#that's not fair to either of us

[bogunicorn]

cw for talk about weight, food, disordered eating, mental health, suicidal feelings (but only a little)

i am no longer the heaviest i've ever been.

i weighed myself... at some point earlier this year. the months are such a blur i honestly don't know. but i definitely was, at some point in 2023, 386 or 389 pounds, and i had a big breakdown about almost being 390 which is almost 400, because i've got it in my brain that 400lbs is some kind of moral point of no return or something. (it is not. if you're reading this and you're 400lbs+, please don't use my feelings about my own body as a judgement on yours. my depression and self-dislike is not a reflection on other people and does not mean that i'm actively judging other people. it just means that i, personally, am very physically uncomfortable and unwell. i hate that i feel like i need a disclaimer in this part but i know how sticky this is and i want to be extra careful. good? good.)

anyway, i weighed myself today just for the fuck of it, and i'm 379. so now i don't get to use "i'm the fattest i've ever been" to bludgeon myself with. granted, i've lost that weight by Being Poor and Depressed, basically; i've developed, like... just kind of an apathy. i don't have cravings, i no longer have the urge to binge, i don't get anxious or sad when i don't feel like finishing my food anymore (which was often the cause of binging, the feeling that if i don't finish my food i'm wasting it and therefore Bad and Stupid).

i've talked to my wife, because we're grocery shopping today or tomorrow, and i've decided to try going gluten- and dairy-free again. if i don't really care what i'm eating, i might as well eat healthier and be kinder to my insides. right now i'm literally only eating gluten and dairy because it's easy to get my hands on and i've been avoiding food until i'm actually sick, not because i want to eat it, and it's just doing nasty things to my stomach.

i also have a GP appointment in february and want to talk about food sensitivities, because i'm sick all the time. i ordered a new blank journal just to track my food and my stomach issues and menstrual stuff. no measurements, no calorie-counting, no concentrated attempts to lose weight. i want the best possible medical advice when i see my doctor, and have 6 months of information when i get there will really help, i think.

usually when i'm like "i'm gonna get healthy", it feels like this massive chore and i'm very put upon about it and resentful about giving things up. but i don't really feel like that this time? food feels neutral, finally. the idea of giving up gluten/dairy and then using that as an excuse not to snack is strangely comforting? i have to be careful that i don't swing the other way into complete avoidance, but that's what the tracking is for. i also saved some food prep containers on my amazon wishlist to buy when i have money.

i feel like some part of my brain just, like, snapped and went, "you can get your shit together or you can kill yourself but you have to pick one." and i want to be happier. i want to live. so i guess i'm getting my shit together.

I also deleted all my diet and fasting apps. that's a firm boundary I need to set for myself. no calorie tracking, no deliberate fasting.

[autisticrosewilson]

Just saw someone get pissy because "people in Gotham would have PTSD from Red Hood killing their family members just for being criminals".

Are you fucking stupid? I'm not joking do you have a brain eating parasite lodged in your skull?

When he's written correctly he's explicitly only targeting the people at the top. The crime lords, people who lace their drugs, traffickers, rogues. He isn't just breaking the necks of random crooks. We're talking about a kid who grew up stealing to survive, whose father died doing crimes to provide for them.

To call Jason being compassionate for small scale criminals and not a trigger happy psycho "fanon" or a "headcanon" puts your literacy into question at best and makes you look like an asshole at worst, especially when you put it in the main tag and don't bother to put it in the "Anti Jason Todd" or "Jason Todd critical" or "Jason Todd salt" or even "Jason Todd bashing". See that collection of easily blockable tags so I don't have to see your utter fucking nonsense on my dash?

They also said they don't think Jason cares about crime prevention at all and was just an angsty teen rebelling. Like tell me you didn't even fucking read Under the Red Hood without telling me.

[dirtytransmasc]

atwow hot take:

if jake had said his "son for a son" shit out loud and spider had heard him, he would have been so beyond pissed, he would be seeing red.

spider loved his little siblings so much, neteyam included, even after they grew apart. he loved them like they were his own blood and protected them like they were too (we see a lot more of them together in the comics, where spider is the big brother without a doubt). neteyam's death most certainly rocked him hard, even if he hasn't really been able to show it (how could he? he's already going through all the shit with his dad and the RDA and their nonsense, he can't grieve around neytiri, he's just so tired after it all. he doesn't have the room or the energy to grieve yet)

so if jake had the audacity to say that to/around spider not even a few hours after he watched his little brother get shot after coming to save him, after he stared at the bullet hole in his back, after he watched him take his last breaths, after he watched the light leave his eyes, after he watched his little brother die for him; if he said that while his little brother's body lay in a pool of his own blood not even ten feet away, not even cold yet, blood still clinging to his chest, the scent of it still filling the air: he would have lost his shit.

because the disrespect for his brother is wild.

jake was an active player in spider's neglect and abuse for the last 16 years, he let it happen, he helped it happen. he tried to send spider with the humans, tried to take him away from his siblings, from the forests, from eywa to live with his foster family that didn't love him (not to mention Nash was an asswipe of epic proportions) and the RDA of all people. he had referred to spider as a stray animal since he was little. he was the reason spiders life was hell.

and after all that, years and years of putting him in shit positions and allowing him to suffer the fate of being forever unloved and uncared for (by an adult authority figure, cause I love the kids, but they don't make up for the gap left by a parent), this is what it took for jake to care about him? his little brother had to die in front of him first? he had to be traded out to fill the space of a corpse, to fill in the gap left by his little brother's death?

in canon, spider was in deep in shock with nothing to break him from it, he wasn't in the place to really think about any of it, and I'm sure we're gonna see this anger in the coming movies, but if jake had said it out loud, that would have been enough to snap spider right out of it, and he would have given jake a piece of his mind, I just know it.

[seleneprince]

The more I go over Rhysand and Tamlin's interactions in the books the more it seems to me that Rhysand acts like Tamlin's scorned ex that can't accept he's moved on from him. Like, not even Feyre thinks so much about him and she's the actual ex, the one Tamlin hurt deeply.

And yet, we have Rhysand going out of his way to torment Tamlin and insert himself in his life when the man doesn't even spare him a thought, as far as we know.

[helielune]

people come and people go, but i stay (ghostride)

[goldlightsaber]

i think about these shots a normal amount

[relaxxattack]

every time someone calls moirallegience just an alien qpr i wilt a lil like YEAH thats more or less the CLOSEST human thing but its also Literally Not That. like a qpr is fundanmentally not romantic and thats not even going into moirails whole Actual Purpose of calming ppl down. its just. aughhhhh pisses me off i see the confusion but, as aformentioned, aughhhhh

OH MY GOD THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME TOO.... but i don't want to get petty at the people in my notes always saying "moirails are QPRs!" because in some ways that is the closest human thing so it's hard to be mad...

i think there's definitely some overlap in some ways. but NOT because moirallegiance and qprs are the same at all really, but INSTEAD because both relationships have unconventional boundaries defined by the people within them.

you know... like every relationship.

like the only reason the two have overlap is because they are both partnerships that emotionally care for each other but can choose to not bang (which is true for any romance anyway, even if it's considered abnormal). they're both just romances* that are unconventional to human norms, which makes people view them as the same thing when they're not.

i think the REAL issue here is that humans insist on using human words to understand things that are just, fundamentally, alien. can't we just appreciate alien romance for being... alien romance?

no, it's not platonic, it's romantic. it's just romantic in a way you aren't quite wired to understand, is all.

*in generalization, most QPRs are not romantic, because they are made up of aroaces who are life partners in a non-romantic way. however i want to disagree with you that none of them are romantic, because that is up to the partners in question.

[nebulo-philiac]

Browsing the megastar tag is so funny because there's always one or few posters with "PROSHITTERS DNI" on all the posts and it always amuses me like ah yes, megastar, the most universally healthy relationship dynamic in all of tf and definitely not problematic and absolutely not considered a proship by 80% of the fandom

[optiwashere]

Huh, I didn't even realize it'd been a year since BG3 came out until I opened tumblr this morning. Kinda wild. I didn't think much of the game's release: I like Larian's games, and I like the BG series. I wasn't ever going to skip the game, but I didn't think I'd play it at launch because I was busy working on a novel in 2023 and not doing well financially.

Thankfully, circumstances left me with a little bit of extra money last year just before launch and it meant I could spend on a video game. I needed a pick-me-up after said 2023 novel failed to go anywhere, and BG3 was right there. Like most CRPGs, I played it in basically every moment of free time that I had and did as much as I possibly could in one playthrough.

It's so odd how these small happenstances can snowball into coming back to fandom, finding some friends I might've never met otherwise, and writing a lot of fanfiction along the way. I'll probably have something more interesting to say/share when it's the 14th, AKA when I sat down and wrote my first fic for this fandom.

Anyways, it's been a lot of fun and I'm looking forward to more years to come 💜

[tj-crochets]

Hey y’all! I am once again attempting to help my dad identify an animal he saw on a walk (the last one turned out to be a woodchuck despite him describing it exactly like a pine marten lol) What kind of duck has a bright red head and a mostly white body? He described it as “bright red where a mallard is green”

[cherriegyuu]

this whole newjeans things is just so weird… why do they keep taking a bullet for min hee jin? why is a grow ass woman hiding behind teenagers?

[non-plutonian-druid]

look guys i actually did some spirit designs

[ID: the Hargreeves' spirits in the Paranatural au - or at least, the five of them that are kids in this au.

Luther's is an ape that looks like his body from the comics. Diego's is a creature that looks a bit like a small porcupine. Allison's is a large snake with its mouth duct taped shut. Klaus' is a blue raccoon with three eyes and a pink tail, and Viktor's is based off of the White Violin from the comics, except its head transforms into reaching arms. End ID.]

sorry, the ID got REALLY long this time. that's a summary for anyone scrolling, theres a more detailed one under the cut!

[ID: Luther's spirit is labelled First Simian In Space: THE MARTIAN APE. He looks like the ape that supplied Luther's body in the comics, drawn in the paranatural style; blue, with one eye. He is wearing an astronaut helmet and sitting in a coin operated rocket ship that is much too small for it. He has transformed the world around him into a scifi martian landscape; cardboard standups with doors and lockers scribbled on them are the only indication of the real world. Luther is sprawled on the ground staring in shock, while the Martian Ape says "Y'know, you should totally just kill your dad".

Diego's spirit is a very small creature that looks a bit like a porcupine.

Panel 1: Diego holds his spirit in his hands and says, "So, what's your name?". His spirit responds "I am called..."

Panel 2: A caption appears; Projectile Extraordinaire: KRAKEN. The image is in full color, focusing on Kraken, which glowers cutely and shows off her spines.

Panel 3: The same shot as panel one, except Diego now looks very skeptical. He says "..." and then "Why." Kraken responds "It sounded cool."

Allison's spirit is a giant green snake coiled around a tree branch, with a pattern down his back that looks like open mouths.

The first two images are centered on Allison, who is scowling in both. Someone unseen says "It can force people to do things, honey!" and "It's too dangerous to leave you alone with it." and finally, "So we fixed it."

The final image is of the spirit. He is captioned Muzzled Mind Controller: THE RUMOR. His mouth has been duct taped shut. He does not look pleased.

Klaus' spirit is a blue raccoon with dark purple legs and a fluffy striped pink tail. It also has three eyes.

Panel 1: The large colored closeup of Klaus' spirit. It is captioned Mystical Conartist: THE SEANCE.

Panel 2: Klaus asks it "With a name like that, what's your power?" The Seance, its nose just high enough to fit into frame, replies, "Oh, I can sense ghosts"

Panel 3: Klaus looks supremely unimpressed. In the background, a ghost says "Hi" to Allison and Luther, and they say "Oh, hey" back.

Panel 4: Klaus asks, "Seriously?"

Panel 5: The Seance, viewed from above, says "Hey, I can sense them even when they're not visible! Like behind walls and stuff!"

Panel 6: The Seance adds "Also I can float." It is demonstrating, floating about eye level with Klaus and emitting a cloud of cyan spectral energy as it does so. Klaus looks more pleased with this and says "Okay, that one's pretty good."

Viktor's spirit is a Wight, a spirit so warped by rage and pain that it has permanently been changed, its spectral energy has become white, and has gained massive, devastating power. It looks a lot like the design of the White Violin in the comics, but it manifests too many or too few arms from where its head should be.

There are three images of it. In the first, it is kneeling. It has manifested six arms in varying degrees of completeness, and all of them look sad.

In the second, the matter of its head has split into many small pieces that almost look like parts of mouths, save for two clawing hands. It screams, in the Wight spirit language from Paranatural, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME.

In the third, the largest, its knees buckle as it stands and manifests one reaching hand. It is captioned Violent White: THE WHITE VIOLIN. End ID]

[elizakai]

gahdamn being in a fandom for close to ten years makes a bitch forget vital canon information

[arcadiii]

This isn’t a post I want to make but if I’ve blocked you or someone you know, this usually isn’t personal. I do this to curate my own online experience, such as avoiding triggering content or images. If I’ve blocked you, it’s absolutely not okay to then follow me to other platforms such as AO3 to comment slurs or insults on either my fics or my friends. That behaviour isn’t okay, and it’s not healthy for either you or me so please respect my boundaries. Thank you!

[0vergrowngraveyard]

sitting in my little corner of “as much as i love love love prime bros, i also love the idea of nine being a character to fought so hard to get something, anything, and in the end, he got nothing”

i love me a tragic character who fought so hard to get his happy ending but never did because life just wasn’t fair to him

the cards weren’t in his favor and he lost

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

whatever you do, don't think about how lana saw herself in edgeworth, ok? don't think about how she wanted to distance herself from him the moment they met because he could possibly see through the sl-9 plan and ruin everything, but she couldn't because he was kind, if not a little awkward, to her terrified sister in a case where everyone else's only concern was securing a conviction. don't think about how she brought ema to the prosecutor's office (because she damn well wasn't going to let her sister face this alone) with her hackles raised and her defences bolstered because she'd heard about the "demon prosecutor" and his ways just to realise he's nothing but a young man, trying his best to survive under the weight of his mentor's shadow and ensure justice is served by whatever means he can. don't think about how she felt later, when she was under gant's thumb and knew for a fact that all those rumours surrounding von karma's perfect record were, in fact, true and that he was using edgeworth's faith in him to fulfill his own goals. don't think about how she felt when she had to begin doing the same. or what must have gone through her head when she entered her office one morning to find a case approval form waiting for her on her desk: the state v. miles edgeworth. don't think about how she knew, once she saw the name of the prosecutor assigned to his case, that she was signing his death warrant. don't imagine what she rehearsed saying to his sister or her realisation, after his miraculous survival, why he had been so understanding of her own. don't wonder, as she did, ineffectually, if it was his competence or her fondness for him that led to his car and knife being chosen to cover goodman's murder — a second attempt at his permanent removal — and whether it was affection or guilt that made her stand by the corpse, waiting readily to be caught in his stead. don't think about how she finds out, eventually, that he is gone, in a jail cell so far from remorse, gratitude and closure that she can only sit and turn in her head distorted thoughts about luck and fortuitous third chances. don't.