#that's not the case for me and you don't need to censor yourself or change anythiing about the way you've been interacting

[trans-axolotl]

for anon

Hi, Anon 💜I’m going to reply in this post so I can answer both your asks at once. Do want to give a quick note to any followers reading that this post will discuss OCD, intrusive thoughts, and compulsions, and any followers who feels like these topics might be activating, please follow your best judgement. 

First off, thank you for sharing and trusting me with your experience. I want to validate that what you’re going through truly does sound so exhausting, terrifying, and laborious to deal with day after day. It makes a lot of sense that you’ve gotten to what feels like a breaking point, and I want to hold space to acknowledge the depths of your pain and crisis right now. And I also want to recognize all the work you’re already doing to survive and get your basic needs met even through the agony you have been experiencing in the past 14 months. I know how hard it is when you’re dealing with this stuff literally 24/7, and how the cycles of intrusive thoughts and compulsions can make it feel impossible to even think about reaching out for support or letting someone know what’s going on. The things you’re already doing--writing to me about your experiences, finding a few possible options for help, being able to admit that you do love life--all of those are important + worth appreciating. 

Your vivid and poetic descriptions of your experience really resonated with me. I don't want to detract from your experiences, but I do want to share that for a few years of my life, my experience was very, very similar in terms of how I experienced my intrusive thoughts, obsessions, and compulsions, and I felt a similar level of distress. It really was around two years of complete hell for me and although it absolutely wasn’t easy or something that happened overnight, my OCD is now considered in remission and is no longer something that brings me that level of distress. I don’t want to invalidate your current experience at all, but rather just make room for this complexity that was true for me: that things became completely awful and felt like my life had been destroyed, and at the same time, there was the possibility that this level of distress would not last forever, and that I would be able to get to a point where I would feel able to engage with my life in a way that felt meaningful again. 

Right now, it might be worth thinking through what feels like the most important short term goal. Maybe one goal might be to try to stabilize the thoughts just enough so that you feel capable of reaching out to a friend or community member in your real life who would be able to help you navigate accessing support. Or maybe a goal is to lessen the distress associated with your thoughts by 5% so that you feel better capable of creating a crisis plan, making sure that your home is as safe as possible in the moments where everything starts to feel very urgent. Or maybe you might want to focus on stabilizing the thoughts enough to reach out to some of the options for help you’ve identified, whether that’s looking into therapy + psychiatry in your area, or whatever other healing options make sense to you.  Whatever feels like a priority right now to you.

I’m going to share a few strategies that have helped me and some other people I know with OCD. These might not work for you right away, or just not resonate with you at all, and that’s completely okay if some of these things don’t feel like they will be helpful for your situation right now. I will say for a lot of these strategies, they did not feel like they helped at all the first dozen times I tried them, and it was only through repetition and practice that they started to feel like they were making a little bit of a difference. 

For me, a really meaningful strategy was working towards radical acceptance. Radical acceptance can seem super counterintuitive, especially when we’ve been living in thought cycles for months, and when our brains seem to be telling us that the only thing that will help us feel better is the compulsions, and but then usually the compulsions just make us feel worse or our thoughts more intense. And especially when the content of our intrusive thoughts doesn't feel in line with our values, I know it can really heighten the distress we experience. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean that we have to like our thoughts, that we have to agree with our thoughts, or that we have to feel positive about our thoughts. Instead, it’s a skill that can help us get a certain level of distance from our thoughts and not feel as completely fused to them. One metaphor that a lot of people use to describe it is thinking about your mind like the sky. Thoughts come into the your mind in the same way that weather can come into the sky--whether it’s thunderstorms, tornados, rain, or a sunny day, the sky is always there, the same way your mind is always there regardless of the thoughts passing through it. The metaphor I use for myself is to think about my mind like a door. To me, my obsessive cycles of intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions made me feel like I was continually opening and shutting a door. Instead of fusing with my thoughts, trying to continually reassure myself, say the right words or do the right compulsions, obsess over morals, trying to just metaphorically force the door to stay open or stay shut, it helped to think about my mind as the door frame that the door, my thoughts, were moving in. This really helped me just get a tiny bit of separation from the obsessive cycles and actually ended up starting to lessen the intensity of the obsessions and compulsions, a tiny bit at a time. 

The practical things that helped me do that were a skill called observe and describe from Dialetical Behavioral Therapy, and a skill called thought defusion from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. I’m also going to link some worksheets for some distress tolerance coping skills that work by changing your physical experience in the moment to try to ground you and pause your brain for a moment, as well as a crisis plan template. Here’s a google drive folder with copies of those therapy worksheets. 

Observe and describe essentially is jut taking a step back from your internal experience, and paying attention to what’s going on in your head using a neutral framework. When I’m using this skill, I’ll say things to myself like “I’m noticing I’m having a thought about (example distressing topic). I’m noticing that this thought is making me feel really anxious. I’m aware that right now I’m getting more anxious the longer I go without doing my compulsion. I’m noticing that this thought feels like it's getting louder.” This can seem super basic, but really helped me turn down my distress like 5%. The describe part of observe and describe is about describing the way you’re interacting with your reality at the moment, again with neutral statements. If you’re doing something like washing the dishes or preparing food, for example, you could say things like “I’m observing that the water is cold. I’m noticing that this food tastes spicy. I can feel that my leg is bouncing against the ground.” This started to help me feel more in touch with my body and reality, and made me feel a little bit more able to engage with the daily tasks I needed to do. And you can adapt in whatever way makes sense to you--I have some friends who write out their observations, some other people who doodle them, or otherwise conceptualize it with images.

The other skill I’m recommending is thought defusion. This is from Acceptance and Commitment therapy, and the worksheets I linked above have a bunch of different mental techniques for visualizing how to do this. Essentially, it’s a bunch of skills that use metaphorical thinking, silly or novel behavior, or visualization techniques to try to add some separation between you and your thoughts. It’s not focused on changing the thoughts or getting rid of them, but changing your relationship with your thoughts.  

For all these skills, I would recommend practicing them for a short period of time at first + using self soothing techniques or preferred distractions afterwards if possible. For example, I set a goal just to practice for 1-5 minutes, and then seeing how I felt afterwards, maybe journaling about it, and continually just practicing it for short periods of time everyday. I would just tell myself that this was something I could do every day--I didn’t have to do it or make it an obligation, but it was something I could try out and be curious about. I know that all of this can seem really trivalizing when the thoughts are this intense, and I know I felt really patronized and frustrated when people told me to try out these techniques. But for me, with enough time, these techniques helped stabilize me enough to do even more in depth work and got me to a point where intrusive thoughts are now an occasional moment rather than my continual experience.

I don’t have all the answers and I wish there was some coping skill or strategy I could share that could instantly make your distress more bearable. I’m here to listen and my inbox will always be open to you, even if you just want to come to give an update, vent, or express how things still feel terrible. I’m sorry that things have gotten so incredibly hard and that you’ve had to deal with this mostly by yourself for so long, and at the same time I’m holding hope here for you that there is a way out of this and that there is the possibility for transformation, even if the way forward doesn’t look the exact same way your life looked before your mind starting moving in this way. 

Sending all the solidarity + best wishes your way, anon 💜💜💜

[elsa-fogen]

alright. the time has come.

I'm disabling anon asks

i've been getting too much weird stuff lately. Which shows that i'm, apparently, popular enough?! My dream is coming true, and i can't be upset! But still, haha, i'll do it before it's too late.

For those who are too shy to ask, but want to ask something about my AUs, or just make a compliment, don't worry! I'm not gonna judge you for anything! If you don't want your name to be seen in my blog, then just tell me in the ask that you would like to stay anon, i'll screenshot your question and answer it without your name!

ALSO! Some weirdly specific rules for interacting with my asks

DO NOT MENTION MY NOTP! (r//pple) or if you HAD TO please censor it like that (but please don't, if it isn't some real emergency)

Don't send me images that isn't related to my blog. Like, i've recieved few of those, they bring nothing but annoyance and disappointment, because it could've been a normal ask, but it's just... this.

You're allowed to scream, write the whole thing in capslok, keysmash and so on as long as it's not hate. Show me all your feelings, go nuts! Your hate, please, keep to yourself.

No NSFW! Just in case. For this i'll block you instantly.

You caaaan ask me to draw something, but I probably won't, sorry, my inspiration works in mysterious ways and i can't force myself to draw something (this is why i don't do comissions)

You're absolutely allowed to send me your art for me!! But if you wanna send me a facfiction, comsider that it's difficult for me to access AO3 or fanfiction.net (but i can access fic.fan (it's not a paid add lmao))

So, anything that isn't mention here is allowed, i guess

Well, i think, in case something happen, i'll change this list, and actually, i need to make a post about myself in general... later i'm too lazy rn

[how-to-fail-at-ship-jumping-au]

Hetch, as a note before I send this message, I've never once played a role to you or Ranboo or anyone else. My name's Jordan. They/them. I'm much younger than you but I've got eye bags and grey hair that match yours. I've spent most of my life trying, in one way or another, to help people in situations like yours and Ranboo's. If I were in your world, I would have tried to get you as many legal, financial, and medical resources as you could.

I don't know what to say. There's so much TO say and all of it is goodbyes. I want to ask about everyone - Cameron and Ashley, whether Mike made it back or not. Jerma and the entire cast and crew and what's happened to Showfall itself.

You've had a month to get ready to say goodbye but we haven't. I want to thank you for everything, to express how much we love you and love having been part of your lives. To wish you the best of luck as life goes on. To celebrate the time we've spent together.

But I guess I don't know how much you'll hear this from the others so I'll try to focus on one thing. And I think I speak for most of us, but I might not. In that case, it's from me personally.

I'm sorry. Deeply, from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. To everyone we've affected and to you specifically.

We entered your world without your permission, under a power that only Janine understood. We teased you, we played around, we didn't respect you because you were only fictional to us. We're the reason you almost died (not through our own fault, but still). I've been so morbidly curious about your life story that I've encouraged people to ask for a glimpse at your future if we'd voted differently, because I (thinking of you as only fictional) wanted to know more about you even if that required seeing you in pain.

We've joked to you about things that you were clearly horrified or disgusted by. We kept calling you "babygirl" to your face against your will - and I can't speak for anyone else about this, but I personally thought that this would be sexual harassment if you were "real." I hope it's the loving nickname we meant it as rather than a despised term, but my hope doesn't change the way it actually affected you.

Ranboo, we've known things about your life that should have been private. That also wasn't under our control, but we could have stopped reading at any time and we didn't. Our constant eyes on you as a vulnerable teen probably hurt you sometimes in ways I don't even remember or haven't considered.

Sneeg, I'm sorry I didn't ask if you wanted to be reached out to as much as the others. Charlie, I'm sorry I didn't ask if you wanted a break from us at any point. And I'm sorry that there are probably a million other sorries I don't have time to give.

I don't expect an answer to all of this. But I wanted to tell you this as part of my goodbye. Love you all.

And for the sake of making sure this message can get to you... please react in a way that only shows one person in the frame for us? Without much talking?

Everyone, please don't listen to this part but Hetch. And Hetch, please cover your ears if you don't want to know something about yourself that you haven't realized yet. Or maybe I'll need to send in a separate censored version of this before it reaches you?

Alright, if you're listening, this is about your own sexuality maybe not being what you think it is. Please cover your ears at any time. But I have good reason to believe that you're bisexual. It's a good thing, a beautiful thing. But no one can determine who you are but you.

[simnostalgia]

If KOSA doesn't pass, something else will.

ugh, this whole KOSA thing makes me roll my eyes. I'm sorry I KNOW I'm just a sims blog but I need to say something and it's going to be long, skip if you want to-

I get it I do, call your reps if you want to. I honestly could see it getting struck down (yet again) but honestly? It's probably gonna get through eventually in our current political and cultural climate. Do you know why? Not because of wanting to protect kids, obviously, but because they can't easily shape the narrative. And children, being blank slates, are obviously not as scared of upturning power structures as their X/Boomer parents. Not that I super needed to tell you any of this, I mean it's obvious.

And I mean, don't be naive, this was cute when it was like 2015 or whatever and we all banded together to stop SOPA but obviously this isn't going to stop. This isn't just a whiny lament about how we can do nothing (Which, total sidebar, isn't it weird when these sorts of things come up and people show up in the comments all "Oh no, there's nothing we can do!! I guess we'll just die!!!" like, get a grip)

ANYWAY, when was the last time you watched something illegally? Probably pretty recently, when was the last time you got a hold of something you probably weren't supposed to have. Do you know easy it will probably be to bypass these measures? You really expect me to believe that they're capable of censoring the WHOLE internet?

Our government. Which cannot do anything competently besides war crimes (and even then...), is really going to plug *every hole* in that regard? The trillion dollar Hollywood machine has been dumping endless amounts of money and time into stopping piracy and they STILL haven't done it. The closest they got was just trying to give us a better option, and they even fucked *that* up. And let me tell you, trying to search for a way stop people from finding very specific files you can create bots to look for is WAY easier than trying to automate a system that just searches for nebulous concepts like "dangerous content".

Like I said, do what you feel like you need to do but it's obvious that those in charge are more and more willing to make increasing machiavellian decisions to try control and public whose opinions are quickly spiraling out of control. And I REALLY doubt that calling your rep all "UwU swir, can you pwease not impede my abiwity to rwead supwernatural porwn onwine??" is going to sway them.

And the thing that they're really trying to stop, a changing worldview among youth driven by online discourse, is bound to fail because it's going to be hard to put *that* particular genie back in the bottle. If they wanted to curb the amount of sway that the internet could have over young people's opinions they needed to kill social media in its cradle in the mid-2000s. It's WAY too late for that.

You can be mad and disagree all you want but, how about a plan B? Just in case this, or any future law, gets pushed through by the stone age baby boomers. Try things like not using only the 5 largest social media sites for all of your needs. Learn how to use tor. Protect yourself online. Use platforms that can't be easily tracked. Back up shit you like so you have copies.

Alls I'm saying is MAYBE instead of playing the dumb game of "Maybe if we ask really nicely they'll do the right thing" we make a plan to use decentralized platforms that are far to large and varied to effectively police in any meaningful way. In hindsight, maybe we shouldn't have come to use large platforms to criticize power structures when the heads of those power structures also use those platforms. It just seems like bad planning.

Stop expecting that you can fight EVERY bill and start planning to do some illegal shit online.

[dead-dolphins]

Idk what this is about, but I really think you're a great writer, indeed.

The point about Mikasa's age is completely valid, though... Like, would you be comfortable with a teenager dating a grown ass man irl?? I bet not, if you have decency, I mean... It’s NOT NORMAL, it doesn't matter how much you try to make it look harmless, it'll never be okay, I think it's time to question yourself if that's really good, otherwise, don't be mad at people for calling you out, don't be the kind of author who takes any criticism as a personal attack, especially if you plan to be a pro writer one day. Ask yourself why you always want your female characters to be a cute, innocent teenager? You don't even need to respond, Ik you won't so just think about it, because there's not an ethical answer for putting a 18 old girl to f*ck with middle age man, Mikasa's age in your stories is a weird problem, period, even suspicious imo, I promise you, romance between two ACTUAL ADULTS can be just as good, dear author! Anyway, have a nice day.

I'd like to address a few points and clarify my stance.

First, if you believe I wrote a teenage Mikasa, please provide specific examples from my published works to support this claim. To clarify, 18 is considered the age of consent in most countries, making Mikasa an adult in my stories. Here you have a screenshoot of Google in case you can't search for yourself:

Regarding your question about my recurring motifs, my inspiration largely comes from medieval, gothic and Victorian novels that often explore similar themes. Additionally, I enjoy writing period and historical dramas where I strive to remove any modern mindset to accurately reflect the era I'm portraying. It's important to understand that judging such stories with modern reasoning is not appropriate, as the context and norms of the time differ significantly from today's.

As for the notion of accepting criticism in silence, I respectfully disagree. This post is on my platform, and I have the right to respond. True constructive criticism comes from a place of transparency and accountability. If you wish to offer genuine feedback, I encourage you to do so openly, without hiding behind anonymity.

Additionally, I assure you that romances with age differences have been published throughout history and will continue to be. It seems you might be new to reading works but rest assured, I don't write stories where Mikasa is underage.

And well, dear anon, I hope this clears things up for you. As for my writing, I won't be changing my style or the themes I explore. In fact, while I hadn't felt like writing recently, your comments have reignited my passion. So, thank you for that, truly!

Warm regards.

(By the way, if you censor "fuck," that already tells me everything I need to know about you.)

[redflagtag01]

finalboybyers is heart_byers on Twitter (tw: rape, pedophilia, and abuse).

When they post about Henry and Will, likening them to Father and Mother, Hades and Persephone, Hannibal and Will, Lestat and Louis, Villanelle and Eve, and other romantic fated pairs, they're trying to semi-subtly get more people on the Henwill train.

Don't believe me? Take it from Yarrow themselves (Tweet's date is May 20 and their first Tumblr post is soon after on June 5):

They don't censor their tweets in any fashion and they have a public account, which makes them easy to find when conducting a regular content search about either character, the cast, or simply looking in the Quotes of popular tweets. You don't have to be a proshipper or devils sacrament attendee to find them—they're out there in the open.

They're a proshipper that enjoys child/adult relationships, uses pictures of Noah where he is as young as eleven in their fantasies, ships Henry and Will romantically, and habitually posts explicit sexual and romantic content about them, all of which feature both Will and Noah as minors.

The ages listed on both accounts and their general speech patterns are the same. They post about the same parallels, same ideas, and same desires for the pair. They react to the same things and share their same findings at similar times. Their Tumblr is practically the exact same as their Twitter, just with more sugarcoating, denial of this behavior, and less explicitly romanticized rape.

I found that they tend to post first on Twitter and then refine it into a more elaborate post on Tumblr, but not always. Here are some examples:

It's the same user. If you can stomach that content and decide to see for yourself, then you'll note the similarities listed above and many more (assuming they don't go private or change usernames). Seriously, you will find every parallel and complaint on both accounts, as well as the same typing style and manner of speaking.

Using pictures or the likeness of real minors should never accompany such fantasies. They don't use drawings with no resemblance to real children; that is a real child plastered all over their account(s), and his name is Noah Schnapp. They're using his likeness from when he was a minor, anywhere from eleven to sixteen, when picturing Will and Henry as a couple, as one can see based on their Tweets. Here are some examples (Likes, Retweets, and one of their own) to get the point across swiftly (though they do have their own similar Tweets too):

If you wouldn't feel comfortable with someone thinking of any random non-famous child that way, why would it be okay in this instance?

The fact that they romantically ship Henry/Vecna/001 and Will is clear from the way they speak about them in their Tumblr posts and Tweets, the way that they liken them to romantic ships or dynamics while admitting to there being a romantic element (which is in line with their many Tweets, some below), but just in case you weren't already aware… now you know.

If you're turned on by minors and/or enjoy thinking of them in that way, then you need to seek help. Pedophilia can't be cured, but it can be treated with therapy. That isn't a kink—it's a paraphilia that is one act upon that desire away from being a psychiatric disorder. You wouldn't even have to interact with a child to reap criminal consequences; just producing or consuming any visual depiction of their engagement in a sexual act is a crime itself—and yes, that includes fan art and cartoon depictions.

Most people understand there's a difference between fiction and reality—ergo, enjoying the drama of a fictional abusive ship does not mean you support abuse in real life. However, things change when real minors are involved in sexually explicit materials. No child should be spoken of or viewed that way by adults that should and do know better. Noah could not have consented to have his pictures, or his likeness, used in this manner, and he likely still wouldn't. Children cannot consent and have the right to exist in the world without being sexualized by adults.

Will is fictional, but Noah is real and his underage likeness is the face of their fantasies. Artwork of Will engaged in sexually explicit conduct would be illegal and considered obscene under the federal law of the United States. Such content is illegal to produce, distribute, receive, or possess, and those convicted could be fined and imprisoned. Historically, this has even extended to textual depictions, too.

There's a reason why it's prohibited on many platforms, why these specific proshippers get suspended and have to remake accounts multiple times, and it isn't because evil conservative "antis" are "kinkshaming" the oppressed proshippers again. The material they produce and share is obscene by legal definition. They're not only picturing Noah's underage face in their mind and their works when they romanticize Will being raped and groomed, but they're proving that by always using pictures of him when he was underage, and only those underage pictures.

Yarrow admits to having interest in and consumed such prohibited materials, as noted by this Liked Tweet, and their own admission (one of many):

The fact that Will is a child and was played by someone with a baby-face is a deliberate and crucial part of the appeal to these people. The corruption of a child's innocence and naïveté, tarred by sexual exploit, sinister intentions, and his lack of consent, is all Henwill's charm (and they say this themselves in Tweets added below). It doesn't work if Will is aged up to an adult and that's why he never is in their fantasies. He has to be a child, helpless and pure and preyed upon, and he has to look like Noah's eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen year old self.

They know that it's pedophilic and that's what they like about it. That's the entire point (again, see for yourself beneath the cut). That's why they shamelessly Tweet about it, but deny it here on this platform, where they [hopefully] are not among like-minded company.

I've included an array of tweets that show they do not view Henwill in a platonic fated enemies fashion and never have—no matter how many times they deny this now. You may notice similarities between those Tweets and their posts, how they "refined" their Tweets into something more palatable, as I mentioned earlier. Read at your own risk, but this should be available for viewing to all unless they change their Twitter handle, go private, or delete/unlike them.

There will always be people who become involved after being exposed to this content, but if you already liked to think of children that way, then there wasn't anything anyone could've done to deter you. Pedophilia is resistant to treatment—a Tumblr post wouldn't have cured you and you would've found this eventually. Still, I have blocked out usernames to prevent further exposure. With this post, I hope to inform others who don't share this paraphilia and who were unknowingly helping spread their thinly veiled pedophilic content.

If you cannot stomach explicit pedophilia or rape, then do NOT continue reading this post or visit their Twitter.

[starrtoon]

Question pal, have you had any interest watchin' H*zbin H*tel now that its out (just censored in case you wanna avoid having the fans on your tail) & if so, what did you think and if not, I'm curious as to why! Just because I know you've done art for it & stuff before. (Obviously you don't need to explain yourself, I'm just curious. I know that I watched the whole thing because I couldn't suck myself out of it and there are bits and pieces I enjoy in a more solo-context but others I (Christian) take pretty heavily as like....I don't like it. Big parts feel very off, even with the themes on redeming sinful souls and such. So I just wanna see your thoughts on it if possible as another Christian for some perspective.)

ok, so... yes I watched the first 4 episodes. (through Kimcartoon 😏)

possible spoilers below(?)

besides the OBVIOUS blasphemy and biblical inaccuracies, the show does have a lot of issues with writing and pacing. I didn't laugh at ANY joke in those 4 episodes (though Angel calling Vaggie the actual V word almost got me for some stupid reason 🤷‍♀️)

I don't like some of the VA changes they did, Vaggie sounds bland, Husk's voice doesn't really fit the design of the character IMO, and even tho she isn't a big/important character I DO NOT LIKE THE NEW VOICE THEY GAVE KATIE KILLJOY. I got used to all the other VAs, and kinda prefer the new voice for Alastor over the old. also I would like to congratulate the show for being the first to make canon ships feel like unbelievable cringe fanon ships (the cat and spider, and snake and cherry)

I'll also sometimes scroll through the tag on twitter to see what's going on and what criticisms other people have, like with the whole Angel Poison episode (and which imo when she hires a storyboarder that has a r4p3/n0nc0n f3t1sh to do it, I think that's pretty messed up)

and of course I find out in the episodes I haven't seen they added St Peter and made him a white guy with blond hair, same with making Adam white (I dunno if Adam coulda been darker irl but 🤷‍♀️) as I said in a post on twitter, it's clear Vivz has some animosity towards Christians/Christianity so she's gonna twist and be inaccurate. (true accuracy wouldn't even allow her show to exist, as Adam's song has some truth in it "Hell IS forever" so there'd be no chance of redemption)

[SPOILER] I've noticed from some posts that they got Pentious to heaven, so I see that it actually IS possible for the sinners to be redeemed.

will I watch the new episodes? when I get around to it. I'd say the show is 90% trash. and even tho I don't necessarily like it, nor Vivz as a person, I still like some of the characters (and their designs) even if I don't agree with their actions. if anyone has a problem with me still drawing characters while '''hatin''' on the show, they can just deal with it tbh 😏

[angeletombee]

i hope you don't find this weird.

you and your writing were one of the factors that led to me finally completely abandoning religion, and i want to thank you for that. i feel free and even though i don't actually know you, i wanted to say that i'm grateful you exist.

First of all, this comment/statement came in a very long time ago, and it has lived with me ever since. I’ve been sitting on this for months, contemplating. Pleasantly haunted, perhaps? I don’t even know if I’ve arrived at a conclusion yet, and I just didn’t know if it needed replying to or not. I’ve gone back and forth multiple times — so many times, really. I finally decided, YES. I want to validate these words and express my gratitude.

Thank you, Beautiful Human.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. It’s fucking hard, I know, and *I am here with you*. This is one of the singularly most difficult things to bear, but we’re all here with you.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I never — not ever, not ONCE — thought that when I poked my silly fanfiction onto the internet that I would make anyone happy, let alone help them (even in a teeny way) out of what I feel to be a repressive worldview, but here we are. This is the power of words, cats, and THIS is why the Right Reich is all about banning books. About censoring words. BECAUSE WORDS CAN CHANGE LIVES. And you never know which words in which orders in which cases in which tenses — or even which LANGUAGE — will do the trick. So best to ban as many as possible! Keep the people in line. Ignorance is tantamount to compliance.

Well, fuck that.

I was taught that the pen is mightier than the sword, and goddamn it, my slick-ass fountain pen is a THOUSAND times hotter than your stupid gun. And, yes, I only write with fountain pens. I know this is spilling out everywhere, but that’s because I want you all to read this and know it’s heartfelt and have an ultimate takeaway — even if you, yourself, are religious (I have no problem…pro-religious expression!), even if you read three words of what I write and hate me, THAT IS GREAT! That’s your prerogative! THAT, my cat, is freedom.

Anyway.

Words can help. Words can heal. Words can change whole fucking *lives*. Words - even dumb ones - can help people arrive at the truth. Even words in gay Good Omens fanfic written on the internet.

Remember that.

I don’t know who this human is, but I am so, SO happy they exist. Thank you again, Intrepid Person. Stay strong.

I believe in you.

[vergess]

The Letters from Watson situation and you bringing up that being exposed to bigotry over time normalizes it reminds me of a situation where I was hurt because someone didn't tw for bigotry. I watched the Nanny a lot as a young kid and when Matt Baume did a video essay about it and it's roots in queer culture I decided to try and re-watch it. When I actually went to watch it, I was floored by the sheer scale of fatphobia presented. It wasn't a jab here or there every other episode, it was a barrage of fatphobia in every episode, baked into the text. I tried to hold out, to see if I could ignore it, but eventually found myself in tears as a chubby child actress was berated on screen for comedic effect. But what really scared me was... The show was getting to me. I was starting to see the thin but less petite elder daughter as fat, when I wouldn't have before. The show was changing my perspective despite my best efforts to not let it get to me. Fatphobia is not comparable to anti semitism, but this taught me that, if you are going to present a piece of media, or analyze it, not mentioning or warning for bigotry is irresponsible at best, and endorsement at worst. I'm still a bit irritated that fatphobia wasn't mentioned even once in the essay. I'm really sorry this backlash is happening over a very reasonable reaction. :/

Mmm, actually I think most kinds of bigotry are very comparable.

Not universally, no. But, in general? People benefit from comparing them. Solidarity is often built on learning the things we have in common first, so that we can better help respect and protect each others' different needs, interests and abilities.

Just off the top of my head, for example, fat people and Jewish people are both characterized as greedy, and in fact, Jewish people are often specifically characterized as fat.

But that's REALLY off topic, haha.

In this case, while there were some warnings made about a month ago (apparently these warnings were repeated if you use the email reader, but I do read on the website, where the warnings are not repeated), and while I was aware of the content going in, my issue is, again, not with the existence or lack thereof of the TW list.

As I have. Repeatedly and constantly said. I think the TW list is lovely. It's great. It's very complete. Nice work everyone. No one has any problems with the TW list. No one has ever had any problems with the FUCKING. TW. LIST.

THE PROBLEM. IS WITH. THE UNHINGED. ANTISEMITISM. IN RESPONSE. TO THE MOST MILQUETOAST. IMAGINABLE. POST. EVER. MADE.

Here's the breakdown.

20 y/o Jewish woman: Gosh, even with the trigger warning a whole month ago that imo was really not enough, that sure was some antisemitism. I would prefer to see more pushback on such intense racism in the future, but it is early days. Sure hope things get better as we go!

Me, 30+ Jewish person: Haha, yeah, reminded me of how much it hurt to read when I was a kid. Glad I've got bigger problems to worry about nowadays lol.

Every gentile within earshot: OH SO YOU THINK WE SHOULD CODDLE YOU POOR LITTLE JEWBABY FEELINGS HUH? WE SHOULD CENSOR ART FOR YOUR PRECIOUS WIDDLE OWIES? YOU WANT YOUR TO PRE-DIGEST YOUR WORDS BECAUSE YOUR SUBHUMAN JEW BRAINS CAN'T READ? KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!

Me, again: Okay, well. That is an extreme fucking reaction so let's fucking calm our asses down with the goddamn nazi shit for ten fucking minutes, perhaps????

And then the gentiles devolved into further screaming about how I'm, I don't know...

They seem to have convinced themselves of a lot of things at this point. The ones willing to put their names on it are mostly content to call me anything from a liar to a harasser to an imbecile incapable of reading, to someone with a personal hatred of the Substack operator, etc etc.

They seem broadly convinced that I "want" something or to impose on the substack. Which is nonsense. All I "wanted" was to read some books I liked with a group of people and discuss, and that ship has thoroughly fucking sailed.

The anonymous bitches are mostly wandering into blood libel at this point. Again, I used to post all my anon threats, but I stopped doing that once bigots got smart enough to start reporting me for spam when I did that, because victims showing their harassment in public is, of course, the real harassment.

They also seem not to be aware of a very simple fact:

I can still see your comments in my notifications page if I'm the OP, even after you've blocked me, and it is very fucking obnoxious.

[asirensrage]

Anon, despite your claims, this has little to do with the post I reblogged and it tells me that you didn't actually grasp the concept and information that was given. You're missing the point. Things that start as "we need to censor obscenity" turns into "protect the children" and then escalates into blaming and hating specific groups of people. It's a clear thing that's prevalent through history and multiple instances. Maybe reread the post and try again.

Also, just because you don't see yourself in that way, doesn't mean it's not a slippery slope down to it.

However, I think it's a little obvious that you're just using this topic to make complaints and try to breed antagonism towards certain people. The same people, in fact, that you're been complaining about for...years now? I blocked out your comments because it has nothing to do with the topic, not really. I'm not going to indulge your incessant need for drama against other people. I will, however, answer your question about me.

Yes. I'm writing a darker fic. What that means is that it has darker themes in it compared to many other fics I write. In this case, with this fic, it includes imprisonment, kidnapping, torture and forced pregnancy. It's not entirely what it seems so you'll have to wait until it's released ;)

That being said, it's not the first darker fic I've written. The Art of Seclusion alone deals with obsession and being forced into situations where the character tries to make the best of it. My most popular oneshot on tumblr is a fic where the reader is essentially kidnapped and forced to work to create a forged art piece and then decides to sleep with the man who took her.

These aren't even the darkest things I could write. If I didn't hold back....

In any case, that's what warnings and tags are for. Since you've proclaimed to be a lurker, if you don't like it, don't lurk. Don't go searching my blog (or anyone else's) for things you don't want to read or see. And, as I suspect you're the same anon who told me how glad you were for the new ways tumblr is working to cover things unless you choose to see them, it shouldn't be a problem. If you didn't change your settings to see mature content, then you won't see it regardless. And if you did, then that's on you.

You know what to do babes!

[1nfine77]

Modded DR

I could shift to a better CR. I could shift to a reality linked with dark-academia, like somehow being involved with the Greek class from that one very popular dark-academia book. I could...

...It turns out I don't have that many media interests, actually, and I can't really be asked with constructing an entire reality of my own, and so that is about where it ends for me. I've never even bothered with the concept of a waiting room reality.

Where I am actually focused on going is a reality based off fucking Mxnecraft (censored because I badly don't want someone looking for block-game content to find this lmao) because I obviously only have my best interests at heart here.

Basics

Time ratio: 1:1 (no regrets on this one - when I'm gone I am gone for as long as I feel like, thanks)

No, things aren't blocky. Things look as they do in the CR, with some exceptions here and there.

I've had this DR for around three years now. It's also the first DR I ever considered shifting to. I'm bloody committed to this place.

I am basically the same person there as I am here, except with a completely different set of circumstances.

I eventually decided to have no way to change the permutation of the DR I'm experiencing while already experiencing one of those permutations, if that makes sense. I'm not giving myself in-universe cheat codes. I also figured that, if I shift back to any version of the CR, I can just... Figure out which one on the fly, since I will have some vague access to CR memories anyway. No need for LIFA-anything, in other words.

Links (updated as I bother creating posts):

[bear in mind that, due to the proximity to real people in my CR, some things are going to be either round-about or not-quite-accurate when it comes to some things, specifically names]

[also no guarantee i'll fill out the contents in the order they appear here lmao]

[x] IRL Backstory (Just a general look at the blend of circumstances that made this ever seem like a good idea)

[x] How the hell does this reality function

[x] Self

[x] Friends

[x] People who are important but sure as hell shouldn't be considered friends

[x] In-universe backstory

[x] In-universe current circumstances

[x] How I choose to script any of this

[x] Specific changes from the base material (ignoring things that were changed for safety reasons, because...)

[x] ...And how are you keeping yourself alive here, exactly? (Discussion regarding safety in a reality where most things in it want to kill you, and both info- cognitohazards are a very real thing, among other threats to your continued existence. Also, the respawn system, and how injuries and healing work with regards to both the Minecraft health and hunger bars and how things look in the CR).

Notes

I have been fucking around with various bits of this reality for around three years now. Needless to say, as I think I've mentioned in a previous post, I do have the 'staying alive and sane and safe and well' bit almost entirely covered, although I don't have a post out about it currently... And might not for another month or so. We'll see.

I have been fucking around with various bits of this reality for around three years now. Looking between my original script and the one I have going now is a bit of a trip. I am very comfortable with randomly changing things on the fly, whether they're very minor details or pretty major ones, and not really caring about having absolutely everything set in stone. Every single iteration of this DR I've set down or kept in my mind exists; whichever one I go to is the one I go to, as far as I'm concerned. It all counts. That means nothing I post about this DR is guaranteed to be accurate in even a week's time.

I originally scripted that my memories of my time in my DR would, in the CR, be vague and dream-like. It was like that for months. I recently remembered I put that and fucking cussed myself out and changed it, because sure, having that barrier is very very important in this case, but I needed a better way of doing that that didn't boil down to 'you will come back (if you come back) and it will feel like it never happened'.

There is an in-game sanity mechanic one of the mods adds. I am keeping it. I find it fucking hilarious, okay? (To be fair - the specific kind of sanity it refers to is as much a physical distortion of the body as it is a disruption of the mind, and is affected only by very specific cognito- and infohazards, so I am almost treating it as sanity 2.0 rather than the actual overarching system of how brains and trauma work)

I had a much funnier/more clever version of the contents list but I decided to be less of a smartass.

...I am sure I am forgetting So Much but I don't care enough to sit around and change this post for the nth time, so... Whatever. I'm sure I'll edit things in or clear things up in subsequent posts, or whatever.

[the-sinking-feeling-starts]

these fucken people tell me how much they care for me and how much they want to be here with me

and it all gets snatched in the flip of a switch

my tragedy is made for art

my life has no privacy

i have no one to physically talk to

i crave intimacy

i crave peace

i crave freedom

but in the end of the day i am still alone in these four walls suffocating and being exploited and having my words i write, spread to people who dont deserve to hear my thoughts

i am so fucken tired of living like this

people and their war crimes and their hatred and their control and their emotional manipulation and their god complexes

all my lines get crossed all my green lights turn into blue lights and red lights

i fall in reverse into the past and skip ahead to the future to find a new one

everyone loves to talk their talk, state their case, and share their opinion. buts its all a facade

the tv censors me alone in my bedroom

sir, you can't flip off the camera. stick to the script now! cmon dude!

the comments all perfectly made "we love you! great voice! great setlist! great episode! but could you possibly try to be less agressive with your tone???? the audience isnt really vibin to it? your borderline personality disorder is showing. im not a psychiatrist but that's the general public's opinion.

these fuckers have the balls to talk their shit and control my life and what i do or say or what devices i use to escape this cruel world but dont dare to look me in the eye, or give me compassion

they run the great pretender play and bring up my history and how i watched my mother die on Valentine's day.

theres no remorse, they have no shame, they have no care for me or my heart or what they have been doing to me for months.

are you there? are you watching me? are you singing with me? are you crying with me?

they steal everything from me, they dont go away, they linger in the shadows. they only think about me on the tv. they follow me from town to town.

its all so fucked up and i am living an absolute nightmare for months now. hell, even years it seems; looking back at it

we have been six feet under, the blues, the yellows, the call me backs, the bow before your gods, the feedback, the treason. all in the sake of my heart.

we have been going thru the cycles for months now; been told its gonna get better; but it just worsens day by day. the crimes increase day by day; the liars increase day by day.

so yeah, i will blog about that, i will bet the lucky numbers on the bingo, i will give two fingers to the skynet

you can infiltrate my systems, preform your power tactics, give your love out and then take it back right away, you can talk your talk, but you cant change who i am or what i believe in.

i wont let the headlines get any of my time.

this cant keep up. and i wont allow my soul to keep up with this. i have stated my case numerous times. its my way. if you truly truly care for me. it is time for you to make a move and see me face to face. this digital life and analyzing every move is tearing me apart. I have put my life on the line for so long for these men and they are too "shy" and "insecure" and "busy"

i don't want to have to keep secrets, i dont want to have to play a character, i dont want to have to deal with narcissistic abuse anymore. after everything i have been through that i have not deserved, i need someone. i need a hug, i need to be able to sit down in public with someone and feel like im not just being misguided or forshadowed for the sake of the play.

im so sick of the experiments and the tests and the crossing of lines and the your right their wrong no im right no your wrong, no your opinion is sus, no your opinion is manipulative. its fucken exhausting and mind numbing having to always second guess yourself or question who you are talking to or thinking about when it can all be switched in the algorithm in seconds.

no matter what you do, what you say, how hard you try, there is always going to be opposition and criticism. you are damned if you do and damned if you dont. life is too short to deal with this fuckery. i have lost way to many people close to me to have to grieve in isolation like this and be a human punching bag for whoever has the m i c at the time. the mics will drop, the birds will chirp.. time will heal all wounds and the cycle will repeat. on and onn and on and onn and on and onnn

im not your robot, im just me

and you can fuck off! hope the feedback is seen and herd and the glitch will be fixed. thats not love. thats trauma and abuse.

thats what i think about valentines day 2023.

shame, shameful

sincerely from my broken heart,

Tyler Pierce

12:51 a.m. 02/15/23

[writemyaceattorneys]

GOD 🦆anon You are Talented!!

Legit gave me chills-

DONT MIND IF I ADD ON ;D - 🌌anon

They sould only sputter as wild theories became reality before the small grey screen, the only point of interest being their avatar for the game.

He was sentient. They all were.

No wonder the story would completely derail off the few times they used a walkthrough, how all the start of chapter cutscenes seemed to be so censored. No wonder there were more chapters than what they were told in game - they were told there was 5 maximum per game, not 10. No wonder character dialogue would be so... off, out of character almost, eerie and almost directed towards them.

...rationality decided to pop its head back into their mind, bordering a state of panic from confusion, commenting that maybe they were just seeing things.

It was late at night after all. Trial 10 was taking its sweet time with the pre trial segment with miles and maya seeming to always vy for phoenix's(...? They couldn't decide. Was it for him or them?) Attention.

...right, they'd get through this and save.

It was just another part of the game. The supernatural didnt exist - otherwise it'd just be natural.

"Alright... talk... there's no dialogue options though." They glanced down to where the bottom screen emulator would be.

"Oh no, just use your mic, S/O."

The abrupt text change made them jump. The supposedly "unique" sprite to phoenix's avatar in their game portrayed a gentle look to the side (coincedentlsly staring directly at heir Point of view)

...were they being hacked?

Through an emulator of all things? Using phoenix wright: ace attorney sprites?

No, no...

"You Look worried. Are you alright?"

The air went cold as S/O's hand retreated back from theur pondering, a slow burning whithin not pleasant with the icy air felt as if their emotions were a fever "...You can see through my camera?"

"Of course. Your dressing gown really suits you."

They scrambled to the drawer in their desk with tape in it and tore a piece of paper, quickly sticking it over their laptop's camera.

"What do you want?!" They nearly screamed, but it was hoarse, a whisper.

"Whoa, hey, its alright. I'm no hacker! I wouldn't ever do anything like what you're thinking!"

The sprite took on the iconic shocked expression, as if he had any justification to feel that way.

"Then..." their throat was burning. "What are you, if not a hacker?" Because what or who else could do this? It didn't make sense.

Again, eliminate the impossible whatever remains is only the truth, the very last "normal" case in their playthrough had said.

"Oh, S/O..."

He was looking again. It felt like a reassurance initially when it first came up in 1-3, like things were only going to get better from there, but that sprite seemed to have the opposite effect on that late night.

"You've played enough of the game. You should know."

"The theories in my head are more than impossible right now. You- You're not real. You're just a character."

"Ouch... what about edgeworth and maya?"

"Also characters! What the fuck, just-just explain this already!" They leaned into the computer, slamming their palms down as they took of the paper guard. phoenix -or whatever (...whoever?) That was, shook his head.

"Well, since you've done that... i might aswell state the obvious."

S/O leaned back with a hitched breath and frozen fingertips, awaiting anything but the truth.

"We're all living beings beyond your screen, S/O. Not hackers, nor ghosts. We're alive. And theres a whole world in here."

He was smiling again. S/O was not. Frozen in place, any heat drained from their body led them only to feel the radiation off their laptop.

"I'll keep in touch, hell if I don't-I won't, S/O. I won't."

S/O stayed silent, just taking it all in.

"And hey, maybe one day we could even meet face to face - no more pixels..."

How would that be possible? Something felt wrong just begond the light as the side glancing smile seemed to grow more earnest, but even more so creepy.

"how would that sound? Again, I'll keep in touch. Talk to you later. It's late after all. You really ought to take care of yourself..."

"but I don't mind. I can do it for you if need be."

(Whoops i didnt mean to write this much but uh... heck. I guess i have brainrot. Sorry mod miles /lh i took some of the ideas this au has slowly gathered and just slammed it together.)

I-

🌌Anon this is amazing!!! The way you've taken some of the ideas we've all shared and run on your own to make this is marvellous. I can really feel S/O's fear right here, plus the horror vibe this is giving is beautiful yandere content.

I uh-

Phoenix can take care of me if he wants to 😂😂😂😂😂 also I would be happy for Edgeworth to vie for my attention at any and all times of the day.

Honestly, everything that you anons have sent me is so brilliant and now this has been made from all of the amazing ideas and this is amazing and every single one of you guys are just so amazing.

Am I crying because of the community spirit on this blog? Yes!!!

Do not apologise to me ever for sending in such beautiful writing, I would genuinely pay good money to read this.

[colorisbyshe]

Stephanie can you tell me if it’s normal to have finished both the unt4med and md zs (censoring bc I don’t remember how tagging works on tumblr and I don’t want anything seemingly negative I might say to make people come and bother you) and have found the romance aspect of the story to be the least interesting thing ?

I think WW is an extraordinary character and his story was so epic. Granted I didn’t like the writing at all in the book. And I was so captured by his motivations and his actions, but seeing how people talked about the love story online I was expecting to be blown away and instead… it kind of fell flat imo? Like I found LW to be kind of boring in how his character was executed, mostly because I couldn’t really see his thoughts, and I found WW’s relationship with him to change too abruptly from one kind of relationship to another. Like, compared to WW’s relationship to his siblings, that made me cry on several occasions, for how tragic and epic LW’s actions are , they didn’t evoke that much of an emotion in me. Like, fuck JC honestly but at the same time there’s something so brutal and tragic and captivating about what happens between him and WW.

Idk. The story is absolutely fantastic but I feel weird because I feel like I appreciated completely different things from what the majority of the fans liked instead.

Idk what "normal" in this context means or why you would feel weird about... having a different takeaway from a piece of media?

Like, I don't understand why anyone would have a concern about what is "right" or "wrong" to like about a piece of media. Like, if you were missing the messaging of the series or idk ignored important themes to focus on a weird background ship or whatever, sure, I guess that's "wrong" but... I don't understand the need to be validated for not caring about a certain character or character dynamic? Like the series however you choose. There's... no wrong way to do it. And even if there WAS a wrong way to do it, comparing yourself to this particular fandom... like... there's no need to compare yourself to most of these people. A lot of MDZS/CQL fans are utter freaks.

But getting to the brunt of your question. Idk man.

I liked WWX/LWJ and I liked LWJ as a character. I actually really, really enjoyed that they don't just get together JUST because they like each other's personalities and how they mesh or JUST because they are equals in a world where most people come up short when compared to them but VERY much because they understand and support each other ideologically and are willing to risk the same things to achieve their ideological goals.

The fact that they connect not just emotionally or physically but also mentally and philosophically is something that is missing in a LOT of romance plotlines. It's not "circumstance brought us together and now we're trauma bonded" (which is certainly great in a lot of cases, ngl) but just this larger calling.

We get to see them flirt and be shy and be silly, the way teenagers are. But we get to see them be torn apart and then back together not just ~because of circumstance awww~ but because of a genuine betrayal where no one is really at fault, it's just because of how society functions. Their relationship heavily reflects and feeds into the themes of the story and their own character arcs while letting them be their own people with their own arcs.

I think a few bits of how their relationship is executed is perhaps a bit sloppy, especially if the manhua is properly reflecting what happens in the novel, and I think "ACTUALLY I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU" being almost verbatim dialogue during the violent climax of the story is both lazy and cringe but... their overall arc was really well done.

I think in general, the strengths of weaknesses of MDZS (not necessarily CQL) is that MXTX has great ideas and a few great points of executions but REALLY struggles with the minutiae. I think this is true of the story at large but I'm a lot more forgiving of the minutiae sometimes lacking in LWJ/WWX because... well... the story isn't about them.

They are a reflection of the story but the story exists on a much, much larger scale than their romance. (Or implied romance, when it comes to CQL.)

I'm fine with that, though. In most of the moments that count, the execution is great and the total arc is believable, enjoyable, and developed at a fairly even pace, outside of some jumps.

[deadendtracks]

can you share any advice for writing something with topics that make you extremely uncomfortable? + do you think certain books should be censored or regulated? i feel like people don't want to explore the darker more horrifying parts of the human experience nowadays.

I don't feel that anything I've written is all that dark in the grand scheme of things (especially not compared to things I've read in the past), but you're right that darker fiction seems to be out of fashion/'problematic' these days so maybe it's comparatively dark.

The thing is 'uncomfortable' is a broad term. Writing porn at all made me extremely uncomfortable at first, because I had never written anything explicit. Writing about anything that is pushing your boundaries of skill or knowledge can also make you uncomfortable. I was so intimidated to start writing PB fic at first because I didn't know anything about the time period and history and felt like I'd get everything really wrong. This isn't the same as feeling unsafe in a psychological way, though.

Writing something with topics that make you extremely uncomfortable has to be something you feel, idk, compelled to do or feel you need to express and will get value out of personally, otherwise the discomfort you're inflicting on yourself seems harmful to me.

I think it's ok to sit with that discomfort, though, if it's not actively harmful to you. Being uncomfortable is not the same as being in danger, and telling the difference between those two is important if you're tackling topics that feel risky to you.

Though I have no problem with anyone who does, I've never set out to intentionally write something dark/uncomfortable for the sake of it -- it's more that this is where the story or writing or characters have taken me. And at some point you make a choice, I think -- do I want to keep going with this or not. Sometimes it's less of a conscious choice and you write something and realize afterwards oh, this is pretty uncomfortable. That's more complicated. Writing, like any art form, can tap into your sub/unconscious and express things you're not consciously thinking about or intending or know about yourself. I've certainly had themes or repetitive patterns come up in my writing (some not even 'dark') where I'm like 'hm, wonder what that means' and it's up to you whether you want to explore that further. But you should also know this is totally normal for creative work. It's just part of the process.

So as far as advice goes, I'd say that if your writing is taking you to a place that makes you uncomfortable, but you see value in it, go for it. With the caveat that you should keep yourself safe -- if the act of writing harms you or causes you to plunge into a mentally unsafe place it's not worth it. And you may want to have professional help in this case, where perhaps exploring those ideas can be done in a supported way.

I don't see writing something uncomfortable as inherently 'self harm' as some people have claimed. Writing through your trauma can be important or cathartic, and obviously not all writing that is uncomfortable is about trauma. But I do think monitoring how safe you are while you do it is important. If it's making you suicidal or self-harm in actual physical ways, etc, that's a sign it's not safe for you to do right now. That may change! But I would suggest keeping an eye on yourself.

I am going to leave the issue of warnings/tags and whether something *should* be written out of this post, because you have asked for advice on writing. I personally view a) keeping yourself safe and b) expressing yourself to be the important points to consider here.

For me, often the writing itself isn't necessarily the most uncomfortable part, no matter how dark or fucked up -- it's the act of posting. That's when I get more nervous. Because you become aware of your writing from the outside and start to think about how it will be received or how people will think about you for writing it. This is probably a separate but related point to your original question, but it's definitely part of the internal calculus you might be faced with while writing. Suddenly being like 'oh, this is fucked up, what will people think' can definitely kill your writing flow and put you into writer's block. Sometimes *that's* the source of the discomfort, more than the actual material you're writing about.

Other people have expressed experiencing distress about what this kind of writing *means* about themselves and what kind of person they are for writing it, but this is not something I have personally struggled with, so I don't have advice there. Just wanted to acknowledge it, though. I don't know if this makes me particularly weird or compartmentalized, but it's just not an issue for me.

So another piece of advice: should that question come up for you while writing something uncomfortable but you want to continue writing -- try to put that question out of your mind. You can tell yourself you'll make the decision about whether to make something public when you're done writing and editing, if that helps.

Sometimes it can feel like just the act of writing something down makes it public, like people will *know* you've written something messed up. They really won't! You don't ever have to post it! But there are going to be people for whom that messed up thing you worry about posting will really strike a chord with, so hopefully that will be part of your decision making process when it comes time to think about posting. The views of the people who your fic will resonate with are just as valid as the opinions of the people who will judge you for it (if not more), but we can forget those people exist when worrying about posting. Obviously the personal safety issue is larger with the people who might have a negative opinion of you, in the current toxic fandom environment. Again I want to emphasize keeping yourself safe.

You can post on AO3 as "anonymous"! That is an option that I would encourage for anyone who doesn't want to attach even a pseud to something they've written. Chances are people out there will want to read it, no matter how fucked up.

I don't know if that was helpful, feel free to send a followup if you have more specific questions about it!

This got really long, sorry I am not a concise person. As for your last question, no, I don't believe certain books should be censored or regulated in general, but that's a complex topic on its own that requires nuance (who gets to make that call, about what books, what do we mean by censored or regulated, how do we plan to put it into practice in reality, etc) and I'm not really prepared to get into a big debate about it on tumblr, so I'll just leave it at that.

[ladyfeldspar]

By the power vested in me by my RNG, I give you...

6x09: Free Hat (aka the reason I broke the second disc of Season 6)

This is hella long, sorry not sorry.

Some days I think season 6 is my favorite season.

Tweek standing behind the other three at the SP sign will never cease to make me happy. <3

I hate ET because I think he's a creepyass little alien and I don't appreciate seeing him first thing in this episode. 😂

Okay but I love when Kyle's saying, "...to make ET more PC," he's doing little air quotes with his one hand, like:

Stan: "That's gay." Back when saying things like that was only mildly offensive and wouldn't cause riots.

I've never seen Saving Private Ryan, and I know that it's said that it can be really triggering for people who have actually been to war and everything and I don't want to diminish that in any way, but whatever I paused on here looks like some kind of nether realm squid ghost monster and it's amazing.

I love the progression of their expressions here: angry, unimpressed, concerned, and "why is this happening?!"

And they're all so excited for Star Wars, that's the cutest fricking thing! I would love to see Tweek and Craig watching Star Wars together, just try and tell me that wouldn't be adorable!

ALL OF THEM ARE SO MAD! I fucking love when Tweek gets the little angry eyebrows.

I will never ever not want to hug him whenever I see Tweek shiver like crazy while the other kids just stand perfectly still.

The message in this episode is actually so good though. "Movies are art and art shouldn't be messed with!"

"Yeah we could form a club that takes food stamps from poor people and then we could sell them back to the government for a profit!" Tweek’s face here is priceless.

Poor Tweek. There's kind of a pattern in these episodes where multiple times he tries to stand up for himself or walk away from the main kids, but Cartman bullies him into staying and it just breaks my heart. As opposed to Craig in the Pandemics who's just like, "Fuck this." And as much as I adore all of the S6 Tweek episodes, I'm really glad he didn't stay hanging out with them for any longer and that he went back to the group of guys that are actually his friends. <3

"I'm not, I'm not a team player!" 😭 That being said, I could listen to Tweek talk all day.

"You have to offer fabulous prizes if you want people to show up to your stupid crap!" is just the S6 version of, "More people will come if they think we'll have punch and pie!" 😂

Stan: "Tweek, you go make fifty hats." Look, okay, I don't hate Stan, all right, but what the hell dude, go make your own hats! Why would you give the anxious kid a big responsibility like that!? At least have Kyle help him or something. Like you say you need to get the gymnasium ready which means what, make a banner and set up some chairs? And you're telling me you couldn't have split up the making of the hats? Jesus Christ.

(Yeah, okay, I know, chill out, they're 8.)

I posted this on my Tumblr before, so I'm not going to do it again, but that TINY LITTLE SHRIEK THAT TWEEK DOES after his dad says his name. I just. Literally. Die. Of cuteness. Every single time. It's my favorite Tweek shriek of the entire show, hands down.

On another note, his bedroom is so empty in this episode compared to in Tweek x Craig! I wonder what changed between here and then.

Tweek being able to calm himself down with some meditation is honestly so cute. And look at his happy place! I would love to have this on a shirt or a bag or just like as a piece of art hanging on my wall or something.

Cartman's giant face showing up there. 😂 I remember the first time I saw this episode that actually startled me so much.

"I was up, all night, making hats! I only slept for an hour- and then I DREAMT about making hats! But I only made fifteen!" - This has been one of my favorite lines since forever. I make it my status on things a lot and then everyone asks me why I was making hats all night. 😂

I love Stan's expression here.

"I don't have nearly 1000 hats!" "They're gonna kick your ass, Tweek!" 😡😡😡

Look at this shot! It really looks like Stan is the only one remotely concerned about Tweek's well-being here.

We get so much of Tweek yanking on his hair in this episode. </3

How am I less than five minutes into this and I have talked this much?

The townspeople are literally so stupid. Good job, Skeeter.

Stan makes good speeches when he wants to. Although, you know, you shouldn't make promises without fully knowing what you're doing.

Only Tweek would think going on a TV show is terrible news. (Just kidding. I agree with you, Tweek.)

I've never understood the "1-2-3, dibs!! "Knee!" thing. Like I know what dibs is, but where I come from knees were never involved.

Typical Cartman. I feel so bad for Tweek, but I love when he looks down to see "Advocate of Toddler Murder" underneath him. Cartoon logic is the best logic.

There's also a lot of good Tweek shrieks here too.

"It's easy!?" "Yes... It is easy."

"We believe that films have to be taken away from people like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas because they're insane." The way Kyle matter-of-factly delivers this line kills me every time.

They honestly made SS and GL look so creepy. 😂

I like that Cartman's voice kind of cracks when he's like, "That's Steven Spielberg and George Lucas!"

Someone just let Tweek go home, please!

"Uh, we thought we were speaking for the children." "Yeah, we're children."

"I'm not a Jew!" 😂 Thank you, George Lucas.

Okay, full disclosure, when I first saw this I hadn't seen Raiders of the Lost Ark and I didn't get the big deal. 😂 But I do now!!!

"He...killed 23 babies in self-defense?" "Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked by a gang of babies in West Town Park. When that many babies get together they can be like pirahna!" 😂 I say this all the time.

Skeeter. 😂 Honestly, you are no help at ALL.

Second time this episode Tweek tries to say no and walk away.

"People aren't that into you, Tweek. They find you kind of annoying." This is so meta because I remember people complaining all the time that Tweek was a one-note character and that he had nothing really to add to the show and I just want to say SUCK IT TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE BECAUSE LOOK HOW LOVED TWEEK IS NOW. Everyone who was on board the Tweek train from the very beginning say, "Cupcakes!" 😂<3

These kids, man. I love that it’s so easy for them to just get into all these places.

"Get it, Tweek!" "Huh-uh!" I love the way Tweek says no. But, I mean, AGAIN, he tries to say no and Cartman bullies him. I don't think he ever really wanted to be in their group in the first place. I think they picked him arbitrarily in Professor Chaos because they saw him as weaker than them, and then Cartman just didn't let him quit.

The little debate about melting his icy heart with a cool island song is also something I quote often. AND THEIR LITTLE OUTFITS! I love that Tweek's is green and pink! I don't know what the hell is going on with the sleeves on everyone else's though.

"Those rams can do to us what they will, Mr. Lucas." 😂

Oh, George Lucas. You were so close to being a hero.

Stan: "Fuck you Steven Spielberg!" I've watched this censored so many times that hearing it uncensored is so fricking satisfying.

RUN TWEEK RUN!!!

The walkie talkies are such a nice touch. 😂

"The one with the cocaine problem escaped, Mein Director."

Mannn, I miss when they used to throw live action "commercials" into the episodes like this. This also is from the time where I was like hella attracted to Trey Parker so seeing his face is always welcome. 😂

"We always meant to have Imperial Walkers and giant Dewback lizards in the background, but simply couldn’t afford it."

Oh my God, I'm always so proud of Tweek for talking to this huge crowd of people and trying to get them to help him! His little talking through his teeth, like, "We are not talking about Hat right now, okay?!" He's trying so hard!

"Oh God, I'm gonna have to do this myself! Oh, God!" just breaks my heart! YOU CAN DO IT, TWEEK! 13 seasons from now you'll have someone who helps you believe in yourself, just hang on!

Tweek with the bazooka, oh my gosh, always makes me so happy. I can't tell you how much I wanted him to just blow them all the fuck up the first time I saw this.

"All I want are my friends. Except for Cartman, you can keep him." YEAH, TWEEK!

I hate that Steven Asshole Spielberg manages to talk enough crap to make Tweek hesitate. He was so close! I wonder how he would have felt if he actually did it though, Maybe it's better he didn't? It might have made his anxiety worse if he actually blew people up now that I think about it.

"In the tropical isles with the coconut trees, the air is fresh and the people are free, but here in the mountains there's no freedom like that, there's a man in prison and his name is Hat!" This gets stuck in my head so often.

It makes it so much better having actually seen Raiders, especially for this part. I honestly thought the melting faces was just a South Park thing but nope.

I also really love what they look like turned away with their eyes closed too. <3

Like what even is going on in this scene. 😂

Oh my God, okay, and I know that Hat is a terrible person and I want to clarify just in case, I do not think killing babies is funny, but just the way that baby crawls up the person's arm to avoid getting passed to Hat is always so so funny to me and I can never explain why.

Tweek being the only one to be appropriately horrified by the fact that Hat is being given a baby.

"Sometimes the things we do don't matter right now. Sometimes they matter later. We have to care more about later sometimes, you know? I think that's what separates us from the Steven Spielbergs and George Lucases of the world." This is still so relevant.

The ending of this episode is also so much better after actually seeing Raiders. 😂

And we close off with a 9/11 joke. Perfection, Matt and Trey, thank you & goodnight.