#that's even maybe what I like about porn. it's a work that's designed to communicate a very specific feeling and idea

[neverendingford]

.

[box-architecture]

which are the aus You have more on your ming latetly?

A mixture of them!

I'm staring at the Dreambur AU I have (Strangers Vassal) and wondering if I should post what I had planned for it to look like. I'm struggling a lot with writing it, partially because I don't have a lot of people to bounce ideas off of, partially because it's an AU that would have a lot of fight scenes, something I don't have a lot of experience in and am unsure how to proceed with.

I really enjoy the concept of it, and I want to write for it, but it might once again turn into a bunch of shortfics in a series rather than the longfic I originally wanted. It's disappointing that I can't seem to consistently write longfics, but if I don't accept the limitation I might risk not getting anything done at all, and that's potentially more disappointing.

The Communication Knife AU is almost always on my mind. It's evolved from just pure demons and rotations to being a huge comfort that I can just idly think about throughout the day.

It's really neat, because I started out as a Dream-centric multishipper who wasn't sure if I could vibe with Punz and Sam closing the triangle, but after marinating in the idea, it's now really important to me that they become something too. They grow from two people fighting around their relationship with Dream to something based on trust and blunt honesty and Forgiveness Withoit Forgetting. They can be deeply affectionate with each other in a way thats different from their relationship with Dream. Not bad, not in a way that excludes him, just different.

The AU has also tentatively opened me up to exploring 2nd Gen characters, something I've literally never been capable of before. I have a lot of vague ideas for who gets together post-main story, and how those relationships works and why. Ponk/Foolish/XD is a ship for example, and I've designed a possible child for them? As well as designed Fooshs Totem children? It's always a maybe for if I actually want to give people kids, and it's not really the point of CKAU, it's just really fun to explore the rest of the smp in this sort of fix-it au and how it impacts their lives in the After of it all.

It's also helped me expand my Minecraft Lore and Worldbuilding Bible (how in my headcanon the mineacraft world works and its history/lore, including tying other media's like Hermitcraft and Maricraft to the dsmp to make everything part of the overall world.)

Writing CKAU post-story had also, ironically, made me enjoy benchtrio more, as I get to talk to my friends about their interpersonal dynamics and how they work and how they end up finally at peace. Especially considering Tubbo and Ranboo are bitterly divorced for a long time.

I had a lot of small ideas for a DNB Mass Effect AU in a similar vein to To Tear Asunder being my Dragon Age AU, but I feel really guilty getting into that when I haven't even finished the Philza fic or the Techno fic I have for the latter. I have significantly less people to bounce ideas off of for To Tear Asunder, which is why I struggle with it sometimes.

A lot of my writing in the beginning was done through utilizing my manic moods, but now that I'm better medicated/no longer constantly manic, it's led to me going a lot slower with writing. Demons (PWP stuff) are a lot easier to write, because they require significantly less scene set-up when I can use the sexual act as a template, and being horny-brained isn't particularly difficult.

(Also. No Plot Nessecary. Hence the Porn Without Plot. Plot is really exhausting to write sometimes.)

Obviously it's a lot better for my health that I'm no longer manic, but it's still disappointing that I can no longer work myself into a tizzy and write 30 pages of something (before collapsing and being unable to do anything at all for the next several days.) Give and take and all.

I briefly was very insane about Benchtrio fucking Dream in various ways. I made a whole Teacher/Student AU about it that's in my drafts, god willing I get my new laptop and can finish that up. I really enjoy CNC and bodice ripper type stuff, so it's pretty fun to explore crack AUs where Dream is just trying to be normal and the 3 most abnormal people in the world come into his life.

I'm not really a fan of the Tommy/Dream dynamic where Dream is preying on the Poor Helpless Child, especially because it has a habit of taking itself Very Seriously. I'm not looking for serious and dark and the villainization of Dream. It's a lot more fun for me to explore a strong, confident, and very tired 20-something desperately trying to figure out how to deal with the 17-18 year old being horny on main. Also it's just really interesting to me when the younger character takes advantage of normal social and power dynamics and subvert them so they can have the older character sub.

^I'm not sure if the explanation there is perfect or makes sense but I'm always happy to try to talk more about it if you'd like.

I have a little more of the Warden Hybrid!Dream type stuff in my head that I wanted to write out, mostly just a lot of Porn With Minimal Plot for purely kink reasons. I also have a Dream/Ravager fic I'm supposed to be posting, but God only knows when I can finish it. I need zoomies.

[drbased]

I’m sorry but Life By You looks utterly charmless so far. Also it’s a shit name. I know the sims 2’s Rod Humble is involved but this doesn’t look like it has any of the personality from the sims franchise. In fact, according to him it was going to have even less personality originally because they wanted this to be ‘all about you’, which is a terrible way to design a game with a lasting legacy that people love. Honestly they’re spreading themselves way too thin with the hyper-customisation. And they’re a bunch of men, they must know that this is going to be used for porn. I’m calling it now, this game is going to be inundated with sex mods. Maybe that’s what they want, but it’s weird they’re aiming for an age-rating or 16. Maybe they want that veneer that this is a game about storytelling - and people might use it for that at first, but when those users inevitably get bored this is going to end up being a sex game only.

Paralives, meanwhile, clearly actually has a much more legit and memorable identity. From what I’ve seen so far they’re very good at listening to the community and then completely ignoring all the stupidly specific asinine suggestions the community makes. Their responses to questions are so hilariously diplomatic ‘will there be an opportunity to have a blue whale for a pet and you can train it and make it do tricks?’ ‘I love that idea! We’re working on pet options ❤️’ So yeah, fair dos to Paralives, they clearly have a strong focus and some savvy people (women) on that team.

[beemovieerotica]

so uh can you talk more about those tags you left on the rise of the guardians post. I barely remember that movie but I remember thinking all the characters were oddly fuckable. clearly some deeper thoughts were at work in you though

ok so this was in the peace corps, i hope that explains at least half of why my brain was already nonfunctional.

rise of the guardians was one of maybe 30 movies I had dowloaded onto my hard drive from the communal volunteer library while I didn't have access to any kind of streaming service. there was a second secret volunteer movie library that was roughly 1 full terabyte of porn that admin didn't know about but we're not going to talk about that.

I was living in a house for I think $80/month, sleeping bag on a floor mattress kind of situation with no insulation in the walls. the only heating was this little ""space heater"" I bought that was 3 glowing lights and it was so fucking useless, but it was the only appliance that wouldn't instantly fry the wiring in this tiny ass house.

and it got fucking cold at night. like, see your breath in your bedroom cold, the sleeping bag I had was rated for 0 degrees C but that just means it's the temperature you won't die at, not the temperature you'll be comfortable at. I remember watching a large centipede literally crawl all the way across my room to curl up in front of my stupid fucking space heater and I didn't even have the heart to sweep the thing outside, he was as miserable as I was.

so I developed severe sleep problems during winter as a result of being too cold to sleep until sunrise, and my circadian clock was absolutely fucked. I would roll out of bed at around noon on only a handful of hours of sleep, and this sleep phase shift ended up carrying on out of winter into the warmer months.

so I was like. okay. this has to stop.

I had already watched all my movies a ton of times already so they were inherently good candidates for putting me to sleep. but this was 2014 before the mcu got totally out of control otherwise I would have picked one of those.

I needed something with the perfect blend of subpar visuals (causing me to close my eyes), inoffensive and unremarkable dialogue and soundtrack (blending together into white noise), and a pleasant but NOT interesting emotional tone. it needed to be both soothing and boring. it needed to be a warm glass of 2% milk.

I went through a couple movies before landing on rise of the guardians. it was better than melatonin. so unremarkable and so pleasantly just, there, in a way few movies ever achieve. like for a movie where a child dies within the first 10 minutes it evokes absolutely nothing in the audience and says nothing by the end. in retrospect it genuinely feels like an AI-generated film designed to specifically put me to sleep.

anyway. having watched the first 30-45 minutes of that movie at least, I want to say 100 times over the course of this self-induced psychological treatment, I can say that I barely even remember what happens in those 30-45 minutes. like I know there's a sexy rabbit in the film but my mind can't even conjure what he looks like.

but yeah, I eventually stopped and switched to pavloving myself with music because I got scared of the consequences. the unintended side effect now is that every time I see a gifset from the movie or that stupid twink's face in a meme, I have vivid wartime flashbacks to my time in the peace corps shivering until 7am in the morning and staring at my roommate the large centipede whom I shared my warmth with.

[bluravenite]

You can totally ignore this if you want, i just saw that poat you added to about fandom bullying and idk, I am just... gah, i wish this fandom wasnt so cruel. I had so much fun here when i first joined and i didnt really know what i was getting into except for the fact that I loved ghost! now i still love ghost, but i am in the process of de-ghosting my blog. I feel like every day I see people bullying one another in this community, and I feel like every time i post my writing, I risk drawing attention and being bullied. Congratulations to those assholes! they'll kill the fandom because folks will be too scared to share work.

I know fandom always has some drama, but none of the others I have been involved in have been this cruel. I dont know if people are just getting crueller, or whether Ghost somehow just attracts cruel people. I hate to think the latter, because the band is drenched in love. But i fear to think the former, though i worry it might be so.

I don't think it's the band itself Hun, I think definitely it's the sort of bubble the fandom itself has created.

Cruel people exist everywhere and it's unfortunate when they end up finding each other in a bubble, ghost has gotten so big that its really hard to regulate and you will have lots of unregulated environments where people don't feel comfortable.

You as a member can do what you need to endure YOUR safety, but that sometimes isn't enough or as effective when other triggers (i.e. hate anons) are still present in the environment.

I completely feel you and I am so sorry that you've been through this and feel like this as well... Ghost used to be my comfort fandom, and I am still so in love with the romanticized idea of it, I miss talking about our OC ghouls with friends, writing and reading about them and siblings of sin life in the abbey, about ghouls going on tours and being so silly with each other. About the love and romance that allowed people in the fandom to find new ways to love themselves and explore their sexuality and even bodies. I still think that was beautiful.

Unfortunately we lost that energy at some point, maybe with the hate anons to the writers, attacks to artists, maybe with the hypersexualization of presenting gay male ghouls and dislike for the female presenting ghouls. Maybe with the over-sexualization of unmasked members of the real band, which should've never happened.

The other day I found this clip from a Neil Newbon stream (voice of Astarion in BG3 and Heisenberg in REV) where he goes on to say some headcanons are just.. wrong, and you have to learn to separate fact from fiction. These are ultimately characters that the original creators wrote, while you as a fan artist have free range to give them physical designs and traits you also have to be aware that you need to keep a somewhat level of separation, AND decency between your own headcanons and the real canon.

I think ultimately that's where this fandom goes wrong... There is no separation because people get so fucked up into their headcanons in their made up mutual bubbles that I feel like they never go out to touch grass and maybe take a minute to evaluate their content.

Not that I'm saying it shouldn't exist. Just that it's important to understand WHY it was made, WHY, it exists. Is this ghoul hypersexual?? Okay well BUT WHY????? Who are they, how do they feel about it, when did they realize, how did it affect them??? That's never talked about, it's always "ghoul has lit of sex with same sex ghoul again!!!!" It's like plotless porn at that point, fetish. It becomes gross.

I ended up kinda ranting here but I made some good points so I hope this at least helps invite more discussion about what the frick has been happening here lately..

Lots of love and encouragement to you anon, and to anyone else who has felt this way at least once in the fandom. We deserve a decent creative space💀

[subdee]

And the other way to look at this, really, is not about AI at all, but seeing this as the continuation of a gradual corporate incursion into the early spirit of sharing that characterised the internet. I say incursion but maybe the better word is enclosure, as in enclosure of the commons. And this positions AI as just a new method by which companies try to extract value from the things people share freely, and capture that value for themselves. And maybe the way back from this is being more intentional about building our communities in ways where the communities own them. GameFAQs was created to collate some useful stuff together for a community, and it ended up as part of a complicated chain of corporate mergers and acquisitions. But other communities experienced the kinds of upheaval that came with that, and then decided to create their own sites which can endure outside of that - I’m thinking here especially of Archive of Our Own, the biggest repository for fan-writing online. And incidentally, the source of 8.2 million words in that AI training set, larger even than Reddit.

The Washington Post published an article - GATED, which is exactly what "How to Find Things Online" talks about - that allows you to search Google's C4 training dataset, and this is what turns up for Ao3. 8.2 million words!!!!! No wonder the African content moderators are striking for better pay to remove all the porn from the chatGPT results!!!!!

Anyway. This is a very good accessible article about our upcoming... what? Retreat to unsearchable private communities that lock newcomers out so that people can talk to other people, not robots? Increasingly paywalled and corporatized commons? Future that looks like The Matrix, culture permanently frozen at "the peak of your civilization" as all the future training sets keep regurgitating the same info that millions of people put online, for free, from 1990 - 2020?

Here's AO3's recent post on their AI policies BTW, where they explain that they already removed the website from the Common Crawl in 2020 and recommend, for now, setting your new works to archive-only if you don't want them used to train commercial AI without your consent.:

https://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/25888?fbclid=IwAR0GgjG4nOWZh7WuwNT4bPCEnLd-sX1j9PxYNx7fQoC5OGQST24SOr5b1lw

Archive-locking as the only real solution makes sense, but also, is again exactly what this article talks about in terms of the incentives moving from putting things online for free where anyone can access them, to putting them behind a gate of some kind to keep the community a nice place **for** the community that built it.

Anyway. May AO3 live a long, long time. Not just because it's the most popular website in the WORLD in category: "books and publishing" but because it's being increasingly recognized as a gold-star example of a community seeing where the corporatization trend is going, and getting out ahead of it to make a community space for humans to share their work with other humans, for free.

[icelogged]

soooooooooo right abt coquette being used for regressive femininity im not even familiar w it but it's just kinda really frustrating to see something u found yourself in being used for something almost diametrically opposite to it

EMMM one of my favourite gay people on my phone or however it goes

“—used for something almost diametrically opposite to it”.

that’s what gets me the most. the reclamation of girlhood lost to trauma repackaged into patriarchal bigoted dogma but written in a glitter pen.

i went off longer than i expected, so i went full throttle— oleta’s soapbox moment. tysm for this gift cliff 🫀💞 I will try to use it well :3 @ everyone else if you are not acquainted with nuance or im generalizing (not all xyz) don’t interact with post maybe sit outside without your for 15 minutes. i’m in flare today and can’t deal with people thinking i am attacking a specific group, im targeting them specifically when we’re literally strangers etc etc

just because you put a racially “diverse” [one girl of colour] group of VS models as your header, reblogged *“poc coquettes” are valid and think women are inherently “divine” doesn’t mean your opinion on body hair [a true neutral; as it doesn’t care what you identify as, it just grows (and yes there are exceptions)] and femininity, want for your boyfriend to think for you, holding his finger instead of his hand to make you feel small and demure, constructing every facet of your being down to smell whatever corporations say “is” coquette—doesn’t mean your idea of femininity is extremely regressive, Mary. and it literally does not serve you.

when people speak out about this the response is so sinister and calculated; suddenly these concerned persons are anti-feminist. “let women have fun and feel good”. uhm hey did you know that your pleasure shouldn’t the only indicator in deciding what is “good” or not.

how are you going to tell me that saying **woke trad wife aestheticisms and waiting to see what the influencer it girl of week is wearing before shopping is anti-feminist. it’s like the definition of feminism has become freedom for women to do whatever they want [instead fighting for worldwide liberation and then equity]. feminism is anti-feminist because you told a woman no… smells western selfishness to me. “if it feels good then it can’t be bad”. so it’s feminist to agree with the man who ended eating women he said this to [fictional, chose this example because i think Hayden is a kinda genius and i so thankful work for so many reasons but the discussions and awareness her “silly little story” has shifted the trajectory of many]

this all very by design and social media amplifies it. [I know i draw tiktok through the mud every chance i get but] eras don’t even last 5 years now and that shift can be marked through tiktok’s journey from being musical.ly to what it is now.

musical.ly [branded as fun social media for youth including underage persons] -> oops we had such a bad pedophile problem we gotta overhaul everything -> tiktok [cringe, because it was just musical.ly but called something different and people think people especially kids minding their own business and having fun lipsyncing is cringe, 2018?2019?] -> summer 2019; guys it’s just like vine, are feeling that nostalgia son?(it was not like vine) -> im locked in my house wah wah (people are dying steven) i am so bored and addicted to technology that when i refresh my feeds and there’s no new content i don’t know what to do with myself time to try this new app. did i mention im horny and my porn addiction got worse <3 -> tiktok having to scramble again because of all the new adult content. thus the tiktok is now an app for everyone rebrand -> disguised ads as unsponsored content -> becomes a profitable app -> you can’t say lesbian but you can sure romanticize the nuclear family -> (we are here. i’ll be talking more specifically about regressive femininity especially the kind found in the “coquette”community) femininity is womanhood, it is a specific checklist and if you don’t follow it you’ll never be a lizzy grant waif key west kitten soft girl old money female manipulator (i’ll never get that one, Jesus). shaping your body and presentation to what is deemed desirable and feminine is self care and self care costs money thus hating your natural self is actually bettering it. let the original self die and be just like her [can be anyone, tuned to their likes and opinion on beauty] and don’t forget to preserve your youth [as if aging wasn’t a natural process and something you could stop if you have the money]. older male validation should be your lifeblood, they aren’t like the silly boys at your school, don’t you want fall in love and have a big strong man to protect you that takes advantage of your naïveté to control you but that’s okay because you’re an angel starlet and he has money because he’s older (no he doesn’t he’s in debt Julia like everyone else) <3 but when you hit 26 you might as well be ***milf. be warned hubby gets bored of “milfs” because they’re too harden by the world by then, seen too much, too hard to shape into the little maid sex doll of his dreams so he trolls for ****eighteen years olds again. “if it’s legal :purple_devilface:” etc etc etc ! #coquette

*i’m going to be real with y’all… the use of “poc” [people of colour, person of colour] as a word, not as it’s true form as an acronym has taken years off my life. ‘person/people of colour coquette’ doesn’t make sense. while we’re at it… nblm/w also ruined my life specifically /hyperbolic. e.g nblm reads; ‘non-binary loving male’ when you mean ‘male loving non-binary’. as wlw reads; ‘woman loving women’ also interpreted as women loving women, though such wouldn’t work as smoothly for nblw etc

** i miss when woke actually meant something, aave and ball terminology becoming universal means nothing is sacred

*** the way men in their 60s are dilfs sometimes dilfs all the way to the grave— women who are 27 are milfs… but only three years later they’re hags! oh and men apparently somehow when you reach 30 you’re a certified daddy, unaffected by ageism and your desirability to people who’ve only been adults for less than five years is bass boosted supported by the patriarchy… that sounds familiar doesn’t it? desirability sure has a short shelf life for women and they have to care about it, agonize over it, spend all their money over it but that should be a post in itself *adds to my drafts <3* honestly i do write all the things i said i would i just have ocd and im waiting for a made up arbitrary time to post that is 100% determined by mental illness, perfectionism and subconscious self hate because i totally don’t consciously hate myself anymore because im the sweetest girl in town (haha get it?) and think im martyr gifted from god but i am really into self harming and sabotaging <3 thanks trauma you’ve made my life so interesting ! my brain gets more wrinkly everyday trying to navigate it <33333

****IN MY OPINION people shouldn’t be identified as adults when they are eighteen and nineteen but somebody really wanted to fuck someone’s daughter :/ making me think of another one my ****’s theses; all evil in the world stems from greed. now if society was founded in science not feelings adults would be 25 and older as the frontal cortex develops by then but i can see how that would be an eugenics nightmare as neurodivergent people etc can develop it later though i can’t see this hypothetical society checking everyone’s brain before deeming them an adult because a). you have to wait even longer to legally sexualize them b). it would give everyone a free mandatory health check up but that is also another conversation

[llycaons]

Section Two: Part VI

Now try saying something true and beautiful: explicit works that make a point using sex or sex scenes

*end the rises and the falls* by eeriemedusa

summary: postcanon and married, a still-recovering wwx attempts to use bdsm unsafely as a coping mechanism for his residual trauma. one of the most nuanced portrayals of a character’s relationship with sex that I’ve ever read. compassionate and loving. novel canon, but it doesn’t matter too much wwx is triggered during sex - see notes work issues: none author issues: none

*talk about all the good things (and the bad things) by shipyrds

summary: you know how a ton of fics take the ‘every day means every day’ thing really seriously to the point where it’s creepy? what if wwx like. realized it wasn’t actually fun to have sex quite so much and that promise was unsustainable and maybe not meant literally anyway, so he decided to actually bring it up with lwj? this was a refreshingly honest discussion of that aspect of their married life. novel canon by design the second chapter is literally just porn and I don’t even think it’s that good and it adds nothing to the story so I’m only reccing the first chapter there are conversations about consent; check notes for more details work issues: none author issues: genderbends and sex pollen

Like a Blade on Bone by givemeunicorns

summary: during a postcanon bdsm scene, wwx is triggered. honestly this is a very lovely and gentle fic. it’s about taking care work issues: none author issues: xiyao, niyao, 3zun, xuexiao

The Thought of Then and Now by BlessedAreTheFandoms

summary: a short fic where lwj comes home stressed and really ready to go but wwx isn’t up for it and lwj sees that and refocuses and they have a really comforting talk instead. challenges some of the more harmful assumptions about wwx and lwj and their sex life, and emphasizes the importance of continuous consent and communication. very tender. technically either canon I’ve read another one with almost the exact same premise but wwx just tells him to go ahead anyway and use him for stress relief and lwj DOES it literally I was sitting there like 😨 lwj is just going to fuck him anyway??? this was such a palate-cleanser lol work issues: none author issues: none

if i see you every tuesday by eeriemedusa

summary: do you hate the sex god virgin lwj trope? so does this author, and they wrote this little fic about a realistic take on lwj’s past about it, ft. communication. a bit sad, but very warm and mature and satisfying. novel canon work issues: none author issues: none

Don’t let them get you down, you’re the best thing I’ve seen by fantasiavii

summary: modern au where cis wwx and trans lwj navigate their sex lives. not much of a plot, just a lot of communication and gender euphoria and joyful sex. made me smile. kind of a pwp but also not really since the sex IS the plot? I’m sticking it in here anyway work issues: none author issues: none

Content Warning: Romance by Ariaste

summary: you know how all those fics make lwj say something nice and have wwx go ‘oh lan zhan you can’t just say that without warning, my heart can’t take it!” and it can get really annoying? well here they delve into wwx’s mindset and explore how to compliment wwx in a way he’ll be able to accept and internalize it, and the answer is uhhh kinkily. the sex scenes were well-done and I thought the ending was very sweet and satisfying. I was proud of them both for making progress and it felt like good closure for that rather obnoxious fanfic phrase. work issues: none author issues: has written xiyao and jl/lsz

Any Softer And I’d Shatter by Voidflower    

summary: kind of hard to describe this one. another take on ‘therapy via sex’. so wx exclusively have really hardcore and rough sex, which wwx sometimes tries to use as something of a coping method to avoid unwelcome feelings. but when they have like, vanilla and gentle sex for once it’s extremely emotional and helps wwx confront all the tender feelings and insecurities he finds it really difficult to face otherwise. second chapter isn’t as good imo but it’s in a similar vein. tagged as both, but this feels more likely to be a novel verse work work issues: there’s kind of a teacher/student vibe to the second chapter but lwj WAS in charge of discipline for his peers so it’s not as weird as it could have been. cnc is mentioned as something they like but doesn’t happen in any of the sex scenes author issues: none besides above

 trust falls by spookykingdomstarlight                

summary: really lovely and tender character study for wwx, his hangups about being taken care of, and his desire to reciprocate what he perceives as lwj’s utter selflessness. being little more than a pwp, this just barely makes it on the list, but the underlying character commentary qualifies it I think. and I always like to see them switch it up NOTE: this fic is at squideworld archive, which appears to be an ao3 copy that requires users to be 18+. signup is pretty easy, and it looks and functions exactly the same as ao3 work issues: none author issues: a LOT of weird shit. sex slavery, cnc, dubcon, nhs/jgy, genderbends, xiyao, A/B/O, jgy/wwx (which like….???? ok)

oh, these are real things by typefortydeductions

summary: the first work of a modern AU where newly-together wwx and lwj deal with wwx’s depersonalization issues and negotiate having sex that ramps up in kinkiness. I really liked all the communication happening and I thought it was a neat translation of wwx’s issues to a non-magical setting I don’t like the rest of the series as much but here’s a rundown: it follows them as they continue managing their issues, adopt kids, and handle becoming parents. wwx is not cis in this one (undefined but akin to genderfluid) and they really lean into wwx’s breeding kink so they call him a wife and mom and it gets a little weird? however none of this shows up in the first work. the characterizations were…decent. I do like the maturity, realism, and emotional honesty in the rest of the series. the bdsm scenes can be really intense because they legit do hardcore sadism and masochism, but because they communicate so thoroughly about it, I didn’t dislike it in the way I dislike most bdsm in fic. but I still skimmed a lot of the sex scenes. and overall I don’t like it enough to rec work issues: for this first fic? really nothing for the rest of the series, lwj is a bit possessive, there’s some emphasis on wwx being skinny/lwj’s big hands, and 3zun is a background couple. xxc/sl/xy is also mentioned as a poly relationship. author issues: same author as above - cnc, dubcon, A/B/O, genderbends

Back to Start

[littlestloves]

It meant more to me than you know that you were so receptive to what I was saying about the situation with her earlier, and the fact that I saw the change in your behavior with her as a result.

I really enjoy spending my time with you, and hearing all of your stories and perspectives. And the fact that you enjoy mine, too, really means the world to me. I love your eyes and your smile. I love the way you think of me often, and go out of your way to make me smile and laugh.

I love that I can be open and honest with you, even about things that are hard to talk about. Today was definitely testing how receptive you are to my perspective, and I was really scared of being open, because I don’t want to lose anything with you. But, I was really pleasantly surprised at the way that you handled it.

It was hard talking about my experiences with porn in relationships. And it was definitely verging on what could be tmi, but I guess these are things you need to know about me. Every word of it was true. I love being intimate with someone I care for, and there aren’t really limitations to what I am willing to do to make a relationship work. I can’t be completely sure, but I think you were thinking about kissing me in the electrical room. I debated it, but honestly, I need reassurance as to what you really want before I cross those lines. I’m fairly sure you’ll give that to me soon, though.

I care about you on a deep level. And I want you to know that I really do my best to watch what I say, especially when I’m hurt. I explained my thought process behind that, too. Because how much can you really love someone if you would risk their mental wellbeing over a temporary feeling.. I know how it feels to hear shit I can’t un-hear. I know how it feels to be torn down by someone I loved. And it’s not that I won’t find a way to be honest with you about something, but there’s definitely a way to communicate it. Respect is everything in a relationship.

I did find it a little funny that you said with my work clothes, it almost seemed like my body didn’t exist. I mentioned that you’ve seen me wear things that fit before, but you said you didn’t make it a point to check me out. I’m not entirely sure that you haven’t noticed something, though. Especially because when we talked about my favorite stretches you said you always walked in on thread the needle. Maybe you were just trying to make it a point that you respect me.

I see the way you look at me now. Your eyes are gentle, warm, and loving. I just have to be careful with how long I look into them, because I need to maintain some self control. You’re literally everything I want in a man. “I love the way God designed you” means something so much deeper when you can read the stars.

And, I really do love the way you were created. I find myself studying your features, your hair, nose, eyes, ears, hands, smile, and on occasion, your muscles. But I try to be respectful, so when I catch my eyes roaming like that, I check myself.

I want to hold your hand, run my fingers through your hair, rub your back, and listen to you talk for hours. I want to know everything there is to know about you. What you believe, your dreams, and the things you want in life.

It was funny when you said you were surprised by what my dream was, because usually if a girl tells you that she’s dreamt of you, it’s something else.

I laughed, because it was really funny. I definitely could’ve clarified it, but I didn’t because it wouldn’t be true to say I haven’t seen that in some way. There’s been random moments where I’ve had intense visions of us. It’s just that I’m awake when it happens, and it’s hazy. I daydream about getting intimate with you a lot, but there’s definitely a difference.

I wonder if you ever think of me that way, and what you imagine. I’m sure based on what I told you, you can get a little creative with the thought of it. I’m very giving sexually, I have a high sex drive, and I’m willing to make a whole album.

I want you. I want all of you.

[lacefuneral]

okay so. i've been away from twitter forever but. i want to talk about my OFMD SMAU concept that never exited the drafting/planning stage.

because i am a person that really struggles to complete things, i didn't want to start a story and then not finish. i wanted the entire SMAU written, images edited, posts planned out, etc. in advance. and then just... take my time letting updates come out, knowing that the entire story was already done.

but like. i never got around to even starting it so. no one knows about it. except for my close friends. and i will likely never finish it. so!

I started writing this SMAU in 2022, when they were at their peak. things like piña coladas, etc.

and around this time, i had also just recently come out as gay, i was fresh out of a breakup, and i felt really alienated and alone. i wanted to try and reach out to members of my community and make friends locally, so i started going to events and potlucks. started going to the library and checking out books about queer history. and i also discovered an app called Lex.

now..... when i was drafting this document, Lex was a VERY different app. it is unrecognizable now, compared to the one i first encountered.

and i thought to myself "this app is terrible. it would be an incredible setting for a story where two people fall in love. there is so much room for error."

i also just imagined like, a 50 year old man trying to use an app primarily frequented by millennials and gen z and that cracked me up

so here was the premise.

the story begins with texts between a husband and wife. neither of them are named. the reader assumes that this is stede and mary, and they're right! but they're also wrong. because, you see, stede is the wife. and mary is the husband. and they are two queer transgender people who do not know this yet.

their marriage is falling apart. mary is never home, stede feels overwhelmed with the kids. mary realizes that she's trans and secretly orders a dress, which she hides from stede. she is fired from the corporate design firm she works at (not explained in-universe, but it was due to transmisogyny). she breaks down, fails to find work for a while, and eventually comes out to stede as a trans woman.

for a while, mary and stede's lives seem much better. mary is in therapy, on HRT. she has a new job with the Widow Collective, which is a highly-respected group of woman artists that showcase in galleries and such. her new hours means that she spends more time at home with the kids. she's going on date nights with stede.

but stede feels... off. like something about their marriage is still wrong. he thinks the problem is depression. he seeks therapy, only to realize that he is also transgender.

their lives actually get even worse after this. stede still doesn't understand what's wrong with him. mary worries that stede doesn't see her as the same person, or maybe doesn't recognize her as a woman. she's also afraid of stede's.... well.... stedeness. he's very flamboyant and loud and puts all sorts of crazy decorations in their yard. and she is so scared that he'll direct too much attention to their family, and that because they're both trans, people will want to take their children away. she tells stede to stop being so childish (which she later apologizes for)

finally, stede forgets to delete his search history and mary discovers that stede's been looking at gay porn. like. a LOT of gay porn. she's relieved, and realizes the problem is that stede is only attracted to men. this comes as a legitimate surprise to stede when mary tells him this, even though he was literally the one looking at gay porn

mary and stede amicably divorce and stede moves into an apartment by himself. mary retains custody over the kids (although they are friends, and stede visits with his children when possible) as mary is the more responsible parent, has a better paying job, and is home far more often. she also starts dating doug. bisexual queen.

stede takes this opportunity to learn about himself and to make friends in the gay community, despite spending the first 50 years of his life living as a straight cisgender woman, and is deeply out of his element.

he meets lucius, who is working at the library and guides stede to the LGBT section. stede tells him that he's "making up for lost time" and the two exchange numbers.

stede decides to try and make more friends, and googles around various search terms until he discovers Grindr. believing it to be a social media app, he downloads it, only to be bombarded with unsolicited dick pics. he finds lucius' profile by mistake, and reaches out to him for help.

lucius tells him that he's on the wrong app, and that because he's old he should try facebook. stede refuses, and asks about twitter. lucius warns him away from twitter. eventually, lucius admits that he's heard of an app called Lex. while he hasn't used it, he knows friends of his have to learn about local events like clothing swaps

now. here is when the specific timeframe matters. because lex is different now.

you used to not be able to comment on people's posts. you could only DM or make your own public post. (this was funny because when people made discourse it covered the entire page). and lex had (has?) a limit of like. 5 posts per month. and each post has a character limit.

so i thought it would be very funny if stede burned all of his in one go by mistake, one message broken up into five parts, and the people on the app made fun of him for this.

also, ed sees his posts, but because you can't comment at this time, he just leaves Roses. which, on the app, have a romantic implication. it's like, flirty.

anyway. stede has one rose from Ed, who has no profile pic, so he just shrugs and ignores that. but his DMs are filled with spam and the timeline is mocking him, so he's dejected.

but then, jim (my friend zach pointed out that, actually, this role makes more sense to be Oluwande, and i agree. so. Oluwande, actually.) reaches out to stede via DM and informs him that there is a combination potluck knife-throwing event that he and jim are holding, and that he's welcome to go

at the potluck, stede meets Ed (who is also a trans man), but is quickly glared-away by a scowling izzy hands. stede tells lucius about this (describing ed in great detail) and lucius informs him that he Simply Must make a Missed Connections post about the hot leather daddy he saw. he drafts one for stede, which stede deems too sexual.

he writes his own, which is very dorky and earnest. platonic.

his post receives a rose from Ed again. this time, stede looks at ed's post history. he notices that Ed has made his own Missed Connections post, which is romantic and flirty in tone.

after showing it to lucius, lucius tells stede that the post is about him, so stede rushes to look at the profile itself again.

ed still has no profile picture, and barely any information. but his "Looking For" section lists two things: events and hookups, and stede's heart sinks.

at this point in time, stede is just trying to make friends. he isn't ready for romance, let alone sex, and he's worried that ed doesn't want a friend (stede's own profile reads "Looking for: Friends, Events"), so he doesn't message him.

a few days later, stede is riding his bike in the park and crashes. ed stands over his mangled form and helps him up, and stede thinks that he's died and is seeing an angel. ed takes him to urgent care to get checked out for serious injuries (stede, it turns out, just has bruises and scrapes.) and this event allows them to talk and become friends

later, stede expresses his relief that ed wanted to be his friend, explaining that he isn't ready for a relationship at this time. (ed, meanwhile is like. completely and utterly enamored by him, but is respecting his boundaries.) and talks about his marriage and how he never really felt right with mary (probably because stede was never a woman), but that they were married for 14 years. that they'd met on a cruise ship and neither of them had found love yet, and had they decided to settle for one another. he wonders if he felt pressured to do the "get married and have kids" thing because of societal misogyny, but he cares about mary and adores his children, so he doesn't regret his choices.

now. this is where my document stops. but ed and stede grow closer, and they eventually start dating and stede has good sex for the first time in his life and they move in together and start a business together and everyone lives happily forevar aftar. yey!

oh i forgot to mention this but like. izzy is one of those unpleasant trans guys with a ton of internalized transphobia, and jack is a chaser.

ed has his own trauma/issues because of these men. and stede helps him to find the courage to tell them to fuck off. and once izzy is gone ed feels more comfortable experimenting with his gender presentation. ed's also been out since the 90s and has lived through a lot of homophobia and has been in the leather scene for a long time. and actually won several leather competitions. this is all stuff i never got around to writing down because. [gestures to this post] i was writing a lot of stuff already.

also mary is a recovering alcoholic. and she and stede met at the bar on a cruise ship because it was Singles Night. and mary was there to drink, but stede was there to find love. and stede just assumes that mary is there for the same reason as him, and she doesn't correct him. and their marriage leads to her sobriety, which is great. but she experiences a relapse after her firing, and then goes back into recovery.

stede, because of his ex wife's struggle with alcoholism, avoids alcohol himself (which he started when they got married, and simply never picked up a drink again after that). but he's totally fine going to bars. so ed and stede will be in like, this dingy biker bar and ed's knocking back shots and stede is like. politely sipping on his little glass of plain orange juice. which i think is silly visual

anyway. that's the general concept. the SMAU never even had a name, even. i had no idea what to call it. but i still think about this AU fondly. smiles

[nebris]

In Which Her Prophet Expounds Upon Catastrophe Porn

~This 'rant' was prompted by a comment made on a post where I said, "…[R]emember we're an Open System. Coming and going is part of how we'll Spread The Word. None of this hiding out in the compound bullshit. That's for those who are waiting for Jesus or Hale-Bopp or what/who/fucking/ever to come and 'take them away'.

No End Times around here, babe. The Wheel keeps Turning and we have to do the Work ourselves, Blessed Be!!"

A friend asked, “And your plan to deal with a potential Climate Change end to the current Interglacial's stability and the utter collapse of the technological levels needed to make the Sisterhood viable is? The current Climate Catastrophe pretty much kills off contemporary society as we know if it even is a medium-range scenario, while your Sisterhood depends on a much higher level of technology which in turn means Climate Change must be averted which is now not likely….. “

I replied, “I suspect a pretty high level of tech will actually make the transition, but part of our game plan is the 'lifeboat' scenario and we'll be able to preserve a goodly amount of tech ourselves if it comes to that.

In addition, Stage Three of our desert community will be based upon this design. There are other elements, but it is best to keep those under wraps for the time being.”

I felt the need to expand upon all that, so here goes….

First, let me state up front that I believe that Climate Change is real and that it is fully coming upon us in the next quarter century or so.

I cannot say for certain if we caused it or if it is simply part of Mother's natural cycle of things. I strongly suspect it is a combination, that we pumped a batch of pollutants into an unstable climate system and then 'shit happened'.

I also believe that we cannot stop this process, and maybe not even ameliorate it. But I do believe we can ride it out. Some of us at least. Many are going to die. Most actually.

I know that's easy to say with equanimity from my comfy First World life, but there it is. I presently live in a double wide in a mobile home park on the far outskirts of the Greater Los Angeles Metropolitan area and I'll just have to settle for that level of 'cultural authenticity'. I sure the fuck ain't gonna move to a tent in Darfur and nether are any of y'all, so you can shut the fuck up!

While there are huge numbers of folks who are in full on denial about this, there are also a cluster of people, mostly educated white males, who seem to be actually looking forward to this. John Michael Greer writes very thoughtfully on the subject – which makes him all the more depressing - and does manage to conceal his feelings.

But my old summer camp counselor, Jim Kustsler? Fuck, dude, you can hear him whacking off as he preaches Collapse. I consider him the foremost purveyor of Catastrophe Porn, the Al Goldstein of The Collapse.

But this is just End Times for intellectual atheists and is steeped in the same type of Apocalyptic emotions, but comes from those educated white males who feel alienated from, and dis-empowered by, the monstrosity that is, if you'll pardon the phrase, Modern Civilization.

James Lovelock seems really the most sincere and authentic in this matter and his sadness is palpable. He may not think that we shall become extinct, but he can see the pain and suffering ahead, and to his great credit, it makes him weep.

I suspect I'll do some weeping myself, but I have been tasked with a Plan and need to limit the exercise of that particular emotional luxury. I have Work to do.

My own view is that Modern Civilization is not going to undergo a Total Collapse. Shit's gonna get Real Hairy, but I don't buy the End Times/Late Roman Empire paradigm. History does repeat itself, but never in the same way.

While the sheer size and complexity of Modern Civilization is part of the problem, it is also what will save our bacon, though maybe not bacon itself. There is massive informational redundancy built into the whole thing, so much so that wiping it all out is nigh impossible, short of an asteroid strike. bites tongue

Plus, this is not some Hollywood scenario. The so-called Collapse will happen over decades and will never be truly complete. Many parts of the whole will die off partially or totally, but other parts will survive nearly intact.

Things like The Road are just what I named above; Catastrophe Porn. You can watch them with popcorn or with lube, depending upon your proclivities.

Me, I don't watch them at all.

Cynical as a I am, I'm really one of those hopeful solution oriented mother fuckers, and if you have a problem with that, I'll shoot you in your fucking face and take all your stuff.

And so it is….

[nevermindirah]

Yitzhak!

is a character! who Gregadiah What-Is-Math Rucka gave us almost no information about!

I've gone through Tales Through Time #6: The Bear and #1: My Mother's Axe with several magnifying glasses and done a lot of googling and taken my copy of the Tanakh off my shelf for the first time since (well, since the last time I needed to read Torah for TOG reasons, which I think was Booker Passover headcanons) and here's the best I can come up with.

In The Bear we meet someone who goes by the name Isaac Blue:

Read on for a lot of comic panel analysis and historical research and Jewish flailing!

So what do we know about this Isaac Blue person?

He's Lorge, he's got curly hair, he's basically a taller version of Joe as drawn by Leandro Fernández (ie an antisemitic stereotype why the fuck did they approve this character design?? and then why did they double down and copy-paste it to Yitzhak??):

He's got a mezuzah on the doorpost of his house in Alaska!

I screamed about the mezuzah way back in January in this post where I (very reasonably) assumed this character was Joe and spun myself a tale about how Booker is still Joe's brother so the mezuzah stays up even though Booker isn't welcome in that house for a century. Bottom line: the mezuzah is a tradition with origins in the commandment from Deuteronomy 6:9 to "write the words of G-d on the gates and doorposts of your house" and evolved over the course of the Rabbinic period into the modern mezuzah we see here.

I did unnecessary levels of google image search to glean absolutely no useful information about Yitzhak’s origins from this panel:

I've decided the variant cover of TTT 6 is Yitzhak because of a panel in My Mother’s Axe, shown here, and what's likely an unnecessarily deep reading of Exodus, discussed further down:

The person at the right of the bottom panel is wearing the same clothes as in the TTT 6 variant cover and has the same shoulder-length curly hair and hairy forearms.

Left to right, the people in this panel are Lykon (I'll never get used to him being white in the comics), Andy, Noriko (I think? why doesn't Andy mention her by name here?), and Yitzhak. Andy's robe has a stereotypically Greek design on the sleeve cuff, and I had to stop myself 10 minutes into a Wikipedia rabbit hole because Gregorforth doesn't think that deep about this shit. The solid clues as to timeline that we get in this panel are:

Andy's iron axe

the presence of Lykon, who Andy first met in 331 BCE

So all we know is that Yitzhak is an immortal, he was a contemporary of Lykon, and he's Jewish.

Isaac is the most common Anglicization of Yitzhak (which in turn is the most common Anglophone transliteration of יִצְחָק‎), and Greg always uses the (transliterated) Hebrew when he refers to this character. Yitzhak is the long-awaited child of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis, the child who G-d commanded Abraham to sacrifice but spared at the last minute. I see what you did there, Gregory.

Why Isaac Blue? This is where I pulled out my Tanakh. According to the New JPS translation, blue is the first of three colors of yarn listed in Exodus 35:6 among the gifts requested of the Israelites to construct the priestly garments for the Tabernacle and later the Temple. Then in Numbers 15:38 the Israelites are commanded to "make themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout the ages; let them attach a cord of blue to the fringe at each corner."

And now for sandbox timelines party! Gregadiah gave us ALMOST NOTHING to go on, so I'm gonna make my own fun.

I, like many modern Jews, think the stories in the Tanakh are foundational mythology that are valuable because of how they've shaped our people but that contain some fucked-up shit and either way aren't meant to be a record of historical facts. Modern scholarship generally agrees that the community we now call Jews emerged as a distinct group of Canaanites sometime in the late Bronze Age (cw this video's host says the Name of G-d aloud despite being a religious studies scholar who knows that is not a name anyone but the Temple priests are allowed to say). The first non-Biblical written record of the people Israel is from an Egyptian source c. 1200 BCE, and the Biblical kingdom of David and Solomon was probably an exaggeration of whatever really happened during the Bronze Age Collapse. We start getting into historical-fact territory a few centuries into the Iron Age:

588 BCE Solomon's Temple destroyed, Babylonian exile begins

538 BCE Cyrus of Persia allows Jews to return to Jerusalem

515 BCE Second Temple construction complete

332 BCE Alexander the Great At Something I Guess conquered Judea, beginning the Hellenistic period of Jewish history — 331 BCE Andy & Lykon find each other

167 BCE another jerkface Greek king desecrated the Temple and basically outlawed Judaism

164 BCE recapture of Jerusalem and Temple rededication during the Maccabean Revolt

70 CE destruction of the Second Temple by the Romans, beginning of the Rabbinic period of Jewish history that we're still in now

What if... and hear me out... what if immortals come in pairs, and the pairs are:

Andy & Quynh

Joe & Nicky

Booker & Nile

LYKON & YITZHAK

What if Yitzhak was a priest of the Second Temple? What if he and Lykon killed each other just like Joe and Nicky would in the same city around 1300 years later, but instead of enemies-to-lovers speedrun with an absurdly long happily-ever-after, when Lykon died permanently Yitzhak decided to separate from Andy and Noriko and become the hermit we later see in Alaska?

We don't know how old Yitzhak is compared to the others, only that he was a contemporary of Lykon at a time when Andy was using an Iron Age version of her mother's axe. Other plausible origins for him:

a Jew of the early Rabbinic period, maybe a child or grandchild of people who were still alive before the Second Temple was destroyed

a Judean of the Second Temple era under the Romans or Greeks or Persians, maybe a priest, maybe not

an exilee in Babylon, maybe of the generation who got to return, maybe of the generation who was exiled (he doesn't look like he was 50 at his first death but who knows, he could've been mortal for both)

an Israelite of the Kingdoms of Israel and Judah, maybe a priest of Solomon's Temple or again maybe not

an Israelite wandering in the desert with Moses

THEE Yitzhak, ben Avraham v'Sarah, our patriarch who was brought up for sacrifice and then spared, and then spared again, and then spared again, and again, and again...

or! he could also be a Canaanite or other Levantine who predates the people Israel, who at some point in his very long life chose to join our mixed multitude, who like Andromache before him (and like Avram and Sarai would in this case do after him) took a new name to reflect the magnitude of influence this people has had on him

Why do I keep saying Yitzhak might have been a priest? It's thanks to the one detail in the artwork I could plausibly connect to solid research without getting a PhD real quick. Take a look at the gorgeous detail on the opening of his robe in the TTT 6 cover. He's dressed in rags, holes and dirt everywhere, rough stitches probably from hasty repair work — except for the neck opening. Compare that to this description from Exodus 39:23 of the construction of the priestly garments for the Tabernacle: "The opening of the robe, in the middle of it, was like the opening of a coat of mail, with a binding around the opening, so that it would not tear."

The next verses describe the intricate designs for the hem of the priestly garment. Yitzhak's ragged garment looks like the hem was torn off entirely.

Am I overthinking this? Yes I am! You're welcome!

My friend and historical research hero @lady-writes​ is in a Discord server with Gregadiah and asked the man himself some questions about all this. He clearly thinks he's being sneaky?? No shit Yitzhak is Jewish, dude, I want DETAILS!

I will not be giving up my Jewish Booker headcanon, I've put too much thought into it by now, the internalized shame of antisemitism explains Booker's depression too well for me, and it just adds so much richness to Booker/Nile both being children of forced diasporas. Fortunately (for him, not me, bc I'd do it anyway!) Gregothy supports fan headcanons even when they're not in line with his own:

One last thing before I close like 100 research tabs and go back to writing historical fantasy and/or porn! I love that, despite that atrocious caricature of a face design, our canon Jew and our fanon Jew are both Lorge and Soft and Kind, flying the face of the antisemitic stereotype of Ashkenazi Jewish men as small and weak, but also not falling into the New Jew / Muscle Jew stereotype that Zionism created. (I am trying SO HARD not to talk about Israel/Palestine for once ughhhhhhhhhh) Anyway here's a (US-centric but very good) primer on both these stereotypes of Jewish masculinity. Is this why I'm forever projecting my transmasc diasporist feels onto Jewish Booker the service sub? 🤷🏻‍♂️

I’ll reblog a second version of this with full image descriptions so that there’s a version accessible for folks who need IDs as well as a version accessible for folks who get overwhelmed by walls of text.

[hellhound-whisperer]

Rumor Mill (Part Five)

Pairing | Dean Winchester x reader

Warnings | spn-level violence, little MoC!Dean but not much, smut

Prompt | “The diamond in your engagement ring is fake.”

A/N | This is my first time writing any MoC!Dean, so please let me know what you think. I hope I did alright, and you enjoy.

masterlist

Working the nights was usually easy at your roadhouse – you knew all the locals, and when to cut them off, and hunters tended to want to sit and drink alone or in small groups, shoot some pool, maybe hit on the bartenders if they were on the younger side. Most knew your face, if not your name, and knew you weren’t to be seriously messed with, either because it was known you could hold your own, or who your friends were. It was surprising how quickly word got around in the hunter community when you were seeing a Winchester.

Every once in a while though, you’d get the odd group of strangers come through, and in your opinion, they were the worst. Usually drank way too much, didn’t tip enough, and were often the cause of problems at the Mill, the few times you had them. Tonight seemed like it would be one of those nights.

You were taking another round of shots to a table of four, tequila. You could tell by their carefree demeanor and OSU sweatshirts they weren’t hunters, and they weren’t with any of your local regulars. Though you checked their ID’s, you’d taken to thinking of them as Ken and Barbie, and Barney and Betty, based on their attitudes and appearance. All four had Oklahoma licenses, and you guessed they graduated recently, if that. Ken and Barbie were trying a bit too hard to look like they weren’t from the Midwest, with their blonde styled hair and designer jeans, but Barney and Betty seemed to be more at peace with their roots, with their cowboy boots a bit more worn. Likely, they were ones that recommended Rumor Mill in the first place; they looked familiar, like they were family of someone nearby.

Barbie and Ken were all over each other at the table, while Barney and Betty were in the middle of another game of pool as you walked up with their latest round of drinks.

“You guys need anything else?” you asked, setting the shot glasses down on the table.

No one answered, so you took your tray back behind the bar to resume your earlier conversation with Tommy, a hunter from Texas, passing through towards Montana.

Tommy was at the tail end of his story about a cursed porn magazine he’d had to save someone from when you heard the foursome slammed their shots, Barbie and Ken cheering as they finished. Ken waved at you, earning himself a glare from Barbie. She peeled herself off her boyfriend, stalking over to you at the bar before you could make your way back to them.

“He wants another round, not you,” she barked, or tried to. Came out as more of the yip a Yorkie makes, you mused.

You shook your head as you uncapped four beers. “Trust me, I’m not interested in your boyfriend.”

Her hand whipped up from her side, showing you a ring on her right hand. “He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my fiancé!”

You saw Tommy stiffen a little out of the corner of your eye, ready to jump in if he needed to. You shook your head a fraction, to let him know you were okay, and a cat fight wasn’t in your plans for the evening.

“Lucky you. By the way, the diamond in your engagement ring is fake.” You smirked, handing her the bottles. That seemed to shut her up, and she spun back towards Ken in huff. After that, it didn’t take long for Barbie and Ken’s arguing to escalate, ending with Barbie storming out of the bar, Ken close on her heels. Barney and Betty left some money on the table, and followed.

“Civilians,” Tommy said after their exit.

“Tell me about it. Hey, maybe the stone really was fake.” You chuckled, pouring Tommy another whiskey, in thanks to him for looking out for you earlier. “Now they idiots have left, please continue. You knew where to find the magazine, and were about to bust into the house?”

“One of the scariest sights I’ve ever seen. This guy…” Tommy busted out laughing, before he could finish his tale.

He left not long afterwards, and since he was the last to leave, you’d decided you had enough for one night.

You texted Dean, smiling as you asked him to come pick you up so the two of you could head to your apartment, as planned. Once you got his response, you busied yourself with wiping down tables, lost in thought about the rest of your evening. You were almost done putting all the chairs up when you heard the door open behind you.

“You’re quick,” you commented, turning around. You stopped quickly when you saw it was Ken that had just walked in. “We’re closed.”

“You bitch, you think you can talk to Karen like that?” Ken was seething, his hands clenched into fists.

Seeing he was blocking the door, you started to back up to the bar, where your gun was. “Wait, is her name seriously Karen?” You really couldn’t help your mouth sometimes.

His jaw twitched, and that’s when he sprung towards you, landing a clean hit to your jaw and knocking you to the ground. You managed to catch yourself as you hit the floor, pain shooting up your wrist as you did. You heard him coming up behind you, so you kicked backwards, catching him off guard. He stumbled, giving you enough time to start getting up when you heard Dean speak.

“Back away from her,” Dean said coldly, cocking his gun. You stood, meeting his gaze. “You alright, sweetheart?”

“I’ll be fine.” Dean stood deadstill, hand tight around his gun, pointed at the back of Ken’s head.

Dean nodded, walking closer behind Ken, gun still pointed. To his credit, Ken looked about ready to piss his pants, so he knew he fucked up. Grabbing his shoulder, Dean spun Ken around, hitting him on the side of his face with that pearl-white gun handle. Ken went down, and Dean picked up right back up with lightning speed, slamming him against the front wall. He looked ready to kill him when you interrupted.

“Once is enough, Dean. He’s not worth your energy.” You could feel the anger radiating off him, and knew if you didn’t stop him, he’d probably actually kill the idiot. Still holding Ken’s shirt in one hand, you saw Dean take a deep breath before shoving him towards the door.

“You got fucking lucky. Get out,” Dean commanded, and Ken ran as fast as he could out of there. You followed, locking the door behind him, and took your own deep breath to bring you down from your adrenaline high. You heard Dean coming up behind you, and turned, coming face to face. His hand cupped your good cheek, his other lightly tracing the bruise you knew you’d have come morning.

“I’m sorry I was late, Y/N,” Dean whispered. His hands shook a little, and you thought back to what Sam had said. You’d be damned if some dumb kid was the reason Dean snapped tonight.

“You weren’t. Take a breath, I’ve had worse,” you tried to reassure him, but the dark look that flooded his eyes told you that was the wrong thing to say. “Hey, I’m alright. I’ll get some ice, and you can take me home. Okay?”

Those pretty green eyes lightened a little, probably at the mention of taking you home, but you’d take it. They searched yours, looking for any sign that you were lying and more hurt than you let on, but after 30 seconds, he nodded, placed a soft kiss to your forehead before releasing the hold he had on you.

As soon as his hands dropped from your face, he grabbed yours, leading you around the bar. He made you an ice pack with a clean towel and gently placed it on your jaw. You hissed a little, and saw his eyes cloud over again.

“It just stung for a second, it’s not that bad,” you tried to sooth.

He tucked some loose hair behind your ear, thumb trailing across your skin as he did. You could feel his hand still trembling. “Let’s just get you home, sweetheart.”

You gave him a half-smile with the unharmed side of your face. “Please. I could use a drink with my knight in shining armor.”

Dean smiled at that, placing another kiss to your forehead before leading you out to Baby. As you locked up behind you, your mind started racing again, thoughts of the Mark running rampant in your head.

You were in your small kitchen, pouring two glasses of whiskey into tumblers for you and Dean, still trying to quiet your thoughts. He seemed to have calmed a bit on the drive, his hand on your thigh most of the way. At first you thought maybe the fight had riled him up that way, but the way his fingertips danced over your jeans wasn’t horny. It was almost like he was trying to ground himself, remember that you were safe next to him. And then again, maybe you should lay off on all the romance novels. You rolled your eyes at yourself, bringing the drinks to the couch.

“Thanks, Y/N,” Dean downed his in one gulp, so you pulled the hand you had hidden behind your back with the bottle.

“Thought I would save myself the trip,” you teased, smiling. You saw the first real “Dean” smile you had that night, and you relaxed a bit, pouring him another.

Dean slung his arm behind the couch, inviting you to lean into him. You were happy to oblige, tucking your legs underneath you. He was still quiet.

“Dean, it’s okay. Really,” you looked up at him, seeing he was staring straight ahead. “If you weren’t there, I would have gotten up and handed pretty Ken’s ass back to him, and then some. But I appreciate the assist,” you added.

He looked down at that last part, and smirked. His hand dropped to encircle you, fingers stroking your arm softly. “I know, Y/N/N, I know you can handle yourself. It’s just…” he trailed off, and you waited patiently. “No, you know what, not tonight. I just took a, no, my beautiful woman home, and I have been looking forward to seeing you since…” his eyes rolled upwards, calculating, “well, the last time I saw you.”

He leaned forward, setting his glass on the coffee table. He pulled you up to meet his lips, and you moved with him, pushing him to lay on the couch, your body laying on top of his. You kissed like you were teenagers, hungry for each other.

While you could keep kissing him like that forever, he seemed to need something else tonight, his hands inching up the bottom of your shirt, pushing it up. Trapping his hips with your legs, you used those muscles that yoga gave you, lifting your torso to pull the shirt over your head, feeling his cock stiffen against his jeans.

Biting your lip, you reach back to unhook and toss aside your bra. His hands were on you instantly, kneading your flesh, thumbs brushing against your nipples, making them almost painfully hard. You moaned his name loudly, feeling it right down to your core.

“That’s it, baby,” he responded, tongue flicking over his pink lips. You could read the desire written all over his face, rewarding him by unbuttoning your jeans, pulling down the zipper. You rose up a little, and that’s when he pounced, flipping you on your back. He pulled your pants off, looking at you with wonder when he realized you weren’t wearing panties.

“Thought you might like that,” you breathed, and he crashed back down on top of you, bracing his frame with his hands surrounding your head, the simple grinding of his hips against your core making you wet. Your lips reached to meet his, tongues entwining. One hand moved to release his cock from his jeans, and you could feel himself coating his head with your wetness. He lined himself up, pausing to read your expression, if you were ready. Your heart swelled a little at that.

“Please,” you begged, and plunged deep into you, your nails digging into his clothed back, screaming his name. He wasn’t sweet after that, fucking you into the couch thrust after thrust. His lips trailed down your face and neck, making you bite the inside of your cheek, since he happened to choose the side you’d just been punched on. Still, you weren’t interested in him stopping anything he was doing. He was hitting the exact right spot over and over again, and you were cumming in minutes, pulling him somehow even deeper as you did, legs trapping him in place as he grunted his own release.

Dean stilled, all his energy leaving him as he did his best not to crush you under his weight. You were both panting as you came down, and you trapped his scruffy cheeks between your hands, his gaze meeting yours. It was quick, and it was rough, but you knew it was what he needed at that moment, and it was definitely worth being a little sore come morning.

“Gorgeous…” he whispered, leaning down to brush his lips with yours. “And mine,” he almost growled. You pulled him down to kiss you properly, relishing in the feel of his body against yours, his softening cock still inside you.

“And to think, that was just round one,” you smiled despite the stiffness in your jaw, so thoroughly lost in your own haze of pleasure.

Dean chuckled, kissing you again. “Oh sweetheart, round one of many.” He reached over, balancing himself over you, to pick up and down his drink. He sighed, finishing it. “Shower?”

You placed your palms to his chest, pushing him. “Damn right.”

You’d decided in that moment, talking could wait until the morning.

[larnax]

Yes, yes, YES! AO3 is designed EXACTLY to protect people from “DISCOVERY!” Even the people you personally think are bad people! Even you! And if you think that a site that DOESN'T leave its users open to bashing, witch hunts, doxxing and harassment is a bad site, then it can only be assumed that YOU want to bash, witchhunt, doxx and harass people who don’t meet your moral standards. That is not a good thing! It is not!

And you are as free as the wind to criticize any fic you choose so long as a) you are not doing it in front of the author b) are not threatening the author and c) are not doxxing the author. Discord is a great place to do that! PRIVATELY. You are also free and encouraged to make any amount of helpful educational posts for the young and easily impressionable warning them of things that are not alright irl and what to do if you recognize yourself as a victim of one. How many such have you made lately?

And btw, anyone with any understanding of library studies will tell you that AO3's tagging system is a miracle and the envy of absolutely any such organization. There are plenty of such posts on tumblr! Look them up, maybe!

like i clearly and repeatedly explained in the post, "good archive" and "prevents users from discovering its contents" are mutually exclusive. this is the entire point of the post and ultimately irrelevant to whether or not i personally approve of the content. as i said repeatedly, assuming you could read and understand words, the problem is that a search system that CAN'T FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR or gives you almost entirely irrelevant results is a shitty search engine.

ao3 provides zero actual protection from doxxing or harrassment, it just has a shitty search engine. they didn't even let you block users until very recently. you might as well say my tumblr blog has incredible protection from witchhunts because the search bar can't filter tags.

a user who has trouble with a badly designed website isn't inherently Young and Stupid, you're just so up your own ass that you think memorizing 80 euphemisms for pedophilia makes you a supergenius. like i said explicitly in words, a library that incorrectly files or provides literally no relevant information on its contents is a bad library.

but yeah no "you can't criticize media publicly" is the kind of deranged take that would get you laughed out of town and pelted with tomatoes in any creative community except your social bubble. you being such a loser that people talking about how the romanticization of sexual assault can lead to its normalization in society, an extremely well documented phenomenon, makes your glass bones and paper skin shatter is firmly a "you" problem.

ultimately my post was making a utilitarian argument about whether or not ao3 is an effective archive. it's not. i have no problem with archives that store works by bad people that explicitly argue for awful things, and in fact i think they are vital to maintain for the reasons i stated. i just understand psychology and realize that if someone writes raceplay porn that the author should not be immune to criticism just because the archive itself is necessary.

but yes, i do think that some works should be restricted from, like, 6 year olds. some people, like elementary schoolers and you, don't have the mental capacity to understand cause and effect, so giving them propaganda for certain ideas when they don't yet have the ability to think critically can lead to them wholesale internalizing whatever they read.

and i do think that it is bad to write a book about how epic and good rape is. i think we should take that book and put it in a library so everyone can see that you think that and criticize you for it, and if that hurts your feelings you shouldn't have published it. i fully understand that authors can write books where characters espouse and even encourage ideas that the author does not hold, however it's thoroughly bad reading comprehension to assume that you can't ever read something and a) analyze what ideas the narrative itself supports while also b) when applicable, understanding that a book that endorses ideas and an author who endorses them irl are not correlation without causation.

also the 'if YOU think some people are bad that must mean YOU are the REAL bad person' is just such a stupid logical fallacy. some things are different from other things. lemonade is different from microplastics. gay sex is different from racism. the difference between me and you is that i know what i'm talking about and you're repeating bullshit slogans from people obsessed with a website that doesn't work very well.

in conclusion,

[julia1x5]

Don't wanna disrupt the original post so here's this:

Ok so today a sissy blog chose violence 🤣 let's break this down and have a laugh. For context the original post is about how the United States has a gun problem.

1. "A gun is only as good or as evil as the person carrying or using it." Maybe then we shouldn't allow such broad access to firearms 🤔

2. "The United States would not exist if men with guns did not fight for it to be that way" Don't threaten me with a good time, sweetheart. You mean men with gun STOLE the land and made it in a way that benefits only them. And even if it were the case that it that was somehow a good thing, its nothing more than an appeal to tradition. It has no bearing on the current claim other than "we've always done it"

3. "The gun cannot decide to pull the trigger, it is an inanimate object, merely a tool." A tool designed to what? 🤔🤔🤔 ahh kill a tool designed to kill living people. Good point!

4. "Go back to your fantasy delusional happy safe space." Where's safe? Because public mass shootings are getting pretty damn common. My apartment was mere blocks from the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting.

5. "Let the rest of the world live however they will" translation: don't make me question the status quo

6. "Do your video games involve violence?" Ah the age ol' boomer vidja gayms bäd. Would have been nice if you actually connected that thought to a point...

7. "Because a few idiots and gangsters use firearms for the wrong reason, then noone should have the right to possess one?" I like the gangster dog whistle there. Again missing the point, the US has an ease of access to guns problem.

8. "Now there you go trying to infringe on the rights of the constitution. You should read it and learn it" fun fact I'm a law student and we have a full year of required constitutional law! So I've read it and studied it quite a lot actually! The 2nd amendment states:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The important thing to look at is a well regulated militia. These were important to communities at the time as they needed a way to defend themselves from the people they slaughtered and stole from. Individual gun rights is a legal fiction created only 14 years ago by Justice "The constitution only means what it did in 1776 until its politically convenient" Scalia in 2008.

9. "I have a 4 year bachelor degree of sciences from MIT" Irrelevant appeal to authority. I'm finishing my final year in law school, an arguably more relevant background to the actual discussion. But I guess you gotta flex 🤷‍♀️

10. "What credentials do you have? I'll place a safe bet that you don't have anything more than a high school diploma and you probably work at Walmart." Again I am currently finishing law school have taken courses in constitutional law, etc. But gotta say that classism is not a great look sweetheart.

Furthermore individual gun rights in the US has been a means to further white supremacy. I recommend this video:

So, I'll say it again, shut the fuck up you dumbass sissy porn blog.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

still not Jean Milburn, but here we are with the mystery of the female orgasm

*insert soobin's voice here* HI LADIES BYE GUYS! i sent an ask some time ago asking for advice and i now come to you again but this time i would like to ask for some tips regarding, you know, the good ol' devil's tango

aka fucking

ya, so, thing is, i'm 20 and i never had an orgasm. i lost my virginity at 16, had multiple sex partners (male and female) this past years and i just cannot get there, not even by myself. maybe i should see a doctor, but that's embarassing as fuck...

why am i sharing this now? because yesterday i had sex and i thought i was gonna get there! it was good, really fun, the guy was literally as thick as my wrist (i am a small girl, but you get the picture), and even though it hurt like a bitch when he first slammed that MASSIVE FUCKING DICK in me, i enjoyed it! but i still couldn't cum hahahah its not funny but please laugh through the pain with me

any thoughts? at this moment and time i will take any comments whatsoever :)

*sips tea*

Don't think it has anything to do with his dick, but I can take a look at it, I suppose, ya know, for research.

Mmm.

Anyway

I'm still not a doctor. Not even a sex therapist. Don't even play one on any streaming services. Maybe I'd make more money. Damn.

Orgasm through penetration occurs, but most women can only orgasm through clitorial simulation. It has nothing to do with age, don't worry about that. I think sometimes people forget that vaginal intercourse is designed primarily for biological reproduction and female pleasure comes secondary (yeah, it be like that).

A bit disheartening that you've been unable to give yourself an orgasm. The most important person in your life that should be able to give you an orgasm is you. Once you know how to reliably give yourself an orgasm, you can communicate with your partner(s) to help you get there.

Expectations also play a factor. You can end up psyching yourself out and your own anxiousness / excitement can kill your climb to climax. A mental block, if you will. Might actually be what happened to you; perhaps you were so elated that you were about to get there and you built it up in your head and your body was like, "bruh u scaring me" and so it didn't happen (depress).

Let's focus on you giving yourself an orgasm reliably. Whatchu doing? Usually clitorial simulation is where it's at. Are toys involved? Vibrators? There's even clitorial simulators that create a suction around your clit (personal fave tbh). Lube? Could increase the sensations depending on what kind of lube. The bottom line is, what makes you feel good? Maybe you need more experimentation.

Suggestions I made involve monetary investment, but it doesn't have to (although I recommend investing in your orgasms, it does improve mental health). Touch yourself all over. Tease the outside, build it up, finger yourself, rub your clit. What are your erogenous zones? What makes you horny (reading BTS porn? ;) )?

Spend some time and get to know your body. Take mental (or physical?) notes on what gives you the most pleasure each time. Experiment. If it's weird, so what, you're alone, nobody is looking. It's different for everyone. There's no right way. For example, I never finger myself. It doesn't get me off. But it works for other people. I will say it's less about speed and more about consistent pressure, usually on your clit, but some find that too sensitive, so it's wherever you're most comfortable and feel the most pleasure. Masturbate. A lot. A lot. Yeah, that's the homework on this one. XD

Sex and self-pleasure is not just the orgasm. It's everything, how attracted you are to the person, how you're touching, the things you're doing, self-confidence. To be honest, the orgasm is the least interesting part. It's everything else, the nails on your back, the tongue drawing patterns on your skin, the kisses that follow the curve of your waist as the fingers sink into your thigh and pull them apart. Fast or slow, rough or tender, maybe both to have that juxtaposition drive you crazy. Don't think so much about the end. Stay in the moment. Take the pressure off yourself and your partner. Just have fun having sex. You more likely to orgasm if you're not thinking about it. Feels better too because you're not expecting it. XD

Focus on you and giving yourself orgasms. What's that BTS said? Oh, yeah, love yourself. Jack off. BTS and I endorse sexual health.

*thumbs up!* :D

-

(also, don't be embarrassed seeing a professional if needed, it's a common issue and they've 100% seen way weirder than you, trust me)