#thats so long sorry no im not my autism is awesome

[nomairuins]

my tags on that went on for so long i had to go back and edit them to fit tag limit and i still had to delete a bunch of them. Its the autism it literally is

[oddvanilla]

ultrakill yaaayy :33

basic info that i am 99% sure you already know:. its a bloody and violent fast paced fps where you are a robot who went to hell for blood (blood is fuel and allat 🔥🔥) . you kill literally everything. its level based and you travel down through the layers as you go. theres multiple weapons and multiple weapon types and also 3 different arms that you can switch through really quickly to get more style points and deal more/different damage

my favorite weapons are the marksman revolver (your can throw up to 4 coins in the air and then shoot them.) and the pump charge shotgun (you can also parry the shells to make it go further which is awesome and really cool and also awesome. if you overcharge it, it blows up and can launch you really far. both good and bad depending on what situation youre in) but theres more weapons and i dont really want to explain every one, so. :3 (oh oh the screwdriver railcannon is also good cause itll hit an enemy and cause it to bleed. which heals you. hence the 'blood is fuel'.)

there's like a. score thingy and your rating for each level is determined on how fast you complete it, how many enemies you've killed, and your style points. (and i think how many times you die). all levels have a like. best score that you have to get for it to be like, S or A or whatever. P ranking is beating a level under a specific time, killing everything, and getting at least a certain amount of style. and not dying at all. its kinda. pretty hard. this is what a p rank looks like

that was for the level where you fought v2 and got the whiplash (arm that is like. uhhh. grabby thing? how do i explain it . like it pulls you towards things or things towards you depending on their weight. like a grappling hook?? idk) basically it was just a boss fight thats why the style points and kills are low. i dont have pictures of any other levels ive p ranked.. so .

anyways :3 its a really fun game. its very fast and there's always shit happening and you have to be like. always alert or else youre dead. this was not as in depth as i could have gone. and i didnt talk about the characters or like. some other stuff. if you want more explanation lmk and i will be happy to do it 🔥🔥🔥 SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG LMAO I WAS TRYING TO P RANK 6-2 AND TYPE THIS SO EVERY TIME I FAILED ID COME BACK TO THIS AND ADD MORE 😭😭

autism fueled rant over 🔥i should have added more pictures but i was scared that if i left the tab this would have been deleted. :333

First of all. This is, THE COOLEST EXPLANATION IVE SEEN EVER. I've NEVER been more interested in reading long paragraphs than right now.

Second of all, HELL YEAH!!!! FAST PACED GAMES ARE THE BEST!!! or at least for impatient people like me...

WHAT I GOT IS THAT THERE'S LIKE. DIFFERENT WEAPONS FOR DIFFERENT PURPOSES?? LIKE SOME GET YOU MORE STYLE POINTS THAN OTHERS?? IDK ABT YOU BUT MARKMANS REVOLVER SOUNDS COOL ASF!!! AND P RANKING IS LIKE,, ENDING SOMETHING IN A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME.?? I THINK THATS LIKE SPEED RUNNING A LEVEL😍 IS THAT WHY ITS CALLED ULTRAKILL?? BECAUSE YOU JUST KILL EVERYTHING?? DAMNN

Im actually curious what's the lore who are the protagonists and what are they fighting against

[sociallyawkward--fics]

hi xy time for what is becoming my annual checkin! how are u! i feel like since its been abt a year i have to infodump abt all my character development hold on i'll speedrun it. my pronouns r it/its zhey/zhem or (less preferred) they/them. and i have settled on those. it/its is the only one thats ever given me gender euphoria, took 4 years but i got there. ummm realized i have autism (undiagnosed). love the stimming and the being insane abt fictional characters the rest isnt that great. got anxiety meds!!!!! oh my god xy!!!! life is so good now antidepressants r a girls best friend. also. hold on ur never gonna believe this. i have adhd meds now. the crowd goes wild. was like yea doc idk i just think the anxiety meds r not improving my ability to focus what was that u said abt adhd^__^ n she was like hmmmm ok i cant diagnose u but i can give u this adderall u dont need a diagnosis for n if its like glory hallelujah we'll just assume u have it and GLORY HALLELUJAH. ive cleaned my room like more times in the past few months than i have my entire life im WINNING. i cant rly feel if its working but i'll sit down to write or smth n i wont get distracted every 5 seconds n the mental block that keeps me from doing things is gone!!!!! life changing stuff just wish i had it before my grades fuckin woooo splat. um my gpa is 2.2 weighted im like. ok well now that i have adhd meds im working on it -H (i feel like. ok i think tumblr made it so ur asks can be longer but fuck all those liberals n their woke agenda (joke) i am all abt tradition babey i'll be back for a pt 2 rq)

ummm rly into books love books. "thats old news h everyone knows that" but like im being wonderfully unnormal abt them<3 there was this one series the ascendance trilogy n i was fucking OBSESSED w it when i was younger n i learned there was a 4th n 5th book recently so like. the trilogy thing was a fuckin lie. but i obviously had to reread the series so i could read the new books n im still so obsessed w the series its so banger for a middlegrade series. got so unnormal abt it i made a 7hr playlist for the main character bc everyone elses sucked so much ass i just had to. still in the process of rereading but yeah. also theres this OTHER series the raven cycle i read recently n im also obsessed w that these series r all like my ideal books they hit all my favorite tropes. yeah just being rly unnormal abt books thats my current obsession. also. drawing. im so good at it u wouldnt believe. next fuckin van gogh right here. n honestly i dont even care abt going off anon it just bothers me bc my ROUTINE. the TRADITION. its just not the same. but i'll go off it just for u to show u some of my banger art. at a stage where im pretty frustrated at my limitations but that doesnt mean i cant recognize that im fucking awesome ok hold on again -H but yea ok to finish up what have u been up to! tempted to just ask what shows/game/etc uve been into but also i am exerting a little of my brain power to realize some ppls lives dont revolve around those. so just liek what have u been spending a lot of time doing. how is writing going! wait what r ur drawing skills just out of curiosity draw smth for me (if ur comfy ofc n dw i completely understand if it fuckin sucks taht was me just over a year ago) -H (when i was younger i used to think that ppl couldnt be good at writing n drawing they had to choose one. exerted my baby brain power to be like. it takes too long to get good at them u can only do one. then saw a book w the cover art credited to the author n i was like woahhh this is fuckin crazy living my younger selfs pipe dream)

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The way I have had a reminder on my phone to answer these asks for MONTHS but my executive function has been GARBAGE i am so sorry my friend it was not intentional to leave this sitting for so long i am so sorry!!! (also between the two of us this got Long so i am putting a read more so i don't take up a big block of people's dash in my return from the dead lol)

thank you for pronouns update! congrats on meds!! i gotta get me some of those so i can Detroit: Become Functional lol. I am rooting for you with your GPA!!! Also lol, love that we are following tradition of multiple asks still even with the tumblr updates letting asks be way longer now lol, it is just Familiar To Us

I will have to look into the ascendance trilogy!! My sibling is also obsessed with the raven cycle, but i have not read it yet (still debating if i want to or not, have been for YEARS lol, because i keep hearing "author problematic" and then never remember Why because i have Goldfish Memory). I will not post your off-anon ask with the artwork unless you want me to (want you to feel comfy on the blog and sending asks and I know you prefer anon!), but i will say that your art is AWESOME, my friend!! you are SO good and you're only going to keep getting better! I am glad you enjoy it!

Also bestie. This is a neurodivergent space lol, my life also revolves around shows/games/books/etc. they are the only thing that make the monotony of life and job-having under a neurotypical capitalistic society bearable lol. I actually have been getting back into reading ACTUAL BOOKS lately which feels GREAT (because reading Actual Books when i am so tired and Non-Functioning all the time is Hard lol), i am finally going through my seemingly-endless TBR and also have reread some old faves this year. Games-wise, the only thing i ever think about is still the Dragon Age games, Alistair is the love and light of my life lol. Show-wise.... i am in Limbo because of the Exhaustion, tragically, and also just waiting on new seasons (OFMD). Witcher has a new season out, but i have not watched it yet because Energy and also i have no motivation to because the last season they put out was so bad (even if i hear this one is good, i have lost trust lol)

Writing is. Not quite going lol. I have not finished a fanfic in ages, and also have made little to no progress on any of my original work attempts either, tragically. Hopefully things look up for me soon cuz I wanna get stuff DONE again lol, this blog has become so quiet and near obsolete because i cannot FINISH anything and it is TRAGIC.

Also, I have little-to-no drawing skills, but I also unfortunately do not have much energy to apply to drawing you a picture atm :(( maybe someday. Sometimes I can draw something that makes me go "omg i am not Awful, maybe I could actually put thoughts and energy into learning this as a skill" and other times it is like "i will never put pencil to paper (or stylus to screen) ever again" lol. Maybe someday when i am doing Better again i will hopefully have the energy to draw you something!!

[numberonechonnyjashfan]

I READ THE WHOLE THING AND I ACTUALLG NOTICED THOSE TOO AND I LTIEIRIWOTIEKT I LOVE THE AQUATIC ATMOSPHERIC AND VOLCANIC DESIGNS THEY ARE SNOSO YUMYUMY YUM YUM FEED ME MOORRREE i need more art of them THEY GO SO UNNOTICED… guys… GUYS NEW ART OF GUESS WHO COMING SOON GUYS. ANYWAYS YES A LOT OF THE DESIGN CHOICES THAT YOU DID ACTUALLY PLAYED INTO THEIR PERSONALITIES AND. IM GONNA BE SO REAL RN. I’VE BEEN HYPERFIXATING ON YOUR DESIGNS FOR SO LONG SO I’VE BEEN LIKE ANALYZING THEM, AND I ALSO YES I DID NOTICE THE KIND OF N00Z3 AROUND SOUL’S NECK THAT SHRINKS WHEN HES OVERWHELMED i saw that post… I SAW IT WAIT I HAVE IT SAVED

RIGHT HERE.. GUYS. im fr lovelyshiz art #1 eater and enjoyer YKW THATS MY NEW TUMBLR BLOG NAME YKW YKW YKW./hj

ACTUALLY I USE YOUR ART AS FCS FOR OUR JASH HEADMATES IM BEING SO SRS :33 sorry sorry OFF TOPIC OMG

okay ywjaywu yes i did notice souls fluctuating halo designs, how it gets spikey and wavey or normal depending on his mood and i think that’s actually so epic and plays into his personality so so so much. and the stiches THEY’RE SO DARK IN MEANING but theyre SO FLIPPING AWESOME SAUCE i made kandi bracelets based off of them…. 😈😈😈 ALSO ALSO ALSO AND AND AND

PEOPLE LIKE TO THINK THAT WHOLE IS A HUMAN.. HES LIKE

TECHNICALLY HE’S NOT. IF YOU LISTEN TO HIS VOICE IT’S A LOT LIKE SOUL’S AND I THINK THAT ALSO PLAYS INTO THE FACT THAT SOUL HAD CONTROL OVER WHOLE AT THE BEGINNING. also this image is literally my favorite thing ever its soooooo me when my brother

family lore guys/j

ANYWAYS UMM.. i want to make a suuuuuper long rant post about these sillies but… the world can’t handle my autism yet the world isnt ready

here is said rant post.. HEAR ME OUT

no im being fr cause like okay this isnt a “omg i love them so much theyre so hot” hear me out post, this is a “holy shit i have stuff to say” hear me out post

can we take a moment to analyze and discuss @lovelyshiz ‘s cccc designs!!!!!!!!! ermrm biiiig autistic ted talk coming biiiiigg autistic topic-to-topic discussion ted talk coming are you guys ready

you guys arent ready

LOOK. look at soul guyss LOOK okay ready for biiiig talk

soul has aspects of heart and mind in his design guys. GUYS okay so on his name tag, the ??? is purple, blue, and orange yayayeyaurje wowowowoelwkeke geah eyah and also in his silly sparkles on his darker half, they r purple and blue!!!!!!!!!!!! uwoaiwowe lovelyshiz if you dont have lore for your designs, NOW YOU DO because I THINK!! the reason for this is becausueu he was in control of whole most of the album and when he let them all work in unison together woelooei aspects and influences from heart and mind affected him and SO!!! thats why there’s parts of their colors implemented BIG DISCOVERY GUYS no its not actually thats probably not why it was probably for funsies but umm.. shiz your designs have lore now i guess

okay HEAR ME OUT on why heart is in a hoodie and sweatpants…… HES EMO!!/j umm j think its because he is verrrry emotion and so he finds the comfort of biiiigg clothes very soothingnand so when he gets sad its NOT for long because biigg clothes biiiiiggg happy yahshaheh!!!!! also his shoelaces r untied cause he doesnt feel like tying them probably he just flies around everywhere probably

WHOLE ALSO HAS HMS STRINGS HOLDING HIS PANT HOLE TOGETHER HOLY SHIT that was most likely intentional but I THINK it’s because they r APART OF HIM!!!! whole is a did system real guys….

um.. nothing about mind HES NOT SPECIAL ENOUGH/J

well actually yes there is something about mind

his halo

hes referred to as the SKY in a few songs or was that heart idk but he ALSO HAS A CLOUD ON HIS HALO AND HE SINGS STORM AND A SPRING YEHAJEN idk im not really onto anything i just RREEEALLY like the designs they’re so 😍😍😍😍

[botseeksbot]

harvey again (remastered)

[scaryfaggot]

YOU CALLEF IT TEA!!! ^-^ ^-^ ^-^ wuilburt ythat made me feel very happy . well for tea i made myself super noodles bc my mum was tired and i am . an angel smile. they were bbq beef which is very unusual for me bc i am not fond of neither bbq or beef but well the noodles barelhy taste like either flavour ! they are thge least boring super noodles flavour so i eat them the most. but hm well i do not play muich pokemon either. definitely more of a sonic person in . the big franchises. tho actually we buy macaroni and cheese packets and sthey used to have pokemon on them sometimes jigglypuff or charizard or pikachu b they had a crssover and it was very cool. thi s ask is very long sorry wilbur

its ok i Like your longask.Oh my can you come to my house and make me noodles too.all i ate today was 1 sand wich. peanut butter jelly Quite a big fan and then i drank a monster Im still drinking it but its after 12 Noon.Which isnt good for me it will make me feel Weird in the brain later tonight but right now im just like Teehee yummy energy drink autism HUNGRY feed it MONSTER ENERGY. oh im not much of a sonic guy either. i like sonic the same way as i like pokemon: Look at em and go hmm.funny little guys Arentcha. also i know exactly the mac and chees eyoure talking about thats awesome Do they still make those. ill buy some

[raikaren]

My story about Loneliness

I think its time to share my story. People in this story are not on Tumbrl, but I still change their names.

Okay, so first thing is that I´m on autism spectrum. Making friends is really difficult for me. Story begins when I gratuated in 2012 and started to look for a job. I wanted to move out of my hometown, closer to Capital. After few months I got a job offer, wait where is it? Google helped, between two big cities and 3 hour drive to Capital? Alright, lets go! So, I packed my things and my parents on a moving truck and off we went, literally Into the Unknown, I had never even visited that city. First months were easy and fun, getting to know my new hometown and most important, trying to make friends. After a few months I changed to different section at work, closed area. There were few older workers and 5 other workers, my aged, all five were friends with each other, also outside work. Perfect, I try to be friends with them! And oh boy, did I try. Long. I had no idea where elsewhere would I find friends and I was too embarrased to admit to my co-workers that I had no friends. I tried for one year. Second. Third. Still no social life outside of work. Thank god I knew an internet friend 60 km away who also introduced me to Tumbrl (Hi Emppu!), I honestly dont know how I would have survived without her.

On 2016 I decited fuck it, if I dont get friends in here, I try to find a boyfriend. I joined Tinder and thats where I met Johathan. We didnt match, but instead we became friends. YES! FINALLY! My first friend! Later that summer I found two other friends, Jack and Hannah. And then I started to catch feelings for Jonathan. Fuuuuck. I didnt have courage to tell how I felt, because he was too important for me and I didnt want to ruin our friendship.

Then, on 2017, after living in here for 5 years I decited to celebrate a little bit and hosted “Rai 5 years in City”-coffee party. I invited almost all I knew from work (all women) and Hannah. I invited 10 people on total, on monday two people were coming. Two, Hannah and former co-worker. On wendesday they both cancelled. No guests, no party. I havent hosted any party ever since.

And here comes really personal, embarrasing thing about Jonathan. We went to movies a lot and we watched tv series together. But he farted. A lot. Not with sounds though, but every time while watching something a half-way through a slight smell of fart started to come from his side. Every. Time. I was like “ew it stinks- Naah hes handsome, hairy and awesome company, whatever.” But at some point I have to mention about this. Then he suggested we should have a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition Marathon once. Holy hell, yes, lets go, but NOW I have to mention to him about his little problem, but HOW. How can I talk about something this personal? I mentioned about it to him via WhatsApp and he promised we would try to do something about it.

And then came the fateful day in 2020. At this point its important to say, that every time I get embarrased or nervous theres two choices: Either comes “the word vomit” or I completely freeze. So, he comes over, we watch almost last episode of Witcher season one and after watching he asks me about his problem and then it happens. Then I get really nervous and say The Bad Thing, really bad thing. After saying it happened two things. I realized how awful I said and I saw the hurt look in his face and then comes the total opposite. I completely freeze over. I can still joke and talk, but inside im completely stuck, I cant apologize to him at that moment. After he left I was horrified, I need to apologize him, not via Whatsapp, this is way too big thing to just text him like “im sorry”. I need to apologize to him face to face. Three days later I go to my  hometown for summer holiday. Last day of holiday I check on facebook and...

“Jonathan is in a Relationship with Miriam.”

Oh. Okay. Keep it cool Rai, keep it cool. Now we relax and give those two their personal time and space, I ask him to come over later on the summer/fall. I gave them space, I texted Jonathan maybe once a week. I also unfollowed him on Insta. On halloween I finally texted him and asked him to come over, I needed to talk to him about something. Oh hes busy, okay, I wait. Week later I text again. Two weeks later again. For 6 months I tried to get him to come to my place so I could properly apologize that awful thing I said. On march, still no answer. I talked with my mom about it and she thought that maybe Miriam is one of those jealous girlfriends who dont like that their boyfriend has girls as friends. Finally I has to apologize to him via Whatsapp. No response. Nothing. Three months, complete silence. I still dont know what he thinks of stupid thing I said or my apology. Then, summer 2021 I see him tagging Miriam on a post and I think, fuck it, lets see how she looks like..

Our cleaner lady from work. My closet neighbor. The one I see at work every single day, thats her. Holy Shit. I havent talked to her, she still has no idea at work who I am. 

Also on 2021 Jack and Hannah both got work from nearby city 60 km away so they moved there. Great. So its me by myself now.

I know. “Friendships dont fall on distances”. But heres a catch. Hannah is friends with Miriam. Yeah. So that sucks. Im horrified she will  tell Miriam who I am, that would made my workdays hell. Also about Jack. He has tried to hit me up atleast 6 times, I´ve turned him down all on those times. He is not my type of guy and this sounds really rude, but in my eyes hes ugly. Great friend and company, but ugly. 

On september 2021 I give up. I delete Jonathan from facebook friends and stop texting him. Im done. I´ve tried to be in contact, God I´ve tried. I haven´t been in much contact with Jack or Hannah either, Jack just broke up with her girlfriend and Im sure he´ll try to ask me on a date once again. About Hannah, we still send whatsapp messages and so on. 

So yeah. I got friends for 4 years and I lost them. Well, “lost”, Im still in contact with Hannah but still. But in here I still have no-one. “Why dont I move away” because I love my job and this town. I frigging love it. But about this loneliness part, I dont know what to do. im out of energy, im empty. I have no strenght to find new friends and I have very little energy to keep on touch with Jack and Hannah. 

[piefanart]

Hi Pie! I’m writing a story, and I really want to have one of my characters be autistic, with a special interest in Bugs and Dancing. I was wondering if you had any tips for how to do that well without misrepresenting, and also if you have any tips for writing about special interests. Sorry if this is bothering you! I just really want to make sure I do this right

Hey there anon!!!

thats amazing that youre putting an autistic person into your writing!!

im not the best at writing stuff like this out, but ill try!!

dont make autism the only important bit about the person. autistic people are people, so dont treat the character like an alien or anything. its good to mention that they are autistic, but it doesnt need a neon sign. it should fit smoothley into everything else, like if a character had brown hair. dont make jokes about their autism, it always comes across wrong.

not all autistic people are alike! i love that you know your characters special interests, because the sterotype is trains. my special interests are video games, whale sharks, and anime! everyone is different, and some autistics dont even have a special interest. additionally, special interests dont always last your whole life. for example, when i was a toddler my special interests were dinosaurs and the wizard of oz. the latter lasted until i was 11 or 12, and ended around the time i discovered minecraft and star wars, which replaced it.

special interests in general are things that an austistic person “latches onto”, that is, sometimes thats all the can think about. when i was little everything had to be dinosaurs. we were really poor, so it didnt always work out, but i remember having a pair of dinosaur pajamas that i wore as often as i could get away with. now days i always have something related to my special interest with me, be it a wheatley charm on my necklace (that also has a key my honorary twin sister engraved with the words “221B” and “Nethel”, to represent my nickname of Sherlock and Nethel being the tolkien elvish word for sisters; and my necklace also has a spinner ring my boyfriend gave  me thats too big for my fingers), a zelda hat, or even just a t shirt with a character or symbol from something i like on it.

i also have a tendency to only want to talk about my special interests, and i have a huge problem when it comes to talking about anything else. and making small talk; thats just plain torture. i tend to make analogies that relate back to one of my special interests, or i will only talk to people who share an interest with me. im not very good at making and keeping friends irl, but on tumblr i have a ton of awesome friends!

many autistic people will sometimes (or often) infodump about their special interest, going into great detail about it. i know that when im semiverbal that one of the things i can do to actually talk is find someone to talk about something i like with. i will talk very fast, and stumble over words with lots of messed up grammer because i get super excited and my brain works much faster then my mouth can.

a lot of autistic people will do tons of research into their special interests and suck up any information about them that they can, but this doesnt pertain to everyone or every aspect of the special interest.

for example, back when my main one was star wars, i would sit down and spend hours reading the wookipedia or reading various star wars books. (i own over 200 star wars novels). my star wars interest ended when the force awakens was released, because my dreams of seeing mara jade skywalker, jacen jaina and anakin solo, and grand admiral thrawn on the big screen were crushed and i couldnt find a way to cope other then deleting star wars from my life. dont get me wrong, i still love it, but im very bitter.

but on the other hand, with whale sharks, i hardly know anything about them. you could ask me anything about legend of zelda lore and i could probably tell you, but i have no idea about anything about whale sharks. i just really enjoy watching them, they way they swim is extremely interesting to me and i tend to fixate on videos of them. your character might be this way about bugs, if you chose. or they could be that way about dancing! where they cant dance, but they like to watch people dancing.

additionally, dancing can easily be a stim! stimming is short for stimulating (or something like that, i forget) and is how autistic people regulate themselves with the world around them. everyone stims differently, and almost anything can be a stim!

i like to stim by chewing on things, but not material, becuase the texture of wet material is painful to me. but for other people its the exact opposite! i also flap my hands when i get super happy, and wave them around when im talking. when im upset or watching a movie i will rock a little bit back and forth.

not all stims are pretty and aestetic, though. a lot of stims can hurt the person, or just arent accepted by society yet. many people stim by banging their heads on walls or their hands. i stim when im nervous by picking on wounds, which has led to far too many round scars from moskito bites. sometimes i flap so hard i hit my hand on something, which hurts like heck. or i accidentally hit someone in the face, which gets awkward fast.

some more tips; use autism first language! person first (person with autism, etc) is extremely abelist and rude. aspergers is a term that is being slowly ruled out; some people still use it to refer to themselves but reffering to someone else with it is not very accepted. dont use functioning terms (high functioning, low functioning, etc), they mean nothing and are extrememly ablelist. 

if you feel up to it, you should also ask some other autistic people for their input! i know @autism-asks has covered some of this before, i think they tag it #writing. theres also @strangerdarkerbetter, who is an amazing person who runs a great blog and might be able/willing to help you out as well.

feel free to go through the #actuallyautistic tag on tumblr to get inspiration as well, just make sure that your character doesnt fit into the perfect sterotypical jello mold of what an austic person “should” be.

sorry about the long reply, ive had too much caffinee ^^”

and sorry about any spelling errros!! im still not used to my new keyboard, and i type by memory rather then looking so sometimes i hit the wrong key (or type the letters out of order lol)

thanks for asking!! good luck with your story!!!! (you should totally send it to me when its finished-)