#that was all just a very long aside in the tags lol. anyway follow me on twitch & perhaps consider subscribing as well if u want to <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[raychromatic]

hey check this out: Goals on my twitch profile :3

(i care more about the follower goal than the sub goal tbh, but maybe if i get more subs i'll feel motivated to finally make some new emotes lol)

⭐ twitch.tv/raychromatic

[imdoingaokay]

Cullen x f!Inquisitor/Reader - After It All...

summary - after the events of Veilguard, Cullen meets his wife in Minrathous

word count - 900+

warnings - fem!reader, HUGE VEILGUARD SPOILERS (it's just one really big one, but it's still there, please don't read if you don't want to be spoiled!), mentions of children, Inquisitor's race is left up to the reader, some artistic license taken in general + what's going on in the south of Thedas (specifically Ferelden)

a/n - hey guys. been a while. I graduated nursing school and started a job, so I've been a wee bit busy. but obviously, I gotta write. I missed y'all. like- a lot. I may do the other Inquisition romances if I feel like it or if it gets asked, but I needed to write this for my sake. I feel very strongly about how much/little some characters were mentioned lol. anyways, enjoy!

It’s nighttime when she returns. 

Cullen wasn’t sleeping, though that wasn’t necessarily by choice. Aside from seeing her, nothing about this trip was by choice.

He would’ve rather their children stay with his sister and would’ve much rather not have them tag along with Cullen to Tevinter of all places. But with Redcliffe and The Blight… he couldn’t leave them anywhere. Not while she was gone. What if something happened in his absence? He’d… Maker, he knew not what he’d do.

Cullen struggled to leave his siblings behind in Gwaren, but they had shooed both him and the children away.  He could only hope for their safety. 

Still, he held no affection for Tevinter or her people. The way the family was sneered at whenever one of them was to speak, whenever someone threw a glance over to them, it was obvious. The people of Tevinter knew what he and, more importantly, his children were. Then again, maybe it wasn’t the best move to bring the dogs… they were a dead giveaway.

“Wasn’t like I could leave them behind…” Cullen murmured, glancing around the dark room. He shook his head and exited the large bedroom before quietly strolling down the hall.

The house was rented by Dorian, when Cullen had arrived and promptly assumed he was in the wrong place, Dorian ushered him back.

“You don’t expect me to let you stay in some inn, do you?” The magister had scoffed

The only thing that calmed Cullen’s nerves was the mention that they’d be under constant supervision by Morrigan… somehow.

And speaking of Morrigan, Cullen passed by an empty room. Morrigan had popped by and suggested leaving an eluvian inside for easier access, something Cullen shut down immediately. He wasn’t letting some fade demon/spirit/creature come anywhere near his family.

Cullen passed by the bedrooms, peeking in through the cracks and seeing the familiar locks of hair peeking out from under the covers. The children were so excited to be in such a fancy house, after living in the countryside for so long, it was almost like a vacation for the children. Cullen smiled to himself, remembering how the children ran throughout the halls, chasing one another while Cullen followed behind with the dogs. If Tevinter wasn’t such a mess and didn’t hate his love so much, he wouldn’t mind coming up for a vacation occasionally.

Cullen slowly made his way back to the bedroom, his thoughts drifting to his wife. Maker, he missed her. So did the children. Everyone missed her. Her letters were wonderful, but they could never replace the thing they all wanted.

“Maker…” he sighed, leaning against a wall. He hadn’t heard any news, no whispers of death, but… what if…

CREEEEAAAAAK

Cullen shot up, suddenly not tired or worried. That was the front door, he was certain. He quickly went into the bedroom and grabbed his sword before walking back down the hallway, checking inside the rooms quietly, making sure his children were safe before moving down.

He heard the intruder's footsteps and finally thought he got them, jumping out from the corner with his blade pointed at their throat. He’d ask questions. Who sent them? Who knew they were there? Whatever else came to mind.

But his thoughts were all thrown away when he finally saw his prey. Those eyes, those lips, Maker that voice calling for him.

“My love…” he breathed, letting the sword drop down, “Why didn’t you…”

“I wanted to be quiet…” The Inquisitor whispered, watching her husband nearly drop his sword before enveloping her in a tight hug. How long had it been? Weeks? Months? Too long, that was certain. Ever since he had arrived in Minrathous, their communication had been brief, he wasn’t even able to learn of Varric’s passing through her, only through Dorian, who had passed by one day to bring sweets for the children and somber news to Cullen. That evening, it had been a difficult task to explain to the children why Uncle Varric wouldn’t be coming by next summer after all. So much death in so little time, The Blights, the dragons, and with his lifeline off in The North while his nightmares grew worse in The South, Cullen was even more stressed than he was during The Inquisition.

So lost in his thoughts, Cullen hadn’t even noticed the tears that had slipped down his cheeks, it was his wife who, after finally breaking away, wiped the tears with some whispered words of affection.

They stayed like that for a while, in a tight embrace, occasionally pulling away only to be brought back again. And even when they had pulled away completely, it was only so she could put her things down. “We should go to bed…” She hummed, “I think the children will sense us and-” She began, only to be cut off by the pitter-patter of feet and the crying out of The Inquisitor’s other, newer, title.

Over an hour later, after some tears and many kisses pressed to cheeks, noses, and foreheads, the happy family lay together in one bed. The children passed out quickly, leaving Cullen and his beloved again awake.

“We have a lot of work to do…” He whispers, “The South is-” He begins before feeling his wife’s finger on his lips.

“Tomorrow…” She says, “I only want you and *this*-” She gestures to the children sprawled out over the bed, “... tonight if that’s alright. Tomorrow, we’ll…” She yawns, and Cullen smiles.

“I know…” He says, draping an arm over his wife his youngest, who planted themselves in between the pair, “I love you…” He sighs happily. “I love you too.” She smiles and finally closes her eyes. Cullen realized that she was probably exhausted, as was Cullen. So, finally feeling at peace, Cullen closed his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

That night, Cullen slept dreamlessly, something he had missed almost as much as he missed her.

[calebs-hangout-corner]

(Long happy/?? rant incoming. Sorry, I just saw your account and had to talk to someone about this)

Ough. I've been thinking about when I read the original The Ghost Next Door book and it honest-to-God changed my mind or something because no book I've read so far is as of high reputation in my mind as that. Maybe it was because I was younger and hadn't read as much, but I have had it in my head for like a month now to Get That Book for myself. My school library has like twenty or so of the books but not that one!! When I saw the Goosebumps collection I was like "NO WAYYYY" but then I got really disappointed when it wasn't there. I need to ask the librarian if they can get it LOL.

Anyway, I remembered it again after going through a nostalgia blog and I searched the tag. Lo and behold, there was your blog! I don't remember any of the other plots very well (from the ones I read; the bookshelf where I originally read it was TINY and barely ever had GB books), nor any of the characters aside from Hannah and Danny, but nevertheless I'm enjoying your Goosebumps art and content a lot. Btw your art style is awesome. :D

I'm now desperate to find somewhere to watch the original 90's show. I've seen it's on Google Play or whatever and Microsoft, but I need to look into that. Help is appreciated, if you know where.

But I guess my question is: what books do you recommend? I like both the standard and the choose your own adventure ones (idk if there are any others). I read/started reading The Haunted Mask, The Werewolf of Fever Swamp, Welcome to Camp Nightmare, The Ghost Next Door (duh), Let's Get Invisible, Monster Blood, The Cuckoo Clock of Doom, The Girl Who Cried Monster (I think. That's the one where the guy eats the bugs or whatever, right?), Escape From Camp Run-for-Your-Life, You Can't Scare Me, Scream of the Evil Genie and/or Be Careful What You Wish For (one of them, lol, maybe both. I think it involved a cola can?).

Any suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks for reading this long-as-hell ask and also thank you if you respond! Obviously, no pressure. Hope you have a great week and good things come your way!

P.S., you got me to start listening to the Goosebumps the Musical: Phantom of the Auditorium soundtrack and it's so good.

-👻🪐 (I hope emoji anons are okay, just in case there's a follow-up ask or something)

Hello!!! This message is very sweet and I had fun reading it, thank you! I'm sorry it took me a day to respond, I was a little busy!

I hope you're successful in finding the book. My library has the opposite problem: It has no books except Ghost Next Door (germany doesn't really sell them anymore, so they're hard to come by, even in libraries). Also, all the Goosebumps episodes you can find on YouTube somewhere! There's many reuploads of them.

As for books I'd recommend, you've already read a few of the ones I really like! But if you need more my favorites you haven't read from the series' you mentioned liking include:

- Phantom of the Auditorium (but like the book version! Very good, very fun, really emphasises the "the gang shares one braincell" part)

- Werewolf Skin

- Calling All Creeps

- Night of the Living Dummy 1 and 2, I've heard the third is good too but that one actually didn't manage to hold my attention, but maybe it will for you!

- Welcome To Dead House (This one's fun)

- Piano Lessons Can Be Murder (I just think it's neat)

- A Night In Terror Tower (Again, I just think it's neat!!), This one also has a "Give Yourself Goosebumps" sequel book "Return To Terror Tower) I recommend aswell!

- Beware, The Snowman!

As for the Give Yourself Goosebumps books I'm like "Please Don't Feed The Vampire"

Those are the books I'm fond of. It's a bit of a list, I hope you don't mind!

[kesoyotes]

Hi! Your art is so cool and colorful :) I love it!!! Anyways, can you tell me more about Vulpecula and Conor? I can’t find anything/am too lazy to look, lol. They look so cool and I love foxes!!! I also love how you did a reference sheet of them throughout the ages. Have a good day!!!

(this is going to be a long answer I am so sorry in advance HSHSHSHSHS)

First of all THANK YOUUU 🥹🥹 I love bright colors a lot and it definitely shows but I love the vibe they bring and that's why I use them so much l

Secondly, YES I CAN!! always very eager to ramble about my OCs, but if u wanna see more of them they do have their own tag on my blog which I'll tag this post with too.

Plus they both have Toyhouse pages with their full stories and tabs for the other TMNT cartoons! Here's Vulpecula's page and Conor's page.

In the 2012verse, Vulpecula and Conor are two mutant foxes who were caught in the crossfire of the mutagen spill before being captured by the Foot and trained as deadly weapons under the Shredder. After the Shredder's web of lies begin to cause more havoc and heartbreak, though, Vulpecula turns against the clan after questioning her morality, not wanting anyone to suffer just because of a pointless vendetta. Conor would eventually follow in the same footsteps as his sister after witnessing Karai's mutation, having his own moral dilemma after seeing the Shredder's brutality before turning against the Foot during the Invasion. The twins eventually become great allies to the Turtles, however they both suffer from a lot of survivor guilt from their ordeal with the Foot. Vulpecula feels great regret from her actions and often tries to sacrifice too much to make up for it, while Conor, despite not wanting to hurt anyone anymore, struggles with letting go of the brutal ways he was trained.

In Rise of the TMNT, Vulpecula and Conor act more like petty rivals to the Turtles. They're not necessarily villains, but more like anti-heroes who just want to mess with the Turtles and get under their skin. Despite their rivalry, the twins will put it aside if the world is at stake, helping the Turtles if the situation calls for it. Rest assured, though, it's only temporary!

As for their 2003 iteration, I'm still rewatching the show so I don't have a definitive story for them yet LMAO, but I'm working on it

These are all very basic summaries, and again their Toyhouse pages have a lot more detail, but I hope that's enough! I really do want to draw out more of their lore ...

(also I do have an AU for the 2012verse where Conor stays with the Foot and awful things happen but that's a story for another day 😼)

Thank you so much for the ask!! I hope you have a great day as well!!

[cryptids-lobelia-garden]

Lol sorry this is a day late I was honoring the April 1 strike for Palestine and then yesterday my internet was really slow and Tumblr draft edit wouldn’t work

Anyway.

Warnings: idk how these work please lemme know if I need to tag anything else but uh. Manipulative/kinda creepy whumper, a conditioned whumpee and his self destructive/self sacrificial tendencies, caretaker was hurt by whumpee in the past (not in a whump way just in a whumpee tried to destroy the world and caretaker had to stop him way) but he’s grown over the time they’ve been apart and come to understand the whumpee’s actions, uh. This is Pokémon and I’m going with a nuanced take of some of them are sapient and some aren’t and caretaker is very much a Pokémon, also whumpee is a canon character and might act OOC for. Reasons that will hopefully be revealed over the course of this month if I can get this challenge done :D oh also I follow canon VERY loosely bc there’s like three different canons and I’m here to have fun not to police my story writing so uh. Ye

Anyway, there’s also some mind control in there, some frostbite, some.. It’s like a chemical burn sort of, some dissociative panic attack flavored stuff, uh. Animal attack? Oh yeah and dismemberment lol- this one is. A little. Uh. Yeah

Oh and if you see these characters on another account ask that account if it’s me before getting upset bc uh. I have posted abt them on my main before

Anyway. Yeah. Enjoy this, uh. Please don’t judge me I can’t get these freaks out of my head hsjdjdjd

Day 1: Limp

Reunited Arc Part 1

~~~~~

It was supposed to just be a normal day off.

Cheri was headed to Celestic City to meet with a historian, to answer questions about Dialga and the Diamond Clan.

He’s taking the train, since he didn’t feel like walking all that way or making any of his Pokémon carry him.

It was supposed to be a normal day, but he sees a familiar face, and he has to do a double take.

Long blond hair, one eye covered, tied in its usual messy bun in the back. A shining silver eye, which is currently focused on a watch on their own wrist. Cheri would’ve guessed that was Cynthia, but he’s a guy, and he’s wearing a form-fitting black turtleneck tank top, a denim jacket over it.

The modern clothes on him are such a foreign sight.

But there’s no mistaking it.

Volo.

Cheri feels his blood freeze near instantly. A few people step away as the space around him begins to grow cold, a breeze of malice brushing through the air.

Volo hasn’t noticed him yet, and Cheri’s debating between just leaving and confronting the man.

Celestic Town is pretty close to Mount Coronet, but Cheri has prior arrangements. If he decides to go after Volo, he might not make it to the city on time, if at all. And someone guards the mountain now after Cyrus, right? So it’s not like Volo will be able to actually get there.

Unless he takes a path that isn’t through the caves. But even then, Arceus will be fine, they’re a god, it’s fine.

Maybe Cheri should just avoid all this and ride a bike to town. He left himself enough time to, after all.

But the train doors close, making Cheri’s choice for him. He can’t just say nothing.

So he steps forward.

“Hey.”

Volo looks up from his watch, eyes wide. “Hello- I’m sorry, am I in your way?” Who is this? He looks familiar..

Cheri shakes no. “You shouldn’t be here.”

Volo stops, staring at the stranger(?) for a moment. He knows me. Who is this? Usually, when people are angry at me in this time, it’s because they’ve mistaken me for Cynthia. But it seems like this one’s here for ME, not her-

His eyes widen. He goes pale. Takes a step back, his voice quiet enough that only the man in front of him hears it. “Cheri.” The one of the siblings I ESPECIALLY did NOT want to run into.

I don’t have time for this! Not now- of all the times I could have run into him, it had to be this last mission?

He pushes his thoughts aside, putting on a grin and trying to act like everything’s fine.

“Haha, it’s fancy seeing you here! What a coincidence!” I can’t do this right now! I’m on a time limit- this is THE WORST possible timing for this to happen, so of course it does.

“What a coincidence indeed,” Cheri says, voice low, taking another step forward as Volo takes a step back.

Volo’s smiling, that same pleasant grin Cheri remembers from all those years ago. But Cheri knows it’s a lie, can sense the fear coming off the man.

“Why are you headed to Mount Coronet? You and I both know you shouldn’t be there.”

“Listen, I can explain, but I don’t have much time- but I am not here for Arceus.” Cheri doesn’t seem convinced, so he keeps talking. “I’m here to protect Arceus, actually, from someone much worse than I am.”

“Hm. A likely story.” Cheri starts reading his emotions a little more.

“I swear on my life, that’s behind me.” Please, please, please please PLEASE believe me. I know you have every reason not to, after what I’ve done, but please just listen.

Cheri hums, thinking this over for a moment.

He doesn’t sense any lies from the man, strangely enough. He lets his magic push forward a little further, sensing for Volo’s intentions.

He doesn’t sense anything to do with Arceus at all, actually. No lies, no deceit.

Interesting..

Volo shivers as he feels a cold chill brushing through him, though the pleasant mask of a smile stays firmly in place. They reach their stop. I need to get away. He turns on his heel. “Well, I’ll be seeing you around-” Cheri’s hand is on his shoulder, and he tenses, breath catching in his throat. Please have mercy. Whatever you’re about to do, just don’t hurt me too badly.

Cheri’s voice is quiet, his expression grim. “You’re on a suicide mission, aren’t you.”

Shock, surprise. He shakes his head, smile growing strained. “Wh- how did you-” Volo clears his throat, turning back to smile at Cheri. “It doesn’t matter. No matter what happens, whether it’s him who dies or me, the problem will be over. And I’m probably not going to die anyway. Why?”

Cheri frowns, thinking that over for a few moments. Him? I’m assuming that’s who he’s saying he’s protecting Arceus from? If Volo dies, doesn’t that mean the problem isn’t technically over? Because we still have someone out there who’s willing to attack Arceus to further a goal. And if Volo, of all people, thinks this guy could KILL him, with Pokémon as powerful as his.. “..I’m coming with you.”

Why? What does he want out of this? “He is dangerous. You shouldn’t come with, he could kill you, and I am not worth it.” How much does he know? How did he know?

“Well, that’s all the more reason for me to come with.” If this guy really is as much of a threat as Volo says he is, I need to make sure this guy doesn’t get anywhere near the creation quartet. The two step off the train, and Cheri crosses his arms, head tilting to the side. “If you’re telling the truth, it sounds like this guy needs to be taken out.”

Volo looks up at Cheri for a second, opening his mouth to argue, and Cheri ignores his own annoyance, interrupting before Volo starts.

“I’ve fought gods. I’ve fought you. I’m sure I can take this guy out just fine.”

Volo frowns. “You should want me dead, you know-”

“No. Nope.” Cheri pinches the bridge of his nose. “Shut up with that, I’m not gonna listen to you talk about yourself like that.” Because as angry as I am at him for everything..

I can’t bring myself to hate him. Can’t bring myself to hate anyone, really, but ESPECIALLY not him.

We’re the same, after all.

Volo shuts his mouth, keeping the surprise off his face. I betrayed him and his siblings. Am I not just speaking truth? “..okay. ..I’ll explain while we walk, but we need to hurry.” I really am not worth it. But.. I doubt I’ll be able to talk him out of this. He always was stubborn, even more so than his sister at times..

What does he want, coming with me on this? Perhaps he’s just making sure I’m telling the truth about not being after Arceus, but then if he knows how dangerous this mission is..

..What should I tell him? What should I leave out? He needs to know at least some of the situation. Maybe if he knows it’s no real threat to anyone except me, he’ll leave the situation be? He knows I deserve this, after all, was on the receiving end of my worst mistake..

Cheri follows the man, who seems to be lost in thought, and he soon gets lost in his own. Who is “he”..? I could look into his fears and see.. no, that’s too invasive. Even for Volo.

..I really don't know much about him, Hisui was so long ago.. And even back then, he tried to avoid being around me as much as he could. He could tell I didn’t trust him. He hung out with Ana and Keyo much more often. But..

He looks up at Volo. Volo looks back, smiling that pleasant smile again. But it’s tense. Almost strained. Cheri gives as reassuring of a smile as he can, but it only seems to make the guy more tense, so Cheri looks away.

I’m pretty sure that this isn’t like him. He manipulated my siblings and I into helping him collect the Plates, avoiding the dangerous work for himself; it isn’t like him to do something so dangerous like this.

Cheri carefully looks at Volo out of the corner of his eye, studying Volo’s face for a moment. His eyes glow as he looks into Volo’s emotions, grimacing when he feels a wave of anxiety and self hatred and quickly stopping, pulling his magic away.

Whoa..

..He doesn’t feel the same. I don’t feel the sense of untrustworthiness I did back then.

I wish I had a hold on my powers then, because I don’t have any idea how different he truly is, I have no clue if that self hatred was there before, but I know for a FACT the anxiety wasn’t. I can see it even without my abilities.

Volo’s looking around at every face as they walk. It’s hard to notice the nerves behind the pleasant smile, but Cheri can tell from how tense he’s holding his shoulders, a tenseness that didn’t exist back in Hisui.

And his eyes are.. darker, somehow, and his breath hitches every so often as people look at him.

And he looks sick. He has eyebags dark enough they almost look like bruises. He’s pale- even more so than he was back then.

He’s still smiling, but something about the smile is even more fake than it used to be; at least in Hisui, the confidence was real.

What happened to take his confidence?

They’re around less people now, and Volo takes a breath, turning to look at the trail. “So!” Volo claps his hands together with a fake chipper attitude. “The man we’re going after.. His name is Eclipse.”

With the name, Cheri notices fear.

Memories.

He doesn’t look into them, that’s invasive, but he can tell they’re there. That’s not good.

“He’s..” Volo thinks for a moment. “..Not a good man.” Then he points into the air, finger wagging as he talks. “And he’s leading me straight into a trap! And he likely knows that I know that it’s a trap. And he also knows that I’m going to come anyway, whether I know it’s a trap or not. But!” Volo turns to Cheri suddenly, pointing at him with a smile. “If I walk into the trap, he’ll stop everything he’s doing. He only wants me. I mean, he also wants to take revenge on- well, that doesn’t matter, but he’ll stop if I give myself to him.”

“If you what?” Cheri’s staring to get genuinely worried, eyebrows furrowing. “Volo, who is this guy?”

“Someone who gave me what I deserve,” Volo says quickly, then he shakes his head. “It really doesn’t matter. Go home, this doesn’t concern you.”

“Arceus is part of it, and you are too, so uh. Yeah. It does concern me, actually.” Damnit, that wasn’t supposed to sound so pointed. I’m WORRIED, about HIM, not about Arceus.

Volo shakes his head. “Really, it’s fine. I’m not here to do anything to Arceus. No plates, no flute, you can check my bag if you want. I’m just here for Eclipse. I’m here to try to take him down, and if that doesn’t work, well.. The problem will be gone either way!”

There’s a sour taste in Cheri’s mouth. Something’s very, very wrong here. “So, what, you’re just gonna let this guy take you and do Arceus knows what?”

“It’s deserved.” Volo smiles at him again, though it’s more strained and looks much more like he’s pleading. “Please, just leave, this is not worth your safety.”

“Nope. No, not happening. I’m coming with you whether you like it or not, you’re not gonna talk me out of it now.” This whole situation.. Whatever’s going on, it really seems like it’s MUCH worse than he deserved. Prison maybe, I could see that. Maybe getting grabbed by a time traveler who could teach him about exactly why what he did was dangerous.

But something tells me someone went way too far.

Volo’s smile grows more strained. “..I was afraid of that,” he murmurs, then he shakes his head. “Well. Hm. ..okay. I.. suppose this might be a good thing. He probably thinks that I’m not coming with backup- I wasn’t planning to, so.” Volo shakes his head, smile fading entirely as he turns back to the trail up Mount Coronet. “Anyway.. He has been collecting legendary and mythical Pokémon from different times and places. We’re not sure what all he has- we know for sure he has Regiice, Azelf, and possibly the other two lake spirits, as well as the Red Chain.”

Who is “we”?? Wait. SHIT. Cheri’s neck snaps he turns to Volo so fast. “He has the red chain?”

Volo, fairly used to ghost-type shenanigans, barely bats an eye. He just nods, a grim look on his face. “And he’s going after Arceus with it.”

“That’s.. not good.” Cheri turns back to the trail, frowning down at it and kicking a few pebbles forward. “But if he takes you, the problem’s over? Why?”

Volo thinks for a moment. “He’s.. very angry with me, and it’s me specifically that he’s after, despite the situation,” he says. Cheri can tell Volo’s verbally stepping around details, so he stays quiet, waiting for Volo to explain. “..I caused him to lose everything he had.”

“..with the rift, or..?”

“Oh, no, not like that.” Volo quickly shakes his head, hands waving. “No, he just..” Volo grimaces, looking away, what Cheri would have been able to see of his face hidden behind his hair. “He.. Well. He did some pretty bad things to me. Which! That was deserved, really, you know I deserved them.” Cheri grimaces. He keeps saying that it’s deserved.. it’s putting a bad taste in my mouth. Before Cheri can say anything, Volo keeps talking. “But when Management saw what he did, they kicked him from-” He shakes his head. “You know, I actually don’t think I’m supposed to talk about that. Forget I said anything about Management.”

“Okay.” So, he was in some secret club or something, and this Eclipse guy hurt him and got kicked out over it. “..the hell you mean ‘it’s deserved’? What did he do?”

Volo’s lips press into a thin line for a moment, then he glances at his watch. “Oh, look at the time!” Volo grimaces as he looks at the cave through the mountain. “We should hurry, let’s leave the path and just climb it, this cave system must be new; I am unfamiliar with it.”

Okay, he’s avoiding the question. Cheri frowns, ignoring the annoyance stewing in his gut and following Volo off the path. Then Eclipse must have done something pretty bad.

Or maybe he’s just a very private person. He avoided questions a lot back in Hisui.

Then again, in Hisui, he had a lot of things to hide.

..What is this club he was in? Some sort of evil team? But if it is, why would they have sent him to PROTECT Arceus from this Eclipse guy?

Given our past, I’d think he was lying if I couldn’t tell. He is so incredibly lucky I have the ability to tell.

“..so. He’s got a bunch of legendaries. Why are they with him?”

“They’re not with him willingly,” Volo explains, finding a good spot on a cliffside to start climbing. “He has this device, it’s from the future- Ah! Did I mention he’s from the future? Anyway, he has this device, which is controlling them through technologically created psychic power. They don’t want this, so we need to try to avoid hurting them, so the hoppers can bring them home- they’re from different times, he’s been jumping through time to take them.”

Cheri blinks a few times, head tilting to the side in confusion. “Hoppers?? Jumping through time???” Holy shit, wait, was I accidentally right about a time traveler grabbing him?

I guess it makes sense how he’s here then.

“It’s a very long story.” One I am probably not allowed to tell you. Well.. I might be able to, considering the fact that technically, you’re a time traveler. One chosen by Arceus, no less. But.. I don’t want to drag you into this mess. Not any more than I already have, anyway. Volo shakes his head. “Anyway, we’re not sure what exactly he’s controlling them through, but we believe it’s his bracelet.”

“Gotcha.” Cheri frowns. “So, don’t hurt the legendaries, break his bracelet.”

“Exactly.” Getting to the top of the cliffside, Volo turns around to pull Cheri up, though Cheri waves him off, he doesn’t need the help. “And try not to get hurt yourself.”

Cheri nods, smirking. “Thanks, Sherlock.”

Volo blinks a few times in confusion. “..Sherlock..?”

“It’s a reference- there’s this book-” Cheri shakes his head. “Nevermind.” Noticing a sneasel sneaking up on him, he snarls at it, letting an illusion lash towards it. It squeaks in fear, running off. “Sorry, can’t risk it with dark types.”

“No, that’s fine.” I already knew he wasn’t human anyway, though it’s interesting to see him actually use his abilities.

However, it IS a little frightening.

Was that meant to be a show of power, or was he genuinely just scaring it off?

What exactly does he want with me?

Volo turns, and they keep walking, an uncomfortable silence falling between the two.

“..you know.. I have time.”

Volo looks over at him in confusion.

“For a long story I mean.”

“This isn’t one you want to hear,” Volo quickly says. Please don’t ask again.

Luckily for Volo, Cheri just looks at him for a moment, almost seeming to study him. Volo shudders at the way Cheri seems to be staring straight into his soul.

Then Cheri nods, turning to the next cliffside to climb in silence.

Volo watches him for a moment longer before turning back to climb. ..He doesn’t trust me. I can tell. He might never trust me again, and honestly, that would be warranted.

It’s really unfortunate timing, that this has happened now, of all times. Right now, when I’m doing something important. One last thing before there’s nothing left for me to do, nothing left that I can fix.

..I suppose if I survive this, I can let him and his siblings decide my fate afterwards. Those three were the ones most directly affected by my actions.. Then they’ll get the final decision, if it isn’t made here.

..for now, though.. I can, at the very least, try to give him closure.

“..I.. want to apologize,” Volo mutters.

Cheri turns to look at him, subconsciously checking his intentions, and oh, this is a genuine apology. “Hm?”

“For.. Not only the rift, and pulling you and your siblings from your home, but also for betraying the three of you. ..I hope you know it wasn’t just.. It wasn’t all just manipulation. You three were some of the few people I could genuinely consider friends, had I not been holding you all at arms length.” I might as well be genuine. Maybe in return, he’ll do the same..

No. I shouldn’t hope, I don’t get to hope, but..

It would be nice, if it was something I deserved.

Cheri blinks a few times as he feels the sincerity. Interesting.. “..They’re going to want apologies too, you know. ..thanks, by the way, that.. actually means a lot.” He looks up the mountain, thinking for a moment. “..You really have changed, haven’t you.”

Volo hums, making a so-so gesture. “I’d like to think so.”

“..I forgive you, you know.” Cheri shakes his head. “Honestly, I did a long time ago. What you did was fucked up, don’t get me wrong, and a LOT of people got hurt that shouldn’t have. But.. I dunno.” He shakes his head. “..I can understand your reasoning.” What I learned about him, about his people..

Volo stops, looking over at Cheri with confusion. He forgives me..? Why? It doesn’t make sense to me. What does he have to gain? I don’t know if I should trust this, that might be exactly what he’s aiming for. “Really?” Volo looks up to meet Cheri’s eyes.

Confusion, a hint of fear, and Cheri realizes he should explain. “I wouldn’t ever do the same thing you did, don’t get me wrong. But the world really is full of unnecessary suffering.” Cheri shakes his head. “And.. if I’m right about where you came from, you’ve dealt with a lot of it, right?”

How much does he know about me? And how does he know it? Why does he know it?

Volo doesn’t let his uneasiness show on his face, humming noncommittally. “It doesn’t excuse my actions. I ended up bringing harm to a lot of people.” I don’t deserve forgiveness. “..Thank you, though,” he murmurs.

Cheri studies him for a moment. So, the self loathing is probably from the rift and everything surrounding it, at least partially.. Not sure what the uneasiness is about, but he doesn’t like something about me. It might just be the whole zoroark thing, but it’s been growing, so maybe it’s something I’ve been saying or something? “Don’t mention it.” He looks up, getting to the top of the cliff they’re climbing and offering a hand to pull Volo up, which Volo takes.

They’re about halfway up the mountain now. The air’s growing colder- though Cheri can’t really feel the cold himself, Volo’s pulling his clothes a little tighter around himself.

..conversation topic.. Oh, the plan. “So.. About this Eclipse guy..”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Volo says quickly.

“No, I wasn’t asking what he did, don’t worry.” I don’t want to push him too much, he’s wary. “I just want to know, he’s trying to kill you, right? Do you want him alive, or? If you’re, uh.. taking him out, what’re we doing with him after? What’s the plan?”

“You don’t have to worry about that, he’ll be taken care of either way, and.. alive would be preferred, but if he dies, I.. don’t really care.” Maybe that’s a little harsh.. Well. Maybe I’m allowed to be a little harsh. Volo shakes his head. “However, I would like to be able to capture him and bring him in. I.. have some questions that I want to ask him, with prison bars separating him from me, of course.”

Cheri hums, studying Volo’s expression for a moment, sensing the emotions behind it. Is that.. Pain? Exhaustion?

Concern? ..Overthinking, maybe..?

“..What sorts of questions?”

Volo shakes his head. “..I just.. hm.”

I don’t know how to word this. I want to know why he did it. I want to know why, out of EVERYONE he could have chosen, every timespace criminal he had access to, he chose ME to hurt.

“..I want closure.”

Cheri hums, looking away. “..He might not give you that. Talking to him might make it worse, you know.”

Volo turns to Cheri with a glare, hissing “You know nothing about him, or my situation.”

Cheri’s a little surprised by the sudden anger in the air, though it’s understandable, he doesn’t blame Volo for it. After a moment of thought, trying to figure out what to say, he shrugs. “I might know next to nothing about the situation, but I know trauma when I see it.” He glances over at Volo, letting his eyes flash, a subtle reminder of his abilities. “He hurt you, yeah? On purpose, I’m guessing.”

..Just how much does he know..? And what is he trying to get out of knowing this about me?

He’s right, and it scares me. Does he know because of an ability? Did he look into my fears? Or did he figure it out on his own?

Volo turns away, the silence giving Cheri all the answer he needs.

Shit. It seems like trying to bridge the gap is just making things worse.. Honestly, I should’ve expected this, got too personal too fast.

Well. There’s no point in dropping the conversation at this point. He can try to make me leave, but it’s not gonna work, I need to make sure this Eclipse guy doesn’t fuck with Arceus. And besides..

I’m worried. About Volo, of all people. That’s saying something. “..And he’s trying to kill you even now.. I doubt he’ll give you closure.” Cheri turns away, frowning. “If anything, talking to him might make things worse.” It made it worse when I talked to Keyo’s bio parents, after all. Dickheads will be dickheads, it’ll always hurt to talk to em.

“Perhaps.” Volo shakes his head. My pain shouldn’t matter to you. You can’t actually care, especially not with everything I’ve done to you, so..

It must matter to you because you want me hurt.

“..Let’s talk about something else, shall we?” And if you do somehow care, you shouldn’t get attached to me anyway, you shouldn’t get attached to someone who deserves a bad fate. It’ll only hurt you.

“Hm.” ..yeah. He’s probably done talking now. Cheri looks up the mountain, squinting as the sun hits his eyes. “..Not much further now.”

Volo nods, checking his watch. “The readings said he will appear in the cave that leads to Cloudcap Pass.”

“Alright. So we get to the pass, then go to the cave from there?”

Volo nods. “And then we’ll wait until he arrives.”

“Right.”

They climb in silence until they reach the top, coming out near the destroyed temple. Cheri takes a deep breath, taking in the air.

This place feels as holy as it always did, the presence of the gods closer here than it is anywhere else in the region, and he feels the power of Arceus’s blessing within him shift.

They’re watching.

Volo glances over at the spear pillar, an unreadable expression on his face, and Cheri senses a spike of guilt. Then he turns away from it, wordlessly heading to the cave, a grim determination filling his gut as he lets his Pokémon out.

Cheri lets his own Pokémon out too. He hadn’t been expecting a battle today, but most of his Pokémon are pretty strong anyway, so it should be fine. He’s got Sprigs with him, and Sprigs doesn’t fight, so he was left in his ball. But Cheri has a few with him that do fight, some of the ones that he hasn’t spent much time with recently. Hydra, Eelectra, Zigzag, Tiktok, and Sylvie- his hydreigon, eelektross, linoone, galvantula, and sylveon, respectively- all can fight. And in the worst case scenario, he can fight too.

Recognition. Feeling a pulse of emotional energy towards him, he turns to look at Volo’s Lucario, who’s staring at him with confusion and a little bit of fear. Cheri takes a breath, summoning up feelings of forgiveness, knowing the other Pokémon can read them. After a moment, the Lucario nods, pushing another feeling towards him. Friendliness, a gesture of goodwill. That is SO much better than what I got from his trainer. Cheri smiles, letting the feeling rise in his chest and sending it back, then he looks over at Volo.

Volo looks normal on the outside, but Cheri can tell he’s terrified, can feel the feeling seeping off him even without reaching towards him with his abilities.

“Hey,” Cheri says, resting a hand on Volo’s shoulder.

He nearly pulls away when Volo flinches, but then Volo leans slightly into the kind touch, looking up at him with wide eyes.

He’s touching me. Why is he touching me. I..

Why am I.. not all that scared of it..?

“I’ve got your back. You’re gonna be okay,” Cheri mutters. If you’re gonna die, he’s gotta get through me first.

Volo stares at him for a moment, then nods, his smile becoming a bit more genuine, though there’s sadness in his eyes. Oh. This is genuine kindness?

I should have expected it from Arceus’s chosen.

..I really don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t get attached to me. He opens his mouth to speak, but then his watch starts to blare, an alarm that he quickly moves to silence, expression hardening. “He’s coming,” Volo says, pressing a button on his watch. A hologram pops up, indicating a specific location, and Volo turns it off and takes a step away from there, staring at it, getting low to the ground, ready to dodge at a moment’s notice. Okay. I can do this. All I need is to last long enough to break that bracelet. His Pokémon quickly surround him, protective. Cheri motions for his own to do the same, and they quickly get into battle-ready stances.

The group stands in silence, staring at the spot, waiting with bated breath.

And then a portal opens, and Volo’s garchomp snarls, dashing forward.

“Ah- Shark, wait-!”

But it’s too late. Shark is thrown into the nearest wall, a Mewtwo holding him there. He snarls, kicking at the walls, the ground, trying to escape the psychic grasp, but it’s no use. Should I recall him and let him back out? I don’t know if that would work, don’t know if I could move quickly enough-

“Well, hello there,” someone says.

The voice is unfamiliar to Cheri.

But Volo stiffens even further.

Goosebumps rise on his arms.

Cheri can feel the fear seeping off him as he turns to stare into the portal.

The strange man steps forwards, grinning. “That’s not the friendliest welcome.”

“Eclipse,” Volo mutters, shrinking back. Shrinking back.

What the hell did he do, to make Volo react like that? Cheri looks over to Eclipse, taking in the high-tech bracelets on his arms, the look in his eyes.

He’s immediately hit with the man’s aura as he reaches his powers out, a sense of complete malice washing over him, and his eyes narrow as he braces himself against it, subconsciously baring his teeth.

“I can’t let you near Arceus,” Volo says, taking a step forward despite his fear, his Pokémon moving with him.

Eclipse waves his right hand, and a few more legendaries appear.

Volo stops moving forward. The whole cave is at a standstill.

Cheri notices strange yellow wires around the legendaries’ forms, feels psychic energy coming off of them, and then his eyes narrow as he notices a small yellow bracelet on Eclipse’s wrist. It’s barely noticeable, but it matches the wires. That must be the one.

“You know what I want,” Eclipse says. Volo’s Pokémon growl, protectively moving between the two. “All you need to do is come quietly, and all this can end. You know you deserve what’ll happen to you. It’ll save the world, even; it’ll finally redeem you, to prevent the same thing you did from happening again.”

And his grin widens, the malice surrounding im grows stronger.

“Don’t you want that?”

The manipulation leaves a bad taste in Cheri’s mouth, but he looks over at Volo, waiting to see how the interaction plays out.

“..I..” I do deserve it, but I still have my Pokémon to take care of. I don’t want to leave them behind, but if this doesn’t work, if I attack him and it ends up being for nothing, will he hurt them as retaliation for my actions?

..If I just go with, I won’t have to worry. They will be at least a little safer. The land may be different in this time, but it’s still their home region, and I trust they’ll be able to take care of themselves if needed, but..

“Are you going to return the legendaries to where you got them if I do?”

Volo’s pokemon make sounds of protests, but he holds up a hand to keep them quiet.

“Of course. I only needed them for this, after all.”

Okay. Fuck this. Cheri steps forward suddenly. “He isn’t going anywhere with you,” Cheri spits, moving between the two himself.

“And who are you? His new toy?” Eclipse sneers. “He’ll only betray you, you know; he’s betrayed everyone he’s ever gotten close to. He’ll manipulate you and then throw you aside, like he always has.”

Cheri feels the way Volo shrinks back, feels the guilt pooling off the man, and he snarls. Gods. Why does every powerful man I meet have to be SUCH a DICK? “Shut the fuck up. You think I don’t know the risks? I’m one of the guys he betrayed, and you’re still wrong for treating him like this.”

Eclipse raises an eyebrow, a spark of curiosity in his eye. “Oh really?” He tilts his head to the side. “Haven’t you noticed he’s better now? Haven’t you noticed he’s not going to try anything anymore? That change is because of me. Really, the world is better off with him in my hands-”

Cheri rushes forward. He’s reaching for the bracelet on Eclipse’s wrist, aiming to break it, and the other Pokémon in the cave rush forwards with him.

Within seconds, Mewtwo flings a bunch of their Pokémon out of the cave. Zigzag, Hydra, and Volo’s Spiritomb are frozen in a huge block of ice that Cheri narrowly avoids himself. Galarian Moltres flies past him as he dodges another blast of ice. There’s something glowing electric blue over there, but Cherry doesn’t see what it is before another ice blast blocks his vision.

Cheri can’t see Volo, but he knows Volo has Sylvie and his lucario with him, so he focuses on dodging Regiice’s attacks. With an angry scream, fire blasts from his throat, knocking Regiice out cold. One last blast of ice manages to catch his arm, and Cheri yelps as frostbite sets in-

Volo screams, a sound that reeks of agony, a bloodcurdling sound that makes Cheri’s heart drop, and he turns to Eclipse, letting his true form show, ten feet of pure protective rage aiming for Eclipse’s wrist-

Mesprit. Blast of emotion. Panic.

Frenzy.

Magic rushing in his ears. Time blurring together. Screaming, sounds so far away.

Blood flying through the air. An arm, mangled human arm, on the ground, blood pooling, blood in his mouth, between his teeth, on his hands, broken bracelet, mutilated flesh.

He tries to breathe. Everything sounds underwater, the world spinning, spinning, out of his control.

Out of control.

Out of control.

Out of control, he’s out of control-

Ribbon around his arm. A sense of calm pushes the panic away. He’s left on the ground, gasping, catching his breath, residual shakes leaving him exhausted, shifting back to his human form on instinct.

He looks up after a few moments, looking up at Sylvie, who’s staring at him with wide, terrified eyes.

“h.. Hey, buddy,” Cheri murmurs, gently scratching the top of Sylvie’s head. “You okay?”

Sylvie makes a sound, butting his head against Cheri’s chest before pulling away and dashing around the chunk of ice.

Cheri recalls the Pokémon who are still stuck in the ice, then stands on shaky legs, hurrying after Sylvie- Oh no.

Volo’s on the ground.

Cheri can’t tell if he’s conscious or not.

He rushes to Volo’s side, his uninjured hand hovering over the man, trying to figure out what’s wrong-

“Cheri,” a weak voice, and Cheri looks up at Volo’s face.

Contorted with agony. He reaches out with his magic to see where the pain is, burning blasts through his side. He pulls back.

“Is- is he gone?” Volo asks.

“Yeah, I- I think I got him, I think he’s gone,” Cheri mutters, rolling Volo over despite Volo’s cry of pain.

His shirt’s stained black in a large spot on his side. Cherry pulls it up to see a huge burn. It’s.. odd, though, it’s not a normal burn. The area around is stained black, but it isn’t charred, nothing is charred. It almost looks more like a poison than anything.

Cheri can feel the dark-type energy coming off it, sapping his own energy, and he takes a shaking breath through his mouth, trying to will away the feeling as he scoops Volo up. Volo lets out a pained sound at being moved. “Sorry,” Cheri mutters with a grimace, trying to ignore how hard it is to move his hand, how numb his arm is. Once he’s sure Volo is securely in his arms despite that, he gets Volo’s Spiritomb in its ball, then runs out of the cave.

“‘S fine, deserved,” Volo mutters, eyes slipping shut as he leans into Cheri. Cheri takes Volo’s pokeballs and recalls the injured Pokémon he finds scattered around the outside of the cave. “Can.. can you take care of them for me..?”

It’s all Cheri can do to not scream, shakes running through his entire body. “Shut up. Don’t do this shit, you’re not dying on me.” I came here to protect you, and by Arceus, I’m gonna do it.

Volo laughs, an exhausted, mirthless sound, even as a tear slips down his cheek. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s okay. I deserve this. It’s okay.”

“Shut up!” Shit, I’m being a little harsh. Gods. Fuck. “Sorry, actually, don’t shut up. But stop that. You don’t deserve it.” As he talks, Cheri quickly recalls the rest of their pokemon, then he gets back to running down the mountain, not even bothering going through the caves, he knows where he’s going. He shifts back to his true form so he can jump down cliffs and land it, jumping over tree roots and fallen logs, trying his best not to jostle Volo too much.

Volo’s taking shuddering breaths, silent tears slipping down his cheeks, but he doesn’t complain at all. Self hatred, agony, and a sense of utter hopelessness is coming off of him, all of it is mixed with acceptance.

He genuinely believes he deserves this, Cheri realizes, a sick feeling building in his gut. Fucking hell.

“Why’re you doing this?” Volo murmurs, looking up into Cheri’s eyes. “You can’t seriously want to help me. What’s your motive? ”

“Is it so hard to believe I could genuinely like helping people?” Cheri spits.

He was aware of the way his voice echoes in this form, but Volo flinches at the sound.

And it reminds him that, yes, it is.

He isn’t human, after all. He isn’t even living.

He’s a vengeful spirit.

And sure, he chooses not to indulge that side of himself.

But how is Volo supposed to know that?

“Sorry, sorry,” Volo murmurs, breath hitching slightly as Cheri jumps down a cliff. Blood starts to drip down his side, and Cheri internally curses.

“It’s fine,” Cheri says, setting Volo down and tearing off pieces of his own shirt to start packing the wound and make a quick makeshift bandage. “Talk about something, anything, just.. Just keep talking.”

Volo winces in pain. “..You know the Pokémon that got me? Galarian Moltres?” He looks away, eyes unfocused. “Some say it burns your very spirit away.” He laughs, though the laugh turns into coughs. “I must be very lucky that mine’s still intact, ahaha- Ow!”

“Sorry.” Having tied the makeshift bandage tight, he quickly scoops Volo back up. “What else about galarian Moltres do you know? Any interesting legends? Anything?”

“G-galar was never really my focus,” he mutters, taking a few steadying breaths- they’re shallow, it hurts him to breathe. “I’m just..” He lets out a quiet wheeze, resting his head against Cheri’s shoulder.

There’s exhaustion radiating off him, Cheri realizes, and Cheri gets running again.

“Don’t go to sleep, I don’t know what happens if you do,” he mutters.

“Mmh..” Volo shakes his head. “Trying..”

“Good. Keep talking.” Cheri takes a shaky breath. “What about normal Moltres? Any cool legends?”

“..they’ll dive into volcanoes to heal themselves,” Volo mumbles. “And they.. bring an early spring, to cold places..” His eyes slip closed.

Cheri nods. “You know the Indigo League Flame is said to have been lit with their flames?”

“Oh yeah.. I.. I remember that.. s.. Sorry, I can’t..” Volo goes limp in his arms.

“Hey, Volo, keep talking! Volo!!” Not sensing anything from the guy at all, Cheri grimaces. “SHIT!!!” Cheri moves faster, shifting back as they get to the bottom of the mountain, not wanting to be seen by anyone who doesn’t already know in any form outside of a human one.

shit shit Shit SHIT SHIT!!! Cheri bursts out of the trees, running into Eterna City, dodging around people as he heads to the nearest hospital.

He rushes into the emergency room. “We need a doctor, now!” It comes out louder than he meant it, almost echoing, though for some reason, it’s hard to hear himself anyway.

Everything feels so far away as the emergency room suddenly turns into a rush, a stretcher coming out to take Volo away. People ask what happened, and he explains as best as he can, telling them Volo got hit with a powerful dark-type attack that sapped his energy, leaving out the legendaries and the reason for the blood staining his hands and teeth.

He.. doesn’t entirely know why that’s there. He has a faint idea, but he blocks that out on purpose.

He can process that later, he can process that he probably killed a man another day.

The doctors are concerned about it, though, so he tells them it’s from the one who attacked the two of them, and they accept that answer, bringing him back soon after for his frostbitten arm.

Time seems to stretch to forever as his injury is treated, but when he’s finally left alone, allowed to leave, it feels like no time’s passed at all. He leaves the hospital, heading straight for the Pokémon center to drop off his and Volo’s Pokémon.

Relax. Just breathe, Cheri. Just relax.

Breathe.

He takes deep breaths as he walks, wrapping his arms around himself and closing his eyes, sensing people’s feelings to determine where they are so he can avoid them.

Thankfully, he makes it to the Pokémon center without an issue, setting down the pokeballs on the nurse’s desk.

“Those six are unregistered, he- he made their balls himself,” he explains, trying to ignore the shake in his voice.

The nurse scans the pokeballs. “They look registered to me..”

Sure enough, they are registered, under a Volo Discere.

“Huh.. interesting,” Cheri mutters. Did he always have a last name? I know Volo means to want. What’s Discere..? “Okay, nevermind, then. Um- I’ve gotta go, he’s hurt. Can you take care of them while I’m gone?”

“Of course, but- Wait-!” She looks up in worry as he leaves, but he doesn’t have time to chat, making his way back to the hospital.

I need to see if he’s okay.

He heads to the nearest waiting room. Someone passes by in the hall, he recognizes her as the nurse who treated him.

“Hey!” He rushes over, catching her attention. “Volo, uh, Discere- is he okay?”

“Huh? Are.. you asking about the one you came in with?” She gives a weirdly strained smile. “They’re still fixing him up, but it’s looking like he’ll pull through.”

“Okay.. okay.” Cheri lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

She nods, rushing off, and he finally lets himself relax.

Okay.

Okay, we’re okay.

Not sure what she was freaking out about, but it should be fine..

..they’ll come to me if anything happens with him, right..? I’m probably not on his emergency contacts- he probably doesn’t have those, actually- but I AM the one who brought him here..

WOULD he have emergency contacts?? His Pokémon are registered, so maybe???

Cheri sighs, sitting in one of the chairs, leaning back with his hands clasped together behind his head. He lets his eyes slip closed, taking a few deep breaths.

Whatever the case, if he needs me, if he asks for me, I’ll be here.

After a few moments, the exhaustion of the day catches up to him.

And finally, he slips into sleep, all his day’s plans forgotten.

[unofficialsherlockian]

(tis Bougie on anon! Hi!)

W, X, Y and N for the fanfic meme?

Thanks for the ask! I love talking about fanfic :’) (fanfic meme)

W. Favorite pairing to read is definitely Sherlock Holmes x John Watson in most any capacity (save for the platonic Elementary, unless friendships can count in a pairing, then Joan and Sherlock is up there!). Top of that is the og Doyle universe ofc. I’ll slurp up some KakaGai any day too (Kakashi x Gai from Naruto is basically canon anyways).

To write is tricky. I want to write Holmes x Watson but I haven’t found my footing yet. I think my favorite to write so far with confidence has been Linus Baker x Arthur Parnassus (idk if there is a ship name!) of TJ Klune’s The House in the Cerulean Sea. I felt so connected to those characters in a real unique way and writing them feels like second nature. Their voices are always in my head.

X. Im somewhere between a voracious fic reader and a careful one. Smaller fandoms tend to be voracious- I go through the tag picking stuff that sounds good to read and once I finish that, I double back and clear the whole tag out. Larger fandoms I’m very selective (stuff like Sherlock Holmes and HP have me going through with a fine-toothed comb).

Y. Personal satisfaction vs popularity - I kind of have to focus on personal satisfaction as a small time fic writer. I also have a long running background as a writer who has done a lot of original work but hasn’t published yet, so I’m always doing what feels great to me, even if it’s not what other people read.

I’m definitely not most satisfied by my most popular stories - Year one of the Slytherin Harry AU (HP and the Stone of the Immortal) has the most hits of anything rn but I think as I’ve worked on that series, I’ve gotten better and had more fun with it (I’m grateful so many people have taken a look and enjoyed that first part. I really loved writing it; it was a fun start to what’s turning out to be a crazy complicated character driven AU/rewrite. The love for that one is also pushing me to work on it more because damn I wanna eventually finish my queer Slytherin HP).

Second most hits are on Just Transport (BBC’s Sherlock told through the lens of FTM Sherlock). I’m proud of that one because of the response it got-several people said how much it meant to them. But it’s also something written by a very young guy and it shows on how I tackled certain things. I did some trans Sherlock Holmes fic since that I’m definitely more satisfied with (Pieces that Fit with Elementary’s Sherlock FTM)

Those two most popular by hits are second and third to Soulmates in Kudos and I would honestly never think about soulmates again if not for the face that many people still like it (for some reason lol). Emergancy Lighting follows that up, though and that’s one of my most favorite that I’ve ever posted, followed by a couple most recent ones, so I’m hoping as I grow as a writer, maybe it will show in the “popularity” of fics as well.

But honestly, personal satisfaction aside, I’d be happy to only have a handful of readers if they all expressed that my writing meant something to them. That kind of connection is what’s really the best with any story.

[practically-an-x-man]

Get to know your fic writer asks! God there are SO many good questions in this one, forgive me for the large stack:

1, 4, 11, 19, 20, 26, 33, 35, 45, 51, 55, 69, 72, 77 [Catch and Release]

<3

oooooh my friend this is a FEAST of prompts you are sharing with me!! so excited to dive into this!!

(fair warning, this is... gonna be a long one)

<3

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Multi-chaptered! Partially because I have too many ideas for my own good, but mainly because the context of a character's relationship feels very important to me and I find it hard to capture that properly in just a oneshot. Even the oneshots I have written, at least so far, all connect in some way to a larger established storyline instead of being truly standalone.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Reading (I do a lot of that), followed by periods of in-between where I can just let my brain marinate. For example, I just reread the first three Fablehaven books while on this band trip, and combined with entirely too much time spent staring out the window of a bus as we got from place to place, I already have an OC and a storyline cooked up for it.

If I need a smaller-dose burst of inspiration, like to get past the writer's block for a particular chapter, I'll go take my dogs for a nice long walk and let my mind wander for a bit.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

This is admittedly a cop-out, but I have to skip this one for now. I haven't been at my computer in well over a week thanks to this trip, and most of the fics I've been reading lately have been from friends anyway (y'all are amazing writers and your fics were the first in my mind when I read this, but I want to stay neutral about this). Plus I've been up for over a full 24 hours at this point and I really don't have the energy for this question lol

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Fluff and Angst are tied, which is not a surprise in the slightest. I'm also not great at tagging stuff, so it all gets a little repetitive

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Music is definitely my biggest tie-in, it's everywhere. Fics/chapters titled after songs, music present in the fic, notable lyrics, you name it. Music is a huge part of my life, and it weaves into my writing almost everywhere I go.

Aside from that, I feel like there's a lot of queer and neurodivergency themes in my writing, for the same reason as the music: it's a big part of my life and my worldview, and that bleeds into my writing both intentionally and unintentionally.

Symbolism-wise, I think I work with mythology a lot, as well as themes of birds and flight.

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Hm... that's a tough one. They're all pretty wild in their own way.

I'm inclined to say A Love Once New, just because that one's so long that a lot is contained within it, but it also follows a pretty standard X-Men type formula once you look past the length itself.

I think it's a tie between Smoke and Mirrors and Nom De Guerre, though. Those have some of my most dynamic characters, the most intense and unpredictable villains, a few good twists, and I don't rely on the plots of an established movie (Catch and Release is a good wild ride too, but a lot of that is just No Way Home itself coming into play). I think Desert Song will be pretty wild too, but we're too early into that one for me to reveal my secrets just yet ;)

33. Do you want to be published some day?

Yes! I actually started writing fanfic as a way to hone my skills in writing, with the eventual goal of having something published. I don't intend for writing to be my primary career, but there are definitely a couple ideas that I want to get out there, and I want to write them my way.

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain? 

Show their humanity. Give the audience something to relate to. Show the audience a character of unfathomable darkness and they can't relate, at best you just spark a mild intrigue in the angst. But maybe that character does it all to save their younger sister - and you've struck empathy with every older sibling reading. Maybe that character has a favorite pastime, a childhood hobby, a pet, a personal quirk - and you've reached everyone in the audience who has that same quirk.

And once you've tapped into those points of connection, that's when you can play with something deeper than intrigue. It doesn't matter how much magic or power you give your supervillains; if the audience could encounter the same person, or better yet, become the same person through some twist of fate, that's a good villain.

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

Both. Sometimes at the same time (or at least I try).

51. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,087,068. I write a lot...

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Ooh, tough one. I think of the canon characters, the Corinthian is my favorite to write. I love writing characters who are charming, and he fits that down to a tee. Plus, it's fun to explore his sense of morality (or lack thereof), since most of the other characters I write for trend towards the morally good. Billy/Four is a lot of fun too, namely in Desert Song - I can't quite articulate why, he's just a lot of fun to write.

Of my OCs, that's a little tougher. There's something unique that I love to write for each of them: Quinn's allegories on gender and disability, Jasper's empathic sense, Rae's bordering-on-foolhardy sense of justice, Katherine's link to mythology, I could keep going. That's partly how I keep myself motivated, really - I explore something new and different with each of them, and it's hard to choose one favorite.

I will say, though, writing Ophelia is a lot of fun. A lot of my characters are fairly spunky, since I like a good strong character to command the narrative, but Ophelia has something unique that makes her spunk a little different from the others. She genuinely doesn't care how she's perceived by others, and it results in some very fun, very daring interactions.

69. What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

I mean... Behind the Scenes. AKA, the first fic I ever wrote and posted. I thought it was rough even then, which is why it went abandoned at 7 chapters, but I'm even more embarrassed about it now that I've grown as a writer. I don't look back at it often, but whenever I do, I'm just reminded of how wholeheartedly rough it is compared to what I write now. I really should delete it or orphan it or something, but I don't want to get rid of it until I've started a rewrite for it. Which might mean I never get rid of it. But embarrassing or not, I don't just want it to be gone - it's not my job to determine peoples' personal preferences, what if there's someone who actually likes it?

Don't read it. But it's there for the people who have read it, just in case.

72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Front to back, because I don't write the full thing before I post (I write it by-chapter and rotate my updates). Also, if I wrote my favorite scenes first, I'd probably end up with about as much writing as I have now... but it would go absolutely nowhere. Writing the gradual build, while it does get tedious at times, definitely helps me pull together a clean and unified final product.

77. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Catch and Release] story/chapter? 

I was really happy with some of the flashback sequences. Originally there were only supposed to be a few, to help guide Ophelia into her place in the story, but they went over really well and I just kept having ideas, so I kept it going.

I think my favorite is the one in Chapter 10, where Harry meets Olly under the bleachers shortly after her parents died. I feel like it really showed a lot of both Harry and Olly's character, and the darkness that had begun to spread in them even as they tried to offer each other support. There also was a good bit of foreshadowing of Harry as the New Goblin in that chapter, which I put a lot of thought into.

[a-dragons-explanations]

I... do not understand what the two have to do with each other?

Like, first off, otherkin of color definitely exist, which kind of moots this whole thing, but for the sake of discussion let's set that aside for a moment. What do the two have to do with each other? Or, if I may be blunt in turn, why are you seemingly implying that white people... can't/aren't allowed to have complex identities in other aspects of their self?

(Snagging your tags for clarity, since I'm gonna address them too:)

(Bolding from hereonout is primarily for readability because I tend to write in big block paragraphs, not because I'm yelling or anything lol. Also this is my second attempt at writing this, because Tumblr ATE THE FIRST VERSION because I hit Ctrl+Z at the wrong time, so forgive me if I miss something stupid because I remember writing it but it was in the version that got eaten lmao.)

I don't... see how these things follow through. How does "white people don't experience gender complexities due to racialized identity" follow through to "white people can't experience gender complexities at all"? Or more to the point, how does "white people don't experience racialized identity" follow through to "white people can't experience complex or "weird" identities at all", or "white people are less capable of understanding ("hav[ing] any grip on") their identity than POC are"?

(And, to be clear - I genuinely do want to know; I'm not asking rhetorical questions here. If I use a question mark in this post chances are it's because I'm curious what your answer is, if you're willing to share.)

Because the way it reads, and I don't know if this is how you intended it, is "if you were more oppressed/oppressed in a different way you wouldn't be doing this," which in turn reads as "you're doing this for attention and/or to make yourself seem/feel more oppressed," which is... pretty rude, to say the least. (And also rhetoric that's been leveled at any number of marginalized groups for not being "oppressed enough," if I'm honest.)

And like - to explain my own viewpoint and where I'm coming from here: generally speaking, I'm of the opinion that telling people they're lying/faking and/or wrong about their own identities is wrong, full stop. It's not possible to know someone's internal subjective experiences better than they do - there's nothing objectively measurable; I can't prove that I experience draconity any more than you can prove that I don't. Therefore, while I suppose it's your prerogative to decide whether you believe someone about their self-reported experiences or not, I find that once you decide to "no you don't" someone about their own identity - therefore saying either "you're lying/faking" and/or "you're wrong (and I know your identity/experiences better than you do)" - it kind of just... ends the conversation. There's nothing but a "yes I do" "no you don't" anymore, because there's no way to prove it either way. All you're (general "you", not you specifically) doing, at that point, is insisting you know someone else's identity better than they themself do.

I don't see how any of that changes based on someone's race. (Barring maybe some very specific circumstances where someone is claiming to understand a very specific racially-tied identity when they're not of that race, which is kind of a special case and not what we're talking about here.)

To address other specific words you used here, I suppose, and I apologize for how long this is getting (I tend to value clarity over conciseness):

On whether otherkinity is harmful: I've been awakened as dragonkin for close to five years now, active in the community that entire time, and make a habit of interacting and debating with antikin for mental enrichment whenever they pop up; I've seen no evidence that being otherkin is any more inherently harmful than, say, being trans is. The only thing that comes close is species dysphoria (which not all otherkin experience anyway), which, as with gender dysphoria, you don't "treat" that by trying to deny your identity, and that often in fact makes things significantly worse. So, I suppose, what harm are you worried about otherkinity causing?

On "delusional": I'm admittedly not the best person to talk about this, but the short version is, a) even if someone's species identity is linked to delusions, that doesn't make it inherently harmful or wrong, and b) otherkinity generally doesn't fit the criteria for a delusion anyway. Using "delusional" this way kind of... just comes off as using it as an insult, which, as politely as possible, comes off pretty ableist, although again, I don't know if that was your intent. (More on that from someone with schizophrenia here.)

On "appropriative": Appropriative of... what, exactly, I suppose? (The most common accusation is that otherkinity is somehow appropriative of Native American spirit animals, but the two are vastly different practices, and otherkinity has never claimed to be the same as or even related to spirit animals, so I'm not sure where that came from.) What are you worried otherkinity might be appropriating from?

Regarding the point on xenogenders, I do want to gently question the fact that you're specifically calling out "white transmascs," which is both misgendering many of the people you're talking about (many of whom don't identify as transmasc) and specifically calling out AFAB people for some reason, as if AMAB people never have xenogenders. I don't... know how to put this gently, so forgive me if I'm a little blunt here, but that's kind of falling into the very common internalized-misogyny trap of acting as though AFAB people aren't as capable of figuring out their own identity (ie "don't have any grip on what gender is actually like") for some reason. I might be reading into that one a bit too far, but it's odd to me to specifically call out transmascs here for seemingly no reason, so I thought I would point it out if it's not something you've consciously thought about. If that was the intended implication, why do you think that? If it wasn't, why did you call out transmascs specifically?

(And, again - genuine questions; I'm not trying to be a bitch or asking rhetorical questions here. I just... don't understand and am curious to, while also explaining my own viewpoint. Sorry I'm such a wordy creature and this kind of turned into a text wall ^^;)

I’m just gonna be really blunt here which will make me look like I’m asking out of bad faith but oh well

I’m wondering if being otherkin really is okay and valid? Because I’ve only seen white people be otherkin and it makes me wonder if otherkin/therianthropy is actually valid and harmless, or if it’s some delusional appropriative “I’m only doing this because my identity isn’t racialized” white person shit?? Do you get what I mean??

[tsukishumai]

pairing: tsukishima kei x f!reader wc; 2.2k tags; fluff, coworkers to lovers? a/n: quick fic for my bby lol happy birthday tsukki <33

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Tsukishima Kei was tired.

Stepping out into the cold, autumn evening, he rubs his hands together in an attempt to warm his frozen fingers. He thinks the blister he feels forming on his pinky toe was a sign for him to get a new pair of shoes, and this fact was solidified by the ache in his arch with each step he took towards the bus stop.

The day had been longer than most. Maybe if he hadn’t let his brother drag him to the gym and play pick-up games last night, then perhaps his body wouldn’t have felt so sore this morning. And if his body hadn’t been so sore in the morning, then he might have had the energy to grab coffee before work, possibly even pack himself a quick lunch. His mood would have presumably been at least mildly better throughout the day, and he had no doubt that he would have been able to continue on with his work swiftly, and efficiently.

But Tsukishima had learned at a young age that things don’t always work out for him the way he wants them to.

He wasn’t trying to be rude when you came to ask him about his tour schedule, but did you have to burst through his office door so loudly? He felt bad for 2.3 seconds as he watched your smile slowly melt into a frown, but he was way too irked when you rolled your eyes at him when he asked you to knock.

And it wasn’t his fault that he bought the last tuna onigiri from the food stand outside the museum. He forgot to pack lunch, and he was hungry, too. He probably shouldn’t have unwrapped and eaten it right in front of your face, but he doesn’t appreciate getting dirty looks for ordering a meal.

You’re newer to the museum, he knows that. As someone with seniority, he should be a little more helpful, and he could probably work on improving his sociability just a tiny bit, but his patience could only run so thin. It’s not like you ever listened to him anyway.

Should he have told you to figure out the volunteer’s schedule on your own because ‘even a monkey with a banana could do it on their own’? Okay, maybe not.

But did you have to snap at him to ‘keep the stick up his own ass and leave yours alone’ when he warned your tours took too long, and you’d end up leaving late? No, and that’s the last time Tsukishima will ever try to offer advice to a newbie.

Tsukishima sighed. He was tired.

His stomach growled out loud as he pressed the button for the crosswalk, slowly moving to rub his palm along his belly. He’s wondering if he has anything he could make at his apartment. When an image of a rotting bunch of scallions and moldy tomatoes dying in his refrigerator drawer comes to mind, he thinks he’s probably better off grabbing a bento from the convenience store down the street.

The light switches from red to green, and just before Tsukishima steps down from the curb, he feels an arm delicately wrap around his own.

“Hey, babe,” a familiar, annoyingly cheery voice greets him, and he has to stop himself from grimacing when he looks down and his eyes meet yours.

Tsukishima doesn’t think you’ve ever touched him once — not in the last six months since you’ve become his coworker. He had bowed when you were first introduced, and Tsukishima had never been one to hand out hugs or high fives.

He attributes the deep blush that spread across his cheeks to this fact, and not to the feeling of your chest pressed tightly against his side.

“What the —“

“You almost left without me,” you pouted, and Tsukishima nearly tripped over his feet when you swing your body around to switch positions with him, “You’re so silly!”

“Uh,” Tsukishima stammers at the situation at hand, but he stills when he feels your grip tighten painfully around his bicep, and your eyes narrow and widen.

From behind your shoulder, Tsukishima sees it.

The streets were not too crowded, but they weren’t empty. From both sides of the sidewalk, Tsukishima watched as people silently walked past each other in a valiant effort to get home.

This was why Tsukishima almost didn’t notice the man standing beside the lamp post just fifteen feet back, his face half covered by a mask, hoodie pulled all the way over his head with the bill of a black hat just peeking out.

Tsukishima’s blood ran cold when he realized the man is watching you clutch onto him, and Tsukishima does not react when he can feel your nails dig through the material of his sweater.

A look of panic briefly flashes in your eyes when Tsukishima places his hand on top of yours and gently pulls your grip off his sleeve.

“You’re going to ruin my sweater,” Tsukishima mumbles as he drags his hand down the length of your arm and intertwines his fingers with yours. Your mouth drops open in shock when he gives your hand a tight squeeze, “Sweetie.”

He doesn’t wait for you to regain your composure before he drags you across the street. As soon as Tsukishima’s foot lands on the other curb, he glances back at the direction from which you came.

The capped-man was now slowly walking forward, reaching the crosswalk just as the light turned red once more.

Tsukishima quickened his pace down the silent sidewalk, globes of orange light shining down each lamp post you walked past. You said nothing of the sweat that accumulated between both of your nervous palms, still gripping onto Tsukishima’s hand tightly. The size of it nearly engulfs your own, and your hold on him was the only thing allowing you to somewhat keep up with the pace of his strides.

“My bus stop is right over there,” you mumble quietly, and Tsukishima silently thanked the gods you were going the same direction.

He could feel your fingers trembling against his, and Tsukishima gives you a light squeeze.

He wasn’t sure what to do. He was never one to comfort another, and he had never really been in a situation before. But something akin to an ember of rage had been stoked within him as soon as he saw some strange man’s greedy little eyes stuck on you.

The bus arrived just five minutes later, and Tsukishima stayed close behind as you climbed inside. You were lucky enough to find two vacant seats, and you slid into the one beside the window. Tsukishima occupies the aisle seat, stretching his legs out slightly as he watches the stream of people entering and leaving the bus.

It was after an old woman carrying groceries clambered into a seat behind the bus driver did Tsukishima notice him.

He sat by the very front while the two of you occupied seats in the back. A pair of sunglasses now completely masked all of his features, but Tsukishima didn’t need to see his eyes to know who they were trained on.

When you look up at him, dazed and slightly terrified, he gives you a tight-lipped smile. He lets go of your hand, and his heart breaks a little when he sees your eyes dart around in panic. Wordlessly, he reaches over and wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you close into his side.

You had always been so hot-headed — loud, and passionate, and animated about everything that you do. Tsukishima had known you were trouble from the moment you rearranged one of his displays without even thinking about consulting him, and you had honestly been a headache ever since. You challenged him at every turn, corrected him when he didn’t ask for it, and it was obvious to Tsukishima that you were much too big for him to handle.

But at the moment, feeling so small as you trembled tucked beneath his arm, Tsukishima could only think that he never wanted to see you like this ever again.

His heart crumbles a little when you rest your head against his shoulder.

“So,” Tsukishima’s voice vibrated against your cheek, “The tours ran a bit too long today, didn’t they?”

Tsukishima bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing when you turn your head to face him, an incredulous expression decorating your features.

“Is now really an appropriate time for an ‘I told you so’,” You hissed, “You never miss a chance, do you?”

Now, a smug smile has fully settled onto his lips, “Never have, never will.”

You land a punch on Tsukishima’s wide open ribs, and he flinches to the side with a slight ‘oof’. But he tightens his arm around you even more. Swirls of pine and citrus began to calm your nerves, and it took you too long to realize you were inhaling Tsukishima’s cologne. He smelled as clean as he looked, and even after a full day of work, not a single hair of his was out of place.

Your stop was four after Tsukishima’s. He carried your bag from your shoulders as you climbed out of your seat. He stepped aside to allow you to lead the way, but Tsukishima’s chest was nearly pressed against your back with how closely he followed behind.

You hadn’t expected Tsukishima to follow you this far, and as you walked a few steps towards the direction of your apartment, you turned to thank Tsukishima for his aid.

You whip your head side to side when you find that he was no longer walking behind you, curious to see that he was waiting two feet away from the bus’ exit.

You briefly wondered what he was waiting for, and your heart shattered down to the ground when you see the familiar stranger that had been following you since you exited your office building slowly step out.

You didn’t even notice him climb onto the bus. Had he really been there the entire time? Oh god, was he planning to follow you all the way home? Your head begins to spin at the dangerous possibilities that could have unfolded.

“Are you lost?” Tsukishima’s voice was cold and stern, and you could hear it clearly from where you stood.

You watched as the hooded man jolted, clearly shocked at the question directed to him. His face still remained perfectly hidden, but you could tell from his body language that he was not expecting to be addressed.

Tsukishima towered over him, but his six foot five stature had towered nearly everyone. The eyes behind his dark-rimmed glasses were narrowed in a glare, and Tsukishima stayed planted in front of your intruder.

“Oh — uh, i— no, just —“

“It’s that way,” Tsukishima didn’t wait for the man to finish his stammering, pointing a long finger towards the opposite direction of your home.

The man didn’t need to be told twice. He twirled on his heels, looking over his shoulders only to see Tsukishima watch as he walked away into the night.

You were frozen, mouth hung so wide open, you were pretty sure bugs had flown in. Tsukishima makes his way back to you, stopping to wrap his arms around your shoulders once again. He tilts his head down at you, looking softly as he asks, “Which way?”

You were at a loss for words, choosing instead to simply lead the way. Tsukishima remained draped over you, like a blanket of protection warding off all evil.

The silence that engulfed the two of you felt comfortable, and on any other day, you might have been appalled to be in such close contact with Tsukishima Kei.

But today, you felt safe. You felt comfort, and relief, and you relax against him, perfectly protected under Tsukishima’s wing.

You sneak a glance up at him, biting your lip as you turn the words you want to say over in your head.

“Tsukishima,” you start, chewing on your lips, “Thank yo—“

“My last tour is usually at 4:45,” he interrupts you, squeezing his hand on your shoulder, “I try to catch up on some paperwork before leaving but…”

He trails off, and you stay silent in fear of ruining what he’s trying to tell you.

He shifts his head away from you as he says, “If you wait for me, I could walk you home.”

You stop in your tracks, looking up at him with a smile. Tsukishima pointedly avoids your gaze, but it’s difficult when he’s keeping you pinned beside him.

“I’d like that,” you mumble before pointing back at the apartment building he hadn’t noticed, “This is my place.”

Tsukishima finally deigns to let you go, stepping back and brushing his fingers through his hair.

“Shorten your tours,” he grumbles out, turning his body back the direction from where he came, “And don’t forget to itemize each piece that comes in for the Date Masumane exhibit tomorrow.”

You stare at him dumbfounded before bursting out in giggles, bringing your hand up in a mock salute.

“I owe you one,” you call out, watching him retreat back from where he came.

He waves you off.

“I like black coffee,” he calls back over his shoulder, “Do what you will with that information.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

rbs v appreciated <33

[oodlyenough]

anyway here's some power of the doctor thoughts from someone who phased in and out of thirteen's era very casually and only saw like a cumulative 10 episodes of it, maybe

honestly i enjoyed it more-or-less/more than i expected, lol, maybe because i had no particular expectations riding on it i just wanted to see what would happen. i don't think it was the tightest or most coherent script but no showrunner's finale ever has been LMAO so... it is what it is.

the master's entire plan seemed overly convoluted and i don't entirely follow why we had half the plot elements we had, but i'm also always willing to accept the master doing fuckshit for reasons that don't really go beyond wanting to ruin the doctor's day and get their attention. so like. sure. i can roll w that lmfao. the daleks and cyberman stuff seemed totally superfluous too but... whatever idc

dhawan's master isn't my fave master but he's enjoyable to watch, imo. the most bonkers one of the 3 modern i think? which considering the competition is a high bar, lol.

i think a bigger crit, for me, of 13-era master is more on jodie's end, where i don't get as much conflict and whatnot from her, which in turn makes it a less interesting dynamic than the other modern master+doctor combos. the push-pull mutual obsession is what makes them fun! i don't believe 13 would cradle his body sobbing and begging him to regenerate after he tortured her for a year, so really, what's the point

it was nice seeing ace and tegan. i think i maybe once saw a serial with each but it was so long ago, so i won't pretend any kind of authority in terms of how they were written. but i liked having them around lol

i think it was a bit of an odd choice to have dhawan 'take over' the doctor's body or ...whatever... in jodie's very last episode. it would've been a better showcase for jodie whittaker, and accomplished the same basic plan, if somehow HE regenerated into HER, and jodie got to play both the doctor and the master. ah well, because...

i really liked the old doctor cameos! I was not spoiled for it at all and i thought it was very sweet, especially giving five+tegan and seven+ace their moments together.i'm sure the actors appreciated a chance to be together too. just nice :) and i love my man eight lmao... king

also the mishmash outfit of all the past doctor outfits was cute

i thought the "tag you're it" line was a cute ending line! (although it would've been better if she regenerated into ncuti ...lol. i'm sure it was written and acted long before they settled on the 60th plans so i guess it can't be helped.)

the big downside to me was: yaz and thasmin

thasmin isn't a ship i'm invested in personally but i did start watching again after they canonized yaz's feelings in EOTD because i was like oh, how far will the show go with this? and the answer is apparently "nowhere". LOTSD felt totally unresolved and then we just never brought it up again. i can live without a kiss or a happily ever after, but when you've spent nearly a year patting yourselves on the back for a queer doctor/companion relationship, only to not do the barest minimum to address it, that's fucked up. why canonize your accidental-by-admission subtext if you're not going to DO ANYTHING? sorry to the shippers who really got jerked around by this show for no reason.

and then, even setting aside that irritation, the most egregious thing of all...

yaz's exit. just absolutely flabbergasted they did yaz/mandip so dirty that they didn't even TRY to come up with and articulate a reason for her to leave. ludicrous!!! she spends her whole time swallowing her feelings for the doctor's comfort and that extends all the way to leaving because the doctor kicked her out with nary a hug? what the fuck? one of the longest running companions ever and this is the sendoff she gets, kicked out because the doctor decides, sans explanation, she "needs to be alone" to regenerate despite having regenerated with many companions prior? lmao... yaz sweetie i'm so sorry. she doesn't even get to give the speech to the companion support group. my god. martha jones you need to call her up immediately

[tealenko]

mShenko appreciation post...

So... I usually (ejem... better said always, if I'm being honest XD) choose femShep in Mass Effect.

Long story short, I like to play characters in my own gender... Kinda helps a lot with the immersion, despite the fact that I look nothing like my main Shep. And, in the wise words of my brother: "If I'm gonna have to stare at an ass for hours of gameplay, I prefer it to be a woman's ass" (Nothing against men ass' on my part though... I mean, I'm a Kaidan stan 😳😳😳 but I'm week when it comes to females curves ehehehehehe sue me XD)

Anyways... Butt thing aside, I always play femShep. And the same femShep, Mio Shepard. Because I got the fanfic writer disease back when I was like 13 years old and I haven't found the cure yet, so... All I play, write and draw (because I didn't have enough obsessions already lol) related to the main ME trilogy is about my main shep and Kaidan.

I swear I'm about to make my point, stay with me for a little longer XD

Thing is, with the launch of MELE, I decided to see the mShenko romance for the first time (yep, first time... I imagine you can already tell, but I'm that kind of person that once she likes a game, she plays it a 1000 times but always in the exact same way and making the same choices in every single run).

So here we are, a year later, and here's the post about it 😅😅😅

As I told you before, I tend to focus on fShenko. I love the Shenko fandom as a whole, but from what I've seen and from the people I follow, fShenko is in need of more help, support and content than mShenko (I may be wrong here... but the moment your femshep likes dudes people tends to scream at you why you shouldn't be with Kaidan and my mission in life is to always be there to reply that idgaf about how many aliens they think I should bang XD)

Said all that, mShenko.

It's fucking awesome.

Period.

Like... Truly amazing.

Mesmerizing.

(sorry... I had to XD)

I may be biased here, because Kaidan's arc with his sexuality is very similar to my own, but, the whole "At the end of the day, I'd love you no matter what gender you were" is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

I was also very surprised by the amount of differences there were between both romances... Both of them top tier. And, against all my expectations, I can comfortably say that they are equally good. So if you love Kaidan and you've only seen one side, I really recommend you to check the other (learn from my mistakes ehehehehe although I think I've enjoyed mShenko 10 times more than I would have before making a few discoveries about myself... so I'm kinda happy it took me so long. Now it feels more special to me <;3)

fShenko has all the young, pure~ish, forbidden, cute and heart-racing vibes in ME1 *chef's kiss* and then (after a bit of angst) you have the mature, long-lasting, I'd die for you romance that we all deserve.

mShenko, on the other hand, is more Kaidan focused in my opinion, which I truly like, and his realization of what is love (🎵) and what Shepard really means for him, which I find extremely cute and beautiful.

And I'll admit, I'm the first to complain about Bioware (perks of being a forever resident of the shenko vortex) but I have to congratulate them on the way they wrote mShenko in ME3.

I really thought it would be ultra cringy and forced, because that kind of evolution is not the easiest to write, but I was sooooooo wrong and I'm sooooooo glad that I was. So yay~ to Bioware on this one!

So, yup... I wanted to do a quick post and here we are now, an hour later ehehehehehe 😅😅

Anyways, and to wrap this up, just sharing an opinion (or ten) here... I was just thinking about it today and I felt like writing a post about it (there's always room for more Kaidan appreciation posts <3).

If you ever wanna talk with me about our beautiful canadian marshmallow pm me, tag me, etc. If you respectfully disagree, feel free to tell me how you feel about all of this in a comment. And if you disrespectfully disagree (I don't think that's a term that exists but I'm gonna use it anyways XD) feel free to ignore me and go on with your life, it's not that difficult.

That's all, I think...

Hope you have a lovely day/night.

Imma go to bed and read some fanfics before I fall asleep.

bye bye!!

~~tea

[honeytae]

I love when you talk nurturing to me.

hello my loves, happy wednesday! welcome back to regular uploads (rip thirst week lol) and you know what that means...mega fluff. this particular piece was requested by a few different people, but it was all the same general idea: DOTING. ON. JUNGKOOK. which is just...such a dream, right? anyways, i hope you all enjoy this. thanks to my requesters who have waited SO patiently for this to be written, i hope it was worth it!!!

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy, @the1921-monsters genre: fluff warnings: jungkook’s tired and kind of overworking himself :( oc takes care of him though bc duh word count: 2.6k

Jungkook hated his boots. 

Well, not all the time. Most of the time, Jungkook loved his boots. 

But right at this moment, he hated how heavy they were, weighing him down further than his already sore muscles as he trudged up the stairs to your numbered doorway. 

Huffs escaped him every other step as he gripped the railing for support, letting his head roll to the side with a close of his eyes once he’d successfully made it through the fire and ache that was his muscles right now. 

After fiddling with your stubborn lock and door handle, he sighed in relief as he entered your place, pouting a bit as he heard you clanging pots and pans in the kitchen. Glancing at his phone, he supposed it was dinner time. But he wanted nothing to do with food and everything to do with you. 

Kicking off his shoes, he slid his phone back into his pocket, rolling his shoulders back as well as his neck. The burn eased only slightly from the action. This was worse than he’d felt in a while. 

The pout stayed on his lips as he shuffled into the kitchen, pausing in the doorway for a second to watch as you stirred something over the stovetop, shifting your face over the open pot every once in a while to make sure you were doing it right. 

The action made him feel slightly less tired and all the more fond, a gentle greeting smile from you brightening his attitude almost completely before he tried to take another step toward you, calf tightening into a painful cramp as he hissed in a breath through his teeth. 

You immediately frowned in concern, taking the initiative to walk the one step to close the gap between you, wrapping your arms around him and letting out an ‘oof’ as he rested his body weight on you. 

“Hi.” Jungkook mumbled through his pout, hair hanging into his eyes and blocking his full expression from your view. 

Even without seeing the man, you could tell he wasn’t in his regular mood, heavy on his feet with nothing left to give. It irked you, seeing him like this. 

“Hi. You okay?” You wondered aloud, a question you fully knew the answer to as you sneakily reached your arm back to turn the heat down on the burner, allowing the food to rest a bit while you investigated your boyfriend’s serious lack of Jungkook. 

“Mm. Tired.” He replied flatly, shrugging a bit as his eyes drooped to stare back at you. 

Frowning as he remained uncharacteristically silent after his brief answer to your question, you tucked some of his long strands back behind his ear, sighing through your nostrils at the dark circles the action revealed to you. 

He was tired. He was so fucking tired.

Quickly making the executive decision to move the pot to a completely cold burner, you turned back around to place your hands on his chest, letting an arm slide around his back to support his slumped frame. 

The man’s face remained unmoving as you encouraged his other arm to rest around your neck, your boyfriend grunting as the motion strained his muscle but sighing nonetheless at the relief it gave him. Finally, he didn’t feel quite as heavy as when he was holding himself up.

“C’mon, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up.” You tugged at the hand of his arm resting on your shoulder gently, letting his exhausted body lean on you as you retreated down the hallway.

“Thank you.” He spoke weakly, melting into you further as you dipped your head to press a kiss to the hand resting upon your shoulder, his fingers stroking at your shirt in response. 

Leading him into the bathroom, you propped the sleepy man against the counter, popping out of the room only momentarily to grab a towel from the hallway closet, placing it beside the sink for him and walking over to the shower to play with the water temperature.

“Shower or bath?” You asked to the man behind you, hand hovering over the nozzle to adjust the setting as he let out a deep sigh. 

“Shower. I think I’d fall asleep in a bath.” He admitted sheepishly, making you chuckle a bit before nodding. 

“Shower it is, then.” 

As you switched the stream of running water from tub to shower head, the spray of the water against the tub drowned out almost every other noise, even the soft hum coming from your throat as you pulled the curtain all the way back for easy access inside. Holding your hand out to the man, you gestured for him to come to you with a fold of your fingers, Jungkook easily following your lead as he trudged over to you. 

“Hi, lovey.” You greeted him again, softer this time as you slid your hand underneath the hem of his shirt to grip the fabric. Leaning forward to catch your lips with his, he planted a soft kiss to the flesh, the action gentle and tired as he tried to relay the gratefulness he felt in this moment. Pulling back with a slight smile, you lifted your eyebrows as your boyfriend chuckled at you.

“What?” You asked, making him laugh a bit more and only increasing your confusion. 

“Every time we kiss you act like it’s the first time.” He commented, a bit of teasing in his tone as he smirked a bit back at you. 

You let out a scoff at his words, lifting the material of his shirt to trap his head in the fabric and making him let out a loud laugh at the action. The moment was the first positive sign you’d seen since he arrived home, making your heart feel content as you smiled at his hidden face beneath the cotton. Releasing his head from the shirt, you tossed the black tee to the ground, Jungkook taking the lead on his shorts as he shoved them and his underwear down his thighs. 

“It feels like the first time every time.” You said softly, stepping aside so that Jungkook could make his way into the basin.

“For me too,” he smiled, “you coming?” He referenced the running shower, an open invitation to join the man behind the curtain with pleading doe eyes. 

“Mm, I should finish dinner so that when you get out-”

“Please?” He pouted again, making you blow a breath out past your lips before caving.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a moment, you get in and start without me.” You instructed, the man grinning a bit before stepping into the tub, letting out an immediate sigh at the ease of the water pounding down on his sore back. 

Walking into your bedroom, you quickly made your way over to his drawer in your dresser, picking out another one of his black t-shirts and boxers for him to sleep in and setting them out on the bed. 

Making your way back to the bathroom with an extra towel in hand, you held back your own yawn as you stepped inside the already steamy air of the bathroom, the curtain left the slightest bit open for your expected return.

Peeling your shirt up over your head, you dropped it onto the group of Jungkook’s clothes, letting your shorts slide down your legs to join the pile before pulling the curtain back a bit more. The action revealed a very dry Jungkook, leaning against the tile wall instead of underneath the water like you’d been expecting. Scoffing at his smirk as you stepped into the shower, you gestured to his dry strands of hair, raising your eyebrows in amusement. 

“You were supposed to start without me.” You commented on the barely wet hair framing his face, the man full-on grinning at you as he pulled your body closer to his, guiding you both underneath the stream of water. 

“Now why would I do that?” He asked teasingly, giggling when you shook your head at him. 

“You’re annoying. Give me the shampoo.” You ordered, another big smile twisting at the man’s lips as he dutifully nodded, grabbing the bottle of your shampoo from behind him before you stopped him with a grasp on his wrist.

“Yours, love.” You directed him, pointing to the sweet-smelling shampoo Jungkook adored, having become his favorite shortly into staying over with you and now referred to as ‘his’ by the both of you.

“I wanna wash your hair.” He pouted, you swiping the unfavorable expression off with a kiss to his chin before reaching over to retrieve the shampoo you’d directed him to get. 

“Another time. Right now I need to get you clean and in bed.” You said authoritatively, the man raising his eyebrows in amusement as you squeezed a dollop of the shampoo onto your palm. 

“Aw, babe. I love when you talk nurturing to me.” He smirked, a chuckle exhaled out your nostrils at his words. 

“Yeah, yeah. Just shut your eyes, unless you want me to burn them with this cherry blossom shit.”

After you were done washing his hair, having to occasionally pause to direct his hands back to your hips from where they sometimes started wandering over your body throughout, you began lathering the bottle of body soap in your hands, rubbing down his arms and torso and all around his back to wash away the sweat and aches from his day. 

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” He practically whined after you moved his hand off your stomach the fourth time, letting you pick his arm up to run the water along the limb and successfully run the soap off. 

“Because I know it won’t end there. And I need to get you to bed, remember?” You tutted, placing one more kiss to his jaw before leaning over to shut the water off, setting your hand on his back to encourage him out of the shower. 

His legs didn’t budge, hand collecting your own to stubbornly guide you out ahead of him. 

“You first.” He emphasized as you remained standing in the tub, rolling your eyes with a sigh before you stepped out with the help of his hand. Reaching for one of the towels you’d gathered, you spread it out in front of your body, holding it out by the edges for the man to step into. 

“C’mon, Kookie.” You gestured with a nod of your head, your soft tone making a smile light up his face as he finally stepped out of the tub. Immediately enveloping him in the soft towel, you wrapped him in the dry fabric, hugging him as tired chuckles escaped his lips. 

“Go get dressed. I’ll be there in a minute.” You patted his butt, eliciting more giggles out of the man before he spun on his heel to leave the bathroom.

You could tell the shower had done a lot for his muscle tightness and overall attitude, the familiar smile you’d fallen in love with so long ago making a reappearance within moments of the water making contact with his skin.

Grabbing the other towel, you wrapped it around your own torso, squeezing the ends of your hair a bit, lifting and setting your feet down against the carpet to dry them before stepping out onto the tile floor. 

Shuffling into your bedroom, you whistled at the sight in front of you, a very bare Jungkook turning around to face you with the towel you’d wrapped around him bunched at his feet. 

“Hello there.” You flirted, your boyfriend scoffing as he looked down to his spread boxers, ready for him to step into. The smile remained on his face as he pulled the underwear up his legs, settling them on his hips before directing his gaze back to you.

“Hi, gorgeous.” He crooned, walking over to you with a smirk as he dropped a kiss to your temple. 

“Stop that.” You hushed, shoving his shoulder in an attempt to get him off of you from where he was latched onto your side, head down in the nook between your neck and shoulder pressing kisses to the still-wet skin.

“Oh, so you can flirt with me but I can’t flirt with you?” He raised his eyebrows, you nodding with a confirming hum as you successfully wriggled out of his hold. 

“Precisely.” You replied, slipping a large t-shirt over your torso and opening your drawer in search of proper underwear. 

“Mm. That sounds fair.” He hummed, feet padding against the floor as he exited the room, bent at the waist to ruffle the towel through his hair as he walked. 

After getting some of your regular sleep clothes on, you followed the route your boyfriend had taken moments before, squeezing the water out of your hair with the towel much like he’d done previously. 

“I love when your hair curls like that.” 

Jungkook’s eyes widened at the suddenness of your voice in the room, meeting your fond gaze through the mirror as you watched him wet a cloth underneath the running faucet. 

His dark hair was hanging in waves around his face, tendrils already half dry as they framed his cheeks. His doe eyes stared at you through the mirror, completely bypassing your comment as he turned to you, wet cloth still in hand. 

“You look really pretty.” He grinned, your head tipping in confusion as you gestured to your old ratty t-shirt; it was your classic bedtime attire and frankly, one of the ugliest outfits in existence. 

“How can you even say that right now?” You chuckled, the man mirroring your actions as his teeth beamed at you, eyes watching as you stepped forward and took the cloth from his hand, directing it back under the stream of water from the faucet. 

“I can say that all the time. You always look pretty.” He shrugged, smiling at your exhaled scoff as you waved him off. 

After squeezing the excess water from the washcloth with your hands, you twirled a strand of his hair around your finger, forming a firmer curl around your appendage and nodding once to affirm your work. 

“You’re prettiest.” You concluded with a smile, backing him up so that the backs of his tired knees hit the toilet, easily giving out and letting him land on the closed seat with a grunt. 

“You’re strongest, that’s for damn sure.” He huffed teasingly, watching you roll your eyes at him as you leaned over to grab his face wash. As you repositioned yourself in front of him to apply the foam onto his skin, his eyes poured into yours, making you hum in question at the glint in his eye. 

“C’mere.” He said simply, arms tightening around your thighs to pull you down onto his lap, your legs reflexively wrapping around his waist as he smiled in approval.

“Much better.” He squeezed your hips lovingly, wiggling his eyebrows at you to make it harder for you to focus on your application of the foam as you finally locked eyes with him. 

“Jungkook, I’m trying to take care of you.” You whined, making him stop immediately as he pursed his lips out, humming when you reflexively pressed yours to them. 

“What?” You asked, genuinely confused at the softened look in his eye. For god’s sake, you were in your ratty old college t-shirt sitting on a toilet applying sticky foam to fight his acne. What was romantic about this?

“Just love you.” He said simply, leaning forward to peck your lips again and giggling when some of the foam from his nose smeared onto your skin. 

“Love you too, you freak.”

[rawrroarart]

Hi everyone, semi-important update regarding this blog and why I don't post as often. I say semi because if you're just a casual looker of my blog, you can disregard this because nothing in my blog will change and I'll still be here.

But for the rest of you interested in reading more, I do have a lil potential treat at the end of this post, but it's a little long-winded to get to that point since I'm going to vent a little about my art. Though whether you read my ramble or not, you are free to claim the treat at the end (it's only a potential treat because it's based on if you even like it LOL). I'll be posting in the LWA tag, as I pretty much am a LWA blog, but I do apologize for clogging the place with something a bit unrelated, and this should be the last time I do it

Anyway if you're still reading let's get to it:

So obviously I've been dead in my blog and I hardly, if ever, post art. Now I guess it's normal to see something like this for blogs, as life gets in the way for most people and things just start to faze out. Circle of life or whatever. But truth to be told, I am still very much interested in drawing often, and as of late my life isn't even currently "in the way" that would prevent me from doing so. So why aren't I posting more frequently or even drawing at all if even on my own?

Drawing isn't fun.

That's really misleading, but let me clarify: I have too high of an expectation for myself, and with so many people watching, I get overwhelmed and even nauseous really about not churning out my absolute best All the Time. My situation obviously isn't unique or special or anything, and is of absolute no fault to you or anyone else following me. And I know, of course, no one is telling me to always churn out 100%, but it's the fear inside me to not disappoint even one of you, and I try to be a perfectionist and people-please all at once. Trying to draw like this isn't fun.

Aside from that, I also have huge issues regarding "spamming" people with my posts. This is a honestly stupid issue because no one is forced to follow me, and I know people are here because they want to be here, but I just can't help but feel bad when I post too frequently, especially combined with content that's subpar. Even this post alone I feel guilty about, since no one really "signed up" for a whole rant about inadequacy, but I figured it would be good for me especially for what treat I mentioned earlier.

These two issues together make up part of the whole sha-bang of my standstill. I get stressed if my content isn't up to standard and I get stressed if I post too often. So I just do nothing. And the more I do nothing the more stressed I get about having to be even better than the last time I've drawn, because it's obviously been so long that I must have improved on my own! (I haven't)

Anyway what does that bring us to? What is my attempt of a solution? Something obviously needs to happen to fix this, and I just want to have fun creating content again. So here's the "treat" that I mentioned earlier: I have a new art blog or should I say a doodle/scrap blog, and you are free to join me on my new journey.

How is this different from my current art blog, you ask? Well for one thing, it's going to be mainly for doodles, blurbs, anything I want really. The real kicker is that I also won't be tagging my posts (maybe occasionally if it's funny enough), so they shouldn't reach a bigger audience and spam the designated tags they would be in (like LWA). I can also more appropriately convince myself that, if you followed me, you especially are consenting to a bunch of posts (if I even post that much ha), and I'll also hold a soft spot for you LOL

You also don't have to follow me, as I'm sure a lot of my doodles will make their way to my art blog here, but in the form of one singular post labeled "doodle dump" or something. So no ones really "missing out" on anything. Following the new blog just gives you first access to whatevers going on with me

Note: I will still be posting art I put a lot of effort into on this blog!!

Of course this is all experimental, and it could all just go to shit, but I want to try to do something to get out of my slump. And before you ask "why can't you just draw without posting," it's because I thrive on validation also which is also why I get put in a standstill LOL. So yes please follow me if you'd like, I would be happy.

On another note, I'm also planning to purchase an ipad to actually have a better way of drawing, as my current digital art set up is really janky, laggy, and off-putting that it makes me not want to try either. But apple's art app looks so nice and seems perfect for me. I've set up my kofi to accept donations with a milestone if you wanted to lend a helping hand. It should be linked in my bio!

Anyway yea thanks for reading this far and supporting me. I'll do my best to keep producing content and improve my skills.

Tl;dr If you're here for the "treat," I have a new doodle blog but you consent to no thoughts head empty if you follow it. I'm also looking to buy an ipad sometime.

[xpeachesncream]

bands | thirteen

[ series masterlist ]

summary: jeon jungkook has it all: the looks, the fame, the money, the women. being considered the sexiest man in the industry, he finds no complaints about the way his life is going nor does he find any reason to apologize for the way he approaches it. he is a force to be reckoned with - until he meets you.

pairing: stripper!reader x idol!jjk

genre: (18+) strip club/nightlife au, post grad au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.9k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, slight degradation, trouble stirring behind the scenes if you squint, yeonjun and soobin (txt) make an appearance but also as reg 18 yr olds lol

tags: @brightcolorsoffendme​ @min-nicoleee​ @eggbutnotyolk​ @ra-mun-e @miinoongi​ @jimidol​ @ppeachyttae​ @thebeebi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @kooafraid​ @liriaus​ @thisartemisnevermisses​ @ggukkieland​ @preciouschimine​ @sunniejinnie​ @cypheruby​ @cyb3rbab3​ @masterlists101​ @awhnamjoon​ @redhedhoseok​ @wooya1224​ @taeismydeath @jikookiekosmos​ @un2-verse​ @aynsx​ @wearenot7withu​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"BTS' Jeon Jungkook rumored to be dating stripper from nightclub!"

"Jungkook is no longer single, ladies!"

"Jeon Jungkook is dating a stripper? Why the hell is he doing that?"

"Who the hell does she think she is? I bet she's not even pretty."

"Jungkook fell for a stripper? Out of all people? Damn, and I thought he was better than that."

Jungkook has been tired, the rumors constantly being spread day in and day out. But, it still didn't mean he was gonna say shit to prove himself to people out there. He didn't need to give anybody answers. Hell, this was strictly between you and him and that's how he wants to keep it.

Fuck every single one of you who didn't wanna be behind him and support him. Don't even think about calling yourself a fan of his if that's your mindset.

He could truly care less. He was happy and he felt ten times better than he has in a really long time. It's unfortunate how people love to stay narrow minded. The only thing that bothered him was the fact that it was so unfair for you - how they stuck to that stripper image, rather than really getting to know you beneath the surface.

But it's not like anyone else deserved to know the real you, not after all this shit. And he was gonna keep it that way, and protect you.

"Hey, don't listen to any of that shit, okay?" Jungkook says as he meets you in your car in the BigHit building garage. "None of that matters to me."

"I know, but Kook." You look at him. "Your career, BigHit literally might not even want me here and-and—"

"Then I'll make sure they understand it's not an issue, because it's really fucking not." He says, getting irritated only at the thought of the company giving him issues over you. He watches as you slightly frown, causing him to sigh and soften his own facial expression. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get worked up like that. It's just annoying how people are narrow-minded. This has absolutely nothing to do with you." You give him a small smile. "Come on, I'll walk you." You silently nod and hop out of your car. You follow beside him, your stomach in knots having to meet with their performance director. This meant you'd also most likely run into the rest of Bangtan.

In which happens to turn true pretty quickly.

"Jungkookie!" Hoseok says loudly down the hallway as he approaches the both of you. He does nothing besides smile, curiosity definitely filling his eyes.

"This is Y/N. Y/N, Hoseok hyung." He holds out his hand for you to shake, his head tilting ever so slightly because you know he's familiar with your face. He's just trying to remember from where. Or, he has recognized you, but he's trying his hardest not to say anything.

Cause they have seen all of you, especially in that fishnet bodysuit.

"Hi! Nice to meet you! You can call me Hobi for short. Are you meeting with someone?" You nod.

"Yeah." Is all you can reply with as you shyly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Nice, goodluck!"

"Is everyone else here?" Jungkook asks, making Hobi nod.

"Yeah, but they're still running through some stuff in the dance studio. I just ran off to take a break."

"Okay." Jungkook looks at you. "Follow me, he's in one of the private studio rooms." You both part ways from Hoseok, the need to clutch onto Jungkook's arm immensely strong right now. You hold yourself off though, because even with passing a few female staff members, you catch them looking at you oddly with the way you're walking side by side with Jungkook.

Nope. Don't even think about it, Y/N. It doesn't matter.

Jungkook knocks softly on a door, the middle of it being made up of entirely frosted glass so it's difficult to see inside. Their performance director opens the door swiftly and welcomes you in with a warm smile, stepping aside to let you in.

"I've got it from here, Jungkookie. Thank you." Jungkook nods but tries to peek through the door to get one last glimpse of your face before he shuts it fully. "How are you doing, Y/N?" He sits in front of you, leaning onto his knees with his hands fully clasped together.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Good, tired." He chuckles. "Thanks for taking my call earlier and for meeting at such short notice on a weekend. I had a couple of things come up and didn't want to push things off until later." You smile.

"It's no problem."

"Jungkook tells me a lot about you."

"Does he now?" You chuckle and tilt your head to the side.

"Says you're a really good person. Super hardworking. Told me a little bit about your situation with your brother."

"Mmyeah, it's a little complicated."

"It's alright, no need to get into the details." He smiles before letting out a small sigh. "It's incredibly rare for me to hear Jungkook speak like that. In general. He's usually very closed off, doesn't like to let people in much. He really respects you, you know? Cares about you a whole lot." You slightly blush.

"I'm still getting used to it." He chuckled.

"Look, I know you've been worrying because of where you've been and all that, but I want to reassure you that none of it matters. I don't like to focus on all that. You're here as you, not her." He says, putting another pronoun to your stripper persona.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." He nods. There's a small pause before he begins to speak again.

"I could really use some help around here if you're still interested? The boys are becoming a lot for me to handle."

"Ah-uh, yeah! Of course I am." You found yourself stuttering at the sudden offer. Was this fucking real?! "But, you are aware of where me and Jungkook are at, right?" You ask, trying to be completely transparent and honest about their relationship. He nods and waves his hand out.

"As long as you keep it professional here, right?" You nod.

"Right."

"Come, let me show you around really quickly and have you formally meet the boys." You swallowed the lump in your throat. Fucking great. He definitely didn't know they've all seen your titties and pussy out during Yoongi's birthday, and now here you were - about to meet them again in this environment. Hobi was awkward enough even though he tried not to be.

Surprisingly, Jungkook wasn't waiting outside in the hallway like you thought he would be, but the tour commences and the PD is taking you around pretty quickly. You feel even more awkward and somewhat alone [even though you weren't] without Jungkook nearby, but you chug along and say your hello's to the people you're introduced to. He finally brings you into the dance studio, where there's loud ass music blasting, Jungkook, the boys and some backup dancers in front of the mirrors fooling around.

"Aye boys, come here real quick." You and Jimin lock eyes and your body suddenly gets tense. The room feels 10x hotter than it already is, especially when he slowly walks over and clenches his jaw. He is literally seeping with hate right now, maybe actually disgust, and he doesn't even try to hide it. Most of them for sure recognize you, but they seem to brush it off and give you a big wave/smile anyway.

"Last, that's Jimin - Jimin, Y/N." You give Jimin a fake smile, and the only thing his ass can reciprocate is the smallest, tight-lipped smile you have ever seen. You've never even seen your mom do that when she got mad or upset with you.

"Hi." Is all you can say.

"Sup." He looks at you before turning on his heel and walking away.

"Ooookay?" Namjoon furrows his brows as he watches Jimin walk away so rudely. "The hell was that about?"

"I knew that was Kookie's girlfriend! Maybe Jiminie remembers seeing her titties and shit too, needs to walk away before he gets his ass beat by him." Yoongi says lowly behind Namjoon.

"Yeah, like you're any better." Namjoon says, looking at Yoongi weirdly.

"I mean, we did see her practically naked." Jin says, chiming into the discussion.

"I touched her." Yoongi's mouth slightly hangs down. "I touched her."

"Go ahead, say it louder so Kookie can hear you." Jin nods sarcastically. "Go, say it!"

"No, stop." Yoongi's cheeks turn red while shaking his head and laughing. "He'll literally launch me out the window with one hand."

"Good."

"You asked for her to sit on your lap too, bro!"

"I was joking, and it's not like she did it anyway!"

"Whatever, I'm keeping my birthday deep in my memory storage."

"Clean slate for her so it should be for you too, my guy." Namjoon says as he has enough of their conversation.

You look at Jungkook who is silently standing there, looking like a big dork with a huge smile on his face and his thumbs up. You give him the tiniest nod before proceeding to follow the PD out.

"So?!" Jungkook dashes to meet you in their waiting room area, where an abnormally large picture of Jimin posing oddly hung up.

"He said he'll send me all the info and papers and stuff!" You respond excitedly as Kook hugs you and quickly swings you around.

"See, I knew it would work out!" He puts you down. "Are you gonna tell Kai?" You shook your head.

"Not today at least, it's his birthday and I don't wanna take away from that. It's his day." Jungkook smiles at you.

"Text me when you've picked him up? I should be home by then."

"Okay." You blush and back away, making Jungkook look at you with confusion. "I have to keep it professional here, duh."

"Ah I see." He chuckles. "That won't last very long."

"Jungkook." You whine.

"There's a lot of private rooms here and—"

"I'm not listening, sorry. I think Kai is suddenly calling me." You cover your ears as you begin to walk away, giving him one last smile before leaving him to the rest of rehearsals and whatever else they're doing. He laughs to himself as he waves you off, excited to get through the day so he can just spend time with you and Kai.

As the hours go on and it's about time for you to pick Kai up, you quickly stop by the store because you're a procrastinator and didn't buy Kai's birthday gift any earlier. You felt bad you weren't able to find the shoes he wanted, but you at least snagged the video game he had been talking about for a couple of days now. Before walking into the arcade, you made sure to write your birthday card and slip some more money into it before shoving it in your bag to give to him later.

"Your pretty sister is here." Yeonjun grabs Kai by the shoulder as he finishes up a game.

"Yeah, and you're too young for her."

"Age is nothing but a number. It's only like.. 6 years apart."

"Besides, she's taken, dude. Sorry." Kai snorts as he watches Yeonjun's smile fade. "You would have never had the chance."

"You're mean."

"I'm mean, or you just have really high, unrealistic expectations?" The rest of their friends laugh as they follow Kai over to you.

"Hey!" You smile at all his friends.

"Hiiiiii Y/N." They all say in unison, some waving in awe, while the others shyly dug their hands into their pockets. "Birthday boy, you all good to go? Got some good Loco Moco waiting for you."

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Happy birthday again, Kai! Get online later!" Soobin yells out.

"Yeah, yeah." He says, waving them off as he follows you out to your car.

"You guys run through the entire arcade?" Kai laughs.

"Pretty much." He sinks into his seat, legs damn near touching the glove compartment with how long he is. "I'm honestly so excited for Loco Moco. It's been years!"

"It has not been that long." You laughed.

"You're right, it's been months." Kai looks out the window. "Wait, you're passing the road to get to our go-to shop though?"

"Cause I found a better place."

"How is there a better place when that one was already supreme?!"

"Hey, trust me on this okay?" You laugh. Kai starts telling you about his day and how so many people he knew from school had been messaging him happy birthday. He truly looked his happiest today and it was all you could ask for. Though at the same time, your heart slightly sank at the fact that he'd be going off to uni soon and staying at the dorms. He was just growing up way too fast, and you wanted to spend as much time as you could with him now before he was too occupied being a college boy.

You slipped yourself past Jungkook's security, parking in the one guest spot they have in the garage that's closest to the elevator. Kai doesn't really question it and hops out anyway, his hands in his pockets as he follows you into the elevator and onto Jungkook's floor.

"You ready, kid?"

"Is this some like, Michelin Star Loco Moco restaurant?"

"Ah, I guess you could say that." You knocked on the door, hearing music playing in the background. Jungkook opens the door and Kai's eyes widen.

"Oh shit, that's Jungkook?" Kook laughs and steps aside to let you both in. "Sis why—what—how come you didn't tell me we were seeing your boyfriend? I look like a mess!" He says lowly.

"You don't!"

"Hey Kai! Happy Birthday!" Jungkook says smiling, making Kai actually blush. He's cheeks are tinted with a rosy color and he suddenly gets all shy.

"Thanks."

"Your brother's tall." Jungkook looks at him up and down.

"Looking at an 18 year old 6 footer."

"Must be nice."

"Go sit." Kai silently nods as he sits awkwardly on Kook's couch, while you go and check in on him in the kitchen.

"Is he always that shy?"

"No. Just with you, apparently. He's not even that shy around girls." You chuckle as he places a quick kiss on your head. "Need my help?" You still ask even though the plates are neatly prepared already.

"Not really." He smiles down at you. "You hungry though?"

"Starving, actually." Your eyes light up at the plates. "Ouuuuuu, yum."

"Honestly, I think this batch might be better than my first."

"Still honored to be your guinea pig." You carry a plate over to Jungkook's coffee table in the living room.

"Oh shit, that looks amazing." Kai says, slipping himself down from the couch to the floor so he could get a good whiff of the plate. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jungkook hands you the remote before walking into his room. "Pick something."

"Here, birthday boy. Help me choose."

"Let's watch Soul on Disney+." At this point, Jungkook comes out of his room with a wrapped present, his eyes locked on the TV.

"Ooh, I keep seeing this everywhere! Niceeeee." Jungkook says, smiling with Kai nodding and already digging into his plate. "By the way, this is for you." You shoot him a look as he sits on the floor by you, watching as Kai unwraps the present. Kai's eyes light up as he sees a shoebox underneath the wrapping, quickly flipping the lid open to reveal those blue Air Jordans he wanted.

"Kook?!" You say lowly, making him smile at you and gently pinch your side.

"Holy shit!" He holds out a shoe, only for him to immediately shake his head and close the box again. "Jungkook, I can't take this." Kai says.

"No, it's your birthday."

"Yeah, but isn't this expensive? You've already done so much for me and my sister, I-I don't want to—"

"Kai, it's cool. If it's one thing you can do to repay me, it's to take my present." You literally want to cry at how sweet Jungkook is being with your brother. He had been good to you, no doubt, but this was one thing you didn't expect from him at all. Quite frankly, you had forgotten you mentioned the shoes to him. The fact that he actually remembered and kept his word.

"Okay." Kai says, gently setting the box down aside before looking at Jungkook with a small smile on his face. "Thank you. I really appreciate it. Like, even with the food and everything. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome." You give him a soft smile before digging into your food while Soul was already off to a start. Kai and Jungkook devour their food together, with you following shortly behind as Jungkook brings over a small ice cream cake from his fridge for Kai to blow his candles on. After the boys had helped themselves to a good serving of the cake, they started getting hyper and pulled up Smash Bros on Kook's Nintendo Switch [as if Kai hadn't played enough games today]. It started to get intense; the boys jumping and yelling everywhere, bouncing off of the walls, with you getting pulled into the competition every now and then. Even though you knew you'd lost over and over again, you happily joined in anyway, seeing how excited your brother was - plus, it was always a bonus to hear Jungkook's loudly obnoxious, nerdy laugh.

"I WIN!"

"Hey, hey, hey. I let you win because it's your birthday." Jungkook said, making Kai laugh as he crashed to the floor.

"Sure." Kai huffed and puffed. "Crap, I'm tired. What time is it?"

"Almost midnight. We should start heading out, bubba." You patted Kai's chest gently.

"What? No, it's late. Why don't you two just stay here?" You suddenly remembered you've had Kai's shit in your trunk since you dropped him off at Yeonjun's this morning. You didn't have any change of clothes, but that could easily be fixed with Jungkook's closet.

"Only if the queen wants, she's driving."

"It's late, baby." Jungkook says to you softly. "No way I'm letting you two head out there."

"Okay." You give him a small smile before handing your keys. "Can you do me a favor?" He chuckles.

"What is it?"

"Kai's duffle bag is in my trunk." He nods and takes your keys.

"I got it. Kai, you can take the guest room or my office room." Jungkook says with his 3-bedroom apartment having ass. "I have my computer in my office room though, and a pull out bed. I don't know how comfy you'll be."

"It's cool, I'll just take your guest room. I always bring my laptop and switch whenever I sleep at my sister's." Kai says getting up. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jungkook says, toothlessly smiling at the both of you, completely endeared at how alike you two were - even down to the fact that you both said thank you for every little thing. If this was a result of Kai being close to you and having you as pretty much his mother figure, then Jungkook wouldn't know what to do with his feelings. He felt butterflies every time he thought about how cute and sweet you were, and he was always excited to be around you.

Jungkook does a quick jog to your car, grabbing Kai's Nike duffle from your trunk before jogging back to the elevator and back to his apartment. He walks in to see Kai helping you clean up the remaining dishes in the sink, tidying the rest of the things in his kitchen.

"Thank you." Jungkook says himself, a little unfamiliar with saying such a thing to be completely honest.

"You're welcome." You say softly, wiping your hands on his hand towel. "Off to bed, or are you gonna go online with your friends?"

"I'll see what they're up to, but I'm pretty beat. Today was fun." Kai smiles at the both of you. "I really appreciate it." You ruffle his hair a bit before gently pushing him towards his bedroom for the night.

"Bathroom's right over there, help yourself to anything you need."

"Don't stay up too late."

"Only if you aren't too loud." You gasp while Jungkook laughs out loud.

"Kai!"

"Hey, I'm just being honest. Please remember that I'm right in this room."

"Oh my god, go to bed." You shove him inside the room and shut his door. "Don't even say a word." You look at Jungkook shyly as you hurriedly brush past him to get into his room - even though Jungkook is literally right behind you with those long ass legs of his, making every stride so much easier for him to catch up to you.

"What's your outfit of choice tonight, pretty lady?" He shuts his door behind him as you start to make your way into his closet.

"Hm, I'll just wear this plain black--" You unfold it. "Balenciaga? Okay, I definitely can't just wear this to sleep."

"Why not?"

"Because this is like, name brand and everything."

"So?" He shrugs. "Just wear it, babygirl. It's not gonna make much of a difference, you're wearing it either way." You do a slight pout before you start to slip out of your clothes to get into his shirt. You make his way to his bathroom to take a little tinkle when you notice another toothbrush sitting next to his. A pink toothbrush, next to his blue one.

"Why do you have two toothbrushes?" You wash your hands as he comes in to the bathroom to start getting ready for bed.

"That's yours." Your eyes light up at his statement.

"Mine?"

"I figured since you'd be over more, it'd be easier for you." He furrows his brows lightly. "Unless.. you didn't want--" You press a kiss against his lips, his hands resting on your arms to keep you close.

"No, I did want that. Thank you."

"Of course, baby." He pecks your forehead.

"By the way, way to make me look like such a bad sister!" You say as you start getting your toothbrush ready.

"Why? The shoes?"

"The shoes, the Loco Moco, the games, the ice cream cake." You laughed. "I literally got him a video game and some money."

"I mean, he is turning 18. I wanted to help make it as memorable as possible."

"I appreciate you a lot. Really."

"I appreciate you too." Your eyes widen as you brush your teeth.

"Waaaaow, say thaht wun mohr tiyme." You say, pulling a Jungkook while brushing your teeth.

"Eye apprushiate yoh toh." You giggle. The both of you finish getting ready for bed before slipping into his warm sheets. Jungkook never goes to sleep early, however, he makes sure all the lights are off and that the show he's watching isn't too loud. You have no idea what's going on in his show, but you lay on his chest to watch for a little bit until you feel yourself getting a little more sleepy. He's holding you close, his hand brushing through your hair softly, causing tingles to ripple through your body.

"Kook."

"Yes, baby?"

"You make me happy." You say sleepily as you hung him tighter. He smiles down at you, your eyes now shut close as you slowly start to drift into a deep sleep. He presses a light kiss against your head, fingers still in your hair.

"You make me happy too, sweetheart."

[biisexualemma]

home. pt 4. bucky barnes

word count: 4.1k

warnings: implications of sex (blink and you'll miss it), nudity (again nothing descriptive) but generally lots of fluff and tiny bit of angst

requested: yes and no but it's here anyway lol

plot: you're recovering from your mission with sam and his family, patiently awaiting for bucky to come home

a/n: thank you for the support on this series loool i hope you like this! i think this will likely be the last part! it rounds off quite nicely i think so hope this is a satisfying ending! i loved writing this, especially the bathroom scene! enjoy! comment! lmk what you think! (also sorry this is so long i got carried away when editing oop--)

pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3 / marvel masterlist / multi-fandom masterlist

you huffed, swatting away the tiny hand prodding your forehead. when it persisted, you let out a throaty groan, forcing open your groggy eyes, to see cass, sam's nephew, nose to nose with you. you scrunched up your nose, squinting at him with tired eyes, before letting out a breathy laugh and shoving his face away with the palm of your hand.

"can't a girl get a lie in around here?" you grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as aj came running into the sitting room following his brother. you shot him a small smile, cautiously pushing yourself upright on the couch. you bit down on the inside of your cheek, the familiar sharpness shooting through your ribs as you repositioned yourself, trying to mask any pain you felt.

"nope," cass hopped on the end of the couch, sitting himself on top of you, shaking his head with a toothy grin. you let out a strained yawn, stretching your arms up over your head, having to force yourself awake. you winced, the stabbing pain returning as you dropped your arms back to your side. you tried to disguise it with a small laugh, ruffling up cass' hair, who was sat watching you from his end of the couch.

"mom had to go down to the harbour with uncle sam," aj informed you, positioning himself on the arm of the couch beside you. you nodded, sighing lightly, you slumped your shoulders, you were still tired. you had gotten pretty close to sam's family in the past week or so you'd spent on their couch, but it was so easy to love these kids. they were the sweetest, cheekiest kids you'd ever met. they reminded you so much of sam. "'told us to look after you."

"no," you shook your head, quickly protesting. "i'm the adult here."

"maybe," aj wore a wide, cheeky smile, dragging out the word. "but uncle sam says you're a hot mess, and that we gotta' help you out," you could hear sam saying this to his nephew. your eyebrows knitted, glancing between the two boys who were giggling as you feigned a look of hurt. you couldn't help but crack a small smile after a while, they were too easy and they were too cute to even pretend to be mad at.

"your uncle sam doesn't know what he's talking about," you waved away his comment. "i'm fine," you insisted quickly before a small, insubordinate smirk began forming on your lips. their faces lit up with small smiles, watching your every move, taking in everything you were saying. that was one thing you loved about kids, you could tell them absolutely anything and they would believe you, no questions asked. you turned your attention back to cass who was still sat, legs crossed, his weight crushing your feet a little (though you didn't mind so much). he had the cheekiest smile of the both of them. "so," you quirked an eyebrow. "are you gonna' sit on me all day or do you wanna eat some pancakes?" you had to suppress your laughter when his eyes widened, knowing just how much he loved breakfast food. kids were too easily persuaded.

his lips tightened, trying to hold back an excited smile. he glanced over at his older brother, trying to figure out if he was allowed to accept your offer, before his eyes moved back at you. you tilted your head, giving him a look. "well?" you teased, knowing you had him.

"pancakes!" he caved, just like you knew he would. you couldn't blame him, who could resist pancakes. his voice raised an octave higher in his excitement. you giggled as cass hopped off of you, running towards the kitchen with his older brother following behind him, just as enthusiastically.

you let out a soft humph, your smile falling a little as you dragged your feet over the side of the couch, letting them hang there for a moment. you were healing well, you just constantly felt wiped out now you had finally taken a breather. you hadn't realised how much you'd been pushing yourself during this mission, until you stopped. sam had noticed too, so he wasn't letting you contribute much around the house.

you had been hesitant to accept his offer at first, the last thing you wanted to do, after everything, was impose. you knew sam had his own stuff to work out too. but it was sarah, in the end, who reassured you that you were more than welcome to stick around as long as you needed. something about your presence around the house being much needed as she was currently outnumbered three to one. so, to try and make yourself somewhat useful, you offered to watch the boys anytime she needed.

you were grateful to them both for letting you crash, and, truthfully, you were happy you did take the offer in the end, it was much needed. it also helped that literally every single person you had met was kind and welcoming, something you hadn't felt in a while. that, along with sam's lovely family, was enough to keep your mind off things for a while.

things being bucky, who you hadn't heard from since the fight with walker. he hadn't checked in with you once. you knew he had his own stuff to handle but it still didn't make you feel great knowing he was out there god knows where, doing god knows what. it stung a little when he up and left you like that without a second thought. if he wasn't willing for you to tag along, you expected for him to communicate his plans to you, at the least. but you should've known, bucky had never been very good at communicating.

"y/n, c'mon! it's pancake time!" you were pulled out of your thoughts by aj, whose hand latched onto yours, urging you onto your feet. you forced a small smile, pushing any thoughts out of your head that didn't involve making pancakes, and ignoring the dull ache in your chest that came whenever you thought about him. if you just kept busy, you wouldn't have to think about any of it.

-

you lifted your hand to your face, wiping away the beads of sweat dripping from your forehead. the sun was high and it was sweltering, you hadn't adjusted to the louisiana heat yet and you weren't sure you ever would.

you peeled off the jacket that was starting to stick to your clammy skin, tossing it aside, deciding that now was a good time to take a break. collapsing onto an upturned crate, you let out a weighted sigh, squinting, using the back of your hand to shield your eyes as the sun shone down into your line of sight.

"here," sarah appeared behind you, handing over a cold bottle of water. you mumbled a quiet thank you, before quickly gulping down the refreshing water. you let out a content sigh after quenching your thirst, your shoulders slumping. she rested her hand on your shoulder, squeezing it gently before taking a seat beside you. "how y'getting on?"

you shrugged, your eyes watching your feet, feeling the subtle sway of the boat floating on the water. "sam won't let me help with the heavy duty stuff, so he's got me painting," you motioned to the bucket of paint and the brush sitting on the ground where you had left them.

she nodded. "and how you feelin'?"

you straightened your back, lifting your gaze to meet her stare for a second. "i'm getting there. but this heat doesn't quit," she let out a soft laugh, nodding again.

"yeah, that's something you never really get used to," she patted your shoulder again, another soft, reassuring squeeze. "i gotta' run to the store, i'll be back in a half hour. need anything?" you shook your head, mumbling a quiet no thank you. "alright, well, don't strain yourself."

you rolled your eyes, halfheartedly. she wore a teasing smile, one that reminded you of sam. they were so alike, it was weird sometimes when you thought about how this was the life behind the man you had known for so many years. "i won't," she nudged your shoulder when you shook your head again. "not with sam around anyway," you joked, scrunching up your nose.

"hey," she called, edging away from you as she made to leave. you looked over at her, blocking the sun from your eyes with your hand. she quirked an eyebrow at you. "he's looking out for you! we all are," you tightened your lips, trying to disguise the smile growing on your lips. you nodded, waving goodbye as she left the boat.

it felt nice to have the small circle of people who cared for you, starting to grow.

a loud noise emitting from the other end of the boat caught your attention, your eyes widening when you spotted a cloud of steam gushing from one of the pipes. you darted over, your hands frantically hovering around the pipe as you tried to figure out how best to fix whatever it was that was broken. you rummaged through the tool box sitting next to you, and grabbed a wrench, purely because it felt the like the right tool to grab. in truth, you had no idea what the hell you were doing. you clapped the tool around the pipe, trying with all your might to stop the steam from spitting out.

"sam!" you hollered over your shoulder, trying to catch the mans attention so he could help you. "i have no idea what the hell i'm doing!" you called blindly in a panic, hoping someone would swing in and take over before you made this any worse.

"here," you felt a hand tap your shoulder, so you let go of the tool and stepped back. only it wasn't sam like you had expected. you stumbled backwards into sam, his hands touching your forearm as you regained your balance. it was bucky who had his hands clamped round the wrench, fixing the pipe with relative ease.

you gulped. you couldn't figure out how you were feeling now he was in front of you. your feelings were mixed. mainly you felt relieved that he was in front of you in one piece. "thanks," was all you managed to croak out once he turned to face you. his eyes focused on you, squinting from the sun in his eyes. he opened his mouth to say something to you when sam cut him off.

"why didn't you use your metal arm?" you raised an eyebrow, watching as bucky shrugged, his eyes dragging away from you and towards sam.

"i don't always think of it immediately," he admitted honestly. "i'm right handed."

you sighed. you sometimes wondered how this was the same man who traipsed around for ninety years as the winter soldier. you rolled your eyes, moving away from the two of them, returning to the painting you'd been hard at work with before all this commotion.

you'd just have to speak to bucky later, when you could be alone. right now, you were helping sam.

--

bucky had reluctantly agreed to stay the night after a long day working on the boat. you had been carefully avoiding him all day. you didn't feel much like hashing things out in front of sam and his entire family, so you stuck your head down and got on with your work.

but now it was pretty late, a lot of time had passed, and you had yet to catch your boyfriend alone. you figured a shower would do you good, to clean you up and hopefully clear your head.

your eyes were deeply focused on your own, watching yourself in the foggy mirror after finally leaving the comfort of the hot shower. your eyes were sunken, hollow almost as you looked back at yourself. you didn't look like yourself. you looked tired all the time, mainly because you were tired all the time.

you hadn't been sleeping as well without bucky next to you. along with sam's nephews waking you up at the crack of dawn every morning, you weren't getting as much sleep as you should be. though you couldn't blame the boys, they were excited to have someone in the house that let them do whatever they wanted to do (though it got you in trouble a fair bit). bucky, however, you could blame. if he had just told you straight where he was going, what his plan was. if he'd just contacted you so you knew he was ok all that time he was away. but he didn't. he left you behind to finish his own mission, not thinking twice about how it would make you feel.

your fingertips grazed over the skin of your neck, the bruising was finally starting to turn an ugly yellow colour, meaning it would start to fade away soon. most of your wounds had healed, you were mainly left with bruises and scabs and a subtle ache. nothing too serious. but it certainly made you look like hell.

you pursed your lips, your fingertips trailing down your chest, until gently brushing against the large purple-green bruise running across your ribs. you twisted your abdomen to get a better a look at the bruise that circled round to your back, wincing and gritting your teeth as you did. sam mentioned something about your ribs taking longer to heal than any of the other injuries, you just didn't think he meant it'd take this long.

you startled, flinching from the knock on the door, drifting you out of your thoughts and back to your current state. you grabbed a towel from the rack beside you and wrapped it around yourself. "yeah?" you called out in response to the knock. you wiped away the droplets of water covering your face with your hand, sniffling as you secured the towel around your chest.

"it's me," the soft, familiar voice muffled through the door dividing the two of you. you gulped, glancing at your reflection one last time, before turning away.

you hesitated, but ultimately unlocked the door and pulled it open. you turned back to the mirror, leaving the door to hang open as you stood with your back to him. he let himself in, locking the door again behind himself. he hovered by the door, falling back against it, his eyes watching carefully as you ran your hands over your face.

you glanced at him in the reflection of the mirror, out the corner of your eye. his eyes lingered over your body, only his eyes were just as hollow as yours. after a moment of silence, he let out a sigh, and edged across the small space to be closer to you. "hey," he mumbled softly, his hands gripping your waist over the towel. you took in a sharp breath, your hands quickly moving to his to pull them away from your tender bruises. you turned yourself to face him, still holding his hands that hovered over your waist now. his eyes widened slightly, moving back and forth between yours, looking for you to tell him what he'd done wrong.

"sore still," you scrunched up your nose, the ache slowly fading away again after he'd let go. it wasn't his fault, he wasn't to know.

his eyebrows creased together, his eyes trickling down to the visible bruises marked around your throat. he gulped, he gave your hands a soft squeeze before moving them to your shoulders. he couldn't pull his stare away from you, he was taking you all in. his fingertips pressing into your shoulders gently, his lips pursing.

"m'sorry," he mumbled in a whisper. his eyes lifting back up to yours again, soaked with guilt.

you shook your head faintly. "y'didn't know--"

"no--" he shook his head. "i'm sorry i left like that," his hands slipping from your shoulders, his soft touch trailing down your bare arms before gripping your forearms. he hadn't noticed the bandage on your wrist until his fingers grazed against the material. he scrunched up his face, his touch leaving you as he turned away. he moved a hand to his face, his forefinger and thumb trying to unknit the crease between his eyebrows.

"it's alright, buck," you spoke softly. it wasn't really ok, at least, not how he left. but you didn't want him beating himself up about you being hurt, that was part of the job, that had nothing to do with him. "i'm fine, really."

"you're still a terrible liar," his voice was cold, and your chest tightened. "i should've held back longer before i left," he shook his head again, his gaze dropping to the floor. "i should've said something," you let out a sigh, reaching out, your fingertips grazing his arm. he turned around under your touch, his jaw clenched when he met your eyes again. he never imagined being this much under someones control ever again. but here you were, and he would do anything you asked.

you pursed your lips. "maybe," you shrugged. you had given it some thought throughout the day. you couldn't hold a grudge against him forever, he made a split second decision, and he knew he was leaving you in capable hands. "but what's happened has happened. there was a lot going on. i'm sure you're still processing a lot of it."

he was pouring so much emotion into you with just a stare, your eyes fluttering as you held his gaze. "i was angry-- i didn't think everything through-- i just-- i knew i needed to deal with zemo."

you sniffled, gulping down the lump in your throat. "i get it. you didn't want me there to see any of it," you thought back to when bucky told you he never wanted you to have to see him as the winter soldier again. you thought back to watching bucky fight under zemo's control. you understood why he needed to do what he did, you'd said time and time again, you would kill zemo yourself when the mission was over.

"i didn't kill him," he admitted hesitantly. "the Dora Milaje took care of him."

you raised an eyebrow. "oh, that's so much worse for him," bucky nodded in agreement, his lips pursing. "good."

"yeah," he trailed off, his eyes glossing over for a moment as if lost in thought. you wished sometimes that you could see inside that head of his. you nudged his side after a while, mumbling a quiet hey, his eyes focusing back on you. he frowned. "what was the damage?"

you shrugged. "i think walker had a hearing--"

"no-- no--" he cut you off quickly, your mouth hanging open as he stopped you mid-sentence. "you. what's the extent of your injuries? how you feelin'?"

"oh," your eyebrows unknitted, shrugging again. "i--uh-- had a mild concussion. a few broken ribs and just a lot of bruising, some open wounds but it wasn't too bad considering i went up against a super soldier," you forced a smile, trying to ease some of the tension that bucky was creating with that frown on his face.

you moved your hand up to his face, cupping his cheek. your thumb grazed his cheek, and you remembered the gash across his face had healed since the last time you saw him. you gave him a genuine, soft smile in hopes of reassuring him. "i really am fine. sam says i just need to take it easy for a couple weeks."

he nodded faintly. he hovered his hand over yours, turning his cheek and pressing his lips to the palm of your hand. your eyelids fluttered feeling his lips touch your skin tenderly. made you realise just how much you had missed bucky since he'd been away. he squeezed your hand affectionately, his lips lingering on your skin.

your free hand quickly moved to your towel when it loosened around your chest, just catching it in time. bucky's eyes moved to your towel for a split second, like he was suddenly reminded that you were standing in front of him in practically nothing. his eyes remained soft as he looked at you though, he cleared his throat before moving his hand to your cheek, slipping his fingers into your wet hair gently.

"how're you healing?" he mumbled in a whisper.

you gulped, his eyes locked on yours as he spoke. your eyes darted back and forth between his. "bruises are still there but they're fading," you spoke softly now that he was close enough to you. you could feel his breath fanning against your skin. he nodded, biting the inside of his cheek as he tried to keep his eyes from drifting downwards. "wanna' see?"

his eyebrows twitched into a frown for only a second, unsure that he heard you correctly. "uh-- yeah," he breathed out, his breath grazing your skin. you untied the towel from round your chest, letting it fall to the floor beneath you with a soft thud.

bucky's jaw tightened. usually, quite happy to see you standing in front of him wearing absolutely nothing, he couldn't shift his eyes for a while from the enormous bruise covering your abdomen. his eyebrows unknitted, unsettled by the nasty bruise spread over your soft skin, his eyes shooting up to yours quickly.

"fuck walker," he muttered under his breath. "this is all from him?" you nodded faintly, eyes fluttering and your breath hitching in your throat when his fingers carefully brushed against the discoloured stretch of skin.

"it was a lot worse," you spoke in a hushed voice. "it's healed a lot."

bucky didn't speak for a while and neither did you, his eyes trailing over your body, unclothed facing him. after a moment, he got down onto his knees. you gulped, his head tilting back for a second, eyes meeting yours from beneath you. your breaths grew rapid the closer he got, his forehead gently falling against your bare stomach before pressing a soft kiss to the purple--green lesion covering your skin. you let out a shaky breath, shifting your arms so you could run your fingers through his hair. you still weren't used to the length.

"i love you," he mumbled against your skin. your hands stilled where they rested in his hair, moving to tilt his head back, forcing his eyes to meet yours again. he pressed another sweet kiss to your stomach before moving himself back up to your height. your eyes were wide slightly, your fingers slipping out from between his locks. both his hands moving to either side of your face now. "don't freak out on me, you don't have to say it back. 'just needed you to know what i was thinking."

"and you're thinking-- that you love me?" you reiterated. he nodded, the corner of his lips turning into a soft smile. you couldn't help but mimic his expression, your heart beating a bit harder now, the sound rushing through your ears. it had been a long time since someone had told you they loved you, and meant it. a warm feeling spread through your chest, you were on such a high, soaking in the way he was looking at you with tender eyes. "pretty sure i love you too, buck."

you were a hundred percent sure, you just didn't want to seem too keen. you were already standing in front of him naked.

his lips stretched into a wider smile, ducking his head for a second, remembering suddenly that you were in fact completely naked in front of him, and he hadn't done anything about it. you swallowed a small laugh escaping your lips, watching a realisation hit bucky before he ducked down to your height and pressed his lips against yours. you relished in the feeling. "i love you, i love you, i love you," he muttered repeatedly, his lips pushed against yours, your smile growing wider every time he said it. you choked out a laugh, pushing at bucky's chest so you could catch a breath.

"i get it," you scrunched up your nose. "you love me," you teased, laughing wholeheartedly. you felt warm and comforted and somewhat normal for the first time in a really long time. you nudged his chest once more, his hands gripping your hips to pull you back to him. "so show me."

bucky's smile grew with your words, his mouth hanging open for a second. he didn't know how things managed to work out this good for him, but he wasn't going to question it. he was going to enjoy every moment with you for as long as he could.

"oh, god," he let out a throaty wine. "gladly."

taglist: @lo-manburg @bluemoon-icecream @farfromjustordinary @stolenxkissess

[triptuckers]

Two Homes (part 5/7) - Nikolai Lantsov

Request: no Pairing:  Nikolai Lantsov x reader Summary:  even though you were determined to leave the palace as soon as you could, you now find yourself waking up in a luxurious room of the palace months later  Warnings: angst Word count:  4.7K..... yea A/N: for the sake of this series, nikolai never gave alina the lantsov emerald lol also this turned out longer than I planned it to be but do I regret it? maybe a bit not in the slightest, enjoy reading! :) (also I know I posted part 4 like yesterday but I want this one out there cause a lot happens & I want to post part 6 & 7 so bad) PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (two homes and/or all grishaverse fics): @godsofwriting@im-constantly-fangirling @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15@dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha @story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs @daliareads @meiitanoia @itsnotquimey (if your name is in bold it means I couldn't tag you) @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 add yourself to my tag lists here 

For someone who had dreaded going to Os Alta, you find yourself starting to actually like it. After pulling you aside, out of earshot of your father, Nikolai explained to you why he told your father he’d picked you as his bride.

When he told you it was to ensure he couldn’t control your life any longer, you got confused, asking him why he would do such thing. In response, he recalled the conversation you had at the gardens, when you told him your father had been controlling your entire life, and how people had made decisions for him his entire life as well. 

Nikolai merely said he thought you deserved to make your own choices for once. Even if it meant living at the palace, far away from Ketterdam.

You had agreed to stay at the palace. You knew you couldn’t go back to Ketterdam now. The news of Nikolai picking you as his bride would probably travel faster than you’d like to.

While you did like Nikolai, and you enjoyed the little time you had spent with him, you made it clear you still didn’t want to marry him. That a part of still longed for Ketterdam. 

Nikolai listened to you explaining your choices, and respected them. While both of you knew all eyes would be on you after announcing the engagement, you also knew you couldn’t push it back any further. Not after all the rumours. 

He did agree to wait with picking an actual wedding date, giving you enough time to get used to your new life. You had told him you had no intention of marrying him, but over time you found yourself thinking more and more about it.

You’re amazed by the palace, and the life you live now. Every day, you walk around the palace, finding new routes and rooms. You start to think you might never see all of it in one lifetime. And you visit the gardens as well. 

You keep the yellow flower Nikolai had given you next to the mirror in your room. But you’d never tell him that, he’d tease you endlessly about it. 

As more weeks pass by, you spend more time with Nikolai, as well as his triumvirate. He’d invited you to few of their meetings, telling you if you ever did get married, you’d have to attend them as well. And the sooner you got used to it, the better.

At first, it felt a little weird. You walk around with Nikolai and everyone knows you as his future bride. While it feels odd, Nikolai’s presence is a comforting one. And the more you get to know him, the more you actually start to like him. Maybe staying at the palace wouldn’t be so bad as you thought it would be.

He spends a lot of time getting to know you. You have long conversations about your life in Ketterdam and his time in the army. About both of your dreams for the future, and what you want to achieve. But you also talk about small and simple things such as your favourite dish, or a book you love. 

Most of the talks take place in the gardens or your room. You like getting to know the Nikolai beneath the mantle of king. You start to realise the two of you aren’t so different. If you had been born in a different city, you might have been childhood friends. 

On a particularly sunny spring morning, the two of you walk around the gardens again. Nikolai doesn’t even have to offer his arm to you, you already place your hand on it. After some time, you’ve slipped into an easy morning routine, which sometimes includes a walk through the gardens.

‘How long until the Summers Week blooms again?’ you ask him as you walk past the familiar bush.

Nikolai glances at the same bush. ‘Probably a couple of months.’ he says. ‘Why do you ask?’

‘I think they’re beautiful.’ you as the two of you sit down on the same bench you sat on so many months ago, when you had escaped the ball. ‘It really is a shame they only bloom for such a short period of time.’ 

‘Do you still have that one flower I gave you when we met?’ asks Nikolai.

You glare at him. You just know he’d never let you forget it if he knew you kept it. ‘Yes.’ you say. ‘I wouldn’t throw it away.’

And indeed, a smug look appears on Nikolai’s face. ‘I’m delighted you didn’t throw it away.’ he says. 

You playfully roll your eyes. ‘I expect a new one when they bloom again.’ you say.

‘I’ll make sure to give you one, sweetheart.’ he says with a smile. 

You feel your cheeks heat up at the mention of the nickname. He’d called you nicknames on more than one occasion. You still weren’t used to it. Maybe it had to do something with the fact that Nikolai seems to always look good.

You look at the bush again, getting lost in your thoughts. Nikolai seems to notice. After a while of silence, he speaks up.

‘What’s on your mind?’ he asks you.

You wonder when get got so good at reading your face. ‘I’ve been thinking about, well, all of this.’ you say, gesturing to the gardens and the palace behind you. 

Nikolai turns so he can properly look at you. ‘And?’ he says.

‘I have to admit, life at the grand palace isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And it has been nice not to have my father following me around all day long. I still miss Ketterdam, but maybe not as much as I used to.’ you say. 

You briefly look at Nikolai and notice a faint smile on his lips as he’s listening to you.

‘Plus, the company isn’t so bad.’ you say. ‘I know I made it clear I didn’t want this. But the time I've spent here has been very nice. Everyone is so kind, and I love the walks around the palace.’

‘What exactly are you saying, Y/N?’ says Nikolai, though the look on his face tells you he already knows. 

You take a deep breath. ‘I’m saying I’m willing to do this. I think I could be happy here. I’m willing to marry you. Even it it’s just for the sake of Ravka. I’d rather marry you than some old merchant back in Kerch.’ you say.

Nikolai smiles. ‘That’s good to hear.’ he says. ‘Was it my dashing smile or charming personality that made you decide to stay?’

‘Don’t get cocky now, Nikolai.’ you chuckle.

‘Sweetheart, have you actually met me? I’ll always be cocky.’ he says. 

You laugh and Nikolai reaches out to take one of your hands in his.

‘But on a more serious note, I really am glad you decided to stay. I didn’t lie when I said you’re nice company.’ he says. ‘And now I can finally give you this.’

He gets something out of his pocket and holds it in his closed fist.

‘Close your eyes.’ he says.

You slightly raise your eyebrows. ‘Really?’ you say. 

‘Really.’ says Nikolai, smirking at you.

You do as he says and close your eyes. You feel how Nikolai lifts your hand and slides something on your finger. You feel the weight of it on your finger and can tell what it is before Nikolai tells you to open your eyes.

A ring with a beautiful green emerald sits on your finger. Your lips part in surprise. He doesn’t even have to say it, you know this ring.

‘This is the Lantsov emerald.’ you say as you look at him.

‘It’s really just an emerald like any others.’ says Nikolai, looking at your hand which is still in his. ‘But that is what most people call it, yes.’

You admire the ring on your finger. ‘It’s beautiful.’ you say. When you look up, you see Nikolai looking at you with an odd expression on his face.

‘What is it?’ you say.

He simply smiles at you and shakes his head. ‘Nothing.’ he says. He gets up and offers you his arm again. ‘Shall we go back to the palace? It’s almost lunch time.’ 

You nod and get up as well but instead of laying your hand on his arm, you grab his hand and intertwine your fingers with his instead. The two of you walk back to the palace, and you try to ignore the way people look at your left hand, clearly eyeing the emerald ring. 

This would be yet another rumour that would spread impossibly fast. You had to write another letter to the Crow Club soon. You’d rather have your friends find out through you, than because of rumours. 

You’d been writing letters to the Crows since you decided you stay at the palace. You told them about your life at the palace, and in return they told you what was going on in Ketterdam. 

You loved receiving letters from them. They each took turns writing you, and all of them signed the letter. 

Once you had lunch, Nikolai got called away to another meeting, and you went to your room to write a letter to Ketterdam. As usual, you started off by asking them how they were doing, if any jobs went wrong, and a new prediction on how many card games Jesper had lost. 

You then wrote about finally accepting the fact you’d marry Nikolai. Despite the chances being low they could attend, you invited them to the wedding anyway. You told them you’d send them a formal invitation with the date as soon as you picked a date. 

And then the chaos started. Genya insisted on being in charge of the planning, and she also sketched you a few designs for your wedding dress. They were all equally stunning, and you couldn’t pick one. Eventually, Nikolai picked the one he thought would suit you best.

Zoya was in charge of putting together the guest list. When she asked you who you wanted to invite, you gave her the names of the Crows. She seemed a bit taken aback you’d invite them because after all, they were criminals. You hadn’t yet told her you’d been part of the Crows for many years as well.

When you looked at the list she was writing, you noticed your father’s name on it as well. He’d sent you many letters, which you ignored. You took the pen from Zoya’s hand and crossed his name off the list without a word. 

Time seemed to fly by at an alarmingly speed. Before you know it, you wake up on the morning of your wedding. Until this day, it seemed like a strange concept somehow. As if you couldn’t fully realise it. 

But when your eyes land on your wedding dress, you feel like for the first time, the realisation of what’s about to happen finally sinks in. You would marry Nikolai. You would take his name and you would become a queen. Of a country that’s not even your own.

A knock on your door catches you off guard and you call for them to come in. Genya enters, followed by a few servants. She’s beaming at you, clearly excited about today.

‘Are you ready?’ she says.

‘More like the most nervous I’ve ever been.’ you say.

Genya smiles at you as she sits down on the bed next to you. ‘I understand you’re nervous.’ she says. ‘But I promise you it’ll be alright. We’ll all be here right beside you. And it’s just one day.’

‘One day of ceremonies and traditions and then I’m a queen.’ you say, having an uneasy feeling in your stomach. 

‘Nikolai will be there by your side. And we will be there as well.’ says Genya. ‘Now let’s get you in that dress.’

She rises to her feet and motions for you to get up as well. You hesitate. 

‘Could you, um, go and get Nikolai?’ you ask her, avoiding her eyes. ‘I want to talk to him.’

‘Of course.’ she says and she immediately leaves the room. You get up and start to pace the room, ignoring the servants who are patiently waiting for you. It doesn’t take long for Genya to return with Nikolai. 

Nikolai smiles at you and asks the servants and Genya to leave the room, which they do. 

By the looks of it, Genya caught him while he was getting dressed. His hair is still messy and his shirt is hastily tucked into his pants. He walks up to you, looking at you.

‘What can I do for you?’ he says. 

‘I’m nervous.’ you say.

‘If it helps, I’m nervous too.’ he says.

‘But you always manage to hide it behind a curtain of flirty comments and confidence.’ you say. ‘I wish I could do that.’

‘Y/N, just because I always know what to say, doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous.’ says Nikolai.

He reaches out to take your hand in his and walks you back to your bed, where you sit down. 

‘Listen, it’s completely normal to be nervous. It’s a big day. A lot of important people are going to be present. But I want you to be okay with this, so do you still want to do this?’ he says.

You look at him and frown. ‘Yes, of course!’ you say. ‘We’re not going to cancel this whole thing because I’m nervous. I just hope I won’t throw up because of the nerves.’

Nikolai chuckles. ‘I’m sure you’ll be fine.’ he says. ‘If it makes you feel better, we could practice.’ 

You frown again. ‘Practice what? I know how weddings work, Nikolai.’ you say. 

‘It wasn’t the entire wedding I was talking about.’ says Nikolai. 

You look at him, waiting for him to continue. He looks at your lips instead. 

‘Oh.’ you say softly. That was what he meant. 

Nikolai slowly inches closer to you, leaning in. His eyes switch from your lips to your eyes, silently asking permission. You give the barest of nods and Nikolai closes the remaining space between you, softly pressing his lips against yours. 

You close your eyes and focus on the feeling of his lips on yours. All of the nerves seem to leave your body as you easy into him. When he pulls away, your faces are still close to each other.

‘Well if that’s what you call practicing, I wonder what the real thing is going to do to top that.’ you say.

Nikolai laughs at your words. ‘You’re getting better at your comebacks with every passing day, sweetheart.’ he says.

‘I learn from the best.’ you say, smiling at him.

‘Are you ready for this?’ says Nikolai.

‘I am now.’ you say with a hint of newfound confidence. 

Nikolai nods and gets up. ‘I’ll call Genya back.’ he says.

You get up as well and walk with him to the door. Before opening it, Nikolai takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to your knuckles. With a wink, he opens the door and steps out into the hallway.

Once Genya and the servants enter, she immediately drags you over and pushes you into a chair to do your hair.

‘You don’t seem nervous anymore.’ she says. 

‘I’m not.’ you say. ‘Nikola and I, uh, talked about it.’ you say, unable to stop your cheeks from turning red. 

Genya smiles knowingly at you. ‘I’m sure it was a good talk then.’ she says, emphasising the word “talk”. 

‘It was.’ you say, avoiding her eyes.

The smile never leaves Genya’s face as she finishes with doing your hair. The servants help you to get in the dress, and you finally look at yourself in the mirror. Genya had really outdone herself with the dress. It looks beautiful on you, as if it was meant to be.

You turn to look at her. ‘Thank you.’ you say. ‘Truly. It’s perfect.’ 

‘Don’t thank me. Nikolai is the one who picked the dress.’ she says. ‘Are you ready to go?’

You take a deep breath and nod. Genya links her arm through yours and you start walking toward the small chapel on the palace grounds. The guests had already arrived and were gathered inside. You can hear them talking and chatting excitedly even outside the chapel.

Genya hugs you tightly and disappears inside the chapel. After a few deep breaths to calm yourself again, you firmly plant your feet on the ground. No going back now. 

The doors to the chapel open and you watch as the guests all rise. A last deep breath, and you start walking. Were there really this many people on the list Zoya had put together?

You start to feel nervous again, but then you see Nikolai looking at you. He’s smiling brightly, and looks very handsome. You remember the feeling of his lips on yours, and find your confidence once more. 

You slowly walk down the aisle, smiling as well, and your eyes are fixed on Nikolai. When you finally make it to the front of the chapel, Nikolai smiles as you stop walking. 

‘Still nervous?’ he whispers softly, so only you can hear it. 

‘Not anymore, thanks to you.’ you whisper back. 

You take a quick look at the crowd. You only recognise the people that lived at the palace as well. Thankfully, you don’t see your father in the crowd. But your heart sinks as you don’t spot your Crows either. They didn’t come. 

You had invited them. Maybe they feared being captured if they risked coming to Os Alta? Whatever their reason was, you’re sure it was a good one. You’d send them a letter after the wedding, asking them if maybe an important job had come up. But still, it hurt a little they wouldn’t attend your wedding. 

The wedding itself seems to last minutes. You’re only focused on Nikolai. He holds your hand and you’re grateful he does. It helps keep you grounded. You had expected the wedding to be grand because after all, it is a royal one. But once you leave the chapel, hand in hand with Nikolai, you realise it turned out to be even better than you expected. 

The two of you are silent as you walk through the halls of the palace. You see the door to your room in the distance, but Nikolai walks right past it. When you raise your eyebrows in question at him, he points at the door to his room in the distance.

‘They’d expect us to share a room. It’d be a bit weird if we got married but sleep in separate rooms.’ he says. ‘Don’t worry, the bed is large enough to fit both of us without having to cuddle close. Not that I would mind if you did.’

You chuckle at his words as he opens the door to his room. You’re thankful to be away from all the guests. You appreciated that they all came to attend the wedding, but you got tired of listening to their congratulations over and over again. 

Once the door closes behind you, you immediately bend down to take off your heels. You watch as Nikolai shrugs off his suit jacket and runs a hand through his hair. 

‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’ he says. 

‘It wasn’t bad at all.’ you say. 

Nikolai studies your face. ‘But there’s something on your mind.’ he says.

‘I just...’ your voice trails off as you try to find the best way to voice your thoughts. Nikolai takes your hand and pulls you down to sit on the bed with him. 

‘I thought they would come.’ you say softly. ‘I invited them, and I know I haven’t seen them in a while, but I thought they’d at least come to my wedding. I spent years with them.’ 

‘Maybe something else got in the way? Maybe something came up and they simply couldn’t make it?’ suggest Nikolai.

You shake your head. ‘Even if Kaz would plan a job, Jesper and Nina would burn down all of Ketterdam if a job prevented them from attending my wedding.’ you say. ‘I can’t think of a single reason why they wouldn’t come. I thought I meant more to them.’ 

‘What if you write them another letter? I’m sure if you just ask them, they’ll explain why they couldn’t be there.’ says Nikolai.

‘I was going to write them about it anyway.’ you say. ‘But first I want to change. As beautiful as this dress is, it’s incredibly heavy.’

‘I had a servant move some of your belongings here already.’ says Nikolai. ‘A part of the closet is now yours.’

‘Thank you.’ you say and you walk over to the closet, opening it. You pick one of your comfortable dresses and go to the bathroom to change. When you get back, you see Nikolai hasn’t changed yet. You didn't mind. He really looked good in a formal suit. 

You move to sit behind Nikolai’s desk to write a letter to Ketterdam. You try to sound polite, but a part of you wants to just write what you’re actually thinking. But the Crows mean the world to you, and you don’t want to hurt them or piss them off. 

Once you finish the letter, you seal it and hand it to a servant, telling them it’s urgent. 

When you get back to the room, you find Nikolai sitting at his desk, fidgeting with something in his hands. Curiously, you walk over to him. 

‘What are you doing?’ you say.

Nikolai looks up and holds out his hand to you. On his palm is a small boat, made out of a piece of rope. You carefully take it from his hand to examine it.

‘How did you learn how to make this?’ you as him.

He shrugs. ‘A lot of practicing.’ he says. 

You smile and hand the little boat back to him. ‘It’s nice.’ you say. ‘Could you teach me how to make one?’

Nikolai nods and pulls out a second chair for you. He spends the rest of the evening trying to teach you how to make a boat out of a piece of rope. While his fingers move smoothly and create the boats with ease, you struggle with it. After all, he had probably done it for many years, whereas you’re only trying it out for the first time. 

When you successfully finish your first boat, you decide to call it a night and go to sleep. Nikolai hadn’t been lying; the bed was big enough to fit the both of you comfortably without invading each other’s personal space. 

Your usual routines don’t change much. Except for the fact you know share a room and a bed. And you notice there are more lingering glances between the two of you. 

Like Nikolai had said, you’re expected to attend important meetings as well. You try to listen to it, but sometimes the meetings just aren’t interesting in your eyes. Luckily you always sit next to Nikolai, who is able to nudge your leg with his boot if he thinks you’re starting to zone out.

You have breakfast together every morning, expect for the mornings when Nikolai isn’t at the palace. You practice making boats out of rope, and you’re improving. Nikolai’s still turn out better than yours, but you’re getting there.

Every day, you ask if there’s mail for you. But somehow the Crows don’t send letters as frequently as they used to. And they had never given you a proper explanation as to why they didn’t attend your wedding. 

Most of the times when you’re lost in thought, you’re thinking about Ketterdam. You hadn’t been there in months, not since the ball. It’s as if the longer you stay at the palace, the more you miss Ketterdam. 

The city had always felt like home. And no matter how much you like spending time at the palace with Nikolai, you can’t help but to feel guilty for being away from Ketterdam for so long. You miss the city, and you miss your Crows.

Nikolai must have noticed something is bothering you, but you dodge his questions. You try to come up with excuses, but eventually, he pulls you aside and stands in front of the door, preventing you from slipping away.

‘Out with it.’ he says. ‘What is going on?’

You look at him, not sure what to say. 

‘Is it our marriage? Do you regret it? Is that why you’re avoiding talking with me?’ says Nikolai.

‘Of course not!’ you quickly say. ‘Nikolai, I do not regret our marriage. I happen like you a lot.’

‘Then what is it?’ says Nikolai. ‘You’re not yourself and I can tell something is bothering you. Let me help you.’

‘I don’t know where to start.’ you say softly, lowering your head and looking at your feet. It all seemed so childish now. 

‘I miss Ketterdam.’ you say softly. You feel tears burning behind your eyes. ‘I miss the harbour, and the tourists flooding the docks. I miss playing card games with Jesper, and going out with Nina. I miss talking with Inej and going over Kaz’ plans with him. I even miss reading to Wylan and trying to win a drinking contest from Matthias. I miss the Crow Club, and their laughter. I miss all of it.’ 

You see how Nikolai’s feet step closer to you and his hands cup your face, tilting it upward so you look at him. He brushes a tear away with his thumb.

‘It’s alright to miss Ketterdam.’ he says. ‘You left everything behind, I understand it if you miss it. It’s been your home for so long.’

‘But this is my home now.’ you say, your voice trembling slightly. ‘Here in Os Alta, with you. I shouldn’t long to go back to Ketterdam as much as I do.’

Nikolai smiles at you, but there’s a hint of sadness in his eyes. ‘I told you a long time ago I won’t let anyone else control the choices you make in life, sweetheart. If you want to go to Ketterdam, I think you should go.’ he says.

You stare up at him, letting his words sink in. ‘But I’m your wife. You’d let me go just like that?’ you say.

‘You are indeed my wife. But I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. If you think you’re happier in Ketterdam than you are at the palace, then you should go. Go and be happy.’ he says. 

‘But I'm happy with you too.’ you say. ‘I just miss my home, that’s all.’

He smiles again. ‘Then you should go home. This is not goodbye forever, you know.’ he says. 

‘Not goodbye forever.’ you say, repeating his words. 

You stand on your toes and lean up to kiss him. Nikolai pulls you closer and you wrap your arms around his waist in response. When you pull back, he rests his forehead against yours.

‘Go.’ he says softly. ‘Go to your Ketterdam, go to your Crows. I’m sure they’d love to see you again.’

You nod and pull yourself out of his embrace. Nikolai watches you as you quickly pack a bag with some essentials. You can’t bear to look at him again as you walk past him, out of the room.

You didn’t know Nikolai followed you from a distance, to see you off. As soon as you got on a horse and left the gates, he stands at the top of the stairs that lead to the entrance of the palace. 

He watches you as you become a smaller and smaller dot on the horizon. The triumvirate, who had seen the two of you leave, joins him on the steps, wondering what Nikolai is looking at.

‘Was that Y/N? says Zoya. ‘Where is she going?’

‘Back to Ketterdam.’ says Nikolai.

Zoya turns to Nikolai. ‘You let her go?’ she says. ‘Saints, Nikolai, why did you let her go?’

Nikolai doesn’t say anything and continues to look at the horizon. Genya is studying Nikolai’s face as he looks at you in the distance. Her lips part in surprise, but her eyes are sad.

‘Because he loves her.’ says Genya.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit