#thats a huge display of trust right there.

[cozyqueerchaos]

Tell me more about the whole “it might be you” brainriot I wanna hear it

okay okay so. I personally think the "ultimate lifeform" thing is more of a martyr complex at this point? like yeah, shadow thinks he's better, but only in the sense that he was raised to die, to save everyone, and he thinks he's the only one who can.

by giving that title to sonic, shadow is not only giving sonic the task of protecting everyone (like maria wanted), but he's letting go of all those expectations gerald placed on him. that means admitting there was nothing particularly special about what shadow went through. it didn't make him stronger to be a lab rat, all his isolation and damage wasn't for a good reason. shadow isn't even the best at what he was designed for, but that he's here now and he's still trying and for once he's not alone. and when he says it, he sounds happy.

[datgameguy]

God do I love how Ame and Suvi’s conflict is representative of the wider conflict between Witches and Wizards. (Long ass post incoming)

First lets look at the conflict in Chapter 2 about trusting Sly’s predictions of the conclave compared to other Citadel diviners. Witches are about community and connection. Ame trusted Sly because he had a connection to Wren, no other diviners in the Citadel had Wren’s trust that we know of just Sly. Wizards on the other hand put their faith in institutions and hierarchies. If Sly’s predictions are contradicted by those of several other diviners with more influence in the system, then his predictions should be discarded. (Also keep in mind that Sly was relegated to obscurity because his predictions were largely about things that didn’t line up with the Citadel’s priorities)

So we get tension at the end of Chapter 2 because Ame (through Wren) has a connection to and trusts more in Sly as an individual than the Citadel’s diviners as an institution. Suvi on the other hand hears Steel say that a group of diviners might have contrary evidence to what Sly predicted and instinctively puts her trust in the institution over the individual.

As a result Suvi and Steel dismiss Ame’s concerns about Sly’s predictions until Ame gets so worked up about the issue that she takes drastic action to return to Toma and prepare. Of course Suvi is right to be upset with the manor in which Ame leaves, it’s incredibly reckless and could have lead to several civilians (and Eursalon!!) getting injured or killed. However she fails to see her and Steel’s roles in pushing Ame into immediate action. Steel never took Ame seriously, and Suvi largely agreed with her.

And now we get to Episode 25 and Suvi’s scathing tirade against Ame.

A big theme of this arc seems to be how both Witches and Wizards look down on one another. Steel has her line about Witches seeing Wizards as “devious, paranoid, and buffoonish,” while Suvi blows up on Ame for “that smart ass tone about Wizards.”

And you know what they’re right. Witches do look down on Wizards.

I find myself wondering how Ame, Witch of the World’s Heart and the steward of humanity, could NOT look down on Wizards. The Wizards of the Citadel may be the brightest minds humanity has to offer, but they use those gifts to fuel a seemingly endless war with Ruve and Gouthmai (a war that threatens the lives and homes of Eursalon’s family). The Citadel seems to glorify violence (remember in Chapter 1 when Suvi proudly displayed that she spilled blood on behalf of the Citadel?). We also know from Kalaya that over time the Citadel went from what was essentially a huge university, to a homogeneous and militarized society.

Thats without even mentioning how Steel herself proves the Witches assessment of Wizards correct! Steel concocts a plan for Suvi that is devious in its intentions, paranoid in its secrecy, and buffoonish in how it could undermind the meeting of the Coven and cost both Ame and Suvi their lives if discovered. While Suvi is lecturing Ame on judging Wizards she has unknowingly agreed to a plan that proves all of her assumptions correct.

Suvi is probably my favorite character in this campaign. Aabria absolutely BRINGS IT every session. I’ve no doubt that many of the things listed in this post crossed her mind and were intentional. After all, the Citadel is a defining part of Suvi’s identity.

Wizards exist in a world that does not take them seriously. We’re 25 episodes in and spirits and witches alike have constantly referred to Wizards in pejorative terms. It’s not hard to see how someone like Suvi, born in the thick of the world of Wizards would cling to the Citadel as the lone institution of the world that advocates for Wizards. Because Suvi is a wizard she is preemptively judged by nearly every witch and spirit in the story. So of course she’ll judge them too.

After all, wouldn’t you?

[sophieinwonderland]

speaking off actually bad tulpa media: its also harmful to disordered and nondisordered (like non tulpamancers) systems as well. I see a lot...and I mean a lot of people use Tulpa as a way to do the evil alter trope in media, which woulda ya know it hurts people!! saw a video game which the evil alter trope and someone said: no thats a tulpa, those are demonic spirits

saying that tulpas are harmful demons or something 💀 which like hurts everyone I would assume. (since the media literally will just display plurality)

the beginning statement is mainly to appeal to anti endos/anti tulpas because maybe you should focus more on singlets literally demonizing us than a stupid "no believe me im the most right!, and ur ableist and racist :(" back and forth. (not directed at you specifically)

True.

Although, I hope you don't mind me going on a side tangent here.

I want to highlight what I think has been a huge flaw in the strategies used by multiplicity advocates, which is that they tend to try to argue against being associated with harmful instances of spiritual plurality by separating themselves from it, which I don't think actually works.

One thing I've talked about often here is that fears of demons and evil spirits were the original pluralphobia.

Before "multiple personality" was a mental illness, people with plural experiences were thought to be demonic.

As MPD was recognized, this gave rise to the evil alter trope. But that trope wasn't new. It just evolved from existing pluralphobia. It was a mental illness equivalent to demonic possession.

The problem with demonic possession stories of any kind is that they inherently stigmatize multiplicity and all experiences of multiple agents sharing a body. It doesn't actually matter what it's about because it all contributes to pluralphobia.

And I am meaning "phobia" in its most literal sense. There is a wide cultural fear of the concept of sharing your body with others, and a fear of those that do. That plurals can't be trusted because of what we are.

And these harmful paranormal presentations of plurality are just as much to blame as psychological ones.

(I do have to admit, the disproportionate amount of Satanists is probably not doing tulpas any favors when it comes to not wanting to be associated with harmful demons. 😜)

[winged-rat]

conception of human perception /chapter.2

Chapter 2 

As we road, i learnt more about my strange new guide and what was happening to me, according to him he said that what was happening to me was a process known as ‘aviation’ and is very rare and very un researched or known about, just known in legends, what takes place in the process or what will happen to me he said he didn’t know but something about his tone made me think otherwise, afterall why would i trust a guy with a tv for a head and sounds likes he’s being constantly broadcasted on a 1950s radio, anyways, the tv man said that his name was stanford or ‘stanly for short’ he said with his usual broadcaster tone to him he actually said that he was the mayor of this strange avalon and that he was having a stroll thru the field and came across me, i can feel those quills poking me in the back and as the car slowly shuttered and chuttered to a halt stanly turned to me ‘’now then dearest friend, i must warn you my neighbours aren't  keen to outsiders as i said before we do not get many visitors never the less one thats at strange looking as you’’, a polite way of saying that these citizens may try to kill me most likley, but after today that was the most unsurprising thing ive been told, i stepped out from my car to be revealed to a  town that was so familiar yet distant to me i almost felt id been there before, the roads were plain no markings like they have usually just blank concrete and the buildings, they were like play ones they were almost all painted a pastel colour usually pink but on the off occasion their would be a blue or yellow one and the only decor to be seen was the light being projected by street lamps, no litter no trash cans just hedges, as though i was in a tv set up. At that moment i wanted someone to tell me that this was all just an elaborate prank but that never happened.

‘’Welcome new neighbour to avalon’’! He announced to me ‘’do follow me good friend its getting late, you don’t want to be out for too long here or else’’ he said to me my brain flashed to those last words ‘or else’ panking i followed him close behind, we passed a few more pastel houses and brightly lit streets and he brought me to a seeming manor house, it was huge i assumed this was stanly’s house after all he was the mayor, must be dragging in quite the paycheck ‘’welcome friend wilbur to my home’’! He announced his speakers letting off a weird clapping effect ‘’come now inside its almost sundown. He was right it was dark out but i could hardly tell due to the amount of light that was being shone from those fluorescent lights, he showed me thru the entrance the house had two spiral staircases leading to more rooms above, the wall paper was hideous a tangent stale yellow colour i didn't say anything though as not to offend him and he lead me to a room ‘’ah you see i wasn't expecting visitors but you can use my spare room for now is that alright’’? Stanley said ‘’yes that's fine thank you’’ he was such a polite guy i still didn't trust him, i hadn’t even seen a single citizen in this town yet for all i know he could be the only one here and he’d tricked me now holding me here prisoner. He seemed to have been looking at me when he said ‘’alright you can stay here for as long as you need, i don't share this huge house with anyone and to be quite honest i'm happy to have you as a guest even though your situation is a curiosity to me as well as a tragedy’’ i looked at the blank screen on his head showing no emotion but his voice displayed a lot of feeling ‘’thank you’’ i finally said, ‘’your welcome’’ he replied ‘’it is late’’ he glanced to his watch ‘’you should get some sleep’’ he said in a calm tone ‘’okay..’’stanley slowly shut the door and i turned the light on, the room was very empty, much like the rest of this place to be honest, the only objects that were filling it were a small single bed with a rose embroidered cover on it and a mirror, i walked up to the mirror to look at myself, i then realised what i looked like, my hair was the same scruffy brown it always was but my eye, one of my eyes were completely blank, no pupil nothing, but my other was fine, i had the same outfit on i can remember vividly, a baggy white tank top with some green shorts, i felt a twinge in my back so i removed my t-shirt then felt a rush of relief, ‘finally ah that's so much better’ i felt my feathers stretch and spread, and it was a glorious feeling i had been hiding it but with them compressed on my back it was so painful like an ache you cant get rid off. I turned my head around to look at them, they were jet black and spiked the centre of my torso is where it was the worst, like a pile of coal the quills all squashed together in the centre and now without my shirt they were pointed and brisley, but as they got to the bottom of my hip and the top of my neck the feathers seemed to get smaller and thinner, i turned back to look at the mirror ‘what is happening to me’.

I decided to keep the t shirt off as i slept it was just too uncomfortable to keep it on and i flipped back the covers to the mattress, and layed down, on my stomach the feeling of the blanket on my back unsettled me so i turned it into a tight roll to my side and closed my eyes.

Midnight, i woke up gasping and sweating like crazy i rushed over frantically to switch the light on knocking the mirror a bit as i did so, pain filled my body and anxiety as i stumbled to the mirror to look at myself, they were growing, plumes of mass erupting from my skin. I collapsed to the floor in a huge heap, wanting to give up, it was like I'd just been injected with some sort of poison. Its effects had just started. I clutched my head as I constantly flinched and shuttered from soreness and discomfort as the plumage kept coming. Finally after what seemed hours i felt a rush of relief i unclenched my fists from my head, and i looked up to see stanley in the doorway ‘’by jove wilbur are you alright’’! He rushed to me and knelt to my side i was huddled at the foot of the bed ‘’great scott y..your’’ my heartbeat was rapid and so was my breathing, stanley noticed he didn't say anything just continued to sit besides me at the foot of the bed we didn't say anything for a while before he said finally ‘’its, 1:00’’ he was staring at his watch, ‘’w..what's happening to me’’ i finally said ‘’y..y..you said it was something called aviation w..what even is that i..’’ i stumbled on my words and my eyes began to drip ‘’i..i want to go home’’! I yelled that Stanley's mood changed to caring too frightened and he hastily covered my mouth ‘’I'm sorry but could you please keep your voice down’’! He said, whispering yet loudly. I felt a rush of fear, fear i had not received from stanley since i met him, his hand was tightly around my mouth as though he was desperately hoping i hadn't woken something or someone, after a while he finally let go ‘’apologies, but it is late’ he said his tone almost cracking ‘’you must keep your voice down you understand, it’ll find you’’ he said at normal volume.

‘’What will’’? I inquired 

‘’The entity’’ he responded ‘’is it looking for me’’? I almost yelled again ‘’yes..’’ he replied coldly. ‘’Why, I mean , is it hunting me or something’’? I asked ‘’no just searching and we cannot let it find you, you understand’’? Stanley's voice had changed when i met him his tone was always cheerful and bubbly but now it was stale and cold i still didn't trust him but this entity sounded dangerous and the way stanley was behaving lead me to believe that i should go with him for now till i discover a way out of this place for myself, so i nodded 

‘’Okay..’’ 

[nepenthendline]

S/O that self-harms and has an eating disorder -  Tsukishima, Tendou and Sugawara

TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD: SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDERS

I’m dumb and accidentally posted this half done so thats why the requests are in screenshots 

I’ve added these two requests together as they’re about the same topic. Firstly I just wanted to let anon though that I’m absolutely fine writing about these topics so you don’t need to worry! I will, however, make it extremely clear on these posts about the trigger warnings and I won’t go into intense detail so that it’s more accessible, I hope that’s ok! And thank you for your lovely words! 🥰🥰 I have added trigger warning tags for those who need to blacklist this, but please please let me know if you need me to add any others

I know there are so many people who are struggling with these issues, especially at the moment with covid, I’ve been there too and I’m still dealing with these things myself so I want you to know that if you need to talk to someone, or you’d like an emergency request, then my askbox and messages are always open. You are not alone, you are not ‘strange’ for dealing with these things, and I promise you things will get better, I’m already proud of any progress you have made and you should be too. It’s ok to have worse days and to fall back into negative spaces, you’re human!

Also, these will be following my own mental health hcs of these guys that I’ve already posted so check that out first!

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima is the one who understands this the most

he’s been there, he’s struggled with those things and he is still fighting

if you didn’t tell him upfront about your struggles, he would have easily found out by himself quite quickly

since he has been through it himself, he knows the warning signs to look out for, so when you start covering your arms more often even with the hotter weather, or make a passing comment that you aren’t hungry at meal times, he knows it’s his time to step up as a support system

he isn’t going to be particularly forward about it, he’s not the type to come up to you out of the blue and ask questions because he knows some of them can’t be answered, so he takes things into his own hands

he spends more quiet time with you, just the two of you cuddling in your bed as he brushes his fingers over your body

while it may seem like a usual calming display of affection, he is really searching your body for any marks or wounds that are new

he tries to coax your feelings and worries out of you, telling you that you can trust him and that he isn’t going to run away

he knows that he can’t expect you to open up without him doing so either, so he lays himself out for you

he tells you what he has been through, he shows you the scars on his body, he lets you into his heart and his head so that you know you aren’t alone

once you both spill your stories, you don’t talk about it much after that, you both know what is going on so it’s just a matter of taking care of each other

regarding food, he isn’t going to force you to eat huge meals, because he has a small appetite even when he’s eating perfectly fine

but he is going to try and get you eating little amounts consistently throughout the day

you don’t want to eat a full meal? that’s fine, but he is going to be passing you little snacks every few hours so that you at least have some fuel in your body

he’s a smart guy, he knows how the body functions at its best and he will do his best to teach you too in hopes that knowing what your body needs and how it reacts to certain situations will aid you to treat it better

he’s not going to wrap you up in bubblewrap and shield you from the world either, but he will do his best to make sure that there isn’t anything you can easily hurt yourself with in your reach

he’ll put sharp objects on the top shelves, saying it’s just to piss you off about your height

he also always keeps a first aid kit on him in case of emergencies, something he has gotten into the habit of over the last few years

he’s not going to sit there and tell you everything is going to be perfect or to just ‘get over it’, it’s going to be a long process with both of you learning and fluctuating every day, but you’ll both get there eventually

Tendou:

Tendou is extremely attentive, he knows exactly when your mood has changed or if something is wrong

he’ll leave it for a little while to see if you’ll come to him yourself, but if you don’t, then he’ll start asking questions

they start off as simple, casual questions to check up on you, like ‘how are you feeling today?’, ‘how was your day today?’, before they go into specifics if he feels like you aren’t being honest with him

he’s the type of guy that makes ‘jokes’ about his depression, even going as far as joking about suicide or self-harm, and when he notices you flinch ever so slightly at his words, he knew what was going on

he brings it up one day as if talking about the weather while reading manga together

“you’ve been hurting your own body, haven’t you?”

he tries to keep the conversations a light-hearted as possible, saying how you are now ‘scar buddies’ as he lifts up his shorts to show you his thighs

he understands that what he says isn’t really going to do much, but he’s still going to shower you with compliments and affection in the hopes that it brightens your mood and distracts you even a little

distraction is his main way of helping you - if he can keep you busy then there’s less chance of you hurting yourself in his eyes

he’s going to call you over or turn up to your room unannounced with a book in hand to read together, or invite you to cuddle with him as you have an anime binge session, he also wants to make sure you’re getting outside enough so walks to get ice-cream and sit in the park happen frequently

he knows he can’t ‘cure’ you or actually make things better, so he mentions about seeing a therapist if you aren’t already and he will support you every step of the journey if you do decide to seek help

like Tsukishima, he also has a smaller appetite in general so he doesn’t expect you to eat tons

he uses prompts often to try and get you to eat more, such as “babyyyy I’m hungry, let’s go down to the cafeteria together and get some food ok?” or “I bought this jumbo pack of ramen but I can’t eat it all myself, come give me a hand?”

he likes getting you sweet treats too, they often make him feel a little perkier so he hopes they will for you as well

he isn’t going to give them any details, but he will ask his team to keep an eye on you if he isn’t around

he likes to use rating systems with you to determined how you’re doing in the day, whether that be on a scale of 1-10, or texting him a particular emoji that signals if you’re having a bad day

he will never get mad or annoyed at you if you relapse, he understands its a journey that will have it’s ups and downs, but he always reminds you of how far you’ve come and how proud he is

Sugawara:

out of these three boys, Sugawara is the one who understands this the least

he’s never dealt with this issues himself, and he has never been around those who have besides those who struggle with anxiety

even though he can’t empathise, he is naturally an extremely caring person so he wants to do his best to understand

he reads up on self-harm and eating disorders to learn about how they originate, how to notice warning signs and what he can do to help you best

he comes to you a lot as well, asking if there is anything he should know or that he can do for you

while he may not notice these issues themselves straight away, he is always checking up on you in general so he can tell if there is something a little off

it breaks his heart to know that you intentionally harm yourself and it takes him a little while to wrap his head around it

he knows he can’t do much to help the issues you face directly, so he makes sure you are keeping up with more general self-care, such as showering, getting some little exercise everyday, indulging in your hobbies and talking to him and other friends

if you need to rely on him for a little while you’re trying to get back on your feet then that’s fine with him, he is more than happy to remind you to do things to take care of yourself and help you do them too

Sugawara is the most forward when it comes to you getting help from a doctor or therapist

he has a couple serious talks with you about how you need to find a method of battling this, whether that be therapy or medication

as much as he wants to be, he can’t take this away from you

he starts stocking his bag with emergency items too, things like bandages, healing ointment or any safe foods that you can eat

to help your eating, he does his best to make food become part of your regular routine in hopes that it will make eating become more familiar and less daunting

this means regular meal times and creating lists of safe foods with you that you feel you can eat better than others

he will do his best to make sure all your meals have the right nutrients for your body and also recommend you take vitamin supplements daily in case you have a bad eating day and cannot get them through your food

it frustrates him that he can’t do more for you, or that he can’t understand exactly how you feel, but he never shows you that

he will always have his arms open for you if you need support and he will never ever blame you for the struggles you deal with, he reminds you constantly that there will be better days and he is going to be with you through all of them

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: Phallic Judgement"

*Surprisingly, Dionysus had gone back to Rome to cause more mischief with Hermes, this time they've brought Ares along*

Dionysus: *again disguised as a wine seller* ok gentlemen, behold. The foulest creatures to crawl on the face of the earth. *Shows just random Roman citizens*

Ares: *who for some reason decided he wanted to disguise himself as the world's most intimidating slave* ......ugh....the goats? *Sees a goat*

Hermes: *cleverly disgusted as farmer* haha no. You see, these guys are absolutely weird. They insist of "rationing" Sapa, they have taxes for literally existing and above all.....their wine is watered down! But they have the best bread I've ever tasted though.

Ares: ... really?

Dionysus: don't be fooled by their baked goods my dudes. These are cruel and unrelenting scum folk. Uncultured, ignorant, and above all....they've inslaved every single country they've conquered.

Hermes: .....it's mostly about the wine isn't it?

Dionysus: ....*turns dramatically* their most unforgiving sin.

Ares: *has wondered off to see a statue of himself*.....my dick isn't THAT small.......*looks at the name plate saying "Mars"* ......I can't believe these guys misspelled my name....*takes some charcoal, scratches out Mars and writes Ares*

Centurion Gaurd: Excuse me slave! Where is your master! Slaves are not allowed near the devine statue of the gods.*sees that Ares has wrote his name on the statue's nameplate* What the?

Ares: *doesn't know the centurion was referring to him considering he's in disguise* .........*turns to the see the back of the statue* ....at least they got the ass right.

Centurion Gaurd: EXCUSE ME! Please stop making remarks about the sacred statue! You've defaced sacred property!

Ares: *slowly peaks over to the centurion* ....hey ugh there's a thing on your helmet*

Centurion Gaurd: oh really? *Pats around his helmet* where?

Ares: *points to the centurion's face* There's a shit attitude a little all over your FuCkInG ugly mug.

Centurion Gaurd: *realising what he meant* YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Dionysus: *walks into the situation* Oh there you are Skippy! Bad boy I thought I told you to stay close to me and not open your mouth! *takes a little stick and weakly whips Ares's shoulder with a single thing of wheat*

Ares: *confused* ...wut?

Centurion Gaurd: Is there YOUR disrespectful slave?

Ares: wait you said I was going to be a noblem-*gets a loaf of bread in his mouth by Hermes*

Hermes: please shut up or we'll leave you here to fend for yourself.

Ares: *kinda just enjoying the bread* hmfhmf.

Dionysus: You see my good sir, my slave is extremely stupid, dumb and has testicles the size of grapeseeds. He was used as a human kickball when he was an infant and was raised by goats. He can't help himself sometimes. *Tries to clean the charcoal off the statue*

Ares: *angry noises* ?!?

Centurion Gaurd: .....Ok...you have the pay the "Disrespectful Slave" tax fine.

Dionysus: .....*grumbles and takes a bag filled with gold coins* ....*gives it begrudgingly* .....*grits his teeth* have....a...good day.

Centurion Gaurd: *takes the gold and sees that it's drachma* .....hmm.....*takes out a piece of paper with a semi-crude wanted poster of Dionysus, Apollo and Hermes* ......hmm.....I watching you....sir. *leaves to find Mortus*

Dionysus: *turns to Ares and glares at him* ....you owe me 20 drachma.

Ares: *has finished eat the bread* Why? Don't these mortals know we're gods?

Dionysus: No! We're here in disguise so that was can destroy the city again. You are here to make sure the country doesn't get a chance to get back up.

Ares: Fuck yah. *Literally has no idea what he agreed to*

Hermes: *saw the wanted poster in the centurion's hand* ugh...guys we REALLY need to finish what we came here for because they're definitely on to us.

Dionysus: yeah yeah I know....come on let's go. I want to destroy the coliseum again.

Ares: what's a coliseum?

Dionysus: *suddenly a huge grin forms across his face* Hermes .....is the coliseum....open?

Hermes: let me check. *Literally speeds next to the coliseum and saw a Roman sign that says "Grand Re-Opening" and zips back to Dionysus* yeah. It's open.

Dionysus: perfect. *Pops a waterskin filled with wine, and chugs it* oh gods I'm FuCkInG dry. It's like this place sucks your very essence or something.

Hermes: hmm....yeah, shame really. *as he was following Dionysus and Ares, he accidentally dumbs into a familiar face* oops sorry miss.

Octavia: *turns around with a baby in her arms that looks suspiciously familiar* Oh pardon me sir. I didn't mean to bump into, the market seems rather busy today doesn't it?

Hermes: It's ok, I was just heading to-*knotices the baby* .....ugh...

Caius the baby: *smiles at Hermes as if he knew Hermes was his dad* ba-ba :D

Octavia: Oh sweetie, daddy is working. Oh children are so wonderous, even at a few months old, they have such an imagination. By the way, have we met before? You look so familiar....are you from the countryside?

Hermes: uuggggh *trying his best to not look Octavia in the eye* yeah, I get that all the time. Trust me I have some of my own, I mean children that is. Also no I don't think I have? *Literally hoping she doesn't recognize him even though he shape shifted into her husband a year ago*

Caius: *still happily cooing over his real dad*

Dionysus: come on buddy le-*put two and two together and scowls at Hermes* ......you didn't.

Hermes: ugh....

Dionysus: nevermind we're off! *He pulls Hermes to the direction of the coliseum*

Octavia: hmmm what a strange young man. He's handsome though.

Caius: *coos in disappointment* :(

*later*

Dionysus: *rubs his hands* hehehehehe....

Hermes: this better be worth it. I thought we would write our names on the temple walls here or something.

A Roman Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! This grand reopening of the Coliseum shall be in honor of our Lord and Emperor Caeser!

Caeser: *does the Royal British wave*

Dionysus: peeeeerfect.

Hermes: ......hey I got to ask...why did you bring Ares?

Dionysus: some bulky bastard is currently the head champion gladiator here, he use to live on Crete before the Romans decided to kidnap a few warriors there....let's just say my pettiness will come with effort.

Hermes: ......ok seriously man what are talking about?

Dionysus: look no one says that their dick is bigger than mine and actually gets away with it.

Hermes: ....you know....you could just smite someone. I mean it's not graceful....but it's effective.

Dionysus: hoho, I'm going to make this extra dramatic.

The Roman Announcer: And now! You're great champion, Maximus the Well-Endowed!

Maximus: *a huge, hulking man came out, roars out* HAIL CAESAR! *Leans to the announcer* I am going to get my 20 hot virgin women after this right?

Announcer: *whispers* yes yes. AND HIS CHALLENGER *looks at a note which was scribbled on his hand* ..... "Skippy the Not-Well-Endowed"! *Looks back his hand still not believing what he had read*

Ares: *is just happy to get into a fight, however was oddly enough only was only wearing a loin cloth and a helmet, armed with a shield and spear* ......oh boy, a whole stadium just for killing? These people rock!

Hermes: ........you didn't....

Dionysus: yep.

Ares: *steps side to side like an exited kid* comeoncomeoncomeonstartthefighting.

Maximus: Alright Skippy, time to end your tiny dicked existence. *Raised his sword on to Ares but Ares was able to break it with his helmet* !?

Ares: ....that's it?

Maximum: *confused* ugh....*waves to order in more weapons, all of which fail to hurt Ares*

Ares: .......aw come on...you guys have some shitty ass weapons. Bet YOUR weapon is just as shit.

Maximus: grrrrr.....YOU PUNY SLAVE! *Rips off his armored skirt* See! You're fucking wrong!

Roman crowd: *gasps*

Dionysus: .....

Hermes: *whistles* holyshit....dude this guy is hung.

Dionysus: If there's one god who can contest me....the only god who's dick is so epic, so powerful, so irresistible, so near perfect......that Aphrodite can't FuCkInG resist it on a daily basis.

Hermes: Heracles?

Dionysus: No buddy, Ares. Ares is the guy who's dick is better than mine I mean come on a guy who shags the goddess of love more times than any living thing HAS to have something going on down there

Some Roman Karen: EXCUSE me is pronounced Venus! We don't use greek words here.

Dionysus: Please leave me alone lady.

Some Roman Karen: *rhees in anger*

Dionysus and Hermes: *both are struggling to ignore her*

Ares: ....ok...that dick of your isn't that great.....*rips off his loin cloth* .....THIS....is a dick.

Crowd: *the women and gay men swoons over the perfect of Ares's bare body, men quake and cringe at their own feeble members and put to shame*

Caesar: *completely unimpressed and decided to leave* hmf. Pathetic.

Maximus: *wriggles in shame* HOW c-C-C-could this be?! The most PERFECT COCK? Oh my gods why is it fucking glowing?!

Ares: ....what you don't shave yourself weekly? I mean come on man that's how you keep the ladies coming back?

Maximus: *starts crying a little*

Dionysus: *cackling uncontrollably* SO THATS HIS SECRET! *writes on a piece of paper saying "shave, dick, weekly"*

Hermes: *still not fully understanding why all of this* ........you brought Ares here JUST to emasculate some gladiator?

Dionysus: Oh much more than that Herms.....much much m-

Roman Karen: EXCUSE YOU SIR ITS MERCURY!

Dionysus: *has had enough and turned her into a chicken* there much better.

Hermes: .....are you ok? Did you have your wine today?

Dionysus: I RAN OUT OF WINE LONG AGO!

Hermes: *deep sigh* not again.

Ares: *now in full naked display* ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? *The crowd roared and cheered*

Dionysus: well....yah want to set the animals free from their cages?

Hermes: fuk ye-*feels a tough and strong hand practically crushing his shoulder* .....*turns to see an old man who clearly was Zeus* .....

Zeus: .....boys.....

Dionysus and Hermes: .....Uh Oh.

Zeus: *took each of them by their ears like a discontented mother* you're BOTH grounded for bothering these mortals and above all abusing the dark, unholy power of the sacred male member ....if I had a third arm it would be reserved for Ares. *Looks down at Ares now just doing some naked dance for the crowd*........*deep and disappointed sigh*

Dionysus: but dad, I do that like everyday.

Zeus: I don't care if I don't discipline you or Hermes right the now, Hera will have MY male member nailed to the wall.

(Later that day)

Mortus: *inner noir detective monologue* after several months, nothing. Absolutely nothing. The suspects disappeared from the face of the empire. Likely their crimes have caught up with them. My only consolation to solving this case....is the mysterious birth of my son and my faithful wife. .... speaking of which...why does Caius have blue eyes? Me and Octavia have brown.....did ...she?....nah that's impossible.

The Centurion from earlier: MY LORD! I FOUND THE SUSPECTS!

Mortus: *dramatically turns around* This better be the right ones this time.

*much later after apparently an orgy broke out at the coliseum*

Mortus: .... Absolutely disgusting. Practicing Sexual Festivities without a license is punishable by crucifixion, Mark.

The Announcer (Mark): B-b-but sir! It wasn't my fault! Some slave was to challenge Maximus and they just decided to remove their clothing and everyone went wild! ....to be fair the slave did look a little attractive BUT the fornicating ceased once the slave disappeared.

Mortus:....was he accompanied by a portly, dark haired ..... individual?......an extremely attractive blonde slave and a thinner more athletic young man with brown hair?

The Announcer: ...hmm...well yes minus the other slave.

Mortus: Hmmm.....the plot thickens.....are these the mysterious criminals that destroyed the coliseum last year?....What is the motivated behind these depraved individuals?.....

The Announcer: ugh...why are you talking to yourself?

[help4femmecdgurls]

So...lets kill another obstacle to Barbi's goals...

"Im awful manly..."

Well that is a problem. How do we fix it??

Theres lots to cover here (pun intended). But there are a lot of subtle things that you can do over time that will create the gurl you wish to be. Subtlety is key if you're a secret gurl. If not, then speed up the process...

The feminine illusion has many parts. Body shape, body appearance facial look, mannerisms, etc.

For reshaping the body...first get fit. Exercise for a slim physique. There are many available bras, breastforms, silicone pads/enhancers etc available to give you the chest that announces you as a woman. Your hips can be treated much the same, with many pads and inserts available to feminize your backside. Waist training with cinchers will help develop your hourglass shape, and wearing corsets is a fantastic way to display your feminine curves.

Your bodys appearance, besides its shape, is a matter of skin care. And shaving. Everyone has their own fav methods, but being hair free is a must for the illusion. From ears to ankles is optimum. Trim/thin out your arm hair too, finding a balance thats manly by day but wont diminish your femme illusion at night. Exfoliating and moisturizing your whole body is important too, as healthy glowing skin is a femme attribute to shoot for.

Your facial "look" is a huge part of the overall!! Makeup and related beauty is a million pages of info, so do research, watch videos, and PRACTICE!! Ive found that taking a selfie, and then running it through a makeup photo app will let you experiment on different looks and can help you find what works best for you. Then replicate it. Women make it look easy, but theyve been doing it everyday their whole life. Its NOT easy!!! Trust me, I still struggle mightily with it!! But dont get discouraged!! Practice...and remember that less is usually more here. Finding other gurls, local makeover services, etc are a great help as well!!

Mannerisms and how you carry yourself is another realm where practice is key. Walking like a woman, and doing it in heels is another time consuming effort thats mandatory. Nothing bursts the femme bubble faster than a gurl that walks like a macho man!!! Small, short delicate steps keep you looking girly and accentuate that "sway"... Again, videos and tutorials are a great resource. Other small nuances include the weak wrist, the coy smile, flinging your hair (wig?), keeping your knees together, the wink, crossing your legs, and a ton of other delicate motions... Watch cis women and observe these things and how theyre done. While we see these things done every day, we have to really disect them in order to copy them.

💕❤💕-Sis💋

If you dont believe me, check out this feminine and beautiful gif from @michellenightingale at the end of this post...shes got it, and you can too!!!

So the problem of "Im awful manly" is just a speedbump on the way to pretty, sexy gurlhood. Break it down into managle pieces, and in no time, Barbi will blend right in with the cis girls!!!

Next up: Im always busy..

1. #cd #gurl #cdgurl #cdgurlsupport #crossdresser #legs #stockings #nylons #heels #highheels #lingerie #panties #bi #bicurious #bisexual #gay #femme #femininity #femboy #pantyboi #mtf #Charlie #CharlieCD #Charliegurl #lgbt #lgbtq #gender #transgender #transition #tg #sex #transsexual #ts #trap #sexuality #support #help4femmecdgurls #SamanthaIsabellaSpikes #reachingyourgurlgoals

[oysterbarfugitive]

heeyy! (:

I’ve been on here for a while already and i haven’t said anything about myself or introduced myself at all for the whole 5 people that somehow decided to follow me. If you couldn’t already tell from the fact that I’ve been on here for months and I still haven’t said anything of my own, I am a huge procrastinator, like I’m literally the worst. Times, schedules, due dates, deadlines I am actually horrible with. I am quite literally the biggest procrastinator you will ever meet, I got other things to do ya know? 

There are many things that seem to almost be wired into my brain to  the point that I can't help but do them. One of them being that unfortunately I care wayy too much about other people’s opinions of me. I hate when people don’t give me a chance before making up their mind on who they think i am, and I’ve accepted that thats one of my many flaws. I struggle a lot in that way because I end up screwing myself over by wasting my own energy on things I can't control. I am very selective of who I trust and open up to, but sometimes I get scared of my own vulnerability which makes me overthink everything considering I am so emotional. I think deeply and feel even more so. I'm extremely empathic so I feel everything, a lot. I’m a very intuitive person and read people very well, I normally find out other people’s intentions way before they would like me to, so whenever you need advice, that makes me a pretty good person to talk to. 

I love to listen to other people’s thoughts, emotions and problems. I want to hear your mind and feel your heart. I love art, in whatever medium it’s displayed in, I love it. I also think thats part on the reason I love this site so much. I enjoy writing, drawing, singing, photography but I really don’t know if I’m any good in any of that tbh, so I don’t really share that with anyone. I'm passionate about a million different things and I'll probably find a million more to fall in love with in this lifetime honestly. I only do it for myself anyways, if it makes me happy, I don’t have to have anyone else’s approval.... Right? 

On a side note, I reaaalllyyyy dislike school. I just don’t like it, it kills all the fun in learning and knowledge not to even mention the stupid social statuses or superficial bs people have in school. I love learning but it's forced down our throats instead of letting us have curiosity and find joy in it. Ofc I love seeing my friends and all, but people are so fake sometimes and I hate it. On the academic side, I still like to get good grades even though I may act like I don’t care. Probably because I can’t stand to disappoint my parents, like at all. I just want to make to make them proud most of the time but I also do it for myself i guess. I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs which isn’t just because I don’t want to disappoint my parents, but more so to do with me not finding the appeal/not wanting to or just me thinking that it’s just plain stupid to do at my age. I hate knowing that so many people my age do it regularly like it’s normal, to the point where I’ve obviously considered it. Its gets to me especially when my friends or people I love do it, but i can’t change them or make choices for them, so I don’t want to judge them either even if I know it’s still a stupid fucking choice. There are probably a million different versions of me that i could've told you about, but i guess those are more of the definitive things that I can’t really change (or things that I don’t think are gonna change anytime soon). So after all the previous word vomit and inner stuff, my name is Gaby and I'm 14. I also live in Joburg. Anyways idek if anyone is gonna read this or if i typed this all for nothing. Anyways, peace.

[voidselfshipp]

The Mystery Before The Revelation

♡~♡~♡~♡

Jerico left the bed before Sherlock,he took a while to wash himself and dress.

He Walked down to the dinning room, and suddenly he bumps into a young black Man,with weird yellow scars down his eyes, his neck had a strange sun Mark covered by the neck of his shirt.

--Im sorry--the Man said--i suppose you are looking for my sister?

--Your....sister?im sorry but you dont look like much like her...

The Man snarls , being annoyed at the stupid comment-- shes adopted, im sorry mister Holmes but that question was very idiotic...

Sherlock looks down--im sorry

The other Man perks up a little smile--Shes waiting for you Sherlock,be kind to my sister....

And Sherlock sees him walk away.

--Aajab! Aajab goddamit! Come here!--Jerico gets out of the dinning room with a scowl-- Aajab halba! Come here!

The Man chuckles and grabs her hand--What happened my dear?

Jer growls and looks to the Man, and her face changes completly.

She hugs him, kissing him passionatly, as if they havent seen eachother for a long while.

--woah...--he said hugging her waist, picking her up, and catching that her right hand had the same Mark as the Man.

Stangely that Mark was also on the Doors....and carpets and all over the house.

He gasps softly.

He had to know!.

But he waited.

A Long while... some months.

But he, he was so in love, sneaking after meetings about the case, sleeping togheter at his house, see eachother whenever they could.

Dates....all of it seemed so perfect.

But of course...as it turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

The night before "the revelation" he went to sleep with jerico,she was deep asleep....dead of night he snuck into jericos fathers Office.

There...in the shelf.. a rare looking book.

He pulled it out, and the shelf changed, he ruminished through the chests, books and letters.

A lost civilization? A New culture?.

That makes so much sense.

The way of speaking,the weird altars, the food...the marks on their skin.

He suddenly yelps when he hears something breaking.

A lamp...the flame snuffed out,broken on the floor.

And jerico...Bawling her eyes out.

She runs away, he follows but she sneaks into her brothers room, who got out to the door.

He was kicked out shortly after.

Curiosity Killed the cat indeed.

And finally the day came.

It was a big event, royalty,peaseants all in a big crowd.

--We are here to reveal ourselves!--Ray said,as jerico stood behind him with her brother, silent--We call ourselves terrans, its time for all of Us to come togheter!

We have been waiting for this day for a long time, the royalty present, the marquesses here and the queen herself are Witness to our culture!, we arent here to hurt anyone....

And so a display of story,artifacts, all that could back the evidence up.

The people were amazed, and quickly sung praises at them.

--and here is my beautiful daughter...she Will give testimony of my words

Ray smiles at jerico , patting her back, reassuring her.

She takes a handfull of air--I know you May have questions...maybe you feel scared of us...but I need you calm dear world...., we want to help you, to make this world thrive,we also went through battles...wars, we hurted and healed...I beg of you....let us help our arms are Open.

We May seem weird...we May see inhuman to some....but we feel,my heart was broken last night by someone I trusted, I felt hurt...because im human too we are human too....so what do you say people of london?,would you let Us help you?

The crowd roars in approval, clapping and cheering.

Jer catches a glimpse of Sherlock who with tears in his eyes smiles at her.

She smiles back and shortly after walks away.

He sighed heavily. His heart aching.

And so the world started to change that day.

And that night Sherlock Will do things right.

He snucked in or so he thought.

He stumbled upon vica, and aajab, who almost beated his shit up,but decided to Keep his cool for the sake of both and his sister.

She was writing a letter, and she looks up to him.

--Youve came here to steal more secrets Sherlock?

He sighed and entered his room--Only your heart my love....

He sits on the desk and takes her hand kissing her knuckles.

She looks down.

--i am sorry...I violated your trust...I shouldnt have snucked and asked later after the revelation...jerico I thought the mystery of your people was what pulled me to you...but in truth its you..it always been you my dear...youre my moon my sun and my stars...my whole Galaxy and the true mystery before the revelation...youre mad at me...im not gonna force you to forgive me...but if you do know that I love you...and that im so terribly sorry...

Jer has tears on her eyes, and with a huge smile she hugs him tightly, and kisses him before he can say anything.

--i forgive you Sherlock...so...what do you need to know?

And thats how they fell asleep during the talk between questions.

Terrans are weird...they are eccentric they are loud and proud...and kind and humanitarian.

They were a true mystery...but some things are best ignored.

Jerico is on a swing, on a big tree,sherlock pushing her.

He stands infront of her and making her jump picking her up and kissing her.

--I love you my dear

He said kissing her jaw, then her cheek and then her lips.

--I love you too

She was the only mystery he cared about.

Now both in the hot tub he hugs her tightly and presses a kiss to his head.

Shes a mystery,and he was a detective.

They were meant to be.

[ais-n]

2| and where is the trauma? both hsin and boyd were severely sexually abused. and emilio's illness is always treated as a joke. look Ais, your series has done me so much good between the bad it did. i found i'm gay lmao and i'm grateful for that. i'm grateful that you wrote this ok. but there are things that were offensive, and maybe it was unconscious, since i doubt you wanted to be racist or write a mlm relationship but more like hetero. i wish i could just enjoy the books but my heart breaks

3| idk what the one who questioned that could possibly mean between all the things but thats what i mean. i appreciate you a lot. i hope this didn’t make you feel worse or whatever. but some people really did end up hurt badly after reading icos and im one of them. with all respect, and hope that i didnt disturb you much, farewell.

++++++++++++

Aha I just realized I can put both 2nd and 3rd asks in one! Which is good because, again, the gay comment makes me laugh out loud XD As I said in the other post, thank you again for reaching out, for explaining your concerns, and for the courage you no doubt had to bring forth in order to do so.

I’m getting right into the answers in this one although I will probably ask more questions for clarification on some of the points, as I did on the first one, to make sure I’m not misunderstanding or misinterpreting anything.

More below the cut! :)

EMILIO’S ILLNESS

I’m really sorry but I wasn’t sure what you meant by that. Which illness? How is it treated as a joke? Could you clarify? 

TRAUMA

So this I thought was super interesting that you felt there was no representation of trauma in ICoS, or I assume you also mean its aftereffects. That’s actually one of the few points I feel pretty confident saying the series does portray a lot of, both in some cases the experience of it and in other cases the repercussions. 

One of the reasons both of them are so severely dysfunctional individually and together is because of trauma.

I don’t want to muddy up this post with a huge tangent but someone had asked a few years ago about the result of the Aleixo mission on Boyd, if he was diagnosed with anything, and so on. If you’re interested, I wrote a long ass reply about the psychological effect of sex trafficking on survivors/victims and talked about some of the things you see Boyd do that are a bit reflective of that. More info at https://aisness.wordpress.com/2015/01/28/boyd-aleixo-psychology/

I think there probably would be more information on all this by now, or at least I certainly hope there would be, but at the time of writing Fade that was the sort of research that was available. 

Although, full disclosure, I don’t tend to write characters looking up the DSM symptoms for this or that; I write what feels right for them psychologically, mentally, emotionally, and oftentimes later look it up and realize they would have likely been diagnosed with this or that thing or they could be displaying traits of this or that.

At any rate, with Boyd, his trauma started early on, and pretty much everything about him is a reflection of that in some form. I don’t see trauma as specific to sexual assault; it’s most certainly a result of that but also of many other things. Boyd dealt with a lot of neglect and/or emotional abuse as a child, he was bullied by his peers, and generally speaking it was difficult for him to feel like he belonged anywhere. He was very often judged by others, often negatively, for things completely outside of his control, like his parents, their jobs, his home, the amount of money his family had, his looks, etc. 

If you look at the Mayo Clinic’s list of child abuse, Boyd falls pretty well under emotional abuse and a bit under neglect, and you can especially see the toll that had on his personality by reading the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse in particular:

Loss of self-confidence or self-esteem

Social withdrawal or a loss of interest or enthusiasm

Depression

Avoidance of certain situations, such as refusing to go to school or ride the bus

Desperately seeks affection

And general symptoms:

Withdrawal from friends or usual activities

Depression, anxiety or unusual fears, or a sudden loss of self-confidence

An apparent lack of supervision

Self-harm or attempts at suicide 

If you look at Complex PTSD, and in particular Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD) you can see a lot of Hsin:

Attachment – “problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to others’ emotional states”

Behavioural control – “problems with impulse control, aggression, pathological self-soothing, and sleep problems”

Dissociation – “amnesia, depersonalization, discrete states of consciousness with discrete memories, affect, and functioning, and impaired memory for state-based events”

I wouldn’t say Hsin dissociates quite that extensively but I feel like he does display some dissociative tendencies at times.

Boyd has some too, like

Self-concept – “fragmented and disconnected autobiographical narrative, disturbed body image, low self-esteem, excessive shame, and negative internal working models of self”.

I think in some ways you could argue they both display aspects of:

Affect or emotional regulation – “poor affect regulation, difficulty identifying and expressing emotions and internal states, and difficulties communicating needs, wants, and wishes”

When Boyd was little, he often wondered why other people were treated better than him - why, when he was getting perfect grades, he was going above and beyond whenever possible, when he was trying to be “a good boy” all the time, when he went out of his way to stay quiet and not bother anyone – why, despite all his attempts, other people were celebrate yet he was reviled, even if the people being celebrated were awful people doing awful things. He used to study other people relentlessly, trying to understand what it was about them that made them acceptable and what it was about him that made him not.

That’s why, despite being such an introvert, he’s good at blending in and going undercover; it’s why he can adjust to new situations and, in a way, act - because he always had to monitor and adjust himself his whole life just to feel seen and loved. His dad loved him on his own so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but with the trauma that came from the loss of his dad, and what happened with Lou, plus everything afterward, it really messed everything up.

Boyd was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but more of emotional abuse. Well, I guess, I should say for the most part he wasn’t.

Hsin was definitely a victim of childhood sexual abuse and probably physical abuse (that bit I can’t recall for sure). He was raped even as a small child, and that led into different aspects of his life. One reason, for example, he would go berserk and was seen by the Agency as unreliable in cases of him seeing sexual assault was because he saw, in some way, himself in those victims. It was probably his way of protecting people when he hadn’t been protected, himself. 

I can’t speak too much on Hsin’s specific mental health status or repercussions because I didn’t write him so I’m not fully in his mind, but I do know that sort of berserker aspect is part of what came from his sexual abuse and physical abuse and just generally how he grew up. If I recall correctly, a lot of that led into why he was so unstable and dangerous when Emilio first found him; why it took so long to get Hsin to find a way to deal with the violence and aggression and anger in him, in addition to everything else that would have happened regardless of that childhood trauma. Why, too, it was such a huge deal when Boyd was able to earn Hsin’s trust, because he had learned in his life to trust almost no one.

You can see some of the way they both display aspects of C-PTSD as adults as well in the list at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_post-traumatic_stress_disorder#Adults

I should be clear: I am NOT a psychiatrist or psychologist so I’m not suggesting that they would be specifically diagnosed with any of these disorders were they to get official diagnoses. However, the reason I bring it up is to show that a lot of the series reflects the way their coping mechanisms lead them to interact within themselves and with the outside world, all of which is often directly or indirectly tied to trauma.

Why is Boyd so terrified of anyone seeing him without his shirt in the beginning? Trauma. Why is he depressed? Trauma. Why is he suicidal? Trauma. Why does he go out of his way to avoid a certain block? Trauma. I would have to look at specific symptoms of different things but I would guess that you could also tie back some of his instability and his sometimes inconsistent reactions to trauma as well. Sometimes he does things or says things that may seem a bit reckless, or cold, or some other unexpected thing at that time - and a lot of times it’s probably in part related to how he learned to cope with things and what his levels of defensiveness are or his fears are at that moment. But he also has a complete inability to see the good in himself for a long time which also ties back, I would think, to some of the things he experienced growing up/previously.

Boyd is an incredibly unreliable narrator. He spends most of his narration thinking about how awful he is, how he should just die, how he isn’t doing a good enough job, and so forth. Yet, that fails to show the impact of some of his choices and decisions. Boyd was pretty much the first person to treat Hsin like a normal human being, to not see him as a surrogate of anything or anyone, to not have any ulterior motives or expectations of him (no matter how well-intentioned), and to truly gain his trust as a result. Yet, Boyd didn’t really see it that way. He didn’t see how important it was for Hsin that he ended up in his life; he didn’t get why Hsin was exasperated the times Boyd said he (Boyd) should just die, that there was no value to his life. He didn’t believe he could be loved so he couldn’t see it was even a possibility at first. Therefore, he spends a lot of his narration over the series belittling himself and downplaying any of his own achievements while simultaneously rewarding or acknowledging what others around him are doing. Not every moment of his narration, of course, but his default state of self is to think he sucks and others are probably better.

Conversely, Hsin is a confident narrator. He often doesn’t doubt himself, doesn’t care what other people think, and is very sure of himself in a lot of aspects like his physical prowess which, itself, is already above and beyond nearly everyone else. Yet he also learned not to trust or rely on anyone else in his life, so he’s incredibly suspicious of others because that’s how he had to learn to be. So, especially in the beginning of the series, in his narration he tends to be very factual about his own achievements and not shy away from acknowledging the things that are powerful about him (even if he doesn’t always see it as anything that special), while simultaneously seeking out anything untrustworthy, unreliable, incompetent, or unworthy about those around him. His narration tends to point out the flaws of those around him because he learned that if he doesn’t protect himself, he’s vulnerable, and when he’s vulnerable he gets hurt.

The result of that is, if you read their narrations straight as if it’s all perfectly reliable, Boyd seems even more unreliable and Hsin seems even more perfect than they actually are, because their default states of being overlap in a manner which magnifies the flaws in Boyd and the merits in Hsin. 

Both of them learned to be how they were because of how they were raised, what they went through, and more. Same as how they react to various things throughout the series.

I can’t more specifically comment on anything without knowing what in particular you were thinking of when commenting in the ask about trauma and sexual abuse. But I think generally speaking, they already start the series having learned coping mechanisms that work for them based on trauma they already individually experienced. Those coping mechanisms end up oftentimes being challenged and at times destroyed or reworked throughout the course of the series. That is what leads to a lot of their ups and downs as individuals and as a couple; why their story isn’t a straight arc going up but instead derails a lot. And why they both spend the entirety of the series coming to terms with who they are both internally and externally, and what that means for their relationship, and how they can find a way to grow as a person and a significant other. They both ultimately have to work on trust; Boyd has to learn to trust himself, Hsin has to learn to trust others, and they have to learn to trust each other.

The way people deal with trauma is not the same for everyone. Sexual abuse doesn’t result in the same reaction for all people. I’m not sure if maybe one of the things you were thinking is maybe about sexual abuse during the series itself? I already linked something that goes more in depth on Fade so I won’t touch on that book, and I really can’t speak for Hsin because he isn’t my character so I don’t want to misrepresent his thought process as hidden behind narration or actions at different points.

The only other thing I can think of that maybe you’re thinking about is Boyd’s valentine status, and how he doesn’t seem to have overtly strong reactions to anything until Fade. If that’s one aspect of what you were thinking about, part of that is just how Boyd deals with things. He tends to avoid things that are difficult for him or he has difficulty focusing on, and oftentimes shuts down emotionally. 

I think honestly he probably dissociated to some extent during a lot of things; kind of separated his body from his mind and felt like whatever happened, happened. For a lot of the time that he was a valentine early on, he had such little love for himself that regardless of how upsetting anything was, how little he wanted to do certain things, he felt on some level like he deserved it. Some things were probably a subconscious form of self-punishment for being born, for being who he is, for surviving when Lou didn’t, for surviving when his dad didn’t, for never being enough for his mother, for just plain existing. Then as time went on he grew to rely on Hsin and find strength in him. It’s also not like every mission he had was a valentine one, or even that every valentine has to end in anything physical. 

That’s why he was able to find ways of dealing with things in some form, even if he didn’t like it or was uncomfortable at times, until the Aleixo mission. He thought he knew how to handle things; he thought he had found apt coping mechanisms. But that mission tore that all apart and nearly destroyed him. His coping mechanisms didn’t work the way they had and now he had to find a new way to survive, and from there came a lot of his instability and more that you see in Fade and as I mention in that blog post.

But in short, I feel like the majority of the series ends up touching, indirectly or directly, on some form of trauma as experienced currently or in the past by one or more of the main characters, and their resulting actions then drive the plot. That is one thing we were very specific about doing: having the plot adjust to the characters rather than force the characters to adjust to the plot. That’s why Afterimage exists, actually; the original plan was sort of like 3/4 of Evenfall and then kind of jumping into aspects of Fade. But we realized at the end of Evenfall that certain things would occur which would then lead to Afterimage and Afterimage then led into aspects of Interludes, which then led into aspects of right before Fade, which then affected a huge part of Fade itself, which then informed 1/27. We didn’t set out to write a series specifically about trauma, it’s just sort of one of those things that happens if you take two characters who have been treated so cruelly or poorly for so much of their lives, and put them together as any sort of team - but especially a team that becomes a couple, and a couple that becomes all but married.

+ +

Regarding the other stuff, I haven’t had a chance yet to check if you answered my question about the hetero relationship comment, so I can’t comment on that until I know more of what you mean. But I would say that generally speaking, I don’t know that I believe it’s necessarily fair to label anything as strictly “hetero” vs “m/m” vs anything else for a relationship. That brings with it a lot of assumptions of what it means to be not only gay or LGBTQIA+, but also straight. It seems to suggest there is only a single way or a very strict set of ways for a cis male and a cis female to be together both in a relationship and to have sex, and I guess I don’t feel like that’s necessarily reflective of reality. People are very complex and so are their relationships, as well as their sex lives.

I’m not sure how specifically the series ended up hurting you but I’m very sorry you felt hurt by anything. That’s a terrible feeling to have to experience. I hope that in whatever way, however it may work best for you, you have the time and space to reflect and recover and rejuvenate. You, like everyone, deserve it.

And honestly, if that means you have to leave the series completely in your past, never to think about it again, if that’s what’s healthiest for you, I truly wish you are able to do so. Stories are there to connect with other people, to share our thoughts and sometimes help us work our way through our own while reading. No story is worth your mental health being put in question. If it is truly upsetting to you to think about the series, it is absolutely not worth your energy. You are more important than a story will ever be. Everyone is. And I say that despite how much I love and rely on stories to get me through life.

If part of your duress is you like aspects of the writing style but the series itself and its contents upset you, you could try reading some other stuff. I have some things I wrote solo that you can find on my AO3 if you want. But also you can find other writers entirely. Depending on what you’re looking for in a story, and the sort of topics you’ve learned work well for you or don’t work well for you, you should be able to find a ton of great series out there and great authors out there who will leave you with the happier aspects of your reaction to ICoS without anything more detrimental like it sounds happened for you with ICoS.

Regardless, I truly wish you the very best. As I said in the other one, please stay healthy and safe! And, if you’re in a place to manage it, stay happy as well :)

Brightest of blessings to you and yours, my friend!

[jimlingss]

pt.2 of yesterday

I don’t want to flood people’s dashes, so hopefully answering your messages here will suffice!

anonymous asked: Hi! I wanted to tell you how much I love your work and how you make me enjoy every Monday thanks to your regular updates ! I saw a previous anon telling you how your writings lacks of emotion and I totally disagree with them... obviously everybody won’t like it but your stories just DON’T lack of love or emotion this is madness I want to thank you for publishing your amazing stories freely here for everyone to read. (Sorry if my English is weird I’m french ejfjekfjd)

“this is madness” LOL

You’re hilarious, anon. And your english is perfectly fine!!!

anonymous asked: Hello! Im the culinary student anon who sent you an ask a while ago and i saw you received an ask about the lack of emotion from your stories. I read kitchen romance and i actually really really like it and don’t quite understand how it lacks in emotions as I interpreted the stories more like the beginning of the oc and jin’s love story and they are only starting to open up to each other so i guess thats why anon might feel like it lacks romantic vibe from both of the characters. (1)

Anonymous said: Just want to tell you that you’re one of the best writer and ive been following you for 2/3 years now, you never failed to amaze me with your writings!! All your stories are so well written that i sometimes wonder how do you come up with such an amazing plot every single time and your stories are always nice to re-read and the effort you pour into creating your stories is also admirable (2)

while i was reading kitchen romance and ive only started s&c (currently on chapter 4) i can say that its pretty similar with how it is irl (and the part where we find out jk is an iu fans reminded me of my ex-crush whose also a culinary student, i would like to tell you a story about it but ill just waste your time lol) , just want to send you a few encouragement and love for you and your writings *sending virtual hugs* (3) -👩🏻‍🍳anon

You’re too kind, thank you (and also, welcome back!). I’ll be frank, there was a hot second I was considering taking down Kitchen Romance but I didn’t cause I don’t want my efforts of editing it to go to waste asdfghjkl. I can’t believe you’ve been sticking around me for so long :’) it’s always nice to know some folks stay. Anyway, I’m glad that Sugar and Coffee is pretty similar to how it works irl since I tried my best to do research. I definitely love a good storytime as well so don’t worry about wasting my time :>

Anonymous said: a good majority of your fics display an unfathomable amount of DEPTH. regarding character development. plot. even the shortest lines of dialogue reveal so much more to the character and unveil their true emotions. i personally think the more REALISTIC side of love may be perceived as 'bland.' ‘emotionless.’ whatever you want to call it. nothing’s wrong with portraying a relationship that isn’t overboard with a whole lot of tooth aching fluff or lowkey annoying pda. +1

Anonymous said: there’s nothing wrong with taking out a bit of emotion to fit the PERSONALITIES of the characters. some people out there don’t necessarily feel a lot of emotions. so it’s honestly not really a mistake if a story lacks it (unless it was unintentional). subtlety is an art that is hard to master, but you’ve done it! and to respond to the anon, sometimes, if you skim through a fic without reading every word the author intended for you to read, +2

Anonymous said: then it’s quite common to not feel the full extent of the emotions you were supposed to feel. just a thought but no hate. we’re all entitled to our opinions. but besides that, kina, you write on a vast scale ranging from hardcore angst to diabetes-inducing fluff. and you do it beautifully. sure there are some stories that are better than others, but i believe a LOT of it comes down to personal preference and taste. +3

Anonymous said: even if you are feeling creatively limited, you work hard to continue writing for your readers, and your determination and diligence wILL NOT GO UNNOTICED. i just want you to know that you write amazingly. your syntax is practically immaculate, your characters feel real… the endings of your stories always wrap something up and the strings are tied—even if it isn’t necessarily a happy ending. you can convey hundreds of different characters through WORDS. +4

Anonymous said: i’ll have you know that it’s hard to write. it’s even harder to write about people who aren’t YOU. so as someone who looks up to you a lot, i want to commend you for your writing. some of your fics that i read on a monthly basis: tears of a villain, a piece of the moonlight, head over heels to hell, ghost in the machine, a mark of betrayal, a kiss of poison, until yesterday, the truth between us and arcadia. +5

Anonymous said: to be fair, there were way more fics but i didn’t want to make this message any longer than it already is LOL. i find these pieces wonderful. heart wrenching. and SO DAMN EMOTIONAL IT PLAGUES MY MIND FOR DAYS. also you’re literally one of the few fucking people who can use the em dash correctly. thank you so much for sharing your talent with us! +6

Oh my goodness. I don’t even know what to say, anon. This is a whole damn thesis and it’s about my fics :’> You know, it’s easy to brush off fanfiction as a ‘whatever’ thing and indeed, it isn’t that big of a deal compared to some things in the world. But I really do take all my stories seriously and put forth a lot of effort - so to see it recognized and appreciated it makes me beyond happy. It’s good to know that my efforts haven’t gone to waste at all and that there are people out there who will support me no matter the endeavours I take. Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me.

((Also, honestly I picked up the em dash usage after I wrote The Truth Between Us with gukyi who used it. I’m pretty sure I’m not using it right but to hear that I am, god damn that’s a breath of relief right there))

backtobleuside submitted: Are you kidding me!? Your stories don’t lack love at all. They’re the kind of fics that you read, soak it all in and then come back for more. I’ve cried so much when I read Beyond reach, Boo-lieve in me, A piece of the moonlight, His name, Tell me lies etc. etc, and also laughed and felt the emotions of not just the OC, but also the other characters. Kitchen Romance was also so fluffy and sweet and personally, I don’t think that anything needs to be added to it. Anyway, your fics do not lack emotion—you’re probably the first author I send a message to because your stories impacted me a lot and left a strong impression on me. I even imagine your characters as real people who have real lives that continue on even after the story is done.

asdfghjkl thank you :’) I see you every week and sometimes several times at that. I really appreciate your consistent feedback and following. You never fail to send me a message too which I appreciate a lot. I’m glad you’re enjoying everything I’m producing!!

youngfleurever said: Would just like to say that your fics do in fact make me violently sob to the boy where my eyes are so swollen I have trouble opening them the next day and I wake up feeling like there’s sawdust in my mouth because I’m dehydrated.

oh my god. please keep yourself hydrated hahahahhaha more importantly, how do you know what sawdust in your mouth is like. WHAT have you been doing LOL

Anonymous said: I’ve felt emotions that I’ve never felt before when I read your fics.... so as a person that has read your entire masterlist, I DO NOT think that your fics lack emotion.... I hope you don’t feel disheartened because you’re one of my favourite writers, not just on tumblr but like, evER 💓💓💓💓💓💓

Please, even if I was disheartened, the overwhelming amount of feedback and praise has completely overridden it :’)

joonie-mono said: when tumblr deletes the first part of your ask 🙄😌✌️

LOOOOOOOL

haylo4ever said: Sorry had to add my 10 cents. You're such a talented writer,,, I WISH I could write a smol smol 1/1000000000 that you write,,, like I remember when I followed you bc I was in awe of your writing.... I mean?? Sure maybe not every fic hits it with someone but it's just ridic to name drop (a friend nonetheless) when you're all extremely talented writers.

Trust me, writing comes with practice!! I should honestly just tattoo that on me. God knows my first fanfic was absolutely GARBAGE. I didn’t know pacing, didn’t know that I should separate chunks of paragraphs, how to write dialogue or describe scenes properly. I went in blind. Even my second, third and fourth fanfic was garbage. You could definitely get to “my level” or even far surpass it with enough dedication and practice. I mean I’ve been writing for four years, so thank GOD there’s been improvement. I wouldn’t be natural if there wasn’t. But clearly the more you practice, the better you improve! That applies to anything.

The me in ten years will certainly be better now.

Anonymous said: Hi kina! I’m here in support of kitchen romance! I actually didn’t feel like it was missing a ton of fluffy moments (and I say that as a huGE LOVER OF FLUFF) but the story was just as entertaining in the whole chase of them getting closer to each other! It’s honestly one of my favorite one shots I’ve read lately and I’m not saying that lightly! Also, that anon that said your work lacks emotion has probably not read like half of your masterlist bc oO MAN QUEEN OF MAKING ME CRY- black heart anon🖤

Thank you :’]

Anonymous said: Ok I’m very offended wow the audacity!Specially coming for my baby kitchen romance like that story made me feel so much and it’s only one of the many fics you have written kina like I’m literally baffled like dynasty has made me cry scream happy and hot all at the same time and I was literally just thinking about it that whole weekend and this anon has the nerve to say your stories lack emotions?When you are literally the queen of show casing all types of emotions in your stories!You did it all

Anonymous said: Also 😭😭😭😂😂😩hoooooooow and whereeee did they see any lack of love and emotions like have you read jungle park???? Inside my mind??? FREAKING SUGAR AND COFFEE (like this fic is made with love and I- ) Actually you know what , just read the whole masterlist😩😩💗💗💗

LOL tbh I didn’t expect Dynasty to receive the love it has. I was actually kind of wary when posting it cause it’s kind of Wild. 

bangtans-peaceful-piegon said: just gotta say u handled that whole anon thing so well which not only makes me admire u as a writer but even more as a person :] (i mean i knew u were gr8 before the whole deal but yeah love ya 💛)

tbh, I’m not sure how well I handled it cause I was flooded with over 30 messages afterwards (evidently) ;_; which I love and appreciate but I’m not really as hurt as some people think hahaha criticism should be received well but it’s still hard not to take personally tbh. It’s gonna have to be something I work on or perhaps it’ll be one of those things that I’ll take better with age.

[tekkai]

Tell us more about your relationship with Furry husband!!! What is the dynamic like????

Oh no don’t get me started. No but seriously thank you so much! I love him so much and this is an essay of my love to the leopard furry that is my husband

It really just boils down to the fact that I thrive for the opposites attract troupe and the idea of grouchy blood-thristy leopard man Rob Lucci with me, the human equivalent of a labrador, sends my heart aflutter. 

Long post beneath the cut 

I don’t believe people can change quickly or easily but I’m in love with the idea of two people helping each other grow and complementing the other’s strengths. 

I’m soft and sensitive while he’s cold and stoic. 

He’s my emotional rock, grounding me when I get over-whelmed. At the same time I’m very in touch with not only my own emotions but those of other peoples. I’m very sensitive and can read him quite easily. He trusts me enough that he’s starting to open up a little and I’m more than happy to help him explore the depths of his emotions. 

In exchange while I tend to get lost in the big picture, he’s able to focus and break down problems into smaller pieces. When I’m feeling overwhelmed he helps refocus my attention and has an almost mystical ability to turn monstrous tasks into more manageable small projects. I’m still a chaotic mess but he’s done wonders to help me organize different aspects of my life. 

Every time he’s appeared in canon since the time skip my husband has looked so stressed and I’ve made it my mission to help anyway I can. Like I said, I’m a lab trapped in a human body. I just love people and am always making jokes or trying to make my people smile. He appreciates my enthusiasm for life and optimistic world view. 

I just am so in love with the idea of him being his usual grouch around his subordinates that obviously wants to bite someones head off but the moment he comes home he softens and is able to relax around his happy-go-lucky wife. 

Lucci is almost arrogantly confident while I second guess everything. Being around me he’s become ever so slightly less abrasive towards other people and in turn he’s helping me work on my own self confidence. 

He’s very supportive of my work and casually brags about me??? I’m not used that kind of support and get turn into a flustered stuttering mess every single time he complements me in front of someone else.

He knows I’m a little insecure and makes such an effort to make sure I feel beautiful and important. His complements are so specific and sincere I want to cry. He’s not big on public displays of affection but sometimes when we’re out together he’ll lean down and whisper such genuinely sweet praise/loving words to me that my brain just short circuits and I need a minute to reboot my system.  

We’re definitely an unconventional power couple. 

Lucci is known for his abilities within his organisation and is feared both by his enemies and his allies. 

In this world I’ve carved out my own little niche and am passionate about my work. While I’m not the best scientist I’m well known in my own right for my research into the living dinosaurs and their relationship to the birds in the One Piece world. I’m happly married to my furry husband and get to play with dinosaurs what more can I ask for in a s/i.

Although we’re very different we can recognize and respect each others strengths. We’re equally powerful in different ways and are very supportive of each other’s ambitions.  

The strong protect the weak troupe. 

In terms of strength he exceeds the definition of super human in this world. He’s stupidly powerful compared to the average person and is an absolute sadist in battle, literally turning into a leopard-human hybrid and toying with his prey until they either succumb or he gets bored. 

Alternatively, I’m a baby. Even in a world of ridiculous power levels my self insert is a lover not a fighter. I can hurt people in other ways but I’m significantly weaker than the average person and mostly rely on my own wit to avoid injury.

Lucci is so protective and careful around fragile little me. The only thing he hates more than insults being hurled at himself is a harsh comment aimed at his wife. With enough pleading I can usually talk him down from out-right mauling the critic and his intense glare is usually more than enough to send them scurrying. 

My family is often my biggest critic and although they mean well they tend to come off a little strong. He knows he can’t tear them apart but as soon as I start to get uncomfortable he’s quick to either physically remove me from the person in question or redirect their attention and change the topic. 

Extrovert/Introvert Dynamic

I’m the extrovert, albeit an awkward one, and the human cat is my introverted husband. 

I’m very social and he humors my attempts at reaching out to others. Unfortunately most couples I’ve tried to befriend have been scared off but you can’t fault a girl for trying. 

Very slowly I’m getting him to dip his toes into my world of outdoor festivals and late night dinner parties. 

At the same time my introvert husband is helping me slow down and appreciate the time we have together. For the first time in my life I’m enjoying silent cuddles and the inherent peacefulness of just existing in the same space. Usually silence makes me anxious but I feel so safe around him I can just relax and savor the moment.

Of course I still get stir crazy but we’ve definitely had an effect on each other. 

I tend to talk… a lot. Especially when I get passionate about something. Lucci doesn’t mind holding a conversation but he definitely appreciates when I can lead the conversation. He’ll let me ramble on, watching as accentuate my points with elaborate hand gestures while he watches me with the softest smile. He finds my passion endearing and I’m more than happy to hold an audience. If I start to lose momentum he’ll interject with a question and I’m always happy to start rambling on again.

We’re both monsters and I love the angst

We both have the ability to become human monsters. In the beginning there was a lot of hesitance from both of us for how the other would react to this revelation. Spoiler alert: We are both more than okay with this information about the other. 

He not only can become a giant leopard human hybrid but has a horrible reputation. For the longest time he hesitated to even touch me because he hated the thought of staining me with what he perceived as blood soaked hands.

On my part, my S/I is more or less the devil. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I carry a lot of guilt over what I’d done in the past. I also carry a lot of baggage from people using me for abilities in the past and I’m reluctant to talk about what I can do. 

Trust was built slowly between us as we each worked through our own issues and gained faith in each other. Patience was a huge theme while we’re dating, and continues to be into our marriage. We’re very observant people and if the other needs more time to work through an aspect of relationship/get comfortable with a new concept or mile stone we’re both happy to let the other set the pace.

The responsible adult and the child at heart dynamic

In reference to that post about the sled dogs. 

Lucci has his life in order and is an extremely responsible adult ™. While he’s calling to get our taxes in order I would have absolutely been plotting to adopt a dozen puppies to raise as sled dogs. 

I tend to be a dreamer at heart and my ambition tends overestimate my reality. 

Lucci is very much the responsible one in this relationship. Although he is not at all a dog person, if it means making me happy, he would suggest instead of starting with 12 puppies he would recommend adopting one first and then considering more. 

While Lucci brings a level headed maturity to the table I try to keep things fun. I know most of my ideas are far-fetched but thats not the point of my thought experiments. 

Progress has been slow but not only has he come to indulge in my hypothetical outlandish dreams he’s started to contribute to my fantasies. 

“Angel, if you adopted a team of sled dogs we’d have to move somewhere cold. Then I’d have to find a new tailor…” It’s not much in terms of elaborate couples fantasies but he’s humoring me and my gods do I appreciate it and run with it. I’ll spend the next few days trying to find a tailor in the arctic before chasing a different idea.

We have a running joke where I’ll overwhelm myself and exclaim “I need an adult” before soliciting affection from my emotional-support leopard. 

[naughtyneganjdm]

The Savior - Chapter 19

Summary: The reader learns more about Negan's past while they try to enjoy their small vacation together. 

Characters: Negan & reader

Warnings: Swearing and the after effects of parental abuse. 

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995341/chapters/40932143

Absolute bliss filled Y/N’s body as she kept her eyes closed and listened to the sounds of the waves splashing around her. It wasn’t often that she got to relax like this, but this specific moment in time felt amazing. The sun was beating down on her skin, the sound of the water was amazing and the warmth of Negan beside her made this a moment to remember. If someone would have told her months ago that she would be ditching school to spend a weekend with Negan somewhere she would have never believed them. School was so important to her, but this was nice. This was beyond nice.

Opening her eyes, she looked to her side to see Negan stretched out on the huge flat rock that they had swam to in the middle of the water. It wasn’t too far away from the shore, but it was far enough out to give them space alone. Negan had his sunglasses on and his arms were folded behind his head as he lay out in the sun.

Part of her was still confused as to why Negan decided to bring her to this place. It was nice to get to learn more about Negan’s past, but it still made her question things. It was sad, but it actually made her uncomfortable that Negan had all of this money. She was just trying to do her best to think past it and enjoy her time with Negan. Instead of thinking of it as his place, she was just attempting to think of this as a small vacation with Negan and that was all.

Gulping down, she shifted on the hard surface of the rock and turned on her side to face Negan. Reaching out, she traced her fingertips over Negan’s abdomen, watching it rise and fall with his breathing. Teasing her fingers through the thick hair over his body, she smiled and moved in to press a soft kiss over Negan’s chest. His heavy breaths told her that he was still somewhat asleep when she lowered her hand down his abdomen and slid her fingertips underneath his black swimsuit.

“Would you stop it,” Negan grumbled with a huff when her hand connected with his body and he reached down to collect her wrist before pulling her hand out from beneath the material. “You are like a fucking sex ninja. Dial back the horny…geez.”

“Oh please,” she giggled watching Negan push his sunglasses up to look over at her. “I learned from the best.”

“Well the best got drunk off his ass last night and he’s suffering from dehydration.  My testicles need some time to replenish what I’m missing,” Negan bluntly responded making a laugh fall from her lips as he reached down to touch himself through his swimsuit. “Trust me, I like doing it with you, but I’m not kidding. The alcohol gave me a hangover and a half. I need time to restore everything.”

Negan gave her a silly wink before pushing his sunglasses back down over his face. He leaned up and over enough to press a quick kiss over her lips before lying back down.

“Do you realize how uncomfortable fucking would be on this thing?” Negan grumbled, getting comfortable again. “One of us would end up with bruises.”

“Who said it would have led to fucking?” she retorted and Negan’s eyebrow arched up over his sunglasses. “I’m just saying, maybe I would have just given you a hand job.”

“Oh no, you are too greedy for that,” Negan nonchalantly responded making her reach out to poke him in the ribs making a goofy laugh fall from his lips. “I’m just saying, everything leads to sex. It always does. I just want to sit out here and enjoy my time with you. I know the water is romantic and we’re on the beach so ultimately you want to have sex and we’ll do it before we leave, but right now just is not the time.”

“You are so romantic, you know that?” she rolled her eyes and got comfortable again beside him. Negan’s fingertips stretched out in search of hers so he could hold her hand and squeeze her fingers in his.

“It’s a talent,” Negan teased listening to the sound of the waves, allowing them to comfort him into relaxing, something that he hadn’t done in quite some time. “Just think, right now at this time you would be in school just waiting for the time to run out so we could go back to my house and just sit around for a while.”

“I like what we do when we are home. I mean, the beach here is amazing, but…” she sighed, reaching out to caress her hand in over the planes of his abdomen. She drew small shapes over his skin before frowning. “I like our normal life.”

“As opposed to?” Negan breathed out, confused where she was headed with things.

“Maybe I’m just not used to this whole thing yet. A big house right off the beach in a rich city…” she rambled on and Negan’s dimples sunk in the longer he listened to her ramble on.

“There are places around here that I know you will love,” Negan insisted, laying back again on the rock before some of the water splashed up on the rock onto them. Negan heard her gasp and let out a small laugh. “That does happen in the ocean here sweetheart.”

“Oh ha ha,” she playfully hit him in the center of his stomach and a deep laugh fell from his lips.

“How about I take you into town? It’s a nice little town and there is some really cool stuff down by the piers. What do you say?” Negan sat up on the rock and she followed his movements. “There are some areas I used to love down there that I think you would like.”

“Won’t people notice you? Are you sure you are okay with walking around with me?” she confirmed and he shrugged his shoulders. He pushed his fingertips into his wet hair to slick it back before smiling.

“It’s been a long time. I highly doubt these people are going to remember me anyway,” Negan moved out to grab a firm hold of her to pull her close. Tipping in closer to her, he nudged her jaw playfully with his thumb before cupping her face in his rough hands. “Plus I really love you and don’t care what anyone else thinks.”  

“I love hearing you say that,” she hummed in approval as he kissed her a few more times before jumping into the water. “Are we going to head back there now?”

“It’s going to get dark soon. You’ll want to get some food in you and then we will walk around,” Negan answered after motioning her to follow him into the water. “So let’s go get showered and then see what we can get into.”

-

“This is a cute town,” Y/N muttered, following Negan out of the small diner that they had just eaten at. Negan had said that he thought no one would remember him, but so far he had run into several people that knew he was. No one questioned what he was doing with her, but it still felt odd being in a place where people clearly knew Negan and grew up with him. “You really liked it as a kid, huh?”

“I did,” Negan reached out to grab a tight hold of her hand and hooked his fingertips with hers. She was uncomfortable and gulped down, looking at their hands. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re okay with doing this out and about around here?” she confirmed and Negan smirked before nodding. “I mean, they know you Negan. Are you comfortable with them knowing that you are dating someone…younger?”

“Is it any of their business?” Negan’s eyebrow perked up and she let out a long sigh. “I’m fine. That’s all that matters. These people don’t know me. They know the me from when I was here. We live hours away from here. We’re okay.”

“If you…are comfortable with it,” she nodded, allowing him to hold onto her hand as they walked down Main Street. The city had bright lights filtering the street from the small shops and diners that were up and down the main road. “Thank you for dinner.”

“Absolutely,” Negan winked, bringing her hand up to his lips to deposit a small kiss over the back of her hand. Negan stopped in front of the stores to look at the display that was set up in the window and she stepped forward to look at a necklace that caught her eye. “You like that?”

“It’s beautiful,” she answered, looking to Negan with her big eyes before looking back to the piece of jewelry. Negan watched her with a smile and he urged her toward the shop after watching her eye it over. “What?”

“Let’s take a look,” he suggested and she let out a hesitant laugh. “Come on.”

“Negan no, I just…” she rejected, but felt Negan tugging her into the store and he pulled her closer to the necklace. Negan nodded toward it and he watched her lean in to look it over. “It is beautiful Negan, but…”

The price tag caught her eye and she let out an uncomfortable sound, “Not that beautiful…”

“Do you want it?” Negan offered and she shook her head quickly, trying to pull away from Negan. “It’s okay; if you want…I can get it for you. No biggie.”

“Oh it’s a biggie,” she tried to pull her fingers from his hand and he hushed her.

“Excuse me, can we see this please?” Negan pointed down at the necklace and he watched the person at the cash register motion him to wait a moment. Y/N uncomfortably pulled away from him and he laughed. “What’s wrong?”

“You can’t afford that,” she reminded him and Negan smirked, his bright smile expanding over his features.

“You know just as much as I do that that’s not true,” Negan pointed out and she felt her heart sinking at the fact that he was willing to spend his father’s money on her.

“But you aren’t the kind of person that uses that part of your money, remember?” she insisted with an uncomfortable breath as Negan gave her a confused look. “Teacher Negan could not afford that.”

Y/N pulled her hand away from Negan and quickly moved for the door, “I’m sorry Negan, I just…I can’t have you keep doing this.”

Moving out of the shop, she saw Negan still standing there somewhat confused. The person working in the store clearly came over to talk to Negan, but she didn’t feel comfortable with Negan buying her things. When she saw the shop keeper put the necklace back in the display at the front of the store she felt a sense of relief.

“What are you doing?” Negan walked out of the small shop and closed the door behind him. “If I want to buy you something…”

“I don’t want you to buy things for me. I just…I love you,” she insisted with a shake of her head, stepping forward to cup his face in her hands lovingly. “I don’t want you to think I’m with you for your money. I want you to know that I fell for…”

“The poor me?” Negan filled in her words and he saw her give a small head tilt. A laugh fell from his lips as he shook his head. “I know that. A while ago I stressed to you that I would never be anything more than what I was and you insisted that you still loved me for me. I know you are true to me. I don’t think you are with me for my family’s money. I didn’t bring you here to give you a panic attack. I brought you here so you could relax.”

“But you would probably never have to work again if you didn’t want to Negan. That’s how fucking rich you are,” you reminded him with a tense sound and Negan nodded slowly. “You are proud of who you are and what you have accomplished on your own. I don’t want me to be the reason you start dipping into your father’s money.”

“You are stressing way too fucking much,” Negan insisted with a snort. The sounds of laughing filled the air and she looked beyond Negan to see that between the shops she could see the ocean beyond the shops. There was a pier where they were clearly having some kind of event going on. “You want to go see?”

Nodding, she was eager to get away from this conversation and what was going on. The whole money situation just made her very uncomfortable and she didn’t want Negan to eventually get upset with her and assume that she just wanted his money.

Y/N followed Negan out onto a beach and toward a festival they were clearly having. They walked out onto the pier and there were multiple people that came up to Negan to hug and talk to him. She felt out of place. It was hard not to really, but when Negan was done he would eagerly turn back to her and tell her stories about the past. About the people that he had run into and things he had done as a kid. She loved hearing about his past, but there was something that was uncomfortable about all of this.

“I have to run to the restroom, do you think you could give me a minute and just…wait right here,” Negan urged her and she nodded. Taking a seat by the edge of the pier, she waited for Negan hearing the singing and dancing that was happening just beyond where she was sitting. Turning to look over her shoulder at the couples dancing together, she smiled brightly. The environment was beautiful and she could definitely see how everyone was happy here. She would be too if she grew up in a place like this. It was honestly beautiful and it seemed like the people were just…happy. It was rare compared to what she was used to.

“Where did your father go?” a voice pressed in behind Y/N making her shift uncomfortably on the bench she was sitting on. Y/N looked up to see a brunette standing before her. Clearing her throat uneasily, Y/N watched the brunette slide in beside her and Y/N felt uneasy. “My name is Emma. You’re not from around here are you?”

“He’s not…my father,” Y/N answered staring down at the hand that Emma had offered her. Emma’s dark brown eyes were watching her carefully and Y/N gulped down heavily. She accepted the hand shake and nodded. “Yeah, I’m definitely not from here.”

“I could tell,” Emma responded with a heavy sigh, looking around the area. “So if he’s not your father, then who is he?”

“Well…” Y/N began trying to think of a way to explain Negan to a total stranger. “He’s…”

“Oh fuck off Emma, you know she’s not my kid,” Negan’s voice filtered through the air, making Y/N sit up straighter on the bench and Negan squeezed between the space that was between the two. Negan sat down on the bench and wrapped his arm around Y/N. “Emma knows me. She knows I don’t have a kid, she’s just fucking with you to try and make you feel uncomfortable.”

“If you did end up having your kid though…it would probably be older than her wouldn’t it?” Emma recalled and Y/N felt every muscle in Negan’s body locking up. The fact that the woman knew about the child that Negan had lost as a teen told her that Negan and Emma had to be close. “It’s been a while Negan. Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

“Didn’t you introduce yourself already Emma?” Negan blurted out and he leaned in to nestle his nose against the side of Y/N’s neck. A whisper fell from his lips as she closed her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“And she is?” Emma egged Negan on and Negan laughed.

“None of your business,” Negan winked, looking over at Y/N for a moment. “Would you excuse us for a second? How about you go and get us a few churros over there? I’m kind of in the mood for something sweet.”

“Sure,” Y/N nodded with an unsure expression, but Negan pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed some money to her before waiting until she was far enough away from him and Emma.

“Sending her to the longest line here Negan, that was smart…” Emma retorted with a half laugh. “So that’s the new flame of the week, huh? Little young for you, isn’t she?”

“Fuck off Emma,” Negan snarled, looking to her with a shake of his head. “She’s of age and I love her. We’ve been together for a few months and she means everything to me. So I don’t need a snake like you trying to filter into her brain with your stupid psychobabble bullshit that you do.”

“You love her? Wow,” Emma chuckled; looking to Y/N as she stood in the fairly large line that Negan had sent her off to. “That’s new for you isn’t it? I thought Lucille was the only woman that you ever loved.”

“Yeah, well…times change,” Negan shrugged his shoulders, leaning forward on the bench. “I thought if I came here I could avoid people like you.”

“People that know the real you?” Emma snapped back making Negan take in a sharp breath. “What does a girl like that want with you? Your daddy’s money?”

“Up until this weekend she knew nothing about my parent’s wealth,” Negan insisted with a firm nod. “We’re good together. She loves me and I love her. We’re very much alike and that’s that.”

“So she’s a good fuck, huh?” Emma egged on further and Negan rolled his eyes. “Sex is a big thing for you Negan, she has to be pretty important to get you to want to be with her and be official, right?”

“I don’t know what you are trying to pull here Emma, but you did this shit with Lucille too and it worked on her,” Negan thought back to his younger years and he shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You think after all of these years you would just…get over it.”

“You think that’s what this is?” she questioned with a growl and Negan nodded, his thick eyebrows arching up as he nodded. “People don’t know the real you Negan. You like to pretend that you are this nice guy, but you can only put a mask for so long.”

Negan nodded and looked toward Y/N who seemed nervous and looked back at him. Negan waved his fingers and shot her a small smile. Y/N smiled back and stepped further up in the line.

“So tell me Negan…are you still really bad at sex?” Emma dug deeper at trying to annoy Negan. A laugh fell from Negan’s lips as he looked to her with a shake of his head.

“You know I’m not bad at sex,” Negan retorted with a snort. “The last time we fucked you had no problems with what I did.”

“Yeah, but the first time…” she began and Negan held his hands up in the air to silence her.

“You were the first girl I slept with Emma. Of course I was awful,” Negan laughed uneasily before shrugging his shoulders. “What the hell is the point of this? Why do you always want to pop in and try to fuck with my head and the head of people I love? I don’t even live here anymore. I’m here for the weekend. I don’t want to be with you, I don’t want to rekindle what has happened in the past…I’m here with the girl I love and that’s that. We’re just here to enjoy our time.”

“You do realize…you are just going to do what you always do, right?” Emma leaned forward in her seat. “You are your father’s son Negan. You know that.”

“I’m not my father,” Negan snapped, looking to Emma with a shake of his head.

“Really? Your father cheated on your mother. Your father was very abusive both mentally and physically,” Emma dug further into Negan watching his fists curl up in the center of his lap. “How were you with Lucille again?”

“I never physically abused Lucille and you know that,” Negan growled, his thick eyebrows adding emphasis to the anger that was pressing in over Negan’s face. “You’re just a bitch.”

“So tell me Negan, are you still all about you when it comes to sex?” Emma stood up and followed Negan toward the edge of the pier. “Just fuck until you cum? Does your new girl give the oral most of the time? You were always very selfish when it came to that kind of stuff.”

“I’m far from selfish,” Negan answered with a shake of his head. His face was on fire and he knew that Emma was trying to work him up, but he couldn’t help getting irritated. “In fact I make her cum all the time. The first few months we were together, I was always the one that was giving and not receiving. You remember how good I was the last time Emma and I think that’s why you are such a nasty bitch.”

“Can you blame me Negan?” she inquired and Negan shrugged his shoulders. “It sounds like you have everything figured out with this one, huh?”

“Yeah, I do…” Negan nodded, looking to see that Y/N was up at the counter to order what he had asked of her. “And what kills you is the fact that she’s the one I’m making squirt at night, not you.”

“Oh, right. You make her squirt,” Emma chuckled and Negan nodded with a proud smile. “Sure. I’d love to see that.”

“I’m sure you would, but I do,” Negan licked his lips and looked to Y/N with a proud smirk. “We’re very good together. Physically…and mentally. So if you will please piss off, I’m trying to give her a good weekend and I really would rather not see your face for the rest of this week.”

Negan moved around the brunette before him and headed off in the direction of Y/N to wrap his arm around her shoulders when she handed him over the churro that he had asked of her.

“I think we should go for a walk on the beach…” Negan urged Y/N before Negan headed off in the opposite direction of where Emma was. A moment later Emma cut them off and Negan let out a frustrated sound.

“Listen, we got off on the wrong foot. I just hope you have a good weekend,” Emma held her hands up in the air as if to say goodbye. “Keep an eye on this one. A lot like his father he is…”

“Negan,” Y/N stopped Negan from getting agitated and she pulled him away from the pier and urged him to follow her to the beachside. Negan’s face was red and she could tell by the way his nose was scrunched up and the lines that were over his forehead that he was angry. “Ex-girlfriend, huh?”

“I don’t even think that’s what I would call her,” Negan huffed and he felt Y/N reaching out to grab a tight hold of his jawline to urge him to look at her. “I’m really sorry. I should have thought about the past and how it could…”

“I don’t care about your past. You are honest with me about everything and I’m not worried about the past. I love you…all of you,” she hushed him seeing the lines his forehead relaxing as she stroked his rough cheek. “But let me tell you something…you are nothing like your father. You are a wonderful, sweet caring man. She doesn’t know you at all.”

“She probably knows me quite well…” Negan tried to state with a heavy sigh and Y/N shook her head slowly. “I wasn’t a good guy.”

“That was the past,” she insisted, tipping up on her toes to press a loving kiss over his lips and he felt her fingertips brushing throughout his hair. “We’re living in the present and that’s all that matters. Who you were then isn’t who you are now. You’re not your father. You never were and you never will be.”

Negan nodded, lowering his head enough to rest his forehead against hers while she held him in her arms. Negan took the time to just enjoy being held by her. Their relationship was so different in comparison to all his previous ones and he was surprised with how much he loved being around her.

“You should probably eat those churros you made me stand in line forever to get,” Y/N reminded him of the treat that was still in his hand. “I know it was just to get me away for a minute, but you better eat those after all the time I spent in line for that shit.”

“Yes ma’am,” Negan snorted urging her to follow him to the edge of the beach by the water to sit down with him. Negan got settled in behind her, pulling her to sit between his legs while they sat on the beach together. His left arm hooked around her waist loosely while she rest back against his chest and he handed her one of the sweet treats. “You know I love you, right?”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of only getting used to you just saying this now,” she stated with a smirk and looked over her shoulder to see Negan taking a big bite of his food. “But I like hearing it.”

“And I like saying it,” Negan insisted with a mouthful seeing her smirk. “I feel like I should explain Emma.”

“Only if you want to,” Y/N shrugged. “It’s really none of my business unless you want it to be.”

“You’re really just going to be like that?” Negan retorted with a sense of confusion. A lot of women would want every single detail, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. “She was the first girl I ever slept with.”

“Oh, okay…” she shrugged and took a small bite of her churro. “That was a really long time ago I imagine.”

“Ouch?” Negan chuckled seeing her cheeks blush over with embarrassment. “I was never really interested in her. I loved Lucille and…”

“She’s one of the ones you cheated with?” Y/N confirmed and Negan nodded when she spoke up. “I kind of assumed that. When you are the mistress and the guy still loves the woman he’s cheating on, it probably makes you an angry bitch.”

“I’ve only loved two people and I think that killed her on the inside. It’s probably partially my fault that she’s a bitch,” Negan shook his head, a heavy sigh falling from his lips. “When I was with Lucille she got into her head and…”

“Tried doing to me today what she did to Lucille back then?” Y/N finished again and Negan nodded. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not going to listen to people try to tell me about the man I know. I’m just going to listen to him myself. He’s honest with me and I know that.”

“I love you,” Negan was amazed with the way she was reacting toward everything as he tipped down to nestle his nose against the side of her neck. “You really are amazing. I hope you know that.”

-

“I can’t believe we’ve been here all weekend and we haven’t had sex here once,” Negan slurred against the side of Y/N’s neck as they stood on the beach together after going swimming in the water. She laughed as his stubble teased over the side of her neck. Negan wrapped his arms around her waist and felt her leaning back into his wet chest.

“There is still time,” she responded with a laugh when she felt him pressing playful kisses over the side of her neck. “To be fair, you’ve kept us so busy going around town that I’m pretty exhausted by the time that we get back to the house.”

“I just want you to have a good weekend. One that makes you happy,” Negan stated with a sigh, squeezing his arms around her tighter. Y/N reached down to grab her phone from the towel and pulled up the camera. When she went to take a photo of the water, Negan reached for her phone and grabbed a hold of the phone. He turned it on the selfie section and kissed over her temple taking a photo of the two of them. “We need more photos together.”

“Are you sure about that?” she confirmed and Negan nodded. “I thought you want us to be careful.”

“Are you thinking of sharing these?” Negan questioned and she shook her head slowly. “Then we are fine.”

Negan pressed in closer to her and kissed her while he snapped another selfie of the two of them together. Her cheeks blushed over when he looked at the photos and his nose wrinkled when he looked them over, “you’re going to have to send these two to me though.”

“Deal,” she winked, releasing him long enough to look to her phone again.

“You want to go four wheeling again? That was pretty fun, right?” Negan thought about the things they had done the previous day. When he looked over his shoulder to see her looking panicked, he stepped in closer and rubbed his towel through his hair. “What’s wrong?”

“My father sent me a text message. Apparently he knows that I’m not at my friend’s house that I told my mother about,” she informed him with a nervous breath and Negan’s eyebrow arched up in interest. “He wants me to call him and tell him where I really am.”

“Fuck that,” Negan reached for her phone and looked through the text messages seeing the several messages that her father had sent clearly getting angrier each time he had texted her. “They never care where you are on most nights, so what does it matter this time?”

“I should write him back Negan. Come up with a good excuse as to where I really am,” she gulped and Negan shook his head turning her cell phone off after sending himself the photos of them together. “He’s pissed. Something is wrong.”

“You’re on vacation with me. You don’t have to worry about that right now, okay?” Negan insisted, stepping forward to urge her chin up toward him. “I want to take you somewhere. Erase this from your mind and I promise everything will be all right.”

-

“This was my favorite place to come and relax as a kid,” Negan pulled on Y/N’s hand, tugging her up toward the lighthouse that was right off the beach. She looked up at the lighthouse and saw him smiling brightly as he looked up at it. “My favorite thing was to come here as a kid at night and think things out. Think about my future and all that fucking shit.”

“Yeah?” she arched her brow in response, taking a moment to look around the area. From what she knew of Negan it didn’t really seem like a place he would have loved as a kid, but it sure was beautiful. The lighthouse looked like something you would have seen from a movie, it was that gorgeous. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is,” Negan agreed and looked over his shoulder to wink at her. Negan motioned her to wait as he set up a blanket in the sand. The sun was setting and he urged her to lay down with him. “Later I can try to sneak us in so you can see the inside…”

“And get you in trouble? I don’t think so. The people here would love the story about how Negan got caught breaking into the lighthouse with his new, young girlfriend,” she snickered seeing him roll his eyes before leaning forward to press a soft kiss over her jawline. His kisses led toward her neck and she tilted her head up allowing him space to do as he pleased. “I take it you were quite the rebel growing up?”

“I’m still quite the rebel,” Negan insisted with a shrug of his shoulders, pulling away to look her over with his wicked glance. “I thought you would know that by now.”

Negan reached for his phone and took a photo of them with the lighthouse in the background of the photo. Negan leaned in to kiss her over and over again before she pulled away from him with a deep breath.

“Negan,” she looked to see that he was recording a video and he shrugged his shoulders. “Are you trying to be playing dangerously right now or…?”

“I just want something for the spank bank eventually when I’m alone,” Negan teased with a wink making her cough upon his admission. Her cheeks blushed over and Negan loved that he could make her turn red just with his words. She was so innocent and he loved every bit of it. Negan playfully teased his tongue over the front of her lips while he was still recording the video and he watched her shudder before he pressed stop. “You’re still tense, aren’t you?”

“I’m scared about my father,” she answered truthfully and felt him reach out to nudge her jaw with his rough fingertips. He carefully brushed her hair over her shoulder before moving in to kiss over the side of her neck again. “He knows I lied…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Negan insisted with a slur while he kissed over her neck and bit at her skin.

Her eyes closed feeling Negan’s tongue tracing lines over her flesh and she inhaled sharply. She wanted to just forget it, but she didn’t think she could. The consequences of this weekend truly had her in fear of what he father might do. “If they were looking for me that means that it was something serious.”

“It’s fine,” Negan hushed her, trying to get her to relax as he sat up straighter and held his finger up. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?” she retorted with a confused look. Negan snapped his fingers almost in an order and she felt him nudging her into a position that he clearly wanted. A moment later there was a cool sensation pressing in over her neck as she heard the clip of something closing. “Negan?”

“You can open your eyes,” Negan responded, pressing soft kisses over her neck again. When she saw that it was the necklace from the night before he heard her gasp. “I know you didn’t want me to get it for you, but I just…had to. It looks beautiful on you and I knew you really thought it was beautiful.”

“When did you…?” she looked down at the necklace seeing the way it glimmered as the sunset shined from it. “Negan, I can’t accept this.”

“I can’t return it,” Negan shrugged his shoulders with a wicked smirk. “It’s yours now.”

“Negan…” he watched her frown and she reached down to trace her fingertips over the white gold chain that led to the charm at the bottom. Her fingertips grazed over the diamond and she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. “You shouldn’t have done this.”

“I wanted to pamper my girl,” Negan responded with a shake of his head. “That’s why I left the other day. I ran back to quickly go get it. I know you are paranoid about me spending money on you, but I love you. You liked the necklace; I bought it for you to show you how much I love you. It will be our special thing.”

Negan reached out with his rough fingertips to grasp a hold of the diamond to look it over. A smirk pressed in over his lips and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I just want you happy,” Negan whispered, moving forward to press another kiss over her lips and he felt her arms wrapping around his shoulders to hold onto him tightly.

“You…make me happy,” she whispered in his ear, pressing a quick kiss over his flesh before pulling away to look down at the necklace again. Her eyes were tearing over and he reached out to brush at her cheek lovingly. “I don’t want you to think this is the kind of person I am.”

“I think you are a wonderful person,” Negan shook his head and frowned when a single tear slid down her face. “That’s why I fell in love with you Y/N. Shit…I’ve fallen hard.”

“You’re making me swoon here Negan,” she informed him with a half laugh, reaching up to brush her fingertips throughout his thick hair. “You are amazing.”

“I was thinking…” Negan began with a long sigh, reaching up to grab a hold of her fingertips in his. He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss over the back of her hand. “I know you are worried about your father. You are a lot. Why don’t you just move in with me?”

“I couldn’t do that Negan,” she shook her head firmly, a small laugh falling from her throat. “How are we going to hide that from people?”

“Very carefully,” Negan shrugged, attempting to think of something to say to make her feel comfortable with the suggestion. “I don’t care. I want to be with you. I want to keep you safe. I just want to make you happy.”

“I know and I love you,” she hushed him with a shake of her head. “I just can’t have you getting in trouble because of me.”

“Then let me buy you a place until you get a job. An apartment or something…” Negan reasoned with Y/N and she reached out to cup his rough face in her hands. His eyes seemed confused and upset as she shook her head. “Please. I want to keep you safe.”

“After you told me about the money Negan, I’m not going to accept these things. I want to be with you. I do, but I’m not a gold digger,” she insisted firmly. Moving in, she kissed Negan in a loving manner. “The necklace is enough to make me uncomfortable.”

“But it shows you are mine,” Negan reached down to trace his fingertips over the white gold necklace.

“I was yours long before this was on my neck,” she reminded him and a smirk pressed in over his features. Her fingertips brushed into his short beard and she leaned in to rest her forehead against his. “I didn’t need a necklace or something fancy to tell me that.”

“I want to protect you,” Negan sighed heavily, his warm breath pressing in against her face. “You are so scared and I don’t want something bad to happen to you. We can take measures to keep both of us safe. No one would know you are living with me.”

“If it ever gets to the point I think it has to be that way…then we can talk about it,” she suggested and Negan frowned, sighing heavily as he stared out at her with his sincere hazel eyes. She moved in to kiss him over and over again as he clutched tightly to her. “I love you Negan. More than you will ever know.”

“I love you too,” Negan stated against her skin, nipping softly at her bottom lip as they kissed. “So much.”

-

Negan stretched out on his leather couch at home as he scrolled through the photos he had taken over the weekend with Y/N on their trip. They had finished their trip and driven back on Sunday. They had gotten so many great photos while they were there and shared so many wonderful experiences. Their whole time away they had spent time doing things together and not once did they end up sleeping together. That wasn’t how most of his relationships had gone in the past and it was nice to have something different for once. Being able to share memorable moments together was something that he actually enjoyed and looking at the photos he’d taken of them together actually made him feel a sense of happiness.

The sound of his doorbell ringing was heard and Negan closed up his phone. Looking to the time, he could see that it was late at night. It had been a few hours since Y/N had headed home. When she had left, she was worried about her parents, but knew that she had to return to find out what was wrong. Moving to the door, Negan first noticed the bags at his feet in front of him and lifted his head to let out a gasp when he saw Y/N standing before him.

“Jesus Christ,” Negan blurt out reaching out to grasp at her face and he heard her wince upon contact. Negan pushed the hood that was covering her head down and took a look at her face. It was clear that she had been crying. There were small wounds over her eyebrow, under her eye and bottom lip. Her face was bright red and he could feel her shaking before him. “What the fuck happened?”

“Just…let me in?” she begged and Negan nodded, grabbing her bags to allow her into the house. Negan urged her toward the couch and he saw her shaking when she took a seat on it. She was still crying and Negan could feel his own body trembling with the sight of her. “I’m so sorry…”

“What happened?” Negan demanded to know hearing the shaking in her voice. She was trembling against his touch as he tried caressing over her face. “Baby?”

“I went home and my father cornered me. While we were gone they had apparently had gotten a call from my doctor who wanted to make sure I wasn’t having any bad side effects from my birth control pills,” she informed Negan and felt his body tensing up. Negan’s eyes grew wide as she nodded and nervously licked her lips. “Which apparently made them go upstairs to look through my things and he found some of the condoms that I had. They called my friend’s house that I was supposed to be at and found out that I wasn’t there and he’s been fuming all weekend.”

“That fucker did this to you?” Negan snarled seeing her nod slowly and he reached out to brush some of the blood that was dripping down her face away. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

She motioned Negan to wait and he saw her moving for the sweatshirt. She shook as she carefully pulled the material from her body and Negan could see that she was reaching for the back of her shirt. His heart pounded inside of his chest watching her pull up the back of her shirt to show that she had belt marks all up and down her back.

“He called me a whore and locked me in my room,” she told him about what happened and he could hear her start to cry harder. “That’s not the worst thing…”

“It gets worse?” Negan felt every muscle in his body locking up and he watched her reach inside the pocket of the hoodie to pull out the necklace he had gotten her. It was clear that the clasp was broken and he reached out to grasp her hands in his.

“He ripped this from my neck. Apparently he knows that it came from the person I was sleeping with,” she trembled before him and he could hear her sobbing by this point. “I’m so sorry Negan. I didn’t mean for this.”

“We can get the necklace fixed sweetheart, it’s okay…” Negan hushed her, holding her in his arms as he heard her sobbing. Negan pushed the necklace he had bought her into the pocket in his pajamas before continuing to comfort her.  

“I snuck out the window… I can’t go back….” She insisted with a whimper and Negan slid his hand in over the back of her neck. Pulling her close in a supportive manner, Negan let out a stressed sound. Negan tried comforting her to the best of his ability. He hushed softly when he heard her continue to cry and stroked her hair in soothing way. More than anything he wanted to go and attack her father for hurting her. It broke him to see Y/N hurt and he absolutely hated it. “I’m so sorry Negan.”

“It’s okay,” Negan promised with a hush, pressing a tender kiss against her temple. “You never have to go back there again, I promise.”

Y/N trembled in his arms and he felt her cuddling her head into his chest as she cried. Negan felt the adrenaline rising inside of his chest. The way his heart was hammering caused Negan to inhale sharply. There was a strong sense of rage filling his veins and Negan knew that he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You stay here…I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch,” Negan pulled away from Y/N, giving her a quick look before heading toward the front of the house. Searching through one of the closets, Negan found his baseball bat and grabbed a tight hold of it. Negan went to go for the front door until he felt her grasp desperately at his shoulder. “It’s fine…”

“It’s not,” she shook her head repetitively. “I left after they locked me in my room. I grabbed as much as I could and took off crawling out the window and climbing down. I don’t even know if he knows I’m gone yet. I can’t have you go there and get in trouble. You are all I have. If you get in trouble for hurting him…”

“He can’t do this. This is wrong. You should never hit a woman like this and you should never, ever treat your child like this,” Negan grunted with an angered sound. His body was shaking and he knew that he wanted to tear her father limb from limb. “He’s a piece of shit and this is what he deserves.”

“It is, but I love you. I love you and I can’t have anything happen to you,” she pleaded desperately and he felt her grabbing a tight hold of his wrist to stop him from leaving. Negan frowned and sighed before setting the bat down. “If I lost you, I don’t know what I would do.”

“You’re not going to lose me, but he needs to be taught a lesson,” Negan insisted with a hiss and she nodded. Negan stepped forward to cup her face in his large hands and moved forward to kiss her. “We need to call someone. Tell them what he did because this is wrong.”

“No, we can’t,” she denied the offer and Negan was confused because this abuse was completely wrong. “If we go to someone and tell them what happened they are going to question why I came to you. Why it was you that I picked to go to after he beat the hell out of me. I don’t want you in trouble. I can’t have you losing your job because of me.”

“Something has to be done,” Negan demanded and he could feel her shaking in his arms. “Something…”

“Please Negan. I’m never going back there…I just…have to figure out what to do,” she stuttered, thinking of something to say. “I can’t tell people about this. I don’t want to be seen as broken. I don’t want people to know about…us. I can’t…”

“Relax,” Negan interrupted her with the shake of his head. “I love you, okay? So I’m going to do what you want of me. But fuck…if I see your father again, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanna fucking kill him.”

“I don’t even know what I would do if I saw him again,” she agreed and Negan reached out to grab a tight hold of her hand. He led her toward the kitchen and picked her up to place her on the island in the middle of his kitchen. Her soft cries filled the air and he wanted to kill her father for what he had done, but he was trying to do what she begged of him as he gathered some ice in a cloth and moved over toward her. He motioned her to hold it to her by her eye where the most swelling was. Quickly moving to the bathroom, he grabbed things to clean her wounds and moved swiftly to get back to her in the kitchen. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t go back there.”

“You’re going to live here,” Negan hushed her, his eyes staring into hers with a serious expression while he started to clean the gash on her lip. “I’ve been trying to get you to move in with me for a while now. You think I’m going to change my mind when you need me the most?”

“What about school?” she stammered and he shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t do this to you.”

“We’ll figure it all out,” Negan silenced her with the shake of his head. “Trust me. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you. You are not going back to that house. You are going to stay here where I can protect you. Nothing like this is ever going to happen to you again, I swear.”

Negan heard her start to cry again and he reached out to pull her in closer to him so he could comfort her. He held her close in his arms trying to do his best to comfort her, but there was still part of him that felt responsible for this. He told her to avoid her father while they were on the trip and the only reason that she had condoms in the first place was because of him.

“I’m sorry I let this happen. I told you I would protect you and I couldn’t,” Negan grumbled with a heavy sigh, his lips pressing a lingering kiss against her temple. “This is all my fault.”

“No, no it’s not,” she denied his words and turned to touch the side of his face with her palm. “Imagine everything I would have gone through if you weren’t in my life.”

“But this…this is my fault,” Negan looked her over and he felt his body trembling with anger while he stared out at her. “I’m so fucking sorry and I promise I will never let this happen to you again sweetheart.”

“You have no control over my father,” she insisted seeing the sadness that was filtering over Negan’s face and she slowly lowered from the counter of the island to step forward. Her arms wrapped around him and he embraced her lovingly. “You are the best thing in my life Negan and I would be absolutely lost without you.”

[mazojo]

how do you deal w toxic people? do you cut them off?

Hey anon! hmmmm thats actually an interesting question (and I am sorry in advance if I get ramble below) but I hope what I tell you helps somehow!

Toxic people can be tricky to deal with, be it a friend, parent or partner because often people who display toxic behaviors brush their way of acting off and can be manipulative in the sense they'll turn the situation around. Through my life (and I am sorry if I get sappy here) ive had to deal with a lottt of toxic friendships, and to be honest, being the non-confrontational person I am, I sometimes brushed it over telling myself it was normal.

And it hurts, because often you want to believe the best of someone, you want to give them another chance because I think we all make mistakes and due to personal situations or circumstances people may tend to act certain ways. But in the end, I think your mental stability is the most important thing because who else apart from you will be able to take care of yourself? Sometimes even though cutting off those links may hurt its better because you'll feel more at ease.

And let me tell you, I know its muuuuch easier me saying all this than doing it, hell even right now I have some toxic people around me I wish to separate myself from to feel less anxious but sometimes due to self doubt and anxiety stop myself from cutting off. Its definitely not easy to deal with toxic people, much less if they are someone close to you, but if you realize they aren't being the friend/person/partner you need and it gets to the point you are constantly feeling frustrated and uneasy about their behavior towards you, if you are in a situation you can cut them off I think its for the best.

Now, if we are talking about a parent or someone you depend on economically in any sense to live, maybe its best to talk to them and try to get across to them how you are feeling. If it doesn't work (and trust me, I know it can be tough talking to a parent whose actions are hurting you and one you start feeling as toxic) I would try to find a way to get out of the situation or if that isnt possible talk to someone who understands and that you feel comfortable talking about said situation. I know I am just a random peep from this dank Tumblr hole but if you ever need someone to rant to about any toxic behavior or just anything at all, I got ya

Anyways I am a huge sap but I truly meant everything I said anon!! and I am sending you all the good energies in hopes you are able to get out from those toxic relationships

[vacantbloodbones]

The Disappointing Crimes of JKR

so it’s 2 am and I have a fight to finally get home (i’ve been MIA for a while because I needed a vacation tbh) THIS IS A LOOOONG ONE, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! but on one of my flights I finally got to watch FB2 and it’s taken me a while to gather my thoughts. Like, I knew the disappointing confusion I was signing up for... I had seen SO many YT reviews on the film and from HP fans to just FB1 fans had gathered their opinions... and it was all negative...  So I had my apprehension going into watching this (thank fuck it was free) and I’ve got a lot of my own opinions to say... So if you are aware of myself, you know that I actually loved FB1 and how the flow and characters went. Genuinely, I think as a stand alone film it was actually a good, comprehensive piece of story and film; you had exposition, build up, character development, tension, climax and fallout/outro/conclusion...  So, what went OH SO WRONG in FB2, in my humble-ass opinion?  Well, lets get into this adventure with me, pals... stick with me as I rant my good ol’ heart out, grab some snacks, a drink, maybe some liquor of choice (in my case).  In the beginning, there was... well, absolute confusion??? For an entrance into a film, especially a franchise that has a previous film, I firmly believe there needs to be SOMETHING that explains and ties the previous entry to the latest one... Especially since this series hinges on a handful of characters (Newt, Tina, Credence, Grindelwald, and Queenie + Jacob) and to just throw us into Gellert’s VERY confusing transfer to Europe’s Ministry to answer for his crimes... The intro threw me off; there’s a time jump and there’s an extreme LACK of having our previously established characters development and fallout from the first film being EXPLAINED so we (audience) can make a connection to this next entry.  Like, Credence’s survival (yes, I’m well aware of the deleted scenes that were actually supposed to be shown at the end of FB1 according to Yates...) because we don’t get to connect the dots on screen of HOW and WHY Credence and his Obscurus survived with the additional information of his Obscurus being HANDLED (like, wasn’t the premise of the previous film the urgency of how this THING was going to KILL him and EVERYONE in NYC?), him finding his adoption paper, getting to Paris and into a travelling circus (which, also... makes no sense??)... We’ll put a pin on that for a bit here...  Also, Tina and Newt’s relationship; we really are left wondering how and why they are even romantically involved as the first film established them as strangers to mutual friends at the end... Something that should’ve been shown on screen could’ve been Newt choosing to continue his Beasts studies and books over staying and risking himself being in America for his love interest, Tina. Again, put a pin on that for now...  But instead, I just felt the into to the film was as vapid as JKR’s writing when she simply just doesn’t care for CONTINUITY and actually making sense of ANYTHING.  But nnnooooo, we just get an hour and a half of meaningless exposition and threads that aren’t even expanded or given closure to...  Gellert putting Abernathy as his doppelganger really pissed me off, because we never are shown an inkling as to WHY Abernathy chose or perhaps had always been on Gellert’s side (could’ve even expanded on the idea of Abernathy playing a role in Percival’s capture/implied death in the first film)... Even Seraphina doesn’t mention or show ANYTHING about their most powerful wandless wizard being GONE... he was SOMEONE alive and WORKING in MACUSA for a substantial amount of time... that had connections, powers above anyone, and obvious trust and influence to Seraphina... which also begs the question, why is there such a heavy emphasis on Gellert using his wand magic, when he had been using wandless while impersonating Mr. Graves?  Now, to get into another huge issue; character development continuity: How did the time jump from the intro give us very DIFFERENT characters than the one’s we had been introduced, learned to love/hate be turned into vacant shells of all their development?  Like, I’m sorry but what in the actual FUCK did JKR do with Queenie’s character? She seemed like a genuinely sweet and subtly powerful witch that used her gifts to her advantage... to this, desperate, powerless, and lost character? The Queenie we were shown had a sparkle for adventure and curiosity that gradually came to admire Jacob and truly was heart broken when his memory was erased--to kidnapping him, putting a love charm against his will, and forcing him to go to London with her? She acted the very opposite of who she is and she seemed to have strong morals to stand by her sister’s side, help no-maj’s out, and using her powers for what she felt was right.... To being hapless in Paris, because she wouldn’t own up to her kidnapping and using magic on Jacob against his will, and then DECIDING to JOIN Gellert’s very VAGUE AND STRANGE CULT.  Newt seemed more like a confused boy the entire installment with flashes of him and his abilities with connecting to beasts, thrown into this second installment as a reminder that “fantastic beasts” is in the title of the movie...  Also the broken up dialogue; I DIDNT GET A SINGLE STRAIGHT ANSWER IN ANY GODDAMN CONVERSATION HELD BY ANY CHARACTER! like WOW for a two hour+ movie I got ZERO dialogue that made me go ‘ahhh i get it now!’ no, everyone was running away from each other like a grade-school gym dance.  Jacob was still, sort of, Jacob... but he and Newt’s friendship didn’t feel authentic in this film as it did in the previous. The banter (or lack thereof) was kind of just a callback to me of saying ‘ahahaha, dont you remember Jacob being funny in the last movie????? well look at this funny moment thats totally not needed!’  EVERYONE AVOIDING EACH OTHER FROM MISCOMMUNICATION LIKE THEYRE TEENAGERS REALLY MADE THE ADULT TONE OF THE LAST FILM JUST FALL FLAT... I had screamed internally every time some interaction happened and then someone RUNS AWAY! like, aren’t they adults??? even HP films has young TEENS being more accountable and willing to talk than every adult in this MOVIE.  Lets get into Gellert’s confusing vague cult of reasoning; Gellert’s wishes and aspirations and him killing people and children to comparing his reasoning that he will stop WW2 with his hookah skull... just didn’t make sense, I’ll also add that Gellert’s LACK of character really just pissed me off, like, Voldemort wasn’t revealed until waaaay later and even when he was a face on the back of someone’s bald ass head; made a more CONVINCING and REASONED character with his motives. Gellert just seemed like a casual shit disturber and running a murderous vague cult because Albus won’t do shit and he knows it... He’s like an angsty teenager that never got had someone sit and hug it out type deal. Also, the way he treats his followers and the lack of showing HOW he got so many followers; like, I’m sorry but how did this angsty man-baby get followers???? Oh, right, he used his words that... AGAIN, fall goddamn short even when we FINALLY got to see his “gathering” and “speech” that was so hyped for almost 2 hours... It didn’t make sense to his reasoning or why he was acting out IMHO.  Alright, now let’s get to the character introduction... or really, half-assed intro to the many people I COULDNT CARE FOR... Expect my personal surprise with Theseus, we’re introduced to a man that seems more compelling and complex than Gellert (seriously tbh). Somehow we’re led to believe a guy who constantly (as we’re shown) to reach out to Newt that HES the one making their relationship complicated? When it becomes apparent that Leta and Newt are the two with complicated history and Theseus loves them both deeply????? Enough that he just stands back knowing damn well Newt and Leta have a past but he’s secure in his relationship between all both people he just wants them all to get along. Now, I get that Theseus wants Newt to be an Aura, but we’re also shown he has his reasons to help Newt (ultimately); Theseus showed more character development than ANYONE in this ENTIRE MOVIE (well Albus is second in this) but him CHASING HIS BROTHER TO GET ANSWERS is somehow ‘BAD TEMPER’ according to Tina... like really, almost all the female characters were lacking level-headed sanity purposely written by JKR so I would resent the characters I had grown to actually like???? Nagini is just thrown into the plot as a mother-like figure for Credence but Credence is displayed as some selfish man-child, he can’t reason with Nagini and it leads to their strange relationship ending with Nagini feeling betrayed. And then there’s Leta and her over-played storyline to be cut short by her sacrifice that literally didn’t do anything for the plot but make me want to punch a wall because Theseus is left with a broken heart and a brother who will ditch him in a minute to talk to Albus...  There were other characters that were so lacking in development that if any or all of them died, I felt like I could still sleep like a baby knowing that JKR had made such shitty vapid characters and lack of development, I felt NOTHING for practically everyone. Albus, Theseus, and Queenie had the most emotional complexity but even then, I’m giving them kudos because everything else was lacking so much I clung onto whoever threw an emotional fit first.  The whole dynamic between Albus, Gellert, and Credence really just angered me. Red herring the entire premise of Credence wanting to know his identity so DESPERATELY he was willing to join Gellert’s vague emo posse of a cult, only to be revealed as not a Lestrange (which we had been hyped tf up to know) as, instead, THE BRO ALBUS AND NOBODY IN THE HP UNIVERSE APPARENTLY KNEW OR WAS EVER EXPLAINED JUST WHY ALBUS’ BABY BROTHER IS ON A BOAT TO AMERICA (i’M GUESSING THIS EXPOSITION WILL BE EXCRUCIATINGLY TOLD ONLY TO BE SOME OTHER LIE AND BAM CREE IS DEAD)???? But YES lets not elaborate on the queer baiting of Credence, Albus, and Gellert... JKR just wanted to hype us up for nothing and all of Credence’s development and complexity is summed up to ‘lol ur a dumbledore, cree’ really is a slap to the face. Albus being trapped a majority at the school was a half-ass way for us to not have Albus confront Credence to get him to fin d his answers at Hogwarts... Lets be real.  But basically, everyone wasn’t themselves, people we were introduced to were flatlined or placed in stereotypical tropes, and every exposition turn was a red herring thats never elaborated on or concluded... the lack of goddamn comprehensive dialogue, and we got queer baited by the ever infamous JKR....  and my final take: WHERE THE FUCK IS PERCIVAL GRAVES?????  So, this was my long-ass ranting about this movie and why I probably watched it for the criminal reasoning to hurt myself and be disappointed in the end... Was i surprised? NO.  Am I going to watch the next installment... maybe... just for closure to this epic failure of a second installment.  Thanks for making it to the end, I hope this was less painful than the actual film. 

[where-theres-smoak-2]

GOT 8X05 REVIEW

I feel like this episode was the Marmite of Game of Thrones, you either loved it or you hated it. Me? I did love it. I mean there are some things I had an issue with but as an overall episode I thought it was a good watch. For some reason I keep finding myself in this position where the majority of people hate an episode but I like it but there you go. As I said before these are just my own thoughts and feelings and I have no issues with anyone else having a different opinion or feeling differently about the episode everyone is entitled to their own feelings and I’m not here to judge or tell someone they’re wrong for feeling a particular way. I respect other peoples opinions as I would hope they respect mine. But anyway if you would like to know what I thought about the episode continue reading again it is very long so fair warning and obviously there are spoilers. 

Dany’s Decision

So I’m going to start with Dany as I feel like that was the thing most people seemed to have the strongest feelings over. Again unpopular opinion here but I personally didn’t have an issue with her actions, ok I’ve worded that badly obviously I didn’t enjoy watching her burn thousands of people alive but I had no issue with how it was written. Mostly because it made sense to me, I understood her motive and her thought process in that moment (it might also have been influenced by the fact that I’ve been waiting for ehr to go Mad Queen ever since season 3 so instead of feeling sudden to me it actaully flet long overdue). The best way for me to explain why it made sense to me is by walking through Dany’s storyline this episode in particular. I think the key to understanding her actions is understanding the state of mind she’s in at that moment. If we start at the beginning of the episode and how we find Dany. For us the audience only an episode has passed but for Dany and the other characters its been at least 2 weeks. We know this because Tyrion told Dany last episode that Jon and his men were a fortnite away and Jon arrived this episode. That means that for two weeks now Dany has locked herself in a room by herself, she’s completely isolated herself and has refused any food. She’s had two weeks of grieving and missing Missandei. I feel like during those two weeks her mind has unravelled and she’s now essentially just a shell of who she used to be. Which is made obvious when we next see her and her hair is unbraided and unkempt and she’s pale and has such a hollow look in her eyes, I mean hats off to Emilia because her acting this episode is her best so far in my opinion I brought everything she was selling.I know alot of people said that Dany just snapped when the bells rang but in my opinion she was broken long before that moment she was broken from the very beginning of this episode. I do think Dany at this earlier point in the episode is in a very deep depressive state which is understandable given everything she’s gone through so far. She’s put a wall up and has hidden all her feelings behind it as a way of coping with all she’s lost so now she just feels hollow and empty. I think this hollow feeling is shown most when she learns of Varys’ betrayal and has little reaction to it, as she says to Tyrion it doesn’t matter anymore. I mean if you compare her reaction to how she reacted when others betrayed her like Doreah and Jorah she was furious and heartbroken and you could see this written all over her face. But with Varys although she displays a little anger she doesn’t have much of a reaction at all because all of her feelings are muted right now. 

Again when she actually executes Varys she displays little emotion. She doesn’t get angry at him or sad, she doesn’t cry or yell she just calmly sentences him to death. If you look at her reaction to the situation compared to others there is a huge difference. Tyrion is naturally very upset by the entire thing as Varys is his friend and Tyrion feels guilt over betraying him. But even Jon looks uncomfortable by it, even he displays some kind of emotion despite not knowing Varys very well and yet Dany shows no emotion at all. Again another side note here but I am curious about Varys putting his rings in that cup next to the pot in which he burnt the note. I do wonder if that is some kind of clue that will allow one of his little birds to find the note and take it to someone who will get the word out about Jon. The note might not have burned all the way as Varys put the lid on which might have doused the flames. Well only time will tell. 

Then we get that scene with Jon by the fireplace. Here we have a slight shift is Dany’s demeanour. As a quick side note I think its interesting that Dany sees Jon telling Sansa and Arya as a betrayal, it’s like she’s mad at him for not loving her more than his sisters. I think this is in large part because she never experienced that loving brother/ sister relationship herself. Her own brother was abusive towards her and never really gave her that love or trust that Jon and his own siblings have so she doesn’t understand why Jon would trust his sisters like that when all she knew from her own brother was betrayal. But anyway getting back on track I think during this scene we see a little crack in Dany’s wall and she does display some vunerability and emotion. My heart broke for her when she made that speech about how she has no love here only fear. I think it started to dawn on her last episode at the feast and that feeling of isolation and loneliness has only grown and on top of that she’s got the grief of losing both Misaandei and Jorah. Some of her emotions creep through and we see tears in her eyes and the pain and grief on her face. It’s around Jon these feelings come out a little and she seeks comfort from him, seeks love. Unfortunately Jon is unable to give her what she needs. He to is struggling with his emotions and feelings and isn’t in the greatest frame of mind himself. He had a different upbringing from her and while she doesn’t care that he’s her nephew he is struggling with the fact that she’s his aunt. It no longer feels right to him and he just can’t love her the same anymore. I do think that if Jon had been able to return Dany’s feelings then the following events could have been avoided but instead we see Dany throw that wall back up again only this time she is completely isolated from everyone. Jon was her last link to her humanity and in that moment its severed. 

Which brings us to the next scene in the episode with Tyrion in the throne room. What’s important about this scene is that it starts with Tyrion trying to remind Dany that the people in Kings Landing are not her enemies. This is important because it tells us that Dany has forgotten this, you don’t need to remind someone of something unless they’ve forgotten it. The other part that is important is Dany’s respose to Tyrion saying that they were no different from the people of Meeren. Because she does see them as different from the people of Meeren. The people of Meeren turned on the Masters when they saw Dany arrive. They rejoiced her arrival, they gave her their love. The people of Kings Landing did not. They turned to Cersei for protection, they only gave Dany their fear. One of the biggest things I saw people having an issue with is that Dany would never kill the innocent. In some ways thats true she has often been the protector of the innocent or rather the protector of those she believes to be innocent. Because lets be honest this isn’t the first time Dany has killed someone who was innocent, she just believed that they weren’t and so believed she was in the right to kill them. Two examples of this are when she crucified Hizdar zo Loraq’s father only to later learn that he had spoken out against crucifixation himself and wasn’t what Dany believed him to be and then when she executed Dickon Tarly. Who again was just a stupid kid who was standing by his father. Both were innocent and yet on both occasion Dany believed them to be bad people and her enemies. This is important because to understand Dany’s actions you need to look at it through her eyes and in my opinion she didn’t look down at the people of Kings Landing and see innocent people. We the audience knew they were innocent but she saw them as her enemies and so believed she was in the right and her actions were correct. She’s spent her whole life being told that Westeros is her home and the people were eagarly awaiting her return, she came here expecting people to love her and rejoice at her arrival but instead she was met by fear and treated as a foreigner and an outsider. 

There’s also the part where she talks about how she’s securing freedom for the future generations. I think this is important because I also believe that to some extent on top of seeing them as her enemies she sees them as collateral damage. Like she’s thinking ok if I kill/sacrifice these people (who are my enemies anyway because they’ve sided with Cersei) then I’ll save more lives in the future. It’s this idea of sacrificing the few to save the many. Another thing worth noting in this scene is once again Dany is displaying very little emotion even when she tells Tyrion that Jaime has been captured and threatens him. Also I do feel like at this point Dany is seeing enemies everywhere. She doesn’t trust anyone, Jon has betrayed her, Varys has betrayed her, Tyrion betrayed her when he spoke to Varys before her, Sansa has betrayed her by telling Tyrion, Jaime has betrayed her by going back to Cersei, the people of Kings Landing have betrayed her by siding with Cersei. In some cases she’s right but in others its irrational to be thinking like that but it doesn’t matter anymore because her mind is already broken. 

And so we’ve reached that pivotal moment where she is sitting on Drogon upon the wall and the bells are ringing out across the city. This is the moment the gods throw that coin and we all held our breaths to see where is would land. This is also the moment when Dany begins the final arc of her story. All of characters are now at the end of their stories. Some of them have already began their final arcs, some are at the end of their final arcs but in my opinion this is the moment that Dany’s begins. And in this moment both we as an audience and Dany look back on her journey that has brought her to this moment. I mean lets put ourselves in her shoes for a moment. When those bells rang she got everything she ever wanted, the thing she wanted most that she’s been working towards for 8 seasons, the Iron Throne is hers. In this moment though I was reminded of that quote that Tyrion said to Cersei ‘a day will come when you think yourself safe and happy and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth.’ Dany has always wanted the throne and I think a huge part of that is the desire to feel safe to be happy in the home that was stolen from her. This moment should be the happiest moment of her life, she should feel joy and she might’ve for a split second but then that joy turns to ashes in her mouth because as much as this is what she always wanted she never wanted it like this. She’s reached the end of her journey, she’s won her prize but when she looks back at all she’s gone through and all she’s lost she realises the prize was not worth the price. It’s a hollow prize. She has been beaten and raped, betrayed by her closest companions, lost her husband, her children, her friends and now she finds herself with a throne but nothing else. Those she loved most were all taken from her. Now think back to the season 1 finale she tells the Dothraki exactly what she will do to those who hurt the people she cares about ‘those who would harm you will die screaming.’ Then later when she is outside of Qarth she tells them  "we will take back what was stolen from me and destroy those who have wronged me. We will lay waste to armies and burn cities to the ground." And as she thinks back on all of this suddenly all of those emotions she’s been holding in come flooding out. The grief, the pain and overshadowing everything else the anger. It’s in that moment that she realises it’s not enough, the Iron Throne no longer means anything to her what she really wants is revenge and so every promise shes made through out the series comes true and she takes what is her in fire and in blood. She takes all of that anger out on the city. Also I do want to say that Emilia did an amazing job in that moment. I mentioned above that I think she did some of her best work in this episode but that moment when she was looking across the city and you could see all those emotions rolling across her face gave me chills. She looked devastatingly beautiful. 

When you think about Dany’s journey it really is one of tragedy. She lost at least 8 of those closest to her, at least 5 people have betrayed her, the man she loves turns out to be her nephew and also could be the one to take everything she’s ever wanted away from her. She spent her whole life wanting to return home only to realise when she got there that she didn’t belong there after all. And at the end of it all she’s left completely alone and unloved as she said all she has left is fear. Another thing I think is important to remember about Dany’s character is that she’s never been one to shy away from violence. Her entire stiryline has been littered with her burning and killing others. And yes this is the same of many characters in Game of Thrones but the thing with Dany is she seems to take some kind of enjoyment out of killing her enemies. If you take her reaction to killing and compare it to Jon for example. While Dany enjoys killing those who wronged her Jon struggled with killing his own murderers. Jon has never particularly enjoyed killing anyone. And so because of all of this combined to me her actions made perfect sense and in my opinion very much in line with her character. I think her story was very well written and I look forward to see where it goes in the next episode. 

Jaime and Cersei

Now I did say that there were a couple of things I had an issue with in this episode and the biggest of those was Jaime’s arc. In fact I’m very conflicted about how I feel about this one which is why it took me so long to get this review out I was mulling it all over and trying to figure out how I felt about it. When Jaime left at the end of episode 4 I was so sure he was going to kill Cersei I was also sure that was what I wanted to see. But as you all know that didn’t happen. He really was just going back to Cersei and to be honest at the time that the episode aired I was p*ssed about this. I thought it was all really stupid and I didn’t understand anything about Jaime’s storyline in this episode. I thought his fight with Euron was stupid, I thought him returning to Cersei was stupid and I thought his death was stupid and I was very angry about it for days. But this is where the conflicted part comes in. As time went on I began to think more about it and I realised that I don’t think I really did want him to kill Cersei just because she’s pregnant with his child and I feel like having him kill a woman who is pregnant with his child would be as big of a betrayal of his redemption arc and his character. 

That being said I’m still not satisfied with how it all ended for him. I mean I get what they were going for with it, it’s this idea that not everyone gets their redemption. And yes I get that it comes from the fact that while we can see that Jaime is a good man who has come a long way and deserves a redemption act and an epically heroic death Jaime himself does not. He doesn’t think he’s a good man in fact he thinks he’s a hateful person and he decides that Cersei is what he wants after all. And yes I can appreciate the poetry of them meeting again after their separation in the same place as where he left her. I didn’t hate every single moment they had in fact there were some parts of their storyline that I loved. That moment when they were reunited I thought was very well done and written. But the one scene that really got to me was their last one. I mean I teared up and got very emotional when Cersei said ‘I want our baby to live.’ To me that scene was soo well acted by Lena I mean I actually felt sorry for Cersei. These were her final moments and in those moments she was the most human we’ve seen her, I think the most vunerable to. It’s been said over and over again throughout the series that Cersei’s one redeeming quality was her love for her children and that really comes through in that moment. She was just a mother who wanted her child to live and she knew that wasn’t going to happen and seeing that devastation Cersei was feeling was heartbreaking to me. That was superb writing, to make the audience feel sympathy for a character who up until this point was one of the most hated characters on the show. The writing for that scene was great Lena’s acting was off the charts and in some ways I was glad Jaime was there with her and their child at the end. I wanted to feel joyous about her death, to be celebrating and instead I felt her pain and fear and I fpound myself hoping she would find a way out of it and that her child would get to live and I never thought I’d be hoping for Cersei to live.  

And yet there was still something about Jaime’s storyline that left a bad taste in my mouth. While I was ok with Cersei’s part and her actions which all seemed in line with her character I wasn’t satisfied with Jaime. The thing is there is one thing they could have done to make me happy with everything he did in this episode. And that is if they had shifted the focus onto their child as oppose to Cersei. If they had him say he wanted to save his child and it just happened to be that in order to do that he had to safe Cersei too. Like his main goal was making sure the baby lived I would have been good with it. Because then he’s a father trying to protect his child. They could still have kept everything the same in the episode, him sneaking into Kings Landing, his fight with Euron, him finding Cersei and trying to get her out so they can start a new life together and ultimately failing and dying in the tunnels. But with the focus on him trying to save his child it wouldn’t have ruined his character development and in a way it still would have been a redemption arc, he would have died trying to protect an innocent life. Bonus points if he had also got there in time to persuade Cersei to surrender to Dany in an attempt to protect the people of Kings Landing.

However by having him go back purely for Cersei I do feel like they threw Jaime’s character development out of the window harder than he threw Bran out back in season 1. Only they did a better job than Jaime because unlike Bran Jaime’s arc was well and truly murdered. Ok that might be a little harsh but I do feel like it could have been improved. The thing is it could so easily have been fixed by just having a little more put into it. If we had a few scenes showing Jaime feeling conflicted. Like maybe in that scene with Tyrion when he says Jaime knew exactly who Cersei was but he loved her anyway Jaime could have said something along the lines of I miss her and sometimes I wonder if I should have left her, maybe I belong with her. It would have shown us he was conflicted. Then it would have had the audience wondering who he was going to choose, would he stay with Brienne or go back to Cersei? Instead everyone was completely blindsided by his decision to go back to Cersei because he had barely mentioned her since leaving. He had been all about Brienne from the moment he showed up in Winterfell right up until the moment he left. 

I do still think that his fight with Euron was stupid. Like the fight itself was fine, it was tense and kept me on the edge of my seat, it was well choeregraphed. But I was confused by the premise of it or how it fit in with the storyline. Like what was the point of it, I didn’t even really get why they were fighting or what they were fighting over. Was it over Cersei? Was it just because they didn’t like each other? It just didn’t make sense to me. I’d have preferred if Yara had shown up and we had that fight between them.  

 Now the thing is I’m not sure if its just bad writing or whether I’m just bitter because it’s not what I wanted for Jaime. Like I said there were some parts that I thought were great and as an overall stroy arc I really enjoyed watching Jaime’s. It’s been entertaining to see him go from this prissy prince charming who was way to cocky for his own good to an honourable man who had complex layers. The tragedy of Jaime’s story is that although he got close he was never truly able to escape Cersei and in the end she was his desturction. I do think that she was always going to be his undoing. But as I said if it had been written with a bit more care it would have worked, I’d have understood it and it would have had more of an impact but ultimately I was just left feeling angry and wishing for what could have been.

The Sacking of Kings Landing   

However you felt about Dany’s decision you can’t deny that these scenes were visually spectacular as well as gut wrenching. I do think it was a very clever choice to not show anything from Dany’s prespective again, it was all from down in the streets. It put us the audience in the same space as the civilians who were having to live this horror. These scenes really did remind me of the Sacking of Troy like I could see so many similarities and I remember the first time I watched the film Troy and how emotional I got over those scenes and I defintely got the same emotions when watching these scenes. Just that disbelieve of what you are watching, mixed with the horror and the sorrow and even anger at the men who are terrorising these innocent people. 

I wasn’t at all surprised by Grey Worm’s and co’s actions. Horrified yes but not surprised. He has had this anger brewing up for the last two weeks over what happened to Missandei. Similarly to Dany I think this was the moment it all came out. As for the Northmen again I didn’t find it surprising. We’ve scene Stark men behave this way before. When Brienne was transporting Jaime they came across Stark men who had killed and hung three women because they had laid with Lannister men. I think their actions were best explained by Jorah way back in season 3 and he says ‘there’s a beast inside every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand.’  In this scene he also gives us more foreshadowing, firstly when he asked Barristan if he had ‘ever seen a war where innocents did not die by the thousands.’ and then again when he talks about the first Sacking of Kings Landing when he says he saw ‘butchery. Babies, children, old men. More women raped than you could count.’ I’ve said over and over again that the Game of Thrones series works through parallels and circles and history repeating itself. This was the writers telling us exactly what was going to happen to Kings Landing. It also served to show how war effects not just the soldiers who can be over taken by bloodlust but the innocent civilians who get caught in the middle of it all. 

One of the more heart wrentching things for me was seeing Jon’s reaction to it all. Jon has seen battles before but he’s never seen anything like this. His own men became the bad guys. It really hit me to see him desperately trying to stop it and just not being able to. He tries everything, he yells at his men to stop but that fails, he even ends up killing one of his men. Seeing that denial and disbelief as he looks around at all the carnage just pulled at my heart strings. I do think it was quite smart of him to yell retreat and fall back to get his men to stop. He play into their fear and puts it into their heads of we need to leave now or we’re going to die. Which you know was right the city was literally falling down at that point but his men did stop and they did retreat. But I do think this is going to have a very deep effect on Jon, it was one thing to see the woman he loves burn the city down it was another to see the Northmen behave that way, especially when he’s held them in such high regard, we’ve always seen the Northmen as the good guys and as having more honour so to see that questioned is terrifying and very upsetting. I said that I have a theory that Jon will go and join the Wildlings North of the Wall at the end of the series and I actually am even more certain of this now, I really do think this had done a number on Jon and really messed him up. 

But the most heart-wrenching moments in this episode were seeing the people siffering through this nightmare. Watching children being burned and seeing buildings falling down on people. But the moment that really made me cry was seeing those people in the street cradling their loved ones who were either already dead or were severely injured with burns and missing limbs and hearing them cry and scream. It messed me up a little. I had to take a few moments to get myself together again. It really did show you the horrors of war. I’m not even sure I’ve really got the words to convey how strongly those moments made me feel. But I said above that this was one of the most visually spectacular episodes and alot of that was shown by the destruction of the city. It was horrifying and yet I could not take my eyes off of the screen. Seeing part of the red Keep fall down into the sea, just crumbling away. Or when the dragon fire literally dissolved buildings. Also as gruesome as it was seeing the charred bodies of the victims. It all looked incredibly realistic.

One last note on this part is the music. As always Ramin Djawadi is a genius. I could spend the rest of my life listening to his score for Game of Thrones. But in particular when you had that slow build with the pulsing in the background like a heartbeat. I mean the while score was amazing but that part in particular stands out in my mind. It almost sounded like the kind of music you’d get in a horror movie.  

Tyrion

Ah my poor Tyrion. He has long been one of my favourites but this episode reminded me why. He always tries to do whats right. The last time he was in Kings Landing the people were pretty much cheering for his head and yet despite that he tries everything he can to save them. I do have my issues with him betraying Varys but at the same time I understand that he was trying to do what he thought was right. He clearly didn’t make the decision lightly and was deeply effected by it, That scene with him saying goodbye to Varys showed how much Tyrion really does care. 

Also that scene where he lets Jaime go and says goodbye to him. My gosh it was another case of truly amazing acting. There were so many moments in that scene that made me cry and also reminded me of why I love Tyrion so much. When he told Jaime that he was the only one who didn’t treat him like a monster and how he never would have survived his childhood without him really made me appreciate the bond between these two brothers. It was so sad to watch them say goddbye and that hug my poor heart. But the line that got my the most that just made me have so much respect for Tyrion was when he said ‘tens of thousands of innocent lives, one not particularly innocent dwarf, seems like a fair trade’. It really showed how much he cares about the people and the saddest part is that they probably wouldn’t give two hoots if Tyrion were to be killed. 

I will admit I am very nervous for Tyrion. I don’t think Dany is going to take too kindly to Tyrion letting Jaime go. The most frustrating part is that Tyrion technically didn’t fail Dany again. He assured her that the people would ring the bells and surrender and then he tried to do everything he could to make sire that happened with minimal bloodshed. And he succeeded. The city surrendered and it was with little bloodshed it was Dany who then went coastal and started burning everything in sight. Yet it is Tyrion who will possibly pay the price. I really hope they don’t kill him next episode. But I am very nervous. 

Clegane Bowl

This was just epic. I loved everything about this scene. From the Mountain killing Qyburn to Cersei just peacing out and getting out of there as quickly as possible to the fight itself. Also the location was perfect. That stairway that’s just crumbling away and now leads nowhere. You know that there’s nowhere for either of them to run, this ends here and it ends now. Also that shot of the dragon fire and then Drogon flying over the top was soo cool. Over the top? Probably but I didn’t care I still loved it. I also loved how gritty it was. How it built as well. It started out with the swords but they got closer and closer until eventually it was bare hands, tooth, nails and daggers. 

I also loved the throwbacks with the Mountain trying to crush the Hound’s skull the same way he did Oberyn, also the dagger through the eye which is a throwback to two things one is Jory in season 1 who got stabbed through the eye by Jaime. But also that’s the way Arya said she was going to kill the Hound ‘one day I’m going to stick a dagger through your eye and out the back of your skull.’ There is something kind of poetic about the Hound then using that against the Mountain. The fight was tense and violent and I kept wanting to hide behind my fingers everytime the Hound got thrown about. The Hound really had to struggle for this victory. 

Also as much as I hated seeing The Hound die his death was still epic. I couldn;t have thought of a better death for him. It just seemed fitting that he dies with his brother and it’s by falling into fire. Again that shot of them both falling from the tower and into the flames below was visaully outstanding and along with the music again it all added to the epicness of it all. So yes I am very happy with how the Hound’s storyline was brought to a close and I think they stayed true to the character all the way through. 

Arya and The Hound 

Arya’s stroyline this episode was actually my favourite part of this episode. I liked the scenes in the beginning with her and the Hound showing up and basically just telling that soldier I’m here to kill the Queen now get out of my way. I thought that was very humourous and very Arya. 

But one scene that I think was so important to Arya’s arc and that really had me tearing up was the Hound telling Arya she had to leave or she’d die here. In that moment I saw a father concerned for his daughter. I do think the Hound has come to love Arya and has alot of affection for her. This scene was just such an honest scene. I also love that it was the Hound that convinced Arya to fight to live and that from that moment Arya fought as hard as she could to live. Also it was so touching to have her call him by his actual name. When she said thank you to him I really do think she was thanking him for everything he’s done for her. It was a thank you for trying to get me back to my family even if it was for money. A thank you for teaching her all those lessons that helped her survive. A thank you for fighting for her. And a thank you for giving her a reason to fight to live. It was also a goodbye. She knew she was never going to see him again. There was just something so sweet and yet so sad about that moment. And again brilliantly written and acted. 

I also liked how the juxtaposed Sandor’s fight with the Mountain with Arya’s fight to escape the city. When the Hound fell Arya fell. When the Hound was pulled back to his feet and few moments later so was Arya. The thing that was so poignant about those moments was that knowledge of the Hound was essentially fighting to die and Arya was fighting to live. It’s these two characters that have been so linked and are so similar who are now heading in opposite directions from each other, one towards death and the other towards life. 

Another scene that caught my attention was when Arya falls and is being trampled by the fleeing people before she is pulled back up. This scene reminded me so much of when Jon was being trampled during the Battle of the Bastards. In both instances its two characters that had given up on life who suddenly have that desire to live and so they fight their way back to their feet, back to life. I like that they made that connection between them as well as the connection between Arya and the Hound. The other thing I noticed was that Arya was wearing her hair very similar to Jon. In fact there was a scene where they show the back of Arya as she moves through the crowd of people and from the back her hair looks so much like Jon. I don’t know if it has any significance but it did jump out at me in that moment. 

Arya’s journey through Kings Landing was so harrowing, like she should’ve died about ten times over and I’ll admit when I saw her laying on the ground with the blood on her face and covered in dust and ash I did think for a moment that she was dead but thankfully she wasn’t.

There were a few things that I did notice though. The first one is the man who stops her, It’s a very quick scene but I don’t think it was an accident that the guy looked so much like Gendry. I mean it took me a hot second to realise that it wasn’t him they looked so much alike. Now it might be the Gendrya shipper in me talking but I do think the show has made efforts to link Gendry with life and the Hound with death within Arya’s story. I don’t think its an accident that right after she decides she wants to live she has an interaction with someone who is the splitting image of Gendry. This is particularly interesting when you pair it with the fact that one of the last things she does before deciding to embark on her journey to death with the Hound is reject Gendry’s proposal. Then one of the first interactions she has after deciding to follow the path to life is with a man asking for his wife. I don’t believe in coincidences this was planned and has significance to Arya’s storyline.  

 But I think the biggest part of Arya’s journey this episode was that family she tried to save.She comes across them three times. Once when she is entering Kings Landing, then when the Mother pulls her to her feet and then later when she finds them hiding in that house. I again think its important that its a family she interacts with. Firstly because another thing she did when she left Winterfell to kill Cersei was walk away from her family. So this family ties into that, she wants to live and so that brings her back to her family. Also I again think its linked in with Gendry and that original rejection of that life of settling down as lord and lady and starting a family. The man looking for his wife and the family are significant because those were the things she was running away from when she was sure she was going to die but now that she wants to live those are the things she’s running towards. 

Another thing I noticed was that the little girl was carrying a toy white horse. Now this seems to be another thing that hold alot of symbolism in Arya’s storyline. In season 7 when Arya decides to return to winterfell she is riding a white horse. When Gendry arrives at Winterfell he is also riding a white horse. Now we have this little girl holding a white horse toy while Arya is trying to escape winterfell. Then of course Arya sees the white horse that she rides out of Kings Landing which I will talk about some more in a moment. BUt the other thing that has symbolism for Arya is the black horse. When the Hound arrives at Winterfell he’s riding a black horse and when Arya leaves with him she too rides a black horse. The other thing worth noting is that heartbreakingly when the mother and daughter are burned the little white toy horse is charred so badly it turns black. To me the symbolism is obvious, the white horse is life and the black horse is death. 

The moment that left the most impact on me in this episode was that moment when Arya looks down at the burned bodies of that family, they really did remind me of the ash bodies from Pompeii, I visited Pompeii and Herculaneum a few years back and saw the ash bodies in person, there was one display that showed a whole family huddled together and seeing that mother and daughter reminded me so much of that. But anyway back to what I was saying. The thing that struck me the most was she looks at the bodies and it focusses in on that toy horse and then she looks up and there standing amongst the death, and burning debris and ash is a white horse. I said this was the most visually spectacular episode ever and that shot of Arya approaching the Horse with the ash falling down was the one that took my breath away the most. There was something so tragically beautiful about it. I don’t even know how to properly describe it but well it was just hauntingly georgeous. Also the same can be said of that shot of her rding out of Kings Landing.  But this is the moment that she really embraces life. I am excited to see where Arya’s story goes next. 

Things that were not so hot. 

Above I said there were some things I had an issue with. Now I’m not going to put Jaime’s storyline here because I already talked about it above but ere are some other things that I think definietly needed some improvement. 

1) The Golden Company Who? Ok like really, what was even the point of these guys. They literally did nothing but die. There was all this hype about how strong they were and yet all they did was stand outside the gates then get burned. Like fine if they were to be defeated but after all the hype we could’ve at least seen them fight a little. 

2) Yara Where Are Ya? So I mentioned this briefly above but it feels like they’ve forgotten about Yara. Like I feel like this was the perfect episode to bring her back into the storyline. She could have snuck up on the Iron Fleet and done a double whammy attack with Dany on Drogon and Yara firing from behind them cornering them in. Also it would have made more sense to have Yara fight Euron than Jaime. But hey that’s just my opinion. 

3) Please Sir, Can I Have Some More? This season needed more episodes. I get that D&D supposedly had this vision of a 73 hour or whatever it was movie. But I do think it suffered for it and it would have been better for them to throw that vision out and go for the longer season. I do think Jaime’s storyline would have benefitted from it. Also though I am happy with the pacing of Dany’s storyline others might have been happier with more hints put in there. I just feel like this season needed fleshing out a little more in some places and that could’ve been achieved if they had those extra episodes. 

4) And Who Are You Again? Ok so this one is slightly linked to the one above but if they had more episodes they could’ve shown us more Cersei. Maybe it was just me but she just didn’t seem to be in this season very much. I feel like they sacrificed alot of her storyline for the sake of showing what was going on with Jon and Dany. So we only really got a couple of scenes with her before she died. I do feel like they should have explored more of her relationship with Euron because it was such a difference between now and when we last saw them, they seem much closer and more lovey dovey. The same can be said of Sansa and Bran they haven’t been explored as much as they could’ve been again I feel like they’ve been put on the back burner a bit so they can focus more on Jon, Dany, Tyrion and Arya. So we need more focus on some of the characters and that could’ve been achieved if there were more episodes. 

Anyway that’s it for this review. Once again these are just my own opinions. As one last word, A friend asked me what my opinion on the leaks were. Well I haven’t read the leaks and I don’t intend to I’ve actually blacklisted that tag though judging from the amount of ‘this post contains’ blocked posts on my dashboard and in the tags I’m assuming something has happened with the leaks. But I will do another review for the final episode and tell you what I think then. I’m both very excited and very nervous for the last episode. Still struggling with the idea that in less than 24 hours the last ever episode of Game of Thrones would’ve aired.