#the SOLITUDE mwahaha

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MWAHAHA I'VE BEEN WAITING (✷‿✷) Can I ask for a Giyuu who decided he wants to try befriending the newest Pillar since she's pretty quiet (and also pretty cute UwU haha jk) but whenever he tries to come forward and talk to her she either doesn't respond or runs off looking embarrassed. Finally he asks one of the Pillars for help and they sort of break it to him that Reader just lost her voice in a battle before being a Pillar and is very shy because she doesn't know how to talk to people. Thanks!

Demon Got Your Tongue?

Requested by: @trueblueoceaneyes​​

Pairing: Giyuu x Reader  Synopsis: Giyuu wants to make a friend. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up as more.

Tags/warnings: I don’t think there are any, but reader isn’t able to talk (i’m very sorry if I wasn’t able to portray that properly!) and there are also references to the Giyuu Gaiden—but its not necessary to read that to understand this

A/N: WAAAA Thank you so much for being my first request girl!! As expected, your ideas are just *chef’s kiss* magnifique. ily, hope i did your request justice and that you like it uwu. 

I had so much fun writing Giyuu just being an awkward dork, and the bonus - especially the bonus. (also, pls excuse any mistakes, i feel like i passed over some) Anyway, please enjoy!!

edit: so i reread it, and there were some mistakes. apologies to the people who have read this prior the edit—the edits are very minor, but again, i am sorry _:(´□`」 ∠)_

Giyuu was a man who valued his silence and solitude.

From the start, he made it pretty obvious to the other Pillars that he wanted to be left alone and wanted nothing to do with them. And from that sort of attitude, they were able to conclude that while he was an amazing swordsman, he preferred to work alone, go on missions alone, and just generally be alone.

They knew next to nothing about the man, apart from his breath style and stoic personality—and he preferred it that way. Giyuu knew that getting close to others was a troublesome affair, and it always ended up in someone getting hurt. 

When he saw you though, it’s like he knew that the cold facade he put up was a lie.

Normally, Pillar meetings only happened at the end of every other month for regular reports and for the others to catch up and to exchange information. This time, however, Oyakata-sama called for them to introduce a new member that would stand among them as a new Pillar. 

Oyakata-sama introduced you as he did the others, stating your name, and your position as the Thunder Pillar, as well as telling you the names and positions of the current Pillars.

You seemed to be more on the quiet side, with only a soft, somehow strained smile painting your face set with admittedly attractive features. A young woman who was most likely around the age of nineteen or twenty, with a slightly hunched frame, and a death grip on the hem of your (f/c) haori sleeve. You seemed shy and nervous, but all of them knew that you must have possessed extraordinary skills to be able to reach the rank of a Pillar.

Giyuu stamps down an odd itch to stand and walk over to you, staying still as Oyakata-sama calls out his name for you.

Your introduction ended with a kind smile, and a question from the master. He asked if you were willing for a demonstration of your skills, to which you agree with a shy smile and a soft nod.

Unsheathing your sword, you took a deep breath—a loud whistling sound that seemingly shook the air and shocked the Pillars. For the shy woman they saw mere minutes ago to make such a loud sound with just breathing was a curious sight… but then suddenly, you were gone, only faint images of you visible all around the Ubuyashiki’s garden as you performed all six forms of the Thunder Breath.

You were quick and agile, possibly the fastest among all ten of you.

Everyone could hear the loud roll of thunder, but a quick look at the sky showed them that there was no storm—only you performing in the clearing, a dance so graceful and deadly. Despite having a hard time catching your movements, everyone was absolutely mesmerized by the sheer power you displayed, accompanied by the palpable static in the air. 

When you finished, everyone was staring with large eyes—even Giyuu was a little slack-jawed at your performance. You blushed with the weight of everyone’s stare while the master thanked you and urged you to take a seat.

You didn’t want to force your presence or insert yourself between anyone, so you resolved to take your place at the edge of the line-up. It was a tough choice though because one side had two men who seemed to scowl at the ground or at you, while the other had a man who looked impassive with blue eyes and black hair that contrasted well with his pale skin.

He seemed like he wanted to be left alone, but you’d rather sit beside him than feel the sharp glares of who you recalled were the Wind and Serpent Pillars on the other side.

Even if you made up your mind, you still flush as you kneel beside the attractive man; Giyuu wonders why his heartbeat seems to pick up.

The meeting didn’t take long, as the sole purpose of it was to introduce you and let everyone get acquainted, so Oyakata-sama ended it without any excess fanfare, taking his leave to allow the ten of you to mingle.

All of the Pillars rushed over to you, and Giyuu noticed how you jumped at their enthusiasm. There wasn’t any ill-intent—they were only eager to meet you, but you didn’t seem to be used to having eight people talk to you all at once, with how your mouth seemed to open and close like a fish.

The Water Pillar really wanted to talk to you for some odd reason, but seeing as how you already seemed extremely overwhelmed, he decided to do that later—maybe once the others let you breathe—and opted to stand by the sidelines. Not a minute later, however, three crows came flying by, one perching on his shoulders, one on Muichirou, and the other on Sanemi.

“Head to the forest by the town up… northeast!” His crow, Kanzaburo, squawked. “By the town northeast, children disappear! children disappear!”

He wasn’t able to hear what the other crows assigned to the Wind and Mist Pillars, but he was a little disappointed. He really wanted to talk to you, for a reason he could puzzle out later, but that would have to happen on another day.

He still had a job to do.

The next time Giyuu sees you is a couple of weeks later at a decently sized town.

He received notice from his crow that there was a demon trying to make this village its territory, which left him where he was now. The sun was out shining brightly, so he was using the time to gather intel by listening around for any mention of strange disappearances or odd sightings. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened to him at that town with the Matagi Hunters and Shinobu, so he stayed within hearing range, acting as inconspicuous as he could with a sword strapped to his side.

From the corner of his eye however, he catches something familiar—a trail of (h/c) hair and (f/c) haori.

Was that…?

Moving at a reasonable pace, he weaves around wandering merchants and people, slightly hoping for any other sign of you. He tried to be as polite as he could in moving around, but it seems that he already lost you once he reached the end of the crowd.

He heaves a heavy sigh after taking a seat on a bench far from the bustle, and the information, but it was about time for a break anyway.

What was it about you?

Why was he so curious to talk to you? Why was he so drawn as to chase after what he thought was you? There was something about you that made him want to get closer, to get to know you, even though he stopped himself a long time ago from forming connections to others.

Was it the strength you displayed? Was it your quiet disposition? Your pretty face?

He hoped he wasn’t as superficial to be drawn by that last one. You were pretty yes and he was willing to admit that, but he hoped that he wasn’t as shallow to want to talk to you for your looks. And yes, you were strong, but so were the other Pillars, and a lot of other demon slayers, but he didn’t feel the same pull to them as he did to you.

Giyuu throws his hands in the air. Making friends and thinking about you was making his head spin. “Focus, Giyuu.” He scolds himself and opens the wrapper of his salmon-filled rice ball.

He was about to take a bite when again, from the corner of his eye, he saw a trail of (h/c) hair and (f/c) haori. Giyuu immediately whirls his head to make sure if it was actually you and calls out before he could think about his actions. “(L/N)-san!”

When you turn around at the sound of your name, you gripped your sword in surprise only to face a pair of familiar blue eyes, and a haori split in two.

Giyuu turns back to his opened rice ball, quickly wrapping it back closed, and stands abruptly, jogging to where you were standing.

“I’m not sure if you remember but, I wasn’t able to personally introduce myself last time. My name is Giyuu Tomioka, and I’m the Water Pillar.” Giyuu wanted to give himself a pat on the back. He sounded literate.

Of course, you remember him. You kind of wanted to say that it was stupid of him to think that he was forgettable. You remember feeling a little disappointed when he left before you had a chance to talk to him. But you immediately squashed down that feeling because you could talk to him now—!

Giyuu pauses, waiting for you to reply as you seem to look for something at your side, but your eyes widen and seem to look at everywhere but him. “Is there anything wrong?” He asks and worriedly watches as your face turns into a deep red.

You raise both your hands in front of you and shake your head, even if there really was something wrong. You start to amble backward—and Giyuu couldn’t see it, but you could feel your palms and your forehead sweating bullets—an apology at the tip of your tongue, that would never be heard.

“(L/N)-san?” At the sound of his voice, you bowed deeply, almost at a ninety-degree angle from the ground. Giyuu was trying to process the reason you were bowing so deeply that he didn’t even realize that you’ve already turned around and scurried out of there.

The Water Pillar was confused out of his wits. He rubs the back of his neck, his eyes blinking and squeezing shut, before ultimately collapsing back at the bench he was sitting on. “Was it something I said?”

Maybe his habit of pushing others away was catching up to him.

The sun sets not long after Giyuu finishes his salmon rice ball.  He pushes his encounter with you at the back of his mind as he places the folded wrapper into his uniform pocket and moves towards the portion of the forest he heard townspeople gossip about. On the way, he could see that people were already closing up shops and walking hurriedly to their homes.

At the edge of the forest, Giyuu feels the tangible difference in the air and tenses up once he senses the demon. The presence felt so thick, that the raven-haired man was itching to cut the air with his Nichirin blade.

This isn’t good.

He fastens his pace and he grips his sword tighter, his heart already pounding a mile a minute despite keeping his stoic expression. It almost felt like the demon was already there at his side, surrounding him with its presence.

He stops at a clearing, a round opening with barely any moonlight seeping through, and stops when he spots his target. He unsheathes his blade and rushes in with his sword held high.

Not even a meter from the demon, he hears a growl, and a hand darts out managing to snag the exposed sleeve of the skin of his face. Immediately, he twists his body into a flip, before landing deftly on his feet, safe from a distance away. He wanted to scold himself for being caught off guard by something he should have easily sensed.

So there were tw- no, now there were three.

As he was moving into a defensive stance, he didn’t notice the two demons regroup and he sure as hell didn’t notice a third one join in.

Giyuu parries an incoming attack and dodges a cheap hit they tried to land. He sees an opening when the three try to surround him, breathing quick and deep as he jumps up and slashes one body into multiple parts.

Water Breathing Fourth Form: Striking Tide!

The head drops with a loud thump, and when two more appear in place as the severed body parts start to disintegrate, Giyuu just wants to groan out loud.

There were now four when there were previously three, and at this point, Giyuu was certain that there were more hiding in between the trees and the blind spots of his vision. He couldn’t stay on the defensive forever, and going on the offensive when there were others left too many openings for his liking.

One of the demons was about to try and swipe a hit while Giyuu was distracted with parrying. The arm was an inch away, but with the roll of thunder and a flash of lightning, the arm previously reaching for him sat torn on the ground.

You rushed into the clearing in a blazing glory once you sensed a demon on your patrol around town. In the heat of the battle, you leave your embarrassment and stand defensively against his back, and in an impulsive thought, Giyuu connects the fact that you might have been sent to the same mission he was on.

Ah, maybe that was why he saw you in town.

You were sent on the same mission; perhaps to cooperate—he did go on missions with the others Pillars at times despite wanting to work alone—but if that was the case, it didn’t explain why you ran from him earlier. Maybe you only realized it now too?

Regardless, he was incredibly grateful you arrived when you did because about fifteen more dropped into the clearing.

One ordinary demon was usually no trouble for demon slayers, but having multiple of them like this was a little trickier. They fought dirty, desperate for survival, and it was so, so easy to make mistakes in the heat of the battle—even for the higher ranked and, in extension, more experienced members of the corps like them.

Having a large group of demons like this was strange though because demons preferred to move alone or at least in smaller groups of two or three, at most six. This is probably the most Giyuu has seen in one place.

The two of you were a blur as an unspoken agreement passed. He’d deal with half, and you would deal with the other, and with that all sorted out, the fight was over in a little less than twenty or so minutes, both your swords being sheathed into its respective scabbards.

Giyuu gulps in a breath of air, his hands over his knees as he wheezes out a few words. “Thank you for the help (L/N)-san, one of them almost got me.”

Your heart beats a little faster—not from the battle but from the soft, relieved smile on Giyuu’s face. Why didn’t he smile more often? He looked absolutely beautiful.

“Oh, are you alright?” His eyes widen at the bleeding cut on your right arm. You almost wanted to laugh, because he looked much worse than you did with bleeding scratches that marred his handsome face. 

A chuckle escapes your lips and you dust off your right hand on the fabric of your uniform, reaching down the pocket of your skirt to pull out a pristine handkerchief. Gently, you press it to his bloody wound, and the warmth from his skin seeping through the fabric felt pleasant against your cool fingers.

You hold it there, discreetly checking over him for any more wounds and time seems to pass by the both of you.

Giyuu swallows nervously. His stomach was flipping around, but he was sure he had no wounds around that area. “(L/N)-san?” 

You seem to snap out of it when he calls your name, your hand flinching away from his face and the handkerchief sticking from the blood. He could see the red rush to your neck and up your cheeks, to the tips of your ears. You looked kind of cute.

He stares at you as you move forward in your odd ninety-degree angle bow, and was about to ask why you were bowing, but only realized too late what you were doing once you ran off. Again.

His old crow perches wearily on his shoulder, seeming to huff before delivering a message Giyuu had already anticipated.

“Pillar Meeting! Pillar Meeting! Arrive three hours before noon!” He was aware that the Pillar Meeting was today. The only reason he wasn’t rushing to get there was that he didn't want to arrive only for it to be canceled, or moved at another time. That would be a waste of time.

“Thank you, Kanzaburo.”

Pillar Meetings usually happened in the daytime, mostly in the morning. Sometimes it’s at high noon, or when dawn breaks, maybe even before the sun sets, but rarely at night. That was when they were on duty after all, and those only happen in the direst of situations.

He arrived just on time. The others were already gathered loosely in the line-up formation they unspokenly kept, making small talk over matters Giyuu couldn’t hear. You weren’t there though. You were most likely late, but that didn’t stop him from letting his shoulders sag in slight disappointment. He was hoping to talk to you before the meeting started.

It was just his luck that you arrived a minute before Oyakata-sama did when he was already making a move to walk over to you.

He swallows down a sigh as he kneels at his spot at the edge of the line-up between Uzui and you. Giyuu liked being at the edge or at the farthest side of any kind of gathering because it always provided him with an opening to leave when he wanted, but with your newfound presence on his left side, he finds himself not minding as much as he thought he would.

The meeting carried on as usual, almost as if you were always there in the first place. One by one, the other Pillars gave their oral reports of the past month, and when Giyuu was done relaying his information, including that mission with you, he was a little surprised when you stood from your position beside him and walked towards the master’s seat when he gave a nod with his comforting smile in your direction.

You reach in your pocket and pull out a pristine roll of paper with the barest mark of black ink bleeding through. It was tied with a red braided cord that the master pulls when you hand it to him with a respectful bow. The master asks one of his children at his side to take it and read the contents.

Giyuu was a little confused. The others didn’t seem to find it odd, he notes when he takes a quick glance at his comrades. But he wonders why you didn’t speak choosing to hand in a written report. He decides to push it out of his mind. It wasn’t his business anyway.

Everything continues on, the meeting ending not long after that. All of the Pillars stood and bowed as Oyakata-sama left with the help of his children, as per usual, but Giyuu has never felt so relieved when the meeting finished as he did now.

The others were already talking among themselves while four of them left for missions assigned directly during the meeting, leaving him, you, Gyomei, Kyojurou, Mitsuri, and Muichirou. Normally, this is where Giyuu would take his leave, with or without the excuse of a mission, but to everyone’s surprise, he stays and walks up to you.

He stops at a respectable distance from you and nods politely at your right arm. “I hope your arm is okay.”

The Pillars pretended that they weren’t listening in (though Muichirou didn’t have to because he was already busy staring at the clouds) and they were doing their best to carry on a half-hearted conversation to keep up with the guise that they were minding their own business.

Your slightly spooked expression morphs into a small smile—Giyuu couldn’t help but think that you had a lovely smile—and your mouth opens, almost on its way to producing a word towards him. He didn’t notice it, but he was leaning a little closer in anticipation of the sound of your voice.

It immediately shuts back down, however, and your cheeks flush a charming shade of red as embarrassment flits across your face. Instead of speaking, you give him a respectful nod, pointing to his bandaged face, and giving a thumbs up. Then you turn back to the others with a small wave of your hand before you’re suddenly gone, your body bowing yet again as you move incredibly fast to the garden gates.

Everyone watches the gates you pushed open swing back close with a creak that sounded all over the garden.

Giyuu wanted to slap himself.

His mind flashes back to the conversation he had with Kyojuro and Mitsuri as he was walking at a bustling street in a village on the way back to his estate. He felt incredibly stupid that he was only able to connect the dots when someone spelled it out for him.

Giyuu, Kyojurou, and Mitsuri sit around the training room of the Love Pillar’s estate.

Giyuu wandered into Mitsuri’s home after he decided to ask for advice, help, anything at all to understand what he was doing wrong. You seemed close to the pink-haired woman—you two were always beside each other before and after meetings after all—and he thought that Mitsuri was nice and cheerful, so maybe asking her for advice about you wouldn’t be so bad.

When Mitsuri opens her door, she’s shocked to see the Water Pillar standing there. “Wah! Tomioka-san!”

“Uh, hello, Kanroji-san,” Giyuu greets awkwardly. “I have a question to ask you.”

“Oh, of course, no problem, come on in! I was about to make some food for us!”

He didn’t account for the fact that Mitsuri might have company over so when he sees Kyojuro after Mitsuri leads him to her training room, it seems that he would have to settle for talking to both the Love Pillar and the Flame Pillar. Oh well, having two opinions was better than one. He hoped that saying was true.

“Oh, Tomioka! Did you come to train? Kanroji and I are just taking a break if you want to spar.” Kyojuro asks when the Water Pillar takes a seat.

“No, I… just wanted to ask for some advice.”

Mitsuri must have heard all the way from her kitchen because not a moment too soon, she barges through the door with three plates in hand piled high with food. “Advice?! Is that related to your question?” Giyuu nods and takes the plate she offered. “Well, ask away��I love these kinds of things!”

He starts by recalling the day of the mission he had with you. How he called out for you to formally introduce himself in the afternoon, how he asked if you were alright in the evening after the battle with nearly twenty demons, and how you ran away from him both times with your tail between your legs. He ends with his painfully one-sided conversation with you after the meeting a few days ago, and the ever-present question of why you keep running away. (But Mitsuri and Kyojuro already knew about that part—Tomioka speaking to anybody on his own volition was a rare sight. Of course, they listened in.)

This was the most Mitsuri and Kyojuro ever heard Giyuu speak, though and they reckon it was the most he’s ever spoken at all. But they brush that off and look at each other, deciding if they should tell him what they thought everyone already knew.

“Well, you see…” Mitsuri plays with the hem of her uniform. “Tomioka-san… (Y/N) lost her voice in a battle with a lower moon. She won and became a Pillar because of it, but…”

By the slight widening of his eyes, they were able to confirm that no, he didn’t know.

Kyojuro draws his brows together, swallowing a bite of food from the plate Mitsuri handed him. “Though, it’s odd that she keeps running away. (Y/N)’s shy—that much is obvious, but she was able to talk to us. She uses this large notepad, almost the size of my arm, but she rarely uses it because she says it’s a bother to carry around.” 

“Maybe she was embarrassed?” Mitsuri hmm’s for a moment at her mentor. She taps a finger on her chin, her head tilted slightly to the side as she suggests. But then she gasps, leaning closer to inspect Tomioka in a new light. “Or maybe she likes you! Wahh~”

“Oh gods,” he says, ignoring the last bit before dropping his head on his hands. “(L/N)-san can’t speak?”

You couldn’t talk.

He felt like the biggest asshole in the entire world and felt absolutely terrible for the many times he expected you to reply to him—that was rude and thoughtless of him. 

Ignorance would never be an excuse for his insensitivity, but It was just like him to mess up this badly the first time he genuinely wanted to talk to his peers.

Though, he could only imagine what you felt.

Banging his head on the wall sounded like a mighty fine idea, but doing that in the middle of a busy street might make people think that he was crazy. Not that he really cared for what people thought of him but that might get him tied up for prison. He still wasn’t over that mission.

On his way back to his estate, he sees a man his age gesturing in strange motions with his hands towards a kid, around eight or ten years old. He watches as the man and the kid form figures with their palms and fingers, letting them move towards their mouth, their chest, parts around their faces, in turns. The Water Pillar has seen it before, but only now, with the revelation he just had an hour prior, did he ever question it. What were they doing with his hands? It’s almost as if they were…

“You need something, Boy?” A lady behind him speaks.

The raven-haired man jolts in surprise, and the voice laughs. He didn’t notice that he was staring, nor blocking the entrance of a shop.

Giyuu turns to find a kind-looking elderly woman, leaning over the stall of her shop watching the kid interact with the man who he presumed was a relative.

“Ah no, I’m sorry.”

She waves off his apology and grins when she notices that she got the attention of the fine-looking young man standing in front of her shop. “It’s amazing, huh? Talking with the use of hands. Pretty useful if I do say so myself.”

Getting out of the way and moving to a polite distance, closer to the shop, Giyuu asks politely, “What are they doing exactly?”

“You must be new around here huh? Explains why I’ve never seen that face.” No, he just didn’t leave in the day that often, even if the village was right down the hill of his estate. “They’re talking, I reckon—‘bout what can’t say for sure. I’ve only caught a few gestures when that little boy drops by.”

“Oh.”

“It’s a shame though, his brother—the young man—can’t speak, but on the bright side, they can communicate at least. Those fancy gestures they’re doing are pretty fascinating, you’d have to admit.” Both of them turn back to the kid and his brother.

“It is.” Giyuu agrees because it is amazing. Talking without the use of voices, only with the use of movements. There was something elegant about the way their hands would move around, how the expressions on their faces seemed to also be included in how they communicated. He found it absolutely mind-blowing that the way they gesture around carries an entire language.

When he turns back to the old woman, only then did he notice her wares and the items on display around the shelves. Maybe he could make it up to you.

“Is this for sale?” He asks, and the woman laughs loudly.

“Of course it is Boy, this is a shop after all.” She ushers him further into her store. She knows that look on his face, and old women like her were always eager to help a young man in love treat his lady right.

You were training in the courtyard of your estate when a loud knock stops you from swinging.

The training sword in your grasp drops unceremoniously as you grab the small towel on your engawa, wiping at your face. You would normally shout that you were going to get the door but there was the issue of your voice, and the Thunder estate was too big…

You try to drown out your negativity by rushing to the door before your visitor left. The door swishes open, and to your complete and utter embarrassment, the Water Pillar was there.

Oh Gods, was he here to call you a total dunce for running away from him?

“Ah, (L/N)-san, sorry to barge in on you but I wanted to a —um… t-talk? Just for a bit. It’ll be quick, I promise.” He sounds nervous—even if his face was still a little blank—but you give him a nod, and timidly move aside to let him in. He says a quick thank you before setting his zori to the side of your entrance.

As you lead him to your engawa, you could feel your nerves start to fray and short-circuit. You gesture for him to take a seat while you point to your home, wordlessly telling him to wait.

When you come back from the kitchen with a tray of tea, you hand him a cup before taking a seat a few feet away from him. You faintly hear his sharp inhale before he turns to you and speaks. ���Um, I’m really sorry if I offended you on our past encounters. I didn’t know that you couldn’t… couldn’t speak.”

You were relieved that he didn’t seem to be here to call you out, but you were quick to move and shake your head and your hands from side to side. No, it’s not your fault! you would have said, but you hoped that your actions were enough to speak for you.

“No, it is, I’m really sorry. It was rude and inconsiderate of me, and I hope you could forgive me.” He bows a little, and you were starting to get a little flustered. “I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll take these as a token of my apology.”

You watch as he fumbles with his pocket, and brings out a nicely wrapped paper bag. Gingerly, you take it when he offers it to you, and wordlessly ask if you could open it.

He nods and you peek into the contents. Inside was a stack of small paper bound together by string and designed with fabric the same pattern as your haori, and a small metal pen set with simple but delicate carvings.

“It’s a small notebook and a fountain pen,” Giyuu explains, rubbing the nape of his neck with his hand. He could feel the skin burning along with his ears. “It’s small enough to put in the pocket of our uniform, so you could bring it around. I thought that you could use it to talk with others, but in hindsight, maybe you already have one of those. You don’t have to use it of course, but it would be nice if you did, but you don’t have to feel obligated to or—!”

A small giggle escapes your lips, and you flip open the pretty notebook he gave you and uncapped the pen, writing down words in your neat script. You show what you’ve written to him, a pink blush coloring your cheeks.

[Thank you, I love it! This is so much easier to bring than a large notepad and a bulky bottle of ink. I’ll be sure to bring it with me always!]

The Water Pillar lets out a breath he didn’t know he’s been holding and his face unconsciously morphs into a small smile, warming his cold facade by a mile. “I’m glad. I could bring you there if you run out of pages. If you’d like.”

The blush deepens as you turn back to the notebook.

[I would like that.]

BONUS:

The Pillars were no longer surprised when you and Tomioka entered the Ubuyashiki’s garden together. It’s been like that for the past couple of meetings, and finally, they were able to get used to the cold, stoic, normally silent Giyuu Tomioka talking to the warm, shy, and more social (Y/N) (L/N). Everyone found it ironic though that the Thunder Pillar who could no longer speak was more talkative than the Water Pillar who could.

These past few meetings have also been different than the first two you participated in. You were more open and seemed to be smiling more. You even showed them the thoughtful gifts Giyuu gave you—though that was more of an accident than anything.

“Oh, (F/N)-chan!” Mitsuri squeals when you habitually pull out the notebook and the pen from your pocket to answer a question Uzui asked you. You were used to using the notebook to talk with others now. “That’s a really pretty notebook! Where did you buy it?”

The answer you were in the middle of writing sits unfinished as you move to answer Mitsuri’s question first.

[Ah, I didn’t get it, Giyuu gave it to me.]

Everyone was paying attention to your little notebook — it was actually really nice of them to be paying such close attention to your words when you couldn’t speak — and their eyes seemed to bug out of their sockets when they read the name ‘Giyuu’.

The Pillars’ heads immediately dart over to the man in question, and Giyuu immediately turns his face to the side, pretending like he wasn’t embarrassed. He wasn’t fooling anyone, with how red his ears appear to be.

Mitsuri inwardly screeches at the Water Pillar’s expression (but Obanai seems to have noticed anyway). She couldn’t keep it in though when she and the others turned back to you, your cheeks painted a charming shade of red.

When you arrived early or had no mission after a meeting, you would even show them a few signs from the new language you’ve been learning. Japanese Sign Language, as you and Giyuu would call it. Sometimes, he would join in if there was one you forgot.

“That’s interesting,” Muichiro says, actually looking at you instead of the clouds.

”I never knew you could talk with your hands!” Kyoujuro looks down at his hands, as he repeats one of the signals you just taught them. “It’s spectacular!”

“Yes, it is.” Shinobu agrees, an idea forming in her head—maybe she could suggest sign language to some of her patients who lost the ability to speak. “You should teach us any more you learn (F/N)-chan. It would be nice if we could talk that way, and I could teach some of my patients too!”

You would pull out your notebook though when you didn’t know how to sign what you had to say.

[It’s all thanks to Giyuu! When we’re both free, we go down together to the village close to his estate and learn from one of the people there. Oh, that’s also the village where he got this notebook for me!]

That was news to them. First, the gift, and now the two of you were together even in your spare time? Though, they had to admit that it was incredibly sweet of him to accompany and learn along with you, even if he didn’t have to. And they also found it cute when he would unconsciously turn to you, touching you gently, and moving your hands to the proper position. But Obanai and Sanemi would never admit that. They would rather fight an upper moon.

Occasionally after meetings, they would spot the two of you standing off to the side. Both of your hands would be moving around, a little too fast for them at times to really analyze what you two were talking about, but there were moments—and Mitsuri would swear on her life with this—where those hands didn’t move.

They would only hold onto each other, calloused thumbs brushing past each other’s knuckles. It was like the two of you were absorbed in your own world.

There was even this one time when she thought she saw Giyuu kiss your forehead. (Later on, you two would explain that you thought no one was looking. You were hiding behind your notebook in embarrassment, while Giyuu’s face was flushed— as red as an apple).

Nobody knew this (well maybe you did — you had a knack for being able to understand Giyuu, with or without the help of signing or speaking), but Giyuu craved for interactions, even if he was successful in making others believe he didn’t. He was glad you saw through him though, and you were glad he let you into his world.

But no, what got their attention wasn't the two of you walking in together, it was your hands—your hands that used to be a few feet apart in constant movement were now all joined and tangled fingers. And what’s more, was that Tomioka was smiling. It was probably at something you said, nothing new, but a closer look told them that he was smiling, because you were holding his hand.

The meeting started later than usual. Not even Oyakata-sama’s presence was enough to stop the questions his cute little swordsmen have been dying to ask the two of you for months.

It was further pushed when Mitsuri screamed looking away from the huddle she and the other pillars were in, pointing to you who just pulled away from kissing Giyuu’s cheek (you two thought you were being discreet). “See? I’m right, now pay up people! And stop calling me crazy!“ 

She was 5,000 yen richer by the time the meeting started, and she fully intended to spend it on sakura mochi.

A/N:  Even if it was in the tags and the ask, I tried to reveal that bit of info as giyuu discovered it, so I hope some of you were still surprised (even just a little!!) when it was revealed that Reader couldn’t talk. Again, I hope you enjoyed, and thank you to @trueblueoceaneyes for the request uwu (requests are still open!!)

[siremasterlawrence]

Elsewhere Stories # 1

The Man Of Steel Submits

Part 1

Clark Kent Aka Kal El The Man Of Steel Superman is literally at my doorway to my gallery premiere. What a odd thing for a News Reporter to cover this most amazing story ever.

“Hello, my name is Clark Kent a major news reporter for the Daily Planet and I am here to interview you.”

“Well this is not usually my scene, but I do find your paintings to be quite intriguing.”

He adds.

“Do you? That is interesting well take this painting for example you see the color scheme I used.”

“What about it? The theme is about hope descent into absolute darkness right?”

“Correct my friend, stare deeper into the void that’s it.”

“What else do you see in the painting focus on the middle?”

“I can see something like a mirror in the middle of painting reflecting back.”

“What do you see? Yourself right?”

Part 2

I slap his back jogging his mind into total mental open state of mind.

My thoughts project into his mind as he is facing me now a mindless slate.

“You work for me now Clark Kent, and you always have since the dawn of time.”

“That painting of mine is a lace with my own personal hypnotic suggestions.”

“You will surrender to your free will to me twenty four seven.”

“Kneeling at my feet for all eternity of his life.”

“Yes, I understand and I will obey.”

“Sir, I live to obey you with all my heart and soul Sir.”

He feels so deeply connected to me as he cracks half a smile.

Part 3

Days pass as Clark Kent disappears from the face of the earth as we hide away at the fortress of solitude.

Clark sits kneeling at my feet never ready utter a word except to obey.

All he does is obey me without question and serve me with love.

“Master Lawrence, what can I do for you now?”

“It’s time to enact the next plan into fruition.”

“Are you ready Clark.”

“Yes sire.”

“I will obey.”

Part 4

Clark Kent feels his last bit of free will, love and desire forever.

The world is now my oyster Clark enjoys the radiance of the sun on his skin and the air is his hair.

He heads to Smallville, Mississippi with one thing on his mind.

“All I want to please my lord and savior.”

“Oh Master Lawrence, makes me feel alive.”

“I must succeed, I can never fail.”

“I can never fail my lord ever.”

“Time to remake the Kent Farm.”

Clark erases the existence of his old life leaving countless dead bodies in his stead.

Part 5

I tap into the computer systems around the world projecting a image of Clark Kent.

Superman lifts him in the air checking his former persona out in disgust.

He can’t believe he wore the unbelievable glasses, ugly clothes and foolish persona.

“I will never be this pathetic loser again. Clark Kent what a fucker.”

“Mwahahahahahahahahaha thoughts that I could not break you.”

“Huh? Master Lawrence owns me for life.”

“He is my Master Lawrence, a sole ruler.”

“I will kill Clark Kent here and prove myself.”

“For Master Lawrence.”

Part 6

He throws the solid corporeal image to the ground below.

The body crushing on the ground it is to his disgust.

He flew down smashing on top of his abs the bones crushing under.

“Mwahahahahahahahahaha, Mwahaha.”

“Too good, I give in.”

“Clark Kent is done finally.”

“I love Master Lawrence”

“I live for Master Lawrence.”

The End.

[theauthorlives]

Now, Morgan is sure that Yancy running out of hair gel is annoying to him. That’s why they’re playing with his curls in the solitude of their cell. It’s... solidarity. Curly-haired solidarity, yeah. Not just because he looks cute with his hair loose, that’d be silly.

@xshatteredreflectionsx

-

Was this revenge for the other day? 

Yancy was the one trying to focus this time. He was due a test in his literacy class, and had been given a worksheet to try and practice some comprehension. He was scouring through the passage, attempting to find three adverbs, when he felt something in his hair.  Not just that, there was movement in his hair.

His gaze lifted to quickly find the culprit. At first, there was confusion. Was there something wrong with his hair? He knew he was low on gel and long overdue a visit to commissary, but he tried his best! But as moments ticked by, he realised they were intentionally shaking it out of its hold. But why? What was the point of that?

Before he could ask, his eyes darted up to Morgan’s face. They seemed happy. Not in the ‘mwahaha I am causing mischief’ way, but more akin to contentment. He briefly bit the inside of his lip in thought.

“Youse, uh... Like my hair like this? I know it ain’t my normal look but, uh... You seems quite fond of my hair when it ain’t gelled back.” Truthfully, he rarely kept a ‘natural’ look to his hair unless he was low on gel. Even with the short sides, the longer curls looked rather nice on him, to the point of seemingly softening the shape of his face.

[wicked-virtue]

What does your character like in other People? (ALL OF THEM MWAHAHA)

(Heaven help me that is a lot of characters. Going to do it under a cut to save people’s sanity.)

Aeritria Locklair - Aeri rolled her eyes and brushed a lock of crimson and raven hair back from her features, “What do I like in other people? I don’t like other people. There are only a couple that I care to be around. If I have to choose though….Hmm… Like a screamer. They are fun. Not fond of the whiners or beggers, but give me a screamer any day.” Aki Arashi - Aki leaned in to try to hear the question over the loud music playing, “Hmm… Kindness and the ability to have fun. I like people who don’t take themselves too seriously. No one likes a stick in the mud.” Ikara Esho - Swinging her legs back and forth beneath the railing she was balancing on, Ikara grinned, “Oh… I like all sorts of people. I mean… my friends and adoptive family are all so… different. Unique! I like unique people! That and people who aren’t lazy. Laziness never got anyone anywhere.” L’ania Hena - L’ania sat by the small stream and thought on the question quietly, then tossed a small pebble into the water with a warm smile, “I like people who are more than they seem. Most of the people I consider friends are people that someone would assume dangerous or scary, but they can be some of the kindest, most thoughtful, and loyal people.” Mikh’a Epocan - Mikh’a pressed his lips together at the question, whistling for Mana to stop growling. “I’m not fond of most people. The people I like tend to be smart or talented in some way. Exceptional people. It takes an exceptional person to draw my attention and get me to leave my solitude.” Soren Gilmar - Soren twirled the small throwing dagger in his hand lazily, “Wha’  sort o’ people? Hmm… I suppose I don’ have a particular type o’ person I like. I mean, if it comes t’ women I like pretty ones tha’ have a fierce streak in ‘em. Guys… I suppose folks as ‘ave a story t’ tell. Someone who ‘as lived an’ knows life ain’ all black an’ white.” Tyranie Tiberiah - Tyranie stepped away from the group of younglings, letting one of the other teachers take over so she could take a moment with the question, “Hmm… I suppose I like folks with inner strength to them, also folks that treat ya how they want to be treated. I’m probably also a sucker for folks that need help in some way. Its not that I like that about them, but I suppose I like a person that knows how to ask for help when they need it, instead of being a blockhead like my friend Lloire who just gets himself into deeper trouble for not asking.” 

[lexxfics]

Fictionless Love

Chapter 3 - Unfair

Need a recap? Or new to the story? Click HERE

"Wake-up sleepy head~"

I started to stir in my sleep. "No...5 more minutes Jace..."

"Who is this Jace?" At the sound of an unfamiliar voice, I opened my eyes. What I saw before me freaked me out. I had woken up next to Taehyung... and I was HUGGING him.

I quickly pulled back. Pillow barrier my BUTT.

He sat up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Aish~ I wondered when you were going to let me go. You had been holding onto me tightly for the last couple of hours," he said. I immediately started to turn red.

"S-sorry," I whispered.

"I even suggested the barrier for your sake but you are the one who broke it. Aigoo~...even while asleep girls still want me," I hit him on the shoulder.

"Ow!"

"I-I didn't mean to hug you," I said. Man, me and my stupid habits. I used to sleep with a Jace body pillow all the time and so I must have done that to him. I started mentally hitting myself.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. Hyun-Ae, the pervert~" He said.

"Y-yah!" I said. "Y-you want to d-die?" I threatened. I picked up my pillow and started to hit him with it. He brought his hands up, trying to block my blows.

"Haijima!" He yelled, getting off of my bed. I followed him off and continued hitting him.

"W-who's a pervert huh?" I said, hitting him once. "Who?" I yelled, hitting him a second time.

"You~" he said while laughing. I continued hitting him until he grabbed the pillow away from me.

"Ok, enough with the pillow hitting. Let's put this down," he said, placing the pillow back on my bed, keeping eye contact with me the whole time. I rolled my eyes at him. You were asking for it, punk! Huh! Don't test me!

Ignoring his remark, I went over and grabbed my phone to see that the time was 5:15. Ok he still has time to leave before getting caught. I looked back up at him to see him staring at me. I quickly turned away. Aish, what did I get myself into?

"I-I think you are good to go," I said, showing him the time.

"Ah, right! I need to leave before anyone sees me," he said, as if remembering the situation we were in. He started to gather his things.

"Thank you again, Hyun-Ae," he said, giving me a smile. I looked off to the side.

"Y-you're welcome," I responded. I glanced over to see his dorky smile on his face. I walked over to him and started to push him out my door. "Ok, n-now go! B-before someone see you," I said.

"N-ne~" He responded. As he started to open the door he paused. What is he doing?

He turned around and started walking back towards me. Flustered, all I could do was stand still. He then suddenly hugged me, squeezing me tight. I could feel the heat rise to my face.

"Y-yah," was all I could manage to get out.

"I won't forget this," he whispered. He suddenly pulled back, flashing me a huge smile, and went back towards the door. This time though, he opened it and went through, closing the door behind him.

Finally alone, I went and sat on my bed. Okay, well...all that just happened. Thank heavens today is my easy day at school since I only have one class. I need to recover some more...It suddenly hit me. I didn't do any homework last night! Crap!

I quickly ran over to my desk and sat down, wanting to get down to business, when I heard my phone go off.

Confused, I went to pick up my phone. Who could it be? My family is always busy at this time of day. I looked down and froze.

"Ahh~ I also forgot to say that I added my number to your phone! So expect texts from me from now on! And if you don't answer...I will tell everyone what you did to me while sleeping~" said the text from Strawberry with a little heart at the end. My blood started to boil. KIM TAEHYUNG!

"What is this blackmail?" I responded. My legs giving out, made me fall back onto my bed. When the hell did he do this?

Ding.

"Yep, so you have to listen to what I say now~ *evil face*" I started panicking at his comment. Dang it, I even saved his butt and this is how he thanks me?

"Uh, no I don't. Tell anyone about that and you are dead too you hear? Don't you remember what you told me last night?" I responded. Haha, sucker. I got something on you too~

Ding.

"What did I tell you?" He asked. Oooo, he doesn't even remember. Mwahaha.

"Not telling~" I responded. I finally have the upper hand on this punk. Maybe I get him and the guys to leave me alone.

"Okay, fine. Don't tell me. But oh? What is this?" He sent back. The following message came with a video. Afraid, to open it I sat there staring at it. Do I click it or not? Crap, I have to know.

I clicked on the video to see me lying down and my face right next to the camera. Was this last night?

"Oooo Jaceu~...Haijima!" I said, giggling in my sleep. Oh...my...lord...WHAT THE HELL IS THIS.

The video continued. "Jace, I know you want me, but stop. Other people will find out," I said shyly with a goofy grin on my face. I could hear Taehyung giggling in the background of the video. I wanted to scream.

Idiot, idiot! Pabo! I can't believe I was talking in my sleep...

"Y-yah...delete that!" I sent back to him. If that video of me got out I would be ruined. I mean not that I have a reputation to ruin or anything but I definitely do not want people to see me like this!

Ding.

"Ok, I will," He sent back. I sighed in relief. Until another text message appeared.

"But, I have one condition," He continued. Nervous, I texted back.

"What is the condition?" I asked.

Ding.

"I want you, to hang out with me and the guys for a day." I sat there rereading the text over and over, not believing what it said. Uhhh...excuse....me....

"Uh, can it be anything else besides that?" I responded.

Ding.

"Nope this is my condition and it won't be changed! Either spend a day with us or be prepared to have this video leaked to the whole school~" I sighed in frustration. Ok, pros and cons, pros and cons...ummm....

Pros... the video doesn't get leaked. I won't be a laughing stock. After one day I can go back to my life peacefully. It is only one day.

Cons... I HAVE TO SPEND A DAY WITH 7 GUYS.

I think the cons greatly outweigh the pros in this situation but, if that video is leaked of me I am ruined! Instead of people leaving me alone like they do now - which is great by the way - instead I will hear snickering and laughing from people as I walk by them. That is definitely not any better.

I started to toss and turn in my bed. I groaned out loud in frustration.

Damn it...damn it...

Ding.

"So what is your answer, Hyun-Ae? Day of fun or life-long embarrassment?" I stared at his text. I am going to get you soon Taehyung...

"I guess...I will spend a day with you guys...but no shenanigans ok? And nothing flashy!" I responded. What...did I just...agree to...

Ding.

"Ok! Are you free tomorrow?" Considering, tomorrow is Friday and I don't have school or work tomorrow, that would be a yes.

"Yes. Just tell me where you want me to be," I said, regretting my decision to hang out with them.

"Ok I will talk with them about it and let you know! See you later, pervert~" He said. I couldn't help but smile at his comment. I immediately realized that, and started to shake my head.

No! Don't let him or the other guys get to you! They may seem nice but they will just leave you or betray you like they did. You can't be friends with them. Don't even think about Hyun-Ae.

Just spend the day with them and then you can ask them to leave you alone. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. And then I can go back into my life of solitude and fiction novels.

Hwaiting!

I cheered myself on, giving me strength. I looked down at my phone to see that it was now 6.

Shoot! I need to do my homework and get ready to go to my class!

I quickly jumped out of my bed and headed over to my desk. I opened my laptop and got down to business for the next hour.

After I finished, I relaxed back in my chair, thankful that I was quick at reading. I then headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

I quickly took one and got ready for school, wearing jeggings, my favorite loose shirt, and leaving my hair down as I was too lazy to blow-dry it or put it up.

I quickly gathered my things and headed to my class. I walked out of my door and quickly bowed to the people I met outside of it.

I then proceeded to grab my iPod out of my backpack and put my headphones in, drowning out the world. I hit play.

(A/N): The bolded parts in the song lyrics were ones that I thought applied to Hyun-Ae...just wanted to let you know so it wasn't confusing! Feel free to play the song along with it! :3

'If you smile at me like that, (Girl don't you know)

It's hard for me not to feel anything.

I've already had several cups of coffee baby,

But why do I still feel like I am in a dream?

If my friend saw me, he would've cursed at me,

I'm not used to being like this or saying this.

But in front of you,

It's like I was never like that.

You're Unfair~

Are you being selfish?

Stop it~

Your eyes, your nose, your lips,

Are they still going to be pretty no matter how much I look?

You're Unfair~

Just stop right there,

You're dangerous, dangerous, take it slow,

Oh my~...'

I continued to hum the song as I walked to my classroom.

As I was almost there, out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone heading towards me. Thinking that they were going towards someone behind me, I continued to walk.

As I approached the front of the door, I was stopped. I looked up to see Jin. Oh, I forgot he was in this class with me.

I tried to walk past him but he grabbed on to me. I glanced at him to see him motioning for me to take out my earphones. I did and he smiled at me.

"Hyun-Ae, right?" he said. I nodded.

"Sorry I didn't introduce myself yesterday when we ran into each other. You seemed like you were in a rush," he stated while smiling at me. Yesterday? Yest-oh...that is right. I ran into him...aish...you stupid girl...I quickly bowed towards him.

"S-Sorry about that," I responded.

"It's ok. It looked like you had a lot on your mind. Now let me officially introduce myself. My name is Jin. Kim Seok Jin," he said while holding out his hand. I carefully grabbed his and he shook our hands up and down.

"N-nice to meet you," I whispered. After he finished shaking our hands, I quickly let go, embarrassed.

"So..." he started. I glanced up at him. "Is it ok if I sit by you? I don't know anyone else in this class and I was hoping that since I know you..." he trailed off, looking at me. Ok, hold up a second...processing...processing...processing...ok done. What! He wants to sit by me? Um...no.

"U-um...I-"

"You can't stop me even if you say no," he asserted. Wait, what? "I have the right to sit where I want so, wherever you sit, whether you like it or not, I am sitting next to you~" he said walking into the classroom. I heard screaming as he walked inside. Excuse...me...sir...I think not!

I peeked into the room to see him standing there, waiting for me to sit down. Aish...I mentally cursed in my head. I quickly got inside and tried to find a seat between two people but to no such luck, even if one person was on my side he would still sit next to me.

Giving up, I took a seat in the back where there weren't many people and sure enough he followed me back there. I sat down and he took the seat next to me.

"Told you~" he said. I looked at him to see him smiling at me. I also noticed that his 'fans' were glaring at me. I started to sink in my seat. Why me?!?

Suddenly the teacher walked in, starting the class. He lectured on segregation before the Civil War and I found it fascinating. Crazy as I was, I liked school. Eww, saying it out loud makes me sound like a nerd.

I was taking notes when suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jin moving closer to me. In response, I moved away. What does he want?

I looked over at him to see him staring at me.

"W-what?" I asked him. He didn't answer me, but instead just continued to stare. I-is there something on my face?

I turned away from him and started searching for things on my face. No, nothing there...here?...no...

I looked at him again and this time he was looking back at the lecture. M-maybe he just spaced out in my direction or something? Y-yeah that is it.

I went back to the lecture. More than half-way through the class, I saw him starting to move towards me once again. I glanced over at him to see that he had fallen asleep. I quietly laughed. Wow, that boring?

Ignoring it, I continued to write notes when I suddenly felt something land on my shoulder. I looked to my side to see that his head was now resting on my right shoulder. I started to turn red.

I tried shaking my shoulder to wake him up, but to no avail.

"Y-yah," I whispered. "J-jin," he was not responding. I then thought of something.

I started to blow air in his face. I saw his face starting to twitch and his eyes starting to open. I continued to blow until I knew that he was fully awake.

I guess it is a good thing I sat in the back otherwise we would have gotten in trouble.

He then got up and stretched, yawing in the process.

"Did I fall asleep?" he asked me. I nodded at him. He then looked at me and realized what had happened. I saw that he started to get embarrassed as well as his face was a little red.

"Sorry," he whispered. I giggled quietly.

"It's ok, I figured that you must have been tired or you really don't like history," I responded. He laughed at that.

"Both, actually, but thank you for the use of your shoulder. I promise to try not to use it in future classes," he said.

"Ok~" I said. We both then went back to the lecture and class seemed to finish in the blink of an eye.

The teacher dismissed us for the day and I began to pack up my things. I started to get up out of my seat when I heard Jin say something.

"Hey, Hyun-Ae?" he asked. I turned around to look at him.

"A-are you doing anything after this?" he asked me. I shook my head no. He started to smile.

"Would you mind helping me with this class? I am falling behind and you seem like you know your stuff. Can you tutor me for a little bit today? I will buy you something to eat afterwards!" he said. His eyes were pleading me. I don't want to, but...I haven't eaten out in ages...hmm...free food or home...food...home...

"S-sure," I said. "We can go to the library, it is quiet there," I smiled at him. I saw him cheering with the biggest grin on his face. I couldn't help but smile at his reaction as we started down the stairs, out of the classroom.

We started to head to the library. When we walked out of the room, we were met with some kids tossing a ball back and forth on the grass.

We thought nothing of it until one of them screamed.

"Look out!" I turned around to see the football heading straight towards me. I lifted my arms up, bracing for impact, and closing my eyes, when I felt nothing hit me. Instead I felt arms around me.

I slowly opened my eyes to see Jin's face only inches from mine. I looked behind him to see the football on the ground, near his feet. Did...he just get hit by the ball...to protect me?

I glanced back up at him to see him staring at me, right in the eyes, not wavering his gaze. My heart started to beat like crazy and my face was turning red. What just happened and...

What is this that I am feeling?

[ohcalmdown]

6/22/19.

Stay || Slushii

i donated blood today. i have one of the rarer blood types, B neg. the only blood type rarer than mine is AB neg. it’s always best to donate regardless of how common or rare your blood type is.

giving B to B means one less bag of O neg/pos to be donated to that B neg/pos type person. O type is most common therefore it is the most in demand. so the less we use O type blood, the better hospitals are equipped with blood in case of trauma emergencies.

today, i learned about how OHSU is using these Terumo bags for O type blood to be transferred to their trauma center. i told the phlebotomist that it’s interesting to see everything come around full circle because i used to volunteer in the ED at OHSU. it was pretty humbling tbh.

it blew my mind that there is now an app that lets you know when your blood has been used. obviously it doesn’t tell you who the patient is but it lets you know in which state it has been used. i thought how MF brilliant because it gets people engaged.

i told my friend about it and now she wants to donate.

i’m going to be a blood ambassador mwahaha.

man, i’m really digging the life i got. it’s amazing what happens when you free fall. i learned something else about solitude when i was away from the city. Thich Nhat Hanh is a person that i really try to digest because their words are potent. when i feel myself reject something as stupid, i become curious as to why i do that... why i judge. i realize that oftentimes it’s because it’s a reflection of my own shortcomings and it’s hard to face, you know?

anyways, TNH said that solitude isn’t a place. it isn’t about escaping. it isn’t about alienating yourself. it’s about solidity. hard. grounding. stable. when you’re in a crowd, it’s about finding your ground within.

relationships are hard for me because a person often throws me off balance. it’s hard because life throws me off, then you have this person throwing you off, and i get overwhelmed with worry which makes me want to run away. i don’t know how to cope with this yet. i realize that i could be better at committing. i could be. but i haven’t met someone that i truly want to be committed to. i am so unimpressed lately. i don’t mean that in a condescending way... i just mean that i haven’t been moved. i don’t feel it. i feel a lot of things, but that? 

i don’t feel.

have i moved into a different level and not even noticed? hmph.

i’ll learn to stay.

[sleepymarmot]

Skyrim liveblog: Winterhold & magic mods

Winterhold

Ancano was bugged, and I had to setstage in the console... I can't believe the extra locked door is just a dumb activator for their quest...

Both of my highly skilled mage followers insist on using Sparks, the novice level spell, and nothing else in battle. Okay, installing J'Zargo the Magnificent deleted Sparks at least. Ceri heals my other followers but not me. Immersion breaking dumb dialogue and prayers to her Lord Dumbass all the time. More trouble than she's worth... Mzulft puzzle is just the worst... How was I even supposed to figure out that I needed to cast Frostbite and Flames on those lenses?!

I'm listening to the archmage's ghost and she starts another stupid song again, completely ruining the moment -_-

Mzulft: kill and loot everything, wander forever because I want to see how my followers would do instead of quickly killing things myself Labyrinthian: RUN FAST PACIFY EVERYTHING PUT ON DWARVEN HYPERION DON'T STOP

Equilibrium spell tome? Nice! Yay, finally Slow Time! Yo, the mask that gives shout cooldown reduction! But its color doesn't fit any of my sets :( Can't wear the archmage robes with Morokei :( Ah ok, there's a compatible hoodless version. But they don't look good together :( Well, at least the pretty garden is mine! Mwahaha! I didn't install any of the college improvement mods because they replace the garden, wtf would you do that

"I've been reading about some of the Daedric Princes in your mythology" WHAT "MYTHOLOGY" I'VE MET LIKE ALL OF THEM WHO WROTE THIS MOD

I want a mod to rebuild Winterhold now that I finished the questline. Ruins of Winterhold makes me think... The architecture of the college and the town itself doesn't match! Winterhold is a basic wooden village like many others, the college is made of stone. A giant stone wall in the college's style, like in the Ruins of Winterhold mod, looks fitting for a capital (see: Solitude, Windhelm), but clashes terribly with the rest of the town and raises the question: what were these shitty houses doing here in the first place? The collapse was only half a century ago; the remaining buildings should be sturdy.

Now that I'm an archmage, time to install some cool spell mods! I've ignored Spell Crafting all this time, but I looked at it again and it looks like a must-have, maybe even too op. My current creations:

Dawnguard Sunless Spell (since I don't know the sun damage cantrip yet):

Fire Damage

Health Damage

Magicka Damage

Heal Self

Kill & Soul Trap (for animals):

Damage Health x 3 (they stack, right?!)

Damage Stamina

Soul Trap

I also made a completely OP buff spell (courage, fortify health/magicka) and it costs nothing for some reason, and also ended up in the destruction category despite having no destruction. In fact, all of my spell ended up in destruction. And count as purely destruction spells for magicka cost reduction enchantments. So wearing my 1% destruction cost armor set, I can cast my illusion/restoration buff almost for free. This is completely game-breaking. Maybe because it's a scripted spell? What if I tried to make an engine one? Nah, I couldn't make it work at all. What a shame, I was really excited about this mod. I guess I should look into Fast Cast for combining several spells without cheating. Oh wait, Fast Cast and Smart Cast are two different mods...

Oh great. Apparently Spell Crafting and Smart Cast don't work together. Smart Cast only allows me to select my crafted spells - and not even all of them, only two. What the absolute hell... Hm, maybe the problem is in the load order? I have Spell Crafting and then Smart Cast. So maybe Spell Crafting overwrites some list of spells so Smart Cast can only access what it wrote? I remember someone saying that Smart Cast doesn't detect Spell Craft-ed spells, which must be what happens when it's loaded first. Let's swap them. Nope! Still detects only the custom spells from Spell Crafting.

Okay, I'm tired of this nonsense. Let's try Spell Research. I want to craft a Paralysis spell.

Alembic seems useless... But researching Expert level spells gives a lot of xp. Made Alteration, Fire & Forget, Aimed thesises, all Expert. Let's see if this works!

Nope. I guess one in-game day of studying doesn't allow you to craft a new spell! Lol.

Oh I know what I can do! Craft a set with fortify magicka, so that I can study more per day.

Wait, I don't have a fortify magicka enchantment?! How?!

Ah ok, I do but it can't be put into the body slot.

Okay, I have 624 magicka now. Nice.

Yooo, I've completed Paralyze!

I studied for so long that all plants in my little garden grew back! Love being an Arch-Mage! If only I could study that hard irl... :D

Okay, no more aimed expert alteration spells. But self-targeted expert alteration gave me Ebonyflesh! Nice.

Aaand that was the only self-targeted expert alteration spell.

Expert alteration aoe gave me Ash Rune. Umm... Maybe I shouldn't have imported DLC spells lol. I haven't even stepped onto Solstheim yet... Does this mod give Dawnguard sun spells even if you're not in the faction, too? I guess it makes sense...

Alright, let's furnish this place a bit! Added: storage for alchemy and crafting; anvil (fuck immersion! if the arch-mage wants to craft something in her quarters she should be able to!), spell crafting altar (even if I'm not on good terms with this mod lol).

"Pity I was unable to assist, but I was... otherwise occupied" Uh? What were you doing, Phinis Gestor?

Grimy Skill Expansion's spell weaving looks interesting, but it can only be installed with other modules, and one of them replaced my alchemy tree with its own :( Go away! Sure I can remove all of that in TES5Edit I guess, but I don't care about this mod enough to go through so much trouble.

Wait a sec! Smart Cast does detect spells which I'm holding while opening its MCM! Ah yes. On the third try, I notice: "To get some spells or weapons up and running with the mod you have to equip them to your character first, powers are supported but shouts are not." I should read mod descriptions more carefully...

Smart Cast: Invisibility & Muffle on stealth work, but Fast Healing on health threshold doesn't :(

From Spell Crafting forum thread: "Also, keep in mind that the alteration armor would only cut the cost of alteration sub-spell. The way it works, is the script calculates the effective cost of individual sub-spells, then add them together, and it takes away your magicka." Well why doesn't it work for me, then?!

[docandprof]

What to do?

Salutations from my desk!

Just as you are back home, and preparing to leave and venture down to see me, so too am I back home. However my “home” is not our nice little town, but my school. It feels weird to say I'm back home to others that know me from our hometown, but this place truly is my home now and I am so grateful that I chose to come here. But yeah I'm back from my wildly busy spring break. My week was pretty uneventful, so I apologize for the boring account of my trip that you haven't heard yet. I will try to make it up in the commenting portion of this post.

Last post we left off with me on a plane to Newark (does that not sound like an awesome cliffhanger?!) and that is where we will pick up this week. I landed in Newark and it was awesome to see the New York City skyline from the airport when I was in New Jersey and I desperately wanted to go into the city, but I promised my parents I wouldn't just to give them peace of mind. So I stayed in my room and watched MacBeth, which was my English homework for spring break. The best part was that I had a KING sized bed all to myself. Then the saddest part came next. I went down to the hotel restaurant and the hostess asked how she could help me and I replied, “Table for one, please”. I felt so weird at this restaurant surrounded by numerous people, all of them adults with some kind of alcoholic beverage, and then 12 year old looking me at a table eating a burger and fries with a glass of water watching a basketball game on the bar TV. It’s not that I'm afraid of those situations, but I just feel uncomfortable in them because I'm gonna be turning 20 this year (holy buckets that’s weird!) and I am an adult, but I feel like most people look at me like I'm some sort of kid in a grown up world. Just my internal conflicts I think about from time to time.

After my stay in Newark, I flew out to Orlando at 6 in the morning to meet my parents for our vacation. I loved getting to see my parents again, and it was nice to just relax for a week. But I wasn't really excited for anything. We usually just ended up sitting by the pool or in our room. My dad asked me what kind of vacation I would prefer. See, my dad would prefer to go up to a cottage in Wisconsin or Michigan and go fishing for a week, while my mom would want to do something like we did this week and stay in a huge hotel and sit by the pool and go shopping. Me, I'm kinda in the middle. I don't mind either, although i would prefer the fishing, but what I really look for in a vacation is adventure. I love the unknown and exploring and finding little places that are special to me. I think my preferred vacation would be a trip to Europe to explore the history of these places, especially somewhere like Italy due to its rich history and food.

And that was my spring break. I got back last night and unpacked and now it’s time to get back into the routine, and clean up for you and DJ. As for your response to last week’s question, i expected nothing less from you than a video game reference. And I'm glad because that’s you and that’s unique. As for me, it would have to be hanging out with Superman (of course) and probably just chilling in the Fortress of Solitude (haha another pun!) and sipping hot coco and having a snowball fight or playing hide-and-seek with him, even though he would have an advantage in them.

Well it sounds like you have had quite the emotional week. Lots of ups and downs. Sorry about the mentor position, I too feel myself wondering if I'm good enough to do all these things when there are plenty of other people that are way more qualified than me. Quite the change from high school when we did whatever we wanted and got everything handed to us. As for your lady compadre, congrats! You seem happy when you mention her and i think feeling like an 11 year old in a spelling bee competition is normal and even a good thing. It means that you have feelings and you care about this person. My situation is less prosperous though. There is this nice girl that I run into now and then, and she lives in my building, and we have talked, I just need to grow a pair and ask her out. I just never do it because my greatest fear is failure. I don't like to fail, I don't like letting others down, I don't like feeling like I'm not good enough. I know I used to have a confidence with girls that compelled me to ask them out, and it worked! I just lost it somewhere along the road and it is hard for me to get over that unknown of whether she will accept me or not. Maybe I'm just hooked up on somebody or something from the past that I wish i had a second chance at, if you are catching my drift.

Also, sorry to hear about your medical condition, and you will be in my prayers. And I really appreciate your recommendation for the week. I just need to find that thing to get lost in, that one thing that I can call mine and really dwell within. Maybe you will have some suggestions when I see you this week!! Which I am TOTALLY pumped for! I am super excited to be able to share my home with you guys and just introduce you to the people that are my friends here. I know that you will see what I see in them once you meet them. And you get to eat the food that I do, so now you will get fat like me. MWAHAHA!!!! So now for my question of the week: What are you most excited about for this trip, and seeing as you will respond to this after the trip, what was your favorite part of it? And my recommendation: get some sun because I realized that I am really white right now. Can’t wait to see you and our pal soon.

Until tomorrow,

The Doc