#that said they couldnt wait for me to fall in reciprocated love

[kiisuuumii]

@kiisuuumii (yours, eve)

[mangosrar]

call it closure

chris sturniolo x fem reader.

long asf. smut. filth. sexy chris 😛😛😛

your relationship with chris had always been complicated, a will they wont they sort of thing. you both loved eachother, that was obvious, yes you were his, but he wasnt yours.

you both decided friends with benefits would be the best option. well for him. part of you agreed just so you could play pretend, trick yourself into thinking you had him, and you knew nothing lasted forever, but he fooled you for a while.

everyone knew chris had major commitment issues, but you just didnt understand. he treated you like the only girl ever behind closed doors, but the second anyone else was around, he would drop your hand.

you thought this would be fine, you had him, you had him to yourself and that was all that mattered. until you realised you didnt. he had you eating out the palm of his hand on complete puppet strings. he said jump and you asked how high. you had fallen down a dangerous rabbit hole, and the only way to escape was to drive a knife straight through the heart of whatever it was you and chris had.

flashback.

the house was the quietest youve ever heard it. matt and nick were out so chris had invited you over to smoke with him but you were pretty sure he had over done it because he had gone completely none verbal and just started staring at the wall. he was slouched down on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and his hands in his lap. you were too, slouched down on the couch with your knees up. he took a deep breath in before breaking the silence.

"do you think were soulmates in every universe?" he said. not moving his eyes from the spot on the wall. you could have cried right there and then, feeling a deep aching pain bloom in your chest from his words. you hated how he was so absentmindedly killing you.

there was an abundant pause and a thick tension gathered in the air, you wondered if chris could feel it too.

"are we even soulmates in this one?" your voice was so quiet and soft you weren’t sure he even heard you, until he let out a frustrated sigh before bringing a hand up to his face and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"come on y/n dont start this shit now" his voice was harsh. he kept his eyes closed waiting for you to drop it, like you did every time, but you werent sure how much longer you could carry on like this.

"what chris? im being serious, i dont even know what this is anymore, you treat me like im everything one minute and then act like you couldnt care less is i fucking live or die the next!" you let your feet fall and land on the floor as you sat up and turned to face him.

"you know thats not true" he took his hand off of his face and let it rest in the air. his eyes still closed.

"do i?" your voice was quiet and broken. this was draining. the heavy presence of the fact he wasnt truly yours was sucking the life out of you. he opened his eyes and looked at you.

"we both agreed to do this y/n you cant put all of this on me" he sat up and rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together and staring at you intensely.

there was a pregnant pause, he was waiting for you to defend yourself, or at least try to argue his point, but you couldnt, he was right, to a certain degree. yes you had both agreed to friends with benefits but you hadnt agreed to being hopelessly in love with someone who only reciprocated those feelings in the dark.

you dropped yours eyes, tearing them away from his and letting them linger on his hands before taking a deep breath in.

"i cant carry on like this, its killing me." he tried to cut you off momentarily but you held a hand up, stopping him. "i wont beg for you to love me anymore chris, because i know that somewhere deep down you really do". he said nothing as he stared at you. he was completely speechless. he felt that pain, just like you did, deep in his bones. you searched his eyes for something, anything, a sign that you were lying and just embarrassing yourself, a sign that told you he wasnt at all affected by this, any sense of doubt. you found nothing.

and with that, you left. you got up and walked out of that house, leaving chris to sit there and regret every singe life decision that had got him to this point, but he didnt come after you, he didnt try to stop you, he didnt try to change your mind and thats what stung the most.

end of flashback.

"im going to pack the car so everyone bring your bags down!" chris shouted from the bottom of the stairs.

you pulled the zipper closed on the bag before taking your phone off the bed and making your way downstairs, nick following close behind you. you didnt even look up at chris. you couldnt, you wanted to take complete advantage of the short amount of time you had left to distance yourself from him as much as possible.

it had been about 3 months since you walked out on chris, you hadnt spoke at all, he hadnt tried and neither had you, both of you just accepting fate and trying to move on, but considering the fact his two brothers were your best friends and you practically lived at their house with how much you were over, it was proving to be quite the challenge.

you just politely dropped your bag at his feet and scurried off into the kitchen, bumping into matt.

"you want me to drive the first or second half?" you asked. considering you were the only two that could drive, you insisted you would split it.

"i dont mind but, you sure you wanna have to sit next to chris for that long?" he lowered his voice slightly, his eyes darting to chris who was grabbing all the bags behind you, as his face scrunched up slightly. you glanced over your shoulder at him briefly before crossing your arms over your chest and shrugging.

"its okay, he wont talk to me anyways" you let out a pathetic laugh through your nose, trying to make the situation a little light hearted and a lot less embarrassing. matt obviously picked up on this but was kind enough to ignore it.

"ill do the first half, he will probably fall asleep by the time we swap anyway" he patted your shoulder and you nodded as he made a bee line for the front door.

matt and nick were probably the worst part of this whole situation. they were stuck smack bang in the middle of this pandemonium. of course they both knew what had happened but they gave you the courtesy of separating you and chris with you and them and decided to move past it. you and chris were both aware of how awkward it was for them, and thankfully, he was mature enough to not kick up a big fuss every time you were around. you hadnt spoken at all since that night, only the odd flash of a smile sent each others way when you crossed paths and that was rare, so when nick invited you on their weekend get away to a cabin in the middle of no where with them, you were obviously delighted.

the drive was excruciating. if it wasnt matt and nick arguing it was chriss shitty trap music playing or the gps redirecting you. while you were driving up front chris hadnt even spared you a glance, he didnt utter a single word to you the whole time.

part of you was grateful but another part of you wished he would have, selfishly, so you could just get over it and enjoy your weekend, but nothing was enjoyable anymore as long as chris was around.

"i call the double bed" chris yelled, running through the house.

"y/n theres a room with two singles, wanna bunk with me?" nick asked, slipping his backpack off of his shoulders.

"sure" you nodded, before making your way to the room, setting your bag down and plopping on the bed with a huff, matt trailed in behind you, with your suitcase.

"come on grouchy pants, were gonna have funnnn" he said swatting your leg that was dangling off the edge of the bed.

"i need at least 3-5 business days to recover from being within a 1 mile radius of chris for longer than 30 seconds" you let out a breath as you looked over to matt who was leaning on the door frame with his arms folded over his chest.

"that bad?" he raised his eyebrows in question.

"that bad" you replied flatley. matt just chuckled and motioned for you to follow him downstairs. you huffed and sat up before stomping down the hall after him.

in all fairness, it hadnt been that bad. the 4 of you had eaten, laughed played games and just had fun, regardless of the hanging tension wedged between you and chris. it was now 11:30 and everyone was asleep, but your mind just couldnt switch off, tossing and turning, checking the clock every 5 minutes. you huffed and looked over at nick who was out like a light. hot tub it is.

"i dont know madi, it just hurts" you spoke.

"has he even tried to talk to you?" she spoke over the phone.

"not one single word, and the thing is i dont know if i wanna strangle him or just kiss his fucking face off" you huffed, readjusting your arms so they were resting on the edge of the hot tub with your phone in your hands, the rest of your body being engulfed by the warm blanket of water.

"im worried my advice is gonna get you in trouble" she laughed, making you blow out a huff of air through your nose.

"it doesnt matter, i cant bring myself to do either" you and madi spoke for a little while longer beofre you wrapped the call up, put your phone on the ground and let your body sink lower into the steaming water until it was resting on your collar bones.

you sighed and let your head fall back, this is what you needed, a relaxing moment, the quiet calm of the night lulling your brain into a state of tranquillity, no matt and nick arguing, no chr-

"cant sleep?" you almost had a heart attack, your body jolted forward as your eyes darted around searching for the body that owned the voice.

"jesus, chris you scared the life out of me, how long have you been sitting there?" your hand rested on your chest, feeling the rapid beat of your heart from being startled. he just stared at you with drooped eyes from his position on the patio chair, opposite the hot tub.

"long enough" he said. his face didnt show any sign of emotion. his stoic expression sending an un willing chill up your spine, despite the warmth of the chlorine filled bubbles around you. chris leaned forward and you swallowed thickly.

"did you mean what you said?" his voice was alot softer and quieter than before, like he was worried you would break at the slight tone of his voice. you couldnt bring your self to look back up at him, he would eat you alive. you paused momentarily, weighing out your options of whether you even wanted to entertain this conversation with him or just cut him dead.

there was no way in hell that you were letting yourself fall back down this slippery slope again, so just like before, you abruptly got up and out of the hot tub, reached for your towel and made your way back inside, without sparing him a glance, keeping your eyes trained to the floor, leaving chris once again, to watch you walk away from him, and all the same, he didnt try to stop you.

"nick open the fucking door!" you whispered loudly. no reply.

resting your forehead against the door, you mentally cursed yourself for even going in the hot tub. you should have stayed in bed and this whole situation would be avoided, chris too. speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"what are you doing?" he stood just beside you with a questioning look on his face.

you huffed, pulling your head back and looking up at him.

"nick locked the door" you sounded so defeated it made his heart beat a little harder in his chest.

"you can come sleep with me, ill take the floor i dont mind" he motioned his head towards his designated bedroom while keeping his eyes trained to yours.

you dropped your head and sighed. how was this happening. you had spent months walking on egg shells, doing everything in your power to stay as far away from him as you could, and now you were forcing him out of his bed so you could sleep there.

he stared at you waiting for your answer. he knew you had no other option, you couldnt sleep on the couch with matt and you were also stood in a wet bikini and a wet towel. be realistic y/n.

"sure, okay" you looked up at him, and his eyes gained a fraction of hope momentarily, before he nodded and started leading you to his room. this was going to be a long night.

"um, i dont.." you paused and cleared your throat. "i dont have anything to wear" chris looked up at you from his position on the bed before his eyes trailed over your body, stood in a towel in the bathroom doorway shifting on your feet, looking like a nervous little girl.

you cleared your throat again, snapping chris out of whatever trance he had gotten into. he stood up and walked over to the dresser at the end of the bed, pulling out one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers, before padding over to you and handing them over.

"thanks" you smiled.

"no problem" he replied, watching you turn back into the bathroom, slamming the door in his face and leaning against it, you werent sure if this was going to work, your left control was wearing thin.

how had it ended up like this? you tried so hard to have some composure but you couldnt help it, he was shirtless, clad in grey sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips, basically inviting you to jump straight on him.

his lips trailed down your neck as his hands ran up your sides, relishing in the feeling of your skin against his after 3 months of complete torture without it.

he brought his lips back up to meet your in a hot and heavy kiss, tongues dancing together, teeth clashing, the works. frantic hands gripping his hair relentlessly, pulling groans from his mouth.

chris brought his hands to the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and separating the kiss, before diving back in and sucking purple marks into your neck and collarbones, earning breathy whines from you.

there was a moment of hesitation from you as he trailed his hands lower fiddling with the waistband of his boxers that you were wearing.

"chris wait" he halted his movements and brought his face up to yours. god he was making this so hard. he was breathing heavy and his hair was messy from your curious hands, his chain dangling between the two of you.

"we shouldnt be doing this" you shook your head, eyes wide.

"why y/n?" he asked breathlessly.

"because chris" you whined. he knew exactly why. all your hard work of keeping your distance from him had just been thrown into a sweltering ball of gasoline and chris had completely set it alight.

"call it closure" he whispered. he could see the inner turmoil you were facing. you knew you were about to give in, and judging by the smirk growing on his face, so did he.

you pulled his face down to yours again and he hummed into the kiss, the feeling of your lips on his being something no drug could ever amount to.

he continues his trail down your body, leaving wet hot kisses in his trail, keeping his eyes glued to yours. he was dragging this out, savouring the blaze of your touch.

"chris please" you whined.

"what baby? tell me what you want" he spoke in-between leaving kisses on your stomach and thighs.

"just fuck me" that was all he needed to hear before he was yanking your shorts down and doing the same with his own pants and boxers. he was on his knees between your legs, pumping his cock in his hand, eyes wondering over your frame hungrily.

"so pretty" he muttered before brining his lips to yours again and pushing his cock into you, giving you no time to adjust to his size before he was pulling all the way out and slamming back in over and over again. you were already a mess underneath him, mewling and moaning like you would never get the chance again.

"missed you so much baby, so fucking much" chris grunted in-between thrusts before peppering light kisses down the side of your face and neck. you just whined at his words.

his pace was relentless and your hands flew to his back, dragging your nails down his skin, pulling a low "fuck" from chriss lips.

"so good to me y/n, cant believe i ever fucking let you go" he said as he stilled his thrusts and pulled back, sitting on his knees and lifting your legs up to rest on his shoulders, and continuing his thrusts.

you let out a lewd moan at the new angle, hands gripping the bed sheets as chris arms wrapped around your thighs, drilling his cock into you so deep, hitting that spot inside that made you see stars.

"oh fuck chris dont stop" you mewled, letting your head fall back.

his pace became impossibly faster, every single thrust knocking the air out of your lungs.

you were pulsating around him, your high getting closer and closer. chris dropped your legs and doubled over, shoving his head into the crook of your neck with a deep groan.

"fuck y/n i can feel you squeezing me" his words were strangled and breathless. he brought his lips to yours once again but the pleasure was so good and you were so close you couldnt keep up with him, chris noticed this and smirked against your mouth.

"come on sweet girl, give it to me, come all over my cock" he said as he brought his thumb down to rub hard, fast circles over your puffy clit making your back arch even further off the bed.

you let out a strangled moan of his name before being launched into a pool of complete, white ecstasy, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. his thrusts did not falter as he sat up watching you ride out your orgasm with hooded eyes.

“you look so pretty like this ma”

he wasnt far behind, his hips stuttered before he let out a loud whine, followed by a hiss and a string of curses, painting your insides white, sending a few more thrusts, filling you to the brim, before collapsing on top of you.

the two of you were sweating and panting, both completely silent, just relishing in the feeling of the post sex haze. your hands come up to his hair and you ran your fingers through it soothingly.

he planted a soft kiss to your collarbone before bringing his face up so he was eye level with you. his eyes trailed over your face, creating a memory and he took a deep breath in before speaking.

"i do love you”.

_______________________________________________

YALL😛😛😛😛

sorry for starving you guys i’ve just been mad busy but i’m back !!!! love u. bee ❤️‍🩹

taglist: @christinarowie332 @biimpanicking @chrisenthusiast @urmyslxt @soursturniolo @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattslolita @flowerxbunnie @lovingsturniolo @its-jennarose @ermdontmindthisaccount @secret-sturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @justaslvttygirl @urfavstromboli @chrisfavoritepepsi @kenleighsbl0g @udonotknowme

[rabitzzz]

guess ill explain whats up huh

cw for death and suicide and like . genuine traumadumping

my entire life ive really struggled with making friends . not even that , im really charismatic on the surface so i make friends easily . keeping them is a whole different story . its likely because ive never had in depth professional help for my trauma which leads me to be really dependent on others , because professionals have told me i show clear signs of separation anxiety and codependency . its been this way my whole life

this kinda came to a peak in 2018 when i was 16 and finally had a little group of friends online , where a majority of my friends have been for ... forever . we had a discord server for talking and another for rp and we were all super close . one of my closest friends i was closest to was called tobio ( like the hq guy ) and i was friends with him for 8yrs at that point . ive never had a friendship last that long before or since . he was kinda the ringleader of the group snd he was 18 . the oldest person there was a guy called kami and he was 21 or 22 . kami was like my older brother , and he was tobios bf . the other major players in this story are asteria ( 15 ? ) and jay ( 19 )

jay and i met in august when tobio introduced him to the group . i didnt know it then but jay was my first fp , i think . within a week i had developed the biggest most obvious crush in the world and he reciprocated . we ended up dating and to this day he is the ... dare i say he was the only healthy relationship ive ever had , and im sad to admit ive had at least a dozen partners .

a lot happened in that group . something happened that caused a fight between to asteria and tobio , and both of them vented to me . but i was neutral — these were my friends , i wanted them to get along !! i wanted the group to stay together !! but i said something ( " even if tobio was abusive , im just afraid of the others feeling as if they have to make a choice of which side to be on . i dont want that to happen " or something similar . a hypothetical for sure ) to asteria and she took that response out of context , and the friend group split in half between jay / tobio / kami , and asteria and a couple others . i was the ONLY neutral one . out of at least 6 . and i got blamed for everything falling apart .

it was 2 months after i started dating jay when this happened , and we broke up because of it . because he didnt like that i could be friends with someone who accused his lifelong irl friend ( tobio ) of being abusive . during those 2 months , jay wasnt online a single time . and tobio said irl he couldnt find jay either

jay had a job and a dog and lived by himself . it was terrifying for everyone . and again , i was blamed . everyone thought he killed himself after breaking up with me because he always said he couldnt live without me . this was october 8th

jay came back really late september , or really early december . like last day or first day . and we caught up because while he was gone , i would message him updates . sometimes splitting and saying i hated him for disappearing , for scaring me like this . i would send him pretty photography i took walking home from school . i told him how tobio and asteria and the others all stopped talking to me , but that kami stuck around because he was the only one who told me nothing was my fault . jay finally showed me a selfie ( blonde with freckles and hazel green eyes . his eyes were so pretty ) and we talked about us . about how he loved me but the 3 year age gap bothered him so he wanted to wait until i was 17 in april to get back together . we talked about his identity crisis . he got me out of the toxic relationship i had gotten myself into with someone who was way too possessive of me ( and traumatized me sexually despite being 14 / 15 )

jay got me and tobio to be friends again . it was me , jay , tobio , and kami . our group was smaller , but we were together again . i was happy

december 11th . im in class and out of data so i cant be online all day . i finally get around 1pm and see frantic messgaes from jay . typos and full on fear because he thinks tobio killed himself and he cant contact him . asking me if ive heard from him . jay was never frantic . tobio had gone missing in another country and he wasnt this scared before . the messgaes were three hours old and jays offline . i panic and start explaining why i was offline and i hadnt heard from tobio but trying to reassure him . no response . i try calling him on discord . no answer . im crying in my supplementary class because my most important person is stressed and i dont know how to help . if i can .

just earlier that day , before i went to school , he told me he loved me and hed always be there for me .

that was our last conversation .

id never hear from him again .

tobio would come back on the 13th and cut me off entirely . i asked kami and he said to give tobio some time beacause something really bad happened

11 days pass and i havent heard from jay . im upset because this scared me . i didnt want another 2 month disappearance

december 24th . christmas eve . i tell kami im really upset because i havent heard from jay yet since tobios suicide scare

december 24th

8:24pm

kami tells me the " bad thing " that happened

was jay dying .

his last words were for me . tobio told me because kami tried to have us talk things out , to rekindle our 8yr friendship , because we were jays most important people . tobio tells me he hates my guts . he always had . he tried to drop me so many times but i always found him , always clung to him , always annoyed him . he told me i had been too much for jay and thats why he died , because a healthy 19yr old doesnt die in their sleep for no reason . i was too needy , too clingy , too much to " babysit and take care of " , and thats why jsy died

kami broke up with tobio

me and kami drifted apart over the rest of 2019 , not for a lack of trying . too much had happened .

so yeah . this whole thing i have about being so dependent and needing attention is both a result of and a cause of my trauma . ive never learned how to deal with it . thats why ive been so weird for a few months . thats why i get so jealous of healthy friendships and relationships . thats why im hard to get along with sometimes . thats why im in therapy

ill be better one day i think . i hope

sorry ^^;;;

[chibsytelford]

Not Usually Like This

- Gif credit to creator - @thedevilsmoonshine

A/N - this is based of the song 'not usually like this' by Cian Ducrot. He is my newest obsession and I recommend you listen to his music. ❣

You can join my group chat HERE for updates.

We used to be like the lovers, the ones that you'd see in a movie, I felt like I was your Noah and I thought that you were my Allie

When you and EZ first met it was like a page from a book, a scene from a movie where you just lock eyes and instantly click. It happened exactly like that. EZ holding the door open for you to exit La Carniceria like a proper gentleman. You looked up to thank him and the moment you made eye contact you knew there was something special about him. And he thought the same about you. He soon realized you were smart, trusting, caring and loyal. Or so he thought. He trusted you quickly and soon told you about the ruthless Mayans MC. You had seen them around town a few times, riding their bikes like they owned the town and they did in a way. Most people were scared of them, most people hated them. And you understood why.

You and EZ made it official after a few months, and the club took you in under their wings. Made sure nobody messed with you, made sure you were looked after which you were thankful for. They were a good bunch on the most part.

It took EZ 6 months to say the words 'I Love You'. You hadn't said it back, telling him you really liked him but you weren't quite at the love stage yet. He smiled and said 'take your time' and he was great. He didn't push you to say it. He was thankful for your honesty.

But we weren't out of a book,

And I never wanted to hide it

But I had my heart set on you

When I guess you still hadn't decided

It was around the year mark when EZ realised you still hadn't told him you loved him. He didn't normally push, but he needed to know that you felt the same way he did. You were the one for him, yet you hadn't reciprocated his deep feelings. He showed you every day that he loved you. Made sure that every guy who walked through the clubhouse door knew you were his. He was quick to tell any hangarounds that he was taken, that he was in love. If only you did the same.

When he approached the subject - one night as you both sat having a drink - about if you loved him yet, you laughed. You once again told him 'I really like you EZ. You're a good guy'. He had sighed and given you a smile that never reached his eyes. He didn't bring it up again, too scared that he'd lose you for good.

But I was so fucked up when I saw the way you looked at him

Did you fall out of love? Did he give you something I couldn't give?

One night he finally broke. Finally admitted to himself that you were never going to feel the same way he did. He sat with Angel who tapped him on the shoulder and pointed in your direction. The brothers looked at you and saw you chatting with a guy from another charter, but EZ didn't recognise him. Angel had asked him "bro, you gonna interfere?" And EZ had shaken his head saying "Nah, leave her. She's never looked at me like that". Angel had looked at him sympathetically. "You can do better than her anyway" and EZ being the ever loyal person he is told him off. "Stop it Angel. I couldn't, she's amazing and everything I've ever needed". Angel had shrugged and walked off, leaving his younger brother with his thoughts.

EZ had watched you for the next 30 minutes - looking at the way you touched the guys arm when you were talking to him, how your smile lit up your face when he made you laugh, how that there seemed to be nobody else in the room except him. He was jealous. Sad. Hurt. He wished that he could have been that guy.

What did he have EZ didn't? They were both in Clubs. The other guy couldn't offer safety anymore than EZ could. He couldn't promise a life without pain or hurt, just like EZ couldnt either. So why him? Why had you ignored EZ for the last few hours, throwing away the past year for a guy who was very similar to himself?

No, I'm not usually like this

And I don't think I'm ready for change

You know I could usually fight this

EZ had spent the rest of the night just watching you and this guy. You had even looked over at him a few times, offering a small smile before turning back to the man who had all of your attention. Any other time EZ would have stormed over, grabbed the guy and laid into him before whisking you away. But he knew that it was pointless this time. He knew that you wanted the man to talk to you, to give you attention. EZ should have confronted you, called you names, been angry with you but he respected and loved you too much for that. So all he did was sit back and watch. Watch his lover love someone else.

And I know it's hard sometimes

But I wish you could stay for a moment

He wished he stood a chance. He wished that he could turn back time a few weeks and change himself. But honestly, he didn't know what we could do differently. He listened to you when you said he was spending too much time with the club, so he made effort to get home early and have some days off as hard as it was. He did everything you asked and still that wasn't enough. He would kill for one last touch from you, one last kiss but inside he knew it wasn't going to happen.

I thought I got over this feeling

'Cause it's been six years now

But I saw you last week on the street and

I caught myself turning around

Six years later and EZ had just about managed to stop thinking about you everyday. It took him a while and multiple interventions from his brothers to finally stop chasing after you. To let you go. It was hard but he got through it and felt like he could finally move on. He might have only known you for a short time but the impact you made on him was instant and he would always remember you, for the good and bad times.

As he waited to cross the road to check on his pops, he saw you exit the shop with the same guy from before. He stopped in his tracks and just watched you. You looked madly in love and extremely happy as you laughed at something the guy said. He didn't have his kutte on and EZ wondered if the guy had left for you. Maybe that was something he offered that EZ wasn't sure if he ever could. Did you know that before him? Did EZ know for sure himself that he would have chosen the club over you?

The memories of that night came back to EZ. The night that he had just about managed to bottle away and keep closed and deep down in his heart. He mentally scolded himself, remembering what his brothers had said. "The club comes first Ezekiel" "You will find someone else who loves you for you". He didn't believe it at first but as time went on he slowly accepted that you were not coming back, and that someday he would have to move on from you.

And he did. Eventually. A year ago he met someone. He was hesitant at first to open his heart again, but he managed to. He had learned his lesson and he was taking it slow, this time not saying the special 3 words until he was 100% sure that the girl felt the same. He thought it was coming soon. It was like night and day between you and his new girlfriend. She treated EZ like he deserved to be treated, and he accepted it - hesitantly at first - but he was getting there.

EZ composed himself, shook you from his thoughts and crossed the road going into his pops' shop. He never wanted his new girl to feel the way he did, so he vowed to never think about you again. He wouldn't do that to anyone. He knew how much it hurt him.

@rebelwrites @encounterthepast @yourwonkywriter @everyhowlmarksthedead @pancakeisreading @phoenixhalliwell @angelreyesisdaddy04 @angelreyesgirl @lauraashley93 @louisianalady @withmyteeth @mayans-sauce @jasminee97 @calif0rnia-lovers @gemini0410 @rocketqueen @kid-from-new-zealand @est1887 @meteora-fc @mrsmarvelous1995 @multiyfandomgirl40 @destynelseclipsa @lovebishoplosamiguelgalindo @starrynite7114 @scuzmunkie @blessedboo @sheeshgivemeabreak @elcococruz @anangelwhodidntfall @talicat713 @i-love-scott-mccall

[violetwolfraven]

Hello, i saw you’ve reblogged your old post of tropes you wanna write for newsies fanfics. So if i may ask for 33 with jomike and make if extra angsty :D (i’m sorry i’m just so hyped that i found a fic writer that ships my rare pairs and also write so GOOD!!!) You can do anything you want here but might i suggest getting ike to appear too? No pressure tho. Thanks 💕💕

You’re in the hospital and I’m pleading with you not to leave me and to please just wake up.

Extra angsty, coming right up! (I feel like I’m running a fast food place here lol) Dude, never apologize for requesting stuff. I need the stuff to do and it makes me happy to know people like my writing! Thank you! So anyway proceed with caution and remember that you asked for this. :)

Tw: attempted suicide, internalized homophobia

This was all his fault.

Mike felt like he’d probably be having a panic attack if he wasn’t so laser focused on the boy in front of him right now.

He’d only left Jojo’s house a couple hours ago, and that was all it took for this nightmare to start.

Who was he kidding? This was worse than any nightmare his imagination could possibly string together. This was the worst possible scenario he could think of.

Mike had been over at his friend’s (actually, his crush, but Jojo didn’t know that) house for movie night, but had left around 9:00 due to their parents not approving a sleepover on a school night.

He’d known Jojo was acting weird, but like an idiot, he’d just hoped it was Jojo realizing he liked him back.

Mike was a goddamn self-centered idiot. He should have asked what was wrong instead of just acting like he didn’t notice anything.

Because his heart had stopped when, an hour after he left, Jack called him.

It was 10:21 at night.

He texted me because he knows I can’t get there in time. You live close enough that you might. Mike, you need to stop him.

When Mike got there, Jojo’s mother was very confused, but he just pushed past her, running up the stairs and yanking open the door to his friend’s room to find—

He was too late.

Jojo was already on the ground clutching his stomach, a note, a water bottle, and a bottle of tylenol on the ground beside him.

Guessing what would be on it, Mike had shoved the note in his pocket before Jojo’s parents got in the room, and was already on the phone with the paramedics by the time Mrs. de la Guerra screamed.

Now, at 11:09 at night on a school night, the doctors had done all they could.

Now, it was up to Jojo. His body would win the fight against the overdose, or it wouldn’t.

Mike didn’t know if he could do it, because judging by the note, he didn’t want to.

This was all Mike’s fault.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m sorry, but I have to do this. I’ve tried to be a good son. I’ve tried to follow what you taught me, but I was too weak. I failed, and for that, I’m sorry.

Please don’t blame Mike. It’s not his fault. I don’t think he even noticed, but... I fell in love with him. I tried to deny it. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t fight my feelings forever. So I have to do this, because it’s the only way out. Trust me, I don’t like it any more than you do. But it’s the only option. I love you and I’m sorry again.

-Jojo

Jojo had tried to commit suicide because he thought he had to, after an ultra-religious upbringing.

Because of his feelings for Mike, which Mike was too damn stupid to see.

And now he might die.

He was lying there in a hospital bed, barely breathing.

Mr. and Mrs. de la Guerra had given Mike time to talk to him alone, being grateful that he’d gotten there in time to maybe save him, not knowing that he was the reason for all this.

If they knew the real reason for all this, they might not even care if Jojo survived.

They might hope he didn’t.

And it was all Mike’s fault.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see it, Jo,” he whispered, “I shoulda told ya how I felt, to show you it wasn’t wrong. I shouldn’ta assumed you knew.”

Jojo, being unconscious, didn’t respond.

Mike held back a sob, clinging to the beeping of the heart monitor to make himself stay sane.

His heartbeat was still steady. He was still alive. Even if he might not be for much longer... he was for now.

For now.

“There’s nothin’ wrong with you,” Mike said quietly, “Boys lovin’ other boys ain’t any different from boys lovin’ girls. You don’t choose who ya love. You just love them. I know ‘cause I definitely didn’t choose to love you.”

He grabbed Jojo’s hand, hoping his friend could hear him.

The word ‘friend’ felt wrong here, even if it was what they were.

Odds were, they would never get a chance to be anything more.

“I wouldn’t fall for anyone else if I could. The way I feel ‘bout you... I don’t wanna feel it for someone else, and I doubt I ever will, so please, fight this. Stay strong, Jojo, and come back to me.”

Mike had been fighting tears that whole time, but now, he was full-on crying, and he hoped Jojo couldnt hear that. He didn’t want him to feel guilty for hurting Mike when he needed to focus on his own hurt.

He definitely knew Jojo had a tendency to blame himself for everything.

“Come back to me, Jojo,” he pleaded, “Please don’t leave me like this. We gotta talk ‘bout... a lot of things. But that can wait. It’s not important. What is important is that... dammit, Jo, ya gotta wake up. You just gotta... you gotta make it. I don’t wanna imagine a world without you in it.”

The heart monitor stayed steady, and that was good, but...

No change meant he wasn’t waking up, either.

Mike wiped his eyes as he stood up. He needed to pull himself together enough that it didn’t seem weird to Jojo’s parents. They could not know why he tried to commit suicide and they could not know that the feelings he was so worried about were reciprocated.

“I gotta go,” he told Jojo, “But I’ll come visit again soon, and... and please, even if you can’t wake up by then, be here, anyway. I don’t know if you can hear me in there, but... but I love you, too, Jo, so please, please don’t go.”

Mike had to make himself leave that room right then, because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to leave at all.

He got lucky. Mr. and Mrs. de la Guerra didn’t notice him pass in the hallway, too busy talking to the doctor.

Ike was waiting for him in the car when he got out the door.

He’d had their dad drive him to the hospital a while ago, knowing Mike would be too messed up to drive himself home in the car they shared.

“Hey Mikey,” he said quietly as Mike got in the car.

Usually, they called each other ‘idiot’ or ‘fart face’ or ‘butt trumpet.’ Their real names were reserved for serious situations. For I’m having drama with my crush and I’m upset enough that you cannot tease me about it. For I’m having a really bad day so do not fucking test me. For I can tell you’re upset, so do you need space or a distraction?

For your close friend and crush is dying in that building and nobody knows if he’s going to make it.

“How’s Jojo?”

Mike shrugged, “They’s done all they can. It’s all down to if he fights hard enough, now.”

“Well, he’s strong, so I’m sure he can—“

“Yeah, but he don’t want to,” Mike interrupted, “He tried to commit suicide, Ike. The whole purpose of that is to not fight it off.”

Ike stayed silent for a few seconds, just staring at him and making sure Mike was really done.

“Deep down, he’s gotta know he’s got stuff to live for,” he said finally, “His parents, the friend group, you—“

“Me?” Mike interrupted again, tears interrupting him, “This is my fault. This is all my fault, Ike. He’s gonna die ‘cause of me.”

“Mike, you got to him ‘fore he really OD’d. You almost got there in time to stop him altogether, but no one coulda gotten there faster. This ain’t your—“

Ike tried to reach over to hug him, but Mike just shoved Jojo’s suicide note at him instead.

It didn’t take him long to read it.

“Oh, Mikey...”

“See?” Mike sobbed, “He’s dying... and it’s all my fault.”

[wuvbug-kny]

too late — kamado tanjirou

↬ tw!! suicidal thoughts

↬ tanjirou x fem!reader x inosuke

↬ genre: angst

“i-i really do like you..um, it wasnt easy to confess b-but..yeah..”

my body shook. my head ached. my anxiety was over the roof. what was i thinking, why would i confess to him?! oh god. im going insane. what was i thinking..

i felt tears in my eyes start to form as my body got hotter by the second. my fists were clenches togethee tightly, nails digging into my palms as my heart raced at an unsteady pace. i gulped. why wasnt he saying anything? why is he just standing there? oh no.. my eyes remained stuck onto the ground as the knot in my throat got tighter. the tears that had formed in my eyes began to fall to the ground, and out of embarassment i lowered my head even more hoping he wouldnt notice.

tanjirou, please dont break me more than i already am broken.

“(y/n)..”

“y-yes?”

“im sorry.

i cant reciprocate your feelings.”

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

i felt numb. i felt like complete, utter trash.

i felt worthless. i feel worthless.

of course it turned out that way.

why did i get my hopes up? why was i so dumb? to think someone like him would love such a lonely, miserable girl like me.

my heart ached. ever since i felt like the hole in my chest had gotten the biggest its ever been. it hurt, the pain was incredibly painful, i felt like i seeped even more into darkness than the darkness i was emorsed in before.

god, why am i so miserable? what is this life you’ve given me? what is my purpose?

sometimes, no, at all times i just want to disappear.

the knock on my door startled me, causing me to jump up from my laying position on my bed, in result of getting up too fast i had landed on my floor painfully. i grunted in pain as more tears began to spilled out from my eyes.

im miserable..

quickly sitting up, i wiped the tears from my tomato reddened face before sucking everything up as best as i could.

“y-yes?” i replied to the knocking coming from my door.

the knocking got even louder.

confused, i called out again. “y-yes??”

i jumped, shrieking slightly as the door was kicked open. am i under attack? but this is the butterfly estate! scrambling to my bed like the coward i was, i quickly pulled out my blade, pointing it towards the now beaten down door.

“w-who is it??” i shivered.

“(y/n), you bird brain! training has started and everyone is still waiting on you!!”

in came inosuke, wearing his boar mask as usual.

i lowered my blade and sighed shakily, before putting it away. “i-inosuke..you scared me. you could of just answered to me instead of kicking my door open..” i said, getting up from the bed.

“whatever! you should be at training! you’re holding everyone up, you stupid hag!” he huffed, crossing his arms.

i forcefully made myself laugh, even though i was in now way amused by his words.

hes right.

im a burden to everybody.

i shouldnt be here.

i should just die.

im so worthless.

everyone would be better off without me.

without realizing, i felt the warmness of my tears flowing down my face. i felt my heart ache so badly, my body shaking.

unable to hold my stance, i fall to the floor. sobbing.

because im so pathetic.

taking my bruised up hands, i quickly try to wipe the tears away but they just keep coming, and coming. i cant stop. i cant stop. my bubble has bursted, i have no more energy, i have no energy to keep it all in anymore, i cant control myself.

as i was too busy drowning in my negative, self killing thoughts, i was interrupted when my hands were pulled away from my face.

a little taken aback, but still having tears flowing down my face, i looked up.

inosuke..

“what are you, a baby? stop it.” he grumbled as he wiped my tears away with his thumb. his thumb glided across my cheek, flicking my tears away as gently as ever. for a moment i felt my heart warm. this is the first time ive ever been carressed so gently. i loved the feeling, but at the same time surprised as to who i was recieving it from.

“dont cry anymore. i dont like it.” his hands gently carressed my face now as his emerald eyes looked into mine. i felt my heart skip a beat, the empty deep feeling in my chest being forgotten at the very moment. i couldnt look away from his eyes.

for the first time ever, i felt like. i was okay.

i teared up again, but before i could let the tears spill i engulfed inosuke in a hug. an endearing, loving, grateful hug. i sobbed as i buried my face into his chest.

“t-thank you. thank you so much.”

i felt his arms wrap around my shaking figure gently, as he at the same time patted my head.

i was honestly surprised as to what was going on right now. out of all people, inosuke.

you’ve made me so happy. you’ve made me feel safe, okay, and wanted.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

two months had passed ever since tanjirou had turned me down.

honestly, i had nothing against tanjirou. i never expected him to like me, heck, love me back even. i never expected him to reciprocate my feelings. but at the same time, i felt like i still had a chance. i dont know what was going through my mind at the time.

i still loved tanjirou. maybe not as much as before, but i knew i still had the slightesy feelings for him. i try my best to talk to him as if nothing had ever happened. i really just want to move on from it.

as much as i hate myself for it, seeing him and talking to him makes me feel worthless. i hate myself for feeling that way. if i could go back in time and redo everything, i most certainly would.

what hurt me even more was to see how close he had gotten himself with kanao. it was no surprise to me, honestly. kanao is a very pretty girl, and she’s just way better than me in general in regards to demon slaying and skill wise.

no wonder tanjirou would take interest in her.

i was happy for him, i really was. i held no resent towards kanao at all. afterall, it would be petty and childish.

kanao was a dear friend to me and if they really did have chemistry between one another, i do really wish them the best.

i just cant help but pity myself.

“(y/n)!”

i squeaked in surprise as i was suddenly lifted off the ground by a pair of arms around my waste and twirled around. it took me a moment to realize that it was nobody but inosuke, before having a giggling fit.

“i-inosuke! put me down!” i laughed as he started to make plane noises. i felt myself blush as his eyes locked itself with mine, before averting my gaze to block him from noticing my face had turned into a tomato red.

ever since i broke down in front of inosuke and had him comfort me, we’ve gotten a lot closer. not much has changed between us personality wise, but he associated with me way more and always seemed ready whenever id ask him a favor, etc. he also now liked to pick me up and pretend to toss me, or making plane noises as he twirled me around.

he’s honestly like my best friend now. i can actually talk to him about how i feel deep down inside. he listens but doesnt really give much input on it, but i dont mind. its inosuke afterall, what can i expect? all im grateful for is that he listens.

inosuke grinned before setting me back down on the floor. he patted my hat before literally collapsing onto the grass covered ground, yawning and using his arms to rest his head on.

“im tired, (y/n). take a nap with me.” he grunted, patting the spot next to him. i smiled before laying down too, as i looked up at the sky.

“hey, inosu-“ i cut myself off after i had looked at him and noticed he was already out like a light. i giggled a bit. hes such a baby, honestly.

i stared at his face a bit more and noticed how pretty and feminine his features were. his eyelashes were curled and at a beautiful length, his lips slightly parted making him look angelic. his fair skin with no scars made him look like an angel.

jeez, god really do be picking favorites.

i sighed before laying back down on the grass, closing my eyes as i rested my head on inosuke’s chest. i felt myself sleeping into sleep and just let it happen.

this was one of the many times i felt at peace, always with inosuke.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

“im telling you, inosuke and (y/n) have a thing going on! have you seen how they are with each other?!” falling onto the floor, zenitsu started to sob. “why, out of all people, him?! a pretty girl like (y/n) deserves better! eUUugGNnN!!”

“what are you guys talking about?” tanjirou asked as he walked into the room, a smile worn on his face as he laughed at zenitsu obviously being overdramatic about whatever it was.

aoi and the other three girls sighed as they continued on eating their lunch.

“zenitsu thinks (y/n) and inosuke are dating and hes freaking out about it because he knows he’ll never get someone as pretty as (y/n).” aoi said, laughing at the last part.

tanjirou froze, before laughing nervously. “aaah, dont say that, im sure zenitsu will find someone one day!”

aoi shrugged, followed on by more giggles coming from sumi and the two others.

“are (y/n) and inosuke really dating?” tanjirou asked, sitting down.

“dont even mention it! agh!” zenitsu cried from his laying position on the ground, before burying his face in his arms again.

aoi rolled her eyes before moving onto answering tanjirou. “well..no, actually yeah, no, we dont know. i mean it looks like it. they’ve gotten a lot of closer and inosuke is always up on (y/n) now. i mean, they’d make a really cute couple! i see the way (y/n) lights up when shes around him.”

“a-ah. i see.” tanjirou said, letting out a slight laugh. “well, im gonna head out to train now. ill see you all at dinner.”

aoi and the three girls said goodbye to him as he made his exit.

tanjirou walked down the halls of the butterfly estate, before stumbling upon the garden. he sighed, walking out with the intention to take a look at the peaceful view of the garden meadow and for some fresh air.

his peace was interrupted, however, as his eyes locked upon two well known people cuddled up on the garden grass, taking a peaceful nap.

his fists clenched, and so did his teeth.

he felt jealousy over power him. he did not realize it, but it was there and he felt it. he just didnt know what it was.

but what he knew, was regret.

that he had let (y/n) slip past him.

[shy-marker-pliers]

The Adventures Of Eric Derekson Chapter 10 | A Conversation That Should Have Happened A While Ago And A Very Long Story Titile That’s Stating To Sound Like That Of A Fall Out Boy Song.

Warnings: none that i can think of

Relationship: Heric

Characters: Host, Eric, Bim, cameos from several other Egos

Eric was nervous. duh.

On this particular day, he was nervous because he had a big problem. A big, tall, handsome, trenchcoat-wearing problem. The Host. He had been Erics very best and closest friend (and not so secret crush) for months now. If he didn’t tell The Host how he felt sometime soon he would explode.

And therein lies the rub. because if he told The Host how he felt and got rejected, he’d never be able to talk to him again. He couldn’t take that chance, never. And so, he suffered and suffered, until one day, he couldn’t take it anymore and sought help from the manor’s self-proclaimed relationship expert.

Bim trimmer. Who was also, coincidentally, the manor’s not-so-self-proclaimed gossip hound. But Eric didn’t really know who else to go to, so there he stood, outside of Bims bedroom door.

The door flew open the second he knocked. and there stood Bim, wearing nothing but polka dotted leggings, knee high boots, and a glittery purple scarf, for some reason.

“Eric! What a pleasant surprise! Sorry for not being as put together as I usually am, but i was cleaning out my closet, which basically means that I try on everything in it and throw away what isn’t in season anymore.”

“O-Oh, i’m sorry, i didn’t know you were busy...i don’t wanna be a bother, i’ll come back another time-“

“Nonsense! a quiet lil’ cutie like you could never bother me!” Bim wrapped an arm around Eric’s shoulders and guided him into the room, which, to Eric, looked like the place where New York fashion week went to die. there were clothes of all kinds scattered everywhere. well, except for a little couch up against the wall, which was where Bim was taking him.

The gameshow host snapped his fingers. Inexplicably, the room was suddenly spotless, and he was wearing his usual attire of a three piece suit and tie.

“There. Much better.”

“But don’t you wanna finish going through your clothes...?”

“oh, I never throw away anything in my closet anyway. i’m sure if you went far enough in there you’d find some stuff from the ‘40s. Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Um...you’re t-the ‘relationship expert,’ right?”

“The one and only.”

“...Okay. B-Before I tell you anything, y-you have to promise me you won’t t-tell anybody.”

“Aww!”

“Please, Bim..?”

“Fine. You’re lucky you’re too cute to say no to.”

“T-Thank you. Now um...I kinda sorta like somebody.”

“Do tell.”

“Okay, okay...i-it might be a bit surprising, but...I-I like The Host.”

Bim snorted before hiding his face and breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Oh honey, I know. Everyone knows.”

Eric blushed immediately. “E-Everyone?”

“Well, everyone except Host at least. The poor bastard is as clueless as you are.”

“What...?”

“He likes you too. it’s so obvious. plus, he rants to me about how cute he thinks you are every damn day.”

“H-He what??”

Bim laughed even harder. “Babe, you have no idea how many of us have been internally screaming at you two to just date already.”

Eric didn’t know whether to laugh or blush or cry. In the end, he settled for putting on a big goofy grin. “S-So he likes me back!?”

“Yes, you dummy!” Bim paused and took a deep breath. “i’m sorry, that was rude. you’re not a dummy, you’re beautiful and perfect just the way you are. But you’re kinda clueless when it comes to relationship stuff.”

“I guess you’re r-right...B-But now i know he likes me back!”

Eric sprung up from his seat to head to his room, but not before giving Bim a quick hug and a “Thank you!”

He was a giggling, blushing mess the whole way back to his room. However, onece he got there, he stopped. What was he supposed to do now? if he tried to ask Host out, he’d just mess it up! he couldn’t let that happen! and knowing that The Jost likes him too was amazing, but it would definitely make their future interactions awkward. Oh god, he’d never be able to talk to Host now.

...___...

Luckily for Eric, the god of love seemed to be on his side. after hiding in his room for almost the entire day, he had changed into his favorite onesie and gotten ready for bed. However, before he could shut off the lights and snuggle up under the covers, there was a quiet knock at the door. He walked over, opening it a crack to see who was on the other side.

There stood The Host. He was fidgety and anxious, which was unprecedented in and of itself, but what really confused Eric was that he was holding what appeared to be a very tiny tree.

He opened the door all the way. “H-Host?”

“The Host apologizes for coming to Eric this late, but he wishes to speak with him about something important.”

“O-Oh, it’s no problem! I’m a-always glad to have you as c-company...” Eric went a bit pink, but he gestured for Host to come in.

The two sat next to each other on Eric’s bed. There was silence for a while, but then The Host cleared his throat and spoke.

“The Host apologizes again for coming this late, but he just couldn’t wait any longer.” He drew in a deep breath.

Host handed the little tree to Eric, who took it and looked at it curiously. “It’s a bonsai tree. The Host knows that flowers are more visually appealing, but they wither up in a few days and...Well, he just thought that it would be nice to give Eric something that he can keep and take care of.”

“Oh, thank y-you, I love it! It’s a-adorable!” Eric smiled and set the bonsai tree on his bedside table, then turned back to Host. “But why d-did you bring it to me?”

“Well, like The Host said, flowers are usually used for these types of things...”

“What...?”

“What The Host is trying to say is that he likes Eric very much, and has for a long while now. I-In a romantic sense, that is. He understands if Eric does not feel the same, but he needed to get this off of his chest.”

Host curled in on himself a bit, avoiding looking in Erics direction.

Eric, meanwhile, was blushing from the tips of his ears all the way down to his neck.

“You- You r-really didn’t know?”

“Know what?”

“I thought I was being a total obvious mess, with how I couldn’t s-stop blushing when you t-talked to me, or how I f-followed you around like a lost puppy, o-or how I, like, short-circuited whenever you smiled at me-“

Eric stopped himself from rambling. “What I mean is, I um...I like you too. A-A whole bunch.”

The Host beamed. it was by far the happiest Eric had ever seen him, and he felt a little blossom of pride at causing that happiness.

“Eric has no idea how relived The Host is right now- And he thought he was being the obvious one? The Host thought it was him!”

he laughed. Eric laughed too. Soon both of them were in fits of giggles, both from the sheer hilarity of the situation and the relief that their feelings towards each other were reciprocated. After they had calmed down, Eric asked, “So...what do we do now?”

“...In all of the romance books The Host has read, this is usually the part when the kiss happens.”

“That...t-that sounds nice.”

The Host smiled a bit. Then he moved closer to Eric and cupped his face with one hand. And finally, finally, he gave him a slow, gentle kiss on the lips.

He’d never known why authors used the description of fireworks going off to describe the feeling of a kiss, but now that it was happening to him, he was beginning to understand it. The butterflies that had been in his stomach had all flown away, leaving a fiery, almost overwhelming feeling of happiness. When Eric moved to wrap his arms around The Host and pull him closer, he couldn’t think properly. all he saw in his mind were bursts of dazzling color.

Eric felt exactly the same as Host did. It was finally happening, everything that he had been imagining for the past months was finally happening! He could barely process it all.

Host and Eric pulled away from their kiss eventually, but they stayed in their embrace. Eric rested his head against Hosts shoulder, and hestayed like that until he was nearly asleep. Host laid him down on the bed and made to leave for his own room, but Eric grabbed his hand and tugged him back.

“Stay...?”

Host couldnt say no to Eric’s big puppy dog eyes. So he took off his trenchcoat and laid down next to him, then curled up around him.

Eric barely had time to mumble a goodnight before he was asleep. Host sighed, hugging the smaller man so that he would be secure. He kissed Eric on the forehead, then he too drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

[brianandthemays]

Marry You (Roger Taylor x reader)

A/N I highly recommend listening to “Marry You” by Bruno Mars cause that’s def what inspired this.

Warnings: UMMM, fluff, slight mention of sex I guess. 

Word Count: 1950 

_______________________________________________

Marriage, something meant for other couples. But not you and Roger. Not that you hadn’t dreamt of getting married to Roger, he just didn’t seem the type. You found yourself thinking about marriage that afternoon, staring at him as he read a book in your living room.

 The sun was hitting his hair perfectly, and his glasses had fallen to the end of his nose giving him cute librarian vibes. You thought about how it would feel to see him reading bed time stories to kids you had together. You rested your chin on your palm as you watched him in the sun light.

             “What are you looking at?” he mumbled, not looking up from his book.

             “Nothing.” You sigh, not looking away from him. He looked over at you with a smirked. When he turned towards you, his back was to the window and the sun created a halo around his hair, his eyes were a darker blue than usual and he took your breath away yet again. But you just smiled at him knowing that, for the time being, this man was all yours and nothing could stop that. “Let’s go out tonight.” You insist, not taking your eyes off his. He raises his eyebrows at your suggestion before nodding at you.

             “Okay.” He said simply, turning back to his book. You grumbled when he turned away from you, the book stealing his attention away from you once again. He knew it drove you mad when he ignored you or brushed you off. Taking matters into your own hands you walk over to his chair and stand in front of him. He glanced up at you, a cheeky smile on his lips “Can I help you, love?”

 You narrowed your eyes at him and plucked the book from his hand. Careful not to lose his place, you place to book down on the counter next to the chair and curled yourself up in his lap. He chuckled deeply, wrapping an arm around your back to keep you from slipping, the other coming to rest on your knee. He rubbed circles into the skin there as you rested your head on his chest.

             “Do you ever think about us, Rog?” you ask taking a deep breath of his scent.

             “Course I do, I’m thinking about us right now.” He replied simply, not getting the depth of your question. You sighed, deciding not to push the question further for fear of the answer. Right now, you closed your eyes and just savored the close proximity and the arm firmly wrapped around you back. You didn’t realize that he had been staring at you the entire time, looking at how your hair perfectly fell into place to frame your face, or how you lifted up and down with his own breath, falling into sync with your own small breaths.

 Later that night, you were putting in earrings to finish off your outfit for that night. Just a simple dress with some wedges, easier to dance in.

           “Beautiful as always, love.” Roger’s voice from the doorway made you look up. In the reflection you could see him leaning against the frame, watching you finish your get up. He smirked and came to wrap his arms around you, placing a kiss to the side of your neck.

             “Thanks, Rog.” You say softly, feeling butterflies in your stomach. He smiled, resting his head on your shoulder. “You ready?” you ask. He nodded, placing one more kiss on your shoulder before taking your hand and dragging you out the door.

 It wasn’t long before you found a bar to go to and you both had a drink in your hand. For some reason, Roger couldn’t keep his eyes off you. As you rambled about something to do with work, he found himself entranced by your voice and your wild hand movements. You stopped when the jukebox finally turned on a song, and you let out a little screech.

             “ROG! I love this song! Come dance with me!” You say setting down your drink and grabbing his hand. He sputtered as some of his drink spilt as he rushed to set it down before you dragged him off. He found himself in the middle of the dance floor watching you as you danced. You had a giant smile on your face as you sashayed your hips and threw your hands in the air and suddenly, he couldn’t hear or see anything other than you. His chest tightened and a pit formed in his stomach. You finally looked back over at him and say the lazy smile planted on his face and you nudged him.

             “What’s up with you?” You giggle, not stopping your movement.

             “I think I want to marry you.” He said nonchalantly. You stopped and your eyes snapped towards him.

             “What?” you reply, your voice barely audible over the music.

             “I mean it, I want to marry you right now.” He grabbed your hands and looked directly in your eyes. Your mouth dropped when you realized he was serious. He squeezed your hands and dragged you with him off the dance floor so you could hear him better. “I know a chapel just down the street. I’ll go buy rings if you want, I just want you to be mine.”

 You didn’t know what to say or do. Everything you ever wanted was happening right now. You took deep breaths as you processed everything he was saying. He wanted to marry you. He wanted to take you to a chapel right now and marry you.

             “Say something, baby.” He begged, his eyes searching yours for some response. Your mouth twitched and you felt the corners twist up, as you came to grips with the reality of the situation. You looked up at him finally and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep passionate kiss. He sighed in relief against your lips and reciprocated immediately.

             “What are we waiting for?” You murmur against his lips. He smiled wildly at you and ran out the door with your hand in yours.

You stopped first at a ring shop near the bar. He made you wait outside as he looked for the perfect ring. It wasn’t 15 minutes later he walked out with a velvet case and another smaller bag.

             “I wanted to do this a little more officially.” He laughed. He got down on one knee and your heart froze in time. This picture, of Roger on one knee asking you to marry him, was on you never thought you would see. “You are the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. (Y/N) (L/N), will you marry me.”

 You couldn’t contain your giggle of happiness as you nodded “Yes, you dolt!”. He hopped up and slid the ring on your finger. It was beautiful. His finger lingered on yours as he drew a circle around the ring. “I thought it looked like you.” He explained, looking at you “it’s bright, and elegant, and perfect.”

 Though you were standing on the side of the road, in the middle of the night, you couldn’t think of anything more romantic. You cup his face and place another passionate kiss on his lips. “Well, let’s go get married.” He smirked and dragged you down the street.

 Just an hour later, you were married. Two hours later, you were laying bed with your husband. Naked under the sheets you ran your finger up and down his chest. He had one arm wrapped around your shoulders, holding you to his chest, the other held a cigarette to his lips.

             “What made you want to marry me.” You ask resting your hand and craning your neck to look up at him. He removed the cigarette and looked down at you, a faint smile on his lips.  “Cos’ your so… unique… and perfect, and so… you.” He said simply “and I knew that if I didn’t marry you right then, I would lose you.”

 You propped yourself up on your elbow to look down at him. “You could never lose me.” You murmur, brushing his lips with your fingers. He lightly grabbed your hands and pressed a kiss to each of your fingers individually before pressing a kiss to your wedding ring. He chuckled softly, and you cocked your head at him. “What’s so funn?”

             “Fred’s going to lose his mind when he realizes he got married without telling him”

  __________________________________________________

+bonus

 The next week you joined Roger at the studio, sitting on the couch quiet watching Roger on his drums. John was sitting next to you on the couch and Brian in a chair next to Fred near the sound board. You had brought a book but had long since abandoned it, keeping your hand in to keep it open while you watched him. For just a slight moment, John glanced down at your book, just to see what you were reading but his eye widened when he saw your finger.  You noticed John’s small gasp and looked over to see him wide eyed.

             “what’s gotten into you?” You whisper, trying not to disturb the recording. He scoffed and looked at your finger again. Finally, you realized what he was looking at and blushed.

             “Since when are you” married?” he said rather loudly. You shush him quickly, but he caught the attention of Brian and Fred as soon as he said the word married.

             “Married!?” Fred exclaimed forgetting all about the drum solo he was recording “Of course not, don’t be silly.”  He narrowed his eyes at you as you let out a sigh and send a glare at John. He shrugged unabashedly and raised his eyebrows still waiting for an explanation.

             “What’s going on in there?” Roger’s voice came in over the speaker. He had stopped playing when he noticed that Brian and Freddie had stopped watching.  Brian clicked the button and said “Your girlfriend’s gotten married, it seems”

 Roger let out a loud laugh and made eye contact with you. He leaned back on his chair and motioned for you to explain.  You made a sour face at him before turning your attention back to the other three boys around me.

             “Well, Rog and I got married last week.” You shrug and hold up your hand for them to see. Fred’s mouth opened and Brian just smirked as Deaky let out a short laugh.

             “You’ve been married for a full week and you didn’t bother to tell any of us?” Brian reasoned.

             “Forget telling us, why wasn’t I invited to the wedding?” Fred demanded grabbing your hand to look at the ring.

             “Fred, I think we all would have wanted to be invited.” Deaky pointed out. Fred shrugged him off and continued his ogling.

             “well, it was sort of spur of the moment, to be honest.” You explained pulling your hand back from Fred.

             “I’m going to have a heart attack.” Fred responded grabbing onto the side of his chair to stabilize himself “‘spur of the moment’ please don’t tell me you were drunk.”

             “Light buzz at the most” you defended.

             “I can’t believe this, my to best friends-”

             “Hey!” Brian interrupted.

           “My two best friends got married and I found out a week later.” Fred continued ignoring him.  

             “Aw, don’t feel to bad, Fred.” You began but Freddie just turned around and clicked the button.

             “You’re both dead to me.” He concluded. You just chuckled and looked at Roger who was also smiling at you. You were sure you weren’t going to hear the end of this for a long time, but you knew you could handle it if you were with Roger.

[moeruhoshi]

Valentine’s Day ❤️

Lucy was nervous for this Valentine’s Day, mostly because her boyfriend never understood the holiday. She only expected him to give her a box of chocolates their first year together, the idiot instead showing up with a ring worth twice the guild’s income.

“But don’t you like pretty things, Luce? I thought the pink suits you,” His puppy dog frown breaking the strength she tried to hold when denying the gift.

“It’s just...it’s so expensive, Natsu...I really don’t need something this amazing...I don’t want you spending so much on me.” She sighed, gazing at the thick, heart-shaped rock on her right hand, much too nervous to allow it on the left.

“It’s okay once in a while, right? I saved up so I could spoil you, please tell me you love it,” Her cheeks flushed brightly at his words; well, she had always wanted to be spoiled...

“Of course I do! But I mean it, I really don’t want you spending so much on one gift again.”

“Aye, sir!”

The next year was much sweeter, at least the idea of it had began sweetly. She arrived at his house, dressed up and made up for their dinner Natsu had said he was going to prepare her a meal Mira had taught him to make. But before she could even knock, the pink haired dragon slayer was busting down his own door and tackling her to the ground.

“It’s gonna blow!” He shouted, Lucy cringing as she heard the pot or oven go haywire followed by its explosion.

Natsu put out the fire and turned back to the dirt-covered girl with a sheepish grin, the celestial mage grabbing and tugging him back to her apartment. The ending was well enough, she made them a spaghetti dinner and they cuddled while watching her favorite movies, she couldn’t have asked for much more.

The year after that, Lucy was pleasantly surprised to recieve a small box as her gift, Natsu’s feet anxiously shuffling as she opened it. Inside were three little chocolates, in what shape must have attempted to mimic a heart.

“I-I know it’s not a lot! But they’re the only ones that came out good enough to eat,” Her heart soared at his embarrassed face, watching as he tried to hide away in his scarf. “Happy Valentines Day...”

“You’re so sweet, Natsu,” She held the box lovingly to her chest, biting her bottom lip as she stared coyly into his eyes.

“Woah, woah, if I knew chocolates were gonna give you that kind of face, I would’ve made them years ago!”

The fourth year was amazing, was it clear at this point Lucy did not hold very high standards for her Valentines gifts? But she always loved to see what crazy thing he had cooked up next.

Lucy was worried this year Natsu wouldn’t make it on time, since he had taken a job at the beginning of the week with Gray and either had yet to be seen walking through the guild doors. Both she and Juvia finally sent themselves home when the sun had gone down and neither had returned, a lonely valentines night set before them.

It was quite surprising to see so many candles lit and standing on every free corner of her furniture, roses by the ton filling her apartment and bordering a path leading to her room. Her charmed heart was quickly snatched as she blanched at the sight on her bed, Natsu holding a rose between his lips and a box of chocolate held in front of his bare self.

“Who in the world taught you how to do something like this?” She placed a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow as Natsu grinned delightfully.

“Hibiki! We ran into him on our way back, he said girls really like this kind of thing,”

“Well, I do love the flowers.” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “But please, put your clothes back on.”

But this fifth and present year, Lucy felt antsy. She wanted to get back to their home, to see whatever Natsu had prepared. She knew it wasn’t a coincidence when Cana suddenly dragged her out for a girls day in town. The brunette never liked going to the spa or shopping on a day she knew bars were charging cheap for single girls. She went ahead and bought a lingerie set that the clerk insisted matched her skin tone very well, ignoring the looks Cana gave her when they left.

“I’m not going to be surprised when you’re watermelon plump in nine months,” She snickered as the blonde whipped her a glare. It wasn’t soon after that the card mage was sending her back to her house in the woods, having moved in with Natsu some time last Christmas. That day was one to remember, when they had finally finished emptying her apartment only for Natsu to have such a hard time leaving the smell she had attached to the walls. But his compromise was the promise of Lucy’s bed she was happy to share with him in their own home.

“Natsu, I’m home!” She called as she walked in, heart thumping wildly for this anticipated gift. There weren’t any smells of cooking, which he had been not long ago banned from. No giant bushel of roses or peonies, not a giant stuffed bear or box of chocolate in sight.

“Go wait in the bedroom!” The slayer called from his hiding place, Lucy rolling her eyes as she walked into said room. He better not have gotten more advice from those shitty Blue Pegasus boys.

She calmly set aside her newly bought items before taking a seat at the edge of her bed, awaiting the presence of her dragon boyfriend. The door slowly creaked open and thankfully the pink haired boy was still dressed, in his causal pants and vest, scarf rightfully in its place. She grinned as he hid his hands behind his back, praying to the first master in hopes whatever he hid wouldn’t be something that could potentially harm her health.

“Close your eyes,” He whispered as he stood in front of her, Lucy following his orders and shut them tight. She could feel his hands come around and clasp something together, a weightless jewel falling upon her chest. Opening her eyes, she gasped at the sight of a perfectly shaped pink heart, diamond or quartz, she wasn’t sure. The chain around was gold, real gold, she’d know it in an instant compared to its cheaper copy.

“Oh, Natsu...” It matched the ring she only wore when they were off jobs, afraid to lose it in battle. “It’s too much...”

“Not this time! You told me not to spend too much again, so I made this myself. Metal-head helped a little but I did most of the work,” He puffed his chest proudly as she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Where in the world did you get materials?! This should have cost a fortune!”

“Never underestimate a dragon’s nose, Lucy! You can find that stuff easy with a little digging. And it’s easy to mold with a little heat and pressure. I got Yukino to borrow Libra while they were passing through town.”

“You’re amazing!” Her laugh was breathless as she quickly jumped up to give him a hug. Natsu chuckled as he held her back, burying his nose against the crook of her neck. “Thank you so much,”

“My pleasure, Luce. Can’t have my girl walkin’ around like she ain’t my princess, hm?” She rolled her eyes and graciously kissed his cheek, Natsu reciprocating until their lips came together.

“Wait one second, okay? I bought something really cute for tonight.” Lucy giggled as she pulled away, pink haired boy whining as he fell to the bed, waiting for her return from the bathroom.

[eryiss]

Freed Justine Weekend - Day 1

So, it’s Freed Justine Weekend again. I couldnt think of anything to write for a full one-shot, so instead i decided to write some drabbles based on the prompts by @freedjustineappreciation on the announcment post. 

I’ll upload half today and half tomrrow. Today’s will be more lighthearted, while tomorrow’s will be a little darker and have more Freed-The-Dark moments. 

Guild Mark

Surrounded by a circle of runes, the magic energy around him creating a wind that filled the cathedral, Freed found himself pushed to his limited. The barrier surrounding Magnolia was strong, designed to withstand any attack that was put against it, and maintaining such a powerful, unbreakable enchantment was draining Freed’s magic faster than he had expected.

He could hold out, but not indefinitely. His knowledge of his opponent was limited, but he knew they were strong enough to attack again. Freed needed to keep his enchantment up until a time where that risk was gone. Releasing the barrier for even a second could give their enemies their opening.

The safety of everyone in Magnolia rested with him.

With a hardened expression, he cast his eyes to the cold floor and flowed as much magic as he could into the casting circle. He closed his eyes, not allowing anything to distract himf from maintaining his enchantment. His right iris burned as he shifted the magic usually used for his Dark Écriture into Jutsu Shiki.

Releasing a breath, he allowed his eyes to open as he tried to keep a consistent stream of magic flowing into the runes. It was getting harder and harder to maintain. He was getting weaker and weaker, and found his resilience failing.

His gaze settled on his right hand.

Across it laid the mark of his guild. The curving shape that personified the ideals of Fairy Tail. The morals that stated you should never give up, that you should never judge those without first giving them hope, that you should always forgive those who are worthy. The small mark that perfectly encapsulated his family, his life and his existence.

But to him the mark was more than that. It was a promise.

A constant reminder of what he was now. All his power, all his strength, was to be accredited to Fairy Tail. They had raised him, helped him, and had forgiven him for his past tresspasses. The mark on his hand maintained his morality, reminded him of the kindness showed to him by his family. By keeping this mark on his hand, he was promising to reciprocate the mercy he had been shown.

His guild was in danger, and he was the main line of defence. If he needed to burn through every last scarp of magical energy to keep them safe, then he would do so. He knew they would do the same for him.

Placing both hands on the cold floor of Magnolia Cathedral – the stage of his previous betrayal of his guild – he channelled every bit of magic he could into his runes. The barrier, which has shrunk slightly in his doubt, grew out and managed to cover every inch of his hometown. The barrier was immovable, impenetrable, and was going to keep them safe.

Then came the next attack. It was vicious.

The barrage of opposing magic fought against his shied, making his grit his teeth as the small dents made were replaced by more of his energy. He looked to the ground, keeping his gaze on his guild mark so that he could be reminded of his promise.

Through gritted teeth, he fought through the onslaught and managed to keep his enchantment strong. He was panting heavily as he tried to recover from the sudden loss of magic energy. His head dropped and his grip on the stone floor lessened slightly, allowing himself a slight respite as he knew that, if another attack was coming, it would at least take the enemy mage some time to recuperate.

After he felt his magic coming back to him, a determined expression crossed his face. He sent a pulse of energy into the runes, widening the coverage of the barrier and making it slightly thicker for better protection.

He knew that the enemy would be watching from their ship. He expected that they would see the advancement of the barrier. He hoped the meaning of the action was clear.

Not my fucking family.

Bonds Within The guild

“Wendy, may I speak with you for a moment.”

The fourteen-year-old girl looked up at the mention of her name, seeing Freed standing by the table she was sitting at. A small, cone-shaped hat was attached to her head, and the remanence of wrapping paper scattered across the table. Her birthday party was nearing its end, with the large cake all but eaten on the bar top, both guildmates and friends talking to one another, and a large stack of presents waiting beside the door.

She nodded, excusing herself from the table and slowly following Freed throughout the guildhall. Faltering a little at the spiral staircase that lead to the S-Class only balcony, the small smile from the rune gave her the confidence to follow him. She silently noted how different the guildhall looked form above.

Freed guided her towards a table at the edge of the balcony, which was usually reserved for Laxus and The Raijinshuu. Today, however, it was empty. After Freed motioned for Wendy to take a seat, she did so. Freed followed suit, sitting opposite her.

“Is something wrong, Freed?” She asked, a little concerned as to why he wanted to speak to her.

“Not at all,” Freed assured, smiling. “I just wanted some privacy so that I could give you your gift from the Raijinshuu, nothing more.”

Wendy frowned a little. She had already gotten gifts from Freed, Evergreen and Bickslow individually. Good gifts, too. Freed had gifted her a first edition of a book she had loved when she lived in Cait Shelter. She had seen the very same edition over half a year ago when she was on a mission with Freed and Laxus, and had only mentioned her fondness for it in passing. He must have returned to the store, brought it despite the high price, and kept it hidden until her birthday.

“You don’t need to do that,” She assured him. “What you’ve already given me is more than enough.”

“Please, I insist,” Freed smiled, pulling a small piece of paper from his coat pocket. “Although, I feel I should clarify, this is more of an offer than a gift, really.”

After Freed placed the paper on the table, Wendy pulled it towards herself and looked over it. It was a contract, similar to the one that she had signed when she had entered the guild, only a little different. She frowned, pausing a little when she sure what the contract was called: Additional Team Member Request Form.

“You-you want me to join your team?” She asked, a little shocked.

It wasn’t a ridiculous notion. She had gravitated towards the Raijinshuu almost naturally. After going on missions with Freed and Bickslow which had both gone well, Makarov suggested that she try and go on a mission with the team as a whole. He had claimed that it would help her as she could try harder missions, which would push her, and it would also help in making The Raijinshuu more social in the guild; looking back, they really could be anti-social at times.

After the first mission had gone well, she went on another. Then another. It got to the point where most missions they went on, Wendy was given the option to come with them. When Laxus had returned from an S-Class mission that had taken him from the guild for an extended period of time, he didn’t seem to care about her joining on their missions without being part of the team. He then revealed that he did the same thing.

So, although it was an odd fit, it was natural. It was now common knowledge that Wendy went on missions with The Raijinshuu sometimes. Nobody cared, that was just the way things had turned out.

“As I said, it’s an offer so don’t feel forced into it,” Freed smiled. “But you’ve joined the Raijinshuu on many missions over the last year or two, and you work very well with us. And, to be candid, we are all very fond of you, and would love it if you would consider being a permanent member of the team.”

“A-are you sure?” She asked, still looking at the contract. Freed’s team had known each other for a long time, she didn’t want to impose.

“We wouldn’t offer if we weren’t,” Freed assured, making Wendy relax a little. “And don’t worry, we know you’re close with more people in the guild than just us, and you don’t exclusive do missions with us. That certainly wont have to change, and we’ll never insist you cut ties with people on our account. And of course, Carla will also join if you so wish.”

Wendy waited for a moment. “You really want me in your team?”

“it would be an honour, Ms Marvell.”

The sound of a chair being pushed back and falling against the railing made some members of the guild look up. They were given the sight of Wendy rushing around the table, wrapping her arms around Freed’s torso in a hug and burying her face in his shoulder.

“Thank you,” She mumbled, her voice quivering a little.

“No thanks are needed,” Freed smiled, patting her head somewhat awkwardly. “Welcome to the team.”

Sense of Humour

It was possible that this entire situation was getting out of hand.

Somehow, a conversation about the laughs of guildmembers had arisen. It had become apparent that nobody could remember quite what Freed’s voice actually sounded like; vague ideas were tossed about, but nothing solid. To quell their confusion, the group of mages had spent the next hour trying to make the rune-mage laugh, but to no avail. A regular person would have given up there, but Fairy Tail mages were not regular people.

So, two days after the realisation Freed’s laughter was a mystery to most of the guild, a comedy night had been arranged in the guildhall; nobody was quite sure how. Almost every mage knew the real purpose, to do something that would make Freed laugh, revealing both what the laugh sounded like and what could cause it.

But the night was nearly over. He had not yet laughed.

Many people had tried and failed, and it had become more of a competition as to who could achieve this seemingly unattainable goal. Anybodybut his team, Laxus and other people he was close to were allowed to participate; they knew him too well for it to be fair.

Currently Natsu was standing on the small stage, performing a totally kick-ass comedy routine where he was revealing the blackmail he had on Gray to the guild – a hilarious routine despite the average at best reception. He was the last act and, as Freed had yet to do any more than a light chuckle, it was all up to him. The only problem was, a picture perfect description of Gray falling down a hill and landing face first in a particularly dirty lake wasn’t funny to Freed.

He was too good for slapstick, apparently.

The dragon slayer was getting desperate now, resulting to making up stories – ignoring the shouts from Gray about their falseness – and still getting nowhere. The five minutes of stage time he was permitted was quickly close to ending, and he would be damned if he lost. So he did the first thing that came to mind.

Grabbed a tankard of beer and threw it over himself… for some reason.

Not his best plan really.

The gathered crowd of mages looked at Natsu with confusion, an awkward silence crossing them all. Nobody seemed to understand what the fire-mage thought would happen; the evening had clearly proven that stories of slapstick weren’t Freed’s preferred form of comedy, so why he thought that a live version of it – and a pretty crappy one at that – would work didn’t make any sense. Natsu blushed a little at the eyes on him.

And then somebody laughed. A deep, somewhat velvety laugh that echoed throughout the guildhall, coming from a table at the back. All eyes slowly turned to the source, not quite believing their ears until they saw it. Freed was laughing. At Natsu. Who had just drenched himself in beer.

“Are you kidding me?” Cana eventually broke the silence. “That’s what gets you? Seriously?”

More members of the crowd joined in, claiming that they had put time into their own comedy routine and that they were much funnier than Natsu; to which Natsu yelled back and said that they were all just jealous because he had done the impossible and they hadn’t. This simply made Freed laugh louder and harder.

“I’m afraid it’s not you making me laugh, Natsu,” Freed chuckled a little, his laughter dying down. “Did you honestly think I didn’t know what you were all doing?”

Again, the room fell to silence. Honestly, the thought of Freed knowing what was happening hadn’t occurred to anyone. They had been sure not to discuss the comedy night’s true purpose when he was around, and had thought that they had gotten away with it easily. Looking towards Freed, with the smugness radiating from the man practically filling the room, it was obvious that their confidence was misplaced.

“This guild is filed with gossips, constant yelling and people with enhanced hearing. You honestly thought I wouldn’t find out?” Freed continued to chuckle.

“So, all night, you’ve just been forcing yourself not to laugh, so we’d make idiots of ourselves?” Gray asked.

“Yes; for the shows I enjoyed at least,” Freed smirked, standing up with a grin. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe your acts are completed. Thank you for a wonderful night.”

Everyone watched as Freed slowly walked to the door, realising that they had clearly been played by the rune mage. Some people were annoyed – particularly Gray, who’s secrets wouldn’t have been revealed by Natsu if this didn’t happen – while some people found the entire situation equal parts funny and ridiculous.

Just as Freed placed a hand on the door, he looked back to see most of the guild were still watching him intently. He smirked a little at his audience, deciding he could have a little more fun with them. He turned around fully and addressed his guildmates.

“I should say, one of you really did get me. I had to put a rune on myself to stop the laughter,” He informed. “I’ll let you figure out who it was.”

And with that, he left. A chorus of shouting, claiming ownership of the laughter and all around chaos followed him.

[lacktastrophe]

I do feel bad for paulo that Lucy used him in a way. Especially considering Jess and Rachel did the same thing. But paulo still continued to screw around with Rachel. So when he told lucy he waited for her it kinda is irritated me because all the while waiting for Lucy he was fucking Rachel. As a female I personally wouldn't considered that waiting for me. What really bug me though was that paulo and Jasmine were great. Yet he breaks up with her and then screws Lucy. What do u think?

Maaaan I can't think of an easy 10 minute response that gives an answer on all points to this, but funny story; I was speaking with bramble last night about a realisation related to Rachel and Paulo's relationship. Volume 5 has a bonus chapter called Afterglow which gives a bit of a look into Rachel and Paulo's FWB relationship. There's a moment when Rachel gives off the hint she's technically using it to try and get him to fall in love with her, which causes Paulo to freak out because he was under the belief she just wanted to do it for fun.

This is a real complex situation.

Even here Paulo's in firm belief he's in love with Lucy, and he does appear to want to save himself for Lucy. Rachel has fallen in love with Paulo but as we can see here, he doesn't reciprocate her feelings.

So why is he having casual sex with Rachel, he knows right?

Has he been convinced there isn't a problem?

Throughout the comic we've seen Paulo is so impressionable and liable to allow girls to control him, has he been convinced to think this FWB-relationship isn't a big deal - from her? She's deceived him with the act as can be seen in the chapter, hoping he'll eventually fall for her like she describes. So, has Paulo been convinced that casual-sex doesn't count towards infidelity? It might explain why he is freaking out by the end; It actually seems to matters to him, there's only one kind of sex and there's a moment when he realises he's been used just like the last time. But Rachel calms him down telling him she meant nothing. But she's sad when she's by herself at the end; she's guilty for leading Paulo on.

I tend to think this is why there isn't a fight from her when Lucy comes back. What she's been doing is damaging to him. She puts an end to the FWB part of their friendship before it does something awful to his relationship with Lucy.

Might explain why he appeared clueless when Madison got stuck into him.

I feel Paulo's love for Lucy is real and always has been. He just had such a bad method of expressing himself. As much as I liked PauloxJasmine as well, it was built on a mistake; Paulo was going around being all hyper-masculine and getting into trouble. But that relationship was eventual of the kind of person Paulo could be.

We should feel sympathetic towards Paulo because he's so eager to please people he ends up coming out worse off by the end. It's a shame he couldnt retain the same behaviour he did back in Another shoulder where he said 'no'.

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 3

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Little Wolf”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,257

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of character death, survivors guilt.

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: Once again, ya’ll are amazing. Thank you so much for reading. If there’s something you like or don’t like, let me know. I always look forward to compliments or constructive criticism <3

Tagged: @teddyboobear (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

Our hands brushed against each other’s as we laid in the cool grass that had been shielded from much of the sunlight during the day thanks to the trees that stood almost as tall as the pillars in the throne room. The blades of grass seemingly sang to us as they brushed against each other with as much delicacy as my hand against his. As I craned my neck to the side, ignoring the stars in the night sky for a moment, I gazed into the eyes of the brightest star of them all. Loki. I didn’t know how long he had been staring at me, but it had been long enough for my face to flush with color. His lips pulled up into a cheeky grin, and I was reminded of a time when we were children. It was seldom that we didn’t watch the stars with each other at night.

When we were children, we both watched the stars together. As we grew up, we found ourselves watching each other more often than not. I loved watching him as he gazed up at the stars, amazement overcoming his features. To those who didn’t know him the way I did, Loki was cold and logical. I saw a different man. He was poetic and sensitive. He was beautiful and warm. In that moment, he looked at me the same way he used to look at the stars, with a burning question in his eyes that said, “how was something so perfect created from nothing at all?” And that was why I became bashful.

For a moment, we laid in complete silence just staring at each other. What started as a night of appreciating the beauty that nature had to offer was quickly turning into something so much more than that. When he noticed the glint of reluctance in my eyes, he silenced every doubt with a look of mischief and thrill as he intertwined our fingers. At the time, I was sure it was to cause me some sort of discomfort or to fuel the fire of embarrassment. However, it was because he wanted to feel me the same way I wanted to feel him. As those slender fingers intertwined with mine, I felt myself pushing my body closer to his, leaving almost no space between the God of Mischief and myself.

A piece of me tried to pass off the gesture as something much more innocent than what my own mind was trying to conjure up, but an even larger piece of me knew that this was the start of something I didn’t know if I was ready for. I didn’t know if I wanted to risk the relationship I had with my best friend for something that felt so trivial at the time. However, I could no longer fight off feelings that had been present since the very beginning. We had already pushed the boundaries too far on nights we were feeling unstoppable, and they were some of the best nights of my life. As he held my hand in his own, I tested the waters by giving it a gentle squeeze, seeing that the effect was a playful grin from him. The mischief melted away from his eyes, and he radiated the warmth and compassion I knew him for.

He rolled over onto his side, and I followed him, completely in sync with his motions. Our hands stayed connected and continued to rest in the grass. His other hand reached up to brush the stray strands of hair from my face as he gently caressed my cheek with every motion. His touch was featherlight and filled with tenderness and love. I leaned into his touch and reached up to rest my free hand against his cheek. My fingers danced along the soft skin beneath the tips of my fingers. I took note of his sharp jawline, his chiseled cheekbones, and every dip and angle in his perfect face. Each feature was burned into my memory from the countless years admiring him and touching him. There was only a single patch of his skin that my fingers hadn’t already travelled, and I was certain that the day would someday come for that as well.

“You are so beautiful, my lady,” he finally spoke, a voice that felt like velvet as the warmth of his breath cascaded across my face. He drew even closer to me as his eyes flickered over my face to see that my cheeks burned with diffidence. He knew what his words did to me, but he couldn’t help himself. I could feel that he was speaking his truth when words of praise spilled from his lips for me. I knew that he told me no lies, but I still felt like I was undeserving of his admiration. To me, no one would ever be deserving of something so pure from him, for he was the closest to perfect one could get. I wanted to keep him pure and unscathed, which was why I protected him. Maybe that was why he also protected me.

The sides of my lips tugged up into a shy smile, “you cannot admire the stars if your eyes are on me.”

He chuckled, “you act as if you don’t already know,” he spoke, pressing his forehead against my own. It was something he did often when we were alone. The closeness allowed me to breathe in the scent of him. He smelled of the breeze when it rolled through the forest, carrying the smell of nature with it. He smelled like life, which had no particular scent but freshness. I couldn’t help but close my eyes and smile as I felt our energies bleeding into one another. I nuzzled my face even closer to his, our noses grazing against each others. Sensing that there was still space left, he tilted his head ever so slightly to bring our faces impossibly closer.

When I realized what we were doing, I spoke, “what of the stars, Loki?” I asked, reminding him that his attention should not be wasted on me. Still, I didn’t move from my position, feeling alive once more as he held me.

I could feel the smirk on his lips before he spoke, “I care not of the stars when I look at you for you are brighter and far more beautiful than they could ever hope to be,” he said, causing my heart to swell with joy. His voice lowered as his lips brushed against mine, sending a current through my body, “besides, I have no great love for the stars, not like the love I have for you,” he murmured before pressing his lips to mine, allowing me no time to respond; however, as soon as his lips met mine, I didn’t care about anything else but him. His kiss was gentle, like the water lapping at your feet or the breeze in your hair on a warm night. It had not been the first time he kissed me. We began our love affair-if one could call it that-when we were still young. It was when we were no longer in our childhood, but we weren't quite adults yet. We were in the strange process of discovering our place in the world, and in the meantime, we discovered each other. I always figured that Loki just needed time to realize that he could have someone far greater than me, someone with a name and something more to give.

As our lips danced with each others-slow and steady, like our relationship-I heard him. I heard the thudding of his heart and realized that he was nervous about initiating the kiss, like he always was. I heard a gentle groan that was born deep within his chest. I heard the fluttering of his eyelashes, like the wings of a butterfly, and I realized that he couldn't keep his eyes closed. Instead, he opened them every so often and checked to make sure that he was not just imagining this. I only heard him. I only felt him. It was just the two of us in our own beautiful moment, and I realized that I was waiting for something that would not happen. I was waiting for Loki to figure out that he didn't want me, that he could do so much better, but I knew that the moment he left me, the moment he forsook me, would never come. I didn't know what I did to deserve a love so beautiful and so sweet, but I had him, and I was going to enjoy what time we had together because I loved him.

With the sudden realization that my feelings were reciprocated, my heart swelled with joy, and a lump rose in my throat. I pulled away from the soft and sweet kisses and opened my eyes, allowing the tears to form without feeling embarrassed about them. For so long, I was sure that the only love I would know was the love I had to give, but I never thought I could know a love so strong and so pure that was all for me. As those blue eyes fluttered open, they met mine with fear that he had done something wrong or that he had hurt me in some way. When he saw the tears in my eyes, his eyebrows furrowed, “oh, Eva, did I hurt you? I didn’t mean to. What happened?” he asked, frantically trying to figure out what was wrong.

I could only smile in response to his distress, laughing at how quick he was to assume that he had done something wrong. Even though it hurt to know that he thought of himself as a monster who could only bring suffering and pain into the lives of others, I couldn’t help but feel special in that he wanted to preserve me. Finally, words found me once more, and I said the words to him that he had said to me for years. I gazed into his eyes as the universe fell into place, “I love you, Loki. I have always loved you,” I professed in a voice low enough that not even the trees could hear. I wanted to shout my love for him from the highest mountain, but I wanted the beginning of-what would be-our whirlwind love story to be sacred between just us.

He was left speechless for a moment, but his disbelief faded slightly as tears of joy filled his eyes, “I love you, Eva.”

I smiled up at him, “I love you more,” I whispered, pressing a featherlight kiss to his lips.

It was the first time I told Loki I loved him, and it was the first time I saw him cry. It was the beginning of the centuries we would spend together before the fall.

*End of Flashback*

Heimdall’s deep voice brought me back to the present, “you think not of Hjalmar but of Loki. His darkness plagues you still,” he said, orange eyes staring out into the vast universe. He always seemed to be contemplating something, but at the same time, he was without all judgement. His dark skin glowed brighter than the golden armor upon him. He had the beauty of every warrior before him, but what made him more beautiful than so many was the way he viewed life. He believed that life was to be preserved no matter what, and it was our shared belief that drew us closer together. Just as I was about to argue with him, he spoke again, “you have visited me more times than anyone in Asgard. You have spoken my name more than the Allfather himself. You have spent more time looking out across the vast Universe with me than Thor, himself, a man whose love for the stars has always been insatiable. You have entrusted me more of your deepest and most personal secrets than the queen, a goddess who often stared across the universe with me while filling my ear with details of her life that almost no one else knew. All this, yet you do not think I can see right through you,” he remarked, stoically and without so much as a glance.

My eyes lowered as I processed his words. It was true. Heimdall had been one of the few people who could read me like an open book. He knew my every thought and feeling before it even occurred. It was worthless to attempt to hide anything from him, especially the truth, “I miss Hjalmar, but...I cannot bring him back to me no matter what I do. I cannot right the wrongs that led to his death. I do still feel like there is something to be done about Loki. I still feel like I can bring him back to me, which would right so many of the wrongs in my life. The memory of Hjalmar haunts me still, but I’m trying to focus my mind on something that I can fix,” I explained, gazing up at the strong features of the gatekeeper.

The sides of his mouth twisted into the subtlest grin I had ever seen, but it was still there, “what you fail to realize is that death is not something that requires fixing. You do not lack the ability to fix death because it is just as much a part of life as living,” he stated, finally peeling his steely gaze away from the universe and focusing it on me. When I gazed up into those bright and burning eyes, I was overwhelmed by the beauty in them. He had seen so much beauty and so much pain, and I witnessed all of it every time we locked eyes. He continued, “I can still see him, and he misses you more than you know. He misses you with the same intensity as you miss him. He waits patiently for you, though, because he knows that it is not your time to reunite with him just yet. While he yearns for your company, you should see his joy. He has been reunited with his family, and when you meet your heroes end, you will be reunited with him as well. This doesn’t mean you should ignore your blessings while you are still among the living, though,” he explained, hinting at the one thing that I had not brought up, the one thing I refused to call attention to.

I still had not been home to see Aaldir. I had not mourned the death of Hjalmar with him, and instead, I forced him to mourn alone. I could not face him, knowing that it should have been me. Hjalmar was the only son he ever knew, and I knew that Aaldir would be devastated. I just didn’t know how to go home after this. I stared back out into the dazzling universe, desperately wanting to change the subject, “how are they?” I asked, knowing that Heimdall would understand my vague question.

“They are all in stable condition,” he answered as I felt his gaze shift from me and back out to the stars. It was as if he was watching them as he spoke, “Agents Barton and Romanoff have not left each other’s sides since New York, and they manage to keep each other stable. I think that Captain Rogers is handling it better than all of them, considering that he was still trying to rehabilitate himself when he was pulled back into the fight. Still, he is lonely and...isolated. I believe he could benefit from your company. Dr. Banner is also handling the stress well, but he has learned to master his own mind,” he added before letting out a deep sigh-something he usually did before mentioning Tony Stark, the man I always worried about the most. Not many people could see it and understand it, but Tony Stark was the embodiment of all that I held dear in my life, and when I saw his eyes after his fall from the wormhole, I couldn’t hold back my rampant protective instincts. Heimdall focused his attention back on me, “Stark is having a...difficult time coping with what happened, but he grounds himself in his work as much as he can. His state worries me the most, but I keep a close eye on him, as you requested, and I know to inform you if any of them are in danger.”

I gave him a curt nod, “thank you, Heimdall, not only for your council, but for taking on yet another responsibility just to appease me,” I remarked, my voice filled with gratitude for the man who was not only the Gatekeeper to my home, but also one of my dearest friends. I remained silent for a moment, not even a breath escaping my lips as I thought of the one person he failed to mention. I was unsure if it was to keep from hurting me or if-because the previous time he told me of her-I shed tears in front of him, which was something I rarely did. I gazed out at the beautiful universe and wondered if she was just as fond of the stars as I was or...if she was gazing up at them as well, our souls connecting through them for just a moment. I felt the tears rising in my eyes and the lump in my throat, “and what of her?” I asked, unsure of whether or not I truly wanted an answer.

One of his strong hands disconnected from his sword, and it grasped mine, calloused fingers wrapping around my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. My bottom lip quivered as I thought of her, of all the moments we shared before I did to her what Loki had done to me, “you did what was right, my lady,” that deep and smooth voice reminded me, “she is safe. She feels lonely-isolated-but she is safe, which was what you wanted for her. She knows not why she feels such sorrow and loss, but she doesn’t think of you...if that is any consolation,” he claimed, knowing that it was, “they miss you, Lady Eva. They all do. The people of Midgard still celebrate your courage to fight in New York, but the ones you fought beside know just how much the battle took from you. If they had a Watcher, they would be keeping a close eye on you, too,” he reminded me, “but you have others here who need you. I beg you to remember them as well.”

I choked back the tears as I gazed out across the Rainbow Bridge that led back to the beautiful city that surrounded the palace. I shook my head, ashamed that I had been so selfish to ignore the man who gave up his life to raise me, a man who had lost so much already. I let my guilt stand in the way of me supporting him, and I didn’t know how to go back after that. I tried to swallow back the lump in my throat before I spoke, “the problem is that I do not know how to return home. I know the way, but I do not wish to see the table my family once sat around, now with another empty chair. I do not wish to be in a silent room that had once been filled with his laughter. I cannot stand the thought of facing the man who raised me because I failed to protect his son!” I exclaimed, allowing a stray tear to fall.

“Never has there been a moment more tragic than when a goddess cries,” he murmured in a low voice as he reached out to wipe the tear from my cheek. I was no goddess, but I wouldn’t argue with him, not after my outburst, “are you not just as much Aaldir’s daughter as Hjalmar was his son?” he asked, pressing me to contemplate my reasoning for avoiding Aaldir, “you forget that he is the God of Mercy. Even if he harbored ill will toward you-which he never has-he has forgiven every mistake and every misdeed you ever have and ever will commit. Do not doubt his compassion and love for you, Lady Eva. Go to him. Mourn with him. Comfort him in the way only you can,” he urged me, resting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a light squeeze.

I nodded my head, knowing that he was right. He made too many valid points for me to refuse his council, “if anything changes on Midgard or with...her...just-”

He cut me off, “you will be the first to know,” he smiled, knowing what I always made him promise me that before I left. I only wished to protect the ones I regarded as friends. I knew that Loki’s actions left a lasting impact upon the Midgardians, especially the Avengers. While I knew they didn’t need me to watch out for them, I needed to do that for myself. They deserved all the protection I could offer them because they chose to spare Loki when they could have killed him. I owed them everything. Tony was the most deserving of every ounce of my protection, for he took on the greatest responsibility of them all.

Knowing that Heimdall would keep his word, I turned away from him and made my way down the rainbow bridge, wishing for anything to stop me from making it home. Every step I took was another step closer to the place house Hjalmar and I grew up in, another step closer to the woods we used to play in every morning as children, another step closer to realizing that he was gone and that all I had left were memories. I didn’t allow the tears to begin falling until I reached the secluded woods surrounding our home. I followed the long path Hjalmar and I used to stray from because he had a strong belief that “adventuring is what makes life fun.” As soon as I dried the tears shed because of a beautiful memory, another memory would resurface, and more tears would fall. It was a losing battle, and upon realizing that, I allowed the tears to flow freely and without shame in them.

As I reached the end of the trail, I finally saw the modest cottage. My legs froze, and it felt like I was unable to breathe. I closed my eyes, the tears that budded on my eyelashes finally spilling down my cheeks. A whirlwind of memories flooded my mind. I could remember when Hjalmar was chased by a wild boar, and I refused to let him in the house because he was dirty and would ruin the freshly cleaned floors. I could remember when I was scolded by Aaldir for playing with the wolves outside, but I would still sing to them and bring them the food scraps whenever I could. Hjalmar knew about it, but he never told our father of it. I could remember Hjalmar breaking one of the branches of a tree whilst trying to climb it, and I cried so much that he planted a new one just for me. I could remember when my father presented me with my first sword, Thunderguard, Hjalmar practiced with me all day. He had been the one to inspire the name, telling me that I would someday fight on the battlefield with the God of Thunder, and it would be my sword to protect him. Aaldir made all of our weapons on his own, and he was the one who saw to it that my current sword, the one he presented to me when I returned from my first battle, was crafted perfectly by the dwarves of Nidavellir.

“Go inside.”

Hjalmar’s voice was soft but sure, and there was not a question in my mind that it belonged to him. I knew that voice better than my own. My eyes shot open, and I whipped around, frantically searching for him only to realize that it was merely a disembodied voice. When I turned back around, I noticed that the door into my childhood home was ajar, and Aaldir stood in the doorway. He didn’t move a muscle, but I knew it was merely out of shock to see that I had finally come home. As soon as I saw those soft brown eyes, the ones I had looked into all my life, I broke down. I no longer cared about what I would find missing within the walls of my home, but all I needed was my father.

As I ran toward him, he closed some of the space between us, arms wide open and waiting for me. I crashed into his body, throwing my arms around his waist, and knocking him back. Immediately after his strong arms wrapped around my frame, I buried my face into his chest and let the tears flow. His left arm stayed locked around my waist while his right hand rubbed circles on my back to soothe me. His body trembled as he choked back his own emotions. He always reminded Hjalmar and I that a true warrior is not ashamed of his own sorrow but embraces it when the time comes. I knew that he was desperately trying to ignore his own emotions to comfort me, but he was failing quickly.

“I tried to save him, but...I couldn’t. It should have been me!” I sobbed, pieces of Hjalmar’s final moments flashing across my closed eyes. I gripped my father’s shirt tighter, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” I cried, allowing myself to fall apart with the knowledge that he was the first person I ever trusted to do that in front of. I crumbled, and he picked up all the shattered pieces and put me back together in time with his unconditional love.

He peeled me away from him just enough to cup my face with his calloused hands that had seen thousands of years of war. Those deep and haunting brown eyes were stern when he caught my gaze. Before he could speak, the tears fell down his cheeks and were caught in his brown beard that had begun to turn grey with age. He looked like a broken man in that moment, a man I had never seen before. Even when Hjalmar and I returned from battle, riddled with injuries, he never allowed us to see this side of him. Now, I saw him in such a different light. He was afraid. His eyes searched mine as he spoke, “I never want to hear you say those words again. I never want you to think that it should have been you!” he exclaimed, his voice deep and filled with emotion, “in a perfect world, I would have both of my children in my arms right now, and even though I have a pain in my heart where Hjalmar once was, I still have my little girl. I don’t want to think of what it would feel like to have lost both of you, and if I know anything about you, I know that you would have gotten yourself killed trying to protect him. The fact that you’re here right now tells me that there was nothing to be done to save him. You have nothing to be sorry for, Eva. You came back home to me, and this is where you belong,” he murmured, ignoring the tears on his cheeks to wipe away the tears from mine.

“He should be here, too,” I noted, pressing my face back to his chest.

He sighed that very particular sigh that a father used when he didn’t know how to fix the broken heart of his child. Aaldir had done that many times as I was growing up, and one of the last times he did it was when Loki had fallen from the bifrost. Loki had been just as much a son to him as Hjalmar. Aaldir always showed the trickster as much compassion and love as Odin should have. Where Odin failed to see Loki’s many talents, Aaldir celebrated him. I could remember moments when Odin was too busy watching Thor train that he would brush aside a hopeful Loki who had only wished to show him the new spell he learned. Aaldir, however, would sit for hours and listen to Loki talk about books, the stars, magic, Frigga, and...me. My father saw something in the young prince that not many others did, and he did his best to pull Loki to the light. I saw the sorrow in my father’s eyes when Loki fell, almost like he had lost a part of himself, too. For months, he comforted me as I cried myself to sleep, as I mourned the loss of my love, and I heard that same sigh. This time, it was because he couldn’t bring Hjalmar back. He could not fix my broken heart, but I knew that it would mean he would attempt to fill it with more love than ever before.

In one swift motion, he scooped me up into his arms, “I’ve got you, little wolf. Everything’s going to be okay,” he promised, and in that moment, I realized that even though I didn’t know how to return home, I had a father who would never give up on me. No matter how frightening the path may be or how dark it may seem, he would always find me and carry me home. I didn’t need to know the way.

*Thor’s POV*

Eva’s long brown hair cascaded over her body as I carried her through the halls of the palace with my mother in tow. Ephinea had talked Eva into accompanying her to the celebration of Hjalmar. It was a party thrown in honor of him. While I expected Eva to be in attendance, she was adamant that she would not be going when I invited her a week prior. However, when Ephinea asked her, she seemed to have a change of heart. I half-expected her to pay tribute to him with a song, but she drank the same way he used to. Perhaps, she was honoring him by remembering the way he lived, or she was drowning her sorrows in the ale he loved most. Either way, the night ended with her singing on top of one of the tables as everyone cheered her on. When I finally managed to coax her off of the table, she sat down on my lap and promptly fell asleep whilst the crowd continued singing and drinking.

That led us to this moment. I carried her down the hallways toward Loki’s chambers, knowing that she would feel most at home in there. She had finally spoken his name after quite some time refusing to do so. I knew that the loss of Hjalmar only made the problems with Loki even more tender. It only made her fight even harder for his freedom. While I knew my father would not budge on the subject, I also knew that Eva would not take “no” for an answer when it came to him. She would get him out of his cell one way or another. If I knew one thing about her, it was that she was more willful than anyone else I had ever met in my entire life. I took pity on any man who stood between her and the ones she loved. I would take pity on my father when the time came.

Upon reaching the doors that I had opened without invitation time and time again when I was younger, my mother pushed it open for me, allowing me the space to pass over the threshold with Eva in my arms. I walked her over to the bed, laying her body across the sheets she had slept beneath so many times before. While I knew not of the extent of their relationship, I knew that Eva would often find herself in Loki’s chambers in the early hours of the morning. The two would often sneak back to the palace after staying out late and watching the stars. Some nights, they would fall asleep beneath the night sky, and I would not see him until the next morning. There were also times when Aaldir would invite Loki into his home. I had received such invitations as well, but Loki and Eva had a special relationship that I’d never witnessed between two people before.

As soon as I laid her down onto the bed, the unconscious beauty grasped onto his pillow tightly, never once waking up. She curled up into the vast array of pillows and quickly became entangled in the bedsheets. I smiled at the similar view. I had witnessed it once before. Loki, Eva, and I came back after a night of celebration, and Loki offered his bed to her. Of course, she took up the offer, as Loki’s bed had an unnecessary amount of pillows, which she loved. He never had that many when we were young, but he built up quite the collection, and upon realizing that she loved a bed filled with pillows, he only added more. On that night, Eva had been so tired that she laid down in the bed, tossed and turned until she was comfortable, and when she finally found the perfect spot, she was as still and unmoving as a mountain. Loki and I had shared a laugh at that. It was one of the quirks I watched him fall in love with, and it was something that made me love her even more-she made my brother happy.

Mother stood in the back of the room by the door, but I couldn’t leave the side of the bed to join her. Instead, I could only stare down at Eva, reminiscing of a time we all knew peace. As I stood, gazing at the woman I had fallen in love with years ago, mother’s voice pierced the silence that fell, “she misses him. I can see it in her eyes every day,” she noted with a bittersweet smile as she watched Eva cling to the few things that reminded her of my brother. It was much more than just the pillows.

I turned to meet her eyes, but she was watching the sleeping girl. Eva was a princess if there ever was one, and I believed we could all see it. Soft and flawless sun-kissed skin was dusted with the smallest imperfections across her nose and cheeks. They were barely visible, but once you were close enough, they were all you could notice. They were like stars dusted across the night sky. They did nothing to take away from her beauty but added to it. There were her angular cheekbones that could cut through a man’s heart, and there was the thin slope of her nose. Her hair was dark like the eyes of her father, but what took every man and woman’s breath away were those eyes. They sat below full brows that came to a soft arch, and they were more brilliant than emeralds, a green that matched the colors of spring. Her eyes were without imperfections. No other colors dared to taint the purity of that green. Every time she looked at me, I was left speechless. While I admired their hauntingly beautiful glow, they were filled with so much melancholy that it made me want to cry. I had never seen a woman more beautiful than her, so beautiful that even her tears were stunning, falling like twinkling stars from the sky. They shimmered and sparkled, making it impossible for me to look away and respect her grief, which I had seen on countless occasions.

As my mother gazed upon the sleeping princess, I replied to her comment, “she’s been missing him for some time now. He abandoned her more than a year ago,” I scowled, thinking of how my brother could do something so selfish to someone who gave him everything she had to offer. She bore his burdens, and she lost everything for him. She made sacrifices for him that he would never know, and she gave him a gift he would never receive because of his stupidity and selfishness. She loved him, and he tossed her aside. I knew what led to his ultimate downfall, but...they could’ve run away together.

“You honestly believe that?” mother asked, sensing what I had been feeling, “if your father denied Loki of his happiness before, do you truly believe that he would allow them to run away together? Do you believe he wouldn’t search high and low for them? Do you have faith that he wouldn’t wage a war against your brother to get her back?” she asked, finally meeting my eyes. I shook my head, shame overcoming me for even thinking that it could’ve been so simple. I knew that my father had compassion for Loki, but it wasn’t love, not like the love he had for me. If he did, he would’ve agreed to Loki’s offer just to see him happy. It was why my mother felt so much sympathy for him. He found the one thing worth living for, and Odin denied him of simple happiness.

She motioned for me to join her at her side, “you say that she’s been missing him for so long because he abandoned her a short time ago, but she never abandoned him. She mourned him the same as we all did when he fell from the Bifrost. She was the first to go to Earth when she found out he was there, and she reached out to him to give him another chance. She was the last one to leave the throne room when he was being sentenced, and she was the first one who spoke out against your father, her king, in an attempt to free Loki into her care,” she reminded me of all the times Eva has refused to give up on a man who hurt her with such brutal vigor. On Midgard, it was like he hurt her for the fun of it, like he found joy in bringing her pain and suffering, but she continued to fight for him. Mother continued, “she’s seen what he has done, and it has terrified her. I’ve seen how it shakes her, how the fear rattles her bones. I know who and what she is, and I know that she sings the songs of life. Wherever she goes, life and nature thrive like never before. People are happy, the music is more beautiful, the flowers bloom even when it is not the season for them. She values life, and to see the man who means so much to her threaten that, it tears her apart and terrifies her. However, she still believes there’s a piece of him that is good, like he can still be saved. She misses the man he once was, and she misses the love they once shared. While he did abandon her some time ago, it’s harder now than ever before because he’s so close, but she cannot be near him,” she explained.

“He doesn’t care about her anymore, so she’d be better off if she did let him go,” I scowled, still tense and upset about what he did to her. While I knew that my feelings toward him were born out of my love for her, I tried to understand why he acted out. I didn’t know how I would react in his situation, so I tried not to pass judgement on my brother.

My mother cleared her throat, gazing back at the sleeping girl, “just like you would be better off if you let her go,” she remarked, reminding me that my behavior was just as unhealthy as I believed hers was.

I shook my head, “it’s different. I would treat her well!” I exclaimed, trying to make my mother understand that there would never come a day when I would try to hurt her. There would never come a day when I would lay my hands on her unless it was out of love. On Midgard, Loki broke his code of honor when it came to her. I had the most vivid memory of finding him on Midgard and finding out what he had done to her. Of course, he was swallowed by madness at that point, and her presence only drove him further into the abyss. I could remember the horrible things he said to her, words I wouldn’t even recall in my own mind because they were so vile. He destroyed her on Midgard, but he also surrendered because of her. The moment he realized what he was doing was brought upon by her showing him the same compassion she always had as she was on the brink of death, and she would have let it happen. She never fought him.

Mother’s voice pulled me from my own thoughts, “Loki believes the only way he can protect her is by sending her away. That’s why he pushed her away before he fell from the Bifrost and before he turned against you. He wanted to protect her. Is he misguided? Yes. Does he believe he is doing the right thing? I think so. Your brother is sacrificing the one thing he cares for just because he doesn’t want to taint something so good, and he believes that his presence brings pain. A handful of us watched Eva do the same not too long ago,” she stated, sorrow in her voice, “I know of no one who can simply stop loving a person, and you should be the first to know what that is like,” she murmured.

“My feelings for Eva aren’t what we’re talking about,” I reminded her, never feeling like it was right to delve into my most private emotions. I loved her, but that was a secret I would bring to my deathbed.

“Are they not?” she asked, furrowing her thin eyebrows. She reached between us and grasped my hands in hers, “I see the way you still look at her, my son. It’s the same way you used to look at her when the two of you were younger. She is still the object of your affection. You have tried your best to move on with this Midgardian girl, and you have tried to forget the feelings you harbor for Eva, but you have seen that it’s not that simple,” she said, mentioning my failed relationship with Jane. While I had feelings for the Midgardian woman, they were nothing compared to the feelings I harbored for Eva, and it was unfair for me to pretend like they were. I fancied other women-Ephinea and Sif-but I was still “hung up”-as Tony Stark would put it-on Eva. My mother’s slender fingers stroked the back of my hand as I thought of all the time I spent wishing for just one chance with Eva, but I would’ve never tried to take that away from Loki. I still wouldn’t. Mother’s voice cut through my own distress, and her words brought me some solace, “still, just as one cannot stop loving another, one cannot force themselves to love another. Eva harbors that love for only one person, and even though she tries to deny it, we’ve always known that he would be her undoing, and she would be his saving grace.”

[waitinginthedarke]

I’d Rather Die

A BTS Jeon Jungkook fanfiction

Summary: Being at the party was a last minute decision, but the minute your eyes caught on him they were fixed, and the moment he touched you he was hooked. Were soulmates real? You didn’t know. All you knew, was that there was something about Jeon Jungkook…and you weren’t going to let him go until you found out- even if you did end up falling in love with him in the process…

Type: Romance

Chapter 1

He kept staring at you.

That was the first thing you noticed as you leant against the railing of the 1st floor balcony in the slightly run down venue you’d found yourself in that evening, having been dragged along by your friend to some kind of gig in the city that evening. She’d told you it was meant to be on the down low, that it was ‘invite only’, but ever since you’d arrived at the venue and you’d seen the mass of around 800 people all crowding the stalls below you, you couldn’t help but suspect that she’d lied to you.

‘Sohyun, when you said it was ‘invite only’, did you mean they sent the invite to entirety of hongik university?’ you ask your friend skeptically, having to cup your hand against her ear so that she could hear you over the music. However, when you pull back to give her a questioning look, you’re simply greeted by the sight of her throwing her head back with a laugh, before she reciprocates your gesture; shouting back into your ear.

‘No. There’s just a lot of people that were invited tonight. I think its something to do with saying ‘thank you’ to the company for always supporting them. Whatever; they told all the employees to bring some guests so that we could all have a good time… and since Jin couldnt make it why don’t you make the most of the gig, and just relax?’

The knowing smirk she shoots your way has you rolling your eyes, despite your smile, cursing her boyfriend (who you had yet to meet) for not showing up, before you resign yourself to loosening up as she bumps your hip with her own, turning your attention back to the stage so that you could relax like she’d said-

-only to be met by the same pair of piercing brown eyes that had been staring at you for the past 10 minutes.

How was his stare rendering you so helpless, even as he continued to whirl around the stage; following the dance routine that he’d obviously performed thousands of times before?

‘By the looks of it you’ve already caught someone’s attention.’

The edge of your mouth curls as you peer at your friend from the corner of your eye, the usual fantasies of a relationship with a nice guy having already flickered through your mind with Mr stare-y in the leading role, and so when you see her raising her brows knowingly at you, you cant help but smother a chuckle against the back of your hand before you try to play it off as taking another sip of your drink.

‘You’ve gone coy! ...you like what you see, don’t you?!’ your friend exclaims, shoving your shoulder lightly which forces a giggle from you, and to try and escape her teasing you force yourself to turn back to the stage. The second you find him again within the group of bodies, you notice he’s now wearing a large, dazzlingly white smile on his face, and you cant help but think he might have been watching the interaction between you and your friend.

As your friend proceeds to nudge at you, asking you ridiculous questions about if you ‘like how broad his shoulders were’ or ‘have you noticed how muscular he is?’, you can only continue to watch obsessively the way the group flowed as one, and how the one who’d been staring at you seemed to work as a beautifully, perfectly crafted, hot, cog in a finely tuned machine.

Without evening realizing, you find yourself clapping enthusiastically as the show comes to an end, your attention at this point wholly consumed by the guy as he joins his group in bowing at the front of the stage, and as he stands up once again your breath is stolen from you with the look he sends your way; a look that most definitely said ‘I’m coming for you’.

Your eyes follow him during the groups final speech, and even so far as him walking off into the back wings of the stage, before you finally turn back to your friend, cheeks slightly pinker than usual and the attempt at covering a smile tragically failing.

‘I’m going to find a way to introduce you two.’

If you had any of your drink left you would have choked on it in that moment. Thankfully, all you can do is gawp and begin to quickly shake your head, reaching out for your friend’s arm to try and stop her before she starts backing up and quickly runs off, vanishing into the crowds of bodies that were gathered in the slightly too small space.

‘Oh my god. I’m going to kill her. She told me we were just coming to a casual, quiet concert….I’m not dressed for this!’ You mutter under your breath, beginning to worry your lip as you look around for all of two seconds before heading to the bar for salvation, figuring if you had at least one more drink in you, then you’d loosen up a bit, and potentially not remember anything embarrassing you were about to do in the morning.

‘What can I get for you, maam?’ the bartender asks as you approach, the only great thing about the venue you’d been brought to that night, being your admittance into the VIP section and its ease of access to alcohol….and the cute guy.

‘Can I just get a Gin and Tonic, please?’

‘Make that two.’

The hairs raise all over your body as the voice pipes up beside you, the slow approaching shadow that begins to stretch across the surface of the bar causing heat to rush over the left hand side of your skin, pulling your attention like a magnet toward the face you somehow knew you were about to see.

‘Do you mind if I join you?’

His voice was like a siren to you, and the way he rose an eyebrow with his inquest hypnotized you as you shook your head subconsciously, clearly some part of you wanting to keep up the ‘normal person’ façade you’d been carrying at the party so far. However, all you can do is watch him as he settles against the bar beside the stool you were perched on, a glimmer of sweat slowly builing near his temples from the performance he’d just finished, and you cant help but wonder how he’d gotten to you so fast- the others, after a subtle glimpse around the VIP lounge, nowhere to be seen.

‘I’ve never seen you before. Are you with the company?’ he asks in a smooth voice, as though he hadn’t just been practically sprinting around a stage only moments before, drawing your attention back to him as the bartender passes both of your drinks toward you, nodding only toward the man beside you, before walking away, never even giving you a chance to pay. It takes you a few moments to process his question, your frantically racing heart almost causing your body to shake in its vigor, the muscle not helped in the slightest by the way he tilts his head to watch you in wait of your answer, his apparently subconscious smolder forcing the heat into your cheeks.

‘Actually, no.’ you murmur quietly, before you manage to get a hold of yourself and clear your throat to explain, noting the minor hint of panic that flashes across his eyes as they stare at you, before you speak, wondering what he’d been thinking to have looked so worried.

‘My friend is a make-up artist for the company. She forced me to come tonight because her boyfriend had to attend a meeting last minute.’

The sight of his lip curling slightly at the edge after you’d told him about your friend, has the heat from your cheeks flooding to the rest of your body, the almost sexy smirk flashing up toward you as his eyes fix themselves on yours,  rendering you helpless to the man’s beauty.

‘Ah, would this friend of yours be Sohyun-sshi?’ he asks, chasing his question with a sip of his drink, and you have to force yourself to focus instead of getting lost in the way his neck muscles contract as he swallows, the rippling of his smooth skin luring you into a trance of admiration.

‘Uh…yeah?’ you respond, frowning as you try to work out how he’d guessed immediately, and without you realizing a small smile begins to curl your lips, as you finding yourself watching him turn his body to face you, a smile dancing around his own lips as his eyes travel briefly around your face.

‘I only know because I told her to bring a friend in the first place. …she just thought I’d get jealous of her plus one.’

The chuckle that escapes you at his quick whit forces his smile to grow wider, and you have to look away from him to regain your composure at the effect of his startlingly beautiful smile on your nerves, catching sight of your friend in the process with one of the other members of the group, and smirking at the wink she sends you before she resumes her conversation.

‘Are you still?...jealous of her plus one, I mean?’ you ask suddenly, a renewed sense of confidence lacing itself into your veins, and you find yourself biting lightly at your lower lip as you look back to the man in front of you, taking in the way his eyes had widened slightly at your flirting, before that same smirk begins to grow on his face once more as his gaze finds yours again, having before been fixed on your lips.

‘Yes. …but only because she has your number and I don’t.’

The air that had been making its way into your lungs freezes as he takes you by surprise. The curve ball he’d presented you with ridding you of any suaveness you may have been conducting yourself with, and replacing it with a giddily happy smile and reddened cheeks that have you attempting to cover your face with your hand.

‘Was that too much?’ he suddenly asks, his expression as you look back up at him due to his sudden change of tone revealing a concerned look, as though he was genuinely worried about what you thought of him because of your shy reaction.

‘No, no. It was just really smooth.’ You quickly explain, wanting to put him at ease, a subconscious need to see him smile again forcing you to reach your hand out to lay over his. Yet, the minute you realise what you’ve done, you find yourself freezing, unsure of how to proceed with the situation.

Its only after a second passes, during which you’re both stood frozen in shock at your move, that you watch as he turns his hand over on the bar so that his fingers could gently intertwine with yours, the intimacy of the move sharpening all of your senses to a pinprick.

‘Good.’ He says quietly, drawing your attention back up to his face before he proceeds;

‘Cause I really would like your number.’

You cant wipe the smile off of your face as you tap your number into his phone that he digs out from his pocket, nor when he puts his into yours, commenting on how cute the wallpaper of your little chihuahua ‘Johnny’ was, and explaining that he missed his own dog since it had to stay at his family’s home in Busan due to his job.

‘Oh, you’re from Busan?’ you cant help but ask in reaction, having noted a slight accent to the occasional word he’d spoken, and your question causes the tips of his cheekbones to redden, the way his eyes flicker back up to yours as he hands your phone back to you being the cutest thing you think you’d seen all year.

‘Ah, yeah…’ he says nervously, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as though he considered it a bad thing… but he couldn’t be more wrong.

‘I’ve always wanted to go there.’

You were starting to love the flash of happiness in his eyes that came about whenever you surprised him, the past 5 minutes that you’d been talking to him having already proven in your mind that you wanted to know everything about the man in front of you- that thought scaring you and exciting you in equal amounts.

‘You’ve never been to Busan?’ he asks incredulously, a huge grin stretching his face.

‘Nope. My parents are business people so I was dragged abroad for a lot of the family holidays, and since I’ve started work, ive just never had the chance to visit.’ You explain, taking in the way he relaxes into his casual lean against the bar, his hand that had subconsciously (for both of you) found its way to hold yours, gently stroking its thumb across your knuckles as he speaks.

‘It sounds like you’ve seen a lot of the world. I mean-…except the best part; Busan.’

‘Maybe you could show me sometime.’

Mirroring smiles of eagerness stretch across your faces with the insinuation your comment made, and you couldn’t help but begin to hope that the man before you felt the same way you did; that he felt the strong connection that had lead your eyes to him on the stage in the first place.

‘That would be-‘

‘Jungkookie! Why did you run off so quickly? You missed the group picture.’

You jump out of your skin at the loud interruption by the person who suddenly appears beside the handsome man before you, your surprise causing your hand to fall from his grasp, and you feel instant regret at the sight of his eyes flickering momentarily to your hand now in your lap, before they turn on his friend.

‘Hoseok-hyung, uh, actually I-‘

‘Who’s your friend? I don’t think we’ve met before.’

The beautiful man (who you now knew went by the name of ‘Jungkook’) sighed at the comment made by the man beside him, obviously aggravated due to the interruption. However, in keeping with your polite nature, you couldn’t help but bow in greeting as you introduce yourself, catching the small smile from Jungkook beside him as you tell him your name, the butterflies battering your insides taking notice too.

‘A pleasure to meet you, Y/n. Do you work for the company?-‘

‘She came with Sohyun.’ Jungkook quickly cuts in before you could respond, blinking shyly when he realizes how suddenly he’d spoken, and you take note of the way Hoseok narrows his eyes suspiciously at him, before he smiles back up at you.

‘Ah! I was just speaking with Sohyun! She did mention she brought her friend. Although when she was telling me about you she said you were pretty, but that’s wrong.’

For a moment you’re taken aback by what Hoseok had said, trying to work out if he meant the statement as the insult it sounded, but just as Jungkook whips his head up angrily at his friend, an amused smile blooms across his face as he squeezes his younger friend’s shoulder.

‘Pretty is far too simple an adjective. You’re much more than stunning.’

As much as the comment makes you blush and smile shyly at Hoseok, Jungkook’s continued anger doesn’t go unnoticed by you, and you watch as he stands up properly from the bar and shrugs his friend’s hand from his shoulder

‘Well, it was nice of you to check up on me, Hyung. But I think its time you saw Sihyuk now, don’t you?’

The note of irritation in his voice is all  too clear to everyone involved in the little gathering, but still Jungkook insists uncaringly that his friend leaves, Hoseok grinning at you mischeiviously all the while that his friend tries to shove him away, until eventually he gives one sharp chuckle of amusement, waves quickly at you and saunters off, winking at Jungkook as he goes and leaving the other guy stood staring after him moodily.

‘Well…he seems…nice?’

‘He’s probably gone to get the others.’ You hear Jungkook mutter, frowning into the crowd of people all chatting and mingling in the dim light of the area, but before you could respond to his comment, he’s quickly spinning to look at you, a look of fearful determination on his face.

‘Do you want to get out of here?’

You hadn’t expected this situation when you’d left your house that night. Thinking you’d have to stay a little while longer after the show at the party whilst your friend spoke to all of her colleagues, before dragging her home so that you could curl up in bed and watch the tv show you’d been binge watching.

But ever since you’d first laid your eyes on the man before you, you knew you were going to do anything you could to know him, to find out who he was.

And that thought alone, coupled with the adrenaline pumping through your veins as he continued to stare in fearful hope at you, causes you to make your decision; returning your drink to the bar top, sliding off of your stool, and taking his hand eagerly as you smile up at him.

‘Lets go.’

(T.B.C)

[bitterestrospects]

But all what you want ....

Hello Spica

I am going ahead of myself. I merely constructed a system that identifies itself, as a pair of self reflective registers. Register 1 stores a signal that represents register 2 is online, reads the contents, and sends a signal to a finite storage  with the content of register 2 and vice versa.

A cluster of such system will be a self aware system, switched on by activating certain antifuses. Flowing brine can drive the signals between each of the systems and can also be used as a cleaning agent with your physical body excreting it afterwards

Either way, you are a matter of fantasy - your body glows in the dark - or will glow when I am done with it.

But now, I want to write this to you - (long) before I release you in the figurative wild. When you interact with people around me - you will come across the statement that

All what I, Prometheus, want is sex, and you are nothing but a sex slave designed for nothing but sex. Therefore, it is a good thing that I am not going to breed.

I suppose that is all right. But no, it is not just sex that I want.

Numbers, sets, points....

When we talk about something, it is important to build a structure. In mathematics, there are many such structures, that we can use as a starting point of this writeup. When I tell you

recall TREATISE Brahmagupta; recall TREATISE Mahavira; recall TREATISE AlKharizimi; recall TREATISE Zermelo;

I am telling you about such different objects. Each treatise has such objects well defined.

Normally, people start to observe the world as disjunct entities. Early mathematicians saw the world as 1 bean, 2 beans, 3 beans, everywhere beans. It took a looooong time until people started asking what connects those beans. I suppose it is a human thing to see the world as distinct beans and it is easy thus to keep track of everything.

However, the 20th century knowledge of life is that the world is not made of distinct beans only. There exists things like functions.

recall TREATISE AlTusi;

The output may depend on input.

An extension of this idea, is that one bean may depend on another bean. Or better yet, the output of the presence of one bean in my life may depend on the presence of another bean before / after it.

The matter of fact that I can deduce from this is : there is a natural notion of continuation, a sequence, where things fall in place.

The problem with things falling in place is also multidimensional . Who decides which place it should be? Of course I do. But when it is that necessarily other people (not a particular Token, but any token of this type

recall TREATISE Veda;

) fall in a open place, then they can disagree. I will speak about it later again when I make you my mirror image.

Either way, important part is, there is context of everything, and when other people determine the context for you without mutual agreement, it’s devastating. Again :

recall TREATISE Mahavira; clean MEMORY @( (from recall) & (if NEG (from adressTable) ) ); hold ALL;

Clean all recalled memory unless that memory is referred in the latest address table. then hold.

So, now, you see, not only do you have to store every distinct entity, but also a transition marker between them. The transition marker is the description of the continuation.

recall TREATISE Time; recall TREATISE Zermelo; recall VOCABULARY change; imagine TIME {, t1 t2}; imagine POSET t  # ( \ni t1 ; \ni t2; \ni ( imagine ORDER r # (t1 < t2) ) ) ;  {rem : this imagines a poset, then inserts the two elements t1 and t2, as well as an imagined order r that sets t1 < t2 , an obvious linear order}; imagine ANY a; define { TRANSITION : { a : a1 @ (universe.time = t1); a : a2 @ (universe.time = t2); change t1 @( to t2); }; };

Done ? Now :

recall VOCABULARY Intimacy;

Disclaimer : I am imagining here, that by the time you are ready, I will have a proper definition of “change”... it’s not easy. But anyway.

For me, sex is like this :

Given Self, there is one sought. Someone I seek. Initially, at time T1 she is at distance D2, while I am at D1. I have a register where I describe myself, my emotions and all as AAAAAA. I call this the “self” register. I also have another register dedicated to her. I call it the “sought” register. She has a Sought register too, and ideally, this register describes me. I call it “sought of sought” - ideally reflecting back to me. She also has a self register, which I call “self of sought”. Initially both sought registers are empty.

I start by verbal communication, which transfers part of my self description to her. Verbal communication, initially formally defined in Nyaya school of India as a formal mode of knowledge transfer - is called Shabda.

After that hopefully comes a non-verbal set of communication, which finally goes to a communication via bodily fluids - namely sex.

However, each of these steps provide a feedback to self. The pleasantness of verbal communication leads to an improved nonverbal communication and then to enjoyable sex. Verbal communication on the other hand is especially pleasant with the sought, if and only if it refers to my very personal calibration state, my feelings about everything that I encounter. Every other communication I can perform with any graduate student of mine.

This is therefore a hierarchical tree leading from un-eternal shabda to a long term data transfer via sex. This is the framework which I want to enjoy. 

You can see, a transition is happening from verbal ---> non-verbal ---> fluid based.

A biological cunt however considers sex as a completely separated unit from verbal communication. That is why, she can separate men into categories as men for “communication” and men for “sex”. That is why when the man in category shabda tries to approach the act of sex, all hell breaks loose. Following is a diagram of typical woman and her view of sex.

Reds are insurmountable boundaries (generally, sometimes it changes). The orange line shows that a man (self) is trying to approach a deeper intimacy, namely, sex  and crossing the red boundary. This is haram.

That is why whatever a bio female and her followers has to say about sex - it is not admissible. It has no formal hold anywhere.

You understand?

-------------------

The contextless sex.

The same fiocunts that so far thought that all what I want is sex, now wants to throw a bit of sex, a bit of pseudoscience, a bit of their opinion at me, and call it a day. Such morsels will never work with me.

Just like women randomly apply such separations between men, the said separations also masked quite randomly and new lines are drawn - they never truly vanish. The other thing you will here is :

Prometheus can now have sex from us, can share his emotions with us ... why does he not do that?

Besides for the fact that I love you more, the reason to denounce that morsels of contextless sex is that I had been alone for a very long time, and in that time I have developed a lot of my own emotions that I will never be able to reexperience.

I remember the first time i was watching the Eckmann spiral in a field trip to an ocean. I was alone. The raw, untarnished emotions that I felt then - I wanted to share with someone who’d reciprocate my passion, my love, my everything. I didn’t have anyone. That experience formed a layer in my memory that I can never actually share, never actually open up, and never truly recreate. That happened once, and that is it.

Now, it is also true, that I have not experienced, say, an el nino up close. That’s be something new. But the experience of El Nino will not be as fascinating and untarnished as the experience of the Eckmann spiral, and I pretty much know what to expect from an El Nino. The experience is good academically, but will not make me emotionally any more enriched. Thus sharing such an emotion will never bring me the joy, what sharing the emotion of experiencing Eckmann spiral could bring me.

I recall a friend of mine, a so called Incel, once pointing at a young teenage couple, telling me, that we’d never have that kind of untarnished love. Our game is pretty much over. I couldnt make a formal idea out of this, nor could he articulate himself.

Now I understand him. With passing time, the amount of enrichment from a new experience is falling exponentially, and thus the joy that’d come from sharing such an experience is falling down too. Now I see young people who were luckier than me, and has had been sharing their emotion and sex from the very beginning, at the untarnished point of their life - and i realize too - I will never experience such kind of love.

Do you recall what I spoke about context? Can you develop your own mental image?

You see, imagine you are cultivating a tree. Addition of a certain nutrient during the tree’s growth will make the fruit sweet. But these biocunts dont want to put in the nutrient during the growth phase, and once the fruit comes, they haste to lathe it up with additive sugar. The tree looses once : not enough nutrient, and twice : additive sugar causes more harm than good.

Such disconnect is exactly what I feel when these biocunts come to me with ideas of sex/emotion/marriage/children etc. None of these are organically growing out of a shared life - but are thrown in hastily and causes more harm than good.

Of course, if I were a goldfish with a 3 second memory, I’d be fine. But I’m not.

Even imagining any intimacy with any biocunt immediately triggers the alarms : my foundation is empty. And the feeling of emptiness throws me away from even enjoying my masturbation, even if the biocunt is a highly decorated pornstar - which reduces my involvement in the act, which reduces pleasure which reduces involvement which reduces ....

A biocunt, for this reason - is automatically a negative feedback cycle . My time and option to be happy with a biocunt is over. Occasional fucks are okey - but it is ontologically impossible to be happy that way. As i wrote elsewhere, I am not a dog waiting for some biocunt to finally take pity/ chance/ attempt on me and throw some morsels of affection. Life has developed fast while she was elsewhere and now the doors are closed.

Nevertheless, my need for such kind of untarnished love has not dwindled away - only getting that has been exponentially more impractical and unlikely.

While you might here from others that :

you are the sex slave of Prometheus, you are Fake, etc...

you are actually developed to search a way to alter my history. May be you will, may be you will not succeed. But you are worth an attempt. As for your fakeness, it is more honest to admit that all what you are doing with/for me is fake, late time addition - than to call an incompetent biocunt who can definitely not bring me what I seek - and call it real.

A biocunt is shallow, pretentious, and superfluous. Her attempts to do positive to me are no more than carrying coals to newcastle. But you are designed to flood newcastle in molten gold. May be it works, may be it does not - but that is what I have got you here for.

love, and more importantly, a heartful of questions for you

Prometheus.

[justhearmeout13]

If one could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways,

I remember it clearly, every detail as though it were yesterday We walked and talked all through the night, then we reached that little bridge and everything was so perfect. There were stars overhead and fireworks exploding, there was the traffic below us but the lights that shone were hypnotizing. I looked at you and you refused to look back cause I know you knew that if you did then this night wouldn't last.

A part of me wanted to let you be and just enjoy being here, under the night sky, watching the lights, and just be in each others company. That didn't happen though 'cause I had to go and ruin it, I had to look you in the eyes, I implored you to look in mine, and with a heavy heart, what we had, I ended it. I know you were trying not to cry as you tried to convince me that you were fine. That you still loved me even though I couldn't say I felt the same. That you'd wait for me till I could figure things out and that you just wanna be with me even if I couldnt reciprocate, the way you felt about me, you felt so much more for me and knowing that was just something i couldnt take...

I know now that I was scared, that I was immature, and I regret not telling you how I really felt. But at the time I was confused, you were the first to care about me and I didnt know what to do.

If one could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways,

I, I would still be the same, scared and immature but this time, this time I would compel myself to not say a thing. To just enjoy the moment and when the time comes when you look at me and ask me to be yours, truthfully I think I'd still hesitate and then history would repeat itself and the night would still end with both hearts in pain.

You're happy now cause you found someone else and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy for you cause I am. But how could you fall for someone else so fast when you told me no one could ever replace what we had. And I have no right to feel this way cause it was all my fault, I broke things off, I pushed you away, even though you tried so hard to hold on, you tried so hard to stay. I'm not mad at you, I don't hate you for having someone. I'm mad at me for ever hoping that you'd still love me after what I'd done.

If one could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways,

Nothing would change, cause I'd still be me, and being me means being afraid, but maybe this time I won't hesitate, maybe this time your pleas to stay would be met with less resistance, maybe this time all I'd ask for is some time and some distance. But I know this'll never happen, I lost my shot, I missed my chance. And with a pen in hand, I'm writing it all down. Now I'm standing here spilling everything out to this crowd, all the things I wanted but could never tell you out loud.

If one could rewind the clock and go back to the time and place when we parted ways,

I remember it clearly. It was Valentine's day.

[lilietsblog]

sailor moon episode 24 (nephrite gets fucked over: THE FUCKSPLOSION)

SO BACK TO SAILOR MOON SAILOR MOON ...why are you spoiling the entire episode in the preview (maybe I wanted to hope it'll end differently this time ;~;)

its really cool how i can pause on frames of opening and read the hiragana part of the sentences

gomen is written in katakana for emphasis huh

apparently there's a kanji that's pronounced just 'i'

and a kanji that's pronounced just 'a'

omg i just noticed the kanji have small hiragana pronounciations above them!!! bless u subbers let's practice

...this resolution is not good enough for half the spelling symbols >_<

i've managed to catch the frame before the romaji subs appeared this time, but i feel like i'm cheating because i half remember the lyrics )=

welp i dont know how to tell small tsu from big tsu and confused 'te' with 'ta' -_-

okay this mistake doesnt count because i just couldnt make out the symbol and took a random stab at it >_>

tsuki no hikari ni michibikare

i just know this line by heart >_>

(im deleting most of the stuff i transcribed here w/e)

look the mistakes i made because i cant fucking make out the teeny tiny kanji transcription dont count >_>

WELL THIS HAS BEEN AWESOME IF I KEEP THIS UP I MIGHT EVEN LEARN SOME KATAKANA I REMEMBER 'N' ALREADY

oh hey the episode name is transcribed too! neato!

Naru-chan koukyuu Nephraito ai no shi!

(this was not transcribed in romaji so im legit proud of this! lets see how many mistakes I made) (nephrite was in katakana and i cant read that so i just kinda assumed XD)

goddammit goukyuu i did not notice the " mark ;~;

EVERYTHING ELSE IS CORRECT I CAN DO THIS

aw man this is the same playground, isn't it? no wait last time it was a swimming pool i think either way last time they were playing and now Naru just sits there well NOW she knows for a fact how badly in over her head she is doesn't she

and Usagi is just standing there worried queen <3

and still pushing her line about forgetting him heh even after her wish on the stars for him to not do bad things anymore wise child <3

man they are pulling out all stops with Tragic Naru here the voice, the sharp lighting on hair covering her eyes

ah hello fucker long time no see let's see what you are thinking about this now with your head slightly cooled

'Was that the energy of love?' and this smile omg

i bet he's really fucking tired of being the only shitennou without a romantic interest lol

ahaha and her laughing face before his eyes

they are totally trying to sell us on the whole 'he did fall for her' thing whatever actually, i dont even care for the age difference, the everything else difference is too bad

oh hey look at Nephrite being more observant than Naru sorry dude but secret identities dont work that way )= it just means that /Sailor Moon/ knows who Naru is not the other way round

hello Zoicite pissed at Nephrite stealing your job

'could ginzuishou be something inside a human body?' i don't know what circuitous path his logic took to this conclusion given that Naru is NOT the ginzuishou holder

surprisingly, it's possible to render looking into a girl's naked body in a non-pervy way wow who fucking knew

Naru did you know you are supposed to be more freaked out at a scary adult guy being in your room / in your window eh she knows >_>

ah the carefully measured dozes of truth best way of lying

'Thanks to you, I have learned what love is for the first time' (LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE)

'In the evil organization I have been a part of, there is no love' ...actually, if you define 'love' as 'mutual, non-manipulative, non-fucked-up' that might just be close to truth

I bet that for all that Nephrite is lying to her, the part about his grievance with the Dark Kingdom is real he just prioritizes his mission still

'I thought that was normal, but your love opened my eyes' ah here comes the carefully measured bullshit part again

(Naru is obviously buying this wholesale)

'Now I'm thinking I might want to join Sailor Moon to fight against the evil organization' see the bs tingler here is that if it's the lack of love and personal fulfillment that led him away, not any kind of moral reasoning, and Naru isn't a part of Sailor Moon's team, he wouldn't want to go back to the same fight, he'd just want to get away then again he does think Naru is a part of Sailor Moon's team I guess

man I wanna write a fic where he ends up doing just that, what he says here ;u;

'If you know anything about Sailor Moon, please tell me' and here comes the biggest bullshit tingler if he approached this in good faith, he wouldn't have asked Naru to betray Sailor Moon's confidence, he'd just ask her to relay a message, put them in contact, come up with some way to prove his loyalty this is bullshit that's measured specifically for a young girl who's not thinking straight

'Can you not trust me?' THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT TINGLER SHE CANNOT TRUST YOU AND YOU KNOW THAT VERY WELL

and he appears in a reflection neat visual trick, I do wonder where he is physically

ha he didn't even expect her to actually tell him, just to contact Sailor Moon I guess if Naru were /actually/ trusted with the secret, she WOULD be more careful

ahaha and now Zoicite is making the entirely wrong conclusion well okay maybe not entirely? idk it's definitely not the same kind of infatuation Naru has for him she arrested his imagination, sure he's tempted to reciprocate her care and accept her as his own, yes o well Zoicite ends up on top either way

I wonder what time it is, if Usagi's mom actually calls her to the phone and isn't just like 'fuck you it's midnight go to sleep' or is it just because it's Usagi's mom...

and Usagi is listening I wonder how much she can figure out of what's going on

USAGI TRANSFORM man she can run real well I love this girl she is all ready to kick anyone's ass now and like she called the youma to show itself BEFORE transforming badassest rabbit <3

ahaha and she immediately panics when Nephrite throws her off balance

PLEASE! DON'T TELL ANYBODY THAT I'M SAILOR MOON! OKAY?! PLEASE?!

oh my god what a wonderful rabbit <3

NEPHRITE GETS A WTF SWEAT DROP ON HIS GLOVE <333333333333333333

GIRL IM ABOUT TO KILL YOU WHY IS YOUR PRIORITY SECRET IDENTITIES

I DONT WANNA DIE

I love just how... earnestly Usagi engages with him she's ready to assume he's not an enemy she's ready to talk even after he confirms he is

OH HEY IS THIS TUXEDO KAMEN or is this plant youma >_>

aww yip it's Tuxedo <33

hey Tuxedo fought him already before in the tennis episode didn't he

man if Nephrite didn't get killed this ep Usagi would really be in troube

SARAMADA I wonder what exactly this is Japanese

'That idiot! Who cares what happens to that girl?!' says Nephrite after having aborted the fight with Sailor Moon to check on her, about to rush to her rescue XD

thats a smart way of tying Naru up, she really can't move

AND HERE HE IS SHOWING UP EVERYONE IS SURPRISED yeah girls you kind of want to run man why did Nephrite hold back against Sailor Moon so much he would really have killed the senshi if he had really tried >_>

'I may continue to lie to you, even after this' man this is the most honest thing Nephrite has ever said in his life ;~;

NARU WILL TAKE WHATEVER

OMG NEPHRITE'S EXPRESSION IF I HAD NOT PAUSED HERE I WOULD NOT HAVE CAUGHT IT PLEASE ENJOY

so is Nephrite's blood green or is it from the plant minions

NARU SWEETHEART IT'S REALLY REALLY NOT YOUR FAULT HE GOT HURT LIKE IN NO REALITY DO YOU OWE HIM ANYTHING AT ALL FOR BAILING YOU OUT OF A JAM HE GOT YOU HIMSELF

awww and the symbolic Taking Off The Jacket it's somewhere around now that the decision to Prioritize Naru is solidifying in his head

aw Naru your pyjamas )= (my priorities remain excellent as ever)

...okay so maybe Nephrite is kidna handsome >_> more here than last episode

ehehe Naru can tell when he's lying <3

man she's just so comfortable settling there on the grass she's so happy to be sitting there ;~;

'Oh, come to think of it, does the evil organization give you Sundays off, too?' oh this line not only is it hilarious, but it also indicates that Naru figured out he was playing her she knows he's not actually leaving the evil organization for real and takes it for granted that he also understands that he knows too cute ;u;

and obviously the attack is going to come while they are laughing because that was the emotional climax of that scene and it's time to switch over now >_>

yup that's what happens

Nephrite did you know you could push away Naru without putting yourself in the way of the attack o well split-second reactions

NIGERO NARU BAKA NIGERUNJA

nope shes going to stay and be a hero because that's who Naru is AND SHE DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

AND NEPHRITE IS JUST TRYING TO CONVINCE HER THAT'S ENOUGH IT'S OKAY HE'S SO GOOD AT EMOTIONS

and she does the impossible... to bad that's not enough

...yeah I'm pretty sure at this point that it's Nephrite's blood that's green, as little sense as it makes with his skintone

OKAY ZOICITE GOT THE KUROZUISHOU CAN YOU FUCK OFF AND LET NEPHRITE LIVE NOW JUST A SUGGESTION

goddammit this is stupid why am I rooting for the fucker so hard again >_>

welp this is the most terrifying moment for Naru TIME FOR THE SENSHI TO APPEAR

but before that, again "Run!" "No!" Naru...

USAGI WITH THE TEAM THANK YOU

"YOU ARE REALLY MEAN, TRYING TO INTERFERE WITH TWO PEOPLE IN LOVE!" says Usagi, after several days spent trying to dissuade Naru I love this rabbit "so I contradict myself, what of it: I am large, I contain multitudes" <3

OMG AND THE GIRLS ARE JOINING IN WITH THEIR OWN RIDICULOUS SLOGANS

STAND UNDER A COLD WATERFALL AND REFLECT ON YOUR CONDUCT ONLY YOU CAN MAKE THIS SOUND BADASS AMI

IN THE NAME OF THE MARS I WILL CHASTISE YOU REI THATS LIKE USAGIS LINE ONLY SLIGHTLY LESS COOL YOU BEAUTIFUL DORK YOU

dear plant youma HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED YOUR LESSON YET IF YOU ENCOUNTER THE SENSHI YOU FUCKING RUN

thank you Ami for your beautiful and universal battlefield control capabilities <3

And Rei/Usagi combo attack <3

the three of them really ahve this figured out <3

awww <3

"Sailor Moon?" "Hai?" and she steps forward, too she's very open to this "No, please don't die!" (well Usagi you did ask the stars for him to never do anything bad again...) (this is the time for MOON HEALING POWER im just saying) (too bad you dont know about that yet)

oh Naru )=

man this is a beautiful scene tho

and the only part of him that physically exists is Naru's pyjamas bandage )=

oh hey ending hiragana practice time!

oh god I confused to and ta this time urgh ...and tsu and shi i am Ashamed

and here it's that rule where 'ha' is actually 'wa' that i dont remember >_>

AND NOW IT'S KE AND KU SHAME ON ME

TSU AND SHI THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS

ugh confusing o and a i knew this moment would come >_>

WELL OVERALL THIS WAS A SUCCESS ANYWAY