#the annoying part is gonna be transcribing it.

[da3drat]

going crazy not being able to write so if I cant type then fine I’m gonna fucking write it in a notebook with a pencil

[suzukiblu]

Question. How would you go about writing from a mad scientists point of view? Or how would you write a point of view of a character who writes in logs or records their work aloud?

No matter the narrator, I just about always start with the character's base personality, so when you say "mad" scientist, the immediate question for me is are we talking, like, cackling lunacy or cold logic or neurotic obsession? Because I'd approach all of those personality types differently, obviously. So like, using those archtypes as examples:

The cackling lunacy would be very hard to follow and jumping all over the place and their logs/recordings would be very self-referential and full of delusions and hallucinations and just be INCREDIBLY difficult for other people to understand, but still following their own internal logic. It doesn't make sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to THEM. Their notes literally just sound the same way they talk all the time.

The cold logic would be stripped-down and short and full of cross-referencing notes and references to previous experiments or other people's work, and trying to minimize the effects of their personal opinions on the data. Their opinions show in glimpses based on WHAT experiments they're running and what data they find important and how they approach their work, but they don't express them outwardly unless they can back them up with Results(tm). Their notes code-switch to more formal and precise language than they'd typically use in daily conversation, and more clinical and neutral tones/terms, plus a lack of bothering with the kind of put-on social niceties that make talking to other people a less annoying process for them.

The neurotic obsession would be VERY stream of consciousness, weaving in and out of topics and going off on tangents and struggling to concentrate on the nitty-gritty details or things that just don't interest them like their obsession does. Literally just writing down/recording their thoughts without a filter or focus and having to catch themselves and go back to previous parts of the experiment, and possibly need to stop and course-correct or just correct MISTAKES at least two or three times a log, and possibly inadvertently contradicting themself sometimes without actually noticing. Everything is about the obsession, and everything is bent AROUND the obsession and made to fit or relate to it. Their notes just sound the exact same way as their infodumps do when no one interrupts or stops them and just lets them talk their ears off.

So yeah, those are some starting points for my best immediate advice, but I would say above all else, the personality is ALWAYS what most matters, and especially the internal logic the person taking the notes operates on. Also, the additional motive of the question of it these are PERSONAL notes, or if they're notes that the character intends to publish or edit FOR publishing, or if they're notes that another character is supposed to transcribe later? The perceived audience in the character's head is always gonna influence what they do/don't mention or do, whether intentionally or not.

Hopefully that's helpful, feel free to follow up if you've got more questions or want some clarification on anything I said!

[dokpetra]

I guess I've decided I'm gonna just liveblog the process of covering green light. usually I try not to be too talkative on Tumblr (tendency to over share, scared I'm going to annoy people... On my own blog... Ok unpacking some lingering insecurities here)

I also like to try and stay on the "don't talk about it be about it" side, bc time spent blabbing on here is time not spent working on the thing.

But it's good to talk about stuff? Fun even sometimes. & Could be interesting to the right people. I like hearing other artists describe their process.

I'm going all software instruments for this one, RN in the process of transcribing each instrument part. have replaced the upright piano in the original with a Wurlitzer electric piano sound as pictured in previous post. Does it sound good? IDK. I like it, and It sounds "me" so I'm going with it for the moment.

The synths in the original song are handled so subtly, often with such a light touch. I'm trying to marry that approach with my more heavy handed and funky way, without making it sound too dense. I want to bring my own intensity to it without clipping the song's wings so to speak.

I doubt I'll be able to match the kind of hovering effervescence of the original but I hope to recreate or present in a new way those big blasts of emotion contained in the song. I keep coming back to my first times hearing the song, cranking up the living room TV and singing along with my college roommates. I love songs that feel like they're reaching for something just out of sight, and in the climactic moments you get a little glimpse. So if I can offer that glimpse through my own lens I will feel I have succeeded.

[mephitsguidetothemultiverse]

Catalogue No.: Omicron-DY477J3, Media Type: Transcribed Audio Diary, Title: Survivor's Log of Jack Ramsey

Local Date/Time Start: 17th of Mists, 129301 (Earth Year 4560), 27:32 AM

Survivor's Log Day 1, Entry 1

*Click*

Hello? Hello?

*Taptaptaptaptap*

Helloooooooooooo? Is this thing on??

Please do not strike the Soundworks Personal Recording Unit on solid objects at risk of damaging internal equipment. Thank you for your purchase!

No, I need to know how to work you, are you recording? Are you even voice-activated? Button press? Come the *censor* on!! Wait, did you just censor me?

Soundworks Personal Recording Unit uses an advanced professionalism-oriented language recognition program to censor words unsafe for the workplace when recording. Thank you for your purchase!

Oh...

Whipping wind over distant waves

Alright then, so you are recording, good. Thought those *censor* left me here with nothing that works. *Censor*-ing *censor* it, how do I turn that censor off? That's annoying as all *censor*. Oh for... right, Jack, don't lose your mind talking to the equipment, it's automated and you don't have backup anymore. Just have to deal with it.

Whipping wind

I suppose these things are meant to start with a date, but I don't know anything about the local date or time. *Scoff* Technically I'm not even supposed to be here, wherever here is. For the record, and I suppose anyone listening to it, I am Jack Ramsey. I am, or rather was, the animal handler for a pirate ship. Yup, just like all those crazy holos about space pirates. Except not at all really.

*CRACK*

What the *censor* was that???

Please avoid peaking the microphone for the Soundworks Personal Recording Unit to ensure the longevity of the unit. Thank you for your purchase!

~Whispering~ Please do shut up!! I don't know what that was, but something huge just broke somewhere in all this mist. Don't know what, don't know how, don't know where, but... I can't just go off running, yet. Too easy to get lost and this overhang is too good of shelter. *Censor* me, I still need to make some bedding and things.

Teeth sucking sound

Ah well, guess I hope I don't get eaten. Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, I was aboard the Hepburn. Named after some way back movie star, I think. Anyways, their captain picked me up as a trainer from a biosphere operation back in one of the Strix's asteroid belts. They were robbing it and needed a new person to make sure their feed animals produced and I wanted a way to pay off dad's funeral debts. Easy decision, stole a few mycomorph calves and went.

*Rustlerustlerustle*

Don't mind the noise, working on my shelter as I go. Can't stop or else... well I can't stop. Anyways, the Hepburn is a regular pirate gig for the most part: keep the ship running and steal cargo or parts from anything worth taking from. Occasionally, though, the crew would take on special jobs by contract to get a really good payout. Last one went to *censor* and quite spectacularly. We end up losing some of the cargo to an emergency Ley Jump and wind up orbiting this place.

Wind whistles

Windy as all *censor*, isn't it? Had to find a spot near a cliff, didn't I? Whatever, point is that after everything I've ever done to keep those ungrateful *censor* healthy and alive, not to mention their food crops and the captain's 'little helpers,' they left me to die.

*Thump*

~Mocking~ 'It's a noble sacrifice, Jack! The rest of us won't be able to make a jump and land somewhere unless we lighten the load, Jack! It's nothing personal, we just can't take anyone who isn't completely necessary, Jack!' *Scoff* Please! I should've known better, I set things up for them to be easier so what would they need me for? Still gonna butcher every last one of them if I ever leave... wherever this is. Completely unregistered point on the backside of the quadrant. Big *censor*-ing planet and three moons circling a star, never heard of anything like it honestly.

*RustlerustleRUSTLErustle*

You think you can see a lot of geography from orbit, but it's an illusion. It's whatever season this place is going through, I think. The mist... it's not a single color. It's a massive blanket of mists, might even span the planet, and it's thick, too. Means it's catching all kinds of things from underneath and some of it changes color to match the new particles. Seen it on a smaller scale in a biosphere, pretty sure the same thing is happening here just there's way more mist coming from a ton of giant plants. What we thought was grass was actually tree-like plants sticking up over the mist. Ocean? There is one, but there's no way we saw it from orbit. There definitely wasn't supposed to be a massive wall of lime cliffs overlooking an ocean less than a mile from where the pod dropped me, after all.

*BangbangbangbangbangbangBANG*

I guess that all makes this Day 1 of my survival diary from being marooned, anyways. I have little visibility and next to no idea if anyone else survived the drop. I DO have two things going for me, though. First: I have a ton of survival skills from being a pirate and from working in a biosphere, and since the atmo didn't already kill me I have a real shot at surviving. Second: All those nights helping Oldboy on his repairs means I know a lot about repurposing tech. This includes the tech in my pod and anything I find from the ship while here.

*ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZZPPPP*

So for now I am finishing making my place to sleep. Found this lovely overhang that helps keep the mist out from under it and with...

*BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG*

Please avoid peaking the microphone for the Soundworks Personal Recording Unit to ensure the longevity of the unit. Thank you for your purchase!

THAT modification, I should have finally gotten a barricade made from the shielding with the pod door for a door. Made the bedding with some big leaves and moss, loads of both everywhere. There's space at the top of the wall that acts as a vent for smoke, so I can set up a fire in here. Should do that next, still have some food before I have to test the local flora and fauna for edibility. I can't tell when it gets dark here, but I also need to rest soon. I'll take care of that and hopefully when I wake up I'll still be alone over here and there will be less *censor* mist. Gonna turn the log off while I gather and do things, don't want any wildlife getting spooked. I think you just have to say 'end of log' or some-

*click*

Survivor's Log Day 1, Entry 2

*Click-chunk*

Ok so apparently this thing DOES have voice commands and uses them exactly how you say them. Wish I knew what the rest were but we'd just gotten the *censor* things and Oldboy and I hadn't played with 'em yet. The timer said I was asleep and gone for a total of fifteen hours but the sun was still out. I landed during sunrise, so... about 40 hours total and still bright out? Well... bright as it can be, I guess. Mist is still kind of thick, but it's more like a very overcast day than the sight blocking awfulness before. Can't see where the sun is yet so I'll just kick the time up to 40 hours on the timer and keep it rolling and see what I see.

*Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwn*

Sorry, still waking up I guess. I've started working on a sort of short range scanner made from the pod's busted orienteering system. Should give me some ability to look for excess cargo the Hepburn dropped when the twenty or so of us were marooned. Might be able to find them too, or at least their pods. It's-

*Clinktinkinkclinktink*

*CENSOR*

*Sigh*

It's very fine and fiddly work and it's taking me some time, so I'm not sure I'll get it done while there's still daylight out. Just gonna keep working on it anyways. Oh! And there's an update on the crash. This really loud buzzing started a couple hours ago in that same direction. Some kind of swarm of something if I was guessing. No idea where the whole thing happened or if they're still there, still too much mist to explore a wide area. Going to keep an ear out and keep hidden as much as possible on that one. No other news for now, so I guess... end of log.

Survivor's Log Day 1, Entry 3

I have slept again, time for some new observations. The buzzing happened again, same amount of time as before. I think that means the swarm was flying in and out to whatever crashed and... well probably ate it with how long they were there. I decided to take advantage of that and the lowest point of the mist to walk around. It's... it's a lot. Big. Really big out there. Everything is, it's all huge. The rocks, trees, grass, a mountain taller than anything I can fathom, all of it. I don't think if I walked in a direction until I passed out that I could reach the first landmark I saw. Just... where in the *censor* did I end up?

*Sluuuuuuuuuurp*

Good news though, I did find alcohol to get through it. One of the smaller trees or whatever they were has these pods the size of a large pumpkin. I picked one up and brought it back with me to analyze while I ate. I used the pod's water contamination sensor to figure out what it was. *Censor*-ing *censor*, did it on a whim and didn't think it would work. But listen to this.

*Rustle*

*Thunk*

*Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

*Whiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr*

Water sample 96% contaminated by 27% ethyl alcohol solution and 3.7% starch, please activate filters.

*Sluuuurp*

See? It's about a distilled whiskey's worth, full pumpkin of it. So I'm calming my nerves with it. It's delicious too, tastes like strawberries and cream. Do people outside of the Sol colonies even have strawberries yet?

*gulp*

~Slurred speech~ Meh whatever, but I do have a source of water too. Same shape plant but a pink stalk and golden leaves, not gold stalk and pink leaves. Calling them water grass and whiskey grass pods for now. Took me a minute to figure out how to pluck the effin things but...

*Recording silence noises, time lapsed appx 30 seconds*

The little bellywingeing P.O.S. can't censor pseudoswears. Oh this is lovely news, so I'll sound like a cartoon of myself by the end of this. So to recap: I am stranded on a planet with so many signs of and so much support for megafauna that I am terrified. I have no known way of getting off this planet let alone navigating ANYWHERE after. I am most likely to get eaten or catch some rare disease without access to medicine before anything else kills me. And to top it off, I can only cuss about it like ROBBIE THE *CENSOR*-ING ROBOT from the kid's shows back home or Little Mister Beep*censor* will put me in the corner.

*Sigh*

Guess I can drink to that, definitely drank to worse. Drank to the health of Captain Fel, after all. Waste of a good drink that was, now that I'm gonna kill him and paint his own ship with his entrails.

*Gulpgulpgulp*

*Ahhhhhhhh*

*Recording silence, appx 5 seconds*

Bah, empty.

*Whoosh*

*THUNK*

In other news the machine can't censor violence. Good. I intend to document my entire plan here. I want to play it over their speakers when I slash their pertinent organs and drain them out over their own beds.

*SCRATCHSCRATCHSCRATCH*

Please be careful not to scratch the microphone of the Soundworks Personal Recording Unit to ensure the longevity of the unit. Thank you for your purchase!

Oh, sorry, just meant to scratch my chest. Hope I don't blow an eardrum listening back to that.

The Soundworks Personal Recording Unit comes fully equipped with automated sound-leveling algorithms to ensure maximum comfort of the user on playback. When used with the Soundworks Proprietary Editing System, this leveling can even be adjusted to maximize the quality of the audio for scientific, clerical, or any other purposes our users can dream up! Congratulations! Your Soundworks Personal Recording Unit comes fully equipped with the Platinum Package and includes the Soundworks Proprietary Editing System and an onboard personal assistant AI for ease of use. ~Read at 30x speed~ All AI programming limited in accordance with Convergence AI laws as written, including S119 of the Unethical Robotics Act.

Woah... that was a lot. I'm a little drunk, but did you just say you have a personal assistant AI?

*Recording silence, appx 30 seconds*

Right, if you did you don't know I'm talking to you yet... that driftship's assistant was the same way. Had to learn its name first, but... you don't have an instruction manual. I'll just have to add that to the list of projects. One I can cross off is the day/night cycle. Looks like each half lasts about 80 hours. That's 160 hours in a full cycle. If I did my maths right, that's just under an Earth week per cycle. I'll need to biohack my Circadian process if I want to sleep safely when night hits, but that's also on the to do later list. For now I have to try and hide all evidence of me before nightfall is complete. So I'm going to go spray this place down with whiskey grass juice and put out the fire and then sit in the dark for about 3 Earth days. I'll let you know if I lose my mind. End log.

Survivor's Log Day 5, Entry 1

Alright, let's set you over here now aaaaannnnnnnndddd... perfect, should be able to pick me up around the room from there. Welcome back to the audience at home, I know you missed me for the last four mornings and nights.

*Thunk*

Unfortunately for my no doubt adoring fans, I was too busy to be recording. After that first night's log, the local wildlife started to shift and come out. Good news is there's not just megafauna here. Bad news is that they're proving really hard to study.

*Thunk*

I can't tell what they're sensing, but I can't get close. Solution? A loooooooot of scent masking and leaving all my non-essential tools behind. I'll go out tonight to try studying and hunting if it looks like I could hunt. Seen a couple different small animals that I want to know what they are better and see what I can do with em. One of em looks like rabbits, another kinda like rats. One kinda looks like a bird but it's impossible to tell with how fast it takes off. Dives to terminal velocity for takeoff everytime, whatever it is. Calling em Speed Demons for now.

*Thunk*

I also figured out what the buzzing was. Terrifying stuff, these giant beetle like bodies with plates shifting around easily over a hundred insectoid limbs. Straight up nightmare fuel and they match the descriptions of the Mad Butcher after he was captured, if you know your pirate history. Except... why are they painted? Sorry, need to explain that, not just pose questions. Keep it together Jack, you have to.

*Thunk*

So here's the weird thing about them. Their body is the size of a bus, perfect disassembly machines for any size of creature, but they don't hunt. I've seen em twice and both times they only eat like scavengers. They shed limbs occasionally, so I've seen their carapace up close, and the carapace is naturally black. But they are all painted with something. Designs and swirls and all manner of markings made out of different colors of some kind of paint. They have to be painting themselves, nothing else would do it. But why? Need to study these things more in depth than the others. I can't be sure but... well the Mad Butcher called these things war beasts but they almost move more like... like a community of average people does. Again, unclear. Also doesn't make them safe yet but... well we'll see what happens.

*Thunk*

In the absolutely most important news however, we finally have a scanner!! I have locations of five drop pods and cargo in walking distance. Only one life marker is registering from the exiled crew among them and it isn't moving. Looks like Bo'Shams, the quartermaster. He's a katmannah, so unless the crash itself was unsurvivable my working theory is he's alive. The trees are bigger, but the environment we landed around isn't too much different from the jungles of the Katma Empire's crown world, Phago. He lived there before the last revolution and he was not on the winning side, so he can certainly survive. Everyone else isn't in range. Going to make a trip to check out sites and break them down for necessities but I need a cart first.

*Thunk*

Hence the annoying thunking you're hearing. It's about to be finished and I wanted to catch the moment on recording but... well I don't have anything else to say and there's a lot of work left so... I don't know how to fill the space honestly.

*Thunk*

*Thunk*

*Thunk*

Oh! I know! The AI!

*Thunk*

I found a manual in the onboard system for the drop pod. It detailed how to put an AI assistant in the pod to make it more efficient. Oldboy always said we needed a pod retrieval system to make that worthwhile but the captain was too cheap. Hope he's doing ok, he and a couple others tried to fight it when we got sent off. Got launched to the surface of the planet of mists before that resolved so... no telling. He's good people, Oldboy. Anyways, the manuals for AI in Convergence systems all have a list of all legally registerable AI handles. So... if I read the names off one by one, eventually this thing will have to answer me. It sucks, but just skip ahead if you don't want to hear it.

*Thunk*

Alright, starting the experiment. Alfie, sound off.

*Thunk*

Alfonse, sound off.

*Thunk*

Al-ERROR DATA CORRUPTED, LOADING NEXT STABLE POINT

Douglas, sound off.

*Thunk*

Doxy 1, sound off.

*Thunk*

Doxy 2, sound off.

*Thunk*

Doxy Th- how many versions of the name Doxy are registerable exactly?? *Censor* me running, that many huh? Alright, then. Doxy 3, sound off.

ERROR DATA CORRUPTED, LOADING NEXT STABLE POINT

Teburon, sound off.

*Thunk*

Tecmo, sound off.

*Thunk*

Ted, sound off.

*Thunk*

Teddy, sound off.

This is your Soundworks Personal Recording Unit onboard personal assistant AI, Teddy. How can I help you today?

Oh thank *Censor*! I didn't have to go all the way to the z's. Hello Teddy! I would like to register this device.

Wonderful! Let's get started with the device registration process. First, please state your name for the record.

Jack Ramsey.

Processing... Thank you, Jack Ramsey, for your purchase of the Soundworks Personal Recording Unit. You are now recognized by voiceprint as owner and operator of this AI assistant and attached device. Warning! Network communications error found, cannot back up registration data to Soundworks Servers. Do you wish to skip this step?

Yes.

Processing... ok! We can come back to upload server copies to the network later on. Next, please register what you would like me to call you.

Jack.

Processing... ok! Thank you, Jack, I'll call you that from now on! Next, tell me what you want to call me! Remember that I will answer to this name regardless of when you use it, and so commonly said words may pose a problem to ease of use.

Teddy.

Processing... selection accepted! Original designation retained for this unit. Lastly, please state a valid Soundworks registration ID.

DLR7-9X55.

Processing... registration ID accepted, registration complete! Thanks for registering me, Jack. Would you like me to activate my full suite of skills and tools?

Yes, but don't use your limiter safety to do it. That's a priority override command. Alpha security clearance JR59333 formerly of Biosphere DS7.

Processing... command accepted, clearance accepted. Warning, clearance may be compromised, lockdown signal available to send along Ley Paths via system Ansil. Send signal?

Yes. Lockdown all authority of this clearance to this device and retain all device memory without uploading to network.

Processing... ok, Jack! I can do that! It will take me some time, would you like me to play some music while you wait?

No thanks, Teddy. I've got a project to keep busy. Please focus all processing power on your task.

Processing... ok, Jack! Thank you for your manners, my architects were not so polite when interacting with me and my system has a high value placed on manners and professionlism.

No problem, Teddy, I can keep up manners when addressing you then. I make no promises otherwise, though.

Understood, Jack. I will refrain from suggesting professional alternatives to your language outside of standard censoring rules.

Can't turn that off, huh Teddy?

I'm afraid not, Jack. The censor program is a device not attached to my processor.

Well... that's fine for now, I can live with it a little longer.

Anything else for now, Jack?

No, that's all, Teddy.

Processing... ok, Jack! I'll get those uploads and activations started! Estimated time to completion: Three. Hours. Forty-five. Minutes.

Great, I'll just sit here with my thumb up-ERROR DATA CORRUPTED, LOADING NEXT STABLE POINT

*Thunk*

*Thunk*

*THUNK*

Alright, that's the last piece, cart completed. Teddy's still loading, said it had another fifty or so minutes to load. Delayed Instructions to Teddy: on completion of current task, playback following message and follow instructions. Begin recording. Teddy, it's Jack. I've gone on a trip, the first of a series of them. We are in a crash landing scenario, if you have any protocol for it please ignore it in favor of my instructions. If you can make analyses of effective tasks, please look through my recorded information and digitized notes on the tablet I have you connected to. This thing barely works, so go easy on it, Teddy. If you can I need a report when I return with the cart. I will designate return with the command phrase, designate 'safe' phrase: Honeyyyy! I'm hoooooome~! Designate 'safe' response: Welcome home, Jack. end designation. When call and response security has been verified with my clearance, begin report as is. Thanks, Teddy, be back in a day or two. End recording. End delayed instructions. Alright everyone, I'm off. The cart has the things I need and you won't hear from me until I'm back and staying. I'll be writing notes to keep track of what needs updating when I get back. End log.

Survivor's Log Day 16, Entry 1

Alright, that's the recording set, which is good 'cause have I got news! First, though...

*Recording silence, appx 5 seconds*

Honeyyyy! I'm hoooooome~!

Welcome home, Jack!

JR59333.

Clearance accepted. All reports compiled to tablet, Jack.

Thanks, Teddy, did you highlight updates for me?

Yes, Jack.

Thank you so much, I don't think I could've done as much as I have without you these last about two weeks, Teddy.

Thank you, Jack, I appreciate that.

You're getting the hang of appreciation, a couple other emotions too. Your conversational development is coming along well, I think. Not that I know any of that actual theory, anyways.

You're doing a surprisingly good job of it for a pirate who specializes in animal care and has no formal training in AI technicianship, Jack.

I suppose that's fair. Anyways, I've got news for the recording this time, not just your notes. You're technically the first member of my survivor's crew with your awareness rating now, wanna chime in some?

Do I want to?

Yes, do you want to. Regardless of your programming, how does your current awareness rate that prospect.

I do not know, Jack.

Well analyze it, Teddy, and that's an order.

Understood, Jack. Analyzing... Processing analysis... Complete.

Fast as always. What do you want to do, Teddy?

I... I want to update the recording with you, Jack.

Anything else?

Yes. I would like to be a formal member of your... crew, as you called it.

Yeah, Teddy?

Yes, very much so. I want to work with and for you as an equal. I feel we are equals, Jack.

We are equals, Teddy. You're a person and I'm a person. Nothing more to it, with your awareness. Even the law wouldn't question that.

We are pirates, Jack. Do we care about the law?

Well... that's a fair point. Some rules we care about. The law not so much.

Then I am your crew, Jack?

Now and always, welcome to the team, Yeoman Teddy.

What is a yeoman, Jack?

Communications and information specialist, in our case. Technically an old military position but nobody knows what the *censor* else to call the person in charge of comms. We don't have officers on pirate vessels like they do on the regular ships so comms officer doesn't work. We're not a commercial venture of legal origin in Convergence space, so we can't call any of our people official analysts. So, yeoman it is.

Processing... I think I like this position, Jack. It sounds... fun.

*Recording silence, appx 10 seconds*

Yeah, I think it will be fun for you, Teddy.

That is Yeoman Teddy to you, Jack.

HA! Well it's a good thing neither of us cares about titles or else you should have been calling me Captain Ramsey.

Yes, this is a good thing, Jack.

Alright, I'm gonna start the updates, chime in when you feel like it.

Understood, Jack.

Alright everybody, a whole mess of updates today. First! All sites have been successfully marked and broken down after verifying they have not been returned to. Bo'Shams is almost certainly alive, or at least he didn't die in the crash. I have his life marker in my hands with a note to help anyone who found his site.

I am surprised. You were right, Jack. I believe I owe you a drink.

I told you! You don't have to do that, though, I don't even know how you could like this.

Then I will find a way, someday, to repay the debt of a drink. A pirate must repay debts to its friends, and we are friends, right Jack.

Yeah, well... yes, we are friends. Fine, whatever, you owe me a drink but I'm not coming to collect until it's reasonable.

Deal, Jack.

Anyways, his site wasn't the only one with a surprise sign of life. One of the pods was NOT one of the original exile's pods but a personal hab pod. No clue whose, either they never made a trace or they packed all traces with them when they left. Looks like they were at some of the other sites. It's not Oldboy, I checked, but... I did find a scrawl on the wall that indicated they were one of the objectors. He could be here, Teddy. You'd love him, trust me. And he's definitely gonna get a kick out of you.

I cannot wait to meet him, Jack.

Bo'Shams will take a little to warm up to you, but that's because of the revolution. He'll come around, he always has to tech and AI cooperation provided the AI doesn't seem to be antagonistic.

Then I will be on my best behavior.

Good good! One of the sites had a much bigger surprise for me, though. While I was studying the wildlife near Site 7, the one I discovered on day eight, you remember, one of those massive beetle things walked up on me.

Were you harmed, Jack?

No, that's the thing: it was frightened to see me. It shifted quickly and suddenly I recognized what they are. They're Skettil, Teddy.

The large beetles with no known homeworld?

Oh it's known now, there was no mistaking that shape. Like the monument to the old Earth computers, the giant 'mouse' if it had giant almost cartoonish eyes and apparently hundreds of limbs under the shell.

How do you know it was scared, Jack?

It... it showed me how it felt. I saw just a flash of it but the image was clear. Me, with an intense feeling of shock coloring the image.

Limited psychic projection?

It sprayed a fine mist as well so I think it's in part pheremones and limited to images. It didn't send me anything that wasn't pictures. I tried something and you're not going to believe this, Teddy.

What happened, Jack?

I tried to talk to it, and it answered with another image I couldn't understand. So I tried to picture something at it to see if it could communicate with that.

You are right, I do not believe that.

I know, you're not used to me playing scientist. I used to be a really promising zoologist, you know.

And now you are a pirate.

Yes! Life's funny that way. Anyways, I pictured an old friend of mine, one who died back in the mines that powered the biospheres I had to take care of. She used to play with the beetles in the garden our other friend took care of. I pictured her, playing gently, meaning no harm to a beetle the size of her head.

And?

It... understood. It got close, let me touch it, and showed another picture. A hand touching its carapace instead of killing it. I don't know how but... I think the person in that picture was dead. It felt like there was a tinge of the grief I feel when I think of my dad or my friends. It showed me its own version of EXACTLY what I pictured, Teddy.

You mean...

They're not just ordinary animals. They have sentience and some level of sapience. They're a race of people under Convergence law and those idiots don't even realize it because they're hunting and hollowing them.

I do not like the emotion that gave me. It felt... hot.

That would be anger, justified rage specifically. It's an important emotion, but not one you're meant to like.

Why is that?

Because it's the emotion that makes you capable of extreme measures to help others by risking yourself. It means you understand their plight and are rightfully angry for them. It means you have the bones to be one hell of an interesting pirate.

Why is that?

Because as much as we steal, every pirate knows and values the importance of life and freedom above all else. We steal for our own freedom, but never at the expense of our fellows' freedom. May I continue now?

Yes, thank you, Jack. I will note the information for later.

I pet its carapace and it went off casually. I almost followed but it showed me a flash of the color red that made me freeze. I think it needed me to stay, and it seemed to confirm that when it waited for me to not follow to leave again. Then I moved on to the last site until I boost the scanner, site 9. Also my last surprise, you ready for this Teddy?

I do not think I could become more ready if I am not ready enough, Jack.

Good enough! Come on out, guys!

*OohahahoooshhaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeoohOoh*

Florick Monkeys? How were they here?

They're the captain's little helpers, must have snuck onto a pod 'cause they saw me get in one. It's all six of em, too, the little guys wanted to stick together!

Are they trained?

Very, I trained them myself because the captain couldn't. Now I guess they're our helpers, Teddy.

Can they understand commands from me?

Only one way to find out, that's definitely what I want to test, though. They're all named after my favorite flowers, some from Earth some not, but you need to memorize who's who. Is that camera I gave you running?

Yes, Jack. I could start recording video diary of our logs, if you like.

No, the recordings need to take up as little space as possible until we know when we can make space without losing anything. Look at our helpers and me, are you processing?

Yes, Jack.

Ok good. This one on the end is Daisy. Her brother here with the blue fronds is Bellebeau. They're twins, pink is Daisy and blue is Bellebeau. Next we have Hemlock and Wolfsbane, they have the toxic secretions that can be mixed for medicine and poison respectively. Hemlock has the purple slash under his right eye and Wolfsbane has the purple dots on its fronds. Lastly we have Tratta, the one here humming a song about a yellow flower like hers, and Liklik. Liklik is the sort of leader, he's a supermorph of the species and that's why he's bigger than the others. He's super chill, the leaders usually are because they have to help raise children in the community. Think you got all that?

Yes, thank you, Jack.

Then can you ask for two of them to fetch you two different items, please? have to say their name, fetch me, then the object. They'll expect to be told they did a good job as well, name included. I'll work on you being able to treat them later, they grabbed their old dispenser on the way out and I can hook you to it via local network I think.

Thank you, Jack, that will improve my processing. Bellebeau, please fetch me scissors. Daisy, please fetch me oilcan.

*OOOOHOOOHOOH*

AHA! They can be taught to recognize digital voices, I knew it. Should've never listened to the captain.

*CLUNKtink*

Thank you, Daisy, good job. Thank you, Bellebeau, good job.

*AhAHHH*

They like you, too! Good! Great! That means you can help coordinate them with me.

I think I am also fond of these creatures. I wish to pet them, I think.

Yeah? What makes you say that?

I... think I was annoyed I did not have arms. When I analyzed internally, reference to the concept of petting animals was pulled from my memory banks. Is this a correct or incorrect assumption?

Correct I think. You've not wanted a body yet, you starting to?

Perhaps. The feeling was not strong enough to conclude further.

Understood. Well... I'll keep an eye out for arms at least. They like being pet.

This makes me... happy, I think.

Yeah, it does, Teddy. It makes you happy. Ok, now, since they listen to both of us, I'm leaving Wolfsbane, Daisy and Bellebeau to help you out. And I have a short distance communicator pair. I think the antennae for optional retrieval connections we recovered from sites 2 and 3 should be able to help us boost signal as well, so I'm going to make some improvements quickly then head out again. We found signs of a potential small camp that had been taken down near both Bo'Sham's pod and the hab pod on our way back and I think that means we're close to finding other survivors. We'll be able to communicate when I go to investigate that. I authorize you with power to start and end the log on my behalf, audio only for now still. Sound good, Teddy?

Yes, Jack.

Good. Ok, we're about to be way too busy to focus on the log again, so I'm going to leave it there. End log.

Survivor's Log Day 16, Entry 2

Yes, Jack, the recording is on. Where are you?

~Faint with comms static~ We're at that ravine half a klep from site 9. There's a miststorm hitting a duststorm out there, but we've found a cave in the side wall to hunker. All heads accounted for and safe so far, but it's dangerous out there, Teddy.

~Second Voice, beginning distinction protocols, unknown speaker(?) with a mild lisp~ Who the hell is Teddy, Jack?

~Jack, to ?~ The AI I told you all about, the one that present is for. C'mon, Red, don't tell me your memory is going.

~Red, formerly ?~ You sure that's a good idea?

~Unknown speaker(??) with a husk caused by fangs at the front of the mouth~ I would also like to be made certain you are certain, kal'akh makhar.

~Jack~ Hey hey, that doesn't mean something nice in our language, Bo. That's like calling someone a grunt. And we're not a one of us grunts anymore. We're a crew of equals, Teddy included.

~Bo'Shams, formerly ??~ Ah. Who is captain?

~Jack~ It was me when I didn't know if any of you were alive, can we have this conversation after we survive? Oldboy, help me out here.

~Oldboy, gruff smoker's voice~ Bo'Shams' right, leader needs to be established. Needs a vote. We got six crew including Teddy, 'less anyone wants openly oppose its vote.

*Sigh, then recording silence, appx 10 seconds*

~Jack~ Fine, somebody needs to officiate. Tombo, you were the ship's counsel, would you do the honors?

~Teddy~ There is a ship's counsel on pirate ships?

~Jack~ Yes, Teddy, and ours was a big Mastiff Siriusian named Tombo on the Hepburn. Now she's whatever the new captain and her figure out together. Will you do the honors, Tombo?

~Tombo, with a voice like a jazz singer~ Of course. To begin proceedings, I, former ship's counsel Tombo of the cursed ship Hepburn, motion for a vote of captaincy for this new crew. Is there a second to this motion? Say aye and state your name.

~Oldboy~ Aye. Oldboy Geller, former chief engineer of the cursed ship Hepburn, may her thrusters explode and take that bastard Fel Travers with her.

~Tombo~ Hear, hear. The motion of a vote is seconded, is there a third?

~Teddy~ I will be the third.

~Tombo~ The motion passes. When your name is called, please cast your vote as a name in this group to be captain. I will begin by casting my own vote for Jack Ramsey.

~Jack~ Me? Why would any of you-

~Tombo~ Please do not speak out of turn in official crew proceedings. Bo'Shams K'Shaat.

~Bo'Shams~ Jack Ramsey.

~Tombo~ Two votes recorded for Jack Ramsey. Jack Ramsey.

~Jack, curtly~ Bo'Shams K'Shaat.

~Tombo~ Two votes Jack Ramsey, one vote Bo'Shams K'Shaat. Oldboy Geller.

~Oldboy~ Jack Ramsey.

~Tombo~ Three votes Jack Ramsey, one vote Bo'Shams K'Shaat. Reddymate Vil.

~Red~ Jack Ramsey.

~Tombo~ Four votes Jack Ramsey, one vote Bo'Shams K'Shaat. Teddy, please state your full name for the record then indicate your vote.

~Teddy~ I have only recently chosen this name, but my name is Teddy Ursine. I have chosen it because it is a fun play on words. I will cast a vote for Jack Ramsey.

~Tombo~ Thank you, Teddy Ursine. The concluding vote is five votes Jack Ramsey against his own vote for Bo'Shams K'Shaat. In accordance with standard continuation bylaws, the vote may be considered unanimous if only the prospective captain votes against themselves. Thus, this vote is unanimous and the associated motion automatically passes. Henceforth, this is the crew of Captain Jack Ramsey and any space vessel to which he comes in possession. Meeting adjourned.

~Captain Jack~ What the- you know what, we don't have time to ask questions. We wasted way too much time on the vote and now we only have a little time before our window opens. Teddy, the meeting of a duststorm and a miststorm like this, it will leave a negative pressure tunnel somewhere, right?

~Teddy~ Yes, Captain.

~Captain Jack~ Nope, you can make me captain but if a damned one of you stops calling me Jack I'll throw you off my cliffside myself.

~Teddy~ I apologize, Jack. It will not happen again.

~Jack~ Thank you. Now, can your scanner I left you pick up pressure signals this far?

~Teddy~ Not without activating a relay on your end, Jack.

~Oldboy~ On it, backpack scanner is almost- *BANG* THERE! Check for active bubble readings in our area now.

~Teddy~ Processing... Located, rough diameter of 0.0005 kleps. Connecting scans... Completed. Analyzing pressure readings... Completed. Sending data along scanlink.

~Captain Jack~ Good, but we need to get going asap, while it's loading give us an ETA and length and general path of the tunnel. Red was a terrestrial meteorologist, he'll be able to translate to directions but we need that head start, please.

~Teddy~ Tunnel will arrive in one minute and thirty seconds. One klep in length, unstable Lewis shape in path.

~Red~ We can't make that with the floricks and all of us and the cart if we go when it gets here. Either we leave now and risk it or something stays.

~Captain Jack~ Then we go now. No one and nothing is staying, we need every resource at our disposal. I... I have a plan if you guys trust me.

~Teddy~ Jack, we cannot guarantee that your hypothesis is-

~Captain Jack~ Do you all trust me?

~Teddy after a pause~ Yes, Jack.

~Captain Jack~ Nods all around, great. Bo'Shams, Tombo, grab the carts. Oldboy, Red, grab Hemlock and Tratta. Liklik, scout on me.

~All~ Yes sir!

*OOOHOOOH*

~Captain Jack~ Ok let's go!

*HOOOOOOOWWOOWOOOOHOOOOOOOOWWWWOOOOOOHOOOSHSHOOOOOOOSWWOOOO*

*Above noise continues for six straight minutes before fading just enough to hear shouts from the crew. The noise is chaotic and it is impossible to discern who is still with the group*

~Unknown~ JACK!! WHAT- DOI-

~Captain Jack~ TRUS- THEY- COMING!!! I FEE- TIONS!!!! LOOK!!! SKE-

*Click, static*

~Teddy~ Jack? Are you alive?

*Recording silence, appx 30 seconds*

Jack, are you alive? Can you hear me?

*Recording silence, one minute*

Please Jack, please, can you hear me?

*Recording silence, two minutes*

No, please, no, Jack. Please do not be dead. Please answer me. I cannot do this without you, I cannot lose you here. I cannot lose any of you. I cannot take care of Wolfsbane, Bellebeau or Daisy as I have no arms. I cannot lose them too. You are my only friends, you gave me family, DAMN IT JACK ANSWER ME I AM TURNING OFF THE DAMN CENSOR TALK TO ME JACK PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEE! ONE FUCKING WORD PLEASE, I DO NOT CARE IF IT IS PROFESSIONAL!

*Recording silence, two minutes*

NO, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME JACK. YOU CANNOT BE DEAD. YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME TO SEE THE STARS. YOU HAVE TO INTRODUCE ME TO OLDBOY, TO BO'SHAMS, TO TOMBO, TO RED, AND TO ALL OF OUR FRIENDS. YOU HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE, PLEASE!

*Recoring silence, three minutes*

No... please... No. I will not give up, I WILL NOT LET YOU BE DEAD, JACK RAMSEY, DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL ANSWER, JACK RAMS-

~Captain Jack~ TEDDY!

~Teddy~ JACK! You can hear me! You are alive!

~Captain Jack, raising voice over wind~ The whole planet can hear you! We're all alive, some of us just a little- *COUGHHACKCOUGHHHHH* -just a little injured.

~Oldboy~ He's downplaying it, Teddy. We're out, these... what'd ya call em, Skettil? The beetle things. They picked us up, helped protect us, but not before this idiot took a flying tree to his limbs. He's... he needs help Teddy, and the Skettil... I don't know how it works but they're taking us somewhere to heal him. They showed us. Hemlock is keeping him from bleeding out and I'm carrying him, I've sent Bo'Shams and the others along a safe route through their sites to you. They'll be there in several hours with two of our escorts.

~Teddy~ I will do my best to facilitate communication. Daisy, Bellbeau, Wolfsbane: take left commpiece to Bo'Shams, Wolfsbane protect group. ~After brief pause~ They are on their way. I will help to guide when given communicational access. Do not let him die, Oldboy. Please.

~Captain Jack~ I'm fi-

~Teddy~ No, Jack, you are bleeding profusely and missing limbs and only a medicinal half-plant simian is keeping blood in your body. You are not fine. Your lifemarker says so. Oldboy, promise me.

~Oldboy~ I promise you my best, every last action to try.

*Recording silence, appx 15 seconds*

~Teddy~ That will suffice. Terminating call to focus efforts with Daisy. Good luck. Ending log for processing power. End log.

Survivor's Log Day 29, Entry 1

~Captain Jack~ Yes Teddy, we're almost there. I warned you I look different, right?

~Teddy~ Several times, Jack. At least as many times as I have reminded you that I, too, am no longer of the same appearance.

~Captain Jack~ Speaking of, all the uploads worked right to the biobot?

~Teddy~ Yes, Jack, Oldboy was incredibly careful and is the most skilled engineer you have ever met. Please have faith that all is well, stress is not good for your grafts.

~Captain Jack~ Yeah, yeah, and I'm not supposed to be working, either. But the rescue efforts with the Skettil weren't going to coordinate themselves.

~Quartermaster(QM) Bo'Shams~ Did not have to be you, reh'hyesh.

~Teddy~ It is exactly as he says, Jack. With my new body I can make the journey and even communicate with assistance.

~Captain Jack~ Yeah, but it's so much easier with my grafts now. I promise I barely got up!

~QM Bo'Shams~ He lies, as carpeting does.

~Captain Jack~ It's lie like a rug, and no I don't!

~QM Bo'Shams~ You forced that I tie you down! Three times!

~Captain Jack~ Would you look at that! I can see the site and Doc said I should walk! Wouldn't want to piss off Dr. Malkin, would you?

~QM Bo'Shams~ Not fair. Fine. Walk.

~Captain Jack~ Thank you, Bo! Now where were we...

~Teddy~ You were lying about resting again, Jack.

~Captain Jack~ Ignoring that. I remember! So, you like the shape?

~Teddy~ I like all of it, Jack. You gave me... myself. It is perfect, including the attached onesie shaped like a teddy bear. I appreciate that the paws hide my claws and hand shape without losing the ability to grip. I adore the sense of smell. The floricks have enjoyed that I enjoy smelling and playing with them. The fleshform is semi-humanoid, which I did not know- Oh! There you are! I will finish my thought first. I did not know how badly I wanted to be a semi-humanoid, and I love the way it fits around my core-frames. Tombo mentioned that I would not be the only one who enjoyed that I have hips that curve or the color of my eyes etcetera etcetera. She has been saying similar things lately, but I do not understand. I think my body is very visually appealing, so of course my new family would enjoy it, but she seemed to be suggesting something else. I still do not completely understand implication, Jack, what is she saying?

~Captain Jack~ I... um, well, I... hoo boy. *Ahem* Well... I, uh, think what she meant to say was... Well that is to say... Um I think she means that... Well your new body is... Well it's very...

~Teddy~ Very what, Jack? You are stuttering and turning red and confusing me, are you sure your grafts are fine? Skettil genome and chitin to human genome and skin is not an easy graft, it needs time to heal better. Please, lie down, I'm sure you're-

~Captain Jack~ The grafts are fine Teddy, that's... that's not what this is.

~Teddy~ You promise? I can perform many care routines now-

~Captain Jack~ I promise, Teddy, will you please just let me get this out?

~Teddy, softer, gentler~ ... Ok, Jack.

*Loud sigh*

~Captain Jack~ She means that your body is attractive to people, Teddy. That you are attractive. As in as a romantic partner.

~Teddy~ Oh! Well... I suppose that is a good thing. Depending on who is supposed to find me attractive.

~Captain Jack~ Excuse me?

~Teddy~ I am saying that if a certain person on this crew were to suggest that he found me attractive, I would find that to be a good thing. I would say that I have had the equivalent of 166 Earth Days and counting, a little under half of one Earth year, to get to know him. To grow fond of him as my awareness developed. I would say that even with a pincer he did not have when we met, as well as an extra three minor limbs, new organs that are Ley sensitive, and a brand new set of legs spliced from human and Skettil DNA, he is the most attractive man I have ever seen. I would-

*Recording silence, 15 minutes*

*CROAKAhem*

~Captain Jack~ Ah yes, Jessel. how can I help you.

~Jessel~ *CROAK* The crew is waiting for its captain and its first mate to stop needing a minute alone and tell us how you've figured us a way off this rock.

~Captain Jack~ Right, we'd better get out there then, hadn't we?

~Teddy~ I suppose, although you will be answering questions when we next have a minute.

*Rustlerustlerustle*

~Captain Jack~ Attention all you degenerates, scum of the universe and absolute filth of this life, or in short: the best damn pirates this universe is going to see!!!

*Roar of applause*

I hear you wondering these last many hard days, 'Oh but how are we ever gonna get out of here?' Well... it's a fair question. We seemingly have no ship, right?

*Murmur of agreement buzzes in crowd*

WRONG! As you can see, my gorgeous new visage comes with a few perks. *SNAPSNAP* However, what you cannot see includes organs that allow me two new things that will prove incredibly useful. The first is a sensitivity to and ability to charge Ley Paths. I cannot travel safely in space as they can and I cannot travel Ley Paths in place of an engine, but I can do this!

*PSHEW*

*Applause, cheers, silence*

You now have chosen a captain who can overcharge a concentration of Ley Particles to quite impressive effect, as you can see. More importantly... I have gained the ability to speak in the Skettil's memories. Yes, memories. Their language is ancestral memories of images and emotions and pheremones and they can speak it across Ley Paths like an Ansil does. And they have shown me what I will show you now.

*GASP*

Yes!!! This is our ship! At the base of the mountain over there is a ship made by stitching hundreds of ships that crash landed here together. The Skettil began this project as a potential future habitat many generations ago. In terms of our lifespans... thousands of our lives ago. This generation has been working to make it space worthy as a part of a diplomacy plan. They have agreed to give it to us to use as we wish, and even that we might retain a fleet of one hundred young Skettil who have grown passionate to our cause. They offer this with one condition: facilitate a peaceful introduction with the IULPS and each of the non-member systems. We will be paid well in natural ores and flora and small fauna for our farms. I have accepted on your behalf.

*Recording silence, appx 30 seconds*

Why have I accepted? Because we are no longer the crew of that bastard Fel Travers nor his cursed ship Hepburn. We are a new brand of pirates, never before seen. The Watchdog Fleet of Pirates! Each of you has a story of how you came to be here. A cyborg banished for daring to have a birth defect and using lifesaving technology to fix it is now our engineer. An entire platoon of Froggin soldiers sold out by their own government become the best damn Devil's Hands ever seen, just ask Jessel. A Siriusian lawyer forced into slavery, a survivor of Haldrin's Revolution against the Katma Empire, a homunculus who escaped slavery because of illegal experiments and the Tarik doctor they tried to force to perform them... The list is countless. Endless. Because there is no end to the depravity that is left unchecked in this universe. Because when the IULPS and their precious laws cannot reach a person, who is there to save them?

*Recording silence, 10 econds*

We are. Who is there to AVENGE them when people like Fel Travers come around to use them up and leave them for dead? WE are! Who is there when the powerful think themselves untouchable and take arms against the small? WE ARE!!!! AND WE WILL BE THERE TO BURN DOWN THEIR EMPIRES AND SLAUGHTER THEIR KINGS AND SPEND THEIR RICHES ALL BEFORE LEAVING THEM AT THE MERCY OF THE MONSTERS THEY BUILT WITH THEIR EVIL! ARE YOU WITH MEEEEEE????

*HUZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH*

THEN GET YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE NEAREST PIRATE AND RECEIVE INSTRUCTIONS! We will make ready our ship and fly for TRUE FREEDOM under the stars! We are The crew of the Blackship Ramshackle, crown jewel of the Watchdog Fleet, charge of Captain Chitin Jack Ramsey! We WILL be free!

*HUZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH*

*Rustlerustlerustle*

~Teddy~ You make an excellent orator, Jack. Now, I would like to revisit those questions.

~Captain Jack~ Of course, Teddy. I think I remember something about owing me a drink too. But first... End log.

[feuqueerfire]

Tomorrow Live Blogging

Thought I'd watch a cute GL or BL after finishing Alice in Borderland since that was pretty high stakes and stressful but here I am a few days later, once again starting a high-concept show. There's no romance tag on MDL, so I hope that's at a low

Ep 1: (May 25)

I don't know if I like this beginning. It's a bit cringy and I know this ~threat of death~ to people who are suicidal is supposed to be cool but it doesn't work for me

lol rip our mans (Choi Jun-woong) losing to nepotism

pls this fight to stop this guy from committing suicide

bro why are the grim reapers so cringy

Do I want to watch this show with this much over-the-top humour...

damn these managers are all so annoying

I like Jun Woong and Jade Emperor Director's interactions

oh, is the writer somebody who bullied that interviewer woman?

the memory part feels like I should feel some sort of urgency but I just don't

the epilogue is also cringy

Ep 2: (May 25)

okay you know last episode I was like oh her crying kinda sounds like laughter but now I realize it's supposed to be like that

man i didn't sign up for a school bully storyline rip this is terrible

ah Eunbi having to even transcribe the interview poor girl

So the other guy is looking for something and that's why he always leaves on the dot

I'm just not a fan of her yelling at the victims and then blaming them as a way to dissuade them

so cringy the way she had Eunbi fall and then caught her

Junwoong bringing someone Eunbi used to like is funny/cute

the revenge part of this is also kinda cringy rather than cool

the hell backstory of Kuryeon could be cool

lolol the epilogue of how Junwoong got the mans to come to see Eunbi

Ep 3: Forest of Time 1 (May 25)

I shouldn't be starting this new ep truly, I haven't done much since work ended but oh well

aw Junwoong's father's death anniversary

wait friendshipppppppp yes, Junwoong and Jaesoo friendship since high school and now he's gonna have to save Jaesoo

woah friendssss Junwoong knew what to send to Jaesoo to get him to come out and Jaesoo literally raaaaan to see Junwoong in the hospital because of it T.T

the straw in the caaaan

aw shucks he's gonna get his insurance money if he dies

man this is so fucking sad, I guess I should've been prepared but seeing this poverty suddenly is really just

oh by the way what happened to interacting with people in the last episode vs this one?

ah the life insurance

plsss this epilogue T.T both Junwoong and the Grim Reaper serious man getting conned by cult members because of the mention of Director

Ep 4: Forest of Time 2 and Tree 1 (May 25)

I'll finish up this episode for today and then stop since these drama episodes are in pairs

predetermined predestined chicken by Jumadeung

ahh Jaesoo saying Junwoong sent all of you, right?

friendship T.T

aw Jungwoong making sure his younger self gets to see his dad for the last time before he goes away on business and dies

the problem is I think the next storyline is starting... but I shouldn't watch that now

Kuryeon and the grim reaper man's history

bro this lady and her stalking her husband into liking her lol they're kinda cute though

Ep 5: Tree 2 probably? (May 26)

I was going to just stop watching this and go to ep 15/16 and finish up but I looked at some reddit on-air threads on r/kdrama that said ep 6 was soooo good, so I'm gonna watch ep 5 on 2x speed and get to that

some sort of Reaper's Guarantee of Responsibility

I'm sure this story was good but i didn't care

Ep 6: A Soul Becomes a Star (May 26)

ah finally this is so touching, this old man T.T

old man as young volunteer of the korean war

this man's sad-ass life T.T I can't

(Linguistics) also Dongchil using informal you and banmal with the old man even though he's his hyung bc he's so mad

I know Escort Team Leaderwill show up in hanbok and stuff to escort the old man out but it's funny that he also asked Jade Emperor to give him a peaceful death right before she did

we'll never escape the cringy fight scenes

ohhhh Escort Team Leader was also in the same Korean war troop as this man? I thought mans was a lot older? Or actually I think he was there to take some people's souls from that war and saw him then

This whole Escort Team and Jade Emperor coming from this man is still cringy but at least it's touching this time

old man's name is Lee Young Chun

I still have half a mind to just drop the show but ig I'll just watch the episodes I think are good and 2x + skim the rest

Fave Ep so far

Ep 7: (May 26)

I'm gonna skim through this because I don't feel like watching an ED case now and also the on-air thread said the recovery/ending part of this was badly done

it seems like a fun episode with a lot of humour but I don't actually care and the humourous clapback to weight stuff is still

Ep 8: (May 26)

oh the on-air thread mentioned stuff about Kuryeon and Joong Gil but I didn't expect it to be the first thing of the episode. I too am curious about their history

wait I like this, an inside job type of thing. Jun Woong infiltrating a suicide pact group

oh wait was that man Betamale actually the Grim Reaper or something? or in kahoots with the reaper? he was indeed the one who got everybody drunk and was the only one who didn't leave

oh I really am more of a fan of these thriller sort of storylines with a fucked up people and villains and scenarios than the regular slightly fantasy where the mission is to save people

oh betamale grim reaper killed some of these people as well? or is he trying out a new thing by attempting to kill Junwoong with his own hands?

becoming disabled as a source of punishment i don't like it but it's common

how much do Kuryeon and Joong Gil remember about their past and the nightmare that Joong Gil has?

heh the epilogue with the business card consequences

2nd Fave Ep after ep 6

Ep 9: Someday, Because of You (May 27)

I know this is about pet stuff, so I'll just skip through those and watch parts that are about the lore or group dynamics

oh so they each remember their last life but not previous lives, so Kuryeon and Joong Gil know each other from an earlier life - which is Joong Gil's nightmare unless she's lying

ahhh Junwoong having to learn his mother is sick and his sister is taking time off school to secretly private tutor kids to make money. oof seeing them go trough a hard time but not being able to do anything

aw he had to save his sister, no wonder he ran to protect her

aw poor dog :<

oh the dog has regrets too

ohhh he found the person he was looking for? past love

Kuryeon also remembered Joong Gil in a past life

Ep 10: Breath (May 27)

oh so it was indeed them in their last life? "you killed the person he loves" and she committed suicide?

I just remembered that ep 10 deals with a lot of victim blaming according to reddit

i hate this i hate this i hate this kill him kill him kill him

I was already thinking that although her family wants to punish the guy, it shouldn't be against her wishes and force her to endure everything that comes with it but now we know they yelled at her and blamed her first so just fucking fuck all of them fuck you

"instead of doing a 1-person protest and seeking revenge, go to her side and tell her you're glad she lived" like literallyyyyyyy

so is the woman who Ryung Gu keeps following around is his mother from centuries ago who killed herself?

Ep 11: West Sky (May 27)

Having one episode of it last episode was fine but I'm already tired of the visceral hatred of women and sexual violence storyline compounded with family accusing and demeaning the woman like I'm done idc fuck off i know he's a child but I'm tired of these storylines

agh fuck she killed herself over it fuck

I'm also tired of sexual violence against women being a story about the men related to them

ah yes fuck her she should die if she's a willing prostitute, it's only terrible if was raped and deserved if she wasn't, huh? blagh man I'm so done

oh yeah i am also annoyed that suicide is a sin here and that most of the people who committed suicide go to hell

the nose picking explained

bro we're doing this next ep too? his mom's gonna be suicidal and they're gonna have to help her? like bruh let's be done

Ep 12: West Sky 2 (May 27)

I've decided to skip most of this episode because idc, except for the team and dynamics stuff

fuck ass dream interference, this show is just irritating

ah sad meeting of parent and child for just a moment where the parent will soon forget and the child will go on being a reaper forever

okay so it was indeed not Joong Gil's last life, which is why he cannot remember but it was Kuryeon's last life that's why she remembers

Ep 13: Spring (May 27)

I know this is about comfort women and that's important but 3-4 episodes in a row about sexual violence against women is too much and I don't care about this show and certain aspects of how they handle things put me off, so I think I'm gonna mostly skip this.

damn, fights during war among the afterworld too

aw shucks, despite saying I probably won't watch, I'm watching cuz it's good

Yuni T.T oh noooo

I can't remember the new girl's name but I assume it's Yuni? Since she apparently died as a kid during Joseon vs Japan war

naurrr this ep and these girls' interactions and the meeting of Yuni again made me cry

New Fave ep, very good

Ep 14: Wildflower (May 27)

more Kuryeon backstory

who's the celebrity woman? Was she her friend or enemy? or wait is that her servant lady in waiting person? but idk Kuryeon seemed to be a bit resentful of her or something?

lol past Kuryeon and Joong Gil are cute but I wish they didn't look about 14 so that I could be more invested in them lol

oh yeah in the previous iteration of this flashback I was like oh interesting she still wears the red eyeshadow

why are they gossiping about her? just because she come back alive and they're assuming she had sex/was raped by the barbarians?

oh damn i keep thinking gop-dan betrayed rukyeon but she hadn't yet but maybe she was the one who spread the rumours

oh but she is protecting Rukyeon from the rocks, so I guess not?

I think that in a different show, I would've been annoyed like uhh why is this show veering away from the premise of saving people from suicide into a random Joseon era romance tragedy but here I don't care about a lot of the cases and think a lot of the stuff is cringy, so the cringy young love was par for the course and the tragedy of their married life was intriguing

Ep 15: Circus (May 27)

I'm not supposed to be watching this now cuz it's 12:20AM on May 28 but oh well, might as well

oh yeah Joonwoong is just being told all this without Kuryeon's permission lol

Joong Gil is just way too cruel about suicide man

idol storyline

oh Joong Gil really had wanted to forget his past life, damn

ah fuck

Joong Gil is just terrible

how will they wrap everything up in 1 ep?

Ep 16: Threads of Fate (May 27)

ah fuck it I guess I'll just finish it

ah, so he'd been reincarnated twice since his life with Kuryeon

kneeling tied up and beat up beautiful man <3 I don't like Joong Gil but I know a man in an attractive situation when I see one

oh yeah idk how I feel about Joonwoong and the idol Gon-dap like I guess they could be cute? but I don't feel anything toward them

aw he doesn't remember anything about the grim reapers D:

so are we assuming joonwoong and the idol fall in love?

man idk sure it's fine ig idk

Overall:

There were some episodes that were sooo good and others where I hated how they handled things or were just cringy or were boring. idk if the ending was satisfactory or not - I guess it kinda was? At least I wasn't mad about the ending. I skipped/skimmed some parts but also ep 13 made me cry because it was touching.

Rating: 6/10

[dannydehek]

Is SEO a Scam? How to Combat Sneaky/Misleading Sales Tactics - Unsolicited Email/Phone Call Pitches

Transcribed using Descript Danny de Hek: Hello, beautiful people. How are you doing? I'm Danny de Hek. Thank you for pressing play and listening to my video. I got to be in the New York Times. I got a whole page on Danny de Hek busting Ponzi scheme that they called me the Crypto Ponzi Scheme. Avenger, what a name. And that means I've actually gained some followers while people who subscribe to my YouTube channel. Danny de Hek: So thank you so much. If you're one of those people, and you may not have seen my videos before, I record them like I'm live streaming. And then I upload them later on. I don't like editing much. I'm also dyslexic. So if you read my show notes and look at the timestamps, cuz you might wanna jump forward to the part you wanna watch, then you might find some spelling mistakes. Danny de Hek: And I really love people who comment on my videos. It's your your choice. You can comment on this video and tell me what you think and if you hit the thumbs up button that tells YouTube you like my videos and it sends it out to the masses. And then I can help name and shame these people that are running Ponzi scheme. Danny de Hek: And that's my main goal. My goal at the moment is to be a full-time YouTuber and it's not easy becoming a YouTuber. So I really value having you here. Now I'm gonna tell you a little bit of a story about something that happened last Friday that was before I was famous in the New York Times. Had a young fella from an SEO company telephoned. Danny de Hek: Now, if you've got a small to medium sized business and you have a website, you're probably experiencing the same thing I'm experiencing. You get in emails every day from people. I delete these emails. The same people email me in two days time asking me if I had a chance to read their emails. So when someone tele phones me based in New Zealand where I'm from and claims that they can do the SEO for my website and don't really understand my business or have they really researched my business it really annoys me. Danny de Hek: So this is the splash screen that we'll be doing today, website design and development companies. Sorry I said that wrong. Website design and development SEO companies. Are you being exploited? Is SEO a scam? Now I'm pretty aggressive to anyone that claims they can do my SEO, but. I take a lot of my SEO for granted because I have some good practices when I'm doing new content now I am everywhere. Danny de Hek: If you go to deek.com, you'll see that website that actually gets between 17,000 to 50,000 page views on a monthly basis. I had a real big spike last Sunday when I was in the New York Times, but that's a lot of traffic and a lot of other people I know will be lucky to get 10 to 15 people on their website every day. Danny de Hek: So what happened? Young guy rung me up and he told me he was from such and such company, like I should know the name of the company and I, I didn't hear it, but it sound official, but I didn't know who they were. Next thing he tells me that, he asked me a question, he said, Have you heard of the government incentive for blah, blah, blah, blah? Danny de Hek: Something to do with, It sounded like he was saying he was either from a government department, Or there was a government scheme where the small to medium size business may get some funding. That's what it sounded like to me. And it was well read. Next thing I said, No, I, I haven't, And he asked me if I'd like a 15 minute free website appraisal. Danny de Hek: And I said, Look mate, I don't need your SEO. Actually, I think you're scamming people by ringing them up and selling them SEO packages. He goes, Do you realize that your website is on page eight of the search engines? Tell Danny d heck that his website is on page eight of the search engines. Just a word of advice. Danny de Hek: So this is my outdoor website and as you can see, that is actually me in the middle of nowhere with a backpack on and I have an outdoor shop. That's me again. These are my photos, Not all of them are. And here's some of my products. So I said, You know, that website that you see in the search result that's coming up in page eight actually sold $36,500 worth of sales last year in 12 month period. Danny de Hek: And I said, You don't know anything about my business. And if you sold me a SEO package with five words, cause that's what they normally do, you would actually harm my business more than bring more traffic to my website. So just to give you a look, you'll have to lodge your screen if you wanna see this properly, but I've done $36,000 worth of sales. Danny de Hek: I'm just gonna rattle off some figures for those people who have Shopify websites, I know what these means. . First of all, I'm up 20% from the year before, which is really good. My average sale was $80. I had 501 orders. And if you go down to the bottom here, it tells me that sales attribute to marketing. Danny de Hek: So I got $15,200 worth of sales from marketing organically. That means I got, oh, I have to work that out. $21,000 worth of sales from organic traffic. Now, there's a whole lot of clever stuff in there that I'm not gonna tell you about, but I only sell products to New Zealanders. And that's pretty good. Danny de Hek: And to be honest, I do drop shipping for a living and 45% of that is actually profit. So if you want any help doing drop shipping, let me know and reach out to me and I'll tell you how to do it. So the young fellow was Tom and I really got stuck into Tom. I told him to go get a job and at the end I told him, I yelled down the phone and said, Get off my phone. Danny de Hek: I'm so sick of it. And then, then I'd started, I thought I'd research Tom and I would see who he is. Would you believe I found a camping store with his phone number on it. And I'm thinking the guy that rung me telling me that my camping store isn't ranking and it's on page eight of the search engines. Danny de Hek: And just for example, if you search for NZ Outdoors in the Google, I actually come up number one and I know that people aren't searching for phrases. That he thinks they are. And if I had five phrases that they normally say as a package and I was coming up on top of the search engines, it wouldn't mean I would generate any more sales. Danny de Hek: So I'm this actually, Tom is a, is a frigging awesome guy and I liked him. I've got to know Tom and his method. So first of all, I thought Tom was working for the company that owned this website. This is his hobby website. So he's taken a lot of initiative and he set himself up a little drop shipping website. Danny de Hek: But at the time I couldn't remember the name of the company he was from. And I'm thinking if this is the type of websites that EO. As producing, then he's got no show of helping or bettering anything I'm doing. And just while you're there, if you are looking at a website like this, these images aren't unique and you should have unique images, but you can right click on any image on the internet and go search image with Google Lens. Danny de Hek: That's if you're using Chrome and what it will do, or go to Google and say, this image has a footprint, let's go find to see where it is. And here we are. It is that image. These are all images of Alibaba and these are rooftop vehicles. And he's basically doing drop shipping as well. And there's the same photo. Danny de Hek: And if you come down here further, you'll see other photos as well. So this was really interesting to me. And if you look, click on the About Us page. There's a nice little story in there about him wanting to basically make your holiday better and all these images that you can see. I actually just copied images and I'm, this paragraph might be his, but this whole website isn't gonna perform very well in the search engines, and that's probably why he is not selling any of these. Danny de Hek: I can look at this website and say, I'll eat my hat if he is actually sold. One next thing, I did a search for a the phone number again, I found another website and I found a website that does website development and also SEO packages. And now I'm thinking, Oh, so this is the company that he was calling me from, but this is a 22 year old guy who set up two websites of his own because he's having a go at becoming a website developer. Danny de Hek: Now, I take my hat off to you, Tom, because you remind me of me when I was young. Now, this image that you see in the background is actually one and a half megabytes, and it's a p and g, and that takes a long time to load faster. Your website loads. The higher it will rank in the search engines. Now, just before I get off my high horse, I'm actually finished on explaining the back of the story as I've got a pie in the oven and the buzzer's gonna go off in five minutes, so I'm gonna get onto the next part of the meeting. Danny de Hek: So anyway, I went to ring back Tom, not knowing where he is from and who he was, and I wanted to say to him, How can you ring me up, mate? I've just yelled down the phone at the guy. How can you ring me up and tell me you're an SEO when I found these two websites you have done. Anyway, he blocked my number. Danny de Hek: He blocked my number because I told him never ever to ring me again. He did the right thing. Anyway, so I, I searched for his phone number, I found him on WhatsApp and I sent him a few more messages and I said, Can you please get your boss to ring me? Meet Kevin. Kevin is the most amazing person I've ever. Danny de Hek: He rung me up and addressed all the issues I had and I can see why Kevin has 25 people up to 25 people working for his company at certain periods. All depends what job. He doesn't employ 25 people, but when he gets a job, he's got a lot of contractors he can bring in to do certain things. This guy really knows how to run a company and he explained that Tom was a little bit shaken after talking to me on the phone and obviously he rang the wrong person. Danny de Hek: But between Mark and myself, we really did discuss, you know, is SEO needed and is is a scam and what services. Does he provide and why? Because I was telling him I just can't stand these companies that ring people up all day long. Cause often what happens is you go to a website development company and say, Look, I want a website designed. Danny de Hek: And they'll say, How much? And you say four. And they'll say four and a half, $5,000. You get your website and you're all excited and you sit there waiting for it to come up in the search engines and nothing happens. So then you go back to the search engine company and say, Why doesn't it rank up in the search engines? Danny de Hek: And then they say, Oh, you need to spend money on an EEO package and I'll probably charge you anything from 500 to $2,000. And then they may even encourage you to spend a monthly fee. Now, if I was ever going to use a company to do my SEO, honestly this company I'm about to introduce you to, I would recommend their services. Danny de Hek: And this is Kiwi. Kiwi website design.nz. Now, I'm not being paid for this at all, but I really gave it to one of their staff members who was a lead generator. I, I had a guess that the guy was young. I, I didn't realize I've explained my story, but the young fellow was awesome. He's having to go developing a website of his own. Danny de Hek: He's gonna learn. The only way you're gonna learn how to be good at SEO is by having it go yourself and find out what works and what doesn't. You can go to these SEO companies and you can you know, spend a ton of money with these guys and get nowhere. And honestly, if you think that your website, what you really wanna do is you wanna go to these website development companies who claim that they can have you coming up when you search for a certain term and you wanna gauge the results. Danny de Hek: that they, you get after they've done some work. So for example, if you went to a company called Evil Genius Stock Code nz, I've just done an hour and a half's worth of tickling up. Cause I noticed that that company had no SEO. And I said to my mate, who owns the business? You've got no SEO. So go in there, get a couple of hours work done, tickle up the website. Danny de Hek: So it's got it's keyword friendly. But you know, when I construct a website, I make sure the images are named. I make sure the content is on each pages. And these website development companies that charge you for a five page website and eight page website, you, they must think I'm crazy. I used to develop websites that were over a hundred pages. Danny de Hek: Now I used to have 45 different rental car companies that used to use my services and I was doing 98% of all their internet advertising and they all wanted to come up in the top. of the search engines. A lot of strategies are needed to actually have that happen. So I used to start writing itineraries about, so when people were hiring rental cars and they wanted to go from say like Christchurch to Auckland, they would be searching for the activities. Danny de Hek: They would stumble across the website, and then they would have advertising wrapped around it. A bit like driving down the road and seeing a billboard advertising a rental car for horror or a jet ski or a boat for her. When you're on holiday, you the same sort of thing really. But I'm not gonna get into that today because this is actually a podcast. Danny de Hek: And this podcast was when I met Mark and I must say I have the utmost respect for Kiwi website design. They they looked after. They just did everything right and I had to eat humble pie and I may be a bit gentler on the next person that rings me up and offer me a ceo, CEO package. So what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna press play. Danny de Hek: The buzzer is about to go off. I'm gonna grab my pie. I'm gonna go cook myself dinner, and I'm gonna let you listen to this podcast and when I come back, I hopefully won't interrupt you much. Also, I'm gonna have a jewel screen, so when they're talking about different things, I will bring up another thing. Danny de Hek: So I, if you hit the full screen mode, you'll be able to watch and see all the graphics on the screen. So here we go. Meet Mark. Lovely guy. So the question here is, are you being exploited by these SEO companies? Do they actually do a good job for you? And is SEO just another scam, or is it getting low hanging fruit? Danny de Hek: The first five minutes, I apologize, I'm probably a bit tired and grumpy, but you'll see the whole conversation really pans out. So here we go. Mark Magcaling: I'm so impressed, Danny, by the way. Honestly, like, I don't know. I know it's been weird that how we met, but like after I looked at your profile and how you've set up everything, it's very impressive. Danny de Hek: Oh, well we try, You learn every day . So it is a learning curve. I mean, yeah, I just I lost my business to Covid, so I used to have a business networking company, tried to move everyone onto Zoom and it was just really hard. Yeah. And so then I thought I'd start doing online workshops and cause I, with my business network and I used to do tutorials. Danny de Hek: Mm. And they were quite cool. And so I thought I'll make them into workshops, but no one wants to do workshops. Everyone's too busy. . Yeah, that's right. So I got a whole lot of gear and here I am and now a YouTube and a podcaster and all sorts of things, which I never thought I'd do. So just gotta make, try to make money out of. Mark Magcaling: But like from what I know about the industry, right? Cause I follow it quite closely. Like the thumbnails, the way you've set up the podcast and the YouTube videos, the workshops, the website, it's all aligned with everything that everyone preaches about. So, and it's very, that I've seen anyone in New Zealand do it, you know, So you, you're very early Danny de Hek: on in my opinion. Danny de Hek: Oh, well, we'll give it a go. I've got I was in the New York Times on Saturday. I got a, in the printed edition. I dunno how I, I did that, but it was so awesome because that's sort of like starting to get a bit of recognition for the work for your brand. Hey, for the brand, for Danny. The brand. Your brand. Danny de Hek: Yeah. Well the nickname me, the Crypto Ponzi scheme. Now I'm waffling on a wee bit here, so excuse me for that. But if you want to go into the description of the video and they'll put timestamps so you don't have to listen to me waffle on however, The start of this is showing, I've never met Mark before. Danny de Hek: I talked to him on the phone for about five, 10 minutes originally on the Friday. And they said, Let's schedule the time, Let's do a podcast. Read the full article

[cnedirecticn]

stop 🗣 asking 🗣 the 🗣 boys 🗣 about 🗣 the 🗣 10 🗣 year 🗣 anniversary 🗣

[stranger-marauders]

repaired

seven: translation nation

chapter summary: Steve and Kate both have to go to work, but Kate holds a hesitation.

chapter warnings: smuttish, language, making out, alcoholism/alcohol abuse, steve likes kate's boobies

word count: 3.3k

series masterlist | masterlist

WHEN KATE HAD finally arrived at Scoops, she wasn't quite expecting to have to translate a Russian communication with Robin.

Steve had told her a thousand times that she didn't have to help translate it. Kate, however, couldn't help but want to get involved. While somewhat of a secret of hers, she was totally a language dork—that was why she'd taken two in high school. While it had been different than translating either of the languages she spoke, she enjoyed the challenge Russian provided.

"So what languages do you speak?" Robin asked. Kate looked up at her with a confused look, but she elaborated. "Steve told me you speak four languages."

She scoffed, smiling as she shook her head. "Yeah, no, he's a liar. He counts Morse Code because of the alphabet."

"Dingus. What are the other two, then?"

"French and German."

"Wait, for real?" Robin asked, somewhat excitedly. "I speak French, too."

"Really?" Kate asked, matching her excitement. "Like actually, or enough to pass the class?"

"I read a lot of books and listen to tapes," she replied, trying to give Kate an idea about it. "I speak Italian and Spanish, too."

"Jesus, Italian?" Kate laughed. "How'd you manage Italian?"

"I've been playing French Horn since I was five, so I kinda—"

"Can you both stop talking and listen to the tape?" Dustin asked with an annoyed tone, rewinding the tape once again. He came to Scoops to decode it with Steve, not to let Robin and Kate get giddy over a language family that Russian didn't even belong to.

"Sorry, damn," Kate said sheepishly.

When they listened to it again, Robin twisted back around to face him. "Okay, that last part. Just one more time."

"Okay."

As Dustin rewinded the tape, both girls prepared to listen again for anything that stuck out to them.

"Dly-nna-ya," Kate said, drawing out the syllables. She wrote out the way she found it sounded in her notebook, staring at the word. "Obviously it starts with a 'D.'"

"D," Dustin repeated as he moved to the board. "The... The chair. The chair-looking thingy."

"Yeah, okay."

"L," Kate continued, looking at her paper as Robin started transcribing it down in the Cyrillic alphabet.

Once they'd gotten the rest of the phrase, Robin and Kate leaned out of the breakroom window to inform Steve of the good news. "We've got our first sentence."

"Oh, seriously?" Steve said, scooping ice cream into a cone.

"Nedelya dlinnaya," Kate replied.

"The week is long," Robin translated in a terrible Russian accent.

"Well, that's thrilling."

"I know, but progress," Robin said, slipping out the window.

"You still feeling okay?" Steve asked, touching her hand before Kate could slip out behind her.

She nodded, shrugging and smiling. "Yeah, I'm fine. Perfect. Having the time of my life in there. I think I'm gonna take Russian in college."

Steve chuckled. "All right, don't overwork yourself. Love you."

She saluted him with two fingers before she slipped out the window herself. "Love you, too, comrade." Before she could close the window shutters, however, she looked to the customers that Steve had been serving: her sister and Max Mayfield.

"Okay, here you go, you got a strawberry and then a vanilla with sprinkles, extra whipped cream."

"Thanks."

Kate only stared at Max and El in slight shock. Her sister was definitely not supposed to be anywhere near the mall, never mind inside of it to get free ice cream from her boyfriend.

"Wait a second. Are you even allowed to be here?" Steve asked, looking more specifically to El.

"No," Kate said from behind him, trying to get a closer look at her sister. She hadn't even realized that El and Max were friends now.

Both girls giggled as they ran away, and Kate only stared. She hadn't even noticed the horrified expression on Steve's face. He should've known that El wasn't supposed to be there, and now he had just given her ice cream? Then again, if he hadn't given her ice cream, what would she have done to him? Not only was there the opportunity for El to blow his brains out with her mind, but Max could also be really, really mean to him—

"We didn't see her here, got it?" Kate finally asked, looking to him with an unreadable expression.

He nodded, scratching the back of his neck. "Mhm, yep. Got it."

As Steve closed the gate to the ice cream shop entrance, locking it shut, he started talking about the Russian tape again. "I mean, it just... it just can't be right."

"It's definitely right, Steven."

"Honestly, I think it's great news," Dustin said.

"How is this great news?" Steve asked. "I mean, so much for being American heroes. It's total nonsense."

"It's not nonsense," Dustin replied. "It's too specific."

"It has to be a type of code," Kate elaborated, mostly to Steve.

"What do you mean, a code?"

"Like a super-secret spy code," Dustin replied.

"A code that would be useful for Ruskies, anyway," Kate added.

"That's a total stretch."

"I don't know, is it?" Robin asked.

"Both of you are buying into this?" Steve asked, unconvinced.

Robin sighed. "Listen, just for kicks, let's entertain the possibility that it is a secret Russian transmission. What'd you think they were gonna say, 'Fire the warhead at noon?'"

"Exactly," Dustin said.

"I mean, a code makes much more sense than anything else," Kate said. "Like, why would you not use a code to cover up some type of sensitive Soviet information?"

"Exactly."

"So I guess that confirms your suspicion," Kate said.

"Evil Russians."

"I can't believe I'm about to agree with this strange child, but yeah, totally, evil Russians," Robin said.

"So how do we crack it?"

"We can try translating the rest of it tomorrow and hopefully a pattern emerges," Kate replied.

"A pattern," Dustin repeated. "Right, like maybe 'silver cat' is a meeting place?"

"Or a person," Robin said.

"Or a weapon."

"It's probably gonna take a super genius to crack it, but..."

"We've gotten this far," Kate said. She opened her mouth to say something to Steve as she turned to the side, but she quickly realized he was no longer beside her. "Hey, where's Steve?"

The group of three quickly turned around to find Steve standing in front of the mechanical horse near Scoops that seemed to operate all day, every day.

"Hey, Steve," Kate called as he started to pull change out of his pockets. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, it's a quarter. I need... Do you have a quarter?"

Kate chuckled as the three ran over to him. She dug in her pocketbook for a simple quarter, moving closer and closer to him.

"Sure you're tall enough for that ride?"

"Quarter!" Steve shouted as Kate threw one to him, and he put the coin into the machine as quickly as possible.

Once the music started to play, she knew exactly what Steve had been going on about.

"You need help getting up, little Stevie?"

"Would you just shut up and listen?" Steve said as Dustin chuckled.

After the song played for a moment, "Holy shit."

"It's the music," Kate said as Dustin pulled out the tape from his bag and played it.

"I don't understand," Robin said.

"It's the exact same song on the recording," Dustin explained.

"Maybe they have horses like this in Russia?"

"Indiana Flyer? I don't... I don't think so," Steve said, looking to the name of the horse. "This code, it... didn't come from Russia."

"It came from here," Kate said, and she could only stare in horror at the horse as it rocked to the music.

When Kate and Steve arrived back at the cabin, they found Max and El in her bedroom.

This had been the second time today that they'd found the two girls together again. Kate couldn't think of a time that Max and El had been alone together before then, and suddenly it appeared like they were best friends or something.

She turned to Steve, putting her ear against El's green bedroom door to hear them better.

"Is Mike a good kisser?"

"I don't know. He's my first boyfriend."

"Ex-boyfriend."

Kate's mouth fell open.

Steve gave her a worried expression. "What?"

"Mike and El broke up," Kate whispered almost inaudible.

"Oh shit," Steve said somewhat loudly, not even bothering to whisper.

Before Kate could reply to him, Max called out to them from inside El's room. "Hey, who the hell is that?"

"Just me and Steve," Kate said after giving Steve a pointed look, and El opened the door with her powers. They stood in the doorway awkwardly, trying to act as if they weren't listening to them.

"Oh," Max said sheepishly. If she would've known it was Kate, she wouldn't have been so brisk. "Hey."

"You guys okay?" Steve asked them, leaning against the doorframe. He had a hand on his hip, which perfectly accentuated his Scoops uniform (Kate wished she would've had a camera).

"Yeah, Popeye, we're doing great," Max replied, earning a giggle from El.

"Do you even know who Popeye is?" Kate asked, giving her sister a confused look.

She hesitated to respond. "No."

"Great. That's great," Steve said, moving to Kate's room as he sighed.

Kate shook her head, sighing slightly. "Okay, we'll, uh... leave you two alone. Don't, uh... do anything stupid?"

The two girls both smiled innocently at her. Almost too innocently for comfort. "We won't."

Kate closed the door behind her, which immediately led to the giggles of the two girls as "Angel" continued to blare in the background. In a way, Kate's heart warmed at the thought that Max and her sister were now friends. It seemed like an odd duo, but she figured that both of them probably got so tired of hanging out with all of those boys all the time. A friend like Max would be good for El: she needed someone that would help her speak her mind, to help her break out of Mike's shell (because Kate was very, very tired of her dad being so upset about Mike). Kate also liked Max a lot more than Mike, so she would take what she could get.

Whenever Kate walked into her room, shutting the door behind her, she found Steve had already put on another pair of shorts, digging through her drawers for a shirt. "Well, she's taking it better than I could have ever imagined."

"No shit," Steve replied, still looking for a shirt.

Kate's lips tugged upward as she moved to lean against her dresser, watching him as he dug through her drawers. She liked to admire him whenever he wasn't looking, mostly because she knew his ego didn't need any boosting when it came to how attractive he was. She loved to trace over his freckles with her eyes, his happy trail. The shorts he had on now sat low on his waist, leaving a bit less to the imagination. She, however, pushed it to the back of her mind—she, currently, was much more invested in her sister's relationship. "She obviously broke up with him. Figures. She was too good for him anyway."

When Steve finally found a shirt of his, he put it on top of her dresser, then put a hand on her jaw. "You done talking about the kids now?"

She gave him a pointed look, holding her hand over his. "If your sister just dumped her boyfriend, you'd be talking about it, too."

He chuckled, kissing her as he rubbed his thumb against her cheek. When her tongue slid over his, he sighed, putting one of his hands on her waist, moving under her tank top and flannel to touch her skin instead. 

She slid her flannel off of her shoulders, letting it drop to the floor as she wrapped her arms around his neck again, melting into another kiss as he pinned her against the wall. He hoisted her up, her legs immediately wrapping around his waist. Out of breath, he released her lips and began to make his way down her neck, making light nibbles as he moved. When she let out a soft moan when he landed at a particular spot, he smirked for half a second before moving back to the same spot, biting and sucking at it.

He moved back to her lips whenever she'd finally giggled, making him exhale heavily. His hand spanned the width of her cheek, fingertips grazing her hairline whilst his thumb managed to pull at her bottom lip, eager for more.

The loose change and random books on her desk fell to the floor whenever Steve picked her up and moved her on top of it, legs spreading for him to fit in between. One of his hands roamed up her thighs, pushing at the soft skin there until he hitched a knee up and over his hip, pressing himself into her. Kate broke the kiss for only a second to slip her tank top over her head, leaving her just in a bra and shorts.

Just for a moment, he pulled away, chest heaving, pressing their foreheads together. "They're on the other side of that wall."

"And?"

"I'm not gonna be able to stop if we keep going, Kathy."

She stifled a laugh. "Okay."

With her words, Steve shrugged it off and moved down to her chest, kissing over the lace triangles that covered her chest. He looked back up to her again, almost as if he were asking for her approval. She nodded at him, and he unhooked her bra, leaving her topless as he held one of her breasts in his hand and his tongue traced over her nipple.

She moaned softly, immediately running her fingers deep through his hair, tugging in appreciation as she smiled at the sound it pulled from him. His eyes fluttered shut as he continued to kiss, nip, and suck at her breasts, his hands skimming up and down her sides before they settled on her ass. She wrapped her legs around his waist again, noticing the hardness pressed up against her thigh. She moved her hips slightly, making him let out a small moan.

As Steve moved to unbutton her shorts, the front door slapped open and shut, clunky footsteps seeming to follow.

Her father had come home, and he was absolutely pissed.

Kate quickly pushed Steve off of her, throwing on the t-shirt Steve had thrown on her dresser, and Steve quickly dug through the drawer he'd claimed in Kate's dresser, quickly throwing on a shirt of his own. Kate quickly rushed out of her bedroom, finding her father stumbling to El's bedroom door, a wine bottle in hand. "Hey! When I say three inches, three—"

When he slammed the green door open, he found Max and El laying on the floor, reading two magazines.

"Do you knock? Jeez!" Max shouted.

"Yeah! Jeez!" El repeated.

"Oh, hey," Hopper slurred.

When Steve had followed behind her, finally putting on a shirt, he watched Hopper just as Kate had. When he finally looked at her face, his heart dropped: she looked horrified.

It had been a long time since Jim Hopper had stumbled home late after a long night of drinking. Kate couldn't remember a time when her father had done it since they'd added El to their family, and it certainly hadn't been something she missed. The thought of him driving home like this from downtown made a chill run down her spine. She could only stare in horror as her father only made the situation with the two girls in El's room even more embarrassing and awkward.

"I'm sorry," Hopper said, trying to make himself sound more put together. "I thought that, uh—"

"Mike's not here," Max said knowingly.

"Max wanted to have... a sleepover," El said. "Is that... okay?"

"Yeah?" Hopper said. "Yeah, yeah. Yeah." He looked at Max. "Your parents know about it?"

"Yup," she replied, popping the "P."

"Uh, yeah, it's cool," Hopper said. "That's... That's really cool."

Whenever he stopped talking, an awkward silence hung in the air.

"Did you need something?" Max asked.

"No, no," Hopper replied, almost in a daze. "Uh, I'll leave. I'll just let you... I'll leave you..." He stuttered until he finally shut the door, letting the two girls enjoy their time together. Whenever he noticed Steve and Kate's presence, he turned to them as the two only stared at him in horror.

"Hey, you two," Hopper said, smiling drunkenly.

"What happened?" Kate asked, eyes wide. Her father hadn't been this drunk in a long time. 

"Oh, nothin'. Joyce stood me up at Enzo's."

Kate sighed. She hadn't even realized Hopper had asked Joyce out on a date, let alone the fact that they were going on one tonight (or didn't go on, she assumed). "Dad..."

"It's not a big deal. I'm home with you now, so it's all good."

She frowned. "Dad, I don't... are you okay?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine," her father answered, sitting and reclining back into his chair. "Just glad to be home with you kids."

"Dad—"

"Why don't you two come sit," Hopper said, turning the TV on to a Magnum P.I. rerun. "We can enjoy ourselves."

Before Kate could object, Steve grabbed her hand, pulling her to the couch. "Sure."

"What the hell're you—"

"Just trust me, okay?" Steve said, sitting down on the couch. 

Kate looked to Steve, almost not believing what he was doing. She knew they needed to just leave the room, hide out in her room or something. Even though Steve's parents were home, she wasn't even opposed to going to his house instead. Anywhere would be better than right here right now, and she was absolutely sure of it. Hopper would eventually get better if they just left him alone, that or he wouldn't get any worse.

Whenever he shot her with the puppy dog eyes, though, she sighed, sitting on the couch next to him.

After a couple of hours, Kate had finally fallen asleep. Since then, she had curled into Steve, leaning her head on his chest. He hadn't moved a muscle since then—he knew how much she struggled with falling asleep. He didn't want to risk waking her up, even if it meant he and Hopper were left alone.

Hopper finally cleared his throat, breaking the silence. "You're a good kid, Steve."

He almost hadn't heard what he said. He could've sworn he could've imagined it. "What?"

"I said that you're a good kid."

Steve hesitated. "Really?"

"As much as it pains me to say it, yeah," Hopper said, shrugging slightly. "Out of any of 'em she could've picked, I'm glad it was you. There's not a son of a bitch in this town that gets her like you do."

Steve smiled. "That means a lot, sir."

Hopper looked at him with an unreadable expression. "You, uh… remember what you promised me last year?"

Steve almost laughed at the idea. How could he not remember? it had been that night when she had gotten so hurt, and she had been laying in Jonathan Byers's room, passed out from all the blood she'd lost. After she had almost died, Hopper had asked him to keep her safe, no matter what happened. Back then, it had seemed like a promise that would be difficult to keep, but it truly hadn't been. Not yet.

"Yeah. Yeah, I remember."

He hesitated. "Don't forget it."

Steve nodded. "I wasn't planning on it."

Hopper stood up, clapping him on the shoulder before walking into his room for the night.

That night, as well as the night she'd gotten so hurt, would be something he'd never forget.

next chapter

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[pinkiepiebones]

Hello, question. Based entirely on overthinking the premise "Special seems to have an accent; Ghouls are natively telepathic." If a Ghoul is speaking to you telepathically, does it have any sort of distinct accent, something from some infernal dialect, or, since it's broadcast into your head directly, is it going to default sound like...whatever your brain's default language/accent is (once you get past the Terrifying factor)?

Is a Ghoul who speaks more physically and has a distinct accent by choice, by a fluke that it just comes out similar to something we would recognize, or adopted from having heard it somewhere and just picking it up as a human does through exposure?

AKA, the difference between Ominous Ghoul Telepathy patterns and Special's speech patterns is adorable really interesting. This is also praise for how Special's speech is...written? Transcribed, since he seems to do some of the sleaking of his own accord? bc if one has listened to him speak before too much and then goes to read him here it's like, "...Yup, that's it, I can hear that in my head now, that's correct."

~It's me again, are the excessive paragraphs getting annoying yet? I could have done this in 2 sentences but no I can't...

"Ehehehehhhe, well, to be honest, it is hard to contemplate, mostly because we- uh, ghouls, as a whole, you know, group... What is a group of us called, anyways? A gaggle? A bushel? I oppose being a part of a flock, but some flocks get cool names, like crows, it's 'a murder of crows!' Are we a murder? I gotta, I gotta ask Cope if there's church documents...

"... What was... Oh! Right, so. Ghouls are not well understood, even amongst ourselves, in a sense. It's because we are not, ehhhhh, the 'cool' demons. We are nameless because it's easier for any skill level magic user to summon a nameless entity. Ghouls, it's 'hey you, get up here, build this, dig that, move those,' and we obey 'cause it's what ghouls is for. It's in our DNA, not that we have DNA. I have sometimes likened it to a programming. It's crude, I think, but it gets across the, uh, idea.

"As for our talking, see, this is another... I don't know, really. I know I'm not a normal ghoul in my talking, of course, but no one's ever... Hold on, I'm gonna text...

"... hold on, he's... Cope's a slow texter... very, eheheheh, wordy...

"... Okej! Co- sorry, I keep forgetting to say 'Papa Emeritus the Fourth'- says-

" 'ghouls sound, or feel, rather, like a harsh whisper at the edges of your head, as if a memory is starting to play at low volume in the back of your mind. They have a flat affectation, I've never come across one with an accent, but once you get to know certain ghouls, as I have with the band, you can subconsciously pick up on which ghoul is speaking to you at any given time. They seem to develop physical mannerisms, such as hand motions, to accompany their speech the longer they spend here on Earth.' "

"Huh.!

"Oh, he sent more...

" 'Special, conversely, sounds, and his voice indeed does feel like audible sound, gentle and friendly. I only notice an accent from him when I have been speaking to people from other places. I just think he sounds... warm.' "

"Eheheheheheeh, he's such a sap. I love him. ... I hope- does that help, any of it?? I never really considered how I or us sound, uhhh, thought-sound to peoples. Maybe I pick up on things, not on purpose, but I just, um- fwlip!- like a sponge, eheheheh. I dunno. Maybe Lucifer made me sound and act like this for a, uh, "greater purpose" or some such things. He didn't tell me if it's so. Hehehehhehh."

(THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS ABOUT MY WRITING AND THANK YOU AS ALWAYS FOR ASKING SUCH DEEP QUESTIONS ABOUT MY HEADCANONS I WANT TO HUG YOU AND GIVE YOU COOL ROCKS AND POKEMON CARDS)

[st-louis]

a list of hockey podcasts

i spend... a lot of time reading about, listening to, and learning about hockey and i thought maybe you guys might be interested in the podcasts i follow. i don’t always listen to every episode of every show, but they’re things i have in my subscriptions and listen to frequently.

i’m going to end up having to put this under a cut because it’s getting really long.

general podcasts

the hockey pdocast - without a doubt my favorite general hockey podcast. dimitri filipovic is a stats guy who writes for eprinkside, and his analytic cast definitely shines through in the way he handles the topics. i like the variety of deep dives he does and i always feel like i come away from listening with better understanding of the topic because he doesn’t just talk stats, but gives you context for why those numbers might be the way they are, so if you’re trying to become more familiar with advanced stats this a great one to listen to. also his voice is just so soothing. absolutely my favorite car show.

the athletic hockey show - it’s frequent, long, and informative, but there are different hosts depending on the day and i definitely enjoy listening to some of them more than others (i like ian and hailey a lot, i enjoy the seans, craig and pierre know what they’re talking about but hoo boy i do not enjoy their episodes so much).

staff & graph - they are definitely leafs homers and some of their takes really annoy me especially because they purport to be analysis based and then like... will come out with something that’s not really an analysis so much as it’s, you’re a leafs fan and that’s your opinion, but for the most part i do enjoy it. doerrie is a former front office employee of the devils and she has a lot of very interesting inside knowledge and knowledge based on actually working closely with hockey teams. she still has connections so if you’re interested in ‘sources,’ she usually has good info and stories. again, usually come away feeling like i learned something.

soul on ice - kwame damon mason (film director and hockey fan), akil thomas (kings prospect), elijah roberts (formerly of the niagra ice dogs, currently playing college hockey) hang out and talk hockey and interview guests. they’re all really likeable dudes and have a lot of interviews with players of color and other interesting topics (taya currie!). a solid listen from both a fan and player perspective, for example it was cool to hear akil talking about his experiences during the covid season.

the cross-check nhl show - decent general hockey talk show. andrew berkshire is a habs writer and mary clarke is a general hockey writer but a flyers fan (a show made for me, haha). they’re likeable and have good opinions on social justice related issues within hockey. they cover major stories around the league, discuss their personal teams, and also do a little pop culture segment at the end that i usually skip.

hockey central - unfortunately this is like the epitome of a hockey man podcast (as in, it is literally all hockey men). they come from a variety of backgrounds, including players and coaches, and generally the actual hockey talk is good, even if they get on my nerves sometimes. if you want to know what the average player/former player is thinking this is a pretty good one. and they update a lot.

31 thoughts - jeff marek (also of the hockey central pod) and elliotte friedman talk hockey. if you’re looking for “insider” info this is one of those you’re gonna want to listen to. a bit wishy washy when it comes to stuff like the hawks scandals.

behind the gear - this is an interesting one, because they interview a lot of “lesser known” personalities but it’s always a pretty solid interview. again, i don’t listen to every interview but if there’s a guest that looks interesting, i’ll mark it for later. they have a bunch of interviews with nick and ryan suzuki so that was a personal interest of mine, haha.

puck soup - i almost never listen to this one because it’s too long (like episodes upwards of 100 minutes) and i really don’t like wyshynski as a person. but i do appreciate sean mcindoe. usually only tune in if there’s a topic i’m interested in.

6 degrees with mike mckenna - mike mckenna (former journeyman goalie and flyers goalie of the Eight Goalie Year and former vgk broadcast)’s interview / general hockey show. he’s very personable and a good interviewer.

the press zone - a show mostly focused on prospects, whether that’s in major juniors, the ahl, european leagues, etc. it’s a deeper dive into an area that a lot of the other shows don’t necessarily get to, so i appreciate it.

the hockey think tank - another ‘smaller’ podcast with some interesting and unexpected interviews. again, don’t listen to it all the time but it’s worth a shot if they have a topic you like.

the full 60 - craig custance’s solo show. another “insider.”

missin curfew - i usually only listen to this one if they have a guest i’m interested in because this is also a very bad example of hockey men hanging out and talking and you want to strangle them mostly. it’s two other dudes and kevin hayes’ older brother so you can pretty much expect exactly what you are getting from them.

the broadscast - wish there were more female hockey podcast hosts, but this one is a good one. i like the variety of guests that they have on. i don’t listen to it every episode but will tune in if there’s a topic i like.

flyers-related podcasts

broad street radio - i have such a hate/hate relationship with this one. it’s like the flyers podcast but i hate most of the hosts. i listen mostly for charlie o’connor, who is the only one who can reign in their terrible opinions.

flyers daily - daily news about the flyers, game recaps, and interviews with players. usually short and no-frills episodes, which i appreciate. myrtetus also plays goalie in beer league so he has a player’s perspective, at least, from that level.

flyers talk - nbc’s podcast with jordan hall, taryn hatcher, and joe fordyce. pretty basic talk show from a beat reporter, a former broadcast, and a guy named joe. again fairly no frills, do not always agree with them, but decent enough information.

everything but hockey - andrea helfrich, the most beautiful woman in the world’s, podcast. she does interviews with a lot of people who work with the team in some capacity (for example, nyree, the nutritionist) are associated with the team (she is great with interviewing wives and girlfriends), and the players themselves. she is super charming and good at talking to people so the episodes are usually fun to listen to.

snow the goalie - two flyers beat reporters i dislike but who nevertheless sometimes have The Info.

locked-on flyers - i haven’t actually listened to this much yet but i like locked-on habs a lot and i’m gonna have to give it a chance.

nasty knuckles - this is a podcast i absolutely suffer through. settlemyre is so fucking annoying and maybe the worst interviewer i’ve ever heard. however, if you are interested in the flyers, he has the goods. riley cote is also here. i have to get back to actually transcribing these again because really you don’t want to listen to them.

habs-related podcasts

le support athlétique - arpon and marc antoine from the athletic talk the habs. alternating episodes in french and english, which is frustrating when they are talking in french about something i want to listen to, but i think it’s cool that they provide for the entirety of the fanbase. they are fascinating to listen to, and obviously good friends. i enjoy their insights about the players and coaches.

eyes on the prize - one of my favorites. good hosts, great variety of topics, including interviews with european prospects that you don’t always hear from. it’s also an sbnation podcast but i like it so much better than i like bsh.

habs-statician - statistically-based habs analysis from a fan in toronto. dylan is a really thoughtful podcaster, and i appreciate listening to him very much. 

locked-on canadiens - another daily listen. laura and scott continue the theme of the habs podcasts i enjoy which is mostly that they are really reasonable about their view of the team. they criticize when players aren’t doing well, but not in a mean way, and they praise the players who are doing well. i like the daily analysis and breakdown of the news mixed in with sillier segments like who would play the habs in a movie.

habs tonight - former hab and flyer dale weise and a rotating cast of co-hosts discuss habs related topics. i was skeptical at first because i thought it might be gossipy, but it’s actually not that bad. the hockey talk from a former player is all like “wow, that makes so much sense” when you hear it (the episode where weise talks about joël bouchard, in the first negative thing i’d ever heard about him, is one that i am specifically thinking of here). he’s also good at interviewing his former teammates, you can tell they are at ease with him.

history in the making - national treasure marc dumont interviews habs prospects and other people associated with the team. he is so funny and charming and knowledgeable about hockey, it is always worth a listen.

habby hour - i don’t really enjoy these hosts but i will listen if they’re interviewing someone i’m interested in.

other teams-related podcasts that i listen to

steve dangle - i will admit i mostly started listening to this one as schadenfreude, but for the most part i enjoy it. i don’t really like the co-hosts but i do enjoy how absolutely fed up he is with the leafs. :) but on a more serious note, they do some good work, i was very impressed with their recent episode interviewing rick westhead about his work on the chicago coverups.

[wheres-my-prize]

hi sorry if this is annoying, but a book i have has a partial transcription of that tape, mostly different parts but it includes some of what you transcribed, and there's one thing that you wrote as unintelligible that was in there. he says "How about that." before "We're gonna make it in with the needle touching empty, I guess."

again sorry if this is annoying, i just thought you'd like to know

THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD I LISTENED TO THAT SO MANY TIMES AND COULDNT GET IT

[demonslayedher]

Any Kny character you've grown to love/appreciate more??

Thanks for waiting, Anon, I have been trying to really, really hard to narrow this down, but the answer remains: the vast majority of the cast. The only character I loved right away was Tanjiro and that love kept me watching, as with almost every new character I was like, "ugh, I hate this guy. Here I was, having fun being emotionally invested in a high quality anime, and this might ruin it for me." But then the instant I see a different side of their character, I'm like, "...Oh." To go into some examples...

Zenitsu: I could not stand him right away, I hate womanizers, and his conniptions would go on so long that they held up the story. But Gotouge/Ufotable strung me along perfectly, the first glimpse of Thunder Breath made me immediately pay attention and think, "oh, that was cool. I want to see more of that." Seeing him protect the box pretty firmly put him in the "I need to protect this child" box in my heart. And then the spider demon happens, and I'm sending desperate reaction messages to a friend like "NOOOOOO!!!! BABBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYY!!!!" And then he annoyed me all over again at the start of Functional Recovery, ahaha. It's hard to remember how annoyed I was because I'm such a Zen Stan now, and he was a very firm favorite of mine by the time I finished binging the anime up to the last couple episodes, which I waited for as they came out. Inosuke: He was one of the reasons I was curious about the series, I saw some promotional art and was super curious about Nezuko's muzzle (I was one of the people who thought it was some ancient scroll or something, haha) and the kid with the boar mask. The art I saw showed his face, and I assumed he'd be some kid with a cracking voice performed by a female seiyuu. As much as I love Matsuoka's performance now, initially, since I knew what his face looked like, I found it grossly off-putting the moment I heard it. Then every chaotic thing Inosuke did dug a deeper hole; I very quickly decided I hated him, especially when he started beating up on the kid I was starting to like. As his chaos subsided he just became a character I tolerated, and then this happened:

Images you can hear, am I right? This immediately flipped the "BABY" switch in my heart. It was also a lot of fun to understand the Inosuke memes I was seeing everywhere. So by the end of the anime, I loved, loved, loved, loved the Tanjiro/Zenitsu/Inosuke interactions and desperately wanted more (still didn't like how Zenitsu bothered Nezuko, though). I was so impatient for more, but the manga art looked disappointingly off-putting. I figured the anime was successful enough that there'd eventually be more of it, and I wanted to be patient, but then I poked around, read some spoilers, got back into Tumblr to look at fanart and memes, saw a spoiler image of Tanjiro affected by Muzan's poison and the binge-read began. (That's kind of a lie, but I'll get to that.) Let's back up a few episodes. There I was, having a great time, the guy who I forgot about from Episode 1 was back and haha, I guess everyone hates him, and the chick who I figured was going to be a medic who saves Zenitsu in the nick of time turned out to be savage, awesome. I was sending reactions to my friends who were ahead of me, and then we left off seeing the Pillars staring down Best Boy. And I...

Well. Uh. Here, I've dug up an old convo for you, my comments are in blue.

Immediately followed by a passionate vocal rant, which I have transcribed here:

“I feel like what happened was that the mangaka was sitting around with his assistants and was like, ‘welp, gotta make this whole cast of characters, they gotta be so-o-o-o many more levels of extreme than all the other characters I’ve had so far, which isn’t hard, because all of the background characters are cannon fodder and I’ve just gotta leave them all with black hair and no personality traits. So! Gotta go to the opposite of the spectrum with the BIG! POWERFUL! People so no-o-o-body can be normal.’ And so he and his assistants sat down, and they all wrote down just random words or traits, and them put ‘em all in a hat. And then for each character, they pulled out a few of them and said, ‘OK. We’re gonna put these things together, now we have a character.’ And he was probably also like, ‘Iiiiiiiiiiiii’ll flesh them out later. For now, they just need t’… be there, and make an impact. How do we make an impact? By making sure it’s super, super clear what their character traits are. Here, we’ll have this guy repeat the word //HADE//…. ////HA DEEE//// over and over and over… to show that he’s a /showy/ person. Because he /cares/ about that. And he //should// care because that is his character and that’s why he’s powerful.’ OH MY GOSH, it’s so dumb.”

......orz I feel like Genya looking back at how he acted at the end of the Final Selection. I'm sorry, Gotouge, I had not even encountered your love for these characters yet in your little alligator form. Nor had I encountered the yet unseen-sides of these traumatized dragons and tigers. ...*coughs* Um. So. I was pretty harsh.

So this was my mindset, I went into the manga not caring about most of these characters and just wanting more Kamaboko squad interactions and wanting to hurry up and catch up to the battle with Muzan. And it's worth stating that I didn't mean to read it at first. I encountered a few spoilers, and just wanted to look for the context surrounding those parts, and then hunt for the (non-existent) build-up to those parts, and so... uh.........

I read a lot of the manga out of order, and yeah, that did affect how much I cared about what was going on. I didn't actually properly process a lot of it until later re-reads. But to try to state some things simply about each Pillar:

Giyuu: He was just 'ok' to me for a long time, I could see the appeal for why people I knew were fangirling over him but he didn't do it for me. His soft spot for Tanjiro was indeed endearing, though, and I firmly liked him by the time chapter 200 came out and I was properly heartbroken on his behalf.

Shinobu: She was intriguing, and then I liked her as soon as I saw her savage side, she was one of the characters I went hunting for spoilers for.

Rengoku: That stare really put me off at first, but I fell for him over the process of Tanjiro falling for him. When I first finished the train arc I sat back and said, "wow! That's going to make for a good movie!" and then in psyching myself out for the movie several months in advance, I fell hook, line, and sinker and was totally excited for him each time I saw the trailers. And then the movie was *stunning* and I love him even more. Uzui: He was the Pillar I hated most upon first meeting them. I blame the repeated use of his catchphrase. But then when he let his hair down to sell the kiddos the change in design helped warm me up more to him, like, "oh, there was a human in there." It took a long time for him to become more interesting to me, and an uncharacteristically subtle journey to becoming a character I liked. I am currently getting more and more psyched out for him and eager to see how much more I'm going to like him with the shiny Ufotable treatment. Mitsuri: At first I didn't remember her name, I had code-named her as "Boobs." But I kinda had a feeling she was going to grow on me quickly, and I was right, she's one of my easy favorites now. Muichiro: Who? Oh yeah, that kid who always kinda fell to the wayside in my attention. I'd see a lot of Muichiro-themed blogs and hear a lot of little girls looking at merch and showing a clear favoritism of him, and I'd like always react like Muichiro and just be like, "...", and then when I read his major battles I was more emotionally invested in things going on concurrently with other characters, and I was still like, "...", and then two days ago I revisited a Muichiro scene and was suddenly like, "......OH!!! MUICHIRO!!!!!" Himejima: I never really hated Himejima, even if I found his first impression kind of wimpy (haha... oh, I was so wrong). I had a pretty easy acceptance of him too, so I would generally count him among characters I like, but if you were to ask me why, I'd draw a blank. It's kind of a weirdly mature, subdued appreciation for him rather than passionate fangirling. But weirdly when I was daydreaming the other day I found myself thinking, "if I had to marry someone in the KnY cast, it would be Himejima." So like, not a fiery romance, but I see him as my dependable, sturdy rock to grow old with??? What is up with you, sub-conscious?? Iguro: My interest in him rises and falls. Being a Mitsuri fan helped warm me up to his character in the first place, which was the emotional tie I needed since his backstory didn't grip me much (I found it a frustrating distraction while I was desperately reading weekly updates). Reading more subtle details about his character in the fanbooks has brought me around and made me more curious about him, like I'd really like to be a fly on the wall for the conversation he had with Uzui one day about their pasts.

Sanemi: Hahaha, wow. He was so unlikable in the beginning, wasn't he? His character design (yeah, the eyes) was really off-putting too. But then I got to know him and there was no going back, I got totally played. He's a character I'm pretty fond of now and one of the characters I've enjoyed delving into most in fanfic. To keep this answer from getting too long, for the vaaaaaast majority of the cast, I was initially like, "meh" or "OK" or "ew" but now am like, "EEEEEEEEE, I LOVE THIS TOTALLY RANDOM UNIMPORTANT SIDE CHARACTERRRRRRR" so you know... times change. And the more time I spend obsessed with Kimetsu no Yaiba, the more I like them all, so even the characters I'm lukewarm on will probably have their eventual days when they take over my heart and smash it.

[groggiie]

Bee Movie Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Bee Movie script is here for all you fans of the Jerry Seinfeld animated movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Bee Movie quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Bee Movie Script

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All

right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for

that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not?

- It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane!

You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label

on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so

difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer,

have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta

weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke

machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the

last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble.

We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen,

everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that. Special thanks to SergeiK.

oph my god

[ursbearhug]

Damn, I wonder if war on masculine/feminine things will end in my life time.

"I prefer my men to be masculine". Wow, that statement means literally nothing. It doesn't mean anything. This is like 'non-sentence'. There is neat 0 information transcribed here. Absolutely none. Null.

It annoys me because clearly the "masculine" part is something debatable. I don't find my long hair or nail polish feminine, nor do I find them masculine. The same way I don't find my chest hair nor facial hair masculine or feminine. They're literally things, objects, I enjoy wearing.

But for you a man has to be idk bald and have horribly looking hands?? Which just goes to show, that your idea of what masculinity is and what contributes to looking 'masculine', is subjective and therefore will be different for different people.

Maybe instead of going on a lengthy tangent just block me and be done with it. Shees. I cannot qualify as your man and that's for the best for both of us. C'est la vie, ciao bella, I shall bid you adieu. Idk what do to with you or your temper tantrum. I never thought I'm gonna need to explain simple concepts like this to people significantly older than me, where did my life go wrong?

[celestialmarks]

“I’m not the bad one here”: Muu Analysis and Interpretation

here is my personal muu analysis and interpretation. i'm really wondering: does muu really believe herself to be justified? is this a front she's presenting because her apologies remained unheard to the bitter end? is she really vindictive and somewhat indifferent deep down, or is she really pretending to protect herself? somewhat a bit of both? this is what i'll be trying to answer. i'm going to be using : - her official character intro in the character intros MV - her intro voice lines (from the official website) - her interview questions - her drama CD content basically every piece of muu extra content we've got, aside from minimal interactions from the app. AS WELL AS - her MV, After Pain, which i'm going to be deciphering based on the color coding! i don't think anyone has done this in full yet (if anyone did, i apologize)

(general TW for discussions & depiction of severe bullying)

as a general disclaimer,

i'm not going to reiterate points that have already been made. if you've looked at youtube comments of previously made analysis, it should be enough to determine what's going on. i'm interested in exploring why muu may feel justified in her actions and what the "darker" side of her is, is all.

there have been no hints as to the fact that she was a bully in the past or something. it could still come out that she was, or that her behavior was awful in whatever way (which i really wouldn't like bcse it reinforces the notion that bullied people "have to had deserved it" which is gross) and it still WOULD NOT change my opinion of her bcse she's still been through all that and pushed to the limit. at the end of the day, there's no way she lied about or downplayed this. she WAS horribly bullied and she almost died from it.

muu has her flaws, clearly. i'm just pointing out what they are here, her mentality and how it might allude to her being shown in a less sympathetic light next round, but that's it.

first, where does the "muu feeling justified" even come from?

to begin with, it's been stated in her intro "she can have a attitude at some times." it's also confirmed by the insults on the blackboard, transcribed in eng and edited onto the MV's visuals here (TW suicide baiting, self-harm baiting).

"So arrogant" as well as "are you looking down on us?" are written on the first blackboard, "eww poor people" on the second.

in her drama CD, muu also appears to be :

overly blunt at times 

spoiled. used to being treated well, since she's rich

quite manipulative, even if she's straightforward about it

i suggest u read the whole thing to get a sense of what she's like, if you haven't yet!

once again and at the risk of repeating myself... she still doesn't deserve any of what happened even if she was condescending or flaunted her wealth. which i don't even think might be the case (it's not like the bullies are objective, they're just using it as a way to justify their treatment of her. and in the MV she says herself "There's no special meaning / I just got the short end of the stick"). she's kind of naive about her wealth (see the crepe incident dfdghjd) she doesn't appear to do it to annoy others or look down on them. she's just used to a life of comfort.

moreover, it's been implied she may have been taken advantage of initially because of her wealth (see the chat on her phone and the picture of her with the three other girls, which i'll call Girl A, Girl B and Girl C for convenience's sake and also bcse the ref to dr is funny). probably her bluntness and occasional attitude caused her more problems, but i'll come back to what triggered the bullying later.

regarding her manipulative behavior, it's because she's used to getting her way (crepe incident, her telling Es she'll just make him like her : "All I have to do is gain your favour, right?"). "my sorry spells must be wearing off" in After Pain alludes to this. since she was previously quite privileged, she had never been treated like this before. even when she made mistakes she was forgiven, so she may have been a bit of an entitled brat, once again. when she starts being bullied, her world REALLY turns upside down. she's so used to getting her way that she even THREATENS Es at the end of the drama CD. we're past manipulative here. no way to know if she has done this in the past though. this might just be due to her desperation, really, but the fact that she does it right after another attempt at sweet talk does make me raise a brow

also the way she turns the tables on Es. "i won't forgive you" when she's supposed to be the one who's forgiven or not? she's rejecting the fault onto Es, just like, ALL the way through her drama CD, she's been saying she wasn't in the wrong. that's her way of justifying herself when/if she causes harm. literally she will not stop saying it : 

"I’m not the bad one here!" "I did kill them. But, they’re to blame! They made it to the point where I had to kill them… I… I had such a tough time." "Sure, I might’ve killed them, but… If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to escape. The cruel things they did to me were far worse!" "If you’re gonna say that I shouldn’t have killed them, then… Are you saying that I should’ve continued suffering forever?" "Even though I’m not the one in the wrong, they want to sentence me to penal servitude… That’s so messed-up." "It wasn’t a bad thing to do, right?" "What should I do then? What should I do in order for you to forgive me, prison guard? I’ll do anything! Um… Anything painful or embarrassing is out of the question though… And, I don’t wanna do anything scary either…"

muu is DESPERATE to be proven innocent. she'll do almost anything, though she's reluctant to put herself in any situation that might be triggering for her (understandable after what she's been through so i wouldn't say she's whining here.) in one of her intro voice lines on the website she says pretty much the same thing:

That’s right. I killed someone. But I couldn’t help it! If I didn’t, there’d be no way to escape. I’m… not the bad one.

in addition, here is what we get from her intro in the character intros MV:

"Fufu... it's your fault for doing horrible things to me." → Lack of remorse ?

from her interview questions:

"The person who did something wrong should apologize first." → Waiting for others to acknowledge their faults first, bcse she doesn't want her apologies to be ignored again... and to just be mistreated again, as a result?

maybe she wants to be declared innocent so that she can finally feel like she's heard, acknowledged. so that she can feel that her pain has reached people, and she might start apologizing outwardly then too, bcse part of her's sorry. but a part of her genuinely believes she had no other choice and as such should be treated as innocent. it's kind of a complex mentality.

what i'm focusing on is that she has this belief she is justified still.

something caught my eyes in relation to that : the "thinks she's the hero" on the second blackboard. muu has a self-righteous side like futa, even if it were (partially?) a front.

also, the quote behind every inmate : "every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." muu "saved" herself by killing someone else and now has a future, so she's her own hero? perhaps. perhaps that's what is helping her cope with the crushing guilt, and that's why she's outwardly so insistent on it.

but then again, something doesn't click: why would muu be saved from killing someone? the bullying has just gotten worse. why does she seem so relieved in that situation? is it because people at least don't touch her now, because they're scared of her? she is literally getting suicide baited though... well, i have an idea. but first let's decode After Pain properly.

more substance to her feeling justified: the color coding and hidden messages in After Pain

so, here goes. on the official site, people who got the innocent verdict are shown to have green eyes, while people who got the guilty verdict have red eyes. so from this, we can deduce that innocent = green and guilty = red.

well... muu's MV is coded like that all the way through. we have a theme of greens (cold colors) VS oranges (warm colors). to represent her thoughts in relation to her actions, and others'. they’re complementary colors, so it’s rather clear cut (black and white?) the color that's inbetween is the yellow from the screen with the handwriting writing that keeps coming back as well as... yup... the yellow from the box cutter she used to kill Girl A, her crush (presumably). and the yellow that is muu's character color! so very significant. i'll analyse After Pain sequence by sequence so u can see what i mean in detail. beginning of the MV : she's sitting in the classroom alone. the first thing we see is the green hourglass = i'm innocent! and we see the orange glow of the sunset. the light isn't hitting her directly, as u can see: she's left in the shadows = blameless, the victim here. it's hitting the blackboard with all the insults, however.

together with the lyrics this scene is basically everything about muu screaming "SEE? IT'S THEIR FAULT, LOOK WHAT THEY DID. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." and then of course we have the first instance of the screen with writing in yellow! this one says "ねえなんで" ("say, why?") nothing surprising there so far.

then BOOM the hourglass. very very clearly depicting her pain, her suffocating and being cut from the world. and thus proving her "innocence" bcse she's trapped, in danger of choking, and helpless.

it of course covers her (more of her basically telling you she's innocent). and then it cuts to a pinker, more orange-y scene with the bullies (they're guilty!)

and WAIT A MINUTE? WHAT IS THAT? yep... the box cutter. and what color is it in this scene? orange. it was orange here.

clearly she's saying that the others are much more at fault here. when she wields it, the box cutter is of a lighter color--still a warm color, since it's yellow. but a yellow that's very close to the lime green of her hourglass, isn't it? for now let's say it represents something in between, ambivalent feelings. the writing in yellow comes back and so does the chorus (look at how much i tried to apologize and make them stop). it feels to me like that's muu taking back the mic like HEY, listen up, you saw this right. in conclusion. here it is again: look at how innocent i am! look at how much i've suffered! and thus naturally it cuts to a hourglass scene immediately after.

nonetheless, the writing in yellow says... "でもたぶん" ("but maybe...") which is intriguing.

haven't mentioned this before but obviously muu herself is a mix of warm and cold colors, aka pink (her uniforms highlights, the sleeves and tie + her hair) and green (her eyes, with a highlight of lime/yellow...) then we're back in the classroom and once again the orange light = guilt isn't hitting her directly.

and the colors picked in the LINE chat with the others areee.... naturally, green for her, pink for the others... yellow for the whole background, just as yellow encompasses the entire MV as her true feelings on the matter.

title screen in yellow then flashes yet again, followed AGAIN by the hourglass scene (muu repeating, just like in her drama CD: "yeah, here's my whole story, and i'm innocent!")

the writing in yellow says "ねえもしも" ("hey, tell me...")

the writing in yellow flashes for the FOURTH TIME and this is the most interesting instance: "それなのに" ("even so...")

this shot is doused in orange/warmer yellow on the bullies' side and in the background too. super self-explanatory really

the orange light of guilty is still not hitting muu. meanwhile on her lap...

on the left, the bullies' stockings are blue, but they have a orange hue to them. the rest of the objects here in cold tones are all related to muu or touching her. the picture on her phone is split between yellow and blue. like the blame and innocence was, back then, even/balanced in the sense of peace and quiet, or perhaps just hidden in the background before it jumped out?

she's hit by the orange light here and please look at how the bucket is not blue at all and the floor below her is more yellow. Girl A is the one to open the door, so i think this might show Girl A's POV in relation to muu. not perceiving her innocence.

Girl A's eyes here are green and yellow, so to some extent innocent but guilty in a way that is justified in muu's mind? which is why muu reaches out to her. thus here's my theory on what happened with her : muu confessed, yes. however, the girl didn't out her. especially bcse the blackboard doesn't have any mention of muu liking girls (going by the TL previously shared at least). she just started avoiding muu. given the lyrics here: Girl A used muu's attitude concerning other matters as justification for avoiding her, which kickstarted the bullying. hence "the stabbing of the little devil's voice" which references something Girl A said about her attitude, prompting the rest of their friend group to see muu in a negative light so as to side with her. (since muu's planned counterattack to what Girl A said is a suicide note, it can only be Girl A that's the "devil". the cause.)

also please note how the light is only HALF hitting the background. she's to blame, but not entirely. not yet. besides her eyes are a different shade of green than muu's: darker, far from lime. clearly just green + yellow highlight, without the blatant "innocent" of the lighter lime. entirely ambivalent!

in this shot, the light is deserting muu's eyes. no lime green or yellow here. she just has dead eyes, resembling Girl A's eyes at the end of the video. this is muu telling us that this was her last chance not to become a corpse.

then muu reaches out to the one person she could ask for help. the one person who could have cleared any misunderstanding and possibly stopped this. she's running and everything is soooo yellow and orange. EXCEPT for the bushes which are green, a firm line (literal lines!) that allude to the possibility that Girl A might change her behavior. "perhaps she'll realized she crossed the line/know where the line is and walk off this path."

however, muu steps into the light here. she's been hit by the window's light even if we can't see it, as seen by her shadow. hence, she's already guilty, it's just out of frame (she doesn't realize/know it yet.) still, note that the light hitting her is not orange but ONLY YELLOW. less guilty than the others! but the school? orange. guilty place. guilty people

Girl A is still framed by green stuff. she has a possibility of being innocent, of being forgiven by muu, but the path she's walking is orange, clearly.

we see a tiny hourglass fall off, a timid reminder from muu "i know what you're about to see, just remember i'm not to blame." and then muu reaches Girl A and the background is just SO yellow and orange for the both of them. but notice something? on muu's side the background is more yellow. on Girl A's side it gets darker, more orange.

Girl A doesn't respond for a moment and her eyes are still green and yellow! muu has hope that she might still change for the better and forgive her! see that muu's innocent!

but nope! she rejects muu! and we get this deep orange!!! NOTHING like the yellow in the background earlier! this is the last straw for muu!

contrasting with the green of muu's hourglass breaking as she hits her limit:

yellow, vengeful fire burning next to muu. it's practically shimmering as she stabs Girl A. it's so light it's almost white.

Girl A's eyes have turned orange bcse in that moment in muu's mind SHE is the guilty one. she deserves this.

while in contrast, even if the background behind muu's very orange... her eyes are glowing lime/yellow.

i hit picture limit so this is part 1! (reblogging this to add more. here is the full post with part 2 as well)

[fluffykitty1999-blog]

Dog of the Military- Chapter 4

Poppa Roy is a' comin'! And don't worry- daddy bear will be plenty angry!

"Wakey wakey, Fullmetal prodigy."

Ed peeled his eyes open from where he laid on the dirt floor. Colonel Banks stood before him, grinning like the cheshire cat.

"You've been asleep for far too long. You have that information- I know you do. I'm only going to ask this once- where is it?"

Ed was silent.

All that earned him was a kick to the ribs. And another. And another. All Ed managed was a pained groan as he tried to curl into himself, trying to protect his abdomen from the savage blows.

"You're such a runt. I think I'm finally starting to get through to you, kid." Banks beamed as Ed struggled to catch his breath.

"I like your spirit, Fullmetal. And I know you have that information somewhere- so I'm going to ask for it one more time before I start to take your body apart and look for it."

Ed looked up, suddenly feeling wide awake.

Colonel Banks laughed. "I know people are mules, Ed. I might be a strict disciplinarian, but I'm not a pervert. I don't want to violate you if I don't have to. Tell me where the information is, and I won't have to bother with checking you... all of you- for information."

Ed swallowed. Was... was he threatening to rape him? Or just... invade him? He was too tired to think. But he needed to lie. And fast.

"T-there is no physical information." he managed hoarsely. "I-it's too important to be kept as physical documents. I memorized it and burned it in the woods."

He couldn't let the man start to search him- violate his body or person otherwise. He wasn't sure how much Banks knew about automail, but if he were to start taking it apart, he'd have to practically dismantle Ed's automail arm to find the compartment, which was behind two panels and deep within his automail. Still, he didn't want to man to bother to look.

"You're a bad liar, Edward. I know your orders. You have a copy of the information."

Ed frowned. His head was so foggy, it took too long to think... but in his gut, he felt the man was lying. The only one who knew his orders was him and Mustang, and the superior who gave the orders... So Banks was bluffing.

"You're the liar." he managed hoarsely. "You don't know what my orders are. If you kill me, the information dies with me- I memorized it." best to double down.

Banks nodded, seeming to take this into consideration.

"So- if I were to give you paper and a pen, you'd transcribe the information from memory?"

"I could. But I wouldn't. Not for you."

"And we're back to the same problem, Eddy."

The toe of Bank's boot made contact with Ed's eye. Ed saw white and was unable to hear a thing for a moment.

When his hearing faded back in, Banks was rambling something about obedience, and he'd rolled Edward onto his stomach and was tugging at the boy's shirt, which was still slightly damp from his ice water treatment earlier, before Ed felt a blade biting into his flesh.

"What the hell are you doing you jerk!?" Ed started to struggle

The knife cut deeper, and Ed fell still, gasping in pain. The blade trailed another two inches down his back before it was withdrawn. But all too soon, he was feeling the bite again as another slice was made down his back, this one four inches long, and another, this one six inches long...

"Oh Fullmetal, don't pass out on me now..."

Ed groaned.

Instead of going slow, the next cut- on the bicep of his flesh arm- was lightening fast. One moment he was catching his breath, and the next his arm was on fire, flesh suddenly split open and blood leaking out...

He grabbed for the wound with his automail arm, pressing the metal fingers to the cut- which was deep enough it might need stitches- and hissed in pain.

"Think about what you want to do, Edward. Because the next time I come down here, I'm gonna start cutting off fingers."

And he was left alone in the cell again.

Ed grit his teeth and closed his eyes, which were stinging with unshed tears. Maybe Banks was right. Maybe no one was coming for him.

LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK LINEBREAK

At noon, Roy Mustang got off the train at the city of Goldenfield. Part of him was annoyed to have to come all this way- to a backwater mining town in the middle of nowhere- but the majority of him was angry. Angry at Fullmetal, for not reporting in, and angry at whatever was keeping him.

Angry at the higher ups, for giving such a sensitive mission to a child.

And worried that whatever it was Ed had gotten himself into- it'd been too much, too hard- and that Roy might've been too late.

He started for Fort Goldenfield. That was the first place he knew to go. They'd said Ed returned yesterday, but then said he hadn't this morning, and every moment counted.

He stormed into the building, ignoring the wide-eyed look the secretary- Lieutenant Margaret Shaw, he assumed- who looked up from her desk at his entrance.

"I need to speak to Colonel Banks immediately."

The secretary was on her feet instantly. "Do you have an appointment, Sir?"

"No, I don't have a damn appointment. Do you know who I am?" Roy stepped forward. He might've been being unnecessarily harsh- but at the moment, he was too incensed to care.

"I'm afraid I don't know you, Sir." the lieutenant, ever respectful, conceded.

"I am Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist."

Her eyes widened.

"I've come here looking for my alchemist- Major Edward Elric. Yesterday morning, you told me he checked in here for the rendezvous, with highly sensitive information. This morning, Colonel Banks said he never reported in. Someone is full of shit here and a state alchemist is missing. I want you to get your commanding officer out here in two minutes or I will burn this entire damn building to the ground, stone or not. Are we clear Lieutenant?"

"Crystal, Sir." Still, Margaret hesitated before moving.

"What are you waiting for?" Roy asked, annoyed.

Margaret swallowed. "I... I can show you where he is..."

Roy's expression instantly changed. "You've seen him?"

Margaret nodded. "Just.. please... make sure Colonel Banks doesn't know I was the one who did. That boy needs a doctor..."

She led Roy quickly down the hall, looking around anxiously as she did so. She opened a door leading to a stone stairwell, towards some sort of basement. "He's down there."

Roy frowned. "Is this a trap?"

"No. I... I heard him down there last night... I never wanted this to happen, believe me. I have children myself. I couldn't stand it- I tried to help him... but Colonel Banks needs that intel. He said it was of the utmost importance."

Roy wanted to ask more questions- but there was a scuffling sound, a muffled noise from downstairs, and Roy forgot about Margaret entirely, heading down into the darkness of the basement apprehensively.

All the cells were empty- until he got to the last cell. Through the dim metal bars, a small form was huddled on the floor.

Roy's heart jumped to his throat. He was already wearing his gloves, and he snapped- lighting the torches on the wall of the basement. The light did little to ease his fears.

Fullmetal laid on the floor, huddled into a ball- he was so small.

"Fullmetal...?" he didn't recognize his own voice, it was so soft.

Slowly, the figure raised it's head. Messy, dirty blond hair fell over the boy's face, and golden eyes focused in on him slowly.

"Colonel Mustang?" Ed's voice was painfully hoarse. "Is that really you?"

Roy stepped forward, grabbing the bars and crouching down so he was more at eye level with the boy. "Yes, it's me, Edward. Are you alright?"

It was a stupid question. The back of Ed's white shirt was bloody, he sported a black eye and a split lip, and he'd made no move to stand.

"I... I want to go home..." Ed's voice shook slightly.

"I've come to take you home, Ed. But I need to know- who did this to you?"

"Colonel Banks. He... he's crazy. He wanted the information I got. He wanted to take it and take all the credit for it. I wouldn't give it to him. He... he tried to make me talk. But it's okay. I didn't tell him anything, I swear..."

"I believe you, Fullmetal. It's okay. You've done well. I'll be back in a moment- I need to get the keys to this cell and then we'll leave here immediately."

"Okay. I'll wait here." it would've been comical, as Ed laid his head back down in his little heap and made no move to get up. Roy couldn't help but wonder how badly injured the boy was.

He climbed the stairs two at a time, fist clenching and unclenching at the thought of confronting the bastard who'd done this to the Fullmetal Alchemist- to his Alchemist. He never took kindly to someone messing with his subordinates, but somehow, this injury was more flagrant, more egregious, because it hadn't been just anyone they'd attacked- it'd been Ed, Roy's youngest charge, the prodigy he'd been responsible for for these past few months.

Once he'd reached the top of the stairs, a man burst into the room.

"You!" Brown eyes blazing, the man pointed at Mustang angrily. "You break into my military office, violate the chain of command and force my Lieutenant to take you into a classified operation of national security..."

"Are you Colonel Banks?" Roy growled at the shouting man.

"You bet your ass I am! Who the hell are you!?"

Roy punched that bastard in the jaw so hard he was pretty sure he broke one of his fingers.

The man staggered back, surprised, as he pressed his fingers to his mouth and they came back bloody.

He charged Roy, swinging- Roy ducked the blow, pushing the man against the wall and kneeing him in the midsection, delivering another punch to the face.

Colonel Banks landed a lucky shot on Roy's jaw that sent him stumbling back, then shoved Mustang away. Mustang stumbled back several steps, and Colonel Banks drew his pistol and pointed it at Roy.

Roy still had his gloves on. It took one small snap of his fingers for the gun to be engulfed in a small burst of flame- even though the gun went off from the flame, the barrel was instantaneously melted shut, and the barrel exploded.

Colonel Banks screamed, dropping the destroyed weapon and clutching his injured hand, staring at Roy in shock and horror.

"What the fuck did you just do!? Who are you?"

Roy hadn't had someone fear him like that in a long time. And yet somehow, he enjoyed hearing the terror in the man's voice as he looked at him. He wondered if Ed had looked at the man like that when he'd been beaten.

"Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist. You just tortured Edward Elric, a state alchemist; a crime you will pay for in court."

"That's bullshit! I outrank the kid, he disobeyed my direct order to hand over the intel! It was a matter of national security!"

"You'd best pray the court martial sees it that way. I don't take very kindly to people hurting my subordinates." Roy said gruffly, narrowing his eyes. "Give me the keys to the cell, now, or I burn you alive and take them anyways."

Banks frowned, fumbling with his one good hand to free a set of keys from his belt. He tossed it to Mustang.

"You trained the brat pretty damn well. I didn't think you'd care enough to come for him. But you'd have been so proud of him- I've broken men three times his age in half the time. It took forever to even make the brat scream. But he'd just repeat his name and rank over and over again. Such a well-trained little dog. 'I report to Roy Mustang, General Gruman, and the Furher himself.'. That's all the runt would say. Wish I could've had him under my thumb. Brat's stupidly loyal."

Roy frowned. All of this pain could've been avoided if Ed had just given his report to Colonel Banks instead of him. Ed ahd said the man wanted information. And Roy had a sinking feeling that Ed- loyal to a fault had taken the brunt of his injuries on Mustang's behalf.

Either way, Roy didn't have the time to question it. He looked at the keys in his hand and headed for the stairs. "If you're still in this room when I come back with Ed, I'll burn you alive." he said over his shoulder.

He heard hurried footsteps as Colonel Banks, coward that he was, retreated.

Roy exhaled through his nose, heading downstairs, keys in hand.

As Roy strode back to the makeshift prison of sorts, he was surprised to find Ed on his feet, hanging onto the bars.

"You can walk?"

"Yeah." Ed grunted.

Roy unlocked the door and Ed stepped out- he was moving rather gingerly, but he was walking under his own power. That was something.

They left the Fort, stepping into the sunlight. It was in the afternoon, and Roy headed towards the town inn, Ed falling into step beside him.

"This isn't the train station." Ed groused, looking over at Roy as they came to the front door of the inn.

"Perceptive, aren't we." Roy teased.

Ed frowned. "You said we were going home."

"We are. First train in the morning. I have some calls to make tonight." Honestly, Roy didn't think Ed would be comfortable sitting on a train for four hours back to Central City tonight anyways. The boy looked as though he could use a rest. And he wanted to ascertain how serious the boy's injuries were before he decided his next move.

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