#thats the kind of thing shes wearing
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i wanted to try drawing older Mabel and Dipper !
#gravity falls#mabel pines#dipper pines#artists on tumblr#tbob#not gonna lie im not too sold on these designs so i may change things later if i ever wanna draw them again#i was looking at their old character designs and concept art for inspiration#mabel lowkey looks like a fashion mess but! i think its in character so whatevvsss#also firm believer that they both have glasses. mabel doesnt wear contacts bc she likes fun frames + contacts are too uncomfortable for her#dipper doesnt wear contacts because hes too busy for contacts and he can never put them in right#also took some insp from kristen schaal. alex hirsch. ariel hirsch. jason ritter for them too#also. i know dipper is shown to be a STEM-y kid but i firmly am a believer hes a STEM enjoyer in the service of art. like the fanfiction#writer thats studies physics or chemistry to get a certain detail right or something. or the entire futurama writers room lol#like i do think he wants to make documentaries or shows abt the supernatural or whatever#and mabel helps out with the adventuring :)#kind of like buzzfeed unsolved in the golden era of youtube#turtlearts
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I love Deanna Troi because she’s representative of an autistic experience you don’t see on TV a lot which is “I learned all about human interaction the same way that one might learn about cool bugs so I know what makes people tick and in THEORY I know the right things to say in social situations but socializing like that is not the least bit natural to me and I don’t know what to do if the situation doesn’t match up with what I studied.” Except for her instead of having JUST learned about human interaction she is also psychic and so she partially relies on that too.
The episode where she loses her powers and suddenly cannot read people at all, not even to the level humans usually can, totally screws up trying to give therapy, and becomes so distraught she tries to resign from her job as a therapist, is so real. Like listen if she wasn’t autistic that wouldn’t have been such a big deal. Deanna Troi is an empath with low empathy, she’s using her psychic powers to compensate for her symptoms.
Also the episode where she hears some annoying music and completely loses her mind about it and screams and sobs and must be put into a medically induced coma because she’s so upset by the music and the alien that made her hear the annoying music seems genuinely confused about why it bothered her so much (meaning that like, that wasn’t the intended or normal effect of his annoying music ability).
Even outside those episodes where it’s so obvious though, everything she says to people tends to read as extremely scripted, like she knows it’s what she ought to say but it isn’t what she would say if she was just being herself. Queen of masking. What is the real you like, if you even still have one? She’s just like me for real
#also we can pretend that shes wearing those stupid outfits bc she had some kind of sensory issue w the uniform and got accommodations#even though of course in real life the reason she was in those outfits was just sexism being prioritized over uniform regulations =(#oh AND her thing about chocolate. thats her safe food and there is no WAY everyone else is so bothered by replicator versions of food#star trek#star trek tng#deanna troi
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if theres one thing this move has done to me it has made me addicted to throwing shit out
#literally threw out sm cheap jewelry that i accumulated throughout middle and high school#plus my phase in early undergrad where i was obsessed with buying random necklaces and bracelets from street stalls#like dont get me wrong im keeping a few cool things but i dont need like 13 pairs of nondescript stud earrings from H&M 😭#i do kind of consider myself a jewelry collector bc my mom passed down a lot of cool pieces she got in 1990s beograd#and a family friend left me a lot of her jewelry when she passed#and ive gotten some cool things on etsy#+ my relatives have given me a lot of beautiful serbian filigree#so i don’t mind having slightly more jewelry than im going to realistically get a lot of wear out of#but it was getting out of control and my collection was getting bloated with dumb stuff i bought kind of mindlessly#also by ‘’throwing out’’ i mostly mean im gonna try to see if any thrift shops in the area want the stuff thats still in good condition lol
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Feel like talking about Ryoma gender
#its kind of complicated.#i don't think you could call them a woman or a girl in the. original sense#Ryoma at her base is genderless methinks#and they wear a shiny coat of#girl over it#and they sometimes feel masculine too#but still present femenine bc thats what they like !#ryoma presenting femenine is like drag to me#so Ryoma is not a woman ! not a man either but she can be a girl or a girly? thang#thats why i call them a thing most of the time thats the most accurate descriptor kshdkshdsjdh#goated witht he gender fluid#gender sauce#Ryoma
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This is technically a Diana's age poll but I framed it partially around Julia's rescue because that's the event I need to contextualize and whether or not Diana is a thing yet is p important for my purposes. I would keep the Pérez run and postcrisis continuity in mind when answering this bc that's when this is relevant but I'd keep in mind that even though Diana is very young there (like early 20s) we don't know I don't think if she ages differently as a child (esp as a themysciran AND being made from clay) and in some versions she is older than she looks and was made earlier
Edit: I accidentally logic-ed this out in the tags lol 🤦♀️but feel free to still vote however you want. Going to publish this anyway bc I think I made some good points later in my tags
#blah#the 45 years is a guesstimation of julias age w her being in her late 40s#bc she has a middle school aged daughter which would make you lean a bit younger but shes also highly respected prof at harvard (is she the#dept head? i think so. and has a career that would suggest older. and shes also drawn middle aged so 🤷♀️#i would say late 40s early 50s for her honestly. but i moved it down a lil bit bc of vanessas age#wait shit i may have contradicted logic here bc wasnt the diana trevor stuff supposed to have happened before dianas birth. and that was#wwii. which would be btwn 42 and 45 years. BC PÉREZ!TREVOR IS OLD I FORGOT THAT#okay so actually there still could be a question of what happened first the timeline would just be much shorter#but then wouldnt julias family be boating during wwii? that makes no sense#im definitely thinkimg too hard about this probably. logically it would make the most sense if diana was like 20smth in reality. but thats#its own basket of worms honestly. like what do you mean hippolyta only had like 20 yrs w her daughter out of a lifespan of thousands of#years. what do you MEAN she became champion and ambassador so young like#like also thats the point though. she had to wear a mask in the challenge for a reason. her inexperience with men is what makes her the kind#of ambassador they need. and her youth and relation to hippolyta and role as the baby of the amazons is one of the things that makes her#ambassadorship SO important is bc she fulfills that role in an ancient sense. where it would be a sign of great trust and respect to send#someone close to the crown as an envoy bc it shows you mean business and arent going to reneg on whatever the deal is. bc if you do they#shoot the messenger#god anyways i very much answered my own question here in the tags like 100%. esp in regards to the pérez canon bc he very much laid this out#and i was trying to weasel my way out of it. only that didnt work and the decisions he made he made for a reason and they have huge#narrative importance. damn. okay then#i always write the shittiest posts and the best tags and then have to keep the post to keep the tags#i rlly need to make these tags posts ugh. anyways keeping this up bc of my tags abt diana and ambassadorship#also sidenote I LOVE HIPPOLYTA#just though id mention that. i love how much shes motivated by love and i also love when she makes fucked up decisions bc of that and has to#live with them. woman of all time FOR REALS#god this is making me want to reread historia again lol bc its the one ww comic i own. also its fire. and hippolyta gets to make shitty#decisions motivated by emotion and live w the consequences. and the comic is actually good unlike when that happened in the messner-loebs#run. which was the other instance of that ive read rlly. 10000% sure there are others but i havent fully gotten there yet.#i mean ive read other comics where she makes painful decisions thats like her whole deal but there are different vibes to those than the two#i mentioned. like the exile thing in ww year 1 or rlly anytime she has to send diana away
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Haley, courtesy of the non-weirdest ad I’ve gotten on tumblr
The ad in question:
#art#stardew valley#sdv#haley stardew valley#haley sdv#this is closer to the haley in my head#i didn’t realize my pen would bleed for some reason so oops plus i used the wrong marker for the skin at first so it looks a lil odd#i aint even a woman nor do i wear dresses but its still one of the best ads ive seen#the others I usually see are the pika guy backpains/aches or recently eczema for some reason#guess thats what happens when a website doesn’t listen or record the things u do#im such a sucker for outfit designs like that#long flowy dress with galaxy/star patterns and or dark blue/sky themes YUM#this reminds me of when i was in hs i think maybe 16 17 yrs old and school just ended#and there was this girl in a long red flowy dress it was probably some kind of event that day#and like an awkward cant-talk-to-girls teen boy way i ran up to her said she looked pretty and ran away#im not even straight !#oh also the necklace shes wearing#(haley from the image)*#i hc that it was her grandmothers who she was super close with but when she passed she kept the necklace#and the center opens up with a lil picture of her grandmother holding her as a baby#the picture could also be of the grandparents married not too sure on that uet#both sound sweet#and its def in a sepia filter(dusty brown tones basically)#and and if u dont like the lil belly on haley u can suck it up and leave#i hate seeing when ppl are drawn ultra anime thin bc thats not healthy plus the uterus makes the stomach come out a little so its totally-#-natural#for some cases in having no uterus or other yeah that makes more sense but anytime i see like anime i cant help but think everyones a robot#also yeah on a related note i do see that i put some trans colours on her not my personal hc but im fine with it#i can see her more as either cis/intersex and the term i forgot where smn identifies with femininity but never masculinity or however it go#i also dont think shed carw abt labels ‘am i cis? no im haley’
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Ione Kitain Daughter of the Fourth House of Betazed - Socialite. Elieth’s Wife.
#Ione is sweet but pushy - she likes to have fun and help people and can come across as a bit spoiled#she has a little sister and an older brother#her favorite of Elieth's siblings is Sek because she likes to bother him#she's very ditzy but earnestly a very kind person who rarely has bad intentions - ever curious about other people!#She was engaged to someone else when she met Elieth and immediately felt drawn to him...they became fast friends then romantically#involved. Eventually when Elieth heard of her impending marriage to Mr.Whatever he traveled to her home and asked her to marry him instead#and she accepted~!!#T'Pel apparently didn't like her originally hehehe#Elieth explicitly does NOT tell anyone in his family the exact date of their wedding so they can't show up since it's a traditional betazoid#wedding and he really really REALLY does not want his mother and siblings to see that#It's SO hard to find ANYTHING about betazoid fashion...the only civilian we see is Deanna who is notably very off the walls fashion wise so#it's not indicative of typical fashion...I went with 'beigey colors' to contrast Lxwanna's (I SAID DEANNA IM SORRY THATS NOT RIGHT) bolder#colors and a more tight fitting silouette where Lxwanna usually is wearing something a bit poofy#also that thing growing out of Ione's head is like a lil antenna thing for her telepathic abilities. When not in use it shrinks and when in#full + active use it glows#bea art tag#star trek#star trek art#Ione Kitain#[REDACTED] family shenanigans
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hcs on the brain
#thinking about my trans holic hcs again#some of them are just kinda random but im VERY firmly in trans woman yuuko trans guy shizuka and nb tanuki#the shizuka hc is cause it just kinda checks out with his lore kinda like scara/ryo to an extent but also he just radiates trans energy#also rou isnt real if i manifest hard enough#yuuko is just *points at her* you think someone that serves that hard is cis????#also this is neither here nor there but i simply do not see the modern holic art where yuuko is like 5foot#this isnt relevant rly i just remembered it and got pressed again shes the tallest woman of all time dont lie to me#anyway she gives off vibes#tanuki is just 'youre a fav i relate to a lot so you get to wear the non binary hat '#but also thats a lie cause he gives MAD repressed energy repression is his entire THING#his gender expression is really fucking interesting and also just fun and even without the trauma hed probably be at least gnc#and its a KNOWN FACT that he shoves all his feelings deep down and refuses to address them or addresses them way after the fact#we've seen how he shoves down his feelings whos to say hes not pulled a me as a teenager move and shoved down feelings of gender stuff#it makes sense to me that with all his character writing and development in canon he'd be the EXACT kind of perspn to be a late bloomer#idk i was so a lot of that comes from personal experience#but this repressed mf is packed to the brim w gender#his gender is ?? and nothing and idk and drunk girl crying in bathroom to sunmi music and gay and#his gender is basically the xxx placeholder in xxxholic like its just kinda ___insert word here___#im insane but my brain is huge
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Sorry but I'll never stop thinking abt mp100 literally I think every main chara is some flavor of autist/adhd literally all of them
#thats why reigen is so spastic and st#such a strange guy bc hes just has impulse control but also is like has a bunch of hyperfocuses like thats why hes so good at so many#diff skills in diff bursts bc he gets focused on one and puts all his energy into learning it then he moves on the only reason hes still#running spirits and such is literally bc he loves mob otherwise he would be off on some other whimsy#ritsu and mob to me are clearly the siblings w/ adhd/autism but are percieved very differently and have diff levels of coping with it and#what their strenghts are#like i have a similar thing with my own siblings where we r all brain weird but all have different flavors and conflicting traits#then theres teru i think hes autistic and has mapped out a very specific social structure and rule for himself to follow so that he can fit#in and control how hes percieved#but then he still has you know off beat presentation and masking where he is just threatening and casual and wears silly clothes and just#sees that as the peak of fashion god.... hes everything to me#to me teru is the kind of person where he likes everything in its place in many different ways#then you have tome!!!!!! classic with special interests in games and aliens and telepathy and also inattention w adhd#and also tsubomi!!!! i think shes another great example shes very pretty and she knows how to kind of play her role and be polite but shes#very set in her ways and doesnt just do stuff bc its expected of her#and i think thats also why she and mob get along so well :) bc i think she knows he doesnt see her the way a lot of ppl see her and the#same is kind of in reverse where she doesnt see him solely for his powers or for his outward disposition (which is established to be why he#had such a crush on her)#its just about autist to autist communication in my opinion#talking tag
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bad dating stories time: the shoe incident
so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.
at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.
he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?
and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.
but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.
i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?
(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)
and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.
i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.
that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.
i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.
anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.
i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.
we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.
he was okay at it.
eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.
soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.
realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:
"i can't get pregnant"
which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.
still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"
and then i was in my car, and i drove away.
if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.
and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.
WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.
we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.
do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.
and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.
then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.
and then they started making out.
i was close enough to hear it.
i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.
so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.
now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.
so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.
about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.
my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.
my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.
they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?
and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.
#dating stories#anecdotes#long post#funny story#babylon#im really bad at dating#like i can do a lot better than this but also it just was kind of a nightmare for me#shit like this did make the whole thing easier tho#like#every date after this i could go you know ive seen how bad it can get#and i lived#didnt even get shot#writing
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the yves/orin dynamic I hc is so hhhhhjjmyhhhhhhdhdghh scrumptious to me bc yves was orin’s biggest tormentor. yves constantly berated orin and thought she was useless, and she made her grievance known. like yves constantly preaching abt how orin is so useless and worthless and the only thing that’s significant to her is the blood in her veins and unlike her, she will never gain bhaal’s favour and she’s always going to be a mongrel chasing her heel for a sliver of recognition…! and the fact that yves - besides being bhaal’s bride and chosen - was one of the head priestess of His church meant that she influenced others to think similarly too. orin was also one of the constant victims of yves’ nasty tantrums and when she’s feeling particularly curious and she wants to see how a shapeshifter’s inner organs work mid shifting orin is the first one she takes to experiment on. like yves in her dead three was SO nasty and horrible and her cruelty is so deliberate and calculated. unlike her god yves was not reckless nor chaotic, rather, she was very meticulous and executed everything she did with precision hence why I think she worked well with gortash bc she isn’t unpredictable like orin.
but anyway, yves being so horrible and nasty to orin so when orin FINALLY managed to stage her little coup, it is a very satisfying and vindicating moment. now she gets to see the woman who made her life living hell kneel and break open like an egg, and she WILL watch with a smile in her face. now she has a chance to prove her worth, and to show everyone that yves was wrong abt everything and she IS bhaal’s chosen, and i think yves would actually be proud of her for finally standing up for herself lol.
but then orin makes the fatal mistake of not killing yves 😔
#and I like to hc pre duel or maybe even mid duel yves just admits that she picked on orin bc she was bored#like maybe pre duel… instead of telling orin the truth that she’s an incest nepo baby yves just goaded her and tells her that the only#reason why she tortured her for all those years is bc it was for fun. like there’s no grand reason to it she just found orin’s reaction and#cries amusing.#I also have this hc that leading up to duel yves starts to ‘act’ like her dead three era self again like she’s going like I AM a bhaalspawn#im sooo evil he he ha ha ha but her actual plan is that she’s going to kill every bhaalspawn and then herself bc she’s dismantling#every thing she has done for the absolute plot and she will give the prism to the companions so they end everything once and for all#to her thats the only thing she can do to balance out her scales. and that’s the least she can do for all the horrors she’s inflicted#but then she gets revived right after and she’s like 🧍♂️ girl this was NOT part of the plan and withers is like you want to experience the#catharsis of punishment so badly im gonna force you to live instead#and yves is like. well. depression ig….#but anyway back to the main point that is orin and yves dynamic i like thinking abt it in orin’s perspective imagine the underlying fear#when she learns yves is still alive and going back home bc that’s the woman who constantly abused you u know. but this time orin is the one#with power. this time she’s the one with bhaal’s blessing so she won’t be able to touch her…! and when she observes the very woman she’s#out there being treated with kindness and care and being LOVED ..? like HUH? what….! it’s unfair. and revolting. and sickening#that horrible woman deserves neither of those things and the only thing she deserves is the knife thrusted on her chest 1000 times over but#even then that is still too good for her. so orin taunts her. and she shows off how she wears bhaal’s divinity well. and she tries to make#her show off her true nature to her new friends bc this mask she wears is sickening!!! and it works kind of …#anyway dead three era yves being the most horrible person with unethical medical practices is so real to me#shut up about bg3.#bg3 spoilers
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venting in the tags yippeee
#damien.txt#gender talk time 🤪✌️#....................................................................................#screaming crying throwing up rolling around on the ground <- said completely deadpan#uhm. as always. thinking abt gender. and questioning. my whole life. bc. i cant stop doing that#soooooo like. my big thing. abt gender. is as much as im like. he/they-ing it here and irl. its kind of... complicated?#as ive gone on ive realized more and more that i dont. really. feeling Anything towards those pronouns#neither do i she/her. or they/them.#and just generally the whole Concepts of male/female? so like. im always like hmm. whats happening here#and other completely incoherent statements djbdhdbf sorrry anyways#i keep having these moments where im like. hmm. maybe. im leaning too hard into the masc. maybe i am not. he at all.#but ive like. really full committed to the bit yknow? like esp irl. all the ppl ive introduced myself to in the last 2 years have known me#as 'he'. and as someone who wears mostly masc clothing and generally attempts to present masc#and like. i bought a skirt a while ago and i was trying it on today and i was like oh. wait.#and before u @ me i KNOW!! clothing does not equal gender!! but there was just something abt it#and recently (the past like. year lmao) ive really been contemplating like. what i actually want out of transitioning or whatever#bc like. increasingly its become more obvious how... fucking difficult that is.#and the more i think abt it the more im like. bro its not even worth it for me? tbh? also like. sometimes i look in the mirror and am like#hmm. this does not feel better than it did when i hadnt transitioned at all. yknow?#like the last 10+ years ive been existing in this state w my body where im basically just. tolerating it. ignoring it. even.#and that hasn't... changed. after t. and ik thats not like the fix-all but its got me wondering if some of it/a lot of it#is just body dysmorphia? rather than dysphoria? bc like. god knows i have that too.#and just. idk. i feel Really Really anti-gender most of the time. would in fact. not like to be conceived of at all.#but on some level im trying to think abt it practically bc if that ^ is my thoughts on gender fr. i have to decide whats worth it#and like. i miss cool clothes. god men's clothing is so fucking boring. holy fuck.#and AGAIN i KNOW gender doesnt equal clothes but also like. i am Aware to the wider world it still works like that#and truly if i rocked up to work/class in a skirt everyone would be like What The Fuck#and i kind of want to!! but im also scared of that reaction lol#AHHHH why must gender be so complicated. i want to lay on the floor#lol there was literally more but i ran out of tags LMAOO sorry everyone. gender complicated. peace ✌️
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yay
#loove it when my mom does something which. when I do it she'd get in a piss about.#disclaimer. my mom isnt bad. she has her own struggles. were fine#but the thing were talking about is. wearing headphones during dinner.#apparently when i do it (mostly ~2 years ago. less so now) its worth discussing and forbidding.#while i was actively in the process of getting an autism diagnosis.#once she even refused to. let me sit at the dinner table with them on. and also refused to let me eat dinner in my room.#this was only once but. i will not forget it.#she did not let me eat dinner solely because i was wearing headphones.#it was on vacation in a open echo-y home with 6 other people. chairs and cutlery scraping galore. and i cant wear my headphones.#sillyposting#im just so stuck up on WHY it was a problem for her. i dont get it.#especially now that she is doing it occasionally.#i dont MIND that she does it now bc obviously i know somewhat what shes experiencing.#but the fact that she got so stuck up on it so many times when i did it. hm.#thats all in the past whatever but. it was very much during my hardest period of life. ik it couldn't have been kind to her aswell but stil#augh.#ok.
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something im learning abt myself is that i have a bit of an issue with items and contamination, had genuinely no idea that i did because ive been using different words to describe it but thats totally what it is
#just now my sister wiped her hand on my shirt cause she being irritating and messing with me and i got so upset#and even after reassurance that she didnt have anything on her hand i still had to go change my shirt cause i couldnt get over it#with that kind of stuff i try so hard to ignore it but it never works and it bothers me so fucking bad that it will bring my day to#a complete halt#and its not like? a sensory issue i dont think? cause its a concept#not a physical experience#i just dont really know what its tied to i guess#and thats just one example#shit like that happens with so many things daily#theres certain ways i have to get into bed and certain things i can wear to sit on top of my blankets vs under the covers etc etc#idk its just a lot and its very stressful#aiilov-personal
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Rewound Infinitely
Gojo Satoru x Reader
Part one: Infinite Rewind
Synopsis: A decade later, Gojo has finally caught up with you. Weddings take a lot of planning.
Word Count: 8.6k
(Warnings: flashbacks to gore, not healthy trauma coping, thats all tho! pretty wholesome compared to last time)
Some things about him had changed within a decade, while others stayed the same.
Even taller than you last saw him. His hair has been styled, no longer ivory chaos. You can't see a single blemish or mark despite the decade of fighting curses. He's as flawless as the first day you met him. No glasses; the entirety of his blue keeps you still.
You've seen this Satoru before: Suguru's memories, with glassy eyes, ruffled ivory hair, and an empty expression. Seeing such beauty yourself when you're standing right in front of him, it's breathtaking.
Even the lights of Tokyo couldn't compare to him.
You say nothing. You can't. Your mouth is dry and pointless. You're not even sure where to even begin. In front of a God, your insecurities pile up all over again. Is he disappointed by you? How could you explain everything that you put him through? Your mouth opens, you think you're about to speak: an apology, a plea, anything-
"—You're late!"
His hands reach up to squish your cheeks together. It was so unexpected, you squeak.
And Gojo Satoru is pouting.
It's a wave. The ocean of anxiety, guilt, and fear crashes into the shore. You feel nothing but indignant rage at the brat who clearly hadn't matured one damn bit.
"I'm not late!" You hiss back. "If anything, you're the one who's late. I was—"
You're cut off by his laugh, light and happy.
He isn't offended by your outburst; he's overjoyed about it. His cheeks are dabbed with pink, and his lips are so wide that he's showing his teeth. Your anger wanes when he pulls you into his chest, arms circling around you. You can smell his cologne when he buries his face into your hair.
"There you are. Finally." He melts into you like butter. "I missed you, Greeny."
His voice is soft, quiet, and sincere. You can't do anything but hug him back, allowing him to sink.
"I missed you, too." You whisper.
He hums. Apart from the wind, it's quiet. He's clinging onto you as though he's afraid once he lets go, you'll disappear forever. His behavior is justified. You were constantly meddling with his life before whisking away. Just this once, you allow him to keep you within his reach, letting the cat catch the canary.
"This is sweet 'n all. But we're actually getting late." He mutters. "Also, we gotta do something about your clothes."
"Hm?"
One moment, you're atop the Tokyo Skybridge; the next, you're standing in an upscale boutique.
Satoru skips away from you. Meanwhile, you're frozen, brain scrambling to catch up with what happened. Teleport. He can teleport now.
"Mr. Gojo, sir." A voice calls. An older woman smiles at him.
He gives her a casual wave before gesturing over to you. "Mind giving this one a dress? It's a black-tie event. We don't have a budget."
The woman turns to you with a smile. "Of course, sir."
What?
Dazed, you pliantly follow the woman into the back of the boutique. Her hold on you is gentle as she ushers you through the hall with one hand on either side of your shoulders. When you look back, Satoru is waving with a wide grin. The door shuts behind you.
"Do you have any preferences?"
You turn back to the woman. She's still smiling. You can't tell if it's genuine or customer service. Perhaps both.
Did Satoru not like what you're wearing? When you look down, it makes sense. Your time on the tower wasn't kind to your hair, not to mention your clothes. This morning, you'd just thrown on the first thing you saw.
This morning. That felt like centuries ago.
She's still waiting. You give a trepid smile.
"Anything," you say, "anything as long as it's cheap. I'm not exactly swimming in cash."
She gives a confused look. "Oh, but Mr. Gojo is paying, isn't he?"
Was he? You had no idea what was happening, much less what he had just said. She returns to her usual smile.
"If you have nothing in mind, let's see here..."
Some time later, your usual clothing was removed and replaced by something satin and long. It was a pretty dress that fell right to your feet. A set of women also flitted in and worked on your hair and face, putting everything back in your face so that you looked more human and less cryptid.
"What do you think?" She asks, looking at you through that mirror.
Pretty, you looked pretty. But when you looked closer, no amount of make-up could remove that look in your eyes.
When you step back out, Satoru is waiting with a tapping foot.
"Finally!" He exclaims, standing up. He doesn't acknowledge the dress, probably because he's seen himself in better. "Thanks, Hana. Okay, let's go."
"Go?" You prod. "Go where? You—you still haven't told me what you're even doing—"
It's no use. He grabs your hand, instantly warping you away from the boutique.
You're outside. There's people everywhere. In the distance, you can see a crystal glass dome. The sun was still in the sky, which was strange because you remembered watching a sunset not too long ago, unless you weren't in Japan anymore. To prove it to yourself, you check your phone location. Yakima, Washington. What the fuck.
Was this some type of torture, him flitting you from continent to continent, all in a ploy to punish you for something? You give him a pleading look.
"Just tell me what's going on—"
"Nuh-uh." He grins. "It's a surprise! Besides, you'll figure it out soon enough. Now, I gotta' go. Stay here, be good, and find the panda!"
And then he's gone.
You always knew he was insane, but this is ridiculous, even for him. To leave you in the middle of nowhere, that asshole.
There is no one you recognize in the crowd, but they are all walking towards the dome, so you meekly follow. What did he say? Find the panda? It had to be a metaphor of some kind, or perhaps there was a panda statue you needed to wait under.
And then you see a panda on two legs walking and talking with a group of teenagers.
Seriously, what else did you expect?
Feeling like you've just aged five years, you approach the group. Including the animal, there's five. They all look like 14-16 years old. You feel like you're in high school all over again when they glance over at you. The girl looks particularly unimpressed.
"Hi." You look at the panda. Maybe it's a really good costume because no one else looks shocked. "Satoru said I should find you...?"
One of them seems to get the code. The one with black hair and puppy eyes perks up.
"Ah! Are you 'Greeny'?" Did he tell everyone about that nickname? Didn't you tell him it was supposed to be a secret? Though, it doesn't really matter anymore.
"It's not my actual name." You say before introducing yourself.
He gives a nod. "Okkutso Yuta." He bows. What a polite kid. "This is my friend, Inumaki Toge."
The kid with half his face under his scarf gives a wave. You smile.
"Just Maki." The girl steps in before she gives you a once-over. "I like your dress."
"Oh, thank you!" You say happily, "I love yours as well!"
She looks away, but you have a feeling she has a hard time taking compliments.
"I'm Panda." The panda fucking says, and no, it isn't a costume, but you're too tired to ask at this point. "Nice to finally meet you."
When the final kid says nothing, Panda reaches over and wraps a furry hand around his shoulder.
"And this is Fushiguro Megumi! He's shy." Panda says cheerily. The boy flusters under his weight.
"Get off." Fushiguro gripes.
"Don't mind him." Maki rolls her eyes. "He's just throwing a tantrum because his sister couldn't make it, and he's gonna have to socialize with people instead of hiding behind her."
Fushiguro glares, but he doesn't respond to that. He just gives you a nod, and you decide these are good kids. At the very least, they're all way better than that brat Satoru.
"So, why are we waiting out here?" You ask, peering around.
"The doors haven't opened, yet," Okkutso kindly relays, "we're just waiting out here until everything is set up."
"If they're taking this long, then they should at least ask for help." Maki crosses her arms. "We've been waiting out here for at least thirty minutes."
"At least there's food." Panda tries to assuage.
"Salmon," says Inumaki.
"They're serving salmon out here?" You give him an incredulous look and he waves his arms around.
"Bonito flakes." Inumaki says. Okkutso tries to come to his rescue.
"Inumaki can't speak anything but food items because of his curse-" Maki quickly yanks him down by his collar frantically. Fushiguro is whispering something in his ear. You watch them go back and forth before it clicks.
"Does it have something to do with his technique?" You ask, curiously.
They stop squabbling.
"Oh, our bad. Sorry 'bout that." Panda gives a sheepish grin. "We didn't think you'd know about jujutsu sorcery 'cause...well. Your cursed energy is really low."
"Super low." Maki agrees.
"Salmon."
"Even lower than Maki's." That earns Panda a punch from her.
"Thank you," you dryly say, before you turn back to the building.
"What's going on in that place anyway?"
They all give you an odd look before they look at each other. Did you say something wrong?
"Did Gojo-sensei not tell you anything?" Okkotsu asks.
You allow yourself to leak some bitterness. "Satoru just dropped me on the sidewalk before teleporting away. He never tells me anything.
"That sounds like him." Panda nods.
"Idiot," Maki says.
"Such an idiot," Fushiguro says, and now you feel bad for Satoru.
"Our sensei's getting married today." Okkutso supplies. He points at the dome.
You don't get why you didn't realize it sooner. You knew these kids, at least Okkutso, Maki, Panda, and Inumaki. They all showed up on the very last day Geto Suguru died. Okkutso, in particular, had fought and defeated Suguru.
These were Gojo Satoru's students.
You think back to the last time you saw Satoru. He didn't look like a groom, but he's an eccentric guy. You wondered what kind of person would put up with him for the rest of their lives. You pitied them.
"Oh." You frown. "His wedding? I—I would have at least brought a gift."
"I don't think he'd mind," Panda said, "besides, you didn't even know!"
You still felt a bit guilty.
"We didn't bring anything either," Fushiguro states, and it helps just a tiny bit.
"When the ceremony begins, you can sit with us," Okkutso tells you, "we're supposed to keep an eye on you, anyway."
"You're not talking to a dog." Maki grunts.
"Oh no I—I didn't mean to be offensive!" Okkutso backtracks. "It's just—well, Gojo-sensei's been talking about you for a while, and we want to make sure everything goes smoothly and we were all really excited to meet you so—"
He keeps rambling like that until Inumaki pats his shoulder. You laugh, amused.
"I wasn't offended or anything." You tell him before his words sink in. "Wait, Satoru talks about me?"
"All the time." Maki responds, an edge to her voice. "'Greeny this', 'Greeny that'."
"We usually tune him out when he gets like that," Panda says, "honestly, we didn't even think you were real until just now."
"I always thought 'Greeny' was an inside joke Gojo-sensei and Haibara-sensei had," Okkotsu admits.
Something warm bubbles in your stomach.
"So," Fushiguro speaks, "how do you know Gojo, anyway?"
You didn't know the story Gojo told them so you simply keep it vague.
"I knew him as a kid."
It's Panda who gets the most excited about this.
"Really? What was he like as a teenager?"
"A brat." You instantly respond, and then you think a little more. "But I don't think that ever changed."
They ask you a couple more questions about Gojo's high school days. You oblige, thinking this as payback for how Satoru dropped you here without saying anything. You don't know how long you spend out there, airing out Gojo's younger days while his students get increasingly giggly.
Okkotsu is the one who notices the crowd is moving.
"I think they opened the doors." He smiles. "Let's go, everyone."
You follow behind Maki, admiring the architecture. It's a grand building. Sparkling crystal glass lets the sunlight bleed in. The decoration was something else entirely. Small white flowers adorn the chandelier, and they cascade down the edges. Ice sculptures of angels greeted the guests. Live music was already playing. Satoru knows how to plan a wedding.
Maki finds you all seats. You sit next to her. Fushiguro follows you. Okkutso, Inumaki, and Panda take the seats behind you. While you wait for the guests to settle down, you pass your time, waiting for the students to bicker with one another. From your assumption, it looked as though Maki, Panda, and occasionally Inumaki butted heads with each other. Okkutso often served as the timid referee, trying to get everyone to calm down, which almost always made things worse. Fushiguro just elected to ignore everything.
"Are they always like this?" You lean over to whisper to him. Fushiguro gives a tired nod.
"Every. Single. Day." He's saying this from experience, but at least you get a show.
Everyone settles down eventually. The kids grow quiet when the music starts to swell. The indoor lights dim. It's starting.
You've never been to a wedding this grand before. There was a live orchestra. Women and men were dressed in baby blue, gently strumming away their cellos, violins, and violas.
It's how you miss Satoru's entrance. He's already standing on the altar by the time you look back. He's changed into something more formal. The suit and green tie fit him. A perfectly put-together beauty. As though he can sense your stare, he catches your eye and winks.
But why was he already up there? Shouldn't he be—
"Sensei's coming!" Okkotsu whisper-yells. Inumaki hushes him.
Everyone turns to face the door. You do, too.
Your heart stops when you see him.
It's all there. Black hair, but it's longer this time around. Of course it is, he's had years to grow it out. He's tall, he must've grown since highschool.
You don't think you're breathing when you watch him walk down the aisle. The music is low, barely loud enough to hide the click of his heels. He takes his rightful place beside Satoru, his best man. Satoru gives him a nudge, and Suguru shakes his head fondly.
Everyone turns to see Shoko's entrance. You should too, but you keep staring at him. How much he's changed since high school. How much he's changed since he waltzed onstage wearing a priest's outfit, filled with nothing but empty hatred for those he viewed as weak.
But he's not wearing that twisted monk costume. His eyes aren't dull and dead and bitter. There's no sickly faux smile on his lips.
Today, Suguru looks like the happiest man on Earth.
His eyes are wide and eager and sparkling purple beauties. He's 27, but he looks younger. The lines of exhaustion and heartbreak aren't so prominent. And you—and you—
You just sit there, watching as Shoko walks up to the altar, watching as they stand as bride and groom. His daughters, adorned in pretty blue dresses, stand right behind him, smiling so hard you're sure it hurts. The priest speaks. They say their vows. You can't hear a single word. It's like you're behind a glass wall, and you can see him, but you can't feel him.
When they kiss, everything comes back. The crowd celebrates. Satoru ruffles Himeno's hair. Nanako smiles wider. Behind you, Inumaki and Panda sniffles. Okkotsu hands them a tissue.
"It’s pretty." Maki comments. Fushiguro gives a hum of agreement.
ⴵ
Satoru finds you and the kids when you're waiting for the reception to start.
He appears behind you with a cheery, "And how are my lovely students holding up?" You almost spill your drink in shock.
"Sensei!" Okkotsu chirps. "Where's Geto-sensei and Ieiri-sensei?"
"Shoko's around; Suguru's taking a break," Gojo answers with a grin. "If you don't mind me, I'll be stealing this one for a sec."
He doesn't wait for an answer, steering you away by your shoulders. You look behind you. Panda waves. Fushiguro just looks even more upset. You wave back at them regardless.
"I can't believe you put your students out on babysitting duty." You tell him. "And what's with this wedding? There's no alcohol anywhere." To make your point, you take another sip of your apple juice.
"We have kids here. Kinda' have to make it alcohol-free," Satoru says.
"The bartender could ID them." You suggest.
"You think teens who fight curses daily wouldn't figure out how to get around that?" He grins. You frown at his frustratingly good response.
“What’d you think of them?”
“Hm?”
“The kids.” He urges. “What’d you think?”
Your brows scrunch. You have no idea what he means by that. Eventually, you take a breath.
“I like how...close they are.” You eventually say. “The bond they share. They care. I think each one of them will be good sorcerers.”
He’s silent, and you think you might have misunderstood his question.
“I learned that from you,” Satoru says, “keeping them together, making sure they can grow, get stronger, together. You were always so insistent on that, back then. I’m glad you were. It was one of the best things about you.”
You stare at him. Really stare. You’ve never heard him sound so genuine, so sincere before. You look into his crystal-blue eyes, wide and earnest. Part of you wants to take a picture, so you could keep it forever.
Eventually, Gojo successfully drags you to a less crowded area of the party. He looks around.
"Hm, he should be around here somewhere...?" Satoru hums to himself.
"Who?" You ask. That question answers itself.
Haibara Yu is waiting a little ways ahead. By now, the sun was starting to set. His brown hair turned gold. Gojo eagerly hurries you forward as he calls out to him. You stumble, still lost at what you're seeing.
"Guess who I brought?" Gojo sweetly sings, Yu-Haibara, he hasn't let you call him Yu yet-tilts his head.
He smiles, confused. "Oh? Hello!" He says cheerily. "Who's this?" He asks to Gojo.
"Guess," Gojo says.
Haibara stares at you, and you decide to give him a hint.
"Brocolli head?"
He gapes. It's almost the same reaction he had last time. Last time, when you had to convince him to kill you so you could go back in time to save Satoru.
"No way." He gasps. "Greeny?"
He doesn't remember. He wouldn't, why would he? Still, it's nice to see the innocence on his face, rather than the pain you saw last time. Right before he snapped your neck.
You think he was crying the last time you two saw each other.
In this timeline, Haibara is hugging you so tightly you think your head's about to explode.
"It's really you?" Haibara says, but his bear hug muffles his words. "“—I—I can’t believe it? It’s actually you! I thought I’d never see you again even though Satoru said we'd see you again one day, and—and then suddenly you pop up outta’ nowhere—not that I’m complaining— but—”
"Haibara." You plead. "You're suffocating me."
"Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry." He lets you go, and your lungs inflate again. "I—I'm just so happy! And—and you're a girl!" He says it like it's the most surprising thing about this whole revelation. Maybe it is.
Satoru is always needy for attention and whines as always.
"Wait, you two came up with a code word?" He complains. "That's not fair. We never did that."
"I mean, it was Haibara's idea." You point out. "You should be smarter next time."
That makes him frown even more. You laugh.
"Yu." Haibara suddenly says.
You turn to him.
"My friends call me Yu."
It's nice to know that no matter what timeline you're in, Yu will always remain stagnant.
"Okay, lover boy," Gojo says with a not-so playful bite, "keep your eye on this one for me, okay? Gotta' go do more best man shit."
Satoru's gone once again. You look at Yu.
"He's been running around since I got here." You tell him. "Does that man ever rest?"
"Nope." Haibara grins, before taking your arm. "Follow me; you should meet a couple of people."
He leads you through the crowd. You spot the teens moping about out of the corner of your eye. Panda and Inumaki seem to be in a push-up competition. Maki is egging them on. You wisely decide not to disturb them.
Yu drops your hand to wave to someone. There's no need for any kind of introduction for these people.
Riko and Misato Kuroi smile at you first. Miss Kuroi's aged beautifully since you last saw her. Wispy silver hair knitted seamlessly into brown strands. She never got that chance to grow gray hairs last time. You're staring so much it might be rude.
"Yu?" Riko asks and you think you're about to break because they know each other. "Who's this?"
"Uh, this-" Haibara chokes before looking at your awkwardly. Right, he doesn't know your actual name.
Come to think of it, Satoru doesn't know either. He never bothered to ask too. Probably on purpose. Ass.
You smile and politely introduce yourself. It takes everything within you not to scream and hug them both because in this timeline, they don't know you. They never did.
But you can change that now.
"Hello!" Riko beams. "I'm Kuroi Riko, but just Riko is fine! And this is my mom: Kuroi Misato."
She says that so plainly, like that had always been her name, like Miss Kuroi had always been her mother. You wonder how long it took for those two realities to become her norm. Or maybe it hardly took time at all.
"It's wonderful to meet you." Miss Kuroi states before she tilts her head. "May I ask how you know the couple?"
Haibara jumps in for you. "Um—actually, this is Satoru's date!" He fumbles.
You do a double-take. No, you technically weren't Satoru's date. But you technically entered the wedding with him. And he was the one who 'invited' you. Fuck, you were the brat's date. Damn it.
"Ah." Nanami cuts in for the first time. "So, you're the one Gojo won't shut up about."
His accusation sounds like Maki's, but less harsh. You wonder if he has a favorite student.
Nanami looks the most different from his high school counterpart. A new haircut, less slouchy, more tall and refined. He blinks at you, slow and calculating.
Sheepishly, you laugh. "Yeah...that's me....sorry."
"Don't be rude, Kento."
Ieiri arrives with a soft smile and painted features. She's changed out of her glowing gown, sticking to something small yet perfectly elegant: a short white dress that curls ever so slightly at the ends. Riko's the first to hug her, ecstatic. Ieiri hugs her back, too, because they've become friends in this timeline. The circles under her eyes are less prominent. Her smile looks more real. This isn't the timeline where she's had to bury her friend; it's the timeline she's allowed to marry him.
"Congratulations," you say politely once everyone is done cooing over her. She smiles at you, the way a stranger would.
Then, her head tilts.
"Sorry," she hesitates, "do we know each other? You...feel familiar somehow."
Ieiri was the first person you met when you activated your technique and returned to the past for the first time. She was the one who calmed you down, kept you grounded. In a way, you owed a lot to her.
Looking at her, you can see why Suguru kept her cigarettes in his pocket.
You shrug. "I must have one of those faces."
The attention turns back to her, her beautiful dress, pure and white and beautiful. You feel Haibara stare at you. You shake your head at him. It wasn't the time. Maybe it never will be.
"This really is a beautiful wedding," Mistato says when the conversation reaches a pleasant lull, "I can't imagine how much it cost."
She shrugged.
"Probably a fortune, but I let Satoru deal with the numbers."
Misato looks confused, and Ieiri laughs.
"He paid for everything." She gestures to the venue. "Suguru and I didn't have to fork over a single cent. It's the least he could do for being a pain in the ass for 12 years."
Damn, you knew he was rich, but you didn't know he was rich rich. Maybe you should consider being nicer to him. If you ask politely, perhaps you could get him to pay off your car loans.
"I'll get him to pay for my wedding too." Riko proudly says.
"He'd probably do it, too." Ieiri nodded along. "He offered, just like that. The only thing he was hellbent on was the date."
"The date?" You echo. Ieiri shrugs, messing with her laced sleeves.
"Said it absolutely needed to be on December 24th. Something about spirituality. I never listened to that guy's rants."
It comes to you immediately, but you're pushing it away. No way. Satoru wouldn't. There isn't a chance in Hell he would have convinced his friends to have the biggest day of their lives on the same day you were supposed to meet him.
No, of course, he would do that. Ass.
"So, how do you know Satoru?" Riko asks you. When she realized how rude it sounded, she backtracked. "I—I didn't mean anything by it! It's just...the guy only knows five people. When he spoke about bringing someone along, I thought he was joking."
"Same here," Nanami says. Haibara stifles a laugh, and you realize all of Satoru's friends think he's a loser.
Friends. Back then, he only had one of those.
"Um." You toss Haibara look. He shrugs. "We met a few years ago! But we just recently reconnected." That's close enough to the truth. Good enough.
You remember your blunder. You sympathetically look at Shoko.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't able to bring a gift," you say, "I was blindsided. Satoru barely gave me enough time to get ready."
You laugh, and you're hoping they laugh it off too. They don't, instead Shoko, Nanami, Riko, and Misato look at you. Then, they look at each other.
Nanami speaks first. He clears his throat.
"Did Satoru....abduct you?"
"What?"
"That sounds like him." Misato sighs, more exasperated than anything else.
Riko nods along with her. "We tried to teach him. Where did we go wrong?" she laments.
Haibara and Shoko laugh as you desperately try to defend your not-date date because he didn't actually kidnap you, but he did bring you here against your will and started dragging you along like some toy, but it's the context about that that matters. You wished they could've had a bit more faith in him. Poor Satoru.
It ends eventually. Ieiri excuses herself. Riko and Misato go too. You stay with Yu and Nanami, watching as they get into increasingly petty arguments. It’s hilarious how quickly Yu is able to bring the usually staunch and serious Nanami down to his level.
Sometime later, you find yourself roaming the balcony. The party roars on indoors, laughing, talking, cheering. It was chilly outside, you should go back in within a few minutes. You just needed a break from the action.
The sun had already gone down, by then. You were somewhere out in the country. The buildings sparsely dotted the horizon. There were no artificial lights. It meant the stars could shine as brightly as they wanted to, with no one to stop them.
You hadn’t seen Satoru in a while. You had no idea where he’d run off to. It didn’t matter; you knew he’d eventually pop out of a box to harass you again.
But now that you had space for yourself, you needed to think.
You rest your hands over the rail, looking up at the stars. There were so many out tonight.
You fixed the future. You changed everything. Does that mean you still needed to tell Satoru about the past timeline?
You promised him answers the next time you two met. You promised him an explanation. He waited ten years for that. You pinch at the fabric of the dress.
This future that you carefully built, crafted with your own hands. It’s delicate, a glass castle.
It’s justice, but did that make it right?
“Want one?”
The voice makes you jump.
He stares at you, leaning against the rail. Purple eyes, mirroring the starry sky.
You knew these eyes, for a while, they used to be yours.
You stare at him. Then, you stare at the cigarette in his inviting fingers.
Your fingers twitch.
“No—no, I’m fine.” You smile. “Actually, I’m trying to quit.”
“Ah.” Suguru says, lighting it up before bringing it to his lips. “Shouldn’t tempt you, then. Pardon, what’s your name?”
You can hear your heartbeat. It’s loud, right in your ear. You wonder if he can hear it too. Are his curses around? Can they smell it? Your blood? Are they still as ravenous as the last time, eager to tear and fester and eat—
“It’s Greeny,” you say, “you can call me Greeny. ”
He hums in approval.
“Geto Suguru,” he says, “though I’m pretty sure you already know that.” You both share a huff of laughter.
“My fiancé quit a few years ago.” Suguru starts, mentioning the cherry-red cigarette. “Thought I’d follow in her footsteps, but here I am.” He shrugs before he winces.
“Wife, sorry.” He corrects. “I still can’t believe it.”
The monsters come out to play their song. You close your eyes, forgive Suguru, and you die once more.
You smile at his tone. He sounded like that 12 years ago, when he was still just a kid. Full of soft wonder.
“I’m guessing you’ve been planning this for a long time?” You ask.
He shrugs. “Shoko did most of the work. This is all thanks to her, really. Unfortunately, I was too busy managing the school.”
“I heard you were a principal?” You prod.
Suguru nods, “Our current one recently retired. I’m trying to follow in his footsteps.”
You think of Principal Yaga, the one with sunglasses and a stern expression. He looks a lot like Nanami in some areas. But he acts more like Suguru than anyone you ever knew.
And you knew Suguru; you knew him as well as yourself.
The screams start up again, and you forgive Suguru.
“I can tell you’re already making him proud,” you say, “I met your students. They’re good kids.”
He smiles, soft, gentle. Those used to be your smiles.
“They are, aren’t they?” He repeats back, “some of them had a rough beginning, but it all worked out somehow.” He hums. “I’m glad.”
His daughters, the ones standing beside him as he kissed his wife, wide eyes and even wider grins. They didn’t have the darkness in their faces. The bitterness. Like they did in the last timeline.
You were glad, too.
This death is a lot more painful than the others.
The curse that's holding you is more intelligent than its predecessors. It keeps you alive, tearing at your skin, feasting on your flesh. Blood is everywhere. You scream until it rips out your vocal cords. It's almost a mercy to just die.
You forgive Suguru.
“It sounds like you’ve had personal experience with that sort of thing.” When he looks at you, you quickly say. “Your eyes. I—I can see it. I’ve always been good at that sort of thing.” You knew Suguru. His eyes matched yours.
He doesn’t look offended. Suguru takes a minute, reaching up to his black locks. He removes the elastic, pretty black hair falls down his shoulders He’s grown it out since high school. It reaches his waist.
He eases himself back onto the rail, looking up at the stars. You follow.
“Yeah, I do,” he’s saying, “I think I know what it’s like being them at that age. Alone, isolated, slipping down a rock. Drowning, but no one can see it.” Ingested. Exorcised. Ingested. Exorcised.
“When I was younger...it was really hard. Some days, I was so full of hate and anger. The pain was a lot. Sometimes, I had this despicable idea that it was someone else’s fault I was like this. Someone innocent.” He laughs, bitter.
“And, on those days, I would often feel something.”
You look at him. Suguru doesn’t stare back, eyes lost in the stars.
“Sometimes, it’d be a voice. Other times a small nudge on my shoulders, pushing me in the right direction. Once, it was a hug, keeping me from doing something that would’ve changed my life forever. And it would be just a bit more bearable, like I wasn’t so alone.”
You can feel your heart in your throat. Your fingers grip the railing.
“What did you think it was?” You expect hate, disgust. You want to give yourself a reason.
You forgive Suguru.
He takes a moment, coming back from heaven. His eyes find yours.
“I’m not sure.” He admits. “I’m not religious, but I always liked to think of it as—”
An angel. A hand of God. A higher power. It doesn’t matter what Suguru said, you knew what he meant.
A part of you always wondered why Suguru would return to Jujutsu society, when he wanted nothing more than to run from it. You expected him to retire. Instead, he took the reins of the beast, wrangling it down. Now, you get why.
“That’s why you’re a teacher now,” you say, “so you could be the same thing for your students.”
He nods, and you think of Maki. You think of Okkutso. You think of Panda. You think of Fushiguro. You think of Inumaki. Suguru must have been there for Maki, even when her own family wasn’t. Suguru must have helped Okkutso control his technique, being the only one who could. Suguru, must have made these kids better than they ever possibly could’ve been. Fighting for them instead of against them.
“Sorry.” He blinks. “I—I didn’t mean to get so sentimental. It’s been years since I thought about my own highschool years.” He laughs, voice full.
“You’re just...really nice to talk to.” He hums. “I don’t think I can explain it but it’s...familiar somehow.”
You look at him. He’s older, but in some ways, he hasn’t really changed. Even now, when you look at him, you see a reflection of yourself.
“I can see why he likes you.”
“Who?” You ask when he brings you back from your thoughts.
“The idiot.” But he says it so affectionately, so lovingly, you can’t help but smile. “I saw him dragging you around earlier. Sorry about that. I would’ve stepped in but...” He trails off, thinking.
“It’s been a while since I saw him like that.”
You hadn’t noticed anything about Satoru. He smiled just as brightly as he did in highschool. Now, you wonder if this was the first time in a while Suguru had seen that side of him: carefree, no longer The Strongest.
It hurts. It hurts so much. Blood seeps into the pavement. You can hear the curse laughing. It sounds like him.
You forgive Suguru.
“Are you and him…” he trails off.
“No.” You laugh. “No, I’m his….childhood friend. We just haven’t seen each other in a while.”
“Oh?” He tilts his head. “How long has it been?”
You decide to be honest. “Ten or so years, give or take?”
He whistles.
“No wonder he’s bouncing around like a yipping puppy,” He says, and you can’t help but agree with the analogy.
“In any case.” He leans over the railing. His cigarette is down to its last embers. “I hope you stick around. A friend…I think he needs more of those more than anything.”
You stare at him. Those purple eyes. You can see what Shoko sees. You can see what Satoru saw all those timelines ago. They only ever saw the light, the gentleness, of Geto Suguru.
You are the only person in the world who knows him.
He’s killed people. He’s killed you. No matter how much logic or justification or pain was involved, the blood of the innocent is still sticky. It still drips across the pavement, scarring the sidewalk in red. It still hurts.
When Suguru would kill you, you’d force yourself to forgive him. You needed to die without regrets, because the pain of hatred builds up, you’ve seen it happen firsthand.
But now that you’re free, what Suguru did to you wasn't fair. Just because his innocence was taken away doesn’t give him the right to take the lives of others. It never gives anyone the right to murder. You keep telling yourself that this Suguru and that Suguru were different…but they weren’t. Not really. The look in their eyes matched perfectly.
He’d do it again, in the right conditions.
And yet.
You forgive Suguru.
You can’t judge him. If there is a God, maybe Suguru will have to pay for the crimes he committed all those timelines ago. You can’t save Suguru from that. But to you, the debt is paid.
Besides, you’re too tired to hate him. And you won’t allow yourself to fall into the same cycle he struggled to break free from.
You look into his eyes. Then, at his ring. You smile.
And that's enough.
“I will,” you say, “I will.”
Then, as two parts of a whole, the two of you stare at the stars for a little while longer.
ⴵ
The reception was nice. A fancy dinner, you can’t remember the last time you ate something. The speeches were beautiful, especially Shoko’s. You swore you saw Nanami shed a tear, but you never said anything about it.
You saw a glimpse of white hair in the crowd before the first dance began. Stunning music. The couple must have practiced for months. Bride and Groom, husband and wife, held hands and looked at each other like they were the only ones in the room.
Megumi stood beside you, watching Ieiri and Geto sway to the music. As though the kid could sense him, Megumi’s serene face sours. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong when there’s a tap on your shoulder.
“Cute, huh?” Satoru starts, mentioning at the dance. “It didn’t look this put-together in the beginning. Shoko gave him a ton of bruises,” he says with a shit-eating grin.
You frown. “Shouldn’t you be doing something else than gossiping about your friends?”
“I am! I’m checking up on my son!” And then he turns to Fushiguru. “Megumi!”
“No.” Fushiguro instantly rebukes.
“Don’t mind him.” Satoru chides. “He’s going through an angst phase.” Fushiguro rolls his eyes, but he shifts just a tiny bit.
“Y’know, he was actually supposed to be the flower boy, but he refused. Such a shame, the pictures would’ve been something else.” Gojo sighed and now you’re convinced they aren’t father and son.
“That was never going to happen.” Fushiguro says, and as if he thinks you’re naive enough to believe Satoru, he glances at you. “Never.”
“Of course not.” You crack a smile.
You watch as Ieiri descends into a graceful spin, Geto taking the lead. When he tips her over, your eyes soften.
Gojo leans over; you can feel his breath in your ear.
“Next year.” He whispers. “For us, it’ll definetly be next year.”
You jerk away but he’s already skipping off, having the audacity to call out a cheerful ‘toodles’.
“What did he say?” Fushiguro questions.
That’s what you wanted to know, too, but you were so tired, and the night was so long, and you couldn’t bother to get out your Gojo translator and figure it out.
“The same stuff he always says. Nonsense.” You decide on. Fushiguro takes the answer.
“I don’t understand how he has all that energy.” You mutter, watching Satoru disappear through the crowd.
“I thought he’d get better with age, turns out I was wrong,” Fushiguro says.
“I wanted to ask,” you start, your eyes still on Ieiri and Geto, “how do you know Gojo? Aren’t you still in middle school?”
“Everyone knows Gojo. He’s pretty famous in the jujutsu world.” Fushiguro shrugs. “But personally...he’s my benefactor. Took me and my sister in when my parents left.”
You look at him. And you feel like an idiot.
He’s the spitting image of his father. Sharp cobalt eyes. Black hair. Fushiguro Toji is all over the young man.
Gojo Satoru, the one who killed the sorcerer killer, took care of his enemy’s children.
“What?” Fushiguro asks when you’re smiling
You shake your head. “No, no it’s nothing.”
Satoru told you that you’re the one who taught him about the importance of bonds. But you think he should take some of the credit too.
ⴵ
Eventually, everyone gets on the dancefloor.
It’s a mess. Absolute chaos. Panda and Inumaki are trying and failing to do the waltz. Maki and Okkuttso are lightly swaying to the music. They’ve managed to get Fushiguro up there too. Though, he doesn’t look extremely happy.
The adults are even worse. Apparently, the retired principal Yaga is a pretty good dancer. You think one of them found alcohol, because Haibara looks absolutely wasted. He’s swinging his arms around, almost hitting the other guests. Nanami is trying to get his attention, but the guy wants none of it. When Haibara catches your eye, he wildly waves in clear invitation.
You smile back, but you shake your head. You think he’s about to come up to you, but something else catches his eye, and he’s grinning at a very irrated-looking Iori.
You were sitting on a chair, just people-watching. It was a nice break from everything. To listen to the music, lightly tap your feet, play with the frill of your dress. You weren’t really in the mood to dance.
Besides, you weren’t technically invited here anyway. It’d be rude to just burst on the scene.
“There you are! Been looking all over for you!”
You don’t have to look over to see who it is. Satoru slumps down in a chair next to you.
“Greeny, you gotta’ do something about your cursed energy. It’s so weak. Like finding a needle in a haystack.”
“Thanks,” you say dryly.
“Always happy to help.” Satoru beams, and then he glances over at the floor.
“We’re dancing after this song, by the way.”
“Absolutely not.”
“It’s so cute you think you have a choice, Greeny.”
You frown. “There’s no point in calling me Greeny anymore. Unless you still don’t know my name.”
“I do, but it doesn’t matter,” Satoru says arrogantly. “You’ll always be my Greeny to me.”
You roll your eyes. Even now, he’s a brat. You thought all these years would mellow him down just a tiny bit.
“So,” you start, “are you done with your ‘best man shit’?”
“Yup.” He announces. “Now, I can sit back and enjoy the show.”
You smile, but you can still feel the butterflies in your stomach. He’s been running around so far and it’s given you time. Now, that he’s free, it means you two have to talk.
And you aren’t sure if you truly want to.
You flex your fingers.
“Um, how have you—”
“Stop.” Satoru interrupts. “Let’s not make this awful, Greeny.”
You nod immediately, relaxing. His voice gets softer, after that.
“I’m glad you chose that color,” he says, “I was sorta’ hoping you would.”
You look down at the dress. A deep green. You hadn’t even thought about the color, the boutique lady had basically thrown it at you.
The shade of Satoru’s green tie matches your dress. You can feel your smile again. Typical.
“I’m glad I did too,” you honestly say. And then, you continue to fiddle with your fingers. Ultimately, you decide to just bite the bullet.
“I thought you’d be mad.” You finally say, words jittery and unfocused. “Angry at me for...for what I did.”
He’s silent, and you feared that it was all true. The laughs and the jabs were all a facade.
"I don’t think I was ever mad." He responds, staring into the crowd. "Hurt, yeah. Then, it faded into something that stung everytime I thought about it, and then...something else. And now, I know it's a waste to get mad because you're finally here now. With me."
His tone pitches upwards as he reaches over to painfully pinch your cheek.
"'Sides, I know you can't escape me anymore, Greeny," Satoru cheerfully says, "Now, I know your face, your name, and with little effort, I could probably find your address, your social security-"
"Okay! Okay!" You pull away, rubbing your cheek. Damn, he's scary. "Threat acknowledged."
"Good!" He straightens himself back up, and you find yourself slumping again.
“I am sorry, though,” you say, “for leaving like that. I...I always wished I could do that a bit differently. You deserved better.”
“Don’t do that.” He shakes his head. “Don’t blame yourself for only doing what you could. It eats at you, Greeny. It really does.” He sighs, leaning forward in his chair.
“You deserved better too,” he says back, voice barely above the music, “I always had some regrets about those years. I thought I could’ve done more to help you, back then.”
There it was again: selfishness, the urge to do good to others while retaining that greed. You supposed you taught him that.
You put your face in your hands.
“Even though, you dragged me here against my will, I feel so guilty being here.” You complain, hoping it’ll lighten the mood. “You should apologize to everyone because I crashed the party.”
Satoru scoffs. “What are you talking about? Everyone loves you!” He exclaims. “Look, Yu’s ecstatic. Riko won’t stop gushing about you; you even have Nanami’s approval! I don’t even have that!” You roll your eyes, sinking back in your seat.
“Besides, you needed to come. You needed to see it.”
“See what?” You ask.
“This.” He points to the venue, the ballroom full of glittery whites and sparkles.
“Look around, Greeny. Look at all the people you saved.”
Haibara and Riko are dancing together. Two dead children finally had the chance to grow up. Misato speaks to Nanami. Beautiful gray hair, eyes that aren’t so tired. Shoko sparkling in her dress, and Geto—
The same day he was supposed to die, Suguru was getting married.
“Thank you.” When you look at him, Satoru is staring right at you. His sea eyes give everything and more.
“Thank you for saving all of us.”
Your heart skips, then just stops completely. You can’t cry, you won’t not here, not on such a happy day. But your eyes are stinging. And Satoru is turning blurry.
And then, like Satoru always does, he ruins the moment.
"Did you just fall for me a little?"
His head tilts. That same mischievous, irritating smile lights up on his face.
You relax, laughing out of disbelief. When you speak, your voice is barely scratchy. "You're so full of yourself; it's actually a little cute."
"You think I'm cute?"
"Did you hear anything else that I just said?"
"I heard you think I'm cute,” Satoru responds proudly, and you doubt he’d ever let you hear the end of it.
“And besides! Today is supposed to be a celebration for you too!” He exclaims.
“Oh really?”
“Yes,” Satoru says proudly, “you did it! You became a fully-fledged sorcerer. Considering your low CE, you might pass as grade four, but when I talk to our new principal, I’m sure he’ll make things right. Get ready to join be and him in the big leagues.”
You could read between the lines. Satoru wanted to tell everyone. You think a while ago, you might have agreed, but...
“Can...Can I quit being a sorcerer?” You ask. “I’m tired.”
He takes a second. Some of you wonders if he’ll try to talk you out of this. It’s more beneficial for him if you stay as an asset to the jujutsu world. How many people’s lives will be saved by a technique like yours? To be able to go back in time again and again and again. To die again and again and again.
“Someone once told me that it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while.” Satoru looks at you, eyes like lilies once again. “I won’t fault you for it. I don’t think anyone will.”
When you try to smile, it feels wobbly.
“That person sounds smart.”
“Nah.” He grins. “An idiot, actually. Way too oblivious.”
You laugh, despite the insult.
“Quit,” Satoru says when it’s quiet again, “do whatever you want. But...you can’t run away, okay? I won’t let you.”
It’s barely a touch. His hand reaches for your fingers. You’re the one who grabs it.
“I won’t.” You promise. “I won’t.”
He’s satisfied with that. You can tell when he squeezes your hand back.
You look at him, and you decide you won't tell Satoru what happened in the last timeline.
There's no point. It wouldn't do anything but shatter everything he worked so hard to make. Why would you break the glass when you could just add concrete, make it stronger? You saved everyone. A few white lies here and there just keep this future safe.
And you know this Satoru. If you told him, he'd carry that burden with you like the soldier he was. You don't want him to do that. You don't want him to have the same look you see in your own face. One last sacrifice.
When you come back, Satoru is shifting in his seat, uncrossing his legs.
“So...about that dance?”
“Ugh, fine.” You stand up. “One dance. And if you do anything embarrassing, I’m leaving.”
“Clearly, you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” He grins, standing up himself.
He doesn’t release your hand for the rest of the night.
You don’t mind.
(When you disappear again, Maki’s the one who finds you.
By then, it’d been long into the night. Shoko and Suguru were already gone, off to their honeymoon in the Maldives. Riko, Misato, and most of the students were sleeping off the night. Maki, his most diligent student, was helping the remaining adults pack up the venue.
She’s dragging chairs away when she grunts in Satoru’ direction.
“By the way, your date’s sleeping outside.”
Ah, you were on the balcony. No wonder he couldn’t find you. Satoru needed to do something about your cursed energy. What’s the point of having six eyes when he can’t even find the one person who’s evaded him for a decade?
You’ve completely passed out. Slumped over on a chair, head bent at an angle that could not be comfortable. Satoru knows he should feel bad. He dragged you around the entire night like a ragdoll. This was partially his fault.
He can’t really blame himself, not when you were finally here.
It still feels like a dream. Being able to hear your voice, not Suguru’s, not Yu’s. Your touch. Your eyes. Your face. Your laugh. For years, he’s wondered what it sounded like.
Reality beat even his perfect daydreams.
Seeing you up there on the Tokyo Skytree. The wind pushing your hair back and forth. It was breathtaking.
Even the lights of Tokyo, couldn’t compare to you.
He leans down, lips at your ear, voice low because he’s too prideful to let anyone else hear, not even you.
“I know it’s too late, but you looked really pretty tonight.”
You say nothing, but you shift, murmur something in your sleep. It’s all he needs.
He ditches the clean up party, taking you within his arms. He thinks he says something to Yu, but Satoru doesn’t really care if he heard. Right now, he only has one priority.
Tonight, he’ll sleep on the hotel’s pull-out sofa while you snooze in the luxurious queen-sized bed. You’ll probably be mad in the morning, something about how you should’ve taken the couch, but he doesn’t mind your mindless acts of selflessness.
He’s waited a decade. He deserves to keep you.
And he knows you won’t fault him for being selfish one more time.)
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#slight yandere gojo#butnotrlly#time travel fix it#time travel#unrequited feelings#temporarily unrequited feelings#maybe#x reader#jjk fluff#just a bunch of closure rlly
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since I saw some highly specific polls and one mentioned making fanart/writing fanfiction for a media you haven't watched I just rememberd I actually made a BNHA OC lmao even though I barely knew anything 😔✌️
#just found some art of her again on my phone lol#think her quirk was something like#if she gets like some hair or smth from others and it touches her skin she can either kind of control their body a lil bit and she could#for example punch herself and it would hurt her oponnent she is controlling but it wouldnt hurt her much since her quirk also made her rlly#resistant to pain but this also means if she has some srs wounds she might not treat them srsly#also p sure i said that her powers came from her moms side#but if she gets like a lock of hair or smth she can connect to the person and later on learned how to connect others with each other#hence why she became like communication support for hero teams#its easier for her with family though#and while my oc cant do the same thing she can still do that with her fam and siblings and wears a bracelets with locks of their hairs in#case she needs to talk to her fam#thats all i remember lmao
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