#the ID is just going to get worse :3
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I GOT IT TO PINTEREST also:
[ID: A Pinterest screenshot posted by ceres with the title "now it's on pintertest" [sic]. The Pinterest photo is a screenshot of a Snapchat image captioned "Holy fucking bingle it's on Snapchat". The Snapchat image is a screenshot of a Telegram message captioned "telegram moment", with an image attached. The Telegram image is a screenshot of a Discord message captioned "now it's on discord", with an image attached. The Discord image is a screenshot of a Reddit post shared to r/tumblr by u/SeedersPHD captioned "And back to reddit..." with an image attached. The Reddit image is a screenshot of a Youtube video by Lessons in Meme Culture titled "EA NASIR SELLS BAD COPPER" which is showing a screenshot of a Tumblr reblog by @/nyancrimew captioned "this is great two sentence horror actually", the Tumblr post being a screenshot of a r/twosentencehorror Reddit post reposted by the Twitter account Bad Two Sentence Horror @/bad2sentence that reads "I was relieved when I realized the only damage to the time machine was the wires. All I need to do now is find someone in Ancient Sumer to sell me some good quality copper." /End ID]
no way it's a reddit screenshot on twitter on tumblr on youtube now back on tumblr
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Imagine reading a new manga and joking about it being homoerotic and then it gets explicitly stated that one of the protags is gay
If I don't see any weird romance blossom between those two istg-
#AINT NO WAY I WENT 'OH TOXIC HORROR YAOI /J' AND THEN THE NARRATIVE SAID 'bet.'#oh if they dont eventually end up together ill lose it#i thought- i thought i was just too influenced by tumblr when i saw the vivisection scene and went 'haha gay sex /j' and then- and then???#i dont even care if they actually get together tbh#i just want them to keep being that weird#the entire situation is fun if you ignore the atrocities lack of morality and cannibalism#one day youre a 30 y/o high school teacher - the other youre a lab experiment on immortality and a househusband. and a murder accomplice#also congrats you just gain a pet monkey who hates the mad scientist that kidnapped your corpse and brought it back to life#EDIT: OH THEYRE SO IN LOVE THERES NO WAY-#problematic couple for the win#nobody deserve to deal with them so they should stick together#i cant stop laughing#toya wtf#edit 2: officially gay yay#edit 3: ITS AN UNHAPPY ENDING NUOOOOOHHH#sleeping dead#pretty sure i stumbled on the first chapter some years ago#anyway - my conclusion to this is: sometimes its good to read smth without having any clue on what its about - sometimes all you need is to#look at the volume cover and go 'eh. lets try it'#conclusion n2: indulge in dark stories from time to time. its good. not that id say sleeping dead is the darkest out there but that may be#just me-#theres def worse than that#ive made this post in my draft before posting - thats why there are already 'edit's
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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18
#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time#i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow#i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too#brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man#and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once#like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once#my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all#which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb#stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon#i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days#i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do#genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout#ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it#id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO#and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food#nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like#no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking#anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.
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WAIT!!! I just remembered something. Core memory unlocked but like-- slightly bad one. Is there long lasting damage to the stomach from being starved for long periods of time? I think my stomach got fucked cuz of that actually.
#aria rants#i was just listening to music and then sudden thought occurred to me like: ''whoa... wait a minute-- is my fucked up stomach a result#of the consequences of my actions in the past?'' it isnt as bad as it sounds-- i think-- but basically when i was still going to school#i REALLY DESPISED the school bathrooms. id go during the first year in elementary and HATED IT A LOT ever since so to make sure#i Very Rarely or Not Ever use it at all. id rarely eat. cuz my logic during then is: dont eat = dont need to drink water = no bathroom use#it was alright during elementary cuz school only lasted until 12 pm during then so i get to eat properly still (eat breakfast at home)#but it got worse during junior high. cuz id be going home in the afternoon around 3 pm? 4 pm? smth and yet-- i still continued to not eat#id eat only breakfast at home before going to school and never again unless i got Really hungry that id eat some snacks and proceed#to not drink anything at all. that continued on until senior high but its less bad cuz the bathroom in that school was Way Better#it was cleaner and less dirty so i didnt mind that one but i still refused to go anyway so id still rarely eat and drink#my mom would be packing foods for me to eat at school as a just in case i would eat em but i still didnt so id just eat those at home#the consequences of my actions haunts me even though years had gone by...
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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hella I'm out for a friend's bday and I typically don't visit restaurants like it's a whole thing w my friends how UNAWARE I am of shit. Anyways so I ordered a burger that I didn't know would have so fucking much added on it, this thing was HUGGEEEEE I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DIDNT WARN ME ABT THIS. I was chided by my friends for not requesting a burger with less on it, I DIDNT KNOW. so this burgers huge I don't know how to eat it I'm cutting it into pieces and it's falling apart and there's stuff I'm trying to pick off of it, it is a nightmare on my plate my friends are absolutely making fun of me with how I've just decimated this thing. and um. I wore my nice clothes today I can't lie it was my fit with my patched up jean jacket and pinwheel hat also I've got a mullet and my hair curls so ive been told i could he on stranger things. very silly of me. WELL I GUESS IT GOT ALL THE WAITRESSES ATTENTION. THEY WOULD COME OVER JUST TO SAY THEY REALLY LIKED MY OUTFIT AND IM HERE HUNCHED OVER MY PLATE I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. the waitress who took my plate was so nice abt it but I've suffered greatly today
CANT BELIEVE IM SEEING THIS SO LATE BUT THIS IS SOOOO FUNNY. you got beaten by a burger. do better
#im glad the waitresses were nice!!!!!! imo compliments from waitresses are the most authentic kind#it's like if a child says you're cool like you KNOW they're being dead fucking honest for better or worse#and waitressing you have soooo many interactions like it's such a socially draining job that anxiety tends to go out the window#even with introverted waitresses so odds are they were literally just saying it for no other reason than bc it's true#i had the reverse the other day i was in the toilets middle of my long as fuck shift trying to fix myself bc i just looked and felt grim#and this random customer came out and was like 'i love your eyeliner btw!' and i almost CRIEDDDDDD#bc id had an utter meltdown with my eyeliner that morning as well like it was NOT a good eyeliner day i fully rubbed it all off#and started again at one point which NEVER happens to me. so she said that and i was like girl do not do this to me rn 😭#anyway im getting off topic! glad ur outfit was bomb and that ur friends laughed at you for being unable to defeat a burger <3#ask
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol
#i understand that going by train is a novelty for her but i spend half of my motherfucking life on trains and i feel sick just getting on em#but im '20 not 80' so i have no right to prefer not to spend 5.5 to 7 fucking hours on a train (which will ALWAYS be longer than it says)#when i can split that journey in 2 instead because. AGAIN. ive been getting on longer train rides at least twice a week on average#(sometimes more) for the past 3 years and i KNOW FOR A FACT that i start losing my goddamn mind and getting overstimulated after 3-4 hours#and i KNOW its gonna be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me to go on a completely avoidable 7 hour long ride WITH HER SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME#and its not that we really MUST choose the cheapest option because the difference will be like 20 zł at best#what the fuck is that woman's problem#the fact that she cant understand that 7 hours of sitting motionless in a closed space with Other People is nightmarish for me#and i cant explain it to her because we keep playing this fucked up game where i pretend that im Normal and not Mentally Fucked Up#but i can only keep it going for so long before the symptoms of Not Being As Normal As We Both Hoped Id Be start to show#and i can only mask them for so long too and why is it so hard to split that fucking train ride#and then IM the evil one and a bitch when i tell her 'okay we'll do it your way' cause she Doesnt Deserve That Tone From Me#babygirl you deserve SO much worse from me particularly fuck this this trip is gonna be a nightmare#i want siblings so bad. i just want someone on my fucking team why am i always simultaneously the Stupid the Bad and the Crazy one here
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I think this is a pretty reasonable situation to cry in, right?
#ughhhhh#you know what becausd i hate myself (not really dw) this isnt gonna be a vaguepost#if youre reading the tags buckle the fuck up#so last week and the week before were spring break for me#and the week before was jjst full of studying and exam stress to the point where i couldnt attend my archery lessons#cause all i was doing at that time was either studying or feeling like shit for not studying#but when spring break hit actually THE VERY SECOND it arrived I had to go to another city about two hours away to visjt family#and guess what? I STAYED THERE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE ENTIRE SPRING FUCKING BREAK#so i couldnt even do most of the shit i wanted to#and even there i couldnt enjoy my time#why? because ALL I DID was study. my cousin tutors me and I was failing these 3 specific subjects#so she was helping me withtgem and she wouldnt leave me be#and when my (undiagnosed) adhd made me shit at focusing and my mind keot wantering and i kept looking away because i was understimulated#i got shouted at which was not very fun#whats worse is she did it in front of people. literally in public.#then we come back home THANKFULLY and she comes with us. because of course.#and now all my time all of it except for one or two hours of the day is just studying#the only free time i have is when she sleeps#and school. literally never in my life have i been happy to go to school and yet id rather be there than here.#but what choice do i really have#its either this or fail the exams#it gets worse. on thursday i was really tired from school. i came back and PASSED OUT#and by passed out I mean PASSED OUT#idk if it was cause it was hot outside or school just drained my energy but i could barely exist at that point#then my cousin finds me on the couch sweaty and basically dying#what does she do? she wakes me up like “alright time to study”#so yesterday i did charity work and it involved carrying a lot of heavy boxes and stuff so i naturally came back drained and tired and she#STILL WANTED ME TO STUDY so the second we got back I just slept and i was practically comatose so she coukdnt even wake me up#i slept for 11 hours and woke up to MORE STUDYING HURRAY and then at 5 i went to archery class and we got back at 8 and she WONT STOP#i just want to go home. im so tired. physically and mentally and emotionally. i just wanna go fucking home.
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man i want to make an animatic about my ocs so bad
#my post#the lore is stored in the tags#the wondrous oc tag#madineau#that would require knowing literally anything about the plot though#i could maybe make something with reworked october hills? rip peyton and rory and austin and grace they were cut for being irrelevant </3#mm but id need a good song and idk#i do have an animatic wip for madineau but i dont even know how that endssssssssssssssssssss#explodes and dies#guys i think im gonna kill off everin and not revive her. i think she just dies. i think it happens too late in the story to bring her back#itd drag on forever#and the others just have to live with that. they have to carry that.#but do they go home? i think they do they have no more stake in this kingdom#fucking. rip andoras though. oh poor guy hes all alone.#he wouldnt go with them. he hates the sib squad on evs behalf. oh nooooo but then he would just Get Worse :(#i mean he has A and B! so hes not totally alone. they can- they can be supportive and shit#maybe i can hint at them maybe. wanting to riseup against the new kings?#PERPETUATING THE CYCLE 💪💥💪🔥🔥‼️🔥💥💥💪💪💪#oh my god#did i just write the fucking ending for this#....#ive had this as a wip for three fucking years. did i just write the fucking ending. in the tags on a tumblr post#IVE BEEN DEBATING WITH MYSELF ON HOW TO END THIS SHIT FOR THREE YEARS#AND THIS IS HOW WE GET HERE??#FUCKIGN. I GUESS!!#ALL BECAUSE I WANTED TO ANIMATE?????
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Explaining vaccines to my antivaxx parent like they're 2 years old brb in a century
#“i got a flu shot once and for 3 days after i got really sick!!1!” its better than getting the whole ass flu or something worse and dying??#literally#thats the excuse?? you got it 1 time in your whole fuckin life and it made you sick for 3 days so now you'll never get a vaccine again???#well considering they unvaxxed me and i havent had my flu shot in years and the last time i got sick i was under 4 a fucking MONTH id say#they're necessary. i work at a gd pharmacy for fucks sake. i shouldn't be unvaccinated#she's starting shit abt the covid vaccine now#if my insurance covers it I'm getting the flu & covid shot i don't care I'm sick of this shit#also#the fact that my training had to very CLEARLY express that aborted babies weren't in vaccines bc of fucking idiots is wild 2 me#now we just need a sign that says “the covid shot is not the mark of the beast” for the rest of the idiots#also the fucking- the irony of ppl coming in to pick up prescription drugs and refusing vaccines bc they “don't know what's going in there”#is fuckin maddening#anyway#I'll brb#elliot rambles#mini rant#rant
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i hate being a hypochrondriac. genuinely.
#emil.rtf#wish healthcare was fucking free so id be able to like exist as is and if i worried smth was wrong i could go get it figured out#anyways im saying this here bc im sure my friends are tired of me saying how im worried i have smth#despite it being unlikely that i have it#all bc someone like... 3 months ago got it on campus (dont know who still) and a class i was in had to get tested#which is what fueled it in the first place#like im sure i would be worse if i actually had it. its smth that actually fucks you up. and yet. and Yet.#i show like 0 symptoms. what i am experiencing can be explained away. and yet.#sorry i just. im tired of freaking out over this
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screaming crying sobbing throwing up someone fed my art to ai :)
#im not taking it well and i think im getting worse so imma just go quietly to no posting and just mindless reblogging#and maybe just maybe i will somehow manage to go back to drawing that comic#i really want to but ugh the energy....#also im like 'wow i think im starting to finally like my art!' and then this guy sends me my ai generated art and its like#i just got kicked in my figurative balls while someone stabbed me with a fork and started twisting it like you do with spaghetti#im taking it worse than id like to admit tbh so yeah#might write a more elaborate post when i get myself together but tbh idk if i will because 1) who cares 2) nobody asked and#3) im perfectly aware im an oversharer oh and 4) whats the point its not like it will do anything except for causing more unnecessary drama#and boy there was so much drama in my life lately for example#me: quietly leaves a guild to avoid drama | guild: WHY DID YOU LEAVE TELL US NOW EYRIS WE THOUGHT WE WERE CHILL-#wow i guess i was in a tough spot if this bothers me so much huh...
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I am stressed :(
#IF YOU READ THESE TAGS DON'T SEND ME KOFI THINGS OR ANYTHING I JUST NEED TO VENT BEFORE I EXPLODE#(I do have stickers and stuff on redbubble tho)#my PC's bsods/crashes are worse (1 every week or so and sometimes 2 a day I've had 2 in the past 3 hours)#and I'm pretty sure the root issue is the RAM is bad#which means it has been this whole time because I no longer turn my PC off at the end of the day like I did before ~mid 2022#and I don't have $300 to buy new RAM#and idk if I can get a replacement 3 years after purchase#and even if I do I will have to open it up and pull the RAM out and have no PC for probably a few weeks#and having just my phone will absolutely fuck with me like it did when I first moved in this house#and I need 2 usb sticks to properly diagnose and possibly need to repair some corrupt windows files#which I haven't done before#And meanwhile my fucked up premolar is falling out of my jawbone and is loose and I keep bumping it and it doesn't hurt as much as it shoul#and I am near to an abscess at any given time because of it and I need to get more shots because I don't want to go#without updated vaccinations but also having a tooth removed and one or two more cavities filled is very expensive#and I don't have any income so I have $4.80 to my name#and I need to work from home because of anxiety and I can't do that while my PC is having issues#I got a bsod earlier and got in Minecraft to play a little and got a second BSOD after just 2 hours#they're RAM related (memory_management and faulty_hardware_corrupted_page#but I am worried about the side effects of this many#I can't find any suitable work anyway and I need a new photo ID and those are $50 and my weekly income from studies/surveys/etc is about#about that and I am already living on about $30 of food a week (frozen pizzas and party pies and stuff + liquid breakfasts so I get some#minerals and vitamins) and I would rather scrape by then sign up for social security because of the horrible draconian shit they put people#though just to keep a payment that is 1/4th minimum wage and not liveable in the slightest#(THE PIZZAS GIVE ME FAT PROTEIN CARBS FIBRE AND A LOT OF KJ they are efficient)#(I would love to cook)#(I budgeted out meal prepping and it came out to costing twice as much for the same food if I bought the cheapest ingredients)#( and also same amount of food I eat once a day (1/2 pizza or equiv ~300g/3000kj/700cal) and use chocolate to carry me through the middle)#(the chocolate also keeps me focused and my mood up)#every single BSOD massively spikes my anxiety and it locks me up and I just fret for a while and I am cautious about drawing because it#can happen at any time and I don't want to lose things I've worked hard on
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now that i know abt my blood sugar problems i'm thinking back to times as a kid (post-puberty cos it's from the pcos) and it's like ohh this may have been a problem for years. i used to throw up every time i drank an artificial cherry flavored drink and thinking back it wasn't actually every time and i'm guessing it may have been just that i rarely drank or ate things high in sugar so the few cherry-related incidents were hypoglycemia that i formed a false correlation around. i also get sick every time i take a plane ride, like almost immediately upon arriving at my destination or towards the end of the flight, and i think while some of it has just been genuinely being ill from my ass immune system it definitely could also be hypoglycemia from not sleeping or eating enough in advance of or when traveling. i also got into the habit of drinking something with ginger when nauseous which is usually ginger ale bc it's easier than brewing tes and while ginger does just generally help for nausea those bouts of random nausea could definitely be blood sugar and the soda would obviously help with that.
idk it's tough bc i only got tested for this once when i was 13, and they were mostly looking for thyroid problems and only incidentally tested for diabetes/insulin resistance markers, until my shit started getting bad around 17 and i finally got thorough testing. i also wonder if it was worse a year or so before the testing because i went on birth control the year before and with the PCOS being the main cause that could've helped with my blood sugar levels. i don't have enough data and what i do have i don't really know what it means other than that i probably will get diabetes if i don't actively try not to.
just looking back i started getting random spells of dizziness and nausea and hot flashes around age 11 with it progressively getting worse till i started dealing with it around 16 and i wonder if a lot of that illness wasn't from the underlying issue ive had the whole time. some of it was definitely hormones but i think i may have basically just been attributing it all to anything But hypoglycemia because the thought that i could have something as serious as diabetes wasn't even on my radar and i wasn't tracking anything in relation to when i was eating.
like diabetes is a slow process of the pancreas failing, right? i'm oversimplifying but like over time your body stops responding to and/or producing insulin properly. and mine already doesn't respond to insulin properly but just not to an extent where my body is fully incapable of producing and using insulin without external insulin pills/injections. and idk where that puts me in terms of am i or am i not diabetic and should i be dieting like a diabetic person and trying to manage my blood sugar like one or will that just make it worse.
#like obviously in the immediate moment it's just ok im gonna pass out and maybe die if I don't drink some juice rn. i will drink juice#but i keep feeling like i must be doing smth wrong because i just keep crashing more and more often#i don't THINK it's from the metformin i think it's that it's always happened and i just notice now#bc I've been seeing an endocrinologist and actually reporting and getting feedback on my symptoms#the same way i had super obvious PMDD but didn't put it together until i stopped having periods and the mood swings went away#but im still like what if im basically on this diabetes medication when im not supposed to be and it's making my blood sugar too low#even though i know it WAS too high before and it was gonna eventually give me diabetes#but i didn't crash as much#and it could also just be that whatever is wrong w me happens to be getting worse around the same time I'm starting treatment#cos I didn't have it until like a year into the meds and i haven't changed dosage or anything#and i know late teens early 20s are when lots of chronic illnesses start to show symptoms although diabetes skews older#idk. idkkkkk. it's really frustrating i just wanna know what's wrong with me and if what im doing is helping#and i have to keep just testing my blood every 3 months hoping i still look better on paper not knowing if shit is working#like idk i guess id rather deal with occasional hypoglycemia than risk going into a coma or blindness from t2#but this sucks rn and i wish i could go back to being healthy or at least not realizing i was sick
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why are glasses so expensiveeeee
#glad they do the 2 for 1 thing here bc I'll need a lab pair I can put in a safety goggle frame & and a general use pair#got my eyes tested and yeah my astigmatism is a lot worse LOL well it has been forever since i last had em checked#and i was wondering why looking at screens is so difficult and why my vision is sooo bad cycling at night i get crazy glare#well. one week til i can pick them up and then hopefully no more headaches and i wont get into any car accidents lmao#i mean my vision isnt THAT dire I can see fine without glasses just uncomfortable innit. esp if i have to focus#picked up my mail too so thats done... dont rly wanna leave the house again until climbing tn so im just gonna chill#also bought myself mouthwashing as a treat... it is my week off after all :3 i think im gonna watch a movie first tho so i can sort out#admin stuff and update my planner......and maybe journal a bit i have some shit I wanna work out#mildly annoying i wont be able to pin my roommate down to talk over the next few days bc im going out tn and tmr night#and we were gonna hang during the day bc she has time off work too but shes said she'll be too tired so she'll just be in her cave#and then idk if she did make plans for the weekend in the end but tbh if I cant talk to her abt shit beforehand I'll cancel for this time#I'm tired of every group social thing w her being tainted by this I just wanna have fun & not feel shit for being alienated for once#it was my friends birthday this week and id like to do smth nice w them but if we both go together ik she'll just upset me#unintentionally bc i havent been able to talk to her abt it yet. but still.#maybe ill just make separate plans w our friend then i dont wanna be an asshole to them bc i have a problem with someone else entirely#anyway. its not that deep just need to clear things up. fucking hell can my stomach stop COMPLAINING its not lunch yet!!!!#its okay. grrrrrrr. maybe if i have a snack itll calm down. i rly need another drs appt to bring up my physical issues but whatever#dealing w the depression is the priority hopefully my digestive system and menstrual cycle wont kill me in the meantime#okay thats my oversharing done for this thursday morning love u guys bye#.diaries
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