#that's right. our boy is HERE. and he gets in a situation. sorry Kravitz

[lesbijkas]

Chapter 3 of Together (Dead) Fake it Till You Make it

OR: Taakitz meet-cute gone wrong, gone sexual? (NO TENTACLES!!)

[noodyl-blasstal]

Ugh there's too many options from the prompt list that I want to choose!! D:

Okay, how about 10 with... Taako and Lucretia?

“I’m actually not into art at all, me and my friends just started going to art exhibitions as an excuse to dress fancy and eat our weight in cheese cubes but. I'm staring at this piece and feeling something stir in my cold dark soul and I could have played it off as an ironic joke if you didn’t catch me having emotions about your art”

Prompt from @juicywritinghoard Prompts for Fun and Profit which can be found by clicking here.  (Still taking requests if you have them!)

Look, when I tell you I had so much fun writing this, I truly mean it. Thank you so much for the request!

______________

Lucretia whooped as Magnus ran down the street. It wasn’t often that she was willing to let him piggyback her, but her feet were already sore from her ridiculous fancy shoes and they hadn’t even convened for Cheese Heist 5: A Good Day to Eat Cheese yet. Dav and Kravitz had texted to say they were nearly there so they definitely needed to pick up the pace.

“On Magnus, on!” Lucretia shouted, glancing at her map app. This was a well practiced system, shoulder taps kept him on track. He jogged faster and guwaffed, loud and happy. Lucretia would never get over how much joy he took from lugging people about.

As they approached the venue for tonight’s art show, Lucretia tapped Magnus on the head to slow him to a stop. She dropped as gracefully as possible to the floor.

“Okay, fancy bitches disguise time. Want me to do your tie?” Lucretia fussed with her skirt until it hung properly, and reached up to make sure Magnus could pass muster too. He grumbled, but even agreed to keep his jacket on for the first thirty minutes. That was about the best they could hope for, cheese was a great motivator.

Once he had tucked his tie Magnus offered his arm to her. “M’lady.”

“Magnus!” Lucretia glared hard.

“I’m sorry, it was funny in my head.” He shrugged, and Lucretia rolled her eyes, taking his elbow, and turning the final corner to the McElroy Institute. She fought the impulse to wave too uproariously at the fellow heisters, instead nodding her head as they approached.

“Captain Davenport, The Right Honourable Kravitz, so wonderful to see you both!” Lucretia gave a tight smile - her best impression of the ones she’d witnessed all too often since they started attending these events.

“Flavia! How have you been? So splendid to see you here!” Kravitz was inexplicably English tonight and Lucretia couldn’t control the loud snort she emitted on hearing his accent.

“Wait, hold up, what’s my thing?” Asked Magnus in a low voice. “Dav gets to be a pilot, Krav’s apparently British now, Lucretia you’ve got your whole sommelier situation, I want a thing!”

“You’ve just got to let it happen Magnus, it’ll come to you in time, don’t rush it.” Davenport sounded so earnest that Lucretia couldn’t help another tiny snort. She loved these dinguses.

The four of them swept into the gallery as a unit. With each heist they become more comfortable. The heists had started because Kravitz and Davenport's complaints about not getting to wear their fancy boy suits enough had coincided with an advert for an art gallery opening. Art stuff with fancy people? They could go wild. Once he understood the cheese aspect, Magnus was sold too. He had one suit and a variety of sleeveless shirts, but a quick mission to the charity shop left him with a serviceable outfit. Lucretia hadn’t been excited about the fancy duds, she had plenty of those for work, and trying to keep those things steamed was a pain, but it was a treat to be 'off duty'. The sommelier bit had stemmed from annoyance initially - a man wouldn’t shut up about his extensive knowledge of wine, so she decided to just make up any old bullshit and see if he noticed. Before long, he was talking about how he could definitely also taste leather, and swilling his wine so aggressively that he spilled it on himself because she told him he needed to really shake it to release the tannins. The bit was too good to immediately retire, so from then on Lucretia was Flavia Arbuckle: Sommelier Extraordinaire.

“Okay, it’s nearly go time…” She kept her voice low and glanced around quickly. Satisfied that the coast was clear, “…hands in!”

They all quickly placed their hands together and chanted the obligatory: “3, 2, 1, cheese heist!”

Tonight had the feeling of a good one. Cheese Heist 2: Cheese Harder had taught them that the type of exhibition they chose was important. Minimal speeches, a large and varied guest list, and a location far enough away that they were unlikely to run into too many people they knew were key. The main skill was working the crowd just enough that they weren’t constantly by the buffet while remaining close enough to notice whenever the most choice snacks were refreshed. Magnus started bringing the bags for Cheese Heist 3: Cheese Heist with a Vengeance, they’d managed to grab enough between them that it kept them in cheese for another two weeks. The McElroy institute was the fanciest place they’d hit so far, but they were professionals and a fancy place meant fancy food. In fact, the poster had specifically talked about the buffet and tickets were free, so they hadn't thought twice.

Lucretia gave the boys one last smile and disappeared into the crowd, already searching for the buffet table. She didn’t have to look for long - the table acted as a centrepiece standing in the middle of the atrium and spanning a large chunk of the wide hall. At first she hesitated, the charcuterie displayed so beautifully that she was worried it was one of the installations, but other guests were already digging in without reverence so she sidled closer to check out her marks. There was a vintage cheddar she could see the salt crystals in, manchego, burrata, butterkäse, and a soft looking goat’s cheese too! So far, so good. This was much better than the usual cubes, and there were accompaniments too. She scanned over the various crackers, cashews, grapes, apple slices, pomegranate, and gods honest fresh honeycomb. Dav was going to be pleased, they’d hit the jackpot tonight.

First plate filled, she cast her eyes around the atrium, no longer laser focused on the buffet. The table was the centrepiece, but various art instalments branched off from the main open space. The art would probably be as un-relatable as usual, but it didn't look like anyone else had branched off yet, so at least she could eat in private. Picking a random installation she strode forward, only to be scuppered by a hand grabbing her elbow and rudely spinning her round.

“Flavia! So nice to see you here!” The man said. Lucretia fought the impulse to tell him off for grabbing her, she couldn’t afford to draw attention to herself right now.

“Jenkins.” She forced her mouth to twitch up at the corner, that was about the closest to a smile he was getting.

“Did you enjoy the wine I recommended?” She asked, genuinely intrigued to see if he’d bothered to look for the Big Red Pecker she’d invented two Cheese Heists ago.

“Oh yes!” He replied without missing a beat. “You really could taste the rhubarb and smoke, just like you said. It was such an evocative pairing.” Jenkins nodded. Lucretia barely resisted the impulse to laugh.

“I’m so glad you liked it. Not many people can handle the texture.” She wondered exactly how far she could push him.

“Well, I could see how it would be challenging for some people, but I have a very advanced palette.” Jenkins looked insufferably smug. “I was actually going to ask if you’d like to share a bottle with me some…” He began.

“Oh no, I see my friend waving for me, I’m so sorry, I must go!” Lucretia interrupted, then walked quickly away before Jenkins could reply. She beelined towards a large group, passed through them, and then bobbed and weaved through a few more to be sure she was safe. It took her near to the entrance of an instalment labelled: ‘Tia’s Kitchen’ the description didn’t contain the usual waffle about the meaning of life and symbolism. It just read ‘My childhood - Taako Tacco’. No one else looked to be in here right now, so Lucretia walked in.

She sat down on the large and well worn wooden bench and started to work her way through the cheese feast. This stuff was really choice, she was glad Magnus had the bags. They needed to find out who organised this buffet and only hit up their events in future. Too soon, her plate was empty, she licked her finger and dabbed up as many crumbs as possible, then sighed contently and sat back. It was probably too soon to go back already, she'd have to kill some time. At least it was cosy in here. The room really did just look like a kitchen, although she wasn’t sure if that counted as art… well, not until she got closer. Instead of something from a showroom, this was a well worn kitchen. The wooden butcher’s block work surfaces were uneven and bore cuts and scrapes from what must have been years of use. The hob was scrubbed clean, but the lines in the metal from scouring brushes could be seen. The pans hanging above it were cast iron and well seasoned, slightly bashed out of shape, and clearly ancient. She ran a hand absently over the worktop and couldn’t help but think of Miss Myrtle’s kitchen, learning to make okra gumbo, grits, and hoppin’ John. This kitchen wasn’t flashy, some of the drawers were missing handles, and the utensils were warped and dented from years of tapping the sides of pans or being soaked too long. It wasn't clinical, not some perfect idealised thing, this kitchen was home. She sat back down on the bench and felt the wood underneath her hands, grounding herself there. She took her time and breathed deeply, picking up the faint spices laced into the fabric of the place, the linseed oil on the wood, and garlic from the woven dried bunch on the counter. The wave of wistfulness which washed over her was surprising - she hadn’t ever wanted to be a child again, it was bad enough the first time round, but just for a moment here, she wanted to be back in Miss Myrtle’s kitchen learning about her history and how to cook nutritious and cheap all at once.

“So this one put you to sleep?” A teasing voice asked. Lucretia snapped her eyes open, worried to have been found looking so out of sorts. “Oooooh, fuck, you’re crying.” A man with curly blonde hair, a sub nose, and warm brown skin approached her looking vaguely alarmed. He wore a blousey shirt, tight pants, and pirate boots. An outfit which Kravitz would definitely appreciate the drama of… and the man in it if she was any judge of these things.

“No!” She replied quickly. “I was just appreciating it.”

“No, I was just… appreciating it.” She sniffed loudly and looked away to blink a few times and ensure there were no remnants of emotion on her face.

“Right, you’re an all five sense kind of art appreciator. Got it. Sniff many paintings?” The man walked over and curled himself lazily onto the bench beside her.

Lucretia wasn’t entirely sure what to do with this, how did she even start to reply? He was talking again before she had time to formulate a response. “I don’t sniff art!” Lucretia realised that denial after such a delay was only going to make her sound more guilty.

“Wow, you really do sniff art.” The man looked overjoyed. “My brother in law would love you, he’s always doing weird shit.”

“That’s different” Lucretia wasn’t used to feeling on the back foot like this. She didn’t even enjoy art much, she certainly didn’t go around smelling it!!

“Art sniffer.” The man coughed out. Lucretia narrowed her eyes at him, but he innocently batted his back. “Just a cough.” He grinned. “So, you come to many of these things? How does it compare? I’m new to it.”

This felt like safer territory. Lucretia could easily waffle about this stuff, so she did. She talked about the other shows they’d been to recently, said some generic bullshit about them being esoteric and challenging, didn’t mention the cheese. The man nodded a lot.

“So what about this one? Is it challengingly esoteric, or esoterically challenging?” He asked.

Despite his teasing tone, it felt disingenuous to just say something generic about it.

“It’s warm.” Was the best descriptor she had.

He considered this for a moment, and nodded. “I like that. Warm. I’ll put it on the press packet.”

Lucretia’s brow furrowed in confusion, the man just smiled. “Taako, pleased to meet you.” He held out his hand.

“As in, you made this instalment, Taako?” Lucretia choked out.

“That’s chaboy!” He looked pleased with himself. “I’ve never seen anyone sniffing my stuff before, but there’s a first for everything. I also enjoyed watching you and the guy without sleeves go ham on the buffet. I put a lot of work into it. He definitely doesn’t seem the type to be here, he your boyfriend? You drag him along to eat cheese while you smelled the work?”

“Fuck off.” Lucretia replied, elegantly.

Taako raised an eyebrow.

She absolutely refused to have someone believe she was straight. “Look, we’re not into art, my friends and I, we just started going to art exhibitions as an excuse to dress fancy and eat our weight in cheese cubes.” She paused, then added. “But your art, your art did things to me, alright? Usually it’s all just weird bullshit, but this? Hot diggety shit, this is real.” Lucretia should probably have stopped talking a while ago… “… oh, and if you didn’t want it to be sniffed then you shouldn’t have added all the smells in.”

Taako laughed uproariously. “You come to these things to steal cheese?”

“We heist cheese, thank you very much.” Lucretia wasn’t sure why it sounded better that way, but it sounded better that way.

“Cheese heist…” Taako looked pensive.

“Okay. I need to meet your fellow co-conspirators? Everyone else at these things is dull as fuck and cha'boy is sick of it.” Taako got to his feet.

Lucretia considered it for a moment. It was probably unwise to reveal everything, especially to someone who was involved in the organisation and knew they weren't going to drop any money on the art. But they also definitely needed to get to know the man behind the cheese, she was certain the others would be just as enthusiastic about the spread. They'd understand. She nodded. “I’ll see if I can find them. I think you’ll like Kravitz… He’s English tonight.”

[basically-i-write-shit]

You know what they say about assuming

Also posted on ao3 here 

Summary:"Taako looks up from his phone at the man again, and now he’s looking around the park, confused, and then he locks eyes with Taako and yeah it’s definitely Kravitz and he still doesn’t have a kid with him and-- Okay, this is embarrassing." In which Taako thinks he's talking to a hot single dad but it turns out he's talking to a hot single dog owner. How he got them mixed up is beyond him.

Taako is hanging out at Magnus’ stupid pet shop, waiting for closing time so he can get a ride to Davenport’s house for dinner, when he sees him. The most handsome man in the world. Taako isn’t ashamed when he checks him out – discretely, of course, behind sunglasses – and likes what he sees. He looks flustered, like he doesn’t know where he’s going, and so he hops up, shooing Julia away before she can help Hot Stranger. 

“Hey, there, welcome to Hammer and Tails. You look a little lost, handsome, mind if I help you out?” 

Handsome Stranger looks a bit startled, his eyes widening a moment, and Taako smirks as he begins to stutter. “I– I, uh– Yes, that would actually be– that would– that would be really nice– uh– th- that’s rather inappropriate of a store employee to say to a customer, don’t you think?” 

“Well lucky for me then, I’m not an employee, just a regular ole’ chum,” Taako hums. “So I can’t get fired for flirting. Now, what do you need?” 

“O- Okay..?” Handsome Stranger seems to get even more flustered a moment before he fixes his sleeves absently and that calms him down a bit. “I‘m just looking for some of that Beniful stuff, I think..? The vet recommended this stuff, to help with some digestive stuff…” 

“Yeah, sure, bud it’s pretty easy to find just follow me,” Taako makes sure to walk in front of Handsome Stranger just enough for him to see his ass in the jeans he’s wearing but not too far so he gets lost. They get to the dog food aisle soon enough, and that’s where Taako’s knowledge ends pretty quickly because he doesn’t know where Magnus stocks what food. Thankfully Handsome Stranger sees the food and goes to inspect it. Handsome Stranger thanks him and grabs a bag, bringing it to the front of the store and checking out quickly. 

“Thank you so much, come again!” Julia calls after Handsome Stranger, and he leaves. Taako sighs, leaning against the counter, and she laughs heartily. “Taako…” 

“Look, Jules,” Taako stands back up, trying to seem nonchalant even though he’d literally jumped at the chance to help the stranger. “Julia. Jules. If you say a word of this to anyone, even Maggie, I’ll kill you I swear to god.” 

Julia laughs brightly, tilting her hair to the side, and she nods slowly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. I’m honestly kinda surprised, though, Taako; you usually are a bit more…forward. You didn’t ask this guy on a date the second you could.” 

Taako rolls his eyes. “It’s not always dick jokes and shit, I’m not always horny– okay, I’m always horny, but not everyone else is– besides, he’s a total stranger! Like, a really fuckin hot stranger, but still a stranger.” 

“I could give you the name from his credit card info,” Julia doesn’t even look at Taako as she says that, smirk on her lips as she starts to lock up. Magnus’ voice booms through the now empty shop as he checks on the various animal enclosures. 

Taako makes the “I’m watching you” gesture, glaring at her, and hops up on the counter while he waits. 

“It’s not like I’m going to see him again, which is a damn shame, but really. This was just a nice little gift while I wait for my fucking ride.” He raises his voice a bit at the last part, hoping to make Magnus come up front a bit faster. 

“Whatever you say~” Julia sing-songs. There’s a few minutes of silence before she speaks up again. “It’s Kravitz.” 

Taako’s head lifts from looking at his phone. “Huh?” 

“His name. It’s Kravitz.” 

Taako groans, because of course now she’s invested in something that’s never going to happen with someone he’s never going to see again. 

…Which is why, when he sees Hot Stran– Kravitz again, he’s kind of surprised. He and Lup are dropping off a batch of homemade dog treats for the new puppies at Hammer and Tails when he sees an oddly familiar set of locks disappear down the dog food aisle. His cheeks immediately burn bright at the suggestive waggle of Magnus’ eyebrows – of course Julia told him, the little – and he tries to subtly shake his head but by now the whole situation had caught Lup’s attention. 

“…Anyone wanna tell me why Ko is as red as my acrylics right now?” 

Magnus bursts out laughing at Lup’s casual question, bending over the counter and almost dropping the jar of –carefully made, and will not be replaced if they’re broken, thank you very much– dog treats he’d been given. Lup just stares, unamused, waiting for an answer. 

“Koko? Wanna get this one, or am I going to have to wait for this chucklefuck to stop laughing?” 

“Sorry Lup, so– sorry,” Magnus’ laugh is a little bit quieter now, and he straightens up a bit to put the jar of treats on a shelf. “That was a good one, caught me off guard. I was just teasing Taako about his crush on one of the customers in the store.” 

“Oh, why don’t we just say it louder so everyone can hear? Why don’t we just use the intercom to announce it to the whole store? Sounds great to me!” Taako says, trying to say enough things that Lup’s attention shifts to that and not–

“Oh, you have a crush little brother?” 

“I’m older, first of all.” 

“Irrelevant. Wrong, but irrelevant. Now, tell me about this little crush?” 

Taako groans. “It’s not a crush. Far from it! I helped him in the store when Magnus and Julia were busy–” Magnus coughs a cough that sounds suspiciously like “lies” and Taako glares at him. “–And while, yes, he’s rather handsome, I wouldn’t call it a crush. We barely talked enough for me to flirt, and he didn’t seem to like that much.” 

“Please, ,who couldn’t resist our genetics?” Lup scoffs, flipping her hair over her shoulder, and Magnus snickers. “Why don’t you go talk to him while he shops, hm? I actually need to borrow Maggie for a minute, talk about a present for Angus’ birthday.” 

“You’re finally getting him a puppy? Yes!” Magnus is already over the counter and dragging Lup to the back of the store where they keep the various pets before Taako can complain. He knows that Angus isn’t his kid, but he does have to live with the brat and if he has to also take care of that dog he’s definitely not having that and– 

“E- Excuse me..? Sorry to bother you, I need to– I need to check out…” 

Taako can recognize the voice without even turning around, having fantasized a bit about it in the two weeks it’s been since he last heard of it, but he turns around just to be polite anyway. He gives a confident smile, because he’s not at all flustered at the reminder of the thoughts he’s had about this stranger. Not a bit. 

“Yeah, sorry stud, I’m still not a worker here. I’ll page one of the workers though, they won’t mind.” He says, strolling behind the counter and hitting the intercom button. Since there’s only one patron in the store that he can see, he’s a bit less professional than he could be as he speaks into the tiny microphone: “Hey, uh, Magnus, Julia, can one of you come up to the register please? Register.” 

Taako hangs up with a shudder, remembering his brief (horrific) stunt in retail before he’d started working at Angus’ school. 

Kravitz watches with amusement on his face as Taako leans against the counter, trying his best not to look too interested in him. 

“So, what’s your name? Never caught it last time I saw you.” 

Kravitz looks almost surprised that Taako remembers, but quickly shakes that look away to one of cool, collected. “I never threw it.” 

“Hm, stole that one from Heathers. Nice.” 

Kravitz plays with the hem of his shirt, embarrassed at being caught probably. Definitely that. “My name’s Kravitz. Nice to officially meet you, I suppose.” 

“Right, right,” Taako nods along, pretending he didn’t already know it. He points his thumbs at himself.  “’Cha boy is usually called Taako.” 

“Alright…Taako…” Kravitz gives a shy smile, clearing his throat a bit. This is edging on awkward territory and Taako is almost tempted to page Magnus or Julia again when Magnus and Lup come to the front of the store. Lup has – thanfully – a small kitten in her arms, not a puppy, and Taako allows himself a small relieved sigh at that. Magnus kicks him out from behind the counter now that he’s returned and Taako obliges, instead sitting criss-cross on top of it. Kravitz has a confused look on his face as his eyes go between him and Lup, and he chuckles, mouthing the word “twins” to the other man. 

Magnus is quick to check Kravitz out before leading Lup back to the back, leaving them alone again. Taako, for what it matters, decides to follow Kravitz to the parking lot. 

“So you making this place homebase for the whole dog food thing, huh?” 

Kravitz seems surprised that Taako’s followed him, but recovers quickly as he nods. “Yeah. I’m– Yeah. The food I have to buy is pretty expensive, but this place has it about two dollars cheaper than usual.” 

“Yeah, Mag doesn’t like to upcharge. He makes most of his money on puppy training classes, anyway,” Taako looks at his nails, watching the other in his peripherals. “But I suppose it’s fate, now that I’ve helped you out here twice.” 

Kravitz laughs. “I– I suppose so? It sure does sound like lady fate wants us to meet.” 

“Right, right. So how about we talk about your absolute luck t have met me over coffee?” 

“What about your– your sister? You two look a lot alike, it’s so crazy,” 

“Well, we did carpool here, but if she spends any longer in there I’m fine with disappearing for a minute.” He shrugs. “So?” 

Kravitz has a smile on his face as he nods slowly, but he looks down at his watch and cringes. “I would love to, Taako, but– but– I promised my baby girl I’d be home to take her to the park at five…” 

“Oh,” Taako nods slowly. So he’s a dad? That’s a bit unexpected, but not a deal breaker. He tries to be subtle when he checks out Kravitz’s left hand, smirking a bit when he doesn’t see a ring. Hot, single divorcee? Oh he can work with this. “Your wife can’t do it?” He asks, just to make sure. 

“I am not married,” Kravitz says with a laugh, seemingly knowing what Taako was hinting at. He seems a bit flustered. “I really would like to get to know you, but I try to keep her schedule pretty regular. I’m away most of the day, and if she doesn’t get to play at the park she won’t sleep.” 

Taako nods, pretending like he doesn’t care even though he’s actually pretty damn disappointed. “Yeah, no problem bubula, Taako doesn’t mind. But hey, y’know, I’ve got one of those – well, it’s my sister’s but I live there to watch it – so maybe we can set up a playdate?” 

“That actually– That sounds really nice, actually. Do you want to– to, uh– exchange numbers? So we can set that up?” 

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Taako smiles and pulls out his phone, and they quickly give each other their numbers with the promise to text later. Taako is remiss to admit that he’s actually really flustered by this interaction; he denies to the end of suns how, after saying goodbye to Kravitz, he ran into Hammer and Tails and squealed like a little kid (but Magnus and Lup saw; they pretend they didn’t, but they saw). 

So he has a potential date with a hot single dad. Alright, cool. 

He supposes there are some perks to having a brat at home. Lup and Barry won’t mind if he takes the kid for a playdate, especially with how little Angus actually gets out. Besides, it’ll distract him long enough for Lup to come over to Magnus’ and grab the damn cat they’re getting Angus for his birthday and come back without the “worlds greatest detective” or whatever noticing and getting suspicious. 

It isn’t until around eight o’clock after family dinner with everyone that he even remembers he gave Kravitz his number, despite how excited chill he was earlier in the afternoon. His phone buzzes while he plops onto the couch and he pulls it from his sweatpant pockets, already rolling his eyes at a meme one of the boner squad probably sent him, but his eyes immediately widen when he sees Kravitz’s name on the screen. 

Checking his hair even though it’s something Kravitz can’t actually see, he unlocks his phone and opens Kravitz’s message. 

[8:27 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;) Hey, Taako, it’s Kravitz. It totally occurred to me we never talked about a time or anything for our little playdate. Any preferences? I’m off during weekends if that helps. 

He waits just a couple of minutes, so he doesn’t seem too excited. 

[8:30 PM] TO: Kravitz ;) Nah, no preference, stud. Down for maybe Saturday afternoon? 

Maybe Krazitz does the same back to him, which is fucking stupid and lame, because it takes five whole agonizing minutes to reply. 

[8:35 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;)  Sounds good! 1:30 good? There’s that dog park near Hammer and Tails that’s really nice. 

Taako finds it pretty weird that he wants their kids to meet at a dog park but hey he won’t judge. Maybe he’s bringing the dog too. Not the most fun for kids, but then again Taako doesn’t know much about kids anyway. 

[8:35 PM] TO: Kravitz ;) 1:30 is perfect there’s no way I’m getting up before noon on my days off lmao

[8:36 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;)  Lol. Sounds great. I forgot to ask what age your sisters’ is, but mine’s 6

[8:37 PM] TO: Kravitz ;)  Aw shit really? He’s like 10 now I think, beats me

[8:37 PM] TO: Kravitz ;)  It’s probably alright though he doesn’t even know how to play much anyway he can get a lesson from your kiddo

[8:39 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;)  It’s good to socialize her anyway, doesn’t matter what age. 

They talk a bit more about nonsense (mostly Taako flirting) before Taako goes off to bed, grinning ear to ear. 

The day of the playdate comes much too fast, and Taako almost forgot to inform Lup and Barry of his plans. Which would have been bad. Put him out a kid, and then the whole playdate is ruined. He doesn’t know much about the brat Kravitz is bringing, only that she’s six and her name is Raven. He doesn’t know if he should pack anything – a snack, a leash, some toys – but Lup, bless Lup, already has a small backpack with a couple of Angus’ favorite books and some outdoor toys with the promise of these will be fine, they’ll just run around the park, don’t worry. So he takes Lup’s car and drives across town to the park they’d agreed on and waits. 

The park is empty save for one man and his dog, a pretty big Doberman that runs around the place with ease. Taako almost thinks it’s Kravitz, because he wears a similar hairstyle, but he shrugs it off because there’s no other kid at the park. So he sits and waits in the car, Angus already reading a book in the back seat. He waits about ten minutes before he thinks he’s been stood up, and he’s about to put the car back in drive when his phone buzzes. 

[1:36 PM] FROM: Kravitz ;)  Hey I’m at the dog park where are you?” 

Huh. Taako looks around, and there’s still just that one man, looking impeccably dressed for just a stroll at the park. He frowns. 

[1:37 PM] TO: Kravitz ;)  No, I’m at the park and you aren’t. There’s no one else here. 

Taako looks up from his phone at the man again, and now he’s looking around the park, confused, and then he locks eyes with Taako and yeah it’s definitely Kravitz and he still doesn’t have a kid with him and–

Okay, this is embarrassing. 

Taako would like to blame this on lack of communication, not how utterly stupid he was for thinking the guy at the pet store buying pet food wasn’t talking about his pet. 

Kravitz walks over, smiling, and waves a bit. Taako slides out of the car, not even bothering to unlock the car since Angus is old enough to figure out how to do it himself, and gives a sheepish wave as the Doberman follows Kravitz over to the edge of the fence near the parking lot. 

“Hey, uh, so this is going to sound real stupid, but uh…” 

Angus hops out of the car, looking upset that he wasn’t let out of the car, and Kravitz looks at Angus. Then at Taako. Then at Raven (the dog! Oh how stupid!). Then at Taako again. 

And he fucking laughs. 

It’s not a full-bodied, uncontrollable laughter, but a light, teasing chuckle that sends Taako’s entire heart out of his chest and his turns his cheeks ruby red. “Taako,” Karvitz lilts, and it’s almost too embarrassing, Taako almost just gets back in the car and drives off. “Taako, did you think– Did you think we were– oh, man, did you think we were having a playdate with children?” 

“…Maybe. But this is totally your fault.” Taako says. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Who calls their dogs their baby girl? Huh? That’s so fuckin’ weird, you can’t blame me for this one!” 

“I– When you said ‘oh I have one of those’ I assumed you meant dog, seeing as that’s what I was talking about. I thought I made It very clear that we were talking about dogs.” 

“Nuh-uh, bubula, you never said the word dog once while we were talking!” 

“We met at a pet shop, Taako.” Kravitz says, exhasperated, and this is all really just too funny. Angus is looking between them, confused, and clutching his book to his chest. 

“Taako? I thought I was going on a playdate,” He says, peeping into the conversation, and Taako groans. 

“Not now, Ango, I’m pretty busy trying not to die from how mortified I am right now,” He says, ever the dramatic. Angus just lets out a quiet “o- okay?..” before heading over to a bench and sitting down. The Doberman happily follows and Kravitz tries to scold her but she hops up onto the bench and plops down right in Angus’ lap, but the kid doesn’t seem to mind. 

“So, uh–” 

“Please, let’s never mention this again.” Taako says miserably, head in his hands. “I’ll never live this one down if any of my asshole family hears about it.” 

Kravitz smiles. “I suppose I can do that. On one condition, though,” 

“Anything to never have to remember this ever again.” 

“I’d like a real date, if you wouldn’t mind. Maybe without the kid or the dog this time.” 

Taako’s head whips up so fast he almost gives himself whiplash. “Wh– I– Really?” 

“I would very much like it, uh…You really are someone I’d like to get to know better…” Kravitz looks embarrassed as he talks, his cheeks warm. Taako just looks at him, eyes full of amazement. 

“Y’know, after that little blunder I just had, I probably would refuse to even think about you again. But I’d actually kinda like that.” 

“Really? Great! I mean– great that you want to go on another date. This one’s, uh– I mean, we can make it a great date? We still have daylight to kill, and it looks like Raven and Angus get along pretty well…” 

Kravitz offers a hand, and Taako takes it, laughing. 

“You’re not very good with words, are you, Krav?” 

The afternoon isn’t too bad after that minor ssue is resolved, and Taako is pretty happy by the end of it. He takes Angus out for ice cream after to get him to keep quiet about the whole ‘doggy playdate’ thing, and that’s the end of that. Right? 

“Mom, dad! Taako took me on a playdate with a dog!“ . 

“Angus you little traitor–!” 

“You did what?!” 

“I’m gonna kill you, little man!” 

…He really should stop assuming things. 

[the-appreciation-zone]

I LOVE jalexy's taz fics. Raise and get Razed is fuckin hilarious, and Do You Remember Me is so sad and sweet and Im so excited for the next update <3!

Jalexy I don’t really know you that well but from what I’ve seen you are very nice and I love seeing your icon in the chat discussions!!

Galexy is really jazzed about dnd! And she knows her stuff! It's really fun going back and forth when talking about the pros and cons of spells in different situations!

Hey Jalexy! It’s been a lot of fun seeing you around on the writer’s discord! Thanks for giving boom and me ways to customize the server to maximum non-readability – I’m sure we’ll use that information in totally responsible ways and not at all for fun and goofs. Your ideas for the potential Pacific Rim au were great – you mentioned that you like to make connections between the different stories and that’s one of my absolute favorite parts of coming up with aus. We should talk more about aus sometime! I love them so much, come and talk and share this au pit with me. (Then we can trick other people into writing them.)

I read your fic, “Raise and get Razed” and it was wonderful! I really like that you took a look at what necromancers might be beyond very goth and hiding out in caves; those are fun too, but the necromancers in your story are original and interesting! I love the idea of average people getting creative with a dark form of magic for relatively innocent reasons – I never would have considered a person using necromancy to help their farm, but asking a parent for advice using plants as a sacrifice are excellent ideas.

I think my favorite part, though, were the pun names and Lup’s reaction to them! I have no idea how you came up with so many but that entire section where the group is being asked for their names was wonderful. My absolute favorite line is this: “B- Buddy- Buddy Corpse? His name’s Buddy Corpse. It’s- it’s ironic how he- he died really c- cause I can admit that it sounds like bloody corpse but th- that’s his real god given name.” (Poor guy, how did he never notice this trend?) Lup going back to retrieve the bodies just so she could see if their names were also puns was hilarious and absolutely something Lup would do. Poor Kravitz is trying to be professional and Lup and Barry aren’t helping; it’s a mess and a delightful peek into their dynamics together!

Thank you for sharing this work and some wonderful experiences on discord, and I hope we can talk again soon! I hope you feel every bit as appreciated as you deserve to be!

I’ve also read your fic “Do You Remember Me?” that you’re collabing with hyperInactive, and I am so excited to see where you two go with it! I’m incredibly fond of aus, and especially those that explore what might have happened differently in the story with even a slight change. I really love the idea of Lup getting out of the Umbrastaff early, and this is the first time that I’ve seen it explored with Lup leaving the Umbrastaff during the Rockport Limited arc. (While I was reading I hoped that the au aspect was going to be Lup being freed early, but I was not expecting it to happen in that moment! I had to stop and try to remember if that was how the fight went down - and then the crab snapped the staff and I had a great “oh shit” moment.) That’s such a unique opportunity! Lup has the chance to see what’s happening on the moon base and react to it, but is also able to more obviously interact with events of the story in a way that she couldn’t in canon. There are so many possibilities here! I’m not sure what you’re planning with the rest of the fic, but there are several arcs filled with potential and I’m so excited to see where you go with it!

What I especially liked in the fic - something else I haven’t seen before - is Lup refusing to believe that her brother would have forgotten about her. There are a number of fics that explore Lup learning things from inside the umbrella, and in most of them she figures out almost immediately that Taako has forgotten everything, including her. I love the difference of, despite all of the evidence that might hint otherwise, Lup doesn’t believe it. (And the moment on the train when she wonders if Taako stopped looking for her after a couple of years broke my heart - she’s not angry, but she never would have stopped looking for Taako.) That’s such a realistic way to portray that realization; it’s the one thing that Lup refuses to accept until she absolutely has to, and that gives her moment of realization so much more impact. I’m very excited to see what you do with both this and other fics in the future!

"Jalexy, the apprecaition zone has led me to your Ao3 and i have never been more greatful. 'Raise and get Razed' was hilarious and all round a wonderful short read! All their names are puns and it took me a while to get it but once it clicked I died laughing. Also the setting of the barn, and their reason for summoning (pumpkings, the first instinct when pumpins arn't growing is ask a demon. im.)  was great?? I loved it. Im not very far into 'Do You Remember Me' that you have been writing with hyperInactive but bOY is it good. The lup feels are so heavy in this one, and I can assure you I'll be binging the entire fic sometime soon. Theres this wonderful mix of lines straight from the podcast as well as explorations of scenes from Lup's perspective and its just. The feels. Its just all so good."

Cool. Well I would like to say that I read some of her fics and that her strongest skill, one I really envy, is her ability for description! It’s really easy to picture what she’s saying and it’s all so real seeming. Honestly it’s an amazing skill and makes her writing great in a way that keeps my attention and I just assume everyone else’s

Their angst is absolutely A+ and their tumblr has the perfect balance of fandom v memes, and i enjoy following them v much (although I don't understand their homestuck references, which i assume are very funny based on other experiences). They're a warm and funny presence on the discord, which is mainly how I know them, and they're always around to chat or to help generate Horrible Ideas. They are eminently quotable and the discord would be an emptier place without them.

Ive got my addition! Ive read and reread your gift for candlenights sooo many times!! I love your works, but that one in particular was so funny i was dying! Badass dysfunctional reaper squad is the absolute best, and I love how you write them! You’re a ton of fun to have in the chat, from the thousands of cursed jean jokes that get dropped to the fun ideas tossed around (even in the dangerous waters of the homestuck tag). Stay cool!!

Raise and get Razed was one of the funniest TAZ fics I've read!! Barry is a nerd, the characterization was spot-on, and the sheer amount of puns... I kept laughing through the entire thing! Also, I love your blog and blog theme,, it's so soft and nice to look at.

I hope this isn't too late but for galaxies good good feels thing I wanted to say that I knew them in the McElroy party server and they've always been extremely fun to be around and just a joy to be near. they always have soft, fluffy ideas that they execute beautifully, it's good enough to be published as a children's book, and honestly, their ideas are great for when you just want to unwind with a warm and fluffy story.

Sorry this is so late ive been moving house while working full time things been slipping x.x Jalexy! Holy jazz you beautiful human, you are a day-brightener in every possible way! You're so positive and easy to talk to and an actual literal Great Human with a tumblr that is aaaaaall Good Shit (bc I legit scrolled through for a couple hours because all of it was so good?? You know how to pass on that good good content and it's ALWAYS a good day when you're on my dash. Thank you for being one of the sunshine people <3

"Hey!!! I don't get to talk to you nearly enough for how fucking cool you are, but you are super fucking cool. I wish i had so much more substace to put in this than i do, but school is kicking my ass (like always, really, fucking developmental disorders, why are they like this???) and i am a nervous bean who has seen your url and your killer handle (seriously, that nickname and handle are to die for!!! good shit right there) many times and been too weenie to talk to you. I know you are super chill and super cool, and i admire you a lot, and hopefully we talk a lot in the future. <3"

Time To Appreciate the Shit out of Alex!  Like, ok, you are just so good???? im giving up on anonymity here, you're gonna know its me by what I say.  If I tried to be vague and anonymous, I wouldnt be happy with what I said.  (Also this is gonna be super sappy bc i have two modes: Angst and Sap, and this sure as hell isnt gonna be the former).  Anyway, you are so much fun to write fics with.  Like, hands down I would write endless amounts of stories with you bc you have such good ideas, constantly.  Half the time our brainstorming is me sending you an idea that I think is decent but not that great, and then you sending back an idea that is just So Damn Good.  Your story ideas are super original too, and they're stories that if I saw them in a bookstore i would buy them in a heartbeat because I've seen nothing really like them.  And your writing never fails to make me laugh, because you just have this way of adding humor to stories that doesn't seem forced at all and I'm convinced its a whole different art form because I could never be as funny as you when I write.  And then, when the humor is super obvious in the writing it doesnt even feel wrong or clunky in any way it's just hysterical.

Your writing style is just so unique and I could read it forever.  Youve been one of my absolute Best Friends for four years now, and you've motivated me to write so much, I can never repay you for all the ideas youve given me and the beta-ing help and the brainstorming we've done that most of the time turns into us making jokes about Everything.  Do You Remember Me is one of my favorite things to write, and thats largely thanks to you.  You're just so supportive of all my writing, no matter what it is, and I hope that I'm doing a good job in return because honestly?  I think one of the reasons I'm so intent on making that fic perfect is because I want to make you proud?  You're just a huge inspiration to me and I really want you to be happy with the fics we make together.  And you'd better know that when you publish your first novel, I'll be the first one to get a copy because its gonna be amazing! You're gonna be amazing!

[flashwitch]

Family Hurts.

Here on AO3. 

Hecuba thought she knew the man she married. She was wrong. 

Introducing the crew to Hecuba and the kids was… well, it wasn’t a situation he ever thought he would be in.

His marriage had been arranged by his family. His family had met his wife before he had.

Having his real family show up and having his memories flood back, that was hard.

Because he loved Hecuba, or he’d thought he had at the time, and he loved his kids. Oh Pan did he love them. But he loved the crew too.

Lucretia, Davenport, they had been like a sister and brother to him. They understood him. And the twins, well they’d both called him dad more than once. Most of the time it was sarcastic as hell, but. Yeah. In fact, he tended to think of them, Magnus and Barry all as his kids.

He never thought he’d have kids of his own.

And yeah, maybe Mavis was his stepdaughter, rather than his blood, but he loved her. He loved Mookie, his son. He loved them both, more than he ever thought possible.

And Hecuba? She had meant something to him once. And he still cared about her. He did. But she’d never really known him. The real him. The person he’d been when they were together, the person who she had married, he was not that person. That person was lost, forgetful, broken.

He  had to sit down and tell  the rest of the crew; Davenport, Barry, Lup. Lucretia already knew of course. It was strange telling them something about himself that they didn’t know. After a hundred years together, you know each other’s stories off by heart.

When he told them about his family, his wife, his kids, the people who he left behind, they were shocked. They tried to hide it, but he saw it anyway.

The Merle they knew was committed. He followed through. He stayed on Fungston and died with his congregation. He went back to John over and over again.

The Merle they knew never gave up, especially when he cared about something.

Three days after the Hunger, just enough time for the roads to be cleared, Hecuba brought the children to the Moon.

While the twins set to making a feast fit for a queen (Barry and Kravitz both working enthusiastically as scullions), Merle sent the kids off with Angus and set Hecuba down for a talk. He took her to a balcony, gazing down from the moon to the world below. It was quiet and no one else would bother them there.

She was beautiful, looking almost exactly as he remembered. Her hair and beard long and luscious, and her eyes twinkled brightly as she smiled. As they sat next to each other, both silent, she twisted her hands in the fabric of her dress.

“It’s good to see you,” Merle said finally. “How have you been?”

“I’ve… I’ve been fine. How about you?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve been good. Adventuring, you know.”

“I know,” they were both quiet for a long moment. “It’s hard for me to believe, Merle. All of this.” She gestured helplessly. “You… you’re a hero.”

“Yeah. It’s hard for me too. I. this me. I never would have left you. I want you to know that.”

“This you, the real you. You never would have married me. You’re a good man, Merle.”

“I don’t know about that.” He laughed, just a little. “You’re a good woman. You’ve done so well by our kids, Hecky.”

“They’re sweethearts, aren’t they?”

“The best thing we ever did.”

They leaned into each other a little, shoulders pressed together.

“I hated you,” she told him, her voice low. And that hurt, of course it did. “You left. You didn’t even leave a note, Merle. I woke up and you were gone. I had to explain that to the kids. Mavis cried for hours. Mookie didn’t understand. He kept sitting at the window, waiting for you to come back.”

“I sent a letter!” he protested, not even sure why he was trying.

“A month later, Merle. It’s not enough.”

“I know. I am sorry, Hecuba. I know that’s not enough either, but,” she cut him off with a single look.

“But,” she said “we weren’t right together. We argued all the time. I never felt like you were really all there.” She smiled wryly. “I guess I understand why now. It doesn’t excuse what you did. And I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.” She took a deep shuddering breath and let it out slowly. “But maybe we can move past it. I’m not saying we can get back together, because I don’t think that would do either of us any good, and it definitely wouldn’t be right for the kids. But… well, I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t hate you.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

They sat there a while longer, just enjoying each other’s company in a way they hadn’t in years.

“It’s terrible,” Merle said eventually, his voice quiet in the hush they’d surrounded themselves with. “Not knowing who you are. Not knowing your own mind. I knew there was something missing, I knew something was wrong. But I couldn’t figure out what. All of us, we all knew something wasn’t right.” Hecuba didn’t respond. She just sat and listened. “When I met the boys, that’s Magnus and Taako, when I ended up with them and we rattled along together, it was the first time I could remember feeling completely right.”

“I’m glad. I’m glad you found somewhere you belong.”

Merle didn’t need a Zone of Truth to hear the honesty in her voice.                                

There was a bang and the door out to the balcony they were sitting on burst open, slamming against the wall.  Mookie came running in and careened into Merle, who scooped him up.

“Taako says you gotta come. He says there’s food and I wanna eat!”

Mavis came running in after her brother, a little out of breath.

“Mookie! Don’t run off!” She looked between her parents and her little brother, a bit shy, a bit unsure. Merle smiled at her.

“Hey sweetheart.”

“Hey. Taako and Lup, um they say dinner’s ready.”

“OK baby,” Hecuba said, standing up and brushing down her skirt. “We’re coming.”

The parents followed their children through the Moonbase towards the dining room where the rest of Merle’s family were waiting.