#thats why i haven't been active lately

[abstractpenny]

When the intrusive thoughts get so bad they literally cripple you for days

[tan1shere]

Heyyyyyyy could YOU please PLEASE do one where Billie tells the reader how to touch herself, while Billie is on tour?!!?

Call Me

Billie Eilish x female reader !

A/n: coming righttttt up, hope you like it 😊

Warnings: smut, phone sex ?? Masterbating - think thats it !

Masterlist

It was lonely here all alone. Finding little jobs and activities to do to fill in time. Whenever you weren't working, yourself. Your girlfriend, Billie was currently on her HMHAS tour. And you haven't seen her in days. Truth be told you missed her like crazy. Her presence. Her voice. Her touch..

Which led to the next feeling you missed. Ovulation was no joke. And you were currently facing the feral-ness of it. Even more so that she isn't here. You had been frustrated all day. And you only now realize why. You needed to touch yourself, you had to relieve this pent up tension. So as the night comes along you get into your warm, comfortable bed. Checking the time. Billie usually calls around this time.

You figure shes sleeping, she had been extra tired lately. You go to slide your hand down into your shorts, about to touch yourself. When you do, but stopping. Things aren't the same. You wanted her touch. You try to continue but nothing was feeling good right now. That caused more frustration to bubble inside you. Deciding to just sleep it away. And hope tomorrow was normal.

Next day rolls around and you still have the same feeling. Frustration and horniness. Not a great combination, the day felt longer because of it. It was a bit earlier when you got home, but thankfully Billie didn't have a show today. So she was hopefully going to answer when you call. You couldn't take it anymore you needed her help. And you needed it desperately.

You go to lay on the bed, grabbing your phone and dialing her number. She answers in seconds, causing you to grow nervous. In all the years of being with her, phone sex was the one thing you've yet to do. So ofcourse you were nervous. Would she even help you, would this be odd? "Hi baby." You hear her say, cheerfully. You smile to yourself. "Hello!" You try your hardest to not jump into things, going to try give her some hints.

"How was your day?" She then asks. You sigh, ever so lightly. "A little frustrating, good to be home though. How about yours?" - "Mine was pretty boring I've just been preparing for tomorrow's show and chilling. Why was yours frustrating my love?" You think for a moment. "Just some work and other little things, some of which I just can't fix by myself.." - "I'm sorry, anything I can do to help at all?" Yes. Phone fuck me. Was all you wanted to say but you had to play things cool. Even if your body was heating up at the thought of this happening.

"Not that I can think of, just wanted to hear your voice I missed you." She smiles to herself. "I miss you too babe." There was a small pause, you were contemplating on how you'd do this. When a small idea pops into your head. You missed her voice so much, and it sounds like you had just woke her up from a nap. Her voice was slightly raspy, a bit of her tiredness peeking through.

"Did anything else happen today?" You then ask, getting comfortable on the bed. Moving your hands just above the waistband of your underwear. You had decided to get straight into your sleepwear, just a loose night gown. Wanting to feel good as all you've been wearing lately are big t-shirts to bed. You wanted to feel hot, make this moment more sensual. "Not too much if im honest, just got my outfit for tomorrow, did some other things. Just boring stuff really." You hum in reply, moving your hand in your underwear as she speaks.

Was this wrong? It felt a little like that. Your face heats up what're you even doing. But you get pulled from your thoughts when you hear your name. "Hello? Y/n, baby. You still there?" The name made you bite your lip. "Y-yeah sorry." She chuckles. "You didn't answer my question love." "Oh, oops. What was it?" She smiles to herself again, finding you cute. Except what you were doing was far from cute and downright filthy. "I asked you how shark had been, he's behaving right?" Your hand moves lower, trying to stay focused on the conversation and her voice. "Y-yeah he's been good." You let out a quiet sigh but she hears it. "Everything ok?"

You get nervous again, how were you even going to manage this. "I'm fine.." You needed her to keep talking, and thankfully she does. "Ok, Im sure if it's anything youre just tired. I was going to talk to you about when I get back, we have a dinner with Finn on the Friday. Just thought I'd remind you incase you forgot." Your finger had been in you, slowly moving the whole time she was talking. And when you don't reply she gets more confused. "Baby, what're you doing you seem distracted." You holt your movements, trying to think of an excuse but why? You wanted to call her and ask.

Ask her to talk to you, help you. So why were you so damn nervous. "Talk to me baby." God sake her voice was so hot even when she wasn't intentionally trying. You bite your lip again trying to stop any noise that was about to escape. Mustering up some sort of strength to reply. "I'm f-fine." Was all you managed to respond with. Billie sits there in thought, when she hears another sigh. Was she catching on? She needed to be sure. "I miss you, so. So much." She was playing with fire. You don't respond again, having your eyes shut as you try to give yourself pleasure.

When it's not working you let out another sigh followed by a tiny whine. She hears that loud and clear, smirking to herself. She knew good and well what you were doing. "Can't wait to see you in a few days, get to kiss you. Hold you. Touch.. you." She chose her words evily. But she didn't stop there. A breath was to be heard. Followed by a frustrated sigh. "Let me help, baby. You sound annoyed." Another small whine left you, at the fact she was right and just overall the way she was speaking to you.

Your brows knit together, giving in and letting her. She knows now, there's no point in staying silent. "It's no good, I miss you. Your hands." She coos. "I know baby, I know. I'm just so good at touching my girl huh?" Your head rests back. "So good." You breath into the speaker. "Your fingers still inside?" You reply with a hum. "Move em." So you do just that, slowly at first. "Move your thumb, touch your clit for me." You do that, touching it then moving your thumb in a circle motion.

Everything was so still and quiet she could hear your wetness and God it was driving her nuts, she wanted to be there. To see it, to feel it. "That's it." She says encouragingly, hearing your noises as you speed up on both tactics. She could just imagine it, you touching yourself just to her speaking. "Was baby doing this the whole time I was talking?" She then says. Your cheeks grow red with heat. "I- uhm." She lets out an evil chuckle, sending tingles straight to your pussy. It was such a hot chuckle. But then again, anything she did right now was 10x hotter. "You're such a filthy girl huh?" You bite your lip yet again.

Feeling more pleasure than you had been. "Please keep talking please." You begged. Voice so needy. "Plunge deeper for me, know you can. Imagine my fingers. How deep they go. Imagine your thumb is my tongue as I swirl it around your throbbing clit." Your back arches at the thought, you needed it more than anything. "Need you so bad." A louder moan was to be heard. The fact this woman is just talking to you and you almost coat the sheets in your nectar. She felt all the power in this moment. "Go faster for me - that's a good girl." She finishes as she hears the squelching increase. Your breaths and moans mingle into one as you get closer.

"Mmm, fuck I'm so so close. Please." She laughs yet again. "So cute, still asking to cum even when I'm miles away. So incredibly good, aren't you?" Your head lulls back into the pillows again, feeling the knot almost snap. "Fuck, Billie." - "Faster baby, rub your clit. Wanna hear you squirt." Just those words alone send both of those sensations out of you, having you leak and squirt all at once. Your breath being uneven as your eyes roll back. "Good, girl. That's what I like to hear."

[megantheestallion-ismypresident]

"She's confident."

Duke dennis x black!reader

Summary: after duke and his girlfriend broke up he hasn't been talkative with his friends or hasn't gone out, so his friends take him out, because he hasn't been active so they take him to the store to go get something to eat, until duke saw this pretty ass girl at the store trying to shoot his shot but her confidence made him down bad for her.

Duke hasn't been the same after his break up with Kali. Kali and him had a nice relationship he was in love with her, and he thought the relationship was gonna last forever, but their relationship got a bit distant. Duke has been streaming a lot, and Kali was more worried and busy on her music career, and everything just fell apart from there. Duke hasn't been the same. He has been distant during the whole thing. He's been streaming a lot lately so he can distract himself from his heartbreak. Even his friends noticed, took.

Kai was in his room chatting with fanum. "Yo, I ain't neva seen this nigga that sad, bruh." Kai said with a concerned look thinking about duke's well being on the breakup. "Real shit, he been streaming alot lately to distract himself, like I would be putting him on with some girl because he hasn't been dating in a while ever since kali." Fanum said to Kai. "Right, that one time I was streaming with him we were talking to some girls, and the girls were trying to rizz the nigga up, and he wasn't even interested." Kai said to fanum as fanum made a disbelief look.

"Nah, we gotta get him out there he can't be stuck on kali forever, my nigga." Kali said to fanum rubbing his eyes since he's been stressed and tired after he finished streaming.

"Yo I'm mad hungry, I haven't eaten all day." Fanum said as kai gave him 'you lying' look. "Thats a lie nigga, I ain't never seen you get through the day without eating." Kai laughs as fanum fake laughs. "I know you ain't talking, grow nigga you like 4 foot something." Fanum jokes as kai gave him a look.

"Wait hold on I think I got a idea to get duke out the house, bruh." Kai said as he smiles having a good idea. "So we go to the store with duke, right? We get some snacks and if we see him eyeing a fine ass girl at the store we gon hook a nigga up." Kai smiles like kid seeing candy. Fanum thinks and then nod his head in a agreeing manner. "Ok, nigga I see you." Fanum smiles as he daps kai up.

"OK who paying because I ain't trying spend my money not gon lie." Fanum says. "Don't worry I'm gonna pay." Kai says as he gets up from his chair as fanum follows behind. Kai and fanum went to duke's room seeing him on his phone depressed.

"Aye, duke let's go to the store we ready." Kai said as he looks at Duke.

"Alright, who driving?" Duke questions as he gets up from his chair.

"I wanna drive." Fanum and kai says at the same and they gave each other a confused look.

"No, bro I'm driving I said it." Kai says back to fanum.

"Yo, you short as fuck you not reaching the steering wheel and your feet ain't gon touch the ground, nigga." Fanum laughs as kai look back at him irritatingly.

"I know you ain't talking yo big ass not gonna fit inside the car." Kai laughs at his joke as fanum look back at him with "nigga shut up" look.

"Why you always on my dick, bro" fanum says irritatingly as kai gave him a look in disbelief in shock.

"Nigga you be on my dick, fuck is you talkin bout." Kai argues back at fanum.

"Alright, I'm finna drive because yall nigga are just talking." Duke says walking past them as he taking the car keys. Kai and fanum follow behind duke as they make it outside walking towards the parked car.

Duke unlocks the car as they got in the car, duke drives off. They drove in completely silence which was really weird because when they usually be in the car they be loud as fuck, playing music and just having a fun time, but ever since duke and kali broke up, duke hasn't been the same lately.

As they made it to the store. Duke parked his car as they got out the car as the cold breeze touches their face. "Damn it's cold as shit out here." Kai says as shakes a little bit from the cold weather. "Why you ain't bring you jacket?" Duke question as they walked inside the store. "Because since fanum and I were arguing I ain't paid no attention of bringing my jacket." Kai responds back as fanum starts silently chuckling.

"That's what your ass get for arguing with me nigga." Fanum laughs as he childishly points finger at kai as kai hits his hand away.

"Bro shut yo bitch ass up, nigga." Kai says to fanum, duke crack a little smile as he hears kai and fanum arguing from behind him.

"Alright I'm gonna get me something to drink and to get away from y'all niggas before you embarrass me in this store." Duke says as he walks away from kai and fanum. Duke went towards the beverage isle as he stands infront of the fridge looking for something to eat. Duke heard the door open with that little bell ringing anytime someone enters the store.

Duke couldn't take his eyes off the woman that entered the store. She had locs in her hair that reached down to her waist. She had a black crop top, with some baggy pants, a belly button piercing, and white air forces. The pretty woman walks Duke's way, they made eye contact as the woman smiles at him. Duke wanted you, even if he didn't know you. Your smile was attractive, the way you walked with such confidence, the way you sway your hips when you walk.

Duke saw kai and fanum at the chips isl as they were talking with each other. "Yo, guys." Duke whispers as he caught kai and fanum's attention. "What, bro?" Kai asks. "I saw this fine ass girl coming my way and she smiled at me, not that 'nice, wholesome' type shit, like that attractive shit." Duke explains which made fanum and kai intrigued.

"Go talk to her nigga." Fanum looks at him urgently wanting him to go talk to the girl.

"Wait I gotta pay all this for you niggas." Duke says. "Don't worry I'm gonna pay me and fanum gonna be waiting for you in the car." Kai says as to duke, duke look a bit nervous second guessing. "Go, nigga we got you." Fanum insists.

"Alright imma go- wait you had money this whole time and you just me to waist my money, nigga." Duke asks questions as kai awkwardly smiles knowing he's been caught.

"We gonna go to the car, gotta go nigga." Kai says urgently as fanum follows behind as duke sees them paying for they snacks, kai and fanum look back at duke giving him a thumbs up as they left the store.

Duke takes a deep breath as he walks toward the candy isle seeing the woman was still there. Duke was next to her but not to close not wanting to seem like a stalker. Duke was looking at what candy he gonna get but he was looking back at the girl who was picking which candy she was gonna get.

"I know you're staring, I mean, I'm a pretty girl, but you can just ask." Y/n says to Duke, not looking at him. "Damn, hold on i'm -" Duke was about to apologize, but she cut him off. "Nah, I'm just messing around. It's cool." Y/n says calm as she looks back at Duke. "Oh shit your duke." Y/n says smiling as Duke smiles back. "You know me?" Duke asks. "Yeah, I know you. I watch Amp all the time." Y/n admits as she grabs a 'Twix' bar. "Damn, why did you -" Duke was gonna say something, but y/n cuts him off. "I don't really do that extra shit when I see a celebrity. You know y'all are people too." Y/n says as she walks as Duke follows her.

"Also them niggas at new York y'all were giving PC's to were doing to fucking much." Y/n says as she went towards the chip isle as duke grab some 'Hot cheetos'. "Yeah them niggas was buggin, acting crazy." Duke answers back Making y/n laugh. "Wait, I ain't get your name." Duke says as y/n stops in her tracks. "It's Y/n." Y/n bit her bottom lip as she continues walking.

"Pretty name for a pretty ass girl." Duke says making y/n smile. "I know nigga, don't play." Y/n and Duke laughed as they walk towards the register as they continue talking.

"Hey I know we just met, but can I get your number." Duke does his infamous rizz smile which y/n couldn't say no to. "Sure." Y/n agrees as duke offer his phone to her as she writes her number in his contacts. Y/n pulls out her wallet but duke stops her. "Nah let me pay for you." Duke insists. "Nah I'm a big girl I can pay for my own stuff, baby." Y/n smirks making duke heart melt. The way she said 'baby' made him feel some type of way. The man at the counter gave him the snacks in the bag.

"It was nice meeting you, y/n." Duke says as y/n looks up at him with a picture perfect smile. As duke and y/n head out of the store they grabbed their snack from inside the bag as there hands touch making them look at each other not breaking eye contact. Y/n kisses duke on the cheek as she smiles at him she comes closer and whispered in his ear. "Call me." Y/n whispers as she walks away from him as she walks towards her car.

Duke walks towards his car getting inside. "Yo, we saw everything outisde nigga, she want you for real." Kai smiles exciting hyping duke up.

"Did you get her number? That's the main question." Fanum asks duke. "Hell yeah, I got her number, nigga." Duke says as kai and fanum shouts hyping Duke up.

Duke starts the car as duke was telling the whole story the whole car ride home. They made it home as they was still talking about it. "You gonna text her?" Kai asks as duke thinks.

"I don't know bruh?" Duke responds not really sure what to do.

"Bro text her so she knows you interested don't boring with it though." Fanum gives duke some advice as they walked inside the house. "Not gonna lie I'm tired as hell." Kai yawns. "Alright I'm boutta go upstairs" Duke says. "Alright night, bro." Fanum says walking to his room.

Duke walked upstairs as he went inside his room, he heard phone buzzed as he turns his phone on he sees that you texted him.

"Y/n: You wanna go out for dinner?" Y/n texted making duke smile at tye response.

"Duke: yeah, why not?" Duke texted back.

"Y/n: cool, night." Y/n texted back as she smiles as she turns her phone off and still smiling at the thought of Duke.

Duke smiles as he turn his lights off making it too bed still thinking about y/n, he couldn't stop thinking about her, duke is grateful to have kai and fanum putting him out there.

He finally was himself again, and he wasn't thinking about Kali anymore, and for that he was happy to have someone new in his life.

[gabyun]

hii if you’re taking requests maybe a roller rink date with enhypen? (but like each member individually) and readers really good at skating😸

yes this is such a cute idea !! i actually just went rollerskating a few days ago so i think its funny how my first request is abt this, (btw tysm for requesting hehe) and i shall try my best to deliever.

⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧ how i imagine roller rink dates would go w enhypen

a/n : i hope it doesnt seem too repetitive, ive never even attempted an ot7 so i hope it came out well! (also sorry jungwons is so long wtf)

𐙚 - l.heeseung

roller skating is one of your favourite activities, but heeseung has always been a bit avoidant about it. you’ve mentioned it to him numerous times, but he always brushes it off saying he has been before but you honestly have started to doubt it as hes declined the idea, offering up something else. heeseung is always the kind of guy who likes to ‘show off’ toward you and he always wants to seem cool. so, after a really long time of asking over and over again, he finally agrees. you both arrive to the rink, and pay the money and ask for your shoe sizes. the employee hands you the roller skates, and you sit down and begin tying them up. you look over at him, extremely excited to skate with him after ages. you notice a very worried aura on him, and you ask "are you sure you’ve been roller skating before?" his head turns to you. "uhm, well-" "heeseung its okay if you havent, i can always teach you" he sighs and nods. "im sorry i made you think i know how to skate". you tell him that its okay and you think itll be a fun idea to teach him. you guys get on the rink, and your holding him up and keeping him steady. once you guys start going, (slowly, obviously) you go infront of him holding both of his hands while he steadies himself. he genuinely looks like a baby deer. you giggle, thinking that hes the cutest thing ever. (you guys obviously get icecream after to celebrate hees big accomplishment)

𐙚 - p.jay

its a late afternoon and you guys are laying on the couch together. "hey, y/n?" jay begins. "mm? whats up?" you look over at him. he turns his phone towards you, showing you a new roller skating arena that had opened the previous week. "do you wanna go tonight? theyre open until 11." you grab his arm excitedly. "do i wanna go!?! do i wanna go?!? hell yes i do, you should know its one of my favourite things!" you shoot up from your laying position, looking at him like a puppy. "yeah, thats why i asked babe." he says with a smile. you guys get ready and leave for the roller date. jay has gone roller skating before, but hes not the absolute greatest. he has wiped out a few times, falling straight on his butt. you guys arrive and put your shoes into these little cubbies and change into your roller skates. you get up, going back and forth infront of the seats whilst waiting for jay to finish up tying the laces. you notice hes done, and he gets up, slightly wobbly. you grab onto his hand leading him onto the rink. he regains his 'roller skating abilities' and you guys do laps around while holding hands.

𐙚 - s.jaeyun

jake has known about the fact that you enjoy roller skating, but you haven't talked much about it. so, one day he asked if you wanted to go roller skating for a date and you naturally complied. you were in his car, on the way to the roller rink. "im amazing at skating y/n." he brags. "oh really? im excited to see you skate then." you giggle. a couple more minutes pass and you arrive. the place is pretty huge. you guys are putting your skates on simultaneously and you’re ready to go. he stands in front of you, prepared to hold you up and guide you, but to his surprise you get up perfectly fine. so, you guys hold hands whilst leaving the roller skates exchange area thing, and get onto the real rink. "woah, y/n. you’re better then i thought you’d be." "yeah?" you replied, but you had a slight challenging tone in your voice. you let go of his hand, going in front of him and skating backwards, and doing a bunch of cool tricks. you were also much faster then him. "y/n?!?! why’d you never tell me you could skate so good." he said, extremely impressed but also disappointed. "i wanted to impress you, and plus i never really had the chance to show you my awesome skills." you make your way back beside him. "i get it, but i want you to tell me everything about you!" he perked his head up whilst saying that. "yes jake, of course." you pecked him on his cheek.

𐙚 - p.sunghoon

you’re quite aware that sunghoon has been competitively ice skating, so you wondered if he would be just as good at roller blading as you would be. you two arrived at the rink, putting the skates on. sunghoon and you whizzed around the roller rink, laughter bubbling between you both. you teased, "watch out, sunghoon! i might lap you!" sunghoon grinned, playfully stumbling, "you're just showing off now." you grabbed his hands, guiding him through twists and turns. "come on, ex-figure skater, keep up!" sunghoon chuckled, "i'm more of a blades guy, but i'll try my best." you guys raced, and eventually, sunghoon spun you into a dazzling twirl. breathless, you guys exchanged a look, and sunghoon teased, "not bad for a ‘starter’, huh?" you both sat down, worn out. "well, y/n. our next date is definitely gonna be ice skating. now i need to show off to you." you giggled, "whatever you say hoon."

𐙚 - k.sunoo

you and sunoo loved going on little dates or hangouts. you guys would much rather be out doing something, rather then laying in bed (which you guys still loved doing.) so, you guys ended up at the relatively new roller rink place. you payed the employee and they handed you the roller skates. as you and him entered, sunoo looked a bit unsure in his skates. you, the experienced skater, reassured him, "just follow my lead, sunoo!" you guys navigated the rink, sunoo clinging to your hand for stability. "i feel like a baby giraffe on wheels," he admitted, earning a giggle. you grinned, "you'll get the hang of it!" after a few wobbly rounds, sunoo found his rhythm, and soon, you guys were twirling and laughing together. sunoo pulled off a clumsy spin, and Y/N cheered, "see! look how good you’ve become!" afterwards, you guys went to the local diner and had your favourite drinks. it became a memory you and him always looked back on.

𐙚 - y.jungwon

you were sitting at home, bored out of your mind. you heard the consistent buzzing of your phone from beside you, and you grabbed it. it said that "wonnie💗" is calling, so you immediately picked up. "hii won!" you said. "hi y/nnie, do you wanna go out tonight?" "yeah of course i do, i love hanging out with you." "okay okay, ill be there soon." he hung up, and you excitedly got up to begin getting ready. you were curious as to where you guys were going. you arrived to the place, and it had bright neon lights saying "roller skating arena" and your eyes immediately lit up. "I thought it would be fun!" jungwon smiled at you, eyes crinkling. you both entered, and put on the skates and some other equipment. as you both circled the rink, jungwon's skating skills proved a bit unsteady, but his enthusiasm was infectious. you, the experienced skater, couldn't help but tease, "you've got that 'deer on ice' vibe, jungwon." he chuckled, "yeah, well, it's a work in progress." your guys laughter echoed as you glided side by side, the rhythmic hum of wheels beneath you creating a soundtrack to your guys joy. you decided to show off a few spins, gracefully twirling around. jungwon's eyes widened, "okay, that's impressive. teach me your secrets!" he whined. as you tried to guide him through a spin, jungwon's legs wobbled, and he almost took a tumble. your quick reflexes kicked in, and you steadied him with a grin, "you should be glad i was beside you" you joke. he blushed and smiled his dimples peaking through, "maybe i need more practice." but practice didn't matter in that moment as you guys continued, sharing laughter, playful banter, and the genuine joy of navigating the twists and turns of a roller rink and a budding romance together.

𐙚 - n.riki

you and niki were at an amusement park and had gone on a bunch of different rides. you clung onto his arm whilst you guys walked around the rest of the park. you guys turned a different way, into a section of the park you both were unfamiliar with. a decently large place with the words "roller skating" on it was right infront of you guys. you and niki, in sync turned to look directly at each other, slowly smiling. so, before you knew it you were both helping each other put knee pads on. niki had a little bit of experience, but he wasnt entirely amazing at it. so, you guys were giggling looking at each other, slowly gaining balance and making your way toward the rink. you spun around him in a circle, showing off your skills "y/n what the hell thats so cool?! i wanna try!!" so, he begins trying to spin in little circles and its going well and you’re cheering him on, until he completely lost balance toppling over you. you both are groaning in pain, but look at each other for a few seconds and begin uncontrollable laughing. it was a cute moment you guys shared. your ass really hurt afterwards though so you guys took a quick break before continuing.

[ekrubynaffit]

Gonna get things off my chest post

So I haven't been very active in almost a year, and I can say because it's been a really horrible hard year for us. My eldest who is nearly 16 was attacked in June last year by a group of kids while he was out with his girlfriend celebrating their one year anniversary, he had his shoes stolen right off his feet and was whacked round the back of his head and one of the kids (there were 12-14 kids around just those 2) tried to force him up so they could all take a turn trying to beat him up. Since then he's been suffering from anxiety and depression and ptsd. He's gone missing in the dead of night twice and has said on multiple occasions he wants to end things. We are still in court proceedings as because of his footage the police were able to itendify these kids as the same group that have been doing calculated gay bashings to adult men and almost leaving them for dead at times. So far they have been charged with 11 of these hate crimes plus my sons, so it has been a very long stressful process for us! We are still waiting on counselling for him and are getting really desperate for help from the mental health sector.

Then just before christmas my husband had COVID and now has been diagnosed with long COVID, has been having heart and lung problems and a lot of lack of sleep and then to top it off, diagnosed with high cholestrol, and now they want to send him for tests for colon cancer. So thats a whole lot of new stress as we were told this at the start of the week.

Because of the stress my mental health has taken a toll and the final straw came for me when I sat watching a show and started bawling like I'd lost my best friend when a character died. So I went to the docs for medication which has been helping. To top that all off I have really bad back problems lately that I was sure was siatica but tests have shown absolutely nothing wrong, but yet the pain is indeed real!

So long story short, life is shit right now, and if anyone reading this feels like they are suffering mental health (or any health problem) please get it checked! If you have a lot on your plate and feeling the strain the first thing needed is to help yourself so you can be there for others!

So today I've finally had a chance to sit down and open my sims, its been almost a year and I found this build in the works, which is a reno of one of my first builds I ever uploaded to mts! Hopefully I can work on this more and get it finished!

Sorry for the big long story, I don't usually talk about my personal life here, but opening up the game made me realise I haven't used the sim as my stress relief in almost a year just wanted to share why I haven't been very active.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi Ms PMD9🌸a lot of wild stuff has been happening in my life lately but it's in a good way I feel? I could never find the time to slow down for my usual hobbies because I've been so.. interested in what I'm doing IRL which is pretty e.O. Quite a new emotion for me! I started college a few weeks back & have been slowly getting out of my shell & just did a handful of days ago! :-) I was feeling pretty lonely in campus & felt a bit lost in what to do so I turned to my tarot deck & knowing her, she just gave me more confirmation for my intuition on what I needed to do (which is just to reach out first).

As a guy who doesn't typically do that sort of thing, it felt ...Nerve wracking but I eventually did to the first guy who came into mind out of all the people in my block & it went pretty well! It's only now that I understand how good it feels to take control of your life because, well... you're the one who's living it so might as well. It's only in recent years that I realized I let relationships happen to me so stepping out of that circle was a "woah" moment.

I know the people around me there are likeminded people considering the course I chose, it's just that I haven't gotten to know them very well yet(& the fact that we see each other in-person twice a week isn't helping lol), so I want to take more steps forward, even if I'm a bit late in doing so. I trust that where I am is a place for me to grow more as an individual & in situations like these, I could feel it.

this makes me happy 😭🙏 thanku for sharing your good life progress w me... At the end you said you think you're a bit late in doing stuff like this but no need to be hard on yourswlf i dont think thats true : ) Many people of all ages struggle to reach out & initiate social activities , it can get hard once ur older too And no longer in a setting like school so i think youre right on track 👍

its inspiring ur taking initiative and recognizing the power to shape your life comes from You first ^_^ Enjoying irl is the most important its why ive not been online lately i feel kind of bad cus i hope no one on here thinks i am a neglectful friend/mutual i just really want to make sure im enjoying being presence. A lot of stuff has been happening in a upward spiral for me too since i been taking control of my reality So i relate to this message a lot even if we are at fdifferent stages in life 🐎

Keep doing your think and following your intuition ➡️ Never be afraid to make the first move ;D Thankyou again for messaging 🪷 idk why im answering at 1am but i hope ur having a pleasant eclipseful night Anon 🌕💛 PMD9!

[sioneve]

Love Live Shopping Haul

this arrived last week… Love Live artbook by one of my favorite illustrator, Noizi Ito-sensei…. 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏

I started a new segment #sioneve blog because I need a place to VENT MY FANGIRLING........ twitter limits my fangirl capacity due to that word limit

THIS IS REALLY special because i have been following noizi ito-sensei since the beginning of my exposure to anime (thank you shana & haruhi). And kid you not, i was surprised to find out that she draws a lot of Love Live Art

MOREOVER, THE FIRST ART THAT I DISCOVERED WAS NICOMAKI…CAN YOU FEEL WHAT I FEEL? DISCOVERING THAT YOUR FAVORITE ILLUSTRATOR DRAWS YOUR FAVORITE OTP AND FRANCHISE….. 🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️

honestly i haven't found much information if Ito-sensei is actually part of the official art team? Because for a fan she sure draws Love Live a LOT… which i'm blessed for that (Reading her message in the artbook, looks like only a fan, but she did a cover art for Love Live Anthology)

this is her illustration that broke me, I remember I made a post about it on facebook

GIRL LITTLE DID YOU KNOW YOU WILL HAVE THAT PHYSICAL ARTBOOK OF ITO-SENSEI 9 YEARS LATER…..

Here are some of my favorites from the artbook!

AND THIS IS THE MAIN STAR ☺️ nkmk doujin by the nkmk god itself, the one and only ooshima tomo-sensei ☺️🙏

tbh ooshima-sensei works aren't really my cup of tea. i can't feel the love between the pair if you get it??? maki is way too hornY and aggressive 100% of the time (in GL i prefer fluffy, soft, pure love & fuwafuwa and thats why you'll never see me making NSFW) + had to tape it because i don't want people in my house to accidentally open it 💀

But this Crystal Sugar and Machine Gun Series is so good, had a nice story build-up, superb angsty story and superb art. So this one is an exception, thank you for your service

Extra I bought it all secondhand, fortunate enough there's a local marketplace that put these gems up for auction. It was posted a few months ago and I just saw it this week, I thought I was too late BUT THEN THESE BOOKS WAS STILL AVAILABLE! Is this destined to be my possesion?? ahh I will treasure it I'm starting to get actively collecting Love Live merchandise now that I can earn my own money, hopefully I can make a Maki shrine this year

[milksnake-tea]

hey guys 🙈🙈🙈 semi vent under the cut but it's an explanation for my recent lack of activity

idk if yall have noticed or if im just paranoid but i'm really really sorry for the lack of activity as of late (esp since i haven't really been putting that much writing out lately). i would chalk it up somewhat to school, but it's also because rn i might ???? actually idk i might be in a depressive episode or smth because i can't find joy in writing rn or like i'm getting too critical of myself and so nothing i write makes me satisfied or proud of it. maybe im getting burnt out from school. maybe i need to stop treating this blog like a job. maybe i should stop making promises or comparing myself to others. idk. but YEAHHH thats basically the gist of what's happening, idk when i'm going to bounce back but i really hope i can bc god lord i love this blog wayyy too much to dip. justt sigh maybe i'll try doing the quests in hsr that i haven't yet, w penacony in i think the inspiration might hit me again, so idk !!! just that's the reason why i havent been that active, again i'm really sorry for that. maybe i should just stick to making silly drabbles LMAOOOO OKAY THANK YALL FOR LISTENING FOR THIS YAPPING SESSION 🙈🙈 HOPEFULLY ILL GET BACK ON SCHEDULE SOON

[briansastro10]

Day 7: First 9 days of Lancaster

The atmosphere is casual and bustling with activity. YANG sits at a table, looking determined. JAUNE and RUBY, both nervous and fidgety, take a seat across from each other.

Yang: *leaning forward* Alright, you two. We're here to have a good time, so let's break the ice! Jaune, Ruby, why don't you start by introducing yourselves?

Jaune: *looking down, mumbling* Uh, h-hi, I'm J-Jaune Arc. Nice to, uh, meet you…

Ruby: *nervously twirling her hair* H-hey, I'm Ruby Rose. It's, um, nice to meet you too…

Yang: *irritated* YOU ALREADY INTRODUCE YOURSELF 50 TIMES IN YOUR ROOM!!

the sudden burst didnt make the situation better, so Yang took a deep breath before she continue.

Yang: Calming down Why dont we open up with something new? How old are you two? Are you in any clubs?

Yang: energetically Alright, let's try something else. Since you both are in college, what courses are you taking?

Jaune: nervously I-I'm studying software engineering.

Ruby: softly I'm majoring in art.

Yang smiles, happy to see them sharing their academic interests.

Yang: So how's your course do you enjoy it?

Ruby: Y-yes..

Jaune: Y yeah..

Yang waited and realises they've finished their sentence, and to keep the conversation flowing she ask again.

Yang: That's great! You both have unique paths, combining creativity and technology. So, what about extracurricular activities? Are you involved in any clubs or groups?

Jaune and Ruby exchange awkward glances, clearly uncomfortable with the question.

Jaune: avoiding eye contact Uh, No… I haven't really joined any clubs.

Ruby: nervously Yeah, me neither.

Yang notices their hesitation and tries to think of another way to find common ground.

Yang: thinking Hmm, maybe you both know someone in common? Like a mutual friend or someone from your classes?

Jaune: shaking his head I don't think so. I don't go out often

Ruby: disappointed I haven't really had the chance to meet many people outside of my art class.

Yang pauses for a moment, realizing that finding a common friend might not be as easy as she thought.

Yang: annoyed Come on, guys! Stop with the Dry answers!! We need to find something to talk about. This is supposed to be an opportunity to get to know each other better.

Ruby and Jaune lower their heads, feeling guilty for their inability to keep the conversation flowing.

Just as Yang is about to scold them, both Ruby and Jaune's phones simultaneously emit a notification sound. They glance at their screens and see that their favorite game has released a new update with exciting gacha banners. They looked at each other, Not sure on how to make the first move

Ruby: Shyly Do you play that game too?

Jaune: U-mmm Yeah… I do, I've spend most of my free time playing it. There's a character I wanted to get.

Ruby: Ooh! Me too!! I've been trying to pull this one specific character for weeks! They have such powerful abilities.

Jaune: Smiles I actually managed to get that character recently! They're a game-changer, for sure.

Yang watches with relief as Ruby and Jaune engage in an animated conversation, their shyness fading away.

Yang: smiling See? You both have something in common that you're passionate about. It's a great conversation starter.

Ruby starts to feel happy. realises thats its nice to have someone to talk to.

Ruby: Hey Jaune, There's this mission that requires two player. Would you like to play with me?

Jaune: nervously I-I would love to! That sounds like a lot of fun.

Ruby's face lights up with excitement as they exchange shy smiles.

Yang: teasingly Looks like you two are hitting it off.

Ruby and Jaune both blush at Yang's remark.

Ruby: softly Y-yeah, Let's exchange numbers.

They take out their phones and quickly swap numbers, their fingers slightly trembling with nervousness.

Jaune: looking at the time Actually, I should probably get going soon. It's getting late.

Ruby: Oh, alright. Thanks for coming over and talking with me, Jaune.

Jaune: sincerely No problem, Ruby. I had a great time too. And don't worry, we'll play that mission together soon.

Ruby smiles, appreciating Jaune's reassurance.

Yang: Take Care Jaune

Jaune: Thanks a lot. I'll see you guys back.

Ruby and Yang bid Jaune farewell as he gathers his things and leaves the restaurant.

Ruby: Under her breath My.. First…

Yang: curious Hey, Ruby, is everything okay? You seem a bit flustered. Did you say something?

Ruby: looking down, blushing Oh, um, well… It's just that… this is the first time I've ever had a boy's phone number.

Yang: Well there's first time in everything.

Yang's eyes widen in surprise in her realization. That she introduce Her sister to a boy!!

Yang: *In her head* Face palming and hitting herself to an imaginary wall I've become the thing I've sworn to destroy!!

[br1ghtestlight]

tagged by @goldendoodlerlockerlove!! but making my own post bcuz i didnt want to continue the long reblog chain ty

1. spell your name in songs

L - lipstick covered magnet by the front bottoms

I - i really like you by carly rae jepsen

G - got it in you by banners

H - here for you by antony kos

T - turning out by ajr

2. why did you choose your URL?

its a reference to a scene in inanimate insanity AND a wordplay on my name. we've still got our brightest light in the game :)

3. what is your middle name?

i guess i dont have one?? idk its hard enough for me to try and find a new first name or last name and now i gotta find a middle name too??? maybe i'll keep my original middle name idk depends on what my other legal names are. my sister gave me my middle name based on a plant she saw outside the hospital when i was born but thats all im gonna say

4. if you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?

idk a dragon? Surely there can't be that many mythical creatures. maybe i would be a tyler bungard ?????

5. favorite color?

yellow. or maybe pink it depends on the day

6. song you love right now?

burn the house down by ajr maybe. i actually haven't been listening to music very much lately in an effort to catch up to the 1000 youtube video essays i missed but burn the house down is a GOOD song and very gene-coded. to me

7. top four fandoms?

uhh that im actively involved in??

bob's burgers

inanimate insanity

one

adventure time? that's like one of my only other fandom tags on tumblr sooo. or maybe tgamm but im not really in the fandom for that

[thequietkid-moonie]

Hey moonie hru? Grahh the slides might have to wait the Alice in wonderland one bc I need to somehow find a way too like um add a background in phone or some bc like I don't like the white b it's so bland to me, but hru?? I hope your good unfortunately I'm not which is why i haven't been active like at all, but in getting a bit ish better which is good!

Boom brisky comfort character

I have problems with drawing backgrounds, thats why I never draw them 🤭

Well, I been having messy troublesome days, going from up to down, im sorry you have been having a bad time lately, hopefuly we both get better soon !!

im cheering for you Nexi 🩷

Also, cute comfort character! It is from Hunter x Hunter? It looks like that author's style

[clatoera]

uni application season has made me drop off the face of the earth so i'm extremely late coming to this chapter... but omg glim glam and cato.. TRAUMA BONDING?!?!?

cato with a gun. that's the entire review.

i love how simple this chapter is with the most infinite lore ever!!! clove can cook! what! how did that start, what was her favorite recipe, does she partake in... girl dinner?? so many questions.

glimmer with finnick kind of gives the platonic soulmates vibe. i just love how comfortable they are with each other and how much they have this underlying love & respect towards each other even though the other can fuck them over. ugh my beautiful capitol ruined babies.

"“It is. But you can’t change it now. I want to hate you, Finnick. I want to hate you, but then I remember being seventeen and terrified and in pain and you being the only one who could sit with me while I cried in the shower. I want to hate you but you were the one who carried me home after those terrible procedures, every time I cried because I thought I was bleeding to death, Finnick... I want to hate you but it’s hard to hate you when you look so pathetic.” Glimmer takes the risk, reaching her hand out to place it on top of Finnick’s. “How can I hate you, after we ended up in the same terrible sinking boat again.”"

LIKE WHAT? do you have no shame in just ripping out my heart in broad daylight?!?! 'it's hard to hate you when you look so pathetic' is so funny but so sad when you compare it to katniss saying it's hard to be angry at someone who cries so often back in mockingjay. UGH. justice for finnick, he better not die this time around.

CATO WITH A GUN. cato... with a GUN. there should be a hunger games with pipe bombs in it and i think we should place cato in it just for the giggles. i also love how the second they're back with weapons they just revert back to the academy mindset of Kill The Enemy which used to be other tributes but now has morphed into actual treason. well! sucks to be snow i guess! especially now that glim glam is getting her pink gun (which is also bejeweled in my mind)

love it as always! love u! it's all amazing thank u!

Hi bestie! I understand! I am actively working on residency applications as well so I totally understand. I'm actually waiting for my board scores to be released Wednesday so thats why I haven't posted/written another chapter yet, I am literally in too much distress to think of anything else until wednesday afternoon (think of me bc i'm going through it).

Cato and Glimmer trauma bonding was immediately part of the plan once I decided to take Glim Glam to 13. That was a without a doubt going to happen sort of situation if they were together here.

Thank you! The whole idea if these couple of chapters is to establish their lives in 13 and what will happen in a world without the people they love and without anyone to ground them!

Soooo yes Clove can cook. That comes from her childhood, in which she was a neglected little girl in charge of her own meals and keeping herself alive. She learned how to make her little sandwiches and keep herself afloat another day, at like..6...before she went to training at the academy. It compounded in her adult hood as a way to use her knives and keep up to date on fine knifework skills. I think she really got into it once she won and had the time and means to try new recipes. They seem like steak people. Good roast chicken people. I think Miss Clove would participate in girl dinner if not for the fact she's also responsible for feeding her 6'3 man friend who most definitely could not survive on girl dinner with grapes and rice crackers.

Glimmer and Finnick..have gone through a LOT together. They are TRULY trauma bonded and have been working on that bond about 7 years tbh. They have gone through a LOT and they went through a lot TOGETHER. They love each other and they DO respect each other, after all they've been through, they are life long friends. As they deserve.

I did hope it would rip your heart out, if for no other reason than I think it's fun to hear your reaction. I kid i kid but seriously the heart to heart HAD to happen. They had to make up from the whole "hahah no I didn't tell you about a whole rebellion" thing. And while she isn't happy about it, she can't hate him anymore. Not after what they've experienced together and also...because he DOES look pathetic with his little knots.

Cato with a MF gun. That can't even entirely be credited to me. That was honestly @ohhowwehavefallen sending me a tik tok that sent this into existence. She should get credit tbh.

Being back with weapons like..it's almost a comfort for them. It's how they were raised, it's like your favorite stuffed animal after not seeing it for a long time. This is what they know! Weapons! Kill! Enjoy treason! Glimmer has a bedazzled glock everyone watch out!

thank you thank you thank you my love! I am sorry this took me so long, I have been stressing MASSIVE amounts over these exam scores and it's disoriented me!

love you long time bb @lwveless

[ase-trollplays]

A Stern Talking To

It's been about two nights since the incident at the coffee shop, and you haven't really put much thought into the aftermath of what you did. You probably broke the law assaulting a seadweller since they're supposed to be royalty, and you're the bottom of the barrel on the spectrum. However, that's not a concern right now. You're not going back to that cafe, and you're definitely not going to see him again, so why dwell on it?

You're on your bed with a bag of hivemaid jerky listening to troll Pandora Radio as you log into trollian. It's been a month since you heard from Darius, and you're hoping he's online so you can message him for the millionth time. He probably won't answer, but you still want to try. After all, he hasn't blocked you yet, so there's still hope.

However, tonight he's not online, much to your disappointment. With a sigh, you prepare to log out when something catches your eye. You see Thiomi sign into trollian, and before you even get the chance to blink, a message window opens with her contacting you.

--chronicallyMousey [CM] began trolling sandstormHuntress [SH]-- CM: ...corali primer... )//:<

Uh oh. She used your full name and sent an angry face. Fucking hell, what's she mad at you for now?

SH: What's the problem? CM: ...do you realize youre all over troll tiktok right now assaulting a highblood doctor at the coffee shop???...

... Wait what.

SH: What do you mean I'm all over troll tiktok? CM: ...i mean youre *all over troll tiktok!*... ...s-someone was filming you and posted it online... and now its going viral!... ...i doubt theres a s-single troll anywhere who hasnt at least heard of it... let alone seen it... SH: Sonuva bitch. SH: I didn't know someone was recording that.

That's a bold faced lie. If anything, knowing you were being filmed encouraged you. It reminded you of the kind of attention you get in the ring, which has been dwindling since you've been complete ass in your matches lately. Except that time you were going to win, and you did.

However, that's not something you can tell Thiomi. She'd lose her mind, and she's upset enough with you as is. You wanted to take it even further than that single punch, but it's looking like restraining yourself was the better option.

CM: ... i cant believe you... ...what even led up to that?... ...thats one of the calmest places you can go... ...how on alternia did you wind up s-starting a fight??... SH: It ain't really a fight when the other person's spent after a single punch. CM: ...thats not helping your case... corali... SH: He provoked me. You know I don't cotton to highbloods. I told him not to sit with me, and he decided to anyways. I warned him. chronicallyMousey holds her head in her hands and sighs in frustration and disbelief CM: ...i know you dont like highbloods... but you couldnt have just ignored him??... ...its just a s-seat... ...was he taunting you about your caste or s-something?... ...or actively threatening you?...

Thinking back on it, he never threatened you or even called you a single name. He was really fucking annoyed and mad at you, but technically you showed aggression first.

You're quiet for what's probably way too long because you know Thiomi's not going to like the answer. Not that you have to even give her one. Your silence is answer enough.

CM: ...do you even realize how much trouble youre in?... ...and im not talking about with me... either... ...what if he has quadrants that decide to come after you?... ...what if he has legislacerators convict you?!... ...you could die or have your life ruined because you lost your temper!...

You're tempted to correct her about losing your temper. If you had truly lost it, you would have given him that gut punch or gored him with the retractable blade in your hand. No, what you did was wriggler mode.

However, you're not a complete idiot, so you keep that to yourself.

SH: If he's got angry quads, I say let them come. I'm more than equipped to handle any fight. As for the legis, I'll figure something out. CM: ...you dont know that!... CM: ...they could be a hitman... or a s-sniper... or s-something!... ...s-someone you cant beat by punching and s-stabbing... CM: ...and if legislacerators get involved... youre not going to win the case... ...not when theres viral video evidence against you... CM: ...and thats not even considering darius...

That gives you pause.

SH: What's Darius got to do with this? CM: ...you know hes definitely s-seen that video by now... right?... CM: ...how is he s-supposed to believe youre trying to change and be better when *thats* circulating?... CM: ...the whole reason youre trying to quit is to earn back his trust and faith in you... ...well... this might have just blown it all away...

... Shit. FUCK. You didn't even consider that. You don't have a rebuttal. She's got you dead to rights. The whole reason you agreed to get sober is for Darius's sake. You want him to trust you again. You want him to love you again. You want him to forgive you.

You may have just destroyed any progress you made. Sure, he never answers your calls or replies to your messages, but he hasn't blocked you. That means he's at least listening when you try to contact him. You've been giving him updates on how your sobriety is going and the progress you're making in addition to apologizing and begging him to talk to you.

What if he was starting to come around, and then he sees you...

The message notification beep from your husktop snaps you out of your thoughts.

CM: ...im s-sorry im being s-so hard on you... but you have to do better... ...you have to be better than this... CM: ...i just want to help you do whats best for you... ...believe me... i want darius to let you back into his life as much as you do... and i want to s-see you be healthier... SH: Yeh, yeh, I know. I'm sorry. CM: ...im not the one who needs an apology...

Oh no. You have a bad feeling about what she's going to say next.

CM: ...i need you to make a promise to me that if you ever s-see that doctor again... youll apologize to him...

God dammit, you were right.

SH: So, what. You want me to tell him how sorry I am, how he didn't deserve that, and beg him to forgive me? chronicallyMousey sighs. CM: ...you don't have to s-say anything you dont want to... ...you dont even have to mean it... ...just tell him that youre s-sorry... ...thats all i want from you... CM: ...can you promise me youll do that?... SH: Ugh SH: Yeah, sure, I guess. CM: ...i want you to promise me... SH: I promise if I ever see him again, I'll apologize. CM: ...thank you... (//:3 SH: So, are we done here. I got a lot to think about now. CM: ...okay... CM: ...have a good night... --chronicallyMousey [CM] gave up trolling sandstormHuntress [SH]--

You heave a big sigh and fall backwards onto your bed as you close your husktop. Thiomi's right about Darius probably seeing that video by now. Should you message him explaining yourself?

...

...

...

Yeah, but not right now. Right now, you just want to eat jerky and think about what you've done.

[babieken]

Ugh I've been surviving hey, had to take a break from k-pop there for a while and touch base with my music roots (so to speak), that's why I haven't been very active lately😅

And Miguel O'hera (?) I have no idea who that is... I've heard the new spiderman is good, a friend of mine has been trying to get me to go watch it but I am kinda over Marvel at the moment.

Oooh! What colour are you dying your bangs?? I wish I could have bangs but I have a cowlick and 0 energy for that kind of maintenance😑

Ahhhh thats understandable kdnfkd also sorry im answering this so late ive been mostly sleeping the past 2 days.

He's a character in the the spider man animated movie!!!! Ive been over marvel since endgame and havent cared for most of their newer movies (except no way home) and any of the tv shows but the animated spider man (both the first and the second) aren't related to the mcu! Ngl i didnt care all that much abt the first one even tho it was objectively a really good movie but the second one i have been OBSSESED WITH. Everything abt it is perfection.

Jdjdkd i dyed my bangs grey ish!!! It was meant to be silver but i was too lazy to bleach twice to get all the orange out, so i had to go darker but its very cute!!! Honestly dyed bangs (unless died a bright fun color) are pretty low maintenance. They don't look back with grown roots!

[oh-my-damn]

The most concerning part is that people feel the need to be so rude to each other//

💯 And what kills are the loudest ones are the most rude, then they get upset when people call them on it. Like fuck, I’ve had better conversations with my son and his friends and they’re definitely not grown ass adults…this shit is getting old.

Calling people names, making fun of what they believe, doubling down and being even more rude when their actions are clearly displayed….I’m fucking tired man. I’m going back to just writing my fics. Fuck all the rest of this

Lol theres a reason why i havent been as active on here lately and its that exact reason

Its just plain exhausting

Which is why what youve mostly seen on my dash are the RP asks and stuff. Ive gotten a lot about Chris etc but I haven't posted them bc I just can't be bothered anymore

I know what I think and I know not everyone will agree, and thats fine. It doesnt matter. I wont be going to war for my beliefs bc they literally dont matter 😂😂

When all is said and done, not a single person on here knows the actual facts. We'll see what happens, im just along for the ride lmao

[virentdivision]

self review

these are all tags from one post here a couple months ago

#but i think what i've been trying to do is STOP fixing my art and just learn to make more drawings and move on

I have leant into this belief ✅ and it's good, though nuanced... as I don't want to start a lot of drawings, I like to take my time even on flawed artwork, ideally. I'm more leisurely. I try to avoid negative feelings, and if I truly feel a lack of interest, I will just erase it and start over. I try to build healthy attachments and relationships with my artworks.

#because everything i ever draw i dont post. i spend days on fixing it. ... I still do this but I have less of an issue about it due to me placing incentives that allow legroom while still putting a bit of pressure. Such as, "I have to queue up something for captaindark once every week..." It's subjective and easygoing enough, but is a tangible structure for me to take solace in. I'm not all or nothing incentives anymore. ... and i lose interest because i got new ideas during it... cycle repea#thats why i have 1000 wips / unposted art This is only an issue SOMETIMES! Since most days I am actually weaponizing this positively for my OC projects. The only time in recent times this happened negatively was when I was drawing in front of people and distracted myself. I can't tell if that's net negative or net positive, but I did still do stuff that I considered productive during it, and ultimately, all art has meaning. I just wouldn't want to go overboard and abandon the projects that have MORE meaning to me (and others) personally. #and i hope that i develop the artstyles i want#which is what i've been thinking about a lot lately ❌ No and Yes ?? ✅ ❌: I'm starting to not care about drawing to obtain style. When I start drawing things that make me think this way, I try to avoid this way of thinking and push past it into whatever style comes naturally in that moment. It actually takes a lot of mental effort to disengage with such perfectionist habitual thought, but I'm in a creative high so it's easier than before. As in, it's still hard, but I have more creative energy to spend instead of having to give up too soon. ✅: I've realized I have a style. I just might not like it, and honestly, the reasons for why I don't like it are kind of nebulous and stupid and based in perfectionist thought, so I'm active on uprooting that. Hopefully I see fruition of my efforts soon! I would love to see some abundant visible change on it, have wanted to for months or maybe years regarding my captaindark blog artworks specifically. #there will be no progress if i dont post. ❌ No, and I've learned this thanks to my OC projects giving me a tangible sense of progress even if I'm actively avoiding showing what I'm doing. And that mindset has crossed over to everything else I do. When I start working on those other things, I maintain my creative high outlook and realize "oh, so it's this way, here too" right? I kind of don't know yet since I haven't started a bunch of work in other stuff (which is a good thing right now) but that's what makes sense, and I'll probably purposely make the realization happen.

#i just don't want posting to feel forced...)

I have leant into this belief ✅ and it's good, though nuanced... Same with my art, I'm trying to "build healthy attachments and relationships" with my blogs. I don't like twt, so I'll just post there in a way that makes me forget about it. Even if there's value to posting there, I just don't feel like it, so I compromise and do what I want. That way, when I get nice reactions, it's a pleasant surprise that I don't have to dwell on about.

even if i don't have anyone looking#(that's mostly a faultdue to me being shy and not posting to where people will see it... I actually still think about my lack of audience sometimes, but it's such a mixed train of thought. Because... I like being reserved and "safe" ... but I want to build something for myself, too. Then I imagine, what if I release a game and pretty much no one bothers to play it? But I don't really believe that thought, since an artwork as well rounded and tangible as a game existing in my gallery is a building block to something that will attract attention eventually. Even if it's only the few people you care about and directly told them to play. Even if people don't understand the message or didn't like it that much. I think I would still overall feel pretty good about it, since I'm practical about gaining experience. We'll see.