#that's not what this blog is for but I gotta vent somewhere

[taisho-era-secrets]

Man, I am so touch starved right now and I really just want to be intimate with someone, but years of bad relationships just got me shutting down when I think of being naked in front of someone again. I'll be damned if I get one more person making fun of my body or nitpicking small shit that I can't help.

Self shipping and reader x fics are so healing in that way, like just for a moment I can be someone else and not have to worry about someone I love humiliating me at my most vulnerable moment. Sigh.

[musical-chick-13]

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[seventh-district]

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[wildemaven]

he makes life better | joel miller

-> pairing: no outbreak!joel miller x reader

-> word count: 1335

-> content warning: 18+ blog; bad day, annoyed with work, dealing with flat tire, joel being sweet, lots of fluff

-> note: this is for my sweet friend @gnpwdrnwhiskey hoping this brings a smile to her face 💞 this isn’t beta’d either so it’s probably filled with mistakes lol.

masterlist

Joel ❤️: How’s your day going Honey?

I’m so ready for my shift to be over. I’d rather read the dictionary, front to back, than deal with the shit they have me doing today. 

RING

“That bad, huh?” Joel’s voice brings you an instant smile when you answer his call, silently stepping away from the mess that you were dealing with at work. 

“You have no idea. It already feels like it’s been the longest week, today has just added to the shit show life keeps throwin’ at me lately. Went to leave for work this morning and I had a flat tire. Ugh! I’m sorry for complaining.” You vent to him, tucking yourself in a secluded corner. You were going against policy by taking a personal call while on the clock, but you didn’t care about company policy or the outcome of you were to get caught at the moment— Joel was your only focus right now. 

“Hey, none of that. Don’t apologize for being stressed. Why didn’t ya call me ‘bout your tire?” Joel asked. 

You know he would’ve dropped everything the minute did call him, which is also why you didn’t. He had been stressing over starting at a new job site, one of the biggest ones he had been hired for. The last thing you wanted was to add to his already busy day of things he had to deal with. 

“You’d already left for work and had that new job you’ve been talkin’ about. Didn’t wanna bother you with it. I called AAA and had them put the spare on for me so I could drop it off at the tire shop. Now, I’m unexpectedly the owner of 4 new tires.” 

“I don’t care how busy I am— you need something, you call me, no matter what. Got that, Honey?” 

“Got it, Joel. Thank you.” You smile into the phone at his concern for you, always finding ways to make you fall even deeper in love with him. 

“Good. Hey, I gotta go. Tommy looks like he’s about ready to break his back. I should probably go help him before he actually does and my insurance takes a hit. I’ll see ya tonight then, sweetheart?” 

“Yeah. I should be outta here in 3 hours.” The end to your long shift, almost over. 

“That sounds great! I love you, Honey. I’ll see ya later.” You can faintly hear Tommy cursing in the background. 

“Love you too, Joel.” You tell him before the line goes dead. Giving yourself a few minutes of quiet before heading back to join your team and the never ending line of customers. 

The rest of your shift goes by fairly quickly. Joel’s phone call must have been just the moral boost you needed to sprinkle a little bit of extra positivity into your day.

The minute the clock hit 5 pm, you wasted no time clocking out and logging out of your computer for the day. Deliberately bypassing your usual exit path to avoid any chatty coworkers, Joel and home your main focus of the rest of your day, you weren’t going to waste any time stuck in drawn out conversations. 

Your purse thrown over your shoulder, work apron crumpled in one hand and the other holding your empty tumbler that once held the warm delicious coffee you had hoped would sustain you through the day, now wishing it was filled with something a little stronger to help you unwind when you got home. 

It’s a struggle trying to juggle your things as you search for your keys, lost somewhere in the depths of your purse along with the rest of your life's necessities. You pause in the middle of an empty parking space near where your jeep is parked to give the search your full attention. After some thorough digging, you locate your keys and let out an exasperated sigh, one step closer to being home. 

Taking a step forward as you press the unlock button on your key, you look up to see an unexpected sight. A familiar truck in the parking spot next to yours, and the most handsome man leaning on it. He looks like he came straight from the job sight, too. His peppered grey hair disheveled, but his soft curls were still intact even after a long day. The sleeves of your favorite green flannel are rolled up over his flexed forearms that are crossed against his chest, the fabric stretched over his broad shoulders. 

The sight of him is enough to melt away any of the bullshit you had endured over the past week, a completely welcomed surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask him, letting your feet carry you the rest of the way to him. 

“Heard you were havin’ a shitty day. Couldn’t let my lady end it on a bad note.” He croons, pushing himself off the side of his truck, opening his arms to you. 

You melt into him, your face nestled into his shoulder. His rugged scent of musky vanilla and natural pheromones is permanently infused into the fibers of his shirt, it’s your favorite thing ever. His strong arms wrap around you as he presses a soft kiss to your temple, prompting you to straighten up, looking into his amber eyes. 

“Hi, Cowboy.” You beam at him. 

“Hi.” He says, leaning in to gently mold his lips over yours. “I’ve got a surprise for ya, Honey.” 

“This was enough of a surprise for me. What more could I need?” Stealing another kiss from him. 

“If I tell ya, it won’t be a surprise then, will it?” He says, tilting his head slightly as he looks at you. 

“I guess you have a point.” 

“We’ve gotta get going though, it’s time sensitive.” He grabs for your things and walks you around to the passenger door, holding it open as you climb in. “We’ll grab your jeep in the mornin’, if that’s okay with you?” 

“Whatever you say, Cowboy.” He leans back in for another kiss, before making his way around into the driver’s seat. 

*

The drive isn’t long. Down some familiar roads that lead to a dirt one off the main highway. His truck travels down the gravel road lined with a barbed wire fence. After a few minutes he’s pulling off to the side and killing the engine. 

“You brought me to my favorite place.” Looking over to his side of the truck, where he’s already looking in your direction. Your heart grows at how he thought to bring you here, knowing how much joy it brings you every time. 

“Thought you could use it. Look, here they come.” He says pointing to your window. 

Off in the distance, the small herd of cows were in pursuit of their evening meal and water break. Mamas with their little rambunctious calves trailing behind, trekking along the same path they travel each evening. 

It’s a calming sight. Their heads bobbling with each dramatic step. Tails whipping over their rear ends to swat away the annoying flies. A few stopping mid trek to look in your direction, letting out a long drawn out moo. Their friendly hello, it’s good to see you again, then back on the move. 

The sky is painted in pinks and purples as the sun dips below the horizon. Your day feeling less shitty as you sit silently in the cab of Joel’s truck. His hand resting on your thigh while his thumb draws soft circles over thick denim seam. 

“Thank you for this. Didn’t realize how much I needed it. I love you, Joel.” You tell him, rolling your head over the headrest in his direction. 

“I did it because I love you, Honey. And s’what I’m here for.” There’s a low rumble in the air as he turns the key over, shifting the truck into drive. “Now, how ‘bouts we head on home and I spend the rest of the evenin’ show you all the other ways I love you?”

“Take me home, Cowboy.” 

[skittlespizza]

If fear and hunger guys had tumblr:

💰 veteran-funger Follow

Hey! Did you know the dungeons of Fear and Hunger have treasure in them! For the low price of 50 gold, I'll sell you a treasure map. Dm me on discord thanks.

🗡 cumhara Follow

@celeste-on-hiatus I'll be back in a few weeks! Love you!

🍇 celeste-on-hiatus Follow

What.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I fucking hate le'garde. He keeps on having holy crusades for "Alll-mer" or something. MY WIFE AND CHILD DIED. I hate him so much. I want him dead. Sorry for the vent. It's been a tough week. I am going to track him down and kill him with my bare hands.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Le'garde isn't that bad. Calm down, the crusades had a purpose. Stop being parasocial about a guy you don't even know? Sorry about your wife but you gotta get over it. You're a full grown man.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I added "Le'garde apologists" to my DNI, leave me alone freak. Go and kiss Le'garde's ass somewhere else.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

I will! You know, they say Le'garde is in the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger?! Yeah. I'm going there. Fuck you. I'll save his ass and send you pics of us together.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Hey guys I'll be at the dungeons of fear and hunger for a bit.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Hey do you guys like my dog?

💀 old-night Follow

That ain't a dog. It has twice the amount of eyes??

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

Her name is moonless <3

🗡 cumhara Follow

@celeste-on-hiatus how do we feel about another kid?

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

On the way to save my cutesy bf! Wish me luck!

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Found some people in a cave.. gonna talk to them. Maybe they'd like to hear about alll-mer. I don't think they've left this cave before :)!

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Um.. they did not like alll-mer. In other words, a blue haired guy and a small girl saved me! Wish us luck. And yes guys, i do love legarde. Idk what "comphet" is? Sorry. Is that an old god? I read about that in a book.

🌚 rher Follow

Comphet is an old god, yeah. He's the old god of denial.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Oh thanks!

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Today I almost died as a sacrifice. Though, I stopped it because I had a vision. Apparently something inside the dungeons of Fear and Hunger is waiting for me. I'll update my blog as I continue on.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

I hear screaming. Dogs barking and a man crying. I'm reading.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Something broke through the wall. I'm reading. Lots of information to bring back.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Can't get fucking quiet in this dungeon. Gonna have to leave this library and find a new one. People are so inconsiderate sometimes.

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

Day one dungeons of fear and hunger. They gave me rotten flesh as food. Not befitting for a man such as I.

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

Day two, dungeons of fear and hunger. They chained me up and this rather large man has been watching me. Help?

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

I hear footsteps. Maybe someone's coming to save me!

⚔️ legarde ✅️✅️ Follow

I think the guard died.

🏹 legarde-hater Follow

I lived bitch.

🗡 cumhara Follow

Well I left the dungeons. No treasure but I got a kid I guess.

♟️ enki-ankarian Follow

Still reading.

🔮 nosramus-blogs Follow

Still reading.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

How to do necromancy

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Why doesn't he love me

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

What is a "lesbian"

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Why do i like when i see girls kissing

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Le'garde is dead.

🛡 legarde-no1-fan Follow

Leaving dungeons now. I didn't save le'garde but i found out i was a lesbian.

[nsftpolls]

Seeing people talk about their moms being wayyy too weirdly openly encouraging of sexual stuff while you're still, very young and new to even knowing what reproduction is at all, jesus I feel so bad that others have experienced this but i feel somewhat lighter now that I feel I can express this somewhat as I've been desperately wanting Somewhere to say it.

My mom was like that too, around like, 7 yrs old I was encouraged to interact with not just normal sexual stuff but kink gear in front of my mother, like, dance in kink related lingerie, and to this day she's still freakishly uncomfortably open abt talking abt her personal stuff like that and just leaves toys out in the open, sexualizes random things I say constantly and I already have a constant rational fear that keeps me from telling her when she's upsetting me.

I feel terrified + overbearing to say any more than that and I deeply apologize if that's too much to say already, I don't know what the limit on sharing about this is and I know this isn't a vent blog but, I thought I was alone, I still can never tell myself whether it's sexual harassment of any kind or not, it makes me feel sick considering it either way but she's fucked with my head badly and I don't know how to get it to end.

how many mothers do i gotta murder

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

I'm so tired. I feel like my whole life I've been fighting to have a healthy relationship with food and my body, and I just can't do it anymore. I can't fight anymore. And it's so, so easy in comparison to restrict and obsess over tracking everything I eat

I'm dealing with symptoms of a currently unknown disability right now, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of doctors saying "wow, I have no idea what's going on, I've never seen labs like this... but I'm sure losing weight will help!" (Or, worse, "looks like everything's fine, just lose some weight!") It's become this belief that if I was skinny my symptoms would be taken seriously. If I was skinny I'd be able to figure out what was going wrong because doctors wouldn't rely on my weight to explain everything. I know logically there are lots of disabled people who are still ignored while being skinny, who still struggle to be taken seriously, but I can't shake this feeling that everything would be easier if I was skinny

It feels like my life is in the hands of people who don't give a shit about me. And they still probably wouldn't give a shit if I was skinny, but maybe they would. I don't know, I've never been skinny, so I can imagine that everything would be perfect if I was

It's definitely at least partially a desire to have control over my body, too. I can't stop my symptoms, I don't have the tools to figure out what's wrong on my own, but I can starve myself! It seems very silly written out, and it is, but knowing it's silly isn't enough

I saw in your about that you've dealt with comorbid chronic illness and eating disorders, so I guess I'm asking... how? That's probably already on your blog somewhere, actually, so I guess I'm just venting more than anything. Advice would be appreciated, though

God, I feel this so hard, anon. So so hard.

First of all, I am so sorry I have taken so long to get to this ask. Work, ny studies, and my personal life have all been overwhelming lately and I’ve been having to focus on some wellness work for myself.

But yeah. What you’re talking about is a REAL problem, and you are not alone. And the constant medical neglect of fat people and the “I’m sure all your mystery symptoms will go away if you just lose weight” is just the cherry on top of the shit sundae that is chronic illness. It hurts peoples’ lives. It can kill. I don’t have a quick fix for this system, anon, but I just wanted to take a moment to validate you because I know that what you’re going through is so frustrating and draining and soul-sucking. I am mentally sending you strength.

First of all, I might have one suggestion for you: lie. Lie to your medical professionals about just one thing, and no other: tell them you are already on a weight-loss journey, even if you are not. If it gets you the help you need in this system - yeah, fib a little. But then, explain to your doctors that the reason you are seeking treatment for your symptoms so proactively is that they are preventing you from doing what you need to do to lose weight. Yes, of course you really want treatment to improve your basic quality of life, but when you’re talking to your doctor, sometimes you gotta frame it in a way they’ll hear. Explain how each symptom has made you unable to pursue an active lifestyle. Or how you’ve been too fatigued to meal prep, or how your symptoms are costing you so much that you are struggling to budget for dietary changes. You don’t have to actually be planning any of these things, but if it gets them to continue pursuing the source of your symptoms, just lie. I know it’s so triggering and awful to have to do this just to get taken seriously, so set aside time to prioritize something that you find self-caring after this.)

I know you say your desire to control your body seems silly written out, but it’s not silly at all. I get it. I really really do because I have the same impulse. When your body keeps acting out of your control in painful ways, it’ll make you desperate. And when you’ve had the message pushed your whole life that being skinny fixes everything, it tends to stick in your mind. You are not alone. You are desperate and being driven by a valid impulse.

Instead of pursuing an eating disorder, remind yourself that eating disorders only give you the illusion of control. Eating disorders only pave the way for the disorder to get more control over you. Not to mention, starving yourself will likely take even more of a toll on your health, doing lasting damage if you lose a significant amount of weight from starving. You are allowed to love yourself more than that. I know it’s hard. I know it’s hard to keep fighting for yourself.

Are you in any chronic illness support groups, online or in person? If you aren’t, I suggest you find some. You may find a good outlet to vent about symptoms, get advice on what got doctors to take other people seriously, and learn more about your own symptoms.

While I don’t recommend starving yourself, you could try tracking your symptoms in relation to certain foods and see if specific food sensitivities worsened them (this was true for me.) For me personally, it helps to remind myself that these foods aren’t “bad” foods - they’re just not good FOR ME, and choosing the ones that make me feel better is a way of taking care of and loving my body. (If you find your symptoms do not change based on dietary experimentation, you can disregard this advice.) For me, it can be really triggering having to avoid certain foods, so I definitely have to take a pause to calm down and talk myself through it sometimes.

Things like meditation exercises, gentle yoga, de-stressing exercises and therapy will not cure your chronic health condition, but may help keep symptoms from spiking as badly because stress is known to exacerbate physical symptoms. (Easier said than done, I know - what you’re going through is stressful. I am not telling you not to feel stressed, just to try and create small pockets of time where you try to give yourself a break from stress, which may not come naturally and may be hard because you cannot go to a place of escaping your symptoms. Just keep trying patiently and be compassionate with yourself.)

Anon, I really really hope this gives you some sort of help and comfort, even though it’s not a cure-all and I did get to it so late. There’s more I could say based on knowing specific symptoms if you’re okay sharing them, but for now I’ll just leave it at this. Feel free to vent in my inbox any time.

[bisexual-engineer-guy]

nooo if you make an alt you gotta tell us where to find it i can’t get enough of your content :3 what if you make it a game where we have to find the treasure but the treasure is a horny queer blog

Oh don’t worry I’ll keep using this one, just the more personal vent things go somewhere else :33

[feyascorner]

First off, I just gotta GUSH about how much I literally love your writings and all the little hc and tiny ideas you spit out on your blog~~ so much that you are actually one of the reasons I decided to pick up writing fanfic again and of course (Astarion is a literally, gem to write about)

I would like some advice if that is alright. How exactly do you get into the writing mood? I posted a chapter of a fic I am working on, but I seem to be in a slump right now. This is due to two things: I constantly feel this pressure while writing that it simply isn't as good as the fics I read myself, and I start to question whether or not I am actually doing well expressing the fic itself.

The second is, do you ever start listening to songs and get all these different scenarios you start planning on in your head, but when you try to write it, it just turns out to be bleh or nowhere near what you pictured in your mind? How do you manage to deal with that?

Thank you so much, and also so sorry for literally ranting/venting about this lol I think I just hold you in very high regard :)

Hello friend!! I'm so happy you decided to start writing again! It’s definitely a challenge sometimes w so much time that goes into it but it’s also very satisfying to watch it all come together :)

My writing process is a little more messy than it should be to be honest…i either just start writing for no apparent reason, daydream a lot throughout the day, but I think the most common occurrence is that I play the actual game and it just inspires me since I'm constantly talking to the actual character! It’s totally okay to be in a slump, it happens too often to me too. And as for feeling like your writing isn't good enough, please know that no matter how many fics there are yours is unique as your own. There's nothing like your own writing and it’s all the more reason to post it! And remember that writing is ultimately for your own satisfaction and nobody else’s! If you don't enjoy it there's no point! So try not to second guess yourself (I do this too but there really is no need to worry :)) if it helps I like to make some program read what I wrote out loud! It helps me catch mistakes and it makes me more confident in what I'm putting out so this might help you too <3

And yes I think it’s a universal author thing where you have so many thoughts but it just..doesnt work on paper? It’s the most frustrating thing ever but what I do is write JUST the dialogue first! I've seen this advice on other pages but if I write only the dialogue it’s harder to get stuck somewhere with description or actions. And if you like the way the dialogue came out you can just fill out the rest after :)

There's no need to apologize! I love that people trust me enough to ask for advice because I know how difficult writing can be…youre doing great just by writing a few words! Good luck I hope this helped even a little bit! ❤️

[rhythmcrown]

It's, uh, not great right now. I should probably explain my current situation for posterity's sake/elaborating where I've been, somewhere that isn't the SCC page. This isn't a vent blog, but I do need something I can link back to instead of parroting on check-ins. Obligatory warning for talk of financial trouble, in case that's upsetting. Explanation below:

---

So about a month ago, my father (and our primary income generator) lost his day job doing IT things. This was bringing in most of our money, and when he was let go for focus problems, we figured things were going to go south pretty quick. Sure enough, here we are, not even making rent & having to get help/loans from friends because his numerous side gigs (DJing, catering delivery) are not enough.

I, currently, am unemployed. I make pocket change through rare commissions, and that kept me afloat for the most part. Now, when we're struggling to keep everything paid, my contribution is not enough, either.

I am unable to work retail/on my feet for very long thanks to health issues, and I'm the sole caretaker for my senior dog, which means I can't take on more than a few hours of outside-the-house work a day. Ideally, remote work would do, but I have no qualifications or work history, let alone a high school diploma. Thanks to the situation, I don't have enough for that GED, either.

Point is - I'm not working, I need to be, we're out of money, and I'm afraid. I need to take on so much more work than I'm doing, and I'm really struggling to punch through my task lists. Dad's trying to get hired, but we don't have a light in the tunnel yet. I don't know what I'm going to do. Not sure if I need guidance, a good pep talk, or just a lucky streak, but something's gotta give. I've had my head in the sand for a while, and all of a sudden the tide's coming in.

I'll keep trying. I don't get a choice right now. Cheers, and I hope your holiday season's doing better than mine is.

[nebulizacion]

I gotta vent somewhere... and my fail blog at 5am seems like the right place to do it. so... at 11 I'm getting broken up with. and it hurts but it's for the best. I am already playing my future self being happier out of this relationship. which was so so so toxic but refused to see it because I am probably insane lol. I'm just a girl, she was a girl can we make it any more obvious. it's so complicated. I can't save her it's not my responsibility she's said a lot of times and it's true lol I can't do anything. shes just a depressed individual who can't see what I see in her. all the beauty, all the possibilities, she's extraordinary, and so capable of so many things and she doesn't see it and even though I tried I am nobody and i won't change a thing. I will miss her badly and God please... take care of her??? Jesus, I am in tears because it's not even like... a relationship thing I'm worried about her safety and life like genuenly worried... please GOD if there is one. help her be at least at ease. I don't want anything to happen to her but that's out of my hands so just help her be at peace please but... don't take her please don't ok that's it bye

[gaysonlyocean]

AUGHH IDK ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR OCS BUT I WANNA SO BAD so uhhmm hmhmh 3 5 7 12 16 aaand also favorite scene. can be written or unwritten I just wanna know where the emotions are tastiest

ITS OK IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT THEM!!!

3.) any recurring images/elements?

isolation, trauma, dysfunctional relationships, and maladaptive coping mechanisms are all in it :]

5.) pick a theme song for the tv adaptation.

that unwanted animal by the amazing devil! a line from it is in the description of the playlist!!

7.) how would you describe the relationships between the characters in the story within eight words or less?

oh fuck thats a hard one uhhhh:

caring but in the wrong way

12.) okay be honest. pick a favorite oc from this ocverse.

rose lemonade my Beloved the og oc for this, they came first and i love it so so much

16.) imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

NOOOOO THAT WOULD TERRIBLE god theres a lot of characters im gonna have to add a read more

god ambrosi would NOT have tumblr hes too old for that 😭but if he did it would just be photos from his porch

adele would have a tumblr to post music on and at the start of the story she stop posting and then comes back at the end with a "sorry for the hiatus! i have a partner now and so much trauma"

odette canonically is a musician on youtube [think annapantsu] so et would just be posting as normal as if things arent going terribly wrong, so song covers and lil aesthetic reblogs

im not including the kids ones 5, ones 9 and the other is illiterate sobs none of them are getting tumblr, reuben also doesnt have a phone so hes not included but if he did have a phone hed be jsut posting blurry photos of the horrors

gabriel would just have a tumblr to reblog odettes posts to be proud of et, also would not be acknowledging the horrors

sasha would have a shitty meme tumblr i KNOW he would it would be full of things that were funny in 2011 and then reuben would steal his phone and post shit on it and get yelled at

elaine would have a studyblr! shes trying her hardest

madeleine is the only one with a fandom blog and ey starts posting "who would have thunk being hunted for sport sucks o_O" and eir posts take off

eran would be vagueposting about everyone and then reblogging gothic aesthetic shit

bernard would only use tumblr at the start as he tries to make a gofundme post and then the horrors happen

lenore would be reblogging all those post of like links to recipe pages and then stop posting for a week and come back with 5 million vent posts

maddie would get kung pow penised so fast

anyway for my favourite scene its gotta be the one at the motel!

ill set the scene: bernard has just seen his sisters blood hit the window of their motel room, he has his daughter in the room with him and this weird kid she befriended but his 5 year old son is Still Out There Somewhere, hes terrified, he doesnt know whats happening, all he knows is something is RIGHT outside, so he does the only thing he can think of: he grabs the two kids in the room and drags them into the closet with him, theres barely enough room but theres no where else that he can think of that will protect them from the fate waiting outside, the bathroom is too open and out in the room is as well, he hears his daughter tell him hes holding her too tight, that hes hurting her, but he cant let go, he just apologises and holds her tighter, desperately hoping that whatever that thing thats claw is scratching the window will leave

[feralattentionwhore]

So I realise that 99% of the people who follow me only came bc of my horny posts n don't realise this is primarily a vent ISH blog. So posting this many random things gets me ever closer to everyone leaving. Which is fine but I actually require assistance for once /j but also /s if you think I'm cute

Ya boi is officially at the point in my relationship where if I don't actually get physical affection and attention irl I'm actually going to have a mental breakdown. And it's getting insanely bad, so I need to get to Florida to see the gf. However the problem is I have like insanely debilitating anxiety to the point where sitting next to a stranger on a flight while insanely useless bc of travel pills literally is impossible for me. Not to mention like actually seeing them in person and a whole load of other shit

Obviously I can't like just get someone to bring me to what basically is a dick appointment plus feelings. So like currently I think the best option is to fly to Canada somewhere?? Stay there for a day or so and then fly down to Florida after that?? Bc connecting flights sound like absolute hell for me. But I also realise I'm being dramatic, not that it makes the feelings any less valid, so if there's something way easier that I'm forgetting about just idk tell me

This is an insanely long way of saying I hate my brain because I have too much anxiety to visit them but at the same time not seeing them is literally killing me and why tf do they have to live so far away if it was a few hours by train that would be fine but noooo gotta go all the way to America. And realistically only visit them a few times a year

[lostandfoundvocaltrax2005]

October 3rd. Afternoon, at the time of writing this.

its been a good while since i've written in here (guess thats why i shouldn't make vent blogs..), but i haven't really felt like i've had anything to say i couldn't express in short bursts? even now i'm not entirely sure what to put down. so, i guess i'll start with this. my boyfriends came home from their mission recently, so my mood has been relatively stable and i don't feel like hurting myself anymore. which, i think, is both good and bad. i don't like feeling like i have to rely on them in order to stay sane, but i don't think it counts unless i tell them? its fine to feel things privately. on the topic of lovers, i have two things i'm not sure how to express concisely. i guess i'll start with the most recent, that being Viv. i guess almost everyone thinks we're a couple? i got the okay i didn't know i needed from her dad (he brought it up while cuddling me to keep from fucking me. which, hysterical timing for that, but whatever keeps it in your pants) and Vex asked me if she was a new partner of mine. i reckon it'd be the next logical course of action but she's kind of already taken and i do Not want to be the stepper on toes homewrecker. she said something that jabbed a really, really tender spot i didn't know i had. she that if i got old, she'd take care of me until we both vanished. (well, not that exactly, but thats basically the gist of it). i know that i am loved but goddamn is it good to hear stuff like that. it feels a little selfish to say im sick of people expressing their attraction to me, but i think its different when its just constant sexual remarks. it was both refreshing and nauseating hearing something like that. the second thought was that i've been thinking about my time in washington recently because i got an urge to look through old texts. i feel kind of bad for how i acted, but at the same time, i know that if i had been any softer i'd have gotten walked all over. my two exes from that school are dead and i don't really know how to process it? i guess? kylar killed himself to try and prove he wasn't a waste of time, and Kidd just straight up murdered crispin for the crime of stalking me. and that kind of reminded me that this other kid, hunter, fucking killed his mom over me! Nicole and i were joking when we brought it up, i never wanted anyone to die! i know its a matter of socialization difference and the fact i'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum (i looked into recently after Doc brought it up) but holy fuck chimera pussy can not be that worth it.

Dad said he'd jump off a building for me too. its all really disorienting to think about. i got "married" recently. its in quotation marks for multiple reasons (he put the ring on my right pointer finger, there were no witnesses, the groom is FUCKING FOURTEEN. FOUR. TEEN. in my defense it was NOT my idea i tried to talk him out of it but it didn't work). at the very least he's a sweet kid and has only really done things i'd expect of a boy his age. basically he hasn't tried to fuck or move in (low bar, i know). i've been thinking a little about how time travel works recently as well. i find it odd that things become "fixed points" once you know about them. i guess its a subconscious thing? i don't know, this is way outta my pay grade. ..speaking of marriage, actually. i know better than to put any stock into the words of people who don't give a fuck about me but, yknow, i'm paranoid. not my fault. i've been thinking recently about what that zydrate guy said, about how 17 is usually the cut off age for most pedophiles. i know Jackson said i had to be 20 for him to marry me, but i can't help being anxious. oh wait thats right halloweens coming up! Kidd's bday soon ^_^ and i gotta start working on my costume. i'm going as the guy who shot me a little while ago. yeah. hey, look, i never claimed to be smart. that was something everyone else decided i had to be. and also, its cunty. both the idea of going as the guy who tried to kill me and the outfit itself, its cunt. whatever. i don't have to explain myself.

i wonder what i should get for his birthday. i wanna go shopping this weekend, so i'll look around while i'm out. huh. i had more to say than i expected.

[ghostboneswrites2]

I'm going to confess something. I'm one of the many xreader fanfiction writers on Tumblr too specifically Angst and Fluff, and can I just say I get so discouraged in writing fics? 💔 I love to write, and I know I should be doing it for fun but nothing makes me doubt my hard work than getting little to no traction.

I get that TWD readers just like to lurk and read and like, but reblogs with comments long or short would be so appreciated, you know? Something like a fuel to keep you writing. 😞 I don't know... I've been writing xreaders before for other fandoms, and it was a little bit better everyone was supportive but I don't feel it in the TWD fandom. I check mutual writers' works and the like to reblog ratio is so far as in I saw one where it had 1,245 likes and only 40 reblogs?

Sorry for ranting this to you, I just didn't know where to vent this on because I did not want my followers to think I was begging them to interact with my works. I just hope it becomes the norm to reblog and comment if you really liked what you read. Is it just me?

Yeah no I totally get it. Even if we are writing for our own enjoyment, it can feel bad to see other writers get so much traction while yours is low, or to think you just posted the greatest thing you’ve ever written but it gets barely any attention compared to other things you’ve posted.

I think this is a pretty common experience. We crave the feedback, to be noticed and appreciated, and to have all that hard work pay off even if it’s only through a fee rbs and a nice comment.

My advice to you (and anyone else feeling the same) is to just keep going. Don’t let the lack of interaction discourage you. Even the most well known fic authors across all platforms had to start somewhere.

I’ve been writing TWD fanfiction since 2015! And making this blog less than a year ago has been the first time anything I’ve written got any kind of traction or appreciation.

Sometimes certain characters aren’t your niche and you can switch it up a little. Sometimes you just need to watch the show as you write to imitate their personalities the best you can. Sometimes you just gotta keep going. Grow your writing style and find your personality as an author.

Feel free to add me to any of your taglists, tag me in a story, anything and I’ll read and rb your fics! No explanation necessary, you can just drop the tag and say nothing else if it’s easier.

[caspalooza]

I would LOVE to make a fan blog dedicated to Far-fetched seeing as it's been quietly consuming my thoughts and my life for the past few years. Even if nobody sees it I gotta vent the love somewhere you know??? What use is love if it's just shut up inside??? But then I remember, OH YEAH! I straight up can NOT draw these character designs and what would I even post about if not fan art???? the ultimate expression of my love and joy???? Help me out here?????