#that was a joke I’m known as the autistic lesbian at school probably

[the-enby-jedi]

damn I really just might’ve convinced my art teacher to check out the Ahsoka series because of Wolfwren

[strawbrygashez]

Caldre YURI hcs!!!

These r some hcs for yuri/girl versions of cal & andre,,. I’ll call Andre, Avery and Cal, Callie :)

I’ll start of with some gereral hcs of them both

Avery

•This girl is the perfect example of the tall, awkward, and autistic lesbian trope.

•She dresses basically the same as Andre does. She never really does anything fancy with her hair besides a quick pony tail or letting Callie braid it. She doesn’t wear makeup either because she doesn’t care for it on herself and she just thinks it takes too long. Her mom bugs the crap out of her sometimes asking her to try wearing more ‘feminine’ clothing. Like her mom will buy her a sundress or something even tho she should know that Avery is just gonna toss it somewhere in her closet to never be seen again or give it away to Callie.

•Speaking of makeup, I feel like Avery would have acne like Andre. And she gets picked on for it but as I said, she still doesn’t try makeup to cover it up. Especially probably because her skin is already sensitive enough as it is. So she just rolls with it. (Not saying the bullying doesn’t get to her tho)

•She has soooo many band posters around her room of female bands/singers like Hole, Kittie, Garbage, Otep, No Doubt, Evanescence, Jack Off Jill,& L7 for example.

•Doesn’t deny that she’s gay to herself as much as Andre does. Shes known she’s hated guys for as long as she can remember. She thinks they are just loud, dumb, annoying, and gross. She tried going out with a guy once in like middle school, and it only lasted about half a month. She was too uncomfortable with him & doing things like holding hands.

•has a ‘resting bitch face’ all the time. The only time she doesn’t look ready to rip someone’s head off is when Callie is talking to her.

•She’d be a riot grrrl. If you’ve seen the documentary ‘Dirty Girls’ she reminds me a lot of it.

Even tho I think she’s a total feminist, she’s kinda contradicts herself often. Like when she argues with Callie, she’ll tell her to go fuck off and join the braindead, blonde sluts on the cheerleading team :/ And she just makes fun of popular girls in general, even the ones who are nice because she’s insecure about herself. If a pretty popular girl who’s never said anything mean to her started to talk to her, she’d be blushing and anxious tho.. she’s just a big ol’ mess.

•Steals magazines that are like full of chicks in swim suits. She hides them under her bed. Her mom accidentally found one once and later that night, Avery took all of the ones she owned and burnt them all in a small fire outside💀 she restarted her collection tho at some point when the embarrassment died down.

•Even tho her mom goes on and jokes about her finding a nice boyfriend, it’s pretty obvious to everyone she’s a lesbian. Her room doesn’t help, the magazine she had, the way she never seems interested in male celebrities and actors, the way she ignores guys, it just all adds up.

Callie

•Avery calls her Barbie because of the blonde hair and thin body. But she also goes by Cal :)

•You can really tell how artsy she is by the way she dresses. I guess the best way to describe it is like grunge fairy core. Lots of lacy things, light greens and browns, flowy skirts, lots of jewelry, and etc. She also draws on her hands a lot in permanent marker. She’ll draw ‘tattoos’ on Avery too if she asks.

•I feel like female Cal would be pretty popular? But not like, popular popular. Just like loser/weird girl popular because she’s so pretty. Like I’m sure annoying guys try to get with her but she always comes across not interested at all. She’s happy with just Avery and Rachel.

•Just like canon Cal, everyone thinks she’s super innocent and can’t do any wrong because of the way she looks. But she’s just like canon Cal. Manic episodes, depression, and all. She hides it even better than canon Cal does because yknow, no one expects such an innocent, sweet looking girl to hold the kinda thoughts she does at all.

• Cuts and has body issues.

•Loves when Avery lets her give her makeovers. Not because she thinks she needs it at all, and she will tell her that, but because she just likes putting together outfits and looks! She paints her nails sometimes too so they match :)

•I think if she wasn’t so depressed to where she saw no future for herself, she’d maybe look into a job that has to do with fashion or writing. Something artsy.

YURI CALDRE TIME :)

•They both find each other so beautiful and interesting. Callie feels so safe and truly seen with Avery and Avery is so greatful for Callie because she was so lonely before.

•Initially, I think Avery was a bit intimated by Callie though because all she knew was she was really pretty and blonde so she was like ‘ugh. Another cheerleader 🙄’ in her mind but when Callie actually spoke to her, and Avery found out she’s really cool and they relate a lot, she kinda fell head over heels quickly.

•They both HATE Brad because he makes jokes about how they should kiss in front of him because it would be hot 😐 Or how Callie or Avery should stop hanging out with each other and hang out with him instead. Hes a total douchebag.

•Callie honestly has no doubt Avery is into girls because of multiple reasons but she won’t say anything really about it. When she does want to drop hints that she’s into chicks too, she’ll say stuff about how a girl lead singer is hot. Avery is kinda clueless tho so she’ll just be like “oh haha. Yeah I guess anyone would find that singer hot” to herself. Smh. They’ll even joke argue one time about who would get to be Courtney Loves groupie if she said only one of them could be and it will just go over Averies head.

•Callie has caught Avery looking at her putting on lipstick a bit too intensely once or twice. She thinks it’s cute :) I think once maybe she’s even kissed her cheek so it would leave a kiss mark. Avery of course got all red and said it was gross and how she had to go wash it off now and blah blah blah but probably had to actually fight for her hand to move to wash it off in the sink later.. cuz she saw herself in the mirror and went 😳

•They also joke around by pretending to be guys who are flirting with them with each other. Like Callie will put her arm around Avery in the car while they are parked somewhere and will try to copy Brads voice and say “Hey baby. It’s just me and you now. Am I gonna get lucky tonight?” They both find it amusing to laugh over guys.

•Avery uses cheap shots when they are play fighting. She punches Callie in the b00b because she’s flat anyways. Callie threatens to use her long nails to scratch out Averie’s eyeballs.

•Avery sent Callie the music video to All the things she said by TATU once but thought Callie didn’t get the point of sending it.. because Callie didn’t say anything about how it was gay 😔 she just said it was a nice song.

Also Avery cries to that song a lot.

•They would have been less pathetic than Cal & Andre and would have actually fr kissed before they did what they did.

•Callie loves listening to Avery rant. Especially about how she hates everyone and how unfair life is lol.

•Callie steals Averie’s band shirts. It first started at a sleepover where Callie’s shirt got ruined so Avery offered her a Kittie one. Once Avery saw her and how she looks exactly like a girlfriend a rockstar guy would have, she knew she was even more done for.

•I think if Callie thought Avery had a specific type, based off the pictures she has up on her wall of women and whatnot, she’d lowkey try to make herself look a little more like that type. Like if she thought Avery likes gothy looking makeup and clothes, she’d try more looks like that. She wouldn’t totally change her style but she’d play around with stuff that she thinks Avery would like.

•If they got together, I think Avery would open up more about how she feels ugly or uncomfortable with how she looks. It breaks Callie’s heart even though she could already tell Avery was not very confident in herself sometimes. she’ll go on about how Avery is absolutely gorgeous to her and she’d share how she has her own body issues too and Avery would be like “??? What? What the fuck? You’re literally perfect. What are you talking about.” And Callie would tell her she feels exactly the same when she hears Avery say that kinda stuff about herself.

•Avery definitely thinks Rachel is out to steal Callie from her. She knows Callie could easily fit in with the ‘normal’ crowd if she wanted with Rachel so she’s always worried she’ll get persuaded into leaving Avery behind. It takes a good amount of deep conversations before Avery can calm down about it and believe Callie won’t leave her.

[notquiteaghost]

there isn't enough nonbinary jon sims content, here is... well i started writing this as headcanons but this is really a not!fic about nonbinary jon sims. it’s 3′300 words

it contains: nonbinary trans masc autistic jon, jongeorgie, lesbian georgie, trans guy martin & tim, trans woman sasha, team archives trans solidarity, and not-insignificant amount of internalised transphobia and references to misgendering & general cis people bullshit

(also ftr i am heavily basing jon's experiences here as a nonbinary autistic person on my own experiences as a nonbinary autistic person) (this is like 80% projection) (what else is fandom for!)

also on AO3 if you prefer your 3k of bullet points to have better spacing

tiny baby [jon] who knows she isn't very good at being a girl but doesn't have the words to articulate why

her grandmother thinks kids clothes should be durable and practical so even tho jon is not a kid who climbs trees or plays football, her wardrobe is exclusively straight jeans & 'boys' t-shirts & large jumpers

she keeps her hair roughly shoulder length because that's the length it's always been but strangers still 'mistake' her for a boy a lot. this makes her feel a way she again hasn't got the words for

when she starts secondary school she continues to dress 'masc', never starts wearing makeup, never gets any interest in dating, generally fills out the checklist for everyone else assuming she's a lesbian

she knows she's definitely not a straight girl, so she shrugs and decides sure, she's a lesbian. it's a moot point, mostly, seeing as even if she did have any interest in dating she's the only gay person her age she knows

but she does get involved in some community support stuff – she spends a lot of time in the library as a teenager, and one of the librarians is a lesbian who takes jon under her wing a bit

coffee mornings and book clubs and things like that. sixteen year old jon and a dozen queer women all in their late twenties at the youngest. they joke a lot how often they forget jon isn't also a thirty-something

(this is that autism feel of having no interest in your peers but getting on great with adults)

and then she goes to uni, and then she meets georgie

georgie is a Very Out lesbian. she goes to clubs, she's heavily involved in the lgbt society, she has a rainbow flag hanging in her bedroom window. yknow.

jon likes her a lot, and still isn't really sure if it's romantic or not, but assumes that's more due to being gay than anything else

(no one has told jon about asexuality yet)

so when, one night when they're meant to be studying in georgie's room but instead are mostly drinking shit cheap wine and complaining about their professors, georgie looks at jon with this soft look on her face and asks to kiss her, jon says yes

and then they date

they're both living in one of those massive student houses with a thousand bedrooms crammed everywhere and only a kitchen for a communal space. georgie has lived there since coming back to finish first year, and jon moved in halfway through second year after a somewhat disastrous flatmate situation

so after they graduate, moving in together seems like the natural progression of things even tho they’ve only been dating for two months

jon is still, when asked, identifying as a lesbian and using she/her, but is also still dressing what other people now call butch. she always feels kind of weird about that term, but again, just chalks it up to the mess of complicated feelings being a gnc lesbian does genuinely involve

and then, finally, jon meets some actual trans people

jon has, circumstantially, known trans people. thanks to georgie, jon goes to a lot of lgbt soc things, and is passingly familiar with most of the lgbt people on their campus

but there’s a big difference between nodding at someone when you see them in the library and having an actual, proper conversation about gender

so, jon goes to a lot of social events because georgie does. without georgie, jon would probably not leave the house except to go to work and to the library (jon is not doing postgrad. jon’s library habits do not particularly reflect this)

mostly at these events, jon sits in the corner and reads, and only talks to other quiet antisocial people, while georgie circles back periodically to report on her social butterfly escapades

and at one, one of the other quiet antisocial people is a trans guy

he’s called harry, and he asks about the book jon is reading, and after they’ve been talking a while he says, “sorry, you probably get this a lot, but what pronouns do you use?”

jon just blinks at him and says “what”

“well, i’m trans, so i’m always really cautious about assuming,” harry says, easily, and this does not answer the question jon was asking

jon.exe has crashed

she(?) eventually says, “uh. she? i’ve never– she”

and harry, who has spent the last forty minutes discussing dante with jon and is already sure they’re going to be friends, says “want the trans 101? you’re making a face like you need it”

three hours later georgie finally reappears with the intent to actually interrupt (she’s drifted past periodically, but jon was always deep in conversation with harry, so she left them alone) and get going, and jon gets harry’s email address and is then very quiet as they walk arm-in-arm back to their house

just as they turn onto their street, jon says, “i, ah. i think i might be trans?”

georgie, who has for the past couple months been having something of a crisis after realising she definitely loves jon but she isn’t in love and she can’t figure out why, says “oh thank god”

jon, very bemused, “that wasn’t the reaction i was expecting”

“i think we should break up,” georgie replies, and jon stops walking. they’re four feet from their front door, but it’s late, no one’s about, so georgie decides sure, they can have this conversation in the street

“you– because i’m trans?”

“i love you, i really do,” georgie steps closer, takes jon’s hands in hers, “but i’m not in love with you. and it was driving me crazy trying to figure out why, but if you’re not a girl–”

“i can’t tell if i should be offended by this or not,” jon says, somewhat dazed, “i’ve been trans for an hour, georgie, i don’t know if this is transphobic yet”

georgie laughs, and presses a kiss to jon’s cheek, and says “it’s nearly midnight, we both have work tomorrow, let’s table this for later. we can look up names and what word i should use when i complain to other people how you always leave your shoes in the middle of the floor when we aren’t both on the verge of passing out”

and that sounds reasonable, so jon nods, and kisses georgie on the mouth, and then they go inside

the next day jon stops by the library on the way home from work and checks out almost every baby names book they have. georgie comes home and he’s sat at the kitchen table making a spreadsheet

“you don’t have to make it this complicated, you know,” she says, hooking her chin over his shoulder to read what he’s already got. the spreadsheet has a lot of columns.

“it’s my name,” he retorts, and she hums agreeably, then points to ‘jonathan’, which has relatively few ticks in any pro columns (god, this nerd), and says, “isn’t that your grandfather’s name?”

it is. he doesn’t talk about his grandfather a lot – doesn’t talk about his family a lot full stop, but she knows, even though he died when jon was still a toddler, the stories his grandmother told had a significant impact

“my parents didn’t name me after anyone,” jon says, quietly

georgie nods. she doesn’t say they’re not here now to offer an opinion, because that’s far harsher than jon deserves to hear, and it’s not like she ever needs to remind him of it either. he’s definitely already beating himself up for taking so long to come to this realisation there’s no one left around to tell him how they’d have reacted

“i think it suits you,” she says instead, and jon nods, and then she moves away to make a pot of tea and some pasta (it’s technically jon’s night to cook, but she was anticipating coming home to find him already hyperfocused beyond the point of no return)

a week later, jon looks up from the spreadsheet to where georgie is curled up on the sofa reading and says “ugh, fine, you win, you were right”

(georgie hadn’t pressed her point any further, jon is just like that)

“jon?” she asks, and he makes an exasperated noise and nods, then closes his laptop dramatically and stands. most of his spine pops when he stretches

“this calls for celebration” georgie says, also standing, “franco’s or monsoon?”

“franco’s. i’m going to eat a pizza the size of a car”

so then jon is actually going by jon, and using he/him, and isn’t dating georgie anymore but is still living with her and spending most of his time with her and factoring her into all his major decisions

he talks to harry, and other (binary) trans people, and reads a lot of blogs, and after a few months gets a referral to charing cross gic

by the time he starts at the magnus institute, he’s had top surgery and has been on T for years, and passes as cis completely, and he doesn’t know how to articulate it but this is. bothering him.

he’s not exactly… he likes being stealth, he doesn’t need to flaunt his personal life. he can understand the impulse, but he doesn’t share it. his feelings about gender and romance are no one’s business but his own

but. everyone assuming he was a girl itched – being miss simms, georgie’s girlfriend, she, it felt like wearing a coarse knitted jumper. it was exhausting

and, for a while, everyone assuming he was a man was a relief. it didn’t make his skin crawl, it didn’t make him want to scream, it was nice. it felt good.

it didn’t feel right. but it didn’t feel bad, either, and jon has never been gendered in a way that felt right. he thought that was just part of being trans

except. he moves to london, and he starts at the magnus institute, and he wears shirts and slacks, and the long skirts and patterned dresses some of his colleagues wear keep catching his eye the way men in three-piece suits used to, and that terrifies him

he was lucky, in a way, having no family left to care when he transitioned – if anyone reacted negatively, he could just cut them out of his life, and his social circle was already queer enough that was hardly necessary

but that doesn’t mean he escaped internalising a whole swathe of shit about what being trans should mean and how he should act and what he should want and if he wants to wear skirts then is he even a man? was he making it up all along after all?

naturally, he deals with this by ignoring it. he’s a man, men don’t wear skirts, he doesn’t wear skirts, that’s that.

he manages to keep that up until he’s made head archivist, and he’s given three assistants who are all also trans

(he doesn’t know if elias did it on purpose. elias knows he’s trans, of course, because he’s never bothered to get the name on his diploma changed, but the way elias reacted lead jon to assume elias may also be trans. and if that’s true, then selecting only trans people for the archives staff feels like a kindness more than anything)

and, the thing about them all being trans, is even if jon and martin are both rather fond of being stealth, and sasha and tim aren’t used to being out at work, and none of them are exactly friends, they’re the only people who ever come in the archives, so the archives very quickly becomes the Safe Trans Zone

they all vent a lot about cis people. sasha will walk in and the first words out her mouth will be “the next person to ask me if i’d had the surgery is getting their own surgery when i cut their tongues out”, and tim will make a commiserating noise and offer her the pack of donuts martin brought in

so when, on one of the rare afternoons when jon leaves his office to lean against tim’s desk and brainstorm organisational system ideas, martin walks back from the break room upstairs with a scowl and says, bitterly, as he sits back down, “oh so when cis guys wear nail polish it’s inspiring and breaking down gender roles but when i wear nail polish, jenny from HR gets to side eye me and ask if that means i changed my mind, because surely i’m the one who’ll do that and not all the men who didn’t have to do hours of therapy to establish they are definitely, one hundred percent for sure a guy!”

tim and sasha both make the standard commiseration noises, and sasha says something about the supervisor at her last job trying to say it wasn’t appropriate for her to wear trousers, and jon stops listening and runs away moves back to his office

he hadn’t noticed martin is wearing nail polish, is the thing. or, he had noticed it, but he hadn’t thought about it, and now he’s thinking about it. he’s thinking about it a lot

martin had– martin is a guy. martin is definitely a guy, if something of a feminine-leaning gay guy, the kind of feminine-leaning no one ever questions in cis guys, and it hadn’t occurred to jon to question martin, either, even though he’s trans, and. and.

he’s still circling round a revelation he can’t quite make himself have an hour or so later, when martin sticks his head round the door

“you, uh. you alright?” martin asks, incredibly tentatively. it says a lot, jon thinks, about how nice martin is, that he’s asking even though there’s a 90% chance jon will tell him to fuck off “you kind of disappeared abruptly, earlier. i didn’t upset you, did i?”

jon stares at him for a long moment, then says, “can i see your nail polish?”

“oh!” martin’s cheeks flush, just slightly, as he steps inside the office and lets the door shut behind him “uh, yeah, of course. it’s a little chipped, now, but, yeah”

martin’s nail polish is a light, pastel blue. it’s neat, and even, though his nails aren’t that long, and jon thinks he remembers martin saying something about mostly painting his nails to try and get himself to stop biting them. jon’s never really gone for nail polish, but it’s. nice.

“it’s, uh. it’s a good colour, on you,” he says awkwardly. martin flushes even more

“oh, um, thanks? did– are you alright?”

if jon was a different kind of person, this is where he’d open up to martin, and this would be the beginning of them becoming actual friends

jon is jon, though, so he just shoves all his emotions back in the box they escaped from, nods, and says “i didn’t sleep that well, is all. not really up to socialising”

(an aside about s1 jonmartin dynamic: jon is very good at shittalking martin when martin isn’t around, but in the face of martin’s genuine care and concern, he defaults back to a far more friendlier tone than he’s aiming for. he knows, on a level, that he and martin could be good friends if he ever got his shit together, but that is something else he’s currently repressing. he doesn’t need friends! he isn’t desperate for social contact at all! what’s loneliness!)

martin says “ah, okay, i’ll just– i’ll leave you alone, then”, and then jon makes himself focus on work, and then when he gets home he opens the group chat he’s still, thankfully, in with the trans people who got him through his first gender crisis and sends ‘help i don’t know if i’m a guy after all’

three people immediately send back a link to nonbinary.org

and that’s the rest of jon’s evening

he reads through every article. he reads several articles multiple times. he opens several new tabs, and gets a notepad to make a list of books, and eventually remembers to reply in the group chat

a week later, he bites the bullet and writes an email to georgie

nothing long, just, they still tell each other about big life events

and then, another couple weeks after that, when martin brings him tea, he says, “ah, martin, could i– do you have a moment?”

“of course,” martin says, and lets the door swing closed again, “what do you need?”

“i, ah. this isn’t very professional, so, you don’t– you are perfectly welcome to say no, of course, but i. um. would you– come clothes shopping with me?”

(ideally, jon would have asked georgie, but as much as he loves her (still), they haven’t talked properly in years, and she is cis. the best cis person he knows, but still a cis person. and he’d just, rather have a trans person, for emotional support, and no one in the group chat lives particularly nearby anymore) (or, well, some of them are, but when he asked they all told him to get over himself and ask one of his ‘lovely’ coworkers)

(why does he ask martin and not sasha?) (well, dear reader, he is nursing the beginnings of a crush) (not that he knows it. but that’s absolutely what’s happening here. martin is sweet and lovely and jon definitely finds him annoying and overbearing. yes. nothing else. no other emotions.) (his chest feels all weird when martin smiles because he doesn’t like him. that always happens around people he dislikes.)

“oh!” martin says, surprised. “uh, yes, of course, is– is there an event or something…?”

jon takes a moment to stare at the wall above martin’s head before he makes himself say, “i. am non-binary, and i need– different clothes.”

“oh, god, have we been–”

“no, no, this is a, a very recent development. he is still fine,” jon says, quickly, then pauses, then adds, more haltingly, “i think. i might, if – they, as well, maybe? just, to see”

“of course. d’you want me to tell tim and sasha?”

martin, jon thinks, is maybe not all that bad “yes, please”

“cool,” martin smiles, “i’m free this weekend? for shopping?”

“this saturday would be good, yes”

and then jon and martin go shopping! it’s probably not that successful of a shopping trip, because it takes jon like four shops before they admit what exactly it is they’re looking for, but they go to several charity shops and have fun trying to one-up each other with the most ridiculous/inexplicable item of clothing, and at the end of the day jon has three skirts (a knee-length black a-line skirt, a full-length black skirt, and a full-length black skirt patterned with red flowers), two necklaces, and a skater dress they probably can’t get away with wearing to work, but they really liked the way the skirt moved when they spun

other things that happen include lunch at a cafe where the staff definitely think they’re on a date and only martin notices and also martin is dying, both of them only managing to walk past a secondhand bookshop twice before they cave and go inside, and then emerge half an hour later both holding three books (two poetry anthologies and a sci fi novel; a psychology book and two history books), and martin somehow talking jon into trying on skinny jeans and then, again, leaving this mortal coil

jon doesn’t buy the skinny jeans, which is for the best really

the first time jon wears one of the skirts to work, sasha does a victory lap around the archives because “hell yes skirts are so much more comfortable, and now you swish! tim you should get a skirt. skirts for archives uniform”

and jon is still a prickly antisocial bastard but now he’s an outly nonbinary prickly antisocial bastard, and sometimes they walk into the archives at 2PM smelling of tobacco and holding a bottle of vodka, and then the archives staff all do shots and dramatic readings of the most ridiculous fake statements, because sometimes that’s how you cope with cis people, and that’s! valid!

[galaxylohnce]

VUD paladin headcanons!!!!

BTW this is based off of @voltronuniversaldefender ‘s reboot!!! CHECK THEM OUT THEYRE DOING GOD’S WORK

also i have read approx 2 headcanons and baRELY understand this AU so if there are similarities to anyone else or inconsistencies iT IS AN ACCIDENT AND IM SORRY

anyway this is just about the 4 confirmed paladins BET ill be doing more about Fa’rah/Takashi/Zahi/Ashanti once i know a bit more about their roles in the team!!

Alvaro Garcia Valladares

he has a twin. i don't make the rules, but he has a twin.

he has a big family. the biggest family. we’re talking, his mom has 8 siblings and his dad has 9 and there’s a 10 year age gap between him and his oldest sibling and he loves them all so much

natia is his best friend. i repeat, NATIA IS HIS BEST FRIEND!!!!

he’s also quite close with kiki. Natia and Kiki are the only two that he met before their great space adventure

he wasn't really sure of his sexuality at first. (i say this because i wasn't sure of my sexuality at first - im bi btw - and all the media i saw told me that any lgbt+ character was 100% sure of their sexuality form the day they were born, which made me doubt myself bc i didn't figure it out till recently, so i wanna see that in some media!! sometime!!) he probably figured it out halfway through having a crush on someone

the someone is akio, and he definitely tells Natia about it first

“natia... natia listen.... I have a crush on akio. freakin akio.... what do i do??? I’m bi, natia... I'm bi. what does this mean -”

“alvaro, I'm so proud of you, but this is a public bathroom and akio is right outside -”

GUARANTEE that the first time he saw Akio he just basically wanted to fight him but also flirt with him and had a slight moral crisis and ended up doing nothing

he is a goddamn sharpshooter, okay. he straight up becomes famous for it throughout the galaxy.

yet despite that he’s still insecure, and those insecurities prevent him from really getting together w akio until much later

he comes off as very suave and extroverted when you first meet him, but underneath it all, he’s actually really warm, personable and funny: not that anyone outside the team know that 

aliens on social media, probably: god, the blue paladin is so cool... i bet he’s amazing and awesome and eloquent...

meanwhile, alvaro: do u guys think i could fit my whole hand in my mouth or nah?

enjoys memes, and shares this love with kiki

basically an all around great guy. because he often felt like a seventh wheel at the beginning of the formation of the team, he always tries to include everybody as best as possible, going way out of his way to ask after people, even if they forget to ask about him sometimes :’)

Natia Nanai

first off: what a gorgeous name. seriously. incredible kudos, my dude. anyway on to the head canons for this gorgeous girl

probably alvaro’s soulmate. already mentioned this, but it needs reiteration. they are best friends

had a large family too (not as big as alvaros tho) and probably major relate to him with that big family dealio

v close with kiki. they complete each other on a technological level. 

natia is very, very creative. she and her sweet engineering know how are always instrumental in getting the Team out of tough situations

Akio: theres no way out of this we’re going to die -

Natia: bet?

she does say “bet” a lot. like, almost too much? but she's always right and valid when she says it

the villain: i’ve got you now!!!!

natia, under her breath: bet

the paladins, thinking: thank god, we’re saved

very soft but also badass as hell. she has a unique duality.

pulls a violet baudelaire: she puts that GORGEOUS hair up in a ponytail when doing work or whenever she has an idea

everyone on the team, regardless of sexuality, is low-key in love with her because she’s just so nice. no one can hate her. she's way too solid of a friend

speakinG of being a great friend: natia is 100% the secret keeper up in this bitch. everyone comes to her because they know she’s got the best advice around and will take their secrets to the grave

akio: idk man... alvaro is just rlly cute, u know?? but i can't tell him...

natia, thinking of alvaro literally whining to her about akio not even five minutes ago: christ

the mom friend. she always has all the things everyone needs on hand or in her lion, and she’s got it all going in terms of chore charts and family meals. she is the queen of figuring out times for team bonding and everyone loves her more for it

definitely started a board game night asap

she has a silent bravery about her that no one else can match. despite her trepidation, natia will always do what has to be done for the greater good. 

she is guided by her heart and her morals, and is easily the kindest person on the team

bc of this kindness, she is often the diplomat when conflicts arise between people on the team

she is seen by the general public (aka the galaxy) as a strong, morally righteous woman. kind of like rosie the riveter-esque??? she’s the symbol of justice and fairness. 

aliens: she's so... peacekeeping :0

natia, at kiki: throw me that wrench, or so help me god - 

basically, a queen who always considers everyone and works really hard to create a family, even when they're all so far from home :’)

Kiki Evans

generally over it tbh

“always tired, but always inspired” - kiki, on being asked why there were dark circles under her eyes

kind of standoffish. she’s not really about being nice, she's about getting the job done, and that can rub people the wrong way, since she is always the first to offer up the cold, logical solution

but underneath that, she’s just a computer science nerd who is loyal to a fault

she really is loyal. its almost dangerous sometimes, because she would put the universe in danger to save her friends, which actually comes into conflict with her typical cold, logical approach.

she has 0-1 sibling. she's every bit the single child. she cannot relate to living in a big family setting, and at first its hard for her to deal with before she warms up to everyone else on the team

she's a genius, and thus found school to be tedious. in fact, she got fairly bad grades, as she wouldn't do the work that she saw as pointless and boring

she is a meme connoisseur, and loves to quote vines, often assisted by alvaro

kiki, as they approach a giant black hole: HZZK

alvaro, catching on immediately: is... is that real???

she is a conspiracy theorist, for sure. the government is watching us all, trying to make sure we don't learn too much.... she’s sure of it, and akio is too

tbh, the first proper conversation she had with akio was about cryptids and how the government had hidden them from the public

she was friends w natia and alvaro from before, but it is akio she becomes closest with the fastest. in some ways, she feels more distant from natia/alvaro bc of how close they are with each other and  bc all of them have known each other for so long while akio is someone she got to know recently: he has no preconceptions about who she used to be, and she has none about him

plus, she and akio relate on many levels: both trans, both gay, both autistic, both theorists, and both loyal to a fault. she finds a real blood brother in akio :D

very openly gay. very. she's a space lesbian, and theres no denying it

kiki, meeting some random space girl: oh

kiki, moments later to akio: god I'm gay

akio, downing a glass of water but acting like its vodka or smthg: god, same

the public sees her as the cold and calculating techie, the brains of the operation

natia is her partner in crime. they finish each others sentences. they've got a tech connection going, babey

kiki: if we just cross-reference the zaiforge tunnel with the -

natia, nodding: particle consummator, of course we’ll get the perfect -

them, together: amount of energy!!!

everyone else: sorry wot

basically, she's a tech goddess with a splash of genius. she's uneasy and a bit awkward, but thats just bc she’s never been in a situation like this before. after literally 1 second with her, she opens up and is such a loyal friend. :’)

Akio Himura

wow this boy is gay and he knows it

he loves his parents (zahi, takashi, and ashanti) but god he will never admit it. not ever

alvaro, after listing his parents, 20 aunts and 100 cousins: and i love them all so much, with all my heart. what about ur family akio?

akio, not wanting to show weakness: they're nerds.

alvaro: um okay cool good talk haha :)

akio, internally: but i love them nd would die for them tbh... but i can't show weakness

he's so guarded after his biological parents left/died/disappeared. poor boy

definitely a single child, and definitely adopted

his parents love him SO MUCH. so much.

akio: why do i have three parents, dad?

takashi, almost crying: its simple. u deserve so much love, that it couldn't be contained in just two people. we needed three. its how its gotta be, my beautiful, sweet summer child

a yeehaw kind of guy. he grew up in the midwest riding horses before his biological parents died and theres a piece of him that will always be a southern boy

the kind of kid in school that pretends he’s a delinquent, but actually just has the aesthetic of a delinquent, and is truly soft

akio: hell yeah I'm a rebel. i logged onto disney.com without my parents permission

kiki, choked up: so brave

mothman is his love. his passion. all cryptids, for that matter. kiki is more of an all around conspiracy theorist: akio is in it for the cryptids 

he’s a bit awkward, and doesn’t totally understand all social cues/jokes. because of this, he stays away from memes, and is very guarded when meeting new people, especially after experiences with light bullying for not only his social ineptitude, but his upbringing.

considering that, his first meeting with alvaro was supremely awkward, and akio accidentally fought with him multiple times before they established a solid friendship

akio, having a gay panic: you are the light of my life

alvaro: sorry what??

akio, panicking more: I said, you wanna fiGHT WITH A KNIFE???

he pined after alvaro from basically day one, but had the foresight to actually know that he was pining, unlike alvaro who just floundered

of course he would never say anything

he is a stabby boi. he is unrivaled in swordplay, and enjoys routine. his natural affinity for picking up new skills plus his unrivaled work ethic basically DESTROYED everyone else when it came to swords

he’s loyal af and is always the first one to take action. akio is a “do something. do anything, but do it fast before we lose a chance to do something” kind of guy

the general public sees him as the fiery one: he’s the one with the fanciest footwork in a fight, and he’s very good with battle tactics. he can come thru with that strategy at the perfect times

he's a low-key emo. for sure. he loves MCR, but strangely dislikes other similar artists like p!atd and fob. 

kiki: but...brendon urie, akio....

akio, sipping tea: as a gay, i can appreciate the aesthetic. but no one can compete with MCR

kiki, exasperated: its not a competition -

basically, a slightly guarded boy with a real talent for defending the universe and his friends, but also an emo cowboy mess who is in love with alvaro and loves everyone :’)

WELL THAT ENDED UP LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. I HOPE U ENJOY AAAA

ALSO FOLLOW @voltronuniversaldefender !!!! its amazing, guys, really check it out :D

[queerpunkmedia-blog]

Personal Decompression

Boy has it been a month. I don’t even know where to begin. In the beginning of June I moved into my new apartment. Before I was couch surfing between some amazing friends who I know through a LARP known as Dystopia Rising, after my new best friend - we’ll call them Dee - convinced me to get out of my mother’s place. My mother is an abusive cunt. I love her, but I’m fooling myself into believing I’m not in an abusive cycle with her. 

Anyways. I stayed with Dee for most of May in their dorm room. I was able to get lots of fabulous support from my new close circuit of friends:

The compassionate writing witch - we’ll call her Kaitlyn.

The hypomanic intellectual hoarder who means the very best but can be... a bit much at times. Regardless they are wicked smart and have so much heart - That’s James. 

In addition to a friend who I’ve had for going on five years: Let’s call them Erin. 

After school was over at Mills. A women’s college in Oakland where Kaitlyn and Dee attend. I ended up staying with Dee’s friend Callie. Me and Callie became close friends and the three of us bonded over Autistic-ness and literature and religion and Harry Potter. I was starting to feel like I was making friends that I would have for lifetime. It was unfamiliar to me and comforting. Still the up in the airness of a place to live was anxiety provoking, as you might imagine.

Luckily I received a phone call from a program for former foster youth that I forgot I was on the wait list for. And suddenly I went from couch surfing and unemployed with little direction but crazy ambition to having my own apartment for the first time, the promise of staying there for 2 years as long as I play my cards right. I’m enrolled at CCSF for Fall semester, and still have crazy ambition but at least I’m making practical headway. 

Then began the job hunt. Which is still going. I have an interview tomorrow, so hopefully that will turn out well. I also need to follow up on the possibility of an apprenticeship in the wardrobe dept. of a local non-profit theatre company...

Before I go on let me preface that I’m polyamorous.

Anyways. Talking about June still... the end of June specifically. I start attending a regular dinner night at the LGBT center in SF. There I meet Blue. I don’t know what about him striked my fancy but he was just so... adorable and vibrant and had this wide eyed curiosity that he took to the world. My world. He had just turned 18 and we have been dating for about a month now. He’s only here for the summer though, considering he will be heading back to boarding school in MICHIGAN (don’t even get me started...) in the fall. Luckily he will be graduating next year and we have tentative plans to move in. 

Dee jokes that we are in a lesbian relationship and keeps cracking U-Haul puns. I felt the need to point out that while we are both Assigned Female at Birth, neither of us identify as women. Blue, being a Trans-Man. Myself being non-binary (still working out the rest of that definition right now we’ll say Gender In Progress). Dee seems to think that you can be in a lesbian relationship regardless of identifying as women. This baffled me. Maybe it was a joke. I probably didn’t get it. -shrug- I’m tangenting. 

Shortly after I met Blue, I met Peter. He is... charming and adorable. Gosh he has this quirky smile that makes me melt. He’s a huge nerd. We connect on a very intellectual special interest way. We went on a couple of dates and after my dad came to visit and I found out some distressing news he really helped. I actually spent much of last night and this morning with Peter. He’s fabulous. We don’t have a label for ourselves yet, but he’s really fun and that relationship. Whatever it is... is so lighthearted and dork-tastic. 

And then there is... well... I’m going to call him Shadow. (NO THAT is not AN AMERICAN GODS REFERENCE.) Shadow is... well if you have been following my last couple of freewrites he’s the one referenced there. Somehow in the span of two weeks I fell so drastically in love with him. He’s unlocked parts of me I forgot existed. It’s an addictive sort of gothic romance with a dash of fairytale and a hint of 80s rom-com. He makes me feel comfortable with this wickedness I always knew existed inside of me. This darkness. 

You probably think he’s toxic. Or the relationship is. Or we should be careful.

We are. We’ve been intentionally hyper communicative. We’ve been approaching this like adults seeking support from our respective networks. And taking space from each other because we’ve noticed seems to vanish when we are together. 

I learned so much from the last time I felt lovedrunk like this. About a year ago. With Sebastian. 

But that’s over now. 

Now I have my flock. 

Shadow. Peter. Blue. 

My friends.

Dee. Erin. (Who by the way recently starting dating :D ) Kaitlyn. James. Callie. 

And so many communities of people and resources. 

Life is really looking up. 

Now to find a job. 

Fuck I need money.

Til Next Time,

Ekko.

[pojkflata]

My emo ass backstory

This was originally the script to a draw my life video, but I realized that it was becoming so ridiculously long that it could only work in text form

Nevertheless, I wanted to get this out of my system. I don’t think I’ve ever truly told anyone about my past in more detail than “I was bullied”, and just getting in depth about it for the first time in my life felt. Good.

CW for bullying, abuse and animal death

I was born in 1998, in a city called Helsingborg in southern Sweden, actually only a few miles away from Denmark by boat. My father worked as a cashier at the time, and my mother was unemployed. She used to breed dogs, but had to give it up when my big brother, Jakob, was born in 1997 in order to be able to raise him, and later me and my siblings. We still had some dogs around though, including one named Bandit who I adored.

During my early years, my family was struggling financially, because the only one out of my parents who had a job (my dad) had a pretty poorly paying one, and not only did my parents have me, my big brother and dogs to care about, I also had a little brother, Filip, and a little sister, Klowbi. We very rarely got things like toys or games, since my parents couldn’t afford them, so Jakob and I early showed interest in the internet as a nice way to spend our free time. The internet was a much more empty place back then, but we still found a lot of fun things to do, moreso than with the few toys we had.

When I was maybe five years old, my parents got more well paid jobs, my mother as a politician and my father in the advertisement industry, and my family’s economical situation became a lot better.

I began 1st grade in 2005, and oh jeez… I was bullied for nine entire years, and most of it stems from the fact that I was an undiagnosed autistic. Worth noting is that I was dfab, and presented as a ”girl” at that time, but it’s not like nobody noticed my symptoms just because of that. A lot of people noticed actually, but my mom did not believe them when people expressed concern.

I changed schools a lot, but I always ended up bullied, and my teachers would never support me, instead saying it was my fault for various reasons. A lot of the bullying was about harrassing me to the point that I would get meltdowns, because my classmates thought that was hilarious. I was a circus animal, in every sense of the word. Other fun stuff that happened to me in school was being asked out as a joke, being assaulted in gym class and being threatened with assault and bloody murder.

One particular story I remember takes place when I was in 7th grade. One of the popular girls asked me if I were a lesbian, and me, not knowing when to keep my mouth shut, said that I was not sure of my sexuality, and that there was a possibility I was not het. It quickly became the hottest meme that ever hit the school, and I was very heavily sexually harrassed over my statement. After four days of no peace, I decided I’ve had enough and attacked the girl. I ended up cracking her phone’s screen, and she promptly threw a fit and started playing the victim. Of course, she played the entire school, teachers included, like a piano, and I was demonized yet again.

At the time, I trusted my mother a lot, so you might wonder how she reacted to the whole thing… not ideally. She completely ignored that I was being subjected to homophobic harrassment, and instead just talked to her friends about how brave I was for being too autistic to know how to avoid giving my abusers ammunition. And yes, she chewed me out for cracking that phone screen. That was when I first realized my mother might not be as fantastic as everyone in my life had told me, and it would only get worse from that point on.

So how did I cope with being so heavily bullied? Not very well, mind you, but I still somehow survived. And I, knowing how pathetic this sounds, owe my life to the internet and my pets. I had a lot of wonderful animal friends. Those I loved the most include a Cocker Spaniel named Tim, a really fat mackerel tabby cat named Pikachu, a white cat with yellow/blue heterochromia named Kitty, and a gray tux cat named Pyret, who is still alive, actually! There was a time where Kitty was my absolute best friend. Kitty was a really antisocial and hissy cat, so it was all the more heartwarming that when no one really cared for me, at least I had a friend in a grouchy hissy cat who hated everyone else but me.

Unfortunately, that meant that Kitty despised other cats too, which became a problem when my family was forced to take in a new kitten back in 2012, the aforementioned Pyret. Kitty attacked Pyret whenever given the chance, and Pyret’s presence put Kitty in such a bad mood that she ended up attacking my at the time 9 year old sister. That was the point where my parents realized that the situation was going out of hand, so we took Kitty to the vet, and she was diagnosed with gastric cancer. The vet speculated that Kitty became unusually aggressive because she couldn’t handle her pain. There was nothing the vets could do, so Kitty had to be put to sleep.

Tim the Cocker Spaniel also suffered a similar fate: I was his very best friend, but one day, he got a disorder that affected the nerves in his eye area. That meant that slowly, his eyesight became much worse, and eventually, he recognized everyone as a threat, and reacted accordingly: aggressively. I was the only one who he could still recognize as a friend. Because of this, as well as the fact that he was clearly suffering, he had to be put to sleep as well.

Both of their deaths caused me great grief, but I’m still glad that I got to know these wonderful pets who helped me during the worst time of my life.

When it comes to coping using the internet, some of my fondest memories come from the website KPWebben, a website for a Swedish magazine directed at kids in the ages 8-15. From 2007 to 2012, the website had a community with a forum. I created a name around myself on said forum. I was spunky, snappy and not afraid to call the BS when I saw it. I was frequently questoning the authority in the moderators at the site, and I loved to make people think and question the reality around them. In many ways, on KPWebben I was allowed to be myself without facing consequences (from peers, mind you: the moderators loathed me). To some extent, I may have taken it too far, because I would often end up doing questionable things and create discourse around myself. I didn’t mind that much, though: I would much rather be known as the really cool and well spoken person that was a little too confident at times than as the human waste of space most people in meatspace saw me as.

This attitude actually gave me a lot of friends, including the person who is now my best friend and favorite person. I may have mellowed down a bit since my KPWebben days, but I still adore her.

Eventually, I graduated 9th grade and began secondary school, and somehow, I was bullied no more. But gradually, another problem surfaced in my life. My mother. Long story short, she was abusive to me. She isolated me from my friends, insulted me, and she expected me to have all the responsibility of an adult but none of the benefits. She was neglectful, as mentioned before, she wouldn’t listen to people who suspected I was autistic, and she never really cared about how I was suffering from being bullied. At times, she would even blame me for being bullied, much like my teachers would do. During this time, I realized that I was non-binary, and I had come out to my family, but my mother aggressively refused (and still refuses) to use my preferred pronouns, saying that ”it’s so hard :(” whenever I corrected her, and would scold me for correcting other people about my pronouns, because apparently me wanting to be referred to using my correct pronouns was embarrassing and annoying.

My mother also showed heavy favoritism towards Jakob and constantly compared me to him. Now, it is true that there’s only a 15 month age gap between him and I, so we are twins in everything but name. But Jakob is not me. Jakob is neurotypical and has not suffered the trauma I have. Jakob is an aspiring musician and while he hasn’t technically made a hit, he is talented and he probably will make it big. Being constantly compared to a person like that really hurts, especially when the people making these comparisions know you can’t become anywhere as good, and that they are just making these comparisions to make you feel bad about yourself.

While the bullying from my classmates was technically worse, what made my relationship with my mother so bad was the sense of betrayal. When I was younger, I thought that my mom was a real life super hero. She worked in politics and all of her motivations stemmed from her wish to make children’s lives better. She had made an extremely good name around herself, and she is a really likable person on the surface. So I didn’t know what I did wrong when she suddenly turned on me and all her talk about wanting to improve children’s lives went out the window. And her good reputation acted as a safety net as well, because no one believed me when I told them about what was going on beneath her facade.

My father was just not there. He was physically there, but he lacked a spine. He constantly enabled my mother’s disgusting actions, and always told me that she cared and that she doesn’t know how to raise me. Because a person with the kind of positive reputation my mother has cannot possibly raise an autistic child, right?

A lot of things happened to me in 2015. I was run over by a bus, for starters. I was on my way home from school, on my bike, when a bus appeared and ran over my left foot. The bus driver was breaking several traffic related laws, but they never faced any consequences despite me pressing the police to do so. The accident led to some minor fractures in the bones in my foot, but I was really lucky in that accident. It could have been so much worse. I’m still here, and able to walk, and that’s nothing short of a miracle.

I was also finally diagnosed with autism later that year, and I was enrolled on a boarding school for autistic people. This was a massive turning point in my life, because it let me move out at the age of 17 and escape the clutches of my mother. It’s far away enough from Helsingborg that my family can’t just visit me randomly, and I have my very own apartment. I still visit my family every other weekend and on breaks and such. I do miss my cat a lot while I’m here, but it’s a small price to pay for the peace and quiet and a place where no one really abuses me anymore.

There are however two downsides to this: I had be held back a year because my autism was making my studies suffer in 10th grade, before I moved to the boarding school, and I effectively won’t graduate until 2019. And Klowbi, my little sister, seems to be affected negatively by this change. We were pretty close to begin with, and me moving so far away when she was only 12 meant that she lost an otherwise ever-present friend. On top of that, she appears to be neurodivergent, but as I’m writing this, she has no access to therapy. And if that wasn’t bad enough, my mother appears to have moved on to abusing Klowbi instead of me. I don’t know too many details, since I don’t spend a lot of time with my family (and my mother seems to act as nice as she can in that slimy abusive way whenever I’m visiting). I try my very best to help my sister, because in my age, I did not have anyone who cared about me or my situation (that wasn’t an animal that couldn’t do a lot to help me), and I don’t want Klowbi to experience what I did.