#thats a little anxiety sweater

[movdotmov]

thing fun @exocynraku

[moralesluvr]

PAID IN FULL | billie eilish.

୧ ‧₊˚ when you forget your money at your drug deal with billie, she makes you offer up another payment method.

pairings & aus. drugdealer!billie eilish x fem!reader warnings. drugs...obviously | smut | switch!billie & switch!reader | i think thats it word count. 6.4k (i am so sorry)

the alley feels much colder tonight.

there’s a breeze that nips at your skin as you tug your sweater closer to your chest, although the cold air continues creeping underneath your flesh and settling there. you breathe out and it’s icy, a white cloud passing through your lips as your legs quickened, desperate to get off out the cold.

your shoes are scuffing underneath the chipped and imperfect pavement as you walk, your heart practically beating out your chest as anxiety swelled within you, because it was dark, for one, the opiate of winter falling over los angeles, and it was already night, despite it being only seven thirty.

you fumble your nimble fingers in your pockets to fish out a cigarette and a lighter, setting the cigarette ablaze and taking a puff as you walked, hair flowing wildly in the wind.

you shove your hands deeper in your pockets as you approach the end of the alley. it’s quiet and appears even darker to you, though it’s always been the same. a smell of smoke fills your nostrils and your eyes scan the empty, abandoned buildings, until your eyes land on her.

billie.

billie had been your dealer for a couple months now, and she was your favorite out of any that you’d ever had. she could be a little bitchy, and she had her moments, but she was always on time and reliable, and plus, always supplied you with good shit.

she was clad in a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, and your eyebrows furrowed at her nonchalance towards the icy cold. she was leaned up against a wall scrolling on her phone, a cigarette in her other hand as she looked up, locking eyes with you.

the only thing that illuminates the area now is the faint flicker of an old streetlight, which causes you to see billie wave you over with a slick smile, the faint curl of her lips greeting you without her saying a word first. you strut over to her quickly, and she places her hands in her pockets as she cocks her head to the side, “you’re a little late, princess.”

“i had to get gas.” you mangage, frigid fingers shaking slowly as you lifted your hand to take a drag of your cigarette, billie mimicking her actions. an obedient cloud of smoke leaves her lips as she quickly sucks it back in, and you roll your eyes at her, “show off.”

she doesn’t respond, she just drops her hand and leans up against the brick wall behind her, “so, you got the money? it’s thirty-five this time.”

you nod at billie and pull your wallet out from your purse that rests on your shoulders, opening it and expecting to see a two twenties laying there, but it’s completely empty.

your anxiety pumped through you as you shivered quietly, but not because of the cold. you could have sworn that you put the money in the wallet before you switched it out for your other one, but clearly, you were mistaken. but you’ve been hesitating too long, and billie’s eyebrow raises when you start tapping your pockets in a desperate attempt to find your cash.

billie’s eyes flicker over you, running a hand through her hair as she broke the silence, “what’s wrong, princess?”

“i….i forgot the money.” you murmured, your voice barely audible.

she pushes off the wall slowly, every movement deliberate and slow, like she’s wasting more time just to see you nervous. she echoes your statement, “forgot the money, huh?”

“yeah,” you mumble, avoiding her strong gaze. her eyes are low when she looks at you, and so dark that you can hardly tell they’re even blue anymore.

billie studies you for a moment, then jerks her head toward the corner of the building. she leaves fairly close by to your meeting spot, so she gestures to a street over, “c’mon, we’re not talking about this out here.”

you trail after her in silence, heart pounding with every step that you take, and you honestly feel like you might just throw up. she doesn’t talk to you the whole walk, she’s just quiet, apart from her humming a song or two every once and a while.

when you finally reach her place, your eyes catch how nice the exterior is. it’s all black and sleek, but with minimal windows. there’s two cars parked out front and you know that the black dodge is hers, but the hellcat— you’ve never seen that one before.

your eyes continue to scan the nature of her home after she unlocks the door without a word, pushing it open to reveal what’s inside.

the air’s thick, heavy with the smell of weed, there’s a the low hum of a tv in the background, although it hardly distracts you from the guy that’s sprawled out on her couch.

he’s counting money— stacks of it. his fingers move quick and methodical, flipping through the bills nonchalantly. there’s a faint sound of rap music that’s coming from his loud airpods, and he doesn’t even look up when you walk in.

billie tosses her keys onto the counter carelessly and finally breaks the silence that burdens you, but her words aren’t directed at you. her eyes land on the mysterious guy on the couch, “yo, go roll me a J real quick.”

“you could always say please,” he mocks, though he finishes off his last stack of money and places it neatly on the coffee table, rising from his spot and venturing into the kitchen.

now that you and billie are alone, your throat feels thick and it becomes difficult to swallow. never in life have you cheated billie or not given her a payment on time, and your heart races at the thought of your consequence.

she’s not the type to hurt you at all, and you know that. for months she’s called you her favorite customer, and she’ll slip little compliments to you here and there, but it isn’t often. you’ll catch her checking you out every once and a while, her eyes lingering on your tits too long or grazing your hand when she passes you your weed, you notice it all.

“so,” she drags out the vowel, twisting on your heel to look at you as you place your bag down on the hook next to the door. you’re standing awkwardly, and you don’t even realize that you’re holding your breath until she gets closer to you. “you really forgot the money, huh, princess?”

you nod stupidly, “yeah…i’m sorry bil, i can—“

“you know, princess,” she cuts you off, her voice soft and slightly teasing as her eyelashes flutter at you, “this isn’t exactly how business works, i know you know that. when you come to me, you bring me my shit, and i give you yours. not ‘tryna be a bitch, love. just how shit rolls. you understand?”

you nod quickly, heart pounding as you broke eye contact out of nervousness. you stare at your shoes, “i know, i know. i messed up. it won’t happen again—“

she cuts you off with a chuckle, leaning back onto a wall and crossing one foot in front of another, “oh, i know it won’t. but the thing is…” she pauses as you look up, her eyes locking with yours, “you still want what you came for, don’t you?”

you freeze, the weight of her words pressing against your chest. it seems like with every word exchanged between the two of you, she grows closer and closer to you. you gulp and you nod again, slower this time. “well…yeah.”

that makes billie shoot you a grin, so close now that the tip of your noses kiss. she looks up at you with those sultry eyes, making your skin feel hot as you returned eye contact.

“you know, i could just send you packing. but…” she tilts her head, her dark hair catching the dim light, “i think we can work something out.”

your breath catches as her gaze drops, trailing over you in a way that feels heavy, deliberate. she doesn’t say anything for a moment, letting the silence stretch just long enough to make your skin tingle. then, with a smirk that makes your stomach flip, she turns toward the hallway.

“come with me real quick,” she says over her shoulder, her tone casual but slick. she pauses for a moment when the guy from the couch hands billie a perfectly rolled joint.

you hesitate for a moment, glancing at the guy that now took his position back on the couch. he’s still counting money, not even sparing you a glance, mouthing the words to some song playing on his phone as billie began to walk. you take a shaky breath and follow her, your heart pounding louder with every step.

the hallway feels narrower than it should, her presence in front of you filling the space in a way that makes it hard to breathe. she leads you into a room at the end, the door creaking slightly as she pushes it open. her room is a chaotic mix of shadows and soft light, the faint smell of her perfume mingling with the lingering scent of weed.

she turns to face you, leaning back against the doorframe with her arms crossed. her smirk hasn’t faded, and her eyes stay locked on yours, her expression unreadable but knowing.

“so, princess,” she says, her voice dropping just slightly, “let’s talk about how you’re gonna make this up to me.”

you gulp silently as you eye billie, who’s leans up against her dresser, fishing for her lighter out of some drawer. her shirt is lifted slightly above her waistline, her belly button piercing and a tattoo sticking out, making your breath hitch.

she looked undeniably good, and when she stretched to her full height to look at you, she offered you a cocky smirk, “you got a staring problem?”

“i— no.” you shrug, trying to keep your cool as billie’s eyes lingered on you. she plopped on her bed and lit the joint, taking a long drag and sighing of relief, throwing her head back.

there’s a moment of silence between the two of you until she looks at you, taking another hit before speaking, “so, how you wanna do this, baby?”

you feel the air grow heavier much her question hanging in the space between you as you mindlessly stare at her. you can feel how stupid you look, and your mouth opens but no sound comes out.

billie’s gaze is fixed on you, a cloud smoke curling lazily around her plump lips as she exhales. her eyes narrow at you slightly, and her smirk sharp and cutting. she doesn’t say anything at first, letting the tension sit until it’s almost unbearable.

“…cat got your tongue?” billie drawls, tapping the ash from the joint into a tray on her nightstand. she settles further into her covers and sits with her legs crossed, “or are you just hoping i’ll let you slide?”

you clear your throat, shifting uncomfortably under her stare. you back up off the doorframe and rub your hands on your jeans nervously, palms incredibly sweaty. “i just… what do you mean?” you ask, playing dumb although you know damn well what she means.

billie snorts, a low, humorless sound, and shakes her head. she already knows that you’re playing stupid, and she sits up in seriousness and gives you stern eyes.

“don’t play dumb,” she says flatly, leaning back against the headboard, one leg bent while the other stretches out casually. “you came to me without cash, can’t just give my shit away, now can i? that’s not how this works. you know this, princess.”

your cheeks flush, the heat creeping up your neck as her words sink in. the pet names only continued to make your skin hot, and you shift your weight onto your left side, trying to mask the fact that all though you’re in pretty serious trouble with a literal drug dealer, it turned you on a little bit.

you force yourself to look at billie as she tilts her head at you, her smirk curling. “you’ve got nothing to say now?”

you swallow hard, fumbling for a response, billie she doesn’t give you the chance to even speak. she pats the space beside her on the bed, her voice dropping into a softer, almost mocking tone. “c’mere, princess. let’s figure this out, yeah?”

your legs feel like they’re moving on their own as you cross the room, every step making your pulse pound harder in your chest. her tattooed hand grazes your ass when you sit next to her, and your skin crawls out of nervousness when her hand doesn’t move, it just stays there.

billie doesn’t say anything at first. she just passes you the joint with her free hand, her fingers brushing yours deliberately and sending a jolt through you.

“take a hit,” she orders, her tone leaving no room for argument.

so you obey, inhaling deeply. the smoke burns your throat a little, but it’s soothing when the weed starts to take effect after a couple minutes pass.

you force yourself to keep it together, exhaling slowly as you take a few more hits of the joint. billie’s eyes don’t leave you the entire time, her usual smirk returning.

without much of a warning, she pulls you onto her lap with one swift movement, toying with the edge of your sweater as she teases the skin of your abdomen.

“such a good girl,” she murmurs, but there’s an edge to her voice, like she’s amused by how easy you are to control, how easy you are to get so worked up.

your breath hitches as her hand brushes against your thigh, her touch light but deliberate. you feel like you’re nearly overheating now, your skin tingling as she tickles the flesh of your back with her nails.

“you sure about this?” billie asks, her voice low, though her tone inquires if you’re going to back out— almost like she’s daring you to.

deep down, you didn’t really want to back out. she looked so good right now, and you were a high horny mess that desperately just needed some type of relief.

so you nod in agreement, your breath catching as her fingers trail up your arm now, and to your neck. billie doesn’t wait for a second confirmation from you— she doesn’t need to. instead, she closes the distance between the both of you, her lips brushing the corner of your jaw before pulling back just enough to meet your gaze again.

billie’s teasing you, and it only makes the pool in your panties even wetter as she messes with the string of your thong that pokes out from your low rise jeans.

“good,” she whispers, her smirk widening as she shifts closer, her intentions crystal clear as your high further sets in slowly.

the air feels thicker now, every second stretching out as you sink deeper into the haze of your high. billie’s presence is overwhelming, her sharp gaze fixed on you, unrelenting, and you hate the fact that she’s so good at eye contact. it’s like it has no affect on her, but for you, it flusters you like no other.

she tilts her head slightly, taking another slow drag from the joint before letting the smoke curl out between her lips. her smirk sharpens, cutting through the silence.

“you’re high?” she asks you, and she obviously is because of how red her eyes are, and because of how gentle her voice is. it’s still strong and seductive, her usual nature prominent, but laced with something sweet, something warm.

you nod slowly at her, your throat dry as you manage to murmur, “yeah.” the word comes out soft, barely audible, but you know she heard it. she smiled at you, her eyes never leaving yours as she closed her eyes for a second.

billie leans back against the headboard with her eyes shut, like she’s got all the time in the world to do whatever she wants. and she does, it’s all about her right now— but you don’t hate it. a part of you is subtly glad that you forgot the money.

you didn’t have a crush on billie, but what you did know is that she was fine as fuck, and that she was much nicer and more caring than all of your other dealers. she wasn’t just someone who sold you weed, she’d call you and check up on you, or invite you out to get together just for a smoke. you though the relations were a little too intimate just for business, but it never bothered you.

you watch as billie’s eyes flutter open, her thumb brushing small circles over your skin. “you look good like this….you’re so pretty.”

her voice is soft and alluring, making a gentle smile creep up onto your face as you press yourself against her chest. you can’t think of anything to say back, can’t focus on anything except the way her fingers linger on your leg. the haze of the high makes it harder to push back the nervous excitement thrumming through your chest, and the feeling of boldness hits you hard.

“you’re too quiet,” she mutters, her voice quieter than usual. her arms snake around your waist as she pulls you closer, her embrace making your skin tingle from the sensitivity that the weed brings. she’s so pretty— pink lips formed in a natural pout, her long eyelashes fluttering against her freckled cheeks— it’s so fucking hard not to kiss her.

you don’t say anything to her, mainly out of fear that you’ll say something stupid. your heart is pounding too loud, the mix of her touch and the high making everything feel like it’s way too much. billie cocks her head to the side at your silence, leaning in just enough for you to catch the faint scent of her woody perfume mingling with the smell of smoke.

“i wanna kiss you.” she murmurs honestly, her voice soft but commanding. it’s more like an order than an expression of her wants, and by the look on her face, she already knows you’ll do what she says.

before you can overthink it, her lips are on yours, firm and unrelenting. the kiss hits you like a spark to dry wood, lighting you up from the inside out. her arms travel from your back to your waist, one ring-clad hand coming up to hold your face. pulling you closer as her other hand slides up to your neck, billie’s fingers curl lightly around your jaw to tilt your face just the way she likes it.

she tastes like smoke and something sweet, and the contrast is dizzying. her lips move against yours with a rough kind of precision, like she’s in total control, like she’s been waiting for this. when her teeth graze your bottom lip, a soft gasp escapes you, and she smirks into the kiss, the curve of her mouth cocky and knowing.

“always been such a good listener,” she mutters against your lips, her voice low and dragged. you open your mouth to respond, but she doesn’t allow you to, her lips smashing back onto yours. it’s a little slower this time, more deliberate, like she’s savoring the moment. it’s all her high— the way she moves, touched you, it’s much more relaxed and gentle than usual, though her lips are unrelenting.

her fingers find themselves tangled in your hair, tugging just enough to make your breath hitch, and she takes advantage of it, deepening the kiss. all you can feel is her— her hands on you, her mouth moving against yours, her presence wrapping around you like a vice.

when she finally pulls back, her forehead rests against yours, her breath mingling with yours as you both catch up. her eyes flicker at you. there’s something different about them, they’re so much bigger and doe-like, and she whispers quietly to you, “i want you.”

“me?” you ask stupidly, but it’s a genuine question. sure, billie would flirt with you from time to time, but you didn’t expect her to be so bold about it. you could always tell when she was nervous because she’d beat around the bush or get really quiet, and this sudden confidence shocked you.

billie nods, “want you so bad, baby…i want you to touch me.”

the moment stretches between you, her breath warm against your skin, her forehead still pressed gently to yours. you can see every detail of her face, every freckle and every flicker of emotion in her eyes. they’re impossibly wide, soft now, like she’s peeled back something that’s always been unseen. her vulnerability leaves you with no words, and you’re not sure what to say, because this kind of thing was always so rare.

you swallow hard, your voice barely above a whisper as you manage to say, “okay.”

billie’s lips curve into the smallest smile, and before she can say anything, you close the gap, your lips brushing hers again. this time it’s softer, slower, like you’re both exploring the moment. her hands slide up to your neck, her fingers threading gently through your hair as she melts into you, her earlier confidence giving way to something more delicate.

when you finally pull back, her eyes stay closed for a moment, her lashes brushing her cheeks. you study her face, the way she looks almost shy now, and it makes your heart ache in the best way. you take a steadying breath, your fingers brushing her cheek, and you ask softly, “what do you want me to do, billie?”

her eyes flutter open at the question, and her lips part like she’s surprised you’d even ask. she hesitates for a beat, her gaze darting away before finding yours again. “just… be gentle,” she whispers, her voice barely audible, like she’s sharing a secret she’s never told anyone.

your chest tightens at the sincerity in her tone, the way her usual bravado has faded into something so unguarded. “always,” you promise softly, brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

the way you kiss her, it’s soft and telling, and so very sweet. you’re are quick as your hands travel to the hem of her tank top, kneading at her skin through the fabric as she falls victim to your touch.

you break the kiss, lips still lingering on hers as you ask her, pulling at the hem of her shirt, “can i…take this off?”

“yeah.” billie says in an obvious, bouncy tone, making the both of you giggle against each other as you kiss her again. it’s more intense this time, it’s hungry and vulnerable and messy when your lips part, allowing billie’s tongue to shyly intertwine with yours.

your fingers slip underneath her tank top and wrap themselves around her bare nipple, relishing in the pretty noises she makes as you do so. she pulls you closer to her out of desperation, little moans and whines escaping her lips as she clings to you like she needs you.

although it kills you to do so, you pull back from billie’s lips and give her calm, yet passive eyes. your high is at its peak now, your confidence grown as you grab the hem of billie’s tank, pulling it up and over her head in one swift motion.

you don’t talk, because there isn’t much to say. you just turn your head to kiss billie’s cheek, the little buds of affection traveling from her face to her neck, to her shoulders and tits, which makes her let out a satisfied moan. your hand comes up to toy with her right breast as your lips latch onto her left one, her hands finding themselves in your hair, showing you how good you make her feel.

“keep…going…please,” billie murmurs gently, a sigh of satisfaction hidden in her tone, “feels s’good, my god.”

you adhere to her request, and very well at that— your movements not ceasing as you look up at her, eyes red and intoxicating.

by the way she’s looking, tits out, head thrown back with sweet moans filling the silent space, it’s impossible for you not to cum right then and there. it feels so much more amplified than usual, your skin literally tingling with every moan that fills your ears.

you finally move lower and lower until your chin rests on the waistband of billie’s sweatpants, toying with them with your fingertips.

“this okay, bils?” you ask for confirmation, eyes flickering up at her, “i wanna take care of you…wanna tell you how sorry i am for forgetting my money.”

“s’okay, just fucking touch me already.” billie orders, her lips quirking into a small smile, but it’s not cocky or teasing—it’s real, like she’s ready for whatever you have to give.

you slide her sweatpants down with a swift motion, cold air channeling goosebumps all over the girls skin.

something clicks in you. you don’t know what, but it’s hungry and eager, and your impatience does nothing but grows, and grows quickly. so you pull billie’s navy blue panties to the side, exposing her pretty pink cunt, making your own grow even wetter, if at all possible.

“so pretty,” you coo, leaning closer to where your nose rests on her clit, “gonna make you feel so good, you know that? just sit and relax, i wanna give you a real good apology.”

she does nothing but nod, and you place two of your fingers in your mouth to lubricate them before placing them in billie’s pussy, the wetness coating your digits with ease as you curled your fingertips. you stop for a second, and when she gives you a look of confirmation— you can’t stop yourself. she looks so gorgeous in front of you, pussy swallowing your fingers whole as she bucked her hips into the air, “f-fuck…y/n! please…keep…k-keep going…”

“oh, billie…” you hum, fingers relentless as you thrust harder into her cunt, “see how sorry i am yet? i would say it won’t happen again…but i kind of like seeing you like this, you look so fuckin’ good. do you feel good, too? hm, baby?”

“mhm.” billie hums, eyes fixated on you as your tongue grazed her clit, making her gasp. your movements are slow, fingertips gently pressing against that sweet spot inside of her, her moans growing louder as her back lifted off of the covers.

you kissed her clit repeatedly, taking the bud in your mouth to suckle on it. your free hand rubs a sensitive spot on her thigh, making billie’s moans amplify as pleasure coursed through her body. and since getting her off makes you get off, your skin tingles as you moan into her pussy.

“doing….s’good, for….me….” you murmur in between pecks, “you gonna cum, bils? that’s all i want…just wanna make you feel good.”

“close.” are the only words that come out of her mouth, repeated like a broken record as you feel her tighten around you.

you’re a little dizzy from the high which makes the both of you giggle, breaking a little tense energy from everything, which makes you smile. billie’s laughs are immediately halted when your fingers quicken, the only sounds filling the air being wet and filthy, accompanied by the both of your moans.

“i’m— i’m right there…please! i’m gonna—!” billie yelps as you coo at her, little praises slipping past your lips as you feel her cunt flutter around your fingers. you don’t stop, you just slow down your movements linearly and kiss at her thighs, helping her through her release.

“such a good girl…bils,” you speak softly, “just showin’ you how sorry i am…”

she looks up at you, and for the first time, you see tears shining in her eyes. you’ve never seen her cry— and it’s a contrasting level of intimacy from the one before as she blinks them away quickly, shaking her head with a nervous laugh. “that was fuckin’…” she mutters, “so good.”

“well, i’m just giving back what you give me,” you say softly with a laugh, “for this free high.”

the air becomes thick with tension for a second. you rest your head on billie’s thigh and draw lazy circles on the skin as she finally speaks up, her hands finding themselves toying with your hair gently, “can i ask you something?”

“mhm.” you hum, eyes closing as you rest your idle hand against her thigh.

billie takes in a deep breath, “i know this was all supposed to be because you didn’t pay but…”

“but?”

she’s quiet now. you can tell she’s a little nervous, so you roll your neck to the side to look up at her, lips contorting into a shit-eating grin. confidence was oozing out of you, glossed over your eyes and shining through your skin, but you didn’t mind. you wanted her, you needed her, and that was the only thing fueling every statement that came out of your mouth.

“you wanna fuck me, don’t you?” you giggle, sitting up now, “s’okay, billie. just touch me, and consider it another payment for next time i buy.”

“god,” she mewls, her hands taking home on your waist as she pulled you underneath her, immediately unfastening the button on your jeans with a smirk, “couldn’t hide it much longer, princess….i need you so badly.”

“but what about the paym—“

“fuck the payment.” is all she says, practically ripping your jeans off as her eyes met with your lacy thong, making her smile in satisfaction. she immediately slides them off after appreciating their beauty, your pussy on display for her as she realizes that your inner thighs are completely coated in your slick.

“what’s got you worked up, mama?” she asks you, wasting absolutely no time as she presses two nimble fingers inside your cunt, disregarding the fact that she’s still got rings on, the cool metal making your skin tingle, “does fuckin’ your drug dealer turn you on? hm?”

as you find the words to respond, billie’s tongue finds its way inside your pussy, replacing the fingers that now rub tight circles along your clit. a loud gasp leaves your lips as your fists find themselves in billie’s sheets, pressure already building up in your abdomen as she fucks you with her fingers, hard.

“you better answer me, or i’ll stop.” she almost laughs at you, but you can tell she’s bluffing because she does nothing but thrust into you harder, making you bite your lip to fight your moans.

words never come no matter how hard you try, and billie rips away your pleasure so abruptly that it makes you whine slowly. but what makes your eyes go wide is when she stands up without saying anything, digging into her drawer like she’s looking for something.

it’s scary that you don’t know what until she turns around, gasping audibly when you see her strap in one hand, and a vibrator in the other.

you weren’t sure what had taken over her from the past hour that you and her were alone, but it wasn’t like you could back out now. you needed her bad, and plus, this was your ultimate payment, right?

“get up.” billie orders at you, doing her last adjustments on the strap before making her way back over to your lonesome spot on her bed, the fabric below you a little wet from where you sat. you wait until she lays down on the bed as she pulls you on top of her, wasting no time to have you sink onto the faux cock.

you winced at the sudden stretch, and billie hands you the pretty pink vibrator with soft doe eyes, “you okay? say the word and i’ll stop.”

and when you tell her that it’s fine, and that you’re okay, her nails dig into your hips, her other hand steadying the vibrator onto your clit as she turns it on.

your face contorts in pleasure as billie bids you a kiss to the forehead, your whole body shaking against hers as you place your arms on her thighs to steady your weight. your high plus the fullness of the strap makes you feel like you’re in a haze, eyes fluttering open and closed sporadically, bending at the roots due to how harsh you blink.

“feels good, huh?” billie giggles, slurring her words a little as her wrist flicks to find that sweet spot on your clit, the vibrator seesawing back and forth, the satisfaction summoning a warm feeling to blossom against your skin.

“so good.” you whine out, succumbing to billie’s touch as her hips rock into yours, your walls tightening around the strap. she grabs your chin and taps your cheek with her red-tinted fingernails, tutting at you, “tsk tsk, baby, look at me. you can do it, i know you can.”

you let out coos out pleasure when you force your eyes open, and billie smiles at your eagerness to satisfy her. she kisses you as a reward, bitting your lip to prompt a moan out of you before pressing a button on the toy slickly, its intensity rising as you gasp.

“fuck!” you seethe through gritted teeth, bubbles of pleasure erupting in your abdomen as you felt your skin grow hotter and hotter. billie squeezes your ass, flashing you a pretty white smile, though there’s nothing comforting about it. she talks to you like you’re pathetic for hardly holding out this long, needy and desperate as you fuck yourself against the strap.

“gonna cum for me already, baby? you look so desperate to, i know you wanna— just look at you.”

little ‘yes’s pass through your lips as your gasps get louder and louder, broken chunks of billie’s name echoing throughout her dim bedroom, your orgasm on the forefront of your mind as your hips sway against her with desperation.

“billie—“

“it’s okay, princess,” she coos at you, grabbing a fistful of your hair to pull you closer to her, lips littering against your shoulders, “cum for me baby, it’s alright, i’ve got you.”

at her command, a wave of pleasure washes over you, your arousal glistening against the strap as you whine, sensitivity spreading to every part of your body as you cum hard. billie’s thrusts slow exponentially with regard for how delicate you are. she cradles you like a precious thing, whispering sweet nothings to do about what a good girl you are, stroking your hair and kissing your cheeks intimately.

when the stars finally come down and your eyes can focus again, you lay against billie’s bare chest with your own, completely nude with her skin grazing yours. you don’t even remember getting cleaned up and slipping underneath the covers, but you try to focus on your breathing as billie’s hands find yours.

for a long moment, neither of you speak, the only sound the soft rhythm of your breaths evening out, matching each other’s. her fingers trail absentmindedly along your arm, tracing invisible shapes that send small shivers across your skin. you tilt your head to look at her, and her eyes meet yours, still soft and a little hazy, but clear enough to hold an expression you can’t quite decipher.

“you okay?” billie’s voice is quiet and she’s got a sparkle in her eyes, her usual cocky tone replaced with something gentler and a little more vulnerable.

you nod, brushing a hand lightly over her arm. “yeah… you?”

she hesitates, her fingers pausing mid-trace against your skin before she nods. “yeah,” she says softly, then bites her lip like she’s holding back something that strikes you as confidential.

you shift slightly, turning to face her more fully, kissing her shoulder before looking up at her, your voice quiet but insistent. “billie?”

her eyes flicker to yours, and for a moment, she looks nervous, like she’s trying to decide whether or not to say what’s on her mind. finally, she sighs, her fingers resuming their absent tracing on your arm.

“this… it’s not just business to me,” she admits, her voice barely above a whisper. “it never has been. you’re fucking beautiful, and so sweet…and i…”

she pauses for a second, and your heart skips at her words, and you reach out to brush a strand of loose hair away from her face.

“it’s not just…business to me either,” you say softly, your voice steady despite the way your chest feels like it’s about to burst. “you mean more to me than that, billie. i just didn’t say anything…”

billie lets out a soft, disbelieving laugh, shaking her head. “you kept this shit a secret for this long?” she mutters, her cheeks flushing. “i know i have too, but you always seemed more confrontational than i am.”

you look at her, your thumb brushing lightly over her cheek as your eyebrows raise, “me? confront you? today i forgot my money and i thought you were gonna fuckin’ shoot me, not fuck me. i didn’t know you even saw me in that way.”

her eyes search yours, and for a moment, she looks like she doesn’t quite believe you. she always thought you would say something first if any feelings arise, and that’s what kept her quiet. but then her lips twitch into a small, genuine smile, one that makes your lips mimic hers, and she runs her thumb over your cheek. she then leans in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling back to look at you again. “i don’t want this to be a one-time thing,” she says quietly, her voice trembling slightly. “i want you. not just for tonight, not just for… deals. i want all of you.”

your chest swells at her confession, and you reach out to take her hand, lacing your fingers with hers with a smile. “you have me. i don’t want anyone else but you.”

her breath hitches, and for a moment, she looks like she might cry, but she blinks it away, squeezing your hand tightly. “good,” she whispers, her voice so soft it’s almost lost in the stillness of the room.

you smile, leaning in to kiss her softly, letting the moment linger as a comfortable silence falls over the both of you like a blanket. you giggle against her chest, and she gives you an inquisitive look as you glance up at her,

“so…do i get free shit now?”

send me an ask to be added to my taglist!

taglist: @vharperr | @47lake

[louisoffline]

FINALLY FINISHED THE REF SHEET PLUS OTHER DRAWINGS YAAYYY okay so i had the ref sheet done basically two days ago BUT i wanted to draw some more because my ref sheets look so......just stand there kinda scary so MORE ART !!! also skip if you are seeing this when i say our mcs twin bro......we are so mind connected with the skeleton sweaters my lord when i logged on and saw that both step 2 designs had them..........my goodness..i think we might just be the same person....

I want to try and flesh out relationships and dynamics more i think thats something i kind of struggle with with ocs so..that is what the rest of this post will be backstory, character traits, etc etc if you chose to read i will love you forever

Step 1: Gosh...I love making characters really reeaaallllyyy awkward and that's exactly what Lenae is. Her awkwardness is really just stemming from anxiety or nervousness. Qiu and her's dynamic is so sweet to me I love characters being to nervous to say things and then another saysit for them omg im weak yeah thats so them. Lenae and Tam on the other hand....it's not like Lenae doesn't liker her she knows she means well and is extremely sweet but Lenae just can't understand why she is so loud and energetic all the time, she finds it hard to keep up. She IS the sweetest kid you would ever come across though, she will do anything to see you smile. Her earmuffs are a constant, everyone else may think it's just a comfort thing but it is in fact a noise thing we just don't know that yet guys(undiagnosed autism is craayyy)

Step 2: Still being that same shy, sweet kid while looking emo AND TRANSGENDER?? not for the weak. Still shy and reserved maybe even more so but no one really expects anything else. I think meek is a very good descriptor, they get freaked so so easily like has never had a peaceful day in their life. However, Halloween IS their favorite time of the year, it's an aesthetics thing i guess. If you pass by Lenae in the halls you would probably think that they were on their last few threads of patience by the sour look on their face but no, they could be having the best day of their life with that face on. They found it tiring to keep that placid smile on their face all the time when it wasn't always real. In this stage Lenae has definitely started expierimenting with different art mediums like dabbling in painting, poetry, music, you name it. Qiu and Lenae are still the bestest friends ever(bestest crushes ever???) and it's actually kind of nice to have someone by your side who knows what you're going through with your gender identity struggle and everything. Lenae for sure feels bad for how they treated Tam just because they thought she was a little much, I mean it was kind of hypocritical, so they've been trying to make it up to her by being kind of everyly nice?? oh boy oh boy

Step 3: I really don't know a lot of what I could write for step 3 since like nothing of it is out in the actual game SO were just gonna go like personality kind of wise y'know? I think they've definitely mellowed out AT LEAST A LITTLE...like omg guys they can sometimes order for themselves at restaurants!! They're very opinionated and has a strong stance on what they believe but like not in a mean way they just don't understand why others would think differently. Building on their creative abilities, they probably have plans to go to a college for art or fashion. Or maybe they'll start their own business who knows! It's okay to not have everything planned out anymore, some spontaneity is welcome in their life. Now that they've finally been able to be more open, mainly around friends, they'll say something a little too...unsettling or freaky??? to be normal, it's a little weird to get used to oopsies

AND THATS ALL if you read all of this i appreciate you becasue this has been drafted up on my computer screen for multiple days I just did not know what to say siigghhh yeah i love this kid and I hope you guys do too teehee

[crow-raven-crow]

could i maybe request an enemies to lover between larissa and an 18+ student ?

the plot is up to you :)

𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐚

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 - [𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰]

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

Larissa Weems x Young Professor f!reader words: ~4.5k specific warnings/content: FLUFF, slight nsfw

summary: see above

masterlist

AO3 link in title ✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

a/n: ok so i did change this a little bit to young professor because i can't really imagine Larissa being with a student of her school, so i hope thats okay. Otherwise ! the creative liberty was so freeing. I hope yall like the concept - i was really excited for this one

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

This weeks potion for your class was definately taking a toll on you - you sat in your office staring at your email as the moonlight shined on your skin, doing nothing to help the chill that filled the room. It had gotten late but you took the hours of sweet, quiet sanctuary to work ahead and save yourself some time later on. The blue glow of your computer screen casted a bright gleam on your face and illuminated the corner of your dark, empty classroom, forcing your mind onto the sight of how late it had gotten.

The Potion of True Intentions was one that could be helpful in one hand and dangerous in another. It was a potion that could reveal multiple truths about someones actions, even make them unable to lie in higher potencies - taking away the mask they put on in day to day life and revealing anything and everything that stood behind it. It was part of the curriculum, so, regardless of who your students were, it had to be taught. You had spent the last hour trying to wrap your head around how you would teach this, who exactly you would use for an example.

The thought was risky, especially with teenagers, especially with teenage outcasts. One could reveal their undying love for another while someone else might confess to attempted murder - a certain raven haired girl slipped into your mind and the thought alone making the possibilities shocking. There were so many twists and turns that could come up that you pinched the bridge of your nose as you groaned out in frustration.

You flew back to rest fully against your desk chair as you blankly stared at the already typed email on your screen. Dread filled you at the thought of sending this email, at the thought of sending this email to her.

Your relationship with Larissa Weems, the principal, your boss, was nothing less than complicated. You thought all had gone well when you were swiftly hired just months ago, being met with a kind smile and what you thought was genuine banter from the woman as she gave you a tour, as she walked you through the halls and to the quarters you would be moving into, all with her arm brushing against yours, all with her hand meeting the small of your back, all with reassurance and a light blush and a beautiful laugh that you still wished to hear ring in your ears..

That is, if you didn't grow to hate the woman.

It was more like a strong dislike but it was so close to hate that it was the word that made the most sense. But hate was dreadful, hate was all consuming, hate was confusing, full of longing, full of.. care? Full of lust?

You just hated that she hated you, so you always tried to give her no reason to.

Surely, no.. this was a different kind of hate than what you have been met with before. But you still couldn't help the feeling that climbed deep into your chest and settled itself there, like a fire - warm and anxiety induced, jittery and build on.. need? It riled you up and curled your hands into fists whenever she challenged you, but the willpower you had, the need to not back down always shot you farther than you always intended.

This would be an interesting class..

You let out a deep sigh as you steadied yourself to rest your hands back on your keyboard, your oversized sweater falling off one of your shoulders as you scanned over your words for any errors, but, with the way she treated you, there was no doubt you had to spice it up a little.. You always sent every email with the hope of making her seethe and her jaw clench at how absolutely perfect you could be, at how absolutely perfect you could be for her.

You were one of the youngest among the staff, but that didn't stop you from being heavily qualified and experienced - something that she seemed to absolutely pick at whenever possible.

Good Afternoon, Larissa.

I hope your evening has gone well so far. I have a request for you that I think aligns with our values of safety and education within the walls of Nevermore.

The potion that I am teaching to my students tomorrow can be potentially dangerous if ended up in the wrong hands - the Potion of True Intention. I'm sure you're well aware of what this can do, so I've gone ahead and told them that I would be the only one creating a batch of this particular potion - though, this may not stop them from creating one of their own.

If you're available, could you please attend my mid-day class tomorrow as an extra set of eyes? Your presence will surely make the lot feel safer and bring more authority into my statement to prevent them from making their own with ill intentions while also letting them be able to put their whole focus on taking in the information and learning about such a beautiful potion.

Maybe you could learn a thing or two as well

-Professor Y/N

Your body immediately relaxed as you clicked send, a large weight falling from your shoulders as a deep sigh left your lungs. Though, a wild smirk rose onto your features at what you could do tomorrow in her presence, about who you could use as an example if she were to show.

Your heart laughed in mischief at the endless possibilities - oh, what a show it would be to see how much she truly hates you, to see her try and hold back every comment, every action as her teeth grind together in anger and her hands turn to fists at her sides.

The familiar 'ding' of a message popping into your inbox filled the room. You don't even have to look at it to know it was her - sure, it was late, but you knew the woman would still be up.

You adjusted in your seat as you moved your mouse to click on the email. You read over her words, your blood boiling a bit at the small email, but it didn't matter as your lungs filled with satisfaction at her reply.

Professor Y/N,

I'll make sure to be there - Be sure not to start without me.

L. Weems

~~

You propped the classroom door open as the bell signaling the end of lunch rang, knowing that students would filter in slowly as you gathered all the ingredients you needed at the front of the room. You were nearly buzzing with excitement at what was to come, spending most of the morning making sure everything would go perfectly.

This was one of the few times you knew Larissa would be in your classroom while you were teaching, other than teacher evaluations and any other potion you deemed more dangerous than others. It made you slightly anxious as well.. She was still your boss, at the end of the day. This would be a way to prove yourself as a professor and gather some insight on the woman who did a complete 180 on you.

You grabbed the final bowl with a gentle touch, knowing that it was the main piece of the rather tedious puzzle you were about to build.

~~

Early this morning, you wandered into the greenhouse, Marilyn Thornhill's domain. You loved stopping by and seeing what she had in store. You often worked together to grow the flora and fauna within the academy - you taking care of and helping her research more plants while she grew anything you needed for future lessons. It had jumpstarted a kind friendship between you two, especially since you both were on the newer side.

You were in search for a very specific flower as your eyes filtered over the dozens upon dozens of plants that were held on shelves and hung from the ceiling. You loved how she made the greenhouse something of her own - there was no doubt so much of her personality within every aspect.

She came into view after seeing you from her office window, your confused and slightly overwhelmed expression making the redhead chuckle to herself before standing.

"Was there something specific you were looking for today, Y/n?" Her voice had startled you a bit, her office being slightly hidden by some of the bigger plants, but her warm aura always settled your nerves. You let out a sigh as you waved at her to come closer.

"I know I didn't ask for any, but I was hoping you had some Browallia Speciosa flowers.." Your eyes didn't stop scanning the room, hoping she had the blue version of the flower and not only its violet or white form. "I have a special guest coming to class today.. and the blue hues of the flower remind me of her eyes. Do you have any, by chance?"

You finally looked over at the woman only for more confusion to come up to your features. There was a knowing look on her face, like there was something you didn't quite know, something that she didn't plan to tell you - it peaked a big wave of curiosity to course through you, though you decided against mentioning anything of it.

"I'm pretty sure that there's sommmee…" She dragged out the word as she walked towards one of her far walls. You watched her struggle on her tippy toes for a few moments before finally grabbing a large vase off one of the shelves. "…here!"

A smile rose to your face as you saw how proud she was at her small victory. She brought the vase to one of the desks as she went to grab some sheers. "Take as many as you need. They seem to be blooming perfectly at this time of year. What potion are you working on today?"

She handed you the sheers with a soft touch then watched how carefully you started to cut the flowers away - she always seemed so interested in your work, and it was something you heavily appreciated. "The Potion of True Intention.. I figured out who I would use as an example late last night, so I didn't have enough time to wait for another type to grow."

You handed her the sheers and placed the flowers in the bowl. "You always seems to be a lifesaver when it comes to this, so I wasn't surprised to see that you had some, though hidden.. Thank you."

You offered her a kind smile before watching her put everything away. When she was back to you, she walked you to her classroom door. "Who are you using as an example? I'm very curious to hear about everything, I'm not gonna lie."

You turned around to face her completely, a mischievous smirk rising onto your face. "Larissa Weems."

Her expression turned into shock before converting into a wide smile. She knew about your.. let's say, distaste for her best friends hatred towards you. She, however, would knew both sides, but told nothing to the other person - something you heavily appreciated as you trusted the redhead. It had shocked her at how bold you were being, and she said she would come by when the lesson was done to hear about everything.

~~

You placed the bowl down next to your other materials before looking up towards your students, immediately watching them calm down and settle under your gaze. You threw them all a gentle smile as you ran your fingers along the edge of your cauldron. They always seemed to love potion days the most - always so focused as they hung onto every word, taking in the information with ease - so you were glad that your teaching style called for a lot of them.

"Alright, everyone.. Let's do this." You took a deep breath as you clapped your hands together. "Good afternoon!!"

"Good afternoon!!!" You watched as their faces lit up along with yours, laughter echoing through the room after their booming response. "How lovely. Seems everyone's excited for today, yes?"

The energy of your students after a lunch break was always something that was hit or miss when it came to taming it, but you grew to use it to your advantage and have them feel really engaged with the material - ensuring that their knowledge was growing instead of having information constantly just thrown at them. Small conversations died down, once again, as you took an inhale to speak. The words, however, died on your tongue when you noticed a flash of white by the door.

"I hope I'm not late! Hello, everyone," She said with a smile. She wore a cream colored dress and gold jewelry, making her signature red lip pop more than it usually did. Something about her presence today made the air get pulled from your chest as you gripped the side of the cauldron. Her piercing blues landed on your form and soaked you in from head to toe. If you weren't so focused on reining in your own emotions, you would've noticed the faint blush fill her features as her posture wavered.

Your dress complimented your features very well - the sleeves ran long but still showed your collarbones, long enough to pronounce your height but short enough for your calves to be visible. The dark colors of the outfit along with your make up and silver accessories really fed into the notion that you would know you entered a potions room, just at the glance in your direction.

You made sure to put a little more effort into your appearance whenever you knew you'd be around Larissa. You always wanted to look good for the woman, your looks always adding to your confidence. There was a part of you that still craved her validation, though, she never gave it to you. There was always a small victory raining inside you whenever you were able to make her falter, to make her breath pause, for her breath to hitch with your presence alone..

You wondered just how far she would let you go..

"You're not late at all - don't worry!" You threw a sickly sweet smile at her, your head tilting to the side slightly. "We've actually just started. Okay, everyone.. so.." You turned back to face your students, feeling her presence shift and come close right after. "I asked Principal Weems to be here today because, like I said before, this potion can be used in multiple ways - even in the dangerous sense. Though I'm using it in a light hearted matter, I'm required to really teach about it's history and uses.. which is why I hid nothing from you all. I wanted her here to really press the matter of it's danger and because I thought another set of eyes would help settle you. Understood?"

Your eyes fluttered around the room to meet all directions, being met with some saying a small 'yes' and others nodding their heads.

"Good.. Who can tell me what today's potion is just by looking at the ingredients that I have up here?"

Many of their hands shot up and a sense of pride filled your chest. You knew this was from your teaching alone, but you couldn't help and love how they were all behaving with Larissa there - really pushing the fact that you were genuinely good at your job and making her see it for herself, even if you were younger.

You gestured to a student in the front row. "The potion of True Intention."

"Yes, good! And what does it do?"

"It can reveal one of many things, depending on what the brewer wants to know. While making the potion, you have to put your own intentions into it - asking questions or giving demands on what you want to know from your person."

The next ten minutes continued on like that - you asking your students questions and them all ready to answer. You gave more of the history and reminded them of some of the uses of the potion before calling two helpers to pull the curtains to cover the large windows that consisted of one of the classroom walls. You took your lighter and lit three blue candles and placed them on opposite sides of the cauldron, lighting up the sides and front with a golden oranger glow.

"You want the colors of the flowers and candles to be around the same. When you light your candles, you want to already be thinking about your intensions. A good potion always comes from a clear mind." You placed the lighter down and took one of the flowers from your bowl. "You want to use a flower or plant that you think can link back to them, capturing their personality or looks within the nature. We're lucky enough to be growing some Browallia Speciosa - a flower that links to spiritual wisdom and clarity."

You walked around and placed the bowl in front of a student in the first row, urging them to grab one and pass it down. As you walked back to the bubbling liquid, you held the flower in front of Larissa so she could see it, then moved it into the light. "I got the blue ones because the color reminds me of a certain guest that we have here today."

You peaked a glance to your side and saw her shocked expression, making a wild smirk form on your lips. You placed it down for a moment before saying your next words, then grabbed a paper and started to tear it to ensure only a name would be thrown into the mixture.

"If you have a belonging from the person, whether it be hair, their handwriting, a photograph, just to name a few, you want to throw that in. If you don't, then you can write the persons first and last name on a sheet of people and throw it in. If you have both, do the name after the item - it's preferred if you do to have a clearer potion."

You looked down to see that you had successfully isolated Larissa's signature off of the permission slip you submitted to teach this potion - killing tow birds with one stone as you threw it into the starts of the potion.

"Take your flower and dip the petals into the mix gently, pulling them out and letting any excess drip off until it stops. Once it's not soaked anymore, lift the flower in front of you and slowly start to pull off each petal, dropping it into the cauldron while you whisper your intentions over and over until none are left. Once all petals are in, put the stem in gently while saying.." You leaned closer to the bubbling liquid, seeing that it has already grown thicker than the start. "'The truth shall show itself, as it seems to time and time again..'"

The potion was accepted and made correctly, a light blue smoke emitting from its sides and flowing down to the floor. You watched the smoke swirl with the flames before taking a glance over to Larissa. She seemed so invested in your lesson - her eyes were glued to your work as she absorbed every word and action that came from you. The smoke put out each flame with a harsh breeze, the classroom becoming completely black before the potion glowed a light blue, illuminating the room with it's success.

You asked the students to open the blinds back up as you bottled up a small amount of the mix. "Now, you can put this potion in food or drinks, create it into a spray, or keep it as an oil. As long as it's absorbed, whether it through the skin or with digestion or smell, it should work."

You shook it slightly before you twisted the lid off and squeezed the top of it, moving some of the oil into the dropper before presenting it to Larissa. You held it out to her, one hand staying underneath it to prevent any spilling, silently asking for permission.

She seemed uneasy at first, but, in the end, moved closer to you to allow it. You put a few drops onto your fingers then smeared the liquid between your fingertips. You set the dropper down before starting to apply it along some of her pulse points, your fingers grabbing her wrists in a gentle hold as you applied some there, then moved your fingers up and placed some along her neck.

The close contact and gentle touch seemed to make Larissa flustered, but you couldn't help but think she was fuming behind the mask of it all. You gave her a smile, and she rolled her eyes subtly. You took a few steps back, afterwards, and took in her form.

Her breathing picked up slightly and her eyes scattered around the room, being sure to land on anything other than you. You tilted your head to the side in mock curiosity as finally she faced you. You saw her jaw clench before her throat bobbed in a harsh swallow.

The students seemed to be on the edge of their seats - the room growing quiet enough that you were sure you could hear a pin drop. It looked like she was struggling to keep herself from saying something, the words nearly being forced out before the ring of the bell filled the room.

You were cruel, but not as cruel as her.

You had planned it to go this way. This was still your job, and you weren't going to risk it or your professionalism by forcing the woman to put herself this far out there.

Your students groaned and complained as they threw their items into their bags and got up to leave the room. "I'll be sure to let you all know what happened!" You said before closing the door behind the last student.

"I know you hate me.." You stated, breaking the silence. "I wanted to know why and how much.. But I wasn't going to risk anything and have your image be tainted in front of the students. I hope you understand.. because I-"

Just as you turned around, you were pinned back against the very door you just closed, firm hands meeting your hips as hot breath tickled the side of your neck. Your breath had been forced out of your lungs at the impact, your face flushed as you finally acknowledged exactly what was happening. Her perfume was intoxicating as it met your lungs, the smell causing your heart to flutter, and her touch was so warm.. so easy to melt into, so easy to crave..

"I don't hate you, Y/n…" Her voice was low as it ghosted along your ear. You couldn't help but be confused at her words, but, before you were able to say something, her voice cut you off. "It's quite the opposite, really.. I just couldn't accept how easy it was to be myself around you, to get lost in the time, how easy it was for me to fall for you.."

Your breath hitched as one of her hands took hold of your chin, forcing your eyes up to hers. She took in your expression and it seemed to be one she approved of, her eyes fluttering down to your lips before she pressed into you more.

"But, it seems, I no longer have the willpower to hide my desire now.. do I?"

Her lips ghosted along your own, you gripped the fabric at her strong shoulders. Your eyes fluttered shut as you leaned forwards, only to open when her lips didn't meet your own. A lustful smirk graced her features as her eyes darkened. "And it seems I'm not the only one.."

She crashed her lips into yours after her words, a whimper leaving your throat at the desperation and need found within it. Her hands wandered your torso before bringing one of your legs up to her waist. Her leg slid into the space and pressed firmly against your core. A deep moan left your chest at the contact, and she took the opportunity to explore your mouth.

Her tongue danced with yours, swallowing each of your whimpers and moans for her only. She broke the kiss, pulling your bottom lip between her teeth while doing so. The desire found within your own eyes seemed to surge her forward - she was reeling in how absolutely delicious you looked. Her lips traced down your jaw before moving down to your neck. She licked along your pulse point, causing a satisfied hum to leave your throat before sucking a dark, purple mark onto the skin.

The action sent a shiver down your spine as you melted into her touch. She kissed along the canvas of your skin, biting down at the junction of where your neck and shoulder met, pulling a gasp out of you.

Just after the sound, a loud knock was heard against the wood behind you. You both froze before softly breaking away from each other. She stood right behind you as you opened the door back up, a deep blush still apparent on your features as you calmed down slightly, as your eyes landed on Marilyn.

"How did it go! What ended up happening?" She said the words as you were opening the door, a small gasp leaving her as she noticed that you were not alone. Her eyes took in both of your forms, gaze moving between you both before her eyes widened as she noticed the new mark along your neck. "You know !! I-I actually forgot something!! I'll come back later, you know??"

She quickly shuffled down the hall and out of view before you closed the door at her loss of presence. You turned around to meet a heavily flustered and smiling principal, the sight of her and the situation making a loud laugh leave you, her following in your foot steps.

You walked up to her and wrapped your arms around her shoulders, pulling her close to enjoy her warmth. "Y/n.. I suppose, we should talk about this, hmm?"

Her arms wrapped around your waist, and you couldn't help but notice how well your bodies fit with each other. Her smile reflected your own as you finally understood some of the truth behind her actions. You spoke with butterflies in your chest, a newfound clarity filling your being."I suppose we should.."

"I was thinking tonight. Over dinner, if you'd like?"

You loved the hope that filled her eyes, a new sparkle settling there as she looked back at you. You giggled at her forwardness, something you never would've thought you would see in such a kind light. You nodded as you gave her your answer, relaxing in the comfortable energy that coursed through you both.

Seems you were right about your feelings.. Hate always seems to linger close to love, after all..

~~

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

𝐚/𝐧: AHHHHHH IM ALIVVVVEEE!!

COLLEGE IS KICKING MY ASS LOW KEY!!!

it's fine though because that's important - it's just taking up much more of my time than I thought it would, especially now that im working again.

BUTTTT!!

i hope you liked this because i've literally been thinking about it for DAYS. I wanted to write so bad but i was flooded with assignments this week. it was so fun to write whenever i had the chance and just clear my mind from anything else. this is why i love writing

ty for the submission ! my reqs are currently on pause ! you can read more about it here but I'm going to be working on what i have before starting anything new

i also changed my pfp - sorry if you recognized me by my picture but i do be making a new one every now and then

~ 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐯𝐲𝐧

���･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: (tagged anyone who asked/wanted to be on the "all works" taglist)

@eveymay @weemssapphic @readingtheentrails @finnja555 @barbarasstar @s-crambledegggs @vendocrap8008 @gwendolinechristieiscute @lilfartbox1

✧･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧ :══════⊹⊹══════: ✧･ﾟ｡˚☾.･✧

[fivestar-outlaw]

New Horizons (Park Seonghwa) (Epilogue)

Epilogue

Pairing: Park Seonghwa x Fem!Reader

Words: 7.0k+

Warning(s): Mentions of reader being anxious/having anxiety, some swears, drinking, i think thats it.

SMUT (18+) WARNINGS: Multiple orgasms, oral (F receiving)/ face sitting, slight cockwarming, birthcontrol used, No condom use, PiV penetration, cowgirl yeehaw

A/N: Fucking- Finally finished the epilog. Grad school is slowly but surely killing me rn. I only had time to write this during the undergrad class im taking for credits iubgouoren. I hope yall enjoy.

Reader is implied to be living in the US bc uh TIMEZONES ARE FUCKY and i didnt realize how reliant i was on mine (PST) when looking up KST

English dialogue is italicized, Korean dialogue is not

Summary: Attempting an all-nighter while playing Animal Crossing alongside your bias, you didn't expect your turnip prices to be such a high amount... nor did you expect Park Seonghwa to actually accept your offer to sell his turnips on your island.

Series Masterlist | Navigation

You sat at your desk, phone set up for a video call with Seonghwa. You felt nervous. Tomorrow is your graduation, where you'll finally be done with this aspect of your life and will be moving onto the next step. Despite the distance, you and Seonghwa were as close as ever. You both missed each other dearly but talked as frequently as possible. 

You were a little sad that he and the rest of Ateez couldn't make it to your graduation, but you understood why. You didn't have much hope when you told Hongjoong the date and he told you he'd ask if they could. You tried to tell him not to ask since you knew they would be busy with an upcoming comeback, but he insisted he'd try. He talked to you the next night saying they had a packed schedule for that week and couldn't. You figured as much but it still made you a little sad.

You hear the tone for the video call and you quickly answer it with a smile. You see Hwa sitting there, but not in his room. You couldn't quite figure out where he was. He seemed to be wearing a loose sweater and a pair of glasses frames.

"Hello, jagiya." Seonghwa smiled sweetly, he seemed tired.

"Hello, love." You respond. "How are you? You seem a little tired."

"The week has been busy."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Are you currently at a schedule?" You tilt your head. You see him look off to the side. You can see that he seems to be hiding something, but you figure it was because he couldn't talk about anything specific related to any of the filmed comeback videos.

"Yeah, we are staying at a hotel. We are going to start filming soon." He sighs. "It was a last minute decision since filming took longer than expected yesterday. I wish I could tell you everything that went wrong but I can't."

"I'm sure it'll go better today, love."

 "Thank you, jagiya. But enough about me, jagiya, how are you? Are you excited for tomorrow?"

"A mix of excited and nervous. Excited to have my degree... nervous for whatever comes next. Nervous about walking across that stage to get that empty diploma case and not having a solid next thing waiting for me." You press your lips together and glance over to your cap and gown hanging in your open closet. The whole ordeal almost seems daunting now. "I've applied for jobs in my field but I haven't heard anything back... I doubt any will get back to me when I am fresh out of university."

"I wish I was there with you, (Y/N)." He looked into the camera with a concerned expression. "You'll exceed at whatever you do. I know you will. You are smart and very determined."

"It's probably just all the nerves." You chuckle weakly.

"Just know myself and the others are cheering for you, even if we can't be there. Which, we are still sorry for by the way."

"Don't worry about it. I'll have my family film my walk across the stage and we will take lots of pictures to send to you all."

"We look forward to it." He smiles. You hear a door opening and what you believe to be Hongjoong's voice. You couldn't make out what he said but you saw Seonghwa nod before hearing the door close. "Sorry, (Y/N), I have to go. We need to get ready for filming today."

"Don't apologize, love. You got this. I'm sure you will do great." You smile and you can just tell some of the stress he was feeling dissipate. 

"I love you, jagiya." He says softly.

"I love you too." There is some hesitancy to hang up but you bit the bullet and pressed the little red button on the call. You sigh, but feel lighter. It was like talking to Hwa helped calm your worries.

---

You stood with your family for a moment before you needed to join the rest of the graduating students. You stood with them in your cap and gown and a nice outfit underneath. You couldn't help but wring your hands together. You weren't necessarily nervous, but you did feel a little anxious from the excitement now. You felt you childhood best friend place their hand on your shoulder and they give you a calm smile.

"It's going to be fine, (Y/N)." They gently squeezed your shoulder. "I doubt you'll trip, so don't worry."

"Well I wasn't worried about tripping until now." You groan. "I'm not nervous. I just... can't stay still."

"Oh (Y/N), it's okay to be nervous." Your mother coos, rubbing small circles into your upper back. "Just think about the surprise we have planned for you."

"Surprise?"

"Hun, you weren't suppose to mention that." Your father chuckles. 

"I thought I told you all I needed was just a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant." You say softly. "I hope you didn't spend too much-"

"Don't worry about it. We wanted to get you something for such a big day." Your father grinned. You were going to argue back but heard the call for graduating students to start getting in place for the ceremony.

"Make sure to film my walk please!" You said and they nodded. Your family and your best friend gives you one last hug before you go to where you were supposed to, while they went off to grab seats.

You take a deep breath as you find your spot in line with the rest of your majors getting the same degree level as you and your roommate, who also was graduating alongside you. You smiled at some of your classmates you were friendly with and chatted with them. You were given a slip of paper with your name on it by one of your professors and you were left to wait for the ceremony to start. 

You felt your phone buzz under your gown. You were glad you picked something to wear underneath with pockets. You manage to get your phone out and you smile. All of Ateez were wishing you well and saying their congrats. San even sent a selfie of them all together, which they said was taken after they finished filming. You were glad they messaged you and made sure to tell them to get some rest since it was around 6am for them.

The line you were in started moving so you quickly put your phone away and started walking with your line. You can hear lots of chatter from other graduating students and could hear the chatter from people in the stands. You and the others stood still until you heard one of the deans call you guys to enter. You hear the crowd cheer as the graduating class enters the area. You tried to pinpoint your family and your best friend but had no luck finding them in the sea of people. You take your seat and wait for the rest of the graduate students to also take their seats as the stereotypical graduation march song plays.

The song ended when everyone was finished sitting down. Next were speeches by the college president, a provosts, and a dean whom you never personally interacted with, and then two professors spoke; one is the chair of your major which made you smile. Next were student speeches, neither person you recognized.

You gulp, watching as the rows ahead of you go up one by one as they were instructed by a professor to do so. There was the constant noise of clapping with each name, followed by a few people loudly cheering for whoever just got called. You clapped along as well, watching each person receive their diploma case from the college president and walk to the side to get their picture taken professionally.

Next thing you knew the people in your row started to stand. You quickly got to your feet and follow along to the stage. You wait, taking small steps as person by person hands over their name slip and walk the stage. You were getting closer and closer to the speakers stand.

Then, it's your turn.

You made conscious steps to the speaker, not wanting to trip. You hand them your name card and wait as the person ahead finished crossing the stage. The speaker smiled and read your name into the microphone. You start walking across stage to the president as the crowd clapped.

You hear loud cheers coming from the stand on the other side of the stage, more than what you were expecting from the three people there seeing you graduate. You finally see your parents and your best friend up on their feet, your dad and friend shouting loudly. But in the row in front of them, you see eight figures also on their feet shouting as loud as they can. Immediately you can tell it is Ateez. Even with face masks, different hats, and inconspicuous clothes, you could tell they were your boys. Plus, you can easily tell Wooyoung and Mingi's voices as they were the loudest and most distinct.

A large smile broke out on your face as you kept your tears at bay. You walked the stage with your head held high. You shook hands with the college president and took hold of the diploma case. You walked to the end of the stage and carefully took the steps down. You got your picture taken and you started walking back to your seat.

You look up at the stand when you heard your name shouted repeatedly by Wooyoung, San, and Seonghwa. Each member of Ateez waved as you walked by and you made sure to wave back. You felt pure happiness in the moment.

---

When the ceremony ended and all the graduates exited the way they walked in, you immediately started making your way outside. Your parents texted saying they were waiting for you by the large oak tree. You weave your way through the sea of students and their families as fast as you could. You could see the top of the tree but you knew the trunk was still some distance away from where the ceremony was held. 

You finally breach the crowd and see your parents, your best friend, and Ateez, along with their manager. They spotted you and called your name. You immediately quickened your pace.

Wooyoung held out his arms for a hug but you passed him and immediately clung to Seonghwa. The tears you held back immediately fell as you hugged him.

"Y-You're here! I can't believe you're here! Hongjoong said you guys were busy. You said you-" You rapidly spoke.

"Slow down, jagiya." Seonghwa chuckles. He held you tightly and rubbed your back. 

"Sorry, my love." You sniffle and look to his face. Despite the black mask covering his nose down to his jaw, you can tell he has a big grin on his face. He moves a step back from you, resting his hands on your jaw. The pads of his thumbs swipe away your tears gently. "I'm so happy to see you in person again."

"I'm happy too." He carefully guided you to turn around so he could move back in front of you, his back to the crowd. He pulls down his mask and leans in, his soft lips meet yours in a loving kiss. You couldn't help but smile against his lips as it felt like world around each of you melted away. You both slowly pulled away but kept your faces close. "Congratulations. I am so proud of you, (Y/N)." He whispers and kisses each cheek, making you giggled. 

"Congratulations, (Y/N)!" Wooyoung broke the moment of peace between you both as he pulled you into a big hug. You tilt your head back and laugh, all while there rest of Ateez swarmed you for their own hugs. Your face ached from how much you were smiling.

"Seonghwa contacted us a week after you had us do that video call with him." Your mother started to explain. You remember that day well, feeling nervous for your parents to meet your long distance, idol boyfriend. But they immediately loved him and exchanged contact information; mostly just in case you got in an emergency so they could inform him. Subsequently, of course, your parents met the rest of Ateez. "They wanted to surprise you and here they are."

"Sorry I lied to you, (Y/N)." Hongjoong laughed, his smile telling you he was anything but apologetic. "Yuhno suggested the idea of it being a surprise when I ran into him before I talked it over with our company. So really, blame him."

"Hey, you could of said no, Joong-hyung." Yuhno playfully glared then set his sights on Seonghwa. "Didn't you initiate the call with her parents?"

"Yes, but Sannie and Woo also sat in on the call too." Seonghwa shot back. The group delved into a big, non-serious argument of who is to blame for the lies. You shook your head with a chuckle and went to your parents.

"Thank you for arranging this." You hug them both tightly.

"Of course, (Y/N). We could see how happy you were when we met him and how yourself you were with the rest of the group, so we knew we had to put this together for you somehow." Your father had a big smile on his face, you could see tears in his eyes. "Oh, my child is all grown up..."

"I've been grown up, dad. Don't cry, you're going to make me cry again." You chuckle, feeling that sting of tears again in your eyes. You feel arms wrap around you from behind and you knew immediately it is Seonghwa. "Did you guys settle who's fault it is, love?"

"No, but it seems everyone puts the blame back on Hongjoong." He laughs. He smiles at your parents and gives them a polite bow of his head. The rest of Ateez joined back up with your parents and your best friend. They started discussing dinner plans, you jumping in when needed for translation help.

Your smile doesn't leave your face as you lean back into Seonghwa. You could have just cheap take out with everyone and you'd be happy.

---

You said goodbye to your parents and best friend when everyone arrived back at your apartment after dinner. They wanted to let you have some time alone with Ateez. Your parents managed to reserve a private space at a great restaurant ran by a friend of your mother's. The manager went to buy snacks and drinks for the rest of you guys for tonight at a near by convenience store.

"Wow you have a nice place, (Y/N)." Yeosang compliments as he looks at the various decorations and how you and your roommate placed the minimal furniture.

"Thanks, it was a collaborative effort with my roomie. Which, be as loud as you guys want. She won't be in for a few nights since she'll be staying with her family." You smile and turn go to put leftovers from dinner in the fridge, missing the way everyone looked towards Seonghwa. "How long are you here for?"

"Just the rest of tonight. We fly back early in the morning tomorrow. We may have pulled this off but we still have busy schedules coming up." Jongho answers.

"Sorry we can't stay longer." San sighs with an apologetic smile.

"No worries, I'm happy you guys made it for today." You grin and move to sit next to Hwa on the couch, immediately leaning against him. "So I take it you guys flew in last night? Is that why you were actually in a hotel, love?"

He chuckles and nods, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. His fingers gently traced patterns on your arm. "I'm glad we got to witness this."

"Of course, I'd do the same for you guys."

"Well, if you would..." Mingi smiles as he walks in front of you, holding out several small pieces of paper for you. You gingerly take them, and look at everyone with confusion and curiosity as they surrounded the couch. Wooyoung took his spot next to you and rested his chin on your shoulder, aka, on Seonghwa's hand.

"Oh my God." You gasp as you look at each paper. They chuckled at your shock. There were several plane tickets; one to South Korea, a round trip ticket to Japan and then back to Korea, and then one back home. The next paper was a pass for the waterbomb festival coming up.

"We will email you the actual virtual tickets soon." Wooyoung said with a big grin.

"A graduation present from us and our manager." Seonghwa kissed your temple.

"This had to be so expensive..."

"Don't worry about it at all. We didn't have to pay for the waterbomb ticket and we all chipped in for the flights." Yuhno said softly from behind the couch. You felt his hand pat the top of your head a few times. There was a knock at the door and the tallest went to open the door for their manager,  who came in with two, black plastic bags and one backpack. You quickly got up to your feet and approached him with a smile.

"Thank you for all you have done."

"I should thank you for helping me keep them in line." He chuckles and hands you the plastic bags. He walks over to the couch and sets the backpack at Seonghwa's feet. "Remember, we have a flight back to Korea tomorrow. Don't drink too much. (Y/N), drink all you want."

Some time passed and everyone was lounging around in the living room of your apartment. Mingi, San, and Wooyoung took over the couch. Jongho, Yuhno, Yeosang, and their manager sat in chairs from the small kitchen table. You, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong were sitting on the floor, all while everyone watched a trashy, American reality show. You were sitting between Hwa's legs with your back against his chest while he rested against San's legs.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You fish it out and unlock it, seeing it was an email notification. You tapped the notification, though you didn't read what it was for, figuring it was a promotional thing or something. You looked up at the tv screen for a moment before taking a moment to read over the contents of the email.

Your eyes slowly widened with each line you read. You felt your heart flutter as you sit up straight. You felt Seonghwa's hands on your hips and he had a curious look on his face.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" He asks softly, trying not to draw everyones attention. He leans forward and you can feel his chest on your back again, his chin on your shoulder. You raise your phone screen up so he can have an easier time reading the email. You turn your head just enough to see his expression turn to one of shock. You felt him wrap his arms around your waist and hold you tight as a big smile broke out on his face. "Does... Does this mean...?"

"What's happening?" Sannie asked from the couch. He leaned forward as well and you pass him your phone. You can practically feel the excitement oozing from Seonghwa. San suddenly stood up, knocking into the eldest's back. He had a huge grin, his dimple prominent on his face. 

Wooyoung snatched your phone from San and you watched as his eyes scan over the screen. He then looks up at you with a big smile. "No way!"

"Care to share with the rest of us?" Mingi asked while Yeosang muted the channel. 

"Well-" San started to speak but then clasps his own hand over his mouth for a moment. He hands you back your phone and sits back down. He eagerly gestures for you to speak. You feel Hwa's hands gently squeeze your hips.

"A job I applied for contacted me and told me they were looking for fresh faces and say they see potential with my resume, my CV, and from my letters of recommendation." You beamed and everyone looked excited for you. A sea of congratulations soon followed. You kept your beaming expression and you see Hongjoong look at you.

"There is more, isn't there?" He asked, a smile growing on his face.

"The job is located in Seoul. And they are allowing me to start towards the end of the year to give me time to get my legal documents situated and to move." 

There was a moment of silence.

Then, your apartment became chaos with pure excitement. Seonghwa, Wooyoung and San already pledged themselves to help you find a place in your upcoming visit. Mingi and Yuhno express excitement for the prospect of staying over at your new place. Yeosang, Jongho, and Hongjoong already start to make plans for when you start living there. Everyone decides to have one more drink to celebrate, their manager unable to say no to such an occasion.

---

You give each member a hug as they are about to leave for the night, saying your goodbyes. You move to hug Seonghwa but he sidesteps you and moves to stand behind you. You give him a confused look while the others chuckle.

"I'm staying with you tonight, jagiya." He pecked your cheek. The others say goodnight, their manager telling him to be read by 7am, and they all quickly leave. Now, it's just you and Seonghwa. 

"That's why he brought a backpack for you." You laugh and turn to face him. You place your hands on the back of his neck and raise a brow. "You've been nothing but surprises today. I really do appreciate it." 

"Of course. I'd do just about anything for you." He smiles sweetly and leans in to kiss you. Unlike the other kisses you two shared today, this one was longer and more passionate. You can feel his lips move against yours as he swipes his tongue along your bottom lip. You smile against the kiss. Before you could part your lips, he pulls away with a flirtatious look. 

"I love you, love." He smiles at your words. He lifts his hand up and gently traces his fingers down the side of your face, sending shivers down your spine. His arms wrap around your body and he keeps you pressed against him.

"I love you too, jagiya." He brings you into another intense kiss, his tongue invading your mouth this time. You feel his fingers curl in against your back, all while your hands find themselves in his hair. He breaks the kiss once more but rests his forehead against yours. "Would you like to celebrate a little more? We don't have to go further than this-"

"I would love to." You grin. You move from Seonghwa's grasp and take his hand, pulling him to your bedroom.

The second you closed the door, Hwa is already guiding you to your bed. He lays you down on your back while he crawls over you, his lips pressed against yours. His hands grip your hips before he starts to slide them under your shirt. He shifts his leg, placing it between your thighs. His knee is just barely brushes against your core. His hands start to gently kneed your breasts over your bra.

Seonghwa starts to trail tender kisses down from your mouth to your neck. You smile at the affection and you place a kiss of your own on the top of his head. He smirked against your neck as he gently bites your skin. You feel him shift his leg that was between your legs, applying a small amount of pressure against your cunt. You let out a soft noise from the sensation and you can feel yourself growing wetter and wetter.

You move one your hands down to the growing bulge in his pants. Seonghwa chuckled and sat up, taking your hand off him.

"Tonight is all about you, jagiya." He smiled softly. He took hold of both your wrists in his hand and held them above your head. "Let me worship you."

You felt a pleasant shiver down your spine again and you nod. Hwa let go of your hands and began kissing your neck again. This time his kisses and bites to your neck were more intense. You knew for sure you would have a couple of marks there. He released his hold on your wrists but you kept your arms about head. Your body is completely at his mercy and that had you excited.

You felt him press his leg against your aching core again and this time you rolled your hips to seek pleasure, causing yourself to moan.

"Good, jagiya." Seonghwa chuckles as he moves his face by your ear. You feel his lips brush against your ear before he gently nips it. He sat up and helped you up as well.

He hums softly, tracing his nose along your face before he kisses you again. He gently nibbles your bottom lip and stares deeply into your eyes. Hwa licks his lips as he leans down and scans your body with his eyes. You feel his hand take hold of your shirt and slowly lift it up and off your body. His fingers nimbly unclasps your bra and he tosses it off your body. 

Seonghwa's hands caress and gently squeeze your breasts, the pads of his thumbs were on your nipples as he rubbed small circles with them.  He hummed with a smile. "I missed these."

You chuckle softly. "You missed my boobs?"

"Yes." He moves himself so his face his close to them. "I missed all off you, (Y/N). I missed your face, your touch, your taste... I missed seeing your smile in person, I missed hearing your laugh right beside me. I miss you."

"I miss you too Hwa." You give his cheek a tender peck. You bite your bottom lip as his hands still kneaded your breasts and his thumbs applied some pressure. "Luckily I got that job. I'll be a lot closer to you by next year."

"Still feels so far away." He whispers and starts kissing your chest. He bites the skin and sucks, doing this until he reached your nipples. His mouth encompasses the pebbled skin. You bring one of your hands up to his head and combed your fingers through his hair. He sucks and gently nibbles, his tongue rolling over your perked bud. He does this to both nipples for a few moments before pulling away, a line of saliva briefly hangs between his lips and your skin. "I want to try something, jagiya." 

"What do you want to try, love?"

"Would you want to sit on my face and let me pleasure you?" His question makes your face flush with heat. 

"You'd want to do that? Are-Are you sure you want me to sit on your face?" You can feel yourself getting more wet by the second.

"Of course." He smiles sweetly. He sits up straight so he can meet your eyes easily, his hands slide down and gently hold onto your hips. "Like I said, jagiya, I missed your taste and I think you will look breathtaking doing so... Do you want to try this out with me?"

"Then... I would like to." You bite your bottom lip and smile. His face broke out in a grin and he helped you off your lap. He moves to lay down as you slip off your pants and underwear. You move yourself up the bed near his head and carefully placed your leg on the other side of his head. His hands slid up from behind your thighs and your ass to hold your hips. You hovered over his face, looking down at him between your legs. You were a bit hesitant to lower yourself down though. "Are you sure-"

You didn't even get to finish your question when you felt Seonghwa pull you down to his mouth. Immediately his tongue went to work against you clit. You moan, one hand bracing yourself against the wall while you bury the fingers of the other in his dark hair. A vibrator certainly worked wonders, but there is something else about his tongue. He moved his up and down against your clit before moving it in circles clockwise.

"Hwa..." You say, almost sounding breathless. He simply hums and continues his ministrations with his tongue. He nuzzles his faces against your cunt and adjust his mouth so he could lap you up. Seonghwa's tongue briefly pushes against your clit and then you feel his lips wrap around your sensitive bud, gently sucking on it. Instinctively you bite your lip to hold back your moan, making him lightly slap your ass, not enough to hurt but to get a point across. He lifts you just enough to free his mouth so he could speak.

"You said your roommate is gone for the night?" He asks and you give him a quick 'yes.' You felt his lips curl into a smile. "Then don't hold back, jagiya. It's just us."

You feel his tongue move against you again in all the right ways, making you moan again. You didn't hold it back this time and you could tell Hwa is pleased with that. He shifted underneath you and he buries his face into your cunt, he continued to gently suck and swirl his tongue around your clit. His ministrations had you squirming, slowly rocking your hips against him, and you were making all sorts of noises. 

"Seonghwa..." You whimper. You speaking his name in such a manner had him groan in pleasure. You feel him shift yet again, his grip on your hips firm. His tongue is off your clit and you feel his tongue swirl around your entrance. He penetrates you and thrusts with his tongue while his nose brushed against your swollen bud. His mouth is working wonders on your and you can feel yourself getting closer to an orgasm. Hwa doesn't relent, keeping the pleasure going and keeping you relatively still with his hands holding onto your hips. "Fuck... Hwa I'm-!"

Your walls fluttered around his tongue. You feel your thigh muscles tighten and they press against his head. A loud noise of pleasure leaves your lips as you throw your head back. Hwa squeezes and lightly massages your hips as you climax, his tongue slowly slides out from your hole and gently licks your cunt. He waits a few moments before gently guiding you off his face. You lift a leg and sit next to his head, your back against your headboard. 

Seonghwa quickly got up, licking his lips clean of your juices though his chin and nose still shined with your climax. He sits next to you and his hands caress your legs. He smiles at you, a look of satisfaction on his face, while you came down from your orgasm. 

"You have a little something on your face." You giggle and gesture around your own chin and nose. He chuckles and you watch as he swipes his fingers over his skin and then lick them clean.

"Better?" He whispers with a slight smirk. You can tell he was trying to be sexy but he still had some of your cum on him. You giggle softly making him blush and chuckle.

"Here, hold on for a moment." You get up from the bed and head out of your room to your bathroom. You grabbed a clean wash cloth, dampened it with some water, and returned to your bedroom. You hand Seonghwa the cloth and he gives you an appreciative smile, his cheeks and ears dusted with a subtle pink. You sit back down as he cleans off his face. He sets the cloth on your nightstand and looks back at you.

You watch as Seonghwa gets off the bed. His eyes scan your body with a smirk. Slowly, he took off his shirt and slid off his pants and boxers. Both of you were completely nude and you can see just how turned on he is. Hwa gets back onto your bed and gets right up to you, his face mere inches from yours.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)." He whispers. His hand comes up and gently caresses your jaw and neck.

"I love you too, Seonghwa." You smile at him, your tone soft and full of love. He smiles back and presses his lips against yours. His kiss is tender this time around. His hand cradles the back of your head to keep you in place, but you know you don't want to pull away in this moment. Your fingers graze the skin of his bare chest. You slowly brought them up to his collarbones and then his neck.

"Hmm, I want to take this all the way, jagiya." He pauses for a moment as his eyes look down at your body and then back at your face. He smirks. "I want to hear all those lovely noises you make."

"If I get to ride you, my love." You say in a sensual tone. His smirk crumbles to a flustered look at your suggestion, but he still smiles regardless.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes." You nod and he bites his bottom lip. Seonghwa moves and sits down, his back against the headboard now. You grin, moving to stand on your legs before you throw your leg over his lap, effectively straddling him. His hands are once again on your hips as he pulls your body against his. He has a lustful and excited smile on his face.

"Condoms? I brought some-"

"No, it's fine. I trust you and I'm still taking birth control." You smile.

You reach behind and grab the shaft of Seonghwa's cock. You carefully drag his tip through your wet folds to tease him a little. You line him up to your entrance and look at his face. He gives a small nod for you to continue and you do so. You slowly lower yourself down, languidly taking him inside you. You both let out a soft moans. You sat in his lap, your hands grip his shoulders, while his cock fully inside you and you take a moment to savor the feeling.

"Ah, you feel so good, jagiya." Seonghwa mumbles, his lips barely brush against yours. You can feel his hot breath but you didn't care. His eyes were half-closed as he stared deeply into yours. You can feel his hands caressing your hips, thighs, and ass. His length twitches inside and you can tell he is full of anticipation for you to start moving. Hwa gives you a sweet smile, which contrasts with the current, steamy situation. "Take your time. You have control right now until you want me to take over."

"Thank you, love." You whisper softy and peck his lips. You wait a full two minutes before you started moving. You take a slow and steady pace, your thigh muscles flexing as you raise yourself up and down on his cock. Seonghwa's hands firmly held your hips yet he made no effort to control your movements, he simply assisted you so you wouldn't be doing all the work. 

"This feels nice." Hwa murmurs and leans his head down, his lips pressing against your neck. You feel his teeth graze your skin and he gently nips at your neck.

"Feels s'good." You moan softly. You rock your hips at a pleasurable pace. It is a very sensual moment between you both. It was just you and him, nothing else mattered. He raised his head from your neck and pressed his forehead against yours. He looked at you with pure adoration and love. His hands slide to your lower back and then moved up to your shoulder blades. You feel his arms against your sides as he hugged you close to his chest. You still moved your hips at a slow pace. 

This is a moment of passion and pleasure, but also a moment of love and bliss.

You sunk all the way down on him and gently grind your hips against him, feeling pleasure come from your clit grazing his pubic mound. Seonghwa smiles at you, enjoying how you look getting yourself off on him. He kiss your cheek and his lips linger to you skin for a few moments. You feel his fingertips press into your back and rub small circles on your skin.

You returned to moving yourself up and down on his cock. You increased your speed, sometimes focusing on his tip and then rotating to taking him all the way. Regardless  of what you did, he was moaning and groaning at all your movements. His hands were back on your hips as you leaned away from him with your hands gripping his shoulders. You both wanted to see your faces.

You feel a coil-like sensation in your lower stomach as pleasure builds up again. Your breathing is harsh and deep, and you can feel your legs getting tired... but you wanted to keep going. Seonghwa could see and feel how you your stamina is waning. He smiles sweetly and leans forward to capture your lips in a passionate yet short kiss.

"Relax, jagiya." His voice is smooth and low. He holds your hips and stops your movements. Seonghwa then starts to thrust his hips up at a quick pace. A loud moan escapes your lips as you cling on to him. He leaned forward and nibbles on your neck while you feel one of his hands move from your hip to your pubic mound. Hwa pressed his thumb over your swollen clit and started rubbing circles.

"O-Oh, Hwa..." You whimper out. You feel that heat building up more and more inside you.

"Hng- You're amazing, (Y/N)."He moaned as well, moving his head away from your neck to stare at your face. You can see he was getting close to his own release by the erotic expression on his face. 

"I-I think... I'm going to cum again." You whisper, feeling that all too familiar feeling crawl up your legs. You looked at him with all the love you could muster. The intimacy and intense feelings all added to your impending orgasm. The way the head of his cock hit that sweet spot inside you just right and his thumb swirling and applying the correct amount pressure sent you over the edge. You lean forward with your forehead against his as a loud whine leaves your mouth, your walls fluttering around his cock.

"(Y/N)-!" He groaned, still thrusting into your cunt. He stared intensely into your eyes, chasing his own climax. His breathing grows ragged and his thrusts became off rhythm. A moan tumbles from his lips as he sloppily kisses you, thrusting one last time. You feel his cock twitch inside you as his cum coats your walls. He keeps himself fully sheathed inside you as you both catch your breaths.

"Seonghwa..." You murmur, your body slumping against his, resting your head on his shoulder. His arms wrap around you and his hands gently grip the skin of your back. You feel his warm breath fan over the back of your neck as he leveled out his breathing. Seonghwa made a noise that sounded like a mix of a sigh and a moan as he rests his head against yours.

Neither of you said anything further. Seonghwa keeps his arms tight around you while you equally clinged to him. Nothing really needed to be said in this moment, the high emotions you both shared spoke enough.

Minutes passed when you finally speak up.

"We should probably clean up and get you to bed." You whisper to him, pulling your head back to look over this face.

"I want to stay like this, jagiya." He murmurs, placing his lips on your neck. "I feel so close to you like this... "

"I know, love, but we have to be up early." Hwa groaned at this, which makes you laugh.

"Stop being right."

"Come on... let's take a shower, Hwa." He reluctantly helps you off his lap, his softening length now out of you. You both get off from your bed and you lead him out your room to your bathroom. His hands remained on your waist as you both walked and then waited for the shower water to warm up. He didn't want to let go of you just yet.

After the shower and after drying off, you both go back into your room to change into comfortable clothes to sleep in. He laid down first, slipping under the covers. When you joined him, you laugh when his arms pulled you flush against his body. Seonghwa tucks your head under his chin and he holds you firmly in his arms. You chuckle and hold him just as tightly.

"I don't want to let go of you again... this feels like it's going to be harder than when you when you visited." He says with a sigh.

"I know, Hwa, I know." You mumble, already feel an ache in your chest. "Let's savor the rest of tonight together."

There is a pause.

"I love you, (Y/N)."

"I love you too, Seonghwa."

Morning came too fast your liking. You and Seonghwa awoke with your limbs practically tangled. His warmth despite the temperatures warming outside is comforting in the moment. You both reluctantly got dressed and made Hwa a light breakfast.

A little before 7am, Ateez and their manager came back over to pick Seonghwa up and of course came to say goodbye. You got an earful of teasing when they see the blemishes and marks Hwa left on your neck. You hugged each member and of course your hug lingered on Hwa, with you both gently caressing each other's backs for comfort.

Goodbyes were harder this time around, but you still had that ray of optimism due to your move to South Korea. It will be rough, but with Seonghwa, the rest of Ateez, and even their manager, you knew it would be a feat you'll overcome.

Your new horizon awaits you and your life with Seonghwa seems to be on the right track.

------------

Taglist: @stopeatread @hee0soo @tridkeys @pocketjoong-reads @seonghwaddict @lelaleleb @acciocriativity @h-nji

[crazylittlejester]

Time for some happy/fluffy headcannons since I can :3

Sky sees all the Zeldas as his daughters since he and Sun created the royal lineage. No matter how distant, they are his and Sun's children no matter what. (Some of the Zeldas who didn't have good relationships with their dads *cough* Flora *cough* nearly sob in joy because of this). Also, the Zeldas get their prophetic dreams from him too.

Legend's nose does that cute twitching that rabbits do. It makes him so flustered whenever anybody points it out.

Four, if he were to ever met any of the Gerudo, would be highly respected by them despite his height. He is short, yes, but he is very strong, intelligent and can make his own weapons. He'd probably have to fight off suitors if he ever went to Wild's Gerudo Town, tbh.

Everybody from Ordon is blessed by Ordona, and they have square pupils like goats do because of this. Despite being Hylian, and not being born in Ordon like the others, Twilight was also blessed and later in life developed these same pupils. He loves them despite how creepy everybody else thinks they are.

Time actually gained a little weight after marrying Malon because he felt safe enough to do so. He always made himself stay at top shape in case he had to go on another quest, so when he didn't immediately get thrown into one he got a little meat on his bones. He didnt look like a skeleton anymore. Malon was happy he did, since he was always thin even as a child.

Warriors knits and sews and Proxy has a small hat he made with an itty-bitty pompom on top.

Wind is scared of lighting storms due to a bad sailing trip after his adventure, and Sky tries to comfort him despite also being terrified of lighting himself.

Wild's mother was a piece of Farore's spirit traveling Hyrule as a mortal, and fell deeply in love with his father. Both Wild and his sister are considered forest spirits, and his sister actually became a korok after her mortal body died. The first korok he ever finds is his sister :)

Hyrule really likes the non hostile Zora whenever they visit them, and he learned how to swim from them.

None of the Links can hold their alcohol. One drink and they are all tipsy beyond belief. Except Wind, he can take two drinks before he also is drunk off his rocker.

YAY FLUFFY HEADCANONS (god knows i need more of these after the obnoxiously sad headcanons i have)

- This is so cute actually, I can totally see Sky and Flora becoming close

- Legend 100% does that, I also headcanon he hops when he gets really excited

- OKAY THE ORDONA GOAT EYE THING IS ACTUALLY SO COOL??? THATS AN EPIC HEADCANON

- My favorite thing ever in fiction is when characters start to look physically happy and healthy as they recover from trauma, and I write a lot of this happening to Wars (because I gave him horrible food anxiety and write about how he’s been able to work over that and become a lot healthier and happier) and I can see this happening to Time too

- WARRIORS KNITS IS REAL. REAL AND TRUE. YOURE RIGHT AND YOU SHOULD SAY SO!! I can see him making sweaters for everyone

- Wind and Sky and Legend all being unnerved by storms 🤝

- I think it’d be hilarious if they couldn’t hold their alcohol and Wind could out drink them, but whenever I write these guys I always give them at least a couple instances where Twi gets a good few beers and Wars gets his wine. I don’t think Time would drink, not because he wants to be the responsible adult, but because he just doesn’t drink

[yippeeometer]

here are some ships i believe in with my life with the full intent of pss pss pssing my fellow swashbucklers into my comments :D

NH/VT/ME. hammy monty and maine. not only do i think they match each others freak i think they actively make it worse. theyre the definition of new england gothic not in the sense that theyre trying to haunt people but in that they own lighthouses and like to stand in big empty fields freaking out the locals. also they dont come seperately im afraid monty IS inside maine's sweater during ur meeting

WY/MT. oh my god my wife is a bitch and i love her. my wife is a bitch and shes mean to me and im thinking of throwing myself into a volcano to see if theres any nice rocks i can get her. wy has the kind of social anxiety where he hasn't seen anyone in 6 months bc hes afraid to leave the house but he has to be physically glued to montana to not commit violence.

UT/CO/NM/AZ. my four corners you are soooooooo precious to me i cant believe it. theyre the warmest cuddle pile u can imagine. theyre hatting each other w sticks. theyre a one star rated tribute act. theyre the couple fighting in the dairy isle. theyre having dangerous sex to the soundtrack of paddington 2. theyre everything.

PA/MA. theyre just serving toxic codependent loserhood. they trauma bonded once when they were 17 and thats it since. theyre sooooo disgustingly meant for each other that youre begging them to just split off from the country bc getting a room just isnt enough atp.

WA/OR. breaking news the two worst people you know have found each other and have only enhanced the things about them you hate. they hate to see two bitches serving cunt but unfortunately, these hags are fused together and they'll stay that way to spite you. they publicly divorce 8 billion times a week but ore is caught multiple times gossiping to his husband in morse code when phones are eventually banned from the table.

NY/NJ i can't explain this one anymore than its just the most down bad behavior youve ever seen subtley disguised by the age old excuse of 'its just satire'. mans staring at ur ass in the meeting talking ab 'oh its for the bit'. im just saying ik you two like to fight but does he really need to straddle you to get a punch in.

IL/NV okay yeah it started off as a joke but like. the two scariest little freaks trying to out mafia each other. nevada blushing kicking his feet as illi sends his fourth hitman of the week bc nv was flirting w everyone and their mama to get back at him. utah looks at him with a mixture of confusion and dispear.

[halaa-mua]

Some "after the revolution" dbh headcanons

Hey yall! it's me and it has been like million years since I have written anything on here, but yea here I am! I will start writing headcanons and stuff like that again to keep my english at least decent, since im not at school atm. Anyways enough yapping, hope that u will enjoy! <3

Markus:

After the revolution he became very known (obviously) and people either really like him or really don't, so he has to be aware his surroundings. For example once a guy tried to drive over him on purpose with a car when he was crossing the road. He understands that people still have some issues with androids, but the fact that there are still people that want to hurt androids... it just makes him very sad and angry.

Because of that incident for example Markus preferes indoors. He can paint etc. and that makes him happy. He also hangs out with his Jericho friends and Connor and Kara. Thats enough for him.

But on the other side he has had good interactions and stuff like that with humans. Once a human lady came up to him and thanked him for starting the revolution. Markus asked her cuoriously asked her why she was so thankful the lady said that she had a little android boy. She loved him more than anything and she and her android son were so so scared once humans started to destroy androids but because of his peacful mindsett, they can still be together.

That interraction makes him feel warm and happy.

Connor:

After the revolution Connor became more aware of his feelings.

He had a lot to learn. For instance anxiety, Connor hates anxiety. He became very anxious about his current life after the revolution. Yes he still investigates android cases with Hank, but he has so much more free time etc.

Like he can do anything, but its hard to decide what. He can coock for Hank, he can clean his place, go for a walk with Sumo.. but what does he actually want to do?

He is afraid of the future too. Hank will die, Sumo will die.. whats the purpose of anything after that?

Once he gets these kind of thoughts Hank notices them imedieatly. He is not good with these kind of things but he still manages to get Connor more relaxed.

Hank knows that when he is dead Connor will be absolutely broken. He does these future plan things with Connor when he is not anxious. Connor has thought that he could stay with Kara, Luther and Alice or he could move with Markus and the gang. It's not the end of the world.

But still, he will miss Hank so so much.

Kara:

After the revolution Kara has more time for herself, so she picked a new hobby for herself: knitting

She just knits and knits. Sweaters? Kara can do it! socks? Yes! Scarfs? Wait a sec!

Alice has so many sweaters that Kara has made for her. Like she has a sweater in every color.

Alice loves them and wears them with pride!

Kara does sweaters, socks etc. to Luther as well! She just has to have a lot of yarn when she knits something form him, because of his size.

Like Alice, Luther is so thankful of every piece of clothing that kara makes.

Kara knits socks to little human children and gives them for free to those in need

Alice and Luther often remind Kara to do also something for herself, but she is bad at remembering herself.

She is just glad to do something that makes herself and others happy

[coldresolve]

uh a little update

long story short, there was The Original Ending which i was headed towards for like 2,5 years, then half a year ago i was like 'damn thats kind of cynical huh' so i very drastically changed it. yall have read the Second Ending which tried to improve on the cynicism

i dont want to say too much about the main theme cause i do want my readers to like, use their own brains, but all my anxiety about the ending of mm can be boiled down to this: the Original Ending points out a problem but can't offer a meaningful solution, while the Second Ending offers a (tbh, pretty band-aid) solution but can't meaningfully point out the problem. and the problem in question is, yknow, like. pretty essential to everything ive been trying to do

and also ive been reading up on the actual philosophy of cynicism lately so im more open to defending the act of posing a problem without offering a prescription for it lol

anyway yea. theres a real possibility i might change it back to The Original Ending, which obviously means rewriting a couple chapters. im not asking yalls takes on what i should do cause ppls suggestions usually suck on here, i just wanted to let yall know why its been slow for a while.

so thats all ig. also look at my sweater progress

[itty-bitty-mess]

TW: BITTYBONES AB//USE, BITTY WHUMP, BITTY T*RT//URE

Currently thinking about bitties being adopted to complete certain tasks that are usually hard for humans, like reaching very narrow places or finding very tiny items. And once they're done, they get discarded like trash.

Imagine a bitty like a Cherry who is forced to do an extremely stress-inducing task. His anxiety is through the roof and he won't stop crying. He hates it, he can't do it, he wants to throw up, this ammount of stress is NOT healthy for his breed. Oh but Mommy promised a warm bed and yummy food after this, so maybe he can! Yes! He will do it for Mommy no matter how much this traumatizes him, because she loves him very much and she believes in him!!

Finally, he is done, and Little Cherry believes he's gonna get rewarded with a loving home and lots of cuddles from his new Mommy, he's so hungry too, so surely she will be glad to reward him with a little baked treat too! Mommy loves to bake and her treats smell delicious and super yummy! Mommy approaches little Cherry with a big smile on her face, he believes she must be sooo proud of him!! She gently takes one of his tiny bony arms, while Cherry looks at her with pure adoration in his eyes, and then....

*SNAP* Before he can even register it, she effortlessly snaps one of his arms in half like a toothpick. Cherry screams, of course. Oh god, it hurts so bad, its absolutely unbearable. The love and adoration in his eyes disappear and get replaced by confusion, panic and sheer terror. He's screaming and tears flood out of his eyes. He asks Mommy why she did that but she doesnt respond. Instead, before he can even pull his other arm away from her, she grabs it and yanks it off, making it pop off his arm socket and essentially leaving him arm-less.

Cherry screams like he's getting murdered. This ammount of stress can be lethal for his breed, but who cares, he's just a replaceable little piece of garbage. Just a tool Mommy bought because she needed some extra help. Since Cherry had done his job, he was now essentially useless to her and to the world in general. He was disposable.

All those promises of a loving home and yummy treats? just a simple tactic to get any bitty to willingly do unpleasant tasks for its owner, they always fall for it without fail, especially the weak, pathetic ones. Cherry is in so much pain. His arms are dusting at unbearably slow speed, he feels everything and needs it to stop. His face is now permanently stained red from his nonstop tears. His screams of agony are ear-piercing, but somehow Mommy doesn't seem bothered.

He begs Mommy to help him, he says he loves her and asks her why she is doing this if he did what she wanted. She doesn't respond, he's not even worth a simple answer. To her, he's simple, disposable trash no more valuable than a used napkin. She kicks him in one of his tiny legs and it snaps like a twig.

"NOOO- AAAAAAAAAA PLEASE MOMMY STOP IT HURTS, PLEASE HELP ME IT HURTS SO BAD, PLEASE I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU PLEASE IM SORRY"

She just laughs as she grabs him by the collar of his tiny red sweater, now stained with his tears, and takes him somewhere he cannot see. The position hurts his neck badly, it hurts. His entire body is in agonizing pain. He can't feel his leg or his now-dusted arms, however he can feel some empty gaps on his mouth where some of his teeth used to be, they probably fell off with all the hits he had taken by that point.

He began pissing himself like any other Cherry, as a built in survival tactic, hoping Mommy would pity his already pathetic nature and maybe spare his life. Thats just wishful thinking of course, because all that does is gross her out enough that she finally decides to toss him on some dirty dark alley, too far away from home or from any bitty shelter that could save him. Once Mommy tosses him, he hits the ground skull-first. Now his head spins and hurts as well.

She leaves the alley, her disappearing figure is probably one of the few things Cherry can make out before everything turns blurry. He cries once again, as the realization finally hits him a little too late. She never loved him, he was never gonna be adopted or loved, he was just a simple tool and a commodity to her. He had been abandoned and left to rot alone, dying slowly, bones broken irreparably, discarded like a piece of trash that is no longer of use. He was worthless.

The next morning, there's an extra pile of dust in that alley. But who cares, that's a common occurence anyways.

[this-fox-is-a-fungus]

So a little less than a year ago (march) i decided to Be A Tiny Little Suck Up and make an ENA oc, since i had a lot of friends who had them. thats where this bitch was born

disgusting vile creature w a neat concept, 5 different ENA-ish character fragments stitched together to create one sporadic anxiety riddled fellow that i accordingly named Lockstitch. well, since the new dream bbq trailer came out, i decided “hey, anemoia slaps, lets sit down and remake this guy” so i did

fun fact: lock stitches are the | | | | | | cartoony stitches which is why their sweater looks the way it does in the middle (i will add more of them in) i love them verily will update when i get to other drawing stages

[ghostiebopper]

today sucked major ass, actually

i woke up around 2am and didnt get back to sleep for hours

i eventually did get more sleep. but my fitbit didnt log it so i have no idea how much. not sure whats going on with that. its not logging my temperature either, suddenly?

anyway. today actually didnt start badly. i was in a good mood! i was nice n warm, i had a kitty companion with me.

i got up, got breakfast, worked on the pc for a bit, got dressed, made lunch, did chores...and then its 3pm, and im fucking exhausted. i had other stuff to do (was gonna get the trash bins) but at that point i was. drained

so i laid down. i took a little nap. i dont usually do that because it tends to affect my nighttime sleep but i was Quite Exhausted, physically and mentally drained, for...not much of an actual reason.

woke up after less than an hour and felt better. laid there for a bit, chilling on my phone, because i DID feel nice and warm and have a little more energy, but i was also still Exhausted and my Body Hurt.

at this point, it's about 5pm. i need to get up, so i do.

i still need to get the bins back to the patio. i put on thick winter socks, put my sweater back on, and head downstairs.

i get to the bottom of the top half of the stairs before the landing and i slipped. this has happened before. i was okay, i think i'm fine? nothing feels broken or otherwise notably painful.

actually, my limbs feel heavy. slightly numb. my hands and feet feel a little off but thats not honestly new after slipping (though somewhat new within the last 48 hours). and i was still quite exhausted, when i slipped, and was on carpeted stairs in some thick socks. so i slipped down the last few steps, and slammed my foot into the wall/a grocery cart, fell on my right hand, and also my ass. i didnt hit my head or anything.

i was just kind of shocked, hoping i didnt just make my 5 million current issues (this is an exaggeration) suddenly worse as a result of breaking any bones. anyway, mom heard me fall from the bathroom and she panicked and went "WHAT WAS THAT!?!?" and, dear reader, that is what set me off.

"i fell! leave me alone!" i shouted. i was still trying to assess myself but the stress of the whole day (which didnt seem like much but apparently was more than i thought) was suddenly hitting me. i felt nauseous. i was trying to make sure i didnt break any bones, and mom just kept badgering me, asking me questions i wasnt able to answer, and i snapped, saying "leave me alone!! i don't know if i'm okay!! leave me alone!!!"

i get that she was worried but the way she immediately started to panic and her anxiety started to affect me was painful. i needed a minute and i was struggling to express that. i needed her to back off.

i started to cry because she would not back off and i was so tired, and so stressed, and now my stomach hurt, and i felt sick, and i was in pain, and everything was so much. eventually, i was able to get up. i was okay, even though the stress was now very sickening. but i didnt want to just sit there and stew in it.

i decided to try to retrieve the bins once more. i put my shoes on, my coat, tried to ignore mom still probing me (and then her suddenly dropping "oh yeah, they put your aunt's dog down" thank you that makes me feel so much better.) and went to get the bins.

and it was dark and pouring rain. so i went and i just sort of took a seat, still in my coat, and went on my phone while i tried to quell the urge to vomit. it's been about 20 minutes and the stress is not much better. i felt oddly cold, and also like bawling my fucking eyes out.

maybe it's that i had a bit of a down day, today. maybe i wasnt as busy as i have been for the past like 5 days straight (appointments, errands, chores, etc) and so something like my seasonal depression snuck through the cracks. maybe the medication i just started about two days ago is affecting me weirdly. only time will tell, i suppose.

i wish i could go into a coma for about 12 hours though. i wonder if in that time my body would have enough time to get it's shit together long enough so that i do not end up in the current state of mental and physical exhaustion i am in.

because during times like this, the thought of "god i want to fucking kill myself" is prevalent and it's concerning. not to an extent that makes me go "hm. hospital!" but one that's more like "hm. not really sure i should be hearing that in my own head with increasing regularity!" so. you know.

maybe it's the time of year. maybe it's the mounting stack of concerns regarding my own health, and the stress of wondering how these things will affect me in the longer-term. maybe (and most likely) it's everything, but what can i do besides try to stay on top of it? i'm doing my best, and a lot of the time, i feel like i'm actually doing pretty damn good.

but days like today make me wonder if it's enough. days like today make me want to stop. days like today make me want to sleep for hours and hours and hours and do absolutely nothing.

i'm not going to do that, because it would undo all of my progress.

this got long and i dont have the energy to really edit or give much of a shit, at this point.

tomorrow: haircut, back to the grocery store, and...trying to stay busy, i suppose.

okay bye.

[tricotea]

i love yapping about my project planning so here i am. i did knit my first sweater and i'll update about that at some point but rn i just wanna talk plans.....

first one is my good days sweater, completely and 100% inspired by good days by sza one of my fav songs of all time. if i can, i would knit it with wild violet fiber's colorway matcha in whatever base they have enough of and with the matching mohair. tbh i've been looking around at patterns and stuff to decide what pattern i want to follow for this bc i wanna maybe try something new but now that im thinking about it i might just stick with the step by step sweater by florence miller... its what i used to knit my sweater and it's a banger pattern, and like. since it's a construction i already know, i don't feel too crazy about fiddling with gauge and all that and i can just try it on. tbh however. the flaw with this is that i just don't think i would have enough yarn. the main color that i wanna use, the matcha is sold out in almost every base and pretty much gone in the others. like i just don't know if i would have enough yarn. but the design is basically just a regular stockinette sweater with "good days" written on it in colorwork, the color im thinking of is knitpicks stroll in melon and maybe holding it with their mohair in tarragon. although idk about that. it's not gonna happen for a while bc i really don't have that kinda money but maybe once christmas rolls around and i get a few gift cards... lol.

second plan is what i'm calling my iykyk sweater/jacket. originally it was gonna be a sweater but now that i'm thinking about it..... letterman jacket would be so cool. basically so well i'm obsessed with all for the game a book series (check out my reading blog if u wanna know more) and theres this one scene where the mc goes off on another character and it's just kind of iconic. and well i think it would be funny if it was on a sweater. the books about a made up sports team playing a made up sport so i would do it in their school colors white and bright orange. so far i'm leaning towards knitting for olive hokkaido in their merino and one of their whites/creams for consistency. i haven't found any patterns on ravelry that really match what i'm looking for except for one... and it's bottom up. idk how to reverse engineer knits so i might just free ball it from a somewhat similar cardigan and go from there. i think the biggest differences between a regular cardigan and a letterman jacket are the collar, the pockets, and the button band... the pockets would probably be the hardest to figure out... the collar i would just pick up stitches in the certain way i want... and the button band. well idk. i think that should be relatively easy to figure out from yt tutorials. colorwork, i would do the big rant text on the back and maybe honestly im really not sure about this detail but "iykyk" on the front near like the breast pocket area where logos usually go. maybe a little fox paw somewhere. but yeah. it'll be interesting to see if i can actually figure this out. i wish i was somewhere where these yarns were more available so if need be i can just pop over to the store and get more if i run out bc thats some of the biggest hindrances in my executive functioning. i get really nervous about the actual amount of yarn i need and it gives me anxiety if i maybe even have the slightest doubt im not ordering enough. but then also i can't afford to spend that much extra on yarn i realistically dont need lol. oh well. hopefully it will happen someday.

happy knitting !

[scentedchildnacho]

Well I had to walk to dinner so after that many attempted hit and runs I'm not all that afraid of death by battery

Mind shield he is just another one of Them and people like them go out to get their own ass kicked and it's disinteresting

Yea but he can't like actually hit people and has to walk away so I'm not doing to bad....

I did try to figure out my suggestions to the little lady whose son works at Ralph's.....and we are cats to the neighborhood I only had to check to see if the wicker couch free from windows and near the sidewalk was wet from rain and this scary Blondie smoker came out and immediately took it away....I've tried to give Abyssinian cats an old sweater sometimes in an old house and as soon as they can a cat is an animal so

So I guess the surrounding furniture is all of Guantanamo bay if you sit on it the neighbors will shoot something at you

That also she is a nice looking racially correct little white or Irish or southern I don't know lady and yet they leave her so poor and I don't think she is poor ...

Cops is what I'm told procedure is I have to go a couple days sometimes to be assessed and have a cell toilet and be fed normally and if the judge clears me for psychiatric release then I go to more privilege lock ups but this as victimizing is really contagious and I don't think I would be allowed here to touch stuff

Im sorry my feelings dont get all that hurt by blunt speaking but no one cares about me pope francis said it's all a i. And they only care about relieving me from pressure to be me with a young me.....we are animals sheep to herd to them ....and i can have a small criminized network I am actually able to talk about about who i truly am with and what i go through...

Uhm no I wouldn't say I really care that that black lady was threatened I get the feeling she doesn't like me all that much the argument between them just wouldn't stop and I found it so annoying I played white superior I get nukes they don't so I'm going to talk dumb and without any type of mercy or sympathy till that goes away permanently the situation just kept causing me anxiety.......

Well thats my clue .....it's help look out for other Shirley's and maybe there will be relief from the concentration I would like to know though why we can't go to Shirley.....

[zylophie]

okay I uhh haven't requested match ups much but I saw yours and I really wanted to try!! if I do anything wrong please feel free to correct me because I'm new at this but I'd like to request a match up please! and thank you!!

Preferred gender to be matchup with: id like to be matched up with a male character and the source is genshin!

Personality Traits: okay uh.. I'm introverted. I don't go out often so I usually don't speak unless I'm spoken to. when I do speak to people though I genuinely love talking to other people and hearing what they have to say. I value interaction with others deeply. I'm someone who really loves to make others feel happy it just makes me feel warm inside. I do admit I tend to be anxiety ridden sometimes. I am working on it though! I appreciate when people are affectionate to me and cherish it deeply! I'm grateful for the kindness of others

Hobbies: I play violin.. and I like to sow! I love crafts like sowing and cross stitching and I love music! I don't have tons of hobbies so those are the ones I invest in the most. I wanted to learn how to bake but I'm a disaster in the kitchen so...

Love Language: quality time and words of affirmation! I want people to know that I care for them and I value spending lots of time with others. I don't want them to be left in the dark about my feelings towards them or feel neglected. I want them to know they matter

Funfacts: fun facts about me right? I HAVE A CAT.. he's huge and cuddly and my best friend. I like writing and stuff.. I have like 5 unfinished journals lying around. I love sweets.. like love love them. I need to work on my sugar cravings.. i eat sweets more than I drink water. I was also homeschooled majority of my life so I don't have much experience with people but when I do go outside I just like to be kind to everyone and chill.

Things you look for in a person: I don't expect a lot of people because nobody's perfect! but I do like people who are loyal and honest with me. like even if the truth hurts I prefer it over lies. I'd also like someone who doesn't mind that I'm anxious and tend to overthink.

Things you don't look for in a person: I guess someone who doesn't have patience for my anxiety. like being told I'm overreacting or that I'm annoying for it would put me down pretty bad. I don't want anyone who would betray or lie to me either.. thats about it!!

normal/both/yandere: id like both of possible!! if not it's completely okay!

thank you for taking time for my request!

♡ genshin impact matchup

"૮₍ •⤙•˶|💌 ᴮᵉᵉᵖ..! ᵒⁿᵉ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉˎˊ˗

✉! .•°⟡˚ ༘ ʸᵒᵘ ʳᵉᶜᵉⁱᵛᵉᵈ ᵃ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ ᶠʳᵒᵐ ʸᵘᵉ !

⌨️ᶻᶻᶻ...yue is typing... ♡

↻ᴹᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ ˡᵒᵃᵈᵉᵈ !

꒰ʜɪɪ ʜɪɪ, ʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴀᴛᴇ?꒱ 🎐~*

❛❛,,𝐎ᵖᵉⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵃⁱˡ ᵗᵒ ˢᵉᵉ ʷʰᵒ ⁱˢ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᶠᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ!,,❜❜

▶︎ •၊၊||၊|။||||။‌‌‌‌‌၊|• 0:10 ⁿᵒʷ ᵖˡᵃʸⁱⁿᵍ... Genshin Impact!

˗ˏˋ ★ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖᵃⁱʳ ⁱˢ...Kaveh!★ ˎˊ˗

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ɴᴏʀᴍᴀʟ ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚☽˚｡⋆ Kaveh is very patient with you, he always wants you to be comfortable to be open with yourself...he is the type who shower you with sweet words and his usual line whenever you did a good job at something? It's "I'm so proud of you" and "I knew it that you can do it!"

˚☽˚｡⋆ His favorite daily activity with you? He always leave little notes in your notebook whenever you weren't looking, he is always looking forward to your reactions to them!

˚☽˚｡⋆ If you end up making a sweater, scarf or any kind of clothing...you can bet he is going to wear them with pride, he thinks your crafts should be seen by the world for their beauty because of your love and care towards your works.

˚☽˚｡⋆ Kaveh adore your cat...well because they were raised with your love, right? He likes to think you and your cat are very similar in that sense, very loveable beings who are just very precious and cuddly which may or may not activate a protective side to him that he wasn't aware of until now...♡

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ᴍᴀᴛᴄʜᴜᴘ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˗ˏˋ ★ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖᵃⁱʳ ⁱˢ...Tartaglia/Childe!★ ˎˊ˗

˚☽˚｡⋆ Childe likes chatting with you a lot, he loves hearing your voice especially when you're passionate about certain topics. He doesn't force you whenever you don't feel like talking in fact, he also enjoy those quiet moments with you!

˚☽˚｡⋆ When he found out that you want to try your hands on baking... let's just say that he was well-prepared like sheesh, he make sure to buy aprons, mitten gloves, making sure the tools are clean...and you name it, he got everything set and ready! He just doesn't want you to get hurt during your baking experience is all.

˚☽˚｡⋆ He love your cross stitching crafts, so much that he always keep them in his room and office...if anyone dare to question them, he would have a nice long chat with them... he just really adore anything you do really!

˚☽˚｡⋆ Whenever he is away for work, he always send you sweets with letters as a reminder to not overdo it and take care of yourself while he is missing you from far...he always wants to see you being all healthy and happy when he come home to you after his missions ♡

✿ — ↠ NOTE : I hope you like the results! I'm glad to be one of your first few matchup matchmakers, thank you for ordering with us~ ♡

[musclelover4826]

Oliver had it with his anxiety. He had been feeling so much studying for midterms. He left his dorm and drove down to local gas station to finally take some advice from his friends and buy a pack of weed gummies and then went out to the parking lot and immediately opened the pack and ate one, figuring he'd have about an hour to drive home until it kicked in, at least thats according to his friends, he'd never done it before. But on his way to his car he felt a sudden rush to his head. It was like a headache but not painful, just feeling light headed and dizzy. His clothes were beginning to feel tingly. Hot and itchy. Especially his shirt. It felt like it was crawling on his back. Finally he couldn't stand it and started to pull the damn thing off! With little awareness of where he was he felt a tightness and heat around his feet. His shoes suddenly felt so tightband restricting. His socks itchy as if made of a thick sweater material. He pulled off his shoes and socks, wiggling his bare toes against the rough asphalt of the ground with a sigh of relief. However that relief was short lived as soon his legs began to itch and heat up as well. Oliver's jeans took on the same intense restrictive and itchy feeling as the restvof his clothes did and with little hesitantion he stripped them off. Now in the gas station parking lot in just his boxers. He fumbles with the bag to take another gummy as his boxers began to heat up. He looked down with a slack expression. His face relaxing, his mouth hanging open, his tired stressed out eyes going dull as it was suddenly hard to think. Thinking slowed down a lot, it was like he had to go through a maze to find each thought and forgot why it was important before he got there. He was horny. Fuck it felt like he hadn't jerked in days. He wasn't a particularly horny guy but right now his dick was all he could focus on. Yanking his boxers off he crouched and began to jerk off. Fuck that felt awesome. It was more intense than any jerking session. It fekt great. He was in public and too high to care, too high to notice the shocked looks, people taking pictures on their phones, or making a police call. Too high to notice his hair cut itself shorter, or the trashy guys chuckling and walking up to him. It was only the cool chill of a metal chain falling across his neck that snapped him out of his haze. He looked up at the guys who walked up, and recognized them. His bros.

"Naked again Ollie?" One of them asked.

"Uhhh" was all he could give as he looked down at himself. His dick was soft again and his hand and chest covered in shiny cum. He looked around, the clothes gone. He couldn't focus enough to remember who or where he was as he shrugged "shit guess I forgot em" he chuckled. And his buds chuckled too passing him a blunt as he took a hit, solidifying his new identity as Ollie the dumbass nude stoner.