30 years and were born three days apart. So we have a language that just flows. We met and did pre-production in August and then hit the studio in September. Dave, the engineer at Morningstar Studios, is just brilliant. He makes things possible that most people don’t think of. Pat Wictor is my improvisational exploration brother as is Tom Prasado-Rao. Pat got up from a bout with COVID-19 and a recovery from tearing a tendon in his arm and played his newly retrained fingers off. Tom came out of a major bout with cancer and simmered with vocal ideas. They were all amazing at helping me chase my vision and “letting me be me" while adding brilliance and calling me on things didn’t quite measure up. We work at a level of trust that transcends words. I met bassist Chico Huff and drummer Matt Scarano when I recorded the CD Ready to Go in 2017-18 and they both play my music like they were there when I wrote it! Eric Byrd is a friend who is an amazing musical force and funny as hell. And Colleen Kattau, Mark Murphy and Ken Ulansey are longtime friends who just find the right temperature and vibe all the time. Everyone did what I love: They came in the door with passion and flexibility, brought their “A” games and didn’t leave until we got it right. And now Kari Estrin, Sarah Bennett and my friend Joann Murdock are helping me get it out to the world. 5. What do you have in store for the rest of 2021? I’m looking forward to continuing to unveil these songs, first during online concerts and then, as things begin to open up, with the start of whatever the new in-person performing landscape will become. I’ll continue to provide education videos for schools and doing lectures and residency work with colleges and universities on my own and through the Council of independent Colleges. The pandemic also gave me the time to work on a memoir which I’m trying to finish with a friend who is co-writing. And I’ll continue my work in civil, voting and human rights with the Living Legacy Project organization as we work to extend awareness and social activism. In my spare time, I hope to go to a few baseball games, see fully vaccinated friends for visits and hugs, watch a few movies and hopefully see my 76ers win the NBA championship. And I think I also need to get some rest.

[bethe1all4one]

[TRANS] B1A4 ROLLIN' thanks to. messages

<Jinyoung> 

We’re experiencing this great day again! It’s comeback day! hehe Our album preparations were fun, but I think lately my thoughts have become deeper through the process of working on our album. Since our debut up to this moment, we’ve spent time together with our BANAs right? I started to wonder how I could freshly express this time we’ve spent together into music. Every day with our BANAs has been fun and filled with happiness, but there were also some BANAs who appeared to have a sad look. That’s why this time, I wanted to recommend the song ‘Smile Mask’. It’s a song about this ‘smile mask’ syndrome that a lot of people appear to be experiencing nowadays. It’s a sad reality where you want to cry but you have to smile, and you’re suffering but you still have to smile.. It really hurt my heart during our fansigns to hear some of our BANAs’ stories about these tough times.. Even if it’s just during the brief moment that you’re in front of me, you don’t have to smile. I can listen to all of the stories you have to say! They say a smiling face is a happy one, but I think it’s a happier thing to be able to express exactly what you are feeling inside~ Of course, not all of this is easy, but let’s have strength and fight it together! I think this is why this album is very special. I hope it can be a source of strength for our BANAs! If you can feel happiness through our music, is there anything better in this world? This time I put on a more serious tone, but I really wanted to pass strength onto you. And of course, I have to receive strength from our BANAs!! hehe I am always thinking of you and I treasure you. I love you BANA.

<CNU> 

To be truthful, we experienced the most ups and downs with this album. It’s because through this album, we deeply thought about the direction we wanted B1A4 to take. As we worked on our albums we’ve taken lots of risks and made first-attempts, and I think that all of this remained as important moments for us. I wanted to say sorry and thank you to all of the BANAs who waited so long for B1A4′s album, and I wanted to say thank you to the many staff members who worked hard until the completion of the album. I hope you can look forward to our new and growing image. We will stay devoted by continuing to think hard and work hard. 

<Sandeul> 

Because we’ve returned to you after 10 months with Rollin’, I think I feel thankful and sorry towards our BANAs who’ve waited for B1A4′s music up until now. So we worked really hard to present you with an album filled with our songs. This album is even more meaningful to me because it contains the song <Like A Child>, which is one I participated in the making of. This album is being released 7 years after our debut, but it contains B1A4′s efforts to maintain the spirit and intentions that we had at the beginning of our journey. This is an album in which we’ve worked hard to make each member’s unique strengths shine, and we poured great passion into it, so we hope it becomes an album that is loved by many for a long time. I want to say thank you to everyone who loves this album.

<Baro> 

You’ve waited long right, finally our new album has been released. My fellow members, all of you must have been tired with your individual activities, but you found time in between to work on music and help create such a great album, so I’m so thankful. For this album’s promotions as well, let’s make it to the end nicely!! Without getting sick! And to my mom who always greets me by asking if I did a good job after my schedules, to my dad who only thinks of us as he works hard in our hometown, and to my awesome younger sister Yoonji who has achieved her dream of debuting, thank you all so much, and I always gain strength because of you! Love you! And our BANAs!! It must have been hard waiting for our album, but thank you for waiting, and I feel so comforted knowing you are always by our side, whether we’re sad or going through a tough time!! Moving forward, let’s only walk on a flowery road!! Love you!! 

<Gongchan>

BANA♡ It’s already the 7th year since we’ve been together. I think time flies too quickly. A lot’s happened in 7 years right? So much that we can’t count :) Up until now though, there’s something that really amazes me. It’s the fact that we’ve become a lot like each other over the past 7 years, isn’t it fascinating? We first met in 2011.. when we first met there was a lot we didn’t know about each other yet, and we were quite different, but as we spent days and months and years together, we started to share the same thoughts, same feelings, and even the same heart. We laugh and cry with our BANAs, and the fact that we are able to share these emotions with each other makes me feel so happy. I especially feel this when I see our fans from the stage. Even if you don’t say it, even if we just look each other in the eye, we’re able to know what the other is thinking, and we’re able to experience that moment with the same feelings. At first it made me feel shy and I didn’t know what to do, but as I continued to see you I started to miss you, I didn’t want to leave you, and I wanted to stay by your side. When we stay together for a long time and part afterwards, it hurts my heart. I want to stay and chat with you longer... but I can’t do that. That’s why since last year, I’ve tried to be more active through my SNS. I like uploading my stories and sharing them with you, but even more than that, I am curious about our BANAs’ day, and I want to communicate with you. Of course there must be lots of people who are curious about my day-to-day. So I do share my stories, but I find our BANAs’ stories much more fun. Other than the emotions we feel together when we are on stage, I am able to experience more diverse feelings and emotions through our BANAs’ stories. Even in the little things our BANAs experience, there are many emotions spread throughout them, and as we communicate with each other about these things, it brings me great happiness to be able to share these new feelings with you. As the days pass I am drawn to it more. I love these moments when we can share stories, and I want to chat with even more BANAs. We may be far apart, but in that moment, I feel our emotions coming together as one. Moving forward, I’ll only do it more and more, I will never stop~! Thank you for supporting us for 7 years and staying by our side. I love you for loving us. I’m excited about moving forward with these emotions we’ve shared, and about the future emotions that we’ll experience as we stay together. Let’s share even more of these these moments together! 

<Special Thanks to>

Firstly, we want to say thank you to Lee Won Min CEO for investing a lot of energy up to the release of our album. To Kim Jin Mi director who always works hard for B1A4, Cho Ji Hyun director who works hard day and night, and Park Dong Joo director, thank you. We also want to say words of thanks and love to all of our WM family members. Though we usually don’t express ourselves, we always have a heart filled with thanks. We hope that we can continue on together for a long time. To our make-up artist Hae Ran, hair stylist Tae Jin, Yu Mi, So Jung, stylist Hae Ryeong, team manager Mi Kyeong, Hee Seung, Soo Ji, director Gwi Hoon of Korea’s greatest dance team Free Mind who made up the incredible choreography, and our genius coach Jung Wan, we love you. To Jun Sung, Eun Sook, Ja Yeon, and Hwang Min Hee who are our sound engineers from W Sound, to Lee In Hoon director and Gye Myeong Hoon PD from Segaji Video who made our incredible music video, and Hwang Hye Jung manager who took the beautiful jacket photos for us, thank you all so much. It is because of all of you that B1A4 could exist and that this album could be released. Thank you once again..

Trans: roz @ bethe1all4one Please remove all translations with full credits to source and translator.

[resbang-bookclub]

AMA Transcript: Tenderly Touched by the Massively Muscled

For our next AMA, @sandmancircus, @peregr1ne & @sojustifiable (Amanda on Discord) stopped by to chat about their Resbang, Tenderly Touched by the Massively Muscled! Here’s some of what went down:

*Please be advised that this AMA contains spoilers!*

Q:  What inspired the title? :D

Sand: I wanted something touching and relatable.

Q: Which was the hardest scene for you to write, do you think?

Sand: The last battle scene was hard, just coordinating everything and getting it down so it was smooth.

Peregrine: You did so good, it was a whole lot of characters to keep track of.

Q: Artist-chan/kuns, what made you pick the scenes you chose to art for?

Amanda: Ahh, I guess it was just things where the image stuck out and I felt like I needed to see it. With Eruka's tantrum scene, I also thought it would fit well with the style I wanted to use, with lots of swirly swirls and dramatic colors.

Peregrine: Well, for my first I wanted to do like a good intro iconic scene, so their first meeting was a good choice to set the stage and such. For the other two, I just wanted to do cool group shots because I wanted to draw all the characters but not 10 different pictures. Especially the last picture, I just really like drawing like… ‘epic’ scenes.

Q: Sand, what was your writing process like?

Sand: Uh, for this Resbang I mostly wrote in chronological order, which is unusual for me. When I had time, I just sat down and stared at the screen until something came out. I also kept a joke doc for jokes I wanted to use.

Q: Speaking of jokes, can you explain dog farting all the time?

Sand: Farts are funny.

Q: LOL. Do you have any funny/iconic comments that betas or artists left that you want to share?

Sand: Kat kept getting mad every time a penis happened. A bunch of "I’m too ace for this."

Amanda: Same.

Sand: Also the pinching of the clover got a bunch of yells.

Q: What was the inspo behind the pomegranates?

Sand: The pomegranates were just a throwback to the original myth.

Q: How did you come up with Soul's role in your fic? I thought it was really cool and imaginative.

Sand: I thought it would be funny if Soul was a soul, like Dog is a dog.

Q: What inspired so much peen? Cause like, there's much peen.

Peregrine: Sarah thinks dicks are funny.

Sand: I honestly can’t remember why I chose to write him as a nudist. I just think it’s a nice role reversal having the man be hyper sexualized.

Q: Somewhat related: how was it writing the smexies!!! And will we see more smexies????

Sand: The smexies were very hard to write, would not recommend. Will maybe try again in future.

Q: Also, for the artists -- how long did you spend on each piece?

Amanda: The first piece too a long time cuz I used masking fluid and had to wait a long time for different layers to dry to do details. The other pieces I did more quickly just because of the style. The time taken mostly depends on waiting time which there is less of if you do everything wet.

Peregrine: I don't remember how long I spent on my pieces because I break them up a lot? Usually I'll spend a while doing the rough sketch because I'll move things around and erase the whole thing and start over a lot because if it doesn’t feel dynamic super rough, it's not going to look good when I clean it up. That takes a while to plan out I guess, but it’s also the funnest part because I can draw a lot more freely. I'll usually then leave it for a day to see if it's still solid later and then lineart can take anywhere from 3 hours to like a week depending on how frustrating it is, and then I usually colour in a day (by a day I usually mean like 3 or 4 hours because that’s how much time I’m usually able to spend when I have time to draw). But yeah idk, in general pics usually take me like 3 days unless they're group shots, like 2 of these were, because lineart takes forever.

Q: Were there any scenes that came out way differently than you'd initially planned?

Sand: The whole fic changed as I wrote it tbh, which usually happens with me. I have an original idea of what things will be like, and it gradually shifts and alters to become something new, or at least very different.

Q: Has anyone already asked you what inspired this bad boi???? I remember there was an art.

Sand: Yeah I did art for Freeruka a year and a half ago for Freeruka week which was supposed to be for the prompt "myth". The idea just stuck.

Q: Which was your favorite scene?

Sand: My fave scene was probably the one where Eruka got back talked by Free because of her stalking after she went bananas.

Q: Amanda did you have a fave piece between the three?

Amanda: I think Eruka's tantrum scene was my favorite to do and fave as an end product, though that free style of painting in general is really fun.

Sand: That was also the piece that we got to see Free's booty.

Peregrine: It was an interesting challenge for us artists to draw for this fic trying to position the characters so we wouldn’t have to draw a dick.

Sand: Amanda threatened to leave if I described her art as sezual.

Peregrine: But yeah, it was very deliberate for every piece like 'alright how do I draw this scene without Little Free?'

Q: Where did your inspo for Jackson come from???????

Sand: I needed a sassy side character, and he just kinda grew into something super fun to write. And it’s very hard to write a character without arms, so I gave him arms.

Q: How did you come up with the mythos? It was a neat spin. I liked that the positions got filled when someone dies.

Sand: Well, I needed a reason to call Eruka ‘Eruka’ and not ‘Hades,’ so it turned out to be more of a title, which led to "oh, well then could someone else be hades," and it kinda grew and grew from there.

Q: Kinda in love with Maka as new Zeus, not gonna lie.

Sand: That was actually Pere's addition.

Peregrine: I based Maka's outfit off one of the ones from the Wonder Woman movie that’s Zeusy and she was part of Zeus's crew and after Zeus died the position was open so I suggested it to Sarah because I thought it would give some good closure - and also Maka as Zeus would be super badass.

Q: Was there a scene that was really surprisingly easy to write?

Sand: The opening scene was really easy to write, surprisingly. It kinda all just flowed out really well and really easily.

Q: What drew/draws you to Freeruka?

Sand: I love Eruka, I like that she's sassy and that she's a morally grey character and that she's a complete coward, and I love her dynamic with Free. He's this big macho guy who is incredibly loyal and also a bit of a klutz and is a fucking WEREWOLF (heyo!) and they just mesh really well in this weird way that I adore. Witches are cool, wolves are cool, smoosh them together please.

Q: Is there anything you wish you could've done differently?

Sand: I think I would've liked to give them more time to get to know each other before everything goes down - at least a few months, just to make their connection more believable. But time, man.

Q: Pere did you have a favorite piece??

Peregrine: I think I like how the first pic came out the best. It's a nice standalone. But the last battle scene was the funnest to do because I just like drawing action poses and snarls the best.

Q: What are you working on next?

Sand: Nothing so far.

Peregrine: Uhhh Reverb I guess? Right now I'm doing a commission tho.

Q: For Peregrine: Do you feel like you grew in your art skills through this bang? If so, how?

Peregrine: Uhhh not really? I think I grow in my skills by doing experimental pieces but I don't do experimental stuff when it's like for someone else, I do that on my own time. The stuff I did for this was the kind of stuff I just always do.

Q: Doing Resbang next year Sarah????    

Sand: Unfortunately, I probably will be suffering again, yes.

[a chorus of cheers]

---

Thanks to the team for stopping by! More transcripts coming soon!

[thelocalshooter]

The Local Shooter Vs. B-LIFE

(LS) Hello thank you being apart of a great come up and welcome, may we get a small introduction for the people reading who don’t know who you are, where are you from? Who are you? And what do you do?

(B) I'm B-L1FE or B to most. I am an Indiana native but for the last 4 years I've been in the Houston, TX area. I do everything except make beats. I'm a recording artist myself, I engineer, DJ, design, visuals, animations, curate. To add to all that I'm also the CEO of my own record label, FAITH×VICTORY Records. I also am the CEO of three other companies: SupportArt which is a promotion company that also houses a collective, and MeditatedMerch which is my clothing line. There is stuff I'm missing I'm sure but I'm basically the one stop shop for good underground business.

(LS) Being a Texas native how do you feel that the music scene has impacted you and your creativeness?

(B) The scene in the H has never really impacted me much but surround regions have amazingly unique sounds that are almost nice accents to a style like mine that blends hip hop with metal and alt rock. The Dallas FT. Worth area is full of this new wave sound that people like Jah or $not really helped catapult. Then south Florida is known for the wild hype sounds they give us like Pouya. I think these regions influenced me by just kind of telling me hey its ight to let go and just be me. I used to be signed under a different stage name and to be honest it was all bullshit. All the rules and what they wanted me to be. This area in general just let the monster loose I guess you could say.

(LS) You also run a blog on your own called supportart where its a platform for many creative artist in the underground, how did that come about and how long have you been running it?

(B) We are gonna be two years old in June which is unreal. We house 20 artists at the moment including myself. It honestly all started as a group chat of artists trying to put together a collective mixtape. Most people didnt come through but it actually opened a networking portal that led us to our first client who was King Kap who at the time was signed to Quality Control. We continue to work with him to this day and alongside the leaders I make the calls with (Yung N ICy, Fat Daddy J, Psych Ward, Penny the Shabba, Waveon, wa55up, & Kaster) we just had the flood gates opened on us. Alot of trial and error but never once have we been exposed or finessed. We work hard for the underground and have new ways coming soon to showcase hidden talent.

(LS) you seem to be a jack of all trades with graphics, producing, and much more! What do you feel is your strongest creative outlet for you and why?

(B) All the other crafts came from being a recording artist. I think I truly shine there. Away from the art and visuals, I've had some pretty big accomplishments as the rapper B-L1FE. Sometimes I forget to push my own stuff when I'm so busy pushing the underground or my artists. In 2019 I dropped my first and sophomore album which did well. Underviews did an article naming me a young mogul. I made the underground freshman list which was amazing to be with the likes of GNAR, Lord Xan, 916frosty, and more. But if anything compares it's my graphic design. I've been doing design since I was 14 and I'm almost 28 now. I still have every graphic I've done and my portfolio now have close to 6000 pieces. It's the main reason I could leave the day job life behind.

(LS) You also happen to be on all major platforms with a couple single releases, where did you first find your passion for music? Also how did you know that it was going to be a career for you?

(B) My parents didnt really do much parenting but they did raise me around terrific music. I have right now I believe 83 songs on all major platforms which is quite a bit since my contract from the previous record label didnt expire until April of 2018. My parents raised me around Dr. Dre, Bone Thugs, Snoop, Nas, Destinys Child, Master P, and all the greats. So I had this around me so much at 12 I started writing structured songs and didnt even realize it. Football was passion #1 but when I decided to rescend my commitment to Eastern Michigan University, I started toying around with being in a band. After awhile my vocal cords suffered from pure metal music. So I turned to rap which was also like a hobby. Then once I began to network in around 2012 I noticed I had something alot of others didnt. So it was then I knew. The rest was waiting for the contract I signed stupidly to expire. My biggest influences would be Chronic 2001 by Dr. Dre and Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park.

(LS) Your most recent single regurgitate and there’s a single called “Welcome To Hell” which did amazing numbers on Twitter! What was the whole process behind those songs and why did you pick that specific song to shows case the project?

(B) The process behind these two singles were both random to be honest. I put out my second EP back in December and wanted to take my time on my third album so I do what I call SINGLE SZN. I drop a new song on major platforms every week. It started with my first single of 2020 which was 'Never' and 'Welcome to Hell' was the second. With that one it was Angry Orphan's concept (featured artist) and he sent me his parts and a rough idea and I thought since we both are lyrical artists let's do what Em and Royce do when they collab and take these same schemes but change our words and small parts of our flows. It made a very cohesive song. The marketing is always the same for me. I let people know way before something drops that it's coming. The main key is promoting stuff more than once. So many people drop a track, run it through some group chats for that day, and then leave it to die. You gotta keep pushing content towards people. With 'Regurgitate' I hadn't even planned a part of it. I woke up to an email from SupportArt's head engineer, Penny the Shabba, that two beats. One was the beat for that song. Wrote it in 15 mins recorded it mixed it, he mastered it while I did the cover, and within 4 or so hours a full song was ready and off to distrubution.

(LS) What’s a regular day in the life of B-LIFE? Do you wake up in the morning go to the studio? Do you wake up in the morning and start interviewing people and check on your blog? What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

(B) The minute I wake up I need a shower. Cant start the day right without it. My studio and everything is at home so I just go off my daily planner. I keep everything written down including my own personal stuff and I usually pick whatever project I really dont wanna do to start. That way I'm getting through the 'blah' jobs with full energy and the shit I'll enjoy doing I save for later when I'm drained. Usually first thing I do business wise is touch base with my team. We use telegram so we can avoid social media. We a family so they come first. Next is clients. Always touch base with any clients waiting still or people I may have had halfway to the payment phase.

(LS) juggling music, blogs, graphics, and also a clothing brand how do you know when to find time for each creative outlet? Do you set a certain schedule for certain things? Do you have a certain day for certain things how does that work for you?

(B) I wish I knew. Everyday is dedicated to everything. I didnt want to say okay Tuesday we design only covers and logos but sell 5 videos the night before that Tuesday. I ask my clients for deadlines and bundle clients I tell them the timeframes. To be honest my turnaround is so quick and I've done this for so long I do it super fast. Some AMV clients get their video back in an hour with their mind blown. I try not to look at it as such a big work load. Whenever I do feel overwhelmed then its time for like 30 mins on the xbox or a jog. Somehow I never run out of creativity which certainly helps.

(LS) What’s your main goal as far as music? Do you plan on getting signed, are you looking to stay independent? Is music even your full on passion or are you looking to stay more on the blog and manager/artist development side or what is your main goal?

(B) Main goal is to get my label signed how Travis Scott did with Cactus Jack. It keeps the artist safe and in it's own way allows you to stay independent but with proper funding. Music is the main passion. I never say I manage my artists. We push them to build their own brands and we help them with that. I'm simply just keeping a platform all about love. The rest does it's own thing all by itself. Truly amazing.

(LS) Thank you again for being a part of this great come up, is there anything else you would like for the readers to know about you? Or should we keep our eyes peeled for anything to come in 2020? What are some links that you can share were new readers can go ahead and find your work?

(B) You can find everything related to be via my linktree which is linktr.ee/lifewitha1

Album 3's first single drops May 1st and you can already pre order it on Apple Music. Its titled 'Bob Ross' and ensomber produced it. Tune in. Tap in. We out here not just for us but for everybody with the it's always love approach. Just dont get shit twisted haha. You can find me everywhere but soundcloud. Bless up everybody and much love to The Local Shooter. Houston we strong!!

The Local Shooter Vs. B-L1FE

[matts4-blog1]

Artwork #5 - A dead meme

By Anonymous artist

Yes I am literally analyzing a meme. I thought that looking at my several different reviews and delves into topics that have very defined knowledge basis, and people who have spent their entire lives studying and theorizing about specific concepts, I thought it might be a little bit different to add in some research about a knowledge field that is still relatively new. It may seem like a bit of a stretch but these meme’s do encapsulate a large amount of the modern day young society in which we live in today. I decided to choose something that was close to me as well as I thought that way I would be able to relate to it more and then maybe I could more easily find connections between the subjects of knowledge. 

I really have no idea if my research and proper analysis into this picture is going to be deemed as valid, but if the whole idea of the paper was to understand and draw connections to subject matters, I do not see why not the analysis of this meme and whole phenomenon of internet based memes would be invalid. 

Themes and thinking points presented

- Bad craftsmanship

   Now the main thing that is apparent when analyzing this picture is the very bad quality used in every aspect of it (badly cut out monkey, poor resolution quality of emoji, overlapping of text on picture etc.) But believe it or not I feel as if this is a meaningful and purposeful technique used in this piece. The bad craftsmanship is supposed to represent the feelings that alot of the people who look at these pictures (teenagers aged from around 10-21 or so) feel. Due to the process of them growing up and going through changes in their mindset things like puberty, often questions spring up about their futures and their worth to society as they need to start to think about what they are going to do with their life. So the bad craftsmanship I feel is used in order to represent these peoples feelings and when looked at people will probably just laugh because it hasn’t been made completely perfectly. But we can use that to start to think about maybe it reflects that you do not have to perfect to be considered as funny, or interpreted to as people would feel it, you don’t have to be perfect or really super amazing to make it in life. Now this is an uplifting thought and in essence I feel capitulates the true nature of a meme and its purpose in this young society. [1] 

Depression rates in United States young people

   Figure above [1]

As clearly stated in the graph the average level of depression in adolescents  has been increasing and still continues to do so, which is why I feel memes have a very large prevalence in today’s young peoples lives, memes may even be the way to decrease this number further as the themes presented in the meme that we have analysed have been positive things that are trying to reinforce anti depressive thinking points for people. Memes are very prevalent in young peoples lives as well due to this depression level increasing, people wouldn’t want to go do something and would more than likely just try to have a bit of fun and look at some memes that may make them laugh. 

- The forklift

   Now as random as it seems the forklift is put in there as the meme is pulled from a page called forklift memes which is a themed meme page that jumps on different meme trends and puts the forklift swing on it. So essentially this is a sort of inside joke that not everybody would get. This is another thing that I think people find so enjoyable about memes, the fact that they can join in on this private joke and feel a sort of community when they meet like minded people who find it funny. Linking it back to the depression study of kids I feel like there is a chance that they do not feel enough connection with other people or maybe that they are socially outcast but here where they can browse memes and laugh they can find a nice escape from the world that is causing them so much terror and grief. I feel like the forklift displayed in this meme is a very good way to see the sense of community that people feel when they find a meme page that they can either relate to or that they just find funny. 

- The emoji

   The emoji’s located in this picture are used sarcastically to mock the constant overuse of them on social media by people who are regarded as “normies” a normie usually is someone who likes a meme when it becomes overplayed and then they start posting it again, so the people who have already been witnessing the meme over the last while are re-exposed and usually get annoyed. So often people are branded with the term normie completely contrary to that sense of community that I was mentioning before. The emojis could be another reflection of a way that the people who enjoy memes are using to get back at the people who don’t really look at memes. So I theorize that because the nature of alot of memes are related to depressive thoughts and overcoming them the basis of the fan base will be people who are suffering through it, so therefore the people who wont be on the cutting edge of the newest memes will be the people who are not depressed. Now my theory goes that due to the nature of cyber bulling and such new mediums to torment other people, the term and branding of the name normie is a way for people to get back at the people that might have induced this depressive state of mind. Which in my mind and from my own personal experiences I can tell you is mainly true and it does indeed exist in the way I put it.

- The monkey

   Now the monkey as a disclaimer is a “dead meme” as its life cycle has come to an end. To explain the basic stages of the lifecycle of a meme I am going to use an excerpt from a passage I created about the history of them; 

“ Well I have some teaching to give you my friend, there is a difference between an extensional solo meme and a widespread copy pasta phenomenon.  A meme only truly evolves into a meme when shitpost pages start to create some OC about the copy pasta relating back to other themes and such presented by the main topic of the page. For instance we will use the monkey meme. When the meme was at the shitposting stage people started to create OC that could be used for specific pages in such the birth of runescape variations of the monkey meme were birthed. If a meme page has not reached a point of capitulation then they will also jump onto the phenomenon and create the're own relatable thematic versions of the same meme and this is the golden age of a meme. This typically lasts around 1-3 days in this day and age and may be hard to find without the right connections or dealers. After this we start to see the decline of a meme once it reaches the stolen meme pages that’s job is to find developed OC and repost it to people whom believe they are meme sufficient, but in essence are the first wave of normies but are semi tolerable compared to fully fledged normsters. Here the meme gets re exposed for people who have only been seeing these for the last few days and people start to get sick of it. This next stage is the true death when a meme starts to reach true normie distribution channels such as 9-gag and Unilad (mostly unilad on facebook) and then very poor renditions of the original meme get posted and then create an exponentially increasing amount of anger towards the meme. This is why people do not enjoy "dat boi" memes any more (unless its a rebirth which is another phenomenon all together). That is the full cycle of a meme and without the right distribution channels the entire process is very hard to grasp and thus the term normie must be branded on the specific character “

Now when a meme dies it is no longer funny for alot of people and this meme has been dead for a few days but it is still relevant into understanding the fundamental aspects of a meme. A wide spread copy pasta phenomenon is what we see here with a monkeys hair being cut as this meme was put in random places completely out of context for no real reason but just because it was funny. This meme is an example of one of those as the monkey was made to look almost like its being cut by the forklift. So with that I feel like its a good thinking point to start looking into the actual phenomenon that occurs and why so many people find these things funny, which we could further connect to why people think things are funny in the first place. I feel as if people think memes are funny because at this day and age they are just so random that you can’t help but be entertained in an disorientated way, and that people think that other people will find it funny so they share it to a meme page, which means that content sees a larger audience and then the meme grows and grows until people start to get sick of it. This is something unlike I have ever seen before and always fascinates me when someone posts something that is considered as normie as the typical reaction is people getting very angry at each other. But maybe this is all necessary so that the memes move on and we create better and stronger ones in the future, almost like an evolutionary cycle where some things need to die out for the stronger to reign supreme. 

Artwork conclusions

I feel as if this artwork (if you would let me call it one) honestly encapsulates alot of the contemporary issues that take place today within today’s kids. I feel that as well as holding alot of information about us and what our lives are like, its also an emerging knowledge field that hasn’t been researched too much into, which is honestly quite refreshing as it means that there could be a sort of opportunity for me to look into this topic more deeply. But for now hopefully I have touched on some themes and thinking points that I will be able to connect to my other fields of knowledge I have studied in a creative fashion. 

Bibliography 

[1]  National Trends in the Prevalence and Treatment of Depression in Adolescents and Young AdultsRamin Mojtabai, Mark Olfson, Beth HanPediatrics Nov 2016, e20161878; DOI: 10.1542/peds.2016-1878

[10oclockdot]

True/False 2017 Festival Report, part 2:

in which I give capsule reviews of films that I viewed on March 4 and 5, the last two days of this year's True/False, in order of best to worst. Part 1 here.

The War Show (Andreas Dalsgaard, Obaidah Zytoon, 2016) Imagine Five Broken Cameras, but in Syria. Mix in a deeply wise coming-of-age story that tragically spirals into a tale of existential perdition with poetic voice-over to rival The House is Black and ending with the most clear-throated call for piece I've heard in ages. That's The War Show, and that description doesn't do justice to this rich, multi-modal, and severely underappreciated film. It all begins with Obaidah Zytoon, a young woman who liked shooting home movies with her friends (and who became the film's director), playing forbidden music as a DJ on a Syrian radio station. "Going on air was like dancing in a mine field," she recalls. As the anti-Assad protests begin, she films the people marching with her. "I'm doing it to breathe," says a kid named Nawarah. A bevy of catchy chants fill the air with the bracing spirit of revolution. And so we meet her exuberant friends -- Houssam, her lover, Lulu, a friend who removes her hijab for the first time, Hisham, Lulu's boyfriend and a poet, and more. But even as their spirits remain high and the crowds swell, "demonstrations turned into funerals," she tells us. Journalists are targeted, the country's "senses polluted" by the ensuing flow of disinformation. "No one raised in Syria can define freedom," says one of her comrades. Dozens of locals show off scars left by torture at the hands of the Assad regime. The friends take one final trip, and then, out of nowhere, they start to be arrested, kidnapped, houses destroyed, one is even killed, the halcyon opening smashed. As the film goes on and the madness of the conflict spirals ever farther away from believability, I found myself lost -- I didn't know where we were, when we were, or what to believe. Intelligently, the film doesn't attempt an encyclopedic or journalistic account of the conflict -- it would be impossible as yet anyway -- so what we're left with are fragments that we can barely situate or hold onto. Scenes of destruction, of protests and counter-protests between those wanting democracy and those wanting a caliphate, children playing with unsafed rifles, and, of course, an inside look into how a revolution gets co-opted by warlords and arms dealers, each staging some unreality for YouTube to further their financial cause. "There was a place for everyone in the war show," Obaidah explains, "except for the people." Many moments of brilliance follow after this, but it culminates in the very final scene of the film, just as a felt most poetically and tragically lost (which, of course, is the point). After years of prison, a disappeared friend returns unexpectedly, reconciling the lives of the few friends who remain. "Syria as we know it is gone," she intones, but kneels over a clay pot, gathering soil and planting seeds, and she says of the Syrian people, "We will plant the seed of peace around the planet." And there it is: the powerful, beautiful, perfect message of The War Show -- that the Syrian diaspora is, contrary to what every xenophobic isolationist asshole has ever said, the greatest peace movement of the 21st Century. Because the Syrian people, each scarred by the madness of their country's war, will carry the scars of that war their entire lives, scars that will always speak to the necessity of peace, wherever they live and as long as they live. It's an essential message and an essential film.

Brimstone and Glory (Viktor Jakovleski, 2017) I guess that in the back of my mind, I knew that documentary could be pure spectacle -- what, after all, are IMAX documentaries? -- but I never imagined I'd spend fully half of a feature length documentary leaning forward, mouth agape, absolutely in awe of the visceral madness taking place in front of me. Brimstone and Glory is a documentary about fireworks -- specifically the absolutely bonkers annual fireworks festival in Tultepec, Mexico, where half the buildings in town are labeled "Peligro" (they build the fireworks there, year-round), where they erect hundred-foot-high towers of fireworks (castles of fire, they call them) and where they build sculptures of bulls the size of buses and run them through downtown, shooting fireworks off of them into crowds of thrill-seeking and oft-injured spectators. Director Viktor Jakovleski spent went three years in a row, shooting with drone cameras, an arsenal of Go-Pro's, and cinematographers covered head-to-toe in protective gear diving headlong into the middle of the mayhem. Add to that eruptive sound design, sharp editing, and a driving original score co-written by Behn Zeitlin (the guy who directed and wrote the music for Beasts of the Southern Wild), and you've got one of the best adrenaline rushes you can get sitting still in a seat. Best moment: as they're setting up the castles of fire, lightning strikes one of them, setting it alight. Cut to the perspective of a Go-Pro mounted on a man's head whose job it is to rapidly scale the wooden tower without a safety harness and put things in order. Damn.

Manifesto (Julian Rosefeldt, 2017) Extreme close-up, shallow-focus, ultra-slow-motion: a fuse burns across the screen, sending sparks in all directions while Cate Blanchett quotes some delicious gobbledegook from Tristan Tzara's Dada Manifesto, culminating with, "I am neither for nor against and I do not explain because I hate common sense." Thus began a film that refused common sense and did not explain itself. Cut to old women shooting off fireworks over some abandoned Eastern bloc factory or weather station. As a drone camera flies over the tumbledown complex, we find Cate Blanchett, dressed as a shabby character that recalls Denis Lavant's Monsieur Merde, dragging a suitcase through the ruins and quoting Marx. In a flash, the opening credits are a barrage: huge white block letters on a black background, the names of artists and thinkers who wrote manifestos, each on screen for about a third of a second, like a stripped-down Enter the Void. The ensuing 90-minute film follows Blanchett as she dons a dozen different disguises in a dozen different environments -- from a puppet shop to a garbage processing facility to an anechoic chamber, all brilliantly photographed -- and speaks excerpts from a few dozen manifestos from across the last century and a half. To be clear, this is not a documentary. In fact, it began as a 13-channel video installation that editor Bobby Good transformed into a feature. Though most of the audience was probably befuddled and confused about the origin of these words (the film does not caption the quotations), they were generally amused by the absurdity of deterritorializing the tone of the manifesto into more quotidian environments (a highlight: Blanchett as a news anchor conversing with Blanchett as a field reporter in a rainstorm). I enjoyed the handsome cinematography and the Nils Frahm score, but I had the most fun whenever I recognized the origin of the words: Maciunas, Lewitt, Jarmusch, Brakhage, and a few others. As for the words I didn't recognize ("Equal rights for all materials," "One dies as a hero or an idiot, which is the same thing," "Elephants are very big and cars go very fast, but so what?"), I looked a bunch of them up and learned something. A nice provocation of a film. Perfect for screening the last week of a class on avant-garde art history.

Distant Constellation (Shevaun Mizrahi, 2017) A lovely, slow-moving film made of lovely slow-moving and somewhat haunting images. The whole is not greater than the sum of its parts, making it a film that's not especially worth seeking out, but a few of the images will probably stick with me. In Istanbul, languid shots of a building under construction intercut with languider scenes of life in a retirement home. It all seems to take place neither in the past, nor the present, nor the future, but a place disconnected from time, where the overworked young build a future that won't happen while the un-visited old disappear from a past equally unreachable. Two old men ride up and down on an elevator in order to have a private conversation with each other. A very old woman who insists on being known by a pseudonym (Selma) falls asleep in the middle of an interview. One old codger, not without some charm, recounts the sexual exploits of his youth before proposing marriage to the director, saying she'll surely outlive him, which would make the marriage to her advantage. A stopped clock labeled USSR sits next to a working Western one. An old woman complains that now she walks too slowly to make it all the way across the street while the walk sign is on. The rhythms of the modern world aren't kind to everyone, but as tales of the Armenian genocide reveal, perhaps the world was never all that kind. So this constellation drifts on, and fades away.

Still Tomorrow (Fan Jian, 2016) A woman with cerebral palsy living in a remote Chinese village writes a poem that gets shared a million times on Chinese Facebook and scores her a book deal. That sounds like a good hook for a documentary, but the film lacks a clear shape or direction. For the most part, Yu Xiuhua spends the film not charismatically soaking up her newfound fame (though there's a bit of that, and it's really fun), but rather fighting with and divorcing a husband she's never loved. That focus feels strange until you notice that the poetry isn't really the object of investigation here, but rather the abuse which lower-class disabled people suffer in exchange for a caregiver. Sadly, this theme receives scant development. Still, there's plenty of her lovely poetry on display. "Silent wheat in the moonlight / the frictions between them / are the trembling of all the things of the earth." Here the image shows a wheatfield near her home. It's a choice not entirely without grace, but when a documentary's images cannot stand alongside its subject's words, the project falters.

Lindy Lou, Juror #2 (Florent Vassault, 2017) I desperately wanted to like this film. Lindy Lou served on a jury two decades ago that sent a murderer to death row. There's no doubt the man was guilty, but in the intervening years Lindy Lou has come to deeply regret this decision. So she and the documentarian travel around Mississippi tracking down her fellow jurors and finding out whether any of them changed their minds. It's a clear spine with clear motivation and all, but the structure ends up deeply limiting the film, since many of the people she goes to talk to aren't all that interesting people to talk to. The film was at its best when one of the jurors who'd also felt pangs of guilt years later suggests that their ought to be a state-funded counseling service for jurors who have to do such work. In the Q&A after the film, Lindy Lou, who was there in person, suggested that the trauma experienced by jurors on such cases was a bit like the trauma experienced by soldiers -- and she ought to know, she's a veteran herself. But she made the mistake of mentioning the film American Sniper to the fairly liberal crowd at T/F, which drew a couple of muted snarls from people seated near me. And in that moment I realized that even if Lindy Lou's on the right side of the death penalty debate, the Confederate flag flying on her property and her husband's gun enthusiasm (both depicted in the film) put her in such a different world from many of the folks in the audience that effective bipartisan collaboration might be impossible. I rarely learn more from the Q&A than from the film, but that was the case here.

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