#that's like if you get really violently ill and you text your friend like ''hey i am throwing up constantly and i feel like shit... help..''

[psychological-musings]

Honestly I think this could have used an extra button for "No; I've helped people cope with suicidal ideation before, but I never felt guilted/coerced into it" based on a lot of responses in the notes. (Obviously the submitter can't think of every possible poll outcome, I'm not trying to say it's bad that the option isn't here— just that it's an interesting conclusion that that's a pretty common thing people are saying)

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[flowingivy]

Cut by Thorns

CW- domestic violence, swearing, slight graphic description.

Chapter 1

"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW." You screamed at the tall man, who was previously hitting and yelling at you. "ITS ALL YOUR FAULT Y/N" the loud crash of plates being thrown against wall echoed threw the apartment. You were finally able to shove the big man out of the apartment and locked the door. "IF YOU DONT LEAVE ILL CALL THE FUCKING COPS." Silence for the first time in multiple hours. Silence.

Noise dripping with blood caused by the man you called for boyfriend for almost a year. Things started off really good. He was sweet, took you out of dates. Made sure you were always happy. On a normal day, he was in the shower and his phone buzzed on the bed. That day everything fell apart. Cheater. Lier. Fake.

After finding out that he had been cheating on you for a large portion of your relationship, he got violent, but it wasn't ever physical until now. Sitting on the floor, crying your heart out. The man you once knew was gone. Stomping to the bedroom you shared just earlier that day. You grabbed a trash bag and threw all his shit into it. Rushing to the balcony and throwing it all off the third story of the building.

You called your closest friend. The girl you've been close with for years. The only one who has never done you wrong. Your ride or die. Kate. She has always been protective over you. Never wanted to leave your side. When you met the girl she was drunk at the bar. Complaining about work and the large amount of men she lived with. You took her home and made sure she was safe. Sometimes friends come when you least expect it.

After that night, Kate would come over every single Friday and have what you both liked to call a girls night. A glass of wine and talking about how shitty work has been. Along with her frequently bring up the men she worked with. Which Kate also lived with. Not knowing what she did for work. You tried to be as supportive as possible. Kate always hated your now ex boyfriend. In her words he was a free loader so once she heard about the series of events of just minutes ago.

She was livid and angry. You're the one person she genuinely cared for as a person. Well on the phone with the furious women. You heard her talk to someone. Probably her roommates. "hey y/n? Is it okay if I go for about half an hour?. I'll be over as soon as I can. Just text me if he comes back okay?" You whip the tears from your eyes "yeah that's okay. I'm gonna go take a shower. Just come in when you get here." The phone hangs up.

You go back to the room and grab a pair of men's stripped boxers and a large black shirt. Turning the water on to the hottest setting and wait for it to heat up. You turn on your favorite music and start to wash up. Getting all the crimson blood off your face and hands.

Knock knock.

You hop out of the shower, throw on your large clothes, and walk to the door of your very spacious apartment. Opening the door, you were met with four faces. Three you have never seen before. Kate immediately hugged you and grabbed your shoulders tight. "Oh my god. Y/n your face is so bruises." You flinch at the sudden touch. "Kate, who are these guys?" You say in a soft tone, always sounding scared.

"Oh yeah! This is Brian" pointing to a tall blonde man with slight stubble and a bright yellow hoodie and ripped jeans. "This is Tim" Kate pointed to a built man with side burns and a red flannel. "Last but not least, toby." Lastly pointing to a shorter boy but still taller then you. He had a black face mask on and a black turtle neck. "These are my roommate I've always told you about. They offered to give me a ride" You wave at the boys and smiled a bit. "The place it fucking trashed." You say with a bit of embarrassment.

"These pigs are probably worse." Kate jokingly rolls her eyes."fuck you." Toby thought he was quiet but kate had elbowed him in the side. Which he couldnt feel but got the hint. "Can we come in? I'll help you clean up y/n. " You move out of the way. Unveiling the trashed apartment. Glass all over the floor. The coffee table in the living room flipped over. "Oh god." Tim said under his breath, trying not to make y/n feel bad. "One person did this? Jesus." Brian said, looking towards you with concern written all over his face. What she went threw. None of them wished upon anyone. Ever.

Kate went under the sink and grabbed a trash bag. Picking up large pieces of glass and trash that was thrown around. "Kate, please, you don't have to.." You say with guilt in your voice. "Hey, hey, it's okay. You should just relax for right now. I'll make sure this place looks untouched when I'm done. After we can even go get food." Kate smiled slightly at you, trying to cheer you up.

"Fine.. but I'm paying for food. For all of us." You smiled back at the girl. Tim helping get trash off the floor. Toby whipped down the counter that had spilled pop on it. Kate now with a broom getting the rest of the glass. "Go get dressed so you don't look homeless!" Kate said in a joking tone. "Ok, mom," you giggled back. Walking to your room. Flipping on the light switch. You heard talking in the kitchen/ living room (they are connected). Not being able to understand what was being said, you got dressed into a pair of oversized ripped jeans. Along with a large black hoodie that had a large picture of Medusa on the back.

Walking out of the bedroom, you saw a fully clean apartment. It looked like your ex-boyfriend wasn't even there. It felt great. Being with Kate and the boys you just met. Felt comfortable, like as along as you had Kate. Nothing bad was going to happen to you. The men made you feel like they would have your back as long as Kate cared for you. As you walked to get your shoes. You felt three pairs of eyes on you. Watching your every move. You could get comfortable with not getting treated like shit by a man all the time. You could get used to having a man genuinely care about you as a person. Not an object.

"Are you ready to go y/n?"

A/N- this is my first book ever. I would love to hear suggestions🙏 next chapter will be out soon.

[yourturntosimp]

Hey i recently got into yttd and i absolutely ADORE your account. May i request a (yandere of course) shin hcs for when you talk back or blow up at him. Because he's very weak i imagine he wont be able to do any physical punishments. Like maybe he does some psychological torture?

(Any pronouns work!)

A/N: ok so we’ve all accepted atp that i’m an on-and-off writer and that part of the process is disappearing for months and coming back w a post, right? right, cool,,,,,anyways theres sm more i wanna add to this one bc i got inspo from a rlly good book + some good fics i found on ye olde quotev but my typing couldnt keep up w my brain <//3 

TWs: uhhhh idk, gaslighting, police mention, manipulation? Idk if ths what it is, isolation, violence/abuse mention, forced dependency, mental illness mention (idk if ths a tw but wvr), medication mention

💻tbh at first, he becomes a bit genuinely worried

💻i mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t expect you to not lash out at all

💻all healthy couples have little spats, from time to time! 

💻but a part of him kinda thought that he’d be able to keep you docile enough that you’d return his feelings, and this entire thing could be avoided :(

💻that paired with the fact that it was such an extreme reaction, too,,,,

💻all he did was “fix” your phone a bit so that your calls & texts wouldn’t go to anyone besides himself and any family that you have, is all!

💻but really, it was for your own good

💻if you could see all those mean things your ‘friends’ were saying about you, about your relationship in their other group chats? 

💻you would be devastated!

💻he was only helping you out a bit

💻seems like you’re kinda overreacting, it wasn’t that bad :////

💻yeah so once gaslight gatekeep girlboss goes out the window, he’s rlly left with no choice;

💻if you’re so angry at him, then leave!

💻go carry out your normal life before you met him!

💻Except with just one phone call, he’s got people all over town on the lookout for you, and actual help from law enforcement out of the question

💻after all, as far as the police & everyone else in town knows, you’re his poor poor darling, sick in the head, whose been refusing to take their medication for quite some time after suffering a traumatic incident

💻and you’ve suddenly run off! how tragic :(

💻and those blunt force trauma injuries that you “mysteriously” woke up with, after getting a bit too violent for his liking in the midst of your little outburst?

💻those aren’t helping your case <//3

💻so yyyyeah,,,,add nobody to believe you to the list of problems you currently have

💻even your family would be reluctant to take your word

💻after all, Shin is such a nice boy! And you haven’t been acting quite right, everyone’s worried for you, yknow??

💻you could never tell them that yeah, you’ve been acting weird because you’re basically being forced to stay with an obsessive stalker

💻they wouldn’t believe you before, they won’t believe you now

💻you can yell at him all you want, but at the end of the day, he’s the only person who you have

💻and even if you don’t want to accept that….well, you’ll come around eventually <3

[teacherintransition]

Ideals, Reality, Compromise?

“You can’t always get what you want…”

“…but you get what you need…”.* Sometimes

Ya got your high minded ideals; ya got your personal expectations and standards; ya got what you want(demand?) life to be like…then, you got what really happens. To quote the venerable Mick Jagger again you cry, “I says, "hey, you, get off of my cloud,”** when the unplanned happens. You realize that no man is an island, nor can you build walls high enough to keep out those events of reality that make you say, “oh shit!” Yes boys and girls for all of the high minded expectations and philosophies that you can crank out, you can’t fight city hall (i. e. the real world).

Case in point, Brent, moi, has the commandment: THOU SHALT NOT ENGAGE IN OLD MAN TALK. Old man talk is defined as: old man talk

/ˌōld ˈman/ /tāwk/

noun

1. 1. 
an elderly(MIDDLE AGED) male person’s self defeating dialogue that deals with aches and pains of his or any other acquaintance; illnesses or the keeping up with who has passed away

Oh it’s a reoccurring topic in these articles man, it just detracts from the harmonic vibrations dude. I avoid it. Unless it’s concerning immediate family, I don’t want to hear about who died, who is in the hospital, who contracted this disease or that one. It kills the chill. To be able keep such alerts at bay forever? No way, man…the world goes on in ways that pop your high ideals in the jaw. This occasional reminder hit me twice in one day Saturday. One of my friends of the Great Triumvirate alerted me via text that one of our friends from high school, a fellow member of a clandestine fraternal group to which we belonged, had passed away in his sleep. This particular person who had just left us, I had not literally spoken with since high school. It was a clear breech of the NO OLD MAN TALK PROTOCOLS! I lamented to my wife that I wish he hadn’t told me, because now I’d be down the rest of the day. I’m certain that by now you’ve picked up that my NO OLD MAN TALK standards border a bit on being somewhat of a selfish p***k at times. I can’t deny that. Later that evening, I’d be made aware of why maintaining strict adherence to that rule is not totally a good thing.

That night, my wife and I had gone to see a jammin’ blues band at the Granbury Live Theater. It was an awesome night. As we were leaving, my heart stopped and I froze in my tracks. Memories hit randomly and provide lessons to learn. As I’d mentioned were having a huge time at the show when my heart did it’s thing. A gentleman sitting in front of us looked like what my best friend, Fant Smart, I imagine would look like today if he hadn’t been stolen from us violently twenty years ago. He was gracious enough to take a picture and listen to my heartfelt tale. I thanked him and said, ”if you knew Fant you’d consider my compliment to be high praise indeed!”

It hit me as to why a complete keeping of the Old Man Talk Standard can do more harm than good. My spirit traveled instantly through the ethereal void and brought my good friend back, if only for a moment. The moment was magnificent and made me happy and …sad, again. I realized that the compromising of a standard or “ideal” needs to happen perhaps not for you, but for people around you who need momentary comfort and reassurance that loved ones are remembered and are valued. Taking a moment to let your guard down needn’t be just an exercise in self defeating melancholy. At its best, such remembrances, are a universal bonding of our need to belong and to be remembered. “What are the pains of this brief mortal life, but for legacy?”*** My friend who texted me earlier that day, simply wanted a token acknowledgment that though our mutual friend was gone, his place was not going to be soon forgotten. What’s the value of that? The emotional and spiritual magic that came my way took me back to my best friend now twenty years gone. Surely, I can allow myself a little discomfort to give some heartfelt reassurance that we were here and people care and remember that we were. I will live my days around positive thoughts and pleasant states of mind as often as possible, but a toast to fallen comrades can be indulged from time to time to grant to others what I seek myself.

This is a gift that I have, simple; a foolish

extravagant spirit full of forms, figures, shapes,

objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,

revolutions; these are begot in the ventricle of

memory, nourished in the womb of pia mater,

and delivered upon the mellowing of occasion.

William Shakespeare

*Jagger, Mick, Richards, Keith; Let It Bleed; Decca Recording UK.; 4 July, 1969

**Jagger Mick, Richards, Keith; December’s Children (and Everybody’s); Decca Recording UK; 25 October 1965

***Martin, George R.R.; Fire and Blood; Bantam Books; 20 November, 2018

[bokutobaes]

inarizaki boys when you have a bad day

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆-with: atsumu, suna, kita

☆-!warnings!: swearing, parental issues, parents fighting, (there’s nothing physically violent), illness like the flu

☆-a/n: yall these are longgg LOL sorry

☆- author: lu <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ atsumu:

-his baby had a bad day :((

-just kidding he didn’t notice at first I’m so sorry nzjsjjsj

-your lockers are nearby so he’s usually waiting for you there first thing in the morning

-you woke up today with a headache and you were just really tired from studying last night :/

-you wanted to suck it up because it was your own fault for leaving the studying until the night before the test you had

-anyways, you were walking up to your locker lowkey trying to avoid eye contact with him

-“hi tsumu :)” u fricken liar with that fake smile

-“morning babe!” atsumu pulled u in for a back hug “i have to get to class kinda early for a test review so i’ll see you at lunch”

-and with that he was pecking your cheek and leaving

-“okay.. kind of good” you thought.. you didn’t wanna worry him or anything so you headed to you first class, math

-hell literally broke loose.. you forgot your pencil case and had to ask like 4 people until you got one which was embarrassing

-AND THEN the teacher called on you for an answer that you didn’t know like the universe

was against you or something

-“uhh... ummm i don’t know..” headass😩

-the class after that was slightly less dehumanizing but it was also japanese class.. the class you had a test in that you just barely studied for

-you did the test and lost braincells, blood sweat and tears LOL

-“okay class these will be graded by lunchtime so please come by to collect your scores before your next class”

-ogey :/ anyways u went to ur next class and before u knew it, it was lunch time.

-a text from atsumu made your phone vibrate while on your way to get your test scores

-“hey babe im actually gonna eat lunch with samu we’re practicing a bit at lunch”

-oh :) ok :) that’s fine :) not like u :) desperately:) need a hug :) right now :)

-“oh okay babe” you text back

-whatever u don’t need him independent queen

-that’s your mindset.. until you get those test scores

-it’s a literal fail .. did not pass the test.. ok..

-“y/n san, these test scores were not your usual best. I’m slightly disappointed, if there’s anything going on please let me know”

-“thank you sensei. i’ll do better next time.

-at this point you were just tying not to cry so you took your test and shouldered your bag and walked to a bench outside for some fresh air.

-right.. you didn’t bring lunch today

-so now you were hungry, tired, defeated, disappointed and lonely :,(

-the last class of your day went by quickly probably because you were zoned out the whole time

-the end of the day came and you were at your locker when your guardian texted you

-“Y/n, you had that test today right? I’m expecting to see the grade when your back home. Didn’t have time to make food tonight so find something to eat on your way home.”

-oh that test ? lol hahaha the one that you failed?! yeah that one haha lol lollll

-so with that, you started your walk home

-“y/n!!”

-fuck. atsumu.

-if you saw him now you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears and you really didn’t want to cry

-so your solution? pretend you didn’t hear him and walk faster lmfaokdhdh

-but atsumu, being.. well atsumu, decided to just full speed sprint towards you to put his shoulder around you

-“i literally know you heard me. i missed you today sorry about lun- why are you crying ?!!?”

-“bad day” you choked out before a shuddering gasp wracked your chest

-atsumu didn’t say anything he just wrapped you in a tight hug, petting you hair while you cried into his chest

-“its okay babe.. “ :(

-“you wanna come over? we can get food and cuddle”

-you nodded your head taking a shaky breath

-his hand reached out and wiped your tears, brushed your hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead like it was natural to him.

-and so you walked together hand in hand to atsumu’s house where you ate samu’s leftover onigiri and vented to atsumu about the day while you cuddled

-he also gave you a hoodie :,)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ suna:

-“living is a chore :|” you thought as the alarm rang through your room ruining your peaceful sleep

-it was raining outside and your mind went back to last night, the screaming match your parents had

-normally you’d be used to it but it felt like they were starting to take the anger they had for each other out on you now

-you tried not to but you started thinking about all the things your mom had yelled to you through the closed door of your bedroom

-“your just like your father. you’re selfish, lazy and all you do is run around with that little boyfriend of yours! what about your family?! you think your better then us? why don’t you move out then since your so good at being independent?!”

-everything she said was always completely blown out of proportion, she lied all the time. it’s exhausting for you

-you started getting ready for school, you wanted to see suna and your friends and laugh and just forget last night even happened

-when you got to school suna was there at your locker scrolling lazily through his phone

-you smiled, genuinely as he looked up and greeted you with a smirk

-“nice hair.”

-“wha-“ you started and then smacked his arm when you realized that your baby hairs were out of sorts “shutup” you scowled

-“good morning” suna hugged you

-“good morning”

-now you were off to class, it always went by too fast, you thought. school was always done in the blink of an eye

-“what’re you doing at lunch?” your friend tapped your shoulder and whispered to you

-“mmm nothing probably why?”

-“let’s eat on the roof today! yui told me there’s gonna be a rainbow cuz it stopped raining.”

-“okay” you smiled

-now at lunch with your friends you ate the bento you had packed before. the rainbow was there and it was beautiful

-you were having fun just laughing with your friends and texting suna while he sent terrible photos of atsumu. things were good, you had forgotten about your mom

-until the end of the day came and you had to go back home

-as usual suna was at his locker waiting so that you could walk home together

-after crossing the street you and suna were at a bike path, trees surrounding the fences

-it was a comfortable silence until...

-“what’s wrong?”

-suna asking took you by surprise, you didn’t think you were acting any different. were you?

-“what are you talking about”

-“you look sad, you did this morning too but then you were fine the rest of the day so I didn’t say anything. but, you look sad again now”

-“oh..”

-so suna just saw right through you

-“ um.. i’m okay.. it’s just ..” you laughed dryly “i don’t really want to go home”

-“did something happen?”

-“yeah.. my parents were fighting, it turned into this whole thing.” you felt a lump in your throat start to form “i don’t really wanna talk about it”

-“okay. you should just come over then, right?”

-“can i?”

-“you literally don’t even have to ask me anymore y/n” suna grabbed your hand and led the way

-when you got there suna hopped on his couch and started putting on something from netflix

-“my parents aren’t home, my sister has a dance thing today” he grabbed a blanket and you sat down, putting your head in his lap

-suna put on a comedy show, of course he would

-he played with your hair while you watched and after an episode or two, he asked

-“do you want to talk about it now?”

-and so you did, you told him what happened last night and what your mom said. your plan was to not cry but that failed miserably

-suna listened intently, he told you the truth, he said that what she said wasn’t true, he told you you could sleepover whenever you needed to.

-kissed you and wrapped you back in the blanket

-“i love you, you know that right? always.”

-he always knew what to say and you loved him for that

-“i love you too, suna”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ kita:

-kita knew, first thing he noticed when he saw you that you weren’t okay

-you woke up with a terrible headache, aching body and stomachache

-so this is it? this is hell? ok.

-but the test.. you had a test today. fortunately you had actually studied for weeks because you knew it was important

-mentally? you were ready for that test. physically? you had the spanish influenza

-so you weighed the options and decided you would go to school, take the test and then come back home after.

-the problem with that was that kita would in fact lecture you on all the reasons you should not have come to school

-he was right of course, but you still decided that you would need to avoid him for today

-spoiler alert it did not work

-your test was your third class of the day so you only had to get through 2 classes and you’d leave at lunch perfectly avoiding kita

-this was what you thought while you were at your locker until you closed it and walked directly into kitas chest

-“wow”

-“good morning y/n-chan”

-“morning kita! i have to go or I’ll be late!”

-you ran😭 and you almost got away too but kita grabbed your arm and pulled you to one side of the hallway

-he felt your forehead and both cheeks

-“you have a fever y/n”

-“no I don’t I’m just hot from walking to school”

-he said 😐

-you signed and rested your head on his chest letting your arms dangle

-“why did you come? you look sick”

-“thanks. I have a test.”

-“how do you feel?”

-you told him your symptoms but also that you were leaving right after the test and you could pull through

-he really didn’t want you to overwork yourself but he knew you were set on taking the test

-so he let you go and he made you promise to text him between classes and let him know if you felt any worse

-and off you went

-honestly, you were fine up until halfway through your second class.. then you started feeling really cold and tired even kind of nauseous

-then in the third class your test was put onto your desk and before you knew it your teacher was saying “begin”

-okay. you can do this you thought to yourself. the test was easy enough with how much you studied, you thought about every answer and you tried to finish quick

-but then it was like time cut itself in half and the bell for lunch was ringing

-you weren’t even done the test yet

-“y/n you can stay in here until your done but i expect you to have it finished soon”

-one question left

-you don’t even remember what you ended up putting before you were up and giving the paper to your teacher

-kita was right there when you left the classroom

-“hey ..hey.. y/n”

-you could barely hear him you just flopped into his arms

-“okay I’m taking you home.. “

-“but..”

-“shh let’s go”

-you don’t remember getting there but then you were in your bed smothered in pillows and blankets

-kita came in

-“what time is it?”

-he looked at his phone “half past 4”

-“4?!” you jolted up “did you even go back to school?” “kita?!”

-he smiled at you “no but it’s okay y/n it was only one day. i wanted to take care of you

-you noticed he had a steaming cup of something in his hands

-“what’s that” you asked

-“its tea, but it’s special tea :)”

-“what do you mean” you laughed

-“my grandma showed me how to make it, it’s gonna make you feel a lot better”

-he’s so cute...

-“kita... you didn’t have to do all this”

-“i wanted to” he sits beside you and hands you the tea

-literally tasted like heaven

-“mmmmm oh my god”

-kita laughed and kissed you on the cheek before joining you in the bed

-you cuddled and watched movies on your laptop until you fell asleep, comfortable in your boyfriends arms

[shattered-catalyst]

Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

 Whomst can write it? 

Literally anyone as long as you 

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives 

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here* 

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD? 

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective. 

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical 

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

 ● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD. 

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly 

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum 

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it. 

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts 

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC 

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

 4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed 

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD. 

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts: 

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far. 

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples. 

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc 

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought. 

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions. 

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them. 

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form. 

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else 

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain. 

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain. 

Again for clarity's sake 

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff 

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals 

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD 

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything. 

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks. 

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered. 

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience. 

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong. 

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object. 

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

 It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds. 

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful; 

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses. 

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that... 

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars. 

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity. 

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture. 

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder. 

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ; 

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD), 

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment. 

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations. 

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses. 

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that. 

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety! 

OCD according to NIMH statistics 

1.2% Occurrence among US adults 

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults 

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism 

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

 Cyclops (Marvel)

[macorni]

Talk To Me

  Ship: Moceit

Date I wrote this: 12/10/20 (December 10th, 2020.)   

  Mini-Fic                                TW: Arguing, crying, self-harm in a way, unhealthy coping, and swearing. Just Janus Angst.                                                janus angst

Word Count: 2023 

Janus felt as if the world was ending, his best and only friend broke up with him (meaning they're no longer friends) after a misuse of words during an argument, Janus covered his mouth and laid on his bed to soften any cries and to be at least comfortable The argument was silly and useless, Janus recently gotten back from another discussion with the Light Sides and Remus was there waiting for him, "You might as well be another Virgil." Remus told him, Janus raised a brow, "What is that supposed to mean?" Remus rolled his eyes, "It means you're going to friend them and leave me alone, even if you say you're not leaving, as Virgil once said, 'I will not leave.' But we all now know that was a lie. So, are you gonna leave as well?" Janus was taken back by that statement.

"What? That is prosperous! No I will not." Janus gritted through his teeth, he hated to be compared to that emo. He felt a bit of himself die when Remus said, "You're a liar, how am I supposed to know, Deceit?" Now, Remus knows Janus's name, so it hurt to be called 'Deceit' when he's not Deceit, he is Janus. He didn't want to be only seen as Deceit, just how Remus didn't want to be seen as only 'Intrusive Thoughts' but he kept his mouth shut about that statement, "I don't lie all the time, you should know that, but again, you're a monster, not logical." Janus felt the words slip through his mouth. It sounded so sour and harsh but in such a careless tone. It sounded like nothing at all. Remus's breath fastened, and Janus slapped his hand over his mouth afterwards, it was a very loud silence, "Remus, I- Uh- I-" Janus stuttered but Remus interrupted, "No no, if that's how you feel then so be it." Remus snapped, going to his brother, leaving Janus alone.

That leaves Janus here, in present, sobbing on his bed. He didn't mean any harm but he speaks too fast, and words cloud his mind like air pollution and the words fall out like a waterfall. He shouldn't be crying, he didn't get hurt, Remus did. This was so fucking selfish and stupid. He gasped for breath but it seemed as if his lungs gave up on him, eyes watering and burning. He can't lose his one and only best friend, no, not again. He can't lose anyone else- first "O"(Orange Side who left to god who knows where when they were teens), then Virgil, and now Remus? Not to mention Roman will definitely tell everyone else and everyone will hate him more.

Janus shuttered at the thought. He can't handle emotions well, he tries to hide the bad ones, but he rarely laughs at anything at all anymore. He watched an 15 minute vine compilation and laughed- more of a soft huff- three times. Janus has breakdowns pretty often but he doesn't tell anymore or wants anyone to know, so when he does, he takes the anger and confusion out on himself, example being: He hits him, sometimes the head, or stomach, or the legs. He holds his breath until he is about to pass out. He scratches at the covered scales. He also rips up old photos, to the point where he makes 2x copies of the same picture because he will rip it eventually.

He decided to head to the library in the mindscape, or the light mindscape. The dark sides don't have much, which includes a library which Janus hates. He waited until he was presentable, tidied up his outfit, and then started to venture to the library. He'll definitely see Logan. Janus walked into the library and sure enough, blue boy was there reading a book about philosophy during the Ancient times and up to the 1980's. Estimated 500 pages from the looks of the thick dark green book with golden text on it saying, "Philosophy Throughout The Ancients to 1980's." with a smaller text with the author.

Janus disregarded the man, Logan and him we're on neutral terms, though Logan found it frustrating when Janus would deceive the others as him, and Janus found it frustrating when Logan would constantly lie about how he felt. Logan noticed the yellow side wandering by him, "Salutations, Janus." Logan greeted and Janus gave him an awkward wave, "Hi." Janus walked to a Psychology area and grabbed the books labeled, "Understanding Emotions." "Opening up." "Life Advice." and "How to deal and help with mental illnesses."  Janus sat down at a small table, 3 tables away from Logan, and began to read the first book, "Understanding Emotions."

Janus read for about an hour before Roman and Patton entered to hangout with Logan. Roman's face twisted in disappointment when he saw Janus sitting down, Patton smiled, he didn't mind the snake after the previous Sanders Sides episode, not counting the Asides. "Salutations, Roman and Patton." Logan told the two, waving. "Hi Logan!"  Patton smiled widely and Roman responded with a simple yo. The 3 we're relatively loud but Janus liked some noise then none. Silence was sometimes so violent, it drove Janus insane, being left alone in your thoughts. Patton decided to talk to Janus, and made his way to the other side, sitting down across from him.

"Hi Janus!" Patton smiled, "Hello Patton, do you need anything?" Janus asked, not many people willingly talked to him. Most hated him, including himself. "Nah, I just wanted to chat. We never chat outside of discussions, I want to know you better." Patton explained, Janus was taken back from his kindness, even if he didn't sense it, he convinced himself it was a lie, "Oh okay, I'm not very interesting, just a fair warning." Janus smirked, Patton giggled a little, "Everyone has some sort of interesting piece of them." Janus shrugged,  "I'm kind of ordinary. Besides appearance wise." Janus continued to read, "Whatcha reading?" Patton tried to read it upside down, and failed miserably, "A book about understanding emotions better." Janus told him, "Ooooh! Neat!" Patton moved next to him, leaning over and reading along.

"You should read funner books." Patton suggested, which triggered Logan's grammar sense, "Patton, 'Funner' is not a word, it is pronounced 'More fun.'" Logan said loud enough for him to hear, which caused Janus to chuckle, "Sorryyy!" Patton said fast, "I would but I don't feel like it has a educational benefit for the next crisis." Janus said honestly, "For someone who was people to self care and do what they want- if it's not dangerous- you really don't take your own advice, do you?" Patton explained, Janus paused, "W-Well that is because I don't feel as if I need it. I need to be doing my work and learning more. I gotta help Thomas, ya know." Janus found the right words to say. "You don't feel as if you need it?" Patton said, more quietly, Janus nodded. "I actually have a question, could you help me?" Patton asked, "Uh sure." Janus shrugged, looking away from the tan pages to the freckled boy, "Could you help me choose what gift I should get Remus for Christmas?" Patton whispered, not wanting Roman to hear, Janus nodded.

The two went to Patton's room, "So, Remus would most definitely hate a more colorful makeup pallet- since he does a lot of Special Effects Makeup." Janus suggested, "Ohh, thank you!" Patton smiled, writing that down. Janus got up to leave but Patton grabbed his arm which in response, Janus flinched and pulled away a bit, "Uh, yeah?" Janus asked, "Can we talk?" Patton asked, Janus sat down, nodding. "Have you actually been taking care of yourself?" Patton asked, Janus hesitated, "Uh, of course." He lied, "Janus, I saw your books. Are you okay?" Patton asked, as if he actually cared, which was way to absurd and unrealistic in Janus's mind. The words stung, does he actually want to know? Janus has so many questions, "Hey, I won't tell anyone anything, talk to me." Patton grabbed Janus's hands in a soft manner, smiling. Janus felt tears prick, "You don't really care, do you?" Janus asked, forcing the tears back down, "Pitying me?" Janus assumed. The light blue side shook his head, "No, I really do care," Patton started and Janus looked away but Patton took one of his hands and turned his face turns him and cupped his cheek in the same hand, "just talk to me, I'll listen." he finished.

Janus felt a single tear stroll down his face, nobody ever wanted to listen, he know he shouldn't but he does anyways, "Emotions confuse me. I don't know how to help them or react. Whenever something bad happens, I get obviously sad, and I began to cry too much or too little. And when I don't know what to do, I break down. I don't know how to.. stop breaking down. I always end up hurting myself or breaking some valuable. You're probably annoyed now, I'll shu-" Patton shushed him, "No no, rant to me, I like the sound, I like your voice." he smiled, lovingly, which made Janus confused on why he cared, "If you insist.. I can't talk to anymore or be my own self because I am too scared of being even less likeable, and if I open up too much it'll scare people away, make them uncomfy, or I'll be too much and they leave me. I-I just feel so lost and I do no good, even when I try. Maybe me leaving all together would help everyone, including Thomas. Having no denial or deceit may be good, but the bad of having absolutely no self preservation could do. I feel like him on auto-pilot now." Janus couldn't stop talking but Patton didn't mind.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'd be better dead. I mean, in the long run I'd be helpful if I just went awa-" Janus got cut off by a bone- crushing hug from Patton, "Just lay down, okay?" Patton suggested and Janus did, he laid down on the bed and Patton laid down too, the two facing each other. Patton wrapped his arms around Janus's waist and pulled him closer, and Janus wrapped his arms around Patton's neck, Janus's head resting in the crook of the others neck. "..See, just stay like this.. You'll feel better soon."

Janus felt the tears just pour from his eyes, he sobbed onto Patton knowing he'll never feel this type of love again. Patton rubbed circles into his back, Janus was so vulnerable, anything could just hurt him right now, a shaking, sobbing mess. Patton never knew Janus held in so much, he didn't know one of the 2nd most serious side held so much pain within, he knows that Logan is going through it too. "P-P-Please don't t-tell anyone about t-this.." Janus said in between sobs, gripping onto Patton and his shirt, "I wont ever tell anyone, promise." Patton said softly. They stayed like this for at least 15 minutes, then Janus stopped crying, he was just shaking.

"We can stay like this for awhile.." Patton told him, noticing the boy still shaking, "S-Sure." Janus repositioned himself so he was laying on his right side and Patton cupped him, rubbing his chest. "Cute." Patton told him, "Uh-huh, ssssssso cute." Janus lightheartedly said and rolling his eyes in a playful manner, and hissed, Patton giggled at this hiss. Janus took off his hat and threw it onto Patton's desk chair. "Thank you ssssso much, Patton." Janus smiled.

"No problem."

- Minific by m.acorni

[patandpran]

What love feels like

Pairing: Tin x Can

Summary: It really was like Tin had adopted an adorable, helpless stray dog that had just randomly wandered up to him one day.From the beginning of their friendship, to Tin wanting something more, to a re-imagining of their first kiss, Can teaches Tin what love feels like. 

Slight canon divergence from season 2, mixing bits of pieces from the canon of season 1/2.

Can was like an annoying little puppy that Tin was not sure what to do with. Tin just knew that he had to feed him regularly, keep a napkin in his pocket at all times because Can tended to messy and always be ready for a barrage of sounds to be constantly thrown his way when Can went off on one of his rants. It really was like Tin had adopted an adorable, helpless stray dog that had just randomly wandered up to him one day.

Can was quite feisty and in those hotheaded moments was when Tin thought that Can was the cutest. He looked like a little kid having a tantrum and his words would start to string together in non-sensical patterns and Tin would just nod and try to make sure Can knew he was listening. It was hard to keep the smile off of his lips in these moments because of how freaking adorable Can looked.

Tin had never met somebody so energetic, whether it was positive energy or negative energy, Can ran at full gas all the time which is likely the reason he needed to eat and rest so often: to refuel. He was like a firecracker compared to the way that Tin moved calmly and slowly through the world, in an attempt to be unnoticed. Can made such a scene wherever he went it was like he was wearing a ‘Hey, look at me!’ neon sign, even though he did not seem to care much about the attention that his antics brought him. He was just being Can.

Whether he knew it or not, Can forced his friendship on Tin in an almost violent attack. They went from being complete strangers who were at odds with each other to Can looking out for Tin’s wellbeing and forcing Tin to take him out to lunch as a reward. While they did not exactly get along at the best of times, Tin found himself quietly amused at the way Can seemed to care about him and have a shockingly strong moral base, despite how erratically he operated in every other part of his personality.

Tin also loved that Can did not give a shit about his last name or what that meant. Can, for whatever bizarre reason, seemed to truly enjoy Tin’s company and care for him in a way that was completely separate from the money that Tin had. He was not used to people treating him well unless they wanted something, either a familial connection or sometimes even money itself. Because of this, Tin had developed a cold outer shell to ward people off and built a wall of innate distrust between him and the rest of the world. He would wade through his life untouched if people didn’t even bother to approach him.

But, of course, Can had been the wrecking ball to bring that wall down in a matter of seconds. Sure, there was still still times that Tin had the instinct to build it back up again but Can always proved his suspicions wrong and any conflict between them was particular to their interactions and had nothing to do with Tin’s last name or trust fund. Every second that he spent with Can was a breath of fresh air and Tin soon became addicted to that feeling.

Tin began to go out of his way to run into Can, making excuses about his promise to Pete about checking in to see how Ae was doing so he could get away with being on the Thai Program campus. Can seemed confused by his presence at first but quickly got used to the routine of Tin ‘randomly meeting him’ after class to take him out for a meal (when Tin had actually made a point of memorizing Can’s class schedule) and ‘just happening’ to drop by after Can’s football practice with a cold bottle of water (Tin had bribed Techno with concert tickets to send him the football practice schedule). Can was always pleasantly surprised to see Tin and it quickly became their norm.

Tin had never wanted been the one to pursue friendship with anyone so the experience was completely foreign. He sometimes called Pete to ask what was appropriate and not (every time that he did, Pete asked when Tin and Can were going to make it official but Tin just laughed it off). Can was blunt and honest about everything so when Tin something out of line, like try to buy Can’s Mom and sister designer bags, Can shut that down really quick and was kind enough to explain why it was not what friends did.

Can sometimes said some pretty hurtful things to Tin when he got frustrated but would always apologize seconds later. Sometimes the damage was done, though, and Tin would throw on his armour and throw venom right back at Can. There were some pretty heated moments but Can knew how to bring Tin back down to earth, usually by making puppy dog eyes up at Tin and suggesting they go for a walk to get some air.

Tin wasn’t sure when things changed between them but Tin found himself wondering if Can would start to annoyed by him. They texted all day, usually met up at some point before or after classes in person and made a point of talking on the phone before either of them went to bed. Tin attended each of Can’s football games, to the point where Techno and Champ started teasing Can that Tin was his ‘cheerleader with no cheer in him’. Can always laughed off their jokes and made a point of thanking Tin for coming to the games to support him. This always did something funny to Tin’s chest, making his heart feeling it was going to leap right out of his ribcage.

One time, over a meal, Tin found himself staring at Can’s lips for an extended period of time. They were so pink and soft and Tin just couldn’t keep his gaze off of them, even though Can was in the middle of some rantfest as usual. It took a few minutes for Can to notice where Tin was looking and he asked if there was something on his lips. Tin felt his cheeks grow hot and muttered an excuse before shoving a napkin in Can’s face. Can didn’t react further after wiping his lips and launched right back into the story as if nothing was amiss. Tin, on the other hand, was still consumed with the urge to look back at Can’s lips and the bright idea of how pleasant it would be to press his own lips against Can’s.

After this interaction, Tin tried to put some distance between himself and Can. It didn’t seem fair to Can for Tin to force his feelings on him and, to be honest, Tin started to wonder how long he had felt this way when Can clearly just wanted friendship from Tin. It felt wrong for Tin to keep being around Can when he wanted much more than just platonic companionship. The worst part was that Tin didn’t want to ruin the best friendship he had ever had just because his stupid feelings were getting in the way.

Tin had given a valiant effort to avoiding Can and letting Can have some space but because of their established routine, Can probably thought Tin was backing away from their friendship entirely rather than just trying to pull the reins in a bit. Tin felt like he was being tortured when he was around Can because all he wanted to do was reach out and slips his hand into Can’s - but that’s not what friends did. But then the texts and calls started coming in at alarming rate and Tin couldn’t just ignore Can, could he?

“Hellooooooo. I’m hungry. I thought we were going to meet up for lunch today. And by meet up, I meant I thought you were going to buy me lunch today.”

“Tin. I didn’t see you at all yesterday or today. Who am I supposed to tease if I can’t tease you? I miss your dumb face. Call me.”

“…. Did I do something wrong? I am trying to think back over what happened the last time we hung out and I can’t think of anything in particular… Is there something going on with your family? Is your brother being an asshole to you again? I will come beat him up for you. Just let me know when and where.”

“Tin… I am sorry for whatever I did. I hope that we can still be friends because… as much as I hate to admit it, I really care about you and even though we’ve only known each for a few months, I think you’re one of my best friends. I just… please call me.”

Listening to the voicemails and reading the texts that came in during their time apart made Tin feel ill wit guilt. He owed Can an explanation and with how open and honest Can had been with him throughout their friendship, Tin owed Can the truth, even if it meant the end of their friendship. It seemed like a risk worth taking.

“Meet me at the football field.”

Tin knew that Can would be getting out go class soon, as long as he actually attended his lecture (which Can often didn’t) but Tin hoped that today would be the exception to the rule. Once he stepped onto the turf of the field, he felt his heart begin to race at a million miles an hour. How could he possibly put into words how he felt about Can? This was particularly a challenge for someone who didn’t use many words in the first place.

“Tin?”

Tin tensed as soon as he heard Can’s voice but was relieved to hear it as well. It had been painful to be away from Can and as Tin turned to face Can, he felt himself relax entirely knowing that Can was only a few feet away from him. Can looked exhausted and his eyes looked a bit weepy, as if he had not been sleeping well or he had cried recently.

Immediately, Tin approached Can and put his hand under Can’s chin, gently tilting Can’s face to closer inspect him. The worry that spread through Tin, seeing Can look so unlike himself, once again confirmed exactly how he felt about his friend. “Can, are you okay?”

“I… I missed you.” Can began to blubber, his eyes filling with tears. Tin was once again reminded about how vulnerable and sensitive Can was and felt guilty for ever ignoring him. Can continued as Tin wiped his tears from under his eyes, “Why did you disappear like that?”

“I’m sorry.” Tin responded, feeling as if his heart was being torn to pieces right then and there. “I didn’t realize it was going to upset you this much. It won’t happen again…. unless you don’t want to see me after what I’m going to tell you.”

Can pressed his head against Tin’s chest and wrapped his arms around Tin, pulling him into a tight hug. “What could you ever say that would make me not want to see you? That’s ridiculous.”

“I was scared of how you would react so I tried to give you some space so I could sort through things in my head.” Tin gently pulled away from the hug so that he could look into Can’s eyes again but kept his arms wound around Can. Can looked up at Tin with confusion so Tin continued, “I… I have feelings for you.”

“Feelings?” Can repeated and Tin was reminded of just how naive Can was. “I mean, I have feelings too, I’m crying right now! I know you have a hard time being open about your emotions but surely you can trust me enough to be open with how you feel.”

“Can.” Tin grumbled, wishing that Can was a better listener. “I have feelings FOR YOU. As in, I like you…”

“I mean, of course, you like me.” Can beamed up at Tin. “We’re friends.”

“I don’t know how to make this any clearer.” Tin groaned in frustration. “I guess I’ll just have to

show you what I mean if saying it doesn’t make sense to you.”

Before Can could utter another question, Tin kissed him. The kiss was gentle and exploratory, and Tin hoped that it wouldn’t change everything between he and Can. He wanted to make up for the pain he had caused his friend and wanted to share with Can just how important he was to Tin. Shockingly, Can did not pull away from the kiss but remained still for a few moments and Tin’s heart hammered immensely against his chest, wondering what could possibly be going through Can’s mind.

Tin slowly pushed away and separated from Can. Can’s eyes were still closed but Tin watched as Can’s eyes slowly opened and revealed that a look of pure fascination was reflected in them. Tin smirked slightly and murmured, “Does that make things any clearer?”

“It still doesn’t explain why you were avoiding me.” Can was clearly still processing what had happened but a flash of pain appeared on his face and his gaze dropped to their shoes. “You didn’t want to hang out with me because you want to kiss me?”

Tin chuckled slightly at Can’s blunt thought process. “I suppose you could put it like that.”

“Why does everything have to be so complicated?” Can answered defiantly and looked back to Tin with a pout on his mouth. It took everything for Tin not to kiss Can again right then and there.  Can continued, “If I’m hungry, I eat. If I’m tired, I sleep. If you are mad at me, we talk about it. If you want to kiss me, kiss me.”

“It’s a lot easier said then done.” Tin shoved his hands into his pockets, feeling a bit embarrassed by the conversation. “Plus, do you even like me back?”

“I’ve never wanted to spend so much time with someone. Whenever I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you and when you stopped coming to see me, I felt like I was going to lose it.” Can expressed urgently, the words practically tumbling out of his mouth before his lips could even form them. “I don’t know what love is because I have never experienced it but, if I had to make an educated guess, even though I’m not that educated, I think this is what love feels like.”

Tin’s jaw fell slightly slack as Can stated everything he was experiencing with such matter of factness, especially when Can said the word ‘love’ so casually. Nothing about this felt casual to Tin and the fact that Can was reciprocating the feelings that Tin had been so terrified to share with Can in the first place was a whole other piece of information for Tin to have to process. As usual, Tin felt overwhelmed while Can just looked happy to be once again sharing space with Tin.

“You are very smart, Can.” Tin shared and brought his hand up to ruffle Can’s hair fondly but Can dodged it easily. Tin rolled his eyes, “So I can kiss you without warning but I’m not allowed to play with your hair?”

“I am a man, not a puppy. I prefer kisses to being pet, thank you very much.” Can explained before putting his hands stubbornly on his hips.

Of course, this only made him look even more adorable so Tin swept in and dropped a quick peck on Can’s lips. After the kiss, Tin rested his forehead lightly on Can’s forehead and murmured, “I think you’re right.”

“Right about what?” Can wondered, staring up at Can through his eyelashes.

Tin smiled, “This is definitely what love feels like.”

[goldrushzukka]

1, 2, 7, 8, 9. (Sorry, i know that's like...all of them)

1. what themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

i love writing coming out storylines. it’s not really that they’re uncommon, i just find a lot of catharsis in them. 

2. what are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? what would you avoid writing about?

i tend to avoid writing sibling dynamics bc i’m an only child and therefore not really. qualified. i love reading it though!! 

7. favourite description in your WIP?

it was really hard to pick one so i have a few answers for this bc i love to talk about myself so. (under the cut bc JESUS this got long but spoilers for and i’ll do anything you say (read it here!) ahead!!!)

- from chapter 2:

Sokka looks at him, a fantasy come to life, and takes off his stupid sweatpants.

He throws them at Zuko’s head, and earns himself a short burst of that real laugh, shocked and unguarded.

“You asshole,” Zuko says. He sits up and grabs Sokka’s hand, pulling him down on top of him. Something comes alive under Sokka’s skin where Zuko’s fingers graze his wrist. He calls it lust and ignores the fact that it feels nothing like it.

Zuko kisses him, his mouth still in the shape of laughter, and the alive thing screams for his attention. Sokka buries it and hopes it won’t deafen him before they’re done.

im very fond of this whole chapter (i think it’s probably my favourite? it was definitely the easiest to write) but i really love looking back on this part particularly now that we’re in the angsty part of the story bc this is where it all started. yes technically it started in chapter 1 but this is when sokka starts to fall for zuko. this is the beginning of all those pesky non-casual feelings that he’s going to pretend don’t exist until someone else calls him out on them.

- also from chapter 2:

He’s forty-five minutes late already, and when he knocks, a woman made of pursed lips and sharp angles answers the door. She looks elegant and expensive the same way a skyscraper does. Or a cache of medieval weaponry.

“Oh,” Sokka says, digging into his pocket to find the map on his phone. “I must have the wrong place, sorry -”

She looks him up and down, her eyes narrowed in a way that feels violent and practiced, and her smirk turns distasteful. Sokka risks a glance down at himself, at his torn up jeans - not distressed, just torn - and the Madonna t-shirt he’s pretty sure actually belongs to Katara, and thinks she might have a point. The bag in his hand feels heavier when her eyes land on it.

“Zuzu,” the woman calls into the apartment, “your dinner’s here.”

“I didn’t order -” Zuko appears in the doorway, bitter frustration in his expression as he looks at the woman.

His eyes fall on Sokka, though, and his face clears into a light-pollution smile.

this is technically two so i will start with: i love azula. i haven’t found any room to bring her back yet but believe me i am LOOKING. she’s hot and mean and gay and i LOVE HER. oh also insider scoop but suki’s date from earlier in this chapter.......WAS azula. they probably won’t see each other again because once azula met sokka and connected his face to the Best Friends Forever picture frame on suki’s desk she stopped answering the phone.

pt 2: i’ve had a couple of comments mention the “light-pollution smile” line specifically and i am always so happy to read them bc yeah. YEAH. i’ll admit it. that line HITS. 

- from chapter 4:

He sets his phone down - only, he doesn’t. He misses the table by a mile, and in his scramble to catch his phone before it breaks on the hardwood floor and wakes Momo on the cushion beside him, his hand finds the lip of his cereal bowl, and then that’s falling, too. He manages to catch the phone, but something in his head gets lost in translation on its way down his arms, and he ends up with a boxers-only lap full of soggy Cheerios.

Momo gets a splash of milk on his back and hisses at Zuko for his crimes, and somehow that’s the worst part of it.

haley @fruitysokka said that this passage reads like an action movie and i think about it all the time. (thank u haley i love u)

- lastly this extended metaphor from chapter 6:

The soup is good, once the heat of it clears him up enough to taste it. It’s thick and warm and there’s enough pepper that Sokka gets a kick from it even in his condition. He feels it all the way down his throat and into his stomach, where it mixes with the prickly nervousness he’s feeling from Zuko’s attention.

He sets the bowl down on the table and asks, eyes stuck on his hands in Momo’s fur where he’s climbed into his lap, “How was the date?”

“It was good, actually,” Zuko says. “Jet seems like a nice guy. He’s very - uh - passionate, I guess you could call it? He’s a climate and human rights activist.”

The spines of Sokka’s nervousness turn to daggers.

...

“I said yes. We’re getting lunch on Sunday.”

The daggers are swords now, and Sokka’s heart sinks down, down, down, right to the hilt.

...

“I’ll text you when I’m home,” Zuko promises, and Sokka’s heart skewers itself on a second sword.

Zuko’s smile when Sokka says, “Thank you for the soup,” is a third.

The door closing behind him is a fourth.

The silence as Sokka shuffles back to bed is every single one that remains.

something something canon swordsmen something pride comes before the fall something chivalry fell on his sword from eden by hozier. you guys get it i dont have to explain myself

8. favourite dialogue in your WIP?

ok so i cant share my actual favourite dialogue bc it's a spoiler for chapter 8 and i technically haven't written it yet (it's in my brain just.....plaguing me) but it's GOOD i SWEAR so. once again i have more than one answer bc actually? i love this fic and im proud of it. deal with it.

- from chapter 1:

“Hey, stranger,” Sokka says, still watching him in the mirror. The corner of Zuko’s mouth ticks up.

“You’re not following me, are you?” Zuko’s tone is seductive, endlessly so, and Sokka wonders while he dries his hands if he has to put it on or if he just sounds like that.

“You give a guy one compliment and he thinks you’re stalking him,” Sokka mutters, and Zuko laughs, low and enticing. Not the genuine, endearing laugh of this morning, but one with an agenda.

Well. Sokka always likes a plan.

“Are you following me? ” Sokka asks. He spies a miraculous dry patch on the sink bank and tries to be casual about the way he hops up to sit on it.

“I might be,” Zuko says, and at Sokka’s raised eyebrow, he continues, “I saw you at the bar and I wanted to talk to you. Sue me.”

“You wanted to talk.”

“Amongst other things.”

as a chronically awkward person i am INSANELY proud of the flirting in this fic. no idea if it would work in a real life situation. excited to never find out bc im not about to use lines from my fanfiction on real women. 

- from chapter 2

“You must be Suki,” Zuko says. He meets her gaze, and his fingers go still under Momo’s chin.

“And you’re Zuko,” Suki replies, her smile all different shades of intimidating. “I’d shake your hand, but I know where it’s just been.”

i wrote this entire scene just so i could have suki say this. im not even joking. suki is my favourite part of this entire fic and its not even ABOUT her.

- from chapter 3:

When Sokka crosses the room and slips under the covers beside him, Zuko says, “I can leave, if you want. I can go home.”

...

He asks, still barely hovering over Zuko, “What if I don’t want that?”

Zuko swallows. “I can stay.”

“So stay,” Sokka says, and lays his head down on Zuko’s chest.

i just think it’s sweet. i like it a lot. makes my heart hurt a little when i think about it. 

- from chapter 4:

[Suki // 15:13] there is a LOT of chmpagrjn

[Suki // 15:13] cahpmhagne

[Suki // 15:13] chsanpghn

[Suki // 15:14] alcohol :)

once again: suki is the best part of this whole fic. i love her so much. she is the reason the word bestie exists. im really proud of the texting in this fic bc it’s my first time actually including it in fic and it’s turned out really well!!

- ok last one bc i just realised this is turning into a novel. from chapter 4:

“How’s my baby?”

Zuko glances down at Momo, batting at the untied laces of his shoes with one determined paw. “He’s doing just fine.”

“And how’s Momo?”

“He’s - what?”

are there better written, more narratively important and emotive lines in this fic? yes. is this the best part of the entire thing? also yes. i invented the jin/yue wedding because i needed a reason for zuko to have a key in what became chapter 6, but sometimes i think the entire fic exists just for this exchange. best dialogue i have ever written.

9. what scene was the hardest for you to write and why?

the start of chapter 6 of aidays was difficult. i kept wanting to skip ahead to the meaty parts - i.e, zuko and his soup - but i didn’t want to do sokka a disservice like that. it was also really hard to maintain the balance of accurately describing the delirium of illness while still being coherent for the reader? so that took me a couple of days to get right.

[turnaboutimagines]

Hey I really liked the hananaki disease one shots,, do you think you could write an alternate ending for them where the reader recovers? As much as I love angst I also love happy endings, I hope it’s not too much to ask!💕

That’s very valid, pal!  These are honestly just alternative versions that can stand on their own, more than an alternative ending.  The language in this is just as flowery too though because it’s fun to write.  ;-)  Similar situations to the OG post, but the boys get their happy endings here.[The OG Post, is ANGST and features both Reader death and major character death.]Content Warning: Mentions of coughing up flower petals with blood and pain as per Hanahaki Disease’s premise (tl;dr, you start coughing up flower petals that slowly gets worse due to unrequited love.) 

Miles Edgeworth.

It’s hard not to fall in love with Miles Edgeworth.  While he may remain oblivious to it, you see the longing looks people give him and hear the hopeful flirtations in their voices.  But you know him too well, better than any of them, and watch all of their hopes wilt.  

He’s not malicious, you know, but relationships… well, he doesn’t think they’re his style and romance in general is a ‘nebulous concept’ to him.  You’ve heard as much for yourself over late night cups of tea.  “You aren’t missing out on much,” you’d laughed at the time and earned a rare, appreciative smile in return.

It’s the kind of smile that made warmth blossom in your chest, longing for seeing more such smiles on him.  Happiness and acceptance truly do suit him well, he deserves them and so much more.  And you want to continue to help provide those things for him to the best of your ability at his side as he continues to move forward.

You just happened to get unlucky that evening, finally coughing up a white rose petal flecked with crimson blood.  You’d spent too many evenings with him, bonding over tea and games of chess…  You’d fallen too deeply and there was no going back.  

You resign yourself to your fate.  He’s worth it, even if your wish won’t be able to come true.

The thorns dig into your lungs more with each breath and flurries of petals now coming up instead of just the single ones…  It all points to one fact: Your time’s running out.  So, you choose to spend as much of your time with him as you can.  Perhaps it’s selfish of you, knowing that it’ll hurt him all the more when you’re suddenly gone.  Yet he’s looking so haggard from how hard he’s running himself in the name of his work, it’s hard to stay away from him when you can be there with him to encourage him to take breaks and eat well.  

It’s a good way to spend your final days, at his side as you try and make him as happy as you can—wanting to see more of his elusive smile before you go.

You just so happen to get unlucky once again on one such evening, it happens while you’re playing a chess match with him as you discuss each of your days.  The coughing fit descends upon you too quickly.

You can only cough into your hand, wrapping your fingers around the red and white petals stained with your blood to hide them from view.  It’s a good thing, too, because by the time you’ve cleared your lungs, his hand’s on your shoulder as he looms over you—worried.

“Are you all right?”

You’re tired, you realize as you stare up at him with the proof of your illness in hand.  More importantly, you decide on a whim that he deserves the warning.  You unfurl your fingers and hold up your palm to him, refusing to meet his eyes as regret quickly blooms in your chest.  He grows as pale as a lily, eyes flickering nervously between you and the petals while his grip on your shoulder turns into a death grip.

“…Who is it?”

You spare a sad smile in his direction, torn between not wanting to place this particular burden on him, but also not wanting to lie to him.  You’d already done enough damage with your first impulsive action, another one may break him.

“Please… tell me.  I need to know.”

He releases your shoulder and instead hesitantly places a finger underneath your chin, tilting your face toward him to make you look at him.  You’ve never seen this expression on his face before, there’s a strange combination of hope and dread he presses the issue.  It’s all it takes to crumble your resolve…

“You, Miles.”

The single word hangs in the air.

He laughs, equal parts disbelief and relief with a light wheeze making it rough around the edges.  You can only blink up at him, shocked at hearing such a sound come from him (as adorable as it is), but especially in this context.  He clears his throat, a crimson blush spread across his cheeks as he averts his gaze and crosses his arms back over his chest.

“Ngh, I, um, apologize.”  He looks back to you, gaze intense as ever as his finger taps nervously at the crook of his elbow.  “I just… recently, I’ve… also had it… because of you.”

“Because of…?”

When the realization hits, you don’t hesitate pull him down to your level by his cravat and capture his lips in a gentle first kiss.  He freezes for a moment, but quickly relaxes into it as his lips fumble a bit awkwardly against yours.

You both smile into it, not minding the slight metallic taste in the slightest.

Phoenix Wright.

Phoenix never fails to make you laugh or feel special, drawing you helplessly into his gravitational pull of non-stop trouble as he does with so many.  The way he looks at you shines with life and his smile is pure and utter sunlight.  Everything feels different with him, more vivid and just… special.  There’s simply no other word that will do for him.

You’re just friends, though.  Or you were.  Now, you’re best friends and always will be… which is even worse.

Yet he says as much with such brilliant happiness that it should make you feel warm, too.  But it doesn’t.  Each time he says that dreaded word, it feels like a cold shadow’s cast over your heart.

It should be enough to prevent anything from growing, but… it isn’t.  Not for you at least.  These cursed feelings have only flourished in-spite of it until they came to bloom in a violent fit of coughing.  The single yellow petal, long and slender, stares up at you from its place on your desk—the red drops around it reminding you of what is to come.

However, it is not yourself that you think of first, but Phoenix.  Perhaps it’s because the sunflower petal reminds you of him or, maybe, you truly have fallen in too deep.

As hard as it is, you tear yourself out of his orbit, wanting to minimize the damage you do when you disappear from his life.  You want to preserve that precious smile of his as best you can and that means absolving him of any guilt he may feel from learning the truth.

The yellow petals are coming more frequently, now in clusters, and you can feel the stalks taking hold in your lungs—breathing is becoming harder with each passing day.  Perhaps that’s why you finally respond to one of Phoenix’s texts and agree to stop by the office to have a talk.  He never gave up on trying to contact you…as lucky or unlucky as that may be.

It’s at least an opportunity to grant him some closure.  A proper goodbye.  You should give him that much… it’s kinder in the long run.

Yet it’s excruciating for you, just sitting beside him on the sofa.  There’s no light in his eyes or beaming smile on his face, then, and his hands are jammed into his pockets.  He’s worried and it’s all because of you.

But it’s kinder in the long run.

“Why have you been avoiding me lately?”

“…I’ve just been busy.  It’s got nothing to do with you.”  A lie said with a smile is still a lie, 

He purses his lips, eyes darting around you at invisible objects.  And he is.

The magatama… you’d caught him using it before and he’d trusted you enough to tell you about it.  He doesn’t need it to know you’re lying though, he knows you too well, but still… you can’t help but bristle at it.

“Phoenix—”

“—Please, you know you can tell me anything.  Just… don’t lie to me.  Not about something this serious, especially if I’ve done something wrong.”

“I… you haven’t done anything, Phoenix.”

He frowns at you and takes your nearest hand, making your heart lurch its way into your throat.  “Then… what is it?”

“I—”

“—can’t tell you,” is what you want to say.  But you choke over your words, face losing all its color as you seize up.  You hear him call your name with worry, but you descend into a coughing fit and hack up another cluster of yellow petals into your hand.  There’s no point in hiding them.

He stares at the yellow petals in growing horror, too clever for his own good as he rapidly connects the dots.

“…that’s why.”  You work up your courage and smile at him.  “Because I love you romantically, Phoenix… not platonically.”

Suddenly, you’re pulled into a tight embrace, and after a few moments you hear him sniffle quietly.  You sigh and try and reach around to rub his back to comfort him, but your hands trapped firmly in-between your chests.

“I love you, too.  Romantically.”  He tightens his grip around you further.  “I realized and I’ve been meaning to tell you, but you’ve been… avoiding me.”

Now it’s your turn to make the connections.

“You…you’re not just… saying that, are you?”

It would be just like him to try and pull something like that just to try and save your life, trying to bluff his way into requiting your romantic feelings… his loyalty is one of the many things you love about him, though.

He pulls back and shakes his head, looking serious.  “I wouldn’t bluff about something like that… and let me present some evidence on the matter.”

The smile returns to his face as he closes the distance between the two of you and steals a kiss.  

His lips feel so soft and warm and you can’t help but melt into it as the flowers within you wither.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello! I recently read the wonderful Notting Hill AU that you rec’d and one of my favourite parts of it was the role that minor characters eg Greg, Molly, Mike etc played! I loved the dynamics and felt like it really added something extra. I was wondering if you knew of any other fics that have great minor characters or really feature Greg/Molly? Thank you so much :)

Hey Nonny!

First, the fic:

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w., 15 Ch. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

Secondly, you can check out my Secondary Characters / Other Character POVs fics for some fun stuff. Thirdly, I WISH I knew more; I hardcore ship Lestrolly and there’s just not enough of it in my life as background ships, LOL.

Fourthly, another few fics that I feel have good BG characters pushing Johnlock:

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w., 12 of ? Ch. || Dev. Rel., Pining, Fluff and Romance, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Cuddles, Girl’s Night, Texting, Virgin Sherlock, Drunk Sherlock, Background Mollstrade, Hair Petting, Laying on Lap) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion. {{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w., 43 Ch. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who's been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w., 83 Ch. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

OBVIOUSLY there’s a TONNE more but these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head that the BG characters were pretty sweet helping out Johnlock.

That said, authors and lovelies, please share your fics fitting Nonny’s request!! I really would like some more Lestrolly in my life, LOL.

[faefictions]

Lonely People | Ch 1

(If you would like to listen to the Lonely People playlist, either send me an ask/message or search for it on my profile!)

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Reader (slowburn, enemies to lovers)

Word Count: 4,015

Warnings: underage drinking (that’s all for this chapter, but I would just like to state now that this story will deal with some heavy topics later on, such as abuse, addiction, and mental health issues. Those chapters will have those warnings before them!!)

“Y/n get over here!”

She searched the room for the voice calling her name, scanning over what seemed to be hundreds of heads before her eyes landed on her friends. The 2 were standing next to the beer pong table, waving their hands, urging her to come over. 

“Jace needs a partner,” Sierra explained, handing her the ping pong ball as she approached. 

“And why couldn’t you play with him?”

“Because I wanted the best, now get over here,” Jace said, pulling her wrist so she would join him. 

Ten minutes later, y/n had made every shot while the other team had made none. 

“Well, as fun as that was, I think I need to actually drink,” she winked at Jace, before grabbing Sierra’s hand and rushing off to take shots. 

“It’s really good to see you two finally socializing again,” Sierra commented loudly over the music. 

“I told you he would get over it eventually,” y/n replied. 

Just two months prior, Jace had tried to pursue a relationship with y/n, but her reply was less than ideal. Her exact words were that she didn’t “do the whole relationship thing”. They didn’t speak for more than a month after that, creating an awkward situation for Sierra considering their shared residence. 

“I mean I don’t think he’s really over it, he just knows that ignoring you isn’t going to get him anywhere.”

Y/n poured 2 shots, hoping that her best friend would just drop the subject. She had done her best to avoid talking about it for the past two months. 

“I thought you thought he was great anyway, I don’t get why you don’t just give him a chance,” Sierra remarked as she took the glass. 

“How about shut up before I stop talking to you too,” Y/n joked, clinking their glasses together and downing the liquid. 

2 shots later, the girls made their way to the living room of the house, sitting on the couch laughing through another story from Sierra’s childhood. This was their usual Friday night, although it wasn’t unusual to find them drunk at a party any other night of the week. 

The three roommates were all in their sophomore year of college and at that point, it was a miracle that none of them had been kicked out of their university. They all had their fair share of absences, tardies, and failing grades. 

Sierra and Jace grew up in the same town, and went to the same schools most of their lives. They didn’t really become friends until they went to college though. People tend to gravitate towards what is familiar, especially in foreign situations. That was the real reason the two became friends, but their bond became inseparable through their freshman year. 

They had met y/n halfway through their first year. She was at a party with her old best friend and Sierra ended up accidentally spilling a drink all over her. She helped her clean up and introduced her to Jace. That was just the first party of many for the three. Y/n fit in right away, and their friendship extended to make them an inseparable group. 

As they were laughing on the couch, the girls heard Jace’s cheers and laughter. They both turned around to see him running laps around the beer pong table, a sign that he had definitely had enough to drink already. 

“We should probably get him home,” y/n stated, a bit disappointed that she hadn’t had the chance to drink nearly as much as she wanted to. 

They both sighed as they got off of the couch, heading over to where he was still cheering. He was now high- fiving his partner, stumbling a little as he did. 

“Hey Jace, Sierra isn’t feeling too well, we should go.” 

The thing about getting a drunk 20 year old boy to leave a party is that he never wants to go. Without a good reason, there is no way he will depart without a fight. So the girls had a system of getting Jace home. They always lied about one of them feeling ill. If he wasn’t drunk every time they used it, he may have caught on. 

“What a shame, he’s one hell of a partner,” the boy beside him chuckled out.

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same guy? Because as far as I’m concerned, he’s never made a shot in his life,” Y/n snarked, making Jace gasp comedically. 

“I never said he was good, just fun. I’m Tom by the way.”

He reached out to shake both of the girl’s hands. Y/n looked at Sierra as she shook the boys hand, and it was obvious that her friend was smitten.

“I’m y/n, and this is Sierra.”

“It’s nice to meet you both,” he said, holding eye contact only with Sierra. 

Jace came over to y/n and threw his arm around her shoulders in an effort to keep himself up, causing her to tense.

“You know it’s a good thing you guys are wanting to go, I’m starting to feel like maybe I had a liiittle too much.”

“Ok, big guy, let’s go,” she chuckled, then glanced to her other friend, “Meet us out front?”

Sierra nodded in response, prompting y/n to try to guide Jace out the front door. After a lot of struggling and weaving in-between underage drinkers, they were at the front door. As y/n reached to open it, Jace fell to the floor. She sighed in annoyance and tried to help him up, but he refused to let her grab him. 

“You are the most stubborn piece of shit.”

“I could say the same about you,” he chuckled from the ground. 

She rolled her eyes at his remark as Sierra and Tom appeared at her side. 

“Need some help?” Tom asked. 

“If you can work the miracle of getting him out the front door, be my guest.”

Tom stuck out his hand, and Jace took it right away, sticking his tongue out at y/n as he got up. The girls watched as Tom helped their roommate stumble out on the front lawn. They reached the front sidewalk when Jace suddenly stopped. He stumbled over to the tree a few feet away and used it to prop himself up while he spewed everywhere. 

“We were only here for like an hour. How is he this drunk already?” y/n mumbled to Sierra. 

“I told you he’s not over it. This is just exhibit A. Welcome back to the shit-show.”

A bit of guilt hit her in the chest, but she pushed it away. She told herself she shouldn’t feel bad for not liking her roommate back. At least she didn’t string him along, she told him the truth the second he mentioned his feelings. 

“Hey, mate, everything ok over here?” they heard someone call over to Tom. 

“Oh my God, there’s two of them,” Sierra squealed quietly to y/n, causing her to stifle a laugh. 

Tom told his friend that he was helping the girls get Jace out of the house, and introduced the boy to them. “This is Harrison.”

They all mumbled some nice to meet you’s before returning their attention to Jace. He was now leaning against the tree, luckily his puking had paused. 

“I’m taking the chance between hurls to start walking him home. You can stay here if you want, Si.”

She knew Sierra would have much rather stayed and gotten to know the boys. The expression on her face every time she glanced at Tom really gave it away. 

“I’ll feel like a terrible person if I don’t help you get him home.”

“We live like 2 minutes from here, I’ll be fine. You should really stay. I don’t know that there will ever be a party where you don’t have to babysit Jace again.”

“Hey, I can still hear you,” Jace called from by the tree. 

“Seriously, Si. Stay, and call me if you want me to come back and walk you home.”

Y/n walked over to Jace and put his arm around her shoulders again, helping him stand up. She was almost a whole foot shorter than him, so she wasn’t the best support, but she was better than nothing. 

They got back to their apartment, only having to stop twice for Jace to puke again. As soon as they were in the door, he rushed to the bathroom in his room, too rushed to shut any doors. She sighed at the sound of him violently heaving, knowing he was going to feel like shit the next morning. 

She went to her bathroom cabinet, grabbed some tylenol, and went into his room. She got his water from his bedside table, replacing it with the tylenol, and grabbed a blanket from his bed. Jace was sitting against the wall across from the toilet, so she took a place right next to him, setting the blanket over his legs. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. 

“No problem, now drink,” she said, handing him the water bottle. He reluctantly grabbed it and took a few sips before closing it again. 

“I put some tylenol on your bedside table. Take a few when you wake up, and when you’re done they go in my cabinet. Where’s your phone?”

“In my jacket.”

“Ok,” she grabbed the phone from his pocket and walked to his bed to plug it in. 

“It’s charging. Feel free to come knock on my door if you’re dying, Ok?”

“Ok… Thank you y/n. Seriously,” he was quiet, but she knew he appreciated her. 

“Of course. What are friends for?”

She returned to her room, finally getting the chance to look at her phone. 

She had four texts from Sierra. 

OH MY GOD this Tom kid is my future husband stg

His friend Harrison is pretty cute too. We could double date. Jace would hate it ;)

TOM IS GOING TO WALK ME HOME LATER!! AHHHH!!!

It might be the alcohol, but I think I’m in love

She chuckled at her friend. Their romantic lives were exact opposites. Relationships were the last thing on y/n’s mind, love didn’t matter to her anymore. But to Sierra, EVERY-SINGLE approachable boy was automatically her new soulmate. Going to the mall with her was like going on Tinder. Y/n was annoyed by it initially, but she found it entertaining at this point in their friendship. 

Y/n waited up for Sierra, wanting to be sure she got home safe. When she heard the front door open, she peaked her head out of her bedroom. She heard Tom and Sierra exchange goodnight’s, and watched as he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before walking away. 

The blush on Sierra’s cheeks was evident even in the dark, as she closed the door with wide eyes. 

“Ok, for a heartless woman, even I thought that was adorable,” y/n whispered from her doorway. Sierra immediately turned to her, a giddy grin on her face. 

“He was such a gentleman. Those don’t exist around here. I told you, I am marrying him. I have dibs. Every other girl can suck it.”

********

On Monday morning, y/n woke up to her alarm loudly sounding off. She hated Monday’s because she had one of the only classes she cared about. She had it on Wednesday’s too, but skipping parties on a Tuesday was easier with her roommates. But Sunday nights were a little more difficult for her to turn in early. If she skipped class, she would feel guilty, but getting up at 7 am was hell. So when the alarm went off, she got up and threw on some pants and a sweater, bracing herself for the chilly morning. 

She walked into one of her few Photography classes, being 2 minutes early for the first time all year, despite having stopped for coffee on the way. She sat down near the door on the left side of the room, getting her laptop out of her bag and sighing in and effort to ready her brain for the lecture. 

It was a fairly small class, full of Visual Arts majors. Y/n wanted to be a photographer when she graduated, that was the reason she never skipped that class. Even if she got herself kicked out of the university, at least she would have soaked up some knowledge about what she actually wanted to do. 

There were only about 12 students in the class when the professor, Mr. Sullivan, walked in, quick to comment on her being there before him. She wasn’t teachers pet, but she definitely had a relationship with this professor. She wasn’t lacking talent and he was quick to pick up on it. He wished she had better work ethic, but he knew that nothing he said could change that in her. 

After the first few minutes, the full class was there, a measly 16 students. The professor was going over some kind of composition lecture, but y/n wasn’t exactly paying attention. She tried her best to not go out drinking on Sundays, specifically so she could go to her Monday morning class without a hangover, but Jace and Sierra had begged her to go out with them for a couple hours. They promised they would be home by 9 pm, but 9 turned to midnight, and by the time they were leaving, she was about 6 shots in. That was the point where she went over the line between tipsy and drunk. 

So she was definitely hungover that morning, despite drinking a couple cups of water before bed. She tried her hardest to pay attention, but her professors voice was monotone and seemed to fade to the background, her headache the only thing on the forefront of her mind. She grabbed the bottle of pills she kept in her bag, full of tylenol and allergy pills. She took a couple pain relievers with the coffee on her desk, before trying again to concentrate on the lesson. 

Halfway through the hour, her professor finally caught her attention by announcing that they were going to begin working on their midterm. 

“We are going to be partnering with one of my colleague’s Fashion Modeling classes. I want you to make a portfolio as if you were applying to be a fashion photographer. I know that isn’t the field a good chunk of you are interested in, but it’s a good source of income and you might find yourself doing it on the side at times. You’ll all be paired up with a model at the end of class, and together, next week, you will find a few different outfits that our theatre department is nice enough to lend to us. The portfolio will be due on the last Wednesday of the quarter, so you will have about 2 months to complete it.”

Y/n sighed, resisting the urge to bang her head on her desk. She had taken portraits of families and High School seniors to make money on the side, so she knew how the general public was on the other side of her camera, but the one time she had worked with an aspiring model, she wanted to punch the girl’s face in. She was so bossy and entitled, and she openly said that she could have taken better photos of herself. After that, y/n openly hated models. 

He continued on to show different examples of fashion photography from magazines and websites, being sure to go over every single tiny detail of his favorites. 

With about 15 minutes left in class, someone poked their head in the door, asking if his class could join them. The modeling class came in. There were 18 of them, meaning that 2 of the photographers were going to be having 2 models. The only thing that would have made the situation worse for y/n would have been having to work with two models instead of just one. 

“We took the liberty of pairing you up based on prior assignments,” her professor announced before starting to call off the names of partners. 

She breathed a sigh of relief when the second photographer with 2 models was called out, knowing she only had to deal with one diva. 

“Y/l/n, you will be photographing Harrison Osterfield.”

She looked around the room to see which model raised their hand. She was relieved that she would be working with a male model, and when she saw who was raising their hand, she was even more relieved to see the boy she had briefly met at the party on Friday night. He hadn’t seemed too horrible, so she had hope. 

The professors finished calling out names and released the students to meet their models, get acquainted, and exchange contact information so they could begin planning shoots. 

She said hello to Harrison as he approached her, opening her sketch app on her laptop, ready to begin planning shots. 

“You’re Sierra’s friend right?”

“Yeah, y/n,” she said, reaching out to shake his hand. 

“It’s nice to put a name to the face,” he smiled. 

“Here,” she said, writing her name and number on a piece of scrap paper. She tore the excess off and handed it to him with a small smile. 

He entered it into his phone, shooting her a text letting her know it was him. 

“When you have exchanged information, you guys are excused. We will be meeting back here first thing on Wednesday,” the modeling professor announced 

“Y/l/n, stay behind a second,” Mr. Sullivan called out before she could make her way out of the class. 

“Ohhhhh,” the boy sitting next to y/n whispered to her. 

“Oh, shut up, Rob,” she scowled, swatting at his shoulder, causing him to chuckle. 

Y/n packed up her belongings in her bag, and made her way up to the professors, leaving Harrison behind without so much as a glance goodbye.   

“So, y/l/n, we paired you two up for a reason. According to Mr. Reynolds over here, Harrison is the most promising model in his class. He asked me to pair him with my most talented.”

“And you didn’t give him to Robin?” she asked in false surprise, causing the professor to scoff. 

“Don’t be a dumb ass. But since I paired him up with you, that means you are going to be coming to class on time from here on out, right? And hopefully this is the last class you come to with a hangover.”

“Professor, you and I both know I am too young to drink. I would never come to my favorite class with a hangover. How dare you?” she said, sarcasm thick in the entire interaction. 

“They’re going to get along well,” Mr. Reynolds scoffed from the side. 

“I’m serious, y/n. You and I both know you have more potential than you are showing right now. This is my second year with you, and I am not going to go as easy on you as last year. I’ve let a lot of your behavior slide, but I am not going to be like that anymore. I want a perfected 15 shot portfolio from you. Anything less will earn you a failing grade.”

Her smug expression fell, “15? You told everyone else 10.”

“Well, congratulations, you are my most promising student, and I’ll be holding you to a higher standard for this assignment. Show me you can do it and your final will be the same as everyone else’s at the end of semester.”

“Ok, fine, but you better expect an extra photo at the end of my portfolio, a picture of a very specific finger.”

He laughed at her snark, knowing fully well that she was serious. She had turned in a photo just like that for one of her assignments the previous year. The composition fit the criteria exactly, so he hadn’t failed her, and that had started his interest in her as a pupil. 

“I’ll expect nothing less, I’ll see you on Wednesday, Ms. y/l/n.”

She smiled as she walked out the door, ready to go home and fall back asleep in her bed, but the boy in the doorway ruined her plans of that. 

“Wow, you really have some balls,” Harrison said and she passed him. 

“Were you listening to that whole thing?”

“Of course. I heard my name as I was walking out, so I had to eavesdrop. Glad to know I’m the most promising in my class, and that I’ll be working with the best photographer.”

“Oh, trust me, I am far from the best in my class. Sullivan just has some weird obsession with pushing me harder than anyone else. I think he thinks I am a prodigy or something, and he assumes that if he pushes me hard enough I’ll have some kind of breakthrough and become this amazingly famous photographer and I’ll owe it all to him. I would shut that theory down, but he lets me get away with a ton of shit because of it, so I let him think whatever he wants.”

“So if you aren’t this amazing photographer that he thinks you are, should I be worried about the midterm grade?”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about that. I have perfected the art of giving that man exactly what he wants. We’ll pass with flying colors.”

“Ok, good to know,” Harrison chuckled, “By the way, Tom hasn’t shut up about your friend since Friday night, in a very obnoxious way. Any chance she likes him too?”

“Why doesn’t he ask her himself?”

“Is that a yes?”

Of course y/n knew how much Sierra liked this guy. She had spent the weekend listening to her drone on and on about him, asking why he hadn’t texted back or complaining that he hadn’t shown up to the same parties. It had gotten old after the 17th time she had brought him up, so y/n understood where Harrison was coming from. 

“That’s her business. But if he wants to see her, we’re going to a party tonight. I can send you the address.”

“But it’s a Monday.”

“And?”

“Do you often go out on Monday nights?”

“Day of the week doesn’t matter. You want the address or not?”

“Sure, why not.”

“Ok, well I’m going to go sleep off this headache, I’ll send it to you later.”

She departed their path, leaving him smiling after her. He was amused by her. She was a small girl with the personality of a seasoned bouncer outside a nightclub. Something told him that working with her was going to be a difficult task though. 

Sure enough, a few hours later, he got a text from her. It was an address of a house about 20 minutes away from his shared apartment with Tom. Harrison was in his bedroom waiting for Tom to get home when he got it. He glanced at the message, too focused on the textbook in front of him to actually read it. He knew that if he was going to be going out that night, that he should get at least some of his work done beforehand. 

Tom came through the door, throwing his bag down on the floor in exhaustion. He had 2 back to back morning classes and then a 4 hour shift at work. He wanted to lounge for the rest of the night, but his plans were quickly ruined when Harrison appeared from his bedroom. 

“So guess what I did,” he called with a smug smile. 

“Good afternoon to you too,” Tom replied, collapsing onto their sofa. 

“You know that girl you won’t shut up about?”

Tom’s face lit up, eagerly asking Harrison to continue. 

“I got the address of a party she’ ll be attending tonight. Figured you would want to go.”

“But it’s Monday.”

“That’s what I said. Sounds like you found yourself a party girl. You want to go or not?”

Tom let out a loud groan. Of course he wanted to go, he had a huge crush on Sierra, but he didn’t want to stand up ever again. 

“Fine, when is it?”

“We’ll leave in 2 hours, lover boy.”

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I would love to hear any thoughts/feedback on this! I’ve been really nervous to post this since I have spent over a year working on it, so any kind of love with be MUCH appreciated. Love you all <3 

[softest-cinnamon-roll]

"you can be anything you wanna be, don't ever forget it?" for reddie 🥺

thank you so much ashbot! this fic literally only features a reddie mention, but I will continue it if you guys want more! It’s also set from Adrian’s point of view so have that! Also I have basically switched the losers an Adrian/Don’s ages around don’t @ me. 

* * * * *

Adrian walked into the local diner, texting his boyfriend, Don as he moved. There was a table right in the corner that Adrian always sat in. It was close enough to the door, and right next to a window meaning that if he was to enter an asthma attack, there was a quick escape. As it was a Thursday, there weren’t many people around, which was just how Adiran liked it, and he glanced at the clock. Don would be here any minute and until then, Adrian decided that a little people watching wouldn’t do much harm.

His eyes started by the entrance, scanning over the elderly couple sipping on their tea and nibbling into the scones. Adrian couldn’t help but smile to himself at the simplicity of it all, that after all the years they had probably been together, they still managed to find the time and energy to go out for a treat together. Leaving the couple to it, Adrian’s eyes moved further into the diner, landing on a man in a suit, tapping away on his laptop and talking quietly into a headpiece. He didn’t blame the man, as Thursday was a quiet day.

Finally, Adrian’s eyes drifted to the only other people in the diner at that time. At the table down from him, sat a slightly overweight woman and her young son, probably no older than four. His legs were swinging back and forth as he stared at the carrot sticks in front of him, before his head moved back to the large cabinet full of cakes and sweets. Since they were only a few tables away, Adrian could make out their conversation and he had to hold back a wince. Just from the small bit he could catch, it was clear that this mother was, what he would describe as, an entitled parent.

“Mommy, please can I have a little bit of cake?” The boy asked, his fingers twitching on the table and Adrian felt sorry for the poor kid. His mother gasped, loud enough to turn some heads and she shook her own head violently.

“Eddie bear! How could you even suggest such a thing? You know that you’re allergic to sugar! Do you want your mommy to have to rush you to the hospital and be faced with a huge bill just because you wanted a little piece of cake? I don’t think you do. You don’t want to hurt mommy do you?” Her voice was sickly sweet and condescending, which made Adrian develop the inkling that the kid didn’t actually have a sugar allergy.

Just then, the door to the diner opened, and Don walked in, waving in Adrian’s direction as he made his way over, taking a seat in the booth opposite him, “Hey, sorry for keeping you waiting, traffic was horrendous,” he rolled his eyes and leaned across the table, pecking Adrian on the lips, making him smile.

They were frequent customers at the diner, and all of the staff knew them by name, which was why they didn’t feel the need to hide their affection when they ate there. Of course, there was still the occasional roll of the eyes from the odd customer, but most of them were regulars too, and were used to it by now. So when the deep sigh and loud ‘ahem’ came from behind them, it took both Adrian and Don by surprise.

Adrian looked up first and he inwardly groaned when he came face to face with the entitled mother of the little boy. Upon closer inspection, he realised that he knew this woman, and his annoyance only intensified. Her name was Sonia Kaspbrak and she was a member of his Aunt’s book club, for years in fact. That was his aunt’s reasoning for not kicking her out, as she couldn’t deal with all the backlash that would come with it. She was religious, overbearing and...entitled. Which meant the little boy with her was Eddie Kaspbrak, her poor unfortunate son.

“Yes?” Adrian spoke up, raising an eyebrow. Just out of spite, he reached over and laced his fingers with Don’s. This woman had no control over him and was in no way about to dictate how he acted with his boyfriend. His glare met hers and he just knew he had started a war.

Sonia Kaspbrak glared down at him, her face going a dark red colour, “You shouldn’t be flaunting this around town where little kids can see it. You’re going to turn them into one of you and I will not have you infect my child with your...your illness.” She spat and Don winced across from him.

“We aren’t bothering anyone,” Adrian replied calmly. “It was you who chose to come over here and ruin our lunch. Now if you don’t mind could you leave us alone? We are trying to have a nice lunch.”

Turns out, that was not the right thing to say, and Sonia slammed her hand down on the table, making the two of them jump. “You’re not welcome in this town. You- you homo’s need to leave and get some serious help. You are all sick in the head. God never intended for this, not a chance. You are going to hell.”

Adrian blinked and was about to respond when a small voice came from behind the angry woman, and Eddie Kaspbrak’s head peeked out from behind her legs, eyes wide and curious. “Mommy...what’s a homo?” He asked, looking up at her. “Why are you yelling?”

The gasp that left Sonia’s mouth was one Adrian would never forget and she whipped her head back around, pointing a finger at him. “You- you have corrupted my son! Look what you’ve done!”

“Oh my god lady, this is ridiculous. It’s the 21st Century not the Stone Age,” Adrian rolled his eyes, and knowing that there was no turning back, he turned to face and address Eddie. “Homosexuals, it’s a word for when a man loves another man and wants to be with him. There is nothing wrong with that.”

Suddenly, Sonia screeched and covered Eddie’s ears, “Don’t you dare speak to my son! Don’t you even look at him! You have infected his mind with your words and I deserve some sort of compensation for this! I will be reporting you to the mayor and he will not be happy to know you are corrupting his town!”

“Mommy, does that mean that Richie and I can get married when we’re older?” Eddie asked, pulling away from her and looking back at Adrian. “Richie is my bestest best friend in the whole world. I want to spend time with him all the time and I love him, just like you said! Does that mean I’m a homo- that word you said?” He didn’t manage to get an answer as Sonia wrapped a rough hand around his too small wrist and started to drag him away.

“Edward, you will go sit in the car right now. Do not disobey me and you are never to mention that word ever again!” Sonia screeched and even though she had moved away from the table, Adrian was involved and so he followed her. “As for Richie Tozier, he is a dirty boy, just like those boys and you aren’t to be friends with him anymore.”

Tears filled Eddie’s eyes and Adrian felt his heart break at the sight. He marched forward and stood in Sonia’s line of vision. “Hey lady, you can’t go around calling little kids words like that. You say we’re the ones corrupting society, it’s actually you with your small minded views. You’re the one who needs some serious help.” He turned back around to Eddie and knelt down, ignoring Sonia’s insults. “Hey kid. You can be whatever you wanna be and don’t you forget it. Okay?” He asked, lifting his pinky.

Eddie sniffed and linked their pinkies together, nodding his head with a smile. “I won’t mister! Thank you!” He grinned, only for that smile to vanish as his mother shoved Adrian away and pulled Eddie out of the diner, to the car. It was a few moments until she drove away, leaving dust in her wake. The diner fell silent and the waitress walked over and smiled at him.

“That was a really nice thing you did,” she spoke. “Eddie comes in here with Sonia all the time and he always looks so sad as she won’t let him have any sweets.” She moved over to the table and started cleaning up.

Adrian followed to help and Don joined them shortly after, giving Adrian’s wrist a squeeze. “I heard her say that Eddie was allergic to sugar,” he muttered after a while and the waitress frowned, looking at him. “What?”

She shook her head, “That’s not possible. Before his father died, he would come in here and they would share a banana split. When he comes in with his mother, she always makes him drink black tea, so I sneak a sugar cube in there for taste. He’s definitely not allergic to sugar.”

At the news, Adrian felt his blood boil and he reached into his pocket for his inhaler, taking a few gulps. This woman was lying to her son, making him believe he was sick when he wasn’t. His eyes met Don’s and he could tell that his boyfriend knew exactly what he was thinking.

No matter what, Adrian was going to help Eddie Kaspbrak.

* * * * *

@3tothe1 @anellope @annxmatron @appojoos @are-you-reddie-for-it @beepbeeprichiellc @bi-bi-richie @billdenbrough @bitchbrak @callmechee @dadbodrichie @derrylosers @disneyfan567 @eds-trashmouth @eduardoandale @feldmancorey @girasol-eddie @gloire-celeste @halfway-happy353 @hawkinsbabe @inthebreadbinwrites @itfandomprompts @its-stranger-than-you-think @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @kat-ships-everything @lifesucksheres20bucks @loserslibrary @losers-gotta-stick-together @madi-main @mars-14 @marsisaplanetyall @moonlightrichie @nancynwheeler @no-she-wasnt-reddie @oldguybones @photoboothreddie @pink-psychic @purplepoisonedgem @queen-sock @ransonelovebot @rebecca-the-queen @reddie-for-anything @reddie-to-cryy @reddieforlove @reddiesetandgo @richietoaster  @roobarrtrashmouth @rreddies @s-onora @s-s-georgie @sashadrowned @sedanleystanley @sloppybitchreddie @sparklingrainbowdragon @spirited-marvel @stebbins @stellarbisexual @studpuffin @takeourpure @that-weird-girls-blog @thegoshdiddlydangdoor @thejadeazalea @thorn-harvester-ven @tinyarmedtrex @tozier-boy @tozierking @toziesque @trashmouthtozierr @twoidiotsinl0ve @ultrapaninibred @vanity190 @violetreddie @virgo-luthie @wilding-throught-thehallways @xandertheundead  

[penzyroamin]

Is the style of fics you write the same as the style of fics you read? How are they similar? How are they different? Are there things you like in other people’s writing that you want to try to incorporate into your own writing? Are there things you like in other people’s writing that you do not want to incorporate into your own writing?

oh, this is INTERESTING.

i think the content is more similar than the style-- i really like reading and writing things that are very focused on the characters and their growth and relationships rather than a big plot. i think the style of what i read vs. what i write varies a lot-- for example, i really focus on moments of introspection while @landlessbud and @thefactsofthematter orient their writing around atmosphere and dialogue, respectively. even in the simplest terms of the way we write and arrange words it varies-- kath's tone is a lot more humorous and her writing is very much based in internal monologues-- you get all these delightful clever quips and jokes. bud's is sort of split between an external pov and the internal monologues of their characters, and their humor is a lot more tongue-in-cheek and based in irony. @weisenbachfelded has a really cool way of developing emotion through internal monologues and creating humor through dialogue and situations that i think is a cool reversal of the way some of us write comedy! this might sound weird but i dont just randomly read fic, usually it's either recommended to me by a friend or written by a friend, so looking at their styles is really fun for me because i love them!! and they're so talented!! fuck.

also a side note-- i think it's really neat that i can see people's interests in their writing!! @benafee (hey, that's you!) and bud's interests in academia and different historical settings leads to really rich atmospheres and plots for period pieces/historical aus. ella likes painting and visual art, and she creates really beautiful color symbolism, imagery, and connections to art

some things in their writing i try to emulate-- bud's descriptions and atmosphere. FUCK. the scene from the substitute where jack first goes to sarah and kath's place lives in my head rent free. mj's kiss scenes. i am not at all ashamed to admit that they KNOW how fucking good they are at writing kisses. jfc. also, in general, mj builds tension and will-they-wont-they situations really well and it's something i really try to draw from. @thetruthabouttheboy / @querxes creates the most IMPECCABLE goddamn tone i swear to god. specifically the way madi writes small-town settings has such a distinct feel to it and ill never recover from it. @livingchancy just... ugh. queen. ella ily. she so wonderfully develops themes and motifs and symbols to the point that i feel like im reading an actual novel. specific shoutout to the pure fury that washed through me when i realized that jekyll from blue moon was a symbol for daveys willingness to be vulnerable and open w jack and luna and i immediately texted her like JEKYLL??? IS DAVEY???? and she laughed at me for an hour.

things that i love that i dont necessarily want to emulate: madi and @ren-sauce 's horrifying ability to write engaging, violent action. it's so well written but i cannot write violence it kills me. special shoutout to the super-fast, intense variety of violence that czernobog channels and the insane ability ren has to make insanely gross zombie violence hilarious at the same time.

anyways,,,, my friends are talented and i love them a lot. all of their writing is super engaging in different ways and i love that!!! truly do not know why they tolerate me xx

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[macklives]

hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10. 

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.