#thats just how its goin yaknow

[eggo-tistical]

my bad for not posting much lately!! im not free for winter break yet and my days generally consist of fluctuating between "IT'S SOO OVER" and "WE'RE SO BAAACK" at incredibly rabid speeds,

[honeyboyfelix]

*giving my character that mid campaign glow up art*: a tiddy window...cause you also deserve to be a whore

[coup-de-maine]

I was giving out smut advice and I thought it sounded pretty good so Ima share with yall:

How to RP smut, by me, a seasoned sex writer and connoisseur of dirty dirt.

Okay, so the thing with smut is... the more you do it the more comfortable its gunna get (obviously. Just like with real sex) 

If you’re nervous, I would find someone you like/trust and write with them privately, build your confidence a little. Also find someone who will top in a thread for you (not... necessarily top your character, but willing to take the lead and... put up with inexperience???) 

I've written with a lot of first time smutters so I know... how to... handle it when someone doesn't know wtf to do lol- and I'm happy to give feed back!! But yeah, i've... had people.... who.... I will write 5 paragraphs for and they clap back with:

"She moans, and arches her back and says "yes more" and moans" 

and I'm like. Sweet. She's moaning I guess- 

Which is only really frustrating if I... Don't know that's what you're like. I am so fine with that, but I'm gunna match that effort- if thats the effort you put in then you're gunna get "Thrusts and grunts" replies back cause I'm not wasting hours of thought into something your gunna skim and one finger type me a reply back to. So effort, is a big part of it. Smut can be the equivalent of sexting or it can be a novella and beautiful. We strive for the novella but the other one works and is... fine, too.

Obviously if you're looking to learn then hell yeah, I'm gunna go all out, show you the neat ways you can euphemise sex and if all you can think to say back is "Moans" thats fINE I'm ready to drabble it up in here and god mod a little so you can... observe, but also get some practice in, if that makes sense? Find someone willing to do that, reading and doing is half the battle with learning to write so someone has to be willing to be patient with you and write a majority for you so you can get an idea of what works and sounds good.

But yes, reading other peoples stuff is a great way to start, what sounds comfortable? what was awkward as hell? Can you word it better? 

Thats the thing too- you can't just read, you gotta mentally (or literally) take notes, this is highschool english class, break the sentence structure apart and like... play with it, fondle it, ask urself why it sounds good why it makes u hoRNY

If someone writes a really good cum ask urself why that cum sounded so good-

Was it explicit??? 

did they describe it dribbling down their who-ha? 

or was it the emotion? 

the quivering- succulent way their mind melted during that orgasm that made you know it dribbled-

Smut can be any way you want it. Some people go super detailed (please dont go too detailed- I had a guy describe the degree of testicle sag he had goin, don’t count me out individual pubic hairs) explaining the physical aspects, the hardness of cocks, the sweatiness of palms- the juiciness of peaches!!!! 

Other times its totally psychological (sex is a fascinating blend of body and mind!!!!!!) people describe how it felt, the thoughts they had like- idk maybe riding a dude bareback literally reminds them of a time they rode a horse totally naked and it was super freeing and transcendent and amazing! Just like this sex- hell yeah

Some people find a happy medium and that is what I strive for (Though I love getting psychological whenever I can----)

So yes, find your niche, dont be afraid to experiment- honestly just like what you like, write what you like and figure out a way to make it not sound terrible (its not as hard as you think, everything sounds terrible until you say it in your head a few times) 

Some people can NOT stand it if you use "Cock" and "Pussy" its gotta be "his hot throbby rod" and "her moist towelette-" or wtfever- but curses really aren't that bad and I'd rather say cock and get it over with then... whatever the fuck that was (though "heat" "desire" "arousal" are all GREAT stand in's if you aSK ME)

I used to REFUSE to write moaning out- like "Oh- ah yes harder!!" It made me cringe. Until I rped with someone who did it and as I was reading it I was like OH SHIT THATS SUPER HOT?? so yaknow, surprise yourself, be brave (honestly most of this advice applies to real life sex)

Honestly the only difference between RL sex and the sex of movies and pornos and whatever else you've been exposed to- real sex is a bit awkward. Positions get tiring, uncomfortable, hard to hold- even for a big muscular guy Fucking someone upright is TAXING 

Its awkward, its hard, you fall out all the fucking time unless the person is right up against you, so forget throwing them into the air and catching them on ur dick- in fact dicks fall out all the time and like- at the worst times (cause as soon as someone says "Im cumming" EVERYBODY gets reckless)

Legs cramp up, someone says some REALLY dumb dirty talk- and this is why comfortability is important cause like... 

Call them out omg please call out your partners. If what they did or said sounds ridiculous, fumble, laugh, give them a dirty look- cause its fun, its sexy, and its fun. Just- try not to be mean about it. 

I love getting teased for awkward sex cause its hilarious and its wholesome and it makes everyone more comfortable

And the easiest- EASIEST way to do the smut, is talk about kinks. Find out what you both like, or wanna write, cause that gives it a direction, a purpose beyond humpin. If you know you're gunna choke them out think about how, why, where, when- Discussing things until you’re both at the edges of your seats thinking- HOLY FUCK I NEED THAT IN MY LIFE

its so good

get excited and it will be so good

make sure to establish that treasured repertoire I talk about all the time and it will be so good 

[vernons-laugh-is-my-aesthet-blog]

Who else on svt (other than jeonghan and dk) do you think is genuinely close?

oooo00000OOOOh b you better grab a chair 

I actually think a majority, if not all, of Seventeen is close. They’ve all trained and worked with each other as “seventeen” for so long it’s kinda impossible to not know each other well yaknow? This list is what I’ve seen lately, but I cant be the one to fully judge because I didn’t stan Seventeen from the beginning T-T

Hyung line (s.coups+ Jeonghan+ Joshua)- They have a system going on where S.coups has to make a decision and Joshua and Jeonghan aid in  the right path. Kind like in OFD japan where Hoshi and Hyung team fought and Coups was a bit too heated to really make a decision and Jeonghan provided a push and Joshua provided reassurance that it’s the right thing to do to make a meeting and resolve the problem.

S.coups+all members- He needs to be able to know all the members well enough to lead the group. He doesn’t necessarily need to be with them all the time though, and that’s okay

Gamer buds (I think it’s S.coups+Wonwoo+Woozi or Mingyu???)- They play games together lol

Jeonghan+Dk-They’re each other’s favorite roommates. Their personalities clash well like a puzzle. Jeonghan yearns of love and appreciation and someone who can take his jokes well. Dk is just that dude. Someone who smiles through every situation and uses humor as his form of energy.

Americain line (Joshua+vernon)-Joshua talks to Vernon in English and aids him in learning the language and I bet Vernon helps him with writing Korean etc. They both know bits about America and customs there. They first bonded through that and now through their personalities.

Jun+wonwoo?- They are both the type of guys who say a joke that makes everyone uncomfortably laugh, but its okay because they have this thing goin where they tell fans that the other is bad at telling jokes and is unfunny, when irl they are just teasing.

Leader Line (Hoshi+Woozi+S.coups)- To be 3 leaders in a team you need a state of neutrality and know how to work well together. They lead differently. S.coups leads the team, he makes the decisions regarding the well-being of the team. Hoshi leads steps and position he makes sure they look well put together. He is also the hype man. Woozi is the “behind the scenes” man. He creates the music in his studio with no disruptions till its perfect. He doesn’t like the attention, but Seventeen/leaderline tries their best to tell everyone that he has a large role in the creation of Svt to rightfully credit him.

Hoshi+Wonwoo-Mocking each other 24/7. Same age friends. They like to play rough sometimes, but it’s a normal thing

Gag trio (Hoshi+Dk+Seungkwan)- Get together to make people laugh. They are the loud ones who just came to see a smile.I’m pretty sure they have a cheer too so…

Wonwoo+Mingyu-The solid ship. We got puppygyu and tsundere Wonwoo. They are sweet together. Though I heard a fan tried to force the ship irl and it made then drift apart for a while? I think they are coming back together

Woozi+Vernon- Teacher->apprentice. Woozi said he wants a mind like Vernon, the way Vernon thinks is so unique and different from what Woozi would expect. and Vernon said he wants natural talent like Woozi. Not many people shed light on it, but Vernon has a lot of credits alongside Woozi (but not as much ofc) in music production and lyric writing. Woozi appreciates that and they both share the same chill energy when they are not being memes.

Woozi+Jeonghan- Woozi only lets Jeonghan do things to him? But he doesn’t really threaten to hurt him afterwards. He just kinda lets it happen lol. 

Mingyu+The8- Now that The8 is coming more out of his shell and isn’t as ‘cute’ as his near debut image, he can finally let out the fashionista inside of him. He roasts tf out of Mingyu and enjoys the same interest as Mingyu in style and designing to the point that they both said that one day they will come out with a brand together. I feel like Mingyu is legit about that, so I look forward to it.

Mingyu+Seungkwan- The relationship they have is funny to me. They do this thing where they tease each other and then the other one acts like he “had enough” and fights the other. They had a vlive together and all they did was “bicker” and it was great lol.  That’s how I am with my friends. we just tell each other to stfu and fight all the time and it’s great. Goals amirite?

Chinaline (The8+Jun)- Legendary way of meeting (Jun rippin off The8′s cap and then proceeded to spit onto his face bc he had braces) Had to learn Korean together and know the struggles of leaving their hometown far away to pursue a kpop career. Rn its like a older brother to little brother situation where The8 is the older brother and Jun always tries to mess around with him.

Seungkwan+Vernon- So soft. so so so so so soft. Seungkwan watched his lil boy grow into a man, but still treats him the same. with the constant patpats on Vernon’s face and adoring him and appreciating him. And then vernon always looking at Seungkwan when he talks and laughs at his antics. This as a pure pair.

Seungkwan+Dino- bickering lol. Dino learning how to be sassy from Seungkwan. And Seungkwan being Sh00k from his clapbacks.

Vernon+Dk- Same birthday bros. They are memes together and apperently Dk really wants to meet Vernon’s lil sister. Vernon refuses. lol same.

Dino+Jeonghan?-Dino nugu aegi is a joke among Carats etc, but Dino wasnt much of a fan of it. He is grown now as stated by him which is a loss for poor affectionate Jeonghan. I’m not saying their connection is splitting, but it is sure being grinded down bc Dino doesnt like being babied anymore T-T

Dino+Hoshi-Same thing with Jeonghan kinda. I think Hoshi is trying to get the kid in Dino to come back out again. But Hoshi also respects his work ethic and ability to help choreograph.

If I were to condense the most within-group social members it would go:

S.coups-Everyone needs to be comfortable with the leader and he needs to now his members well in order to lead right

Jeonghan- Though he likes to joke a lot, members depend on him for advice and help in difficult times. And he is always there to listen 

Hoshi- Seventeen’s hype man. When the members feel slow in energy they can look to him to find a push and strive for perfection with matching passion as him

Dk-Ability to make the room light and happy. He knows how to joke well and the members appreciate it

Seungkwan-pushing Seventeen to be more out there. With his amazing variety and Mcing skill, he always tries to get the more quiet members to show up on camera and talk a bit

Mingyu- Does a lot for the group behind the scenes like cooking and cleaning. The backbone of the dorm lol. All members know him well. He is also social outside of the group.

Vernon-Due to this kid’s slow and l o s t (lol) nature, all Seventeen members feel a need to protect him. They all agree that he is very unique and 4d. Always living in his own word that they need to pull him back to the real world to ge him focused sometimes.

The8- Before was pretty quiet, but as his Korean improves so does his social skills. He is now able to talk more freely to members and ask what a certain word means without being scared of messing up

Joshua-Joshua is the type to be quiet most of the time, but has bursts of randomness. I feel like, like myself, though he doesn’t talk too much, he is always listening and observing (thats why he is good help for s.coups when making decisions)

Wonwoo- Wonwoo is an introvert and has trouble showing a lot of emotion. He does have a bubbly side though and its seen in his nose crinkles. 

Woozi-Woozi kinda chooses to be left alone. He prefers to work alone undisturbed and I think sometimes overworks himself. The members always point out his achievements bc woozi is not the type to shout it out himself.

Jun- Jun is really 4d and sometimes childish. The members love him of course, but sometimes his jokes can be too odd for everyone to grasp when he comes in and out of a conversation.

Dino- Dino is growing up and is finding individuality. So he will prob. not be playing along with the hyungs things like he used to before. But I hope he goes back to just joking around like that bc just bc you’re grown doesn’t mean you can’t be childish ^-^

There are many more combos I probably missed. I is overwhelmed my dude. Some of my stuff might even look full of shit to others. idk lol

[hopeless-helpless-heart]

3.29.19

i dont know how to start this. i erased my sentence 3 times. the hardest part about "trying* to recover from an eating disorder (for me) isnt the weight gain itself, but i guess that im gaining so fast ? between two Mondays ago and today, ive gained 10 solid not going anywhere not losing not water weight not period related ass pounds. and im already 12 hours into a fast (dont judge me) but i feel kind of ambivalent toward the actual number, more so than the knowledge of the previous number, in relation to the current one, considering the time between, if that made any sense. eating is really difficult. keeping it down is really difficult. and its hard because i dont feel like i know what im doing. when you have a cold, you know itll last about a week.5, eat your soup, blow your nose, lay in bed, take meds every 4-6 hours. all your directions are plastered down an entire aisle in a super market. my directions are on numerous websites, and they all say "you have to eat".but there's not really a gray area.. kinda just go from starve to fat overnight, and like...that's just it ? that's it. and yaknow, they work with you, give you distraction tips, tell you not to weigh yourself, delete the blogs, DO NOT MISS A MEAL, but i dont know how to actually cope with gaining weight. i have not mentally prepared myself for what is actually about to happen, and because of this, im not certain that i want it to.. i wish i could talk to my best friend about it. ever have that one person who, although they cant make what you're going through better, they help going through it feel a bit easier.. thats my best friend. but im so ashamed of myself because i lied to people for so long. its been almost 7 years, and i just told a therapist last year. b i been in therapy since i was 8. some habits die hard, ig. idk. my point is, i need my best friend. i finally told my sister, and she took it well and is being very supportive, but she's my older sister.. she's my best friend, too, but she's always my sister first. i need my best friend, and im too scared or ashamed or embarrassed to tell her. i wish it wasnt so hard.. like, there's food in my fridge. and its gonna spoil if i dont get my shit sorted, but H O W. do i get it sorted. "just eat an orange" okay... is that all i have to eat ? are we starting there, or ? im just so confused and my brain is goin, "welp, guess we'll just starve until monday, because cant proceed with no direction" right. ugh. this freshman 15 has taken on a whole new meaning and i feel lost as fuck right now. and its the worst because im failing classes. when i was depressed, i did okay still. i still had energy to do the work. now i have no energy, no appetite, no patience, and no motivation. and some would say use where you are as motivation to get better. okay, but i would still like to not gain 10 pounds in 1 week. so, theres that. ugh i really felt like ranting, then half way through was like 😩 im over it