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aduckinpain · 11 months

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I know.

Tags: Landoscar, Twinklaren, Oscar going through it, especially with that Brazil GP 2023, Hurt/Comfort, Character Analysis, Lando and Oscar end up together, in depth look into the quiet child experience, I know it personally.

Word Count: 1.5k

This work is also on AO3 under user roianamustang (me).

It’s always running, sprinting. It keeps on falling, tripping. It stumbles, gets back up, looks around, it moves. It never stops moving.

For all of his 22 years on this Earth, Oscar’s mind has never been quiet. Not like he is.

He’s heard the remarks, even agreed with some of them.

Since he was a child, he remembers his mother being continuously praised on what a quiet, calm kid she had. He remembers his father being teased for how his son was not rowdy or mischievous. He remembers his sisters’ friends describing him as mysterious and cool, unassuming.

Now with his life on full display at McLaren, he reads on how unemotional, unenthusiastic he seems. He reads and he stays quiet.

He observes, he reflects. Eyes unblinking and the air still around him. Like it always seems to be.

I know.

From an outsider’s point of view, he can understand. He can see why people's opinions of him are what they are. Putting himself in people’s shoes has always come as second nature to Oscar. It was getting out of those shoes that seemed to be the problem.

Sympathizing, empathizing, understanding he can do. Observation has been his strongest skill and it has sharpened over the years.

Yet, it seems, other people can never do it for him. They can never get it right. It doesn’t seem like they’ll start getting it now or any time soon. Sometimes it feels like they won’t ever get it, even in the far future.

Do I know?

Little footsteps echoed in his mother’s shadow around the place. It’s the loudest he’s been. Oscar looks around, wide-eyed, intrigued, curious. Always taking things in. But they never seem to be able to get out.

I learn.

Sleep.

Sleep is a favorite activity of his. It had his mother concerned when he was but a young boy, come up to him about it. Ask him. Ponder. Assume.

Oscar doesn’t think he will ever get over his mothers face looking confused, conflicted when he told her.

His brain jumps, it flies. If it couldn’t catch something, it would find another thing. His brain ran itself thin, it crouched, it needed sleep.

‘That’s not normal.’ his mom had said.

Recommended taking a break. Recommended letting himself breathe. Recommended to stop.

‘It’s not healthy.’ She’d pressed.

I know.

When his hands touched the karting wheel, time didn’t stop. To be fair, it actually only seemed to go slower. He hadn’t done this before. Things he hasn't done or tried yet, aren't perfected. He shouldn’t expect results. Keep your expectations low, so they're either met or pleasantly surpassed.

That’s why it was unexpected, uncalculated. He pressed the pedal, he gripped the wheel, he didn't blink, he passed the first kid. Then the next one. Then the next, and the next and it just kept on going. He felt the wind, he saw the turns, he heard the noise.

He felt. He felt and it stopped. He felt and didn’t bolt from it. Didn’t run it dry, didn’t analyze. Didn’t think.

His heart beat loudly, resounding through his body. Echoing in his ears.

Yet.

It was quiet.

He won, and he kept on winning and he didn’t seem to be able to stop.

Satisfaction thrummed through his veins and entered his head. Lingering, altering.

I know now.

After a while the inevitable happened. He grew, things became more important. They required thinking. They required analyzing, observing, seeing. It was a trained response, Oscar knew what to do. He moved on autopilot. He slept.

But he craved. Craved the silence. It seemed to slip away the higher he went.

He can make sacrifices, he understands.

I know.

Do I?

Alpine was loud. Alpine was deafening and emotional. Alpine made Oscar feel, but not in the way he wanted to.

He felt but his mind raced faster. He felt but it didn’t feel exhilarating. He felt but he didn’t overtake, he didn’t take off.

He froze.

He felt and he couldn’t stop thinking.

The sacrifice would have been in vain. The silence lost, for nothing. What was the point of doing this, if at the very least his hard-earned success didn’t get him where he wanted? If his freshly departed sacrifice, felt like a freshly opened wound?

His F2 Championship was everything he wanted. But what about everything he wished?

I don’t know, not anymore.

Oscar figured out pretty soon that the root of his problem was his yearning. He yearned the quiet, he yearned the success. And for two years now, he longed for revenge. But he didn’t do things blaringly, not like Alpine.

He does them unexpectedly, or so it seems to others anyway.

For the first time in a long time. Oscar Piastri overtakes.

@OscarPiastri

I understand that, without my agreement, Alpine F1 have put out a press release late this afternoon that I am driving for them next year. This is wrong and I have not signed a contract with Alpine for 2023. I will not be driving for Alpine next year.

8:00 PM · Aug 2, 2022

44.2K Reposts 50.7K Quotes 386K Likes 4,282 Bookmarks

I know again.

That being said, when your constant variable is overanalyzing, new environments don’t add well to the equation. New environments mean new people, new people mean new expectations.

New expectations mean a higher probability for error.

But he could do this. He worked for it, he fought for it. He sacrificed for it.

He itched for it.

I know.

When you let your mind wander, it creates new pathways, new possibilities. Wandering allows for running and running in a forest means getting lost.

His newest forest, seems to be going by the name of a Lando Norris.

I found out.

Lando was noise. Lando was the unachievable. More years of experience meant more years of achievements. Lando was his closest teammate and his hardest rival.

But, as days passed, comfort became Lando.

Security transformed into Lando.

Silence translated to Lando. Not in Lando himself, no, of course not. To him. To Oscar.

Lando spoke and Oscar listened.

Lando asked and Oscar answered.

Lando touched and Oscar leaned.

Lando moved and Oscar followed.

Lando stopped and Oscar stopped.

I always knew.

The year had started slow, but by God did it pick up the pace. It just needed some time to warm up those soft compound tyres. Just like Lando, who helped Oscar get more comfortable. With the car. With the team. With the new upgrades, the suddenly incessant meetings. With his ability to put in his input and have it be taken into consideration.

With Lando.

The better they got, the more media work they did. While in the past, Oscar may have dreaded it, he’s grown to like it.

The more media work they did, whether they noticed it or not, the closer they got. Bonded.

At the time Oscar hadn't noticed—something that doesn't just happen, that for the first time ever, he was the one being analyzed, looked into. Someone was getting in his shoes, and they seemed dead set on not leaving.

Without realizing it, Lando had become fresh air, first podiums, bright days, calm nights, quiet thoughts, content. Oscar felt content. His brain didn’t run, it walked, it discovered. It felt but it was ok.

I stumbled upon the discovery.

The heat was unbearable, yes, exhausting. But it didn’t matter, because he had done it. He has proved it. He met the expectations, in fact he can confidently say he has surpassed them.

He spilled the water on his head, felt it go through each individual strand of hair, down his back, onto his hands. He felt exhilarated.

Was it the water or the newly discovered heaviness of a gaze?

I know who it was.

He spilled the champagne at Lando on that podium, let it flow down the ridges of his back, the smile on his face, the hands clutching the bottle, the curls shining under the night lights. Grinned at it, laughed with it. Enjoyed it.

Did he say champagne?

He meant his own eyes.

Trailing. Following.

I knew.

The first brush of lips was soft. It was a question, a request for permission.

Just like in his newly rediscovered passion for racing, winning, Oscar didn’t think. He felt. He acted. He nodded.

The first press of lips was gradual, tentative, exploring.

He sighed. He melted. He pulled.

Safety feels warm. Comfort feels free. Being understood feels like losing control, but you’re still holding the reins.

He’d always wanted a weighted blanket. Guess there was no need for that anymore when you have a lap full of Lando.

They laid down. With hands combing through his locks and lips brushing on his forehead, Oscar allowed himself to let go.

His eyes dropped. He felt warmth on the top of his head, around his body, encasing his heart. He felt and it was ok.

Nothing was sacrificed. It was planted, watered over the years. Waited for the seasons to change.

Until it bloomed, blossomed.

And this time Oscar slept and woke up feeling rested.

The view certainly helped.

I’ll know.

-End-

Notes:

I'll analyze all of the 'I know' and their versions:

1) I know, Oscar is well aware of how he seems to people and their opinions of him. He can't do much to change them, cause he can't do much to change himself. This is who he is. Besides they are wrong. He feels so much, it tends to get overwhelming.

2) Do I know?, Being highly empathetic with people allows you to see every aspect and reason for their actions or reactions, however most people don't do this. Their main focus is themselves, other people come second and so on. It feels like putting in the effort but never having any effort being put in you.

3) I learn, children are curious and their minds act like sponges. No matter how small they are they will understand and remember everything.

4) I know, Oscar is self-aware enough to know that thinking so much it physically makes you tired is not the usual. He can't just stop though, it's how he functions. This is directly taken from a personal experience with this same conversation.

5) I know now, he knew right then and there that racing would be his freedom, his life.

6) I know.

Do I?, Is he ready to make these sacrifices? Is he willing to put in the work? Is it worth it? Is racing what he wants for his future? These are all insinuated questions he asks himself.

7) I don't know, not anymore, Alpine was even more doubt and wait. Waiting made the doubt linger and never leave. The future seemed bleaker. The sacrifices worthless.

8) I know again, Oscar found a purpose, a reason to continue.

9) I know, there's no more time for waiting or hesitance. He figured out how these things work now. You push forward. There is no time for second guessing.

10) I found out, something new, unexpected. Lando himself.

11) I always knew, was it actually new and unexpected or was it exactly what he was waiting for?

12) I stumbled upon the discovery, Oscar's whole thing is the need for quiet, for his brain to just stop for a second. It used to be racing that gave him that feeling and while it is slowly returning, it seems to not be the only thing that has that affect on him. There seems to be something, or someone else too.

13) I know who it was, it was Lando's gaze spilling down his back. Mapping Oscar on that podium.

14) I knew, it was his own gaze, spilling down Lando's. Gazing.

15) I'll know, he doesn't have to think, to analyze. Let the future be unknown. If he wants to, he can make it happen. With Lando there, it is assured, safe

Please note that no matter how much I am writing here, it is all artistic speculation of what Oscar himself has decided to show the world. Do not forget that these drivers are real people.

I wrote this after my own personal experience. I find Oscar incredibly familiar and relatable. It doesn't help that I look enough like him that the merge filter on TikTok refuses to merge me with him specifically.

Thank you so much for the dividers to @cafekitsune and @saradika ! They are so pretty!

Thank you so much for reading! It would mean a lot if I managed to get some comments or reposts!

I have another story with Lestappen (Charles Leclerc x Max Verstappen), called 'Stop, but not forever, that I posted some days ago. If you like this please go and support that as well! It can be found on my Masterlist, at the Formula 1 one.

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blouisparadise · 9 months

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There are so many amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of December. We’re entering a new year feeling incredibly grateful for the amazing fics we got in 2023, and excited for the many we’ll get in 2024! Happy reading!

1) Say Yes To Heaven | Mature | 2818 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Ethan Hawke.

Later when he’s back at the apartment with Oli, as Louis is somewhat dreamily waxing poetic about Ethan, Oli interrupts.- “Does he quote Shakespeare when you fuck?” he asks, poking at the sizzling eggs on the stove. Louis’ cheeks turn suspiciously pink. Oli peers at his face. “Oh my god, he DOES. I KNEW IT.” He triumphantly brandishes his spatula in the air.

2) Shut Your Mouth, Baby | Explicit | 3028 words

While fooling around in a closet at a New Year’s Eve party, Louis can’t seem to keep quiet. All he needs to do is hold off until midnight, when Harry will finally uncover his mouth and let him come at full volume.

3) Bank Holiday Weekend | Mature | 4135 words

Louis Tomlinson is a twenty-two year old omega who doesn’t give a shit. The omega knows his heat is coming up but still decides to attend Reading and Leeds Festival with his nineteen year old alpha co-worker Harry Styles.

4) Walk In Your Rainbow Paradise | Mature | 4151 words

Louis feels emotional after he watched Harry told the interviewer about the fish in his latest music video, leading up to him thinking about their 'secret' relationship throughout the years. Harry comes home to his husband who's feeling pissed off and needy of his comfort and warmth.

5) One | Explicit | 4188 words

Note: The main pairing is Louis/Tommy Shelby.

When omega Louis Tomlinson becomes pregnant after an unexpected encounter, he decides his only option is to flee his pack. But Tommy Shelby, pack alpha of the Peaky Blinders, might not be willing to let him go so easily.

6) Dreaming of a Green Christmas | Explicit | 4226 words

Harry opens the wrong package by mistake and finds the sex toy Louis ordered for himself. That's not an opportunity Harry can pass up on.

7) Never Felt More At Home (Then When I'm In Your Arms) | Not Rated | 5361 words

Louis and Harry are on tour with the band when Louis is struck with an unexpected heat. He's always known in the back of his mind there was something between him and his best mate, and when opportunity strikes... well, it hits hard.

8) Cat Got Your Tongue? | Explicit | 5523 words

“Who the fuck are you?” Harry screeches and jumps back in surprise. The man drops the popcorn bowl on the carpet and stands up, raising his hands in surrender, “Hey, it's me.” Harry frowns. He has never seen this man in his life. He stares at the wide blue eyes and… holy shit. There's no way. Harry rephrases his question, “what are you?"

9) I’m So Drunk On You (Baby, You’re All That I Want) | Explicit | 5875 words

A lucid celebration yet of nothing in particular, and it was that he found alluring, begged to make himself a part of. "Come on, H live a little." Louis pleaded without care for the sigh that slipped his lips, for the smile that they both formed were proof enough he'd given in. So giddy within skips toward the centre where they gathered, the smaller carried Harry close behind to join the chaos.

10) Snow At The Beach | Mature | 7885 words

The little Matthew Styles had been throwing objects into his cute omega neighbor's yard only for the adorable blue-eyed boy to come to his house to return them and talk to his father. "I'm starting to believe that he does it on purpose just so he can hug you" Harry appeared behind them and Louis smiled at him. "I wouldn't complain if it were like that"

11) Don’t Let The Fire Die | Explicit | 8850 words

Harry makes a long trip to take back what is his.

12) The Box | Explicit | 8895 words

When the signal comes, Harry dips and slides into the box, settling himself on his back with his knees bent. Louis lifts the side of the box to close it, and as he does so Harry goes to pull his jacket from behind his back a little. The last sight that Louis is presented with before Harry is gone from view is the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen arching his back, with his head thrown upwards, mouth slightly open. And fuck.

13) Touch Me (Like Nobody Else Does) | Mature | 11459 words

The alpha’s grin returned tenfold, deep dimples popping into his cheeks. Holy shit, he has dimples. “No, I don’t mind at all. I know where to find you when I need it back,” he said with a chuckle before leaning back into his seat. Louis let out a small giggle before nodding. “I’ll be sure it gets returned to you…?” He trailed off, one eyebrow raised at the other man. “Harry,” he replied, amusement still shining in his eyes. “And you are?” “Louis,” the omega responded before leaning back into his seat averting his eyes once again. “Thank you, really, for the charger. You’re a lifesaver. I’m not sure how I would’ve made it through without my Netflix.”

14) Cause I’m Really Not Fine At All | Mature | 13679 words

Louis Tomlinson, one of the famous members of One Direction, is involved in a car accident that caused him to have amnesia, wiping all the last five years of his life from the memory. The interesting part is he may not remember that he has a girlfriend now, yet his mind seems to think that he has been in a relationship with one of the members, Harry Styles. Harry is baffled and shocked at the situation that's thrown in his face. He finds himself learning how to be a good boyfriend for Louis. It has to be easy.. 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

15) Roommates | Mature | 18604 words

Louis and Harry are roommates. Harry had put up an ad for a roommate, and Louis moved in. Harry notices that Louis only survives on takeout out, and when he leaves for his shift, he cooks an extra plate of food for Louis with a note.

16) Play By The Rules | Explicit | 21835 words

“Okay,” Harry clears his throat. “Sit on the bed, um, slut.” A beat of silence passes between them as Louis raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “You want to try saying that like you mean it?” Harry pouts, jutting out his lower lip. “But I don’t mean it, Lou. I feel like I’m being mean.”

17) You Bring Blue Lights To Dreams | Explicit | 30177 words

A body slid up behind him and he tensed until he realized it was Jailen, “So… Louis’ pretty cool huh?” He whispered so Louis wouldn't hear from the other side of the barn. “I mean yeah,” Harry responded, brows furrowing together before he realized what Jailen was really saying, “Jailen no that’s not- no. Nothing’s going to happen so don’t meddle, I’m serious.” “I’m not doing anything my dear Harold, I cannot control what happens naturally. Come on Harry, I know you’ve been getting restless with the whole finding your soulmate thing, it might be time to just try and put yourself out there for a while.”

18) He's Driving Me Crazy... But... I'm Into It | Explicit | 56219 words

The boys are organising a holiday in France for Louis, and Harry is able to make the trip at the last minute thanks to Niall. While things seem to be off to a bad start between them, it seems that some of the behaviour is just pretend. And of course, Louis is annoying, and Harry is his usual calm self... But the others don't seem to understand Louis' feelings, and that's not something Harry will let pass. If they gain more than friendship, that's just a bonus.

19) Your Eyes Are Tired But Keep Them Open Cause You Wouldn’t Wanna Miss A Thing | Explicit | 137451 words

Louis is an omega in an abusive relationship everyone forced him into; he’s miserable until he meets his favorite student’s uncle, Harry, a gentle alpha with a big heart.

20) Sewn Into You | Explicit | 167485 words

Harry Styles thinks soulmates are a fairytale, or in other words-a lie. He has no interest in entertaining anything that has anything to do with the very name that had been etched along his collarbone since his eighteenth birthday. Louis Tomlinson won't be answering to another alpha for the rest of his life if he can help it. Fuck happy endings, his soul mate can choke on it. Problem is, Harry needs a personal assistant to save his family's business, Louis needs the cash to officially move off of his childhood best-friend's couch. They can manage. Surely, nothing will go wrong.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#fic recs #bottom louis #top harry #larry #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs #blp

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rainbowmoonstonestories · 8 months

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A Bounty As Boundless As The Sea | Chapter 2

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: One Piece (Liveaction 2023) Rating: Explicit Relationships Dracule Mihawk x F!Reader Characters: Dracule Mihawk, Original Characters, Akagami no Shanks, Roronoa Zoro , Perona. Warnings: Mention of blood and physical torture, violence, 18+ content (minors DNI), explicit sexual content, POV switching. Summary: Constantly evading capture due to a bounty on your head, you were forced to embrace the life of a pirate, despite your initial desire for a thrilling adventure and a simple exploration of the world. One fateful day, the Marines dispatched Dracule Mihawk to hunt you down, plunging you into a game of hide and seek with the formidable Warlord of the sea throughout the East Blue. However, to your surprise, the man proved to be less bloodthirsty and hostile than you had anticipated. His piercing, hawk-like eyes, shimmering with a deep golden hue, left an indelible impression on your mind, while his apathetic yet self-assured demeanor ignited a newfound sense of intrigue within you.

Credits: The divider was made by firefly-graphics.

Tagging: @gg-trini, @commanderfreethatdust, @canthebest1. If anyone else wants to be tagged in the future chapters, feel free to drop me a comment!

Read on AO3.

Chapter Summary: Dracule Mihawk had disappeared from your sight, but fate had a particularly perilous way of intertwining your paths again.

Three weeks had elapsed since your confrontation with Dracule Mihawk on the island, and he remained faithful to his vow of discontinuing his pursuit. That allowed you to revert to your typical pursuits of brokering deals and traversing the wide expanses of the East Blue, free from the constant dread of being ensrared or harmed by the world's mightiest swordsman.

Every now and then, you still had to evade unexpected bounty hunters who recognized you during your travels. However, in comparison to the formidable and perilous threat that Mihawk could have presented, it was a matter of little concern.

And yet, despite the frustration brought about by the game you played with the Warlord, there was a part of you that genuinely longed for the thrill of being chased by him once more.

The truth was that he had left a profound impact on you. Even with his stern and aloof exterior, he had displayed a degree of compassion that day, a rarity since you had left your home. His guidance, albeit delivered in a brusque manner akin to a critique, was valuable. Furthermore, he commended your tenacity and survival tactics, despite his scant understanding of your combat techniques.

And then, there was his voice, exuding a commanding presence that demanded attention. It was smooth, it was alluring, and it possessed an enchanting quality that was truly unforgettable. The mere thought of it sent a shiver down your spine.

Dracule Mihawk was undeniably attractive, and despite your disdain for it, you couldn't help but wish that things had turned out differently between the two of you.

Being a woman of your age, you had never been one to develop adolescent-like infatuations with men. You partook in fleeting romances and casual encounters when circumstances and desires aligned, but never did you let yourself become infatuated with someone you hardly knew. Granted, there were a couple of favorites you endeavored to see more than once, yet none of those experiences held a candle to this one.

It went against your nature, and you detested the feeling of being consumed by those kinds of emotions. However, despite your discomfort, it became progressively challenging with each passing day to banish him from your thoughts.

As another week slipped by without any sighting of Mihawk, you found yourself envisioning the Marines' reaction upon discovering his defiance of the World Government's orders, allowing you to move freely and carry out your activities unhindered. Given what they had subjected you to, you were steadfast in your resolve to witness their ultimate downfall and defeat, propelled by their own arrogance.

Although it may not have been significant in comparison to what you had to endure, you could still perceive it as a minor victory.

Exiting a shop, your bag was filled to the brim with fresh goodies and supplies. You savored this little luxury amidst the chaotic outcome you had obtained. You had emerged from the depths of the slums, propelled solely by your own determination and grit. Climbing the ladder single-handedly, you attained heights that seemed inconceivable when you first bore your scars.

Occasionally, the sight of those marks in the mirror still made you flinch. Whenever you found yourself in a physically intimate situation with a man, there was always a lingering concern that they might recoil in revulsion. Up untill now, your experiences in this aspect had been minimal, as you consciously maintained a certain distance to avoid any potential entanglements. There was just one man who candidly expressed his discomfort, confessing his fear of inflicting pain upon touching you. Regrettably, his admission tainted the mood, prompting you to collect your belongings and depart, never to meet him again.

However, a certain merchant seemed to have taken a particular interest in you. Over the past eight months, you conducted numerous transactions with him, trading valuable artifacts that he was more than eager to compensate generously with gold. Although there was no romantic attachment between the two of you, you genuinely enjoyed his company and found him to be a delightful presence whenever you spent time together.

Driven by a few drinks, one night, your casual banter took an unforeseen twist and evolved into a passionate exchange that was mutually regarded as one of the most exhilarating experiences you had ever shared with someone. He exuded a certain masculine beauty, characterized by a strong jawline and captivating deep green eyes. Moreover, he treated you with utmost care and respect, expressing genuine admiration for your resilience and acknowledging your exceptional ability to handle yourself in combat.

There was a moment when you briefly contemplated taking your relationship with him a little further, but you realized that it would be impossible for you to pursue it. Your free-spirited nature made it difficult for you to envision settling down with a man who shared the same libertine lifestyle. Or at the very least, as long as there was a bounty looming over your head.

One day, you found yourself engaging with him in another deal. Yet, for the first time since your acquaintanceship, you felt an unfamiliar detachment and a complete absence of any desire to be intimate with him. The usual routine played out as he poured you a glass of wine, brushed his fingers along your thigh, and tenderly kissed the side of your neck. It felt nice, warm, and tantalizing, yet the familiar spark that once existed between you seemed to have vanished.

Or rather, as he drew closer to you, the image of Mihawk's golden eyes flashed vividly in your mind.

He was completely taken aback when you distanced yourself, but staying true to his gentlemanly demeanor, he could only honor your request and withdraw. Feeling a momentary embarrassment, he quickly cleared his throat and responded with a kind smile when you apologized.

“No harm done, sweetheart. I can't expect you to be in the mood all the time," he reassured you.

"Thank you, Isaiah. I'm just feeling a bit tired today," you replied, not quite sure how to fully describe your current state.

The man let out a soft chuckle. "I don't doubt that. You're never in one place for too long. But, are you sure you're not thinking about someone else? You can tell me, I won't be offended.”

Your attention snapped back to his face, eyes widening and cheeks turning pink. "What gave you that idea?”

He shrugged, cleaning his emptied glass. "It's just that you've been in all sorts of moods, and you've never turned me down before. Not to mention, you seem a little distracted today and barely touched your drink," he explained.

You vigorously shook your head. "Nothing like that. You know I'm not interested in love, anyway."

“Things can change.”

"Not for someone as wanted as I am.”

He looked at you in silence, his eyebrow raised and his lips curled into a soft grin. "You deserve so much better than this."

“Do I, really?”

"The lifestyle you lead, it suits you well, but you're just too good for what you get in return," he expressed. "You are honest, kind, and honorable. All qualities that don't really go well with today's standards, especially in the open sea.”

As you made slight movements with your hand, your eyes remained fixed on the ripples that formed and elegantly danced on the surface of the crimson liquid remaining in your glass. "In all honesty, I don't even know what I want," you admitted. "Every day, I find myself engaged in a constant battle for my own survival. It's draining, yet there's also a strange thrill that accompanies it. Does that even make sense? At this point, I don't even know what to do with my life anymore.”

Isaiah laughed, returning to his chair and crossing his arms. "I’m sure you'll figure it out. In the meantime, I'll continue to keep you as my exclusive supplier, for as long as you allow me to.”

You offered him a smile, placing the glass on the table and gracefully leaving your seat. "Your support is truly valuable, Isaiah.”

"Of course. That's what friends are for.”

"Friends..." you mused, cherishing the warmth of the word. Ever since you left your hometown, you didn’t have anyone to rely on.

In the end, Isaiah was perhaps the closest thing you could find to a friend. While there were a few additional benefits that made him a little more special, he remained a good friend nonetheless.

"That's what we are, aren't we? I certainly consider you to be one.”

As you walked away, a glimmer of delight sparkled in your eyes, embracing the newfound certainty. "Indeed," you replied with a cheerful tone, before bidding farewell to the merchant and disappearing into the night, leaving his headquarters behind.

Three weeks later, you were beginning to lose hope of ever meeting Dracule Mihawk again.

It was what you had wished from the beginning. You didn't want to constantly feel his presence looming over your shoulder wherever you went. Now he was gone, nowhere to be found, distant from your reach. Just as it was meant to be.

And for some reason, you hated it.

It was frustrating to feel such a powerful attraction towards someone you had only properly met once. Not even Isaiah, with his charm and good presence, had ever evoked such intense emotions within you. For a while, you made every effort to get as much information as possible, trying to uncover the Warlord’s whereabouts. He continued to remain as elusive as a shrewd bird of prey, a figure so mysterious and feared that even pirates themselves would hesitate to utter his name.

Eventually, you made the decision to gather yourself and let go of the feelings stirring deep inside. You carried on with your life to the best of your abilities, determined to consider him a mere shadow of the past.

And it worked. Little by little, as you kept yourself occupied with various tasks to earn your Berries, you were beginning to forget about the Warlord and your ridiculous infatuation. He was nothing more than a peculiar apparition, someone you had encountered along your journey and parted ways with.

Until one day, unexpectedly, you crossed paths with him again.

After a lengthy sea voyage and the exploration of a new town, you sought solace in a lively tavern. The crowded atmosphere provided a sense of comfort as you took a seat at the bar counter, savoring a refreshing drink by yourself. The air was filled with joyous laughter and the melodies of sea shanties. People from all corners of the world congregated, sharing meals and a myriad of stories that transcended cultural boundaries. The tavern became a vibrant tapestry of diverse perspectives, with groups of friends reunited to find a moment of respite and tranquility in each other's company.

Your ears were attuned, eagerly seeking out snippets of conversation that could offer valuable insights or opportunities.

As you savored your drink, a man settled comfortably next to you, his presence feeling somewhat intrusive. He ordered a fine bottle of rum, his voice booming and his large tattooed bicep brushing against your shoulder, invading your personal space. You attempted to brush it off and focus on your own affairs, but now the man's attention was fully focused on you.

"What’s a fair lass like ye doin' 'ere alone?"

You rolled your eyes in response, gulping down the cocktail to deflect any interaction.

"Not much of a talker, ey?”

You turned your head, meeting his bearded face, and offered an innocent smile. “Just savorin' me drink, matey," you replied, playfully mimicking his accent.

The man snickered in amusement as he filled his glass. "I must admit, it be quite a bold move for ye to come 'ere, with so many people around."

"It is meant to be crowded. If it weren't, the innkeeper would surely go broke," you replied.

"He! Ye speak true,” he said, enjoying the camaraderie.

You held his gaze without wavering, your instincts on high alert as you tried to discern his true intentions. While he might appear as a man attempting to make a connection with a random lady at the bar, something about him felt off, leaving you unable to pinpoint exactly what it was.

"I be merely surprised, lass. Wasn't expectin' the likes of the Cutthroat herself to be frequentin' these public haunts.”

The moment he mentioned the nickname they had bestowed upon you in the wake of your crimes, all doubts faded away. The acknowledgment in his words validated that he was aware of your true identity, and it was highly likely that you were precisely what he had been seeking all along.

You inhaled deeply, momentarily frozen in place, your glass suspended mid-air. Striving to keep your composure, you casually crossed your legs and averted your gaze, pretending to be unfazed by the revelation.

"What can I say? I have a fondness for a good glass of Daiquiri from time to time," you replied, mustering a normal tone as you attempted to divert the conversation.

"Refined palates do tend to gather,” he said, nodding in agreement. "Tell ye what, lass. I'll let ye finish yer drink, but after that, ye'll be comin' with me," he declared.

You raised an eyebrow, feigning ignorance as you questioned, "Is that so? And what if I refuse?”

"I'm afraid ye don't have much choice.”

The sound of a gun hammer being cocked pierced through the clamor of the crowded tavern, capturing your attention. Your eyes landed on the alarming sight of him discreetly aiming a pistol at you from beneath the counter, his hand resting on his lap.

"Yer fortunate that I ain't one for attractin' attention," he whispered, his voice laced with a warning.

You smiled once again, a hint of defiance in your expression, as you twirled your finger along the edge of the glass. "My, ain't ye a humble man," you quipped with a touch of sarcasm.

Casting a discreet glance around, you came to the unsettling realization that nobody in the vicinity seemed to be cognizant of the imminent danger he represented or the impending pandemonium that was about to erupt in their midst.

"Aye, wouldn't want to deprive ye of yer very last Daiquiri.”

You theatrically touched your heart, a funny expression playing on your face. "Aw, how touching. Comin' from a man who wishes to end my life.”

"Sorry, lass. It ain't personal. I make a living out of takin' down the likes of ye."

A sigh of resignation escaped your lips as you ran your hands wearily across the rough texture of the wooden counter. You met the bartender's inquisitive gaze as he diligently polished tankards, tilting his head to the side.

"I'm sorry," you told him, preemptively expressing remorse for what you were about to do.

Before the bartender could inquire further, you swiftly emptied your glass and stood up. Without giving it too much thought, you shattered the glass against the hunter's head, simultaneously grabbing the back of his shirt and forcefully pulling him backward. In one seamless motion, you gripped the hand that held the gun, effectively disarming him with a single, unexpected move.

‘Too easy.’

With the weapon firmly in your possession, you pressed the cold barrel against his bleeding head, asserting your dominance over the situation. The bartender sought refuge behind the counter, while the other patrons erupted in gasps of astonishment. A hushed silence fell upon the tavern, every gaze fixated on the unfolding spectacle.

The bounty hunter raised his hands in surrender, his eyes widening as he swallowed hard, clearly caught off guard by the sudden turn of events.

"I've got a busy schedule, matey, so I'm afraid I won't be able to accept your kind offer.”

Hoping to leave the situation as it was, you opted to resolve matters by paying for your drink and the damage caused, dropping some cash onto the counter. Feeling weary from the day’s travels and not wanting to spoil the atmosphere for everyone, the idea of getting into a prolonged and draining altercation was the furthest thing from your mind.

You had clearly set your expectations too high.

The man erupted into a boisterous, hearty laugh, seemingly unfazed by the blood trickling down his face. "Ye think it'll be as simple as that? Ye be sorely mistaken.”

Suddenly, more men emerged from the crowd, brandishing their weapons. They immediatly closed in, forming a tight circle around you, guns and swords at the ready. Menacing and resolute, they held their fighting stances, leaving you completely trapped and vastly outnumbered for the first time.

‘Well, shit.’

The bartender, who had just emerged from his hiding spot, let out a shrill scream of terror and hastily retreated back into hiding, disappearing from sight once more.

"And you said you didn't want to draw attention," you sneered. "A whole group of heavily armed brutes against a lone woman? What a pathetic bunch of scum.”

The hunter's voice reverberated, echoing through the tense air. “Like I said, lass, it ain't personal. They'd pay a hefty sum for ye."

"I’m flattered.”

Your eyes flickered, darting from one assailant to another. Your mind raced, meticulously analyzing every nook and cranny of the tavern, searching for potential escape routes and formulating strategies for self-defense. You studied every detail with utmost focus, seeking a way to ensure your survival.

Fortunately, you had honed your instincts to a razor-sharp edge, and you had no intention of wasting a single moment. With determination in your eyes, you advanced toward the hunter, wrapping your arm firmly around his neck in a tight hold. His pistol remained securely in your grip, further enhancing your leverage in this tense standoff.

And thus, the show began.

As expected, the guns aimed in your direction were fired, unleashing a torrent of shots that filled the air with a deafening roar. Drawing upon every ounce of strength, you lifted the hunter's body just in time, using him as a shield against the incoming barrage of bullets. They striked him repeatedly with a relentless onslaught targeting his head, face, and chest. He could barely utter a protest as the fatal shots found their mark, his body succumbing to the overwhelming force of the gunfire.

You propelled the lifeless body of the hunter forward, creating a momentary diversion that captured the attention of your attackers. You kicked a nearby table, sending it crashing to the ground, and sought cover behind the overturned furniture. Kneeling down behind the impromptu barricade, you protected yourself as the assassins continued their assault. With the gun firmly in hand, steady and precise, you emerged from the side of the table. The first bullet hit one of the hunters in the upper leg, causing him to crumple in agony. You didn’t stop, adjusting your aim and firing again, this time shooting another man squarely in the chest. He crashed to the ground, his body lying motionless in a pool of blood.

The remaining hunters ran forward, wielding their sharp blades as they struck the table, severing it and forcing you to roll away for cover. You retrieved your own pistol from its belt holster, unleashing a barrage of well-aimed shots with both guns simultaneously, causing them to recoil in surprise.

Reaching for your sword, you unsheathed it, blocking a powerful blow that nearly knocked you off balance. You were struggling to find clarity as you fought to catch your breath, the intensity of the battle taking its toll, leaving you physically and mentally exhausted.

The tavern resounded with the deafening clang of blades, the sharp crack of gunshots, and the visceral grunts of those engaged in combat. You delivered a flurry of quick slashes, powerful punches, and precise kicks, fighting back against the attacks and successfully defeating another opponent. However, with each new assailant that appeared, your optimism dwindled.

Despite your strength, agility, and sharp wit, the sheer number of enemies was just too much for you to handle alone. As a particularly forceful knee landed in your stomach, causing you to double over in agonizing pain, you felt as though you had reached the limits of your options and there was nothing left for you to attempt.

You had depleted all the ammunition in your guns, and there was no opportunity to replenish them with a fresh set. Your sword slipped from your grasp and fell to the floor, sliding just far enough away that you couldn't retrieve it.

As the man who kicked you raised his axe high, aiming for your neck, desperation fueled your actions. Your hand instinctively tightened around one of the stools, intending to hurl it in his direction. With a surge of adrenaline, you poised to launch the stool, hoping to disrupt his attack and seize an opportunity for a counterattack.

Yet, it became evident to anyone present that you had miscalculated your timing.

In a stroke of incredible luck or perhaps the intervention of destiny, a distinctively black blade intercepted the deadly slash with a resounding clang. The sudden impact sent the assassin tumbling over, crashing forcefully onto his back.

The resounding vibrations of metal filled your ears, resonating throughout your entire being. They flowed through your form, eliciting an involuntary shiver that enveloped you from head to toe.

And there he stood, Dracule Mihawk, a figure of immense power and regality. His mere presence demanded attention as he surveyed the battlefield with his hawk-like eyes, radiating an aura of authority. The intensity of Mihawk's gaze seemed to pierce through the very souls of your adversaries, transforming their once-veiled confidence into sheer terror.

"It... it's him!" One of the men exclaimed, his voice trembling with fear. "It's Dracule Mihawk!”

"What... here...? It can't be...!" Another hunter stammered.

The brute who had previously aimed to sever your head from your shoulders kicked his feet frantically, desperately attempting to create more distance between himself and the legendary swordsman. “N-no…! We… we need to leave!”

The sight of your enemies scrambling in fear, darting back and forth and uttering curses, struck you as comical. Meanwhile, Mihawk remained steadfast and resolute, his eyes calmly surveying the scene as his sword hovered just above the floor.

One by one, the hunters hastily fled from the tavern, escaping the scene of frightened patrons desperately seeking safety. Broken furniture lay strewn about, serving as a grim reminder of the battle that had just transpired, with three lifeless bodies and streaks of blood scattered around. Regaining your breath, you leaned on the stool for support as you pulled yourself up. Pressing one hand against your aching stomach, you steadied yourself and took a moment to survey the aftermath of what had unquestionably been the most dangerous battle of your life.

With a fluid and practiced movement, Mihawk secured his blade on his back, ensuring that it was safely stowed away. As he relaxed his shoulders, a tangible sense of calm and assurance seemed to fill the atmosphere. His mere presence radiated a power that served as a formidable deterrent, dissuading anyone else from daring to venture forth.

In that moment, you were uncertain of how to react. Your gaze remained locked on the back of Mihawk's head, his dark locks cascading from beneath his imposing hat. As the need for communication lingered in the air, you felt an urgency to find the right words to express yourself.

This was certainly not how you had hoped to meet the Warlord again.

Your brain felt drained and incapable of functioning at its usual capacity. The fatigue and mental exhaustion led to a slip of the tongue, and the words that escaped your lips were far from what you had intended to say. "What are you doing here?”

Finally, Mihawk turned around, his golden eyes locking with yours in a piercing stare. Time seemed to stand still as you eagerly waited for an answer that didn't come.

”Are you following me again?" you asked, the unintentional sternness in your voice betraying a mix of irritation and curiosity.

"I said I would not, and I stay true to my word," he declared, his voice calm and composed.

"So you're here by mere coincidence?" you questioned with a hint of skepticism.

He rolled his eyes upward, his gesture conveying boredom and exasperation. "As a matter of fact, I was.”

You couldn't understand why you were harboring such bitterness, particularly considering that he was the sole reason your head remained attached to your neck. Perhaps it was the feeling of defeat fueling your emotions, or maybe it was the fact that you appeared slightly worse for wear.

It was all over, and you were still alive.

However, the shock of placing yourself in jeopardy in a public setting only heightened the frustration that had been building inside of you for quite some time. Dealing with two or three bounty hunters at once was well within your capabilities, but being surrounded by an entire crew of them was an outcome you had never considered before.

In hindsight, as a wanted criminal, you should have taken into consideration all possible scenarios.

They chose to carry out their assassination in a crowded public place, without any regard for the innocent people who were simply trying to enjoy a peaceful meal or drink. That simply provided undeniable evidence of the existence of avaricious, self-centered, and utterly detestable beings in the world. Of course, given the circumstances, they were left with limited options: either you complied with being forcibly taken away or you resisted and fought back against your captors. But they displayed no signs of remorse or hesitation in carrying out the beheading in front of numerous young spectators, showing a complete lack of concern or empathy.

To them, your identity as a woman held little value, as their desire for wealth and status overshadowed principles of justice and common sense. You were reduced to nothing more than a prize, just like any other pirate with a bounty on their head.

It wasn't a new realization, but it reinforced your vulnerability and highlighted how ill-suited you still were for this kind of life. The question loomed: what if a similar situation were to occur again? What if you were to find yourself cornered by an even larger group of predators, without the presence of someone like Mihawk nearby to come to your aid?

That thought intensified the ache in your stomach, and you felt an urgent need to escape and inhale some fresh air.

With a spur of energy, you straightened up and turned on your feet. As you hurriedly moved, you quickly snatched your sword from the floor, propelling yourself towards the door and bursting out. The sun was descending, bathing the streets in a gentle, warm light, painting them in hues of orange and gold. The sea breeze carried with it the invigorating scent of salt, which you welcomed into your lungs to sweep away the growing anxiety.

You heard the soothing footsteps approaching you from behind, instantly recognizing the person without needing any confirmation.

"I had everything under control," you lied, pride concealing your true emotions.

"It was a match of ten against one. You handled yourself quite admirably, if only for a moment.”

You scoffed. "How long have you been there?”

"You're lucky that I arrived just in the nick of time.”

Did he truly have the opportunity to assess the situation, counting the bodies, before intervening? Or was it a deliberate choice for him to wait until you were on the verge of succumbing before coming to your aid?

You placed your hands on your hips and took a few deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly. In that moment, "lucky" was the most apt word to describe you either way.

"You were right," you muttered. "One of these days, I might end up getting myself killed.”

"Not if you learn the art of laying low," he replied.

Raising an eyebrow, you spun around to face him again. "I can't exactly isolate myself on my ship."

His head tilted slightly with a quizzical expression displayed upon it. "Confinement is not what I was referring to.”

The longer you studied him, the more challenging it became to interpret his attitude. Although he had mentioned finding you intriguing during your previous encounter, you still couldn’t fathom the true motive behind his benevolence towards you.

But as the sun sank below the horizon, casting a soft glow upon his jaw, chin, and lips, you made the decision that, for now, you didn't quite care about unraveling the mystery.

After all, you were gazing directly at the man who had just rescued you from the brink of death.

As sunlight caressed your face, a kind, sincere smile spread across your lips. Your eyes naturally reacted and transformed, becoming brighter and more radiant in color. You could still hear the commotion from inside the tavern, but the tranquility of the street and the breeze blowing through your hair and his coat gave you the feeling that the rest of the world had faded away.

Mihawk's lips parted slowly, signaling his intention to say more. Yet, no words escaped his mouth, and he maintained unbroken eye contact with you, without even a single blink.

It was one of the most peculiar moments you had ever experienced in your life. As your eyes remained locked, the connection you had initially felt when you first gazed into those golden irises resurfaced. It was a bond as powerful as the imprinting between animals, except in this case, you had once been his prey, soaring away like a gull fleeing from a falcon.

Your stomach was in pain, but this time, it was due to an entirely different reason.

With your heart pounding in your chest, you summoned the courage to look away. You briefly glanced at the harbor in the distance, only to find yourself snapping your attention back to him just a few seconds later.

"Let me offer you a drink in my quarters," you said with a spark of boldness. "It's the least I can do after you saved my life.”

For a moment, you feared he would decline your invitation, as his firm stare seemed devoid of any particular emotion.

With a barely perceptible nod, he uttered his words in the most apathetic tone, yet to you, they sounded like the sweetest melody to ever grace your ears. "A drink wouldn’t hurt.”

A delighted grin spread across your face as you took a few steps backward, then performed an elegant spin, walking away from the tavern and heading straight towards your vessel, embraced by the enchantment of dawn.

The steady sound of his boots hitting the ground assured you that he was following closely behind you.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 (currently reading) Go to Chapter 3 ->

#one piece liveaction #dracule mihawk #opla mihawk #dracule mihawk x reader #mihawk x reader

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 1 year

Text

Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 24

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Dieter Bravo X OFC New as of 10/11/2023

SUPPORT YOUR CREATORS. REBLOGGING & COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED.

Series Rating: Explicit (18+)

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk. Chapter Warning: Heavy themes in this chapter. That is all I will say so as not to ruin anything. Feel free to reach out for more details before reading.

Chapter Quote: "Why? Are you afraid you might actually feel something?

In the days that followed Gabby’s visit, I couldn’t shake off her obvious concern for her brother’s wellbeing, or the details of what he had been up to. Before our conversation, I was doing well to keep my thoughts about him at bay. But now, images of his darkened eyes and broken appearance would creep in when I was least expecting it. Knowing he was unwilling to engage with Gabby and Alex was the biggest red flag of them all. It made me question whether he was doing okay. Knowing that the answer was most likely a “no”, weighed heavily on me. Even so, it felt like none of it mattered anymore. There was nothing I could do to change his behavior or help him. If there was one thing he had made clear during our unexpected encounter, it was that he did not care about my thoughts or feelings any longer.

The constant pressure of these new intrusive thoughts caused me to further throw myself into my work. It was one of the few things that I could control in my life. Working overtime nearly every day was starting to wear me out, but it was exactly what I needed to stay distracted at all times. I reasoned that if I decided to take a new position, everything had to be in order. Therefore, I poured myself in making sure there would be detailed instructions for whoever would be taking over my duties.

It was 6 PM and I was two hours into preparing a detailed account audit report when I heard the downstairs door open, followed by Lauren yelling to announce herself. I called back to let her know I was in my office, where she appeared a little later holding two coffees from our favorite local spot. Without a word, she walked in and set one down on the desk beside my laptop. I glanced up at her, surprised by her unexpected visit, and by the fact she came bearing gifts in the form of sugar and caffeine.

“Thanks for not scaring this shit out of me this time,” I said with a smile as I reached for the coveted beverage and took a sip. She laughed nervously. I eyed her, picking up on her weird vibes.

“Alright, what’s going on?” I asked as I leaned back in my chair.

“Nothing is going on… per se.”

“If this is about that infamous stray cat...” I trailed off as I raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

“What ca… oooh no. No, the cat is a non-issue. He’s been good the last few days.” A wide grin spread across her face.

“One of these days, I do hope you’ll clarify what you’re talking about in reference to that cat…because I’m pretty sure it’s not an actual cat.”

I had a sneaking suspicion that she was seeing someone, I just didn’t know who. It was probably someone I didn’t know, and I figured she was keeping it to herself for now given that my relationship with Dieter had just ended. While I would be excited for her to have met someone, I knew she would feel bad about being in a happy relationship. Even though she had no reason to feel that way. That was Lauren logic 101.

Lauren chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought of a reply, finally responding with, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I told you; it was a stray. He’s just hanging out until I figure out what to do with him.”

Her intense inspection of her fingernails as she spoke was a dead giveaway though. Clearly, she didn’t want to look at me directly, afraid that she just might give something away. I rolled my eyes at her and shrugged. She quickly changed the subject.

“So, as you know, next week is our birthday week…” She paused as she gave me a mischievous smile, letting the anticipation build up.

Given that our birthdays were four days apart, she had always used it as an excuse to celebrate for the full week rather than the usual one day a year.

“Yeah, what of it?” I eyed her dubiously.

I wasn’t sure if I was in the mood for any of her crazy plans this year. Two years ago, she conned me into doing indoor skydiving as a way to loosen up and have fun, which resulted in me getting a busted lip. I vowed to never let her drag me into anything like that again. Last year I managed to avoid the epic week of celebration due to the whole divorce fiasco, but apparently, she was not going to give me that courtesy this year.

“I found a place that’s having a karaoke team competition next weekend. It’s 90’s themed, so it’s right up our alley.”

She gave me a hopeful, yet nervous smile as she awaited my response.

I couldn’t help but scoff at her as I gave her a skeptical look. “You want me to do karaoke? We haven’t done that since college.”

“Exactly! We haven’t, and we used to have so much fun. We also kicked ass at it. I think we could totally win.”

The excitement was visible on her face as she spoke.

“Fucking hell. You said it’s a team though. How many on a team?” I asked, hoping there might be a way out of this.

“We only need three people for three rounds. Kerrie already said she’s in.”

“Kerrie? Of course she did...” I dropped my head, laughing in defeat. I knew she wasn’t going to let this go.

“So, what would we win? I wanna know what I’m about to sell my soul for.” I took a drink of my coffee as I continued to weigh my options on how to get out of this predicament.

“There are a few choices, but the one I am shooting for is the spa day. It’s the most expensive package too!”

“Here’s a thought… how about we skip the karaoke and go straight for the spa day. I’ll pay for it. My treat!” I suggested hopefully, but she shook her head, looking like a petulant child with crossed arms and a scowl on her face.

“No. A spa birthday isn’t fun…it’s relaxing. We can do that later. I want some actual fun for our birthdays. It’s been way too long, and we can all use it.”

I gave her a skeptical look, “We have two very different definitions of fun.” I chuckled as she rolled her eyes at me.

“Come on. It’s just one song…five minutes or less of your life that will give us wonderful memories for years to come.” Her hopeful smile had returned.

“Exactly, that’s my concern”. I sighed, figuring that I’d better choose my battles wisely. “Ok, fine. No breakup songs for me though. I refuse.”

She squealed as she clapped her hands together and bounced up and down in the seat. She then proceeded to start throwing out song ideas, starting with her favorite Shania Twain song.

“Look, if we’re gonna do this, don’t be picking stuff that everybody else is gonna pick. I guarantee everyone and their mother will sing that damn Man, I Feel Like a Woman song.”

She pouted, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Fine, I’ll come up with an epic playlist for us. Don’t worry.”

I scoffed as I finished my coffee, shaking my head at her, “Please. All I do is worry when it comes to your scheming plans.”

She gave me a disapproving glare as she raised her hand to flip me off, which caused me to laugh.

The next week flew by in a blur. Kerrie had been excitedly talking about our girl’s night out all week, in the process recruiting Elizabeth and Aubrey to join us as our official hype squad. It was turning into a whole thing at this point. Lauren was taking it to the extreme, which didn’t come as a surprise. She had sent a text to let me know that she had wardrobe plans for us all. She was always so extra.

When Saturday afternoon hit, Lauren came rushing upstairs in a flurry with arms full of bags. Kerrie arrived soon after as Lauren was digging through my closet in search of items she knew were hidden in there somewhere. I let her do her thing as I wrapped up my work and chatted with Kerrie. Once Lauren found what she was looking for, she started laying out our assigned outfits in stacks on the bed. As I watched her, I realized that I had never felt less excited about something as I did right now. After she had everything sorted, she instructed us to get dressed.

There was definitely some serious 90’s nostalgia going on with the clothes she had picked out for us. My outfit consisted of black ripped skinny jeans, combined with stacked heel lace up boots like the pair I used to own, and a white ribbed tank. To top it off, she had grabbed my black leather jacket and a bright purple skinny scarf. Even the accessories were accounted for: a black leather wrap bracelet and black leather cuff, giving the perfect finish to my look. I was also given explicit instructions to wear my hair down in loose waves.

She put Kerrie in a black spaghetti strap midi dress with combat boots, lots of bracelets, a choker necklace, and deep wine-colored leather jacket. Kerrie was instructed to wear her hair down to rock some tight messy curls. Lauren dressed herself in a dark blue mesh floral high-waisted midi skirt with a white crop top, a light blue cardigan, black choker necklace, and black Mary Janes. She wore her hair down and straight.

I stood looking at the two of them as they added the last of their accessories, shaking my head.

“I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Why are we doing this again?”

“Because it’s gonna be fun,” Lauren assured me as she moved to touch up her makeup. “Relax, you’ll be fine. You sing well, so you have nothing to worry about.”

Once again, I was second guessing my decision to go along with this. I felt ridiculous. The other two, however, were more than excited to make up for my lack of enthusiasm.

We took an Uber to the bar where this whole shindig was supposed to go down. The place was huge and packed to the brim with people, which only amped up my anxiety further. At least we were not the only ones who had embraced the 90’s theme; everywhere you looked, people were sporting nostalgic outfits and accessories, which made us blend in easily.

We found Aubrey and Elizabeth inside, seated at a large table near the front of the stage. Lauren’s co-workers from her shop, Nicole and Stephanie, also joined us soon after our arrival, making our table a more sizable party than I had been expecting. We sat chatting amongst ourselves as a server came around to take our drink orders, I promptly ordered a whiskey, which seemed to catch Lauren’s attention.

“What are you doing?” she asked immediately, her tone laced with concern.

“If you want me to do this shit, I’m gonna need at least two of those…maybe three. I’m fine. It’s to relax, not to drown in my sorrows... Not yet, anyway.” She gave me a doubtful look, but let it go. I was finishing off my first round when the karaoke host took center stage, hyping up the crowd for the first-round category of 90’s classic Pop Songs. A girl from Team One, a couple of tables down, was the first to hop on stage and opened with Man, I Feel Like a Woman.

I glanced over at Lauren, “What did I tell you?”

She rolled her eyes at me. A girl from Team Two was introduced as performing the same song. Her excitement seemed slightly deflated now that someone else had already performed her song. I looked over at Lauren again. Before I could even raise an eyebrow, she shook her head and flipped me the bird. She hated it when I was right.

Lauren was up next. She had chosen to sing Christina Aguilera’s What a Girl Wants, which was a solid choice for her. She sounded great, definitely better than the other two. With her buzz kicking in, she wasn’t afraid to work the crowd and throw in some dance moves. Our whole group cheered her on while Kerrie recorded everything on her phone. I think it was safe to say that she absolutely won that round.

The category for round two was rock. Team One started it off with a very drunk gentleman giving Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit a go. It was terrible and he didn’t even bother to try and get the lyrics right.

During his performance, I leaned over to Lauren, “Pray tell what category you have me singing in please?” Her eyes got a little wider before she said, “What? You want another drink you say? I’ll go get that for you!”

She disappeared toward the bar while I glanced over at Kerrie in confusion. She shrugged. “Do you know what you’re singing?” I asked her.

“Yeah, I picked it myself. She didn’t tell you what she picked for you?” she yelled over the music.

I shook my head from side to side, “Do you know?”

It was her turn to shake her head as Team Two got started on their song. They busted out Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Californication. The guy killed it and was going to be hard to beat. Lauren came back just as he was midway through the song and handed me another whiskey, then immediately went to the other end of the table to talk to one of the girls she works with. She was avoiding me. Fuck. That didn’t bode well for me.

When it was Kerrie’s turn, she didn’t seem concerned at all. In fact, she was cool as a cucumber and psyched up as she made her way to the stage. Lauren came back over to stand next to me and hooked her arm with mine as she started recording on her phone with her other hand. Neither of us had ever heard Kerrie sing, so we didn’t know what to expect.

The host announced Kerrie would be singing Meredith Brooks, Bitch. Our whole table started whooping and whistling as the music started. As soon as she opened her mouth, we all absolutely lost our shit. She sounded amazing and had the rocker chick vibes down.

Lauren looked over at me, “We are totally fucking winning this!” as she started dancing along to the music and yelling, “Yaaaaas bitch” toward the stage. Kerrie worked the stage and the crowd like no one else had. On the "I'm a bitch, I'm a tease, I'm a goddess on my knees” line she did a seductive roll and wiggle of her hips that sent the place into a frenzy. Once she was finished, she did a dramatic bow before exiting the stage and running over to our table.

As Kerrie approached us, she announced, “I guess this would be a good time to tell you guys that I was in a rock band in college.”

We all started laughing and scolding her for holding that information back. It certainly would have taken some stress off Lauren to know that.

I was taken out of the celebratory spirit when the host announced the category for round three. I could feel my stomach drop when he said “90’s Love Songs.” My head snapped toward Lauren who froze as she was raising a glass to her lips.

“Love songs? Are you fucking kidding me?” The frustration was clear on my face.

She lowered her glass and set it on the table, “Hey, you just said no breakup songs. It’s not a breakup song. Also, your voice is amazing, and you’ll be going last which means it’ll be the freshest on their minds. I do not regret my decision.” She shrugged.

“Yeah, well, I do. This is not a good idea.” I said, shaking my head.

“Why? Are you afraid you might actually feel something?” She raised an eyebrow at me, daring me to say the truth.

I drew my brows down together at her words. I didn’t know how to respond. I let out a loud huff and walked away toward the bar, immediately ordering another whiskey. I sat staring at the swirls in the wood grain as I listened to a decent rendition of K-Ci & JoJo’s All My Life play behind me. I could feel my heart racing as I downed the whiskey and asked for another. Halfway through Bon Jovi’s Always, I got up and made my way back toward the front.

Everyone at the table stared at me in silence. Lauren looked like she was stuck between feelings of anger and fear of what was about to happen. I finished off my latest glass and took my jacket off as the current song ended. I still didn’t even know which song she had picked for me to sing, which was probably a good thing. Having time to dwell on it wouldn’t help.

The host called me up. As I was walking, he announced the song, Shania Twain's, You’ve Got a Way. Looks like she still got her fucking Shania Twain song in. I let out a slow breath, followed by a low “fuck” as I took the microphone from the guy. He gave me a questioning look and I returned it with a tight smile. I was feeling a little unsteady on my feet by this point, so I walked over to grab a stool that was sitting to the side of the stage, brought it out to the middle, and took a seat. I nodded at the DJ, who cued up the music. The words appeared on a TV screen that hung on the front of the upstairs balcony, but I didn’t need them. I knew this one.

(If you would like to give the song a listen while you read, it is linked below... Fic continues after the jump.)

I focused on the back wall at first, attempting to let autopilot mode kick in, but it wasn’t happening. I didn’t make it far before the memories of Dieter started to flash through my mind. It started on the first verse, but the chorus is what hit me the hardest. Each time I repeated it, I was hit with a new memory. I was left feeling raw and exposed as the song went on.

It's in the way you want me

Dieter standing in the doorway between our suites, admitting he couldn’t stop thinking about kissing me… running his hands along my collarbone as we watched that stupid zombie movie… standing in front of me in the kitchen, running his hands up my thighs.

It's in the way you hold me

Dieter holding me in his arms every night as we slept…always grabbing my hand tightly to ease my anxiety… swaying slowly with his arms around me as we danced in Sonoma.

The way you show me just what love's made of

Dieter always being positive and supportive of everything I did… doing all the things that Justin never would… planning the perfect weekend away in Sonoma and trusting me with his past so that he could move on from it.

It's in the way we make love

Our intense emotional connection during our last night together in New York…our first night back together after the club… our intimate nights together in Sonoma.

I could feel the energy shift in the room around me. The tension was palpable as the emotion started to crack my voice a little bit. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes and it was taking everything in me to hold them back.

Oh, how I adore you, Like no one before you, I love you just the way you are.

That line finally broke me. A tear slowly slid down my cheek as I realized I would never feel that way about anyone again. I would never be able to let him go. I kept my eyes focused on the wall in the back of the room, trying to keep the sobs from escaping my lips as I finished up the last repeat of the chorus.

Once the song came to an end, it was completely silent in the room for a time. Then applause slowly broke out. I quickly wiped at my face before exiting the stage and walking directly over to the bar, ordering another drink. I sat with my face in my hands as the bartender slid another round in front of me. I could hear the host behind me giving instructions to the crowd about how to vote online. I tried to drown it out as I stared at the wood grain on the bar again.

Out of my periphery, I could see Lauren take a few tentative steps toward me. I looked up at her, unsure if I was pissed or not. She reached up and put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic look.

“I’m sorry, I honestly wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from you.”

“What the hell kind of reaction did you expect?” I turned my body to face her, the frustration clear on my face. I was angry at her, but at the same time I knew that my struggle wasn’t her fault. She wasn’t trying to get me upset intentionally.

“I dunno, I just thought it might make you reconsider things. I wasn’t expecting tears.” She gave me a pouty look, “I’m sorry. I should have consulted with you about it.”

I let out a slow breath, “Don’t worry about it. I guess that part is on me.”

She gave me a weak smile, “If it makes you feel better, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house after that.”

I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I raised my glass for another drink, finishing it off quickly, “I think I’m gonna head home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I decided. I was feeling agitated from all the noise and just wanted to be at home where it was considerably quieter.

“You mean you’re not gonna stay for the results?” She looked disappointed, but I needed to get away and clear my head before I went into a full spiral again.

I knitted my brows together as I shook my head from side to side. She pulled me in for a tight hug, “Shoot me a text and let me know how it goes, yeah?” She gave me a small nod as she pulled away. I followed her back over to our table to grab my jacket and phone. I waved bye to everyone before heading outside and getting an uber.

The memories came rushing in during my ride home. I couldn’t stop them no matter how hard I tried. I managed to keep it together until I walked into the house. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I leaned against it and slid down to the floor. The tears came flooding out between sobs as I mourned the loss of what we had and the possibilities of what we could have had. It was something that I hadn’t fully allowed myself to do.

I sat crying for some time before I heard my phone vibrate on the floor beside me. I wiped my face as I tried to catch my breath. I reached for my phone and found a text from Lauren.

LAUREN: We totally kicked ass. Let me know when you’re ready for that spa day we earned!

ME: Excited to hear that. I’m ready when you are!

My response conveyed more excitement than I felt. I couldn’t have cared less at that moment. I sighed as I pulled myself up off the floor and moved to get ready for bed. I still felt slightly buzzed after laying down, but somehow managed to fall asleep soon after.

I woke up around 6 AM the next morning, feeling like death. I stumbled into the bathroom and splashed some warm water over my face. My eyes looked slightly swollen from crying, so I held a warm rag against them for a few minutes, which seemed to help some. I decided to go for a run, just to have a mindless task to keep me busy. I got dressed in my workout gear, pulled my messy hair back into a ponytail, and walked outside. It was a little chilly and I noticed everything was still covered in light morning dew as I put my air pods in and started my playlist. I took off in a jog in the opposite direction of Dieter’s house, toward the more populated area of town. The streets were still mostly empty at this hour on a Sunday morning. Many of the businesses either weren’t open yet or were closed for the day. It was an eerie calm that somehow filled me with a dreaded sense of foreboding.

As I was trying to push that feeling to the back of my mind, I rounded the corner of one of the local businesses and crashed into someone. I stumbled backwards slightly and looked down in time to see one of my air pods falling from my ear. Somehow, I managed to catch it as I regained my footing, swaying for a moment as my head still reeled from last night’s drinks. I was apologizing for my clumsiness before I even had a chance to see who I had bumped into, trying to catch my breath. “Fuck, sorry, I –”, I blurted out, looking up to see who I had crashed into. I was met by two dark eyes staring back at me in confusion. It was the same eyes that had been on my mind last night during karaoke. Dieter.

His eyes were watery and bloodshot, but surprisingly alert for the early hour. He stared at me blankly for a moment before he knitted his brows together, the set of his jaw tensing as he looked me up and down. He didn’t move or speak, but I could tell his breathing seemed to become shallower the longer he stood there, reminding me of how he looked after the first time I woke him from his nightmare on my couch. I couldn’t bear to see him like this.

I could feel my face tighten as we both held each other’s gaze. Something deep in the pit of my stomach stirred, opening up and threatening to swallow me whole. I could feel my entire body tense as my emotions threatened to spill out. The memories flashed through my mind; everything from last night, the conversation with Gabby, our encounter at the restaurant, the way he had sounded on the phone that night when he ended things, and a whole slew of moments from the time we had spent together before everything fell apart. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t unbridle my emotions and fall apart here in front of him. With effort I tore my gaze away from him and took a deep breath, digging my nails into the palm of the hand which held my air pod. The pain helped me snap out of my thoughts long enough to decide on my next move. Before I lost my nerve, I put the air pod back in my ear, stepped around him, and continued jogging at my previous pace. I was almost certain I could feel his eyes on my back until I was finally out of sight.

I cut my run short and headed back in the direction of my house, trying to shake off the numb feeling that was starting to overtake me. What the hell was he doing out this early? Where had he been? Or where was he going? I slowed to a brisk walk as I turned onto my street, thinking through the businesses that were near where I had bumped into him. There was a 24-hour convenience store nearby. Maybe he was going there?

My phone buzzed with a text from Lauren, which surprised me considering her late-night activities - it was barely 8 AM. The screen lit up with her message when I unlocked the phone.

LAUREN: Call me as soon as you’re up, please.

That didn’t sound good. As if I needed something else to worry about right now. I sighed as I punched in the lock code to my front door. Once I was inside, I called her.

“Hello?” She sounded nervous.

“What’s up?” I asked as I wiped the sweat off my forehead with my sleeve before grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

“Ummmm, I’m going to assume you haven’t seen any of the gossip sites today, have you?”

I sighed as I sat down at the kitchen table, switching to speaker phone so I had my hands free to open the bottle. I had a feeling I already knew where this was going.

“No, do I even need to ask why?”

Lauren was silent for a minute, “There are videos from last night. Like, a lot of fucking videos.”

I wished I could say that I was surprised, but I really wasn’t. I suddenly felt a wave of nausea run through me. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” I leaned my head into one of my hands as I let out a long breath, “I actually thought we were past all that shit.”

I heard Lauren suck air between her teeth before she spoke, “Well, they’re making a big deal out of you being emotional. They’re reading between the lines and running with it.”

I squeezed the bridge of my nose, “I knew I shouldn’t have fucking gone last night. I can’t believe I let you talk me into it.”

I could hear Lauren shuffling around on her end. “You know what, it needed to happen,” she then said matter of factly.

I pulled my hand away from my face, feeling a little stunned at her tone. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’ve been giving off the impression that you’re fine and have moved on when you haven’t. I know you haven’t. I can tell you're still hurting, even if you won’t admit it to yourself. He needs to see that. He needs to know what he did to you.” She paused briefly. “If this is a way for that to happen, then so be it.”

For the first time ever, Lauren had literally stunned me into silence.

I scoffed, “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

“Good. Don’t say anything because I don’t want to hear any more excuses. You need to get your head out of your ass and stop avoiding everything,” she said in a rush.

I could hear her take a deep breath before she continued in an oddly pleasant tone, “Now, I have things to do. I’m gonna let you go. I’ll text you later.”

I couldn’t help but to chuckle at her abrupt change in attitude, “Oook, I look forward to your text.”

“Ok. Good. Bye.”

She hung up without giving me the chance to say goodbye. That was just as bizarre as the cat thing. What the hell has gotten into that girl?

I sat staring at the wall, my right hand tapping on my left shoulder, thinking through what she said. Had he seen those videos? Is that why he was looking at me like that? I couldn’t tell if he was upset, mad, or high on something. Was I the asshole for not even trying to talk to him? Why would I, after the way he talked to me last time? I had so many conflicting thoughts and feelings running through my mind, I didn’t know how to process it all.

What I did know is that I couldn’t keep running into him like that. It was too much and wasn’t going to help with the healing process. I know Lauren would say I was avoiding the issue, but I needed to be away from him. Somehow, I needed to start over. For the first time since Carrington had offered me the new position, I was leaning toward an answer. Silicon Valley was beginning to feel less like an opportunity, and more like the escape I desperately needed.

My phone buzzed on the table, breaking me away from my thoughts. It was a text from Kerrie.

KERRIE: Just so you know, videos from last night are literally everywhere.

I sighed. A second text from her came through with a link to a TMZ article. I opened it, noting the time stamp was late last night, with several updates added since. I hit play on one of the many videos of me singing. I almost didn’t recognize myself. The look on my face was clearly that of someone fighting off emotions. I didn’t look or sound bad, but it was hard to watch without it evoking some type of sad emotion - without it bringing up everything that I had been feeling last night and just now when I had run into Dieter. I stopped it before it got to the end and closed the browser window. The last thing I needed right now was to relive that minor breakdown.

There was another video, taken from a distance, of me drinking at the bar before I went up on stage, and another of me at the bar right after when I had been trying to compose myself. The article that accompanied the videos was all pure speculation, suggesting that I was upset about being jilted by one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. I mean, it wasn’t wrong, but they couldn’t possibly know that for sure. I rolled my eyes and tossed my phone back down on the table. On top of everything that was going on, the burden of not being able to go anywhere without being recorded and photographed was suffocating me. It would be one thing if Dieter and I were still together, but we were not. I didn’t understand why they wouldn’t let it go already. Yet another reason to go somewhere else for a fresh start. There’s no way I could possibly be happy here under these conditions.

Trying to keep the anxiety at bay, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, then got up to make a quick breakfast. Afterwards, I showered and settled in for a day of work in my home office. I still had a lot of prep work to do and loose ends to tie up if I was going to accept that job. The hours seemed to melt into each other as they flew by, and before I knew it, the sun was setting as darkness filled the room. Once my laptop was the only source of light, I finally got up to turn on a couple of lamps. As I was about to sit back down at my desk, my phone lit up with an incoming call.

My breath caught in my throat when I saw the name that appeared on the screen. Guy from the Bar. I still hadn’t changed it from what he had entered into my contacts all those months ago. Unable to move at first, I stared at my phone, debating whether to answer the call, until something in my gut told me I needed to.

I could feel every muscle in my body tense as I hit the answer button. “Dieter?”

A deep sigh sounded on the other end of the line before he spoke. “I… I’m surprised you answered.”

His voice sounded rough; the words slurred, throwing the cadence off. He spoke too slow, too laced with whatever he was intoxicated with. I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I listened to him. It took everything I had to control my emotions.

“I assumed you wouldn’t call if you didn’t have a reason.” My legs suddenly felt weak as I sat down at the desk, clutching the phone in my hand.

“I just wanted to…I’m sorry... I… I don’t know what I’m doing. I just want it to stop.” He spoke quickly, his words jumbling together as his voice shook. I could hear a quiet whimper coming from him as his words trailed off.

The nauseous feeling from earlier came back with a vengeance. I felt sick to my stomach, and I could feel a tightness forming in my chest. He didn’t sound right. Something was wrong. Very wrong. “What are you talking about? You want what to stop?”

“The thoughts… feelings.” His breath hitched, then he continued. “It’s just too much. I’ve fucked it all up. All of it. It’s all…” He was quieter now, his voice sounding strained, the words still slurred in a blur of what sounded like tears. Panic began to rise in my chest.

“Where are you? Are you at home?” I stood up, moving to my bedroom to quickly pull on some clothes instead of the pajamas I was wearing. It stayed quiet on the other end of the line. He wasn’t answering me, but I could still hear him breathing.

“Dieter, answer me. Are you at home?” I asked again, trying to not let the panic overflow into my voice. He mumbled something that sounded like there could have been a yes in there somewhere. Then there was a thud, it sounded like he dropped the phone. I could hear a quiet groan in the background, then nothing else but silence. I yelled his name several times, internally begging for him to answer me, but I got no response.

I slid on some sandals and grabbed my keys as I rushed downstairs to the garage, dialing Gabby as I got into my car. When she picked up the phone after a few rings, I didn’t even give her a chance to finish her greeting before I spoke.

“Gabby, something’s wrong. Meet me at Dieter’s house. Do you have a key?”

“Yes, I’m on my way. What happened?” I could hear rustling in the background and the jingle of her keys. She quickly yelled at her husband that something was wrong with Dieter, and she had to leave, followed by the sound of a door slamming before he could respond to her.

“I don’t know. He called me and wasn’t making any sense, then stopped responding… I think he passed out. I’ll see you there in a few,” I said as I pulled out of my driveway. I ended the call before she could reply, realizing that my hands were shaking, and that I needed all my focus to drive over to Dieter’s place.

I was at his house within minutes. Once I parked, I ran to the front door and knocked, then banged on the door when I didn’t get a response right away. The lights were on, but there was no movement inside the house. I tried the doorknob, surprised when I realized it was unlocked. For a moment I hesitated, afraid of what I would find, then pushed the door all the way open and went inside.

As I stepped into the entryway, I was met with an eerie silence. I called out to Dieter, but there was no response. I could feel my breathing going shallow as I walked toward the living room, bracing myself for several possible scenarios. The space was littered with empty and broken liquor bottles, shards covering every surface. The bright orange color of prescription bottles scattered all over the coffee table immediately caught my attention. The place wasn’t just a mess, it was absolutely wrecked. My heart was beating out of my chest, and I could hear the blood pumping in my ears as I took in the sights, still not seeing Dieter. I couldn’t find my voice to say anything, so I just walked further into the living room, desperately hoping to find him.

I nearly slid on the floor as I realized I had stepped into something wet. I followed the trail of spilled liquid, then spotted Dieter lying on the floor behind the couch. His phone was next to him in a puddle of spilled tequila. The mostly empty glass bottle laid near the phone.

My breathing stopped when I saw how pale he looked, and I rushed over to him, mentally shoving down the barrage of emotions that threatened to cloud my mind. None of that mattered. All I cared about was making sure he would be okay. “D? Dieter, I’m here. Can you hear me?” I dropped to my knees next to him and pressed my hands against his face, tilted his head to try to gauge whether he was responsive. He was cold and clammy, not at all like the usual body heat he would radiate. Once again, I forced myself to stay calm and called his name a few more times, shaking him gently to see if that would stir him. “Please don’t do this. Wake up. Dieter, stay with me.” His eyes opened slightly, unfocused and looking vacantly up to the ceiling, then closed again. His breathing remained irregular, barely audible. It was a terrifying sight, seeing him immobile and unresponsive like this.

With effort I managed to turn him onto his side, knowing that was the safest position for him in case he needed to vomit - the last thing we needed was for him to choke on it. “Dieter. Dieter, you have to wake up,” I tried again, slipping my index and middle finger just to the side of his Adam’s apple to check his pulse. It was weak but still present, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Before I could do anything else, I heard someone barge into the house, and I recognized Gabby’s voice calling her brother’s name and mine.

“Over here!”, I yelled, and a few seconds later she stumbled into the living room, freezing in her spot when she saw us on the floor. “No. Dieter!”, she cried, tears in her eyes as stared at her unconscious brother.

“Gabby, listen. Take a breath,” I rushed to tell her before she could do anything else. “He’s got a pulse, but we need to get him to a hospital. I think he has alcohol poisoning.”

Her breathing had started to turn into short, stuttered breaths, and I could see her unravel as she started hyperventilating, eyes fixed on Dieter. “He…”

“Gabby? Gabby,” I kept my voice calm but stern as I called her until her eyes landed on me, and I gave her a reassuring nod. “You need to focus, I can’t do this by myself. Take a breath.” She shook her head as she pulled herself together, her hands trembling as she reached for her phone. “I’ll call 911,” she said, dialing the number. “They…-”

“No, it’ll take too long for them to get here,” I interrupted her, knowing we did not have the luxury of time considering the state he was in. “We need to take him now, ok? Go pull your car up to the front and get back in here, we’ll get him there.”

She left and I tried to wake Dieter again, cradling his body against mine, but he remained unresponsive. Looking around, I remembered the pills on the table. I could see the lids were popped off some of them, but they still looked mostly full. Aside from them and the many shattered bottles of alcohol, there didn’t seem to be any other substances laying around. At least that was a relief.

When Gabby came back into the room, I instructed her to grab the prescription bottles just in case he had taken them. It would be helpful to the doctors to know what was potentially in his system. She threw them in her purse before running over to us, helping me get him off the floor.

With sheer force and adrenaline, we were able to lift him - each of us with one of his arms wrapped around our necks as we steadied him around his middle, carefully getting him out to Gabby’s car as fast as we possibly could. “Dieter, your sister’s here. We’ve got you; we’re taking you the hospital,” I said to him, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to respond. I wanted him to know we were here and that we were getting him help.

Gabby helped me hoist him into the back seat of her car. I climbed in, making sure that he could safely lay across my lap while remaining on his side. When we got him situated, she closed the door and rushed over to the driver’s seat, hopping in as she set a straight course for the highway while calling her other brother.

Hearing Alex’s voice over the Bluetooth seemed to steady her for a moment, and she immediately filled him in on what was going on. “Where do we take him? What’s the nearest hospital?”

Alex said her name, gently urging her to calm down. “What are his symptoms?”

“Uneven breathing, clammy, weak pulse, unresponsive,” I answered instead of her. “Only opened his eyes for a second. I found him in a puddle of tequila, and he may have taken some prescription drugs.”

“Got it. You need to get him to the ER right away. USC Verdugo is probably closest”, Alex suggested, reassuring Gabby that he knew several of the doctors. “I’ll call ahead and let them know you’re coming in. I’ll meet you there soon.”

Once we got off the phone with Alex, it was strangely quiet in the car for a few minutes as we both tried to gather our thoughts. I could hear Gabby taking deep breaths before she spoke up, her breathing starting to stutter slightly, “How bad is alcohol poisoning?”

I met her glistening eyes in the rearview mirror, my heart aching for her. “It can be bad,” I said honestly, trying to keep my voice calm. I hated being blunt during a moment of crisis, but there was no way I was going to beat around the bush. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I lightly ran my fingers through Dieter’s hair, touching his face every now and then to check if he was becoming more responsive - but that wasn’t the case. At this point, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold it together.

It probably took us about fifteen minutes to get to the ER, but it felt much longer as I watched his condition worsen. His breathing was becoming so irregular that I was afraid I would have to try and do CPR in the car. As soon as we pulled up in front of the ER entrance, the vehicle was swarmed with hospital staff, pulling Dieter out of the car and onto a gurney. Several nurses immediately assessed his condition while one placed a medical resuscitator bag over his nose and mouth, then they wheeled him inside, leaving us behind.

As Gabby and I went through the sliding doors, we were joined by Alex and Lauren who had been waiting in the lobby. For a moment it struck me as odd that Lauren was there, but I couldn’t exactly process any thoughts regarding that. Down the hallway, we saw Dieter getting wheeled to the rear doors that led him further into the ER. That was the final straw that broke me, along with the knowledge that I didn’t need to be strong for him anymore. It was finally safe for me to fall apart. The lightheadedness from earlier returned with a new intensity. I gasped for air as I sank down to the floor, starting to sob uncontrollably. All the fears and emotions so tightly packed into my chest came pouring out at last. My vision was blurred momentarily by a rush of tears, then blackness sank in around the edges, slowly pulling me under. A/N: Y'all ready to stone me to death? Is it better or worse than you thought it was going to be? 🥴

No, he doesn't die. Happy ending, remember? This is the start of his recovery. It's going to be a long and rough road for both of them...but it is slowly uphill from here. How about that song? I felt like it summed up Talia'a feelings pretty well and was a solid choice. I listened to that shit on repeat while I wrote this chapter. Pretty sure my sanity is in question at this point. We now have confirmation about the cat. A lot of you were right, it is indeed Alex. Are we excited about that or no? Let me know how you're feeling after reading this. Do we need a support group meeting? 👀😬 I am currently working on the next chapter. It's going slow, so I don't have an ETA on it yet. I want to make sure I get the next few parts right as they cover some very tough topics. I'll let you know when I'm getting close to finishing though. Lastly, a quick thank you to @for-a-longlongtime for doing all the beta work and suffering through it with me. It's better and more heart wrenching thanks to her. 🤭 As usual, I have included the chapter mood board below. Next Chapter

Tag List: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos @pedrostories

Let me know in the comments below if you would like to be added to the tag list.

#dieter bravo #dieter x ofc #dieter bravo fic #Destiny & Deliverance Series #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo x ofc #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #Pedro Pascal Fanfic #dieter bravo x oc #dieter bravo fluff #dieter bravo fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #the bubble #the bubble fanfiction #Spotify

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carlos-in-glasses · 9 months

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2023 Writing Round Up

Thank you for the tag @heartstringsduet @reasonandfaithinharmony @jesuisici33 @chicgeekgirl89 @thisbuildinghasfeelings @theghostofashton @orchidscript @welcometololaland @ladytessa74 @strandnreyes @reyesstrand @alrightbuckaroo

Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you're most excited about.

15 fics this year! I have loved writing and sharing every one of them. Thank you to everyone who has read or will at some point. Work is a lot busier these days, so I don’t anticipate writing the same volume in 2024…but we shall see! I just want whatever I share to be good quality, and it’s my New Year’s resolution to keep improving. I love Tarlos. I love writing Tarlos fic. I love this fandom.

January

The Ruins of Wonderland – a reimagining of TK and Carlos getting back together after their breakup. I posted this on New Year’s Day, resolving to start 2023 off on the right fanfic foot.

Chasers – A coda for 3x13. TK talks to Cooper about his past, while Carlos goes for a swim and thinks about his own. When Carlos gets home, he and TK have an important chat. The rection to this fic spurred me on to continue writing in the flashback/vignette/timeline format.

February

Man to Man – A coda for 2x11 and 2x12, which also looks at Carlos coming out to his parents and where he is now with it all.

March

Afterglow of a Supernova – When fiancés TK and Carlos help Carlos’ high school crush and his wife during a call, they end up having a dinner with them that leads to jealousy in an unexpected way. The feedback I’ve had on this fic sent me to the moon on rainbows.

April

The Heart Behind the Shield – My first chaptered fic! I'd been wanting to write a 2x08 coda, but it was 4x04 that made it possible. This combines events from both episodes where there’s duality, and was an absolute blast to write and post.

The Light of Our Life – Listen, I wrote this during an extended lunch break and posted it the same day. For somehow it’s my fifth most kudos’d fic of the year…Thank you!!! We were all deep in our Lou II feelings at this time. Never forget.

Fire Island – TK and Carlos travel to Fire Island, where an older gay couple talks to them about their experience of the AIDS crisis in 1980s New York. This fic by far had the most emotional impact on me while writing it, and based on feedback it seems to be the same for readers(?) People have shared personal stories and memories with me since I posted this, and I just want to say I’m truly grateful for the response, given I wrote it in January but didn’t feel brave enough to post it for a few months.

May

With Infinity Folded Into It – Written for the @tarlosweeklyprompts Countdown to the Wedding event (prompt was: Love). After TK proposes, Carlos remembers the first time they said “I love you.” It’s fluff, it’s smut, it’s kinda angsty because Carlos is trying to bake and baking is stressful.

The Center of the Maze – Another written for Tarlos Weekly Prompts Countdown to the Wedding. (Prompt: "I Never Thought I Would Get This Day".) I thought this was going to be a 2k one-shot; it turned into 20k split into 4 chapters… Seven times they thought they would never get married, and one time when they actually did. I was super inspired and happy with the writing in this one.

June into July

When Soulmates Swim – The closest I’ll ever come to writing a sports AU (….or is it?👀…) Sparks and splashes fly when TK and Carlos each take up swimming while they recover from workplace injuries. I really pushed myself with smut and humour in this fic and the feedback I’ve had has been incredible. One of the most enjoyable writing experiences I’ve ever had, this fic holds a special place in heart.

Release The Hand to Relax the Animal – TK and Carlos explore the world of tantric massage in their own way. Written because Rafael Silva has madly attractive hands, and @heartstringsduet and I thought we should celebrate. You can read Michelle’s hands fic, Take My Hand, Take My Whole Life, Too, here. It is BEAUTIFUL.

(Nothing in August)

September

Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines – A 3x08 coda, which also gets into TK and Carlos’ childhood memories of 9/11, and the way that event went on to impact their lives (to the point where it set them on the path to meeting each other). It recieved the most amazing comments, with people sharing their memories of 9/11, so like Fire Island this fic feels deeper to me in a social way.

October

Suddenly in the Silence – I’d ‘joked’ about the show giving us Ghost Gabriel in season 5, but a conversation with thisbuildinghasfeelings led me to explore that concept myself. In this fic, it’s up to the reader to decide whether they think the spirit of Gabriel is around, which made writing it challenging but a lot of fun. It’s so interesting to see what side people fall on!

November

Where All This Love Comes From – This is my Tarlos novel at ~90k words, due to finish posting in February. I began writing it in March, when a hefty amount of plot relied on Gabriel being alive after season 4. Substantial rewrites happened after May, which was pretty gutting at the time, but ultimately I think this has ended up being the best thing I’ve written so far in my life.

December

There is a smutty one-shot coming with a scream very soon…And I hope you like it!

I'm not sure who has already done this - tagging with no pressure if you want to share/haven't already - and open tag!

@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @goodways @lemonlyman-dotcom @paperstorm @wandering-night19 @heartstringsduet @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @rmd-writes @rosedavid @chaotictarlos @lightningboltreader @taralaurel @three-drink-amy @redshirt2 @noxsoulmate @sanjuwrites @bonheur-cafe @liminalmemories21

❤️🩷🧡💛❤️🩷🧡💛

#writing round up #cig tagged #cig fic #my fic #tarlos fic #tarlos fanfic

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ottawacharge · 18 days

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hello pals! here is transcript ft photoshoot shots ‼️ @ohe-ohe @verb925

If Marie-Philip Poulin is the legend, Laura Stacey is the superstar. Where one is soft-spoken, reflective and intensely magnetic, the other is intuitive, forthcoming and absolutely electric. As they shatter records in their sport and lead change far beyond, these world-class athletes are writing a page of history, together.

At first, they fought it. Centralized in Calgary with the national team for months before being thrown into the pressure cooker in PyeongChang, Poulin was the seasoned captain and Stacey was vying for a spot on the roster for what would be her first Games. They shared teammates and friends and were apprehensive about upending the intricate and delicate alchemy it takes to win. They did everything they could to push their feelings out of their minds, all the while finding every way possible to spend time together. "There were so many emotions, and we just got very close during that time. It was a kind of snowball effect," Laura explains.

At the Olympics, Team Canada ultimately fell to the US to take home silver medals. Devastated, the pair parted ways. Laura went home to Toronto and Marie-Philip to Montréal. They didn't see each other and tried not to text. But hockey is a cyclical sport in which every ending yields a new beginning, so when the Canadian Women's Hockey League (CWHL) started up again in the fall, Poulin returned to Les Canadiennes de Montréal and Stacey to the Markham Thunder. "The first real moment was when we played against each other in Montréal," Stacey says. "We were still talking, and we knew there was something between us. After the game, she followed our team bus back from the rink, picked me up at the hotel and took me back to her apartment. Her parents were there, and I met them for the first time. It all felt really serious. When I asked her, she said she was done fighting it."

As it turns out, what came as somewhat of a surprise to Laura was anything but unexpected to Marie-Philip's mom, who'd understood the moment she saw her daughter look over at Laura at Canada House back in South Korea. A mother knows: Marie-Philip and Laura had found home.

At their next Olympics in Beijing in 2022, Team Canada triumphed, and Poulin cemented her legend by becoming the only player -- female or male -- to score in four straight Olympic gold medal games.

Marie-Philip Poulin is the greatest of all time, although she flashes a reluctant wince when she hears herself referred to as such. In her home province of Québec especially, she is a beloved, virtually untouchable figure. She is the quintessential sports hero -- wholly exceptional and genuinely approachable. Despite her countless appearances and endless interviews, she's always remained very discreet about her personal life, the furthest thing from a celesbian one would ever imagine. Only her most intimate circle (and perhaps her most avid fans) would have noticed two-time Olympic medallist and three-time world champion Laura Stacey flow seamlessly into her public life and crack open the window ever so slightly. But when they each posted sets of their idyllic engagement photos on Instagram in May 2023, their low-key romance made national headlines. "We just wanted to be ourselves, and we didn't realize how much of an impact the photos were going to have. They really blew up!" says Marie-Philip. Laura adds: " When we first posted we were engaged, people didn't even know we were together, so it hit us a little harder. But the way everyone has welcomed us is amazing. So many athletes feel uncomfortable coming out. For us, it happened organically. And there's so much positivity in the way everyone supports us."

That summer, Mark Walter Group and sports trailblazer Billie Jean King announced the establishment of the Professional Women's Hockey League (PWHL) and six charter franchises. For women's hockey players, it was the culmination of a dream after years of struggle. A month later, PWHL Montréal confirmed it had signed three-year deals with goaltender Ann-Renée Desbiens and forwards Marie-Philip Poulin and Laura Stacey. "I didn't want to sign and play in Montréal as a package deal because the team wanted to get her for sure," Stacey admits. And she made that very clear to the team's management. "The conversation went so well, but it was still scary for me because I knew I had something to prove." Since then, her intensity, heart, skill and dazzling plays have put any doubts to rest. "Looking back on these past few months, I can say it's been amazing."

When the puck dropped on the team's first-ever game on January 2, 2024, Laura scored her very first goal in the league and unintentionally went viral. It all happened in a split second: drive to the net, snipe, celly. The subsequent shot of her marking the moment with Marie-Philip, which became one of the most viewed photos from the PWHL, was swiftly reposted on X with the caption "score a goal and celly with your fiancé," prompting user MarcusA9393 to pointedly (read: homophobically) ask where the said fiancé was in the crowd since he "didn't see him behind the glass." Then came an impeccable reply that turned Marcus' mudslinging into an incandescent ray of sheer queer joy: "Her fiancée is #29 poulin. She's gay, Marcus."

The floodgates opened, and in no time there was a tidal wave of "She's gay, Marcus" bracelets, apparal of all sorts, stickers and fan art. Sellers started offering Stacey and Poulin's hockey cards as a pair. Did she realize her love would be the first person to throw herself in her arms? "No, we had no idea! It all went so fast. But what are the chances?" It was an instance that opened their eyes to the fact that there was a place for them as a couple and as professional hockey players. "We realized it was welcome. That respect for us together and as individuals has helped us open up a lot more. Our teammates, our coaching staff, our fans all support us. And Montréal has embraced us as a couple in a beautiful, crazy way," Stacey reflects. Her fiancée concurs: "At first, it felt like a lot after the engagement photos, but we took a step back and we saw we could connect with people. We quickly learned that it helps people be themselves. Fans are so happy to show us their bracelets and t-shirts and ask us to sign the photo. That connection happens because they feel they can be themselves around us. They cheer for us together, and that's very emotional for us."

Even so, there's a paradox, since they both make very conscious efforts to keep their hockey lives separate despite their matching collections of Olympic gold and silver medals and world championship titles. They don't have adjoining spaces in the dressing room; they don't room together on the road; they don't sit together when travelling with the team. Does that benefit them? The team? "That's actually something we take a lot of pride in," says Poulin. "When we get to the rink, we're there to work: to play hockey and win. There's a time and place for everything." Laura echoes the sentiment: "It's about respect for our teammates. When they're taping their stick and getting ready, they're not there for us as a couple. They want teammates who are ready to go to war with them. We're there to do the best job we can. If people want to spend time with us as a couple, they can come over for dinner."

Meanwhile at the rink, without getting deep into the the analytics, the sometimes linesmates ended the regular season tied as PWHL Montréal's highest scorers with 10 goals apiece (23 points for Poulin, 18 for Stacey) and proved to be a game-changing duo. But what happens when the puck isn't bouncing their way? "We didn't start on the same line, but we ended up playing together as time went on. That was a challenge," says Marie-Philip. "We're leaders on the team and we're very competitive so we want to be perfect. When one of us misses a play, we definitely take it out on the other." Laura nods emphatically and laughs: "Sometimes I tell her ' I can't make that play! You know who I am!', and she'll go 'No! You have to if you're playing with me!'" When asked if they're harder on each other than their other teammates, they reply "110%" in perfect synch.

On top of the ebbs and flows in their respective games, having to execute perfectly at critical junctures can take a toll. "There's a lot of pressure, and I feel it. It's on me, on her and on us," says Poulin. Her demeanour is unfailingly even keeled and, in many ways, true to the player she's shown herself to be in competition, naturally offsetting the challenges and perpetually rising above. "The fact that the pressure makes me stay on the ice and practice with my partner -- that we're always pushing each other -- just makes us better and more balanced players and people."

And what about the physicality of the women's game? While there's nothing that makes the game unsafe, there's a lot of jostling, body checking and contact along the boards. "When one of my teammates gets caught, I get fired up. But when it's Laura, my heart drops. I want to react and it's hard not to, but I can't," says Marie-Philip. Do they get chirped? "Oh yeah, for sure," Laura confirms, just as Marie Philip points out: "Less now."

In season, they're never apart. "We do everything together, but we like it," says Marie-Philip, who then turns her entire body towards Laura, reaches out to her and quietly asks with a smile: "You like it, right?" Laura beams at her and replies: "I love it." All captivating affinity aside, the fact remains that they constantly put their bodies on the line, and the grind can wear them down. Camps started in October and the hockey didn't stop until June. The many highs and upward trend of prepare, prepare, prepare was so physically demanding that there were times when all they could do was crash.

Having all eyes on them means they've learned when to ease up and when to zoom out. "We get on the bus together when everyone else is leaving their significant other. We travel the world together. We get to hear fans in Montréal cheer for us both together. We fight and push each other in the hard moments but when we get home, we close the door and realize how lucky and how happy we are," says Laura.

The talk eventually turns to April 20 at the Bell Centre in Montréal, when PWHL Montréal and PWHL Toronto set the world record for a women's hockey game in front of 21,105 fans. For the players and for so many in the crowd, the pregame introductions unfolded into a moving "I see you" moment. Under the lights and amidst tens of thousands of twirling white rally towels, the players stood at the blue line to finally take in the resounding ovation they'd earned and deserved. It was a powerful acknowledgement of their excellence, their hard work, their sacrifices and their fight. Their win was everyone's win, in hockey and far beyond. On the ice, Marie-Philip and Laura were standing side by side. "The sentiment that we all win together and the feeling of success cemented the fact that we're here to stay. It's so much more than a hockey league. It's a movement," Laura says. When Marie-Philip Poulin's name resonated in the arena, a deafening roar rose all the way up to the rafters: "It was all surreal. It was so loud, and I thought 'Wow, we did it.'"

But like all things, hockey careers -- even the most brilliant ones -- come to an end. With respect to their sport, they're both adamant about leaving it in a better place than they found it. At the same time, with their wedding only weeks away, Laura Stacey and Marie-Philip Poulin are just beginning to shape their family legacy, one whose reach is much broader than hockey and touches on representation, visibility, equality, diversity, women's rights, 2SLGBTQIA+ rights and human rights. It's something we tend to take stock of in retrospect, but they're writing their own page of history today. "We want people to have the same opportunities we've been given to be themselves and chase the dream of whatever it is they love," says Laura. That authenticity has become their hallmark. "W're always ourselves," says Marie-Philip. "People remember how you made them feel, not what you did. And that only happens when you're truly yourself."

#if anyone's curious and doesn't want to spoil themselves -- it's the poulin/stacey article below the cut!#i will say -- all the shots of laura have truly Knocked Me TF Out #the soft moment in the interview also killed me

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yurimother · 1 year

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The 2023 Yuri Guide - Anime

Your ultimate guide to the best Yuri content with over 200 curated titles from every genre and medium.

Adachi and Shimamura

• School • Slice of Life • Romance • Friends to Lovers • Slow burn

Adachi and Shimamura's days of skipping school offer a new world to explore. But as these delinquents bond, unexpected emotions begin to blossom. Now if they could just admit how they feel…

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub/Dub)

BIRDIE WING -Golf Girls' Story-

• Sports • Comedy • Drama

Eve is an underground golfer who supports poor street orphans with the money she makes from illegal golfing matches. But her life is about to change forever when she meets a young golfer who's just arrived from Japan...

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub)

The Executioner and Her Way of Life

• Action • Fantasy • Isekai • Enemies to Lovers

When Menou, an Executioner of deadly interdimensional “Lost Ones,” encounters a Lost One named Akari who can cheat death, she sets out on a mission to kill the unkillable girl — but her newly stirring feelings might get in the way of her blade.

Streaming on HIDIVE (Sub/Dub)

Flip Flappers

• Fantasy • Action • Magical Girl • Love at First Sight

Cocona’s world is turned upside down with the appearance of Papika. They set off on an adventure in “Pure Illusion.” In the pursuit of the “Shards of Mimi,” obstacles arise, and the shards enable them to transform.

Streaming on HIDIVE (Sub/Dub)

If My Favorite Pop Idol Made it to the Budokan, I Would Die

• Comedy • Music • Multiple Couples • Love at First Sight

Two years ago, super-fan Eripiyo was hypnotized by Maina Ichii and her pop group ChamJam. Now Eri dreams of seeing her favorite group make it big, to the Budokan arena! Her passionate desire consumes money and time—but no cost is too high. This is fandom!

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub/Dub)

Inugami-san to Nekoyama-san

• School • Slice of Life • Comedy • Multiple Couples

A mutual friend introduces Yachiyo Inugami, a dog-like girl who loves cats, and Suzu Nekoyama, a cat-like girl who loves dogs. The girls find themselves drawn in by their opposite traits and the most outlandish relationship starts to take form in this wild comedy that will have you barking (and meowing?) with laughter.

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub)

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady

• Fantasy • Romance • Comedy • Isekai

When noblewoman Euphyllia is unjustly stripped of her title as the kingdom’s next monarch, the buffoonish Princess Anisphia takes it upon herself to right this wrong. Despite being taken for a fool ’cause of her silly antics, Anisphia is a magic genius, and she has a plan to help Euphyllia regain her good name. But little do they know—their encounter will alter the kingdom and the entire world! Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub)

Maria Watches Over Us

• School • Slice of Life • Senpai/Kouhai • Multiple Couples

Students at Lillian Girls’ Academy become “soeurs” to support each other during their time at school. Shy Yumi Fukuzawa never thought she’d attract a soeur like the beautiful Sachiko Ogasawara, but Sachiko has unexpectedly set her sights on Yumi!

Streaming on HIDIVE (sub)

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury

• Sci-Fi • Mecha • Action • School • Drama • Marriage

A.S. (Ad Stella) 122― An era when a multitude of corporations have entered space and built a huge economic system. A lone girl from the remote planet Mercury transfers to the Asticassia School of Technology, run by the Beneritt Group which dominates the mobile suit industry. Her name is Suletta Mercury. With a scarlet light burning in her pure heart, this girl walks step by step through a new world.

Streaming on Crunchyroll (sub/dub)

Otherside Picnic

• Action • Sci-FI • Horror • Slow Burn

Moments from death, Sorawo is saved by the mysterious Toriko in the world of the Otherside. Entranced by its beauty, she discovers that this dimension is inhabited by monsters once thought imaginary. Joining with Toriko in her search for a missing friend, they set out to explore this nightmare realm and maybe make a little money. What they encounter could bring enlightenment—or drive them mad!

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub/Dub)

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

• Fantasy • Magical Girl • Horror • Tragedy • Fated Lovers • Multiple Couples

Madoka Kaname is an average 14-year-old girl who loves her family and friends. One fateful day, this all changes when she has a very magical encounter with a strange creature called a Kyubey. Kyubey have the power to grant one wish to chosen girls. However, in exchange, those chosen must become magical girls and use their powers to fight against witches, evil creatures born from darkness and catalysts of despair. Was this encounter by chance or fate? No matter the circumstance, this will surely change her destiny.

Movies Beginnings and Eternal retell this legendary and dark fantasy story with new and retouched animation and voice acting. The sequel film Rebellion follows Homura, unable to let her memories die, the magical girl continues to fight alone in the world that Madoka left behind, dreaming of meeting that nostalgic smiling face one more time...

TV - Streaming on Crunchyroll/Hulu (Sub) Films licensed by Aniplex of America

Revue Starlight

• School • Action • Drama • Weak Yuri

Childhood friends Karen and Hikari promised that they would one day become the next theatrical stars. Years later, the two finally have their chance during a mysterious audition, but they are not the only ones who have trained for this moment.

Streaming on HIDIVE (Sub/Dub)

Riddle Story of Devil (Akuma no Riddle)

• School • Action • Enemies to Lovers • Multiple Couples • Love at First Sight

Twelve female assassins are sent to a prestigious boarding school to compete against each other in a secret killing game. The winner will be granted anything her heart desires, but only one girl can come out on top. The mission is simple: send fellow student Haru Ichinose to an early grave. The task should be easy for heartless assassin, Toukaku Azuma – but everything changes when she finds herself strangely drawn to her naive target. Her decision to use her lethal skills to keep her new friend alive will raise the stakes of the game and push the girls closer together as the other beauties threaten to tear them apart.

Streaming on Funimation (Sub/dub)

Sakura Trick

• School • Slice of Life • Comedy • Friends to Lovers • Multiple Couples

Best friends Haruka and Yu are about to take their relationship from friendship to something more when they share a kiss! But when one kiss becomes two and three, how will their relationship change?

Streaming on HIDIVE (Sub)

Strawberry Panic

• School • Drama • Romance • Senpai/Kouhai • Multiple Couples • Love at First Sight

Nagisa has just transferred to a prestigious all-girls school that happens to share a campus with two other elite academies for young women. The new surroundings are overwhelming but Nagisa quickly adapts to life in Strawberry Hall with the help of her new friends. However, when Nagisa catches the eye of the mysterious Shizuma, the respected representative of all three schools, both their lives are forever changed. A bond beyond mere friendship develops between the two ladies amidst a chaotic school year full of heated conflicts, petty jealousies, and crossed boundaries.

Streaming on Crunchyroll/RetroCrush (Sub)

Sweet Blue Flowers

• School • Romance • Drama • Friends to Lovers

Fumi Manjoume enters Kamakura's accelerated high school - Matsuoka All-Girls High School. While waiting at the Kamakura station on the day of her entrance ceremony, she runs into an old childhood friend whom she had not seen in 10 years: Akira Okudaira. As their friendship is rekindled and they start falling back into the rhythm of friends again, it starts a delicate love story...

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub)

Volicia of Pluto

• Action • Indie • Sci-Fi • Mecha

In 2006, Akiko Hoshigami’s dreams of track-and-field stardom are dashed after a leg injury. She enters high school with her best friend, Ayano Umisoe, and between club activites and meeting new friends, the empty Akio begins to resember her former self. Until one day, Ayano suddenly dissapears.

Streaming on YouTube (Sub)

Yurikuma Arashi

• School • Drama • Sci-Fi • Enemies to Lovers • Multiple Couples

In a world divided between humans and hyper-intelligent, man-eating bears, Kureha attends an all-girls school and holds onto a simple wish—to spend the rest of her life with her classmate and soul mate, Sumika. But after a secret rendezvous ends in tragedy, Kureha vows to never back down on her love and put a bullet in any bear she meets.

Streaming on Funimation (Sub/Dub)

YuruYuri

• School • Slice of Life • Comedy • Multiple Couples

Four students decide to occupy the room of the defunct tea ceremony club, dubbing it the ‘Amusement Club.’ While the Student Council does its best to eliminate this club, their endless energy, happiness, and comedy will keep audiences smiling all season long!

Streaming on Crunchyroll (Sub)

Read More of the 2023 Yuri Guide

⚪ Must See ⚪ Light Novel ⚪ Manga ⚪ Visual Novels ⚪ Webtoons

Official releases help support creators and publishers. YuriMother may make a small commission from sales to help fund future content.

Support YuriMother on Patreon for early access and to read exclusive in-depth articles on Yuri and LGBTQ media.

#lesbian #yuri #girls love #lgbt #gay #lgbtq #gl #queer #anime #manga #sapphic #wlw

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melancholy-of-nadia · 1 year

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love u lately (m) #1 | myg/knj/pjm

title: love u lately chapter title: #1 - lavender haze pairing: yoongi x f. reader, namjoon x f. reader, jimin x f. reader (yoonminjoon x f. reader) rating/genre: m (18+) ; smut ; college/university au , pseudo frat! bts; best friends! yoonminjoon friends to lovers; summary: In the midst of your college journey, life takes an unexpected turn when you find yourself moving into a "pseudo frat" house with your childhood best friends Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin. The college experience you envisioned seems promising, but as Namjoon and Jimin get caught up in flings, their focus shifts away from you, Yoongi, and everyone else in the house. The strong bond you once shared starts to feel strained, leaving you to question your feelings and changing dynamics. Though, the haze of a single night at a party sets off a chain reaction of emotions that leaves you grappling with a question you never thought you'd ask—could you be in love with all three of them? warnings: pwp, swearing, making out, subtle body worship, penetration, cunnilingus, CONSENSUAL!! sex, nipple play, breast play, overstimulation, mutual orgasm, touch of aftercare, frustration bc guys are dumb sometimes note: thank u to @daegudrama (as always) for beta reading and editing my fics. much appreiciated. this is the first fic series i have written in 10 years (i used to be in the anime/pokemon fandoms lol) so i apologized if it isn't that great, but i will keep improving! note 2: this is also for the yoonminjoon stans !! such an underrated subunit! total word count: 8.3k drop date: august 29th, 2023, 1:00pm pst cross posted on AO3 here | Series Masterlist | #2 →

October 4 (Thursday)

The morning sun streams through the blinds, gently coaxing you awake. You catch the aroma of sizzling bacon wafting from the kitchen as you continue to fight the urge to sleep in longer.

With a quick stride, you open your door to find your close friends, Yoongi and Jimin, seated at the dining table, enjoying breakfast. Their subtle waves are met with your ecstatic waving. You glance at Namjoon standing near the stove wearing a tank top and basketball shorts. He tends to the bacon in the pan as it sizzles and pops.

"Joon, could you set aside two pieces for me?" you call out, causing him to jolt as he hadn't noticed your presence in the room due to him being in zen focus trying not to burn everyone’s breakfast.

He sighs, shoulders slumping. "You better hurry and brush your teeth, or I might let Jungkook have the rest once he's out of the shower in a few minutes."

Nodding, you hurry to the second bathroom in your home to prepare for the day, aiming to grab some fresh homemade breakfast before your noon class.

This spacious house has been your shared sanctuary with your childhood best friends – Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, and Park Jimin – since the start of your second year of college in September. Last year, some older guy friends from your hometown who went to the same college as you lived at the house originally. Then over the summer, your best friends moved in with them to take summer courses and on-campus internships. You got added to the mix when you were desperately trying to find housing as the university waitlisted you in favor of the 29,000 new freshmen they admitted to the campus who they prioritized housing for. After looking at expensive off-campus apartments and sketchy leases, the boys couldn’t bear seeing you struggle and potentially homeless, so they let you live with them in their 4 bedroom home. Your housemate Seokjin gave up his single room, with a bit of hesitation, so you could live comfortably. The rest of the boys share rooms with each other.

With eight people living together, the house unofficially earns the nickname "Beta Tau Sigma," or the “pseudo frat”, as some people around campus called it. While not officially recognized as a fraternity due to various complicated reasons, the BTS house still became known for its "poppin’ house parties” hosted by your lovely housemate Jung Hoseok last year.

Your friendship with Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jimin goes back to a little over a decade ago. Namjoon became your next door neighbor as a kid, eventually he introduced you to Yoongi who was a family friend of his, and finally, you all befriended Jimin when he transferred to your middle school. You all remained close during high school. Namjoon and Yoongi, being a year older than you and Jimin, graduated and went to college. Eventually you and Jimin graduated, and the two of you got into the same college a few hours away from your hometown as them and attended together.

However, moving in with a bunch of men was something you prefer that people didn’t know about you. You wanted to avoid any rumors being created, especially considering the guys living with you are popular among the girls at your campus. If there is something that you don’t miss from high school, it is the petty drama and baseless rumors people make to tear others down. For now, people assume you are living in the dorms with your only female friend: Hwasa. You always think that it’s for the best things are this way. You decide not to think too much beyond that, despite the probability that a few people are catching on to the fact that you probably do live with these guys platonically.

After washing up, you enter the kitchen again, taking a seat next to Yoongi who is engrossed in his Twitter feed. He finally acknowledges your presence.

"Took you long enough, huh? Don't you have Stats at 10?" He quips.

You scrunch your eyebrows at him. “Good morning to you too, Yoongs?” You retort playfully. “No stats today. It’s Thursday so I have Finance at noon!"” You exclaim loudly to the room.

Groans resonate through the kitchen. Yoongi's teasing backfires, much to his chagrin. Taehyung descends from upstairs, puzzled by the commotion in the room.

“What’s wrong with her finance class?” He asks innocently.

"There’s nothing wrong with the class, but it's the classmate in that class!" Namjoon sighs, leaning on the counter after placing your bacon and avocado toast plate on the table.

"Lim Jaebeom," Jimin snickers, promptly earning a discreet kick from you under the table. "Ow! Hey! No need to resort to violence! Hey! I’m only speaking facts!” He winces as he holds his knee up and rubs the pain away.

Lim Jaebeom, also known by everyone as JB, is the cute guy you met in your Macroeconomics class last year. He is popular as a member of a real fraternity, Gamma Omega Tau and the professional frat, Kappa Psi Pi (or JYP, as some called it?). Part of both fraternities, he radiates talent as a business major and an underground SoundCloud artist on the side. While your interactions remain class-related, he greets you often outside of class even after the course finished, much to your best friends’ annoyance.

Over spring semester of last year and the initial weeks of the current fall semester, you’ve developed a small crush on Jaebeom. Though when it comes to your love life, it’s been a few years since you’ve had some kind of thing going on. There’s only been two people so far: Wonwoo, captain of the Men’s varsity volleyball team who you slept with once when you boldly asked him if he would take your v-card. You and your best friends were going through an experimental era during your junior year of high school. They teased you a lot about being “innocent” but were left speechless when you told them what you’ve done. They said that was the end of the experimental era. Later on you also found out he’s your housemate Jungkook’s cousin.

The second guy is Yeonjun. You don’t like to talk about him much, but he was in the same year and you guys talked often (much to Namjoon’s dismay). He was your fake date at your housemate Seokjin's brother's wedding the summer after you graduated high school. One thing led to another and you were sneaky links for a while. It didn’t end well though.

"She's got eyes for JB, but is too scared to make a move," Jimin teases, earning him another kick under the table to which he dodges.

"In case you forgot, it took you a month to see Irene Bae wanted you so badly," Taehyung rolls his eyes while a hint of a smile tugs your lips as you struggle to suppress your laughter seeing him call out Jimin.

The Jimin and Irene power couple relationship goes back to spring semester last year. Taehyung needed Jimin to go on a double date with him to the Psi Gamma Epsilon Formal, which is the co-ed fraternity that Taehyung’s girlfriend Jennie is in. While you have many mixed opinions about Taehyung’s tastes when it comes to women, you hate that he influenced some of those tastes on Jimin. Thus, Jennie introduced Jimin to her friend, Irene (the Sigma Mu Epsilon Campus President) and the rest is history.

Though, you weren't aware that they were dating until a month ago when they had already been dating for three months. You are not sure how they managed to hide it from people for a while.

“Ya!! How was I supposed to know that getting asked to eat ramen together on a Friday night meant anything BUT eating ramen.” Jimin sighs as he gets up from his chair. “Maybe you should ask Jaebeom out for some ramen.” He playfully suggests, emphasizing Jaebeom's name, sending your face into a blush.

"I'm not interested in sleeping with him!" you protest, cheeks burning. In Korean slang, sharing ramen implies spending the night together. You’d rather romantically share ramen like the spaghetti eating scene in “Lady & the Tramp” than fuck him and ruin your friendship.

“Isn’t that what he’s known for? Sleeping with girls, taking sex polaroids, and plastering them on his frat bedroom wall? Taehyung butts in, since he too, knows of Jaebeom’s lifestyle like everyone else on this campus does. You, of course, are aware of it too, which is why you haven’t bothered to try your chance with him.

“Exactly why I’m okay being the nice friend saying hi from across campus when he says hi instead of becoming a faceless polaroid in his room of him giving me backshots.” You cross your arms as you roll your eyes at him.

“Please don’t give me mental images of that.” Yoongi finally speaks up, groaning at your words again. You playfully elbow his side at your remark. He covers his face immediately as he feels himself blushing at these thoughts.

“Well, when you decide to get the balls to do something, I shall be here to give you advice. Just let me know.” Jimin says as he grabs his bag from the couch and heads to class with Taehyung, leaving you with Namjoon and Yoongi.

“Wow, can you believe him? He thinks he can talk big now that he’s dating little Miss Sigma Mu Epsilon’s President Irene.” You let out an annoyed sigh as you take a bite out of the avocado toast Namjoon gave you.

At first you were excited for one of your guy best friends to be in a relationship again after years, but that excitement was short-lived as you noticed Jimins’ absence in the house became more evident. He would either be at his dance club, studying in the library, or spending the rest of his freetime with Irene. Maybe doing all of the above with her.

When you and your best friends were in relationships or flings in the past, they promised that they would never leave or ignore the group to prioritize those other people first. And they were always true to their word.

But as of lately, not anymore. While you once were used to having Jimin at home or at the dorm common area with the guys for Friday Night Game Night, this sight was slowly becoming a memory. It’s hard to admit how these subtle changes of seeing Jimin prefer to do other activities saddens you. You eventually decided to bottle up your feelings of sadness, not wanting them to see, and focus on other things filling up your plate.

Namjoon wasn’t paying attention to what you said as he uncontrollably smiles at his phone with a Kakao talk chat with someone pulled up, making your eyes narrow at him.

“O-Oh, sorry. I was texting Jihyo.” he admits blatantly, before widening his eyes at what he just said. “What did you say?” Namoon glances at you briefly.

“Park Jihyo? Your group project partner slash sex–?” Yoongi narrows his gaze at Namjoon, before he quickly launches to cover Yoongi’s mouth.

What? Is this seriously another sudden revelation incoming this early in the morning? You didn’t think you’d spiral into a pool of further questioning the future of your friendship with your guy best friends. Especially when it comes to Namjoon dating the campus’ kindest angel, Jihyo. Compared to Irene, you don’t have anything snarky to say about Jihyo. You admit she is better in hundreds of different ways than you. You wonder if your friends’ recent dating or fling escapades are a sign of a bigger issue in your friendship with them. You wonder if Yoongi’s also hiding someone away from your sight.

"So you’re also seeing someone?" Your pout is playful, but a hint of disappointment peeks through. "Don't tell me you're bailing on Friday Night Game Nights just like Jimin…"

Namjoon's response carries a weight of hesitation as he takes a thoughtful pause, considering his next words carefully. "Well, kind of…" His words hang in the air for a moment, a sense of complexity in his tone. "It's complicated... and no, I won't be skipping Friday Night Game Night every time like Jimin... except for this week."

The curiosity in your expression is mirrored by Yoongi's raised eyebrow. “What’s the excuse that you so kindly will be telling Yoongi and I?” you ask, the intrigue evident in your voice.

“Well actually, I may need to borrow the house so I was wondering if you guys could have Friday Night Game Night somewhere else.”

“Why should we go somewhere--” As you begin to protest, an epiphany interrupts your words, causing them to taper off. A realization dawns, connecting the dots between Yoongi's earlier comments and the direction this conversation is taking. “Wait what!? KIM NAMJOON YOU-!”

“You’re seriously going to sexile everyone in this house?” Yoongi's words burst forth interrupting yours, his laced with a mixture of genuine surprise and a hint of humor. His widened eyes are concealed behind a hand that covers his mouth, almost as if he's trying to stifle his amusement at the sudden request.

Namjoon lets out a chuckle, his expression playful as he confirms, "Potentially! But I'm not sure yet. I might go back to her place, but I wanted to keep my options open so we could..."

Your voice cuts in before Namjoon can elaborate further, a mix of jest and sincerity in your tone, "Okay, okay, okay, I get it! We'll move game night somewhere else then!" The words rush out of you as you shield yourself from whatever details might follow that your ears weren't prepared for. You shoot Yoongi a look, seeking affirmation. "We’ll figure it out..right, Yoongi?"

Yoongi doesn't miss a beat as he follows up with a response laced with dry humor, “Right. I really don’t want to hear my best friend fucking while I’m trying to relax at the end of a stressful week.”

A blush creeps onto your cheeks, and you playfully reprimand Yoongi, your palm meeting your face in an exaggerated facepalm, "Yoongi, please spare us from any more visual details." Your laughter mingles with a hint of embarrassment, but you quickly regain your composure. "But thank you for letting us know, Namjoon..."

Namjoon's easy smile returns, and he jests, "Have fun without me, though. I know Jin and Jungkook will keep things lively without me or even Jimin there."

Even without any truly scandalous events transpiring, an air of awkwardness hangs over the conversation. The remainder of your breakfast passes in silence, each of you lost in your own thoughts. Eventually, you rise from the table, making your way back to your room to prepare for class, which looms just an hour away.

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By the time you come out of your room again, only Yoongi and Jungkook are in the living room doing last minute assignments. You assume Namjoon already left for class with Hoseok and also figure Seokjin left even before that. He’s the only person in this house taking 8am classes.

This is the norm. On Thursdays, you walk with Yoongi to class, as his class is in the same building as yours. Sometimes, Jungkook joins you guys when he procrastinates the hour before class to finish assignments.

“Are you ready to go? Jungkook’s done now.” Yoongi gets up from the couch already expecting your response to be yes. Jungkook looks up from his textbook to give you a thumbs up.

“Yep, all ready to go.”

The three of you step out onto campus, engaging in conversation that weaves between the events of the week and the anticipation of the impending game night. As you discuss plans, you consider the limited guests—Namjoon engaged with his "complicated" fuck buddy situation, Jimin on his weekend outings with Irene—leaving only you, Yoongi, Jungkook, Hoseok, Jin, and Taehyung for the upcoming Friday Night Game Night. At least you thought it was just the 6 of you.

Jungkook interjects, scratching his head apologetically. "Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention earlier, but Taehyung and I are going out bowling and drinking with the Woogas on Friday..." His voice trails off with a sheepish smile, his plea for forgiveness evident in his gesture. The Woogas were a group of grad students who were close to Taehyung.

Surveying the group left, you pose a question, preempting any plans that would end up getting canceled. "Anybody else have plans?"

Jungkook takes a bit to contemplate, his mutterings finally clarifying the situation. "I remember Jin hyung texting the gc that he has a Kappa Psi Pi chapter till 9:30 tomorrow—pledging's keeping him busy. He might go out with his frat brothers afterward for drinks. Hoseok is out of town tonight for a competitive dance tournament with the uni dance club."

A collective sigh of resignation hangs in the air as you and Yoongi register the inevitability—it's just the two of you for the upcoming Friday night. Your expressions communicate mutual understanding, as if exchanging an unspoken acknowledgment that it won't be just this one time moving forward.

You bid farewell to Jungkook as he heads off to his own class, then turn to Yoongi with a hopeful glint in your eyes, silently urging him to weave his magic and devise a plan to fill the void left by your absent friends.

"Maybe we could hit that popular bar downtown? What's it called...Arena?" Yoongi suggests, a hint of excitement lacing his words.

A shake of your head expresses your skepticism. "On a Friday night? I heard too many weirdos go at that time, Yoongs.”

“Then, why don’t we go house party hopping? We haven’t done that since freshman year.” He smirks, as he adds the nostalgic suggestion.

The words "house party hopping" elicit a mix of memories, both good and not-so-good. It's a ritual familiar to college freshmen to excessively drink and dance at multiple parties in one night, but it gets too difficult to do through the rest of undergrad. You, however, have only done this activity of going to multiple different parties in one night, twice.

The first time, things went smoothly when Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jimin went to five different house parties on the frat house row. The second time was not so smooth. Contrary to popular belief of Beta Tau Sigma, everyone at the house are light-weights when it comes to drinking, with Yoongi, Jungkook and Taehyung probably being the strongest drinkers of the bunch. That night of house party hopping ended with Namjoon and Jimin getting drunk and losing their student access cards at one of the five houses you went to. Because they couldn’t get into their dorm, you and Yoongi had to carry them back to your dorm and have them to stay at the dorm’s study lounge for the night. At some point, you all almost got caught by the dorm RA making their nightly rounds to make sure everything is good. Yoongi quickly excused all of you being cramped in the small room as “studying for an accounting midterm”, to which the RA didn’t question anything further after hearing the words “accounting” and left you alone for the rest of the night.

Based on that experience, you are reluctant to even try doing that again. However this time, it is just going to be you and Yoongi, the most mature ones in the overall friend group. Or at least you like to think so.

"Well, considering how the last time went..." Your voice trails off, your narrowed eyes revealing your internal debate. "I'll think about it more and let you know."

Yoongi nods at your response and you both say goodbye as you part ways to class.

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Entering your finance class, You secure a seat near the door and the front board, a vantage point that lets you observe the classroom's dynamics. Today, however, your routine is disrupted when someone unexpectedly occupies the seat next to you.

As you set up your notebook, your gaze lifts, revealing Jaebeom sitting beside you. A faint flutter tugs at your heart, a pulse of anticipation racing through your veins. A steady stream of thoughts races through your mind, echoing, "This is definitely sus." You've consumed enough romance novels and coming-of-age stories to recognize when circumstances take a pointed turn. You've shared casual conversations and greetings with Jaebeom, but sitting next to each other is unprecedented—there's surely more to it.

A subtle "Ahem" draws your attention, and Jaebeom turns to face you, his eyes meeting yours. "Hey, Y/N… do you mind if I sit here today? I left my glasses behind, and I can't really see from my usual spot."

Your reassurance carries a softness as you reply, "Hi, Jaebeom! Of course, no problem." A smile graces your lips, and he returns it, dispelling the suspicions you had entertained. So you guess there’s no special reason for sitting next to you.

The rest of class goes by smoothly, but you can’t help but to think that Jaebeom has something else to ask you about. The overthinking from your wild imagination is getting to you. As the class concludes, you hurriedly pack your belongings, eager to continue with your day. Yet, before you can make your exit, Jaebeom's voice halts you in your tracks.

"Hey! I've been meaning to ask," his words are loud, receiving attention from your peers, "Do you have any plans for tomorrow? The Gammas are hosting a party, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming."

Bingo. This is exactly what you’ve been waiting for. Not an invite to a party per se, BUT now you suddenly have something to do with Yoongi tomorrow night after being ditched by everyone else.

“I’m down to go! I actually changed plans with a few friends so I don’t have anything to do tomorrow night.”

Jaebeom's response brings an even wider smile to your face. “Then I’ll see you there! You can bring a friend with you if you’d like.” And with that, you and Yoongi are definitely booked for tomorrow night.

With those words, your plans for tomorrow night are sealed. The newfound excitement has you beginning to wonder whether it’s actually alright to go considering Yoongi feels indifferent towards Jaebeom. You decide to call him about the plan on your way to the library for your daily fix of iced tea.

Dialing Yoongi's number, you initiate the conversation. "You and me, Gamma Omega Tau house party," you declare, your voice laced with anticipation.

His response holds a curious tone. "...So, I'll take that as a yes to house party hopping."

Chuckling, you clarify, maintaining your stance. "Well, we could do that if you're set on it," You explain, continuing your lowkey refusal to repeat that experience. “...but I actually got personally invited to the GOT party by Jaebeom.”

Yoongi's groan resonates through the line, conveying his reluctance but also a willingness to compromise. "If there's free booze and a chance to catch up with some other friends, then count me in."

“That’s perfect!” Excitement in your voice is clear to Yoongi as you both finalize plans for tomorrow night. Perhaps it’ll end up being a fun night for the both of you compared to what everyone else was doing instead. The upset feeling from all the sudden changes continues to linger in your chest, but you brush it away with the hopes of getting wasted on Friday.

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Friday comes by like a quick breeze. The day passes in a blur of classes, assignments, and hanging out with Yoongi and the rest of your friends. Evening comes around, and you find yourself getting ready for the Gamma Omega Tau party. You choose a cute yet comfortable outfit consisting of a revealing v-bar black tube top and ripped boyfriend jeans, hoping to strike a balance between looking good and feeling at ease. After a bit of makeup and fixing your hair, you are ready to head out.

You walk over to knock on Yoongi’s bedroom door. He opens the door revealing his outfit: a black tank top, acid-washed ripped jeans, and a black leather jacket to top it off. It definitely makes him exude his signature nonchalant charm. As he greets you with a nod, you can’t help but feel a flutter of excitement for the night ahead. You guys look so hot and would definitely make the other guys jealous of your totally awesome alternative Friday night plans if they were here.

The two of you make your way to the party a couple blocks away on frat row, the streets buzzing with energy as students get ready to party for the weekend. The Gamma Omega Tau house is alive with music, laughter, and the glow of colorful lights. You both enter the party, and immediately the atmosphere hits you—a mix of pulsating music, chatter, and the distinct scent of alcohol.

Yoongi heads to the makeshift bar in the kitchen to get drinks, while you decide to explore the party on your own. You bump into a couple of familiar faces from classes, exchanging greetings and catching up briefly. Some of these faces included Hwasa, your only dear female best friend who you haven’t seen much since moving out of your shared dorm freshman year. She is a little busy taking shots with who seems to be your old dorm floor neighbors Soyoon and Jieun. But overall, the night is young, and the anticipation of what it could bring is building up inside you.

A little while later, Yoongi returns with drinks in hand—something colorful and sweet for you, and something stronger for himself. You clink your cups together before taking a sip. The music is loud, and bodies are moving to the rhythm all around you. It was a sight to behold—the carefree spirit of college life on full display.

As the night progresses, you find yourself playing various party games, dancing a little with Hwasa, and meeting new people she introduces you to. Yoongi seems to be enjoying himself from a distance, laughing and chatting with a group of guys from his music class. He occasionally watches you from afar to make sure you don’t get lost or that something even worse doesn’t happen. Frat parties can be dangerous after all. It makes you feel a little happy that he does these little things and shows how much he cares about you. More than you thought before. However, there’s a sudden moment in the lively ambience when you start to feel a pang of loneliness. A sense of being adrift in a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Time seems to slip away as you’re lost in the lights, and before you know it, you are on your third drink. The alcohol is starting to take its effect, making you feel warm and a bit more uninhibited. Maybe this wasn’t the best choice. Maybe partying is not what you needed tonight to get your mind off of things.

And these thoughts are only amplified with the next thing you see. In the corner of the crowded kitchen, you catch Namjoon and Jihyo making out, and your heart races. You suddenly excuse yourself from the group you are chatting with and head towards the front door, seeking some space to clear your head.

However you stop yourself from bursting out of the open door. Instead, you lean against the wall, trying to steady your breathing. The noise and chaos of the party feel overwhelming now rather than numbing your thoughts from earlier. You clutch your cup as you look around, feeling like an outsider in your own surroundings. It’s in this moment of vulnerability that someone bumps into you, spilling their red jungle juice all over your clothes. You look down at your stained jeans emotionless.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" the girl exclaims, looking genuinely apologetic as she hands you some napkins. Your vision is blurring and you can’t tell if you know her or not. Her voice sounds familiar though.

Though, you manage a weak nod letting her know it was fine. It is in that unfortunate moment that you see your crush, JB, appearing out of nowhere walking in your direction. In the several hours you’ve been here this is when he decides to show up?! Your heart continues to race faster as he approaches, his eyes locking onto yours. Not right now, you plead to the gods internally that he isn’t coming towards you. But he does.

"Hey, Y/N, are you okay?" JB asks, his concern evident in his voice as he looks you over.

You feel a lump forming in your throat, not wanting him to see you in this state of vulnerability. Your eyes well up, and you fight to hold back tears. This isn't how you want him to see you, at your lowest point, struggling to keep it together.

Just as you are about to break down, a strong hand gently takes hold of your left arm, pulling you away from JB. You are led into the dimly lit hallway, away from the noise of the party. Not many people looming in this area. The door to the bathroom opens as someone leaves, and the person guides you inside before locking the door behind you.

Your visions starts to focus fully again. And you see…

It’s Yoongi.

His presence is a lifeline you forgot that you needed moments before.

"Y-Yoongi!" The exclamation trembles in the air, a mixture of surprise, relief, and the weight of your unraveling emotions.

In the dimly lit bathroom, you finally let your guard down, the tears streaming down your cheeks. Yoongi is momentarily taken aback by the intensity of your reaction, but swiftly recovers. He extends a napkin from his pocket, offering it as a gesture of support. His features, though, oscillate between concern and puzzlement, his brows slightly furrowed.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks softly, his voice a comforting presence in the midst of your turmoil.

You take a shuddering breath, trying to gather your thoughts. The alcohol is making it hard to articulate your feelings, but you manage to explain how seeing Namjoon and Jihyo had triggered a sense of loneliness and panic within you. Jimin dating Irene in what seemed to be a serious relationship also has you spiraling. It all makes you question the stability of your friendships and fear that you are slowly losing the people who once meant the most to you.

Yoongi listens intently, his gaze unwavering as he lets you pour out your feelings. When you are done, he leans against the sink, his expression thoughtful.

"I get it," he says, his voice soft but steady. "Change is hard, and sometimes it feels like everything is slipping away. But you know, life just keeps moving forward, and people change, I guess. But it doesn’t mean Namjoon or Jimin are leaving you behind."

You nod, sniffing as you wipe away your tears. "I know, but... it's just overwhelming seeing everything unfold."

He reaches out and gently tilts your chin up, meeting your gaze with his warm eyes. "You're not alone in this, Y/N. We're here for you, and we're all figuring things out as we go along."

His words strike a chord within you, a sense of comfort washing over you in the midst of your emotional storm. Yoongi's presence feels like an anchor, grounding you when everything feels chaotic.

Then, without warning, he looks at you intensely and asks, “Since we’re having this conversation, I’m questioning whether you like Jimin based on what you just said…"

You blink, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. "What? No! Jimin's like a brother to me. A reliable brother who understands me pretty well…” You pause a bit and mumble, “Well at least he used to."

He nods, his gaze unrelenting yet thoughtful, as if he's trying to read between the lines of your response. But then he asks another question that left you momentarily speechless.

"What about Namjoon?"

You hesitate, your mind racing. Your feelings for Namjoon have always been a bit more complex, and you aren't sure how to put them into words. Namjoon was your first friend out of the trio of him, Yoongi, and Jimin. He was 7 when he moved in next door from Korea as his dad got a new job working as a Chemical Engineer for an energy company in the US. You got along well with him as kids who both played Pokemon games and he was the only person you could trade with. He’s also the one who gave you his shiny purple Wailmer from his Pokemon Emerald. Eventually as you got older, you both came to enjoy reading books and art history. What does he mean to you?

Before you can muster a response to that, Yoongi suddenly adds another question, his voice gentle yet persistent. “What about me?”

Your gaze flickers to him, and you find yourself locking eyes with him. Then you quickly look away, focusing on the purple lighting in the bathroom.

This questions starts to add new thoughts that you hadn’t really considered due to your worries about Namjoon and Jimin. However now, the intensity of this current moment is almost overwhelming, and you feel a swirling mix of emotions within you. Yoongi's proximity, his unwavering gaze, and the weight of his questions are all converging, pulling you into a realm of introspection and vulnerability.

Yoongi seems to sense your uncertainty, your inner struggle. He steps closer, his presence enveloping you. His gaze remains fixed on yours, his face just inches away from yours. The air between you is charged, heavy with unspoken words and unexplored emotions. "You can tell me," he urges softly, his voice a gentle whisper that brushes against your skin.

As you look into his eyes again, your heart races. The alcohol has lowered your inhibitions, and in this moment, everything feels so intense, so raw. You try to form words, but they fail you. Instead, you let your gaze speak for you, letting your emotions flow through the unspoken connection between you. Suddenly Namjoon and Jimin are blurring away to only afterimages in your current state of mind. All you see in great focus is Yoongi right now.

Without another word, Yoongi closes the distance between you, his lips meeting yours in a gentle, tentative kiss. The world around you fades away, and all that matters is the warmth of his touch, the taste of his lips, and the rush of emotions that swirls between you.

The kiss is a silent confession, a release of feelings that have been building up for far too long. When Yoongi finally pulls away, his forehead rests against yours, his breath slightly uneven.

"Y-Yoongi..," you whisper, a mix of surprise and wonder in your voice.

Yoongi chuckles softly, his thumb brushing against your cheek. "Sometimes, things don't need to be said. They just need to be felt."

As you stand there, locked in each other's gaze, you realize that this unexpected turn of events has brought you closer to Yoongi in ways you didn’t anticipate. It’s a new chapter, a chance to explore something deeper and more meaningful between you.

With a gentle smile, he leans in to kiss you again, and this time, there is no hesitation, no uncertainty—just the promise of a connection that has been there all along, waiting to be acknowledged.

And so, in the dimly colored bathroom of the Gamma Omega Tau house, amid the sounds of distant laughter and music, you and Yoongi quickly unite lips once again.

As the intensity between you and Yoongi grows, the bathroom seems to shrink around you, leaving only the two of you enveloped in a bubble of shared emotion. His lips press against yours with a newfound urgency, a hunger that mirrors the feelings you have both kept hidden for so long. The taste of him is intoxicating, a blend of sweetness and warmth that sends shivers down your spine.

His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him. The touch of his fingertips against your skin sends a wave of electricity through your body, igniting a fire deep within you. Your own hands instinctively move to his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your palms.

The kiss deepens, a passionate dance of lips and tongues that leaves no room for doubts or reservations. Yoongi's fingers trail up your back, the sensation making your breath hitch. The world outside that bathroom seems distant, irrelevant, as your focus narrows down to the connection between your bodies and the raw emotion that flows between you.

A soft moan escapes your lips, a sound that seems to fuel the fire burning between you. Yoongi's lips leave yours, trailing a path of heated kisses down your jawline, his warm breath sending shivers across your skin. His hands move to your hips, pulling you against him, and you can feel his own desire pressing against your abdomen.

With a mix of urgency and tenderness, he captures your lips once more, pouring every unspoken word and hidden longing into the kiss. Your fingers thread through his hair, tugging lightly as his lips explore your neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears, each touch, each sensation sending ripples of pleasure through your body.

The soft fabric of your clothes seems like an obstacle now, an unnecessary barrier between your skin and his. Yoongi's fingers deftly work at the buttons of your tube top, his touch leaving a trail of fire along your exposed skin. Your breath hitches as his lips find the sensitive curve of your neck, his teeth grazing your skin gently, causing a shiver to course through you.

In a moment of boldness, your hands move to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up to reveal his bare chest. Your fingers trace the contours of his muscles, feeling the rise and fall of his breath beneath your touch. His lips find yours once again, a hungry, fervent kiss that speaks of the intensity of your emotions.

With a skillful touch, Yoongi lifts you up onto the bathroom counter, the cool surface sending a shock through your body. He stands between your legs, his hands moving to cup your face, thumbs brushing over your cheeks as he gazes into your eyes.

"I've wanted this for so long," he murmurs, his voice rough with desire.

You can only respond with a breathless nod before his lips crash against yours again. Not fully understanding the words that just left his mouth. The kiss deepens, a mixture of passion and tenderness that leaves you dizzy with sensation. His hands explore every curve of your body, memorizing the feel of your skin beneath his fingertips.

Your own hands aren't idle either, roaming his chest and back, reveling in the sensation of his skin against yours. The heat between you was undeniable, a magnetic pull that draws you closer with every passing second. And in that bathroom, amid the swirling emotions and the touch of your lips, you feel an unspoken promise taking root—a promise of something more, something real and beautiful.

The outside world fades into insignificance. The party, the noise, the worries about Namjoon and Jimin and everyone else—all of it melts away, leaving only the two of you and the intensity of this moment. As you hold onto each other, lost in the depths of your feelings, you know that this is a turning point that will permanently alter your friendship with Yoongi.

As the kisses between you and Yoongi continue, the electricity in the air grows stronger, pulling you both further into the depths of your shared desire. Every touch, every caress is a testament to the unspoken connection that has been building between you for so long. It’s as if the universe has finally aligned, allowing you to explore the feelings that have been simmering beneath the surface.

A soft, almost desperate, sound escapes Yoongi's lips as he reluctantly pulls away from the kiss, his forehead resting against yours as he tries to catch his breath. His eyes, dark and intense, lock onto yours, and you can see the raw emotions swirling within them.

"We should... we should get out of here," he murmurs, his voice rough with a mixture of longing and uncertainty.

You nod in agreement, feeling a rush of excitement and nerves course through you. This is a pivotal moment, a decision that could potentially change the course of your relationship. With a shared understanding, you both turn away from the party scene and make your way through the crowd towards the exit.

The cool night air hits you as you step outside, a welcome contrast to the heated intensity of the party. Yoongi's hand finds yours, his fingers intertwining with yours as you walk side by side down the dimly lit streets. The silence between you is charged with anticipation, every step bringing you closer to a new chapter in your story.

When you finally arrive back at the house, the atmosphere is different—quieter, more intimate. Namjoon didn’t come use the house like he said he would yesterday, you briefly recall. Maybe that’s a good thing. The GOT party is still in full swing, he is there with Jihyo, but you and Yoongi are in your own world here with no one to stop what is happening. The journey up the stairs to your shared house feels like a blur, your heart racing in anticipation of what is to come.

Once inside, you both head straight to your bedroom. The air is thick with tension, the unspoken yet silly question hangs in the air: Is this really happening? As you close the door locking it behind you, the outside world fades away, leaving only the two of you in the cocoon of your own space.

Yoongi turns to you, his gaze searching yours for reassurance. Without a word, you step closer, closing the distance between you. His hands find their way to your waist, pulling you gently against him. The touch of his body against yours sends a shiver of electricity through you, a reminder of the desire that has been building between you.

His lips find yours again, a kiss that holds all the pent-up longing and emotion that have been simmering beneath the surface. The taste of him, the feel of his lips moving against yours, is intoxicating. His hands roam your body with a reverence that sends waves of pleasure coursing through you.

With each kiss, each touch, the world around you fades away, leaving only the intensity of the moment. The bed is just a few steps away, an inviting sanctuary where you could explore the depths of your connection in private. Without breaking the kiss, you take his hand and lead him towards the bed, your heart pounding in anticipation.

As you stand at the edge of the bed, your eyes meet Yoongi's, a silent agreement passing between you. With a mixture of urgency and tenderness, you begin to undress each other, the air heavy with the weight of your shared desire. Yoongi's touch is gentle, his fingers tracing every curve of your body as he reveals the skin beneath your clothes.

Soon, you are both standing before each other, bare and vulnerable, yet completely unburdened by the weight of your emotions. You shyly stare down at Yoongi’s dick, admiring its pink, veiny appearance. It looks very girthy, potentially filling to the core. You're embarrassed to admit you might have imagined Yoongi naked before. When you were a middle schooler curiously imagining bodily differences between you and your male friends. But now seeing his beautiful body before you brings some excitement to your soft skin, some heat rushing through your core and nearly down your thighs, onto the floor. Your mouth suddenly dries and you feel self-conscious that your expression may be as plain and eager as it might be. He clears his throat, but that makes him more embarrassed. You bite your bottom lip, unsure of what to do.

He takes your hand and leads you to the bed. Yoongi's lips find yours once more, a kiss that speaks of promises and possibilities. With a gentle push, he guides you onto the bed, his body following yours as the kiss deepens.

The softness of the sheets beneath you, the heat of Yoongi's body against yours—it is a sensory overload, a symphony of sensations that leaves you breathless. You feel the cold sweat of his skin on yours as your bodies press together. His lips are against your jaw and your hands are exploring his body as much as you can with your legs around his hips. He climbs down to your mound and opens his mouth letting his warm, wet tongue lap over your clit. One of Yoongi's hands finds purchase on your hip to help you move with him while the long fingers of his other hand tease your enterance before pushing inside. His hot breath on your clit and his fingers inside you makes you want to beg for more. But the sensation is so intense it has rendered you speechless, the only noise to leave your mouth is a choked, muffled groan that only urges him further.

His tongue on you feels too good and you can only let him explore. You are enjoying the sensation and the way his fingers play your body like an instrument. You let out a loud gasp when you cum, your whole body arching towards him as pleasure washed over you, your thighs tightening around to his back. You feel your insides clench and throb as your orgasm washed over you in waves.

Yoongi smirks at you for a second as he lifts his head, removing his fingers from inside you. He climbs up your body until he reaches your lips. Your hand wraps around the back of his neck and you kiss him with fervor. You taste yourself in his mouth and it makes you hungry for more. You feel the pressure in your abdomen again, desperate for more. His body is hard, but not to the point of being uncomfortable. It’s a gentle pressure, a delicious tension that makes you want more.

"Y-Yoongi... I need more.." You whimper against his mouth, your tongue running over his bottom lip before you pull away and look into his eyes. "Please, I need more..."

"I've got you, angel." He whispers reassuringly before he moves away briefly to retrieve the condom he keeps handy in his wallet in case he ever needs it. The new nickname catches you off guard as he usually tends to call you Sunshine unless you’re having a serious conversation, like earlier. However you kind of like this name.

He opens the package with his teeth and rolls the rubber on himself. You whimper when you feel the head of his cock press against you. He slowly pushes inside, but it’s enough to make your head spin. His length fills you perfectly and you can feel yourself pulsate around him. He makes his way slowly inside you, pushing deeper until he is completely inside you. He then rests his forehead against yours. You look into each other's eyes and the intensity of his gaze is almost enough to make you cum right then and there.

"You're doing so well for me," He speaks softly, his voice hoarse with arousal. His praises pull a moan from your lips you can't supress.

He slowly pulls out then pushes back in watching as his cock disapears inside you. He pulls out again and does the same thing. His thrusts become faster with each time he pushes back inside. As your moans become louder, his thrusts become more eager. He adjusts himself until he finds a position that has his cock hitting your g-spot with each thrust, your legs lifting over his hips and your hands roaming his body to keep yourself grounded.

Yoongi's leaves small kisses along your neck and down to your breasts as he continues to fuck you. He acts carefully with each action he takes, and makes a point to watch your reaction for the slightest sign of discomfort. He never stops praising you, whispering how good you were for him and how much he loves having you like this, taking all of him. His sultry low voice is making you even more sensitive and it’s a bit overwhelming, but it somehow helps make your depressing thoughts from earlier at the party disappear. With him, you felt safe and cared for.

His hands come to cup your breast and you cry out as your body arches towards him. He keeps one hand cupping your breast and takes your nipple between his fingers and gently pinches it, eliciting a softer whimper from you.

You pull Yoongi against you closing the gap between your bodies, your fingers grip his hair tightly as you cry out, your insides clenching around him. Your back arches off the bed as your orgasm washed over you once again. He fucks you through your orgasm, and when your legs relaxed over his hips, he keeps pushing inside you. The sensation makes you want to cry from overstimulation, but at the same time you beg for more. His cock inside you feels too good, the pleasure is too much. You don't know what to do with your body or if you should be doing something at all. Your hands find their way up his forearms and hold on to them tightly.

"Do it," You whisper intimately. "Cum for me, Yoongi..."

Your words are added motivation for him to do just that. As he moves, his thrusts pushing deeper inside you, a cascade of sensations courses through both your bodies. Your back arches instinctively, a testament to the overwhelming pleasure that envelops you. He responds by lowering himself, his forehead meeting yours in an exquisite intimacy that intensifies the connection between you two.

Amidst the whirlwind of ecstasy, a thought flits through your consciousness—a moment of profound gratitude for the intoxicating sound of Yoongi's moans. It's a melody you never envisioned hearing, a symphony of vulnerability and shared pleasure that resonates deep within you. This unexpected harmony adds a new layer to your connection, stoking the flames of desire and amazement that consume every inch of your being. It leaves you feeling content and relaxed.

Yoongi's body shudders against yours, his moans gradually subsiding into contented sighs. With a gentle sigh of satisfaction, he slides his cock out and shifts on the bed, rolling over to lay beside you. Your chests rise and fall in tandem, the rhythm of your breaths slowly synchronizing as you find yourselves tangled in the aftermath of passion.

You both move again, laying side by side. Both of you catch your breath, the world around you receding into a hazy background as your gazes lock. Eyes that have seen each other's vulnerabilities, laughter, and shared moments now reflect a new layer of intimacy that words could never capture.

The lingering cocoons you both in a silence that speaks volumes. It's Yoongi who takes the initiative to pierce through the quiet, his voice carrying a breathless quality that mirrors the aftermath of your passion.

"How are you feeling now?" His words hang in the air, delicate yet heavy with unspoken meaning. His eyes hold a mixture of curiosity and concern, a testament to his attentiveness even in the midst of his own unraveling.

A playful smile tugs at your lips, your voice laced with a hint of mischievousness as you respond to his inquiry. "Never better," you answer, your words bathed in the soft notes of a giggle that dances between you.

His laughter echoes yours, a harmonious symphony of shared joy that envelops the space between you. It's a sound that transcends the physical, a connection that binds you beyond the realm of touch. In his laughter, you sense a quiet affirmation—a declaration that the bond you've nurtured extends beyond the passionate moments, into the realm of comfort, friendship, and a connection that defies categorization.

As the night wears on and the intensity of your connection slowly ebbs away, you find yourselves wrapped in each other's arms, your bodies intertwined in a tender embrace. Yoongi's touch is reassuring, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on your skin as you lay together in the quiet darkness.

"I want you to know," Yoongi's voice was soft, his breath tickling your ear, "that no matter what happens, I'll always be here for you. You mean a lot to me, and I don't want you to ever doubt that."

His words warm your heart, a balm to the insecurities that have been lingering in the back of your mind. In his arms, you felt safe, cherished, and valued—emotions that have been elusive for so long.

"I feel the same way," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. "You've always been there for me, Yoongi, and I'm grateful for that."

The quiet moment between you is filled with unspoken understanding. It is a pact, a promise to stand by each other's side no matter what challenges lay ahead. In this moment, the weight of your fears seemed to be lifted, replaced by a sense of comfort and reassurance.

But the hours drift by, and as the night grows deeper and the two of you grow more sober, the lingering consequences of your actions begin to cast a shadow over your thoughts. The warmth of Yoongi's embrace can't dispel the nagging worry that what you’ve done could have far-reaching ramifications.

It was the alcohol that further fueled your doubts, the liquid courage dulling your ability to rationalize. In the haze of your tipsy stupor, you begin to wonder if the intensity of the night is a result of the moment, the shared emotions, or simply the effect of alcohol clouding your judgment.

Despite Yoongi's assurances, the fear of what could come next gnaws at you. What if this changes everything? What if it ruins the friendship that has been the foundation of your relationship? The questions spiral in your mind, a whirlwind of doubt and uncertainty that refuses to be silenced.

In an attempt to push those thoughts away, you cuddle closer into Yoongi's chest. It is a fleeting distraction, a way to drown out the voices of doubt that echoed in the back of your mind. The feeling of Yoongi’s warmth becomes a welcome distraction from the complex emotions that threaten to overwhelm you.

A/N: HELLO! Did you like the first chapter?! would it be crazy if i told you I had been planning this fic since 2021 but never got the chance to really delve into it until right now?? Well that's exactly what happened. I'd love to hear your feedback on this fic! pls reblog and like if you enjoyed! I am currently working on chapter 2 and bits of chapter 3, so I hope to get it done by early/mid-September, so please look forward to it!

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seriouslycromulent · 5 months

Text

The Surprising Reason John Larroquette Took His Career-Defining Role on 'Night Court'

The comedy ninja reveals all this week's 'Parade' cover story.

MARA REINSTEIN

UPDATED:JAN 19, 2023

Get in a car and drive about 30 miles north of Portland, Oregon, into southwest Washington. That’s where you’ll find actor John Larroquette.

He and his wife, Elizabeth, have lived on a piece of rural property for about five years. He collects books and likes to narrate plays in his home recording studio. Sometimes the couple head into the city to try new restaurants and go to the theater and concerts. “It’s really beautiful,” he says. “And at my age, it’s time to slow down and be out somewhere.”

In fact, Larroquette is so fond of his far-from-Hollywood lifestyle that not too long ago, he considered himself retired from the business with a fulfilling career and a room full of trophies to show for it. Never did he think he’d return to grueling TV work, let alone reprise the very role that made him a household name.

Guess what happened next?

Yup, Larroquette, 75, is suiting back up as wise-cracking, endearingly smarmy lawyer Dan Fielding in a new version of the irreverent sitcom Night Court (premiering Jan. 17 on NBC). Set decades after the 1984-92 original, it still chronicles the colorful cast of characters passing through the New York City after-hours courtroom. But now, the Honorable Abby Stone (Melissa Rauch), the daughter of Judge Harry T. Stone (Harry Anderson), bangs the gavel.

Fielding starts the series as a process server, though not for long. “As an actor, I thought it would be an interesting idea to revisit a character 35 years later in his life and see what happened to him,” Larroquette says. “I can’t do the physical comedy and jump over chairs anymore, so my conversations with the producers were about how to find the funny.”

Call it the latest unexpected turn for a seasoned star who began his professional journey as a DJ for “underground” radio in the 1960s, moved from his native New Orleans to Los Angeles to jumpstart his career, once took a gig in exchange for marijuana, played a Klingon in the third Star Trek movie and completed rehab to kick his heavy drinking—all before his very first audition for Night Court in 1983. After the sitcom’s last episode, he won his fifth Emmy (for the drama The Practice) and a 2011 Tony for the Broadway revival of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. He and Elizabeth, wed for 47 years, have three grown children.

“I honestly wish I had a tape recorder going at all times because he’s led such an interesting life and has such wonderful stories,” marvels Rauch, his co-star and a Night Court executive producer. “He’s super-quick, funny and definitely tells it like it is.”

Exhibit A? His interview with Parade, in which he discusses life and death, and everything in between.

Did you sign on to the series right away or was it a tough sell?

When Melissa [Rauch] presented the idea to me, I immediately said, “No thank you.” I didn’t like the idea of being compared to my 35-year-old, younger self. These conversations went on for a year. Then, one day, she told me that she wanted to be on-camera as well, so I decided to try and do it. We ended up pitching the show together, and it got picked up. You know, in New Orleans, there’s a French word called “lagniappe,” which means “a little bonus.” That’s what I consider myself. She’s the heart of the show.

Sadly, a few of your co-stars—including Harry Anderson and Markie Post—have died in recent years. What was it like being on the set without them?

Very emotional. Harry passed away in 2018, but it’s still a tender spot in my heart because he and I were together for a long time even outside of work. Markie and I were very close, and we had exchanged a few emails about the show before she died [in 2021]. She was a big cheerleader for it. And Charlie [Robinson, who played the clerk “Mac”] died when we were shooting the pilot last year. I saw him a lot because we both love the theater. Being on the set—I don’t say this glibly—but it was like seeing dead people. I’d always remember how I had this bizarre and completely sincere family for nine years.

Going back to the 1980s, why did you originally take the Dan Fielding role?

It was a paycheck. This was 1983, and I was still a journeyman actor going from job to job. I was a regular on a series in the ‘70s [Baa Baa Black Sheep], but then I took a few years off to do some extremely heavy drinking. After I got sober and realized I wasn’t going to die, I thought, “What am I going to do?” I had been in a pretty big [1981] movie called Stripes with Bill Murray. I read for Ted Danson’s role in Cheers.

Wait, how far did you get in the Sam Malone casting process?

Oh, I just walked in and did a cold reading along with every other 32-year-old actor at the time. But then I auditioned for the judge in Night Court. The producers asked me to read for this other role of Dan Fielding and I said, “Sure.” Even if I hated the role, I would have taken it because I needed to make money to help pay the rent and support my family and be a responsible member of society. It was luck that I really liked it. Then I got lucky again when NBC picked up the show as a mid-season replacement.

During the height of the show’s popularity, you earned four consecutive Emmys for your performance. That must have felt beyond validating.

Obviously, being acknowledged by your contemporaries was an incredible honor. I don’t say that blithely. It was a remarkable, remarkable feeling. And I was up against some formidable talent—mainly all those guys from Cheers.

Why do you think the character was and is so appealing?

I think because he allowed the audience to know that he wasn’t a bad guy. He was more like a feckless buffoon. He also really wanted to be loved. As a matter of fact, in our pitch, we screened an old scene of Fielding in a hospital bed telling Harry, “I don’t have a life; I have a lifestyle. Nobody has ever said, ‘I love you.’” So when we find Fielding again, he’s loved and lost. And Harry’s daughter forces him out of his cave. It’s a real full-circle moment.

Let’s go back to your own start. Did you have any music skills coming out of New Orleans?

Well, I started playing clarinet in third grade, then I moved to the saxophone in the 1960s. But I euphemistically say that I could talk better than I could blow. So, I took that sax out of my mouth and became a DJ and started using my voice as much as I could. I’ve always loved the analog aspect of audio. I still have some reel-to-reel tape recordings and old microphones.

Is that how you ended up narrating the opening prologue for [the 1974 horror classic] The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

No, no, that wasn’t through any kind of past work. In the summer of ‘69, I was working as a bartender at a small Colorado resort in a little town called Grand Lake because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life. [Director] Tobe Hooper happened to be in town and we became friendly. Flash forward four years, and I found myself in L.A. collecting unemployment checks and trying to decide if I wanted to be an actor. Tobe heard I was in town and asked for an hour of my time to narrate something for this movie he just did. I said, “Fine!” It was a favor.

Per the Internet, he gave you a joint in lieu of payment. True?

Totally true. He gave me some marijuana or a matchbox or whatever you called it in those days. I walked out of the studio and patted him on his back side and said, “Good luck to you!” Now, I have also narrated the consequential films and did get paid. You do something for free in the 1970s and get a little money in the ‘90s. I’m not a big horror movie fan, so I’ve never seen it. But it’s certainly the one credit that’s stuck strongly to my resume.

But you’ve appeared on the big screen plenty of times. Did you have movie-star aspirations following all your TV success?

The movies I’ve done are mostly forgettable. Blind Date [from 1987] is an exception, but that’s because of Bruce Willis and Kim Basinger. And Blake Edwards directed it. It was funny. But my face is not made for a really big screen. It’s a broad, clown-like face. It’s good for a TV two-shot. And you ride the horse in the direction that it’s going and television was always right there and offering me stuff, so I kept doing that.

You also performed in a musical for the first time in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying in 2010. How was that change of pace?

I was hesitant to do it because I had never sung and danced on stage. I was convinced I was going to be fired in the first two or three weeks. I’d keep going in my head, “five, six, seven, eight!” just trying to get the steps down. But I loved the lifestyle of being a stage actor in New York. I loved working with Daniel Radcliffe, and we became fast friends. It got to a point where I couldn’t wait to get to the theater and try it again that night. If you’re given the opportunity to do something that may be a stretch, I think it’s important to try and see if you can pull it off.

Can you talk a bit about your personal life? You seem a little reclusive.

Reclusive isn’t accurate, but I’m definitely an introvert. Elizabeth and I met doing the play Enter Laughing and got married in 1975. She puts up with me, and you can’t ask for much more than that. Our kids are grown. My daughter Lisa is a graphic designer and my son Jonathan has had a podcast for the past 17 years called Uhh Yeah Dude. And my youngest son, Ben, is a musician who graduated from the Berklee School of Music. He actually composed the new theme music for Night Court. They’re all lovely, and I love them dearly.

That’s quite a professional and personal success story, no?

You know, considering where I’m from and the kind of culture I grew up in, yes. I’ve been very successful in my chosen field. And I’m grateful for having done that because there were times when I thought I would not live, much less have a career. It’s nothing to be taken for granted. But I’m very old now. Three quarters of a century. I’m sort of playing with house money from now on, regardless of what happens.

Sorry, but 75 isn’t very old!

Yes, it’s old. It’s old. Please. It’s old. There are certainly people who live longer, but I can go down the list of wonderful friends and coworkers who are now deceased. One being Kirstie Alley, my costar in [the 1990 comedy] Madhouse, who was younger than I am. She was a lovely person, and so funny. There are only a few more exits on the freeway and you’ve got to choose one. But I’m not afraid of the hereafter and I don’t bemoan it. It’s been an interesting ride, and all rides eventually end.

Do you have any sort of words to live by?

As corny as it sounds, take things one day at a time. You know, I learned when I stopped drinking at age 32 that all you have is right now. Use the present in your life as much as you can.

Source: https://parade.com/celebrities/john-larroquette-night-court-cover-story

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My thoughts (please feel free to ignore):

I'm sure someone in the fandom has already posted this interview John did last year with Parade magazine when the new Night Court premiered. But I can say that it's new to me, so I'm sharing it in case it's new to someone else too.

I apologize for the highlighted purple sections above. That's just me marking the parts of the interview that resonated with me the most.

I don't know about anyone else, but some parts of his answers to the questions made me feel kind of sad. Partially because he's clearly experiencing grief at the loss of his friends. And partially because John himself may not be with us for much longer (although I hope I'm wrong and he beats Betty White to 100).

But I was talking to my mother about some of his answers, and she said that as someone who has reached an age milestone herself, she understands his perspective. And I guess I do too.

It's important to remember that in any other profession, John would likely be retired by now. So we should really be grateful for any roles he takes or public appearances he makes, and hope that his days ahead are filled with the calm, joy and laughter that he so rightly deserves.

#john larroquette #new night court #night court #fandom #interview #parade magazine #night court 2023 #bittersweet

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