#the archons

[heedmywarnings]

Imagine, the Archons✨️

《◇》

Zhongli: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Ei: If?

Venti: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Nahida: Nobody's gonna die right?..... right?

《◇》

Venti: Why are your tongues purple?

Ei: We had dango milk. I had a blue one.

Zhongli: I had a red one.

Venti: oh

Venti:

Venti: OH

Nahida:

Nahida: You drank each other's dango milk?

《◇》

Venti: Everyone, synchronize your watches.

Zhongli: I don’t know how to do that.

Ei: I don’t wear a watch.

Nahida: Time is a construct.

《◇》

Venti: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Venti and Zhongli, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Ei: Our turn, Nahida! One, two, three- vanilla!

Nahida, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

《◇》

I stole this from an incorrect quotes generator hahagahhhahahahhaha

Also no this isn't lore.

[kusanalimains]

New Archon Official art with Nahida!

[mystickingstuff]

I feel like if genshin impact wasn't such a pay to win sort of game I'd actually love to play it, because the lore actually interests me.

[madnesshere]

Raiden Shogun, The Cooking Saga

btw I wrote this with my friend but almost all of it was me

-DAY 1

Xiangling: GREETINGS!!!

Xiangling: WE have gathered here today to try and accomplish an impossible task...

Xiangling: Educate one Raiden Shogun how to make food!

Xiangling: Any food! Preferably something easy that doesn't involve fire

Venti: So like, half the options then

Raiden Shogun: You all need not to worry, Yae has been giving me pointers recently

Furina: You realize that doesn't make it better right?

Furina: What do you at least have an idea of how to cook?

Raiden: ...

Zhongli: How about Osmanthus-

Venti: NO

Xiangling: Alright lets start with... Onigiri! That's simple enough!

Venti: Morax I bet you 10,000 mora that this building will be on fire by the end of this

Zhongli: I shall not participate

(Xiangling brings out the ingredients)

Xiangling: First we need to cook the rice! Ei, would you like to do the honors?

(Pulls out rice cooker)

Raiden: What is that contraption? It looks like technology from Snezhnaya or Fontaine

Xiangling: Naw, its from 2024 but tomato tomato, ANYWAY Raiden would you please?

(Raiden grabs rice and puts it in the rice cooker, then pulls out a firework and match)

Venti: EI WTH?!

Raiden: What? I'm supposed to heat up the rice, am I not? And Miss Naganohara made these fireworks herself so the quality is guaranteed I can assure you

(Xiangling breathes heavily and sighs)

Xiangling: Raiden, there is a reason we have a RICE COOKER

Xiangling: you will not cook rice with those fireworks you will KILL US ALL

Raiden: oh..

(puts away the fireworks)

Xiangling: Alright back to cooking, now while the rice is cooking we have to start getting the filling ready

Xiangling: Venti, Zhongli, this seems like a task for you to help with imma go take a nap

Zhongli: Alright, the first step is to mix together the seagrass and fish

Raiden: Seems simple enough

(actually does a good job)

Venti: Now we add the spices!

(Raiden takes the bottle and shakes, but can't get any flakes out of it)

Raiden: It appears to be stuck...

(Raiden shakes harder, and the whole bottles worth of spice comes out)

(Zhongli and Venti don't see because they are looking for the other ingredients and wrongly assumed that this would be easy for her)

(Raiden mixes it all together)

Venti: Ayyy, how we doin'?

Zhongli: It looks a bit... oranger than in the cookbook but still looks edible

Xiangling: AND IM BACK!

Venti: Xiangling I think the second Cataclysm is upon us, Ei's doing a good job

Xiangling: Excellent! I assume your done with the filling, so now all we need to do is assemble!

(brings out the Nori)

Xiangling: Now for the hard part which is getting- EI WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!

(Raiden was trying to take the freshly cooked rice out of the cooker and put the Nori and filling into a bowl)

Raiden: Was I not supposed to put them together?

Xiangling: I said ASSEMBLE, not MIX

Venit: lol EI I think your deaf

(Raiden pulls out the Musuo no Hitotachi)

Raiden: Choose your last words carefully, Barbatos

Furina: Calm down guys, lets just get back to the teaching aspect of this show

Zhongli: Miss Furina, when did you get here?

Furina: The scriptwriter forgot about me for a bit, but I'm here now

Xiangling: Alright, I agree with Furina, Back to business! Though ig Ei ever turns this into a business then I'm calling the Sangonomiya Samurai and starting another rebellion

Xiangling: First we have to strain the rice of any moisture so it sticks better

(They strain the rice)

Xiangling: Now we need to take half a hand of rice and put filling in it

(Proceeds to put a copious amount of filling atop her rice)

Furina: That seems like a bit too much...

Zhongli: Maybe it helps with the flavor?

Xiangling: Yeah!! that's what I'm talking about! Go big or go home! Now we just need to put another half a hand of rice and stick it to encase the filling inside

Xiangling: And do it slowly and gently

(Raiden makes a bit of a sloppy but still mostly good looking onigiri)

Furina: That looks kinda good actually

Venti: low bar

Xiangling: Alright, last step! Which is putting the Nori on the onigiri!

Xiangling- What you want to do is carefully fold it till it sticks-

(This continues for several hours)

Raiden: ...

Zhongli: I think you need to be gentler

Raiden: Pure strength is all I need

Furina: I'm not sure that's a good answer

Raiden: It worked on Orobashi

Venti: And look how well that turned out for you

Venti: *COUGH tatarigami *COUGH

Raiden: Venti I will wring your neck like the chicken you are

Zhongli: Raiden you can kill him later, finish the task at hand

(finally completes it)

Raiden: At last... my creation is complete

Xianlging: Now for the taste testing, any volunteers?

Furina, Zhongli and Venti: ...

Xianlging: Fair enough, I guess I'll take one for the team-

Furina: WAIT! I have the perfect judge in mind! Monsieur Neuvillette!

Zhongli: Isnt the Iudex in Fontaine?

Furina: Worry not, for I shall summon him with the power of the

Furina: ORATRICE MECHANIQUE D'ANALYSE CARDINAL

Neuvillette: *Crashes through the roof like batman

Chef Mao: MY ROOF

Zhongli: I'll pay

Venti: Brokeass

Zhongli: I stand corrected

Neuvillette: Miss Furina what do you need?

Furina: We need someone to judge this dish

Neuvillette: Thats all? Alright then

(He takes a bite, then promptly collapses on the floor)

Venti: HOW? We didn't put anything weird in it!

(He takes a bit for himself)

Venti: HOLY MOTHER OF ISTAROTH AND EGERIA

Xiangling: Whats wrong?!

Venti: I SWEAR ITS LIKE MURATA LIT A WILDFIRE ON MY TONGUE!

Xiangling: RAIDEN WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Zhongli: ...How much spice did you put in?

Raiden: The whole bottle

Furina: IT SAID HALF A QUARTER!!

Zhongli: wait why did Neuvillette collapse?

Furina: His spice tolerance is that bad

Zhongli: ah

Venti: guzzling water like his life depends on it

Venti: Thats why it was so orange huh

Raiden: I suppose we should start anew

Xiangling: Respectfully, no

Zhongli: I uh, have consultant business to get to

Venti: I need booze

Furina: I need to get the Iudex to a hospital

(All of them practically run out of there except Furina who is staggering under the weight of Neuvillette)

Raiden: Then I suppose I shall head back to Inazuma

(She too, leaves the restaurant)

Xiangling: WAIT YOU GUYS NEED TO PAY FOR THE ROOF!

-THE END

[alegendofsword]

@varunada-lazurite

Shout out to Geo characters fr, gotta be one of my favorite genders redraw of these 2023 sketches

[zillychu]

everyone sh. shutd up im cooking smthn

[cyclic-abelian]

More animation progress

[evercelle]

but the show must go on

[cqtlatte]

purification

[zorofly]

Fire & Ice

[erabu-san]

Oh they r dear to me

[rizukitikastuff]

Mavuika edits for fun

[darwh]

[kittykalliarts]

Never let them guess your next move

The twitter people seemed to really like this one so I might as well drop it here X'D

[dearlavenderbear]

I hope you’ve enjoyed the part you played these five hundred years.

[c6jpg]

"Using immortality to fight death… Using my rules against me…" "Make your choice. Reject your rules, or allow me to trigger the paradox."