#that pearl fey was SHREDDED

[some-zer0]

An older Pearls! It was a lot of fun thinking about how to show family resemblance — the earrings and bangs are from Mia’s design, the pose is one of Maya’s, the pants are a nod to Iris, the nails I thought of as being Trucy’s influence, and the butterfly loops/dress are a bit of Dahlia. I’m not sure how married to this design I am, but anything’s better than what canon went with…

[doctorsiren]

Characters: Phoenix Wright, Miles Edgeworth, Dick Gumshoe, Pearl Fey, Missile, Maya Fey, Larry Butz

Rating: 11/10

There is so much going on, let’s analyze

Phoenix is obviously drunk and the bottle has a magatama on it and I’m not sure what to make of that other than there’s probably a joke there about alcohol and spirits haha double meaning y’know? This also adds to my headcanon that Beanix is recovering from an alcohol addiction and uses grape juice to help. Phoenix holding the bottle like that leads one to assume that he was just drinking straight from the bottle like Gumshoe is doing. How did his tie get around his head. Who did that. Did he?? Did someone else?? Where is he looking? Also he’s gonna hurt his knees sitting like that, like cmon man you already have the back of an elderly man, do you really want the knees too??

Miles is sitting in a way that means he probably wasn’t planning to sit for long or that he got up to sit like that to try and get leverage when grabbing the bottle from Gumshoe. Unlike Phoenix and Gumshoe, Miles is holding a glass and wouldn’t be drinking straight from the bottle like the heathens next to him. He probably hasn’t consumed the level of alcohol that a Phoenix or Gumshoe has because he doesn’t look intoxicated really. He’s probably the designated driver since he’s probably the only one here who can drive (and yes I’m dissing gumshoe’s driving I’m sorry but also idk how Larry’s driving is) Why is his hand on the bottle like that? How do you expect to grab it or stop Gumshoe with your hand under it?? Also how he’s like “HEY WTH?” Is very silly to me.

Gumshoe. Without his shoes. HIS POOR SOCKS AND SHOES?? SOMEONE GET THIS MAN NEW FOOTWEAR LIKE WHAT?? When I saw the FNAF movie and it showed how Mike had a hole in his sock, I referenced this art. His shoes are like the red boots I wore to shreds last year bc I loved them so much and I had to put duct tape on the bottom so that snow and water couldn’t get in (it still did). Bro is GRIPPING that bottle and is also drunk

Pearl playing with Missile!! I love it sm it’s so cute, nothing more to say here

What is Maya doing back there?? it looks like she’s holding a rock but I think she’s holding a bowl of petals like Larry is ??where is she going??

Larry is just throwing petals and I don’t think he’s drunk, I think that’s just Larry being Larry. He’s jumping and I think that’s silly . Also I thought he was holding a bowl of rice at first and thought he was throwing it like people do at weddings?

I want to know what the occasion is here. What brought them all together on a lovely spring afternoon like this?? Why are they drinking in the middle of the day? GUMSHOE PUT YOUR SHOES BACK ON WHY DID YOU TAKE THEM OFF

‘I MISSED THE KITE AT THE TOP SORRY I LOVE THAT I WOULD HAVE TALKED MORE ABOUT IT IF I DIDN’T HAVE TO WALK TO MY NEXT CLASS

[coldflame96]

Girl look at that body (I work out)

Prompt: During her time in high school, Pearl got majorly into sports and exercise in general, discovering that she was incredibly good at it. Even her spiritual training started to take a backseat to working out and playing sports to the point that by the time of her graduation, she was a powerhouse of muscle stronger than anyone else in her school.

Of course, in her downtime, she still often hangs around at the Wright Anything Agency. One day, she learns that Athena plans to go out to her favourite gym right after work, and so Pearl goes along with her. At the gym, Athena is shocked beyond words to discover the incredible physique that her quiet medium friend's channeling robes have been concealing.

Workout junkie that Athena is, she's also highly embarrassed to realize that she finds it incredibly attractive.

Rated: G

Can also be read on AO3

Athena was 14 when she discovered that working out was a very effective way of curbing her anxiety and stress. It had been 5 am and she'd woken up from a particularly crappy nightmare and she was buzzing with energy. So she strapped on her sneakers and went for a jog around the block, feeling surprisingly better afterwards and even managing to fall back asleep. So she started doing it more. After rough days at school, she would take a run, feeling significantly more relaxed by the time she got home to her empty apartment. When she was 16, she applied for a gym membership and had been a loyal member ever since, going atleast once, sometimes twice a week, to let off steam. It was only after she started working under Mr. Wright that she found herself going to the gym almost every day. She loved her job, she did, but man were some of the people she had to deal with a handful. Boss and Apollo never seemed to question where she went until a case that Apollo took the lead on that she swore caused them both to age atleast 10 years. "Well, that was fun!" she exclaimed cheerily after it was all over, "See you tomorrow, Apollo." Apollo gave her a funny look and she frowned. "What?”

"How the hell are you always so cheery?" he accused. "I feel like I'm one step closer to having a heart attack the longer I do this." She shrugged. "Maybe you need a different stress management." "Well what do you do?" She gave him a steady look. "I work out." He gave her a skeptical look. "Wouldn't that just stress you out more?" "Nah, I've been doing it for years and it's worked out pretty well." He seemed to ponder on that for a minute, his thinking face fully on. "Is that where you go every day?" She grinned. "Yep! You're more than welcome to come, if you want." She saw him wrinkle his nose at the prospect and suppressed a giggle. Her coworker was definitely that kid in school who had his nose in books constantly and got winded over running laps in gym class. But she couldn't help but be a little excited at his sudden interest. Maybe she would have a gym buddy. Those hopes were very short lived as by the end of her usual session, Apollo swore up and down he was never doing this again unless he wanted to keel over by 25. Drama queen. So she accepted that she was the only one who liked this sort of thing. She offered for Boss to join her once and he just grimaced and made up a lie about dinner with the Chief Prosecutor or whatever, so she just kept going on as normal. Atleast until that day... Pearly was visiting again, likely due to loneliness from not having Ms. Fey around, atleast according to her expert ears when she asked about it. She felt bad for her friend. It must be excruciating being alone on a mountain for most of your life. The spirit medium was just sitting on the couch with a cup of tea when Athena poked her head into her boss's part of the office. "I'm heading out for the day, Boss," she informed, "See ya tomorrow." "Got it," he waved lazily. "Have fun at the gym." In her peripheral vision, she saw Pearly straighten up on the couch. "You're going to the gym?" the girl asked her in interest. "Yeah, it's on the way to my place." She raised an eyebrow. "Why?" Pearly's eyes practically sparkled with determination as the girl flew off the couch. "Can I come with you?" And then she tacked on, "Please?" She blinked in shock. Pearly was so small and polite, soft-spoken even. She wondered if the other girl knew what she was getting into, or if she just wanted an excuse to hang out with someone her own age. Either way was fine with her. So she nodded. Whatever Athena had been expecting from her medium friend as a gym buddy got completely shattered into pieces almost as soon as they came out of the locker room. Objectively, she knew Pearly was tougher than she looked. But she wasn't prepared for the tiny girl to have abs. And well-defined ones. And not just abs, either. Also some back muscles that flexed under her tight tank top and arms that were hard with what was no doubt years of care. This wasn't the body of a girl only going to a gym to hang out with a friend. She was a pro! And she could probably kick Athena's ass and the knowledge of this made her fall just a tiny bit in love. "Athena?" The other girl asked. "Are you alright? Your face is really red." Athena felt a palm on her forehead. "You're not ill, are you?" "Please marry me," she blurted out stupidly. Pearly froze, face turning beat red. "What?" she squeaked. Good going, Athena, you gay disaster. "Nothing!" she tried to correct. "I'm fine. Let's just go stretch." Pearly put her thumb to her lip, biting her nail nervously. "If you're sure..."

Athena had never been less sure of anything in her life. She thought Pearly hiding that physique in the first place was bad enough, but actually seeing it in action was a new brand of torture. Between the way her shirt rode up to tease the abs Athena had seen earlier in the locker room and the way her shoulders and biceps bulged with every movement, it was looking less and less likely she would survive this session. Death by hot girl. A fitting but tragic end. Pearly was a foot shorter. She was tiny! And she could probably lift Athena with ease and pin her to a wall. That would be nice.. It was only when she was suitably distracted by her own pace (faster than usual because she refused to let Pearly beat her) that she was able to muster the braincells to ask, "Do they have a gym in Kurain?" She heard a steady breathing and then a "No, not yet. I was gonna ask Mystic Maya about it when she came back from her training." "So, then," she started, trying not to let on how she was checking her out, "How have you been keeping in shape?" Pearly, none the wiser at Athena's plight, smiled, quickening the pace again (Athena was really starting to feel it), and said, "I joined the sports club at school. Mystic Maya thought it would be a good way for me to make friends. I ended up having a lot of fun." She wanted to ask about it more, but her breaths were becoming more ragged, so she allowed a comfortable silence to fall, the only sounds being the whirring of the machines and their even breathing.

By the end of the hour, Athena felt more exhausted and sore than she had ever remembered being. "That was fun!" Pearly said, back in those deceptive robes that Athena couldn't help but resent a little now, "We should do that again sometime!" "Haha," she chuckled nervously, every step she took towards her car stiff with overuse, "Maybe." It was only when she saw the girl flounce out of her car into Boss's apartment, the insane workout they both got clearly not affecting her at all (was she even human?), that Athena allowed herself to rest her head on the steering wheel. She could not take Pearly to the gym with her again. Not if she wanted to live.

[iris-hawthorne]

mia feys role in the fey clan: a long winded study (rant)

Doing hot guy shit and like actually shedding literal tears over how absolutely messed the Fey clan is. 

The game tends to selectively gloss over the fact that the older generation completely and willfully destroyed the youngest (and quite frankly, probably one of the last) generation of the Feys. I will now ramble about it aimlessly and in excruciating detail.

Misty left the Kurain Village when Maya was two. At this point, for the record, Dahlia and Iris were already around 6 or 7. Misty was well aware of the type of person AND mother that Morgan was, and still willfully abandoned her daughters who were not old enough to care for themselves, effectively leaving them in the care of a sister she most likely was well aware was abusive.

Mia, as a result was more than likely left to have to parent herself and her infant sister as a twelve year old, because I doubt that Morgan was being an adequate parent for either of them. (Much like how Maya will eventually be foisted into a similar quasi-parental role for Pearl, if that wasn’t already her role before we even see it in game.) 

All the while, Misty Fey was having an extended temper tantrum up in the mountains. For almost twenty years. She is painted in a relatively sympathetic light by the game, because she is only shown for the brief period she is trying to protect her daughter, and then she is killed before there is ever time to question her actions for the past two decades.

In my opinion, the game could have done a much better job leaning into how complicated her and her actions are.

The biggest question for me is why would she leave them in the Kurain? The most sympathetic answer is that the abuse in the Fey clan is most definitely generational. It is entirely possible Misty was fueled by extreme guilt for the damage she personally had done to the family reputation. It was most likely, in her mind, better for her children to remain within the village, even when the evidence to the contrary was staring her in the face.

A more cynical answer is that perhaps she wanted more than anything for them to be eligible to become the family leader. This is interesting as it places her in a relatively parallel position to her sister, despite how different they are. 

I think that either option, and more than likely a mixture of both, could be true. 

Still, no matter her reasoning, the point still stands that the girls were put in an insane amount of danger. And a HUGE weight was put onto Mia personally.

Mia, in my mind, is so amazing because she embodies such an exceptional level of triumph over the abuse and generational trauma she was subjected to/ (Maya, too, has her own opposite but complimentary triumph in her choice to continue to attempt to be a leader for the Fey clan, but on her own terms. I could talk about that at length too, but this is already getting long). 

Mia chose to be a lawyer to investigate her mother’s disappearance and the events that happened following DL-6. A fortunate side effect of this choice was that she was able to leave Kurain, and establish a life for herself outside of the insane amount of religious pressure that she was handed at birth. 

Dahlia is an amazing narrative foil to Mia in this way in a way the game doesn’t really explore. Dahlia’s attempts to distance herself from the family (which I fully believe was the intention of the staged kidnapping) end up sending her down a deep hole. She absolutely tears herself to shreds failing to resolve her own trauma. Whether she admits it explicitly or not, the last time we see her is her fighting against death itself to do what her mother wished of her. 

Mia manages to leave the Kurain in a much more well-adjusted way, even if those actions were fueled by her family demons.

Still, that freedom was so, tragically short lived. Investigating her mother’s disappearance is what got her murdered. All the while, Misty is M.I.A. Even the death of her eldest daughter as an indirect result of her actions, isn’t enough to get her out of hiding.

Mia’s dying wish was that someone would continue to protect Maya. Because she knows that as strong and capable as Maya has become, there is still a lot of very scary shit looming on the horizon, with the Fey clan in the state that it’s in. She knows that for years she has been the only person in Maya’s corner, and I can only imagine she was terrified at the idea of her being left alone. 

She stepped up in such a major way for Maya, so completely beyond what any other Fey would even consider, including their own mother. And that is what literally brings me to tears about her. 

[theggning]

Hello!

While I never hated Godot you made me like him more!

If you don't mind what is your favorite thing about Godot

I'm so happy to hear that, anon. He's a good boy and if I have made anybody like him more then my dorky efforts have paid off. >:3

In general, I really like how hard they go with making him complex. Nothing about Godot is ever black and white. He's simultaneously noble and twisted, incredibly cool and incredibly lame, deeply tragic and deeply funny (is there another AA character who's so off-the-rails weird and laugh-out-loud funny while also being so intensely sad?)

But my favorite of those contrasts is that no matter how hard he pretends or how wrecked he is as a person, there is still good in him. He has a moral code leftover from his former self that he won't betray, no matter how bad he gets. As misguided and intensely mean as he is to Phoenix, he won't cheat in court and he won't get an innocent person sent to jail even to "stick it" to him (Godot literally just stops arguing his case once it's apparent they have the wrong person.) The coffee moment with Pearl and his interactions with Maya in 3-5 are indications that he still has a good heart under all the bluster. (Someone on my other post's notes described this as "he still has love to give" and that phrasing has stuck me in the brain like a splinter. It's haunting me.)

(3-5 spoilers beyond this point.)

Even his worst actions aren't straightforward. Godot takes somebody's life, but it's incredibly hard to call it a "murder." He was inarguably saving Maya's life in the process. The victim isn't straightforward either- he killed Misty Fey, but he also stopped Dahlia in the act of murdering Maya. And yes, as he admits, he did have a hand in setting up the circumstances around it, but so did Misty, and it's just UGGGH. SO TWISTY. And then he calls himself out for it! He recognizes his own failings and admits he was wrong! There's enough good left in him to realize how far he's fallen and how warped his actions have been. He ends the game on a note of cathartic acceptance and relief, and his ambiguous fate means we can freely think about where he might go and what he might do next. What kind of relationships he might have with other characters once he takes off the proverbial mask and lets them know the real Diego. EVEN MORE complexity on top of the delicious ice cream sundae of "I'm going to be thinking about this character forever" (ugh, that's a Godot-worthy dumb metaphor.)

If Godot was another heartless pure evil antagonist like Manfred von Karma or Matt Engarde, he wouldn't be nearly as interesting. If he had actually lost every shred of the good man he used to be, if there was no hope of redeeming him, or if he ever truly sank to the level of committing evil acts, I wouldn't care about him nearly as much. Godot is great because he's not a villain, he's an antagonist, one specifically designed as a foil/dark mirror to Phoenix, which is the kind of deep storytelling meta shit I absolutely eat up.

Also, he's hot. Hottest prosecutor in the series. Fight me, I'm right.

[dangermousie]

Ok so what was your most disappointing drama of 2021…. so far & why? - cdrama or kdrama…

Not THIS is the perfect ask to unleash my inner bitch.

In terms of disappointing as in "I wanted it and didn't get it," please come right in, Hao Yi Xing, since it's the only kind of coming you will be doing. When I first heard they were filming it, I thought they were insane. No way, thought I. And then they did. Oh, well, thought I, no way will ever pass censorship. And then it did. And then they did everything but point blank said they will air in April and even my cautious self got...taken in.

And then it didn't. Oh well. And then China declared gay people on screen are an abomination unto the communist lord and yeah. I should have stuck with my native cynicism. The thought of it actually being filmed and existing and with those perfect leads and never ever seeing light of day without being shredded into incoherency brings on the rage against communism I haven't felt since the tanks rolled through the streets of my childhood in 1991. I kid. A little.

But now let's talk about dramas that actually aired but we would have all been better off if they did not.

FAIR WARNING: I SLAG A LOT OF DRAMAS, SOME OF THEM PROBABLY YOUR FAVES. IF YOU GET UPSET BY THIS SORT OF THING, SKIP THE REST.

This was the worst drama year since I've started watching them in 2006. But I am not going to discuss "well, they are trainwrecks, what else do you expect," like all the dramas with Cheng Xiao, Gulinazha and their wooden ilk, or all the "Seoul apparently has more murderers per capita than a medieval battlefield" kdramas, or that let's make Lee Min Ki a ghost idiocy or how to blow all your budget on outdoor commercials without plot like Jirisan or "we will take Chen Kun in a Cao Dun drama and make it modern propaganda, now choke!" or any of that sort of thing. It's to be expected all of that would be trash. I will also leave alone things that are just not my genre - I don't care how good Hospital Playlist season 347 is, I don't do medical shows and it's not fair to hold that against it or same against that "moron in bright clothes and art girl" drama - wacky romcoms with idiot MLs is not my thing at all. Same goes for "oh please fuck off with your edgy dystopia, Fried Squid." Same for dramas that ended up being ehh but I didn't hate them.

No, I am going talk about dramas that I had high expectations about and which came and punched me in the face and then mugged me.

Please come right in The King's Affection, The Long Ballad, Court Lady, Legend of Fei and Novoland Pearl Eclipse, River Where Moon Rises, Lovers of the Red Sky, LUCA. Mr. Queen, Time Flies and You Are Here, Meet the Dragon.

N1 place is earned by The King's Affection. It's gotten to the point I blacklisted the tag because any time I see any mention of it, I experience irrational rage like it ate my liver for dinner. It's a totally bland and wholesome (barf) youth sageuk and the reason I feel such rage instead of just forgetting it exists is because it took a dark, tormented, gorgeous story and Disneyfied it into the usual fluffy, wholesome, "modern people playing dress up" nonsense. I will never watch Rowoon in anything after this if I can help it because the thought that instead of manhwa ML I got this makes me want to punch things.

The rest is kinda split evenly. Mr. Queen was pretty good and then the ending was the most pointless, homophobic, narratively dishonest piece of nonsense I've seen in a while. Novoland Pearl Eclipse had a good first dozen eps and then descended in repeating the same story, decided an abuser rapist was a sweetheart who would make a great date without any remorse over his actions, and oh to be petty, even by the usual "that's supposed to be a dude?" standards of cdramas, Yang Mi's cross-dressing was ahahahaha. That cast and this is what you do with it?

Legend of Fei - it is perhaps ungracious to include this since it ended in mid January but hi petty central! How you take a Priest novel and that cast and do this soulless, boring, paint by numbers sleep aid, is beyond me. It even looks cheap, which makes me wonder what they did with this budget - embezzle all of it?

The Long Slog - I like Dilraba in the right role but she was absolutely wrong as tough, broken, vengeance driven heroine (part her fault and part the terrible director who blandified everything. She was fine in a similar role in The King's Woman.) Wu Lei as the hulking terrifying barbarian general is like me playing Boadicca. This drama ensured I will try to avoid him in anything. They had zero chemistry. The directing and the script were so bland, I felt like I was watching a flip through book (and so did the makers, because they didn't bother much with battles, substituting drawings.) A story that should have been intense and angsty became a diorama.

Court Lady - I wanted to watch Xu Kai grow up and win over smart girl Li Yitong instead we got drowned in 10,000 random characters who had 95% of screentime, everyone was so annoying, and how the same person who wrote the amazing General and I (and lots of angsty noncon gay porn :P) wrote this...is beyond me.

River Where the Moon Should Be Shoved - I loved it so hard and then the Ji Soo scandal happened and the refilming and the few eps of nonsense and then the ML who...well.

Lovers of Red Sky - so fun, so decent and then so fucking dumb and the blind ML played by an actor who literally stopped bothering to pretend to be blind and the last ep where they literally left green screen in.

LUCA - I will never forgive it for being so good and then derailing utterly in the last two eps. It's totally fine to abuse someone all their life and treat them as a monster despite them never doing anything bad because ahahahahahah they will be a monster eventually and were clearly always a bad seed.

Time Flies and You Are Here was so aggressively dumb, I still feel like it was a scientific experiment. Also it was yet another one from the proponents of the wisdom of the folk Russian saying "if he beats you means he loves you" and Joseph Zeng has gone permanently on my "never watch" list because his petulant man boy was as charming as a turnip; also the plot made me feel as if I was suffering from hallucinations - none of it made sense.

Meet the Dragon - because I am not just a bitch but a petty bitch and the fact that they keep casting Dylan "puppy" Wang as a terrifying killer dude annoys the fuck out of me.

ETA: The fact that I forgot Ancient Love Poetry even for this list says everything about that drama. That cast and that budget and that utter pile of nothing is the result. I hate it because it’s too bland to hate.

[hotel-japanifornia]

Sisterly Ties

Summary: Sister Iris receives an unexpected visitor in the detention center. Young Pearl Fey, who she believes to be the sister of the future Master of Kurain. The two have a discussion about their heritage and more importantly, their relationship to each other.

(can be found on ff.net and ao3)

It was the middle of February. About a week had gone by since the trial for Sister Iris of Hazakura Temple concluded. There, Phoenix Wright indicted Godot as the true murderer of the children’s book author, Elise Deauxnim, whose true identity was Misty Fey, the previous Master of the Kurain Channeling Technique. Though Iris was found innocent of murder, she was found guilty of being an accomplice to the murder, and trying to cover it up. Luckily for her, Phoenix insisted on getting Iris’ sentence reduced on that count. Though she didn’t believe that she deserved it after lying to him for six years, the nun felt a huge amount of gratitude towards the young lawyer.

Aside from Phoenix, two other people had visited Iris in prison. Sister Bikini went to visit her the day after the trial. She was worried about Iris’ current state and asked how she was holding up in prison. Iris told her simply that she was doing fine and that there was no need to worry too much. Her other visitor was the apprentice of Elise Deauxnim, “Laurice”, who came to talk to her about how he was doing, his upcoming picture book, and showed her some of his sketches because he believed that it would make her feel better. Iris noticed that there was a detailed picture of the new Master of Kurain that featured her sitting on a bench surrounded by nothing but plush white snow. She was wearing an expression that looked as if she was deep in thought; Iris thought it looked beautiful.

 Laurice gazed at her longingly the entire time and asked her at one point if he could draw a portrait of her in the detention center. She agreed, touched by the goofy artist’s kindness. He took out his sketchbook and went straight to work; for the next hour or so, the only sound that could be heard was the scratch of graphite on paper. When he looked up, he picked up his sketchbook and held it up so she could see what he had drawn with an excited grin on his face. It was beautiful, the young artist had gotten her likeness perfectly. Though he didn’t seem like it, Laurice was a gifted artist. Iris thanked him and the two talked some more before he left, sending a flirtatious wink in her direction.

 At one point when Iris was awaiting her new trial, she was woken up by the rattling of cell bars. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and turned to see that her jail cell was open. A prison guard stood by the cell. He called for her in a booming voice.

 “Prisoner, you have a visitor who wishes to see you!” He declared. Iris groggily got out of bed and walked towards the guard. He led her to the visitor’s room of the detention center and walked off. Iris sat down in the plastic folding chair and looked out the windowpane that split the room into two halves, only to see nobody on the other side. A few seconds later, the door creaked open and a little girl with light brown hair styled in the shape of a pretzel stepped inside. She bounded up to the plastic folding chair and hopped onto it. Iris instantly recognized her as Mystic Maya’s little sister, Pearl. Iris tried to be friendly and wave towards her, but the little girl just stared at her with a blank expression on her face; it was almost unnerving.

 “Um...h-hello,” Iris said, trying to make conversation, “How are you doing today?” Though Pearl didn’t smile, her face softened noticeably to Iris.

 “I’m doing fine, thanks.” She said, simply. The nun noticed that neither Mystic Maya nor Phoenix seemed to be entering the room after Pearl. In fact, it seemed as if she came to the detention center alone.

 “Where’s Mystic Maya and Mr. Wright?” Iris questioned. Pearl pressed her thumb to her mouth in thought.

 “They’re outside this room right now. They told me I needed to speak to you alone,” Pearl admitted. She rested her arms on the little desk in front of the window and sat her head down on the desk as she recalled, “Mr. Nick told me something interesting. She told me that you were related to my mother, is that right?” Iris looked taken aback and pursed her lips in thought. Sister Bikini was more like a mother to her than her biological mother ever was. Even so, she could not deny her heritage and so she nodded in affirmation to the little girl.

 “My mother was Morgan Fey. Why do you ask?” Iris questioned, tilting her head curiously. Pearl frowned in confusion and stared at her.

 “So... that would make us sisters...” Pearl confirmed, she studied Iris’ face closely and although she looked uncertain, she smiled a little at the young nun. Iris, on the other hand, was completely dumbfounded by this new revelation.

 “Wait, she’s your mother?” The nun stammered, “I thought that Maya was your sister!��� Pearl laughed in a refined, amused manner and shook her head.

 “No, we’re cousins actually.” Pearl corrected. Iris nodded in understanding. She wasn’t sure what to think of being a sister again. Once she was dropped off at Hazakura Temple, Dahlia only ever acknowledged her if she needed something. Pearl, however, seemed different. She was lost in thought before Pearl sat up and continued, “I’m not sure how to feel about having a sister…” She said.

 “I understand.” Iris said. Pearl was silent for a few moments before she blinked in realization and her eyes widened in horror. Her expression turned grim and she gulped nervously before talking.

 “But, if you’re my sister, then that would make that awful woman who tried to hurt Mystic Maya my sister too....” Pearl said, looking downhearted. Iris felt a pang of sympathy for her newly discovered younger sister. She wished there was something she could do to help her.

 “Yes.” Iris said, simply. Pearl stared at the small desk blankly. It was completely silent and the only noise that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall. Iris looked concerned for the young girl, but she made no movements. Until suddenly, her head shot up to face Iris. Upon seeing Pearl’s expression, Iris felt like her heart was about to tear apart and rip into shreds. It was a mix of pain, conflict, and heartbreak all rolled into one. Pearl’s eyes were filled with tears, and she took a shaky breath before speaking.

 “Ms. Iris?” She hesitated before asking, “Why did my mother try to kil- I mean, hurt Mystic Maya? I need to know!” Pearl looked at her pleadingly. She searched Iris’ face rapidly, as if she was expecting her sister to be able to produce all the answers. Iris wished she could answer this question with ease. But she couldn’t, after all, how could you tell a little girl why her mother wanted to kill her beloved cousin by using her to do it? Still, Iris felt that it was necessary to answer her little sister’s question. Though the truth might be hard to swallow, it was a truth that Pearl needed to hear.

“Pearl,” She started slowly, not sure how to proceed, “Your mother...wanted what she believed to be best for you, I’m sure. And because of that, she was willing to do whatever it took to make sure you inherited the position of Master. Regardless of the cost.” Pearl gazed at her as if she was speaking in an alien language. For a few more silent minutes, her gaze did not waver from Iris. Then, her body started convulsing and her teeth gritted as if she was in pain. Her knuckles turned white and she looked down so Iris couldn’t see her expression.

 “I-I j-just can’t believe that she would do something like that!” Pearl choked out. Then Pearl rested her head on the desk and sobbed. Iris sat there helplessly. She was unable to comfort her physically due to the windowpane separating them. Still, she felt the need to comfort her; so, she used a different method.

 “Pearl.” She started. However, her little sister couldn’t hear her over her sobs. She adjusted her sitting position and raised her voice as she continued, “I know we don’t know each other well. But I have felt the same pain as you are currently.” Pearl’s sobs gradually turned to soft whimpers and then hiccups. Iris waited patiently, as she gazed at Pearl softly. Once Pearl calmed down, Pearl looked up at her, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

 “Y-You have?” Pearl asked, her voice cracked. Iris nodded, looking solemn. Her face held a nostalgic expression as she began to reminisce.

 “I always loved and cared for Dahlia, though she had gone unloved by both of our parents,” Iris looked up at the ceiling, “She was a criminal, but she was so strong and intelligent. That’s why I helped her out so many times until I met Mr. Wright.” She trailed off.

 “What happened then?” Pearl asked. Iris frowned as she reminisced, and she tried not to meet Pearl’s gaze as she explained.

 “She told me to get a necklace back from him. She told me that it was important evidence. I tried and tried but couldn’t do it,” Iris choked up, “And then one day, she got sick of waiting and tried to kill him. She wasn’t successful, thankfully, but I felt betrayed that she didn’t trust me enough.” Iris tried to hold back her tears when she finished. Pearl rubbed her eyes and sniffled. She looked at her older sister apologetically.

 “I’m sorry that happened, Miss Iris.” She muttered, her voice cracking. Iris gazed at Pearl and her face softened. She smiled at her reassuringly.

 “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault.” Iris said. Pearl sniffled weakly.

 “T-thank you, Miss Iris.” Pearl said, looking gratefully.

“You’re welcome. And please, call me Iris.” Iris suggested.

 “A-are you sure?” Pearl asked, looking uncertain. Iris nodded in affirmation. Her younger sister looked down at the desk again and pressed her thumb to her mouth in thought. Iris wondered what was going on, before Pearl burst out.

 “Iris! I-I’ve decided!” Pearl said, gripping her shoulder in determination, “Since we’re sisters, I don’t want you to feel alone. So, I’m going to visit you regularly until you get out of here!” Iris felt tears building in her eyes, and one escaped and rolled down her cheek. Pearl looked concerned but Iris sniffled and looked at her little sister surprised, yet happy.

 “I would like that very much.” She said. Pearl beamed.

 “So that’s it then! I’ll visit you later, and I’ll bring Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick with me too!” Pearl promised. Iris chuckled lightly.

 “Sounds good to me.” Iris said. Pearl hopped off from the chair and waved goodbye to Iris to which she returned. Iris got up and told the detention center guard that she was done with her conversation and another guard led her back to her cell.

 That night, she spent the night thinking about her new sister, Pearl. It was quite a shock to her that Pearl turned out to be her little sister. Sister… It had been a long time since anyone called her that; Sister was her title as she was a nun after all. But all the same, it had been a long time since anyone had referred to her as “Sister” and meant it in terms of intimacy, a sign of blood relation. Though she had loved Dahlia dearly, Dahlia never truly regarded her as her sister.

 Pearl, however, was different. Though Iris didn’t know the young girl very well, she seemed to have a kind spirit and was very closely attached to her older cousin. It was for that reason that Iris didn’t think the idea of being a sister again would be a bad experience. Though she had a lot to make up for, as she had been absent from her little sister’s life for so long, she vowed to do her best to be the big sister that little Pearl needed. When she went to sleep that night, she had one of the most blissful and peaceful dreams that she experienced in years.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Dahlia Hawthorne

WARNING! This review contains MAJOR SPOILERS!

I decided it would be better to branch out into video game villains sooner rather than later, which mostly stemmed from a desire to discuss the villains of the Ace Attorney franchise. Ace Attorney is a series of point-and-click adventure visual novels with logic puzzles, as you must piece together the inconsistencies in the testimony of whatever crazy character you’re cross-examining in court and find flaws in their testimony so that you can ultimately prove the innocence of the client of our lovable protagonist Phoenix Wright (or Apollo Justice, or Athena Cykes, or Miles Edgeworth in one notable instance).

The series is known for having some truly wacky and colorful characters, so of course this extends to the villains, who tend to have incredibly creative breakdowns after you catch them in their lies and reveal them as the killers. However, even at their silliest the major villains tend to be handled a bit more seriously than the one-shot villains in other cases, even if all of them keep the ludicrous levels of hamminess required to even be in the series. What I’m saying is that the big bad tends to be over-the-top, but in a more subdued way than the wildly gesticulating characters around them. And “Over-the-top in a more subdued way” is probably the best way to describe the first video game villain I want to talk about: Dahlia Hawthorne, the overarching villain of Trials & Tribulations, the finale of the original Phoenix Wright saga, and one of the cruelest, pettiest, and most personal foes  Phoenix Wright ever had to deal with.

Motivation/Goals: Dahlia Hawthorne’s criminal career is almost entirely based around covering up her previous crimes. Her first crime was a faked kidnapping that went awry, which led to her faking her own death and then getting the man she seduced, Terry Fawles, framed; when her stepsister and co-conspirator got a change of heart and wanted to confess to her part, Dahlia killed her and then convinced Terry to ingest poison and commit suicide under the guise she would join him, a la Romeo and Juliet; after that she poisoned the coffee of attorney Diego Armando when he investigated her, and then hid the evidence on some hapless dork she bumped into in the courthouse, one Phoenix Wright; after that, she used her identical twin sister to try and get the evidence back so she could destroy it; and when that didn’t work, despite her sister’s feelings for Phoenix, she went ahead and tried to kill him, only to then try and frame him for the murder of another man who had figured out her true nature. Not once in any of this does Dahlia show even a single shred of remorse or exude any sort of sympathetic trait, unlike many villains of the series; no, Dahlia is just a truly monstrous and rotten person to the core. This isn’t even the half of it, mind you; all of this is just backstory, context for her motivation in the game’s present.

Her attempt to frame Phoenix having failed, she was defeated in court by Mia Fey, who would go on to be Phoenix’s mentor, get murdered, and then guide him by occasionally possessing the body of her spirit medium sister (long story). As such, Dahlia held a grudge against Mia, one that lasted even after she was executed. Revenge becomes her prime desire, revenge for finally being trapped after running for so long. It’s a simple motivator to be sure, but considering the kind of person Dahlia is, it makes perfect sense that she would want to harm someone who finally brought an end to her constant killings. 

Out of all the protagonists in the original trilogy. her motivations make her the most personal foe. Of course, Von Karma was also fairly personal, seeing as he was the killer of Edgeworth’s father, but he was only really around for a single case (albeit a very good one). Dahlia’s actions are a shadow that hangs over the game, and that deeply affected Mia, Godot, Phoenix, and even Edgeworth to a lesser extent due to his role as prosecutor on Terry’s trial. While it is pretty arguable that Dahlia is an idiot and an incompetent criminal who has to keep covering up her crimes with succesive murders, it still doesn’t change the fact she has a rather impressive body count, nor does it negate just how much she personally altered the courses of the main character’s lives.

Personality: Dahlia’s personality is where she truly impresses; she exudes an air of sweet, serene kindness at first, easily winning over the entire courtroom save for the defense bench. Everything about her design invokes sweetness and innocence, and this highlighted by the butterflies that flock to her and the peaceful, pretty music that acts as her leitmotif. Of course, seeing as you’ve read this far and seen the massive list of criminal actions she has partaken in, you know that this is a ruse, and it’s even fairly easy to pick up on before the truth is revealed to the player.

Dahlia is most comparable to Hans from Frozen. Both characters are sweet, charming redheads who turn out to be murderous, sociopathic manipulators who do what they do solely out of a desire to gratify themselves. The big difference is while the foreshadowing with Hans ranges from clunky and obscure to nonexistent, the foreshadowing for Dahlia is pretty evident, especially when Mia notes that they’ve met before. Then of course, in the end the big shock isn’t that Dahlia was the villain, it was the true extent of her wickedness. At the game’s start you get an idea that there’s more to her than what you see in the case, but at the end she seems to be little more than the standard starter villain, though even then keen players will note there’s something a bit off about this; she just doesn’t fit the same bill of most other starter villains in the series, as she is far less eccentric and accepts her defeat quite better than, say, Frank Sahwit or Ted Tonate. Then, over the course of the rest of the game, you see the true extent of how evil she was, as she is at least partially responsible for the entire plot of the game due to her poisoning of Diego Armando, the man who would go on to become Godot and oppose Phoenix in court throughout the game. She’s honestly up there with Von Karma as one of the biggest driving forces behind the original trilogy’s storyline. THIS is how you do a twist villain, THIS is how you do a manipulative sociopath. Dahlia is quite frankly everything Hans should have been.

I think it should be noted that Dahlia gets a shadowed court mugshot in the final cases of the game, long after she is dead. This is an oddity for the series, because typically the faces of criminals are shown in the bright colors of the rest of the game. This really shows us two things: one, obviously, is that she is dead, she no longer exists. A similar situation happened with Joe Darke in the bonus case of the first game. The second thing it shows is Dahlia’s true nature; while the other criminals in the games kill for selfish or stupid reasons, sometimes there is a sympathetic motive behind them. With Dahlia, this is not the case. She was always a prideful, twisted, self-serving monster who cared nothing for anyone other than herself. Her heart and soul were black, and she went above and beyond even what twisted villains like Von Karma or Matt Engarde did. She just kept killing and killing and ruining lives all because she felt like she could. And so, ultimately, a featureless, chilling shadowed image truly represents what Dahlia was on the inside.

Final Fate: Dahlia is hanged for her attempt to frame Phoenix Wright for murder, though this doesn’t stop her; after making a deal with her mother, Morgan Fey, that would have allowed her to get revenge by proxy on Mia by possessing the body of her stepsister Pearl and murdering Mia’s little sister Maya, Dahlia is summoned to the mortal plane yet again… and then finds that the entire plan failed, she’s actually being channeled by Maya, and she got one upped by Mia once again. Phoenix and Mia top off this chain of humiliation with one of the most epic “reason you suck” speeches in fiction, one that is just so incredibly awesome that it completely exorcises Dahlia’s spirit from Maya’s body and sends her shrieking with rage back to Hell.

Best Scene: The best moments the villains get in these games are always the breakdowns, and Dahlia probably has the most extravagant and satisfying in the entire series. After everything she did, sending her back to Hell with full knowledge that she is a complete and utter failure who will never be able to get revenge on Mia feels so damn good.

Best Quote: Upon finally being revealed in the final case, how does she introduce herself to the courtroom? “Dahlia Hawthorne. And my current profession? Permanently retired.”

Final Thoughts & Score: There are few villains in the history of video games who are so satisfying to see taken down. Dahlia is just an utterly irredeemable, heartless witch with a capital B… and for that, she gets a 10/10.

There really was no better way to cap off Phoenix Wright’s character arc in the original trilogy than with a foe so personal to him, a foe that ended up bringing him and Mia together and setting into motion the events of the past two games. Without Dahlia, Phoenix could have ended up on a different course in life, despite his best efforts to become an attorney to save Edgeworth, but because of her she pushed him down the path that would lead to the conviction of dozens of criminals, the saving of Miles Edgeworth and numerous others, and the reveal of the black corruption festering in the courtrooms. 

There’s also the way she ties thematically into the overarching moral of the story: revenge is ultimately a pointless endeavor and will consume you, ruining more than it helps. Dahlia kept on killing and killing in her quest to seek vengeance on any who dared to oppose her, and all it did was bring her not only to her own death, but eventually ended up damning her to an eternity in the afterlife existing with the knowledge of her failures. And that final failure also acts as the catalyst for the true killer of the final case to admit their wrongdoing and encourage Phoenix Wright to uncover the truth, so that they can pay for their foolish quest for vengeance that ended up causing more harm than good.

Three games in and they managed to make the absolute pinnacle of thematically appropriate villainy that is ultimately incredibly satisfying to see stripped of their bluster… it’s an incredible feat, and even with the fantastic villains that they’ve created since then, ones that are definitely as evil and impressive in a technical sense, I don’t think they’ll ever again create a villain as wholly satisfying to defeat in court as Dahlia Hawthorne.

[alyseinpalace]

Chapter 29 - The Princess’s birthday

Xian Fei’s arrest was the talk of the palace for some time but all rumours and speculations ebbed quickly when the verdict was finally out. When Alyse heard that Xian Fei was sentenced to live the remainder of her life in the Cold Palace, she was relieved that at least the former consort’s life was spared and history remained unaltered. Of course the Emperor did not kill his own brother as well, and the Prince was sent to defend the fort near the Mongolia borders.

The somber incident was quickly forgotten when the palace prepared for the celebration of Yan Guifei’s daughter’s full moon birthday. Red lanterns and banners were hung at doorways, but what most looked forward to was the celebration banquet. Most being the ones who were invited. Besides the Empress and Yan Guifei of course, all the consorts from the rank of Imperial Concubines and above were invited. The consorts were also allowed to bring along their attendants who must be at least noble ladies, and to Gasha’s displeasure, Qi Fei had decided to let Nara tag along instead of her.

The dinner took place at the Hall of Union and Peace, which was a huge hall used primarily for receptions and celebrations. Nara accompanied Qi Fei for the long walk from the consorts’ house to the hall and arrived two hours before the start of the banquet, which was the expected etiquette. The Consorts and Imperial Concubines greeted each other and socialised while waiting for the banquet to start and one Imperial Concubine walked over to greet Qi Fei. It was Imperial Concubine Ling, the imperial concubine who had recently caught the Emperor’s attention, and a big braggart.

“Greetings to you, Sister.” Imperial Concubine Ling greeted, her chubby cheeks even more conspicuous with her grin. “Oh I didn’t know you’re bringing Nara! What happened to your other attendant?”

“You mean Gasha? She has already accompanied me to quite a number of banquets, so I reckon I should let Nara have the chance to experience this too.” Qi Fei smiled and nodded to Nara.

“Thank you for giving me this rare opportunity, my Lady.” Nara quickly replied with an appreciative curtsy.

“Such a sweet mouth. No wonder Sister prefers you now.” Imperial Concubine Ling snorted. Nara thought she snorted like a pig, but still returned a smile cordially.

“Anyway, how’s your dog, Sister?” To Nara’s annoyance, it seemed the imperial concubine had no plan to wrap up the conversation anytime soon.

“Beibei is healthy and fine.” Qi Fei smiled, wondering why the sudden mention of her dog.

“That’s good! Dogs are usually more obedient too, unlike my Rong’er. Just two weeks ago, she climbed up a very tall tree in the garden and gave me such a shock!”

“Oh? So how did you get her to come down the tree?”

“One of those lady guards climbed up the tree to catch her! Luckily we have people like her around! I won’t know what to do if Rong’er were to fall! I mean, Rong’er was a gift from the Persian envoy to His Majesty and  he gave her to me, so I treasure her a lot!”

“Of course you should.” Qi Fei smiled and nodded. Now she understood why the imperial concubine mentioned her dog. So that she could mention her precious cat which was given to her by the Emperor.

“Nara loves her too! She always brings this special snack she makes for Rong’er whenever she visits me!”

“As much as I love Beibei.” Nara added quickly with a smile to Qi Fei.

As Imperial Concubine Su walked over to greet Qi Fei, Imperial Concubine Ling had to put a stop in her bragging. Qi Fei quickly started a conversation with Imperial Concubine Su and exchanged opinions about a novel they had both recently started reading. Seeing that they were talking about something she could not comprehend and had no interest in, Imperial Concubine Ling bowed and left. Nara was very certain she heard an audible sigh of relief from Qi Fei.

When the banquet was almost starting, both Yan Guifei and Chu Guifei entered the hall. All the consorts greeted the two Noble Consorts and waited for them to take their seats before taking their own. Nara was mesmerised by how elegant both Noble Consorts looked in their beautiful ensemble. Yan Guifei was in an emerald silk gown and wearing a set of tiger’s eyes necklace and earrings. She was too slim to look like she had recently given birth, and her smile to the consorts was radiant. Chu Guifei was in a duke blue silk gown and wearing a citrine necklace together with her sapphire earrings. Her smile to the consorts seemed more brief. Both Noble Consorts had beautiful headdresses too, Yan Guifei had yellow peonies as accessories while Chu Guifei had orange roses. Though she could not hear the conversation between Yan Guifei and Chu Guifei from her seat right at the other end of the hall, Nara could tell from their demeanor that they were close.

While Yan Guifei and Chu Guifei engaged in their small talks softly, the rest of the consorts in the hall remained in their awkward silence. Fortunately the nanny arrived shortly with the princess in her arms and the three Consorts Qi Fei, Ji Fei and Yi Fei walked forward to have a look at the birthday girl. It was glaring to Nara how Qi Fei and Yi Fei genuinely enjoyed playing with the baby while Ji Fei was just standing there out of perfunctory courtesy.

The Head Eunuch standing at the door announced the arrival of Imperial Noble Consort Shujia and Empress Huizhang, and everybody rose to greet them. Imperial Noble Consort Shujia was merely in her mid twenties, and Empress Huizhang in her late twenties, but both women looked mature for their age. Nara reckoned it was due to the deeper hue of their silk gowns, and the long pearl necklaces and jade bangles added to a couple of years too. Both women stood by their seats and with the final announcement, the Emperor swaggered into the hall, dressed in a royal yellow changshan with the embroidery of an imposing dragon in the middle. Greetings for the Emperor reverberated around the hall as he took his seat, with Empress Huizhang on his left and Imperial Noble Consort Shujia on his right.

After the Emperor proudly announced his new born’s name as Princess Moren and made the wish that she would grow up in good health, he raised his cup of wine and drank. The whole hall thanked him for the wine and all the women drank from their cup. That was the signal for dinner to start.

“My Lady, why are we the only ones invited to the banquet? How about the directorate of the different departments?” Nara whispered to Qi Fei.

“Oh silly, they already had their banquets. Ours is the last one.” Qi Fei chuckled lightly at that question.

“Oh! I see!” Nara nodded bashfully, chiding herself for asking such naive question.

When the dishes were served, Nara was in awe. They started with a hot pot of bird’s nest soup with roast chicken, then a cold dish platter of deep fried codfish, marinated wild greens, black fungus, abalone in rice wine and drunken baby pigeon. The main dishes were stewed sea cucumber with mixed mushrooms, sauteed prawn and crab roe on glutinous rice, a hot pot of shredded lamb stomach and mutton, a hot pot of smoked meat and pine nuts, deer’s tail in brown sauce and finally steamed rice with conpoy. Desserts were the Emperor’s favourite osmanthus cake with wolfberries and potato dumpling with apricot filling in almond paste.

The dishes were served at a slow pace so that everyone could take a rest between each dish, to cleanse their palate with the pickled vegetables. Nara took the chance to peek at the Emperor when Qi Fei was talking softly with Yi Fei. He looked younger than she expected, but his voice was firm and authoritative. From how he smiled and nodded when Empress Huizhang spoke, and the way he chuckled lightly with Imperial Noble Consort Shujia, she could tell that he respected the former, but loved the latter more.

While Nara was enjoying her feast, Grace had her usual dinner with Alyse and Irgen. She could not help grousing as she picked up a small shrimp from the plate of stir-fried river shrimp with fried beancurd. “This is not fair!”

“The Emperor can’t invite everyone to the banquet, Geleishiyi.” Alyse said calmly. She, on the other hand, was quite pleased with the pot of braised lotus roots and mushrooms with roast pork.

“So they get to eat all the good stuff, and we have to eat this.” Grace groaned as she chewed a little too hard and too long on her shrimp.

“But they gave us this!” Irgen took a big bite on the peach-shaped mantou. “This birthday mantou is nice! I like the red beans filling!”

[somebodyssherlock-heterodyne]

Things About Me

I like to describe myself, in a thousand different ways. I talk a lot about myself, because I spent enough time in my head to build myself a castle, a kingdom, a body, a life. I have no interest in solely being praised- if you speak of me, speak of me as your demon, your chaos, your angel seeking hell, speak of me as an evil queen, as someone rusted and broken and more beautiful than siren’s song, but if you speak of me, do not speak of me as perfect. I am decadence, galas hosted at the end of the world, the courts of the fey and the queen of the damned. I am vice and sin and rust and ruin, the kind of ruin you get from drowning in beauty and sensation and not caring. I am blood, and silver, and swirling skirts, I am diamond-studded swords and broken, beating hearts.

My friends speak of me softly, speak of me fondly.

I am passion, and chaos, and I will tear you to shreds and you will love every second.

Or so I tell myself.

I am, in truth, illusion. I have spent so long pretending- being whatever facade I put up. I have spent so long pretending, that all I know about myself is that I am chaos. I am vicious, I would break this world in two if I had the strength, or the quickness, or the wit, or the charisma. Yet, I am lacking. For all my love of pretending, I cannot lie to those I know.

I tell myself I would be queen, if only I truly wanted to be.

But I do want to be, and if you end up my lover, then that is, sometimes, what I will become.

Power.

In the end, what I want is power. And yet, for all the potential I pretend to possess, I am left with a limitless imagination instead.

I locked myself inside that imagination, I convinced myself I was a god. That I was whatever I wanted to be.

Yet, I will always fall short of extraordinary.

If you speak to me, do not speak with pity. I do not want your pity- I do not want “But you are amazing at the things you want to be good at!”, I do not want “Oh, it’s okay!”, because I will not believe you. I believe in my creativity, I believe in my ability to convince myself of anything, and I believe in my ability to wear whatever face I choose.

I want blood, rust, sin, death, decadence. I want to fall into hell with you and laugh at the flames because they cannot possibly hurt us as much as we already hurt ourselves. I want you to look at me with the awe of a survivor, I want you to look at me not as an icon or a goddess but as a girl who went through hell and came out the other side. I want you to look at me like you are trying to figure out how I am still alive, I want you to look at me as a survivor of the apocalypse would look at a girl who wears ballgowns just as well as she wears blood.

Look at me like I am dangerous. Look at me like I am a fighter. Look at me like I could kill everyone in the world with my words, but like I choose not to.

Look at me like I already have the power I so desire.

And when you look at me like that, when you look at me like the reckless grins between two best friends who jump shouting off the edge of a cliff and do not care how hard they land, when you look at me like I’m a falling angel, then I will love you with every bit of my passion and every whisper of my wings and every fiber of my soul.

Do not act as though my heart was ever meant to be whole.

Do not act as though I went through hell and came out free of scars.

I like the old thing better when it’s broken, because the blood tastes like wine and the shards look like opals, and they fit so perfectly into the empty slots on my jewelry. I like the hardened, bleached-out tissue where the holes in my soul used to be, because the skin looks like pearl and feels like armor.

Don’t look at me like I’m whole, because I like being broken far, far more.