#that post pissed me off because more people used it to push grooming shit too

[dekarios]

hurhurhur gale didn’t seduce a goddess he’s not got rizz hurhurhur

he DID seduce mystra, with his natural ability of manipulating the weave far greater than anyone else could, he was a prodigy who continued to show greatest. pre-game he was an archmage, that’s not something you can get lightly

mystra IS the weave, he handled HER like a poet with words, like an artist with paint. she WAS seduced by how brilliant he was at magic

the REASON he’s lost with tav is because the tadpole TOOK AWAY HIS POWER, made him mediocre. he can no longer dazzle with intense displays of ability.

BUT HE STILL TRIES: the first romance scene is a display of his natural ability and how he can be a conduit for others, and HE’S seduced by you if you’re able to do it naturally as well (even with his help) (if you choose to use it in a romantic sense)

y’all forget that mystra only takes interest in those who are extremely good at manipulating the weave and that is seduction because she IS THE WEAVE. their tender hands are on HER!!!! she’s seduced by how good they are at handling HER!!!!!

[missmastectomy]

This is a vent post more than anything, but honestly? Despite the lip service I see a lot of gender criticals give to detransitioners, ime the Average Joe is a lot more likely to sympathize with detransitioners and to see us as fully fledged human beings. People who don’t know anything about the trans discourse aren’t ideologically involved and they’re more likely to approach us individuals first.

I’ve noticed a LOT of gender criticals and radfems basically view detrans women as “traitors” and assume the absolute worst about our motivations. I have literally seen radfems say shit like “well, I could never trust a detrans woman because she transitioned because she hates women and secretly wants to dominate me/rape me/enact misogyny on me,” radfems acting like transition ruins a person and that it’s impossible to ever come back from that. As if there aren’t literally women who used to hold all kinds of problematic/misogynistic beliefs who eventually snapped out of it.

For all the talk about how women need only be biologically female to be women, I’m convinced a lot of the most adamant GCs don’t see us as women. They literally just see us as gender freaks. They have this image in their mind of us as this weird in-between female, separate from the real women.

It’s so incredibly insulting. These people have a caricature of detrans women in their head. I highly doubt most have ever even met a detrans woman irl. It’s so stupid because most detrans women are very clearly female after they’ve been off hormones a few years. I’ve literally known women who were on hormones for years and I had no idea because they sound and look typical. Like, when I first detransitioned a lot of people thought I was male, but now I am gendered female and deal with the same shit as any other woman. And no, not every detrans woman will be able or want to assimilate back into her birth sex, but that still doesn’t take away from her status as a woman.

Detransitioners have literally gone through hell. Where the fuck is all this righteous indignation y’all level at these endos prescribing kids HRT, when you actually talk to someone who went through that? Fuck any GC who treats detransitioners like trash because you lack the basic human empathy to understand that what we went through was abuse. Most detransitioners nowadays started transitioning as children. CHILDREN. Kids who were traumatized, who had already been violated or neglected in some way. We were the ones who got swept up in a massive social experiment and we payed the price for it.

Some of y’all are repulsive. We are human beings, not pawns in your culture war. I see the same crap leveled at detransitioned men, too. Not every detransitioned man was an AGP fetishist that abused women ffs. I also know men who were gay or experienced CSA and ended up pushed into transition as kids. The way people talk to detransitioners and our bodies is disgusting. People calling Jazz Jenning’s SRS shit like a “festering, non-functional fuck hole.” What the fuck is wrong you, that was literally a teenager who was groomed into this is as a 6 year old.

At the end of the day detransitioners cannot rely on other groups, only on individual allies and ourselves. I am thankful for the feminists and GCs who sincerely care about we went through and want justice for people harmed by transition. The rest of you can piss off. Go find another toy to chew on.

[deviantartdramanow]

Hi all, Estel here, just here to drop that I'm actually tired of Red's shenanigans and well, it's kind of refreshing to see Red fail?

I knew from the getgo the moment he asked for Rify back he had a motive to bring her 'under his control' or just 'keep her under his hold' if you get what I mean. He screamed when confronted, block evaded when blocked <Yes, I have proof of this.>, and started to use people of the opposing side to attack those that helped him initially. A very lost cause if you will.

I actually had no much say of the grooming allegations, plus I didn't (to my memory) spread it around so much. I was busy dealing with a different user(named Bronynattor127 / The-BronyPendium for being a creep<initially> to being a creep, liar, suicide baiter, and a depression card user) and since I had core when Rify disappeared I could benchmark if Red visited me or smth.

Nothing. He didn't visit me(and to my knowledge the others too), he wasn't bothered since Rify left, he wasn't tagged or anything. He just suddenly asked for Rify back one day in YT and when confronted he just suddenly spouted bullshit. Eliza deactivated thats that, then Red decided to be a cunt towards me and scream more.

Initially I was pretty pissed but u know, had to kept quiet. Now comes my main point to this whole shenanigans;

Controlling a person isn't okay, nor is it fine to undo the work a group did because "you all sounded like morons pushing a button while Red has a strategy" -(stpps words not mine) and that "it was safer to keep Rify monitored here" -(stpps words not mine). Like, no, it's not a viable strategy and you're fucking dumb for assuming that stpp.

DA is a place full of minors, and you do not have her password nor her account, and most of all you are not her parents. You cannot control a person nor can you 'monitor' her like you both claim, because you don't fucking know Rify IRL. You don't fucking know if Rify does something in private, you don't fucking know if Rify did something without you both knowing, you don't know everything Rify does. You also cannot control who Rify interacts with, because you're not there IRL to get her off the fucking computer or phone.

Stpp, your argument that Rify's "punishment outweighs her crime" is bloody stupid. You're telling me someone who sent people to harass someone + groom someone + make hate speech + bait suicide/autism/depression + lie + steal art shouldn't be chased off the platform? Are you bloody nuts? And your other argument is "she should be kept here monitored".. Good fucking christ, this circles back to my initial point of controlling and telling her what to do.

Red, your 'strategy' is shit. Why? Reread my damn point about controlling, and you can't do this forever. You are 15 and essentially pledging your life to 'monitor'(more like control, lul)Rify until the end of DA or your days.

You wanted an answer out of me right? Well, there you are. I was quiet ever since Rify left, I was quiet for a short while after Red brought back Rify, I was quiet after I dropped my post and numbered asks about Red here, and I was quiet when Rify was chased off DA.

And you had the bloody audacity to come after me?

to add on, if I may:

Controlling someone is a sign of abuse, trust me I’ve seen it and I’m sure many followers on here have been through it or seen it too. Red’s going to become a pretty bad control freak if he keeps “monitoring” Tall

[bard-llama]

WiP List

This is gonna be looooong (like, REALLY long), so I’mma go ahead and give you a cut here. But if you’re interested in what i’m working on, take a look!

Order purely based on the order my tabs are in. I’m only counting WiPs that actually have more than a paragraph written, because if I didn’t, this list would be even longer. Also, pls don’t judge me but what I name my WiPs 😂

Post-Coital Smoke

Kinda what it sounds like tbh. I just wanted Iorveth getting high and admiring Roche’s body and then Roche decided to be a tease. At some point, I assume there will be sex.

Angst: Sex object Roche

Iorveth’s POV of realizing that Roche hurts himself whenever he flirts at Iorveth. Premise is that Roche has been groomed (intentionally or not) by Foltest to be his. So when he feels attraction towards Iorveth, he needs to be punished. And obviously Iorveth helps him learn that no, that’s not okay and idk recovery???

Midwinter Feast

This idea was 100% spawned by me trying to write holiday fics, but Foltest hosts a Midwinter Feast where they close the city for 12 days, leaving Roche to get along with the Nonhuman/Scoia’tael(ish) delegation during that time. Also, Foltest might be using the feast as a delaying tactic to resupply his army. I legit have no idea where this is going, I just thought the idea of Roche and Iorveth stuck at a feast for 12 days was funny.

Solstice Feast aka To Birth a Verdant Future

This was actually an xmas gift for @lutes-and-dandelions, but I havent finished it yet 😓 But the premise is similar to the former in that it’s another solstice feast. But it’s set post-W3 with Emhyr as Emperor throwing a party in the new conquered capital of Vizima. Roche broods a lot about Foltest’s memory and how he hates Emhyr and decides to distract himself by hanging out with Iorveth and suggesting they follow an old elven tradition. And that’s all I’ll say. XD

Next Year (Solstice Feast sequel)

Literally set the next year. This time they merge their lives by merging their people’s traditions.

Lily Preserved in Amber

Okay, haven’t gotten very far in this, but I decided it was an elven rite of passage to go searching through the forest for a sign of your future. And Iorveth finds a piece of amber with a lily preserved inside. I haven’t decided if it purely means Roche or if it means his whole family with Roche and Boussy and Anais and all. So far, he hasn’t even found the amber yet lmao. But he did just discover music!

Character taking control of the other and Character B just letting go and enjoying themselves

Under the subheading “Porn Snips”, so uh, yeah. Starts with Roche and Iorveth fighting to decide who gets to top, involves Roche getting choked, and Iorveth ripping Roche’s pants off. Oh, also, they’re currently at a fancy party hiding somewhere in the garden lmao

Based on @moonlights-ordinance‘s art

Moonlight’s working on an adorable piece where Roche leans his forehead against Iorveth’s back between his shoulderblades. I decided to make it post-W3 with both of them working as paper pushers/administrators under Emhyr’s Temeria. And Nilfgaard does not believe in chairs with backs (or, really, Emhyr wanted to see how long Roche’s pride would make him suffer. It’s a long time). The idea is to show development over time as they slowly get more comfortable with touch and start using each other as backrests. And then the sweet scene Moonlight is drawing.

Eliza for @useless-empty-brain aka Can’t We All Just Get Oolong?

Next is Iorveth’s POV, but I legit cannot figure out where to start. But we’re gonna see some of his thoughts (like how Eliza volunteered him to stay in Vizima for an unspecified period of time and he said yes even though he can’t and now has to commute regularly because he doesn’t want to miss tea with Roche but also doesn’t want Roche’s spies to catch on lmao) and his curiosity about Roche and Foltest and what Roche’s mission is (which I... totally know.)

Roche’s Scars

@moonlights-ordinance sent me a great pic of a mod for Roche where he had some pretty vicious scarring/mutilation. So of course I decided I needed to tell the story of each one. But really, it’s a story about the stages of acceptance with scars. Both Iorveth and Roche start out hiding theirs, but eventually come to reveal them comfortably in public.

Vernon Roche of the Scoia’tael aka The Value of a Man

Does my title give it away? Oops? So, this is a found family fic where Roche is captured by the Scoia’tael and the elves and dwarves slowly come to see him as - well, I was gonna say human, but as a person, I guess. And start feeling really, really guilty, especially when some not great things happen to Roche. 

Oh also, Foltest is a giant dick and uh, SPOILERS he does not try to get Roche back. Which leads to a whole subplot that will end with a found family for EVERYONE, because they all deserve to be happy dammit.

All of that was just one document lmao. I have 24 documents, some of which have quite a few WiPs in them. 😱

Kiss Prompts

24. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer. AKA How to Fluster an Elf

When I got the idea for How to Fluster an Elf, I decided it was gonna fill the prompt dammit. And then it really, really expanded on me.

33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Roche dreams occasionally that Iorveth visits him and watches over him and sometimes speaks, but he can’t understand Elder Speech, so he assumes it’s all gibberish.

Then he finds out it’s not and suddenly he’s not so certain it’s a dream

16. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

Okay, I literally just need to buckle down and write some good kissing. This is set in (Im)Perfect Strangers and Iorveth is pouting about them leaving the gardens, so Roche makes it up to him.

25. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

This one won’t actually be published with the kisses ‘cause it’s porn and the rest are T-rated lol. Buuuut Roche and Iorveth are trying to have a secret liaison in the forest when the rain starts. Featuring nature magic, tentacles, and Iorveth getting filled.

Scenes from Another World (aka AU premise)

Old Men in Vergen

Set during Witcher 3, but with an established relationship. Roche comes to visit Iorveth in Vergen to ask for advice on leading an insurgency. Iorveth just wants to feed Roche while he can now that he’s not the one starving in the woods.

Language Aphasia/Deal with the Devil

I wanted to write Gaunter! So I decided that Gaunter is in a mood for some mischief (he calls it being generous) and comes upon a traveling Vernon Roche who wishes that he could be understand Iorveth. Then Iorveth’s Scoia’tael find a passed out Roche in the woods and bring him to Iorveth for judgement. Only somehow, Roche only understands Elder Speech now. He can’t understand Common at all. The Scoia’tael find this very offensive and Iorveth is mostly freaked out that someone who can do THAT was wandering around his forest.

Bunk Beds: The Portrait of Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon

Based on a silly comic, Ciri convinces Iorveth and Roche to try to help her destroy the portrait. Geralt gets pissed and sends them to Bunk Bed Exile. Shenanigans ensue and somehow they start to get along.

Iorveth’s Scoia’tael Giving Him Shit For His Taste in Men aka The Lovestruck Fox

Right now, working on a piece from the POV of a new Scoia’tael recruit who is discovering that Iorveth’s Scoia’tael roast the fuck out of him over his crush on Roche. 

Speaking of, anyone have suggestions on prime roast material? I am not this creative.

Let’s Torture Roche!

No, really. This one is pretty dark. And told in kind of a different style than my usual, because I felt like it. So, premise is that Iorveth and Roche were a thing in the past, but then Roche was recalled to Foltest’s side and he went. So Iorveth is understandably pretty hurt and pissed (this was decided for a prompt of someone breaking down as soon as they’re behind closed doors). Buuut what he doesn’t know is that Roche is not with Foltest of his own volition. Hostages, blackmail, and torture are all involved and Foltest is a pretty horrible guy. But of course we need a happy ending, so eventually, Iorveth will rescue Roche and they get to recover together.

Life Debt aka Iorveth is an Asshole

The concept for this was that Roche saved Iorveth’s life and now that they were no longer enemies (set during Witcher 3), his honor demands that he follow Roche around until he can repay the favor. Featuring Iorveth being a trolling asshole, correcting the new Temerian Loyalist’s fighting abilities, and Roche being very, very tired. 

In application, it’s mostly angst so far, ‘cause I had to set up HOW Roche saved Iorveth’s life. And then I decided to really hurt Iorveth. But tbh I will probably skip ahead after establishing this stuff, because I just want shenanigans.

King and Country

I’ve got several WiPs for this one, including the Stripes’ recruitment, their decision to change sides, the Stripes being double agents, and of course, Iorveth and Roche’s developing relationship. But hey, I’ve skipped ahead to writing their wedding already, so... you know it ends happily ever after?

Friday Fight Night for Jan 29 (which I did not make oops)

So, this actually turned into a long piece that’s gonna be part of my Chronic Pain series. Basically, King Foltest is treating with the leaders of the Scoia’tael in Temeria and Iorveth is one of them. Unfortunately, he’s having a REALLY BAD pain day, but he’s also determined to be there to represent his people. Roche helps him see sense. Possibly forcefully.

Exhaustion Prompts

“If we’re both in this state, we both really screwed up somewhere huh?”

Iorveth and Roche are trapped in a dream and I got a little stuck creating the creature that trapped them there. But pretty sure Saskia is gonna interrupt their flirting by saving them.

“You were almost dead from pushing it too far!”

In which Roche has a heart attack from too much coffee. Yeah. He’s okay, though! But PT is about to blow a gasket and coffee will very much be disallowed.

Found Family Prompts

Taking Out the Trash for @useless-empty-brain

Literally a story about taking out the trash lmao. We’re gonna see if I can make this intersting.

Touch Starved for @mochii-girl

Honestly, haven’t gotten much done on this yet, but I’m thinking puppy pile cuddles in Corvo Bianco

Coffeeshop AU aka Brewing Romance and Dissent

Ooof I’ve got a lot of bits and pieces of this written, but nothing quite finished, except for the moment when things change from “we flirt as I order coffee” to “I make you special drinks and invite you to come visit me after hours”. Writing a canon coffeeshop au when I know shit all about coffee is HARD.

Curse Breaking

Omg this is one of the first WiPs I started for Iorveth/Roche, no joke. STILL WORKING ON IT! The premise is that Roche finds a feverish and dying Iorveth in an empty Scoia’tael camp, saves him with the power of True Love’s Kiss The Power of Strong Emotions, Like That Which You Might Have For Your Enemy. Then they team up to go save Iorveth’s Scoia’tael from a big bad mage and Roche invites Triss along for the ride, which totally doesn’t make Iorveth jealous. I kinda stalled out at the part where they reach the mage’s hideout and see the results of the mages failed experiments. On Iorveth’s people. It’s gonna hurt. A lot. But afterwards, there might be makeouts. And some sort of implication that they’re all down to do this (minus the horrible, traumatic parts) again.

Roche POV bloodplay

Roche’s POV starting from before his first encounter with Iorveth. Then he has a weirdly sexually arousing encounter with the elf, and tbh, that’s as far as I got. But Iorveth draws blood from Roche’s neck, presses his thumb to it, and then licks it off his thumb. Next, Iorveth was gonna be the one getting Uncomfortably Aroused, but I haven’t gotten that far. No idea where this is going overall.

Iorveth Investigates Roche

This kinda isn’t a real WiP in that idk if I’ll ever finish it. I mostly started it to do some worldbuilding about what public information there would be about Roche. 

Voyeurism AKA Eye on You

Yeah, I don’t have much for the next chapter yet, tbh. So premise is that Iorveth accidentally ends up watching Roche get off at the brothel and finds it really, really hot. Hot enough to get curious and go back for more. Next one is going to involve thigh fucking and Iorveth might possibly get pegged by Daph??? idk

Fake Relationship

Poor @lutes-and-dandelions has been waiting forever for this one and I can’t even find a place to end the scene and post what I have so far. Premise is that Iorveth and Roche are both investigating their missing men and the trail takes them to the Murivel Resort for Couples. So they go undercover. Featuring Roche’s POV of being doubtful, Iorveth using the excuse to flirt outrageously, strip gwent, and a magic amulet that hids Iorveth’s scar and that Roche hates.

Competitive Makeouts AKA The Chase

This was kissing practice and it turned into a casefic! Which is awesome because I love casefics even though I haven’t published any yet. So in this one, as Iorveth and Roche sneak off to makeout, they also end up investigating a conspiracy in the Temerian military. 

Iorveth/Roche(/Kayran) + Roche/Foltest aka Every Kiss Begins with Kayran

In which Roche accidentally walks in on Iorveth’s monthly fuck date with the Kayran and gets invited to join in. Then, somehow,  it starts to turn into a relationship. With an elf and a tentacle monster. And yet, somehow, this relationship is healthier than the one with Foltest. The contrast opens Roche’s eyes.

Pining and Poignards

In which Iorveth stabs Roche with his favorite knife and wants it back and is also maybe pining a lil bit. Meanwhile Roche is rather pissed, but also curious and begins to teach himself Elder Speech to try to read the inscription on Iorveth’s knife. I stalled out in the scene where Iorveth accidentally watches Roche masturbate in the bath.

Iorveth tittyfucking Roche

Look, it’s what it says on the tin. Roche’s POV of Iorveth’s fascination with his chest and how it makes him feel and then there is sex.

Dirty Gremlin Man

Iorveth gets off on Roche being a sweaty, stinky human. Roche pins Iorveth in a fight and Iorveth gets very distracted watching a drop of sweat trail down Roche’s face. So distracted, in fact, that he doesn’t think twice before stretching out his neck and licking it. Then, of course, he remembers where he is. Featuring a very confused Roche, a smidge of jealousy, and Iorveth stealing Roche’s sweaty clothing to do unspeakable things to it. And somehow they get together.

Want me to sit in your lap?

Geralt LEGIT says this to Roche like 5 mins into the Witcher 2 and it’s GREAT. So of course, I had to write a scene where he actually got to. This is set post Witcher 2 while Geralt, Triss, Roche, and Ves are headed back to Temeria. Triss offers Geralt a little stress relief - which involves warming Roche’s cock and watching Triss and Ves get to know one another.

Red is the Rose

So, Chapter 4 is set post-Witcher 2 and Iorveth is obsessing over the fact that the Rose of Remembrance still has not wilted. He wonders what might be possible, so when he hears a rumor that a certain Temerian Commander was taken captive by Dethmold...

Dethmold most definitely dies. But unfortunately, that doesn’t save Roche from the curses he cast. So they go looking for Geralt to find out how to fix it.

This has only been 9 of my documents, y’all. I think I have a problem.

De-Aged Fic aka The language of friendship is not words but meanings

Ugh, I lost my momentum on this one, which sucks, ‘cause the next chapter is so close to done. Iorveth just needs to do a little freaking out first. But then they will both be back to adults and have to DEAL with the fact that they made good friends and would kinda like that again. I think this fic is gonna be purely friendship for them, but they’re gonna get there.

Glory Hole

A fic for the @sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo where Roche hears a rumor that some Scoia’tael go to this brothel on the outskirts of town and hey, he may as well check it out, right? By going undercover and working the glory hole, of course. He never ACTUALLY expected Iorveth would come, but his legendary mouth was enticing enough to draw the Scoia’tael commander out.

Snuggling

Thirteen “accidentally” handcuffs Iorveth and Roche together when they capture Iorveth. This leads to them lying on the cot in the Stripes’ holding cell, spooning. There is banter and tickling and escapes not attempted and also maybe some sex with Inexperience Iorveth (i say maybe because I already started the sex, but idk if it will fit in). 

Petals and Stripes

A weed is but an unloved flower

Okay, the Stripes are going to attempt to woo Iorveth during a battle. Also, there is a stabbing. And then a kidnapping. And then, miracle of miracles, someone actually tries talking!

One person's weed is another person's wildflower

Ves’s POV! She cleans up the mess her idiots make and terrifies the life out of one elven suitor, but first she’s gotta deal with her own conflicted feelings about her Boss, the guy she relies on to show her the shades of grey in the world, loving the elf she’s supposed to kill. 

After that, I’ve got 2 more fics planned in this ‘verse. One is gonna be a fluffy and/or sexy date after Iorveth and Roche have gotten together. The other is a Scoia’tael side story, featuring lots of gossip about the humans sending their Commander love letters.

Love Shack

The Better Part of Valor

Ugh, I’m stuck on the sex again. Roche is having a really shitty day, so he goes to the cabin and signals Iorveth that he wants a round. Iorveth offers gentle (for them) sex and praise. And at the end, there’s a very significant scene where Iorveth removes his bandana. Roche buries his fingers in Iorveth’s hair, but doesn’t actually see his face, as he’s laying on his stomach with Iorveth on top of him.

Medicine

The morning after! Roche wakes up to find Iorveth in the bath, facing away from him, and notices a new scar. Iorveth has to deal with actually revealing his scars in daylight and they discuss the significant differences in elven and human medicine. Hint: I turned my own medical procedures into elven medicine, so it’s pretty fucking good.

PWP Ovi

Set ambiguously late, maybe after Thou Art More Lovely and More Temperate. Iorveth and Roche explore what Roche can take. We start with overstimulation, go into consensual somnophilia, come inflation, breeding kink, and oviposition. Because elves reproduce by laying eggs, which is not at all the case purely because I started this WiP ages ago and was horny.

The Picture Says It All

There’s going to be 5 more pictures that Rinn draws for Iorveth. Next is Roche hard at work, hunched over a desk. Then we’re getting some shirtless Roche, for “research”, of course. Then Roche cuddling with PT and the rest of the team, about which Iorveth is not at all jealous. Then a face study of Roche during a fight and uh, Iorveth is uncomfortably turned on. And finally, a drawing of their cabin with a silhouette in the window. She knows.

Roche & Rinn: The Haunting of Barrack 8B

Oh man, I really want to finish the next chapter, because I already have the one after that done. But first, we get introduced to Adda! This ‘verse is going to feature Adda the White a lot more than any of my others have done so far and I’m very excited. Also, Silas continues to be terrified of the ghost and the ghost and Adda become girlfriends buddies.

Roche builds Iorveth a home

Set late in the ‘verse, after Roche knows his feelings, but they haven’t said them yet (not out loud, anyway). Iorveth takes a trip to go meet Saskia do things off screen and Roche ends up turning to his old hobby, carpentry, to keep himself from pining too obviously. So obviously he ends up builing Iorveth a solarium. And a pillow nest. And a scaffold so that flowers that blossom in the moonlight cover the glass and give them privacy.

I got stuck here because Rinn needs to give Roche a hint to get him to build the pillow nest, but I hadn’t developed Rinn and Roche’s relationship yet, so had to go back and do that. But eventually Iorveth returns and they have wonderful I’m-not-saying-it-but-i-love-you sex in the new pillow nest.

Foltest (WiP): Long Live the King

This is actually the last fic in the ‘verse, so I don’t want to give too much away. But actually, I haven’t figured out what the next chapter is, BUT I have the chapter after that started and it is GOOD, just you wait!! I’m very excited.

Don’t Cry For Me, Temeria

This ‘verse alone, I have 14 WiPs and a dozen more unwritten ideas.

(Im)Perfect Strangers

I am frustratingly stuck on this chapter. Theoreatically, we are going to have a check in on how the mountain and the rest of our cast is doing and then Roche launches his Wooing TM plan (aka dinner, gift, and dancing).

Between Two Fools

Yeah, Roche and Iorveth have very different understandings of what their gifts represent. There is some soft happiness and then a swift rug pulled out from under Iorveth’s feet, I’m afraid. BUT we are almost to the part where the two idiots sit down and actually talk properly.

Unlucky Number Thirteen

Not only do I have more of Thirteen’s story planned, but I have ideas for ALL the Stripes to have stories. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, Thirteen starts spying for Roche. A lot of still-nebulous stuff happens, including Thirteen’s first time, for which he asks Roche to help. Additionally, once we reach the (Im)Perfect Strangers timeline, Thirteen has a special story all his own. It involves learning to read and a secret I shall not yet reveal.

Silas

Like I said, all the Stripes are hopefully getting stories. But Silas’s is coming along nicely. He starts a new life as “Silas”, as a man, and joins the army. Boot camp is rough and awful and he’s not very good at any of it, but one day, Roche comes looking for a recruit. He needs a codebreaker to decipher Thirteen’s scouting reports (another one for pictures). So Silas joins the Stripes, but he’s still terrified that they’ll fnd out and think he’s been lying to them. Fortunately, they’ll be putting his fears to rest.

Stripes Sex aka Earning Your Stripes: The First Time

PT’s POV! The Stripes (pre-Silas) are all still getting comfortable with each other as a team. But Thirteen has known Roche the longest and in a specific capacity. So one evening when he needs to get out of his head, Thirteen asks Roche to dom him. PT is confused and scandalized and then jealous, but he gets to join in soon too. Meanwhile, Finch and Ves have fun with their bratty arsonist and Fenn is loving it.

break (v /brāk/): to destroy someone's resistance

This is very long and entirely build up to porn. And then lots of porn. A question during a random conversation leads Roche to make Iorveth ask him to take Iorveth utterly apart in a consensual non-consent fantasy set when they were still enemies in the forest.

Bath House

This was supposed to be a simple PWP where Roche talks dirty to Iorveth under his breath while the two of them are at the bathhouse with Boussy (who LOVES baths and brought them to the fancy bath house), Anais, and Thirteen (who HATE baths and react to water much like a cat). They kinda took over the story and there has been no dirty talk yet oops.

Iorveth POV: Tutti

Iorveth begins to reclaim his love for music and lets himself improvise and compose again. And he ends up writing a song that is the story of his and Roche’s romance.

Daggers, Dumplings, and Dresses

The Elihal/Hattori side story! Though we haven’t actually met Hattori yet. So far, Elihal is expounding on his past and his relationship with Iorveth (he used to make all of Iorveth’s fancy gowns for concerts). Elihal and Hattori won’t play a HUGE role in (Im)Perfect Strangers, but they will be appearing!

Ves and Ciaran aka The First Rule of Fight Club

Ves is stuck walking a very long way back to Vergen with the memory of Ciaran’s skin against her teeth. And even though elves lie like breathing, she can’t help thinking about what he said about Roche not being worth her loyalty. Slowly, she begins to work some things out.

Sex with Saskia/Dragonfucking

Yeah, it’s what it sounds like. Iorveth tells Roche that Saskia agreed to a threesome and where to meet, but he neglected to mention the rather large dragon that was currently rimming his ass. Roche gets distracted from his confusion by the hotness and watches Iorveth get fucked by a dragon (with 2 dicks to fit 2 holes, of course).

Come Inflation + Piss Play

Um. Yeah, it’s a PWP where Roche asks Triss for a potion that will make him come a lot. And then Iorveth wants more. No idea where it’s going, tbh.

Stripes vs Scoia’tael: Water Balloon Fight

Literally a water balloon fight. For morale.

Baby Mama

Uh, the title is a bit telling here oops. But let’s just say Iorveth and Roche go on vacation to the cabin on top of the mountain again when Iorveth is hit with the sudden extreme urge to breed. Roche is down, but at some point, they do actually need to talk.

King Roche aka fics where Roche is in charge and hates it. Some are more in line with this than others.

Post W3 Becoming Terrorists Together

Ah yes, the murder husbands fic. Literally, Roche gets stuck leading Temeria under Emhyr’s orders and he’s good at it, but he HATES it. Enter Iorveth, who both points out security flaws, joins Roche for a surprisingly unawkward bath, and proposes that they go hunting down war criminals on their own time. How can Roche say no?

Pre-W2 Ambassadorial AU

Different first meeting AU! In this one, Iorveth is sent as the elven ambassador to Temeria and it’s about as much fun as one might expect. Triss and Roche, the other outcasts amongst Temerian court, decide to befriend him. Well, try to anyway. idk where this is going, but it’s been fun. Also, Iorveth wears a fancy braid over his eye, because I said so. Also, I might be planning an OT3 porn scene at some point, because it turns out, elves are VERY sensitive to magic XD

Leap of Faith

Okay, yeah, this has nothing to do with King Roche, but it’s the doc I was working in when I got the idea. In this one, a mage captures Iorveth for Foltest and starts torturing him. Roche, without really thinking about it, decides the mage goes too far, so he kills them. Leaving him with an elven prisoner and a castle full of people who will consider him a traitor for that. They escape the city, but now Iorveth has gotta convince Roche that no, the King really won’t forget that whole murder and prisoner escape thing. 

The whole point of this fic was for me to write them jumping off a cliff lmao. When am I gonna get to that? Probably like last or second to last chapter, tbh. Which should be... after the next one? No, I lied, it’s next chapter! I need to get on that!

An ill-favour’d thing, sir, but mine own aka Possessive Sex

Piss Fic

Um. Yeah. Roche is really horny when Iorveth gets home and is on him immediately, which is great, but Iorveth has gotta piss. Which becomes less urgent as Roche is determined to have his face fucks, but after he comes all over Roche’s face, it’s VERY urgent and Roche is a fucking brat and won’t move out of the way. So obviously the response to this is to piss on Roche’s crotch - which Roche is apparently more than okay with.

Cum Dumpster Roche

Yeah, this one doesn’t have much yet, I literally just wanted Roche getting railed and claimed and L O V I N G it. 

Possessiveness

Iorveth spends a lot of time thinking about his enemy, his nemesis. He’s researched Roche extensively, spent hours thinking up tactics and strategies to outwit his nemesis. He literally knows what Roche named his stupid weapons, but he’s never actually met Roche.

But he’s dreamt about it. The Roche in reality doesn’t look like the assumptions he made in his dreams, but who cares about looks? Because Roche is his, and certainly not some dh’oine king’s.

Tentacles + Breeding

Gods, this one is SO CLOSE to being done dammit, I just gotta finish it!! But it’s a fun one. Iorveth and Roche are fighting, when Iorveth suddenly starts fighting plants, which are fighting back. Then the plants notice Roche and suddenly he’s tied up with vines and his clothes are getting torn off and uh, he’s not supposed to find this hot, is he? But he really kinda does. And then Iorveth goes and claims him and tries to protect him from a nearly-extinct non-sentient plant that sensed a warm spot to lay its eggs until someone else could come along and fertilize them. Iorveth is delighted to be that person.

Dream: Pleasure Slave

Yeah, Roche really likes getting claimed in these. In this one, he has a favorite dream setting where Iorveth rules some grand elven kingdom and Roche’s only role is to bring him pleasure. Not to deal with politics or nobles or policy, but just to make Iorveth feel good. So far, this features cock warming, come inflation, a leather cock cage (so to speak), prostate milking, and a very nice silver chalice that Iorveth expects Roche to fill before they’re done.

Roche wears a collar

This was gonna be a simple lil thing based on me creating Roche in heroforge and giving him a lil hidden collar. But then Iorveth decided to get really sappy and had to design and create the perfect collar for his enemy. And then, much to his surprise, he gets the opportunity to PUT his collar on Roche. Which is great, except the sight distracts him so much that Roche manages to escape.

But the next time they meet, Roche is still wearing that collar, hidden under his chaperon and armor. Iorveth has feelings about that.

Standalone

Crones fic aka And Ghosts Did Shriek and Shrill

So this is the angsty fic that started from a crack premise. Er, one of them. I seem to do that a lot. But in this one, Roche goes to the Ladies of the Woods and asks for his men back. The Ladies agree, in exchange for 6 lifetimes of service. But no creature can reverse death. Which leads to the Stripes coming back to “life” as ghosts - only Roche is the only one who can see them. Ves can’t (not at first). 

Believe it or not, the whole idea behind this was the Stripes roasting Roche as he tries to flirt (terribly) with Iorveth. But uh... somehow it turned pretty dark. Like, it’ll have a happy ending for sure, but it’s gonna be a lot about processing trauma and grief and building families and also curing a plague, because that’s the first assignment from the Ladies.

Stripes fics

Cuddles with the Commander

This is intended to be a sequel to The Pride of Temeria, but I kinda got stuck figuring out exactly how Roche should react. Tbh, I don’t have much of this written yet, but the goal is for Roche to approve cuddles with everyone lmao.

Fire Breating

Okay, this one started as crack purely because I love fire, but it’s actually been really fun. So, Iorveth and Roche are established and Iorveth has been invited to a family night with the Stripes, which is kinda a lil awkward. So they decide to showcase some of their talents - which includes Roche singing musicals and PT breathing fire.

Iorveth is horrified that humans have harnessed this skill.

Iorveth’s missing eye

This is really short and idk if I’ll continue it, but the idea was for Roche to really wonder what was up with the bandana over half of Iorveth’s face was about. And then, of course, to find out.

Iorveth Gangbang

Why is this under Stripes fics, you might ask? Well, I have great news for you. Guess who the gang is?

In which Iorveth and Roche are in an established relationship and Iorveth gets tied up in the middle of the Stripes’ camp while Roche orders his men to take him apart. Iorveth very much enjoys himself, and then when the Stripes are tapped out, Roche shows ‘em how it’s done.

Kink Bingo fics aka that event that I totally failed, but hey, prompts are prompts.

Age Kink

In this fic, Iorveth and Roche both end up captured by unknown forces and end up imprisoned together. I think the Stripes and Scoia’tael are probably working together to find them and save them, but in the meantime, Iorveth and Roche decide to get to know each other a bit better. Featuring muscle spasms, blow jobs, and pain kink.

Eskel/Lambert (okay, a little out of place here, but eh, it’s in the doc and I am still working on it)

Started for a prompt on tumblr, Eskel and Lambert end up fighting and, trying to keep the peace, Eskel casts axii on Lambert. Which leads to Lambert confessing that he bit Eskel because it’s the only way he could get his mouth on him. This leads to some dodged confessions, some frottage, and some snarky banter, because of course it does. 

Tempt Not a Desperate Man aka the Fuck or Die series that started with Devour What’s Truly Yours

Fisting

The next part of the series, where Roche struggles with the fact that he’s been high key horny ever since the encounter in the woods with Iorveth and nothing is satisfying him. Iorveth, on the other hand, is jealous and annoyed that Roche keeps going to the whorehouse.

Then Roche decides to make a potentially suicidal move and enters the forest to try to find the clearing from last time. And, as you might guess from my heading, fisting will be happening. 

Iorveth POV: The Chaperon

Okay, I don’t actually have much of this written, but it’s really cute so - Roche keeps using his chaperon as a cum rag, so Iorveth knits and/or sews him a new one.

“Human Bootlicker”

PWP where Iorveth jokingly suggestions Roche should surrender on his knees - and then Roche does. And asks Iorveth to take his prize. Featuring Roche coming all over Iorveth’s boots from getting his face fucked, then leaning down and licking up the mess while Iorveth watches and then comes over his face.

One Accidental Proposal and Five Attempts At Accepting

So one of the themes of this ‘verse is gonna be the Elven Baths where the Roses of Remembrance grow. As in, they decide to make the elven baths a place they meet up. This is the first time Iorveth takes Roche there, and Roche does not know what significance the roses have. But he DOES know that Iorveth blushes cutely when he tucks a rose behind Iorveth’s ear, so...

Iorveth would like to accept, only Roche doesn’t know WHAT he’s trying to accept.

The Legend

So in the game, there is a legend around the statue of elven lovers above the elven baths. “Legend has it the lover’s sighs are enchanted within these very stones, though only those in love can hear them.” 

Iorveth overhears his Scoia’tael gossiping about the legend and comes to an abrupt realization that Roche and him were the ones they were hearing. Oops?

Standalone Fics

Letters

This is kind of a bittersweet WiP that I mostly wrote in one go and then went to sleep and kinda lost the will for it. BUT the premise is that post-Witcher 3 Roche is in charge of Temeria and his brooding is interrupted when he receives a letter sealed with a forget me not pressed into wax. Iorveth continues to send letters describing his life as a “civilian” in Nilfgaard and how much he hates it and Roche relates a little bit too much. Then Iorveth decides to run away and live on the streets as a musician and he might inspire Roche to start learning the cello and presumably at some point, they meet.

Identity Porn

Iorveth and Roche have a meet cute in Flotsam’s tavern while the elf is listening in for local gossip and Roche is passing through on his way to meet with the other northern kings to get support in fighting against the new emerging threat of the Scoia’tael. Neither knows who the other is, but that doesn’t stop them from starting a relationship where they meet every time Roche passes through Flotsam. But their house of cards can only last so long, and at some point, they will meet as enemies. Who knows what happens then? idk, not me.

Gwent pinup calendar aka Cards Out for Your Country

Hahaha, so I started this series in response to some WONDERFUL art of Roche with his Tits Out For Temeria. And obviously we need more of that, so I created a list of 24 characters who are asked to pose for some pinup art, all in the name of Gwent. So far, I’ve only finished Dandelion’s pose/the introduction, but I do plan to do as many of them as I physically can.

Gwent Game in Corvo Bianco

Wow, I didn’t even remember this WiP, so uh... clearly I haven’t worked on it in a while. But it’s Iorveth’s POV of how surprisingly comfortable he is in Corvo Bianco and Iorveth and Geralt get drunk and play gwent.

Zoltan/Jaskier/Priscilla

A giftfic for Wibbly that involves Zoltan being sappy about his bards and then Priscilla dominates them. Featuring all my headcanons about dwarven genitalia (two holes, one with a retractible dick).

Dijkstra fics

Noticing Roche’s Fucked Up Relationship

Anyone else randomly finding themselves shipping Dijkstra/Roche? No? Ah well. For this one Dijkstra observes Roche and sees a few too many reminders of himself with Vizimir, except Foltest is no Vizimir, and Roche clearly hasn’t learned to set up boundaries. Dijkstra feels weirdly compelled to help him figure that out before Foltest destroys him.

Developing Respect Fic

Also known as “let’s torture Roche 1.0!” This fic switches between the present, where Roche has woken up in a cell somewhere unknown and it brings back far too many memories for him to be entirely sure of what is happening when. In the past, he was captured by Redania while on a mission for Foltest, long before he was anyone notable. Dijkstra comes to visit, curious about this prisoner who refuses to break, to even tell them his name or confirm his country (but he has a Temerian tramp stamp, so they know lmao). So Dijkstra decides that this is not a man who will be broken through torture and decides to try conversation instead. The idea is to show them slowly gaining respect for each other, but like, obviously Roche is still a prisoner. Eventually, he’s returned to Temeria in a prisoner exchange, but meanwhile, in the present, Roche is all alone, with not even guards around and no way to free himself.

and that’s all!! I am... legitimately scared to count, tbh. This post is so fucking long, the number cannot be good for my heart. But, that said, please come talk to me about any ideas you find interesting!! Or anything you have questions about! 

And if you made it this far down the list... wow. Thank you, you rock.

[searchingwardrobes]

The Convenient Groom: 3/12

I know Tuesday is the day for updating this fic, and I did finish this chapter last night, but I was too tired to go through the long process of posting it. But I’m not THAT late, right?

Summary: Killian Jones just happens to be there when Emma Swan gets the phone call that changes everything: her fiance is leaving her at the altar. The thing is, it also could mean the end of her career. Convenient that Killian has nothing better to do that day. Convenient that he’s secretly in love with her. Not that Emma has to know that. Written for @spartanguard​

Rating: M

Words: 5k in this chapter

Also on Ao3

Tagging: @snowbellewells​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @welllpthisishappening​ @kmomof4​ @teamhook​ @xhookswenchx​ @bethacaciakay​ @ohmakemeahercules​ @kday426​ @superchocovian​ @sherlockianwhovian​ @shireness-says​ @stahlop​ @scientificapricot​ @distant-rose​ @optomisticgirl​ @winterbaby89​ @wellhellotragic​ @branlovestowrite​ @tiganasummertree​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @vvbooklady1256​ @hollyethecurious​ @nikkiemms​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @jennjenn615​ @thislassishooked​ @snidgetsafan​ @let-it-raines​ @ekr032-blog-blog​ @carpedzem​ @profdanglaisstuff​

Chapter Three: Emma and Killian wake up (separately) the morning after their wedding of convenience and face the fallout.

Killian was awakened the next morning by his ringing phone, and when he went to reach for it, he almost fell off the narrow sofa. He almost forgot where he was until the crick in his neck and the light pouring through the glass doors leading to the suite’s balcony reminded him. In his confused state, he neglected to check the contact on the phone screen before he answered.

“Hello?” He blinked and rubbed his hand over his face as he swung his legs to the floor.

“What the bloody hell did you do?”

Liam’s voice was like ice cold water being poured over his head. “Wh-what are you talking about?”

“You got married?”

“How . . . “ Killian stammered, “you mean you know?”

“It’s all over the news, little brother. I woke up this morning and my phone was blowing up with texts. No one even knew you were in a relationship! What the hell is going on?”

Killian’s hand drifted from his jaw to his ear and back again as he rose and began to pace. “Well, you see, with Emma being a public figure and all, we just wanted to keep our relationship secret. And with her line of work, we knew whoever she dated, much less married, would be under a lot of scrutiny. I mean, our relationship would have been picked apart, so -”

“So you lied to me?”

Killian almost dropped the phone. The lies were only just beginning. “Um, more like, I withheld information.”

“Vital information!” Liam’s volume was climbing, and Killian pulled the phone farther away from his ear. “Elsa is pissed, and Anna literally cried because she missed the wedding. How could you do this to us - again? I thought I’d be your best man this time.”

Killian groaned as he heard the hurt clearly in his brother’s voice. “I’m sorry, truly I am. Emma and I are planning on doing a second, smaller ceremony for my friends and family.”

“So this was a publicity stunt. To promote her and her career.”

Great. Liam was pissed at Emma and they hadn’t even met. “A career which I support wholeheartedly. I didn’t even really care how we got married just so long as we did. I love her.”

It was the first truthful thing Killian had said since he answered the phone.

*****************************************************

Killian had the television on while he simultaneously scrolled through social media on his phone. Liam hadn’t been exaggerating: the media was buzzing about Emma Swan - the one single women around the globe turned to for relationship advice - getting married. People magazine apparently had the exclusive rights to the photographs, which would be published in their next issue, but Emma’s press agent had officially released one photograph and it was literally everywhere. It was of their first dance, when Killian had gotten Emma to laugh. He hoped she was at least smiling in the rest that would appear in People. His heart would break if her shock, pain, and betrayal were on display for the world to see. He’d deal with the media, his brother, his sisters in law and their emotions - all of it - to keep that from happening.

“Seriously? Already?”

He turned at the sound of Emma’s voice. She was standing there wrapped up in the resort bathrobe, a fluffy towel circling her head. He hadn’t even heard her stir in the other room. He fumbled for the remote and muted it.

“Um, aye, your wedding is big news apparently - I mean, our wedding.” He gave her a nervous smile and scratched behind his ear.

Emma moaned, collapsed onto the chair across from him, and covered her face with both hands. “I invited the media,” she mumbled before pulling her hands away with a sigh, “so I don’t know why I’m irritated. I guess I just didn’t expect all this attention so soon.”

Killian quirked a brow and waved his phone at her. “Well Swan, according to Instagram you’re #relationshipgoals to all of your followers.”

Emma grimaced, and he knew it was a bad joke. “Yeah, what goals? To get jilted at the altar and marry your carpenter instead?”

Killian shrugged. “It was a damn good arbor I made though, right?”

Emma managed to laugh. “It really was, Jones.”

A silence fell between them. Killian turned off the television and set his phone aside. He knew she didn’t need any of it right now. Emma untwisted the towel from her head and ran her fingers through her wet hair. The picture she made: her hair tumbling wild, her long legs peeking where the robe had fallen open, the top gaping and giving him a peek of her cleavage was all too much. He wished for a robe himself as his boxer briefs tightened. He snatched the blanket from the couch and held it around his waist as casually as he could as he stood and made his way to the bedroom.

“I think I’ll just, um . . . use the shower now myself,” he told her.

“Sure,” she replied, and when she smiled at him, he could swear he saw a twinkle in her eyes.

Emma had used up a lot of the hot water, but the cold shower was what he needed anyway. He lingered just long enough to wash away the sweat from the last twenty four hours and calm himself down. When he exited, he was relieved to see that his bags were lined up against Emma’s in the bedroom. The bellhop must have put them there the night before. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a simple grey tee from his bag. He had just slipped the shirt over his head when he heard a knock at the door and a voice call out “room service!”

Emma beat him to the door, and when Killian stepped out of the bedroom, she was ushering in a man pushing a tray that held their breakfast. Emma was still wearing the robe, and Killian didn’t miss the appreciative look the man gave her as he told her to enjoy her breakfast. Killian cleared his throat pointedly.

“Yes, we certainly will.”

The man had the decency to blush. “Um, yes, Mr. Jones. Enjoy your breakfast.”

Emma laughed after the man had shut the door behind him.

“What?”

“Jealous, Mr. Jones?”

Killian huffed. “Well, did you notice the way he was looking at you?”

Emma shrugged. “Well, to be fair, I’m wearing nothing but a bathrobe.”

“But you’re married!”

Emma’s eyes widened. “But we’re not actually a couple.”

“He doesn’t know that,” Killian grumbled.

Emma laughed again as she lifted the cover on one of the plates of food. Her laughter cut off sharply, however, and her hand froze in midair. “Are you kidding me?”

Killian rushed to her side, wondering what could be wrong with their breakfast, but then he saw it: the local newspaper tucked between the trays. The headline practically screamed: Emma Swan and New Husband Honeymoon on the Cape. Below it was the same official wedding photograph everyone else was posting along with a paparazzi shot of the two of them arriving last night in the limo. Emma banged the cover back onto the plate with a grunt of irritation.

“Everyone promised they would be discreet! The limo driver, the hotel manager . . . “ she trailed off with a scowl on her face.

“I’m sure they were, love. Anyone could have tipped off a reporter: a bellhop, a maid . . . “

Emma paced the room. “This means that any time we go out, there could be reporters.”

“Well,” Killian quipped, struggling to keep the shit eating grin off his face and failing spectacularly, “don’t most newlyweds stay in the majority of the time? Doing more enjoyable activities rather than sightseeing?”

Emma rolled her eyes, but a faint blush colored her cheeks. “I’m not going to hide.”

“In that case,” Killian replied, pulling the cover off a plate of eggs benedict and bacon, “I’m going to enjoy the view with my breakfast.”

He carried the plate, some silverware, and a tumbler of orange juice out onto the balcony. He breathed in the salty sea air and let the breeze wash over him.

“Relaxed?” Emma asked sarcastically. Killian turned to see her leaning against the open sliding glass door with her arms cross.

“Aye,” he answered, taking a bite of the eggs benedict and moaning. He was exaggerating slightly to get a rise out of Emma, but they were delicious. “By the way, love, if paparazzi are around, you may not want to lounge about our balcony in naught but your bathrobe.”

Emma blushed as she wrapped her arms around herself. “Do you always talk like a character in a Jane Austen novel?”

He laughed as Emma scurried to get dressed.

******************************************

Emma leaned over the bathroom sink to sweep some blush across her cheeks. She didn’t want to waste too much time primping; those eggs benedict looked amazing, and she didn’t want them to get cold. Yet Killian was right - a picture could be snapped anywhere, and she didn’t want to look pale and depressed She tossed aside her makeup brush, ran her fingers through her hair, and rushed back out to grab her breakfast. Before she could lift the cover on the second breakfast tray, her phone started to ring. She was so hungry, she almost ignored it, but at the last minute, she snatched it up. With the media all over her wedding, anything could go wrong.

Walsh.

Panic flooded through Emma at his name on her cell phone screen, and her hand trembled as she took the call.

“You married someone else?”

Emma clenched her teeth. “Why good morning to you too, Walsh. How is your day?”

“Don’t play coy with me, Emma. We break up, and the next morning I wake up to find your wedding day splashed all over the news?”

“You didn’t just break up with me, Walsh! You cheated on me! And you waited until our wedding day to tell me!”

“And that wedding was never anything more than a stunt for your career. I didn’t even have any say in it.”

“Oh really? So you didn’t get down on one knee and propose? I just imagined that?”

Walsh let out a long breath. “That was eight months ago. A lot has changed since then.”

“I’ll say,” Emma grumbled.

“Don’t put this all on me. I was always your dirty little secret. I couldn’t even tell anyone I was your boyfriend much less your fiance.”

“How dare you!” Emma’s voice had risen, but she didn’t care. “That was you, Walsh! You said you didn’t like that I had a blog or such a huge social media following. You said it made you nervous. You said people would violate your privacy and try to dig up dirt on our relationship. So we kept it secret - because it’s what you wanted. I was your dirty little secret, not the other way around.”

A sleepy, feminine voice came distantly through the phone. “Walsh? Who are you talking to? Come back to bed.”

Emma felt sick. She knew that voice.

“Zelena West? You cheated on me with that bitch?”

“Hey, don’t call her that,” Walsh snapped.

Emma rolled her eyes. Zelena West had overtly flirted with Walsh at every social function back in New York, yet Walsh had insisted constantly that the Broadway starlet was just his client, nothing more. Even worse, Zelena went out of her way to undermine Emma on social media, posting snarky tweets and YouTube videos contradicting Emma’s advice. As if a Broadway actress who slept her way into every role she ever had was qualified to give relationship advice. In Emma’s opinion, Zelena’s dating advice boiled down to “make your man happy with a fake ‘you’ and lots of sex.” Advice that basically took women backward about six decades.

“Is everything okay?”

Emma whirled to see Killian in the doorway to the balcony, his forehead creased with worry. On the other end of the line, Walsh laughed sardonically.

“Sounds like you’re one to talk. You’re on our honeymoon with - what did TMZ call him? Swan’s sexy catch?” Walsh laughed again. “I always wondered why that wedding arbor meant so much to you.”

“You don’t get to judge me!”

“The point is,” Walsh said, his voice turning serious, “we drifted apart as soon as you moved to Storybrooke. I’m a New Yorker through and through, Emma. That kind of life never would have been enough for me.’

Emma sank to the couch and was surprised when Killian sat down next to her and laid a hand comfortingly on her knee. “The thing is, Walsh, you should have told me all of this six months ago. I didn’t deserve what you did to me. I didn’t deserve your cheating or your lying.”

“Who’s lying now?”

The edge to his voice sent a chill down Emma’s spine and she glanced at Killian with a worried expression. He frowned and put an arm around her. Before this phone call, she would have pushed him away, but right now she appreciated the support.

“Are you threatening me, Walsh?”

“Don’t worry, I won’t ruin your facade of a marriage. Lord knows I don’t want my name dragged through the mud when it all blows up in your face.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“The truth will come out eventually, Emma, and when it does, your career will be over.”

“Sounds like a threat to me.”

“It isn’t, I promise you. I love Zelena, and I just want a clean break so I can give what I have with her a chance.”

“A clean break? That’s what leaving me on our wedding day is to you?”

“I can admit that my timing was bad, but you promise you won’t interfere with my relationship with Zelena?”

Emma rubbed her forehead wearily. “I don’t give a shit what you do with Zelena. Just stay out of my life. Don’t call me again.”

She hung up without waiting for a reply and tossed her phone down angrily on the sofa. Killian rubbed at her shoulder hesitantly.

“Anything I can do?”

Emma shook her head. “No.” Then she squared her shoulders and rose from the couch. “We have five days here in the Cape, and I intend to enjoy it.”

Killian smiled up at her. “That’s the spirit. How does the beach sound?”

“It sounds great,” she told him, struggling to put a brave smile on her face. Then she went back to the cart that held their breakfast. “But first - I’m starving!”

************************************************

Killian was glad that his swim trunks were roomier than his boxer briefs because Emma Swan made quite the picture lounging in a crimson string bikini. She’d been sunbathing for awhile on her back, and he’d thought that was a tantalizing picture, but his view now was just as delectable. She’d flipped over onto her stomach, propping herself up on her elbows to read a book. Her bikini bottoms hugged her ass just as well as the top hugged her breasts. It made his mouth dry thinking of how much he’d like to . . . he took a swig from a bottle of water then pressed the cool plastic to his forehead.

“Grab me one?” Emma asked, rolling onto her side and slipping a bookmark into her novel.

Killian pulled one out of the cooler provided by the resort. A wicker basket contained the remains of their lunch - sandwiches, grapes, slices of cheese, and gourmet pretzels. The honeymoon package at this resort was four star, and far nicer than anything Killian had experienced before. Yet Emma wasn’t pretentious in the least. He had learned enough about her over the past few months to know at least that much. She’d moved her life and her practice to Storybrooke because she wanted to really help people, not just cater to the elite in New York. Her therapy fees were a bargain, especially considering her level of education. She lived simply, and he wondered if it was a sacrifice so she could help more clients or just the way Emma Swan rolled. He looked forward to finding out.

He couldn’t really read Emma’s expression behind her sunglasses as she took the water from him, but he saw her lips curl up in a tiny smile. “What’s on your mind, Jones?”

He shook his head. “What?”

“If you stare at me any harder, you’re going to burn a whole in my head.”

He chuckled nervously. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

She took a sip of water. “About what?”

“You.”

“Oh,” Emma said softly.

“I mean, if we’re going to be husband and wife for eight months to a year, we should at least get to know each other.”

Emma was quiet a beat longer than he was comfortable with, but she finally gave a firm nod. “Okay, that’s fair.”

“Of course, we can start with me.” He reached into the basket for a handful of grapes and popped one into his mouth. “So shoot. Ask me anything.”

Emma arched a brow. “Anything?”

“Aye. I’m an open book.” Just don’t ask me how I feel about you. The grape almost stuck in his throat going down. Why was he agreeing to this?

“Okay, then,” Emma took a deep breath, “can you tell me about your first wife? I mean, just what you’re comfortable sharing.”

She was afraid she’d overstepped as Killian fell silent, rolling a grape between two fingers, his gaze distant. Then he popped the grape in his mouth, chewed, swallowed, then began to speak in a low voice.

“Her name was Milah. I was a senior at Bowdoin -”

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” Emma interrupted waving her hand around, “Bowdoin?”

Killian chuckled. “Didn’t expect a carpenter to be a college grad, did you?”

“Yes, I mean no, it’s just,” Emma blew a strand of hair off her forehead in frustration. “That came out wrong. Lots of small business owners have a degree, it’s just . . . Bowdoin?”

Killian nodded with a smug grin.

“Business major?”

“Double major in music and visual arts.”

Emma whistled. “Wow. No wonder your work is so beautiful.”

He scratched behind his ear, a tell Emma had already come to learn meant he was nervous or uncomfortable. “Thank you, Swan.”

“Bowdoin,” she repeated with a shake of her head.

“I know what you’re thinking. It’s expensive. I had scholarships. Two of them - one for art and one for music. It added up to a full ride, but I almost didn’t go.”

“What!”

Killian smiled wistfully. “Believe me, I know. I was young and impetuous. Thought I’d go into the navy, actually, but Liam talked sense into me.”

“He’s your brother?”

“Aye.”

They fell silent again, and Emma wondered if he’d change the subject, if all she’d get was a name and that he’d been a senior at Bowdoin when he met her.

“She was a professor, and she was already married” he finally said, glancing at her sideways as if expecting her reaction to be negative. Little did he know the stuff she’d heard as a psychiatrist. She doubted anything could shock her anymore. When all she did was nod, he continued. “Her husband was controlling, verbally abusive, and much older than her. He was wealthy, and she’d let herself get caught up in the trappings of his life. I think my youth, my freedom, were what appealed to her in the beginning. But over time, I don’t think anyone ever understood me the way she did. We were married at the justice of the peace a week after I graduated, only a month after her divorce was final. It was quite the scandal.”

Killian winked at her, but she got the feeling it was a deflection. She looked down at the beach blanket she was lying on and traced the pattern with her finger.

“What was she like?”

“Brilliant,” he sighed, “and vivacious. She didn’t take shit from anyone. Her husband must have been a right bastard to keep her under his thumb for so long.”

He hadn’t said a word about her looks, which surprised Emma. In her experience, it was the first thing men usually thought of when someone asked them to describe a woman.

“What was she professor of?”

“Music theory. She was quite the composer. The piano was her instrument, and she also had a beautiful voice.”

“What do you play?” Emma scooted closer. She had never imagined him as musical, just as a sweaty man flexing his muscles in that shop of his.

He smiled at her. “The guitar, but I haven’t played much since . . .”

Emma frowned. “Since she passed?”

Killian nodded. Emma scrambled up to sit cross legged on the beach blanket. The mood had gotten heavy, and she suddenly needed to lighten it. She still didn’t know how MIlah died, but perhaps now wasn’t the time. She grinned at Killian and poked him in the leg.

“Okay, Jones. Your turn to ask a question.”

He rubbed at his chin as he regarded her intensely, and Emma had to force herself not to squirm under his gaze. When he finally chose his question, it took her completely by surprise.

“I told you I haven’t read your book, and despite our cover story, I’ve never followed you online either. So tell me, Swan. What exactly is your philosophy on romance?”

Relief and eagerness simultaneously coursed through her. On the one hand, she was relieved that it was a professional question rather than a personal one. On the other, she always got excited talking about her ideas regarding relationships.

“Well, first of all, it’s not about romance, it’s about building solid relationships.”

“You don’t believe in romance?”

Emma shrugged. “There’s obvious biochemical reactions when we are attracted to someone.”

Killian leaned close. “I said romance, not attraction, love.”

Emma glared at him over the rim of her sunglasses as she shoved him playfully in the shoulder. “Okay, smart ass, but what I’m saying is that women in particular can get caught up in what you call romance and miss the reality of who the person they are dating actually is. Men are experts at playing on a woman’s emotions as well in order to get what they want. So step one is for a woman to watch out for those tricks, to understand the games men play so they won’t be duped.”

This was usually the part where men got defensive and started arguing with her, but Killian didn’t.

“What’s step two?”

“Well, step two is the compatibility quotient.”

“Ah, I see, like those algorithms dating sites use.”

Emma shook her head. “No. Those are questions to measure personality compatibility. I help women figure out what they want in a partner. Everything from their professional goals to family goals, even whether they are more an urbanite or suburbanite or like to live way out in the country.”

“Let me guess. There’s a chart.”

Emma huffed. “Are you making fun of me?”

Killian lifted both hands in surrender. “Not at all, Swan. Just a simple question.”

“Yes,” she admitted, “there’s a chart. And I always recommend that women review what it is they want both before and after each date. If the man they’re seeing doesn’t fit, even if it’s only the first date, they end it. Of course, there’s always the red flags to look for too.”

Killian nodded, and you could have knocked her over with a feather at the way he was mulling over her words. Most men were pissed at her by now. Even Walsh had been before she explained how he perfectly fit everything she had been looking for.

Or so she had thought.

“Red flags are definitely important. Milah said there were several before she married Robert, but she’d been blinded by their whirlwind romance.”

“Not rushing into things, that’s important too.”

“Chapter?” Killian asked with a grin.

Emma grinned back. “Chapter four - Seriously Ladies, What’s the Rush?”

“What’s the rush as in my groom just left me and I need a replacement in six hours rush?”

Emma groaned, even though a laugh bubbled out of her unbidden. “I don’t think I covered this scenario in my book.”

“Well, Swan, maybe this will be fodder for your third book.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d said that, and Emma sensed a tone of self-deprecation in his words even though it was worded as a joke.

“So what do you think?” she asked.

“About your third book?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “No, about my theories.”

Killian was silent for a long time. He spread out on his side and propped himself up on his elbows so he was looking right up into her eyes.

“I think it’s all rather clinical, to be honest. I don’t know that love can be boiled down to compatibility or goals in life. I think love is messy and always a risk. It upends your life so that it’s never the same.”

Emma usually got angry when men argued with her about her life’s work, but something about Killian’s voice softened his words.

“I agree, and that’s just it. Women have to protect themselves from allowing their lives to be upended by the wrong person.”

Emma’s face burned as she realized what she was saying. Obviously, her life had been upended by the wrong person. How could she have missed the signs?

“Milah would have liked you, Emma.”

Her eyes widened at Killian’s words and the soft smile upon his face. He could call her out; point out the very obvious failure she had been at her own relationship, but he didn’t. Another long, silent moment passed between them before Emma cleared her throat and started rummaging through the drawstring bag she’d brought along. She pulled out a bottle of sunscreen and started rubbing it into her skin. She had a tendency to burn, and she wasn’t about to spend the rest of their trip miserable and slathered in aloe vera.

Killian sat up and drew closer, reaching around her for the sunscreen and lowering his lips to her ear. “Don’t look, but farther down the beach, behind that sand dune is a man with a camera. He doesn’t look like a tourist, and the camera’s trained on us, not the water.”

Emma froze. “What do we do?”

“Give him what he wants,” Killian answered. “A woman in love would ask the man in her life to do her back, right?”

Emma could only nod as she gathered her hair off her neck. Killian sat behind her and squirted sunscreen into his palm. The sunscreen was cold at first against her skin, but then the warmth of his hands had her muscles relaxing. His fingers were calloused, his touch firm yet gentle. She bit her lower lip as he worked the lotion into her shoulder, her neck, then her upper back. He slid his fingers beneath the straps of her bikini so he wouldn’t miss a spot, then massaged down her lower back, his thumb trailing along the waistband of her bikini bottoms. She hoped he didn’t feel the shiver that coursed through her.

“Lie down.”

His lips brushed the shell of her ear, and she almost leaned back against him with a sigh before his words registered with her brain.

“Excuse me?”

“Lie down. I’ll get the backs of your legs.”

Emma managed to nod and did as he asked, propping her chin on her crossed arms. He massaged the lotion into her thighs and then her calves with such delicious circles of his thumbs that she almost let out a moan.

“Done,” he told her in a husky voice.

Emma rolled over to find herself caged between his arms. “Thank you,” she managed to choke out, yet he didn’t move.

“Newlyweds would kiss right now, don’t you think?”

“Why? Is he still taking pictures?”

Killian leaned in closer and gently removed her sunglasses. “Probably.”

“Then I guess we should.”

“Should what?” his lips were so close now, she could hardly breathe.

“Kiss,” she breathed.

“Right,” his lips brushed hers, then he pressed them against hers firmly. She kissed him back, opening for him immediately. Her arms encircled his neck, bringing him down to her. He could have taken advantage of the situation, pressing his body to hers, exploring her barely clothed figure with his hands, but he didn’t. He rested on his side, slipping one hand beneath her head and caressing her upper arm with his other. When he pulled away, he stayed close, their breaths still mingling.

“That was pretty good acting,” she told him with a shaky voice.

“Right,” he said, rolling onto his back and flinging an arm over his eyes, “acting.”

Now Emma rolled over, caging him between her arms instead. “Hey,” she teased him, “I think we’ve put on a pretty convincing show. Now how about we get out into that water?”

Killian pulled his arm away from his face and squinted in the sun. “Race you to the water?”

“You’re on!”

Emma thought she had the advantage, considering their positions, until Killian grabbed her around the waist. She yelped as he deposited her right on her rear. He then took off for the water line as she scrambled to her feet. She could scarcely breathe, she was laughing so hard.

Not the way she’d imagined this honeymoon twenty four hours ago, that was for sure. She’d expected to be holed up in her room watching rom coms and binge eating ice cream. Instead she was laughing on the beach with Killian Jones who just happened to be a damn good kisser.

[notsiriusatall]

Forget What I Said, It's Not What I Meant

He’s not sure what time it is when he wakes up, but the throbbing in his head and wrist remind Sirius of what’s going on before he even opens his eyes. 

“Doe?”

Sirius pushes the blanket off of his head and sits up as best he can. Every part of him aches, the pain of the past thirty six hours finally fully hitting him. He sucks in a breath and touches his ribs gingerly-at least one of them has to be broken.

“Fraid not, bro.”

Sirius turns towards the sound of James’ voice. Why do people keep cleaning his kitchen? Well he knows why, but he doesn’t really see the point in cleaning up a mess that doesn’t have an end in sight. Though he should probably abandon that style of thinking if he wants any chance of cleaning up the mess of himself. James is making pancakes, Sirius watches as he throws one at Grim who has abandoned his post at Sirius’s side in an effort to receive snacks. Sirius swallows, his throat raw from dehydration and the yelling he vaguely remembers doing last night. 

“James. I’m so sor-”

“I’m not taking any more apologies from you, Siri.” James says, his voice light and easy. “I’m not mad. You scared the shit out of me, but I’m not mad. But you don’t get to say sorry anymore unless you do something to fix it, okay?” 

Sirius nods, his throat scratchy and feeling as raw as the rest of him. 

“Okay.”

He sits in silence for a few moments, his heartbeat in his head as the hangover he’d pushed back finally settles in with full force.  Sirius pokes at his wrist, James must have bandaged it in his sleep, and sucks in a breath when his touch causes more red to seep into the white of the bandage. Sirius closes his eyes as the weight of everything crashes around him, eerily calm now that he’s on the other side of it, but the blood on his wrist won’t let him forget how close to the end he had been. 

This has to be rock bottom, right? There’s no way he could go any lower, right?

“Did you mean it?” James asks, coming around the couch and handing him a plate of pancakes. Sirius has a strange urge to cry when he looks at the smiley face James has painted with syrup.

“...mean what?”

He doesn’t know if he’s actually able to discuss all of this with James, but he guesses he doesn’t have much of a choice. How do you tell the person who has saved your life countless times that you can’t picture a future where you’re happy? Where you’re anything but a burden to the people you care about? 

James stuffs his mouth full of pancakes as Sirius stares at the syrup as it slides off the top of the stack. 

“Siri. You need to eat something.”

“Fine.” 

He takes a half hearted bite as James speaks.

“Did you mean it when you said you wanted help?” 

The hope in his best friend’s voice about kills him. Sirius fights through the shame and looks up, meeting James’s eyes.

“Yeah-” 

His voice cracks and shame wins out, his head falling back down to his plate. Grim noses his way between his knees, his snout just touching the plate, asking without asking. The couch shifts as James sits next to him.

“Good. Because-god, Sirius. Finding you like that-”

“I know.” His voice is too high. He feels sick but he cuts off another bite of pancake to make it up to James.

“You don’t, dude. It was...I can’t lose you, okay? Especially not like that.” 

Sirius breathes in and wills himself to sink into the leather of the couch. He closes his eyes as he threads his fingers in his hair, the giant knot he hasn’t bothered to brush out catching in his fingers.

“I-I don’t want to-I don’t want that either, but if I-when I’m sober it’s okay almost. But I can’t..I have to drink, James. I don’t think I can stop on my own”

He’s never admitted that out loud before. A small weight leaves the space between his shoulder blades.

“Okay.”

Sirius opens his eyes just in time to see James nod twice.

“I know a place-”

“I’m not going to the hospital.”

He says this with more authority in his voice than he deserves to have, but Sirius doesn’t care. Between a life time of his mother’s grooming and what had happened to Reg, if he never steps foot inside of a hospital again it’ll be too soon.

“Jesus fucking christ, will you let me finish?” James actually sounds pissed...well not pissed just frustrated. Sirius shuts up and looks at him expectantly. James sighs.

“There’s a place my professor works at sometimes, it’s inpatient-but its not hospital. It’s kind of got a...dentist office vibe.”

Sirius laughs and even though it sounds wrong, James smiling back at him makes it worth it.

“They’re not gonna like...I don’t know, do medical shit on me?” He asks, anxiety building in his chest. God, he wants a drink.

“I mean they might fix up your wrist a little better than me, but uh, we can tell them about your aversion.”

Sirius nods, not entirely liking how appealing it’s beginning to sound.

“They’ll uh, well they’ll work with you to get you sober. And you’d have to talk to a therapist.”

Sirius frowns, any hope he had slipping away.

“You mean I’ll sit there while a therapist talks at me.”

James sighs.

“Siri-”

“I’ll go, but only to dry out. Not for any of that other shit.”

James opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it.

“Fine. But you’re staying for a month.”

Sirius laughs, incredulous.

“A month? I thought like, maybe a long weekend.”

James gets up, not looking at him as he walks towards the kitchen.

“Then you’re not fucking going, if you’re not going to take it seriously.”

“I take everything Siriusouly.”

Sirius watches as James stiffens at the sink. He puts his plate down and turns, his hands bracing himself on the island as he speaks, his anger barely contained, his knuckles whitening.

“Right, now’s the time for jokes, after I sped over here, almost crashed my fucking car because you sounded like you were fucking dying on the phone. Because my first instinct when Doe called Lily and asked for a ride and mentioned you was that you were going to try to die. That’s really fucking funny, Sirius. It’s all just a big fucking joke, right? Me panicking trying to figure out how the fuck I’m supposed to get through everything left in my life without you if you die, Lily in fucking hysterics when I called her a bit ago and Dorcas-”

“Don’t.” Sirius says, anger taking over even the shame. “Don’t bring her into this.”

“You brought her into this, dude. And she’s already in it whether you like it or not. We fucking care about you. We’re fucking terrified, Sirius. And not just for you...I’m scared of you. I have no idea what you’re going to do next, I have no idea who you are and I thought maybe I could stick it out long enough to see if my best friend would come back but if you’re just going to sit there and think you can solve your problems with a long weekend of minorly giving a shit then I don’t think you’re ever going to come back. And I don’t think you’re ever going to beat this. You need to wake the fuck up, Sirius. You have a choice to make-you can stay down at the bottom or you can fucking try.”

James searches his face as his words sink in. Sirius knows he’s right. But, more importantly, Sirius wants him to be right. This has to be a turning point-he didn’t push that glass deeper for a reason. There was something in him that wanted to live, needed to live, and it was time. Sirius puts his barely touched pancakes on the coffee table and stands. James’s gaze doesn’t leave him, challenging him and begging him at the same time.

“...what happens to Grim?”

James smiles at him sadly.

“He can come stay with us.”

Sirius nods, looking down. 

“Will you tell her I’m sorry?”

Sirius doesn’t need to clarify who ‘her’ is.

“You’ll tell her yourself.”

“In a month.”

“In a month.”

Sirius nods. 

“What do I-how do you even pack for rehab?”

~

Sirius hates most of the people here, but that was the case no matter where he went. It was a bougie place-to be expected given James’s connections, but Jesus. Its hard to find empathy in your fellow addicts when they’re all vapid pieces of low-fat cornbread. Still, he has to admit he feels better than he has in months. The first few days were hell with alcohol withdrawls-and a wake up call. He’d never considered himself an alcoholic, not really. Not any more than anyone else he knew who was in their early twenties. Of course he had been kidding himself, and there was strange comfort in the label, though he’ll never admit it. 

He’s on his way back from his one on one therapy right now. His therapist is a pretty redhead with gappy teeth named Samantha, and he was annoyingly patient. She’d given him a notebook after he’d spent their whole first session in silence, and spent the next silent one offering Sirius suggestions as what to write. She’d mentioned the word letter and it was all over. Not that writing letters to Doe had ever been over in the first place. Sirius had talked at the third session, he asked her how he could not want to die all the time. They’d talked a little more and more and now he almost trusted her, two weeks in. Not enough to tell her anything significant, but still.She’d picked up on that.

“There’s something you aren’t telling me.”

“You got that right.”

“This is only as effective as you let it be, Sirius.”

“That sounds like a cop out.”

She’d laughed at that, and for a second, Sirius let himself imagine that it was Doe’s laughter, that he was somewhere, anywhere, with her. That he hadn’t been messed up and broken from the very start, that he could be someone she deserves. 

Cause even though Sirius is still hopelessly in love with her, he’s going to try his best to not stand in her way. Not poison her more than he already has. He almost told Samantha about that. Almost. But telling her about Dorcas lead him down a nasty path of his past, one that they’d also almost uncovered when Samantha had suggested an antidepressant and Sirius had gone borderline ballistic.

“If we just try-”

“If you try to give me a pill I’m walking out that fucking door and never coming back.”

She’d told him next session that she’d met with the substance counselor and determined together that getting Sirius on something else wasn’t the best step, but he was pretty sure she was lying. She’d decided not to give it to him to appease him-and even though Sirius could see through it, it didn’t mean it didn’t work.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he bumps into something. When he pulls himself out of his head, he registers the piano bench. Sirius glances around him-it was their hour and a half of free time between therapies and dinner. A few of the other residents-as the staff insisted they be called-were scattered on the various couches in the rec room. Some watching a movie, some reading-no one would notice, right? His fingers itch with an urge he hadn’t felt in forever. Cautiously, he slides onto the bench, moving the cover off the keys. He hits middle C. It’s terribly out of tune. He glances around and no one has looked up from their own business. Something like joy threatens to creep into his chest as he starts to play-singing along before he can stop himself.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help

Falling In Love with you.

He keeps glancing at Dorcas next to him on the bench in his apartment, butterflies everywhere inside of him. He hasn’t told her before, not in so many words. Not that this was you know, words, but he hopes she’ll be able to read between the lines. He turns his attention back to the keys, his face hot for some reason as he finishes the notes. He hand covers him as he hits the last keys and he breaks out into a big grin as he faces her.

“So, what do you think?”

She’s beaming back at him, her eyes full of his answer before she even speaks.

“You’ve been practicing.”

He nods, his voice falling to a whisper, feeling like the entire world existed for just the two of them.

“Every day.”

“Siri?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

He hits a wrong note and pulls himself out of his memories. He stops and shakes himself.

“You’re really good.”

Sirius about jumps out of his skin. He turns and sees one of the Mindys smiling at him, her too thin hands draped over the top of the standing piano.

“Oh-thanks. Just you know, something to do.”

She smiles at him in a way that’s uncomfortably familiar. “I could give you something to do.”

Sirius laughs awkwardly and slides off of the bench in the opposite direction of her. She is pretty, in a Boston Barbie type of way. He was pretty sure she was in for a coke habit, or maybe she sniffed incessantly for some other reason. There was a point, aka three weeks ago, where he would’ve thrown caution to the wind and gone with the Mindy to the very romantic broom closet he knew people hooked up in, but instead, Sirius shakes his head.

“I’m uh, good. Thanks.”

She glares at him and walks back to her group on the sofas. Maybe this was progress. 

Sirius looks at the piano, wondering if that was progress too. Tomorrow was Saturday, when they got visitors, and he knew James would be coming, like always. Last time he’d brought Lily and Grim-but the dog wasn't allowed in and since Sirius didn’t think he could handle seeing Lily, they’d both waited in the car. For a stupid fleeting moment, Sirius wonders if James would bring Doe, but he pushes the thought out of his mind as he makes his way to the phone, calling collect. He holds his breath but releases it when James answers.

“Couldn’t wait one more day, sweetheart?”

Sirius laughs, the eagerness in James’ voice it’s own reward. He had a suspicion his best friend might know who he was again, and regardless of what else happens when Sirius gets out of here, he’s going to try to keep it that way.

“You know it, no bespectacled black gentlemen are in here with me, it’s unbearable.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s racist.”

Sirius laughs again but swallows hard as he gears up to ask.

“Could you uh, do me a favor?”

“Is it saving your ass and bullying you into getting your life together? Cause I’m still working on that one.”

“Uh, no. I mean, well, yeah. But um...can you swing by my place and bring me my guitar tomorrow?”

. 

[heartofsnark]

NSFW Alphabet: Tsuneko (Custom MC)

Note: So, finals is upon me and instead of working on things that will drastically impact my future, I’ve spent three days writing this and making moodboards. I’ve been encouraged by @otomemonogatari who’s mention never seems to fucking work, cause this is a hellsite. I’ve already posted a shit edit and a moodboard of my mc, so here’s more garbage. 

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

She’s super giggly, affectionate, and happy after sex. In general, she’s smiling and just soaking in the after glow. It’s almost like she’s cum drunk or high, she’s just smiling big and giggling as she catches her breath. She’ll be giving small pecks as she settles in to cuddles or as she’s giving after care if she was domming. She’ll want to cuddle and be affectionate, but she’s useless at talking or anything post sex. She just wants to cuddle up and pass out after. Also, she’ll be starving in the morning and eat a huge breakfast. Get her off in the morning and she’ll eat everything within a five mile radius

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On her partner, she loves hands. She’s very petite and every partner she’s had has been bigger, with bigger hands. She wants their hands everywhere. Gropes her ass, tits, finger her, she likes sucking on fingers. She likes doing that hand thing where you compare hand size. Hand holding is also weird for her, cause she’ll be a little turned on, it’s not so innocent with her

She likes her breasts. She’d never admit it, but she’s really happy with her chest. She’s roughly a d or a dd, but with a smaller rib cage measurement (she’s petite and curvy), so her chest suits her frame and they’re full and soft while still being pretty perky. She has freckles across her chest and peachy pink nipples. Her tits are just a sight. Someone should probably be touching and looking at them, all of the time.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

She likes facials and being cummed on in general, something about it feels kind of dirty and shameful. She’s never been creampied, but she does like the idea and if she’s ever with a partner she trusts enough to do it, she’d love to try it out. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

She has more wet dreams than she’d care to admit. She either has nightmares, wet dreams, or something that mixes the two. She doesn’t always cum in them, but waking up to soaked panties is a norm for her. She’s pretty embarrassed about it, she hates sharing a bed with people because of this.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

She’s had two past partners; both kind of complicated on and off type deals. She’s had sex fairly often in each relationship, she definitely has gotten comfortable with what she enjoys and how to please her partner. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Any position where she’s off the ground, her partner lifting her is nice. Both of her past partners were significantly taller than her, most people are. There’s something really exciting about feeling so powerless and not even being able to put her feet on the ground; like she’s just being used. The first time her girlfriend lifted her up and ate her out, she thought she died and went to heaven.

LACE: http://sexpositions.club/positions/231.html

BUTTERFLY: http://sexpositions.club/positions/58.html

SEESAW: http://sexpositions.club/positions/96.html

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

She’s not goofy, so much as relaxed. She tends to be a serious and anxious person, if she’s having sex with someone it means she trusts them and can actually relax around them to some degree. For her sex is meant to be something fun, if she’s not relaxed and comfortable with a person, she can’t do it. She’s doesn’t make jokes or anything, but she’s there to have a good time.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

She trims her pubic hair and tries to keep it relatively neat, but there are definite times where it’s not as well taken care as she’d like. But, most of the time she has a small neat patch of thick pubic hair. The color is the same chocolate brown as the hair on her head.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Tsuneko struggles with intimacy and being romantic. Anytime she says or does something romantic, it’s an accident. She’s more likely to say “I love you, you fucking idiot” than a kind or soft proclamation of love. During sex, she’s typically more focused on the physical aspect, feeling their body and not the love. She’ll get softer and sweeter after, but in the moment she’s just focused on everybody getting off. She also doesn’t really set up romantic moments, she’s not a candle light and rose petals kind of girl. She’s more of a, “Hey, can we fuck?” kind of girl when she wants to have sex with her partner. So, romantic.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Tsuneko masturbates pretty often, at least a couple times a week. She’s not comfortable having sex outside of a trusting relationship, but she also has a high sex drive, which means taking care of herself when she’s single. She has a box of sex toys she keeps tucked away; vibrators, dildos, bad dragon type stuff, and just a lot. She splurges on toys a lot more than she’d really care to admit. Tsuneko also like the cute ones with pink hearts and little gem stones.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Overstimulation is one for sure, she likes giving and receiving it. She loves being pushed so far into pleasure that she’s fighting to get away from stimulation, her eyes are rolling and she feels like she might pass out. It’s intense and leaves her completely satisfied after. Tsuneko also likes seeing her partner flushed and needy, knowing she’s giving them that same kind of intense rush and pleasure.

Kissing Kink might not sound like a thing, but for her it is. She goes weak for deep kisses, her face flushes and her eyes roll back. Slow, deep, wet and desperate; she love it and absolutely loses her mind. She’ll grip their clothes and grind her hips. One kiss makes her needy and wanting as she whimpers into their mouth.

Oral Fixation/Kink she wants to taste as much of her partner as she can. She wants her tongue roaming in their mouth during kisses, she wants to lick and bite down their neck and chest, leaving a trail of saliva and marks across their body. It’s not her fault that they taste so fucking good.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

She prefers somewhere private, anywhere in the home is fine as long as the door is locked. She doesn’t mind open or brightly lit areas, so long as she doesn’t have to actually worry about actually getting caught. Her absolute favorite would probably be the living room, desperate and grabbing at her partner as soon as she comes home.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Adrenaline, following exercise and anything thrilling, she wants to get laid. She doesn’t get to exercise as much as she use to do, but coming out of the gym she always wants to continue chasing that adrenaline high right into an orgasm. She’s pumped and doesn’t want the energy to go to waste.

The smell of her partner, she has a slight thing for scents. Once she’s in a relationship, her partner’s smell becomes a huge comfort to her. It grounds her and can relax her after a shitty day, as well as turn her on a bit. She’s prone to stealing her partner’s clothes so she can smell them and sometimes her hands start to wander, before she know it she’s turned on and touching herself in their clothes.

Praise/Compliments, she gets embarrassed and blushes bright red, but she fucking loves it. She’ll tell her partner to shut up and hides her face, but she’s so amazed that someone think highly of her. She just wants to kiss and jump on them because she doesn’t have to explain how emotional she feels if her mouth is busy.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything super gross, shit and piss would be a hard no for her. Also anything super dangerous, she can get into and love some rougher stuff, but like murder her or set her on fire. Breath play is hit and miss for her, she has some hang ups but also some fascinations that might not actually be healthy.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

She prefers giving. Tsuneko has an oral fixation and finds it easier to give head in either a dom or sub mindset. She can be dragged by her hair to get her face fucked or ridden, but she can also pin their hips down and tease them with her tongue. While she likes getting head, she tends to get embarrassed by someone eating her out, which means she prefers it for subbier moments. It’s hard to keep the dom composure when you’re bright red and dying, tho she’d try if they wanted her to. 

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

If she’s setting the pace it’s going to be hard and fast, but last a while. She wants to milk as many orgasm out of both herself and her partner as she can. She can do slow and sensual, but she tends to get overwhelmed and blushy if it’s too romantic.  

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

She’s definitely okay with quickies, tho they aren’t her pick. She likes going as long as possible, which kind of negates the purpose of a quickie. But, especially when she’s stressed and nice to just quickly get together to have at least one orgasm as soon as possible.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

She’s good with risk, as long as there isn’t a threat of imminent death. If she’s close enough with someone to let them see her naked and physically enter her body in some way, shape, or form then she must trust them implicitly to know they wouldn’t hurt them. As long as everything is done the safest way possible and well researched, she’s willing to try some more risque stuff.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

She doesn’t last very long, but she can go several several rounds. Tsuneko doesn’t believe in too much of a good thing when it comes to orgasms, there's always a reason to have more orgasms. She wants to go until she’s physically exhausted and her body is sore the next day. A sore clit and pussy by the end is just a sign it was a good session.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

She owns a lot of toys. Dildos, both more traditional and bad dragon types ones, with ridges and tentacle dildos. She has vibrators, buttplugs, and strap-ons within her box of toys. So, she’s obviously fine with toys on her and then it just depends on her partner. Her ex girlfriend and her used toys on each other a lot. Her ex boyfriend and her less so. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She likes teasing during build up, seeing her partner flushed and needy is definitely attractive. But, she does hit a point where she just wants to get to business. Once she’s crossed the threshold she can’t stand teasing or being teased. She’s get whiney and start making demands if she’s a sub being teased to much. If she’s domming than basically, once she’s got their clothes off, she wants to start playing with them, maybe a bit of teasing but not much.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

She whimpers and whines more than anything. She’s definitely not the type to let out those big loud hentai/porn yells, but she’s needy and will be whimpering a lot if she’s subbing. If she’s domming, she’ll work harder to suppress her noises and focus on just talking to her sub. She knows her noises tend to not communicate control or power, so she just dirty talks more to cover it up.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

She’s the jealous type, she doesn’t like seeing people flirt with her partner and she’s crushed if her partner shows any interest. It boils down to insecurity and anxiety about being left. But, this in combination with her oral fixation leads to lots of hickies. If her partner doesn’t have any marks when the jealousy hit, she’ll spend the rest of the night covering them in love bites. If they already have a hickey, she’ll reach up and rub her thumb over the mark, reminding them both who they’re with.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Turns out, I don’t know how to describe dicks or pussies. Tsuneko is petite, so she’s probably a bit tight, but she gets wet really easily and gets soaked, which helps with bigger things. Like her nipples and lips, the inside has a very soft peachy pink color. Her outer lips are a little puffy, just a bit of her inner lips peek through. Her clit is a bit small, but swells up a fair amount when she’s aroused,

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Her sex drive is pretty high, she’s not hard to arouse and if she’s in a relationship, she basically is always down to sleep with her partner. She very rarely turns her partner down, if she’s awake she’d be cool with fucking her partner. She doesn’t mind being awoken to sex either, finding someone she feel comfortable sharing any of her life with let alone her body is rare, so once she has them she just wants to be with them constantly.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Tsuneko spends some time snuggling and giving little kisses, but it only lasts a minute or two before she’s falling asleep against them. But, she cuddles in her sleep too, she clings like a koala. She’ll try to stay awake for longer if her partner wants to chat, but she’s dozing off in the middle of their sentence. It’s just not gonna work. Don’t waste your time talking to her while she’s still cum drunk, she’s just gonna giggle and pass out.

[derangedroyalfae]

Feb 4, 2019 12:30AM

Royal (Feb 3, 11:24 PM) I'm sorry, I'll stop focusing on this

I thought maybe looking back at the old love songs I wrote might be helpful

Jewel (11:25 PM) Did it help?

Royal (11:26 PM) not really…

I look back and almost finding myself thinking "fool"

Jewel (11:26 PM) Ah, I know that feeling

Royal (11:26 PM) it doesn't help that nearly all of them were written before we had gotten to our first anniversary

they all make it sound like we've been together for so long at that point, but it hadn't even been a year

well, aside from Down Low, but it's literally about impulsively jumping into a relationship (sexually too) and wanting to talk about it, but you have to tell yourself you shouldn't

Jewel (11:28 PM) Also, the "counting the days" thing really surprised me and reminded me of Jolly

Not saying he's as bad as Jolly or anything but that thing definitely reminded me of him

Royal (11:29 PM) in fact, Down Low even has a line where it's like "Oh shit what have I gotten into"

"Said we'd wait ~ But we took a big leap ~ And now we're sinking in way too deep"

"Feelings' in the fast lane ~ Body's in the fast lane ~ You're in the fast lane ~ Oh no ~ Here we go"

I purposely talk about the sexual components of it, because us get "frisky" is what put us in the relationship

even then I knew I was being stupid and rash

but I passed it up as something cute and made a cheesy love song from it

Jewel (11:32 PM) I still remember the exact moment you told me

If I'm honest, I was definitely surprised and a bit worried cuz it was so sudden, but I was still hopeful cuz you seemed quite happy and I really wanted you to be happy after that whole thing with those two

Royal (11:35 PM) it was because I was happy, because it was thrilling and not what I just was (depressed and neglected), that I could ignore that it was a stupid move

it's like taking a drug or over-indulging in your favorite food, you know it's bad for you but it feels so good in the moment

Jewel (11:36 PM) I understand

Royal (11:36 PM) I still feel guilty, like it counts as cheating, since it was before the breakup that we technically got together

Jewel (11:36 PM) My own relationship was quite impulsive, so I can relate to that impulse

Since I only knew him for a week

Yeah, the whole thing was a little patchy that way

Royal (11:37 PM) not that Trainwreck/Error would have fucking cared

they were going to breakup with me, but Error hadn't known that I knew, so it still felt wrong

Jewel (11:38 PM) I get you

Though their behavior in that whole thing was just weird

Royal (11:39 PM) they're cunts, plain and simple

Trainwreck especially

Jewel (11:39 PM) Oh for sure

Royal (11:40 PM) but I hadn't known it at the time, so I still feel bad that I'd do that to people who weren't bad in my eyes

it's morally gray

Jewel (11:40 PM) I really relate to that too in a bit of a different way, so I get you

Ya know, I don't actually know if I ever mentioned this, but I used to have this huge crush on one of my coworkers at my college workplace

Well nothing of course came from it, but I already liked him before I had broken up sort of. It's gray.  But mainly I felt like it was wrong for me to suddenly not feel into Jolly and just start wanting someone else.

Royal (11:44 PM) I had a crush on Nurd before my relationship ended (though I'm sure you read/remember that), but then again, I'm polyamorous, and the people who were supposed to love me weren't giving me TLC

Jewel (11:44 PM) Yeah

Royal (11:44 PM) it's normal for people to crush on others even when in a relationship, it's different when you act upon it

Jewel (11:45 PM) Though it's different if it's paired with a simultaneous feeling of losing interest in your current partner

That's what I felt bad about

Royal (11:45 PM) I acted upon it

you did not

but your point is valid

Jewel (11:46 PM) Though hey, at least I didn't tell him and then try to introduce them to try to make them be friends amirite

Royal (11:46 PM) *feels kinda called out*

Jewel (11:46 PM) Did I mention Jolly did that with a girl he "fell in love with" while he was with me

Royal (11:47 PM) oh yeah

I never forgot about that one, still think about what an asshat move that was

Jewel (11:48 PM) I was already having a shit day that day cuz my theater professor who I specifically told I wanted to be referred to by male pronouns proceeded to, after telling me to my face he would, not do that.

Royal (11:51 PM) What if I know by the end of this month that I should break up with him? Can I really keep up a charade until the semester is over, for a couple more months? Doesn't that make me as bad as Trainwreck/Error? Isn't that like leading him on?

I suppose, I should think about it like this: it depends on how I feel AT (not by) the end of the semester

Jewel (11:52 PM) Honestly, I don't think you should wait if you're sure and wait if you're not

Like don't keep waiting after you're sure and just put up an act to keep to a set time to break up

Royal (11:52 PM) you mean that I should wait if I'm not sure

Jewel (11:52 PM) Yeah

Royal (11:54 PM) the worst part is, I don't feel like I'd have anything to lose by breaking up with him, besides maybe losing him (and probably Jenna) forever [and pissing off my own family or making them say "I told you so"]

and with how I feel right now, I'm fine with losing him forever

I can live without him

but that's how I feel right now and that could be wrong

Jewel (11:56 PM) Man, I gotta say, these feelings you're describing sound so familiar to me

Including feeling like that could change

Royal (11:56 PM) he's just another human being, and he filled the role my heart wanted him to play and groomed me until I found some better place of mind

I don't need him anymore, and I feel like an awful person for saying that

Jewel (11:56 PM) But ultimately, you're gonna have to talk about this to him honestly, for both of your sake

Regardless of how things change, do you really see things going back to how they were at your highest point of happiness with him? If not, then that's a big thing to consider. Not saying you should make the decision now. But yeah.

Royal (11:58 PM) I'm NOT deciding now

and I suppose, when I added to my post about "I won’t break up with him until after the current semester is finished, not unless things get way too hectic"

I suppose by "hectic" I mean if I really feel like it's wrong and a terrible thing of me to make him stay

Jewel (11:59 PM) I suppose I was unsure cuz at least the way the post looks to me now (don't know if you changed it), it says "I will" at the end

Royal (Feb 4, 12:00 AM) "I’m not saying it’s official, but here is what my plan is should it be"

NOT saying it’s official and SHOULD it be

meaning, this is a hypothetical situation

Jewel (12:00 AM) Oh

My mind did not compute "is should it be" properly but I get it better now

Also my words about "not saying you should make the decision now" was mainly clarifying my own intent so it didn't come off wrong

Royal (12:02 AM) I can live with him seeing me as a terrible person, because I feel like one

Jewel (12:03 AM) Like I don't want any of my words to sound like pushing you one way or other because obviously this is ultimately your decision

Royal (12:03 AM) I know, you guys have all been good about that

I've literally been depressed about this all weekend, starting Thursday afternoon

Jewel (12:04 AM) :(. I'm sorry.

I get you

Royal (12:04 AM) I wrote that song and it just became so real

I was actually able to put it into words

and then I found more words for it

it just spilled over

and it's not the first time I've felt this way, you remember last time

Jewel (12:06 AM) This is gonna sound odd maybe, but how possible is it to sometime, talk about it with him without the intention of breaking up or not breaking up?

Not now, but well, any time ever

Royal (12:06 AM) that has been a thought

the idea of talking to him

singing the song, not necessarily as a breakup song as it wasn't intended to be that

the song wasn't indicating that I should breakup, it was never what it meant to be when I began writing it

Jewel (12:07 AM) It didn't come off as such either

It came off as more, trying to understand why things are the way they are and expressing that

Royal (12:08 AM) I'm honestly feeling like I don't want him in my life right now, that our desires aren't lining up either

I keep trying to snap myself out of that, like I feel like I'm sabotaging myself

Jewel (12:09 AM) Probably some space is necessary at this point too

Royal (12:10 AM) I feel like I'm turning this into a self-fulfilling prophecy

Jewel (12:10 AM) Since he lives there and all, and you're around each other so much when you're having these thoughts

Royal (12:10 AM) it's not even a matter of needing space, I avoid him already

I'm not here on the weekends and I'm either at school or he's at work

and when we are both home, it's not like I actively try to hang out with him, I almost never do nowadays

Jewel (12:11 AM) Do you feel like his desire to spend time with you is unchanged?

Royal (12:12 AM) he loves me, he's never stopped wanting to be around me

it's not about his feelings toward me, though

he always asks, he always tries

he's understandingly frustrated, as his special other, I should want to spend time with him

Jewel (12:15 AM) Ah, yeah

Royal (12:16 AM) I don't think he understands why, I think he just sees me as being selfish and/or insensitive (which is true as well)

hence why he calls me out on it

but he doesn't recognize it as me falling out of love with him

Jewel (12:18 AM) Though, he's never like, actually tried to talk about then, right?

Like a proper talk

Royal (12:18 AM) as to why I don't hang out like we used to?

Jewel (12:18 AM) Or that he would like you to or anything of that sort

Royal (12:19 AM) he's kind of oblivious and stressed and overworked and constantly tired at the moment

the best I'll get on this specific topic is a snide comment like "of course" or him simply pointing it out, but not actually asking about it or trying to converse about it

Jewel (12:20 AM) It makes me wonder if somewhere he's afraid of what he might hear if he does

Royal (12:21 AM) he almost never sits me down to talk about things, I'm the one who usually does that

Jewel (12:21 AM) Ah, yeah

It might just be that he's 100% oblivious as well

Royal (12:22 AM) I'm the one who has instigated everything in our relationship

dating, sex, marriage, arguments

more or less

by arguments, I mean when I have a problem and I try to talk about it, but I feel like nothing comes of it

the sassy brick wall situation

I know I'm terribly flawed, and sometimes what he says is true, but it never feels like he hears me

like really hears me, what I'm trying to say and why it bothers me

he's a really good person, and I've fed off that all of this time, like the happiness-sucking vampire I am

I am SO not feeling up to going to school, but alas, I must. I know better than to fall into that dangerous loop. I told myself that this year/semester I would do my best to avoid my bad habits. Hell, I got my paper due today (well…yesterday as it’s after midnight) turned in on time. So go to school, you sack of shit.

I wish I had a therapist again right now. That I present them with all of this and they helped me decide on what to do. I know that they can’t tell me what to do, but they would have a lot less bias than the people I keep turning to.

Last night, I had said to my girlfriends that it was a bad sign that I was telling them and not him of these feelings. Hell, I hadn’t even told him of what happened last time, and that JUST dawned on me.

[applecherry108]

alright. i think it’s time to make the Keith Post.

i’m mad. i am. i was mad about him last season too. actually i’m not sure i’ve ever been happy with keith yet i’m pretty sure i DO actually like him.

i’m not mad that he found a better niche for himself than team voltron. i’m not mad that, over the course of MONTHS (yes months, shiro dropped that line), he slowly got in touch with a higher calling and arguably his Birth Rite. i’m mad because it feels out of place.

ESPECIALLY since we’ve seen his vlog.

i’m mad because it undid nearly everything from season 3. i’m mad that his motivations don’t make sense. so we’ve had months between 3 and 4, and shiro is 100% at peace with his new position in the team. that man is just happy to be back with his friends and family. so why the FUCK is keith supposedly doing all this shit to force shiro’s hand into rebonding with black? keith wasn’t a perfect leader but he was getting better. his friends obviously care about him and even tho they had a rocky start they all learned and grew and improved. they brought out better qualities in each other thru the shake up in leadership. keith says he has walls up, okay. he says he has trouble connecting, fine. he acknowledges that he pushes people away so he can’t get hurt by them.

but like. it really fucking felt like he had worked through all his major insecurities by the end of season 3, so what fucking happened? what changed?

the gaping plot hole of anger points to some fuck either threatening him or purposefully manipulating him, but i just rewatched his vlog and you know what i think? i think he wants to know about his mom/galraness too damn much. i think there’s a deep-seeded desire to know his heritage and birth rites. which is? the blade of marmorra. and what do they promote? success of the mission, maximum effectiveness, and self-sacrifice. i think the blade has poisoned keith’s perception, which WOULD have been a really interesting plot point/story arch if we had been able to SEE THAT HAPPENING, or god fuck it just been TOLD it was going on. as is, it’s so fucking vague and subtle that keith just looks like a dick. and then we get blind sided by him trying to suicide bomb haggar which, idk about you guys, but that shit shook me in the worst way because it was so out of character for keith. sure he’s always been reckless and impulsive, and made really really bad decisions, but holy balls was that tiers above any other dumb shit he’s ever tried to pull.

without seeing those aforementioned months of him training with the blade, without seeing any of the grooming he went through with them, with him being GONE most of the season. it makes him look like a dick. i feel like the writers WANT us to hate him right now, and that more than anything pisses me off the most. i’d say they’re planning something but the worst of it is, they might not be. honestly the show has always been sort of a mess story-wise, especially between seasons. like, where’s slaav? why does no one mention commander holt ever? why did no one mention quintessence for two seasons? are robeasts no longer a thing? and i have to fucking believe that things’ll get more coherent and that shit’ll tie together nicely by the end but like.

i’m not mad at KEITH, i’m mad at the writers. I’m mad that nycc hyped all the wrong shit. i’m mad we were given a fucking filler episode in a 6 episode season. i’m mad that we’re literally undoing character development we achieved last season, i’m mad that season 3 seems pointless and more or less retconned at this point. and yeah, i’m mad about the lack of klance when they teased us so hard these last few weeks, but even then i’m mad about queer baiting, not my otp’s dwindling chances of being canonized.

so yeah. at mad at keith, a character who’s actions are dictated by people who don’t seem to know what the fuck they’re doing.