#the amount of fearmongering over hrt is just

[girl-with-bones]

Holy shit I'm so fucking tired of this- PUBERTY. THE- IT'S. IT'S FUCKING PUBERTY.

THAT'S WHAT HRT DOES. I DONT KNOW HOW OR WHY PEOPLE HAVE IT IN THEIR HEADS THAT HRT IS SOME EXTRA SPECIAL EXTRA SCARY BODY HORROR SHIT THAT KICKS YOUR PUPPY AND KILLS EVERYTHING YOU HOLD NEAR AND DEAR TO YOUR HEART.

Does Puberty affect people's singing voices? Yes? Cool. Hrt will do that too. Does every single male singer say Puberty ruined their voice? No? huh that's weird, maybe Hrt is the exact fucking same.

Yeah, hrt can fuck shit up. So does REGULAR PUBERTY BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HRT IS. THAT IS WHY IT WORKS. YES IT IS DIFFERENT IN SOME WAYS BUT IT IS STILL JUST THE BODY REACTING TO HORMONES BY GOING 'OH SHIT WE GROWIN UP'

please im gonna. fucking. burn parliament down I don't even know I just- HELP

i am SO sick of the fearmongering around T and how it will affect your singing voice. i have been singing since i was a kid. i mean i have been singing as long as i could talk, i was once in an all girls choir, i was the youngest person in my churches choir when i was, like, 8. i never had much confidence in my voice because i sounded like a girl, which led me to singing less, which led me to sounding worse. before i started T i was SO worried that it would ruin my beautiful feminine singing voice.

but the difference is like night and day. i sound SO much better than i did pre-T. i can sing without hating myself. i sound like a man and i can sing

and yea maybe i’m no longer and 8 year old soprano. but i can sing and listen to myself and not want to die and isn’t that fucking wonderful?

[rivetgoth]

Not sure what it’ll take to fix the massive misconception that testosterone HRT is something you take for a series of superficial / external changes and then stop. I mean it’s obviously fine to do that if you’re doing so with intentionality but all the time I see guys casually say stuff about “having gotten all the changes” or “the changes have plateaued” or “it’s not doing anything anymore” and citing that as reason to stop taking it. That just objectively isn’t how HRT works.

The external changes are great but hormones are doing way more behind the scenes than just giving you facial hair and a deeper voice, especially when it comes to aging. Individuals with T-dominant endocrine systems and individuals with E-dominant endocrine systems age differently. Fat distribution isn’t a one and done thing; those patterns continue to change and evolve over the course of your life. You as an old man on T for decades will look different than someone who has had an E-dominant endocrine system for that same amount of time. Tbh I think a lot of it is the fact that guys are accessing T at younger ages now and it’s just par for the course that young people don’t take aging into consideration lol. At 18-19 and younger you aren’t even really comprehending that you’re going to age, and for a group statistically more likely to be suicidal that’s tenfold. Lack of substantial research on the longterm effects of both HRT and stopping HRT play into this too.

That said though I think detransition fearmongering and even sort of misdirected transmisogyny kinda comes into play here as well. Testosterone as a substance that causes “permanent damage” is largely weaponized against trans women but it is also used to threaten us not to transition in the first place. The word “permanent” carries with it a lot of weight and you see all these people talk about the “permanent” effects of T but what’s lost in these conversations is what cisgender society is threateningly calling a “permanent” change is like… different than what these changes in an estrogen-dominant body do actually look like. We talk a lot about facial and body hair being a “permanent” change on T, but transmascs who stop T and trans women on E alike can report that estrogen causes these hairs to grow in softer and lighter; they won’t look how they did on T. Bottom growth is another “permanent” change that can shrink as erections soften. Your voice (another often-described-as-permanent effect) can change as E changes the body’s ability to grow and retain muscle. I think beyond splash damage from societal transmisogyny I’d even say some of the lack of understanding here comes from intracommunity transmisogyny & trans men not fully comprehending the level of change possible on estrogen, internalizing the sentiment that trans women’s changes are less meaningful than ours and not talking to trans women about what estrogen-based transition really looks like.

And again I’m not saying this to berate the people who intentionally go on T, know what to expect by stopping it, and do so with intentionality because they have a vision for what they want. That’s awesome, 100% valid. Do you. It’s more the wider misconception I see of HRT as something that “plateaus” and leaves a series of permanent unchanging effects while no longer doing anything else. And to overstep just a little I honestly think there are some men who would be happier if they continued to take T and are falling victim to larger transphobic institutions that have convinced them it’s unnecessary. As itskobold said on my post about HRT timelines you will keep changing forever. So it’s best to really consider what you want the layout of your endocrine system to be as those changes continue to occur.

[ivorythecalico]

if you even think you can leave the us, you’re so fucking privileged. people like me CANT leave. if you can leave the us, you can work to make things better for your community. stop the fucking fearmongering and help instead of running away from the problem. plant a community garden. do a food drive. donate to a fundraiser. other countries have their own problems. You can’t run.

jesus goddamn christ. do you think i don’t know that the vast majority of people don’t have the same resources i do? do you seriously think i dont feel guilty over that every time i think about leaving? i cant help if i’m dead, and if i were to lose access to my HRT it would be a death sentence. i’m a trans girl under 18 in the united states. i’m like, everything conservatives are trying to commit genocide against right now. it’s too fucking dangerous for me to be here if trump wins, simple as that.

also, activism and advocacy are a big part of my life. in fact, just last night i spent a stupid amount of time making signs to put up at local polling places in defense of trans rights. i wrote an op/ed that got printed in my local newspaper before, i donate to my local LGBTQ center every spare penny i get. i am literally doing everything i can right now (i’m struggling with severe depression too!) so please don’t talk to me about “running away from the problem” after i genuinely have dedicated the rest of my life to fighting for our rights. i’m already looking into pursing a social work degree, which would allow me to actually make a big difference. again though, I CANT DO THAT IF IM DEAD.

sorry for the long answer

[kobalent]

so,,,, today i confronted my doctor about my estradiol dosage.

in late january i talked to her to swap over from patches (my sensitive skin didn't like them :c ) to tablets, but since my doctor couldn't find a direct conversion chart from patches to tablets, she put me on the lowest dose (0.5mg twice a day) to err in the side of caution...

[cw: gender dysphoria]

over the last few months i started noticing some changes, mostly facial hair growing faster, body odor returning to what it was pre-transition, breasts stopped growing, and other symptoms in line with what my body was doing before starting HRT.

i knew i had an appointment schefuled for today, so i mostly just stuck it out. it was clear to me that my estrogen levels were lower than with the patches —i was wearing 3 patches a week by the time i stopped; a bit of a high dosage— and i knew that was to be expected from going into the smallest dosage for tablets, which i used sublingually for better absorption since many transfem friends had recommended that beforehand.

what i was not ready for was the result of some blood tests i took a little over a week ago in preparation for this appointment.

my testosterone was higher than the first blood test i took when starting on patches two and a half years ago, and my estrogen was lower at 45.6pg/mL, which is absurdly low for the purpose of HRT. basically, i had been off of HRT for the last three months. all the symptoms that were causing me dysphoria were in fact caused by being prescribed what is a negligible amount of estradiol. the moment i saw the results i doubled up on my doses.

i asked a bunch of transfem friends what their dosage is for estradiol tablets, and most of them responded 8mg a day, and a few with 6. i was on 1/8th of a dosage. for three months.

so, today that i had my appointment with the doctor, i asked her to put me on 8mg. she was hesitant at first; her intention was to slowly crawl up the dosage starting with 2mg for the next month. i kept insisting, pulling up receipts after receipts that taking this slow right now would just be a waste of time, especially since i already was on a decent dose with the patches beforehand. after some back and forth from her being hesitant to make much of a jump and me insisting on 8mg, we landed on 6mg for the next month, getting lab tests near the end of may, and then considering a jump to the full 8.

i am happy i could successfully advocate for myself in this occasion, but also endlessly frustrated that even in what is considered a very trans-friendly part of the u.s. i have to do all the research for my doctor and pay her so i get the ~privilege~ to teach her what appropriate trans care looks like.

i don't know how to end this post. just,,,, kinda venting my annoyance at the current state of medical care in the u.s. and the consequences of treating trans care specifically as this mystical "new" science that "no body knows how to deal with". the information IS out there. there is a LONG history of HRT for the purpose of transitioning, but the fearmongering from bigots blocking access to this branch of medicine cause ripples even in places that label themselves as "safe". ripples that cause harm from negligence and incompetence paired with the unwillingness to listen from medical staff that admit to being inexperienced in this particular field.

HRT is not some dangerous experimental science. it has been done for decades. it is reliable. and it sucks that the only reliable resources available on the matter are community anecdotes.

[vexture]

next time you post misinformation credit the ass you pulled it out of. But like fr source is so important in cases like these. there is so much fearmongering around transition and the effects it can have on the body we really need to cite better

While I understand the sentiment to say this, and I agree that there should be things credited as a rule of thumb, and I'm just a stranger on the internet, but! This is something I've been told by many doctors over the years. I know the post has the tone of "trust me bro" but I'm not lying. Depending on how you phrase your question to Google or Bing or whatever, you won't get the same answer about nicotine and hrt. I also acknowledge the phrasing of the original post makes it sound more definite than passive, but I didn't realize that until I read it back to a friend.

Point being: I have sources, I have a few, but they aren't trans specific, they're cis specific, and I was cautioned by my doctor about trans specific issues when being on hrt, that I thought was actually more common knowledge given the amount of trans people I've talked to who confirmed to me that their doctors told them they have increased risk of blood clotting from nicotine because of the hrt.

It's not misinformation just because there aren't specific articles available yet. Chronic illness didn't stop being a thing in the 70's just because they didn't have a name for it yet, same principle. I have asked many doctors across the board about smoking while on T because my family are smokers and I frequent bars that allow indoor smoking, and some of my headmates (since I'm a system) have nicotine addictions. I made sure I knew what I was asking about and the extent of the answer was "it can hurt you more if you smoke on hrt please don't pick it up."

This might be something just emerging in the medical field, I live on the west coast, so who knows, maybe this hasn't reached the rest of the us yet.

As for the follow up ask you sent after this about being influenced by the rock wrestling and your response being influenced by it, maybe you should calm yourself down before trying to share your opinion, especially if you're going to send an apology trying to explain yourself. If you have the awareness to state an apology, you have the awarenes to calm yourself. I didn't pull this out of my fucking ass, I was warned by other trans people and many health professionals.

And, just as a quick aside, maybe come off anon if you're going to be a dick in the first place, say that shit with your whole chest friend, go ahead.

[nonegenderleftpain]

BXY JOURNAL UPDATE 6/5/2023

Well, it's pride month, and instead of making a separate post about this, I figured I would reblog the original post in my largely-forgotten Bxy Journal. I wanted to give an update, partially to add to the very minimal amount of documented information on transmasc HRT, and partially to debunk some of the things I have been told about T since I started.

Hi! My name is Drew, and I am an agender transmasc butch. I am 25 years old, and started T in October of 2020. At the time, I was on low-dose Androderm patches, as I was unsure what pace of changes I would be comfortable with. I now take testosterone gel several times a week. My life has changed drastically in the past few years, and I wanted to share those changes with you. There is a three-month check-in here, if you'd like to see the differences concretely.

When I started T, I had a lot of people tell me all manner of scary things to keep me from taking it. Even knowing that this was fearmongering, it was terrifying to have it pointed at me all at once, so I'd like to discuss the reality behind some of these things, under the cut.

"If you take T, all your hair will fall out!"

This is technically possible. Male pattern baldness is a genetic condition, and it is affected by your hormones. There is absolutely a chance you will lose some hair if you take testosterone. That said, male pattern baldness does not run in my family, and while I have indeed noticed a change in my hair texture, I have not had any noticeable hair loss or thinning. I had to start shampooing again (I've used cleansing conditioner only for years) to deal with the increase in oil, but I am lucky to have a hair texture that handles it well. My curl pattern has changed, but all in all, my hair is just as strong and healthy as it was before T.

"You'll have a patchy, stupid beard!"

It took a bit for my beard to grow in. It didn't start growing properly until a little over a year on T, and took another year to be full. I now have a better beard than my partner, who is a cis guy. It grows fast, and it grows full. This is also heavily dependent on your genetics, but there is absolutely no truth to "nothing you do will let you grow a proper beard and you'll always look like a child."

"You'll become aggressive and won't be able to cry!"

In the entire time I have been on T, I have not had a single instance of misplaced anger or aggression. I no longer cry at the drop of a hat, but that has been the best thing HRT has done for me. I am bipolar, and the stabilizing of my moods and lessening of my cry reflex has made me so much more functional and made my life livable, without constant assistance. I'm going back to school this fall, because I finally have the emotional stability to do so. I absolutely would not be able to if not for this. Even with the lessened cry reflex, I still have not had a problem with crying when I feel like I need to cry.

"You'll get fat and ugly!"

I have gained weight since starting T. Part of this is due to the HRT, part of it is due to other medications, and part of it is due to chronic health conditions. My body fat has redistributed in more masculine ways, and because of this it has become difficult to find pants that fit me properly. Still, nothing about my body is ugly. I am not a flowery little pixie anymore, but people equating "fat" with "ugly" is a completely separate issue to gaining weight on HRT.

Testosterone treatment has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life, and I am healthier and more secure, as well. I am so, so glad that I did not listen to the constant rhetoric of t being poison, and men being inherently aggressive and dangerous, because I do not know where I would be without my transition. I still don't look like a cis man unless I try, but that's by choice - I like being visibly trans, and wearing a dress and a beard at the same time is a hot look. If I put on a ball cap, a binder, and my cargo shorts, I don't get misgendered by strangers. My voice has dropped, but I've chosen not to do voice training to sound more masculine, because it's not something that matters much to me. I still sing, and have kept a lot of my soprano range through practice while gaining an entire additional octave, making me a pretty decent tenor. My life is objectively better from the effects of t.

All that said, I'll leave you with this. Change is scary. Change in your body, especially. But you're not doing it alone. There are other trans people around you, cheering you on and supporting you. There are adults like me, who started transition in their early adulthood. There are people in their 70s, who went their whole lives thinking it was too late to transition. There are teenagers fighting for access to HRT and affirming care. And we're family. We are not going to leave you behind. Reach out, take my hand, and know you can go so far and do things you've never imagined, as long as you remember that you have our support. To the young trans guy reading this, I know what it feels like to not think you have a future. Let me be proof that you do.

Happy pride, folks.

Well, I finally started T! I've decided to keep a journal of my experiences as an agender, disabled individual here on my blog, as close to daily as possible. It will be under the tag [#bxy journal] if you'd like to mute the stream of selfies and information.

Day 1

I'm doing HRT through patches at a very low dose, for gradual changes and more control over vocal changes. I am a vocalist and will be working with an instructor biweekly to maintain my upper register. I've been in constant contact with my slew of doctors to ensure this won't worsen my chronic illness issues.

So far today, I feel tingly and jittery. I'm unsure if this is the T, a placebo effect, or riding the high of my first good day in weeks. I'm picking up a set of free weights because it's getting too cold to go to the gym without causing pain flares. I'm hoping increased muscle mass from T will make walking easier for me in the future!

[nothorses]

"Transandrophobia" Primer

There's a wild amount of misinformation about the term "transandrophobia" going around, and has been for a long time. So let's dig in a bit and set the record straight.

What it is

"Transandrophobia" was coined as an alternative to "transmisandry", and describes the unique oppression targeted at and faced by transmasculine folks (and people perceived to be transmasculine).

Transmascs experience oppression not just on the basis of being trans, or (typically) AFAB, and certainly not on the basis of being men alone. What we experience is unique to being transmasculine, and the way cissexist society categorizes and responds to us: not as women, not as men, but as an "other" that lies between the two.

Some quick examples of transandrophobia:

Trans men are the most likely group in the trans community to have negative experiences with healthcare providers.

AFAB trans people in general are most likely to be denied HRT.

Trans men are most likely to be denied surgery coverage.

Trans men are most likely to avoid healthcare out of fear.

Nonbinary people and trans men were most likely to report having never, or only sometimes, been treated with respect by law enforcement.

Trans men are more likely to experience problems with airport security.

Trans men are most likely to avoid public restrooms.

Over half of all AFAB nonbinary people and trans men experience sexual assault. These are the highest rates in the queer community.

9 out of every 10 trans men seriously consider attempting suicide. This is the highest rate in the queer community.

About half of all trans men attempt suicide. This is the highest rate in the queer community.

What it Looks Like

Transmascs are generally placed in one of two categories: confused "girls" they believe can be saved, and evil, dangerous "other" they believe are beyond saving. There's a ton of overlap in these two categories, both in what they experience, and in the fact that oftentimes the two are experienced simultaneously; even in the same situation.

A quick, incomplete list of how these things can manifest:

Infantilization ("soft", "little")

Removal of autonomy

Stereotyping as "whiny", "hysterical", or "entitled".

"Butch flight" or "ROGD" - the idea that transmascs are stealing butch lesbians.

Pressuring transmascs to be more feminine/womanly, either through overt force, or through subtler manipulation.

The desire to "make transmascs women" via sexual assault (corrective rape).

The idea that testosterone causes aggression; emotional, physical, and sexual- therefore transition is dangerous, and transmascs who transition are dangerous.

Fearmongering around transmasc transitions; "binders can never be safe", "vaginal atrophy is untreatable", "you'll get fat/ugly/acne/sweaty/oily/smelly", "phalloplasty is too dangerous/expensive/unsatisfying to be worth it", etc.

Medical professionals dissuading transmascs from transitioning; stressing risks that can in actuality be mitigated easily, nitpicking family history without presenting options, etc.

The idea that transmascs only become trans to "escape misogyny" or to "gain male privilege".

Erasure of transmasc experiences, esp. experiences with misogyny and transphobia.

Lack of resources for transmasc abuse survivors.

Lack of resources for transmascs in need of reproductive healthcare on the basis of "male" gender markers, names, voices, and appearances.

Why We Call it That

"Transandrophobia" can be broken down in two ways:

"Trans" + "androphobia" = the "trans version" of "androphobia", a fear of men or social bigotry toward men.

"Trans-andro" + "phobia" = a social bigotry directly specifically at trans men/transmascs.

The second is the more common interpretation and usage, largely because the first can be interpreted, by some, to mean that those using the word are suggesting that it's actually (cis) women who oppress (cis) men, that we don't believe patriarchy exists, etc. This, of course, has never been the intention of the word.

The first break-down above could also be interpreted to refer to patriarchy's negative stereotyping of men- as aggressive, dangerous, and sexually predatory.

While that doesn't translate to systemic oppression of cis men, those same feelings- a general disgust and fear toward the concept of manhood- do inform how society responds to transmascs. As a group of people who are oppressed on the basis of being transmasculine, those feelings do play a role in transmasc oppression.

What it Isn't

"Transandrophobia" is not an attack on, or accusation toward, any other group of people.

The word does not imply that trans women oppress trans men, that transmascs have it worse than anyone else, that transfems are horrible bigots, that transfem issues do not deserve the attention they receive (or, ideally, far more attention than they currently receive).

It does not imply that cis misandry exists, that "MRAs were right", that patriarchy and misogyny aren't real, or that feminism isn't necessary.

It does not signal bigotry toward other groups. Whatever your personal opinion of the word, of who uses it, or of who coined it, the word is a word and it stands alone from those things. It belongs to the transmasculine community.

It does not demand anyone pay any less attention to other important issues. It does not accuse other trans people of oppressing us. It does not dismiss the existence of patriarchy or structural oppression of women. It does not belong to any one individual.

Why We Need it

There are real, tangible issues within the transmasc community- things that are unique to transmascs- and those things happen because of a unique bigotry toward transmasculinity.

In order to address those problems, we have to be able to talk about what they are and why they happen.

In order to talk about that, we need a word for what it is. "Transandrophobia" is that word.

Don't get me wrong: the word might change at some point, and that's fine. If the transmasc community as a whole decides that we would like a new word, and creates one together that suits those new needs, that's fine. But as of now, this is the most common, recognizable, easy-to-understand word we have.

"Transandrophobia" belongs to the transmasc community, and it's up to transmascs to define, interpret, create or remove associations, revise, and replace, as it sees fit.

What You Can Do

If you're transmasc:

Talk about your experiences. Connect with other transmascs. Join transmasc community spaces, create new ones, and maintain a positive, productive, and inclusive culture within those spaces. Uplift transmascs with different experiences from you.

Be an ally to other trans people, to people of color, to disabled people, and to other marginalized groups. Do not allow resentment toward the trans community- any part of it, and especially toward transfems- to fester in any space you inhabit.

If you're not:

Listen to transmascs. Seek transmascs out to listen to. Uplift transmasc voices. Learn. Ask questions, even if they're scary, and be ready to be surprised by the answers.

Think for yourself. Own your opinions, and own where they're coming from; don't blame them on other trans people. Acknowledge your limitations in experience. Know that you don't need to understand in order to respect us. Try to understand anyway.

[gnostic-heretic]

this may be Too Personal but whenever i see cute cis guys wearing crop tops and dresses and having pretty long hair and the likes i’m always... lowkey sad because i know that i absolutely cannot pull it off... everyone loves being like “yass slay queen! clothes are not gendered you go and rock a dress! etc” when a cis man is doing it and everyone pays lip service to the fact that it’s ok for trans men to wear dresses, but... when it stops like, being a possibility and a real person is doing it, suddenly all of that perceived support is gone 

this is hardly just about cis people: the trans community has done an IMMENSE amount of backpedaling just as soon as the idea of “some trans men are feminine and that’s ok” started gaining some sort of popularity. now all i see is how cis people expect us to be “softboys uwu” and “it’s ok to be burly and rowdy and chop logs or whatever” and how feminine trans men are actually trying to “trick” people into thinking we are less violent than cis men (when statistics show in fact that trans men are less violent than cis men, and all stories i can think of about men posing as “feminine” to appear nonthreatening just to then sexually assault women that have broken out this year have been about cis men and to some extent amab nonbinary people like pwr bttm, thank you very much for the slander and fearmongering though since everyone immediately jumped to blaming feminine trans men for some reason)

i already feel this like... immense guilt? over the fact that i’m somewhat hesitantly letting my hair grow because there’s a chance that the therapist who is trying to weed me out for hrt (lmao) will just go like “well, i don’t see any effort in trying to be A Man TM so you really are actually just a confused woman with bpd, have a good day :)))” and i know that my mannerism and my choices in fashion hinder my already pretty nonexistent ability to “pass” to some extent however one day i would like to be confident... confident enough to braid my hair and use nice hair accessories or wear a blouse instead of a men’s shirt and not feel bad and fake and terrible for stuff like, using  a tote bag to carry my things or not being able to use a binder sometimes because my ribs are already damaged beyond repair

i don’t know what the point of this post is i suppose i’m just ranting ???? i guess i just started thinking on why i have such strong feelings on my... silly trans headcanons for the low budget anime men but i hardly ever share them because i realize it’s ridiculous and projecting and just an emotional crutch, and people would probably lose any shard of respect they have for me as a person and as a writer hghggff