#the adventures of photoshopped heads continue

[notonlymice]

doctor!Gold au moodboard

[cerromoreno]

Starbula Week Day 4: Parents

*~*Headcanon/photo dump of my Starbula kid*~*

I meant to share this during @starbulaweek 2023, but grad school has been insane...so I'm just spreading out the fun to a few weeks later! 😂 Also, this is unbelievably long. Read if you dare lol.

Basically since May, soon after watching GOTG3, I've been developing a headcanon of Nebula and Peter having a daughter together. The idea that both of their stories - filled with so much loss, trauma, and sorrow - not only end with an unexpected and beautiful romance with each other, but with the chance to raise a happy, safe, and cherished little girl, breaking the cycle of trauma...literally destroys me. I love the idea so much, and headcanons about this Starbula daughter have infected my brain for half a year. I figured I'd share some of them, accompanied by some photos of what I think she'd look/act like, in (belated) honor of Starbula Week!

Early on, I decided Peter and Nebula would have a kid via surrogate. (Sorry Nebula...I can't imagine Thanos NOT sterilizing her during all of his modifications... 😩) They could either use an anonymous surrogate, or - imo more meaningfully - Mantis might offer to do it. Somehow this seems right to me; she's such a sensitive and loving person, and could see Peter and Nebula's unspoken desires to have a family of their own (and their inability to do so) and want to help. Maybe after Nebula/Peter have been together for a while, Mantis is visiting Knowhere in between her solo adventures and overhears Nebula mentioning that she's one of the last Luphomoids, since her planet was destroyed by Galactus. [I know this isn't MCU canon but I read that it happened in the comics so I'm taking it, lol.]

This gets Mantis' gears turning and basically one day, she proposes the idea of carrying a baby to Peter and Nebula. Mantis might say that she doesn't want to have a kid of her own, but she knows that her brother and Nebula would be amazing parents if they wanted to do so. And that she wanted to do this for them, if they were interested. Nebula and Peter immediately turn down the offer, but after thinking it over for a while, they realize Mantis is giving them an incredible gift and actually wants to do this for them - and that they really do want to have a kid, they just didn't think it was possible. So they accept. And a year later, they end up with a healthy, light-blue-skinned baby girl: Meredith Anthony Quill. Her name would honor the most important parental figures in both Nebula and Peter's lives 🥺

Shortly after creating this scenario, my brainworms continued imagining this little girl and what she might act and look like. While doing so, I kept coming back to Millie Bobby Brown. MBB was/is a delightful kid - plus she shaved her head a la Karen Gillan lol - so I started looking up pictures of her to see if I could spot a resemblance with Nebula or Peter.

That initial search turned up a clear answer (yes!) and snowballed into an absolute beast of a Google Slides slideshow, constantly evolving and filled with headcanons and photos of Meredith (aka Millie) from age 0 to 19. I've never done anything like this for a ship before, but something about a Starbula kid has completely taken over my brain and I've had so much fun imagining her (and Nebula/Peter as parents) over the past few months.

So, in belated honor of Starbula Week and this crazy ship that has had a chokehold on me for half a year, I chose some of my favorite photos to share a peek into Meredith Anthony Quill's life and personality over the years. Just imagine she has blue skin because I have no photoshop skills 🙃 Most of the pictures are self-explanatory, but I explain any relevant headcanons below. I also thought there was a 10-photo limit on Tumblr but I guess not.... But I'm very much done done combing through my photos, so this is officially Good Enough 😆

Age 0-10

Meredith has basically the happiest childhood ever - mostly spent on Knowhere, surrounded by her doting family (Rocket is also her godfather and spoils her rotten), visiting earth often for holidays and to visit her grandpa/Pepper and Morgan.

From the top middle/left photos, Meredith clearly loves singing from an early age. 🥲 And regarding her cute little braid in the top right - I'm sure Nebula ends up loving to do Meredith's hair, since she never had the opportunity to do anything fun with her own before it was removed 😭 (And idk who the baby in the bottom corner is - maybe a fellow tiny Knowhere resident, now that Knowhere has become a safe and happy society thanks to Nebula's leadership)

Age 11

Key life moment: At age 11, Meredith spends her first week at an earth summer camp, shaves her head, and makes a group of human best friends! (aka it's Stranger Things time 😆)

So Meredith has grown up loving earth, since she visits it often and has grown up on earth movies, music, etc. And since she also loves singing, dancing, and movies (courtesy of her dad), when she turns 11, she asks her parents if she can go to some overnight theater/arts summer camp in Missouri. (She probably got the idea from watching Parent Trap or Camp Rock when it was on TV at grandpa Jason's house.) Nebula and Peter agree, and decide to hide her blue skin with some illusion technology. That way, she can blend in as a human at camp and experience an authentic earth summer camp, without any anti-alien discrimination.

The night before she leaves for camp, probably sleeping over at her grandpa's house, Meredith starts to get anxious about this whole thing - since it will be her first time being away from her parents on a different planet. Maybe she's calling her best friend on Knowhere and, while on the phone, the girls decide the best thing would be to channel Meredith's badass, brave mom by shaving her head. Meredith does it on a whim, to her parents' (mostly Nebula's) horror when they find out that night - but the damage is already done.

Fortunately, Peter helps Nebula work through the PTSD this triggers from the memories of her own hair being shaved when she was around Meredith's age. Basically, Peter helps Nebula remember that Thanos is gone, their daughter just shaved her head because she's a semi-dumb kid, and her hair will grow back. And by the time camp rolls around the next day, Meredith is excited for camp 🥰

Aaaaand surprise! She has literally the best time at camp and almost immediately becomes good friends with Mike, Will, Lucas, and Dustin (aka the main kids from Stranger Things)! I'm guessing the other campers steer clear of her at first because they think she has cancer, but the Party includes her right away. Fortunately, there's no Upside Down in this universe - just a group of adorable nerdy boys from Hawkins Middle School (who joined this summer camp because their parents made them) and their half-Luphomoid girl friend (even though they don’t find out until the end of camp, probably in some dramatic revelation right before the final performance lol).

At the end of camp, Meredith and the Party promise to stay in touch, and they stay close friends through middle/high school and beyond. 🥺 She visits them whenever she’s on earth to see her grandpa or Pepper and Morgan, and takes them to Knowhere for sleepovers. In that vein, imagining Dustin's reaction to going into space is adorable and hilarious.

Also, maybe the top right picture of Meredith hugging the older man is her with grandpa Jason (I'm so emotional at the thought of him getting to be a grandpa to a little kid again, who *isn't* stolen from him this time) and the bottom left one of her and the woman is maybe Meredith with one of her cool aunts (Gamora, Mantis, or Pepper).

Age 12

Top left photo: Meredith loves all animals (omg there are so many photos of MBB holding animals 😂), probably due to growing up with Rocket and Cosmo. Nebula could be the woman cuddling with Meredith on the top left photo, or kissing her in the bottom right. Just imagine her with no hair and blue skin lol.

Also, I think Morgan is in the matching pajamas picture (bottom row). I love the idea that Meredith and Morgan consider each other cousins (since neither have blood-related ones), and that Meredith grew up idolizing Morgan 😭 I'm so emotional about Tony and Nebula's relationship, as I imagine he was the first person outside of Gamora to show Nebula kindness and that he welcomed her into his family post-Snap. So Nebula has known and loved Morgan her whole life, and now the cycle gets to continue with Morgan loving Meredith her whole life 😭😭😭

Age 13

Continuing the Stranger Things vibes, in Meredith's third year at summer camp, she and Mike get together (as a Byler shipper, I assume they break up shortly after lol - but I'm happy Meredith gets a cute middle school romance) and she and Max become close friends. Millie and Sadie's friendship on and off-screen in ST season 3 is incredibly sweet and I love that Meredith gets to have a human girl bff in addition to all the boys.

Age 13

Look at the Partyyyyyy (ST season 3 vibes are truly immaculate)

Top middle photo: Of course, Meredith continues dancing and singing whenever she gets the chance 🥰

Top left-ish photo: Meredith and the Guardians totally get invited to Kevin Bacon's Oscars party at some point. The perks of growing up with people like Kevin Bacon as your family friend!

Age 14

Top left photo: (Ok Millie looks so much like Karen here wtf)

Top middle photos: I love the idea of Meredith finding her half-human/Luphomoid life hilarious and having fun with it, especially when she finds alien pop culture merch on earth. And of course she has a Bowie shirt!!! I assume the Bowie is reserved for GOTG business, but Rocket lets Meredith fly it around sometimes, as their little secret 🥰

Age 15

Bottom left pic: One Christmas, Aunt Mantis and Uncle Drax take Meredith hunting for festive lawn decor and tell her about that one time they kidnapped Kevin Bacon for a present...

Bottom middle pic: Meredith and Peter dancing together (maybe to "Come and Get Your Love") and making each other laugh is so precious it physically hurts my heart 😩

Age 16

Top left corner: Imagine David Harbour is Peter 🥲

...I'm.....fine 🥲

Top left-ish corner: I assume Meredith constantly drives Knowhere residents slightly crazy due to her love of blasting Taylor Swift (I assume she'll still be popular with teens in the 2030/40's lol) on the speakers and singing along.

Bottom left: Maybe grandpa Jason teaches Meredith to drive an earth car! I'm assuming he is quite old at this point and will probably die soon, but at least he gets some quality time teaching his great granddaughter to drive :')

Age 17

Top left corner: Okkkkkkk when I discovered that Millie and Lexie Rabe (Morgan Stark) did a movie together and have these adorable red carpet photos together, I just about died. Look at themmmmmm 😭😭😭😭 Tony and Nebula's little girls, together 😭😭😭

Also, the Enola Holmes photos in the bottom right corner are maybe from the same summer theater camp (since I assume she continues going every year), but a high school version of it, so the costumes and sets are nicer.

Age 18-19

And that brings us to today! After she turns 18, Meredith goes through some hair color experimentation, going from dark brown to blonde. And of course, I had to include the photos with MBB and Chris Pratt together over the years (?????!!!!!) on the bottom row. When I started this insane Meredith-headcanon journey, I had no idea they're actually doing a movie together - and am now stupidly excited for The Electric State and any promo Chris and Millie will hopefully do together for it next year 😍

I think 18-year-old Meredith decides to go to college on earth and become a vet or something, due to her love for animals. So she basically decides to permanently live on earth - though she has a ship, so she can easily travel around space whenever she wants. She dates Jake in college (MBB's actual fiance) but unlike Millie, she does not get engaged at age 19. 🙃 Sorry Millie lol.

And when Nebula and Peter eventually retire, they end up splitting their time between earth, Knowhere, and traveling around space. That's because Meredith eventually gets married and has some kids on earth, and I can't think of anything sweeter than an older Peter and Nebula getting to enjoy a chill retirement and being grandparents. Like omfg, I think it's truly the best. And something neither of them, especially Nebula, could have ever imagined during the first 30+ years of her life.

~~~~~~~~

Soooooo there's my headcanon-dump about Meredith Anthony Quill! It has brought me so much joy over the past few months to imagine this funny, sweet, adorable part-human/Luphomoid's life and how much she means to so many people, both on Knowhere and on earth. She grows up surrounded by family who have all lost so much throughout their lives, who will never take her for granted and will cherish every moment with her. Meredith's very existence is a sign of hope, love, and resilience overcoming loss, tragedy, and evil in the end. I honestly find it so profound to think about. 🥺

Anyway, if you got this far, congrats 😂 and I hope these peeks into my headcanons have brought you a little joy, too!

EDIT: After looking over this post again, I realized it was a total oversight to include several photos of N*ah Schn*pp and not include a disclaimer that I 100% oppose his recent Zionist and Islamophobic posts/likes/videos. 💔

[kithlien]

New simblr! (pt. 2)

Simblr is a place where a sea of ​​CC spreads out, where the inhabitants speak some strange slang and where it’s better not to travel because you may not come back. It’s a colourful part of the internet where anything is possible. That's where I'm heading, with a feeling of excitement and anxiety at the same time.

I am reaching the border zone. The passage is blocked by a barrier. There is a guard's booth on the side. A bored man sticks out of the open window. I get out of the car and greet him. He immediately starts the usual monologue: Tumblr does not recommend continuing the journey. If the passenger still decides to drive on, they do so entirely at their own risk.

- I know, I know, I say. - I've been there before, just under a different name.

The border guard reaches out his hand for my documents.

- So we have a Simblr comeback, huh?

- Yes, and I'll try not to screw it up this time.

- How long have you been playing the Sims?

- Since 2002! I'm a real veteran. I had the opportunity of playing every The Sims generation and frankly, I love them all. Here I'll focus on TS4 & TS3, though.

- What are you planning to post?

- CAS and Photoshop are my natural habitats - that means edits, lookbooks and sim dumps (in Maxis Mix style) will be the main points of the programme.

- So no stories or gameplay?

- I have some stories in the making, but absolutely no patience to set the scenery and take photos. But everything will come out in the wash anyway, so stay tuned.

- Ok, this all sounds quite interesting and ambitious. All I can do is wish you good luck, Kithlien!

- Thanks, call me Kits.

He raises the barrier, I wave him goodbye and set off to meet new adventures. Do you want to experience them with me? Feel free to shoot me a message! You can also like or/and reblog this to spread the word! 🧡

P.S. If you get the reference of this post, I already love you! ^^

[emtechvillanueva]

Empowerment

Our teacher once said that "Technology is only as powerful as the hands that wield it." so we are the one who should control the Technology, not us.From that day on, I'm really hooked up with the subject Empowernent Technology.

In my journey through the subject of Empowerment Technology, I've explored various tech tools and skills that have broadened my knowledge and skills from crafting games in PowerPoint to mastering mail merges, Excel formulas, editing with Photoshop, and even creating website design and content creation through vlogs and blogs, the experience has been a whirlwind of discovery and growth.

However, in the plethora of technical know-how I've acquired, one lesson stands out for me:the genuine, sincere, and loving approach of our teacher,

Mr. Lester Balauro.

Mr. Balauro's genuine care for our learning journey was evident in every class we have, whether in the classroom or through virtual platforms. He took the time to listen, to understand our struggles, and to celebrate our wins. His sincerity shone through his support, encouragement, and willingness to go the extra mile to ensure that each and every one of us grasped the concepts and skills being taught.

As I reflect on my journey through Empowerment Technology, I realize that the most valuable lesson I've learned isn't just about mastering technical skills; it's about embracing the humanity inherit in learning. And for that, I am eternally grateful to Mr. Lester Balauro, whose genuineness, sincerity, and love have left an indelible mark on my heart and mind.

How would EmpTech help me in my future career?

In the field of computer science, proficiency in technology is needed. From programming languages to software development and beyond, having a solid foundation in empowerment technology will give me a head start in my studies and future career.

Moreover, the lessons of love and kindness that I've learned from the subject are also important for me. In a fast-paced and often competitive industry like technology, empathy and compassion can sometimes take a backseat. However, I believe that these qualities are essential for success, both professionally and personally.

As I look ahead, I am excited to continue learning, growing, and making a positive difference in the world through technology. Thank you for joining me on this adventure, and I look forward to sharing more insights and experiences with you in the future. Until next time, stay curious, stay compassionate, and keep empowering others through technology.

-el 🎀

[chennieee]

Empowerment

Our teacher once said that "Technology is only as powerful as the hands that wield it." so we are the one who should control the Technology, not us.From that day on, I'm really hooked up with the subject Empowernent Technology.

In my journey through the subject of Empowerment Technology, I've explored various tech tools and skills that have broadened my knowledge and skills from crafting games in PowerPoint to mastering mail merges, Excel formulas, editing with Photoshop, and even creating website design and content creation through vlogs and blogs, the experience has been a whirlwind of discovery and growth.

However, in the plethora of technical know-how I've acquired, one lesson stands out for me:the genuine, sincere, and loving approach of our teacher,

Mr. Lester Balauro.

Mr. Balauro's genuine care for our learning journey was evident in every class we have, whether in the classroom or through virtual platforms. He took the time to listen, to understand our struggles, and to celebrate our wins. His sincerity shone through his support, encouragement, and willingness to go the extra mile to ensure that each and every one of us grasped the concepts and skills being taught.

As I reflect on my journey through Empowerment Technology, I realize that the most valuable lesson I've learned isn't just about mastering technical skills; it's about embracing the humanity inherit in learning. And for that, I am eternally grateful to Mr. Lester Balauro, whose genuineness, sincerity, and love have left an indelible mark on my heart and mind.

How would EmpTech help me in my future career?

In the field of computer science, proficiency in technology is needed. From programming languages to software development and beyond, having a solid foundation in empowerment technology will give me a head start in my studies and future career.

Moreover, the lessons of love and kindness that I've learned from the subject are also important for me. In a fast-paced and often competitive industry like technology, empathy and compassion can sometimes take a backseat. However, I believe that these qualities are essential for success, both professionally and personally.

As I look ahead, I am excited to continue learning, growing, and making a positive difference in the world through technology. Thank you for joining me on this adventure, and I look forward to sharing more insights and experiences with you in the future. Until next time, stay curious, stay compassionate, and keep empowering others through technology.

-el 🎀

[drew-mga2022mi6011]

Research | More Past Winners of the Silent Book Contest

Costruttori di Stelle (2019) - Soojin Kwak 

This is a continuation of the previous post, where I briefly summarise the story of each winner of the Silent Book Contest, the author's life (in case it provides any insight into the story) and my own thoughts on the narrative.

This story is an innovative and humorous take on the question of how stars are born. Behind the scenes there is a team of small and ingenious "star-builders" who, with great work and passion, every day design and build these magical inventions that fill the night sky. I'm particularly enthralled by the use of colour and texture in this book. The designs, although simple, contain so much life, personality and enthusiasm. The concept itself is also something I am fond of, taking the idea of something that is known and flipping it on its head in a fantastical sense.

In The Association of Illustrators website, the author - Soojin Kwak - does not mention much about this project. She does mention that the book was made entirely using Photoshop. This replication of textures through the digital medium fascinates me, and I may explore this possibility in my own work going forward.

Che Febre! (2020) - Rina Allek

The book follows a sick protagonist, who wants to get through a long night forced under the covers. It turns out that her red sofa is not all that it seems; it's a magical companion that takes care of her whisks her away on an adventure, that makes the protagonist feel better. It is heavily implied throughout this sequence that the events that take place are just a dream.

Apart from the flavour text on the Silent Book website and her portfolio, there isn't much information on Rina Allek. She is an artist based in Moscow, who loves observing the world around her. In 2020, she graduated from the University of Moscow and currently works at a TV Channel. She dreams, like the best of us, to one day quit her job, move to the seaside and work on her own stories in private.

One thing I found nice was the use of a limited colour palette in this project. As of right now, I am thinking of doing the same; using a grayscale palette throughout the story, and switching to more vibrant colours during key moments of the plot.

Lo Zainetto di Matilde (2021) - Written by Silvia Del Francia and Luca Cognolato, Illustrated by Fabio Sardo

This book is based on the premise of children's backpacks. What do they carry? For the protagonist, Matilde, they carry more than pencils, a water bottle and a blanket. They carry memories of a good day. The book also emphasises the importance of grandparents in the development years of a child, with the deuteragonist being Matilde's own grandfather waiting to spend the day with her.

Lo Zainetto di Matilde was a collaborative effort between two writers and an illustrator. Silvia Del Francia and Luca Cognolato usually write together, but they also write alone and work with teams to design stories. They are part of the Arambì collective, and acclaimed award winning creators. Fabio Sardo lives and works in Milan as an illustrator. He holds workshops for children and online courses on illustrated books for adults. His works are also published by the major Italian publishing houses and translated abroad.

As with the other books, I enjoy the level of simplicity that goes into the character design itself, and the unique textural qualities embedded into the final product. Additionally, it appears that this book uses a mix of single page and double page illustrations as well.

Avventura nel Regno di Porcellana (2022) - Katerina Illnerova

Katerina Illnerova's story is one of a fisherman depicted on a porcelain vase. One day, a gust of wind takes aways his hat, which is lost in the decorations of other porcelains. So the fisherman sets off on a long search that will lead him to discover distant lands and new friends, from one porcelain vase to another. The idea came from Illnerova's love of teapots, she said in an interview. During her iconographic research on teapots, she fell in love with the world of blue and white porcelain.

Katerina is a very young illustrator from the Czech Republic. She is studying for a Master's degree at the Faculty of Design and Art of Ladislav Sutnar with a focus on illustration for children. Her work has been selected in numerous national and international competitions and comic festivals. In the Czech Republic, many of her illustrations have been published in children's books and magazines.

I enjoy this project's creativity, telling a story purely through the medium of porcelain. It puts the reader in the humble world of someone's kitchen or home, a mere observer to the events happening to this poor fisherman. It is also a clever way of paneling the story, by using in universe items to represent the "panels" in which events take place.

Il Ninja Innamorato (2023) - Ale Puro

As the latest competition winner as of writing this, Il Ninja Innamorato tells the simple story of a ninja scheming a thousand ways to steal his one true love; the moon. According to the author, the idea started from a very simple image he made recently, which depicts a dark silhouette of a character (very relatable to a ninja) with a moon-shaped backpack and a starry sky behind it. From this he imagined a sympathetic story and realised that it could be perfectly told without the use of text.

Puro lives and works in Vigevano. Fascinated by the world of graffiti, he start making murals under the pseudonym PURO and study the different forms of lettering. He studied at the Brera Academy of Fine Arts, in that period he approached the culture of street art and with his gaze turned towards the world of illustration, he began to create his first figurative works, on different surfaces and in different shapes. The style inspired by illustrations for children, combined with the simplicity and poetics of the dreamy world of the little ones, has allowed him to work and collaborate in various sectors, from private individuals to companies and above all with schools. His work can be found here;

These are all the senior winners of the Silent Book contest as of right now. Additionally, in order to gain a better understanding of what I can and can't do, I also want to look into the other contest entries. There is also a junior section of the competition, which may merit some value in looking into.

[xtrablak674]

Sometimes I Surprise Myself

I've been doing a retrospective of my life, revisiting old writings, journal entries, films, videos, recordings, voicemails, emails and designs and I am curiously impressed with my skills and abilities and the breadth and variety of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me taking a look back and trying to assess if I have had a fulfilling life or not. It feels like an end of life task, and I want to be clear I have never been suicidal and am not currently suicidal. I just feel like I am at the end of a journey or phase, and there may be some more adventures left, but it feels like a moment to reflect on what we have done so far.

Part of it is inspired by my nieces, niblings and nephews reaction to my deciding to stay at home and not leave the house at all because of all the disease related unrest and violence on the streets. My reflections allow me to communicate to them, look I have had a full life, I am on my fourth passport, I am mentally, financially, physically and spiritually at the best place I have ever been. I have no problems taking a respite from the world, I have partook deeply of the cup of life and there's nothing wrong with having the ability to take a break and sit quietly with myself.

What your parents accomplished or didn't accomplish is usually the bar for most people in how successful they are are aren't in their own lives. My father set the bar so low, having never really kept a job consistently, I had probably surpassed him in my early twenties, my moms work ethic was a beast, so it took a bit more time to surpass just the amount of time she put into work in her short forty-four year old life.

I found myself on the Wayback Machine a non-profit that archives the internet, and it reminded me how much I enjoyed website design. And then I recalled that I was self-taught, well under duress. I was forced to learn HTML at a job, to keep the job. But I didn't have to learn design. I had some desktop publishing skill heading into the position but being at such a creative agency, around such creative people, inspired my own creativity and it lead me to running briefly my own interactive branding company.

I have many of these sites and designs on CD/DVD but since I haven't had a desktop in a minute I haven't looked at them, so it was so much fun looking at actually coded websites. I had prided myself on learning CSS and sometimes designing an entire site in CSS. Some of those sites held up well, whereas some did not but it was a time when I could sit and hand-code for hours, I was so passionate about website design.

There was one thing I wasn't as good at, creating excellent work and not having that work fully appreciated. It wasn't hard to acknowledge that I really needed a partner with that business, and it would have probably would have had a longer shelf life. After spending hours in Photoshop, then having to hand-code sites, design brand identity materials, present work, sell concept and then execute the final assets it, was a lot when folks didn't realize how much ability and skill went into what you did.

I had one client hit me with a cease and desist because my own portfolio website was so search engine optimized that it came up first in the search results than their website. Things like this were a smack in the face and led me to become discouraged and disenfranchised about branding and website design. And like so many things in my life I moved on to something else.

But this is about what I did, not what I didn't continue to do, and I wanted to share some of this work again with the world, however small it may be. This blog is really just legacy building for my ego and albeit its public. I am fine if no one ever sees this because I am doing it for an audience of one, me.

[hintofelation99]

Please elaborate on the documentary of the League of Assassins

Well, if you insist...

I present to you the trailer for "The League of Assassins: An Indepth Exploration of the World's Most Prolific Group of Assassins"

The camera pans artfully over a snowy mountain range. Sad, dramatic, slowly building music plays.

Font: Duke Thomas and Damian Wayne Present

A woman's voice (Pru) narrates, she sounds teary: I- I was young, naive. I just wanted to join normal cult. Live in weird mansion, dress like a furry, punch a clown, y'know usual cult stuff. But this-

The scene switches to show Pru sitting in a featurless room with her hands folded on a table in front of her. She turns away from the camera, shuttering.

Pru: I never even got to dress in green panties or a yellow cape.

Pru cries, the music picks up, and the camera cuts away to the North Pole amusement park in Colorado. Jason walks through pointing at random kids.

Jason, labeling the kids: Assassin. Assassin. Assassin in training. Assassin.

Font: A motion picture in association with Wayne Enterprises, Superman, and Rent-a-Bat

Jason turns and blocks the camera as Damian (with his face blurred) walks by: Don't even film that one, blood thirsty beast.

Jason continues walking, gesturing wildly at random things like trashcans, park maps, and public bathrooms, but the videos audio fades.

Font: What Bruce Wayne called "the dumbest, most careless, life-threatening thing you boys have ever done!"

A voice over starts, dramatic views of the park continue to fill the screen.

Jason: Yeah, I was just a normal kid in a cult. I jumped off rooftops, punched the mentally ill, lived with a controlling rich dude. Then one day I woke up.

Dramatic dun dun

Duke: What happened after you woke up?

Jason: I became one of them...

The music really starts to speed up, like emotional action adventure trailer music or national geographic deadly animal documentary music. It cuts to Jason in a Little Gym with a plastic sword, he's swinging it around, occasionally dropping it or accidentally whacking himself.

Jason's voice narrates: They trained me to be a master assassin.

Jason accidentally hits himself in the shin with the sword. He falls down, dropping the sword, holding his shin and audibly groaning in pain.

Jason: I am- was one of the best.

Shows Jason on the floor with Dick (face blurred) rolling up his pant leg and examining perfectly clear skin.

Jason: They taught me how to fight, how to work past my fears, how to handle pain

Dick kisses the wound better as Jason bites his hand trying not to cry.

Jason: I don't even notice pain anymore.

Jason chuckles darkly as the video shows Dick putting a Green Lantern band-aid on his shin, which is still perfectly clear and uninjured.

Jason: I'm just trying to move past all of it.

Another dramatic mountain range shot, the music builds into an faster and more intense number, no longer trying to pull at the heartstrings just trying to get the viewers heart racing.

Font: And Harley Quinn calls "The greatest thing since that Joker documentary Duke Thomas made!!"

Damian speaks, his voice is modified to sound high pitched and mechanized: From the moment I was born I was trained to be the deadliest assassion.

A photoshopped picture of some random baby holding a knife flashes on screen. Another picture of that same baby flashes, this time photoshopped to look like the baby is assassinating a world leader.

Damian: I killed with no remorse.

The video switches to a shaky camera, clearly trying not to be seen. It's night, from the corner of the screen part of Batman's upper body can be seen. The music grows even more dramatic and faster, violins start playing.

Font: The greatest Labor Day weekend movie release since 'Jeepers Creepers 2'

Duke, yelling: What's your name?

Batman, typical growl: Excuse me?

Duke: Say your name!

Batman: Are you filming me?

The camera shakes as Duke runs away. Music reaches a peak.

Font: The documentary that will have you saying "Not Santa!"

Scene cuts to a dark room, the camera is blurred and shaking. A dramatic heartbeat like drumming plays.

Font: A never before seen look into...

Duke, sounding terrified: W-Who are you?

Duke, still scared but yelling: I said, who are you?

Ra's Al Ghul: I am the demon head.

Quickly cuts with a dramatic drum noise. On the screen the silhouettes of Deathstroke, Onyx, Pru, Black Bat, Batman, Red Hood, and Robin appear

Font: The League of Assassins: An Indepth Exploration of the World's Most Prolific Group of Assassins

A light creepy violin plays, Red Robin can be seen sitting on a roof top at night, obscured by shadows.

Red Robin: They took my spleen.

-----

After watching the trailer.

Bruce: You are not releasing it.

Duke: We are releasing it.

Bruce: You are NOT releasing it.

Damian: We ARE releasing it.

Bruce: YOU ARE NOT RELEASING IT!

Jason: I released it.

Also I started by planning to write like a funny short script for like a ten minute mockumentary, but then I was like "nah I'm either doing just the trailer or a whole damn script" so I now have part of the movies script in my drafts.

[mythiccheroacademia]

“Private villa and the fur chinchilla, When he post me, all the hoes get sicker. Fuckboy killer, I don’t need fillers, Never been a lame so the real bitches feel it.”                          —Saweetie

Word Count: 1.3K Pairing: Dabi X Reader Context: Everything is the same, but the LOV are rich af bc they be scamming the hell out of people. Warnings: explicit language, drug and alcohol use, sexual content (no straight up smut tho), nudity ig but implied bc this takes place at a strip club lol

All characters are 21+

A/N: When I tell you I had way too much fun making this little header...someone needs to take photoshop away from me. Quickly! Also, sorry if your name is Rebecca, MJ, or Rinah. I promise I like you. Anyways, I hope y’all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it <3

Dabi | Tap In

It had been a long week.

After dealing with the authorities and keeping tabs on his sperm donor—as he liked to put it—Dabi needed a way to take the stress away.

And he knew the perfect way to do so.

Dabi took a long inhale of the thick blunt in his hand before puffing out a cloud of smoke that mixed along with the misty air. The multicolored strobe lights shined over the dancers who skillfully spun around the pole. The cheers and chatters within the crowd swirled well into the music and quickly became background noise.

He sunk into the couch, watching the scene with a lazy gaze, and relaxed as the hands of giggling waiters and waitresses smoothed over the expensive material of his coat.

“Feeling good, big boss?” a pretty redhead asked. She’s no stranger to him, but he cant remember if her name started with a C or an R.

Regardless of her name, she was good with her hands. After a minute of staring at a dancer performing an impressive back hook spin, Dabi was quick to groan in relief when she massaged a knot out of his neck.

“Fantastic,” he sighed.

An attractive man, with hair like gelatin, popped up on his other side, stealing his attention with the drink in his hand. The woman glared at him in distaste.

“Would you care for a Martini? I know you like them stirred,” he purred, eyes on the dark-haired man’s crystal embedded watch before they slowly eyed his exposed chest.

Dabi took another puff, thinking about if he was in the mood for it. He was just about to answer when someone else chimed in.

“You had that last week. What about a Whiskey Sour?” This time it was a woman with snake like features. She leaned in, slim tongue hissing dangerously next to his lips. “You can never go wrong with that.”

“Everybody knows Dabi prefers that on Saturday’s,” the first women huffed.

“And everyone knows Dabi prefers a Screwdriver on a night like this,” another person said, their hand gliding along his chest. Dabi shrugged but didn’t pay much attention to them. The waiter sent a challenging smirk to the redhead. “Something you probably wouldn’t know much about, Rebecca.”

Ahh so that’s what her name was. I knew it had an R and a C in it.

“Fuck off, MJ.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Here we go,” the man with gelatin hair grumbled.

They ignored him and continued their bickering.

“Just say your jealous of me and go!”

“Jealous? Baby, I wouldn’t be jealous of you on your best day. Like, ew.”

The snake-like woman rolled her eyes in irritation. “I can’t stand you bitches,” she muttered under her breathe.

Rebecca’s eyes turned a violent red as she seethed in anger. “Why you dirty little—“

“Am I interrupting something?”

For the first time since he got to the club, Dabi’s eyes found focus. Real focus. His crystal blue eyes lit up against the darkness of room when your voice silenced the petty argument going on.

You stood in front of him, chin high and eyes confident despite the four pairs of unfriendly glares on you. It was always like this. The dark-haired man could walk into any room and be immediately surrounded by people who shamelessly fawned over him. Whether it was for his money, his power, his undeniable looks, or the mysterious aura that followed him, they were on the man the moment he made his presence known. They’d light his cigar, buy him drinks, and flaunt whatever body parts they needed to for a second of his attention.

Sometimes, Dabi would mess around when he had the time. Other times, he’d just enjoy the attention. But all of that went out the window when you came into the picture. And whether they wanted to admit it or not, everybody knew it.

For some reason, he just couldn’t get out of his head no matter how many times he fucked you silly.

Dabi liked the knowing smirk on your lips as his eyes raked over your face and body, committing every feature to memory as if he hadn’t had the pleasure of indulging in it before.

It was something about the way you wore the clothes he bought for you so well. It made his pants uncomfortably tight in the best way.

“Nothing at all, doll-face. Mind keeping me company?” he said.

“Sure thing,” you shrugged.

You squeezed through the small parade he had going on, and plopped yourself right on his lap. Dabi happily attached his grip to the meat of your thigh, enjoying the way your hand raked down his tattooed neck.

“Why don’t you guys give us some privacy?” he off-handedly said. “Oh and Rinah was it? Can you get a Tequila Sunrise for Y/N? Two cherries. Gin tonic for me.”

“You remembered,” you chuckled, sensually dragging your thumb across his bottom lip.

“Of course I did, babe.”

The four internally groaned as Dabi seemed to become enraptured in your gaze. 

“It’s Rebecca,” the woman muttered before going off to get the drink. They all dispersed, leaving the two of you alone.

After your drink was made, you two spent the next half hour talking, laughing, drinking and smoking together. You enjoyed each other’s company. It was easy between you two. Your adventures were wild from leaving the country to spending nights skinny dipping in random pools. It was fun and there wasn’t much commitment on either part, however, despite indulging in your separate endeavors, you always came back to each other. And you would never admit it to one another, but there was comfort to be taken in that.

Before you knew it, your legs were seated on either side of his hips and his hands were feeling on your ass. The curtains surrounding the lounge chair had been closed long ago and it was only a matter of time before you’d take advantage of the privacy.  

“So remind me again why I haven’t heard from you in two weeks?” you questioned, a teasing smile in your voice.

You rolled your head and fluttered your eyes closed as Dabi trailed hot kisses on your chest and shoulders.

“Police were on our ass. Had to move locations. Important shit,” he responded between each kiss.

“More important than lil’ ole me?”

“Can’t finance your shopping addiction if I’m in jail, sweetheart.”

You almost gave up your playfulness when his veiny hand gripped your jaw and his tongue slowly traveled up the length of your neck. If the bulge against your thigh was anything to go by, he was more than excited, but you wanted to have your fun.

A slight grind of your hips had him growling against you. You threaded your hands through the back of his hair to pull his head back. 

“But you promised we’d go to that Italian restaurant downtown. I was really in the mood for some pasta,” you faux pouted.

Your puffed out lips and slow grinding took him over the edge.

“Then I’ll take you to fucking Italy next week to make up for it,” he rumbled before swinging you down so you were on your back. You laughed at his antics but it was short lived as he gave you a kiss that made you see stars.

Once you separated, a silver line of saliva breaking your connection, a devilish smile took over your lips as he hovered above you with one of his own.

“I’ll hold you to it,” you said.

He laughed through his nose and shook his head. You were a pain in the ass, yet here he was ready to devour you at any second.

Dabi licked his lips before lowering himself down your body.

“Now if you don’t mind,” he began. Your stomach erupted in butterflies as his eyes remained on your own. He slowly pulled your pants off you in waves and sent you a smirk that gave you goosebumps.

“I’m in the mood for something a little different.”

[what-even-is-thiss]

fic, off of land, out of water. 6. Final chapter.

It’s been six months. I have nothing to say for myself. I hope it’s an okay conclusion.

Warning for near death experience.

First   Previous

6. Sincerity

Drowning is not something known to merfolk. Logan didn’t know that it existed before he came to dry land and it was one of the things Virgil made sure to explain to him on the first car ride away from the coast.

“Human lungs can’t hold water.” He said

“But why?” Logan asked, still wiping the tears from his eyes.

Virgil propped Logan’s new glasses on his head to keep the salty water from staining them.

“Because we just can’t. So don’t breathe any in.”

“Then why does Patton have a container of it in the front?” Logan asked.

“I’m drinking it, Logan. Not breathing it.” Patton said.

“Drinking?” Logan asked.

“It’s like eating but with liquid.” Roman said, carefully examining a pimple in the mirror. “Hey, do you think I could cover this up before tonight?”

“Why? I think it’s an improvement.” Virgil said.

“That was uncalled for.” Logan said.

“Don’t mind him. He’s an only child.” Virgil said.

“Oh, one of those. Well we’ll have fun with him then.” Roman said.

……….

Logan’s brain started working at a pace so fast that it seemed as if time slowed down to a snail's crawl. Seconds took years to pass as his brain remembered everything that it could

“The human instinct to hold breath underwater is so overwhelming that it is very difficult to overcome.” Logan’s brain said. “The average person can only hold their breath for 30 to 60 seconds. Experienced pearl divers can hold their breath for as long as ten minutes. Navy seals (no relation to the creature) can hold their breath for two minutes. However, the most you’ve ever been able to manage is 20 seconds.”

Logan looked around. It was dark. One second had passed. His eyes stung and his glasses began to separate from his face. The inertia of his initial jump was still pushing him downward.

“It is easier to float in saltwater which increases your odds slightly. However, you have never swam with legs before. Don’t move them. Push upward. You have approximately 80 seconds before your lungs involuntarily breathe in. At that point your chances of survival are slim. The land is an unforgiving bastard. He’s not letting you go yet. Find a way to breathe.”

……….

Before Roman got roped in with the lawyer he used to occasionally show Logan his day job. At this point he got enough acting jobs and shows that he could’ve lived modestly, but Roman was never one for modesty and freelance graphic design was a much more stable job than acting or being a drag queen. It wasn’t as stable as other jobs but where’s the adventure in a salary?

“We all lose it at some point, Logan.” Roman said the first time. “It’s good to have something to fall back on.”

Logan watched the movements on the computer screen.

“What is ‘it’ exactly?” He asked.

“You know. The… the thing. Whatever makes you tick. The special…”

He waved his hands around. “Ah, whatever.”

“Like my…” Logan couldn’t make himself say it. There were too many things he could say.

Roman focused on the graph overlaying the photoshop screen in front of him but kept talking.

“I know you think I’m an overly dramatic and very attractive idiot, and I am, but I do have a heart you know.”

“Well obviously you have a heart. How else would blood circulate through your body? I’m 100% certain that humans are mammals and…”

“No, no, Microsoft nerd.” Roman said. “It’s an expression. In old times before… I dunno, science, a lot of humans thought that emotions came from the heart. We don’t have voodoo or whatever it is you do”

“Practical magic.” Logan mumbled.

“Whatever. Anyways, uh, when I say I have a heart I’m assuming you think I don’t care about you or that you think I only think about myself but that’s not true. Metaphorically uh, speaking, um, if someone has a heart they have compassion.”

The logo for a burger cart seemed to have finalized while Roman was talking. Logan leaned against him to get a better look at it. Now would be a good time to shrug Logan off and give him a lesson in American ideas of personal space but Roman didn’t feel like it. So he listened to Logan talk about how it made no sense that a burger would have eyes and how much he hated that fusion restaurant Patton and Virgil took him to last week.

One thing he and Logan did have in common was that they never shut up.

……….

His hands weren’t moving. Why weren’t they moving?

“Fear paralysis.” His brain hissed.

……….

Logan always lost races. He was small. He was weak. He knew he was small and weak and he hated it. He spent most of his time looking at drawings or listening to storytellers.

“You should be one of them.” His father said.

“I could never be that exciting.” Logan said.

“You don’t have to be exciting.” His father said. “ do whales think about how exciting they are?”

Logan cocked his head to the side. “No!” He said with childish certainty.

“Be more like a whale.” His father said. “Or I’ll get ya like a whale!”

He grabbed the five year old mer-child by his tail and spun him around in the water like a gear. Logan let out a delighted high pitched whistle and pretended to try to swim away as his father grabbed him around the middle and tickled him.

……..

Logan had been underwater for ten seconds when he broke the surface. This was a lot harder than it looked. Before he went under again he heard some shouting that kind of sounded like Roman.

He had never noticed that water had a sound before. He had spent the first twenty three years of his life submerged in it and never realized that it made noise while it moved. Maybe because his ear canal had always been full of it. Now it sounded like rumbling.

Something grabbed around his waist and he flinched. He tried to get away. He lost precious air. What was happening?

Air.

……….

Logan held Virgil’s head gently and looked at the angry red marks on his face.

“You just had to get yourself in trouble again, didn’t you?” Virgil whispered.

“It’s not like me to make the same mistake twice.” Logan said.

“Well here I am. You’re shaking. How long was I out?”

“Two weeks.”

“Are we in your apartment? Where’s your mom?”

“The same place my dad is.”

“Wait, you don’t mean…”

“She went looking for him, yes. And… I suppose succeeded in a way.”

“Oh, Logan.”

“Logically, you are still alive. So thank the tides for that.”

Mer cities are just as advanced as human cities, but whereas human cities use electricity, mer cities use magic. To a human it would look like Virgil was just wrapped in seaweed. In reality, he was. But his best friend had also not stopped chanting magic spells over him day and night for almost a week. An act of great compassion that he would never, ever admit to doing.

……...

Somebody slapped him.

“You idiot!” Roman yelled.

Logan squinted through his blurry vision.

“You’re… soaking wet.” He said.

“No shit, Sherlock.”

Something dry in a polo shirt grabbed him and started crying and he registered what was going on.

“Oh, I see. I uh… messed up.” Logan said.

A strong hand helped him up.

“Yeah. That’s two mistakes now. You’re on a roll.” Virgil’s voice said.

“I… only almost killed you once,” Logan said. “Or twice. Okay. Twice.”

“H-hey look he’s catching on to the… he’s… almost funny.” Roman said

“Are you sobbing?” Logan asked.

“Yes, okay? I’m dramatic! Now let’s get out of here before someone calls the cops.”

They got out of there before someone called the cops.

………..

There is an end written to this story, but it’s not the end of this story. Because after this end, the boys will continue to live. These men will have stories. Roman will leave his boyfriend but foolishly keep a line open. Patton will go to college, finish it, be unsatisfied, go back, and then be satisfied this time. His relationship with his mother will never be fully repaired, if it was ever whole, but it will improve.

And Logan and Virgil, two men who have always known who they are and why but will never know where they will be tomorrow or what species they will be tomorrow, will keep telling stories. Eventually they will start a podcast, because Virgil is tall and Logan is short and they sound exactly the same way that they look. And two months worth of recordings can be binged.

Virgil still whistles and it’s just as charming and annoying as ever. He will never stop. And now that Logan can read, there’s really no end to the ways he can be a know-it-all.

But before all that happens, this story that you’re reading or listening to (depending on whether you’re on land or in the sea) ends. And it goes a little something like this:

……….

Two men stand together alone in a cave and one of them takes off his glasses. One is tall and one is short. One is named Virgil, the other Logan. They’re very young in the grand scheme of things but they are not children by anyone’s standards. They’ve seen and felt too much already but that’s okay. Everyone does. And the ocean is calling them back. Together this time.

Logan puts his glasses inside the cooler and weighed it down with a rock.

“Are you ready?” Virgil asked in his deep voice

“Well I wasn’t born ready. That’s impossible. One doesn’t emerge from an egg ready for anything. However, I was born to be ready for this. So yes. I am ready.”

“Robotic as always.” Virgil said.

They took hands and a running leap. And for the first time in weeks or over a year depending, they breathed in the warm saltwater of the mid Atlantic. And Logan, for the first time in Virgil’s memory, let out a human laugh.

“I’m breathing!” He clicked with ease. “I’m swimming!”

“And I’ll bet you remember the way home.” Said the merman with the black and silver tail and a scar on his stomach.

“I remember everything.” Logan said. “Everything.”

And this is the way he told it to me. And now, the way I tell it to you.

[leviblum]

↪ brief introduction to levi blum.

BASICS

full name: levi aksel blum. nickname(s): lev. age: twenty-nine. date of birth: 15 september 1992. zodiac sign: virgo. place of birth: san diego, california, united states. ethnicity: white, ashkenazi jewish.   nationality: american. gender: cis male. sexual orientation: pansexual. romantic orientation: panromantic. religion: levi grew up practicing judaism alongside his family and though he doesn’t practice as strictly as he did when he was younger he still tries to attend temple as often as he can, tries to keep a kosher diet, etc. education: bachelor’s of fine arts in photography from the university of southern california. occupation: he’s a professional surfer though he’s taking a break from the sport while he recovers from an injury; to make money outside of that he’s a freelance photographer. language(s) spoken: english, hebrew, yiddish.  accent: he definitely has what people might consider to be a “stereotypical” southern california accent– of the sort that surfers have on television but if you asked him he’d be fairly adamant that he doesn’t have an accent at all.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

face claim: logan lerman. hair color: dark brown. eye color: blue. height: 5′9″. weight: 159 lbs. build: athletic. tattoos: he has an ocean themed sleeve on his left arm ( here ) & a tattoo on his chest of a cresting wave ( here ). piercings: he has a septum piercing and two lobe piercings in his left ear. distinguishing characteristics: people tend to comment on his sleeve tattoo when he can wear clothes that show it off, his demeanor – he’s a relatively mellow person, how passionate he is about his work.

PERSONALITY

label: the thalassophile. positive traits: adventurous, affectionate, ambitious, compassionate, confident, creative, easy-going, empathetic, fearless, genuine, loyal, passionate, persistent, quick-witted, relaxed, sincere, thoughtful. negative traits: boastful, flippant, gullible, impatient, impulsive, irresponsible, jealous, opinionated, petty, possessive, sarcastic, shameless, stubborn.   goals/desires: to recover from his injury and get back to surfing, to make the best of the time he’s in providence peak, to be open to any new experiences life throws at him.  fears: that surfing won’t ever be the same after his injury, that he’ll never feel fulfilled doing anything else when his surfing career is over.  hobbies: screwing around editing in photoshop, listening to podcasts, skateboarding, hanging out with his dog, playing guitar, watching foreign films, watching old american films, going to temple, facetiming with his sisters, going out with his friends, drinking, surfing, learning new photography skills, people watching, sex, scrolling through dating apps when he’s bored, collecting skateboard decks, cooking, going to the beach, swimming, traveling, finding creative ways to keep a kosher diet, smoking pot.   quirks: he talks with his hands when he’s excited about something, he’ll invariably mention surfing at least once in any given conversation without thinking about it, he always seems to have some top 40 song or another stuck in his head, he chews on his fingernails when he’s anxious, he always seems just a little too relaxed in any given situation.  likes: visiting places he’s never been before, doing tourist-y stuff in new cities, meeting new people, talking about surfing, skateboarding, spending time with friends, dad jokes, hanging out with his cousin, good beer / good alcohol in general, mexican food, coffee, watching nature documentaries, true crime podcasts, cheesy action movies, foreign films, old hollywood films, the beach, adrenaline highs, sex, people he can be totally relaxed around.   dislikes: dealing with shitty people, anyone who wants to talk shit on what he’s chosen to do with his life, not being able to surf, physical therapy, missing temple, being away from the water for long periods of time, wine, anti-semites, not seeing his family for most lengths of time, bad pot. 

FAMILY

father: gabriel isaak blum. mother: astrid marie blum ( née bronson ). sibling(s): abigail, hannah & naomi blum. pet(s): he has a six month old husky puppy named kelly ( after kelly slater ). financial status: upper middle class.

BIOGRAPHY

When Astrid Bronson and Gabriel Blum met on a sunny afternoon in Los Angeles it seemed even to the friends who’d introduced them that something in the universe that had longed to settle down had finally clicked into place. Their backgrounds were wildly different– Astrid having grown up in Hollywood with family who had been involved in the both the entertainment industry on one side and the media in general on the other; and Gabriel hailing from a small community in the Sierra Nevada’s that had never been home to more than three hundred people during the length of his life there and still managed to be one of the most wonderful, accepting places he’d ever known. In Gavin’s mind it had been a waste of his first two weeks at UCLA to not have met Astrid any sooner than he’d managed to and it seemed to him to be a stroke of luck of the highest sort that Astrid was just as smitten with him as he was with her– to their friends it seemed that there wasn’t a more perfect match in the world for either of them and when they started dating no one batted an eye. By the time their respective degree programs were drawing to a close they were engaged and Astrid was pregnant with their first child— leaving behind the sprawling city for the suburbs of San Diego where they hoped to raise their family in an environment that would be well suited to anything their children might want to do with their lives.

In the end it would be the third Blum child who developed such an intense fascination with the ocean that Astrid and Gabriel made it a point to allow him to pursue any and all water based activities he wanted as he grew up and proved to be precocious and headstrong and passionate in all the same ways his parents were and then some. Levi, ultimately the only son the Blum’s would have out of their four children, was borderline obsessed with visiting the seaside whenever he could– begging his parents to take them on weekend trips as often as possible and, when he was seven, begging his uncle to teach him how to surf– something he’d wanted to do since he was a small child. Everything in his life seemed to click when he was on the water and Levi quickly developed a love for surfing that, to hear his family tell it, was matched only by the natural talent he seemed to possess for the sport. He spent endless hours surfing in La Jolla with his friends as he got older and though he was an equally gifted student he’d made it clear to his parents that surfing was all he wanted to do with his life and by the time he was fourteen he was competing in tournaments all over the world with his parents wholehearted support.

Levi finished school online to earn his GED at the age of sixteen and from that moment on threw all of his attention into competing– he racked up sponsors, magazine covers, and even at the junior level was expected to be a credit to the sport all around when he finally made it to the majors to surf with people he’d admired since he was a small child. It was only after a long conversation with his parents that he considered pursuing anything resembling a college degree after he’d been gifted a camera to honor his first tournament in the pros when he aged out of the juniors bracket. He wasn’t wholly convinced he could manage a full degree almost entirely remotely but after considerable conversation with professors in schools in California he’d considered attending, he enrolled at USC with the intention of earning his degree in photography while he continued to compete professionally. It was difficult on his best days but when he walked the stage to graduate four years later with a degree in something he was just as passionate about as surfing, well, Levi wasn’t sure he’d ever done anything in the world that made him prouder.

As the years passed Levi’s skill and passion for his career in surfing earned him a small handful of victories in major tournaments and even more in major opens and it seemed to him that nothing in his life could ever be better– at least until he blew out his knee in a tournament and found a season ending injury staring him in the face. It was devastating to him in more ways than he could count and rather than return to his home in San Diego he made the decision to seek out a place to live in Providence Peak at the behest of his cousin who had lived there for several years. There was no surfing to be done there but Levi hoped it would make it easier for him to focus on his rehab if there was nothing for him to do to exacerbate his injury– since his move to Providence Peak he has had surgery and is recovering from his injury, working as a photographer to keep himself busy in the mean time. It wasn’t the worst spot he’d ever found himself in but with months of recovery staring him in the face he still found his thoughts drifting towards the ocean and the sport he can’t wait to return to.

[figureskating-in-color]

Yuzuru Hanyu in gouache. It's done! Thanks for all your encouragement. Nerdy painting details and rants about gouache paints to follow under the cut. -Yuzu is the ultimate artists' muse.

I got this set of Holbein gouache paints this November. I saw James Gurney use it for his youtube demos and thought why on earth haven't I tried these yet? First impression: 'I need to change my work-flow' Here's the very first tryout.

I'm always too ambitious to start, fail big, and then start small again. I painted fruits, trees and landscapes for the next few weeks.

Being emotionally invested in the outcome of a painting is a terrible stumbling block. No help for it though.  To prepare for the Yuzu painting I made 2 small thumbnails, value and color.

I was cautiously optimistic after the 2 thumbnails, but when doing the actual painting I got soooo stuck. I made ALL the mistakes. I was fighting the medium, which wants to be bold and simple. The opacity of the paint saved me somewhat. And a photoshop trick...

Half way through painting, I scanned the image, made edits in photoshop that I wanted, THEN repainted those changes onto the paper.  You can't do this with watercolors or other transparent mediums. Without it, I may have just thrown it away.

There's an ideal in my head that's not quite what was painted, but I learned so much. The adventure continues. I probably should use a bigger paper. This was only B5. -Took about 10 hours. --Way too long. 

[yutaya]

Iron Fist Rewatch: 1x01: Snow Gives Way

-Someone barging into Ward's office acting like they own the place and also know Harold is alive must have sent such a jolt of fear through Ward for a second

-Ward puts himself between Danny and Joy when it seems like Danny might get physical

-Ward tells Joy not to have Danny arrested - Harold concerns?

-Danny PTSD set off by the elevator turbulence?? But he was fine going up. Just stress induced? He's shaking.

-FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT BREAK INTO THAT HOUSE

-Joy's dog just disappears after this episode?

-Danny just meditates or something to get that dog to calm down. Calms his mind so as to seem not a threat / not present? Is Danny some sort of animal whisperer? I'm now positive that at some point during Danny and Ward's Adventures Across Asia, they were stranded somewhere for some reason, Ward is complaining about being stuck in some muddy backwater hick town or whatever, Danny just sort of strolls up to some large animals (attached to a cart? Wait, that would be stealing. Hm...) goes all zen state, then says to Ward "they'll take us to the next town" like that's a normal series of events and not COMPLETELY INSANE, DANNY, WHAT THE F---.

-Pictures on Joy's shelf: Harold with his arm around young Joy, all six of them on some vacation. Rands + Meachums kind of separated in this photo, though. Don't people normally stand closer together in group photos? Also, young Joy much shorter than young Danny. Note: Wendall's hands on both Heather and Danny's shoulders. Harold's hand on Joy's shoulder. Ward and Danny both have hands in pockets.

-"Dad says rules are for pussies" ;___; (Young Ward refusing to pay monopoly rent because he just doesn't want to. Starting the corrupt financial elite training off early, huh?)

-"Oh, here comes Mommy and Daddy to protect you and give you lots of hugs and kisses and tell you what a sweet little boy you are. It's disgusting. *sweeps all the game pieces off the table even though they've clearly been playing for awhile and it's not like Danny just won he was only asking for like $200*" Ward, you dramatic bitch. Also, they were literally only saying they were home, not necessarily rushing in to protect Danny from the Big Bad Ward refusing to pay $200 monopoly money. Metaphorically, I suppose this is still Ward being a sore loser, though. It's not monopoly Danny beat him at, it's having parents who love him. T_T AND THEN HE LIES ABOUT IT, PLAYING THE BELEAGUERED BABYSITTER, ASDFGHJKL - WARD. (Note: neither Danny nor Joy speak up against this blatant unfairness. Previous failure? YOU'RE SUCH A BULLY, WARD.)

-Big Al is first person to be friendly to Danny and I'm sure Danny doesn't forget it. Headcanon Danny is def actively caring towards 'lower class', including homeless and drug addicts, and actually sees + treats them as equals. Classism definitely a theme in these shows with the people who struggle financially like Colleen being the kindest and most charitable and the rich being assholes.

-But also why is he informing Danny that the internet can be used as a search engine with no prior indication in their conversation that Danny doesn't know this? I mean, Danny does not, in fact, know this, but.

-In the news article, the photo of the Rands is the same one in Joy's apartment, but the Meachums are not there. However, they are not merely cropped out: the background extends into the spot they should occupy. Did some poor news article graphic designer have to go find a photo of that tourist spot background at the exact right angle and photoshop them together to get rid of the Meachums, or was Joy's photo a photoshopped family vacation image, which could have explained the awkward distance between the two families, even though it wouldn't have been that hard in editing to set them all closer together? Maybe they all still went on the same vacation together, but instead of asking a passerby to take a photo for them, both families took photos of each other and then someone combined them at a later date? Practically speaking, that still means the angle would be likely to be off for the background, and it's also suspicious that there are zero other tourists around. These rich families rented out the entire space?? Would lend to lack of external parties to take a group pic for them. Obviously, IRL explanation is they're all photoshopped onto a static background, but fun to think of the in-universe reasons. ...Actually, most likely explanation is that they took multiple photos - Rand only, Meachum only, maybe also kids only, Wendall+Harold only, etc, as well as group. So this entire train of thought is inconsequential. Oops.

-Harold had a big event funeral, "mayor and everything"? That must have been fun for both Harold and Ward, with significantly different usages of the word 'fun'.

-Hello Joy, not only did I follow you home to accost you at your front door the morning after I attacked the security at your workplace to enter your probably restricted top floor executives offices, I also did extensive research into your childhood history down to the position you and your friend played on your childhood soccer team, oh and also I broke into your house yesterday where I interacted with your dog. Now watch while I prove my physical prowess by flipping over a taxi.

-Bird flying into city while Danny meditates?? Symbolically, follows the idea of the bird flying through the pass that was Danny's sign to leave K'un Lun and return to NYC. Spiritually - what? AU where the bird is Danny's spirit animal and he's connected to it / seeing through its eyes right now. For the HDM AU fans: bird could be Danny's separated dæmon? (Would a HDM AU Danny's dæmon be a dragon? Honestly, idk how much dragon stereotypes match Danny's personality. Would have to think about that. Would be funny if someone else had the dragon dæmon, not any of the Fist holders.)

-Danny. Danny. Colleen JUST HUNG THAT FLYER UP. Take one of the little tabbies, if you must, that's what they're for, but don't take the entire flyer down! Those cost money, you know. And it takes time to cut all those little tabbies out and then go around hanging the flyers up.

-Colleen be like "dear god, this is why you shouldn't be nice to people, they start trying to hit on you, @ random park dude, please stop talking at me and following me while I continually shift out of your line of vision"

-Danny: "Hey you speak Chinese? I speak Chinese." Colleen: "I'm Japanese you dick. :)"

-Ward: I'm gonna make sure our personal security team is guarding you against this clear and present threat, but also we're still not calling the police??

-Ward turns this from either a crazy homeless guy or a scam artist into a potential organized corporate sabotage - the kind of threat that Joy is more easily able to compartmentalize her emotions on and crush under her heel?

-Ward just gets into a moving vehicle with someone he has verbally acknowledged as an active threat to his family. Did you have ANY stranger danger safety lessons growing up, Ward?

-Danny now appears to be actively threatening Ward, while using the reasoning that Ward and everyone else have been seriously trying his patience and he's in danger of losing his temper, but he's still giving Ward one last chance to back down. Note: this is a technique commonly employed by abusers, and probably more triggering to Ward than Danny knows, even though Danny probably actually does think he's being sincere as opposed to manipulative.

-->Aaaand Ward responds by ratcheting up instead, because of course he does, IMMEDIATELY leading to the gun to head scene. oh, geez.

-Danny provides personal details - probably this is the moment Ward starts to believe it might actually be Danny somehow, against all logic and reason. He looks shaken, then immediately starts trying to gaslight Danny. asdfghjkl WARD.

-->Ward lying to Danny's face and putting himself in the position of the righteous with Danny as the person in the wrong when they both know it's a lie is very reminiscent of the monopoly scene from when they were kids and the implied constant behavior from when they were kids. But this time, Danny doesn't accept it the way he did as a kid. He stares at Ward, remembering this pattern, actively teetering on PTSD flashback mode, and fights back. Makes Ward think he might be about to kill them both - while having flashbacks that hinder his ability to stop so Danny in hindsight gets freaked out about what he almost did too. (Note: looking freaked out and claiming he didn't mean to almost kill them both just now was probably more concerning to Ward rather than less.) And then he promises he'll be back because this isn't over. gdi, Danny, no wonder Ward wants you gone asap.

-Colleen, trying to tell Danny to go away because he's being a creeper: TAKE A HINT TAKE A HINT

-Danny, casually: Oh yeah Master Lei Gun "The Thunderer" used to smack me hard in the face with the practice swords

-Colleen bringing a sword to a gun fight

-Danny grabs enemy's gun, but not to use as weapon/defense - only to disarm it and run off - which Colleen sees.

-What festival is this that's happening in Chinatown? Has anyone figured out an IF timeline? Could compare dates to real world events, see if there's any potential cross over.

-None of these bystanders so much as bother to look at the fistfights happening 2 feet away from them

-Ward sitting in his office eating his food (it has decorative greens so you know it's ~fancy~) and answers his phone smiling because he's expecting the good news that Danny-probably-an-impersonator-but-also-potentially-maybe-not-but-we're-not-thinking-about-that-Ward-get-a-hold-of-yourself is dead. Way to be a villain stereotype, Ward. I know you try real hard at it so good job uwu

-Harold intro. Ward clearly at his beck and call and just as clearly resentful of it. "I think...” *resigned* “-of course, right away." is such immediate shorthand for someone abusing the power imbalance. (Note: Ward puts off approaching Harold with the "Danny problem" until night 2, tries to handle it quietly until he has implicated himself (Danny now knows Ward tried to have him killed) and Danny is still present and now an even bigger threat)

-So many elevators. All express to specific floors/areas? This lobby is so unsettling. Elevator leads to another hall full of elevators, then stairs, then handprint access to hall with second elevator into penthouse. (Note: Ward is one of those people who press the close door button multiple times with a frustrated facial expression)

-Ward to Harold: "How do you even know about that? ...Shit. Are you behind this? Is this another one of your stupid tests?"

-Harold to Ward: "I wish you would take things like this more seriously, so I don't see my company destroyed."

-Photos on Harold's shelf: young Joy, posed photo of Meachums in formal-ish clothing, Harold's hands on both kids shoulders, indistinguishable group of people on a bridge(?) somewhere. Group photo atop a fancy box, Joy photo in front of the Meachum family photo. On Harold's desk: another photo of young Joy, this one looks like one of those posed school photos where they have the kid stand against a "tree" backdrop.

-Ward says out loud that he could ignore Harold and Harold wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Harold casually observes that Ward is now and has always been childish. Ward remarks that Harold has been telling Ward he's disappointed in him his whole life. Harold is still disappointed in Ward right now.

-Harold: this is how you make your employees loyal to you. *proceeds to display his complete dominance over Kyle, who looks nervous and threatened by the direct attention* Ward: "Jesus, Dad, what the hell is wrong with you?" (Still doesn't do anything to remove Kyle from this situation though)

-Harold lectures at Ward as if everything Ward has ever done is wrong, always, including snapping his fingers at him when he starts to speak himself, like a bad dog, and listing off things that Ward has already brought up to Joy as if Ward is an incompetent who would never consider those angles himself

-Ward makes a snide comment, Harold snaps at him, Ward smiles a little bit because he has succeeded in getting under Harold's skin for a moment

-Harold: Leave this to me. I'll tell you exactly what to do. Ward: Like always. Harold: Like always.

-Awww, Danny was rushing back to tell his new friend Al all about Ward sending people to kill him, possibly looking for advice? ;_; (Also, why is there a foreboding music significance to Al having a bird tattoo? Does this ever come back??? I don't remember this mystery going anywhere.)

-Danny is lurking in Joy's office. He doesn't say anything even slightly reassuring, like that he has an appointment, just heavily implies that he snuck in. sigh.

-"I'm not gonna hurt you," Danny laughs, after displaying a whole lot of extremely threatening behavior. Joy smiles, drugs him, and buys time until it kicks in.

[ofhenri]

hellllo i’m hayley n i’m from london so natuRALLY i’ve got the love/hate relationship with gmt. anyway i’m super excited to introduce you all to my dumb but well-meaning son, henri ! 

BIO // PINTEREST // STATS 

first off i, much like henri, never know when to shut up dkjfdfdsf so!! a word of warning is that his bio is LONG but worthwhile if u would like to read some dumb boy antics !

ABOUT 

so. it really all starts with a mamma mia styled adventure to europe in 1998. henri’s mother, tabitha, was just out there living her best life as an artist and sleeping with her muses ( i wouldn’t be surprised if it was still complete with musical numbers bc she’s That bitch ). until she returned back home and realised a big oops... the big oops being henri ofc. 

i said it in his bio but he really is a bit more of a concept than a person!! tabitha named henri after her favourite artist, henri talouse-lautrec, but also guessed the last name of one of the potential dads based on the fact she liked paris most from her trip so henri came to be known as henri rousseau as more of a reminder to the trip than anything. kinda like a keychain or a snowglobe but y’know. a baby. 

he was actually born in the obx!! but his mum was only there for a lil trip so they moved to chicago when he was two weeks old. very much a ‘they didn’t have much, but at least they had each other’ kind of situation in a one-bedroom apartment for his early years. 

up until the time he was nine things were pretty idyllic! he had a little too much freedom to explore potential hobbies and his mother really wanted him to follow in her footsteps with painting, but all he really liked doing was making his mum smile ( a Sweet boy what can i say ) ... and playing pranks on his classmates ( not so Sweet )

then his mum met his step-dad, bill, when he was nine at an art show. bill was always a little sterner than his mother, he was an art critic, with a six-year-old daughter called meaghan. henri slowly saw his mum put aside her dreams, albeit in the form of taking down pictures and replacing them with new dreams of having a family. and it hurt! because his entire being is based off his mother’s dreams. by the time henri turned eleven, his mother and bill decided to move in together, and so they moved from their familiar little apartment into a much fancier townhouse in chicago with bill and his daughter.

henri didn’t really adjust to moving schools too well, especially with trying to make new friends and kinda took to just goofing around as that’s totally how you make friends, right? except it came at the cost of his grades n when his report card arrived by the summer he was told something straight out of the fresh prince - go stay with theo in the outer banks as they both thought that being around the other boy would be good for henri. calm him down a little or inspire him to do better. his mum gave him a camera as a parting gift and the rest is history. 

after that things passed without much note. his summers were spent in the outer banks and the rest of the year he’d be in chicago trying to discover what he was good at to no real avail. classrooms always felt a little too limiting and he was honestly more interested in joking around than taking academics seriously. 

( tw: miscarriage ) then when he was sixteen his mum became ill. except he didn’t quite understand why she’d grown distant and sad? or why bill and she were suddenly arguing so much? so he just did what came naturally to him! JOKES a plenty! until one hit badly at the dinner table causing bill to snap at him and his mother to tell him that she’d suffered from an early stage miscarriage. 

and so after that he just got worse as he blamed himself for the continued arguing! he spent more time out of the house, partying, skateboarding around the city n just generally fucking around.

until it neared applying for college and suddenly everyone was more serious about it and honestly he was just like wtf?! about it but uh! he told everyone it was all Gucci - he’d just apply to art school in paris. pay homage to his roots y’know. except he never ended up applying as he got too scared to be so far from home without a familiar face around and instead settled on going to the university of illinois urbana-champaign to study art and design bc not going to college was also just.... not an option? 

and he was due to graduate this year! except uh, surprise surprise! he dropped out!!  because the prospect of getting a real job? growing up? terrifying. but he’s told absolutely no one that he’s done this. like... to the extent he’s probably done some photoshop sorcery to keep up appearances. 

PERSONALITY

okay but that grilled cheese aspiration on the sims is him in a nutshell and i’m not even sorry about it. 

very indecisive. the person to pick up a hobby on a whim one week and then when you ask them about it, will be like ‘aw no, dude, gave that up.’ he spent a long time deciding what he wanted to do at college and wondering if he would grow tired of it. 

takes everything Too Seriously and Not Seriously enough simultaneously. he has a big bucket of emotions that he doesn’t really know what to do with, so the best thing to do is just laugh ‘em all off! lots of humour to mask the fact that he’s v. terrified about the future. 

trusting and Soft. especially when it comes to the gang because he has so much faith in them all. probably greets them all each year with a bear hug and snaps impromptu photos of them all when they’re off having fun or asks them to take part in photoshoots just because. 

with the gang, he’s a bit of an impartial entity. he’s Switzerland. he was raised by his mother to be quite diplomatic and to treat everyone’s views with kindness n respect even when he doesn’t agree, and it’s very much something that’s carried through with him! so he’s the first to diffuse some tension with a joke or by doing something dumb. doesn’t mind if people laugh at his expense, ya know. just wants them all to be happy. 

enthusiastic with a million-watt smile at each and is very willing to support every idea that comes to anyone’s head! even when he doesn’t necessarily agree, he also doesn’t shoot an idea down straight away. 

little bit of a peter pan energy to him, ngl. visiting the outer banks is a bit like his neverland as it means that for the summer he can put aside a lot of his ‘at home’ concerns. 

OTHER TID BITS 

note: i paraphrased some of these from his bio bc :’) 

john! hughes’!! biggest fanboy! henri likes to capture moments of youthful energy in his photography and hughes is defINITELY his artistic inspiration. he makes ferris bueller jokes, he references breakfast club too much. and i’m sorry but he’s definitely the person to ask ‘HoW haVE yoU neVER seen IT’ and then try to force you to watch them with him lmao

his Style is very much Baseball Cap toting, flannel-wearing, Tourist-looking chic with a camera strapped around his neck. it’s low effort at its finest ( but he does spend hours picking out the specific caps to pack for his obx trips so is it...... is it really )

former theatre nerd. yes he can sing. but he won’t bc he’s too shy (!!!!) 

could talk about anything for hours but particularly cryptids. pls talk cryptids with him 

massive chicago cubs fan and hasn’t missed a single televised game in five years and it’s become something like a bit of a bragging right to him at this point tbh.

skateboards everywhere and this should be a relief to everyone bc he’s a terrible driver

is fluent in french as his mother really wanted to have Something of his potential dad’s. if he’s particularly angry sometimes he’ll swear in french as he thinks it sounds less aggressive 

took sea monsters too seriously as a child and is terrified of the ocean as a result. he would rather linger on the beach and take photos of everyone. 

his jokes are terrible n i apologise in advance. bc you all will have to suffer through them w/ me. he tries. he really does. they’re still bad lmaooo 

[henpeckedho]

Evie’s Choose Your Own Adventure

“I’m in,” you blurt out. “What are the terms, where do I start, how do I start?”

Melba looks surprised but recovers quickly. “You certainly jumped right in with both feet, but it’s nice to see enthusiasm in the youth these days.” She smiled and waves a hand. One of her rings glows slightly and a yellowed piece of paper appears on the table. It is very nearly blank--only one word was scratched into it.

Contract

“A little on the nose,” you comment and the she cackles.

“Yes but I like to get to the point. I’m magical, not creative. But there are too many listening ears here. Let’s go someplace more...private,” and before you can protest she claps three times and waves her hands in a complicated motion. The bar vanishes around you, though the bar stools and table come with you to the ...new location?

You look around. You are most certainly not on Earth anymore. You sit on the barstool but there is some kind of grass beneath your feet that is an unnatural teal color. You look up and the sky is a warm peach. The air feels thick and warm, but not sticky. There are tree-like things in the distance but with a start you realize there are no leaves, just too many branches.

“I will return you to your home just as soon as we have a little chat.” She waves at the paper. “And decide on some terms. Your parents should have taught you to have a contract before agreeing. But since you have already given your agreement...my terms are: you must not sell the thing you are seeking once you find it. You must continue to seek for my lost object until it is found. You must have a reward once the object is found and returned to me. You must return the lost item to me.” As Melba spoke, her rules began to appear on the paper between you. When she finished, there was still more than half a blank page left.

“How am I supposed to find this...thing...if you cannot tell me what it is?” you ask.

“Ah. I may give you aid but if I tell you what it is...well...there are creatures more powerful than me. They cannot know I have lost this. And it has been lost for a long time. I miss it. I need it back.”

“What did you mean by ‘be creative’?”

“My dear, you may ask for nearly anything in return. If you’re successful, that is.”

“....if I’m not successful, am I dead?” You ask, joking. But the smile dies on your lips when she retorts, “If you’re lucky you’re only dead.”

“Well. Let’s get started,” you say. “We can figure out some of the other details as I go, right? I’ll just...keep this paper.” Melba smiles.

“Yes, dear, you may keep the paper. And of course. The sooner you start, the sooner you can go back to your regular life. Here is my first aid.” She reaches into a pocket and rummages around for a moment. She hands you a small, heavy brass disk strung on a pendant. It is totally smooth and perfectly round. “Wear this pendant and you will be able to see a whole world you never knew existed. It will guide you to your first tasks in finding the lost thing.”

“Just...wear the pendant? That’s it?” You ask.

“My second piece of aid,” Melba continues as if you hadn’t interjected. “Is if you are asked for your name, do not give it. Ever. I will call you Seeker, since you are searching.” Before you can open your mouth to ask more questions she claps four times and does another complicated hand motion.

You return to the bar, and the table makes a thumping sound as it sets down. The air feels thin and cold after the soup of the other place. The brass pendant is just as heavy. Melba watches you, smile never leaving her face. You hesitate, then put the pendant on. You tuck it under your shirt and Melba nods with approval.

“How do I contact you for more help?” You ask.

“Hmm. Wise question. Breathe on the pendant and sketch this symbol into it. I will be in touch with you.” She grabs the coaster from under her drink and draws a fairly simple spiral with a rune in the middle. She hands it to you. “Memorize it and burn the coaster. Alright. Off you go!” she waves her long fingers at you and downs the rest of her drink in one gulp.

There doesn’t seem to be anything else for you to do so you get up and walk out of the bar, head spinning. You take only a few steps when you hear a scuffle behind you and an “Oy, you!”

You turn and see a gaggle of tall, delicate looking people. They are all model-beautiful but slightly unreal. They look like photoshopped pictures but standing in front of you. “Me?” you decide to go for the innocent act.

“Yeah, you,” A tall blonde woman with cheekbones that could cut glass sneered. “We didn’t see you go in and we see you come out. Who are you? What’s your name?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and ...was that a pointed ear?

Do you:

1) Tell her to buzz off and make a run for it.

2) Tell her you’re Inigo Montoya and ask her what her name is.

3) Tell her you’re called Seeker. Nothing more, nothing less.

--------------

Vote in the comments to choose the next scene in this choose-your-own-adventure story! If I don’t get any votes I’ll use a RNG to pick the next option. If you want to either follow or blacklist this, the tag will be “Evie’s Choose your own adventure”.

Part 1-Part 2

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 2)

BRIGHT: The next bit of narration continues to establish John’s character: he has no idea what to call the red arm on the mailbox, and doesn’t care. We also learn that much like many teenagers, he doesn’t want to spend hours with his Dad. The author uses this opportunity to drop in a reference to the title.

The next page has a loading screen! I think this is the first interactive page in the comic. (For a certain value of interactive - you can mouseover the vertical lines of the games in the CD rack, and the cover of the game will pop up. Some of these link you to other works by Hussie.)

CHEL: Unfortunately, we then go into sylladex shenanigans AGAIN. Mercifully, this time it’s brief. We’ll let this one go, but I’ve got one eye on you, Huss.

TG messages John again, making reference to “TT”, who is confirmed female and alleged to be “mackin on” TG, and to his “bro” who “basically knows everything and is awesome”. How sincere he is in either of those remains to be seen. Finally, John actually gets told how to use his sylladex. Maybe the shenanigans will stop now… Anyway, he selects hammers for his strife specibus, or his weapon of choice, and the sylladex is confirmed able to hold things which would be too big to carry normally, such as Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery, a book roughly as big as John is. At least the stupid sylladex actually has some practical use - I’m sure John’s as happy as I am to know that!

Next we see the review which put TG off; GameBro magazine explains “Why the ‘Game of the Year’ or whatever isn’t as good as some other stuff I like that’s better”. As it turns out once you get past the Totally Radical verbiage, the reviewer didn’t even play it. Something suspect’s definitely going on if it’s so hyped up on so little information… erm, is it just me or is the term “Brotel Rwanda” rather tacky? I don’t know if that’s worth a point, the point of the joke could be that the game reviewer is an idiot…

FAILURE ARTIST: I’d have that squarely as a point.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 1

CHEL: Okay, then, here’s our fourth count. Title is a reference to a line later in the comic, and I think the point of the count is pretty obvious. Mileage may vary, all works would get at least a couple points in this, and I don’t think it’s a big problem unless/until it starts to climb out of proportion. Not gonna use a WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM count because the reviewer, as seen in the pic, is supposed to be a white guy.

Regarding the rest of the review, I did consider whether this falls under the heading of HNTWAN’s “I, Youngster” (using slang or references from one’s own youth to write a contemporary younger person), but I’d say no, because it’s supposed to sound ridiculous. Same with John’s movies; his taste is supposed to be bad, I don’t think Hussie actually thinks kids in 2009 still all liked bad movies from before they were born. That, and Hussie’s word choices are frankly like nothing I’ve ever seen anywhere else in any time period.

We shall move on, as so is the comic. Forty-seven pages into the comic, the main character finally leaves his bedroom. Wow. Things are happening at breakneck speed here.

TIER: Truly the pace strides forward like a Colossus through Lilliput.

GET ON WITH IT!: 2

CHEL: Though the silly Groucho Marx disguise he puts on is cute.

BRIGHT: Of course, since it would be interesting to see what’s in the mailbox (or at least would move the plot along a bit), John spends the next few pages examining his home.

I’m torn about this. On the one hand, it does a bit more fleshing out of John and his home life, which is more interesting than endless sylladex shenanigans, and the narration is entertaining. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure that on my first read through I clicked through all of it, trying to get to something happening. It holds up better on the re-read to me.

Well, something does happen, John knocks over the urn containing his grandmother’s ashes and opens a box from his father which holds a full-sized harlequin doll. Again, how much this appeals depends on what you think of ‘loveable dork’ characters fumbling around.

Then we return briefly to John’s bedroom, where we meet the third character of this webcomic, tentacleTherapist, or the alluded-to TT. The conversation isn’t very long, but it does give a good sense of what TT is like.

CHEL: Specifically, prone to sarcasm and sesquipedalian loquaciousness. Also to inappropriate jokes. An invocation of the hentai trope "tentacle rape" (read her handle quickly) is a fairly uncomfortable username for a child to have.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 2

Anyway, it seems she knows John very well - she’s able to guess he’s wearing “one of your disguises” with no clue in his messages, so evidently he does this a lot. She’s probably the smartest character introduced so far, and she and John seem to have a good relationship.

Now, again, this was originally a reader-driven forum game, but when it was collated into a webcomic, it might have been better to have the conversation with TT moved to before John left the room, so we’re not going back and forth unnecessarily. One journey through the house is enough, I’d say. Another GET ON WITH IT point, or does this come under the heading of the second point still? I’ll be nice and not count it, since he was going back to fetch an item and not just randomly wandering.

We definitely get more points from the text in Colonel Sassacre’s joke book:

And what of that tawny gent who puts his lackadaisical lean near the sarsaparilla font? You’ll have that listless octoroon find the spring in his step just yet! CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 3 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 2

The point of these lines is that the text is outdated and racist, not that it should be emulated, but the “outdated” point was more than got across by the language used already. And it would seem fairly weird for a person who wasn’t white to read a line like that and not comment on it - okay, maybe John’s read it before and is used to it, but the narrator ought to point that out if it had ever bothered him.

FAILURE ARTIST: Colonel Sassacre is basically Mark Twain with a party hat photoshopped on to him. Mark Twain’s most famous work, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, has gotten into trouble in recent years because of the name of one of the characters: [N-word] Jim. The novel is progressive for its time but it hasn’t aged well. I’m guessing Colonel Sassacre’s unnecessary racism is a nod to that controversy.

CHEL: Get used to Photoshopped depictions of real people, too.

BRIGHT: John ventures out into the house again, ostensibly to retrieve the game but really to stick his fake arms to the harlequin doll and nose around his father’s study. Should the comment about the peanut allergy count towards ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY? In context with the can of peanuts I think there’s meant to be a joke here…

There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon. A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with.

CHEL: That line? Yeah, it's a reference to the snake nut can prank item - have you seen those on cartoons, where someone offers canned snacks and a spring-loaded toy snake pops out? A dark joke, sure, but my sense of humour tends to run that way and I loled. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS instead, possibly? I don’t know if people with life-threatening allergies would be offended by this - the joke isn’t that they’re weak or stupid or anything, the joke is the play on the reader’s expectations. I wouldn’t mind it if I had a peanut allergy, but as I said, my sense of humour is pretty dark.

FAILURE ARTIST: I feel like if a certain other parent we meet later did that people would take it as abusive.

CHEL: My assumption was that John’s dad didn’t actually mean to give him food that would kill him, that was just an unfortunate way of finding out he was allergic, but in this comic, who the fuck knows?... Come to think of it, maybe he did mean to. Peanut allergies run in families and it’s established much later on that one of the relatives involved (it gets complicated) also has a deadly peanut allergy, so it would seem logical that Dad would also have one and thus wouldn’t have them around to eat himself. Even if he did, that’s a bad move with an allergic person in the house. Maybe it is worth an ARE YOU TRYING point, then? Maybe this is just overanalysing, but then overanalysing is the whole point of this exercise, so there it goes!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 1

For clarification of the listed counts, this isn’t going under CALL CPA PLEASE because that one’s for when the kids do something disturbing themselves. We’ll show you what we mean when it comes up. We'll be nice and let Rose have an inappropriate username, that's not out of the ordinary for kids that age.

And speaking of said points, what about Dad giving John at least four birthday cakes? (He has two untouched ones in his room at the point he says he’s been eating cake all day, and Dad soon tries to give him yet another one.) That sounds cool from a thirteen-year-old’s point of view, but it kinda comes across as if Dad’s trying to feed him to death, and intentionally making kids horribly unhealthy can be a form of abuse. Or possibly to make up for something awful he knows about… Is the latter further evidence for the “guardians know about what’s coming” theory? Dad’s coddling John because he knows horrible things are going to happen? Hell, were the peanuts an attempted mercy kill, if we wanna get really tinfoil hat about it?

All that’s for later, though. Meantime, we get our first page with sound, as John plays “Showtime”, a nifty little piano tune.

"Homestuck // Showtime (Piano Refrain) // Piano" (Watch on YouTube)

The other kids get their own individual little musical parts too, later on, which merge to form one full piece.

FAILURE ARTIST: Music is a big draw in Homestuck. Not just these four main characters but pretty much every character has their own leitmotif.