#that part of that is his fault (for dying)
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I know we like writing fics where Jason is all "I'm not the kid you lost" and "he died and I'm all the worst parts of him that came back" and whatever. but lately I've been thinking about a Jason that's angry bc everyone thinks he came back wrong, because to him, he's the same as he's always been. sure, he's more upset and angry and traumatized, but he's still Jason.
I've been thinking about a Jason that spent most of the time since his death underground and then catatonic. to him, hardly any time has passed at all. to his family, three years have gone by. and Jason knows he looks different than he did, and he knows he's sharper around the edges, now, but he's still Jason. he's the same kid that died and now he's back and why doesn't anyone see that?
they're the ones that changed, not him
#anyway#I just think it'd be neat#bc I love a good 'Jason has no self worth and everyone needs to convince him he's worthy still'#but the angst of trying to convince you're family you're still in there#under layers of trauma and pain and anger#that you're still YOU despite it all#and I want him to recon w the fact that Dick and Bruce and Alfred are different now#that part of that is his fault (for dying)#that the rest is their fault (for coping so poorly)#(batman used to smile is the thing)#jason todd#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dick grayson
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i love how you visit land of dragons for the second time and then these two idiots show up (affectionate.)
#robo ramble#dying to riku in this part is funny like whoops you just accidentally killed sora.#given its really hard to die to riku unless you like. do nothing.#like thats not even his fault you just suck.#i died more to riku than all the fuckass rapid thrusters when i did nothing#<- im surprised i had a save file to go back to that part#you really have no one to blame but yourself#and then theres xigbar who appears for all of 2 seconds which is super funny compared to the overbearing presence of the other members.#ESPECIALLY XALDIN. because she has no life outside of projecting onto anyone who gets to have nice things. (JOKE.)#like luxord just wants jack sparrow carnally. demyx is dead by now. sad. and xigbar just popped in to do his thng and then left which#makes sense . ok im rmabling at this point GOOD NIGHT . SEE YOU IN THE REALM OF DREAMS. new dream eater called manta. thats me bitch.
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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its kinda funny how bruno and dusk started off as very clearly being “dusk is in the wrong and a terrible parent while bruno was a doting father” to “they’re both fucked up people but dusk is more in the wrong than bruno is” to “okay they’re both fucked up but its equal toxicity now” to “dear lord idk if i can be too mad at dusk for leaving cause idk what i wouldve done either”
#like. ok she is still not innocent she gave her son severe abandonment issues and never connected with him#and part of castors issues with being vulnerable stems from his mother pushing him away. she was still responsible for him#and i still cant call bruno like. flat out hateable. though if someone winds up hating him thats 100% fair#both dusk and bruno are very much dealing with their own demons#but i think as soon as i decided bruno was in a pretty impressive position of power i was like. oh no dusk cant be squarely in the wrong now#like. eyebrow raise at the guy who is feared by humans and pokemon alike and has a whole swarm at his command and immense power#dating a recently released pokemon who has no experience being wild at all and was already treated very poorly#like i kinda tried to skirt past it with ‘’well bruno is a good leader’’ but like…. is he tho??????#again i dont think he was cruel to dusk. just incredibly suffocating and controlling#and add your child dying in a very preventable way and the fault being linked to your husbands past and youre already estranged from your re#remaining son???#yeah….. she did still fuck up a lot but she didnt deserve all that#aughhhhhh the way she escaped from her trainer but really just ended up in another prison………….. im emo……..#echoed voice#(this is also why im hesitating on bruno being closet transfem and making that hardcanon bc i feel like thered be…. bad implications there)
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I must admit I'm getting this horrible image in my head of Tarn as that type of creepy guy who donates way too much money to a streamer and then absolutely loses it when he hears they're not single.
That's probably accurate lol. Although unlike (seemingly) most people in this fandom, I blame Megatron more for turning Tarn into that kind of obsessed freak than I do Tarn for being a freak. I mean, my view is basically "you reap what you sow/the monster you created turned around and bit you" so I don't really have sympathy for Megatron with regards to Tarn showing up and ruining his life lol. I actually really like the DJD coming in MTMTE as basically the living embodiment of karma and Megatron's comeuppance about not being able to run away from/ignore his past.
Like blah blah "no matter how sad your backstory is you're still responsible for your own actions" but also Megatron is literally 100% the reason Tarn is Like That, and Megatron also used parasocial manipulation, propaganda, and his grandiose personality to manipulate the Decepticons into worshipping/following him without question. So like. It's fiction, I don't have to be all "well they're all problematic" I can just be like "lol, lmao even" and point and laugh as Megatron gets fucked up by Tarn and the DJD because he can't talk his way out of this problem.
#squiggle answers#i'm not mad at you or thinking you're saying anything#i'm just very fond of dying of the light and i enjoy megatron suffering#i love how dying of the light is like megatron's personal torment nexus of getting trapped by his bad decisions#but also getting other people dragged down with him by accident#and then he's so fucking pathetic that he can't even compromise his 'pacifism' to save those people he dragged down#and then he lashes out in anger and becomes violent and hateful again and slaughters the whole DJD#i love that shit. love when megatron is fucked up and dysfunctional#i'm not saying i wanted him to become WORSE and like die a horrible fate per se#i'm just saying that i disagree with most of the fandom when they're like aww let this old man rest and tarn should fuck off he's a loser#i'm like nah. put megatron in the blender. don't let him just suddenly decide to be a pacifist and then that's it. make him fuck up#ough sorry it's just. i like megatron getting better but i also like him staying bad lol#like i want him to get redeemed but i also still want him to be fucked up and full of anger and hatred. if that makes sense#but yeah. not to be a tarn defender or anything but like#sometimes the fandom seems like it listened too much to the part where megatron was like#'i was happy i was at peace and you ruined everything'#meanwhile i'm sitting there like: yeah they ruined it. and so what. it's your fault. you don't get to be peaceful and happy#when you still have mistakes that you need to address and do something about instead of running away#muah. muah. muah. love dying of the light#i wanted to rip megatron apart from being so pathetic but i was also like. awww sad old man#mostly i wanted to rip him apart tho lol
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the thing i wish more people acknowledged abt arthur is that what he did to bella was unimaginably shitty. i will never ever feel bad for him for that because he wronged her 100%. idc if he was young and felt trapped in a loveless marriage, he chose to get his dick wet he should have shouldered the consequences instead of abandoning his equally young wife to deal with childbirth alone. "it feels wrong :(((((" bitch so what???? you should be able to pull your head out of your ass for long enough to be there for the girl going through immense physical trauma because you fucked her
#im not saying they shouldve stuck it out after but arthur was selfish and cruel and deserves no sympathy#for that little flashback#i mean. he couldnt have prevented her death that part isnt his fault#but hes having a pity party over his feelings while bella is literally dying birthing his child#jkdbdkdkd its being angry at arthur lester hours in this house it seems#im not tagging this this is just for me
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miura on his way to blame himself for deaths that aren't his fault: 🚶
#the first one his friend literally pulled himself out of miura's grip to save his daughter#like literally not miura's choice like what was he supposed to do?#and then he's like if i had been stronger...miura it's really not your fault#most people wouldn't have been able to pull up two people#then this one was a lieutenant dying after taking red puncher when red puncher was incomplete and he was warned that it was dangerous#like it was still tragic but miura couldn't really do much#he says that he should have known more about chouriki and synthesized it like miura you lacked knowledge about an ancient energy that's to#be expected...this aspect of miura doesn't bother me in fact i think it's one of the most interesting parts of him#he's been working on this project for a long time and has experienced things outside and relating to the project and both have an affect on#how he proceeds with the ohrangers in their battle#he has things to protect and he's lost things while trying to protect and he feels so much guilt#ohranger lb#super sentai lb#umbrella.thoughts#umbrella.posts
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'this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation' sounds like the kind of exaggerated, colorful complaint that I associate with like, modern-day internet humor, but when hear see it in context it's completely different. jack's voice is breaking, he's holding back tears. the pain in his delivery of that line is starkly audible. this is at the end of nearly two decades of seeing ennis only a few times a year, and just hearing that ennis has to cancel their next meeting. he's at the end of his rope, and he's ready to break down. as much attention as "I wish I knew how to quit you" got, I think this is the line that stays with me for the sheer emotion in its delivery
#I wish I knew how to quit you is legendary for good reason tho#and the fact that jack is cheating on his wife with another woman means he's TRYING to quit ennis right?#on some level he just wants to be happy with a conventional lifestyle with a woman#but it's not working for him. that's not who he actually wants and he can't change that no matter how hard he tries#it's sad! it's really sad!#and ennis is obviously afraid of being outed and terrified of dying the way the old man did when he was young like he's obviously#traumatized too. and sure maybe he could have left his family after the divorce and moved to texas#but wouldn't that miss the point? homophobia ruins people's lives#jack is angry that ennis refuses to move#but it's not ennis's fault he may be murdered if people suspected and he's not wrong to be concerned about that#it's a commentary on a wider social issue that ALSO leads to that rage in him that brings him to violence#they could have said more about income inequality and poverty too but that's not the focus of the film#even tho imo it's a really big part of the story and the things that factor into ennis's situation#if he was independently wealthy he'd have more freedom#furthermore if they were women their movements and lives would be far more tightly restricted#bbmtn lb
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Btw yes I am making kamado sorta a villain in the au, in the game he was so pathetic about protecting the village he rather sent out a 15yo child out in the wilderness after using them for his own gains, left to die and rot if volo didn't help them
#z rambles#hes so caught up in his own goal and his past to look around himself who he hsd been casually exploiting and in this case#its the dorm presidents who are still students yet treated like an employee for the entire school years#its even worse knwoing theres TEACHERS in the dorm concil who doesnt do equally as much as the president#and irida is young. her entire thing is that she was forced to grow up too fast and shes so tired she doesnt let herself rest due to it#unlike irida. adaman actually doesnt overload himself with work cuz he trusts his council members to do their fair share#irida is too prideful and shes too anxious to rely on others. she rather overwork hersslf to death if it leads to that#kamado doesnt care as long as the job is done#and when a very real dangerous thing happened he doesnt call off the hunt altho adarida told him to do so#*he was not one to bent rules after petty remarks* they were questioning his status and decision. he was the director for a reason#and it seems irida took that to heart. of course. only you kmow the best ill do my part eveb if it means dooming myself#cant help it cant you? just another task she needs completed and be validsted in how responsible she is for her position#for the greater good wpuldnt you risk yourself as well? your livelihood? your youth? your life?#was death really sth she cpuld casually accept#obv it isnt entirely kamados fault why irida is the way she is. eveb in later chsoters hes proven to be rsther stuck in his own shoes#why not fit into another size for a try?#the ghost of the two children hikari snd rei would surely show him incase we couldnt. exploited and dying in battle out in the danger?#theyd kmow a thing or two about teaching old men too stubborn in their ways to see the risk theyve taken#why risk for the greater goods when theres other ways thst doesnt require such things to begin with?#were you gonna let your own trauma and memories destroy others too? were you?#and god did that rang thru maybe not just for one. someone else def need to hear that for herself#were she gonns ket her own trauma and memories destroy others....and subsequently herself in the process?#it almost feel like her entire life could burst open at the seams. at its foundation#maybe for her the treasure hunt isnt too special. especially when your entire life feels as if youd been hunted from the beginning#spirit school au#HOW R PEOPLW FINDING THIS?? its just so ranfom???#2024 op here excuse me dkjakd
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OK so I rambled a bit about this on a prev reblog of mine but I've been in search of good songs for my Kylo Ren playlist and I'm shocked that Mama by My Chemical Romance isn't on them!! What song is more Kylo!!
The paternal guilt, the angst about being a bad man, being disowned by a mother for your actions but she still cries when she finds out you're dead! The drama!! The regret!!! It's Kylo!
Ohhh I just got a fun idea for a fic. Would that actually be something anyone's interested in? I've beat my writer's block and am itching for prompts.... it just wouldnt be Kylux.
BUT I also did do a Kylux oneshot that I'm posting shortly, it's on the angstier side but I like angsty Kylux.
So much to write, so little time.
#think of the trans potential too.. much to think about#im feeling so inspired rn too bad im about to leave#ky rambles#ngl im obsessed with mychem and kylo's just perfect for them#not bc haha funny sad emotional man in black = emo#bc he's sad! he needs help! he's made mistakes! he's irredeemable but wishes he wasnt!!#he wont get help#his heart will still cry for it!!#honestly the entire album for the most part fits#shitty person is guilty#dying and struggling with how he did nothing good with his life and only ever hurt his loved ones#how all of these bad things were his fault and he regrets them but it doesn't matter because he's already a dead man#ough...#fic ideas
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FRUITY HC PROMPTS / @hypnoticallycaucasian / ACCEPTING .
🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?
||. WELL , Link sure does have retrograde amnesia. . . . I'm not kidding about that diagnosis , and he definitely should go to therapy,but to actually answer the question : Link ...exists on a perpetual on a scale, and it always depends on "what time period of Link are you asking about", because the answer will change depending on what he does and doesn't remember.
Link before the Calamity (specifically: before the sword) would have been relatively stable. Outside of being a teenage boy with an extreme sense of duty and pressure to perform, he wouldn't have to contend with much. Healthy home, healthy mindsets, healthy life. It's when he pulled the sword and began to shut his emotions down to be a "reliable hero" that some problems would have begun to manifest. In my headcanon : dissociative episodes (+dissociative amneisa &. subsequent fugue) run congruently with his rising stress levels , and are a related but separate issue to his originally-self-imposed selective mutism.
Link is a slow emotional processor. He thinks through his emotions and takes time to sort them out. (Mostly because he really doesn't get bothered by a whole lot.) But when he's "on duty" or otherwise needed... he doesn't feel himself allowed to take the time to sort it out. Not during, and often not afterwards until well later, either. And then only when he's on his own. In Link's world, it's act first, think (and feel) later. ESPECIALLY when all eyes are on him.
At some point in his development into "Knight Link" (which imo was cemented well before he was actually appointed as Zelda's personal knight), Link's solution to a wealth of emotion without any time to process it all was to focus solely on the physical task at hand, whatever that may be. It ... doesn't shut down the emotion spurring the stress... but he can act. He can do something to stave it all off or fix it while it's happening. Face it head on, and quickly. Unfortunately ... even this isn't always possible in his profession. And this mind vs. heart endeavor is a taxing one. As such, if Link is unable to tackle the issue and fix it, he will rapidly begin to deteriorate into a dissociative episode. Specifically dealing with depersonalization. If the stress continues, Link has a tendency to completely emotionally/mentally black out during these periods. (aka: dissociative amnesia). He'll either seem to be completely spacing out, or completely zeroed in on a task from the outside looking in. (It's caused problems and some serious one-sided arguments with his mother before.)
In some conjunction with this, canonically, Link has been known to voice his inner thoughts and feelings less and less over time. By the time he was appointed to Zelda, it's noted that he barely spoke at all. While he is entirely capable of speech, when he undergoes high stress levels, it can become difficult for him to find the words to voice himself freely. (Now, it is worth nothing that Link is naturally a pretty quiet individual (imo even his voice is on the naturally softer side anyways). Link not talking does not automatically mean he's stressed out. But sometimes there is an inherent inability to speak even if he wanted to.)
All of this is true of Amnesia/Post!Calamity Link, although the triggers are different. Post!Calamity Link struggles a lot more often with depersonalization, derealization and dissociative amnesia + fugue, especially the more he comes to remember his/Hyrule's past. Part of that is due to stress, part of is trauma, and part of it is from just barely cheating death/the reincarnation cycle through the Shrine of Resurrection.
#(honorable mention as usual is his survivor's guilt even tho that in itself isn't a disorder)#(the good news abt the survivor's guilt is link is genuinely grateful to be still kicking and he definitely won't waste his 2nd try)#(but there's always going to be a part of him that's keenly aware that he was /DYING/ and should be all means be dead)#(and that in his place not only are the champions dead where he's still alive)#(but so. many. others. lost their lives. and that's unforgivable to him — granted i think he blames ganon completely. as he should)#(he doesn't blame zelda or her powers and he will strangle anyone who ever dares insinuate it's her fault - and w zelda he will bop her.)#(and i wouldn't say he blames himself but i do think he holds himself responsible at least for not being able to hold out long enough-)#(-after zelda's powers awakened in her. like. if he had just stuck it out even a couple hours.... a couple days to hold the line...)#(for link it's a “what were you doing wrong” @self regarding wielding the master sword's true power)#(combined with “why couldn't you have been stronger” + “why AREN'T you stronger” + “will you ever be strong enough”)#(....which sadly isn't entirely hc that's in the game and only helped by the DLC's trial of the sword QvQ)#(and anyways link DOES count himself incredibly lucky and he is eternally grateful to zel + co for saving him)#(....at the same time he'll eventually come to think of all the people left behind that never got a chance to say goodbye)#(he doesn't get to say goodbye either but the difference is //HE SHOULD BE DEAD// so yknow it's fun it's fine)#(he won't let it be in vain but =4= he haunts himself and that never entirely goes away imo. it gets better! but never fully leaves him)#「 headcanons . 」─ hero of the wild .#「 answered . 」─ letters .#「 ooc . 」─ 999 koroks my ass .#(forgive my rambling about this probably saying the same thing a hundred times over but dbnsajkdbsak)
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sorry if i misinterpreted you OP, i just didn't see any other way to interpret it? but like, i did kind of have a kneejerk reaction every time i saw this post which is why i finally decided to respond and that might have coloured my viewpoint. i just see shen jiu as a very realistic depiction of C-PTSD (and personally i see him as BPD, like binghe - and me) so while "his trauma isn't an excuse to abuse binghe" is 100% factual and benign as a statement, i've seen people claim before that his misery is all his own fault bc he could have chosen to do what shen yuan did and befriend everyone and it kind of makes me want to scream lol. like nobody would Choose to go through the things he went through which is the actual reason he's miserable... i think shen jiu being a contentious figure who is the cause of a lot of wank makes people feel more comfortable saying that kind of thing and every time i wince because i worry we're opening the floodgates to legitimate abuse apologism (sj isn't a nice or good person, so he's to blame for being affected by his past circumstances; on the other hand, people generally like binghe, so understand that he's not to blame for his past circumstances. but it's the same).
not saying that you said any of that, that's just where my head was at and why i wrote an essay dskhfskjssh. at the same time while this isn't your fault a Lot of people seemingly took your post at face-value and agreed with it and i'm just like. guys.... anyway thank u for replying and clearing that up!
this might just be a tiktok issue but every time i see someone say “shen jiu deserved a chance at happiness!” i explode. he had many. his entire life he could’ve made different decisions, he could’ve just not abused lbh, or spoken to yqy, but he never did. that’s his whole thing. he’s even aware of it, it’s like his WHOLE final speech in the extras. he would NEVER EVER take a chance at being better/happy, he’s far too comfortable in his own misery, he has absolutely no idea what to do without it. and he doesn’t want to find out either. THATS THE WHOLE POINT. it’s what makes him such a good character, because he’s realistic in his principles. he doesn’t just hate the antagonist, he hates literally fucking everything and everyone, especially himself. makes me scream idk lmao
#i also think this is part of the ~inherent tragedy~ of pidw#shen jiu couldn't have a chance at happiness bc the narrative wasn't written that way#yue qingyuan would never tell him the truth (until canon deviates bc of sy's intervention and he's 'dying' in front of him but obvs by that#point sj isn't there) and shen jiu would never get a chance to heal or someone stepping in and stopping him from becoming the worst version#of himself bc that was what the plot required of him - scum villain who dies miserable karmic death#he was never meant for a happy ending bc the 'good end' of pidw required someone without his terrible trauma to take over his role#which isn't shen yuan's fault ofc but it IS really really sad imo#meta
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@dukeoftheblackstar and heres another snippet from the same fic which i think gives a kinda sympathetic view to mace. i've taken this straight from my drafts so i'll leave the old tags there. now i'm gonna reblog some pro mace posts lol but i wont tag you in those cause i think i've probably tagged you in enough at this point lol
This snippet is from 'When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it'
It's from Chapter 7, ghost Mace is explaining to past Jaster what he knows of Jango's life, in the future. Here, he's describing the moment he killed Jango and his feelings in the aftermath.
In the midst of the battle, a man started shooting at me. We fought, it was a brutal thing, I was barely keeping up in spite of the Force. I did not know who he was or why he was shooting for me but I did know that if I ceded any space at all, he would take it and I would be dead.
In the end, I came out on top. I can't say I was intending for it, I was just trying to make contact in any place I could, but I caught him with my saber between his helmet and chest plate. He died, after I decapitated him and it wasn't until after the fact that I discovered that he was the one I had been searching for all those years before.
As a young Knight I set out to bring Jango Fett home, to right a wrong, but I was unable to find him. I had thought of him, often. The wrong I had not been able to right for my people. The man I could not save. And then, I stepped on to a dusty planet that I hardly knew, for reasons I hardly understood and I killed a man.
Jaster swallows. When Mace looks at him, honestly paints his face and regret curls at the edges.
"Quite without knowing it, I had killed the one I hadn't been able to save, years after the fact."
His son.
"I hadn't saved him but he survived all the same. He didn't need me to save him, he'd saved himself. I'd thought him dead but he lived to walk up to me all those years later. He survived that slave ship so that he might die at my hand years later."
The fact that he's sorry for it doesn't really cushion the blow. This is the man that killed his son. He is dead because of Jango but in a far off future, Jango is dead because of him.
How did he die? This Jedi? He had time to discover Jango's identity after the battle so he must have survived it. Did he later die of wounds Jango gave him? Jaster thinks not. None of this has been easy, none of this is simple. There remains a weight in the air, the burden of the remainder of Jango's story. An oddity considering it should end here.
He looks back to Windu, watching his face.
"I did not mean to kill your son Jaster. I meant to save him, but I was quite unable. The idea of him haunted me as steadily as any ghost and then, I killed him. I didn't know who he was when I struck and I did not know when he fell that he had already killed me, long before that day. It would be three years before my heart would stop but I was dead from the day Jango Fett landed on Kamino."
"I did not intend it, but I did it all the same. I am sorry that I killed him and I have to live with that regret even now, in death. I remain here knowing that I killed the man I was intending to save, the man who I had never forgotten failing."
Jaster is a warrior. He knows what a fight to the death is like. He has known the ferocity that an adult Jango would hold long before he knew that in a later time, the galaxy would know his son as 'The Jedi killer'. What a title. Jaster had not wanted this life, the one that from Mace's perspective has already passed, for his son. He wanted something kinder, easier, for him. It hadn't happened. Jaster had been unable to give that to him.
Mace didn't have any choice but to kill him but, all the same, as a father it is Jaster's right to hate him, just a little, for taking his sons life.
Jango deserved better than the galaxy that had delivered him to this Jedi on that day. He deserved better than the life that had shaped him in to the man that would attack this Jedi and lose. He deserved, parents that wouldn't die before he had finished growing, a second chance that worked out differently. He deserved everything and anything Jaster could give him and maybe, even that could not be enough. Could never be enough.
Mace looked at him. "Everyone in that hall is there because Jango is responsible for their death. I am not sure if the same can be said for me. Jango is responsible for my death but is that the reason I linger?"
The Jedi looks far away. "He haunted me far before he ever died and now I haunt him far before he ever killed me. He lined up the pieces of my death long before I met him in that arena. And I killed him long before he killed me. Time is not linear for the dead, but in the case of Jango and I it is even less so. The story of our haunting is a circular thing and in truth, I can not really say who of us is haunting who
He meets Jaster's eyes. "We are here to discuss why we haunt Jango. But it would be remiss of me to not tell you that your son has haunted me every single day since I left on a mission to retrieve him, to try and offer reparations for what my peoples neglect brought down on him, and came home empty handed."
"We thought him dead, but I did not forget him. From that day, I've carried the weight of what we did to him. I have often thought of him over the years. You hold no blame here, but we just might."
I love this bit. To me it's very clear that Jango's death was largely Jango's fault. In this fic, Mace finds himself on Galidraan with little understanding of why he's there, just trying to act in the moment to defend himself and other Jedi. Jango starts shooting at him, clearly shooting to kill. Mace knows that he's in danger, he knows that if he dies (because Jango intends for one of them to die. He will not stop until one of them is dead.) Jango will go on to kill more Jedi until one of them gets the upper hand, and so Mace acts in a way that is very understandable and defends his life with all he has. He's reacting rather than planning any of this, Jango is not giving him a chance to think about any of it, so when Jango is about to get the upper hand, Mace takes the only move available to him, and goes for his neck.
It's understandable, he had no choice, and yet, because of who Mace is, I think he'd find it very difficult to come to terms with having killed someone in that way. It's horribly violent (lightsaber deaths always seem to be??? Decapitation isn't quite bisection but it's not great. However, I think such a thing would be even harder for Mace to confront than it was for Obi Wan.) and I think Mace would struggle to accept that he really didn't have any choice, and anyone would have done the same.
And then!!! This Mace, is a Mace that has been metaphorically haunted by Jango ever since he 'failed to save him'. To know that Jango was out there to find all along and Mace just didn't manage it? That Jango didn't need Mace to escape, but that he suffered for longer thanks to his own rescue being left to him. That in that suffering, he became the kind of man, that would be in the arena, forcing Mace to kill him. That had Mace done anything about this constant reminder (was that a sign? From the force?) of Jango for all these years, he could have helped Jango. He might have stopped him doing what he did with the clones. He might have helped him process what had happened, so that Jango didn't end up on a suicide mission, determined to throw himself head first in to fights he can barely win, only so he can try and repent for not dying with the rest of them, the first time or the second.
Mace was a master Jedi, if anyone could help someone work through trauma, it was him. (His struggle to process it all himself is 100% not a sign of his ability. You can understand how to healthily process emotions to the n th degree, but it won't stop you being human and falling to human difficulties. He is the best person to help anyone else through this stuff, but when it comes to himself, he's too close. That's why Jedi help each other work through stuff.) But Mace wasn't there, because he didn't think Jango was out there. In spite of this constant lingering reminder at every step, he didn't look. And so Jango carried on, hating that he survived, living only to carry out this corrupted form of justice, until he finally met the end that he thought he should have met years before.
Mace couldn't help him, and then, he ended up doing the worst thing possible for him. He gave him this violent death, that in Jango's grief and pain, he was sure he deserved. I just think the more Mace learnt about Jango, after finding out he's just killed the man he thought had died thanks to his failure all those years before, going on to see the depths of what happened to Jango, what it made him, the more responsible he'd feel. If he'd only found him. What he went through on the ship. What the clones went through. All those years hating himself for surviving. Boba, who Jango wanted in spite of his self hated, who he loved so fiercely but could NOT do right by.
I think Mace would look at each part of it and a part of him would be like 'none of this had to happen. If you'd done your job, you could have saved him from that ship, from becoming this. You would have spared him from himself, but also the clones, Boba, everyone else he hurt.' I do think he would have known that this wasn't rational, and would have worked through it, been working through it, as he lived on and more and more things crept out of the woodwork to remind Mace of his one failure. Each revelation about jango is something else Mace might have prevented.
And then, Mace's death at palpatines hand. He speaks to the other ghosts and suddenly he sees. He sees the big picture. What Jango did to him, did to his people.
Mace has it completely right when he looks at this haunting as a circular thing. Who is haunting who? Time isn't linear for ghosts. He was haunting Jango from the start, but also, Mace didn't start haunting Jango till he'd already killed him. Mace not being able to forget that mission early in his career, the boy he hadn't been able to save. Was that bog standard guilt? His brain kicking up dust? Or was it the force warning him that Jango was out there, that he should look. Was it neither? As a force sensitive could Mace feel his future self, pulled back in time by his connection to Jango? Was the feeling of Jango haunting him, actually his own ghost, obsessed with the man he was tied to, the one responsible for his death.
He and Jango orbit each other before either of them are dead in a way the other ghosts don't. But it being uncertain who's haunting who? That's true of all the ghosts. Jango haunts them just as much they do him. They are ghosts because they can't let go of him and he can't let go of what he did to them.
#I've been thinking about this#cause i saw a post talking about who's fault Jango's death was (i think it was a poll?)#anyway i have very strong feelings about this. because i very much do think that Jango was never surviving to see the war#he'd done his bit dooku didn't need him. i don't think dooku set up his death at Mace's hand. but i do think that he knew the man Jango was#and knew that by placing him in that arena; he'd get himself killed. arena full of Jedi. Jango always would have tried to fight them and#it would always be a fight to the death. because of who he was. his pride & he didn't care about surviving enough to walk away from a fight#he was too intelligent to not know he wasn't getting out alive. tangle with nasty ppl you wind up dead when they don't need you.#& he knew bad ppl well. but he never tried to get away. i think that was cause a part of him wanted to die. he walked in to that death#i do think he loved Boba. but i think he hated himself hated that he'd survived everyone. more. think he'd convince himself boba was better#with him dead. so i don't think mace had any hand in Jango's death really. if not him it would have been someone else. Jango would have#created that situation with anyone. HOWEVER#i don't think Mace would see it that way. i think he'd struggle to accept that he did the only thing he could and i think the understanding#that it was him or Jango BECAUSE Jango was determined to die & take out as many Jedi on the way out as possible. would make it harder for#him to accept. he completely played in to this suicidal impulse. Jango was a sentient in pain who needed help. mace wants to be someone who#helps.but instead he let himself be played.he was the sword and the hand that held it and he killed him in a particularly violent move#(which i think was unavoidable in the moment. if he'd delayed he would have died he was acting not thinking. Jango made it so.)#it was not Maces fault but i think he'd struggle to accept that even when knowing it objectively.if it were another Jedi he'd help them see#but for himself it's hard to come to terms with. knowing that dying in such a violent manner was what Jango thought he deserved#i think would make mace feel like he'd been the worst version of himself in that moment and someone he could have helped payed for that#it was fun to explore in this fic cause mace had been sent out to find Jango after galidraan and it had stuck with him as a failed mission#early in his career. in the time since he's done all these amazing things but he always remembered boy he couldn't save at the start#and then. years later. mace ends up inadvertently killing that same man. he doesn't know who Jango is.he has no idea that he survived until#he's already dead at Mace's hand. i think theres a horrible sense of neatness to it all.#so yeah! i don't think mace is guilty but i think he's the kind of person that would feel he was all the same#Mace is great#part 3
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the other thing I find very funny about trying to write a canon compliant wol is taking all the wolship hints extremely seriously.
I don't really wolship because I'm just fundamentally not that kind of fan. But I know for those who are, the sheer number of romance hints FFXIV throws at you can be overwhelming to parse in a context where you have a preferred/intended wolship, particularly if you're not attracted to the gender the hints are coming from in the first place (a particular tip of the hat to wlw fans navigating the g'raha of it all). I've seen plenty of people write around them or write them out or be like "no aymeric was for real inviting my wol to a nice platonic zero-subtext dinner," and God bless all of you.
But it's really funny to imagine them all as all-too-real but unreciprocated or perhaps unreciprocatable. The sheer scale of it is comedy. Spoilers for all of FFXIV follow.
Oh God, the Lord Speaker wants to have dinner, just the two of us, at his family estate and not a government building. I hope he doesn't bring up his crush on me. Thal's balls he's about to bring it up—oh thank God there's an emergency. Oh no someone got hurt! Oh no it's the teenage girl with a crush on me.
Your life is a cosmic joke. You watch the Sultana get poisoned and all your friends probably die to save your life and it's kind of all your fault in some ways, I mean at the very least you should've spoken up when they gave the teenager a private army, and then the teenage boy speaks up and is like, "hey, I guess we have at least one ally. What about if we go visit that guy who is really obviously down unbelievably bad for you and wants to lick the sweat off of you." and you have to be like, yeah, Alphinaud. Great idea. Let's do it. I'll call him.
(brief interlude: also haurchefant's DEATH hits so good if you don't reciprocate. It's okay. He gets it. You're going through a lot and even if you had time to sort through your feelings maybe you're just not into him. That would be okay! You can love someone, or the idea of someone, without needing it to be romantically reciprocated. That's chivalric, even. Knightly. So he won't ask you to lie to him and say you love him as he lies dying in your arms. He's not so low as all that. But could you smile for him as you used to? That true hero's smile of yours. And you do, and he dies. And you both know he died for a lie, in a way, or a flight of fancy. And he's okay with that. Are you? Should you be? Should he?)
Then you're into Stormblood and it's like wow, okay. That last part was all high fantasy, of course there were loyal knights and elegant princes. But this is war. Imperialism. Grim business, surely there's no way—oh no BOTH handsome young revolutionary leaders seem to have a special interest in you?! And so does the Crown Prince of the Empire? Come on, man. I should get to do the whole horrors of war thing without having to also deal with this. Gaius sucked and it was weird that he let his foster daughter run around being openly obsessed with him but at least he never made it my problem.
You can't even get away from it across dimensions. Shadowbringers is a horror story about going on a teambuilding camping trip with your work colleagues for some reason except they all suddenly got really hot and they keep touching you affectionately on the shoulder and being like "I care for you and your happiness. Truly." And also you're being stalked for the whole camping trip by two old men who are obsessed with you. The false climax of the story is that the one old man tries to betray you and give a dramatic monologue about how he loves you but the two of you are doomed by the narrative and then the other old man shoots him in the back like "no actually its MY turn to betray them and give a dramatic monologue about how our love is doomed by the narrative." Then the real climax is old man #1 backstabbing old man #2 in the middle of said monologue before old man #2 dies and gives ANOTHER wistful monologue about his doomed love. Then for the patches they're like okay so we have this even CRAZIER old man who's gonna strike when you're weak and give a dramatic monolo—
and that's without even getting into the literal soulmate ghost only you can see
my warrior of light never felt more betrayed than in that scene where Y'shtola is like "haha Alisaie and G'raha have crushes on the warrior of light." Like I thought we were COOL, Y'shtola! I work here! This situation is already in such a delicate balance! Right when I got here I met Alisaie's "friend from work" who was like oh haha so YOU'RE the one she can't stop talking about and we never followed up on that because the woman died horrifically like five minutes later right in front of us! Then when Vauthry got away and we had to do all that shit with the dwarves, G'raha kept pausing every ten minutes to be like oooooh I'm so old I'm gonna die soon...at least I got to spend some time with some people who are really important to me...in fact here's what I'd tell the person who's most important to me...actually u know them really well haha. And I just had to sit there and be like wow, dude, crazy.
even in the face of apocalypse you still gotta go back in time like 12,000 years and there's somewhere there who makes you sit and listen to his story which is that the purpose of his whole godlike immortal life was to be in a throuple with you and old man #2 from the camping trip. and you just gotta sit there the whole time knowing you/your past life is the one who broke up the throuple over politics. He's like come help me harangue the old man into streaking in public, he'll do it if you ask.
then you meet and fight and kill God and you gotta turn to the team and be like hey sorry guys can you give me a sec. I'm gonna call God by her real name because we met one time for like four days and after that the promise of meeting me again was one of the things that sustained her through her millennia of suffering. Not like that but like. Idk. Just gimme a sec!
It's a relief when you finally get to Lahabrea and he's like actually I still don't fuck with your vibe. Like thank GOD.
And my WoL is very obviously dad-shaped so Dawntrail had a very specific energy for me but I understand that for plenty of people your deepening rapport with Wuk Lamat had a romantic subtext (same for Koana depending on how you read a few of his lines). And personally I think it's the height of comedy to be like, noooo, babe, your highness, I know you and your brother the king are in love with me and want me to stick around and support you emotionally through this governmental transition haha. But it's just...the cursed wineglass, babe. I GOTTA go figure out what's up with this cursed wineglass.
It's a running gag in some of the more optional content that people are like "you have an unreasonable number of hobbies and side gigs" to the WoL from time to time. But if every time you tried picking up a new hobby some new elf started baring their soul to you, you too would be like Hey Jessie (or sometimes Krile or Tataru), my good friend who is one of the only people in my life who knows what professional ethics and work-life boundaries are, any chance you need muscle on a gig on the other side of the world? Ideally with only Cid and his ex so all libidinal energy in the room is directed towards machinery or someone who isn't me?
ironically one of the only places you get a break from psychosexual obsession is the nier content
#ffxiv#endwalker spoilers#dawntrail spoilers#shadowbringers spoilers#heavensward spoilers#stormblood spoilers#meta: durai report#warrior of light ffxiv
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use somebody 2 | spencer reid
part one here
summary; spencer dreaded the day he would see you with anything other than a frown on your face, when that day comes, spencer would do anything to bring your sweet smile back.
warnings; some mean police man being sexist and mean to fem reader, protective spencer, fluff, a little angst but like barley any, will there be a love confession??? read and find out!
an; idk im dying. thank u. mgg hand mention
Spencer wasn’t the biggest fan of the jet before you joined the bau. He didn’t have any particular issue with it, there was nothing he could really fault or use as an explanation as to why he wasn’t a big fan of it but it was just boring, he would read and then reread books, then try and sleep.
Then you joined the team and suddenly the jet was one of his favourite places, because you would sit next to him. You would ramble about a new show you were watching or a flower you had seen on the side of the road, and lately you would tell him about your dog. He would get to listen to you talk and get to watch you smile and flap your arms around as you got increasingly more excited as your ramble went on.
On the way home if you were feeling too tired to excitedly ramble about something random you would just sit next to him and let him ramble, the same excited smile on your face nonetheless as you paid the at most attention to whatever it was he was talking about, listening intently and asking questions almost as if you just wanted to keep him talking.
He didn’t mind.
Your plans to watch the documentary he recommended at your house were quickly ruined by the notice that you had a case that would take over the span of your weekend.You had apologised profusely to Spencer as if he didn’t technically cancel on you just as much as you did him. He didn’t mind, he got to spend time with you either way.
In a sort of twisted way, he preferred working a case with you. At least this way you were around him rather than spending your weekends around anyone else. He wondered if that was creepy and controlling and if he said it aloud it would probably end in him over explaining how he just hated the idea of anything happening to you, or you meeting someone else.
You were too kind, for anyone. Especially him.
Thats why he was immensely annoyed when the Police Sheriff of the station they were at in Louisiana, decided to nit-pick every little thing you did. He wondered if the Sheriff was just insanely insecure or if maybe it was a gender issue.
He settled on the latter when the comments ended up going towards Emily, and JJ as well. Just a little bit more towards you, maybe because regardless you continue smiling at him or muttering out soft apologies for whatever minor thing you had done that the policeman had an issue with.
There were many times Spencer wanted to speak up, or shove the old mans faced into a wall — but then you’d smile sweetly at Spencer and he remembered you were a grown woman, you were perfectly capable of taking care and defending yourself. Regardless of this information, Spencer stayed a little closer to you throughout the day.
“Alright, giggle guts, whatcha got for me?” Penelope said over the phone after she had heard your mumble out a cheery hello once it went through. Spencer smiled fondly at the nickname, mostly because he saw your smile widen and a string of laughter leaving your lips, the sound melodic in his ears.
The sound of your laughter only made a small laugh puff out Spencer’s lips because it was so sweet and so beautiful that it was contagious and he couldn’t help it.
“Well, you gorgeous amazing girl. I need you to look up this guy’s medical history, please” the manner was added so sweetly and softly on the end. The compliments left your lips effortlessly, the sound of your voice and the evident smile in it made Spencer’s heart happy.
Penelope said something over the phone but it was inaudible over the sound of Sheriff standing in the corner of the room scoffing. Your eyes flickered upwards towards the sound, eyebrows pinching together in slightly confusion. Everyone’s expression mirroring your own.
Spencer felt dread fill his stomach and over every goosebump on his skin, dread to fear whatever spiteful unnecessary criticism the man would have to offer. The criticism absolutely no one asked for.
“Whats the issue?” Hotch spoke up, arms crossed over his chest as he stared down the sheriff. Was it in a protective manner? Nobody was sure really, the elder’s expression remaining unreadable.
The sheriff kicked off the wall to stand a little stranger, looking at hotch than back to you. “Unprofessional. This is why this is a man’s job. Sensitive squishy women who think life is all sunshine and rainbow are not fit for a job like this.”
Everyone went silent, your lips parted before closing, unsure of how to reply to something so unnecessarily mean. Spencer’s expression hardened. The room fell into an awkward tension, nobody moving or saying anything.
You pushed out a laugh, “Damn okay.. Tell me what you really think” You muttered under your breath, a joke.
Spencer would’ve laughed at your comment, your way to bring light to a room that had been made so dark but he could see the hurt in your eyes and he felt his heart strings pull against his chest, he wanted to reach out and grab your hand, reassure you that you were perfect for this job.
He was pissed. Actually. There wasn’t a lot that could make Spencer mad — this however was one of the few things that did. He shuffled uncomfortably, finding it difficult to hold his tongue. He could tell Emily and JJ was uncomfortable by the comment made.
Hotch opened his mouth to talk but Spencer had beat him to it. “You’re probably, what 65?” He said, his tone of voice curt and blunt it made your heart turn in Spencer’s direction.
The police officer furrowed his eyebrows, yet nodded anyways. Spencer hummed in response, sitting up a little bit straighter as he leant forward to rest his forearms against the conference table the team had been gathered around.
“Right, so by assumption and well — biology. You are actually probably the least reliable person in this room right now, despite age or gender. Your pace is significantly slower than anyone on your team, and i don’t think I even need to compare you to our team because I don’t wish to further embarrass you or hurt your fragile masculinity much more.” Spencer started.
Your head had fully turned towards his now, eyebrows quipped and eyes widened in shock because you weren’t expecting Spencer of all people to come to your defence. Not because you didn’t think he cared but because the boy could hardly defend himself, you just hadn’t expected him to defend you.
“And actually — we use psychology, which women are actually significantly more successful in because of their ability of understanding, gender plays little to no role in our field of work. Its also ironic since I know you heard Derek on the phone to Garcia, you had no issue with what he had said — so I’m very sure that whatever issue you have, is purely because your masculinity feels threatened by girls who are doing a job you couldn’t fathom. Either get your mind out of the 1800’s or get away from our team.”
“Spence” His head turned towards your voice, taking in your wide eyes and parted lips in shock. He had honestly lost himself in the midsts of his ramble, unable to help it because someone had made you upset. The sweetest, kindest, gentlest person was made to feel bad by a way too old male who was clearly unable to adjust to the way the world was evolving.
“Sorry” Spencer apologised for his ramble. The door slammed shut as the policeman left the room, and Spencer felt a strange sense of pride when he looked back up at you to see a gentle smile tugging at the corner of your lips as you pulled your eyes away from him back to the phone.
“Sorry about that pen.. Those medical records?”
Your smiled returned throughout the rest of the day, Hotch had gone out of his way to talk to the Sheriff and although nobody else had any idea what the conversation between the two included, it was clearly enough to make the Sheriff stay far far away from you and the rest of the team whenever possible.
Although your smile returned, Spencer could almost instantly notice the drastic difference. Maybe it was actually minor because no one else noticed, or maybe he just spent too much time admiring your pretty smile. Either way, he knew he didn’t like it.
“Spence” You said the nickname, a hint of curiosity lacing your tone. his head lifted towards yours with furrowed eyebrows and a small nod of acknowledgement. He repeated your name back to you in the same sort of curious tone.
He watched as you sat up a little bit straighter, meeting his eyes, offering him a smile before you head dipped down again and a gentle breath left your lips. “Do you think I’m unprofessional?” You asked, voice small and gentle and Spencer felt his heart ache so tensely it caused physical pain in his chest.
“No” He answered immediately. The rest of the team were out looking over the crime scenes while he opted for staying back with you while you looked for any connecting links between files. “I think you are very professional. You’re kind but that doesn’t make you unprofessional.” He added, quick to reassure any doubt that weighed down on your pretty mind.
You hummed gently, “But-“ He didn’t let you finish or come up with any sort of argument, he wouldn’t have it. He refused to let man who was balding make you feel any less about yourself.
“But nothing.” He said, his voice stern and final yet so gentle. “He was mean and sexist, if anyone is unprofessional it’s him. You are amazing at what you do, you are smart and kind and everyone who meets you loves you. You’re safe, for everyone. Victims especially. Not everyone has that about them” He said.
It was true, when working cases victims gravitated towards you and your comfort and kindness, if there was someone to trust it was you. Kids and witnesses were always more inclined to talk to you than anyone else on the team because there was something so sweet and welcoming and safe about you.
“You do” You said, tilting your head a little as you looked up at Spencer. His eyebrows furrowed slightly in confusion as to what you meant, but his heart skipped a beat anyways.
“You have that something safe about you.” You said, noticing the confusion that covered his features. His heart warmed and ached all at once. Spencer was glad, so so so glad that you found him safe, that he was able to make you feel that way — Honestly he was happy he had any effect on you whatsoever.
“You think so?” He asked, voice a little quieter as he held your gaze. He was scared that if he spoke any louder he may break the fragile moment. You nodded, a small smile on your face, a real smile.
“Mhm, I think thats why I got so comfortable with you so quickly. You’re so.. safe, and smart i think i trust anything you say so please don’t lie to me because that would end really badly for me, and probably give me trust issues and then i will never trust anyone again — and well thats just not good” You rambled out dramatically. Spencer’s smile widened for a series of reasons.
“I would never lie to you.” He said gently, voice carrying a hint of something more, honesty and truth and so much longing it was almost embarrassing, he hoped you missed the way his voice went up an octave.
“Okay good.” You smiled.
Your gaze lingered on Spencer’s for a moment before you turned your head away. He felt like the room had gotten too warm, he had to refrain from the urge to loosen his tie and rub the sweat away from his forehead.
“Did you like the book?” You asked, fingertips grazing over the folder of the case file you were supposed to be reading. Spencer’s eyes followed the movement of your hand before returning to the side of your face.
He nodded, mind going back to the words highlighted in blue and suddenly the room really was too warm, he could feel his palms growing disgustingly sweaty. “I loved it, actually.” Much less because of the context of the story and moreso because you had gifted it to him.
You shook your head as you lifted it to look at him, a smile playing on your lips. He was glad that was back, the sweet genuine smile on your face that could probably drown out any bad day.
“Im gonna be honest, I hate annotating books. I think pages should be left undrawn on, and crisp and beautiful but you like annotating books so i figured.. Um.. That it was a good way to tell you how I felt” You mumbled out, and Spencer was both insanely fond of you going out of your way to do something you disliked for him, and also immensely confused by what you meant.
“How you felt?” He furrowed his eyebrows and he watched as your face went through series of expressions before your eyes widened and your lips parted.
“Oh!” You huffed out, realising he had not understood what you were trying to do and you were now giving yourself away massively. “Oh thats— Really embarrassing actually.” You said as you smiled anyways, bringing your hands up to press against your flush cheeks to try and sooth the warmth.
His eyebrows pinched together as he sat up a little straighter, “No- What? What do you mean?” He asked, he found it sweet what you had highlighted and he didn’t see at all how that was embarrassing, or something he should be making a big deal out of.
You huffed out a laugh, “You’re smart Spencer, and a profiler. Im sure you can figure it out.” You said sweetly before pushing your chair out from the table, standing up. He wanted to reach out but he was stuck trying to figure out what the heck you meant.
“Im going to go get coffee.. Do you want some?” You asked, obviously relishing in his current confusion and obliviousness in order to get yourself out of this all too embarrassing situation if it ended in some sort of rejection you were buying yourself time.
“Um- What? No, No thank you” He answered confused, obviously his mind fixated on what you meant, on what he was missing and trying to figure it out.
You let out a laugh, “You’re sweet.” Before you left the room to get yourself coffee. Spencer’s cheeks warmed instantly at your compliment and if you had stayed longer he might’ve built the courage to argue how insanely ironic it was coming from you.
Instead, he sat confused. His mind going over the two lines highlighted in blue in the book you had gifted him, trying to understand how they referenced how you felt. He made you smile, that was good, he understood that.
But you always smiled. It didn’t take a lot to make you smile so how was that the big confession? Was there some context he was missing. Then he remembered the part of the story the line came from, a love confession. The context of the sentences used.
And suddenly he realised despite his iq, and being a literal genius, he was the biggest idiot on earth.
#spencer reid#criminal minds#reidmania#criminal minds show#criminalmindsfans#spencer reid x reader#spencer criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#spencer reid x oc#criminal minds one shot#dr spencer reid x oc#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x fem!reader smut#spencer reid x fanfiction#spencer reid x fem!readr#spencer reid x plus size reader#spencer reid angst#spencer reid edit#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid criminal minds#spencer reid smut#doctor spencer reid#dr spencer reid#dr spencer reid mm#dr spencer reid x you
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#what matters isnt if hes right or wrong#what matters is if what hes doing is REALLY funny (it is 💕)
While we're on the topic
Before Solas there was no discussion about how Thedas needed to be 'fixed' because the Veil was 'wrong'
So when people say they arrived to this conclusion naturally, or that this is obvious, and use that to prove he's 'right' or justify his actions and preconceptions re: choosing to disconnect from others, and yeah his racism, I feel very skeptical about it
#okay i promise i'm Trying to contain myself here; sorry op#1. good lord yeah i need to dig out that piece i posted half of ages ago#of saar giving solas the biggest WTF look for his plan to deal with the evanuris (while 40ft tall ghilan'nain is looming over them)#still can't believe that 'haha wouldn't this be hilarious' goof thing is basically canon now lmao#2. NoOne was talking about mortality being the elves' biggest problem (even though the og elves being immortal Was part of the lore already#and now there are. at least Some people. who are like 'elves are Literally Dying Everyday bc solas fucked up'#as if That is somehow the worst thing that's happening to elves these days and also the worst thing the veil being up ever did#idk it's just. uh. fascinating to me how people who are v firmly in the 'he's Right' camp absolve him of the horrible shit he's doing#while also heaping blame for So Many things on him which are either#not the fucking issue (elves being mortal)#or not his goddamn fault (mages and elves being oppressed)#anyway. the veil coming down is not the magic bullet solution you want it to be; and if it Was? that would make for a much worse story imo#OKAY I'M DONE#solas#meta#da:i
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