#that wasn't anyone's fault really they didn't know how far off their page i was

[faithfromanewperspective]

after spending far too long crying about how my family doesn't accept me for it (which isn't quite fair, they don't know how important it is to me because I didn't tell them) I've decided that this is a big real part of me and may well be part of my calling, my identity etc given how close to my heart it is

I want to provide homes and I want to create communities. I want to care for people in said communities and have them do the same for me. I don't want to just pay it lip service. I've worked my entire life to figure out how to do this well: environmentally sustainable urban design, trauma-informed interactions, centring diversity including disability, the value of authenticity in connection, unlearning amatonormativity and cishetnormativity and the nuclear family and instead brainstorming based around what works best for each individual and us as a collective group.

personally, I don't give a fuck if people think I want to help people who don't deserve it. if I can manage it and it makes me happy that's better than just about anything else. if they care about me they'll listen when I say that I don't enjoy what are supposed to be pleasures when I feel like they're distracting me from connecting with people the way that I want to. but I also have to be realistic: I can barely take care of myself now, I can't be a saviour, but I can be a catalyst toward something magical. I can't do it alone, but how can I find people who want to do it with me if no one knows how central this is to who i am?

[evermorebarbie]

Yall are delusional if you think Nesta is going to leave Cassian or the night court. First, they are mated. Not just mates. Mated. They accepted the bond, and SJM loves her Heas. It's a done deal. So either keep reading and deal with it or drop the series and find something you enjoy. Not to mention if they even could break the bond, how empty and broken Nesta would be for eternity. You really want that for her?

HOFAS happened three months after acosf. There's still alot of healing on Nesta’s part. Just because she saved Rhys, Feyre, and Nyx doesn't mean things are swept under the rug with them. Her and Cassian are both fiery and stubborn. They are going to have arguments. Honestly, it's perfectly normal for them to argue on occasion.

This. What Nesta did in HOFAS. Went beyond her and Cassian, beyond Rhys. This was a decision that Nesta should not have made herself. Yes I understand that she saw Bryce's desperation and understood her. She probably put herself in Bryces shoes for a moment. She took a chance. But it's a huge fucken chance because they don't know nor trust Bryce fully. And if she failed the whole of Prythian/Midgard is fucked. They have nothing to defend themselves against the weaponry Rigelus has. They will all die. Including Nesta Archeron.

Rhys had every right to scold her. And Her saying he's not her High Lord isn't accurate. She lives in his lands. Whether she wants to admit it or not. If any of the courts got wind of what was happening with Bryce or that Nesta gave this mask up to a stranger from another world do you know who would be faulted? Not Nesta. Rhys and Feyre would. They would suffer the consequences because Nesta falls under their lands. Their rule.

And now Cassian, who apparently had never defended Nesta once. Again. Nesta was In. The. Wrong. Her actions were beneficial and understandable but wrong. Cassian being upset and disappointed in her would absolutely make sense. Think of times in TOG, when Rowan wasn't happy with Aelin. He stood there silent until they were alone. That's more than likely what happened. Cassian didn't say his piece until everyone left. It's an argument between Nesta and Cassian and no one else.

That argument. The one that happened off page yet everyone wants to fucking crucify Cassian over cause you think you know what he said. When in reality you don't. Is wild. Three months ago, when she was with Emerie and Gwyn, they were taken and placed in the Blood Rite where he was helpless in going to her. He lost her briefly in the bog, watched her put her life at risk. How many times in acosf? He went a year or so watching Nesta absolutely ruin herself, had her lay over his body in front of Hybern, almost losing her, them, then too. Now, someone, a stranger and someone potentially dangerous, opened a portal in his living room where his mate was. And he wasn't there. All that trauma and ptsd he keeps on lock was blown wide open.

So now Cassian is a storm of emotions when he arrives home. Probably arrived mid argument between Nesta and Rhys, and the entire flight was given brief details of what's happening fueling his emotions. His fear, trauma, concern, disappointment, and anger. When Rhys leaves, Cassian and Nesta got into it. Sure he was pissed about the mask anyone would be. I would be. I personally think it goes on beyond that. Far beyond it. Nesta’s life, once again, was put a risk and no one knew what Bryce wanted. Cassian’s worst fear when the portal was open, was Bryce taking Nesta and never seeing her again. All that came out in their fight.

As readers, we know Bryce's intentions are good. They as characters who haven't been given the best view of Bryce dont believe it. Yes, I do think there needs to be more trust in Nesta. Especially where Rhys is considered. Cassian, as her mate, blowing things out of proportion is logical cause all mates have done it at some point. But yeah he needs to trust her a bit more too. He trusts her more than Rhys does that's for sure.

To play devil's advocate, I could be wrong on Cassian and Nesta and their fight. Absolutely. Im not Sarah. But neither are you who are wishing he dies, and Nesta leaves him over a risk that was never hers to make alone when it involves the whole world of Midgard.

If you read this entire thing and disagree. That's cool. The unfollow and block buttons are right there.

[beatrizamante]

The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction

Name: Lara "Raider" De Armas (she/her)

Personality: Sincere - Cautious - Friendly - Optimistic - Merciful - Shy 

Traits: Head - Independent - Resistant - Believer

Past Affinity: Astronomy 

Primary Ability: Extra Sensory Awareness 

Past Susceptibility: Healing

Job (if mentioned): Astrophysicist / Physics Researcher

Social Dynamics (for both books, so far): 

Bee

It was another "Winescope" Saturday night. That was the nickname Lara gave to the Saturday nights she'd call Bee, alongside her friends from the Observatory's Lab, and they'd discuss silly things, tell funny stories from the workplace while "getting alcoholed up" with good wine. She'd always invite Bee with the biggest hug and the hugest smile on her face. 

She was still flush from laughing about some silly story when the mail came in. Somehow, something was different. She read the mail with the same efficiency and calm she'd do with a particularly difficult academic book. The bright smile on her face died slowly. The flush gave away to a pale tanned face. There was a distant look in her eyes.

Later that day, when she apologized to her friends and said an emergency occurred, Bee stood there. They wouldn't leave her without understanding and supporting their friend. Lara would always tell them they are the sweetest person in this world. 

She explained the content of the letter, trying to give a very fragile smile to sooth them from any worries. 

And now, after they came to help her with her load and everything happened, she'll take their load off of them. 

She'll protect Bee with her life. And she dares anyone to try and hurt them. She shouldn't put them in this position in the first place. It's her fault. 

It always is. 

I'm sorry, Bee. You are an amazing person. 

if(tentative_ro = "Beckett") {

You're my best friend. I won't jeopardize that. 

But know that you are loved. 

}

S. Dorran 

It was weird seeing S again, after such a long time. Lara has vague memories from her childhood. Maybe too much information can do that to one's mind, alongside trauma. 

But Lara does remember fondly of their reading nights at Turn the Page. And she'd always smile when S spoke up their opinions in class. It's something she really admired about them. 

Even with their taciturness, she'd always love to talk with them about any subject. They were always filled with wonder on how things worked, just as she was. 

That didn't change. They are the same quiet, extremely smart person she remembers. And she still can talk about any subject with them and just have fun talking. 

She hopes they like her as much as she adores them. 

Thank you for looking out for Pa. I don't know how I'll ever repay you, S. 

if(tentative_ro = "Silas") {

What is this? Why do I want your company so much? This is normal right? RIGHT?? 

Don't look at his lips, Lara! 

}

R. Verner 

Lara could never understand exactly why R took an interest in her. They were an heir, and she wasn't a competitive child by any means. But the competitions were really fun, and something she looked forward to. 

Funny that they didn't know how to react when she proposed a hug challenge. Huh. She'd study that reaction later on. If R wanted to call her a "rival", she didn't mind. 

But she did call them her friend. She was really shy during the debates, though. R could have some sense and try not to mess with her so much. But she adored that in them too.  

It was interesting seeing them again. They said they've waited for her? They seem so much more patient with her now. She'll never be able to figure them out completely, will she? Lara hopes R didn't felt so alone as they look now, behind all the teasing smiles.

She can't pick everything apart in the lab to try and understand them, not with people she cares about. 

I'm sorry for leaving in such a difficult time, R. And I'm sorry you got hurt. I'll hunt down whoever did this, so they'll never have a chance to do it again. 

if(tentative_ro = "Reese") { 

Oh... Oh... OH...! Was that a "date"? Nonononono, my biggest love is the lab. My biggest love is the lab... his eyes are so blue and - LABLABLAB }  

J. Corvin 

JJJ, Lara missed you so much! So much. She missed all their nights reading comics and days just enjoying each other's company. Her memories from bike rides around lakes, of them cooking together with their mother or just basking in the sun eating oranges are so soft. 

She missed their quiet company that would come alive whenever she was near. They were there with her when she discovered her passion for the stars. They learned to use a telescope together, and they would do Math marathons to learn more about charting while hiding under blanket forts.

She'd always pester them about everything going on her mind. And she insisted that they got the puzzle chrome part first, but they'd always put her first. 

Something changed. There's something so guarded and angry about their posture now. Detective work must be so heavy on them. She wishes she could help ease their burden.

There are still softness in their eyes when they meet hers. But also there's a distance that she can't fix. 

She can't fix everything. That much is clear. But it hurts. They never got her letters. That's why they have this cold anger whenever Pa is mentioned? 

She should have tried harder. It haunts her the image of J following Pa's truck. Lara tried to reach out, but her hands only met glass. 

if(tentative_ro = "James")  {

This crush is old. Very very old. I'm not someone that has crushes anymore. So, ignore it, Lara. Don't look at his shoulders, or how his hands could - 

I SAID DON'T LOOK.  

}

Mal 

Oh, who is this? Did Lara meet him before? She doesn't remember him from her childhood memories. But then again, her memories are... off... 

What is this man? He knows so much, behind those enigmatic eyes. Why does she feel naturally pulled towards him? Lara doesn't understand... But she likes that he's kind. Even if it must hurt to smile like that all the time. 

She wants to understand. He looks like so much more, a real... puzzle. She loves puzzles. 

He does seem to enjoy giving her little jumpscares, because she is always jumping whenever he appears. Was very kind of him to bring her some tea after the forest search. It was a taxing night. 

And he has a very interesting nickname! Curious... what an observing and unnerving man. Charmer, huh?

Let me in, I can help you if you wish so, Mal. 

if(Mal_Romance = true) {

He looks really good. Haven't I noticed it before? Not that I usually do, but... Wait, why am I looking? It's disrespectful!! 

He has a very beautiful smile when he's genuine, I wonder what would be if I ki-

PositivethoughtsPositivethoughtsPositivethoughtsPositivethoughts... WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS? AHHHH 

}

Annnd I did a playlist for her. Yeah, I feel in an RPG rn.

About the Game and Lara herself:

First of all, I'd like to say a big thanks for @lacunafiction for this wonderful story. I'd give 139823274763254 positive reviews in every available platform because this story is awesome, eerie as hell, mysterious and romantic too. 

If you guys have any interest in an amazing IF, I'd recommend Fernweh saga. I might be a little addicted right now and I did intend to start using this blog for something, so this something is going to be to recommend wonderful IFs <3 

You can find the first book alongside the Patreon in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/lacunafiction/705620629743976448/some-homecomings-feel-more-like-rude-awakenings?source=share

Much love for this amazing author (*whispers* marry me, Aelsa) <3 

Second, I'll gush a little about my little poor meow meow of a Dodo. 

I just love how personalities are well written in this game , and that is what made me write this wall of text in the first place. The narrative is very fact-based, and something that I really loved, so I decided to make my MC a Head-oriented person with a science job, very unaware of her own emotions, but very observant and caring about others. 

It's a nice juxtaposition for me. 

Someone that is fiercely independent (believes the "teamwork makes the dream work!", tho), but is very shy and sweet. 

Someone that is very head oriented, relies heavily on facts, but is incredibly friendly -a Dodo- (I love that in book 2 you have more joking options that are not so based in snark. Don't get me wrong, I love snarky humor and is greatly written here, but somehow the "... A metal mistress?" gets me every time <3) 

Someone that is highly cautious, but oh boy, she is resistant as hell. She'll NOT bow down to anyone (except her Uni professors) and she'll face any fears head on. Whoever dares to hurt her or the people she loves will get hunted. But in a cold and calculating way.

I loved the Extrasensory Awareness, and it's even better that it is an *instinct*. Again, for someone who heavily relies on facts, it's funny to me. "Why do I feel like this????" 

I didn't give Lara abandonment issues because she believed that her Grampa was trying to not lose her too. Even if in a very unhealthy way. She did fill her life with science and stars, building it up around the profession she fell in love with when a child. All thanks to J. It's a string that links her to her past. But she thinks that's all she can bring to the world. And she fear how coldly she can assess things, how unattached she can be with her own emotions when she is under pressure..     

She's a moderate believer. Well, she couldn't exactly discount the walking tree, when it was walking right in front of her. That, my friend, is a fact. 

Guilty gnaws at her. She feels guilty for bringing Bee here. She feels guilty for leaving J and R. Guilty over S being so perturbed about the city borders. Guilty about her whole family, who had to suffer such horrific deaths while she still walks this world. That's why she fills her life with her job. A starry sky is a graveyard of stars, is it not? Maybe they are watching over her. 

And she is angry. Oh boy, she is livid. Who the fuck thinks they can do whatever they want with the people she loves? No one can mold her into a clay sculpture and expect her to just cave. She built her life mostly alone, and she'll not have that.  

And overall, it's just very interesting to me to see Lara, a nerd, lab addicted scientist, who is deadly curious to understand everything in this world to be in this eerie place filled with mysteries and people she adores, falling in love for the first time and NOT KNOWING HOW TO COPE WITH IT.  

She'll be the only MC that I'll play in this game because I really loved her personality. But if I had to choose a main RO, possibly it would be Mal because of the scientist X mystery idea. I chose all 5 of them, tho. MUAHAHHAA 

And well, she is based on Lara Croft, as is abundantly clear. She is a very intelligent and curious woman, who goes to great lengths to discover mysteries and is very protective of the people she cares about (Jonah <3). This one, tho, is way softer than Croft <3  Aah a pin for her in Pinterest <3 https://br.pinterest.com/badgirlcs/lara-raider-de-armas/

[caliburn-the-sword]

AUSTRALIA HAS FERAL CAMELS??

no hate at all, just w h y?? what about this question is so embarrassing that you gotta be anonymous?? also i don't remember ever mentioning we have camels on this page so i love how you just consult your friendly neighbourhood aussie instead of like. google FKSDHFHKS. i was about to go "omg how DARE you just assume i'm from the outback and just know these things i'm literally a city rat" and realised that i DID in fact know these things because of school LMAO (astronomically rare aus high school curriculum W for not glossing over the history of poc in this country). i don't normally do this but that question was so random and shocking that i just HAVE to dive into this lmao just don't expect this to become a regular thing

okay, i wouldn't know about FERAL camels, but i do know about camels. south asian and middle eastern cameleers are the unsung heroes of australia fr, so time for a crash course in history with me <3

now, australia is REALLY fucking big right?? we're only a bit smaller than mainland usa. and like a WHOLE lot of australia is desert, which the useless brit colonisers couldn't traverse if their lives DEPENDED on it (both figuratively and literally; many died) but travel across states and exploration was becoming increasingly necessary. now part of this reason is that horses are Not built for the outback. but you know what IS built for desert?? camels. and who has both access to both camels and an ability to traverse desert?? south asian and middle eastern people.

so between the 18 hundreds and 1920s (you'll have to forgive me for a lack of specifics because it's been 3 years since i've last taken modern history) australia started letting in cameleers predominantly muslim from india and pakistan. these amazing people were the absolute BACKBONE of exploration, transporting goods and stuff between cities and all that. they also established the firsts mosques in australia!!

the need for cameleers pretty much stopped in the 1920s. most cameleers couldn't remain in australia because of the white australia policy, which basically barred immigration of anyone who wasn't a WASP. they were forced back to their old countries, and released their camels into the outback since they couldn't be brought back.

now i think feral camels DOES ring a bell from what i studied of robyn davidson in eng adv. the camels descended from the cameleers' camels are the feral ones in the outback. she was the first woman to cross the desert back in the 70s. check out her autobiography tracks. the only thing i really remember from it was her having to shoot and kill feral camels to survive, but not because it's poorly written, just because i have to read a LOT for eng LMAO. my entire class was actually really invested in it.

like MANY animals introduced to australia, camels are actually NOT good for the environment. very harsh on native plants and wildlife. can't go into specifics because i frankly don't know enough and i'm too lazy for google (i guess that would make two of us) but that's not the camels fault or the cameleers' fault obviously. everyone say it with me: fuck the brits.

ANYWAY this is far from extensive. as fun as it is for me to get to ramble on about history, i'm no expert, and i'd definitely recommend reading more up on it if it's of interest to you. and PLEASE don't trust me on this, i'm just a stranger on the internet. i didn't google jack shit, just went purely off memory. fact check me. don't just completely absorb this blindly. or do. who am i to tell you what to do?? i'm not your mum.

this was fun!!! i really hope dear anon sees this, or if they're not following me, that it happens upon their feed by some stroke of luck

[thelokeancouncil]

Spellbound Serendipity

Incubus! Trafalgar Law x Witch! OC

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Trafalgar D. Water Law x OC

Magical world AU

Rated: M (For later sexual content)

Summary: AU: Imagine a universe where all pirates are either one of four things; A monster, A demon, A witch, or A human.

What happens when a rival coven member pranks the newest coven "The Straw Hats" by causing the spell Melodia was supposed to perform for initiation to go horribly wrong?

Chapter 1: The mistake

It wasn't fair. Out of all the pranks that could be played on her by the Clown coven, why did it have to be something so damn serious? 

Melodia had been so excited. This year was finally the year that both her and her twin brother Luffy would be able to get their familiars and form their own coven at the Grand line school of magic. They already had their group of friends who all agreed to join them to create this coven. Each one was either without a coven before, or was not happy with the current one they were in. 

Of course though, someone always had to pull a foul prank on the misfits. It shouldn't surprise her all that much right? Well the thing was, she didn't expect for this prank to go so far! It almost didn't seem like just a prank anymore. To her it wasn't because now she's forever bonded to grumpy, albeit handsome looking Incubus! 

"Look, can you just stop scowling at me?" She snapped up at the hovering male demon with many tattoos. Melodia did think he was pretty handsome, she would give him that. If he wasn't one of the most dangerous kinds of demons to be attached to, then she would have been a lot more happy when he showed up from the summoning circle.

"What kind of stupid witch are you? You do know that you've bound us together for all eternity right?" He scoffed back, rolling his eyes at her. 

"How many times do I have to tell you? This wasn't my fault! Someone else in this school pranked me! I was trying to summon my familiar for the initiation ceremony and you came out of the summoning circle" Melodia shot back and glared up at the demon. She then sat back in her chair and waited still for the school's council of elders to call her in. 

Melodia hoped that with them being some of the most powerful witches and wizards in the world, they could find a way to undo her current predicament. She closed her eyes and did her best to hold back her tears. She was at least happy that Luffy's initiation spell had gone correctly. His familiar ended up being exactly what she thought it would be, a Monkey. She was so proud of him and she knew their older brother Ace was probably proud of him too. 

Then this happened to her. She was standing on stage in front of her summoning master, Red Haired Shanks. She concentrated with all of her might to summon her familiar, but instead got this Incubus. Familiar's usually took on the form of a favorite animal or magical creatures of the person summoning it. It was very rare for anyone to get a demon and usually if they did, said demon would only be an imp. Not a full blooded Incubus! 

"Yeah well, you're pretty weak for letting someone push you around like that. I certainly wouldn't, they'd be dead meat!" The Incubus retorted, bringing Melodia back out of her thoughts. 

"Is this gonna be a constant with you because, trust me, I didn't ask for this either buddy" Melodia seethed back, this time she didn't even look at him. "Why do you think we're here huh? These elders can usually get students out of sticky situations. Hopefully if we're lucky they'll be able to undo this," Melodia added after a moment. She then turned her attention to her spell book and looked through it to see what might have gone wrong. 

As she peered into the creatures section, she couldn't find a single page about any type of demons except imps. It didn't really surprise her as most demons were off limits except to the senior students and professors. Cubi demons were usually forbidden to summon on school grounds because of how powerful they were. 

When her friends watched what had happened, they all believed her when she told them that she didn't do this. Zoro was now on a mission to hunt down evidence of who might have done this cruel thing to her. Nami believed wholeheartedly that this wasn't just a prank, but literally someone out to get Mel for some reason. 

Mel didn't want to believe that Nami could be right about someone being out to get her, but she also knew that it wasn't impossible. She just hoped that her master would be able to convince the elders that what happened during the ceremony was not her fault. 

"Yeah well… I hope I'm not bound to you either. I happened to like my freedom thank you very much. Now I can't so much as fuck anyone else without my genitals falling off" The Incubus grumbled crossing his arms over his chest. 

Melodia found herself flushing a deep shade of pink when the Incubus mentioned that. "TMI man! Geez!" She squeaked, nearly dropping her spell book.

"What it's only the truth. Because of this stupid bond, I'll never be able to have another orgy again. Do you even know anything about how my species works stupid?" The Incubus shot back glancing up and down at her curvy form. 

"I have a name ya know. Call me stupid one more time and I will deck you with this spell book," Melodia snapped, her blush draining back out of her face.

"Fine. I guess if I'm stuck to you then I guess I need to know your name. What is it Stupid?" He growled back, not even taking her challenge seriously. That was until a heavy spell book smacked him upside the head. "Ow! Hey!" He groaned, rubbing where the Spell book had hit him. 

"My name is Monkey D. Melodia, but you can call me Mel. Now then, what's your name HellSpawn?" Melodia asked, trying to hide her smirk as she wanted to laugh at him. 

He got his bearings back by the nickname she had called him. He sent another icy glare back at her. "Don't ever call me that again or I will maime you in your sleep," He threatened and then he looked down at the floor he was hovering over and let out a deep sigh. "My name is Law," He finally said after a long pause. 

Melodia then smiled for the first time since the initiation ceremony went wrong. "See, now that wasn't so hard was it?" Melodia replied, earning yet another scowl from Law. 

"Yeah whatever. Still hate you, you stupid human," He answered flatly before it went quiet between the two of them for a moment. 

The silence was interrupted by a familiar looking boy with pink hair. Melodia remembered how her brother had rescued him from a warlock clan at the beginning of their first year. Sadly she didn't see the boy too often so remembering his name was a bit of a challenge. 

"U-Uh… Melodia? The council will see you now," The boy replied standing in front of her. 

Melodia sighed and nodded. "Thanks… um…" 

"Koby, I'm Koby" The boy finishes for her and fiddles with his thick purple glasses. 

Law studied the boy as he began to float after Mel. He then chuckled to himself. "Heh… dweeb" He mumbled as he followed her into the large chamber room. 

"Just be nice for once huh?" Mel shot over her shoulder, she didn't even bother to look and see if he was following her. She could already feel he was. 

The bond between them that was already forming was weird. It seemed like Law could not venture very far from Melodia's side whether he wanted to or not. In return it seemed like Melodia could always feel exactly where he was even if he was using his powers of invisibility.

As much as Law hated to admit it, he realized that at least he seemed to be bonded to a pretty witch. So what if she wasn't the smartest? Her Raven flowing hair looked so soft and fun to run fingers through, her lips looked so incredibly kissable. Wait what? 

He shook his head trying to rid himself of thoughts like that. He lost the ability to truly fall in love years ago when he was turned into this demon. He was an Incubus god damnit! Incubus don't have romance, they're all about sex. 

What would he give to be a human wizard again. He made the mistake of making a deal with a powerful demon known as Doflamingo. The deal was to save his little sister's life, but in the end his entire family died anyway. The price that he had to pay was to become an Incubus and feed off the sexual desires of the human world and give their energy to Doffy. 

What sometimes hurt him most was that he left his master Corazon behind. Cora was probably very angry and disappointed with Law's decision, but at the time Law had felt that he had no other choice. Now he knew that not only was his family fated to die, but he had betrayed the master who taught him everything he knew about healing magic. 

"Hey Law… Law? Hey Hell Spawn!" Melodia called to him, sounding concerned and a little annoyed. 

Law blinked and then glared "I told you to never call me that again you stupid witch!" He growled at her. 

"Hey I wasn't the one acting like a space cadet here. I was just trying to see if you're ok or not, but that's fine I guess. We're here" Melodia quipped and then she turned and bowed respectfully to the elders. 

The elders included Master Hawkeye Mihawk, Lady Boa Hancock, Master Crocodile, Master Buggy, and Master Rayleigh Silvers. Each member owning powerful magic that encompassed the many fields of study at the school. 

"My, My Miss Monkey, what trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?" Mihawk asked first, noticing the Incubus floating over her shoulder. 

"Well you see sir…" She begun before she was signaled by Boa to be quiet for a moment. 

"Just a rhetorical question dear, Shanks has already informed us of your predicament…It is not something usual to happen, but we have reason to believe that another student sabotaged your initiation ceremony." She spoke after a moment causing a little relief in knowing now that the council didn't find her at fault. 

"Why in God's name did Shanks teach those hooligans the old spell? It's so easy to get it wrong and so close to an Incubus spell," Crocodile added flatly, taking a drag from his cigar. 

"Who the hell cares about that? Please tell us if there's a way to fix this!" Law shouted impatiently earning an eyebrow raise from Rayleigh. The white hair elder got up from his seat and wandered over to Melodia and Law. 

"An interesting connection, it's as if it was meant to be…  hm it can be rare that someone has the ability to tame an Incubus. I'm afraid there currently isn't a way out of your bond… at least not one that is known." He spoke as he lifted Melodia's wrist to study the bond mark burned into her skin. "If another student did do this as Shanks is led to believe, then we will punish them justly. For now you will be under careful watch and you must wear this Melodia as a precaution," The old man added, tossing Melodia a collar looking necklace. "On school grounds you must wear this at all costs,"

"In the meantime my dear, we will do what we can to find a way to break the bond. For now it is impossible," Boa spoke. 

Melodia felt the world crashing down around her feet. She would be made even more of a pariah being forced to wear this stupid collar. She hid her tears and nodded. She knew there was only so much the council could do without straying into dark and forbidden magic. She sighed and nodded. She then bowed respectfully to them. "Thank you for time, your graces, We'll see ourselves out," She spoke up and then she turned and dragged a gaping Law behind her. 

Once they were back out into the hallway, Law became livid. "WHAT DO THEY MEAN IT'S IMPOSSIBLE?" He shouted angrily, his tail swishing violently now. His eyes glowing red and he actually looked pretty menacing. 

"It's exactly what they said Law. We're stuck like this whether we want to be or not. Again I don't like it either, ya know since I'll look like even more of a freak now," Melodia snapped glaring icy daggers up at him. 

This made Law pause for a moment and look at her. Somewhere in the pit of his stomach he actually felt bad for her. Especially now knowing that she really didn't do this on purpose. "You get bullied a lot?" He asked her, his voice a bit calmer than a minute ago. 

"So what if I do? My twin brother and I are always getting picked on by people. This wouldn't be something new. I'm sorry you got dragged into this," She apologizes and begins to walk again. 

This made Law feel even worse. He remembered what it was like comforting his little sister when she would come home crying because of a bully. He blinked again. What was that? He only met this human witch a few hours ago. What was wrong with him? Maybe he was exhausted from being dragged out of his home in the underworld? 

"Where are ya going?" He asked as he began to follow after her again. 

"To my dorm room or where we're living until I graduate from this place, might as well show you home I guess," She answered sounding defeated and a bit sad at this point. 

"Well… showing us to a bedroom huh? I could turn that frown upside down if you want me to," Law replied in an almost flirtatious tone. 

"Don't even think about it, mister. I may not know every thing about you Incubi, but I know not to fuck one!" Mel groaned and hid her face behind the hood of her cloak. She then led the way back to her and Law's new living space. 

[tsukumo-nya]

Yo! Didn't have time to type up stuff when I first saw this on my timeline, so I'm doing it now!

First, I didn't know that the eye was like an X ray vision eye, that's cool, I thought it was just a camera eye or something. That explains the question I had looking at the RAWs when it showed Goemon, Jigen and some lady who's welding, standing around butt naked, then Goemon acting like Lupin was a peeping Tom and throws a rock at him, cause they weren't naked, he was just peeping through their clothes. And of course him seeing all his friends butt naked is enough to move Lupin to tears, and almost enough for Goemon to want to report him for sexual harassment.

We have a true grade "A" pervert

I would show the previous page, but they were butt naked, and I keep my main blog PG-13, so unfortunately I can't show it. 😅

As far as Lupin's face being a mystery, I remember seeing people saying that in the original Leblanc Arsene Lupin Novels, Lupin is always wearing a fake face, one of which he always has on, and that he mentioned that it had been so long since he last seen his real face, that he forgot how he really looked. So Lupin III and the rest of the Lupin family always wearing a mask and never showing their real face is probably referencing this from the original Leblanc Lupin Novels!

--------------------

Anyways...

I feel like as a team, it seems like the team falls apart like dominos when one member is not on their "A" game.

The buck usually starts with Lupin. Lupin gets reckless with his plans and his own safety, and that puts Goemon in an even more stressful place where he is put in situations where he has to cross lines he normally would never cross or Lupin will die, which in Goemon's eyes he feels Lupin's death would be his fault. That causes Goemon to be off in a way that concerns Lupin, but as time goes on Goemon doesn't tell his personal concerns a lot of times so as not to bother or hinder anyone, and I guess Lupin is not concerned enough to stop and ask. Lupin just hangs out with Goemon more to look out for him, (which adds to Goemon's problems since he's taking him on dangerous outings), and as a result Lupin spends less time with Jigen causing him to become jealous. This sows the seeds of distrust Jigen has towards Lupin & Goemon.

I even saw in the RAWs (and I used Google translate, so I don't in how accurate the translation is or isn't), but I saw that in the Secret Seven Onigashima arc, Jigen ends up presumingly shooting and killing a random woman screaming for help on purpose and didn't care, which Lupin was super furious about meanwhile Jigen was just like "Meh, things happen, suck it up". Thankfully it wasn't an actual person, but they didn't know that until the body of the presumingly dead lady got back up (it was a robot like a terminator). Like he doesn't like women as is, but he hadn't tried to randomly kill them for no reason up until that point.

Jigen is usually Lupin's moral compass, even if he tells Lupin off and Lupin gets mad at being questioned and pulls a loony toons hammer smack on Jigen, Jigen's words and criticism do usually still reach him. However at this point because Jigen is angry and jealous, he's not being the moral compass/voice of reason Lupin needs, and he's not telling him to slow down or keeping Lupin from doing dumb stuff that'll result in him basically hurting himself.

Because of this, Lupin gets even more reckless consistently, he's literally just running wild.

That being said, Lupin is also Jigen's moral compass.

Like I said about Jigen trying to kill the lady yelling for help, that is something he normally would not even attempt to do because of Lupin's influence on him, not because of his own moral code. Lupin has mentioned before that morality wise, Jigen is worse than him, and that Jigen doesn't care about much of anyone other than himself, Lupin and Goemon, and has no qualms about killing people no matter their age, gender or if they are a bad or good guy. So this leaves the question why doesn't he just go "guns a blazing" and bring out an RPG or something on most missions, just take out the entire block to get one dude, because of his conscience, aka Lupin. He would truly do anything for Lupin, but because of his jealousy towards the end of Shin Lupin, and him thinking that he has been replaced by Goemon, that has changed.

Goemon I feel like still has the same traits that he had before he left home to become Lupin's "disciple" as he put it. Leaving home to join Lupin was the first decision that he made himself, and in the past he just did whatever he was told to do no matter what, but it still feels like he's just doing what he is told to for the most part without speaking out much, like he is holding himself back more and more so as to not hold Lupin and the others back, or make them resent him. It's probably cause he was raised this way, and unfortunately it's probably not something Lupin would innately pick up on about Goemon because that kind of upbringing is so far detached from his own that he would not relate.

Wow, such a thoughtful loving household to grow up in... NOT.

I also feel like he became more and more like this after the death of his last biological family member, since Lupin and the gang are now the only family he has left.

Then there is also the caged bird analogy used in "A day without killing" to describe Goemon. I'm not going to show what happens to the bird, but to keep it short for anyone that hasn't read/watched Lupin III...

That bird is Goemon's pet, and the old guy rips off it's wings and kills it right in front of Goemon... all because he couldn't kill a guy

Thankfully he left that household, cause literally who does that, but this is how he was raised. "What!? You can't do what we told you to and kill a guy, well let's take away the thing that brings you joy."

Fujiko is still Fujiko, she is truly an immoveable force when it comes to who she is. Lupin is kind of like that too, but he usually has Jigen to limit his recklessness.

------------

The next thing I wanted to mention is something I see brought up quite a bit when it comes to the manga. I feel like there is partially some merit to it in regards to how Lupin acts, especially in Shin Lupin. I'm not an expert at this topic at all, so take it at face value, but...

I've seen Lupin in the manga be referred to as being a psychopath and a sociopath multiple times throughout the manga. I don't think "psychopath" fits Lupin's character, mainly cause we can see legit compassion from him even in moments when he's by himself or in his own thoughts (like there is no one to even fool). However I think sociopath might actually fit, at least some spectrum of it. Let me explain.

Sociopaths are generally all lumped together as all being the same in media, and are generally just given the same description as a psychopath when they aren't the same thing (also TV constantly portrays them all like they are all Michael Myers or something). A sociopath depending where on the spectrum they are (and yes, there is a spectrum for it), can feel genuine empathy and love for people, but it isn't always conveyed in the same ways it would be for someone not on the spectrum.

I feel like it is possible that Lupin could be a sociopath like mentioned before in the manga, because of this... Trying to figure out how to word this...

Some (but not all) sociopaths on the spectrum will do reckless stuff that could possibly endanger or injury themselves, and even if they get injured or something, they will do the same thing over and over again and not learn "maybe I shouldn't do that anymore" from said mistakes. They will be compelled to do it again, and even to consecutively up the anti to an even more dangerous act or situation each time, even if they get hurt. This is not cause they are purposely trying to harm themselves or anything, but more of just being reckless in an attempt to ward off boredom and un-interest in life, a way to feel excitement or to just feel something in general constantly non stop.

And while they might feel bad or some form of guilt about doing bad or selfish stuff, they will still be compelled to do the bad or selfish thing. The guilt or empathy they feel towards the situation still does not allow them to stop themselves from doing that bad action if that is what they intended to do from the start. Also some sociopaths will do stuff purely for themselves at the expense of others, and while they may feel bad for people that it's at the expense of, like I said up above, that is not enough to stop them from being compelled to do those things, whatever it is.

As I said before, this is not the case for everyone that's a sociopath, just some people. I feel like some of these things explain some of Lupin's actions. I also think that it's possible that Monkey Punch could have been going for this purposely in the story, with his family members being doctors and all, including the brother who sometimes helped him out as an assistant on the manga.

Him constantly going back to Fujiko and working with her even though he knows that she will backstab him and even gets fed up with her himself. His tenaciousness when he first met Goemon, where he set himself on fire then came back, broke all his limbs kicking and punching a rock and immediately went back, then later got an arrow shot in his butt and went to the hospital then came back again. His actions in Shin Lupin especially where he has even lost an eye, but he is still going back for more action, and ups the anti by going up against the entire "Secret Seven" after the mess they barely came out alive from just going up against their old boss alone, and then knowingly going into the trap at the end of the manga.

This feels like it kind of explains why he does all this constantly without a second thought.

It could have also been influenced by his upbringing, which childhood trauma is also a cause for sociopathy... and this is what his family is like...

His parental figures growing up were his grandpa who tries to kill him on a regular basis, his grandpa's secretary girlfriend who is like a "Lite" version of both Jigen & Fujiko, and his dad who was also trying to kill him temporarily because his grandpa pulled the dumbest most dangerous prank ever for no reason on both of them, and had them trying to kill each other.

Grandpa Lupin: "it's just a prank bro!"

____________________

Sooooo...

I worded all of this better a few days ago when I was talking IRL, but right now I'm working with several days of very little sleep, so sorry if I didn't explain stuff all that well. 😓

But anyways, the whole team has issues, some of which are being exuberated due to misunderstandings and a lack of communication. Like they all need to have a sit down to talk about what's bothering them, and they could at least be as tight of a team as they were at the beginning of Shin Lupin. They of course have other underlying issue that attributed to how things started to go, issues that they had even before the start of Shin Lupin, but I feel like that is something that can't be easily tackled on their own.

This gif pretty much sums up the whole Lupin gang and their lives up until this point.

Lupin III’s true identity

(In 1974, a flashback of Lupin with his mother in a chapter of “Color Girl” titled, “The Return of Lupin”. I found it interesting how the faces cannot be seen.)

I wonder if the reason why Lupin’s identity couldn’t be seen when he was put under X-rays is because it can only see under one mask, not when he is wearing two. Or what if it’s made from some special kind of material that only the Lupin Empire has. It really shows just how mysterious Lupin’s background is.

[jayswritings13]

Total Drama: Alejandro realizing his crush

Request: "Hi, can you do some headcanons with Alejandro (total Drama) starting to fall in love with y/n for the first time ever. Like when talking to the camera, talking about his crush then realising." by @ali-simpp

💗Masterlist | WIP Page

Alejandro was ready to completely focus on winning Total Drama World Tour with his master plan.

He was charming, stealthy, and smart.

One thing he did not account for was how frustratingly amazing you are.

Alejandro didn't notice it at first, but it sort of snuck up on him little by little.

Being on the plane together, Alejandro found you to be one of the only individuals that he could really stand.

Hell, even enjoy being around.

The first hint that Alejandro was getting a little comfortable with you was when you were injured during a challenge and he helped you during the entire challenge.

Noah immediately knew something was up, as he's never seen Alejandro so concerned about the wellbeing of anyone else besides himself thus far.

Team Chris soon realized that teasing Alejandro was like playing with fire.

"I do not like (Y/N)." Alejandro said to the confessional, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is nothing more than some childish rumor to damage my reputation and (Y/N)'s. Noah has no class."

You didn't notice right away, but as time went on Alejandro start to pull away from you more and more.

Then there were times where he was downright avoiding you.

"(Y/N) seemed rather upset today. Though, I guess that I can not blame them. I have not been acting totally honest or respectable towards them lately. I just-" Alejandro sighed, "I just can not afford any distractions right now. Trying to outwit Heather is enough without (Y/N) taking away my attention." He paused, eyes widening at what he had insinuated with his confession.

"Are you okay?" You asked, stopping Alejandro in the hallway between First Class the the Confessional.

"Of course, (Y/N). That last challenge was difficult, yes? Chris is really mak-"

"Was it strategy?"

"-ing it difficult." Alexandro finished, "What?"

"Strategy, Alejandro." You said.

"(Y/N), I have no idea what you're talking about. I have been nothing but kind and friendly tow-"

"Please, do not bullshit me." You said, "I've talked to both Noah and Heather about you and they are pretty fucking sure that I am your next target." You sighed, "At first, I thought that they were messing with me, but after the past few days, I can't help but think that they're right. You've been ignoring me and being a real ass."

"If that were true, I would hardly think that I would shut you out, (Y/N)."

"I don't know. All I know is that you are all mind games and shit," You paused, "And I am so over it."

"(Y/N), I can expl-"

"Whatever this is, I want no part of it. Okay?" You said, Y'know I thought that we were becoming friends. I guess I should have known better."

"(Y/N), wait."

"Good luck, Alejandro. You're gonna need it."

He wasn't going to lie, but he was upset.

Not that he'd give anyone else the satisfaction of witnessing that.

He knew that this was his own fault, but he did what he had to do for the sake of the game.

Cutting you off before you got too close was a smart move, which is why he planned to get you voted off next, like he had with LeShawna, Harold, and Bridgette.

Unlike those times, he did not enjoy watching you jump off the plane.

"I-" For once, Alejandro was at a loss for words, as the ache in his stomach from guilt grew, deepening his pain. He took a deep breath, frustrated at his lack of composure. "(Y/N) truly will be missed. I will dedicate my game to them." He said, suddenly remembering the camera that was watching his every move in the confessional.

Watching his breakdown and not act like his charming confident self.

I will miss them immensely and will suffer this crushing pain. Alejandro wanted to say.

But a million is too much to pass up over a crush. He's sure that once the show is over, you will understand.

Or at least, that's what he's telling himself will he waits for the finale to come.

[onceuponmyanime]

OBEY ME DEVILDOM

I've always wanted to write about little Fluffy segments on the side about how MC felt in a new place like the Devildom with all these people she should be afraid of but finds an odd sense of belonging.

So this is my small take on it.*

The Avatar of Wrath...

"Thou shall not be angry..."

Trying to find a quiet place anywhere was becoming more and more difficult, especially when all I wanted to do was read a rather interesting leather book I'd found earlier that day.

The best place I could think of was the Library I'd been dying to explore since I came to stay at the House of Lamentation.

But the fear of being eaten by any of the wandering demons here in the Devildom had restricted me to stay in my room most of the time.

Now I was just itching to look around and find out more about this place I was to call home for a year.

Going to the seat on the far side of the Library, I folded my legs up under me as I settled in to read.

I'd just opened the book when it was forcefully taken from my hands.

"I'd appreciate it, if you didn't snoop in to things that aren't yours."

A little embarrassed that I'd done something very wrong, I looked up at a not-so-happy Satan staring down at me.

I could've sworn it was like looking at a replica of Lucifer before his face was quickly schooled back to his usual disarming smile.

"That particular book belongs to me." He explained.

I don't know if my eyes were playing tricks on me, but I just managed to catch a glimpse of a fluffy cat peaking from the cover of said book before he slid it under his arm.

"I-I'm so sorry." I couldn't help but stutter. "I just saw it sitting there, and thought it was a book from the Library."

Even though I knew he was annoyed, he still masked it with a non-chalant shrug.

"No one usually comes in here besides myself, so I tend to leave my things everywhere. I daresay it was more my fault then yours." Then looking a little serious, he continued. "Next time, make sure it doesn't belong to anyone else before you touch it."

Well I definitely wasn't going to make that mistake again.

"Dualy noted."

A little scared to move from my seat, I reached for a book from the nearest bookshelf.

"Do you even know what that book is about?" Satan said cynically.

I shrugged my shoulders even though I knew my face was bright red.

Not really, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of appearing more superior then I was.

"That's the whole point of reading a book. You find out about them from the words written inside."

I realized I'd spoken too soon when the symbols on the page looked nothing like the english language.

"Well I do hope you can read Latin, because I daresay you would have a hard time understanding any of the words in that book."

Annoyed and little pissed off at being made fun of, I stood up and stormed out of the Library, trying to ignore his laughter in my wake.

The more I tried to bridge the gap between myself and the demon brothers, the more I seemed to dig my hole further and further in to the ground.

I wish it would just open up and swallow me, then I would be done with this whole nightmare.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝓐𝓾𝓻𝓸𝓻𝓪 𝓐𝓼𝔂𝓵𝓾𝓶: 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚘𝚡𝚒𝚌 𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙, 𝚢𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛, 𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚖, 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎, 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚜. 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗.

𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘 × 𝙿𝚜𝚢𝚌𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 (𝙵𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚎)

𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝: 𝟹𝙺

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎: 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚂𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏, 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚄

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

I breathed out an airy and desolate sigh through my nose, obviously I unconsciously did it a little too loud as the raven haired male sitting across from me looked down at the floor.

"It was all my fault.....wasn't it?"

I looked up, the glasses sitting on my nose bridge tilting slightly that I had to push them back up so I could study his features, or should I say, his expressions. His eyelids never blinked once, his eyes were trained on the pattern of the carpet underneath him, but I knew his mind was elsewhere. I looked with pity at the bandages wrapped around his wrists, some of the edges stained with fresh blood. I gulped slightly, my stomach threatening to spill out my meager lunch of an apple and avocado toast slice from earlier. I could handle hearing patients tell and retell me about how they stabbed their parents to death, cut off their significant other's genitals because they were unloyal to them, even tackled a deranged lunatic that once tried to...... seduce me to put mildly.......

But to this day, I can't help but get dizzy when I treat or deal with patients who are self harming victims, because yes, they are victims. Victims of their own self loathing, guilt, and depressive state that isn't their fault. It just pains me so much to see them resort to such drastic measures...

But I'm also not stupid and know some, if not most only do it for attention or to manipulate others, and Yunho is a case not far from it. Which is why I was the one sent to deal with him. All the other psychologists would have fallen for his sad puppy eyes, good looks, well built physique and would have released him too early into the world. Not that he's dangerous and a threat to society, but he's not emotionally nor mentally stable to go deal with daily life yet. And I'm not a softie by any means even if I'm patient and meek doctor when necessary. But I'm objective and I seek deeper into the true person hiding behind the front they put in front of me.

"Do you believe it was your fault Yunho?" Usually one would get scolded for answering a question with a question, but I prefer this method in order to get my patients to reason and draw out their own conclusions......

And makes them pour out their true answers.

I watch Yunho ponder for a moment.

"It has to be- otherwise she wouldn't have...wouldn't have-"

He bites back a choked sob, teeth tightening and gritting against themselves as he fails to contain his tears. His hands cover his face as he begins to cry uncontrollably, desperate and heartwrenching wails resonating throughout the 4 walls keeping us company. Reaching for the purple plaid box on the coffee table between us, I take out a few tissues and stand up from my seat. Lightly tapping on his shoulder, I whisper a 'here' to him. He thanks me, but since he's crying too hard no sound comes out his throat. For the next few minutes, he's blowing out his runny nose, all red just like his eyes from crying too hard. He's sniffling while trying to control his previous hyperventilating session. I want to hug him or at least give him a pat in the back. But I can't, I can only sit back and try to imagine the agony he's probably going through, try to put myself in his shoes as I dive deep into the event that got him here in the first place:

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

Coming back from a trip to the store, Yunho momentarily looks around confused when he heard his baby daughter crying. Quickly putting the bags on the kitchen counter, he makes his way over to the nursery that adjoined the main bedroom. Calling out for his wife, he receives no response as he walks down the hallway. He calls once more for her but stops midway as he opens the slightly ajar door. His heart stops beating and his veins run cold as he stares into the lifeless body of his beloved wife hanging in the room, feeling as if the oxygen is being ripped out from his lungs, suffocating slowly.

As if sensing his agitation, his daughter's cries from the other room grow louder, so much that they raise concern from their next door neighbor, a kind and sweet old lady who more than once has offered her help in watching over the child or help them out in any way she could. Typing in the passcode, she makes it there just in time to stop the tall male from inflicting more harm upon himself as he holds onto his wife's body in agony. Having been left with no choice, she immediately calls for an ambulance, who arrive there shortly and take him to a nearby hospital.

He was monitored 24/7 as he had a history of attempted suicide before. The nurses and doctors didn't want another episode to happen again, not wanting to leave a barely 1 year old fatherless as well as motherless. As an investigation went, police found a journal hidden deep between the mattresses on the bed. When they poured over the first pages, they knew there was much more to the story than just a doting husband who couldn't live without his wife, hence why he was relocated to the infamous asylum......

And a specialized woman was tasked to not only unmask the truth, but hopefully help a poor broken mind be put back together again.

❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃❃

Hence why I'm here now, the folder I had read over and over again still on my lap. It honestly amazed me that I'd actually get to work on a case like this, and of course I took up the challenge of digging into a mind like Yunho's, not just to help him, but to leave a precedent for any other situations like this that came after.

"A precedent?" I remember the officer asking me.

"Yes. You'd be surprised just how common these types of toxic relationships there are in an everyday basis yet no one ever looks deeper because they're too focused treating a depressed person who's trying to kill themselves and don't focus on what they really are...."

Shutting the folder, I tucked it under my arm before turning on my heel.

"A manipulative individual who'll do anything to keep someone tied to them forever."

That's how I viewed Yunho, it's how I should be viewing him. At least until I could hopefully get him to change.

"How's......is my daughter ok?"

I let out a soft hum and nod as I scribbled something down on the notepad.

"She's fine. We're having someone take care of her in the meantime, don't worry."

Yunho let out a sigh of relief, fingers fidgeting against his thighs as he mustered up the courage to say something.

"Could I.....could I please see her?"

From the sad look in my eyes he could already tell the answer was negative.

"I'm sorry Yunho....I'm afraid until we see some improvement, we can't allow you to be reunited with her just yet."

I tried to keep my voice steady as I said that, bracing myself to possibly see him breakdown once more. He had already lost his wife and now learning that his only child was forced away from him could possibly send him spiraling down into another episode.

But Yunho instead took a deep breath and seemed calm.

"I understand.....it's ok..." I knew he was saying those last two words more to himself than to me.

Lifting his face up, he suddenly shocked me by looking so bright and rather happy.

"So I guess it's best if we begin right?"

Even to this day, I don't know whether I should have been delighted to have such a compliant patient.....

Or terrified.

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"Tell me Yunho, what was your first reaction when you saw your wife?"

A subtle hint of a smile curled at the corners of his lips.

"I thought she was the kindest and most caring person in the world, very pretty too. She just walked in and the room instantly lit up."

He was reminiscing about those times, I could tell. That fond look on his face was unmistakable.

"Do you believe you fell in love at first sight with her?"

His smile suddenly dissipated, eyebrows scrunching together as if recollecting memories from so long ago.

"I think.......I felt attracted to her.....but.....I don't think it was love?"

I could tell he felt conflicted with himself, but that's exactly what I wanted. I want him to question every feeling and sensation he felt at the moment so he could decide for himself if it was real or just a mere illusion he held. If he starts to second guess or question what he felt then he'd start reasoning and come to the conclusion that what he felt was wrong and mistaken. He'd see that his actions weren't justified.

"So when do you truly believe you fell in love with her?"

I stopped writing on my notepad and watched him close his eyes as he tried to pinpoint the exact time he felt whatever he thought was love.

"One night....one of our friends was feeling down in spirits. I witnessed how caring she was towards them...kindly reassuring them that they were loved, that they mattered. I vividly remember her kind eyes and loving smile as she comforted them. Then it hit me that she was that kind of person. Selfless, caring, doting, would sacrifice anything for her friends and family...... it was hard for anyone not to fall in love with her."

He turned his hand over, studying the wedding ring that he still wore to this day, the engravings of their initials being his prime interest.

"And at that moment I knew I had to have her. I couldn't let anyone else have her. I wanted her.... that love, compassion, empathy..her confidence and strong nature, I wanted-"

He stopped mid sentence and his eyes wizened in horror as he came to the realization I had foreseen long ago. He looked up at me, meeting my unwavering eyes that held no emotion at that moment.

"She had all the qualities I had always lacked in."

I took my glasses off and nodded.

"And I unconsciously wanted them for myself.... but the only way I could have them was...through her?" He seemed sickened with himself.

"Not exactly Yunho. You could have learnt to love yourself and raise your self esteem." I quickly scribbled my observation down.

"But I didn't. Instead I caged her up and slowly tore her down."

I couldn't help but let out an involuntary smile as he drew out that conclusion.

"Glad to know you've accepted that fact, even if it took several months for you to understand."

Shutting the notepad, I lifted myself up from my chair, straightening my blouse. Yunho followed suit.

"Is our session over?" He was always so polite, always escorting me out and holding the door open for me, which other doctors would have adamantly refused, too scared to come close to their patients. But not me. I let them have certain liberties at times.

"Not yet Yunho. As you've made remarkable progress, I got permission for you to see someone."

He was momentarily confused for a split second. Poor thing probably thought it was one of the nurses coming in to give him some new medication to take, which he hated with a passion. Stepping outside for a brief moment, I happily took the young baby in my arms, the little girl already used to seeing me as I always went to go see her after being with Yunho for a few hours. When I came back inside he had his back turned to me, once again staring off into nowhere. The light gurgled babbles the baby emitted caught his attention immediately. He whipped his head around so fast I thought he'd break his neck for a second. He teared up as the child began squealing in excitement as she recognized her father right away.

"Oh my-" He choked up with tears that he couldn't finish his sentence.

I calmly walked over to him, lightly bouncing the baby in my arms. Yunho hesitantly reached his hands out.

"Can I..?" He had such a hopeful glint in his eyes.

I didn't answer, I merely held his daughter out to him. As soon as she felt his embrace, she latched onto him as if he was one of the teddy bears she often slept with. Perhaps he was one.

No....he is one.

In my time of spending time with Yunho, I've come to strongly believe he is a sweet and tender individual. And judging by the way the little girl feels safe in his arms, I do believe he is capable of being truly loved.....

If he learns how to properly love not just someone else, but himself too.

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Stepping out of my car, I quickly grab the small pink bag on the passenger seat before locking it. Treading through the small patch of green grass, I ring the doorbell and wait for one of the occupants to open up for me. No surprise, I'm greeted by the same raven haired male I met nearly 3 years ago. He looks delighted to see me.

"Y/N. Hi!"

I wave at him, a small but genuine smile on my features.

"Hi Yunho. Did I come at a bad time?" I notice the apron covered in flour and leftover egg on it.

"Oh no not at all. Please come in."

Moving aside to let me pass, my nose catches the scent of baked goods filling the air. I can distinctly recognize the hints of lavender and french vanilla, an odd but surprisingly tasty combination. I spot out of the corner of my eye a little head peeking out from the kitchen, curious to know who had come to pay them a visit. Letting out a squeal, she quickly ran over to attach herself on my leg.

"Y/N!"

I chuckled and lightly run my fingers through her hair which was longer than the last time I saw it.

"Hi Jina, I see you've been baking something." We both chuckle as I scraped off some cake batter that had gotten on the tip of her button nose.

"Me and dad are making cupcakes for my friend's birthday party tomorrow." She explained.

"Wow that's a really nice gesture. I bet they'll turn out delicious."

Remembering that I was short on time and that I had one last task to carry out, I pull out the bag I had hidden behind my back and hand it to her.

"It's for you."

Her eyes began to sparkle so much they could rival all the stars in the galaxy. After thanking me like 20 thousand times, she plopped her tiny body on the couch to tear into the contents inside it. I shake my head before taking out a small paper from inside my trench coat.

"And this is for you."

Taking the slip from my fingers, Yunho opens it up and scans what it says. He seems confused for a moment, not fully understanding what it means. He looks to me once more, probably for the last time, asking for an explanation.

"It's your official release from the institution. No more drop in visits, no more eyes on you 24/7, and soon you won't have to continue with the prescribed medication, although when that happens they will send someone once in a while to check up and make sure you're ok without them."

Yunho nods but it is a rather sad and pained nod.

"So this means you won't be seeing us any longer?"

I inhale deeply and nod.

"This was a temporary thing until you got better Yunho. After all....I was only the doctor assigned to you."

It hurt me to say that as much as it probably hurt him, as much as it'd hurt Jina to know I wouldn't be coming back anymore.

"Can't we at least be friends?"

I hated seeing those puppy eyes of him practically beg me, signature trait he passed on to his daughter.

"That would be completely unprofessional of my part Yunho. I deeply cherish and treasure all the time we spent together and I'm beyond happy and satisfied that you've come so far since the start of our journey..."

I sighed deeply.

"But every journey has an end." He finished my sentence.

Extending his hand out to me, I took it and gave it a firm shake.

"I'm really going to miss you." He admitted.

"Me too. Me too."

Going over to the momentarily forgotten 4 year old, she let out an 'oof' when she suddenly found herself cooped up in my embrace.

"Take care of yourself and of your dad ok?"

I kissed the top of her head, her grinning face not registering that this might be the last time she ever saw me. Yunho walked me out the door and even escorted me all the way to my car. Always the gentleman, he held the door open for me. Before I could even get one foot inside, I felt a large hand grip my wrist. Turning to him, I was flustered when he suddenly pulled me close to him.

"Please don't leave. I need you....I..."

He looked conflicted with himself as he tried to finish his words. Taking a deep breath, he confessed:

"I love you."

My heart sank. He said the 3 words I hoped he'd never direct at me. Mainly because I was scared as he was. Don't get me wrong, Yunho is a wonderful man, and he truly deserves to be loved....

But am I certain that he has finally learned to love? Or is it because he feels he needs me?........

Only one way to find out.

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[mithliya]

Hey... So, I'm thinking back to one of the comments I left on the post where I was poking fun at those degenerate freaks that have been spamming your page. For some reason tonight, I started thinking about my mom and one way she'd help me and my little sister to keep warm in the winters when we had to walk to school. We'd heat up some microwavable burritos and put them in our pockets to help keep us warm on our walk to school. It wasn't terribly far, but thinking about this made me sad for some reason. I remember it was hard on my mom not to be able to drive because of her epilepsy. I'm sure if she could, she wouldn't have made us walk in such cold temperatures like we had no other choice than to do.

I know mom struggled a lot to take care of us and I still remember the nights she would be crying because of how difficult it was to be a poor single mom with a disability. She had to depend on a disabled people's bus system or the generosity of her own family and few friends to transport her places, whether they be doctor appointments or even just to get groceries. And then I remember when she would get us cheap pizza or take us out to eat at a low-cost buffet near our house. She didn't have to do that, but she did... And I know it wasn't anyone's fault that we were in this sort of a position, but my heart still hurts thinking about all of this. I wish there was a way I could pay my mom back in the way that she deserves. Yes, she was physically and psychologically abusive to a dangerous degree at times, but she wasn't like that all the time. And I know a lot of that came from the frankly unusually high levels of trauma that she and her sisters suffered during their childhoods until they each got married. They were in a cult. It was crazy...

...Anyways, this is all to say that I feel awful about saying my mom is dead in my own heart, because that's such a terribly ungracious thing to say. It's complicated for me to keep a connection with my mom seven years after I left home, but I thank God (or whoever) for every single moment that my mom is still alive on this earth. She may have messed up a lot, but she still did her damndest to take care of her babies. Dad did his share too sometimes, and I know the contributions of both my parents I will never truly get a complete grasp on (for all the goodness and sometimes abuse/neglect involved), but I love them both all the same. I'm so glad to still have them both in my life to one degree or another.

Sorry to trauma dump in your inbox. I just wanted to say something because what I said feels pretty fucked up now that I look back on it..

[You can post this or not. It doesn't matter to me. I just wanted to get this off my chest.]

first of all thank u for sharing ur story,, im so sorry u and ur sister went thru that. i have different experiences in many ways, but i can relate to some of what you said about your mom. my mom can also be abusive in many ways, luckily her physical abuse was very minimal and she stopped that a long time ago and shes much better now. and while the way she treated my sister n i has affected us n hurt us, i also still have a lot of love for her and know she went through a lot of difficulties and struggles that i can’t even imagine going through. my dad had some issues as well but i feel like, its really hard for someone to not have some love for their parents. and also its hard not to empathise with them and want to justify them to urself even when u know u cant. 

i don’t think being upset with your mom and saying shes dead to you is fucked up if she’s also mistreated you and been abusive, so i hope you’re not being hard on yourself either. i don’t blame you for feeling that way at all. parents can love their children and still do unjustifiable things to them.

also theres no need to apologise! if anyone wants to share anything with me, please feel free. im always open to listening and helping in any way i can! + stuff like this compels me to reflect onto myself and my own experiences. and if someone wants to talk to me privately, im not good at responding to dms but i will try to remember to and im more than happy to be there for you if you just need someone or just want to vent or even just say absolute nonsense. 

[retphienix]

It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

<3

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

(Y/N) POV

"You want my advice on where to buy a house?" Hanji asked, completely confused. I personally was confused too because it was obvious that Hanji would give some really psychotic answer. Even if I didn't consider that, it was not like Levi to ask for advice about something as personal as buying a house. Though it struck to me as unusual, I decided to let it off my head. "What about a house in Ragako? Your kid would get to see a titan before even joining the survey corps!" Hanji advised with her psychotic expression. "Shouldn't have asked you" Levi muttered as an answer to Hanji before turning to me and asking, "How about asking the squad? Aren't you close to them?". I was getting suspicious of his behaviour but I chose to keep quiet about it. " Uh...sure?" I answered to that. "Okay. They should be at the common hall after lunch. We could see them there" Levi muttered as he ate the stew.

We walked towards the common room when we were done having lunch. "Levi, are you feeling well?" I asked him on our way as I was feeling suspicious of his behaviour. "Huh? No, I'm fine. Why?" Levi asked raising an eyebrow. "Uh.. Well, it's not like you to ask for advice from anyone except uncle Erwin. It just seemed a bit odd" (Y/N) replied. "(Y/N), what part of this whole thing isn't odd? Do I look like the kind of guy who would get married, have kids, buy a house and all that shit? However, exactly that is happening and, well, I guess I have to do things that I wouldn't normally do." Levi explained himself. I decided that his explanation was fair enough and didn't question him more. "Oh, by the way, you'll do the talking. They're your batch mates after all" Levi added as he walked with me.

"You guys, we need help to choose where to get a house. It would've been helpful if you all had any suggestions." I told the squad. They were all in the common room as Levi predicted. I heard Historia was here but I didn't expect to find her with the others. "Well, you could get one at Dauper village. The scenic beauty there is amazing!" Sasha exclaimed. "You could visit the farmhouse I grew up in. I'll make an orphanage there later and you can keep your kids in my care when you all go to expeditions." Historia chimed in. "Oi, (Y/N), leave all that and try my house in Trost. It's the safest district now as the gate is blocked." Jean bragged. "Well, since you've given us so many options, let's just give all of it a shot" Levi told them.

"So, you're proposing that we will visit all of those places? That will take some time..." I told Levi, expressing my concern. "Well, we don't have much to do here. Everyone, saddle your horses. We are leaving in an hour." Levi commanded. It was decided that we would visit Dauper first, have some snacks at Sasha's home. Second, we would go to Historia's farmhouse. From there, we would go to Trost, see some properties for sale there, and come back to Capital Mitras by midnight. Sasha, Levi and myself were going for the trip.

Two hours later

We rode to Dauper with Sasha on lead. When we reached Sasha's home, a horde of children and villagers were in front of Sasha's home. Everyone came to see Sasha, now a member of the most elite squad of the survey corps. The way her father boasted about her to the villagers made me wonder, what if I had a father like that? Mr (L/N), my adoptive father tried his best and I respect him dearly for that, but, he never really bragged about me to people. I was home-schooled because of my reputation after all. I barely got out of my home, except for, of course, training sessions with uncle Erwin. As I thought about it, I realised that maybe it was my fault. After all, I never gave him much of a chance to boast.

Having a daughter who murdered one of his fellow comrades must've been hard enough for him. People glanced at us as they didn't expect to see Levi with a woman. Sure, I was on the front page of the newspaper once, but I was no where near as popular as Levi. Sasha's father cooked squirrel meat for us with Sasha but we couldn't finish eating it because I found three centipedes crawling on the table and discovered that I'm terrified of them.

They looked horrible and I probably never felt my heart stop like this before, not even when I came across titans. Levi decided that the place was too unsanitary and living in the middle of a forest will surely bring more insects, and thus, without much delay, we went for Historia's farmhouse. Sasha asked for permission to stay with her father for a while and Levi granted it. I doubted if he was becoming a softie due to my pregnancy.

The farmhouse was a really nice place but Levi decided that it's too far away from any market place and permanently living there is impossible because of that. After going to Trost, we browsed a few properties and we found one that seemed suiting. The house was near the inner walls, not too far from the market, had a nice front yard and back yard. It had three bedrooms, two of which were upstairs, a sitting room, a dining room and a big kitchen.

There were bathrooms in all of the bedrooms and the master bedroom even had a tub. The house being in Trost made things more convenient because, after all, the next expedition will be commenced from Trost. Levi booked the house and filling out the paperwork took long enough. By the time we reached Capital Mitras, it was already 11:45. "That was a long day. I really need some rest now." I yawned as I went for Levi's room with Levi behind me. The room was dark when I went in and suddenly, I felt someone jump at me.

No one's POV

An hour before lunch

As Hanji was taking (Y/N)'s report card and birth certificate to Erwin's office, she noticed something on the birth certificate. (Y/N)'s birthday was tomorrow. The walls were in peace and this was (Y/N)'s first birthday after joining the Survey corps, so, Hanji decided that it should be celebrated. With that in her mind, she went to Erwin's office to find Historia discussing something with Erwin. "I've got (Y/N)'s documents" Hanji reported. Erwin took the papers from her as she started mentioning, "I noticed that (Y/N)'s birthday is tomorrow. As her friend, I wanted the permission to celebrate it?".

"I see. Well, I don't recall the (L/N)s ever celebrating her birthday. Probably because the date on her birth certificate is the date when she got rescued. We had no way of knowing her real birthday. I think it would be a nice gesture. Permission granted." Erwin answered. "Hanji-san? Can I help with the arrangements? (Y/N) owed me a cake" Historia chimed in. "Yes.. Of course, your highness" Hanji answered, shocked by Historia's sudden interest in doing something about (Y/N)'s birthday.

"We can plan things in your office, yes?" Historia inquired with a smile. "Yes, of course. Feel free to come by whenever you want. I'll be there." Hanji smiled before leaving the room. She went to her office to find Moblit arranging her books. He always managed to help her out about staying tidy. She assumed that if Moblit wasn't around, Levi probably would've died of a heart attack after visiting Hanji's office. After all, he did knock her out to make her take a bath a couple of times.

"Hey, Moblit, we need to hurry things up. Queen Historia might visit my office soon. She probably won't appreciate the mess." Hanji told Moblit as she walked towards her table and took a handful of books to put in her shelf. "Hanji-san... Did (Y/N) talk to you?" Moblit asked Hanji in a meek voice as he picked up some books from the floor. "Yes she did. When are we going on that date?" Hanji asked, with a tint of blush on her face as she kept the books on the shelf.

The books in Moblit's hands fell to the floor as Moblit asked with shock written all over his face, "You're really considering it?". "Why won't I?" Hanji asked, slightly confused. After all, she assumed, that it would be obvious that she would consider it as Moblit had been always beside her, reminding her to eat or sleep when she overworked herself on her experiments. He was always worried for her well being and Hanji found it alluring beyond measure. Before further words could be exchanged between the newly formed couple, Historia entered the room.

"Hanji-san, could we plan the preparation now? My meeting with Commander Erwin is done and I hoped to make plans on the arrangements for (Y/N)'s birthday before going back to the castle." Historia said. "Yes, of course. I was planning to get (Y/N) busy in something and arrange a surprise party for her? Nothing too fancy of course, just Levi squad, Commander Erwin and my squad since she doesn't have much friends. We could arrange it in Levi's office since the state of it is not quiet. Great." Hanji explained as she pointed at the huge piles of books and torn papers on the floor. "I see. Shouldn't we inform everyone about the party in that case? I will arrange the food and anything else you would need for decoration." Historia answered.

"Ah, yes. Moblit, ask Levi squad and Commander Erwin to come to my office immediately." Hanji commanded Moblit as he ran off to get everyone. Everyone except Levi was there in a few minutes. "Hanji-san, I didn't find Levi Heichou anywhere" Moblit informed Hanji. "I didn't expect you to find him. He's busy" Hanji answered with a smirk recalling about how she walked onto them a while back. The plan was explained to everyone before they went for lunch. The plan was simple, Erwin mentioned that Levi was supposed to buy a house and thus that could be used as an excuse to get (Y/N) away from Levi's room.

Everyone with a hometown was told to act like their hometown is the best place to get a house and Levi was supposed to get (Y/N) to go take a look at the places. "She should be getting married as soon as possible. After all, rumours about her pregnancy has already been spreaded and that will give her a bad image if she isn't married. This could also help then speed up the process. " Erwin sighed. All that was left to do was letting Levi know about the plan. "Erwin, I'll send Levi when he arrives for lunch. Could you please inform him about the plan?" Hanji asked Erwin. "Yes. Of course." Erwin answered before going back to his office

During lunch

"So, you're saying that I will have to ask for advice from some kids from my squad about where I'll buy a house and you think that (Y/N) won't suspect anything. Erwin, did you hit your head somewhere?" Levi answered to Erwin after Erwin said the plan to him. "Levi, do you have a better plan? After all, everything you are doing nowadays is quiet...unusual. A few months back, if anyone told me that you'd get my niece pregnant and try to marry her in a matter of about two months, I'd laugh at them. You can probably make this excuse to some use too." Erwin said in a serious tone.

"Okay. I trust your judgement. I'll use your reasoning to try to make (Y/N) think that all these isn't a hoax." Levi simply answered before leaving Erwin's office. He wondered how he could bring the topic up, given that he normally wouldn't just ask for advice from random people. Suddenly it struck to him. Hanji was a good friend and asking Hanji at the beginning would raise less suspicion. Plus, Hanji would definitely be surprised at his way of changing the plan as asking Hanji wasn't included. "Hanji, where do you reckon we should buy a house?" he asked. Hanji's expression was just what he hoped for.

As phase 1 of the plan was successfully completed, phase 2 was taking place. Levi's office was more than clean and tidy enough so, Hanji and the others didn't have to get bothered with that. Connie and Armin were sent to bring garlands for decorating the office by a tad bit while Historia's castle chefs were already cooking the dinner. By the time everything came together, it was already 11 pm. The food were placed in trays, Sasha, who arrived at 10 pm was kept in a different room so that she won't eat everything up, a garland was placed on Levi's table and the room was cleaned by Eren after all the decoration was done since so many people walking around made the room quiet dirty and Eren insisted that if it isn't cleaned, Levi would take all of their heads.

Hanji couldn't disagree much about that. Levi was supposed to get (Y/N) in the room just at 12 and the room was supposed to be darkened and Hanji personally planned to jump at her and give her a hug. The plan went perfectly till Hanji went for the hug and got thrown on her ass by (Y/N).

Levi POV

I honestly saw that coming. Sure, I was able to book a house thanks to this whole plan but I was completely sure that if anyone jumps at (Y/N) in the darkness, they would be flipped in the air. At least I would do that for sure. The lamps were turned on after Hanji was thrown to the ground and (Y/N) looked genuinely surprised by all the decorations. "What's the meaning of all these?" she asked softly, her voice filled with curiosity.

"Well, we were trying to surprise you for your birthday. I mean, we don't know your real birthday but this is what's on your birth certificate so... Hey, you didn't have to throw me so hard." Hanji muttered while getting up. "I... I thought you were a burglar... Thank you. All of you. " (Y/N)'s voice cracked as she said this. A small smile formed on her lips while a single drop of tear escaped her eye. Right then Sasha barged inside the room with Connie running behind her to catch her. I was slightly annoyed because of this as I was quiet enjoying (Y/N)'s reaction.

I expected her to react like that because, as Erwin mentioned, she never had a birthday before. I had to admit, even I had birthdays when my mother was alive. It wasn't much, my mother cooked a chicken stew with the low grade chicken stock and bony pieces of chicken she would get in the market. Back then, it was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten, but, that was probably because she was an amazing cook. We would have a good Christmas dinner as well as a birthday treat as both were in the same day.

"There are two cakes... Meat... Bread... Steamed potato..." Sasha whispered as she was shaking. "(Y/N) asked me to get you a cake remember? I decided that I'll get one only for you" Historia told Sasha. To that, Sasha fell on her knees saying, "I've been blessed by goddesses!" while crying.

The smile on (Y/N)'s face was growing larger by the second as everyone wished her happy birthday. She hugged Erwin, and surprisingly, Hanji too. As she was talking to the squad, mostly thanking them, I walked to Erwin and said, "I booked a house in Trost. Seems like you were right about using this situation to speed up the process of the wedding.". "I see. I recommend that you buy the furniture from the retailer who makes our office furniture. After all, that desk I'm using now has been used for decades." Erwin answered. "I'll consider it" I replied to that.

The cake was cut, everyone had dinner, and when it was time to leave, I called Eren and told him, "Oi Eren, clean the room. I'll give you 30 minutes.". Saying that, I walked towards (Y/N), who was saying goodnight to Hanji as she was leaving. " (Y/N), Eren will clean the room. Let's go to the balcony here." I told her. She followed me to the balcony in the east wing. The last time I came here, I was with Farlan and Isabel. We didn't move to the headquarters back then as there wasn't much time before the expedition. The scouts were in wall Sina for the mission of picking us up from the underground. We moved to the headquarters in Wall Maria after that mission.

I've been in this branch after loosing Farlan and Isabel but, I never tried to go back to that balcony. Being here with (Y/N) made me feel emotions that I stopped feeling long ago. What if Farlan and Isabel were alive? They would've been very happy about the fact that I will get married. I was sitting exactly where I sat all those years ago and (Y/N) sat where Farlan did. "They wrote 'Happy 19th birthday (Y/N)' on the cake" (Y/N) said with a chuckle. I raised an eyebrow at her and asked, "Aren't you 19?". (Y/N) looked away from me at the starry sky.

"I don't know. They assumed my age before taking me to the (L/N)s. My pimp apparently told them that I was working there for two years. I looked too young and malnourished, so, they decided that I was 7 as any child under 5 couldn't survive rape. There was no way of knowing my actual age, my actual birthday, my real parents, anything. All I remember about my birth mother is a name. They searched the birth registers because selling off a minor is a crime but they didn't find anyone of that name. That, however, is common in the underground." (Y/N) sighed.

"(Y/N), you'll be a better mother than yours. Our child won't face things like that. We will make sure of it. Maybe, that would give both of us some peace." I answered to (Y/N). I didn't know a better way to make her feel better. "You're right." (Y/N) told me with a smile. Her strength amazed me. I stared at her for a moment. She, indeed, was the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes on.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

to be selfish

(in which plans are ruined, sparks fly, and selfish, selfish choices are made)

based on this prompt by @alltheprettygirlsintheworld!

id also like to thank @alltheprettygirlsintheworld for always reblogging my writing and leaving kind comments!! your support means the world to me 💕 i hope this fic is at least somewhat like what you were looking for!

~*~

Everything that could have possibly gone wrong had gone wrong.

Luck of the devil, Crowley supposed, though by that he meant he had the worst luck in history.

The picnic had been rained out, the Bentley had broken down, and even after miracling the poor car back into shape, Crowley and Aziraphale had gotten stuck in a line of traffic that hadn't moved whatsoever in the past fifteen minutes.

Worst of all, Crowley's plan had also been completely and utterly ruined. 6000 years of waiting washed down the drain. Quite literally, too.

Damn thunderstorm.

Needless to say, the demon was not in a cheerful mood.

"I'm sorry," Aziraphale murmured. An open book was resting on his lap, though even out of the corner of his eye Crowley could tell the angel wasn't reading it.

He sighed. "Not your fault. Last I checked, angel, you can't control the weather."

"I'm not talking about that. I mean, I am sorry it rained." Aziraphale closed his book after tucking a bookmark between the pages. "I'm sorry you're so disappointed, my dear. I know how much effort you put into planning this. Finding the right spot, and preparing the food yourself and all." His chewed on his lip. "Is there anything I can do, or say to - to cheer you up?"

Crowley chuckled, leaning back into his seat and turning to offer the angel a soft smile. Traffic wouldn't be moving anytime soon. He could afford to take his eyes off the road for a few seconds. "You can agree to come on a picnic with me whenever it's not raining."

Aziraphale beamed at him, and Crowley's heart jumped into his throat, as it so often did when his angel smiled. "That sounds lovely, my dear. I'd be delighted to join you again."

Crowley absentmindedly tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as the conversation passed. He frowned. "You do know, angel, that you don't have to apologize for anything. I should be the one saying sorry for not checking the weather report before we left."

A tiny smile crept onto Aziraphale's lips. "I suppose we're both apologizing for things we don't need to, then."

"I guess we are."

Silence fell between them. The Bentley inched forward as rain pattered softly on the roof. Lightning flashed a brilliant purple in the sky, followed by a deep echo of thunder.

Aziraphale finally said with a huff, "Oh, just spill it, Crowley. It is not like you to be so - so mute when it comes to a few cancelled plans. Especially something like this. What are on Earth are you not telling me?"

Crowley's grip tightened on the steering wheel. This was not a topic he wanted to discuss. Not now, at least. Not without preparation. He didn't dare turn to look at Aziraphale. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"My dear, you are radiating dejection. It's almost smothering! Why can't you just be honest with -" Aziraphale cut himself off with a shuddering sigh. When he spoke again, his voice was even. Gentle. "Please. Tell me what's wrong."

Crowley's gaze remained steadfast on the road in front of him. "Nothing's wrong. I would tell you if there was a problem."

"Oh, please. You wouldn't. You never talk about your feelings. Not with me."

Crowley stiffened so sharply at the angel's words that he nearly snapped off part of the steering wheel.

"Good Lord!" Aziraphale exclaimed, startled by his abrupt reaction. "What was that all about?"

Crowley didn't respond, praying the angel wouldn't connect the dots.

(Then again, since when had God ever listened to his prayers?)

"Feelings," Aziraphale murmured. He blushed. "I'm going to make an educated guess, my dear, that you were planning to talk about... Our relationship."

Crowley bit back a sigh. Now it wasn't even worth trying to change the subject. "Maybe." He shrugged. "Not like it matters anymore." A lie. "Don't know if you noticed, angel, but whatever I might or might not have planned has gone to shit now."

Aziraphale chuckled. "It's not that bad." He reached over, gently cupping Crowley's cheek before slowly turning the demon's head to face him. "Look at me, my dear."

Crowley was distinctly aware of how red his face had to be. Extremely embarrassing. "But traffic -"

"- won't be moving for another hour. We both know that."

He hated it when the angel had a point. He sighed, reluctantly taking his hands off the steering wheel and turning so his body also faced Aziraphale. "Okay. I'm looking at you."

"Now tell me what you planned to say at the picnic."

Crowley exhaled, though it sounded more like a hiss. "I can't."

Aziraphale frowned. "Why not?"

"I just can't, angel!" he snapped. "I don't know what the hell I was going to say." Not entirely a lie. He didn't have a speech prepared or anything. All he'd wanted to do was hold the angel's hand and - and see what happened after that.

He couldn't risk going too fast.

Aziraphale softened. He had an uncanny way of knowing when the demon was being honest. "Alright. Then I'll tell you what I planned to say."

Calling that an unexpected reply would have been an understatement. Crowley somehow managed to nod in response.

Aziraphale fiddled with his pinky ring, taking a deep breath before he began. "I know that you love me, my dear, though I also know you would never allow yourself to admit that out loud. I can feel your love. I've felt it since - well, since the beginning, I suppose. But I have never said that I love you, dear boy. And since there's no time like the present..." He bit his lip. "I love you, too, Crowley. So very, very much. And I have for far longer than I dare to admit."

Inside, Crowley was already aware of this. He couldn't detect love like angels could, but he was no idiot. And Aziraphale had never been good at hiding his feelings. Eyes were windows to the soul, after all.

"And - And I'm sure you're wondering why I waited so long to say anything," Aziraphale continued. "But I was afraid, Crowley! Afraid of what Hell would do to you if they ever found out about - about us." He stared at the demon, and Crowley's heart clenched as he saw tears glistening in the angel's eyes. "For me... I knew that if I Fell, I Fell. So be it. But for you the only consequence would have been complete destruction! I couldn't risk that something horrible happened to you because of my - because of my selfishness."

Crowley raised an eyebrow. "Your selfishness?"

Aziraphale managed a weak laugh. "Yes. Me, selfishly wanting to be with you. To be able to love you without worrying about any of the consequences. Just... Us."

Crowley didn't know how to respond. Or maybe it was the lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking. Either way, he was silent.

"But I've had enough of the - the bullshit from our head offices. I'm allowed to be selfish every once in a while! And I don't care if that makes me unangelic!" Aziraphale reached out to take Crowley's hands in his. "I'm ready to go as fast as you want, Crowley. Anywhere you go, from Earth to Alpha Centauri, I will be there. With you. Even if that means you end up driving this blasted car a hundred miles over the speed limit."

Crowley chuckled, squeezing the angel's hands. Everything he'd ever wanted to hear was finally being said, but now that the moment had come, he could hardly process it. "Angel," he finally whispered, "I think... I think I might be in love with you."

Aziraphale laughed, freeing one of his hands to reach up and wipe away tears trickling down his face. "Think? My dear, I know you are."

Time stood still as Crowley took off his sunglasses and tossed them into an empty cupholder before slowly leaning towards Aziraphale, his head tilted, eyes shut, and his lips parted ever so slightly -

Then he hesitated.

There is no "our side"!

I don't even like you!

You go too fast for me, Crowley.

He couldn't do it.

"Dammit," he muttered, letting his head fall and come to rest on the angel's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," was Aziraphale's reply before he lifted Crowley's chin and closed the distance between them.

The kiss was gentle. Tender. And hesitant, neither wanting to rush the other. It was a kiss filled with patience and 6000 years of waiting, a kiss burning with passion and 6000 years of longing. Perhaps there was even a bit of temptation.

(Who was doing the tempting, well, neither could say.)

The kiss was broken when the car behind them blared its horn, startling the both of them.

"Bastard," Crowley muttered as he drove the Bentley less than a car-length forward. "As if moving up five feet really makes a difference."

Aziraphale chuckled. "Humans always have places to be and things to do."

"Yeah, well, if he really needs to be somewhere, he might as well get out of his car and start walking."

"I suppose we're lucky we don't have plans."

Crowley snorted. "You may not have plans, angel, but I do."

Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. "Really? What plans do you have?"

Crowley smirked. "I was planning to convince you to be selfish and kiss me again. Preferably more than once."

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, though Crowley didn't miss the small smile dancing on his lips. "Oh, you're ridiculous."

"Mm. I know. And you love it."

"Well..." He chuckled. "Yes, I suppose I do."

(Although, as it turned out, his angel didn't need much convincing. It was also no coincidence that the Bentley started to play "Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy" on repeat - and refused to stop. Some things, it seemed, were simply fated to be. A little selfishness never did harm anyone, after all.)

~*~

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Cannot stop thinking about that one dress in that last boutique we checked out though... Jac: so lowkey mad at Isabelle for having to go home to walk her dog 🙄😩 Savannah: UGH I know! Don't get me started yet again on how her mum is literally never there to do anything for it & they don't even have a garden Savannah: I'll go back & get it for you, she can't stop me Savannah: I have less than zero reasons to hurry home Jac: Lowkey like, who do I call again? 😬 Jac: the poor thing, as if breathing wasn't issue enough without having to contend with getting overweight and her mum's vape habit Jac: You're so pure 🥺🥺 Jac: and I'm personally not over seeing you in that one shade of pink like ??? Jac: 👼🏾 walking Savannah: ^^^  the levels of cruelty make my heart hurt, honestly 😢 but I won't get to Heaven until I convince them to see the error of their ways & that is a battle I simply do not have the energy for today Savannah: you could literally wear that AWFUL dress that Isabelle was considering- thank god we talked her out of that much! 🙌🏾- & still look like an actual goddess Jac: Seriously, I don't know how they can live with themselves Jac: that would be their business, because I'm not as caring as you, or even close, but the fact it hurts you means it's mine too 😤 Jac: actually though, would have had to pretend to not know her, oh my God Jac: not to mention how short it was, as well as just hideous...like this is a SCHOOL event, girl, I... 🤦 Jac: it does mean we're scheduled to help her keep looking though Jac: which is becoming a trial, like I'm so sorry to say but wow Savannah: I likewise don't have the necessary reserves to try and teach her the difference between positive & negative attention Savannah: Can Amelia not help her look? I highly doubt her wardrobe is fully stocked with suitable school event dresses so surely she still needs to keep looking too? Jac: That's a whole conversation her mother should be having with her but also needs Jac: sad, really Jac: Poor, poor Is Jac: Meels is a committed outfit repeater, no matter the occasion Savannah: She can't wear jeans to this though Jac: 🙄 I've also tried on that subject Jac: it'll just become a whole THING Jac: us trying to sort both of them out and getting nowhere with our own looks Savannah: 😔 I'm exhausted by their indecision, it's taking the excitement out of it Savannah: I understand that they can't and don't feel themselves in just anything, but it's getting ridiculous Jac: ^^ Totally agree Jac: although us being on the same page is not anything like a surprise these days Jac: it's so unfair, really Jac: they're not even THAT bothered about the whole thing Jac: we've put effort in before this whole step even Savannah: I knew you'd understand, despite feeling like I'm the one who is being totally unfair by saying anything, the rational part of my mind which isn't on the verge of tears as a result of Is' complaints or Amelia's apathy is like no, Savannah, you're not wrong Savannah: it does matter to us & it's allowed to be viewed as important Savannah: not to mention enjoyable, god forbid Jac: You NEVER need to doubt yourself Jac: you're a complete empath, honestly, to your own detriment Jac: but that isn't your fault and people should try to give even a fraction of what you give them back Jac: so, for your wellbeing, I'm calling a time-out on this and them Jac: you've got to focus on you for once ❤ Savannah: I can't tell you how wholeheartedly I wish I was the person you think I am, Ty & I had a HUGE fight earlier & I've been plagued by self doubt ever since Jac: Oh no, okay, what was said? Savannah: He seemed to think that we had plans today, which is not a conversation I remember us having, so of course I wasn't going to cancel on you all Savannah: & that makes me the most thoughtless girlfriend he's ever had Savannah: I'm so sorry the girl you dated for like two weeks dropped everything without a second thought if you even hinted that you wanted her too because she didn't have a life Savannah: they broke up for that exact reason Jac: He's totally got the wrong day Jac: you don't double-book Jac: not dragging him, he's clearly just so busy with his own stuff too but yeah, no way Jac: he'll work it out and owe you a great apology Savannah: it was beyond upsetting, I swear I need a mental health break from everyone but you Jac: I get it Jac: no boy drama but my family are driving me INSANE right now Jac: I vote we go test 💅 colours and get a hand massage to boot Savannah: Can we? I don't want to be responsible for causing you more family drama Jac: Ugh, no, they're fine Jac: and you're more important than any of this drama, Is and Amelia's too Savannah: ^^ I don't care how hard Ty is sulking, I'm not going to leave you to cope with them on your own Savannah: you needed my help first Jac: Like, he can't put that on you Savannah: he's never spoken to me that way before & I have no idea where it came from Jac: Is he under a lot of pressure right now, on the team? Jac: or at home, school Jac: either way, the issue is not with you, and he probably knows that already Savannah: No, everything's going really well Jac: 🤔 Savannah: It's me, it has to be Jac: You've not done what he's saying you have Jac: accusing would be too strong a word but Jac: we'll work it out but I'm totally clueless right now Savannah: me too 😢 Jac: Lowkey mad at him now Savannah: I shouldn't have even said anything, I told myself that I wasn't going to Savannah: but then Isabelle & Amelia started sulking too & it brought it all back Jac: No, I want to be there for you Jac: and make you feel better Jac: which I definitely will Jac: but I just can't explain away why he's being like this 🥺😢 Jac: and I wish I could Savannah: You'll definitely make me cry, you're the best Savannah: he was acting as though I don't make time for him, which is not true, but if it were, the reason would be that nobody deserves as much of it as you Jac: making you cry doesn't sound like something the best would do Jac: you've got to have your own lives, own friends Jac: you do NOT wanna be THAT couple Savannah: if you don't want my tears because I couldn't be happier to have found the love of my life, I'll keep them in, since they are yours, it's totally fine Savannah: yes, exactly & he knows that, he has more friends than extra-curriculars & he has as many of those as I do Savannah: it doesn't make any sense Jac: I will treasure them Jac: and make sure they never, ever spill for anything less than the happiest of moments, because that is all you deserve Jac: I could talk to him...totally on the low and in the most well-intentioned way Jac: maybe it's something he doesn't want to burden you with? but he has accidentally burdened you with this doubt and worry instead Savannah: 🥰🤗 Savannah: you'd do that? Jac: Of course! Jac: You're my soul sister, so I hope Ty at least considers me a friend too at this point Jac: he's going to have to get used to having me around 😅 Savannah: if he doesn't we have a bigger problem than I thought because I love you so much Savannah: & I will run away with you if anyone ever tries to make me choose 😄 Jac: He's smart, he's not gonna do that Jac: though honestly, I could do with the break right now, would not say no Savannah: maybe we could have one, it's essentially my right as a child of a broken home to play my parents off against each other Savannah: & if my dad is foolish enough to believe he can buy back any of my love or respect after what he's done, why should I feel bad for treating him like one Savannah: I refuse to, I do need to focus on myself Jac: In terms of making-up-to-do, he's in the lead no question, or so far behind everyone else, looking at it that way Jac: I think it would be the most appropriate way to end transition year Jac: God knows if my parents would go for it 🙄 Savannah: I'll talk to them, I've never lost a debate so far & I couldn't be any more well intentioned, my heart is in the exact right place Jac: 👼🏾🥰 Jac: next year is when everything gets REAL Jac: we need the holiday we are NOT going to get until...I don't even want to think about the next time we'll be able to take a real break after this Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: whatever I have to do to make it happen & be perfect, so be it Jac: the salon is the EXACT right place to plan all this Jac: all the inane questions they ask about your holidays will actually be useful for once 🤭 Savannah: 😄 Jac: This is like, just a you and me thing, right? Savannah: of course Jac: Okay because helping Isabelle pick bikinis is the opposite of fun 😂 Savannah: oh my god, I don't even want to imagine Jac: if the dress breakdowns aren't bad enough Jac: we'd be so stressed we'd be put on the no-fly list, honestly Savannah: Amelia would probably throw my body into the sea, weighted down by rocks or Isabelle's dog, I swear she hates me Jac: How could anyone hate you? Jac: and she's friends with me, so her taste can't be THAT off Savannah: we won't mention that she's also friends with Is Savannah: any excuse to talk about how perfect you are instead Jac: I seriously think if we wouldn't, who would 😶 Jac: you'll make me 😳 Savannah: OH! The tans we'll both get Savannah: you'll be sightseeing & I'll just be staring at you in disbelief because you somehow got even more beautiful Jac: Oh please Jac: you're so stunning they'd be running to write new laws just to make it illegal how good you look Savannah: stop, nobody can see me 😳 but I still feel it Savannah: it should be illegal how you make me feel Jac: sorry, but a world where you don't know and aren't told how perfect you are is just not one I wanna live in 💁 Savannah: I don't deserve you, all I've done today is mope & wish your friends away so that I can have you all to myself Jac: We deserve each other Jac: if I didn't have you, who would I be able to get excited about this with? Jac: I'd be going on my own, most likely Savannah: okay, you're right Jac: I just get sad thinking about all the time we weren't friends and didn't know each other properly before Savannah: No, don't be sad, baby, we trust in the universe because it was meant to be now not then Savannah: lord knows I needed my glow up before I could be around you Savannah: 👼🏻✨🌞💛 Jac: That's true Jac: I'm more thankful that we have NOW and the promise of forever than I could ever be sad Jac: definitely not ignoring how blessed I am Jac: also blessed that my hair grew back in and I lost the puppy fat look 😬🤦 Savannah: I stand by what I said when I first saw the pictures Savannah: you were ADORABLE Jac: you're too sweet but I'm not gonna complain about it 🥰 Savannah: It's true & you know that because I would never jeopardise our connection Savannah: you're the only person I can talk to with total honesty, it's so important to me Jac: I only feel like myself with you Jac: no one else gets it all Savannah: I feel like a better person when I'm with you Savannah: but with none of the pressure that my parents put on me not to fail or the fear I have of letting Ty down Jac: You're the best person Jac: if all I do is give you the confidence to believe that, then that's totally worth it Savannah: You're going to achieve everything you want Jac: I can't wait to be Dr Taylor to your Dr Moore Savannah: 😊 Savannah: I'll be there to make sure every second of your life is worth it until then & of course after Jac: Naturally ❤ Jac: have you seen the groupchat? Savannah: please don't judge me for not having opened it Jac: I couldn't even when I'm just sat here like 🤨😑 Jac: Is has sent a million links and they seem to be getting worse every one I open ??? Savannah: Well I can't face that until later when I'm 🛀🏾🥂 Savannah: not that I'll be staying at Ty's unless he apologises to me Jac: You can always stay with me Savannah: I don't think any of your family would be fine about the always, but I wish I could Jac: They'll deal, I have to put up with all of them so 💁 Jac: I'm trying to persuade them to move the sofa bed from the hangout area to the music room, make it more of a spare room too, more privacy Jac: it's not fair that Jesse has a whole room with all his crap in, there's plenty of space in said hangout room for him Savannah: 😄 I'm sure we could win that debate too, I definitely have as much passion about the subject as you if it means I don't have to go home Savannah: it's impossible to 🛀🏾🥂 when my mum is mid-breakdown in her en-suite Jac: 😬😥 Jac: she needs to convert the passion she had for couples therapy for solo therapy now Savannah: Honestly! It's a full time job making sure she's adequately but not over medicated & if I'm worrying about it I know Sienna is Savannah: I have to unlock the door to let her in & before I know it I'm re-doing her braids or checking her homework, all the while my bath water is going cold Jac: You're actually such a good sister, and daughter Jac: In awe of you Jac: I wish you didn't have to work as hard as you do, but it's really admirable Savannah: like, so sorry that you had to go home to walk your dog, Isabelle 🙄 it's no wonder she doesn't understand me Jac: She doesn't even try Jac: she lives on planet Is where the most important thing is which bland boy she's going to get off with next Jac: I can't claim so many of your experiences and struggles but I respect the hell out of you, and try to make your life easier where and when I can Savannah: oh my god, the boy from the other night! I can't Jac: 🤢 Jac: her taste! Jac: worrying Jac: ugly dresses are the least of her problems Jac: I feel like I can't leave her alone sometimes, honestly Savannah: if this thing with Ty is leading to a break up I refuse to date any of the boys in our school Savannah: that would be another full time job working out which of them have & haven't done what with her & when Jac: tell me about it 🙄 Jac: they're all so lacklustre Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: we know our worth & we're simply too good for any of them unless they have a serious emotional glow up of their own Jac: Mhmm Jac: Ty is never gonna break up with you though Savannah: I don't know anymore, I never thought he would raise his voice to me Jac: That's pretty out of order Jac: he knows about your dad, what he's like Savannah: & it's really out of character too Jac: Yeah, totally Jac: men and anger issues are a whole can of worms Jac: there's something he isn't dealing with, for sure Savannah: or something he's not telling me Savannah: I just hope it's not a someone Jac: who could even come close to you? Jac: he's not that cliche of having the perfect girl and risking it on some skank Savannah: Logically I know that but I'm so scared Jac: Babe 🥺 Jac: you NEED to put you first, even just for the length of this nail appointment Jac: you don't need this extra stress from him Jac: I've started the convo, you can read it all once we get to the meat of it Savannah: I just want to be excited about 💅🏾 & all the iconic outfits we saw Savannah: it's SO unfair Jac: I hate this Jac: I wish I could take you away right now Savannah: you do, I'd be even more a wreck if you weren't the amazingly intuitive person you are, earlier without even having to be told I was upset you made me feel better over and over again Savannah: and right now you know what I need, way before I can put it into words or coherent thoughts Jac: we trust the connection too 💫💐💞 Savannah: I love you Savannah: I'm not devoting time & space to anyone else today, from this point on Jac: and we're definitely getting lunch after, my treat Savannah: no, mine Savannah: you've already been taking such good care of me Jac: Okay, but we will be going [place] and I will be getting you your favourite dessert Jac: no arguments 😘 Savannah: Okay, I won't fight you on it Jac: there are so many more important, and fun, decisions for us to make Savannah: ^^^!! Savannah: is Is still trying to force you to make outfit decisions for her though? Jac: I've said we've got more pressing matters right now Jac: I've made it sound like a me issue though, don't worry Jac: they'll have to cope without us for a while Savannah: Thank you, I can't cope with their relationship advice at the best of times Jac: Yeah, there's less than zero chance they'd have anything useful to say so Jac: they don't need to know Savannah: We won't tell them about the holiday plans either, that way you'll have a nice secret to keep as well as my stupid boyfriend drama Jac: to secrets 🥂 Savannah: 🥂 Savannah: Are you still thinking about that dress or have I ruined everything? Jac: You could never ruin anything with me Jac: so yes Jac: but I'm also remembering that other shop we didn't even get a chance to check out Savannah: their window display is INCREDIBLE ✨ Savannah: we should go Jac: I KNOW Jac: I've been window shopping every time I go past Jac: and to be fair, I think it's a bit out of Isabelle's price range, so it actually wouldn't be nice to take her there Savannah: the universe has spoken, I'm taking you there, our secret Jac: 🥰 Jac: I swear I only have fun when I'm with you Savannah: you're so much fun that nobody considers you might not be having any, but I promise I'll always think about you & what you need Jac: You'll make me cry now Savannah: Baby, no 🥺 if you start you'll set me off again Savannah: I'm a really ugly crier & you look like an 👼🏻 Jac: Okay, okay, no crying Jac: we'll stay flawless Savannah: that's harder work for me than it could ever be for you, but I'll do my best Jac: You're the most perfect person I've ever known Jac: inside and out Savannah: I feel that way about you, I'm not just saying it like, oh sure, me too Savannah: you're so perfect I should hate you Jac: Yeah, I know Jac: sorta been there done that Jac: not that I ever hated you really Savannah: I couldn't Jac: No, in the way how perfect you are SHOULD be impossible, that's how hating you felt Savannah: that's it exactly Savannah: & I just wanted you to notice me, I'd wait all day sometimes, getting more extra about everything Jac: It was like, I should've been mad at you but I could only ever be impressed Savannah: Well, I can't lie, I'm glad because I've never worked that hard for anyone before Savannah: it'd be super awkward if I failed Jac: 😅 Jac: I'm flattered Jac: how many boys wish, like Savannah: of course, but boys are easy Jac: duh, if you need to try then you've got bigger problems Savannah: I don't understand what Amelia's is, a smile & a hair flip & she could be dating anyone in our year Jac: Yeah, me either Jac: maybe she's had the same 💭 about Isabelle's seconds Savannah: 😄 Savannah: at this point I'm seriously expecting her to come out as asexual Jac: 🤔 maybe you're onto something Savannah: I do have good instincts for these things Jac: True Savannah: one of Sienna's friends is & nobody's been anything but really supportive about it Savannah: her year group are so sweet though Savannah: I was not like that a year ago Jac: Awh Jac: yeah, she knows we'd all support her Jac: and no one is going to say anything to her Jac: no one with half a brain cell anyway Savannah: & even if things were said it'd be no worse than what they say about her now Jac: Facts Jac: I don't know if she 1. genuinely doesn't hear 2. pretends not to or 3. seriously doesn't care Savannah: & you know her better than anyone so if you aren't sure she probably isn't either Jac: 😕 Jac: if she gave any indication, I'd do everything to help her Savannah: I know you would Savannah: I'm honestly so jealous of how close you two are & have been for like, ever Jac: but we're just as close now Savannah: I can't help but envy all the shared history you have though, all the pictures & stories that I'm obviously left out of Savannah: I shouldn't think like that, I know Savannah: but sometimes it does get to me, even though I try & be a better person than that Jac: We're going to make so many memories together though Jac: from now 'til forever Savannah: of course we are Savannah: it's no wonder he also accused me of being over sensitive, that one is very clearly true Jac: people just say that when they don't want to make allowances for other people's inconvenient feelings Jac: you can feel that, and I feel it too Jac: I wish you had been there Savannah: it just feels like she brings up all these past anecdotes as often as she does to try & leave me out Savannah: but maybe she doesn't realise how much it hurts me Jac: I'm sure she doesn't, but I'll make extra effort to clock it and get her to chill now Jac: we don't need to dwell on the past, especially at our age 🙄 Savannah: I don't want to cause friction, I can totally understand her wanting to reminisce, if we'd known each other then, I'd be the same Savannah: I talk & think about you literally all the time as it is Jac: Not even Jac: I don't want you feeling left out, or anyone Savannah: you would never Jac: you're so important to me Savannah: you've always let me know that Jac: 🥰 Savannah: I don't know how I would cope with anything that's going on in my life right now without you Savannah: I didn't even realise how badly I needed someone to talk to Jac: You look after everyone, you need someone to look after you Savannah: I can't rely on anyone to do that though Jac: me 🙋 Savannah: you can't leave me ever, I swear I'll go crazier than my mother Jac: I never will Jac: I promise Savannah: okay, I'm yours to look after then Jac: I can cope with that 😄 Savannah: you've definitely handled me at my worst, I haven't forgotten my bathroom breakdown, trust me Savannah: the embarrassment will last forever Jac: it so easily could have been me Jac: and maybe I wouldn't have had the courage to ever reach out if not, frame it like that Savannah: No, I hate that Jac: Okay, but no embarrassment either Jac: because you're the strongest person I know, and nothing I've learnt about you has changed that opinion Savannah: Well, I think you're the bravest & I fully believe you'll always find the courage to do whatever you want Jac: 🤞 Jac: I've got a lot of things I want and intend to do Savannah: 👏🏾 Yes girl! Savannah: I can't wait for transition year to be over Jac: Ugh, I know Jac: on the one hand, LOVE the extra opportunities and learning experiences they simply do not bother with the rest of the time Jac: but the other half is having to do lessons I have NO intention of carrying on with, which is just, pointless Savannah: ^^^^^^^^^ Savannah: my auntie was complaining at me as if it was OPTIONAL & I CHOSE it, excuse me Jac: Ha! 🙄 Jac: we all know it's meant to be in theory Jac: but if you don't go to a school with a high teacher to child ratio, with the budget and time to care about tailoring the learning experience to each child...then you're gonna have to do it with the rest, like it or lump it Savannah: She's a product of the American school system, there is zero place for her criticism Jac: and I- 😶 Jac: even our worst school would be preferable I'm sorry 😂 Savannah: Right?! Jac: Compared to the English and American systems, except maybe the super-elite English ones, I feel like we're still going to be at an advantage when we go to Uni Savannah: Agreed Savannah: even this year we've totally made the most of so far Jac: You've got to Jac: or you'll end up with a mediocre life and what is the point in even living Savannah: Ugh, exactly Savannah: I can already tell who is going to end up living like that Jac: I know right Jac: like, sorry to break it to you, but they're called FORMATIVE years for a reason Savannah: mhmmmm Jac: you can still have fun without ruining your life and future Jac: you just have to work hard too and some people are simply too lazy 💁 Savannah: ^^ we manage to have it all Savannah: I'm not sorry if they don't want it enough to secure it for themselves Jac: Exactly Jac: can't be sorry for you if you chose to act that way Jac: maybe some of them will turn it around years down the line but it'll be so much harder than if they'd put the work in when they were meant to Savannah: It breaks my heart that everybody doesn't have you to guide & hype them Jac: Only you deserve me though, that's the truth of it Savannah: I'm willing to work at that for the rest of my life too so Jac: 🥺 Jac: Ugh, I just love you Jac: you've really solidified all my life choices, if that makes sense Jac: like I know now everything I want is exactly what I need too Savannah: It makes perfect sense & I feel it too Jac: Thank God you do Savannah: My family are always pushing me to go to Trinity, they don't understand at all Jac: like, yeah, it's a good Uni, but we've done Dublin Jac: it's also the point of Uni to expand your horizons, put roots down somewhere else Jac: your hometown and Uni town are NOT meant to be the same Savannah: ^^ thank you Savannah: Sienna is the only one whose opinion is valid because I will be leaving her here alone for a year before she can go wherever she decides to & she'll actually miss me Savannah: my parents just want to control me Jac: Right, you aren't being selfish about it Jac: it's because you're too useful to them, like you said, looking after Sienna and your mum Jac: but those are actually both jobs your dad took on when he got married and made a family so Jac: he still has to deal with them Savannah: He gets to literally walk out but god forbid I take the next step in my life Jac: Right, he has to realize you are not a surrogate carer Jac: and that sorting those things out will always be his responsibility Savannah: He takes no responsibility for abandoning us never mind the fact that he spent years emotionally destroying my mum & then walking out when he didn't like who she became Jac: He's going to have to face his blame one day Jac: if nothing else, he does love you and Sienna, he wouldn't let anything really bad happen to you two Savannah: I don't feel loved, I feel like he decided none of us were good enough Savannah: maybe I'm too much like her for him to handle too Jac: I hate that he's made you feel like that Jac: but if anything, that shows failure on his part, not yours Jac: you're brilliant and loving and you're still there, even though it's so much for you to handle Jac: you don't need him, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable right now, and that it's shit that he isn't stepping up Savannah: I hate him & I can't stand that he's made me carry hate in my heart when that isn't who I want to be Jac: Oh, Sav Jac: you wouldn't hold negative feelings towards him if he wasn't giving you that energy first Jac: you're never a doormat, again, it shows you're strong Savannah: Don't let me be with Ty, okay? Jac: Promise Savannah: Throw my phone into the 🛀🏾 if you have to, I'll forgive you Jac: 😅 I've got it in writing Savannah: 😄 Jac: would never drop it in 🥂 Jac: such a waste Savannah: Lord no, I need the full 🍾 Jac: 🙌 I can get behind that Jac: it's been a DAY Savannah: it had it's genuine 🙌🏾 moments nevertheless, because of & featuring you Savannah: I've looked at the pictures so many times, I CANNOT believe you really look like that Jac: 😳 says you Savannah: yes & I'm going to keep saying it until it sinks in for both of us that you're the most beautiful person that has ever existed because I'm hoping that if it does for me, at least, whatever dress you choose won't take my breath away as soon as I see you in it Savannah: otherwise you'll be trying to twirl but also having to catch me as I legitimately faint Jac: you'll have to not kill me before then or I won't be any use to anyone Jac: just a blushy mess on the floor Savannah: that isn't fair, on the one hand, you can't die, I need you, but on the other that sounds ADORABLE Jac: it's unfair how much of an 👼🏾 you are to me but I don't wanna share so Savannah: pink is one of my favourite colours, you know this & you wear it so well 🌺😳🌷 Jac: I'll wear it for you Jac: even if I don't go for that dress Jac: I wonder if we can get corsages or is that too extra 🤔 Savannah: I'll get that dress if it makes you happy, I'll wear anything you want me to, including a corsage Savannah: there is no such thing as too extra when you're talking about 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Jac: my sentiments exactly 😄😄 Jac: I don't think Amelia will wear one Jac: but we can get them Jac: we can get our birth flowers and favourites and it'll be so cute Savannah: It should be an us thing, the holiday is so far away Jac: ^^ and it's more our vibe Jac: doesn't go with a short dress or jeans, really Savannah: 😄 Jac: I've got some books I need to return to the library, do you wanna meet at that little coffee place by there? Savannah: how many books? If you need help carrying them all I'll meet you at the library Jac: love the romcom fantasy 😅 Jac: you know me, there's a few... 😬 Savannah: 😊 I'll be right there, baby Savannah: no more struggles today Jac: ❤❤✨ Savannah: 🥰

[redspecialstardust]

Scandal - Oneshot (Freddie Mercury X Fem!Reader)

Requested by: @capan-devereaux

One month after the incident at the Rainbow Theater, you and now Freddie fall victim to bad press; there's gotta be a way to put these rumors to rest...

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: language, rumours, unwanted touching, attempted sexual assault (it doesn't go anywhere)

A/N: This fic is a sequel to Always Look After You; read it here. Can be read as OG Freddie or the BoRap version.

Freddie woke to himself facedown in the sheets of his king sized bed; the scent of the fresh bedding filled his nostrils, giving him sort of a gentle waking as he snuggled down into the mattress some more and forced his heavy eyes open to check the bedside clock which read 7:30 am. The time made him groan...for a party animal like himself, it was way too early for him to get up. The bed was warm, and so were the sunrise's rays on his back. You must have opened the curtains before he woke. but tired or not, he didn't want to sleep all day, knowing you two would barely get any alone time.

Choosing that there was no point sleeping in when he didn't have you next to him, the tired singer dragged his ass out of bed and threw on one of his many silk kimono robes. He let you know he was up by letting out a loud yawn on his way down the stairs. Just as he thought, you were sitting at the dining table with a newspaper one hand and a croissant in the other. Upon hearing your boyfriend's unsubtle yawn, you grabbed the coffee pot next to you and poured him a cup, preparing it just the way he liked it. Freddie entered the room still dazed from sleep but woke a bit more upon seeing you. Just like him, you were wearing a robe and had some pretty good bedhead going. The table had a couple of food trays with some eggs, croissants and fruit on them. He crossed the room and kissed the top of your head before sitting next to you.

"Good morning, Darling."

"Morning, Fred. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a drunken barfly, how about you?" He asked, placing some fruit on his plate.

"Eh. Same old same old." You responded. That could only mean that it wasn't very restful. Freddie always worried when you said that. This past month had been tough for you both, and the reason why was plastered all over the front page of the paper. Today's headline read: "Mercury & (L/N): Canoodling Cahoots?" Once again, the media was all over the Rainbow Theater incident and had been ever since that conference where your stalker had appeared at and made an enormous scene. To make things worse, Freddie was being dragged in on it too.

The same day of the conference, he released a photo of the injuries you received from trying to escape the perv's grip. It was a simple Polaroid taken an hour after the attack and displayed your arm with small, but deep scratches where you'd been grabbed. At first it seemed like you were in the clear, but as usual, people were looking for any way to create more gossip. Now all the papers were saying that you and Freddie staged the photo and he was just trying to cover for you since he was your boyfriend.

Oh yeah, and somehow news got out you two were dating. The stress seemed to be eating at you more than anyone a part of Queen. Over time Freddie noticed you were sleeping less and eating like a bird. Even with you being the first one up, he saw the fatigue on your complexion and ridiculously small amount of food on your plate; if you could even call it that...a croissant and a teacup of coffee? That wouldn't satisfy anybody.

"Dear, would you please put at least a couple of eggs on your plate? You're getting slimmer."

"What's wrong with slimming down?" You asked, not even looking up from the paper.

He was very frustrated lately. Sometimes he ended up saying things that were very insensitive.

"You know full well you don't need to lose weight. And for goodness' sake, why do you keep reading the papers? You know they aren't going to say anything nice. You're starting to look like a creature Edgar Allen Poe created!"

You threw the paper down on the table, frustrated that another fight about the headlines was starting up again. On and off for the past four weeks, you and Freddie were getting into heated arguments over what the hell you were supposed to do about the situation. You suggested moving a way for a bit, but Freddie said that would only be letting the gossip win.

"I know! I'm sorry! I just...I know they're saying bad things, but I can't ignore it. It's too much. Freddie, we were supposed to be happy together, not be harrassed by the paparazzi everytime we look at the TV or pick up the paper." By this point, your head fell into your hands and the small sharp pains of forming tears were hurting your eyes.

Oscar and Romeo were under the table the whole time and came to their mama's rescue upon hearing the sniffles. One purred around your ankle while the other gently pawed at your bare foot. Through the watery view of your eyes, you reached down and picked up Oscar, holding him firmly to your chest. The orange tabby purred in response. Freddie sighed; damn it, he went too far again didn't he? The frontman got up from his seat and stood you up, facing him with his gentle brown eyes locked onto yours.

"Come on." You snuggled into his side as his arm locked around your side and led you to the couch in the sitting room. Before even reaching the luxurious couch in front of the TV, you found him sweeping you up into his arms and carrying your frame bridal style. With the utmost care he placed you down on the sofa and sat down nearby, placing your head in his lap. Still sniffling, you looked up at him, muttering a thank you.

"Darling, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean those things, really I didn't. But I'm getting very worried about you. All the stress of these wrongful allegations are eating away at every level of health."

"I'm sorry too, Freddie." Breaking eye contact with him and staring ahead at the power off television screen across the room.

"For what?" He questioned, truly puzzled but his tone remaining calm.

"I've been so selfish. This whole time, I've done nothing but worry about what everyone's saying about me and I didn't stop to think about how hard this had been for you and the band or their families. I mean, maybe I am a selfish bitch like the papers are saying..."

There was a frightening silence between you for like ten seconds. At first it seemed like he silently agreed with you, but without warning, he quickly sat you up, making you gasp a bit and then pulled you onto his lap in a sitting position. The movement had been so swift, you were looking into his eyes for 3 seconds before it clicked what happened.

"Look at me." He firmly commanded. "Are you even hearing yourself? You're letting them get to you. This was not your fault. It never was. Yes, the reporters are saying awful things about me and the boys too, but we can handle it; plus, we know that what you went through was terrifying and we don't blame you for pondering on it so much. (Y/N), we love you...I love you, and we'll get through this, okay?"

You wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged as tightly as possible without strangling him.

"Thank you Freddie. I love you so much."

He kissed your lips this time and suggested that you both just relax for now and watch TV today. Everyone needed a break during a time like this with the rumors practically suffocating Queen while they were trying to work so it seemed like keeping all the prejudice fans waiting for the next album was sufficient punishment for now. Feeling much better you crawled off of Freddie's lap and cuddled against his side, giving him permission to flick the television on. Channel after channel it seemed like there wasn't anything that good on so he handed you to remote to keep clicking while he checked the TV guide. After only two clicks, you paused on the news, displaying yet another distressing headline:

"(Y/N) (L/N): Malice For Mercury?"

This was the worst one yet. The TV displayed a live report, with a journalist standing right outside Garden Lodge's gate, this time the theories had resorted to desperate measures saying that the only reason you claimed this man put his hands on you was to get attention from Freddie and that you were trying to ruin his career for him cheating on you. Cheating on you? Freddie hadn't left your side since you started dating last month. The news then showed video of Freddie walking home with his arm around some mystery woman that nobody recognized.

"BOLLOCKS!" Freddie hollered while jumping to his feet. Normally he would have kept his cool about something like this, but this so called mystery woman on the screen was his little sister, Kashmira. She came by every weekend to have dinner with Freddie and you; it was a very nice time to look forward to and the fact that they were using his sister's face as some shady floozy pissed both of you off beyond belief. Granted, the press didn't know much about Freddie's family because he liked to keep his family life private, but this was a new low. Sensing Freddie's rage beginning to boil, you turned off the TV and had took him gently by the arms.

"Freddie, sweetheart, you're shaking. I need you to calm down."

He looked ready to explode.

"They--they're attacking my blood now!"

"I know! I know honey." You pulled him in for a hug and rubbed his back. "Just please calm down; I don't want your blood getting up more over this, too." He wrapped his arms around you accepting the comfort you provided. You could feel his heart angrily pounding against his chest where the side of your face was resting.

They were really getting to him too and it broke your heart to see him upset because he had been trying his hardest to be strong for you and in between that it's like he forgot it was completely okay to be upset. No matter what either of you tried, you couldn't get away from the chaos of these made up stories. People swarmed you at the studio, they blindsided the guys at their houses, and just now, there were people hanging outside the gate, waiting to aggravate the victims of these rumors even more. By this point they had forced everyone in Queen to go into hiding, and all for ratings.

All day long, you and Freddie spent your time checking all the doors and windows in paranoia; the constant chatter of reporters and the innumerable amount of flashing cameras was extremely distressing, causing you two to finally head upstairs and stay there for the rest of the day and into the night. Things seemed to settle around midnight, and left you and Freddie lounging on the bed together finally getting some quiet time. Lying on your sides, heads resting in your hands, you found it so much easier to talk about all this crap in the peace of each other's space.

"What are we gonna do, Fred? It won't stop."

"It will darling, trust me. We just need to wait this out and they'll get bored."

"We can't just hide until it's over with, we're not living anymore."

He sighed. You were right, but he just didn't know what to do anymore to make it better.

"I wish I could just say what happened and have them believe us." He said. The sweet gesture made you reach your hand across the space between you and stroke his charcoal black hair. The texture was soft to the touch and very soothing under your fingers. Freddie adored the attention and pulled you into his chest where he held you tighter than a child would hold a stuffed animal and muttered into your hair.

"If only they knew that man's true nature. For goodness' sake, they saw it at the conference."

That's when a light went off over your head. An idea came with just that little statement. An idea on how you were going to get your lives back.

"Freddie, you're a genius."

Two days later, every television in England was broadcasting one of its most interesting stories yet: Freddie Mercury and his girlfriend were willing to invite the alleged attacker to Garden Lodge for afternoon tea in an attempt to patch things over and move on with your lives. The day the announcement was made, you and Freddie had braved going outside for the first time in a while and were being interviewed in the inside of a downtown theater. As usual, many questions were being thrown at the both of you about the situation.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Will you be friends with this guy afterwards?"

"Who do you think will apologize first?"

The whole time the questions flew, Freddie protectively kept his hand on yours. He wanted you to know it was all going to be okay, and you knew it was too, since your plan was bound to work if this guy was really as sick as he let on that night. Once in a while when responding to questions you two found yourselves glancing at one another to confirm whether your responses or not would be adequate. Freddie said that the change of heart came from the fatigue of feeling the need to hide and that a friendship with the man was uncertain. As for who would apologize first, it took some pride swallowing, but you managed to push out "I will."

Hours later, countless reporters were once again camped outside the mansion and kept every camera rolling for this groundbreaking story. Your pervert arrived on the dot for tea and used the doorbell on the door's exterior. The bell's ringing echoed through the manor and made you shiver at the idea of him being right outside. This same guy who left scratches on your arm was about to walk into yours and Freddie's home.

"Just breathe, Darling; your plan is gonna work."

"It better." You sighed.

Opening the door, you caught sight of his eyes. They seemed friendly enough, but nevertheless had this darkness lurking behind them.

"Derek, hi! Come on in."

"Thanks." He said, still seeming kind.

You and Freddie shook his hand and led him into one of the nicer sunlit rooms that normally wasn't used for tea unless you were having a guest. Compared to the rest of the rooms, it was a moderate, even small size. In the center of the room sat a coffee table decked with all the proper items to have at tea. A delicate white teapot painted in yellow and white with matching cups were placed properly there along with classic tea cakes and finger sandwiches. Either side of the table ends had a small couch pushed closely enough for anyone to reach over and grab what they needed off the table while sitting. Freddie shared one of the couches with you while Derek sat on the other. It only took staring at him again for a moment before you realized your breathing was becoming a bit laboured from your nerves causing a faster pulse; this was happening? This trash was in the house? But, still trying to be a gracious host, you picked up the pot and began to pour a cup for all three of you. Watching the steam rise from the cup made you wanna remove the lid and splash the hot drink into his face, but it wasn't part of the plan, so best keep it under control. After pouring your cup and sitting beside Freddie once again, he thanked you and everyone began to add what they wanted to the cups: sugar, cream, lemon etc. All three finished at the same time and raised their cups in a cheers like fashion.

"To a fresh start." Freddie grinned.

"To a fresh start." You repeated, trying not to sounding nervous. Derek copied and you sipped in unison. For a few very uncomfortable minutes nobody said anything while enjoying the tea and snacks; you all knew nobody wanted him here, and the tension in this Mexican stalemate caused you to move in and say what you had to.

"Derek, um, I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have attacked you like that; it was wrong to do something so awful to a fan of ours."

Ugh. That one hurt your pride.

"Thank you for that." Derek answered.

Freddie scooter close to you, placing his hand gently on your knee.

"I apologize too Derek. I shouldn't have used you as a punching bag. You see, when I thought that you had put your hands on her, it infuriated me and I was just trying to protect her. I'm sure you would have done the same for someone you care about."

"Well I can't blame you for that." Derek responded, smiling, but offered no apology himself. That's okay, you really didn't expect one. He took another sip of the tea and carefully placed it down. Something was definitely turning in his mind and none of it looked good.

"I'll accept your apology on one condtion: I want a quarter of a million dollars. It's the least you could do for compensation." The absolute balls! He knew none of this would be even happening if he didn't put his hands on you and now he wants a reward for getting his ass kicked? No, no way, you didn't care what happened after this, he wasn't getting a cent off either of you, but this could still work with what you had in mind.

You scoffed, jumping to your feet "I don't think so. We're trying to put this all behind us and then you come and pull this crap asking for money after leaving scratches on me and making our lives miserable? No! No you're not getting any money!"

Derek's face returned to that same vindictive grimace he had when he tried to throw himself at you, and it scared you to death. As he stood up too, Freddie instantly moved to protect you by standing as well and moving you behind him. He wasn't about to let someone punk him in his own house, no way! He didn't take bull.

"Fine. Don't gimme the money, I'll just go out and tell the reporters how much I tried to be friends and now the great Freddie Mercury and his slut are tightfisted with the compensation. You think your lives are bad now? Wait till the news gets ahold of this."

Freddie nearly lunged to attack, but you grabbed his shoulder, holding him back.

"Freddie, no! This isn't worth it. Just give him the money."

"But he--"

"Freddie please! I want our lives back."

It took a minute, but after looking between you and Derek, Freddie saw the fear in your eyes and it broke his heart. You shouldn't have to live in fear this way and he barely deserved you as it is. What the hell, money wasn't nearly as valuable as you. With a moment of his pride swallowed, he said he'd have to go all the way upstairs into the bedroom to get the checkbook. As he disappeared from the room, you gave Derek a bad staredown.

"So what's a perv like you gonna do with all that money?"

He shrugged. "Maybe buy you for the night." Rolling your eyes in disgust you let him know that was never gonna happen because he was an immature child; a man who threw a fit because he wasn't getting what he wanted, and then that's what set it off. He crossed the room getting right in your face.

"Fight all you want baby, I like it when they think they can get rid of me. I should left more than a few scratches on you; had it been just you and me, I would have treated you no differently than the floozies I pick up every Thursday." He grabbed both of your arms again, no not again! As soon as you hit the furniture, he pinned your arms down, to the sides and forced his lips onto yours. You tried to turn your head and struggle hard but he was so strong.

"Get off me!"

"Scream, and I'll kill Mr. Mustache. One way or another, I'm getting what I came for." He began to unzip your jacket but before anything else could happen, a gold flashy force knocked him off you and held him to the carpet. It was Queen's drummer Roger; he'd been hiding in a nearby closet, listening to everything so he could spring into action if anything went too far.

"Stay down, rapist! Did you get that, Deaky?"

To Derek's surprise, John Deacon the bassist popped out from behind a large potted tree in the corner of the room with a large camera in his grip. He signaled a yes, letting you all know they got everything they needed. Video was really all they needed to convict him, but to rub it in his face even more, you reached down your shirt and pulled out a wire, letting him know your bra had been bugged. That's right, you and the boys took two days planning this to catch Derek in the act and it worked perfectly. Almost on cue, Brian and Freddie escorted a group of officers into the room demanding they remove the root of all your problems.

The next day everyone in the band attended yet another conference to discuss everything and it was amazing; all the reporters who'd wrongfully accused you were now practically kissing your ass. There was nothing more satisfying than feeling this huge weight off your shoulders and the whole truth coming to light. Everyone in Queen received a formal apology from everybody and to even let you all know that Derek wasn't going to be even eligible for parole until he was 82. It's ok. By that time, every inmate would make him their girlfriend; no way he'd survive that.

"Freddie, with Derek finally behind bars and the your lives returning to normal, what's the first thing you're gonna do?"

Brian, Roger and John said they were just going to enjoy the peace with their wives an kids for now. They earned it after all, didn't they? As for Freddie, he took you in his arms, dipped your body, and left an enormous kiss on your lips. Upon standing you back in place, he said.

"I'm going to take the love of my life to Munich for a while. As happy as we are that everything is going back to normal, we haven't been able to just relax and laugh with each other since we started dating. Don't worry, the album will still be done on time. But for now, I just want it to be me and her. I love you with all my heart (Y/N) (L/N)."

"I love you too Freddie Mercury. Thank you so much for being there."

"I'll always look after you."

THE END

Thanks for checking this out! Find more from me on the Masterlist

[whiskey-dreams-and-lullabies]

The words scrawled on the paper in front of him blurred, his handwriting shaky, hastily written as his ears listened to the now familiar sounds outside. Grunts, groans, growls, fingers dragging along wood and glass. They knew he was in here, could smell him, his sweat, his blood, the sounds the walkie made, static bursts now and then,maybe even his desperation.

But he didn't care.

Not even a little bit.

The small cabin was isolated, and it was currently surrounded by the undead, at first only a few, but more and more drawn by the second. He hadn't checked in over an hour, but he could tell by the sound. Once fairly quiet, now maddening, a low roar as they fought to be the first in.

But, he didn't move from his seat at the old table. His pen kept moving rapidly as he wrote. Wrote everything. Thoughts. Fears. Resolutions. Resignations. Thoughts coming faster than he could write. Two pages full of the things he couldn't say, didn't dare speak out loud. Things no one would ever read, a manifest to be lost until some other lost soul stumbled across this place in the future. And even then, the words wouldn't make sense, the names within would mean nothing.

They may try to picture Judith or Carl, laugh at the name Jesus, assuming the author was some deranged religious nut, wonder about Negan. But, they wouldn't understand the desperation in his words, the hurt, the loss. After all, it wasn't written for them, or about them. It was written only for himself, in these moments, maybe his last moments on this earth. And he was oddly okay with that. At least he'd written it all down.

And with each word scrawled out, images flooded his mind's eye, memories, voices, the moments that made him, him.

Voices so vivid, his eyes lifted at times to search shadowy corners for the source, shaking his head before returning to his writing. Every few minutes, he brushed at the steady stream of blood that dripped into his eye from a head wound, ignoring completely the stitching that had torn in his side. Maybe he should be more worried about his injuries than the paper, but he wasn't. That was secondary. The pain an annoyance, but something he was used to. He wouldn't bleed to death here, the bullet wound hardly that serious after days with stitches, the head wound a long cut that would too heal. After all, head wounds bled the most. He hadn't passed out, and although touching it sent waves of pain through him, it wasn't fatal. He'd had worse. He'd survived worse.

But, he had to take a break, his fingers cramping up, wrist tired, eyes exhausted. Maybe curl up on the small for in the corner and get some sleep, or at least rest for a bit before continuing.

The sound the chair made as he shoved himself away from the table riled up the walkers outside, made them louder, more insistent on getting in. On feeding. His gun, his prized weapon that had been by his side for so long sat on the table, four bullets remaining, out of reach. Three to use on the undead, the last, as always, saved for himself. His axe laying out as well. Ignored much as the gun was.

Instead of laying down, he moved to the nearest window and looked out, meeting the dead eyes of a walker stationed there, rotted teeth clacking together as if he could taste Rick through the window. And, as had been happening all day, a loud voice in his mind, a baby voice. The ‘Daddy!’ that had him turning, half expecting to see Judith, eyes lit up, bright smile as she ran to him, blonde curls dancing across her shoulders. But of course she wasn't there, he was alone, well he had plenty of company, just not the kind you'd invite to Sunday brunch.

“What the fuck, Rick?”

The annoyance in that voice, how done he sounded. Rick turned, an empty room, but he answered quietly regardless.

“Stop glaring, asshole,” as if Negan could hear him. As if he was really standing here judging him like that for getting himself in this predicament in the middle of nowhere. “How much ya wanna bet I can make it out in one piece?”

He could easily imagine the look that would earn him, Negan wanting to forbid him from trying, but definitely knowing better than to say the word ‘'can't” around him. Could see him rolling his eyes, barely holding in the anger, reminding him, ‘'This is why I shot your dumbass’ once more. It almost brought a smile to his face.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah” he muttered quietly, the imaginary Negan crumbling away and giving form to Jesus who was by far much more judgemental than Negan and much more wordy about it.

“Always gotta play the hero. Stupid ass” with that look. That look Rick hated so much because it was full of disappointment, as if Rick had let him down, which he seemed to do a lot of to a lot of people.

Everyone expected so much from him.

Be the perfect father.

Raise her right.

Be the perfect leader who solved everyone's problems.

Fix it Rick, we have no food, no supplies, you're the leader, fix it! We need you. We're counting on you.

The perfect mediator.

The problem solver.

And of course, the perfect husband.

Stop pissing him off.

You're a failure, Rick.

Can't do anything right for anyone.

Fuck your pride.

The expectations were too much, people needed too much. He was one guy. One fucking guy who everyone depended on. All issues were his fault, every problem rested on his shoulders. “If only you'd..then this wouldn't have happened, Rick”

Story of his life. Pressures mounting, everyone placing him into a neat box where he was expected to stay.

His life was no longer his, belonged to other's, and he was simply the good little soldier.

“You're the leader Rick, it's your job to provide for these people.”

Which is how he'd come to be here in this god forsaken little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Alone and clearly outnumbered.

Because he was the leader.

It was his job. And no one could be bothered to help, everyone scared to make runs anymore, eyes looking anywhere but at him. No one giving a fuck. No one sitting at home worried about him even though he'd been gone for hours. Probably already written off as dead with a new leader being nominated as he paced. Fair though.

The chances of him leaving this cabin were slim to none.

So, he returned to writing. Wrote it all. The city, the farm, the prison, Terminus, the people, the friends, the foes, the kids, the triumphs and the heartbreak. Why leave anything out. Page after page after page until he reached the last one finally. One final blank page to be filled. One last memory.. He would leave nothing out. A final story.

A story that was both tragedy and comedy, heartbreaking and hopeful. A story that ended in one fateful decision, a single gunshot that would echo for decades in those that remembered. The aftermath leading him here, to this place, alone, writing his heart out. Destiny finally played out maybe, the only way their story could end. After all, they weren't meant to be, polar opposites, yet exactly alike. The extreme of both sides of the same coin. One cocky and over confident, the other broken and stubborn. How many ways could a story like theirs end?

Only with one dead. The other the victor in the little games they played. Drawn to each other for all the differences, the flaws. Each determined to be the better, to outdo the other, to prove they were in charge. Hatefully reminding the other how insignificant the other was, yet unable to go their separate ways. Tearing each other down to build themselves up, refusing to cave. Except for once. One night that for most would have changed everything, but for them only drove a deeper wedge.

Too many unresolved issues and the more he wrote, the more regrets he had. The list of things they'd done wrong only grew. And he wrote it all. Unbiased, harsh words leaving behind their truth, a truth they'd never acknowledge to anyone let alone themselves.

And finally, finally he was done. Papers spread all over the table, his legacy, his story through his eyes. He put them in a neat pile, these blood stained papers stacked neatly, ready and waiting for the next fool to stumble across this cabin in the future. Maybe someone someday would read them, would understand his words. Maybe they'd imagine the people contained within and would feel for them, feel their pain and their joy. He doubted it. But, he felt lighter, he'd gotten it all out and was no longer holding everything inside.

Now he was ready.

Injured and all, he was finally ready.

It was time to go home.

Standing, he stretched out aching muscles, loosening up before holstering his treasured gun, checking the rounds a final time before doing so. A slightly crooked grin grew as he readied himself, kneeling to tighten his boots, lifting his shirt to check his side.

Axe gripped tightly, the familiar weight oddly comforting, and last but not least, the walkie tucked safely away, turned off for the moment, silenced. He wouldn't need that right now, he could turn it on if he survived, and if he didn't, well, it wouldn't much matter anyway.

Drawing a slow breath, he headed for the door, a brazen move he knew, but a necessary one. He wasn't one to back down after all.

Holding the doorknob, he bowed his head sending a useless prayer to a God he didn't even believe in, it was more for himself anyway, then yanked the door open.

His eyes squinted in the bright sunlight, momentarily blinding him, leaving him vulnerable for a split second before focusing. A confident grin forming as he eyed the walking closing in from every direction, the smell nauseating, far more than he could fight, all eyes on him.

As he liked.

“Here we go” he murmured before stepping outside, the door pulled shut behind him, his legacy neatly waiting for the next chapter to be written.

#RickGrimesAU