#that the people will remove you if you focus only on the 'big' issues and not on the everyday issues of the people.

[mohabbaat]

i have said it irl and I'll say it here; the construction of the ram mandir was thier duty. ppl voted for bjp to get it built. once it was done, ppl had nothing else to look forward to in their manifesto, and no other developments were made in up, so ppl didn't vote for them again. compare it to working a 9-5. if you complete a difficult task, you're gonna get praise, maybe your name will be in for a promotion, but if you keep being consistent with your work, ppl will applaud you. If you just do the difficult task and nothing else, ppl will praise you, but you won't get a promotion

the ram mandir argument doesn't make much sense anyway. for one, ram mandir is in ayodhya but ayodhya itself is not a lok sabha constituency. the constituency is faizabad which is much bigger than ayodhya and have multiple other cities too. by all accounts, while work has been done to "better" ayodhya (which itself is debatable), the other cities have been ignored with no development for the past decade. so, the "hindus betrayed bjp" and "hindus betrayed hinduism and ram" argument would make a little bit more sense during the up elections when ayodhya is its own assembly constituency. and even then, it would be very weak cause who the fuck are you to decide how people follow their own religion? why do you think you know better than the people living there? you see the temple as the restoration of your faith, but the people who live there have lost their homes and their livelihoods so that the temple can be constructed. i highly doubt they love the temple or see it as god's kingdom when it came with that steep a price. also, in the words of certain people, the temple is about faith and religion. so why should people make a political decision based on its construction? religion and politics shouldn't go hand in hand. although most right wing people often forget this simple fact.

[ryuzakemo128]

Grim Reaper

Pairing: (Possibly?) Poly Team 141 x Female Reader / Female Reader x Her mental health

Content Warning: Mental Issues touched upon. Swearing.

Note: Your code names are either Grim Reader or Iron Maiden.

Words: 2502

Masterlist - Prequel - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight

Supernatural AU - Poem

Credit for Dividers: @cafekitsune + @strangergraphics

Summary:

If you can’t be perfect at something, why bother trying?

If you can’t get it right the first time, why bother?

What would they do if you had forcibly removed yourself from the equation? Would they notice that you were gone? Would they care? You went numb because of your parents. The lack of care and the added pressure to remain at the top.

"Do me a favour and just leave me alone." You said. Telling them both to go away. To leave you alone. They had each other and you were alone. Death seemed better than whatever mess awaited you back home. You have worked alone for the longest time. You require no back up. Not only that, but you don't need any pity or assistance. Death is reward in a sea of endless nightmares.

“It's not like you can stop me.” You told him. Eyes narrowing at him. Picking up your duffle bag to head out the door. “Do me favour a leave me alone.”

If you can’t be perfect at something, why bother trying?

If you can’t get it right the first time, why bother?

‘Do me a favour and go back to ignoring me. It’s what you’re good for.’ You thought.

‘Let’s get going morons. I don’t have the patience to deal with my shit and yours. Lets go already’ you think during times where people just take too long.

‘It’s war. Stop celebrating it like it’s a fucking football match and go back to work, you ignorant fucks.’ You pondered, looking over the soldiers celebrating too loudly.

‘My feelings are not yours to discuss. I will not speak endless garbage.’ You continued to glare at team 141 from afar. ‘They talk too much. Talking more doesn’t make you smarter. Nor does it make you look smarter, either.’

You have an interest in MMA, Kickboxing, axe throwing and Electrical Engineering. Your still undertaking your pathway into Electrical Engineering in different ways like the mask you wear on your face. Covering it entirely. Leaving nothing to the naked eye.

You have a high pain tolerance. An excellent one-track focus. Almost unnerving, eery according to your superiors.

You are your superior’s grim reaper as your lone wolf behaviour serves them so well. They don’t want anyone else to have you. Ever.

Thus, you have no intention of bonding with them. Once the mission is over. You intend to disappear once they turn around long enough to let you disappear.

‘Imagine looking like that.’ You heard about you. You managed to overhearing from your parent’s mouths, your bullies and the people you thought were your friends. Why bother giving someone else that chance to do it all over again when all they’ll do is leave you broken.

Your face staring back at you in the mirror. The only reason you got into the military is because of the fact that you wouldn’t be able to afford to fix your teeth otherwise. It was mostly a health reason rather than because you were so keen on ‘serving’.

All of your snacks are stored inside of a body bag to prevent people from stealing them from you. It made you feel safe and have a way to eat something without relying on other people. Even while you were growing up.

Touching your face, neck or shoulders are a big no, no for you. “Get the fuck away. Next time you do that shit, I’m hitting you in the face.” You said instinctively as a warning to get them away from you.

“Bury me in a cardboard box on the side of a highway or some shit. I don’t care.” You said once. You were annoyed and overstimulated from the lights, sounds and the combination onslaught of senses. You didn’t want more. You wanted less. You wanted to stop feeling like you were going to choke yourself or someone else.

All because you wore the evil socks that day and everything went down hill fast from there.

"Not here." You said, hoping the knock on your door would disappear as you were meditating.

You were wrong. You were wrong in a way you wish you saw coming.

The knock persisted. It grew louder, more insistent. It was as if the very wood of the door was begging for your attention. You knew it was Captain Price. His heavy footsteps and distinct knocking pattern had become all too familiar over the weeks. With a sigh, you opened the door to reveal the stern man with the unlit cigar hanging from his lips.

'God. I should have taken the drive into the lake this afternoon if I knew I was going to be bothered again.' you thought.

Captain Price looked at you with a gaze that could cut through steel. "We have a mission, Grim. Get dressed, you're coming with us." His voice was gruff, the words cutting through the silence of your room like a knife.

"Pretty sure you have all the help you need this time Captain." you snorted.

Price just stared at you. That unlit cigar doing nothing to hide the frustration in his eyes. He knew you didn’t care for the camaraderie of the squad, but that didn’t change the mission. “It’s a solo job, Grim. You’re our best shot at this. No one else can go in there and come out without raising suspicion.”

'Great. This means more time I need to get rid of excess aggression. I want to fucking kill myself.' you thought as you got ready.

You grabbed your gear, the same gear that had seen more blood than most people had in their lives. It was a grim reminder of your purpose. You were the weapon of choice for when things got too messy for the regular soldiers. The government’s way of keeping their hands clean.

The mission briefing was short and to the point. Infiltrate a heavily guarded compound, extract the intel, and eliminate the target. A simple task for anyone else, but for you, it was just another Tuesday. The room was filled with tension as the team around you studied the layout, whispering strategies and potential escape routes. You remained silent, eyes locked on the map, your mind already racing through the countless scenarios that could unfold.

Your mantra, 'I don't need you. Just as you don't need me.' echoed in your mind as you geared up. You didn't bother with the usual banter or good lucks that filled the air before a mission. They were just words. Empty, hollow promises of friendship and camaraderie that you knew would crumble under the weight of reality. You were the Grim Reaper, not their buddy. 'I am what you see when death is on the table.'

"I tolerate you. I don't intend to do more Captain." You said once, your voice as cold as the Siberian night you once fought in. You had earned your name, Grim Reaper, not just from your silent and deadly tactics, but from the emotional vacuum you carried with you. It was like speaking to a wall, but they had come to accept it.

Though the amount of aggression you had pent-up was enough to fuel a small war, you knew that you had to keep it in check. You were confronted about it, though for the life of you, you had no idea why they cared. You were heading to the gym to get rid of the excess aggression from your system.

You walked into the gym to just get to rid of it. If it was particularly traumatising, she won't speak to anyone on the way there. The sound of metal clanging and the rhythmic thump of combat boots on the floor echoed through the space as you approached the boxing ring. It was a cage match in here, but not the kind that involved a referee or an audience. Just you and your inner demons. You slammed your duffle bag down on the bench, the thud resonating in the room as you began to unpack your gear.

One such instance was today, and you were interrupted, "Ask someone else." you said and continued on your way. "Ask Ghost to help. I'm sure he's far more willing for you." You had enough pent-up to fuel a small generator.

He didn't budge, didn't move and he certainly had no intention of taking his eyes off of you. You felt like a caged animal, and Price knew it. He was the kind of man that knew when to push and when to pull. His hand rested on the doorframe, his knuckles white with the effort of holding himself back. You knew he had more to say, but he remained silent, waiting for your next move.

You came back from the most recent mission and you didn't want to talk.

You had just gotten back from a mission that had gone sideways. The intel was solid, the target was eliminated, but the compound had been a veritable hornet's nest. Bullets had flown like rain, and you had danced through the storm like a specter. But even as you walked back into the base, the stench of gunpowder and death clung to you like a second skin. You could feel it in every step you took, every breath you drew.

The gym was empty, a rare luxury in this place. You climbed into the ring, the ropes groaning slightly as you took up your stance. The bag before you was your silent adversary, the only one who never talked back, never questioned your motives, never judged your scars. You threw a punch, feeling the impact resonate up your arm, the pain a sweet release. You had done this a hundred times before, but tonight it was different. Tonight, the bag felt like it was fighting back, each hit echoing the pain you felt inside.

Your sparring match made you look more like Iron maiden than Grim Reaper. Each punch and kick sent the bag swinging, the sound of impact a cathartic symphony in the empty gym. Sweat beaded on your forehead, mixing with the grime of the day’s battle. You were lost in the rhythm, the therapeutic dance of combat, until the sound of the gym door squeaking open broke your concentration.

You spun around, fists clenched, expecting an unwelcome interruption from one of the chattering squad members. But instead, you found yourself face to face with Captain Price. He leaned against the ropes of the ring, his eyes never leaving yours. He didn’t speak, just nodded slightly, acknowledging your presence without interrupting your solitude. He knew better than to approach you after a mission like that. The air was thick with unspoken words, a silent agreement that sometimes the best conversations were the ones never had.

He still remembers when you judo threw soap when he touched your shoulders. "Keep your hands to yourself."

You could see the look in his eyes, the concern and the curiosity. But you didn’t care. You didn’t need his pity or his sympathy. You were fine. You had to be fine. You had to be the one who could handle it all, because if you weren’t, who would they send instead? The weak? The inexperienced? No, they’d send you. And you’d die.

So you ignored him, turned back to the punching bag, and threw another hit. This one was harder than the last. The bag swung back and forth, the chains groaning with each impact. The sweat on your forehead trickled down your cheek, stinging your eyes. But you didn’t flinch. You never did. That was your job, to not flinch. To not feel. To be the one who did the dirty work while everyone else patted themselves on the back and told themselves they were heroes.

Price remained there, his eyes never leaving you. You could feel his gaze boring into your back, but you ignored it. You had to. You had to keep going, keep fighting, keep moving forward. It was the only way to survive in this world. The way to keep the darkness at bay. The way to keep from breaking down.

From them seeing you as the caged animal you are. Ghost only had to hold you back once, which even for him, remains to be rather difficult, it was to give you your anti-psychotic meds which you had no idea you had to take. Ghost said, "You're an unruly beast, aren't you? Hey, stop trying to bite me." You growled afterwards. You didn’t know how to handle kindness, so you lashed out. It was easier to push people away than to let them in, only to watch them leave when they realized what you truly were. A monster, bred for war.

Ghost called you a good girl and you grimaced instead of growling, taking the pill with a sip of water. "Thanks," you murmured, trying to sound sincere. But the word felt strange in your mouth, like a foreign tongue you hadn’t spoken in a long time. You didn’t know how to be good, not when all you knew was the taste of gunpowder and the feel of cold steel.

Ghost chuckled, at your reaction, "No need to thank me, Grim. We all got our battles to fight. Just remember, we're all in this together." His voice was soothing, a stark contrast to the brutal world outside the gym. For a moment, you felt a flicker of something akin to warmth. But it was fleeting, snuffed out by the cold reality of who and what you were. You nodded curtly, not trusting your voice to respond.

You slept without nightmares that night. Odd. Normally they were there.

The doctor's eyes widened slightly at your candidness, but he remained calm. "Grim, you can't keep going on like this. The mind can't handle this kind of stress indefinitely. It's not healthy."

You didn't say anything in response. The doctor 's words hung in the air, heavy and unwelcome. You didn't need a psych evaluation. You needed a mission, a target to focus on, something to keep the darkness at bay. To the doctor's surprise you allowed him to get closer. To him it was a sign of progress, to you it was just a way to get what you needed. He offered you a hand to help you up from under the table, and for a split second, you took it feeling like you were five again. Lost without your parents.

You were now on your way home. Even though you didn't want to.The doctor had convinced you, or rather, the fear of incompetency had convinced you.

You didn’t want to be seen as weak, as someone who couldn’t handle the pressure. So, you agreed to the leave, with the caveat that you’d be back as soon as it was over.

You packed your bags with the same precision you used for your missions, double-checking every item. The gym had become your sanctuary, a place where you could unleash your demons without consequence.

Now, you were being sent back to the real world, where those demons were born.

[pearlzier]

it was incredibly hard for matt to focus on painting your nails when you were staring at him like that. it's not even your fault! you're just looking at him, since what else are you to look at, and he's making such a big deal out of it. your brow furrows a tiny bit, playfully, as he grumbles under his breath about ‘your pretty face’, and you can't help but mumble a response—“what was that?”

his blue eyes lift to yours and his brow cocks upward, like he didn't say anything. “huh? nothing, sit still for me,” he said that under the guise that you'd forget hearing what he'd said.

well, you didn't. “something about my pretty face, perhaps?” you flicker your eyes over his face as a giggle slips past your lips, and the eyeroll that comes from matt only tells you everything you needed to know. “do you have something you need to tell the class, mister sturniolo?”

a childish scoff escaped him and he gave you a little cheeky grin, rolling his shoulders in a shrug soon after. “you keep starin’ at me,” he starts, “s'a lot.”

“a lot?” your tone is so incredulous it makes him giggle. so he nods, biting back another giggle at your raised brows that meet his gaze. “how is me looking at you a lot?”

matt feels the need to correct you, “staring, not lookin’. fuckin’ thousand yard stare,” he smiles a little more at the way you laugh at his words. “m'bein’ honest! don't laugh at me. when you laugh, you move your hands. how m'i supposed to paint ‘em like this?” he huffs at your giggling, although it's very clearly playful.

“fine, fine, sorry,” you offer your hand out, watching as he applied the polish gently but skillfully. he was probably one of the only people you trusted to paint your nails, besides the nail techs at your local salon. first of all, matt was good eye candy. and he was committed to the job. “never seen you so focused,” he looks at you through his lashes for a faint moment, before he returns to looking at your nails.

“i'd be even more focused if you kept your mouth shut,” he retorted almost instantly, giggling at his own words. your mouth falls open, comically wide, and you splutter for a response which doesn't actually come, which results in matt bursting into laughter. and a bit of stray nail polish coating your finger. “oh, motherfucker.”

“if i die—”

“it's because i'd have killed you,” matt presses a kiss to your forehead, making his way past to go grab a wipe, and perhaps also a tissue in case he needs to use nail polish remover. as he passes back over, you impulsively give him a pat on the ass like you're a car salesman; he glances over at you for a moment, expression unamused. “you're not funny.”

“i so am,” you hum, giggling as he sits back down in front of you with an exaggerated sigh. he brings your finger closer to him so he can wipe it down. your eyes focus on him once more, and this time, he lifts his gaze to meet yours gently.

he smiles once more, sighing when he comes to the realisation you won't actually stop staring. “think you got a staring issue, babe,” matt's voice is warm, and he gives you a little nudge with his shoulder. “oh, finished by the way.”

you were a little preoccupied with responding to the accusations, when you in fact did realise he was finished. a gasp escaped you, and your gaze lifted back to his again—“since when?”

“were too busy starin’ to realise,” matt sat back in his chair, popping the lid back onto the nail polish. until he saw that look in your eyes and he scooted his chair back instantly. “absolutely not.”

“matt,” the moment your hand reached for the nail polish, and then his, he practically ran. “come back!” you whine, and he's literally gone to hide from you doing his nails.

“i don't trust you with nail polish!” knowing you, you'd end up snorting it and getting high. or getting him high.

[lemonhemlock]

I think a thing that bothers me the most is how fragmented TG (the fandom) is now. After season one, many of us had issues with character writing, but it still felt like we were largely on the same page. Now, some people can accept Aegon got bad writing but not Aemond, Alicent, or Helaena. They are all “good” or “bad”characters depending on how much they hurt Aegon this season. I’m so glad he got the time to be well rounded, and that TGC delivered on all his scenes, but I think people forget Aegon has received some poor writing as well even this season. His whole outburst about Jaehaerys’s death is not about his son, but the impact on his legacy- I thought this very odd at the time, but realize it’s because they can’t have him mourn Jaehaerys for a long time either. Nobody on TG is allowed to focus on this dead child, least of all his mother! Aegon goes out drinking with his friends next episode 😭 seemingly unconcerned. But somehow only Alicent and Aemond are called out for this, when it is a clear problem that Daemon is more affected by this loss than the greens. It feels like such an uphill battle to even discuss the faction and family anymore.

This is such a good point!

I know I am so contrarian about this rn, but I have had some issues in connecting with Aegon's grief scenes over Jaehaerys this season. And it's such an opinion I DON'T want to have, bc I'm fully on the Aegon/TGC bandwagon and I do think TGC is a competent actor.

But it's something about the general clownery of the framing, how everything is gloomy and dark but at the same time no one gives that much of a shit over Jaehaerys? It's very weird to describe. I know Olivia also shows Alicent crying and swallowing sobs and trying to conceal her grief, but, if you think about it, Alicent is just Kind Of Like That in a lot of her scenes anyway. Big doe wet eyes, filled with regret and unspoken emotions etc so that her acting similarly after B&C kind of doesn't hit as much?

And, in that context, having Aegon rage over this event is rendered kind of.....hammy and, honestly, comical. I'm reminded of the scene of the small council where everyone is somber and quiet and he kind of looks like he's pretending to cry. In other moments it's fine but there are frames where I can't take it seriously and it registers in my brain like a parody.

I realise how I sound right now, like I'm not satisfied with the subdued performances, but I'm not satisfied with the expansive ones either. IDK. I have a huge problem with the framing and direction this season, I think it's a huge impediment in making me enjoy the supposedly emotional scenes.

All of this to say that I agree, Aegon has also received some bad writing this season, especially him ALSO being kind of over Jaehaerys the next episode. But people tend to overlook it, because when you draw the line, the writing for him is still so much better than what he got in S1.

And, yes, this is why I can't really join the choir in blaming Alicent and Aemond for how they act with him, because it's not a naturalistic and organic progression, it's shoehorned in with little buildup or motivation and not even drawn to its natural conclusion. For example, Aemond should have been toast the minute Aegon woke up, because Prince Regent or not, Aegon is still the King and has the power to remove Aemond if he fears him. He doesn't have to justify himself in front of anyone, just give the order to arrest his brother and name someone else as regent, then just go back to sleep.

[tigergirltail]

TIGER HRT CHAPTER 6 - MONTH 6 - THE CAGED BIRD

CONTENT WARNING - This chapter contains mentions of medical injections, bigotry, child abuse, self-harm, and attempted suicide. Reader beware.

FIRST - PREV - NEXT

I had my six-month check-up with Dr. Erian, an online appointment just like last time. No particular medical issues this time around, bloodwork checks out, genetic reconfiguration is stable. We can't do a thorough physical exam over the internet, but according to him, I am "the very picture of health, by the standards of your species". I'm a bit curious what standards those are, given that I have yet to hear about any other tiger therians. Hopefully there ARE standards, and he's not just giving me empty reassurance.

We also spent some time going over dietary concerns - am I getting enough meat, am I reducing my fruit and grain intake appropriately, that sort of thing. I assured him that I'm eating real meat with every meal, just like the booklet said to, I've been limiting fruits and vegetables, and I don't even have an appetite for anything grain-based. I'll probably miss what fresh bread used to be like, but I just can't bring myself to want it anymore. Apparently not every therian is following the diet they're supposed to, but the doctor didn't have any concerns about me, "assuming your answers are honest, Miss Alexis". What, does he think I'm about to lie to the one person who knows how species transition works?

At one point during the discussion I thought I heard him mutter something about a "foolish undine", but I must have misheard. Undines are water spirits or elementals or something - a fictional creature. Then again, so are dragons and lamias, but the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl, and I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia. At this point you could tell me there's someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog, and I might actually believe you.

I've hit the point of full fur coverage, so no more awkward bald patches! Unfortunately, this does mean I need to start taking my estrogen in a form other than skin patches, because there's nowhere left to stick them. After a lot of agonizing over the pros and cons of potential liver damage from pills versus facing down my needle phobia, I opted to ask my endocrinologist to train me on injectable estrogen. She made a somewhat tone-deaf joke about not being trained in veterinary medicine, but she was otherwise very patient and reassuring, so I let it slide.

I do want to state for the record that I am a big scary tiger who's not afraid of anything and I only cried a little bit the first time I injected myself.

My ears are definitely becoming much more sensitive - I keep hearing really annoying high-pitch noises when I'm around heavy machinery, and that happens a lot more often than you might think. My office at work is right next to an elevator, and whenever someone uses it, the motor lets out this gods-awful whine and I have to plug my ears until it stops moving again. My local grocery also has a few freezer units that give off a similar sound, constantly, and I've had to start wearing earplugs to go on food runs.

As for visual changes, I can see in the dark reasonably well, but I've also started getting headaches and discomfort when I squint or try too hard to focus on something. I guess I should probably just… try to not do that. I have spent a significant portion of my life staring at a screen, so my eyes probably aren't in the best shape overall.

Now that my physical changes are pretty much done, most people just assume I'm wearing a very intricate costume - at least, until they get close. No costume has mouth movements or facial expressions this realistic, and believe me, our top furry scientists and engineers have tried.

At one point there's a conversation on the humanity removal chat server about the political climates in our respective areas towards therians. Obviously, a lot of the right-wing talking-head shows have been shitting themselves inside-out about the idea of people giving up their humanity, especially the ones with a more religious bent. "How dare these freaks forsake God's holy image", "Humanity is a divine blessing and must be cherished", "We call on the one true God to smite these worshippers of the Beast", and so on like that. Excuse you, but I've never worshipped your discriminatory god and I'm not beholden to their 'holy image'. My goddess is one of beauty, love, and artistic expression, and the entire reason I'm changing myself in the first place is as an expression of self-love.

Most of us agree, though, that the absolute worst of the 24-hour news cycle doesn't have anything to do with how regular everyday people see us. In fact, we're rare enough still that a decent proportion of people don't believe we exist - they think that tabloids made us up to sell more copies. I don't know if that's better in terms of acceptance, but I'll take it over a torch-and-pitchfork mob running me out of town.

The conversation shifts to us sharing our locations, those of us who are comfortable doing so at least. We generally keep it vague, but most of us are at least alright with saying which country we live in. I narrow it down to a province for myself, mainly because my province alone is larger than some countries, but also because once we start to get noticed by the media and the world, there'll probably be no stopping our locations becoming known.

It's also going to get interesting if anyone starts asking how most of us are going to the same medical provider when he requires that consultations be done in person, or why the location he operates out of - Hyper City - doesn't appear on any map. Truthfully, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it myself.

The next day, I get a private message from the girl with the corvid avatar:

"Hey I saw your post when everybody was talking about where they are! I live there too!! We should totally meet up sometime ^v^"

…This is a dilemma. Obviously, I'm worried about the optics of a teenager meeting up with a 39-year-old she met on the internet, there's all kinds of ways that could be taken the wrong way, but dammit, I still don't know anyone like me in this part of the world, who knows if I'll ever find anyone else who's local? …I really want to try, but I should at least give her a warning, and a judgement-free out.

"Uhh I get wanting to meet up, but I'm more than 20 years older than you, would your parents be anywhere near cool with that??"

There's a long pause. I see her start and stop typing multiple times. I'm worried I've upset her. Eventually, she sends another message:

"I don't give a fuck what they think"

I'm taken aback by the harshness of the reply, and don't manage to type anything before another series of messages pops up:

"and they don't care what I do anyway so it's whatever" "if anyone asks I'll just say you're my weird aunt" "you have no idea how bad I want to meet someone who GETS IT" "humanity is a curse and I want to be free"

'I want to be free'. Something about that phrase hits somewhere deep, in a source of pain that never fully healed. Freedom from pain, freedom from self-hatred, freedom at any cost, even if it meant my life. I remember how that desire for freedom feels.

The only thing I can think to do next is ask if she's okay. Her response is to ask if I can go on a voice call. I'm not sure if she wants some confirmation that I'm a real person or if she just doesn't want the next part of the conversation preserved in the text log.

"Hey…", I begin cautiously as the voice call starts. "Can you hear me okay?"

There's a suppressed sniffle on the other end. "Yeah… I hear you."

For a moment I entertain the thought of going all 'when I was your age' and explaining that I was always cautioned against talking to strangers on the internet, but it's probably not the time for that. Read the room, Alexis.

She's not saying anything. I'm going to have to start this off, I think. Something harmless, something value-neutral…

"So from your icon, I'm guessing you want crow HRT? Raven HRT, maybe?"

"Crow HRT.", she states simply. "Crows are everywhere here, and I've always loved them, always been jealous of them. They get to go anywhere they want, do anything they want…" She lets out a groaning sigh. "Augh, this is stupid. You probably think I'm stupid for wanting this."

I can't hold back from giving a little bit of a laugh. "Hah! Young lady, one year ago I went to a doctor and told him to his face that I wanted him to turn me into a recessive-gene variant of an endangered species that doesn't even live on this continent, and then I threatened to bite him if he wouldn't do it. Fantasizing about being a crow is just about the normalest thing I can imagine compared to that."

"…You said you'd BITE him?"

I grin, though without a camera set up she can't see it. "Every one of us who seeks out humanity removal therapy is already a little bit inhuman, even if we don't fully know it yet. After all, why would we remove something if we felt emotionally attached to it?"

Another audible sniffle. "Holy fuck, you DO get it…"

"I sure hope I get it, it's not like I can un-grow the fur and the tail."

She gives a laugh, then there's a long pause. "…Does it hurt? Is it scary?"

"Sometimes. My fingers were REALLY sore while my claws were developing, and having your entire facial structure rearrange is no joke. As for scary, well, I sure get stared at a lot more, but I think I scare people a lot more than they scare me."

"Heh, maybe I want to be scary."

I frown a little. "I don't. I just want to be true to myself."

There's an awkward silence. After a while, I decide to bring up something I was curious about:

"So I remember you asking if there was a way to get species HRT without your parents noticing. I'm guessing they're not exactly supportive?"

She lets out an uncomfortable groan. "Mmmngh… They watch a lot of those news shows, you know, the ones that only run angry sensationalist bullcrap? Dad gets furious at the idea of anyone changing themselves, something about the 'holy sanctity of the human body' or whatever. He even thinks tattoos are blasphemy. Mom says it's the most horrific thing she can imagine, she nearly fainted when she caught me watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes."

"And here you are, wanting to be a bird… I'm sorry, that sounds really rough."

"It… It is." I can hear her voice faltering. "Hearing nothing but how terrible a waste it is, and how awful and horrific they are, and the whole time knowing that I'd give ANYTHING for it to happen to me, I just… I'm sorry, I just…"

"Hey, you don't need to apologize… I'm not going anywhere."

"I just… don't know how much longer I can take it!"

"…Take what?" I'm afraid to ask my next question, but… I just have to. "…What are they doing to you??"

Somewhere deep inside her, the dam just… breaks. She starts sobbing as she tells me about how her parents yell at her over every single mistake, how she gets shoved or hit just for being in the way, how she hurts herself just so the pain gives her something to feel and to focus on, and how she… How she once climbed up to the roof of her building and took a flying leap off. She had every intention to end her own life, but in the moment her feet left the ground and she felt the air under her arms, she experienced a rush of euphoria, for the first time she can remember.

…And a moment later, she broke a leg and several ribs when she hit the ground.

She explains that she spent over a month in hospital, a captive audience for her parents to yell at more, when they even bothered to show up at all. I'm too stunned to even react.

She's spent the years since then chasing that high, climbing trees and jumping off, finding rooftops and hilltops to go stand in the wind, looking up online videos of parachuting and wingsuiting and hang gliding, and when she first heard rumours about medical treatments that can alter one's very species, she started frantically researching. That's how she started finding other therians to reach out to, how she got involved in the group chat.

"Have you… had an appointment with Dr. Erian yet?" I have a feeling I already know the answer - something something, 'letter from a physician, two psychologists, live as your preferred species for at least a year'. The same horseshit I had to listen to.

"No… I tried to get one, but he won't see anyone under 18 without parental consent, and fat chance of ever getting that."

Huh. I hadn't expected that, it feels surprisingly principled for him. Though at the end of the day, it's probably just another liability thing - ol' Teddy Erian covering his own ass as usual.

"I just…" She's started crying again. "I just want to turn into a beautiful black bird and fly away from all this, forever… I just want to live my life on the wind, going wherever I want, never having to see a single human again…"

I can feel my own tears welling up, and that's the moment I make my decision. I'm going to meet up with this girl, and I'm going to find a way to help her. Maybe she doesn't need humanity removal, maybe she just needs to know someone who understands.

We decide on a place and time to meet up. There's a little cafe I like nearby, run by a trio of neurodivergent queer women. It's a public place, and about as safe for weirdos like us as you can get. Corvid-girl tells me she'll be the one with a feathered headband and a crow-skull necklace. I tell her I'll be the one with white fur and a tail. That manages to get a laugh out of her. I choose to take that as a victory.

There's something about the way she laughs that sounds a bit like a crow's call. I wonder whether that's intentional on her part…

A few days later, I'm sitting in the cafe enjoying a hot chocolate and a roast beef sandwich - extra meat, naturally. Dr. Erian said I have to start cutting chocolate out of my diet because cocoa is going to become toxic to me, but… chocolate! I did ask for a lighter mix though, so what I'm drinking is actually mostly just hot milk. Maybe there's a cocoa-free substitute out there I can look into…

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by a squeal of delight emanating from the front door. There's a teenage girl standing there, staring directly at me with a look of amazement on her face. Dark clothes, pale skin, black hair, headband with feathers in it, and hanging from her neck, an amulet in the shape of a bird skull. I smile and wave a paw at her. She practically bounces as she walks up to my table and takes a seat.

"Holy SHIT, you're… And you even have the… Your face looks just like… Can I touch your paw??"

I laugh and hold out my paw. "Haha, sure, just watch out for the claws, they don't stay all the way inside just yet."

"Oh, it's okay, I'm used to sharp things!"

I wince as I think back to our voice chat from the other day. I REALLY hope she doesn't mean what I think she means, but I can't help noticing she's wearing long sleeves, even though the weather has been getting warmer.

She turns my paw over and squeals. "OHMYGOD you even have the BEEEEANS!" I can't resist smiling as she starts poking and prodding at my pawpads. "You look SO!! AMAZING!!"

Corvid-girl starts frantically complimenting all my animalistic features - "Your stripes are so pretty!" "I love your tail!" "Ohh, your fangs, they're so COOL!!" - and I start uncontrollably blushing. I never would have thought species affirmation would feel this euphoric… Naturally, being a teenager, she takes this as an excuse to push even harder, and I start covering my face with my paws, thoroughly embarrassed.

"You look just like the tigers they have on stage for those shows in Vegas!"

"H-hey, that's actually not okay…"

"You know, I bet you'd look good up on a stage too! Everyone would love to see you!!"

Instinctually, I let out a growl, louder than I actually want to. It has the intended effect, in that she stops dead and stares at me, but so do a few other cafe patrons. Oh gods, here comes the embarrassment again… "H-hey, look, it's just…"

"Sorry." She's gone completely deadpan, and stiff as a board.

I close my eyes tightly. Gods, why did I DO that?? First the waitress at that seafood place, and now an actual CHILD. I REALLY need to start getting a handle on these predator instincts. When I open my eyes again, she's still standing there, and she looks like she's on the verge of a panic attack.

I need to calm her down, need to bring her back. "No… I'M sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just… The animals they use for those stage shows get abused all the time, and it's kind of a sore spot for me."

"…Really?"

Okay, she's talking, she's distracted, maybe I can still salvage this. "Yeah… Every species has baggage, it's one of the shitty parts of being therian, and tigers, white tigers especially, they're treated like show pieces, or worse."

"…Well shit, I knew they're endangered, but… fuck."

"Yeah, it's a whole thing, I try not to -"

Our conversation is interrupted by one of the staff tapping corvid-girl on the shoulder and asking to talk privately. She reluctantly agrees to go to the back of the store and talk. At first I think maybe she's being chastised for being a disturbance, but the barista who pulled her away is giving me some very pointed looks. Worried looks, I might even say.

If I angle my ears just right, I can almost hear them through the noise of the rest of the cafe.

"…other patrons were concerned… …young lady so close to a dangerous creature…"

I wonder if the barista notices the indignant look that crosses my face when they describe me as a 'creature'.

Corvid-girl lets out that bird-like laugh of hers. Her voice is a lot more distinct and easier to pick out:

"It's just my aunt! She's not a 'creature', she just takes meds to look like that!"

The barista doesn't protest as corvid-girl returns to our table, but they're still giving me a very 'You'd better not try anything' kind of look.

Corvid-girl sits down, seemingly a little more grounded, a little more sobered. "…I guess I never thought to ask, why a white tiger?"

I lean forward, head in one paw, and give a bit of a shrug. "I relate a lot to them."

"To… being treated like a show piece, or whatever you said?"

"…Yeah. When I was little, they called me 'gifted' and put me in a separate school. I remember being excited about it, but it turns out it just meant getting more homework."

"…Ew."

I smile a little bit. "That's what I thought too! They wanted me to be some brilliant prodigy, a genius in the making, but the reality is I was just more observant and better at math than most people, that's all. I actually had to take an extra year of school because I was so bad at it."

"EWW!!"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?? But, then I went to college and graduated at the top of my class, so the joke's on them in the end."

"I wasn't even planning on staying around long enough for college…" She still has a bit of a depressed air about her, but she's not going into a panic. Maybe I'm better with kids than I thought.

"Yeah, I remember, you were going to turn into a beautiful crow and fly away forever." I try to give her a reassuring look. "But hey, the human world isn't ALL bad."

"Says the woman who's turning herself into a wild animal."

I snort quietly as I hold back a laugh. "Okay, fair, but wild animals don't get the internet, or nice little cafes where weirdos like us can just sit and talk."

"Hah, yeah… Weirdos like us." She gives a smile. An actual, genuine smile. Suddenly all the awkwardness is worth it, to see someone so deeply unhappy smile. "That reminds me, I saw on the server you're into witchcraft, can you… teach me?"

Somehow I feel like I should have expected this. The goth-looking crow girl is into witchcraft, big surprise. "I… guess? Maybe? I'm not like an expert or anything, I've just read a few books and cast a few spells is all."

"Ooh, what kind of spells??" And now she's back to her enthusiastic self.

"Just some protective charms on people who needed them, a few card readings with a tarot deck, nothing much really…"

"Does it really work??"

"I mean, the people I cast those charms on ended up safe in the end, but who knows if what I did made a difference? Some of the card readings were scary-accurate though, I think I might have a talent for divination."

She laughs. "Gonna have to get you to read my future sometime."

We end up spending the next hour or so making small talk, getting to know each other, talking about the ins and outs of humanity removal, complaining about Dr. Erian, until…

"Hey, I gotta go catch the bus back home, but… this was nice." She gives a bit of a smirk. "Cool to meet another weirdo."

Before she leaves, I ask her name - I still don't know it, I've been internally calling her 'corvid-girl' this entire time.

She gives me a disgusted grimace. "Ugh, it's 'Margaret'. I'm named for my great-grandmother, it's SUCH an old-lady name."

"Margaret, like Maggie, as in magpie?" I smile a little. "Those are corvids too, you know."

Her expression softens a little. "…Never thought of that. Still don't like it, though…"

"Well, is there a name you'd like better? I can start calling you that if you like."

She freezes. Somewhere in her eyes I can see her mind working to process what I've just said. "…Nobody ever asked me that before. I'll… think about it." She turns to leave.

"Wait, hold on a sec."

"WHAT!?" She outright glares at me, then seems to soften. "Sorry, it's… never mind."

That… was an EXTREMELY sudden mood shift. Trauma response, maybe? "I… was just going to ask if you wanted a sandwich or something to take home."

"…Didn't bring any money…"

I shake my head a little. "That doesn't answer my question. Would you like me to BUY you a sandwich or something?"

"…Egg salad if they got it I guess…"

I go up to the counter and buy her an egg salad sandwich to go. She looks like she's going to cry when I hand it to her. I… probably shouldn't make a big deal about that, but somewhere deep inside, my heart breaks a little. Does she never have anyone just… offer her food?

I'm beginning to understand why she wants to leave behind the curse of humanity. I chose this path, I wanted to be a tiger, I'm running towards something. Corvid-girl, though? She's running away from something.

I walk her outside, and she starts to walk away, but suddenly stops, and turns back to me. She walks resolutely up to me, then grabs me in a hug.

"Soft…" Her voice is muffled against both my shirt and the fur underneath. "You're very soft…"

Once I get over my surprise at the sudden gesture, I hesitantly put one arm around her shoulders and pat her on the back. She pulls away after a few short moments, and walks away down the sidewalk without another word.

I touch my shirt where her head was leaning, and notice a small wet spot.

---

Time to play "Spot the References!" Intentional references below:

"something about a 'foolish undine'" - welldrawnfish (Fish HRT)

"the first well-known humanity remover was a dragon-girl" - ayviedoesthings (Dragon HRT)

"I've been hanging out and playing online games with a lamia" - ariathelamia (Lamia HRT)

"someone out there transitioning to Sonic the Hedgehog" - sonic-spirit (Sonic HRT)

"watching a stream of this one dragon girl talking about her changes" - Rain, by Jocelyn Samara D. (Dragon HRT)

[maureen-corpse]

All the news that's fit to print from r/fountainpens

So, I alluded yesterday to drama about fountain pen retailers and then I promised in the notes that I might write about the drama. And by golly, I'm going to do that!

First, caveats: I am not deeply involved in r/fountainpens (I only read and never post). I have seen some people talk about a related Discord server, which I am also not a part of. I am generally not deeply involved in the fountain pen community at large. I did join Fountain Pen Network at some point but I haven't posted in years. So, I was not involved in any of the interactions I'm going to talk about, and because some things have been deleted or only talked about, I'm going to be going off of my recollections. Remember, witness testimony is not always reliable! And witness testimony of witness testimony? Goodness gracious.

Also, this may get long, so buckle up.

Now, let's get started.

This is about the Goulet Pen Company. The Goulet Pen Company (GPC or Goulet) is a Virginia-based online seller of fountain pens and related paraphernalia: ink, paper, accessories, some glass dip pens, an occasional rollerball, etc. GPC also features a lot of useful educational tools, such as videos about pens and their various types and the handy Nib Nook, where you can compare the writing of different nibs with most variables removed. Goulet isn't really unusual for this; JetPens, for example, has guides as well. English does love alliteration, though, it has to be said. Go read Beowulf.

Goulet has also been producing a podcast, or as it is more commonly known, the Goulet Pencast, for some time. The main face of the Pencast is Drew Brown (along with Brian Goulet). Now, here's the big thing: Drew is no longer with GPC. The Pencast took a brief hiatus, and people who follow it were concerned, and the most recent episode confirmed that Drew would no longer be a part of the Goulet Pen Company or the Pencast. Drew is a much beloved figure. I personally never got into the Pencast (listen, the episodes are long!), but I saw him in product videos and never saw a reason to dislike him, so I'm sure that the Pencast was a way people really got to know and love him.

Now, Brian and Rachel Goulet, in the most recent episode, did not go into detail about why Drew was no longer with GPC; they confirmed his departure and expressed their sadness. Many r/fountainpen users would like to know more, and so they began speculating. Some came up with benign or not actually that fun for subreddit drama reasons: maybe Drew just moved on. Maybe there was a dispute over pay. Maybe Drew or a family member had a health issue he needed to leave to focus on. Other things were proposed: maybe it was actually a difference of political opinion--Drew seems to lean more liberal whereas the Goulets seem to lean more conservative.

At some point, someone pointed out this portion of a Goulet newsletter that had been sent out (apparently in August):

(transcription in alt text)

I admit: To me, this reads like a pretty typical "Hi we are a small business in the southern United States so here are three vague paragraphs about our life so that this marketing material we're sending has that personal family touch" thing.

However, some redditors latched on to the bit about them being on the startup team for a new church, and that fueled some of the speculation that Drew left Goulet because of political differences.

Now, here's where the Lockening began: someone figured out what the startup church was, probably using known facts about the Goulets (their location in Virginia and the date of the first service noted by Rachel above), and they found the startup church's parent church. And they found a podcast put out by that parent church and they hurried to r/fountainpens to post screenshots of a transcript from that podcast where the speaker compares homosexuality to murder. In the sense of "glorifying sins" or whatever, not saying "killing a man is the same as fucking him." This is the kind of rhetoric I see a lot, so I don't really get surprised and appalled by it the way some folks do. Anyway, the issue then became: do the Goulets espouse these beliefs?

Well, not to worry: someone else found a statement of belief from one of the churches and posted that! (No, I don't recall if it was the parent or the startup, and sadly, I don't have a screenshot.) Anyway, yes, they weren't big on homosexuality, and they were fans of male headship of the family. So fun. There was, interestingly, a line about how complete agreement wasn't necessary for membership in the church.

We don't actually know, still, if the Goulets espouse these beliefs. They're part of the launch team for this church, but I've seen people go to pretty big extremes for churches they don't share beliefs with simply because they like a style of worship better. People put blinders on all the time for things. (Am I making excuses for the Goulets here? I don't know. Maybe I'm trying to be a North Carolinian saying something nice about Virginians for once. I still don't like how they drive.)

Someone also pointed out that fairly recently GPC did advertise products in Pride Month. I don't think it's something they do consistently and the instance someone referenced was in 2022 or something, but that's not a long time ago.

Anyway, that thread was quickly locked, and as far as I can tell, has been deleted. This has not stopped other redditors from making new threads to try and discuss the Goulet Problem further, or to decry the actions of the mods, or to recommend queer-friendly fountain pen stores. These threads are also being locked.

An added bonus is that now without that thread for easy reference--even if it's just locked that means it can't stay at the top for discussion--some people now think Brian was on a podcast saying homosexuality was identical to murder. So! It's a mess! The fountain pen users are pretty cranky. I think that's where we are now, and I think that sums it up, for the most part. I welcome corrections and additional screenshots if people have them. 🫡

And I have not even gotten into the Noodler's thing here. And you know what? I don't think I will.

[spiderm444rk]

hi guys, i didn’t really have the strength to come here and speak up about the taeil issue yesterday, but it’s extremely important to address this so i definitely have something to say about it.

i was at work yesterday, and i found out about the whole scandal during my 30 minute break, and i was half convinced it’s not real and he didn’t really get kicked out for like the first half of it - it was a shock, to randomly find out a person i stanned and supported for 4 years would be capable of doing something like this. once i realized it’s actually happening and sm kicked him out without a second thought, i understood how serious the scandal is and that no one is exaggerating.

i understand the whole situation makes us all feel disappointed and disgusted, and that it’s a sensitive topic, but i think it’s very important to educate ourselves about this and hold taeil accountable. let’s go over it together.

i saw too many kpop stans spreading misinformation, which in the end negatively affects the victim of this case the most . by making up fake stuff for clout, you only take away the attention from the actual victim who is trying to tell her story and get her justice. we don’t do that over here.

first of all, i hope everyone is aware that this is a REAL issue and that it actually happened. this isn’t a rumour, he’s an actual criminal. the police literally charged him with a sex related crime. sm, who is known for giving problematic people a second choice kicked him out IMMEDIATELY. no hiatus, no nothing. he’s just out of the picture. his bubble got terminated today. he’s being removed from nct zone. all of his album photocards are getting replaced by group photocards as we speak. sm is working hard to separate him from the group image asap. if this doesn’t speak volumes about how serious this scandal is, i don’t know what does. i hope NO ONE supports that man anymore. unfollowing him isn’t something to brag about, it’s just common sense. rapists deserve to rot behind the bars.

i saw a lot of people say they won’t believe it until it’s proven, but what more do you need? it already is proven. the whole group unfollowed him - not only 127, but dream and wayv too. taeyong deleted every picture with him while being in the military. this isn’t sm kicking him out because it will make the group look bad, they kicked him out because he’s a confirmed criminal. “i’m gonna wait until he’s proven guilty” he already is. hold that pathetic mistake of a man accountable.

but what i wanted to talk about the most - for the sake of the victim. let’s not blindly believe every lie we see on the internet and disregard the victim’s story.

- THE ONLY THING CONFIRMED IS THAT TAEIL IS CHARGED WITH A SEX RELATED CRIME. they didn’t specify anything. we don’t know what exactly it is, but i think we can all picture how terrible it needs to be for sm to kick him out of the company without a second thought.

- the investigation has been going on since june, but no one except the police and the victim who reported him knew. taeil of course knew he’s guilty, but he didn’t know he’s under investigation, and neither did sm or the rest of the nct members. they all learned about it - according to sm - in the middle of august, AFTER the last 127 fan meeting. so no, it’s not like they knew and included him anyway. it’s not like taeil knew he’s being investigated and went there to meet fans with a big smile on his face.

i’m obviously not saying this to protect him, but let’s not make it seem like all of the neos already knew and just kept being best friends with a rapist, especially in front of people who support them and love them. they didn’t know, and neither did the company. as soon as sm found out (from the police), he was out of the group.

- none of the rumours are confirmed. i’m not saying they can’t be real, but since it’s not confirmed, let’s focus on what we know (let me repeat myself) - taeil is guilty, sm and nct learned about it in the middle of august, he got kicked almost immediately. the police also confirmed the victim A is an adult woman, and no underage victim of the same gender is involved in this case. they said they won’t reveal any information about the progress of the case so the victim’s identity stays anonymous.

that’s it.

but what does it really mean ? there was a rumour about taeil raping an 11 year old girl to the point where she’s now permanently disabled, and abusing her for 6 years and hacking her phone so she couldn’t report him- NOT CONFIRMED. this case also isn’t about her. the victim who reported him is an adult woman. this doesn’t mean it can’t be real, or that there aren’t more victims out there, but it’s not the case that is being investigated right now.

people are also saying that taeil’s car accident didn’t actually happen, and that it was this girl’s grandpa/family member who broke his leg when they went to beat him up for what he did to the girl and that the car accident was just a cover up - also not confirmed. people are probably just trying to gain clout.

the @ agnes_121430 instagram account has been commenting on taeils ig posts since june, but she also posted about her case getting closed today, so she isn’t the actual victim in this case. she also said she never actually met taeil face to face (?).

taeil also isn’t involved in the burning sun scandal (yet, because once again, it’s not confirmed by any relevant platform) but this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t bring it up again, because the chance that he or other male idols are involved is still there. korean women are suffering, we need to keep bringing this up.

same thing is with the Nth room, or any other similar telegram group chat. the Nth room is a group chat where you need to PAY a high fee to even get in, and the members of this group chat literally record women without their consent and even without them knowing and then sell the videos in that gc. random women, but even their FAMILY MEMBERS. they also make deepfakes of women - their sisters, mothers, they don’t care. they also target schools and the girl students in there. they threaten the girls to record themselves doing really fucked up stuff and then send it to the group chat, or just straight up drug them, touch them without consent, rape them… you can look this up. this scandal is about taeil, but this is also about what do the korean women have to go through, the mentality in south korea is insane. it’s not only a kpop issue, but also a human rights issue, and we need to address it.

also, there’s a rumour the Nth room members are getting exposed tomorrow. this isn’t true. if you see anything, it will be 99% made up, and bored kpop stans will just drag idols without any proof.

everyone needs to understand that we don’t really know these people and we never know who else is involved in stuff like this - i really hope no one in nct knew about this and that they aren’t involved, but this is such an unexpected reality check that it’s still hard for me to grasp it and decide what to believe or not. in no way i support taeil, but wow. it’s crazy what men are capable of, while acting like they’re the biggest sweethearts in front of other people.

let’s hold all rapists and people who SA people of any gender and in any way accountable, and expose all celebrities if they ever did something like this. no one wants to support criminals. taeil needs to pay for what he did.

please spread the word and don’t believe everything you see. if anyone wants the source of what i’m saying, i can dm it to you. i hope everything will get better with time and this isn’t the definitive downfall of nct 127, but i guess we’ll have to wait and see. i know this is difficult to deal with. i hope the victim will get her justice, and everyone please take care. i’m with every nctzen out there. stay strong.

[ahiwicave]

another discord drama post

Hi, Hiwi here. One of the mods from the Nevermore Discord server. You may recognize my name because I was put on blast and accused of some heinous things in the whole drama. I didn’t want a tumblr and didn’t want to have to do this, but I see some people are never going to let it go. Just to share some thoughts, from someone who was actually involved in everything:

Crimson did stuff in a side server, and the mod team acted swiftly in the moment we learned of it, even though it was not done inside the server we were modding

Months after an appeal was considered. The original evidence was tampered with, and the person who originally shared it with a third party was banned later for harassing and baiting other users with alts. This included being blatantly xenophobic towards me with an alt account.

The mod team (not Red) decided that a probation period could be extended since we had no other witnesses to inquire about it. 

Crimson came back, and this caused a lot of new witnesses to come out publicly. We were shocked when so many people had new information about this, as we had only the aforementioned evidence to go off of beforehand

Crimson was banned again within the hour. No NSFW was ever shared in the Nevermore Discord.

That should’ve been it, really. A lesson learned for the mod team. But it was not enough for some people.

The tumblr call out came long after the situation had been dealt with. The drama was exaggerated, with tons of misinformation and downright savage hate, blaming Red for things she never did or never were about her. Lots of people who had issues before (and unrelated to the Crimson situation) jumped on the chance to continue their beef, adding a lot of noise and ridiculous accusations, muddying the waters for everyone. 

Red was not the person who took the decisions for any of this, and shouldn't have been held accountable for something that happened outside our scope. People should've used the proper Discord channels to report Crimson’s  behavior happening outside the Nevermore server. Discord is the only entity that can truly stop an account in every server, actually keeping everyone safe. Every social media has the option to report accounts, and getting those people completely off the platform is way more effective than just removing them from a single server. 

Still, Red apologized. People that don't think it's a good apology are people that are still blaming Red for things she didn't do.

Red’s apology had a lot of context, because people decided to take everything outside of Discord and paint it in the worst possible light. A lot of people commenting were posing like innocent bystanders adding to the flames, when in reality they were already involved, and it was necessary to point them out.

Sharing the discord nicknames of people involved is not putting anyone in danger, no matter what their age is. It's not any real name or address. The same people claiming this puts them in danger had apparently no fear of confirming "yes that's me” when the information given was not getting tied back to them.

This whole tumblr thing highlighted how Red and Flynn shouldn’t be trying to mod the community, which has grown a lot more than we expected when the server was first created. They wisely decided to step back to focus on just creating Nevermore.

So Red and Flynn decided to step out, leaving the modding to over 10 people. They've not participated in the mod decisions taken since the server reopened with a new mod team, over a month ago.

Many of the people involved in the Tumblr callouts and harassment were allowed back into the server, despite publicly participating in smearing the server, the creators, and me. 

The new mod team is still figuring out the best way to mod a community this big. We want to prioritize safety while still having a chill atmosphere people can enjoy. 

The reopening brought changes to the rules and the security in the server. This included taking on onboarding, as well as required phone verification, and new rules about modding outside issues.

We started with the strict policy of no ban will be appealed. This is because giving people second chances is what caused the Crimson situation. It will probably be revisited as we continue learning and deciding what's the best approach to mod the community.

People that were involved in the tumblr discourse continued breaking the rules inside the server. We want to move on from this and letting it fester inside the server would not allow the community to heal and grow. They were warned, and a lot of them continued trying to bait for more drama, so then we banned them. There is no such thing as “banned without reason”, just “banned for a reason the user doesn’t agree with”. 

Banned people are not owed explanations or second chances. If there is no appeal, there is no reason to discuss it further with them. If you’ve been banned from a space, you’re not a good match for it. I personally would not like to go back to a place that banned me, for whatever reason. Being banned is not the end of the world, the community is far bigger than the discord server and your friends exist outside of it, too. 

It's truly mind blowing to learn tumblr is at it again. We removed Crimson immediately, Red and Flynn are no longer modding, the mod team tripled in size, there is more security in the server, and we’re actively working on making things better and opened everything up for suggestions from the users in the Discord. We’re all doing our best to avoid a situation like Crimson happening ever again.  

People who publicly claimed to leave the fandom and left/were banned from the server continue being hung up on it. Please move on. You've said multiple times how much you don't like it here. You don't want to be here, we don't want you here. Stop spreading your toxicity in a tag where people just want to move on and enjoy fan content.

You are allowed to stop supporting or enjoying anything for whatever reason. No one is forcing you to remain in the Nevermore community. 

You don’t have to ruin it for everyone on the way out. Turning on other people and harassing bystanders just because they don’t join your hate train is wild. 

Stop blaming Red and Flynn for the actions of a mod team. Your personal vendetta against creators that are just trying to write a story you claimed to enjoy is getting out of hand. Please move on, for your own mental health and everyone else’s. 

I will go back to Discord now, I just wanted to clear up some things for anyone getting bombarded by the misinformation. I hope this is the last of irrelevant Discord stuff muddying up this tag, and you all can go back to enjoying art, theories, and memes.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Fend For Your Life

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~3.5k

Warnings: plane crash angst, everyone on board is dead but you, survivor's guilt, sewing yourself up painfully

Request by anon: Can I please request Jennifer Jareau x reader. Reader is sent on an important undercover mission, so when her helicopter 'crashes' in the middle of nowhere and she is stranded on an island for months on end. Jj (her wife) and the team are going out of their way to find her. (Once reader returns from the island, she isn't the same as before she left. Little things scare her, etc.she also leaves the bau)

Summary: You're going on a solo mission with two SWAT members to save victims you don't know are alive in a country you've never been to before while the rest of the team searches for the unsub. JJ, your wife, eagerly waits for your arrival back home... but that never comes.

Square Filled: rescue mission for @badthingshappenbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

This is the biggest mission you’ve ever been on while at the BAU. The unsub is kidnapping young women in Florida and taking them to a remote location somewhere in Cuba. Your mission is to go to Cuba and rescue the victims (however many that may be) and bring them back home. You’ll be going with two SWAT members while the rest of the BAU works to hunt the unsub down before he snatches another girl.

Your team profiled that the unsub is in Florida right now based on the airport traffic. You’d given the sketch to all airports in Florida, and one of them stated that someone like that came through not that long ago. It’ll take you an hour to get to Havana where you believe the unsub is holding his victims, and you’re only going on a rescue mission so you don’t need other agents with you. Plus, you’d have two SWAT members with you, so you’ll be okay.

“Someone should go with you,” JJ says as you prepare for the flight.

“Baby, you know we need everyone on the ground here. This unsub is smart. The fewer agents we have trying to get him, he could get away. I’ll be fine.”

JJ bites her lower lip in concern, and you prepare to walk over to her. You reach up and remove her lip from between her teeth. She sighs heavily and looks you in the eyes.

“You know I worry.”

“JJ, my love, I will be okay. I’ll return home with however many hostages in no time. The flight is only an hour.” You pull your wife in for a kiss that will ease her concerns. She always feels better after one of your kisses. “Be strong. I will be okay.”

“Please be careful,” she whispers.

“I always am.”

She and Hotch escorts you to the plane that’s waiting for you where the pilot and the two SWAT members are.

“Remember, get the hostages and leave. We don’t know if this unsub has partners or not. We don’t know what’s happening over there.”

“Hotch, you’re gonna scare my wife,” you chuckle. “I will be fine. Just focus on getting the unsub. He’s here somewhere. I have faith in you.”

“Good luck,” Hotch nods and leaves you and JJ alone.

“Promise me we’re gonna take this weekend off and get a hotel or something.”

“I promise. You can pick whatever place you want. I gotta go. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You kiss her quickly and get on the plane. She waits until the door is closed before returning to Hotch who is in the car. As you said, the flight only takes an hour, and there is no issue with getting there. The Havana Police meet you at the airport and guide you to the location where they suspect the unsub has taken his victims. The run-down warehouse is located in a remote part of town where the only people that come here is to buy fish and make illegal deals for a multitude of things.

You’re the lead agent on this team so you’re responsible for what happens to every single person with you. The Havana Police wait outside while the two SWAT members go in first. They secure the room before allowing you inside, and you hold your gun out in front of you protectively. This place is big so you have to sweep it from left to right and not miss a single room.

There isn’t much artificial light that helps, so you have to rely on the natural light that seeps in through the high windows and cracks from the doors. This place is covered from head to toe with dust since this place hasn’t been used in a while. It used to be a booming warehouse that shipped and stocked high-grade fishing equipment for big ships, but ever since the company bought a bigger place closer to where the ports are, this place got shut down.

The first two rooms are used for storage that is too small to hold victims, and the next two are bone-dry with no furniture or anything inside. There are high shelves with equipment on them lining the middle of the big warehouse that you move through while keeping your ears on alert. Any little noise or movement will have you and the two SWAT members ready to attack.

You reach one of the back rooms that is locked which is weird since no one uses this warehouse anymore. The Havana Police say they’re in the process of emptying this place out but haven’t gotten time to remove everything yet.

“Can you get this open?” you whisper to the SWAT member who has a background in opening locks.

“Easy,” he whispers back.

You and the other SWAT member watch his back while he gets on his knees and works to unlock the door. It takes him only a minute which according to him, that’s his record. The same man grabs the doorknob and waits for your cue before opening it. You burst inside with your gun drawn just in case there is anyone inside that wants to attack you. 

Instead of the unsub or a potential partner, there is a young woman in the middle of the room tied to a concrete pole. There are two other women lying on the ground but based on the smell they’re emitting, they’re dead and have been dead for a while. Still, you walk over to them and check for a pulse even though you know it’s pointless. Next, you move to the woman in the middle of the room and use your knife to cut her loose.

“Please help me,” she cries.

“My name is Agent Y/N with the FBI. You’re going to be okay. Your name is Elizabeth, right?”

“Yeah. He killed them,” she sobs. “He just let them die.”

“Okay, come on. Let’s get you home. Are you okay?” She nods, and you help her to her feet and bring her outside where the Havana Police are. “There are two more girls inside who are dead. I need to get her back to the States. My team will coordinate with you in bringing the other two back home so their families can claim them.”

“Of course,” the lead detective says.

To not disturb the plane’s navigation system, you wait until you’re in the air to call Hotch. The two SWAT members are relaxing, Elizabeth is trying to get some sleep, and you’re by yourself in the back. Everyone is waiting in the briefing room for you to call. They caught the unsub when he was trying to get to the harbor with another victim, so all they’re waiting for is for you to return.

“Go ahead, Y/N. You’re on speakerphone with everyone in the room,” Hotch says.

“I got the hostage, Elizabeth. The other two women were dead when I arrived. I told the detective that you’d coordinate with them to bring them home. I would have stayed, but Elizabeth needs a hospital.”

“I understand. We got the unsub. He’s in interrogation right now.”

“I got a hold of Elizabeth’s family. They should be on their way now,” JJ says. “By the time you get back, they’ll be here.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured. Don’t worry, JJ, I will make sure--”

Just like that, the line goes dead.

“Y/N? Are you there?” There is no answer. “What the hell happened?”

“Garcia, can you trace the call?”

Penelope gets on her laptop and tries to pinpoint your location but is unable to. It’s like the signal got lost in the middle of the ocean.

“Sir, I can’t find it.”

“What do you mean you can’t find it?” JJ panics.

“It means she’s in the middle of the ocean and there are no cell towers out there. I can’t pinpoint the location.”

“What the hell happened to her?”

What the hell did happen to you? You have to blink several times to get your vision to focus which is when you finally see the situation for what it is. Fire is all around you like an unwanted guest in your home. You look down and see both SWAT members dead on the ground, you try to look up and see the pilot is impaled on a branch sticking out of the base of the tree, and you look to your left to see Elizabeth still in her seat. However, her head is backward because her neck is broken.

“Oh, God,” you gasp.

Your plane went down. Something went wrong and it crashed into some island in the middle of nowhere. Why are you the only one that’s alive? How the hell are you gonna get home now? You look down and see a big metal shard from the plane stuck in your leg. The only way you’re going to survive is if you get out of this. It’s gonna hurt like hell but you have to do what you have to do.

You’re not that high above ground so you feel confident you can survive the fall to the ground. You unbuckle your seatbelt and fall to the ground on your ass. Pain erupts from the impact site but it’s nothing compared to the pain in your leg. The plane is broken up into dozens of pieces across a vast expanse of the jungle, and the first aid kit is located in one of those pieces.

If you remove the shard now, you can bleed out so you have to make sure you have the first aid kit with you before you do anything. You can’t put any pressure on your leg or else the shard will be forced out by the pressure, so you crawl over to the area where the first aid kit should be. Luck is on your side because you find it easily and you open it to see what you’re working with.

To prevent yourself from bleeding out, you remove one of your shoestrings so you can make a tourniquet. You tighten the shoestring so tight to cut off your blood supply to the area before yanking the shard out. You scream out in pain and reach into the first aid kit with shaky hands. There are needles and stitches since you thought it was a good idea to include those in first aid kits. You’re not the best when it comes to sewing but you try your best to close your wound.

You scream out in pain when the needle makes contact with your skin.

“Garcia, did you find anything?” JJ asks.

Penelope has not stopped looking for you and Hotch is on the phone with the Coast Guard. They might be able to help if they’d seen a plane go crashing down--if that’s what happened.

“I’m trying to find something I can use that--Wait! I found something. Reports are flooding in from a cruise ship that claims it saw a plane go crashing down in flames.”

“Oh, my God,” JJ whispers and lets her tears fall.

“Okay, I’ll be in touch,” Hotch says and hangs up. “Find that plane, Garcia.”

It hurt like a bitch but you managed to sew your skin together to keep your wound closed. Your hands and leg are covered in your blood, but no new blood has seeped out of your wound. Before you wrap the wound in gauze, you need to clean the wound. There isn’t much when it comes to cleaning solutions but there is a small stream of water close to where the plane crashed.

If you couldn’t put weight on your leg before, you certainly can’t do it now. You scoot along the ground over to where the stream is with the gauze in hand. This is a fresh water stream so it doesn’t burn when you clean your leg and wound. Once done, you place the gauze around your leg to prevent bugs and dirt from getting into the wound and infecting it. If you don’t receive medical care soon, you’re scared you’re going to lose your leg.

Who knows when you’re going to get found or if the BAU even knows you’re gone? You were on the phone with them when the plane landed so they must know something happened to you. When are you going to get found? Are you going to get found? What will happen to your leg if you don’t get to a hospital?

The first thing you need to do is find shelter because you’ve already found water to drink, which you take some time to rehydrate. You don’t have the best survival skills when it comes to this kind of stuff, but you do know you need to shelter yourself from the hot sun and the cold nights. Parts of the plane will have to do since you’re not sure how you’re going to build something with a busted leg and have no knowledge of how to do this.

Fortunately, there is a section of the plane that is hollow enough for you to fit comfortably inside. The next thing you need to do is build a fire to keep you warm during the night. Your parents sent you to summer camps when you were younger that taught you how to survive in the wild if you ever needed to, but that was such a long time ago. You used to be an expert at making fires but you haven’t used this skill in such a long time.

You can either use your glasses to magnify the sun to start a fire, use two rocks to create a spark, or rub two pieces of wood together to create enough friction for a fire. Either way, you’re stuck trying to make the fire all day. As long as the sun is still up, you have hope that a fire can be started before nightfall.

The only supplies you have are three guns and a knife Derek gifted to you for Christmas last year. If you want to eat, you’ll have to kill for it before the animals kill you. Besides the fire crackling next to you and the sounds of animals, there are no sounds to give you comfort. There is no doubt that the animals smell your blood and the dead bodies. They will come for you sooner or later, and you pray it’s the latter.

Don’t fall asleep. You’re scared they’ll get you if you fall asleep.

Penelope comes into work extra early to try and find where the plane is. No one got any good sleep knowing you’re out there suffering and JJ refused to sleep without you next to her. She is exhausted when she comes to work but she won’t stop until you’re found.

“Pen, did you find anything?” she yawns and grabs some coffee.

“I might have.” Both she and JJ walk to the briefing room where everyone else is. “So, I found the general area where Y/N could have landed, but it’s not an exact location.”

“That’s good, right?” Spencer asks.

“No. The problem is that there are twenty islands within that vicinity, and I can’t narrow down the list. She’s in the Bahamas.”

For being in the Bahamas, this fucking sucks. You’re in some kind of jungle with no one around you for hundreds of miles. Whatever went wrong with the plane, you don’t think you were meant to be a survivor. It could have been a mechanical failure, the pilot could have done this on purpose, or someone could have shot you out of the sky. Without your team here, you’re not sure how you crash-landed.

Your leg isn’t doing any better because it’s throbbing, and even through the bandages you can see how infected it is. You’re trying to wash it out with water every so often to keep it clean but it’s hard, and the first aid kit isn’t helping much anymore. You’re starving since you haven't eaten anything since before you left Florida. You haven’t had the heart to kill anything because you hate killing live animals. JJ often makes fun of you for not being able to kill a fly so it’s heartbreaking knowing you’ll have to kill an animal for food.

How long will you be able to live like this before you succumb to the sweet relief of death?

The first two islands that the BAU searched were a bust. They started with the smallest ones in hopes you’ll be there but nothing came up. It took a couple of days per island to search and the longer you go unfound, the more JJ’s heart breaks.

Days turned to weeks that turned to months, and you’re not sure if you’re ever going to go home. You’re lying on the ground in silence except for the animals who have definitely gotten closer to you. They’re eating through the dead bodies and will eventually make their way to you. You don’t have enough bullets to protect yourself with, but maybe you can make it another week.

At least the stars look pretty.

It takes weeks to scour through the bigger islands with the hope of finding you alive getting smaller and smaller. Half of the team believes you’re dead while the other half are starting to think that. JJ flat-out refuses to believe you’re gone until she sees a body. The only reason they’re still looking for you and wasting resources is that you’d do the same for them if they were lost. You’re part of their family and they need to find you dead or alive at this point.

Eventually, they reach one of the biggest islands in that group of twenty. They only have a few more islands to go through so if they don’t find you within those, there’s no telling where you can be.

“Y/N!” JJ yells as she treks through the dense forest. The rest of the team is behind her looking and calling out for you as well. There is a helicopter above you to get some aerial views of the islands. They walk a mile further into the island when they see the first sign that you’re here: part of the plane. “Guys! Look! Y/N!!”

You’re lying on the ground in so much pain from your leg and from your stomach. You’ve eaten very little since the crash so you’ve lost a lot of weight which means you’re so tired. You don’t have any bullets anymore to protect yourself but what’s the point if you’re going to die here anyway? You close your eyes to get some sleep when you hear your name being faintly called.

Are you hallucinating? This isn’t the first time you thought you heard your wife calling for you. Maybe this has been a really bad dream and you’re at home in bed with JJ. Your leg isn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be but it’s very red and oozing pus even through the gauze.

“Y/N!”

“I’m here,” you mutter weakly. The team follows the plane parts to where the main crash is and where you are. JJ gasps and runs over to you to make sure you’re alive. “You found me.”

“I’m right here. Oh, my God! Guys! I found her!” JJ cries.

Derek and Emily join JJ’s side to help you while the rest checks on the others even though it’s pretty clear they’re dead.

“They’ve been dead for months,” you groan as they help you sit up. “I’m so happy to see you guys.”

Hotch takes out his phone to contact the people in the helicopters.

“We found her. We need a medic down here.”

“You don’t have to worry anymore. You’re gonna be okay,” JJ promises.

You’re taken to the States immediately with JJ and Hotch in the helicopter with you while the others stay behind to get the dead bodies back to their families and to figure out why the plane went down. You’re taken into surgery as soon as you get to the hospital which lasted more than twenty-four hours. They saved your leg but you’re going to have to endure physical therapy for months to get you back to how you were walking before, and you might not even get there.

Still, you’d take this over dying alone any day.

You’re severely malnourished so you’re hooked up to IVs to give you the nutrients you’ve lacked for months.

“JJ?” you whisper.

She is by the window just thinking when she hears your voice. She quickly turns and joins your side by the bed. She takes your hand and kisses the back of it.

“What is it, baby?”

“I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Don’t. This is not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I tried for months to keep the animals off them, but I guess I wasn’t successful,” you cry. JJ wants to cry for you knowing what you must have gone through but she doesn’t let them fall. “I’m so hungry.”

“Do you want jello?”

“Yes, please,” you sniffle.

She leaves the room in search of some jello which gives you time to reflect on your future as a person and with the BAU. You’re not so sure you can continue this job because these last two months have changed you in ways you never thought you’d change, and you don’t think it’s for the better.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[cnjosephs]

Random list of writing tips

If you're stuck on something and don't know how to go forward, the issue probably isn't what you're trying to write—it's what you've already written. Maybe you can't figure out how to get your characters out of this situation because it wasn't in-character for them to get in the situation to begin with, or maybe you tried to have that big emotional conversation too early and it's falling flat, or maybe there's just something about how the last paragraph is written that's making it hard to go forward. Try backtracking a bit and going in a different direction

Varying your sentence length can make your writing flow much better and feel more engaging

You don't need to entirely avoid artful, fanciful descriptions of things, but you should figure out the best way to use them that fits the style you're going for without feeling overused. Sometimes you need an in-depth, poetry-like description of a bedroom. Sometimes we just need to know there's a bed in there. Unfortunately, it is up to you to figure out what's the right call for each situation

Get way weirder with your writing than you are right now

"Show, don't tell" is a lie. The truth is that you should sometimes show, and sometimes tell, and the only way to consistently figure out when is the right time for each is to write a lot and read a lot until you develop a good feel for it. But people really like to pass around "Show, don't tell" because it does better in cute Instagram graphics than "Practice a lot until you figure out how to do it"

"Writing" is not a skill. "Writing" is an umbrella term for a few dozen different skills that are all only vaguely connected to each other. Writing a novel is different than writing a poem is different than writing a short story is different than writing an essay. Even within those categories, you can break it down even further (editing is different than worldbuilding is different than writing dialogue, etc etc). Writing short stories will hone a lot of skills that can transfer to novel writing, but ultimately, if you wanna get really good at writing novels, you've just gotta write a bunch of novels

And, jumping off of that: it is so perfectly okay to write a novel and not publish it. Sometimes a novel exists in this world so it can be published. Sometimes a novel exists in this world so you can practice writing novels & make the next one better

Don't permanently delete things from your writing—cut and paste them into a separate document. On the practical side, you may be able to re-use it later. And on the "getting over an emotional hurdle" side, it's a lot easier to remove stuff from your manuscript if you know it's not gone forever and you can put it back in if you regret taking it out

Are you having trouble editing your manuscript/revising your outline/etc because you're worried that the changes you make will be worse than what you have right now? Make a copy of your document and edit that. Now the original still exists perfectly preserved, so if you really do end up hating your new version, the old one still exists to go back to

Sometimes the best way to figure out the plot/characters/etc is to just start writing the damn thing

Giving your characters hobbies/interests that aren't relevant to the main plot and mentioning them occasionally is a really easy way to make your characters feel more real. It's easier to feel like the characters keep existing when they're not actively on the page if we can imagine what they're doing when the focus isn't on them

Also, related to the above, giving your character a hobby/interest that feels surprising can instantly give them more depth and make them feel more complex. Tell me your catty high school mean girl likes shopping & fashion and I'll think "yup, ok, most characters in that archetype do". Tell me that she's deeply passionate about repairing vintage cars and alright, you've caught my attention. Later elaborate that this passion started from the summers she spent with her butch dyke aunt as a kid and now suddenly this character feels way more interesting to me

Stop hunching over like that when you write. You're gonna fuck up your back

Personally, my characters tend to change a bit as I'm writing—not in the character development sense, but in the sense that my understanding of them/the type of character I want them to be shifts a little. If you're in the same boat, I recommend periodically doing what I refer to as "he would not fucking say that" checks, i.e. go backtrack to the beginning of the story and make sure that the way the characters are written in the early chapters still matches how you wanna be writing them

Giving yourself rewards for writing milestones is good. Those rewards should not be your basic needs (e.g. "I'll eat dinner once I hit 5k words")

The right amount of worldbuilding for your speculative fiction story is the amount that 1) suits the story and 2) you will enjoy doing. Some spec fic exists as an in-depth exploration of a secondary world, and it calls for very in-depth worldbuilding. Other times you just thought it'd be fun to have elves in your murder mystery and you know what, it's probably fine to not kill yourself doing a bunch of worldbuilding if you won't enjoy that

The time you spend brainstorming/developing the story/deepening your understanding of the characters/etc is also part of writing and is not wasted time

Creating a "which of my OCs are you" uquiz and sending it to your friends is unironically a really fun way to get you thinking about what makes each of your characters unique from each other and what their defining traits are

No matter how much you tone down your story, there are still going to be people who hate it, still people who call it degenerate filth, still people on the internet who will find excuses to call it the most harmful piece of fiction that has ever existed. Stop tailoring your book to what's least likely to make people on tumblr hate you and start writing what you enjoy

You must not fear cringe. Cringe is the mindkiller. Cringe is the little-death that brings total artistic obliteration. You will face being cringe. You will permit it to pass over you and through you. And when it has gone past you will turn the inner eye to see that the entire concept of "being cringe" is stupid. Where the cringe has gone there will be nothing. Only your earnest & genuine writing will remain

Seriously though stop being afraid of being cringe or whatever. Don't make your book sound like a Marvel movie. Be more afraid of your book being devoid of genuine emotion than you are of teenagers on tiktok calling your dialogue cringe

Showing us how your characters' flaws negatively impact their lives is a great way to give those flaws more weight

Writing a 1200 word Tumblr post about random writing tips is a great way to avoid writing your actual novel

[sansxreaderbraindump]

#3 "Unkillable bug" (Errorsansxreader fanfic idea)

Fanfic Idea: CP. (Computer Program) Reader is a computer program helper that helps outside players remove Bugs, viruses, and computer issues. You were made to help people how they wanted to be helped. You were placed in a void to do your job, your void is a safe zone for any natural outsiders. You don't let dangerous entities or any "bad sanses" in your void, only natural people can go in. CP. reader is very clean looking (they dislike being touched like error) they wear all white formal dress/suit to look "professional." You are a bit apathic sometimes but emotional aware of other people. CP. reader likes to organize and keep E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G clean! (they are a full on perfectionist, if anything that doesn't feel right. they will spent hours fixing it if they had too. and they kinda have a big ego when it comes to being perfect. Soooo CP. reader and error relationship, you guys didn't like each other but only for a while. Error just crashed in your void unintentionally while you, floating in midair, were helping with a client. you didn't notice him or hear him (you can't hear anyone, only you can hear the clients so you can focus more.) he tried to get out but to no avail, he couldn't get out so he tried to call out to you, but you couldn't hear him so he used a different method. Error decided delete your hologram, you were very surprised by the crash. You've never had any difficulties with a client, hearing a glitched voice calling out to you. you turned around to see a virus, you were impressed and a bit pissed off to see the "Au destroyer" in your void and he ruined your work. you wanted to delete him from your void but turns out it doesn't work and he wasn't happy with your little attempt. so you guys fought till the both of you realized.. You can't kill each other for some reason; so you proceeded to kick him out of the void. you were upset when you gone back to recreate your hologram to see a unhappy review from a player. it damaged your ego so you begin searching for error to confront him about how he gone into your void and you eventually found him. knowing you guys can't kill each other, you and error argued till you left frustrated. Months went by since the incident, everything was fine till THE X EVENT HAPPENED. it interfered with your work and it seems you and error keep on meeting over and over again.. funni tags: (enemies to annoyances to friends to lovers) (Reader is a Perfectionist) (you and error acting like a old married couple moments) (awkward first dating moments) (angst with fluff) (this takes place in underverse idk what part I'm working on it) (non canon and canon scenes) (Reader and error: I HOPE YOU FUCKING KILL YOURSELF! *10 mins later* error to reader: so uhhh you wanna watch Undernovela with me?) (Long ass slowburn like PLEASE KISS EACH OTHER ALREADY! *COUGHS*) (you are the only person that error tolerates to touch) (because you are very clean like mr clean type of clean) (you probably smell like laundry detergent tbh) (first kiss) (....maybe make out AHAHAH /J....unless... ⚆_⚆)

[decepti-thots]

would you be down to give me a rough outline of how Prowl has been characterized over the publication history of the tf comics? I mean, in as far as you know about it. Every time you mention the costa stuff it makes me curious

I can try! I can't really drill down well without a thing to focus on specifically, but here are some general highlights.

Furman (and stuff that directly draws from Furman's run, like AHM as a whole) characterizes him basically as he did when writing Marvel G1, and gives him so little to do that not very much really comes out even then. Uptight, stick-in-his-ass, still a basically Good Guy TM and while he puts people's backs up a little, he's not under any level of suspicion. This is the closest to continuity-agnostic "fanon Prowl" you get in IDW, because that fanon figure draws quite a lot on the Marvel G1 characterization (when it isn't simply making things up wholesale, anyway). Furman copies his own homework, basically, lmao.

Roche is the guy who wrote phase two Prowl into existence as we know him. Rather infamously because he thought it was an interesting take on the character to er, ignore all the above stuff and make the Autobot SIC a rat bastard, lmao. Roche and Barber's interpretations came to dominate the character in IDW going forward, but they do differ. Roche's Prowl is more isolated from other characters (one does not really imagine Wreckers Prowl calling Bumblebee his best friend sincerely, as exRiD Prowl does), and people treat him as disliked by default. Even before the worst of what he does comes out, his reputation precedes him. Also, Roche's Prowl speaks fairly neutrally, whereas exRiD Prowl speaks more casually than fandom tends to admit to! Finally, Roche's Prowl is less spontaneously, outwardly emotional than Barber's is later on, and tends to fit the fanon stereotype of "always restrained" more.

Costa came in post-AHM but pre-Wreckers and hated all that, so he retconned it. LMAO. His Prowl is the archetype of the "good cop" protagonist surrounded by corruption, combined with surface level noir tropes that sort of work in tandem with those but lacking any grit. (Costa seems to understand what noir looks and sounds like, but none of the underlying narrative devices that make it function as noir.) This Prowl is specifically supposed to be (here's the retcon) someone who used to be more deliberately cold, removed and logical but who has specifically decided to change to be different following his experiences on Earth. (Spotlight: Prowl is a good one-issue explanation of Costa's perspective on Prowl, which is not the same as being a good comic.) As time goes on, the sheer unpopularity of this take pushed Costa to undo it a bit, and reintroduce some level of ambivalence to him... but by and large he remains kind of the "good authority figure who objects when the systems are misused" type, almost? His conflict with Spike is very much over the fact he expected better of Spike, see.

Barber's Prowl notably does not wholly throw the Costa stuff out the window. (This is why the Spike stuff features a lot; it's really the only strong emotional hook Costa's work gives you for his version of the character to grab at.) But Prowl is back to being a morally gray figure whose moral ambivalence is very strongly tied to his role as an authority figure- and that's worth mentioning. Prowl's downward spiral being intrinsically linked to his refusal to relinquish authority, and his abuse of it, is something that is all Barber and not Roche. (In Wreckers, Prowl is an asshole because of personal arrogance. In exRiD, he's more an asshole because of his role enabling a wider system, by the end. IMO that's a big difference, anyway.) He is not starting off exRiD loathed by absolutely everyone, or a figure of preexisting serious mistrust. That's something that develops over the course of the comic as things come to light for the characters in-universe, meaning exRiD Prowl feels like he's put up a more convincing shield in front of his worse dealings over the course of the war, perhaps. His position deteriorates significantly over the comic. He is more prone to balancing his deliberate cold-heartedness with angry or emotional outbursts than we saw in Wreckers, leading to him having multiple outbursts that worsen his situation over the course of the comic. This is the Prowl who holds grudges.

Roberts' Prowl is kind of different to talk about to the above because his Prowl in Shadowplay and his Prowl in Titans Return are different genres. I can do a post on that if folks really want but it probably is its own post, haha.

IDK feel free to clarify any specific stuff you'd like a vibe on if you want, this is all just what came to my mind instinctively!

[saltywinteradult]

How would you have written 2x08 to be both pro Rhaenicent and pro Alicent/Team Green?

Gonna focus on the writing of Alicent here, as the show's treatment of the greens is such a big issue that I don't really have the spoons for right now. For the record, my issues with s2 in general and how Alicent and Rhaenicent were handled would unfortunately not be entirely solved by only rewriting 2x08. I'd need to rewrite every episode starting with 1x08.

If I were to only rewrite 2x08, well, first of all I would not make Alicent say she was "very fond" of her rapist husband. That line alone is... well, it's up there with Sansa crediting her abusers for making her strong 🤢 Removing that line alone would do a lot to make Alicent retain some agency and dignity.

I also just... would not have Alicent defect from the greens at all. I'd have her decide that the misunderstanding over the prophecy (which was a stupid and unnecessary plot point to begin with) doesn't matter. Even if this was all a misunderstanding it's too late to turn back and her family’s in danger, so she decides she's gonna do everything she can to protect her family instead of sacrificing one of her kids to save the others. Seriously, the real Alicent, the Alicent who violently attacked the love of her life on Driftmark in anger over her son's maiming would die before betraying her family like that. I will die mad about this character assassination. (Please do not try to convince me that this was not a character assassination - I've had it up to here with people trying to convince me that making Alicent betray her family was A Brilliant And Feminist Storytelling Choice, Actually.)

At this point in the story Alicent and Rhaenyra should be sworn enemies - sworn enemies who still miss each other deep down to be sure, but sworn enemies all the same. So I wouldn't make Alicent go meet Rhaenyra at all. I love seeing Emma and Olivia on screen together as much as anyone, but I don’t think the show is in danger of being cancelled anytime soon, so I don’t see anything wrong with putting that off until next season. Here's how I'd like that to go - book spoilers ahead.

Having Rhaenyra and Alicent remain enemies by the end of s2 would make their reunion when Rhaenyra takes King’s Landing hit all the harder, even moreso if we also remove the sept scene from episode 3. Like, they haven’t seen each other in a long time and they thought they hated each other, only to come face to face again and have a total ”oh fuck” moment in which they both realise that to some extent they do hate each other, and yet they still miss each other. They still love each other, but with so many war crimes and murdered children in the baggage, neither of them can forgive the other. Isn't that just so deliciously tragic?

Much like in the book I'd like for Rhaenyra to execute the rest of the greens but spare Alicent. In the book she said that was for the sake of Viserys's love for Alicent; she could say that in the show too, only it's really because she can't bear to execute Alicent. (It's hardly the first time one of these two used Viserys as a shield: "Your husband? Or you, his daughter's childhood companion?") But Rhaenyra also can’t set her enemy free, so she takes Alicent prisoner and hates every minute of it. Like @standbehindhousestark put it so brilliantly here, "imagine the queen in chains arc with the canon hostility mixed with their queer past." Can you imagine what incredible toxic homoerotic interactions we could get out of that? Maybe even have them on the brink of actually getting together, only for Helaena's death to drive them apart once and for all as Alicent blames Rhaenyra for it? I don't know exactly how I'd want it to play out, but as I have repeated ad nauseam, due to the story itself being a tragedy I think a tragic ending to their relationship would be more satisfying than a happy one. What can I say, I'm a tragedy enjoyer first and a human being second.

[the-grand-gemini]

Big obsessed with all of the BG3 villains. The themes of the cycle of abuse/trauma in all of the main cast makes me feral over how the villains unfortunately do not/did not get the opportunity to be "saved" by Tav (if doing a good playthrough) and by experiencing the heros journey.

I could talk about Ketheric and Orin, but after reading @bearhugsandshrugs fic it got me deep diving into Gortash's character. It's amazing and everyone should read it especially if you're weak for Tav/Gortash like I am 👀💦

Trigger warning for abuse mentions below the cut.

Let me start with stating this is NOT an Enver Gortash apologist post, he's evil and he's done terrible things. This is just me yelling into the void about character foils.

Childhood abuse:

In game we really only get to know his history through background information that we can scrape together if you search through the city and the House of Hope.

We don't get any details on what exactly Enver went through as a child. We can assume neglect/possible violence from his parents given his mother's words and the fact they sold him. We get to know that he was beaten when living in the House of Hope, but not what other possible horrors he could have experienced there (not including just the trauma of witnessing the other debtors and Hope), what age he was, or for how long (if anyone knows more timeline wise I'd love to know) he lived there before he escaped. We don't know how he escaped either, if he had help or did so on his own.

I'm no child psychologist, but abuse has lasting effects as we can see through all of the main party. Victims of abuse tend to have difficulty moving past certain emotional stages in their life. Aka a person abused in their childhood may have issues maturing emotionally without therapy, etc (again I'm not a psychologist). There is a strong possibility that "Child" Enver is still probably holding the reins emotionally while adult Enver isn't even aware of how his past affects every action and reaction he has at all times.

I can't imagine how living with Raphael during ones formative years being healthy in anyway, but we can definitely see some of the learned behaviours he's picked up from the Cambion. A focus on possing/presentation, a suave persona, torturing/using people for his own gain, a general lack of empathy, deal making, similar attire with devil motifs...

Unhealthy coping mechanisms:

Speaking of attire, Enver's coat not allowing Fear to be cast on him speaks volumes to me. Imagine the absolute horror of moving from one situation of abuse to another much worse one in the hells as a child/teen and probably being in a state of fear/anxiety at all times. Enver wearing a coat that doesn't allow him to feel fear gives me three main thoughts:

1. He is doing everything in his power to avoid that specific emotion and therefore prevents himself from thinking about that period of his life. Meaning he is not confronting his trauma the same way the main party is forced to throughout the game.

2. Narratively does the coat prevent him from feeling any fear at all? Or do we just go with the game mechanic that ensures he cannot be made afraid by the fear spell? If it prevents him from feeling fear at all (which I think is narratively more interesting and you can take this headcanon out of my cold dead hands) how does this effect his every day decisions? Fear prevents risky decisions all the time, it's one of the emotions that actively keeps people alive. Psychopaths usually don't experience fear the same way an average person would. Given his many horrific actions (the Iron Throne being a key example) I wonder how much his forceful removal of fear has done to his perception of rational thought. If you aren't afraid of consequences what's to stop you from doing anything at all? Selling a loyal body guard to the hells, torturing an entire faction of people in order to manufacturer your own personal army, stealing from an immensely powerful devil aka mother fucking MEPHISTOPHELES??? He presents himself as calm and collected in conversation. He appears as if he's the most rational of all three villains when he's really just as awful when we look into what he's actually been up to vs seeing Orin and Ketheric kill people on screen.

3. Where did he get the coat? Did he make it himself or was it a boon from Bane? A promise to a devout worshiper that he would never be made to feel afraid or beneath anyone again?

Another abuser - Bane:

Speaking of Bane... Another user (please tag if anyone can find the original post!) mentioned a line Astarion says where he states that he prayed to all the gods, but none answered. OP wondered if Enver, trapped in the hells and desperate for salvation, called out the same way... only for Bane to be the only god to answer. I'd die to know specifically when he was introduced to Bane and made to be his chosen.

We know Bane is considered an evil god and we even find that if we kill Enver and then use speak with dead that Bane is torturing him in the afterlife for failing him.

Given this abusive relationship is Enver a foil for Gale, a man groomed from a young age by a goddess and left with the consequences when his actions did not meet her expectations?

Is he like Shadowheart, someone who was given no alternative and made to believe they willingly chose their god only to learn they were deceived and never had any other options?

Like Wyll he's cast out by his father (or in his case both parents).

Like Lae'zel he's worshipping a deity with false promises, how can he believe he'll rule the entire world like a god himself when Bane the god of TYRANNY would see no other at the top but himself (Was he secretly planning to use the crown like Gale to usurp Bane or just pandering to us)?

We know he and Karlach are absolutely foils for each other given that he is her abuser and like himself Karlach was forged by her times in the hells only to survive on her own merits.

Those are my thoughts! Would love to know anyone else's on the walking red flag that is Lord Enver Gortash.

If Enver lost his memories like the Dark Urge would he be given a chance to redeem himself through his actions? Could he with his knowledge of infernal engines fix Karlach's heart

Would Enver have ever become Lord Gortash if not for Bane...?

Anyways if anyone wants to yell at me about Enver, Orin, or Ketheric please feel free to do so! I love characters who fell through the cracks because they had no one there to help them only to crawl out themselves and burn the world.

[sharkneto]

if you had a chance to write for the umbrella academy, what’s something you would’ve added or removed or otherwise changed about show canon

Oh. What an ask! You know, I try to stay positive here on tunglr.com about the Umbrella Academy. I adore the show, love the characters, focus on the positive and things I like rather than the negative things I don't. That said, the show has issues, more and more as the seasons progress. I do have opinions. And you asked :)

Read more because this is going to get long.

Starting in S1, there's not much I'd change - S1 is really tight, it's really character focused and its dark themes covered by sibling absurdity is delicious. Only thing I can think of off the top of my head to change is

Five has the gun in the finale. There is no tension with Allison having the gun for if she's going to shoot Viktor or not - we all know she isn't. It also makes Five just running up and getting caught in the energy tentacles stupid because he's never fought like that the entire show, he's more strategic than that. So, Five has the gun, we know from the comics Viktor gets shot -- it makes Five not shooting him more impactful, differentiates Five from his comic counterpart, and in general is a richer character moment for all involved. The only downside to all of that is it sidelines Allison, but some finagling of setting up the situation can put her back in a meaningful position (someone wrote a fantastic reimagining of this scene that gave Five the gun that still kept Allison in a key position with a heartful roll in how it shakes out, probably a couple years ago now. If anyone remembers who wrote that or can link it to me, I'd love to reread it again).

That's really it for S1, off the top of my head, anyway. On to S2! -

Handler stays dead, AJ is the big bad. The only downside to this is that we don't get Kate Walsh back, because she is so much fun, but the Handler absolutely died at the end of S1 and they retconned her to not-die so she could be in S2 (...because Kate Walsh is such a delightful villain). But AJ should have had a bigger roll in S2. He's the head of the whole Commission! The Handler was but a cog in the machine - what does that look like! The Hargreeves suddenly have the entire might of the Commission after them instead of a rogue Handler (pin in that for Point 2). Also, his character design fucking slaps, I'm still obsessed with him. And now, I'm hearing you go: But Lila! And I answer you - AJ is her adopted father. That whole plotpoint stays the same but AJ instead of Handler for parental figure. Diego's reaction to his girlfriend's father being a fish sells that all on its own.

The Commission should not be a benevolent force, with just the Handler as a rogue, evil agent. S1 Commission is a morally dark gray force of bureaucracy hiding behind the uncanny, cheerful veneer of the 50s. Their chosen method for keeping history "on track" is just a fuckton of murder. They left a kid to rot in the apocalypse for four decades. They have an entire department dedicated to making sure disasters occur (through strategic murder). The Infinite Switchboard is also dumb and only exists for fast plot for Diego to figure out what's going on - S1 method for the Commission knowing when the timeline is getting fucked is agents on the ground who call it in (S1 Commission inefficiency, my fucking beloved.). In summary, no one at the Commission is a good person (looking at you Herb and Dot! You are not and should not be positioned as good people!), and making the Handler the ~only~ bad egg there and everyone else positioned as good and allies weakened them significantly as a villain.

Viktor! He shouldn't have had amnesia! Robbed him of character development in facing what he'd done, how his life had been a lie, and the complicated feelings left behind between him and his siblings over all of that. I get it was a comic thing, but they didn't do the comic reason (Shot In Head), and they've changed lots else from the comics, so this should have been another point the deviated from.

Raymond should have gotten to meet Five. I just think that would have been fun.

The song that plays in Viktor's violin mind palace when he's getting tortured should have been [Viktor's] Orchestra from the S1 OST and not that goddamn Bach Partita. They already had a very meaningful and beautiful violin piece composed by Mr. Russo, what are they doing bringing in this random Bach? Missed opportunity. My feelings on this are so strong that I am including it with the above impactful plot changes.

There's probably some smaller tweaks for S2 that I'm not thinking of now, but that covers the main changes and this is already getting long and we haven't even gotten to S3. Because, oh boy. S3.

I give S3 a lot of forgiveness for being made during the pandemic. I think a lot had to be adjusted for Covid restrictions (There was supposed to be a whole Japan trip thing! Which is why the Hotel is all Japanese themed. The trip got scrapped, the theme did not, so it just comes off as weird and orientalist), and they still managed to have really great character moments and developments. That said -

Too much happened in S3. They should have done Sparrows or the Hotel (which I like to call the HOb, and is the shorthand I'll be using from now on). Both with the Kugelblitz made this season insane.

Lila isn't pregnant. The show has a real hard time writing women who aren't mothers or dead and they were almost doing a good job with Lila until this, she almost escaped it. I'm going to be honest, my first thought when it was revealed that she was actually pregnant and it wasn't just Stanley shenanigans was "Oh, abortion". I don't think it makes sense for where she is to be having a kid, and it ties her down in a weird way for the final season. Instead of being about her figuring out her shit after finding out her mom killed her, had her real parents killed, and her life is all a bit of a lie, it's now about being pregnant and/or being a mother.

The HOb isn't some weird universe reset button. Why didn't they like Fucked Up Space Prison from the comics??? That's so much fun! I'd allow it to be paired up with the Sparrows if it's a fucked up space prison, they compliment each other then. It being a reset button that Reggie has known about this whole time and is the reason he collected the kids also doesn't make sense with him killing himself in S1 for the original plot of the show. They almost hit the vibe they could have had with it, with the hallways and floors swapping around. Play with that more, make time weirder, don't have cheap-horror samurai guardians. Forever mourning how much cooler and weirder the HOb could have been.

A lot of people complain that the Sparrows were so minor in the season. I am not one of those people - most of them were tertiary characters, and with all the other plot happening and the focus (rightly) on the Umbrellas, they featured exactly as much as they needed and should have (without changing the season to make them the main antagonists). My only change here is Sloane shouldn't know physics. Why does she know physics and why is she as good as Five, who has 30 years on her. There's no set up or indication she is a math person (she loves reading and travel!) until they have their Kugelblitz math discussion and then it's never alluded to again. Is this petty? Yes. Do I stand by it? Yes.

Ah, Five. Obviously, Five shouldn't be the founder of the Commission. That whole plot, while great for the Five and Lila Frenemy Trip, reeks of Cool Reveal We Thought Of To Be Cool. It doesn't have any real major impact on anything, and it makes no sense for Five as a character that he would have created the Commission and then sat alive in their basement by himself. The guy spent a lifetime alone and tore the universe apart to be with his family and they want me to believe he sets up his life to end by himself and away from his family after making evil corporate time cops? Yeah, alright, sure, mmm-hmm.

There should have been a conversation about what happened in the barn at the end of S2. That was huge - Five unlocked a whole new application of his powers and watched his whole family die again. With the rewind powers, they should have given an in-universe reason for why Five couldn't use them at any point and not just pretend they didn't exist anymore. The Kugelblitz is eating time, if it's eating time there is nothing for Five to rewind or jump back to - there. I did it. Just some sort of acknowledgement for why Five's plot-breaking powers aren't breaking the plot.

Five should have been friendlier and more trusting of Reggie, incorrectly viewing them as relative equals thanks to his age and experience. From Five's point of view, Reginald has always been right and Reginald did help him when he talked to him in the 60s. He's a dick and unpleasant, but so is Five. It was the perfect set up for some delicious betrayal and hard lessons for Five to understand their father the same way the rest of the Umbrellas do.

I'm going to be honest - there is probably plot things I would change for how Harlan slots in with the Kugelblitz, but S3 is my least rewatched season, and when I do rewatch it I usually do a Five Watch (just skip through and watch Five plot), so I do not remember it well enough to point out what I would change.

Final point I'm going to make - Allison. I genuinely loved where Allison went this season. The most controversial part of her plot, assaulting Luther, I thought made perfect sense and I have a lot of thoughts about where her mind was during all of that. But I do not think the writers understood just how fucked up her doing that was, and that scene should have had further fallout and more direct conversation about what happened. Give it more gravity and consequences, if only for Emmy's sake because it really felt like the writers dropped her in the deep end for the amount of hate Allison got for it.

There are probably more things, but it is getting late and this is getting long. I adore this show, but my god does it leave so much potential on the floor. Leaves us lots to write ourselves because of that, I suppose as a silver lining.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume meta 6x10

Costume metas are back baby!!!! I’m so happy to be back writing these - you have no idea how much i missed writing them. This one is not quite as full on as my normal metas and has taken me far longer than I’d intended - if you’ve been following my posts over the last couple of days you will be fully aware of my insanity spiral over the Eddie of it all (as well as poker Buddie!) so I hope you’ll forgive me - I’ve not had the mental capacity I normally do to dedicate to costume spiralling!

No Eddie this week as he only appeared in uniform 😭 

A couple of more general things to point out - the use of Check - we see it on Nathaniel Greene and Phillip Buckley - which I think is a very interesting and loud choice considering this episode was all about fathers and fatherhood and the two fathers who are not all that (Mr Han is also in that number but his grey on grey suit was a deliberate choice that I will talk about in a minute) are the ones wearing check and tapping right on into my check theory!!! So Nathaniel is going to find himself in hot water very soon so the check is foreshadowing this for him. Philip (and Margaret as well actually!) in check is also foreshadowing whatever is about to go down with the Buckley parents (that happy family facade they’ve been putting on is about to crack big time!).

Grey is one of those colours that can be either warm grey (like we often see on Buck) or cool grey (which we have here on Mr Han) and that affects which meanings you attribute to it. Mr Han in double grey just about sums him up as a person - cold, conservative and controlling. Its also a colour that conveys gloom and frustration when worn in multiple like this, there is also the fact that ill people are often described as looking grey - which leads me to think that Mr Han being terminally ill is actually very likely!

The other thing I want to point out is the red harnesses - I know I don’t talk about the uniforms all that much except when there is something important an interesting in relation to them and this is very much that! Chim, Buck and Eddie are the ones we see in the red belt harnesses. Chimney removes his after Buck stakes his claim on it being his turn to go up the ladder and Chimney steps back from ladder detail. The reason I point this out is because its a very bright visual way of identifying and connecting both the fact that Chimney also has a red string of fate connected to Buck (I’m talking about family here and I know that technically all the firefam have strings of fate connecting them, but in this specific incidence its about the brotherly connection - the parallel to Kevin and Albert) which is relevant at that first moment but then the focus needs to shift. Eddie and Buck become the only ones distinguishable in the pouring rain - the only ones tied by that red string of fate - even when (and especially) when Buck is on the gurney.

over to our mains - below the cut to save your dashes!

Athena and May

I’m doing the two of them together this week because they are the costume version of yin and yang!

The silk blouse has a monstera leaf print - monstera symbolises suffocation in western culture which is a perfect symbol for this story arc - suppressing of evidence or information because of money etc. the use of navy red and white is also interesting - its very much a hint towards patriotism - a deliberate choice to play into the upperclass America vibe they’re claiming to be part of! 

Mays two main costumes are costumes themselves - they aren’t representative of who May is or her character, the are the clothes of the character she’s playing - Jada. As outfits for Jada - they are very much playing to type - teenager with issues who’s rebelling against straight laced parents - Both Athenas and Mays outfits work perfectly in sync with each other as the anthesis of the other. Mays are both in the same tonal range - burnt dusty reds, washed out blue greys and beiges - all in the same colour spectrum as Athenas ‘costume’ but tonally at the oposite end - where mays are dark and muted, Ahtenas are bright and bold

in the middle of the undercover work we get a reminder of who they really are - Athenas generally more muted palette - her comfort colour choices of black and olive khaki green, while May is back in her bold and bright blocks of colour. Perfectly summing up that while Athena is playing a role that is not a million miles away from who she is (and channeling a bit of Beatrice in the process because that blouse is a Beatrice blouse in every way!), Athena also tends to wear the olive khaki colour on top when she’s investigating something outside of work - and by this I don’t just mean full blown investigating, I also mean low key - clocking something is going on with a member of the extended firefam and she’s paying attention. May is at the opposite end of the spectrum from Jada! I’ve talked about May wearing this sugary bright pink before in season 5 and the scene here is somewhat of a parallel to the one in 5x15- youthful and considered feminine but also compassionate and caring. It is sensitive and intuitive. All things we see in this scene - May is using her intuition about Tamara and her being a ‘weak link’ that will get some information. We also see her showing compassion for Bobby in this scene.

Bobby

keeping it simple for Bobby this week - just the one outfit and its supposed to essentially blend in with his uniform - we see him working on things related to the wildfire that Wendell died in both at the station while in actual uniform, and then at home with Athena and May (as an aside the fact that we see bobby with his family esp his stepdaughter and then with Buck and no other members of the fire fam is very telling!!) - it’s all signalling Bobby is in work mode even when he’s at home.

Hen

If there was ever a cardigan to signal the fact that Hen is puzzled by Denny’s behaviour and new interests - this one is very definitely it - it literally has neutral face emojis all over it 😐😐😐 which are often used to convey mild irritation and concern - both things Hen is clearly feeling in this scene. Red is also a colour associated with both anger and and love - we know Hen loves Denny, but its very likely that there will be anger down the line when she discovers what Denny has been up to. This jumper also fits with my check theory - it is a big checkerboard - so its foreshadowing for the upcoming Denny issues!

I’m going to say something here which is being used as a narrative device - Hen is wearing maroon, because she is in the ‘male’ or ‘father’ parent role at this moment - I don’t prescribe to the concept of queer parents fitting into gender stereotypes of parenting (that theres a fatherly one and a motherly one!) nor do I believe sport is a fathers domain but in this particular instance the wardrobe team are playing into a costume theme they’ve developed - namely that maroon is the colour worn when (mostly male) characters are being fatherly in someway. It is implied in this scene and the one in the firehouse, that Hen is the one who has been the one mostly supporting Denny in his sporting interests - football (sorry soccer - Im British its football 😂) initially and now she wants to be supportive in his baseball interest. 

Not a costume thing, but I think its interesting and its costume adjacent, but I love the fact they’ve chosen two very different sports - one played with hands, the other with feet and the one Denny is taking up is the one where curveballs are a thing!

Denny

Or should I be calling him ‘D’?? 

we have this blue and black shirt - I have to confess my brain went off in 6 different directions on this one. Firstly there is the fact that its not that disimilar to what Christopher is wearing when Eddie catches him talking to his friends online late at night - the colours are different but the use of patterning is similar and the fact that Chris and Denny have paralleling story arcs is very 👀👀 It also ties Denny in with Hen as she also wears a lot of patterning similar to this. then there is the fact its black and blue - what is the first thing you think of when you say black and blue - being beaten up - potentially foreshadowing - not necessarily for a physical beating, more likely for the psychological bruising ahead. there is also the Rorschach test and camouflage elements as well. All in all its a shirt that speaks of secrecy pyschological trauma and trouble ahead!

This tee has me feeling all levels of insane. We have green for growth and renewal- its a bright green too, so its really reenforcing that idea. Then there is the design - a leopard in a jungle setting which is so many metaphors all rolled into one - the obvious ones of the jungle being dangerous, leopards not changing their spots and hiding in pain sight. But there are a few others - camouflage, the fact that leopards are nocturnal and solitary, they are also opportunistic. Then theres the jungle - jungles as well as being dangerous places, are also dense and in places impenetrable, they are overgrown and tangled. All of these things speaks volumes about what is going on with Denny right now, and the fact that he’s getting himself deeper and deeper into the jungle where opportunistic animals are waiting to strike. It a really clever use of imagery in graphic tee design to convey information and its something the show does a lot with the kids clothing!

Chimney

some really interesting stuff going on with Chimney in this episode - namely the fact that he’s wearing check - all the time, as well as the fact we get him in this lovely burnt orange colour!

Starting with the check - I’ve said it a million times and I’ll probably say it a million more, but the check is foreshadowing trouble ahead - in this instance its the unexpected arrival of the Han’s. The button down shirt under the jumper is maroon and burnt orange check - maroon is the colour of fatherhood in 911 verse so the maroon is a nod to that, both the fact that Chimney is a father (and a good one), but also that his father is the trouble ahead! While the orange - well orange is the colour of optimism, enthusiasm and emotional strength - the perfect colour for Chim in this scene - he’s being optimistic about what having the Buckleys to visit will be like - that together he and Maddie can get through anything. This opening outfit for 6b also shows us that Chim is in a much stronger place - things are going well for him - life is good and that has given him confidence and placed him in a better place emotionally.

then we get this blue check button down shirt - its light blue and a darker blue, and again the check is portending doom. I don’t want to make this all about Buck, (becasue it isn’t) but, the fact we see Chim in a blue check specifically while the Buckleys and Hans argue over Bucks sperm donation is super interesting. Its not only foreshadowing that Buck - who is also in blue, is about to come to harm in the place that was very nearly chimneys (as inBuck going up the ladder instead of Chim). It is also hinting at the fact that Chimney and his father (who is incidentally also in a blue shirt) are on a collision course. This check is about foreshadowing the two opposite disasters/ issues heading Chimneys way - the fact that he is about to potentially lose a brother - and one that has taken the place he was supposed to be in. That Chimney is going to have to reckon with the guilt and grief that causes - making this shirt about Chim’s connection to Buck but also connected to the idea of another man raising a child - much of Chimneys trauma stems from that very issue - he was raised by Mr Lee, had Kevin who was a brother in all but blood - who died in a work related accident and now he’s going to go through the same thing with Buck. the whole thing is setting up for Chimneys trauma to come and hit pretty hard - which all goes back to his own blood father - which is why we see Buck and Sang in the two very different blues and chimney in the check of both of them.

Maddie & Jee-Yun

Maddie going for full on black is such a choice! Black is a power colour, its sophisticated and mysterious, while also being authoritative and protective. It is also a colour of rebirth which is really important here for Maddie. This is a Maddie who is in the best possible place right now, but her choice to wear all black for the arrival of her parents is all about her wanting to but on a display of power while at the same time protecting herself and her family (Chim, Jee and Buck) its very much fake it till you make it - its not necessarily about her having power/control (which she does), but about the appearance of it.

This is about her rebirth as a person and as a mum and her showing that rebirth to those who have judged her in her life. 

the purple suit and bright blue top are an interesting choice. The jewel tones exude happiness and contentment. I’ve spoken before about how we often see characters in these brighter versions of colours when they’re in a good place or having fun (think of the times we’ve seen Athena in bright jewel colours, or even Buck) and here we see Maddie embracing that her daughter is having fun with her grandparents and her family is all together and not fighting or distant from one another - don’t forget this is likely the fist time she has experienced this ever. The purple blazer is in line with other things we’ve seen on Maddie this season - we’ve seen her in bright purple before. Purple is a really interesting choice to me because so much of its meaning is connected to mystery, but also the understanding of ones self better, building and strengthening emotional connections to our deepest thoughts and desires. its such a choice for this scene - the happy family Maddie wants, has wanted all her life and hasn’t had in her grasp until now, but also the Daniel of it all - that she is now free to talk about her brother, to share her knowledge of him and that she has been able to actually sit in her grief and come to terms with it. It’s a really powerful choice for her and speaks so much about how far Maddie has come.

Look I love love love what the show does with the kids clothes - its always so on point for the scene - and this Baby Jee tee is no exception. ‘Shapes I know’ - a literal point at the fact that families can look different - they come in different shapes and thats something Jee ‘knows’ and is experiencing. It’s literally one of the cornerstones of he show - that families look different and come in a multitude of shapes and sizes and in this scene the show is very much pointing out that the Buckley parents and Han parents don’t really understand that in any great depth. The Buckleys are only being supportive and nice when it suits them - when they’re in front of others and can be judged - creating a fantasy of a loving and supportive family to the outside world - while behind closed doors - they’re not really interested and are in fact the complete opposite. The Han’s have a very rigid view on family and that there is only one type of family (I’m expecting Sang Han to make some comment about Jee being born outside of marriage etc at some point) and anything that doesn’t conform to that isn’t acceptable.  

Buck

I so desperately wan to quiz the wardrobe department on the choice to have Buck in trousers that sit two inches above his ankle. 

You can’t see them in either of these pictures, but Buck is still wearing trousers far too short for his legs and its making me insane. I know Oliver has stupidly long legs, but its not like they don’t have the budget to get trousers made and tailored to fit him. I mean its been this way since season 2 and everything is intentional so they must have decided on it as a character thing but I for one cannot figure out what its supposed to tell us about him - the only thinking I’ve managed to come up with is that he’s stuck in this liminal space between child and adult - not really one or the other (because of the saviour baby and not knowing about it of it all) so its a play on the historic idea of breeching and short trousers! It’s literally the only reason I can think of as to why they would do this. Especially because the outfit he is wearing in his coma dream he’s wearing trousers that fit his leg length which only proves to me that its intentional!

If we see Buck figure things out this season and we then see him start wearing longer trousers going forwards - ones that are actually the right length for his legs I might actually ascend to the astral plane!!!

This green top continues the theme of seeing Buck in either blues or this light green shade - it echoes both the polo shirt from 6x07 when he made his donation, and the one he wore to the Ren Faire in 6x08 and continues to prove my theory about the use of these green shirts on Buck - the colour might not have gotten darker, but the fact its still the same light shade and we’ve had no further progress (in terms of where Buck is at mentally - the pregnancy is obviously progressing!) at this point in time - we know he’s wearing gree ni the coma - and its a darker/brighter shade - hinting that progress- growth etc is happening and that the coma will be the catalyst for that growth to start - I fully expect to see Buck in more green as the season progresses and to see it getting deeper and brighter as we go along.

I have so many thoughts about this dark navy blue shirt we see Buck wearing for the Buckley-Han showdown. Its yet more Buck in shades of blue - forget 50 shades of grey Buck is all about 50 shades of blue (I think were up to 12 blue tops now for him this season and the next highest colour he wears is green with 3)!!  theres the uniform aspect of it all - a bit like Bobby in this episode as well, but for Buck its almost like wearing the uniform gives him confidence and strength - superhero style - something he feels he needs to go through another experience with his parents. 

There is something to be said about the use of blues at opposite ends of the spectrum on Buck - from the light pastel blues to this dark navy almost black blue, almost like Buck is oscillating between where he’s at mentally - projecting confidence, reliability, loyalty and trustworthiness, while also suggesting that internally he is struggling - blue is also a colour depression and suppression. We have to remember that Buck is still trying to figure out who he is, what he wants and how to be at ease with himself and so the use of both dark and light blues speaks of the duality of Buck right now. I bring this up because looking back through my costume plots for each character its become obvious that this season its very much deliberate - all his blue outfits in previous seasons have been within a much smaller spectrum of colour - wearing blue but all similar in shade - tending toward bright blue or navies!

If you’ve made it to the end then I thank you - have a cookie on me 🍪🍪🍪 we all deserve them after that episode and we’re going to need out strength for next weeks!!

I hope you’ve enjoyed my deep dive ramblings on costume for 6x09 - drop me a reblog or a comment to let me see your thoughts - I love reading them!!

As always tagged people below - if anyone wants to be added (or removed from) to the list please let me know in the comments!

Until next week (when I have a feeling I might be being set up for a very very long meta post 😬😬😬) 

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