#thats some serious coordination

[vitiateoriginator]

At my job we have a TV in the breakroom that plays announcements from the company, news of events, and company propaganda (no I am not kidding).

Last month's propaganda piece featured the company's CEO bragging about the corporation making 5 Billion dollars in profits, and that it was all because of the employees (that he only pays $13 an hour). They played this video every 5 minutes and repeated it twice in a row each time, once with English subtitles, and the second time with Spanish subtitles.

This month's propaganda is about Open Door Policy. They also play this one back to back every 5 minutes. Wonder why that is

[a-little-lostmoon]

some LU headshots in my style for personal reference. subject to change bc drawing consistently is a bitch but overall i think i’m happy w them! (ignore the comic/writing idea in the upper right corner it may or may not be made into a full think idk yet—)

typed notes for each lu member + a little extra below cut

wild—

oval eyes

rounder oval ((ish)) face

amber earrings

healed scarring

androgynous

i tried to reference the boys’ canonical character models to individualize their features more. i love botw and totk sm but personally i’m not the hugest fan of the way the characters look for it? even so, i think the rounder sort of eye shape works really well for my wild

his colors specifically i drew to be a bit more sunset kissed/orangeish bc i was referencing a wild photo in which the time was sunset. thats abt it. but i think it’s really pretty on him so i’m probably just keeping that whenever i draw wild

warriors—

cheek bones/jawline

rounder ears

pointy eyes ((eyeliner that could stab a person))

cheek scar bc i felt like it

i stole away some of wars’ side fringes, forgive me i couldn’t decide whether i wanted them to cover up his jawline and chickened out. if anyone actually read the comic thing you’ll see smth abt the old man and wars talking abt how his hair parted to the other side of his face during the war. i made it to ‘vent my frustrations’ bc i drew his hair part referencing HW photos of link instead of LU wars and it’s now become my headcanon.

his hair color is vivid bc HW color pallet is pretty damn vivid and his eyes & earrings are a deeper blue to match his scarf. color coordination!

anw he’s a pretty boy so i made him pretty — that’s pretty much the rest i have to say abt that

time—

tired eyes

longest ears

(slight) rbf

both time & legend have half circle/oval eyes ((kind of. at least that’s what i tried to go for to give them a more worn/serious look))

i’m not the best with differentiating ages. i tried to make him look a bit more worn/oldest but i also wanted all of them to still carry some of that classic pretty boy link look. don’t have much else to say but he has the longest/angular ears bc fairy boy. let’s pretend four’s don’t look longer than his i drew him later and forgot

twilight—

<-takes more features from malon ((who i haven’t drawn yet so you don’t have any reference on that))

pretty boy face (wasn’t intentional but it is what it is)

twilight princess link is v pretty. twilights usually one of the more rugged (for lack of a better term) looking ones bc he’s among the taller ones/apart of the “adult” squad but i accidentally made him very pretty looking. oops. don’t know if that will remain consistent for him if i draw him more so we shall see

him and time share less features than i might’ve wanted? you can see a bit of time’s jaw in the way his face curves but overall they don’t share many features. again, he takes more after malon. but their hair textures are incredibly similar if that means anything

gave him jade studs bc they reminded him of midna and are practical enough that he can just keep them in the whole time (bc he will lose them or forget abt them if he takes them off)

sky—

rounder face

big eyes

lips

big ears

his hair color was a bitch to get right im not sorry i had to say it color is so hard to work with. in any case! skyward sword link has bigger looking eyes cus of the style and i just ran w that. his earrings are magenta to match sun’s dress but look red when the light catches them right (or wrong ig bc they look red in dim light too) just bc i realized his earrings were red to match his outfit/crimson.

sky and the next three (everyone sans wind) probly look the least off their character models

legend—

oval iris

full rbf

multiple piercings ((this is important for u to know))

longer narrow face & features

boy’s a strawberry blond bc i said so. and also legend purple eyes propaganda. i don’t know where exactly that originated but like i love it and im on board. he also has purple stud earrings he always keeps in — curious, isn’t it. he probably has more than i gave him but well, thats all i gave him. it gets the picture across. hc that legend realized he couldn’t get more fingers for his rings but he could get more piercings that could handle jewelry that did almost exactly the same thing. practicality!

also i couldn’t decide on legend’s hair length. its all hidden by that hat of his so i just… didn’t draw the back half portion of his hair. does that make my legend bald at the back of his head? you decide.

hyrule—

wide face narrow chin

freckles!!!

bigger earlobes

the earlobes is me projecting /hj but i tried to reference the og link’s face shape for him which idk if i like yet. he has freckles and more accent colors in his hair and eyes which is a subtle thing but a sorta maybe reference to his fairy magic. no piercings for him! i forgot them/didnt see them on og link and can’t really imagine when hyrule would ever get the time to pierce them so he and wind can do that together eventually to bond. legend will do it probly — he obviously has the experience and wild can’t be trusted (offered to pierce winds ears with a knife canonically)

wind—

big eyes

void eyes

big ears but rounder than skys

soft face

fluffy hair

wind’s 100 yard stare *does* things to the chain but none of them tell him that because he’d definitely use it to freak people out. i couldnt decide between going lighter sun bleached hair wind or bright blinding yellow toon link hair so i kind of meshed them together to create that. tried to make him the youngest looking

four—

symmetrical angles ((and then i drew a polygon quadrilateral bc thats the shape i used as a reference)) for cheeks and eyes

minish feather ((earring))

minish ears & nose

hime bangs

yk the picture of a minish that comes up when googled? thats what i used as a reference for his features. ears specifically, nose somewhat. four’s eyes are usually the greyish hazel color you get from mixing all of their colors together but i liked the split look for this piece more. his hair color is also wind’s but inverted so wind’s lights are four’s highlights and his darks make up the brunt of the base color as a slight reference to how it’s occasionally theorized/hc that wind is four’s descendant.

and the hime bangs were bc i wanted a little more “link side fringe” variation and i thought the sort of straight cut looked nice. hime bangs are not the right term tho bc he parts them to the side and doesn’t have that straight cut on his forehead but i’m too lazy to fight the correct term

— thank u for reading, go hydrate and eat if you have not <3

[ecto-hazard]

ive never had an original thought process and i will continue not to, aka, Grey's TF2 BLU team clone theory post. This is a long one boys.

i was talking about this with some people yesterday but i really wish tf2 canonically acknowledged blu team more and i think everyone who likes tf2 agrees with me. In case you're one of my hfjone followers who are unaware of tf2's story, Ill just give you the basic overview cause the story is like scrambled around in a bunch of comics, videos, and updates so it might be kind of overwhelming but i do recommend trying.

THE BACKGROUND INFORMATION

There's like these two richass brothers fighting over ownership of a plot of land inherited from their father who gave it to both of them in hopes theyd learn to cooperate with each other. Like reasonable people, they decided to hold an all out war in the American southwest by hiring the world's most skilled mercenaries to fight their battles for them in hopes one of them would claim the land. They each own their own company, RED or BLU, and in the game you fight on one of these two teams usually with the objective of taking territory or intel. A key plot point, that neither the mercenaries or the two brothers are aware of, is that this whole war is being orchestrated to be in a perpetual stalemate by a woman known as the Administrator, so she's the one involved with managing the mercenaries and coordinating attacks so that nobody makes any substantial victories. The gist makes this sound like a more serious story than it is like theyre fighting over a plot of gravel its really dumb actually. And then there's robots and shit that happens later just dont worry about it for now. dont even worry about it

In the game you can play as one of 9 classes of mercenaries, shown above with the aforementioned brothers and also saxton hale (dont worry about him either). Youll notice that in this image its a mix of red and blu people, but these guys exist on both teams. When it comes to promotional material, you almost see them as red team, but the exact same classes exist on blu. And they look the same, and sound the same, and have the same weapons and stats.

Obviously from a gameplay standpoint, it makes sense for these guys to be identical, but they aren't just identical in the game. There's a ton of stuff in videos and comics where they just use the same designs or models, same voices, same personality, everything.

So that's where the popular Clone Theory comes from. Basically one or both of these teams are clones of the original mercenaries to keep the fight between teams fair, because as stated before, these guys are in an orchestrated stalemate.

Again, if youre unfamiliar with tf2, you may be wondering what these guys canon reactions are to the fact that they are fighting somebody who looks and acts exactly like them right? Like, there's a ton of comics and videos about them, so they probably noticed or something? well they FUCKING DONT. ITS NEVER BROUGHT UP.

MY FRUSTRATION WITH THE LACK OF BLUUUUU

i really want them to like. fucking acknowledge what the hell is going on there? like are they actually clones in canon? it would make sense but its never fucking talked about. like even if they didnt actually give a definitive answer, i wish at the very least they pointed out the fact that HEY. these guys we're paid to kill look just like us thats fuckign weird. granted like most of the team are idiots, but while someone like soldier might not question what's going on, i'd think someone like Sniper or Spy who's jobs involve keeping a close eye on the enemy team would probably notice right?????

to be fair also theyve like. never interacted with themselves in any media stuff? the closest we ever get to seeing a red and blu counterpart interact outside the actual game is in meet the spy but we'll get to that later. It's interesting that they either purposefully avoided having them interact or they just overlooked a chance for the funny. we never see what its like for the mercs when they originally get hired (maybe cause they were never hired at all!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE ALL CLOENSSSAAGHG) so we dont really get to gauge their reactions

well why focus on blu team? pretty much all the media is very red centric. the meet the team videos are all about their respective red members, and the proper comic series is about red team (or is it?). the only meaningful stuff we see from blu team is from the war update, meet the spy, and that one christmas comic where spy told a child to murder someone. why's it so red centric, you may ask? well its cause they look better in the promotional art dumbass. do you think people would buy the orange box with blue people on the cover? fuck no think about the color theory

of course its entirely plausible that the red and blu team only use the same character designs for simplicity sake. its possible in universe they are two different sets of people who just look the same to us for the sake of gameplay, but that seems a bit outside the style of storytelling, where everything is sort of ridiculous and literal. i feel like in writing they would commit to it, but they've just managed to write these guys so they never have to interact and acknowledge how weird it is

so i wanna explore what of blu team is actually acknowledged and see if we can reach some sort of conclusion about them? cause clone theory seems to be the most prevalent but what do we actually know that would support that? But before we can even get into that we have to talk about the unavoidable elephant in the room

IS RESPAWN EVEN FUCKING REAL??????

In tf2 you dont stay dead when you die unless youre playing like a specific gamemode that nobody plays. you respawn after a short period of time in a little room and then go back out to get killed again. this is like crazy magic shit so that probably wouldnt be canon right. except crazy magic shit is canon, but that doesnt mean people are getting brought back from the dead- no thats canon too. While nothing in the videos and comics explicitly states that the mercenaries that are getting killed are able to just pop back to life, its not out of the realm of (tf2) reality. Furthermore, certain voicelines that activate after killing the same person multiple times in the game indicate that the characters themselves are in fact killing the same people over and over again, and they do just come back to life. The reason this is even relevant is just cause like BLU team has all canonically died at least once, and the BLU Spy has died two different times at least, so if they can respawn it would make more sense

Since we're talking about voicelines, what do the voicelines tell us about BLU team? really not a lot. The voicelines are the same no matter which team youre on, which supports them being the same people, but again is probably a game mechanic thing. Now onto the videos.

We can sort of skim over most of the meet the team videos because Blu's central role in almost all of them is getting killed, but there's a couple meaningful interactions in some of them.

Meet the Soldier

There isn't a whole lot going on in this one, but I find it interesting that they made the choice to include the BLU soldier's head here, but mostly obscured. This could be an example of an instance where they purposefully chose to avoid showing these two guys at the same time, which couldve been easily avoided by not putting it there at all honestly. Also why does he have that many blu helmets

Meet the Spy

This is the most we ever see of blu team in the videos. Characterization is mainly featured with Blu Spy, Soldier, and Heavy. These characters share the same mannerisms and personality of their Red counterparts here for sure. Most interestingly, Spy also talks a lot about his Red counterpart here. It's pretty clear he seems to consider the two to be similar in terms of skill and threat, which would make sense if he suspected the Red Spy was one and the same.

The Scout here isnt the actual BLU Scout, so his behavior is a bit suspect. It'd make sense that Red Spy is behaving like the Blu Scout and that their behavior isnt actually meaningfully different from the Red Scout. Furthermore, he's the one who specifically draws the comparison between himself and the Blu Spy ("I've killed dozens of spies... like you!"). So it seems the feeling is mutual.

This video is interesting also cause it implicates that Red Spy is Blu Scout's father, while the comics implicates that he's the Red Scout's father. Like what is it? Is he both of their dads? Is Blu Spy anyone's dad? Do the scouts have separate moms? Are the moms also clones? if both scouts went to see their mom and would they end up meeting at the same place and freak out? See this is all interesting which is why i WISH THEY WOULD AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT ITS STRA

Meet the Medic

Blu isn't really characterized here a whole lot. A minor joke that's in here is Blu Spy's head, which is a reference to the unused concept for mtm if you weren't aware. But that's just like a one second joke and we don't ever see him again except for that one taunt. Honestly i really shouldve just skipped talking about th WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

That is about 5 million BLU Soldiers. This is i think the ONLY time we've ever seen multiples of a single class on the same team in tf2's story universe. This is perhaps the most damning evidence for the clone theory we're going to get.

However, this is pretty easy to write off as a production streamlining choice. They want to make a mountain of bodies to stand on, so it's probably easier to copy and paste the same model than take the time to get a good mix of classes in there, and I can respect not wanting to waste that much effort on a minor detail of what was probably their highest quality production at the time. They did take the time to give them different hats though, but that's not hard to do in sfm. But if this scene is literal I really wanna know what the fuck happened here. At least we know where all those helmets came from

War Update Comic

Speaking of BLU Soldier, this comic is all about him. We learn a lot about him in this comic, such as his name being Jane Doe, a trait he seems to share with the RED soldier

(though this panel comes from the mann co no more series and its possible that, at this point in the story, this IS the blu soldier for. reasons. we'll get to that)

He behaves in the irrational violent manner we're accustomed to for the red soldier, though there is an interesting detail that he lives alone in an apartment, as its later revealed that red soldier is roommates with a wizard (dont worry about it). in game voicelines being the same for both classes means that both red and blu soldiers claim to be his roommate but voicelines being the same doesnt really mean a whole lot

Loose Cannon

This is around the time TF2 decided to have lore. We learn that BLU engineer is contracted to keep the two Mann brothers alive so the war can go on perpetually, as his family have a history of doing this apparently. The fact that BLU Engineer is the one who's got this specialized role is actually something thats consistent later in the comic as he specifically is revealed to be personally aiding the administrator

As for Red similarities, well. Blu Engie here is referred to as Dell Conagher, and I don't know think the red engie ever is. However, they both have a cool robot arm known as the Gunslinger, an item that specifically the Blu engie got access to in this comic, not the red one.

either the red engineer has some sort of shared memory with blu, or he was given access to these files after the blu engineer built his own gunslinger so things could stay in a stalemate. there's more evidence for the former, but i would believe the latter too.

Meet the Director

The origin behind the meet the team videos is revealed to be "interviews" staged to keep an eye on the red team and also make a point of how stupid it was for them to agree to an interview in the first place. Blu is basically absent from these comics, but they are mentioned. They made the explicit choice to skip videos of them for whatever reason, hence why all the meet the team videos are red team focused. I dont know how much weight this comic holds though cause its just announcing the saxxys. rip.

A Smissmas Story

This Christmas special is the most blu the comics ever get. It's also pretty standalone though. So while the characters are all pretty in line with their red counterparts as far as personality, not much extends outside of this to really point any fingers. The main tie in to the main series is this courtroom scene where Soldier is acting as Scout's lawyer.

This, as it turns out, gets referenced far later in the main series where the Red Soldier wants to act as Red Scout's lawyer in a courtroom.

Well. okay. case closed then? These two different red guys remember this exact scene that occured with the blu guys as if it happened to them. Theyve got some weird shared experience thing going on right. Guess theyre clones???

YOU FOOL WE HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT MANN VS MACHINE

You remember those two brothers who are the whole conflict thing well they fucking Died. Turns out they had a secret eviler brother who killed them. "Oh what's his name grey?" uh. dont worry about it.

This event causes both the red team and blu team to have to work together in a new coop mode where they fight new brother's army of robots so he cant take over mann co, which is what the administrator and saxton hale (still dont worry about him) oversees.

(this video is so badass man)

So red team and blu team are mixed together now. That's fine though they're still color coded. ARE THEY????? ARE THEY??????

in mvm, all players wear red, and all evil robots are blue. It seems like they had plans to let people play as blu team against red robots cause red robot models exist but they didnt implement it.

This is consistent in the comics as well, where we in The Shadow Boxer see all Ms Pauling is planning only with the red team to fight the robot uprising.

See all red wait-

ive seen this image before. what the hell. lemme check back at the main page

WHAT THE FUCK WHYS THE HEAVY BLU IN THE THUMBNAIL

DID THEY. DID THEY ORIGINALLY MAKE THE COMIC WITH A MIX OF RED AND BLU AND THEN GO BACK AND MAKE THEM ALL RED? LIKE THE HEAVY WAS BLU IN THE ORIGINAL MVM UPDATE AS WELL, SO IT MAKES SENSE HE WAS BLU. IS HE. IS HE JUST WEARING A RED SHIRT NOW????

so whats this mean? it means that in the main story series, the red team we follow MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THE FUCKING ORIGINAL RED TEAM. they couldve all just put on red shirts to distinguish themselves better from the robots or something. there's just no way to be certain who's who anymore

well damnit grey guess thats theory over then BITCH YOU THOUGHT

GRAVE MATTERS

Grave matters is a comic released after the shadow boxers for that years halloween update. Despite this, it explicitly takes place after the two brothers are killed

These two guys become ghosts disputing who actually died first because all they can do is bicker. So they turn to a lawyer to actually figure things out. What lawyer you ask?

JANE MOTHERFUCKING DOE

they go to RED TEAMS SOLDIER, who is named Doe, who also claims to be a lawyer. this is EXPLICITLY before the teams can be mixed up, so this is the ACTUAL RED SOLDIER REMEMBERING SOMETHING THE BLU SOLDIER DID. I DID IT. I PROVED CLONE THEORY. ITS REAL. AHAHAHLDKGHDKLASHLGHKSLGGJ

well. honestly no i didnt. its highly likely clone theory is real if you take all this evidence as legitimate, but tf2 is kind of a bullshit game when it comes to how seriously it takes itself. there's contradictions about demo's upbringing, about whether or not medic actually had a license, shit like that. so its all suspect and thats okay. i dont blame them for not having a concrete plan for the story of a silly shooter game.

theres been good news for tf2 lately but i somehow doubt they're ever going to bring attention to this one specific thing i find interesting, and thats okay. there's plenty of fan made media that explores the blu team. Emesis Blue and Lil Pootis are amazing animations about them. You've also got fanfiction like Kith and Kin and You Need to Get a Head that specifically explore the angle of the tf2 teams being clones. And I think that's what makes tf2 special is the community that gets creative with it. Yeah it may be cool for valve to come out some day with the 7th chapter and the heavy update and the adult swim series, i know id be ecstatic. But we've got tons of people who can create all on their own and thats enough for me I think.

[itstokkii]

finally, some aph uzb headcanons

i realize i've done some korea, amekor, and turkuzbek hcs but i've never actually done one of my blorbo uzbekistan. so thats changing right now

- she's of average uzbek woman height(167cm) and her hair is that shade of brown that looks almost black, but when the sunlight hits just right it looks like a faint shade of auburn. you know, that kind of hair shade.

- her name is "nargiza" which translates to "narcissus flower" or "daffodil." her close friends and family(and turkey too ig 🙄) call her nargiz for short.

- her hobbies are embroidery and quiltmaking with tajikistan, trying out new desserts to bake, reading, gossiping, piano playing and knitting(she picked up both from russia), drinking hot black tea in even hotter weather(she's a tea elitist and Will Not Consider iced tea to be part of the tea category)

- best cook. she's the best cook out of the central asians and they always try to have her cook dinner("it just hits different when you cook food for us apa")

- she has a resting scary/angry face. she looks like she's about to kill someone. but when you ask her a question she'll immediately smile and won't hesitate to help you in whatever way she can.

- has the best relationship with kazakhstan and tajikistan. though sometimes she has a habit of babying kazakhstan as an older sister. old habits from the uzbek khanate die hard i guess...

- has a weird relationship with uyghurstan, and they have a few very awkward phone calls per year. if you heard the minutes of silence sandwiched in between their conversations you'd experience second hand embarrassment.

- her relations with iran are interesting. she adopted persian as the official and court language of the bukharan khanate. but she's also tried to take parts of iran's land a few times. for a while iran even exerted control over the bukharan khanate for a few years by persian ruler nader shah until he died. there's been a lot of cultural exchange from iran to uzbekistan historically, and uzbekistan is also considered a part of the greater iran region(maybe i should give her the ahoge...). nowruz, for example, is a holiday that came from persia and is celebrated in the central asian countries, especially tajikistan and uzbekistan.

- she...doesn't like russia. not at all. it's one of the few things she and kyrgyzstan both agree on, and they've both fantasized about throwing themselves at him like rabid dogs for a while(kyrgyzstan was more serious about it, and uzbekistan had to stop him) but after her independence she had to suck up to him due to her economic reliance on him. recently, though, she's been moving away from russia in favor of spotting economic opportunities within uzbekistan that will help with self-growth(and also reaching out to turkey and china for mutual trading)

- she's not the most developed nation out there, but is still very prissy about her overall appearance. she knows how to clean up. don't even get me started on the things she wears to weddings. she isn't worried about competition because she IS the competition.

- at home, she'll wear the usual stuff you'd see an uzbek mom wear, a matching dress and pants cut from atlas fabric. she'll have a small scarf wrapped around her hair to pull it back, and has her hair up in a ponytail, bun, or braids.

- when she's out, she wears perfectly coordinated outfits every single time, hair and makeup perfectly done.

- dont be fooled though. she Will wear the definitely fake chanel sweaters and slippers with pride.

- she fake smiles a lot and tries to stop her habit of having a resting scary face. even though that's her default, she's gotten a lot of flack from old ladies throughout the centuries for it.

- generally, she's not a super expressive, bubbly person(that's her sister tajikistan). she's fine with small talk(and DEFINITELY gossiping) but depending on who it is and whether they're in her social circle or not, she'll either enjoy it or hate every agonizing second of it. When you ask about her house though, she'll tell you everything with a certain sparkle in her eyes.

- if you want her to go through all 44 feelings at once and watch her freak out and overheat like an old gaming PC just bring up turkey i guess

- to get into her social circle takes a lot of time and a lot of waiting for her to open up and talk about personal things. Think maybe...20 years at the very least.

- leading into the other headcanon of her being a little insecure. throughout the years, the uber-collectivist society of uzbekistan caused her to become more and more hyperaware of her actions and how others will think about them. the one exception is that she can't hide her disappointment.

- her predecessors are the khwarazmian empire and timurid empire. she barely knew the khwarazmian empire as uzbekistan was born as one of the few tribes to emerge after khwarazmi was engulfed by the mongols.

- she was old enough to remember timurid, however. he was like her older brother, albeit one with...skewed moral values. he'd always insist that this was all to rekindle the empire that the great genghis khan left behind, and to spread islam as a religion.

"besides," he'd add, "isn't samarqand looking absolutely beautiful lately?"

"yes, because you kidnapped the best artisans and craftsmen after looting their cities." she deadpanned.

- she was quite surprised(and impressed, by a sliver) when her brother managed to successfully siege ankara and cause a civil war in the ottoman empire. she knew timurid was growing, but she had no idea he got this strong. it almost didn't seem surprising when he announced his plans to go after china, before he died(and then respawned as the mughal empire, but that's another story.)

- "russia when i catch you russia" - uzbekistan since the 1870s

- she has a house in tashkent and bukhara, but mostly lives in tashkent now that it's the capital. since she's literally the center of central asia and borders everyone including afghanistan, they all stay at her house when traveling(turkey is stuck at a hotel whenever he visits tho...)

- her spice tolerance? dont even ask. its not there. completely gone. give her a little heinz chili sauce and she's scrambling to find water.

- once korea took her out on a date to a korean restaurant. one bite of the kimchi and it was over for her

- if you ever come over to her house, she'll spoil you with food and gifts. there will be a drama series playing on her tv as you two chat for hours. when you leave expect it to be about 8 hours after you arrived and for the walk home to be extremely heavy as she gives you 3 bags full of gifts and dried fruits and desserts.

[navy-leader]

Okay Is It just me or am I a little bit lost on how Victims gonna fulfill this whole. . .Revenge thing he has going on, like are we forgetting that these guys are legit just, PIXELS? Sentient AI, and Alan Is a living breathing human being, like how Is that gonna work, and they all know that Alan Is a human and not just a cursor we’ve seen It countless of times, like It Victim just gonna bomb his house with drones or some shit or hack his computer, like are you planing on killing him. . .??? WHAT??? LIKE PEOPLE AREN’T THINKING ABOUT THIS, LIKE ALANS IN THE REAL WORLD, How Is this gonna coordinate, like chances are Alan DOESNT even remember Victim exist, like that’s so embarrassing for him, like he Is as Irrelevant right now as a spec of dust, like I felt threatened at first but now. . .Uhm not so much, hoping we get some more world building because the lore runs deep, I wanna see how the real world would clash Into this universe, like Is Alan the only one who can create live sticks and hollow heads, are there laws regarding It, can only certain people do It, HOW IS ALAN NOT IN DEEP SHIT AS WE SPEAK BECAUSE ONE OF HIS CREATIONS ALMOST DESTROYED HALF OF THE INTERNET, LIKE THATS SOME SERIOUS STUFF AND HES JUST GOING OFF SCOTT FREE, DO PEOPLE KNOW STICKS EXIST, ALAN PLEASE WE NEED ANSWERS MAN YOUR KILLING US.

THAT IS TRUE. I ALSO DIDNT THINK THAT;;;; I always assumed the goal was to kill Alan but again,,,, How.

And god yes irrelevancy and being overlooked has always been a factor of victim's character, both in-universe AND real world, i feel its in the name,,, and names hold power in this world, hes meant to be nothing more than that;; UNTIL NOW I GUESS????

Also i dont think Alan is the only one who can create these kinds of stickmen? Because in the conversation he had with that programmer in AVA2 its implied that perhaps the hollowheads we see in the series arent the only superpowered stickmen out there,,, Alan/Noogai made the mistake of making Chosen THE CHOSEN ONE, but there Was a way to get rid of him, unless that way was exactly the way that Noogai did it, then,,

I made the speculation that Noogai was just a young curious kid on the internet, messing with things that are more dangerous than he thought, like accidentally downloading a virus from the internet (which Chosen technically is?), he wouldntve known this is whatd happen but god knows if anyone else has done it as well. And hell how would Chosen and Dark link back to Noogai? Its not like his name is on them or anything.

Okay imagine Victim isnt only going after Alan, maybe its going after people who Are Like Alan, maybe internet users in general, maybe Alan is only his FIRST target, a little revenge before he starts his Real siege

[the-lightless-flame]

ugh makeup is SO. like i enjoy it but also i enjoy SPECIFICALLY fun makeup (my black lipstick and sometimes eyeshadow) and i hate the artificial look that comes from using serious amounts of it. once it crosses the line out of self expression it sucks so bad

YEAH YOU GET IT

i feel like for me id love to do the fun makeup. if i didnt have such terrible hand eye coordination id be doing so much funky eyeliner stuff. and id probably try out some black lipstick if i found some. but beyond that. idk ive tried using foundation and some other stuff and it just never rlly appeals to me enough to try to learn it properly

obv respect to ppl who use more makeup thats cool for them but like i dont think it should be the default yknow? i like how i look better without it

[starlightshadowsworld]

Danganronpa 3: Future arc episode 1.

Aka Makoto's very, bad horrible day

Thonks.

Okay so we're just gonna jump right into Makoto being arrested.

Fun.

Makoto who just does not give a fuck.

That is not the look of fear.

White haired dude is doing the this is why your arrested thing.

And immediately, vibes are off. Maybe it's cos he's arresting Makoto.

Because Makoto is my boy.

Or because I don't like his hair. It looks... So bad. I can't put it into words but the more I look at it.

Yikes.

Love the snap shot of the tragedy.

Red sky, everyone in Monokuma masks the snap shots of the Remnants causing havoc.

I wasn't prepared for Gundam's snake army.

Which he has, apparently.

Low key thought what is probably a giraffe, was a dinosaur.

And the snake wrapped around him, iconic.

And the lil bit of Nagito bowing to the Warriors of Hope.

... Which makes me realise Komaru and Makoto literally just reunited and now your arresting him.

Booo!!!

Booooooo!!!

"Humanity had one hope against the despairs"

Makoto Naegi.

"The future foundation."

Pfft. Nope.

You don't even get the lenience of not knowing, the game was televised.

Also why do they all have giant ass trench coats, but this one girl has a fur trimmed one?

We were supposed to be coordinated but nooo.

You guys trying to convince me you saved the world and you can't even coordinate a group outfit?

Suuureeee.

I'm sorry but I can't take this serious narration seriously when looking at people with Monokuma masks on.

And a teeny fedora on one side.

It's so silly, I love it.

See, they may be trying to destroy us all but at least they can coordinate.

I do hope we see and hear more of the tragedy. Especially from these guys because we don't know much about it.

I mean our only sources are Junko and Genocider, not the most reliable.

16 remaining.

...thats not gonna last. And I'm glad we're not doing 15 and than a secret 16 student this time.

At least I hope so.

I swear if there's a random 17th student I'm gonna flip the table.

Random dude with a bull head.

And fur coat girl feeding the guy who's head is on her lap food.

Okay than.

I dunno why but I was suprised they had talents like oh yeah that's not just a high school thing is it.

Immediately, suspicious.

Because tf you mean the Director is the former Director of Hope's Peak.

You mean to tell me there are teachers that survived?

Given what happened to Jin Kirigiri I just assumed all the teachers were gone.

... Apparently not....

But the director? How did Izuru not just destroy you? Like you survived? Are you the only one who did?

I was so scared he was gonna be a secret Kirigiri or something.

Also sus that we don't know his talent, unless he doesn't have one.

I'll be honest, the talents are kinda lame. I mean we've got:

Wrestler.

School scout.

Therapist.

Pharmacist.

Boxer.

Confectioner.

Farmer.

Blacksmith.

Housekeeper.

They aren't bad, they are some pretty cool ones but we're coming off detective, gambling queen, soilder.

Like I expect a few normal titles but suprised there was nothing crazy.

... I'm gonna take that back when the Housekeeper goes full Kirumi Tojo and turns out to he president of Japan aren't I?

I guess it makes sense because they were the survivors of humanity united together.

So them having normalish talents make sense but yeah.

I'm actually more suprised everyone was a Hope's peak student or staff member than anything else.

Also we gotta give them a better title than "Former super high school level" because that just sounds sad.

Oh and we're on a completly safe on an island that no one knows about...

Yeah ya'll are fucked.

White haired dude is back.

And we know he's clearly a big deal because he walked up onto the table.

... How high are the ceilings here?

Kyosuke Munakata. He's the vice chairman of the future foundation.

I will say his hair sucks but that tie is interesting.

And suspicious.

No one walks around in all white with a black tie that has a monster on it.

And we get a full look at the Remnants.

Badass.

Also Mikan's nurse hat looks so adorable.

Twogami with the night vision goggles.

Foreshadowing.

Sonia with the crown 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼yesss.

What are you talking about? You don't look at these murderers with glowing red eyes and think, besties?

Sounds like a you problem.

They officially call Makoto the Ultimate Hope.

So happy, I'd be more happy if they weren't trying to arrest him tho.

"Is he even worthy of that name?"

... If I didn't like you before I sure don't now Munakata.

Don't talk about my boy like that.

Sidenote, I dunno why they keep calling it treason. You guys aren't as far as I know a government or a monarchy.

It's not treason.

Man nothings ever gonna top Makoto showing up late to his own trial.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Asahina!!! And Kyoko!!! With him, yess.

Outfits look great guys.

Maybe that's how you become a future foundation enemy? You just outclass them in the fashion department.

Man I missed these guys.

And yeah... They just arrest Makoto, no rebuttal just accepting he did the crime they're accusing him of and he deserves the punishment.

Love Asahina trying though, that was sweet. It must be hard for these guys too.

And I really like how there's people in the foundation wgo still respect Makoto.

Yeah he betrayed you, you're just doing you're job.

But he's also a colleague, he's someone you've come to know. You still respect him for the things he's done and still like him as a person.

I appreciate that.

... Unfortunately there's also the asshole's who hate him completely.

And fucking beat him to the ground.

And someone tried to throw a knife at Asahina, who's innocent mind you.

...This series is gonna give me anger issues I swear.

That good ol hopes Peak hypocrcy alive and well it seems.

I never thought I'd say this but can we start the killing game?

Please.

They made him bleed the asshole's... And the blood is red.

Kyoko maintaining her image because she knows she has too, while making it clear she is pissed off.

She's immediately characterised correctly.

... Is Chisa the Housekeeper lady with Munakata?

Girl I don't even know you and you deserve better.

Kyoko being Makoto's boss makes so much sense, professionally.

And in her own way telling Asahina she doesn't want her going down with them.

Asahina though, not backing down. I love the friendship between these two.

"We've been through worse."

Ha ha... Don't say it...shhsss

Wait, Chisa taught the Remnants?!

I guess someone would've had to but... What?! You're telling me they allowed her in here?

I appreciate her talking about this, hearing from her you can't kill them with kindness.

Hits harder, because she probably tried to. It must've been hard for her to see her own class destroy the world.

And visually they both look similiar, same green eyes and brown hair.

I wonder if she sees part of her in him. And telling him to quit while he's ahead.

... But Makoto's gonna do it anyway.

Or already has.

I love his answer though, it's so utterly Makoto.

They were people, they weren't born evil and I see hope in them.

... Fine I'll give Munakata a chance but I'm 👀watching you mister.

Hmm let's see, the buildings shaking and there's a bunch of dead bodies in a toilet stall.

Killing game tiiime.

I love the idea of Kyoko abd Asahina just shoving Yasuhiro outside.

Glad he looks the most changed, because he always was the oldest.

Aaand rocket missles.

Man Makoto just getting treated like shit... What would holding him down do? He's already injured.

I get that he's Lucky but it's not always good... As your about to see.

I will say I appreciate Munakata being level headed in the crisis. He might be vice chairman but he's definitely a leader.

Kinda like how Kyoko is Makoto's boss but when it comes to it, Makoto is definitely the leader between them. With Kyoko as his second.

Which is a neat parallel between him and Munakata.

Welp there's the sleeping gas.

And we're waking up disorientated and confused.

With... Bracelets? So at least Makoto got the handcuffs off.

Monokuma's suprise shouldn't make me laugh but here we are.

Makoto looks horrified, poor guy. I think he could've gone his whole life without hearing that again.

Poor boy, got arrested, beat the fuck up, and now relieving the worst experience of his life again.

With all the people who want him dead.

... Fuck man..

I hope the confusion is more what the fuck are you and not what is that?

Because I'm sorry if you don't know what a Monokuma is by now...you're really bad at you're job.

But ohhh boy we really are back in buisness.

"We'll make it a game, you millenials are into that aren't ya."

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Makoto, I appreciate the early Hope speech because fuck Monokuma.

But literally everyone but your friends and Chisa maybe want you dead.

...and hun, you know how this works.

Makoto being instantly horrified and pissed off is the Makoto I need more off.

.... And they fucking killed Chisa.

I don't think we've ever had an opening kill? But... Fuck man, I was expecting her to survive.

... Nope... And oh man it's so brutal, the red blood really makes it worse.

And now Munakata's grieving and pissed...

Which means one of the more level headed dudes isn't gonna be anymore.

Man...Games begun.

Monokuma addressing Makoto by name like an old friend just adds to it.

Fuck man we in for a ride.

[effieandtim]

With the intimacy coordinator on set right now (thank God for them) sex on camera is basically like doing gymnastic or something. They have prosthetics and multiple layers between them, so actors feel literally nothing. I know this kind of ruin the magic but this is the truth lol Anyway the comments I have read for now are harmless. I will worry if people will begin to suggest that Matt should leave his husband for Jonny, but for now they are mostly joking and pointing out the chemistry (which totally fair, because their chemistry was on fire!).

hmm yeah thats true and i think safety and comfort of the actors comes above everything else in this situation

i read an interview by the makers and they said every intimate scene was rehearsed extensively and the actors had total say over what to include and not, and apparently offered their own inputs as well

i am yet to see a serious comment as well about them at least in the qrts i have looked at, but again as i said it’s possible that anon saw something else

the chemistry is so good honestly like i was rewatching some scenes just now and it’s literally on fire

[adacatlovelace]

I feel like something that isn't talked about enough is the fact that the reason why so many youths are drawn into this sort of "everyone sucks" sort of mindset is that when you grow up being taught by conservatives, sure there may be a point when they realize just how horrid the political views of their family members are, but have inadvertedly swallowed the slow poisoning against the left over their formative years.

This can be especially harmful to people who fall outside of cultural norms as for so many years they have been at best constantly criticized for who they are or at worst straight up ostracized by friends and family.

They grow up feeling like shit for who they are while being fed conservative talking points about the left and the seed is planted to make them believe that EVERYONE is like that, right or left. Then they see these fringe cases of extremists on the left who also demonize who they are (usually just for other reasons) and it reinforces that idea that its all just hate from all sides.

They are so used to the conservative playbook that its hard to imagine otherwise. Like of course you're gonna buy and internalize the lie of "Those leftists will demonize you unless you are part of a marginalized group" when you are already so used to being demonized if you aren't the "good Christian boy" your family wants you to be, because to you thats just how life works.

Alone this is already bad but it can also get so much worse as having this mindset is when the radicalization begins to seep in. Hategroups LOVE to downplay the absolute fuck out of how the conservative mindset affects our culture while overplaying the effect of people outside that political ideology.

Heres an example: Early 2010s saw a rise in critique against things like sexism, racism, homophobia and lack of representation of marginalized groups in video games. People began treating video games are more than just a leisure activity you turn your brain off and enjoy and more like a serious art form.

On the other hand, gaming had become just about synonymous with this exact group of people. These critiques to them felt like a coordinated attack on gaming (And these sort of people by extension) from the left, and do you know WHY that is? It is because for DECADES there HAD been a coordinated attack on gaming from the CONSERVATIVES, who believed things like "Games cause violence" and were 100% fully IN SUPPORT of censorship.

These people were already so used to the conservative playbook that "Game developers should be more socially conscious" became "Games are sexist/racist/homophobic and should be banned" because they were so used to dealing with "Games are Violent/Satanic and should be banned" because the very idea of being critical of something out of a place of wanting it to improve vs being critical of something because you hate it and want it gone" was so ALIEN to them. Hence near CONSTANT comparisons of Jack Tompson (A lawyer who repeatedly lobbied congress for the banning and censorship of video games) to Anita Sarkeesian (Someone who made videos and WORKED WITH DEVELOPERS as a consultant to HELP their games be better)

Now here comes the Far-right. "Hey buddy heres some talking points to absolutely DEMOLISH the SJWs! Trust me Im just like you Im ostracized by both the left and right. Dont actually think about it too hard. After all it completely DESTROYS them and reinforces the idea you're being attacked"

Suddenly the Alt-right is born out of the lie "Both the left and right are BAD but the left is SO much worse" being left to fester. After all, if you spend enough time learning to "defend yourself" against the Leftists, your views are probably gonna start to align with the conservatives who were all too happy to join your fight against the "SJWs who are trying to DESTROY your hobby."

I think thats also why there are a surprising number of transpeople who held previously reprehensible views in the past, because they grew up ostracized and demonized while also having a bitter hatred to the very people trying to HELP them because all they know is abuse, but eventually they managed to heal from this mindset and get them help and support they need.

Not a day goes by that I don't feel utter CONTEMPT for the person I used to be, but I suppose the reason Im writing this to more fully understand what had lead me to become that person, so that I can hopefully help people avoid making the same mistakes I did. Maybe its even for the better that I will always hate who I was, and that there is likely people out there who will never forgive me for my past. People change but the damage done cannot be undone and its not the job of the people you've attacked to work on seeing you any differently. They don't owe you forgiveness.

[theeyeofinfinity]

How a thousand lifetimes becomes one.

I think part of my process of dealing with things that bother me are to almost think them to death. I will sit and almost cauterize my spiritual wound with the hot piece of metaphorical steel that is my source of hurt, pressing it to myself until its numb and sealed. I think I’d rather it be that way than running from it. It would just follow the trail of blood i leave behind and find me over and over again. That i feel is infinitely more exhausting than a brutal week or weeks or month of just sitting with it and then moving on after but i digress. I’ve been thinking about all the beautiful moments shared. I think about the time i spent out in the woods behind your parents house. Sitting by the tree that was claimed so long ago and the many trips i took to find it. I remember the peace i felt sitting there and imagining a version of us that never stopped loving each other. Seeing how happy i was to sit with my best friend. Flowers in your hair while i gave you a piggy back ride by the river. Laughs and talks about our struggles in life and how happy we were to have this little pocket of earth to escape from our day to day. Happy to have each other, knowing we’d never leave or love anyone else. It brought me closure because the two that belonged together both died together. We are different people and in essence not them anymore. Thats why we can never have what we had before. So I’d go to pay my respects maybe once a week after work or if a storm was coming. Found the fastest ways in and out so i could watch the little movies in my head before having to race against the sun.

I remember when i felt like i couldn’t stay away anymore and started looking at your page. Seeing that you had found my coordinates and went there yourself. Part of me always hoped I’d run into you. I knew i never would because its not a place youd be in casually to begin with. I remember seeing the post about going on an adventure somewhere secluded. And then leaving an address for me to follow. I remember how conflicted i was trying to decide what i should do. How i begged myself not to go. I wanted to leave it behind like i had promised myself because there was no point in prolonging my own suffering. I unblocked your number just to see if youd say anything as the days got closer. I remember how much my heart fluttered when i saw your name come up on my screen again. I knew i had to go but i didn’t want to tell you. I wanted you to be surprised. But i told you anyway out of fear youd be asleep and i wouldnt be able to find you. Youd already expressed frustration that i wouldnt be coming so i felt compelled to. I got there after what felt like an eternity on the road. I found you. Spent the night talking, watching the stars, and eventually connected in a way that seemed impossible. We had bound ourselves together yet again. I remember laying there the day after just as confused as you were. Scared of what the future might bring. In some ways i was right to be.

I remember how we would talk so often and feel like we had so much to say. So much to catch up on. So happy to feel each other again. We started to bond so much and i felt like i was the only thing that mattered to you. So happy that we came back to each other that youd hold on so tight that I’d never be able to get away again. I started opening myself up to the idea of loving you again. One night while i was in your apartment we had another passionate night. We were so intertwined and i remember how serious you got telling me how glad you were that i was your first. How thankful you were it was me. I spent every day since wishing for another night like that. I remember going to trivia night and hearing “mirrors” come on after we talked about you telling me how much the lyrics matched us all those years ago. Hearing it again when we went for ive cream from a lady street performing. i remember taking you that train tour in the middle of nowhere. It was pretty and cool to sit and watch the scenery. We met a cool waitress there and i got the utmost satisfaction being outside the train while it went through a tunnel. Cold but memorable. What i remember most is getting our picture taken at the end and the waitress told us to look at each other like we were in love. I looked at you and you just looked straight at here pretending like you didnt hear it. It kinda hurt but looking at that picture was just a reflection of how things have been for a long time. Me loving you and you looking away. We got to go explore the old haunted assylum turned hotel that we almost stayed at, looked at some cool shops, and tried out a really tasty bakery. It was also the trip i gave you a stethoscope. I did a bunch of research to see what brands worked the best and finally found one i thought would suit you well. I was so excited to give it to you and the look on your face made it worth the wait. I wanted you to know that through it all, even if you didn’t believe in yourself, youd always have me in your corner cheering for you. I believed in you and us more than anyone ever would or could. You would also carry a piece of me and that sentiment with you for however long you kept that stethoscope in use and in a sense have me there for support whenever you were hard at work.

I remember our trip to go get your motorcycle and you telling me how good i looked on it. I was so ready to ride listening to my music but you wanted to keep talking to me and it made me smile the whole ride back. I also remember waking up at just the right moment when you had texted me late at night to ask if i was awake when you had gone to take a ride on said motorcycle. How the timing of me being there when you need me most always amazed me. I let you come crash at my place because it had started to rain and kept you warm. I was so happy to be your warmth… and to just have you there unexpectedly. I remember the first time not cooking hello fresh but making you soup and grilled cheese from scratch. Our movie marathons and watching top gun and its sequel with you for the first time. Now i’ll never see those movies without thinking about watching it late at night after your shift, cozy together in bed and falling asleep to a video of a fire place. I remember being there for you while you moved out and basically did it all with just you, while your roommate acted off and pushed you aside, i was your rock and finished it out with you. One night that we spent together and you packed my lunch and made me coffee and sent me out with a hug and a kiss. How for a split second i could imagine the happiness I’d feel being with you, coming home to you, you being my everything for the rest of my life. Or when you showed me your pill remover and i asked you to try it on my favorite shirt and it made a hole in it. The gasp and the look on your face made me laugh and all i could feel was love for you. I remember driving out to firefly on a whim to see you just because you said you wished i was there. Hell, i flew to new orleans just to see you. The whole thing was crazy from the start and even while on the plane i kept thinking to myself, “ i cant believe im really doing this…”. It was cool, new place, same girl i couldnt stop loving. From the cool stores and stands, bourbon street, “bagnets” and the aquarium we went to on our last day, i think you were my favorite part every time. Even if it ended with the worst heartache i had felt since the day you left... I remember taking you to jingle ball right after you took me because i wanted to surprise you. Not knowing that because of how eager i was i had given it away. And how chaotic the night we went to yours was, insane traffic that made us so late we couldnt go eat dinner, parking in the wrong spot and walking around a college campus trying to figure out where the concert was without telling me why we were there. Having you finally give up and tell me so i could help find the way. All i could think to myself was just how much i love this woman. It was also the night i unveiled the bad bunny playlist i made for us that took me a while to make. I listened to every album he had and picked all the songs i could tolerate and was going to show you during MY trip to jingle ball with you but you looked so sad and stressed that i pulled it out early. All the small dates scattered around. All the nights i came late in the night just to spend a few hours with you. Some of those nights my nose would whistle and i wouldnt know why but it would annoy you but i thought it was kinda funny. The chemistry when we’re both at our best is truly unmatched. Its a shame the last things i’ll remember is watching it all go cold as you started to back away and in my panic holding on so tight that you flew away. My heart will always remember. What a world isnt it? Reduced to being a ghost for the rest of eternity…

[keefwho]

October 28 - 2024 Monday

10:32pm

6/10

First of all I KEEP forgetting to take pictures of my food for my food blog. I meant to take a pic of everything I cook just for fun.

I spent my free time this morning trying to get shaders to work in VR minecraft but I could not do it. I couldn't stream today because the commission is private but I did not dilly dally like usual when I don't have an audience. I worked hard but it wasn't draining. During lunch I squeezed in 30 minutes of Minecraft to get started figuring out the controls and modpack.

Instead of drawing this afternoon, I worked on my pony avatar again creating hairstyles. I reached 32 before I called it done even though I still think there are some gaps I need to fill. I might take the time to catalogue what I have and fill those gaps because I want to do a good job. On the first run I didn't coordinate the best hairstyles to do, I was just going from a list. Some of them are basically the same though, especially when they are made so low poly. So I just stopped. DS and I had some important discussion today while I worked/played Minecraft and I'm glad we did. Finally got a little bit off my chest in a healthy way. Minecraft is fun, it gives me something to do that is kind of low brain and engaging. And a little immersive. When I felt done, I launched Cities Skylines to get the new French asset pack and set up my next attempt at making my own EPCOT. After DS and I did puzzles, I played a round of Steel Division and did very good. I am learning from this youtuber I've been watching.

Sometimes its hard to talk about gaming with confidence because the concept is so silly. Its common to apply too much importance or too high of stakes to a video game. I don't want to sound like that. I don't want to make video games sound like a job or noble hobby. Right now they are a way for me to play, like really play. I think I'm slowly starting to relearn how to just have fun and games are obviously a good way to do that. So in a sense they are serious to me but that still seems kinda silly. I just have to apply the wisdom that literally nothing matters in life aside what we say matters. Thats most things that are "important." So how can I be judged for doing what humans do?

The sucky part is that even though I can do cool things I wanna talk about in my games, that usually doesn't translate well to conversation unless the other person is just as intimately aware of the content. So all the time I do spend playing is time that I know is only going to be known to me. I think thats a good thing though. Its enforcing that it's MY time. I just hope I dont seem like a bum.

[dawnowar]

Feeling good

I don't know if I'll remember to do it, but I have found out today that theres a way to cross post from instagram that doesnt take too many more clicks than not cross-posting so I'm gonna try and keep my tumblr up. From the day I first found tumblr in the very beginning, I have always preferred this as a format than any other way to post my stuff online.

No one looks at it but not only is that fine, it keeps me very unguarded here since I don't have to worry about which assholes on my friends list are gonna argue about things I say here or who is going to see my opinion about them or whatever so I've been using it as a place to vent.

Anyway I just got back from my 2nd workout of 2024 and I'm just logging here that my fitness level is much higher than it usually is when I start my January diet. Probably because I just did 17 classes in like 21 days to get my 2023 shirt before the end of the year.

It's good. I'm also a lot flabbier than i usually am this time of year but i feel like its very realistic to think that by Valentines Day i'll be considerably less flabby.

I always do January diet and exercise till Valentines day when i begin celebrating my birthday for way too long. Till im sick of it and then i go back to being normal, meaning some balance of eating and exercising till the holidays when it all goes out the window.

I got sick back in October and then again and again and again 5x till i just gave up and was like ill go back on a diet in Jan. Theres no way to be sick and on a diet. anyway i've been eating whatever for so long im flabby as i was before i got serious and took it off last summer so I gotta do it again. Which sucks but I also feel like I know how and I'll do it.

So i just cross-posted most of 2023 over here and had to take the time to look at everything i did all year.

It's a scrapbook really. I think tumblr started out with that premise. That you should use it as your scrapbook. Ive always seen it that way. its just a public-facing scrapbook.

Only things I really left out were some failed relationships. I started or tried to start or meant to start and i think ultimately all of them, even though they were all completely different, failed because I just wanted to do my own thing. I think I've been on my own a long time, and as much as I'd like someone to fall in love with and live happily ever after with, i also have my own agenda and its hard, after so many years to coordinate time and spending money for other people.

And again, I spent all this time on diet and exercise only to have to do it over again now... but romantic dates = eating for some reason and I'm so stressed out spending time and money on meals. I like company but I need to save money and exercise and this is my priority now.

I do girly exercise so its not like i can exercise with a date and its too damn cold to go for walks or whatever. I hate gyms and i dont think theyre a good place to get to know each other anyway.

I just logistically can't make it work.

Oh im sure there are other reasons I'm not trying to publish that things didnt work out with any of these guys but it really is just so much easier and less stressful to not try to date and to eat right and exercise.

So thats what ive been doing and thats what i intend to do for January and into the first two weeks of February and then i guess maybe ill reevaluate.

[opals4eyez]

Tired

I worked this weekend. I am so fucking tired today. I have like some sort of sinus infection going on. I’m also just tired from stress.

I went to therapy. I cried a lot.  I’m grieving this process. I am angry that my family is so shitty that I can’t turn to them for support. I am SO FEARFUL of telling my mom about this cancer. It’s fucking bullshit. Papa Don died and my mom calls to tell me that she already has another project elderly person to work on. I resent her so much. This is all triggering old wounds. 

If I had a normal supportive family and well adjusted parents that took just a second to treat themselves, I wouldnt be in this position. I wouldnt have always been looking at strange boys to fill my emotional needs. If my parents had just taken care of themselves I wouldnt be so scared to tell the that I have cancer. I wouldn’t always be looking for love in strangers.

I wouldnt doubt people when they love my. Brandon wants to support me. I feel his intentions are pure. But every second this cancer thing gets more serious the more I am anticipating, even encouraging him to leave.

fred hutch was able to move my appt up to this friday. Thats good news. I will have a plan. I spoke with my patient coordinator (I applied for this exact job in december!) susan today. She seemed very nice. She let me know my cancer is indeed going to be treated as triple negative.  I will probably need chemo, before and after surgery. Its making this all seem very real. 

[jesterlaughingstock]

I can't keep this in any longer. Im sorry. This is incredibly self indulgent and its gonna show. Its really gonna show

Sam and Jared both leave at 18. Sam goes on a scholarship to Stanford as per the show, and Jared goes on an athletic scholarship (the sport in question is soccer. Idk if they do soccer scholarships in america but they gonna do it today. Why? Cuz idk shit about american football. Thats why!) to another school thats near Stanford because he wanted to be close to his brother.

They live together for the first year just fine, but when the summer comes, Jared wants to visit Dean and John and hunt with them, make up of sorts. Sam doesn't want to, and a fight breaks out. Jared looks for the other Winchesters anyway, and when he can't find them, Sam's "I told you so" cocky attitude only increases the tension between them. Jared soon gets an opportunity to play football (i cant keep calling it soccer. Im sorry i cant) professionally in a club. He drops out of school and takes it, moving away from Sam.

Fast forward to pilot time, Dean breaks into Sam's place, and he goes. "Where's Jared?"

"Uh, I don't know." Sam replies, a little tense. "He dropped out and got signed in some club."

"When did you last hear of him?"

"I'm not sure, it's been a while.. Dean, what is this about?"

And then Dean goes "dad's missing.. yadda yadda yadda... i need all the help i can get. We should go get Jared."

Sam reluctantly agrees. After some digging, they find him relatively easily. He's still in the area, so it's not that long of a drive. They get there the next morning, just in time to see him mid match.

He's grown and filled out since the last time they saw him; heck, it looks like he's a couple inches taller than even Sam. He plays defensive midfielder; an optimal position for a player in his physical condition; fast, strong but coordinated enough to tackle without fouling, tall enough to win almost every aerial duel with precise but powerful headers. He makes decisive passes, reads the field in seconds and acts accordingly. His dribble could use a little work, but he can take the ball from an opponent like taking a candy from a child. He doesn't score, but you can't say that he didn't put on a great match.

This entire skillset flies over Sam and Dean's heads as they impatiently wait for the referee to declare an end to the match.

After the match is done, Dean lets out a loud whistle that makes Sam wince and most heads turn towards him, including Jared who does a double take before jogging to them, a reluctant smile on his face.

"Let me guess.." He says as he wipes his forehead with a towel. "You're here because of the good news.. aren't you?"

Dean frowns. "Good news?"

"Of course YOU wouldn't think it's good news."

"What in the hell are you talking about." Sam deadpans.

Dean rolls his eyes. "Dad's missing. He's been on a hunting trip for a few days."

Jared's face dropped. He looked around to not show it. "So? I'll put up a flyer on the locker room if you want me to, see if anyone saw him passed out drunk in a ditch."

"Jared, this isn't funny." Sam berated him. "He could be in serious trouble."

"Oh. Hey, Sammy, how are you? Still don't know how to pick up a phone and press the call back button?"

"I was busy."

"Well I wasn't picking up daisies over here on my end either? You only know to call me when you're sick and your little girlfriend isn't home.."

"It was one time!"

"And then disappear for the rest of the year! I had to call brady to find out if you were feeling better..."

"...Unbelievable... you get meningitis one time and you have it held over your head for the rest of your life..."

"..how fucking stupid are you to think it's about that? Do you even hear me...?"

Feeling the beginning of a headache forming behind his eyes, Dean came between the bickering twins. "Alright, that's enough!"

"Bitch." "Prick."

"Jared," Dean said impatiently. "Are you coming or not?"

Jared glared at Sam before resigning. "Fine. But you only have me for the weekend, I have to be here by Monday."

"Sure."

"Dean, I don't think you understand me." Jared said with a tight smile and an air of danger in his eyes. "I NEED to be here on Monday. I don't want your half hearted "sure". If I'm not here by Monday, I'm royally screwed."

"What, you got an appointment with the mafia?" Sam quipped.

"You'd think that of me, wouldn't you?" Jared sighed. "Give me 15 minutes, I'm gonnna go change and take a shower."

Help i accidentally saw a post where someone made up a twin for sam and while washing dishes i accidentally fleshed him out gave him a personality a career a dynamic in the winchester family and incorporated him into the show's story

[skswriting]

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[thelastranger]

Hello there! I noticed you reblogged the trick or treat thing, could I request a treat (fluff) with either Brotherband or The Early Years characters? If not thats fine :) Thank you!!

Happy Halloween!

“Can’t we keep the cloaks?”

Egon shook his head. “The baron will know what they look like and he’ll have alerted his guards to be on the lookout for a group of rangers. The easiest way in is with the crowd of revelers.” 

It was tradition that the barons of the land on Saint’s Day Eve would provide a feast for everyone who came in costume to their castles. The whole night would be filled with dancing, revelry, and lots and lots of food. 

“We’d best fit in. Scatter and find some costumes. We’ll meet back here in twenty minutes.”

Everyone nodded at Berrigan’s orders and slipped away to gather their materials.

–

There weren’t many shops still open at the late hour and Crowley and Halt were lucky enough to catch one shopkeeper right before she closed her store. With the promise to pay extra for her trouble, the woman let them in to inspect her remaining stock. 

“Let’s not waste the money. Just let me cover myself in camouflage and we’ll be on our way.”

“You can’t cover yourself in mud Halt. That’s ridiculous.” 

Crowley pulled out his coin bag. The jingling sound it made was pathetic and these costumes were going to wipe out most of his reserves, but after all the stress of trying to coordinate against Morgarath, he and Halt needed something to distract them while the rangers ran from Morgarath. 

“What are the most popular costumes you’ve sold?” Crowley aimed his most charming grin at the sales lady. 

"We've had a fair amount of costumes lampooning our fine prince Duncan.” She gestured towards the pile of costumes in the corner. “There’s also a jester option that you can imagine is also pretty popular.” 

The crown was crudely carved from wood and the cape was a few wears away from disintegrating, but they were still better than the jester costume which was a muted shade of orange mixed with a truly hideous shade of green. The hat was covered in a multitude of different sized bells and leggings had so many tassels on them that Halt wasn’t sure the leggings and tunic weren’t made out of fur. 

Halt dragged Crowley away and pulled him down into a crouch.  “I’m not dressing up like the king.” 

It did feel slightly like treason to Crowley, but he was pretty sure Duncan wouldn’t mind too much. “Then you’re going to have to be the jester because those are the only costumes we can afford right now.” 

The two rangers looked up from their furious whispers and the store lady quickly averted her eyes, not trying to hide that she had been trying to listen in. 

Crowley handed the money over. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

–

The other rangers had fared slightly better costume wise. Berrigan had found a large wicker basket and cut eye and arm holes out of it, leaving a terrifying figure that, while attracting plenty of stares, would certainly not be recognizable as a ranger. Farrel had stolen the clothes off the back of a nobleman and was covered in velvet and embroidered flowers. The only one who it seemed hadn’t attempted to find a disguise was Norris. 

“Some con man was selling poor quality replicas of a ranger’s cloak. It’s the perfect disguise.”

Crowley desperately wanted to make Norris elaborate on why he thought dressing up like a ranger was the best disguise, but there simply wasn’t time. He fixed his wooden crown and called out to Halt. 

“Come on Halt, we have to leave.” 

Halt was standing back in the shadows. After the older rangers had seen him in the jester costume, they had wasted five minutes trying to catch their breath, laughing. It was too funny of a sight to see the serious ranger dressed up as a jester covered in bells, tassels, and fur and it was too funny to imagine the tricks Halt might have to do to entertain the baron. 

Jurgen had stripped off his cloak and tunic and was only wearing the ancient robes of the Hellenese. “If we’re going to invade the castle, we might as well get some good food from it!” 

The rangers cheered as Leander led the charge, but Berwick fell back. He looked at Halt, feeling sympathy for the young man but duty to the mission won out.

“Catch up when you feel like it. It's going to be a long night."

After taking a moment to compose his thoughts and prepare himself, Halt jingled sadly as he ran to catch up to the others.