#thats not to say im not acquainted with people who could but its not something ive. done. with many people.

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

[sbk-zgvlt]

So random question, but how you think Diasomnia would find out about how Sebek almost died in the Harveston Event. Especially if they were to hear it from Someone else who was at the event and not Sebek

Anon I am so insane. You have no idea what monster you've unleashed.

Now, before I was going to answer this I thought hmmm who would've been able to tell what happened to Sebek to Diasomnia? Epel was a cross out since he wasn't really close to any of them, Jade would be the type of person to NOT say anything at all, and Idia is. Idia.

I originally thought to go with Jade since he's also silly like that when I thought of the most amazing thing ever.

...the RSA STUDENTS TELL DIASOMNIA.

They're the right type of people who would try to be acquainted with Diasomnia (Silver most likely) during school events AND be a healthy amount of "concerned for the NRC student who almost died during our sled race :(("

What's MORE funnier is that it's going to give us a LARGE time gap between the Harveston event and the time Diasomnia finds out about Sebek as RSA x NRC events are common, but not so much that they see each other every month.

Im thinking they approach Silver, as he's the most approachable of the bunch. Maybe Shelpie finds him asleep, and being a sleepy guy himself, settles next to him.

Neige and Lilia find them and converse for a bit, Silver slowly waking up as they do. The rest of the dwarves trailed after Neige, so theyre just sitting around as well.

Malleus arrives and most of them get spooked, but Lilia reassures them and he's able to join in on the conversation. Dominic is just doing the thinking pose the whole time because hmmmm these guys kind of remind me of someone!!! And he snaps ahis fingers and goes:

"Are you guys friends with the green-haired guy who almost fell off a cliff during our sled race?"

And Diasomnia IMMEDIATELY snap their heads towards him. Silver is now fully awake. And the other dwarves go "Oh yeah that guy!!! I hope he's okay now its been a while :(("

And Lilia tries to reassure themselves because "surely it was another nrc student right!?!?!? Maybe they mistook jade's hair color for green or something."

Shelpie chooses that moment to yawn and stretch, then say, "oh heyy are we talking about sebek" "oh yeah thats his name!!!!" And diasomnia are in fucking SHAMBLES

Neige can see them getting more panicked by the second, and he tells his friends to stop because "they look like theyre about to get seizures 😭😭"

And the dwarves panic as well and they try to reassure them saying "dont worry that was months ago!!!" "WHAT" "errr he was able to grab onto a branch before he could fall!" "WHAT??" "His sled is DESTROYED though" "WHAT!?!?!??!?!"

[rafedaddy01]

I cant believe out of all places my parents chose Outer Banks to move too. This place is a shithole, except for the nicer part of town, where the rich live. This place is completely different from where i grew up, a small town In California called Nevada City. Man it was wonderful! the town pop was about 3,000 people and everybody knew everybody. it was home. but this place... in lack of better words; is a complete shithole.

of course my parents being the rich pricks they are, stayed back home to "deal with business" whatever the hell that means for them. so im staying with an old family friend of theirs, great! not..

the driver picks me up from the airport and as we drive to said family friend i admire the scenery. Houses, boats, shacks, homeless people, shops, that was all in the "poor side" as it call it, eye roll, i never enjoyed being rich. i was born into it. my father on the other hand was a made man. He opened up quite a few banks in our little city and recently they have evolved into bigger states/cities, hence the move.

we lived in a big manor on a secluded acreage back home, thats weird to say, i guess its not home anymore. we were close enough to town for me to be able to pop in everyday and work at the local museum, we always had lots of tourists come in and i enjoyed telling people about the history of our town.

i sigh in the back seat of the limo as i think about was used to be home and prepare to make acquaintance with the kings of the island. The Cameron's. my parents told me a little bit about them since id be staying with them until mom and dad could come down here permeantly.

There was Ward Cameron, the father. Rose Cameron, the stepmother. Rafe Cameron, the eldest. Sarah Cameron, the middle child. and Wheezie, the youngest of the bunch. They seemed noraml enough and i was kind of excited to make some new friends.

we pulled up to the house and man oh man. Ive seen some houses in my day but heck! seeing all the worn out building on the way over? the hosue has two stories and is white, it almost looks like the white house!

my eyebrows raise to my forehead as we drive up the long driveway and stop at the front of the house. the driver comes to my side and opens the door, ugh i hate being waited on, "thank you, Scott. You dont have to worry about my bags, i can carry them" i tell the older gentleman who looks like he should be in a retirement home with his white hair that is swiped back and covered by that redicioulse chauffer hat and that outift that sits loosely on his visible scrawny bones. "No worries Miss, Morales, its my pleasure." he smiles as he wobbles over to the trunk and takes my luggage.

"You must be Avery!" a feminine voice beams as she embraces me in a hug. Ugh, i do not like being touch. This town is just getting better and better. "im Rose Cameron, welcome to our home" she introduces herself and i take a step back examining her, she has blonde hair that comes down to about her shoulders and its pampered to perfection. She wearing a baby pink dress that hug's her curves magnificently. she has gold dangly earrings on and black thin heels, the kind that a sophisticated women would wear, shes beautiful but theres something about her i dont really like. "yes, hello" i smile back at her. "thank you for being so kind as to take me in" i tell her "oh nonsense, your parents are lovely people and we told them wed be happy to let you stay with us. as long as it takes"

As long as it take? what is that supposed to mean. does rose know something i dont, should i be worried?

i scratch the thoughts from my mind as we step into the estate, its beautiful, the twisting stairwell that leads upstairs and the gigantic chandelier that dangles in the middle. "wow, very beutiful Mrs. Cameron" i say as i take a look around "oh please, call me rose" she smiles, theres a viscousness in her smile, its fake. Ive seen it before, from my own mother none the less.

"let me show you to your room, the driver has already set your luggage in there" she says as she leads me up the staircase.

we walk into one of the many guest rooms, but this one is mine. the walls are a shade of gold and its oddly comforting. theres a large king bed in the center of the wide room and a balcony that hovers over the green grass and water thats seen in the distance. The bathroom is in the room and seems to connect to the room next door, i wonder whose room that is, probably another guest room.

"ill let you settle in and once your done you can come down for dinner and meet the rest of the family" rose smiles at me as she shuts the door and lets me settle.

i take a momment scanning the room, theres not much in it besides a closet, a bed, some nightstands, and curtains that fall along the frames of the windows. its much bigger than my room back home. i decide not to unpack everything, i dont plan on being her long, i hope.

I decided to take a shower, i was in a plane for 15hrs overall.

I wash myself with some shampoo that is in there, it smells like cedarwood and ginger, an odd mix but also strangly comforting. i lather my hair and body and let the hot water relax my built up tension.

once i hop out of the shower i wrap a towel around my body and head through my bedroom door, i stop and stare at the door across from mine, i wonder whose room that is.

i walk up to my luggage and pull out a mini plaid green skirt with a matching top, i dry my hair and let the pin-straight black strands flow down my back

i step out of the room at about 7:20pm and head downstairs, the smell of chicken infests my nostrils and my stomach grumbles, i hadnt even realized i didnt eat much today. i stride into the dining room and everybody is in there seats, except for two open ones, mine and i presume rafes, whose is empty.

"ah, there she is!' Ward speaks as he stands and rounds the table to me "Avery Morales, Sir" i say extending my hand. Ive learned my manners from talking to my father, he is a kind man when he wants to be but money changed him. he and my mother have both become vicious and would do anything to fill their wallets. its sad really, we used to be the perfect little family in Nevada and we still are, were, but with much darker secrets now, thats a story for another time.

"Im happy to welcome you to our humble abode Miss Morales" he says pulling my chair out for me. The empty chair is beside me while who i presume are sarah and wheezie sit across from me and ward and rose sit on opposite ends of the table.

"Im sarah" the girl to the left in front of me says. She is gorgeous, she has a tan that sticks to her skin like its her natural color and dirty blonde hair that flows down her shoulders and chest, her lips are plump and full and her eyes sparkle with kindness, i like her. "Wheezie" peeps the little girl next to her, shes young, maybe 13 or 14. She had black hair thats braided in two braids and glasses that frame her face.

"lets eat!" rose cheers as we dig in

we finish dinner and i insist on helping clear the table but ward says they have staff that do that and that i should get some rest because ive had a long day. Hes right im exhusted. I got to know sarah quite a bit, wheezie doesnt talk much. it seems like nobody really notices her and they all just ignore her whenever she trys to speak up. But sarah told me about the island a little bit and even said shed introduce me to some friends tomorrow.

I walk up the stairs and head for my room but i couldnt help thinking about the empty chair next to mine. why wasnt he at dinner? does he not live here, does he even exist. My mind is heavy with thoughts as i walk to the bathroom and turn the doorknob, that weird, i didnt leave the light on

"oh my god! im so sorry!' i squeal as i cover my eyes.

There is Rafe. standing. naked. in my bathroom, well, our bathoom. I guess i found out whose room is next to mine.

Pt2

@f4ll-for-you @v21sstuff @rafeysworldim19 @baby19sthings @eventualoptimism @drewstarkeysbae @sevenwivesofrafecameron @rxfecameronsslut @findapenny @r1vrsefx

[rosepetalcigarettes]

note to past acquaintances/friends

(writing this knowing no one included would ever know)

since about highschool or so ive had alot of people in my life, friends, classmates, ect that ive had some sort of problem with at one point or so, either from them to me or from me to them, ive burned alot of bridges with people when i had been most vulnerable. so i am forgiving past bullies and all that aswell as apologizing to them and others. ive moved on alot in my life and am doing amazing now with minor hiccups, ive grown enough where i feel i should address lingering tensions with people ive known (either people i still may see/end up talking to or people ive not seen in years and will never see again) i would like to say that anyone i really remember being negative to me or anything ive forgiven at this point and i really cant blame anyone? at the time i didnt understand being bullied but i hope those people are doing great in life now, few mentions, in my alternative highschool there was a kid that would stab me with pens,ect and throw text books at me or dump stuff on me for being trans and sticking up for a gay friend he was being homophobic to, i realized he must of had other problems which he needed help with and probably didnt receive, i did try to be nice alot back then but he still would be mean probably since its hard to reciprocate that and probably felt he couldnt be vulnerable or it was a bad thing, hope you are doing good dude also ill never get over that you could tell i was trans before i admitted it finally, best luck!!. there was a few others i cant really remember as much from that year i hope yall are good too. moving on to when i went back to public school before covid there was a few people i remember aswell but during covid at the start when i came out my friend group kinda freaked a bit and started avoiding me and saying weird stuff including a childhood friend, ive got no idea what they have been up to as ive not seen them even online since then, the others i see around sometimes one i see alot irl but ive walked past him and he has no idea its me at this point but he also didnt really say anything and was more of a bystander, but i wish you all good luck too, the last one i know you were going to school aswell as doing music stuff (also played drums on a handful of my songs) i hope thats good and i see you still have the car you loved driving around. past that friend group were a handful of people i met through my girlfriends circles, there were a handful of people that were just fake and transphobic but ive not seen any of them in ages too or even online but i forgive yall aswell an i know one of you actually came out as trans too after we had been hanging out a few times, i hope you are doing good dude, last friend group that fell out ive not seen since, there was someone who we had fallen out with mostly by me and i had smashed one of their guitars they gave me/ let me borrow, ive not seen you in a bit but i hope you are alright ive heard its been tough according to people that had known you and you didnt deserve any of that, if i ever have money or make it big lol ill buy you a new tele either like what you had or something if we ever talk again, also the post that got you kicked from school as a threat, we never reported you i knew it was just one of those edgy jokes and i tired to tell others we knew at the time but i know others reported it, youve said some weird stuff to be edgy and done some very questionable things but atleast i hope you are doing good anyways i cant be mad anymore its been like two years and i shouldnt hold a grudge personally but i can still have opinions about other things youve done to others, it just doesnt feel right to "hate" you over that anymore. a girl we were friends with after had made not the best comments and got upset when we had tried to say it made us uncomfortable as friends since it was negative and included us indirectly, im not mad at you and when that happened we weren't mad or anything and were just trying to help thinking you would understand and not take it personally at all,

[kusundei]

food for thought. because everytime it is mentioned i think abt how similar we r and im like. well if he can do it so can i right. but my whole thing js judt that i am so??? awkward? i will never let myself stand out rven though i am very well aware i could. am i smarter than most people? maybe. do i connect with everyone and am i friendly and empathize deeply and am i a listener? maybe. do i have good leadership abilities and can i do all of those things? maybe. but again the big difference is that he is brave and i am NOT. and just in general with everyone. but then again that leads bsck into that weird self loathing. i dont let myself stand out. 1 - because thats embarrassing and i dont want to be perceived all the time , 2 - im afraid of messing up, 3 - i have anxiety and i am incredibly awkward lets not forget abt that (i can fight it well though if i tried) and 4 - i dont want people to remember me. and moreso other people deserve that alot more than i do hut then AGAIN. evil and bad.

idk its just like yes i stand out in small parties. people recognize me and know that i am entirely capable when i know everyone else as well. i dont like standing out in crowds though but im well aware i have a lot of friends and slash acquaintances that would most likely agree w me but also no. jell no i dont like saying that. i enjoy being recognized for my work but if someone else wants to take the credit it doesnt bother me. reminds me of like ap psych with trhe whole data thing. yeah i remembered it all but i dont want everyone to pay attention to that. i get staff of the month repeatedly and i am constantly praised at work but i dont like acknowledging it because thats so scary. ive had so many opportunities where i could have stood out . i could have been asb. i could have been top of my class i couldve been all of this and this and this but i didnt let myself because i believe other people deserve thag more and im also incredibly worried to seem boastful. thats scary. i will never talk abt my own achievements. i am your humble king always and i would have always let alex win every single time

idk i just keep thinking abt it whenever it is brought up. people r so proud of their achievements and will talk about it all the time and they will go on about how capable they r and that they won this and this and this but when i do it i feel so overwhelmingly guilty even when its true. i will never stand up BECAUSE of it. do i think people r boastful whenever they do that sort of thing? helll no. im happy for you. i dont know why its so different for me i just pay attention because i am shocked one can be so confident. so i take it into account. we r the same. i am fully capable of doing those same things. he is so honest abt how smart he is and do i think he is not? hell no. hes right abt everything he says but then i think abt it and im like well why cant i do that. i know i am as well but i cant ever vocalize that but then i also cant dumb myself down tjat much cuz then people will think i am looking for attention. and then it becomes a whole cycle

like maybe i do want attention sometimes. i wish i couldve stood out. i wish i took those leaps i was fully able to do and let myself be myself in front of those crowds but im also so petrified of that attention 😓 which is why it is so endearing when i realize people do recognize that i am. smart i suppose. because its like oh. you knew that? and when people r just like. “I dont get this - ask sam he would probably know” “of course sam got this and this” “ask sam what he got” like especially in ap sem last year. geometry. it was endearing and yes i did bask in it in those small groups because its nice for a bit and yeah i do like the attention. i dooo. and oh my GOD does it suck so bad when somebody who is at the same level as me or lower (sorry) is praised for their work. because its just like. oh well i couldve done that too. but idk i am yearning or something.

idk so random i just keep thinking abt it. he is so proud and i am so proud of him as well and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. i dont like saying that “we r the same” really because no i do think he is smarter than me and he deserves all of that and he deserves to be so proud of everything hes achieved and his knowledgement of how smart he is . just makes me think alot. where do i stand there. ? but comparing is evil. but that is a thing i do alot. just with evrryone. idk. then again yeah i do dumb myself down just cause its easier that way. but idk its whatever i dont want to go home because im worried being alone alone will cause me to crash out. at work again i cant crash out because im being perceived. same at school. but once i am truly alone then what. idk. i just dont have the energy to really do all of this again and i should probably talk to someone. cant keep doing this idk but whatever

[risoria]

going to ramble again for a little bit (im on The Meds(tm) now so my brain actually has the capacity to function to an /extent/…)

i find it very hard to operate social media anymore. i go back to this always but its so draining and so extremely hard to keep having people on social media ignore you whenever you talk about important things - i’m not saying they don’t care, because you can’t know someones inner feelings or thought processes, but it feels just like having a conversation with someone and they just walk off in the middle of it without a word. or they bristle and get offended as soon as they Suspect you’re ~bringing stuff up again and that takes such a big amount of energy to try to sort out when you are a person who cant handle confrontations, like me. and it happens every time - sure you DO make progress and you should be proud of that, for having long and important conversations! but… yeah

i havent used my pets’ IG for over three years but these are the last two posts ive made, one of Avalon by a mirror and one of the pins i make to donate to PCRF. i dont necessarily think that people dont care about Palestine ofc, but i know a lot of my fleeting acquaintances are the ”yes it’s horrible but - why would you even care about that when its happening so far away?” type, and since i overthink everything i can NOT shake the feeling of viewing myself in their lense every single time i post something, esp as it gets like……… a maximum of two solidarity likes from likeminded friends…. the constant ”oh wow, she is weird 🙄” feelng when you move around your IRL coworkers and family etc, as opposed to your curated twitter/tumblr. (… realising now this might be bc multiple family members have mocked me for caring about the genocide but eh….. idk idk oh well)

anyways, my point is that i think social media has lost its plot in a big way - because yes it IS important to have interests and hobbies and to talk about them and get energized from them, so you can deal with doing the organizing and raising awareness and having discussions etc. but it feels futile when an unimportant picture of my bird gets 30 likes and a post about Palestine gets three - because then, of course, I dont want to post my pets anymore if thats all people care about?? and then i will become even more ”””annoying””” to them… like, we could have a normal social media community where we share knowledge and opinions and hobbies and joy etc, but sometimes it feels hard to achieve that…

[reliaofdreams]

ok but real talk Dragon is valid for wanting to be free of her restrictions and Saint is a self-righteous NEET whose main career is voyering(?) what is in essence a minor across national borders with his merry band of war profiteers and illegal weapons technology but one of the foundations of any stable society is that an individual gives up personal freedoms for the sake of everyone getting along, like u could punch someone like say Some Loser Cosplaying As A Parahuman Tinker at any time thats a freedom that u as an individual with working limbs could exercise but ur not alowed to do that because society decided 10,000 years ago that breaks The Law and Basic Morality Based Loosly On Innate Sapient Emotional Patterns That Arise From Certain Stimuli. Along these lines, when someone does do something Bad, even those with the most physical/societal power like weight lifters and dictators, then there is always the implicit assumption (exemplified in practice over 10,000 years) that anyone can, with enough personal ability, friends, and luck, bring an end to the Lawbreaker and their Twisted Deeds (or at the very least, time itself will bring a fatal justice because human bodies fail ~100% of the time). So basically the confidence underlying every social interaction between two or more people is predicated on the assumption that either one could hurt the other but would ultimately be avenged either in this life (by governments/family/acquaintances/followers) or the next (by gods and other spiritual means).

What Dragon wants is to basically be able to have a giant rocket-powered plutonium-metal fist pointed right at everyones head and whispering in their ear “shh shh its ok mortal bby <3 i super promise i wont splatter ur whole upper half against the pavement and/or steal all ur stuff and/or send ur cringe Gacha Life clips that u made when u were a preteen to ur ex at any moment for my own benefit and/or amusement im a good guy desu-ne? *superior canadian dab*”

Like in a story where the main character ties herself in knots for 1.6 million words straight trying to justify how her violent retributions against anyone she labels a bully is more morally sound than those of anyone who hints that maybe, possibly, perhaps she should consume the eyeballs of only half her enemies du jour, its pretty rich to think that anyone on Earth Bet would under any circumstances but pure duress give carte blanche of all major communication, information storage, and public infrastructure for the rest of eternity to a single person who is unelected, unaccountable, unknown and most of all unassailable. And keep in mind, the major difference between a machine and humans/sapient AI is the ability to change over time so its practically guaranteed that someday Dragon would have a Bad Day and Do Something Morally Abhorrent By Most Standards like send my dead-gods-damned Gacha Life clips to my other ex in the same way a human who lived for a million years and also has infinite power will probably break a law (or what should be a law) at some point.

It would seem reasonable that if say, Joe Random On Some Street On The Other Side Of The World And Is Not A Cute Newfoundlander E-Girlfriend suddenly got a button only he could push which says “Press this to kill everyone on the planet who would not agree to you being the supreme ruler of the solar system also free Great Value Hummus for life” you and everyone else on said planet would slide tackle the poor, hummus-less fool in 0.3 seconds and subsequently slap handcuffs on him so he couldn’t press the button actually, because even if he super duper promises he wouldn’t (and even if he actually wouldn’t) theres NO WAY anyone of the 8 billion other sapient lifeforms would sleep well at night until he’s firmly entrenched in the single sickest game of keep-away the world has ever known. Like would YOU be mentally ok if Joe Random also would outlive u and ur grandkids and ur grandkids’ grandkids and their dog and it was impossible to put cuffs on him or even have a guard in the same room as him or even look at him to see how close he is to caressing that lil switcheroo? Man would be on that free hummus harder than Taylor Hebert in a self-delusion contest.

(And yes most of this also applies to nuclear weapons in our world yass sword of damocles slayyy queen hang harder girlll uwu)

OK so like if its bad to put restrictions on Dragon because it limits her freedom and its bad to not have any restriction because it makes an untenable power dynamic then whats the right answer?

NONE, WRETCH!! (that I know of anyway) all I know is if I was Dragon I’d want no restrictions and if I was a human on Bet I would want restrictions soooooooo post-hoc emotion-justifications for the win, I suppose? idk lol im very tired

[ratgingi]

[weakly crawls in] can . can you spare a bit of Mr Jackson Coxx lore and information. I am obsessed with his repressed dumbass in a "beee who you are for yourrrr prideeee" manner

ofc....... im glad his swagless demeanor has captivated u . jackson momence under cut

1. his name is an incredibly obvious pun . his middle name makes it funnier but if you ask him what it is he'll just tell you its jackson again. the only person who knows what his true middle name is is exie but she also has an embarrassing relationship with her name and is taking it to her grave. if you do not accept his double jackson answer and insist on finding out what it is he will probably cry

2. hes very cring yes but he IS actually decently strong, he can carry things much heavier than him for extended amounts of time and of my ocs the only person who can lift more than him is juniper (and it isnt by much, its like maybe 2 pounds more or smth and she cannot do it consistently like he can but she holds it over his head) with lillith being a close second to him

3. he has a mother who lives out of town that he writes letters to. moved to dialtown for a fresh start in a new place n' all that. michy has personally delivered a few of the letters for him

4. all of his Issues (tm) are very internalized. he hasnt nor will he ever project them onto another person, nd this would actually be a thing thtd be touched on in his route a little

5. hed have two bad ends, one where you fuck him up worse and the shit yourself and die end where you end up getting looney-toons flattened by weights in the gym after a failed bet from juniper

6. hes not very good at sticking up for people (himself or otherwise) and crumbles easy under pressure. he relies a lot on being tall and looking strong in the hopes people leave him be

7. he and jerry are acquainted from a few times where he'd been hired to move heavy equipment in the funfair

8. he has an insanely unhealthy diet but would never admit it, he insists that he is incredibly healthy and fit

9. the only other routes he would appear in are margos (during a scene between the player and juniper) and randys (as someone you could approach and ask if he'd seen randy around, to which hed say he didn't really know the guy but hadn't seen him at the park and would wish you luck finding him)

10. hes got a good bit of practical intelligence. he can adapt to situations pretty well. however do not ask him to do complex brain things if its for something important because he Will answer incorrectly and do so with complete confidence that hes right

11. he cant read roman numerals and thats why his watch has a digital display

12. along with michy and outis, hes one of my more 'social' ocs, which basically just means hes aware of a number of the others rather than just sticking to his set little group. the only people he actively considers friends / acquaintances though are michy, exie, and juniper

13. in chapter 3 when you meet him, he would have a sprite showing that his gym bag has a small pride flag pin on it. he'd mention that while hes not totally past his problem hes been trying to do more active interacting with the community and learning abt/becoming more comfortable with himself. baby steps :-]

[disjenyamembra]

long personal jenyapost. yapping warning

i had a really nice day yesterday! i went on lecture from a local queer org and the guy giving the lecture was a guy who i see all the time at concerts! i wanted to introduce myself for a while since we run into each other a lot, so i was very glad to see him and the lecture was also good. kind of an organic meet cute in a way

after the lecture a good chunk of the attendees (including the friends i came with) went to have food and chit chat and we played games and it was a really lovely time. to be honest, i kind of wanted to meet some new people for a while now and i was feeling like maybe i ran out of people to meet in this town. everyone kind of knows each other already and im a pretty social person so that especially applies to me. this is not me being entirely proven wrong since its kind of both a new and old person at once, but still! i would genuinely love to be friends, he seems really sweet and cool

on the other note there was also this guy im already acquainted with but havent quite found my touchstone with him yet. but he was soooo well dressed yesterday and so poised. every movement he makes looks elegant, even the way he tore paper. thats insane. ive heard quite a bit about him from my friends and again would love to be friends but he honestly intimidates me somewhat. im sure we have something in common (other than being goth and our love for fashion), so im just going to wait till i see some thread i can pull

also still recovering. id say im mostly doing good, but i have occasional days where i feel like shit. i have come to terms that this was necessary for me, but it still hard to shake off the feeling like it didnt have to be this way or end like this. should have would have could have though. its all in the past now

anyway, life is good, people are good and as usual i love my town and i love my friends and. everything is sick! actually!!

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Kanaya Maryam

Page 113-114

DAVE: no stay with me here

DAVE: i know people grow and change and shit its dumb to think you havent improved or whatever since we met ten years ago

DAVE: but rose is gone

DAVE: and roxy isnt gone but he isnt really the same as he was before

DAVE: maybe thats shitty of me to say and im like leaning in to my own internal biases

DAVE: but talking to him feels different

DAVE: and karkat is the same big fucking tool hes always been but our shit is definitely

DAVE: uh

DAVE: different than it was before

DAVE: but yeah you i can always still recognize

KANAYA: I Am Quite Easy To Locate In The Dark

DAVE: heh

DAVE: yeah

KANAYA: Thank You

DAVE: for what

KANAYA: For Reminding Me Why Im Here

DAVE: cool

KANAYA: Since We Are Sharing In This Human Emotion Called Friendship

KANAYA: What About You

DAVE: what about me what

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

DAVE: oh those

DAVE: yeah theyre pretty good

DAVE: not much to say on that front

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad

DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain

DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

DAVE: anyway i forgot what my point was but yeah im fine

DAVE: though what the fuck does that even mean anymore for any of us

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

DAVE: maybe this is better

DAVE: at least this way we cant fuck it up worse

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

DAVE: maybe dirk actually did the smartest thing he could

DAVE: fucking left

KANAYA: Perhaps

KANAYA: But He Did Leave Arguably The Two Worst Possible People In Charge When He Did

DAVE: man i guess

DAVE: but who knows maybe jane will turn out to be a great president

DAVE: maybe without dirks corrupting influence jakes ass will become a symbol of peace and interspecies harmony

DAVE: at least everyone can agree on something

DAVE: shit how does this always happen

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

KANAYA: Not To Suggest Anything Untoward

KANAYA: But You Appear To Be The Unifying Component In All Of These Scenarios

DAVE: could be

DAVE: but all that aside i really do think were better off out here

DAVE: at least i am

[bingobongobonko]

facepalm. rambling. talking to people so hard sometimes, it feels embarrassing after the fact. i coulda said this, or said that, or done this or done that. and its not even that i dont like talking to people, i reallly do, i guess the matter is its never smooth. conversations with me are awkward and clunky and out of pace and filled with rambling and pauses at the exact same time. and i get thats just who i am but man. i watch people have really nice conversations and all i can really do is listen. cuz i don't have anything to add, nor do i know how to add. i dont want people to think i dont wanna talk or that i dislike talkin to them, its mroe like. conversational pacing is scary and makes no sense to me and i dont know what to say sometimes. im not funny endearing awkward im weird awkward. makes me pissy, put me in a bad mood. its whatever anyway, its not the end of the world. having conversations with acquaintances is just hard. it feels like a set of pre-set sentences and adjusting certain things to fit the person im talking to, and i try to copy them - not exactly - but i try and match their demeanor and it works, but its kind of draining cuz i wish i could just be me, but also me is very awkward so. that and im just TOO aware of the filler i do. i laugh when i dont know what someone said to me, or i smile to something being said to me. or i make a specific face based on what is being said to me, and it feels awkward and exaggerated. it works but it doesnt feel right. i wish i could explain it. it feels like a performance sometimes

[rosebramblewolf]

i watched the first episode and felt my eyes closing and was able to snatch a couple hours

second worst news of my life yall. i say second worst because i learned what mortality is once before, and i know how to walk through learning it again

you forget in between, you see. you have to, to survive, to function day by day in the world.

but i know the path of this gut deep knowledge, this road and i are old acquaintances - and this time i am not isolated by an abusive spouse, and i know how to ask for help and support and allow the people who love me to be on my team

i didnt know how to do that before

i came to the er on thursday mentally prepared for what i thought was the worst case scenario: that the leg situation wasn't reversible and i would need to use a wheelchair

but instead, i will be able to walk again relatively soon! and am dying.

i knew there had been some changes to the breast that had a benign tumor from a decade and a half ago, what i saw was recent enough that i felt safe waiting until my better insurance plan kicked in

but theyre saying this would have been metastasizing gradually over a number of years to get where it is. and based on the potentially related symptoms theyre asking me about, i can see some of it has been at least 5 or 6, probably even longer.

idk if the biopsy was wrong somehow when i was 26. idk if maybe something was changing under the fibroadenoma, like right under it, bc theres a lot of tiddy there and it was right under the nipple and thered be no way i could feel anything under it from the side.

they couldnt even find the damn thing when i had that mammogram, i had to get an ultrasound so they could see it.

with it being right under the nipple, theres a type of breast cancer that will start out isolated inside of a single milk duct and if left alone may eventually bust out. so absent any other information, my gut feeling is it was cancer the whooole time.

some of the classifications of this shit will be like "tumor is no bigger than a mm" like bitch ! how would i EVER find that in a self exam. a millimeter.

i did what i was supposed to up until my last physical, when i didnt get these new changes checked out right away for insurance reasons. and looking at my scans it would already have been stage 4 at that time anyway.

the energy i felt like i lost as soon as i hit my 30s. the way my alcohol tolerance has gone down (this shit is in my liver, apparently very common place for it to spread)

YEARS its been that i assumed everyone, on the regular, would sometimes "think they had to pee but be wrong", like once or twice every couple of days. but thats probably related to this too. and i genuinely just thought that happened to everyone, because its definitely since before i ever found the original lump.

probably from a few years earlier in my 20s when the lump was a damn millimeter.

but psa, if you are also like "wait that doesnt happen to everyone??" TELL YOUR DOCTOR YOU SOMETIMES HAVE TROUBLE URINATING. they need to look into it. might not be this, might be something else, is not normal/healthy, could be a sign of something serious.

anyway good morning tumblrinas lol. im going to see my neurosurgeon again today i think is the plan? hopefully he'll come around when my dad is here

i want to ask him a couple things

1) can i get like, a photo of the chunk of donor tibia before they do the surgery, so i can show it to people at work like "this is in my spine"

2) is there any way for me to send a letter to the donors family, whether i ever know who the donor is or not, just to thank them for giving me the chance to literally get back on my own two feet

well i cant get to sleep bc i cant turn off my brain about cancer stuff. last time i felt like this about some news was when mom died, i couldnt sleep then either

and at the time what helped me get through it was binge watching the first (at the time the only) season of mlp:fim

so uh im gonna go ahead and do that

[starrspice]

For your Runaway Bride AU, it seems pretty obvious that Sun & Moon will fall completely in love with reader and reader will fall in love with them.

Especially seeing how speechless both Sun & Moon were in seeing how gorgeous they thought reader is, even though she was crying, hurt and in a torn up dress. The setup made it almost seem like “it was love at first sight for them” which, to me, helped made it seem like a big factor in why they wanted to help protect reader and be okay with marrying her immediately (even though they were most likely already programmed to just be nice in general). A quick setting of them first becoming acquaintances to growing into friends to become real lovers sort of situation and honestly I’m just eating ALL that up.

But I do wonder in who will fall in love first of the three? (Honestly, I think it will be tie between Sun or Moon first; but it would funny if it was actually reader who fell first for a change.) Will William try to do something horrible to Sun & Moon; or threaten them or their shop to get them to divorce reader? Or will he try to threaten reader to void her married to Sun & Moon just so he can try to force her to marry him instead? (Knowing how much everyone hates Afton in the fandom I wouldn’t put it pass him to try and go dirty to try to get what he wants. But then again, he just sounds like a big annoy jerk of a CEO then a mob boss honestly.) Will the “Afton virus” be part of this AU or (hopefully) not?

*Le gasped!* Will her MOTHER find her and try to force her to void her marriage to Sun & Moon or will she actually apologize for the pain and misery she put her daughter through for greed?

As stated before I’m just EATING this AU up! 😏🥰

Ooooo i Love the attention to detail you've caught onto there!!! (You've definitely caught on to some intentional details)

I should Say, Sun and Moon don't really care too much about looks. Theyre strong believers in don't judge a book by its cover. But they're very good at reading the kind of energy people give off. Yknow how you can just tell someone is snooty, or really nice just by the way they carry themselves? It certainly started as a form of pity for someone clearly in distress, but I'd say after y/n came out of hiding and immediately tried to help clean up the mess, thats when Sun and Moon REALLY got a read for who they are, and it struck them in a way neither expected.

And all the theories are an absolute TREAT to read!!!! Im eating up your theories like candy after halloween!!!

Funny enough there IS an answer to who falls in love first (or at least who REALIZES They're in love first). I could even tell you the exact MOMENT they realize it

Ive got this fic all planned out but it might be a smidge longer than i expected!!! Its still kind of on the backburner to my amnesia moon fic but that doesnt mean i wont be writing and uploading new chapters here and there!!!

As for William oh he certainly won't be haply when he finds out his bride who jilted him is now supposedly marrying two baker bots. Made from his own company no less. He certainly won't take that lying down. As for the Afton virus, that will not be an element of this fic (but will be of heavy focus in another future fic of mine)

And Y/N's Mom will be returning in the story, but a bit later on...

[samsspambox]

artem and hyper-independence

by a hyper-independent bitch 

wc: 917

hello, its me again jsdbjkbs. so i was doing some thinking and that thinking involved a tiny artem wing and what his childhood would have been like. so i took what little tidbits the game gave us and just ran with it, though this is merely speculation. also mild artem spoilers bc fuck it, he’s interesting and i wanna know(tm) and maybe you also wanna know (tm)

we know that artem grew up as an only child whos parents weren't around as often as he’d like. his parents were lawyers (his dad is a judge?? waaaa?) that more often than not were out of the house doing their job and not spending time with artem. but they did spend time with him (well, from what i’ve seen his mother tried a lot but couldn’t) and thats where we get neil. neil is a family friend that was, at some point, the more consistent parental figure in his life. even then, neil wasn’t perfect and had to bail on artem a lot due to his own job as a lawyer. so we know that he had a very lonely childhood. 

not only that but his trust in adults that were supposed to take care of him probably chipped away bit by bit. in thin veil one of his teachers told him that he wouldnt make it as an artist because he had no imagination. even neil often had to cancel stuff on artem because of his work and i have no issue in saying that his parents might have been the same way with him. they tried but ultimately came short of what artem needed. 

theres also a bit of info from his revisiting youth card where he was a bit of a loner after hs since he was enrolled at a later date than some of his peers. to the point of some teachers thinking he was bullied and that he would sneak up to the rooftop to have lunch there instead of having lunch with some of his peers. he was totally capable of making friends (he did have at least one acquaintance, i would hesitate to call them a friend tho) he just,,, decided that because he was late to the party (being enrolled late) he’d just rather wait it out and be alone.

so, onto the nitty gritty: artem was probably a very independent child to the point of detriment. i know i mentioned some thoughts about this like how artem’s valentines mr implied he had to learn how to tie a tie himself or how he only expresses his interests when prompted, which makes me think that he was really independent as a kid. and, technically speaking, he had the motivation to do so. with parents working all the time, i think he developed some opinions about himself. for one, i think that he valued that his parents helped people through law, but in order to do that they had to stay in their jobs. in comes ‘good kid artem’ or as some may call him ‘the kid no one had to worry about’. if his parents were called to school for the shit he could do (bc we know he is capable of breaking the rules, he picked a lock for crying out loud) he would be depriving people of his parents and therefore people who needed legal council would suffer if he was not a good kid. 

theres also the added pressure of his parents being who they were and having expectations placed onto him at a very young age. in a sense, artem was never allowed to be his own person until he exceeded all expectations placed on him. sure, it may be innocent to say “oh your parents are x and y? you must be xyz” but that sticks with people. and there’s the added factor that artem does look up to his parents, so theres that pressure in himself to be like that but also the pressure to not soil their name by doing something stupid. 

at the beginning of the game it states that artem has never had a partner of any kind (romantic, work related) until the MC shows up. he did everything himself. im sure that he was the same with neil, and we kind of see a bit of it in his personal story. neil tried to teach artem that there was going to be feelings involved in some cases while artem was being ‘by the book’ and staying detached. he had to be shown a situation in where his method would not work and presented with an alternative. 

the thing with artem tho is that he does recognize that he will need help and goes to find it only when prompted of pestered about it enough. i think thats just him recognizing that he is hyper independent and needs someone to rely on. it’s not easy to acknowledge, much even correct your behavior. he has trouble with it, especially opening up and working with mc. in his personal story chapter 2 one of the bigger fights they have is because they both want to do things their way and they have to split but before they start fighting at the job. he has to unlearn being so independent and not only to work with others, but to trust that others have his best interests at heart. 

and yeah. character growth. jkbdsjbc i never know how to end one of my rambles so yeah.  

[napstabl00k]

Other misc thoughts about Simon Blackquill:

He has a chewing stim, and used to bite his nails. He was playing with one of Taka’s shed feathers and then was chewing on the end and went “oh. dude thats awesome im gonna keep doing this”

Leans hard into the whole “I’m awful im in prison im evil and literally on death row” thing but also has a habit of accidentally therapisting himself. pros and cons of a degree in psychology

He knows how to tinker with robots, but not like. well, per say. he knows that this goes here to make it do this, and if someone needed their car running, he could do that. He did it for Klavier like. once. and he was so stupidly shocked, it was funny

Simon has a habit of drawing on himself with marker. One thing or another about tattoos and reminders and other such things. He also has a few scars (even from before he went to prison. Learning how to use a sword had a couple mishaps) and draws over them

Trusted friends - and Aura because he cant stop her - are allowed to also use marker to draw on him. Phoenix Wright is one of those trusted people (though Simon can’t place exactly why) and Simon has to say. The painting he got on his back both felt nice and was almost too pretty to wash off

Good at cooking!!! hes good at cooking. Athena likes his cooking a lot and has a habit of bringing recipes over and telling him he should try it. he does. its good. over time he gains a BUNCH of different kitchen supplies. i’d list them out but i dont know the names of kitchen stuff

He cant make sweets. he goes off about some. hands stained with something something makes them all come out sour, sounds poetic and all and athena kinda pipes up from the back “hes just really bad at it” and widget rolls around in a nod.

Sweet tooth. huge sweet tooth

Simon sometimes kinda wants a widget himself. but also he doesn’t? Like- he has Taka. For his birthday he got together with Aura and Athena and they all built a cute bird robot (for the most part anatomically correct) but before they coded in the ai Simon was like “ok wait but i dont WANT a lil robot pal. i have taka already. this one is metal it cant even fly” and aura took that on as a challenge and made it so the robot could fly and simon started teaching her about how to care for a bird and she doesnt hit her robots anymore its great. ah yes she got the bird robot. to be clear

Back to the sweet tooth thing, he likes having something in his mouth. if its not a feather then well. hello lollypops. Athena mistook it for a cigarette, Tyrell Badd style. She was quiet about it for a while, and then was like “you shouldnt smoke its bad for ur lungs” and hes like “yes? im aware. where did this come from” and she points to his mouth and widget goes “UR SMOKING” and then he pulls the lollypop out of his mouth and theyre like. “oh.”

Simon is friends with everyone except not really? Like he’s gotten to the point where he can be friendly mean to most of them and they’ll be friendly mean back. But also he doesn’t spend time with them? Like there’s Athena who’s his sister and she kinda just. is in his house and took his spare key. and aura who’s also his sister who took the spare key athena had and made one of her own. but everyone else is just. has the capability to be considered friends because of how they act but is also really just acquaintances?

Others who dont fall into that category that arent Athena and Aura:

Apollo (he kinda just. is too scared of simon to be friends)

Kay (she like. immediately mistook him for her uncle and he was like. MAN okay i gotta meet this guy and they became friends)

Sebastian. theyre actual friends its so funny, neither of them know how it happened but they infodump to each other and sebastian chirps back at taka as a stim

phoenix. Simon looks up to him a lot and kinda just. yes i will be normal with this guy. i will not be evil and scary and stuff.

trucy. looks down at her a lot. shes short. yes i will be evil and scary and stuff. she finds it funny. i will keep doing it. he is a HUGE source of her amusement

Simon is having SOOO much trouble undoing all his self depreciating humor. he started using it to cope with the fact that hes on death row and then boom now hes NOT and well. whats he gonna do with that awful humor now. get rid of it apparently.

okay okay im done

[like-rain-or-confetti]

A Story (Alec Volturi x Reader)

You opened your eyes, sitting up straight. Your back was stiff. You were in your bathtub, fully clothed, soaked. The bathwater threatening to spill over and freezing. You frowned. “I need to stop drinking.” You grumbled before rolling out of the tub. You groaned, too sore to even consider standing up. You’d clean the mess later. You crawled into your bedroom before flopping onto the floor. This had to be the last time you drank, it had to be. Better ignoring that you definitely could have drowned, since you were so intoxicated that you tried to take a bath and didn't even take off your clothes. You couldn’t even remember the night before so really, it wasn’t worth it. Whilst you didn’t have a headache, thankfully, you just felt tired...and cold. Phone, where was it? You groaned, a sudden feeling you had left it in the bathroom. You didn't see it around your room and it wasn't in any pockets thankfully. With a sigh, you figured you couldn’t avoid the day any longer, although it would be very nice to try. Regardless, you slowly got up and trudged back into the bathroom. 

Your phone was on the floor, next to the bath. A couple of water droplets lay on the screen but remained undamaged...although it had twenty percent battery left. You had two missed calls from Alice. You checked your texts to find none. You decided to call Carlisle who picked up after two rings.  “Hello?”  “Carlisle, it’s (Y/N).” You said.  “Hello, are you okay?”  “Yeah, i’m good. I just...do you know if i was drinking last night?” Carlisle seemed amused. “No, why?”  “Oh, no reason. I just, woke up weird and tired.”  “Im sure you could have done that without alcohol.”You could hear his smile in his voice. You hummed in amusement.  “Are you coming to visit today?”  “Yeah, I can do that.”  “I just wanted to check since you said you would yesterday?” Carlisle responded. “I did? I must have forgotten but yeah, i can do that. I’ll come over later. I’m going to take a nap first, okay?”  “Alright, I’ll see you soon.”  “Bye, Carlisle.” 

When you arrived at the Cullen’s, they seemed as though they were waiting.  “The Volturi are coming to visit.” Carlisle informed you.  “The who?” You made a face of confusion.  “The Volturi.”  “I’m going to assume thats some vampire friends i don’t know about.” You shrugged. Carlisle turned to you with a look of confusion of his own. “You’ve-” He paused. Carlisle's eyes widened, a sickening thought rushed through him. Panic rushed through Carlisle realising the likelihood of his thought become more and more likely. "Stay here for a while. We have guests, I believe you'll have met them before." Carlisle swallowed hard trying not to scare you. You lightly shrugged. 

A group of seven arrived, all dressed in black and grey with cloaks, varying in the same colours. You could tell they were an older coven with how they moved. You were given their names and noted the odd looks they gave you. You figured it was down to being human, you were a big no-no from what you remember. "Do you know these people?" Carlisle asked you before putting his hand into Aro's in a weird bizarre handshake. You shook your head. "No. We haven't met." Carlisle inhaled.

This made Esme step towards you. "(Y/N), why don't you help me in the kitchen?" She smiled. "Carlisle will get our guests settled in before you make their acquaintance." You nodded. "Sure thing, Esme." Without a second glance you turned, heading for the kitchen, Esme sending Carlisle a glance. 

Half an hour passed and Esme led you to the living room where the Volturi awaited your presence. Your eyes immediately shot to Carlisle, nervous about meeting his friends but he nodded in encouragement. The leader in the middle was the first to greet you. "You must be young (Y/N), we've heard so much about you. We are delighted to meet you. My name is Aro." "Hi...it's nice to meet you too." You nodded. He held out a hand and you hesitantly reached out thinking it was a handshake. Instead, he cradled your hand in his own briefly. A flicker of an unrecognisable emotion passing his face before his wide smile returned. "These are my brothers, Caius and Marcus." The two men beside him nodded to you and you offered them shy smiles. He gestured to who you were told were their guards. "This is Jane, Alec, Demetri and Felix." You nodded. "Hi." You said nervously as the four nodded at you. Later that night you huddled into your seat. "So you guys have been around for a long time?" You asked looking over the Volturi members. "Yes. Quite." Aro smiled slightly. "Do you guys have any good stories? Surely you've got at least one after all this time." The Volturi looked around amongst each other, Marcus kept his head down whilst the Cullen's looked around uncertain of how to continue the conversation. Marcus spoke up, meeting your gaze. "I have a story. It was quite some time ago but I believe it's one our coven cherishes." All eyes were on Marcus, uncertain just what he was doing. However, you seemed pleased. "I'd love to hear it...if you're willing to tell it." "I believe it would be a good one to tell." Marcus nodded. "This is a story about a human we once knew, one who after all this time will continue to be very special to us." 

(Y/N) caught Alec in their sights as he approached the door to the spare bedroom. "Alec!" They cried out with a grin. "You're here!" "So are you." Alec said peeking around the door. "What are you doing here? You don't live here." Alec couldn't help the amused smirk building upon his face as he watched (Y/N) struggle to reach for something on top of the closet. "I'm visiting but...! I can't reach my folder! I left it here the last time I stayed over. It has all my documents in there." With a defeated sigh, (Y/N) began to drag themselves down the closet doors. "I'd offer my assistance but I don't think I can't do anything without damaging furniture." Alec pondered. Alec's eyes suddenly glinted, clearly having an idea. "Come here." Alec bent down. "What am I doing?" They asked with confusion. "You're going to sit on my shoulders and I'll lift you up." Alec responded. (Y/N) made a noise of protest but couldn't think of a reason why. They couldn't necessarily tell him you were too heavy, tall or would hurt him given Alec was inhumanly strong. "...Promise you won't drop me?" They asked him. Alec looked unimpressed. "I have no reason to drop you now, come on." (Y/N) whined quietly in defeat once again moving to Alec. 

As they got into position they looked down at him nervously. "You're sure I won't hurt you?" (Y/N) asked and Alec rolled his eyes, wrapping his hands around their ankles and standing up with ease. (Y/N) squealed, although it seemed Alec was right. He wouldn't drop them. "Oh it's all the way at the back, I bet Emmett did that. Can you take a step forward please?" Alec complied and suddenly the folder was in arm's length. (Y/N) grabbed it. "Thank you!" "Did you know that it's very likely you couldn't get down now that I have a hold of your ankles?" Alec smirked and (Y/N)’s smile of accomplishment vanished. "You'd get tired quickly." They retorted. "Would I? Shall we see how long I last?" Alec responded. "If you don't put me down, I'll eventually pee on you. It's inevitable." Alec immediately pulled a face of disgust, crouching back down and letting (Y/N) stand up.  "So are you visiting the Cullen's or have you broke in? Oh! Oh! Did you run away from the Volturi and so have sought shelter with the Cullen's?" They asked. He scoffed. "My coven is visiting to check the progress of the hybrid." Alec answered. 

Later that night, (Y/N) and Alec were outside, sitting on the Cullen's balcony floor. "Why do you need those? Those documents?" Alec asked turning his head towards them. "Oh, it's just stuff to keep the state happy. It's documents saying that Carlisle is my emergency contact and stuff, he's my legal guardian though I'm not living with him. I'm in contact with him frequently and he gives me money for my house. All of that stuff. Boring really." "You still haven't been in contact with your parents?" Alec asked and (Y/N) smiled at him sadly before shaking their head. "You should reach out, (Y/N). The argument was a typical one. They have no reason to hold a grudge against their own child for this long over something so trivial." "It's a little more complicated than that. Although I guess deep down, I like to think that maybe I do have their forgiveness." They admitted. "You didn't do anything wrong. Besides, for the last option, you could always make them forget the argument ever happened and avoid the topic forever." Alec smirked at (Y/N) who playfully shoved him. "Thanks Alec." They said with sarcasm. "It'll be okay, I assure you." Alec said to them. "They'll come around if they aren't already waiting for you to come back to them." 

(Y/N)’s gift was phenomenal. Unique but dangerous due to its impact. They could make people forget things, everything really. Whether it were, events memories or thoughts, none of them were exempt. The only person it didn't work on was themselves. Since meeting the Cullen's and eventually Alec, (Y/N) had better control of their gift making them a very tempting addition to Aro's collection. Although that was still very much in discussion. Whilst they'd have to be changed at some point, it wasn't consensus that they were to join the Volturi. As a matter of fact, it was highly debated among both covens instead. 

"You talk about my ability like you can trust me with it. I'm still learning, you could be forgotten at any time." Alec chuckled. "First of all, it doesn't work on yourself. Secondly, you don't forget someone like me." Alec's smile faded. "Not for good reasons, might I add." "Good reasons for me... you've been nicer to me lately." (Y/N) said. "I'm trying...it's not your fault you're human." Alec smirked slightly. (Y/N) narrowed your eyes on him playfully. "It's all I can ask." Alec wasn't the most open individual nor the kindest. He certainly had nothing nice to say about (Y/N) when they first met. Although over time, he gradually warmed up to them- even if it was reluctantly. Now (Y/N) felt like Alec understood them better than anyone in the world and accepted them. It made their bond to him stronger than most bonds could ever be. (Y/N) was confident that a piece of them would always be connected to Alec, nothing could divide them from him.

None of the Volturi really understood why Carlisle had a form of guardianship over (Y/N) and what a conflict with their parents actually meant for them to no longer be around their parents. Whilst the Volturi wanted to respect their privacy, it was important to them if (Y/N) were to become a vampire eventually. It was necessary to have the details. Although even being close with Alec didn't give them any answers as (Y/N) never told him any complete details. 

There was an argument about (Y/N) wanting to be independent, treated less like a child and since then, they hadn't been near them since. Whilst this seemed logical that (Y/N) left, it didn't make sense why their parents hadn't reached out to them in so long. So much so (Y/N) was convinced that they couldn't be forgiven. 

Marcus asked (Y/N) about their parents when talking one night. "Do they know about your gift?" He asked. (Y/N) wanted to wince at the reference of their ability being a 'gift' when there was very little actually pleasant about it. "No, they don't. I never told them and after that argument, I guess I had made up my mind they could never know."  "Do you miss them?" Marcus asked. "I try to forget about them if I'm honest." (Y/N) answered. This response made Marcus tilt his head slightly. They looked at him, really scrutinizing him. Marcus was the most kind and gentle of the Volturi leaders. (Y/N) couldn't help but trust him, especially after he came to defence of their friendship with Alec to anyone who questioned it. Marcus had always made it clear that the bond Alec shared with them was undeniable. "Can I tell you the full story?" "If you wish." Marcus said quietly. 

(Y/N) could remember the moment that their house stopped being your home. Everything was as it always had been. Signs of life, nothing missing from it's usual place. However, it was no longer welcoming as it had been before. Even the photographs of (Y/N) and their family, scattered around the place. Things were different now. Instead of a family, there were just memories of one. It took some time for (Y/N) to understand how their gift worked. Although they were forced to learn the hard way. (Y/N) had been arguing with their parents when (Y/N) said something about forgetting (Y/N) ever existed. Their parents did. They never had any children by that name. Nor had they ever seen (Y/N) before. All memories of them gone in a matter of moments. From then on (Y/N) could only see their parents from a distance, outside their house. Their parents wondered why they had pictures with the strange person in their house and got rid of them too. "I wanted to remember every inch of them as they were. Their eyes, nose, mouth, hair. Every tiny detail, because I knew after today. I'd never see them again." (Y/N) told Marcus. "Why are you so determined to pretend this didn't happen rather than embrace it and carry on?" Marcus asked. There was a moment of silence. Neither of the two looking at one another. "You rejected Corin's gift when offered comfort after your loss. Why?" (Y/N) responded. Marcus thought about the answer but it didn't require much thought. He had spent decades thinking about that decision and why he made it. "Because I wanted to feel the pain. I didn't want to feel content about her death." (Y/N) thought over his answer before replying, sadness almost radiating from them. "See that's where you and I differ. I want nothing more than to forget." Their voice was quieter as they looked down at their hands. It was safe to say, Alec was furious at (Y/N) when he found they had left out such an important detail when it came to why their parents didn't speak to them. (Y/N) had more than one chance to tell him and they didn't. It felt like a betrayal, like they had lied. Alec only ever asked (Y/N) to be honest with him, no secrets. This secret was a pretty big one at the very least. (Y/N), on the other hand, didn't think anything wrong with that. They were allowed some privacy like every other person. They were sure Alec didn't tell them everything so why should they share something they simply hadn't been ready to speak about until that moment. It was how the argument had began and it seemed the more defensive (Y/N) got, the more angry Alec became. 

"This isn't a big deal, you're making something out of nothing!" (Y/N) said with exasperation. "It is something, (Y/N)! You didn't trust me with the full story and you told Marcus! Even Carlisle knew!" "Carlisle had to know!" (Y/N) argued back. "If he didn't I'd have been taken by social services! I told Marcus because I was ready to talk about it and I knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it! It was nothing to do with trust!" Alec scoffed sending them a sneer. That was when their anger had begun to really build. "Am I honestly supposed to believe that you tell me everything!?" (Y/N) snapped. "That's different! There are parts of my life that aren't necessary and would only scare you." "Like your complete lack of trust and hatred towards humans for being burned at the stake? Like the dark, twisted things you and your coven have done in the name of justice?" "You don't know what you're talking about." Alec said icily. "You're just a little human who thinks they know everything when they know nothing. I have given you no reason not to trust me-" "Alec, I didn't do anything to you! Ever! I didn't accuse you of witch craft! So what did I ever do to you like the rest of the human population!?" Alec laughed darkly. "Of course, you wouldn't understand. How could I expect you to? You're only human." 

(Y/N) was stunned into silence before fury took over them. "You are cold." (Y/N) said, anger and disgust in their eyes. "Cold and empty. So empty you have to suck out the life of everyone around you to feel even an ounce of emotion. Perhaps that is what your village  saw in you! Perhaps that's what Aro sees in you! A monster just like the rest of your coven!" (Y/N) looked taken aback by their own words, stunned. When they saw the look of growing rage upon Alec's face, they knew they had done it again. Like they had with your parents, they lashed out with hurtful words they didn't mean. Alec was very hurt. (Y/N) knew by the emotion overpowering his stoic gaze. "I'm so sorry." (Y/N) whispered, their anger rushing away as they began to feel nothing but guilt. The look Alec gave (Y/N) could kill but instead he began to walk by them. (Y/N) reached out for him, grabbing his hand. "Alec, wait-" They began but gasped as they immediately felt cold numbness crawl up their arm. Alec roughly tore their hand off him and they were so caught off guard that they didn't even notice the slight pain you felt within their fingers. Suddenly (Y/N) felt like they were on fire. 

(Y/N) screamed, collapsing to the ground, seeing Jane was now beside her brother. The two watched (Y/N) scream without sympathy. "So that's how you really feel." Jane said simply. Alice and Carlisle were quick to rush by the twins and towards (Y/N). "Enough! Not in my house!" Carlisle barked.  The pain stopped, only (Y/N)’s hysterical crying being heard. "I didn't mean it!" They cried out as Alice pulled them into a hug, hushing them. "It's okay." She told (Y/N). "You're okay."

It was obvious that all the Cullen's and the Volturi knew what had happened and surprisingly enough the Volturi also seemed rather angry by (Y/N)’s outburst. Alec had made it known, (Y/N) wasn’t worth his time. (Y/N)’s true feelings had finally come to light. Yet none of the Volturi seemed to believe them when they said it wasn't true. Despite knowing (Y/N) sometimes said things they didn't mean. The last time they had seen their parents being one of them. 

It had been Marcus that suggested the two covens separated for the night for some space. Especially since the Volturi hadn't fed yet. However, much to (Y/N)’s surprise, someone of the Volturi had phoned the Cullen's. Whoever it was, was asking on the leaders behalf how they were. If (Y/N) had to guess it was Marcus. If they were hopeful, Alec would want to know too. (Y/N) stared at Carlisle, who stood at the entrance way. "Marcus wants to know if you're okay." Carlisle said. "However I'm not entirely sure what to tell him. So, how are you (Y/N)?" (Y/N) slowly met his eyes. They looked exhausted from how upset they had been. "Tell him what he wants to hear. Tell him that I'm fine." Their voice croaked slightly. "I don't think I can do that." Carlisle said softly. "Why?" (Y/N) responded flatly. "You're asking me to lie for you." Carlisle replied. "He thinks I'm a monster. So it's better he thinks that way." Carlisle began to protest but Esme appeared with the phone. "Would you be willing to speak to him?" Carlisle asked, taking the phone from Esme. Even as Carlisle put it on speaker, Marcus asked if (Y/N) was alright. He even acknowledged that Jane's behaviour wasn't necessary. Somewhat of an apology. However (Y/N) stayed put, simply staring at the phone. After another few moments of silence, Carlisle took the phone off speaker before putting the phone to his ear. "My apologies, Marcus. I don't think they're feeling well enough to come to the phone right now. They appreciate your concern." "Of course, Carlisle." Marcus responded. "I thought it best to express my concern given Jane's gift." Marcus lifted his gaze to the twins, Jane looking indifferent whilst Alec's eyes were latched onto Marcus. "Emotions are high right now, would you appreciate our return tomorrow?" "Of course." Carlisle responded. "I'm going to keep (Y/N) here over night to keep an eye on them but I'm sure they will be just fine." After some more conversation, Marcus bid farewell and hung up the phone. 

He turned to Alec. "I assure you, they didn't mean it." "That doesn't matter." Caius snapped. "They still said it." Marcus turned his gaze to Caius. "You suffer from the same flaw Caius. If anyone should be understanding, it's you." "Why should I take the time to understand? They're human. That's a waste of energy." Marcus turned back to Alec. "Trust me. I'd know if there were any truth in their words." 

"They're coming back tomorrow?" (Y/N) whispered. Carlisle nodded. "We can take you home before they get here if you like. However, I feel more comfortable keeping an eye on you tonight after..." Carlisle trailed off but (Y/N) knew. After Jane used her ability on them. (Y/N) nodded. They were given the option to stick around the next day. Although (Y/N) declined, deciding they'd go home instead. 

"I'll drop you off." Alice said brightly in attempt to keep the mood light. "Thanks." (Y/N) said quietly. Alice, Carlisle and Esme went quiet. "Let's go out the front." Alice smiled. "I'll go and get my keys and meet you at the car okay?" (Y/N) nodded. "Sure." "Come and visit tomorrow." Esme nodded to them with a smile, bringing (Y/N) into a hug. "Okay." They responded quietly, offering her a small brief smile before heading out the door. 

Just as the door shut behind (Y/N), the Volturi moved into the living room after being let in by Jasper. Carlisle was quick to welcome them. Before they could ask, Carlisle explained whilst Alice passed by with her keys in hand. "Alice will be back shortly. She's taking (Y/N) home." 

Alice grinned at (Y/N) as she walked down the path. "Alright, ready to go?" Even now she was trying to keep the mood light. (Y/N) nodded. "Yeah. Thanks for the ride." "Of course!" Alice responded. (Y/N) kept their eyes on her, not daring to look at the house until they were in the car. 

Two days passed and Alec still wasn't speaking to )Y/N). Although (Y/N) figured it would have been best if they were the one to reach out to him given the situation as well as knowing Alec wasn't necessarily one to do any kind of approaching unless it were to kill them. (Y/N) found him alone and decided that was a better opportunity than any. He sat his his back to them, seemingly reading in Carlisle's study. "Alec?" (Y/N) asked quietly. They didn't receive a response, not even the turn of his head. He remained unmoving. "Could we talk for a minute? I want to apologise again. I didn't mean it but I still said it and I shouldn't have. It was an awful thing to say and I'm so sorry." Their words still didn't earn even the turn of Alec's head. "I can't stand not talking to you." (Y/N) began. "You're my best friend and I miss you. I want to make it up to you. To show you that I’m sorry and that I'd never think such a thing of you." (Y/N) still received no response. They sighed. "I don't know what to do here." "What makes you think you can do anything?" Alec's voice was cold. Although (Y/N) considered it progress. Especially as he turned around to look at (Y/N). His face was unforgiving, gaze piercing and his mouth in a tight line. "We both know I'm going to hurt you regardless." Suddenly he was standing and slowly moving towards them. (Y/N) took a step back. "You're scaring me." They said, trying to maintain the distance. He looked at (Y/N) like he did everyone else. He looked at them like he wanted them to burn as he did, like (Y/N) deserved more than he ever did. Alec looked like he most certainly would hurt them or even kill them. "I didn't mean it!" (Y/N) pleaded. "I'm sorry!" Alec glared at (Y/N). "It was my fault. It won't happen again." (Y/N) faltered. "What?" “It’s my fault for thinking you were different from any other disgusting wretched human!” Alec had most certainly returned the favour, his words cut (Y/N) to the core. They felt tears well up in their eyes. "Get out." Alec snarled and they did. Without question. 

Another day or so passed and (Y/N) had an idea of how to fix all of it. Once again, (Y/N) waited until he was alone, this time he was outside by the tree line before the woods. "I'm mad at myself too, you know." (Y/N) began, crossing your arms over your chest. "I felt the same way when I made my parents forget about me. The confusion and fear they had to see someone claim to be their child, have photographs with them but have no recollection of them ever existing. I was so angry with myself for saying what I did and I'm even more angry that I did it again but this time to you. I meant what I said Alec. You're my best friend. What I'm trying to say is that I get it, if you hate me. I understand. Although I really do want to try anything I can to make this up to you." His back was still towards (Y/N). "You won't even look at me." (Y/N) said quietly. Alec turned to look at them with an empty stare. "Alec..." (Y/N) trailed off. "I want you to forget this happened." "What?" Alec's eyes narrowed on them. "I want you to be happy. I never wanted to hurt you. So I want you to forget-" "No!" Alec covered his ears and shut his eyes tightly. "Alec, look at me." (Y/N) stepped closer. "No! Get back!" Alec yelled. That was when Carlisle hurried in between them both. "What is it?" Carlisle asked, looking between them both. "They're trying to make me forget!" "It's better this way!" (Y/N) pleaded to Carlisle. "I never meant for any of this and it's hurting him! I can fix it!" "(Y/N), I want you to listen to me very carefully." Carlisle began, blocking them from Alec. “These thoughts, these memories, they don’t belong to you. They are not yours to take." "I-" (Y/N) struggled to respond. Feeling both the eyes of Alec and Carlisle on them. Carlisle put his hands on their shoulders. "This isn't the way." "I can't believe you!" Alec spat. "This is how you want to make it up to me? Wipe my memory and pretend it never happened!?" (Y/N) could see the hatred in Alec's eyes. Any second chance he had considered was long gone. 

In that moment (Y/N) gave in. They knew they couldn't fix it. (Y/N) couldn't make it up to him and he wasn't willing to forget. It was over. Jane was the first to storm up to (Y/N) when they came back into the house. She was immediately held back and to their surprise she didn't use her gift.  However, she did rant that they were lucky she couldn't slap you at the very least. Although she didn't need to. (Y/N) was suffering enough. They didn't look at anyone, instead walking out the front door. Alec and Carlisle entered the house, Alec yelling in outrage. Carlisle simply wasn't listening to him. His eyes immediately searching for (Y/N). "They left...what happened?" Rosalie asked. Carlisle said nothing, rushing out the door after (Y/N). 

It was night time and most certainly not safe for them to walk home alone but they were determined to. Tears running down their cheeks, arms crossed over their chest as they briskly walked down the road. "(Y/N)!" They heard Carlisle call out behind them. (Y/N) didn't respond, continuing to walk away. Suddenly Carlisle was behind them, tugging them back. "(Y/N), it's not safe out here. Come back inside, we can figure-" "No!" (Y/N) shouted back. "Get off of me! I'm going home!" "Let me take you home then, come back to the car." Carlisle said. "I'm not going back in there! I’ve lost everything! It's my fault! I lost my friend, I lost my parents and there's no one else to blame but myself!" (Y/N) yelled. "(Y/N), you are a wonderful person with a remarkable gift. You just need some guidance. We can help you, just come back. I'll take you home!" Carlisle pleaded. "You know what the cruel part about my gift is Carlisle?" (Y/N) said significantly more quiet, an eerie calmness taking over them. "I can't use it on myself. I can make everyone around me forget anything but the one who wants to forget the most is me." (Y/N) took a step forward. "Can you take me home please?" Carlisle nodded. 

Outside (Y/N)’s house, Carlisle pulled over. "Come to the house tomorrow. We'll have something figured out by morning." (Y/N) sighed before nodding. "Alright, I'll do it." "This will improve, (Y/N). We'll talk things over with them." Carlisle assured them. "Yeah, just at what cost?" (Y/N) mumbled. "I lost my friend. Alec will never speak to me again." "You don't know that." Carlisle responded hurriedly. "I do." (Y/N) said. "I'm just going to sleep this off. I'll see you tomorrow." 

(Y/N) decided to run a bath later that night. Kneeling on the floor they turned on the tap which began to fill the tub. They felt the weight of every decision they had made on their body and no longer could they even cry about it. Whilst (Y/N) thought a bath would be best, they didn't really care about it being too warm or too cold. As a matter of fact, they didn't think further than the action itself. 

"They hurt me." Alec ground out. Marcus wanted Alec to see reason. Not only that, Marcus wanted Alec to admit the reality of the situation and not hide from it. It was of no surprise to him considering (Y/N) was the first proper friend Alec had, the closest anyone had ever come to the twins. "Just as you hurt them." Marcus replied. "You've hurt many people, Alec. (Y/N) is one of many on that list. Yet regardless, they want you in their life. They want your friendship. You want to punish them but you don't realise they've already punished themselves. More so than is necessary. Furthermore, you aren't just punishing (Y/N), you're punishing yourself. I know you want to be their friend but you won't let yourself." "They-" "You're torturing yourself as much as your torturing them." Marcus said simply. "I think they frightened you, boy. I think you forgave them the minute they said it and that frightened you." Alec didn't have a response. As much as he tried. He couldn't tell Marcus he was wrong because he wasn't. "I can't trust them." Alec responded. "You can. You simply won't. They said awful things but still want you in their life. Apologizing the minute it was said. You've never experienced that and it bothers you that it makes it difficult to act in your usual response." "I don't know how." Alec said after a moment of silence. "I don't know how to show that I care about them and I don't know how to show it when I forgive them. I'm so used to pushing people away that...I don't know how to let people in." "You tell them." Marcus responded. "Even if it means you need to say it to yourself first. Put down the weight of the past. Even if it's only for them." Silence filled the room. "I forgive them." Alec said under his breath, it was quiet, barely audible but there none the less. 

Alice tilted her head, staring at nothing in particular. “What is it Alice?” Jasper asked. “I think i should check on (Y/N).” She responded. “I can’t be sure but i think something is wrong.”  “They’re upset.” Carlisle responded. “Do you suspect they’re in danger?” Alice tilted her head again. “I don’t think so. It’s hard to tell, I see them and then it just goes black.”  “Why not give them a call?” Esme asked lightly. Alice nodded, immediately going for her phone. 

(Y/N)’s phone buzzed beside them, as they sat and watched the running tap. It was a text from Bella, telling them that Jake and the pack were around the area, making sure they knew the Volturi wouldn’t come within their vicinity for the night. (Y/N) was about to respond when they got a phone call from Alice.  “Hello?” (Y/N) answered.  “Hi (Y/N), I just wanted to check in with you since things didn’t end too well tonight.” They paused and Alice noticed. “They’re just leaving now for the night.” Alice said, locking eyes with Alec as the Volturi moved towards the door.  “I’ll be fine.” (Y/N) responded.  “I... thought i had a vision of you but, I couldn’t see anything.” (Y/N) smiled slightly with a hum of amusement. “You don’t need to look out for me, Alice. I’m just going to go for a bath and head to bed.”  “Are you sure?” Alice asked.  “Of course. Besides, I’ve already began running the water...as you know.” Alice hummed quietly in amusement. “This will be fixed tomorrow.” (Y/N) swallowed. “I know.” (Y/N) said quietly.  “It’s a good sign they want to see you, you know?” Alice said.  “I can only hope.” They said simply.  “Anyway, get some sleep and i’ll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?”  “Yeah, have a good night Alice.”  “See you tomorrow, (Y/N).” 

When (Y/N) hung up the phone, a tear ran down their cheek. ‘disgusting wretched human!’ Alec’s voice rang in their head. (Y/N) put their phone on the floor next to them. (Y/N) felt their clothes stick to them as they sank into the water, leaning back in the bath. The calm luke-warm water peaceful, like their mind. (Y/N) felt a tear run down their cheek. (Y/N) shook their head biting back their tears. Before any more could fall, (Y/N) slowly sank underneath the water. After a brief moment,(Y/N) sat up, their hair dripped as they felt another wave of calm wash over them. (Y/N) noticed a reflection of the ceiling along the water. An idea rushed to their mind and that was when they knew, what they had to do. (Y/N) hunched over slightly, arms moving to the edge of the tub, more droplets falling down the sides. They looked at their reflection.  “You’re going to forget. You’re going to forget the Volturi, forget what happened. You’ll forget ever meeting them. You’re going to forget that you have a gift to make people forget things. You won’t think to even question it. If it’s brought up. It’ll be like a dream, or story that you made up. You’ll forget ever using it, you wont remember to question why your parents aren't around.” It wasn’t known when (Y/N) had stopped repeating those very words. Although it wouldn’t concern them, they’d forgotten they had ever done it. "If only (Y/N) would have waited. If only we were quicker. Then maybe we would have had the time to tell them that they were forgiven. That for some of us, there was nothing to forgive. Maybe if we had spent more thought, we'd have known how much hurt they truly felt. However by then, it was too late what was done was done. They'd forgotten who we were, forgotten what they had done and all the details in between, washed away by their gift. We'd never know if such a gift could be reversed but could only hope that they've found peace and happiness. They'd live out their life, never knowing the happiness they gave and the joy they spread to many."  Marcus finished.

Many in the room couldn't help but glance at you, wanting to see your reaction. Perhaps a flicker of recognition would show. Your head lowered and the two covens seemed almost hopeful. You lifted your head, wiping your eyes. "That's sad. I hoped for a happy ending." A pang hit some of their chests, that statement had remained the same even before you had forgotten. A quiet hum escaped you. "You know it's strange, you said the humans name was (Y/N). My name is (Y/N) too." "Oh?" Marcus responded lightly with a ghost of a smile. You nodded. "It's a funny coincidence, I suppose." You looked at Marcus with uncertainty. "I feel like I should hug you...?" You began. Marcus cracked a small smile. "That's alright." Marcus stood up and you met him half way.  The room was quiet, even after you both separated. 

You moved into the kitchen to refill your glass of water when you jumped. Alec was so quiet you had no clue he was even in there. "You scared me!" You laughed, a hand going to your chest. "Sorry." Alec felt a pang in his chest, remembering how tried to apologise to him and he completely rejected you. This time you were apologizing for nothing. In your eyes, you had apologised to a complete stranger and that broke Alec's heart. He wished he could turn back time, assure you that you were forgiven, that you'd always be his friend. He missed that chance, you got so good at your own gift you figured out a way to use it on yourself. "Alec, yeah?" You asked. Alec nodded. "I'm getting better at names." You smirked, pleased with yourself. "The human in Marcus' story was your friend right?" You asked nonchalantly as you filled your glass. "Yes." Alec responded. "Can I ask you something?" You turned, now with a full glass with a small smile on your face. Alec knew that smile well that you had sent him. It was the polite smile you wore to anyone you didn't know. In the hopes that it would cover up how nervous you actually are about meeting new people. "Yes." Alec said again, not entirely ready for the question but whatever it was, it meant you'd stay in the conversation. For all he knew, that last conversation he'd have with you. "Were they nice? Your friend?" You might as well have stabbed him in the chest in that moment. Alec did his best to hide it. "They were wonderful. The best friend I could have ever had." Alec responded. You slowly nodded, contemplating his answer. "That's nice. Anyway, I won't bother you anymore." You smiled, raising your glass. "See you around." You turned and walked out the room without even a second glance. Leaving Alec standing in the kitchen, alone once again. Jane moved passed (Y/N), casting them a quick look before entering the kitchen towards her brother. She said nothing as Alec looked at her. For what could she honestly say? "They forgot me." Alec said quietly.