#the amount of research I'm doing rn is actually crazy

[sgt-tombstone]

I'm very quickly realizing why they didn't give the 141 a medic...

[thisismyname43]

So I decided to do more research on Tsunderes...

As someone who really likes SMG3 (and is also an active SMG34 shipper) I wanted to see if SMG4 was onto something when calling SMG3 a Tsundere.

Immediately this reminded me of IGBP. You know at the end where everyone is standing next to the pit and SMG4 says, "Nah I'd do anything to not lose my friends". SMG3's reaction was EXACTLY this. "I'm not your friend, baka!". But instead of buying SMG4 lunch, SMG3 risked his life and safety for him, knowing full well he could die he still went to save SMG4 because he loves him. How would you risk your life to save someone elses and NOT love them? And even after all of that SMG3 still denies the implication that he even slightly likes SMG4 to "save face".

Okay guys the amount of times SMG3 has called SMG4 "baka" is insane. And remember, he only calls SMG4 that. SMG3 is constantly annoying SMG4, which causes problems in their relationship just like how the image says. This specifically reminds me of the episode "Christmas Wars" when SMG3 mocked SMG4 saying, "Aw are you a little mad I took all your friends?" trying to hit him where it hurts. SMG3 tries to make it seem like he hates SMG4 by saying these mean things to him even if he actually doesn't.

This right here is very SMG3 core. He is always talking about how much better he is than SMG4, going extreme lengths to try and prove it. (Personally I think this is to help him ignore his feelings of low self worth but that's not what we're talking about rn). SMG3 makes it seem like he firmly believes he is above SMG4 in every way even if evidence says otherwise. This causes him to put SMG4 down to make SMG3 feel better about himself. I also think in some cases SMG3 says these things to try and convince himself that he actually dislikes SMG4 (he doesn't).

THIS RIGHT HERE. This is EXACTLY how SMG3's character has progressed with SMG4. SMG3 hated SMG4 with a passion back a couple of years ago. Even trying to destroy him and his friends while taking over his channel. But after some time you'll see SMG3 getting less murderous and more chill when it comes to SMG4. It got to the point where now they're pretty damn casual with each other, frequently asking for favors and even hanging out. This is a huge change and improvement to SMG3's overall attitude and can be perfectly summarized in this image here.

So overall, what does this tell us?

Final thoughts:

SMG3 is definitely a Tsundere and SMG4 is 100% his love interest. The overwhelming amount of evidence is crazy, if SMG3 really is a Tsundere there is absolutely NO way SMG4 ISN'T his love interest.

My mind is not being changed 👍

[that-girl-glader]

You know what's crazy? I have never once EVER considered that I had OCD. And I'm still not convinced I do at all. And I am neurodivergent. So ik symptoms overlap sometimes right? But I didn't realise till today that I have never once researched OCD. Never. And I actually know so little about it. But there are times when I look at myself, and I'm like this feels like it might be a symptom, but like it doesn't affect my daily life. But now I thought a little more, and I just considered that maybe it does.

Yet, I also get anxious and paranoid sometimes, and I always just think that's anxiety. That I'm just anxious or worried. And maybe it is just that. But I need an OCD perspective. (Keep in mind that I live in a country with like no mental health professionals where like there is stigma for mental health. And my family aren't like people who believe in that stuff. I also don't want a diagnosis or assurance of everything. I am an undiagnosed neurodivergent person, and for now I'm okay with that.I'm just curious to understand this topic better.)

Can OCD look like:

Maybe in your life you have like a set of cups right. One green thin cup may have been dirty once years ago. Or something happened years ago that you don't even remember. But now you never use those cups because you get "bad vibes" and only ever use the purple ones or any other cup but all the green thin ones.

You're anxious/scared of your future life and you have no control. The only thing that makes you feel a bit better temporarily is like taking BuzzFeed/uquiz/online quizzes that tell you what your future life will be. What initial you'll end up with. Any predicting crap.

You think things like "if I play my spotify liked songs and the first song is heather by Conan gray, I will marry my crush" "If my dad says the word gumball then so and so will live to be 98" "if I met my soulmate today I will see the word lavender".

Your brain constantly going "what I'd you die" "What if you exploded" "what if so and such is a lie" "what if you jumped in front of a bus" "what if you end up in a horror movie rn" "what if you are dying and you don't know it"

You know clear as day that your friend of 1 year is named Alicia, but when it's their birthday you have to check 33 times that that is actually their actual name and that their name wasn't like Dina or something when you wanna write their name.

You blow on dandelions, search for four leafed clovers, not step on cracks for some reason even though you do not believe it'll break your mamas back. All just for a little sense of luck and for something you wish for to be true or you just get bad vibes from doing certain things.

This one feels a little more wrong to me, but like you constantly ask God for reassurance about your future through maybe dreams or like a word or something.

Rarely but sometimes if you have a bracelet you just count if the amount of beads minus like the word needs are an even number and if you can put like 8 beads each on a side.

Obviously you also have intrusive thoughts that you yourself do NOT believe, but you feel ashamed by some of them. Like you love someone to pieces, but your brain goes "they're annoying when *insert an unfixable neurodivergent trait*" and like NOOO you don't believe that but now you feel bad. Or like you have like thoughts of like kissing someone else or not loving them anymore or like hurting them with your nails somehow in like a good 60% of times when you think of them. And sometimes your intrusive thoughts are like incest, racism, ableism, or stuff like that. And NOOO you don't want to take part in any of that at all, but it HAUNTS you DISGUSTS you and makes you feel a little like shit.

You always push in your chair and your friend chair after class and if you see other chairs....you FIGHT the urge not to push in those chairs too and live.

You always use certain bathroom stalls and if it's taken you have a back up bathroom stall you use.

Self-degrading voices and inner thoughts. Like "you are a horrible person" "everyone is better than you" "everyone can do this better than you WHY can't you??"(In like a social situation like group convos or like being of more help to someone you love with their mental health) "When it's you who is neurodivergent, gay, a certain body shape and whatever it's like wrong but when others do it it's okay".

Now, this are like examples of how my brain works. And I just wanted to see if it was familiar to the OCD community outta innocent curiosity. And I'm NOT looking for a diagnosis at all. I just want some perspective. Because I never considered that OCD was more than just intrusive thoughts, repetitive behaviour, perfection tendencies, and superstition at severe levels. Like I did have an idea that it was more than all the stereotypes. I just never looked into it more. I do want to understand it better. And like yk see through all the stigma. And Ik a few or maybe even all of the stuff I listed are probably not even OCD at all...I just want to know what y'all have to say about it.

[tiny-vermin]

thank u @fireryn for the tag, this will be the one thing i accomplish today!

Last song/piece I listened to: as i'm writing this, its just like you imagined by nine inch nails. i'm going through a phase rn and they r all i can listen to, in addition to rounds of hoziers discography.

Last book I read: hate to say it but i only read non-fiction books for fun research purposes now, i think the last one i read in the library is some book on the history of animation, i really should have wrote the name down but i forgot. if fanfiction counts i just read man to man by leukozyna.

Last film I watched: la haine, think its a classic french film? i got a mubi account and was intrigued so i watched it. NO . no no last film was DUNE 2. we watched it in imax and it was so awesome,, when timmy was riding the worm i thought i was going to die. actually i cant remember, but im pretty sure i watched dune after la haine. either or.

Last TV series: doctor who rewatch in progress... for david tennant.. very embarrassing of me.... i didnt even watch the seasons without him. i suffer from "actually do not gaf about scifi but will watch this one thing for this one guy"

Last thing I googled: besides the usual social medias and ao3, its robert valley's wikipedia page. i had to check the names of his projects, and i love his work!

Last thing I ate: rice and stingray 😋

Sweet, savory, or spicy: currently im craving some chocolate cake, so sweet i guess.

Amount of sleep:  unemployed amounts of sleep (like 7 to 8h?? im living the life tbh) this will probably change once i go into school HAHA

Currently reading: ouh... erms..... i have several art books in rotation, im meaning to finish trees in art by charles watkins, one of art in catholicism, vision by hans p bachar (i recently learned that he taught at one of the local schools here which is crazy???), think those are the main ones.

i will tag : @trisloshr, u know what im tired of this if ur my mutual and u think this is fun u should do it . im tagging all of u. just ESPECIALLY u, LIL

[theoculus124]

Okay first of all just wanted to say... you're an incredible person and the way you stick up for your friends is awesome.

Second of all, I think I'm autistic.

I saw a post once, saying that it stars with relating to memes, then doing some more research, and I've figured out that some of the things I do and feel aren't the same as the things others would.

I didn't know what stimming was for a while, but I stim all the time, and I can recognise it now. I didn't know what sensory issues were, until I realised that most people don't hate water on their skin, and most people don't like things just for their weight on my hands. Most people aren't uncomfortable with dealing with others feelings, but cause of masking I've somehow become the therapist friends and have been mentally and emotionally exhausted because of it.

Sorry to dump this on you, but everything I do makes so much more sense now, even if I doubt I'll ever be diagnosed.

Also is stuff like this disrespectful, I always worry that I'm not rlly autistic and I'm just making it up and it's offensive to people who actually struggle with it.

Once again apologies for the dump, and thanks for reading all this if you did..

First of all, tysm I love each and every one of u so it upsets me alot when someone is mean to u guys cause ur all so lovely <333

you're not being disrespectful and welcome to the community <3 Always remember that self diagnosis is so valid cause of the bias against AFAB people and people of colour and the amount of money spent (like it's stupid amounts) -> to anyone else who's also reading this SELF DIAGNOSIS IS JUST AS VALID U ARE NOT LESS AUTISTIC U ARE APART OF THE ND FAMILY ALWAYS

Also no need to apologise at all and you can talk to me anytime

Icl I did have a suspicion you were one of us.. then again I feel like alot of the people who follow my tumblr is (Just like the gays us NDs find each other online and offline)

Also I know it's very hard but don't feel like you're a bad friend for setting boundaries (For example before I emotionally dump I just quickly ask "do u have the capacity to deal with this rn" and if they say yes I'll continue if no then I won't and let them rest) I know it's hard cause it feels like denying your friends but trust me you need to prioritise your mental health over anything <3

Also once you find out your autistic you'll find little things in your life which points to autism and it helps you understand yourself more it's crazy cause you're like "how did I never notice this" and terrifying at the same time, but you got this and we're all here for u no matter what <33

I hope this helps, and have a fantastic day and take all the self care u need <33

[24hourmess]

things i wanna know about my fellow writers

i'll tag my friends @fractured-nightsky @squarelyblue but there's no pressure (and others can piggyback off this too im not a cop)

hi im finally getting around to this--

Last Book I Read: i believeee it was The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa! i'd give it a 4/5, excellent and terrifying premise that slowly broke my heart. easy read! the ending left me with a lot of questions (not necessarily a bad thing) Greatest Literary Inspirations: can i just share my ao3 bookmarks?--for "official" authors... i would say George R.R. Martin, Kurt Vonnegut, and... i'm not really sure! i havent regularly read since i had to. kinda embarrassed about my answer here--

Things in My Current Fandom I Want to Read but I Don't Want to Write: well tbh i very rarely want to write over read, but us writers make do--BUT real answer: i very much prefer to read smut than write it. i struggle a lot with writing what's sexy and what's practical. so i'll read smut all day but writing it will take me forever--

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: well im actually getting back into the uncharted fandom, which i know is not popular rn, soooo writing anything for that fandom isn't going to get me a crazy amount of kudos on ao3, but who care. these are my passion projects!! and for like bg3, which im edging out of, i'd want to bloat it up with rolan and raphael fic, but im not crazy abt sharing that w those fans.

You can recognize my writing by: really abrupt scene transitions and lack of scene descriptions. writing is all about dialogue and the characters for me, so i dont spare much about the scenery or how they get there. i am trying to improve it but... i gotta write what's fun and not sweat too much. that's an editor's job

My most controversial take (current fandom): for uncharted uhhh i think a lot of people just. dont quite grasp rafe's character and it annoys me! same thing w daniil from pathologic, raphael from bg3, and characters that follow those same tropes

My top three favorite tropes: slowburn, hurt/comfort, and pining!! slowburn is especially my favorite >:)

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): i've been feeling at an 8! i'm not exactly churning out writing like i want, but i've been steadily working everyday on research and at least getting a couple hundred words out. i hope it stays this way, bc im feeling ambitious!!

Share a random frustration: getting back into uncharted means i wanna travel SO bad rn. but idk where i'd wanna go. there's just so many beautiful places in the world!

[nymphaestus]

okay so this is a bit of a rant and weird for me to be voicing actual thoughts on here (maybe i'll delete) but i felt like getting this out.

i just got back home from my bfs place (which is two hours away) today, and i've had several epiphanies. it's actually crazy how healing it is for me being there versus how energetically drained and overwhelmed i feel at home. and currently, i feel so ashamed of how i let that affect my worship and everyday practice.

i spent roughly two weeks there (uni is on strike rn and i work remotely so i admit i took that opportunity to flee lol) and during all of that i felt so spiritually connected all the time, had time to research things in my practice that i've been putting on hold for very long, reignited my burning love for this path and made me want to put more effort into it. in a way, reviving this blog was part of that start, since it's really the only way i can connect to a community that does what i do and understands my beliefs. also you guys are just very neat. just scrolling here makes my heart melt completely. it's beautiful to see.

i really want to get closer to my deities and restart my worship the right way. because a long time ago, for a number of reasons, i paused everything. and since then i've been non-practicing/low effort and subtly researching, but now i feel like i've neglected them for far too long. i've also been scared to even attempt to climb out of this hole i've dug myself into. it became a vicious cycle and it's ridiculous.

but these last two weeks were just so peaceful. so quiet. i longed for that. in the quiet i found myself listening to them again. i finally felt like i had the space to go into myself and face a part of me i had completely ignored! so it doesn't help that the minute i get back home, i'm bombarded with chaos!! and not the good kind lol!! i understand some things aren't all my family's fault, sometimes things just happen. it's also my job as part of it to help them through it, they're family. i get it. i love them. but fuck it's so draining. like i need to move out. i got back TODAY and the amount of craziness i had to deal with?? i beg of yall to be less messy cause i cannot handle this anymore.

i'm making it my mission now to absorb as much knowledge as i can, set aside some time to figure out what i want to do in my practice, then actually do something with it!! to really put effort into deity work, because if just thinking about the theoi moves me to tears, i cannot imagine how life would be if i were to put my whole heart into them.

i think this is also a reminder for me that it's okay to feel drained but don't settle into that energy. don't lose yourself. it's rough but it'll get better! cleanse your space. take care of yourself. do something. anything!!! you're a big girl. get moving!!!

[ovaryacted]

Hiii Niccc, what are you up to? How are you doing pookiee? ❤️❤️❤️

I've been stressed and busy af for a few weeks now and I haven't really been on Tumblr, so now I'm binge reading your posts I missed :3

And how are those fics coming along? This is not to pressure you, just checking in, since you were saying a particular project was kicking your butt if I remember correctly?

I hope you're doing good, sending writing inspo and lots of hugs and kisses mwah ❤️✨✨

-🌑

Omg hey there babes, I missed you. Hope you’re doing okay despite being stressed out and taking care of yourself regardless. Tumblr breaks suck sometimes but in terms of my posts, nothing major so you’re not missing out on anything.

I’m sort of in the same spot, been really busy in my personal life since I’m prepping to apply to law school in the fall (idk who told me to do it but here I am lmao). I’m just doing research on how to organize the application and I’m about to start studying for the big legal entrance exam in the summer, and just calculating the amount of money I need for everything (cause you need to pay for each application depending on the school plus tutoring plus everything else). Lots of adulting shit so that’s not fun, and this week has been very taxing emotionally and physically cause of something in my family which made my anxiety spike so bad to the point of losing my appetite and not being able to sleep. I’m barely managing but I’ll live at the end of the day.

As for my writing, I’m still working on the first chapter of my DI! Leon series, it’s actually done and needs some more editing but I’m debating if I should extend it or keep what I want to add into the second chapter afterwards (it’s at 4k words rn give or take). I’m going to have someone beta read it so I don’t seem crazy or like it’s boring. I’m kinda scared to post it since it’s a passion project, but I’m just hoping it’s received well is all.

I appreciate you checking up on me, I hope to feed you with something soon if my brain allows me cause I’m fighting exhaustion rn at my work desk lolz. 🩷

[insanelycooljk]

once my exams are over and I actually have free time to write it’s content for you bitches!!

[forbidding-souda]

May I request some headcanons of Kazuichi, Miu, Chihiro & Kiibo with a s/o who is a cyborg Pls ? ^^ - 🐺

Kazuichi Souda, Miu Iruma, Chihiro Fujisaki and Kiibo with a S/O who's a cyborg

chocolate cake asmr

i'm watching downloading nancy rn and this movie everyone talks as if it is a dub but it's like no that's their actual voices "a haunting fact-based drama about an emotionally damaged woman who leaves her 15-year marriage and connects with a deeply disturbed man online." oh you mean me? WAIT I MADE THAT JOKE BC IT JUST GENERALLY SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I'D DO BUT I DID EXIT A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP AND THEN GO TO AN ONLINE ONE LMAOO

oh my god this movie is crazy LMAOOSNO mE AND ASA EMORY BAHABHA this movie is fcucking ballisitci

-Mod Souda

Kazuichi Souda

❤ "Do you have an engine?" He asks for the third time, forgetting he's ever asked the question before.

❤ "I do not have an engine, babe."

❤ He likes to probe your body, wondering what parts are similar to those of cars, wondering if he can understand any of your programming or your mechanics. The slabs of metal that cover your body make it hard for him to see your innards, and it's not as if he's going to peel you apart, so he's content with poking and probing until the end of time.

❤ He loves holding your hand. When he first grabs it, the metal is cold, but it warms with his heat.

❤ He likes the flesh of your face. The small parts that resemble humanity. He can hold it, feel the goosebumps on your skin, your pores and your sweat. Kiss your soft lips.

❤ You have this terrible habit of spoiling movies for him. The two of you will watch a movie, and you've already looked it up and read the reviews in your minds eyes.

❤ He'll see birds on the street, talk about how cute they are, and you've already researched the species. There's no wonder when he's with you, which isn't inherently a bad thing.

.

Miu Iruma

❤ She forces you to dance with her all the time. Whether it's in private, or with her classmates, once there is music on then it's the start of the world.

❤ You didn't really understand how to dance. Not at first. But the amount of times she's grabbed your hands and forced you into swaying as deemed you a quick learner.

❤ When she sleeps on top of you, you turn on your body heater. And then you get all warm and cozy for her. You wonder if she realizes you're even doing it.

❤ She constantly asks about your sexual 'organs' and if you have any. She offers to make you some.

❤ Sometimes, when you're sleeping, you'll wake up to find she has messed with your programming. You can almost never figure out what she has done, but it's definitely something. You doubt she'd go messing around without a cause.

❤ Maybe that's why you've gotten better at dancing?

.

Chihiro Fujisaki

❤ He loves connecting you to his computer and looking at all your internal wiring. He will sit there for hours, sitting on your lap while he reads through the codes.

❤ Does he try to change anything? Not at all.

❤ And it takes such a level of trust for you to even allow him to poke through you. But he's so kind, so genuine and so sincere that you doubt he would even harm you on accident.

❤ You pick him up and carry him almost every day. Whether it's to the bathroom or to a nearby park, you always make sure he's moving around.

❤ "Come on, I'm gonna rust." You always say.

❤ Sometimes while you're powered off, he will curl up next to you with his computer and just sit there. He likes your presence - though sometimes it's a bit uncanny. You just... motionless and off. Kinda scary.

❤ He can't wear a lot of certain jewelry because parts of you are literally magnetic. Sometimes you'll even stick to the top of his laptop.

.

Kiibo

❤ He is jealous of your strength. Why do you get to be all powerful while he doesn't? It's embarrassing for him - watching you carry around all of his classmates.

❤ You hold more slabs of metal than his body would even be able to handle. Though, your face is squishy in a way his isn't, and he likes to poke you and tease you because of this.

❤ He also does not like sleeping next to you. Something about the way your body clash together, often sticking in a magnetic way, the way it pinches and groans.

❤ Though, holding hands feel powerful. You both share the same beam rod, and pressing them together it like asking for disaster. He likes the thrill.

❤ He wonders if the two of you will ever ignite each other. Sometimes, when you fuck with him him, you'll press the button on his back to spread his wings before running away. He can't even chase you - his wing span is longer than the doorway.

[whaleofatjme1920]

I dated a Leo man, and he was horrible. Be always started fights. Acted like a child and could never Apologize, after we broke up he really hurt me and after a few months past he came back and after I confronted him about all the shitty things he did and he begrudgingly gave me an Apology and then made me apologize for "making him sad"

I witnessed someone else date a Leo man and they had a fight, and her man, changed his Instagram completely, removed his pfp, changed his to bio to "I'm sorry I'm not good enough " removed all of his pics and stories. And changed his user name to "sorryimnotgoodenough.exe". Posted a ask box to story saying, "I'm going through it rn pls cheer me up"

The fight him and his girl had was over where they were gonna go for their next date and he did all that

She also was horrible but not to that extent, she's a cancer who was actually horrible, she always played victim and lied to people about others and made everything about her whole making them look bad, she was addicted to drugs and vaping. And she was the most self centered person I have ever met. She also believed that she was a princess in her past life and only became a witch bc it was trendy on tik tok, and she charged people 20 dollars and up for tarot readings, even tho she only practiced reading cards for like 2 months.

She also thought she was goth bc it was tendy on tik to, and she had BITCH FITS so big when you'd call her out bc she didn't follow the music or the scene. She also hated e girls so much even tho she was one

That sounds absolutely crazy tbh. I've actually never met a Leo man, but plenty of Leo enbys and women. They've all been super pleasant, and I'd actually hesitate to say I dislike any sign. Hm, maybe Pisces? I don't have the *best* feelings towards Pisces. Tauruses (despite,,, tw of my best friends being,,, Tauruses,,,,,) or Geminis suns. But, for the rest, it's mostly good!

The second part of your post really is off the wall tbh. That's,,,,,, that's certainly something! There's honestly only a certain amount astrology actually plays into someone's character but I refuse to believe all cancers are like this. She just sounds straight awful. For the tarot thing, i find most of witchtok is like that. A lot of people mix up the witch aesthetic and the actual practice, never do any research, and mingle in practices they shouldn't be involved with which is DANGEROUS. On the whole "past life" thing, I find waaay too many people make their past lives too wattpad MC energy. "i was a death high priestess for Nepthys!!" no you weren't, not all 17K of you.

I do agree with her on not liking e girls. I do not like e girls. I will elaborate if needed but generally, i do not like e girls. But the hypocrisy doesn't vibe!!

[albatris]

Hello! I think it was you I saw a post about making more realistic characters with psychosis (I think that's the right word?), and I was wondering if you have any guidelines or help saved for what to do and not to do with them? Because I'm making a new character right now and it sounds like psychosis might fit with them so I want to see if I could make it work :) thank you so much for any help or nudges towards help that you can give! I hope you have a wonderful day!

Hello! Aha yeah that was probably me, or if it wasn’t me that particular time you’re thinking of, it absolutely has been me at some point or another, I’m definitely not quiet about how much I’m on the lookout for realistic psychosis rep. And I’m super happy you’re looking into it! We definitely need more of it! Much excitement on my end over here and good luck with your character-creating and research! I hope you’re having a wonderful day too!!

OK LONG POST

So firstly I wanna emphasise that “psychosis” itself is a super broad label that encompasses a lot of different symptoms and experiences! And that there are many different psychotic disorders. In terms of psychosis symptoms, most commonly people think of hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. And while you can have a character whose psychosis is limited to those things, because any array and combination of symptoms is possible, this isn’t the case for many psychotic people! There are a lot of other common facets of psychosis that exist that are hardly ever addressed in fiction (and are specific criteria for certain psychotic disorders). I will talk about some of these in one of my lists! This is something to be aware of regardless, but especially if you’re going to be depicting a specific disorder, because often there are a lot more symptoms/criteria that go into a psychotic disorder than people think and you’ll want to do your research on the disorder in question.

Anyway so this is a HUGE question and I’ve broken my response into some lists, we’ve got some lists, we’ve got a general what to do list, a general what not to do list, and a things I would personally love to see more of but aren’t applicable to every story and context list

some non-exhaustive lists, hey, because I’m sure I’ve forgotten a bunch of things that I’ll think of later and be like Oh Man I Forgot That Thing

and I wanna emphasise re my what to do and what not to do lists, these lists are gonna be fairly general, because without knowing your specific story and the character in question, I can’t cover all the things, yeah? For me to get super specific with these lists it would depend on the character in question, the premise of your story, the setting, the specific symptoms you want to represent, etc, etc…

ANYWAY

LIST TIME

AND READMORE TIME UNDER THE CUT

we’re gonna start with….. (because my first dot point is my most important and literally no other reason)

What not to do

Firstly, don’t freak out. Try not to get overwhelmed! Honestly it can seem like a really huge thing to tackle, but don’t let anxiety about getting it wrong stop you from trying, if you decide that this is something you want to include for your character. You can start small, you can work bits and pieces into your character, you can explore different things and see what happens! Anyone who is writing an experience that they themselves haven’t experienced is bound to make some mistakes, and that’s more than okay! Be open to learning and listening!

Don’t use psychosis for a cheap plot twist or shock value.  Hey, there’s lots and lots of ableist twists and tropes out there involving psychosis. Stuff like “none of it was real, it was just some crazy mentally ill person’s fantasy the whole time!!!!” tends to be tired and stale at best and horribly ableist at worst. Also certain tropes in fantasy settings such as schizophrenia being caused by demons can get real dicey real quick. If you want to go the direction of having some sort of “twist” around it, definitely ask around and get some opinions from psychotic people on it. Like, absolutely, twists around psychosis can be done, but there’s a right way and a wrong way to handle them.

Don’t present psychosis as some sort of horrible dead end or the worst possible thing that can happen to a person. This is something I see a weird amount of? Please do your best not to present psychosis as some awful world-ending tragedy, do your best not to treat it like some sort of fate worse than death. Like absolutely psychosis can be debilitating and exhausting and difficult to deal with at times, but as a non-psychotic author please do not use it as, like, grief p-rn or whatever. Also we end up dying at the end of a lot of stories and that’s supposed to be, like, a relief? Like “oh they never would have had a happy life, this is probably for the best” and like whoa that’s not probably not a great message to be sending. You can definitely delve into some of the challenges and struggles of psychosis but be really mindful of the way you’re talking about it. And the idea that psychotic people can’t live happy, fulfilling lives is something that needs to die like yesterday

Don’t have the character’s psychosis only present when it’s convenient for the plot. This goes for any mental illness, and I see it with every mental illness. It’s something that exists in the plot only when it’s cool and edgy, or only when it’s convenient, or only when it’s relevant. Or, the illness will exist, but only the symptoms that the author can glamorise or use for edgy plot purposes. Another way of phrasing this is psychosis doesn’t exist in your story just to make it interesting. It’s not something you can dip in and out of and only commit to when it’s easy or when it suits your story. That doesn’t mean it has to be the sole focus or all-encompassing, but it does mean you need to actually commit. 

If you’re not psychotic, I highly highly highly advise against writing a psychotic villain. And I know me saying outright “don’t write a psychotic villain” is probably gonna strike some nerves for people because blah blah people can write whatever they want and blah blah there’s a way to do everything respectfully and blah blah what if my psychotic villain is a sympathetic character and morally complex and not all bad and look, I get it, I get it, I get it

I’m sure it is possible to write an interesting, morally complex, respectfully-depicted psychotic villain, but that’s not the point, that’s not the problem! The issue is that we have barely any psychotic heroes and protagonists and good guys! We have no positive rep to balance it out! We might have more space for well-written psychotic villains if we had an equal amount of psychotic good guys. Like…. psychosis is terrifying and isolating enough to deal with on its own, but adding to this is the fact that most of the representation we see is in the form of villains, antagonists, killers, etc. and like…. not only is that awful to see as a psychotic person, but fiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum and psychosis is already misunderstood and demonised enough

This is less a hard-and-fast DON’T DO THIS and more just a very very strong opinion, like, I can’t stop you if that’s what you’re doing but just. something to bear in mind, y’know? 

And now onto:

What to do

Listen to psychotic people in your research! (You knew this one was coming, hopefully!) A whole serious tonne of your research should come in the form of sources by actual psychotic people, like, read their work! Read their books! Read their papers! Visit blogs, visit forums, listen to their experiences! Listen to their experiences of the specific symptoms you want to include in your story! Most importantly, take in what they’re saying and don’t assume you know better than them about their lived experiences!

You’ll get a much better sense of how psychosis affects people and the different ways people deal with it, and you will learn things you would not have even considered otherwise! Medical webpages and articles are fine but if you want a realistic portrayal, this is absolutely not an optional step. I have read way too many books with psychotic rep written by authors who have clearly just………. never actually listened to a psychotic person talk about their experiences in their entire life and it’s actually mind-boggling to me

On this note, I follow a lot of psychosis support and information blogs on here for psychosis reasons, but a lot of these blogs are okay with and happy for people to follow them for learning or to gain a better knowledge of psychosis to support others in their lives or to ask questions about experiences. You can also find a lot of YouTube channels where people with psychosis talk about their experiences. These sorts of things can be a good place to start!

Research psychosis itself, not “writing psychotic characters”. General advice posts about how to write psychotic characters can be a good jumping off point and link to some good resources, but they’re a step removed and shouldn’t form the entire basis of your research. These posts can be great, especially if they’re made by people who experience psychosis, but they’re still meant as a starting point and you should be doing your own research as well. As a general rule, your research shouldn’t come primarily through the lens of “how do I write a psychotic character”, and should very much come through the lens of “what are psychotic experiences?” and “how do people deal with psychosis?” and “how does psychosis affect people?” and other such questions, so that you have the knowledge of to write these characters.

Also, because “how to write psychotic characters” as a google search will lead you through a plethora of terrible pages titled things like “HOW TO WRITE AN INSANE UNSTABLE CHARACTER!!!” and things that equate psychosis to being inherently violent, evil, unstable, dangerous, etc. and, I mean, I shouldn’t have to tell you that there’s absolutely nothing of value to be found in these pages? But hey.

On that note, ableist language is a huge red flag for “hey this source is a bad source”. Be mindful of your non-psychotic sources.

Be aware that there are also negative and cognitive symptoms of psychosis, and positive symptoms other than hallucinations and delusions. So I mentioned this a bit earlier, that there are a lot of other facets of psychosis that I rarely see addressed in fiction. For a lot of psychotic and schizospec disorders the symptoms can fall under the categories of positive symptoms (which “add” something, eg, delusions, hallucinations (auditory, visual, tactile, pretty much any sense) disorganised behaviour, disorganised speech), negative symptoms (which “take away”, eg, lack of motivation, flat affect, reduced speech, social withdrawal) and cognitive symptoms (eg, memory problems, disorganised thoughts, concentration problems, difficulty processing information). For most people with psychosis there will be a range of symptoms across these areas. Even if you’re not currently experiencing positive symptoms, negative and cognitive symptoms can be affecting areas of your life as well.

Of course, it’s definitely possible to experience only a handful of symptoms and there are plenty of people who experience some symptoms of psychosis outside of having a specific psychotic disorder, so it depends on what applies to your character. That being said, it is something I would love to see a lot more of in fiction because it’s………. honestly a really huge part of psychosis experience for a majority of people? And it can really help a realistic representation, as well as giving some visibility to other, less-known effects of psychosis. THAT being said, if you are writing a specific disorder such as schizophrenia, schizoaffective, etc, including other symptoms is definitely not optional. There are a lot of cookie-cutter representations of disorders like schizophrenia that barely cover half of what schizophrenia actually involves. Again, research is ur best bud

Understand that for a lot of people, psychosis isn’t really a switch that flips from ON to OFF. What I mean by this is for a lot of people, while psychosis can come in episodes, it affects most of a person’s life one way or another. Like for me personally, even on my best week, it’s still something that shapes the way I understand the world and it’s a lens through which I interpret the reality around me. It’s not something that disappears completely. It’s not something I can untangle from my gender and my sexuality or my experiences of religion or my relationships, it’s not necessarily something I can untangle from myself as a person. I have a different relationship with the world around me, and that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes it’s a nice thing. Sometimes it’s a difficult thing. Mostly, it’s just a thing. So when you’re writing a character who experiences psychosis, consider the ways it might present itself and what affects of it might be present outside of an episode. This might be in the way they see the world, or the way they speak, or the way they go about their every day life such as rituals or safety or clothing choices or things they avoid. Honestly there’s such a huge diverse range of experiences and it will depend on your character.

Understand that no two experiences of psychosis are going to be the same. Again, “psychosis” itself is a super broad label that encompasses a lot of symptoms that can come in any number of combinations and presentations, and even two people with the exact same set of symptoms can have those symptoms expressed in entirely different ways. Even two people with the same disorder are going to have different experiences of it. And beyond the differences in psychosis itself, the experience of psychosis intersects with other aspects of a person’s identity such as sexuality, gender, race, religion, etc. in fairly major ways as well. There’s not a “one size fits all” when it comes to experiencing psychosis. Consider what sorts of experiences might impact your character and understand the diversity of experiences! Research, research 

Remember that first and foremost, you’re writing a character. They have a life, opinions, likes, dislikes, neighbours, goals, whatever. Their experience with psychosis may be something that shapes their life significantly and something that affects a lot of other facets of their experience, or it might not be, but either way it’s not the only part of their identity. Your character should be just as varied and nuanced and in-depth as any of your other characters. 

and now a definitely non-exhaustive list but a list that’s good enough for now considering my brain is fried:

Things I would personally love to see more of but aren’t applicable to every story and context

Casual, everyday depictions of going about life with psychosis. I mean, this is just in general, in general I would love to see more representation in fiction of mentally ill characters going about their daily lives alongside Whatever Nonsense is going on in the main plot, where it’s acknowledged that they’re also attending therapy or taking meds or dealing with symptoms or in treatment. I think it can go a huge way in the normalisation of people dealing with mental illness and the fact that mental illness is a part of some people’s lives. I would love to see this specifically in stories that aren’t About Mental Illness. Like, an urban fantasy story where a character is shown casually taking their meds? Or a YA story where a character mentions they can’t do a particular thing ‘cause they have a psych appointment booked for that day? Or characters using coping strategies and it’s not treated as weird or other? Just, characters with psychosis, existing, in their every day lives

Supportive friends and family, or good support networks in general. Partly because I’m a sucker for found family tropes and cheesy power of friendship stories, but like, psychotic characters with friends who support them and understand them and who help them with their coping strategies! Psychotic characters with healthy support systems and friendships! Psychotic characters who get to goof off and have fun with their friends, and who get to support and help their friends! Psychotic characters who get to have romantic relationships with supportive partners! 

Happy endings! I mentioned this earlier, too, like…… in terms of representation, so much of what’s out there is either psychotic characters as villains or psychotic characters dying tragically, and this over and over and over again, y’know, eventually the message being driven home is “there is no good ending for you!” which is………. bullshit, obviously. But it can be terribly isolating and scary to internalise if you’re experiencing psychosis, and even if you know it’s bullshit, it’s exhausting! You want to see yourself represented as someone who has a future and can be happy! As I said earlier, the idea that psychotic people can’t live happy, whole, fulfilling lives needs to die, and we are in dire, dire need of stories with good endings for psychotic people.

Explicit representation of specific disorders. I was going to say that schizophrenia is something most people think of when it comes to psychosis representation in fiction, but like, honestly, a lot of those writers don’t even do the bare minimum research for what schizophrenia involves and they have a really stereotyped version of the disorder that they clearly haven’t researched at all……. but anyway yes, my point is, there are a lot of different psychotic disorders, and I would love to see some of them represented explicitly, and not just left vague and unlabelled. I would also like to see accurate, well-researched, actual representation of schizophrenia. I would also like to see psychotic depression! Or schizotypal personality disorder! Or schizoaffective! I’d like to see some actual names

Anyway that’s all that’s coming to me right now even though I’ve probably missed like fifty things for each of these lists……………… I hope that this has been a little bit helpful, maybe, somewhat, perhaps, who knows, I reserve the right to come back and say more things,