#that tag doesnt exactly fit but i want reach

[ronance1986]

i think abt lesbian nancy wheeler a LOT and personally, i think one of the most compelling pieces of evidence for lesbian nancy is murray analyzing her in 2x06 and saying that she is "afraid of accepting [herself] for who [she] really [is]" and that she goes back to steve because he's safe.

the way i interpret this as nancy repressing any feelings that aren't socially acceptable (by this, I mean attraction to women) and instead being with steve (men) because it's comfortable and easy.

in the context of this scene, murray's analysis of nancy doesn't fit with the conversation. he's shocked that jonathan and nancy aren't together, and he's trying to figure out WHY, because they have the chemistry and shared trauma.

murray infers that jonathan has trust issues from his dad which makes him hard for him to be in a relationship, but nancy being afraid to accept herself doesn't really have anything to do with jonathan.

sure, jonathan isnt as safe as steve, because they don't have a history of dating and he doesn't have the wealth steve has, but pursing a relationship with him wouldn't require nancy to accept herself for who she is.

nancy is noticeably unnerved when murray reads into her relationship with steve so well, showing that even she knows that it isnt going the way she wants it to. this could be read as a hint that nancy is aware of what she really wants (ie, girls), but shes afraid to go against societal norms and would rather fake feelings that arent there.

[albedosarmpit]

Oof after reading your venti cock rant I AM DOWN BAD my size kink is going FERAL. It's not gonna fit tho like that thing can't go inside me,,,,

if you feel like writing for this, can i please request a smut where Venti and his s/o have sex for the first time and his s/o is like "it's not gonna fit" but he ends up fucking them anyways hfksljdkd (preferably gender neutral reader)

yesyesyesyeysyesy i'd love to- i also wrote an actual story before hand??? this is crazy for me, sorry if it doesnt go exactly as you wanted i think i got carried away idk hdoihsoihv also reader is literally a spaceholder im deserate for venti aoichdsoihvoi sorry if it doesnt make sense and sorry for the rushed ending sodichsoihvos

tags: gn reader, morning sex, morning wood, Venti thinks sex is so normal, ameno powers (i dont know how ameno powers work)

Going out with to the pub with Venti was almost always a bad idea. not only was the invite random, you'd think he would invite you out on fridays or weekdays but no, any day of the week was perfect for him, Other than the random invite you always felt bad leaving Diluc to clean after him.

thankfully, today you were able to join him. somehow, this was the drunkest you've seen Venti, his voice loud and irritating as he stumbled around flirting with almost everyone he sees (as a good bard should) causing Diluc to force the two of you to the attic where he left a spare bed just for this occasion because leaving a cute drunken bard in the streets honestly made Diluc loose sleep.

your arm wrapped around Ventis shoulder, helping him up the stares as he yells down to the other patrons about how he needs to go save the world and how the god of wine needed him to leave, the secondhand embarrassment making your cheeks burn as you finally carried him into the room "w-why are you s-so embarrased?" Venti almost yelled as he fell ontop of you landing on the bed, his hand stroking your cheek, his breath smelling of alcohol as he instantly passed out, you hugged him close to you making sure he was on his side as you made him rest his head on your shoulder.

you wake up just laying there, your head pounding, you couldnt tell what the cause was, a hangover or Ventis constant snoring in your ear, you woke up with him pretty much connected with you, a leg over both of yours and a arm over the top of your chest. this would've been find except you could feel it. something rubbing against you through his tights, you tried to pry away but he wouldnt let you, his eyes opened as he moved a hand to your cheek "5 more minutes? pleasee" Ventis breath stunk of alcohol. you tore his arm off of you and sat their waiting for him to notice the main problem.

Venti didnt say anything but moved his hands up to stretch, letting out a groan as he looked down at his own body, his face red "i-i suppose this is the reason you woke up? there a things even a god cant control im afraid" Venti instantly pushed a blanket off of him and pulled his cock out, the 7 inches instantly making your eyes widen. Venti put his hand at the base and slowly jerked himself off from there, driplets of precum already landing on his clothes "After this we can go back to sleep right?" Venti smiled as he said that. he was pure evil.

you began to get aroused looking at it, seeing him slowly shiver as he put his palm on his tip, Venti looked down to your crotch and smiles "Seems you're enjoying yourself as well, care to join?" Venti put his hand out, the same one he was rubbing his tip with, reached for it, feeling his precum in your own hand as you just watched him continue to jerk off, Venti swirled his hand around and instantly you were floating, Ameno energy swirling around you, taking your clothes off "i suppose we should speed things up" Venti looked at his cock, throbbing in his hand "I am getting pretty desperate~"

Venti smiled again as he moved his hand, forcing you forward onto him, his tip against your hole "V-Venti- thats- i-it wont fit" Venti smiled as he began to hold your right hand with his right hand, his left hand going to your thigh, pushing you down so the tip is inside, the precum acting as lube "come onnn, even i've had bigger" Venti winked as he lowered you down causing you to moan "You do know Morax don't you?" Venti laughed as he got slightly frustrated, forcing you down on his cock entirely, filling you up with his cock causing you to instantly finish causing the god to laugh at you as he came inside of you, cum dripping out of your hole and onto his own cock, he sat you there and made sure you stayed ontop of him, if you were to move the bed would be stained beyond saving. Venti yawned as he closed his eyes, hands wrapping around you as you began to drift off to sleep

[crowleys-bentley-and-plants]

the way my brain short-circuited there jesus what the hell. i fear im gonna go over the tag limit so im gonna try to order my thoughts here. (dont expect any coherent thoughts tho ive been having a headache all day lol)

ok first of all. the fuck you mean perfect response. im gonna hunt you down i swear what the actual fuck this poem read like a fucking punch to the stomach. no. i would welcome a punch to the stomach or a dagger in every inch of my body. what the fuck. but i digress. ok okay now that i think about it it does fit very well. i hate how in order to explain this fully (aka rant about it till i reach the word limit) i have to interpret my own poem and aaaa i have this rule of not doing that lol. but yes i see it. i hate it. in the best way possible.

secondly. imagine me as that meme "ive connected the dots you didnt connect shit ive connected them" because this is literally me right now except ive actually connected some dots. it may be across different canvasses(? like you know the connect the dots drawing well it might be two completely different drawings but i did connect them fuck you). ok so when i first read the title it immediately made me think of Look At Me (which is such a good fucking poem too) because of how similar the titles seemed. yet they say the complete opposite. you probably did that on purpose didnt you you fucker. now im gonna think about this instead of sleep. these two poems feel like the opposites of the same coin. rejecting vs accepting. Look Away is like dont look at my wounds dont try to heal me i am beyond saving while Look At Me is the want the need even to be seen to be recognized beyond the prison that is made from your own skin. god okay my thoughts are running wild im afraid i wont be able to catch all of them. but before i dive into this more (??yea i think i have gone crazy) i wanted to say that i was thinking like how these two poems kinda mirror each other and then something hit me. it was a brick. because lately ive been obsessing over the fanart of crowley looking in a broken mirror and some of the reflections are him before the fall you know the ones right. and this really feels like that. like obviously both poems are about demon crowley but you know what i mean? like they're still opposites.

ok so here are some connections ive found (oh no here i go projecting again lol). Look Away is like an armour, like a shield, built over millennia of hurt and rejection. Look At Me is like the vulnerable side of crowley, the part of him that craves intimacy and connection. he wants to break free from his emotional armor and be truly seen and understood. im headcannoning that the prison in Look At Me is basically the poem Look Away. if that makes sense. ofc it does have i ever said something that doesnt make sense? exactly. the ending of Look Away where crowley asks aziraphale to come back shows the contradiction in his desire. he’s afraid of being hurt but also deeply longs for connection. so like in a way it's kinda hopeful? (me desperately trying to keep it all together by deluding myself that it's not as sad as it looks lmao). like. if you read first Look Away and then Look At Me it's like it reads kinda hopeful (hopeful isn't the right word dammit) because it's like a transformation crowley goes through and embraces vulnerability and the possibility of connection. like there's still a long way to go of course but still. he's healing? maybe? hopefully? (please tell me it'sgonna be okay im literally rocking back and forth in a fetus position rn)

another difference between these two poems i really like is how they both use demanding language (literally in the titles lmao) but in Look At Me it's like really direct and commanding like also more desperate because of that i guess? and the repetition of the title also adds to that. and in Look away the demanding voice is. softer? like this line "so please, look away΅ like the added 'please' why is it there yknow. the poem started out quite hostile and at the end crowley literally begs. this feels like he is showing a vulnerable side. which is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im so normal about that.

ok enough about these imaginary dots. i was like. dreading this part because it means reading this poem again but this time i know what it says so in a way it's like i am accepting or even welcoming the fucking emotional onslaught it brings. deep breaths. ok. so. ok i cant lmao what the actual fuck man i cannot write down my thoughts about this poem without going completely comatose. so i will share my favourite lines instead *proceeds to copy paste the entire poem * no im kidding i will try to limit myself to a couple of lines here they are:

look away and stop pretending you can fix this not even God herself could

the fucking essence of the struggle isnt it. i dont even know anymore. it's the deep-seated belief in his own brokenness. yep. it's a raw admission of defeat because if not even the most powerful being in the whole universe can fix me then who can. i mean him. fix him.

i'm fine in my filth, in my grime, and decay i'm not okay with you uncovering my truths

i hate you for this. honestly. the fucking acceptence of the unworthiness? how the fuck dare you. it's easier to believe you deserve nothing, it shields you from disappointment and rejection. better to reject first than be rejected right. but the fucking worst thing about this is the second line. how aziraphale's insistence on uncovering his truths feels like an invasion of his very soul. what the fuck man.

please, i don't want to hurt the only soul who's ever dared to stand this close

despite it all crowley still cares deeply. his plea (because it is a plea rather than a command..wtff) for distance is not born out of apathy or disdain, but rather from a place of fear of causing harm. beneath the layers of resistance and defiance lies a vulnerable heart. it really is a battle against himself huh against the instincts that urge him to push away those who care. hey im totally fine

okay well there is really one more thing left to say. i will never forgive you for that ending. what in the eurydice and orpheus shit is this. "run away and don't look back" ?????? this cant be a coincidence right. what the fuck man. i can hear eurydice saying this to orpheus but orpehus doesnt listen and inevitably dooms her. her. not himself. although kinda himself too because he did lose the love of his life lol but like. crowley not only saying to look away and run away to protect aziraphale but also himself???????? what the fuck man you deserve jail time for this (pretend that this was definitely what you were going for and not me connecting imaginary dots again lol). but also. the last two lines. wait. come back. god. why are you doing this to me. it's now like crowley is the one dooming them and that makes it even sadder because it's just gonna be one more thing he will blame himself for goddammit aaaaa why the fuck. and the last two lines are also like in a way they are saying 'no wait i changed my mind look at me' yknow. like at the very end he did change his mind is it too late please tell me it's not too late aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

anyway. what time is it. i lost all sense of thought and meaning and apparently sentence structure. or. idk . i dont know anything anymore. my mind feels like it's been through a blender. i will be hunting you down. maybe even kill you. as a thank you. to show my appreciation :) jesus fucking christ

Look Away

don't call me beautiful as you undress me don't turn on the light don't force me to look at my own reflection  in your eyes i can't stand the sight stop picking at my scabs stop prodding at my wounds i don't need your healing you're only making it worse i don't care if they're infected, just pay no mind to the rotting flesh, look away and stop pretending  you can fix this not even God herself could

i can deal with these dirty bandages  i can't deal with you looking at me like that like i'm something worth fighting for like i’m something worth loving i'm fine in my filth, in my grime, and decay i'm not okay with you uncovering my truths,  unwrapping all the lies i've needed to survive  with your bare hands

don't come any closer stop trying to close the gaping gashes why are you doing this? it's not worth your time keep away while you still can because i'll kick and scream and lash out  if you try to fight me, and i won't hold back please, i don't want to hurt the only soul  who's ever dared to stand  this close

so please, look away run away and don't look back.

wait.

come back…

tag list under the cut

@wibbly-wobbly-blog @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @phantomram-b00 @charlotte-zophie @crowleys-curl @quoththemaiden @thewibblylever @genderqueer-hippie @lickthecowhappy @celestialcrowley @ineffable-rohese @alwaysbemybae @fearandhatred @roof-of-trees @weasleywrinkles @brokewokebespoke @eybefioro @captainblou @amagnificentobsession @marika-misc @phoen1xr0se @simonezitrone79 @thatqueercookie @tiptopticketyboo @veil-of-lament @celticseawych @nimbusalba @annewind

i had a semi chaos moment the other day and deleted my tag list, but i found a backup. please let me know if you wanna get removed, or added for some reason. or added back if you got blasted into the void

[holycrimin]

It hurts to love.

Karl heisenberg x male!reader

Tags: Hanahaki and angst

SFW

(Note: In this au, none of the main events happen with ethan, as he is not in this story. Also SPOILER WARNING.)

(Warning: probably shitty plot, but i'm trying my best ok)

[Your pov]

It all started a year or two ago, when mother miranda had found me lurking around the village. As i was not a local, she deemed me suspicous. However, before she had the chance to kill me, She had a spark in her eye. As if she had an idea. And before i knew it she was using me as some sort of vessel for her daughter, Eva. Although i am a male, she had seen something special in me apparently. I had also found out that her daughter had passed away and she was determined to bring her back.

It failed.

The experiment... failed.

I was no longer deemed useful.

She had proposed me two options. become a servant or assistant to one of the lords, or die. A slow, and painful death.

Of course I chose to be an assistant.

She was kind enough to let me choose who to work for, thankfully.

Lady dimitrescu was very much intimidating. And from what I've heard, if you mess up even just a little while working for her, you will be sent to the dungeons. Never to be seen again. And she isnt really fond of men, so I wont be choosing her.

Next up was Donna Beneviento. She was nice, although her doll 'Angie' is a little... how do I say this... creepy. It doesnt help that i have a huge fear of mannequins and dolls, so I dont think i'll be choosing her anytime soon.

And then theres Salvatore Moreau, dont get me wrong he's a great guy but.. he might accidentally drown me. I might be overreacting, but the guy smells. Although, I feel bad that he's treated so poorly by the other Lords, but i think it's for the best if i stay away from him.

And.. i guess my only option left is Lord Heisenberg. I just hope that he wont be that much of a hassle, even if he IS kind of an asshole...

A day before i start working at the factory, Mother Miranda forced us to spend the day together. To 'get to know eachother' I assume.

Lord Heisenberg looked pissed off, he wasn't really fond of me. He was more pissed off at Mother miranda though. Most likely because he was forced to spend time with me. I quickly learned what he called the 'basics of him'. Basically, common facts. Such as, the fact that he can bend metal and his deep hatred for Mother Miranda. that was basically all that he told me.

The following day was my first day at the factory. As we were walking along the factory, he stopped in his tracks. "Listen pup, there's rules." He practically growled. "First of all, Don't touch my shit. Second of all, don't go around the factory without me knowing. And third of all, Don't try to get to know me, we're keeping a proffessional relationship, got it?" He said.

"Uh.. y-yes Lord Heisenberg." I very nervously stammered, lightly blushing at the nickname he gave me.

"Good, now let's get to work."

Present day

That was around a year or two ago, and while i have gotten closer to the other lords, i never managed to get to get close to Lord Heisenberg. And..

I'm an idiot who fell for him... And... I know he'll never feel the same way. I've tried getting his attention, impressing him, but... nothing's working. Every time i try to get close to him, wether it's emotionally or physically. I get pushed away, literally and figuratively.

It's my fault really. I fell inlove with a man who was emotionally closed off. His charisma, his voice, everything about him just makes me fall more and more inlove with him.

I know i wont have a chance, hell, i dont even know if he's into guys... Guess i really am an idiot, huh?

Later that day, Lord Heisenberg asked me to help him with something. I agreed of course, and during that time I tried to know him more. "Jesus christ, are you trying to get me to open up or something? Cause' that's not gonna happen, so give it up." He spat out, "a-ah... sorry Lord Heisenberg.." I stammered out.

A few minutes of silence pass. Suddenly, he grabbed my hands. "I- ugh.. Just- you're doing it wrong. Here, let me help." He said, while holding my hands 'teaching me how to do it right'.

Of course my face started heating up, the feeling of his slightly roughed up hands on mine... it feels nice. Although this is probably the only time i'll ever get close to him.

"Hey pet, you ok? Geez, you're practically as red as a tomato." He said, while still holding my hands. "Uh.. y-yeah..! Uhm... i.. i'm good.." i stuttered, feeling his breath on top of my head. He was bigger and taller than me after all.

"Well, whatever you say, pup." He shrugged as he continued his work. I got a little flustered on the nickname, i never got used to that..

After, he went and ordered me to get supplies fron the duke.

As i was walking along the pathway to the duke, a few lycans were following me. They didnt seem to be attacking, so i just left them alone. However when i reached the duke, the lycans were gone. How strange.

"Well well well, if it isn't Heisenbergs pet! What brings you here, young man?" He says, with a shit eating grin. "Ah.. well, i'm just here for some supplies is al-" i was then cut off with a series of coughs, "Oh my, are you alright?" said the duke, genuinely concerned. "O-oh i'm fine i ju-" i was then cut off by another series of coughs, but just when i stopped, a small white flower petal came out of my mouth.

"Oh dear, i hope this isn't what i think it is... Are you sure you are alright?" Asked the duke. "I.. i dont know," i pause and look at the small flower petal in my hand. "do you know what's happening..?" I questioned him, very much confused. "It may be something called the 'Hanahaki disease'. It was said to just be an urban legend. Where, if you were suffering from unrequited love, you would begin to cough up flower petals." He explained. "I didnt think it was real.." he muttered to himself.

"..." i was silent as i stared in shock and horror, I'm.. coughing up flowers..? Like actual, real flowers...?

From.. unrequited love.... i should've known, i... i should've known that he would never feel the same way.

How could i be so stupid, to think he would fall for a mere mortal like me. Or atleast.. i think i'm mortal. "Well," the duke spoke up, "luckily there are two ways you can get rid of the sickness." My eyes lit up, "the person you like, either loves you back," he continued "or, you can get surgery. Not only will it remove the flowers, it also removes all of your feelings for this particullar person permanently."

"Th-that's great! I can finally get this 'hanahaki' disease while also getting rid of my feelings for him-!"

"Him?" The duke asked as he cut me off, "do you mean Lord Heisenberg?"

"Uh-" as i think about him, i start coughing again. This time, blood was spilling over. And so were many petals. "Oh dear.. so just the mere thought of him triggers it..?" He said, concerned. "Uh... i'll just... take the supplies. Thank you though, duke."

"No problem, stay safe. But remember, the longer you wait around with the flowers still inside you, the worse your state will become." He informs me,

"I'll try to get the surgery as fast as possible duke." I said, waving him goodbye.

As soon as i walked out, those same lycans followed me all the way back to the factory. Strange isn't it? Anyway, when you finally arrived at the factory, supplies in hand, I hear Lord Heisenberg open up the door.

"Here, let me help you with those." He says as he starts taking some of the bags.

"...Why are you being so nice all of a su-sudden?" I stammer as i try to hold in a cough. "Would you rather not have me nice, pup?" he growled. As i opened my mouth to speak, i was interrupted but a fit of coughs. Blood spilt out as did the petals. Heisenberg didn't seem to notice as he was already far ahead.

I try to cover it up as much as i can as i try to catch up with him. "Jeez.. Finally, you caught up-" he cut himself off. "Why is there blood on your face?" He said, slightly concerned. I froze. "Uh.." that was all i could say. "Whatever.." he said as he wiped the blood away from my face. A faint blush spread accross my cheeks.

I excused myself to the bathroom as i felt another fit of coughs. More blood splattered out as well as more petals. God it hurts. I heard a knock on the door. "Hey pet, you've been there a while, you sure you're alright?" He said

"Uh- yeah, i-i'm fine..!" I said, trying to hold in my coughs. "Well just make it quick, we have work to do." "Yes sir..!" I reply back quickly, not wanting to upset him. I quickly cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom. "Took you long enough." He sighed, annoyed. He went ahead and grabbed his hammer, dragging it along the metal floors. It was loud enough for him to not hear you cough up more petals.

~later that week~

My condition kept getting worse and worse, to the point i was barely able to breath. I've consulted the duke, however nothing seemed to work. No matter how much medicine, herbs or other medicinal items i jammed into my body, it just won't go away.

I was asked to come over Lady Dimitrescus castle, i'm not exactly sure why. Maybe she heard of this 'hanahaki' disease?

As i make my way to the castle, lycans started to follow me. Even more than before, why was this happening?

I finally arrive at the castle, the lycans seem to be watching me very carefully. I hear the doors open, and out came a tall lady. "Ah, Y/N! I'm glad you came! Come in." She said, holding the door open for me.

I walked in and was immediately tackled with a hug. "Uncle Y/N! You came!" Exclamed Daniela, one of Lady Dimitrescus daughters. "Oh, uh... hello Daniela." I say, hugging back. I never imagined them to warm up to me. "Now now Daniela, me and your Uncle Y/N have something to discuss."

"Aww man... well, i'll see you around Uncle Y/N!" She waved goodbye to me. "I'll see you around, Daniela." I say as i wave back. As soon as her footsteps were no longer in range, i spoke up. "So.. what did you want to talk about..?" I carefully asked the tall woman, not wanting to be sliced to bits. "Well, as i said before, the duke has informed me of something related to your wellbeing."

"So... you've heard about this.. 'hanahaki' disease, i assume...?" I say as i tense up even more. "The duke told me about it, and when i asked why he was informing me about this, he simply stated it had something to do with you. So tell me, do you have it?" She asked me with a concerned expression.

"W-well.. I-.." i say, sighing. "Yes, as far as i know." I reply, not wanting to lie to her. "As much as i dislike that wretched man, Heisenberg, i must ask, is he the object of your affection?" I froze. "Well... uh-" i cut myself off as i break into a fit of coughs growing more and more violent than the last. "Oh dear- MAIDS!" She called out, panicking, as blood and petals fall out of my mouth. She patted my back as i continue to cough. "So... it is Heisenberg.. I am terribly sorry Y/N i did not know this would happen.." she said, apologetically.

"I-it's alright-" i break into another fit of coughs. But instead of petals, this time, there were fully grown flowers. "i.. i can't b-breath.." i say almost blacking out. The last thing i see and hear are the maids, Lady Dimitrescu shouting to get the duke, and the door opening to reveal... Lord Heisenberg..? "Goddammit, out of my way-!" Was the last thing i heard before blacking out.

•

•

°

.

.....

I woke up to the duke. I sat upright, "what... happ-" i was then cut off by the duke. "You're awake! Honestly, i.. didnt know if you would wake up.." he said sadly. "Thankfully, i was able to patch you up just fine. And after days and hours of research, i finally found an alternative to your hanahaki!" The duke said, switching from a sad, to a cheerful mood.

My eyes light up, "W-wait, really!?" I said as a smile creeps up on my face. The duke gives me a small bottle, "Here, take this. Free of charge!" He said as he smiles brightly. "Now, you should drink it as soon as possible. Lord Heisenberg is waiting for you outside."

"I will, thank you duke!" I said as i waved him goodbye. As I walked to the gates, I take the small bottle and drink it. Within seconds, the flowers were gone. I could finally breath again!

Walking out with a small smile, I saw Lord Heisenberg. "Oh, hey-!.. uh.. i mean, hey. You're awake, lets... get back to the factory..." he stammered out.

..

Was it just me, or were there tears on his face..?

The walk to the factory was silent, but as we walk up to the factory gates, he stops dead in his tracks. "Before we go in, I just uh.. wanted to let you know that the duke let me know about how you really felt about me." He said. "And.. after a long time of thinking about it.." he cuts himself off as his cheeks turn red,

"...I like you too." He confesses.

But,

I don't feel any different.

I don't have butterflies in my stomach.

I don't even feel my face heating up.

It was like...

I was never inlove with him in the first place.

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way." "W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I watch as his expression goes from flustered to heartbreak. "..." i grow silent.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't." I say, opening the doors to the factory, not wanting the situation to get more awkward. "...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." he says as his voice was slightly shaking. "Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." I said, walking in and closing the door on him.

[Heisenbergs pov]

"I... I'm sorry, Lord Heisenberg... but.. I dont feel the same way anymore. I think... it was that small bottle the duke gave me, but.. I am sorry, i don't feel the same way."

"W-wait.. you're.. you're joking, right...?" I say with my voice slightly shaking. Dammit.. god... fucking...

DAMMIT...!

Just when i thought i finally found the love of my life, he's stripped away from me.

"..." he was silent.

I could feel the heartbreak slowly filling me up.

"Let's... let's get inside... we'll catch a cold if we don't."

"...Y... yeah... just, gimme a minute.." i stammer while i try not to break down infront of him.

"Alright.. just... please be quick, you'll get a cold." He says, as he walks in and shuts the door. Heh.. it's cute how he still worries about me when..

Nevermind.

I need some time to thi-

My thoughts were interrupted when i started to violently cough. What i didn't expect though...

Was a flower petal.

"..."

"Heh..."

"So this is what he felt." I said, as i look at the bloody flower petal in my hand.

[princeanxious]

What art are you most proud of? And please show us a pic if you can! <3

Not gonna lie, this was actually p hard to answer. I’m honestly proud of any piece I get done, especially any full body, full color, full background pieces, and I refuse to let myself out-right hate anything that I draw in general now-a-days, unfinished or no. I draw for fun, always have, so I try not to put too much worry on how good something looks so long as it gets my idea across in a way that I like, or that I tried?? (And ik being proud of a piece doesnt have to tie into what the end result looks like, im just covering that base) I looked through all of my recent digital art on my ipad(that i’ve had what, 3-4 years at this point?) and found myself about just as happy with each finished piece-

-Except one. There is one piece that I forget about constantly but I’m honestly super proud of the amount of effort it had put in to reach the end result. It probably sees a number of glances infrequently(due to my sporatic activity on said blog) but isnt posted to this blog’s art tag.

It’s the blog banner I drew for my @thelostguardianau fic, of the(at the time) whole cast in the au. You can find the post to reblog it from here but i’m also adding it below for reference. (* and honestly I’ll mention every other art piece in this au posted to it’s blog stands at having this same proudness, as each individual characters complicated design fed into this big banner, each one having a giant set of uniquely drawn wings, complex body markings, and unique clothing and features. And I would not have been able to complete this banner without having those singular character chart pieces finished first, except for Thomas’s design, who has yet to be posted for ✨reasons✨)

This fricking Banner was and still is(for now, *wink*) the most ambitious piece I’ve managed to finish. It took me so long, my wrist hated me, my ipad hated me, my ipencil hated me, medibang hated me, this piece pushed the limits of the poor app. Every time I try and open this piece up on the app it takes a solid couple seconds to open, save, and close.

From sketching to lining every single character, to having to uniquely match up Their Wing Sizes and Heights, because Guardians are fucking Tall, so Wing size and Height size was hell to calculate and portray. Why, you might ask?

Because I was limited to the proportions that would actually fit into a tumblr mobile banner. Which, funfact, is much smaller than you’d think!

I had to make sure they’d all fit, wings and all. And they didnt fcking want to. But I made it fit, because I wanted a full body + wings cast banner and goddamn it that was going to happen. And I did. And I lost a fuck-off amount of detail-space for it.

Coloring it wasn’t exactly difficult, but I will once again point back to this app hating this piece and it draining my battery because of it. I work in layers. My lineart will have 5-6 different layers in color before I combine them and set the hue to black, but I still keep my lineart seperate in that each character has their own lineart, and the background lineart is seperate.

I had their lineart, and probably still do, seperated into Seven different layers, one per character, each one w/ an extra masking layer for their wing glow. Each character got their own folder for colors, and had multiple layers for each colored section: clothing, skin, skin blush + eye whites, hair, wings, body markings, marking glow. And then there was the background layers, and the glowing affects, ect. The whole piece stands at having about 80 total layers having been used over the course of making it.

So yeah, Medibang does not like this piece when I try to open it. xD

But really, setting aside fighting and babying technology thats being pushed close to its limit, the real pride comes from the fact that this piece has Seven fully colored, near-full body characters drawn, all touching and interacting and accurate to the scale that I made. It is the most amount of characters in one piece that I’ve ever drawn, colored, and finished, and I’m pretty fricken proud of it.

Which makes it all the more daunting that said banner is going to get an upgrade, because it’s a Character Cast Banner after all, and its going to have four more fully designed and full winged characters added into it.

And by upgrade, I mean I get to redraw the whole dang thing. Because I gotta rearrange ✨everyone’s✨ positions. And at this point, the only way thats possible is by starting over.

wish me luck on that. o_o;

[angelicmichael]

Pretty Please

Jim Mason x reader

Summary: Jim and Reader decide to throw a christmas party but get distracted while trying to do so. Christmas fic!!

Words: 2.5k+

Warnings: Hella sexual tension, no smut but almost smut?? Very sexually suggestive hehe, fluff with no plot basically, SO much fluff its gross

A/N: based off this prompt I found in a christmas prompt list 'Making out under the christmas tree because the lights reflecting in their eyes just looked too ethereal for them not to kiss them until they lost their breath' sorry I cant find the specific prompt list this came from. Jim and Reader are both 18+, and this is kinda canon rewrite?? Basically as if the ending in ttopv didnt happen and Jim actually lived.. and got a gf haha. ALSO loosely based on the song 'pretty please' by Dua Lipa. Enjoy 💖 read the tags for more thots

You felt as if the wind had been knocked out of you once you entered the apartment.

The minimalistic decorations that once adorned the small apartment you and Jim owned were now paired and even doubled with new, shiny, Christmas decor. The last thing you were expecting to come home too was christmas decorations, to be completely honest. You knew the decorations were new because prior moving in together- you two had nothing.. christmas decoration wise anyway.

Saying that Jims childhood and even high school years were rough was definetly a understatement; you were thankful you didnt have to see him in that state and that you met him after that time.

You only met his parents once; well his mom anyway and almost immeadietly you knew why it took him so long for him to introduce you to her.

She was a fucking nightmare.

She told you immeadietly about Jim's dark past, probably in a lazy attempt to scare you off. She told you about Jim's father, the drugs, and even the drug overdose that nearly killed him. That didn't scare you off - but what it did do was break the final fucking straw for Jim who happened to overhear everything she said.

He hadn't talked to his mom since.

Medina frequently came over, she was practically your best friend and stayed incredibly close with Jim. In fact, you were supposed to see her in roughly a hour... along with a handful of other Jim and yours close friends.

With Christmas being so soon you and Jim decided to have a spontaneous christmas party. The idea was to decorate together but.. apparently Jim had other plans.

There was a wreath on the front door for one, and multi colored lights and Garland that were kept nearly on every surface of the house. Smaller christmas related knickknacks were placed too on the dining and coffee tables. It looked beautiful. You couldnt believe Jim would do this all for you, you meant to help but work unfortunately ran short so you had to cover a coworkers shift.

The entire living room was kept pretty dark and dim, only candles and the soft lighting from the christmas tree lights allowed you to see at all- but it was still enough. It was romantic if anything.

Jim didnt say anything as he came out to the living room to greet you. He stayed silent, watching you and your reaction as you spun around - trying to admire the apartment from every angle possible.

As you continued to keep walking in the apartment and admiring Jim's work, you couldn't help but dumbly giggle.

"Jim; dont get me wrong, I love the apartment but why didnt you just wait for me"? You marveled.

He smiled shyly, a light blush coating his cheeks.

"I wanted to spend as much time with you that I could when you got back before people started to show up for the party". He admitted, sounding slightly bashful and shy as he spoke.

He approached you, and you couldnt help but to feel butterflies at the closer he got. You dont know why you were suddenly starting to feel nervous at doing a act so simple; like kissing your boyfriend. Perhaps it was because normally when you two kissed or showed affection it was done so quickly and without second thought; it wasnt 'special'. You weren't blaming Jim for that either, you knew that was typical in long term relationships. However - tonight he was actually taking the time to be with you. It was beyond romantic.

He looked delicious. His hair wasnt messy but it wasnt kept up enough to look like he brushed it recently, yet it still managed to look so soft. You were yearning to run your fingers through it.

Once you were within arms reach, he quickly enveloped you in a hug. Forcing you to inhale his scent while you quickly buried your nose in his jacket, trying to take him all in.

He smelt like a hint of weed, but mostly like the ocean. You suspected he must've went surfing a while ago.

Even though the apartment was decorated for christmas and it was currently Winter; the air was still warm, maybe even a little muggy. The sun had finally decided to set, just sinking below the far off treeline - making the sky in a state of in between. Not dark but not quite light out either.

In the part of California you and Jim lived in, it only dropped about 10 degrees in the winter. You wore a warm cardigan since you came just home from outside; along with a pair of jeans and cozy boots that seemed to be your go to outfit in the winter.

Jim on the other hand wore a tight fitted dark navy shirt under his typical Jean jacket which you gently clutched onto.

"I missed you. I hate when you have to work during the holidays". You heard him softly grumble, which made you giggle.

You slowly moved, you backed your head up just enough so that your faces were now right next to each other. You bumped noses - you considered kissing him for a split second but you chose not too. Instead ghosting your lips over his; and gently resting your forehead together.

"Why? It's not like today is a holiday or anything". You asked, a playful tone apparent in your voice.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you felt Jim's lips inch closer, you could nearly taste his breath. Minty mostly, and warm on your lips.

You suddenly were itching to kiss him, unconsciously moving forward to ease the growing tension between the two of you. You jumped a bit when you felt a hand start to rub your back, quickly relaxing when you realized it was just Jim being handsy. You heard Jim's voice, even though you were incredibly close to him, it was so soft you could still barely hear it. A quiet, sultry whisper.

"It doesnt matter if it's a holiday or not". Jim started, he backed up a bit.

Just enough to make eye contact with you, now gently cradeling your face in his hands.

"This is the first Christmas season I've had where I'm not in between my parents trying to break up a fight. I'm so thankful I get to spend it with you, I just wish I had met you sooner". Jim said, with a shy blush starting to dust his tan cheeks again.

By the time he finished talking you were beaming. Pure happiness and joy was coursing through your veins as you stepped forward and fully enveloped yourself in him, your hands grasped his shoulders to steady yourself while your lips feverishly and slowly met his.

Jim's hands quickly adjusted, moving from your face down to your waist. His fingers gripped your skin tightly; the slight pain made you moan. It didnt really hurt persay but you knew your skin would be purple and sore tommorow. However, in this moment you didnt really care about how your skin would look - you just wanted him.

Jim kissed you menacingly slow; his lips working against yours so slowly in a deliberate attempt to make you frustrated and it was working. Your fingers flexed into his shoulders as you let out a throaty moan. You broke the kiss and let out a hiss,

"Stop fucking teasing". You spoke, titling your head slightly and arching your neck out - trying to hint to Jim that you wanted him to start kissing down your neck.

However; that's not what he fucking did.

Instead of feeling Jim's soft warm lips on your neck, you felt his wet tongue lick a fast stripe down your neck - most likely tracing a vein. You yelped and jumped, only realizing after how stupid you probably looked for getting startled. Jim was laughing too, fucker.

"What the fuck, Jim"?! You asked, laughter mixing in with your voice.

Jim giggled before quickly leaning in and stealing another slow kiss from you before mumbling against your lips;

"As much as I would love to sit here and make out with you all day.. we have business to attend too".

He pulled back suddenly, his lips up turning in a smile as if he knew what exactly he was doing.

"Business"? You mused.

"Yes. We have company coming over in 30 minutes, love" Jim reminded you.

You rolled your eyes, completely unamused.

"Do they have to come"? You whined.

"Yes. They do. Now c'mon make yourself useful". Jim said.

He turned around, grabbing a box that sat idly in the living room which you didnt notice previously. Opening it, he pulled out a ornament. You dumbly smiled, knowing exactly what this meant. He approached you, ornament in hand with a corny smile on his face.

"I decorated everything but the tree. I wanted to save something for us to decorate together". Jim stated.

"Your such a sap". You said fully laughing.

You grabbed one of the ornaments out of the box and walking up to the tree. You felt dumb for not noticing how bare the tree was before. No ornaments, no lights, no tinsel.. nothing. Well, nothing execpt for the one shiny ornament that you had just hung on one of the branches right center in the tree.

The one ornament on the tree quickly doubled, and then tripled until the tree was fully adorned with ornaments. You and Jim (mostly Jim) hung a string of lights around the tree. Making the already ambience scene in your living room even more cozy and romantic.

"This was a good idea, babe". You said, quickly kissing him.

You quickly checked the time, there was still 20 minutes before anyone was supposed to show up.. An idea popped up in your mind.

A wonderful, awful idea.

You were already standing comfortably close to Jim; you turned casually around and place your hand square on his chest.

"Its too bad we finished decorating so early, hmm"? You purred.

You didnt dare take a step forward; you knew Jim would make the next move and sure enough he did. He took steps closer to you.

You cheeks were slightly rosy, with the slight embarrassment you felt from suddenly taking the reigns and being in control. Needless to say this wasnt something you were really used too.

"We still have the tinsel to put up, you know". Jim chuckled lightly.

You looked down for a split second and looked back up into his circealean blue eyes, batting your eyes at him.

"Or.. you know, theres something else I can think of we can do that's less boring". You said.

You let your hand slip and travel from his chest up to his shoulder, feeling the muscle that lie underneath your hands as you took your other free hand up to his other shoulder. Your heart skipped a beat when you heard Jim groan.

It's not like you two have never been intimate before; that was far from the issue. Even though you knew Jim for fucking ever and you two have had sex countless of times - he still managed to give you butterflies.

That's how you knew he was the one for you. Even after all this time he still seemed to make you nervous and blush.

"Is that what you think"? You heard Jim say. His voice lowered in a husky manner.

You felt his arms quickly grab you as he gently pushed you onto the ground. He pinned you on your back; his hands on your shoulders as he softly panted above you. His face hovered right above yours - and his legs on your thighs. Not that you were complaining but you certainly couldnt leave or escape even if you desired too.

You merely giggled beneath him at this realization, not really wanting to switch from this position at all.

It sounded incredibly corny but you honestly wouldnt be surprised if you had took a brief visit to heaven. You felt pure, unfiltered ecstasy as you looked into Jims eyes.

The aroma from the pine tree that was directly above you and Jim filled your senses; the smell along with the candles set the atmosphere perfectly. Ornaments hung directly above you two, the rainbow lights from the tree reflecting in Jim's light blue eyes.

Because of the nature of how light Jim's eyes were, typically seeing reflections of other objects or anything really in them was close to impossible... but, maybe it was the already dark lighting in the room or a bit of christmas magic that made seeing the lights in Jim's eyes possible.

It made the already beautiful man look nothing but ethereal. You were left speechless as you could do nothing but stare, and get lost in his eyes.

You couldnt help but feel how lucky you were to even be in this situation, how lucky you were to be loved by him.

You could do nothing execpt for smile cheesily and blush at your new realization. Instead of craning your neck awkwardly to reach his lips, you chose to be smart and innovative instead, by taking one of your hands and pushing his head into yours - gently of course.

His lips met yours and you nearly moaned from the anticipation. You kissed him slowly, relishing in the feeling of being on the floor with non other than Jim Mason. You knew for a fact you would never do this with anyone else, nor did you even want to spend the time thinking about doing so.

His lips were warm and soft - not chapped in the slightest. They danced perfectly with yours; making separating for air almost a painful and undesired act.

When you separated, Jim still didnt let up off of you. He remained on top, breathless. His lips were swollen and pink, and were his cheeks. His eyes still looked beautiful, but even more so now that his pupils were dilated.

You heard him let out a soft, shallow growl. Bending down swiftly, almost animalistically, to the side of your mouth to give you a quick kiss. His lips ghosted and drifted down over your jaw; until you felt them meet your neck in gentle soft kisses.

Your mouth fell open, your fingers gripping the soft tree skirt below you that was riddled with tree nettles.

"Jim, wait". You spoke, barely even able to get the words out of your mouth without moaning.

You saw his head immeadietly snap up, those gorgeous blue eyes meeting yours again.

"Arent we having company over in like.. 10 minuets"? You asked, laughing.

You noticed Jim let out a brief chuckle as well before replying.

"Ugh, your right but if only I could bring myself to get off of you, baby". He spoke, gently attacking your neck in slightly more aggressive kisses than what you were typically used too. Although, you certainly weren't complaining.

You felt Jim slightly push his hips into yours, you automatically opened your legs - wrapping them around his waist and lower half. He gently started to grind into you; and there was no point in even trying to bite down or mask your moans at this point. All you felt was pure, unfiltered love for the man who was on top of you.

"I love you, Jim".

~

Taglist: @mina672 @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon

[gh0stwriting]

may I request hcs for Jason, Thomas and Wall Boy with a S/O who's very tall, maybe even taller than them and v v insecure about it at times 👉👈 maybe cause they're not this petite, cute figure they feel like they have to be

(yall out here wanting to be giraffes lmao same im 5’3. but also apparently most of the hella tall slashers are 6’5 so i changed it up a lil)

JASON VOORHEES

(him= 6’7. you= 6’4)

hes thankful for your height because he wasnt about to break his spine just for some affection, he loves you but he also loves being able to stand up straight.

you actually met in your last year at the camp, well, he saw you, you were fiddling with your swimsuit and mandatory lifejacket trying to somehow stretch them to fit more comfortably, to no avail. you got in the canoe with your friends and actually saw him but didnt scream, as you thought he was dead.

turns out he isnt, shocker, and took a liking to you for not instantly being terrified of him. you frequently woke up to see flashes of a hockey mask in the cabin window but just played it off as a nightmare or lucid dream.

you eventually started to have one sided conversations with him out in the woods and it evolved into how you are now, whether youd call it love or not. if youre ever visibly insecure hed just kinda eye you for a minute and not do anything unless it was really bad, then hed let you cuddle him or whatever you wanted to do with little objection.

also he makes it very clear that he actually prefers the fact that youre tall and loves you exactly how you are, no matter your appearance. also just because he prefers your height doesnt mean hed hate/kill you if you were short, it just makes things a lot easier.

THOMAS HEWITT

(him=6’5. you= 6’6)

hes never met anyone taller than him and is honestly intimidated but like him, you’re mostly a gentle giant with a heart of gold. but considering you’re taller than Thomas you’re also taller than the whole Hewitt family, that doesn’t stop them from messing with you though.

you have been known to help the family with their “activities”. acting like you were a victim too and then using the sheer size difference between you and the stranger to take them down and hand them off to Thomas. we dont talk about that though.

though most people are jealous of your height, its not all that great all the time. especially with the fact that most of your clothes are just ever so slightly too short but you cant go and buy more.

Thomas physically refuses to let you be insecure about your height for more than a minute though. if he sees you looking in the mirror and focusing on your legs or trying to pull your skirt/pants down more than what would be considered normal then he’ll grab your hands and just stare at you with the love of Cupid himself.

this man literally loves you so much and will not let you think badly of yourself for a second, he’ll do anything in his power to make you as confident as you can be and will be visibly upset if you talk badly about yourself.

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE

(him= 6’3. you= 6’5)

he already has enough trouble running through the walls with his height, evident by the huge chunks broken out of the support beams from where hes obviously hit his head and the cracks lining the top of his mask from the force of the impact. so have fun trying to go anywhere inside the walls with him.

he actually finds it kinda cute that youre taller than him and it kinda makes him feel like a kid because he has to look up at you, if that makes sense. but he loves everything about you, and if youre a little clumsy because of your height he finds it even cuter.

at times you feel like youre a doll in a dollhouse, what with the mansion and your porcelain faced boyfriend, but those thoughts are often soured by the negative thoughts of how dolls dont look like you do, theyre usually small and fresh faced and cute, which youve never seen yourself as. but brahms does, and he makes sure you know how cute he finds you with nicknames like “doll” and “button” and borderline aggressive compliments.

he’ll carry you around the house even if you say youre too tall for that, but he’ll deny it and ask you to carry him too, its just fun to him. he’ll also do stupid things like play tag with you but inside the walls, and if you happen to get hurt, expect a dozen bandaids per scratch because he thinks thats how it works, dont tell him the truth though you might break his heart.

also he’d find it funny and cute if you tried to put things just out of his reach, because that means you underestimate his willingness to climb on the counters or whatever he has to just to get what you tried to hide.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

what its worth jack daniels x reader

+++++++++

they did his character so dirty and im still kinda salty about it. i know this one is a little ooc and doesnt feature him as much as i was hoping it would but this was the first fic with him that i started. much like the javi stories i have others started, including a three parter that is much more in detail. so if yall dont like this one i get it, its not my greatest, but know it gets better and i do have others i promise

pregnant!reader, and no its not jack's lol

Song: ill always be around by waterparks

tag list: @cynic-spirit

++++++++

i leaned back into the kitchen island and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"do you want to go to the doctor appointment with me or not?"

i said a little irritated into the phone.

"i dont see why i need to."

i shrugged.

"gee, i dont know, maybe because im carrying your kid?!"

i said a little dumbfounded, hearing him let out an exasperated laugh.

"who said i wanted it?"

he asked and i could feel the rage boil through me.

"no one said either of us wanted it zach, but here we are."

i said sternly.

"this was just supposed to be casual hookups, this isnt my fault."

i snorted.

"actually it is. im sorry you'd rather hit it raw and not deal with the consequences.

i heard him sigh into the receiver.

"why dont you get your new boyfriend to take you? hes old enough to be a dad."

i closed my eyes and breathed deeply.

"You fucking suck you know that?"

I said softly, hearing him scoff into the phone.

"I thought that maybe you would want to be here for this baby, it's yours too ya know."

i turned around and placed my elbows on the counter, hearing a rustling in the background.

"look, y/n, i was excited when we found out ill admit that. but ive been think the last three months since we found out and there is no way im fit to be a dad yet. we're both barely out of college, i dont have a steady job, rent is killing me right now. i cant afford a baby; i can barely take care of myself."

i closed my eyes and dropped my head down.

"you know if i put your name on the birth certificate you are legally obligated to help right?"

i asked and there was a long pause. i looked down the hall when i heard the bedroom door creak open.

"and? whats yoour point?"

he asked and i rolled my eyes, looking up as jack walked in with a yawn, his hair messy from his nap. i would've laughed if i weren't so stressed.

"and, youll be paying child support. so you can either step up now and help me get things ready or when it gets here we can go to court and figure out exactly how much you'll be paying a month."

there was another long silence. i knew he was resisting the urge to turn his apartment upside down in a fit of rage. that was part of the reason i told him i didnt wan to date him. our relationship was purely sexual and i wanted to keep it that way, until things changed and we decided to keep this.

"then i guess we'll let the courts decided, cause im not doing this now."

he said sternly and i clenched my jaw, watching jack as he walked around the counter, moving to hug me from behind.

"i guess youll be hearing from my lawyer then."

i said, feeling jacks thumb rub circles into my ever growing baby bump.

"i guess i will."

zach said and i hung up on him, slamming my phone down onto the counter and hanging my head in defeat.

"Zach again?"

He asked and I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Isn't it always?"

I asked and he laughed a little bit, pulling me up and pressing his chest into my back.

"Wish it would've been me."

He said, kissing my neck softly. i sighed, leaning back into him as he wrapped his arms fully around my waist, hands planted firmly against my stomach.

"You and me both."

I agreed, feeling the vibration as he hummed against my ear.

"If only I woulda come along one month sooner."

He said amused, loosening his grip as I moved to turn and face him, placing my hands against his bare chest. Now I could laugh as i looked over him, a sleeping grin across his face as i reached up and fluffed his already messed hair. he was cute when he was sleepy.

"Surely you wouldn't do the same to me,"

I said, looking over his face a little worried.

"Would you?"

I asked and he shook his head frantically.

"Of Course not baby."

He reassured, noticing the tears beginning in my eyes and reaching up to cup my face in his hands. God damn I never cried this much before the kid. he looked between my eyes before kissing me gently, his mustache tickling my lip.

"no, i love you sweetheart. and i I only hope you decide to keep me around long enough to see it grow up."

He said softly and I let out a sob-laugh, his hand going back to my stomach.

"Really?"

I asked and he nodded, looking between my eyes.

"all i ever wanted was a family."

he said softly, leaning in and pressing his forehead into mine.

"If you'll let me, I'd love to stick around and help you take care of it. I know I'm not their actual dad but that doesn't mean I don't want to be a stand in."

He said and I could feel one of the tears slip down my cheek as i closed my eyes, nodding quickly against him as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him to me.

"I would love that jack."

I said through I sob. I could feel him smiling as he moved to kiss my cheek.

"I love you."

He said, pulling away a bit. I couldn't help the smile on my face as I leaned up to kiss him gently again. When I pulled away I sniffled, blinking the tears away.

"I love you too jack."

[teethsies-chompies]

Toy Soldiers

ITS MY LAD!! MY FUCKED UP LAD!! I love him very much he doesnt know how to express emotions properly and hes trying his best look at him go :) he babey!! But yeah also this ones one of the darker ones ive wrote, and ill tag them as well BUT!! hes my babey.....

TW: Child abuse

It sucked in a breath while its dad screamed in front of it. He had his little brother behind him, and he could feel as he shook. It was standing in front of his little brother so he wouldn't get hurt. If it got hit, it knew it could take it, but his little brother can't. He's not used to that after all, whereas it is used to it. It was only eight years old, his brother being four. Their mother had ran off as soon as she could, she wanted nothing to do with them. 

When it came to school, it came with its head up high. It didn’t care that it still had a black eye from last night, it was proud. It had taken the beating, and was still going. It ignored the stares from classmates and horrified teachers. When a teacher did pull him away, he simply explained what happened. The teacher had him put ice on it and sit down. When it asked what was going to happen, the teacher said that she would fix this for him.

When he got home from school that day, he watched as his dad got dragged away, kicking and screaming. Screaming things that at the time, it only had slight knowledge of, but knew they were nasty things. It didn’t know the meaning of most of them until it was much older. If only he did know, because he most likely would have lunged at the man that sired him, and would have gone for his throat. No one speaks about it or its little brother like that. 

Once that was dealt with, it helped his brother pack. They were going to stay with their aunt for some time, until proper arrangements could be made. It didn’t mind after all, they were getting a roof over their heads, a nice place to sleep, and at least one warm meal. It wasn't going to complain about this treatment. It was already better than what its dad did.

Living with their aunt wasn’t bad, in fact she was a pleasant enough person, but she didn’t know anything about children, especially ones that need special adjustments. So it learned to bury that all down, to not be a problem. And it’s lived like that for years since. As soon as it was 16, it got a job, to help support. It still did good in classes, but it was hard, school was hard, and work was more important to them. But they managed both. 

As soon as he turned 18 he enlisted. Into the army, and he gave years for what it considers to be a good cause. It was mainly to provide for his little brother, but it worked out in the end regardless. Both him and his brother got what they needed, and they were mostly happy. Its focus was still on its brother, even after years had passed. Something something, what it learned years later is, “brotherly love” they don’t quite understand how people don’t just want to help the family that they love. 

While he was serving he also did online school, balancing them both. Over the years he just kept getting promoted, rising up until he eventually did retire. Or at least he tried to retire, when an old friend of his reached out, with a suggestion. It was skeptical after all, because it hasn't spoken to this person in years. And he was told that he was dead, so that didn't help. This erked it, alot. It didn’t like this, people don’t just come back to life! But his suggestion was something simple.

That suggestion was that it go work for the Foundation, after all, the council believed he would be a good fit. And it agreed, and the next thing it knows, it's been declared dead, and been given another name. It sighed, this wasn’t what it wanted exactly, but hey, it works. Once again, it wasn’t going to explain. It had a bed, food, and people it somewhat trusted. This was better than most of its living conditions in the past.

The council decided to just stick with his rank, and it was fine with that. It didn’t like change, let alone sudden change, so this helped with getting used to its new job. It still didn’t like that it wasn’t on the front lines, but it could live. At least it got a good name and a good number, its favorite number, coincidentally enough. This made him extra happy, well, he wouldn’t use happy as his word of choice. It would use proud, if it was to be honest. 

Daniel Mortimer sighed, and he finally let himself relax, for the first time in years. He let his guard down, for the first time in forever. He was calm, and he also felt safe for once. He wasn't on edge, and he was content with this feeling. It was a jarring to him, to feel like this. It wasn’t used to these feelings. But more importantly, he had made it in life. He was proud of himself, and it was letting itself feel that.

But he also was proud of his number, he liked being known as Four, “The Commander.”

[valdotpng]

Can the Gay art bugs also help Myla?

while she definitely Could join hallownests coolest new art club/therapy group, i dont really think that her problems being solved by becoming some kind of an artist would fit her character… arc? i guess??

see, i picked the ‘quirrel gets dragged to sheo’s and becomes a landscape painter’ route for several reasons (tw for suicide mention/discussion btw!!): 

the first one being, obviously, the nailsmith - a character that has a lot of similarities with quirrel when you think about it. he also helps you on your quest throughout your big adventure– he upgrades your weapon til he forges the pure nail and so, after doing the thing that he was meant to do, wants to end his life. if we take the ‘quirrel kills himself after the blue lake scene’ theory into consideration here, you can definitely see the similarities in their… approach to fullfilling their ‘life purposes’. and imo thats exactly the kinda thing that both of these guys could bond over if quirrel is given the same opportunity to recover from this kinda mentality. if the nailsmith lived through this, then so can quirrel

the second one is related to the thing that people like to point out a lot - quirrels nail, how he always iterates the vital importance of having one, and how he symbolically abandons it by the end of his journey. this is where sheo comes in! sheo is basically a bug whose whole life used to revolve around the nail… until it didnt; he was able to find a new calling in life by abandoning his old one. ‘abandoning’ is a strong word though, cause he definitely held on to most of his knowledge and mastery of the nail, repurposed it. after all, “the wielding of a nail, the wielding of a brush… these things are not so different”. maybe quirrel could learn this lesson, too

the last one is that i just think that becoming a traveling landscape artist just… fits him?? quirrel LOVES exploring and sightseeing, so why couldnt he become passionate about trying to capture the many wonders of hallownest (and possibly other lands)? preserving those awe-inspiring places, recording those moments of discovery on a canvas. to archive them, if you will.

i hope they dont mind the tag (i’ll delete it if u do), but @wingmould added some really nice tags on my original post about the idea, and, Yeah. i wholeheartedly agree

now to myla. first and foremost, i gotta say that im one of the people desperately clinging to the hope that if you dont touch her and then get rid of the infection, she gets cured and lives happily ever after. that being said, i know that some of yall accidentally (or purposefully, out of mercy) kill her. so! heres what i got for our sweet miner girl in vals ‘theyre FINE shut up’ au:

in my understanding, the main cause of myla succumbing to the plague are two things feeding into eachother: her obsession and her loneliness. 

(presumably) like many explorers before her, myla came to hallownest with a specific goal in mind -  to get wealthy. and them mysterious, powerful crystals near the mines sure do look like a jackpot, dont they? especially when they start singing about ‘something even more valuable hidden deeper in’. that’s the reason she comes down there, the reason why she stays AND the reason why the radiance is able to invade her mind so easily. but i think that if she just had someone that could stop that obsession from consuming her, she could get saved??

like, sure, little ghost might pop in now and then to listen to her singing, but i dont think theyre really able to tell her ‘myla for the love of god stop overworking yourself and go outside’. and, from what we know, she doesnt have any friends/acquances besides the knight who could do that, either. “This is hard work, but I don’t mind. Down here, I can k-keep working without even sleeping. It’s fun!” see what i mean????? shes been down there for god knows how long, sleep deprived, probably starved, and alone, and NOBODY tells her that, hey, maybe she should, like, take care of herself? please??

so my idea is that someone actually does that and saves her. im thinking maybe sly? or cornifer?? cornifer deffo would be a better candidate since, in-canon, he could find myla while doing some exploring. and then he could take her to dirtmouth at some point, to, yknow, get some fresh air and maybe a cup of bug tea or whatever. and, after speaking with iselda, she Possibly could get hired as the new map shop keeper? since iselda is interested in going on an adventure with corny. it would be a way for myla to earn some geo and not risk her life while doing that. plus she could make some friends in dirtmouth! that way she’d be surrounded by people that wouldnt let her reach that rock bottom again, yknow?

woof, thats!! a lot of text. sorry about that! im just really passionate abt HK discussions!! anyways, it’s 5 am and im still not sleeping so i should. probably go do that sdhfuashdffus. good night

[legolasgoldy]

SENSES AND OTHER ODDLY SPECIFIC HEADCANONS

Tagged By: @blind-mutant ty!! :D

Tagging:  @mikhailvalhidris, @driftinglightofthewoods, @admirable-mairon, @bouncingbeleg, and anyone else who wants to do it!! :D

// This will be for Finrod’s x-men au //

1. what does your muse smell like?

In modern x-men aus Finrod prefers lighter scents than harsh colognes, and his scent often resembles fresh wildflowers mixed with a less offensive musky amber-like scent, perhaps an underlying richness reminiscent of honey. Almost like a deep musky honeysuckle flower. This is achieved with his favorite cologne, soap, and shampoo/conditioner combined with his body chemistry. He often smells quite clean due to part of his mutation being a healing factor, bacteria cant fester in his pores to create an excess of body odor, but it can sit on his skin. That being said hes a human being so he does sweat and his skin will take on smells from other places. So if hes exerted himself enough to sweat a lot his normal scent will smell warmer and saltier. Or for example, after working in a garden or greenhouse, his skin may take in the smell of soil, etc. So it really depends on what hes done in a day like anyone.

2. what does your muse’s hands feel like?

Soft and warm. Finrod’s skin doesn’t callus easy or become dry unless hes in extremely poor health to the point his mutation cant work properly. Though, despite their softness they can feel very differently according to implications behind a touch. To most people, especially those he loves, his hands give off a very stable, safe, and warm feeling. To those threatening him or others, they can equally be just as threatening. Very much like Finrod in general. Hes a handsome and gorgeous man with a very sweet smile, but he can be terrifying when he needs to be. The same goes for his hands, they can convey exactly how strong he can be with a squeeze of your hand, and you know he could break yours with little effort, so back off and leave who ever youre threatening alone.

3. what does your muse usually eat in a day?

Some sort of breakfast in the mornings. It could be anything from eggs fixed in any way you can think of, fruit, toast, anything really. What ever hes craving. However he doesnt usually eat anything greasy, or eat meats for breakfast unless its linked sausages which are his favorite, or occasional bacon. He loves both tea and coffee so it depends on what hes in the mood for. At lunch he almost always has tea. He often eats vegetables of some kind as a side to a small meal with his tea. Maybe just a salad. In between lunch and dinner he may also snack on veggies or fruits if hungry. Dinner is probably his heaviest meal of the day in terms of it not being a lot of raw foods and moreso a prepared cooked meal. This would also be when he usually has dessert, but this is only an example, all this varies day to day depending bc no one is perfect. He may very well have sweets in the middle of the day. 

Sidenote, he doesnt eat a lot of candy or soda unless its something specific he likes bc his heightened sense of taste and smell makes a lot of artificial flavoring taste awful. It just depends if its a good fake taste or bad.

4. does your muse have a good singing voice?

Yes! Music is his passion, and that includes a lot of singing. He was a good singer before he gained his mutation, and afterwards when his vocal chords changed as part of his mutation it allowed him to reach any musical note and range without a problem. Which means he doesnt have a set range, but generally when singing he’ll stay a mix of baritone and tenor unless hes doing a dramatic note.

5. does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks?

Finrod has the tendency to make noises without realizing it? Its not exactly a /bad/ habit but can be embarrassing for example if disrupting a class because he was whining thinking of his partner. He can be overly polite sometimes, and at times expect the best of people until given a reason to think otherwise. Which may not sound bad either but * coughs and motions to werewolf thread*. It just highly depends on situation. He doesnt want to judge anyone unless given a reason but to be fair he usually can tell when something is up. He may also gnaw on his lip or tongue with a fang when nervous. He can accidentally break things when excited or distraught as well. Essentially when experiencing extreme emotion or feelings he forgets to keep his strength in check. Like running up stairs and breaking them, or crushing something hes holding. He sometimes perks up when hearing random noises much like a dog, or make little quick sniffs trying to smell something which isnt always welcome when someone thinks hes being rude haha. I guess those arent bad habits either, just funny/misunderstood ones. Theres a lot of little things specific to different situations but i’ve already written a ton so i’ll leave it there!

6. what does your muse usually look like/wear?

Finrod normally looks well put together. He’ll take the time to tame his curls into smoother larger curls, and likes dressing in his own style. He enjoys button up shirts, but does wear pull on shirts too. He also really likes shirts with collars, and leaves one button undone when able. As far as pants go, he’ll wear most kinds as long as they are a more fitted pant, not loose. Seeing as his body regulates his temperature more than a normal persons would, he can wear pants in the summertime without much problem if he wants to, but he will wear shorts when its hot out, ranging from short to mid and lower thigh lengths depending on activity. He enjoys wearing all shades of green, as green is his favorite colors but he wears a lot of different colors. The the only thing you will never catch him wearing are vibrant primary-blue jeans, he wears jeans in more muted colors, and he would never wear khaki colors. Jewelry is something hes always wearing, including emerald green studs or dangly earrings, and one ring on a ring finger unless hes married then more than one. As for shoes it really depends on occasion, it could be boots, dress shoes, or tennis shoes.

7. is your muse affectionate? how much? how so?

He is very affectionate both verbally and physically. When listening to someone talk he’ll make little noises occasionally in response to what theyre saying, sometimes without even realizing. These could be human hums or canine like whines and whimpers. Finrod is definitely a hugger, and loves hugging his family and friends, as well cuddling them, and letting them cuddle him when ever the notion strikes to.

With a romantic partner, he is very verbal with whines and whimpers just from  looking at them. Whether hes thinking how happy he is, or how beautiful they are. Hes very affectionate, loving, and sensual in a relationship, so he gives a lot of affectionate touches and kisses. For example, he would often hold their hand and play with their fingers affectionately. He nuzzles his partner a lot too. Basically, a lot of touches, cuddles, nuzzles, and whines.

8. what position does your muse sleep in?

Generally, he’ll either sleep on his side or stomach, and have his face partly covered in some way. Its a wolfy habit of his to have at least his nose covered, it makes him most comfortable. When cuddling with someone, he’ll hide his face on them in some way, depending. He doesnt mind not hiding his face if someone is sleeping on his chest or something. 

9. could you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?

Probably. He doesnt go out of his way to be extremely quiet, but also doesnt go out of his way to be noisy. He just in general would walk normally unless hes actively trying to be quiet. In which case, he’d make sure not to make any verbal noise and walk very lightly. Then he probably could walk down a hall unheard, but he doesnt normally try to.

[whitewolfbumble]

Needed Touch (Bucky x Reader)

Summary: They needed you, and he needed you most of all. You became his addiction until it was taken away, and then you were something else to him entirely.

Anon Request: Can you do a platonic!avengers x wolf!reader, maybe a specific ship like bucky x reader would be fine as well! Since the reader can turn into a big wolf, she often cuddles with the avengers to help them relieve stress, and they all really like her, and once they sent her onto a mission something really bad happens and really angsty stuff?

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Wolf!Reader

Warnings: Angst and fluff!, things get intimate for a hot minute

Word Count: About 6k

A/N: Thanks for the request darling! One of my favourite Bucky lines I’ve written is in here, and it makes me weak my dudes. Still a lil wrecked from surgery/pain meds so sorry for any typos, I’ll come back a fix this sometime

MY MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAG LIST

Tony had an anxiety disorder. Bruce had, let’s say, explosive anger issues. Steve struggled, however valiantly, with depression. Natasha was obsessively striving to undo a past that couldn’t be undone, losing her identity and life in the process. Thor- when he was here- was in denial of the brutal grief he had suffered. Sam had a crippling case of survivor’s guilt that would strike hard without warning and stop him dead in his tracks. That was just scratching the surface of your team members, and there were more damaged people where that came from.

And then they added Bucky. You couldn’t even begin to get into the near century of trauma there.

But at least they all had you.

However much love and loyalty there was among you, you were what was holding this team together. Mentally and emotionally they needed you as much as they needed oxygen, being the balm and breath of air to them, outweighing their combined trauma.

You were human and wolf in one, each side of you forming one whole. A mutation, curse, and gift wrapped together, much like the various parts of the others on the team. And quickly from week one you had found you belonged among them.

Maybe it was the protective wolf in you. Or the feeling of companionship you exuded with every encouraging word or soft smile. Or the loving brightly, happy feeling those around you felt when you laughed and played, young and free like those cute little puppies in those cute little videos. Or maybe it was the ferocity and barred teeth you showed on the battlefield, unwavering in your aggressive defense of your team. Or maybe it was your other ability that did it.

Whatever the combination, it had made you a perfect- and necessary- fit to this team.

Tucking back your hair, you absently brushed fingers passed your subtly pointed ears. Settling into to a grey afternoon and a cushy couch had been easy enough, with a half decent book in one hand and the other placed on Clint’s head.

He was lying down on the couch, head on a thin pillow in your lap, feeling the calm of your other distinct ability seeping into him like custard into bread pudding.

Your legs crossed, Tony pressed a pleasant pressure against your knees, his anxiety held at bay by both you and the focused energy of tinkering with a delicate piece of paper-thin metal and razor-thin wires in his hands.

The people changed, the positions changed, but the constant presence of your team- your pack- around you was constant and most welcome.

As the slow afternoon silence stretched, you flipped to the next page in your book but didn’t continue reading. Head shifting slightly you paused, brow raising up ever so little before settling back into place as you understood what your senses had zeroed in on.

“Wonder when they’ll be back,” Clint said lazily, eyes closed and breath easy in his chest.

“They just pulled up,” you said absently back, eyes back on the text in front of you.

“Hmm,” he replied. “Hope it went okay.”

“Yeah, seems like it went just fine,” you said, shrugging a little. “No blood anyway.”

But in the back of your mind and in your ears you felt a nagging. Something off. Something not exactly quite right.

The wolf in you wasn’t separate like Bruce was to the Hulk. Your appearance may shift as you directed it to something akin to a large and black apex predator, a wolf in body and eyes and fangs. But that didn’t mean you were any less you in that state. Even now, human form with only little touches of something slightly “other” marking you like your ears, you still heard and smelt and saw with the enhanced senses of the shadowy beast you formed into. Not exactly as enhanced as in your other form, but still there nonetheless.

And sitting on the couch, listening intently to the sounds of Steve and Bucky return from their mission while your eyes were down in your book, you thought you could hear someone... limping maybe? The metallic, distinct smell of blood was absent though at least. Or maybe there were just too far away for you to smell it yet.

“And how would you know that?” Clint said, stretching and leaning up a bit to lock those hazel eyes to yours.

You wiggled your nose at him from behind your novel in teasing exaggeration.

“I can smell them,” you said, though Clint well knew that by now, though he loved to hear it. He was endlessly fascinated by who you were. That or he had taken a knock to the head too many times and really was that forgetful. “Sweat and quinjet exhaust, but nothing else really.”

Sitting in wait while Clint moved off you, you heard one set of footfalls approach nearer.

Now, however terrible it sounded, you hoped it was Steve that broke his leg and had sent Bucky to find you to help him. That would make this easier.

So, so much easier.

But when the blonde walked in your lips ticked down with a bit of a frown for a split second. Steve sat down beside you, limpless stride firm and precise though clearly a bit exhausted. He grabbed your hand as he sat and the both of you broke out into a smile.

“How’s our resident second super soldier?” you asked, subtly squeezing and moving your hand in his, caressing his palms and fingers. Comfort visibly eased into the lines of his friendly face and liquid light blue eyes.

“Hurt, but not much help there,” he admitted. “Unless you want to try again…?”

“Try again” made it sound like you had only attempted to corral Bucky once to indulge in that other specific ability you had. The man was unwavering like a marble statue, though you’d find a way to whittle him down. Or maybe he would do that himself.

“You know I will, Steve,” you said, standing up with a last pat to his hand and pat to Tony’s head as you shimmied passed him. “He’s one of us, even if he doesn’t yet think it.”

Because Bucky wasn’t the only one who could be considered unwavering and stubborn.

______

The door was open slightly like he was expecting you. He always expected you because let’s face it, he was smart enough to know persistence when he saw it. They others saw it as caring, but you didn’t think Bucky was quite ready to use that word just yet.

His room was somewhat clean, low lamps on instead of the main overhead lights, exuding a softer glow and casting darker shadows. It was small and comfy and how Bucky liked it, despite those descriptors being the opposite of the man himself.

He was peeling off his thick leather coat, arriving just before you did for one glaringly obvious reason. He had been slowed down to a snail’s pace by the broken leg that had somehow managed to make his whole body scrunch up tight and coiled. It was supporting no weight as he stood, held at just slightly an odd angle. Not to mention what you knew to be a pale and pain-hardened face if he were to turn around.

You leaned against the door frame, arms crossed with a bit of a huff you weren’t sure was from sympathy or exasperation.

“I could help with that, you know,” you commented, nodding to his limp as he glanced behind his shoulder to you, though his eyes remained low and didn’t yet meet yours.

You were tired of playing this game with him, but you knew by the weary lines and stiff way Bucky held himself that he was always far more weary of it. He had the ability to end that weariness and strain, if only he would reach out and simply touch you.

“I’ll heal,” he said, short and gruff.

Not because he was mad which you knew, though a flash of something- maybe guilt- sprung up through the pained look, and he took the time and effort to swivel on his good leg to face you more.

“I’m fine, Y/N,” he said, trying again and sounding a little more like himself. Seemed to take effort though. “You don’t need to keep checking on me.”

“I’ll stop checking on you,” you said. “When you stop leaving the door open for me.”

You stepped in silently under his watchful eyes, moving and sitting on the bed, back resting against the backboard. You didn’t snuggle down or sprawl out, wanting to be just a little respectful of his space you were invading, but clasped your hands in your lap and crossed your ankles neatly.

Bucky waited for a time before, with a bit of pain crumpled look on his face, turned to the bathroom and closed the door. You closed your eyes as you heard the shower, tried not to listen to him struggle and groan under his breath. When the streaming sound of the water stopped, you flicked the switch beside you and the lights went off, leaving you in semi-darkness with blinds closed tight.

The tiny amounts of grey light that came in was like that of the moon, beaming in cool and gentle. That was his kind of comfort. Bucky still enjoyed the darkness, able to move and stay shielded by the black murky shadows. To hide away from enemies and people and pain.

When he emerged from the bathroom, the light from it shone bright before he clicked it off, his frame clad in a black shirt and grey sweats turning shadowy. Though it was the afternoon, the room itself looked like it was the dead of night, with just those soft beams pooling on the ground at his feet.

“Are you going to wolf out on me?” he muttered through the space between you, though it was good-natured in tone. As much for him as for you.

You snorted quietly under your breath, a smirk on your lips.

“I’m not the Hulk, I have some control over myself.”

There was some hesitation after that from him, wavering there with weight on the one leg. It heavied the air that had been briefly lightened with jokes and teasing a second before.

You didn’t push or pry more than you already had by simply being here, but just waited. After another few moments the pain of standing seemed to outweigh the emotions keeping him from you.

Very slowly, he walked to the bed as you moved up your feet, giving him space to sit awkwardly but firmly on the edge.

He faced out for a few moments before placing his hand in the small space on the sheets between you, eyes refusing to turn to your own. Gently you placed your hand on top of his, ever so carefully entwining your fingers in with his. A minute passed before your other hand moved slowly and measuredly to the middle of his thigh and was held still.

He tensed as you did, but for much different reasons. He flinched at the contact of your fingers brushing his thigh. You at the familiar feeling of this process as it hit you, stark and bare and shook a little bit of your soul as your ability begin to work within him.

“Why do you do it?” he said quietly, face hidden in the darkness. “Why care?”

Everyone here knew what your ability was, even Bucky, though he refused to speak it.

It wasn’t healing, exactly. It was just taking the pain, giving them time to rest for their muscles to ease, for their teeth to stop grinding as they gritted through the pain. They could rest and their bodies would better heal themselves.

They sensed it when they were close to you. Felt it when they touched you. Relief and comfort and freedom from torment.

But the pain had to go somewhere. It couldn’t just evaporate and you couldn’t push it out, you could only pull it into your own body. So you took on their stabs and wounds, feeling the invisible injuries on your skin and in your muscles. At least with you, the second the connection was broken, it was gone. So you just breathed and you bore it.

“You’ve got it all wrong, Bucky,” you started softly, taking a moment as you felt like your femur was snapped in half inside your leg. “It’s not “why care”, but because I care. I know that’s foreign to you. Uncomfortable. And that’s okay for now.”

Your words were met with silence as there was no real answer for it, and none needed. It was truth and that caring he would call persistence. Because you weren’t going to let him live a pained life. Not when you could take it away from him and even if at a cost.

But for now, this was was okay. You could go one step at a time and nudge him along with you.

You stayed long beyond that, until the troubled man unclenched his muscles and his eyes drooped where he sat. Until his breathing became slow and deep and his head lulled. Until you gently laid him down when deep sleep took him over, painless and free.

_______

From there on, things started to change. Bucky had a hard time with your ability at first, clearly. He wasn’t particularly touchy or trusting to begin with, however cordial, which was pretty essential for your ability to work.

The next time it was a broken arm. How a super soldier could keep breaking bones like this, you didn’t know.

You went to his room and waited in the doorway just like before but you didn’t fully enter, leaving him alone instead. He was probably confused as he clutched his lifeless looking flesh arm, probably wondering and hoping you’d be your usual persistence self and silently insist again. But you hadn’t been.

You had gotten through a little to Bucky, even if only once. He had felt it and accepted it. Felt and accepted you, in that moment, finally. It was his turn now, to make the next step and you weren’t sure he would do it. But later that next night you heard a knock at your door.

“Can you help me?” he had asked, quietly, still holding his arm which close up looked almost shattered.

After the next mission and the next injury, he asked when you came to his room as you always did, almost steely look like he was fighting himself on saying something so vulnerable again. But the second he spoke that melted from his face, as though the words would have killed him to say but he survived, relief flooding him once uttered.

“I’m in pain, Y/N,” he had said, gruff and almost desperate. As though through all the years of pain he had reached his limit now that he knew what real comfort felt like. “Can you take it away?”

Soon enough as the weeks rolled by, he was coming to you for everything.

You expected this really, it had happened to everyone for a time.

Everyone hit a point where they clung to you at first, however subtly or not, until they realized both consciously and subconsciously that you weren’t going anywhere. That you were here to stay and this feeling was too. That you could be a reprieve to their pain and demons.

Bucky was different though. He had had no comfort, innumerable demons, and exclusively pain for much of the life he could remember. Now to be able to have physical hurts relieved and not inflicted, and with a simple touch feel comfort in his soul not anguish? It was massive for him.

He was addicted to you now. You were like the sweetest of drugs without overdose or side effects. Though you were beginning to wonder about withdrawal...

“This is really why you need me right now?” you said, in his bright bathroom on one late evening, months after that broken leg.

Bucky found quiet, intimate moments alone with you when he needed you close, always away from the eyes of the team. Pain he could admit to you now, but not them just yet, if ever.

But now whenever you walked into a room you saw the way he twitched, as though his automatic physical reaction was to reach out for you and it took his conscious mind a moment to stop himself.

But in moments alone with you he didn’t hesitate anymore. He let himself touch you and be touched, like a craving filled and peaceful contentment enjoyed.

“Yes,” he said simply, pleasant sigh on his lips as he sat on the bathtub ledge, head leaned up to you, standing in front of him. His eyes were still waters, glassy and serene, framed by those long lashes that matched his deep chestnut hair.

Your hand was placed on his neck, thumb moving across the line of his jaw. Just above your stroking was a small cut from shaving of all things, almost unnoticeable. You were surprised he had even felt himself do it.

This was a man who had been tortured. Shot. Stabbed. Forced to fight. Forced to kill. You would think one little nick would hardly be enough to call on you so late at night.

But a smug unheard purr settled somewhere in your soul, finally and truly having him trust you. The others could sit down beside you and hold your hand or give you warm smiles as your presence eased their soul. But from Bucky you had needed more. You had needed this.

And obtaining it was that same kind of hit Bucky got off of you.

“I think I’m just spoiling you now,” you smirked, his slow blink matching pace with your slow, caressing fingers.

“Then please keep spoiling me,” he whispered, leaning into you.

He rested his head on your stomach, nose and breath and lips pushing gently into the thin fabric draping your soft skin.

Steve had always ran hot, made into a super soldier in the warm New York summer heat. Bucky you thought was always deliciously cool, like the chill of Russian snow where he was made, clinging to him still. It reminded you of clean ice, fragrant pines, and a cloudless moon.

You could feel it all on his breath now, the cool air he sighed into your stomach making your skin tingle underneath. Without thinking your hands found their way into his hair, moving through the thick chestnut strands. Absently his hands moved up your calves to behind your thighs, hooking you lightly into him.

A slow sigh released from him into you, and you slipped one hand under shirt collar at the base of his neck, hand and nails lightly trailing down his spine. He clung to you all the more, a groan caught in his throat as you felt the delicate quiver of his skin under your fingertips. An arm wrapped around the small of your back, the other at the top of your thigh, constricting and binding you in.

You and he practically hummed in sheer contentment at this connection, a shivering pleasure between you both. Countless minutes rolled by, and also no time at all it seemed.

It was only when you pulled away that you saw his blissed and beautiful face, his hand moving up and bunching his shirt above his heart as he stared back at you. Those serene eyes were bright now, with a bright and beautiful smile to match.

“G’night Buck,” you murmured as you stepped back, voice with a bit of a wobble.

You turned, a little off kilter and touched down on the bathroom counter to steady yourself. As you walked out you caught a glance of yourself in the mirror above the sink, eyes half-lidded, a lopsided smile on your face. And it wasn’t from sleep-drunkenness.

It was from comfort.

It was from him.

“Then please keep spoiling me.”

The words ran in your mind like cool water lapping at a shore or warm fingertips trancing delicate lines on soft skin. That was what you dream of that night. It was only when you woke up, room filled with darkness and that comforting feeling gone did you respond to them.

Okay, you thought in silent response, I’ll keep spoiling you.

_______

“Good, we’re just about to start the new mission briefing,” Clint said to you as you walked into the small group by the couches.

When you entered the lounge the next day, several of the team had already gathered.

You expected that telltale flinch from Bucky where he said, wanting but stopping himself from reaching out to you. You had wondered after the closeness of last night if it would be worse. If your junkie would be craving you all the more now.

But he didn’t. He saw you, blue eyes behind brown hair sitting to himself on the side. But didn’t acknowledge you beyond those glassy ocean eyes connecting to yours. Not a flinch. Not a hello. Not a nod.

A frown fell on your face as your heart fell in your chest, and head filled with confusion.

Had last night gone too far? Should you have stopped it?

Well the answer to both of those was probably yes, but he had wanted it and you had wanted to give it, so why would have have been bad?

“We’re moving in on the Serpent Society tonight,” Steve said, looking out to everyone.

You achingly turned from Bucky, a shame and heat on your face now, looking instead to Rogers. Your eyes were intense and trying to hide it, focused on the blonde before you, but you weren’t seeing him.

You weren’t hearing the shuffles or sways of the team as they listened into the briefing. Didn’t smell the gunpowder coming off of Natasha, the steaming coffee in Tony’s novelty mug, or the clean crisp lemon of the freshly scrubbed floor. You didn’t notice anything outside of your focus: Bucky Barnes.

Steve talked on, background noise to you as you focused your senses to a sharp, steel point. Your body altered in response, the wolf in you showing in slight form little by little as you balanced walking the lines to stay on the right side of human-looking so as not to give yourself away.

A golden hue to your eyes began to shine, that liquid gold bright and deep. Nails grew and pointed, turning ever so like claws. You could hear and feel your body change just enough for your sense to enhance enough to zero in on the man you held last night. The one who had held you.

Then you heard it, a deep bass sound vibrating in your ear. A beating, low and rhythmic and pulsing.

A heartbeat, sped up and beating loud. In that moment you heard nothing else.

But you couldn’t feel eyes on you so you cleared your throat, and Bucky flinched, eyes snapping to you as you kept yours dead ahead on Steve, looking down and slightly away to hide the telltale glimmers of the something “other” always under your skin that was starting to show.

The moment his eyes were on you, the sound of his blood pumping and heart beating became thunderous, like the pounding beat of the drum. You heard him swallow, could almost hear his skin tighten, and lungs expand and deflate at a rapid speed.

All because he was looking at you.

You could feel his eyes detached from you, reluctant and pained like dropping a weapon in a fight. His breathing rightened, muscles unclenched just a touch in his shoulders, That modicum of calm was shot to hell when Steve spoke.

“Y/N,” he said, the shift in Bucky palpable to you, practically make you clenched your own muscles. “You’ll be on the west side with Bucky and Clint. They’ll sharp shoot if needed, you’ll watch their backs.”

At your name Bucky’s eyes were transfixed again, thunderclap heart beats almost filling the room and drowning out the sound of the others. You felt him swallow again, heard the creak of his chair as his hands gripped it tighter, felt the heat radiating off him like a heavy summer sun.

All because he heard your name.

You turned and left immediately once the briefing was over, under the excuse of prepping for tonight, but once out in the hall you rested against the cool wall. Again you eyes glinted gold, sense focused on the man inside that room.

He had walked closer to the door- perhaps following after you?- but had stopped. You heard a sigh, the wisps of fingers through chestnut hair as he stood on the spot, stopped by some thought or feeling.

You could hear the downturn to his voice as he answered a question, hear the shuffle of his feet where he stood. You could almost see his expression now, a miserable look, one trying to hide under a blank stare.

You walked down the hall, for the first time not knowing exactly what to do with feelings someone had about you.

This wasn’t about seeking your touch for ease. This wasn’t about comfort or calm. It wasn’t about a physical reaction to you at all, this was about you.

You could sense it, feel it, hear it, see it.

Bucky had feelings for you.

_______

“Are you going to stay like that the whole night?” Bucky said, peering to his side.

The woods were quiet, and most likely through decades of practice, Bucky’s voice lowered and morphed into a tone and volume that matched his surroundings. The forest was old and dark, with near-black greens from the tree mixing with near-black ground and sky.

In this space both you and he found the familiar darkness reassuring, both battle tested and trained to the bone on nights just like these ones.

Right now this wasn’t training, but a mission. You were a sentry and guard for Bucky and Clint, either positioned a distance apart with a gun or arrow pointed towards their targets base.

Bucky had found a bit of a cliff to set up on, body on the ground with sniper rifle pointed diligently and ready.

“Not that I don’t like it,” he continued quietly. “But I did want to talk with you.”

You made no movement or even acknowledgement that you heard him, though there was no way you wouldn’t have.

Tonight you were the wolf in full form, changing into a black beast of the night as soon as was possible. The rest of the Team had barely stepped off the quinjet when you were feet into the woods, shifting with ease like the shedding of clothes.

Black fur, long and silken, lined your frame and blended like a shadow into the half mooned night. Only golden, glowing eyes could be seen now, some feet away from Bucky, half watching his back and half watching for an enemy to emerge.

“I had the distinct impression…” he started after a minute of silence followed, pausing briefly before continuing, turning from his position to look behind himself at you. “That you ran from me this morning, and have been avoiding me since.”

The shift was silent, the darkness still hiding you. A human form, still hidden, save those golden eyes, was your form to answer him. Claws were still out and extended, ears at a point, senses picking up everything.

“What makes you think that?” you said, low and quieter than the wind.

Bucky’s jerked back to you in surprise, trying to find your golden eyes in the black.

“Well, usually you at least acknowledge me.” At that your eyes narrowed a little, and he caught their gleam.

Was he upset like you had been that he didn’t even say a simple hello or give a nod to you this morning? Not communicating had not been you forte, as guards tended to come down around you, making speaking and opening up easier. So this may was just a small thing, but it didn’t feel like it. And that explanation didn’t seem like it was the whole picture…

Bucky’s finger went to his ear piece as he stood, eyes locked on yours. “Clint, I’m moving positions. I won’t have eyes on this for minute. Will confirm when I’m back in ready position.”

“I’m not… I know when…” Your sigh came out almost as a hiss, struggling with the words. You focused back up at him, his shadowy frame in the darkness just an arm’s length away. “I’m not exactly clueless about what… feelings and attraction are. I can sense when someone has them for someone else.”

“And?” Bucky said. You went sure if he said that cluelessly or brazenly.

“And,” you said, quiet and firm. “You have feelings for me. I felt it this morning- I feel it now as you look at me- your heart catching and beating like thunder in your chest when you hear me or sense me. Your breath quickens, your skin flushes, you can’t stop blinking, you can’t help but move to get closer to me… I can practically smell the rush or hormones and chemicals racing through you when I’m close. It’s- it’s overwhelming.”

“You can sense all of that?” he said, before stepping closer. “What about now?”

You swallowed, brows pulling together, confused. “I… well, yes.”

“And now?” he asked softly, taking another step. This time it set his body right against you, his framed pressed to yours.

You had touched him before. Held him. Felt his skin to yours in quiet moments together. But this was much different.

You didn’t respond, just watched with throat tight and eyes wide as Bucky gazed down, nose brushing ever so lightly against yours. You felt his hand move up, slowly and deliberately up your arm, across your shoulder until it rest on the pulse point just under your jaw.

“Your heart’s racing too,” he whispered, fingertips pressing into your skin.

Silently he dragged them down, slow and smooth, stopping in the middle of you chest.

“And so is your breath,” he whispered.

You almost had a mind to huff and roll your eyes at him, your once distant Bucky long gone. But that reaction was quite lost to the one that was overwhelming you. It burned and tingled you skin and in your soul, it poured out of you in hot breaths and every pounding heartbeat, it rattled your soul as much as his touch did to you now.

Moving back up, his hand held your face, feeling the heat there that was threatening to boil you over now. 

“Your skin is flushed too,” he said, voice smooth and soft compared to the intensity of those blue eyes he had.

“You can stop there,” you managed to say, not exceptionally wanting him to go through the rest of the checklist.

A small smile escaped from him then, forehead leaning down to yours. You closed your eyes as he did, soaking in the feeling of him and the smell of him which somehow seemed more intoxicating than you remembered.

“So what if I have feelings for you,” he said eventually, so whisper quiet you could have dreamt it. “You have feelings for me too, Y/N.”

You could have said this wasn’t real, that this was Bucky just being addicted to a comfort he was deprived of. But someone like Bucky wouldn’t admit to feelings unless they were real.

You could have said you were just reacting to someone being this close or happy with how much he was opening to you, and accidently maybe took things too far. But that also wasn’t true.

All you could do was nod your head up in agreement, your lips brushing delicately against his as you did so. You heard almost a sighing growl as you did, and before you could decide if it was coming for you or him, his lips connect with yours.

In that dark woods you were sure the spark that erupted inside you at his kiss could have been seen for miles. It was like a slow burning fire, bright and intense and eternally warm. The pressure and feel of him against you, his lips moving and sealing against yours heating your soul enough for this lifetime and the next. It was a bliss and comfort you had not yet known in another person and it made you see stars that his connection to you conjured up.

“I’m spotting movement, north west of my position.” The voice over your comm came, breaking the two of you part if only your lips. “Y/N, is that you?”

“No,” you said, sounding as breathless as you felt and hoped Clint would chalk it up to trying to be quiet. Your eyes remained on Bucky though, seeing the same burning fire and pleasant heat in his blue eyes that you felt. “But I’ll check it out.”

Wordlessly you broke away, the cold air seeping across your body where Bucky had just been. But the cold couldn’t penetrate into your soul. That remained a cozy, toasty wash of heat. Taking several steps back, you kept your eyes on him until it was time to go. He gave you a nod by way of goodbye, unable to keep the lightest of smiles on his lips. You reciprocated it quickly before you were off.

You vanished into the dark in a shadowy blur, the change from human to wolf happening in less than it took to take a step. A moment after, you were running.

The pines and trunks of tree whooshed passed you, your paws hitting ground for only the briefest of touches before bounding for the next step. You wove and maneuvered through the forest as though you had made this trek a thousand times, your senses focused and guiding you to where you needed to go.

But a gun shot in the dark, far away from where Bucky was or where Clint should be stopped you mid-sprint. Claws dug into the ground, trying desperately to slow yourself down, until slamming side first into a tree did the job, bruising ribs and jostling your head as pine needles fell down around you.

Ignoring the shots of pain and careening to your right, you took off again, paws stumbling to get traction for several paces until you were back up to speed.

Voices rang out in the comms, all teams checking it. They came concerned, questioning, all converging on the various shots they heard around their respective positions.

You heard it first. It was a snap and then scream that turned to a thunderous roar.

You could feel it in the ground, feel the vibrations in the air. Bruce was gone, and the Hulk had come out. In the distance that roar sounded again, furious and unhinged.

“Pull back!” Steve said in the comm. “No one move towards the gunfire!”

But it was too late.

You didn’t have time to slow down before you heard that snap again, this time at your own feet.

It was like a crack of metallic lightning, and you felt the exploding of your eardrums before you felt the exploding of anguish. The sudden assault stopped you dead again, sending your body rolling and tumbling out of control through the woods then down a short hill.

You slid to a stop on your side, unable to speak or move or scream. Wrapped from your stomach up to your back was a metal set of jaws, like a lethal bear trap with jagged, biting teeth as wide as you palm and as sharp as you teeth. The death trap practically encircled around your whole body.

The pain doubled, then doubled again, poisoned tips of the metal releasing into your bloodstream. That was when you shrieked louder and more torment-laced than you had ever heard. Unable with this trap around you to change back into your human form, the shriek came out as a howl, reverberating through the air loud, unbridled, and broken beyond what you thought you could stand.

The pieces stabbing into you made you howl til you felt you felt you could no longer survive it, the poison made you convulse until you thought every venom-burned piece of you would melt away, the anguish of it was beyond your capacity to understand or function.

But then you felt steps moving closer to you. You heard voices. And why set a trap if you weren’t going to come back for your prey?

Your eyes glowed bright, edged on by the pain and fighting instinct. Your jaw snapped and growled mingled into your whimpers and howls, a pitiful warning at best.

You heard voices you thought you knew, but you couldn’t make them out enough above your own pain. It overtook everything. You thought you saw through the blinding haze of torment a hand reach towards you in the darkness, a slow and soft thing, trying to reach out to you and connect. Maybe to help and comfort, or maybe to hurt you all the more.

Instantly a feral part of you lashed out in ferocity, trying with mad snaps of your brutally strong jaw and sharpened fangs to cut off the hand offering you the unknown. The basic, primal part of you needed to keep hands and touches away from you, terrified and railing against any more danger.

There would be no comfort from someone else, even through your pain you wouldn’t allow it.

But at some point sharp stabs took your breath away yet again before you felt a telltale sign of release. Someway and somehow once you were released, you were like a bat out of hell, running under some hell-driven necessity to try and out run this all-encompassing anguish.

It clung to you as you went. The faster your tormented steps went, the even worse it became. Eventually you were breathless, whimpering and howling all over again, collapsing onto the ground in a blacken, blood-matted mess on the ground.

Digging claws into the ground you tried to move forward, tried to get more distance between you and pain, but you just couldn’t. You whimpered and begged for the pain to end, but it didn’t. Relief didn’t come until the pain overwhelmed every single ounce of your body and soul, and unconsciousness overtook you.

_______

That primal part of you, that frantic and brutal part of your mind that refused to let in any possibility of danger, clung to you like a vice. It gripped you as fast and unrelenting as the pain that would not leave your body.

“Y/N, please,” Tony pleaded, coming up from behind Bruce, one of several in audience on the other side of the glass from you. “Let us help you.”

But you could still feel it. Even curled up on the floor in a small med bay room, you couldn’t escape it.

The feel of metal locking you in, poisoning your body and mind, stabbing so deep into you that it felt like it split you apart. It left you open and exposed and vulnerable, the jaws of the trap sinking down into intimate places that should never have been touched.

You had the feeling of waking up on the quinjet, restrained and furious and unable to fight it. You were locked down and unable to move or run. You were powerless to know what was happening, too out of your mind to put anything together. All you felt was pain and voices and hands touching you, digging into the intimate places all over again.

You felt it when they tried to get you to shift back to human form at the med bay, hands and metal holding you down while you struggled. You felt pressure on your open, bleeding body, hurting you all over again in attempts to heal you. But you didn’t know healing or rational thought, the poison and your instincts taking over and blaring a red alarm of warning and danger and the need to get away.

You felt trapped. You felt locked in. You felt any touch, any subtle brush of feel against your skin would snap and instead you would feel the cutting, stabbing pain all over again.

Your breath came short and hard and shallow, trying desperately to get in enough oxygen to push out the pain, but it never did. You heart still raced, your blood still boiled under your skin, sweat dripping down it. Your claws, fully extended in your human form, matched your sharp teeth, with golden eyes swirled with blood red now.

Those eyes saw through the glass, protecting the others from you and you from escaping. You saw the massive needle with unknown liquid in Bruce’s hand, the braces and shackles in Steve’s hand, Tony suited up in his Iron Man suit. The pleading in their eyes you didn’t see. The pain in their eyes you couldn’t acknowledge.

You used to notice it before. You used to hold their hand when they looked like that. You used to comfort them.

When the door open your body shook with the simultaneous need to break free from this room and them, and recoiling back at the presence of someone approaching.

It was Bucky, hands up, feigning calm and submission, edging closer. He squatted down a few feet from the door while you growled and strained, claws shrieking out a high pitched sound as they scratched along the tile.

“You’re in pain, Y/N,” he whispered to you. “Let me help you… Please.”

There was second of giving in. A second where you would have agreed. But the pain inside you reared its head again, sending out shooting pains that spanned your whole body. Your eyes went red and deadly, snarling at the man.

“No,” you snarled, this time finding your voice, low and venomous, before the pain threatening to pull you into unconsciousness again. “I’m the family pet… and you should... you should just put me down like one.”

You felt the tears falling and the shaking sprouting out from somewhere deep, taking over you. You breathed faster as snarls turned to sobs, feeling him move closer. The darkness creeping on the edge of your vision kept you from moving or fighting him back.

You could feel him beside you, body so close he was almost pressed up against you. But before unconsciousness took you, all he did was place one hand over yours, and the other on your knee.

When you woke, it was more of the same torment.

And again, after that.

Soon you were functioning, but only just. The pain wouldn’t release you, not fully and perhaps not ever. You cringed when people came close. You yelled and snapped at them, you screamed for death sometimes and space from all of them other times.

The whole team was at a loss without you really, giving you the space you snarled and demanded out of pain.

Tony had more panic attacks. Bruce had a harder time reigning in the Hulk. Steve smiled less and frowned more. Natasha threw herself into more missions. Thor plastered on a fake smile and talked as though everything was fine. Sam was more withdrawn.

But Bucky stayed with you.

Once you were on the bathroom floor, claws scratching the side of the bathtub and teeth sunk into your lip to keep from screaming in pain. Bucky found you though, arms wrapping around you as you were hunched and crumpled. You fought him for a moment, struggling and twisting with your tears splashing over the bathroom floor and walls at the effort. But soon enough you gave into him and his gentle touch. In that moment he held you together while you broke apart.

Sometimes he couldn’t though. Sometimes you pushed him away, yelling at him and shutting him out, pain lashing bitingly and bitterly against every cell in you.

But you always left your door open. And he always came back.

To place a hand on yours. To whisper something soft and gentle in your ear. To gather you up off the ground and hold you close. To ease your trauma bit by bit in hopes it would eventually dissipate, just as you had once eased his.

_______

A/N: So if that ended too angsty for you, just reread the “Then keep spoiling me” part up until they kiss then just stop there lol. Hope you enjoyed! Please let me know??

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[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt.3

Seyoon was unpacking all the late night snacks he had gotten onto a blanket at a secluded rooftop. Hearing footsteps he looked up to see Guerin, who looked different than usual. She didn't appear to be wearing any makeup, had her normal stud earrings but had a cute black mask with a white sharp toothy grin. She was dressed in joggers and a sweatshirt with the hood up. He cocked his head at her as she approached.

"I know, I look like shit. But it was late and I'd already gotten ready for bed. You can't expect me to spruce up after that." Guerin guessed at his expression.

"You look fine. Cozy. It's just different. Also you're late." He shrugged and patted the blanket next to him, sitting as he leaned against the wall behind him.

"I got lost..." she grumbled, "I've never been great with directions." She sat down in the spot he indicated, looking over the spread he had brought, "Good grief I thought you just wanted tteokbokki."

Seyoon smiled automatically, "You said you hadn't eaten, and I know how much you like food so I thought I should get some options." Guerin leaned her head in his direction and offered a wry smile under her mask, unable to argue with his logic. "Besides, I got this for us too." He pulled out an additional bag, from which he drew two paper cups, a bottle of soju and two cans of beer.

Guerin raised her eyebrows and sat up straight, "Oh we're drinking too?"

"We have to. It goes well with tteokbokki, fried chicken and jajangmyeon." He shrugged nonchalantly as he began opening everything up and handing Guerin some chopsticks. "Although it's blueberry soju. I thought you might like that."

"How did you figure that?" She asked, sneaking a piece of tteokbokki and pulling her mask to her chin to eat it.

"Well you said before you liked Grapefruit and Plum but I couldnt find it, so I thought blueberry was the next best option." Seyoon shrugged, separating the cups and pouring soju into them, handing one to Guerin and offering his as cheers.

She laughed in response and took her shot, "Honestly I dont know how that train of thought lines up but you aren't wrong." She watched as Seyoon refilled the cups and couldn't keep the grin from her face, "You really went all out for this, it's awesome. Thank you."

He shrugged again, looking up at her and their eyes met briefly before both looked away to select food options, "Food makes things better." He said simply.

"Cheers to that." They both took another shot and then ate in silence for a while.

"So... how are you?" Seyoon asked awkwardly, unsure of how to broach the subject.

"I'm fine, all things considered." Guerin said almost mechanically, "I keep telling people that."

"Okay... but how are you really?" Seyoon asked again, leaning back to look at Guerin. She sighed and set her chopsticks down and didn't speak for a moment.

"Well. What do you know happened?" She asked finally.

"I know you were attacked by that crazy lady. I know you were arrested but you were cleared because of video evidence. I know that she is being charged by the company. But I also know you haven't been with HEET lately." He trailed off.

Guerin reached over for one of the beers. Seyoon cracked it open and put it in her hand, grabbing his as well while she took a sip, leaned back against the wall and looked up at the sky.

"Yeah. We were worried something might happen again. So part of our plan included recording any more altercations that might occur. Self defense laws are tricky and it's usually one person's word against another. Plus as a foreigner, and a big one, we knew some witnesses might not provide unbiased information." She paused and took another sip, "The boys were so brave, they did exactly as they were supposed to. That woman had some gross stuff in that present too. Police said it was unwashed underwear, a vial of blood, another of spit..." she scrunched her nose, "stuff like that."

"Sounds like you guys have the law on your side." Seyoon said, waiting for more information.

Another sip and pause before she spoke, "Yeah, we do. We're able to press charges. The company is suing her. She might see jail time. They even made me go to the hospital to make sure they had a medical report for the court."

"Wait medical report?" Seyoon looked over at her, surprised, "What happened?" Now that she had pulled down her mask and he was looking closely he saw the cut and slight bruising at the corner of her mouth as she smiled dryly and tapped her cheek.

"I let her hit me. I figured if she looked unharmed and I was injured it would go better for us too."

"You're crazy." He sounded almost admiring as he leaned in closer, "Let me see that, does it hurt?"

"It's fine, I've been hit in the face many times, and she's probably the smallest adult that's ever taken a swing at me. It doesnt hurt at all. OW WHY?" She flinched and cried out as he poked the bruising.

His eyes widened and he let out a snort of laughter, "Doesn't hurt at all?"

"You little shit." She laughed and smacked his hand away from her face, "Of course it'll hurt if you press a bruise."

He giggled again, "Sorry. It does look like it hurts a lot. You should maybe stop letting people hit you in the face."

She laughed, "Well it hasn't always been a choice, this one was though."

"So... there's more right?" He asked after their laughter had subsided.

Guerin avoided his eyes by taking a longer drink from her beer, "Yeah. There's been some blowback. Some false stories have gotten out and theres some people that claim I'm making a bad name for HEET or that I was the one who started it, that I instigated a fight or was being rude to a fan. There's quite a lot that demanded I be removed as manager, actually."

"So they caved?" Seyoon asked disbelievingly.

"Well. Kind of?" Guerin sighed, "I've been temporarily removed. Right now with the case going and the false information it's actually less safe for HEET to be around me in case someone tries to target me. So until things are officially able to be released..." she stopped talking abruptly blinking rapidly, trying to hide it with another long gulp of beer. "It's not like I've been fired. I'm grateful for that. Another company would probably have written me off as more trouble than I'm worth. They have me doing other work right now but... I liked my job. I loved my boys, and looking after them." She couldnt hide the tears running down her face now, and didn't bother to try.

Seyoon floundered, watching her face then looking around before seeing napkins and hurriedly handing them to her. She smiled and thanked him, dabbing her cheeks half heartedly before giving up and chugging the rest of her beer through her tears. With an unconvincing smile she looked at Seyoon, "So that's what I mean when I say all things considered. I'm fine."

He didn't saying anything right away, pulling his long shirt sleeve over his hand, he leaned over and dabbed at her face to dry it. She started to pull away, shocked, but he reached out with his other hand and held her in place. "Hold still." She didn't fight back, he was so close and so handsome she couldn't help but feel somewhat transfixed, despite her stomache dropping and heart pounding, all she could do was freeze until he let her go. He picked up his chopsticks, selected a large piece of fried chicken and put it to her mouth, which she accepted without complaint.

"It's okay to be sad when bad things happen. You don't have to lie to everyone." He paused and added quietly as though he wasn't sure he should be saying it, "You don't have to lie to me."

Guerin choked, "Oh my god." She swallowed as soon as she could and laughed, "Are you using lines on me to seem cool? Is this a drama?" She laughed again.

"Yah." He protested, "I was just trying to be supportive."

Guerin laughed again then fed him some tteokbokki, "You're as adorable as a cicada." She said and pinched his cheek.

"I am so much more handsome than some bug." He protested around the food in his mouth.

"Of course you are." She put a shot of soju in his hand, cheersed and downed hers. He followed shortly.

"Thanks though." She glanced at him, "It means a lot."

He playfully shoved her and stole her chopsticks, which started a whole new bickering fit.

Charlie had been working up the nerve all morning to talk to her boss. It was a privilege to be allowed to be so hands on with animals and she didn't want her boss to think she was taking advantage... but it was such a cool opportunity. She had to at least try.

"Byun Minsoo-ssi." She lead off tentatively. The lead vet looked up from her paperwork. Perhaps she looked stern simply from Charlie's point of view but it was just as believable that she was no-nonsense in everyday life as well.

"Yes? Charlie-ssi?"

"I have a friend who is a manager for an idol group, she is friends with a group called A.C.E and I wondered if they could come behind the scenes to meet some of our animals?" Charlie ventured cautiously.

Minsoo paused for a moment before speaking "A.C.E? Your friend knows A.C.E? And they want to come here?" Her attempt to play it cool was poorly hidden and gave Charlie confidence.

"Yes! I'd like to invite my friend Guerin and A.C.E to come and see what we have. I think it would be an excellent opportunity to promote the zoo and educate on the importance of conservation!"

The normally serious Minsoo beamed at Charlie, "That's an excellent idea. Let's get in contact and organize something."

Charlie did a mental fist pump and hustled off to message her friends.

Deciding to keep the visit informal allowed the planning process to go more quickly. Approval from the higher ups and organizing with Beat Interactive took a few days. Guerin has been allowed to come as a personal guest for Charlie and A.C.E who requested she tag along. Guerin, never passing up a chance to visit the zoo, happily accepted. Charlie hoped it could provide her friend with a genuine mood boost. Guerin tended to internalize her negative emotions but Charlie could tell she wasn't her usual self.

"We'll do formal filming in the behind the scenes areas, but then we'll allow you to do your own self cam work throughout the areas of the zoo the public has regular access to." Minseok explained as A.C.E got last second touch ups.

"What animals are we seeing today?" Asked Chan excitedly. They were in the vet and quarantine areas so it was unpredictable what had been planned for them.

"It's a surprise." Charlie said, the most excited A.C.E had ever seen her.

Byun Minsoo would be taking the lead in speaking for the cameras but suggested Charlie stay by to help handle animals and manage the guests. Minsoo might be strict but she was fair, knowing Charlie wanted to do this with her friends she wasn't going to exclude her.

Guerin was hanging back with Minseok as preparations were made. "Noona do you know what we're gonna see?" Chan tried to wheedle from her, pouting slightly. Guerin stared pointedly away from him.

"Don't pull that cute stuff on me, I can't tell you." Of course she knew what animals Charlie was working with, she couldn't let some aegyo spoil the surprise. Chan pouted more and shook his shoulders in a small tantrum.

"Alright that's enough." Minseok stepped in before Guerin could cave, he redirected A.C.E to the main area so they could begin filming. The recording started with a tour of the facilities, showing equipment and how to accommodate all the different animals they had based on type and size. They explained the importance of training animals to participate in their own veterinary care voluntarily then showed them a video example of a mountain lion presenting for a blood draw, and a gorilla opening it's mouth for its teeth to be examined, or a macaque presenting its arm for an insulin injection. Minsoo continued to talk about the research and breeding that the zoo participated and how it was vital for conservation efforts and how it benefitted animals in the wild.

The boys were perfect guests, asking questions and reacting well. They saw a few animals in the quarantine area, new to the zoo and waiting to be introduced to their new homes. The last area they were taken to was for longer term housing for animals that couldnt be in the usual enclosures. A spot had been sectioned, layered with blankets, plushies and other toys. The boys, perplexed, were instructed to go in and sit down with Minsoo while Charlie disappeared momentarily. She returned with an inauspicious crate, facing it away from A.C.E she opened the door and sat with Minsoo, both grinning for the surprise.

Two young tiger cubs tottered they way out, mowing. The trepidation left A.C.E as they all exclaimed in amazement and adoration. Minsoo and Charlie showed A.C.E how to bottle feed them, then let them take turns.

"Their mother was a first time mom, and she wouldnt take care of them." Minsoo explained as the boys cooed sadly, "It's not unusual for that to happen with new mothers even in the wild. But since we are here we made the choice to step in and help raise them." Once the babies were fed they were left to roam and play. One clambered into Jun's lap and fell asleep, the other playing with a toy with Donghun and Byeongkwan. Jun couldn't control his face, his amazement and joy at being chosen as he got everyone's attention and pointed to the sleeping kitten. Seyoon and Chan scooted near him to pet the sleeping animal. Charlie couldn't stop herself from grinning, Guerin knew at least part of it was Jun's reaction and not just the cute tiger cubs.

Once it was time to say goodbye to the kittens, A.C.E did their formal goodbye with them and the filming for behind the scenes ended. The rest of the staff and guests got an opportunity to greet the tigers as well and once Guerin had her turn she flagged down Charlie as the babies were taken back to their enclosure. After a brief talk with Minsoo who let out a restrained laugh and nod, Charlie and Guerin went to a series of smaller tanks on the opposite side of the room, Guerin returning with her hands closed suspiciously.

"We have one more animal for you to meet." Charlie said with a chuckle. Donghun was the only one with the good sense to he suspicious.

"This is one of my favorite animals." Guerin said with a grin, uncovering her hand and showing a large male Madagascar Hissing Cockroach sitting placidly in her hand. All five boys instinctively recoiled, Chan and Jun exclaiming in surprise. A.C.E's reaction elicited chuckles from most of the staff if they werent busy being disgusted themselves.

"It's okay guys. They're harmless!" Guerin said holding it up. Donghun and Jun recovered the fastest, still looking apprehensive and surprised respectively. Chan was behind Jun, leaning around him curiously but still looking fearful. Beyongkwan, eyes wide, didnt move forward so quickly and Seyoon was the furthest away had a very subtle terror that could only be read in his eyes.

"They're really cool, they're called hissing cockroaches cause they hiss!" She gave the cockroach a light pet down it's back which caused it to take two steps forward and hiss quietly as it protested the contact. The boys jumped again. "So insects dont have lungs, they breath through small holes along their body called spiracles. These guys have evolved to force air out of those holes to make a hissing sound that they use to communicate to each other or even predators! Their mouths are too small to bite us so they're harmless!" She was so enthusiastic in the explanation it couldnt help but draw the boys curiosity. She explained how to tell males from females and how most cockroaches are pests at all and how vital they are to the environment. Eventually Donghun worked up the courage first to touch it when offered. Jun became somewhat enamored and greeted the insect before he touched it, but jumped when it hissed before laughing at his own reaction. Chan actually opted to hold it and Byeongkwan even moved forward but Seyoon stayed in the back.

"Come on Hyung!" Chan called to him, looking more closely at the cockroach.

"I'm just looking at stuff over here you guys go on without me." Seyoon said, pretending to examine equipment near him.

"It is kind of cute." Jun admitted, petting it again, still jumping slightly when it hissed.

"On a scale of Seyoon to a Cicada how cute is it?" Donghun joked causing Jun, Chan, Byeongkwan, Guerin and Charlie to laugh.

[panticwritten]

Writing request! Carl and Sawyer (some version of you, I’m not sure where Carl usually fits in) have stumbled into the same dungeons and dragons forum and become closer through battling together (not 100% sure of Carl’s personality, be him not the type for this or totally the type). This can be a silly throw away or warmup up one since it is me.

Okay, so Cherry sent me this like forever ago. I wrote it, they read it because they live with me, but I forgot to actually post it! The name change to Kane is going smoothly, and I’m ready to never think about that asshole as Karl again lmaooooo

So, yeah, Kane and I play some DnD and he’s not subtle about anything ever at all. 

I’ll have to wait until after I post this to change the colors of the different people in the text chats because lord knows I look at those strings of chat-text and have a time sifting through it. Homestuck has spoiled me.

Word count: 2270

@asinwolves @avi-burton-writing @infinitelyblankpage @no-url-ideas-tho @jade-island-lives @ravenpuffwriter @spirit-wizard-nerd @steakfryday @alextriestowritestuff @cataclystr0phe  @perringwrites @davidvalencia323 @fluffpiggy @dont-trust-the-clogs @authorkimberlygrey @aclassilighthouse @cherrytying

I don’t think Kane knows I know.

If the smattering of ‘kid’ in our correspondences hadn’t tipped me off, it would definitely have been the way he made his character. I doubt anyone else would get the joke or see what he’s doing, but seriously? His character isn’t anything like him, of course.

If he were to be himself, he’d be a tiefling fighter. Either scout (ha) or cavalier archetype. He’d be a faction agent. Making a call between the chaotic alignments might be a shaky one sometimes. His attributes terribly skewed toward charisma and dexterity.

But he’s chosen a true neutral urchin. A mastermind rogue. An eladrin. The attributes are fairly balanced, save for dexterity always hovering above the others and strength a little lacking. Nothing like Kane. Not at all.

No, that’s the point.

He made a character that is exactly what I end up presenting myself as in the damn Cube. How I always play in console RPGs. Behavior just not erratic enough to be chaotic. Snarky and angry, never overtly because of the need to cover every goddamn emotion up. Inconsistent.

I’m not sure when I realized it was him. I thought it might be a member of the Collective when I first got the invitation from an unknown player. With Haz, j355, Hal, and Jax as mods of the server and tag-teaming as DMs, I slowly caught on to Kane’s game.

He’s making fun of me. He must have been playing with this character for some time, with their high level, and I wonder how long he’s been planning this.

It took me a little bit to even realize most of the similarities between myself and the character. My own character, a homebrew ice genesai, a brawler, bonded fairly quickly with them because they’re both urchins and saved each others’ asses when their time in the city overlapped.

He uses my lines, though. The whole ‘I’ll be fine’ shtick and his character has mentioned being a poet several times. After that, it took a few more days of play to start realizing it was him. That it was Kane playing such a long game.

The first time it occured to me, it was a bad call on what the endolin would do. We were looking for the deed to a seemingly abandoned manor. We hadn’t run into anything but low-level scavenging animals. In short, any good player would be a little on-edge and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Halexander (MOD): Alright. The second you both clear the door, it slams shut behind you.Match (SeeSaw): Crap.Videre (ANON): whats in the room?Halexander (MOD): It’s a pretty nondescript room. Pretty small, almost looks like a study with three desks lining one wall and a bookshelf on another. There’s a couch shoved into a corner, looks like it was slept in recently.Match (SeeSaw): Can we roll investigation real quick?Halexander (MOD): Go for it, dude.Match (SeeSaw): 5Halexander (MOD): You notice that, unlike the rest of the place, there’s no dust. The whole room is swept clean of it. That’s it. The epitome of observation.Match (SeeSaw): Okay. Videre?Videre (ANON): nah im goodHalexander (MOD): You sure? Just gonna barge in there?Videre (ANON): the doors locked right what else can we do?Match (SeeSaw): Whatever. I’ll get a closer look at the couch.Videre (ANON): imma look at the closest desk while the kid does thatMatch (SeeSaw): Fuck youHalexander (MOD): I’ll put some form of that exchange as being in character.Match (SeeSaw): GoodMatch (SeeSaw): Now, the couchHalexander (MOD): To clarify, you’re both investigating different areas of the room?Match (SeeSaw): YesVidere (ANON): yeahHalexander (MOD): Excellent.

I was so used to the DMs at least pretending to need time to formulate responses that Hal’s immediate block of text took me by surprise.

Halexander (MOD): The two of you cross the room in different directions, as if by silent agreement. Match is slower, being more hesitant, so Videre gets to the desks first. Before you can do more than peer at the desk, however, there is a cry behind you. The bedding on the couch lashed out and has taken Match captive. Match, a blanket has one wrist and a facemask has bound itself over your eyes due to your proximity when the animation first occurred. Roll Initiative.Match (SeeSaw): Whaaaaat. Not cool. Okay, 16.Halexander (MOD): Enchanted Bedding got 12.Halexander (MOD): Videre?Videre (ANON): am i far enough away that i can stay out of order and keep looking through the drawers?

Uh.

Match (SeeSaw): What the fuck. I’m being attacked here, your rapier would take care of this in like two seconds.Videre (ANON): you dont know that. i have a feeling the deeds in here just give me a minuteHalexander (MOD): You can stay out of the fight if you want, but you still need to roll so we can keep this orderly.Videre (ANON): fineVidere (ANON): 8Halexander (MOD): Thanks for cooperating.Match (SeeSaw): Okay, first off, Match is never going to trust you again.Videre (ANON): he doesnt even know im helping yet. he cant see rememberMatch (SeeSaw): WHATEVERMatch (SeeSaw): Is the blanket pulling on me or just holding me there?Halexander (MOD): It’s tugging something fierce. The rest of the pile of blankets and pillows are writhing as if alive.Match (SeeSaw): I guess I’ll attack the blanket with that dinky little knife.Match (SeeSaw): “you should empty your bag in case you find good loot” THANKS VIDERE NOW I DONT HAVE MY GOOD WEAPONSVidere (ANON): hey you should know better than to listen to me by now kidMatch (SeeSaw): When we finish this, I will find you and kill you.Halexander (MOD): Also canon, in-character dialogue.Match (SeeSaw): YEET, crit. 5 damageMatch (SeeSaw): Don’t think you’re off the hook here, HalHalexander (MOD): I resent that.Halexander (MOD): And that’s including your proficiency?Match (SeeSaw): 6 damage.Halexander (MOD): That’s what I thought.Halexander (MOD): You slash blindly at the blanket. You manage to cut the corner holding you clean off. You’re still blinded, but you’re free to move.Match (SeeSaw): OKAY YEAH I BACK THE FUCK UP AND ASK VIDERE WHAT THE FUCK THEYRE DOINGHalexander (MOD): You stumble back into the door.Match (SeeSaw): Hold up just a fucking second

I scrolled up to reread the chat.

Match (SeeSaw): Can I try opening the door?Halexander (MOD): Unfortunately, you’ve exhausted your turn. The mass of blankets shoots out another piece but cannot quite reach you in its haste. Obviously, you don’t actually see this because: The blindfold begins to tighten around your eyes. That’s it for that, what’s next on the agenda?Videre (ANON): how many of these drawers could i search in one turn?Halexander (MOD): Two.Videre (ANON): how many drawers in each desk?Halexander (MOD):Three.Videre (ANON): ill search two drawers in the first deskHalexander (MOD): Alrighty then. The first drawer is full of vials and tubes. Most of them stand empty, but there is a vial each of blue, red, and orange liquid. The second contains a weathered journal.Videre (ANON): ill snag those three vials and pocket the journalHalexander (MOD):Of course you will.Match (SeeSaw): Can I open the door now.Halexander (MOD): Since Sherlock Holmes over here can’t do much else, I’ll bite. The door, amazingly, shockingly, opens once you manage to find it with the blindfold currently limiting your sight and putting increasing pressure on your skull.Match (SeeSaw): Okay, we’re dumb.Match (SeeSaw): Videre, the door’s open, let’s get the hell out of here!Videre (ANON): im not doneMatch (SeeSaw): Are you serious right now.Halexander (MOD): Better make the rest of your turn good.Match (SeeSaw): K. I cut the string on the blindfold and join that IDIOT at the desksHalexander (MOD): I’m honestly just gonna take that as a free action.Match (SeeSaw): Sweet. Can I search a drawer?Halexander (MOD): You definitely can.Match (SeeSaw): I’ll start on the middle desk, I guess.Match (SeeSaw): I’ll deal with YOU later, VidereVidere (ANON): looking forward to itHalexander (MOD): The drawer holds a dusty lab coat. That’s it.Match (SeeSaw):Why the fuck not, I’ll take it.Halexander (MOD): You done?Halexander (MOD): Just kidding, I know you are. The blanket wraps around your ankle to pull your feet out from under you. Roll for acrobatics to see if you eat shit.Match (SeeSaw): Jesus fuck.Match (SeeSaw): 10Halexander (MOD): You slam your face into the desk on the way down. Take 1d4 damage for that, and your nose is bleeding.Match (SeeSaw): Why are you doing this to me.Halexander (MOD): You chose to let me design this campaign. What did you think would happen?Match (SeeSaw):2Halexander (MOD): While you’re down, another blanket catches you by the wrist. Again. Go, Videre.Videre (ANON): two more drawersHalexander (MOD): The first is full of pieces of metal. Mostly junk, nuts and bolts. The second is empty, so I’ll knock the action down and let you open another one.Match (SeeSaw): IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HANDS AFTER THIS YOU WILL HELP ME RIGHT NOWVidere (ANON): yeah ill open another drawer. that leaves three left right

They searched every single drawer before helping me, by which time I was almost dead and being smothered by a pillow. They found the deed and I chewed them out on the way back to town. They said they knew I would be fine, they needed to find the deed, and there was no harm done.

Having already seen the parallels this anonymous player was making between their character and myself, I bristled at my computer.

Match (SeeSaw): Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You won’t stay anonymous forever.Videre (ANON): oh im so scaredVidere (ANON): are you gonna come kick the shit out of me over a dumb game? give it up and find something else to obsess over if youre gonna be like that kidVidere (ANON): im just staying in character

And I had a good idea who was on the other side of the computer after that. Especially after I found out he’d done a covert investigation check with Hal instead of sharing with me. He knew there was an enemy in the room before we even entered. Was likely planning on using me as a distraction from the beginning.

The next time he surprised me, we were working for the owner of an orphanage to find ways to exploit parents interested in adoption. Match goes along with it because why not. Also because fuck adults.

But Videre surprised both me and Jax.

Jaxabandit (MOD): u want to what?Videre (ANON): buy the orphanageMatch (SeeSaw): We won’t get paid if you do that.Videre (ANON): im gonna assume that was in character and not in this whole ‘ooc’ space or whateverMatch (SeeSaw): Duh. The guy’s slimy and gross. But just because you have money doesn’t mean Match does. He needs the paycheck.Videre (ANON): think of it this wayVidere (ANON): if dicks like this werent in power match wouldnt have grown up on the streetsMatch (SeeSaw): That’s not how he thinks about shit and you know it.Videre (ANON): and hes not the one holding a huge sack of gold right now

I didn’t know what to think. By this point, I knew it was Kane. The fact that I asked Haz helps, but I know the way he talks to me. He’s the only one that would do this and keep up with it for so long.

So now, I’m not exactly sure what to do.

Match just died, like D-E-D, dead, and Videre is flipping the fuck out. The two of them had become fairly close friends. They were snarky and prickly toward each other, but they were partners in crime and would likely kill for each other.

Videre gets really scary in the final stretch of that fight.

I didn’t realize Kane thought so highly of my intimidation skills. I didn’t think he thought highly of me at all, not outside of work. I was just a tool and a weapon and something to either give orders to or take orders from.

But Videre is a force of nature toward the end. Being a mastermind rogue, they confuse the ice devil as well as fighting it. They show a lot of skill they didn’t before, turning a few unlucky rolls into happy mistakes. Even they seem surprised when they win.

Videre (ANON): wellVidere (ANON): i guess i know what its like to be you nowThe Old Hazzle Dazzle (MOD): Are you done now, Kane?Videre (ANON): wow cats out of the bagMatch (SeeSaw): You’re awful at hiding who you are, though.Match (SeeSaw): Also, you’re an assholeThe Old Hazzle Dazzle (MOD): Did you want to make a new character and keep going? Or call it quits for now?Match (SeeSaw): I think I’m done. I gotta go challenge Kane to a fist fight.Videre (ANON):gotta find me first

- Videre (ANON): has left the chat -

He’ll have to try a hell of a lot harder than that to get out of actually hanging out with me like a person.

[crzcorgi]

A Sign of Thanks

Second Part to Little Lost Soul

2000 words

Warnings ~ Negan language, bit of angst (reader is selectively mute), no smut in this part

Tags are at the end. Want on or off my taglist? Just drop me a note!

  After Fat Joseph took y/n down to the kitchen for some fruit, I decided I fucking needed to have a talk with Simon.

 Picking up my radio, “Simon, get your ass to my quarters now.”

 A few seconds later, “okay, boss. Anything I need to know right now?”

 I sighed, “yes, if your ass isn't here in less than 5 minutes you'll be enjoying the rest of your fucking short life at the southern outpost.Got it?”

 “Got it, be right there.”

I had to get to the bottom of what was happening with y/n. Which fuckwad had put her on custodial duty in the fucking basement? Where was she sleeping? Where should we move her for her safety? And most importantly, who were the fuckity fucking monsters that were harassing her, and how should we punish them?

 Soon, I heard a knock, just under 4 minutes, good fucking job, Simon.

 Opening the door, I stepped back, letting Simon enter the room. He stepped towards my desk, looking at me for fucking permission to sit.

 “Sit.” I went around and sat in my chair, leaning back a bit.

 “So, why the urgency, Negan?”

 “Y/N, I need some fucking info on who are the shitheads that assigned her the shittiest job available in the Sanctuary?”

 “Well, that would be…” Simon cleared his throat “Either myself, Dwight or Franklin.”

 “So, who the fuck was it? Was your little 'mmmhhmmm’ your way of saying you are said shithead?”

 He looked over the desk at me, his hands fidgeting. “Uh, no, not me. I'm pretty sure it was Franklin. But sir, I don't think anyone knew at that point that the girl was mute. She seemed capable enough.”

I closed my eyes, trying to fucking keep my cool. “Capable enough? What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

 I could see Simon shifting in his seat, nervous. Good. “Well, I guess, cause she didn't argue when we gave them their assignments. Most people put up a bit of a fuss. When she didn't we figured all was fucking a'ok with 'er.”

“So that made her 'capable’” Dear fuck, I used those fucking air quotes, but I was fucking done with incompetence.

 “Okay, just chalk this up to another fucking job I have to take over. Next, find her a room, alone.”

 “We don't have many single rooms, 'cept maybe downstairs there could be one.”

 I squinted, “Downstairs? As in the fucking basement where Dwight and his merry team of fucktwats are? Yeah, you set that up right now, perfect fucking place for a tiny girl, who can't communicate, who's scared of her own fucking shadow. Just the fucking ticket, Simon! Get right on that shit.”

 I was fucking fuming.

“Uh, yeah, well there is a room, locks and all. But uh…”

 “Fucking spit it out Simon!”

 “It's your private room”

 Fuckity fuck. I had a room made up for my wives and I to have our little fucking private fuckfests. I hated them in my main room. And fuck, whenever I tried screwing them in their bedrooms, invariably one of the others would come a knocking, looking for a little of their own Negan time.

 I let out a breath that I had been holding in. “Okay, clean it up. Make it look nice, not like it's a room for fucking. Make it her’s.”

Simon tipped his head at me. “You sure boss? I mean you were pretty adamant about having that separate room for your wives.”

“Did I stutter Simon? Yes, I'm fucking sure. And after you're done with that I have another thing we have to fucking handle. Get that room done this afternoon, including moving her things in. Let me know when that fuckers done. Got it?”

 “Got it, Negan.”

 I stood, waiting for Simon to stand. “Get on it.”

 He hesitated, turning to look at me with a questioning look.

 “Out with it Simon.”

 “I'm not trying to beat a dead horse, but why all this,” he gestured with his hands, “for this girl? We've had plenty of odd females make their way through the Sanctuary doors and you haven't given them a fucking glance. Why her?”

 “Cant say I even fucking know myself, man.But there is something there, something about her. But even without my fucking strange attraction, the way she was, is, being treated is fucking deplorable. And I need to get to the bottom of it. Okay?”

 “Okay, I'll get on fixing up her room.”

 As Simon walked out, closing the door, I walked over to my bed. Lying down, boots and all, I was too old for all of this shit. I must have fallen asleep because I was suddenly awakened by doll, standing by my bed, big eyes looking at me like she'd seen a fucking ghost. She turned and started to run out of the room.

 “Sweetheart, y/n, don't go, it's okay, I'm not mad!” Surprisingly, she stopped, turning hesitantly to look up at me, then glancing back down at her clasped hands.

 “Did Joseph let you in here to clean? I know he said you were pretty upset you couldn't fucking finish.”

 She looked back up at me, nodding her head yes. Fuck, she looked so scared. Jesus what exactly had happened to her?!

“I tell you what, I have to take a shower, why don't you finish up your cleaning and I'll be out of your way. But if you need anything at all, just knock on the door, okay?” I slowly moved towards her, wanting to lock the door behind her. As I neared her, she quickly wrapped her arms around herself and started whimpering, her eyes darting around looking for a quick escape.

 “Oh fuck, sweetheart, I'm not gonna touch you. I just wanted to lock the door so we won't have any unwanted fuckheads entering unannounced.” Mostly, I was concerned about my wives.

 She started shaking her head, quickly moving towards the door. Without thinking, I reached out, grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving. She swung around, her right fist connecting with my cheek.

 “Jesus, fuck! Shit, you've got a damn nice right hook there doll” I was rubbing the spot now. “You fucking hit better than most men!”

 I figured she'd run, but she actually stood there, glaring at me. “If looks could fucking kill, doll, I reckon I'd be fucking dead, huh?” I snickered, still running my fingers over my cheek, feeling it beginning to swell.

 “Well, I've got to go take my shower, maybe splash some fucking cold water on this. You just do your thing, and we'll keep the door unlocked, okay?” It hadn't fucking dawned on me that she might think I was locking her in, not locking someone out. “And doll, I'm fucking sorry I scared you, that wasn't my intention.”

 She looked at me, nodding once again. She seemed to have lost the death glare, but was far from relaxed. Smiling at her, I went to my bathroom, shutting the door.

When I was finished, I came into the room, surprised, and a touch disappointed to see y/n was nowhere to be seen. I was hoping to talk with her, see if I could get her to fucking trust me.

 Grabbing a clean tee out of my closet, I sat on the edge of my bed, thinking. Why is she so scared? What happened to her exactly? How could she survive in such a fucked up world? Why do I fucking care so much?

 I didn't even notice that she had somehow reappeared, right in front of me, making me jump.

 “Good fucking god doll, are some sort of fucking ninja?! You're going to give an old man a heart attack.”

 Did she just fucking giggle?!

 She came closer, extremely close, she sat next to me on the bed. I didn't dare move, even a fucking fraction of an inch. She looked up at my, holding her hand out with what looked like an ice pack.

 “For me, doll?”

 Nodding her head, she brought it up to my cheek, placing it gently there, holding it.

 Taking a chance, I turned my face just enough to take in her face. She seemed so into holding the pack on my face, I'm not sure she even noticed me staring. She had y/e/c eyes, so bright and beautiful. Her features were so fine, like a doll. Her y/h/c hair was long, but she wore it up, it was shiny, silky, my fingers itching to touch, run through it. Her lips, soft, so red without the benefit of lipstick.

 When I came back around to her eyes, I realized she was looking back at me, not with a frightened look, but I could have fucking swear she was smirking.

 “Caught me, sweetheart.”  Winking at her, she didn't look away, her gaze still meeting mine. “So, does my face look any better? You really nailed me darling!”

 Shifting her gaze to the ice pack, she pulled it off, investigating the bump. I couldn't help the involuntary flinch when her soft fingers touched my face. She pulled back, but I don't think from fear. She stood up, glancing around the room as if searching for me something.

 “Do you need something?” I asked.

 She walked over to my desk, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, tipping her head sideways.

 “Sure, be my guest.”

 She started writing something, then walking back over, handing it to me.

 I took it, realizing that I hadn't even thought of asking her if she communicated this way. Fucking stupid of me.

 Mr. Negan, I'm very sorry for the punch, it doesnt look as bad as I'm sure it probably feels. :(

 Thank you also, for letting me work upstairs. I didn't want to complain, but downstairs, well, it's just not a good…fit for me.

 You're very kind to me, and I so appreciate it. Most people, especially men, are not so kind.

 I'll leave you now, and again, sorry!

 Y/N Y/L/N

 She started towards the door, picking up some of her cleaning supplies. She turned to smile at me. She did something with her hand, her fingers.

 I stood up, walking to her. “Sign language? What was that sign, can you show me?”

 She grinned, taking my hand, placing my fingertips on my lips, then moving my hand down a bit, pointing towards her. Then she moved my hand to the side of my face, making my fingers fold down to my palm, kind of like a little child waving.

 “Oh, fuck! I get it, it's goodbye, right? But whats the finger kissing part?”

 Smiling, she mouthed, thank you.

“Well, I think I should be thanking you, doll. My room has never looked better! And thank you,” I tried signing at the same time, “for teaching those signs. Maybe you could teach me more.”

 She nodded, then turned to leave, as I opened the door, stepping aside to let her through, Simon appeared.

 “Rooms all set, Negan.” He looked at y/n, an awkward smile on his face.

 “Good timing. Thanks.”

 “Didn't you have something else to discuss with me?”

 “Not now, I'll call you when I'm ready. Just go along your merry fucking way.” He was grating on my fucking nerves.

 “Okay, I'll be around. Goodbye miss.” He nodded at y/n.

 Smiling at Simon, she looked back to me. I could swear her fucking smile grew.

 “So, I have got a little surprise for you, sweetheart, it's kinda a perk that comes with the new job.”

 She looked a bit confused, but still smiled. She followed me down the hallway to her new room.

 I noticed the door was open, thinking Simon just left it that way.

 As I stepped inside, about to signal her to enter, I realized one of the Saviors was still working on putting some new curtains up. He turned around, stepping down of the ladder.

 “Oh, sir, sorry, just finishing the curtains. Hope everything's okay?”

 Just as he began talking, I heard doll, make an almost squeaking sound. When I turned around, she was over halfway down the hall.

 Turning back to look at Tad, I saw a look of fucking shock on his face.

 And I knew why.

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[reaganwarren]

A/N: It’s Gay Simon Blackquill Week!!!! Enjoy Simon and Apollo going on that date. Continuation of http://reaganwarren.tumblr.com/post/156105797260/an-this-doesnt-have-a-tag-or-a-title-outside-of. 

Simon rooted through his whole closet the day of the date, but he couldn’t seem to find anything he felt would be most appropriate. But he couldn’t just dress as he usually did, could he? 

He really hadn’t been on a date before. He wasn’t really . . . he hadn’t been particularly popular or anything in college, and then he had been in prison for seven years. Not exactly a hot dating spot. 

As a result, he had called Athena. Who was now sitting on the edge of his bed while he changed from outfit to outfit. 

“So are you going to tell me exactly who it is you’re going on a date with? That might help me a little to help you pick something out, if you’re this nervous about impressing him.” 

Simon hesitated. Apollo was her coworker, so it might cause . . . strain at work for them, especially if things didn’t go well.... He really wanted them to go well, but in the off chance it did not . . . he didn’t want Athena to be angry with Apollo. And he definitely did not want to be responsible for things at work being stressful for either of them. 

No, he couldn’t tell her. 

“He’s a lawyer,” Simon said. 

“Oh? A Mr. Wright kind of a lawyer or a Prosecutor Edgeworth kind of a lawyer?” 

“. . . A defense attorney or a prosecutor?” 

“No, I mean - personality wise?” 

“. . . Somewhere in the middle, I’d think.” 

“Hmmmm.... Well, in that case, let’s not go with too formal. That would probably scare him off. But definitely a little dressy, since Mr. Wright wouldn’t give two shits if you wore the same thing as you usually do.” 

“. . . .” 

If he ever dated Wright-dono, he would keep that in mind. But he certainly had no intention of doing so. 

“What theatre are you going to?” 

“The one smackdab in between the prosecutor’s office and Sunshine Coliseum.” 

“Ah, that one has pretty cool air conditioning, so you’ll definitely want a jacket, but probably not your usual one. Let’s see.... Oh, this one is really cool! I didn’t know you had this!” 

“. . . I haven’t seen it in seven years. We’ll have to see if it still fits.” 

It did. 

By the end of it, Simon looked an awful lot more like he was part of a biker gang than anything else, but the design and aesthetic still screamed “Japanese.” 

“You’re not gonna pick him up via bus, are you? I can drive you guys if you want.” 

“I am not having my little sister figure drive me and my date around,” Simon said, mostly just wanting to avoid Athena learning who his date was. But that’d be just about as embarrassing as it would be if it was Aura driving him around. Unfortunately, he still hadn’t passed the no-driving period of his trial run of his new seizure medication. So no car or bike for him. 

“Call me after so I know you made it home safe and tell me how it went!” Athena said after they both exited his apartment and Simon locked the door. 

“I will,” Simon said, flushing a little. He was still very, very nervous. 

Apollo in the end had chosen where they were going to eat - a little Mediterranian hole in the wall near his apartment - and Simon had selected the movie. Simon had thought hard about what he thought Apollo would like, and he hoped that an action-adventure historical piece would interest him as much as it did himself. 

He rode the bus down to the bus stop closest to Apollo’s apartment, then he climbed the stairs and knocked on Apollo’s apartment door. 

The door opened a lot more abruptly than Simon was expecting, Apollo slamming the door closed behind him. 

“Awww, c’mon! I want to meet him!” came the voice of another man from the other side of the door. 

“Hurry, before he insists on embarrassing me further,” Apollo said, grabbing Simon’s hand and pulling him along. 

“Who was that?” 

“My roommate,” Apollo said, not turning around to look Simon in the face when he said it. 

Simon had no reason to prod further, so he simply let Apollo drag him by the hand down to the Mediterranean place. 

Apollo was also not wearing his usual suit. Instead, he was wearing what looked like a soft red-and-white jacket with a hood and blue jeans. The man still preferred his sleeves to be rolled up. It was an interesting habit of his. (Why not just wear a short-sleeved shirt . . . ?) 

Simon had never had Mediterranean food before, so he wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but after a back-and-forth of what everything on the menu was exactly, they both ordered and sipped at their water awkwardly for a few moments before starting conversation. 

Apollo didn’t really give much information about himself; Simon made a note that the man was rather private, despite seeming to have no problems with sleeping around. But he had a lot of opinions on music and food, and they ended up having a rather energetic conversation about science and space. Simon knew enough about it thanks to Aura and Metis, and Simon remembered that one of the victims in the cases they did together was Apollo’s friend, Clay Terran. Now that he thought about it, Clay Terran was probably who had shouted from inside the apartment room. Simon actually hadn’t met Clay himself, but between Aura and the case itself (from which Clay thankfully managed to survive) he knew who he was. 

Talk of space ended up leading to telling other people’s embarrassing stories, first starting with Apollo telling a story about an embarrassing thing Clay did one day trying to show off at the space center and spiraling into other topics from there. Simon ended up learning a lot about what life was like working at the Wright Anything Agency. 

When the food arrived, it was pretty good, though spicier than initially expected. Conversation pattered down as they ate, but Simon watched Apollo as he enjoyed his meal. He felt his face heating up once more. 

He was really cute.... 

While he still couldn’t believe the gall his drunk self had had the night they had slept together, without so much as treating him to dinner beforehand, he certainly understood why it had happened. 

Apollo Justice was beautiful. He was interesting to talk to, and that party . . . it had really been the first time they had talked outside of the courtroom, and he was just . . . so interesting and had good things to talk about and intelligent thoughts and. . . . 

His mind wandered to what Apollo had done for him that night and immediately diverted his gaze to stare intensely at the falafel he had ordered. Face beet-red, he focused on eating and not making a fool of himself. 

“What’re you thinking about? You’re all red in the face,” Apollo said. 

“N-nothing much....” 

Apollo smirked a little. 

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, if you’re thinking about what I think you’re thinking about.” 

Simon blushed harder. 

“Th-this isn’t supposed to be about that, it’s supposed to be me making it up to you.” 

“And I keep telling you there’s nothing to make up. I had fun. And you had fun too. There doesn’t have to be anything more than that if you don’t want there to be.” 

Simon gave that some thought. Did he . . . want there to be more? It’s true that it didn’t sit right to . . . “tap it and leave” so to speak.... 

He’d think about that later. He’d repay Apollo for the . . . very good night they had shared in the meantime. 

“I thought we’d see the new Steel Samurai movie, but if that doesn’t sound good to you, I have a runner-up option,” Simon said, changing the topic entirely. 

“I can see a Steel Samurai movie,” Apollo said, still smirking. 

Simon paid for the entire meal, despite Apollo trying to grab the check from him, and then they went to the movie theatre. 

Either Apollo had been tired before coming, or he had been a bit bored by the movie. Either way, he ended up falling asleep during part of the movie. Apollo’s head ended up resting on Simon’s shoulder, making Simon tense at first and blush immensely. He felt like he couldn’t move, lest he disturb him. 

Simon ended up watching Apollo’s sleeping face for a while instead of the movie. 

He had a sneaking suspicion he might be falling in love. Maybe it was just nerves but . . . . 

The Steel Samurai said some line about his love for the Pink Princess, and Simon found himself relating. 

Near the climax, Apollo awoke with a start and seemed to be trying to remember where he was, then he settled back down. Simon couldn’t quite remember how the film had reached this point, since his own attention had been elsewhere. 

He’d probably need to see the movie again in order to carry the inevitable conversation of “what did you think” with Edgeworth-dono. 

After the end of the movie, the two of them walked together in the direction of Apollo’s apartment, since it was much closer than Simon’s apartment at that moment. 

“I had a good time,” Apollo said as they stopped in front of Apollo’s apartment building. 

“I did as well....” 

Simon stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do next. 

“Well, I’ll see you at work, I suppose,” Apollo said. 

“Indeed we will.” 

They both stood there for a moment, neither seeming to really know what to do now. 

Eventually, Apollo turned and headed back up the stairs to his apartment room. Simon watched him ascend the stairs, then turned around to go to the bus stop. 

When he got home and called Athena, he mostly groaned into the audio receiver. 

“What? What happened? Simon? How’d it go?” 

All she got in return was more distressed moaning. Athena rolled her eyes. 

“Simon’s date not go well?” Trucy asked from her position of her head in Athena’s lap, Athena stroking her hair as she was on the phone. 

“I’ll hopefully find out when he stops being a baby about it,” Athena sighed. 

Trucy giggled.