#that with the guilt of leaving a shitty household but having to leave your siblings behind

[toomuchdickfort]

My dad for years: yeah this is your fault actually bc you never let me know when you would be available to interact

Me: ok here’s when I’m available. The ball is now in your court.

Dad:

Dad:

Dad:

Me: ok it’s been several months and I have another birthday gift for my brother

Dad: 👍

Me:

Me:

Me: ok so. I need to get this to him. Here’s specifics on when I’d theoretically be available.

[animeomegas]

Omega!Bakugou headcanons

Anon: Pssssss imma need some more omega Bakugou like now no it make him jealous too because why not

AND

Anon: hi! could you do some omega!bakugou x male alpha!reader? nsfw and sfw pls <3

nesting too pls!! idk why but I love the idea of nesting sjdjsnd, pregnant bakugou fluff would be lovely too <3

AND

Anon: Hi I was wonder if you could do omega Bakugou sfw and nsfw please 🥺

(Hey, everyone!! Bakugou is very popular in my inbox! Okay, let’s write some omega!Bakugou headcanons <3 I have another request for pregnant!Bakugou, so I’ll add that part of the middle request to another post 😊 Also, I only write for a gender neutral reader. I hope you all enjoy~)

Warnings: N-sfw under a cut, suggestive behaviour multiple times not under the cut.

Nesting:

Bakugou is not an omega who is big on nesting. He does nest and he’s very proud of his nest, but he doesn’t feel the urge to nest super often.

He doesn’t keep a permanent, all year-round nest, he’s kind of a clean freak so having to constantly clean all the blankets in his nest would drive his nuts.

He does nest during his heat and late term pregnancy, and also after periods of extreme stress, but not often outside of these times.

But if he knows his alpha likes his nests, he might build them for his alpha when they’re stressed, although he’ll claim he just felt like making it and it shouldn’t go to waste.

It’s not a very convincing lie.

His nest is not in a very popular style, mainly because Bakugou overheats so easily.

It’s a simple double mattress on a very low frame, with a couple of pillows and sheet like blankets that he normally uses as a base rather than a covering.

He has a black and red colour scheme that he thinks is the coolest thing ever, and he definitely has an All Might pillow hidden somewhere at the back that he threatens his alpha to keep a secret, it’s very cute.

He likes his nest to be in an easily defendable position, whether that be inside a large cupboard or wardrobe, or a small room with one door and a small window.

Bakugou also keeps a mini fridge by his nest, as a lot of omegas do, to store water and food, but what he has that a lot of omegas don’t, is a mini freezer too.

He keeps ice packs and ice lollies in there to help when he’s in heat because his temperature tends to get way too high.

Bakugou doesn’t like being vulnerable, so his nest is a sensitive topic for him.

It takes him quite a while to let his alpha into his nest, but he’s quicker to let them chill outside of it, holding his hand and keeping him company. He would probably let them outside his nest after courting for a year and knowing them for at least two years. When he lets them inside depends on a lot of factors, including how well they deal with him from the outside of his nest. It could be anywhere from three months to another year.

Pups:

Bakugou has always wanted some pups, but in a removed and distant kind of way. After all, becoming the No. 1 hero was far more important than any of that ‘family’ nonsense.

He only really considers pups when he’s in a very committed relationship and at a comfortable place in his career. He’s not prepared to take time off at a vulnerable career moment, after all.

Bakugou wants two children, because, while he would never admit it, he always wished he had a sibling when he was a kid, so he wants to give that to his children.

But he’s very conflicted about it.

Firstly, two pregnancy leaves would be a huge blow to his career. Prime hero years and prime ‘having children years’ are the same years, so in a way, he has to decide how to balance these two priorities. He isn’t sure he wants to risk his career with that much leave so close together (heroes can’t be in the field while pregnant at all, so it would be a huge sacrifice.)

Secondly, he’s nervous about how useless he would likely feel while pregnant. He’s a workaholic and being confined to his house and losing control over his quirk would drive him nuts.

So, he doesn’t really know what to do. He doesn’t share any of his concerns with his alpha, but he does take their wishes into account too. If his alpha really wants two children, Bakugou does keep that in mind. But he’s not a push over. If he decides that two maternity leaves are too many, then it’s too many. It’s his body and he won’t let anyone tell him otherwise.

So, with all this in mind, Bakugou is fucking thrilled when he finds out he’s having twins.

Two pups for the price of one pregnancy leave?? Sign him the hell up!

Bakugou has twin boys, both alphas, and Bakugou just cannot believe his luck that all his problems just fixed themselves.

“But I don’t want to go!” came a defiant voice from the back seat of the car. Both you and Bakugou sighed, not keen on restarting the disagreement that had plagued the household for the entire morning. It had taken twice as long as normal this morning to get the twins dressed and in the car because of this very argument.

You could see Bakugou about to open his mouth to tell him that they had to, but you held up a hand to stop him.

“Why don’t you want to go, sweetheart?” you cooed at your oldest son.

“I don’t want you and daddy to leave…” whimpered your youngest son, answering in his brother’s stead.

Bakugou winced and reached a hand into the back and squeezed each of his son’s hands in turn.

“I know.” He said simply. You could feel his guilt, even though you both knew it was the best for all of you that the twins get used to nursery so that both you and Bakugou could go back to focusing on your careers. They would be fine, you tried to convince yourself. Millions of kids do this every year and it works out fine.

The nursery came into view, and you refocused your attention onto finding a parking space in the little car park on the side of the building. You could hear your sons shifting anxiously in the back and it pulled at your heart strings. You pulled into an empty space and turned off the engine. You and Bakugou shared a single look before moving to get your children out of the car with practiced ease.

“No,” your eldest son shouted. “I’m not going to go. I’m staying here!”

You had tried to take him out of the car seat, but he had refused to cooperate. You didn’t want to pull him out in case you hurt him. Bakugou came to stand behind you, your youngest son clutching his neck desperately.

“Let me talk to him,” he spoke softly, handing the younger twin over into your arms.

“Hey,” Bakugou said softly, leaning down to peer inside the car where his eldest son stubbornly sat with his arms crossed. “It’s okay to be scared to go to nursery, you know.”

Your oldest son visibly flinched and avoided looking at Bakugou in the eyes.

“I’m not scared, daddy. I just don’t want to.”

“Uh huh,” Bakugou said, eyebrow raised.

“I’m not!” Your son exploded. When he realised that he’d just shouted at his father, the colour drained from his face and his bottom lip started to quiver. Bakugou wordlessly held out his arms and his eldest son accepted the embrace just in time to burst into heavy tears on Bakugou’s shoulder.

“It’s alright,” Bakugou hushed. “I’m not angry at you.”

In your arms, your youngest son was watching his brother cry and letting out little whimpers into your neck. You rubbed his back soothingly and whispered that everything was going to okay.

Out of the corner of your eye, you realised another parent was staring judgementally at your family. Bakugou clearly also noticed because he bared his teeth as a warning and the parent quickly moved on. You scoffed at the idiot who thought it was a good idea to antagonise an omega who was looking after a distraught pup, let alone when said omega was a top ten hero.

“W-What if they don’t l-like me?” your eldest whimpered out.

“Here,” Bakugou wiped some of the tears away with his thumb. “How about this, you tell me if anyone is mean to you and I’ll sort it out, how does that sound?”

“But…” your son hesitated. “But what will you do?”

Bakugou grinned.

“I’ll make their parents regret doing such a shitty job at parenting.”

You gasped, halfway between scandalised and amused.

“Katsuki!” you reprimanded and smacked his lightly on the shoulder.

It did seem to cheer up your sons, though, who were now giggling at your antics.

“Daddy said a bad word,” your youngest twin giggled to you.

“He did,” you pressed your lips together. “And it was very naughty of him.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes and instead placed the pup in his arms on the floor, taking him by the hand. You did the same and slowly, you both made your way toward the school gate. The mood dropped, but neither of your children tried to resist.

You could see a teacher standing at the gate to escort the new students and you made your way over.

“Remember,” Bakugou said before you reached the gate, stopping you all for a moment. “We’ll be back in this many hours,” he held up three fingers. “Can you guys tell me how many this is?”

“One… two… three…” they both said together.

“That’s right! See? You guys are going to be the smartest ones in there,” Bakugou boasted, ruffling their hair.

“Careful,” you teased. “They’ll turn into you.”

“Are you saying I’m always the smartest person in the room?” Bakugou grinned back.

“No, I’m saying you always think you’re the smartest person in the room.”

“Oi!” he growled, knocking his shoulder with yours. The pups giggled again, seeming to be in higher spirits. You escorted them to the gate at the front of the playground and let the teacher introduce herself.

And with one final goodbye, your pups were off into the nursery and out of sight.

You and Bakugou walked to the car in silence, digesting what had happened and processing that your little ones were now old enough for nursery. You both slipped back into the car and began the drive home.

It was weird to think that your children were neither with you, nor at home waiting for you, but that kind of existential deep dive could wait until later.

Bakugou’s hand settled just a little bit too high on your thigh. For the moment, it was time to appreciate the novelty of an empty house.

 Jealously:

I don’t think anyone would be very surprised to find out that Bakugou can get quite jealous on occasion.

In the early days of your relationship, he’s very nervous that his alpha is going to find a ‘better’ omega, an omega who is more traditional, and leave him for them. It takes a lot of bravery for him to leave himself vulnerable to being abandoned, and occasionally the insecurities seep through.

He hates the whiny, simpering omegas that plaster themselves onto the nearest alpha, and it makes him furious to see anyone doing that to you.

He has no subtlety, no brooding angst, he just threatens the other omega(s) away to their face, and then drags you somewhere private to cover you in his scent.

Later in the relationship, things change. He’s extremely confident that his alpha is his. Why would they ever leave him? He’s the best fucking omega ever!

Instead, he gets jealous if he isn’t getting enough attention because you’re spending too much time with someone else.

He doesn’t do this in a possessive way, it’s just that he doesn’t get a whole lot of free time and when his alpha spends that free time with someone else? Another omega? He’s pissed.

He gets surly and passive aggressive about it, and it’s extremely obvious.

The best way to fix it is to just give him lots of attention, he won’t behave like this is you have to leave for something important (he understands duty like the best of them), so it’s very easy to address.

Bakugou idly stirred a pot of miso soup as the radio in the kitchen blasted out whatever awful top 40 song it had picked this morning. He had only put it on to fill the silence really, which was the only thing this awful excuse for music was good for in his opinion.

He was making breakfast for the two of you as a kind of mini celebration. He had two days off in a row, the first time in a couple of months because of his crazy work schedule and he wanted to make sure he spent every moment that he could with his alpha. And so, here he was, getting up early to prepare breakfast for your both.

There was a lull in noise as the radio switched between songs, and in the few moments of silence, Bakugou could hear shuffling coming from the bathroom. He grinned. Perfect timing.

He put down the last plate and waited for you to come out, you should be here any second now.

 Fiddling with your shirt one last time you swung open your bedroom door, bag on your shoulder, finally ready to leave. You were interrupted momentarily by a delicious scent in the air. Bakugou must be cooking, so you followed the smell to the kitchen and walked in to say goodbye to him, vaguely sad that you were going to be missing his food, but he was probably only making himself something to bring to work, anyway.

And then you saw the elaborate breakfast spread your heart stopped. Had you forgotten an anniversary? Bakugou looked just as shocked to see you dressed up and ready to leave. However, his shock soon melts into frustration.

“Why are you all dressed up?” he growled, the excitement that had been on his face when you walked in now gone. “You said you weren’t working today.”

“I’m not,” you said quietly, confused as to why he was so upset. “Izuku messaged me while I was getting dressed and invited me for brunch, I was just going to meet him.”

Bakugou’s face screwed up at your words. He went to open his mouth but then stopped. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was doing the breathing exercises that his therapist taught him for when he was angry. What had you done to make him this upset?

The relaxing exercises clearly weren’t working for him because he stood up from the table and stalked out of the room suddenly, shutting himself in your bedroom. You winced as the door slammed shut behind him.

Oh dear… you had made your mate so upset that he had shut himself away in your bedroom. Your stomach twisted itself into a knot. It was time for some damage control (and a quick check of the calendar to makes sure you hadn’t actually forgotten an anniversary or something.)

You shot a quick text to Midoriya, apologising for cancelling and letting him know that something had come up. He sent back a ‘don’t worry!’ message and about six smiling emojis. Well, at least he wasn’t also mad at you.

Fishing out a tray from the cupboard above the sink, you stacked it up with as much food from the table as you could, thankful that it appeared to still be warm, and carried it to your bedroom door.

“Katsuki?” you called out, knocking on the door with your foot. “I’m coming in, is that okay?”

There was silence. Well, silence was better than swearing, so you carefully slid open the door and moved towards the brooding lump on the bed.

“The fuck do you want?” he growled. “I thought you were going out to eat with Deku?”

You froze at his vicious tone. Was he jealous? Well, that was a lot easier to solve than forgetting an anniversary, at least.  With a smile, you slid the tray onto the bedside table and climbed on the bed behind you mate, letting out a reassuring scent. You wrapped your arms around him, ignoring how he tensed in your embrace, and whispered into his ear.

“Why would I spend time with Midoriya when I could be spending time with you, hmm?” you whispered, purposefully blowing hot air onto his neck. You revelled in his full body shiver. “The only reason I accepted plans with Midoriya was because I thought you were going to work.” You pressed as close to him as you could and placed a single kiss right behind his ear. Bakugou melted at the affection.

“Come on now,” you continued, a coy smile on your face. “Let’s not let this delicious breakfast go to waste.”

You reached over and scooped a little bit of rice onto your fingers before holding it up to his lips. Bakugou opened his mouth with only a small grumble in complaint, and you made sure to push your fingers a little deeper inside than perhaps absolutely necessary.

“I promise I’ll make this morning’s misunderstanding up to you.”

Miscellaneous:

Bakugou’s scent is fairly sweet but still quite smoky.

When he’s upset/stressed, his scent is like burnt sugar, and when he’s very happy/excited, he smells like almost like a marshmallow roasting on a bonfire.

It’s a very pleasant scent but it does tend to divide people. Some love it, and others hate it.  Bakugou doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about his scent (except his alpha, but shh, that’s a secret!)

In his family, his father is an omega and his mother is an alpha and while they are happy together, Bakugou always promised himself that he would never end up in a relationship like that. He didn’t want some alpha bossing him around like his mother bossed around his father.

Bakugou finds meek alphas (and people) annoying, but he doesn’t like super aggressive alphas either. He’s attracted to people who exist in the middle of those extremes.

Bakugou knew he was an omega from birth, and it was something he was very insecure about for a long time. It was a big part of why he turned out the way he did as a child, he was making up for something that he viewed as a weakness by being as aggressive as possible.

His mother wasn’t great at making him feel secure in his secondary gender, assuming he would like certain things and pushing him in certain directions simply because he was an omega.

His father said that he was there if Bakugou had any questions, but he let Bakugou reach out to him instead of reaching out to Bakugou, and Bakugou was too proud to make the first move.

Bakugou ends up deciding that being an omega wasn’t going to stop him becoming the No. 1 hero. He decided that he could overcome being an omega.

It wasn’t until he was an adult that he actually started to accept being an omega was a part of him that he didn’t need to overcome, but that he could instead embrace and that it didn’t make him weak to do so.

When he does become a mainstream hero, he makes sure to always tell the omega children that he meets that they can do whatever they want and still be an omega.

N-sfw under the cut

Bakugou is a switch, mostly.

Oftentimes he switches multiple times in the same session, so his alpha needs to be quite the brat tamer to keep him from getting frustrated and trying to get on top so that he can control the pace.

He has a very high sex drive, and he likes to have a partner who can match him because he way prefers sex to masturbating.

It would be hard to find someone whose chest and nipples are as sensitive as Bakugou’s, and when he’s in heat, he can definitely orgasm just from his chest being stimulated.

Bakugou is also definitely a squirter, something which he was very shocked and embarrassed to find out.

Bakugou generally prefers slightly rougher sex. He gets bored when the pace is too slow and definitely scratches and bites (and is happy to receive the same in return).

When he’s in heat, Bakugou is a bit different.

He’s not a pillow prince by any means, but he is definitely a lot more passive than he is normally.

He’s not super loud, but he definitely swears a lot, even between waves of heat when he gets grumpy that he’s too hot and sticky. That swearing is a lot less sexy though.

Bakugou’s sexual side doesn’t really come out outside of his own home. He doesn’t like flaunting anything in public and can even get uncomfortable talking about sex with his friends, especially when they tease him with personal questions. He’s definitely a private person when it comes to sex.

Although that is not to say he isn’t confident in the expression of his own sexuality, much to opposite is true. He is definitely the kind of person to order some new toy or outfit on the internet every month to surprise his alpha.

He’s sexy and he knows it, so why not?

[weasleypogues]

help pt.2 (r.c.)

after lots of requests asking for a part two!! i decided fuck it and to make it! hope u all enjoy! :) xxxxxx

part one here if you haven’t read it already! 

masterlist.

after being in a relationship with rafe for a year now, you know how he handles his feelings and rationalizes them. it’s simple, he doesn’t. you’d watch and hear about him getting into fights with his sisters which was normal for siblings but you can see how he blew them out of proportion. 

you knew for one thing that you weren’t in this relationship to solely be his therapist and fix him but you loved him and you help the ones you love. even if that means acknowledging that they may be in the wrong and helping them come to that realization to rationalize it. 

however, no matter how many times you helped him and talked through everything with him, there were some nights in which a conversation was no use. there were only so many times that he felt as if he deserved help and other times where he resorted to drugs and drinking to ease his thoughts. 

even though watching him blow your date off and throw a party as an excuse to push away his thoughts, you still cared for him. so when you walked away you didn’t hop in your car and speed off, but you invited yourself inside the large and dark house. you tiptoed your way to his room, not fully knowing who was home and who was asleep. 

you found yourself in front of his door and placed your hand on the knob, turning it slightly and hearing the familiar creak of the hinges. you smelt the faint hint of the shower he had taken after you left and before the party. your eyes easily trailed the the outfit at the foot of his bed. it was not the outfit that you left him in and came to the conclusion that this was the outfit he was going to take you out in. you took a few steps to that outfit and lightly let your fingers trail along the stitching and buttons of his shirt, finally grasping it as tight as you could as you felt a lump in your throat form. 

“(y/n)?” you heard a faint voice call out. you spun around and were face to face with wheezie who had her hair in two french braids and in her pajamas. she shined her phone in your direction to get a better look. you softly smiled and walked towards her, taking her in for a hug.

“hi wheeze. sorry, did i wake you?” you asked thoughtfully, pulling away and taking your shoes off in his doorway to throw them to the side. she put down her phone as her eyes finally adjusted to the moonlight shining in. 

“nope, i could feel the bass bumping outside from here.” she chuckled. you looked into her soft brown eyes for a second and felt a tinge of guilt. you always tried to sympathize with everyone and put yourself in their shoes. you couldn’t imagine how wheezie felt. this was not the easiest household to grow up in, regardless of how it looks on the outside. she was only thirteen and already had her heartbroken. by her brother and father. and no matter how many times they pushed her to the side in their own frantics, she still put on a brave face and loved them. she was not as in the dark as she let off to be. she was intelligent and knew how to formulate her thoughts and actions. 

“oh shit yeah, i’m sorry.” you apologized on behalf of rafe. she gave you a soft smile and shook her head, allowing one braid to fall from her shoulder to behind her back.

“don’t apologize for him, this is nothing new.” wheezie laughed off. you smiled off the situation as well, just accepting it at this point.

“what do you say we go out into town for brunch tomorrow? you and i?” you inquired, as a way of letting her know that you were there for her. because if you were there for rafe, you had to be there for everything that came from this relationship, and that meant his little sisters. a big smile grew on her face that warmed your heart and she nodded her head fast.

“totally down! i’ll start looking up cute places on google and let you know!” wheezie exclaimed, trying to contain some of her excitement. she turned around and excitedly ran back to her room upstairs. you closed rafe’s door, not all the way in hopes of letting some light from the hallway in. 

making your way to his bathroom, you invited yourself to some of your toiletries that he practically begged you to keep here as an excuse to stay over more often. you grabbed make up wipes and your toothbrush and settled yourself before grabbing a tshirt of his and sliding off your dress. you placed your phone on the nightstand next to the bed, claiming your usual side of the bed before sliding under and shutting your eyes.

this slumber, if you could even call it that, felt like at least ten minutes when rafe had woken you up by barging through his door at least three hours later. your eyes fluttered open and tried their hardest to adjust quickly to the hallway light he was letting shine in your face. his glossy eyes lazily landed on your body under his covers and you swear you could see his shoulders relax. you gave your body a slight stretch and grabbed onto the top of the blanket and opened it up as an invite for rafe to hop in. rafe kicked off his shoes and stumbled his way to bed, which made your heart hurt a little.

“i thought you went home.” he slightly slurred, his eyes closing. he was lying on his back with the arm further from your resting on his forehead. the room must be spinning right now. 

“i thought about it and maybe i had every right to, but i didn’t want to leave you.” you responded, in a mousier voice than you realized as this was the first words to leave your mouth since you woke up. 

“why not? i fucking blew you off tonight. it was shitty.” he answered truthfully. you took a second and watched his chest rise and fall as he awaited an answer. you knew you were not here to be his savior but you were here to love him. 

“it was shitty...but. but i know it’s because your psych yourself out and maybe feel like your in a valley rather than a peak. when your in peaks i love to see the smile on your face and make all these great memories with you. but when you’re in valleys, that is not the time for me to run and let you deal with everything on your own. i’m here to back you up and love you for you.” you responded, keeping your eyes on his rising and falling chest and letting your hand make it’s way to the center of it, feeling the faint beat of his heart. he took the free hand he had and grabbed your hand from his chest and kissed the top of it. 

“i love you, (y/n).” rafe whispered, leaning over and kissing the top of your head. you both instinctively snuggled closer to each other and you could feel him squeeze you protectively. the moonlight and body warmth helped both of you fall asleep rather quickly. 

--

waking up to the sunlight in the room shining through his two windows was almost as comforting as the fact that you woke up on your stomach with your hand still placed on his chest and his own hand resting on top of that. you could still feel the faint pitter patter and smiled softly to yourself. you slightly sat up to check the time on his nightstand where his clock sat. 9:17. you rolled your eyes playfully, thinking of the last time you saw that time, was last night when you hopped out of your car in front of his house. circumstances and conversations were different. 

you slowly slid out from under the covers and made your way to the bathroom to freshen up quickly and grabbing a pair of his basketball shorts before heading to the kitchen for some water. grabbing a glass and filling it as quietly as you could you heard faint footsteps grow in volume as they entered the kitchen. you swiftly turned around and saw sarah walk in, opening up the fridge.

“mornin’.” sarah said, groggily and grabbing pre-made cold brew out of the fridge. you smiled softly as you brought the glass once at your lips down to the marble counter.

“morning. wheeze and i are going out to grab brunch if you wanna come out and make it a girls day!” you stated, lightly tapping your fingers against the glass. she made a face with a smile that looked like she was considering it and raised her eyebrows.

“i think i’ll take you up on that offer.” sarah responded, running a hand through her bed head and taking a sip. you smiled and felt slightly relieved, you and sarah were always nice to each other and were once even close but her and rafe’s relationship made you nervous to overstep. but you had to admit you missed how close you two were. 

making your way back to rafe’s bedroom, you noticed his eyes fluttering open and he stretched, groaning in the meanwhile. he brought his hands to his head and rubbed his temples. 

“need some advil babe?” you chuckled, grabbing the pill bottle from his dresser and going to hand him your glass of water. he groaned in response. as you handed the pill bottle to him, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you back in to bed. you couldn’t handle the scream that escaped your lips as you accidentally poured the water from your cup on the both of you. 

he grabbed the cup and put it on the nightstand and wrapped his hands around your waist. rafe began planting kisses all over your face until you pulled away with a giant smile and realized you were straddling him. he smirked and checked you out before making his way back up to your eyes.

“i can get used to this sight.” rafe flirted and you felt your cheeks go hot as you rolled off of him. 

“i gotta get ready.” you stated, chuckling and getting off the bed. you watched him dry swallow two ibuprofen and look at you with a shocked look on his face.

“get ready?” rafe said exasperatedly, lifting his torso off his bed and sitting up. you playfully rolled your eyes and grabbed your phone off the bed next to him. 

“indeed. i’m having a girls only brunch with your sisters.” you said, flashing him a cheeky smile. he groaned and rolled his eyes, letting his body fall dramatically back on his bed. “oh, don’t be dramatic.” you heard his chuckle slightly fade out and you glanced over at him as he stared off into space.

“can you come back here later? or maybe i come to you? help me figure some of this “seeing someone to talk to” shit out. i don’t think i can do it alone.” he muttered, clearly a little embaraassed to admit it. you did not hesitate to walk over to him and grab his face in your hands before planting a kiss on his lips.

“anything for you, my love.” you whispered in front of his face and looked longingly into his eyes. you appreciated softer moments like this that reminded you of the sweet times you both had together. you pulled away after one more kiss. “i’m with you every step of the way.” 

you stuck your pinky out to him and he again, playfully rolled his eyes, attempting to withhold the display of the oncoming smile on his face. he linked his pinky in yours and you both kissed your thumbs.

“i’m with you every step of the way.” he repeated. you both unlinked your fingers but let your hands graze each other as you walked closer to his doorframe. 

“sarah, wheezie! ready whenever you are!” you yelled up, hearing two pairs of footsteps only a few moments after. you looked back and rafe winked at you as he put his hands behind his head. you laughed and caught up with his sisters in the foyer.

you were with each other every step of the way.

[laceymorganwrites]

Colors

Word count: 2,036

Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS, drug abuse, toxic and abusive family, swearing, toxic relationships. this isn´t a happy story.

Pairing: Dabi x reader

A/N: well....I´m doing songfics again yay!! This is the first thing I ever wanted to write about Dabi, well the inspiration anyway. I mean Colors is the best song for him, it inspired me so much but over the years I have established a version of him in my writing that is more dark and angsty. So, if you wanted a happy end: pls read another one of my stories for him

Touya couldn´t remember the last time he had a happy family dinner.

The words happy and family just didn´t go together in his world.

But there were certain days in the year where he had to drive up to the mansion he hated so much.

This day wasn´t any different.

He still felt that pit in his stomach, that disgust towards the woman who dared call herself his mother, his savior, the one that fixed him and would always be there and cared oh so fucking much.

It was all bullshit. She just used him for her own good, for her fame, her success, exploited him for her stupid fucking TV show and then was mad beyond anything else when he didn´t want to do the interviews anymore and moved out.

´How I survived my toxic marriage and still was able to be a good mother´ she called it, it made him retch. Playing the victim like that when in reality she was anything but.

It made him sick beyond anything else.

Every time he returned back home he could never decide who he hated more: her, his father, his brothers or himself.

The only one who stood by his side throughout everything was Fuyumi.

They always confined in each other, finding comfort through their shared experience of a shitty excuse for a childhood.

Now he was stepping out of his car that was way overdue to get a new checkup but he just didn´t have the money.

Being in a shitty band and everyone hating you because of your family didn´t make it easy.

Besides, all his money was spent on the drugs anyway.

Shouto didn´t have it easy either, but Touya never acknowledged that, having to carry more than enough baggage for multiple lifetimes.

Yeah maybe he was selfish and should care more about his siblings, especially the youngest who looked up to him more than he liked to admit.

They both were quite similar if he thought about it hard enough. But thinking wasn´t one of his favorite things to do. Unless it was about music.

He forced himself to enter the hell he used to call home and quietly sat down with the others. As always he was the last one to arrive since he dreaded the day ever since the second Fuyumi sent him the first text message.

She always sent more than just one because she just knew he never checked his phone, especially after knowing it was that time of the year again.

Last year she had to drag him out of his apartment by force. It wasn´t a nice view at all. It was dirty and you were in each other´s arms, all shot up, not knowing whether your favorite color was left or right.

It was a horrible sight. And Touya promised her he´d get better.

A promise she knew he´d break. A promise made out of lies. That´s why she didn´t hold it against him. Because she knew he wasn´t ready, he wasn´t serious and he was just too far gone.

And yet she didn´t give him up. He was her brother, she just couldn´t.

Touya sat down next to Fuyumi, keeping his coat on as always. The drugs made him feel cold and also he´d leave soon anyway, so it was no point in taking it off anyway.

Fuyumi and Natsuo were having a conversation, both smiling at him honestly. It made him sick with guilt. He should´ve never left them alone, but he couldn´t be here in this household any longer, not with her...not with him.

He forsake them and yet they never blamed him, they still smiled like they used to, said hello and shares stories he just listened in to.

Touya never said much, what was there to say?

After a while Shouto joined them, slightly tapping his older brother´s shoulder and giving him a box wrapped in pretty paper with the stern expression Touya hated so much.

Well, he didn´t really hate it, it was more of a guilt he felt towards it, he hated how he didn´t help his little brother who was in the same situation as him. It made him feel nauseous.

Fuyumi helped wrap the present.

“What´s that?” Touya asked coldly, never intending the tone but he couldn´t control it.

He couldn´t control anything anymore, though the real question was if he ever could. He highly doubted it.

“For your birthday” he said, Shouto sent him a text message on that day saying how he looked forward to the dinner so he could give him his gift in person.

Of course Touya didn´t read his messages anymore. Partly because he didn´t think that people cared about him and partly because he just didn´t want to exist anymore.

He shrugged a bit as he opened his present.

“Guitar strings?” he questioned, immediately recognizing them. They were his favorite after all.

“How´d you even know which ones I use?” he questioned.

“I like your music” Shouto said, it was true after all. Touya was his hero and his words meant a lot to him even if they weren´t directed at him.

“Huh...I didn´t know that. Are you even old enough to watch our shows?” he didn´t exactly know how to react, never knowing how to deal with compliments.

“Yeah but when I´m on patrol I can hear it just fine. You really have talent, Touya” he smiled slightly, a sadness in his eyes.

All Shouto ever wanted was a normal family and now he had a broken one and was supposed to be the glue. Nobody ever asked him if he wanted to be, hell, nobody ever asked him anything.

Touya didn´t know how to react or what to say, all of the bitter, sarcastic comments got stuck in his throat, closing up his lungs, making him unable to breathe.

“Huh…” he just said, his empty eyes looking at the strings in his hands, so fragile. Just like his mind, just like his brother, just like the broken family in front of him.

It all was so absurd, why were they even here? Why were they still pretending as if everything was fine? Even if it was just for one day? Why was everyone so quick to forgive their parents? Why did his mother get away with having such a manipulative TV show that exploited them? And why was his dad still allowed to call himself a hero? It just wasn´t fair. It wasn´t fair that they had to suffer, that they had to shoulder everything, that their parents didn´t apologize even once, that Touya just got cast out off their home and wasn´t accepted, that he just didn´t fit in and it somehow was his fault.

Fuck everything.

He was so done with all of this.

Though he had to admit, spending time with his siblings wasn´t as bad as he thought it´d be.

No, the bad always started when his mom left the kitchen and wanted to analyze his mental health. The even worse started happening when his dad got home, they fought, he punched him so hard he couldn´t feel his face for the next week and Touya swore to himself never to return.

And yet he did.

But he learned his lesson, Fuyumi now always told him when Enji would come home so that he could leave without ever seeing him.

Just like now.

Fuyumi gave Touya the sign and he went out the backdoor to drive back to his shitty apartment.

You were already waiting for him.

The relationship you two had was more than toxic, he didn´t care about you, just about the drugs you provided.

He called you his muse and you thought it actually meant something.

Whatever you had started when you two hooked up after a show, somehow he ended up staying at your apartment since then.

You felt special, other groupies were jealous of you, said you just got lucky and didn´t deserve the attention.

But he didn´t give you any of that, he took your drugs and used you as someone to tell his secrets and past, you wouldn´t tell anyone. You loved him too much for that.

Though it wasn´t really love so much as idolization.

You cleaned for him, went shopping for him, cooked for him, without you he would be long dead.

Or maybe it was because of you.

You two were dependent on each other, like a curse.

Touya died his hair black to better fit in the rockstar imagine, or as you liked to think: to defy his father. You always tried to find reason in everything, maybe that was why he was so bored with you.

Around you he wanted to be Dabi, not Touya.

Sure he told you everything but just cause he wanted it off his chest and mind to drown himself in drugs, alcohol, sex and music again.

Every time his roots showed you died his hair again, his washed out hair looked gray and tired.

So dull, the remains washed down the drain just like his soul.

Gray really was his color, though the shirts he wore were dirty from the sweat and blood, the edges were singed from his quirk.

He still had nightmares, though he didn´t burn down half of the apartment anymore, you were so proud of him for that.

To you he was a masterpiece, a true work of art, he made it so hard to find beauty in the ugly, but still you did.

You wanted to show him, make him feel the way he made you, or rather the illusion of him, made you feel.

His life was so devoid of color and you just wanted to make him see the bright blue that it had to offer.

You loved the blue of his flames, they burnt hotter than everything else you ever experienced, it was almost laughable how bright they shined, like a past self, more like a ghost of himself.

His eyes used to shine in the same color, but now they were dull like the rest of his life.

Oh, but there was still color in his life! The blue of the pills he´d take, there were also yellow and pink ones, looking like candy but burning away at your brain and life itself.

It was always the things that looked harmless that fucked you up the most.

Just like you, being so nice to offer him a place to stay and through that binding him to you.

Not like he cared. He was way beyond that point already.

You always imagined him working on music would be like a dream, something you were so honored to experience.

But really it was just him barely hanging on from all the drugs he consumed, one hand on the toilet seat as he retched his heart out, the other tearing up the sheets with lyrics he wrote.

It wasn´t enough, not nearly good enough, why´d he have to be such a failure?

Then he shot up some more and suddenly felt like a god walking the earth.

That was when he would cower in the kitchen, tons of notebooks all around him, pens lying on the floor next to the syringes and he´d just write.

Write everything down, his anger, his grief, his pain.

Nobody could even read the words he wrote, but that didn´t matter. It just mattered that he got something out there, he needed the outlet, the money even more.

He was a starving artist, captured in his own misery.

Every morning when you woke up next to him felt like a nightmare.

Dabi turned into Touya again, the sad, abused boy who never could grow up. But the one you loved an unhealthy amount, the one you idolized so much that it hurt and tore you open from within, he was gone.

It was just a facade.

Like it always has been… you would realize once you were awake.

You wanted to run, live a life that you had long abandoned, live for yourself instead and be happy, but you couldn´t move.

No, the breakfast shot kept you with him. With the drugs it wasn´t so bad.

[simple-heroics]

Class 1-A Girls as Roommates

Oh, my god, they were roommates

Momo Yaoyorozu

First of all, you lucky bastard I hate you. Secondly, I’d like to make the point that Momo is wealthy af and has no financial need of a roommate. So, if you two are living, you’re probably already great friends with her or more. 

Momo loves to share. She is an extremely generous person, so she'll totally offer you some of her food when she cooks and even some of her shower products. 

Totally lets you borrow her clothes. Different sizes? She's gotchoo! Can and will create the best clothes for you. This is especially helpful if you have a date.

Speaking of her Quirk, its usefulness becomes really apparent when you two first move in and are still figuring out where things are or what you still need for the house. Bought that knife set but somehow forgot a can opener? Momo’s gotchoo again. 

A great communicator and takes the initiative to make sure you guys are on the same page about chores. Despite her busy hero career, Momo still does a great job keeping up with her fair share.

Please sit and drink tea with her. She'd love it. Probably the best thing about being Momo's roommate is coming home at the end of the day to this beautiful woman omg are you're okay with just being roommates and catching up over cups of freshly brewed tea. 

If something happens and you’re unable to pa your rent one month, Momo can cover it. Will not guilt or shame you over this. No matter what kind of petty roommate argument you two might have, she will never hold that over your head. Ever. Things happen, and Momo understands that.

The not so great...

Yaomomo is such a sweetie but...she's also a rich girl who is used to a lot space. Her furniture will fill up the whole apartment. An entire kitchen cabinet is stuffed to the brim with her teas, so you'd have to find some other space to shove your cereal.

Nonetheless, she tries very hard to be a good roommate - especially if it's her first place after moving out of her parents' house/school dorms - and this sometimes leads to her being overly accommodating. That and the above can lead to some tension between you two. 

Momo has such long, beautiful hair...and it absolutely gets clogged in y'all's shower. Good luck.

Mina Ashido

Mina is the fun roommate! I’m talking late nights spent goofing off, playing video games and watching movies or even just talking if you want. If you two weren’t best friends before moving in together, guess what?

You’re best friends now. or more?

Alien Queen is also Snack Queen. Our pink homegirl buys lots of snacks and is more than happy to share.

Um, garbage? What garbage? Her Quirk dissolves it and that’s one utility y’all are saving money on now to get Kaminari to help with the electricity

No matter how bad your day was, how shitty your boss, how long your commute, Mina can always make you laugh. Which is a nice way to end an otherwise completely shit day.

Actually pretty good about keeping the apartment tidy! Living in the UA dorm taught her a lot about being considerate of shared spaces and she’s always out and about anyway. So almost no worries about messes 

Because she’s either out and about or doing patrols, you actually get the apartment to yourself quite a bit?? Ummm, SCORE! Until you start missing your pink roomie/bestie

That is, if she’s not inviting/dragging you out to do stuff with her! If you’re someone who needs a bit of prompting to get out of the house, Mina is great for that!

Also...the roommate who is constantly trying to hook you up with her friends. Like, I’m serious. If you’re not already seeing anyone, this die hard romantic will constantly try to set you up with people hey, roomie, pls introduce me to Kirishima. You won’t need a dating app ‘cause Mina Ashido is your roommate and girl knows everybody.

The not so great...

If you're pretty introverted or just really prefer quiet at home, being roommates with Mina can be hard. Mina is a social butterfly - loud and bubbly and all these other wonderful qualities that simultaneously don't mesh well with most introverts.

Speaking of social butterfly, she invites her friends over. A lot. And y’all know that the Bakusquad spells c h a o s

It would also not surprise me if Mina had a number of...ahem, overnight guests. So prepare for extra (awkward) company at breakfast.

Sometimes gets so caught up in her social life, all those hobbies, and hero work that...she forgets that rent or utilities are due. Whoops. You’ll have to remind her sometimes. 😬

Good luck if you have wooden floorboards. Mina loves to dance and this means a lot of scuff marks.

Ochaco Uraraka

This cutie! 12/10 would room with her if I could

When she first started UA, Ochaco had to move to Musutafu and live on her on which I'm sure was a little scary for a 15-year-old girl and definitely lonely. She wasn't looking forward to being alone again after graduation but wait! She has you!

Really appreciates your presence in your shared home and will undoubtedly cherish you, even treating you like family. It makes her so happy when she comes home after a long day of patrols and having someone respond when she says, "I'm home!" Ochaco, lemme be your housewife

Video game nights with Dekusquad? Video game nights with Dekusquad! 

Pretty clean and always does her dishes which automatically puts her the top tier of roommate categories, let’s be real. 

She knows where all the deals are, when certain sales are happening, and where to go for the best discounts. And she shares all this hard-earned knowledge with her precious roomie (that's you, boo). Grocery shopping with her is intense because she gets super competitive about getting those deals before everyone else but it's also so much fun.

Master couponer. You knows those ladies that clip so many coupons that they sort them into little bags and actually sell them in bundles? That's Ochaco. She's even part of some online couponing groups. 

But she always hands you the coupons for your favorite snacks.

The not so great..

Ochaco works really, really hard and takes on a lot of missions. So, when she gets home, the usually upbeat hero can be a little...grouchy. By grouchy, I mean snappy and sulky and -- who is this woman and what did she do to your sweet, adorable roommate? 

Seriously, just don’t talk to her or make a lot of noise until she sleeps for 10+ hours and eats or she might send you floating to your shared ceiling.

That roommate who will get on you if you leave any of the lights on or stay in the shower for too long. She is NOT shelling out extra cash on utilities next month because of you!! honestly same

Toru Hagakure

Another fun roommate! 

We’ve seen her room, and we can tell by looking at it that she loves to decorate. If you (probably) have different tastes than hers, Toru will find ways to compromise and combine both your preferences to decorate your shared apartment! You know what that means?

Ikea trips. Toru’s enthusiasm alone makes it so much fun but it’s not as fun when you inevitably lose her in that Swedish labyrinth. (Hint: Check the various kids’ sections. She got distracted by the cute plushies.) 

If you two are not constantly updating your interior design, you’re at least adding to it. it makes the space just uniquely yours and feel so homey.

Toru has some real 👌👌 taste in movies. Her movie collection makes for some awesome movie nights. Bring all the blankets, plushies, and the like and you’re in for a chill night.

Out of everyone on this list, I feel like she’ll be the easiest to convince to get a pet. She skips the “well, who is gonna pay for food?” talk and doesn’t spend any too much time deliberating over her busy hero schedule - just jumps right on in to the nearest adoption agency.

Congrats, you’re now parents of an adorable, slightly grumpy rescue cat. Which - bonus - actually makes it so much easier keeping track of Toru because it’s almost always brushing against her legs or on her lap.

The not so great...

Definitely the nosy roommates. She wants to know all the details about your life and is the type to peak into your room because she's curious. Her Quirk only makes all the easier for her.

She likes to leave cute or funny messages on the fogged up bathroom mirror or with magnets on the fridge which is cute but...unnerving when an invisible being sends you random messages in your apartment.

....and according to the wiki, she loves hidden-camera prank shows? Welcome to Jackass, roomie. You’re gonna get pranked.

Also because of her Quirk, she often has to remove her clothes to make full use of her invisibility but this has also lead to a bad habit of leaving articles of clothing throughout the apartment. You often find random socks and gloves and even shirts out throughout the apartment.

Tsuyu Asui

A+ roomie. Seriously, give this girl all a gold star.

Super tidy, super considerate, and super stoked to live with you. She’s used to a full house and honestly wasn’t so sure about living on her own straight after graduation. Then came you!

Tsuyu looooves to cook with you. If your cooking skills need work, she’ll happily teach you. Out of everyone else on this list, you share the most meals together. 

Soooo many blankets and pillows in your apartment! Tsu needs the extra layers during winter and honestly, just build a blanket fort for you two. It’s great. just roommates huh?

Absolutely will text you just to check in if she makes it home before you and has no problem either waiting up for you or even walking to meet if it’s dark. And honestly, what’s better than 

Being super straightforward, Tsuyu always lets you know if there’s something up with the apartment or just if she’d like you to be a little quieter coming home. Also an observant person and checks in on your needs/preferences as well. Y’all rarely have any typical roommate spats because she’s direct and makes sure to communicate.

We stan a sweet, considerate frog roommate in this household.

The not so great...

Because she grew up taking care of two younger siblings and then lived with the entire 1-A class (19 teenagers in one building -- that's insane) in the dorms, Tsuyu actually has little tolerance for messes in common spaces. 

Tsuya Asui ain’t your momma. You're both adults and you both pay rent, so she expects you clean up after yourself and will call you out if you don't.

Especially about those dishes left in the sink. You can say that you just left the pots in there "to soak", but Tsuyu ain't buying it. And she tells you as much.

Not above shaming your messes on her Snap story i’m that petty roommate or bringing up that you forgot to take out the trash in front of other people.

Kyouka Jirou

She's the cool roommate. By that, I mean the one you’re lowkey bragging about when you describe her to your friends. Girl is a hero, plays pretty much every instrument, and is just a cool person in general. It’s hard not to brag.

Seriously, just her mere presence alone makes your place at least 70% cooler than it would have been if you lived by yourself. That’s how cool she is.

Super respectful of your privacy. Like, she won’t even know what your room actually looks like unless you actually invite her in.

Great roommate banter. Kyouka has a great dry sense of humor and likes to tease people, so you two can go back and forth all day.

Great texter. She always gives you a heads up when people are over or if you guys need anything for the apartment. Bonus: lots of hilarious pics of Bakusquad being idiots.

Don't tell her that you can hear her when she sings in the shower; it'd just fluster her and make her self-conscious. But being able to listen to that amazing voice in your own home?👌👌👌

If you're someone who doesn't necessarily need or even want a tight knit relationship with a roommate, Kyouka is your best bet. She's generally really chill and won't get hyped over being best friends. 

That said, she’s a pretty empathetic person and easy to talk to. She’ll absolutely stay up late with you just to talk if you need it. Gives great advice.

The not so great...

You will lose track over how many times you ask her to turn the music down. 

Like Mina, Kyouka comes as a package deal with the Bakusquad. Kyouka doesn’t invite them over often because even she doesn’t want that chaos in her home but sometimes it’s inevitable.

She’s not much of a cook. Plus she’s pretty busy keeping up with her hero career, music, and group of friends, so she doesn’t have much free time anyway. This means she orders out - a lot. Good news? Hardly any friction over cleaning dishes. Bad news? Her take out boxes leave little room in the fridge for your food.

BONUS: Regardless of who you room with, you’ll hardly ever worry about a break-in or any crime in your neighborhood because your roommate is a professional hero and will kick any home intruder stupid enough to try anything.

[java-induced-daymares]

I feel like you get a different perspective when you were the 'mistake'. The 'oh my God she's only fifteen', baby. My mom was the preacher's daughter, and very eighties. I'm the preacher's granddaughter, and extremely nineties. My mom is more like my sister-friend, while my five year junior sister tells everyone I practically raised her. I just feel responsible for everyone. For everything. I was the tester baby. The starter grandchild. Everything I did wrong, it was the worst, most unexpected thing. I paved the way for all the shrugs and acceptance every sibling and other grandkid had doled out practically for free. And got slammed with all the guilt and the shunning.

To be fair I was quite rebellious. I smoked, drank, experimented with drugs. Skipped class, and barely passed high school despite aceing every test and final they threw at me. Scored a solid 29 on the ACT, didn't even study. In fact, I left half the math portion blank. I hate math. I frustrated my parents to wits end. I had all the potential, none of the ambition. I wanted to smoke pot, write whatever popped in my head and just make enough money to get by. So in idealistic youth I flipped the bird to college tuition debt in favor of entering the work force.

Somehow along the line I ended up thirty years old as a entry level temp at a factory. The disappointing burnout my parents painted me to be. My mom once threatened to paint that word on my bedroom wall, to call me out so to speak. She wasn't impressed when I encouraged her to. Between mom and me, it's all emotions. I know her as well as best friends do. Like...all of it. Sex life. Financial strife. The works. It's sort of like you don't realize your mom discussing your dad's porn addiction with you when your thirteen is out of line until you grow up. And meet her meth head boyfriend at age twenty four.

He threatens to rape and kill you both but good old mom won't kick him out because she loves him. Not when he starts stealing everything in sight to sell for drugs. Not when he kidnaps her for a few days over Thanksgiving and meths out in a paranoid freakout keeping her in the hotel and not letting her leave. Or when he choked her until she was unconscious. Or raped her so loud you could hear her scream but she denied it and her screams are so frequent that you're learning to tune them out and that disturbs you on every level. Not even when he hits you, right in front of her, the first time and she yells at you for fighting back. Or when she chases your little sister into another state to live with a internet boyfriend who no one but she has met because Ducky fears living in that house more than living with strangers.

My sister was only nineteen. The week before she left my mom called her a selfish bitch for not supporting her relationship. I stood between them, outraged, explaining to my mother that she shouldn't call her child a bitch for being scared. When the meth head finally leaves, having drained a cool 20k from my mom's retirement fund in meth and tools and a Harley ect... my mom claims all these memories are a blur. In her world she is the ultimate victim, and she even blames me for standing by and letting it all happen. My brother, who showed up two months before I finally convinced my mother to get the eviction notice she needed to get the meth head out, gets all the credit for his absence.

He showed up, did meth and herione with the boyfriend and ignored my mom. She still ran to my room, daily, begging and pleading for me and my fiances protection. Some days we would wake up to her huddled by our bed, crying silently, because my fiance was the only thing this asshole feared. Because Heinzy certainly didn't stand by when she or I was threatened or hit. But he wasn't always there. And his probation kept him from throwing a first punch.

Still, my brother, who dodged all the previous months of abuse by disowning her for cheating on her husband with this guy. My brother was living in South Dakota, and calling her a bitch and a whore until he needed a bail out and suddenly he's Mama's little boy again. He gets the title of hero. Savior. Showing up last second and fucking everything up, and being loved for it. That's my brothers modis operandi. And he can't even spell those words.

People flinch when I call my mom a crazy bitch. Glad for them, in their Hallmark homes. Judging me. I still love the woman to death. Would kill for her. Suffered untold horrors just to keep her safe. Yet I can't help but feel this loyalty is a bit one sided. All things considered. And besides. Bitches be crazy.

My dad is her polar opposite. I get my cynical, mean sense of humor from him. I call him a passive aggressive teddy bear. And I feel two sides of my dad. First there's the guy that worked twenty two hours a day to support his family. No, that's not a exaggeration. And shit jobs too. Barely making it, piss on you, fast food, menial shit. It's hard not to respect that. Plus he's never touched or condoned so much as a cigarette or more than two beers that I've ever seen. Getting the shit beat out of you by a druggie alcoholic does that to you. Once, Grandpa "Buddy" even used a horse whip to beat him. Him and grandma talked about the two years they did speed at a Chili's dinner.

But they're rich as hell. Or they were. So it didn't matter. Still doesn't, as far as their putrid minds are concerned. Buy I'm off topic. His evil as fuck adoptive parents aside... My dad's not too bad. He taught me to write DOS code when I was six. How to write a household budget in Microsoft Excel when I was twelve. How to set up a wireless network for a entire office when I was sixteen. Basically he prepared me for the real world. And all it's shitty points. And probably saved me some pain for the effort.

For example, dad tip 101: Don't lend out money and expect or need it back. Only lend what you can afford and be surprised if it's ever repaid. Good tip. Seriously. When I flunked classes and needed summer school, he made me get a job and pay it back. I hated him for it. But after I worked off over a grand in summer school debt at a Chinese hole in the wall restaurant with no working AC, I understood what a dollar was worth. Hence no slavery bond. I mean, as you call them, student loans. Been there. Done that.

But then there's the other side of him. The side that never really wanted kids. The side that accused me of knowing my mom cheated when I actually didn't. My next door neighbor, a herione addict who tagged along on my mom's Easter visit to my brother did. He was there as she stopped, both on the way to and the way from, to fuck the meth head. He didn't tell me. I woke up to my sister alone in the living room crying. Because she had never seen my dad cry before. Neither have I. The only time in known history and I missed it. Poor Ducky, she saw it all.

Sometimes I wish I could erase it all. The Divorce. It happened when I was twenty four, and I thought my parents had fallen into the age old 'i hate you but I'll be with you forever trap'. The fact that they both remarried a year after divorce proves I was either naively hopeful or utterly delusional. Considering the fact that I knew they made each other utterly miserable I have to side with the latter. I just wanted to believe they loved each other in secret. Hell, thanks to my mom I knew they fucked three times a week. I thought that meant something.

Maybe that's why I think sex is pretty meaningless and too important all at once. First off. I won't fuck anyone unless I really want to. Second off. I've only fucked one guy. It wasn't intentional, the one guy thing, it's just the first guy who earned my trust was the first guy I let have me and I fell in love and ten years later he's still never betrayed me. Ever. And he makes me feel like a kid. And we fight. And I hate him sometimes but we never go to bed angry. And I have no kids. I won't be my mother. I don't want her mistakes. I'm creating my own whole new ones. It's both my privledge and my goal to defy everyone's expectations of me, even to my own detriment.

Everyone thinks I aimed low. He even says stupid stuff like how he thinks I'll leave him for someone else. Sometimes. And maybe my mom helped that paranoia along. You see, pre meth head boyfriend divorce, I was pretty found of telling people my mom and I were best friends and so alike. Post fallout, those words came back to haunt me in a big way. I supported her when EVERYONE turned away. Her father. My siblings. They all said she deserved the meth head. They didn't get it. If I left her alone he was going to kill her. Literally. And they turned on me for 'supporting her behavior'.

Go fuck yourselves. I couldn't speak to you all in the moment, and afterward everyone wanted to brush this shit under the rug. But damn it. It fucking scared me. Excuse the fuck out of me for panicking. I was twenty four, sure, a adult by all measures and standards. People don't pity adults. My dad taught me that. Figure shit out and handle it. So I did. And I took zero credit. Letting my mom crown my brother king of all the land, her savior. So in the end I was nothing.

And I didn't say shit. Let my extended family think what they liked. Not in that exact intention. In my head I was like, this.famiky situation is so fucked and so nasty I couldn't bear to tell them. And that left me awkwardly over formal in responses. I should have guessed no one else in my family was that shy. They told all...of their bullshit. And I know that sounds so one sided.

If I were you, I wouldn't trust my perspective on the matter either. After all, perception is defined by experience, and my experience is sure to lead me to be self serving and exploitative. I don't pretend otherwise. This is simply how it felt to me. As I received notices from my pastor grandfather telling me I was living in sin because I hadn't married or gone to church regularly. First off. YOUR only daughter had three kids out of wedlock by three different men. Totally beating the odds here. Thanks. Secondly, and yes I said this, bet your ass I did, I have only had sex with one guy and I promised God he was the one. Law is not religion. All a wedding is, technically, is a profession of exclusivity with your partner before God. I did that. Proved it for ten years. Living in sin? How so? By what biblical standard? Handfasting was a accepted marriage ceremony, Heinzy and I have declared devotion before each other and all else hands held before. It counts. So what is I don't have the legal document? Judge not least ye be judged and all that.

As for church. Ah the constructrial artifice of faith devoid of all passion. Going to church with my grandparents is different. There's something about my grandpa being a pastor, people instantly recognize it and respond to it. I have never, not once, stood in church with my grandpa and not had ten people know someone he knew from congregation or teaching job (he was a private school teacher and even principal too). He doesn't get what it's like, poor as fuck, to show up for service and be mocked by so called Christians. How I disdain their fake pandering. I love God. His houses are often beautiful, the scent of fresh wood and the art of stained glass. But the people inside are ugly and don't reflect Him at all. They just want to puff up their own self worth and indulgence and I hate them for it. But maybe that's just Illinois Lutherans for you.

They ruined church for me. Haven't been since I was in my twenties and I turned thirty two whole weeks ago.

[georgies-boat]

Derry, The Hellhole We Call Home // Bill Denbrough

Word Count: 1036

Summary- You’ve had enough of everything and breakdown, and Bill comforts you.

Warnings; I’m gonna stop putting ‘Swears’ as a warning because let’s face it, almost every scene in the movie have a swear word.

A/n; Working on a part 2 for ‘Guilt’, but wanted to post this before I forgot!

Requested; Yes!

req; Can you do a reader insert with Bill Denbrough where they are neighbors and good friends and he has a crush on her but one night he sees the porch light on and she's out there sitting on her porch like freaking out because she has a little sibling and she doesn't want to lose them. And then Bill comes over and just sits with her and cheers her up can you make it super fluffy. Thanks!

-

You hated this town. Derry, Maine. You were born and raised. Still, you absolutely loathed it. That was before all the disappearances started. Your best friend was one of the first missing; Betty Ripsom. Now, you wanted nothing more than to pack your bags, grab your little sister and run, far, far away from the hellhole you called home.

Ever since your neighbour, Georgie Denbrough, went missing, you couldn’t help but fear the worst for your sister. She meant everything to you; sure, you two fought, most siblings did, but you knew you’d give your life up for her in a heartbeat. After your dad passed, your mom had shut you both out, and you were left to take care of her. You took the job seriously.

Tonight, however, was different. You’d faced a near-death experience with IT. You didn’t know much about what was going on in town, but you’d got a warning a few days ago from one of your very few friends, who happens to also be Georgie’s brother. He told you to “W-Watch o-out for t-the c-clown.” At the time, it made absolutely no sense to you, but now, you understood.

You tucked your sister into bed, kissing her forehead gently and wishing her a good night's sleep. You shut off the light, leaving on her lamp and closing the door behind her. Sighing, you leaned back against the door. The air felt heavy, so you decided to go outside, get some fresh air. You knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep, anyways.

Stepping outside, you turned on the porchlight, and closed the door to your house. You sat on the little hanging swing on the porch, leaning back. Everything slowly sunk in, the fact that you almost died earlier, that your sister could die at any given moment, that you were stuck in this town, everything felt like too much, and next thing you knew, you were crying.

Bill, who was in his room, laying awake, saw the light of his neighbour’s porch light illuminate his room through the open window. He looked at the clock, it wasn’t that late, but it wasn’t any time for anyone to be awake. Especially in that household; Bill knew Y/N’s family, her mother never left the house, and her sister should be asleep.

He stood up, peering out the window. He saw your shaking frame, sitting back against the swing. He could see tears running down your face, and instantly thought of the worse. He ran out of his bedroom, down the stairs and out the door. In his pajamas. He didn’t care at the moment. He kept running until he got to your porch, where you looked up, startled.

“Bill?” You sniffled, confused. “What are you doing here?” “I-I-I saw your l-light on. It’s late, y-y-you k-know.” He said, looking down, now embarrassed. “Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.” You said, wiping your tears. You hated crying in front of people; hence why you were outside. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.” “N-no. I-It’s o-okay, I was al-already aw-wake.” He said, smiling reassuringly.

You looked down, hiding your face behind your hair. Bill hesitated, before reaching forward and tucking the loose strand behind your ear. You looked up at him, slightly confused. “A-Are y-you okay?” He asked, quietly. You wanted to say no, tell him to go home, to sleep, but you needed someone. Bill was your friend, you could trust him. Taking a deep breath, you looked away.

“I’m just sick of this town! First my mom shuts me out, my best friend goes missing, we have a fucking demon clown trying to feed off of our fears and kill us all, Georgie’s gone, no one safe, Bowers is mean as ever, nothing is okay!” You said, angrily. You had to refrain yourself from yelling, but you had hot tears trailing down your cheeks. You saw Bill’s shocked face, your mood shifted, and you sighed.

“I’m scared, Billie.” You whispered, your voice barely audible. “I’m scared for me, you, our friends, this entire town, and..” You hesitated, remembering Georgie, and not wanting to upset Bill. “Your sister.” Bill finished, sadly. You nodded, the tears beginning to make their way down your cheeks once again. Bill sighed, gently pulling you into a hug. You sobbed into his shoulder, muffling the noise into his pajama shirt.

“Shh. I-It’s okay, Y-Y/N.” He said, soothingly. “I-I’m scared t-too, we all a-are.” He said, pulling back to look you in the eye. “I won’t let it get you or your sister. I know what it’s like to lose your sibling, and I’m not letting you go through that. I promise.” He said, and you were surprised that he didn’t stutter. You nodded. Bill was the one person you could always rely on.

With a sudden rush of courage, which you had no idea from where it came, you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his. He froze, shocked, but melted into it and kissed you back. You pulled away, looking at up at his eyes through your eyelashes. “Thanks, Billie. I really appreciate it.” You said, smiling.  “A-Anytime, Y/N.” Bill stuttered, cheeks flushed. You both giggled, and you looked at your watch.

“We should probably both get home and get some sleep.” You said, frowning slightly. “Y-yeah. I-It’ll be okay, Y-Y/N.” He said, grabbing your hand and giving it a quick squeeze. You smiled at him, squeezing his hand back. “Goodnight, Bill.” You said, standing up and walking to the door, opening it, and turning to face him once inside. “Goodnight, Y/N.” He said, waving and walking back to his house.

Smiling like an idiot, you flicked off the porch light, and closed the door, leaning against it. You never really thought of Bill Denbrough like that, but wow, that kiss felt good. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face as you ascended the stairs to your room. As you laid in bed, you couldn’t help but feel much better about your shitty town, because now, you didn’t feel as alone. Bill was there for you, and for once you fell asleep, feeling safe, in the hellhole everyone knew as Derry, Maine.

[toadallybpd]

(P2) has happened a lot less frequently in the last year. I'm not really sure why that is, but recently I've been suspecting she has bpd (the same for me too), especially as we'd have a huge fight (as I just described) and then she'd apologise and say she loved me, and then get angry all over again within a few hours. But Ik my mum does love me and do a lot and worry a lot for me. I'm not sure, sorry if this was long

(Sorry if this is longer than you anticipated lol I do that a lot)I think this could be emotional abuse. It sounds like it's a very inconsistent. The punishment and arguments are probably very passive aggressive and unstable so how your mother reacts to your behavior one day can be completely different the next for the same behavior. If she is accusing you of faking your mental illness(es) that can really make you feel invalidated and feel shitty about yourself.thehealthyplace.com says that emotional abuse can be defined as "any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth."And on teach-through-love.com, it states there are 6 types of emotional abuse:》The first form is Rejecting which is basically where they caregiver makes the child feel as though he or she is unwanted (whether the parent consciously or subconsciously made the child feel this way)Examples:  - harsh criticism, belittling, labelingname-calling - yelling, screaming or swearing at children - humiliation or demeaning jokes teasing about child's mental capabilities or physical appearance - refusing love, attention and touch - physical or emotional abandonment - shunning the child from the family altogether - kicking teens out of the home - locking kids out of the home to discipline or punish》The second form of emotional abuse is called Ignoring. This is when the caregiver doesn't respond or react to the child in any way.Examples: - inconsistent or no response to a child's invitations to connect  - failure to attend to an infants physical, social or emotional needs - refusing to acknowledge a child's interests, activities, schooling, peers, etc. - abandonment or refusing to acknowledge child as your own - denying medical or health care, and safe, clean environments - inability or failure to engage a child emotionally or protect a child from harm 》The third form is known as Terrorizing. Which is when parents/caregivers install fear into a childExamples: - excessive teasing, screaming, cursing, raging at a child - threatening or intimidating behaviors - scaring a child or others in front of a child - unpredictable, unreasonable or extreme reactions - verbal threats to harm the child, self or others - hostility among family members  - inconsistent or unreasonable demands placed on a child - ridiculing or humiliating a child in front of others - threatening to reveal personal or embarrassing information 》The fourth type of emotional abuse is Isolating. Isolating is when a parent over-secludes the child.Examples: - leaving a child alone or unattended for long periods of time - not permitting a child to interact with other children or maintain friendships - keeping a child from appropriate social and emotional stimulation - requiring a child stay indoors/in their room or away from peers - keeping a child from playing with friends and activities s/he enjoys - not permitting a child to participate in social activities, parties or group/family events  - excessive or extreme punishment for typical childhood behaviors - encouraging a child to reject friends or social contact/invitations》The fifth kind of emotional abuse is Corrupting which is when the parent/caregiver promotes their child to engage in illegal or inappropriate behaviors.Examples: - encouraging or rewarding unethical or illegal behavior (drugs, stealing, cheating, lying, bullying) - promoting or rewarding promiscuity - giving a child or using in the presence of a child: drugs, alcohol and other illegal substances - allowing or encouraging children to engage in behavior that is harmful to the self or others.》And the sixth type is called Exploiting. This is when the caregiver/parent forces a child to complete tasks which are inappropriate for their age and outside of their abilities.Examples: - having expectations beyond the developmental stage of the child   - forcing a child to participate in unwanted activities without just cause - requiring a child to care for a parent or siblings without regard for the child's age or ability - using blame, shame, judgment or guilt to condemn child for behavior of others (parents/peers/siblings) - unreasonable expectations to perform chores or household duties - exposing a child to sexually abusive or inappropriate contentIf your parent does 1-2 of these things, depending on the severity, they aren't necessarily emotionally abusive, but if you find your parent exhibiting many of these examples, they are more than likely emotionally abusive.(Sorry if it's long, hope this answered your question)