#the acting is certainly good enough but everything else is so inconsistent

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

In Class 2

I was going to wait to binge watch the rest of the show tomorrow but honestly I need to put this show behind me for several reasons. Let me just get this out of the way before I say anything else. I am a big fan of the manhwa, simple as it may be. I have lived with these characters in my head for two years now. So my bias is clearly showing. But one thing that I want to make perfectly clear. Just because I love the manhwa, and admittedly I have a bias, does not mean I am dense, and incapable of watching and judging the show as it's own thing. I still have a brain. Ok. Now for the show. This usually goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. These are my opinions. Read at your own risk.

This is not a bad show. It's also not a bl. And that fact alone, makes this a bad adaptation. Let’s be honest, they adapted a bl and turned it into something that’s not a bl any more, as many have stated before. This is a kdrama with queer themes. Liking the show, and even acknowledging that it’s good, doesn’t change that fact. And if people honestly can't understand why people would have a problem with that, then nothing I will say about it will make a difference.

Now for the actual show. As a kdrama this isn't a bad series. The characters have depth, the astronomy metaphors are clever, even if at times they felt really heavy-handed, the acting is really good, for the most part, and there are some brilliant scenes that could make this show a great one. But it doesn't all come together. It's inconsistent. And it doesn't commit to its queerness. It's a series that was made two years ago, and it shows. Maybe even further back, actually. Which, regardless of my feelings for the source, is just sad. I'm not a romance kdrama watcher so I have no real frame of reference in that regard. But it seems like this show wanted to be a couple of different things but ended up not being either. It's not queer enough to be a bl, but it's too queer to be mainstream. It's not hard to see why this show couldn't find distribution for two years. They were aiming for mainstream but that was never gonna happen two years ago. Well, it didn't happen right now either, so...

My favourite part was the sisters. I love them. I think their various adventures in dating were really important as a parallel to Heesu. Which is one of the reasons I don't think the Chanyoung and JiYu couple were necessary to drive that point home. Nor do I think that's why they were there. One of my favourite scenes was Heesu coming out to his sister. And her reaction basically being, "Oh, I should say I love him now, that's what one should do in this situation." It was so well done.

Ahn Ji Ho was great as Heesu. Just really great. His emotions shined through beautifully throughout the whole series. Lee Sang Jun also did an amazing job as Seung Won. His physicality was on point at all times. I love these two so much. 

I think time was not used efficiently here. Mostly with the queer couple. I live for pining besties. But by episode 9, there were way too many chances and everything with the hets was already in the open, so why stretch it out? Cause it feels purposefully stretched. The editing in the final two episodes was a mess and I kept wondering what might've been left on the cutting room floor. It just didn't flow at all, and I kept getting pulled out of the emotional journey. It really seemed like they were forced to have 10 episodes but they couldn't really give us more than 5 minutes of the boys together so they made a mess of things in the final stretch.

I think the friendship between Heesu and Chanyoung was the weaker part of all this. They never felt, to me, like best friends. A lot of times, there's an issue with friends to lovers, which is the blurring of lines. You are crushing on your best friend, so everything becomes deeper, more hurtful, than if he was just your best friend.  I think for the most part, Heesu navigated this pretty well. We've certainly seen much worse. He slipped sometimes and messed up, but he never really stopped being by Chanyoung's side. 

However, this is still a very unbalanced friendship, mostly because of Chanyoung. He makes fun of Heesu for not having any friends, but it seems like he has the same problem. Cause it seems like he only reaches out to Heesu when he has a problem. He comes and goes as he pleases, and if he hadn't been sleeping at his house and seen Heesu unable to sleep, I doubt he would've noticed anything was wrong with Heesu at all. I'm not saying Heesu was a perfect friend, btw. But the confession scene and the subsequent summoning of Heesu to the tennis court where Chanyoung could feel safe, where he literally has home court advantage, where he could throw balls at Heesu, was a step too far for me. (Also, JiYu, you could do better!)

I liked the final three minutes because I have a heart. And I could finally watch my boys be together even if only for a short time. But it came too late and it stumbled too much to get there for me to feel the level of joy that I usually get. I think I needed more of them throughout the show to feel that same sense of joy when they moved past all the hurdles and finally got together.

I think maybe I should stop now. I think I could forgive more about this show if it was actually mainstream. If I could say, you know what? At least we're getting a queer coming of age story in a mainstream kdrama. I might still not like that they chose this manhwa for it, because there’s no shortage of those, so to pick one that is just about two boys falling in love and little else confuses me. But at least then I could feel like something was accomplished here. As it stands, I'm just left disappointed by a show that I had been waiting for since I first read the manhwa a couple of years ago.

[cake-by-thepound]

How inconsistent children casting on TWD is? One would think it's not a big deal, especially if the children are practically babies and not a big factor in the story, but I think details are important no matter what and are what defines quality in all its aspects. You, as a writer, surely know what I mean. No matter how superfluous something in your story is (I personally think that nothing is superfluous, tho. Otherwise, it'd mean the writers is not a good writer), it has to be consistent. >>

It has to feel real. I get that it’s not easy to find twins a certain age who live in Atlanta, but Judith literally changed her eyes’ colors through the seasons. And what about Andre? They couldn’t find a three years old child whose skin color was consistent with his parents’? Those are details, but, you know, to those who pay attention and like to watch well thought out and written stuff, can’t help but notice. That’s why I love your ffs, they’re always so consistent and details are everything.

I couldn’t have said it better myself. Don’t even get me started on the Andre thing. 🙄Like, do they not have anybody Black in or around casting that could’ve said, “Hey, he’s a little too bright for these two dark-skinned people.” Because I don’t know a single Black person irl that hasn’t commented on that scene. Even Danai said her sister was like wtf. Y’all shoot in ATLANTA. I can’t leave my house without seeing mainly Black folks. Do better. 

I’m slightly more understanding with the Judith thing, because once they found one baby, they had to find another every half season that looked enough like the previous that it wouldn’t be distracting. So finding lookalikes, and twins at that, even-tempered enough to shoot in the Georgia heat probably wasn’t easy. Also, this current Judith is adorable and I love her and I’m glad they’ve kept her. However, even back in season 4 when people were talking about Judith having blue eyes, Kirkman was basically like, “Yeah… we weren’t really paying attention to that.” I’m sorry, what? What kind of slipshod operation are they running over there? As you said, details matter, and any production worth its salt would pay attention to that when casting a baby – especially when the drama surrounding said baby is her paternity. That’s ridiculous. And it’s that kind of disregard for detail that keeps TWD from being one of the greats. As a fanfiction writer who does this shit for free, I shouldn’t be putting more thought into its logistics than the people making the show. Especially when they have this stellar set of actors who do give everything and they deserve greatness. Do.👏🏿 better.👏🏿

Anyway. That was a bit of a rant, but thank you for this lovely compliment. I’m not perfect, but I really do try, because it drives me crazy when you can tell someone didn’t give a shit. I promise if I ever get to that point, I’m just gonna stop writing. 😄

[fincalinde]

so i saw that ask about jgy and how he killed jin guangshan, and it reminded me of how i’m still not really sure what to make of that whole situation, even when i AM a jgy fan

it feels kind of like that scene in matilda where the kid stole a piece of cake, and the head lady, as punishment, had a gigantic cake made and forced him to eat it all—in mdzs, it’s kind of a fanservicey schadenfreude at jin guangshan getting his just desserts (heh, pun intended). except in the context of jgy and jin guangshan, the “cake” is actually like twenty otherwise uninvolved people who are forced to rape someone and then are killed.

at least with wen chao and wang lingjiao, wwx wanted revenge against both of them, but jgy didn’t know who the prostitutes were specifically, so that isn’t the case here

it just seems so incongruent with everything else we know about jgy. even if he was determined to have jgs raped to death, there are ways to achieve that without dragging in (and subsequently killing) uninvolved outsiders, or at the very least, so many outsiders. so why did he do it the way he did?

(please forgive the poor timing after that other ask: i’ve been dying to know what other jgy fans think about it since i finished the book, but i only recently felt confident enough to really start engaging with the fandom. I consider you a Trusted Jgy Source, so i was just curious what thoughts you had on the matter, if any. i hope you don’t mind me asking, and please don’t feel obligated to answer.)

I don't mind your asking at all! I'm always happy to answer good faith questions.

The way JGY has his father killed is certainly an exception to his normal mode of operation. Where I generally take issue however is fandom conflating that exception with the assertion that it is The Worst Thing Anyone In MDZS Ever Did. In a story where the nominal hero is desecrating thousands of corpses and forcing his enemies to autocannibalise, it's really not feasible to apply a modern real-world moral framework to the characters.

Take WWX for example, since he really is the most obvious comparison in terms of fandom reception. WWX does regret the extremity of his actions later on, but he seems to mostly feel embarrassed and awkward about it. Resolving not to commit similar acts in future (now he's in a situation where he doesn't need to!) is sufficient for him to move on. His most terrible acts are also generally disregarded or viewed in the broader context of his situation, his goals, and his other commendable qualities such as his attempts to save the Wen and his love for JC and JYL. Everyone is going to respond differently to different characters according to their own preferences and that's absolutely fine, but proclaiming that nothing WWX did is as bad as what JGY did to the sex workers is utterly baseless.

Yes WWX wanted revenge against WLJ, but does that mean what he did to WC and WLJ was proportionate or moral? Not if we're applying real world morality, and based on LWJ's reaction and WWX's later feelings of guilt, perhaps not within the confines of the setting either. I would be interested in seeing anyone argue that WLJ or even WC genuinely deserved their fates and how this reflects on WWX's supposed virtue—not because I'm personally interested in applying a modern moral framework to the text, but because I do think it exposes fatal inconsistencies in that approach.

If we assume that WWX was in some way justified in killing WC and WLJ in such a cruelly protracted manner, the rationale is probably that in light of everything they did to him and his clan it is if not perhaps entirely ethical then at least understandable. In that case I don't see much difference between what WWX did to WC and WLJ and what JGY did to JGS. JGY has struggled his entire life, and when he finally wins the entire war and attains legitimacy he is mistreated and misused and forced to commit repeated atrocities while his own ideas for the betterment of society are rejected again and again. His mother died because his father couldn't be bothered to save her. He ends up married to his own sister. It's really small wonder he finally snaps and lashes out.

It's also small wonder he chooses death by irony for JGS. This is JGY's lowest point: he's achieved everything he set out to do and yet his life is nothing but exhaustion and misery and physical and mental abuse. In terms of bringing in unrelated outside parties, JGY has absolutely no reason to feel any sense of solidarity with sex workers as a class, considering that with the exception of Sisi every single one of them ostracised him and his mother and subjected them to abuse and ridicule when he was growing up. It certainly is out of character for him to be flamboyantly vicious rather than simply efficient, but if there were ever a time to go big then this is it.

JGY makes it very clear he feels no allegiance to the social class he was raised in, and we're shown exactly why: that class rejected him and treated him just as badly as any other. To JGY there is no meaningful difference between the abuse he receives from cultivators and the abuse he receives from prostitutes. Why should he feel any sense of solidarity with a class of people who have never offered him the same courtesy?

I understand that people who engage in sex work are often in vulnerable positions and are subject to harassment and violence and other dangers. I understand that in the real world it's important to protect vulnerable groups.

However. It does also seem to me that an eagerness to signal support for sex workers can result in a reading of MDZS where the lives of sex workers are counted as being worth more than the lives of other characters. Why are the deaths of the prostitutes JGY uses to rape his father to death so much worse than the deaths of the inhabitants of the brothel he has XY burn to the ground with everyone inside? What about Baixue or the Yueyang Chang, or the cultivators NMJ hacked to death in the throes of a qi deviation he knew could happen at any time?

The characters do react strongly to the way JGS dies, so we know that it's considered a particularly shocking and awful thing to do. However the characters are more focused on what a horrible method of death it is for JGS rather than the suffering of the women who raped him to death and were executed for it. Therefore if you do consider it a manifestly 'worse' crime than the murder of children or enforced cannibalism, you should be just as appalled by the reactions of LXC, WWX, LWJ etc. and should therefore be rethinking your assessment of their moral standing rather than handwringing over the poor fictional sex workers and how this makes JGY the absolute worst ever of anyone in the cast.

To sum up:

1. Applying a modern moral framework to MDZS is impossible in light of the atrocities committed or tacitly endorsed by the entire cast. Violence and sexual violence is endemic to the setting and condemning JGY is only consistent if WWX and other characters are condemned for similarly appalling acts. I won't propose my own framework as that will vary from reader to reader, but if one intends to write fanfiction or meta then the most important thing to do is apply one's chosen framework consistently.

2. The way JGY kills his father is inconsistent with his typical behaviour but is consistent with what we know about him when taking into account the years of abuse he has endured and the fact that he has no reason to feel solidarity with or sympathy for sex workers as a class.

[madswonders]

A Lesson In Romance #11: Actions

Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader

Genre: A little ✨spice✨ and a little ✨action✨

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, brief mentions of alcohol consumption, gun violence, mild (???) dirty talk

Word Count: 2.3k

Plot: Reader keeps getting caught in rom-com situations with Spencer Reid. This time, they pretend to be married.

A/N: I would like to dedicate this chapter to the Classy Restaurant Music playlist on Spotify for capturing the fancy restaurant vibes I needed hahahah

Masterlist | All chapters here!

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"You know, this is not how I imagined coming back here." You said quietly. Next to you, Spencer smiled.

Your eyes were still adjusting to the warm light, a stark contrast to the blue winter evening outside. This was your second time here, technically, but the sensation of his hand on your waist and the cool metal on your left hand made it all feel brand new.

"Table for Mr. and Mrs. Reid." He said to the hostess, calmer than you'd ever seen him before. You didn't miss the way he tugged you closer when he said "Mrs." and despite the truth of the matter, giddy smiles tugged on both your lips.

But it was the hostess' reaction that gave it away for you. When she glanced at your intertwined hands and matching rings with a soft smile, you began to realise why the two of you were chosen for this in the first place. The effect you had on each other was hypnotising.

Sending you and Spencer undercover as newlyweds was probably the easiest decision Hotch has ever had to make. His reasoning came from basic human psychology; people are drawn to extreme events, and while this generally applied to accidents and tragedy, it also applied to marriage and child birth.

In this case, few things would stand out more in a crowded restaurant than a pair of shiny new wedding rings, a large bouquet of flowers, and a bottle of champagne for two. And to top it all off, he had the two of you. Everything else came secondary.

Still, it was strange. Being isolated from the operation only made you more in awe of your team. Even under the duress of three hours, they operated like clockwork; devising a comprehensive undercover mission, building a profile for an unsub they didn't even know, and training an entire restaurant's staff in a handful of hours.

By the time the final pieces fell into place, all that was left was for you and Spencer to carry out the final stage of the plan.

Maybe it was the pressure of having the entire team rest on your shoulders, or this new "character" you had to play, but something felt different tonight. It was like electricity crackled in the air; you felt it when his hand lingered on your back, low enough that you felt a growing warmth in your belly, making you yearn for his touch long after he let go.

Maybe it was the stress from going undercover for the first time that made you trail your gaze down his suited figure, muscled and lean as a side effect of this job. Maybe that's why the image of him standing at the foot of your bed in this very suit couldn't leave your mind, until the physical action of squirming in your seat jolted you out of your own imagination.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Spencer locked eyes with you, his hazel eyes dark under the dim restaurant lighting.

"Just thinking about you." You admitted, placing your hand across the table. He took your hand in his instantly, his thumb tentatively resting on the jewel on your ring finger.

"All good things, I hope?"

"Nothing but good things."

"Well, perhaps I can add to that. You look beautiful." He pressed a soft kiss to your hand, his eyes crinkling playfully when your cheeks turned pink in response.

"How do I know you're not just saying that for our audience?" You whispered, eyes darting to his tie where the mic was hidden.

"If it weren't for our audience, I'd be saying a lot more, love." He replied lowly, and you bit back a thought you didn't want any of your colleagues to hear. You could already imagine them cringing as they listened in on your conversation, and the image made you giggle.

"Who are you, and what have you done with Dr. Spencer Reid?" You accused jokingly.

"When love is not madness, it is not love." He answered simply.

You thought for a moment, before the reference clicked in your head. "Pedro Calderon de la Barca. Interesting choice. You weren't lying about your education in classic literature, doctor." You looked impressed.

"I'm hurt that you even doubted it." He mocked insult, and you grinned.

"No, I'm just surprised."

"Wait until you see my actual surprise." He smiled, gesturing behind you as a waiter appeared carrying two plates in your direction.

"I took the liberty of ordering our food in advance." He explained. When you looked at him in surprise, he simply shrugged. “I figured I should expand my theory beyond breakfast.”

"And here I thought tonight couldn't get anymore exciting." You said, marvelling at the appetisers as they were placed in front of you two.

“You can reserve your compliments for when I guess everything correct, and I will.” He mock bowed.

“You're on." You giggled. "Now, can we finally have some of this champagne?"

Dinner went by smoother than you thought it would, and thankfully for your team listening in, your conversations steered away from thinly veiled flirting to classic films as the food appeared.

Not that it was any easier for you talk about Billy Wilder and Francis Ford Coppola with what was happening in front of you. Spencer had taken to playing with the ring on your finger while you talked, and each time his long fingers brushed against yours, it sent chills down your spine.

But it was when his leg brushed against yours underneath the clothed table that you felt yourself lose grip of your facade. The first time it happened, you even thought it might be a mistake. But after the second and third time, it was clear that Spencer knew exactly what he was doing, even if the innocent expression on his face didn't betray anything.

If you didn't know him better, you would even think that he liked it, teasing you underneath the restaurant table on case, where you couldn't act on it. Instead, you pushed away the thought and allowed your skin to prick with every touch; all the while you sipped on your champagne, taking the chance to observe the patrons around you through the rim of your glass.

Unfortunately, your luck was a little worse in the unsub department, and your concern only continued to grow as your entrées made way for dessert.

Before you entered the restaurant, the team had discussed the best-case-scenario for tonight — identifying and apprehending the unsub quietly before the dinner shift was up. But if you ran out of time, there was always one back-up plan, something that would definitely force the unsub's hand.

The good thing about having two unsubs now was that victimology became incredibly simple to decipher. What you and Spencer had considered inconsistencies at first, were now clear patterns distinguishing each one.

The first one was impulsive but experienced, driven purely by a compulsion to complete his pattern as fast as possible. Despite that, he had the sense to stick to high-risk victims and secluded locations, which made him so hard to catch in the first place.

It was the second unsub that was interesting. He seemed more controlled and calculating, choosing low-risk victims and public locations. The team profiled him as the narcissistic component of the original profile. The more high profile the victims, the more they attracted him.

And now that you’d spent the entire night drawing attention to yourselves, all you had to do was present an easy opportunity for the unsub to pounce — right into the BAU’s trap.

The moment Spencer beckoned you to come closer, you knew something was up. "Listen carefully, love. I'm going to call for the bill, and we're going to go outside. If I'm right about my guess, the unsub is going to be right behind us. Do you understand me?" He whispered into your ear, low and calm.

You made an obvious move to cup his cheek as you leaned back. "Can we go home now, baby?" You cooed. Yeah, you got him.

As you walked out of the restaurant, you intentionally stumbled as you clung onto his arm, letting out a loud giggle. Your gaze fixed adoringly on your date, even as Emily and Hotch called for their bill on your left, Derek and Rossi no doubt already rounding to the front of the restaurant from the back exit.

"Trust me." Spencer murmured as he opened the door for you, and when you nodded, he pulled you into one final kiss for the public. What you didn't expect was for him to move his hand down and squeeze your ass, causing you to let out a loud squeak at the doorway.

If anybody was looking at the two of you before, they were certainly staring now, and the doctor confirmed this with a low whisper. "He's coming."

When he finally caged you against his car, you had to remember not to go overboard for your listening colleagues, but you couldn't help but let out a quiet moan into his mouth as he pushed his leg lightly against your core.

"Sp— Spencer—" You breathed, locking your fingers behind his neck.

"Just hold on a little bit more, love." He muttered, cupping your cheeks with his large hands and stroking your hair. "Just a bit mor—"

You heard the sound of a gun cocking next to you as you broke apart, lightly gasping. A middle-aged man stood in the shadows, waving his gun aggressively. Bingo.

"Get into the car."

The two of you raised your arms warily. "Who are you?" Spencer shouted, moving to shield you from the unsub.

"I said, get into the car!" He yelled. "Starting with you."

"Okay, okay." The doctor conceded, unlocking the car and slowly getting in the backseat. He left some room for you to get in next, but the unsub trained his gun on you.

"Not you, sweetheart. I'm going to finish you right here." He narrowed his eyes at you. "Drop your bag on the ground."

Everything seemed to fall silent as you slowly lowered your bag, and your hidden gun, to the ground. When you stood back up with your hands in the air, the unsub slammed you into the side of the car and you groaned at the sudden impact.

You didn't need to gather your senses to know that his gun was pointed right at you.

"Leave her alone, James." Spencer threatened, already out of the car and levelling his gun at the unsub. All around you, the team moved into the light.

"FBI! James Luther — put the gun down." Hotch ordered.

The unsub looked shocked for a moment as he looked around, finally realising the situation he was in. His expression was unusually calm, and it chilled you to the bone.

"Very, very interesting. Are you a fed too?" He sneered down at you.

"It's over, James. Either you put the gun down, or you don't walk out of here alive." Spencer warned, but the unsub only laughed.

"I should have known that it was too good to be true. It's not often I get such a perfect couple, much less one with a wife this pretty." He drawled, waving the gun in your face.

"Spencer. I'm okay." You ordered through gritted teeth, already knowing what the genius was about to do.

"Look at her, so brave. Are the two of you even married? Or is everything about this fake?"

"I won't say this a second time. Put the gun down." Spencer repeated, cocking his gun straight at the unsub's head.

"T-think about this, James." You reasoned. "If you kill me, they'll kill you, and you won't be able to hear what the press will say about your murders after we expose you. Isn't that what you want? Don't you want to stop living in somebody else's shadow?"

The unsub's grip on his gun slackened. "They're not going to run a story on me. Why would they unless I keep killing?"

"They will if you give us the names and descriptions of all your victims, and we will make sure your face is front and centre for every single one." Spencer added. The unsub looked into both your eyes, seemingly searching for a hint of a lie, but there was none.

"Fine. Looks like the lady lives, this time." He gave up, dropping his gun to the floor and putting both hands on his head.

"James Luther, you are under arrest for the murders of Lucy Patt..." Derek recited his rights while dragging him away. You braced yourself against the car, catching your breath.

"Are you okay?" Spencer rushed over, sweeping you into a hug before you could even reply. You buried your face into his shoulder, tears welling up in your eyes involuntarily as you inhaled the familiar scent of paperbacks and coffee.

"I-I'm okay, baby. I'm okay." You mumbled, not sure if you were reassuring your boyfriend or yourself in that moment.

"It's okay, just let it out. You're safe now. I'm here. You're safe." He repeated, stroking your back as he kissed the top of your head again and again and again until you lost count.

You'd never been so relieved to arrive back at the BAU. Penelope was the first to give the two of you a big hug when you returned, fussing over the small cut on your face and the bruises on your arms, while you reassured her that you'd been cleared by the medics to go home.

"Good work today, both of you." Hotch called out from behind, shooting a small smile at you and Spencer. "Reid, take her home, and take a day off tomorrow. The two of you deserve it."

"You wouldn't be able to drag me into work tomorrow if you tried." You joked, and Spencer chuckled. For the first time, he wasn't about to argue with an order to take a break.

Nor was he about to argue when you asked him to come in to your apartment, or when you asked him to stay the night.

The only thing he wanted after tonight, was you.

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Tag List:

@blue-space-porgs @nobutalsoyes @lady-loves-a-lot @queen-flower @agentcarterisgay @totalmess191 @sapphic-prentiss @oops-all-ajs @spottedzebrasinpartyhats @mellowalieneggsknight @kenny-0909 || @averyhotchner @amesandpineapples @willowrose99

[peggyrose19]

Hold Me While You Wait

Welcome to part 2 of me writing St. Tweedle instead of sleeping! What can I say, they’re fun. So here’s Remus finding out about the two of them. ( if you know the song from the title you get a gold star) also in case you weren’t aware i don’t know how actual conversations work.

characters by @lumosinlove

@im-oknutzy-trash, @wonder-womans-ex

Luke found himself fiddling as he waited in his room. He didn’t normally get so antsy, could usually keep a relatively calm exterior. But in his room, hidden from curious eyes, his walls dropped, letting his nerves peek through. His expression, staring back at him from the mirror he stood in front of, was stony and pale.

“Relax,” a familiar voice said. Luke didn’t even flinch, so familiar by now with Saint’s random appearances. 

“How am I supposed to relax?” he asked exasperatedly, moving on from the buttons of his jacket to his cuffs. He didn’t look at Saint, but could hear him moving, could imagine his lithe body sliding through the window, blond hair catching the last strains of golden sunlight. He could picture the smirk too, as Saint came up behind him, close enough to touch. 

“It’s just Remus,” Saint murmured softly, surveying Luke in the full-length mirror they stood before. Luke watched his face in the glass. “We hang out with him all the time. And besides,” he added, “you look good. No need to fix what isn’t broken.”

Luke turned to face Saint, mere breaths separating them. “When did you become all philosophical?”

There was a softer side to Saint, Luke had discovered over the past few months. One that only came out when they were alone, as if Saint was afraid of anyone else knowing that he did actually have a heart. And he cared a lot more than he ever let on. That was the thing about Saint. He always held things inside. He was this wild swirling storm of emotions, warring with each other constantly and held at bay by an icy wall of sharp wit and easy sarcasm. Luke liked to tell himself that it was him who brought Saint’s walls down, let him show that delicate interior beneath. 

“It’s all your fault,” Saint replied then, and Luke smiled. “You’re a bad influence on me, Tweedle, what can I say?”

Luke smiled, and leaned forward to kiss Saint gently. He too was softer with Saint than anybody else, letting him see the caring parts of himself. There was something about Saint that felt safe, felt like home. 

“Tell me it will all be okay.”

Saint’s expression flickered. “Well, I can’t tell you that, Tweedle,” he replied, not unkindly. “I can’t control it, can I? And I mean, he’s your friend, is he not? You should know better than to ask me, what do I know of Remus Lupin? That he’s mad? That he’s in love with Sirius? That’s about all I can give you, babe.”

Luke knew that wasn’t true—from the gleam in Saint’s eyes he did too—but he also knew that wasn’t Saint’s intention. Saint had never been the type of person to respond with logic. His intention was always to make Luke smile, to distract him. And most of the time it worked. Saint had an uncanny ability to pull your focus away, make you think of something else entirely different in a mere sentence or two. In this case, he was once again successful. 

“Wait, Remus is in love with Sirius?” he asked.

Saint shrugged. “I dunno. He certainly stares at him enough though. It’s like they both have hearts for eyes these days, I swear.”

Luke just blinked. “Since when have they been together?” Saint shrugged again. Luke spluttered. 

“Have you not noticed?” Saint asked amusedly. “Jesus Christ, he’s your best friend is he not? Must I do everything?” Luke stifled a laugh at Saint’s dramatics. 

He had noticed Remus acting differently lately if he was honest, cagey and inconsistent, disappearing randomly throughout the day and reappearing with flushed cheeks or the occasional bruise. The more he thought about it, the more it all began to make sense. How Sirius never seemed to be around when Remus was missing. The way they always seemed to end up beside each other when they all hung out together. The sudden—or maybe not so sudden—lack of animosity between the two. He just wondered how the hell Saint had noticed before him. 

Luke was pulled from his thoughts by the light brush of Saint’s lips against his own. He smiled into the kiss, let Saint push him back until he hit the wall, let his hands slip under the edge of Saint’s t-shirt. Saint always kissed like a burning fire. Pushing and taking, meeting Luke step for step. It had always been that way, ever since that very first kiss right here in this room, the two of them pushing and pulling, taking and giving what the other put down. 

A knock at the door startled them apart. Standing in the doorway was Remus, staring at them with wide eyes. Luke felt like his heart had stopped. 

“Remus.” 

“Um. Hi.” 

Remus stood there awkwardly, not moving. He looked truly surprised, Luke noted as he studied his face and desperately tried to control his own pounding heart. As his breathing began to slow, he noticed Saint had stepped nearly to the other side of the room, seemingly trying to put as much space between them as he possibly could. Luke tried not to feel offended by it; it’s not like they could pretend they weren’t just making out thirty seconds ago. 

“What’re you doing here?” 

“I was coming to get you. We were supposed to leave five minutes ago? The party, remember?”

“I remember,” Luke replied faintly, still grappling with the sudden change. 

Luke had known Remus would find out eventually, had known he really should have told him back when it first started. Remus was his best friend after all, they trusted each other with almost everything. Almost. Some things gave him pause though, not because of Remus but because of himself. It was hard to trust someone completely, was something Luke had learned when his father had been arrested. You never truly knew everything about a person. 

“So…” Remus started awkwardly. “Are you two like, together or…?” 

“Um,” coughed Luke. “Something like that.” 

Saint stayed eerily quiet. Luke glanced over at him quickly, finding his face stony and pale. It was uncharacteristic of him, and a bit disconcerting to see that vibrant color drained from his face. 

“Oh well, uh. Good for you, I guess.” 

“Could you give us a minute?” Luke asked, gaze flitting back to Saint. Remus watched him warily for a second but he nodded and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Luke had the fleeting thought that he was only going to listen through the wall, but he pushed it from his mind. Remus wasn’t like that.

Luke turned to Saint, stepping cautiously toward him the way one might approach a spooked horse. “You alright?” he asked softly. 

Saint’s gaze snapped to his, icy cold for only a single moment. Then his face crumbled. He said nothing, simply stepped closer to Luke and pulled him in, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Luke’s eyes slipped shut and he felt Saint lean into him. He took the weight silently, nuzzling against Saint’s neck and breathing in the familiar smell of sea salt and fresh air.

 He didn’t pull back until Saint did, cradling his face in gentle hands and looking into those lost hazel eyes. 

“It’s just Remus, remember?”

Saint sniffled. “Damn you Tweedle.” 

Luke smiled. “Come on.” He held out his hand and, surprisingly, Saint took it. They headed for the door and, when Luke opened it, Remus was waiting on the other side.

“I’m sorry,” Luke blurted out then, surprising even himself. If possible, Remus’ eyes grew wider.

“What are you sorry for?” 

“Not telling you.” 

Remus sighed. “It’s… I mean, do I wish you would have told me? Yeah. Am I gonna make you tell me everything? No. Besides, I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I did.” He swallowed hard. “There’s something you should know.”

“About you and Sirius, I know,” Luke interrupted, wanting to stop the terrified look on his friend’s face. It seemed that fear didn’t go away, even with those you were closest to. 

“You know?” 

“Yeah. Well. Saint told me. I wouldn’t have figured it out.”

Remus’ gaze shifted to Saint, who just smirked and shrugged as if to say ‘what can I say, you aren’t subtle’. At least, that’s what Luke got out of it. 

“Oh. Well uh… guess that makes this night a bit easier then.” 

“Guess it does.”

Saint sighed long-sufferingly, that indifferent mask fixed back on. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, let’s go.” 

Luke couldn’t help a small smile, but it hurt his heart that Saint felt the need to pretend around everyone, even their friends. It was true that Remus was more his friend than Saint’s, but they had gotten closer over the past few months. On occasion, Saint had even been polite. But Luke should have known that wouldn’t be enough. Saint didn’t trust people, didn’t open up to them. He still found it miraculous Saint ever opened up to him. 

“Luke, you coming?” Remus asked, and Luke glanced up to see both him and Saint standing at the top of the stairs waiting for him. 

“Yeah.” 

Luke grabbed Saint’s hand again as they headed down the stairs towards the front door, squeezing gently. Saint glanced at him curiously, once. But he didn’t say anything, and he didn’t pull away. 

When they reached the first floor, Remus headed outside without a second thought, but Luke paused, pulling Saint towards him.

“Hey,” he whispered, Saint falling against him. Their lips met, just a brush of a kiss, before Luke pulled back again to look at Saint fully. “Are you okay? Truthfully.”

Saint smiled Luke’s favorite smile. “I’m fine.”

“Good.”

With another gentle kiss, Luke let Saint go and followed him outside into the cool night air to where Remus was waiting.

[guardianspirits13]

if you feel like answering, why is natsuo your favorite character? like what do you like most about him? what made you connect to him/what made him stand out to you?

Ohhh boy better buckle up because this is gonna be a long one.

First off, thank you so much for the ask, and sorry it took so long to strap down and answer you! Naturally, I have a lot to say and I'm always looking for opportunities to rant about my favorite character 👀

The chapter that first opened my eyes to Natsuo as a character was chapter 252. I was caught up with the manga at this point so I read it right when it was released and it really touched me. From then on I became invested in his character, particularly his relationship with Touya which I really dug into and channeled into my Brother animatic. He's been my favorit from then on, and there are many reasons for this.

I think the main reason his character resonated with me so deeply is because I've never encountered a character who hits nearly as close to home as he does. I didn't have the best relationship with my father growing up, and despite it being a different and much less serious situation than what Natsuo lived through, I can relate to and understand a lot of his resentment on a personal level. Many of his one-liners are things that I have said or thought before almost verbatim, so needless to say Horikoshi definitely knows what he's doing.

It is very important to me how Horikoshi goes out of his way to give this seemingly minor character so much development. Every scene he is in, every word he says has so much thought behind it and contributes to his character tremendously, and some of the best examples of this are in the latest chapters with him.

He has significantly more developent than most of the minor characters in 1a, despite them obviously appearing much more often. This is because whenever Natsuo does appear, he's very outspoken and the scene normally ends up revolving around him in some way.

I also want to talk about his relationship with his family as a whole- one thing about his character that I don't think anyone else has really mentioned before is how humble he is. He grew up in a household where he was neglected and essentially seen as worthless (regardless of his quirk or lack thereof but I have a whole nother essay for that alone), and even Touya wasn't exactly the kindest to him from what we've seen. Despite this, Natsuo was able to forge his own path and become the person he wanted to be. He got through highschool with good enough grades to get into a pre-med program which in Japan is a very hard thing to do considering national standards, not to mention how different the medical field must be with the variety of mutation quirks that exist.

As for humility, I think the fact that he can be proud of Shouto for forging his own path as a hero despite his personal distaste for hero society, and is immediately thankful when he’s saved from a villain by a group of high schoolers. He doesn’t act like he’s better than anyone else because he’s older, or because he won’t forgive Endeavor (quite the contrary, he seems to view his distaste of Endeavor as a shortcoming on his part).

Another thing that I really just adore about his character is how kind and gentle he is, regardless of (or perhaps in spite of) his upbringing. Considering that he's a male character in a shounen manga, this is particularly interesting to me. Out of his brothers he is physically the most similar to Endeavor, but personality-wise the most different. A huge component of this is that he was raised mostly by Fuyumi and continues to be incredibly close to her. Natsuo is a social person and an emotionally driven character, and he is certainly not afraid to speak his mind- if nothing else, he is honest. Compare this to Shouto, who is definitely an introvert and prefers to keep to himself, kind of blunt about things and definitely lacking in emotional awareness. It’s hard to separate Shouto’s personality from lack of socialization as a kid, but even Endeavor shares many of the same traits. Touya is also an emotionally-driven character but in a completely different way, he’s self-serving and angry and driven for revenge. Perhaps if he had a normal childhood Natsuo and Touya would have been much more similar, but Touya’s early signs of mental illness as a kid festered with lack of treatment. Back to Natsuo, he also is very caring and thoughtful, and we really see this most in the 5th light novel, (official translations aren’t out but here’s a link).

We consistently see just how much he cares about the rest of his family (other than Endeavor, obviously). I think this is seen really clearly through his attempts to connect with Shouto. He knows nothing about his little brother but still tries to connect with him in any way he can think of- playing soccer, eating soba, talking with him about his friends and just generally showing interest in his life.

Another interesting point here is that he almost seems to look up to his siblings as being better than him, especially Shouto. This is not in a jealous way, but more self-deprecating as he sees Fuyumi and Shouto letting Endeavor back into their lives and feels guilty and unkind because he is unable to do the same. He is proud of Shouto, but they are different in so many ways that it’s hard to find a middle ground. Shouto is mature in that he is already halfway to a lifelong career and has experienced many dangerous situations, while Natsuo is a college student and years away from helping people on the same level that Shouto does in high school. Inversely, Natsuo is more socially competent and outgoing, while Shouto is sheltered, and has a unique innocence to him. Natsuo is more familiar with their family situation and thus has a more complex understanding and much stronger stance than Shouto, especially because he knew Touya.

He also goes out of his way to try and help Fuyumi and re-iterate how much she means to him (even if it fails, it’s the thought that counts, amirite?). He consistently comes to dinner when Fuyumi invites him, knowingly exposing himself to his pervasive trauma upon seeing Endeavor to allow her to entertain the fantasy of having a happy, normal family.

I really want to re-iterate here how much of his own pain he puts to the side in just agreeing to show up for dinner. Both times he is visibly uncomfortable and almost upset by Endeavor’s presence as if it makes him anxious (which is understandable), and he is mentally incapable of staying in said situation without freaking out, which he does whenever he can’t escape; the first time when Endeavor puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving, and the second time mere minutes after an incredibly traumatic near-death experience. (Side note: Endeavor should not be getting up into his personal space like he does, knowing full well how uncomfortable Natsuo is with his mere presence).

He puts his own trauma to the side to help his siblings ,and if that isn’t selfless I don’t know what is.

With all of this deliberate development and the advent of the Dabi reveal, I am confident that Natsuo is going to play a larger role in the future and will contribute in some major way to bringing Dabi down. If there's one thing I trust Horikishi for it's that he doesn't develop his characters for nothing. There's always a payoff at the end that puts everything in place, even though he plays a slow burn. I'm always scared that whenever Natsuo shows up he's gonna do/say something that's inconsistent with his character so far and disprove one of my theories/assumptions/headcanons about him and every time I am proven wrong.

In conclusion: I love my salty son.

If you want to read even more of my thoughts on him, here's a link to a rediculously long meta about his trauma and emotions:

Thank you again for the ask. I very much enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well!!!

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx Club Season 5 Thoughts Part 1

It’s been so hard for me to make myself start this season because I know it only goes downhill from here but here I am at last. I don’t remember anything from this season and am prepared to hate the transformations (Harmonix because it’s impractical and Sirenix because it’s ugly) so let’s do this.

- I already hate the hair and I haven’t made it past the intro yet. This is promising.

- This is off to a great start. I got the wrong episode. Not by my mistake, however. Now that I found the actual first one, let’s actually do this.

5x01:

- It’s weird to see magic so publicly on Earth. At least they’re having fun. Though, I have to say that I am not a fan of the idea of them having a band. And they have unfair advantage over every other Earth band because they can do their own advertizing without having to pay a cent and it will still be better than any other band can afford since it’s magic. They should have just dropped the band.

- I am gagging over the fact that they have Roxy praise Bloom for the help but not the other Winx girls. They were all there for her and fought to protect her and tried to teach her magic. And at one point she even said she wanted to be like Stella. But now she says that only Bloom is like a big sister. Obviously a plot device to bring in Daphne since she will be resurrected this season and they have to set it up. Especially after season 4 forgot all about her. I am still gagging, though.

- You know, I could have loved the whole ecological message but I am pretty sure they are going to fuck it up anyway. Or just not take it anywhere.

- Ugh, Helia’s hair is so ugly. But at least Sky’s is as well. But what is that box Sky has? Not another engagement ring, please, for the love of everything sacred!

- Ahh, pendant. Yeah, their relationship is going so well that they will need magic to keep it in tact. Though, good luck for both of them will be to just split up and find someone that is actually good for them. Also, why doesn’t Brandon know about that? He is literally the squire and best friend of the prince.

- Poor Layla. She must be missing Nabu like crazy. Please, let her have a season to mourn and don’t shove a new love interest in her face right away. It took her a season and a half to get the first one and he was killed. She needs some fucking time!

- Love that everyone agrees that Sky’s hair is terrible. Even Bloom’s “It looks... great��� sounds like a lie.

- Why is Sky going back to Red Fountain? Didn’t he finish that? God, just let them move on already. Also, he is not A Crown Prince now. He was the Crown Prince ever since he was born. He was crowned as the king of Eraklyon. Man, are they retconning everything?

- If Bloom cared so much about what he had to say, she could have asked Musa to give them a sec. I like the little Flora and Sky interaction, though. If only it could have been on a topic different than Bloom. I wish the Specialists would interact with Winx other than their girlfriends more. It would sell the friend group vibe better.

- Aww, I wish Layla wouldn’t hide her pain over Nabu. She probably doesn’t want to affect the others with it and doesn’t want them fretting over her either but this is just so sad.

- Love how Bloom doesn’t even remember Tressa. For a moment there I thought that it was her getting crowned which would have been cooler but yeah. Also, Nereus and Tritannus are almost identical. What the hell makes Nereus hot and Tritannus not? I am so annoyed I started rhyming.

- I love the idea of underwater tech!

- Lmao, gotta love how the king has already picked a favorite. And it doesn’t seem to be a recent choice either. Idk about Tritannus yet, but I don’t like this guy. I am all for him being attacked. He even reacted like an absolute asshole. He reminds me of Erendor.

- Ah, of course. Trident. We couldn’t possibly have another weapon when it comes to merfolk.

- Tbh Tressa would be the best ruler. She seems to have learned her lesson and become braver. And if she’s protecting her brother and doing all the work anyway, why not just crown her?

- Didn’t Flora tell him to wait until he is alone with Bloom? Why did he think a good moment to give her the pendant would be when Layla is visibly worried about what is going on and everyone is there with them? I wish he’d drop it and it would break.

- How the fuck can Flora tell that there is oil spilling into the ocean? The ocean is Layla’s domain and Flora has never been shown to be able to communicate with marine plant life.

- I hate how they had to show that Timmy is obviously physically weaker than Sky. It would’ve made sense for him to had built some muscle at the very least after 4-5 years in Red Fountain.

- How the hell did Tecna delete the oil? You can’t just erase matter out of existence. There should be a rule against that.

- Yeah, I was just going to say that closing the pipes is not going to work if they don’t stop the flow of oil. The pipes might explode but it will keep spilling. Seriously, this is basic logic. Nice move. Now it will be harder to stop because the spill moved underwater.

- What happened to Layla’s wings? Is the oil sticking to them and hindering their movements? You’d think she could prevent that with magic.

- This is what happens when you carelessly put something so important in your pocket. You don’t even need to be running a rescue mission. There’s a high chance that you’re gonna lose it anyway. Also, love how Bloom just left the other guy to drown and no one else went after him either.

- Layla’s awesome. She even managed to pull that guy out even though she was struggling a lot with it. I hate the fact that they forgot she taught the others a spell to breathe underwater in season 3, though. They could have used it. But of course, that would have probably rendered Harmonix unnecessary.

- Wow, they renovated the whole platform to make it eco? Why don’t they just do that with all of the oil platforms on Earth then? It’s not like it took much effort. I want to add to this that if they’d just done that (which probably would have taken a couple of days), they could have easily defeated Tritannus later because his only source of pollution in the first half of the season has been Earth. Because there is ocean pollution only on Earth, you know. They could have used that to incorporate an ecological message, except that would have taken work on their part. And also, most of the toxic substances Tritannus consumed were spilled on purpose by the Trix. So there goes a great wasted opportunity for a thematic message.

5x02:

- Here are my bad bitches. What the hell are they doing underwater, though? It’s kinda cruel to put them in a prison that forces them to use magic if they want to survive it. What happens if they tire out? They could die,

- Aaaand for some reason Bloom is the vocalist of the band even though Musa is literally the fairy of music and the only one that was initially having a contract signed.

- I hope nobody is expecting any commentary from me on the musical performances because I am telling you from now that I will be skipping absolutely all of them.

- The selkies look ridiculous. I could appreciate the idea of having small beings being powerful guardians but they will certainly not serve any greater purpose than the pixies did so this is going to be annoying at best. Also, the selkie of Earth was still there even when the fairies weren’t, right? This somehow implies that magical beings couldn’t stop the disasters that mankind causes to Earth even though the previous season said that it was the disappearance of fairies that threw the Earth into chaos.

- Aww, look at Stella and Brandon! So good when there’s no stupid drama.

- People really went cleaning the beach not just willingly but enthusiastically? That sounds a little unbelievable. I mean, they were supposed to be at a concert and that was an abrupt change.

- Correction, I wish Sky hadn’t lost the pendant so that he could have given it to her and this would have been over. Now he is going to sulk about it for ages and he is probably going to fuck up in a self-fulfilled prophecy kinda manner and I am so not here for it. Just shut up about Bloom and Sky and focus on the action, please.

- Well, Icy is now canonically a monster fucker. Even though she thought Valtor was ugly as hell in season 3 when he turned into a demon. He was uglier than Tritanus in all fairness but still. This seems inconsistent. And I hate her voice. Not to mention that she is already acting OOC when she’s not thinking about getting out even but about fucking him. Come on!

- Is the whole turning into a monster thing some sort of reverse Beauty and the Beast? That could have been interesting... but, of course, this is Winx.

- Yep, the selkies are absolutely useless.

- If the Trix don’t have powers, then how are they breathing underwater? Also, how does toxic waste restore ice and storm powers (there is some connection to darkness at least)? And if they went that route, they could have made their powers have an element of toxicity to them to make it more interesting instead of just having a guy boost their powers yet again. Honestly, the only good thing that came out of this is that Darcy and Stormy seem to be thinking more independently now which would be necessary in order for the DramaTM between the Trix later (that is just about the only thing I remember from this season).

- I wish Darcy would have used her hypnotic powers more in the previous seasons. They are so cool and would be pretty hard to deal with once you’re hit. It could have made for more interesting fights.

- If Tritannus was good, he could actually help cleanse the oceans by sucking out all toxic waste. He likes being a monster anyway.

- Okay, but the Trix know Bloom is from Earth. They should have known it was Winx from the second they felt the fairy magic in the air. That took them long enough btw.

- Of course, the monsters can also go on land even though they are mer-creatures. Makes perfect sense.

- Love how Musa and Flora are using new spells yet they look and act exactly the same way like the old ones so it is just same shit, different story. The writers are so unoriginal.

- Layla is strong! And Winx seem to be a little too strong against the Trix. Although, Believix is supposed to be really powerful anyway.

- This could have been the perfect setup for an Icy x Bloom romance. Sky lost the pendant so his relationship with Bloom is doomed and he later lost his memory so why not just break them up. Diaspro can have him if she still wants him (I don’t know why she would but anyway) and Bloom can get with Icy after Icy realizes Tritannus is not the right one for her. Everyone wins, especially, us, the audience. And it could have been a good way to show that Diaspro has reformed and she and Sky could actually be an okay couple. Or better yet, she dumps him and gets together with Bloom and Icy.

- Layla just kicked Tritanus in the face. Boy, I stan! And the underwater battle with weapons instead of magic is super cool, I love it! Wish there’d been more of that but, of course, only Layla can pull that off and we can’t spend more than a minute focusing on anyone else other than Bloom. Why didn’t Tritannus recognize Layla, though? Or did he just not care?

- Icy crying out for help? By a man? So not here for this. It is ridiculously out of character. How is he so powerful? Once again the villain is so strong it is a wonder they ever got to live long enough to get to the finale let alone defeat him.

5x03:

- Well, Winx sure are at the top of the popularity wave again despite the last time we saw them at Alfea being very different. Also, why is it the beginning of another school year yet again? Honestly, I am so sick of all of this.

- Sky is seriously annoying me with that stupid pendant and he is also the one that is fucking up their relationship with his stupid behavior. He should just focus on being a good boyfriend and do the best he can. I get it that in a world of magic superstitions probably have more merit, but he still has control over his own life and the choices he makes. He can “save” their relationship despite the omen of doom.

- Ugh, don’t tell me there will be Helia and Flora drama in this season to compensate for the lack of such in the last? Why did he only introduce Flora as his friend and not as his girlfriend? And how is he so close with the princess of Linphea? Is he from Linphea as well?

- I agree with Stella. Just when we all thought they were done, they started making even more transformations.

- I don’t think we’ve seen Daphne be anything but calm but it’s understandable when she is talking about the thing that made her a disembodied spirit. Still it feels weird to see her not believe that Bloom can handle whatever comes her way. Especially after the defeat of the Ancestral Witches. I guess that is what bugs me in this scene.

- Wow, Darcy admitted that Winx are stronger than them and neither Icy, nor Stormy protested? It’s good that they’re self-aware. It just seems a little OOC. And another power up in two consecutive episodes? Seriously? Will they ever get anything done on their own again?

- At least Sky is asking for advice. I am surprised that they are letting him interact with Flora yet again but I actually kinda like it.

- Why are they all gasping in surprise. They have been to the archive already when Bloom stole the Codex in season 2. It is the same room; they have seen it. Get over it already.

(- *sigh* I just lost my thoughts on half the episode. This season is not agreeing with me.)

- Flora was acting weird while Crystal was helping Helia. It was kind of like she was mad it was Crystal who could save him and not her and that is weird for Flora. I think she would have just been grateful he was saved.

- I suffer when the books suffer... and they did suffer a lot in this episode. Also, how come Stormy is creating life again? This still doesn’t make sense to me but compared to other things, it is more minor.

- I love Darcy’s hypnotic powers and the fact that she was using them on Stella. I think I might be starting to seriously consider this ship (as opposed to just entertaining the possibility of a cool dynamic between them). I mean, Stella looked like she’s seen the hottest new fashion collection and I know it was the magic but still. I kinda want a Darcy who is on her own (without her sisters) and manipulating/spelling Stella into being with her so that she could make place for herself in the Solarian court. And then she falls in love, of course.

- Just please tell me Sky won’t be without his memories for the rest of the season because that will just be too annoying. If they are going for drama, it would be good to at least make it relevant instead of shoving it in there by the ton for the sake of it.

5x04:

- Since when is the whole school so invested in Bloom? They weren’t when she was actually there and even though Winx are kind of legends now, you can bet your ass that there were still fairies that don’t like them. Not to mention that they shouldn’t all know what the hell happened when no one was there to witness it. Why would they let the whole school know if Erendor doesn’t even know yet?

- You are seriously telling me that Stella hadn’t considered being a fashion designer before? Really????? She literally spent her summer after season 1 as an intern for a fashion magazine and has been designing clothes since about the same time. This is just too dumb for words.

- Love how adorably awkward Timmy is. And I love that Tecna doesn’t mind at all. They are just too cute together!

- Ooh, tension between the Trix. That is interesting. Or at least would have been if it were focused more on the power balance in their own dynamic rather than on hate vs love for Tritannus. Why does everything have to be about guys?

- At least Flora seems to like Crystal now which is cool. But I cannot express how annoyed I am by the fact that the whole thing with the pendant is preventing him from getting his memories back. And the stupid thing is that this actually has potential. Losing the pendant could be the peak of Sky’s guilt towards Bloom for all the pain he’s caused her (about Diaspro and not only) and that could be very interesting to explore but this show will never go that deep. It’ll just remain as wasted potential. Just like everything else is.

- Okay, why does no one ever start with amnesia patients by asking them how they would like to go about things, how they feel? Stuff like that.

- Tecna really turned into a robot. Again, no fucking magical system to explain how you can turn a human into a robot. Plus, this could be interesting as well and also really deep but, again, this is Winx. It is not going to be deep. Even though they could have done so much with that premise and given Tecna a really cool arc.

- Ah, yes, I forgot to mention this while I was on the previous episode. I am done with Neptune being so dismissive and even aggressive against his other son. Like, maybe if you had tried some parenting, none of this would have come to pass. Just a thought. I am not saying that parents can prevent any bad choices their kids make but I am saying that he doesn’t look like he tried too hard to be a good dad. Nereus only turned out okay because they are twins and one of them has to be good while the other is evil. I am glad at least someone is trying to reach Tritannus even if he is beyond saving.

- Oh, off, Tritanus is not messing around. You know what? I actually like that. It was about time they made the villains as ruthless as they are trying to make them out to be. Even if I feel bad for his family because they just wanted to help him.

- Why do the selkies talk in the third person? They just went from useless to majorly annoying.

- Why don’t they just go get Faragonda? She may at least know what they are dealing with and possibly clue them in on how to unspell Tecna. They don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just find someone who knows how it was made.

- Great, they just set fire to the archive and nobody bothered to put it out. And they also released the elements in there. The question remains - will the archive survive their search for the Sirenix book? (What the hell were those other books, though? I would like to know where they came from.)

- Okay, but wasn’t the book Tecna opened cursed? What happened to that? And why did the spell on her phone only activate after she opened the book? This doesn’t make sense.

5x05:

- I am very confused about the order of episodes. “The Lilo” should be before “The Power of Harmonix” because they are still using their Believix powers but it makes more sense for the Harmonix episode to be after “The Book of Sirenix”. Anyway, I am watching “The Lilo” because Wikipedia says it’s the fifth episode even though it looks more like filler that wasn’t even meant to be in the season.

- At least we get to see Flora do something this time. She is the most neglected and it’s good to see her use magic for something else other than growing ivy. Seriously, Flo, chill with the ivy.

- “When I think of you, Helia, I believe in myself.” Because she can’t believe in herself if she doesn’t have a boyfriend. The intro is so totally right! What a way to show girl power!

- Why is the animation overly flowy? Is it because it is closer to 3D in order to tie better with the actual 3D later on? It kinda pokes out your eyes sometimes. Or at least mine.

- Someone remembered that the Whisperian Crystals were a thing. I love how they just made them sort of like GPS for magical objects even though they were only supposed to track the Dragon Fire. Proof of that is the fact that they never used them to track the Ring of Solaria even though they wanted it as well. So this is just a cop out to give them a chance to find the Lilo.

- Of course, the Lilo is in the possession of Mitzi’s little sister. Why wouldn’t it be?

- Gotta love how even the writers realized that it was too convenient for everything to be in Gardenia so they started making up excuses for it.

- Wait, how does Mitzi know who the Trix are? Have they... They haven’t met, right? What the hell? Also, Icy was literally standing in front of Macy but she couldn’t just grab the plant herself and had to order Darcy and Stormy to do it? Lazy much?

- Darcy’s powers are going back to their peak this season and I am so here for it.

- Flora legit just hit Icy with her shield. That was a good move and a little more aggressive than I would have expected from Flora but I’m not complaining.

- Great way to almost hit Macy, Stella.

- There was zero point to this episode. I guess they just had to do something to get them to a total of 26 episodes. And putting it right before the episode in which they get Harmonix is just ridiculous because they just powered up their Believix... right before they’ll stop using it.

5x06:

- They can’t even open the Book of Sirenix? Huh, that’s... kinda interesting actually.

- Oh, come on! Just when Bloom was making progress, Crystal brings in Diaspro. You have to love how the writers are implying that Crystal is no good by having her being friends with Diaspro. I thought we were over the Crystal drama but it looks like there will be more. And why is Bloom not losing her mind? Diaspro literally mind controlled Sky! Goddammit, it’s in situations like this I wish I could trust Erendor to do the best for his son! If Bloom could trust he wouldn’t side with Diaspro, she could have called him to let him make sure Diaspro stays away from Sky.

- Oh, they can lose their powers if they fail the quest? I like that! Extra stakes besides the Tritannus situation. This feels more intense now and I am here for it.

- I like the implication that there are other great fairies in the Magic Dimension and it’s not just Winx. Less so fond of the fact that the other fairies seem to be underhanded but I’ll take what I can get.

- Awwwww! That scene with Stella, Tecna and Musa was so precious! I love Stella’s joking and the fact that Tecna is so upset about what happened but she still believes their reassurances! And Musa saying she might start talking about her mother... *sob* This is so precious! They are opening up to each other even more than they have already! And about the tough topics. Ah, my heart!

- Okay, I kinda like the solidarity between Bloom and Layla. Also, the fact that Flora finally figured out what they are doing. Though, that’s kinda weird to me. Flora has been more wary of the reckless plans but I don’t think she would put her powers above her friends and possibly Layla’s whole realm if not the whole universe.

- Really wish it would have been someone else that had saved the horse and not Bloom.

- “Shadow hand”? Man, I was right. Darcy’s powers are peaking! Also, whatever spell Icy used on Winx to make it harder for them to move was super cool as well. I like it.

- They have to complete the Quest in one lunar cycle? That’s 28 days... On Earth. Maybe they should have specified which moon. Since Solaria has 2 suns there are probably millions of moons out there. Okay, that isn’t working out and I wish they had been more specific with it. This episode had some cool stuff about the Magic Dimension already and they could have done more. Anyway, one lunar cycle sounds like a short time but since it’s Winx, it is probably a long time.

- Oh, they just all got Harmonix without doing anything in order to earn it. Greaaaaat. And I have to say that the Harmonix design is so impractical. Why so many veils? They’re just gonna boggle them down. Of course, nothing ever gets wet on shows but seriously? If you’re fighting with someone, they can grab you by the veils or the veils can tangle around you and become the reason for your demise. This is stupid.

- Okay, so Tecna was being really insecure but they left her behind in the search of the Gem of Self-confidence? Like, you just threw away a golden opportunity. I am into the idea that they are going in the Magical Reality Chamber to still be at the place of the action so to speak and be able to help the rest better, though.

- Love the idea of the boat that can go to any water body. I would like one. Less so enthused about the contradiction in this very episode. Stella was complaining about wearing heels when she could have just changed with magic. The proof is right there since she changed hers, Bloom’s and Layla’s whole outfits just about 10 minutes later. This is ridiculous.

- Not @ the way the writers already threw Roy in despite the fact that it has been just five episodes since the beginning of the season. Also not @ the way he seems to be the stereotypical “girls need my protection” guy. Wish Layla would just keep not liking him. But they are probably trying to emulate what happened with Nabu at first. Ugh, I hate this so much I can’t even tell you.

- Oh, come on! They’ll be bonding with the selkies now? Let me guess, that was only written so that the selkies can get their powers back through the bonds, So Tritannus will enter the Infinite Ocean with the stolen selkie powers and Winx will enter it with help from their bonded selkies. This is so transparent, I can’t even. Also, totally needed their selkies to be matching the color of their Harmonix. I mean, how else are you gonna tell that they’re their bonded selkies? Not like they have personalities or are relevant in any way. Also, can another fairy bond with a selkie that has been “taken”? Like, there is a pixie for every fairy but the selkies are much less so... what the hell? This doesn’t make any sense.

- I hate what they did with the challenge for self-confidence. They could have done so much better. But first, Bloom’s test is all about Sky (which is dumb as fuck because it literally tells you their relationship is the biggest source of insecurity in her life) and Stella’s is about her not having confidence in her fashion taste? Really? Layla’s was most cutting as always but they didn’t even try to make it hard. It was so obvious that Nabu was an illusion because he was being cruel to her and the real Nabu would never. They should have gone for something else that would have really made her struggle with figuring out it is not real. Plus, by figuring out it is not real, she didn’t exactly confront her issue with confidence. And Bloom and Stella couldn’t even break out of it on their own and needed her help. How is that successfully passing the test?!?!?!?! And I was just starting to think that this could be getting better. It was I who should have known better.

5x07:

- Aww, I love how dedicated Stella is to knowing stuff about Solaria. She is going to be a precious queen. Also, her guardian of Sirenix is so beautiful.

- Ugh, the Trix are pulled apart again. I hate it. Darcy and Stormy do have a point. I just wish Icy would keep her head in the game. Also, do they sleep out in the open? In a swamp or whatever the hell that is?

- Wow, Sky that has no memory treats Bloom better than Sky that has memory of her. Interesting. Like, if he can calm her worries about Diaspro so easily when he doesn’t even remember how much he loves her, why didn’t he do that in the previous seasons? Honestly.

- Roy is annoying me just by cheering for Winx. This is not going well.

- Oh, damn, Flora got turned into stone. What did Tritannus do to that jellyfish? Turn it into Medusa (lmao, fun fact - jellyfish is called medusa [more like meduza but still] in Bulgarian)? Seriously. And why is Flora the one saving the selkies when she is the only one that isn’t bonded to any?

- Since the Trix also didn’t put any work into earning their powers, it is only fair that Winx get a free upgrade as well. I am just glad that at least the Harmonix spells look differently even though they function in the same generic way.

- Hey, Sky is actually starting to remember? Good. I was prepared to suffer through this amnesia arc up until 5x13 at least but now I have timid hope that it will not last that long. I guess the writers haven’t heard of muscle memory, however.

- How did the Gem of Confidence turn Flora back into herself when the jellyfish that turned her into stone had nothing to do with it? It was Tritannus’ doing and not even intentional. It shouldn’t have had petrifying powers in the first place. None of this makes any sense. Not to mention that the Gem somehow multiplied to six gems. I mean, really? Would’ve been much better if they could only choose to complete one box aka everyone else would lose their powers but then through their shared goal (aka Faragonda telling them that they have to be of one mind and heart) they could have all gotten the Sirenix. Just no other powers. That would have been way more interesting (obviously Layla would be the one whose box they’d complete and I don’t believe the Dragon Fire can be extinguished anyway so Bloom could even have a loophole out of that). And besides, they don’t use the old transformations anyway.

5x08:

- Stella is rocking that outfit. But why streaks? Stella, no!

- Tecna and Timmy are absolutely adorable with their mega nerdiness. I love it.

- Jeez, really? Sky is a better dancer with amnesia than Brandon is? I mean, this could have been plausible if they hadn’t established already in the previous episode that his muscle memory has fucked off into oblivion as well. Otherwise, yes. As royalty, he is probably better at dancing. Even though battle requires a lot of coordination as well. But nice of Kiko to try to help.

- Come on, Stella, you’re being insensitive. You would be “moping” too if Brandon had died. Please, don’t try to set Layla up with guys. Just give her some time to grieve!

- I don’t know what Stella expected. Of course, Layla is going to get offended by that. She doesn’t want company, she wants Nabu back.

- Oh, come on! Musa really got mad at Riven just because he liked the music another girl was playing? What, is he supposed to only listen to her music now? She isn’t even the vocalist of their band.

- They only have 10 days left to complete the missions? When did they manage to waste so much time? Like, they legit got the first thing done in one day. Where did the other go?

- Tressa has had so much growth since season 3. I love her. Really wish they’d let her be queen. But wtf, why can the king know what all of his subjects are doing? That is so invasive. Also, Layla should not be in the range of his powers. Man, the writers are really pulling some bullshit here.

- You’d think the selkies will learn that they can’t stop Tritanus and will try to not get in his way so that he wouldn’t get to steal their powers. But nope, they are both useless and stupid.

- Okay, Stella did mess up and she should have known why what she did was a bad idea but Layla giving her the silent treatment is not going to help either. I hope that the fact that Musa is dealing with the loss of her mother can help the two of them patch things up as well. Maybe there will be a lesson in this for both of them.

- Now it makes sense why Musa turned into an ocean type of monster. And this is a good opportunity for Stella and Layla to find their balance again and help save Musa.

- Stella’s attacks are still hurting Musa. And wouldn’t it make more sense for Layla to use her powers to stop her? She could make a net with morphix that will be both more reliable and less harmful for Musa. Seriously, why do they always make the dumbest choices possible?

- You know what would have been more interesting? If the healing of the bond could only work one way and the selkie didn’t get her powers back. They could have brought in Galatea to also bond with her in order to restore her powers later on so that they could enter the Infinite Ocean. That would have been more creative. But nah.

- Stella’s sudden understanding of Layla really came out of nowhere. And it felt like Layla only forgave her because she didn’t want to fight with her anymore, not because she was truly okay with what Stella did. This could have been done so much better.

- These Sirenix quests are so convenient. They all have to do with places the girls know and clues they have history with. It would have been much harder if they had to go to planets they don’t know how to navigate and a better way to do more worldbuilding.

- Bloom really can’t take 10 days away from the Sky mess? They can literally lose their powers forever which could mean handing Tritannus victory but she is more concerned with Sky’s memory that can possibly only get better in the next ten days while she focuses on the mission? Oh, come on!

- They are really trying to push hard the idea that Bloom and Sky are destined to be together. Also, now that they found the shell, can Sky’s memory block disappear? It would make sense. Please, just end this already.

5x09:

- Really? Bloom is sensing that something is wrong with Daphne but Marion isn’t? This could have been a cool moment to bring in the fact that their parents are back. Especially since Bloom isn’t going to do shit about it. I mean, how dense is she that she didn’t recognize the clouds of pollution hanging around Daphne in her dream? Could have at least tried to contact Daphne to make sure she was okay. Especially since she knows that Daphne talks to her through her dreams and that has been A Thing since season 1. I just... cannot.

- I... don’t even know what to say about Stella here. On the one hand I understand her frustration as she feels like no one supports her passion for fashion but on the other hand... Stella, no! Brandon was right that she needs to consider other people’s feelings sometimes, though, I’d say none of Winx exhibited particularly high levels of empathy here except maybe Flora.

- Oh, Tecna. On the one hand I want to say that there shouldn’t be a reason to feel nervous face to face with Timmy when they get along so well, but on the other, we have all experienced what she’s talking about. Texting can be so much easier sometimes even if it can also be dangerous because it lacks the context of body language.

- Seriously? We’re gonna make it through all the girls’ planets. I said it before and I’ll say it again, but this Sirenix Quest sure is damn convenient. At least it is kinda ironic that the Gem of Empathy is on Zenith since they seem to rely on technology more.... Man, that could have been an awesome opportunity to make Zenith more three dimensional by explaining that they develop so much technology so that they could make the lives of everyone easier when they have digital assist aka their focus on technology is driven by empathy. But again, that is just too deep for this show.

- Oh, come on! Stella really turned into a three-year-old? Why the hell would there be an age-changer spell in the pin? This doesn’t make sense. And again, a fucking wasted opportunity. Stella was running low on empathy here so including her in the search for the Gem of Empathy would have provided way more character development than this shit right here. I would have sent Stella, Tecna and Musa to get the Gem and Bloom, Flora and Layla to go look for Daphne. Or better yet, Stella and Tecna for the Gem, Musa and Layla after Tritannus and Bloom and Flora to check on Daphne.

- Is Layla ever going to use her Harmonix powers? Seriously, she has transformed how many times now and I can’t remember her using any of her new magic.

- Why is Layla now smiling at Roy even though she never transitioned from “annoyed” to “friendly teasing”? I hate this so much.

- It must be weird for Brandon to see his girlfriend as a three-year-old while he is still twenty. Like, that will make for a fun conversation once the spell wears off.

- It is so goddamn obvious that Tritannus has been there! Like, did the clouds of pollution not tip you off?????? Honestly, why don’t any of them have normal rationalizing abilities? It is a simple deduction! You don’t need the selkies to tell you! Besides, didn’t they already say that he crossed over to Zenith? This is like looking between a needle and a single straw of hay and having to point out which is the needle and they are failing!

- Shoot, I thought “where the one looks over the many” was supposed to be something of a mathematical riddle or something that would have to make Tecna focus on the whole rather than the details. The throne thing? Just... meh.

- I would have preferred it if their test of empathy involved something that was already inside them and came from themselves rather than them being placed under a spell by the Gem. It could have brought out their most unempathetic thoughts but I still think there was a better way to do this, and a more emotional one.

- Seriously?????? I mean, FOR REAL?!?!?!?!?! THAT is what they had to do to get the gem???????????????????????????????????????????????????? They didn’t even resolve their issues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did they prove they were worthy of having it. God, I hate this.

- How did the age-changer spell had any bearing on the plot or the characters? It literally didn’t do anything for Stella or Flora, Musa and Brandon for that matter. They had so many amazing opportunities in this episode and they were all wasted. I just... *frustrated sigh*

5x10:

- Is it just me or is the idea to put the Christmas filler episode right a couple of days before the deadline for the Sirenix Quest the worst idea ever? Well, not the worst because this show is just full of bad ideas but still somewhere up there with the big guys.

- I was gonna get incredibly angry if they’d made Christmas be a thing in the Magic Dimension but they got at least that right. And that way it’s cute that Bloom gets to introduce her friends to a new holiday. They all got so excited about the presents! Adorable! The only thing that would have made this better was if she’d invited Marion and Oritel to Mike and Vanessa’s as well to celebrate together.

- I was ready to hate this episode but it has actually caught my attention. Love how the Trix decided the magic of Christmas is literal magic and they want to steal it from Bloom. This is actually exactly what a funny filler episode should be like.

- Aww, a surprise Musa and Riven moment. That was adorable.

- Am I the only one who is getting Yu Gi Oh vibes from this monster? Okay, four monsters (Why four? That is so random. Three would have made more sense.). They just remind me too much of Blue Eyes White Dragon.

- You know what would be really cool? If Stella made a cage with mirrors at key places to reflect the light beam she shoots at the creatures so that it would keep running through the cage to stop them from reforming.

- Oh, wow. Faragonda showed up. I never thought that would happen. Not that she’s been much use. Like, you fought the Ancestral Witches! Surely, there has to be something you can do! Not to mention that how the hell did the Trix get magic of the darkest order? That’s just bullshit.

- You know what? I would be more worried about the fact that they may not be able to break the spell before they run out of water and food and other essentials. Like, the Christmas thing is upsetting but not a priority right now,

- Okay, the Trix are inside the ice dome but the ice dragons aren’t? That seems like a hole in their plan.

- The others got the spirit but they a little confused. Bloom doesn’t just miss Christmas but spending it with her family and they can’t give her that. Though, none of them didn’t even try to teleport. Depending on the way you do it, maybe they could have gotten out.

- This episode is kinda all over the place but at least it has that cool vibe from season 1 when they got to actually just chill around the school and do some fun stuff. Actually put time in just being friends. Oh, and the friendship charm bracelets are really cute! I love them.

- You know they don’t have what to put in an episode when they give the full transformations twice. Nice job, there.

- Making a hole in the dome does not sound like the best course of action because Winx could have just gotten out of there and forced the Trix to chase them. But no one thought of that.

- I feel second hand embarrassment on Icy’s behalf. If she ever gets to learn that she misunderstood about the magic of Christmas, that is. The way things are going, Bloom is gonna blast them out of the dimension without ever revealing that this was all for nothing.

- Well, Bloom could have just used her Dragon Fire to destroy the ice dragons the moment they appeared and none of that would have happened but why the hell would she do that? I have to say that I would have preferred it if Winx and the Specialists had gone to Gardenia instead of having Gardenia go to Alfea. Like, I get it that they wanted to make Christmas touch the Magic Dimension as well but Alfea has never celebrated a Zenithian-specific holiday for example or a Solarian one. It just makes the whole Winx universe a little too focused on Bloom again.

5x11:

- Omg, I am feeling so bad for Daphne. Hasn’t she suffered enough? Though, I have to say that I am at least glad Icy came up with a decent plan for counteraction this time even if it is cruel. At least it makes sense!

- Why the hell is the wind-rider competition held in Alfea? It should have been in Red Fountain but I guess the animators couldn’t be bothered to pull out their old animation of it and remember how to draw it.

- Bloom giving Sky a pep talk was kinda cute. I get why he would be nervous and it was cool that she did her best to help him. And that moment with throwing some harmless magic his way to show him his own reflexes was actually smart and hella cute as well. I just wish they wouldn’t have gone for the “he is the best Specialist ever to live” thing again but I’ll take it as his friends telling a white lie to soothe his anxiety.

- So the Trix are just being bullies for no reason at all. Also, they already used that invisibility spell when they messed with Tecna’s phone. Or at least it looked the same.

- Poor Kiko. Getting accused for something he didn’t do and then also being attacked by clones. But was it that only he could see them? Because otherwise, it should have tipped Bloom off that something’s wrong.

- They don’t need to remind us every time that there is no time to waste for the Sirenix Quest. We get it. And even if I had the episodes spaced out by weeks, I doubt I would forget that they have a time limit considering that this is not plot heavy and they have mentioned it, like, a million times already.

- Oh, they’re going to Linphea next. Look, even Tecna noticed that all the parts of the Quest have been on their home planets.

- Wow, Flora, you think the flower might be on your planet? Damn, girl, you’re such a genius. No one would have ever guessed. They have an ocean of flowers and she is still not sure? W.O.W.

- Love how it took Faragonda and Saladin a solid minute to interfere. Not like they were in a war or anything and should be 100% prepped to deal with crises. Why would you think that? And Griselda (and the other Alfea teachers) didn’t even get to do anything. Not to mention that Mirta has been studying at Alfea for a forth year now and she didn’t even try to fire at the beasts... You know, what could be considered an instinctive reaction.

- “Only one more keeper...”? Yeah, because there are only six-seven planets in the whole universe! (Didn’t he already get the powers of the selkie of Earth as well as from everyone’s home planets except for Bloom’s? Who’s gonna restore the Earth selkie’s powers... Wait, is it going to be Roxy? And does that mean we’re finally going to Domino this season?)

- I was gonna ask whatever Roy was gonna do without Layla being there but he isn’t there either. So why was he there the other times if not to drive the boat? They gave him one job to justify his presence and then they took that away as well.

- Funny how it is always the selkies of the girls that have gone on the Quest that appear and not any of the others. One of them (I am not even gonna bother to learn their names) said she could sense the presence of her fairy but still. Though, with their powers restored, I guess they could do that.

- Do I remember wrong or are Flora and her selkie the only ones that actually hugged? Cause that was kinda cute.

- Okay, Sky’s plan was good but did Bloom really need him to pull her out of the way? I am pretty sure she could have done that on her own since it was obvious what the plan was.

- If I were Stella, I’d be worried that a plant might eat me too. Having courage doesn’t mean that you can’t be afraid. It means that you find it in yourself to go on despite the fear. So I’d say Stella is courageous enough.

- Okay, but this plant looks like it was touched by Tritannus’ pollution and so did all the rest of the places from the Quest (except for Melody). So that means that what is happening wouldn’t have happened if not for him aka they aren’t actually completing the Quest because they are fighting Tritannus’ influence on the environment, not performing the tasks from the Quest.

- Good! Tecna and Layla are actually being strategical about this even though all Bloom wants is to hang out with the boyfriend. I wouldn’t mind if she didn’t just get targeted. But why the hell would she care about her safety - or Sky’s for that matter - when they can go on a romantic walk instead?

- Really? They need a translator? Flora has communicated with plants numerous times before. She should be able to understand what the Flower of the Depths is saying to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear god, the writers are really trying to be as stupid as possible.

- Why didn’t Bloom try to transform before jumping against the Trix? Or at least shoot some magic at them? Once again, how are they still alive?

- Darcy’s powers are awesome and she’s using them well. I love how she pushed Musa in her own trap. But damn, it was harsh of Musa to try to cause the rocks to crush Darcy. I thought the Trix were supposed to be the cruel ones.

- Wow, I thought Icy would have at least a couple broken bones after Layla smashed her in the rock like that but nope. She’s fine.

- Okay, I actually think that Sky and Bloom are cute in this episode, what the hell? I like the fact that they decided to stop trying to get the past back to him. That may even actually help him remember when he’s not stressing and straining to do it. I thought that Bloom meant one of the memories she wants to keep was that of the shell they found, though. Wasn’t that soulmate special or something?

5x12:

- Icy is really not paying attention, huh? I mean, Tritannus saying that he would give her one more chance somehow didn’t sound too reassuring to me. He gave the Trix their powers so he could probably take them away any time he wants and then destroy them. Which sounded exactly like what he was planning to do before Icy convinced him to give her one more chance.

- Well, they noticed the pattern of the Quest running through all their home planets. They could have tried looking for the yellow reef on Domino before asking the guardian of the Sirenix box. Just to do something on their own, you know.

- Who let Bloom go in that dress? Didn’t Tecna say Stella was there as well? How could she let Bloom even put that thing on, let alone wear it to the Domino renewal celebration. Also, why the hell is that happening only now? It has been a season and a half since Domino was restored. I thought this would be the discussion of Tritannus.

- Love how they didn’t even redo the footage from SotLK and just slapped the different art style right in the middle of the one from season 5. Lazy as lazy gets.

- Um, wasn’t the plan to capture Bloom? And if they changed it to getting Marion and Oritel, why didn’t they try to do that when Bloom wasn’t there? They couldn’t get her but they will somehow get her parents who literally defeated the Ancestral Witches while Bloom and two or three of her friends plus Sky are also there? How does that make sense?

- Oh, come on! The dresses looked much better without the flowers. Also, you’re telling me that Stella made them fit the same theme as Bloom’s but she didn’t have anything to do with Bloom’s dress? This is just... ridiculous. Also, how do flowers relate to Domino? Sparks or even gems would have made better sense. A fire pattern even.

- Marion and Oritel are giving very different vibes from the ones in Magical Adventure and even SotLK (even though they had like five lines each in that one).

- Did Bloom suddenly forget that Sky does not remember how he saved the Sword? And she left him alone even though he doesn’t have his memories? Also, why do none of their parents know about that? And up until this point, there were always three of them going on the Quest. But now that Bloom is actually needed somewhere else she is going even though she could have left it to Stella, Layla and Flora? Come on!

- Didn’t the pendant sink in the ocean on Earth? Where are the selkies now? And how come Flora’s selkie decided that she will know who the pendant belongs to? You know, out of the infinite number of people in the whole universe. The fact that she just so happens to actually know is yet another too convenient convenience but still.

- The mimicry fish are adorable and I love them.

- Wait, can any selkie open any portal? I thought they could only open the portals that they were guarding. But then Winx shouldn’t have been able to pass from Domino back to wherever Tritannus attacked - Andros maybe?

- Love how Marion instantly jumped away when the Trix attacked despite how much her outfit must weigh. And you’re telling me that Oritel is the fighter between the two of them? Yeah, right. Just please, let her use her magic to stop the Trix. We know she has it! Don’t make her look helpless because she is far from it.

- Well, of course, even the oceans of Domino are the best and have the rarest fish even though it is the planet of the Dragon Fire and Andros is the center of all oceans. Makes perfect sense.

- Okay, Marion and Oritel are definitely giving waaaay different vibes from the ones in the movies but I have to say that I kinda like how fierce they are. Not @ Oritel’s “Still have it in you?” because duh, she obviously does and even more so than you do, Oritel, but other than that I love how smoothly they just switch from celebration to a fight that is potentially for their lives. Also, I like that Sky gets to fight with them... Or at least he was supposed to.

- Yes, the one time Bloom is there, the others are completely useless. Also, that thing is not a coral. Wasn’t the Gem supposed to be in the jaws of the coral, not whatever the hell this fish is. And how is it in its mouth? How does it not ingest it when it eats? This doesn’t make sense.

- Love whatever Marion did there with shooting magic out of her sword. However, I don’t like the fact that the writers have forgotten she has magic and is not defenseless without a sword. And how did that trick even work? She could have just turned around and seen that it wasn’t the real Oritel. Not to mention that if Oritel knows the Trix are descendants of the Ancestral Witches, Marion does too aka she should have known that one of them has illusion powers. Given the fact that they fought a whole war against Lysslis, I am pretty sure she has faced similar tricks before and should have known better.

- Please, tell me the creature was supposed to vanish and it wasn’t Bloom that vaporized it from inside. Also, I so totally knew the last gem would be green. It made perfect sense.

- At least they remembered that Oritel’s sword is supposed to be special because it has Dragon Fire in it.

- Bloom and Sky saving her parents “together” makes no sense because Sky doesn’t have magic. So it wasn’t him that helped her save them but the sword.

- Their declarations of love were kinda undermined by him remembering and in such stupid way. Like, all the progress he made in restoring their relationship and even remembering a little wouldn’t have mattered if he hadn’t gotten the pendant back. Aka his blockage wasn’t actually going away. It was still there which means that his emotions were not getting worked out.

- I know Marion and Oritel will not go help save Daphne even though that would be the only logical thing and I am so fucking mad about it, you don’t even know.

5x13:

- Oh, god! They changed even the intro and the 3D animation is as ugly as I remember it to be. Love how they also spoil the fact that the girls will get Sirenix in this episode. Not that the title of the episode doesn’t.

- I have beef with this recap. That fish that had the Gem of Courage was so totally not a shark. It just wasn’t. I’m no shark expert but that was definitely not a shark. It looks like some fish you can find in the depths (I don’t remember their name) but it sure as hell ain’t a fucking shark.

- What training? They need to go get Daphne! Also, they handled Believix just fine. If Alfea had given them proper education, they should be able to control any transformation. Like, those should operate according to some goddamn logic.

- If Daphne hadn’t already told him, then why did she do it now? Man, he should have just made her talk before he told the Trix to leave Domino. Now that they were no longer there, Daphne didn’t have any reason to talk. She must have known that Bloom would find their parents so Tritannus lost his leverage. This is so nonsensical.

- What the hell does it mean that they have to look inside themselves? How is that gonna lead them to lake Roccaluche? The only one connected to it is Bloom because Daphne is her sister. This is ridiculous.

- How big is that lake and why does it look exactly the same way that the sea does? There is a difference between sweet water bodies and salt water bodies and the life inside them, you know, writers.

- Why would there be a protection system to guard the source of a whole ass goddamn transformation? It makes much more sense that anyone could just walk in and destroy it in 0.3 seconds.

- They just had to say that they will keep exhibiting the three virtues the Gems represented in order to get the location of the source of Sirenix? Man, really? Ugh, that is just so... ridiculously frustrating.

- For people who can lose their magic the same day, they sure don’t seem to be worried. Lounging and all.

- They know Tritannus was there. Obviously that is the explanation as to why the selkies did not find them.

- Yes, they totally look like they’ve “got this”.

- I actually liked the fact that Bloom had to give up finding out where Daphne is in order to save the lake. Seeing all the panicked animals rush around really drives home what is going on because they will all die if the lake dries completely.

- Oh, I am totally going to cry over Daphne’s anguish here. This looks so brutal. But here’s a thought for you. The whole power of Sirenix was put under a curse, right? Then why didn’t the Trix get affected by it? And if the Sirenix power is removed from Daphne, shouldn’t the curse disappear as well?

- Love how they forgot about the part where Sirenix was cursed even before Tritannus messed with the source.

- I hate the Sirenix transformation. It is the ugliest one to me and why did they have to go and give them streaks? The 3D look was bad enough already. Only the Trix’ Sirenix design is worse than this. (No, actually whatever the hell is happening to the Trix in the end of season 7 is the worst design idea they have ever had but I haven’t watched that.)

- So they didn’t need the selkies to enter the Infinite Ocean? Then how come that is what Tritannus needed? What the hell is wrong with the logistics of this whole thing?

- Where did all these minions come from? Did whatever he did to the... stone? thingy poison the nearby water and turn all creatures into his minions? Didn’t that work only on merfolk? If so, the Infinite Ocean seems overpopulated.

- They totally could have had Marion and Oritel in this but once Tritannus took Daphne into the Infinite Ocean, they would have needed to let Winx handle the rescue mission because the two of them wouldn’t be able to enter the Infinite Ocean. And boom, problem solved. They don’t have to drag Oritel and Marion through every episode while they still could have shown that they cared. Idk what was so complicated about that.

Part 2 can be found here.

[mc-critical]

Glad to see you’re back to taking asks!❤️ I hope all is well for you!

A bit of a simpler one this time around, I felt like Gülfem closer to the end of season 4 started to come off a bit..ingenuine to me? If that’s the right word? I mean she spent previous seasons partaking in plots against Hürrem and what seemed like hating her or at the very least expressing open disapproval of her actions and what she stood for to..consoling Hürrem’s restless conscience after Hürrem was diagnosed with a terminal illness? I just remember her saying things like she should be proud of the life she lived, that she wasn’t a bad person, that she shouldn’t think of her illness as a punishment etc etc. I suppose we could give Gülfem the benefit of the doubt and say that she saw no point in openly opposing Hürrem anymore (like Fatma or Mahidevran felt towards the end) but why not just leave the palace as they did? Perhaps they kept her around for the sake of the story but I feel like they didn’t do much with her arc past that point, they just did a time jump then revealed to us in a flashback she died? I think I’m just more confused than anything. Why not keep Gülfem’s feelings towards Hürrem at least somewhat consistent like Mahi/Fatma?

I'm fine, thank you! ❤❤ I closed my ask box mostly due to school work, the end of the year exams can be intense heh

I definetly get your sentiments since that sure seems to be an inconsistency to Gülfem's character at first glance. It may indeed turn out as a contrast to the remainder of what we have seen.

It isn't such a big problem for me, however, because we have to take two things into consideration:

Gülfem's stance of Hürrem plays a part in reflecting the tone of the final episodes of S04. The whole last chunk of the show before Hürrem's death did its best in recognizing her alleged legacy in ways it hadn't before. It suddenly began acknowledging her power, showing SS prove considerably more affection than ever before (that makes the most narrative sense out of everything, but still), folk praising her for the first time ever and most notably, various characters in the show, with positive, ambiguous and negative relationship with her alike, either praising her or consoling her. Gülfem is one of the more neutral characters in the castle and the most nurturing one, the one most able to empathize and console. It is only fitting to give her such a role to fit the message the writers want to deliver. Acknowledging Hürrem's legacy just now and like this is truly as much of a copout as it is fanservice, but at least it's not completely out of nowhere (especially the acknowledgment of her fondations) and they do give us some consistency with what Gülfem does along with everyone else in this whole ordeal.

S04 extends on Gülfem's role as a conscience character-wise, besides utilizing it in favor of the narrative voice. In these last episodes in particular, she seems to be the conscience of everyone in the castle, given her nature and that she's the last person left there who could do that. That includes Süleiman, as well as it includes Hürrem.

These things aren't presented in the best way, writing-wise, and could be sometimes more subtle than necessary. Gülfem herself could be a little underdeveloped as a character and has comparatively lesser screentime than the rest of the main and secondary cast. Her conscience is her clear role in the narrative, but her relationships, with the exception of Hatice (and the other sisters of SS to an extent), aren't as well defined. Look at her relationship with Mahidevran, for example: we got hints of their supposed past rivalry, we got hints of resentment, but these hints only turned into an inconsistent mess. There were much more scenes where they were in good terms with each other and anything else was so few and far in between, it only appeared to be a contrast. We got no true perspective of their past in Manisa and Gülfem's more personal opinion on Mahidevran, leaving it only as a static, but pretty good relationship. (which is why I'm grateful that S03 removed this set-up of their relationship, rendering it still not that well fleshed out, but more consistent.)

In a similar fashion, we never got a proper exploration of how exactly she felt about Hürrem, too. What I think I can say with confidence though is that certainly didn't hate her - Gülfem is a very patient and just woman, which I can only admire her for. She is a voice of reason, trying her best to be unbiased in her outlooks and stand for what is right. She has happened to knock Hürrem down a peg, but not because she disliked her, but because she thought she was crossing the line or offending the people she cares about. The closest we got to a look into a tiny resentment of Gülfem's of Hürrem was when Hürrem used her to make Mahidevran lose her rulership of the harem. It's normal that Gülfem would harbor such feelings, knowing that she didn't do anything to Hürrem before that and only supported her about Mahidevran wanting Valide's chambers. Being used in an intrigue like that clearly hurt her and her willing to stand even more against Hürrem was hinted at a little, but once again, that was a very short conflict. It would be a decent transition if the writers wanted that for Gülfem, but they didn't. It would run against Gülfem's forgiving nature at this point to hate Hürrem. Gülfem just is notorious in putting the past behind her. {hence on a thematic note, her backstory and origins not only didn't get revealed to us except for a few scenes, similarly to Mahidevran (Mahidevran got flashbacks, at least), but she, in contrast to both Mahidevran and Hürrem, has already adapted to her present, knowing that she cannot bring back what she has lost. And her adaption has already happened, it's not made out to be a character arc within the series.} Her feelings for Hürrem aren't kept consistent, because there isn't much to be kept consistent. Mahidevran and Fatma both have pivotal dynamics with Hürrem that play a major role in the narrative as they both play a more major part of the story. Gülfem and Hürrem's relationship as a whole seemed to have both its good and bad moments (as Hürrem herself recalled in E133) and the good moments were usually when both consoled someone and Gülfem consoling Hürrem now doesn't seem this strange anymore.

Gülfem also seems to put her own feelings behind her in favor of those of the others, probably in result of her huge loss. She always comforts the others, is there for them and shows her moral support. She seems to identify herself in their own struggles. That, I feel, gives her the ability to sympathize even with those she presumably doesn't like, because she's very open and honest overall. I don't think it's ingenuine, because Gülfem never showed signs of hypocrisy. Not to mention that every hypocrisy there is in the franchise, we know of: either through previously fully established dynamics, direction or character motive. (or at least that's a pattern I have noticed) I don't think they would put Gülfem, out of everyone, in such position. This consolation of Hürrem may have been moulded a bit, but it's certainly not ingenuine and runs in line with who she is. Besides, she did say she forgives Hürrem for every possible offense in E133. I think that clears the whole thing up.

I wouldn't say that Gülfem had no arc at all in S04, as well. [I wouldn't see them leaving her just for the story, either, because aside from E59-63, Gülfem usually didn't move the story in any significant way. They probably left her because she was the moral compass of the palace and she was one of the first characters after all, for her to stay as much as she can.] She doesn't have too much in the way of development or arc in the rest of the show, probably because she didn't have much to develop on her own and the writers didn't want to really flesh her out. The only thing she could develop is her relationships and most of them also didn't leave room for development (not even Hürrem, because she didn't do that much against her, except for the S02 finale, correct me if I'm wrong?), except for one: her relationship with Süleiman. Gülfem wants to preserve justice and Süleiman began to act completely counter of that. It's not a built-up arc, but it's only by S04 where SS's shadiest actions began to reach their peak, so only then would it begin to happen. Because she valued Süleiman before then.

She valued him to the point she dismissed his faults in the strife between his women and asked him the comfort question of whether he is happy with them when he called her to talk in E15. Their joint scenes had their continuation only by S04 where she similarly acted as his conscience after Hürrem's death. For she was the one close enough to him for him to confide in. Many people confided in Gülfem through the series, but Süleiman is one of the people that did it the most and it was as if this consoling went beyond the sheer usual support for her.

And what happens afterwards? The table begins to turn after Bayezid's execution. That angle is looked upon only after the time skip and during the flashback in E139, but it shows by its own merit alone a change, an evolution of Gülfem's opinion of SS and a reverse approach of her role as a conscience: Gülfem is so patient and understanding, but she has finally snapped. She has finally met her limit. In her words to SS in the scene we see how his actions have put themselves in a conflict far beyond what she can bear. She can no longer excuse him, she can no longer justify him.

That scene showed us her realization that he has the biggest part of the blame in the misfortunes in the palace. ("Even leaf cannot fall without your approval!") And she wanted to end him for that. I know it looks like this happened almost overnight, maybe looked a little too edgy and may feel like a contrived attempt to make an exit for her character, but it works well enough with me. Because after all, she has truly went through a lot and that suffering didn't even begin from Topkapı. It's only natural she would try to kill the root of the suffering for good. And here, for once, she stands up for herself, too, along with calling out all the unfortunate and devastating events.

[inawickedlittletown]

The New Abnormal - some thoughts

9-1-1 is back y’all. 

And I’m very happy that it is. I wasn’t going to write up a review of this episode mostly because I felt like there wasn’t much that needed to be said but I have thoughts. First, I’m so so happy to have this show back on the air. And secondly, I am pretty satisfied with this first episode. 

Spoilers under the cut:

This episode had an interesting quality to it in that we’re given some insight into what’s happened in the six months since we left the characters. And just like in the real world, everything has changed. The show had to give us just enough information to grasp at what’s happened with the characters so we learn fairly quickly that living arrangements have been a bit different. 

Chim is still staying with Buck in Buck’s apartment because he’s paranoid about being with Maddie. Maddie is with Albert. We also hear that at one point Eddie and Hen were both away from their kids/family but have since returned back home. Bobby and Athena remained together with May and Harry and grew an herb garden but that Harry has recently moved in with Michael and Michael’s doctor boyfriend (which confuses me because David is working at a hospital...so why would they want Harry to stay there?)

These small glimpses tell us that they have been affected by the pandemic just as much as we, the viewers, have. I do now have an image in my mind of Hen, Eddie, and Chim all staying in Buck’s apartment with blow up mattresses and all. Of course in my dream version of that Eddie would sneak upstairs to sleep in Buck’s bed once Hen and Chim were passed out. Hen and Chim would, out of the goodness of their hearts, keep pretending they weren’t aware of what was happening. Hen’s phone would have a whole album full of pictures that were shared in a group text that include everyone but Buck and Eddie. It would come back to bite them later. 

But, getting back to what was actually on screen:

This episode spends a lot of time with the developing emergency of the dam break. It reminds me a little of S3’s opening episode except that 4x01 isn’t quite as big. It’s a bit muted and the episode focuses on the bus through the building call and the rescue of the biker. Both are related to the dam break, but they’re also run of the mill cases for the 118. There is a lot of focus on the cases, though, and even more on the build up of the big emergency that opens this season. And to make that happen, this episode does not have a direct focus on the main cast of characters or an emotional focus. 

We get a little of everyone’s struggles. We see the Maddie and Chim issue of having moved in together and yet not living together, we have Bobby’s worry for Athena, May is worried too and taking a gap year to work as a 9-1-1 operator, and we’re introduced to the small mystery of who is Buck talking to via video call? But this is touching on the surface of the personal connections that these characters share with each other isn’t explored further in this episode. This makes sense because this episode feels like part one of the story and so not everything needs to be resolved right away. We don’t really get to see much of Hen or Eddie and we certainly don’t get to know what’s going on with them past their actions during the emergencies and even with Chim and Buck there’s only surface information. 

The episode does better when focusing on Athena which absolutely makes sense because of where Athena was left off in the last season. Athena’s struggle to return to work and having her want to take it easy and ease back into it only to have her then need to go on the streets felt so absolutely real. She’s our fierce Athena and she is struggling and yet so strong and resilient and then she’s caught up in the emergency and oh boy does 9-1-1 know how to hook you into wanting another episode immediately. 

The episode does give some focus to the people involved in the emergencies. CJ who is precious and must be protected. And Janelle who’s story is just heartbreaking in light of everything going on in the world. 9-1-1 sure knows how to make you care about one-off characters but the flashbacks leading up to her unfortunate bike ride really paints a picture of what this pandemic has done.  

Overall, I do like the way they’re handling the covid aspects even if it’s easy to tell that the use of masks makes some shots inconsistent and that the characters removing their masks constantly to speak/act with their whole faces is kind of funny but I guess necessary for the show. I think they’ve set up the dam break really well and that the episode is woven together really well in terms of how they develop the story they’re telling in particular to Athena but the emergency as a whole. I’m excited to see where this goes and how the rest of the season develops. 

Like everyone else, I am very curious about Buck’s “covid crush” and what that will mean in future episodes because it’s clear that not all seems straight forward with this and because we have Buck Begins coming up soon and what I expect to be lots of angst. I am so glad this show is back and can’t wait to see where it takes us.

[celosiaa]

hi i just found your blog and I love it?? so much??? you're a super talented writer!! if you want prompts: i'm a sucker for Tim and Jon being friends (or ex-friends) in hurt/comfort scenarios (but if you prefer Martin that's fine too!!) so how would you feel about Tim asking Jon for a favor despite that he knows he hadn't been feeling well the previous night, and Jon agreeing because he's JON and making Tim regret even asking lol. if you don't like this, I can try again!!

I!! Loved!! This!! Prompt!!!!  Literally so honored to receive a prompt from you!  Hopefully this will do it justice. :) 

This is set at the very beginning of season 2, before Jon gets super paranoid.  Tim’s thoughts are formatted in italics.

“Closing tiiiime, one last call for alcohol, so finish up your whisky or beeeer!!”

Martin rolls his eyes at Tim where he’s draped himself across his desk, singing both passionately and tunelessly into an air microphone.

“Closing tiiiiime, you don’t have to go home but—”

“Tim, it’s only just quarter past noon!  I hate to tell you, but we’re a long way from closing time, mate,” Martin giggles, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“Yeah, well, that just means it’s lunch time!  And it’s your big day!  So—where are we going?”

Martin’s grin falters ever so slightly.

“Er, well…actually, I don’t know if—”

“No no no, you do not get to back out of this one.  You’ve got to celebrate!  It’s not every day a man gets cleared for top surgery!” Tim replies fervently, sitting up properly on Martin’s desk.

Martin sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face.

“I know, and I really appreciate it Tim, it’s just…Jon asked me to look over some stuff, and I’m already behind because of my appointment this morning, and…you know how he can get.”

“…yeah.  Unfortunately.”

Tim glances over at Jon’s office door, which is fully shut with the blinds closed.  Truth be told, he’s been worried about Jon since he came back from leave.  The man had always been a little reclusive, a little awkward, but…this was something else entirely.  Nowadays, his door remains perpetually shut, intentionally closed off from the rest of the archival staff—and Tim doesn’t like it one bit.

He’s broken out of his reverie by Martin’s stomach growling.

“Ooh, sorry—”

Tim claps his hands together with a grin.

“Ha!  That settles it, then.  I’ll give him a distraction and he won’t even notice you’re behind,” Tim replies jovially.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.  It’s a good one, I’ve been saving it for a time of need.  Leave it to me.”

He gives Martin a wink as he stands, knowing that it will make him blush—and he’s delighted to be proven right, pink rising at once beneath his dusting of freckles.

Nothing if not predictable, Tim thinks with a fond grin.  As he passes by his desk, he grabs the file he’s been saving for the past few weeks and raps on Jon’s door.

No reply.

Tim’s brow furrows at this, concern beginning to rise.  He calls out and raps on the door again.

“Jon?  You okay?”

Still nothing.  He can’t hold down the anxiety rising in him now.

Something’s wrong.  Fuck.

“I’m coming in.”

He swings open the door, heart pounding, praying to whatever gods there may be that he’s not about to find Jon on the floor, covered in worms again.

The room is entirely Jon-less.

Sweet Jesus.

Tim takes a moment to breathe, allowing the panic to settle back in as he leans over, bracing his arms on his knees.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he fights back against the onslaught of memories—worms, blood, infection, pain, pain, pain—that flood incessantly through his mind.

He’s not here. 

He’s not here, and he’s fine.

You’re fine.

You’re fine.

Taking one last grounding breath, he stands to his full height, rubbing at his shoulder where the worms had dug into it as he exits the room.

Alright, you bastard, where’d you run off to?

He checks the break room next—not because he thinks Jon would be there, but because Sasha may know something he doesn’t.  As usual.  To his utter surprise, however, there stands Jon—leaning heavily against the countertop, fixing himself a cup of what looks to be more honey than tea.

Tim can’t help but laugh, causing Jon to jump at the unexpected noise.

“Ha!  Caught in the act!  Finally decided to take matters into your own hands, did you?  Martin will be so upset!” he booms, leaning casually against the door frame.

Jon’s only reply is to glare daggers at him over his shoulder, before turning back to his “tea” with a sniff.  Tim’s smile falls in confusion.

Odd.

Sweeping his gaze over Jon, he notices with rising alarm the way he’s braced against the countertop, his left leg shaking even as he leans onto his uninjured one.  Even more concerning is the presence of his cane, also resting against the counter within his arm’s reach—as Tim knows he doesn’t typically use it to walk short distances within the office.

Ooh, this is…not good.

He softens both his voice and posture carefully as he approaches.

“Jon?  You alright?”

Whipping his head back around, glare still in place, Jon sneers at him.

“I’m fine, Tim.  Leave off.”

Tim’s eyes go wide, and he steps back slightly, hands raised in consolation.

“Woah, boss.  Jesus.”

He remains frozen for a moment, unsure of how to proceed.  As he watches, pondering, Jon’s hand shakes so badly that tea sloshes over the rim of his mug, and Tim’s had enough.

“Jon, really.  You’re shaking.  Are you in pain?” he says lowly, crossing his fingers that this gentle tone won’t earn him a chewing-out.

Jon sighs and looks up, a gesture Tim recognizes as a plea for patience from whoever is listening.

“I said I’m fine, Tim.  Just leave it, please,” he says, his words carefully measured.

As Tim inhales to reply, Martin steps through the doorway, freezing for a moment when he sees Jon’s attempt at making tea.

“Oh!  Jon!  I was just about to make some.  Sorry I didn’t get it to you this morning, I had to—”

“I don’t need excuses, Martin.  And I can make my own tea.  Just get back to work,” he snaps viciously, never turning around to look at him.

The way Martin’s face falls at this sparks an anger in Tim that he hasn’t felt in a long while.

“Oh.  Um.  Right, sorry.  I’ll just—I’ll just go then.  Sorry,” he stammers as he hurries out of the room face beet red.

Oh, that’s it.

I’m going to kill him.

Jon at least has the graciousness to blush, regret pooling ever so slightly behind his eyes.

Tim throws his arms wide, glaring at him.

“You’re really going to snap at Martin, right in front of me, and not expect me to get angry?”

Sighing yet again, Jon does not reply, refuses to look at him.  Tim’s ire only grows, and his tone steadily ticks upward until it’s very nearly a shout.

“You know, if you paid attention to anything he’s told you, you’d know that he’s been trying to get an appointment with that top surgeon for nearly a year.  He’s been counting down the days on the office calendar for months, and he finally had it today, and you can’t even be bothered to remember?  To cut him any slack?  Are you joking?”

Jon meets his eyes at last, his glare sharp and cold.

“I do pay attention.  More than you know,” he hisses.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Jon looks away once again, staring into his tea.

“Just…just tell me what you wanted, Tim,” he says, his voice nearly a whisper.

God, I could punch him right now.

He throws the file he’s holding on the counter instead.

“You know what?  Fine.  I was just starting to feel sorry for you, and I was actually going to fix this problem for you.  But since you insist on being a complete arse, fine.”

He points forcefully toward the file folder.

“There’s an inconsistency with the date on this statement and the follow-up.  I tried everything I could to reconcile it, but we just need more data.  I need to know if there are any other statements about this house or the surrounding area so I can cross-reference them.”

“R-right, I’ll take care of that,” he says, voice still low, and takes the file. 

Tim’s anger very nearly abates when he reaches for his cane, then limps slowly and painfully to sit at the breakroom table.  But he cannot shove it down, no matter how much he wants to.

No, you know what? He can deal with whatever this is himself.

He ought to feel ashamed.

He can’t keep speaking to us this way.

Steeling himself, Tim locks his gaze on Jon once again.

“Look, I’m taking Martin to lunch today, and I don’t care if he’s behind on his work.  I don’t care what you think of it, either.  He deserves to celebrate, and you can just sit here and wallow.”

He turns immediately on his heel and strides out the door to collect Martin.

---

(7am, the next morning)

The brewing cold of autumn seeps into Tim’s bones as he walks from the gym, freshly showered and aiming to drop his things off at the Institute before grabbing coffee with Sasha.  It’s the first time he’s worked out on his own since he was discharged from physical therapy, and he cannot deny his frustration about the performance of his weakened muscles—muscles that had once been so strong.  Still, it had felt good to be back, and Tim had certainly not gone easy on himself.

Perhaps I should have, he thinks, feeling the shoulder beneath the strap of his gym bag beginning to seize up.

Dumping his bag on his desk, Tim flops down unceremoniously into his chair.  He can’t help but wince as he rubs at his sore shoulder, finding with dismay that he can no longer turn his head to the left without sending shooting pains to the base of his skull and across the top of his shoulder.

Damn it.  Overdid it again.

He spends a few minutes this way, breathing through the pain as he works his fingers over the knots, over the countless scars—testing his neck’s range of motion every so often.  It helps in part, but he ultimately finds himself still unable to turn his head by the time he’s finished.  He groans in frustration.

As he does so, a sharp sound echoes from deeper within the archives, and Tim is immediately set on high alert.

Fuck fuck fuck

He stays stock still, eyes blown wide, listening for any indication that something unwelcome has joined him here today, when—

A series of harsh, painful-sounding coughs floats from the direction of Jon’s office, where a light has been left on.

Vicious anger flares up in Tim instantly.

Oh you have got to be kidding me.

Standing up in a rush, he marches over to Jon’s office door, which stands partially open.  There sits Jon, hunched over his desk, staring intently at the pages scattered across it without really seeing them.  The deep black under his eyes tells Tim that, without a doubt, he has been here all night.

And he is furious.

“What the hell are you doing, Jon?”

Jon’s head snaps upwards, expression momentarily widened in shock, before it melts quickly back into his usual scowl.

“I’m only doing what you asked me to do, Tim,” he rasps, voice sounding decidedly small.

“I did not ask you to stay here all night,” Tim fumes, his hand slamming down angrily on the corner of Jon’s desk.

He jumps again, and guilt twinges in Tim’s chest—a twinge which deepens the longer he regards Jon’s complete bewilderment.

“It’s…morning?”

Silence hangs in the air for a moment as they stare at each other. 

Something’s wrong. 

Tim tries to swallow down his concern, remembering that he’s supposed to be angry.

“Look.  If I tell you to go home, are you going to listen to me?”

Jon drops his gaze at once, picking at the scars on his hands.

“Right.  That’s what I thought.”

Tim shakes his head briefly, looking away for a moment in frustration, when his eyes land on a small, wrapped present set on a shelf—on top of which stands a handmade card.  Squinting at it, Tim can just make out the front: “Congratulations” is scrawled across the bottom in forcibly-neatened cursive, above which sits a messy drawing of a Highland cow, shaggy hair hanging down over its eyes.

Tim quirks a smile at this, his anger dissipating immediately.

“That for Martin?” he asks, jerking a thumb toward it.

Jon looks up, eyes bleary.

“What?  Oh—yes, yes it is.”

“What is it?”

“Er—just some tea from my family in Jordan.  It’s…quite good, actually.  I thought he might like it.”

Tim is grinning smugly now, doing his best impression of a Cheshire cat while leaning over Jon’s desk.

“What an interestingly personal gift, Mister Sims.  In fact, one might even mistake it for flirting—that is, if you’re capable of such a thing.”

Predictably, Jon’s face flushes beet red at this, and Tim’s entire body tips back in laughter.

“I—you—it’s not flirting, Tim.  But I will have you know that I am capable of doing so, when I wish.”

Tim laughs again, so utterly pleased with himself at how flustered Jon has become.

“Right. Of course, silly me.”

After a moment’s silence, Jon sighs and rubs a hand into his temple, and Tim knows that the fun is over for now.

“So?  Do you want to come grab a coffee with me and Sasha?  Might do you good to get out of this place for a moment.  Maybe get some caffeine and try to look a little bit less like death warmed over.”

Jon shoots him a sharp glare, which Tim thoroughly enjoys, before turning his eyes to his cane where it rests against the desk.  Considering it for a moment, he worries at his bottom lip before reaching out to grab it.

“Fine.  If you—”

“If I insist, right.  And I do.”

“Alright.”

Jon braces his left hand against his desk, the right gripped tightly around his cane, and lifts himself to half-standing.

Panic laces up every nerve in Tim’s body when he gasps, shifting all his weight to his good leg and swaying alarmingly.  He grabs onto him immediately, steadying him by the upper arms with some difficulty.

“Woah, Jon, woah woah—”

Jon blinks rapidly, face growing ashen.

“Sorry, I…” he trails off at once, eyes closing.

“Sit back down, here—sit down, Jon.  God.”

Tim guides him back to his chair as the cane clatters to the floor, forgotten.  His eyes remain closed as he sits, prompting Tim to shake him gently by the shoulder.

“Jon?  You with me?”

After a few moments, he opens his eyes obediently, moving to nod before thinking better of it.

“Sorry, just—head rush.”

Tim rolls his eyes and stands to his full height, placing his hands on his hips.

“Bullshit.  What’s wrong with you?”

Jon holds out his hands, palms facing up.

“Nothing!  Just…change in the weather.  Affects my…affects my leg, that’s all.”

As he says this, something that looks suspiciously like a fever chill runs the length of his body.  Tim snorts in derision.

“Right.  Sure.  And there’s nothing at all to the fact that you’re literally shaking right now?”

Jon’s eyebrows furrow in annoyance at this. 

“I’m not—”

He breaks off as he looks down—finding that he is, in fact, shaking.

Unbelievable.

“Right.  I’m going to ask you again, and you’d better not lie to me.  What’s wrong with you?”

At this, Jon sighs, looking away with an expression that shows he’s at least considering honesty.  

Suppose that’s all I can ask for.

His considerations are cut short by coughing, which he muffles quickly with both his elbow and his closed mouth.  Tim can’t help but wince at the sound—so dry and wheezing and painful that he can almost feel it in his own throat.  As the fit comes to an end, Jon lowers his elbow and heaves out a wet sigh.

“Just…not feeling well, that’s all.  It’s nothing.”

Tim is momentarily shocked by the candor of that statement, and feels his chest swell with responsibility.

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Though he knows Jon will be distinctly annoyed by it, Tim places a hand on his forehead—quickly realizing what a useless thermometer his hand makes.  Jon scowls up at him especially unpleasantly.

“What, it works in the movies!” he says defensively, dropping his hand.

Jon’s scowl only deepens, but he remains silent.

“Fine.  I’ll just go get the thermometer, then.”

Tim walks quickly toward the break room to grab the first aid kit, which he knows Martin has recently restocked with just about everything his money could buy.  Tim had made fun of him for it at the time—both for the absurd nature of his worry, as well as the extremely limited number of potential office uses for things such as a satellite phone—but now, he felt nothing but gratitude for his foresight.

Should really listen to Martin more. 

Maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up with worms in my shoulder, and I’d still be able to turn my head properly.

He grabs the thermometer and walks briskly back down the hallway, hearing Jon’s coughing resume—the painfully hollow barking no longer contained by his shirt sleeve.

Jesus, he sounds awful.

When he arrives back at Jon’s office, he finds him braced over his knees, trying to catch his breath in the wake of his fit.  Every inhale is drawn heavily, his lungs seemingly starved for oxygen. 

Tim’s worry grows with every passing second.

“Alright, Jon, put this under your tongue,” he orders, holding the thermometer in front of him. 

He takes it resentfully—but puts it under his tongue nonetheless.  They wait for a few moments in silence, Jon struggling to breathe through a blocked nose until the thermometer beeps, and Tim takes it out to read it. 

“38.3.  Not too bad, but most definitely there.”

Jon does not reply, instead dropping his head as he resumes pulling in labored breaths in through his mouth.

Christ.

Tim sighs, replacing his hands on his hips.

“Alright, Jon.  What else is there?  Besides all of—” he gestures vaguely at him— “this, and the hacking up a lung?”

It appears that Jon had not heard him, his breaths still coming in heavy and wheezing.

“Hey.”

Tim snaps his fingers in front of Jon’s face and kneels in front of him, trying to draw his gaze.

“Hey—look at me, Jon.  What else is there?”

His eyes turn vague and glassy as his breath hitches, catching a few times before he turns, grabbing wildly at the box of tissues set on his desk.  He manages to press one against his nose just in time, facing away from Tim as he sneezes thrice—harsh and wet—before it morphs steadily back into awful barking hacks.

Jesus, Jon.

Tim shifts his weight back to sit cross-legged on the floor, waiting out the fit with his head resting against his fist.  Nearly half a minute goes by before Jon turns back to him, still visibly shaking.

“Leg hurts,” he whispers weakly.

Tim lets out a soft laugh.

“That much I gathered.  Head too?” he asks as Jon begins to rub at his temple again.

Jon only sniffs and nods in response, closing his eyes.

At this, Tim stands, folding his arms sternly across his chest. 

“You should really go to a clinic, Jon.  You look absolutely dreadful.”

“I’b fide, Tib,” Jon mutters, and Tim can’t help but outright laugh.

“Ha!  Sure.  You’re right, case closed, totally not struggling to breathe or anything.”

Jon glares at him once again before reaching for another tissue, blowing into it with some difficulty and little relief.

Something about his misery pulls at Tim’s chest, and he takes pity.

“Really, boss, that looks like the flu to me.  And if you won’t do it for yourself, then take one for the team and go home.  You don’t want to get us ill, I can promise you that.  Then you’ll find us even more insufferable than usual, me especially.  And yes, that is a threat.”

The corners of Jon’s mouth quirk up faintly at this, and Tim feels like he’s won the lottery at last.

“Fide.  I’ll go.”

“Excellent.”

Tim picks up Jon’s cane from where it’s fallen to the floor, handing it to him and bracing the opposite elbow as he stands.

“Come on, now.  There we are.  Have to get you out of here before Martin arrives and starts fussing.”

Jon huffs out a laugh, a genuine smile spreading across his face.

“Tim?”

“What?”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?”

Tim sputters in mock indignation, jaw dropping as he turns to face Jon.

“How dare you even suggest that?  I’d never do such a thing.”

Jon’s shoulders shake with muffled laughter as they walk, and Tim feels like the luckiest person in the world to be able to witness it.

[itsclydebitches]

Hello, lovely readers! Welcome back. Buckle up, this chapter — and its accompanying recap — is one of our longest so far. 

To start, I am grappling with my surprise over the opening sentence of Chapter Seven:

“Scarlet was disappointed that there’d been no big celebration following reinitiation.”

I’m sorry, reinitiation is over? First, this goes against the expectations set up last chapter. Sun, Velvet, and Scarlet had a whole conversation about how this test looked exactly like normal initiation, so obviously there must be some key difference in order to both differentiate it from regular initiation, and ensure that students originally from Shade don’t have a major advantage. They seemed to expect a twist to this test so I expected a twist too. In fact, as a reader looking for entertainment, a twist was all but assured. Or so I thought. When nothing much happened during Velvet’s adventure — she just drops down the first hole she sees, immediately spots the relic, and dodges some grimm on her way out — I thought, “There must be a Part II coming up.” The airship isn’t taking them back to Shade, it’s taking them to the next sequence in the test. …Apparently not. It really is just like regular initiation.

Second, what about the rest of Team CFVY? What about Team SSSN? We don’t need to follow every character individually (that would indeed take a while), but at least do something similar to what we just got with Velvet and Sun undergoing the same challenge. If I remember correctly, the student body was divided into three or four groups, meaning that by default every member of our teams will be mixed up with someone else and, based on Velvet’s challenge, every airbus team is given the same task. So just show us two more adventures and you’re done. Given how short most chapters are (Chapter Eight is a mere six pages) and the fact that we’ve got twenty-one of them overall, that’s not much of a hardship. As it stands this is… weird. Why Velvet? Why, out of eight separate characters — two of which are team leaders and seemingly more of a main character than she is, as least two others who we know next to nothing about — does she get the extra time and attention? It’s like if RWBYJNR underwent a test but we only heard about Jaune and Blake’s experience, with Jaune dropped halfway through the chapter and everything else is told through Blake’s PoV. Like yeah, that’s technically fine, we can assume they all completed the same task, and Blake is great! But it’s still weird when you’ve got seven other characters to balance.

Not to mention missing out on everything else that I assumed we’d get answers to. Velvet obviously never found Yatsuhashi since we were never given a test section where they were together. How did Yatsuhashi deal with the panic he was struggling with when we left him? Did Fox have to rely on someone else to get him a relic since he couldn’t see them? What does Coco think about all this??

We might get flashbacks at some point, but right now we’re starting Chapter Seven having skipped all of this including, as Scarlet points out, the immediate emotional aftermath. I don’t really care about another Beacon Brigade meeting, I care about the shocking change that was thrown at our characters and changed the whole dynamic of this school… but apparently we’re moving on.

As said, Scarlet is sad there was no party because he, unlike everyone else, is pretty thrilled with the new teams. Yup, they actually changed. At least that’s an engaging development. Especially given how uh… volatile these teams are likely to be. Scarlet now fights with Coco who is no longer the team leader. Instead, it’s a girl named Reese who “didn’t strike [Scarlet] as a born leader. On the other hand, she wasn’t Sun, so she was definitely an upgrade.” Yeah, it becomes clear within a couple of paragraphs that Scarlet straight up hates Sun, rather than simply grappling with frustration over his recent behavior.  

He’s likewise critical of the Beacon Brigade, mentally referring to them as a “pity party” which 1. Yikes, Scarlet, people died and 2. Why is he here? It seems like everyone whose perspective we’ve gotten so far — with the exception of Velvet — thinks these get-togethers are a waste of time, yet they continue to attend them. From a writing standpoint it’s easy to see why you’d want these characters there to prompt personal conflict, but I’m confused as to the in-world reasons for why so many of them are sitting through something they only have criticism for. Is it peer pressure? Loyalty to their friends? Lack of anything better to do? The disgust or indifference for this group is well established, though not what makes all these characters attend it anyway.

We’re at least told that Sun was “dragged” here by Velvet which… okay? Why? Last chapter Velvet didn’t particularly like Sun either, so I suppose she’s simply looking to improve him or something? Honestly, the Velvet we’ve given while seeing the world through her eyes and the Velvet of other chapters seem radically different from one another. By that I don’t mean that Velvet sees herself differently than she really is. An example of that would be Ruby thinking that she’s bad at making friends, when in reality she forms deep bonds incredibly quickly. 

It’s a characteristic that has always existed, obvious to the viewer too, but Ruby simply doesn’t notice it due to her own self-confidence, self-esteem, etc. Velvet, meanwhile, is written as a different character altogether. The Velvet who exists across most of this book comes across as far quite kind and patient, whereas when we’re in her head Velvet is both internally and externally mean. Her attitude flips on and off like a switch. I know I said last time that Sun’s admiration at her avoiding the Ravagers might finally start changing her tune about him, and that could indeed be an explanation for why she brought him back to the Beacon Brigade, but that doesn’t explain the extreme change in how she holds a conversation with him. Remember that last chapter we had “tough love” Velvet who was insulting Sun almost every chance she got. This Velvet speaks calmly and patiently until Sun understands their reasoning behind forming this group… which yeah, is a good thing. I’m glad someone is offering to explain things to Sun instead of just assuming the worst of him, but we’re nevertheless left with very inconsistent characterization. How and why did this change come about? Will Velvet revert back to tough love? Who can say? Certainly not me.

At least Scarlet’s opinions are clear: “just when [he] was ready to get a little distance from [Sun]” he shows up again. He goes on to think about how he just wanted a fresh start which, okay. Fair. That’s partly the point of this whole exercise and but right now Scarlet is convinced that a fresh start isn’t possible “with Sun in charge.” So Sun as an individual seems to be the problem here, not Scarlet’s team as a whole. Which would likewise be fair if I had a better understanding of where such intense opinions were coming from. In this chapter we’re suddenly told that Sun running off isn’t a new occurrence:

“Well, you were always leaving us and going solo. We were never sure why,” Scarlet said. They might not be on the same team now, but his questions hadn’t gone away.

Sage still had questions, too. “Were we not good enough for you?” he asked.

Okay, that definitely sounds like a legitimate flaw that would alienate your team members from you... but when did this happen? Granted, the answer to this might (again) just be, “In After the Fall, Clyde” but we’re nearly a hundred pages into this book and this issue hasn’t come up before now—something that would be very easy to accomplish when each chapter is changing perspectives. Upon reflection, Sun is doing things semi-solo in a lot of the main series, but that never came across as anything other than an easy writing choice to me. Meaning, Sun originally existed as a faunus friend for Blake, someone outside of Team RWBY to get involved in the White Fang fight. Introducing him as a single character is easier, having him meet with Blake alone makes sense, etc. Not only is the concept of teams existing as a single unit that always does everything together ridiculous, but Neptune was clearly meant to exist as a representation of the rest of the team without having to write three distinct characters alongside Sun every time he comes on screen. Sun is solo on the docks. Sun is at the cafeteria with Neptune. Sun infiltrates the White Fang with Blake. Sun eavesdrops on Team RWBY with Neptune. In the main series I never got the sense that Sun was avoiding his team, only that he had a life outside of his team and that his team was otherwise represented through one guy instead of three. Three wouldn’t have worked for most of these scenes. 

All of which isn’t to say that Sun didn’t avoid his team — I’m not claiming Scarlet is lying — only that I’m not convinced we’ve seen that flaw. Which is incredibly common in RWBY. Characters will make quite significant statements and the viewer/reader is left wondering when this thing happened, or why the contradictions we can easily see in the story aren’t acknowledged. If Sun, as leader, has a habit of ditching his friends, both leaving them to function as a team without him and acting as if he doesn’t like spending time with them… then yeah, that’s absolutely something that needs to be addressed. But where is that Sun? Why haven’t I seen that characterization? Every time they’re together his team avoids him (Scarlet being a perfect example). Even Sun baffled by the accusations.

How could he not know? Scarlet wondered.

I don’t know either! This certainly seems to be a misunderstanding, but oddly the one person who can shed some light on the miscommunication doesn’t speak. Sun looks to Neptune in his confusion which makes perfect sense because: Hey, best friend! The guy I do everything with and who functions as clear evidence that I’m not always going solo like Scarlet claims, can you explain what’s going on here? We might have gotten an exchange where Neptune points out that spending time with him doesn’t equal spending time with the whole team, Scarlet and Sage feel left out, and that’s absolutely a claim that would stand up within the canon… but Neptune says nothing. Sun is simply accused of being a horrible leader who doesn’t want anything to do with his team, despite there being very little basis for this in the text. All we’ve got is him leaving with Blake which, as I’ve explained, is something he does need to apologize for. But that’s the conflict we’ve seen, not this broad, wishy-washy claim that Sun is an all around bad person.

What it comes down to is that Scarlet’s disdain is apparently rooted in more than just a single action of Sun’s, it’s apparently a pattern of behavior that he takes issue with, but I haven’t seen him be a particularly bad leader/friend lately. Or, I should say, certainly no worse than everyone else around him, given that this entire group does what they want and insults one another on a regular basis. Sun isn’t an exception in that. Both the book and this conversation feels like an attack on Sun’s character, not the event we know he needs to redeem himself for. When Blake left, Team RWY didn’t speak ad nauseum about how horrible a person she is, not talented enough to fight with them, incapable of doing anything right…  insults that are separate from the issue at hand. The mistakes we’ve seen Sun make aren’t aligning with the complaints other characters have about him, but nor is the story acknowledging that his friends might be biased or simply wrong. Basically, like Velvet’s character, it’s a confusing, inconsistent mess.

And if it feels like I’m repeating myself every chapter it’s because the book is repeating itself every chapter. How many times are we going to tell the reader who awful Sun is? We’re nearly a hundred pages in, folks. 

I’ve been getting very ahead of myself though. Before we delve into Sun’s apology and the resulting confessions, let’s quickly lay out the new teams. Yatshuhashi and Neptune have ended up together, which explains a certain scene that I know is coming later. I figured that the entirety of CFVYSSSN was conducting their investigation together and some cross team duos came about. Turns out they’re actually part of a team now. It’s an interesting premise! Too bad I know it’s heading in the worst possible direction.

Also, everyone already has color names. That’s the true evidence for non-random assignments! The instructors would never come up with enough color related terms otherwise lol. 

“Oh brilliant headmaster, why did you choose to put me on this team? Was it because I worked so well with this peer of mine? Or does my semblance compliment another’s?”

“No, kid. Your name just happens to start with an ‘F’ and we needed one to get an abridged version of ‘Forest.’”

“…ah. I see. One more thing, sir.”

“Yes?”

“I’d like to transfer to a less stupid institution.”

These conversations had to have happened. 

Velvet has been paired with Octavia as well as another Beacon hating student named Nebula. No surprise there. Then, just to make sure we don’t go more than a few paragraphs without insulting Sun, we’re told that “poor Sage” is still “stuck with him.” Sage is now the team leader, another choice that Scarlet doesn’t understand. Indeed, he actually says that this is “proof of the utter randomness of the exercise.” I’m both inclined to agree (in the sense that, as said, managing all these team aspects intentionally is nearly impossible) and also point out that by all intents and purposes Jaune should have read as an idiotic choice too. “How can you say that, Clyde? Jaune showed astounding leadership during his own initiation!” No he didn’t. Jaune noticed that a scorpion’s tail was loose, yelled out a generic call to action, Pyrrha figured out what to do, and then he told Nora to finish it off. Jaune said they needed to help get across the gap and help them in the first place (no duh) but Nora is the one who figures out how. It’s really not much, especially compared to things like spending most of his initiation stuck in trees and having no idea how to wield his sword. If Jaune can be made leader Sage should absolutely be given the chance. Everyone should be given the chance compared to the guy who became team leader without knowing what a landing strategy was. 

Scarlet concludes all this by saying that “Sun didn’t seem bothered in the slightest by not being the boss,” but remember, when a character is already inclined to think the worst of someone, their assumptions about their emotions aren’t necessarily accurate. We won’t know until/if we get back into Sun’s head whether he’s truly indifferent to these changes or not. Not that Scarlet needs any such confirmation. He decides that Sun “probably didn’t care who was in charge because he wasn’t going to listen, anyway.”

This is still so confusing to me. Did the rest of team SSSN tell Sun not to leave and he blew him off? Am I forgetting a time recently where he made his team do something they didn’t agree with? If not, where is this ‘Sun doesn’t listen to anyone’ criticism coming from? Even if we establish that it’s true — perhaps supported by the free spirit personality Sun wields, though that’s not the same thing as ignoring orders — why is he the only one getting heat for it? Coco doesn’t listen to anyone either. She’s out here metaphorically flipping Rumpole off to conduct an investigation that Sage and Scarlet didn’t seem to agree with, but Sun, trying to integrate everyone into Vacuan culture, is the one who abandons everyone to do what he wants? 

But this is normal for RWBY. A flaw is a flaw until it’s applied to the character this story supports, then it becomes something to praise instead. In some respects, this is even more frustrating to experience in the novel because unlike in the webseries, there’s plenty of time here to explain a character’s opinions, show us their memories, lay out the nuance in these relationships, all the techniques that would help convince the reader of a difference in behavior when actions seem pretty identical at first glance… yet here we are, not utilizing that time or, when we are, providing inconsistent information. There have been precious few moments in this novel where I’ve felt like I have a firm handle on a protagonist: what their motivations are, what actions they’ve taken in response to that, how those actions have been received, and whether that reception is justified. 

Honestly, the most consistent aspect of this novel is how closely it aligns with the webseires: both texts don’t make good internal sense and leave me scratching my head over what I’m supposed to take away from the story, let alone whether that takeaway makes sense based on what I’ve been shown.  

But I promised you all Sun’s apology. Let’s just chuck out the whole thing:

“Here we go again with the Beacon Brigade stuff,” Sun muttered.

“Excuse me?” Velvet frowned. “I thought you came back here to apologize.”

Scarlet laughed. How could she even believe that? “Sun’s pretty bad at apologies.”

“I can apologize!” Sun’s tail swept back and forth.

“Go on, then.” Scarlet said, prompting him.

Sun put his hands into his pockets and looked down. “I’m sorry I said all those mean things and stormed out of here last time,” he said quickly.

“Thank you—” Velvet began.

Sun lifted his head. “But I was only trying to help you understand how elitist this group looks to everyone else.”

Scarlet rolled his eyes. He leaned back to watch the show.

I’m going to fall back on a list for this one.

1. As said in the past, I’m well aware that a story needn’t show us every scene but should rather provide information that allows us to extrapolate things based on the context and basic logic. e.g. “I haven’t read a scene yet where these characters brush their teeth, but I can assume it’s happening and we just don’t see it because that’s incidental to the plot and would (theoretically) be boring.” In fact, a story that provides too much information—be it in world building, characterization, every detail of the current event—will often have failed in one of its core intentions: entertainment. I get that. However, it feels like more often than not RWBY struggles to pinpoint which moments should be shown and which should be relegated off screen. I, for one, would have liked to see this conversation between Velvet and Sun. Not because a conversation inviting him to another Beacon Brigade meeting is inherently exciting, but because we’ve been given a context wherein such a conversation is significant for both of their developments. Velvet was incredibly critical of Sun last chapter. Now she’s “dragged him” back to this meeting. Is it because she’s changed her tune about him, or because she hopes to change him further? That’s important. Sun, last we saw, was digging his heels in regarding the meetings, the new teams, and the refugees’ overall approach to living at Shade. Now, Velvet tosses out that he “came back here to apologize.” What changed Sun’s mind and got him to admit he overstepped? Or is Velvet wrong in her assumption about what he intended to do? This story is character driven—we’ve gotten very little action thus far, none of which has been integrated into the emotional stakes—yet consistently the story fails to answer questions like, “What does this character want?” “What made them change their mind about this?” and “Do we trust their perspective and interpretation of events?” Like skipping out on everyone else’s reinitiation, it’s impossible to get invested in the “development” of characters when we’re always unclear about where they started, where they’re heading, and what in the world happened to enact any change we see between chapters. 

2. Similarly, we’re told that “Sun’s pretty bad at apologies.” Did anyone else know this prior to Scarlet announcing it to the group (the reader)? Yes, Sun has yet to apologize for leaving with Blake, but that is, as I’ve stated above, one event that is not necessarily indicative of a behavioral trend. I’d much rather have known a Sun across the webseries and this book who consistently demonstrates an inability to admit when he’s wrong, not simply be told that by a character when it becomes relevant to the scene. Or, at the very least, allow our time with characters like Scarlet to provide that information in a more persuasive, fulfilling manner. Maybe he thinks about all the times Sun has let him down and then refused to acknowledge it. Maybe we get another flashback to a similar event that this is reminding Scarlet of. Maybe he and Sun actually talk and we get a sense of how this opinion formed. Something other than an announcement simply informing us of an impactful character flaw that we haven’t seen up until now.

3. Especially given that Sun does apologize and it’s not a bad apology either, it’s just that he’s chosen to apologize for the things he’s actually sorry for: saying mean stuff and storming out. It takes a lot to admit that two of his responses weren’t appropriate and there’s enough specificity and sincerity here that Velvet immediately accepts it with a “Thank you.” Where Sun arguably messes up is in continuing his apology with a “But…” yet here I’d like to reiterate that the simplistic advice we find on tumblr isn’t applicable to every situation. Meaning, I’ve seen a lot of posts lately about apologies, reminding people that it should be about acknowledging how you hurt someone regardless of your intentions, not using your intentions as an excuse for your actions. I agree with that. I likewise think Sun did this. He admits that he hurt people despite not meaning to and he owns up to that, even if he does so in a quickly, clearly uncomfortable manner. Acknowledging that you hurt someone despite your intentions doesn’t mean that your intentions can never be brought up again. If I accidentally insult someone in the act of confronting them about, say, destructive behavior, I should indeed apologize for that… but that doesn’t mean the issue itself—the destructive behavior—is forever off the table. It’s an important topic and Sun likewise has an important topic he’s trying to broach again, this time in a more respectful manner. Sun is sorry for the cruel things he said, he’s sorry for storming out, he’s sorry for how he responded to things… but he’s not sorry for his opinion about the situation itself, and that’s fair. Apologizing for your behavior does not require that you suddenly agree with the person you’ve hurt. Indeed, it’s only Sun challenging the group again—this time in a non-insulting, non-storming out manner—that the group itself realizes that they haven’t been clear about their own intentions. The issue was never whether the group is a good thing or a bad thing, but rather that the group didn’t bother to explain to Sun why they were doing this in the first place, leaving him to come to his own conclusions—and then getting upset when those conclusions turned out to be inaccurate. Up until this moment, no one in this room is inclined to spend time with Sun, let alone ensure that he has an accurate view of what this group means, so is it any surprise that he took things at face value? The group who named themselves after Beacon doesn’t want to be a part of Shade. That’s what it looks like on the surface and thus, that’s what he assumed. 

4. Despite the complexity of this situation—by far the best Myers has managed thus far in this novel—Scarlet doesn’t acknowledge any of it. Not the group’s behavior towards Sun that resulted in a lack of understanding, not Sun’s understandable assumptions, not his inappropriate response to them, nor his apology. Scarlet said Sun was bad at apologies and Sun just proved him wrong… but acknowledging that requires likewise acknowledging everything in the above paragraph. Scarlet doesn’t want to think about what Sun is apologizing for vs. concerns he still has, he just hears a “But” and “rolled his eyes" to “watch the show.” What’s perhaps the most strange about all this — and the easiest to pinpoint as a potential problem — is that Scarlet agrees with Sun. He thinks the Beacon Brigade is a waste of time too! In another story I would expect to either a) have Scarlet grudgingly admit that Sun had a point, helping to lead him to some realizations about his bias, or b) have the story itself acknowledge that Scarlet is interested only in criticizing Sun no matter what he might actually say or do. If we boil the conversation down we’ve got:

[Scarlet is critical of the Beacon Brigade]

[Sun is critical of the Beacon Brigade]

[Scarlet ignores that tie between them]

and

[Scarlet thinks that Sun isn’t capable of apologizing]

[Sun apologizes]

[Scarlet ignores this]

This trend is likewise seen at the start of the meeting when Scarlet goes, “The gall of it. It was so obvious what Sun was doing—he was practically gleeful to be rid of his teammates” in response to Sun not seeming devastated by the changes. It’s the same situation we got last chapter with Velvet, wherein one character’s interpretation of a situation — Sun doesn’t look sad enough to my liking — doesn’t necessarily match up with reality. Indeed, when Scarlet throws out another accusation we’re shown precisely how inaccurate his perspective is:

“I guess it’s not hard to move on when you’re always moving, huh?” He sat up straight and looked at Sun. “Just how ecstatic are you to be moving on from us? Be honest. While we’re at it, maybe you can explain why.”

Sun was taken aback. “What?”

Sun is shocked by the idea that he’s “ecstatic” over these changes because he’s clearly not. There’s so much miscommunication among these characters and, thus far, incredibly little done to resolve it. This conversation explaining the Beacon Brigade to Sun is the major exception and, as a result, is one of the only worthwhile scenes. I feel like our characters have finally changed in some way. Yet to continually balance out any enjoyable bits, Scarlet’s bias stands in contrast to this improvement we see with Sun. It’s even more obvious when we factor in Scarlet’s revelation about Nolan in the same conversation. Despite witnessing nothing nearly as concrete as an apology when he said apologies weren’t something Sun was good at, Scarlet comes to the conclusion that he had been “underestimating Nolan all this time” and seems, from a single comment, to form a much higher opinion of him. The kicker is that not only does this moment not jumpstart a similar revelation regarding Sun, but is rather used as another segue into criticism of him: “Just like Sun had been underestimating the rest of them. But would Sun ever see that?”

Sun is indeed blind to some things, but so is Scarlet. Arguably more-so. At least here we see Sun listening to the others and flat out admitting that he was wrong. The confusing nature of Scarlet’s anger — is he upset about the Blake incident or something that seems to exist ‘off screen’? — coupled with his inability to acknowledge the improvements Sun is striving to make when they’re literally happening right in front of him, makes for a frustrating read. So as always: Yay flawed characters? It’s just too bad that this cast seems to be made up primarily of flaws and are doing incredibly little to improve themselves. Unless you factor in things like Velvet’s randomly changing personality.

As said though, I think the group does a good job explaining their perspective to Sun, largely because they bother to take a moment to connect with him, see how and why he came to these conclusions, and respectfully lay out their own perspective. Velvet explains that names are important, a part of your identity, and thus when they came to Vacuo they wanted a new name to reflect their new life. “Beacon was the obvious choice.” By the end of the scene Sun freely admits his mistake — “Maybe I was wrong,” Sun said — but still maintains that his misunderstanding stemmed from something. All of these (somewhat convoluted) explanations involving names, identity, belonging, moving on, but keeping their past is in no way obvious when you just hear the name Beacon Brigade. “‘Well, you’ve been sending a mixed message with this group, at least to Vacuans,’ Sun said stubbornly” except that “stubbornly” is uncharitable because he’s right. Not about the Beacon Brigade being a useless waste of time like we saw a few chapters back, but about the name and meeting sending the wrong message without that complicated context attached. The name alone has no connection to Vacuo. The name sounds like they’re refusing to move on. The name is also weirdly about being an army despite this being a therapy group, but we’ve already mentioned that. The statements “Your reasons for having this group and naming it this are valid,” “It’s not your fault that the Vacuans are refusing to accept you,” and “On the surface that name and these meetings send an unintended bad message that doesn’t help your already iffy social status” can and all do exist simultaneously.

The fact that Sun is using this opportunity to understand where the Beacon Brigade is coming from, but the Beacon Brigade is continually insisting that his perspective has no merit, just reinforces that the only one undergoing any growth here is Sun. Which, coming into this novel, I would have said is justified. He abandoned his team! He followed Blake! He listened in on her private conversations! He hasn’t even apologized to his team yet! Sun obviously has things to work on. But the expectation of him being the most in need of improvement rests on those around him being more level-headed, empathetic, talented people than he is… and they’re not. In this novel, the people Sun has hurt can be just as stubborn and cruel, making just as many iffy decisions. So when we’ve got a whole school of incredibly flawed teens, with one individual clearly striving to do better while the others endlessly pile on him… uh, I’m in that guy’s corner. At least I understand how Sun’s development is coming about, unlike Velvet. At least Sun admits when he’s made mistakes, unlike Coco and Scarlet. At least Sun hasn’t done anything close to the horror that I know is coming with Fox and Yatsuhashi…

So yes, to say that this scene and its resulting implications is complicated is an understatement. For the love of God, let’s move on.

We get another flashback, this time to Team SSSN arriving in Vacuo to meet with Headmaster Theodore and Rumpole. Recall that we were shown the exact same situation with Team CFVY… but wow is Theodore different here. Previously, I praised his compassion and ability to inspire new students because in that scene it was clear he was thrilled to have Team CFVY joining his school. Theodore is not thrilled to accept Team SSSN and I’m honestly unclear as to why. Both did well in the Vytal Tournament, which is something Rumpole apparently looked over when evaluating the students. Both participated in — and survived — the Battle of Beacon. Both are here now, hoping for a new place to call home, yet the reception SSSN receives is distinctly frosty.

Granted, this is at least partly because we’re still seeing things through Scarlet’s perspective, but that doesn’t cover everything. Theodore starts the flashback by reminding them that he believes “Actions speak louder than words,” to which Sun wholeheartedly agrees. Rather than acknowledging that they have similar outlooks, Rumpole tells him to be quiet — “[she] put a finger over her lips” — and when Sun doesn’t seem to notice the gesture Scarlet interprets this as him being “cocky.” That… doesn’t really line up. Regardless, Theodore is interested to know why Sun didn’t attend Vacuo if he grew up here, seeming to read that choice as some sort of insult towards him and his school: “He exchanged a look with Professor Rumpole. Then he looked sternly at Scarlet, Sage, and Nexpeptune.” When Sun explains that he wanted to see more of the world before settling down, Theodore and Rumpole jump on the word choice.    

Sage snickered. Rumpole’s eyes flashed gold.

“So you think of Vacuo as ‘settling’?” Theodore asked.

Wait. 

Excuse me, educator, but the phrase “settling down” is not comparable to “settling.” The former means to live a quieter, stable life usually after, yes, traveling the world for a time. It has few (if any) negative connotations. In fact, it’s quite positive. The implication is that you’ve been to many places, seen a great deal, experienced much of what life has to offer you, and now you’re choosing this place as your home. It’s also framed after a sought-after end goal. The weary hero longs to settle down but is unable to due to their quest. Settling down with friends and family is the prize given at the end of a story. It’s good. In contrast, “settling” for something does have a number of negative implications attached to it. It suggests that it’s not what you want, but you’re willing to put up with it at the end of the day given that you have no other choice. It’s second or third best, at most, but you’ll tolerate it. The concept of settling for something is insulting because it says that given different circumstances, you never would have chosen it.

Sun says he’s “settling down” in Vacuo; this is the home he’s choosing. Theodore and Rumpole both interpret this as “settling;” he’s choosing them only because he has to. But why? Where did this interpretation come from? Schools were a mix of people from different kingdoms long before Salem shook things up, so why is Sun getting heat for going to Mistral? Especially with the rather persuasive justification of, ‘I’d like to see more than just my backyard, thanks’? Are Vacuans so xenophobic that the mere act of one of their own leaving for a short time makes them an outsider? Why is this never explained then? Why doesn’t Sun, the Vacuan, understand this and seek to defend himself?

I’m still so confused, folks! 

Things just go downhill from there. Sun asks if he can call Theodore “Theo,” which doesn’t go over well.

“No!” barked Theodore and Rumpole at the same time.

“Right. Sorry. Professor—”

“Headmaster.”

This is unnecessarily strict. As someone who has known a number of “You must refer to me as ‘Doctor’” people, I have never heard a single one “bark” out a negative in response to asking about using a different address. They respectfully correct a student because instructors — and people in general — should strive to be respectful. Then Theodore nitpicks about “Professor” vs. “Headmaster.” A look back at what I read does show a consistency of students addressing him as “Headmaster,” but if that’s a preference why not just say that? As it is, the curt correction feels like he’s trying to limit Sun’s options, especially when we’ve heard others like Ozpin be referred to as “Professor.” It’s not exactly a weird mistake.

Then Theodore goes,

“And which of you is the leader again? I know it’s not Neptune, but you can tell that just by looking at him.” Neptune’s jaw dropped.

What is wrong? With this cast?? Theodore was a splendid Headmaster whom I loved a few chapters back, now suddenly — as soon as he’s talking to Team SSSN — he’s become downright mean. What the absolute hell was that comment? “You can tell that just by looking at him”? That’s so insulting! He’s another Velvet, turning basic compassion on and off depending on who he’s speaking to, yet I still remain in the dark as to why everyone in this novel hates Sun, to the point where even his teammates bear the brunt of that negativity. Because, you know, when Sun says he’s the leader,

Rumpole was momentarily speechless.

Hold on. Let’s take a hot second to summarize what Sun has done in this conversation thus far, AKA everything that exists to form such a horrible opinion of him that Rumpole would be “speechless” at the thought of him leading. Sun has:

Agreed with Headmaster Theodore regarding a life philosophy.

Says he grew up in Vacuo.

Admits that he wants to settle down here, making Shade his permanent home.

Asked to address the Headmaster as “Theo.”

Apologies for his presumptiveness.

Correctly changes his address to “Headmaster Theodore.”

Explains that he was on a “special assignment” last semester and that’s why he wasn’t at Haven. Scarlet mutters that the assignment was given “by himself.”

So Sun is a native who’s heart has “grown fonder” for his kingdom and who agrees with Theodore’s outlook. He is willing to apologize and change his behavior as instructed. The only marks against him so far are 1. Being overly friendly with an authority figure and 2. The implication that he simply ran off without justification, though thus far it’s Sun’s word against Scarlet’s. That should hardly count until the accusation is proven one way or the other. 

So Sun is implied to be an unfit leader because he was friendly? That outweighs positives like being from Vacuo and taking direction?

Everyone is really just out to paint Sun as The Worst Person Ever, huh? Here’s your trophy, bud. 

After this stunning display ranging from indifference to what appears to be outright disgust, Theodore says that they can stay on through what’s essentially a trial period. “Until you wash out, or he changes his mind,” Rumpole explained. “Frankly, that happens a lot.” Again, Team CFVY didn’t receive such a threat. Theodore concludes the meeting by requiring a written account of the White Fang attack, something Sun is nervous about. “You do know how to write?” Theodore asks, just casually tossing in a final insult. Scarlet reassures him that they’ll help Sun with the “big words.”

Wow. The farther I get into this story the less surprised I am that the fandom has been hissing at it like an angry pack of cats. Or at least, a solid chunk of the fandom here on tumblr. I can’t recall if I mentioned this in an earlier Chapter, but at the start of this project I popped onto Goodreads and was somewhat shocked at Before the Dawn’s 4.16 rating, accompanied by numerous glowing reviews. Were we given different copies of the book? Then again, I often feel as if I’m watching a different show than the fandom talks up. I too would love to be watching a gripping, emotionally compelling, complex RWBY story of the sort that I’ve heard about. Ah well.

Back to the text at hand.

It’s the next day and everyone is attending Professor Rowena Sunnybrook’s Weapons Training Class. I briefly grapple with the image of Rowena Ravenclaw at Sunnybrook Farm. Then I consider how close “Rowena” is to “Rebecca.” Then I remember that in the stories Rebecca’s middle name was Rowena. Then I move on with my life.

(How badly am I dating myself if I bring up Shirley Temple?) 

There’s a sandpit set up in the middle of that classroom which “had always seemed odd to Scarlet. If you wanted to fight in sand, why not just go outside? There was plenty of sand in this place.” Honest answer: ease of access and control over your environment. It’s the same reason why you’d take students to an indoor track rather than just telling them to run anywhere there’s space outside. There may be qualities to the sand that make it a better practice tool — less coarse, no rocks hidden underneath — and it’s presented in an accessible, otherwise safe classroom. No one is wasting time finding a spot outside. No sand storms will suddenly interrupt an exercise. Rowena and the students alike aren’t fighting against the wind, or the sun, the grimm, or anything else they might have to pay attention to. Given the tech of this world, there may even be cameras in the classroom that allows instructors to record and revisit their students’ practice. Unless you’re looking to prepare them for the unpredictability of the real world in a given lesson, this is just an all around easier choice. A pain to set up, perhaps, but easier once the pit is in place.

So Scarlet is, per the trend, in somewhat of a bad mood. He says he’s excited to see what class is like with his new teammates, but he doesn’t understand why you’d have a sand pit inside (in a world where competitions like the Vytal Festival exist…) and he likewise doesn’t get why anyone would fight on sand if they didn’t have to. But… you do have to? Scarlet just got done reminding everyone that they live in a desert now. He doesn’t get much of a say in whether he’s fighting on sand or not, so he’d better learn how to do it. I don’t think the grimm and occasional baddie is going to let Scarlet choose the setting before a fight begins.

Scarlet is also exhausted, which I can definitely understand. I’m tired just reading about the week they’ve been through. We get a tiny glimpse into the Chapter That Never Was where he thinks that “Spending hours in an underground Dust mine fighting a herd of Jackalopes wasn’t exactly a fun time.” Too bad we didn’t get to read about it. Though I do quite like the tiny insight into Scarlet we get here. He’s extra tired because he was “staying up so late to clean his clothes and shine his shoes.” Yeah, I could say something about implied-to-be gay guys and their obsession with clothes, though considering that Scarlet’s sexuality is nonexistent in this text or the main series, it feels disingenuous to make any claims about stereotyping. Besides, that may be a reach even if he was confirmed as queer. Rather, I like the line because it can be read in different ways, one of which is further confirmation that Scarlet seems to be a straight-laced, eager to please authority sort of guy. He doesn’t like having a spontaneous team leader. He hopes that Theodore will see his worth over Sun’s. Scarlet already comes across as the sort of student who would put additional time into shining his shoes while everyone else gets some much needed sleep. Appearances matter to him.

This entire time Sunnybrook has been lecturing, though seemingly not about anything important. Scarlet is surprised that they haven’t started an activity yet. The stalling is explained when Rumpole shows up, stomping into the classroom and grousing that Sunnybrook started without her. She rightfully points out, “You’re late, and this is my class.”

Ooh, Scarlet thought. Sunnybrook just went from chatty to catty.

…No? Beyond my ardent love of writers insisting that women are “catty” whenever they show an ounce of assertiveness or self-respect (/s), how is Sunnybrook being “catty” when she’s literally just stating two facts? Rumpole is late. This is her class. Both those things are true. There is an implied criticism there, but it’s hardly undeserved. If anyone is close to being “catty” right now it’s Rumpole, arriving late without an apology and criticizing Sunnybrook for doing her job in Rumpole’s absence.

Which begins the very strange read of watching Rumpole give an excellent lesson while the story characterizes her as the bad guy (we’ve been down this road before...). 

Outside of that rude entrance, I don’t think Rumpole does much wrong here, but it becomes clear by the end of the chapter that she’s someone we’re meant to dislike. 

She begins her lesson by pointing out that “Before you got here, some of you were trained to rely on your teams. But what do you do when your team is gone and you’re on your own?” Yes! Excellent point! Just like Scarlet needs to know how to fight on sand while living in a desert, every huntsmen needs to know how to defend themselves solo in case they’re separated from their team, their team is knocked out, or they’re killed. Wasn’t Sun alone at the start of this novel? Didn’t Ruby fall through the floor into a White Fang hideout by herself? Wasn’t Blake out in the woods alone when she encountered Adam? In each case they either sought out additional help or help thankfully arrived in time — you should strive to have backup — but in the case that there’s none to be found, how well can you defend yourself? It honestly shocks me that these talented, experienced fighters so often reject learning something that’s so obviously useful, whether we’re talking about Ruby telling Ozpin they already know how to fight, or Scarlet scoffing at fighting on sand in Vacuo.

Rumpole also says that they need to learn how to fight without their weapons.

“The room filled with whispers. Fight without weapons? In Weapons Training? Is she kidding?”

See, this is the kind of nonsense I’m talking about. Are you telling me that none of these fighters have ever lost their weapon in battle? It’s never broken (Blake)? That they can’t reach the basic conclusion of their fists being a weapon too? Too often RWBY introduces entirely unnecessary reactions that don’t fit with the characters’ intelligence, experience, and overall world view. They say and do ridiculous things in the context of their fictional lives. I could bring up a Volume 8 “Divide” example, but I’m trying to keep these recaps spoiler free. For those of you who have seen the premiere though, you likely know what Ruby moment I’m talking about. 

So the whole class is upset for an incredibly stupid reason. Scarlet has gone from his usual grumpy to downright pissed. Things only go from bad to worse when Rumpole chooses Velvet to fight Nebula.

“Oh, come on!” Coco said, intervening for her former teammate.

What exactly is the problem here? According to Scarlet it’s that they’re on the same team. “This is so not cool,” he whispers to Coco. He believes they “shouldn’t be forced to fight each other,” but why? He admits freely that they’ve all fought against peers before. What do they think this is? It’s just another sparing session. Apparently the distinction is “with the intent of beating them, especially in front of an audience.” So when sparing you normally don’t intend to win? Or if you spar no one can be there to see you do it? Both of those defeat the purpose of sparing in the first place: to improve, partly by receiving feedback. 

Arslan provides a bit of clarification with “They should not fight each other. We’re teammates, and we have to learn to work together. This just undermines that goal” but that is a staggeringly narrow view of what it means to “work together.” Frankly, a worrisome one too. Are team relationships truly so fragile that they can’t handle a little competition? You wouldn’t think so given the continuing message of teams as friends, family, and coworkers — those relationships are rock solid — yet Arslan seems to believe that a single exercise would undermine all that. There might have been some justification if she’d specifically brought up the problem of fighting new team members, prior to forming those bonds, with the added difficulty of working with people who might not think much of you yet… but she doesn’t. No one here seems to think that teammates should fight, period.

So then what do we make of Ruby vs. Oscar in Volume 5? That’s almost the exact same setup, with two teammates fighting one another, one of whom is new and hasn’t formed a solid bond, in front of an audience, with an instructor — Ozpin — evaluating their performance. Do we honestly believe that because Ruby got frustrated for a hot second that any care she had towards Oscar evaporated?

Is Team CRDL incapable of fighting beside Pyrrha in the Battle of Beacon because she absolutely kicked their ass in class? Does Weiss grow to hate Winter because she beat her during training? Of course not.  There is something to be said for an institution that constantly pits teammates against each other in a manner that interferes with the ability to form those bonds… but this isn’t it. This is a single exercise for students who are currently shocked that they’d ever need to fight solo/without a weapon, so they clearly need the lesson, yet their reactions are extreme. Coco yelling, Scarlet muttering about how bad this is, both of them praising Arslan like she stood up against an actual attack on Velvet — “Good for you, Arslan,” Coco whispered. Now there’s a leader for you, Scarlet thought. — and Yatsuhashi is going so far as to stand in front of Velvet to protect her. They’re all acting like Rumpole told them to engage in a death match, not do the exact thing they’ve come to this school for: learn how to fight.

So yeah, that all is exceptionally weird imo and feeds into the general sense that Rumpole is the supposed to be the bad guy here, but it’s not done persuasively. She’s oh so evilly making them fight one another, evilly smiling about it, evilly telling Coco that that’s enough… though none of this is actually, you know, evil. The closest we get is a moment when Rumpole “haughtily” says that “In the heat of battle, a weak teammate can be worse than the most powerful enemy,” which frankly comes out of nowhere given that she’s responding to Arslan’s criticism of the test as the whole. If you say, ‘We shouldn’t fight other because we need to learn to work together’ and your teacher responds with ‘Weak teammates are more dangerous than your enemy,’ that’s very nearly a non sequitur. Yeah, the general subjects of teammates and fighting are the same, but otherwise these points seem to belong to different conversations. What Rumpole says in the context she says it is nearly nonsensical and serves only to make her look cruel. She tosses out a startling truth unprompted, leaving the reader going, “Wow! Rumpole is awful!” unless they’re inclined to consider whether any of that makes sense.

That moment with Coco did catch my attention though, simply because we’re told that Rumpole’s eyes flashed and then Coco gasped, cluing Scarlet into the fact that she’s not as “unshakable as she usually let on.” That’s another extreme reaction to a tame event, as well as the second time this chapter that we’ve heard about Rumpole’s flashing eyes, the first occurring in the flashback when she was displeased with Sun. So perhaps it’s something involving her Semblance? I’d look it up, but I kind of what to be surprised in the next 173 pages. Got to find things to look forward to in all this lol. 

One the group realizes that they do actually have to fight one another (the horror) Velvet and Nebula give up their weapons. As expected, Nebula jokes about how she hasn’t lost anything, “What good’s a camera in a fight, anyway?” which produces applause from other Shade students. Right, because Velvet got into a top academy and survived the Fall of Beacon without a weapon. I’m not sure if this is just bullying for the sake of bullying, outside the bounds of logic, or if these students, living in their magic-infused, crazy tech world, legitimately can’t reach the conclusion that Velvet uses photos as a weapon, even if they can’t figure out how. Either way, it’s not endearing, but at least this time my reaction aligns with what the text is aiming for. Rumpole tells them to “Save it for the arena” with “a hard edge in her voice,” but of course no one comments on when she sticks up for Velvet. Asking her to complete a simple exercise results in fury, but telling her own students to leave the newcomer alone results in silence. Seems about right.

The fight finally begins and it’s a tad underwhelming. There’s nothing specifically wrong with it—nothing that stands out on first read through anyway—it just not a particularly compelling action sequence. Any interesting tidbits are seen in the dialogue instead. Nebula continually establishes herself as another Mean Girl character, taunting Velvet with how she’s “been wanting to do this for a while” and how “fun” it is to fight her. The spectators, specifically Scarlet and Coco, comment on how Velvet is able to use her semblance outside of the hard light weaponry. Here, she draws on moves from “Pyrrha Nikos, Yang Xiao Long, and even Sun.”

Pyrrha 😭😭😭😭

Why the “even” though? 😒

Coco summarizes her style by saying that “Velvet may fight like a lot of different people, but no one else fights like Velvet.” I quite like that. Velvet is a living embodiment of being more than just the sum of your parts.

As the fight continues Nebula’s taunts grow more vicious, saying that she is better than Velvet because “We left Beacon because we knew it was a lost cause.” Beyond that just being a horrific thing to say, I want to ward off any potential comparisons between our Volume 7 conflict and this statement. RWBY might be trying to draw a parallel between the mean student who would abandon her school and the villainous general who would abandon his city (depending on how my Myers knew about upcoming plotlines), but there’s a huge difference between fighting a grimm army and fighting Salem herself with a grimm army. Velvet and the others were absolutely correct to fight for Beacon because they had a shot at taking it back. A slim one, but a shot nonetheless. Volume 7 provided none of that in regards to Team RWBY’s stance.

This remark does its job though and soon after Velvet becomes stuck in the sand, distracted and upset. Rumpole goes full Mean Teacher then, telling them to keep going. In fact, she quickly becomes the only mean person in the room because the formerly feuding teams are all banding together in Velvet’s defense and even Nebula randomly demonstrates honor—

(sorry I had to)—in how she approaches Velvet now: “[she] reached a hand down to help Velvet up.” Rumpole is clearly meant to be the enemy here, uniting friends, bullies, and even Sunnybrook too. Thing is, it’s once again not that bad? I’m not going to pretend that she isn’t harsh. Too harsh for a normal school? Absolutely. Too harsh for a combat school where these students are learning how to defend themselves from monsters and murderers during a war? Ehhh. Rumpole says that Velvet “beat herself” because “You don’t stop fighting until you can’t fight anymore.” That’s true. Within the context of a school exercise where everyone knows they’re safe and can stop the battle at any moment, it feels finished when Velvet gets stuck, but an actual life or death fight? Do we really think Velvet would stop trying to defend herself, passively staring up at her attacker while they do whatever they please with her? Of course not. She’d either find a way out or she’d go down fighting. You’re telling me that students who frequently break apart stone or, in Ruby’s case, blast through steel doors specifically meant to keep people inside can’t punch downwards and free themselves from some sand? Are the pieces of either of their weapons anywhere within reach? Can Velvet trick her attacker, pretending to be down for the count and then lashing out when she gets close? At the very least, as we saw with Sun’s first encounter this novel, can she talk enough to buy herself time until others arrive to help. Obviously there’s no arriving in this structured exercise, but the point is to try. Rumpole is telling them not to stop trying — to treat this exercise seriously (which they haven’t done from the start) — and they’re throwing back that challenging Velvet to get creative is too mean? In the same way that the students shouldn’t be pit against each other 24/7, they shouldn’t be pushed to their limit 24/7 either… but for once class? One lesson? When they know an attack is on the way and have already watched people die?

See, this is why I can’t take this cast seriously as the leaders of this war. When we’ve got scenes like this the characterization — whether intentional or not — is that they’re not nearly as devoted to their and others’ safety as they should be. Such characterization is fine when one group isn’t conducting a secret investigation, the other hasn’t been given licenses early, and both haven’t been through a battle that cost them the lives of numerous friends. But when they have experienced all these things, you have to wonder what they’re doing complaining about a teacher who says, ‘Hey, don’t just roll over and accept defeat.’ 

Eventually Coco, Yatsuhashi, Fox, and Arslan step in front of Velvet to keep the fight from continuing. Yatsuhashi pulls her from the sand and when free “she pushed his hands away.” That’s the other thing: no one seems interested in what Velvet wants. They all speak for her in deciding that she can’t and shouldn’t fight anymore.

As a suggested change, I would have liked this so much more if we have the group uncomfortable with the fight continuing, Velvet insisting that she can keep going, and then she asks them for help. Rumpole never laid down a hard rule that this was a 1v1 fight. That’s the unspoken assumption, yeah, but she speaks far more about them not using their weapons. If Velvet had called for reinforcements, so to speak, and the group had dropped their weapons before entering the sandpit, it would have arguably just been an extension of what they learned in reinitiation: “The only rule is survival.” Allies are right here, why wouldn’t she use them? Friends of Nebula step forward to back her up, Rumpole puts a stop to things before it becomes an all out brawl, she compliments Velvet for bending the rules to her advantage, and reminds everyone that this is why it’s so important to learn to work with their new teams: they’re your lifeline so long as you have them. Honestly though, a RWBY story that doesn’t make everyone over 30 out to be a literal or personal villain? Unrealistic.

What Rumpole does instead is remind them that they have to be prepared for the worst and the unexpected to happen. They no longer have the excuse of “No one could have predicted that”: “We know a threat is out there. We know it’s coming to Vacuo. To not prepare for that eventuality would be irresponsible, dangerous, and naïve.” Exactly! Too bad no one else wants to think about that truth. Instead, Scarlet mentally criticizes her for the “cheap shot” and Coco waylays Sunnybrook to ask if she thinks Rumpole seems alright. Of course, Sunnybrook agrees that she’s being too hard on them. She’s “mean” now and “picking on” Velvet.

It astounds me that these characters are grieving over their murdered friends in one chapter and then going ‘You’re mean to challenge us in training :( ’ the next. Don’t any of them want to defend themselves the next time? Or avenge their lost peers? Whatever other faults RWBY has, I think they did right by Jaune and Ren by making the former (briefly) Cinder obsessed and the latter angry that they’re going to a party rather than training. Going too far in those directions obviously isn’t healthy, but neither is demonizing the instructor trying to keep everyone alive. It’s the same underlying problem as Ironwood’s antagonism in Volume 7: armies and threats of martial law are a problem when there isn’t a justified emergency for them. RWBY has, time and time again, given us that emergency in a variety of ways, so why do the characters act as if they’re living in our world where such measures are extreme? 

It’s a question I’ll never get an answer to, I’m sure. That’s where we leave the cast though, with Scarlet thinking about how “As long as they were here, every day was going to be a bad day in Vacuo.” Fantastically emo ending for this long and frustrating chapter. I am massively behind on my NaNoWriMo challenge thanks to normal RWBY Recaps, but this? This was a substantial boost. If you somehow made it to the end of all this please accept my virtual cookies. 

I’d share the actual gingersnaps I made if that were possible :(

Alright. I’ve kept you all here long enough. Until next time! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[smolbeandrabbles]

Illicit Affairs - Harold x Reader (Adore)

Cruel Summer / Magnets / The Next Best Australian Record

GIF CREDIT: X

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

 Author’s Note: I know I said I was kinda finished with these two as far as I thought safe to take them.  Oh, but this song I haaaaaaad to...

So here’s another one on the list of ‘how long does it take you to write a fic’. I decided I was writing this on 8th October (when I wrote my plot notes. at like 11pm) then I wrote and finished it on 10th/11th.  Whereas sooooome stuff gets stuck in my drafts for like 6 months. And honestly I really don’t know how I do it. There’s a fic on my side blog that I turned around in 24 hours, which is another thing entirely but I am the most inconsistent writer! 😅🙈😬 I don’t know how you all put up with it, to be honest, but I’m glad you’re all here!

Ah shit we being and ‘end’ with Taylor again?! Ah well, can’t be helped!

Disclaimer: Adore/Adoration not mine / gif not mine / lyrics not mine

Premise: With Harold now divorced things get a little easier for a while, but you shouldn’t expect things to remain so un-convoluted for long, especially when you receive an invite to Tom’s wedding...

Words: 6418

Warnings: Sexual connotations / Sexual Pre-Amble / Swearing

_______ Make sure nobody sees you leave Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times ---

Life all seemed a little easier after his divorce. You still had to be careful, that much was certain, but it didn’t feel like a full affair. The only attachment either of you had was each other. For you it felt like a weight was lifted - a worry. If you only had to worry about what your friends and the University would think if they found out, all that really mattered was being careful on campus. Surprisingly easy; longing glances in class could have meant anything (didn’t they all already know you had a massive crush?), but that ‘catch you later’ smile on his face was the best new thing. Not every night, but a few of them you would spend back at his place. It felt like a real relationship now, you’d found something meaningful. Now you could spend time with him off campus, you seemed to get even more careful on it. It wasn’t the only place you could touch him, hold him, kiss him anymore. You’d been concerned about him leaving you. The age gap in itself would give him more than enough reasons. But he didn’t; Harold stayed. And eventually it wasn’t just belief that he wouldn’t leave you, you knew he wouldn’t. So another year at university ended, and this summer was the first you’d spent between Sydney and home. Obviously, Harold wasn’t going to be coming back. And far be it from your parents to stop you from going back to see your friends. They were just glad to see you happy, and having your own adventures. And you did get to have adventures, even if you never left his house. Summer bled into another year of university, important as your final one, strange in every social context you could possibly think of. Unusually tough to balance – and it made you only too glad to immerse yourself in your class work rather than your relationship. One of the blessings of Harold being that much older than you and having been there before (and heck as if he didn’t know about stressed and struggling university students), was that he understood and let you get on with what you thought was important. You still saw him, just not as often, and it affected nothing between you. Tom wanted to see more of his father, again that was understandable to you, but it was weird to see him kicking around Sydney and occasionally in your classes. On the instances you did bump into each other – and none of them very compromising, that you made sure of – you were civil. But there was never anything more to it than that, until Mary. Your first thought should obviously have been ‘I guess his girl back home didn’t work out’. Instead it was more about things becoming even more convoluted. Harold had come to you with the great idea that, as a final year and preparing to take that leap into the world of acting, you could mentor the lower years on your experience. Your mentee met your ex-boyfriend, and the next thing you knew they were dating. Harold thought it was hilarious, you weren’t so sure – but were at least prepared to see the ironically funny side. You certainly neglected to mention it any time you talked with her though. You weren’t sure you could get through a conversation without ‘Oh yeah and by the way he’s a cheater…’ Highly inappropriate! As you did start to consider your future seriously, the path you found yourself on came from an unexpected place. A new friend – a guy in class who you knew of, but had never really worked with. Stuck together for one of your many final projects, this wasn’t just about developing a few scenes – but a whole two-person stage play. It was like a light bulb moment, how well your energy and creative process and thinking matched. On the same page from the first moment, you weren’t sure which one of you had suggested doing this past your final year, but it seemed like the most logical thing in the world. As expected, Harold was nothing but supportive. Even joking that you’d get your work finished and produced before any of his. Before you hushed him with kisses and let him know how much you believed in him. Adding to your mad year, Harold also moved house – still beach front, modern and pretty. But it maintained a nice rustic aesthetic. Polished wood and steel. He whisked you up to see it before he’d even bought it – because apparently you got a say in things like this now. ‘Why? You’re the one living here.’ ‘I want you to still want to visit me.’ ‘I’d visit you if you were in a 1 bedroom flat with peeling paint and a leaky kitchen sink, you know that.’ ‘Yeah but, maybe it won’t always just be my house.’ You hoped he didn’t expect to be met with anything but joyful screaming at that. The very last thing – as if everything else wasn’t enough - was the final year production. Gruelling auditions were worth it once you got the main part, opposite your future business partner. It was nice, it was going to give you a taste of the future, a trial run. Harold unfortunately was in charge of the second years instead, but he brought Tom over to help manage it – no prizes for how he met Mary. Still, you went along to watch and support. Wondering how exactly you could make him a piece of the puzzle… proud of him and his vision. It made you nothing but excited for that original work of his to be complete – it would be nothing but an honour for you to star in it. Yet it also meant that he didn’t get to see yours until it debuted, and somehow having him on the front row provided you with a confidence boost. And that little wink he gave you as you took your bows gave you all the hints you needed about where your night was going… You wouldn’t lie to yourself anymore, Harold was everything you had always wanted. *** You gave it almost exactly a year after you had finished studying before you ‘came clean’ to your friends. Oh, you were never going to tell them the full details, and you certainly weren’t about to tell your parents everything: just that you were with someone, and you were happy… really happy. In your opinion that was all that should have mattered to them. Your friends were all incredibly shocked at first, but then supportive, and they instantly brought back some of their old favourite jokes ‘Holy shit! Good marks eventually DID get you in his pants after all!’ The truth was not the official line: You had met in a café like total coincidence just to catch up, once… twice… turning into a fair few times… turning into chemistry. Still totally weird, still with that age gap that made everyone (and you meant everyone) caution you, still this ‘he was your teacher once-!?’ that hung around. But not the truth, not that this had been going on so much longer than that. A story that you were both happy with – because no one ever needed to know the full story. And Harold was right about his house; although you had a small apartment across town you hardly stayed there – you spent all your time with him at his. You didn’t want to call it yours, didn’t dare speak the word ours until he did it first. But it always hung there, unspoken… Soon enough your friends grew to love him. How different things were out of the classroom, the conversations and interactions between them. Them all telling you that they finally got it – and then understood why, upon you meeting up again, why you’d hooked up. Which only had you pitying them for not seeing how gorgeous and amazing he was in the first place. There were a lot of shared evenings that happened around his house, where he’d let you invite your friends over but stayed well out of the way. Harold also let you invite them to his birthday though, and after the initial celebrations he and his friends stayed inside, whilst your friends stayed out on the porch. There was a chill in the air, but the fire was still going and you were all huddled together under blankets. As one by one his friends left and you were still sitting out giggling and sipping wine and beer, Harold came out to check you were all okay. Because he cared about them as much as you did. It made you love him even more, if that was at all possible. They probably loved that they could wind you up over this more than anything else, but that was fine for you, you knew it would take time for them to get used to the idea, although the tide was already turning; it was weird but they were also loving it. No one had left, somehow in all this madness you’d kept everything. It all seemed a little too good to be true sometimes, so you made sure to count all your blessings.

 Harold’s play still wasn’t finished; he always said he was almost there, but seemed to be taking an age to edit it all – he’d let you read nearly everything but the conclusion. “Why? Won’t I like it?” “I just want it to be the final-final version before you read that. I guess it’s more… thought provoking than satisfying.” So he kept you guessing. You’d become more of a stage actor than you’d ever expected… perhaps eventually you’d commit yourself to film and TV too. You’d done a few here-and-there episodes but nothing concrete. But it was the dynamic between you and your writing partner – who, if you were honest, was quickly turning out to be your best friend – that kept you in stage work. You’d started a small production company to write and produce these plays and they were pretty successful. But you’d also been included in other, sometimes large scale, productions. And, yes, as ever, Harold was front row for as many of these as he could be. You spent your spare time as you had before, tangled up with him, reading or writing together. With always the promise of: ‘Once I finish I’m casting you in this!’ and any time the school did a production, well… it was your turn to be front row for him.

*** Your joint influence on the people in your lives became more apparent, and also came as a surprise. To you at least. And your question was tentative even if you knew the answer already. “Harry… did you… get an invite to Tom’s wedding?” He pointed up to the fridge upon which was stuck the invite; very pretty, clearly there had been a lot of thought put into this and you would think a lot of effort would be put into such a wedding. You crossed the kitchen to look at it: Plus One, interesting. “Does he know?” “He knows I have somebody but not who, why?” By now he’d caught the piece of card you were holding in your hands, and you held it up. “I didn’t expect to get one myself, but here we are. I mean if I was going to be included at all, maybe I’d be on my parents one, but-” “Oh! Mary’s influence?” “Perhaps. I haven’t told her anything either, but why me? I’m his ex and I’m friends with her… but not very good friends.” “Family friends, maybe that’s it.” “A courtesy invite? I suppose it could be. But it’s not like my parents knew you and Roz that long, I didn’t grow up there like Tom and Ian-” You thought better of it and held that thought. You scored the invite with your nails, “Do you… want me to go?” Harold tilted himself back slightly, folding his arms, “Why? Are you thinking of not going?” “It’s not that, it’s that my parents are going. They’ve already discussed it with me, I’m certainly not ready to out this. And I don’t want you to spend your son’s wedding worrying about that. It’s a big day for him and you!” “Would you go anyway?” “Harry-” “It shouldn’t be about me.” “No, it should only be about you! Yes, I would like to go, but not if it makes more sense for me to stay away.” “Then accept and come.” You blushed gently, “Is that what you want?” “Of course I do. We can play it safe, geez, the last time we were around your family was when this started and was at its most dangerous. It’s not an affair anymore, you’re not my student anymore. If something happens then it happens, but look at you. You’re a star in your own right now, you’re an adult and your life is your life!” “It’s the family friends thing, they will go crazy. Even with the story line we made up, I doubt they’ll speak to me ever again.” “Do they know you’re seeing anyone?” “They’re vaguely aware.” Vaguely was certainly the operative word – more because you certainly expected for talk to get back to them that you had a relationship. You’d never made it sound serious to them, but you told them a little to sate their curiosity. “Well then,” He walked forward, cupping your face, “we’re on the same page and we’ll be fine.” “If you say so.” “I do, don’t you trust me?” You giggled, before leaning forward and grazing your lips to his, “No offense, but that’s a stupid question!” *** You were right, there was a lot of effort put into the wedding. There were less guests for the ceremony, but from what you’d been hearing there’d be quite the after party. As you were on your own invite, you also got the perks of a separate room to your parents. You didn’t hang around the wedding party when you arrived – you weren’t about to turn up here and make yourself a nuance - and it gave you time to relax and prepare yourself for tomorrow. You’d have to try to be on your very best behaviour, no matter what Harold had said, you didn’t want there to be any incidents. Your dress was in a colour that flattered you, covered in little appliques of your favourite flowers, sensible heels in the same colour. The opportunity to do your own make-up and hair; though you kinda missed having backstage stylists… The idea was simply to follow Harold’s lead, considering this was Tom’s wedding. He greeted you with familiarity; his ex-student who he’d seen in many a production since you’d graduated. He even seemed to indicate that you had in fact met up a few times just for general interest catch ups. To which Harold also added ‘maybe I’ll get you in to talk to my students sometime.’ Your parents did ask how exactly it was that you’d leave this detail out. ‘It’s just day to day stuff! You don’t tell me every time you see your friends-!’ Now, ‘friends’ wasn’t a word they questioned. You knew you weren’t going to get to sit next to him, but your family was sitting behind him and that was adequate, he might have only glanced back a couple of times, but they were enough to have you beaming. The ceremony was sweet, smooth sailing; they really did look in love. It gave you pause for thought – was that how you looked at Harold? Still? You’d been together a while now, but then you supposed so had Tom and Mary. Maybe that was just a wedding effect – after all, was there a more romantic day for two people? You also smiled a lot, it was such a lovely occasion to behold, even the atmosphere – like everyone was finally in the place they were meant to be. Which, considering the convoluted way this had all started that fateful summer, was fairly incredible. Harold placed his hand delicately on the small of your back, as you both left the chapel. “Don’t want you to think I don’t think you look beautiful…” You nudged him gently, “If you’ll let me return the compliment.” He chuckled, “No.” “Yes! I mean that’s got to be one of the main reasons I’m here!” His cheeks turned pink and he looked a little bashful, removing his hand from you, far enough away from everyone else to sneakily lace your fingers behind your back instead, “But I mean it.” “Thank you, that’s very sweet… Yet I’m hardly the main spectacle. It’s all stunning and her dress is flawless.” “I don’t disagree, it’s very lovely. We have the rest of the day and the party yet.” “Well alright, I know you’re privy to everything.” You smiled, “I’m just happy you’re involved.” “Hmm. It’s humbling.” “You’re his father!” “He’s spent more time with Roz. Tom didn’t have to ask me.” “Well, I suppose you can’t change my opinion… As long as you know my opinions of you!” “Oh.” He let you go as you approached the drinks reception and winked, “Yes, I would think I did!” The drinks reception and dinner afterwards had exactly the same set of increasingly hilarious conversations. You weren’t always in ear shot of each other, or in the same social circles, but everyone wanted to know about the people you were respectively dating. You were a couple of drinks in, and became much more willing to open up – to the point where you were positively gushing about him. You gave your partner no name, age, or any of the questions they were asking that would be more revealing, but were more than willing to tell the rest of the story. And when you heard him being asked roughly the same questions - and sometimes you were standing together at these points - he was doing exactly the same thing. You were surprised one of you hadn’t broke out in a beaming smile or had glowed in sweet embarrassment yet. And yet it did make you feel so happy that Harold was happy to talk about you in the same way, and every so often you’d catch each other’s eyes and you would smile just like that. There was something about both being in on such a secret; you were happy you’d decided to come and be here – even if you weren’t with him, you were most definitely with him. You didn’t approach Tom and Mary until a little later but they were both so happy to see you. And you congratulated them with about as much enthusiasm. “First up you both look gorgeous! And this wedding is so beautiful… oh my gosh, you guys!” You hugged them both tight. “Congratulations, I’m so happy for you both!” “Hey,” Tom nudged you, “What’s this I’ve been hearing about you, though!? Get him married.” “AHaha-” You excused yourself from your laugh, “I mean I dunno I… maybe.” You quickly turned the conversation back on them, “You both look so joyful, and so great together. Enjoy it, alright.” You pointed to Tom, “Extra enjoy it for me, I’ll see where I go.” “Oh, I will!” He grinned, hugging you again. You wondered if he ever had told Mary that you’d dated. You supposed it wasn’t the relationship with him you needed to worry about so much. Mary pulled you back to her, “Thank you, so much!” “Oh, you were always star material…” you squeezed her tight, “But you’re welcome. Maybe we’ll get to be in a production together soon!” “I’ll hold you to that!” She giggled, wishing you well as you let her go. You breathed a sigh of relief as you made your way back to your parents, all’s well that ends well…

 ***

It was a little later, after the first dance, and when everyone was moving around the party freely: everything now in full swing and at least a few of them having already having had too much alcohol, that you realised your assumption was wrong. Some people here weren’t having a good time. You were alright to sit alone and observe for now. You’d known what you were getting into. Ian, best man and from what you’d been told by Harold the one to start this whole ball rolling, was sitting around rather dejectedly. You’d watched him intently for a little while, and he seemed to be getting confrontational with just about everyone – including your man. Now he just appeared to be sulking. So much for us all being more grown up now… Eventually you’d clearly stared at him long enough to have caught his eye, and you offered somewhere between a sympathetic and fed-up smile. Attempting to give an air of ‘yeah man, I know the feeling!’ considering you were also sitting here alone, but his face just scrunched into an even bigger frown as he huffed, crossing his arms before looking away. Okay then, sorry I tried! You weren’t left alone for much longer than that, as Harold wandered over. “Hey, you doing alright over here?” “Yeah, fine.” You waved off Ian, just in case he’d seen any of that brief exchange, “Just taking some quiet time.” “Well, that’s an awful lot of quiet time…” He held his hand out for yours, “Come on, come dance.” Your eyes immediately widened, and you looked from his hand to his face, “With you!?” “No, with someone else – yes, me!” “Harry, I don’t think that we should-” “I want you to enjoy yourself… c’mon.” You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and praying this wasn’t the worst idea you’d ever had, as you placed your hand in his and he pulled you up.  “Think of it as like… a father daughter dance.” “Oh no, you just made it worse.” His laugh was embarrassed, “Oh, yeah I guess I did, didn’t I – sorry!” Harold didn’t try to make it romantic, although clearly because it was between you it was, and you supposed it was something a little reminiscent of ‘father of the bride’. Well, no one else – not even your family – was dancing with you, so why the hell not? Still you voiced the question. “Should we be doing this?” To which you were only presented with your own question: “Shouldn’t we really be beyond caring?” You couldn’t help but laugh, “You been drinkin’?!” “Not that much, give me some credit!” Oh, the want to pull him closer, your wish to lay your head on his shoulder and close your eyes as he swayed you gently on this dancefloor. To look into his eyes like you really wanted to, and were using all your self-control to make sure you weren’t. For him to just wrap you in his embrace right now. It didn’t happen, and you didn’t expect it to, but it hurt a little. Still, here you were and he was ‘holding’ you – it was as close as you were going to get, and you savoured every single second of his skin on yours. Eventually you did actually get to dance with your father and then some younger ‘gentlemen’ (though, whether you’d call them that…) cut in and you let them dance with you the way you wished that Harold could. At least you were enjoying yourself, to you that was the most important thing. But, you ended up back over by the drinks table with your actual other half, observing the party once more, and you broached the subject of the catalyst. “What did Ian say to you?” “Huh?” He turned, bottle half way to his lips. “I mean it looked like he was getting a little irate.” Harold just looked confused, so you sighed with an eyeroll, “Earlier!” “Oh.” Then he laughed, “Well clearly he’s the least happy person at this entire wedding, and he ironically said this was all my fault.” Your eyebrows raised, “Sorry!?” “Well I did take Mary to Tom’s 21st. So, I guess… that’s where they became a little more serious.” You snorted, “Holy shit. The wedding is your fault!? But what’s wrong with the-” you looked back out to the guests and then it clicked, “Everyone was growing up… You think they ended all the affairs at home?” He gave you a face to say he agreed with your deduction, “I’m glad we didn’t get the memo.” You only laughed, “I don’t think I would have agreed to the memo!” “Now we’re on the same page-!” **

You were standing outside on the patio, admiring the stars and lit scenery, when Tom caught up with you again. “Can I ask you something?” “Yes. And you just did.” That had him laughing, and you only slipped into chuckles too, he still liked how fast you were at quipping. Suddenly you were transported back – what would this have been if it didn’t become such a mess. “Your boyfriend…” “Mhm.” You straightened to the edge in his voice, and although Tom was looking at you seriously there was a hint of playfulness to his voice. “How long have you been together?” You couldn’t tell if he’d figured you out yet. “What if I said, it’s the same guy that I first mentioned to you in that massive argument we had?” He leant back against the railing, breathing out heavily. “I feel like I should have… figured it out before now.” “Considering I don’t know what you’ve figured out – you want me to help?” “It’s my dad, isn’t it.” It wasn’t even a question. You were a little affronted by his tone: “You don’t have to make it sound so creepy. In fact, if you want me to bring up glass houses…” He was a little taken aback that you’d just admit it, “Shit, you knew about-!?” “I told you I did. Yeah, that’s how this all started, you and Ian and…” you waved your hand and then pointed at yourself, “Only I stayed with mine… Geez, I’m sorry.” “Sorry?” He laughed, “Why?” “He’s… your dad. That’s not why I dated you, it’s just how it happened.” “You don’t have to explain!” He waved his hands around, “He’s happy, you’re happy, you’ve spent a lot of time together today, I have observed, and it just… I dunno, I guess it clicked. Everything he’s said about – well you – but his other half, and everything you’ve said.” “Oh, damn, is it obvious?!” “No. I just have all the pieces, don’t I?” “You’re… a little too cool with this.” “I told you we were cool before.” Tom’s look was significant, “We’re still cool. And I’m not gonna go telling everyone, until you’re ready to go do that yourselves. Besides,” he nudged you with a smile, “you seem to have enough dirt on me!” “Uh, I would never. You go off and enjoy your married life to an amazing woman, you idiot!” “I’ll do my best – but I’m never gonna call you mom!” “I’m just glad I’m older than you!” You folded your arms with a grin as he left you, with a wave, before turning back, “Why’s that!?” “The likely inevitability of grandbabies. I’m just gonna have to be the cool aunt or something!” You didn’t think you’d heard anyone laugh so loud in a long time. ***

It continued to get later, although the party was still going on and you could hardly take it anymore. You’d watched him move around in it all day, and now all you wanted was that suit on your hotel room floor, or his. That single button he’d undone and the slacked nature of his tie was nowhere near enough for you. But it was hard to let him know that when you couldn’t just go over and grab his hand; you had to just rely on glances and hope that he got it. And clearly he did, as he crossed the room back to you. Although instead of telling you that he was ready to go, he came with a cautionary tale. “We need to be careful about this.” “And your suggestion is?” “Well, we have to stagger when we leave, but you might want to say goodbye to people. Because your parents will notice you’re gone.” “Oh, your son isn’t gonna notice you’re gone, huh?” It was then Harold decided to tell you he’d seen your conversation with Tom, “Well he knows, doesn’t he.” It wasn’t a question, and you were stuck on how to respond, “I didn’t hear, but I saw you two. Is there anything you want me to say to him?” “…Well, that’s between you…” You lowered your eyes, “I didn’t tell him, he guessed.” “Sweetheart, it’s okay.” Harold couldn’t touch you, so his nickname made you look up. “I’ll talk to him, maybe not tonight… You go, I’ll watch you, wait for me.” You nodded and he gave you a gentle wink before you both headed in different directions. You had one more drink before you started to play the tired card – although really you were far from it – and said goodbye to your parents, a few of the others you knew here, and finally bride and groom before you headed off. Outside of the reception room the hotel was cool and quiet (you supposed it was pretty late) and you could take a breather, sliding out of your heels on the steps it felt so good to be back on the floor. You wandered slowly up the corridor and across hotel reception, you weren’t exactly sure whose room you were heading to, but nearly everyone was on the same floor and you were all certainly on the same wing. You were just finding your way up the steps on the other side of reception when you heard the footfall of smart dress shoes behind you, and turned to Harold saying a goodnight to the receptionist who had pulled night shift. He continued his pace as he caught you, turning up the corridor but not before turning back and wishing you a goodnight. You couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow: who were you keeping up appearances for now? Hotel staff? You shook your head and turned, finding him back at his room, apparently having trouble with his key.

“Would you like some help?” You slipped yourself between him and his room door. “If you would be so kind.” “Not sure I was talking about your room key…” You smirked, prising it from his hand, waiting for the beep to pull him to your lips by his tie, you stumbled backwards into the room as he pushed the door. Harold waited until it had closed to pull you into him, hands into your hair. It felt so good to have him touch you again, and you realised how much you’d yearned for it all day, as his hands moved down your neck and shoulders to your back, he continued to pull you closer. “God, I love you.” You almost whimpered it – kisses leaving you breathless, and you weren’t sure if that was because of the whole wedding atmosphere, or that you hadn’t had even a single chance to tell him face to face in nearly two days. But he needed to know, urgently. He chuckled, nuzzling your face with his own, “I love you too.” Your breath still caught every time he said it, even now. After having to wait so long for his first, there wasn’t anything any less special about it a hundred, a thousand, a million times later. He was still nothing ever but delicate with you, guiding you across his room to the bed before his hands collected on your shoulders again. Harold took a step back, the low level lighting set the perfect mood, but he moved his body so the moonlight could shine on you through the still open curtains. “You are so beautiful.” His fingers gathered under your chin, to keep you from shying away from his eyes as your own hands collected on his chest, ready to push his jacket down his arms. “You truly are.” As if he didn’t already affirm this nearly every day of his life, and Harold kissed you again. “Me?” Your instinctive reaction to flirting was always to nervously joke, “You look in a mirror, lately?” Harold shook his head before his lips traced yours again and he let you relieve him of his jacket, you were quick to unfurl his tie too. You stilled at the buttons of his shirt because his hands were back on your shoulders again and you relaxed your stance, releasing his lips to watch him push the straps of your dress down, guiding his hands across to the slight zip, he ghosted you a kiss in thanks before he let your dress fall to the floor. This time as you caught his collar to run through the buttons you kissed him harder, pushing your body into his – encouraging him to touch you and moaning into his kiss as you did so. His shirt was off quick and joined your dress as he deepened the kiss and you wound yourself around him, enjoying the taste on his tongue. Your kiss continued to get hot and heavy as your hands shot to his belt; he was no longer of the persuasion to stop you on bedroom thresholds, opening his body up for you to relieve him of it and undo his suit pants. Relenting as his hands caressed your back, finding your bra clasp; you always felt so fragile under those large hands of his, but all Harold ever did was take care of you. He lifted you gently from the floor and laid you both back in the sheets, kicking off his pants as he did so. You remained locked in your kiss as he caught you in an embrace, pulling your panties slowly down your legs, your breathing was a little shallower, at the friction of his hips against yours. You could hardly wait for him now, eagerly reliving him of his own underwear. “Shh shhh…” Harold gathered your hands in his, breaking the kiss and you whined, making him chuckle, “Darling, we have all night…” “…Harry…” The way you whined his name was delightful and that flicker across his eyes that he couldn’t control had you craving more of him, “please.” And you knew he wouldn’t deny you if you asked politely. “All night.” He repeated, and all you hoped was you weren’t going to be too loud when the other guests retired to their rooms for the evening. Hooking your leg over his hips he made sure you were completely comfortable before he entered you. You held him tighter, trying to stifle your moans in his skin. But he groaned gently too, and it was an exquisite little sound. In the comfortable quiet before you moved together, you kissed him gently again, reaffirming what you’d said before, “I love you.” Free to tell him all night now, you weren’t about to waste any opportunity. He rubbed his hands over your skin, sweet and delicate, “Darling I know… I’ve known that for a very long time.” He caught your lips once more, “I only hope I remain deserving of such love.” You weren’t sure why he occasionally said things like that to you, maybe sometimes he felt guilty about the whole thing, but you would only ever reassure him. He was deserving, and you knew he would always remain that way.

*** It was very early morning when you awoke, too much excitement in the air – even in the aftermath of the wedding - for you to sleep. You stood out on the balcony, watching the watery sky as the sun began to break through.  Harold was content to watch you from the bed as you were draped in his shirt and the bed sheet, looking out towards the ocean. There was always something about all these ocean views… He stood and half-dressed himself before joining you, he almost didn’t want to break the silence and how serene everything was. Harold opted instead to simply stand with you, caressing your exposed skin, stroking the small of your back delicately. You wore a soft smile, and although you weren’t looking at him, he knew that he was where all your focus stayed. Eventually you tilted yourself, so your head rested against him – and the noise you made was of content. The silence remained for a long time, because there was nothing for either of you to say. Why say ‘I love you’ when you’d spent your night showing each other how in love you were, and how much you appreciated the opportunity to be with each other… There was something even more beautiful about you in the afterglow, but Harold wasn’t sure he could handle just telling you that yet. There was something about the time of day, about the time you’d just spent with him, all the joy that surrounded the wedding that made you speak honestly. Something had weighed on you for a long time; it wasn’t a bad weight, just a muse you were almost too scared to voice. But after everything, right now felt like the best and only time to say it. So you did. “Is it crazy to want this... for me to wish this could be us one day?” You couldn’t look at him for fear of becoming so embarrassed that you’d stammer ‘forget it’ and run from the room. That perhaps all you would see in Harold was hesitation, and it might break your heart in two right then and there. You assumed his answer; that he would chuckle at you, and be as lovely with you as ever but tell you not to be so stupid – this wasn’t to be your fate. That wasn’t what Harold said, and the silence didn’t hang because he didn’t know what to say, but because what you’d voice demanded the gravitas and respect of a real answer, a thought out answer. He took a breath, looking out to the sky as you were, before smiling and taking your hand, pulling your body into his embrace and kissing the crown of your head. He kept his voice low and gentle, as delicate with you as ever. Why had you expected anything less? “No. I don’t think it’s that crazy at all.”

---

Thanks so much for reading 😘🤗

[corpsentry]

behind the taylor swift gundam was in fact another, smaller gundam: a brief inquiry into the events of june 2020

so back in june this year june and i got together and we made this motherfucker of a story with this motherfucker of a thread to keep track of it all. but you already know that! and i’ve already got one foot and three elbows in my grave, so i’ll spare you the long-winded stuff. you wanna know how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks? i’ll tell you how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks-

-by linking you guys to copies of my planning documents because i feel like those words speak louder than any words i can offer in the present day. these are long documents. but they are also historical artifacts. very interesting. very weird. very, uh, full of cussing. so anyway, here’s

BIG DADDY: THE ORIGINAL PLANNING DOCUMENT

for those, like me, who have no motivation left in life to do anything and rely on summaries from others to acquire new knowledge, it all started with a single line.

prince of a fallen kingdom atsumu tries to kill hinata but falls in love with him instead

june, april something, 2020

with that in mind i tested the concept out with a few paragraphs of text, which you can find at the bottom of the Big Daddy document in the graveyard segment, accidentally sold my soul to the image of hinata with epaulettes, and then worked backwards, structuring an entire plot around two images:

a) hinata getting the shit beat out of him, with snark b) hinata and atsumu dancing in an empty ballroom under the stars

if you want a betrayal, you have to have something worth losing. if you want to fall in love with someone you don’t know, you have to meet them. if you have to meet them, there has to be a reason for that meeting, and so somewhere in between atsumu became a sword instructor and hinata the prince with daddy issues. june and i used this method of glancing anxiously over your shoulder to see what you’d missed to fill out the blanks in the story, after which i tacked up a bunch of post-its, typed out the plot, consulted june, typed out the plot again, and then broke the characters down into a bunch of questions, like ‘what do they want?’ and ‘what do they have?’ and ‘what are they afraid of?’

with the plot more or less ironed out, i decided it was time to start writing, and then i decided that i was actually too scared to start writing after all, so instead i set a couple of timers using classroomtimers.com (15-20 minutes long) and i sat down and i wrote about the world that hinata and atsumu inhabited.

each warm-up was 300-500 words long, and for the first few days, i’d write one before getting into writing the story proper. later these evolved into simply picking a scene from the story and launching straight into it, which became useful for opening those scenes later when i got to them organically.

then i got lazy! so i stopped. but these shitty little exercises were really useful for me because, unfettered by plot, convention, or any kind of tradition hovering over my shoulder, i was able to fuck around loosely enough to realize what i wanted this story to be. it was a very contrived kind of trial-and-error, an exploration of the characters, the story, but most importantly, the tone.

RESEARCH, PLANNING, AND VICTORIAN BOUGIE FASHION

this is a loose map of the castle and Important Locations within it, which i drew up at the start so i could keep track of where everything was and how i could get my characters from point A to point B. i wanted the story to have Some kind of internal logic, you know, even if that logic amounted to ‘a compass would function normally in this world whereas kageyama tobio would not’.

99% of my planning and organizing within those five weeks took place in this lovely dotted cat journal which my sister gave me for my birthday and i repurposed into a metaphorical Diary of Suffering while working on juno. i used it for everything from keeping track of narrative threads to clothing consistency checks, but the main purpose was this: each day at about 10 pm i’d crack open the cat book to a fresh page, stamp the date and the day of suffering at the top, and then write down a list of things i wanted to write, address, or fix today. then i’d sit at my laptop and write like a madman until about 7 in the morning. with breaks, of course, for sitting in the bathroom and staring at the wall and sitting in the kitchen and staring at the wall, but mostly i was writing. and complaining about writing. you were there, you probably remember that.

anyway, here are some pages from the cat book.

aside from the fact that my handwriting is complete shit, you can see that i made zero effort for any of this to be presentable. it was mainly a way for me to keep track of my thoughts because i have the attention span of an ikea wardrobe and tend to forget things as soon as i think of them. the lack of structure also mirrored the way that i went about writing juno. while i did proceed, for the most part, in chronological order, i had a lot of weird and useless revelations during lunch, which by this point was happening around 2 am, and in the 5 minutes before the exhaustion finally hit and carried me down to hell. i changed A Lot. again, to understand exactly how much the story evolved from day one onwards, please consult the big daddy document.

in the meantime, here’s something else.

once june sent over hinata and atsumu’s character designs i sat down like the fucking fool i am and spent 2 hours poring over a document about victorian and other fashion movements of the past so i could assign a noun, adjective, and verb to each element of their outfits. i don’t know why i did this. i certainly could have not, but i attempted to make sense of their ‘fits from a logistical perspective and that went into the cat book too. everything went into the cat book. the cat book is a relic of the past now, stuffed with artifacts such as the birth of oikawa tooru, and also his demise.

MEDIUM DADDY: EDITING, PROOFREADING, AND CREEPY MURDER CATS

i finished writing on june 26th, 2020, approximately a month after i’d first started planning, somewhere around may 27th or 28th. at that point i had about 90,000 words’ worth of story and no sanity left whatsoever, so i took a day-long break to stare at a wall and listen to taylor swift’s enchanted on loop.

and then i made a new document, which you can look at using the link above, and i laid out everything i had to do. i’d discovered a fuck ton of plot inconsistencies and general errors while writing and lying awake in bed at 9 a.m., sleepless in seattle, and now that i was free of the demon egging me towards the first finish line, it was time to Deal with them. i speed-scrolled through the draft, which was 200+ pages compressed into one google doc, because i like to tempt god’s wrath, and fixed up all the plot issues over the course of a few days. this was the fun part.

the actual, hard editing was the extremely un-fun part. i reread the entire thing, paragraph by paragraph, line by damn line, from start to finish, paying especially close attention to awkward phrasing, incomplete dialogue, and moments which had fallen flat in my haste to get on to the next one. this was really fucking terrible. i spent more time lying facedown on the floor than actually editing anything, but after a long time (about a week), that, too was done.

SMALL DADDY: TITLES, SUMMARIES, AND GOOD FUCKING BYES

i spent a good eighty days thinking about the title, though hilariously enough we ended up with something that was a blend of our names. june + elmo = juno, which is, all things considered, pretty perfect, but the process of picking the title was Hell, and i Did Not Come Up With The Title until about 2 hours before posting. you can take a look at the haphazard clusterfuck of my title-selecting process in small daddy, which is linked above.

so the title was a last-minute choice. so was the summary. and the chapter divisions. and actually all the songs in the playlist for juno. the day we dropped juno onto planet earth like a newborn baby pitched out of the sky, i spent an hour hunched over my laptop, cutting my 213 page google doc into chapters based on nothing more than a Vibe. two days before that, i also attempted to voice-act the entirety of juno, an affair which ended at the 20,000 word mark with a sore throat and the kind of exhaustion one typically wants to sleep in a coffin for 23 years to get rid of. so in all honesty, i did very little editing, which is why there are definitely minor typos and/or mistakes hanging out somewhere on that chunky ao3 webpage. but whatever.

my attitude by july 5th (was it july 5th? or 4th? somewhere around there) was basically whatever. anything so i could get finish this damn thing, chuck it out of the window, and never see another google doc until the next century. i’ve been asked a few times how exactly i wrote at a rate of roughly 2000-3000 words per day for four weeks straight, and my answer has always been this: i died. what died, you ask? my soul. my spirit. my Will To Live. i’m a creature of fixations, and juno was my fixation for june. will i ever be able to do this again? would i recommend this experience to anyone? is god real? the answer to all of the above is probably no. juno was a fever dream, and so is my cat book. and so are all the lattes i had. and so was my 9 am to 4 pm sleep schedule.

but what we made is real. the research, oikawa tooru, the 4 am conversations in which i was like ‘how the fuck do i end this’ and june was like ‘jade proposal’ (the proposal was her idea. all rise for twitter user atsuhinas. she is the mastermind behind all of the Inch Resting moments in this story; i just flapped a korok leaf in her direction and made sure the air circulation was working properly) are real as fuck, and looking back, there’s a lot i’d change, but i’m lazy. and college is starting. and anyway, i did write 93,035 words in just under five weeks, four if you don’t count the week of Editing Hell, so i think that’s pretty cool.

thank you for reading this to the end, and for following us on our journey through the enigmatic taylor swift gundam fic which quite literally consumed my entire twitter account for the five weeks i spent working on it. retrospectively speaking i really was butt-obsessed so i am frankly incredibly impressed with everyone around me for putting up with a Husk of a Man for a month. thank you for doing that. thank you for indulging my vague tweeting, and our butterfly dns, and for reading 93 thousand words of gay fanfiction set in a high fantasy world with epaulettes and galettes. on behalf of june, once again, we are incredibly grateful for all your support.

if you have any questions about specific aspects of the writing process, or anything you’d like to know in general with reference to JUNO, feel free to drop me an ask through my tumblr inbox, or through my curiouscat over here. i’m aware i didn’t cover everything, but there’s frankly too much to put in a tumblr post without passing away somewhere around the 56% mark, so let me know what’s on your mind, and i’ll try to answer that to the best of my abilities. but anyway, before i go, here are some

TAKEAWAYS

one: don’t try to write 93,000 words in five weeks. seriously don’t fucking do it you will end up jittery and sleep-deprived and you will leave all your friends on read for a month. pace yourself. set realistic goals. you wrote 2k this week? that’s fantastic. you wrote 4k in a day? you absolute motherfucker. i hope you’re taking a long fucking break tomorrow. your story will not run away from you, but if you run too fast, you will get tired, and then you will pass away.

two: you don’t have to know everything about your story before you start writing. in fact if you have a single camera shot of two characters holding hands under a rose garden awning, i think that’s fucking wonderful. if you look at big daddy, you’ll realize that my initial plot draft, and all the ones following that, are not perfectly aligned with the final version of juno. i improvised over half of the scenes in this motherfucker, and to be completely honest, some of the improvised scenes were the best. fucking oikawa tooru was improvised out of nowhere. he only got written in way later, around chapter 8 or something, because i realized i needed a plot device and a source of information to keep the playing table from toppling over. i Sat Down one day and was like ‘okay, it’s time to write oikawa into the introduction. because he matters now. he didn’t matter last week but now he does, and soon he’s going to be the fulcrum of the entire story, because it’s like that with oikawa tooru’. it’s okay to change your mind halfway. it’s okay to go back and rewrite entire scenes or segments. it’s okay to highlight 4 pages of fresh, sentimental writing, and hit delete. writing is a fluid process, and you Will make discoveries as you progress through your story alongside your characters. be understanding of that iterative process. be kind to yourself.

three: You Are That Motherfucker. you, me, your dog, your dog’s friend, your dog’s enemy, all of us are that motherfucker. i never thought i’d be able to write anything longer than the great big map, which was a much simpler, linear story in which the other main character did not appear in the current timeline until like the eighth chapter. juno was different. juno was the motherfucker, and i was scared shitless of it, and to cope with that fear joked constantly while writing that it’d never see the light of day.

but it did. it was a rocky process, and i was awake for 48 hours after posting it because of the sheer adrenalin stuck in my skull, but i got through it. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without june, who stepped in when i flopped over facedown on the floor and dragged me to my feet like the badass friend she is, and without everyone else in my life, who put up with me talking about The Thing that i couldn’t really talk about, but juno’s up there now. forever, or until the internet collapses and civilization goes extinct. and if the nineteen year old clown with the attention span of an ikea armchair and an a level certificate from hell wrote the 93,000 word long thing, so can you. i mean this completely unironically and with every ounce of genuine emotion i can summon from the cracked asshole of my heart.

writing is hard. writing is scary. writing is an investigation of the world around you and therefore, by extension, yourself, and that kind of honesty is freaky. it’s like going skinny-dipping next to the president’s mansion. who’s going to see you? what if they take a photo? what if you lose your spot at university?

but don’t think about that. our world is overrun with stories the way cereal bowls are full of cereal, but it’s those stories that keep us all sane in the disgusting day-to-day muck of reality, so think about your story. what’s haunting you today? what message do you want to leave printed in font size 666 comic sans across the southern hemisphere of the planet? what will you be tomorrow?

a writer. you’re going to be a motherfucking writer.

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 9

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit/18+ warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark 

Bucky was honestly impressed by Penny’s pain tolerance. Or maybe her stubbornness. He wasn’t sure which had seen her half way through a very thorough spanking with minimal noises, but it was only at swat 27 out of 50 that small sounds of pain started escaping her. Nothing loud or obvious, just short whines that could’ve been easily mistaken for exhales if he didn’t have enhanced hearing. Her hands, held carefully in his metal grasp behind the small of her back to prevent thrashing, were tightened into fists, skin going whiter with tension after every smack.

At 40 she was audibly whimpering and he could smell the salt of her tears. Her ass was dark red, hot to the touch, and would be sore for several long days. It was only fair, she’d broken Steve’s nose and stabbed him with a fucking fork— not being able to sit right for a week was almost not enough. But it was also her first punishment, it wouldn’t do to go too hard right off the bat.

At 44 the door to the apartment opened and Steve walked in with two black eyes, nose and thigh already beginning to heal. At 45, a loud cry escaped and Penny started openly sobbing. If it weren’t for his legs trapping hers, she would have started kicking out of desperation.

“Almost there baby,” he cooed, laying another hard swat down.

She wailed in response, going boneless over his lap. The high-pitched cry turned Steve’s stomach and he started forward. Bucky hurriedly gave her the last four before the blond could intervene, seeing the intention on the man’s face. Steve swept her up immediately when he got close enough, tucking her into his chest tightly.

“Shhhh, baby, you’re okay, you did so good,” he murmured, rubbing carefully up and down her back while she clung to his torso, legs hooked over his hips, “it’s all over baby, you’re done.”

Bucky came up behind her, running a hand through Steve’s hair and down his cheek, gently sweeping his thumb over the bruise under his left eye. There had been multiple times when he and Steve got into physical fights and wailed on each other. He’d certainly given his boyfriend much worse injuries than what Penny had done.

“I’m gonna go grab some arnica cream and her shorts,” he told the blond quietly, motioning towards the couch.

Steve nodded, maneuvering to lounge on the couch with Penny lying on her front against his chest. She was still sobbing and he couldn’t blame her; Bucky had made sure the spanking would leave a remind of her behavior for days. He gently moved her to lay on his thighs, turned more on her side than flat on her front and pressed her cheek into his chest.

“I know baby, cry it out,” he kept his tone soft and gentle, pleased by how she clutched his tank top in her fists, pressing as close to his torso as she could.

He shifted her again when Bucky came back, rotating her enough that her reddened behind was easily accessible. The brunet was almost treated to a foot to the face as Penny tried to scramble away at the first brush of his fingers against her burning skin. Steve tightened his grip, hushing her quickly when she cried out.

“Bucky’s gonna make it feel better baby, hold still.”

“No please!” Penny was wailing, desperately trying to thrash away, “please, please, please—”

“Penny, baby, breathe,” Steve hefted her slightly higher against his chest, adjusting his grip and pressing his cheek against the top of her head, “he’s gonna put lotion on that’ll make it feel better.”

“Please don’t, it hurts please, please don’t!”

Bucky sighed quietly and got off his knees to sit on the edge of the couch by Steve’s hip, laying his hand on her back, “I’m gonna be as gentle as I can sweetheart.”

She cried through the whole process as he carefully applied the arnica cream to her bruising skin, begging him to stop whenever he hit a particularly sensitive spot. Both Steve and Bucky winced the whole time, her pain giving them almost physical aches.

“Shhhh, it’s done baby, I’m done,” Bucky cooed softly, “we’re gonna skip your panties, I brought some really soft shorts.”

“No, no, no, no, no…” it was sobbed and Steve had to hold her arms tighter as Bucky slipped her feet into the silk shorts, carefully pulling them up her legs.

She screeched, more in fear they assumed than pain as Bucky pulled them over the curve of her ass and adjusted the band around her waist. They were the softest pair of shorts they’d bought her, pale pink and purchased specifically with punishment aftercare in mind. Both were hoping spankings would be enough, they didn’t want to have to graduate to more painful punishments.

“See baby, they’re soft,” Bucky rubbed his hand over her exposed thigh gently, “and the fabric’s nice and cold.”

“Let’s move to the bed,” Steve nodded towards the door to the bedroom, shifting carefully on the couch before swinging his legs over the edge and standing with Penny clutched to his chest.

Bucky manipulated her legs to tuck around the blond’s hips, making sure there wasn’t unnecessary pressure on her ass before moving ahead to open the door. He watched his boyfriend carry her through and lay down on the bed with her still on his chest, never shifting her more than a few inches. He felt a slow smile crawl across his face as she clenched the fabric of his tank top in her hands, pressing her forehead to the bare skin above the neckline. Penny would inevitably pull away from him as the one who delivered the punishment, but Bucky didn’t mind too much if it meant he was privy to sights like the one in front of him.

Steve was taller than him by a few inches, but much slimmer. His shoulders were wide, his torso tapered sharply into his hips and his ass was to die for followed by tree trunk thighs. Penny’s shape and size allowed her to slot perfectly against the front of his body, head rested to the side between his pecs, her soft chest and stomach cushioned along the dip of his abs. Her hips were wide enough that her legs splayed comfortably over his thin waist, resting on the bed on either side of him and her feet tucked back over his knees. She’d tucked one arm up along her body, fist still wrapped around his shirt and rested under her chin with the other hidden under her hair on the other side of her head.

“Incoming,” Bucky directed the quiet statement at the blond, jerking his head back slightly towards the front door, “you good?”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed softly, his eyes fluttering shut as he wrapped his arms around Penny’s back, hands tangling carefully in her hair, “keep me updated.”

“Shouldn’t be much,” he crossed the room and kissed Steve’s lips gently before kissing the back of Penny’s head.

Penny was half asleep, exhausted from the stress and crying. She could hear them talking but couldn’t really understand what they were saying. It didn’t really matter anyway, nothing they said meant anything.

Her head hurt and her throat hurt and her ass hurt and her stomach hurt too. Everything hurt in special and inconsistent ways; throbbing, aching, stabbing, shooting pains. Her arm hurt especially, where she’d fallen on it in the kitchen. She couldn’t believe she let herself get so worked up over a spanking. Had it hurt as much as she thought or had she just freaked out? Her ass was on fire, a deep throbbing that kept time with her heartbeat. It had just been such a repetitive pain, the same spots, the same tender skin, the same pressure with each hit. It had built to an overwhelming agony at the end.

She swallowed a sob, feeling her body shake with force of it. Steve was quick to start hushing her, making quiet noises and rubbing her back soothingly. His legs twitched and the next thing she knew he was pulling a heavy comforter up over them, tucking it carefully along her shoulders.

“Let’s take a nap baby, you’re so tired,” he cooed, nose brushing against the top of her head.

“Perhaps a movie will help, Captain? My records show that Ms. Parker regularly falls asleep while watching DVDs on her laptop.”

It really emphasized how tired she was, that Penny didn’t jump at the sudden sound of the AI’s voice. Honestly, she kind of appreciated the technology butting in; it was hard for her to fall asleep in a quiet room. Steve was quick to agree, asking the AI to project a movie onto the far wall. JARVIS must’ve been watching her closely for some time, to know that her favourite movie to sleep to was Toy Story.

Only a few minutes of the movie went on before Penny went slack in Steve’s arms and he felt himself start to finally relax. He’d been tense the entire time, just knowing she was in pain and so distraught had him tied up in knots. The punishment had been necessary, she’d acted in an unacceptable manner, but it had hurt his heart to listen to her cry while enduring the spanking.

If everything went according to plan, she would adapt before long. She’d acclimate to her situation, settle into her new life, and the fighting would stop. Penny would calm, accept them.

“We’ll make you happy,” he whispered to the sleeping woman, stroking his hands up and down her back under the blanket, “you just have to let us, babydoll.”

It took two hours for Bucky to come back, Penny was still sound asleep when the door opened and he walked in. Thankfully. His entire front was saturated with blood, it was literally dripping from his hair. Steve’s eyes passed over him carefully, looking for any injuries but saw none.

“You couldn’t have cleaned up before you came home?” He raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend, “what if Penny had been awake?”

“I checked with JARVIS,” Bucky rolled his eyes, stripping his shirt off as he crossed the room, “said she was sound asleep. From his tone, I’m assuming he’s mad at me.”

“JARVIS is mad at you? The computer that lives in the walls?”

Bucky shot the blond a scowl, “he has emotions, okay? Stark programmed him too well and he could take over the fuckin’ planet if he wanted to.”

“Drop your pants and shirt down the incinerator,” Steve ordered when his boyfriend started to drop his soiled shirt into the laundry basket, “I don’t want those where Penny could see them.”

“I like this shirt!”

“Then you shouldn’t have worn it for an interrogation, Buck!”

“Interrwhaht?”

They both froze at the sound of Penny’s voice, Bucky swiftly divulging himself of his bloody jeans and wrapping them and his shirt into a wad. Steve had one hand pressed gently to the top of her head, a small attempt at preventing her from trying to look around, and frantically gestured to Bucky’s hair with the other hand. The brunet practically dived for the bathroom when she batted his hand away and pressed herself up with one arm, looking around blearily.

“S’it Bucky?” She frowned, squinting around only for Steve to shush her and scoop her back into his chest.

“Buck’s in the shower baby, he went for a workout,” he lied easily, tilting her chin up to nuzzle her face, lips ghosting over her cheeks, “are you hungry? You’ve been asleep for a couple of hours.”

Penny hummed, turning her head this way and that to avoid him, “not hungry.”

“You sure doll? You don’t have to sit at the table, we can eat on the couch,” he implored, running a gentle hand over her backside under the comforter.

The reminder had Penny going stiff in his arms, having nearly forgotten about the pain. Coming out of sleep, she’d forgotten about everything almost. But only for a moment. Pain and anger and fear hit her with force and she wasn’t sure which feeling deserved the most attention.

“Don’t tense up on me, sweetheart,” Steve didn’t want to lose the little bit of sleepy intimacy she’d allowed for just a few moments after waking, clutching her against his chest, his hands running up and down her back, “shhh, come back to me, baby. You’re safe, right here, you’re warm and comfortable.”

“Let me go,” she grit her teeth and began to squirm, raising the arm that didn’t hurt to press against his shoulder, “let go!”

A firm pat against her ass made her yelp, tears welling in her eyes at the pain. Steve had barely used any pressure but it was enough to ignite the skin back to a stinging burn, his hand running over the spot softly moments later not going anything to ease the pain.

“You need to calm down, Penny,” his voice was stern and he used one hand to direct her face, forcing her to look him in the eye even as a few renegade tears dripped down her cheeks, “I know that you don’t like it when we tell you to calm down, but you’re working yourself up. You’re okay, you’re safe; there’s no reason to panic or get angry. Now take a deep breath and decide how you want this to play out.”

“Be sweet, babydoll,” Bucky’s voice came from the bathroom and she turned to see him leaning against the doorjamb, towel wrapped around his waist, “maybe that’ll be what we call rule number two: Be Sweet.”

Steve’s arms wrapped around her, a deliberate squeeze giving her the option of either pulling away or leaning against him. A tremble ran through her, bone deep as she considered her options. The first was, obviously, to follow the lead and let herself be tucked into his chest. The second was to continue to fight, but the shocking pain still burning through her ass gave her pause. It would hurt, so much, if she kept fighting. And it already hurt so much. Her bruises were bruised.

But giving in was hard. Where her body hurt in the literal sense, the idea of letting herself be cuddled and coddled hurt her soul. A searing sensation ran through her chest, a physical manifestation, and more tears began falling down her cheeks. There were just a few more seconds of hesitation before she leaned forward, letting her forehead press into his shoulder.

“Precious,” Steve’s voice was breathy and relieved and he leant back into the pillows against the headboard, bringing Penny with him, and relaxed with her reclined on his chest, “that’s such a good girl, Penny, thank you babydoll.”

A hand slid into the hair at the nape of her neck, fingers carefully massaging the tension. Bucky joined them on the open side of the bed, resting on his side, pressed up against Steve with his head also on the blond’s chest. A heavy, content sigh escaped the man, his unused arm wrapping around his lounging boyfriend.

“This is perfect,” he murmured, feeling his eyes growing heavy at the sheer level of contented bliss running through his veins, “JARVIS, will you project another movie onto the wall please?”

“Of course, Captain.”

Steve was quick to realize that the AI must’ve actually been mad at his boyfriend, because the movie that started was Coraline; a movie that Bucky found deeply disturbing, especially for a kid’s movie. His mouth opened to say something, but Penny let out a small noise before he could.

“I love this movie, thank you JARVIS,” she looked towards the ceiling endearingly and Bucky shut his mouth, teeth clicking audibly.

The AI sounded positively smug as he responded, “my pleasure, Ms. Parker. Enjoy your day in bed and please alert me if there is anything I may do to make you more comfortable.”

JARVIS was mad at Bucky but apparently adored Penny already. The two men exchanged glances at the realization; JARVIS was irritated because Bucky had punished Penny, she’d cried and was in pain and it was Bucky’s fault as far as the AI was concerned.

“This could be a problem,” Steve murmured quietly towards Bucky, ignoring Penny’s questioning glance.

“Oh, I’m sure it is a problem.”

[woodrokiro]

Hollowed (fic) Part Seven

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing: IchiRuki

Summary: They call her a miracle, but he looks at her as if she’s normal. It scares her. Fantasy/Futuristic/Zombie kinda?AU. Read Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five, and Six.

He’s quiet on her walk. 

Although the squad of guardsmen flank a radius of ten feet around her (whether that’s by order or fear, she’s never been sure), he tags closely at her side. It’s odd: Renji always stuck with precautionary distance, but it’s not like this boy isn’t aware something’s going on. The way he confronted her about Kiyone, and whether he was safe with her…

She doesn’t know she’s staring at him until he suddenly huffs. “Can you not?”

She raises an eyebrow. “You don’t seem as worried as you were when we were back in the chambers… Being this close to me--”

“For the love of God do not say it like that.” His face becomes red, and he shifts his eyes toward the guards surrounding them, who if they’re listening certainly don’t show it. He becomes red quite often, she’s noticed. 

She wonders if he has rosacea. 

“What other way is there to say it?”

“Just… Nevermind.” He starts to walk ahead of her, and--annoyed--she jogs a little to catch up to him. 

“Need I remind you that you guard me? And anyway, you never answered my question.”

A tick works through his jaw, but he doesn’t say anything. She waits, but eventually takes it as a sign that he won’t answer. She’s used to that: people not answering her questions. Not fully, anyway.

He startles her by suddenly speaking up.

“You’re right. I was assigned as your guard. I don’t really have a choice, being this close to you… You know?” He shrugs, and Rukia’s suddenly awashed with guilt. She is about to answer that she knows, she knows it’s a burden, she knows it’s not his choice but Lord Yamamoto’s, and even though she won’t question her lord’s decisions that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s fair that he’s stuck with her and--

“But… I’m gonna trust you. If you say this is fine, that there’s nothing for me to worry about, then I’ll think so too.” He looks over the garden, hard at the walls far beyond it. “And… It’s my job to protect you from… Whatever they’re all worried about, but I’m gonna trust you tell me the basics. It’s okay if you’re not allowed to tell me everything. It’s okay if you don’t want me in your rooms. I’m never gonna force my way into your space, especially since you seem to have so little privacy as it is-- but this is a two-way relationship. I want to know that you’ve got my back, since I’ve got yours. Okay?” 

“...Okay.” 

And it is. She just wishes she could say more, at least something more intelligent. 

She’s finding she’s running out of intelligent things to say to this boy, more often than not.

But before she can say anything more to save face, a familiar form materializes behind a tall rosebush toward them.

---

“Ah! Well, if it isn’t her ladyship.”

A tall man in glasses cuts in front of them, and it’s so sudden that Ichigo reflexively clutches the sheath of his sword. He looks over at Rukia, who seems unfazed and even smiles pleasantly.

“Sir Aizen! What brings you in my path?”

The man tussles his hand through his brown hair and laughs, but for Ichigo it feels as if he’s going through a motion rather than genuine embarrassment. “Oh, you know--just had a bit of time to take a little walk myself before meeting up with Yamamato. Saw you from a distance and thought I’d say a quick hello. I see you have new company?”

“Oh! Yes.” Rukia inclines her head and even bows a little bit toward Ichigo. “Sir Aizen, this is Ichigo Kurosaki, a new member of my Personal Guard. Sir Kurosaki… This is Sousuke Aizen. He acts a special captain envoy for Lord Yamamoto to the Valley. He’s very important to the institution--as important as the military and medical fields, from my humble opinion.”

“You’re too kind, Rukia. I wouldn’t say that my team is up to that par,” he waves his hand dismissively. “We only do what we can: delivering any goods and foods we can to the needier villages, picking out any capable staff when the time comes--although that hasn’t been in awhile, I’m afraid to say. Lord Yamamoto has been quite stingy, and for good reason: we are filled to the brim here as it is. Still, I wish we could do more.” He turns a little more to Ichigo and bows. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I hear your group made quite a stir when you came through. I regret I wasn’t here to see my lord’s face, or that of this one’s older brother for that matter. What village are you from, again?”

“Karakura.” Ichigo eyes the man’s surprised expression. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but there’s… Something not right with this guy. 

“Oh! Well, that does sound familiar, but I can’t put a picture to the place--”

“It’s the one that was just decimated.” Ichigo can feel Rukia staring, and he almost feels bad about the way Aizen looks taken aback, but he can’t stop himself. “It’s been awhile since your guys came down the mountain to deliver those ‘goods.’ We could’ve used your help.”

“... Of course.” The older man bows his head sheepishly. “I completely understand, and I’m so sorry for your loss. We try our best to help but… We can’t save everyone. Sacrifices need to be made, every day.” He turns to Rukia and inclines his head, a sad smile on his face. “Rukia, I’m sure I will see you again soon. Our squad always values your input. And Ichigo Kurosaki,” He reaches out his hand. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

Ichigo shakes his hand, despite his own rage and the fact that this man’s grip seems oddly tight. 

He continues alongside Rukia on their walk, and--thankfully--she says nothing.

---

“What’s up with that Aizen guy?” He nearly can’t contain himself from asking once they’re back in her quarters, alone the minute assisting guards leave. He watches her as she delicately lifts a shawl from a nearby chair, but her face is a blank slate. “Something’s… I don’t know. He was nice, I guess, but something feels… Look, can I at least ask for an answer on this, however watered-down?”

She unfolds the shawl, turns her back to him and lifts it to the light of her window--silk, sheer, with a masterfully rich violet pattern--and he’s just about to call her out for ignoring him again when she clears her throat.

“He’s kind enough. He does more for the outside communities than anyone else on the grounds,” she replies softly. “I’m sure many villages have been grateful for his aid… But. If you hold many people to the light here, you’ll find inconsistencies.” She turns to him, her skin near glowing from the afternoon sun behind her. “My advice is… Leave those here to the tasks they’re given. Trust no one with favors or secrets.” Suddenly, she throws on the shawl, sits by the window and curls up as if to take a nap. 

For the rest of his shift, she doesn’t say a word to him until just before it ends.

“Ichigo…” He can hear the next guard’s steps coming quickly from the annexed hallway, but he focuses his attention on her bowed form. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Of your village.”

He doesn’t have time to thank her before the door opens behind him, but he hopes she knows he did, all the same. 

---

When he goes to his quarters, the only one awake of their group is Yuzu. 

“Yuzu, go to sleep. You get up too early in the kitchens as it is.” He chucks off his shirt, fumbles through his bag for a clean one to sleep in. 

“I wanted to stay up for you. I feel bad, sleeping so early when you get back so late.” Ichigo smiles despite himself at his sister’s kindness, however illogical it may be. He may get home late, but at least he gets to sleep in…

But he misses his sister.

 Ichigo goes through the motions of washing his hair and teeth in the room’s basin. He thinks she may have fallen asleep, when he turns around and finds her propped up on her elbows, looking at him. “What’s she like?”

“Who?”

“You know. The Lady Rukia. She’s a mystery to the kitchens. There’s either whispers that she’s a real life angel come down to Earth”--here, Ichigo resists a heavy scoff--”or a witch. Maybe even a Hollowed in disguise.” 

Ichigo starts to untuck the sheets of his cot. “Yuzu, there’s no such thing as angels or witches.” 

“Forty years ago, they said there were no such things as Hollowed. Anyway, it’s not just kitchen gossip. Chad and Ishida were were saying that their sections don’t know what to make of her, either.”

“Look, she’s not some transcendent being, she’s a girl.” Ichigo tries really, really hard to shut down the image of naked Rukia from just this morning. “I don’t know why they treat her so special. She’s…”

Ichigo shrugs and tells Yuzu to go to sleep already before rolling over in his cot.

He can’t tell his sister what Rukia is, yet. 

--

Maybe it’s the mystery shrouding these walls.

Maybe it’s the shady circumstances of the place. 

Maybe it’s the fact that the girl he protects seems so strong and yet is so damn helpless--

But he dreams of his mother that night, all the same.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Roguish Women Part 16

Summary: Kate Rosseau is an American who fled to Paris to escape her past life. Now she's dancing and playing the part of a courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. There she meets Tommy Shelby who thinks she can be useful in expanding his empire. But has he been blinded?

Part 15: Tommy doesn’t tell Kate, Kate dreams of being on stage again. 

           Kate didn’t remember what she said to Tommy. In fact, she didn’t remember leaving the Garrison. Perhaps it was a good thing to know that she didn’t have many reservations about getting blackout drunk with the Shelbys at their establishment. It just reinforced the idea that she trusted them. And trust was not easy to come by.

Still, she didn’t remember what she’d said. And Tommy didn’t tell her.

He was sitting downstairs in the kitchen when Kate came downstairs wearing the same dress she had on the night before. She didn’t look pleased with the hangover she was sporting.

“Tea?” Tommy offered.

“No, thanks.” She sat down at the table and took out a cigarette instead.

He simply turned the page of his newspaper, partially hiding his face behind it. He couldn’t be certain how much she remembered. Although she was certainly out of it, at the time that didn’t mean she forgot. Besides, Tommy didn’t want to mention it if she had forgotten and it was simply a mistake. Maybe he’d misheard her or she was just spouting nonsense. That was a convenient answer, one he held onto because he wasn’t willing to explore what he felt deeper. If he did, he was afraid of what he might find. Nevertheless, it would complicate things. So he chose not to bring it up.

“Did you come to the Garrison last night?” Kate asked.

“No, John brought you here. You weren’t making much sense.” He replied trying to sound nonchalant as if to portray the idea that she hadn’t said anything that bothered him or meant anything, to begin with.

It reassured Kate and she didn’t suspect he was hiding anything from her based on his demeanor. Of course, when she woke up at Six Watery Lane, she was horrified that she’d done something foolish. Perhaps she showed up at Tommy’s doorstep declaring her true feelings for him. How embarrassing that would be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been quite some time since Kate had been in a legitimate ballet company. Not since she’d been in the States. And it had been a while since she’d been in a studio or any sort of suitable practice space. The thing about Birmingham and London was it all felt so cramped. There wasn’t enough room to do much of anything. Still, Kate did her best to stretch and keep herself somewhat in a condition to dance again. Maybe it was blind hope that she would one day find herself back on stage.

Back to that feeling that had escaped her for so long. Something that couldn’t be replicated. It was the closest thing she’d known to flying. She felt weightless on her feet. Able to leap like a gazelle, making it look effortless, and as if she could walk on air. Of course, they were fleeting moments. If she were to be lifted by someone, the feeling lasted much longer. But it came with a price. The price of trust and having to rely on someone to keep her aloft. There was still a man there, holding her up. Kate always wanted the man to disappear. That way it would be her alone. That’s all she needed. She didn’t need someone else’s support.

When Ada arrived, Kate was stretching in the hallway, using the staircase railing as a makeshift barre.

“Come in!” Kate welcomed her in.

Ada startled a bit, unsure at what the woman was doing with her leg so high in the air. “Is this a bad time?”

“No, no, just stretching.” Kate folded over her lifted leg, reaching for her toes. “Make yourself at home.”

“Alright then.” Ada did so by hanging her coat up along with her purse and hat.

Kate could still hear her old instructor counting as she stretched.

Five, six, seven, eight.

She lifted her heel to remove it from the banister and returned to a normal standing position. “I’m guessing Tommy sent you with something.”

“Well, yes, and a question.” Ada removed a few things from her purse.

“Okay, good.” Kate went into the kitchen to get some water. Ada followed her in, spreading out the papers on the table. “If I had a penny for every contract I signed.” She sighed and turned to address the paperwork. “What about the question?”

“He said you didn’t RSVP to the wedding, I guess he just wanted to know why.”

Kate frowned. “Oh, I was certain I did.” Certain was a loose term. She recalled getting the invitation a few weeks ago. “Well, I think he knows I’m coming.”

“He didn’t sound so sure,” Ada told her.

The last thing she wanted to do was talk about the man she loved to his sister. Especially when that man didn’t love her back and intended on marrying someone else. “Tea? Or something to eat?” She offered to avoid the comment.

Ada sat down. “Tea is fine.” She figured she would be staying for a bit. Tommy had briefed her on the situation. He said Kate was acting strangely and he wanted Ada to gather more information. But of course, he left out the part about the drunken admission of love a few weeks earlier. Around the time the invitation had been received. Had Ada known, then the conversation would’ve gone differently.

“I was in a ballet company in America,” Kate said out of the blue as she filled the kettle. A distraction, to keep Ada off the topic of Tommy’s wedding. “Not for very long. I had trained for years, ever since I was little. But only a couple of seasons after I was accepted to join the company, I had to leave for Europe. It was one of the best times of my life.” She remembered fondly. Kate never fawned over the elegant, eye-catching costumes or attention from an entire audience. She had all of that at the Moulin Rouge and was miserable. No, she adored having an entire stage to use as her own. To stand tall with her chin lifted. Everything else was meaningless because the only thing that existed was that stage. It was better than any high.

“Why did you have to leave so soon after?” Ada wondered. The talk of ballet wasn’t anything interesting to her. What was interesting was the woman behind the story. Years passed and although Ada knew Kate well and got along with her, she still couldn’t understand who she was. A dancer that Tommy plucked out of Paris and brought home. There was so much Ada didn’t know, as well as the rest of the Shelby family. And yet, they felt comfortable enough with her that they could accept the inconsistencies. Only because Kate never drew their attention to them. She simply cued them in on vague parts of her life. Like saying she had been a ballerina. But they could be explained. And they could continue to keep her close.

“My father got into trouble. He promised things he couldn’t promise. And one night, a man came to my performance and had left me a note in my dressing room. He told me what my father promised and what was to come.” Kate explained. The memory of walking into the dressing room with all the other girls was still fresh in her mind even after years passed. She was smiling and laughing with them as they usually did after a successful performance. Riding the high of being on stage, Kate remembered seeing the note addressed to her laying by a dozen red roses. She had been intrigued and a bit giddy at the thought of an admirer.

“What was it?”

My dear Kathleen,

You looked stunning on stage, but I would prefer you all to myself. Fortunately, that has been granted to me. You know what you promised and you know that it’s far too late to make any more excuses. I’ll be at your apartment tonight at ten o’clock. I wouldn’t run, micina, you know that only angers me.

Yours,

Santo.

“He believed I was his to marry when I wasn’t.” Kate poured tea for both of them and sat down. She shifted her attention down to the paperwork that Ada had laid out on the table.

Ada watched her eyes shift from side to side even though it didn’t appear she was reading anything on the paper. “That’s what Tommy’s been protecting you from, then.” Her brother hadn’t much of an explanation for why they kept Kate around. Other than she had connections in America, Alfie Solomons liked her, and she needed their protection. Not necessarily in that order.

Kate nodded. “And now I’m afraid I’ve been entangled in his web. A bit more than I would’ve liked.” She mumbled more to herself than to Ada.

“Look,” It happened to remind the Shelby sister why she’d gone there in the first place. “None of us are thrilled that he’s marrying her. After what she did, I know it doesn’t seem like she deserves another chance to be trusted. But I think Tommy wants you there. He made it seem important.”

That only made Kate feel worse. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep the emotions from bubbling up in her. Although Ada seemed like a nice enough confidante, Kate couldn’t risk the chance that the news got back to Tommy. Not so close to his wedding date. “Well, you can tell him I’ll be there.” She replied. “I said I would, so I will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kate assumed most people had been invited to Warwickshire a couple of days before the wedding. Only because she had been and if she had been invited, then surely others were too. After all, she figured she would be the last person Tommy would want around his home only days before his wedding to Grace.

But he’d only invited a couple of other family members. And that was only to make it seem normal that he was inviting Kate.

Tommy sent a car for her one morning. Apprehensive, Kate had packed her things and got in the car. The entire drive, she worried about what might happen. Of course, her greatest fear was Tommy was going to actually get married, even though it was guaranteed to happen. She knew it was too late for him to back out. Aside from the wedding, Kate was afraid she might say something. Anything damning, really. Maybe she said something that showed how she felt for Tommy. Or maybe inexplicably brought something up about her past.

Frankly, they were foolish fears. She hadn’t mentioned anything about her past that wasn’t carefully explained. She let nothing slip. Well, of course when she wasn’t as drunk as she’d been on absinthe. But even then, she thought she didn’t let anything slip. Kate thought that she had trained herself well enough that even in her most inebriated state, her brain wouldn’t let anything loose. But she didn’t know that she told Tommy she loved him.

“Christ,” Kate whispered to herself when the car pulled up the gravel drive. She’d been expecting a large property, especially after Arthur and John had been complaining about getting lost. But it was hard to imagine how imposing Arrow House would be until she was on the doorstep.

It didn’t feel inviting, but maybe that was because Kate didn’t particularly feel a warm invite to the wedding. Still, the estate looked like it was out of a book, not an actual place to live in. It was truly a modern-day castle where Tommy hid. And now he’d invited her inside.

One of the front doors opened and a maid came out to greet her and take her bag. “You must be Miss Rosseau.” She greeted politely.

“Yeah, thank you.” Kate couldn’t help but look around when she walked into the place. The large, drafty rooms only made her feel emptier.

“Mr. Shelby’s gone out on a ride with his brothers but he should be back for lunch. Miss Burgess is in the drawing-room. If you’d like to greet her, I could bring your things upstairs.” The woman suggested.

Kate bristled at the thought of facing Grace alone. “Um, I’d actually like to freshen up a bit.” She made up the excuse, hoping Grace wouldn’t come out to greet her.

“Of course, I’ll show you to your room. If you’d follow me.”

She followed her up the large staircase. There was a portrait on the wall of Tommy and one of his horses. Had it been a different day, maybe she would’ve thought it was funny. Tommy Shelby was slowly changing from a gypsy boy to one of Britain’s elite. Large countryside estate, portraits on the wall, immense power.

The maid brought Kate down the long hallway and showed her into a room that fit the rest of the house. Grandiose without much emotion tied to it. It wasn’t yet a family home. Just a large place filled with meaningless showy things. It didn’t impress Kate. She found most wealth was hollow. It was clear Tommy saw things differently.

“Would you like me to come and fetch you when lunch is ready?” The woman offered.

“That would be great, thank you.” Kate set her bag down on the bed and debated leaving. She felt so on edge and out of place that it made her skin crawl. “What the fuck am I doing here?” She whispered and shook her head.

After making use of the built-in bathtub, Kate got dressed and idled in the room. She didn’t want to go downstairs before she was absolutely certain Tommy or any other family member was home. That way she wouldn’t be trapped alone with Grace. It wasn’t that she feared Grace. No, she just didn’t know what to say anymore. What else was there to say? Congrats? You win?

There was a knock at the door and Kate assumed it was the maid back to tell her lunch was ready.

“Come in!” She called from her spot by the window.

However, it wasn’t the maid that entered. It was Tommy. He walked in and shut the door behind him. “We need to talk.”

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