#that’s another reason why musical episodes feel so left field in TV shows today

[girl4music]

Another reason to watch Buffy and Charmed in this day and age. You’ll discover 90’s/early 2000’s music - which is a hell of a lot better than music today.

TV shows today do not include live music - with a setting actually dedicated to it like The Bronze and P3.

That was a 90’s/early 2000’s thing that’s missed.

[jimmigmalingan]

Her Name Is Not “baby”, It’s JANET.

It’s not “Miss Jackson if you’re nasty” either, although just as iconic.

What better way to celebrate Women’s Month than to get to know a great embodiment of a strong and powerful woman. In fact, so strong and so powerful that my instinctive reaction when I first saw the invite to her journalism class was “Oh no.”

That was the G-Rated version of it actually. Nevertheless, same message. 

I barely even knew who she was or what her teaching style was going to be like. Her G-suite display picture just exuded “Oh no” energy. I mean that as a compliment.

I went straight to my friend from elementary school who shifted to Communication a year earlier than I did. I said “Do you have any tea on her?” The first thing he told me was that she had very high standards.

I like that, actually.

Back when I was in high school, which seems like very long time despite only having been a whopping three years, those were the types of teachers that I would consider my favorite ones. Ma’am Rachel from my English class, and Ma’am Elma from my Research and Biology class. Both of which actually went on to be school heads in different schools after we graduated.

I’m just here thinking to myself “God, I would’ve been excelling at her class if it isn’t for this stupid pandemic.” I clearly am not. We will get to that soon.

When we had the chance to organize an interview as a class, it invigorated me a tad bit. This is the closest I can get to having human interaction in an academic sense, but it was also my chance to have an idea or two of who ‘Janet Tibaldo’ was. Is she going to be the bane of my existence for the next four or so years or is she going to be alongside the people who I consider to be my “heroes”?

To my surprise, she’s very, well... human.

From what I’ve gathered in both of the interviews, our class’ and the other, she is a woman of strength. She is a passionate educator, a dedicated mother, and most of all, a woman of faith and devotion. In both of the interviews, she often emphasizes the importance of the “vertical relationship” in her life, and how it can have a positive effect in one’s horizontal relationships.

I do appreciate those remarks from her quite a bit, despite me having a rockier and more complex relationship with God as a queer person. I never considered myself an atheist. I do believe in God, and I believe that I am loved by God, despite knowing that people out there will try to convince me otherwise.

How could he possibly hate me when I pray to him too and he answers them just the same? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

When she said that you can fix your horizontal relationships once your vertical relationship is stable, it did strike a cord just as much as it struck a verve in me. I am trying to. It took me a while, but nevertheless I’m glad that I am here.

She often described herself as “strict”, both as a parent and an educator. It often surprises me how much bombardment my friend from elementary experiences from her subjects. The way he describes it to me sounds a bit like torture. I always took his words about her with a grain of salt. I will probably never believe him until I experience it first hand. He did say I was lucky that I shifted during online classes because she is a bit more lenient, otherwise I would’ve been dead meat.

If she was the monster that she’s painted out to be, I do understand why. It’s not like I don’t have a maternal figure or two in my life with eerily similar approaches. Like I said, she is a bit more human than what one would expect. She talked about her sleepless nights to dedicate herself onto her work, how she takes it upon herself when things go wrong, and how she said she hopes for a better and more empathetic world when I asked about her hopes for the future. To me she sounds like a person who stands her ground and knows exactly what she wants, even if it gets the best of her at times.

With that, she shared a peek of her younger days, how she spent her childhood during the Martial Law era, how newscasters on TV sparked her interest in the field of Communication, how in her college days they made do with the resources they had back then, emphasizing how lucky we are to have the technology we have now, how she was an activist back in the day. It painted a picture in my mind. Ahhh. No wonder.

There has always been ‘fire’ inside of her. A fire that lead her to be an educator today, despite having left the path of being a media practitioner.

I did think about it a couple of times. If being a visual artist doesn’t work out for me, maybe I’ll just teach. To me, it looks fun. She did say that she never thought in a million years that she would end up becoming a teacher because she thought it looked boring. According to her, lot of her family members ended up becoming teachers and she never wanted to be one of them. Maybe there’s some ugly parts of it that I don’t get to see, but it seems like a much more stable career path than visual arts, especially in a country like this.

Just from the interviews alone, you can tell that she has so much wisdom to offer in this field. That makes me all the more excited to meet her in person. If anything, there’s your proof right there that God is out there writing poetic justice for people. Maybe it was God’s way of saying “I have something better in mind for you, you just have to trust me.”

Another standout from the interviews was when she told all of us as a piece of advice that we should grab opportunities as they come. Oftentimes, the biggest regrets you have in life aren’t the things you did but the things you didn’t do. I have to admit, the main reason why this music video is taking too long to make is because of self doubt and insecurity. She’s right. I should toughen up a bit, shouldn’t I? Not only that, but there’s a lot of competitions that I found interesting in the facebook group that I just allowed to pass me by. I don’t want to blame my years in Architecture for it, because it did cause me some good. It’s just that I knew what I was running away from after years of feeling like I will never amount to anything. 

I knew that. If anything I was way bolder when I left high school, only for Architecture to beat me down. It does take someone like her to remind me of who I was then.

When I was going through my depressive episode late last year, ultimately leading me to shift to Communication, I found myself seeking refuge in the music of Janet Jackson. As a matter of fact, I shared her music to the same friend I mentioned earlier, and now he’s a fan too. We’d often joke about which Janet we were talking about in the conversation.

On one hand, we have Janet the popstar, who despite being blacklisted by Bush’s racist and misogynistic America, kept on going. She kept performing and making music for as recent as 2018, and now she’s inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. On the other, we have Janet the teacher, who keeps holding on to her faith despite all of the trials and challenges that came her way all these years.

What’s it about Janets being fiery passionate women anyway?

That actually leads me to my next point of interest.

What moved me the most about both of the interviews was her openness about her struggles with mental health, and how she refers students to seek help as well back when classes were physical. I don’t think conversations like these were possible back in the day, especially when I was a child. Apparently I didn’t have ADHD I was just an idiot, and people like me get punished for their idiocy. That was my upbringing, and it’s so refreshing to know that kids nowadays are lucky to have a ‘zeitgeist’ like this.

I was brought up for the longest time in the idea that if you show any signs of vulnerability, you are weak. It took some time for me to ‘rewire’ my brain and undo all of that...

because that is blatantly false.

If anything, for me, it further solidified how strong she was. It takes so much strength to admit that you’re human. It takes so much courage to tell yourself that you probably need help because you struggle in this aspect of your life. It is so easy to pretend that you can take everything like a champ and you don’t need anyone to help you.

The easy route was to say “I’m fine” or “I’m doing good” when asked a simple question “How are you?”, the hard route is to ask yourself that same question “How am I?” and be honest and introspective about it.

She did just that. She took the hard route.

She said she was having trouble sleeping and that she had to consult a mental heath expert for that recently, and that this pandemic made it particularly hard for her to juggle work and home matters.

I don’t think she will ever understand how a simple statement like that inspires someone like me, because what I got from that was ‘if somebody as strong and as passionate as her bleeds the same way that I do, I too can be strong like her.’

I just booked my appointment to my therapist yesterday. I haven’t seen her in quite some time now. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone in this, despite going there for feeling alone. Ironic, isn’t it? I feel like I’m running out of friends, and it’s starting to feel like paralysis, really.

After the interview ended, and I finished watching the interview from the other block, I couldn’t grasp the idea of this woman being taken as a monster, because the only words I could think of in association to her thus far is ‘uplifting’ and ‘inspiring’, in the same way that Ma’am Rachel was one of the people who inspired me to be a a cartoonist and Ma’am Elma inspired me to be a competitive dancer.

I had to give up three years worth of friendships to start back from scratch and to be here. I was actually so unsure if it was even worth the sacrifice, but Ma’am Janet Tibaldo, out of all people, showed me something to look forward to in this field. Based on what I’ve gathered from her, I’m up for a good time.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 9: Denial on so Many Fronts

I’ve managed to have a pretty open timeslot this holiday, where I decided I was going to do lots of catch up work. (I have instead filled up my Background Music Playlist with lots of youtube piano covers of Castlevania.)

So of course I find myself back at this blog to fill the leftover time, it being so many weeks (months, actually) since I was able to do a double update weekend (spoiler, I did not finish a second update  :) ).

This episode, Yugioh decided to legitimately enter romance territory and y’all it is something. And I don’t mean it in a “Ain’t that something!” sort of way, I mean it in the “That is...something.” Kind of way. And for the first time in forever, I actually have to talk about romance today. For once that is actually something this episode is about. For about 5 entire minutes. It’s staggering.

So lets get into it because the stance the show decides to take against the only valid romantic relationship it’s had outside of Pegasus sure is something.

Duke has managed to get inside Pegasus’ facility/Place Duke works at every single day. Incredible that he finally made it inside of his actual workplace. Whether he just found an open door or Metal Geared up a trash chute is undeclared, since that was all off screen between episodes, but maybe he has to do this like...all the time? Like heaven forbid Duke ever leave his phone at the office because this place seems iron clad and apparently there is absolutely no one he can call to let him in.

Like for reals isn’t Duke upper level management or something? Like a team director for an entire model of card game? Wtv, I guess he got demoted at some point and now he’s at the same level as a Google temp.

Duke used to air on international TV, just throwing that out there. He used to be a very big deal. Course, for all we know, maybe he also got locked out of his game store all the freakin time?

Anyway, he finds some random room he’s decided is the security room and uh...

Starts just mashing buttons.

I assume that he was just mashing the entire time it took for this duel to last, PS, because we all know that password, but does Duke? Is Duke, in fact, the only character left on this show that doesn’t know Pegasus’ password because he wasn’t there in most of S1?

(read more under the cut)

As Joey is playing Mai, he’s noticed that she is freaking out, but only intermittently. She’s going in between personalities like Yugi and Pharaoh.

In the show it makes it seem like she’s “Snapping out of it” as far as the Orichalcos’ effects go. But like...becoming a stumbling crying mess in between card draws is sort of like...not making Joey look like a good guy.

In fact, this episode goes out of their way to try and paint him a hero but they didn’t accomplish that. They start to. It starts to look like that. As Mai is breaking down, she loses her weird Oricalchos ability to no longer feel fear, and Joey takes the opportunity to try and get her to away from the dark side.

Thing is, the duel has already started so it’s kind of moot now since neither she nor Joey really know how to end the duel without killing the other. So it’s like he’s trying to reach out to her the only way he can since this duel wasn’t his choice anyway, but it is in a way that is killing both of them. Symbolism, I guess. 

You know, it seemed like the show just needed a way to put a timer over Joey’s head and this was the only excuse they could give because the right thing to have done is just not play anything.

And that whole thing last episode where Pharaoh was like “there is ONE way out of this situation” I assumed would be about a tie. I kind of just assumed a tie would take place like between Kaiba and Alister...instead...it got weird.

First off, Valon--out of all people, Valon the drug card pusher of the wacky accent--decided to be more heroic than any of our heroes who are currently just gawking at a force field.

It’s been like 4 seasons since Yugi jumped and hung off the edge of a clocktower, only holding on by the point of his pyramid puzzle, and I keep seeing situations where we could see Yugi impress us yet again and instead he keeps his feet planted firmly on the ground while random ass Valon just shoots into the air like a rubber band.

Why didn’t I just assume that when Pharaoh said “I know how to beat this.” he meant to punch it directly in the face?

I’m pretty sure it’s an allusion to the fact that Oricalchos takes away your sense of fear that these three are constantly being huge idiots and jumping off ledges and out of airplanes but like...

...they are wearing a lot of padding, to be fair.

(I joke about Joey getting possessed as if he hasn’t been already)

And so Valon, this evil as hell villain who’s probably killed countless numbers of people up until now just starts freaking out about Mai. Like, a lot for this show. Like we even get a really awkward death squeeze. And like she ain’t even dead.

Almost like Severus Snape in that awkward Harry Potter Movie flashback, but Valon actually dated her once (I could go off about the Harry Potter movies but I’ll spare you.) It’s just every time Mai passes out there will be some man crying over her that she doesn’t even seem remotely aware of when she’s awake.

Like remember how Mai got engaged and she forgot? At the time I thought that was super weird but I’m starting to realize she probably just took a nap or something and then boom.

So although none of this is Raphael’s business, he’s so annoyed at Valon for possibly pissing off Darts that he decides to deflect his anger onto Pharaoh--who wasn’t even participating in this duel.

I mean Raphael wanted to kill Pharaoh anyway but it still feels like kind of a reach.

Speaking of reach...I miss our really good storyboarder. Check out that foreshortened hand. Man Yugioh, the whiplash from good to eh. It’s so much whiplash.

So, in a burst of green light, the three bikers vanish.

And I guess now they can just use Mai’s bike whenever, because it’s not like she’s gonna use it. But I doubt very much Tristan will remember that.

And so, this is about where this episode’s romance goes a little weird because Joey just...

Am I supposed to want Joey to break up Valon and Mai? Like I know one time Joey attempted to take a fireball for her (but didn’t, that was Pharaoh, who isn’t currently crying about Mai despite taking a fireball for her), and then another time Joey dueled Marik for her (and lost.) But like...then Joey lost touch with her for over a year and legitimately didn’t seem bothered until just now when she showed up.

Valon not only seems at least 2 years older than Joey, he’s also stuck around with her for longer than a week, which is much longer than the amount of time that Joey Wheeler has spent with her (while she was conscious). And listen I don’t ship, you know me, but I feel like the show isn’t doing a good job to convince me that Valon is anything but loyal to Mai. Just throwing that out there.

It just comes off that Joey is jealous and unable to cope with Mai being around another guy, when it’s like...Joey...Mai was gone for over a year. You can’t claim dibs anymore. It’s possessive this episode to a degree I don’t think the writers wanted to go. It feels like an accident that they wrote him like this.

I guess, story wise, Joey needs a reason to duel and be on this show--but why must it always gravitate around a girl who’s actually just fine without him?

Like Mai right now is a mess but she wants to be this mess. Personally I think he should respect her decision and give her space but I guess this show really wants to go the angle of “If your friend goes off the deep end, dive after them” to which I would like to say “or don’t.”

Like I think this is all on a case by case basis, but...Mai’s MURDERED people (and a gas station). Although one of them was Pegasus, who doesn’t count, this is still a situation where you should maybe avoid your friend and just call the cops already. If there has been a murder, especially if there’s been over 20 murders, it’s OK to finally call the cops. Mai is a SERIAL MURDERER, which should never mean “she can come back.”

I mean it’s not like any of these kids decided to start hanging out with Marik, right? And I mean they kinda all decided unanimously that maybe they should hold back chilling with Bakura? This should be old hat for them now. They’ve had to deal with the murderous betraying friend so many times. Why must Mai be so special?

But I guess that is Joey’s whole shpeal, isn’t it? That’s Joey’s magical superpower? He wouldn’t be friends with Yugi if he was bothered by his friend occasionally going Pure Asshole. And Joey did have a darker background himself (which is something the show keeps telling me but I have never actually seen because we haven’t seen it in Season Zero. Which honestly means I should do a Season Zero next because how long am I going to wait to watch that Joey backstory?)

So I guess I should stop being so practical about it, this is a fantasy story, and the fantasy of Joey Wheeler is that he can actually try to keep the people in his life from going topside and it actually works. The most magical person in all of Yugioh if that’s true because you ever try and change a drug addict? There’s a reason why they have therapists for that.

Speaking of topside,

Kaiba just shows up in the middle of a Joey meltdown and youknow what? He’s barely even that surprised that these guys are in San Fransisco crying on the floor of his ex-competitor’s lobby. He’s just so used to this.

And so, we’re all going to ignore Joey and just try not to notice Rex and Weevil and instead talk about cards.

Ps in the show Mokuba says his brother “swept the floor” of Alister when like...Seto nearly died multiple times. Mokuba’s so ready to lie his face off to save his brother’s face when like...no one asked. He just volunteered this information.

That and Mokuba might not actually know how this game is played (NO ONE REALLY KNOWS) and legitimately thinks his brother did really good in that card game. We still don’t know entirely what the title “Battle Commissioner” even meant and knowing this company it was probably a secret job made to hide lots and lots of illicit insider trading. Because we all know Mokuba wasn’t playing cards.

So, Yugi remembers that he has this key card that is a card with a key printed on it, and figures...it probably opens a door or something. That maybe they should do that thing they came to California to do, and since all (counts on fingers) 9 of them (10 if you count Pharaoh) are here, they may as well all do it together.

Meanwhile, every animator in that studio cried a single tear over the amount of bad hair they will have to shove into every frame between 9 of these people. Crowd scenes wow.

And what’s great about this next shot is that you have no idea which way Joey’s head is pointed. I dare you. take it in.

And so they all go up to the top floor with Duke Devlin while these two are just...still here.

Rex and Weevil are still here. Despite everything.

(forgive me if this is a joke I forgot I read off of tumblr once. I’ve been reviewing this show so long I just...I don’t remember what jokes I’ve already made)

(Also, I can’t believe they stuck in Rex and Weevil but didn’t put in Mokuba into this shot.)

So they open the cryptic door with the cryptic Keycard and enter...Pegasus’ room of toon suits.

I imagine he just pulls these out whenever there’s an event in the city, just like “Hell yes hell yes it’s Bay to Breakers time to be a parrot with boobs for some reason.”

(fun fact, despite the weather, SF is home to 3 clothes-optional beaches. You can see two of them from the Bridge.)

And so Pegasus decides to tell everybody what we already know. Rex and Weevil have overheard this, but they’re busy like...looking for trading cards in all these mascot suits. Whatever makes it easier for this team of animators. Like you never really think about it, but kid’s shows have just a hell ton of crowd scenes. Worse than a Marvel comic right here.

PS, if you are designing a comic or a drawn story of any degree--just never allow a party to be more than 4 people at a time, Kill off anyone you have to in order to make this happen, you’ll thank me later. Never EVER a draw a crowd scene. Once you do, then other people will think that you can draw crowd scenes, and you never, ever want anyone to know that.

It was nice of Pegasus to let Arthur Hawkin’s take the fame for Atlantis, I guess. But like...Pegasus just...he really doesn’t seem to care about the fate of humanity unless it inconveniences his card game.

Bro brought up “how much do you think Pharaoh even knows about America other than it’s a place across the sea that Rebecca lives? Like do you think that he has a good grasp on there being 7 continents?” and I’m guessing...not much. Course this is like a weird America with mesas and deserts in Napa so...I don’t know if the animators have a good grasp even.

Anyway, where do you think the key is?

And What do you think the key is?

So in the show Kaiba sees this card and goes “It’s a worthless card” (because I dunno maybe he forgot for the zillionth time that this was how he got turned into a playing card) and then Pharaoh replies “Maybe to you it is.” and like...

...You know the thought crossed Pharaoh’s mind.

To just put a little Seto in there.

Youknow, it took me 4 seasons but I can deffo see why and how Pegasus did it. If I were in Pegasus’ shoes, how long would it take me before the Kaiba kids are paper? Like 10-20 minutes tops? Especially with how completely insane Kaiba acts this episode?

And speaking of endless denial, Joey still hasn’t quite caught up to the plot.

He’s getting there, but he’s mentally still crying on the floor of the lobby.

Just Joey going all ham about a girl he hasn’t thought about in over a year. And then from the other side of the room, Kaiba is still coming to terms with Ep 2.

Like you have to hand it to Duke Devlin that not once in this entire series has he had a denial meltdown. Even Yugi had a denial meltdown (at several points) but Duke? Duke’s just winging it. Dukes just has no idea what’s happening or what he’s doing and is just winging it every second he’s been alive. He’d fit right into San Fransisco.

Like remember Duke hangs out in the bad parts of the Tenderloin for some reason, he deals with PG&E just deleting your power willy nilly and still making you pay for it, Comcast, Bay Area traffic, and, of course, the entire North Bay lighting on fire once a year, so he’s totally fine when it comes to cards.

And so Yugi, just unable to think of any solution to Kaiba being a wall just holds this up

And so with that, Kaiba has joined the party. I guess.

Well, back to eating this large stack of holiday cookies. Hope y’all have a good one--happy holidays! 

It’s been a very weird year, but we’ve had some good news here in the States recently, I’m sure you all heard about it, that Inktober is legally unprofitable so now that means there will be nigh an Inktober ever again, and I am so stoked. I am so excited that the decade of hellish Inktobers is finally over.

That and the other stuff that happened but we won’t get into that ;)

Hopefully I’ll do another post before 2020 but I’m sort of in denial that 2020 is happening so I’m doing my best not to look at the calendar.

And if you just got here, this is where you can read my recaps in Chrono order from S1 Ep1

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Five

Part 2 of 3

This section contains clips that take place after S5M8, “Liar Liar,” M10, “Wrong Song,” and M20, “Stay Alive.” This information is indicated before each set of clips by a note in italics.

(the following clips take place after S5M8)

[static]

ZOE CRICK: It's on.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We're transmitting?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You're sure?

ZOE CRICK: We're in a van in a field somewhere I can't say, with equipment cobbled together from Dixons, and the entire government of the country after us, so we can't stay in any one place for more than half an hour. So no, I'm not sure. There's maybe a 23% chance that we are, right now, transmitting.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, good enough. Good morning, ci-ti-zens! You're listening to Radio Free Abel, fearlessly bringing you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth! We'll be back to tell you how and why after this song.

ZOE CRICK: So we're still going to play music? Even though we've got half an hour in this location? How much time for the truth will that leave us?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe, no one's going to listen if we don't play some good tunes.

ZOE CRICK: They might. I mean, they might just listen to us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, it's always possible. Let's just play it safe, eh? We'll be back after this next song!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And we're back. You're listening to Radio Free Abel, telling you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

ZOE CRICK: Are you going to say that every time?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's important.

ZOE CRICK: But isn't it a bit like saying "no offense" before you say something, when that 100% guarantees the next thing to come out of your mouth is going to be super offensive?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe, do you not actually want our listeners to believe us?

ZOE CRICK: No, I do. Of course I do. I definitely want them to believe me when I say that I love cats in a totally proportional and reasonable way, despite what certain people might have insinuated.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but that actually is a lie.

ZOE CRICK: Okay! I know we've both accused each other of lying, but that's just like, reverse psychology or something. No, you know what? Why don't you listen to a song, yeah? I think listening to some music might be a very good idea at this point.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And we're back. This is Radio Free Abel, telling you the things your government doesn't want you to hear.

ZOE CRICK: Okay, this is... this is true, and it's important. For anyone who's listening, anyone at all, we want you to know that no one is helping us. No one's harboring us, or giving us food, or any assistance at all. Everything we're doing and saying – that's just on us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And no one knows where we are. We um, we left some people behind, and some of them are children, and they're safe and happy, and they've got no way to get in touch with us, and we've got no way to get in touch with them.

ZOE CRICK: So blame us if you don't like what we're saying. Punish us. But you'll have to catch us first.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think that's our cue to move on. We'll be back as soon as we can. In the meantime, here's a little song that always makes me think of those dishonest sods at the Ministry of Recovery.

[static]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, citizens! Radio Free Abel is back on your airwaves!

ZOE CRICK: And today, we're going to play a little game of True or False. I'm going to say something some of you may have heard about Abel, and Phil will tell you if it's true, or false. You know, hence the name True or False.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, I think they probably got that.

ZOE CRICK: Okay. So, to begin. Abel was responsible for the zombie apocalypse: true or false?

[buzzer buzzes]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Nope. They were working just as hard as they could to cure it, but it was the Minister of Recovery herself, Sigrid Hakkinen, who deliberately created and then released the zombie plague. And Abel have evidence to prove it.

ZOE CRICK: Only they can't show anyone the evidence because the Ministry's stolen most of it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] We sound like conspiracy nuts, don't we? The Minister started the zombie plague, and also the moon landings are faked, and 9/11 was an inside job.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, well, you know what, listeners? You don't have to believe us about the Minister. But then, you shouldn't believe the Minister about Abel, either. Because that's just another bogus conspiracy theory.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And sticking to our theme, this next song is Zoe's favorite karaoke number. True or false?

ZOE CRICK: Abel radio operator Sam Yao is unhealthily obsessed with rubbish kid's TV of the 1970s that he used to watch on YouTube. True or false?

[bell dings]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, no, that one's totally true, I'm afraid.

ZOE CRICK: I mean, really, really obsessed. Like, can name every episode of Ace of Wands in order, even the deleted ones, and sing the theme tune.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: To be fair, so can you.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] But uh, I'm doing it ironically.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. Anyway, don't even get him started talking about Jimmy's Jaunts.

ZOE CRICK: Not unless you've got a couple of hours to spare.

ZOE CRICK: Janine De Luca was a power-mad homocidal maniac. True or false?

[buzzer buzzes]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's false! It's so false, it's almost coming out the other end being true again!

ZOE CRICK: Except it hasn't. It's a big fat lie, and it's... Janine was a good person! It really gets my goat, the stuff they're saying about her! If I had a goat, which I don't – where did that expression come from, anyway? I mean, what's so bad about getting someone's goat? Maybe you just want to milk it for them, or you know, pet it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think we're wandering a bit off the point, Zo.

ZOE CRICK: What? Oh, yeah. The point is, Janine De Luca was a hero.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ask anyone who knew her.

ZOE CRICK: Apart from Amelia Spens, since you know, she knew her and also said all that bollocks about her.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Actually, I just had an idea.

ZOE CRICK: What?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, never mind. Tell you later. Time we were off. This has been Radio Free Abel, telling you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

(the following clips take place after S5M10)

JODY MARSH: And then she told me all about how clever she’d been when she tricked three children into giving her their last corn flakes!

ZOE CRICK: Hold on, wait. Wait! I think I just flipped the switch to transmit. [fiddles with switch]

JODY MARSH: Is… that thing that conceals where you’re broadcasting from and, and where I am, is that still working?

ZOE CRICK: It is. Yeah.

JODY MARSH: Then broadcast it. It doesn’t matter if she hears this. I mean, I’m not one to say something behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their face, and I’d tell Amelia to her face that I think she’s completely awful. I have told her that to her face. More than once. Actually, more than a dozen times!

ZOE CRICK: Well, I suppose the point of Radio Free Abel is to let people know about the real Abel. And you don’t get much realer than drunk and disorderly it! Bloody hell, is it really four in the morning? How much have we been drinking? Wait… what was I saying?

JODY MARSH: You were talking about how horrible Amelia Spens is.

ZOE CRICK: I’m pretty sure that was you. Also, isn’t she one of us now? You know, listeners, one of the good guys?

JODY MARSH: Oh… oh yeah. No, I mean, she’s totally loyal to Abel, totally. I mean, maybe fanatically is a better word. It’s just she’s awful in every other way. Except her fanatical loyalty to Abel. That’s her one redeeming feature.

ZOE CRICK: Alright, then. Amelia, this one’s for you.

JODY MARSH: I just wanna, you know, put my hands around her neck and strangle her - !

ZOE CRICK: So, listeners, we’re still talking about Amelia Spens. Apparently. That is still the topic of conversation.

JODY MARSH: Sorry! She just drives me crazy.

ZOE CRICK: It’s okay. I totally get the appeal of a bad girl.

JODY MARSH: Oh, not like that! Bloody hell, Zoe!

ZOE CRICK: I’ve got to be honest, it sounded pretty “like that.”

JODY MARSH: It’s anger, and you know, contempt. Hatred. That feeling you have about someone who tried to frame you for murder and still thinks it’s dead funny. I just want to shove her into the nearest zombie.

ZOE CRICK: Yep. Still sounding “like that.”

JODY MARSH: Aw, shut up!

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] It’s fine. I mean, there’s a reason everyone loves Han Solo, the rogue with a heart of gold.

JODY MARSH: Amelia doesn’t have a heart of gold. If she did, she’d find a way to extract it and sell it to the highest bidder!

ZOE CRICK: Okay, then. This one’s for Han Solo, may he rest in peace.

JODY MARSH: Poor Han Solo! Still makes me well up, which is ridiculous, because you know, zombie apocalypse and that. But him dying left me in bits!

ZOE CRICK: Yep. Rogue with a heart of gold. That’s why Han Solo’s my ideal man.

JODY MARSH: Or woman.

ZOE CRICK: Well, I’m pretty sure Han Solo is a man.

JODY MARSH: You know who I’m talking about.

ZOE CRICK: Not a Scooby.

JODY MARSH: Oh, right!

ZOE CRICK: Seriously.

JODY MARSH: Yeah, no. Obviously, there’s no roguish yet good-hearted lady who you’d like to get closer to? … Okay, okay, time for another song. You got it queued up?

ZOE CRICK: Yes. If it'll stop this conversation, yes.

JODY MARSH: Great. Alright then, listeners, this one’s for a certain Abel runner that Zoe definitely, definitely doesn’t think about every night.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] I hate you.

ZOE CRICK: I miss it. I really do.

JODY MARSH: What, her?

ZOE CRICK: No, I mean not just her. New Canton. Abel. Everyone.

JODY MARSH: It's not – [sighs] It's not great right now. It's hard. I'm glad you're not here. I'm glad you're doing what you're doing, that someone's telling the truth about us.

ZOE CRICK: Do you think anyone's listening?

JODY MARSH: Yeah. Yeah, I think they are. They've got to be, right? We're not – none of us – we're not doing this for nothing.

ZOE CRICK: All right, then. For everyone who is listening, this is Radio Free Abel. And that was Jody Marsh, a hero of the resistance. [laughs] Keep safe out there, Jody. The country needs you. Phil and I are moving on tomorrow, so we're patching you back into some more radio from around the country. Catch you on the far side, citizens.

[static, distorted audio]

ZOE CRICK: We're not sure if anyone can hear us - [distortion]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What we know is that the Ministry's jamming our signal wherever they can. They'd rather stop our message from reaching you - [distortion]

ZOE CRICK: What is it Sam says? You can't stop the signal, so -

[distorted audio]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, yeah. So uh, ask yourselves another thing. If they don't want you to hear us - [distortion]

ZOE CRICK: What are they afraid we'll say?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You're listening to Radio Free Abel, telling you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

[static, distorted audio]

ZOE CRICK: Talk about [distortion] about, you know, what you did in the days of Abel. I mean, of course, yeah, I know that [distortion] we are trying really hard to [distortion] the Ministry.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [distortion] - anything they say about Sam Yao, you can discount. He's a good man. [distortion]

ZOE CRICK: He wouldn't hurt anyone.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, he certainly wouldn't. And plus - [distortion]

ZOE CRICK: And so don't be afraid of them. Just please keep trying to fight the good fight.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't give up. Never give up the fight.

[audio somewhat distorted and echoey]

ZOE CRICK: Has it worked? They can hear us?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I don't know.

ZOE CRICK: Then what's the point? Sorry, sorry. I know we have to try. We have to.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think it's worked. I've bypassed the frequency and modulated the um, um, uh, never mind. I just, I think this should be able to make it through the Ministry's blocking.

ZOE CRICK: Okay, good. Okay. So this is Radio Free Abel.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Back on the air! I think. Back in the business of bringing you the truth that your government's been working very hard to stop you hearing.

ZOE CRICK: Okay, this is...

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: It's... I mean...

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: Some of you have... [sighs] Some of you have started broadcasts of your own to let us know that you can hear us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And to tell us that you believe us.

ZOE CRICK: And it's so, so cool. It's amazing. But just, please stop. You're putting yourselves in danger. You're putting anyone you love in danger.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We're on the road all the time. We never stop anywhere for more than a day. We do everything we can to keep safe.

ZOE CRICK: So it really does mean the world to us that you're listening, but let us take the risks. And if you want to do something, just listen and keep believing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And if Abel ever ask for your help... well, you've got to make your own minds up, haven't you?

ZOE CRICK: This is Radio Free Abel, bringing every single one of you the truth, and no one's going to stop us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Good morning, citizens! You're listening to Radio Free Abel, and we've got a real treat in store for you today. All the way from a secret location, we're bringing you the famous -

ZOE CRICK: Infamous might be a better word for it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, one of the stars of the Ministry's radio broadcasts about Abel, Amelia Spens.

ZOE CRICK: ... Amelia, are you there?

AMELIA SPENS: Oh. Yes, I'm here. I just can't quite believe I'm doing this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, we're very glad – and honored – you are.

AMELIA SPENS: Honored, really?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, yeah. [laughs] Now, Amelia, you've had some pretty nasty things to say about Abel Township on Ministry broadcasts.

AMELIA SPENS: I suppose they weren't terribly flattering.

ZOE CRICK: Can you tell us now why you said those things? Were you coerced?

AMELIA SPENS: Coerced? Does Ian trying to force Viscount biscuits on me count as coercion? I suppose in some embattled regimes, it might.

ZOE CRICK: But the things you said weren't true, were they?

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, no. They were a dreadful pack of lies.

ZOE CRICK: Right. So why did you say them?

AMELIA SPENS: As I recall, mainly because I thought it was funny. I had a little bet with myself about how many women I could tell him wore eyepatches before he called me on it. Eight. It was eight.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay then, listeners, uh, we'll be hearing more from Amelia right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And we're back. You're listening to Radio Free Abel with our special guest today, Amelia Spens.

AMELIA SPENS: Hello again.

ZOE CRICK: So, Amelia, can you tell people why they should believe you now when you were lying before?

AMELIA SPENS: Well, I'm not sure they should.

ZOE CRICK: Right. But you are telling the truth now?

AMELIA SPENS: Telling the truth about my previous shameless lies? Yes, I am. But now that I think about it, I suppose there was an implicit threat that if I didn't take part in the broadcast for the Ministry, my life might be in danger. So in that sense, yes, I was coerced to say what I did about Janine.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, thank God.

AMELIA SPENS: Let me just set the record straight. Janine De Luca never wore an eyepatch, and she wasn't prone to dressing in leather. Although to be honest, I do think leather would have suited her. 

She wasn't a bad person. Anyone who knew her would know what an absurd claim that was. Janine De Luca was honorable and moral to a fault. And I use that phrase advisedly, because as far as I was concerned, her refusal to bend with the wind was an iredeemable flaw, but there you have it. Satisfied?

ZOE CRICK: Um, yeah. Okay, then. This song goes out to Janine De Luca and everyone else we've lost.

ZOE CRICK: So if Ian made you tell lies about Janine, what can you tell us about Ian?

AMELIA SPENS: Ooh, he's a dreadfully amoral little person. Of course, I think morality's all nonsense, so what would I know?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Y-you're not that bad.

AMELIA SPENS: Really? According to your colleague here, I'm virtually the Antichrist.

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, that was Jody, not me. [laughs] I felt entirely neutral about you until this broadcast.

AMELIA SPENS: Ah, yes? And what do you think about me now?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Why'd you come on this show if you're not going to say -

AMELIA SPENS: What you want me to say?

ZOE CRICK: What do you know is the truth? Why did you come here, if not to do that?

AMELIA SPENS: I had a spare half hour and I thought it might be amusing. And it has been, so thank you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [groans] All right, citizens, this is a song Amelia picked herself. We'll be back in a moment.

ZOE CRICK: So, Amelia, I believe we were talking about Ian Golightly, current leader of Abel Township.

AMELIA SPENS: I think he's actually calling himself Commander Golightly these days. He really is quite an absurd human being.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You're not a fan, then.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, he's ghastly! A ghastly jumped-up little sadist. He's nothing like as clever as he thinks he is. Also, his breath is quite extraordinarily bad.

ZOE CRICK: Thank you, Amelia. That's -

AMELIA SPENS: And he has no fashion sense whatsoever. With the amount of luxuries he requisitions for himself as head of Abel, you'd really think he could afford a decent suit. 

[sighs] But his biggest problem is that he's one of those people who is able to believe that they're good only because they've never really had the opportunity to be bad. And even now he's started doing some quite awful things, he still imagines he's the hero. 

I've got no time for people like that. There's nothing wrong with doing wrong if it's in your interest, but at least have the decency to be honest about it. Otherwise, how can anyone respect you?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, yeah. Thanks for that. We're off now, citizens. You've been listening to Radio Free Abel with our special guest, Amelia Spens. Who, um, apparently is an honestly awful person.

ZOE CRICK: Sounds about right to me.

AMELIA SPENS: Toodle-pip, everyone.

(the following clips take place after S5M20)

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello again, listeners. This is Radio Free Abel bringing you all the truth, all the time.

ZOE CRICK: Also some moderately decent tunes, and quite a lot of awful jokes. Ooh, talking of -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No.

ZOE CRICK: What? I literally didn't say anything.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You were about to. Finally got a few minutes on air, and you're not using them to tell any terrible jokes. Especially if they include the words knock, chicken, or shark-infested custard.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, you've spoiled the punchline now.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm, not a punchline if it isn't even slightly funny.

ZOE CRICK: Technically, I think it is.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Anyway listeners, we're not here to tell you what's yellow and dangerous -

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] You just stole my joke!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] We're here to talk to you about Abel Township, and some of the amazing people that used to live there. You've been told also some lies about them, so we're going to set the record straight. We're going to give you the real story of Abel's heroes, the... biogra-truth.

ZOE CRICK: Biogra-truth.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Biogra-truth?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. We'll be back right after this.

ZOE CRICK: That song does always sort of remind me of Sam.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, I know what you mean. Zoe's talking about Sam Yao, of course. Abel Township radio operator and hero of the resistance.

ZOE CRICK: You've been told that Sam's evil, ruthless, and homicidal, which I mean, come on. Sam's actually one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet, and I say that as a woman who doesn't generally like other humans.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Sam was a student when the apocalypse struck. Like nearly all of us, he lost of the people closest to him. His parents died, his sister's missing, and he nearly died, too, before he was rescued from zoms by Abel Township runners.

ZOE CRICK: Since then, he's dedicated his life to keeping those runners safe. Well, also to eating a lot of chocolate and playing Demons and Darkness, but [laughs] mainly the safety thing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Sam's a good person. If you had a problem and you needed a friend who'd absolutely, definitely care about it, Sam's your man.

ZOE CRICK: I mean, we're not saying he'd solve it, necessarily. He isn't Jesus. But he'd properly care. Not just make the face people do when they want to look concerned but they're actually wondering which vegetables to have with supper.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: This next song was always a favorite of Sam's. Hope you enjoy it, mate, wherever you are.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'll tell something else about Sam, he's as bad at geography as I am.

ZOE CRICK: Is that a good thing?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, it's just nice to meet someone else who always thought Suffolk was south of London.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] What, seriously?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, Suffolk means south folk, doesn't it? It's in the name.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, because it's the southern bit of East Anglia.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, I know that now.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] How did I never know this about you? Bloody hell, all the opportunities for piss-taking I've missed. [laughs] So come on, Phil. Is Liverpool east or west of Manchester?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh look, it's time for another song.

ZOE CRICK: While you listened to that cheerful little number, we've established that Phil thinks the Shetland Islands are off the coast of Cornwall, Alaska is floating in the sea somewhere above Canada – hmm, I suppose at least you got the right continent – and Denmark is famous for being landlocked.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You said you wouldn't tell anyone.

ZOE CRICK: Yes. But obviously, I was lying. [laughs] I'm not complaining. It's the gift that'll keep on giving. [laughs] But how did you end up so rubbish at geography? You, the man who alphabetizes his novelty mugs.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, I don't know. I can tell my left from my right, but just... I don't like looking at maps.

ZOE CRICK: Hm. And there was me, thinking you made me navigate all the time so you didn't seem sexist. What is it, map-phobia?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, it's not a phobia. It's, um... if you look at something on a map, you pin it down. There it is with borders and A roads and bypasses. When it's only in my head, it could be anywhere. It's, uh, it's magical.

ZOE CRICK: That's actually... [laughs] That's actually sort of beautiful. Phil Cheeseman, there's poetry in that soul of yours. Hm. No wonder you and Sam get on so well. He's a dreamer, too.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Um... anyway listeners, um, it's time we were off. But remember, Sam Yao's still out there somewhere, fighting to make the world a better place.

ZOE CRICK: Even though he doesn't know which side of England Wales is attached to.  

ELOISE: Hugh, right up ahead is one of your spiritual homelands.

HUGH: What, Heslington?

ELOISE: Eh? What's at Heslington?

HUGH: There was a bloke there did the best black pudding I ever had.

ELOISE: I'm not sure I trust black pudding chefs with all the zoms around as potential raw materials. It's not that, anyway. It's Woodstock.

HUGH: Oh yeah, where the Grateful Dead played one of their notoriously worst performances. Constantly getting electric shocks from their gear, their amps blowing up all over the place, and probably tripping out their boxers. Sadly, not Woodstock. Oxfordshire, or I might have actually been there.

ELOISE: There's a bit of royal intrigue associated with Woodstock. You want to hear it?

HUGH: That sounds just as good as a three-day nonstop Aquarian festival with music, peace, and free love.

ELOISE: Do you want to hear it or not?

HUGH: Yeah, I suppose.

ELOISE: Henry II had a mistress called Fair Rosamund. He installed her at a house at Woodstock, and he didn't want anybody to bother her, so he built a labyrinth around it. Well, either the house was a labyrinth or the garden was a labyrinth. Or maybe both.

HUGH: Not ideal if you need to pop out for a pint of milk.

ELOISE: No. He also married Eleanor of Aquitaine, who was no pushover, having already divorced the king of France. Eleanor got wind of Rosamund, and as you can imagine, she did not approve.

HUGH: But she couldn't get in the house because it was a labyrinth.

ELOISE: Right. Until one time – oh, I don't know if I quite believe this - Henry visited, and he was such a duffer that he got a silk thread caught in his boot. So on the way out, the thread unrolled and left the perfect trail for Eleanor to follow.

HUGH: Which, if I know wronged women, she wasted no time in doing.

ELOISE: Well, that's right. And when she confronted Fair Rosamund, it was the age-old choice. The dagger or the cup of poison.

HUGH: If you're ever in that situation, take the dagger. It only hurts for a minute, and then the – what do you call them? - endolphins kick in. You don't want to die slowly on the floor of a really bad hangover.

ELOISE: Third day at Woodstock, that would have been you.

HUGH: Harsh but true, my love. Harsh but true.

HUGH: You'll like this story, dear. It's romantic.

ELOISE: Does it end in violence and heartbreak?

HUGH: You don't want spoilers.

ELOISE: Oh, they all do. Okay, let's hear it.

HUGH: It's about a student in Oxford, the intellectual powerhouse a few miles down that last road.

ELOISE: When does this happen?

HUGH: Oh, I don't know. The 1800s. What difference does that make?

ELOISE: I'm trying to visualize the outfits!

HUGH: They all wear them gowns and motorboats.

ELOISE: Mortarboards. Okay, I've got it.

HUGH: This student, he seduces the daughter of a tradesman. They're not supposed to do that. They're supposed to concentrate on their Latin or whatever. So he decides to murder her.

ELOISE: Intellectual powerhouse, my eye.

HUGH: So he arranges to meet her in a field. He shows up early, but she shows up even earlier and hides up a tree. She's all for jumping down and surprising him, until she sees him digging a grave.

ELOISE: The old smoothy.

HUGH: Unsurprisingly, she don't come down, and he goes home disappointed. Then the next day, she's at the door of her father's house when he comes past and says hello as usual. What do you think she says?

ELOISE:  I'm looking forward to it!

HUGH: "One moon shiny night as I sat high, waiting for one to come by, the boughs did bend, my heart did ache, to see what hole the fox did make."

ELOISE: Haha, you tell him, girl! So what does he do?

HUGH: He stabs her.

ELOISE: Oh.

HUGH: Through the heart, though.

ELOISE: I see.

HUGH: I told you it was romantic.

ELOISE: Yes, you did.

HUGH: Can you see it?

ELOISE: Just its feet. We're dragging it along like Indiana Jones.

HUGH: Eh?

ELOISE: When he gets punched out that truck and he hangs on with his whip.

HUGH: Has it got a hat on?

ELOISE: I just said I could only see its feet, didn't I? It's not got a hat on its feet.

HUGH: This is the third time. I wonder what it is about the back of the van that fascinates zoms.

ELOISE: It's the engine, you big [?]. They're attracted to noise, and that thing goes crr crr all day.

HUGH: I think it's more of a vrr vrr.

ELOISE: Oh, never mind. How are we going to get rid of this one? We've had it for five miles. I'm not fast enough these days to go out there and saw through its arms.

HUGH: Maybe if we drive for long enough, the road will gradually grind through it from the front to the back.

ELOISE: Yeah, and maybe it'll call all its friends, and we'll end up on the front of a zombie conga.

HUGH: There's another reason to be thankful for the zombie apocaplypse. No more dancing at weddings.

ELOISE: You like those slow dances. Get rid of this zom, and maybe we'll have time for a slow dance after.

HUGH: I tried the U-turn. I've tried the quick reverse. I even tried a level crossing and it's still hanging on.

ELOISE: I've got it. Turn up there between the fields.

HUGH: Okay.

ELOISE: We're looking for um... there's one! A cattle grid.

HUGH: I see your plan.

ELOISE: Now reverse. [van clatters] Now forward. [van clatters] Now backwards. [van clatters] It's let go! Oh! Oh, that's not pretty.

HUGH: Nice work, dear. By the way, it's your turn to clean the rear bumper.

ELOISE: Trade you it for that slow dance?

HUGH: Yeah, suppose.

[chickens squawk]

ZOE CRICK: Tonight, listeners, Radio Free Abel is coming to you from the heart of the British countryside, by which I really mean a smelly old barn with a lot more chickens than I generally like. Why are we in a barn, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh... I don't know. Uh... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

ZOE CRICK: Did we decide to do this yesterday?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, I think.

ZOE CRICK: After we'd gone 58 hours without any sleep?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, that um... no, that was the night before yesterday. Don't you remember? Both of us passed out from exhaustion for a couple of hours last night.

ZOE CRICK: Did we?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. And that Ministry truck nearly caught up with us.

ZOE CRICK: Mm, I remember. That's why we're in a barn. We're hiding.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. [sighs] Then, um... should we really be broadcasting?

ZOE CRICK: Mm. Too late now. We'll be back after this song, when we've, um, you know. [yawns] Decided what we're going to talk about.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [gasps] Zoe. We're on.

ZOE CRICK: What? Oh um, right. Good morning, citizens.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So, um... what are we going to talk about?

ZOE CRICK: Mm?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, leopards.

ZOE CRICK: What?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: They're cool. They run really, really fast.

ZOE CRICK: I think that's pandas.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, pandas aren't even cats. I mean, I suppose they are black and white, and...

ZOE CRICK: So we're talking about cats. [laughs] That's good. I like cats. More cats after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe, are you crying?

ZOE CRICK: [sniffs] Sorry. It's just... That song really reminds me of them.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Of the people at Abel.

ZOE CRICK: No, my cats! Poor Pushkin. What if they forget to feed her? She could die!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't be silly. Jack and Eugene'll be spoiling her rotten.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, I don't think we're supposed to say their names.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh yeah, no.

ZOE CRICK: Well, I miss them, too.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah.

ZOE CRICK: Panthers.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What?

ZOE CRICK: That's what I meant. Not pandas, it's panthers that are really fast.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think we need to go, Zo.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Yeah. Or we could just have a little sleep.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No. We can't sleep. We've got to drive. [sighs] We've always got to keep driving.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Yeah. Or the Ministry's panthers will get us.

ZOE CRICK: So we're not completely sure if we did a broadcast in the middle of the night. I don't really remember it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think I might have dreamed it.

ZOE CRICK: But if we did, please just forget everything we said.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Unless it was really sensible. For example, if I told you something interesting about the American Civil War, you don't need to forget that.

ZOE CRICK: It probably was something about the American Civil War. You always talk about the American Civil War when you're tired, and I definitely always ignore it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [scoffs] You told me my analysis of the Battle of Wilson's Creek was really eye-opening.

ZOE CRICK: Hmm. I was being polite.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't give me that. You're never polite. Anyway, the point is we're here, and this time, we're not talking complete nonsense!

ZOE CRICK: Hmm. If we ever did.

ZOE CRICK: I love that song. It always makes me happy.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah. Me, too. Didn't we work out that's the only thing we both had on our Spotify cheer me up songs playlist?

ZOE CRICK: That's right! [laughs] I'd totally forgotten about that. And I had "I Touch Myself" on my one hit wonders playlist, and you had it on your romantic playlist, which you've never satisfactorily explained.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's a love song. It's about overwhelming passion. Of course it's romantic.

ZOE CRICK: Right. [laughs] Well, by that standard, this next number must be the most romantic song of all time.

ELOISE: I thought we were goners there for sure.

HUGH: You made some great evasive maneuvers, love. Classic defensive driving.

ELOISE: Apart from those first couple of shamblers.

HUGH: Well, the van needed a wash anyway. You just forced the issue.

ELOISE: I want to park up and get my breath back.

HUGH: Couple more miles first, eh?

ELOISE: Get my mind off it. Tell me something from the book.

HUGH: As a matter of fact, I had been saving up something special. Place over there, Knaphill, famous for death warnings.

ELOISE: Oh no.

HUGH: There was a farmer's son who dreamed he would be accidentally shot by his own gun. And the following Tuesday, what happened? Exactly that.

ELOISE: I can't help but feel that one could have been avoided if he had, you know, just not pointed  his own gun at himself.

HUGH: [laughs] It's easy to be wise in retrospect. Here's another one. An uncle was sitting in bed, and he heard someone slowly lift the latch of the door three times.

ELOISE: What happened?

HUGH: Nothing the first night, but it happened again the next night. At exactly the same time, slowly the latch was lifted three times.

ELOISE: And?

HUGH: Nothing again. So when it happened a third night, old uncle had his stick, all ready to clobber the ghostly intruder.

ELOISE: And?

HUGH: That night, a different guy died of unrelated causes.

ELOISE: That one's a little unsatisfying.

HUGH: Okay, last try. A teenager saw a little figure like a doll walking along the top of a hedge, dressed in silk and satin. It reached her mother's house, where it disappeared, and all they heard was  the rustling of silk and satin. She told her dad, and he said that is always a warning.

ELOISE: Actually, that is quite creepy. Did the mother die?

HUGH: Mother died.

ELOISE: See that book?

HUGH: Yes, love?

ELOISE: Throw it away.

HUGH: You like a good murder, don't you, Eloise?

ELOISE: I like a good murder story. It's not quite the same thing, lucky for you.

HUGH: They've got one in this village coming up. Colnbrook.

ELOISE: Is it about how property prices got so high this close to the M25 that the only way you could get a house here was to murder the existing occupants?

HUGH: No. In fact, Heathrow Airport's just over there, so it may not have been the idyllic country residence it looks. Remember that thing about the third runway? Practically in their back gardens. They did have an apple fair, though. Colnbrook Apple Fair.

ELOISE: What happens at an apple fair?

HUGH: Well, I'm guessing orchard fruits featured heavily.

ELOISE: Was the murder about apples?

HUGH: No. I think it predates the apple fair. See that old Tudor-looking building ahead on the right? That's the Ostrich Inn. In the 17th century, the landlord and his wife used to kill their customers.

ELOISE: Ah. The days before TripAdvisor.

HUGH: They waited for a rich guest, then they put him in the best room, right above the kitchen. And the bed was nailed to the floor, and the floor was on a hinge fastened with iron pins. So in the middle of the night when he was fast asleep, they pulled out the pins and down he came. They kept a big boiling cauldron right underneath.

ELOISE: And what was in the cauldron?

HUGH: Hopefully not soup. As my mother used to say, boil the soup, spoil the soup.

ELOISE: I trust your mother never put people in her soup.

HUGH: Tasted like it, sometimes.

ELOISE: They must have got caught eventually. You can't boil travelers to death every night without a bit of screaming.

HUGH: Indeed. While Thomas Cole, a clothier from Reading, was taking the big plunge, his horse went off to bother a mare in a nearby field, and there is some unlikely twist about his servant finding the horse and tracing it back to the inn.

ELOISE: Well, that's not unlikely. That's just good old-fashioned police work.

HUGH: Some say the place is named after him. Thomas Cole. Colnbrook.

ELOISE: Satisfying.

HUGH: Mind you, some people also said the horse could talk.

HUGH: We've got an interesting question today. And to set the scene, we are parked outside Batman's house.

ELOISE: I thought he lived in the Batcave.

HUGH: A common misapprehension, Eloise. Batman works in the Batcave. It's like his office. But he actually, in his secret identity as Bruce Wayne, billionaire playboy, lives in Wayne Manor. Which, during a certain period of the original comic, was drawn in a similar style to the edifice we now contemplate.

ELOISE: You want to read the letter?

HUGH: Nah, that last speech kind of tired me out.

ELOISE: Well done, Hugh. All right. This is from Melinda of Dorking, and she says, "Dear Hugh and Eloise, as a young girl, I always dreamed of living in a big house. But with the rising cost of real estate and government suppression of my public sector wages, I was never able to afford anything better than a third floor two bedroom flat. And now in post-zombie society, it's even worse, as I live in a repurposed World War II bomb shelter, where the woman in the top bunk yells out terrifying things in her sleep."

HUGH: Eloise never talks in her sleep.

ELOISE: What do you mean?

HUGH: Nothing. Finish the letter.

ELOISE: Melinda continues, "Lately, I have been thinking, with all the people who are now dead, the house of my dreams must be out there standing empty. I could get on my bike and go look for it. Do you have much experience of uninhabited mansions, and do you think they would let me keep one after society defeats the zombie threat?"

HUGH: I don't think there's anyone living in this one.

ELOISE: Melinda, I think I understand what you're saying. It's like the doll's house you had as a girl. Never really goes away. Well, mine did. Because I wired up an electric lighting system to the mains without a fuse, and the resulting fire reduced it and my doll family into a disturbing pile of melted plastic.

HUGH: Their smiley faces still haunt her to this day.

ELOISE: But consider the practicalities. It's not going to be warm or weather-proof, or near any settlements you can trade with. There's no butler to bring you breakfast in bed or chauffeur to take you on an assignation.

HUGH: And no matter how many times you check the rooms in the other wing, you'll never be quite sure there's not a zombie in the house, trying random doors in search of a midnight snack.

ELOISE: Maybe just learn to appreciate your nice warm bunkbed, all right? Thanks for your question.

ELOISE: We're coming up to Mayfield, where St. Dunstan built a little wooden church.

HUGH: Wonder if it's still there.

ELOISE: A thousand year old wooden church? Probably not. In fact, it says here it didn't properly face east like churches are supposed to, but he gave it one bump with his shoulder and that fixed it.

HUGH: Bit of a bruiser, was our St. Dunstan?

ELOISE: Apparently, he did metalworking to relax.

HUGH: Definitely a bruiser.

ELOISE: So the devil came along. He looked in the window while St. Dunstan was working, and asked him to make something.

HUGH: To make something? What?

ELOISE: Doesn't say. St. Dunstan just kept working, so the devil started to make baudy and blasphemous talk.

HUGH: Ooh. Like what?

ELOISE: Doesn't say. St. Dunstan kept ignoring him and working, so the devil began to change shape. First an old lady, then a baby, then a lustful young girl.

HUGH: Blonde or brunette?

ELOISE: Oh, it doesn't bloody say! But St. Dunstan, irritated by the constant interruptions, turned and siezed the devil by the nose with his red-hot tongs, like this! [HUGH yelps] The devil shrieked, "What is this damn bald-headed fellow doing to me?"

HUGH: Whatever you're doing to me.

ELOISE: St. Dunstan wouldn't let go, so the devil turned into a series of hideous monsters, but St. Dunstan still wouldn't let go. So the devil flew up through the ceiling and high into the air, with St. Dunstan still holding his nose!

HUGH: I get it. Let go.

ELOISE: They landed at St Dunstan's bridge near Tunbridge Wells, where St. D finally let go.

HUGH: Oh.

ELOISE: The devil stuck his hot nose into the cold springs. They still taste of sulfur to this day.

HUGH: I know which one of us in this van is closest to the devil.

ELOISE: You remember that.

ELOISE: Did he tell you?

HUGH: Yeah. You're going to like it.

ELOISE: We're stopped by a church in – where are we? - Brightling, because Hugh, in a rare eagle-eyed moment, noticed a mausoleum in the shape of an Egyptian pyramid. Well, what's the story, then?

HUGH: The name of the dead man is John Fuller, a landowner and MP from the start of the 19th century. But they called him Mad Jack.

ELOISE: Oh, I do like him.

HUGH: He wore a big powdered wig – long after those went out of fashion - and drove around in a coach and four, his footmen armed with swords and pistols. He was very rude, and he bought nine bassoons for a church choir.

ELOISE: Do choirs use bassoons?

HUGH: No. [ELOISE laughs] One time, he boasted he could see some church from his lawn, right? He bet on it, and then he went home and found out he couldn't. But rather than lose the bet, do you know what he did? He paid a bunch of builders to go over to a place in the skyline and build a copy of the church tower, so that when the bet got called in, he could claim that was it. They called it Sugar Loaf.

ELOISE: Does it, um... look like a loaf of sugar?

HUGH: No.

ELOISE: So what's with the pyramid?

HUGH: When he built it, he tried to get someone to live in it for a year without washing, shaving, or cutting his hair, without talking to anybody, and he promised if someone did this, they would be rewarded and become a gentleman for life.

ELOISE: Did somebody take him up on it?

HUGH: No.

ELOISE: But he did get buried there.

HUGH: Supposedly, he installed an iron chair and his mummified body was sat in it, wearing a suit and a top hat. They had to leave bottles wine beside him, and cover the floor in broken glass so that if the devil came to fetch him, he'd cut his cloven hooves on the glass.

ELOISE: I think he does qualify as mad. So you want to break into the pyramid and see if he's still there?

HUGH: No.

HUGH: This is it. Pluckley. The most haunted village in England.

ELOISE: I really would rather we'd come during the day.

HUGH: Yeah. Sorry, love. I thought we'd make it before nightfall, but you know. I made a few wrong turns.

ELOISE: Suspicious wrong turns.

HUGH: I don't know what you mean.

ELOISE: Tell the story so we can move on.

HUGH: [flips switch] Oh. Interior light's gone. Never mind. I've got my torch. Here. Oh yeah. There's a red lady. Her baby died in childbirth, and now she wanders the village, looking in vain for its unmarked grave.

ELOISE: I hope you enjoyed this local legend. Thanks for listening.

HUGH: There's a lot more, dear. There's also a white lady who wanders through the churchyard just over there with a single red rose. Her husband wanted to preserve her beauty, so he buried her in three coffins of lead and one coffin of oak stacked inside one another. People hear hammering sounds and a ghostly wailing as she tries to get out of her terrible prison.

ELOISE: I think I can hear zombies! Should we go?

HUGH: In 1970, a group of researchers spent the night in the chapel. They said to the vicar the next day, "Nothing happened. We're glad your dog came to keep us company." But the vicar said, "I don't have a dog."

ELOISE: That could just have been a stray.

HUGH: There's the schoolmaster who hanged himself. They say he stares with bulging eyes as he recites the times tables. And an old gypsy woman whose pipe set fire to the haystack she was sleeping in. You can still hear her agonizing cries, smell the burning flesh. Then there's the young farmer who -

ELOISE: Shine your torch out there!

HUGH: There's no one out there, Eloise. No one alive, anyway.

ELOISE: Hugh, drive us out of here!

HUGH: Of course, my love. We'll just have to go past Fright Corner, where a highwayman used to lurk in a hollow oak to ambush travelers. Until one day, somebody knew his trick and skewered the tree first. Some say his impaled body still hangs there, waiting passersby, and he likes to jump out and grab -

ELOISE: I'm sorry I pulled your nose. I learned my lesson. Oh, get us out of here!

HUGH: Yes, dear.

[evenstevensranked]

#39: Season 1, Episode 16 - “Luscious Lou”

After a massive content drought... We are back! This week, Louis joins the wrestling team!! It’s surprisingly going pretty well for him — until he finds out that his major competitor from a neighboring school is a girl. Oh, boy. Typical junior high sexism ensues. Meanwhile, Ren tries to get back at Louis for a prank he pulled on her. 

This one starts off with Ren getting caught in a net trap made by Louis. She’s cursing his name when Steve comes to her rescue. He tells her she can’t be so quick to assume that Louis made the trap.. but is shut down immediately when Ren hands him a piece of paper that says…

I always liked this. Louis is so freaking condescendingly sarcastic sometimes.

Anyway, this highlights just how much free time Louis has on his hands. So Steve encourages him to “use it for good instead of evil” and join an after school activity. Louis tells Twitty and Tawny about the situation and they start brainstorming sports Louis could do... But, pretty much come to the conclusion that he sucks at everything. My favorite line here is “What about cross country?” / “Nah, he gets cramped up and winded just from tying his shoes.” - S A M E. This whole convo is actually really lighthearted and funny on Tawny and Twitty’s end, but Louis is caught in the middle and a lil upset. "There's helping, and then there's hurting guys” he says.

They run into Coach Tugnut and Louis asks him if he can join a sports team. Tugnut lifts him up and tries to gauge his weight and just like that, Louis makes the wrestling team. I’m pretty sure that’s not how joining the wrestling team works irl. 

“How much do you weigh, Stevens? 104, 105?”

“........uh, th-that’s a personal question, Coach.” (I’m dying) 

Tugnut randomly lifts up Twitty as well and says “Haven’t seen you in a while, thought I’d lift you up.” It’s such a bizarre and out of left field moment. I feel like it was written in last minute for the heck of it. It’s great, though. Certain offbeat moments like this that work are what help make the show unique and quirky, imo. The fact that there’s no laugh track makes it even better. It’s dry and awkward and reminds me of a bit you’d see on Portlandia or something.  

I bet Tugnut previously impacted Lenny The Lifter’s life in some way. 

Later that day back at home, Ren and Steve are in their back yard which does not look like their back yard at all for whatever reason. Ren is rigging a lawn chair to break for whenever Louis may or may not sit in it. Not exactly the best idea. Steve happens to be looking through an old box of photos here, one of which is of Louis as a lil nakey baby wearing a cowboy hat. 

Steve: “There’s ol’ Lou! Never the shy one!” Ren: “...And he still watches TV that way. It's very disturbing." 

Just picturing fully grown Season 1 Louis lying on the ground in a cowboy hat with his name on it, butt naked in front of the television like it's no biggie, has me dying right now. I just can't. Donnie ends up sitting in the rigged chair and falling, all while eating a cupcake. He says “I need to lay off the deserts” as if his non-existent obesity broke the chair -- which is pretty funny.

Something I love about certain comedy shows is when a scene will abruptly start with the tail end of an unrelated, absurd line. I don’t really know how else to explain it, but that’s what we get next. It cuts to gym class and we hear Tugnut casually say “...but before we get to those finger tip push-ups with a partner on your back -- let me introduce the newest member of our team, Louis Stevens." Which is just hilarious to me. It’s so easy to miss, but the imagery is so great. Take a minute to imagine flimsy middle schoolers trying to do that. Just another reason why Tugnut is an unfit and frankly abusive educator, lol.

Here is where we see that Louis initially thinks the wrestling team is going to be like freaking WWE Monday Night Raw and says "Although, I've never gotten hit in the back of the head with a folding chair... I'll try to make it look as real as possible." It. Is. Fantastic. Tugnut is quick to let him know it ain’t pro wrestling. Then we get a montage (which must span at least a few days/weeks) of Louis’ progress from ridiculous, uncoordinated weakling -- to pretty decent wrestler! I love this so much! Partially because there’s this one bit: 

^ LOUIS IS LITERALLY MEEEEE!!!! No exaggeration. I once auditioned for the touring production of Green Day’s “American Idiot” and holy crap the choreo they taught and expected us to know within a few minutes murdered me. I was seriously THAT person. When everyone was up, I was down. When everyone was down, I was up. So unbelievably embarrassing. Needless to say, I didn’t receive another callback after that, lol. I feel like this might be another reason why Louis is my fave. No, yeah. It’s definitely a reason.

He gets better and better over time, and seeing Louis with determination for something that's not lazy and takes hard, physical work -- is honestly so attractive. I know Shia was, like... 14 here but... Oh, well. He was my first TV crush okay?! And watching this show takes me back in time. I MISS LOUIS STEVENS! If Shia ever reprised his role as an adult, I’d ascend into heaven right then and there. 

Of course, this newfound ability to wrestle decently goes to Louis' head once again. He’s bragging to the other kids "I'm a quiet snake. I just sneak up. I go *hiss*! Nagurski, he can't mess with me. Look at these pipes!!!" I feel like all of this is ad-libbed. He’s sort of stuttering and pausing, trying to think of what to say next. I love Shia LaBeouf. But then suddenly a girl rolls up on her bike. "Are you guys on the wrestling team?" she asks. Louis obviously thinks she's coming onto them. "Yes. Louis Stevens, Olympic hopeful" is how he introduces himself to her and I am dead. "Mimi Nagurski, destroyer of dreams” is her response. THIS IS PERFECT. Louis was brought straight down a peg right there. Yep. He finds out Nagurski is... a girlski. (Forget that I ever made that rhyme immediately.)

It’s like he’s questioning the meaning of life.

“Imagine losing to a girl?!” the other teammates say and laugh. Oh, man. The sexism is cringy. But, I know that it's a thing. Especially among teen boys in 2001... Dang. 

He goes to Twitty to talk about the issue and Twitty’s oh so comforting words are "You know what a win/win situation is, right? Well, this is just like that -- except it’s a lose/lose." Thanks, Twitty. Even so, Louis genuinely says he's not gonna quit the team or back down from the match. He's been working really hard and actually likes the sport. He's also happy about making his dad proud, as Steve used to be a wrestler himself back in the day. Aww. 

As far as Ren’s plot goes... She spends the whole week/episode trying to get back at Louis for trapping her. She fails and ends up accidentally getting Donnie instead. Since Donnie is very underappreciated, I really like his moments here. 

Even though Louis doesn’t want to quit the team, he still doesn’t want to have to fight a girl either. Once he realizes that the team is divided by weight, he gets the brilliant idea (sarcasm) to eat as much food as he can in 20 hours in an attempt to gain 9 pounds and bump up to the next weight class. I am positive that's not how the digestive system and weight gaining process works but, ok. Wow, Louis. Wow. This kid risked going into a diabetic coma just so he wouldn’t have to fight a girl. 

And, yes. This is when he has that iconic nightmare that all the fat went to his butt: 

He ends up having what I assume is terrible diarrhea and gas, if the explosion noises coming from the bathroom are any indication. Disney coming through with those mature, high brow jokes there! (more sarcasm) Poop is funny!!1!! XD

At the next weigh-in, Louis is still trying to find a way out of the match until the last minute by hiding two frying pans under his jacket. 

“Stevens, you have two frying pans around your neck.” // “I do???” - Why is this so funny?

Obviously, Louis’ weight gain idea failed and he’s still 105, in Mimi’s weight class. But, as an even worse last minute attempt of getting out of the match, he sneakily puts his foot on the scale when Mimi’s being weighed -- which puts her over 123 pounds, lol. “Oh... I thought I saw a bug.” SLICK, LOUIS. Real slick. 

Now, we’ve made it to the match! Louis is mysteriously absent when announced by the ref. Until, you hear animal growls and metal music start playing. That’s when Luscious Lou makes his grand entrance. (See cover image.) “I’m Luscious Lou and I love you, sir! There’s love in my heart. No hate, no hate. Just love. That’s all. That’s all I can give.” Was that an unintentional Backstreet Boys quote? I also feel like this is all an ad-lib. It’s really great. Shia’s delivery is always on-point regardless.

In hindsight, it’d be much funnier if this bit wasn’t rooted in Louis’ internalized sexism. Oh, no. Is my inner Tumblr SJW jumping out??? Ah. I really do feel that way, tbh. If he wasn’t trying to get himself disqualified and genuinely acted like this because he’s just a hilarious person like that, I’d find it much funnier today. Instead, it comes across as cringy and sad. Like, I’m so embarrassed for everyone involved in this fictional universe while watching it. In a way, I think that’s the point though. Steve and Ren are confused and disappointed in the stands. Louis is making a fool of himself. The school’s reputation is on the line. Mimi is insulted. It’s... yeah. 

I’m not sure “Luscious” is the best word to describe Lou. 

Thankfully, Louis decides to do the right thing and fight Mimi fair and square. “Hey, Nagurski! Let’s dance.” AYYYYYY! It’s slightly epic. During the fight Steve yells “Take him down!! Oh.. take HER down! Guy, girl, it doesn’t matter. Take THAT PERSON down!!!” - This is so life in 2017. It’s true though. Louis wins the match and Mimi’s respect. So, that’s cool. 

This episodes’ final minute bit is also pretty good. Ren finally pulls a solid prank on Louis by making him think she printed that naked baby photo of him on the cover of the school newspaper, lol. 

All in all, this is a good episode! We’re into the #30s now, so every episode is pretty much stellar to some degree from now on. Shia really shines in this episode and we get to see some different sides to Louis as well, which is always nice. 

Thanks for reading!! Please share your thoughts below! :) 

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[missjjang]

Hey Inspirits, can we talk about INFINITE’s contract renewal?

So I woke up kind of emotional today, and I really want/need to know other peoples opinions about this to maybe calm myself down? Try to cope with it? Idk

Since 2017 started I’ve been on edge about INFINITE disbanding, considering that their 7 year contract with Woollim ends in June. I’ve been an Inspirit since their debut in 2010, and they’ve helped me so much thus far in my life, and seeing the prospect of them disbanding this year just makes my heart break in a million pieces and show how unready I am to let go of them. So, I’ve been trying to think about motives on why they would or wouldn’t disband, and I can’t make up my mind, so I wanna know what the rest of the fandom thinks, if any of you want to talk about it.

So shall we discuss? :3 (like really, if anyone wants to talk about it, let’s talk ;;)

1) They’ll renew their contract and continue on: I don’t doubt for a second that the boys all have amazing relationships between themselves and that they like each other a lot, which is one of the motives some groups disband when the opportunity shows up.

I also think that for a group that has been 7 years into the game all the boys have pretty strong individual activities, and none of them feels ridiculously mistreated by their company or left behind, which is another pretty strong reason why groups disband (4minute aka Hyuna and the others) or some members leave the group (L.joe wanting to act and have a solo but TOP Media only concentrating on Niel’s solo career) - Sunggyu has his musical actor career, his solo career and his mc career; Woohyun has his subunit career (you never know, we might get a Toheart comeback, who knows), his solo career and his acting career (he hasn’t done much and some movies he did were cancelled but it’s not like Woollim hasn’t ever got him work on that field, and I believe he can pursue that if he wants); Dongwoo has his subunit career (quite popular at that) and his musical actor career; Howon has his subunit career (again, quite popular) and his acting career (that is doing really well); Sungyeol has his subunit career and his acting career (he could get more projects nowadays, I agree, but I’m sure that can be arrenged, he has acted in quite some dramas in the past); Myungsoo has his subunit career, his acting career (we all know how we don’t have to worry about this one) and even a kind of photography career? With the little projects and photo albums he has released; and Sungjong has his subunit career and his somewhat variety show career (you know, when he went to Real Men and the jungle and all that; he is the one that worries me the most about being unsatisfied with his solo management alongside Sungyeol, but he’s the maknae, he’s still quite young and has a long time to strive for other things).

They’ve showed how much they love being together as INFINITE inumerous times already and how they seem to enjoy what they do. The most recently one was in INFINITE Rally 3 where they extended the whole thing by like 2 hours (or that’s what the fanaccounts that I read talked about). They also work really hard as a team, not really going more than 6 months of hiatus as an entire group - they’re always either in Korea, in Japan or doing showcases and concerts around Asia or around the world. If you look at their discography, there isn’t a single year they haven’t released a new CD in Korea since 2010, and that’s quite difficult to find, be it new groups, old groups, popular groups, flopped groups. Which also shows how Woollim puts effort in managing them. They’ve also had a pretty fair amount of reality shows of their own (Sesame Player, Birth of a Family, Ranking King, This is Infinite, Infinite Showtime)  and special episodes in established TV programs (Weekly Idol, Beatles Code and all of that). And considering they’re a group that is older than a lot of groups still active in the industry nowadays, they’re always either coming together or individually on V app every now and then, and their V app channel is only behind some pretty strong groups’ channels like Big Bang (the kings nowadays), EXO and BTS (the fever of the moment, as we all know), GOT7 iKON and TWICE (the new generation’s sweethearts that everyone loves), company v apps SM Town and YG Family (which is not fair to compare because those two channels are made of lots of groups?) and APINK (they’re the only ones that are not company v apps or the fever/the new blood of kpop that is on top of INFINITE channel so way to go APINK!!!).

Also, considering they’ve 1 to 2 years more until they all start having to go to the military service, and they’ve only 3 years until their 10th anniversary mark, one might think they would at least want to stick around as a group for that amount of time? Especially considering that if they want to concentrate more on individual aspects of their careers, they can do that when this military period starts, because it’s going to take some years until all of them are discharged from it and back again as 7.

And last but not least, they’ve been consistent for the past 7 years, and that’s not something to take lightly. They’re always winning awards each year, they always manage to get wins on music programs, their albums and concerts sell well and their solo/subunit adventures are quite successful. And I like to think that, as they say, you don’t change a winning team. I keep asking myself: why would they disband when they still like each other, they each have solo activities and no one feels really left behind, their group is still going strong and being sucessfull and the fandom supports them a lot?

But here comes the second option:

2) They’ll not renew their contract and go their separate ways: Now, why would they do that if it’ll not be because the members don’t get along or because they’re completely unsatisfied with their management?

Well, recently I’ve been through the follow situation: I was in a job in which I hated some aspects of it and it made me really stressed and unhappy, but at the same time there were lots of awesome things about it that made me want to keep doing it for a long time, alongside some great coworkers and lots of things to learn. My contract with this job was going to be expired in January, and I kept thinking: should I renew the contract and see up to where I can still handle the stress and unhappiness or should I take this opportunity, not renew my contract and try going to a different path (my boss had already offered the renewal to me)? I thought about all the things that I learned, all the happy moments I had as well as what else was there to learn, the stressful moments I had and reached the following decision: I didn’t not renew my contract and left my job. And that’s exactly what I think might happen to INFINITE.

They’ve been together for 7 years, which is a really long time. Think about yourself 7 years back. How much have you changed? How much has your life changed? Have you done the same thing for the past 7 years? Do you think you could handle doing something for more than 7 years? So yeah, INFINITE has been together for quite some time and they’ve learned and enjoyed a lot together. But all of them are already in their mid/late 20s, and maybe they want a change of pace. maybe they want to concentrate in individual activities and other dreams more, and the group being active would kind of get in the way of that. It’s not that they wouldn’t enjoy still being together, but maybe their priorities have changed with time, or they know want to give other priorities more attention. That’s a normal part of life, you know. And as much as I’ve said earlier that they can concentrate on their individual paths once their military period starts, since they’ll all probably go at different times and it’s going to take some years before they’re back again as 7, maybe they don’t want to way until then. As I’ve learned with my job experience, sometimes there comes a time when you know you can still profit and be happy in a certain situation for a little while longer, but you don’t wait for that time to expire. You just want to jump to new beginnings and new prospects, without fully draining all you can from your previous situation.

Which also reminds me how different the boys are and how they’ve had different things in mind even before debuting. The biggest example of that is Sunggyu - he wanted to be a main vocal for a rock band, not exactly a singer for a boygroup. Also, he has said a couple of times that he doesn’t like dancing too much. So I’ve been thinking he might want to leave the whole dancing-idol thing aside after 7 years of it. I don’t want to think like that, but it’s a possibility. Also, I feel like the members want to explore other things that they haven’t been to as a group (because of Woollim or not), like being more active in composing and having a more heavily saying in the production of their albums. Howon has already mentioned how they aren’t as integrated in the album making as they would like to be (Dongwoo did write to rap part of One Day from their last mini album Infinite Only as we could see in the behind the scenes footeage and all that, and Woohyun did compose “Together” for their Grow movie, but that’s only a little part of the whole process), and I believe that as time passes, that keeps adding more weight to their decisions.

Another thing that kinda scares me and gives me the vibes that they might be disbanding is the whole contract renewal announcement. We’re only 3 months away from the expire date and no one has said anything about them talking to Woollim about renewing or anything (although there hasn’t been news of any of the boys talking to other companies on their own, that I know of). Lots of groups don’t wait for their contract to get so close to the expire date before they renew (like CNBLUE, TEEN TOP and Girl’s Day did). So I keep thinking: what are they waiting for??? Are some of them still unsure about renewing so they’re waiting for each other to make a decision? Are they waiting for something to happen before they decide??

And one last thing: I was beyond happy when they announced they would be having a comeback in May. It’s one of my greatest joys to know that one of my favorites groups ever is confirmed for a comeback, and so soon too (and on my birthday month!). But then I saw a post saying how this might be their goodbye stage and I automatically thought: holy shit, they could do that. I totally see them doing that, it’s their style. They wouldn’t suddenly leave us. They would give us one last gift more parting on good terms. And May is the month before June, when their contract ends. Shit guys, I’m really scared about it.

(Oh! There’s also the possibility that they won’t renew with Woollim, but will all move together to another company like Block B and BEAST/HIGHLIGHT did; I think the boys like Woollim and their CEO a lot, but there’s always a possibility. But in this case I don’t really care tbh lol As long as they’re happy and together as INFINITE, I don’t care to which label they’re signed; and if they do go to different paths I’ll support all of them, of course, but not having INFINITE as a whole making music is going to break my heart ;;).

I’m sorry that this was such a huge ass post, but I really needed to get all this off my chest and I really want to discuss it with other fellow Inspirits and see what you all think. :3