#the american inquisition
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"State Rep. Rob Harris introduced the South Carolina Prenatal Equal Protection Act of 2023 last week, which could make getting an abortion the same as committing homicide. The bill had been prefiled in December and is now sits in the Judiciary Committee."
Does Rep. Rob Harris understand that he is imposing his far right religious beliefs on the entire nation?
Abortion and the Bible
There is nothing in the Bible against abortion, and actually this passage from Exodus makes it seem clear that a fetus was not considered a human being in Biblical times:
Exodus 21:22-25-22-25 [sic] The Message (MSG) âWhen thereâs a fight and in the fight a pregnant woman is hit so that she miscarries but is not otherwise hurt, the one responsible has to pay whatever the husband demands in compensation. But if there is further damage, then you must give life for lifeâeye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise."
Although some other translations of this verse can be interpreted to oppose abortion, that was NOT how this verse was interpreted by rabbinical scholars for centuries. According to Time:
"Contemporary abortion opponents interpret this passage as distinguishing between causing a premature birth (fine) versus causing a miscarriage (death penalty), which is indeed what most modern translations suggest. Unfortunately for abortion opponents, at least one thousand years of rabbinical scholarship say the fine is for causing a miscarriage and the death penalty is for causing the death of the pregnant woman. If anti-abortion exegetes are only now finding in this rather obscure passage evidence for an absolute biblical ban on abortion, you have to wonder why no one read it that way before. The Talmud permits abortion under certain circumstances, in fact requires it if the womanâs life is at stake."
Even some Christian denominations support abortion rights
There are a number of religious groups (including Christian denominations) that support abortion rights to various degrees.
The Catholic Church changed it's views on abortion relatively recently
Until a decision by Pope Pius IX in 1869, for centuries the Catholic Church didn't consider abortion to be a mortal sin early in pregnancy before "ensoulment" occurred. According Molly Monk,
"St. Thomas Aquinas, a major heavyweight in the Catholic Church in the 13th century, took after Aristotle and believed that being formed enough for ensoulment happened at around 40 days for males and about 80 days for females. More commonly, ensoulment was deemed to happen at the âquickening,â the moment when a pregnant woman first feels her child move, normally around 18 weeks into a pregnancy. While Catholic law frowned upon abortion, it ruled that it was only homicide if it occured after the fetus gained a human soul."
Early abortion doesn't look like anti-abortion propaganda
St. Thomas Aquinas appears to be vindicated in his beliefs about early pregnancy by these photos of what the gestational sac actually looks like from 6 to 9 weeks of pregnancy:
The U.S. Catholic Church is opposed to the death penalty
The GOP said they were never going to impose the death penalty for abortion but now that is exactly what some of them want to do.
And BTW, as they go about imposing their far right evangelical beliefs on the rest of us, do they realize that the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops opposes the death penalty?
This is the problem when people from one religious sect try to impose their views are people from other religious sects, not to mention atheists and agnostics.
There was a reason the founders wrote the Establishment Clause
There was a reason that the founders made sure the Establishment Clause was included in the Constitution--they wanted to ensure the separation of church and state.
Europe had torn itself apart for centuries as different Christian sects warred with each other. They didn't want a repeat here.
A mockery of the Establishment Clause
The far right GOP "Christians" and the supposedly "originalist" far right Catholics on the Supreme Court are making a mockery of what the founders intended in the Establishment Clause of the Constitution, given the resulting anti-abortion laws being written in certain red states that impose certain religious beliefs over and above other religious beliefs.
If I were of childbearing age and lived in a red state that is considering these draconian laws, I would move to a blue state. One cannot even have a miscarriage in these states without being possibly subjected to the American Inquisition.
______________ Image sources:Â Religious groups and abortion; Pregnancy tissue; Magdeburg siege; Madisonâs portrait (before edits) Quote:Â Madison on separation of church and state
[edited]
Several states have banned and criminalized abortion since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade.Â
#south carolina#rep rob harris#separation of church and state#abortion#death penalty#different religions have different beliefs about abortion#the bible does not say anything about abortion#the american inquisition#republicans#gop
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I said this in the comments of someone elseâs post, but Iâm going to say this here. Taash identifying as non-binary is good actually, and in fact better than the devâs making up some new term for them. Letâs get into it.
So for a bit of background, Iâm non-binary and Thai. If you donât know, Thai has specific terms for different gender-sexual identities, theyâre quite old, they date back a few hundred years. However, the thing about culturally specific terms is just that, theyâre culturally specific. The reason you use them is because you are tied to the culture in such a way that you gender-sexual identity cannot be disassociated from it. Because, to be clear, these terms are never just about your gender or sexual identity. They encompass a role you play within society itself.
For instance, in Thai culture we have tom/tomboys. These are AFAB folks who occupy a masculine societal role and date women. If youâre AMAB you cannot be tom. If youâre transmasc and feminine? You cannot be tom. If youâre transmasc and not attracted to women? You cannot be tom. If youâre transmasc and mostly date men? You cannot be tom. If youâre transmasc but donât particularly feel like taking care of the girl you date, taking her out, being the âmanâ in the relationship? You canât really be tom.
Because the thing about culturally specific genders is that they come with a lot of rules. Being tom isnât being non-binary. There are cis women who are tom, and there are non-binary people who are toms. You do not get eschew gender roles in these cases. You are quite literally taking one on. You have a role and place in society that has been made for you, and you are expected to carry it out.
Because of this, none of these terms are a one-to-one for other identities, and nor should they be. Being kathoey or hijra is not the same as being a trans woman or non-binary, and visa versa. You can be kathoey and not be trans. You can be trans and not be kathoey. Being aqun-athlok or any other specific term shouldnât be either. The idea that it is, is more ahistorical and inaccurate than the word non-binary itself. Giving Taash some new, culturally specific term, would inherently tie them to a culture, and one perhaps that they didnât feel apart of. Especially since Taashâs entire story is about struggling to figure out where they belong. Arguably the biggest issue with their story is that you have to make them decide, and fundamentally tying them to a term wouldâve compounded that problem.
The reason I identify as non-binary and not a tom, is because I am not occupying some specific role in Thai culture. Despite living in LA, I rarely interact with other Thai people who arenât my family. I do not live in a cultural context that would allow me to identify as a tom.
The thing about terms like non-binary, or trans, or agender, is that theyâre meant to be acultural terms encapsulating the concept of truth to oneself and ones identity. Whereas culturally specific terms arenât, theyâre about the role you hold in society and where you fit in. Itâs about your identity within a status quo. Taash is a character who is eschewing societal roles, and breaking the status quo, giving them those terms just wouldnât work.
And finally? Using non-binary itself allows the writers to very specifically say where they stand. There is no space given to transphobes. You either accept that DA is queer-friendly or bust. And thatâs a very important stance to make in an era where trans and non-binary folks are being actively targeted. Thereâs no âwell Taash isnât actually trans or non-binary theyâre [insert term here]!â Because people wouldâve done that, we know they wouldâve. This means people canât do that. They have to just say that they have an issue with the term, and thus we can call them for what they are. Transphobes. Plain and simple.
So yeah, Taashâs identity does have nuance, it has a lot of it. And to be honest with you, I wouldnât be surprised if Trick Weekes, a non-binary person whose wife is First Nations and thus from a group with culturally specific gender identities, knows about the difference between something like two-spirit and trans. And to be honest with you, using something like non-binary has nuance I doubt was actually afforded to Krem, considering they cast a cis woman to play Krem.
So yeah.
#taash#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard spoilers#bioware critical#dragon age critical#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#krem#non-binary#veilguard#datv#dragon age veilguard#dai#trick weekes#weekes#writing#idk what else to tag#i can also tell how many of you have NO experience#with cultural genders#like i can smell not the whiteness#but the western cultural dominance on u#and mind u! iâm an american!#but my mom is very thai#so she did make me know the difference#she also calls me a tom funnily enough#and iâm like âiâm not a tomâ#and she goes âidk. u look like one tho.â
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people who crap on sumalee montano's delivery. what's it like to hate a voice like hot toddy
#âamerican fem va is too deep-â shut up#I'M ALREADY HEARING THIS ABOUT NEVE TOO#we went through this with minthara & with femshep..... aren't you tired#dragon age inquisition#dragon age
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Everything reminds me of him...
#another solas post#sorry#not really#dragon age#dread wolf#solas#solas dai#balls?#but also#Americans say âegg plantâ lol#dragon age inquisition#dragon age veilguard
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drawbacks of being a serial enjoyer of the american dragon age PC voices: hardly any of the romance compilation/all choices youtube videos cater to your highly specific needs & interests
#at least in veilguard I do LIKE all the voices. in inquisition I have a longstanding vendetta against the british male voice#he sounds like The most punchable man in the world to me. and not in a fun or endearing way as that might normally awaken in me#and what's worse he's EVERYWHERE!!! while jon curry's inquisitor voice is my fave out of the whole lot#do you KNOW how many times I tried to find the male american voice doing the middle option in cassandra's romance scene in trespasser#back when I didn't have a next gen console to play trespasser on??? I have suffered I have walked through the content deserts#dragon age
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Things Dorian Pavus and I have in common:
love of home
would like home to improve! out of love!
home has some uh. questionable um. history. and practices.
cool and fun
loves to learn!
gay
Things Dorian Pavus and I DO NOT have in common
I ALREADY KNOW THAT SLAVERY IS BAD
#dragon age#dorian pavus#dragon age: inquisition#for those of you who donât go here iâm from the american south#and if you donât go to dragon age well. go play it.
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Why do American men always cough and swear imto the microphone during games? Like...I wanna play multiplayer but I just can't with American men always complaining and wheezing...turn the godamm mic off.
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I wish people would stop using nazism to measure how bad a thing is. Cruelty has existed for WAY before nazis existed, things like the spanish inquisition or the genocide of native americans happened before the holocaust did. By this I don't mean to say that "the holocaust wasn't that bad" bullshit antisemitic people spit, I mean that maybe people -especially gentiles- should leave the nazi comparisons alone??? Maybe?? Perhaps even understand that something can and will be terrible without saying "oh, this is just like the holocaust."
I'm sick of people comparing things to nazism to show how bad or good something is. Sure, there's a lot of things you can trace down to nazis, like eugenics, but a bad thing can exist on its own and still be terrible without being tied to nazis.
I don't know if I explained myself correctly, but yeah.
#tw nazism#tw nazis#eugenics#tw eugenics#tw holocaust#holocaust#genocide#spanish inquisition#christian inquisition#native american genocide
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#i like the american voice actress for deshan#i just like sumalee montano's voice#i chose her voice because it was deeper tbh#ans i kinda just fell in love with it#although people tend to not like it#dai#dragon age inquisition#i believe all the names are right so#wowowo
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say what you want abt veilguard but at least it didn't have your companions tell you to your face that "slavery is cool sometimes actually if your nice to them" or "you're stupid for worshiping your real world indigenous inspired gods" and the only options you get to combat that is to say "Hey. Racism. Isn't cool man." And you never talk about it again
#im the number one inquisition hater if theres no more inquisition haters then im dead#i mean give me unlikeable characters but dont give me american centrist lukewarm responses that hold no weight#at least in this game you kill slavers in the middle of the street and everyones like fuck yeah brother! and you dont loose approval#for saying you think racism is bad#im not saying the writing is a groundbreaking anti colonial marxist thesis not at all. but its not a slog to like.#talk to your companions. and you dont feel like an outsider the whole game with your cowokers telling you#youre the next jesus christ and you say well i dont beleive in jesus. and they ignore you. so#dragon age#lav.txt#dav#dai
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More people should start religions!
And I don't mean this in the cult-y type of 'I am a god!' type way
Just in the like, 'Wow, you know what, I have these ideas about the world that i think are pretty valid, my own little form of spirituality, but the gods I want to believe in aren't part of any majour or small religion. Let's do this just for myself.'
Like, I have a religious system, but no one else follows it exactly. It pulls elements from other places, but no one follows the little rules I set for myself, no one says the same prayers. But it's my religion, and I like it, so i follow it. If people ask, I just say I'm spiritual or an atheist. It's my own little religion.
And while a bunch of people may do this, I don't think we talk about it enough- More people should start, talk about, and spread their personal religions if they want to!
#and then we can treat it like christianity#'what do you mean you're straight? Love literally said that's a sin-'#time to conquer europe to spread my ideals#no one expects the american inquisition!#religion#spirituality
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The right-wing Catholic Bishops are all in with Project 2025's goals of turning the U.S. into a far-right "Christian" nationalist nation. So it shouldn't be surprising that an invitation to Trump was extended by a prominent Catholic group.
As a former Catholic I can say that during its 2000 year history, the Catholic Church has done both great good and great harm in the world. Unfortunately, the right-wing Catholic Bishops seem to be more closely channeling the spirit of the Spanish Inquisition than the spirit of the monks and sisters over the centuries who cared for the poor and sick.
One could almost imagine the tears welling up in his eyes as New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan lamented the rejection he received from Vice President Kamala Harris, the Democratic candidate for president, of his invitation to the annual Al Smith charity dinner.
He said he was "doubly disappointed" at her refusal to attend. The cardinal has tried to convince the world that she is receiving bad advice. Others have tried to convince her that a change of mind would allow her to show civility, to elevate political discourse, to show she doesn't have anything against Catholics and so on.
Perhaps it would be best to stop here to collect our breath and spend a moment or two reflecting on just who should be placed on the spot for engaging in less-than-civil behavior, as well as contributing to the diminishment of Catholic identity and credibility in the public square.
Even in this era of the endless gush of stuff coming at us on every manner of device, it is possible to cull reality from it all. In the case of Trump, the material almost outruns social media's ability to keep up.
The sin here is not that Kamala Harris had the good sense to reply, "No thank you, I'm previously engaged." The real scandal is that the good Catholic cardinal of the great city of New York would not have the courage to say, this year, that the current Republican candidate is a walking example of so much the Catholic Church finds repugnant in today's politics that he would suspend the normal invitations.
#catholic church#al smith dinner#kamala harris#donald trump#cardinal timothy dolan#project 2025#american right-wing catholic bishops#nobody expects the spanish inquisition#my gifs
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so american
wanda maximoff x fem!reader
summary: in which you struggle with the aftermath of your relationship with natasha, but wanda never fails to help you through it all.
or, the one based off so american by olivia rodrigo.
word count: 11,499
tags: fluff, angst, natasha being a bitch in one scene, this was supposed to be completely fluffy but then i added angst and ended up loving it, they're mostly just two idiots in love, reader gets insecure a couple times, wanda's so in love, everyone say thank you to olivia rodrigo for fuelling all my fic ideas
part one: enough for you
âWhy do Americans drive on the right side of the road,â Wanda grumbles as she sits behind the wheel, driving the two of you to your favorite road trip destination, your familyâs cottage in Nevada.Â
You laugh, kissing her cheek. âBaby, Sokovians do too.âÂ
âWell, yeah, but that doesnât mean Iâm happy about it,â Wanda mutters, cursing under her breath when another right-hand turn takes her by surprise.Â
âI think thatâs what you get for getting your license in the UK, Wanda,â you tease. âNow youâre all grumpy, and angry, and that milkshake we shared a couple of hours ago definitely didnât helpââ
Wanda gives you a look and you give a cheeky smile in return.
âFor the record,â she replies, looking at the road once more. âI didnât have a choice. I was on a recon mission with Steve, and he told me I couldnât rely on my powers for transportation all the time.âÂ
âWell, I think your powers are hot, though.âÂ
Wanda laughs. âThanks, detka.âÂ
âJesus, Iâm cold,â you mutter as goosebumps start to form on your skin.Â
Wanda immediately turns down the AC in the car, and you reach into the back for the first piece of outerwear you can find. As you pull your hand back to your body, you realize itâs Wandaâs navy blue hoodie, your favorite piece of clothing of hers. Smiling, you pull it over your head, comforted by the scent of her that enraptures your senses.Â
Sighing in satisfaction, you lean your head back into your chair, feeling so much more content than you did a year ago.Â
Wanda notices you out of the corner of her eye, and softly says, âYou look so pretty wearing my clothes.âÂ
You smile at her, and Wanda takes your hand in return, as she keeps her other on the wheel, intertwining your fingers together.Â
âYouâre so warm,â you whisper, feeling so so loved.Â
Wanda squeezes your hand tighter.Â
***
Wandaâs laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world, you realized the first day you met her.Â
You had been sitting and talking the entire morning, Wandaâs smile awakening the constant butterflies in your stomach and setting your heart alive.Â
âSo,â Wanda rests her chin onto her hand and leans onto her elbow. âWhat profession are you in?âÂ
You smile, âIâm an oncologist, but I much prefer the research aspect of things. I find it thrilling.âÂ
Wanda scrunches her nose. âYou find spending countless hours in front of your computer and in a lab thrilling?âÂ
You laugh. âSure do. What about you? What profession are you in?âÂ
âIâm an Avenger, but I work part-time as an English professor at a local university,â Wanda replies, and before you can compliment her on her work as a superhero, she asks another question, still curious about your job. âWhy oncology, though?â she asks with her shiny eyes ever so inquisitive.Â
âMy mom died of cancer when I was 8,â you look into your coffee cup, staring at the liquid as you pop the lid off. âYou can probably figure out the rest,â you give a small smile.Â
Wanda frowns. âIâm sorry.âÂ
âDonât be, it was a long time ago. Iâve made peace with it, honestly.âÂ
âThatâs really amazing though,â Wanda says, struck by how beautiful you were on the outside and inside.Â
You blush. âThanks.â Feeling overwhelmed by everything Wanda was making you feel you decide to tell a joke. âHey, what do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?â
Wanda tilts her head curiously. âWhat?âÂ
âRe-morse code,â you give a small smile.Â
Wanda takes a second to process it, but once she does, a huge grin makes its way on her face and sheâs laughing.Â
Sheâs laughing, and you want to keep hearing it for the rest of your life.Â
Once sheâs done, she looks at you with a shake of her head. âThat was awful.âÂ
You shrug. âMade you laugh, though.âÂ
âYou did,â Wanda nods. âAnd something tells me youâll keep making me laugh.âÂ
You blush, people had never really found you funny. Nat didnât especially.Â
But here Wanda was, with her comforting smile that made you feel like you were on fire, and her soft green eyes that made you feel safe, cared for, and loved already.Â
Who made you feel like you were funny for the first time in your life.Â
***
âHere we are,â Wanda says, stepping out of the car and slamming the door shut.Â
You sigh contently, so incredibly happy compared to the dark place you were at two years ago. Sometimes, you still felt the weight of how unloved you had felt. Of how you never felt good enough, never felt worthy of someone caring for you. And every time you ran back into your thoughts, Wanda was there to pull you out of your head and reassure you that you deserved the world. Telling you that she would do her best to give it to you.Â
It all felt surreal. Gently, you hear Wanda open the car door to the passenger side. The simple action made your heart flutter. âReady, detka?â she says, smiling at you.Â
Nodding, you exit the car, planting a kiss on her lips before she shuts the door.Â
Putting her sunglasses on, she comments, âYou know, youâre pretty American for having a cottage. With the beach, and everything.âÂ
âIs that supposed to be a compliment?â you ask.Â
âYep, because youâre an adorable American,â she smiles, kissing you quickly.Â
It wasnât fair of her, to make you feel this much.Â
***
Wandaâs on a mission in Russia, and you miss her desperately. You found yourself struggling whenever you were alone, still grappling with the feelings of whether you were enough from two years ago. Your rock was all the way on another continent, too far to reassure you of the constant echoes of awful thoughts that rang in your head.Â
âCan I go with you?â you had asked as you sat on Wandaâs bed while she packed the night before with you.Â
Wanda kisses your lips. âAs much as I would love that, detka, I want you to be safe,â she rubs your arm.Â
âIâm gonna miss you,â you say quietly.Â
Wanda frowns. âI know, baby, Iâm gonna miss you too. So much.âÂ
You nod, and as you sit quietly on her bed, Wanda can tell your head is somewhere else.Â
Grabbing your hand softly, Wanda sits in front of you, staring into your eyes. âWhatâs going on?â
âNothing,â you look away.Â
Kissing your forehead gently, Wanda pulls back with encouraging and comforting eyes. âI love you,â she says softly.Â
And itâs all you need, because itâs the most delicate, soft, unspoken gesture youâve ever heard. One that screams that she cares, that she wonât leave you, that she wonât hurt you, and that she truly honestly loves you with all her heart and you can feel it radiating off of her.Â
Wanda Maximoff made you feel like you were the most important person in the world to her.Â
Little did you know, you truly were, and to confirm it Wanda had a ring in her back pocket which she bought a week after she started dating you with her at all times.Â
âI love you too,â you reply, giving her a small smile. âI just want to be anywhere you are,â you confess as you start blushing timidly.Â
âOh? Thatâs cute,â Wanda teases.Â
âShut up,â you groan, hiding your face in the crook of her neck.Â
Wanda laughs, kissing your temple. âI do too, detka.âÂ
âReally?â you pull your head away to meet her gaze.Â
âOf course,â Wanda smiles. âBeing with you is my favorite thing in the world. Why wouldnât I want it all the time?âÂ
You blush furiously. âYou know, if you keep this upââÂ
âWhat?â she asks gently.
I might just marry you. You think, oblivious to the fact that Wandaâs already had the thought countless times.Â
You shake your head with a smile.Â
***
When Wandaâs on her mission, she buys a small chocolate chip cookie keychain that reminds her of you. They were your favorite food, and every Sunday, Wanda made sure to bake a fresh batch for the week so you never had to run out of one of your favorite things.Â
And when she gets back, only seconds after she puts her bags down she feels her arms fill with you and her heart becomes so much bigger than it was before. She kisses you deeply, smiling to herself at the person she loves in her arms.
Whispering against your lips, she pulls the keychain out of her left back pocket, her right one carrying the ring sheâs planning on proposing to you with. âI bought this for you,â she tells you, letting it dangle off of her index finger by the silver ring that she later finds out gets attached to the zipper of your favorite backpack.Â
And God, Wanda would be a fool not to be eternally charmed by the way your eyes light up with joy once you see it, the happy tears in your eyes making her want to hug you so tightly and never ever let go. âI love it,â you reply, grabbing it softly as if itâs made of the most delicate china. âI love you,â you kiss her lips.Â
Wanda shakes her head. âSo American,â she teases, referring to your love for chocolate chip cookies.
âYeah, but Iâm your American,â you reply cheekily.Â
Wanda nods, kissing you once more. âMy beautiful, perfect, so American girlfriend.â Â
Wanda feels her heart skip a beat when you blush all over.Â
***
Youâre crying. Youâre crying because you saw Natasha for the first time since the two of you broke up, and her words donât hurt any less than they did when the two of you were dating. Natasha had just seen you and Wanda, wrapped up in each otherâs arms, admiring one another at Tonyâs enormous birthday party.Â
Once Wanda had left to go let Pietro in, who had run back all the way from Australia where he was taking a break from the superhero life, Natasha had come up to you. Ready to poison your world with her venomous tongue.Â
âYou know, sheâll get sick of you,â Natasha had snapped you out of your thoughts as you stared at the door where Wanda had just left.Â
âWhat?â you reply as you turn to face her on the leather stool. Her calculating and judging eyes causing you to gulp. Even now, you still felt her hurtful words ring the bells of your insecurities back to life.Â
âSheâll get sick of you,â Nat repeats. âI mean, why do you think we broke up? Youâre boring, youâre rude, and youâre obsessive. All my friends told me about how you couldnât shut up about me when we were together. I mean, clingy much?âÂ
âI didnât meanââ you try.Â
Nat scoffs. âYeah, whatever.â She takes a sip of her drink.
You feel the need to apologize, for you never meant to make Nat feel suffocated that way, when suddenly a brunette witch is making her way over to you. And she looks like sheâs about to rain down hellfire on Natasha.Â
âExcuse me.â Wandaâs eyes narrow as she wraps an arm around your shoulder. âI believe sheâs my girlfriend, Natasha.âÂ
âJust warning her.â Natasha shrugs. âAnd you.âÂ
You stare at the spot on your lap, deciding on whether or not to blink away the tears in your eyes or cry, because ever since you dated Natasha you had learned how to cry silently so you wouldnât bother her.Â
Wanda raises an eyebrow, and her accent comes out thicker than ever before, âAnd what would you be warning me about?âÂ
âOf her,â Natasha shrugs.Â
Wandaâs eyes go red before she calms down, and her arm around you tightens in the most gentle way somehow. âIâll give you five seconds to leave us alone.âÂ
âYouâre gonna regret this, Wanda,â Natasha says.Â
âThe only person with regret is you, for never treating her the way she deserves to be treated,â Wanda replies sharply.Â
Natasha scoffs, turning around. âAs if she deserves anything.âÂ
Suddenly, Natashaâs glass explodes in her hands, âcausing everyone in the party to look her way. You can tell it was Wanda based on the way you saw a spark of red flash in her hands briefly.Â
Natasha turns and narrows her eyes venomously at Wanda, before stalking off to go clean the cut thatâs very visible on her hand.Â
Youâre still staring at the same spot on your lap when Wanda turns to face you, cupping your cheeks in her hands as she looks at you.Â
âAre you alright, milaya?â she asks, the heartbroken expression on your face making her heart drop to her stomach. You didnât deserve this. You didnât deserve this at all.Â
âDo you hate me?â you whisper brokenly, the tears finally escaping your eyes as you can no longer keep them at bay.Â
âNo, baby, no,â Wanda wipes the tears running down your cheeks with her thumbs. âI could never, ever, hate you.âÂ
âWhat did I do to make her hate me so much? Whatâs wrong with me?â you ask with a sob.Â
âNothing,â Wanda feels her own tears build up behind her eyes. âNothing is wrong with you, baby, youâre the most amazing human being I know.âÂ
And Wandaâs heart breaks even more, as you cry more and more, silently.Â
Somehow, itâs even more heartbreaking than if you were to ever make a sound.Â
You cry even more as you replay tonightâs events in your head, still in the navy blue dress Wanda had picked for you for the party, telling you how pretty you looked once she saw you in it. You felt so wrong, like you didnât deserve any of what Wanda was giving you, like she would get sick of you the same way Natasha did. Because maybe Natasha was right, maybe you didnât deserve anything. Because if you did deserve anything, then why would Natasha treat you so awfully, why would your mom have left you as a child and why would your brother leave you too, so overridden with the pain of the lack of your mom that he couldnât bear to watch you, leaving you with your abusive father who reeked of alcohol every night.Â
The thoughts sicken you, because your mother never ever meant to have cancer. And it wasnât your brotherâs fault that he couldnât handle a life without your beautiful, loving mother in it. And it wasnât your fatherâs fault either that he had a drinking problem.Â
Maybe it was all your fault.Â
You hear the knock on your door, and you can tell by the pattern that itâs Wanda. âDetka, can I come in?â she says gently from the other side of the door.Â
Quietly, you get up from your bed, turning the doorknob, and opening the door. The motions feel unnatural to you, like youâre some stranger whoâs been playing the role of having a loving girlfriend, but your world was shattered earlier and you donât know who you are anymore. You donât know if you deserve anything anymore.Â
âOh, baby,â Wanda says heartbroken as she wraps you in a tight hug.Â
This was your fault, seeing the sad look in her eyes you realize that you hurt Wanda.Â
You hurt the one person in your life whom you never meant to hurt.Â
It was all your fault.Â
You hug her back, because maybe if you hug her back it would make her feel better and it would be less of your fault.Â
Wanda tightens her grip on you, wanting to convey how much she loves you. Wanting to convey how much you didnât deserve any of this. Wanting to wordlessly tell you that despite all the pain youâve been through you handle it with so much grace, and youâre the most beautiful person Wandaâs ever met in her life.Â
But Wanda can tell that youâre not okay, that your mind is somewhere elseâ
Then she hears you sob. And itâs the first sound of a cry that Wandaâs ever heard from you.Â
And Wanda can feel the tears fall onto her shoulder and she holds you tighter, she holds you tighter and tighter until Natashaâs hurtful words are overrun by Wandaâs overwhelming love she feels for you.Â
Wanda can only hope you understand what sheâs saying.Â
And once youâre done crying at 3 in the morning, she keeps hoping.Â
***
Wandaâs worried about you, ever since Nat had spoken to you at the party you had been more quiet. More reserved. Like your mind was somewhere else.
âBaby?â she asks one morning when youâre both alone in the compound and Wanda wants to cook you breakfast.Â
âYeah?â you ask, staring absentmindedly at the sitcom running on the TV.Â
You were ecstatic when the first day Wanda met you, you had both found out about your shared love for sitcoms.Â
But Wanda watches you know, the complete lack of interest in Malcolm in the Middle worrying her because it was your favorite sitcom of them all and typically you would have a completely enraptured look in your eye. The same one Wanda was lucky enough to receive from you.Â
Frowning, Wanda pauses in her cooking, turning the heat off the stove and coming over to meet you on the couch.Â
You donât register when Wanda sits down next to you, still lost in your thoughts as she gently grabs your hand.
âWhatâs going on?â she asks softly, running her thumb over the back of your hand.Â
âNothing,â you reply, sitting up slightly.Â
âDetka, I know youâre not okay. And you donât have to tell me anything you donât want to, but just know that I care about you, ok?â Wanda kisses your forehead gently. âIâm always here if you need me.âÂ
You frown, feeling so guilty that you were making Wanda worried about you. You couldnât pretend to be okay, and now youâve hurt her even more. How long until she gets sick of you? How long until she gets sick of the feelings you give her? Â
âHow longââ your voice breaks. âHow long until you get sick of me?âÂ
âWhat?â Wanda asks, dumbfounded.Â
âI keep making you worry, keep making you need to constantly reassure me, and it must be so tiring for you, so,â you shut your eyes tightly. âHow long until you donât want me anymore?âÂ
Wandaâs heart breaks. âNever,â she breathes out. âI could never stop wanting you, even if I tried.â Wanda squeezes your hand tightly. âAnd I would never want to try.âÂ
âBut Iâmââ you bite your lip to stop a cry from coming out. âIâm so much to deal with, and Iâm not even that interesting, and it would be so much easier for you to date someone whoâs actually worthy of how amazing you areââÂ
Wanda cuts you off with a kiss. Cupping your cheek, she states, âYou are so worthy of love, Y/N.âÂ
You stay silent, staring back at her green eyes and feeling them pull you out of toxic puddle that was your thoughts like they always did.Â
âLoving you is the greatest gift the world has ever given me,â Wanda says, rubbing her thumb against your cheek. âAnd I could never get sick of you. You are the most incredible thing to ever exist, and loving you, for me, is like breathing. Itâs the easiest thing in the world, and itâs everywhere.âÂ
âI just feel like Iâm putting you through a lot,â you say quietly.Â
âYouâre not,â Wanda shakes her head. âYouâre actually making everything I go through easier than itâs ever been.â
âIâm sorry,â you say.Â
âSorry for what?â Wanda asks. âThis is everything I love about you.âÂ
You laugh. âYou like when I start crying and get insecure?âÂ
âI like every part of you. And if you need me to calm you down every single day, Iâll do it in a heartbeat,â Wanda replies, and you smile slightly at her. âBut I do hate seeing you cry.â She frowns.Â
You scoff. âI hate feeling like this,â you mutter.Â
âAnd I hate Natasha for making you feel like this,â Wanda pulls you into her side and you tuck your head into her shoulder, closing your eyes.Â
âI donât think it was just her,â you say softly. âI think it was a buildup of everything, and Nat just amped it up more. I never really worked through how much that relationship affected me before jumping into one with you.âÂ
Wanda nods. âDo you want me to give you some space for you to figure it out?âÂ
You shake your head, wrapping your arms around her waist. âI never wantââ you stop yourself, worrying sheâll find you too clingy as Natâs words ring in your head again. Space from you.Â
Wanda doesnât mean to, but your thoughts echo so loudly in your head that she canât help but hear them. And she wants to kill Natasha all over again. âWhat did Natasha say to you at the party?â she asks quietly.Â
âUm,â you grapple with your feelings as you relive that night, when Nat made all of your feelings of inadequacy come alive once more. Wanda frowns, rubbing her palm against your side to calm you down. âShe said, thatâ, that you would get sick of me eventually. That Iâm boring. And rude. And,â you swallow past the lump in your throat. âToo clingy.âÂ
âWhat a bitch,â Wanda mutters.Â
âDo you think sheâs right?â you ask Wanda, squeezing her waist tighter as your fears that Wanda will get sick of you come alive, and these are your last few moments with the person who lit up your entire world.Â
âNo, baby, sheâs so so wrong,â Wanda replies, her eyes turning red before she looks down at you and frowns as she sees your eyes squeezed tightly shut.Â
âThe clingy one hurts me the most,â you whisper. âAll I wanted was to love her and for her to love me back. But maybe Iâm too much.âÂ
You recall all the times you memorized her new coffee order every few months, the countless hours you had spent re-reading her self-help books, memorizing every fact, listening to all of her favorite songs from the information you had gathered about her. And the way you felt so proud to be Natashaâs girlfriend, the greatest assassin in the world and she chose you to be her partner. How could you have not talked about her?Â
Maybe it was too much?Â
âI think youâre the most amazing person in the world,â Wanda says, as her powers run amok once more and she sees all the lovely gestures you had done for Natasha. âI think Nat was an idiot for not seeing how kind and loving you are. And you are never too much.âÂ
You look up at Wanda as she looks down at you with a small smile. Kissing your forehead softly, she says, âYouâre not boring. And youâre not rude. In fact, youâre the most interesting person Iâve ever met, as well as the kindest. And if someone is lucky enough to be loved by you, they should realize how rare it is to find someone as incredible as you.âÂ
You shake your head softly in disbelief. âHow do you do it?â you ask.Â
âDo what?âÂ
âMake me feel like Iâm actually worthy of being loved.âÂ
Wanda kisses you deeply this time.Â
âYou are, Iâm just the one who helps you see it.âÂ
Later that night, Wanda hears you on the phone with one of your oncology friends, and she hears you talk about her. How amazing she is, and how lucky you are to have her. And when she sees you flop back onto the bed through the crack of your door, an elated expression on your face, as you speak dreamily about the way Wanda dresses and the books she reads, Wanda thinks that youâre the greatest thing the world has ever created. And she knows itâs true.Â
***
âBaby?â you say, turning to face Wanda in the dark in your bed. Wanda has her arm over your side, and she hums groggily as she was about to fall asleep.Â
âWhatâs going on?â she asks, her voice still heavy with sleep.
âNothing,â you say quickly, before slowly saying, âItâs just, I really, really, love you.âÂ
Wanda smiles. âYou woke me up to say that?âÂ
âI didnât know you were basically asleep,â you reply guiltily. âGuess the mission wore you out more than a night-shift wears me out. Sorry.âÂ
Wanda kisses you. âDonât be, youâre adorable.âÂ
âCan I tell you something?âÂ
âOf course, milaya.âÂ
âItâs really hard to sleep when youâre next to me,â you confess.
Wanda grins into the dark. âOh, yeah? Is it because Iâm so attractive?âÂ
You laugh. âYes,â you reply, and Wandaâs grin turns smug. âBut itâs also because itâs so surreal that Iâm with you, at all. And itâs even more surreal that youâre in my bed with me, cuddling me, and youâre so warm and soft and it just makes me want toââÂ
Wanda cuts you off with a kiss.Â
God, she was so in love with you.Â
You grin sheepishly, âSorry.âÂ
Wanda rolls her eyes. âStop apologizing, detka.âÂ
âOkay,â you nod. Â
âFeel better?â Wanda asks, and you understand her question. Itâs been a month since Nat confronted you at the party, and moments like this were a big step for you in coming to terms with yourself overall.Â
âMuch,â you reply. âEspecially because youâre here.âÂ
Wanda smiles. âIâm glad.âÂ
Wandaâs heart swells when she cuddles you once more, and you hold her hand thatâs around your middle as tightly as you can. She feels an overwhelming love for you, and she thinks about the ring in her desk drawer back in her room.Â
***
Wandaâs laughing at your joke on the couch. Wandaâs the only one who has ever laughed at your jokes, and it makes you feel so much lighter than ever before, while also making you fall deeper and deeper in love with the woman youâre lucky enough to call your girlfriend.Â
âYou know, youâre the only person whoâs ever laughed at my jokes,â you say.Â
Wanda smiles. âWell, then everyone else doesnât have as sophisticated sense of humor as we do.âÂ
You give her an incredulous look. âThe first day I met you, you laughed at a stupid pun I made.âÂ
âExactly,â Wanda shrugs. âSophisticated.âÂ
You shake your head with a smile, taking a sip of your tea as your heart feels bigger and more full than you ever thought possible.
And Wanda watches you, awestruck at your striking beauty that she struggles to believe is reality.Â
***
Wandaâs sick. Wandaâs sick and youâre worried because your girlfriend is in pain and you donât want her to be.Â
When you came in this morning back from your shift in the hospital, excited to see her, your heart had dropped at seeing her pained expression in bed, her voice croaky and her brows furrowed as she battled the feeling of nausea that overcame her. Not to mention her shivers as her high fever caused her even more misery.Â
You sat down on the edge of her bed, softly brushing away the strands of hair that stuck to her forehead due to her high temperature, âcausing Wanda to stir eventually.Â
Slowly opening her eyes, her eyes lit up as she greeted you with a soft smile. âHi,â she whispered.Â
Frowning, you put the back of your hand against her forehead. âBaby, youâre warm,â you told her, suddenly very worried.Â
âIâm fine,â Wanda replied, trying to sit up but letting out a groan. âIâm not fine,â she joked, as you helped her lay back down.
âStay here, Iâll go get you some medicine,â you said, kissing her forehead quickly before heading to the cabinets full of medicine in the bathroom.
âDonât take too long, Dr. L/N,â Wanda said sleepily as she shut her eyes once more, trying her best to fight her exhaustion so she would still be awake when you came back.Â
Shaking your head with a smile, you searched through the cabinets to find the proper medication to give her, already planning how you were going to take care of her the rest of the day and for as long as she needed you while she combatted her illness. Despite your worry, you were grateful that you were finally able to take care of your girlfriend, the same way she did to you every single day.Â
Wandaâs condition had subsided slightly, particularly her fever which had gone down quite a bit, but she was still feeling most of the effects of the sickness.Â
âWands,â you say softly, putting the bowl of soup on her nightstand as you kneel down on her side to wake her up gently with a kiss on her cheek.Â
Wanda wakes from her slumber with a groan, still slightly disoriented causing you to frown. Â
âIs your fever back?â you ask, putting the back of your hand on her forehead like you had done previously this morning. It wasnât as hot as before, calming your worry a bit.Â
Wanda shakes her head before resting it on your shoulder, letting out a sigh. âYouâre so good,â she says, turning her head to kiss your neck gently.
âGood at what?â you say with a laugh.Â
âJust good,â she says contently, relaxing in your presence.Â
âI made you some soup,â you tell her, kissing her temple as she hums.Â
âI donât want it,â she says, muffled by your shirt.Â
âIâll stay with you if you have a couple bites,â you offer.Â
Wanda removes her head from your shoulder and raises a brow. âYou were going to stay with me anyways,â she says matter-of-factly, trying her best to appear intimidating. Â
You smile at her cute expression. Wanda could never be intimidating, especially now when her hair was slightly tousled from her pillow and she was wearing an old T-shirt of yours that was full of wrinkles from her time in bed.Â
She was about as intimidating as a baby sea otter.Â
âNot anymore,â you shrug, âcausing Wanda to narrow her eyes slightly.Â
âWell, you better,â she retorts, crossing her arms over her chest. âOtherwise Iâm never getting over this fever.âÂ
You smile once more.Â
âYou know, youâre really cute when youâre sick.âÂ
âYouâre insufferable when Iâm sick.â Â
You laugh, âPlease, will you have some soup?âÂ
âOnly if you cuddle with me when Iâm better.â
âIâll cuddle you right now if you eat a couple spoonfuls,â you say. âIâll even feed you.â
âI donât want to get you sick,â Wanda says before her eyes narrow at you once more. âAlso, Iâm not a child.âÂ
âI got my flu shot last month,â you tell her, reassuring her worries. âAnd youâre kinda acting like one,â you tease, before kissing her forehead. âBut itâs really cute.âÂ
Finally, Wanda relents. âFine, Iâll have some soup.âÂ
âThank you, love.âÂ
You grab the soup from the nightstand and hand it to her, and as she eats you rest your head on her shoulder, one of Wandaâs top 3 favorite ways to be next to you. Â
She eats about half before sheâs full, and you tell her youâre proud of her before heading off to the kitchen to put the bowl away.Â
However, as you get up from her bed, Wanda stops you by grabbing your wrist.Â
âWhere are you going?â she asks, sitting up slightly as she was already laying back down with the blankets tucked under her chin.Â
âTo put the bowl away,â you respond gently. âKeeping it in your room might make it start to smell like chicken noodle.âÂ
Wanda scrunches her nose, accepting your answer quickly making you laugh.Â
But as youâre about to leave, you see Wanda watching you, staying sitting up and you can tell that itâs because she wants to wait for you to come back.Â
Making your way back over, you gently tell her, âGo back to sleep,â you brush a strand of hair away from her eyes and tuck it behind her ear. âYouâre nauseated again, I can tell.âÂ
âWill you be here when I wake up?â she asks.Â
âOf course,â you kiss the tip of her nose.Â
And when she lies back down, groggily croaking out the words, âso american,â most likely commenting on the chicken noodle soup, you smile, you smile because you know thatâs Wandaâs way of saying she loves you.Â
But to Wanda, itâs also her way of saying she wants to marry you.Â
***
âThis isnât fair,â you pout as Wanda beats you in Mario Kart once again.Â
She had been better for about a week, and she was back to herself which you were ecstatic about.Â
âBaby, how is this not fair,â she laughs.
âYouâre way better than me! You had all those years where you played against Pietro, whoâs unbeatable, and I only learned âcause Sam forced me to when no one else was available!â You cross your arms over your chest.Â
Wanda smiles at the cute pout on your face before kissing you softly, and your expression eases up a bit.Â
âWe can play something else if you want,â she offers, pecking your lips once more.Â
âCan I just cuddle you?â you ask, suddenly feeling very shy.Â
âYou donât even have to ask,â Wanda says, opening her arms for you to lay down on her, as she leans back against the pillow of the couch, your head resting on her chest as youâre comforted by the sound of her heartbeat.Â
You wrap your arms around her waist as she grabs the blanket from the other side of the couch, and pulls it over the two of you, making sure youâre completely covered from the neck down before she tightens her arms around you.Â
âI love you,â you say softly, closing your eyes as you relax to the feeling of Wanda stroking your hair gently as you lay on her chest.Â
âI love you too, detka. So much,â she says, watching as sleep starts to overcome you due to how exhausted you were from being on call for the past two weeks.Â
âYou know, itâs really not fair,â you mutter sleepily.Â
âWhat, me winning over 10 times in a row on the Wii?â she laughs.Â
âNo,â you shake your head. âItâs not fair of you to make me feel this much.âÂ
Wanda responds by kissing your forehead gently, and you burrow deeper into her chest as you fall into a deep slumber.Â
Wanda smiles, content and so so happy as she watches you, feeling the weight of the ring in her back pocket.Â
***
It was your one year anniversary, and Wanda had planned a small weekend getaway for the two of you as you had been exhausted due to a bunch of new projects you were taking on.Â
Wanda was so proud of you, but a lot of the time she felt worried because of how heavy of a workload you were taking on.Â
You were planning on coming over later tonight, as you had to work extra hours in the hospital.Â
So, to make you feel better and to let you know about your vacation Wanda made sure wouldnât interfere with your schedule, she had spent all day cooking you a wonderful 3-course meal which consisted of all of your favorite foods. As well as a large batch of chocolate chip cookies that would last you a solid month so long as you put them in the freezer.Â
She smiled at the thought of you as she rolled out the homemade pasta she was making you, how you had turned her world upside down as she navigated the unfamiliar territory of being the newest and youngest Avenger, just having you made her feel like she was so much better than before, and Wanda fell so so deeply in love with you and she never wanted to stop.Â
She wanted to give you the world.Â
She thought about how kind you were, how you cared so deeply for everyone, always stopping to help wherever and whenever you could. Wanda felt so special to be the partner of someone so undeniably incredible.
Suddenly, the oven beeps, snapping her out of her thoughts as she pulls out the chicken to go along with your pasta, the appetizer of calamari already prepared as it layed on a wire rack, as well as the chocolate chip cookies which she had prepared earlier in the day to make sure she had time to make enough. Â
Once she finished up, she plated the table for the two of you as she had kicked everyone out for her special dinner with you, wanting you all to herself. She smiled as she lit the candles and set up the plates along with the knives and forks, laying the plate of calamari in the middle as she kept her entree and dessert a secret from you.Â
Hearing her phone go off, she grins once she sees that youâve texted that youâve just arrived.Â
Taking her apron off as quickly as possible, she rushes downstairs to open the door for you, exhilarated at the thought of seeing you.Â
Swinging the door open, you smile softly at her while she grins, bursting forward to wrap you in a tight hug.Â
âHi,â you laugh, wrapping your arms around her. âHappy anniversary.â Â
âCan you take a break from doctoring once in a while?â she mutters into your neck.Â
âI wish,â you say, wrapping your arms tighter around her.Â
Once she lets go, she grabs your hand to pull you upstairs, excited to surprise you.Â
âWanda, whatâs the rush?â you ask as you make your way up the stairs.Â
âI missed you too much, come on!â she says, making you laugh.Â
Once you finally make it to the top floor, Wanda stops you from walking any further. âClose your eyes,â she says.Â
You shoot her a look.Â
âTrust me,â she says, pecking your lips quickly.Â
Closing your eyes, you say, âWhat now?âÂ
âOkay, Iâm gonna guide you,â she says excitedly as she stands behind you, starting to lead you to the dining room table.Â
âThis is not how I expected our anniversary to go.âÂ
âJust trust me,â Wanda says.Â
Nodding, you continue to walk in the direction Wanda guides you before she stops you in place.Â
âOkay, ready?â she says and you nod. âThree, two, one, open your eyes!âÂ
You open your eyes, and they widen in shock as you see the most beautiful candlelit dinner youâve ever seen in your life.Â
Wanda has swapped out the regular dining room table for a round one covered in a shiny white tablecloth, as well as swapped out the regular wooden chairs for more expensive looking ones that match the elegance of the table. The plates and utensils are arranged perfectly, along with the restaurant quality napkins that were beautifully folded so they were standing upright, absolutely nothing was out of place, and the calamari in the middle was cooked to perfection, the smell wafting towards you no doubt making you hungry.Â
It looked like Wanda had taken the appearance of a michelin star restaurant and copied it to perfection right here in the Avengers compound.
But what was even more unbelievable was the string of lights she had arranged all throughout the room, from every nook and cranny, the lights brought a hope to the dinner that nearly brought tears to your eyes at how romantic and calm they made the room feel. Â
And finally, to top it all off, right in the middle of the array of candles on the table was a large vase of your favorite flowers.Â
Flowers you had only ever mentioned to her once when she asked you, and you had told her not to worry about it because you could only ever get them in New Zealand. Â
âWhat do you think?â she asks, coming up behind you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder.Â
You quickly turn to wrap her in a tight hug, squeezing so tightly youâre surprised she can even breathe. âI love you,â you breathe out. âSo much.â Â
Wanda laughs. âDoes that mean you like it?â she says teasingly before continuing, âI love you too,â she kisses the crown of your head.Â
Burrowing deeper into her, you mumble, âI canât believe...I canât believe Iâm really here.âÂ
You remember how awful you felt 2 years ago, how hopeless you felt. How unworthy you felt. Now, standing here in Wandaâs arms, who youâre still convinced is much too good to be true, feeling so so loved, everything feels surreal.Â
âI have the same thought about you,â Wanda says, her powers running amok as she accidentally reads your mind again and hears your thoughts about her. âYouâre too good. Sometimes I canât believe you exist.âÂ
âStop,â you say as your cheeks turn red against her neck.Â
âHappy anniversary,â she says softly. âI have another surprise for you.âÂ
That makes you look up. âWhat is it?âÂ
âJoin me for dinner and Iâll tell you,â she says cheekily.Â
âWhy canât you tell me now?â You pout.Â
âNice try, but I didnât spend all day cooking this meal for nothing.â She runs her hands up and down your arms. âBesides, you deserve a nice relaxing dinner after all the work youâve done the past few weeks.âÂ
You look up at her with a shimmering look in your eyes and a lovesick smile on your face.Â
âWhat?â she laughs.Â
âJust happy,â you reply, kissing her lips.Â
âYou deserve it,â Wanda says easily. âNow come on!â
She leads you over to the table by the hand, pulling out your chair for you as you sit down, planting a quick kiss on your lips before sitting down across from you.Â
You share countless smiles and laughs as you have the best dinner of your life, zoning out a couple times as Wanda talks and you simply admire her for everything she is.Â
And as you bite into your chocolate chip cookie after Wanda has revealed the enormous batch she made, sheâs telling you what the surprise from earlier was.Â
âSo, Iâve checked your schedule,â she says excitedly. âAnd since youâre free this weekend I booked us a vacation in Palm Springs! The weatherâs perfect, and youâll finally get to relax after working so hard, plus, they have amazing grass tennis courts and I know youâve been wanting to get back into playing since you donât have much time for it anymoreââÂ
âWanda,â you cut off softly, shaking your head.Â
You canât even begin to comprehend that tonight is real at all.Â
âWhat?â she asks, looking at you with a smile.
âEvery time I start to think you couldnât get more perfect you justâŠâÂ
âI get the same feeling about you,â she says, making you blush. âBut Iâm not perfect.â She takes a hold of both of your hands and rubs her thumbs over the backs softly. âHowever, I do love you, so much, and I want to show it.âÂ
âWell, youâre perfect for me,â you reply, meeting her gaze and smiling softly as the two of you just stare at each other. But suddenly, it clicks in your head. âHow did you know I used to play tennis?âÂ
Wanda blushes before she starts off shyly, âUm, before we started dating I went to your hospital to see if you were there, but you werenât so I may have asked your oncology friends a couple things about you.âÂ
âSo you stalked me?â you tease.Â
âI couldnât help it I had a crush on you!â she defends, letting go of your hands and putting her head into her arms. âI still have a crush on you.âÂ
âHow embarrassing,â you comment with a chuckle.Â
âItâs not embarrassing,â she defends as she lifts her head from her arms. âHave you seen how pretty you are?âÂ
You blush, ducking your head down so your hair covers your face slightly. Even after a year of dating Wanda always managed to fluster you to no end.Â
âWow, now whoâs embarrassed,â Wanda teases back.Â
âShut up, I hate you,â you say, embarrassed.Â
âWow, thatâs not very American of you,â she says with a chuckle.Â
âTake that back,â you say, lifting your head and narrowing your eyes at her.Â
âIf you say yes to the Palm Springs trip.âÂ
âI thought I already said yes.âÂ
âNot verbally,â she emphasizes.Â
âIâll go anywhere you go,â you say easily.Â
âCute cop-out, but I need the word yes,â she says, sitting up and kissing your lips quickly before sitting back down.Â
âYes,â you relent with a smile. âIâll go to Palm Springs with you.âÂ
âGood,â she smiles before a mischievous twinkle brings itself out in her eyes. âSo Iâll get to watch you play tennis all weekend. I can already imagine how hot thatâll beâŠâÂ
âWhy do you insist on teasing me?âÂ
ââCause you look so cute when youâre flustered.âÂ
You shake your head, taking a bite of your chocolate chip cookie to distract yourself from the way Wanda was making you feel.Â
But instead she decides to mess with you even more, softly saying the words âso americanâ as she watches you.Â
And Wanda telling you she loves you made you the most flustered of all.Â
***
You had gotten Wanda a necklace for your anniversary, and she had gotten you a bracelet with both of your initials on them.Â
Now, waking up in your hotel in Palm Springs, you smile once you see the bracelet on your wrist. You turn in bed to see if Wanda was there, but you frown once you see the empty spot next to you.Â
Where was she?Â
You wonder where she could be, because she would never leave to go to breakfast without you, nor would she head out without telling you where she was going after waking you up with a soft kiss.Â
You donât know where she could have gone.Â
But soon, your question is answered as she enters the room, a large tray of your favorite breakfast foods in her hands as she greets you with a smile.Â
You tilt your head in confusion.Â
âHi,â she says, setting down the tray and kissing you on the lips. âI made you breakfast.âÂ
Your heart flutters and your stomach fills with butterflies. âHow did you manage to do this?âÂ
âTurns out that locked room isnât a closet, but a tiny kitchen,â she explains, pointing to the aforementioned room. âI found out after I woke up early this morning by accident.âÂ
âI missed you,â you say, hugging her side. âWhereâd you get the food from?âÂ
âMagic,â she replies easily.
âOh, right, I forgot Iâm dating a witch,â you chuckle, hugging her tighter.Â
âIâm not a witch,â she says defiantly. âI was voted most powerful Avenger at Tonyâs ceremony last year.âÂ
âTheyâre right,â you say, looking over to the breakfast tray and smiling once you see the gorgeous rose that lays on its side. âBut that doesnât mean youâre not a witch.âÂ
âIâm a not-witch whoâs really in love with you.âÂ
âAnd Iâm a not-doctor whoâs really in love with you.âÂ
âWell, then we agree to disagree,â she says, putting the tray in front of you, silently telling you to start enjoying your meal.Â
âMhm,â you say, eating a forkful of the omelet she had prepared and moaning at the taste. âWhereâd you learn to cook?âÂ
âMy mother taught me, back in Sokovia,â she says quickly, heat flushing to her cheeks after she hears the sound you had made. Shifting from her position on the bed to move behind you, she gently shifts you forward slightly so she can sit behind you and outstretch her legs as she wraps her arms around your middle. Â
You lean your head back to rest against her shoulder. âShe taught you really well,â you say, closing your eyes.Â
âDetka, are you gonna fall asleep while eating breakfast?â she laughs.Â
âNo, Iâm just savoring this moment,â you reply, kissing her shoulder. âAnd I want to savor this breakfast too.âÂ
âYeah? Iâm that good?â she says with a chuckle.Â
âYou are,â you say, opening your eyes to look up at her. âIn fact, I might marry you right now if you keep this up.âÂ
âIâd do it every day just for you,â she replies, kissing your lips.Â
And when you smile at her, that beautiful smile that makes Wandaâs heart beat faster than she can comprehend, she seriously considers pulling out the ring from her pocket to propose to you right in your hotel room.Â
***
âBaby? Wake up,â Wanda whispers, bright and early in the morning on September 8th.Â
You groan, not wanting to get up.Â
Wanda laughs. âCome on, itâs your birthday,â she says, kissing you on your forehead.Â
âDoesnât that mean I should get to sleep in,â you grumble, burying yourself deeper into the pillows. âCome cuddle with me,â you say, sleepily patting the spot next to you where Wanda had slept last night.Â
âAs much as I would love to, if I cuddle you right now youâre only gonna end up sleeping for another hour. And thereâs a bunch of things prepared for your special day,â she says softly.Â
âAnother hour sounds great, thanks,â you mumble as you start to feel yourself drift off.Â
âNo, no, no, come on!â she laughs, gently pulling the blankets off your body.Â
âItâs cold,â you groan as the air of the room starts to wash over your body.
âBecause you and I sleep in negative degrees,â Wanda says teasingly before gently sitting down on your bed to hug you tightly.Â
After a few minutes, you accept your fate as you sit up with a sigh against the headboard, Wanda letting go of you to grab the glass of water on your nightstand to hand to you.Â
âHappy birthday,â she says softly as you take a sip of the water and she watches you with a smile.Â
You kiss her gently. âThanks.âÂ
âHowâd you sleep?â she asks.Â
âReally well.â You grin. âI got to cuddle with you all night.âÂ
âLast night must have helped tooââÂ
âI will throw this water in your face if you finish that sentence,â you cut her off, starting to blush.Â
âI wouldnât mind,â she says with a smirk. âYouâre really hot when youâre angry.âÂ
âSo, theoretically if I yelled at you, youâd just end up wanting to have sex?âÂ
âFirst,â she says. âYou would never yell at me.â You give her a look, and she just smiles smugly because she knows sheâs right. You were way too nice to ever yell at anyone. Even animals. âAnd second, yes, thatâs usually how that works.âÂ
âYouâre a middle school boy,â you say with a shake of your head.Â
Wanda just smiles before kissing you deeply. âCanât help it.â She brushes a strand of hair away from your face. âYouâre the prettiest girl Iâve ever seen.âÂ
âYouâre the prettiest girl Iâve ever seen,â you say back.Â
Wanda grins. âReady for your birthday?â she asks, standing up from the bed and holding out her hand for you to take.Â
You nod, smiling as you take it and stand up, kissing her quickly before she starts to take you through the day she had planned.Â
And when youâre back, cutting into your birthday cake to hand out to the team members (Natasha was on a mission in Africa) which Wanda had baked, youâre back after a sunrise picnic full of your favorite foods, a relaxing walk across the beach, lunch at your favorite diner, a tour of your favorite locations in New York City as well as somehow meeting your favorite tennis player on the Arthur Ashe stadium of the US Open (you have absolutely no clue how Wanda pulled that off), you turn to your incredible girlfriend, whoâs already staring at you with an adoring gaze in her eyes.Â
Softly, you say, âIâm so in love with you.âÂ
You never knew your heart could ever feel this full.Â
âIâm so in love with you too,â she replies, kissing you in the most gentle way yet somehow still communicating the deepest sense of passion. âHappy 24th, detka.âÂ
You want to cry, you want to cry the happiest tears of your life because, god, you have no idea how you got so lucky to have this woman in your life.Â
But instead, you kiss her on the lips, hoping it says everything you need to.Â
And Wanda knows exactly what youâre saying.Â
***
âOh, my god, what if itâs too much!â you ramble to Yelena as you pace back and forth in your apartment back home.Â
âYouâve been dating her for 4 years, you idiot,â Yelena replies, rolling her eyes.Â
âExactly! What if this is like a 5-year thing, or 7 yearsâ Or, god, I donât know!âÂ
âY/N,â she says, grabbing your attention. âListen, this is ridiculous. That girl is so disgustingly in love with you, you could tell her youâve hated her all this time and she would still think you gave her the sun or something.âÂ
You frown. âI could never hate Wanda.âÂ
âGod, you two are insufferable,â Yelena sighs.Â
But Yelenaâs secretly so happy to see that youâve finally found someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.Â
âHey!âÂ
âFor Godâs sake, just go tell her you donât like ravioli.âÂ
âItâs her favorite food! We eat it every Thursday just for her!âÂ
âItâs actually you whoâs her favorite food.â
âWhat? Yelena, I swearââÂ
Later that day, Wanda accepts your revelation with a smile on her face and a kiss on your cheek.Â
***
âWanda,â you say softly as you two walk hand-in-hand through the streets of New York.Â
âYeah?â she says, turning to face you with a small smile.Â
âSo, I donât want to assume this,â you pause, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. âBut, will you go out to dinner with me?âÂ
Wanda grins. âWeâve been dating for four years and you donât want to assume that Iâll go to dinner with you?âÂ
âWell, you might be busy!â you defend.Â
Wanda laughs. âIâm never too busy for you, milaya.âÂ
âYouâre just saying that. What if thereâs a criminal who shows up out of the blue and youâre needed for superhero business or somethingâŠâÂ
âThen weâll reschedule,â Wanda says, shrugging. âAnd Iâll make sure I always have time for you.âÂ
You bite your lip anxiously. âWhat ifâŠwhat if you donât come back one day?â your voice trembles.Â
âOh, baby,â Wanda says, hugging you. âIâll always come back to you.âÂ
âYou canât know that,â you mumble into her shirt.Â
âBut I do,â she says, holding you by your shoulders and pulling away slightly. âBecause youâre worth every bit fighting for, and Iâll always make sure that I keep fighting until I see your face again.âÂ
Wanda frowns as she watches the tears roll down your cheeks.Â
Wiping them away with her thumb, she says softly, âI love you. Iâll always come back to the person I love most in the world.âÂ
âI love you too,â you reply, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. âSorry.âÂ
âDonât be,â she tells you. âIâm always happy to care for you.âÂ
âIâm really hopelessly in love with you,â you say quietly only for Wanda to hear.Â
âThe feelingâs mutual, detka.âÂ
***
Wanda was going to propose to you tonight.Â
It was almost Christmas, which she had found out in your first year of dating was your favorite time of year (besides her birthday or your guysâ anniversary) because it made you feel like you belonged somewhere.Â
Wanda smiled while she watched you from the couch, biting the nail of your thumb as you thought carefully of which ornament to put next on the Christmas tree.Â
She was so in love with you, your work ethic, how much you cared for her, how loved you made her feel. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with you.Â
âWanda?â you ask, snapping her out of her thoughts.Â
âYeah, detka?â she replies, looking over at you.Â
You point to the box of blue and silver ornaments by her feet. âCan you pass me the silver one shaped like a Christmas tree?âÂ
Nodding, she grabs the ornament from the box and makes her way over to you, hugging you from behind as you placed it carefully on the branch only a little bit taller than you.Â
âHow does it look?â you ask with a smile, turning your head slightly to kiss her on the cheek.Â
âEven better than last year,â she replies, squeezing you tighter.Â
If someone didnât stop her soon, she was going to propose to you right then and there.Â
In order to stop herself, she clears her throat and steps back from you a bit, letting go, hoping you donât notice her actions.Â
However, you know her too well, and you turn to look at her with a small furrow of your brows.Â
Wanda gives an awkward smile. âUm, Iâm gonna get started on the cookies,â she says, pointing towards the kitchen.Â
âOkay,â you say slowly.Â
Wanda nods, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving you to head towards the previously mentioned room.Â
Once Wandaâs in the kitchen, she lets out a sigh, wondering how she was going to get through the day without breaking down due to her nerves. Wanda checked her back pocket, making sure the ring was still there, and felt a sense of relief once she felt itâs black box.Â
She had it planned perfectly. After tonightâs holiday party with the team (which she had exclusively made sure Natasha could not make it), she was going to take you to the coffee shop where you two had first met, then she was going to take you to Shakespeareâs garden where you two had first admitted you loved each other, and she was going to officially propose to you at the firework show she had begged Tony to help her host.Â
Everything had to be perfect.Â
âWanda?â you startled her out of her thoughts as you knocked on the doorway. Furrowing your brows, you ask, âare you alright?â
âWhat? Yeah! Yeah, Iâm fineâŠâ Wanda replies awkwardly, looking down at her feet and shifting awkwardly.Â
You laugh slightly, âBaby, you havenât even started on the cookies.â You walk over to her, seeing nothing but two eggs on the counter in front of her and nothing else.Â
Wanda gulps slightly at your close proximity. How stupid that she had been dating you for 6 years yet you still made her feel like a teenager in high school. âI didâŠâ she says weakly.Â
âOh yeah?â you tease. âHow delicious if we left out two eggs with milk for Old St. Nick?â You pick up an egg between your fingers to show her.Â
âItâll give him something new to try,â Wanda shrugs.Â
Sighing, you put the egg down, and cup your girlfriendâs cheeks in your hands, rubbing your thumbs over them. âWhatâs going on?â you say gently.Â
âJust nervous,â Wanda admits.Â
âNervous for what?â you ask, brushing a tendril of hair away from her face.Â
âYou make me nervous,â Wanda says, relenting as she rests her forehead on your shoulder. âYouâre so perfect,â she mumbles into your shirt.
Your heart feels like it might explode. âI donât understand,â you say as you shake your head. âHow are you the nervous one yet somehow you still make me feel like Iâm gonna burst with happiness?âÂ
Wanda smiles against your shirt. âItâs âcause I love you.â
âAnd I love you,â you reply. Â
âYou know, we still have about 2 hours until Tonyâs partyâŠâ she says suggestively, starting to kiss her way up your neck.Â
âMore than enough time for you to help me finish the tree,â you say lightheartedly.Â
Wanda groans. âI hate you.âÂ
âToo late, youâre stuck with me already.â You grin as you grab her hand and lead her into the living room, the cookies unspokenly abandoned.Â
Little did you know, Wanda wanted nothing more than to be stuck with you for the rest of her life.Â
And tonight, she was going to make it official.Â
***
âWhy the fuck is it so cold,â Wanda muttered, rubbing her bare arms to warm herself up, before intertwining your hands once again. âItâs way colder than the temperature you and I sleep in.âÂ
âBecause Pepperâs here,â you say easily. âAnd Tony turns the place into an ice box just for her.âÂ
âCanât he just invite some sort of nano-machine that keeps it cold for her all the time? Heâs got the money,â Wanda says bitterly.Â
You chuckle. âCome on, grumpy,â you start to pull her onto the dance floor. âThis ought to warm you up.âÂ
Wanda accepts as you wrap your arms around her shoulders and she wraps hers around your waist, the two of you becoming lost in your own little world as you admire one another in your respective dresses.Â
âYou look so pretty,â she tells you, awestruck at your beauty.Â
âSo do you,â you say, taking her in before resting your head on her shoulder, swaying as the two of you try to stay as close as you possibly can.Â
Wanda closes her eyes as she rests her cheek on the crown of your head, feeling so content with you in her arms.Â
âWhen did you first know?â you whisper next to her ear.Â
âWhen you made that stupid pun,â Wanda says, and she giggles once she hears you groan in embarrassment.Â
âThatâs the worst one you couldâve said,â you say, lifting your head up from her shoulder to meet her gaze.
âCanât help it,â she says, kissing you quickly. âIt was so adorable.âÂ
âI still think itâs insane that you actually find me funny,â you shake your head.Â
âIâll laugh at all your jokes,â she replies easily. âItâs one of the reasons I fell in love with you.â
âAre all Sokovians this romantic?âÂ
âAre all Americans this incredible?âÂ
You both grin stupidly at each other before the two of you canât take it and kiss each other deeply, pouring every ounce of love you feel for one another. Â
âNope,â Wanda says as she pulls away. âJust my so American girlfriend.âÂ
You smile, kissing her again, and again, and again.Â
And Wanda thinks it wasnât fair of you either, to make her feel this much.Â
***
âWanda, where are we going?â you laugh as she pulls you through the streets of New York.Â
âI need to show you something, come on!â she says, stopping once you realize where sheâs brought the two of you.Â
The coffee shop where you first met.Â
âWhat are we doing here?â you ask, unable to stop the cheesy grin that makes its way onto your face.Â
âItâs a surprise, come on,â she replies, opening the door for you and letting you in. Once she shuts the door behind her, you turn, and your eyes soften once you see the shiny look in her eyes. âIâm taking you on a tour,â she says, guiding you to the back table where you two had first spoken.Â
âA tour of what?â you say, smiling as you follow her.Â
âA tour of how much I love you.âÂ
And Wanda only falls deeper and deeper in love once she sees the happy tears in your eyes when she reveals your coffee cup from when the two of you had first met, which she had kept all this time.Â
***
âNo way,â you say with awe as your next stop comes into your line of sight, the coffee cup held safely in your hand at your side.Â
âAnd I re-made the batch of cookies we shared that day,â Wanda said, pulling a tupperware of cookies from behind her back as you follow her onto the bridge of Shakespeareâs garden.Â
âWhat made you do all this?â you ask, shaking your head in disbelief as you come up to her to wrap your arms around her shoulders.Â
âItâs a surprise,â she replies, kissing you. âBut for now, I want you to know how much you mean to me.âÂ
âI do,â you say easily. âEvery day.âÂ
âGood,â Wanda grins. âAnd Iâm gonna keep showing you.âÂ
***
Wanda might not even propose tonight.Â
In fact, she doesnât know if sheâll even remember as sheâs lost in awe at how beautiful you look under the stars, holding the rail that separates you from the body of water in front of you while standing on top of a craggly rock, the booming fireworks causing your eyes to shine in a way that makes Wanda want to capture this moment forever.
But, sheâs on a mission.Â
And when it came to you, Wanda always put her best foot forward.Â
âTheyâre so beautiful,â you say, completely in awe as you watch the colors explode in the sky.Â
âJust like you,â Wanda says softly.Â
âYou know, I still really want to know why you did all this,â you say, turning to her and smiling once you see her already watching you. âI didnât miss any special date, did I?âÂ
âOf course you didnât, your google calendar is already filled to the brim,â she replies with a teasing roll of her eyes.Â
âWell, if I didnât have everything booked then you would forget all of your check-up appointments with your doctor,â you reply cheekily.
âYouâre already a doctor.âÂ
âNot the right kind of doctor.âÂ
âYouâre actually exactly my kind of doctor,â Wanda flirts, making you blush.Â
âI hate you. That was awful,â you say as you turn away.Â
And as you watch the fireworks in the sky once again, Wanda decides, nowâs the time.Â
Taking a deep breath and swallowing her nerves, she gets down on one knee.Â
Then, almost robotically, she pulls out the ring, opening the box slowly, as if any sudden movement would cause the whole thing to shatter.Â
She just needed you to turn her way.Â
To turn your head slightly and see her message for you.Â
I want to spend the rest of my life by your side.Â
It feels as if time has stopped.Â
All she feels is the beating of her heart through her chest, the blood pounding in her ears, and her nerves washing over her over and over againâ and all she needs is for you to look. Â
It feels like hours before youâ
Then, you do.Â
And itâs slow, and careful, and gentle, and so you. Â
You gasp.Â
And Wanda shakily breathes out, âWill you marry me, detka?âÂ
Both of your hands cover your mouth, and tears build in your eyes.Â
And Wanda feels the happiest she has ever feltâ
When you croak out a yes.Â
Wanda wants to keep this moment forever. She wants to remember how full her heart feels when she slips the ring onto your finger. The feel of your lips on her own when you kiss her hard through both of your tears and your laughs of disbelief.Â
Itâs the happiest day of her life.Â
And itâs the happiest day of yours, too.Â
***
âIâm so, so, in love with you,â you say as the two of you walk back to your shared home, wrapped in each otherâs arms.Â
âIâm so in love with you too, detka,â Wanda replies, kissing your temple as she holds you close.Â
âWhen you were a kid, did you ever think you were going to have an American girlfriend?â you chuckle.Â
âI never did,â Wanda admits with a smile. âBut I couldnât be happier that I ended up with a beautiful, so American fiancĂ©e.âÂ
You blush at the new title, hiding your reddening face in your fiancĂ©eâs neck. âTonight doesnât even feel real,â you mumble after a moment.Â
Wanda laughs slightly. âYeah, I know the feeling.âÂ
Suddenly, out of curiosity, you ask, âWhen did you buy that ring?âÂ
âA week after we started dating,â Wanda says resolutely.Â
âWhat?â Your head snaps up from her neck.Â
âI just knew,â Wanda says, kissing the tip of your nose. âI knew you were going to be my wife.âÂ
âThatâsâŠâ you shake your head in disbelief. âWow.âÂ
Wanda pulls you closer to her. âIt was the easiest thing Iâve ever known. Wanna know why?âÂ
âWhy?â you ask.Â
âBecause, from the first day I met you, I knew, you were everything to me. And you still are.âÂ
Your eyes start to water. âIâm everything to you?âÂ
âYou are,â Wanda nods, kissing the crown of your head with so much tenderness it makes you want to cry.Â
But, you donât start to cry because of the kiss.Â
And you donât start to cry out of joy although you really, really want to.Â
No. The tears finally escape your eyes as you realize that you finally have everything youâve ever wanted.Â
That youâre finally, finally everything to somebody else.Â
âYouâre everything to me too.âÂ
#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda x reader#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wandamaximoff#wanda maximoff fluff#marvel mcu#mcu#wanda x you#wanda x y/n#wanda marvel#wanda imagine#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#wlw post
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Yeah, I know, no one expected the Spanish Inquisition. I don't even know if this fandom is still alive, but⊠Let's consider I simply need to find closure from my deep youth, when I tried to draw fanart based on American McGee's Alice, but couldn't manage it. Thanks to Dune for raising my skill. And, of course, these are not the last postcards.
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In the world of British Spyre, we cut to the Hudol's School of Explorers Extraordinaire! A place where young students learn the ways of globetrotting shenanigans in search of love, war, and treasure seeking.
We cut to Kristen Applebees, an aggressive party girl who is ready to thrash and snog with the best of them. More specifically she's snogging her boyfriend
Fabian Aramais Seacaster, a quiet gentle poet who read the grand tales of adventures that his family legacy provides, especially of his Mother, Admiral of the Fallinel Navy. His shyness eventually broken by joining the Hudol Football League, along with his friend
Gorgug Thistlespring, the resident bad boy on campus. Growing up adopted in a lowerclass family, he is consistantly angry when anyone gives him shit about it. Which results in many fights and detentions on school grounds, not like he cares. But he's not the only fish out of water cause he's friends with
Adaine Abernant, an American transfer student. Her parents are Ambassadors who are trying to make a good impression, so Adaine is working on learning the slang and behaviors of her peers. Where she comes off as a bit brash and ignorant. But she's more than ready to learn, especially from
Riz Gukgak, the inquisitive mind of Hudol's greatest academic student. His dad a gentlemanly spy, his mother a police Sargent. He was taught from a young age a love of investigation, forensics, law, and learning. There's no such thing as useless information, only information not yet applied. But his talent in academia is only rivaled by
Figeroth Faeth, extra curricular extraordinaire. She can only even accept perfection in everything she does. Theater, Art, Classical Music, Martial Arts. Nothing is out of her reach to master. And nothing, not even her parent's divorce, her crumbling life, will keep her from her craft. Though she can at times learn how to let loose, go wild, and take a break from resident party girl Kristen Applebees
And these are our Hudol Hunters! Say Hi Hudol Hunters!
#british kristen#has inspired me#also bad boy Gorgug#peak#love#british fabian#british gorgug#british riz#american adaine#hudols#spyre#d20#d20 fhjy#fhjy#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#british fig#dimension 20#my response
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this is a rather more cogent expression of something ive tried putting into words before
People spend a lot of time arguing about whether this or that use of "fascist" or "socialist" is excessively broad or excessively narrow, but regardless, these words get thrown around a lot. On the other hand, a word that I think gets less discourse than it should is "totalitarian."
A big distinction between authoritarianism and totalitarianism is that an authoritarian system doesn't care about the political commitments of its subjects, or rather, it doesn't want them to have any. "Leave politics to the people in charge, keep your head down, do what you're told, and you'll be fine." By contrast, a totalitarian system considers having no political commitments to be somewhere on the spectrum between disreputable and criminal. It demands ideological commitment even in private life.
When you have this framing in mind, it is hard to miss the totalitarian tendencies around you. On the one hand, the religious right (now sometimes fronted by people who aren't even religious, a la Chris Rufo) has always had totalitarian tendencies. And what else would you call making it a firing offense for a teacher to refer to her wife in casual conversation, or the attempt to ban people from choosing which books to read at the library, or allowing coaches to coerce student athletes into prayer sessions?
But the puritanical left is also like this. Not (currently) in the sense of using the law to compel ideology, but in the sense that they take "the personal is political" to an extreme. The idea that one might be allowed to just enjoy books or games without considering whether their content serves the needs of social justice is anathema to them. What is one to call the accusation that its some sort of obscene privilege to want to occasionally take a break from thinking about politics, because of the false premise that members of marginalized populations never have the opportunity to do so, if not "totalitarian"? (The absurd take that atheists lean right-wing is downstream of this; "atheism plus" is the totalitarian impulse to say that nothing can ever be about anything else except "social justice" as defined by its totalitarian adherents.)
This tends to get branded as people "making their politics their personality," which isn't necessarily incorrect, but also wildly understates how frightening it should be to have people like that in positions of power.
#(not specifically re: content unless it's the content of thoughts but people's reactions to good-faith questions can be quite telling#1.impossible to rid oneself of any insidious evil lurking one's own heart whilst worrying about one's social stench/possible offences given#(how perfectionism/rigidity leads to hypocrisy)#2. every person absolutely has the right to defend their own interests. full stop.#yet sometimes it appears there is some force which introduces false competition and makes white noise of genuine argument#it's difficult to even ponder why that might be--why there doesn't seem to be a way of approaching politics that could functionally speakin#work a bit better for everyone; put more onus on the individual without placing undue pressure on certain groups -- without resorting to co#conspiracy theories lol. human aims are a lot more synchronised than politics makes them seem with only the extremely wealthy attempting to#chuck a spanner in the works for obvious reasons. at first some american framers' position on commoners having no place in politics seems#unegalitarian and possibly a route to tyranny. and yet if one lacks the attention span to read a serious book (not something indul#indulgent but having a bit of substance in) then that person already sounds childish or shortsighted to anyone else although now they're in#in good company lolol. and these are uni educated types. rendered common by practice not design#3. first world leftist groups are indeed working towards using the law to compel ideology wrt identities. while all people should e#enjoy equal protection under law from bodily harm & harassment there is no good precedent for legislating for beliefs#adherents turn out their pockets and one glimpses some inquisition rubbish#people can be forced to say certain things under duress but they won't believe them & it makes the whole ideology look weak
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