back 2 u 𝜗𝜚
p. jisung x fem!reader smau
in which jisung does his best to avoid you, his ex, until he realizes his mistake far too latecw: suggestive themes, bad angst, cheating, swearing
i'm not going back, back, back, back, back
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chapter iii. (wc: .8k)
If you had to use one word to describe meeting Park Jisung it would be easy. Everything with him felt easy.
You had been a shy girl growing up, finding it hard to get along with your peers due to your timid nature. By some lucky fortune, you were paired up with Huang Renjun in your freshman year science class. It had been an elective, meaning you were able to share a class with him although being two years your senior. You had seen him here and there, yet never talked to him for obvious reasons. You were reserved and he looked like he was one second away from yelling at whoever dared interact with him. You thought so, at least, until he handed you a candy your second day of school. He grinned at you with no malice in his eyes, and that’s when you realized it was worth crawling out of your own shell to talk to him.
It took you both around a year to decide you were each other’s best friends. Even during your junior year when you met Yangyang and Dejun, you still never felt as though they could replace Renjun - nobody could. Renjun continued to prove you wrong, introducing you to Park Jisung in your last year of high school. He had graduated at that point, alongside Yangyang and Dejun who you only met after they had left, and the thought of being alone again made you miserable, until Renjun offered to introduce you to his younger friend who was in the same year as you. He had warned you that the taller male was shy, and you simply giggled, joking about how you obviously were as well.
Renjun was, of course, right. Jisung was incredibly shy, yet for some reason it comforted you - knowing you wouldn’t have to worry about being judged or made fun of. Although your relationship resembled that of two timid middle schoolers who obviously had crushes on each other, you found his company to be endearing.
It was no surprise to any of your mutual friends when Jisung asked you out. The scene was straight out of a cheesy rom com - he bought you your favorite flowers, drove you to a pretty hill (the steering wheel of his car was slippery and drenched with sweat), and surprised you with a cute picnic. After stumbling on his words for a solid five minutes, he finally asked you the question you were dying to hear.
“C-can I be your boyfriend, Y/nie?”
You obviously said yes, moved to tears by his romantic gestures. After that, everything felt right. Hanging out with your friends all the while holding his hand and whispering little secrets to him. Eating lunch every day together near your favorite pink leafed tree. It was everything you had dreamed of. He was perfect.
“Did you think I just wouldn’t find out, Y/n?” Your whole body shook as tears wracked up. “Ji, please. Just listen to me. I don’t know who lied to you but that’s what this is… It’s all lies-” “How come I have evidence then? I was here all alone last night waiting for today so we could hang out, and this whole time you were out kissing random men.” Jisung had never been this bold, or confrontational. Had it been any other situation, you would’ve felt proud for how stable he was defending himself. Of course, this wasn’t the case.
Before you could answer, Jisung quickly paced into his room. You chased after him the fastest you could, yet were met by a slammed door on your face. “Please baby. Open the door.” His voice came out muffled in response, “Don’t call me that. You… You disgust me, Y/n.” You cried harder.
Eventually he opened the door, a box full of framed photos, clothes, and random trinkets you had gotten for him residing in it. With a force you had never seen him use before, he roughly shoved the box into your arm, grabbing the other and pushing you towards the exit of the apartment. He was too entranced in the situation to realize you were clawing at his arm, begging for him to let go - his hold on you a bit too strong that it worried you. Nonetheless, it was short lived as he made quick work to open the door, pushing you out.
“I’m serious Y/n. Don’t talk to me anymore. Or anybody… I’m telling Renjun.” “No! No… Jisung please, you’re going to ruin everything when you don’t even know-", "I’m the one that ruined things? Just get out.” Your efforts were in vain as once again, the door was slammed on your face, leaving you in both shock and tears.
That would be the last time you’d see him in a while.
a/n: haiiii... this is a context chapter sorry guys ik they can get boring... but dw i already have the next one finished so it will be updated soon. very soon. :3
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Month 4, day 13
Did a lot today! Also did nothing else today lol. I have legit been at this for somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 to 8 hours. I don't remember when I started but I do remember checking the clock at around 5pm after I'd been at it for awhile, and it is now past 10:30pm. So... yeah. I had fun :D
This is the result of parts 2 and 3 of the tutorial series I'm following (I should probably link those more often). Also I made more trees from part 1 just because I could (and also I wanted the practice, but mostly because I could). I... may have been having too much fun modeling things. The second part of the tutorial was for the non-tree plants, and I did way more than the tutorial called for.
I have six trees, 11 grasses, 4 flowers, and 7 ferns (or whatever those plants are supposed to be). The tutorials only called for three trees, five grasses, four flowers, and six ferns. At least I got the number of flowers right? But, uh, I gave the flowers more colors than I was supposed to and set it up so the bundles of flowers are all different colors instead of all the same. So still did more than I should have :P
The third part of the tutorial series was setting up the environment and getting it ready to spread plants all over it. So we made the ground, the hills in the background, and the sky. The sky I'm most excited about making, because I plan to abuse my sky-making privileges when I go to make the swords finally >:D Actually pretty much everything I learned in these tutorials I'll be using in one way or another for the swords, but being able to make my own sky means I can get ~*fancy*~ with the environments I put the swords in :D
Cinta my beloved your sword is gonna be dope as fuck
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day 5: AU!!
i decided to draw my own take on the "paper star and carmen escape VILE together" au that has been floating around in my head for months and has a near incoherent three thousand word brainstorming doc to prove it
i also tried to redesign carmen, who i've decided calls herself cardinal in this au because there is no cookie booker escape with the coat and hat (paper star also influences the name).
i took inspo from harajuku fashion which i think is what PS is designed on also? i figured that since carmen sandiego adopted the first article of clothing she ever put on as her trademark that cardinal would just copy paper stars style and i think thats fun
so anyway. they're messy, they're gay, and they definitely have a big dramatic betrayal where they realize that there was never a future in which they could be together or something like that
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I don’t think people realize how all consuming October 7, the war and the rising antisemitism is to most Jews right now. I was just on a five day family trip and nearly every single conversation ended up circling back to what’s going on in Israel, across the world and at home. My mom knew Vivian Silver, an incredible peace activist thought to be held hostage and I had to sit there and watch her realize that not only was Vivian murdered at her home 38 days before but that she was likely burned if it took this long for her body to be identified. I was forced to sit there and watch my mom, my favorite woman in the world, watch her face crumple. We were sharing updates, accounts to follow, venting and releasing frustrations. It is a constant unbreakable struggle right now for me and most Jews I know to not be glued to our phones, to not pay attention. Because we’ve seen what happens when we don’t. Because we can’t afford to turn our backs on what’s going on. And there’s a deep ever present grief not only for the victims of October 7th, the innocent citizens of Gaza, the hostages and also for my own personal sense of safety and security. I am also grieving what is a shattering beyond measure of my present and future trust in people as I’ve witnessed how easily well intentioned kind hearted people have decided to say nothing, publicly or privately, or who have quickly fallen into vicious antisemitic rhetoric. I’m just sharing into the void at this point but it’s been unimaginably hard on a personal level. I’m not the same person I was when I went to bed on October 6. It’s as though I’m a shadow, made of grief and anger and tiny fractured bits of hope. Every piece of joy feels as though it’s been muted because of how quickly it fades. And even the moments that last are related to my Jewish identity somehow. I am not sure where I go from here.
Have a cat gif for reading all of that
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It's hilariously therapeutic to watch Cutthroat Kitchen because a lot of the time, when a man loses, he has the funniest little reaction.
Like even if the judge was very clear and explicit about why he got voted off, he'll be like "I thought my dish was great. I shouldn't have been voted off. I deserved to win, because I'm a good chef no matter what the judge said." (When they've done things like serve uncooked meat or used a plain century egg as garnish)
Like goddamn, people are surviving just fine, without constantly being upset with themselves for small mistakes? They can even ignore huge mistakes and chose to believe they are perfect, and apparently this has been a successful survival technique for them because they're still alive.
So maybe I can forgive myself for small things. Maybe I can be nice to myself about it. Apparently I could even lie to myself about it and pretend it wasnt a big deal or wasnt my fault I'd probably be fine--so it's probably okay if I let some cereal expire, and if I can't fend off the guilt and self-loathing about it, then its a valid option to just say "well its the cereal's fault for expiring" or something silly to escape the pointless unbearable guilt.
Like I don't plan to do that for meaningful mistakes, but why not resort to Overconfident Man Confidence to dodge debilitating shame over throwing away a single paper bag that I've been reusing for months and it's finally beyond use but I feel like I'm wasting resources and should fix it? My guilt and shame aren't playing fair or logical so I am allowed to use sneaky tricks like "borrowing confidence from a man raised to believe he is never wrong" to fight back lol.
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