#the ‘9 on the Kinsey scale’ got me

[inawickedlittletown]

We've Got A Long Way To Go (BuckTommy) - 18/22

Summary: A few months after the break up, Buck picks up a call that changes everything. Tommy has his own regrets, and an unexpected meeting and a change in Buck's life will bring them together. Fix-it fic. Words: 2.8k Read on Ao3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17

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Chapter Eighteen

“So, therapy,” Buck said while he was turned away fixing two cups of tea. 

He’d been wanting to bring it up for a while, but every single time there was a distraction that wound up in him forgetting. There was just a lot going on and when he and Tommy actually got time to spend together on their own, Buck just wanted to bask in that. And of course moving had a lot to do with it too, but since it was all but done, Buck had had time to start looking for a therapist that focused on couples. He already had three that might be an option but he wanted to run that by Tommy. 

“You said you wanted us to do that,” Tommy said. 

“I still do,” Buck said, turning back and placing one cup in front of Tommy and keeping the other. “You realize we haven’t actually talked about anything since that night?” 

It had been about a month already and the last thing that Buck wanted was for them to fall back into old patterns. Not that things hadn’t come up. Tommy had opened up about his mom’s death and they’d sort of talked about how they saw their future. It was just that they had been content to just deal with all the other pressing things. 

Tommy grimaced a little as he nodded. “I figured we’d make time for all of that after you were settled into the house. I mean, we can talk right now?” 

Tommy looked towards the stairs. Lucas was asleep up there and likely to stay like that until the early hours of the morning. It was their last week at the loft. Most things had already been moved over. Buck was excited and nervous all at once to leave the place he’d called home for so long. But, it was definitely time. 

“Where to start,” Buck said. He rounded the island to take a seat next to Tommy. 

“There is one thing I haven’t brought up,” Tommy said. “I didn’t know if I should, but it bothered me then and I don’t want it to come up and bother me again.” 

“What is it?” Buck asked. 

His mind was trying to figure it out. Had he done something that Tommy didn’t like? Did he have some habit that was driving Tommy crazy? Was there something else? Tommy wrung his hands together. 

“Did you ever figure out where you lay on the Kinsey scale?”

It took Buck far longer than it should to remember what the Kinsey scale was and he could see a frown form on Tommy’s face. 

“Somewhere in the middle,” Buck said. “Does that matter? I mean, I’m with you.” 

“Not in particular,” Tommy said. “I guess it took me a long time to accept that I’m gay but you haven’t labeled yourself. At least, you’ve never told me if you did and it’s okay if you don’t. Lots of people don’t. Going from just dating women to dating me, outside of our first date I don’t know if you ever dealt with it.” 

Buck didn’t really understand what Tommy was getting at. Him realizing that he liked men — that he liked Tommy — had shifted his entire world. It hadn’t made him gay because there was no denying he still found women hot, but Buck hadn’t had to really think about it because all he wanted was Tommy. 

“I’m…I’m more than an ally,” Buck said just to break the tension. 

“Evan,” Tommy said, but he was laughing. 

“Look, I didn’t think it was important. I know I’m not straight and I know I’m not gay. Bisexual, I guess. There’s a different one too, right? Pansexual? How do you decide because they kinda sound like the same thing to me.” 

He hadn’t really researched it. It had felt overwhelming back when he first realized that men were an option for him. Scary in a way that reading up on a dead cowboy wasn’t. Of course that had all been tied into his attraction to Tommy. Still, when he’d given himself a bit of time to think he had definitely realized that there had been other men before Tommy that caught his attention. It was just that none of them had driven him crazy like Tommy or showed up at his apartment to kiss him and open up his eyes to everything he’d missed. Then, he and Tommy were together and it didn’t matter. He was already in a queer relationship and that mattered most of all. 

“Some people decide based on the flag,” Tommy said. “Some people just like to say they’re queer. Kinda an umbrella term. I guess my confusion came from how you dive into research about everything else, but you just didn’t do that with this.”

Buck shrugged his shoulders. “I honestly don’t know why I didn’t. Did I ever tell you my parents are teachers? It drove them crazy how bad I was at school.” 

“You?” Tommy asked, eyebrows raised.

“Yes. I couldn’t focus and I never cared. They didn’t really care either unless I was failing so I just made sure I passed and that was enough. They were advisors for a bunch of clubs, one of them was the GSA. One year there was this girl — this was when I was young, probably ten or so — and she had super religious parents. They kicked her out when they found out she had a girlfriend. My parents let her live with us for a week until her aunt could come get her.” 

“Wow, that’s decent of them.” 

Buck nodded. “It wasn’t always like that, but they helped a lot of kids that didn’t have that kind of acceptance at home. I think if there’s one positive thing they imparted on me it was acceptance and inclusion…just being open to all types of people. Weird, right, but that’s who they are. Not the best parents but—” Buck shrugged “—I never thought about anyone else’s labels. I don’t think I ever really thought that I could be anything but straight. And I don’t need to know anything else to accept who I am and who I love.”

Tommy was staring at him with a gentle look, a besotted look. “Evan, you are something else.” 

“Am I? Tommy, why were you worried about this?” 

Tommy took a breath and Buck reached over to grab his hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss his knuckles. He got a smile out of Tommy.

“Maybe I was jealous,” Tommy said. 

“Jealous?” 

“Of how easy this all was for you. You had one moment of doubt and then you just embraced it. Told your best friend. Your sister. I guess I was afraid that if it was so easy for you, it’d be easy to just forget about it too. Forget about—”

“You?” Buck asked, interrupting. 

Buck moved in closer, his hand turning Tommy’s face so he could look at him directly. 

“Who hurt you, Tommy? Who made you think that you don’t deserve to be loved?” 

-

Tommy closed his eyes. He wanted to pull back from Evan’s hold and to get away from the sad look that Evan was bestowing on him. He wanted to go back in time and not bring this up at all. 

“Evan, I—”

Evan’s hand slid over his jaw, his nails lightly scratching against the stubble until it just rested there, cradling Tommy’s face, thumb moving gently over his cheek. 

“I think by now you know how serious I am about us. I wish you’d brought this up before. I will never understand first hand how difficult it was for you to not be accepted or given the space to accept yourself. I never experienced that and maybe I will in some other way. Gerrard was probably the closest I got to it and he never really knew about me. It’s not like homophobia is dead. Who knows. I just know that you don’t have to fear me changing my mind about liking men. About loving you.” 

Tommy let his eyes close, he leaned into Evan’s hand and felt the whisper of a kiss on his eyelids and his nose and then his cheek, before Evan’s lips were on his, just a sweep of them but lingering. Sweet. Loving. 

He thought about Evan’s question. There was no easy answer there, and Tommy didn’t even think that he knew what the answer could be. Not fully. Because Evan was amazing and he was everything that Tommy had never thought he could ever find. Tommy hadn’t been able to trust that he would get to keep him because…because he was Tommy and he didn’t get good things. He got a mom that died too young, an alcoholic father who hated him, and a string of bad choices that made him act like an asshole. He got dates that ended badly and boyfriends that cheated on him or saw him as some sort of stepping stone.  

Slowly, he opened his eyes and met Evan’s. Warmth was there. Adoration. Evan was the best thing that could have ever happened to Tommy and he’d run once already. He wasn’t going to do that again. 

“Tommy, what is it?” Evan asked. 

“I’ve never had love like this, not since my mom,” Tommy said. “I didn’t think I deserved it or that anyone could ever care about me. Every single relationship I’ve ever had was either a lie or it just ended in some way or another because I couldn’t be what they wanted. Or I was good as a placeholder until something better came along. So it’s hard, Evan, but I know this is different. I know I love you. I know it would destroy me if this ever ended and I thought back then that I could run away from that heartbreak but I was in too deep already. I’m in too deep already.” 

Evan pulled him into a tight hug. Tommy leaned into it, his arms curling around Evan and breathing him in. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Evan said. “Maybe you need a reminder every once in a while, but I love you so much, Tommy, and all those people that didn’t love you right, it’s their loss. It’s not about deserving, even though you do. Come on, let’s move this to the couch.”

Evan let him go, but he grabbed his hand to tug him towards the living room. Evan kissed him again before he sat a little sideways with one leg up so that Tommy had space to fit himself there in Evan’s embrace. Tommy had always been the big spoon. He’d always been the one doing the holding. With Evan, at first it had been like that a bit. He had recognized the wonder in Evan’s eyes because with all the women he’d dated none of them had held him. Tommy hadn’t quite known how good it was until Evan prompted it. The safety of it, the feeling of being cherished. None of the guys he’d ever been with had ever offered Tommy that. Evan did.

He slid into the space Evan had left for him, lying right onto Evan’s chest. Evan was warm and comfortable and he smelled amazing. Tommy almost expected Evan to push Tommy to keep talking about his feelings, but maybe he also just knew that Tommy couldn’t and that he’d already said everything he could. 

“Can I tell you something really weird?” Evan asked. 

“Hmmm.” 

“I think I had a crush on Connor.” 

Tommy had to lift his head off of Evan’s chest to look at him. “What?” 

Evan nodded and his hand absently moved up and down on Tommy’s back. “Yeah. I told you I met him when I was in Peru, right? So I was bartending at this resort and Connor was there with his friends for a week. We got talking a bit and I don’t know how much longer I would have stayed there anyway, but when he mentioned LA and needing another roommate I went for it. I mean who does that? But he was nice and I liked his smile.”

“No wonder you donated sperm when he asked,” Tommy said. 

Evan’s hand paused. “I don’t think it was related, but when he called after all that time I was really happy to hear from him.” 

Tommy kissed Evan’s clavicle. “Well I for one am glad he didn’t notice all the flirting you probably did and show some interest.” 

“I don’t think anyone else could have made me really come to terms with it, Tommy,” Evan said. 

“Do you really believe that?” 

Evan’s hand resumed its movements but went up to Tommy’s neck and his fingers wound up at the hair at the nape of his neck. It felt amazing. 

“I’ve known a lot of hot men, Tommy. The ranch hands. Some firefighters. Lifeguards. When I think back, I’ve checked out a lot of asses.” 

Tommy shook with laughter and Evan joined him. 

“I thought,” Evan said, still laughing a little, “I thought everyone was like me.” 

“No one is like you,” Tommy said, a little more soberly. 

“You, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Once I knew Athena and Bobby were safe it was like all I could think about was you and then there was Eddie just hogging up all of your time and talking about it constantly.”

“He’s like the straightest guy I know,” Tommy said, but paused, not sure if he wanted to ask. But he should be able to voice anything to Evan without judgement. “Did you ever check out Eddie’s ass?” 

That sent Evan back into laughter. Tommy kissed his neck, lifted himself up to meet his eyes and Evan brought him closer into a quick kiss. Tommy laid back down after. 

“More like his abs,” Evan said, thoughtfully. “First time I met him he was changing. Chim and Hen checked him out too, so my whole thing about hot people just being admired by all genders kinda held, you know? I know he’s attractive, but I kinda hated him when I met him so I didn’t really notice other than to compare myself and think I was lacking.” 

Tommy realized, then, he’d never heard from either Eddie or Evan about how they had become friends. He’d just assumed that it happened due to the job and being in close quarters all the time. 

“You didn’t like him?”

“He just irked me,” Evan said. “His confidence for the job and just how quick everyone was to let him do things even though he was the probie.”

“So you were jealous,” Tommy said. “I’m sensing a theme.” 

“I remember telling you I can get pretty jealous,” Evan said. “I guess I was. I was also deep in denial about Abby leaving me. He got the brunt of it. After we got over it we just became friends. Brothers. I’ve never thought of Eddie in that way. Ever. Like you said, straightest guy ever.” 

Tommy chuckled. He felt Evan drop a kiss to the top of his head. He didn’t miss the comment about Abby, but it wasn’t the time to talk about her. 

“But, wait, did you check out Eddie’s ass?” 

“We have established that he’s attractive,” Tommy said. 

“So that’s a yes.” 

“For the purposes of Eddie keeping his ankles I’m neither confirming or denying,” Tommy said. “I hear you get pretty jealous.” 

“I guess he’s lucky he’s in Texas right now.” 

Tommy had eyes so he had definitely noticed that Eddie was attractive. You’d be blind not to see it. He also hadn’t wanted anything to do with Eddie in that way, not even when Eddie reached out right after the cruise rescue to hang out and Tommy had thought for the slightest moment that Eddie was asking him out. 

Evan though…he’d been interested right away but he hadn’t been able to tell if Evan was into men, not until he was flirting with Tommy during the tour of Harbor station. It had made Tommy so hopeful, but he had never once expected it to become this. He was so glad that it did. 

They settled into the silence, Tommy listening to the beat of Evan’s heart and Evan’s hand in his hair. They hadn’t really had any moments to really just be with each other like this in a while. Tommy wanted to stay in the moment forever, the peace of it a blanket that he could burrow in. He did realize that part of it came from their conversation and not just the closeness. Intimacy and opening up like they had all night, it was all connected. He wanted to know all of Evan, even the darkest little things and for that to happen he would need to open up too and let it all out. He thought that he was ready for it.

[thoughtsofadame]

I saw a book written by a woman about her experience beating her Lesbianism and becoming straight and it set me off on a tirade about how it doesn't work like that and either A.) shes miserable pretending to be straight or B.) She was bisexual and just leaned more towards women and then found a man she liked and decided she had defeated her sexuality and you can too.

I started describing the Kinsey scale to my cousin and said I would be a 1, but then I looked it up and started at 0 but I realized that yeah maybe I was still a 1. Like it occurred to me right then that I perhaps wasn't straight. I'd rank myself at more of 2 or 3 now that I've had like 8 or 9 years to really process it but yeah I got so mad at someone claiming that they were cured of being gay that I realized I was queer.

I’m actually kind of curious about this. I think that those are the main 7 ways, but lmk if there are any others.

You know the drill, reblog for a larger sample size please

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[sagestupidity]

Upcoming long-ass post ahead. Warning you now. It goes deep and it is long. There is a lot of personal information, but I wanted to get it out there for pride month. There is a tl;dr at the end. If tumblr mobile allowed for a page break like the old days, I'd use it now

Tw: homophobia, religious bigotry, sexuality, biphobia

I remember the first time I heard about homosexuality. I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, at daycare, in a tree house with 2 other kids my age. They had just learned a new word and were throwing it around every other sentence that day. Lesbian. "What, are you a lesbian?", "so and so is a lesbian hahaha" "only a lesbian would say something like that". I had no idea what this word meant, I was a sheltered 8 or 9 year old. These daycare friends explained what it meant. "It's when girls like other girls, like boyfriend and girlfriend, but they're both girls". For a half second, my world was rocked. I had no idea that was something someone could do. That was a option? 🎆. Before I could even think about it further, the next sentence came out of their mouth "that's so gross, right?". Well shit, they were explaining it to me, they must have been the expert. "Yeah, that's so gross". I couldn't possibly be a lesbian, I'm not gross, I'm Megan, I like bubble baths and art and fairytale stories of princes and princesses. I'm not gross, and therefore definitely not a lesbian.

When I got a bit older about ages 10-12, my parent's signed me up for a week of vacation Bible school out in Pine Idaho every summer. For most of those summers, I went with my mom's boss's granddaughter who was about my age. Her name was Alex. She was super cool and a nice friend. Very much a typical tom boy. Had a bionicle collection, wore a lot of sporty clothes, even got some of her clothes from the boy section. I was sooo jealous of how cool Alex was. But whenever I was shopping with my mom, and tried to pick out less feminine items, I'd get lectured "that's for boys Megan, you can't have that, it's weird that you like this, Megan". no matter how much I liked it, how much I thought about how Alex was allowed to branch out like that. Why couldn't I?

From then to grade 7, I was in my femme bubble. I wore a ton of pink, because I looked up to Elle Woods from legally blonde. I'd have an occasional crush on the class emo. Loving long hair and eyeliner on guys, but otherwise despising everyone else in middle school because i was getting bullied mercilessly. I reclused into books and movies, like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean

I was transfered to Idaho arts charter school. Where the girl to boy ratio was about 7 to 1. We had no sport program besides competitive dance. My family started going to a WELS lutheran church, and for a while, none of this conflicted. Little did I notice, that my church and my upbringing were compiling into some bad homophobia on my part. I was taught that gay people were against God and were going to hell. Gay people were "gross" after all. I was told by my own parents that if I *became* a lesbian, they'd drag me to the pastor's house and have an exorcism performed on me. The idea of even kissing a girl with romantic intent made my stomach flip and my chest hurt. That's just proof of how disgusting and wrong it is... right?

But being in a school dedicated to the performing arts eventually caught up with that. Sure there were gay kids at my school. Our main export was musical theater and dance. But I wasn't friends with any of them, so it was fine. Until someone from my friend group came out. For his privacy, I'll call him A, since I still know people that know him IRL. I had been friends with A for a while before he came out as gay. I wouldn't say we were close, but I'd say we were friends. When he did come out as gay, it was like a dumb homophobic light went out. A wasn't any different just because he was gay, he was still my friend, and nothing changed except my worldview.

Nothing.else.changed.

Whenever I brought A up when telling a story to my parents, they'd interrupt with "you mean the friend that's going to hell" as if that was his name and they were correcting me now that he was an out gay teen. I dug my heels in and became a gay ally for my friend, A. Delving into gay rights as a special interest.

By the time I was 16, I was approaching the next metaphorical hurdle. I noticed I didn't really have any crushes... on anyone. I had friends. I liked fictional characters from books and anime and the occasional celeb. I just thought I had high standards for boys I would date. But I couldn't like girls. What would that even look like? It was pre 2010. The only girls into girls I ever saw were on posters in boy's rooms, or straight girls kissing to get male attention. It took a lot of work to realize God didn't hate gay people and even more work to realize that that could apply to me too. I came out as bi to only my friends at age 17.

I graduated, went off to college. Got a dorm mate, who we will call M. M was also bi, and she had the experience to back it up, supposedly. More experience than me, who hadn't really dated anyone at all. M somehow forced me back in the closet. She insisted I wasn't bi because I had never dated or kissed or anything with a woman. I had just barely had my first kiss with anyone that summer. I was only "bicurious" because how could I possibly know until I finally had experience like she did. So I shrunk myself, and only saw boys, because they gave me attention. Girls only saw me as straight, because I wasn't bi, I was "bicurious".

It took a lot of work to bust out of the bi closet a second time.

I lived my life as a bi woman. Constantly changing my spot on the kinsey scale until these past 7 years or so. I made a realization.

I don't really like guys. I'd sleep with them. I appreciated the validation I felt when I did. But I didn't really like them.

So I juggled with the queer label. Because my sexuality was complicated. Sure, I'd sleep guys, didn't mean I was attracted to them, it's not like it meant anything.

Any time I tried on the lesbian label, I'd get yelled at by a lesbian for being biphobic. They'd say stuff like "lesbians don't like guys", "stop bring men into lesbianism" "lesbians don't want to sleep with guys". No amount of me explaining that I don't like men would convince them. So back to the queer label I went.

I got married to a woman in 2019. And was content with the queer label.

But this year, 2021-

I started reading The Lesbian Document™. Learning that my occasional crush on a male celeb didn't really count as attraction to men.(sorry Bo Burnham).

I made a bit of a realization. I knew I didn't really like men, I was just ok with the idea of sleeping with them. But the idea of being with men felt similar to binge drinking.

They were both

Easily accessible

Toxic

Dangerous/thrilling

Coping mechanisms for deeper issues

I realized I was using the idea of sex with men as self harm, and I should probably stop that.

To wrap up this whole long-ass biography- I'm coming out a third time.

My name is Megan.

I'm 28 years old.

My pronouns are she/they.

And I'm a lesbian.

tl;dr:

[luckyjak]

fic: like 80/20 on the kinsey scale

Summary: Modern/College AU. Caleb sleeps with Essek and panics about his sexuality. Is he gay? Bi? Straight with exceptions? Beau gets to be his Obi-Gay Kenobi. Jester is there to look hot and paint Caleb’s nails. A story about friendship and identity, mostly.

Ships: Shadowgast, hints of Widomauk, past Caleb/Astrid, hints of Beau/Jester, one line of Jester/Cali, one line of Jester/the Bright Queen

There was a knock on her door. “Beauregard.” Another knock. “Beauregard.” Another knock. “Beaur--”

She slammed the door open. “What, Caleb? It’s--” she beadily looked over at the alarm clock before groaning, her face in her hands. “9:30 in the morning, fuck.”

“Ja, I know. I’ve already gone to my 8 am class. I need your help.”

“Can it wait an hour?” Despite her words, she opened the door wider to let him in, knowing he’d follow her. She made a beeline to the tiny keurig on top of her dorm minifridge and set about making a cup of coffee. “Maybe two?”

“I was nice and let you sleep this long, all things considered. As my closest queer friend who isn’t currently in Japan, you are obligated to help me. Please help me.” He flopped down onto her bed, face down into her pillow, curling around it needfully. “I’m having a full-blown gay panic attack, Beau.”

She rolled her eyes and dug around her and Jester’s things, looking for a coffee cup. She finally pulled one out that wasn’t clean, but wasn’t as disgusting as some of the others. “For the last time, finding Molly hot doesn’t make you gay, it makes you human. His gender is a question mark and shouldn’t be counted. I find Molly hot and I’m a capital L lesbian, so--”

“I slept with Essek last night.” Caleb mumbled into the pillow, his face bright red from what little of it Beau could see.

Essek? Essek Essek Essek--who the fuck was Essek? She’d heard the name before, but she couldn’t place who it was. It did sound masculine, though. Maybe there was a point to Caleb’s panic after all. 

It was only as she went to open the mini-fridge to grab cream for her coffee that she glanced at Jester’s schedule (9 am MWF, Intro to Physics, Kryn/Thelyss, Roshana hall 311) that her eyes widened with realization.

“Hot boy? Hot boy from the group chat?” She screeched, turning to Caleb, her coffee abandoned. “Essek Thelyss, the hot TA you and Jester have been obsessed with all semester? The one in the wheelchair? The one even fucking Reani is talking about now? That Essek Thelyss? You fucked him?”

Caleb nodded, his head still buried in the pillow.

“Oh my god,” Beau jumped in bed with Caleb, tackling him briefly. She then sat up straight, leaning with her back against the wall. “Tell me everything. Wait. Not everything. I don’t want to hear about dicks touching. But everything else is fair game.”

Slowly Caleb grinned at her, coming out from behind the pillow. He checked his phone quickly before he scooched up so Beau wasn’t sitting on his legs anymore, leaning against the wall as well. “I’m glad you are taking this seriously, Beauregard.”

“Cut me some slack, dude, I just woke up,” she yawned to prove her point. “Start at the beginning.”

“I took him up on the tutoring session that he offers--”

“The ones you don’t need?”

“I need them, just--not as much as I pretend to,” Caleb checked his phone again before he rubbed the back of his head. “You are distracting me.”

“Sorry dude.”

“Anyway, I went to tutoring, and then we started talking, about life and not just about physics, and he asked if I wanted to go get a drink, and I thought, you know, Astrid dumped me a year ago, I haven’t dated anyone else ever in my life, I don’t even know if I’m gay, or bi, or straight but appreciative--”

They had spent a long time talking about that, actually--when Molly had been around, he had dragged whoever was nearby and willing to the university’s Gay-Straight Alliance meetings, which usually consisted of the Mighty Nein and one or two other friends, like Cali and Shakaste. Molly was real good at making them talk about gay stuff, like identity and labels and experimenting, stuff like that. It helped that most of them were queer in some way: Fjord and Nott were mostly straight but good allies, Caduecus was asexual, Yasha, Jester, and Molly were all bi, Beau was a big ol’ lesbian, and Caleb?

Caleb was a question mark. He had, in his own words, only ever dated Astrid in his small podunk town in Zemni Fields, and so didn’t really know what label, if any, applied to him. He had admitted to the group that he found some men attractive, and Molly had argued that that was enough to be bi, but Caleb had hesitated.

...Man, she missed Molly. Stupid fucker had to go and move to fucking Japan in an area with shitty internet service, and thus, sometimes felt like he might as well be dead to them.

“--But I thought, one drink wouldn’t hurt, right?” He sat up on the bed, looking at Beau with a mischievous look on his face. “I must confess, we did not end up getting drinks, Beauregard.”

“Oh?” Beau grinned at him. “What did you end up doing instead, Caleb?” she teased.

“We made out in his car for an hour,” Caleb’s face was as red as his hair, but he didn’t seem embarrassed or ashamed. In fact, there was a sort of confident smugness to Caleb as he told his story, like he was proud of his little tryst. “Then he invited me to his apartment, where I had a panic attack in his bathroom. After he managed to get me to calm down, we proceeded to have the best sex of my entire life--”

She held her fist out, which he bumped gingerly.

“And when I woke up in his bed this morning, I had another panic attack, left him a note with my phone number, and snuck out before he got up. Went to my 8 am class, didn’t hear a single word Professor Wacco said all hour, and then I came here,” he pulled his phone out, checking it anxiously. “And he still hasn’t texted me, and I want him to text me, and I don’t know what any of this means, and I need your help.”

“Help me Obi-Gay Kenobi, I’m your only help?”

“I still haven’t seen Star Wars, but I know enough to know that was a reference.”

“We’re gonna have to fix that one day. Alright,” she refocused her legs in the crisscross, reaching over and snatching Caleb’s phone out of his hands. “First things first, you gotta stop checking this. Dude is teaching Jester’s class right now, so he’s probably not on his phone. Hell, he may not have even seen your note yet, depending on how rushed he felt he was in the morning. I know I don’t always notice booty notes until way later, and he might be the same way.”

She put Caleb’s phone in her pocket, which he immediately protested. “Beau--”

“As soon as it vibrates I’ll hand it over dude, but you’ve got to calm down. Let’s figure you out first and then we can figure out Pretty Boy later.”

“Hot boy,” Caleb mumbled, but didn’t argue. 

“Whatever. Second, and I hate asking this because I really want to know nothing about how dudes have sex with each other, but was it like, hand jobs or blow jobs or--”

“His cock was in my ass, Beau,” Ah, the red on his face was from embarrassment, okay. “And it was amazing, and I’ve never come that hard before ever, and I’m re-evaluating my entire life because of it.”

“First off, props to you for bottoming for your first ever gay experience,” she held her fist out again for him to bump, which he did. “As a fellow bottom I’d like to welcome you to our ranks, we are a proud and noble people, etcetera etcetera.”

He put his head in a pillow. “Beauregard.”

“Second, you never do anything half-way, do you? Couldn’t you have, like, I don’t know, watched gay porn for a bit before you decided to try anal with your TA?”

Caleb shook his head. “I don’t like porn. It’s--I find it vulgar. And demeaning towards women. And I’m afraid I’m going to get a computer virus. I’d rather read.” His face was still red, but at least he’d lowered the pillow. 

“Your smut club with Jester.”

“It’s not a smut clu--well, I guess it sort of is because Jester picks out all the books, but it was always meant to be more than smut books!” He held the pillow close to his chest like he might his cat.

Beau ignored him, holding three fingers out in front of his face. “Third, remember what Molly said about how labels are meaningless unless you want them to mean something? That’s still true. You don’t have to be gay or straight or bi unless you want to.”

He turned his head, looking away from Beau and instead at the messy desk/kitchen area of her joint dorm room with Jester. 

“I think I am gay, though,” he said quietly, still not looking at her. “I--I really enjoyed myself last night. If that’s how sex with men usually is then that’s what I want. I don’t want to have sex with women, I don’t think. Not unless it’s the right woman.” He groaned into her pillow, pulling his brown hoodie over his head so that it covered his eyes. “Which makes me bi.”

“It’s the Kinsey scale,” Beau leaned back and grinned. “100 is attracted to men, 0 is attracted to women. Where do you fall?”

“Like, 80/20?” He pulled his hoodie back again. “I loved Astrid, but I feel if what happened with Essek is what sex with men feels like, then my attraction to her was the exception, not the rule.” He groaned and lowered his head again. “But what if Essek is the exception instead? What if I don’t actually like men but I like this man. Sheisse, this is so hard. I never worried about this back in Zemni Fields. Don’t--don’t most people figure this out earlier?”

She squeezed his shoulder in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. “Look, dude, it’s fine. You can be an 80/20 bi. Or you can be a 50/50 bi. Or you can call yourself gay, or queer, or any other label you’d like. And if you end up dating a woman, the gay police aren’t going to show up and take away your licence or anything. That’s not how it works.”

“It’s just confusing, I guess,” he flopped his head back, banging it against the wall slightly. “I always thought I had it figured out, and then it turns out I didn’t. I’m twenty four years old and I’m in graduate school, I should know what I am and what I want already. Most people figure this out when they are teenagers,” he bit his lip hesitantly, as Caleb often did when anxious. “When--when did you realize you liked women, Beau?”

“When I was like, 11. But it doesn’t even matter. So you are a late bloomer? Who gives a shit. This stuff is hard and complicated, and nobody has all the answers. So you just do you, man.”

He smiled at her, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. “Thanks, Beaur--”

There was a clicking noise at the door, and then Jester was home, swinging the door wide open and letting the sunshine in. “Good morning beautiful! It’s a beautiful morning outside and--oh! You are already awake!” She gasped, throwing her backpack at her desk with little care. “And Caleb’s here too!” She jumped on Beau’s bed, squeezing herself between Beau and Caleb. She wrapped her arms around Caleb with a tight squeeze. “Good morning Caleb!”

“...Good morning, Jester.”

“What are you doing here so early? Is everything okay?”

Before he could answer, Beau jumped in ahead. “Caleb slept with your TA last night and is experiencing his gay awakening.”

Caleb rolled his eyes as Jester gasped. “Thanks for outing me, Beau.”

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about it, dude, I’m sorry--”

“It’s fine,” he reached over and hugged Jester again. “I did sleep with Essek though.”

“Essek’s gay?” Jester flopped out of Caleb’s embrace into Beau’s lap. Beau started running her fingers through Jester’s hair out of habit. “Of course he is. He has well-manicured nails and a skincare routine. I should have known. Beau, why is my type apparently hot gay men?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you need to date more women, then.”

From where Jester couldn’t see, Caleb wiggled his eyebrows towards Jester and made a scissoring motion with his fingers; Beau threw a pillow at him.

“Maybe you’re right. Last girl I dated was Cali before she transferred. Still, congrats on being gay, Caleb. I always knew you were one of us.” Jester yawned and stretched, curling up like a cat in Beau’s lap. “I need to redo my nails.”

“I need Essek to text me,” Caleb groaned, tossing the pillow back at Beau. “He hasn’t texted, right?”

Beau pulled out the phone to double check, but there were no new messages. “Sorry, bud.”

“If it makes you feel better, he was like, super distracted during class. We ended up getting out early because Professor Kryn needed to talk to him, and you know she only gets involved when things are super bad. Apparently they caught some Dwendlian kids on campus? Whatever,” she leaned back and yawned against Beau. “Professor Kryn is so beautiful, you guys. I don’t know where she gets all of her clothes but they are all so gorgeous and she is so hot. I know she’s like a thousand or whatever but that woman can still hit it, like, any time she wants to--”

“Dwendlian kids?” Caleb asked, his brow wrinkled in confusion. “Like Beau and I?”

“Some other group, I think. Essek called them Scouragers or something? I wasn’t really listening; I was daydreaming that I was a moth and I got to eat some like, delicious curtains. Hey, do you think that’s a metaphor for anything? Anyway--”

Beau wasn’t listening: instead, she was watching Caleb. A lifetime ago, Caleb had been a Scourager, and it hadn’t ended well for him. It was part of why he was at Xhoraus now. Beau expected to see a bit of panic on Caleb’s part, but he mostly just looked relieved.

“Good,” he said, interrupting Jester’s train of thought. “They followed up on the lead we brought them.” 

Oh, right. The text message Jester found from the phone that had gotten left behind in the basement they cleaned out for Zorth. It had been written in Zemnian, so none of them could read it but Caleb, and he had insisted that they turn the phone in to Professor Kryn herself.

“We good, Caleb?”

“Better than before,” he breathed in deeply, then placed a hand on Jester’s knee. “Jester, would you like to paint my nails for me?”

“Sure! What color? I’ve got pink, and blue, oh, and Molly let me have this really cool purple color before he left, and red--”

“How about a rainbow?” He offered, studying his nails with quiet contemplation. “Like the flag.”

Jester gasped. “Caleb I love it,” she squealed, jumping off the bed to run to her dresser. “Oh my gosh, we have got to bring you to Pride this year, you will love it! Well, actually you might hate it because you hate crowds and stuff, but it’s super fun. Oh my gosh, I get to use this yellow nail polish! I never use yellow because Beau hates yellow but I gotta use it if I want to give accurate Pride nails. Which shade of red do you think?”

Beau wasn’t listening, because at that moment Caleb’s phone had vibrated.  It was Essek. Sorry I didn’t text sooner or see you off this morning--it’s been a hell of an eventful morning so far. I’d love to tell you more over coffee if you are free later? ;)

Caleb hadn’t noticed she pulled his phone out; instead, his attention and his arm were being held captive by Jester, who had started painting his thumb a glittery red. 

“Hey loverboy,” she teased, causing Caleb’s head to whip around towards her. “You better let Jester do well on your nails, because you’ve got a date later.” She waved his terrible old phone around the air.

The fact that Jester and Caleb let out an identical high pitched noise at the exact same time was going to be the highlight of her day. She could already tell.

[vvoodoo]

〔 GAVIN LEATHERWOOD, 21, CISMALE, 〕╰  WAYLAND KENNEDY  just  came  over  half - blood  hill .  you  know ,  the  child  of  NEMESIS  who  was  claimed four  years  ago ?  i’ve  heard  chiron  say  that  he  is  INTELLIGENT &  RESOURCEFUL ,  but  if  you  ask  the  aphrodite  kids ,  they’d  say  they’re  CUNNING &  VENGEFUL .  i’d  say  they  remind  me  of  a ��coin  toss  before  a  match  ,  vintage  leather  jackets,  old  vinyl  records  and  fingers  crossed  behind  backs  when  they’re  lying  especially  since  they’re  FOR THE NEW CABINS .  (  ✎  samuel ,  21 ,  he/him ,  gmt .  )

basics .

name :  wayland  kennedy. nicknames :  way,  w,  ken,  ken  doll. birth date :  april 15th 1999 . gender :  cisgender male . pronouns :  he/him . ethnicity :  native  american  /  european.   nationality :  american  citizenship. hometown :  born  in  colorado,  usa.   demigod abilities :  the  ability  to  make  difficult  decisions  quickly  in  battle,  vengeance sensitivity  and  superiority  and  loyalty  as  an  ally  in  battle.   cabin number & godly parent :  cabin  sixteen,  nemesis.   how did their godly parent meet their mortal parent? :  it  was  1998  and  wayland’s  father,  a  serial  adulterer,  decided  to  go  out  to  cheat  on  his  then  girlfriend.  he  met  a  mature  looking  woman  and  took  it  as  a  challenge  to  take  her  to  bed.  he  was  allergic  to  responsibility  but  loved  the  thrill  of  the  chase  and  when  a  child  was  dropped  on  his  doorstep  nine  months  later  with  nothing  but  an  address  (  to  camp  half  blood  ),  she  must’ve  thought  it  was  a  fitting  punishment.  not  only  did  he  have  to  admit  he  cheated  on  his  still  then  girlfriend,  but  now  he  had  a  kid  to  prove  it.  

muse  appearance .

faceclaim :  gavin  leatherwood . height :  5′9 ! hair colour :  dark  brown . eye colour :  brown . dominant hand :  right  -  handed. distinguishing features :  curly  hair  that  is  always  somewhat  out  of  place .  a  horizontal  scar  along  the  length  of  his  chin  from  when  he  split  it  open  in  a  practice  fight  at  fifteen,  another  scar  in  between  his  index  and  middle  finger  from  a  piranha  bite,  a  third  scar  under  the  right  side  of  his  jaw  from  the  battle  of  manhatten.  dress style :  he  likes  to  cuff  his  jeans  at  the  ankle  but  he  will  die  before  he  wears  skinny  jeans.  even  cuffs  his  shorts.  he  puts  pins  on  literally  everything  he  wears,  even  though  that  isn’t  practical.  there  are  pins  on  his  t-shirts,  on  his  dress  shirts,  on  his  jackets,  on  his  jeans.  he  will  never  be  seen  without  one.  fight  him.  also  loves  suspenders  hanging  down  at  his  waist  washed  out  crew  necks  because  that’s  basically  all  he  wears.  (  here’s  a  visual.  )  different  colours  of  the  same  shirt,  sometimes  with  a  graphic,  sometimes  without  a  graphic.  owns  approximately  two  (  2  )  flannels  because  they  had  graphics  on  the  back,  refuses  to  wear  any  other  kind.  lives  exclusively  in  converse.  

camp - related .

go - to  weapon : a  double  bladed  axe.   ambrosia :  distinctly  like  a  key  lime  pie.   favourite camp location :  north  woods.  he  loves  the  mystery  that  shrouds  them  and  he  loves  the  adventure  too.   their opinion of their godly parent :  wayland  is  actually  very  close  with  nemesis.  he  can  put  it  down  to  being  claimed  before  the  deal  was  struck,  and  the  fact  he  felt  that  was  somewhat  of  a  personal  victory.   age they were claimed : he  was  seventeen  ,  it  was  four  years  ago.    how they were claimed :  he  was  one  of  the  lucky  ones  that  got  to  be  claimed  prior  to  percy’s  deal.  he  has  a  more  generous  relationship  with  his  mother,  and  he  can  only  assume  it’s  due  to  making  the  best  of  a  bad  situation  when  it  comes  to  his  upbringing.  he  isn’t  at  all  phobic  or  allergic  to  responsibility  but  rather  formed  himself  into  the   stance on the new cabins : for  the  new  cabins / against  the  new  cabins / neutral . reason for their stance :  here  is  where  you’ll  explain  why  your  character  feels  the  way  they  do  about  the  new  cabins . their opinion on lyssa pentelute :  as  a  child  of  nemesis  himself,  he  thinks  she’s  spiting  herself  at  the  end  of  the  day.  he  knows  that  she  suffered  under  the  hands  of  a  mother  who  wouldn’t  claim  her,  but  would  claim  him,  and  while  he  resents  that  decision,  he  thinks  there  are  bigger  fish  to  fry.  their  world  was  almost  destroyed  by  disputes  burning  just  like  this  and  frankly,  he’s  in  no  hurry  to  charge  into  another  battle  of  manhattan.   quests :  yes,  he  hasn’t  made  a  habit  of  it,  but  he  does  enjoy  stretching  his  legs  and  his  talents  in  battle.   

personality .

positive traits :  intelligent,  resourceful,  loyal,  direct . negative traits :  cunning,  vengeful,  unforgiving,  taunting . mbti :  entj-a .  the  commander .   alignment :  lawful good . hogwarts house :  gryffindor .    kinsey scale :  kinsey 2. predominantly heterosexual,  but more than incidentally homosexual .  archetype :  “  the  innocent  child  ”  self  &  “  the  innocent  child  ”  persona .   what candle scent are they :  mahogany  teakwood . goals & desires :  being  known  for  victory,  keeping  the  peace  after  the  battle  of  manhattan,  maintaining  a  respectful  &  generous  relationship  with  his  godly  mother,  the  refining  of  his  skills  day  by  day .  also,  key  lime  pie .  always  pie .   fears :  realising  he’s  been  living  a  lie,  losing  the  respect  of  the  gods,  being  ex-communicated  by  camp  half -  blood,  questioning  whether  he  only  does  things  from  a  place  of  strategy  not  legitimacy .     hobbies :  he  plays  the  guitar,  not  well,  but  in  his  spare  time  he  likes  to  mess  around  with  the  few  chords  he’s  learnt.  also  a  very  amateur  dancer  to  the  music  he’s  always  listening  to.  (  he  really  should  be  more  alert  most  of  the  time,  he  needs  to  work  on  that.  )  he’d  love  to  get  into  piercing.  like  actual  piercing.  he’s  for  hire  if  you’re  willing  to  risk  the  infections.      habits :  he  fidgets  with  the  material  of  his  suspenders  when  nervous,  characteristically  pulls  them  up  and  over  himself  a  few  times  in  the  morning  while  getting  dressed,  before  letting  them  hang  at  his  waist  as  always.  will  never  be  seen  without  a  protein  bar  but  never  seems  to  actually  buy  them.  (  he  won’t  tell  anyone  how  they  materialise,  even  if  it’s  entirely  mundane  at  the  end  of  the  day.  )  once  shaved  a  slit  in  his  eyebrow  and  hated  it  so  much  he  now  subconsciously  rubs  over  the  area  that  was  shaved  when  stressed.  (  or  feeling  exposed.  )   

[lovelyhuntrcss]

Ro Intro

〔BARBIE FERREIRA, TWENTY, CIS FEMALE,〕╰ ROSÀLIA “RO” CARVALHO just came over half - blood hill . you know , the CHILD OF APHRODITE / HUNTER OF ARTEMIS who was claimed FOUR years ago ? i've heard chiron say that she is INTELLIGENT & RESOURCEFUL , but if you ask the aphrodite kids , they'd say they're SARCASTIC & CLOSED OFF. i'd say they remind me of finding ones self, leather jackets, silver combat books, self love, disappointed looks from parents, a confident smile , especially since they're FOR THE NEW CABINS .

basics .

name : Rosàlia Carvalho.

nicknames : Ro

birth date : April 14, 2000.

gender : female .

pronouns : she/her .

ethnicity : Brazilian

nationality : American

hometown : New York, New York

demigod abilities : .Eternal Youth, Archery expertise, enhanced physical prowess, zoolingualism

cabin number & godly parent : Cabin 8, since she is a hunter of Artemis, but her godly parent is Aphrodite.

how did their godly parent meet their mortal parent?

Raúl Carvalho was a Brazilian fashion designer from New York. He was in France, the city of Love, for an internship with some top of the line designer. There was a model there named Amorette, who was beautiful, and Raúl found himself enraptured. 9 months later, outside his New York City Apartment, was a baby girl, no note, nothing.

Family Life: (tw: mention of fat shaming)

- Ro is Raúl’s only child and his model, so because of this, he didn’t want her to be “poisoned” by child/teenage nonsense. She was home schooled her entire life, and rarely went out, besides things her dad dragged her too.

- he often made comments about her weight, telling her she needed to be thinner and tried to often make her go on diets so she could “look better”.

- She doesn’t like her dad, and hasn’t spoken to him since joining the hunters.

- She left her father after a monster attack during a small photo shoot. Apparently, the photographer was a saytr and brought her to camp.

- When anyone brings up her father, she gets angry and ignores the subject. Most people who know her know not to bring him up.

muse appearance .

faceclaim : Barbie Ferreira .

height : 5’6”

hair colour : dark brown .

eye colour : black.

dominant hand : she is ambidextrous.

distinguishing features : She has a tattoo of a dragon on her upper arm.

dress style : She dresses in a comfortable grunge fashion. Lots of flannels, jeans, and either converse of boots. She spent too much of her life all dressed up, that now she likes to tone it down.

Camp related

go - to weapon : Her Bow and Arrow.

ambrosia : like a good cup of coffee, her favorite drink in the world.

favourite camp location : the arena or the woods. She spends a lot of time at the arena but feels peaceful in the woods.

their opinion of their godly parent : Okay so she doesn’t really like Aphrodite. She doesn’t really know her mom, like she has never met her, and her dad rarely talked about her. She definetely doesn’t like the expectations that got placed on her because Aphrodite was her mother. Now she sees Artemis as kind of that big sister/ motherly role, and she really respects Artemis, and values her opinion.

age they were claimed : She was claimed when she was 16, a couple months after she arrived at camp. how they were claimed : it wasn’t anything fancy really. She had been at camp for a couple months, chilling in the Hermes cabin when it happened. If she was being honest she wished it hadn’t.

stance on the new cabins : she is for the new cabins.

reason for their stance : She doesn’t believe that anyone should ever be made to feel like they don’t belong.

their opinion on lyssa pentelute : A lot of curse words is the first thing that comes to mind. She doesn’t like her what so ever, and wishes she would just leave everyone alone.

quests : She has gone on 2, a quick and easy one about 10 months after arriving at camp, pre becoming a hunter, and one after.

personality .

positive traits : Intelligent, Cunning, Resourceful, Bold, Courageous, Funny

negative traits : Closed off, Untrusting, Argumentative, Aggressive, Sarcastic, Snarky

- Ro tries to use humor to cover her nerves and insecurities. She is loud and proud, but find that humor is better than facing the things she still does not love about herself.

- she is very closed off with people she doesn’t know, and is very skeptical of people’s intentions. She seems to be a completely different person once she is around her friends.

- most of her life people have expected her to be something she wasn’t. She tried so hard to be what they wanted but fell short each time. Now she doesn’t try to anymore. If you don’t like her, she could care less. She likes her and that’s all that matters to her.

mbti : isfp-t The Adventurer

alignment : chaotic good

hogwarts house : gryffindor

kinsey scale : X. She has no interest in any form of relationship, sexual or romantic, and she is good with that. .

archetype : persona: The Joker, self: The Hero.

what candle scent are they : watermelon lemonade

goals & desires : Ro desires to be the best hunter she can be. She also desires for her dad to accept her for who she is, and to love her even though she isn’t what he wanted.

fears : she fears being rejected from the hunters, she fears going back to what her life once. She is scared of loosing herself. .

hobbies : she enjoys practicing with her bow and arrow. She likes to read. She likes to hang out with the other hunters. When she is really bored she likes to go to the woods and just explore, getting lost is half the fun.

habits : Some of Ro’s habits are nail biting, she wears a black rubber ring that she messes with when nervous or bored, like a stress ball. She has a bad habit of talking with her mouth full.

Wanted connections

- someone who came to her for romance advice, before she joined the hunters. She gave them really horrible advice, and this person is still pissed at her for how it ended.

- old friends. People that she met at camp when she first arrived, and each time she returns she always makes sure to catch up with.

- annoyances. She gets annoyed very easily, and is likely to get pissed. These people know how to push her buttons.

- unwanted attention. Someone that just won’t leave her alone, who keeps trying to talk to her.

- Quest buddies - people who either went on her first or second quest with her.

- nightly strollers. Whenever she is at camp, she likes to walk the edge of the woods before going to bed. She always seems to be joined by this person, they don’t always talk, but she doesn’t mind their company.

- ride or die. Her best friends. She would literally die for these people. They don’t have to be hunters.

[apparentlynotreallyfinnish]

Do you have any advice on how to develop a long fic plot? Most of my ideas have little plot, and I have no idea how to come up with one. My simple ideas might be okay for a 2000 word fic, but not a 75,000 word one. My ideas are like Rhett and Link go to a fancy restaurant, or Rhett has a backache and Link massages him. They aren’t these big, multifaceted ideas that make a whole story like good writers (like you!) seem to have. I wish I could figure out how to get better at ideas and plotting.

Hello, lovely anon. I’m gonna describe my process plot planning Let Me Be Your Light. Maybe that will help you. :)

This became quite long, sorry…

It started with the idea of Rhett being a lighthouse keeper. That was the starting point. (I’m pretty sure I was heavily influenced by @its-mike-kapufty‘s tmoy fic that was posting around that time and wanted to do a grumpy Rhett.) I don’t remember if Link being a helicopter pilot was the first thing I thought for him but it was one of the firsts. I wanted them to meet intermittently so there would be plenty of pining (lol). I decided on a monthly meeting and figured a year would be a good timeline. So, originally the fic was supposed to be 12 chapters long. 

I started by doing some research on lighthouses and decided that it would be located on Canada. I did some weather research and figured that near St. Johns would be best fit for the mood of my story (or the mood I had in my head at that point). I actually found two islands names North and South Bird Island and made up a third one for Rhett. ^^

I did some research on the area’s flora and fauna and what kind of unusual weather they might have etc. Some of it is used in the story, most is not. I had about 4-ish pages of notes on Newfoundland after I was done with my research. (Side note, don’t get too caught up on this part. There’s always more stuff to research. You gotta stop at some point and actually plot plan/write.)

The grumpy Rhett premise kind of naturally lead to a ‘hate to love’ story but that’s something to decide. What excites you? What kind of fics do you love to read? What would you like to read but haven’t seen?

I wrote little character bios for Rhett and Link. Not sure if anyone cares but here they are (some stuff was added later after developing the plot):

Rhett: writer, phd in some scientific field, a marine biologist. Lives off of book money and writing scientific excerpts for magazines.  Was married. Wife died (was pregnant) when he was 33. They were in the car together. He has severe ptsd and survivors’ guilt. They’d been together since high school. Been alone for 8 years. Been at the light house for 6 years. A colleague helped him to rent it. The lighthouse itself is automated. He does do little maintenance stuff like clean the solar panels and change parts etc. Is probably like a 1-2 in Kinsey scale. So mostly straight but…  Being alone is kind of a punishment but also something he needs, because people and crowds freak him out. He was like that even before the crash, but it made it worse. Also, can’t deal with people anymore. Especially happy people. Is basically afraid of happiness.

Link: a helicopter pilot, the supply runs are a monthly sidegig. Usually flies a medical helicopter. Openly gay. Dating a lot, a few longer relationships but nothing really serious.  Always felt like something didn’t add up. Generally happy person with childlike wonder. Very impulsive and emotional. Open book. Often speaks before thinks. Has a lot of buddies but not many close friends. Always felt it was hard to feel connected with a person. Might be because was in a closet for a long time and always felt like he was lying to everyone around him. Has been out for 10ish years now. After he came out, kind of went to the other extreme and constantly threw his gayness in other people’s faces. Is still a bit like that but not so much. Loves flirting and getting a reaction, but really just wants everyone to be happy.

I would probably do this for other major character but didn’t have many in this fic. Stevie and Alex kind of sneaked their way in later. :D

I’m a visual planner so at this point I took a big sheet of paper and divided it into 12 section. I wrote the beginning (they meet for the first time) and the end (the proposal) in boxes 1 and 12. Then I added some bits: this is where they fight, this is where Link can’t come, this is when they have sex for the first time, this is where Rhett needs to go to the hospital etc. Then I looked at my researched and did some shuffling around to match the weather appropriately. The beginning month was purely decided on the fact that I had to have Link stay the night during the Nor'easters (storm) that are the worst between November and March. There were other stuff too, like when was the best time to see the icebergs. I went a bit crazy here and actually looked at weather history form 2017 (or 2018, not sure anymore) to get exact weather information for the dates. So while I was writing I knew exactly what the weather was like. :D

Little by little I added bits and pieces. This took a few days. I can’t really give advice how to exactly do this. I just think of stuff up and try it out. When I had something for every month I started to write.

I can’t have a too detailed plan. Usually I have a sentence or two per chapter; the main thing that needs to happen. Otherwise I won’t feel compelled to write. But this may be different for you. Some people need the detailed plan.

The plan changed a little when I started writing. After I wrote the first chapter I added the stones. At first I searched for a new stone every time I wrote a chapter but after like 4-5 chapters I made a plan and figured all the rest, so I had a list of those. The last few changed though when the whole ending changed.

I updated my chapter plan as I wrote. I write in order. Some people write the bits they are most excited about first but I could never do that, I’d never finish the boring parts after. I need the good stuff as a motivation to get over the writing lulls. 

I got @sass-and-panache as a beta after I had written the first chapter. She helped immensely with the plot planning. We brainstormed together when I felt stumped and she regularly reigned me in when I went OOC with my characters. Sometimes I get stuck on a tiny idea and refuse to realize it does not work in the story. She was very good in telling me when I did this. There were a few things we disagreed on, though. ;) And when that happened I just did what I wanted. (Because I’m stubborn AF.)

Gosh, this became obnoxiously long… Sorry. Not sure if there is anything useful here. Maybe I’ll try to bullet point a bit:

1. Think of a premise. A couple dynamic you want to explore or an interesting setting or maybe a certain kind of ending.

2. Do some research if you can. It might spark some plot points you wouldn’t have thought otherwise.

3. Get to know your characters.

4. Make a plot plan. Visual or written. Don’t consider it written in stone. It will change.

5. Write.

6. Talk to someone about your plot. Get a beta if you can/want.

7. Re-plan if necessary.

8. Write some more.

9. Get stuck researching puffins (oh, sorry, that’s just me…whoops!).

10. If something doesn’t seem to work, don’t be afraid to scrap it. I’ve written whole chapters again when I’ve realized they didn’t fit the story. (If you do this, save the scrapped bits on another document. Sometimes you can use parts later.)

11. Write some more.

12. Cry when it’s done.

13. Write a way too detailed description how you planned the fic that no one wants to read. Think about deleting it and replying something else. Be too lazy to do so.

I hope this helped. Or if it didn’t, I hope this amused you a bit.

[summerseachild]

Summersea’s GoT Season 4 Rewatch 2019

Otherwise known as: “The Long Slow Slide to D and D Running Out of Material from the Books”

4x01: 

1. The visuals of Ice getting melted down are SO PRETTY (while RoC plays on the background 😎 living my best Lannister Life over here.)

2. Jaime getting the sword and trying NOT to be Lord of Casterly Rock and HOLY SHIT TELLING TYWIN NO and getting away with it.

3. Tyrion is trying so hard to greet the Dornish politely... poor guy.

4. It’s pride month so I’m just pointing out that Oberyn is soooo biiiii and This Bi Girl loves him. And him playing with the flame and Ellaria trying to stop him from killing the Lannister who insulted him... I just love their dynamic.

5. Drogon is just a big happy dragon-Cat and in Dany’s first appearance of this season. He PURRS.

6. I love Jaime and Cersei’s scene with Jaime’s new hand. They snipe at each other, but it is SO how they interact.

7. Jon and Sansa reacting to Robb’s death :(

8. GUESS WHO DID NOT MISS JANOS SLYNT OR ALLISER THORNE AT ALL THATS RIGHT MEEEE. Also Alliser is Peter Knox in a Discovery of Witches so I just HATE HIS FACE.

9. TREAT THAT BOOK MORE CAREFULLY JOFFREY YOU LITTLE SHIT and treat your uncle more nicely too. Jaime looks a little taken aback at what a little turd his oldest has become, but handles it well I think.

10. Jaime and Brienne trying to sort out how to keep his vow to Catelyn 🤣

11. YES ARYA GET NEEDLE BACK. Also Sandor being like NO CHILD COME BACK HERE DO NOT RUSH INTO DANGER WITHOUT ME is precious.

12. Sandor Clegane saying FUCK THE KING gives me such satisfaction

13. I should not be so happy about Arya re-enacting the time when Polliver

14. But I am happy that Sandor got his chickens

4x02

1. So I had forgotten that the girls who were in the scene where Theon gets cut are Myranda and the girl Ramsay is hunting later. I remembered how much I hate the Myranda thing real quick, though.

2. I love Tyrion being understanding of Jaime’s disability because HE WOULD BE. Also Tyrion pouring wine on the table to be like “look spilling is no big deal” is PRECIOUS.

3. Bronn knocking Jaime around while sparring is a great source of joy to me.

4. Theon finds out that Robb is dead when he’s got a RAZOR TO RAMSAY’S THROAT I can’t with Alfie’s face.

5. Every time I see Joffrey chop that book in half I want the purple wedding to be right now.

6. Tyrion trying to make Shae leave :...(

7. KEEP AWAY FROM SHIREEN, RED WOMAN, said Davos probably a lot

8. Question: why don’t the direwolves being food BACK to the hungry humans? Especially when Bran can warg into them?

9. So I want to go through every frame of that vision Bran has with the weirwood because the one we haven’t seen before is a Dragons over King’s Landing. Those ARE THE ROOFS YOU SEE IN THE NEXT SHOT FOR THE WEDDING.

10. Haha oh right this IS the purple wedding ep ooops I’d almost forgot. Not sorry for wishing death on Joffrey but sorry for Cersei’s sake and everyone else it fucks over.

11. Loras having eye sex with Oberyn cracks me up I mean they both have eyes and good gaydar... (bi-dar? queer-dar?)

12. Is Margaery... flirting with Brienne? Or is that just Margaery’s personality?

13. JAIME’S FACE when he sees Brienne and Cersei talking is SO FUNNY he’s like shit shit shit DANGER

14. What did Qyburn DO for Cersei that she is recommending to other women? She told him symptoms were gone in a previous ep in a weird mysterious way... did he help her end a pregnancy?? How long has it BEEN since Blackwater? This never comes back again but I’m super curious. 

15. Oberyn has zero chill around Tywin and I love it.

16. Margaery looking like she is is going to murder someone during the war of the five Kings show is A Mood. (I mean... there IS about to be a murder.)

17. I don’t think the Tyrells planned it but Joffrey being a shit and making Tyrion touch his wine goblet and SANSA TOUCHING IT TOO played right into their hands.

4x03: oh brother here comes altar sex

1. I want very much for Hector Barbossa to be waiting at the top of that ladder for Sansa after approaching the ship and the creepy fog. But no it’s Petyr Baelish. Ew.

2. Hello new Tommen! Good to see you again after Karstark killed your identical cousin! Also Tywin being like GOOD KINGS ARE SMART AND LISTEN TO THEIR SMART ADVISORS. (That moment when a sitting US president needs to listen to Tywin. Scary?)

3. Altar sex has not aged well for me. I’m not a J/C shipper who thinks they’ve got a healthy relationship that’s all sunshine and kitties. I know the two of them have a messed up dynamic, but this scene misses the mark in so many ways and I hate it. I wish they would have left it out rather than done it wrong. (Also I think it was a tryout for me for “can you get a valonqar scene right?” And the answer was a resounding NO.)

4. Speaking of healthy relationships though Sam and Gilly are cute and sweet and awkward and everything that is good and pure in this world.

5. And so is Davos telling Shireen about his smuggling adventures.

6. Oberyn sat his beautiful self right in the middle of the Kinsey scale and said THE VIEW IS GREAT HERE. What an icon. Also offering Tywin fricking Lannister a seat on the bed where you were just having sex with like FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE was A Move.

7. Tywin TELLS OBERYN ABOUT DANY and Oberyn looks like this is the first he’s heard of it.

8. Tyrion saying goodbye to Pod gave me a decent sized lump in my throat.

9. Daario taking down the Champion Of Meereen with one thrown dagger and one slash of a sword is sexy as fuck and I don’t care who knows I think so.

4x04

1. Missandei teaching Grey Worm and just hanging out with him is so important to me this time around.

2. Jaime and Bronn are weird friends and I kind of love it.

3. The Kingslayer Brothers: coming soon to a stage near you. I’d buy that band’s shirt.

4. Olenna Tyrell is a STONE COLD LADY and I love that about her. She protected her granddaughter and I respect that.

5. That is A LOT OF WINE IN THAT GLASS Cersei my love. Also Jaime TRYING to convince her Tyrion didn’t do it hurts me. He loves them both so much, but they all hurt each other.

6. Ser Pounce is a big fluff like my Freya!

7. OATHKEEPER AND THE WHITE BOOK AND THE ARMOR. Brienne’s face is so pure when he gives it to her.

8. I had near forgotten all of this stuff at the wall with Olly and Jon and the cannibals and the mutineers at Craster’s and waiting for Mance’s army. (We know where my heart is though, don’t we...)

9. SIT DOWN LOCKE. I forgot that human shitstain showed up at the wall looking for Bran.

10. We didn’t need the mutineer plot. What did it add? What did we learn about the world or its people? Nothing we didn’t already know. What. Was. The. Point. We’d already seen the walkers and knew about the babies, we knew the world was violent and classist. WE KNEW.

11. I love when Summer is like HELLO BROTHER GHOST OH NO A TRAP

12. The white walker riding across the frozen lake... what a gorgeous image, and the ice henge...

13. WHAT DO THE BLUE EYED ICE BABIES GROW UP TO BEEEEE DO WE EVEN KNOW

4x05

1. I’d say long live King Tommen, but I’d cry.

2. Cersei is beauty she is grace she wants to punch Margaery in the face. (But actually is acting like she might need Margaery to help Tommen? That scene was hard to read.)

3. Meereen has a lot of cool geometrical carvings.

4. Dany thinking about what kind of ruler she wants to be and what responsibilities she has to the people she freed? THAT IS WHO SHE IS, D AND D YOU DICKS.

5. Sansa’s like “greeeeeaaaaat another creepy little kid” when she meets Robin.

6. And Lysa lets it ALL OUT about what Petyr has had her do... wow.

7. Cersei is going along with the Tyrell marriages way too easily what is her game.

8. Tywin is... almost treating his daughter like someone he can trust and have a conversation with? What is this?

9. And then there’s the stupidity about the mines running out. Wtf.

10. Arya is a little drama queen with saying the Hound’s name last while HE WAS LISTENING.

11. Lysa is SO DAMAGED. Poor Sansa.

12. Aw Brienne you don’t know what a loyal kid you’ve got in Podrick give him a chance.

13. Arya practicing water dancing is so cool.

14. Cersei and Oberyn talking is actually really interesting. And they talk about Myrcella :....( and Oberyn is TELLING THE TRUTH about her being happy.

15. Cersei got her A BOAT for her birthday because she LIKES THE OPEN WATER I had forgotten that and I am freaking out for fic reasons because of fics I haven’t written yet that involve Myrcella being good at boats.

16. Geez Pod I don’t know how to skin a rabbit but I know you need to before you cook it. And... does Brienne actually need help with that armor, or does she realize Pod needs to feel useful? I’m going with the second.

17. I had forgotten how creepy Jojen’s visions were.

18. Bran warging into Hodor and killing Locke is... problematic, but Bran had every reason to think Locke was going to kill him. Good fucking riddance.

19. Jon being happy to see Ghost XD

20. So... there’s just a troop of Crasters daughters out there still? Idek.

4x06 the laws of gods and men (and by men we mean Tywin)

1. Braavos is so pretty! I love her. I love her canals, I love the Titan, I love the domes, I just love her.

2. I remember when people lost their shit over Mark Gattis being in this episode. He is quite good here, and Davos is quite clever.

3. Salador’s joke about the red shirt is FUNNY and I’m not afraid to say so.

4. No one wants to see Ramsay having sex.

5. EVERYONE wants to see Yara giving a great speech.

6. She... ran from some dogs when she was burying her axe in dudes’ GUTS five seconds earlier? LAAAAAAME. Yes yes she also saw how fucked up in the head Theon was (more awards Alfie deserved and didn’t get), and she did want to lose any more people when he wasn’t willing to come but the way this was cut it reads like she was all OH NO DOGS which is the stupidest thing ever. 

7. NOOOO POOR GOATS. I get that dragons have to eat though...

8. I cannot believe Dany didn’t take the time to FIND OUT WHICH MEEREENESE WERE LESS TERRIBLE. They would have been fucking allies. BUT NO LET’S JUST CRUCIFY PEOPLE WITH NO IDEA OF THE NUANCES OF THE LOCAL SITUATION. What stupidity.

9. At least she’s trying to learn??? She’s so small on that throne in a huge room. What a great shot.

10. Oberyn is a bisexual who CANNOT SIT IN A CHAIR NORMALLY. I am not complaining.

11. I cannot see the scene of Jaime and Tyrion walking down into the courtroom for the trial without giggling at the memory of the outtake where they dance like dorks into the room and down the aisle.

12. Jaime looking at Tyrion like YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOURSELF is a mood.

13. How did they get the poison necklace? Didn’t Littlefinger throw it in the Blackwater FAR off shore? A bit AFTER he killed Dontos? How does Pycelle have it here? Maybe they washed up together? Maybe D and D forgot Petyr tossed it in the bay? WHO KNOWS???

14. Jaime trying to convince Tywin one last time and offering to leave the kingsguard in exchange for Tyrion HOLY SHIT I FORGOT HE DID THAT. Cersei never would have spoken to him again if he’d left her and married and gone back to the Rock and given Tywin what he wanted. Jaime KNEW he was screwing over a relationship that means SO MUCH TO HIM but it’s TYRION’S LIFE we’re talking about here. That’s how much he loves his little brother. 

15. Tywin is like DONE so fast Jaime barely gets the offer out lol

16. And it all would have worked if Shae hadn’t walked through those doors.

17. Do we know WHY Shae agreed to testify to this? What did Tywin offer her or threaten her with?

18. WHAT ARE YOU DOING LITTLE BRO WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS?! is Jaime’s face all the time this scene.

19. Tyrion’s “confession”is such a piece of acting wow Peter enjoy your Emmys.

4x07

1. Jeez Tyrion didn’t know Jaime COULDN’T save him. He had no idea that losing his hand had affected his abilities that badly. That... hurts.

2. Arya, Sandor, and the dying farmer is such a great scene... And Arya only killing that asshole only after Sandor learns his name for her so she knows the name of the man she’s killing.... A++ would watch again.

3. Everyone LISTEN TO JON he has seen things none of you have.

4. Tyrion finding out Bronn has been bought is so very upsetting but I love this scene.

5. But really though once Tywin named The Mountain champion, anyone who Tyrion asks to be his champion at this point he’s basically asking to die.

6. Dany’s like “well I guess fucking Daario isn’t going to cause a political disaster at least.”

7. I had forgotten how fascinating Selyse and Melisandre’s interactions are.

8. IS THAT SETTING UP BURNING SHIREEN FUCK THAT.

9. Dany is capable of nuanced thought when it comes to innocence and guilt of whole groups of people and WE JUST SAW IT with how Jorah changes her mind and I’m JUST SO ANGRY.

10. That is the only time we get the story of Sandor and the fire from his own mouth and I did not mean to be this moved.

11. Hot Pie talking about food (oh yeah and Arya) is so precious. And now I want steak and kidney pie. With gravy.

12. “Using honest feelings to do dishonest work is one of her greatest talents.” The truest thing Tyrion has ever said about Cersei.

13. What a great snow castle. Too bad Joffrey part 2 knocked it down.

14. Ew ew ew Petyr kissing Sansa is so skeevy and gross.

15. “A great deal might change between now and never” is a great line though.

16. I hate Petyr but it’s good he pushed Lysa out the Moon Door before she killed Sansa.

4x08

1. Jon and Co all reminding Sam that Gilly is a survivor is so great. Brotherhood at its best.

2. Missandei and Grey Worm are young people with old souls and their relationship is precious to me.

3. Alfie is SO GOOD at showing how deeply Ramsay has him under his control even when he’s alone with the Ironborn.

4. Petyr is part Braavosi? Fascinating.

5. Sansa TOLD the Lords of Vale who she was??? Her testimony is such a good bit of acting on Sansa’s part. It’s a lie hidden in a lot of truth, and she was QUICK to think it through and come up with it.

6. Jorah telling Dany about the pardon is a scene that breaks my heart. 💔 She is HARSH here but I love the full blown Targaryen on display.

7. Roose being like TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE like the Lion King cracks me up so hard.

8. I will never give Ramsay the Bolton name in anything I write as long as I am a fan of this show out of pure hatred. He is Ramsay Snow forever and always.

9. I remember I was so worried that they were going to have Petyr try to sexually assault Sansa. OH I WAS A SWEET SUMMER CHILD.

10. Arya laughing at the news of Lady Arryn’s Death is an immensely human reaction and I love that she just CANNOT STOP.

11. I know people hated that scene with Jaime and Tyrion talking about beetles but I have two takeaways: first, a septon tried to touch Jaime once???? Headcanon: Little Jaime looked that septon dead in the eye and said “my father wouldn’t like that” and it never happened again. The septon was summarily replaced. Second: Jaime has never thought about ANYTHING in his whole life as deeply as baby Tyrion thought about beetles.

12. Oberyn is so fun to watch fight and Jaime agrees with me.

13. You don’t need him to confess Oberyn really you don’t you GOT HIM my beautiful prince.

14. How did the Gods make their will known if BOTH champions killed each other dead, huh Tywin? (The Mountain is... less Dead?)

4x09

1. Sam mulling over the legalistic interpretation of their vows and Jon trying to explain what sex and love are like are both SO CUTE.

2. I love that everyone around that fire has heard the “Tormund fucked a bear” story and I’m kind of sorry Ygritte didn’t let him finish.

3. Maester Aemon revealing his Targaryen identity was lovely. Also Sam Cussing to get Gilly in the gate= AMAZING

4. Alliser Thorne ADMITTING HE WAS WRONG? I am dead of shock.

5. Sam and Pyp talking about fear and bravery is... so darling.

6. They have A GIANT RIDING A MAMMOTH and I will forgive a small amount of nonsense for giving me that image.

7. See Alliser looking at the horn blower like REALLY? IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF MY SPEECH? Before they realize it’s the horn at Castle Black is PRICELESS.

8. Speaking of which I may not like Alliser but he gives a good “let’s not die” speech.

9. Bless Grenn for getting Janos Slynt off the wall.

10. Pyp dying in Sam’s arms was not something I was ready for.

11. You’ve heard of horsepower... now get ready for MAMMOTH POWER (wildling used mammoth salesmen probably)

12. Sam remembering that being NICE to Olly when asking to go up the wall rather than just screaming at him is... telling.

13. Grenn is THE BEST KID AND I LOVE HIM

14. Ghost is going to EAT SOME WILDLINGS

15. Ygritte :...(

16. How is Tormund even ALIVE??? He’s like a frickin PIN CUSHION.

17. “They held the gate” is a line that will make me cry now. Grenn and co. Didn’t let that giant through :...(

3x10: back when D and D remembered the Children existed that one time

Also back when Jaime had a plan that didn’t end with ANY OF HIS FAMILY KILLING EACH OTHER BUT TYWIN ENDS UP DEAD ANYWAY WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS.

1. Jon deciding single-handedly that he’s going to KILL Mance Rayder. Boss move.

2. Oh FFS. Pull the stick out of your ass Stannis and let Mance be.

3. Qyburn is like “out of my way bitch I’m doing necromancy”

4. Cersei telling Tywin the truth to get out of Marrying Loras is... still... making my jaw drop and I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DO IT. And there’s ACTUAL EMOTION on Tywin’s face and EVERYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT PAYING SOME REAL FUCKING ATTENTION TO HIS FAMILY IS TRUE

5. Ah yes “Jaime writes his family’s dialogue” part one. I CHOOSE YOU OMG AND SEX IN THE LORD COMMANDER’S OFFICE I CANNOT BELIEVE WE GOT THAT. Even if I’m still on the fence about whether Jaime would be ok with doing it THERE I’m mostly on board because she JUST TOLD DAD THE TRUTH AND TOLD HIM HE WAS THE ONE SHE WANTED AND I DON’T KNOW WHO LET THE SHIPPERS WRITE THIS SCENE BUT YAY.

6. Dany is still learning all kinds of nuance... I feel like the year contract thing was an attempt to balance her need to be a liberator and the reality on the ground?

7. You are telling me that the Dany who was that upset at Drogon eating ONE child let him burn a WHOLE CITY? I call bullshit.

8. Also this is a CLASSIC example of “one sibling does something wrong and the other two get punished for it” poor Viserion and Rhaegal.

9. Maester Aemon knows how to give a mass eulogy.

10. MEANWHILE NORTH OF THE NORTH HI BRAN meet the hugest weirwood in Westeros AND SOME ICE ZOMBIES

11. POOR MEERA I FORGOT SHE HAD TO HELP JOJEN DIE

12. If the children can do that WHERE ARE THEY LATER

13. holy shit bloodraven is creepy

14. Arya and Brienne meeting :) so cute

15. And Sandor being like YOU ARE TOO NAIVE TO PROTECT HER is cute in its own way.

16. Wow Brienne and Sandor really knock the shit out of each other how are they still alive.

17. Sandor saying awful things to Arya to make it easier for her to kill him was tragic and you can see the desperation in his eyes even as he says the worst of it.

18. JAIME LANNISTER MAKES DECISIONS HE WILL REGRET LATER LIKE NOT GOING ALL OF THE WAY TO THE BOAT WITH TYRION

19. I Had forgotten how rough that last conversation between Tywin and Tyrion was and how devastating those performances are.

20. Varys being like oh fuck those bells I’m going too... prescient.

21. Love the music with Arya on the ship to Braavos!

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Sunday, July 21

Doyle sees the destruction in Angel's office: "Whoa, when they fight.." Cordy runs past him: "Oh, my God!" Doyle: "What?" Cordy: "She killed him! (Picks up a handful of dust) Oops! My bad. (Brushes off her hands) It's just dust I forgot to sweep under the rug." Doyle: "What, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Cordy: "Hey, don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a cleaning lady!"

~~I Will Remember You~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

in bloom (Jenny/Anya, Faith/Tara, G) by The_Eclectic_Bookworm

Familiar (Faith, crossover with My Chemical Romance bandom, G) by Arsenic

Stages (Giles, G) by sparrow2000

Trees (Willow/Reader, not rated) by Aaron

[Chaptered Fiction]

Ships in the Night (1/2) (somewhat Giles/Buffy, G) by the_huffster

You've Got Post, Chapters 1-6 (Buffy/Faith, not rated) by Hebisama

That fateful day, Chapters 1-11 (COMPLETE) (OptimusPrime/BuffySummers, Faith/Ironhide, crossover with Transformers, T) by OptimusStarLight

Take a Hint, Chapter 6 (Willow/Tara, K+) by Golden Waffles

Never the Same, Chapter 9 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by Wonder and Ashes

Breaking the Habit, Chapter 9 (Buffy/Spike, R) by all_choseny, Red_dragon

Letters From Home, Chapter 6 (Buffy/Spike, R) by all_choseny

Smoke in the mirror, Chapter 36 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Axell

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: 'A Perfectly Normal Saturday Night' (2019) (Giles) by youhavemyrespect

[Reviews & Recaps]

A Buffy rewatch 5x07 Fool For Love by ettadunham

[Community Announcements]

2019 August Fic-A-Day Challenge - Rule Post by Twisting the Hellmouth Short Fic Challenges

Sign up for Buffyverse Bingo! by electric_heart

Announcing I Will Remember You Marathon 2019 by iwillrememberyoumarathon

[Fandom Discussions]

Signal boost: call for judges for new Buffyverse fic awards! by thenewbuzwuzz

Evil = hot is just something we have to live with in pop culture media by luscious2

[Rob Thomas and Joss Whedon] only see romantic relationships as plot devices for creating angst by rahirah

god remember when willow and tara spent all of buffy's money while she was dead? by zobothehobo

Rupert Giles’ tragic backstory (meme) by themarkofeyghon

Re: You know it was confirmed Buff actually got off from Angel biting her right? by we-pay-for-everything

Adding Faith (Ats 4-5, Btvs 7) hosted by Taake

Cordelia in Restless? hosted by nightshade

Rank the Season 5 Episodes by Athene

Screenrants Top 5 Angel Episode (And 5 Worst) Do you agree? by ghoststar

Sexuality - Show & Comics by Multiple posters

Improving Characters hosted by Priceless

The Xander/Anya relationship by Multiple posters

Discussion Willow's sexual orientation with self-definitions vs. the Kinsey scale hosted by ghoststar

Does Joss Matter? hosted by Priceless

Something I just noticed about the DVD covers for seasons 6 and 7 by bluntlysorrynotsorry

Why is Willow considered gay instead of bisexual? by zzzqwz

Moral Question About Faith in Who Are You? by theecupcakekid

[charlyritter]

hey fellas new meme for those who’ve been here for a while, take an old ask meme you reblogged (remember when those existed!!) and see if your answers are still the same, imma just start with this one I answered in 2013 or 14

new answers are in italics

Name: sabrina | same... Nickname: my friends call me Biene (german for bee; my family says Bienle because yes hi i’m from southern germany), my brother has like 10,000 different nicknames for me | same (oh man this could be more boring than I thought), my brother’s still the best brother in the world just to give you an update on that Location: germany | same -.- Age: 21 | 25 (wtf, I am not immortal o.O) Height: 1.60cm | I grew a lot, I am actually 2m tall now (jk, same) Any pets: no | same :( Favourite thing @ yourself: best taste in tv ever known to mankind | still p much the only thing I got going for myself! Worst habit: i’m scared of pretty much everything | oh my god!! same!! why!! Fun fact: i made vegetarian burgers today and they looked like shit but tasted awesome and the moral of the story is that sometimes it’s really easy to make me happy | I made potato-pumpkin casserole today and something I learned about myself is that I find it hard to come up with fun facts that are not food-related

Identity, Sexuality & Personality

Gender identity: female | same Sexual preference: idk | same Romantic preference: idk | same “Kinsey Scale” score: i don’t even have to do this anymore i always get ‘not sexual’ | same omg Relationship status: single until the end of time | ................... Myers/Briggs type: idk | yep, still too lazy to do those test Hogwarts house: idk | still don’t get the concept of a hogwarts house

Routine

“Early Bird” or “Night Owl”: night owl that sometimes transforms into early bird because i stay up so late that there’s no point in going to bed anymore | luckily my sleeping pattern’s not quite as horrendous anymore, will still never be able to alter my biorhythm to that of an early bird (which btw is not a thing, I’ve read a book on it) but I’m very happy and content with getting up between 8 and 9 nowadays considering 11 was “getting up early” for me for YEARS. Morning routine: get up ten minutes before i have to leave, curse a lot | most of the time I have the time to have a cup of coffee nowadays. Bath or shower: showers | same First thought in a morning: ugh ('shit’ when i’m really late) | idk I guess that’s my VERY first thought but I do also get ridiculously excited about getting to drink coffee anew every single day and I don’t get why  Last thought before falling asleep at night: can i please just fall asleep already | pls don’t ever let me get insomnia that bad again lol

School/Work

Do you work or are you a student: student who’s looking for a part-time job | omg same why am I still so horrendous at getting and keeping jobs goddammiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit Where do you work/study: at…uni?? i’m not sure if i get the question | still think the question’s weirdly phrased, still at university What do you do: i’m a translation student (english + french) | same Where do you see yourself in 5 years: hopefully happy | I’ll have a Master’s degree in translation, I’ll have lived abroad for a year, I’m working a job that’ won’t make me rich but is reasonably well-paid, maybe as a project manager or general translator, and gives me 30 days off per year which I use to travel more, I still don’t own a decent apartment because I’m saving up all my money to travel, I’m volunteering at an animal shelter

Habits (Do you … )

Drink: very rarely | same Smoke: no | same Do Drugs: no | I mean, I have smoked weed since back then but that doesn’t count does it (and I don’t really smoke weed in Germany) Exercise: sometimes | currently at least 3 times a week but I try to get more workouts in Have a go-to comfort food: it used to be gummy bears but then i went vegetarian and now…it’s vegetarian gummy bears?? i don’t really know but i’m sure it’s some kind of candy | still don’t have that one go-to food Have a nervous habit: i bite my lip | huh. I don’t actually think I bite my lip......? 

What is your favourite … ?

Physical quality (in yourself): my hands | same In Others: hair i guess | same I guess Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): i’m never bored | same (also remember when we didn’t capitalize ‘I’ lol) Food: pizza/pasta | same Drink: caffeine-free diet coke, mineral water and right now every variation of this | oh god remember when I still drank coke, EEEEEWWWW (other than that same re: the water and I’m sure I just forgot to mention coffee?!!) also gotta love that camouflaged advertising for Ensinger haha Animal: frogs/toads | omg I thought that was a more recent thing? but yeah same obvi Artist/Band/Group: pink floyd is my to-go band but really i listen to lots of different stuff by lots of different people so i don’t know | still not good at listening to music Author/Poet: oh god. so many | hm? TV Show: breaking bad | same Actor/Actress: colin firth | same

[kiidarachniida]

(POST) MUNDAY FACT SHEET / LONG POST!

NAME:     sarah NICKNAME:    my name’s too basic for a nickname tbh, but in high school people called me by my last name since there were a million other sarahs. AGE:     19 SEX/GENDER:   f / f PRONOUNS:   she / her. EYES/HAIR:     hazely-brown (like from far away they look brown but there’s a bunch of colors in there lol) / brown HEIGHT/WEIGHT:   5′6″ / and uhhh, i’m comfortable with saying i’m heavier than most people. don’t want to give out specific numbers though. BUILD:    i think it’s technically an hourglass, but i’m v much part of the plus size community, and have been since i was a kid.  TATTOOS:    i don’t have any yet, but i’m thinking about getting some with a friend next time it’s friday the 13th! since they’re like half off then, ahah. SCARS:     i have a scar on my knee from when i fell and scraped it real bad as a kid (i had to get stitches oops?) and i think that’s it? i dunno if stretch marks count as scars?  PIERCINGS:   nothing yet! i’ve wanted to get my ears done for a while just to get people to stop going ‘YoU dOnT hAvE yOuR eArS pIeRcEd????’ MYERS-BRIGGS:   enfp ENNEAGRAM:    9, the peacemaker. ALIGNMENT:   neutral good TEMPERAMENT:     melancholic KINSEY SCALE:  2 - Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:   heteroromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION:   heterosexual IQ:    134. not gonna lie, i skipped a few of the math ones because effort. OCCUPATION: student and part time as a cashier at a clothing store STATS:    i don’t know what this pertains to?? RELIGION:     i never know what flavor of christian i am, but i think it’s protestant? no idea. should probably know that.  PETS:    all i’ve got is a little brother, does that count? SCHOOL:    high school graduate, currently in community college with plans to get a degree in nursing :D LANGUAGES:   English is my main, but i’ve grown up around spanish for most of my life. i’m not fluent in it yet (it was always used as a ‘don’t let sarah find out’ kinda thing, but i’ve been teaching myself because i really wanna respect my family and where i come from.  MEDICAL:     i’m overweight so i have the crap that comes with that, and i have polycystic ovarian syndrome. i don’t think there’s more than that?  NEUROLOGICAL:   i have tendencies and signs of certain things but since i haven’t been to a professional i don’t want to assume just yet. ETHNICITY/RACE:  my birth mother was white, but she passed away when i was really young and my father and stepmother’s sides of my family are completely hispanic. so i’m half white and half hispanic, but i relate almost completely to my hispanic side. HOBBIES:  i love writing, reading (tho i don’t get to do a lot of it anymore), singing, musical theater, softball, and going to the movies.  INTERESTS:  marvel, grey’s anatomy, harry potter, doctor who, all that nerdy and good stuff.  BLOGS:  @kiidarachniid​, @vi-brain-ium​, and @sarahs-muses​ (gonna reblog this so i tagged this blog too haha)  SOCIAL MEDIA: i have discord, snap, and insta, all of which i’m willing to give out to mutuals. just lemme know!

Tagged by: Stolen from: @builtagain

Tagging: anybody that wants to!

[themourningsage-archived]

MUNDAY FACT SHEET / LONG POST

Tagged by:  @heedthemountain, thanks friend!

NAME:  Lauren

NICKNAME:  Morphy

AGE:  26

SEX/GENDER:  (afab) demigirl

PRONOUNS:  she/her  or  they/them, either’s fine!!

EYES/HAIR:  brown eyes; brown hair, short on the sides/back and somewhat longer on the top (idk if there’s a term for it lol)

TATTOOS:  none

SCARS:  ones on my forehead and nose from when i was like 3, some more recent burns on the back of my neck

PIERCINGS:  just 1 in each earlobe

MYERS-BRIGGS:  INFJ, “The Advocate”

ENNEAGRAM:  Type 9, “The Peacemaker”

ALIGNMENT:  probably Neutral Good

TEMPERAMENT:  Melancholic - The melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. Melancholic people often were perceived as very (or overly) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they could not be on time for events. Melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. Often they are perfectionists. They are self-reliant and independent; one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing they forget to think of others.

KINSEY SCALE:  i would prefer not to

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:  panromantic

SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  demisexual

IQ:  i would prefer not to

OCCUPATION:  unemployed idiot blob

RELATIONSHIP STATUS:  single as Kraft American

RELIGION:  agnostic-ish/chill atheist

PETS:  none

SCHOOL:  got a bachelor’s in English

LANGUAGES:  English (tried learning German in high school and Russian in college, but neither of them have stuck enough for me to claim them as a second language)

MEDICAL:  far as i know, just dust/pollen allergies

NEUROLOGICAL:  nothing, like, ‘officially’ diagnosed by a psych or anything - but i know i’ve got anxiety and selective mutism for sure (still uncertain and don’t wanna say definitively, but possibly??? adhd as well)

ETHNICITY/RACE:  American whitebread (1/2 Lithuanian, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 German)

HOBBIES:  writing, drawing, reading, playing mobile/PC games, watching YouTube

INTERESTS:  a lot

BLOGS:  also a lot lol; let’s see, at the time of posting this...

my personal

this blog

Ha.nzo,  Ove.rwat.ch  [ idowhatimust ]

Iosif Volkov, a fandomless OC  [ solderandink ]

Tho.rin,  The Ho.bbi.t  [ kingoakenshieldoferebor ] -  sideblog:  Bof.ur,  The Hob.bit  [ mincepiesandmusic ] -  sideblog:  Haluk, a Tolkienverse OC  [ falconerwanderer ] -  sideblog:  Be.orn from The Ho.bbi.t  [ lastskinchanger ] -  sideblog:  Fara.mi.r,  LO.TR  [ nerelena ]

Vasq.uez,  2016 Ma.gnif.ice.nt Se.ven  [ gotnowhereelsetogo ] -  sideblog:  Goo.dnig.ht Rob.iche.aux,  2016 Ma.g7  [ fameisasarcophagus ]

SOCIAL MEDIA:  i would prefer not to link that

Tagging:  uhhhhh  anyone who wants to!

[punai]

I was tagged by @aconissa​ rules: answer the 11 questions from the person who tagged you, then compose 11 questions of your own & tag others! I tag @proseccohunny @ambereliza @gra-ntaires and @smoothjazzango

Name a book which changed the way you see things idk murakami has opened a whole new world to me by showing me how to appreciate / see the unusual in everyday situations/things

If you suddenly got a million pounds, what’s the first thing you’d buy? pay off student loans & treat my friends to dinner probs

Who would you swap bodies with for a day? honestly i have this friend who seems to just go with the flow and not stress too much and takes things as they come which sounds fucking wild tbh id like to feel like that for a day

What’s your go-to Halloween movie? i don't really celebrate Halloween tbh

Is there a musician that you loved as a kid/teen but am embarrassed to admit to loving now? Who are they? i had a period in which i constantly listened to Evanescence i am not proud

If you read biographies, what’s the best one you’ve read? does persepolis count as a graphic biography? kinda? i don't think it does but i love that  

Favourite cat and/or dog breed? norwegian forest cat!!!

Favourite work of art? oh boi that is hard. there is this collection in K21 in Dusseldorf which i am in love with?? not a specific work tho

What tv show do you think more people need to watch? In the flesh!!!!!! also Pushing Daisies

Have you ever been in love, and if so how old were you? i don't know i might be in love with one of my best friends but im not sure if it is platonic love or not lol i hate my life

Pick an animal to be on your hypothetical coat of arms fox? cat? 

questions for the ones tagged!

1. how do you make yourself happy again when you're sad? 2. what is your power song? 3. favourite museum? 4. what is your favourite snack? favourite drink? 5. who was your first crush? 6. how do you feel about the term “queer”? 7. where do you fall on the kinsey scale? 8. what is the most magical, stranger-than-life moment you ever experienced? 9. do you have a morning routine? 10. favourite artist? 11. favourite drunk story?

[thisguyfred-blog1]

PHYSICAL !!

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy? He’s about 6 feet. Fit or athletic, I guess. 2. How old is he? Nineteen. 3. Describe his posture. Does he carry himself well or does he slouch? He carries himself decently. 4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities? You tell me.* 5. How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid? He’s actually pretty graceful/fluid, believe it or not. 6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror? How attractive is he to me or to himself? Because he’s a looker. But he doesn’t put much thought or effort into his appearance. It doesn’t matter to him. 7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred? Light and clear. 8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style. Dirty blond, long, wavy and soft.*** 9. What color are his eyes? Blue. 10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features? His hair. But we’ve covered that. 11. What are his chief tension centers? Shoulders. 12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he have six of the same suit? Beanies and t-shirts. The occasional fanboy collector’s item. It’s pretty casual. 13. Do his clothes fit well? Does he seem comfortable in them? Yes and yes. 14. Does he dress the same on the job as he does in his free time? If not, what are the differences? Fred is going to dress how Fred wants to dress, any place, any time. 15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando? Briefs and occasionally commando.

SPEECH !!

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse? Basically Fred from the movie. So he sounds like TJ Miller. Very recognizable. (Though I do imagine him saying some words like Alex Saxon. I can’t help it.) 2. How does he normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he talk easily, or does he hesitate? He has a habit of talking both too fast and too loud. His excitement gets the better of him. 3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics? None that I can think of off the top of my head. 4. What languages does he speak, and with how much fluency? He likes to think he can speak some French, Spanish and Japanese if he tries but… he can’t. 5. Does he switch languages or dialects in certain situations? He shouldn’t. 6. Is he a good impromptu speaker, or does he have to think about his words? I don’t know if he’s a good impromptu speaker, but that’s what he is.   7. Is he eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change? Eloquent unless he’s caught off guard or emotional or something.

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL !!

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he book-smart or street-smart? He is surprisingly intelligent. I’d say a good mixture of both. Most people don’t know it though. 2. Does he think on his feet, or does he need time to deliberate? He’s usually thinking on his feet. 3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical? A bit of all I think. His imagination clouds his judgement but he doesn’t have bad ideas. 4. What kind of education has the character had? After high school, which he barely got through, he became a student of San Fransokyo Institute of Technology and was then transferred to Walt Academy. 5. What are his areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he interested in learning more about? Writing and mascotting. 6. Is he an introvert or an extrovert? He is as extroverted as they come. 7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he even-tempered or does he have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven? Even-tempered, cheerful and laid-back. 8. How does he respond to new people or situations? Is he suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic? Enthusiastic. He just wants to be friends. 10. Which is his default: fight or flight? This is hard to answer because it totally depends on the situation. He’s the kind of guy to turn the other cheek – but if something really serious is going on, he isn’t afraid to fight. 11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks? He’ll laugh at anything. 12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he deal with them? No. 13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him as a person? Losing his friend was hard. He’s lowkey still struggling with that. Otherwise, he’s had it pretty good. Nothing has impacted him hard one way or another. 14. What does he fear? Losing anyone else. 15. What are his hopes or aspirations? To be happy and make others happy. That’s it. 16. What is something he doesn’t want anyone to find out about him? It isn’t that he doesn’t want people to find out, but he doesn’t like people knowing or acknowledging his sadness. He would rather keep it to himself, ignore it, put on a smile and worry about someone else’s feelings.

RELATIONSHIPS !!

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his parents. It’s alright. He’s fairly close to his dad, as close as he can be to someone he hardly ever sees. He loves his parents. It would be nice to see them more often, but he doesn’t hold their constant traveling and neglect of their own son against them. You’ve gotta love people for who they are. 2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like? No. 3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he is close? Are there ones he can’t stand?He’s not super close to anyone in his family but he doesn’t hate anyone in it either. 4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he considers part of his family? What are his relationships with them? Baymax, Honey Lemon, GoGo, Hiro and Wasabi. He would do anything for them. He would have for Tadashi too. Fred loves people unconditionally and they became the family he never had. 5. Who is the character’s best friend? How did they meet? Wasabi. They met at school. Though really, all of his friends are his best friends if you ask him. 6. Does he have other close friends? Baymax, Honey Lemon, GoGo and Hiro. 7. Does he make friends easily, or does he have trouble getting along with people? He makes friends easily. 8. Which does he consider more important: family or friends? Family, because he figures if your friends are close enough, they are family. 9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he been married more than once? He’s single. 10. Is he currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse? He would never even think of juggling two relationships. He would never cheat. 11. Who was his first crush? Who is his latest? I’m not sure that Fred has ever had a real crush. Mostly just infatuation on people that were nice and cute. They never lasted more than a week. 12. What does he look for in a romantic partner? Common interests. Mutual love and respect. The basics of a good relationship. 13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he relate to them? If no, does he want any? He doesn’t, but he would love to be a dad one day. 14. Does he have any rivals or enemies? If he does, he doesn’t know it. 15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he fall on the Kinsey scale? It is hard to put a label on Fred because he simply doesn’t do labels. Love is love and gender means absolutely nothing when it comes to that. I guess you could say he’s panromantic/pansexual, a three on the scale, but again -- it’s hard to put a label on him. 16. How does he feel about sex? How important is it to him? He appreciates it but he could be in a relationship without sex. Love is what’s important to him. 17. What are his turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits? He isn’t very kinky. He might be into costumes or something. Who knows?

BELIEFS !!

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he fit type? Born on August 15th (yes, I gave him my birthday so I won’t forget it) he’s a Leo. Parts of it fit, parts of it don’t. 2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his life? He believes that everything happens for a reason. He believes in good things. He believes there is an afterlife and a God of some sort. He just doesn’t have all the answers. And he doesn’t need to. 3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it? Be loyal and be kind. That’s just who he is as a person. I don’t think anything could compromise it. 4. How does he regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent? He is curious but completely tolerant. 5. What prejudices does he hold? Are they irrational or does he have a good reason for them? Fred doesn’t hold prejudices.

DAILY LIFE !!

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he rich, poor, comfortable, in debt? Rich. 2. What is his social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him? Uh, it’s hard to say, honestly. He thinks everyone is his friend. 3. Where does he live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his home his castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he share it with others? He lived in a very big house before coming to Walt and he loved it. Now he’s in a dorm which he shares with Penelope, bless her soul, and he loves it too. He isn’t hard to please if you haven’t noticed. He keeps his side fairly neat and tidy, but there is an overwhelming amount of comic books, plush Japanese monsters and other questionable objects stored everywhere. 4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he spend his money on? Collector items, comic books, foreign knick knacks. A bunch of nerdy stuff. 5. What does he do for a living? Is he good at it? Does he enjoy it, or would he rather be doing something else? He’s a student and he’s doing his best. He’s happy with it. 6. What are his interests or hobbies? How does he spend his free time? Reading comics, writing, watching cartoons. He’s never bored. There’s always something to do. 7. What are his eating habits? Does he skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods? He eats like an average person. He isn’t a health nut or a foodie. He just eats what he wants when he wants it. So far it’s worked out okay.

ASSOCIATIONS !!

1. Color? His favorite color can change daily. He has issues with picking one favorite of anything because he just loves so much all the time. I would say blue or orange would be his go-to though. 2. Smell? Freshly cut grass. 3. Time of day? Noon. 4. Season? Spring. It’s so cheerful. 5. Book? He’s more of a comic book kind of guy than a novel kind of guy. 6. Music? Pop punk. 7. Place? Japan or wherever his friends are. 8. Substance? None. 9. Plant? Cherry blossoms. 10. Animal? Kaiju Dragon. Dogs, cats, ferrets, lizards -- he genuinely loves them all.

EVERY * LEADS TO A PICTURE !!

[these---days]

Procrastination

1. Favourite colour --> Green.. but sometimes purple, or Teal... idk

2. Number of people you’ve slept with --> 2 3. Cake or ice cream? I don’t care for dessert but Cake over Ice Cream 4. If you were a superhero what would your power be? Seeing the future so I can 1) win the lottery to give money to all of the people and 2) see future regrets and change them as necessary 5. Ever been in a fist fight? Yup... or well, it was one sided as the person was being a drunk douche. I’m pretty patient and not easily angered but was the last straw when they were crap to an ex... so i ran across the room and their face met my fist as we went through a window ;). 6. Do you live in the country or the city? City 7. Biggest kink? I really can not think of anything... it’s been a while since I even gave a shit... refer to my #2 response lol 8. Favourite video-game? Assassin’s Creed 2....Classic maybe Crash Bandicoot or Zelda: A Link to The Past (honourable mentions - Heavy Rain bcuz it was the first game of it’s kind, NHL 200 something cuz I played it for a straight week and Parappa the Rapper for the memories I had while playing it) 9. Words you live by? I’m not religious but, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”  10. Best book you’ve ever read? Okay well this changes constantly there’s been a lot. Great Gatsby and Lord of the Flies were my first... Stone Butch Blues made me tear up after 20 pages... The Alchemist... The Hours... Tom Robbins though hands down has the best books. If you can’t tell I have a hard time with decisions or ONE STRAIGHT ANSWER (no pun intended) 11. Favourite film? .... REALLY... same as above, too many. The Hours, Girl, Interrupted, Eternal Sunshine, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Requiem for a Dream.... and honorable mention is Rocky Horror because I wouldn’t call it my fav but I do love it 12. Horror or romance? neither 13. Biggest fear? I’m usually more afraid of the anticipation of a thing than the actual THING... Otherwise no real “fears” in particular, I just spoke easily and get nervous a lot 14. Best memory? I have no idea. Maybe my 19th birthday weekend. First time people actually worked hard at surprising me, I felt really cared about and important to people outside of my family AND the girl I liked (but swore I wouldn’t tell bcuz I couldn’t lose anymore friends based on being a lesbian) kissed me. So that was a high.  15. Worst memory? There have been a lot... but to be honest everything becomes pretty neutral or numb (for best or worst memories) 16. Where are you from? Toronto, Canada 17. Ever done anal? no thankssss 18. Would you prefer to be Mary Berry’s grandchild or Paul Hollywood’s bitch? I would like to “Berry” “Hollywood”  19. Favourite outfit? Ugh I do not have one right now... maybe my underwear and a baseball shirt since that is usually my go to bed/not going out outfit ;) 20. Snapchat or Instagram? i dont care 21. If you could freeze time what would you do? nothing. I’m fucking frozen.  22. Best LUSH product in your opinion? Who knows, a bath bomb? I don’t go here 23. Should people wear red shirts or brown pants in your presence? nothing is the correct answer .. my life is so sad that I am still answering these 24. Favourite television character? Willow Rosenberg 25. Do you have a nemesis? Time, money, the patriarchy, capitalism, heterosexism... must I go on? 26. Are you a hard-worker? When other people are depending on me for sure. If it’s only for myself... not so much I think. But for a job, ya I’ll work harder than probably necessary to my disadvantage typically.  27. What’s the best holiday you’ve ever been on? Backpacking Australia 2012 with my sis 28. What’s your dream? I have none 29. Where do you see your life ending up? well... it wasn’t here that’s for sure 30. Describe your last sexual encounter. LOL I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER IT ITS BEEN THAT LONG 31. Cake by the ocean or sex on the beach? Cake by the Ocean... of course? 32. Ever done drugs? Obviously... Tylenol is a fucking drug you know ;) 33. Harry Potter or Lord Of The Rings? LOTR 34. Are you a jock or a nerd? lol... NERD... my best job in sports usually consisted of getting hit for the sake of the team 35. On a scale of 8 to 34.7, how gay are you? I am a strong 5.8 on the Kinsey Scale 36. Do you live for Tumblr discourse or hate it? meh 37. Favourite trashy television show? ugh sadly I will watch are you the one? or Survivor, Big Brother, MTV’s the Challenge 38. Last time you watched porn? lol i dont even know... also not even really my thing tbh 39. Do you have a recurring sexual fantasy? nope 40. Weirdest dream you ever had? i dont even know 41. Ever had mental health issues? yup 42. What’s the answer to the question you wish someone would ask you? no way, really? you’re joking! (lol) 43. Do you wish people paid more attention to you? omg no  44. Do you have anyone who you’d happily slap right across their chops? we live in a world with Trump in it... also about 2649473647823648232 political and capitalist assholes 45. Dog person or cat person? I can be both but DOGSSSSSS ... i became allergic to cats but I still end up all over them and suffer the consequences :’(

46. Sneakers or heels? LOL sneakers. No one needs to witness me in heels 47. Favourite cocktail? GT 48. Day or night? I’m a night person but I WISH I was a day person 49. Pokémon or Digimon? -mon 50. How big is your dick? YUGE 51. Favourite musical? Ugh I think I had a new one but oh well, Phantom of the Opera was my old one... Mamma Mia only because it’s all ABBA 52. Favourite song? Exit to a Movie by Radiohead but the version Westworld played during season 1. I love SO many though. (I will always love Cat Power and Regina Spektor though) 53. Are you secretly a goblin/alien/android? I am a Gob-lien-droid 54. Why are you like this? I’m sure it’s a mix genes, timing, contextual influence of the social determinants of health, my individual intersections and situational freedoms... along with my “choose my own adventure” decisions or non-decisions in life ;). THAT A COMPLETE ENOUGH FUCKING ANSWER FOR YA 55. What’s your guilty pleasure? sleep. Also sadly the movie Imagine you and me... omg #whatasap 56. What would you say if I said ‘I love you’? weird 57. What’s the story behind your URL? It’s from the movie Amelie 58. Tell me something that worries you. everything pretty much all the time... I would really love some regular massages. Or to remember the time when for a while I had no worries, had no tension and slept like a fucking BABY 59. What have you been worrying about today? Falling (literally), the work I have to get done, Money, School, Life after school, future work, decisions about where to live and what work options I’ll have, getting a dog, If I’ll have to date again to help make those decisions lol... Also accidentally became a klepto and found something in my luggage from a trip that I feel bad for taking... I don’t even know how or why it happened lol 60. I’m only sending you these questions because I have a crush on you and I’m too tragic to actually just say it. TOO BAD FOR YOUUUUU SUCKAAA 61. Hot dogs or burgers? depends 62. Nintendo or the other trash-consoles? Going outside 63. Which fandom ruined a show that you used to like? none. I dont know... fandoms do not define me! 64. What do you wish you could tell your best friend? I’ve got nothing 65. Tell us a deep dark secret. I have a secret... it’s is deep.... but it is also dark....  66. Are you curious about having a man in leather spank your botty 'til it’s all red? I think I’m good but have fun with that 67. Favourite Tumblr couple? How do you even know tumblr couples?! 68. Do you have any dietary quirks? Nope.. maybe I’m getting lactose sensitive sometimes? Mostly I think it’s stress though 69. Do you want to have someone pleasure your genitals orally while you do the same to theirs? Not right no thanks I’m busyyyyy 70. How old are you? 31 last friday... 71. Which Buzzfeed listicle sums up your existence? WHAT IS A LISTICLE..also I ain’t got time for thattt 72. Do you have any pets? not anymore :’(... I got allergic to them #STORYOFMYLIFE 73. What colour underwear are you wearing? The are green and pink. Dark green with like jungle like leaves and flamingos <3. (American Eagle short briefs idk what they are called..) 74. Boxers or briefs? read #73 75. Fuck me, Ray Bradbury? You seem unsure of yourself there... or were you just giving an angry rant at yourself and then asking if Ray Bradbury was around... hmmm 76. Which television show do you want to last forever? Buffy but it isn’t on TV anymore and instead in Comic form 77. In a zombie apocalypse how long would you last? Instantly dead for sure... I’d just drop a huge rock on my head and be done with it lol 78. Do you have good internet connection or do you want to punch your router every ten minutes? ALSO WANT TO PUNCH EVERYTHING WITH MY INTERNET CONNECTION 79. Would you find it somewhat saucy if I sent bawdy nudes in your direction? Not particularly... unless you were serious about them and then I’d use like paint and make them hilarious haha omg ya that’d be great 80. Which country has the best flag? I was horrible about georgraphy lol.... I would throw knowing flags into that category  81. Do you consider yourself *iconic*? I consider myself *ironic* ... ew wait not in a hipster way... just wanted to throw out Alanis since that’s what came to mind here 82. Most overrated food? Bacon 83. Most overrated film? So many 84. Most overrated television show? Friends 85. Most overrated type of cheese? Babybel 86. Which brand would you never shop at? There’s a few ethical ones but also gotta check privilege with whether you can afford to skip some stores/brands  87. Wisdom, courage, or power? Wisdom 88. Would you prefer to travel in time and stay in the same spot, or travel in space with time elapsing as normal? Space would give me anxiety... but staying in the same spot would give me anxiety. CONUNDRUM 89. What’s the best birthday present you ever got? A girlfriend...For more on that check the “best memory” response I guess... although brithday present makes it sound like a person was an object/commodity that could be claimed and that’s not what I mean... trying to be funny just got serious RIGHT QUICK 90. What present do you wish someone would give you? I have no real wants.. just time with people. Or one day for all my friends to be together and nobody disliked anyone and could have a good time and get along for me... actually that would be the best present in the world but will never happen so alas, there is no reason for birthday parties anymore 91. Do you have an ex? Why did you break up? Yes. We had expired on our 9 lives. 91. Why does 91 appear on this list twice now? Because you typed it twice 92. Spare a thought for the humble creator of this list, it’s difficult to think of this many questions. Make the list shorter 93. Do you prefer anons or non-anons? onions 94. Who do you wish you could have sex with more than any other? more than any other...... ???  95. What is your spirit animal? A KOALA, the sleep for like 22-23 hours of the day 96. Do you have one word that you really love the sound of? Tangent. Conundrum... idk 97. Do you still have any of your stuffed toys from when you were a kid?yup 98. What makes you super nostalgic? Random things, nothing particular 99. Give me an answer to a random one of these questions. (But don’t make it a shit answer like 'yes’. Don’t be an asshole.) asshole 100. What’s your favourite cocktail? SUP REPEAT 101. Sonic screwdriver or Ron’s shit broken wand from the second Potter book? OOGA BOOGA MAN FROM CRASH BANDICOOT lol 102. Laptop or PC? laptop 103. What’s the sexiest accent in your opinion? meh 104. Would you let Donald Trump tickle your nipples for an hour for £6,000,000? FUCK DONALD TRUMP ... i can’t even be funny with this one I just start fuming at his mention  105. You should check out a great little British website called Pretty52. This should’ve been for question 52..... so nope. 106. If you could dye your hair any colour, what colour would you change to? I’m good. 107. What would you change about your body if you could? I’d work out and eat healthy... idk.... bodies are bodies and they are the way the are for whatever reason to each their own. I’m for people changing their bodies and for not doing so at all. For me I only change stuff if I physically get pained otherwise it’s all aesthetics which is trivial. 108. Do you prefer to be hot or cold? hot 109. What’s your favourite way to orgasm? having one I guess lol? 110. Are you a mermaid or a unicorn? unicorn (I can’t swim so) 111. What’s the name of your favourite pet when you were a kid?I had none. So deprived.  112. What was your favourite class at school? History maybe? 113. Are you superstitious? kind of but not seriously 114. What do you think happens when we die? When I get there I’ll let you know 115. Pie or pi? PI!!! BTW, getting a McFlurry on Pi day is hilarious because the total for one in Canada with taxes is 3.14!!!! #nerdalert 116. Your followers a question. Are you questioning my followers??? 117. Lick my genitalia. I’m good thanks  118. What’s your favourite number? 8 119. Do you ever look up at the stars and feel small? nope 120. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?it’s.. fine 121. Tell me about a quirky personality trait. I have no idea 122. What was your favourite story when you were younger? My mom used to tell Caterpillar bedtime stories... the stories would start with the caterpillar having a certain amount of legs and this caterpillar would be playing some kind of game/sport against my family of 4 and in each sport my mom would make up how the caterpillar lost it’s legs. The story was over when they lost all their legs and we won lol.  123. Are you old before your time or young at heart? Ugh I  WAS old before my time as a child... after 25 I’ve been trying to peter pan through life because now we’re stuck being old and I want a chance at childhood again haha 124. Why do you do the things you do? Please. Tell me. It’s a mix of contextual factors as I’ve answered for another question lol 125. I hope you enjoyed these questions. they actually were not that great... I am underwhelmed 126. Which Tumblr blog would you recommend to all your fans? one that upgrades them to a good old airconditioner