#the album being full of yearning...

[viir-tanadhal]

nonetheless and loneliness still don't feel fully real. wdym i was right...

[radio-4-is-static]

Videos from Toaka's 1st album: 変身のレシピ music videos ҉ lyric videos ☾ shorts

[coquettepascal]

purpose on earth

summary: joel loves to take, you love to give.

tags: 18+, smut, angst(ish), jackson era!joel, cold!joel, grumpy!joel, innocent!reader, dom!joel, implied age gap (reader doesn't remember pre-outbreak), corruption kink, joel takes your undies, humiliation, oral sex (m!receiving), allusion to thigh riding, a feeling of helpless/hopeless-ness permeates this fic, reader is pretty pathetic, use of "sweet girl", objectification of reader, unrequited obsession, this fic isn't necessarily sexy, just mildly sad.

a/n: i literally wrote this like an hour ago while i was supposed to be outlining my next project, but @hellishjoel told me to listen to my creative demons... so now this is being posted.

(1.1k, just a baby)

Nothing in this world has ever, or will ever, belong to you. Faint memories glaze your mind sometimes, when you lay down to rest. Not your own memories, but things you’ve read in books and seen in abandoned family photo albums. White wedding dresses, cars that drive, Sunday night family dinner. An American lifestyle that was sucked away with the cordyceps, something only they could clear out. The bombs the government used, the ones you can’t remember anymore, they never wiped mother earth clean the way she has done for herself.

She’s infected, and not yours. Nothing outside of Jackson’s walls belongs to your human hands.

You’ve never known ownership. The clothes you wear belonged to people before you, the ground you walk on cannot be sold. Maybe in another life this would feel fulfilling, but something in you wants to know what it is to own, or even fit in. Your skin, flushed and healthy, skin full of life and blood and organs. A heart that thumps in a world of disease, disorder, death. What a weird purity you hold, something you want to ruin. 

A person like you isn’t meant to own anything here. It feels like you have to belong, if you wish to take.

He will do it for you. 

Joel knows greed, remembers the world before. His hands have taken food, land, lives, anything you can imagine. It isn’t something you realistically think about, more infatuated with how he has the ability to do all these things. Not that you hadn’t committed your own sins, but to defend yourself isn’t wrong, at least that’s what he says. Something in Joel smolders the way only a primal fire can, he is from a world whose memory of a flame will extinguish soon.

He doesn’t help with any of your wants, your need to own or belong. But Joel shows you what it is to take.

You don’t understand the fascination he has with you. The memory of the night he first led you back to his house is blurry, a fleeting moment in comparison to what has happened since. There was conversation of music, of you having a tape you wish you could play. 

His hands were slow when they slid your underwear down your legs, you hoped he wasn’t looking. Nothing about you felt sexy or womanly, you felt dwarfed when he was so close. Again, you wished you could belong, so maybe you could hide. There was a stain in the gusset and you remember how he pulled the garment off your ankles when it dangled there.

“Lemme see,” he had demanded, “lemme see what I did t’you.”

Joel had smeared his thumb through the sticky wet mark, huffing in surprise. He knew it was for him, knew there was nothing else that could have made you do that. Humiliated, you had tried to yank back your underwear, but he refused.

“S’mine now,” he laughed, cheeks rosy.

That was the first time Joel took from you. 

Now you seek him, the ache for belonging in the world twisting to a yearning for him to take from you. If you could not belong to this world, if you could not fit, at least you could fulfill him. Joel doesn’t like it when you seek him out too often, hates when others notice it. You’re not his, never his, just a moment of gratification for his consuming greed. 

Once, you waited in the early morning at the stables for him. Crouched near the barn door, you waited and watched the dewy grass grow. The crunch of his boots, the yawn he let out as he passed by you, it was enough. He said nothing to you, took off on his horse with some other man trailing behind him. 

“Joel’s so responsible,” you thought to yourself, “he’ll need me later I bet.”

Of course, he did. You relished in the small victory of him stealing from you again. Purity leaks from you in the form of drool on your chin, when he pulls you off his cock. Joel’s thumbs push the spit back in your mouth and you suck it down willingly. Praise rumbles off his tongue and into your ears, a southern rhythm you find sanctuary in. Pushing his dick back into your mouth is all pleasure to him, but it’s a taste of greed for you. 

“Sweet girl, that’s a good mouth f’me, ain’t it?” Joel asks, head tilting back.

He never takes his pants off, but he strips you naked. His eyes arguably take more than his hands ever will. The bob of his Adam's apple hypnotizes your eyes as you garble a response to his question. Scarcely do you make sense around Joel, or even speak. You don’t think you can remember the last time you held a proper conversation with him, he usually just waits for you to come around.

It all starts the same, standing on his porch and waiting until he opens the door.

“Missin’ me?” He asks every time.

Joel doesn’t miss you, he doesn’t need you. He just likes how much you give. But you miss him, as soon as he pushes you out into the cold again you miss him. His greed is your purpose.

And so with your purpose, you push yourself down to the base of him. The waterline of your eyes is welling up fast, distorting your vision of him. You blink up at him like he’ll look down, like you’re more than a mouth. You aren’t, not to him, but you get to admire him like this. The puff of his chest, the swell of his throat, and his hands when they come to rip you off him.

He never pulls your hair, just grasps your face in his worn-down palms and pushes you away before jerking himself onto your naked body. 

“S’nice, you’re so nice t’me,” he grumbles. 

Under the yellow light in Joel’s living room, you feel useful. You’re doing more than surviving in this world. You have a purpose, even if he seldom needs you. He uses the sleeves of his flannel to wipe away the tears that slide down your cheeks, still mumbling about how sweet you are. Naked, smattered in him, you smile. Glittery eyes meet his and he snorts. 

“You were missin’ me, huh?” He teases. 

Joel rubs his thumb across your cheek again, the closest thing you’ll get to his lips on you. In his post-orgasmic haze, he almost looks fond. 

“He almost likes me,” your mind whispers, your stomach fluttering, “it’s almost like I belong.”

And once you’ve nodded in response to his question, messy mouthed and gazing at him, your purpose, he taps his thigh. Blood rushes to your head as you stand, crawling onto him. 

In your obedient mind, you define your efforts for Joel as a purpose, but you think you can taste a hint of belonging each time he spreads your legs. 

[kacievvbbbb]

Wasteland baby! is the most under appreciated of the Hozier albums and truly what an album to be released just before the pandemic what a song to release before the pandemic. During an uncertain time an album about not being alone in a wasteland the way most of the songs are about devotion, to the point of fault, to the point of personal harm, to the point of manipulation, about doing everything to be with this person even when it's detrimental to you both or even when it's a person you've made up in your head, in a year when we couldn’t go out and see each other. Hozier releases an album that puts the yearning for love in the loneliness of the pandemic into words a full year before the pandemic even happened and we don’t even really talk about it and that should be a crime.

True that love in withdrawal was the weepin' of me That the sound of the saw must be known by the tree

god imagine hearing that in a pandemic and not going insane.

in this essay, I will-

[pshbites]

JAPANESE DENIM ━ nrk

pairing : riki x fem!reader genre : fluff, strangers to lovers, yearning, college au warnings : none other than the fact riki is a lovestruck loser synopsis : you find yourself missing the boy from the music store who you dont even know wc : 1.8k a/n : this actually has nothing to do with denim but it IS inspired off the lyric from daniel ceasers japanese denim - you dont even know me, its an interpretation SO i hope u guys like it !

if u enjoyed pls like & reblog, feedback is always appreciated!! also listen to the song linked to get the full experience :)))

“why are we even here man?” riki groaned, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets as he followed jungwon around. 

 if there was anything that tired riki out more than classes, it was probably shopping. with his amazing luck, jungwon dragged him out to get a gift for jays birthday that was approaching. after 2 hours of running around the whole city they were here, at a music store. they sold the usual, records, cds, vinyls, everything of the sort. 

“there’s this oasis record jay really wants, i’m sure it’ll be here” jungwon replied, sifting through the records on the shelf. he stood there, impatiently, hoping jungwon could mysteriously find it but instead jungwon moved to the next section making riki sigh. “just let me know when you’re done” he said, jungwon waving him off as riki navigated through the store. 

he found himself at the all too familiar hip-hop section. that was where he saw you. he didn’t think anyone was in the store when him and jungwon entered but here you were. he tore his gaze away from you and looked at the records in front of him, pretending to look through them. his efforts to distract himself were in vain because he found himself looking at you again. 

you were so pretty. possibly the prettiest girl riki had ever seen, he wasn’t really sure people like you existed. you had this slight pout on your lips, struggling to find whatever it was that you were looking for. he saw the rings on your fingers and smiled softly, you had good taste as well. he could tell that much by your outfit. you were laid back yet still girly, your bag was adorned with keychains of all sorts. he could recognize one being a frank ocean keychain. you had good music taste too. 

his gaze shifted to the records you were sorting through, most of them being kendrick lamar albums but you still couldn’t find the one you were looking for. this was his chance, he could make a move. “some of kendrick’s records could be in rnb.” he mustered up, causing you to finally look his way. he was cute. it was crazy how he looked exactly like your type. you felt your cheeks heating up a little while trying to maintain eye contact with him. “thanks” you replied, smiling softly. 

“dude come on, it’s not here” you heard someone yell out, presumably his friend. you watched the boy turn around and groan slightly. he turned back to you, “nice seeing you” he said, you nodding in return. you watched as him and his friend left, the realization hitting you immediately. you never got his name. 

…

“dani you don’t get it! what if that was my soulmate, what if i never meet him again!!” you groaned out loud in the study room the two of you were. danielle sighed, setting down her pen. “yn come on, don’t be dramatic i doubt he was your soulmate. you spoke like one word to him!” she replied, causing you to look at her. you sat down across from her, leaning over the table.

“yes but what if!” you whined out, making danielle roll her eyes. “yn you have better things to focus on, like our organic chemistry exam. professor jung doesn’t go easy” she sighed out making you frown. you reluctantly sat normally in your chair and pulled out your notebook and laptop. it fell silent amongst the both of you, as you worked on your study material. your mind couldn’t help but wander to the mysterious stranger. 

“do you think he works there?” “yn!! focus!” 

…

riki sighed, sitting down on the couch. all around him was music and flashing led lights. yet all his mind could drift to was you. that’s all his mind has been doing these past couple days. “and now give it up for the birthday boy!” jake yelled out, jay right next to him. riki shifted his gaze to them as he watched everyone cheer for jay. next to him, he felt the couch cushion dip. 

he turned to see sunoo, leaning back in the couch. “what’s up with you?” he said, making riki shake his head. “nothing” he crossed his arms, looking down at the ground. “it’s definitely something, you’re a bad liar” sunoo snickered, shaking his head as he propped his head by his hand, fully turned to riki now. riki looked up and groaned. “it’s just.. is it weird? to feel something for someone you don’t know?” he finally breathed out, looking full to sunoo. 

sunoo furrowed his brows, “not at all” he shrugged, riki nodding. “is this about the record store girl?” sunoo looked to him and riki stayed silent, making sunoo groan aloud. “okay pause you spoke like one full sentence” making riki groan as well. “okay yeah but it’s so weird like.. i don’t even know her yet im like yearning to know her?” 

sunoo sighed and hesitated before speaking up. “who knows, maybe youll see her again and this time actually get her name” he smiled, standing up and walking over to jake who was trying to smash jays face in the cake. he was right. maybe he would see you again. 

…

either sunoo was a psychic or riki finally believed in a little word called fate. because here you stood, looking at the guitar picks. maybe it was fate, that the day jays guitar strings fray and break, is the same day that you chose to come to the instrument store. nonetheless it didn’t matter because this time he was going to approach and talk to you. 

riki cleared his throat softly, looking at the shelf in front of him, something about how to clean your guitar? you looked over to see the same boy from before, clearly not interested in whatever he was looking at. “hi” you spoke, making him turn his head and seem.. surprised? “woah.. what a coincidence you know i didn’t even see you!” riki laughed nervously, scratching the back of neck. 

you smiled softly at his antics, “a coincidence indeed.. i’m yn” you stuck out your hand for him to shake and he smiled, “riki” he replied, shaking your hand, his hand was a bit clammy and he was hoping you couldn’t tell. but you could, and it was adorable. he let go of your hand and walked a little closer to you, now next to you. “do you play?” he asked, presumably asking about the guitar picks. 

“uh no, my friend just recently had a birthday and i didn’t get a chance to go to his party so i’m sort of just buying this as a ‘im sorry’ gift” you giggled a little, turning to face him. riki laughed along with you, then watched as you tried to meticulously pick out the best guitar pick on the shelf. riki hesitated before speaking, “is he uh.. more than a friend?”you turned to face him once more, now smiling. “nosy aren’t you?” you teased, making riki’s cheeks flush pink. 

“uh no- i just um- you know- was curious” he cleared his throat, trying to seem nonchalant which only made you like him even more. “no, i don’t have a boyfriend,” you finally said, making riki smile now. “oh.. cool that’s uh cool” he replied, mentally cheering. you looked back at the picks, choosing one to get for jay. you felt bad enough you missed his birthday party so it was just nicer to get him a gift. 

“so.. do you have any plans after this?” riki hummed, following you through the store as you walked to the register. “hm..” you hummed in thought, making riki even more nervous than he already was. “i guess i’m free,” you replied, smiling. you were already free when he asked you but you just wanted to make him a little nervous. “cool.. cool..” riki said as the two of you reached the register. you handed the worker the guitar pick and reached for your wallet in your bag. 

“riki where were you? i was looking for you!” jay called out, approaching the two of you. jay furrowed his brows as the worker handed you the bag and receipt and you turned around. “oh jay! i wasn’t expecting to see you here.” you said, now making riki even more confused. “how do you guys know each other?” jay pointed to you and riki and you two looked like deers caught in headlights. 

“he’s a friend!” you smiled, looking at him and riki nodding. “yep we are friends” he grinned back causing jay to make a face. “and this is for you, sort of an i’m sorry for missing the party” you handed jay the bag, smiling as he took a peek. “a pick? i lost my old one thanks yn!” he said, smiling back. you nodded in response, now looking to riki who looked to both of you in confusion. “so-“ “i forgot we have plans tonight for dinner, so we gotta get going yn” jay said, before you could even finish your sentence. riki furrowed his brows, about to refuse but jay pulled him by the arm. 

“oh.. uh bye! have fun!” you smiled softly, waving bye as jay and riki left the store, making you sigh. you still had no way to talk to riki. 

riki groaned as him and jay walked down the sidewalk. “i was gonna take her to get food or something man cmon!!” he groaned even more, making jay laugh. “why don’t you first get her number, then take her out on a date” he slung his arm around riki’s shoulder which only made him side eye him. “yeah! i can’t even do that because i didn’t ask her” “you forget i have her number” jay said. riki looked to him and smiled, clearly happier. 

…

you entered your apartment and sighed as you plopped on the couch. it was weird, you didn’t even know riki yet you found yourself thinking about him so often. his smile was so cute and you could tell he was a genuine good guy, something that was rare nowadays. you were also sure he went to your university because he seemed quite familiar. yet at the same time he seemed like a stranger, a stranger you wanted to know more about. ugh you should’ve gotten his number or something. 

you pulled out your phone and just when you did, it buzzed with an incoming message. 

unknown: hey? is this yn?  unknown: it’s me, riki :)  unknown: u know from like the music store unknown: and from the instrument shop unknown: riki also jays friend unknown: same jay you know 

you giggled softly at his multiple messages, quickly saving his contact. now suddenly things were looking up for your relationship with riki.  

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[kathlare]

secretly ours

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: Amelie reflects on her whirlwind life, juggling a busy tour with personal moments of connection. After a high-energy performance in Buenos Aires, she returns to a quiet hotel room where she reunites with Lando.

Wordcount: 1.2 k

Warnings: just fluff

full masterlist // request over here!

November 9th, 2023 - Buenos Aires, Argentina

liked by oliviarodrigo, landonorris, and others

ameliedayman: made something special for you guys for the holidays 🤍 'fruitcake' is out 11/17 !!

View all 1,965 comments

holidayvibesonly: THIS + hot cocoa + snow = perfect vibes 🔥 Can’t wait to blast Fruitcake at the family dinner 🎁

hatersgonnahate: A holiday album? Really? How original. 🙄 → swiftie_x_amelie: @hatersgonnahate And yet you’ll be listening to it. Stay mad. 🎄

alex_albon: Do we get exclusive VIP fruitcake privileges, or do I have to preorder like everyone else? 😂 → ameliedayman: @alex_albon Alex, you’re on the naughty list. Lily come and get your man...

cozydayman: You’re literally the spirit of the holidays, Amelie. This is what December needed.

charles_leclerc: Finally, something to replace George’s karaoke Christmas playlist. Merci, Amelie. 😅🎄 → georgerussell63: @charles_leclerc Rude, Charles. But fair. Amelie > me. 😂

ameliefan4life: OMG, CHRISTMAS CAME EARLYYYY 🎄✨ Can’t wait to have this on repeat all holiday season!! 😍 → swiftieintraining: @amelie4life Sameee, we’re about to have a holly jolly meltdown! 🥹🎶

victoria.dayman: SO proud of you, my love! Another masterpiece for the world to enjoy. ❤️

amelieobsessed_22: FRUITCAKE??! 🎄👀 I’m already obsessed and I haven’t even heard it yet!! DROP THE SNIPPET, MILA!!! → daymanfanatic: @amelieobsessed_22 She’s about to own Christmas, I just KNOW it. Queen of the holidays! 👑🎶

lanmielover_98: LANDO IS BACK IN THE LIKES OMG FINALLY! 😭😭 Christmas miracle fr!!! 🎁

--------------

Amelie stepped off the brightly lit stage at the River Plate Stadium, her heart pounding with the residual adrenaline of performing in front of thousands. The sound of screaming fans still echoed in her ears as the crew hustled around, breaking down the set. She’d just finished opening for Taylor Swift on The Eras Tour, and the energy of the crowd had been electric. But even as she smiled and thanked the team backstage, her thoughts weren’t entirely on the performance. They were on the man waiting for her back at the hotel.

Amelie’s lips curled into a small, private smile as she pulled the towel from her neck and dabbed at the sweat on her forehead. Her body ached from the high-energy performance, her legs heavy from hours of dancing under the blistering lights. Yet, the thought of Lando made her pulse quicken in a different way. For the past three days, he had been tucked away in her hotel room, hidden from the world like a well-kept secret. It was risky, sure, but the thought of him being there—waiting for her—was a comfort she couldn’t resist.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet, her driver understanding her exhaustion as she leaned back in the seat, staring out at the Buenos Aires skyline. The city buzzed with life, and she couldn’t help but think about how much her life had changed in the past few weeks. Only a month ago, she and Lando had barely spoken in over a year, and now they were back in each other’s orbit, tangled in a web of emotions that neither of them seemed ready to define.

The elevator ride to her floor felt excruciatingly slow. Her body yearned for a shower, for her bed, and most of all, for him. She swiped her keycard and pushed open the door to her suite, her eyes immediately landing on Lando. He was sprawled on the couch, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of his oversized McLaren T-shirts, his damp curls suggesting he’d just showered. The glow from the TV cast soft shadows on his face, and he looked up at her with that boyish grin that made her heart skip every damn time.

—Hey, superstar,— he greeted, his voice warm and teasing.

—Hey, trouble,— she replied, kicking off her boots and dropping her bag by the door. —Been waiting long?—

—Only my whole life,— he quipped, standing and crossing the room to meet her halfway. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a tight embrace that made her sigh against his chest. He smelled like his cologne and her shampoo, a combination that was oddly comforting.

Amelie tilted her head back to look at him. —Missed me, huh?—

—Obviously,— he said, his accent making the word drawl slightly. —I’m stuck in here like a bloody prisoner while you’re out there living it up. Feels a bit unfair, doesn’t it?—

She laughed, the sound light and genuine as she pressed her hands to his chest. —You’re the one who insisted on coming here. Don’t complain now.—

Lando shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eye. —What can I say? I’m a glutton for punishment.— He leaned down, brushing his lips against hers in a way that was soft but carried the promise of something more.

Her fingers curled into his shirt, pulling him closer as she deepened the kiss. The exhaustion from the night seemed to melt away under his touch, replaced by the familiar heat that always simmered between them. But then, as if remembering herself, she pulled back, her lips quirking into a smirk.

—Let me shower first,— she murmured. —I’m disgusting.—

—I don’t mind,— he teased, but he let her go, watching her retreat to the bathroom with a look that made her stomach flip.

The hot water was a blessing, washing away the sweat and grime of the concert. As she stood under the spray, her mind wandered to Lando. To the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, and the way he made her feel like the center of his universe when they were together. It was almost overwhelming, the intensity of it all. But it was also addictive.

When she emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a plush robe with her damp hair falling around her shoulders, she found Lando lying on the bed, scrolling through his phone. He looked up when she entered, his eyes softening in that way they always did when he saw her.

—You’re hogging the bed,— she said, climbing in next to him.

He smirked, setting his phone aside. —It’s a big bed, Ames. There’s plenty of room for you.—

Amelie rolled her eyes but settled beside him, her head resting on his chest as his arm came around her shoulders. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, the sound of his heartbeat steady under her ear.

—I can’t believe you actually came here,— she said softly, tracing patterns on his shirt with her finger. —You’re insane.—

Lando chuckled, his fingers idly running through her damp hair. —I think you already knew that. But, come on, Ames, how could I not? A week without seeing you was already torture. If I’d stayed away any longer, I might’ve gone mad.—

She smiled, her heart doing that annoying fluttery thing it always did when he said something sweet. —You’re lucky I didn’t get caught sneaking you in here. Taylor’s security team would’ve thrown both of us out.—

—Worth it,— he said with a grin, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. —Besides, I’m not exactly complaining about being stuck in a hotel with you. Could be worse places to hide out.—

Amelie tilted her head to look up at him, her fingers still tracing lazy circles over his chest. —You mean you don’t miss the chaos of the paddock? The cameras? The endless media questions?—

—Not when I’ve got you,— he said without missing a beat, his voice soft but teasing. —I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the attention, but this? This is better.—

She laughed, shaking her head. —You’re so full of shit.—

—Maybe,— he admitted, his grin widening, —but you like me anyway.—

Amelie rolled her eyes, but the truth of his words settled somewhere deep inside her. She did like him, more than she probably should, given their history. But here they were, tangled up in each other’s lives again, unable to stay away despite all the reasons they shouldn’t.

She shifted, propping herself up on her elbow to get a better look at him. —You know, you’ve got a race next weekend. Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, resting? Training? Doing whatever it is you racing drivers do?—

Lando shrugged, his free hand coming up to rest on her hip. —I’ve got my priorities straight. Besides, I’m already ahead of schedule. Being here with you is... good for me. Keeps me grounded.—

—Grounded?— she repeated, raising an eyebrow. —I’m pretty sure sneaking around in hotel rooms isn’t exactly what they mean by that.—

He smirked, his hand slipping under the hem of her robe to rest on her bare thigh. —Maybe not, but I’d argue it’s worth bending the rules for you.—

Her breath hitched at the feel of his touch, her body instinctively leaning into him. He had this way of making her forget everything else, of drawing her into his orbit until nothing else mattered. It was intoxicating, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to it.

—You’re such a flirt,— she murmured, her voice quieter now as her fingers trailed along his jawline. —What am I going to do with you?—

Lando’s eyes darkened slightly, his grip on her thigh tightening just enough to make her heart race. —I can think of a few things.—

She laughed, the sound soft and breathless as she leaned down to kiss him. It started slow, her lips brushing against his in a way that was almost tentative, but it quickly deepened, the heat between them building as his hands found their way to her waist.

It was moments like this that reminded her why she’d let him back into her life. Despite everything—the heartbreak, the distance, the uncertainty—there was something undeniable about the way they fit together. Something that made all the risks feel worth it.

—You’re trouble, Norris,— she whispered against his lips, her hands tangling in his curls.

He grinned, his breath warm against her skin. —And you like it.—

Amelie pulled back just enough to look at him, her eyes searching his. —I don’t know what we’re doing, Lando. I don’t know where this is going.—

His expression softened, the teasing edge fading as he cupped her face in his hands. —Neither do I, Ames. But I know I don’t want to stop.—

For a moment, she just looked at him, her heart caught somewhere between fear and hope. Then she leaned in, kissing him again, letting herself get lost in him. Whatever this was—whatever they were—it was theirs. And for now, that was enough.

[starkitxxz]

I wrote this at 1am

Nightly visit☁

!!non-consensual touching, implied SOMNOPHILIA!!

The starry night sky wrapped the whole place like a blanket, small white dots appeared as the moon glowed in the midst of the void. Street lights flickered every minute, the warm light bulb it had given out. But it was enough to guide Sol Brugmansia to your lovely abode.

Every step he took, it was silent. Emptiness filled him – but he longed to see you. His heart ached, he yearned to have a minute of your time. A minute of your smile on your face because of him.

Or perhaps your lingering touch, brushing against his bandaged hand

He recognized everything about you, including where you place your furniture in your home. He hated seeing that slug in a photo frame. He wished it was him, beside you, in that printed paper.

He wished to be with you, to hold you and know you're his. He could not bear the thought of you being with Crowe. Ugh, the mere mention of his name makes him ill.

What does he have that Sol doesn’t?

He stood in front of his soulmate’s door, a silver key in his palm – inserted into the keyhole. And he knew, You fail to ignore such necessities missing from your ID.

Upon entering, his heart skipped a beat.

"Fuck, you’re so beautiful…"

He muttered under his breath. The glimmering moonlight highlighted your face. Displaying your beauty in front of the beast before you.

Sol approached you, his reddish orange orbs focused on you. He never fully focused on anything but you. You are on his walls. His phone gallery. His mind. Everything possible.

He lifted your arm and dropped it, a chuckle escaped his mouth. A heavy sleeper you are.

Or maybe you took something that made you so sleepy

He better thank Hyugo for this

A grin appeared on his face, it’s funny how easy you trusted him. How easy it took you to take it. So naive, Sol preferred it that way.

The last thing he wanted for you to find out was how awfully obsessed he is.

Heck, the word obsessed isn’t enough to describe what he is

He kneeled beside the bed frame, tucking a strand behind your ear. Taking in your pretty, sleeping face that he adores so much.

Gazing at your lips, he wanted it to meet his – so you will be his, like what he envisioned to happen.

He nuzzled on your neck, taking a whiff of your scent. You smell so fucking good. Like a dangerously addictive drug. It drove him nuts.

He began to nibble and bite a spot on your neck, earning a whimper from you. It sent shivers down his spine, as a mark started to form.

"Oh darling, you have no idea what you’re doing to me," He whispered, sucking the mark. A mark that will surely be visible on your neck, to the eyes of many – especially him, knowing he created that mark.

Another whimper escaped your lips. His breath hitched, kissing the small hickey he created.

"You’re so ticklish, pumpkin – even the sounds you make, it makes me want to fuck you"

Not long after that, he places his thumb on your bottom lip. Caressing it. He craved to kiss you so badly – to feel your lips, to know you’re his.

After all, YOU belong to him.

You’re his soulmate, his beloved, his maiden by the name of Annabel Lee

He pressed his lips against yours, warmth surrounded him. Claiming you as his, not Crowe. He was dying for this, he desired to be with you alone in this room – kissing you.

"I love you so much…"

He mumbled as he leaned back. Looking at you like a valuable possession – too valuable and pretty to be shared with. Admiring your perfect features, ignoring your flaws. To him, you don’t have flaws.

You’re everything he could love about you

Staring at the figure before him, he smiled and took a picture of you. Adding it to his phone album full of photos of you.

He stood up and walked to the door, giving you one last look. Holding his phone in his hand. He hoped that it would be your hand that only he would hold soon.

"See you tomorrow, pumpkin," He said, before twisting the door knob.

And with that, he left.

[sometimeslwish]

Skyfall: All things End

So I was listening to Skyfall on loop cause it reminded me of the spoilers I've seen about Sylus' myth, and because I've been reading angst lately:

Mc has been reborn, but her memories went to someone else, that someone else is... well, you.

You've always been creative as a child, great at telling stories and even better at singing thanks to your family. You've dreamt about those moments since you were 12, always thinking those were just dreams, leftover from your wild imagination, even if they crushed your soul in the process with how vivid and realistic they were.

You grow up to become an actor, singer and songwriter. The songs are filled with themes of mystery, violence, fantasy, obsession and references to a forbidden love that ends much too soon after the death of a lover. The details change, but the story is always the same.

A woman, reborn time and time again, sometimes powerful and feared, others afraid but determined, many variations that lead to the same outcome: she encounters a man. He's the opposite of what she is or stands for, born as each others enemy. Sometimes it starts rough, both at each other's necks, sometimes it's just one of them who wants to kill while the other is simply entertained by the attempts. There's times when she'll be afraid of him, but will still stand her ground, others where he's her subject, even if under a leash.

On each one, they learn and become stronger, reaching the same level of power and growing comfortable with each other, only for it to be all ripped away.

Sometimes he dies, sometimes it's her.

You've started to gain traction after your last album. The songs are a little bit more hopeful and empowering, but they still carry the hints to the pain. You're in the middle of an interview, talking about your inspiration when you talk about your dreams. You mention considering the idea of making an album for a movie centered on the dreams, how you've gone back on your dream journals to organize everything and the fact that you're halfway through.

The interview ends with you talking about who you would like to cast for the male lead, if the choice was on your hands, and that's when you mention the man. You give chopped up features, mentioning how you've never fully remembered his face, only his voice and height. You end up describing the up and coming actor named Sylus without being aware of it.

The internet goes crazy with it.

They keep mentioning it even after your tour and next thing you know, it's no longer an idea, but a full sized project. Of course, Sylus said yes– or his manager did, who knows– and when you meet him, your world shifts on its axis. It's him, the man you've been dreaming of, the voice in your dreams you started using in your head to encourage yourself. He's real and alive.

You have no time to recollect and center yourself as he approaches along with his manager. You recognize her too, she's the woman you've seeing in your dreams. Great to finally meet the lovers, you think bitterly.

You're tense and jumpy, but you manage– through internal screams and tears, but you manage. He offers nothing to you as both of you read the script and exchange comments on scenes, and the concoction of emotions inside of you leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Does he remember? Doesn't he suspect you? Their past lives are detailed in that script, and somehow you know every detail without being her. Does he know you're the one who wrote the script? He has to, that part of the interview was the most popular, it made rounds on the internet for a while.

Why won't he say anything?

You feel more conflicted each time you see them interact, and it's even worse after you and Sylus start getting closer and comfortable with each other. Bitterness, happiness, sadness, hope, dread. Those are the emotions that you stew in. You use them to write on restless nights, songs filled with despair and yearning alike. It's harder to keep the facade the longer you go.

You don't explode, that would be a lie, you simply break during a particular scene. You can still tell between reality and fiction, but your heart doesn't. When you're acting the scene in which you loose him, holding him in your arms as you wail, you bring everyone to tears with you.

Everyone congratulates you after the scene.

"Your acting was great," says a background actor.

"That scene will surely get you an award," whispers your manager.

"It gave me full body chills!"

You smile and say your thanks, try to be humble even through the numbness of it all. There's a difference in Sylus' behavior after that, you can't pinpoint what it is, but you can guess what the reason is.

The curtain is about to close, so you pay no mind to it, you've accepted your fate, even if it hurts like hell.

@leighsartworks216 @comatosebunny09 seeing you guys being angsty rubbed off on me, so I'll thank you for inspiring this mess of an idea

Read more here

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I know you don't like discussing the muses but i love your takes and perspectives and i had to ask you about this. after listening to ttpd, did you have the impression that she really loved matty more than any of her exes/previous relationships?. And listening to the whole album as a whole would you call it the ''matty album'' or do you think there are more prominent themes in there than their period together?. (hope this doesn't bother you, feel free to delete if you don't feel like answering it)

hey anon! You're right, I don't really like to get into the muses as I don't really think there's anything to add to the conversation at this point, and ultimately I don't think it matters.

That being said, and with the caveat that I am not Taylor and I do not know Taylor so I cannot speak to her thoughts and can only make relatively educated guesses based on being an avid consumer of her work and a student of the human condition (lol), no I do not think Taylor loved Matty more than anyone else. I think there was maybe a brief period in the thick of things where she *thought* she did because she was not thinking clearly and was in full-on denial, but to me the message that is loud and clear in the album (and more or less explicitly stated in the epilogue) is that it was not any kind of real love affair. It was certainly infatuation and lust and the promise of something more, and there may have been some love as well, but he was in no way the love of her life by any measure.

I would call it a "Matty album" insofar as they're about events in which he was present, sure. But I feel it much more as a Taylor album, if that makes sense, even though I know that's a cop out because every album is to a degree. I can't explain it well, but I don't see TTPD as a Matty (or Joe) album in the way that I would maybe say Red is a "Jake" album or 1989 may be a "Harry" album or even Lover being a "Joe" album whatever, because even if they don't figure in all the songs, that kind of heartbreak permeates so much of the material.

The thing about TTPD and the Matty situation is that the Matty situation is really a Joe situation (which in some ways is actually partially a Jake situation). I always say I hate treating Taylor like a character so I hate speaking about her and her work in this way, but you don't get the Matty situation without the Joe situation precipitating it. It's @taylortruther's now-infamous donut vs. hole analogy. The reason Taylor makes the choices she does with Matty is directly tied to what happened with Joe that made her feel she needed to. Which is not to say Taylor isn't responsible for her own actions or doesn't have agency in her own life, but I mean it in that the situation in which she found herself with Joe, and the pain it caused, is what made the alternative so comforting and perhaps even necessary in her mind. It's why it makes it so hard to "paternity test" the album, because the stories are inherently intertwined and you don't get the former without the latter.

The major "theme" of the album to me is the loss of a very specific, very personal dream, and the way in which she lost it, and the way in which grieving that loss drove her to make the choices she did. We're all talking very delicately about it because it's a sensitive topic, but it's late on Friday and few people are going to see this, so I'm going to say it: it's the give you my wild, give you a child of it all. The yearning she expresses both overtly and sub-textually for having a family in the album is palpable in a very iykyk kind of way, and it's the realization that those plans are not going to come to fruition in the way she had once imagined that drives a lot of the pain she experiences, and makes her jump at the chance to find that again with someone else.

I started a draft post about the theme of womanhood and motherhood on TTPD three months ago that I never finished because I ran out of time and ran out of steam, but it was the most striking thing to me on the album, not because I didn't know that she wanted those things because that's been obvious for years (definitely since Lover, and again, peace put it all on the table), but because the vulnerability she expressed about it on the album is incredibly moving, and it's so generous of her to trust listeners with those feelings and experiences.

Again, it's the thirtysomething of it all.

She is in relationship A which she at one point believes is forever, one which she at one point believes is going to lead to marriage and children. She is so committed to that dream that she either ignores or tries to fix serious issues that may otherwise lead others to think the two people in the relationship are incompatible, both because she loves the person deeply and because she feels that this is meant to be the way she achieves that dream. She gives it her everything, and it still dies a slow, painful, onerous death, and she feels like it may take her along with it. The dream of getting married and presumably having a family gets taken off the table: how we don't know and will likely never know because that is private between the parties involved. All that matters in the context of the album is that those plans never come to fruition and never would.

Then you have relationship B, an old flame who knows just enough buttons to push both to trigger and to flatter. A person who she presumably trusts with very sensitive, personal information as her life slowly crumbles, and this person is telling her all the things she wants to hear because he knows about what is happening in relationship A because she's told him. Person in relationship B doesn't get an "in" with her and sell her this dream unless what happens in relationship A precedes it. It's not a grand love affair for the ages, it's not a mutual decision on building their own dream together. It's Person B learning about what is happening with Person A and saying "I can do that!" even if he can't or doesn't. The dream he sells her is a rental car; it's not his own, he's just borrowing it from someone else and selling it back to her.

And the reason she falls for it is because it is what she aches for the most in her personal life, and she is grappling with it disintegrating, so she (unfortunately for her) falls for the easy way out, and in turn sells herself a story about how this must be fated, and this must be meant to be, because this person wants all the same things she does and she didn't even have to bargain for it! Well, yes, because she fed him the dream in the first place. (Like a mark falling for a sleeper cell spy.) It's too good to be true because it isn't true. IMO Person B doesn't come running out of the gate with the marriage/baby/dream life promises unless he knows that is what she most desires. But what's left unsaid out of all of it is that: those dreams were her dreams because they were her dreams with Person A. It was a whole life they had together, and a whole life they had planned for in some fashion, and a whole life that has to be dismantled in the aftermath.

So all this to say, yes, on the surface, Matty is a "main character" on the album, but truly he's a side character to Taylor as the narrator and person experiencing it and Joe as the ghost bit-player-who-haunts-every-scene. (Again, I hate referring to real people as characters, it gives me the absolute ick, but in this case it's the only way to answer the question.) I jokingly call it the Matty album for shorthand or when I want to say something out of pocket, but really, it's a disservice to the album to say that because it's not a muse album as in it's about the romance (like, say, Red often is), it's about a soul-crushing heartbreak that goes beyond it. The romance is the symptom, not the cause.

The loss of youth is tied in with all this: she's not 22 anymore. She isn't even 32 anymore. She had a very specific idea of what her life was going to look like at this point and had planned for that life, and it goes up in smoke. But again, to bring the womanhood into it all: there is, unfortunately, a deadline for these things. You're with someone for over half a decade you think is going to be your life partner and father of your children and and then he's not. You spent half a decade building this relationship for it to crumble, but now you're in your mid-30s and you don't necessarily have another half-decade to build that trust and faith in someone else before being ready to start a family. And maybe you're scared that anyone else who may become your partner will need that much time to build that trust and faith, because that's kind of all you've ever know in relationships. But lo and behold, someone comes into your life you once had feelings for and maybe now do again and is offering you everything you want and thought you'd have by this point in your life right now. It feels like an elixir that as we find out is actually poison.

That youth is not just the chance for motherhood, but it's also the hopes and idealism and belief in the future that often gradually erodes as we age. But for Taylor as well, it's also tied into the trauma of what she went through particularly in 2016, which kicks off a lot of things on the album as well (her retreat, her relationship with Joe, the pivoting in her career, etc.). That event caused a pretty clear before/after in her life (like a few other events, I suspect), and another major theme in the album is her finally grappling with the full weight of that. They're all different branches of the same tree of the story of TTPD and her life.

I could talk about this stuff forever, but I'm going to stop here because it's long enough and I should save stuff for one of the dozens of drafts I have half-baked lol. But this is just something I needed to get off my chest perhaps.

[jmdbjk]

Language challenges...

The other day, I was doing my (BTS) Army duty and introducing my sister to Hobi's music: Hope World, Jack in the Box and Hope on the Street. She asked one or two questions and truthfully, I was not prepared to answer what the songs were specifically saying. I know what they are generally about but I could not even recite ONE specific lyric from HOTS. I was ashamed. I'm sorry Hobi.

[Jungkook with a bag over his head]

So I am reviewing lyrics for every song beginning with PROOF and I plan to review the lyrics for every solo album. Except Golden (more on that in a sec). Then I will move on to each album in BTS' discography and eventually the Japanese albums as well. It's definitely a task that has to be tackled in smallish chunks because... overwhelming much? Yes.

Of course I've read the translations before and I know what the gist of the songs (the ones I listen to often) are about, but singing along with them in Korean and knowing what the lyrics are...not happening in my brain. Yet.

Yes, yes... oMg NoW wE hAvE tImE tO LeArN kOrEaN aNd CaTch uP oN cOnTent...

🤪

You all know how that went over the past two and a half years.

As I am going through the songs, as it was discussed when PROOF was first released, the evolution of lyrics, musicality, themes, throughout BTS' career is quite obvious. I am also being reminded that when you are missing context, some lyrical meaning is lost in translation. Though this site has not been updated since 2023, I highly recommend it to gain some added nuances for music prior to D-Day (the last album included): Doolset Lyrics.

This site is current and has translated lyrics for all albums including solo albums but doesn't include as much explanation of certain nuances in language: Bangtan Subs

Overcoming the language and cultural nuances thing is a thing, but one thing remains, the sincerity, the pointed topic of the songs, there are none that are vague at all.

There's young love/lust, yearning, pride, fear, dreams, wonder, self-realization, anger, sadness, joy... it's all there in the lyrics.

I was reading the lyrics for Yet to Come and was overcome with emotion... the past, was it honestly the best? we've come full circle, but the best moment is yet to come.

...was the past honestly the best? I can honestly answer no to that question. The past was AWESOME. But...now older, wiser, the thoughts, opinions and reflection that will eventually become lyrics are coming from a more mature point of view. And that growth never stops, year after year. I know the best IS yet to come.

It made me wonder whats going through their minds while they are up on stage singing these songs... are they filled with a sense of nostalgia? are they filled with wonder yet again as they gaze out at the tens of thousands of points of light from Army bombs? Do their hearts burst with pride? love? exhaustion (lol)? I know they're also thinking about what comes next in the choreography but that is also a muscle memory thing and sort of goes on autopilot (reference JK forgetting to fill in for Jin during the Butter choreo during the PTD LV concert).

I can see why they'd choose to "retire" songs from a concert set list. They've outgrown them personally and artistically.

As for my sister, I think she will probably lean toward Jungkook as her bias. Circumstances created a situation where he was her first real BTS experience when I brought her with me to see I Am Still at the movie theater. It doesn't hurt that he's adorably goofy. We then listened to Golden on the way home. Accessible, that's the word that comes to mind. The english songs help those new to BTS to open their minds and when that happens, as we know, the rabbit hole is not far behind, language challenges be damned.

She is still far, far from even being baby Army. I am working on it. Wish me luck.

[ghost-proofbaby]

wishing you a festive period that is kind to you. I think about 24hours eddie and reader constantly - all the things and occasions he would want to make up for, having missed out spending them with reader. you know how this time of year can feel very nostalgic and a time for guilt and reflection to creep in.. sigh - I know they’d both want to make up for it 🖤

thank you, nonnie <3 i am wishing you the very same.

it truly would be. something in the december air is just naturally laced with guilt and eddie would be so far from being immune to it.

the first holiday season would be the worst, as everyone in the group just knows what to get you for gifts, but he realizes he doesn't know as much as they do about you. he'd have to ask about your favorite show, your favorite movies, your favorite albums. he can't just casually buy you a cute pullover for your favorite franchise like robin has - he didn't even know that that had been your favorite franchise until she'd excitedly showed him. not only that, but then there's the aspect of not only hearing now about traditions set in stone between you and the others, but watching them set into motion. movie nights that were apparently your favorite part of the season, a specific flavor of coffee from your favorite coffee shop that was seasonal only and he'd never caught on to. regardless of the holiday you celebrate, he wouldn't know; he wouldn't know if you preferred white christmas lights or colored, he wouldn't know what day of the year you burn yule logs, he wouldn't know the story behind your menorah gifted to you in your youth that you treat as fragile as crumbling ashes. all the little things, all the big things, and he's just lost.

he might ignore you at first without meaning to. start to recede into himself, lash out when he doesn't mean it, pick arguments without knowing the root of his sour mood. but when you finally confront him? when the two of you do what you do best, and have a truthful conversation?

oh.

oh it all clicks into place for him.

"who cares if you know those things?" you'd ask with a scrunched nose, carrying over trying to extravagantly wrap argyle's gift in a fashion that the shape completely derails him from actually guessing what you had gotten him.

"i care," and god. he'd sound desperate. broken. and it'd make you look up, a bit shocked, not expecting to find a broken eddie munson looking back at you, "i... fuck, i care about those things. i should know those things. if i hadn't been such a dick, i would know tho-"

and you'd interrupt him, so quickly, so fierce to stop him from going down that pathway, "parks and recreation."

he'd stand there so confused, blank face that slowly contorts into sheer befuddlement. "what?"

"my favorite show," you'd double down, "parks and rec. i also have a soft spot for gilmore girls, if we're keeping score. don't tell steve though. he spent weeks trying to convince me to secretly watch it with him, only to go and watch it with some chick he met on an app, so to get revenge i was hate watching it only to end up loving it."

and in one clean sweep, you've managed to accomplish two things he'd yearned for: knowledge of a basic fact, and a secret just between you two.

from there, it just avalanches.

you do away with the gift for now, giving him your full attention, sitting on the floor of the apartment and exchanging all those missed details. he tells you stories about holidays with wayne, you finally explain that god awful pair of faux diamond earrings you never wear but will never, ever get rid of. the two of you talk about the gifts you've wanted in the past but never received. talk about the favorite gifts you've been given. your favorite year for the holidays, when you were children and the magic was still there. maybe you let it slip how you miss that magic; the feeling of being a little kid and everything being more about the love and electricity in the air rather than the stress and pressure of the holidays.

"i want to wake up on christmas morning," you'd say, leaning back your head wistfully against the couch you'd sat up in front of, "and for it to feel like the movies again. you know? being giddy and oblivious and- i don't know. is that stupid?"

he'd shake his head, smiling softly, sharing that same sentiment.

"no, i get it. just... missing the magic."

naturally, eddie goes out of his way to give you the greatest gift of all - somehow, against all odds, he'd bring back the magic.

small things. when you bring up wanting to go out and see lights on the neighborhood lights, he's bundling you up in one of his sweaters and loading the two of you onto his bike to go slow crawl through the twinkling streets. even gives you his only pair of riding gloves, despite his hands freezing to the point of cherry red, just to let you enjoy it all comfortably. when there's a baking recipe you're interested in, he buys the ingredients on his way home, and you get so excited you cancel plans with the group to stay in with him and fail at it miserably. flour across both your cheeks, but it doesn't matter, because you're too busy laughing to notice the imperfections. you both try to say that milk helps the burnt cookies - it doesn't, but the softness in his eyes when he watches you embarrassingly snort on your glass at how terrible the taste is does. more home-cooked meals than the two of you have had in years, some tasting as divine as you remembered, and others being put away in a "better left alone" envelope.

in the end, it doesn't matter that robin was the one to get you the pullover, or that steve has tasted your family's 'award-winning' pie recipe before him. eddie's the one making you laugh as the clock strikes midnight, scolding you about being quiet or else the elves or some shit will hear you, as you just cackle louder and smack his chest, shutting him up with a kiss.

december air is a little bit sweeter after that year. a little less guilty, and a little bit more magical.

[marchswifey]

Kai Anderson’s NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

You don't get any, go to bed, all he's going to do is say ‘I love you. good night bitch’ or something like that

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

On himself he likes his hands, he loves squeezing your ass with his big hands. On you he likes your ass, he loves to slap it and he probably just likes to look at it

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

Kai likes a lot to cum on your ass or on the bottom of your stomach, but when you suck it he likes when you swallow it. He basically loves to cum everywhere to get you dirty

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He secretly has an album of your nudes :)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Kai has had a lot of bitches before you so he’s a lot experienced.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)

He loves doggy style because he gets a big veiw of your ass and has full control

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

NO he’s very serious, the most goofy you'll have is him teasing you

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Doesn't do anything, he just leaves it there

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect.)

For him it depends. He can be one day then not the next day. It depends on his mood

J = Jack off (Masturbation Headcanon)

As I said he has a secret album of you so yees, but not often

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Everything he will do everything.

Pet kink, degrading kink, bondage, breeding kink, & more

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

He will do it everywhere to be honest, but his favorite place to do it is in the shower

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Your ass, he finds it hot

N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He'll do anything to you

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers to receive he just likes to see you on your knees chocking on it

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He is very fast and rough with you, he loves to make you scream and if you ask him to slow down he will surely accelerate his pace.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes, if he's feeling excited and just wants you for a bit, he'll make a quikie

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

He can be quite risky, he's not afraid of being caught "I'm the divine ruler, I can do whatever I want".

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

He work out so he has a good endurance

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes, he owns so many

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

A lot. He will tease you all day and then fuck the life out of you at night



V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He actually only moans when you suck it, but they're very soft the rest of the time he growls or grunts

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)

Sometimes he records you two having sex

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s a 8 inches, very thick

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is through the roof. He will fuck any time he can and wherever he can

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Usually he just rolls over to his side and fall asleep but if he’s (rarely) feeling a bit romantic he will push you to his chest, in the morning you’d wake up alone in the room though because he’s already awake making plans for the cult

[drdemonprince]

I sat on the floor surrounded by all these written words that evoked nothing but painful memories and past failures. I had always been so precious about anything written down, even holding onto papers I wrote in college and every letter anyone ever sent me. In the past it had pained me deeply when I would hear about a writer burning their drafts or a family member throwing away their letters and journals after they died—to me, it seemed that words were the mark of a life, the storehouse of memory, the only real memorial that mattered. It wasn’t that I felt I would someday be famous and researchers would want to cull through the written archive of my life; half a century in, I had no such grand illusions. Nor did I remotely imagine that my children would want someday to read through all these words. I didn’t even like reading them myself. Like photographs, written scraps of the past spark in me a painful sort of nostalgia, full of an anxious feeling of loss. Even the most pleasant memories captured in a snapshot or a postcard become a reminder of everything I don’t remember, a taunt of every moment not held and lived fully, now gone forever. I have photo albums full of pictures of my children’s early years that I never look at, not because they aren’t precious to me, but because they are so very precious to me. Casting an eye back only drives home how ephemeral it all was. And is. And yet, I had collected all these words—words I was sure no one would ever read, words filling notebooks and boxes and accordian files—like a cold-case storage locker full of the evidence of a life still waiting to be solved.

Here in black and white was a grotesque horror-show version of “this is your life.” I had convinced myself that my late-blooming creative life was new, that I had only discovered myself as a writer in my 40’s once my children were both in school. I had told myself that the growing despair in my marriage was a function of the startling discovery that I might be more than pure intellect, that I might in fact have a deep, visceral, erotic well of creativity yearning to bubble out of me. That I might—dare I claim it?—be a writer. I had convinced myself that was all new, like a mystical vision first revealed to me in my 40’s, a calling that I had to leave my marriage in order to pursue. But the words I now read in these journals and letters were from a much earlier time.  They were from the very beginning. A journal entry on the first anniversary of my relationship: “Why can’t I inspire any passion in [my ex-wife]?” It was 1988 and I was 22. 

Plaintive scribbles scrawled across notebook pages: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Why can���t I be normal?”  Words cascading down and across the page with no regard for the college rule of the notebook, a mind-map exercise I might have taught to my high school English students in my early 20’s: worthless, unlovable, UNDESIRABLE, FREAK.

And worse: pages spilling over with my dreams of being a writer—pages dated from my 20’s, not my 40’s—full of all the ideas and the passion I had inside of me that I yearned to put into words and send into the world.  I had been yearning for and failing at writing for decades. For my entire adult life.  And now that I had finally gotten myself free, it seemed the trauma of leaving had crushed me. Stolen my words. Maybe it was too late, I would never get my shit together. 

My friend M. Rose is such a wonderful writer, and I love this piece a lot!!

[sweet-s0rr0w]

day 15 of @hprecfest - a fic over 50k

Star Quality by @wholahoop - E, 119k, 2018

Summary: Two years after the war, and Harry’s content with his life. OK, so it’s a little annoying that he keeps winning Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelor award, and he’s really not looking forward to the unveiling of an enormous gold statue of himself, but he loves his friends, and he loves being an Auror. And if he yearns for something more, something he can barely bring himself to think about, well, he’ll probably get over it. No one’s happy all the time, are they?

But then everything changes, and Harry’s thrown into a new and dazzling world he’s not sure he can actually escape from. And as time goes on, he starts to wonder: does he actually want to?

Excerpt:

At some point the queue wound its way past a line of tills, and he was forced to buy a copy of Malfoy’s album as his entrance ticket to the signing. Why he also picked up a copy of the ‘authorised autobiography’ Sarah had shared with him earlier, which was also on offer by the till, he wasn’t entirely sure, but he shoved it into the plastic bag the checkout girl offered him and tried not to brood. “Big fan of Draco, are you?” she asked, the words curiously like a snigger, and looked him up and down.

Harry considered this, and decided the only dignified response was silence. “He’s OK,” he mumbled when the girl continued to look at him, waiting for an answer. He could feel his face going all hot.

The girl actually sniggered out loud this time, before turning to the girls behind him, and Harry wished he’d gone with his original silence scheme. Did he look like a wally right now? He considered the idea gloomily and concluded that he did. Not only had he, a grown man, apparently queued up for hours to get the autograph of another grown man, but he was wearing an ill-fitting outfit that even he had to admit did him no favours. And then there was his hair to consider. It was undoubtedly doing the thing it always did. Harry didn’t want to impress Malfoy, he really didn’t, but he found himself reaching up to try and surreptitiously flatten his hair down into something half-acceptable, and found no comfort in the fact that Samantha tapped him on the shoulder and, with a silent look of comradeship, passed him a tiny hairbrush and her hand mirror. He brushed half-heartedly, and then glanced in the mirror only long enough to confirm that, yes, it had made absolutely no difference – had brushing it actually made it worse? – before passing it back with a ‘thank you’ that he tried to make sound sincere.

“Don’t worry,” Samantha added in a confidential whisper, leaning closer as she stowed the brush away again in her handbag, “Draco will see what’s in your heart, and that’s the most important thing.”

I know it's not exactly an unknown fic, but I love who_la_hoop, and this is my favourite fic by them (Sleeping Beauty Curse a close second). Basic premise is that Harry, fed up with fame, accidentally makes a wish on a star, and wakes up as a Muggle, in a world where no-one knows who he is. Confused, he wanders around London, and when he walks past the Virgin Megastore he sees a giant poster for popstar Draco Malfoy's latest record - and hey, guess what, he's having an album signing today! And hey, guess what else Harry, you're about to have a major crisis of sexuality! It's exactly the kind of thing I wish I'd thought of writing; all the scenes are just so well observed and funny, this Malfoy's great, full of swagger (with his management team composed of the Slytherins, of course) but soft underneath, and last but not least, the sex scenes are obviously incredibly hot.

If you read it, and if especially you love it, please do let me know! And as always, please do take the time to leave the author a kudos/comment <3

day 1 - first fic you remember reading

day 2 - a fic rated G

day 3 - a fic not on ao3

day 4 - a comfort fic

day 5 - a romantic fic

day 6 - a fic for a ship you don’t normally read

day 7 - the best of your OTP

day 8 - a fic that was recced to you

day 9 - a WIP

day 10 - a fest/event fic

day 11 - an underrated fic

day 12 - a fic from your favourite author

day 13 - a rare pair

day 14 - a fic rated T

[glass-strawberries]

The Valley by The Oh Hellos: A Biblical Song Analysis

*Full analysis under the cut*

By @glass-strawberries and @glass--grapes

Author's note: we grew up Christian and we love whimsical music so hearing all these references from our childhood hit pretty well. We wanted to analyze it and share all the references because The Oh Hellos are honestly some of the best lyricists we’ve seen. 

This analysis does contain references to Genius Lyrics where we didn’t know what the lyrics were referring to. We didn’t copy them, but we added additional information.

The Valley 

Background/song summary: The Valley is the first track in The Oh Hellos Through the Deep, Dark Valley. Though the album is coined as a concept album, the concept itself is very loose. The album was made in respect to love, journeys, and righting past wrongs. 

This song is about the struggle and confusion of being born into wickedness or sin, as all humans are following the fall of humanity (the original sin). The speaker seeks a leader to the light. 

Lyric Analysis:

We were born in the valley Of the dead and the wicked

A reference to the Valley of Canaan, the ancient land that is now known as Israel/ Palestine. 

That our father's father found And where we laid him down

Moses led the Israelites to the land of Canaan as they were fleeing Egyptian captivity. Before Moses could get there, he essentially pissed off God and was banished from entering the promised land. He dies in Moab and God buries him there(Deuteronomy 34). 

We were born in the shadow Of the crimes of our fathers

 After the fall of humanity, every human ever born is born with sin. The “fathers” in this sense is everyone who came before them(Romans 3:23-24). The speaker struggles with discrimination and labels placed on them from their fathers. 

Blood was our inheritance No, we did not ask for this Will you lead me?

Canaanites were considered wicked, and were killed in a genocide against them. The speaker resents the sin that they have inherited, having been credited to this crime against the Canaanites. They once again yearn for a leader.

We were young when we heard you call Our names in the silence Like a fire in the dark

The speaker did not know God until they started to hope for a leader or divine intervention. God says that He will reveal Himself to those who truly seek him(1 John 3:2). The Bible states that when God calls out to you, He will call you by name and you will know immediately that it was Him that was speaking (Isaiah 43:1).

Like a sword upon our hearts We came down to the water And we begged for forgiveness

Water baptism is a symbolic representation of death in the flesh and being brought back to life in a new “body” that will “live” forever. The purpose of baptism is defined differently in different branches of Christianity and even among churches, but the two popular ones are: 

To proclaim your faith publicly(either way, you are saved as long as you have faith)

To become a true christian and be saved(you will not be saved unless you are baptized)

The singer chose to repent for their sins. Shadows lurking close behind We were fleeing for our lives Will you lead me?

Psalm 23:3- He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

1/24

[whatiwillsay]

Ok, more spiraling… what if “ready for it” was originally written for Matty then repurposed for Joe?

no guys the timeline still exists. she had a fling with matty at the end of 2014 and it was wrapped up by the time she got with calvin in early 2015. she did not start writing songs that made the rep album until well over a year later, right when she met joe (and got closer with lily requsite tily acknowledgement for those of you that dabble)

in fall of 2016 she starts hooking up with joe and goes crazy writing all the songs for rep, they tie back to him not matty.

i think we have to look at matty in the context of things falling apart so horribly with joe and being hard and toxic for a long time. i think she saw joe as The Answer to snakegate (it’s how she won it) and also The Answer to her yearning for golden love and she got so desperate when she realized it wasn’t going to work with Golden Joe she pivoted HARD into matty and his love bombs she put matty on a Pedestal quickly because losing joe drove her a bit mad.

i don’t think matty is actual some golden love she’d been craving for years, i think he was a fling she wondered about but nothing too deep until she reconnected with him during the wreckage of failed toe.

we can certainly revisit (in fact i think we must) songs like the 1, cardigan, illicit affairs, high infidelity and ivy with matty in mind but reputation and lover are mostly about joe. we can keep an eye on them ofc but the timeline remains.

this is why we started covering the toe timeline!

make sure and tune in if you want the full data set