#the actual script is like fine but i think margot could do some really good acting in it

[harleybarbarahandler]

film update sites need to research like margot stans do because they’re saying shit like “the script details are tightly under wraps” but i found the script for a big bold beautiful journey online in literally less than two minutes

[darling-i-read-it]

And the Woman Clothed With the Sun...

3x09

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham 

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 3.1k 

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, dead bodies, nightmares, talk of children and having them 

Author’s Note: I really really liked this episode. I love playing with dynamics SO MUCH. I hope you guys like this? 

I used some direct quotes from the script so some things may seem familiar 

Official Episode Summary: As the search for Francis Dolarhyde (Richard Armitage) continues, Will starts imagining himself in Dolarhyde's tormented psyche -- and asks Hannibal for help with the serial killer's profile; a new woman (Rutina Wesley) enters Dolarhyde's life.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

Tag List (is always open!) : @llperfectsymmetryll​ @ericacactus​ @vlightning95​ @sweetgoodangel​

(not my gif)

“That’s the same atrocious aftershave you wore in court,” Hannibal said. He turned around slowly, acting as though he were not surprised to see you and Will together. The thin line of glass between the two of you Hannibal seemed so thick.

The truth was, you had never truly gotten over Hannibal. You had pretended to, for the sake of Will, but you had never really stopped thinking about what he could be doing. There was a link that the three of you had with each other that was unexplainable. You had started a new life. But your old one still called your name. 

“Hello, Dr. Lecter,” Will said simply. He was contained. You fed off of his energy to keep yourself in check as well. 

“Hello, Will. Y/N.” He stepped closer to the two of you. “I believe congratulations are in order. I apologize I couldn’t make it to the wedding. Alana gave me some pictures, to taunt me presumably.” You smiled. You thought about Hannibal holding the pictures of you and Will laughing, beaming at each other. “Did you get my note?” You nodded. 

“We got it. Thank you,” you said simply. You and Will stood close together. He had his coat draped over his arm and you held the papers from the cases. 

“Did you read it before you destroyed it? Or did you simply toss it into the nearest fire?” Hannibal asked. You scoffed a bit.

“We read it. Then he burned it,” you promised. He nodded. 

“And you came anyway.” Hannibal eyed you. “I’m surprised you let that happen.” 

“We all falter in some ways,” you said simply. 

“I want you to help me, Dr. Lecter,” Will said to break the conversation. He still didn't trust Hannibal with you. Reminiscent of the days you used to work with Hannibal.

“Yes I thought so. Are we no longer on a first-name basis?” Hannibal asked. 

“I’m more comfortable the less personal we are,” Will said. Hannibal looked over at you, eyeing your entire body. He made note of the scent. The scent off of both of you. 

“Your hands are rough Will. I smell dogs and pine and oil beneath that shaving lotion.” He looked at you. “Did you steal that perfume from my home?” he questioned. You stiffened. You had gotten some perfume from his home as they cleaned it out. You ended up liking and buying another bottle over the years.

“I’m here about Chicago and Buffalo. You’ve read about it, I’m sure,” Will said. 

“I’ve read the papers. I can’t clip them. They won’t let me have scissors, of course. You want to know how he’s choosing them,” Hannibal commented. You held up the case file. 

“Thought you might have some ideas.” 

“You just came here to look at me. Came to get the old scent again. Why don't you just smell yourself Will? Or your wife?” Will let out a sigh. 

“I expected more of you, doctor. That routine is old hat.” Hannibal nodded stiffly.

“Whereas you are new people,” Hannibal said. “Let me have the file. An hour, and we can discuss it like old times.” You nodded happily at that, pleased he would help. You shoved the file through the document tray and into the cell. Hannibal came close to collect it. 

“Thank you,” Will muttered.

“Family values may have declined over the last century, but we still help our families when we can.” He took the papers. “You’re both family.” 

Will grabbed you around the waist, eager to leave. Your eyes lingered on Hannibal’s for a moment longer before you and Will left the room, swallowing his true words. 

-

You looked around Alana’s office. You hadn’t seen it since she had moved in. It looked better than when Chilton had run it. Perhaps that was just because you liked Alana more. The problems you once had with each other had mostly scabbed over. She was maid of honor at your wedding. Interesting, considering the fact you had once fought feverishly over Hannibal.

“It’s good to see you looking well. But I can’t help wishing you weren’t here,” Alana said. She sat on her couch. Her suit was pristine, her hair perfect. You admired her. 

“You aren’t the only one,” you commented. 

“I was surprised Jack came back in one piece,” she said. You nodded, running a hand over your pants before sitting down on the couch beside her. Will stood up, looking out the window. 

“You weren’t the only one,” Will said, turning to both of you. 

“How did it feel to see him again?” she questioned. You looked at the ground. Will sat down beside you, in between you and Alana. 

“Like Hannibal was looking through to the back of my skull. Felt like a fly flitting around in there. I had the absurd feeling that he walked out with me. Had to stop outside the doors and look around, make sure it was just Y/N,” Will commented. 

“I know that feeling. At least Jack Crawford’s pleased.” You pursed your lips but stayed quiet. 

“He showed me pictures of the families. I looked at Y/N and couldn’t say no,” he argued.

“Damn my presence,” you joked softly. Will slung his arm around the couch behind you, his fingered brushing your shoulder. 

“And Jack was counting on it.” 

“Are you still with Margot?” you asked, eager to change the subject. She took a deep breath and nodded, thinking fondly of her wife. 

“Yes. We have a baby. A Verger baby. A son,” she said. You smiled. You and Will had talked about kids. You wanted one. You were working for one when Jack spiked both yours and Will’s stress levels. 

“Good for Margot,” Will said.

“Good for me. I carried him. He’s my son. He’s the Verger heir.” You smiled. 

“Then what are you doing here? You’re set for life,” you pointed out. 

“There are only five doors between Hannibal and the outside. And I have the keys to every one of them,” she said. A daily ‘gotcha’ to Hannibal. Will admired that. “Hannibal has never been great with boundaries. ‘He who sups with the Devil needs a long spoon’.” 

“I am not letting him in, Alana. Don’t worry about me,” Will said. She looked at you sympathetically. 

“Last time, it didn't’ end with you Will.” 

-

“I want you to stay here,” Will said, standing outside Hannibal’s cell door. He hadn’t stepped inside yet. Hannibal could not see him. You scoffed.

“We’ve been over this. I follow you, even if you say no.”

“This time, I mean it. I think I’ll get more out of him if he isn't’ distracted with you.” You raised an eyebrow.

“You sure you aren’t jealous?” He gave you a look. “Fine, fine. Please be quick.” 

Will stepped into the room, leaving you outside to wait. Hannibal looked up at him from his desk.

“This is a very shy boy, Will. I’d love to meet him,” Hannibal said. He looked around. “Just us?” 

Will nodded.

“Just us.” 

“Have you considered the possibility that he’s disfigured? Or that he may believe he’s disfigured?” Hannibal asked. 

“That’s interesting.”

“That’s not interesting. You thought of that before.” Will nodded. 

“He smashed all the mirrors in the houses, not just enough to get the pieces he wanted. The shards are set so he can see himself. In their eyes. Mrs. Jacobi and Mrs. Leeds. And their families,” Will said. Hannibal pulled out the picture of a dead Mrs. Jacobi. 

“Could you see yourself in their eyes, Will? Killing them all?” 

Will instantly regretted leaving you outside. 

The two boys imagined themselves in the crime scenes, looking across the dead bodies of the families. 

“The first small bond to the killer itches and stings like a leech,” Hanibal said. “Like you, Will, he needs a family to escape what’s inside him.” Wills head shot up but he did not look at Hannibal. “You know a fair amount about how these families died. How they lived is how he chooses them.”

“How is he choosing them?” Will asked.

“I was surprised to hear you actually married Y/N. Not because I thought you weren’t a match made in heaven but it made more sense for you to start a family from scratch. No one that had even an inkling of me in their eyes. Find a mom with a stepson or daughter, not having to breed. You know better than to pass the terrible traits that you fear the most,” Hannibal said. Will did not look at him. Hannibal continued. “But Y/N wants children with you. How will you stand to look at a child you may have ruined before they were even born?” 

Will desperately wished he hadn’t left you outside. 

“Why are there no descriptions of the grounds? I see floor plans, diagrams of the rooms where the deaths occured, no mention of the grounds. What were the yards like?” Hannibal continued, satisfied with how he had shaken Will’s personal life. 

“Big, fenced, with trees. Why?” 

“If this pilgrim feels a special relationship with the moon, he might like to go outside and look at it before he tidies himself up. If one were nude, say, it would be better to have outdoor privacy for that sort of thing. One must show some consideration for the neighbors, hmmm? Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight, Will?” 

Will suddenly saw himself in place of the killer, naked, drenched in pitch black blood. 

Will snapped back and nodded quickly.

“Thank you Dr. Lecter,” he said before stumbling out of the door. You sat on the outside in one of the waiting chairs. Will looked over at you and seemed to relax but not completely. 

“Will?” 

He grabbed you and you stood up quickly, hugging him tightly. He buried his head in your neck and you let him, rubbing your back.

“This is why you don’t go without me places,” you muttered. He scoffed but his breathing was already evening again. “What did he say?” He moved back and shook his head softly.

“We’ll talk about it later. I want to see the backyards.” You raised an eyebrow.

“Alright, I suppose.” 

He walked out of the asylum, holding your hand tightly. Freddie snapped a couple pictures from the bushes.

-

“Have you come to wag your finger?” Hannibal asked as Alana entered the room behind him. 

“I love a good finger-wagging.”

“Yes, you do. How is Margot?” Alana ignored the remake as she gleaned down at the picture of her as Botticelli’s Fortitude.

“Your cogs are turning, Hannibal. I can hear them clicking.”

“Click, click, click, boom,” he whispered. 

“I don’t know what you’re planning with the Grahams. But you’re planning something. Why wouldn’t you be? You’ve already cracked the lid, can’t resist peeling it back.” 

Hannibal pursed at the name. Alana noticed this. 

“You can’t comment on her last name anymore you know. They’re married. She is, in the eyes of the law, a Graham now.” Hannibal stiffened.

“They came to me,” Hannibal said, ignoring her words.

“Yes, they did.” 

“I advised them against it.”

“I’m sure.” 

“Are you suggesting I don’t have Y/N and Will’s best interests in mind?” he asked. Alana scoffed.

“I’m stating it as a fact.”

-

You stepped into the room with Hannibal’s cage. He looked up, quite surprised to see you. You held your purse in both hands, stepping closer to the cage. 

“Hello love,” he said quietly. You let his words fall off of you like rain. They stayed for a moment, dripping down your arm before hitting the ground. “I don’t imagine you’re here to talk about the murder cases.” You shook your head softly. He walked up to the glass quietly. You stepped close to it, so you were really only a couple of inches apart. 

“I came to yell at you,” you said. He raised an eyebrow.

“Whatever for?” You smiled gently and shrugged.

“Lots of things. Firstly, you didn’t kill Jack when you got the chance. I’ll never forgive you for not feeding him to me in soup.” His eyes went wide.

“Careful Y/N. Alana watches these tapes.” 

“She would probably agree with me.” You took a deep breath. “Secondly, not coming to my wedding. I know you were otherwise indisposed but I thought it was rather rude.” 

“I thought it was rude of you to get married.” You shook your head playfully. The same banter. Joking with a cannibal serial killer. Just another Tuesday.

“Third, I told you to leave.” The air seemed to calm. 

“Does Will know you’re here?” 

“No. I didn’t tell him.” 

“Did he tell you he’s scared of his own children?” You raised a finger, shaking it gently. 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Will is no longer my boyfriend I dated a couple of months. He’s my husband. You can’t wedge yourself between us no matter how hard you try.” You wanted to put your hand against the glass but you didn’t. “But I miss you.”

“Where do you work nowadays?” You shrugged.

“I had to get another secretary job but I’ve mostly worked up enough to take this amount of leave. My last employer wasn’t exactly the best reference.” He laughed. 

“I suppose you’re right.” He paused. “Eating well?” 

“Better. No people in the diet these days.” 

“Pity.” 

-

“Will!” You broke Will out of his thoughts. You were standing in the back of the Jacobi house. Will had just found a small sign on one of the trees. He was about to get into it but you had broken him out of his mind. “It’s Freddie.” 

Will walked out from the trees and shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“Now are you just keeping America clean or is that evidence?” Freddie asked. 

“You’re trespassing, Freddie,” Will said sternly.

“I was trespassing before the blood dried.  When did they call you? Interesting to see The Bloody Valentines back at action. Beautiful ceremony by the way.”

“We aren’t talking to you,” Will said, grabbing your arm. You followed him.

“We’re co conspirators, Will. I did for you and your cause.”

“You didn’t die enough. You came into my hospital room while I was asleep. You flipped back the sheets and shot a picture of my temporary colostomy bag,” Will said, turning to her. 

  “Covered your junk with a black box. A big black box. You’re welcome,” she said.

“Justly so,” you argued carefully. 

“You culled us the ‘murder threesome’. Little crude, don't you think?” 

“You did run off to Europe together. Doesn’t help that the two of you ended up getting married. How does the Tooth Fairy compare to Hannibal Lecter? Haven’t seen anything like this since the Massacre at Muskrat Farm. Funny thing about that massacre. Not only did Dr. Bloom survived, she got rich. Lecter’s living in the lap under her care. What kind of arrangement you suppose they have?” Freddie asked. 

“A complicated one,” you said sternly. 

“Couldn’t be more complicated than your relationship with Hannibal. Both of you. You paid him a visit? Before you lie, know that I know that you did,” she said quickly.

“Good-bye Freddie.”

-

“I read your note before my office forwarded it to the Grahams,” Jack said, standing in front of Will. Hannibal swallowed, understanding. 

“To whet their appetite or yours? You’ve placed him back in the pot and you’re letting him cook.”

“We’re all in this stew together.” 

“Arguable considering how close Y/N is to drowning you.” 

-

You stepped into the hotel room where Will was already sitting on the bed. You ran a hand through your hair and let the chilly cold wash over you as you entered the warm room. 

“How are the dogs?” he asked.

“Good. The dog sitters said they were missing us but other than that, they’re okay,” you promised. You looked down at the dog that was laying on the ground beside the bed. “She’ll be right at home with them.” 

You sat on the bed and Will sat up, putting his arms around you from behind. You smiled about him, happy to see he was feeling better.

“I’m worried about the kids,” he whispered.

“The kids who don’t exist?” He laughed gently.

“Yeah. I don’t want them to end up like me.” You nodded slowly.

“So that’s what Hannibal said that got you worked up.” You took in the information. “If the kid isn’t like you I don’t think I’d be able to love them as much as I love you.” 

It was his turn to take in the information. 

“You’re just saying that.”

“Nope. I’m serious. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I’ve had the pleasure of loving you Mr. Graham.” He kissed your neck gently and smiled to himself. 

“I love you too Mrs. Graham.”

You let out a small sigh of relief. 

 -

Will screamed as he sat up quickly, sweating aggressively, blankets flying. You got up just as quickly, turning to him but he had already gotten up, rushing into the bathroom. You followed him, sleep that had just taken you over long gone. 

You practically ran up to him. He was looking at himself in the mirror, fear in his eyes at his reflection. You grabbed him quickly and he turned to you, wrapping his arms around you. You didn’t speak. You didn’t ask questions. You just held him as close as you could get him.

Nightmares had come back. Neither of you had had those in a while. You rubbed his back and let him breath. 

3x10

[hiimsociallyawkward]

Dear Lara Jean,

HI. so i watched TATBILB: A&F a few weeks ago, and I have some words. Before I begin, i'd like to preface that i'm literally 17 and have no film experience, and that I've read this book once maybe 4 years ago but here it is.

ps. if you haven't gotten it already: there will be spoilers. Heavy spoilers.

first of all, i'm sorry but i really didn't like the little edit things. Maybe I've reached that point in my life where I don't f with that anymore. Like when theres a drawn house and it slowly fades so it's real life?? no thanks

the music choice... I honestly didn't have that big of a problem with it, but my korean friend kept going "wtf is this music choice" so i'm quoting her on that.

the filming and editing. well maybe it's just me but I didn't really like it. yk when you're watching a youtuber and they do those zoom in things and it's sort of fast and funny? I think there were a few times the movie did that and i didn't like it.

literally, lara jean looking directly into the camera?? it feels like it's breaking the 4th wall and maybe they're doing it to be edgy but no thanks i didn't like that either.

WHY???? Her breaking the 4th wall added NOTHING to the movie. It just took me out of the experience. I especially didn’t like it when they did it in PS I still love you when they temporarily broke up.

THEY SET THE MOVIE IN OREGON. WHAT WAS THE REASON. THE BOOK WAS SET IN VA, AND I LIVE IN VA SO I FELT A CONNECTION TO THE BOOK. AND THEN THEY GO AND SET IT IN OREGON. WHAT. WAS. THE. REASON

OREGON DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH THE COLLEGES. THEY’RE STILL PRETTY FAR AWAY FROM STANFORD. IN THE BOOK, UVA WAS CLOSE BY SO LJ WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOO FAR AWAY FROM HOME. NO OFFENSE TO THE STATE BUT WHY OREGON. THEY COULD OF PUT THEM IN CALI AT LEAST

ONE OF THE REASONS WHY LJ WANTED TO GO TO UVA IS BECAUSE HER FAMILY WOULD BE CLOSE BY. BY PUTTING THEM IN OREGON, YOU TAKE AWAY THAT REASON. i just want to 👊 whoever’s idea this was

FURTHERMORE: THEY CHANGED UVA AND UNC TO STANFORD AND NYU. I AM INFURIATED. THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THEY WANTED TO GO TO UVA BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE 10 MINS FROM WHERE THEY LIVED AND IT'S A STATE SCHOOL. LARA JEAN FELT LIKE THE WAS GAURANTEED TO GO TO UVA AND WHEN SHE DOESNT, IT ACTUALLY HURTS THE READERS.

in the book, LJ was waitlisted from UNC, rejected from UVA, and accepted to W&M. I’m sure you can find like 40 people at our school who can relate to this situation. I doubt 40 people in our school can relate to being rejected from Stanford BUT accepted to NYU. dear writers, please give teens across the nation (your target audience) realistic expectations for college admissions.

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT PETER AND LARA JEAN WERE ACTUALLY QUALFIED ENOUGH FOR STANFORD. LEMME JUST SAY, I'VE APPLIED FOR COLLEGES THIS YEAR AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD GRASP ON WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO CERTAIN COLLEGES. YOU'RE TELLING ME THE TWO OF THEM. REALLY. GOT. INTO. THOSE. SCHOOLS. pls.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE KISSING BOOTH. ELLE AND NOAH ARE POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST CHARACTERS I HAVE EVER WATCHED. I DON’T SEE THEM DO A PAGE OF HOMEWORK AND I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY ATTEND CLASS. LIKE MAKING A KISSING BOOTH FOR ONE FUNDRAISER FOR A CLUB THAT CONSISTS OF 2 PEOPLE DOES NOT COUNT AS ENOUGH TO GET INTO HARVARD. but that’s a different movie...

this is literally the idea that television and movies have in making it super easy to get into ivy leauges. as if some in state college isn't up to society's standards of where or where not it's ok to go to college. it's when gabriella montez goes to stanford, troy goes to berkely, ryan evan goes to julliard, teddy duncan goes to yale, cody martin is accepted to princeton, HANNAH MONTANA does to stanford.

and lara jean wants to study english lit. she never says “i want to go to stanford because of their great english lit program”. it’s only “i want to go to stanford because my boyfriend is going and i have no other life outside of him

fine. make your characters seem awesome by making them go to awesome colleges. but still. this is upseting.

you know how awesome it is to hear UVA, the college I've always wanted to go to, in a published book? and for them to just rip it away- espeically when UVA is so attainable?? Yea yea movie directors, i get it, UVA isn't good enough for you. whatever.

They had AT LEAST 5 MONTAGES. 5. FIVE. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY MONTAGES. To quote my friend "the movie is all montage and 30 mins of plot" AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO DISAGREE WITH HER.

AND THE DANCES. I REALLY DIDN’T NEED TO SEE NOAH CENTINEO DO WHATEVER HE CALLS “DANCING” IN 2 MONTAGES. I know everyone fell in love with noah in the first movie, but i’m pretty sure everyone fell out of love with him in this one.

again, i know nothing about movies, but 5 montages?? it seems like you're just filling space and trying to make everything seem ✨awesome✨ and ✨amazing✨. SURE. everything might be awesome and amazing, but this movie was 1 HR AND 55 MINS. and you decided to add 1 HR of montages? WHy. AND. one of them was in slowmo. i can't

THEY HAD VOICE OVERS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE MOVIE. sure. 1 at the begin and 1 at the end, I think that's cute. BUT THE WHOLE MOVIE?? WHY. like bruh- have a focus.

literally did anyone read the freaking book? Remember how- in the book right? Margot was actually really not ok with Trina bc she's sort of replacing their mom? and Margot is rlly not ok with it but gets over it?? see how that was summarized in like 5 seconds in the movie? Oh i'm sorry you used all your time for the movie making STUPID MONTAGES but can we get some actually emotionally beats next time?? thanks.

ok this is a big problem i have with the movie. in the 3rd book, peter tries to have a relationship with his dad who ran away from him years ago. He struggles with that relationship the whole book. This is good stuff. people can relate to this. the scene in the diner where peter “confronts” his dad was CRINGEY. It could be noah’s acting but i couldn’t take him seriously. AND HE FORGIVES HIS DAD AFTER 30 SECONDS. the movie tries to include these smaller storylines but can’t because of the time limit. i’m no screenwriter, but i’m sure there could have been a way to subtly move that plot line during the entire movie rather than that one conversation in the diner

and in the book, peter has to train for lacrosse so he has to eat healthy which stresses him out. i specifically remember him getting mad at someone (maybe it was john ambrose, i don’t remember fully) for EATING HIS CARROTS. this just shows that peter has a life too. he has to worry about lacrosse along with losing lj. but no, the movie makes him look like the perfect boyfriend who has no other worries in life except for the girl in front of him

remember how- in the book (right?? bc they had a book to go off of???) Stormy was a part of the 3rd book? like a BIG part?? They LITEALLY just used her as John Ambrose's grandmother (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IN THE MOVIES). literally, stormy and john ambrose were throw away characters in the second movie and i am infurriated. BUT ALSO I LOVE JOHN AMBROSE HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM??

and remember, how in the book, how the dog's name is "Jamie Fox-Pickle" and they changed it to HENRY??? where is the flavor. what was the reason. SERIOUSLY.

BUT ALSO. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG BUT THERE WAS A POINT IN THE PLOT WHERE PETER'S MOM TOLD LARA JEAN TO BREAK UP WITH PETER. DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEBER THAT?? AND THEY CUT IT ALL OUT OF THE SCRIPT?? LIKE WHY. WHAT WAS THE REASON.

ok those are my biggest book grievances I think. but lemme just say, they NEVER went to NEW YORK. They literally wrote that in for the purposes of NYU. in the book, Chris and Lara Jean DRIVE to UNC because that's ATTAINABLE. BC THEY'RE STATE UNIVERSITIES. ANYWAYS

LJ’s and Chris’s spontaneous trip to unc showed their friendship in a good way. I never really liked chris as a friend to lj but during the trip, they are besties and it shows. the movie tries to do that in ny but peter is also in ny for some reason. she should have fell in love with ny WITHOUT peter at her side nagging her to sneak out and go on a date. she should have spent more time with chris rather than thinking about peter while she was watching the band.

the scene where Lara Jean is in New York and at the party and she sees the band? To all the boys I've loved before: Always and forever?? more like To all the boys I've loved before: gay awakening time.

when they moved the pink couch to the subway? WHy? They wanted snazzy pics.

when Lara Jean and Peter were making up and it was a really cute sequence AND THEN THEY MADE HER LOSE HER V CARD. FINE. I GET HOW THAT'S REALISTIC BUT IT WAS A CUTE SCENE. MY FRIEND ALMOST STARTED CRYING AND THEN LJ LOST HER V CARD AND WE COULDN'T STOP SCREAMING.

this is different from what was in the book (for the 100th time). In the book, they don’t do it and it shows that you can be in a high school relationship without being physical. I strongly appreciate that message. This darn movie had to have her lose her v card. WHY. IT ADDED NOTHING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE YEARBOOK SIGNING WAS SYMBOLIC ENOUGH

the montage where it's a montage of all of lara jean's and peter's cute moments?? ok fine. that was cute. but they literally just took scenes from past movies. imagine the impact if we like hidden moments from their relationships. maybe they're laughing in the car together. maybe they're watching they sunset. maybe peter is looking at her lovingly while she sleeps. WHAT IF. it WASN'T a montage of all the "bigger" moments of their relationship, and we got to see them just exist.

UGH. THE VOICE OVER AT THE END OF THE MOVIE IS SO CRINGEY I CAN'T

"WE AREN'T LIKE OTHER COUPLES. NOT US, LARA JEAN AND PETER KAVINSKY. BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN US. WRITING LOVE LETTERS" please. b freaking s

Some redeemable qualities

while i didn't like most of the songs, "like me better" by lauv will always be loved. especially since it's a call back from the first movie?? I can ftw

WHY WASN’T “LIKE ME BETTER” THEIR SONG???? I really thought it was a good song to be their song and they referenced it in the beginning. No offense to the “beginning middle and end” people, but i felt no attachment to that song.

they customized her phone. it looked like it was a 7 (idk rlly, i don't know crap abt iphones) but they customized it. Granted, I KNOW lara jean would be the one with the aesthetic background with color coded folder, but still- they did give her relevant apps. some to note include; tiktok, spotify, instagram, netflix, notes, messages, facetime, maps, whatsapp and the STANFORD APP?? whatever- i'm chill.

they did make lara jean make choices so that was good.

the prom ask?? That was cute. with the pancakes??

at the end when Peter played the song even though earlier he didn't like it?? I liked that. i liked that a lot. ok fine i more than liked that a lot. There are multiple texts where my friends are screaming at each other. In fact, 26 separate messages.

chris in general. granted, she was more present in the books, but i'll take what i can get.

some notable quotes by her, the queen

"I'm dead inside"

not wanting to do a gigantic walk down from the stairs and asking the boys not to turn around

peter said he liked lara jean's forehead kisses and that reminded me of emma chamberlain so that's a positive only bc of emma

I remembered that they were the class of 2021, and I'M class of 2021 and it just hit for a second.

my friend cried over their graduation but i felt nothing bc we're literally living in a pandemic and chances of me getting a real graduation?? we'll see

again, these are all just my opinion. my friend doesn't like the movie bc she says she's sad and bitter and seeing these cute couples makes her feel lonely but i'm just diappointed. the books were GOOD. they were gold.

there was so much they could’ve done with the movies, and i just feel like they didn’t deliver on anything. Jenny Han, i’m sorry. The movie overall, ik someone who cried about it and someone else who gave it 7/10. props for them but jeez i just wish for more.

ok but that’s the show folk. i mean, obviously everything i said was opinion and literally don’t listen to anything i’ve said. BUT. feel free to add what you hated or loved abt the movie too. thanks. i love you guys. “always and forever” :,)

p.s- omg not them ripping off taylor swift. jk jk. ok bye

[thesleepy1]

A Morning Finding You

A/N: I was just in the mood for some Johnlock and although I have an angsty multi chapter fic in mind I realized that that’s a lot of work. And with most of my readers interested in Jack Kline fics and Eskel fics I don’t think they’ll be a following for my angst. This is sort of to test the waters and see who is interested. Unbeta’d as always. Also my first 5+1 fic. And probably the longest fic I have written. I regret everything. 

 Pairings: John x Sherlock

 Summary: Sherlock is planning something and it's making John worry. Especially since everyone but him was in on it.

 Word count: 2916

 Warnings: Language, suggestive language, mention of kidnapping, mention of pass near life experiences,

Sherlock was up to something. John just knew it. He had been acting odd for the past week, more so than usual and it was making John worried. 

 The first was when John came down to find the kitchen clean. No beakers or knives out of place. No heads or body parts in the fridge or cabinets. The kettle was even on the stove with hot water ready for morning tea. John’s favorite mug was just placed next to the stove as if it was supposed to be there every morning. 

 John had to be honest, it freaked him out, but he was not one to say no to a cup of tea. Then as he stepped into the living room turned office he froze in place. It was clean. Like actually clean. Every article, book, loose paper, everything, was put into its rightful place. The chairs were in their place. His laptop sat closed at his desk. Hell, even the floor looked like it had been vacuumed recently. 

 “Sherlock!” 

 “Oh, deary. Sherlock’s gone out with Mycroft, I believe,” came Mrs. Hudson’s voice from the stairs. “Oh goodness,” she exclaimed at the sight of the flat. John could rule her out for the culprit that cleaned his flat. 

 “That’s what I thought.” John had that look of dishevelment and disbelief. For once in the years that he lived in the 221 B Baker Street, he looked out of place. His hair stuck out on one side. He was in his robes, soft but it's been days since he washed it. And then there was the moustache he had grown out to spite Sherlock. 

 “W-what happened?” Mrs. Hudson choked out, her hand going to her mouth. She took in the room like it was a crime scene. And in a way it was.

 “I have no idea,” John shook his head, running his fingers over the laptop. “It’s been dusted. My bloody laptop has been dusted!” he laughed hysterically, taking a sip of tea only for it to be scalding hot. “Argh!” 

 “Oh do be careful, dear,” Mrs. Hudson took the mug from his hand, afraid he would spill onto the clean surfaces. 

 “Yes, yes. Did you say that Sherlock was with Mycroft?”  

 “Well, not exactly, but there was a car waiting for him outside so I assumed.”

 -----

 The second time was when John arrived at Mycroft’s ridiculously large estate. The man lived alone with a couple of maids but his house was large enough to fit a hundred people. John had seen it done when Mycroft was forced to host a gathering.

 As he exited the cab that he called and paid for, he was greeted by a maid who looked familiar but he couldn’t quite place where he knew her from. And before he could ask she disappeared. “Odd,” John thought to himself as he entered the room the maid led him too.  

 She seemed to do it with glea which didn’t seem like a trait that Mycroft would look for in hiring maids. Then again, the older Holmes brother probably had someone else to do that for him. The rich bloke. 

 “Aw, Dr.Watson, to what do I owe the pleasure?” came Mycroft’s voice from behind his desk. His messy desk, John noticed. There were files and all sorts of papers askew. Books were open and there were at least three mugs of tea sitting on the desk. This picture of dishevelment was something out of Baker Street, not the British Government himself.

 “Uh, um. I thought Sherlock was here?” John asked, unable to tear his eyes from the uncharacteristic disarray. 

 “Why would that brother of mine be here?” Mycroft clasped his hands together like he was some devil that tricked John into selling his soul. 

 “If not here then where is Sherlock?” 

 “How should I know? It's not like I have a leash on him or anything,” came his smooth reply. He was hiding something as well, John knew it. Something that would explain the state of his desk, he bet. 

 “No, but you do have your eyes on him.”

 “Whatever do you mean?” Mycroft asked with a hint of something in his eyes that John couldn’t place.

 “I’m onto you and Sherlock,” John exclaimed, walking through the door. The maid from before was waiting with a tray in her hand, more tea for Mycroft. “Have I met you before?” John asked before the thought could leave his mind. 

 “I don’t know, have you, Dr.Watson?” She had that devilish look that Mycroft had. The same look in fact. Brunette and possessed.  

 John looked down at her hands that were grasping the tray. They were calloused in all the wrong places. Her hands looked more like Sherlock’s than a maid’s. Like she constantly played an instrument rather than carrying trays for a sad excuse of an informant. 

 “No...I don’t think so,” John admitted, leaving with a cold unsettling feeling. 

 -----

 The third time should have rang all the alarms in John’s head, but to be fair he hadn’t had breakfast that morning. Just the barely touched tea that was sitting at his immaculate desk. Immaculate desk, he didn’t think he'd ever say that outloud. 

 “Oh, John, good morning,” Molly greeted him in the morgue, her smile wavering. 

 “Good morning, Molly. Has Sherlock been by?” he got straight to the point. 

 “Um, I-I haven’t seen him in days,” she hesitated, fidgeting with something at her station.  

 “Days? We were in here the day before last,” John exclaimed, looking closely at Molly. She looked rather fine, her hair was in a ponytail, she was wearing lipstick, her desk was clean as a specialist registrar's would be, her blouse was ironed. There didn’t seem to be anything out of place, but for her voice. 

 “Um, well, what I meant was I haven’t seen him in a while. Recently...it was an exaggeration, really,” Molly explained, her eyes darting around the room. 

 “Well do you know where he could be?” 

 “Have you tried Scotland Yard?” Molly asked though she looked like she regretted speaking. She said too much, she went off script and her mind was trying to make up for it. “O-or have you talked to his brother? Mycroft right? The tall one in parliament?” she stumbled, rereading the lines in her head. 

 “Yeah, but something seemed off about him.” Molly froze in her place beside her station, her eyes were blown wide and she stared down at her hands like they were the most interesting thing. 

 “I’ll try again though, it was like he was hiding something.” John neared Molly, his slight height advantage making itself known. “Do you know what he could be hiding?” 

 Molly averted her gaze from his, “N-no idea.” John nodded, leaving the morgue when the thought popped into his mind. She was wearing lipstick. 

 -----

 The fourth was at Scotland Yard. He was planning on going anyways but Molly’s apprehensiveness just gave him a gut feeling that this was where his questions would be answered. Hopefully. Lestrade was usually in the same boat as he was. 

 “John!”

 “Greg, good to see you. Do you-” 

 “Busy.”

 “I’m sorry what?” John’s confusion was crystal clear on his face. What did the detective inspector mean by busy?

 “I’m busy,” Greg stated like that explained everything. 

 “Yes, but this is important.” 

 The phone on Greg’s desk dinged in a notification. “Can’t right now,” he reached for the phone on his desk like it was his life force. “My wife wants me home early,” he checked his phone.   

 “You aren’t married.” 

 “Yeah, but that was yesterday.” He scrolled through his phone, texting whoever was ever on the other side something frantic. 

  “You can’t just marry someone in a day!” John exclaimed, throwing his hands up. The other detectives and desk jockeys looked up from their computers to see what the commotion was. One of them being Donovan who looked like she hadn’t slept in days. 

 “He can,” Donovan spoke with authority. She turned to Greg, “And I expect you home by five.” With that she left the building with her coat thrown over her shoulder.

 “You and Donovan?! Since when?” 

 “Like I said, yesterday. And really John, I have to get to work.” 

 -----

 The fifth time was during work, seeing as how running around London had caused him to be two hours late. The woman at the front desk, Diana? Kira? Ariebella? Sydney? Whatever her name was, was very displeased with his tardiness. 

 “You’re late,” she stated bitterly. 

 “I know, I know. I got caught up with errands.” She used to sound so nice, or was that Margot? He wasn’t sure and with the morning he had, he couldn’t be bothered to look into it. 

 “Errands, errands. It's always errands with you. Well whatever you were doing that was more important than your job, you have sixteen patients waiting.”

 “Sixteen?!” John gasped, closing his eyes and massaging his temples. He really didn’t want to work today. “Fine, bring them in.” 

 “If you were actually here on time you would have known that they’re already in there. Go do your job, Dr. Watson.” The clank and clinks of her nails on the keyboard could be heard on his way to his office. It was heaven to his migraine.

 “Thanks, Alana,” John called behind him.

 “It's Clementine, idiot,” she retorted with a sneer he didn’t see but could easily imagine.  

 “Of course, Clementine, how could I forget,” John mumbled as he closed the door behind him. Suppressing a groan he turned on his heel to face his first out of sixteen patients. 

 “Good afternoon, Dr.” said his patient, an old woman who was on the brink of death, agewise. 

 “Good afternoon, miss…?” 

 “Holmes,” came her assertive reply. 

 “Holmes...you wouldn’t have been related to Sherlock by any chance? Would you?” John asked, never really ever having the chance to meet the rest of his flat mate’s family. What with one of them kidnapping him and the other wanting him dead.

 “What relations do you have to him?” Her question would’ve been rude if he wasn’t already expecting it. Sherlock, Mycroft, and Eurus had to get their personality from somewhere. 

 “I’m his friend and flat mate. Believe it or not we solve cases together,” he explained, taking a seat across from her.   

 “You must be John Hamish Watson then. I am Sherlock’s aunt.” John winced at his full name. Sherlock must’ve told her. How much did Sherlock’s family know about him? Enough to know his full name apparently. All that Harry knew was that he was alive and living in London.

 “Well it's a pleasure to meet you.”

 “The pleasure would be all yours for I am here for a reason,” Sherlock’s aunt said briskly. 

 “Of course, how are you feeling?”

 -----

 The sixth and final time was after work. John got through all sixteen patients and an extra five patients that came later in the day. This made it so he left the office, thirty minutes after his shift. Clementine wasn’t even at the front desk anymore. She just left him to close up on his own, which on any other day he wouldn’t have mind but his migraine had not lightened. 

 “Sherlock just kill me now,” John moaned, slipping his keys back into his pocket. With everything going on he was surprised he remembered to grab the damn thing before leaving the flat. 

 “He can be unpleasant but he’ll never kill you,” said Mrs. Hudson from her car. The one she used only in emergencies. 

 “Mrs. Hudson is everything okay? What are you doing here?” He ran up to her car, checking her for any injuries or bruises or otherwise. 

 “Oh stop that, I’m perfectly fine. I’m here to get you.”

 “If you don’t mind my asking, why?” John raised his eyebrows, his mouth ajar. 

 “Why? Because I want to, of course,” she smiled, gesturing with her head for him to ride in the passenger’s seat.

“I won’t say no to a free side from you,” John pulled the door shut as he sat down, setting his bag on the floor and buckling his seat before realizing they weren’t going to Baker Street. “Um, Mrs.Hudson?” 

 “Yes, dear?”

 “Where are we going?” 

 “You’ll know in a moment.” 

 A moment passed and they were getting closer and closer towards central London. “I really don’t know where we’re going.” 

 “Oh be patient, we’re almost there.”

 “And where exactly is there?”

 “You will see.”

 John would really much not like to see. He wanted to know, now. Today was odd already, he really wasn’t in the mood to be kidnapped by his landlady, or held for ransom. Mrs. Hudson grabbing her purse only to see it empty did not reassure him on the latter. 

 “Here we are, dear.” By here she meant a restaurant far too expensive for his paycheck. He could already feel his wallet groaning in his pocket from the small bites of food on large plates that were advertised.

 “I’m not sure-” But she had pushed him out of the car and sped off. With his bag for that matter. All he had on him now were the clothes on his back, his wallet and keys. He’d been worse off honestly but now he wasn’t sure where he was. 

 “Fuck.” John looked around, hoping to find a cab to take him home when he spotted some very distinctive brunette curls. “Sherlock,” he groaned, having had looked for the man and finding the man brought very different emotions out of the doctor.

 “Where the hell have you been?” John yelled to the taller man, not caring that he was causing a scene. 

 “I had errands to run,” Sherlock answered, stoic and baritone. 

 “Errands to run!? I have been looking for you all morning. You made me late to work. Again!” John threw his hands in the air, stomping his foot. He was drawing an audience and there were even some who brought their phones out, expecting a show. 

 “I didn’t make you do anything. You did that of your own free will,” Sherlock smirked, smug as he came to the conclusion, “Were you worried about me?”

 “Of course I was. Everyone was acting as if they were being held captive. The flat was clean, as in spotless, Mycroft was an utter mess, his maid wants to kill me, Molly was wearing lipstick, Greg’s apparently married to Donovan, I met your aunt of all people at work, and then Mrs. Hudson practically kidnapped me! What the bloody hell is going on, Sherlock.” 

 “I asked them to distract you, not make you go insane,” Sherlock grinned, looking down at him through his ridiculously long eyelashes. He was in an equally ridiculous get up, a three piece suit with a velvet blazer that looked straight out of Mycroft's wardrobe.  

 “Well they did a great job of that, I feel like my head is splitting in two,” John shook his head, not wanting to believe all of this was done by Sherlock but he shouldn’t have been surprised. This was exactly something the lunatic would do. He faked his own death for two bleeding years, distracting John for the morning was nothing to the detective consultant. 

 “I’ll order you a drink then,” Sherlock began walking into the restaurant like he owned the place. Did he? No, no, John didn’t want to know. 

 “You could’ve just said you wanted to eat out,” John grumbled, feeling underdressed compared to the other consumers.  

 “Well Mrs. Hudson said I should make it special. And Mycroft recommended the restaurant so you should really be blaming them.” Sherlock pulled out a seat at a table set for two and gestured for John to sit. He did so reluctantly, feeling out of place. Sherlock took the seat opposite. “Distracting you was my idea, if you were wondering.”

 “Of course it was.” 

 Sherlocked beamed, trying to hide his chuckle. “Yes, well I couldn’t have you following me while I got everything ready.” 

 “So are you going to explain what all of this is for?” John made a gesture to indicate everything around them. If the gesture happened to look like his middle finger then they could kindly fuck off.

 “Our anniversary.”

 John raised an eyebrow in question, wishing he shaved his spite-stache earlier. “I’m not gay, Sherlock.” 

 The mentioned man rolled his eyes but relented, “Of course, of course, but what I meant was the anniversary of our first meeting.” 

 “You did all of this for an anniversary for some day?” John asked, thanking the waitress who handed him the menu. She looked familiar as well, brunette and with a glaze over her eyes.

 “It wasn’t just some day or else Mrs. Hudson wouldn’t have parted it on her calendar,” Sherlock explained, thanking the brunette waitress. She turned to face John as she brought over the drinks and that was when it clinked. 

 “Eurus!” John exclaimed, pointing to the waitress who was also Mycroft’s maid. 

 “Happy anniversary, John,” she congratulated him. 

 “She helped too.”

 “I more than helped, I made sure everyone was in their place.”  

 “You bloody idiot, you really went all out,” John looked at Sherlock in utter disbelief. What did he get himself into when he decided he loved this man. Wait, what? Since when did that thought come into his mind? Since when did he love Sherlock? 

 “Anything for you, John.”

 “I’ll just leave now, seeing as I’m no longer needed. I’ll bring condoms with your dessert.”

[clubdolan]

Wishes Come True | N.C.

I watched a Make-A-Wish video and was ~inspired~.

“Her name is Riley, she's eleven, she has been diagnosed with astrocytoma, a brain tumor, has had three surgeries and currently is going through chemo.” The guide from Make-A-Wish handed Noah a picture, “Her wish was to meet Peter K, aka: Noah. So you have an hour with her, more time if you want but an hour is necessary.”

She untangled a few lanyards and handed one to Noah with his name on it, “Her mom’s name is Carol, she should be coming down any time to take us upstairs, it’s all a surprise, she doesn’t know her wish was granted—

“Oh my goodness, it’s Peter K.” A voice behind them said, “I cannot believe I am seeing you in person after seeing you on a screen. Thank you so much for coming.”

Noah stood up and hugged her, “I am so happy I could be here and very excited to surprise her.” He kept hold the mom’s shaking hands, “I brought her a gift too, if that’s okay?” He gestured to a basket sat on his friend’s lap. “It has Peter’s lacrosse hoodie in it, a book signed by some of the cast and some other fun things.”

“That is very okay, super okay!” The mom smiled, tilting to look at the basket. “Are you Elsa.. on Once Upon a Time?” 

The girl that sat with the basket on her lap looked up, “Um, yeah, I’m Lilly.” She stood up and stuck out her hand.

Carol let go of Noah’s hands and shook Lilly’s, “Riley and I used to wait every week for new episodes of Once to come out, we loved when Anna and Elsa showed up. It was right when she started her first round of chemo and it was such a magical show for us.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet to hear.” Lilly smiled, “Did my hair give it away?” She gestured at the long blonde hair that set on her shoulder, “It’s usually the giveaway.”

“That and your beautiful eyes.” Carol grinned, “Can you come upstairs too? Riley will just be… so excited!”

“If they say it’s okay, I can.”

Everyone looked at the Make-A-Wish lady as she hand-wrote Lilly’s name on a pass. “I can’t say no.” She laughed, handing the lanyard over.

As they made their way to the elevator, Carol continued conversation. The Make A Wish lady grabbed the basket of gifts and Noah’s publicist followed.

“So Elsa and Peter K walk into a hospital….” Noah joked as they waited on the elevator to get to the top floor. His hand sat gently on Lilly’s back and she leaned into him until the bell dinged.

“Her older sister Rachel who is fourteen is here too, she doesn’t know about the surprise either.” Carol mentioned, “I don’t even know how to do this. Do I just have you walk in? Do I announce it?”

“Can I just go ask if I can watch the movie?” Carol nodded, filming right behind him as he opened the door. Without saying a word he sat down in the chair next to the girls on the bed, “Oh I love this movie, can I watch it too?”

Both Riley and Rachel slowly looked over at him, his curls hung right at the top of his eyes as he grinned back.

“Peter……Noah… Noah??” Riley asked, pulling on her sister’s arm. 

“Riley… Riley???? and Rachel???” He joked back, acting like he was freaking out.

“Mommy, it’s… mommy you knew?” Riley yelled, “Rachel did you—

“I didn’t know!”

“Can I at least get a hug?” He asked, sticking his arms out. Riley’s little body covered in purple butterflies pajamas seemed to hop off the bed and onto Noah’s lap as her arms wrapped around his neck. 

The Make-A-Wish lady stepped in the room, “My wish was granted? My wish was granted!” She stood up and pointed at Noah, “It’s here! He’s here!”

Everyone in the room was laughing at her reaction, Carol filmed the whole thing and Noah’s publicists snapped pictures on her phone.

“Sit down, you all can chat for a bit.” The Make A Wish lady said, pulling Riley’s table to the side. “But we might need another chair?”

“Another chair? Don’t tell me Lara Jean is here!” Riley dramatically said, “If it’s not Lara Jean is it Margot? Or Kitty?”

“It’s no one from my movies.” Noah gave a hint, “Your mom is the one that recognized her.” 

Every eye in the room went to Carol, “It’s was our favorite show to watch when you first had chemo—

“Once Upon a Time!” Rachel and Riley yelled at the same time, “There’s so many possibilities.”

“Think….” Noah tried to give a few hints, “Cold…. Queen…. Ice—

“ELSA?!” They both guessed again, giving Lilly the cue to step in the room. 

“Hi” She waved, walking towards them. “I’m Lilly.”

Riley and Rachel sat in shock as she stood in front of them. Riley stood up on her bed and gave her a hug, “Hi Elsa Lilly!”

She took a seat next to Noah and they recorded a few bits for Make A Wish before most people left the room and let Rachel and Riley have their own time with Noah and Lilly.

Questions about being on set, future movies, tv shows, signing her iPhone case, etc. Riley had them all.

“I actually just filmed something where I play a robot-girl, I think it comes out next year, it’s got a lot of editing to do because half of it is all made up.” Lilly scrolled on her pictures to find one of her in her outfit with wires coming out of her neck in special effects makeup. 

Riley opened her gift, laying it all out on the bed. They had all become so comfortable in each others presence that neither Noah or Lilly had noticed that Lilly’s hand was on his leg, listening to Rachel tell a story about something that happened at school.

“I have school here, on my computer.” Riley pointed.

“That’s how I finished school.” Noah said, “You too, right?” 

Lilly nodded, “On set most of the time.”

“Do you two wanna be in a movie together?” Rachel asked.

“I’d be fine with that.” Lilly laughed, “Can it be a tropical movie? I just filmed in England and it was freezing the entire time.”

“It can be a tropical movie about a pirate.” Riley explained, “And a mermaid, you can be the mermaid.” She pointed to Lilly.

“What if I want to be a mermaid?” Noah frowned, “A merman?”

“Okay, you both can be mermaids and you can run from a bad pirate who is trying to get you. But you get eaten by an octopus!” She laughed, pointing at Noah.

“Oh noooo!” He dramatically said, falling back into his seat, “Death by octopus?”

“It’ll slurp you up! And Lilly the mermaid will escape and become a princess and ban the pirate from ever being in the ocean again!”

“I’m down with that.”

“You get to survive and be a princess and I die by octopus slurps? Not fair.” He pushed her shoulder.

Lilly pushed back, “Super fair. I’ve died three times in movies and you’ve never died once.” 

“But an octopus?” He asked Riley, “Why not a shark or a…. whale?”

“Because an octopus has eight legs.”

“That’s the best reason I have ever heard.” He smiled, “You should write a movie for us and send us the script to give a director.” 

“That’s a lot of writing.” Riley sighed, “I’ll just give you ideas, okay?”

“What other ideas do you have?” Lilly asked.

Riley explained for over twenty minutes her ideas for movies and super heroes and everything in between. She stood on the bed exaggerating how tall a monster was. She ran around the room describing a cape for a super hero. 

She stood in front of Lilly and looked at her hair, “You could be Rapunzel too, you just need a braid.”

“Do you know how to braid?” Riley nodded, pointing at the little braid in Rachel’s hair, “Then give it a go.” Lilly lifted her up to her lap and Riley’s fingers went to town separating hair and winding it together. 

Noah took a few pictures of them, watching them giggle and tell secrets. He looked back through the pictures, admiring the smiles on both of their faces.

“You like her, huh?”

He was shook out of his zone as Rachel spoke to him. “Huh?”

“You like Lilly.”

“I mean.. I—

“It wasn’t a question.” She shrugged, “It’s obvious.”

“What’s so obvious about it?”

“I’m fourteen, I know when people have crushes on each other.” She moved closer to him and they both watched Riley continue braiding Lilly’s hair. “You keep taking pictures of her and you were smiling really big when you looked at them. She keeps touching your leg and you hold onto her hand. But mostly, because your phone background is the both of you and people only do that when they have crushes. Mine is Harvey.” 

Noah looked next to him, “You’re smart.” He nodded, “Do you think she likes me back?”

Rachel took a second to look at Lilly before explaining, “Yes, for sure. Like I said she keeps touching you. She keeps smiling at you too. And the way she looks at you is… she has that look… you know the look?”

“The look?”

“The heart eyes, like the emoji.”

“You’re saying literal hearts come out of her eye—

“No..” She rolled her eyes, “The look you get when you really use the heart eye emoji. Did she come to New York with you?”

“She might have?”

“So she did?”

“Yes, we’ve been here for a few days.” He admitted. 

“So you’re on vacation together?” Rachel kept interrogating. “The rumors are true, you’re dating.”

“What rumors?”

“I sit in this hospital a lot with my sister and I read a lot of news on twitter. Yesterday you were a trending topic. Leaving the basketball game…..” She tried to remind him, “You held the door open for her?”

“As any gentleman would do.”

“You carried her shopping bags?”

“Some of it was mine.” He defended.

“And you’re staying at The Plaza, paparazzi caught you leaving there too. That’s a fancy hotel.” She grinned, “Do you even try to keep up on the gossip about you?”

“No, I try to ignore all the gossip. But I—

“Have you kissed her?” Noah whipped his head around to look at her, “Well that’s an obvious yes!” Rachel laughed loudly, getting both of the girl’s attention.

“What do you think?” Lilly asked, turning her head so you could see the one braid go down the side.

“I think it’s beautiful.”

“It needs to be longer to be Rapunzel’s but you can get extensions.” Rachel said, “So you two are dating? Like the internet says?”

“Huh?” Both Riley and Lilly asked.

“Apparently we’re a dead give-a-way once you see us together on the trending topics of twitter.” Noah sighed, “She’s a little detective.”

“Nilly is real?” Riley looked up at Lilly with inquisitive eyes.

“Why else would they randomly be in New York together staying at the same hotel? You’re wish was Noah, not the both of them. She just so happened to show up with him.”

“She’s good.” Noah shook his head and grinned.

Riley’s face lit up, looking at Lilly, “Please say you’re dating him.”

“You think I should?” She whispered down to her.

“Yeah, he’s cute.” Riley giggled, looking over at Noah. 

“Hey! What are you whispering about me for?” He pulled her off Lilly’s lap, “What are you telling her?”

Riley moved around and put her hands to his ear, “That she should date you because you���re cute.”

“You?? Think I’m??” He pointed at himself before cupping his hands around Riley’s ear, “Well I think she’s pretty.”

“You better tell me what he’s telling you.” Lilly threatened, “Or I’ll tell—

“He said you’re pretty!” Riley yelled, hiding her face in Noah’s chest. 

“Told youuuu….” Rachel smiled at herself for being right. “Life’s too short to keep secrets that make you happy.”

“And she’s funny” He kept whispering in Riley’s ear, “And she makes good brownies.”

“So Nilly is real..” Riley looked up at him, “Really real?”

“Yes.” He laughed, “Because you two started asking questions.”

Carol came in as Noah was ticking Riley, Rachel was laughing and cheering him on as Lilly smiled sitting next to them all.

“So meeting Peter K was all you imagined and more?” She asked, lifting Riley off of Noah and onto the bed.

“Yes!!” She jumped up and down on the bed.

“It’s time for your check-up so it’s time to say goodbye.”

Riley and Rachel pouted, looking over at Noah. “We’ll keep in touch with you guys, I’ll get your mom’s phone number if that’s okay? We can FaceTime.”

“Perfect!”

They took more pictures and Lilly hugged both girls, “You’ve been so sweet to meet, I’m so glad I tagged along today.”

“Me too.” Riley smiled, touching the braid that was still in Lilly’s hair. 

Noah hugged the both of them, “Is there anything else you need?”

Riley quickly shook her head no but Rachel stopped him, “Riley wants a kiss on the cheek!”

“No I don—

“You said if you ever met him you wanted a kiss—

“No—

“Yes—

“No I d—

She froze as Noah grabbed her hands, “You want a kiss on the cheek?” Riley nodded on time, squeezing her eyes shut. He puckered his lips out and quickly smooched her cheek, she blushed as he hugged her again. “Bye, Miss Riley.”

The walk out of the hospital seemed longer than the walk in before they hopped in a car alone and were off to dinner.

“That was the cutest. All of it. The cutest thing.” Lilly said, “I about cried three or four times.”

“Ugh, me too. When she was talking about her therapy and how she was so excited for a wig I was a mix of happy and sad cry.” He laughed, “You were so sweet with her.”

“Me? You were so cute with the both of them.” She shook his arm, “She is in love with you. You just made that little girl’s life. She will be thinking of that and talking about it for so long. Especially the kiss.”

“I wanted to just pack her up and bring her with us.” He smiled, “Her sister was hilarious, so observant.”

“I heard you think I’m pretty.” Lilly winked at him.

“Well yeah, I guess I did say that.” He fake stretched and put his arm on her shoulder, making her laugh, “I didn’t think it would be appropriate to tell a little girl how hot you were.” Lilly looked up at him, “Didn’t want to mention how good you looked last night in—

She smacked his arm and pointed to their driver, “…nothing.” He whispered in her ear, so close she could feel his lips move.

“You just did a Make A Wish, you can't act like that!”

“Is that in the paper I signed?” He laughed, “Was that a secret thing?”

They sat in silence on the way to lunch, both checking social media and posting about Riley and her Make-A-Wish. Lilly found Rachel’s instagram where she had typed out a long post about how nice they were and how excited her sister still is that it had happened. She commented on the post how nice it was to meet them and she couldn’t wait to FaceTime them soon! Noah commented soon after with a lot of hearts and my favorite girls!!!! 

“So.. since people know now.. or.. kind of know now..” Noah started, “Do you think we should.... like... I don’t know....”

“Like?”

Noah’s face squished together and he held in a laugh, “Can I post a picture of you and talk about how cute you are?”

Lilly grabbed his face and laughed, “You can do whatever you want.”

“So I can?”

“Yes, I don’t care.” She kissed him, “Just don’t like.. not a weird picture.. like not one from a shoot.”

“No it’s one I took.” He smiled, scrolling through his photos. She could tell he was typing as his fingers tapped the screen. He kept erasing and typing more and looking at her then smiling and typing again.

“Whaaaaat?” She kept asking, trying to look at his post.

“Nooooo, stop.” He pulled his phone back, continuing to type.

Lilly sat with her arms crossed, watching the New York streets pass by. Her phone buzzed and she looked down, ‘@ncentineo has posted a new picture’ ‘@ncentineo has tagged you in a picture’.

@ncentineo: So there’s this girl & she makes me ridiculously happy. 😍 

“Awww, No” She hugged onto his arm, “You’re too cute.” He kissed the top of her head.

@lillygriffin: It’s untrue......... He is not local, nor organic. But he’s cute. 🤗 So I guess it’s okay. 

Lilly posted a picture of him and watched her instagram notifications go non-stop. She watched the orange bubble pop up with new followers, likes and comments every few seconds. 

Noah slid the phone from her hand and put it in his pocket, “How about... we go eat and ignore our phones? Then go take a nap before we go out tonight?”

Lilly agreed, looking out the window as they pulled up to their lunch spot. Sullivan Street Bakery was barely busy. They were arriving just before the lunch rush which was the plan. “You know this is--

“Your favorite lunch in New York.” Noah finished her sentence. “Let’s go, I’m starving.”

Lilly hopped out of the SUV and pulled her purse on her shoulder, “What?” She looked back at Noah who stood on the sidewalk, his hand sticking out towards her. His lips pouted at her and he wiggled his fingers, “Hold my hand, baaaabe.”

Lilly took two steps back and grabbed his hand. His smile grew and he squeezed her fingers, leading her inside. Lilly grabbed onto his arm with her opposite hand, it was their first intentional public display of dating and her nerves quickly hit her.

“What’s wrong?” He looked down at her as they waited for a table.

Lilly looked up at him, biting on her lip. He gently grabbed her chin and lead her mouth to his, kissing her quickly, “Nothing.” She smiled, “Nothing’s wrong. Everything is... perfect.”

[sonofadeanwinchester]

Even Then

Summary: You’re the writer and lead female role on a movie. When Sebastian Stan is cast as the male lead, old feelings come back.

Words: 1869

Sebastian Stan x POC!Reader

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: This was requested by @areelphony ! I’m sorry that it took me so damn long to write this for you. I’m also sorry if this sucks.

Tags:  @221bshrlocked @marvelouslyme96 @shellymaesworld @titty-teetee @pawallday @chameerah@buckylicious@nerdywitch @teresaoliva20 @guera31 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn @ssweet-empowerment@jhangelface0523 @sarahp879 @parkerrpeterr @bxxbxy @mrs-meghan-winchester  @yknott81 @thejemersoninferno@yeahbutmarvel @kaleidoscope96

“Okay, so you’re telling me that you wanna star and be the writer?” My sister, Shay, ask me.

I nod. “Just looking for some actors willing to do some shit acting.”

She laughs. “This script is incredible, really.”

I roll my eyes. “Thank you but I couldn’t really picture anyone being playing these roles.”

Shay cocks her head to the side. “Well, it seems that you’ve written the male lead like a tall guy with black hair and you mention striking blue eyes a few times as well.” I sigh. “God, I based him off Prince Eric, didn’t I?”

“Sebastian.” My sister’s eyes grew wide as she googled him.

I shake my head. I haven’t seen Sebastian in nearly seven years, not since he joined onto the MCU. “No.”

She nods. “Yes. He’s perfect for this role.”

I shake my head. “No, Shay, it’s too soon.”

“It’s been seven years and too late. He’s on his way over here.”

“What?!” I jump to my feet. “I wasn’t expecting a fucking audition here today.”

She shrugs. “I’ll talk to him, you just get it presentable in here, k?”

“The writer is a friend of yours?” I hear Sebastian’s voice from down the hall.

Shay speaks, very professional. “You could say we grew up together.”

Their voices grow closer every second as I rush around my office, trying to get everything tidy and ready for this spontaneous audition. By the time the door opens, I sit down in my chair, my back to it. “Well, this role seems to fit for me. I’m glad my manager gave me a head start. Who’s the director?”

I take a deep breath and swivel around in my seat. “Seb, hey.”

“(y/n)? What’re you doing here?”

Shay smirks. “This is my sister. The writer”

“Sister? Wr-writer?” Sebastian’s eyes grow wide as he takes a seat in front of me. “Uh, this is shocking.”

I nod. “I wasn’t expecting anyone to hear about this movie for a while yet.”

He clears his throat, his eyes focused on my face. He licks his lips before speaking. “Well, it’s amazing.”

My face flushes. “Thank you. And just for the record, I didn’t capture the character’s looks after you.”

He smirks. “Never crossed my mind but now that you mention it.”

Shay chuckles. “You’ve read the script then?”

He nods, his eyes leaving mine for just a moment. “Yeah, it’s great.”

“Then why don’t you give us a piece of it.”

His eyes jerk back to mine and he grins. “What part and what setting?”

Shay smirks. “What about the part where our male lead is at the altar and his ex-lover barges in and he realizes that he’s been with the wrong woman.”

I grind my teeth together and smile. “Go ahead.”

He nods, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, they are tear-filled. “Jamie-” He takes a deep breath. “I almost married the wrong woman because I thought you hated me. I thought you would never forgive me for what I did to you.”

Shay steps in, playing Jamie. “You broke my heart, Stanley, but how could I ever hate you?”

He wipes a tear from his cheek, anxious he starts again. “Samantha was just someone to maybe and try to get over the fact that I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. When I found out you moved away and didn’t say goodbye, I figured you would never want to see me again but-” another deep sigh, “here you are, busting into my wedding ceremony. Why?”

Shay chuckles. “Why? Because I’m still in love with you. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because watching you be with other women is like stabbing myself repeatedly in the heart.”

Sebastian shutters out a sigh. “I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say that. Jamie, I still love you. I never stopped loving you. I’ll always love you even to my deathbed. And if there is a life after death, I’ll love you even then.”

“Scene.” Shay stopped, shaking Sebastian’s hand and grinning. “That was amazing.”

He wiped his cheeks. “Thank you.”

I chuckle. “Can’t believe you remembered all that in like the ten minutes of reading it.”

He shrugs. “From the first words, it gripped me and it kind of resonated with me, you know? Kinda seems familiar to my own life.”

Shay clears her throat. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that you’re definitely the top picks for our male lead.”

He claps his hands. “That’s amazing, thank you. Any idea who’s playing the leading lady?”

I clear my throat. “That’s me actually. I’ll be playing the role of Jamie.”

His face drained of blood. “Really. You’re the lead star. Okay, that’s cool.” He swallows and licks his lips. “Who’s playing Samantha?”

I cock my head to the side. “Margot Robbie.”

“Oh! I’ve worked with Margot, she’s great.”

Shay looks between the two of us and stands. “Sebastian here’s a script and I’ll send the paperwork over to your agent. Congratulations, you got the part.”

“What?” Sebastian and I spoke in unison.

She nods. “I’m the casting director on this film and I think you’ll make a good part on this team.”

He stands to his feet. “Uh, thank you, Shay.” He nods his head once and leaves the room, shaking his head as he walks away.

“What the actual fucking hell was that?” I stand, glaring at her.

“You really don’t see it?”

“See what?”

She groans. “There is clearly unresolved history between you and that fine ass man that just left. This might be a good way to, you know, resolve things.”

I snort. “There is nothing ‘unresolved’ between us.”

She cocks a brow. “You never do air quotes unless you’re annoyed or being defensive and I think you’re doing both of those things.”

I roll my eyes. “So what if I still have feelings for him? He clearly isn’t interested.”

“Are you blind or just stupid?” She sees my face and smiles. “Sorry, just that, he clearly has a thing for you.”

I shake my head. “Well, he’s worked with Margot before and he has a history of dating co-stars so maybe there is something between them.”

Shay shakes her head. “She’s married.”

“And I’m not interested.”

“Mhmm.” She rolls her eyes and walks away.

The final day of rehearsal was the most awkward. I wanted so many times to run to Sebastian and explain to him that I still love him but I never did. He was always with Margot. . “Okay, everyone. Get in your places.” The director, Tim, was sipping out a coffee. “We’re ending today with the wedding scene.

Margot and Seb stand at the altar, with love in their eyes, as a priest behind them starts the wedding ceremony. Sebastian is dressed in a tuxedo, looking handsome as ever. Margot stands across from him, dressed in a princess style wedding dress, a veil covering her face. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I was really attending their wedding. Sebastian is saying something and Margot is giggling. He winks at her and she sighs, nodding. As the priest opens the ceremony up to anyone who objects, I run in. Busting through the double doors, tears on my cheeks and my mascara running wildly, I scream. “Stanley!”

Stanley’s head swings to look at me, confusion on his face. “Jamie?”

Samantha jolts her head backward. “Who’s Jamie?”

“Stanley, don’t marry her.” My throat tightens up with emotions. “Don’t, please.”

He releases her hands and looks her square in the eyes. “Sam, I love you but I can’t do this.”

Samantha’s jaw drops and she crosses her arms like a child throwing a hissy fit. “Stan, come on.”

“I’m sorry, Sam.” With that, he drops down the stairs, running over to me. “Jamie-” He takes a deep breath. “I almost married the wrong woman because I thought you hated me. I thought you would never forgive me for what I did to you.”

My voice comes out shaky. “You broke my heart Stanley, but how could I ever hate you?”

He wipes a tear off his cheek. “Samantha was just someone to get over the fact that I ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. When I found out you moved away and didn’t say goodbye, I figured you would never want to see me again but-” another deep sigh, “here you are, busting into my wedding ceremony. Why?”

I chuckle. “Why? Because I’m still in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because watching you be with other women is like stabbing myself repeatedly in the heart.”

Stanley shutters out a sigh. “I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say that. Jamie, I still love you. I never stopped loving you. I’ll always love you even to my deathbed. And if there is a life after death, I’ll love you even then.”

He leans in close enough that I can feel his breath on my lips and the director calls “CUT!”

I sigh, trying to calm my beating heart. Sebastian stands in front of me, his blue eyes watching me. “Good job.”

I nod, not breaking eye contact with him. “You too.”

“Seb, that was amazing. I actually believed you loved her.” Margot was beside us now, shaking her blonde curls. “Hello, (y/n), I’m Margot.”

I smile, eyes still on Sebastian. “I know who you are.” Breaking contact for a moment. “I’m (y/n), the writer.”

Her eyes grew big. “The script is lovely! Really, it’s amazing.” She puts a hand on Sebastian's shoulder and tugs him. “Come now, let’s go get some food.”

He nods. “Sure.” He turns away from me and starts to leave. I can feel my stomach growing in the urge to scream, to ask her to lay off of him but he’s not mine, not anymore. I turn my back from him and then I hear my name. “(y/n).”

I turn to find Sebastian standing in front of me. “Yeah?”

He swallows loudly and goes to speak but nothing comes out.

I nod, walking away.

“(y/n)?” His voice again.

I turn, agitated. “What?”

He clears his throat. “This script, resonated with me because it reminds me of you. And it makes so much sense why now because you put your heart and soul into this and I could feel it. It reminds me of our past, our history, together and it makes me miss us. It made me miss you.” He chews his lip. “I don’t expect a huge answer or even an answer at all, I just needed you to know that. I needed you to know that being in the same room with you is suffocating and intoxicating all at the same time. Being near you again, it makes me want to be a better person, I better actor. You always brought the best out in me. I love you like how Stanley loves Jamie.”

I feel a lump in my throat growing as I smile. “I love you like how Jamie loves Stanley.”

[thebetterarod]

An Interview with Aaron Rodgers and Emmy Rossum.

When two best friends, an NFL quarterback and a double threat singer/actress, sit down to interview one another.. Social security numbers, net worth, motherhood, godfatherhood, divorce, dating in Hollywood, Impractical Jokers.. nothing is off limits.

Aaron: Welcome to your interview, girl from Shameless. Please state your full legal name, date of birth, hometown, mother's maiden name, and social security number.

Emmy: Emmanuelle Grey Rossum, born September 12, 1986 in Manhattan, New York to Cheryl Rossum. My Social Security number is 5. Is this what being in the military feels like? Anyways, thanks guy from the insurance commercials for that rousing set of intro questions. I hope you're ready, because I'm going to dig deep and get to the nitty gritty, here. To start, can you now state YOUR legal name, date of birth, home town and what your yearly wages are, please?

Aaron: 5, wow. You must be old. I'm Aaron Charles Rodgers, born on December 2nd, 1983 in Chico, California. My yearly wages? Does this include endorsements where I take selfies with dogs? I'm not Floyd Mayweather, but I'm in the top 100 World's Highest Paid Athletes, not to brag. I'm more towards the hundred side of the spectrum, but I'm still there. What's the one question you're sick of answering when promoting Shameless? Instead of answering said question, give me the question you wished they'd ask about you about the show and then pretend that's my next question and answer it.

Emmy: I am, you don't even know. December 2nd, huh? What's it like sharing a birthday with Britney Spears? Do you ever see her out on her birthday and call her a birthday buddy or something? Have you ever had a group party? You should. Yeah, I can tell you're not much of a bragger. Oh that one's easy! It's "So, what's it like having your top off every scene?" or "Is it weird to go on a first date knowing the other person has most likely already seen you mostly naked?" It's so fucking stupid. I see zero problems with nudity on TV or movies, I think there's much worse things out there portrayed--or for kids to see--rather then a naked body. I realize you said not to answer it--but I did anyways. I wish they'd ask me...hm. I dunno, really anything other then something pertaining to my boobs or naked ass, would be a treat. Speaking of boobs and naked asses--that feels like a great segway--empty your pockets. Right now. What's in there? They say you can learn a lot about a person just by what they carry around with them, so let's see...

Aaron: I do call her my birthday twin. It's great. I invite her out every year and she never shows. I even get Happy Birthday Aaron and Britney written on all my birthday cakes. I figured you'd say those questions were the ones that were repetitive and most annoying. What would they expect you to say? It's part of the script, you're an actress, and you're doing your job. My pockets.. let's see. I have my keys, my iPhone, my wallet.. That's it. It's boring, which pretty much sums up my life. I'd say empty your purse and let's see what's in it, but a gentleman never snoops around on a lady's purse. Instead, I'll piggyback on my boring life comment. Your life has recently changed when you welcomed your first child into the world. What's changed since you become a mother and what're some things people told you would change or happen, but didn't?

Emmy: I had a feeling you did--I mean--you're you. So that makes sense you'd do that. Awe, really? That's kinda sad, now. What's up, Brit? Why you giving Aaron the cold shoulder? I have no fucking clue--it's like they just constantly wanna talk about my tits rather then some of the actual issues we tackle on the show. Sure, we do it mostly with humor, but there are some real moments in there. Damn, that's it? I'm kinda disappointed, I was kind of hoping you'd have something juicy in your pockets or something--but clearly--that was a bust. Eh, the juiciest thing I have in there would be the old stick of gum or the birth control pills--you're not missing out on much, guys, by him not asking--don't worry! This is true! Well, I mean--pretty much everything changed, really. I was really comfortable living my life a certain way them BAM! It all changed--I had more then just myself to think about and take care of for once--and I think that's been the biggest thing of them all. I can't just be spontaneous in my decision making anymore--cuz it doesn't just effect me. It's gotten me to grow up a bit more, not that I was really a child before, but still. I mean, everyone told me to brace for the no sleep, but I've been in the industry for a while now. I was used to living off a few hours of sleep, anyways. So yeah, it's still kind of a blow at first, but I can't complain. What about you? You've recently taken on a new role--not as a father--but even better, as a god father. How's that life treating you?

Aaron: Hopefully now with things changing in Hollywood, these questions will come up less and less and people will be more inclined to focus on an actress's talent, rather than simply her body. Nothing juicy, just boring. Looks like you share that boring quality with me. I bet, and being a single parent probably made it change even more drastically since you're doing it on your own. This is actually the second time I've been named Godfather, not to brag or anything. My first godchild is Hadlee, Christina's daughter, and then Conor and Margot named me Godfather to Conor Junior. I knew I'd be named Godfather from the moment Conor told me Margot was pregnant, even if they kept denying it. Here's an important question. Ready for it?Okay, here's the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go! Just kidding. You once told me you used to sing Opera for hot dogs when you were younger, which means you started in this industry, in some way, at a young age. When did you first realize you wanted to be an entertainer and what was your first passion - singing or acting?

Emmy: That's what I'm hoping, too. And honestly, I can say, since it was made public that I was asking for equal pay--and since I was granted equal pay as my co star William H. Macy--it's come up a bit less. So hopefully it'll die out, soon. I do, just add it to the list of things we have in common, next to our love of Joe Gatto screaming "LARRY!" It does, but I was also raised by a single parent. My dad was never in the picture, I've only ever met him twice--I never even had his last name--so I had a good blueprint on what to do and how to handle everything from being raised by my mom. I like to think I'm doing a decent job, so far. You do know that by saying "not to brag" that doesn't make it okay, right? It's like when someone says no offense--then says something super offensive, I'm just saying! But that's cute--you're a good Godfather, I'll vouch for you. I'm Jewish, so we don't really do the whole godfather thing--but if we did--you'd be my choice of Linc. I'm not sure I'm ready--but go ahead, anyways. You're such an ass, I'm dying! I was like 'Do I have a wife I forgot about?' I did, it's all true and totally not weird! Well, now I don't wanna brag, but I was actually the youngest singer to be a in the metropolitan opera children's chorus. I got in when I was seven by singing Happy Birthday in all twelve keys. I'm just saying. But I think--at first--it was singing. My mom used to listen to a ton of classical music when she was pregnant with me--I'm convinced I came out singing. But after a while, I kind of just naturally gravitated more to acting. I love both, but I'm all about the challenge of getting into character, and portraying people with flaws. Now, I know I mentioned Joe before--so here's the ultimate Impractical Jokers question--are you ready? Who's the best joker?

Aaron: Let's hope, especially when equal pay is really being brought to light lately. It always had a driving force behind it, but now people are finally starting to pay attention. LARRY! Most readers don't know this, but Emmy's son is actually named Larry. Your mother is a role model in more ways than one, and you are doing a great job. Larry's a lucky kid. Yes it does. That's just like saying "With all due respect.." before saying something rude. Ricky Bobby 101. I'll pretend I'm Larry's Godfather as well. All twelve keys? That's impressive. I'd ask you to sing something, but the readers won't be able to hear it and this isn't some magazine where you get a feature on Youtube along with the interview. You're really making me pick a favorite? Is that fair? It's not. I can never choose because it changes from episode to episode, challenge to challenge. There's not one I dislike. Can you choose a favorite Joker? I bet you can't.

Emmy: Honestly, I really hope so. Okay, can you please not use this publication to lie about my son? His name is Lincoln--for anyone who didn't know. Lincoln Asher Rossum. His initials are LAR, and so Aaron has taken it upon HIMSELF to nickname him Larry. He's the worst. Not that there's anything wrong with the name Larry--that's just not MY son's name! She really is, I'm glad I'm not the only one who see's that. Awe, thanks! Is this the part where we tell the world he's actually your child? Too much? I'm kidding, guys. It's like the colonel Sanders said: "I'm too drunk to eat this chicken." I'm not surprised. Thanks, they were pretty impressed too I guess since I got the job. Too bad, I do a mean version of Good Vibrations--but opera-ed up. I am, I told you, this interview is going to get to the important things people want to know about! Hey! You can't turn this back on me! Fuck...no. I can't--I really can't! I love them all for different reasons! Fine...moving on--but I warn you--I'm just going to have to dig deeper now. Aaron Rodgers...if you could take anyone on the best date ever--who would you take, and where would you go?

Aaron: Emmy Rossum is the liar. Her son is actually named Larry. Oh, we're using this publication to tell the world I'm actually Larry's father? I thought we were going to get to take the highest bid between People Magazine and Us Weekly. Secret's out now and no one will give us the money. I feel more free now, though. I knew you couldn't decide on a favorite, either. No one can. The best date ever? There's not really a special anyone, except my baby mama, in my life. There's the 'go all out' date and then there's the low-key date. It also depends on the girl. I've always liked the idea of a day of a drink on the beach, followed by sailing at sunset (drink responsibly), and wrapping it up with a bonfire. I prefer dates outdoors rather than going to a movie or a crowded restaurant. Staying on the dating topic, do you find it difficult to date in Hollywood or would you say you're more of an open book and you don't care what the public or gossip sites know/find out?

Emmy: Bull shit! The next time some pap snaps a pic of my and Linc, they're gonna say 'Emmy Rossum, out for the day with her son Larry' and I'm gonna be so pissed--cuz it's all your fault. We just did! No going back now. After telling the world where you are on the spectrum when it comes to annual income, I doubt anyone's going to feel bad for us not holding out for the bidding war. Oh well. It's true, it's the impossible question! That makes sense, though. It depending on the person. I'm kind of the same way, I love to hike and just be outside in general, really. I mean, don't get me wrong--I think the world knows I love to eat--but BESIDES eating, I also love being outdoors. So that's an A+ from me, I'll be on the look out and see if I can find anyone willing to go on that date with you, I got your back, buddy. Fuck yeah it's difficult. I mean--here's the thing: I don't really care all that much about the gossip and all that--I think it's obvious after falsely and sarcastically calling you out as the father of my child many times--but that being said--yeah it's hard. You date someone in the industry, and sure they understand, and sure I don't mind THAT much what the public knows, but it doesn't make dating easy. Everything you do is constantly under a microscope. It messes with you. I'm seen talking to literally any guy, someone takes a pic and the other person is wondering "Well who's that? or vice versa. It's hard to push it all away for some people--at least people I've dated it seems, so. Constantly being on the spot does not make dating in Hollywood easy. Since we're actually being kind of serious for once--I'm not sure if you've talked about it publicly too much. And if you don't want to, you can just say "Emmy, shut the fuck up" but-- what actually happened with the divorce? What was the final straw for you? You may have beat the hollywood record for shortest marriage, I'm just saying.

Aaron: I hope they do because that would be fucking hilarious. They'd side with you and make me pay child support. They always side with the mother. I'm going to win the Super Bowl and drive off in a Hyundai. Of course there would be food involved in there somewhere. In your case, it'd be roasting hotdogs over the bonfire. That's your dream, isn't it? Having your every move watched and scrutinized is probably a pain. Sure, I'm in the public eye, but athletes don't have to deal with it nearly as much as you guys in the entertainment business do. It's a little odd people think your business is their business. I give you all props for dealing with it on a regular business and going off like Britney did with that umbrella. We can talk about my divorce, I don't mind. Liv and I rushed into marriage, but not the way one would think. We dated for years before, broke up because she wanted marriage and I didn't at that point. When we reconnected, she didn't trust me and we were not exclusively dating. Finally, we got back together and I proposed right away, rather than taking our time and seeing how things worked out this time around. I didn't want to lose her, so I figured that was the best bet. I didn't do it for pity or to tie her down, though. I really did want to marry her at the time. It wasn't a last straw thing that lead me to realizing a divorce was needed. It was rushing into things, the lack of trust, the lack of communication. She also wanted her career and didn't want to be slowed down. I think she realized playing wife in Wisconsin would lead to that. Sometimes things don't work out and it sucks, but that's life. Do you want to set the record straight on the topic of Lincoln's father and why you've decided to do everything at your own speed? If not, you can answer a question like, say... who's your favorite quarterback?

Emmy: Of course you'd think it's hilarious--such a dick! Oh, wait, hey, ya think? Maybe I should try and get that, then. Couple more bucks in my pocket--not bad. Ha! That is my dream, you know me well! It really is. A lot of people think just because I'm on a show or a movie or whatever--that my personal life should be open to the world, and it's just so crazy to me. I mean, I go to the same Whole Foods at least once a week and there's always this one cashier I see. Because I see them on a weekly basis, does this mean I should have access to all of his personal business--like what the fuck? That makes sense. I mean, it was what felt right at the time--but when it stops feeling right well--there's usually a reason for it. You guys were smart in not letting it go on for a long time like some people do. Set the record straight? Hm...I dunno? I feel like I've been as open about the whole situation as I could. Am I proud of the way things turned out--am I happy Linc might not know who his dad is? No. But...I lived my life a certain way--there's not much more I could do. I've reached out, others have reached out, DNA tests have been taken...here's the thing. My father wanted nothing to do with me or my mom when he found out she was pregnant. I don't want to force someone to be in Linc's life if they don't want to be. When I had him, and for the end of my pregnancy--it was public. The ones out there now know who they are--and if they wanna step up and take a DNA test, they can...I'm not going to force them, though. It's not like I'm lacking for anything--I can provide. So. Yeah. PS my favorite QB is Brett Favre. What's your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? Could be music, tv--whatever!

Aaron: Are you dating this cashier? You're starting rumors about yourself now. Exclusive: Emmy Rossum is dating Whole Food cashier! Exactly, I thought marriage was what she wanted and I didn't really give it any time before popping the question. You live and learn. I'm not sure if my marriage lasted longer than Kim K's. That's understandable - you also know what's best for Linc. You wouldn't force him to have a father in his life and deal with the disappointment if the man didn't want to be involved. He obviously has a good support system with you and you're more than financially stable to provide. Not many would look at the whole thing your way, but it's a good way of approaching it. My embarrassing guilty pleasure? Chick flicks and reality shows, but I'm not embarrassed by it. I don't try to hide it or anything. The Kardashians are annoying as hell, but their show is hilarious sometimes. Team Taylor, by the way. Speaking of Taylor and her feuds, do you have any feuds with a fellow celebrity? Or is there someone you just cannot stand?

Emmy: Yes. His name is Norm, we're very much in love. Can't ever say Emmy Rossum discriminates when it comes to dating. That's all just part of life though, isn't it? You have to go through the shit to learn from your mistakes. We'll have to google it. I'm pretty sure you at least beat your birthday rival, so there's that. Exactly. I didn't have a father and quite frankly, I think I ended up fine. Would I ever try and ban his father from his life, if they came forward and wanted to be an active part? No. But I also think I've made all of this fairly clear--so if they want to go through it all--they can. I didn't really know how else to do it, ya know? Thanks, I appreciate that a lot, actually. Oh yeah? Well what's your favorite chick flick then? Be more specific, come on! Ha, no, no. I've never had a celebrity beef. I like to think I get along with pretty much everyone--I think I'm pretty easy going. At least I try to be. I'm kind of over the whole Kardashian thing if we're being honest. Sorry, I know you just said they're your fave--but it's the truth! I just don't really get the whole craze, I dunno--maybe I'm just getting old.

Aaron: Norm. He sounds like an older man or a scientist. Is he working at Whole Foods while paying his way through school? Britney only lasted a few hours, right? I can relate in a way to the no father thing. He was around growing up but in the past few years, my family and I lost touch. People who watched the Bachelorette know all about that. I never really commented on it because I wasn't about to air my family's dirty laundry like my brother did on national television. Shit happens. My favorite chick flick is Pretty Woman, because it's a classic, and How To Lose A Guy in Ten Days. Great movies. Oh, I don't understand the Kardashian thing either. They're definitely not my favorite, it's just fun to watch a trainwreck. Plus, Scott Disick is one funny guy, especially when he's calling them all out. We should probably wrap this up, yeah? What do you want your legacy to be? What do you want to be remembered for?

Emmy: He's in school to be a scientist, how did you know?!? I think so, yeah. I didn't know that about you--I knew about your brother, not about the rest though. There's a difference between being open and honest with the public and media, and still maintaining some private life, I think. Its a balance, and sometimes outsiders don't get that. Those are good ones, you chose wisely, I approve. It really baffles me but I guess people just like watching a train wreck sometimes to feel better about themselves? I know I've had people come up to me and thank me for the Gallaghers for being such fuck ups. Makes them feel better about their families I guess. That's a good question! I want to be remembered for this interview, of course! It will be my legacy. I'm going to be unoriginal and ask you the same for the last question. Back to you, Aaron!

Aaron: I think we go to the same Whole Foods. Balance, for sure, but also, I'm a football player. As long as I'm not getting arrested or dating someone famous, people don't tend to care about me further than the football field. Dating Candice and Olivia definitely made my personal life a little less private. To feel better about themselves, to watch a mindless show where you can just switch your brain off after a long day. Those reality shows are not like Homeland where you have to pay attention and keep up, that's for sure. Can I be unoriginal and say same? #Same. Maybe be remembered for my wit or sense of humor. Or my Hail Mary's. Everyone loves a good Hail Mary, especially Packers fans. Anyway, this was fun. We either gave people some good, nonwholesome entertainment, or annoyed the hell out of them. Either way, I feel good about it.

Emmy: Ya think? Don't tell Norm I told you about us, we're trying to keep it on the downlow, I don't want to scare him off. Yeah, that makes sense. So basically as long as you date a nobody next, you'll be fine! We're going to go down for this interview, and you know what Aaron Rogers? I'm okay with that! Plus, maybe your Hail Mary's. Could be worse. Could be remembered for dick pics or something. This was super enlightening. We should make this a yearly thing or something--maybe a web series--who knows? The possibilities are endless at this point! But thanks for sitting down and talking to me, it was enlightening, to say the very least.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior’s Top 25 of 2019

This was such a good year for movies. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The amount of good or great movies and the amount of variety among the better movies made it hard to know where to cut off my annual top 25 and to which movies to give “Honorable Mentions” instead. As has always been the case, I make an effort to see the better movies two or sometimes even three times before deciding where they place, and that was the case with most of the movies below.

There have been quite a few years where I haven’t rewarded a single movie a 10 out of 10, and this year, there are FOUR! Even so, 2019 will forever be known as the year I started to appreciate and even love the music of Elton John and George Michael, although only one of those movies made my list.  Just a reminder that this is a list of my favorite movies of the year and it’s based solely on my own opinion. If you don’t like one of the movies on my list that’s fine – it’s your prerogative – but if there’s something you may have missed and you check it out based on inclusion here and you like it, then please let me know!

Also, if you just want to peruse everything that I wrote this year, you can find all of it at my Weekend Warrior Blog.

25. Wild Rose (NEON)

I’d be remiss if I ignored this wonderful film directed by Tom Harper that premiered at the Toronto Film Festival in 2018 but finally was released this year. It stars Jessie Buckley as a Glaswegian country singer, a single mother freshly released from prison who just can’t get her act together, even though she is a terrific singer with a real passion for country music.  Buckley is such a revelation in the role, and I just loved the songs written for the movie, and I’m not even remotely a fan of country music. (So I guess that’s a third type of music I began to appreciate this year.)

24. Fighting with my Family (U.A. Releasing)

Another terrific and nearly forgotten film this year was this wrestling biopic about WWE superstar Paige, as played by Florence Pugh (she’s gotta be this year’s actor of the year, right?). Written and directed by Stephen Merchant and co-produced by Dwayne Johnson, Paige’s story really is pretty fantastic, as you follow her trying to make her way in the WWE where she’s nothing like the other women wrestlers. The movie was warm and funny and not at all what you’d expect from a WWE Films movie, but it’s definitely the studio’s finest work to date.

MY REVIEW

23. Plus One (RLJE Films)

One of the nicer surprises out of Tribeca this year was this twist on the rom-com by filmmakers Jeff Chan and Andrew Rhymer, starring Jack Quaid and Maya Erskine as two best friends who decide to attend all their weddings together to act as wingmen to help each other hook up. It’s a plan that works out well at first but starts to falter once they realize they might have feelings for each other. It’s classic rom-com territory but the movie is hilarious (Erskine is an absolute gem!) and you’re on board even when it goes to somewhat predicable places. (Some of the wedding speeches given by Jon Bass, Beck Bennett are particularly funny.) This is a movie that I’m bummed I haven’t had a chance to see a second or third time, as I’m sure it might be higher up on my year end list if I had.

22. Spider-Man: Far from Home (Sony)

You can’t argue when the fans are right but when Kevin Feige and Marvel Studios came on board to produce Spider-Man: Homecoming, it actually was pretty good and you had to have confidence they could make a sequel just as good or better. There was a lot to love about this one including the decision to take Spider-Man out of New York, which makes sense when you realize all the space-faring he’d been doing in Infinity War and Endgame. Then there was Jake Gyllenhaal as “Mysterio,” a fun and twisty take on the classic Spider-Man villain that also allowed director Jon Watts to play with some of the ideas introduced in Avengers: Endgame, while also giving Samuel Jackson’s Nick Fury more to do than he has in many movies. I can’t wait to see what Tom Holland’s Spider-Man gets up to next!

MY REVIEW

21. One Cut of the Dead (Shudder)

The Japanese META zombie movie that’s been winding its way through the genre festival circuit for most of the past year, it’s an amazing bit of mind-fuckery where you think it’s merely about a zombie attack on a low budget movie but as we learn after the first 30 minutes, there’s a lot more going on than what seems… and that’s about all I can say, because it’s the kind of movie that’s more amazing when you go in not knowing what’s happening. And yet, you probably should know that there’s a lot more going on since the first 30 minutes on their own aren’t very good.

20. The Irishman (Netflix)

Don’t get me wrong. I really liked and appreciated Martin Scorsese’s reunion with De Niro and Pesci, as well as their pairing with Al Pacino to tell the story of the man responsible for the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa, but just not as much as other movies. Granted, Scorsese continues to be one of the best filmmakers working today but it did feel like he and De Niro were returning to familiar and popular territory to try to claim back their cinematic throne. I guess it worked, because The Irishman is a great film, and heck, I’d watch it a thousand more times on Netflix if I didn’t have other things to watch.

MY REVIEW

19. Little Women (Sony)

I just wrote about Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Louisa May Alcott last week, and I’m probably more surprised by most about how how much I loved this movie, maybe even more than Lady Bird. Those performances by Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh and Timothée Chalamet just makes this film so wonderful at times and heartbreaking at others. It’s always been a great story but Gerwig found an original way into it that made it a wonderful follow-up to Lady Bird.

18. Sword of Trust (IFC Films)

I’ve been a Lynn Shelton stan for a number of years now, mostly from Your Sister’s Sister, but I generally like much of her work, whether it’s all improvised like that one and Humpday, or scripted like her pairing with Jay Duplass for Outside In. This one was really special, as it paired her with her Glow star Marc Maron and a trio of really great actors to bounce off of, including Jillian Bell and Michaela Watkins (from the almost equally great Brittany Runs a Marathon), as well as Jon Bass. The interaction and improvisation between these four actors as they deal with a sword from the Civil War with a controversial past makes this one of Shelton’s more entertaining movies, deserving of its placement in my year-end list.

Thoughts from My Column

17. Good Boys (Universal)

You’ll notice that I have quite a few comedies on my Top 25 this year, and that shouldn’t be a surprise for anyone who has read my reviews over the years. I love comedies and I love to laugh, and this high concept comedy about three 6thgraders, one of them played by Jacob Tremblay, just cracked me up so much. No surprise that it’s from the mega-comedy-kings Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, who produced this movie from the team of Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg, who are best known for “The Office” and a number of not-so-great comedy hits like Bad Teacher. Like Booksmart (see below), this one involved a fairly simple all-in-day quest by the three main characters but it led to some absolutely hilarious situations. Totally reminded me of myself when I was their age. Can’t wait to see what Brady Noon and Keith L. Williams get up to next as they’re amazing.

16. Late Night (Amazon)

While Mindy Kaling’s feature film might have come out of the whole SJW virtue signaling movements that surfaced post-Trump, her movie loosely, based on her own experiences working on the staff at a late night show, was a beautifully insightful look into the business. It starred Emma Thompson as veteran late night host Katherine Newbury, who is forced into diversifying her writing crew by hiring the less-than-experienced Molly (Kaling’s character). Over the next few months, Molly tries to make her way through the ins and outs of writing for late night, dealing with sexism and even some racism, even from Newbury.  Unlike the recent Bombshell, this is a comedy and both Kaling and Thompson were both terrific, to the point that it was a bummer that Amazon decided not to give this any sort of awards push by sending out screeners with some of their other movies.

MY REVIEW

15. Peterloo (Amazon)

While I’ve been a fan of filmmaker Mike Leigh almost as long as I’ve been writing about movies, I always seem to be in the minority when I’m not as into some of the movies my fellow critics love (like Mr. Turner), but this amazing movie about the political climate of England in the 16thCentury and the violence spurred on by a peaceful protest is an amazing bit of writing/directing by the British master. This is another movie that I wish got a lot more attention because the writing and cast were so good, and it just seemed to come and go without much fanfare. A real shame.

MY REVIEW

14. Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood (Sony)

I probably won’t have too much to add about Tarantino’s movie beyond my earlier review, but this is a movie that I liked quite a bit the first time and even more the second time I saw it.  It’s just a fun portrait of Hollywood in 1969 through the eyes of a filmmaker who was six years old at the time. The performances by Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie drove this film about what it was like trying to make a living as an actor in the climate of the late ‘60s with peace and love… and brutal murder in the form of the Manson Family. And yet, Tarantino found a way to give the Sharon Tate story a happy ending. Go figure.

MY REVIEW

13. Pain and Glory (Sony Pictures Classics)

Pedro Amodovar has been a bit hit or miss in recent years, so seeing him reunite with his regulars Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz to write his best (and possibly most personal?) screenplay to date made Pain and Gloryone of the year’s nice surprises. Despite doing a lot of questionable movies in recent years, Banderas once again proved his worth as an actor, giving a performance as a has-been director that hopefully will get him his very first Oscar nomination.

12. First Love (Go West USA)

Another filmmaker whose work I’ve loved but who has also made some real dogs is Japan’s Takashi Miike. His latest take on the crime genre ended up being one of his best movies in twenty years. It may even be better than Audition, which celebrated its 20thanniversary this year. It’s a simple story of a young Japanese boxer who encounters a young woman who has been sold into sex slavery, but in helping her to escape, they get caught up in a gang war that includes some of the craziest characters to ever appear in a Miike movie. But as the title says, this is a love story more than anything, and that helped Miike prove that he has not gone soft, but still knows what it means to be human.

11. The Two Popes (Netflix)

I just wrote about this dramatic two-hander, written by Anthony McCarten and directed by Fernando Meirelles (City of God), last week, after putting it off for far too long. (It’s hard to get inspired to write reviews of movies when you’re not being paid to do so, let me tell you.) It’s an amazing film about the relationship between Popes Benedict and Francis, as played by Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Pryce. While you wonder how McCarten researched a movie between two very private public figures, neither of whom have written about this meeting, this is another great film from Netflix this year that’s proving that the studio is not going away and it’s going to produce quality films as great as the big boys.

10. Avengers: Endgame (Marvel Studios)

It shouldn’t be too big a surprise that a Marvel movie has made my top 10, as there have been others, like last year’s Ant Man and the Wasp, Iron Man, Thor, Guardians of the Galaxy. Oddly, only one of the three Russo Brothers movies made my list – Captain America: The Winter Soldier – but with Avengers: Endgame, they managed to create a culmination of everything that’s come before but also made a Marvel movie that is the most like the Avengers comics I love, even to the point of having various members going off on their own missions. I’ve seen this movie three or four times now, and I still love some of the big moments like Captain America stating, “Avengers Assemble!” (finally) and this more than made up for Infinity War, which was good but not great.

9. Waves (A24)

A rather late addition to my year’s best is the new movie from Trey Edward Schutts, which delivered another amazing performance by Kelvin Harrison, Jr, who was also fantastic as the little-seen drama, Luce. The energy Schutts gives the movie with the use of music is fantastic, but it’s just an interesting character portrait that halfway through, throws you for a major loop before switching gears to follow the characters played by Lucas Hedges and the equally talented Taylor Russell. And then on top of that, you have Sterling K. Brown giving a moving performance as Harrison and Russell’s characters, who just doesn’t know how to deal with what’s going on with his family. There have been some great teen coming-of-age dramas over the years but Waves is one for the ages.

8. Book Smart (UA Releasing)

Olivia Wilde’s directorial debut has been compared both favorably (and sometimes unfavorably) to a female Superbad, but I think a better comparison would be a modern-day Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Like Good Boys, it was a single night movie where two best friends (Beanie Feldstein, Kaitly Dever) decide to spend their last night in high school rebelling against their overly studios nature by going out to a party and have fun. What happens to them and the crazy characters they interact with makes this one of the funniest movies of the year. What was really amazing, besides the entire cast, was that I could watch this movie and see stuff that would have happened in my own high school days (which was more in the Ridgemont High days), and to see that high school just doesn’t change despite the technology and all the different standards and morals that come along.  Wilde is one filmmaker who I can’t wait to see what she does next and same for her entire cast. I’ve been saying since seeing this that I’d love to see Wilde do another movie with the exact same cast, all of them playing different characters, as I think we’ll see that these actors can do anything.

7. Yesterday (Universal)

Here’s a surprise for you all, but again, if you realize how many Danny Boyle movies have been in my top 10 over the years, you’ll know what a big fan I am of the Oscar-winning filmmaker. Teaming him with Richard Curtis for a high concept comedy where the world has forgotten the Beatles’ music and a young busker named Jack (Himesh Patel) who remembers them starts to make a career for himself by claiming the music as his own. I loved the lead, but it was especially his friendship/romance with Lily James’ Ellie Appleton that made me love this movie enough to put it in my top 10.

6. Marriage Story (Netflix)

While I really appreciated Noah Baumbach’s latest movie quite a bit when I first saw it at the New York Film Festival back in September, it was my rewatch on Netflix more recently that really made me appreciate what Baumbach has accomplished after nearly twenty years making movies. Granted, the movie might be seen as a bit of a downer, but you know what? Sometimes, I have to even out all the laughs and humor with something more serious.  Having a friend who went through a (far less litigious) divorce with a small child, I couldn’t help but thinking how much worse it could have been. As much as this was about Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson’s characters and the change in their relationship, it was a good lesson in how ugly things can get when lawyers get involved with Baumbach having a powerful trio in Laura Dern, Ray Liotta and the wonderful Alan Alda in those roles. This created a beautiful bookend to Baumbach’s earlier film The Squid and The Whale, based on his parents’ divorce, but this didn’t seem autobiographical as much as it showed the work of a mature filmmaker who has created his most personal and best work.

5. Knives Out (Lionsgate)

Speaking of dysfunctional family relationships, Rian Johnson’s look at the death of a wealthy mystery author’s (played by Christopher Plummer) and how his greedy family might be responsible, as investigated by Daniel Craig’s “gentleman detective” Benoit Blanc and the author’s maid, played by Ana de Armas. Besides putting a clever a spin on the ensemble whodunnit typified by the work of Agatha Christie and others, the movie was insanely funny thanks to the cast assembled by Johnson, which was literally an all-star team doing some of their funniest work. Really, there wasn’t a weak link in delivering Johnson’s best screenplay to date, and I look forward to seeing if we’ll get another movie in this realm. As with most of the movies in my Top 10, this is a movie I could see repeatedly and get more out of each time.

MY REVIEW

4. Rocketman  (Paramount)

And here it is, the Elton John movie that made me a fan of Elton John’s music after nearly 40 years of mostly shunning it. What director Dexter Fletcher and star Taron Egerton did in telling John’s story though his music, essentially creating an original jukebox musical on screen was the perfect way to frame the music and story. A lot of people compared this to last year’s Bohemian Rhapsody– which I also liked, mind you – but however much work Fletcher did to finish that movie after Bryan Singer’s firing, this was clearly something he had a clear vision of from beginning to end. This is one of the few movies I’ve seen this year three times, and I’ve been going down the Elton John rabbit hole of music ever since.

MY REVIEW

3. Ford v Ferrari (20thCentury Fox)

When I reviewed James Mangold’s Le Mans racing movie, starring Christian Bale and Matt Damon, back in October, I gave it a 9.5/10, and then I saw it again in IMAX and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I took off half a point. The movie is just about perfect.  This is such a great story and the way the action is framed by the relationship between the former’s Ken Miles and the latter’s Carol Shellby with all the other players in the mix just made the movie one that was extremely watchable. And boy, those racing scenes! I haven’t seen action that exciting in years and that includes some of the best recent action movies, including Baby Driver and some of the “Fast and Furious” movies.

MY REVIEW

2. 1917 (Universal)

This was almost my #1 because it’s such a masterful achievement in all aspects of filmmaking that it also earned a rare 10 out of 10. Granted, I’ve been a Sam Mendes fan for many, many years, and he probably has had a few movies in my top 25 over the years, most notably with his second film, The Road to Perdition, which was actually my #1 movie that year. I’ve generally followed Mendes’ career with interest with only one or two movies just not working for me, but with just eight movies in 20 years, it’s amazing that it took that long for Mendes to be back in the Oscar conversation after winning for American Beauty. Frankly, I think this is unequivocally one of the best movies of the year between the screenplay, co-written with Kristy Wilson-Cairns, and the performances by George MacKay and Dean-Charles Chapman, making it a movie that’s a wonder to marvel at how they achieved such a powerful cinematic experience to behold.

MY REVIEW

1b. The Biggest Little Farm  (NEON)

As with every year, I like to pick one documentary as my favorite and best of the year, but instead of deciding where it fares among the narrative features, I just make it a tie for #1. My favorite doc of the year was John Chester’s movie about show he and his wife Molly decided to move out to a farm and try to get it work fiscally despite tons of issues, some they could control, others they couldn’t. While I also liked Apollo 11, and I’m sure that will win the Oscar, the way Chester told this story was done in such a wonderful way that it was far more enjoyable and entertaining than most docs. (And as you know, I do LOVE docs!)

1a. The Farewell (A24)

This should come as no surprise to anyone who has followed me on Twitter, where Lulu Wang’s China-set dramedy has been my profile picture almost since I first saw it in June – I’ve seen it three more times since then, each then having the same emotional reaction. Based on a story from Wang’s own life, it stars Awkwafina as Billi a poor starving New York artist who travels to China when she learns her Nana (the terrific Chinese veteran actor Shuzhen Zhao) was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her family has decided not to tell Nana that she may be dying, but they all return to Mainland China under the guise of a wedding for Billi’s cousin, but she knows the truth and has to skirt around while trying to spend possibly her last time with her beloved Nana. The movie was emotional but also quite amusing and entertaining, really showing what life in China is like in a way that was far more personal and human than last year’s Crazy Rich Asians i.e. that was more fantasy than this movie’s reality.

Some More Thoughts

Honorable Mentions: Motherless Brooklyn, Les Miserables, Honey Boy, Long Shot, Toy Story 4, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (As I said above, it was tough to leave a couple of these out of my top 25.)

Top 12 Docs

Not going to write too much about all of these but this was a pretty fantastic year for docs, and if you have a chance to watch any of the below, I would jump on it, especially since some of them barely got a theatrical release.

1. The Biggest Little Farm

2. Apollo 11

3. The Cave

4. WRESTLE

5. Linda Ronstadt: The Sound of My Voice

6. Marianne and Leonard: Words of Love

7. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am

8. 63 Up

9. Agnès on Varda

10. One Child Nation

11. Be Natural: The Untold Story of Alice Guy

12. Love, Antosha

I used to do a TERRIBLE 25 as a separate thing, but this year, I’m just going to list six movies, although a few of these I saw so long ago, I barely remember why they sucked so bad.

In fact, Jeffrey Nachmanoff’s REPLICAS was one of the first movies released in 2019 picked up by Entertainment Studios from TIFF the year before. It’s funny how much love Keanu Reeves got this year for John Wick: Chapter Three and other stuff, but everyone seemed to completely forget that he started the year with this stupid high concept sci-fi thriller about a man obsessed with bringing his family back from the dead.

Also, not many people saw Joe Chappelle’s AN ACCEPTABLE LOSS, which opened just a week after Replicas, but it was a political thriller starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Tika Sumpter that was so poorly written and so boring that I felt bad for Sumpter, who was giving her all.

I probably have said as much as much about Tom Hooper’s CATS as I plan to – you can read my review over at The Beat– but it’s also the most recent of this year’s bad movies, so it’s the freshest on my mind on how awful it was. I’m not going to pile on any further.

It’s been a while since I saw Tim Story’s SHAFT sequel/reboot, and as excited I was to see Samuel L. Jackson and Richard Roundtree back in the role, it’s Jessie T. Usher’s presence as John Shaft, Jr, meant to be the main running gag of the action-comedy that made it one of the worst movies of the year.

Another remake that really didn’t need to happen was this Neil Marshall remake of HELLBOY, and sure, maybe I was a bit biased, having loved Guillermo del Toro’s movies, particularly Hellboy: The Golden Army, but this just wasn’t a good movie as hard as it seemed to try. (You can read my review of that here.)

And yet, that wasn’t even the worst movie of the year. No, that would be Rob Zombie’s 3 FROM HELL, a movie so abhorrible that I couldn’t believe what I was watching. I called it the “worst movie of the year” back in September, and that sentiment didn’t change.

Before we wrap things up, here are some of my favorite records of the year. You may have heard of a few of them. Maybe not others? Most of them should be on Spotify.

1. Smiley’s Friends - In the Sixth Sense

2. Kevin So - S.O.U.L.

3. Pixies - Beyond the Eire

4. The Alarm - Sigma

5. Silversun Pickups - Widow’s Weeds

Best concert of the year? Easy one. Dave Mason’s Saucerful of Secrets with my buddy Jonathan Baylis when former Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters shows up to perform one of the classic Pink Floyd songs! Possibly one of the best concert moments of the last couple decades!

That’s it for 2019... onto 2020!

[deservebetterfanfiction]

Chapter Twelve

“Have I told you how great you look tonight?” asked Kit as we walked hand in hand down the street, my high heels clicking against the pavement.

“Yes. Three times.” I smiled.

“Well let me make it a fourth, you look amazing.” He told me as he squeezed my hand.

“Stop it! Or my head will get so big, I won’t be able to fit through the door.” I smiled.

I was wearing my newly acquired dress that actually looked like a top a olive green, long sleeved, lace top and a black silk skirt with a pair of black heels that had bows on the end of them. I wore my hair out and paired the whole outfit with my favourite bright red lips clutch. I even painted my own lips red to match my clutch.

It was a rare sight to see me in a dress. A fact Kit was well aware of and he seemed unable to keep his hands off me the entire night; pulling me close as we walked and nuzzling my neck.

“Stop it.” I said as I squirmed away from him.

“I can’t help it. Your irresistible.” He smiled as he pulled me close again.

I giggled as he held me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder, his nose skimmed the shell of my ear before he captured my earlobe in his mouth and tugged gently.

“Kit!” I complained, giggling as I pulled away, “Come on, we’re here!” I said, gesturing to the restaurant in front of us.

He released all of me but my hand as we headed inside.

Chiltern Fire house was in a fancy part of town but I quickly saw where the restaurant got its name as it was in a vintage Victorian-gothic fire brigade building.

As the staffs greeted us with an aura of professionalism and sincerity that I suspected was uniformly drilled into them, I was too busy wondering how much of what they said was scripted that I almost missed the fact that we were apparently joining a party of twenty-six.

“Twenty-six people? Seriously?” I asked as we walked through the restaurant, I was sure I spied Cara Delevingne and Margot Robbie at a nearby table.

“One for every year he’s been alive.” He smiled.

It was only then it occurred to me to ask who this friend was when we came to the table and I saw none other than John Bradley was sitting at the head of the table wearing a little party hat that said ‘birthday boy’. I then looked around the table and saw that apart from Hannah Murray, I didn’t know anyone else at the table.

“Kit! Thanks for coming!” said John as he stood up and pulled Kit into a brief hug, he turned to me and smiled, “Agnes, thanks for coming.”

“Your welcome. Happy Birthday.” I smiled.

“Come, sit, mingle.” He encouraged.

There were two spare seats, one next to Hannah, which I quickly took as Kit sat down on my other side, “Hey, nice to see you again.” I greeted.

“You too.” She smiled.

“Right so you know Hannah,” said Kit, taking charge this is, “Dylan, Keira, Amy, Declan, Paul, Rosemond, Ben…”

He went around and introduced me to everyone at the table stating, quite proudly to all twenty-four of them, “This is Agnes, my girlfriend.”

Everyone greeted me warming and I chatted to a few of the other girls about how Kit and I had met and how long we had been dating. Kit held my hand under the table the whole time, our joined hands resting on my knee.

I was so preoccupied with talking to Rosamunde that it took me a moment to realize Kit had released my hand and was tracing patterns on the bare skin of my knee before his hand slowly slid up my skirt.

I jumped at the contact and turned to look at him in alarm, he simply smiled innocently, as if he had been caught by an adult doing something he knew he shouldn’t do but wouldn’t be punished for.

I gritted my teeth and looked down at his hand pointedly for a moment before I locked eyes with him once again.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“You want to lose that?” I asked quietly.

“Lose what?” he grinned teasingly.

To illustrate my point, I brought my knees together, trapping his hand inside my thighs.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish.” He teased.

“Oh I can finish this alright,” I said as I squeezed my thighs together and he winced slightly. I knew I’d won then, “Keep your hands to yourself.” I warned before I opened my legs slightly so he could pull his hand out.

He pouted unhappily as he placed both his hand back on the table, “Mean.” He pouted.

“Bite me.” I replied.

“I will. Later.” He promised.

I opened my mouth to respond but Rosamunde had been watching our entire exchange and had, thankfully, interpreted it in an innocent way.

“Look at you two. So in love.” She sighed.

It was a little while before I had a spare moment to look at the menu, which was just as the waiter arrived and was taking everyone else’s order.

“Pan Roast Chicken with liver parfait and kale pesto?” I read over Kit’s shoulder, “Seriously?”

“Don’t knock it until you try it.” He grinned.

“I’ll take your word for it. I think I’m going to go the only safe option and get the Aged Beef Fillet.” I replied.

“You’re so boring. Live a little.” He said, smiling as a teasing glint came into his eye.

I rolled my eyes dramatically, “Fine, I’ll try the Maple Glazed Salmon. It sounds Canadian and most of their food is good.”

He shook his head in amusement as it came time to order. It was only after I said that I was going to have the salmon that Kit told the waiter that he would have the Aged Beef.

“Hey! You just told me off for being boring when you ordered it.” I complained.

“Yeah but, I’m me. I’m allowed to be boring.” He grinned.

“I want a bite of that steak.” I told him seriously.

“No way! I’m not sharing. You should have ordered it.” He said simply.

“Your so mean!” I grinned, “I’ll share my salmon.”

“Please. I don’t want your salmon.” He dismissed.

I laughed in amusement.

I did end up stealing a bite of Kit’s beef fillet and it tasted amazing, “If we ever come back here, that’s what I’m ordering.” I told him.

I enjoyed the night, meeting and talking to new people. The whole affair felt like a normal birthday party, if a little fancier than I was used to, but it was good. No one in the restaurant seemed to care who Kit, John and Hannah were, I guessed they were used to having such VIP guests.

At the end of the night I left with a few new friends on Facebook and aching feet from wearing my heels too long.

As Kit and myself climbed into bad that night, I was exhausted but Kit seemed to want to chat a little before we actually fell asleep.

“How did you like tonight?” he asked conversationally as he wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest.

“It was good. It was good to see Hannah and John again. And to meet some of your other friends. Rosemond is really nice.” I told him.

“Yeah, she liked you. They all did.” He replied.

I smiled sleepily as I closed my eyes. I could just feel my body starting to relax as sleep slowly crept into all my muscles when Kit suddenly spoke again, “I’ve been thinking.” He began.

“Uh oh.” I commented.

“I was thinking…” he began trailing off.

“Yes?” I prompted.

“Well, you like London right?” he asked, seeming to choose his words carefully.

“I love London.” I told him.

“Right well, there are some really great opportunities here,” he began, hesitating slightly with each word, “For singers I mean. There are some great schools, choirs, record companies and all that.”

“Okay?” I asked, failing to see where he was going with this.

“Well I was just thinking, there’s nothing really holding you in Belfast anymore. And I was thinking…” he trailed off.

“Yes?” I encouraged.

“I was thinking you could move to London.” He said, the words coming out in a rush.

I was so shocked that I almost missed the last part of his proposal.

“With me.” He added quickly.

I blinked in shock; I wasn’t sure what I had expected him to say, but asking me to move to London with him was not even in my top one-hundred predicted answers. I thought maybe he was thinking of extending out trip a few days, something like that.

Never had I dreamed that he would actually ask me to move to London with him!

                                                    …

“What do you mean you told him you’d think about it? What is there to think about?!” demanded James as I swept up some hair.

“I can’t just up and leave! I have a job here.” I said, pointing over to Margaret, who was counting the money in the till.

“Don’t use me as an excuse.” She replied flatly, not taking her eyes off the money in her hand.

“Exactly. You can get a job as a hair dresser anywhere. Even in London.” Said James pointedly, “And you don’t even like hairdressing.” He added.

“That’s not true.” I disagreed.

“Yeah it is.” He fired back.

“Yes it is.” Added Margaret.

I turned to look at her in shock and she finally looked up from counting the money, “Honey, you’re a good hairdresser, but your hearts not in it.” She said simply.

“That’s not true. My heart is definitely in it.” I defended.

“No, it’s not. Which doesn’t bother me. You’re a good worker so what do I care?” she asked with a shrug of her shoulders, “But I can see this job is just a way for you to pay bills. It’s not what you really want to be doing.”

“Exactly!” agreed James, “Working a job you hate just to pay the bills is what your thirties are for. Your twenties are for chasing your dreams, going after what you want…” he said wistfully.

“And living on two minute noodles?” I added.

“Yes.” He said, seeming to find nothing wrong with that statement.

“Okay,” I agreed reluctantly, “But there’s other things to worry about.”

“Like what?” he demanded.

“James, he practically asked me to move in with him! We’ve only been dating, like, two months.”  I told him.

“So?” he asked incredulously, “The guy knows what he wants. And you guys are practically living together nowadays anyway.”

“Temporarily.” I corrected.

“Fine.” He allowed, “So tell him you’re not ready to move in together. But you should definitely still move to London.” He told me.

“And do what?”

“Whatever you want! Work in another hair salon, join a choir, travel, take singing lessons, take dance lessons, learn an instrument. Anything! The possibilities are endless!” he told me, throwing his hands up into the air dramatically, “Oh I can see it now…”

“See what now?”

“You and me with our own little flat in London. Having people over during the week and jetting off around Europe on the weekends. It would be brilliant.” He sighed dreamily.

I rolled my eyes as I continued to sweep up the remaining hair.

“You and Kit together. Me getting to live vicariously through you when he takes you to the Emmy’s and the Golden Globes and the SAG awards…” he trailed off.

I shook my head, “Your delusional. Kit would never take me to things like that.” I dismissed.

“The guy wants to move in with you. He’s obviously crazy about you. Or did you think you were just that good in the sack?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Honestly, I hadn’t given much thought to what this thing between us would be when he finished filming Thrones and went back to London.” I revealed.

“You have to go with him.” He said decidedly, “What are you going to do instead?”

I sighed, he had a point. Now that I and I were together, I was loathed to consider an outcome in which we broke up or weren’t able to spend as much time together as possible, but, what other option was there?

“I don’t know.” I said honestly.  

“I do.” He said seriously, “you’ll do the long distance thing, try to make it work, but then one of you will get bored of phone sex, probably you, and then you’ll go over to London to see him early, only to walk in and find him sleeping with someone else! Bang! Crash! Fairy-tale romance over!” he declared.

“And in this soap opera version of events, is the girl who Kit is cheating on me with actually my evil twin?” I asked.

“Please, honey in my soap opera, he’s cheating on you with me.” He said pointedly.

I had to laugh at that.

“I’ve even been thinking of Kit and mines celebrity couple name, I go back and fourth between Jit of Kames.” He smiled.

“I see and who am I in this fairy-tale?” I asked sarcastically.

“The loveable side-kick who is maid of honour at our wedding.” He grinned.

I shook my head in amusement.

“I’m serious though. You and Kit are like my very own shipper couple! My OTP! I am captain of the Kagnes ship.” He said dramatically.

“Kagnes?” I questioned.

“It was either that or Agit.” He shrugged.

I rolled my eyes and went back to sweeping.

“You’re the plus size girl that the celebrity falls for. Don’t ruin my dream honey! Don’t sink my ship! Move to London with him. You gotta.” He practically pleaded.

“I thought your dream was to marry Kit?” I questioned him.

“We both know that Kit prefers taco to sausage. So if I can’t be with him, I want you to be. And I want a front row seat to your happiness.” He said.

I focused on my sweeping.

“Just think about it. You and me living in London babes! How cool would that be?” he said happily.

“Your forgetting a pretty big problem.” I said as I leaned against the broom handle.

“What’s that?”

“My Dad.”

“Oh. That.” He said flatly, his face falling, “I thought you had made up your mind about him?”

“Refusing to indulge his drinking habits is one thing. Moving out of town and leaving him completely on his own is another.” I told him seriously.

“He’s done alright on his own.” Said James dismissively, “In fact, he’s barely even noticed you’ve been gone he’s been so wasted this entire time.”

I tried not to show it on my face but hearing that my father didn’t even notice I was gone hurt a little.

“The worst thing that’s happened is he’s been thrown out of a few bars and there’s been no one to pick him up. He slept outside a few nights. Big deal. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.” He said seriously.

I sighed tiredly, he had a point.

If my father truly didn’t need me, there was nothing keeping me in Belfast. So why did I insist on staying when there was a better offer on the table?

                                                     …

That question nagged at me all night.

I was quietly thoughtful all night. The television was on and we were both watching it, but I could not even tell you what show we had been watching I was so distracted by my thoughts.

I had hoped having a shower would clear my head enough before I went to bed that night that I would sleep soundly, but as I climbed into bed, I was still turning the question over in my mind.

When I closed my eyes, and tried to sleep, that question kept echoing in my head repeatedly and I couldn’t get it to stop!

I was so preoccupied with the question that I knew I was never going to be able to get to sleep. I would simply lie in bed all night next to Kit, who was already emitting little snores, fast asleep.

Feeling rather aggravated I quietly got out of bed, pulled on a jacket and went and sat out on the balcony to Kit’s room to think.

It was late November, so the weather was getting quite chilly. I suspected we might even get some snow later in the week. I really shouldn’t have been out there dressed only in my underwear, t-shirt and a coat that did nothing to shield the bare skin of my legs from the elements. But I needed to get out of the room. I needed to think clearly.

I lit a cigarette to not only keep me warm but to deliver some well needed stress relief. I had to find a solution to the question that had been plaguing my mind ever since Kit and I had gotten back from London.

Taking a long drag from the cigarette, letting the smoke fill my lungs, I thought over the question with a somewhat clearer head.

The truth was, I knew I already had my answer, but I was trying desperately to change that answer because I didn’t like it. The answer was nothing.

There was absolutely nothing holding me to Belfast anymore. My father did not need me. He had been functioning quite well all on his own ever since I’d left that night. It seemed fate was finally offering me the opportunity to live my life the way I wanted to once more.

But I had been living my life for others for so long, I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that anymore.

I’d barely gotten halfway through my cigarette when the door to the balcony slid open and I looked up to see Kit, standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his pyjama bottoms, “Hey.” He greeted, his voice thick with sleep as he pushed his hair out from his eyes, peering down at me.  

“Hey.” I said quietly, “Don’t come out. Its cold out here.”

“I’m well aware of that.” He said as he stepped out onto the balcony, looking down at me with concern, “So why are you out here freezing your ass off instead of in bed where its warm?” he asked.

“I couldn’t sleep.” I said honestly.

“Why?”

“Thinking.”

“About what?”

“London.”

That caught his attention as he sighed and sat down in the chair opposite me. He had not brought the topic up with me, but I knew he had been thinking about it. How could he not be? A guy did not ask a girl to move in with him just on a whim.

Now that we were broaching the subject again, however, he seemed a little hesitant, nervous almost, “And have you come to any decisions.”

“Yes.” I replied reluctantly.

He nodded, as if he expected that much, “So what’s the problem?”

“I’m just worried about us. If we’re moving too fast or anything.” I fretted out loud.

“If we’re moving too fast, we can slow things down.” He assured me, “But Agnes,” he said as he reached out and grabbed my free hand, holding it with both of his own, “You don’t have to do this for me. I’ve made long distance relationships work before. I want you to do whatever you’re comfortable with.”

In that moment, as I stared at Kit’s warm, brown, understanding and caring eyes, I knew what I had to do. There was nothing else I could really do.

“Alright.” I said so quietly I barely even heard myself over the wind.

“Alright?” he asked, sounding confused.

“Alright, I’ll move to London with you.” I said quietly.

A smile so big and genuine lit up his entire face as he realized what I had said. Seeing him so happy, I knew I had made the right decision.

[jakelace]

2016 Film Countdown: 60-51

60. Ratchet and Clank

We start day two out with another poor video game adaptation. Ratchet and Clank are characters that I personally don’t have much history with. Prior to the film I had only played the original and a few spin-offs (All 4 One anybody?) but that was it, so I wasn’t beholden to any prior conceptions of who these characters are and what sort of adventure they should tackle in their first, and now probably only, feature film. That being said, I shouldn’t have liked this film as much as I did. It is plagued by strange character developments, out of place humor, and weird vocal performances from Paul Giamatti and Sylvester Stallone. But even as a casual fan there were enough references to planets and weapons from the games that put a smile on my face, and the fact that James Arnold Taylor, David Kaye, Jim Ward, and Armin Shimerman all reprise their roles from the games is just icing on the cake. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s bad and if you aren’t a fan you’ll hate it. At least the animation is gorgeous.

59. Masterminds

It’s never a good sign when a film gets delayed significantly, and Masterminds is no exception in the slightest. What happened to Jared Hess? He started out so strong as the director of the indie hit Napoleon Dynamite, only to follow that up with Nacho Libre and a string of more mediocre films leading us to this. The film’s main problem is that it tries so painstakingly hard to be funny when it just isn’t. It follows a loose adaptation of a real life bank heist and it’s loose to the point where I’m not even sure you can say it’s based on a true story anymore. Zach Galifianakis and Kristin Wiig play our leads and try to do their best with the bad material given to them. Actually, now that I think about it, this film and The Angry Birds Movie have something in common! Other than being bad! It’s that Jason Sudeikis does his best to be the film’s saving grace. Unfortunately for him, both films are already too far gone...

58. Rules Don’t Apply

Rules Don’t Apply was a film that I was actually looking forward to. It had all the makings of a good time at the movies in my eyes. Period piece? Check. Based in Hollywood? Check. Great cast? Check. Imagine my disappointment when this didn’t come together well at all. The problem lies in that the film focuses much to hard on the late life of Howard Hughes, and not enough on the relationship that was sold to us in the trailers and promotional materials. The other complication is that it fails to be interesting past the one hour mark, but still has the nerve to continue another hour after that. It’s clear that the general movie-going audience also caught on to the film’s mistakes considering it only grossed 3.7 million dollars through its run. The high point of the film, however, is Lily Collins’ performance of the titular song.

57. Why Him?

James Franco is by far one of my favorite comedic actors. His chops in This Is The End, Pineapple Express, and even The Night Before endeared him to me, so my excitement level was quite high when I heard there would be a new film centered around him. Unfortunately, the end result is a near humorless retread of Meet the Parents through the eye of the parent (portrayed by Bryan Cranston). Its two leads are at some of their least funny and are acting below their obvious skill levels significantly. If this script had been worked by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg I’m sure they could have found the humor in such a well-worn idea, but alas, what we are left with is something too crass for children and too juvenile for adults. It leaves you questioning, “Who was this made for?”

56. Suicide Squad

Alright everybody. The charade is up. It’s time for us all to admit that this movie is bad, no, horrible even. I can admit that when I first saw it I was a hardcore Suicide Squad apologist. Most of that was due to my love for the source material outweighing the logic in my brain though. Suicide Squad, even more than just being bad, barely functions as a film. It is so obviously a mix between two tones and cuts of a picture that once you’re finished, you don’t know how you should feel, and it’s even worse not knowing who to blame for it. Should we blame DC for the half of the film that is a Guardians of the Galaxy rip-off, or should we blame David Ayer (the film’s director) for the half of the film that is dark, gritty, and glorifying of gangsters like the Joker, while also objectifying women like Margot Robbie (who plays Harley Quinn, my favorite DC villian. What have you done to her DC...what have you done?). I know, maybe we should blame the people like myself who allowed this film to make 325 million dollars at the box office. We’re a big part of the reason we don’t get good DC films...

55. Florence Foster Jenkins

I really find it hard to explain what I didn’t like about this movie. The performances are good (especially from Meryl Streep and Simon Helberg) and the direction is fine, it just felt like it was missing something. The more I think about it since it was released though, the more I think that it was just missing heart. The story alone is fine (even if the film never truly condemns the actions of St. Clair Bayfield) but by the end of the film all I was saying to myself was “That was it?”. Maybe I put too much pressure on it from the start, but Florence Foster Jenkins is a film I don’t see myself returning to even though I can appreciate the performances from its leads. 

54. Cafe Society

This movie can easily be summed up with one word: Meh. It’s decent enough I suppose, with funny and even some interesting moments, but it never does anything to pull itself out of mediocrity, and Woody Allen’s dialogue does not help it. Cafe Society follows Jesse Eisenberg’s character through the pitfalls of love, family, and business in the 1930′s. It’s main problem other than the unintentionally laughable dialogue is the fact that as a concept there just isn’t enough there to sustain it. On top of that the relationships feel hollow and unrealistic and you can’t help but wonder how Woody Allen could have fallen so far from his hit Annie Hall.

53. Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

Anyone who knows me knows that I like this movie beyond my better judgement. That’s because Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates stars my two favorite actresses (Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza) as well as two of the most likable male leads in Hollywood (Zac Efron and Adam Devine). This film is another that is loosely based on a true story, and it works out only slightly better than Masterminds. Overall, anything that our four leads do is entertaining (remember, I’m biased here) but it is actually the people around them that bring the picture down. This is mostly due to nearly every line of dialogue in the movie being improvised, and our leads are obviously very gifted in this field, especially Plaza and Devine. However, the film does fall into the same trap that R-rated comedies do and decides to go for shock value instead of actual...you know...jokes. This film is hard to recommend, but if you’re down for a completely unbalanced comedy with likable leads, this is the one for you.

52. The Jungle Book (2016)

CONTROVERSY ALERT! Everyone and their brother loved the new live-action The Jungle Book, and for the life of me I can’t see why. The 1967 animated feature is one of my favorite Disney films ever, so when I heard that they were making a live-action remake I instantly hoped that it would never come to fruition. I honestly don’t have a problem with remakes in general as long as they add something to their source material, but unfortunately, The Jungle Book feels like a retread right up until the last 15 minutes. These last 15 minutes are great however, and even the whole film up to that point is objectively good, but if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times; this film does not need to exist. Except for hearing Christopher Walken sing “I Wanna Be Like You”. That was pretty great.

51. Finding Dory

DOUBLE CONTROVERSY ALERT! Not to sound like a broken record or anything, but this movie does not need to exist. Even though it’s not a remake of Finding Nemo, it might as well have been. All of the story beats from the first film appear here again, but somehow worse. I really wanted to love this film, but something about making Dory the main character of your film just doesn’t work. She works in small doses of comedic relief, but her character alone just can’t carry a whole picture. It would be like Disney making an Olaf movie. Wait...I had better be careful before I give them any ideas. After the spectacle that was Inside Out, it’s hard to go back to a Pixar that feels just as lost and directionless Dory. Stop looking behind you Pixar and just keep swimming...

That’s all the time I have for today, but be sure to come back tomorrow when I talk about a late horror sequel, a late comedy reboot, and a late western remake...why is everybody so late?

[billyagogo]

Every Will Smith film performance, ranked

New Post has been published on https://newsprofixpro.com/moxie/2019/10/11/every-will-smith-film-performance-ranked/

Every Will Smith film performance, ranked

The Pursuit of Ranking Will Smith’s Performances

Everett Collection (2); Zade Rosenthal/Columbia Pictures

How do you rank the performances of a man who has done it all? Played the devil? Check. Played a rapping fish? Check. Played a superhero? Check. Played a cop/government agent? A lot of checks. But in honor of Will Smith’s 50th birthday, we took on the impossible task of going through all of his film roles (sorry, Fresh Prince) and coming up with the definitive ranking of his cameos, awards nominations, and franchises. Let the pursuit begin.

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31. After Earth (2013)

What else could be last? The actor himself has called the out-of-this-world flop the “most painful failure” of his career. In M. Night Shyamalan’s sci-fi film, Smith literally takes a backseat to his son Jaden, considering he’s basically just sitting immobilized throughout. The elder Smith doesn’t have to utlilize his patented charm in every film, but his performance here is next level flat, almost robot-like (He, Robot might be have been a better title).

30. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)

On paper, Will Smith playing an ESPN reporter in an Anchorman film sounds like something I dreamed up. In reality, be careful what you wish for. Not that Smith is bad, it’s just a wasted opportunity, just like the entire Anchorman 2 fight scene.

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29. Where the Day Takes You (1992)

Despite Smith already being a Grammy-winner and TV star, he’s barely in his film debut, which stars the likes of Dermot Mulroney, Sean Astin, and Ricki Lake. Smith is fine in his very brief screen time as a crippled homeless teen, but if it wasn’t him in the role, you wouldn’t look or think twice about the character.

28. The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000)

Smith’s impressive run to end the 20th century comes to a screeching halt in 2000 (don’t blame Willenium) thanks to his first big screen swing and miss. While Smith is the title character in Robert Redford’s golf drama, he plays second fiddle to Matt Damon, not even showing up until 33 minutes in. The film has been criticized for its use of Smith as the “magical negro” and, unfortunately, he isn’t able to help raise the material above the stereotype. 

27. Shark Tale (2004)

For his sole foray into animation, Smith voices a scheming, rapping fish named Oscar (too bad the film was only nominated for an Oscar). There’s really not much else to say as it’s exactly what you would think Will Smith voicing a rapping fish would be like.

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26. Made in America (1993)

Smith’s second go-around on the big screen finds him playing fifth banana to Whoopi Goldberg, Ted Danson, Ted Danson’s cowboy hat, and Nia Long. And maybe for the only time in his life, Mr. Suave is a nerd, which he really dives into during a very awkward sperm donor scene where he literally does a Scooby Doo, “Huh?” The best thing to come out of this movie is setting up Long’s Fresh Prince run as Will’s girlfriend. (The worst thing: Ted Danson in blackface.)

25. Hancock (2008)

Frank Masi/Columbia Pictures

Easily the biggest disappointment on this list. Even though it was released pre-superhero film boom (two months after Iron Man), it’s unlikely that Hancock would have succeeded at any time, because it just isn’t that good. Don’t get me wrong, the concept is great. Will Smith as an alcoholic superhero is a winning idea. The execution, however, leaves a lot to be desired. And for once, the biggest problem might be Smith, who doesn’t get to showcase any of the reasons that we love him, instead being saddled with a bland, blank slate. 

24. Suicide Squad (2016)

Smith’s second entry into the world of superheroes was about as successful as the first, as in it made a lot of money and wasn’t well-received by critics. A quick summary of Smith in Suicide Squad: He’s ripped, he continues to have good chemistry with Margot Robbie (their first pairing is still to come), and he’s tasked with delivering the often-mocked line, “So we’re some sort suicide squad?” Other than that, nothing Smith or the movie does has anyone anticipating the previously announced sequel.

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23. Men in Black II (2002)

Melinda Sue Gordon/Columbia Pictures

The weakest of the three Men in Black films suffers for many reasons, including becoming too cartoonish (did we really need Nick Cannon, Martha Stewart, and Michael Jackson cameos?) and, more importantly for our purposes, not giving Smith and his character, Agent J, anything interesting to do. A lot of the fun of the first film was Smith as the new guy and his shock and awe to the discovery of alien life, but with that gone, there’s no interesting trait to replace it. We wouldn’t mind if they neuralyzed our memories of MIIB.

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22. I, Robot (2004)

After fighting Miami drug dealers, aliens, more aliens, the government, cowboys, George Foreman, more aliens, and more Miami drug dealers, Smith took on the next logical opponent: robots. In the sci-fi film I, Robot, he plays Del Spooner (top five Smith character name), a sideways beanie-wearing cop who hates robots. That’s not ideal when his most crucial relationships are with a robot and a cat. Smith gets to be angry and frustrated, but it’s one of his most forgettable roles and films.

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21. Seven Pounds (2008)

When a film starts with the main character calling to report his own suicide, it’s unlikely that you’re in for an uplifiting ride. And that’s definitely the case in Seven Pounds, which finds Smith moping his way through it until he kills himself via jellyfish (yes, really). The No. 1 takeaway might actually be that for one of the few times in his career, Smith is outshined, with his Men in Black II costar Rosario Dawson doing the honors here.

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20. Collateral Beauty (2016)

Barry Wetcher/Warner Bros.

Don’t let this photo fool you — take away the first two minutes and Smith is almost entirely sad, depressed, and silent during this poorly-received drama. Until the film’s last 30 minutes or so, Smith is more of a plot device for the star-studded supporting cast. But, the appearances of “Love,” “Time,” and “Death” eventually bring him alive, leading to some strong emotional moments that come a little too late to help Collateral Beauty sneak into the top half of Smith’s peformances.

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19. Wild Wild West (1999)

Hot take: Smith isn’t bad in Wild Wild West. Let’s be clear, Wild Wild West is bad, like really bad, but its star isn’t. While Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, and Salma Hayek all scored Razzie noms for their performances, Smith didn’t (I’m blaming Kline for Worst Screen Couple) and that’s because he was far from the problem, coasting on his charisma and ability to pull off a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and a jacket with no shirt. And if I’m being honest, I’m definitely giving extra points for the “Wild Wild West” theme song and the memorable MTV Movie Awards performance. A horse! Sisqo! Stevie Wonder! On second thought, maybe those should have been Smith’s costars.

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18. Jersey Girl (2004)

It turns out that Will Smith is really good at playing Will Smith. In 2004, he took a break from blockbusters to cameo in Kevin Smith’s critical and commercial disappointment. Smith’s sole scene finds him navigating between comedy and drama, both saying he’s “ridiculously” hung and giving the sentimental parenting speech that inspires Ben Affleck’s character to give up the fast-paced corporate lifestyle in order to be a better father. Bonus points for Smith’s amazing 2004 movie star outfit!

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17. Winter’s Tale (2014)

Another cameo, another critical and commercial failure. But in Akiva Goldsman’s film, the actor plays the complete opposite of Will Smith: Lucifer. For the only time so far in his career, Smith takes on the role of a true evil person/being (a hitman with a heart of gold in Suicide Squad doesn’t count) and it was nice to see him briefly deviate from his movie star formula. The face-off with Russell Crowe’s demon is initially unremarkble, until Lucifer launches into a fierce and scary tirade that is unlike anything Smith has ever done.

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16. Men in Black 3 (2012)

Wilson Webb/Columbia Pictures

After being good for at least one movie every year during his peak, Smith’s four-year absence from the big screen for some reason comes to an end with Men in Black 3. It’s unclear who wanted or needed this film, but it’s still an improvement on its predecessor for a few reasons, all of which were related to Smith. There’s a fresh dynamic for Smith to play with as Josh Brolin stars as young Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones); Agent J’s amusing bewilderment is back; and the big final reveal gives Smith a nice emotional moment that neither of the first two films had.

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15. Bright (2017)

Another instance where the execution doesn’t live up to the promise. Smith playing a grizzled, mustached veteran cop in a film from the writer behind Training Day sounds like a home run. And yet, the only thing knocked out of the park is a fairy (“Fairy lives don’t matter,” apparently). While the script and Joel Edgerton’s makeup do Smith no favors, he comes out mostly unscathed, doing his best to ground a story about orcs, elves, and a magic wand.

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14. Gemini Man (2019)

A for effort? Smith pulls double duty in Ang Lee’s thriller, playing both Henry, an aging assassin, and his younger clone, Junior, who is sent to kill him. Unfortunately, the script doesn’t live up to the promise and mostly impressive CGI (the final scene is laughably distracting). But, Smith, like in many of his recent films, does what he can, bringing a real weariness and fatigue to Henry, while delivering an innocence to Junior that we’ve rarely seen from the actor. 

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13. Aladdin (2019)

“A little Fresh Prince, little Hitch, and a whole lot of attitude.” That is how Will Smith’s take on Genie was described more than a year before the film came out. And, honestly, the only thing that could have gotten me more excited was if you threw in “a little Bad Boys.” But, even without some Mike Lowrey, Smith put his own spin on Robin Williams’ iconic character and made Aladdin fun and entertaining for every second he was onscreen. And, more importantly, Will Smith is rapping again!!

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12. Concussion (2015)

Melinda Sue Gordon/Columbia Pictures

“Tell the truth!” Smith’s character Bennet Omalu memorably demands of an NFL employee who is denying football’s effects on the brain. Well, the truth is that Concussion is a bad movie full of reported inaccuracies that is only watchable because of Smith’s understated performance. For once, he isn’t sad, funny, or cool; he’s determined. And like his past portrayals of real-life figures, the actor earned a Golden Globe nomination for the role.

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11. Focus (2015)

The return of cool Will Smith! For some reason, after building a career on his charisma and charm, Smith went away from it for basically a decade, opting instead to be sad (Seven Pounds), dark (Winter’s Tale), or just straight boring (After Earth). But with Focus, at least very temporarily, Smith became cool again. (Following up with Concussion, Suicide Squad, Collateral Beauty, and Bright is why I say “very temporarily.”) Over the years, Smith has had hit-or-miss chemistry with his love interests, but the pairing with Margot Robbie is definitely a hit and initially gave one reason to be optimistic about Suicide Squad.

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10. Bad Boys II (2003)

Columbia/Everett Collection

Eight years after first riding and dying together, Smith reunited with Martin Lawrence for Michael Bay’s high-octane sequel. Once again, Lawrence gets to be the real comedic star, while Smith is the movie star. The nonstop action doesn’t leave much room for Smith to stretch his acting muscles, but the back-and-forth between the two actors is a high point and maybe the most rapport that Smith has ever had with a costar (sorry, Tommy Lee Jones and Jada Pinkett Smith). Now if only we could finally get Bad Boys III before they are too old for this s—.

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9. Six Degrees of Separation (1993)

Just before Smith catapulted to movie stardom in summer blockbusters, the rapper surprised audiences (and Hollywood!) in a truly dramatic turn, taking on the role of a young, gay con artist. Starring as the shady Paul, Smith plays a character playing a character and he more than holds his own against Ian McKellen, Donald Sutherland, and Stockard Channing, who he says he fell in love with after getting too into character. The one knock against Smith here is his reported refusal to kiss Anthony Michael Hall on the advice of Denzel Washington as to not damage his movie star appeal. (C’mon, 1993.)

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8. Men in Black (1997)

While Bad Boys and Independence Day had Smith trending up, Men in Black is when he officially became a movie star. After Chris O’Donnell and David Schwimmer passed on playing NYPD cop-turned-rookie Agent J, Smith was somehow the next logical choice, turning in a character and performance that neither of the first two choices could have. Whether he’s cracking jokes or shouting in both fear and amazement about the presence of aliens, Smith shines bright.

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7. Bad Boys (1995)

Moviestore/REX/Shutterstock

Arsenio Hall’s hilarious mistake is Will Smith’s gain as the Fresh Prince gets his first chance to be a big screen leading man. And he makes the most of the opportunity, oozing with swagger as ladies man Detective Mike Lowrey. But just like in the previously discussed sequel, Michael Bay’s buddy cop vehicle sets up Martin Lawrence, who was headlining his own sitcom, to be the real star. Don’t worry, though, because Smith got the last laugh with Bad Boys kicking off an epic four-year run and setting him up to soon become Hollywood’s most bankable star.

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6. Independence Day (1996)

No offense, Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, and Randy Quaid, but we kept wishing to go back to Smith, who doesn’t show up until 25 minutes into Roland Emmerich’s sci-fi classic. While the role of pilot Steven Hiller is just part of an ensemble, Smith is no doubt the true star, dominating every scene he’s in and nailing one-liners. “Welcome to Earth,” he says after punching an alien. “Now that’s what I call a close encounter.” Now that’s what I call a movie star-making performance.

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5. Ali (2001)

Frank Connor/Columbia Pictures

Maybe the greatest compliment that can be paid to Smith’s performance as Muhammad Ali is that I can’t imagine anyone else playing the boxer. In many of his films, it’s hard to see past Will Smith. “Oh, that’s just Will Smith with a badge.” But here, you just see Ali. And the Academy agreed, giving Smith the first of his two Oscar nominations.

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4. Enemy of the State (1998)

It’s not often that Smith plays an everyman. His first three lead roles featured him as a badass cop, a badass pilot fighting aliens, and a badass secret agent investigating alien activity. Here, in the underrated gem from director Tony Scott, he’s a lawyer who just happened to be at the wrong lingerie store at the wrong time. Not able to just skate on his charisma, Smith excels as being overwhelmed and out of his element. It might seem strange that a performance like this is above Ali, but often times pulling off a smart, action-packed thriller is even tougher than a biopic.

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3. I Am Legend (2007)

Barry Wetcher/Warner Bros.

Smith has had great chemistry with costars over the years, whether it’s Martin Lawrence or Tommy Lee Jones or Margot Robbie, and that streak continues in I Am Legend, even if the chemistry is with a dog and a mannequin. The magnetic actor has given heartbreaking perfomances before, but none like Dr. Robert Neville, who very might be the last man on Earth. During one 10-minute stretch, Smith shows enormous range as he is forced to put his dog down, and then emotionally unleashing on a female mannequin. It’s quite possibly the best work of his entire career. Legendary, indeed.

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2. Hitch (2005)

Barry Wetcher/Sony Pictures

Disclaimer: I’ve been accused a time or two of talking too much about Hitch, a.k.a. the greatest rom-com ever made. But it’s for good reason! The only full-on rom-com of Smith’s career came a few years after the peak of his powers, but still in the midst of his prime, and he gets to perfectly play many versions of the date doctor: charming Hitch, allergic reaction Hitch, flustered Hitch, embarrassed Hitch, nerd Hitch. And it’s almost impossible to pick just one scene to highlight; it could be meeting Sara (Eva Mendes) for the first time, or teaching Albert (Kevin James) how to dance, or Hitch and Albert kissing, or the speed dating confrontation. You know what, just go watch the whole movie and fall in love all over again.

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1. The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

It seems fitting that Smith’s best and worst performances featured him acting alongside his son Jaden. As you’ve noticed, I’m not a big fan of sad Will Smith, but this is the exception to the rule. Throughout the film, he wears his pain on his sleeve, constantly breaking your heart, whether he’s giving away his character’s last $5 or locked inside a subway bathroom, crying and holding on tight to his sleeping son. The emotional portrayal of homeless salesman/aspiring stockbroker Chris Gardner earned Smith the second of his two Oscar nominations, and hopefully not his last.

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