#that's your choice but it's not like getting into another relationship is gonna solve your problem there

[policemanofprincesspark]

don’t like Taylor either but at least she doesn’t hang out with raging zionists. it’s just hypocritical to be this hateful towards her as a harry stan

Honestly it's crazy zot3 goes cricket noises whenever Harry's being called out on twitter for his silence on Palestine or for hanging with Ben Winston at Trader Joe's. Everybody else is a villain for doing the most innocuous thing, but Harry is somehow absolved of guilt no matter what he does.

Also love that she thinks going through four girlfriends in eight years is just fine and dandy. Like, okay, fine; Harry was only in his twenties for most of those years, and having multiple relationships is normal at those ages. But this dude was nearing thirty for a while and now is thirty. He'd just entered this relationship with Taylor Russell when he was, what, twenty-eight? He's had fifteen total girlfriends/flings in the span of his career that we know of. That's a lot. Not only that, but he can't make them last longer than a year aside from the thing he had with Olivia, and that was just two years. Zot3's bias shows when she can't admit that Harry is the problem.

Most people by the age of thirty have had at least one long-term relationship in their life—"long-term" according to my definition being at least two-and-a-half to three years. You have a serious problem with your personality if, in fourteen separate relationships (fourteen because I'm not including Olivia), you never made it to just the two-year mark.

I'm being judgmental about this and I don't care. Some people have a serious problem dealing with relationships and even friendships. One fight and it's all over? I mean, come on. It's giving impulsive.

All relationships are work. Don't get into one with the hopes of it lasting if you aren't willing to do said work. Giving up is laziness.

[freedomfireflies]

okok so idk it’s nothing special really but i don’t think i’ve ever actually read something like that and i've been sort of searching for it for some time because i personally struggle with it and well, it’s annoying 👼 but anyway, my request is a one shot or even just a shorter blurb, whatever you feel okay with where H and the reader get into a fight for the first time really, they were always solving their problems by communication and always managed to not get into proper fights. but well it can’t last forever, right? so they get into actually heated fight and harry properly raises his voice at her and there the whole thing is, Y/N is sort of hypersensitive and whenever someone screams at her or even just scolds her, she cries and she can’t stop it nor control it, thinks it’s pathetic and is always ashamed or crying like a baby and not being able to scream back or remain calm. so she tears up and she’s telling him to ignore it and starts apologizing for acting like that and he sort of doesn’t know what to do because he’s really worked up and doesn’t think straight but he also feels extremely guilty. so maybe he like tries to go away and escape this but shortly comes back to comfort her or something like that? i dunno if it’s something you’d be up to writing, it’s totally fine if you don’t feel like it but yup, there goes my a bit of an angsty request!

“You are so fucking ridiculous. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

“Like what? Rightfully curious? Justly upset?”

“No…hysterical.”

You rear back, lashes fluttering as you stare at the aggravated British man across from you. “Wow. That’s what I am, huh? Hysterical?”

“Yes,” he says simply, unphased by the line he just crossed. “Yes, you’re being hysterical. And I can’t talk to a hysterical woman.”

You can feel the pressure against your chest as your throat begins to burn from the tears you know are coming. 

But you straighten your shoulders and feign indifference. “Maybe I wouldn’t be so hysterical if you would just talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he seethes for a second time. “We had lunch. That was it.”

“And I said that’s fine, but you didn’t have to lie about it—”

“I didn’t fucking lie, I—” His hands find his hair, fingers yanking at the roots as his teeth grit together. “For fuck’s sake. I don’t need to explain my choices to you—”

“Oh, yes you fucking do,” you argue, taking a step closer. “If you want to be in this relationship, you need to communicate with me—”

“I did fucking communicate. I told you I was going to lunch—”

“With Alex. You did not mention Samantha—”

“So fucking what? What does it matter if she was there?”

Your jaw just about drops. “It matters because she was a huge part of your past, and having lunch with her makes me think—”

“Makes you think what, huh?” he suddenly bellows as he moves closer to you as well. “What? That I was gonna fuck her right there on the table?”

There’s a fire in his eyes you’ve never seen before. A rage in his voice, in his stance, in his expression that you’re unfamiliar with.

This Harry…is not your Harry.

Your Harry would calmly explain the miscommunication and then ask if you wanted to bake some brownies together. 

This Harry looks like he wants to walk out of your life.

And into hers.

“You think I went there to cheat on you?” he continues, taking another step. And with each additional step, his volume rises. “Think I went there to beg her to take me back? To embarrass you? To throw all the progress you and I have made away?”

“Har…” you murmur, hands raising as if to tame him. 

Or perhaps to keep him away.

He doesn’t notice. Nor does he notice the subtle shake in your request as he continues stalking toward you. 

“Is that what you’re so fucking afraid of? You don’t trust me?” he just about shouts. “What? I need to be more communicative, but you don’t have to fucking trust me? What kind of fucking relationship is that—”

You don’t know how it happened. Don’t know when the tears that had been crawling up your throat slipped from your eyes and began pouring down your cheeks. You don’t know why you’ve suddenly been reduced to a puddle of quivering breaths and anxious glances but suddenly, that’s all you know.

Harry slows to a stop, focus flicking across your face as if assessing you. “What…what’s happening—”

You swallow a hiccup and quickly wave your hand through the air, as if to dismiss his comment. “Nothing. Nothing, sorry—fuck. Sorry, I’m fine, I’m—”

“Why are you…crying?” he asks, lowering his voice back to his normal register as takes one more step.

You roll your eyes, annoyed with yourself as you swipe your knuckles across your wet cheeks and huff, “I just…I cry when I’m…listen, I’m fine. I just…I know you didn’t go there to…cheat, I just—”

“Your hands are shaking,” he interrupts, rather matter-of-factly, his eyes downcast toward your arms.

You glance down as well. “Yeah, that…happens. Look, I didn’t mean to make you mad—”

“Why are your hands shaking?”

You swallow again. “’Cause…I don’t do well. With confrontation.”

He looks back up. “Oh.”

“Yeah. I don’t know. Childhood trauma, I guess. I just…I cry,” you admit, rather sheepishly as you once again try to dry the tears still dancing down your chin. “But I’m fine. Sorry. I wasn’t…I know I shouldn’t’ve—”

“Did I make you cry?” he asks now, eyebrows raised.

Again, you wave him away. “No. No, not…not you. I just…when people yell at me, I—”

“Was I yelling at you?” 

Your expression softens at the absolute confusion on his face. “I mean…I don’t think you meant to, but…you did get pretty loud.”

He leans back, almost as if you’d slapped him. “Firefly, I didn’t…I didn’t realize. I…I just…I don’t know…”

“I know,” you offer gently, attempting to reach for him but he’s quick to pull himself back, terrified to have you close. “Har. Don’t do that, it’s fine—”

“I yelled at you,” he mumbles, like he can’t believe it. “I don’t…we don’t yell.”

“I know, but you were…you were angry—”

“Are you defending me?” he interrupts, seemingly aghast. “Firefly, I fucking yelled at you. I scared you, I made you cry. That’s not something to defend—”

“I always cry,” you retort, smiling to lighten the mood but are instead met with a frown. “Harry, it’s fine. Look…I shouldn’t have gotten so upset about the lunch, I just…look people talk. Twitter talks, I thought…they seemed pretty sure it was a different kind of lunch, so…I assumed. And I’m sorry.”

He studies you for a moment, eyes flicking between yours before he sighs and takes a hesitant step forward.

He takes your face between his hands and swipes his thumbs through the tears. “Believe me, you have nothing…to worry about. Samantha was and still is the biggest bitch I’ve ever met. I was supposed to meet Alex. But he fucking set up the lunch with her because she asked him to.”

“Oh,” you whisper, now feeling a tad guilty. “Damn, yeah. She is a bitch.”

“Yeah. I mean, more power to her but…like a text would have sufficed, you know? I can just as easily tell her to fuck off over the phone.”

You smirk. “I do trust you. I promise I do. I shouldn’t have assumed, I just…I would hate losing you.”

“God, Firefly, you would never,” he breathes, dipping down to press his forehead to yours as his eyes flutter shut. “Never fucking lose me. It would kill me if you left. You are it for me, do you understand? You are it. I’m never fucking letting you go. I’d lock you in my basement before I let you go.”

You laugh and playfully swat at his chest. “Ha. Ha.”

He smiles and leans back to see you once more. “Please believe me. She means nothing to me. Hell, even Alex means nothing to me now. Just you. Only you. Always.”

You take hold of his wrists and squeeze, heart bursting with adoration for the beautiful man before you. “I believe you.”

“And I promise never…to raise my voice at you again.”

“Hey, listen…I don’t mind a good yelling match as long as I get a few hits in.”

“Oh, is that right?”

“That’s right.”

He grins and surges forward to kiss you.

Hard.

“Good. Now…let’s go make some brownies.”

Thank you so much for the request, I hope it could somewhat fulfill your expectations! It was so fun to write, I’m so grateful you sent it 😭💞

~ Other Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

[exorcqism]

𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔

„𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑?”

CW;; general content. afab!reader, no sex, all fluff and the cute stuff. teen!geto, teen!gojo, no uses of y/n. not proofread so i apologize in advance for any mistakes if they’re made.

: ̗̀➛ art creds by;; currently unknown. dividers are not mine, if you own these, you may claim them in comments.

: ̗̀➛ WORD COUNT;; 1.88K

dark mode recommended

do not copy this plot. i’m perfectly fine with inspirations but give creds. if this plot his stolen in any way, the post will be taken down and you will be blocked.

𝐃𝐀𝐊𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 ✉️🖇️;; since christmas is on monday,, why not make a themed story with the non-sorcerer hater?? in his teens ofc. hope ya enjoyyyyy reblog to support meeeee and if you want more :D

another note: trying a new layout 😵‍💫 i’ll see if i like it or not.

“satoru, no..” geto rolled his eyes. it was christmas time. a chilly saturday afternoon and suguru was going to cook a christmas dinner.

a ham (which he told himself that he’d buy on his own), yams, macaroni and cheese, dressing. whatever popped into his head to cook…another thing for him to groan at when he was struggling to follow the directions. and gojo attempting to bring his nonsense into his home wasn’t gonna solve anything.

“why nottt? you’re bringing that girl over, why can’t i come?” gojo asked. geto wasn’t really listening, he was in the middle of feeding his snake, suguru, which he named after himself because he couldn’t think of anything better and eventually, he thought the name fit.

“geto?”

“ah, sorry. like i said, no. you’ll make a mess and you’ll have kay all pissed off because you keep pulling on her tail. then you whine when she scratches you.” geto finally replied. kay was geto’s fluffy white cat with blue eyes. she loved being around geto and anyone else who he willingly brought around…but with gojo it was a love-hate relationship.

“she jumped on me first..” gojo trailed off. geto sighed, still holding the phone up to his ear. he knew that if he kept denying gojo of stopping by, he’d probably just pop up without his permission anyway.

“hurry up and get here.” geto said a bit sternly despite the small smile on his face. “and would you bring me some saké? i ran out last night.”

“on my way!” gojo beamed before hanging up. geto adjusted his sweater and shook his head as he placed his phone down on the counter. the slim male would put his hair up into his usual ponytail and begin to take everything out of the cabinets that he needed to cook.

kay would meow a bit loudly over the clanging of pots and pans, assuming that she’d get some food too.

“right…” geto sighed. “gimme a second.”

quickly, geto walked over to the cat feeder that he ordered off amazon a couple weeks ago and pressed the button to dispense some food and immediately, kay ran past him to eat her food.

the male felt like he was already about to go crazy because of all the things he had been doing at once. turning on the speaker, geto would turn on a song that he remembered that you recommended to him. he loved hearing your recommendations, even though he never listened half the time and he’d play it off like he forgot.

‘no one knows’ by brent faiyaz began playing from his tv and geto was already enjoying himself while he had been waiting on you and his second guest. he’d light a cigarette as he vibed to the song playing from his tv, sliding around the hardwood floor in his socks.

“one stick of butter…three tablespoons of flour…” geto mumbled the ingredients you wrote down to make macaroni, his index finger underlining each word as he read.

as geto began to cook, mixing ingredients together and tossing the partially finished product into the oven, the doorbell rang. he was kinda hoping it was gojo since he was getting thirsty. his choice was incorrect though. upon his snow covered doorstep, he saw you all bundled up in your cute puffy winter coat, grey scarf with a matching hat.

“hi,” you smiled at him as you stepped into the house, gently stomping the snow off your boots on the carpet. geto hugged you and gently kissed your head.

“hey, you been okay?” geto asked as he’d walk back into the kitchen. you take off your coat and everything you’ve been wearing to keep your warm and put it up on one of the clothing hangers in his closet.

“yeah, i’m fine besides nearly sliding off the road from the ice,” you chuckled. kay rubbed her head against your leg, greeting you before walking off. “you?”

“i just woke up not too long ago. i wanted to hurry up and cook before i forgot and i starve to death.” geto answered. you follow geto into the kitchen, and the place already smelled nice. this was normal behavior for geto though. he always kept things clean and smelling good. he’d freak out if someone (gojo) stepped on his carpet with his shoes on.

“you wouldn’t starve to death. you know i’ll come bring you something to eat…my family cooks still.” you say. geto nodded, barely listening to you as he quickly grabbed out some cups, expecting some saké when gojo made it there.

speaking of gojo, the front door swings open and a freezing gust of wind blows through the house. geto’s head snapped over to the front door and his pupils retracted out of pure shock and slight irritation.

“close the door, dammit.” geto shouted. gojo sprung through the door holding a brown paper bag and shut the door behind him.

“i’m here!” gojo said in a sing song tone.

“hey, jack frost.” you chuckled at gojo’s goofy entrance into your boyfriend’s home. it was a bit funnier knowing that geto was already sizzling in irritation.

“about time,” geto grumbled before snatching the bag from the icy haired male and peeking down into the bag. he pulled the glass from the bag and saw that it wasn’t exactly what he asked for. he sighed.

“i said saké not soju. and what the hell is this?” geto pulled out a treat that was wrapped up and a small paper bag.

“same difference…and it’s kikufuku,” gojo smiled, “i bought one but they gave me two extra. pretty interesting coincidence, huh?”

“you’re a pain in my ass already.” geto huffed, taking a bite out of the sweet treat. he raised his eyebrows, clearly enjoying it. the male held up the treat to your lips, which you would take a bite out of also. it was pretty good. you were expecting to hate it.

“go sit on the couch. don’t touch shit, don’t look at shit, just relax. i’m going to the store to go get a ham.” suguru instructed to gojo but he already had a feeling that gojo just wouldn’t listen.

“yes sir.” gojo put his thumb up before he’d pour himself some soju in one of the cups that geto had set out on the kitchen island and walked to the living room.

geto turned to you, taking a small drag from his cigarette. “you wanna go with me or do you wanna stay with …” geto pointed over in gojo’s direction. you smiled and nod.

“hey, i’m still here.” gojo shouted.

“shut up and drink your soju.”

twenty minutes later, you and geto arrive at the supermarket. the place was busy and geto wanted to be home as soon as he got the ham. while geto wanted to be in and out, you were wandering around, your eyes sparkling at the christmas decorations but grimacing when you saw the amount of krampus christmas cards on the shelves.

“ew..” you mumbled at the ugly art before walking off to find something else to entertain you. after a bit of walking, you found yourself in the bakery section. it smelled amazing. a bunch of fresh cookies and cupcakes were set out on the shelves and you couldn’t help but pick up a couple boxes. surely geto wouldn’t care.

“you’re gonna eat all this?” you heard a familiar voice say. you turned around to see geto who had been holding onto the shopping cart that had a bag, which you assumed was the ham.

“well, no. i was thinking that we have a little christmas party. all the food you’re making isn’t gonna be enough for just you and me…and gojo if you even invite him over for dinner.” you suggest. geto hummed.

“no.” he said bluntly. “eat all that stuff and share with gojo…you know how much he likes sweets and all that other junk.”

you sigh, knowing full well that geto would say no. as much as he liked being festive, he wasn’t going for a full on party. not at his place at least.

“you know what…i’ll think about it.” geto said. he didn’t wanna be a grinch but he also didn’t feel like looking at your sad and mopey face for the rest of the day because he said no to a christmas party.

your eyes light up and a big smile stretches across your lips before you hug geto tightly, obviously excited. suguru sighs but he smiles a bit himself. he couldn’t lie, he did enjoy seeing you happy. why not give your idea a chance?

when you both arrived back home, geto fumbled with the keys for a moment, his hands aching from the cold. when the door was finally unlocked, the cold winds rushed through the door, pushing the smoke that was coming from the kitchen out of the way. geto wasn’t worried because he didn’t smell any burning food. it was probably his incense.

geto was shocked. so shocked he almost dropped the food. he was able to hold onto it. the house was a bit of a mess. suguru was gone out of his terrarium, gojo was nowhere in sight at the moment, and kay…well she was fine. she was sitting on the cat tree looking more annoyed than choso on a wednesday morning.

“satoru!” geto yelled as he placed the ham down onto the kitchen island and began walking around the house quickly to find gojo. “i’m gonna kill him.” you heard the black haired male mumble as he checked each room…even the storage room.

gojo emerged from the dining room with suguru hanging around his shoulders. he had been wearing his round sunglasses and that white dress shirt that had the sleeves rolled up. the male lifted his hand and pulled the glasses down from over his eyes.

“oh. hey guys.” gojo smiled before geto took off his shoe and threw it at the other, aiming straight for the head. you couldn’t help but laugh when you heard the sound of the shoe hitting gojo’s head then bluntly hit the floor.

“satoru…” geto began, “what did i tell you when you first got here?” his teeth were clenched together and he had a smile on his face that obviously wasn’t very friendly.

“um…you said,” gojo paused, thinking of what was said. gojo knew better but he just wanted to make geto even more angry. “you said look at shit, touch shit…and don’t relax.”

“that isn’t what i said you mono-brain celled monkey.” geto hissed. he’d walk over to gojo, taking suguru off of his shoulders and returning the snake to his terrarium.

“you’re lucky i’m not gonna make you clean up.” geto grumbled before pouring himself some of the soju that he swore up and down that he didn’t want to drink because he had a taste for saké instead.

“seriously?” gojo raised his eyebrows before being hit in the head with geto’s other shoe.

“get your ass in that living room and clean this hell hole up. and do it right!” geto glared at the icy haired male but his yelling and angry looks only made gojo laugh.

“okay okay, i’ll go clean. don’t drink up all the—”

“move it!”

𝐄𝐍𝐃.

⋆｡࿇ ·࣭࣪̇˖ 𖦹°༅༚

[cutestkilla]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thank you so much for this ask (and @bookish-bogwitch and @aristocratic-otter too). You're all amazing and your self-recs are too - I cosign them all!

So: this is the first time I've gotten one of these where I actually HAVE 5+ fics (of my own) to choose from 😂 so you know what, even though it's a *somewhat* trivial process, I'm gonna DO THE THING and come up with a Top 5.

1. What's Left (133K, M)

My first fic, and still my favourite. Probably because conceptually, I don't think I'll ever come up with something this cool or interesting again. And also because I got to spend so many words with my version of the Humdrum (who many of you know as Sid), expanding on what we know of him from canon and all the ways he intersects with Simon, and I kind of just love him alot. This is definitely the plottiest thing I've ever written, with lots of twists and turns and what I think is a sort of an arc you can't predict from the start (pioneering the Baz/Humdrum tag!!), and that made it really fun to write, and I hope fun to read too. Also, this is the most painful thing I've written (it starts with Simon dead, folks), which if you know me at all, explains why it would be my favourite. 😂

2. Hiding Out in the Open (48K, M - WIP 5/7 chapters)

This takes the #2 spot for sure because: a) it's also got a decent amount of pain courtesy of an alt-WS divergence setting and b) it's also kinda high concept. And c) I'm writing it as a very drawn out birthday gift for my beloved @artsyunderstudy in honour of what is now OUR beloved psychology podcast of choice, Hidden Brain. My favourite thing about this one is the way I've worked all these real concepts in psychology (and real episodes of Hidden Brain) into the narrative in a way that I think feels organic and true to the characters. It's been a challenging puzzle to solve, but man have I learned some cool things along the way. This one IS a WIP, but I'm going full steam ahead on it, and even though the story is NOT over, ch 5 ends in a decently satisfying place.

3. Slamming and Smashing (18K, E)

My first (and only) E-rated fic! I'm more of a soft smut writer, but I had so much fun writing this one as a gift for @ic3-que3n based on prompts that included: NSFW, Simon slamming Baz into a wall (as referenced in Snow for Christmas), a very specific line from Bram Stoker's Dracula about wild rose, AND an Anastasia AU. This one is pretty low on pain/angst and high on post-canon fluff, but I did still give Baz a *bit* of a breakdown in it 😂. I'm proud of this one because I think it's hot and also because I managed to hit ALL those prompts in one smutty fic, and tell what I think is a pretty relatable story about how hard communicating can be in relationships.

4. Episode 5: The Tardigrade and His Boy (25K, T)

Another gift fic, this time for @raenestee! This was not only an amazingly fun collaboration with @facewithoutheart @aristocratic-otter @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @thewholelemon

@mostlymaudlin and @artsyunderstudy, but I found a way to have the Humdrum front and centre again which makes me so happy. I also cut my teeth writing Shep and Agatha POVs for the first time in this one, which was very fun. And I managed to write one of my most favourite types of fics: one that is both an AU and also secretly canon-compliant. This is my only true AU and I think it's a really fun romp (just like the rest of the series which I highly recommend).

5. This Is Your Place (18K, M)

This one was for Prompt Fest 2022 (a fest to celebrate the anniversary of @carryonprompts where - reminder - you can submit your Carry On fic prompt ideas and maybe someone will write them) and filled this prompt by @bookish-bogwitch:

"@ionlydrinkhotwater wrote this meta: "Omg Simon is such a ho, in retaliation for Baz pulling the open sesame move, he dashes to their room, showers, shaves (nicking his skin so he's a little bit bloody and therefore yummy) and "accidentally" comes out in just pajama bottoms with his tits full out, without the necklace." ... And I want to read a fic where Baz fuckin' Takes. The. BAIT."

What I think I did well in this one is building up both the tension and the empathy between Simon and Baz in a way that makes the payoff feel earned, even though the story only takes place over the course of a few hours, the day Baz gets back to Watford after the numpties. I also really love my Baz inner monologue in this, and that Simon gets to be a little bit smooth, too.

[demodoggonetired]

" I'm Batty 4 U "

For the @steddiemicrofic September Prompt: Charm || 548 Words || Rating: T || Warnings: implied verbally absuvie parent, implied period-typical homophobia

It sweeps through the group like wildfire after the whole Vecna ordeal. Something about everyone trying to go back to normal, re-engaging with non-world-ending topics.

Out window shopping, El happens upon a charm bracelet display and within the week convinces Hopper to buy one for her and Max. And who’s to deny the girl that's suffered through so much. 

El states it as her “momento of who she is, and those who helped her find that definition.” All while thumbing the rainbow and sunflower charms. 

So it’s no surprise when Robin, Nancy, and Erica are seen wearing their own charm bracelet designs after Girl’s Night. Then through a spidering chain of conversations and convincing, the rest of the party soon each have custom bracelets.

For Steve though, the issue is that he’s just not a bracelet sort of guy. The occasional pinching when it doesn’t sit right. Constant jangling and shifting every time you move. It’s not for him.

(Plus he knows his Dad would make him throw it out if he ever saw it. “Jewelry isn’t for men.” and all that. (Of course I don’t agree, Robin. But I still don’t want to risk it getting tossed.))

Until Robin solves the problem for him. Turning his bracelet into a keychain for his car keys. And he didn’t realize just how much he’d come to care for said keychain once it’d stop pinching his wrist. 

Exactly as El had painted it from the get-go; a constant reminder that he’s more than the harsh words his dad sneers as “encouragement”.

Of who he matters to and of who matters to him. His family. 

But it’s not for another few months that his keychain gains a companion.

“Hey, uh. Hey, Stevie.”

They’d danced around one another for weeks. From exchanged glances at the hospital, to touching under the guise of lending a hand, pulling excuses to spend time together.

“Yea?”

Finally culminating in Steve getting fed up and testing the waters with a kiss ‘hello’. 

“I know we’ve only been technically dating for a month now. But I’m pretty sure I remember you being a big relationship guy back in high school, and I figured well ‘Stevie probably never had someone buy him the cheesy anniversary gifts he bought for others’-”

“They weren't cheesy, they were well thought out-”

“And so, I got you something as a faux sort of ‘Happy One Month Anniversary’ gift.”

Eddie shoves the little trinket into Steve’s hands, forcing him to drop his book. 

“Small towns, especially Hawkins in particular, suck and so I figured this is as public as we’d be able to be. And I know the bat was maybe a bold choice considering the bites and all that shit but- Actually maybe this was a bad idea- Ya know what, give it back right now, Stevie. This was stupid- I’m gonna do something else.”

Deftly leaning away, Steve hooks his arm around his boyfriend so he can’t lunge for the keychain again.

“Oh hell no. My boyfriend gave this to me, it’s mine now. You can’t take Ozzy from me.”

“Ozzy? What?”

“Yeah, the little bat charm. His name’s Ozzy, he told me so himself.”

“What-?? Shit- Jesus Christ, you’re so lame. Come here so I can kiss your lame, adorable face.”

[olisephaa]

Okay just to collect my thoughts how I'm gonna draw/write Viktor Machine Herald™, bc I do like S1 Viktor but I dislike the goop possession, let's mash it up

original Mask. The inherent eroticism of hiding your face behind unfeeling metal, yet leaving you vulnerable and human when its removed. Removing it can be intimate & a show of trust, or forced which makes both him and his attacker grapple w the human underneath

Og hexclaw. What's the point of showing it in S1 if its never brought up again? I do like the idea I read in a fix that it's fully integrated into his nervous system like a limb, though I think it should be detachable for comfort

Arcane Herald didn't look like he was made of metal, but I do like the sleekness. So, his augmented arm and leg (after S1) may instead be more receptive to metal, allowing wires to connect to nerves etc. Would also solve the issue of his illness (that exists in arcane but not old lore iirc), since the fluid metal could more believable craft lungs. Also the Arcane concept art that showed him w ferro fluid type metal. Not 100% on the specifics but inspo from his short story House on Emberlift Alley.

Unsure abt Hexcore possession or if it should stay mostly a "tool". If I do want them to merge, their relationship should be more like how it was written in Doctrine; the hexcore being an otherworldly being that is curious and aids Viktor to learn about this world.

Anything he does is done with consent (none of that "choice is false" bs), he's the last person who would take another person's autonomy against their will. If I go with the ferro fluid ability, it could be helpful in integrating prosthetics in his patients. Organic metal in a way.

Reduced emotions but in the sense that he tries to subdue them, he can't get rid of them entirely. I do like the old lore idea of suppressing fear, tho Idk how I'd implement that properly

Isn't super muscular, any bulk comes from armor and augmentation

His coat/cape being Jayce's blanket is incredible, I'm keeping that

He's Czech. Very important

Also he's trans. As a treat to me.

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today im musing about choices. There are so many provided choices out there, laid out like a multiple-choice test, or a ballot. You have options and are urged to choose one from the collection.

Its cool that lots of choices are provided these days- its even possible to customize many types of provided choices, personally im overwhelmed by them pretty often. I needed to buy a red sauce for my pasta but now there are 20 different ones staring me down benieth the harsh grocery store lighting. My vacuum broke and now im researching whether Dyson is actually superior or if its overhyped and just well marketed. I'm honestly tired lmao.

The choices I can't get enough of though, the choices I want to be stronger at making, are choices you need to deliberately bring into being. Choices of action vs not choosing at all.

Like we all need to periodically rot on the couch but there’s a certain point where you can either choose something actively- like 'I'm gonna take a walk now', or passively wait until something else makes the choice for you- like your bladder or stomach forcing you off those cushions.

I think about people who are in a job they dont like, or maybe the job doesnt like them. But for whatever reason they dont react in an active way to the situation- they dont quit, but also dont try to improve whatever is wrong. They wait for a choice to be made, for someone else to change something.

I see it in relationships- people waiting for the right person to come along, lamenting not finding a partner while making no active choices that would help them find someone. I see people complain about their parner and wait for either a change or a breakup without trying to solve it. I see spouses that no longer make the active choice to love one another deliberately and on purpose.

Why? Why do we take a back seat in our own lives? I sure do sometimes. It's a kind of escape, certainly, its much less presure, and when things dont turn out it'll feel more like a forgone conclusion than feeling like your fault or failure.

Or could it be that weve been so conditioned to select choices from a menu that coming up with flexable solutions with uncertain reults is too unfamiliar?

Maybe we're all just tired of trying? The pit of feeling powerless is very deep in this era and why delude ourselves into thinking anything different?

Now I cant speak on the world and whether its going to be ok, but I do know a life chosen is an exeptional thing. Looking at your partner when times are hard and CHOOSING them. Hating yourself and wanting to rot and CHOOSING to give yourself a shower and take yourself on a walk. Wanting something and CHOOSING to initiate, to deliberately change the narrative.

Make your choices, take your life by the ass and kick it into gear, dont give your power away by allowing the choices to be made without you present.

Monday tag: @gioiaalbanoart @the-golden-comet (hmu to be +)

[thatswhatsushesaid]

k i'm gonna just put a pin in the whole "was jgy actually massacring multiple sects of 40+ people just for demonic cultivation date nights with xue yang" ('meat cute' anyone? ..I'll see myself out) or the "is wwx's capacity for gruesome violence inherently morally[1] inferior/superior to jgy's" disc horse for another time and move on

no one criticizing willfully bad faith takes about jin guangyao is trying to turn wei wuxian into the novel's villain when they bring up his actions in relation to what jin guangyao has done. no one is actually saying that jgy is not the principle antagonist in the novel. we can read. that is his role in the story, his goals and priorities end up in opposition to wwx's, and wwx is the protagonist. and, to my knowledge, there are no legit wen chao simps chomping at the bit to justify his eradication of the jiang sect at lotus pier. unless there are! in which case apologies to any wen chao simps who may read this post, your simping is valid. (also: bold choice. weird, but bold.)

what we are saying: the text intentionally sets up jgy and wwx as narrative parallels to each other. the text intentionally provides us with unreliable narrators as our lens through which we must view 95% of jgy's actions, first in the form of wwx (please don't @ me about his reliability, this man's spotty memory is meme-worthy, contentious legislation pass through parliament with more alacrity than his self-awareness wrt his relationship with lan wangji), then through wwx's interpretation of nmj's resentment-fuelled recollection of the past as a literal fierce corpse, then through sect leader yao formulating his extemporaneous[2] magnum opus of a condemnation narrative about jin rusong's death, after the witness testimony about jgy's marriage to qin su and super fucked up murder of his father. like, I hope it is understood why no one should be using testimony from sect leader yao as the foundation of their understanding for any character in this novel, period. /rattles the bars of my enclosure, do not trust sect leader yao!! he is the weathervane conservative mp, any time you end up in agreement with him should make you p a u s e and re-evaluate.

my point: mdzs is a fucked up little world filled with fucked up cultivation world politics and crimes and atrocities, and our most reliable window into this world is, unfortunately, wei "oh yeah I forgot about that plot detail" wuxian. more than that, his priority in the narrative is understandably not focused on solving the mystery (read: not a mystery) of why all of jgy's motivations, actions, and decisions are measured against a standard set so much higher than the one the rest of the cultivation world has to contend with (spoilers, it's classism). it's up to the reader to spot the context clues, often in the form of bits of overheard commentary provided by the common people in the background of some other major plot event that is unfolding, or in an aside by wwx himself where he reflects, "huh, maybe it's my own bias impacting my ability to read this situation clearly." I'm paraphrasing here but you get what I'm saying.

tl;dr the least interesting discussion we could possibly have about jgy and wwx is whether either of them are Good or Bad Guys Deep Down, particularly when evidence for either of these positions are provided by the novel's unreliable narrators and witnesses, but for some reason that's the discussion the jgy antis seem hellbent on having, and it's boring.

--

[1] I cannot stress to you how microscopic my interest is in some bible study-adjacent debate on morality in a danmei novel about necromancy, revenge killing, and the willful desecration of human remains. the extent to which I just do not give a fuck about this particular brand of disc horse is vast and limitless.

[2] inserts the padme amidala and anakin skywalker square meme here like we all understand that sect leader yao's statement about jin rusong's murder is based on speculation and not even circumstantial evidence, right? ...we understand that, right?

[lost-inanotherlife]

I gotta get it out of my system: bringing up Sawyer as an excuse for post-island Jack and Kate's break up makes absolutely 0 fucking sense.

First of all, both Jack and Kate have so many issues and real, factual problems to solve that Sawyer is literally the least of their concerns.

Secondly, it's disrepectful to Kate's character and unfaithful to Jack's.

It's disrepectuful to Kate because it flattens her character out and reduces her to the role of the eternal undecided between two lovers.

And it's not the case?* When earlier on in the flashforward she tells Jack that's important to her that he's decided to stay, to give them a chance with Aaron she's meaning it. At this point in the flashforward the love triangle is done, we're 3 years later the events we see happening on the island, Sawyer's been out of the picture for years. Of course, this doesn't mean that they can all forget about him, absolutely not, but compare him being a problem in Jack and Kate's relationship with their REAL problems:

Jack's alcholism and pills abuse, his commitment issues (does he really want to be there for Kate and Aaron or does he feel like it's his responsibility?), his general trust issues in relationship matters after his wife cheated on him (and him wanting to cheat on his wife, too), his douche behavior when he thinks people are deceiving him (re Sarah and Achara), he's fucking seeing his dead father, AGAIN. And I could go on.

On the other hand, Kate's basically fresh from prison and from what I assume must have been quite a long and taxing trial, her estranged mother tried to cut a deal with her in order to see her grandson and she only has a few months to live. She's caring and providing for Claire's baby on her own and has promised Sawyer that she would make sure his own daughter is well too. She's on probation and can't leave California so keeping Sawyer's promise might endanger herself and her own son. Her partner, who's also her adopted son's uncle, is heavy drinking in the afternoon and being a general dick lately.

I MEAN. COME ON.

It's unfaithful to Jack's character because he's always, ALWAYS been aware that Kate and Sawyer are first and foremost friends. Because they are. Aside from their romantic involvement their platonic relationship is very strong. On the island, where he actually may or may not have had some ground to throw a fit at Kate for her romantic attachment to Sawyer, he's always been respectful toward their relationship. A bit bitchy sometimes (fuck yeah but that's Jack Shephard y'all), I won't deny it but never a complete douche.

And what's up with this pathetic excuse that Sawyer wouldn't want Jack to know? Even if it was true, lady we're talking about a kid here okay? Let's be real, you can't keep your fiancé out of the loop of "people on the island's kids I'm providing for". This specific writers' choice (making Kate say that she can't tell Jack because Sawyer wouldn't want) makes Kate seem absolutely fucking stupid and it's NOT fair.

Also, when she made that promise to Sawyer she was not engaged to Jack. Years have passed and things have changed, I seriously doubt that Sawyer thought that Kate was gonna keep that secret to her grave. And it wasn't a secret in the first place, it was a favor.

Sorry for bitching and moaning, I might be doing that again in the future, LOL.

it's just that... Kate's character has got so much potential and I hate when she gets pigeonholed as love interest. Jack's struggles too are way bigger than his supposed rivalry with Sawyer. I hate when they don't do justice to previously consistently written characters.

*and, imo, it's never been the case? As I've stated before, the apex of the love triangle has always been Jack. Ofc, this doesn't mean that both Kate and Sawyer can't make their own decisions, but Kate's (Sawyer's too but that's for another day) are very much connected to what Jack does or, to be more precise, what she thinks Jack might do (more importantly what Jack doesn't do, cause my babygirl Jack's quite slow on the uptake when it comes to flirting) and always, always depend on her own belief that Jack's "good" while she's "bad" and she unconsciously begrudges him for that (see "What Kate Did").

[jackiequick]

Friends over the years [Agent Carter fic]

Pairing: Jason Grey Underwood and Howard J. Stark

Summary: A friendship that goes beyond a average kinda bond. They loved each other like brothers, treat one another like friends, respected their relationship like a pair of lovers. Sadly it goes downhill due to a stupid painful argument…

Romantic or Platonic Relationship

Fandom: Marvel, Agent Carter

Spoilers for Agent Carter season 1 & season 2. A bit of Iron Man 2.

Warning: Fluff, angst, mention of treason and one side conversations

Characters shown/mentioned: Peggy Carter, Maria Stark, Nurse Violet, Edwin Jarvis, Ana Jarvis, Daniel Sousa, Tony Stark, Hank Pym, Dr. Jason Wilkes, and SHIELD in general.

Note: Glen Powell played Hangman, my HC is that Hangman is BI so will be Jason haha

—

It started out to tender so sweet then they got me smoking out the window…

“What’s your name, champ?” Said Stark with a classic charming grin, holding out his hand.

“Jason, Mr. Stark.” I replied shaking his hand with a politic accent and smile to go along with it.

“Mr. Stark? Call me Howard everyone does! What brings you by?”

“Uh, Peg said you have new pairs of gun for me?”

“Ah, Peg sent you! Well your in luck pal, cause I have the perfect hand held guns made just today. Better than ones I manufactured back in 42’ I’ll tell you that much.”

“Anything is fine, Howard. As long as it last me up to more than 50 hours a bullet, I’ll be doing just fine.”

“Your my type of man, Jay! Can I call you, Jay or JJ?”

I chuckled, “Of course you can.”

~~~

He walked and talked about everything, “Great! You seem familiar, have we met before?”

I chuckled once again, “Actually we have, a charity in the park back in 43’.”

“Don’t remember.” He shrugged.

I sighed, “You were wearing a cherry brown tie and a freshly tailored suit.”

“Ah yes, now I remember! I was looking snazzy in that suit, I remember bringing home a lovely lady that very evening. She was Italian and the champagne was devilishly delicious—”

“Howard!”

“What?”

“Focus.”

“Yeah, right! You were saying.”

“I’m here because I’m working with the SSR on a case involving Dorothy Underwood and a Russian therapist who framed you and your weaponry.”

“Ah yes! I invent stuff but I always make sure what I’m doing correctly, what do you got?”

“Easy, we’re tracking them down for each movement. I know where Dorothy is and Peggy is tracking her down while The stupid Russian therapist is currently at SSR headquarters. Before anything gets messy, do you have any relations to any of those two?”

“Uhhh no? I met a lot of people how do you expect me to stay on track with that. I’m a busy man, JJ.”

~~~~

It took time but he started to connect the dots on how he was related to Dorothy Underwood’s case, then we were on the roll. After what felt like hours with Howard, Peggy and Jarvis we were able to settle down on a plan. Howard was used as bate to lure our bad guys out while Daniel, Jack, Peggy, Jarvis and I were ready to attack. Quickly Howard was kidnapped by them as we raced after him. Once we arrived Howard was flying a plane straight headed near the New York City Harbor as he being mind control by the therapist to his practical deathbed!

Daniel, Jack and I instructed Jarvis to fly the plane as we kept marched up to track down the threats. Peggy was fighting Dottie while all of this was happening, I swear i was getting a headache sooner or later from all of this. Thankfully the day was saved, Howard was brought back to the ground, Jack and Daniel returned back to work and Peggy was giving a seat nearby the stakeholders at the SSR allowing herself to get a more flexible job.

A week later, I headed over to Howard to discuss moving out to LA since it cleared up to see that my sister, Dottie, wasn’t gonna be a huge problem anytime soon. There was always crime to be solved in LA especially after Daniel Sousa offered be a positive choice there, why not take the offer and run with it? So I did!

-//-

-> In Los Angeles, everything felt pretty cool! Howard’s penthouse and other living corners were very much a good fit for me. Breakfast in the morning next to the poolside, a nice walk in the park. Heading to set for movies we’ve decided to film together and afterwards in the afternoon, I spent hours at the SSR for detective and paperwork duties ordered by my friend, now Chef Sousa.

“Morning, handsome.” Howard teased coming up from his workshop, grinning and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“What have i told you about late night in your workshop?” I replied taking a bite of my toast and taking a sip of coffee.

“Uhhh don’t do it?”

“Exactly! I swear I’m one of the reasons you’re still alive today.”

“Heyyy! You love me!”

“Never said I didn’t, hot stuff.”

I stood up and walked over to the kitchen island, standing next to Howard ruffling his hair a bit with a smile. Howard smiled and being his usual flirty self. It results in a laugh and a eye roll.

He moved closed and joked yelling, “Quit it!”

“Be good today.” I joked back sending a charming wink to him, as I walked out grabbing his jacket.

It was good. Real good.

Until it wasn’t.

Sadly, that same week I crashed my car during a horrible lightning storm driving around the countryside of LA to see Peggy and our friends for a unsuspecting case. The weather got chiller and air became thicker as all time froze up, leading me gasp for air after being unconscious for 20 minutes straight.

I was fine and arrived back home with a few cuts in bruises leading to, Nurse Violet, to help patch me up as we all discussed the crime rate activity in LA with the group. I fell for this woman hard. A gentle soul.

-> During the invading investigation which lets everybody working and spending in Howard’s lab for answer on Miss Froster connection to Zero Matter.

Jason was calculating a design for a machine to cover up and consent the rest of issue, especially involving their new friend, Dr. Wilkes, who joked how much Jason and Howard seemed to care each other. The respect they had for one another. He joked back with a shrug saying that Howard was his idiot in more ways than one, at that same time Jason felt a heatwave climb up his jacket and slightly dizzy.

Howard and Peggy noticed and rushed over, lifting Jason off the ground before he fell back. He insisted he was fine but he was tired and overwhelmed, Peggy remember that Jason didn’t even bother to go to hospital after accident.

Jason was given a opportunity for plenty of examinations and refused to say on bed rest that night, until Peggy practically threatened him to do so. Jason was examined again and again, even got a cast on his sprained ankle. But nothing crazy happened and the results came down to a small fever.

Nurse Violet and Ana took care of him that the next few days. Jason would admit he was eternally grateful for that, especially for Violet since she was sassy angel gifted to be by their side. He took his shot and asked her out on a date, but she told him to wait for that time to come. It was a small promise that was made.

Thankfully it was fine and the fever went away, they all assumed it was side effects from the accident, the stress from the case and work in general. And it was.

—-

Everyone got back to work and weeks went by, months along the way Ms Frost was put away behind bars and Dr. Wilkes was offered a job at the SSR.

One morning after having a moment to actually catch their breath after all that chaos, Howard appeared next to Jason nearby the pool of their house, handing him a beer.

“Thank you.” Jason repiled, taking a sip with a smile, “You alright? A penny for your thoughts?”

“Y-yeah. Just thinking about the future.” He replied with a playfully nudge.

“You’re film? You’re gonna make that happened with Frost public?”

“Maybe? I mean no! Well not that worse idea. I can win an award winning director for that. Can you imagine?!”

“Howard. Focus.”

“Right sorry! I was thinking a bit more closer to the present. Everyone deserves a bit of normal after everything right?”

“Of course they do. But maybe we shouldn’t settle for normal life, domestic romanized life maybe.”

Jason met Howard’s dark brown eyes, and he felt like he was lost for words, in the sweet warm of it all. Damn Jason wanted to test the water and try something a little different. Howard met his eyes seeing a life with him, deep down a part of always smiled knowing shining light in them. Damn Howard could tease the waters with him, he liked his women and men, especially this one. They moved closer to one another with soft grins laced on their faces laughing at the fact how silly they are being about this whole thing.

“What’cha thinking, Howard?” Jason asked with a tease in his voice, “I know that look. Very well.”

It was rare to see Howard this silly, vulnerable and honest. Only ever him and Peggy seen it.

“How much almost I lost you and our friends two weeks ago? I can’t live with myself if I did. I just can’t, JJ!” Howard admitted to him with a sigh and smiles, “Look at me? What am I doing?”

“You’re being honest with me. Your one of my best friends, Howard Stark, maybe even more than that. You will never lose me..I hope?” Jason replied with a chuckle.

Howard joked with a smirk, “Is this the part of the film where the guy kisses the girl?”

“Or so I’m girl in the scenario huh?” Jason joked back with a smirk.

“Well if you insist.”

“Hey wait-!”

Before neither one of them to say a word or even finished that very sentence, Howard leaned in and placed his lips onto his best friend tasting the liquid gold from the beer. Jason chuckled honestly didn’t care who say, locking lips tasting the tequila shots from earlier with him cupping his chin.

They were rather tipsy but won’t admit it. The two stayed like that for a little while, sparking a sweet open love and tender laughter from how ridiculously fun it was.

The two friends knew that the kiss meant nothing, it was just a fun thing of accidental attraction. They laughed about it. They’re young! Besides what’s friendship if you can’t experience and experiment things together?

——

Over the months, Howard and Jason did almost everything together. It was a very casual thing the two had together, but they cared about one another much. It was a rather open friendship, they dated and talked about who exactly decided to be their lucky ladies. Jason started finally dating Nurse Violet and was admiring their blooming romance.

You could’ve sworn they were like an two old friends or even, old married couple.

But that award went to Maria Stark and her loverboy Howard. Maria, Jason and Howard were a young trio within itself, noticing everything that happened. Along with Peggy, Jarvis and the rest of their friends. Matter a fact, it was Maria and Ana that pointed that Jason’s slight deep wrinkles that were previously made from the smile lines were fading gone and the effectiveness of the curious blew up. As they realized that it seemed over the last few months the aging process stopped completely for him.

Howard, Daniel. and Peggy worked long enough to figure out a way to seek what happened to him. They spend months doing tests, case films and files, examining his every single movement and reading books for answers. But nothing came up, Jason believed it was a giant mistake, a curse that happened due to the lack of caution he reflected on not having.

Maria reassured him that it wasn’t his fault, they couldn’t have known for this to happen. Peggy agreed knowing that they didn’t knowledge this beforehand as Howard was deep into a book, who trying to figure out what went wrong with his equipment and such, agreed.

~~~~

One night Jason felt defeated and went home to tell his girlfriend, Violet, what pained him.

“Honey, I’m sorry, so sorry. You don’t deserve me..” He said standing in the middle of the living room.

“What do you mean?” She replies knowing what happened, cupping his hands.

He kissed her hand gently and replied, “You deserves somebody who can grow old enough with you. I can’t give you that..”

She nodded looking at him with love in her eyes, “Hey sugar, I know it’s bad for us right now.”

“I don’t want to be a burden on you and have you wake up one day regretting your decision to be with me..”

“Then I’ll love you for as long as you’ll have me..”

Jason smiled softy and didn’t hesitate to lock lips with the woman he loved dearly. That moment he knew, Violet Bolger, would be his girlfriend for as long as they’ll have each other.

—> However being the loyal man he always tried to be and knowing how much he loved Violet, a two and a half years later, he let her go. Their relationship was slowly dying out, he didn’t want to a burden who was holding his sweet girl one down. He wanted to see her happy, loved and most importantly an opportunity for a life where she can travel, grow old and make memories with someone even greater than.

~~

Years went by the group slowly grew older but Jason stayed the same way. He didn’t mind it too much, yes it pained him very much to not be able to grow old with his friends, who he considered family, and sometimes being seen as the youngest one. However it is what is! At least he had the support of his family and lovers beside him. Maria and Howard.

And when baby Anthony Edward Stark came along, or Tony for short, let’s just say everyone was happy. Poor Edwin Jarvis though, he had to change diapers. Peggy and Ana were delighted to be aunties. Maria was excited to be a mother and Jason was always wanted to be a uncle. The first two years, Howard was very attentive and on top of things when it came to his son. Bring Tony everywhere and anywhere possible, the days he wasn’t working at SHIELD and in his lab downstairs that is.

When Tony became 3 years old, almost 4 however, that’s when the plane started to take off. Bickering, arguments and feelings just either hurt or ignored. Yes it was normal for couples, or in this case, sorta throuple always fought. Especially this one! Howard was always working more than Jason ever did and Maria was always part time working at the jewelry store she co-owned with a friend of hers. They always made time for one another, especially when it came to their family and friends.

~~~

One afternoon Jason returned home from a long trip on a mission to Las Vegas, Nevada to collect samples of a metallic suspicious bonds and examine that at SHIELD headquarters. He appeared in the front door to hear running of tiny footsteps, followed by much larger ones. The giggles came along with the footsteps made Jason roll his eyes and chuckle.

The tiny footsteps zipped by and before they can reach the living room, Jason caught him. In his arms lay the giggles and yells from the charmer himself, Anthony Stark, his hair was a mess and in his hands held a toy screwdriver.

“Uncle JJ!” Tony yelled finally registering who’s arms he was in and giggling tightly hugging him, “You’re back!”

He laughed hugging his nephew tightly showing him in plenty required tickles for being gone for too long and asked, “Yeah buddy, I’m back home! Now why were you running? You knew the rules.”

“Jar’vis is making me clean my f-feet!”

“What?”

It didn’t register in his mind what his nephew meant until he looked down to see the shoeless feet that rested against his button down, that were covered in dirt. He sighed deeply realizing now that he had to clean up a cheeky little 4 year olds dirty, probably muddy, feet from playing in the backyard without his shoes. He carried the young boy into the bathroom and requested for Jarvis to get him some towels as he washed his feet.

Tony explained what he was doing today after attending dentist appointment that his mother had earlier, which involved him building outside, drawing, watching his favorite cartoons and helping his mother with the dishes. He even slipped out that he accidentally found himself in his father’s workshop just wanting to hang out in there as Howard kicked him out, resulting in Tony hearing his mother and father bickering as he was carried out by Jarvis.

Jason sighed deeply once again and internally groaned in annoyance at what happened today. At this point, it didn’t surprise him at all, with the amount of time they fight it surprises him how Maria, him and Howard still live under one same roof. To be honest, they all walked out of this house more than once, due a argument

Tony pouted and spoke up, “A-are you mad at me?”

“Buddy why would i be mad?” He asked, scrubbing his feet gently.

“Cause..i walked into daddy’s workshop..i know i can not go only if you guys let me.”

“For starters we don’t want you in there unless supervised because it can be dangerous and you can accidentally get hurt.”

“Okay..I’m sorry. A-are you gonna talk to daddy and momma?”

“Well why did you do it in the first place?”

“Be..cause i wanna play with daddy but he too busy for me..he don’t love me anymore..”

“No buddy, don’t say that. Of course he loves you, he’s just gets too caught up with work that’s all.”

“I just wanna play with him, uncle J..”

“I know buddy, i know. You’re father does things for a reason, he just keeps carried away sometimes..”

~~~~~~

Then Tony asks him a question he didn’t expect for the four year old, then again he was smart for his age, but still. The young boy sighed deeply, sometimes he picked up on from seeing his uncles and aunties doing a lot. Tony asked, “A-are you love, JJ?”

“What?” He asked with a soft smile, adding some more now to his feet.

“Are you love? Momma says that you don’t date anymore..and that you love her and daddy more.”

“Well buddy, i do love them both very much. With all my heart. As for dating, uh it’s hard for your uncle to find himself a girlfriend with work and no one wants to date someone with crazy dance moves..”

Tony giggled at that and yelled, “You do dance funny!”

“You see! Auntie Ana says i dance like a chicken.” Jason replies chuckling, drying off his feet now.

“You dance like a funny chicken who ate too much candy!”

“A chicken on a sugar high?”

“Yes!”

The two laughed, smiling. Yes there was truth to that part to what his uncle told him about not dating, was that he didn’t age and rather not live a life with somebody who can, but Tony doesn’t need to know the whole truth just yet. He was still a child.

Jason place a fresh pair on shoes, thanks to Jarvis, onto Tony’s little feet as he said, “You see! If i went on dates every night I wouldn’t have time to talk with you.”

“You are right! No dating, i do not want a date either! Girls are eww!” Tony replies giggling, walking down the hallways following Jarvis and his uncle downstairs. That resulted in both men to roll their eyes and laugh at the young boys words.

The three of them found Ana and Maria serving lunch greeting the women, as Howard came, slightly late, upstairs to eat with them. It was good, real good for a while. The rest of the day was just fine, per say.

————

However it soon got to a point where the tension ran high the next few months and possibly even years. The water to the cup started to soon overflow, but Jason kept quiet, it wasn’t his place to talk about certain things. He knew his limits and where he stands, but sometimes it annoyed him. It made him question everything he ever knew…

He noticed how Howard and Maria changed perspective on certain things, Maria got more annoyed about things and Howard kept acting like everything was fine. When clearly he was ignoring stuff around the house and even his son. If those was thing that made Jason’s blood boil was something that involved his friends and family, especially his young nephew who didn’t know any better.

One Wednesday afternoon, he had enough of this bullshit. He knew Maria wouldn’t say anything about it and handles everything her own way, but he wasn’t her. Jason stormed into the lab downstairs that now held so much stuff, it looked like a madhouse in there. No wonder why Jarvis always complains about Howard’s messes!

Howard was working on a few equations and running his fingers across some equipment he’s building to showcase Hank Pym later that week. He didn’t even hear the door shut or the fact that there were rough clapping of footsteps followed up within seconds. He heard a simple ‘can we talk? Now.’ And he only received a half nod in return.

Jason tapped his foot onto the floor, with his arms crossed and waited for his friend to stop what he doing to stand up straight and look at her.

“What?” Howard asked removing his sunglasses and runs his fingers across his hair, “If it’s that i forgot to pick up the presents for Ana’s birthday and forgot to pick up Tony from school, I’m sorry.”

“I-ahhh, that’s not it!” He replied, pinching the bridge of his noses knowing how much a idiot he is, “Actually this is about Tony.”

“Is something wrong with him?”

“Yeah, he’s not being treated fairly by you.”

“W-w-wh-what?!”

He scoffed, “Howard you’re more focused on your work than your own family! You’re overworking yourself and literally kick out your poor son whenever you get the chance.”

“HEY! Everything i do is for my son, you know that!” Howard remarked pointing a finger at him, “To give me a future i never had!”

“I know that!”

“So just let in work in peace, huh? You don’t understand what I’m doing here.”

“Oh really? Yeah of course, the futurist everybody! The last few years you have been so disconnected from everything. You barely go on date nights anymore with Maria or watch the stars with her, you don’t give Tony a bedtime story anymore and you just said it yourself—you forgot to pick him up at school!”

“It was a accident. Am i not allowed to make accidents as a parent huh? Everything i do is for my kid.”

“You just said that and i know. But Howard..” Jason sighed, “Tony doesn’t need any of this, he just needs you. You’re time and energy, that charming smile of yours to shower him in love! Not you working night and day, over and over again where you can’t breath or take a second of your time to relax with us. You’re forgetting sight of who you are!”

Howard growled, “Don’t! Don’t tell me how to raise my son, Jason. He’s not your kid, he’s mine! You’re just his uncle. As for Maria, you don’t need to defend her here, if she has a problem with me then she should just tell me herself!”

“That’s because she’s doesn’t care anymore! I’ve seen that women fight with you over and over again, to the point where she just accepted that, that’s the way you are now.”

“Yes I’ve changed JJ! People are allowed to change, that’s part of human evolution.”

Jason paced back and forth, turning around hearing Howard’s long winded speech about evolution and change. Howard leaned against his desk scoffing and dryly laughing, “You’re hilarious. This is all some joke to you right?”

“I—what did you just say to me?” Jason stopped and whipped his face toward him.

“This is a joke to you. You believe that your right here and I’m wrong, Jason. Just because you live here with us and know how this works, you think your right here.”

“BECAUSE I AM HOWARD! When was the last time you got out of here, huh? When was the last time you told Tony ‘I love you’ or took time to take Maria’s dancing or go bowling with me? Ever seen you started SHIELD, you’ve been noticing but a consuming jerk!”

“Is that really what you think of me? A jerk?! You don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand?!”

“Yes!”

“You weren’t acting one in the beginning, but the months and years after, yes you have become a bit of a jerk. One day you’re gonna regret what you’ve done.”

“I won’t.”

“You will!”

~~~

Both men were furious at this point, they have been yelling loudly and screaming for more than an hour, bringing up moments from their past. Some stuff was even throw on the floor at this point. That fire due to the years of love, the friendship and the curiosity was going out..or maybe the fire was already gone?

Howard grunted, “I’ve done nothing much work my ass off and made sure to investigate and invent things to make the world a better place. I’m doing what i think is right here! You just don’t see it!”

Jason scoffed, “Yeah and the world has hated you and thanked you for it! Must i remind me about what happened in 56’? Or in 46’, when you were committed for treason for holding glorified weapons and the whole state was after your ass? And we had to save yo—”

“Don’t finished that sentence. What do you want me to do, huh? Give me my lives work? I’m a inventor, if I don’t invent something or work my ass off, i will probably explode. I-is that what you want? What are you gonna do if i do continue this lifestyle? Leave me?”

“If i could i would take Maria and Tony somewhere else, away from you for a while, I would. But we both you would sent the best lawyers possible and god knows what after me, so I won’t. I won’t do that to you..or them.”

“Ah, you know me so well. And i know you..”

“You do and i love you for everything you do. But this…I can’t!”

“Jason..I can’t change what i do Jason, you know that! I just can’t. I’ve come so far and you just don’t see it.”

“Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“You’re playing the pity card again. You don’t think Maria, Peggy, Jarvis and I don’t see it? We do! Hell, Tony see it!”

“So why don’t you let me do it? Leave me alone to do my work! I’m trying here. Look what at I’ve made and I can’t stop it now.”

“Yes you can!.”

“No, I can’t!”

“Look, I’m not exactly asking you to leave everything behind. But understand this, I rather you show Tony this world of yours, instead of shutting him out! All of us out. Take a break or..”

“Or what?”

“Or you’re gonna lose the people you care for the most…you know what? What’s the point? I can’t do this...”

~~~

The next words that escape Howard Stark’s lips came out of pure anger and annoyance, “Do what? You’re gonna leave me? If so, get out. You clearly don’t want to be here anymore.”

“You don’t mean that.” Jason replied with slight shock in her tone and blinked a few times.

“Yes i do. You don’t need to be here unless you don’t want to.”

“Howard stop it. Listen to what you’re saying! I care about this family too much to see it fall apart.”

“This is my family! Not yours. You don’t get the final word, i do.”

“You don’t listen, do you?”

“Enough Jason! Get out.”

“You’re gonna regret this! Don’t come complaining to me when you’re son hates you.”

“Get out! There’s the door.”

~~~~

If there one thing Jason Underwood was and that was persistent, so before he left. He said, “When are you gonna realized your greatest creation isn’t those weapons you made or SHIELD or anything related to that, it’s your legacy. Your son!”

“I’m not gonna ask again. Please go..I don’t ever want to see you again.” Howard said with a pissed off sigh, blinking a few times.

Those last words hit Howard hard, as he stood up finding one of his older cameras and place it securely on the tripod with a half smile.

One of his friends, the man he once called a love in his life, the uncle to his only son and supporter walked out of that door without a second chance to help his case. Howard sighed deeply with his head in his hands. He was angry, tired, and annoyed. A part of him knew that his friend was right. He’s a workaholic man with no respect or anything like that for other people, depending on the situation. Always focused on the world’s future, but not sure on the future he set for his family. His only concern was Tony and Maria. His greatest creation being his son.

Without a question later, he turned on the camera and started to film himself, try to speak again like the focused, honest and vulnerable man he tended to be. He decided on leaving his door open just in case his wife called or anyone walked in in general.

Meanwhile Jason was packing his overnight bag for possible a two day stay at Jarvis house. He already had a house in Miami but he was only willing to stay with Edwin and Ana for a couple of days to get himself straightened out before leaving for good. Maria tried to convince him to stay, even if a part of her agreed with her husband instead

But his mind was already set on leaving and possibly visit in the future. Jason ripped out a sheet of paper from his notebook and wrote a note to his nephew, one to Maria, as well as one to Howard. He played them secretly onto in places where they knew they’ll find them one day in life. To say Jason was hurt like this was a understatement, breaking up with a girlfriend was one thing but with your friend of almost 20 years or more.

All he wanted to do was save something in this family of theirs, but knew he couldn’t. And that’s what pained him, he wanted to scream and possibly cry, maybe even let out cloud of smoke out the window.

The men may have been on separate grounds of the house, pissed off and hurt from their two hour argument with one another, but they knew one thing. They still somehow had respect, admiration and compassion for each other, no matter how much hatred and annoyance came from that. A part of them knew it.

——

Over the months and years, their friendship grew sadly apart. Their friends knew it. And what made it more interesting is that they still saw each other, weather they liked it or not. At work, parties, gatherings, birthdays, graduations, a ceremony for some special they were invited to.

Howard would always being pushed to speak to Jason and vise versa, only ending up in small talk between the pair, then walking off to speak to other people. They would be found speak to family members but not one another, Howard even though of not allowing Tony nearby to his uncle for too long, would be better during those events.

It was plainly stupid on both of their parts, but they both had their rights to be angry and bitter. It hurts.

Jason always wanted and most importantly, tried to explain to Howard the situation, hopes for his forgiveness after that nightmare of a week. But Howard’s huge ego, witty jokes, stubbornness and willingness to hold a grudge never let him see the light…

—//—

I hope you all enjoyed this story. It was a long and a interesting one to write. Remember to like, comment and share

This was an AU tales of two friends I wrote a long time ago before the whole MCU x Agent Carter fic thing

Tags: @gaminggirlsstuff @triptuckers @ohgodnotagainn @msrochelleromanofffelton @gcthvile @drspencereidhotch @mandylove1000 @t-nd-rfoot @topgun-imagines @blackheart-beauty @meiramel @eliohasmyheart @rooster-84 @yetanotherwells @blueboirick and etc

[fierceawakening]

You know, the more I think about my mom’s behavior, the more the thing Forbidden YouTube calls “vulnerable narcissism” makes sense to me as an explanation, whether or not there is such a thing above and beyond stuff this one person I am related to does.

That being that literally everything is bad to or for her. My dad got implants put in his mouth and now she struggles to hear him, but instead of “oh fuck, this is an unfortunate confluence of disabilities it’s “I can’t understand him! Fierce, can you understand him! It’s just SO UPSETTING THAT I CANT UNDERSTAND MY OWN HUSBAND clearly the guy doing the implants is a HORRIBLE RIP OFF. I tried to convince him NOT TO SEE THAT GUY but NO.”

Or worse, “WHY doesn’t he pronounce words CLEARLY,” knowing he had speech therapy. Which is just mean, and would be even if people with normal hearing struggled to understand him too. But we don’t. Or at least I don’t.

All this when he’s in the middle of a surgery procedure with stages so switching dentists is a bad idea unless he’s doing it wrong or something.

Like it’s unfair she’s hearing impaired, just like it’s unfair I have impaired mobility. But no one failed to put a curb cut in a useful place AT me. I Can be annoyed at whoever designed or built it, but I shouldn’t lament my plight in ways that make other people feel bad but can’t be solved. All I can do is decide if I want to walk around to find a cut or if I don’t.

On some level my attitude is my responsibility. I have to decide to deal, or to make a change.

Which is likely why The Forbidden YouTubes say not to try to convince your family member or partner to change. Because if they’re fundamentally convinced things are bad AT them, that’s a distortion that no one can undistort but them. By choice.

Which is a thing I did by choice when I decided to work on my own mental health. I tried very hard to ask myself what I could expect from other people and what I’d need to provide to them for our relationships to be positive, and thought really hard about how to get what I needed if I was asking too much.

It was kind of painful to withdraw when I still felt hurt, and it took a lot of getting used to. Now, though? “Hey Fierce, I feel for you but I’m overwhelmed myself/I need to go for dinner with friends/blah” “Oh okay, I’m gonna talk to another friend/play video games/exercise until im too exhausted to feel like shit. Thanks for listening.” And I still feel kinda bad but that’s not a betrayal. Friend left because Friend has own life. Which is just as scary and confusing as mine is.

When I see Tumblr saying that people just GET to not show empathy, or just GET to offer non reciprocal relationships, it really sounds to me like what’s being said is “you don’t have to bother trying not to hurt others, you poor baby.”

And I just… no. You get to think about whether someone’s demands are too much, sure. You get to decide the answer is yes.

But that may actually mean “the compassionate thing to do is cut this person off, because I’m unable to be the kind of partner or friend they need unless I become better at reciprocal relationships, which is hard for me.”

[dota2apologist]

i have gathered some dragon age thoughts post veilguard for you all. i guess ill put under cut for the people avoiding spoilers still.

i dont care if the maker is real or not, andraste is and that's all that matters

they really missed the opportunity w the andraste coin not meaning anything personal for neve. you dont think a girl trying to save the common people in a tevinter city could believe in the woman who marched on tevinter???????

only two of the character final personal quest choices are going to be controversial. davrin and emmrich. (yes the griffons stay w the wardens literally bite me. and being a lich is emmrichs dream and also i was just curious what he'd look like and its sick as hell the end)

a lot of the character interactions didnt live up to the hype for me. unfortunately, all the ancient elves part and the solas conversations were the hypest parts. but i love lore. so yehaw.

antoine and evka had charmed me in my letter from home and when i finally see them in game im already obsessed. they are perfect.

WHY the hell do all my party members get pissed off when i dont punch the warden in the face. fuck off. he's got blight dementia and is gonna die, im being NICE. in death, sacrifice. my sacrifice was not embarrassing this old man right before he dies!!

annoying that i say i married cullen and i dont get to hear ANY lines about my husband OR my dog.

god morrigan's haircut is so good. she is always so fine.

i am OBSESSED with all the warden outfits. that alone had me in a vice grip. yes i made skyhold a faux warden stronghold. yes i made my lighthouse the warden theme. i have taste.

why the fuck did they act like taash's mom was being transphobic?? why cant qunari have any rights smh

isabella after what happened in kirkwall i dont think you should be within ten feet of another qunari relic i never forgave you

i knew varric was gonna die this game, the reveal at the end was like hmm. just do it in the beginning.

OH MY GOD. speaking of dying. HOW THE FUCK can we not kill illario. 'oh he just sent me to prison' 'oh he just faked my death and held me prisoner' whatever that's family business. but he colluded with the fucking venatori. yknow the extremist group from tevinter that's to the right of the people that already say slavery is okay?? i should be able to execute!!! HoF would never.

i will never believe redcliffe fell. alistair and my warden would hold it till the maker himself came knocking.

unfortunately the faction side characters interested me the most. ily antoine and evka. ily viper and tarquin. ily the nevarra people i dont remember the names of rn.

i dont think i appreciated the writing in inquisition enough the first time around. it must be so difficult to encompass this whole world.

OK. back to lore. im thinking about how the dragons were the evanuris still putting their influence out to the magisters, hence unleashing the blight. NOW think back to the high dragon that was there at andraste's ashes, ([she came down in a bubble voice] and who ELSE had a high dragon, that's right flemythal) ......... bioware literally give me a blunt, two hours, and a whiteboard. ill solve all your lore problems.

i really need more lore exploring the first warden and the creation of the wardens. we understand how blight and shit came to exist. we get that solas created the black city. then years later the magisters find it blah blah. i still dont care about the maker. so blight gets unleashed, well let's talk about who's answering the call!!

i think maferath's regret is actually awesome. i think it's awesome that he regrets it. everyone go replay The Gauntlet in dao.

i miss alistair

i dont like that you can flirt w everyone all game and they just commit at the end and then you dont really have much established relationship time. i like that you basically get battle married in the other games. like yeah !! the world may end tomorrow!! we're your parents now you listen to us.

also im sorry and this is literally for no good reason its just bc im controlling and terrible but i dont like when the companions have separate relationships w each other. excuse me you are all supposed to be in love w me right now.

the strategy part of the games seems to be getting simpler ... the skill trees, the inventory, etc. requires less management.

also the three party makes sense bc the combat got so simplified but at first i was like how am i supposed to bring all my friends? and then i didnt really become obsessed w any of them so it was fine.

im already replaying and trying a new romance, just begging for one to scratch the itch. i have a good romance in every other one even DA2 the game where everyone will sell you for a corn chip (ily fenris) so !!! any thoughts or feedback here will be welcome bc im searching (i did neve the first time, i was holding out for the warden companion but i thought she had so much potential to be sooo interesting. im gonna do davrin now bc warden 4ever)

[neteluvr-library]

ANDRA BBY IM SO SORRY FOR THE SPAM AGAIN BUT LIKE....it must be done???? i dont make the rules ): don't mind me cruising through illicit affairs. now it is currently 1 am so if im a little unhinged now so please excuse my thoughts AHAHAHAH

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me. 

ANDRA YOU CHEEKY BASTARD YOU!!!!!!! im gonna have to find every "just you and me" reference now.

You’d recognise this voice anywhere, for the rest of your life, this voice was going to be able to pull you out of the deepest shadows and into the light. You opened your eyes and willed them to focus past the tears, past the blood you could feel on your hands and feet and focus on the blue form talking to you.

SEFEHUGHBKRBJSGJRGBOENGFOBR IM FUCKING CRYING ITS TOO SWEET....but *spoilers for the archer* I LOVE HOW ATAN'S VOICE ALSO PULLED NETEYAM OUT OF HIS COMATOSE DREAMLIKE STATE IN THE ARCHER ): like everything really is a circle for them. they are A CIRCLE FOREVER CONNECTED FOR INFNITY

“Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths, can you do that for me? I need you to give me a sign you can hear me, Atan (light). Please, please.”

THE FIRST ATAN OF MANY??? THE FIRST CHARACTER NAME WE GET FOR Y/N????? not about illicit affairs but MiM...but im really glad Y/N has Vi as her nickname now like after atan and vol, it just didn't seem right that MiM y/n didn't have a name?? what else were we gonna refer to her as? SHE NEEDED A NICKNAME ATAN, VOL, AND VI ARE THE HOLY TRINITY. makes me wonder if y/n in false god will have an iconic nickname 😝

Your new body fit into his like the final piece of the puzzle you were both trying to solve all your lives. 

GGODAMN IT THIS IS TOO GOOD.

He was bawling now, bringing his knees to his chest and settling his head on them. “I feel like my being in her life will kill her.”

OOOF THIS PART!!! This scene is one of the best in illicit affairs because it gives great insight in why neteyam and atan's relationship is so straight. He's very noble in his reasoning and i think its logical. If atan is constantly hurt when he's around, he must be the issue right? WRONG!!!!! like seriously why did he think leaving was the best choice 😭 but also to know he loves her so much he is willing to leave her at the small chance of making her life easier (except it didn't) is so !!!!! (no words--sorry its 1 am). ITS LITERALLY JUST UNFORTUNATE COINCIDENCES AHHHHHHHHHH. i picture neteyam sobbing and heaving and it makes me so sad pls i want to hold him forever and reassure him that NO DO NOT LEAVE ATAN PLEASEEEEEE

“Your dad and I have not said anything until now, because we know. We’ve always known how you felt for her. And we wish that she could have been Na’vi, that this could happen for you, son, but maybe this is a sign from Eywa to look towards the future, to start finding your true mate, one who will not make you feel like this when you are around her. Love is not supposed to hurt, my son.”

OUCH because I actually feel very offended that Neytiri would even suggest that Neteyam's love for Atan is hurting him. Like yes, it is hurting him. But not in a way that's toxic and harmful. I think he just loves Atan so much that it is overwhelming and powerful which would cause him to be emotional and feel everything at a heightened level. Not because its Eywa's sign that his and Atan's love is not good ): ALSO LMFAO AT THE DIFFERENCE IN TPYINH FROM THIS NOTE COMPARED TO THE LAST....you can tell i feel serious when i start using formal punctuation and grammar HAHAAH

You couldn’t take another dream, another anything, so, popping two Xanax pills, you crashed your head into the pillow and hoped for a peaceful blackout. 

This may be controverisal...but i love Atan's drug addiction? NOT because I'm romanticizing it but I think its a very accurate portrayal of what depression can do you and i think it added a level of intensity that you don't see often in literature and fanfics. Like...how many times does the female main character have a drug addiction? I really enjoy the intensity of it because it adds a layer of rawness (I'm sorry I use this word a lot but i think its very applicable to your writing) and depth that i like to see in female characters. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE PRISTINE AND PERFECT AND GRACEFUL like yes we suffer too and sometimes that suffering manifest in less than pretty ways

“Ow, ow, ow!! Kiri, stop that! They were next to my sleeping bag, don’t leave your shit everywhere if you don’t want people to step on it.” 

“NOT PEOPLE, LO’AK. YOU! IT’S ALWAYS YOU!”

HAHAHAH I LOVE THIS ITS SO FUNNY. BEST BROTHER SISTER DUO GOES TO LOAK AND KIRI

You saw it in yourself and your day to day struggle to empty your cup, your mind always looking for meaning, and answers, and ways to fix and analyse and quantify. Always requiring proof, never being able to just be and watch and observe things and beings for what they are, not what they could be.

This is very profound and fitting for human nature. We need to THINK less and SEE more.

He was gone most evenings while you had dinner with his family, and would only come back soon before you made your way to your tent.

This small detail. SOMETHING THAT SEEMS SO inconsequential....BUT IS NOT. i didn't pay attention to this line at first, but on my second read of illicit affairs i caught onto it 😒 you think you're funny planting these small details HUH?!?!??!!?

In it, you were weak, plagued by all your insecurities and fears and nightmares, all of which came out at night.

Same 🥰

“Well, it has a camera sight on the top for better aim and targeting. It has a second grip for better firing stability and has a long barrel that allows for higher muzzler velocity. Like most weapons used by humans, it can also fire 0226-LSAR ammo, and a grande launcher can be attached to the second grip.”

BABY IM SO SORRY I HAVE TO ADMIT THIS BUT...my brain did not process this at all when i first read this. i was like okay cool, BUT THEN YOU SAID YOU DID THE MOST RESEARCH ON GUNS AND I FELT SO BAD FOR NOT APPRECIATING IT. LIKE IT JUST ADDS SO MUCH MORE TO THE STORY AND IM FOREVER IN AWE OF HOW DEDICATED YOU ARE TO WRITING AND YOUR LORE? it didn't compute in my brain that you actually had to research this like ofc you didn't know this info out of your ass?

Jake has tried to be your dad for a long time and you just couldn’t bring yourself to allow that kind of love in your life anymore, not after knowing what it’s like to lose it. 

LET HIM IN YOU BIG DUMBO!!!!!! the truth is, you can crave something so bad (love) while simultaneously driving it away and that's exactly what atan is doing ): ... again same girl same 🥰 i also run away from what i want most bc of my insecurities 🥰

Pushing the knife against his throat, you applied pressure and made a cut. The boy tried his best to recoil, but the men did a better job at keeping him down than you thought they would. You took the knife and placed it on the ground, then took the syringe Lo’ak gave you and hollowed it out.

THIS PART TOO? LIKE YOU HAD TO RESEACH IT AND I WAS LIKE OH OKAY SHE JUST AUTOMATICALLY KNEW HOW TO DESCRIBE A TRACHEOSTOMY?? THATS A LOT OF RESEARCH FOR ONE CHAPTER. just know i appreciate it now!!!!!!

You were an angel. There was so much hurt and darkness in you, but somehow you managed to spread light everywhere you went. No matter how hard life got, you never lost the desire to do good, to be good, and Neteyam didn’t think he could love you any more than he did right at that second. 

WAHHHHH IM GONNA CRY ): NETEYAM ALWAYS THINKS THE SWEETEST MOST ENDEARING THINGS ABOUT ATAN. THAT IS A MAN IN LOVE!!! atan...light...angel...spread light. i aspire to be like atan and i hope i can radiate light like her even tho im struggling mentally AHAHAHA ):

“It was supposed to be done for your birthday, but it took me a lot longer than I thought carving the wood.” 

this is so cute but also the thought of a na'vi sized guitar is hilarious. that shit is a weapon. LITTLE SONGBIRD ATAN ❣️

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

We never painted by the numbers, baby

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

GIRL FUCK YOU 😭😭 TIOEFJWIGSNINONHJOGOB S I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS????? I LITERALLY DONT REMEBER THE 1 BEING IN ILLICIT AFFAIRS. IM SOBBING BECAUSE I CAN ONLY ASSOCIATE THIS SONG WITH NETEYAM AND VOL NOW GHIHOIBA IM AHHHHHHHHHH it does fit very well in this scene. THE 1 GIVES ME SUCH A GUT REACTION I CANT ITS LIKE A TRIGGER BUT ALSO I LOVE IT SM WHYNWOULD YOU DO THIS ?

You didn’t realise you forgot to put a mask on in your distracted state, and with the hood prepped and ready to go, you removed the blood from the fridge where you kept it while everything you ready and made your way to your work station.

OOP- 😈

this was actually super longjfongnbaIG OKAY ITS ALMOST 2 AM SO IM DEFINITELY GOING TO SLEEP BUT I LOVE THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE ITS THE CATALYST FOR ALL THE SHIT THATS ABOUT TO GO DOWN AND I LIVE FOR THE CHAOS AND ANGST AHHHHHHHH

Illicit Affairs | Chapter V: All Too Well

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: Neteyam's life changed when you came into his life the first time, and is now bound to change again, in ways neither of you could have ever predicted.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, descriptions of ptsd flashbacks, cursing, blood, descriptions of surgical procedures, some fluff.

Word Count: 9k words (wow)

A/N: Chapter 5 is coming out a little earlier than expected because I am too excited to wait. We finally get to discover a little more about what Neteyam's gone through and his decision to leave, so super chuffed about that. I am working really hard trying to balance writing for this and being a PhD student, but I am happy with the progress I am making and hope to be done with Chapter 6 in a couple days' time. Things are quickly unfolding, and there is a looot happening in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy <3 I'd love to hear your thoughts x

From when your Brooklyn broke my skin and bones I'm a soldier who's returning half her weight And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did this love affair maim you too?

“Fuck, fuck fuck!” Neteyam ran faster than he knew he could and kneeled next to you. He was panting in heart-stopping fear, watching your shaking form and hearing your pained wails that were opening out so many holes in his chest, the pain was unbearable. He forced himself to try and remember what to do; this wasn’t your first flashback, this wasn’t the first flashback he’s had to walk you through. One, do not touch the person experiencing a PTSD flashback. Done. Two?

“Y/N. It’s me, it’s Neteyam, listen to me. You are with me in the the forest a couple clicks North-west of the village. It’s just you and me, there’s nothing happening to you right now. You’re safe. It’s just you and me.”

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me. 

Everything hurt. You just wanted it over, you wanted everything to be over. You couldn’t hear or see anything around you, except yourself in a past you’d do anything to forget about. 

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me. 

“It’s me. Hey, it’s me. You’re ok. We’re ok. You are with me now, you’re safe. Please come back.”

You’d recognise this voice anywhere, for the rest of your life, this voice was going to be able to pull you out of the deepest shadows and into the light. You opened your eyes and willed them to focus past the tears, past the blood you could feel on your hands and feet and focus on the blue form talking to you.

“Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths, can you do that for me? I need you to give me a sign you can hear me, Atan (light). Please, please.”

You tried your best to do as you were told. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Remembering his request, you nodded almost imperceptibly.

“I’m here. You’re safe. Please come back. It’s just you and me.” 

Just you and me. Just you and me. Just you and me. 

Neteyam… 

You slowly moved your hands, searching, desperately needing the feel of his warmth on you. He knew, he always knew. Without the smallest hesitation, he grabbed both of your hands in his. You looked at him, finally able to see in front of you, see what was real. He was real. Your tears fell freely down your cheeks, and without a second thought, you removed your hands from his and felt your arms reach out for him, for all of him. You hugged him tightly and sighed a breath of relief when he closed whatever space was left between you and held you close. Your new body fit into his like the final piece of the puzzle you were both trying to solve all your lives. 

You didn’t say a word. The world was moving on around you, but not you. You and Neteyam stood there, in the little corner of Pandora that suddenly felt a lot like a safe haven in the storm. 

“You’re ok to get up?” 

“Yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want me to carry you back?”

“No, thank you. I can walk.”

It was too late to continue training and you silently made your way back to the village. You felt embarrassed, and so you walked with your head down the whole way back. You knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about, there was nothing to be ashamed of, and yet, going back on your first day in this new body, having been given a second chance at a new life, you were disappointed that your nightmares didn’t seem to care which version of you they had to go through to resurface. 

“Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine, Neteyam. I’m sorry you had to see that. I’m sorry you always seem to be around when these things happen.” 

If only you knew how sorry he was that he was always around when these things happen.

He couldn’t be sure, but he can guess what triggered your flashbacks. He couldn’t lie and say that day didn’t haunt his dreams, too.

Neteyam made his way back to the village that evening shaking and in tears, and wanted nothing more to take his Ikran far away to a place no one would be able to find him. But alas, he took his bow from the stand in the family tent and slipped out unnoticed while everyone else was having a communal dinner by the bonfire. He walked furiously, still shaking, still crying, until he reached the training grounds he used to go to every day when he was younger. He saw broken arrows on the ground next to some of the targets and felt it was fitting for how he was feeling. Broken, like no amount of care could ever bring him back to the arrow he was currently holding in his hands. He made quick work of the targets he could easily spot, then worked his way through the harder ones until his body ached and his fingers bled from all the now-opened scabs. 

“Ma ‘itan (my son).” He heard a voice break through the shadows of the now fluorescent flora surrounding him. He saw his mum’s steps before he actually saw her, and turned his back to her before she could see him, truly see him.

Neytiri approached him slowly and gently took the bow from his hands. She placed it around her body and placed her arms on her son, one on his back and one on his chest, above his heart. 

“What is the matter, son?” 

“Nothing, mother. I will come home soon, I promise.” 

She reached over and wiped away her son’s tears with her thumb. 

“Please, tell me what happened.” 

Neteyam couldn’t hide anymore when a small guttural cry escaped his lips. His mum slowly moved him away from the practice area and sat him down on the grass, that illuminated under their weight. 

“Mum, I’m killing her.” 

He was bawling now, bringing his knees to his chest and settling his head on them. “I feel like my being in her life will kill her.”

“Y/N?” 

“Every time we are together, something happens to her that breaks her even more. She found her dad, mum. She found her dad’s skeleton racing me through the forest. I almost killed her once because I wanted to get her out and show her the forest, so I almost killed her on my Ikran.”

“Ma ‘itan…”

“She wouldn’t go outside if it wasn’t for me. I push her to go, because I hate seeing her like this, seeing her wasting away in a lab, I just want her to be better, and happy and free, like she used to be when we were kids. I push her to go, and every time it ends up making it worse.”

Neytiri waited for her son to release all the worry plaguing him. Her son kept everything inside, but if you were patient enough with him, he would let you in eventually. 

“Neteyam… you can’t blame yourself for these things. You had no way of knowing how these things would turn out. Yes, it was irresponsible to take her on the Ikran, but you were a child. You wanted to help, and she loved being on it. She told me it was the best thing she had ever done, and that she is grateful that you thought to take her with you. Your strong heart saved both of you from Toruk. I am sorry about what happened today, that must have been really hard on her, but you were just walking trough the forest together. Any other place on Pandora, and this wouldn’t have happened. This was just a horrible misfortune, but it’s not your misfortune to bear.”

Neteyam was crying so hard he felt himself running out of breath. 

“You didn’t see her, mum. I saw her, laying unconscious on the ground. I saw the blood, so much blood I didn’t even think such a small person could carry it. I thought she died. I have nightmares about that night that I will never be able to outgrow. You should have seen her today. She was shaking and screaming and clawing at her feet so hard, she won’t be able to walk for weeks. Why must everything bad in the world must happen to her, mum?”

“We don’t know what Eywa has in store, ma ‘itan. She protects the balance of life, and maybe there is a reason for all this hurt. We can only help her the best way we know how, by loving her and being there for her. We have to hope that that’s enough.” 

“I don’t think I can do that anymore, mum. I don’t think I can watch her suffer anymore. It’s killing me. I love her, mum. I love her so much and there is nothing I want more in the world than to take her hurt and make it go away.”

“Neteyam, I think sometimes it is better to realise a hard truth early than live with a comfortable reality until the cracks in your heart are too deep to ever be able to be mended. Maybe both of you just need some time apart, to grow and heal on your own. I know you love her, Neteyam. But she will never be yours. She’s not one of us, son. You will never be able to be mated. I know you love her, but she is human. So maybe some time apart will allow you to move on, and then you can be there for her, as her friend, as someone who can help her navigate this life whilst living your own.”

“Your dad and I have not said anything until now, because we know. We’ve always known how you felt for her. And we wish that she could have been Na’vi, that this could happen for you, son, but maybe this is a sign from Eywa to look towards the future, to start finding your true mate, one who will not make you feel like this when you are around her. Love is not supposed to hurt, my son.”

He looked over to the girl walking close to him, the girl who was now no longer just a human, but an Avatar, a girl who had a chance to be one of the people one day, but whose demons did not diminish over time at all, and he wondered if they ever will. 

Soon enough, the lights of the village came into view and you were not ready to have to talk to anybody, explain to anybody when there were no words to describe the pain and anguish inside your heart. You wanted sleep, a deep sleep that wouldn’t cease in the morning. 

“How about you just go to your tent for the night? You can catch up with the family tomorrow morning. I will tell them you worked really hard and since this was your first day in a new body, you just need some rest.” 

You let out a big sigh of relief, and nodded silently at Neteyam, grateful and unnerved at his uncanny ability to understand your needs almost better than you were able to understand them yourself.

“Irayo (Thank you).”

Your tent felt cold and uninviting when you entered it, but you couldn’t be bothered to think about it too hard, and, as you let yourself collapse on the mat that would qualify as a bed for the foreseeable future, you thought about all the new challenges that dawn will bring. 

“That’s right, come on back, Ace. That’s it.” 

The light was blinding you, as your eyes adjusted to your newfound environment. You groaned slightly and removed the metal cage trapping you to the linkpod. With heavy legs, you got up and stretched your body as well as you could, trying to ignore the tingling of your limbs as the blood flowed through them properly for the first time in over half a day. 

“So, how was it?” Norm was almost besides himself excited, and you knew you had to lie, because telling him it was one of the hardest, most excruciating days of your life might dampen the current mood. 

“Hard, but a lot of fun! I learnt to ride a Pa’li, and Tsaheylu is unlike anything I have ever experienced. There really is nothing like it in this body that can compare.” 

“Ah, I’m glad to hear it. Do you have plans for tomorrow?”

“I think just more of the same? I’ll start learning how to shoot a bow soon, too. I, for one, think I’ll kick ass at it.” You said, hoping your amused tone and sly comments were enthusiastic enough to be perceived as authentic. 

“I’m sure you will, Ace. You off to bed?”

“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” 

Your human face staring back at you in the mirror looked somewhat better than the muddy, cried-out one you left behind at the village, but that doesn’t mean much when both bodies shared a soul, one that looked much worse than either of them could ever reflect. 

You couldn’t take another dream, another anything, so, popping two Xanax pills, you crashed your head into the pillow and hoped for a peaceful blackout. 

The next day, you were back in your Avatar body before dawn, and made your way towards the Sully tent, dedicated to make this work. It took a while to get the mud off your body at the nearby river, but eventually you thought you looked presentable enough to go ahead with the day. You promised Lo’ak, and Jake, and Norm, and yourself, that you would make this work, or at least give it a good college try. 

“Can I come in?” You remember to speak in Na’vi, and find the family eating breakfast around the fire. 

“Lo’ak you skxawng, you stepped on the herbs I spent all of yesterday collecting.” Kiri was screaming at Lo’ak and hitting him across the arm while he was trying to defend himself as best he could from the continuous onslaught.

“Ow, ow, ow!! Kiri, stop that! They were next to my sleeping bag, don’t leave your shit everywhere if you don’t want people to step on it.” 

“NOT PEOPLE, LO’AK. YOU! IT’S ALWAYS YOU!” 

“Bro, remove your girl before she maims me.” Lo’ak directed his attention to the human boy sitting in the corner, just laughing and enjoying the show.

You couldn’t help laugh at the scene, fondly remembering all the times Lo’ak and Kiri bickered like twins - there was no doubt in your mind these two were made to be siblings. 

Neteyam, sitting in a corner in silence, sharpening his knife, glanced up at you inquisitively. You didn’t like how intimate his gaze felt and with the perspective of a new day, you knew it was a mistake to allow him so close to you yesterday, to allow yourself to touch him and hug him and pull his body close to yours like he was your life support machine. A mistake. You don’t make mistakes. 

“Maite, come, sit, eat.” Neytiri came in and pushed you closer to the fire, placing her hands on your shoulders and forcing you to sit. She gave you fruits and seeds and motioned for you to go ahead. “Tell me how yesterday went! Neteyam told us you are much better at your Pa’li training than their dad ever was.” 

“Hey, I can hear you, you know?” Jake said, taking a break from cleaning a rifle to scowl lovingly at the mother of his children. 

“Well, I can’t speak to Jake’s proficiency, but I think it went well. Great Mother, the Tsaheylu was one of the most incredible experiences of my life, I never knew it was possible for a feeling like that to exist.” 

“Wait til you bond with an Ikran.” Lo’ak interjected. “It’s fucking awesome.” 

“LANGUAGE!” Said Jake at the same time Neytiri sent a hiss in her younger son’s direction. 

You and Neteyam made your way to the archery practice area. There were many people there, most of them accompanying their young kids learning to use a bow and arrow for the first time, learning to one day be able to pull their weight for the sake of the village and their loved ones. You stared in awe at the determination these children had, how unwavering and brightly it shone. It must be nice to be sure of the life ahead of you, be sure of your purpose and your future. 

“Right. Unlike Spider, you have not had any practice with our bows, so we have to go back to basics. There are things you always have to keep in mind when you shoot an arrow, and these things will take time. In time, it will become second nature to you, but practice makes perfect - although true for anything, it is especially true in this case.”

“First, your stance.” 

He removed his bow from around his body and demonstrated. You couldn’t help stare at him, couldn’t help trace your eyes all over his body, that was now fully on display for you, and adjusted your posture to now accommodate for the heat you felt in between your thighs at the sight. Fuck. 

He smirked at you and dropped the stance. “I’m going to need you to focus. Can you do that?”

You raised an eyebrow and looked at him, an annoyed look crossing you features. “Yes, I can do that. Don’t patronise me.”

He raised his hands, as if relenting, and apologised with a small smile. 

You raised the bow you were holding in your right hand and try to mimic his posture the best you could. He circled you, analysing every aspect of your stance, his gaze pausing on some aspects more than others. 

“Your knees are too straight. You have to bend them a little.” You did as you were told, no questions asked. You trusted he knew what he was talking about more than you’d ever be able to argue him on. 

One of his legs made his way between yours and slightly tugged at one, and you hissed at the contact. “Your feet need to be aligned with your shoulders.”

“Your feet also need to be parallel to the target.” You adjusted your feet slightly, focusing on trying to assimilate everything he was saying. You were nothing if not a good student. 

“Good. Remember, good stance means good posture, means consistent good shots.” 

He was a good teacher, you noted. Calm and patient, he took his time and never talked down to you. He explained well and was attentive to details, and you couldn’t help think this is, once again, proof of Neytiri and the clan’s influence on him. Whereas his two younger siblings were chaotic and a lot more human in their demeanour and behaviour, Neteyam was quiet, focused and determined. A true leader, a true warrior. The perfect son, Lo’ak words ring in your ears. 

He circled you once more, and you noticed your arms were starting to get tired. You didn’t complain, though. You were not going to be weak - couldn’t be weak. 

He placed a hand on your back and the other on one of your shoulders, willing them back in a straight position. Your body buzzed at the contact and you had to suppress a shiver running down your spine. “Your back always has to be straight. Not hunched, but not over-arched, either.” 

He placed both his hands on your hips, and you froze into place. His figure was towering over you, you could feel him, feel his warmth radiating on your back. He kept his distance, so as to not attach himself to you, and gently pulled your hips backwards. Your breath was laboured now, you knew, and let out a silent prayer that he couldn’t hear you, couldn’t hear your heart beat that you were sure was so loud it was noticeable within a 2 click radius. 

“Your hips have to be straight, too. No bending them forwards or backwards.” 

This went on for a while, just a slow torture that you thought was never going to end, until at some point, a few hours later, he finally allowed you to shoot an arrow. The pain you felt in between your shoulder blades and arms was nearing unbearable, but still, you soldiered on. You tried to keep in mind everything he told you all at once, and with a (hopefully) correct stance, posture, grip and bow arm, it was time to work on your release. Your fingers were cramping from holding the bow so tightly in between them, and with a slight whimper, you let go. 

He followed the arrow with his eyes, all the way through the air and past the target, getting stuck on the ground somewhere beyond view. He turned his attention back to you. 

“That was not horrible. Your arm is too low.” he says while gently placing a hand on your arrow-holding arm and moving it upward, furthering the pain you felt in between your shoulder blades. He moved his hand downwards and placed it on your abdomen. You gulped, and saw the ghost of a smile on his face. “Your core is not engaged, Y/N. Take a deep breath.” He waited for you to do as you were told. “Hold like this. Txur nì'ul. Stronger.”He didn’t remove his hand, that damn hand, until he was satisfied with your form, then let go. “Again.”

You spent your days like this, training, running, discovering Pandora’s flora and fauna, not as a scientist, but as a hunter and as an apprentice, with timid curiosity and appreciation for the life in front of you. For the first time in your life, you tried to see beyond the science and really see the miracles happening around you. Neteyam told you something on one of your walks that stuck with you. 

“When you see nothing, you will see everything.”

You see more and more why scientists, why your mother or Grace, or Norm or Max, could never make it here. It wasn’t because of survival, or training, or skill. You saw it in yourself and your day to day struggle to empty your cup, your mind always looking for meaning, and answers, and ways to fix and analyse and quantify. Always requiring proof, never being able to just be and watch and observe things and beings for what they are, not what they could be. This was all so unfamiliar to you, so strange, and you wondered if you were ever going to be able to see. 

After a while, the novelty of you, your alien body and blood ceased to be news to people and you were able to now be in the village without as much attention drawn to you, although the eyes never stopped completely. Not when you were always surrounded by at least one Sully, more often than not the two Sully brothers, the heirs to the Omatikaya rule. There was chatter in the village, you knew, about whether you were ever going to make it as one of the people, and how that would impact the future of the clan. Would they want yet another former Sky Walker as an integral part of their life, as their Tsahik, perhaps? 

The whispers of the people bothered you, but not enough to do anything about it. You knew they were baseless and premature, and had no intention of entertaining them. Lo’ak was your best friend, your brother that you loved and you knew loved you, and whatever other feelings he might have, you knew were just a side effect of hormonal growing pains. Lo’ak would outgrow you in time, and you were there to support him whenever he found a love worth harbouring. Neteyam, on the other hand, was a completely different story. The resentment you felt has never diminished in time, although the ice did melt a little after your fateful first day together. You made no efforts to engage with him outside of practice and he reciprocated the effort (or lack thereof) with the same enthusiasm. He was gone most evenings while you had dinner with his family, and would only come back soon before you made your way to your tent. You didn’t hate each other, but that was about the extent of your relationship. The intensity and heat you felt every time he touched you or looked at you in a certain way has also never diminished in time, but you knew yourself and your body enough to be able to resist him, at least until nighttime, when you were a human again and had a bed to yourself. 

You spent your nights mostly by yourself in the lab, determined to not fall behind on your lab work. You found having to have two completely different approaches to life very difficult, but in time, it was like you became two different people. You don’t think they’d like each other very much. Your life was split in two, and the bodies you inhabited made it easier on you to differentiate between the two halves. Your human body was weak, progressively weaker as time went on and you forsook the time to exercise it. In it, you were weak, plagued by all your insecurities and fears and nightmares, all of which came out at night. Your Avatar body was strong, progressively stronger with every day you spent running and training in the forest. In it, you were strong. A warrior, proud and determined and eager to learn. You laughed, and danced, and made conversation and learnt how to craft your own necklaces with Kiri whenever training with Neteyam got too much. You took Lo’ak by the hands and dragged him through the forest, laughing and swinging through trees. You took to Mo’at and tried to learn the healing ways of the Tsahik, as opposed to your mother’s medical training. Life was heaven in one body and hell in the other, and you couldn't tell which one haunted you more.

“Again.” Neteyam spoke over the voices of kids practising their target practice next to them. He had to admit to himself he was impressed with your progress. He knew he shouldn’t be, you were the most impressive and stubborn person he had ever met. He used to watch you patch and suture the Avatars in the lab when you were 13. They said your stitches were the best amongst the remaining humans. He watched you go from a child to a woman who seemed to know everything there was to know about everything. He didn’t know why he didn’t realise before this was going to be the same. You were irksome. 

You shot another bullseye and turned around to face him, smiling cockily and did a curtsy, he thought it was called. He rolled his eyes, but smiled at your satisfaction. 

“You can keep me here all day, I’ll just keep doing it, if not for anything else, just to spite you.” 

“Fine, we’re done. You are dismissed.” 

You raised an eyebrow at him, in that way you always did, that way that drove him fucking crazy. Being next to you every day was driving him crazy. He didn’t know what hell he must have inflicted on a past life to warrant this. Always watching you, and knowing that stolen glances will always have to be enough. 

You started making your way back towards the village, and he followed you. It was such a stark contrast to your first day in this body. You looked confident, and happy. He wondered if it was real, if it was possible that it was indeed that easy, and being here, outside with them was enough to wash your nightmares away, to heal you. He felt a flicker of hope raising in his chest. Stop, Neteyam. What the fuck are you doing?

The village was quiet at this time of day, most people gone on hunts or rides or training. Neteyam heard his dad’s voice booming in the family tent and knew Lo’ak was in deep shit again. He sighed. Baby brother, why do you always have to make things so hard?

“Dammit, Lo’ak, we went through this for a month. A whole ass month. What is this called?” 

When you and Neteyam entered the tent, you found the two Sullys sitting on the ground, with the patriarch towering over Lo’ak with a gun in his hand. 

“I don’t know, sir.” 

“I don’t want to hear that. Do you fucking understand what we’re doing here? Do you understand the humans could be back any fucking day now? War is coming, do you understand this, boy? And you will straighten up, Lo’ak, or I swear to God you will not be allowed to ride an Ikran again for the rest of your life.” 

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.” 

Neteyam felt you wince at his dad’s words, and he knew you felt bad for his brother. He did so, too. But also understood that his dad is only trying to make sure they are ready for the time they will inevitably have to go to war. He can’t imagine the pressure on his shoulders at training his own kids to be prepared to avoid their own death and bring death upon others.

“Now, we went through this multiple times. What is this gun?”

He felt the silence bearing down on him, and then heard your voice raise above it.

“It’s a M69-AR, sir. It’s a machine-gun.” 

All eyes in the room snapped shocked to you. You shifted uncomfortably in place, but your gaze did not falter from where you were looking at Jake.

“How do you know that?”

You looked down at the ground, and hesitated before speaking again. 

“I have trained with guns I have found over time for a few years, sir. My dad and the other soldiers in the unit left manuals, training videos, ammo in the lockers. I have found it and learnt about it. I never expected to get an Avatar, but I did not want to be defenceless.”

Neteyam saw his dad and realised he can’t tell what he was thinking at the moment. A mixture of fear, confusion and awe was what he was able to spot. 

“Alright… what’s the caliber of this gun, kid?” 

“.50 caliber BAT.”

“Ok, walk me through the gun’s characteristics.”

You didn’t flinch under the scrutiny of his gaze.

“Well, it has a camera sight on the top for better aim and targeting. It has a second grip for better firing stability and has a long barrel that allows for higher muzzler velocity. Like most weapons used by humans, it can also fire 0226-LSAR ammo, and a grande launcher can be attached to the second grip.”

Lo’ak’s face dropped, and although he had better control over his emotions, Neteyam realised he was also staring at her with a similar expression plastered on his face. 

“Did you ever shoot it?”

“No, I haven’t. I only shoot a standard 8mm handgun, in the woods next to the lab whenever everyone’s preoccupied or out. But I know how to clean it, field-strip it and load it.”

“So nobody knows you’ve been training on guns for years?”

“No, Sir.” 

“I can’t describe to you how stupid and dangerous this was. I didn’t think you of all people were prone to life-threatening idiocy.” 

You felt your gaze harden under his scrutiny and the familiar feel of anger bubbling in your stomach. 

“I’m not a little girl anymore. I will not stand and watch as the humans come back and ruin everything my mother’s fought for and I will not apologise for it.”

You saw Jake stand up, straighten his back and for the first time in your life, you feared the man sitting in front of you.

“Don’t you dare bring your mother into this. Your mother wouldn’t have wanted you to put your life in danger carelessly, getting involved in things you know nothing about. She asked me to take care of you, to teach you. All you had to do was fucking ask. All you had to do is come out of that damn lab and allow us to be part of your life, the way we have wanted to be for years.” 

You felt tears pricking at your eyes and without another word, you turned on your heels and left. 

You entered your tent and closed the flap shut as well as you could, half-considering using one of the suture kits that now resided in it to sew it together so no one can open it. You fell on your sleeping mat with a huff, and took hold of one of the books you have brought to your tent in the couple months you have been here. Your gaze stopped on one of your favourite poems, and repeated the lines to yourself, like a litany needing to be uttered.

“I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted

To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty.

How free it is, you have no idea how free——

The peacefulness is so big it dazes you,

And it asks nothing, a name tag, a few trinkets.

It is what the dead close on, finally; I imagine them   

Shutting their mouths on it, like a Communion tablet.”

You stared at the page for a long time, and let your mind wander. Why would he talk to you this way?

Because he cares about you. 

You thought he would be happy, proud of you for being strong, being independent and self-sufficient. You took care of yourself, you would be able to take care of others, of the people you loved. 

But maybe he doesn’t think you should have to do this by yourself. 

Why should you be ashamed of that? Ho doesn’t understand you, never tried to see things from your perspective. 

Maybe cause you never allowed him to know you enough to be able to understand.

He’s not your dad. He has no right to talk to you this way.

He wanted to be your dad, you just always kept him at arm’s length. You’ve always kept everyone at arms length.

You wanted to slap the version of yourself talking back to you. You really are such an annoying person, sometimes. And you hate that you make sense when you didn’t want to make sense. You wanted to be mad and tell him to keep his bossing around to his own children and leave you be, but you couldn’t. Not when the annoying you was right - Jake has tried to be your dad for a long time and you just couldn’t bring yourself to allow that kind of love in your life anymore, not after knowing what it’s like to lose it. 

A scream coming from the village pulled you out of your train of thought, and you made your way outside in a hurry. 

“Help! Help!!” 

You recognised the voice; Ewoaì, one of the most talented hunters of the village, was running holding a motionless body in his arms. His young brother, you noted. 

“He can’t breathe, he stopped breathing. Please, someone help! Where is the Tsahik?” 

Jake and the Sully boys emerged from inside their tent with a concerned look on all their faces. Neteyam spoke. “The Tsahik and tsakarem are away, at the Tree of Souls. They will not make it back in time.” 

Fuck, you thought. 

“Bring him here, NOW.” You spoke over the commotion. All the people who had gathered to see what was happening turned their gazes to you. Ewoaì ran to you. “Place him on the ground.” 

“Lo’ak.” You looked at the young boy, trying to assess the situation the best you could. You heard Lo’ak make his way towards you. 

“In my tent, there is gauze and disinfectant, it has the name 2% chlorhexidine isopropanol, find it and bring it. There should also be a yellow injection that says EPIPEN on it. Bring a syringe as well, no needle. Hurry.” 

You turned your attention to the man holding his younger brother in his arms. “Remove his necklace, now.” 

You started to check for signs of what was causing his asphyxiation. You opened his mouth and looked inside the best you could for food, or anything else that could be blocking his airways. You didn’t see anything. He didn’t seem to be having an anaphylactic shock; no rash and his heartbeat seemed strong. You were going to have to figure out the cause at a later time, but for now, your best bet, his best bet, was a tracheotomy. 

Lo’ak scrambled out of your tent, almost dropping some of the things on the way. He put them next to you in a hurry. 

You removed your hands from the boy’s body and moved quickly to apply some of the antiseptic on the gauze and wipe his throat with it. You got up, removed your knife from the holder on your chest, and made your way towards the nearest fire. You placed the blade over the fire and hoped that would do enough to sterilise it. For good measure, you also wiped it with the solution currently still on the gauze.

You made your way back to the boy and lifted your gaze to his brother. 

“This is going to hurt. I don’t have the tools to put him to sleep. I need you to hold him tightly by the arms. I need you to be strong for him. Strong heart. Neteyam, hold his feet. Don’t let go.”

You took your knife with one hand, whilst your other hand, tried to find the cricothyroid membrane, hoping it would be in a similar location to a human’s. Pushing the knife against his throat, you applied pressure and made a cut. The boy tried his best to recoil, but the men did a better job at keeping him down than you thought they would. You took the knife and placed it on the ground, then took the syringe Lo’ak gave you and hollowed it out. Carefully, you placed it inside the hole you made. You lowered your body and placed your mouth on the syringe. Sucking on it, you were relieved to feel air coming out, and you started breathing into the tube until you felt the boy starting to breathe again on his own. You removed yourself from his proximity and monitored until you were sure his breathing was stabilised. 

You let out a huge sigh of relief. You finally felt like you could look Ewoaì in the eye. “He’ll be fine.” 

His brother let out a shaky breath and extended his hand in front of you. Smiling softly, you took it in your own and felt his grip tighten at the contact. 

“Thank you. You saved his life. Thank you.”

“You can take him home. I’ll come by later and check on him, and if he’s breathing right, I’ll take it out.” 

You rose from the ground and tried to get your laboured breath to slow down. You did it. Tears started pooling in your eyes and you realise your hands were shaking when you went to wipe the them before they fell. Your attention turned to the Sully men waiting by your side. They all looked like they were -

-in awe. Neteyam was in awe. You were breathtaking. He heard this English word, angel, from his dad, a long time ago, and when he asked what it meant, his dad told him it was someone pure and good, who helps others and brings comfort in times of hurt…someone whose light can illuminate the darkest times. He didn’t know what that meant until he met you. You were an angel. There was so much hurt and darkness in you, but somehow you managed to spread light everywhere you went. No matter how hard life got, you never lost the desire to do good, to be good, and Neteyam didn’t think he could love you any more than he did right at that second. 

You gave him a quick look and he could see the fear in your eyes and the unshed tears, and the trembling hands. You were scared. Before he could move a muscle, Lo’ak took you and encircled his arms around you in a bear hug. You stood there in shock for a second while it registered, then slowly brought your hands up to his back to reciprocate the hug. You closed your eyes and nuzzled your head in his neck, and Neteyam moved his gaze to his feet, feeling the now all-too-familiar darkness of jealousy spread through him like poisonous gas. 

Eventually, Lo’ak let you go, and you moved closer to Jake. You were trying to meet his eyes, but he could tell you were scared… or ashamed. He saw you take a big breath and swallow audibly. 

“Jake, I am…”

“I know, Kid.” Neteyam was surprised to see his dad’s gaze, so angry and unflinching just 30 minutes ago, soften when his eyes looked at you. It was his turn now to hug you.

“You did good, kid.” 

You let out a soft cry and he saw the tears fall freely from your face. You smiled, and for the first time since you were back in his life, saw that you looked actually content. 

“Come.” Jake released you from the hug and made his way towards his tent. You followed suit and saw him picking up a gun from the floor and pointing at another. It was a standard assault rifle and you kneeled down next to it.

“Put it back together.” You did as you were told, skilfully putting each component of the weapon in its place. Before you moved on, you made sure everything was in order, and then you picked the appropriate 6.2x35mm 80-round magazine from the mix that was on the floor. You attached the magazine and took two more of them and placed them on your person. 

“Good. Let’s go.”

You and the three Sullys walked steadily for a while. Lo’ak and Jake went ahead while you and Neteyam stood back. He was close to you, too close, and you felt his right hand almost brushing yours. You looked up at him, and saw he was already watching you. His expression instantly sent shivers down your spine - it reminded you of how he used to look at you before. It was intense and soft and loving. You saw his eyes dropping to your lips, which parted in response and felt so exposed, so vulnerable… so fucking mad. He did not get to do this. He did not get to give up on you are like were a bad drug and then come back and give you this look. 

You expression hardened and you removed your eyes from his and stared at Jake’s back, which was all of a sudden a lot more interesting than it had been 5 seconds ago. You crossed your arms over your chest and walked in silence the rest of the way. 

You reached the spot soon after, and you noticed it was a similar training area, like the archery one, but this one had targets made of shrubbery that resembled a person, which had remnants of bullet holes in them. I see…

“Ok, kid, let’s see what you can do. Shoot the target in front of you, head and chest.” 

You took a big gulp and positioned your body. This was a lot of pressure, with the eyes of Toruk Makto and his heirs staring right at you. You took one last look at the weapon, then loaded it. You aim, then shoot. The gun surprises you a little, as you find the recoil a lot stronger than the handgun you usually practice on and the fire rate unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Still, you adjust fairly quickly, then try again. Within 3 tries, you were able to hit the target exactly where Jake asked you to, and as to not waste any more ammo, you stop. 

Lo’ak is ululating and clapping, so happy for you, even though he was probably going to get in trouble for not being a better shooter than a girl who spent her whole life in a lab. He didn’t care. He loved seeing you do well, seeing you adapt. He couldn’t wait for the day you two would go on Ikran rides together and he could show you all the beauty of this world, the way you deserved.  

“I see. Neteyam, from now on, I want you both at gun practice and lessons, do you copy? She can learn everything else in the spare time, but I want her there. She’s way too good to waste on Pa’li training.”

“Yes, sir.” 

In the evening, you went by Ewoaì’s tent and checked on his younger brother. His airways were clear again so you were able to remove the syringe and stitch up the tracheotomy incision you performed earlier. You sat with them whilst inspecting the child’s condition. He wasn’t well. He had a fever and intermittent shortness-of-breath. His abdomen was in pain and he had a laceration forming on one of his calves. You made a note to bring some more supplies from the lab, and with that, took your leave. 

Dinner was pleasant, you ate with the Sullys in their tent, as you do most nights these days, and enjoyed the conversation that did not include you. It was nice to just be around their family and experiencing their tight-knit unit up close. There was laughter, and bickering, and animated discussions about what went on and what’s to come. Jake told Neytiri, Moat, Kiri and Tuk about Ewoaì and his brother, about the guns and the target practice, and they all looked at you with admiration. You blushed and thanked them, deciding the floor was particularly interesting tonight. 

“I think Y/N should sing for us! I haven’t heard her beautiful voice in such a long time!” Said Neytiri, smiling fondly

“Oh, I don’t have my guitar!”

You saw Neteyam’s eyes go wide, a rare sight for a man who prides himself on his composure. He stood up from his place around the fire pit, and went to a part of the tent that had a hidden nook in it; you’ve never seen what was there, but assumed there lay the family trinkets, Jake’s guns, clothes, etc. Neteyam came out from behind it holding… a guitar, you realised in shock. A big guitar, that would fit your new hands perfectly. Too stunned to speak, you just looked at him with your mouth agape, and he laughed at your expression. 

“This was supposed to go slightly differently, but alas, it’s as good a time as any to give this to you.” 

“It was supposed to be done for your birthday, but it took me a lot longer than I thought carving the wood.” 

Your eyes flickered between him and the guitar, and then turned to look at Kiri, who had a big smile and waited expectantly for your response.

“…you made this?”

“Well, me and Norm.” He looked almost bashful, and he reminded you so much of young Neteyam that your heart ached and you hoped you could prolong this moment forever. 

“He helped me with the design and the metal work, I had to hunt a few good animals to get the gut for the strings, but I think it turned out alright! He tried it and tuned it and it seemed to sound good, but I guess we’ll see when you play it.” 

You were still unsure what to say, unsure how to speak or form words or thoughts. 

“Neteyam, I don’t know what to say…”

“Say you’ll accept it? And that you’ll forgive me for what I said on your birthday? I really am a kurkung (asshole) sometimes, and I am sorry.” 

You nodded almost imperceptibly. His face broke out into a smile, a stupidly handsome smile that stopped your world and shifted it on its axis and you knew, you knew he was doing it, the impossible, he was getting you to forgive him, to forget the hurt and pain he put you through. And you hated yourself for being weak, but you also just allowed yourself a second, just a second to remember what it was like to have him in your life, have him radiate his warmth like he was the sun your soul orbited around.

“Will you sing now?” asked Tuk innocently, and you had to concede.

You toiled for a while with ideas of what song to pick. There was only one that came to mind in this exact moment, thinking of the man you still loved so much, loved as much as you did when you were 10 and he brought you the bracelet, at 13 when he took you on your very own magic carpet ride, at 16 when he held you while you cried in his arms after your dad, and every day in between, the man you needed like air, like that damn oxygen pack you hated, whose touch made you come alive and set your mind ablaze. 

You picked up the guitar and tuned the chords, slowly caressing them to get the sound just right. It was perfect, much better than the guitar you had at home. It was perfect. You started strumming a familiar song, that you never sang to them, to him, before, that you sang to yourself in that year apart and you wanted him to hear it, wanted him to know.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

We never painted by the numbers, baby

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

You looked at him, and sang to him. He looked sad, like it was hurting him to watch you, hear you again. You used to play just for him all the time, singing feelings you never had the guts to say out loud, and here you were again, confessing something probably better left unsaid.

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family

And it would've been sweet

If it could've been me

In my defence, I have none

For digging up the grave another time

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

You finished the song and heard clapping from all around you and knew you had to acknowledge the others eventually. With a last look at Neteyam, you turned around and smiled and did a little hand curtsy as a joke. 

It was a good night.

You made your way to your tent quite late that night and you saw Lo’ak waving at you until you entered, placing your new guitar slowly on the ground. You lay down and tried your very best to fall asleep, which you felt was impossible, considering you were still reeling after the day you had. Eventually, sleep came, and you woke up back in the linkpod, with Norm’s face coming into focus slowly.

“Hey, Ace. How was your day?”

“Eventful, to say the least. One of the kids in the village needed an emergency tracheotomy. Thank God I had some supplies in the tent, which reminds me - I need to prepare more that I will come to pick up tomorrow, or you can drop to my tent if you make your way to the village.”

“Jesus. What the hell happened?”

“I think it’s this damn virus, Norm. I monitored the kid for an hour in the evening, his airways cleared, but he still had shortness of breath, a fever, gastrointestinal symptoms, and this weird laceration on his calf. His brother’s not sick, so the virus is not transmitted through air - at least I hope not, considering I shared the air in the tent with the guy for a while.” 

“Fuck. I will go check on him tomorrow and maybe take some blood. You can run some tests if you want to and have the time.” 

“I have some blood from someone else with similar symptoms. I will run the tests tonight, can’t really sleep anyway.”

“Ok, be careful, alright? This is not a joking matter, especially to us.” 

“Aye aye, Captain.”

You changed in some clothes better suited for a night working in the lab, put on your goggles, lab coat and gloves, and got to work. You were half paying attention to prepping the laminar flow hood and half thinking of the crazy day you had, thinking of Neteyam and his smile and his apology and ugh, you hated him. 

You didn’t realise you forgot to put a mask on in your distracted state, and with the hood prepped and ready to go, you removed the blood from the fridge where you kept it while everything you ready and made your way to your work station.

In a second, everything changed. That’s all it took, a second for your whole life to completely turn upside down, yet again. It always only took a second. A second for your mum to take her last breath, a second for you to fall off an Ikran, a second to step on your dad’s remains, a second to lose the love of your life, a second to watch the vial drop and shatter all over the floor, splattering blood all over your body and on your face, in your open mouth that screamed in shock at the instant loss of a future. 

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi

[ladyshannon1610]

Can PB just chill with the terrible attempt at a grumpy x sunshine, mild p*** in their stories because its getting to the point where stories are no longer appealing, every chapter is a drag to get through and the behaviour from the LI as well as the MC (sometimes) is terrible. I remember playing choices at school and running to the app every chance I got to play these incredible books (example the crown and the flame, most wanted, the freshman, rules of engagement, desire and decouram, the Royal romance) and now opening the app is taking all of my energy especially because I play to earn diamonds so I can play the very few interesting stories available. I recently played a chapter of surrender and the male li leads on the MC, who is supposed to be his client, into some sort of sub-dom relationship. The MC is immediately attracted to him and starts imagining all these sexual things, which is so overdone. It leads to her begging him to teach her about being a sub which is so random and inappropriate because he is supposed to be her lawyer for her divorce. It's similar to the plot of TNA where a young woman is supposed to fulfill a role as her boss's nanny but ends up cheating with him on his fiancee and just crosses boundaries. I saw another person comment that they should face real life consequences, even though that in itself might not solve this plot. Anyways I played my most recent chapter of surrender and in this part the lawyer rewards the MC with a sub-dom party and he made it clear he is only teaching the MC about the subject but he can't hold back his fantasies and sometimes sends unfair mixed signals. The MC is seemingly confusing this as a typical love relationship because she worries when he will text, is worried about upsetting him and is always very invasive with her questions (which are more to do with him than about the sub-dom culture). So during this party they have an arguement when the LI sends her mixed signals again and after finally confronting him the unthinkable happens. THIS MAN PASSES HER TO HIS FRIEND!!!!!! His friend appears during the arguement and the LI is like me and you are done this guy is gonna be your new dom like what the hellllll!!!!

[beyondspaceandstars]

Hey!

Feel free to ignore this if this isn’t appealing to you, but honestly I’m simping over Carol Denvers and could really go for some steamy fluff with her x reader.

Maybe just a dinner date gone dirty talk? Do whatever you want with this! :) Have a great day.

Completely Yours

Relationship: Carol Danvers x Reader

Warnings: Steamy, but not smutty

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: amazingly, I actually already had a piece I wrote last year that kind of falls into these suggestions! i tweaked the ending a bit from my original writing to hopefully make it more on the steamy side. and there's an element of jealousy/protective Carol. So, I hope this works okay! I immediately thought of it after reading your request :) Also I absolutely love Carol, one of my favorite MCU characters <3 I have a few pieces already written for her but only published on ao3 (and a previous writing blog)

Masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You stared at your lipstick collection, completely baffled by the choices. Was the red lip too bold for your lacy black dress? But was the pink lip too simple? Maybe the dress was the problem…

"Stop it," you mumbled to yourself and grabbed the wine red lipstick. You were nearly humored with your brain’s antics. There shouldn’t be anything to overthink given the fact you’ve been on countless dates with Carol. Heck, you don’t even remember being this nervous for your very first date, but, perhaps, the fact this was an anniversary date was maybe getting to you a bit.

You two were two years into the relationship but you still wanted to give it your all especially on such an occasion. You both had been so busy with one thing or another for your first anniversary so there was a lingering duty to make it up — and that’s exactly why the glam had to be perfect, no matter how many times Carol insisted you were gorgeous without it.

A knock came from the bathroom door as you were finishing with the lipstick.

"Babe," Carol called out. "Almost ready?"

You gave your hair a quick glance over and exited the bathroom. You were greeted by your stunning girlfriend all dolled up and looking as lovely as ever.

"All good," you smiled, shamelessly eyeing her.

She gave a knowing smirk, "You look so beautiful."

"Maybe we both clean up well," you teased, shrugging.

Your girlfriend just rolled her eyes at your antics and motioned towards the front door. You grabbed your purse and started heading ahead of Carol. But being the cheeky girlfriend she is, she couldn’t let you get far without giving a teasing tap on your behind. Now it was your turn to shoot her the eye roll which she just laughed away, following you out the door.

***

The restaurant was a busy scene tonight and upon noticing the patrons and their seemingly wandering eyes, Carol was on you in full protective mode. This could’ve been expected no matter where you two had gone and you’ve had to come to terms with that. Carol was quite the protective type and typically you adored it but honestly, it wasn’t necessary in your eyes. There wasn’t a thing — or person — in the world that could whisk you away from your love.

Choosing to ignore her change in demeanor, you pushed through the crowd to the hostess table.

"Thank gosh we made reservations," you said as the hostess left to check on the table.

But your girlfriend didn’t quite hear you. She gave a hum in response while fixated on something at the bar in the corner of the restaurant. You tried figuring out what held her attention but couldn’t pick anything out. Maybe she thought she saw someone she knew? But you dismissed it as you saw the hostess motioning you to follow her to your reserved table.

The two of you settled in and started flipping through the menu. Carol seemed to be occupied by the food selection, which gave you some sense of relief. Fingers crossed whatever had her captivated before had vanished. At one point she even grabbed your hand for a bit, running her thumb on the back of it lovingly as you two browsed.

It wasn’t until the waiter came by for the drink order that you realized she had her guards up the entire time.

"What can I get you two to drink?" The waiter asked.

"Glass of Pinot Grigio for me," you said, turning back to the food items.

When you didn’t hear Carol’s lovely voice responding with her drink order, you glanced up to find her still staring behind you.

"Um, could you give us a second?" You asked the waiter. They just gave a polite smile and headed towards the kitchen.

You sighed, slamming your menu on the table. That got your girlfriend’s attention.

"Carol, what is going on? Is there a galactic threat behind me or something?"

"Honey, no," Carol sighed. "It’s just… This guy at the bar keeps looking at you."

Your jaw dropped. "That’s what this is about? You’re gonna be distracted our entire anniversary dinner because you think some guy is looking at me?"

Carol’s once rigid expression quickly turned soft at your tone. She grabbed your hand across the table, trying to soothe your rising anger. Shaking her head, she said, "No, babe, that’s ridiculous of me."

You put your other hand on hers, nodding. "It is ridiculous. There is nothing worth ruining this night over, okay? You’ve got me, baby, I’m not going anywhere."

"Forever?" She smirked.

"Forever," you mumbled as you leaned across the table to give her a kiss which she happily leaned into.

***

The dinner went very well after Carol calmed down. Drinks helping to ease any worry. You two flirted and giggled as if it was the first all over again and, boy, did it feel magical. Pasta was eaten, wine was sipped… and even kisses were stolen like lovestruck school girls. The man at the bar had been completely forgotten by both of you.

After you two finished your dessert (with a side of Carol’s cheeky comments about dessert after the dessert), you had to run to the restroom. Carol nodded and said she’d wait for you at the front of the restaurant.

With a quick kiss, you departed from the table. In the restroom, you did some make-up retouch up. The night was just heating up in your eyes and you still wanted to look like an absolute dream for your woman — not to mention you were quite antsy from the constant teasing.

After a quick powder and recollecting your items, you reemerged from the restroom. You were fumbling for your phone in your purse, making your way to the restaurant exit, when you slammed into something hard.

A bit dazed, you look up expecting a sudden wall or pole, but instead you were met by some handsome, well-dressed man uncomfortably close. He was smirking down at you, making your cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Sorry, sir. I wasn’t looking where I was going." You said, giving your fakest, most polite smile.

Apparently, it worked too well because the man’s smirk turned into a smile with his eyes curiously watching you.

"Trust me, sweetheart, it’s all good."

The pet name made your stomach turn, red flags waving. You let out a breathy laugh and tried stepping around him, but he blocked your attempt.

"Sir, I have someone waiting-,"

"Oh, the girl you were with?" He asked. You gulped realizing this wasn’t any man, this was the man Carol had been nervous about. You really didn’t think there was any man staring at you and that it was just Carol's paranoia kicking in. But no, your girlfriend had been rightfully cautious and you were kicking yourself for being doubtful.

"Sir, really-,"

"I think your friend wouldn’t mind waiting," he said, not only cutting you off but blocking you again with his broad body, his hand coming near your side as if trapping you.

"She’s my girlfriend," you snapped back, blood boiling at his game. "So, I’m not interested."

"Oh, a girlfriend! That could make this a lot more interesting-"

"Hey!" A voice boomed from the dining room entrance. All heads turned towards your clearly pissed-off girlfriend, heels hot marching towards you. She was steaming — well, maybe nearly glowing — with anger. "Get away from her."

"Ah, it’s the girlfriend-,"

"You’re damn right it’s the girlfriend," Carol snapped, eyeing him quite intensely. You knew there wasn’t much stopping her from taking him down this second. "And now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take my girl home."

She didn’t even let him get in another syllable before grabbing your hand and leading you to the exit. Patrons eyes were still focused on the rampage occurring but you were way too focused on your girlfriend. You weren’t sure you had ever personally witnessed this side of her. Sure, you two had arguments before, but this was… A lot. She was scared, angry, frustrated… A bottle waiting to explode.

When you two made it back to the car, you went to console Carol but she never gave you a chance. Within seconds you were pressed against the passenger side door, her lips hot and ferocious against yours. She moved with such anger, such passion, you almost let yourself get lost in it but you knew it wouldn’t solve anything like talking would.

"Honey," you gasped for air, pushing Carol gently off of you. You cupped her face with shaking hands. "Hey, I’m sorry."

"No, it’s just…" She pulled away, arms flailing in defeat. "I knew it! I knew that asshole would… God! Why do you have to be so beautiful?"

You sighed, your gaze drifting to your hands, picking at your nude nail polish. "I really didn’t think there was anyone looking at me."

"You innocent, gorgeous woman," Carol chuckled in disbelief. "I feel like I’m always shooing men away from you."

"It shouldn’t matter," you said, grabbing your girlfriend’s nervous hands. "I’m yours, honey. I am yours."

Carol hummed in appreciation and moved closer to you. "Mine?"

You nodded, watching her go from frazzled to lusting. She closed the gap, nearly towering over you as you leaned against the car. Her sweet, strong face was barely illuminated by the streetlights but you saw the love come back to her eyes.

"Really mine?" She asked again as she effortlessly dipped her head and started kissing up your neck. Her hand began making its way down your side, past your hips, where it began caressing the inside of your thigh.

"Yes, Carol, yes!" You giggled, squirming under her actions.

Her kisses made their way up to your face. She whispered so lovingly in your ear, "Maybe, we should get home, then, and you could show me." She paused. "Because I'm definitely itching to show you just how much you mean to me, baby. You wouldn't believe the ideas running through my head."

Briefly, her fingers lingered over your clothed core. You sighed.

"Maybe we should just find somewhere private around here?" you whispered back, motioning towards the backseat door. "I don’t know if I can wait."

And that was very much true. You could already feel yourself soaking through the material of your panties.

"You little minx," your girlfriend laughed, placing a needy kiss on your lips, her thigh subtly grinding into you. "You’re going to kill me one day."

You moaned, pressing yourself against her, your body burning with need. "Not if you kill me first."

[fangirlovestuff]

Going Public - Chris Evans x reader

a/n - hey lovely people!!! i’m sorry for the lack of updates on here, i’ve just been occupied with life lately and haven’t been able to write properly in a while. but here’s this headcanon idea i just had to write:) i missed writing so much, but i can’t say i’m gonna go back to updating frequently yet, so i hope you enjoy this<3 

Summary: you and chris were keeping your relationship private, and when you finally decide to go public there’s a particular post that catches your eye... (it’s scott’s, and he’s a goofball).

Warnings: none:)) it’s just a really fluffy fic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

when chris asked you out, you were ecstatic

but, you did have one request

no publicity

you were a normal girl, and you wanted a normal life, no paparazzi harassing you or jealous women talking shit about you on the internet

and chris had absolutely no problem with that

in fact, he was happy you asked him to try and keep it quiet, since he's such a private person as well

and surprisingly enough, it worked really well

you rarely went on fancy dates, and if you did chris would call ahead and ask they respect your privacy

sure, you couldn't go to bars, or festivals, or shows, and you did feel like you were missing out sometimes

but not really

you and chris were both more introverted, homebodies, and you were both extremely content with just staying at home, or going to the occasional escape room double date with scott and his boyfriend

(you all got progressively more and more competitive with each one, trying to solve them in less and less time, but it was really fun)

it worked so well and for so long, you and chris had just sunken into that comfort zone so much and you were now getting married, without the world knowing

the option of going public with your relationship didn't even come up when you got engaged

chris was happy with it, because he got to keep you all to himself, but mostly because he knew how much you didn't want to go public and how happy you were being a part of his life without the craziness of hollywood

but now, when you were coming back home from your honeymoon, you couldn't help but wonder if that was the right thing to do

sure, you didn't want your potential kids growing up in the limelight

but you also didn't want them to miss out on stuff because of you

plus, you were ready, have been for a while

it couldn't be something you maintained forever, that just wasn't realistic, and that fact that no one found out in the last 3 years was pretty much a miracle

and when you talked about it with chris, he agreed

so, the next week, you both posted the same picture to your social media, tagging each other

it was a beautiful picture from your wedding, slow dancing and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes

it was cheesy, but you both loved it 

your accounts were still private, and you were keeping it that way, but chris' fans would know

and so will the rest of the world

chris squeezed your hand reassuringly, and you pressed the post button in unison

you had the urge to throw your phone across the room so you wouldn't see it again, but you took a deep breath, shut it down, and put it away on the table

chris pulled you into a tight hug

"i can't believe we finally did it," you chuckled into his chest as his arms pulled you impossibly closer

"i can't believe i'm gonna have to share my beautiful wife with the rest of the world from now on," you could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke softly

indeed, as you lifted your head to meet his gaze, a soft smile was drawn across his face

you leaned your chin on his chest and looked up at him

"i love you," you said.

"i love you too," he pressed a soft kiss onto your lips, "now do you wanna watch a movie?"

you both didn't look at your phones until the next day

you received hundreds of messages from colleagues, acquaintances who didn't know you well enough and had just found out

you replied to some, and then logged onto instagram

you felt like a kid watching a scary movie, covering their eyes with their hands but leaving room between their fingers to see it anyways

the first thing you saw was chris' post

he posted it with the caption "my everything" and a blue heart

you couldn't resist the temptation and scrolled through some of the comments, and to your relief most of them were supportive or surprised

"cHRISTOPHER WHAT THE FUCK"

"jahfbsapf😭"

"how the hell did he get a wife,,, what"

"okay but he literally married a disney princess LOOK AT HER"

"she's living the dream omg"

you chuckled at the last two

at that moment, chris came up behind you, nuzzling his face into your neck

"good morning," your smiled, turning your head to peck his lips

"morning," he smiled. "have you seen scott's one yet?"

"oh, did he comment? i didn't-"

"oh no, he made a whole post," he chuckled.

you shook your head and opened your phone again, looking up scott's instagram, and sure enough there was a new post

"since these dorks are done being stealthy, i figured i'd share some of my favorite pics of my favorite sister-in-law and my brother whom she so magnificently tamed😜. i love you guys, congrats💖"

you giggled as you read the caption, and only then your eyes lifted to the first photo

it was of you and chris in a halloween party, wearing, how could you not, a disney couples costume

chris was looking at you with a smile, his cheeks slightly tinted, probably from the beers he had that night, while your head was thrown back in laughter

you remembered that night, mostly because of the ridiculous amount of candy you and chris devoured and it made you feel bad until the next morning (still worth it though), but you didn't remember that this picture existed  

the next one was a selfie you, chris, and dodger had sent them one afternoon, just because it was so darn cute

dodger was licking your cheek, and you and chris were both laughing

the next was another pic you didn't know he had taken, of the both of you when you were all at a picnic

you were leaning back against chris' chest, and he was pointing at something outside of the picture, gentle smiles on your faces

the next was one of the both of you at your wedding, but it wasn't the nice one of you and chris slow dancing

because scott clearly couldn't leave it at that

it was a picture from later that night, as was seen by your hair, which was more tousled, and it was a picture of you raising your hand high and twirling chris around, clearly laughing

the last one was a picture that was taken in lisa's house, where you were both sitting on the couch

one of chris' hands was on the back, holding you, and the other was on his chest, his face thrown back on laughter

it was the look in your eyes though, that made a grin spring onto your face

because you looked exactly how you felt

so completely in love with this puppy of a man

you felt chris smile behind you

"awww, look at your face," he said, "you like meee," he drawled teasingly

"well, i did marry you," you shrugged, feigning indifference.

he kissed your nose, "i like you too."

"gross," you scrunched your nose at him before you both erupted into laughter

and you at that moment, you truly knew you did the right choice

because everything was okay, and you knew as long as you had chris by your side, it's always going to be

he's the person who made you feel safe, loved

and that was never going to change, no matter what

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

tell me your thoughts!! till next time lovelies<3

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline @procrastinatingsapphictrash

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3