#the acting is incredible across the board

[llycaons]

yeah im just going to say it. the great (2020) is legit one of the best television shows I have seen in my life and I’m really glad I picked it back up. if you like ahistorical comedy-dramas in a period setting, complex characters/relationships, and don’t mind gore and sudden, graphic violence, I’d recommend it

[hazeltongzhi]

How does one argue against, for the lack of a better word, materialist defenses of capitalism (like for example "capitalist countries have higher GDP than noncapitalist countries, which means they're Better"). I used to appeal to morality when critiquing capitalism to some success in the past, but now I've been reading Real Theory more and speaking with more educated people, now I have zero faith in my ability to properly critique capitalist ideology without falling back on moralistic arguments. How does one avoid moralistic thinking, especially when talking with one not already versed in materialism?

While appeals to morality do work on some, it won't work on everyone and it sits on relatively shaky ground compared to scientific explanations. Before you do any convincing or arguing remember to know your audience. Trying to convince some bourgeoisie to support socialism won't work since it's asking them to abandon their class interests. 9 times out of 10, this simply won't work (once in a blue moon, you'll get a class traitor but don't rely on it). Do a proper class analysis of your audience before continuing.

In short, you need to scientifically and rigorously study and understand socialism, as it has and currently exists; from the Paris Commune to the PRC.

You have to know the total steel output of China in 1949 versus 2023. I kid, but understanding how the living standards of a country improved under socialism is crucial to add context. You have to understand the metrics that capitalist economists use and why they're inadequate. You have to be able to replace that with a metric that actually matters to everyday people; average lifespan, child mortality rate, electrification rate, poverty rate (not defined by IMF or world bank metrics), literacy rate, home ownership rate, etc., etc..

Another important skill is being able to identify, understand, and provide solutions for the contradictions under capitalism is also incredibly important. Anyone, including the defenders of capitalism, say that the capitalist mode of production has flaws. The question, then, is to propose a solution. For example, houselessness is an ever increasingly acute problem faced by advanced liberal democracies across the globe. The liberal answer is that this is a supply issue as having more supply should drive down the price. However, pointing out that having more supply simply makes it so that those with the economic power to purchase units will snap up those excess supply and return the market to the same equilibrium. The socialist solution, then, is to abolish the commodification of housing, getting rid of landlords or having rent caps, nationalizing developers, etc..

For most people you encounter, assuming they're proletarians, you will have to teach them the basics of materialist analysis. That means breaking them out of liberalism. To do this, you yourself need a solid understanding of dialectical materialism and historical materialism, the foundational framework of analysis for Marxism. The basics of which, being able to recognize distinct classes, their material needs, how these needs conflict with each other, and what material actions each class does to try and resolve these needs. To start breaking someone out of liberalism, you have to be able to identify and attack liberalism as an ideology. Point out how it fails to explain the world then replace it with scientific socialism. For example, liberalism posits that problems with greed, e.g. billionaires and companies exploiting workers more and more is that individual billionaires or companies are the problem and that by replacing those individuals, those systematic issues will be fixed. You have to show that those individuals act that way because the profit motive forces them to; that if they fail to bring in profit, they will be sacked by the investors or board of directors for someone who is willing to exploit. Then show that these are the material reasons for why bourgeoisie exploit, instead of inherent evilness or some immaterial thing.

It is not an easy or quick process and I myself took several years to read and learn before I started coming out in full offense on the side of scientific socialism. But this process is necessary in order to agitate, organize, and fight for a proletarian future.

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Not How His Monday Was Supposed to Go

Bruce Wayne x plus size reader

The new Wayne Enterprises board member has had enough of Bruce’s shit.

Warnings: Bruce is a bit of an asshole and a pig, mention of a family member needing surgery, swearing, reader is a girlboss, Bruce is low-key a sub, implied smut

WC: 1.1k

Minors DNI

When you agreed to act as your father’s representative for Wayne Enterprises as he recovered from surgery, you certainly weren’t expecting the CEO of the company to stroll in three hours late, dark purple bruises littering his muscular neck, dark shades perched on the end of his nose, suit and hair ruffled. 

You huffed as he crumpled into the stupidly expensive chair at the head of the table, only four seats down from you. You had to admit he was a very handsome man, with broad shoulders and dark hair that seemed to curl perfectly around his sculpted face. He gave an air of intimidation but his bright blue eyes made him seem approachable. “So what’d I miss?”

And suddenly your attraction to the man was gone.

Every meeting that followed, Bruce would strut into the room several hours late, one time he was already there when everyone arrived but he was asleep and still wearing the same clothes as the day before. Most times, he wouldn’t even show up, but when he did, he wouldn’t contribute anything meaningful to the conversation, simply giving generic anecdotes that related to the women he had seduced.

The most aggravating thing was, you knew how intelligent he could be. Sometimes it would just slip out. He would say something profound and incredibly smart but he would quickly catch himself and wave it off with some half-hearted comment like “or whatever the senator told me last night. Though I could have heard her wrong, her mouth was quite full”. It irked you to no end, especially being the only woman serving on the board.

As the weeks dragged on and your father’s health was improving, your own mental health was going completely downhill and by the time your last day arrived, you were done with this alpha male bullshit that Bruce loved to instigate. So, as your final meeting ended, which Bruce conveniently didn’t attend, you stormed off, ready to give the man a piece of your mind.

Your heels clacked on the polished floor leading to the massive corner office he had claimed for himself. As you neared the huge dark gray doors, you paused for a moment, pulling down your pencil skinny so it sat lower down your plump thighs instead of bunching up, and making sure you didn’t have any of those dreaded button gaps around your considerable bust. 

Taking in one last deep breath, trying to will yourself not to straggle the man right as you saw him, you gave a firm knock to the door and walked in. 

Your boss was hunched over his desk, intently staring at what appeared to be blueprints. His dark Armani suit jacket was off and hanging over the back of his chair, leaving him in only a white button-up that stretched across the bulk of his muscles. 

“Mr Wayne.” He glanced up from his work and a brief look of shock flashed across his face before he steeled his expression once more.

He muttered your name as he pushed his work to the side. “To what do I owe this pleasure?” The words were polite but his tone was anything but. He sounded like a typical frat boy who felt entitled to your attentions and affections. Your face fell into a scowl.

The door shut behind you with a slam, but you did not flinch. “Mr Wayne, this visit will be anything except a pleasure.” You strode forward with all the confidence in the world, anger swirling around you. “I have sat in that boardroom for weeks watching as you indulged men far below your moral and social standing. You have let them run wild, making a fool out of not only themselves but of you and your business.”

Bruce sat back in his chair, eyes wide as he watched you get closer and closer. “And I have had enough. I can see right through you Mr Wayne. You’re a smart man, you’re compassionate and generous, and yet you still act like these worms, pretend to be like them for some dumbass reason.”

You planted your hands onto his desk and loomed over the CEO. “So no matter what you do outside of this office that might redeem your flimsy character, you still let shit like this happen here and that makes you just as bad as those little boys. Fuck you Mr Wayne. Next time I see you, I will kick you in the nuts so hard your kids will feel it.”

And with that you turned and strode out like a conquering hero before realising you forgot something. You stuck your head back into his office. “Oh and go to all your meetings like a goddamn adult.” The door slammed shut on a bewildered looking Bruce who’s pants suddenly seemed a couple sizes too small.

“Wait wait wait. So the first time mom talked to you she cussed you out and threatened to assault you!” Tim exclaimed, eyes wide with shock. Dick and Jason seemed both amused and disgusted while Damian just looked at his father with immeasurable disappointment. Bruce smirked as he watched his boys have a simultaneous meltdown. The question had been a simple one, how did their parents meet, but it seems like they weren’t ready for the answer

“Yep.” He said proudly. “And let me tell you, it was the sexiest thing she’s ever done.”

“Ugh!”

“Gross!”

“Y’all are nasty!”

“Don’t talk about our mother like that!” They all screamed at once and, like usual, came to protect your honour. But Bruce just chuckled.

“She was a powerful woman, what can I say?” 

“Was?” You cooed suddenly over his shoulder. “Who’s the one running Wayne Enterprises now?” Your sharp nails dragged along the skin top of his chest where his tight shirt didn’t cover. He shivered under your touch, his entire body going to mush.

You looked up from your now boneless husband to your sons. “Your father was a real piece of work when I first met him but I fixed him up real good.” You purred and pressed the tips of your nails into his skin.

Jason was the first to break, surprisingly. “Jesus Christ!” He cried out, slapping his hands over his ears. Then, they toppled like dominos.

Dick was positively green, Tim had a vein in his neck that looked like it was about to burst and Damian was glaring at the floor. “Go on boys, get out of here before I teach your father another lesson.” In a collective pile, they tumbled from the room, scrambling to get as far away as possible.

Bruce turned swiftly as soon as the boys were out of earshot and grabbed your hips to tug you down onto the chair with him. “Come on, Mrs Wayne, tell me how bad I’ve been.”

Request: Meets her at Wayne Co, she’s a new board member and have a few words for playboy Bruce who misses many meetings

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[bugsbenefit]

currently rewatching s3 and honestly... yeah no wonder Mike and Will had to be across the country in s4 for the plot to work they're too fucking good with this. even in s3 where they play a lot of plot support for El they're actually CARRYING the groups actions

s3 actually makes the difference between Mike and Will and the rest of the party Extremely clear. El, Max, and Lucas are lost at first, ranging from not taking Billy too seriously or just not knowing what to do

Mike and Will are the only one's with first hand experience. Will was possessed by the MF (Henry) and Mike sat next to him like this for over two days straight. Will has the intel and Mike has seen what possession looks and acts like up close. they KNOW what they're doing in s3 which is why they take the threat of Billy and the MF so serious so fast. even El has to ask them how possession works and how you can identify it. because despite having powers she still has no experience with this

that experience also gets highlighted in situations like the pool, where Max wants to wait and see what happens with Billy to know if he's flayed but Mike and Will know they have to act first

they know you don't wait until someone activates. the entire population of Hawkins lab was killed last time someone activated and they both witnessed it first hand. but the other's weren't there for that and don't really know how to deal with the current situation

also, Mike and Will are fully on the same page regarding the supernatural, which is why they're so efficient. Will gives his insight on the MF (Henry) and Mike immediately jumps to thinking of a proactive plan. the sauna idea took him less than 5 seconds

they would have completely fucked the plot of s4 over had they been in Hawkins i'm so serious. s3 literally shows us exactly why they couldn't be there:

Will can tell when Henry gets close (which s4 even confirms he is still able to do). had he been around in s4 he could've warned everyone if Vecna got to Max. no wondering when he's going to get you. Will would Know and he'd Tell you. they wouldn't lose time looking for Vecna in the Creel house, they wouldn't lose time scrambling to get headphones last minute

Mike is incredibly good at adapting prior knowledge to new situations which the Hakwins crew was Abysmal at. Mike can apply chemistry facts from years ago when it's convenient and can convert Will's possession into a working possession-test for Billy. but in s4 we have to suffer watching the crew remember that fire was the UD's weakness and then never use it on anyone but Vecna himself. a bottle of hairspray and a lighter could have gotten them out of being strangled by vines but they only had the clunky molotovs for Vecna. their planning methods directly contradict Mike's approach to plans

also. both of them act proactively. everyone at Hawkins lab died because they didn't stop Will in advance and s3 shows they learned from that. i honestly can't see a way for them to be on board with an "i'll be bait" plan. they directly argue against waiting for him to take action multiple times in s3. they KNOW that's how people die because it's too late when he gets here

and best of all. MIKE LITERALLY CALLS OUT WHY THE S4 PLAN DIDN'T WORK. word for word. you could paste this into s4 and pretend it's Mike berating them for the plan they just came up with

s4 makes it super clear that Mike and Will being absent is BAD with their friends directly commenting on how they're not here to help, and the last shot of the season being them returning to town speaks for itself, but s3 also directly shows us why. based on how they've dealt with the UD's/MF's return just six months before s4 shows how they would have approached something like s4. and at this point the two of them are too good of a team with too much experience to let them be around for it

(which would in universe most likely be Henry waiting for both of them to be out of the picture and out of universe be the writers putting them on the gay roadtrip in the weed van to be able to set up endgame s5 in peace without having them be in the way)

[thekrakenlolz]

Start up Fic - Ellie Williams x Reader

part 2

Summary: You switch dorms at your boarding school after you and your girlfriend go through a messy break up and you no longer can handle being roommates with her. Only your new one is a different kind of problem

a/n: I wrote the first chapter only to realize I have no idea what comes next. So here's my plan: if y'all like the set up, you can give me suggestions for what you want to happen next. I basically just laid down the base. So you can read it if you want and see if you have any ideas. But just as a warning, I'm not gonna write smut without a plot, I'm not about that life. I have a vague idea of what I can put next but it's very cliche and overdone sooooo yeah, thanx in advance<3

Also, English is my third language so expect bad grammar

°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-°_*-

Your eyes wandered over the walls as you walked along them. The paint was starting to flake off, revealing the concrete underneath. Your school was old. Like old, old. Like Victorian ages old. Something most of your friends scoffed over, but you personally liked. You thought it gave it character. Of course a little bit of a touch up wouldn't hurt, but bathroom doors that are actually still attached to the stall hinges were overrated anyways.

You were following Miss Jenkins, your housemother, hunched over as you were balancing three of your bags on your back. Uncomfortable, yes, but you were trying to minimize the amount of trips you had to make to move all your shit over to your new dorm. Anything to avoid seeing Samira more than absolutely fucking necessary.

"Here we are" Miss Jenkins sighed, stopping in front of one of the gray doors. It took everything in you not to roll your eyes. You were still pissed that you had to put in 4 requests over the duration of 2 months before they finally assigned you a new room, but now she was acting like she was doing you a huge favor. Like taking 15 minutes out of her day was so much to ask for. But you kept it down, thanking her again before opening the door and stepping in.

The lengthy process of actually getting a new room gave you plenty of time to stress over who your new roommate would be. This girl, however, didn't even come to mind. You weren't even sure what her name was, your social circle and her's didn't interact much. E-something? Or was it L?

Mystery girl was sitting at her desk, headphones in, and carefully shading out something in her notebook. You noticed she had tucked her left leg under her, a bad habit you also possessed. She didn't register your presence, her eyes still fixed on the paper. You threw your bags next to your bed, which finally caught her attention. "Oh fuck" she jumped up from the desk and hurried over to your bed, picking up the stuff she dumped on it. "Hello to you too" you mused.

Sweatshirts, textbooks and pencils started flying over onto her bed. "I'm sorry, I thought I had until Sunday to get my shit off your side" She explained, tossing a hairbrush across the small room. You watched it hit the wall and fall down onto her Zelda themed sheets. Cute, you noted. "No worries, take your time, I still have stuff to move over"

So you were back in the hallway, slowly but surely making your way back to your old dorm and with that, to Samira. Now that you were by yourself, you took the time to think about your new roommate. You still didn't know her name but one thing was for certain: she was incredible looking.

Her thick straight auburn hair cut off above the shoulders and her cheeks were densely dotted with freckles. She was very toned, especially in the arms. She was probably in the lacrosse team.

You did notice she was more on the masculine side, so might maybe even be gay. You full stopped, forcing yourself to remember, that's exactly the type of shit that got you in your current situation in the first place. No fucking your roommate, dude, we talked about this.

--------

You took a moment to collect yourself before entering your old room. You drew a breath in, scanning the ugly grey door that separated you and her. 12B the lettering read, touched up with some sharpie. You reached for the knob.

She was sitting at her desk, scrolling on her phone and demonstratively ignoring your presence. You bit down on the inside of your cheek. This wasn't what you expected. Somehow you preferred another stupid fight over this new silence.

You stacked two backpacks on one arm and three bags on the other. The weight made your walk out rather inelegant. You stopped in the doorway. "Goodbye Sami."

You could practically feel her hesitate.

"Bye."

[whiteheartlight]

thinking more about my idea where Artakha has mini versions of the Toa Mata made (Matoran-esque) for personality and neurological testing. they won't remember any of it when they're Toa but it's a test run for him to check some things

little Kopaka hates having any kind of testing done on him and is always aware of experiments. he keeps purposefully skewing results and acting against his impulses whenever Artakha tries to test him in a situation. Artakha takes this to mean that he's perfect

the Matoran on Artakha have gotten very used to peace and quiet and certain mini Toa Mata (one in particular) keep disrupting them... but then reminding them how to throw better parties

balancing Tahu's temper between the lines of "soft-hearted" and "insensibly filled with rage" takes SO many models. when Artakha settles on his final personality Kopaka looks at him like he's lost his mind

Gali gets annoyed with Artakha one day and just surfs out to the edge of the realm and won't come back in. it starts storming and she won't get off her board all day no matter what he tells her. on a similar note, Onua has been found digging straight down Minecraft style and getting himself stuck very contentedly miles below the surface

Pohatu loves living in Artakha and starts picking up every hobby the incredibly skilled craftsmen who live there will teach him

Karzahni hasn't quite lost it completely at this point in time, but when he comes to visit his brother, he's intensely jealous of the little life forms he has running around. he wants Artakha to make a Toa Mata for him too. the mini Mata are generally uncomfortable around him, but Pohatu makes an effort to befriend his uncle, which is when Artakha starts to feel that his creations are not safe around his brother. Karzahni is much too eager to have some company

Artakha tries the marshmallow test where you give a kid a treat and tell them that they can eat it now or wait and have another one later. Lewa and Tahu can't wait for a second one, Onua and Gali can. Kopaka, to Artakha's surprise, eats his immediately, and when Artakha asks if he couldn't be patient, Kopaka tells him he has much more important things to do. When Pohatu gets his second marshmallow, he offers it to Artakha

Artakha designs them carefully to balance each other out, and is very focused on the synthesis of the Kaita. Pohatu should energize Onua and Tahu, Tahu should call Onua and Pohatu to action, Onua should direct them both with a little more wisdom. Kopaka should be Wairuha's cold intellect, Gali should be their stability, and Lewa should be their verve and joy.

there is a point where he makes the Kaita too different from each other, and suddenly he's noticing Tahu sprinting across the hall to get away from Kopaka and Gali because they started prophesying at him while speaking at the same time again and he HATES that. Artakha brings them back down to earth a little

there's also a point where Onua studies and understands Artahka's plans and notes so thoroughly that he figures out exactly what his destiny will be. Artakha looks at him for a second and just goes "I'm going to turn you off now, Onua" and ok that's fair

it's very different for Artakha to have new creations running around, breaking things, causing fights, and getting into trouble when he's been used to nothing but Great Spirits and perfect Matoran for so long. he finds he doesn't mind it too much. when Lewa paints poorly over the masterpieces in the dining hall, Tahu and Gali break ancient weapons while "playing," and Onua gets mud all over the floors, Artakha leaves things messy.

[thingsarentgreat]

I don't know how to tell you that you should care about other people.

I keep reflecting to determine if there's something more within me that's causing me to still feel so incredibly sick by it all. Really trying to expose the raw roots of the feeling to see if it stems from some kind of selfishness. And I suppose it does. But to reduce it to just that would also be lying, because it's a combination of poisons down in that soil. It's betrayal and a feeling of isolation amongst a group I thought I once knew, and then that selfish and bitter root grows in like a weed. I can only quietly observe to myself: "ah. this is where the radicalization and rampant nationalism come from. this is why I see it flowering in my family."

It's because I feel my trust breaking all over again each time I forget about it and try to go on with my business. I remember that I still can't mourn publicly without someone educating me on why obviously if I'm mourning, I must have Insert Political Alignment Here. I remember the utter silence and the downright celebration of more civilian deaths because "oh, fuckin Yaya or whatever deserved it after what Israel does."

For the record, Yaya-Or-Whatever didn't deserve it, and I still remember the lead dropping into my stomach upon hearing that from a friend. No one deserves it. No one ever deserves it.

I don't know how to tell you that you should care about other people.

Maybe that's a quote leftists recognize, but I realize now that few of them actually stick to it across the board. And I'm admittedly selfish, because I hoped that leftists could at least have a moment to care about my people suffering too before getting back to helping the people who currently need the most help. But instead we got "Yaya-Or-Whatever Deserved It." And I've been laying here for months watching everyone on the left just go back to the usual armchair activism as if they didn't just fucking say that, and when I do bring it up, suddenly I'm the problem for pointing out that it was fucked up.

You won't erase it, fyi. We saw you say it. Some of you said it with your full fucking chest. You were callous and let the antisemites into the bar by openly celebrating Jewish death. Then you pretended we were talking about Palestine when we pointed out your antisemitic actions. You know that's not what we were even pointing to as an example. But it's very convenient for you to pretend we don't know the difference, isn't it?

I don't know. It's just a reminder that most of you are actually all talk and virtue signals. There's no actual substance behind your ideals, you're just adhering to the party line, same as conservatives do. I guess I was naive to think otherwise. It's disingenuous for you to wonder why people leave the leftist movement as a whole and "suddenly" flip sides. You know why, and it's reasons like this - you're just covering it up and pretending it's a totally different, more convenient reason.

Tldr; you're hypocrite ass leftists and fuck you. You should be ashamed of how you acted.

[brsomebody]

Thoughts on Hades 2 (based on the Test)

- Melinoë is really cool and very different from Zagreus, but you can tell they're related.

- Her moveset is a lot deeper than Zag's was. Lots of different options - three different main attacks and charged versions

- Enemies in this area are a lot more challenging than the first area of Hades, with a few requiring specific methods to take them out effectively. Mini bosses were no joke.

- The test has two weapons available, the staff and her knife/sickle combo. I found the staff to be overall better at dealing with the enemies in the test, but I think the sickles just need a damage boost. They feel like the gauntlets from Hades.

- There are some absolutely game-changing boons from new gods that are on par with/stronger than the best Athena and Zeus ones from Hades. I'd expect some of these to be less strong in the final release, but playing with them was great.

- Voice acting across the board is stellar, and the art is as impeccable as always for Supergiant.

- The menu music is incredible

- also them:

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers :) We’ve reached the episode that rocked me to my very core. Honestly haven’t been this attached to a ship in a very very long time. Years passed without this level of attachment. Bringing out sides of me I didn't think existed. Like doing reviews. But our ship is something special even when they rip our hearts out. I blame Eric and Melissa LOL They are INCREDIBLE in this episode. The both of them. Brought their A game and then some.

This ep legit affected my mood for 3 weeks no joke and utterly destroyed me. I needed extra days to decompress before did my mini. The fandom was so lovely about that too. Love this fandom so much. I still don't know how I got that out tbh lol Also God Bless my bestie D for going through that with me. I got to watch it early that day which normally didn’t get to. Was usually after work. I remember D wanted to stop me but didn’t cause she couldn’t tell me why..

I had to go to a company meeting after and pretend I wasn’t devastated. Be a positive fun leader when inside I was dying. I did a good job my team had no idea lol But damn that was tough. Never been happier for a 3 week break than after this one. We all needed it. Let us begin. And thank you all again for going through this heartbreak with me. Gif count was rough for me so I fit in everything I could and made a ton.

6x06 Secrets and Lies

We start out with Lucy looking as stressed and anxious as we’ve ever seen her. Laying in bed but most definitely is not resting. The brutal toll this situation has taken becoming visible. When Tamara asks how stressed she is from 1-10? Lucy answering 19….Ooof....Could not be more relatable if she tried. When I get this laser focused I too am a nineteen. Her person has been radio silent for days. Her last contact with him was a massive knock out drag out fight.

This is the most time they’ve spent apart since they got together. Like I stated last review other than 6x01 they've scarcely been away from one another. Her UC mission in 5x21 yes but doesn’t really count. They talked every single day. So it’s truly the longest they’ve been apart. No wonder she is at a 19. Poor Lucy. Kills me. Such a wreck without him. Tamara asks if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy tries to defend their situation. Not well but she sure tries lol

Lucy is barely keeping it together and it shows. I love that we get a shot of her pin-up board from that BTS video. The cupcake poster hehe Hopefully that makes a triumphant return in s7. Tamara doesn’t want to add to her stress... But let's her know she wants to move out. With friends from school. Worst timing ever. It makes sense but the timing is horrendous. Lucy takes so many hits this season. It’s almost worse the second time around somehow.

This time Lucy goes to an actual adult about Tim. Not useless Nolan who was painfully inept for her. Couldn’t fit it in but we see her touch her tattoo when she approaches Angela. *heart clutch* I love Melissa for doing it every time though. So subtle yet impactful. Nice little mini gut punch to start the scene. This was the right call though. If anyone knows Tim like her it’s Angela. Lucy asking if she should alert Grey? Honestly she should've but here we are. That would've been a whole other set of problems though...

Lucy feels like she’s going insane so Angela validating her helps. (at first) You know she finds this behavior of his incredibly alarming. We can see the immediate worry painted across her face. That’s her brother. She loves that man like he’s one. What sucks is that, even though Angela is empathetic, she doesn’t fulfill the needs that Lucy is going for. Which is reassurance and 'Hey let’s do this together.' A united front. Hoping since he is acting off Angela's reply would be 'Let's find out why as a team.' She is protecting her but Lucy is in a heightened emotional state and doesn't see that. Only see's being shut out further from Tim.

Angela plays her cards very close to her chest. Like a good detective would. Sadly Lucy wanted more solace than just ‘Trust him.’ That’s all she’s been doing for days. Poor woman is going out of her damn mind with worry. Even tells Angela as such. The reply she gets back not what she wanted… She wanted her detective gut and friendship. Unfortunately she just gets the former. That short lived validation she got earlier dying off quickly. Lucy is so damn upset when she takes off from the convo. Knowing if she sticks around she’s going to cry on shift. My damn heart. Melissa be killing me. Holy hell.

Angela scaring the crap out of Tim is hilarious. Serves him right tbh. This episode had me so upset and twisted, I couldn’t even enjoy scruffy Tim in a leather jacket. You know something is wrong when I can’t gawk over this man. Angela has zero trouble finding him. Because well it’s her. This is why Lucy enlisted her. She needed the best to help her. Such best friend behavior from the minute she enters his car.

Drinking his soda, calling him out, and asking WTF is going on? I adore her brazen bravery. This is why we love Angela Lopez. Willing to get herself fired for him. That she can take the hit not Lucy. I mean she’s not wrong….Angela could easily live off Wes. She would hate it but she could. It's a more viable option. Says it can be ‘Wine o’clock for her.’ LOL I always enjoy them. More of them in s7 please writers.

Tim doesn’t argue with her reasoning. Starts to explain the whole Ray debacle. Why he can’t just let him go. What he has on him. That he needs to catch him in a new crime. So he has reason to actually arrest him. Once Tim fully explains Angela just replies. ‘I’m in.’ Tim is shocked because of course he is ha Even though she is his best friend he can't believe has his back like this. Oh my broken boy. He double checks and asks if she’s sure? Her reply being the absolute best. ‘Yeah. I got your back boo.’ Hehe Lucky she’s your best friend my love.

We rejoin our bestie duo at the docks. Scoping out Ray on whatever back door deals he’s doing. She is studying Tim hard in this scene. It’s the best. Angela tries to impart some logic to Tim. Saying he’s followed Ray for two days and nothing. Asking how long he’s going to do this? Tim replying the most Tim Bradford reply. ‘As long as it takes.’ Angela is on her game today and doesn’t let him get away with it. Saying he’s just going to walk away from his job? From his relationship with Lucy? All to arrest a guy he hasn’t thought about in over a decade?

Something isn’t adding up for her and she is letting him know it. Angela gives her patented look. Knowing it’s something more. There’s a reason she’s such a good detective. Woman knows how to get to the root of things. Tim has only given her surface info at this point. Definitely not enough to justify this crusade he’s currently on. Let’s him know Lucy would understand why he lied on the report. She would even commend him for it really. We know she would. She love his soft heart so much. Tim agrees and says she would still get in trouble for knowing and not reporting him to IA.

A risk she would gladly take if you’d let her Timothy… It’s here Angela digs a little deeper. He gets a second stare. Tim finding it aggravating and telling her as such. Angela let's her next truth bomb drop. Saying he’s doing it to protect himself as much as her. That there’s something he’s not admitting. Mic drop. Nailed it and Tim knows it but won’t entertain it further. Has him dead to rights and he knows it. We then get the glorious BFF line. Like it or not she is. lmao Has your number just like your girl.

We return to Angela’s for Tim to break our hearts some more. Theme of this episode. One punch after another. Literally no time to breathe unless you check out during the other SL's. Which I did tbh.... They’re alone so she probes Tim further. Knowing that it has to be so much more than a report. He wouldn't let Ray get under his skin like this if it was that shallow. That he's bearing the weight of something on his soul. Tim gives in and begrudgingly explains what happened. That he had been squad leader most of his tour. That he was looking to move up to Sergeant First Class. Only caveat was he couldn’t have any rampant criminality in his unit.

Ray was in the way of this. Tim decided to keep it within the squad if they caught him themselves. He did an unsanctioned mission… Oh Timothy….He explains how Ray called in an air strike on them. Did this the minute he knew he was trapped. Schmuck would rather take them with him. Such a cowards move. The way Tim describes the air strike. Ugh my heart. His eyes filling up as he depicts how the world imploded around them. Eric is a master of emotion here. So expressive. Looks like he is right back there, with the most haunted look on his face. He thought he was going to die. Being so vulnerable I wanna hug him.

He and Mark were lucky though. The Humvee took the hit for them. But Henderson and Coyle were ripped apart….Ugh and now we see what he’s been bearing. That he led his men to their deaths. Their loyalty and faith in him had cost them their lives. All because Tim was in pursuit of a promotion. For personal glory. Explains why he wouldn't praise himself or take awards pre-Lucy. Or advance his career before her either. He didn’t feel he deserved anything good. Because the last time that was important to him, he got two of his men killed. Imma go cry now.... My poor broken boy. The PTSD is so real.

Eric continues to rip my heart out. Telling Angela there was so much blood. I can't imagine seeing that. They for sure thought Ray was KIA. No way he survived. It’s the way he catches his breath, tears in his eyes in this next part. I'm so upset for him. The way he points at himself when he says leadership. The failure and shame he feels for what he did. When we found out it would be his military background I was excited. I knew it would be dark though. Whatever this was. But my god. I wasn’t expecting it to be this. But makes perfect sense why he’s kept it from Lucy. He can’t bring himself to forgive what he did. How could he expect Lucy to? To still look at him like he’s the same man she fell in love with?

The deep rooted shame is evident in this scene. This is quite the weight to keep on your soul. One I’m sure he’s never told anyone. Not even Isabel about I bet. My guess is he buried it once he was state side. Like most do with trauma. Hoping it would never resurface. Sadly not how trauma goes... The way he tells the story it’s for the first time. You can tell. He’s right back there re-living it all. This scene gives us so much insight to Tim as a person. Why he is the way he is as a cop. As a person. It explains why he lost his damn mind in 2x01 over Lucy falsifying the report. Probably brought him right back there.

This is a very revealing scene. It makes sense why he shoulders things alone. It’s punishment for what he did. Doesn’t think anyone could love him enough to shoulder it with him. That breaks my damn heart. This ep makes me so emotional. *sad sigh* Nothing scarier than the person you love seeing you at your worst. With his background of abuse, it makes sense why he’s hidden this from Lucy. He doesn’t feel worthy of the comfort she would bring him. Only shame that he made a mistake. Tim is very self loathing and this is why. Coupled with his childhood it makes so much sense why he is the way he is…This one is emotionally heavy af. All his unchecked trauma barreling through like a bullet train in this ep.

Lucy arrives home and Tamara is there to take care of her. Saying she ordered pizza. I love this. She needed this. Lucy leaves the room to drop off her stuff. We hear a knock at the door and it’s Ray.... Earlier he scanned Tim’s vehicle and got Lucy’s address. Which made me sick to my stomach. I knew him grabbing it was going to end this way. Best way to get to Tim is through his heart. When Tamara opened the door and it was him..The hairs at the back of my neck stood up. Tamara calls out for Lucy. She emerges and goes into protect mode right away. Eyes on Tamara first but also hating her gun is locked up.

Heart was in my damn throat the entire time. Lucy handles herself like the bad ass we’ve all come to know and love. Commend her for keeping herself composed when she was terrified. I also adore her not putting up with any of his scare tactic BS. Her line about the only call she’s gonna make is for the ambulance. Like hot damn Lucy. Way to protect Tamara and yourself. It's true she could take his scrawny ass easily. I long to be the confident BAMF she is.

Doesn't hurt she’s still got the rage burning from being in the dark. So not only is her life being threatened now Tamara's is. This is Lucy's FINAL straw. It’s now bled over in the worst way. Not only that but she still has no idea what’s going on. We can see that mama bear come out loud and proud. It’s one thing for her to be involved it’s a whole other thing with Tamara dragged in. This is what pushes her to reach out To Tim. To cut his crap. Whatever this is has now endangered an innocent life. One she loves fiercely and will die to protect.

Lucy RAGE calls Tim and unleashes hell. As she should… Demanding to know where his ass is. Tim knowing he can’t hold her back any longer. So he lets her know. I mean Lucy is million percent done with this crap now. With his behavior, him cutting her out, all of it. So very very done. Rightfully so. I do love him answering ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ Knowing she wouldn’t be calling unless something was. He for sure would’ve dropped it all to go to her.

But she was way too pissed to see that fact. She shows up like a bat out of hell. Biting his head off immediately saying 'Does she look ok?' No….she does not. Forever love Angela escorting Tamara out of the room. Mom and dad about to have it out so let's go. The concern all over his face kills me though. This was the last thing he wanted to happen. The very thing he was striving for by shutting her out backfired horribly. Not only did he endanger her but Tamara too.

It was Lucy’s final straw and she is showing it. These were the types of fights that are needed though. As much as this hurts she is fighting him to save them. Because he is worth the bother and effort. Just like he stated in 5x08. Asking why her and Chris never fight?They’re fighting against each other to protect one another it kills me. Also you know your ship has chemistry when even their fights are lightning in a bottle goodness. Just as amazing as their happy stuff. I can't speak enough to their fantastic on-screen chemistry. Even though this fight is fiery and hurts to watch it's hurts so good to watch them hash it out.

Tim explains who Ray is and Lucy don’t give a single fuck. It’s not who he is that has her raging. It’s him cutting her out that is. I love the movements Melissa does in this scene. I know she had an interview about her being mad. Thinking she was awkward. It wasn't at all. Was so real. I think she nailed it. Her body language is on point. How she stamps her foot. Shouting how who Ray is doesn’t explain why he iced her out. At all. She is VIBRATING with anger. Yelling at Tim to stop protecting her. Which he won't. That is like asking him to stop breathing tbh. He would rather die than not protect her. Ugh his reply of ‘ I can’t. I won’t.’ They’re at odds with the deepest part of their souls. Of who they are.

Tim will never stop protecting her. Just as she will never stop trying to help him. Been in her DNA from the jump. For him to not let her is just as painful as Tim not protecting her. *sigh* This is where their intense need to protect each other backfires so badly. Sounds romantic and sometimes it is. But in these type of moments, it shows the cracks in their already fractured communication. It real though. Communicating is HARD. Especially when you both come from abusive homes where that wasn't taught. If you aren't taught healthy communication you're just not going to do it. Simple as that. It's like a muscle that never gets used. Then when it does it feels so unnatural and painful.

These two are going to be the death of me. Hell they already have been. They have so much to work on in s7. It’s insane. I'm excited for it though. Lucy then brings up how Lopez was read in but not her. She is HIS PERSON. If anyone should be read in it’s her. Consequences be damned. Yeah Angela does have less to lose but that is NOT the point. Tim is clearly not getting that fact. I adore Lucy grabbing his hands during the end of the scene. Mirroring back she 'Can’t and won’t' not help him. Telling him she is over being to good girlfriend. He’s going to let her in NOW. Oooh lord. You Tell 'em Luce.

Their OP to foil Ray goes off without a hitch. Tim tells him it’s over. That there isn’t an air stroke to save him this time. Ray tells Tim ‘I am the air strike. I’m about to blow up your whole life.’ *grumble* It’s so true on many many levels. Watching Tim be so stoic in his IA investigation kills me. Wish could've fit this in. Eric be out here again making me emotional af two eps in a row. You can see the tears in his eyes but the rest of him is controlled. That military background of his coming in clutch.

it pains me to watch him lie and have it destroy him. I remember I saw people saying how could he lie? That’s not like him. Um no. This is very like Tim. Not to lie but to protect those he loves. If lying protects Lucy and Lopez that’s what he’s going to do. He has a history of being a little gray for those he loves. Isabel is a good example of that. All that went down with Detective Murphy was similar to this. ‘Some things matter more.’ Once again rings true with him. Tim is believed over Ray. Because even if Tim doesn’t want to believe this he is the better man.

Better reputation and Percy closes the investigation. Have missed him. But whoever he’s around it’s not good. Love the actor though. What happens after is rough to say the least. Never seen Grey as disappointed in Tim as he is here. Reprimanding him and having to report him to Pine SUCKS. R.I.P. Metro Tim. I loved you so…It’s killing Tim to have Grey look at him this way. Deeply respects him and to be scolded by him cuts him. Just dismisses Tim without further comment or fight….

God almighty the song playing in the background. I don’t even remember it. I only watched this scene once. I think I blacked out a lot in this moment. The immense shock rocked my system. Suffice to say it’s beautiful. The piano, the haunting oohs and lyrics are the perfect backdrop to this devastating scene. I felt this building anxiety watching this scene. Waiting for the hammer to drop. When she pulled him into her arms *phew* It was first breath I had taken in nearly two episodes. These eps had me on the razor's edge of sanity. I love her waiting outside for him and instantly pulling him into her arms. Just like Tim did for her in 5x22. I'm fine.....Imma cry as I write this. Horse heaven playing in my ears right now. Adding to my emotional state. These two getting me all weepy.

I’ll be honest I thought if a break up was coming, it was coming from Lucy the first time. Which is why this devastated me like it did. Having the full season in hand now. Makes total sense it’s Tim. At the time I thought would be her. But that wouldn’t be like Lucy at all. After everything he put her through. The secrets, the lies and shutting her out. She had every damn right. But she loves this man unconditionally. So unconditionally. Everything Lucy does in this scene is a reflection of that unconditional love. There to pick up his broken pieces despite all of that went down. Look at her in those gifs above.

Especially that second one. First time she took a breath too. So grateful to be here for him in this moment. I truly thought ‘Oh. Maybe we’re ok... She’s hugging him.’ Encasing him in her arms. Trying to absorb all of his hurt. Supporting him the way he sought out days previous. Gently cradling him against her. It's the tender way she nestled her fingers at the back of his head that gets me. Tapping into some ship crack for me there. *phew* Honestly thought with her being there for him they would make it out unscathed. I truly did. The chemistry from this hug is unreal btw. Tim doesn’t feel worthy in the least. The way he slumps against her. Doesn’t really hug her back like normal. Can't see Lucy is so willing to absorb his hurt and pain. To love him through this. This hug is beautifully tragic.

Lucy releases him and he looks as broken as I’ve ever seen him. 4x09 x 1000 tbh. He shirks away from her. Hands in his pocket. So disgusted and ashamed with himself. Something l've learned in Pilates is posture and the importance of it. When you stand tall and at full height. You are confident and sure of yourself. When you are slumped it presents a lack of confidence, shame, and feeling unworthy. His posture is screaming that. Like he feels he shouldn’t even be in her presence right now. He crushes me with how he says he lied about everything.

Then sarcastically almost sardonically follows it up with ‘But hey it saved my job….’ The amount of disdain in his voice is gut wrenching. The whole reason he was in this Ray mess was to further himself. To keep his career intact. He saw a promotion and went for it at all costs. What he just did lying to IA was to be that same man again. (In his mind) To put his career first over what’s right. Risked people's lives again as well. People he loves. Sickens him ten years later he’s doing the same thing all over again. Even though it's so different this time. There is still nobility in it with saving Lucy and Lopez. But this man can't see that right now. Doesn't see any good in this situation or himself.

Lucy does her best to sympathize. Telling him it was an impossible situation. If it had been her she would’ve done the same thing. Thing is if it had been for Tim yes she would’ve without question. But he can’t see the forest for the trees atm. He is drowning absolutely drowning in his self-loathing. Tim continues on with the painful self flogging. Telling her she would’ve never been in his position. Putting her on a pedestal while he makes himself very very small. That OTP line from 6x03 from him 'You could never disappoint me.' That is true. The problem is he doesn't realize he could never disappoint her either. Tragically Tim doesn't view it that way. Only sees he's not worthy.

Lucy once again tries to pick up his pieces. Telling him he thought he could handle it. He was wrong but made it right. It’s like she can sense him pulling away in this moment. Doing her best to calm his fears about himself. Trying to do what she’s always done in years past best. Build him up. Soothe him. Sadly she isn’t gaining an inch of ground with him. He is stuck in how he feels and there is no budging him. Tim is morose saying he wishes it was that easy….We can see the incredible amount hurt on his face. Telling her he just lied to two men he deeply respects. He is coming undone rapidly and Lucy can see it. I adore her putting her hands on him. Trying to right his ship.

Ground him to her in this moment. Because once again it's something she’s done so well in the past. Tim is spiraling so hard he can’t see her gesture for what it is. Tells her he just betrayed everything he thought was right about himself. *heart clutch* Lucy can’t stand him talking down about himself. Tries to interrupt but Tim won’t allow it. Lucy graciously nods and lets him get it out. Especially when he tells her how hard this is for him. She is so wonderfully understanding it makes my heart ache. Tim feels like he is a bad guy. Thought he had gotten past this and was sucked back in so easily. Truly believed he had become a better person since then. (He has) Ray was right he was gonna blow up his entire life.

He just exposed Tim for the fraud he already felt he was. Bringing his greatest sin to light. Bringing up feelings of not being deserving. Of inadequacy. His abuse background pulling into the station and not leaving. Tim is back to a place of massive self loathing. Saying he has been lying to himself for years. Thinking he’s gotten better when he hasn’t. To him he reverted back to the man he thought he left behind. Not only that he put his person. The woman he loves at risk to cover up his past. To cover up his shame. It’s hitting him like a freight train of terrible realization. Continuing on to say he can’t go back to the way it was. I was hopeful when he said ‘Right now.’ Then followed it up with maybe never….

Lucy had been nodding along. Being so wonderfully empathetic and understanding. She was with him till he said that. Then she is hit with her own terrible realization. He’s leaving her. She is losing him. In the same parking lot where he told her to take a risk. Where she expressed her concern over losing him if they did. Worried about losing the most important relationship in her life due that risk. The same spot where he told her 'Unless it is.' A giant stab to our collective shipper hearts.

It's why Lucy is in a state of utter shock. As we all were tbh. She shakily asks him if he’s breaking up with her? When he said I’m sorry. I remember having to pause. Freak out and cry. I recall chanting ‘No no no….’ To myself repeatedly. My dog was very alarmed. Because I was distraught af. I couldn't believe this was really happening. My happy place was being decimated before my eyes.

Look at the range of emotions on Tim's face before he delivers that line though. Eric you why you doing this to me? They blow this scene out the damn water. it's so visceral. and raw. He looks like he's about to have a breakdown before he delivers that line. Battling with himself about it. There's a desperate need to want to stay with her. But his self doubt and hatred wins out knowing he isn't deserving. Do I think he came out thinking he was going to do this? A little. I think the more he spoke about it and himself the decision was made. He wasn't going to be be talked off this ledge.

The way Lucy replies after this rips my heart out. This break up feels like death by a thousand paper cuts. Months later and this hurts just as much as the first time. Lucy doesn't hold back in the least. Telling Tim he doesn't get to do that. Her line about using it as an excuse is so spot on. This Ray situation has hit VERY close to home for Tim. An insanely sensitive subject for him. It's rubbed against a wound that never really healed properly. Just was buried in the back of his mind.

He doesn’t have the capacity or emotional maturity to handle it. So he ejects out as a coping mechanism. Lucy calls his ass right away for it. It’s so painful to her that he is doing this excuse. Because it feels like a crappy cheat to them. To her. It's truly a cop out and our girl deserves better than this. Especially after all they’ve been through together. All that rapport and trust they’ve built over the years. It’s an insult to who they are as a couple and the relationship they’ve developed. Sadly that all vanishes in this moment. It’s stunning Lucy and straight murdering my feels.

Her ‘That's not okay.’ is a dagger to my shipper heart. The way she continues to repeat herself cause she's in shock. Ugh.This goes down as one of the most painful breakups I've had to go through. Lucy is so upset he is going this route. Melissa had a great interview (quite a few actually.) About the lie line and using it as an excuse for Tim. She noted Lucy is upset cause how he’s acting isn’t them. That they get to have these conversations. Not only have them but recover and grow from them. It’s what she expecting from him in this moment. It's what she expected from his 5x08 Mantra going into this relationship.

She is telling him I’ve got your back. I’ve got you. What are you doing? What happened to ‘Unless it is?’ Lucy continues to vehemently disagree with him. As she should. The worst part is Tim says ‘I know.’ Like he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Knows to eject after everything isn’t ok. Yet he can’t stop himself. He is not emotionally mature enough to handle this conversation properly. Also too blinded by his own self-hatred to see the unconditional love she is showing for him in this moment. God this is painful.

Tim then comes in with the breakup line of ‘You’re an incredible person.' Lucy can’t believe this shit . She really can’t. That Tim is is doing this to her. To them. Even though Tim is being genuine with his statement. You can hear it in his voice. Doesn't do anything to soothe the wounds he's causing. Once again Melissa crushing it with the upset body language. The mannerisms are so on point. Maybe it's because I'm Italian and I use my hands when I'm upset. I do exactly what she's doing. Why I appreciate it so much. It's so real.

It's a cop out what he is doing. 'It’s not you it’s me' schtick. We see the anger building in Lucy. She can't even look at him in the second gif. For him to toss away what they have is painful enough. To do it based off a cliched excuse is destroying Lucy. Thinking what they had was worth so much more than this. Thought they worth the nasty fights. No way she knows fully what happened or she would figure out why he's really doing this. That’s what makes the rest of Lucy's replies so god damn tragic. She is trying to hold onto him for dear life. But is only being pushed away in return...

Tim continues to push forward with this breakup. Letting her know she deserves better than him. It's SO much deeper than that but it's the only way he can convey it right now. Her ‘Oh my god…’ This is her worst nightmare. Her biggest fear come to life. This is why she hesitated starting this relationship. Why she was so afraid of risking her most important relationship. It's unfolding before her eyes and she can’t stop it.

Like a bad dream she can't seem to wake up from. We all wish we could...Tim has never felt worthy of Lucy’s love, light or praise. This reaction just proves that. It's been building for a long time and this is the final result of it. It’s not logical but a trauma brain rarely is. The amount of emotional and physical abuses he endured growing up left it's mark. Has him truly convinced Lucy could never love him knowing what he did. Tim feels he does not deserve her comfort, support or love.

Punishing himself and denying what he need most because he feels unworthy. Thinks he has made a mistake so grave there is no coming back for him. No way she could love him if she knew. So he like Angela stated earlier Tim is protecting himself. Pains me to watch. Now as I've said before it's not to excuse but to explain his side of it. I understand why he's doing it even if it's fucked up.

He doesn't give Lucy much more than she deserves better. Tells her it's why he's walking away. This man feels so undeserving of the love she has to give. In his mind he thinks he’s doing her a kindness. To separate herself from such a shameful and broken man. That she could do better than him. To Tim he made the biggest sin and can’t live with himself about it. He can't envision a world where Lucy would love him through it. The tragedy is she already was in this scene.

Lucy isn’t hearing any of it. Full on panic spiral that I shared in this moment. Her ‘Don’t do this. Why are you doing this?’ Is the most soul crushing part. She can feel him slipping through her hands. Like sand rushing through her fingertips. She can’t hold onto a grain of him. Can only stand there as he gives up on them. His face in the third gif...Knife to my soul. *screams into a pillow* It's killing him to walk away from her. Eric and his expressive eyes has me bawling. The quiver in his bottom lip as well. Gah it hurts to watch them both in so much pain. It’s the way she pulls away with one hand, but is clutching his other hand for dear life, that really gets me in that last gif.

Asking him once again why are you doing this? I shared that sentiment in this moment.. Tim stands firm in his decision to end them and rip all of our hearts out. Eric had a great quote about how Tim handed this whole thing. ‘He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through. And it can come out as a bit too strong.’ He feels he is a burden Lucy therefore he is removing himself. Not thinking about the damage it’s going to do to her. The immense regret he’s going to feel when he regulates a bit more.

Something therapy has taught me is we are ruled by our nervous system. Anxiety, stress, fear etc Tim’s was haywire in this moment. All of them going off at once. Not thinking clearly. Acting out of fight or flight. He took the flight option unfortunately. The tragic way he grabs her head and gives her the saddest head kiss. Shattering all of our hearts in the process. It’s the devastated look on his face when he strokes her hair and takes off. One final gut punch from him. It's like he’s leaving behind his greatest treasure and can’t bear to be around it any longer. Lucy is clutching to him until he departs. *snifffle*

The man actually thinks she is better off without him. Truly believes that. Even if Lucy had succeeded it keeping Tim, this would've reared it’s ugly head again down the road. This breakup ruined my friggin life. I kid you not. They were my happy place. My consistent happy place. And now that was gone. It affected my mental health a little too not gonna lie. I think I was in mourning for three weeks. Honestly I still am. Low key will be till they're fixed. Those three weeks were unbearable. But also needed. Thank you again to my bestie D for being my mourning partner through out that. Kept me sane.

That being said I think this will push them in the best direction. A healthier and stronger one. I truly believe that. I recently broke up with a friend who I had been friends with for ten years. It was very hard on me but time. Boundaries were being pushed and it wasn't healthy anymore. My therapist pointed me to a wonderful book called ‘Goodbyes and good boundaries. ’ While It helped heal my heart it also has really good pieces in it. Stuff made me think of this very ep tbh. Sure that wasn't her goal LOL But my brain is always in a Chenford state of mind in some way or another.

First one that made me think of them. ‘Health cannot bond to unhealth.’ As much as it wasn’t fair for Lucy. And god it wasn’t after everything else this season. Tim was in such a radioactive state staying with her wouldn’t have worked anyway. He was radiating turmoil. Lucy can do a lot for him but not this. He NEEDED therapy so much. There are things you learn in there that only your therapist can help you with. He was unhealth and Lucy was trying to keep her empathetic healthy self to him. It was never going to work. Not unless Tim put in some work. Which he couldn't at this point in time.

“Relationship often die not because of conversations never had but rather conversations needed but never had.” Another good one made me think of them. Tim was not ready in the least for the adult conversation required of him in this moment. Or their entire relationship really. They both danced around the issues a lot. 6x02 closest we got. Even then it was one sided. Thus them dying in this moment. Despite Lucy’s damndest to keep them afloat. Remind him of what they’re fighting for. Of why they started this. This breakup was painful af. Despite how this wrecked my world it’s going to be good for them in the long run.

I will say Lucy in that last gif was all of us in that moment. It was a soul crushing moment that decimated this fandom. Still blows my mind Melissa and Eric were surprised just how insanely devastated we were. Why they did those lovely posts during the three weeks. To thank us and to hold on. Growth is coming. They’re going to be even better after this. Doesn’t mean this didn’t hurt like a SOB and won’t long after they reunite. Curse you Eric and Melissa. You are incredible to evoke such emotions out of us all.

Thank you for going through this with me again. It wasn’t easy but they always worth it. Appreciate any and all comments, likes or reblogs I get. I shall see you all in 6x07 :)

Side notes non chenford

Balian doing the creepy bed thing again. Just have to note that.

Also can’t believe they didn’t end the ep with their breakup. There is a whole minute or so of I don’t give a shit after that scene. I was so distraught they could’ve had Nolan walk into a wall and I wouldn't have noticed.

[paragonrobits]

its something of a small thing but you know what I really liked in X-Men 97?

in a lot of the X-Men specific stuff, the other heroes of the Marvel universe don't often show up; if its a mutant problem, often the X-Men have to handle it on their own. And it makes it feel like the other heroes, the Fantastic Four and the Avengers and everyone else, doesn't CARE about mutant suffering; that the oppression of mutantkind, that there are roving genocide robots made specifically to kill them and incinerate their children or drag them away to detention facilities to never be seen again, is irrelevant to them unless retaliation from mutants is inconvenient to them.

Some writers take this as an in-universe thing, certainly, but its always been something that... bothers me.

And then, we come to X-Men 97. On the heels of the horrific Prime Sentinels (themselves able to work quite well for the fear of the disenfranchised that revealing yourself to one of the 'normal people', those that aren't LGBT or aren't on the autistic spectrum or are neurotypical, will get you killed because they might suddenly turn on you) reactivating and invading all over the world, seemingly normal people unleashing incredibly deadly and destructive powers against mutantkind.

And what do we see?

The most prominent sight of superheroes across the setting fighting the Prime Sentinels.

From Cloak and Dagger and Daredevil making their grant appearance in what seems to be an expanded Marvel universe from the 90s marvel cartoons, to Doctor Strange using his medical expertise in a depowered hospital, and perhaps most prominently T'chaka acting as the Black Panther to effortlessly dispatch Prime Sentinels invading Wakanda as well as urging world leaders to not rush to attack Asteroid M because they don't know the situation and what history will state if they make a panicked decision, we have the superheroes of the Marvel universe explicitly fighting against the Sentinels.

And what are Sentinels, if not walking representations of hatred, oppression and systematic death?

Maybe it's just because I've been reading long enough to see when the X-Men gradually started to be pushed away from being a major part of the Marvel Universe to being almost isolated, but it feels really good, and like a statement, to see the biggest inclusion of superheroes across the board being shown as they fight against the Prime Sentinels.

[atthebell-moved]

hi, i completely agree that the fandom has a problem with misogyny and often fails at self-introspection. my question is, do you have any resources/tips/thoughts on how to be better about it? even, how to recognize it in yourself the first place? "ok i'll stop being a misogynist now" is a lot easier said than done, especially for people who might not be that educated on the subject, and majority of the people in this fandom are quite young as well.

this is long as fuck and possibly somewhat incoherent bc it took so long to write but i did my best

my biggest tip for people who don't know much about misogyny is to look at your own behavior and learn how to clock what you're doing as sexist.

are you criticizing a female creator? think about why you're doing it, what the actual beef you have with them is. if it seems to be just a sense of discomfort or thinking they're annoying or overly loud or pushy, think about male ccs who act the same way and why you dont consider them annoying. are you annoyed with them for being on a male cc's stream? why? does it feel like theyre taking up too much attention? do you get annoyed with them for talking too much or flirting with guys? for gaming especially-- do you get annoyed with them for not knowing something or being "bad" at a game? think about why that is and why its just funny when a male cc is bad at games or doesnt know something.

a HUGE problem i see in this fandom is the Madonna-whore complex, repackaged as the little sister-racist dichotomy (kudos to @yourlittlemenace for that phrasing).

if a female cc is deemed to be "playing nice" (doesnt talk too much, is "nice", streams with male ccs but doesnt flirt with them, isn't "overtly sexual"), she's the little sister of the group. all the male ccs "protect" her, she literally folds their laundry, she doesnt call out how people treat her, and the fandom pretends that this is a normal and cool way to treat women who are public figures. this also goes for mom/big sister/etc. if you think you haven't done this, think about all the aus where you've forced puffy into some kind of maternal or sisterly role when it made no sense. then think about how pissed people got when she decided not to be the server therapist and was "mean" to Tommy (in lore, with permission. that she didnt even need to get. see that clip i rbed earlier from her podcast.)

if the fandom decides she doesnt play nice, if she flirts with male ccs too much or stands up for herself or points out how unfair it is that she's being treated this way, she gets demeaned, harassed, and shunned by the fandom. consider, again, puffy. consider how niki flirted with wilbur and talked about misogyny and got called a racist for *checks notes* "speaking to schlatt and fundy" and "not being a native english speaker". she got called a slut and a queerbaiter for kissing another woman despite being bisexual.

consider how hard people went down on hannah for having said the r slur several years back versus how hard they went on dream for the same thing. and how people dug it up as a direct response to her being on stream with dream. consider how every time hannah talks about how unfair it is that the mcc subreddit treats her like trash, she has to delete all her tweets bc they harass her to hell and back and act like she's an asshole for pointing out their hypocrisy.

the fandom doesnt do this across the board; i shouldnt have to say this, but its not an everyone versus no one issue. some people do this outright and loud, some dont seem to realize theyre doing it, and a few people dont do it at all (incredibly rare, i can count on one hand the number of people who genuinely seem to try to avoid these issues, which is why im complaining).

in terms of lore, have you ever once done analysis on a female character? why do you think you haven't? the bechdel-wallace test is an (imperfect) way of gauging how a piece of media ignores women and prioritizes men. think about the fact that there are FOUR female ccs on the DSMP and they are continually ignored in favor of male characters. consider that puffy and aimsey both talked about trying to do genuine lore and getting shafted, either because no one was online and wouldn't put in the effort to stream with them or because they received insane amounts of criticism for breaking anything on the server, despite the clear lack of "no griefing" rules and the precedent that you can blow other people's shit up (tommy leveling one of puffy's builds, amongst many other examples).

a quick thing about ships: have you ever wondered why m/m ships are so popular? the general consensus amongst people who care about feminism and are into fandom studies is that for a long period of time, m/m was hugely popular because women are so rarely written as full and complete characters in any media. so people took to engaging with m/m ships and writing about them because they were the most fulfilling relationships, and because misogyny led them to be predisposed to be uninterested in female characters.

say an m/m ship is incredibly popular, something like, i dunno, john watson and sherlock holmes from bbc sherlock. lets also say the canonical media presents one or both of the characters with a female love interest. how do you think a fandom that prioritizes m/m ships and is primed to be disinterested in women as characters (either because of our society's role in teaching people that women do not matter or because of fandom's history in assuming female characters are not fleshed out) is going to react? if you said theyre going to send undue amounts of criticism her way and act like its an act of homophobia to give a canonically straight character a female love interest, congrats, you've figured out a huge component in fandom misogyny. take this, amplify it over several decades, and add the psychic damage that supernatural gave society. queerbaiting is bad but mistreating female characters in service of nonexistent queer relationships is also bad.

this is relevant in general but i also believe its relevant for the dsmp because of the complete lack of m/f ships. aside from phil and kristin, who are literally married irl and kristin isn't even on the server, there are no m/f ships that involve female creators. this is not, despite what you may think, due to the inherently yaoi nature of minecraft roleplay. this is because the creators, including the male ones, are afraid of the blowback of m/f flirting and how fucking awful people are to female ccs anytime it happens. once again look at niki. as another example, consider how notfounders harassed the living daylights out of mxmtoon for flirting with gnf on twitter. if i was a cc i would avoid it like the plague too considering how happy people are to dig shit up about them or accuse them of being a slut or an attention whore/"pick me girl" for speaking to a man.

one last thing, this is more about fanart than anything else but stop drawing women to look like teenage boys. the amount of fanart i see where i literally cannot tell if someone has drawn niki or tommy is fucking insane. niki has curves. draw her with them. if you cannot draw women or people outside a very specific body type you cannot draw. fatphobia and misogyny have a clear overlap.

i cant think of anything else and ive already spent forever on this. look into feminist media analysis. think twice about how you react to female ccs & female characters. consider not just what characters have interesting stories but who is allowed to have interesting stories. you might be neglecting someone who has a lot going on because you're dismissing a female character as inherently less likely to be interesting. you might not even know someone has an interesting story because the fandom neglects it so completely.

as a final little note: like i said earlier, if you're not familiar with gender & sexuality studies, you may not know this, but homophobia and transphobia are rooted in misogyny. the idea that gender is immutable and rigid is because of the patriarchy. this is why gendered slurs are used against queer people and why queer men in particular get accused of and demeaned for being feminine. your understanding of queerphobia is incomplete without considering how sexism plays a role.

also go read everything rayne fisher-quann has ever written but especially this piece on getting woman'd and listen to you're wrong about

[lilflowerpot]

so you've talked a bit about Voltron and Last Airbender on this blog, and I was wondering about what both the galra populace in general and Lotor specifically would think of Zuko's refusal to fight his father. would it be viewed as noble or as disrespect/cowardice?

Zuko's conduct would be considered noble, but Ozai's was disgraceful.

Zuko: "If I'm going to lead this nation one day, don't you think I need to start learning as much as I can?"

One of the very first things we see of the events leading up to the Agni Kai, is Zuko's reasoning for even being present in that war council in the first place: he is determined to learn from his father and those whose council the Fire Lord keeps, so that he himself may be properly prepared to wear the Fire Nation crown when that burden ultimately falls to him. This is not only noble, but dutiful too, and shows an incredible level of self-awareness & responsibility given that Zuko was only t h i r t e e n at the time.

When one of Ozai's Generals explains his plan to sacrifice a division of entirely new recruits to an Earth Kingdom battalion, intending to use them as a diversion with the self-confessed expectation that they will all fail and die, Zuko's response is one of outrage—

Zuko: "You can't sacrifice an entire division like that! Those soldiers love and defend our nation! How can you betray them?"

—and this is exceedingly telling of his moral character. Where all the veterans in that room take this to be an acceptable loss (and the General who suggested it in fact seeming quite perversely pleased with the idea), Zuko views these untested greenhorns not as pieces on a board, but people; his father's people, one day his people, and though everyone in that room sees great value in them and their loyalty to the Fire Nation, Zuko alone thinks not of how to exploit this but rather how to be worthy of their devotion rather than see it misplaced.

So from a galra perspective, Zuko has many of the qualities that I previously expressed would win Keith favour:

straightforward without a taste (let alone the aptitude) for mind-games

stands with absolute conviction and is willing to fight for what he believes in

kind, considerate, and loyal

Iroh: "The Fire Lord became very angry with him. He said that Prince Zuko's challenge of the General was an act of complete disrespect, and there was only one way to resolve this. [Agni Kai, a fire duel.] Zuko looked upon the old general he had insulted and declared that he was not afraid, but Zuko misunderstood. When he turned to face his opponent, he was surprised to see it was not the General. Zuko had spoken out against the General's plan, but by doing so in the Fire Lord's war room, it was the Fire Lord whom he had disrespected."

Now this is actually crucial to understanding Zuko's character and sense of loyalty, because he never intended to disrespect his father, and frankly I don't think he had any idea that Ozai had even taken offence until he was stood across from from at the Agni Kai.

Zuko: "Please, Father! I only had the Fire Nation's best interest at heart! I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!" Ozai: "You will fight for your honour." Zuko, falling to his knees, head bowed: "I meant you no disrespect! I am your loyal son." Ozai: "Rise and fight, Prince Zuko." Zuko: "I won't fight you." Ozai: "You will learn respect, and suffering will be your teacher."

By the end of this exchange, Zuko is on his knees, tears literally streaming down his face, and trembling like a leaf. He is terrified, and yet, despite that, we are explicitly told that Zuko outright refused to fight his father—nor did he resist in any other manner, or so we can assume by the placement of his burn scar being the entire front half of his face, rather than on his arm had he shielded himself, or on his back had he run—and thus Ozai further condemns him, claiming that Zuko's refusal to fight him had been a display of "shameful weakness."

This would be significant to the Galra threefold.

For one, and I cannot stress this enough, Zuko was a child. As I've reiterated a thousand times children are precious to the galra, immeasurably so, and therefore to raise a single hand to a child is grave offence, but to not only burn them so severely that it scars, but make a public show of it?? That kind of cruelty is an outrage. If Zuko was wrong, he deserved to be corrected and educated (something he himself actively sought hence his attending the meeting in the first place!), not mutilated.

For another, there's the scar itself. Horrific as the circumstances surrounding its acquisition were, from a galra perspective Zuko's handling of the situation was befitting of the greatest of warriors. Imperial attitude towards scars are such that they are generally considered badges of honour: something to be revered and even reveled in. A scar is the mark of a battle survived, and in fact, the only instance in which a scar might be treated with disdain is if it were on one’s back, as this might imply either foolishness for having turned away from your enemy, or, worse yet, cowardice due to the bearer having tried to flee rather than fight. Zuko, however, despite his youth, despite his fear, despite not deserving it in the slightest,,, faced his father head on and accepted Imperial judgment. There are fully-fledged warriors ten times his age that would struggle to do the same, and that alone is worthy of the highest commendation.

While the galra would consider the Agni Kai itself a perfectly acceptable method of resolving an otherwise unsolvable dispute, the bare minimum one would expect would be each participant knowing who the other was and on exactly what grounds the challenge was set. So finally, even if Zuko were an adult who spoke out against a plan that his Emperor endorsed, he did so without knowing that his Emperor endorsed it: Ozai at no point made this clear, we know from context that this was Zuko's first time in the war room (so he had no prior frame of reference for what was / wasn't appropriate), and upon learning that his father had taken offence he immediately //throws himself at his feet in sincere apology and pleads for mercy//... there were several steps that should have been taken before resorting to rite of combat, and Ozai disregarded each and every one in favour of making a malicious point. It wasn't behaviour befitting of any galra in a position of power, but least of all the Emperor.

Ultimately, the galra consider it the Emperor's duty (or, in this case, the Fire Lord's) to serve and protect the Empire and all its citizens; yes, sometimes this is going to come at a steep cost, and yes, sometimes the good of the many may indeed come at the cost of the few, but irrespective of whether Zuko's opinion at the war council was right or wrong, Ozai's reaction was entirely disproportionate. For all the galra are a people with a strong sense of loyalty to their Emperor/Empress, this is something that’s supposed to go both ways, so they will remain loyal to their Monarch only for so long as said Monarch is loyal to their people in return, and absolutely nothing about Ozai's conduct surrounding the Agni Kai indicated that this was the case.

Tldr; Ozai's a POS, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[veala2]

“ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴇᴀʀ’ꜱ ᴡɪꜱʜ.”

SYNOPSIS - On New Year’s Eve, a special boy explains his wish for the new year. A new year with their perfect partner in it…

CW - gn!reader, Ace being a class-act goodball, some lovestruck kids being extremely lovestruck, Ace falling on top of you, did I mention he’s being a goodball?

A/N - Woo! I’m on #5 and I never thought I could do this. So, yay for me!

Portgas is a simple man with simple needs. And he only really wants to spend his New Years with one person and one person only…

Luffy, duh-

NAH I’m just messing with you. It was you, obviously.

But he really was considering Luffy…

No, he took you out to a secluded field with a good spot for star shooting. He wanted to stay on board, but Ace has a hard time staying in one place.

His wish is one even more simple:

For the whole world to disappear.

Ok, maybe it’s not so simple.

A shooting star streaked across the sky. Your eyes lit up, mouth shaping in surprise while dragging a finger across the sky in the form of the star. Possibly more mesmerising was the goofball running over to you. A trail of fire following behind.

He flops down on the ground, falling on top of you and causing you to lose your breath for a second. Managing to push him off of you, you smack him in the arm.

“Ace! You could’ve killed me, you dolt!” You exclaimed, making him laugh boisterously.

“No, you wouldn’t have. C’mon, I got somethin’ to tell you.”

You turn on your side and gaze over to him. He cheekily gives you a smile, a hand on his head and a twinkle in his eyes. You couldn’t decide whether it was the stars in the sky or just him.

“I know what my New Year’s wish is. I wish for the whole world to just… disappear.”

You went silent for a second. Then started laughing, completely lost by his words.

“Honey, that’s the silliest, most ridiculous thing I have ever heard for a wish. I never would have expected that from you. Why’s that?” You ask, watching him get up from his sitting position, pulling you up along with him.

“Baby, look around! This- this is incredible! If the whole world just went away, I would make it so it was just the two of us and we could travel. Travel the world and explore to places that we wont have to worry about getting caught by the Marines. Try new and exciting things. And when it’s all finished, we could come here and enjoy the night’s natural beauty.”

You felt your heart skip a beat. He took you in his strong arms, picking you up and spining you around before letting you down. You giggled, taking his face in your hands.

“God. That is the silliest, most ridiculous and most sweet thing I have ever heard in my life. And I’m so grateful to have you in it.”

“Even in our crowded world?”

“Especially. Because you’re my world.”

[utilitycaster]

on Laura's characters

This has been rattling around for a bit, and I've notably been pretty critical of how Laura's characters have been treated by the fandom, and I think a lot of the discussion of Imogen, overlaid with the discussion of Vex during TLOVM, has put it into to focus for me:

Laura plays characters that allow her to explore a lot of very selfish or self-serving behaviors, as well as the dark side of selflessness. This is, in my opinion, one of the very last lines people are squeamish about female characters crossing - and it's across the board, too. People who are comfortable with supporting women's wrongs often balk at supporting women's uglier, smaller choices, particularly for women who are otherwise portrayed as heroic. Sacrifice is still seen in a lot of women-centric media as the greatest gesture, and works where women are unabashedly self-serving are harder to find. It's why Delilah's nonstop villainy in the name of love gets a pass, but few people look head on at Vex's petty cruelty to Keyleth.

Vex is an incredibly selfish person. She is also unique among Laura's characters in realizing this about herself, and not liking it very much. It's mostly sympathetic - what are D&D shopkeepers but opportunities to haggle and ask weird questions, and Vex's anxieties about money are very justified - but less so when it comes to her possessiveness of Vax. It's very understandable that she feels protective and possessive towards him, but that doesn't negate her unkindness. Vex pressures Keyleth to the point of tears at least once (granted, it was a difficult day for everyone) and pushes at Vax as well, to the point where it causes a small but definite rift between them. At worst, this selfishness - this desire to have Vax for herself - is turned into jealousy of Vax, rather than of Keyleth, so that it can be reframed as in the name of romantic love (which is considered a more acceptable form of selfishness than familial, but that's for someone far wiser than I to unpack). However, even when that doesn't happen, it's often glossed over. The same is true for Vex stealing the broom. It's fine if you disagree with the alignment change decision - I don't particularly care for it - and Laura certainly didn't deserve hate for taking the item of a character who would never show up again. But it is a purely self-centered choice. She wants to fly, she sees a way to do so, and she takes the broom of an ally and lies about it. There's no in-game justification for this being anything but selfish, and it says a lot about her character that she does it, but the things it says are messy and difficult. I don't think you can appreciate Vex's full arc without understanding that it is her pushing past this selfishness. Holding grudges is perhaps the most selfish act of all, of keeping all that hurt to yourself and never granting forgiveness. "Sineath" is about a lot of things, but that is one of them.

Jester is much less selfish when it comes to material things, but she is, especially early on, frequently inconsiderate or insensitive. It comes from a place that is devoid of malice, but definitely does not think through the ramifications for others. This shows up when she's dismissive of sums of money that are immense for Caleb but mean little to her, or her willingness to deface temples despite the risk. However, Jester is, far more, an exploration of the darker side of selflessness. What does someone feel, when they think they must constantly be a light to those around them? Where do their frustrations come out? We see that it weighs on Jester in how difficult she finds it to balance the responsibilities and demands of Artagan during Traveler Con, and again, when she becomes aware of the potential self-sacrifice needed in Eiselcross. Vex had to learn to let go of Vax and her grudges and her need for approval from people who would never give it; Jester has to learn to start taking and putting herself first.

And then there's Imogen. Vex and Jester's selfishness was tempered by their extroversion and empathy, which at times makes it easier to ignore. While they may have self-interests, and struggle to regulate what they do or do not give (in different directions), they do, in the end, like people on the whole. Imogen does not. It's understandable, given the stress they put on her, but her powers and her judgement mean that she is a lot less able to create boundaries between them and herself. As a result, when she lets herself become closer to people, she doesn't recognize when treating her friends as a sounding board might be hurtful or insulting to them. This comes out notably in her repeated consideration of the Vanguard's position. It's fascinating because it can be seen as her trying to understand other people, especially her mother and the members of the Vanguard we've seen. There is legitimate hurt behind Tuldus, Ludinus, Liliana, and Otohan's motivations; but the person to talk over this with is not Orym, whose husband and father-in-law were innocent collateral damage to these plans, nor Laudna, who was murdered by Otohan.

I think people really shy away from the dark sides of all of these characters. People tend to focus on Vex's competence, Jester's role as the heart and light in the party, and Imogen's trauma, without realizing these are all perpetuated by that exploration of selfishness and selflessness. But given how central this is to all three of these characters, I think this is also why the fandom is often so quick to turn on them - they do not want to face how much Vex cares about her father and Vax, or how what Jester needs is not unconditional support nor concrete instructions, but honesty and a willingness to listen, or that Imogen has the capacity to do great harm to those she loves and does so, but these are all major parts of those characters. Ignoring that is how people believe Vex's arc is underserved; it's not, but you can only see it if you are willing to admit who she is at the start. It's easier for them to consider a Jester frozen in the early part of the campaign than the far more emotionally mature woman she becomes because of what it says about selfishness.

Imogen is interesting, because I've actually seen far more arguments of her as a complete monster than those absolving her. If Imogen becomes more unsure at Orym's words and needs a complete lack of judgment to come around that makes her truly heartless and unfeeling, rather than someone who has an understandably if unintentionally cold and strange way of understanding thoughts vs. words. vs. actions. I suspect this is because both Imogen herself, and the fandom, have less of a grasp on Imogen as her own person. And, to be fair, this is true of the fandom's perception of Vex and Jester; they just had better in-universe senses of self. But I'm interested in seeing if the perception of Imogen shifts back to how it was prior to episode 48, which is a more consistent discomfort with the way she puts herself first.

[8bitscarlet]

Sun To Me

Summary: You don't remember a single winter where you weren't either stuck outside in a blizzard or stuck inside during a blizzard. Neither was ever fun to be in. But just this once, the blizzard may be the thing you always hoped for.

Pairing: Wanda x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Fluff (mention of alcohol, alcohol consumption, suggestive moments, mention of strip poker)

Word Count: 8.1k

A/N: SURPRISE! I carved out some time between doing work things, (neglecting work things) for a day and wrote out a little bit of this series. This weekend I have absolutely nothing to worry about for work so I've decided to sneak in this "little" chapter of AOP. Definitely not little, consider it reconciliation for being away (tho I am leaving again). Happy Reading everyone! 💕 And Happy New Year!

*please do not repost or translate my material or claim as yours. reblogs, comments and likes are always appreciated!*

___________________

"Can I borrow your phone?"

A hand glides across your shoulders, your eyes slowly rising up from the words you read. You guide a fork of food up to your mouth as you see the redhead notice the steaming cup of coffee you made for her. She peeks over at you with a soft grin,

"I forgot to plug mine in last night."

You hum unconvinced, pointing noiselessly to the counter as you chew on the breakfast she made before jumping in the shower. You flip to the next page of the newspaper, knowing that you plugged in her phone after she passed out halfway through the season you were watching. She just doesn't want to make the short journey back to the room.

She mutters out gratitude as she walks past you and as she leaves your sight, you feel your throat close. Choking on the food you were trying to swallow, you jump to your feet as you try to yell at her to wait.

As you turn, hacking up a lung and blinking away tears, you're too late. Wanda stands there, shaking your illuminated phone screen at you. Your eyes lock on the photo from when the two of you were undercover during a Brazil summer, you never experienced humidity like that before. You look like a tourist in your sweaty tank top with an incredibly loud and unbuttoned shirt flowing above your board shorts.

The smile on your face was real, you could see the crinkling around your eyes as your peace sign showed up behind Wanda's head. She was leaning against you, acting exhausted. Which you both were, bloody knees and covered in dust and mud, but you were both alive.

"I give Cap a run for his money in that photo," you clear your throat as you try and play off your sudden jumpiness to get some juice.

Wanda narrows her stare, "If anyone looks that good in the photo, it's me."

A chair scratches out behind you as you let out a casual chuckle, but you stare inside the fridge as you feel your heart beating heavy. You take down an entire glass, keeping your eyes away from Wanda as you pour another.

"Speaking of, Nat and Steve are still in the clear. This incoming blizzard is probably helping that,"

You nod, almost forgetting that the two of you were out in the middle of nowhere for a mission. You were supposed to be the chauffeur once Nat and Steve got a hold of some plans Yelena needed to do some black market trade on information for Strucker. It was a boring mission and easy to forget, especially when those green eyes were always across from you. They were all you could think about.

Turning, those eyes sit across the table as you take your seat. She has her legs curled up onto the seat, cabin socks pulled up high onto her calves and her cheek leaning on her knee with a soft grin as she watches you. Her eyes almost seem to brighten when they catch yours. You can feel a warmth on your face but you take a sip of the juice in your hand. 

“What demise have you planned for me today, Maximoff? Monopoly? Clue?”

She chuckles, flicking aimlessly through the sports section she took from your newspaper, “Seeing if you noticed the poison.”

You glance up at her, “I did. That’s why I’m eating it.”

Wanda rolls her eyes, finding your weather app and staring at the radar, “How long do we have until that storm comes in?”

“According to my calculations,” you stab your fork into the paper, “Should be picking up within the hour.”

“Well, at least we don’t have to be out there.”

You make a face, “Oh yes, because I enjoy just sitting here and listening to those static radios all day.”

Wanda slides your phone back to you, floating over the last pancake on your plate to her hands. You clench your brows but she starts to talk before you can steal it back, “Don’t be a party pooper just because you suck at card games.”

Your mouth falls now, first the pancake attack and now an attack on your pride. Standing up, you throw your plate away and start to wash the breakfast dishes, “There is no way you got to UNO so quickly,” you mutter the last of your words beneath your breath, “I’d win if it was strip poker.”

She stands up and bumps you out of the way, making you dry and put away the dishes, “And what’s your definition of winning? Having the most clothes or having no clothes?”

You shrug, leaning back against the counter as you spin your towel covered hand inside a cup, “Depends on the company.”

Wanda chuckles, “I’m sure it does. And today, you can play it by yourself. While you go get more wood.”

You groan and extend your arms out across the table, pressing your cheek against the newspaper.

“You’re the one who’s always cold. You get the wood.”

Green eyes flash to yours, cocking her brow as she takes her fork and softly jabs it into the center of your palm. You clench your brows together, feigning excruciating pain and let out a whisper of a scream. Peeking through one of your shut eyes, you see her nose scrunch and eyes crinkle with her smile. 

“Didn’t know torture was a hobby in your kingdom, princess.”

The fork digs ever more into your palm and you cringe at the stinging, wrapping your fingers around it and yanking it from her grasp. Wanda leans back into her seat, 

“You should see what I can do with a spoon,”

Standing, you throw all the dirty dishes into the sink, “Pretty unoriginal if you just scoop out my eyes.” Peeking out the window, you see the clouds starting to darken. If you were going to refill the logs for the fire, you’d have to work double time.

“Promise you’ll think of something less boring by the time I come back,” you start to slip into all your layers, trying to get your foot into your boot.

“Only if you promise to also not be boring,” The words mutter out from the side of Wanda’s lips. 

You frown, slamming your foot down into your boot, “I’m going to lock you outside in that blizzard.”

“I’m not making hot chocolate tonight,”

The grip you have on the back door tightens and you can hear the metal creak and dent beneath your fingers. Slowly, you turn and close the door to the whistling wind. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” you narrow your stare as those green eyes narrow back at you,

Wanda shrugs as the steam from filling the sink, “Try me.”

With a sigh, you place your hands on your hips and watch her for a moment. Casually scrubbing plates and cups. 

“I’ll bring the wood for your fire,” you give in to her soft glances and grin that teases at the corner of her lips, “And I guess I’ll make it too.”

As you open the door, you feel the warmth of something land on your face. Glancing over, you feel the same warmth as Wanda flicks water at you. 

“Don’t take too long,”

You give a snarky grin, “You’ll miss me?”

“Ha! No, I’m cold and that fire is way too low. If you take too long, I’m going out there to make sure you weren’t mauled by a bear.”

Waving away her laughs, you make your trudge out into the blistering cold. You let out audible grumbles but you have a smile that spreads along your burning cheeks and warmth through your body that you hope stays.

__________________________________

You huff out as you trudge through the snow, chuckling to yourself as you watch your breath escape in a frozen cloud in front of you. Bending down, you pick up another fallen log and add it to the sack of other logs you toss over your shoulder.

“Y/N, are you laughing right now? Do you realize how cold it is and how far we are from warmth?”

Adjusting the bag to your other shoulder, you start to jog forward with a grin, “I can see the house from here. And you wanted to come help.”

Wanda groans as you pass her with a laugh, “Because you kept letting all the cold air in when you left for wood. God, it’s so cold. My feet are frozen!”

You stop, dropping the firewood into the snow and trudge back to her as you slip out of your jacket. Throwing it over her shoulders and buttoning it to stay, you feel the cold run down your spine as you quickly snatch the bag up again. 

“You’d be absolutely terrible to go out on a lam with you know? Thank god you’re a hero.”

Trudging forward, dragging your feet along to try and make a walking path in the snow for the slow poke behind you, you hear complaining noises behind you.

“Can’t you carry me?”

You whip around, “Carry you?”

Wanda nods, adjusting some of the wood in her arms, “Aren’t you plagued with super strength. Just throw me over your shoulder.”

“What am I, Santa Clause? You’re the magical being here. Fly back to the house.”

You hear her let out a humph as the wind starts to pick up now, howling around you as you pick up your pace. You get to the door and rush inside, brushing off the snow from your now soaked through sweater. Ripping it off, Wanda stumbles through the door and lets out a violent shiver.

“How you doing? You okay?” You ask and she looks at you, knowing that tone, “Ten minutes in the elements. You need your last rites?”

“I want a towel, that’s what I want. You ass,”

You grin and take the little logs she managed to bring in and carry them over to the rest of the wood you had been gathering. Deciding Wanda will stay alive for the next five minutes, you go back to your room and quickly change out of your soaked clothes. The dry fabric instantly warms you as you tuck your sweatpants into your socks. There’s a loud creaking in the piping and you stop, kneeling down and pressing your hand against the vent. 

Slowly letting out a breath, you don’t feel any warmth blowing out onto your hand. This will certainly be a fun announcement, you think and wonder how Wanda is probably gonna set this whole house on fire to stay warm. You peek your head into the den and let out another sigh, there’s still no static coming through. You tried already to knock some snow off the antennae, with mixed results on your descent. This blizzard’s already knocked out vital equipment and it hasn’t even hit full force.

Trudging down the hallway, you come around the corner with an amazing slide on your socks. Opening your mouth to let Wanda know the situation, you stop as you hear Wanda whispering in front of the fire. Feeding it more wood as she tells it to grow bigger and warmer.

“Are you talking to-?”

“I’ve seen how stroking your ego makes your head bigger, figured it would make the fire bigger.”

You point at her but let her have this when you see her teasing grin, reaching out for the bottle of whiskey on the counter. Tossing a towel at her, you start to pour some of the amber liquid into the coffee mugs you had this morning. Wanda squeezes the water from her hair as you hold up one of the mugs, 

“This should keep you warm.”

Wanda hums and floats the mug towards her outreached hand, the warmth of her magic tickling up your arm, “And make bad decisions.”

You shrug, “I won’t let you run out into the blizzard naked.”

She scoffs as you slowly make your way to her, never taking your eyes from hers. You stop at the back of the sofa, eyeing the wood and wondering if it’d be better to move it all to a bedroom. A smaller space to warm. 

“Why am I going to be naked? Is that why you’re keeping your distance?” She glances at how you’ve sat awkwardly against the couch edge, “Or was it cause you’re afraid of me for talking to the fire? I’ve heard being sociable is wildly attractive.”

You glance down at your whiskey as you swirl it around after a small sip, “I’m sure people have a lot of reasons to think you’re wildly attractive.”

There’s a soft silence between you, forcing your eyes to rise and see a playful grin on her face, “Does the alcohol reach your brain that fast?”

“Is that how you always sit on a chair?” you counter, seeing her sitting on the arm rest, as if she’s prepared to take off at any moment. 

You both stare at each other, sipping from your mugs together and grinning. The wind howls outside and snow swirls around the windows but inside, there’s nothing but warmth. A comfort. You would never admit it, but you’re thankful for this blizzard. An unexpected lengthening of the mission. Wanda lets out a hum as she slithers into the seat, curling her legs up. 

“What,” you chuckle, “I didn’t plan this. And I didn’t sign that mind reading waiver.”

Wanda sips on the whiskey, “You’re telling me you can’t control the weather?”

“Innocent,” you hold up your one free hand as you follow Wanda’s move down into your own seat, “Get Natasha on the radio right now, she’ll tell you. Well.. you could if the storm didn’t knock out our comms.”

Her brow rises slightly, seeing that you’re still hiding something. You take another sip of whiskey and hide behind the mug, “And our heat.”

“Oh yes, I see. Far too much work to alter the atmosphere, cut off all our communication and have our heat taken away. I’m not important enough to go through all that trouble?”

You breathe in carefully, “You…,” leaning forward onto your knees and feeling the warmth of the alcohol running through your limbs, “Have no idea how important you are.”

Wanda places down an empty mug, “Don’t I?”

You grin, a confidence she always hid running off of her, “You are more important than that North Star.”

Her green eyes widen, a slow breath filling her lungs as she rolls one of the rings on her fingers, “You paid attention.”

“To you? Always,” you have your eyes follow your movement as you place down your mug, “Wanda?”

“Yeah?”

Clearing your throat as you try to get a chuckle out, you massage the stiffness from your fingers, “I’ve heard of another way to get warm.”

Wanda raises a brow, “With how you’re talking, I’m a little worried.”

“I read in a book once,” you start jokingly, and Wanda turns her head, covering her mouth to keep herself from mockingly asking that you can read and looks at you with gleaming eyes, “It’s easier to pass body heat when there isn’t clothing interfering.”

“How about we use that as a last resort, after your beloved strip poker. Because you can make a fire in here,” Wanda laughs as you watch her walk off to the bedroom, the wood floating behind her. Your chuckle falls short as you make a face at the scene. Wondering why she didn’t do that out by the shed and bring over all the wood. You shake your head but smile like an idiot to yourself, knowing she just wanted to be there. 

Leaning against the doorway, you watch her try to set up the logs. She’d been watching you for the past week, asking questions and being so close her touch and smell intoxicated you more than the whiskey ever could. Wanda’s fingers set up the twigs and rolls the newspaper as she floats the light up to her hand and starts to try and get this fire roaring. 

Working your way inside, you watch her in silence and grin at the seriousness on her face. Moving the logs to the holder, you hobble after one that rolls away from your grasp. You watch it get engulfed in an iridescent red glow and slowly float towards and then past you.

“Why are you limping?”

You tie up the bag of extra logs and toss it in the corner, “What?”

Wanda watches the fire for a moment and then looks back to you, “You’re limping. What did you do?”

“Oh, you know,” you shrug as you try to hobble quickly out of the bedroom and to the kitchen in an escape. She calls out your name but you’re fast on this throbbing ankle. But as you reach the kitchen and push up the sleeves of your shirt, Wanda is already there. She runs her hands down your arm and gently looks at the scratches on your hands.

“What happened?”

You sigh, “I climbed to fix the comms this morning. And it was really icy up there,”

“You fell off the roof?!” she exclaims, smacking you for not telling her before. You swat away her hands before they actually hit one of the forming bruises on your body. 

“The snow doesn’t provide much padding, I’ve learned,” you grimace out as the soreness in your shoulder is finally appearing as you lift the filled kettle. 

“Jesus,” Wanda whispers and yanks you away as the water starts to heat up, “Come here,”

Her yanking is insistent. She’s not asking permission to shove you down into the chair. And she’s certainly not apologizing for making you shout out in pain when your weight falls onto your hip. 

“That hurts!” You flinch away from her touch as she tries to look you over for some probable internal bleeding. A damp towel floats into her hand and the warmth is soon dabbing at the swollen scratch on your cheek that was hidden from the redness caused from the wind whipping outside. Her leg rests on your thigh, providing her support and you can feel the pressure slowly start to turn into pain. That was where you landed directly on a camouflaged tree stump and buried your face into the frozen ground to muffle your yell. 

But you have no frozen ground to muffle this yell, “Ow!” you shout directly in her face. 

“Well dammit, Y/N! What doesn’t hurt?!”

You look at her, “Why? You have some voodoo magic? A Sokovian old wive’s tale you swear by?”

She raises a silent brow, telling you in a simple stare to watch your tone. She didn’t make you fall off the roof and she didn’t cause the embarrassment you’re feeling for no reason. With a sigh, you lean back into the chair and point towards your shoulder, “Here,”

Wanda rolls her eyes and mockingly kisses her hand and presses it against the throbbing shoulder. You can feel the warmth without seeing the muted red that escapes her palm, “The building isn’t that high.” 

“The ground is that hard. Here,” you point to the top of your head. Her lips press softly against her glowing palm as she gently pulls off your beanie and presses the warmth against the injury free part of your forehead. 

She leans close, your breaths merging together as you can still smell the whiskey on her breath. Her eyes glance over you, searching for hidden scratches. Gliding over your stare and finding their way to your lips. She pulls in a deep breath, fingers gently running across your neck, 

“How do you feel now?”

You watch her eyes find yours again, your hands resting on either side of her thighs. Feeling how gently she sways, how close she lingers. Your body is warm, as if every square inch of you is being massaged out of every kink and knot. It comforts you in a way you’ve only found from this witch. A comfort that’s only grown more addicting with each passing day, each passing moment. 

A violent whistle explodes through the house. Both of you jumping and any thoughts of finding more comfort ends. You lean back into the seat as Wanda glances back at the screaming kettle. Leaving your side to silence it, you push off of the seat and limp around her.

There’s nothing but silence between the two of you as you work in unison. Handing her mugs that already have each of your favorite tea’s tossed inside. Wanda pouring in the boiling water as a floating spoon puts in the exact amount of required sugar. It was a perfect concert of movement and thoughts you’d never expected to share with anyone. And as you look over at the red head, you know she hasn’t read a single mind in your head. All of this being simple subconscious, your conscious thoughts racing with other contemplations.

_____________________________

Blankets are thrown and a hood is pulled taut around your face. Feet are slammed into slippers as you shuffle quickly across the floor and a hiss follows after you. 

“I’m keeping the fire going!” you call back to her, as you quickly stack the logs to keep the fire fed for hours to come. The bedroom is warm everywhere the orange glow touches but the cold fingers of the dark close in as the evening continues. Threatening to make your breaths reappear. 

“You’re letting all the cold air in!” Wanda rolls herself in the loosened covers as you climb back into the bed. You yank the stolen sheets back to you, dragging her closer to you as she doesn’t dare let go of the warmth. 

“I should’ve just moved my own bed in here, blanket hog,” you mutter and try to hibernate your whole body beneath the blankets. 

But cold has snuck its way in as you feel a sharp chill on your bare arms, vulnerable after you shoved up your sleeves so they didn’t burn with the fire. You jump from the chilling fingers that wrap around your arms. 

“Wanda,” you shiver out and yank down your sleeves, “Where are your freaking mittens?”

“I lost them in the snow, stop moving the sheets!” she yells through gritted teeth and pulls more of your sheets, surprising you with this hidden strength. 

You groan, moving with the yanking and flipping yourself over onto your other side. Taking your hands from your hoodie pocket, you wrap your arms around her. Wanda tenses, rolling away and shoving you back to your side. 

“What the hell are you doing?” her green eyes flicker around your face, her words coming out nearly breathless.

“Do you want them to find us frozen to death in here? It’s just getting colder.” Wanda narrows her stare as you continue, “Or I can keep these little hand warmers to myself.”

Wanda rolls her eyes, “You ass,” flipping back over and pulling your arms back around her. You rub the hand warmers together before pressing them against her, feeling how cold she had been even with all these blankets. She lets out a quiet moan and you're silenced as your breath catches in your throat. Slowly, her body stops the beginning of its shivers and her chattering teeth have stopped. 

“Thank you,” she whispers as she scoots herself further into you, your arms wrapping ever so slightly tighter around her. 

“What letter plan is our last resort? L? Q? Cause if we die of hypothermia I’m going to blame you,” you mutter into her neck and she shivers a little bit. 

She knocks her shoulder back into you, “Don’t do that,”

“What. I’m just talking, Maximoff,” you breathe out heavily and watch the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Before you can pester her more, she whips around and presses you down onto the bed, her fingers wrapped tightly around your hoodie. 

“I’m going to murder you before the cold does,” Her hand smashes you down into your pillow,

You nod your head side to side for a moment, “That’s smart. I could be a good food source. I’d eat through the leftovers we have first, though.”

“Shut up,” she says and when you look up, you expect her rolling eyes and her to flop back onto the bed. But neither of those things happen. Her grip on your hoodie has softened, the palms of her hands resting lightly on your body. Wanda rests on top of you, her eyes flashing down to your lips and up to your eyes. You clench your brows, fingers creeping up to her wrists, “Just…”

“Just what?” you chuckle nervously, unable to read what’s happening in front of you, nothing but complete seriousness on her face.

The palm on your chest now hovers over your face, her thumb tracing along your face. You breathe calmly, finding her studying eyes as her thumb slides carefully across your lips. 

“I think you should just kiss me,”

You feel the shock first. Your body nearly falling limp as all of your senses explode. Feeling exactly how she rests on top of you, where each of her fingers presses down onto your body. The smell of firewood smoke and lavender wafting off of her and into your nose. The flashes of firelight that show how wide her pupils have exploded in her eyes.

It’s a quick paralysis. The part of your brain you’ve had chained finally getting the permission it’s long been waiting for.  You grip the back of her neck and slam your lips against hers. She straddles your lap as you press yourself up against the headboard, lips moving in unison. Her lips are as cold as the air around you but you can feel the warmth of her breath as her lips part in a sigh. 

Pulling apart, she rests her forehead on yours as you both pant out into the darkening evening. You feel her fingers grip onto your hoodie tightly, pulling herself towards you, closer than you thought could be possible. And you watch the grin on her lips form ever so softly. 

“We should’ve done that sooner,” she breathes out with a chuckle, but you don’t chuckle with her. 

“Wanda-,” she presses her fingers to your lips. 

Her lips gently find yours again as your hands glide across her thighs. You're intoxicated every moment she touches you, any discipline you had all these months forgotten with a single kiss, a single glance. Your hands rest at the edge of her sweater, pushing up the fabric and your lips parting for only a moment as it rises above her face. Your fingers trace along her silk skin beneath the long sleeve she has under. Her fingers grip your hair tightly as you guide your lips down her neck. Spending time at the tender pulsing point under her skin, listening to the quiet moan that escapes her lips. 

“I swear to god,” she sighs out but pulling you closer, “If you give me a hickey, I’m-,”

“Uh huh,” you mutter, “Ripping my limbs off.” You peck her lips, “Blah,” and again, “Blah.”

It’s nearly cold enough to see each other’s breaths perfectly as you pant out into the darkness. You don’t mind the chill. Both of you undressing until there’s barely anything left but the electricity coursing through your veins. 

The fire burns brightly behind you now. The glow curling around in a comforting warmth, lighting up the woman in front of you. Cupping her face with a careful touch, you part yourself from her lips and listen to the whining moan that comes from her. 

“You’re not supposed to stop. We’ll start thinking,” she warns you, but doesn’t yank you back to her. 

Your eyes study her, the flickering of the flames and the glowing of the moon that comes through the waning clouds. Staring at her now, there’s a feeling of weightlessness inside of your chest as your limbs begin to tingle. Your fingertips explode with sensations with each trace down her arms you drag. 

“Are you-,”

She can see the worry on your face, the thoughts you hide and the desperation in your eyes to not let this be a one time thing. But it’s a secret you try to hold, yet you know how well she can read all of them. Her green eyes wash over you, memorizing you with each slow blink. You don't want this to be like all of your other times. Animalistic and feral, ripping clothes off. You’d rather it never happen at all then to happen like that. 

“Yes, Y/N.” she whispers, “Are you going to kiss me again or do I have to do it myself?”

You grin at her, “Yes ma’am.”

       Those green eyes become hidden as you press a soft kiss onto her lips Her fingers grip your hair tightly as you softly guide your fingers down her neck, admiring each curve and line on her body. Not wanting to miss a single mark on the woman in front of you. 

            You hook beneath the straps of her bra, as you guide your mouth down her soft skin. Kissing along her collarbone, you plant a long kiss against her shoulder. You know that these shoulders hold more than just these straps every day and you hope to help her slide it aside. They've carried the memory of her family upon them. The world that thrives because of what she’s done, what she’s sacrificed. She holds everything so effortlessly. Never a complaint to the world, but you’ve seen the weight nearly destroy her. You know her. If you can, you’ll help take it all away for just a moment. 

She arches towards you, running her nails down your back before she grabs your face and brings your lips back to her. You sit up to work at the final layer on your body but she grips you tightly, her eyes begging you to stay close. To look into her eyes and see her. 

And you do. 

You hover over her as her fingers slowly unbutton each button with her delicate fingers. As you look into her eyes, you don’t want to hide anymore. One by one, they come undone just as you come undone in her eyes. You know these eyes have seen your insecurities, your fears. One by one, they showed themselves to her. 

Slowly, she slides the soft fabric down your back, feeling the way your muscles clench against the cold touch. Nails turning white as you grip her tighter, not letting her stray from you. 

“Drop it, Y/N.” she whispers as she pulls the fabric from your hands. You clench your brows softly as she runs her hand down your back again, “You’re not just carrying the weight of that button down.”

You breathe out carefully, slowly lowering yourself as you wrap your arms around her. Pressing kisses against her lips. Not feverishly and forceful like before. You aren’t desperately grasping at this moment to keep it from slipping away. You’re holding on deeply to have it last. 

Gripping the blankets the two of you were fighting over, you throw them over your bodies as you grip Wanda’s waist. Guiding your kisses down her body, you cover every inch of her sweet body with your lips. Caressing her curves with the tips of your fingers as you soak in her beauty. It feels like you’ve waited all your life for just this single moment, an inescapable feeling of being whole. 

You were constantly reminded that nothing was perfect, everything has its flaws. But as you memorize every part of the woman in front of you, how soft her skin is beneath your fingertips, the lavender that wafts from her and intoxicates you, how her fingers hold you so close, to her quiet sigh, you realize something. That if nothing was perfect, then she was absolutely nothing. 

“You’re so warm,” she sighs out, her fingers reaching for you. You intertwine her fingers in yours as you climb up from her thighs, slowly kissing her jaw. 

You freeze, hovering just above her lips and wait for those green eyes to flutter and rest on yours. She smiles when she sees you there, her hand resting on your cheek. 

“You’re…” you breathe out a heavy sigh, grinning over how she’s taken away every ability to be irritating. “You’re gorgeous. You have no idea how beautiful you are.” you tell her, pressing a deep kiss onto her lips. Wanting to stay just like this.

Her hands hold onto you tightly and her sighs fill you with a warmth you’ve not felt in years. A brightness that you swear you can see shine from within her. And you wonder, if this was the only time you’d ever be able to let that light shine without messing it up. How each of these moments together has been in darkness. Can you only feel her in the darkness? Were you still hiding?

You remember a time where you lived in the light, but now you’re worn out. Scared of what that morning light could bring as it swept away the darkness of the night. The night that you could hide behind. You knew that she’d be there through the night, a single bed and a fire made it certain. But when the morning light came, nothing would hold her there. 

You could be everything she needed in the night but for her to stay in the morning and for you to exist beside her, your hope couldn’t reach that high to lie and say it was possible. 

“Y/N,” she whispers against your lips and you feel your chest constrict as she speaks your name in such a way. Your palm pressing against the cold skin of her stomach, listening to how she gasps at your warm touch. “Don’t leave.”

You stare down at her and swallow tightly, would she wait for you to wake from the darkness? You take your hand and glide the back of your fingers across her cheek, stroking away a fallen tear. 

“Wanda,”

“When we get Sturcker. Don’t leave. Stay.” her voice barely reaches your ears, but when it does, it’s like a jackhammer on your chest.

Looking down at her, you see her. You’ve always seen her. Sitting outside your cell, she was never a witch. She was the woman with emerald sea eyes that peered so deeply into you. You’ve seen her and you know her. Every physical inch of her and every emotional inch.

She knew this, she bared her fears and vulnerabilities to you. And you’d done the same. You see everything you need right here. You realize that you don’t care where you are, as long as you’re with her. That’s all that matters to you now. 

You shake your head, “I’m not going anywhere.”

She sighs and closes her eyes tightly, the slightest grin forming on her lips. 

“Hey,” you whisper to her gently, pressing against her dimple as you wait for her to look at you, “Wipe that grin off your face and kiss me.”

____________________________________

You hear the soft beeping of your alarm. 535 in the morning. It was time to start your day and you could feel a tightening in your chest that was never there before. You’re terrified to open your eyes. Wondering if she was still there. If wanda laid there still next to you or if it was all a cruel dream. 

As you reach out for your water to quench the dryness in your throat, you feel a weight on top of you. Unfamiliar to any other time you’ve woken up. Opening your eyes slowly, you see that Wanda lays across you. You eye the completely empty side of her bed with a grin. It was warm inside the bed, you could stay in here a little longer before you face the blistering cold. The day would keep moving so you stay anyway. 

Arms are tied around each other and your legs are numb as hers wrap tightly around your knees. The sun sneaks through the window blinds onto her face as you look down at her. You grin, grateful for the rising sun that burned against closed eyes and woke you a second time. If only to see this. 

The sunflower intricately weaved into the chain around her neck. She truly was the sun itself. 

The sun that shook the frost from you. That had you not acting so angry all the time. Or keeping it all inside. You try so hard to tell her how much you care for her everyday but you don’t even know what that means. That you care for her. You don’t have any words yet, as you reach forward and swipe a stray hair from her face. 

She sighs in her sleep, scooting closer but her grip loosens. Freeing you to finally get the day started but you continue to stay there, for just one moment more. Every breath you take with her reminds you that each day is now yours. A hopeful thought as you rise out of the bed, ensuring the blankets keep Wanda nestled in their comforting warmth in your absence.

Sneaking back inside, you hear her starting to wake up as shake the chill from your bones and the snow from your feet. The smell of coffee fills the house and you ensure her coffee is made exactly to her liking. As the fire begins to reawaken with the logs you feed it, you place Wanda’s mug onto the bedside table. 

“Are you still alive?”

There’s a muffled groan and a half asleep voice comes from within the pillow, “Depends who’s asking,”

You crouch down in front of her, swirling the coffee underneath her nose. She scrunches it, much to your amusement. 

“I’m asking.”

She grins, trying to hold down her giggle, “Then no,”

You roll your eyes, “Oh come on. I see that little grin. You’re not even trying to hide it!”

Wanda looks out through one eye at you. She grins at your smile, the first sight of the day and you feel the warmth it sends through your chest. 

“Oooo, coffee?”

“Yeah, you know. To hide the morning breath,” you grin as you take a sip of yours. 

Her hand comes from beneath the sheets in a sneak attack, slapping your arm, “Yours is way worse.” That attacking hand reaches out again, this time grabbing your shirt and pulling you to her, “C’mere.”

You quickly place your mug on the bedside table before you’re both burned and you get lost in her kisses. You chuckle into her lips as she rolls to try and keep her lips on yours as you climb over her and clamber back underneath the covers. You flop onto your stomach, still halfway on top of her as she lazily runs her fingers around the back of your thigh. 

“You fixed the heater, didn’t you?”

You make a noise of affirmation, eyes feeling heavy in this warmth. She runs her cold hand up your shirt, a perfect contrast as you feel her fingers trace the scars on your body. 

“Wasn’t it cold?”

You shrug and then tense when you feel her lips touch your skin. Her kisses press against your scars all along your body. 

“If I could,” her breath brushes against your skin, “I would kiss these all away.”

Wanda presses a kiss against your cheek and her hair falls over you in a soft curtain as she lays next to you. 

“I’m glad for them,” you murmur into the pillow, your eyes still closed as her nose gently strokes yours. 

Her brows clench softly, “Really?” she whispers and you slowly open your eyes. 

“They got me here,” you say and see her grin, fingers stroking down your face, “Good morning.”

She raises her brows, “Indeed. How’d you sleep?”

You hum out, feeling her kiss your nose, “Did I snore?” Wanda nods and you feel it. You chuckle, “Then I slept perfectly. It was a long night though. 

She chuckles and sits up, wrapping herself in the hoodie you laid on the comforter for her and you open your eyes to her sipping on her coffee. 

“Last day on mission,” she whispers, blowing against the steam of her drink.

You make a noise, disappointed that it’s the truth. 

“How do you think everyone will take it after hearing about this?”

You sigh, “I say we just don’t say anything. How about that?”

She nods, staring into her coffee, “What happened in a snowed in cabin stays in a snowed in cabin?”

“Oh no,” you chuckle and squeeze the pillow, “I think we have a few things to talk about,” Your voice was light and joking but Wanda’s fingers stopped tracing along your arm, her eyes looking straight past you. 

Wanda breathes in carefully, “Jokes aside, we do have to talk this through don’t we? I… I meant it when I said you can’t leave.”

You lean forward, pressing your lips against her fingers, “I told you I had nowhere to go. But we’re already having the talk?”

She rolls her eyes, “You know, I don’t think you blaming being a mercenary for making you single is true. It’s just a talk, coward.”

You sigh, feeling her leg rest on top of yours, “I just slept with the strongest Avenger. I’m impervious to your insults.”

“Flattery isn’t going to get you out of this.”

“But,” you grin over at her, “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” And you’re right, your grin growing as you watch her nose scrunch and her cheeks grow red. 

The way she looks at you, the shock that jolts through you each time you see her and the flipping of your stomach when you hear her voice. It feels like it should be obvious what you should be feeling right now. But something feels wrong. Something inside of you is keeping you from latching onto her with no regrets and complete devotion. Something pushes you away and as she looks down at you, you know she can see it. She can see you.

With a silent nod, Wanda brushes back some of your hair, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now,” Lips press against yours as you breathe in deeply, “Thank you for fixing the heater.”

You hum out, feeling her fingers start their tracing once again and start to lull you back into a comfortable sleep. They trace over your scars and you just sink deeper into the bed, knowing you’ve told her about almost all of them on your body by now. But her finger runs against a rather new, raised gash. Over and over again, inspecting it with a careful stare. 

“That’s the one I gave you isn’t it?”

Chuckling, you glance behind your shoulder and point to a jagged gash on the side of your thigh, you remember your thigh was ripped to shreds that mission, “I’m surprised you didn’t go for this one.”

“Please,” Wanda rolls her eyes, “I’m humble.”

You hum, “That’s the one. A little to the left and you would’ve caught my artery. Talk about messy.”

She makes an intrigued sound but leans over to kiss it before sliding beneath the covers, “I thought about it.”

“I’m sure you did,” you press a soft kiss to her lips as she squeezes the pillow to her liking, “I’m glad you didn’t do it.”

“So am I,” she whispers, but you know there’s no period at the end of that sentence. There’s something eating at her still as her hand glides down your arm and the other settles beneath her head. Her fingers gently wrap around yours and your thumb slowly strokes along the top of her hand, an action you don’t even think about until you’re already doing it. 

You stay silent. Raising your brow gently, waiting for her to speak. You hope it won’t take long because you can feel yourself sinking into the bed as you let out a quiet yawn. 

“Do you hurt?” she whispers and you stare, waiting. “I don’t mean pain but your past. Does it hurt you?”

Taking in a deep sigh, you ponder for a moment and glance away with a burning feeling of shame for how you’ve lived your life, “Now that I've truly looked at it, I suppose it does.”

“Do you regret it?”

You pick your eyes up and stare into her, finding no judgment in those emerald eyes as she offers you more time to think, “Being a mercenary?”

You breathe in slowly, jaw clenching and grasp on her hand growing ever so slightly tighter. “It’s hard to regret something you didn’t choose. This… it was all I knew.”

“But if the choice had been yours, what would you have done instead? Could learn any trade? Would you be a farmer?” A smile expands on her face as she realizes something, scooting closer into you, “An astrologist?”

 You chuckle, remembering the chilly night on that cold bench, “Maybe I could find the Little Dipper.”

Wanda laughs, a sound so heavenly and sweet but her eyes intently wait for your answer. And you give her one. 

“But if I ever thought of being something else… Something that… I’m not. It happened so long ago. I don't remember.” Your voice is getting lower as your eyes grow heavier. Your body is so calm. You don’t know if you’ve ever truly relaxed as much as you have in this moment, “Did you dream of being a hero?”

Wanda thinks for a moment but soon the answer finds her, “I didn’t have much choice either.”

You turn your head more towards her, letting out a soft sigh, “Did you always want a family like this?”

“I lost my family,” her green eyes glance away from you, thinking of what could’ve been, “And I found another but… I dreamed of becoming important to someone. One day.”

The battle has been lost as your eyes fall, a hum coming from deep within your throat. A chuckle gently pulls you back for a moment, 

“Do I bore you?”

You open your eyes slowly, seeing the humor in Wanda’s eyes. You grin, eyes closing once again when you see she isn’t angry, “Of course not. I’m just listening better.”

She laughs, fingers just skimming your arm and leaving behind a radiating feeling with each pass, “Have you ever been in love? Been important to someone?”

You sigh, clutching your pillow tighter as you wonder if this would be the moment, “I thought I was, That scar on my chest is… well, I thought wrong. And the knife proved it. Never could let my guard down again.”

Wanda hums quietly, brushing the hair from your face and resting her hand on your forearm. Seeing just how much of your guard was let down right now, on a mission of all places. Gently, you open your eyes and look at her. A soft stare as her blown out pupils look to you, fingers running down and over the scar you mentioned. So vulnerable, she could kill you without a single thought. But all you feel is warmth. And you wish to let her know. 

“Before we met, my days were planned down to the hour. They were calm. My nights were restless, gathering enough energy to go get through the day. Sleeping on floors,” you grin lightly but her eyes haven’t left your half exhausted face, “But now, my days…” 

The world around you is losing physical form as your consciousness starts to slip away and so does your control on your tongue, “… You’re important to me.”

As you start to relax into dreams, you can feel a cold touch on your skin. Running across your forehead, you relax the wrinkles between your brows as the chill touch slides down the bridge of your nose. It rests on your jaw, a soft caressing along your cheek as you let out a soft sigh. Warm breath washes over your face and you feel the smallest grinning kiss press against your cheek. 

“The past has passed,” she whispers against your skin, “Let’s stay in right now.”

As her fingers trace along your body, it’s just you and her, and there’s nothing more you want. She’s everything. And you know exactly why your heart flutters each time her eyes find you, why your skin burns every moment her cold hands touch you. Whenever she’s near, you were right where you needed to be. And right now, it all became crystal clear. 

You didn’t need the night to be alive anymore. You could live on your own. But Wanda in the morning time makes you glad you’re still alive.

———————Chapter 17

[queenshelby]

An Illicit Affair

Part 12: The Greenhouse

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

Dressed in a black dress, you arrived at the university event early, ensuring that everything was running smoothly. 

The hall was decorated beautifully, with fairy lights strung along the walls and fresh flowers adorning each tall table. The sound of soft music filled the air, creating a romantic atmosphere while waiters walked around, offering drinks and canapes. 

As guests trickled in, you scanned the crowd, searching for the people you knew. You spotted James and Lucy standing near the entrance, laughing and chatting with others. Just like Cillian and the chair of the UNESCO board in London, James was a guest speaker at the event and since you, amongst some other students, were organizing the fund raiser, you had to act professional and polite towards everyone attending.

Your gaze then wandered across the room again and, eventually, you spotted Cillian who was accompanied by his wife Danielle and Max. 

The sight of them sent a rush of conflicting emotions through you. You wanted to see Cillian yet dreaded the encounter. 

After ignoring his text message a couple of weeks ago, following your date with James, you knew that your encounter with him might be awkward and Danielle's presence didn't ease the situation either.

She looked stunning herself and, ever since she married Cillian, she never missed an opportunity to showcase her wealth and influence as, clearly, she enjoyed his celebrity status more than he did. 

Danielle dressed up like she owned the fashion industry, wearing a white dress. Her blonde hair was styled to perfection, cascading effortlessly down her shoulders, and she flaunted her 4,000-pound designer bag with pride.

Max too was dressed to impressed, wearing a black suit and a slim tie. 

He couldn't deny that he looked good, but there was a slight awkwardness to his demeanor, a shadow of pain lurking behind his confident façade. His gaze shifted discreetly to you, a small frown creasing his forehead before he turned his attention to the person beside him.

Cillian, on the other hand, gave you a knowing smile and you knew that, at the very least, you had to greet him and his wife.

So, mustering up your courage, you approached them, smiling awkwardly.

"Y/N," Danielle greeted you, extending her slender arm, offering her manicured hand. "It is so good to see you again," she said, her voice dripping with artificial warmth just like when you had visited Max's family home in Dublin some time ago. There was always something odd about her but you knew to remain polite nonetheless. 

"It's good to see you too, Mrs Murphy," you muttered, shaking her hand briefly before also greeting Cillian and Max with a friendly nod.

"Hey," Max greeted you casually, his gaze lingering on you longer than necessary.

"You look incredible!" he added bluntly, a playful grin spreading across his lips. That remark took you aback but you smiled anyway, hoping that no one noticed Max's comment.

"Thanks," you responded shyly, your cheeks burning red in embarrassment as you quickly moved away from him.

"And, how have you been Mr Murphy?" you asked Cillian politely without making direct eye contact, simply to avoid having to further engage in a conversation with Max. 

"Good, thank you," Cillian replied, his tone low and gravelly. "You?" he asked, his gaze flickering downwards, a ghost of a smile touching his lips.

"I'm doing alright," you assured him, allowing the silence to stretch between you just before Danielle whisked her husband away, seeking an introduction to Professor Smith from the UNESCO board.

"It has been good to see you Y/N. I am glad you are doing okay," Cillian remarked coldly while casting a sideways glance at you. 

"You too," you nodded and watched him disappear into the throng of attendees as a strange mix of frustration and hope coursed through you, stirring up old memories and fantasies you had tried to suppress. 

Despite your apprehension towards engaging with Cillian again however, the event progressed rather smoothly, with various speakers sharing their experiences and insights on the importance of education and literacy. 

Cillian in particular delivered a moving speech about education and empathy, weaving together personal anecdotes, and compelling statistics that brought the audience to think of the importance of being kind to one another.

"Oh god, this is getting so old," Max murmured, standing next to you while listening to his father speak. "Didn't he say this stuff a million times before?" he asked rhetorically, rolling his eyes.

"Well, for what it is worth, I think your dad's speech is quite good and articulate," you defended Cillian, unable to help yourself despite Max's cynicism.

"Yeah, but I have heard it a hundred times before," Max countered, crossing his arms defensively.

"Fair enough," you shrugged your shoulders. "But, nevertheless, it is still relevant, isn't it?" you reasoned, raising your eyebrows. "Empathy in an education setting is important, especially nowadays, in the age of social media," you argued, catching Max's attention.

"When did you become a fucking expert on social issues like this?" Max retorted, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"I mean, I'm not an expert, but I know a thing or two about it," you responded coolly, turning to look at the stage where Cillian was wrapping up his speech. "I see many patients in hospital who inflicted harm upon themselves because of bullying. It is a big issue," you told Max as Cillian ended his presentation with a powerful call to action, urging everyone present to make a difference in the lives of others.

The room erupted in applause, and Cillian graciously acknowledged the support.

As the crowd dispersed, you caught him glancing at you from the speaker's podium. The intensity behind his eyes held a peculiar mixture of warmth and longing, which caused a tremble of anticipation to ripple through your entire body. With every beat of your pulse, you became increasingly drawn to this man again and, feeling increasingly overwhelmed by your emotions, you decided to step outside for some fresh air, hoping to find a moment of peace amidst the chaos.

You leaned against the wall, closing your eyes, letting the gentle breeze brush against your face for just a moment as, suddenly, you heard some footsteps.

When you opened your eyes, you saw Cillian approaching you with a questioning expression on his face.

"Need some fresh air?" he asked with a gentle smile, causing you to nod.

"Sometimes, the noise indoors gets overwhelming, doesn't it?" he continued, gesturing towards the open door. "Makes you want to retreat somewhere quiet," he added, a knowing spark lighting up his ice-blue eyes.

"Yes, exactly," you echoed, grateful for the understanding in his words.

You glanced back inside the room to check if anyone else had joined you outside. When you realized that nobody was paying attention to you and Cillian, you let out a sigh of relief.

The moment felt heavy with unspoken words and unresolved feelings. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a silver glow on the grounds. As the wind rustled through the trees, sending whispers of leaves dancing, you could feel Cillian's gaze on you. His proximity stirred a flutter in your chest, and you found yourself lost in his ice-blue eyes.

"You really enjoyed that, didn't you?" you said, finally breaking the silence.

"Enjoyed what?" he asked, puzzled by what you meant.

"Giving that speech," you clarified, biting your lip nervously. "It's empowering to see someone so passionate about something they believe in," you confessed, feeling a wave of admiration wash over you.

"Ah," Cillian nodded, his gaze flickering downward, thoughtful. "Yeah, it is something I don't mind talking about, I suppose," he said humbly, and, in that moment, his piercing blue eyes held a certain depth and maturity, making you feel drawn to him, his charisma undeniable.

"You suppose?" you giggled, unable to contain your amusement. "I thought you loved speaking in public," you teased him playfully, shaking your head in disbelief, knowing that, usually, he hated the attention.

"Well, sometimes I do," Cillian admitted, his gaze drifting away as it danced with the memory of the moments he spent addressing the audience. "But, honestly, I prefer smaller crowds," he added, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

You laughed at his honesty, sensing that he felt comfortable around you. This realization made you blush, a sudden surge of warmth enveloping your entire body.

"You should consider doing more speeches like that," you encouraged him, placing your hands on his arms gently. "People listen to you because of you who are. So they're impactful," you added, locking eyes with him.

His gaze lingered on you for a moment before he smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Perhaps," he conceded, his voice barely louder than a whisper as, through the door and windows, you heard the next speaker, James, being introduced to the crowd.

"You should probably go inside and listen to your boyfriend speak," Cillian suggested, arching an eyebrow mischievously. "Or he might get jealous," he added, his lighthearted humor making you laugh.

"What makes you think that I am dating James?" you asked Cillian, a flush of heat coloring your cheeks.

"I just assumed," Cillian shrugged, his eyes flickering nervously. "You seemed close," he explained, his voice trailing off.

"He's not my type," you replied, shrugging your shoulders dismissively. "Anyway, we're just friends," you added, your voice cracking slightly.

"Well, that's good," Cillian responded, a hint of relief washing over his face. "Because I think he seems a little too arrogant for you," he then teased, causing you to furrow your brow.

"Is that so, huh?" you replied coyly, glancing at Cillian with a sheepish grin. "Well, you might be right there," you admitted, feeling a tingle of excitement course through your veins. "He is a little arrogant and I still feel somewhat drawn towards a certain kind of actor, so...," you said, your voice dropping to a hushed whisper. 

Cillian's breath hitched and the air between you crackled with electricity, and you could hear the faint thrumming of your heartbeat echoing in your ears. The tension between you was palpable, and you knew that you were playing with fire.

"A certain kind of actor?" Cillian repeated, his gaze fixated on you.

"Yeah, but unfortunately he is unavailable," you added, your voice trailing off as Cillian's ice-blue eyes bore into you, a storm of emotions brewing in the depths of his pupils.

"I really miss you, you know?" Cillian whispered quietly, his voice trembling slightly. "I just cannot get you out of my fucking head," he admitted, reaching out to touch your hand, his fingertips grazing the sensitive skin lightly.

"I know," you murmured softly, leaning closer to his ear, your breath hot against his neck. "And, I wish I could say that I hate you for ending things the way you did, but I get it. I get why you did it," you confessed, your voice thick with emotion as Cillian closed his eyes, savoring the sweet sound of your voice as it resonated in his eardrums.

"Let's take a walk," you then suggested, pulling him toward the campus gardens. "I need some space to clear my head," you confessed, eager to escape the crowd and the looming threat of discovery.

"Okay," Cillian agreed hesitantly, following you through the grand entrance of another campus building, located on the other side of the greens and the parking lot. 

"Where are we going though?" Cillian asked you cautiously, his eyes darting left and right, scanning the area warily.

"Just somewhere more private," you whispered back, the scent of your perfume wafting tantalizingly under his nose. He could feel an insistent throb beginning to stir deep within his loins, straining against the confines of his trousers.

"Alright," Cillian agreed, reluctantly releasing your hand. "But remember, we can't be seen together," he reminded you sternly, his tone laced with suppressed urgency.

"Don't worry, I got this," you reassured him confidently, slipping your hand into his and intertwining your fingers with his before pulling him into the garden nursery, a small but secluded greenhouse not far from the function hall. 

"Here," you said, stepping inside, the dimmer light of the greenhouse engulfing you both in a warm cocoon of shadows.

The greenhouse was illuminated by soft glowing lamps hanging overhead, casting eerie silhouettes on the glass panes in front of you. The smell of damp earth and decaying vegetation permeated the air, a sharp contrast to the elegant surroundings you had just left behind.

"Can you imagine what would happen if someone saw us here?" Cillian muttered nervously, his voice quivering slightly.

"No one comes in here at this hour," you responded, taking a step closer to him, pressing your body up against his. "Trust me," you added seductively, tilting your head slightly to lock eyes with him.

"Are you sure?" Cillian whispered in your ear, his warm breath fanning out against your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

"Yeah," you murmured, leaning in closer, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. "Let's just enjoy this moment," you breathed onto his shoulder, gripping his hand tightly.

"For tonight, yeah," Cillian agreed, pulling you closer, his fingers tracing lines along your bare arm before, finally, he pressed his lips on to yours. 

This time, the kiss was different - deeper, wilder, more desperate. It was almost primal as you both fell back against the nearest bench, your bodies colliding with the hard wood surface with a dull thud. Cillian pulled away from you for a second, panting heavily before gazing at you through half-lidded eyes.

"Fuck, I missed this," he gasped, his voice hoarse and strained as he traced your jawline with his fingertips delicately.

You couldn't resist the temptation any longer and kissed him back, passionately, your tongue exploring his mouth eagerly.

"Y/N," Cillian moaned, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly, pulling you even closer until you could feel his erect cock against your thigh.

You reached down, cupping his erection through his pants, and groaning in response.

"I missed this too," you panted, stroking him roughly through his trousers while he quickly unbuckled his belt. 

"Let's get these off," he whispered hoarsely, his breathing labored as he tugged your dress up past your hips, exposing your underwear.

"Hmm, but we better be quick," you told him before reaching beneath your dress and sliding off your panties and letting them fall on to the dirt covered floor.

"Agreed," Cillian grunted as you then lowered his zipper completely and slid his jeans down to his knees.

His cock sprang free, and you immediately climbed on top of where he was sitting. You then reached down in between you to stroke the tip of his cock and guide it right to your wet pussy. He grabbed your hips and helped you lower yourself onto him while he stayed seated. Your inner muscles instantly clamped down on his hardness, and he groaned loudly as his cock disappeared inside you.

"Fuck, Y/N," he gasped, watching you carefully. "You're so tight," he complimented you, squeezing your asscheeks gently.

"Oh god," you whimpered, grinding your hips against him, enjoying the sensation of being fully impaled on his cock.

"This feels fucking amazing," you admitted, looking directly into his eyes, feeling incredibly vulnerable and exposed.

"So fucking good," you repeated, rocking your hips against him harder.

"Shh, not so loud," Cillian hissed, glancing around nervously to double-check that no one had entered the greenhouse.

"I can't help it," you pleaded, burying your face in his sweat-soaked neck while trying to muffle your cries.

Cillian groaned loudly, his grip tightening around your waist as he thrust upwards into you.

"Fuck," he hissed, his fingers digging into your flesh painfully.

The rhythmic slap of your bodies smashing together sounded harsh in the otherwise silent greenhouse.

"Tell me how good my pussy feels, Cillian!" you whimpered, grinding your hips against him while his cock twitched inside you.

"Fucking perfect," he growled, his hands now resting on your ass, squeezing it tightly. His cock slid in and out of you with practiced precision, his strokes steady and deliberate. Each thrust sent a shockwave of pleasure through your entire body, and you couldn't help but cry out in ecstasy.

"Oh god, yes," you moaned, clutching handfuls of his shirt as, suddenly, you couldn't hold it any longer. 

Your orgasm came crashing down on you like a tidal wave, your body convulsing uncontrollably against his own.

"Fuck, fuck," you screamed, clawing at his skin desperately as you bucked your hips wildly, cumming all over his cock.

"That's it," Cillian growled, his voice strained and raspy.

"You're so fucking tight," he groaned, slamming his cock into you mercilessly, his balls slapping against your ass repeatedly.

"Jesus, I love it," he added, his grip tightening around your waist.

"I love it too," you moaned, running your fingers through his hair lovingly. The intensity of your lust and desire for each other seemed impossible to contain, yet you both reveled in the forbidden nature of your encounter.

"I've missed you so much," you whispered, your voice hoarse and ragged.

"I've missed you too," he responded, his voice cracking slightly under the weight of his emotions.

"I want you to cum inside me Cillian. Please," you begged as you rocked your hips back and forth, meeting every thrust with equal force. "Please fill me up with your cum," you whined, arching your back and throwing your head back, your hair falling down like a curtain of silk.

In response, Cillian buried his face in your neck, sucking and kissing the tender spot behind your ear. It drove you crazy, and you began to grind against him harder, feeling his length throbbing inside you as, eventually, he reached his climax too. 

You could feel his cock pulsing, spurting jet after jet of hot sticky cum into you, filling you up completely.

"Fuck, that was amazing," you whispered breathlessly, collapsing onto top of him, your sweat-slicked skin sticking to his.

"Definitely," Cillian agreed, holding you close, your faces mere inches apart. You could sense the beating of his heart under your cheek, the warmth of his breath on your temple. In that moment, everything felt right. You felt whole until, eventually, you had to break it up and head back to the function, which is where Danielle was already looking for her husband.

"Where have you been?" she asked him as you both returned separately, through different entrances. 

"I just needed some air after the speech," Cillian told her casually as he reached for a drink while Danielle gracefully pulled a leaf from his hair.

"Some air?" Danielle arched an eyebrow skeptically as she fixed Cillian with a scrutinizing gaze. "Okay," she added, brushing the stray strands of hair off his forehead, which is when she noticed a stain on the collar of his otherwise pristine white shirt. 

She squinted suspiciously, her lips curling into a thin line as she spotted what appeared to be some make up. Red lipstick mixed with a stain of foundation. 

To be continued...

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