#that's for me to know and you to judge :P

[insidekatmind]

Meet my sister P.7-Jude Bellingham

plot: Federico Valverde wants to introduce his younger sister to Jude, his teammate. He hoped that something romantic would be born between them seeing that their characters were perfect together but things take a different turn

Federico’s house had been transformed for the occasion: soft lighting, music playing in the background, and tables full of food and drinks. The party was the perfect way to unwind after an intense week, and Federico had worked hard to ensure everything was flawless.

As the first guests started to arrive, Federico took a moment to gather his teammates in the living room, determined to set a few clear rules. He crossed his arms and gave them a stern look while they, already holding drinks, watched him with a mix of curiosity and amusement.

“Alright, listen up,” Federico began, his tone firm. “This party is for you guys, so have fun, but there are two things I won’t tolerate: one, anyone going overboard and causing a mess in my house; and two, anyone arguing with my sister.”

At those words, Vinicius, who was leaning casually against the couch with a drink in hand, burst out laughing. “Oh, Fede, you’re always the same! You sound like a bodyguard!” he teased, shaking his head. “No arguing with your sister, got it, Jude?” he added, throwing a pointed look at the Englishman.

Jude, who had remained stoic up until that moment, gave a sarcastic smile. “I don’t even know why you’re worried, Valverde. I’m not the problem here.”

Rodrygo, sitting next to Jude, couldn’t resist shooting him a mischievous glance. “Oh, really? You’re not the problem? Funny, because judging by how you looked at her at the restaurant, it seemed like the problem was all yours.”

“Rodrygo, shut up,” Jude muttered, shooting him a warning glare, a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“See?” Federico interjected, throwing his hands up. “This is exactly the kind of behavior I don’t want to see tonight. I’m serious, Jude, don’t make me regret inviting you.”

Jude rolled his eyes. “Relax, Valverde. I can tolerate your sister for a few hours.”

“We’ll see about that,” Vinicius quipped with a sly grin. “But I bet the two of you will be clashing again before the night’s over.”

Federico sighed, shaking his head, but decided to drop the subject. “You’ve been warned. Now behave yourselves, or I’ll throw you all out.”

As Federico walked off to greet more guests, Vinicius sidled up to Jude, giving him a playful pat on the shoulder. “So, are you ready for another battle with the boss’s sister?”

“There won’t be any battles,” Jude replied coolly, though his expression betrayed a hint of curiosity.

Rodrygo chuckled softly, leaning on the armrest of the couch. “Oh, Jude, Jude… you and her are like fire and gasoline. I can’t wait to see what happens tonight.”

Jude flashed a mischievous smirk at Rodrygo’s comment, shrugging as if he didn’t care. But just as he was about to reply, his gaze wandered across the room and froze on you.

You had just walked in, chatting with one of your friends, wearing a short dress that accentuated every curve. The snug fabric and simple design highlighted your figure perfectly. Your hair was styled effortlessly, and your radiant smile caught everyone's attention. Jude couldn’t help but smirk as his eyes traveled from your head to your toes, lingering on your legs before shamelessly settling on your backside.

"Man, you're falling for it, and you don't even realize it," Vinicius whispered, barely suppressing his laughter.

Rodrygo, noticing Jude’s change in expression, nudged him on the shoulder. “Oh, look who’s completely lost his cool. Do you like what you see, Jude?” he teased, laughing.

"Shut up," Jude muttered, but the faint blush creeping up his cheeks betrayed him.

“Don’t tell us to shut up,” Kylian chimed in with a grin. “You’re the one practically undressing her with your eyes!”

Jude shot them an annoyed look but didn’t respond. Instead, his eyes drifted back to you, watching how effortlessly you moved through the crowd. For a moment, he wondered how someone could be so infuriatingly perfect.

Then, as if you sensed his stare, you turned in his direction. Your eyes met his, and Jude held your gaze with that arrogant smile of his, tilting his head slightly as if to challenge you. You raised an eyebrow, an expression you knew would fuel his irritation even more. With a faint smirk, you turned away, completely ignoring him, and resumed your conversation with your friend.

“Oh, it’s over,” Vinicius whispered, chuckling under his breath. “There’s no escape, Jude. She’s the one taming you.”

“Not a chance,” Jude shot back, shrugging as though unaffected. But deep down, he knew Vinicius wasn’t entirely wrong.

---

The music filled the air as the party continued, but you had momentarily moved toward the counter, away from the noise of the living room. You were sipping your drink, enjoying a few moments of peace, when you felt that unmistakable sensation: a gaze burning into you.

You didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was.

Jude had gotten up from the couch, carrying himself with that confident air that seemed to be an integral part of his personality. He approached slowly, holding a glass in his hand and wearing that mischievous smirk you knew all too well.

“Nice dress,” he began, stopping next to you, close enough for you to catch a whiff of his cologne. “Though, I have to say, it seems more like a weapon for distraction than just a piece of clothing.”

You turned toward him, raising an eyebrow. “Thanks,” you replied with a sweet but sarcastic smile. “I guess it works well for distraction, considering you seem to be the one who’s confused here.”

Jude chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Confused, me? No, I’m just observing. You know, it’s rare to see someone who enjoys provoking as much as you do without thinking of the consequences.”

“Oh, really? Because it seems like you’re the one who can’t stay away from me,” you shot back, your tone lightly teasing. “Don’t tell me you find me... interesting.”

Jude tilted his head, his eyes glinting with clear challenge. “Interesting? Maybe. Annoying? Definitely. But I’ll admit, you know how to grab attention—and not just mine.”

A laugh escaped you, genuine yet sharp. “Wow, what an honor! The great Jude Bellingham has noticed me. Too bad your ego is the only thing that’s taller than you.”

Jude narrowed his eyes slightly, holding back a smile as he stepped closer, further closing the distance between you. “And your attitude is the only thing sharper than your tongue,” he retorted.

“Well, someone has to keep you in check,” you replied with a shrug, looking at him nonchalantly.

“You? Keep me in check?” Jude shook his head incredulously. “You’re adorable when you try to dominate a conversation, you know that?”

That word, adorable, sparked something in your eyes, and Jude noticed, amused. It was a challenge he had no intention of losing. But you weren’t the type to let him have the upper hand.

His smile grew wider as he stepped closer to you, each step bringing him nearer. The distance between you was closing, and you could feel his warm breath brush against your skin. Jude wasn’t trying to hide his interest anymore, but he did it in that arrogant way that both annoyed and intrigued you.

“You’re always so hard to read,” he said in a lower voice, almost like he was whispering a secret just for you. “I don’t know if you like me, or if you’re just having fun making me lose my mind.”

You shrugged lightly, a soft laugh escaping your lips, but your gaze remained intense. “Maybe a bit of both,” you replied, “But I think you’re losing it more over your wounded pride than over me.”

Jude laughed again, but this time, it was less playful and more charged with something else. A game. A challenge. Without saying anything else, he got even closer, and with a sudden movement, ran his fingers through a strand of your hair, watching you intently as if that was the only way to truly understand you.

His eyes locked with yours, as if he wanted to read every thought passing through your mind. It was a casual movement, but you could feel the growing tension, and his gaze no longer slid over you like usual. He was studying you, savoring every moment of your reaction.

He looked at you again, this time without a trace of sarcasm. “Don’t you think I could make you do anything, if I wanted to?” he whispered.

His tone sent a shiver down your spine, but you didn’t back away. “Maybe,” you answered with a mischievous smile, “But I doubt you could keep me under control.”

He took another step closer, his body almost touching yours, and the air between you seemed more electric than ever. The challenge was now open, and Jude seemed ready to face it, but you had no intention of giving in easily.

“I like the way you think,” he said, his challenging smile not fading, “But let’s see if you’re just as good at not giving in… under pressure.”

Your mischievous smile left no doubt about your intentions. Your hand slowly slid over his chest, moving across the muscular lines of his abs, and you could feel his breath become heavier, his eyes changing expression, growing more intense and full of desire.

Jude was about to lose control, his grip slipping, but you knew. You could feel it in the tension of his body, in his hands ready to take you, but you had no intention of giving in so easily. In a moment, without warning, you gently pushed him back, making him step back with a firm move. Jude stood there, surprised, with short breath and his heart pounding in his chest.

"Not today," you whispered with an ironic smile, before turning and walking away, leaving him there, watching you as you left.

His friends, who had been watching the scene from afar, couldn't help but laugh. Vinicius shook his head, amused, while Mbappé chuckled softly. Rodrygo, with a mischievous grin, approached Jude, who still seemed to be in shock.

"She just put jude in his place," Vinicius said, laughing.

Jude stayed silent for a moment, then turned to his friends with a forced smile. "It’s not over," he murmured, as if making a promise, though he wasn’t sure what would happen next after that scene.

But one thing was clear: the challenge had only just begun.

[lizardho]

I think the worst day I had as a missionary is hard to pin down – for comedy bad day stories, I like to talk about my cute companion who ripped three pairs of pants in one day because his ass was so fat. Literally, two in the morning, we missed 3 appointments in the afternoon because people kept cancelling on us, and we ended up far away from home visiting “Less Actives” in the downtown area. We find a family who says we can come in once their dad get home, and we sit down to wait for the dad to get in and RIIIPPP goes the third pair of slacks this man wore that day. I hand him my suit jacket and he wraps it around his waist like a bashful adolescent who just started his period at an inconvenient time. We catch a ride home on a bus and ended up home an hour early. He cried for like 30 minutes while stitching up his pants, and I got to rest a lot more than expected that day. We ordered a 4-cheese pizza and went to bed early that night, having walked probably 5-6 miles that day knocking doors and getting turned away.

Another bad day was the day the Mexico City Temple was re-opening. It was a funny experience for me because the evening before I was contacted by the Mission President and told that an elder in our district had confessed some serious sins to him and that those sins precluded him from going to the temple. The MP told me that nobody in this elder’s ward could get time off to babysit him so he was begging one of us – I didn’t want to go to the temple, it was a crappy way to spend a P-Day in my opinion, so I told the MP I’d do it. I spent the day eating popsicles and napping with an elder who, in between Bolis and naps, would shakily and tearfully confess that no fewer than half of his companions had secret phones they used to watch porn, hire prostitutes, and buy drugs. This was bewildering to me since I had been Trying So Hard my whole mission and had always felt inadequate, and these elders who were doing better than me and more respected than me were somehow out here fucking, doing drugs, and jorkin’ it.

I was actually in a “Punishment Area” at the time because in my last area one of my life-threateningly attractive companions had gone into the homes of widows to repair their electrical wirings (he was a trained electrician prior to going on a mission.) Being alone in the home of an 80-year-old widow with failing lights was “against the rules” to the extent that me mandaron a la goma, and some handful of guys I’d been told to view as role models were out here breaking actual laws and shit. Of course, I knew in my heart of hearts that I was in this area because of the Deep Evil that Lay Within My Heart (wanting to kiss Elder Electrician on his stupid himbo lips) but my MP could not have known that, just like he didn’t know that the guys he was making Zone Leaders were getting their dicks sucked and snorting cocaine. That honestly felt outrageous to me.

I feel like the stereotypical “worst day” of a mission is the last day – they take you to the airport in a big van, all melancholy and nostalgic. We sang on our drive to the airport – elders and sisters tearfully sang or hummed hymns together. I was deadpan the whole time, it was such a relief to be going home. For me the worst part of the day was the relief – the release of pressure. The pressure to perform, to be “on,” to be at your best, is omnipresent for elders. I was the only person flying to Phoenix, so for the first time in two years I felt a release from that pressure. Nobody was scrutinizing me, I no longer felt that every thought, action, and feeling was being evaluated and judged as a sign of my true character. It was hard to realize, a the pressure let up, that I had been holding all that weight for two years without knowing when it had started. I remember getting confused in Customs and needing someone who spoke Spanish to talk to me because I kept forgetting words in English. I remember getting home and my family waiting for me and feeling like it was all finally done, finally over, I could finally breath. It didn’t feel bad, but it did feel heavy. And it definitely was not the worst day of my mission.

The actual worst day of my mission, though, was about 5 months in. At the 6-month mark I was expected to make a long trip down to an area of town near La Basilica de Guadalupe to submit my visa paperwork, and the mission office had sent me an extra $500 MX to use for transportation costs. When I withdrew the money they had sent for the month, I noticed it was higher than expected. My companion, a senior companion and district leader, had the cell phone. He was talking to another elder while he waited for me to withdraw my monthly deposit. I approached and asked if I could use the cell phone to call the mission office, as I had questions. He said ��no,” and ignored me. I waited until the conversation ended and asked again, and again, angrily, he said, “No.” I said “Elder, relax, I just need to call the mission office to see why they sent me more this month than usual.” His face turned red as he realized other elders were watching the exchange occur. He handed me the phone, I called and was told the money was for transportation costs, and laughingly returned the phone to my companion. He took it, told the other elders he needed to tie his shoe but they could head on over to the District Meeting, and waited until they were out of eyesight. Once that was done, he grabbed me hard by the wrist, dragged me into a hidden corner out of earshot from others, and said, “If you ever disrespect me or my authority again I swear to God I will kill you.”

I was actually shocked. This guy had spent the last month and a half being SUPER nice to me, so I thought he was kidding and I was just confused. I laughed and said “Haha, yeah, your authority over the cell phone is sacred,” and tried to walk away but he didn’t let go of my wrist. He pulled me back and said “I will literally slit your throat if you ever talk to me like that again. As senior companion my authority over YOU is sacred, and I will not let God be mocked by you.”

I realized that he was serious. Like, actually threatening-my-life serious. I could see it in his eyes, I could feel it in the way he squeezed tighter on my wrist. In actuality, the idea seems laughable now. The guy was absolutely chickenshit. He cried if his shits were too hard, he couldn’t end a human life, but I still didn’t let myself fall asleep first for the rest of our time together. And I still hid the two knives we had in a different area while he was showering the next morning.

If I’m being honest though, even that wasn’t the worst day of my mission. That was bad, and each subsequent time he told me he was going to cut my throat for minor infractions against his God-Given Authority Over Me (like not wearing a belt for morning scripture study, or not taking the path he thought was best to get to a lesson) was a bad day. Every P-Day where he read my emails over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t telling my parents about how he was treating me, every day he told me that the ward members would never believe me over him, every day he put me down in front of other elders and they laughed in agreement, every day he was in a bad mood and took it out on me was a bad day. But the worst day was the day I told the mission president about it. I told him about the threats to my life, his temper, his physical abuse, hiss manipulation and rule-breaking, and the mission president told me “The time to tell me this was 6 months ago. The time to forgive him and focus on your own failings is now.”

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as confused or betrayed as I did then. Like, man oh man, that was a rough thing to hear, but as the day went on I kept feeling more and more confused and scared – had I misinterpreted everything? Had I miscommunicated something in telling the story? Had I not been objective enough in recounting the threats against my life? Was it true that a senior companion actually had the authority to hurt me if I went against his authority? Was I wrong the whole time? I had no idea, to be honest, but it was bewildering.

Knowing now what I wish I had known then, I would have done things differently. But in the moment, on a mission, knowing that my biggest reason for going on a mission was the hope that the Spirit of God, which hymns told me burns like fire, would burn the faggot out of my heart. I think I felt like I deserved it. Like somehow that elder knew the evil I was hiding and felt compelled by God’s power to hurt me. I think that’s what made it so hard to defend myself in the moment – I did not have that problem with other elders. The companion who told me we were gonna wrestle to settle an argument lost three consecutive matches and pouted about it for like a week. The elder who threatened to punch me for making a joke at his expense got knocked on his ass just for raising his fist. But this elder got into my head first, and that made it hard to fight against it. Instead of fighting against it, I just silently lived with actual, verifiable, diagnosed, by-the-book, DSM-5-TR Posttraumatic Stress Disorder because I thought I deserved it. It took consistent supervision of my clinical work revealing countertransference with Male LDS clients (I consistently discussed addressing shame in a client’s presentation where no shame or discomfort had been reported), an awkward conversation with @inbabylontheywept after an even more awkward dinner with a cousin who vaguely reminds me of that companion, and a bad acid trip where I had visceral flashbacks to my mission, before I was able to realize that I was living with a pain that was as abnormal as it was unnecessary.

Even once I realized it, even once I got help, it was hard. I remember telling jokes about what happened to my therapist and seeing her jaw just…drop. She said she didn’t know it had been that dangerous for me. The session ended and he sent me the PCL-5 (a good, evidence-based, highly face-valid measure for PTSD) and some other measure for dissociative symptoms and I was like “Girl, I just took this class, I know what you’re trying to measure and this ain’t it.” I reported my symptoms accurately and was fully prepped to confront her the next session. She showed me my scores and the norms used, and I was like “Oh fuck, this looks really bad on paper,” and she was like “Yeah, I can’t imagine living like this” and I just sobbed for most of that session. We ended up doing 9 months of TF-CBT and ACT (largely because I am a terrible and uncooperative patient, realistically I think I could have been done in like 5-6 months if I wasn’t so stubborn) before I was discharged from treatment successfully.

The thing that was so weird about starting therapy for PTSD was that it made things feel worse for a while. I started taking edibles a lot more. I started behaving differently around family members and Mormons. I started being outright hostile to elders I could see. It took about 3 months before I could see the missionaries and not have an actual fight-or-flight response to their presence. I think the way I had made it a far as I did without getting treatment was by repressing the thoughts, feelings, and memories that made it all hurt, and a soon as I let them just be there it was like all the confusing aching hurt came back. The first few months of therapy were just spent expanding the amount of time I could feel that hurt before turning to other means (like dissociation, cannabis, repression, etc.) so I could actually address the experiences without crashing the rest of the day. It was hard. I know I ended several sessions sweating a LOT from the exertion it took to just let the feelings happen. By 6 months, however, I could go into a church building without blacking out from panic. By 9 months I could sit in the same room as elders without sweating and shaking like a chihuahua on Adderall. 3 months after therapy and me and my supervisors noticed that my work with Mormon men had improved substantially. 6 months after therapy and I was able to begin writing anonymous stories online. Now, about two years after completing therapy, I feel like I can talk about it without needing the cloak of anonymity, and that is empowering.

Again, I am not sure why I’m typing these stories out – they’re not fun to write, I don’t love that my family can find these posts, but I guess I just like to remind myself and others that it can always get better. That mind numbing platitude, the old thought-terminating cliché that “it gets better, just power through it” doesn’t give enough credit to how much it hurts to get through it, but it does get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The triggers can go away with time, great effort, significant expense, and a lot of discomfort. The world can feel safe again, the hurt can feel bearable, that nagging worry that I might have deserved this, or that I did something wrong, can eventually go away too. It’s not easy to do it, and I have an incredible respect for the patients of mine who can pull it off, but it is undeniably as doable a it is difficult. If this story resonates with anyone, if it feels close-to-home, if these experiences feel shared, just know that the relief I talked about can feel shared too. Know that it’s worth it to get the help, that you deserve the help, that you deserve to live a life that doesn’t hurt you, that you deserve to be a full person and not a living prison for the pain and memories. Know that healing yourself does not involve extending forgiveness to Them, whoever They are. That the pain you felt will not be made less important by making the pain less potent. Know that taking care of yourself now is, in a way, taking care of yourself then. And Please, with a capital P, take care of yourselves.

Thank you to my family, especially my immediate family (special shout outs to @flowerologists and @inbabylontheywept) for the support and patience with me as I dealt with this.

Thank you to my therapist, Jordin Borques, who I recommend highly to anyone seeking trauma therapy in Arizona.

Thank you to my wife, @cintailed, for being the push that got me into therapy, and for taking care of me at my worst and still being here with me.

Thanks to my mission president for being such a colossal disappointment to Christianity that my departure from the church was inevitable.

And a general thanks to the queers for being so cute and making life worth living, even on bad days.

[happypotato48]

GMMTV 2025 Part 1 Unhinged Tangent Thoughts

Well well well, here we go again. gmmtv the first horseman of the QL apocalypse has grace/curse us again with their presence. surely there would be something worth watching out of this branded trash fire. i will left that one het show out because i don't go there but lol, Nanon really is the last bastion for straight people huh? 🤣

รักแห่งสยาม (The Love of Siam) The Musical : i was 12 when this movie came out so i didn't watched it in theater, only catch it later online when i was in my late teen. tbh i didn't really liked it, i was knee deep in yaoi at that point so i found this movie to be a bit boring. let see how it goes but fornow... no comment.

Dare you to death ไขคดีเป็น เห็นคดีตาย : Eeh, not gonna lie i'm not feeling this one fams. joongdunk doesn't sold me as an actors that could do mystery well. i might be wrong but i'm putting this one for a maybe.

ไหนใครว่าพวกมันไม่ถูกกัน (Head 2 Head) : Only boo! did major disappointed me, and this one seems to be a basic BL so i'm not having much hope. but i still want to see how SeaKeen doing as an growing actors. i'm going to tune in for the first couple EPs then see how it goes.

Burnout Syndrome ภาวะรักคนหมดไฟ : They already got me at Off being naked, and a messy love triangle nonetheless yes plzzzz. glasses guy (i refuse to learn his name) need more workshop, he's too stiff and wooden to sell me on this messy romance he going to has with Gun.

คุณวาฬร้านชำ (Whale Store xoxo) : Its looks cute and i do like LoveMilk. another one in the show up for the couple first EPs pile.

Only Friends : Dream On : or as i dubbed Only Firends 2 These Homosexuals are about to get electrocute boogaloo. i refused to watch Only Friends season one and i will refuse this show again. .... will definitely show up for sex scenes that will get cut up an posts on twitter tho.

That Summer ผมเจอเจ้าชายบนชายหาด : NOPE! next one plz. jk this one seems boring and basic and i hate prince and princess story in thai media. cuz you know the la majeste law is a thing so they are always come from some imagined country and i just don't like that. this one goes to the never to maybe if i hear some buzz pile.

My Romance Scammer รักจริง หลังแต่ง : Sign me the fuck up! let gooo! i'm in a weddings mood and this one has Hot Ohm as a scammer and Dimple Fluke as a dumb himbo whose marriage someone after knowing them for a month. yessss! this show is specifically made for me and i will be seated! Mark and Junior also there i guess.

ความลับในบทเพลงที่บรรเลงไม่รู้จบ (Melody of Secrets) : this show is not really my style but forcebook is forcebook and i'm an easy whore. plus they did ripped my heart out in that ep of PP. i will be watching with caution cause let be real we have no faith in gmmtv to pull this kind of thing off :P

รักครูเท่าโลกเลย Love you teacher : *a loud voice of thousand people yelling Shame! Shame! in background, me tapping the mic : Perth might pull this one off y'all. LET ME COOK! hear me out hear me out this trailer is the first time that Perth feels like he understood the assignment. he looks grumpy and tired but also really in love with Santa's character. this is the first time that this boy made me feels things and i'm just happy for him. AND LET ME BE CLEAR i never read any age regression fics before in my life so this is not even in my trash turf. but idk, i feels thing and it's fluffy and nice. so i will be watching, plz don't judge me.

MU-TE-LUV โปรดใช้วิจารณญาณในการรักเธอ : uhhhhh i'll watch the kathoeys ep and that's it :P

เปย์รักด้วยแมวเลี้ยง (Cat for Cash) : i'm not a firstkhaotung boyie so idk seems like another basic one. another one to the maybe pile wooo!

Girl Rules กฎหลัก...ห้ามรักเธอ : Only Friends but for the girls, pass.

เปิดเทอมใหม่ หัวใจหัดรัก (Boys in love) : Basic highschool BL with PodPapang as a side in 4 couples show?!!? what sin did i commited huh!? gmmtv why are you doing me dirty like this. i will be watching it for the newbies and PodPapang but i will be holding a grudge the entire time.

ทำนายทายทัพ (My Magic Prophecy) : My babies are back!!! and Sea is swol, my, my. don't know what to think of it yet also wtf with all the tarot and fortune readings did someone at gmmtv is going through a divorce ??. anyway i'm a royal whore so i will be seated for this one.

หมาเห่าเครื่องบิน (A Dog and A Plane) : TAYNEW is back in a bl fucking finally!! this one seems promising with its plot and the comedy seems strong. poon also in this as a hussy and i can't be more stroke for my boy. i'm a bit worry about class disparity again cause the thai name of this show is "A dog barking at a plane" it's idiom that mean a lower class person pursuing someone out of their status. we got burned before with peaceful property so holding out hope that we'll not to going get burn again.

มีสติหน่อยคุณธีร์ (Me and Thee) : Phuwin doing comedy inner monologue?! You son of a bitch i'm in. although Fish upon the sky sucked ass in terms of plot imo it was one of the best BL comedy coming out of thailand in recent years and this show reminded me so much of that. at worst it going to be funny nonsense of a show, so what could possibly go wrong hehe (plz don't fuck this up gmmtv.)

WU : Oh hell no! this show is going to be a bromance i've learned my leason from PP and i will not going there again. its looks cool but i'm not doing it I CAN'T!

จาฤกรติ��า (Memoir of Rati) : i'm not fan of period piece but this one seems angsty and queer. and maybe second time's the charm for greatinn. they also uses a cheap trick of Great's oilly naked body to lure us in like the siren song of abs and sadly that worked for me 😅

Ticket To Heaven เด็กชายไม่ไปสวรรค์ : G4 are not in a cutesy BL Wowoh! i really like the trailer for this one. the thai name for this show is "Boys/Boy don't goes to heaven" and it's make me get all the feels. i'm intrigued and excited for this one the most cause this one doesn't feels like a typical gmmtv show and against all odd i will hope they could deliver.

Welp let see, i'm excited for 5 out of what 20 shows?? oohh boy gmmtv really in the we throwing things untill something stick era ain't they. i think i'm in the more hopeful side of people whose has been burned by gmmtv. so i'm really hoping that the more unique shows that they got would actually turn out great cause despite what i've said lately about Thai BL, i'm very passionate about them and want to see them do well. i want to see Thai BL and Thai media in general to be someday be recognized on the global level, and gmmtv with all it woes is still the leading voice in this industry. i want them to learns and grow out of this idol manufacturer mindset, which maybe a wishful thinking but i'm still going to be holding up hope for a better days for Thai BL. any fucking way don't fuck Ticket To Heaven up gmmtv or i will be doing cursing ritual on you!

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 4, day 13

Did a lot today! Also did nothing else today lol. I have legit been at this for somewhere in the neighborhood of 6 to 8 hours. I don't remember when I started but I do remember checking the clock at around 5pm after I'd been at it for awhile, and it is now past 10:30pm. So... yeah. I had fun :D

This is the result of parts 2 and 3 of the tutorial series I'm following (I should probably link those more often). Also I made more trees from part 1 just because I could (and also I wanted the practice, but mostly because I could). I... may have been having too much fun modeling things. The second part of the tutorial was for the non-tree plants, and I did way more than the tutorial called for.

I have six trees, 11 grasses, 4 flowers, and 7 ferns (or whatever those plants are supposed to be). The tutorials only called for three trees, five grasses, four flowers, and six ferns. At least I got the number of flowers right? But, uh, I gave the flowers more colors than I was supposed to and set it up so the bundles of flowers are all different colors instead of all the same. So still did more than I should have :P

The third part of the tutorial series was setting up the environment and getting it ready to spread plants all over it. So we made the ground, the hills in the background, and the sky. The sky I'm most excited about making, because I plan to abuse my sky-making privileges when I go to make the swords finally >:D Actually pretty much everything I learned in these tutorials I'll be using in one way or another for the swords, but being able to make my own sky means I can get ~*fancy*~ with the environments I put the swords in :D

Cinta my beloved your sword is gonna be dope as fuck

[crispycreambacon]

H. Hi everyone. Uh. You know what I don’t need to explain myself. Who needs to watermark your art when you can just draw your sona thristing over the art amirite-

The last two people featured next to me are @madamegemknight (bless her poor soul she had no idea what introducing me to Fraggle Rock would do to me) and @couchpotato1206 (aka my bULLYYYYY /lh)

Bonus images below. Fair warning: Extremely self-indulgent. Coughs.

Note: while I’m a minor as of making this post, my sona here is an adult. Please don’t be weird about this thank you!!!

[itsdappleagain]

day 5: AU!!

i decided to draw my own take on the "paper star and carmen escape VILE together" au that has been floating around in my head for months and has a near incoherent three thousand word brainstorming doc to prove it

i also tried to redesign carmen, who i've decided calls herself cardinal in this au because there is no cookie booker escape with the coat and hat (paper star also influences the name).

i took inspo from harajuku fashion which i think is what PS is designed on also? i figured that since carmen sandiego adopted the first article of clothing she ever put on as her trademark that cardinal would just copy paper stars style and i think thats fun

so anyway. they're messy, they're gay, and they definitely have a big dramatic betrayal where they realize that there was never a future in which they could be together or something like that

[mel-loly]

-Happy Valentine's Day, my love! <3

@manpleblog/@alsomanple

[the-ships-to-rule-them-all]

I don’t think people realize how all consuming October 7, the war and the rising antisemitism is to most Jews right now. I was just on a five day family trip and nearly every single conversation ended up circling back to what’s going on in Israel, across the world and at home. My mom knew Vivian Silver, an incredible peace activist thought to be held hostage and I had to sit there and watch her realize that not only was Vivian murdered at her home 38 days before but that she was likely burned if it took this long for her body to be identified. I was forced to sit there and watch my mom, my favorite woman in the world, watch her face crumple. We were sharing updates, accounts to follow, venting and releasing frustrations. It is a constant unbreakable struggle right now for me and most Jews I know to not be glued to our phones, to not pay attention. Because we’ve seen what happens when we don’t. Because we can’t afford to turn our backs on what’s going on. And there’s a deep ever present grief not only for the victims of October 7th, the innocent citizens of Gaza, the hostages and also for my own personal sense of safety and security. I am also grieving what is a shattering beyond measure of my present and future trust in people as I’ve witnessed how easily well intentioned kind hearted people have decided to say nothing, publicly or privately, or who have quickly fallen into vicious antisemitic rhetoric. I’m just sharing into the void at this point but it’s been unimaginably hard on a personal level. I’m not the same person I was when I went to bed on October 6. It’s as though I’m a shadow, made of grief and anger and tiny fractured bits of hope. Every piece of joy feels as though it’s been muted because of how quickly it fades. And even the moments that last are related to my Jewish identity somehow. I am not sure where I go from here.

Have a cat gif for reading all of that

[deepseawave]

obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog

Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️

Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D

[blastlight]

every so often i think about how if i ever make a post or something that blows up, i'll immediately be harassed en masse by people claiming i'm a zionist

[zishuge]

Oooof Tushan Jing being the younger brother who is world-renowned as an elegant and accomplished scholar and musician, who ends up being locked up in a dungeon and tortured for years by a jealous older brother who then throws him out into the street to die, and tells him, "Without your fancy clothes and without your noble status you're nothing".

"Qingqiu-gongzi is just a joke."

God this is 1000000% exactly what Shan Gudao would've done to Li Xiangyi if he had had the chance and now I badly want to read that fic.

[albonium]

with the things i'm seeing on twitter it's making me scared so i'll say it here too because there has to be young people following me:

having sex with someone who has a penis and not using a condom means you could catch diseases but also get pregnant. someone pulling out before they ejaculate isn't making it safe. it's not a way to prevent diseases or pregnancies. timing unprotected sex with menstrual cycles/using your body temp is not a way to avoid pregnancy. you can still get STIs if you used a condom. oral sex isn't safe you can get STIs including HIV. condoms can break or slip off and that can be enough to cause all the things mentionned.

get tested regularly, talk to your doctor you're not the first one or the last one to have sex and talk to them about it there's nothing to be ashamed of

[the-trans-dragon]

It's hilariously therapeutic to watch Cutthroat Kitchen because a lot of the time, when a man loses, he has the funniest little reaction.

Like even if the judge was very clear and explicit about why he got voted off, he'll be like "I thought my dish was great. I shouldn't have been voted off. I deserved to win, because I'm a good chef no matter what the judge said." (When they've done things like serve uncooked meat or used a plain century egg as garnish)

Like goddamn, people are surviving just fine, without constantly being upset with themselves for small mistakes? They can even ignore huge mistakes and chose to believe they are perfect, and apparently this has been a successful survival technique for them because they're still alive.

So maybe I can forgive myself for small things. Maybe I can be nice to myself about it. Apparently I could even lie to myself about it and pretend it wasnt a big deal or wasnt my fault I'd probably be fine--so it's probably okay if I let some cereal expire, and if I can't fend off the guilt and self-loathing about it, then its a valid option to just say "well its the cereal's fault for expiring" or something silly to escape the pointless unbearable guilt.

Like I don't plan to do that for meaningful mistakes, but why not resort to Overconfident Man Confidence to dodge debilitating shame over throwing away a single paper bag that I've been reusing for months and it's finally beyond use but I feel like I'm wasting resources and should fix it? My guilt and shame aren't playing fair or logical so I am allowed to use sneaky tricks like "borrowing confidence from a man raised to believe he is never wrong" to fight back lol.

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Absolutely love that every single time Peet/Artham shows up to fight the Fangs are like “?!?! WHAT THE HECK, WHAT ARE YOU, WHAT’S HAPPENING?!” and they’re so in shock that it gives him time to completely decimate them.

[the-kneesbees]

yk I felt really bad about this whole thing at first but looking back I think maybe I dodged a bullet

[sabanmoon]

im sorry, but i really wont him. :(