#that part of that is his fault (for dying)
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I know we like writing fics where Jason is all "I'm not the kid you lost" and "he died and I'm all the worst parts of him that came back" and whatever. but lately I've been thinking about a Jason that's angry bc everyone thinks he came back wrong, because to him, he's the same as he's always been. sure, he's more upset and angry and traumatized, but he's still Jason.
I've been thinking about a Jason that spent most of the time since his death underground and then catatonic. to him, hardly any time has passed at all. to his family, three years have gone by. and Jason knows he looks different than he did, and he knows he's sharper around the edges, now, but he's still Jason. he's the same kid that died and now he's back and why doesn't anyone see that?
they're the ones that changed, not him
#anyway#I just think it'd be neat#bc I love a good 'Jason has no self worth and everyone needs to convince him he's worthy still'#but the angst of trying to convince you're family you're still in there#under layers of trauma and pain and anger#that you're still YOU despite it all#and I want him to recon w the fact that Dick and Bruce and Alfred are different now#that part of that is his fault (for dying)#that the rest is their fault (for coping so poorly)#(batman used to smile is the thing)#jason todd#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#dick grayson
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Had a dream where I was talking to my older brother* to solve an issue he has by our pool & people kept beating me up and trying to drown me but my older brother just watches and keeps talking
#*i dont have a brother i was pretending to be his little sister which he didnt have#& his younger siblings were in on it & at several points I went and asked them ''Lmaooo how old was i again?? 6????'' in between the yapping#& the several attacks#every time one of those attackers appear some voice from above (/ Was it my brother?? announces the sin they represent???#Like first was pride then envy then whatever & the last was wrath and i remember getting pissed off at this#voice from somewhere then says ''Ah but was it all worth it... Look at the color... it has been dyed red...'' which ig means the pool???#I guess i was Killing them???? Are you saying its my fault I acted in self defense????? i was literally 6??? Im a minor and neurodivergent??#At one point a cop got into our house & asked me & my brother through the window (We were outside) why we had these small miniature glass#cups in our house when they're used for drugs??? And I had to go ''Yea our father use-D to work as a cop but he's no longer with us 😔 Maybe#he got them as a souvenir or something I mean his boss liked giving him stuff back then so'' while my brother was quiet the whole time#At the end it was revealed that That story was a part of a youtube playlist that i initially thought was 1 whole series made by 1 guy#but apparently these videos (Which I experienced in the same sleep session but before we got to this point) werent a series??#It was some random guys playlist theres no continuity#And my brain made a whole outro about it bc it was that big of a plot twist i guess#All those videos had something to do about women suffering. so sorry women. Not sure whos the woman suffering in the last one.#nillas
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i love how you visit land of dragons for the second time and then these two idiots show up (affectionate.)
#robo ramble#dying to riku in this part is funny like whoops you just accidentally killed sora.#given its really hard to die to riku unless you like. do nothing.#like thats not even his fault you just suck.#i died more to riku than all the fuckass rapid thrusters when i did nothing#<- im surprised i had a save file to go back to that part#you really have no one to blame but yourself#and then theres xigbar who appears for all of 2 seconds which is super funny compared to the overbearing presence of the other members.#ESPECIALLY XALDIN. because she has no life outside of projecting onto anyone who gets to have nice things. (JOKE.)#like luxord just wants jack sparrow carnally. demyx is dead by now. sad. and xigbar just popped in to do his thng and then left which#makes sense . ok im rmabling at this point GOOD NIGHT . SEE YOU IN THE REALM OF DREAMS. new dream eater called manta. thats me bitch.
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Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...
#viktor just turned his body into the arcane and you dont even know!!! his leg is purple!!!!#im not going to excuse vi for saying the kid knew what he was getting into bc he didn't bc he is a kid (here we have ms. projector)#but telling jayce he has always been complicit of this he just didnt have to see it... yeah exactly.#and like she obviousky regrets the kid dying but it was jayces fault lmao why does he blow up on her??? the name calling got to him#jayce thinking omg he is going to off himself and viktor just trying to hide the evidence of his murder akdhsksj well yes he does want to...#i was wondering why the council was so Flabbergasted about the nation of zaun?? like they dont care and basically dont intervene#in the undercity bc they don't have any interest or profit in there. they don't gain anything at all from there.#so of course when silco asks jayce says sure fuck it. the only thing the council needs from zaun is the gemstone and its not even theirs#it's probably just fear of agression towards piltover as another nation and not something they can control or repress#silcos reaction to cait being wheeled in akdhaksj it sounds like he said 'what' he probably didnt know the girlfriend part... understandable#i forgor about her bringing the platter out... like ofc i didnt forget it but i didnt see it coming there. with bad memory you can be#surprised every time you watch the same show 👍🏻#i haven't cried because well the foruth time is a stretch now to cry but i still got chills at the end with the missile impacting....#and like whay would have happened if cait didn't free herself.... like ofc she would have bc everyone in that room could have killed her#not vi etc etc but she did just leave her so who knows really#anyways the monsters appearing in jinxs vision when vi mentions her past family is so poignant to her change.... they dont have the intended#reaction vi meant.... and silco is trying to shut her up for jinx's sake and look what happened to him. like vi really couldn't understand#her sister now and maybe back then either.... like not to be a silco apologist but it seems like he was the only one who could handle her#maybe im exaggerating but it would have gone wrong either way i think like no matger how much love there is in between them#idk man its so bad. like maybe this could have been avoided but it would have gone wrong in a different way for sure#and this couldn't have been avoided#talking tag#watching arcane#three weeks away still.... what now....
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I must admit I'm getting this horrible image in my head of Tarn as that type of creepy guy who donates way too much money to a streamer and then absolutely loses it when he hears they're not single.
That's probably accurate lol. Although unlike (seemingly) most people in this fandom, I blame Megatron more for turning Tarn into that kind of obsessed freak than I do Tarn for being a freak. I mean, my view is basically "you reap what you sow/the monster you created turned around and bit you" so I don't really have sympathy for Megatron with regards to Tarn showing up and ruining his life lol. I actually really like the DJD coming in MTMTE as basically the living embodiment of karma and Megatron's comeuppance about not being able to run away from/ignore his past.
Like blah blah "no matter how sad your backstory is you're still responsible for your own actions" but also Megatron is literally 100% the reason Tarn is Like That, and Megatron also used parasocial manipulation, propaganda, and his grandiose personality to manipulate the Decepticons into worshipping/following him without question. So like. It's fiction, I don't have to be all "well they're all problematic" I can just be like "lol, lmao even" and point and laugh as Megatron gets fucked up by Tarn and the DJD because he can't talk his way out of this problem.
#squiggle answers#i'm not mad at you or thinking you're saying anything#i'm just very fond of dying of the light and i enjoy megatron suffering#i love how dying of the light is like megatron's personal torment nexus of getting trapped by his bad decisions#but also getting other people dragged down with him by accident#and then he's so fucking pathetic that he can't even compromise his 'pacifism' to save those people he dragged down#and then he lashes out in anger and becomes violent and hateful again and slaughters the whole DJD#i love that shit. love when megatron is fucked up and dysfunctional#i'm not saying i wanted him to become WORSE and like die a horrible fate per se#i'm just saying that i disagree with most of the fandom when they're like aww let this old man rest and tarn should fuck off he's a loser#i'm like nah. put megatron in the blender. don't let him just suddenly decide to be a pacifist and then that's it. make him fuck up#ough sorry it's just. i like megatron getting better but i also like him staying bad lol#like i want him to get redeemed but i also still want him to be fucked up and full of anger and hatred. if that makes sense#but yeah. not to be a tarn defender or anything but like#sometimes the fandom seems like it listened too much to the part where megatron was like#'i was happy i was at peace and you ruined everything'#meanwhile i'm sitting there like: yeah they ruined it. and so what. it's your fault. you don't get to be peaceful and happy#when you still have mistakes that you need to address and do something about instead of running away#muah. muah. muah. love dying of the light#i wanted to rip megatron apart from being so pathetic but i was also like. awww sad old man#mostly i wanted to rip him apart tho lol
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the thing i wish more people acknowledged abt arthur is that what he did to bella was unimaginably shitty. i will never ever feel bad for him for that because he wronged her 100%. idc if he was young and felt trapped in a loveless marriage, he chose to get his dick wet he should have shouldered the consequences instead of abandoning his equally young wife to deal with childbirth alone. "it feels wrong :(((((" bitch so what???? you should be able to pull your head out of your ass for long enough to be there for the girl going through immense physical trauma because you fucked her
#im not saying they shouldve stuck it out after but arthur was selfish and cruel and deserves no sympathy#for that little flashback#i mean. he couldnt have prevented her death that part isnt his fault#but hes having a pity party over his feelings while bella is literally dying birthing his child#jkdbdkdkd its being angry at arthur lester hours in this house it seems#im not tagging this this is just for me
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miura on his way to blame himself for deaths that aren't his fault: 🚶
#the first one his friend literally pulled himself out of miura's grip to save his daughter#like literally not miura's choice like what was he supposed to do?#and then he's like if i had been stronger...miura it's really not your fault#most people wouldn't have been able to pull up two people#then this one was a lieutenant dying after taking red puncher when red puncher was incomplete and he was warned that it was dangerous#like it was still tragic but miura couldn't really do much#he says that he should have known more about chouriki and synthesized it like miura you lacked knowledge about an ancient energy that's to#be expected...this aspect of miura doesn't bother me in fact i think it's one of the most interesting parts of him#he's been working on this project for a long time and has experienced things outside and relating to the project and both have an affect on#how he proceeds with the ohrangers in their battle#he has things to protect and he's lost things while trying to protect and he feels so much guilt#ohranger lb#super sentai lb#umbrella.thoughts#umbrella.posts
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'this is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation' sounds like the kind of exaggerated, colorful complaint that I associate with like, modern-day internet humor, but when hear see it in context it's completely different. jack's voice is breaking, he's holding back tears. the pain in his delivery of that line is starkly audible. this is at the end of nearly two decades of seeing ennis only a few times a year, and just hearing that ennis has to cancel their next meeting. he's at the end of his rope, and he's ready to break down. as much attention as "I wish I knew how to quit you" got, I think this is the line that stays with me for the sheer emotion in its delivery
#I wish I knew how to quit you is legendary for good reason tho#and the fact that jack is cheating on his wife with another woman means he's TRYING to quit ennis right?#on some level he just wants to be happy with a conventional lifestyle with a woman#but it's not working for him. that's not who he actually wants and he can't change that no matter how hard he tries#it's sad! it's really sad!#and ennis is obviously afraid of being outed and terrified of dying the way the old man did when he was young like he's obviously#traumatized too. and sure maybe he could have left his family after the divorce and moved to texas#but wouldn't that miss the point? homophobia ruins people's lives#jack is angry that ennis refuses to move#but it's not ennis's fault he may be murdered if people suspected and he's not wrong to be concerned about that#it's a commentary on a wider social issue that ALSO leads to that rage in him that brings him to violence#they could have said more about income inequality and poverty too but that's not the focus of the film#even tho imo it's a really big part of the story and the things that factor into ennis's situation#if he was independently wealthy he'd have more freedom#furthermore if they were women their movements and lives would be far more tightly restricted#bbmtn lb
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OK so I rambled a bit about this on a prev reblog of mine but I've been in search of good songs for my Kylo Ren playlist and I'm shocked that Mama by My Chemical Romance isn't on them!! What song is more Kylo!!
The paternal guilt, the angst about being a bad man, being disowned by a mother for your actions but she still cries when she finds out you're dead! The drama!! The regret!!! It's Kylo!
Ohhh I just got a fun idea for a fic. Would that actually be something anyone's interested in? I've beat my writer's block and am itching for prompts.... it just wouldnt be Kylux.
BUT I also did do a Kylux oneshot that I'm posting shortly, it's on the angstier side but I like angsty Kylux.
So much to write, so little time.
#think of the trans potential too.. much to think about#im feeling so inspired rn too bad im about to leave#ky rambles#ngl im obsessed with mychem and kylo's just perfect for them#not bc haha funny sad emotional man in black = emo#bc he's sad! he needs help! he's made mistakes! he's irredeemable but wishes he wasnt!!#he wont get help#his heart will still cry for it!!#honestly the entire album for the most part fits#shitty person is guilty#dying and struggling with how he did nothing good with his life and only ever hurt his loved ones#how all of these bad things were his fault and he regrets them but it doesn't matter because he's already a dead man#ough...#fic ideas
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FRUITY HC PROMPTS / @hypnoticallycaucasian / ACCEPTING .
🍎 : how stable is my muse’s mental health? have they been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they have any undiagnosed mental illnesses and / or conditions? do they or should they attend therapy?
||. WELL , Link sure does have retrograde amnesia. . . . I'm not kidding about that diagnosis , and he definitely should go to therapy,but to actually answer the question : Link ...exists on a perpetual on a scale, and it always depends on "what time period of Link are you asking about", because the answer will change depending on what he does and doesn't remember.
Link before the Calamity (specifically: before the sword) would have been relatively stable. Outside of being a teenage boy with an extreme sense of duty and pressure to perform, he wouldn't have to contend with much. Healthy home, healthy mindsets, healthy life. It's when he pulled the sword and began to shut his emotions down to be a "reliable hero" that some problems would have begun to manifest. In my headcanon : dissociative episodes (+dissociative amneisa &. subsequent fugue) run congruently with his rising stress levels , and are a related but separate issue to his originally-self-imposed selective mutism.
Link is a slow emotional processor. He thinks through his emotions and takes time to sort them out. (Mostly because he really doesn't get bothered by a whole lot.) But when he's "on duty" or otherwise needed... he doesn't feel himself allowed to take the time to sort it out. Not during, and often not afterwards until well later, either. And then only when he's on his own. In Link's world, it's act first, think (and feel) later. ESPECIALLY when all eyes are on him.
At some point in his development into "Knight Link" (which imo was cemented well before he was actually appointed as Zelda's personal knight), Link's solution to a wealth of emotion without any time to process it all was to focus solely on the physical task at hand, whatever that may be. It ... doesn't shut down the emotion spurring the stress... but he can act. He can do something to stave it all off or fix it while it's happening. Face it head on, and quickly. Unfortunately ... even this isn't always possible in his profession. And this mind vs. heart endeavor is a taxing one. As such, if Link is unable to tackle the issue and fix it, he will rapidly begin to deteriorate into a dissociative episode. Specifically dealing with depersonalization. If the stress continues, Link has a tendency to completely emotionally/mentally black out during these periods. (aka: dissociative amnesia). He'll either seem to be completely spacing out, or completely zeroed in on a task from the outside looking in. (It's caused problems and some serious one-sided arguments with his mother before.)
In some conjunction with this, canonically, Link has been known to voice his inner thoughts and feelings less and less over time. By the time he was appointed to Zelda, it's noted that he barely spoke at all. While he is entirely capable of speech, when he undergoes high stress levels, it can become difficult for him to find the words to voice himself freely. (Now, it is worth nothing that Link is naturally a pretty quiet individual (imo even his voice is on the naturally softer side anyways). Link not talking does not automatically mean he's stressed out. But sometimes there is an inherent inability to speak even if he wanted to.)
All of this is true of Amnesia/Post!Calamity Link, although the triggers are different. Post!Calamity Link struggles a lot more often with depersonalization, derealization and dissociative amnesia + fugue, especially the more he comes to remember his/Hyrule's past. Part of that is due to stress, part of is trauma, and part of it is from just barely cheating death/the reincarnation cycle through the Shrine of Resurrection.
#(honorable mention as usual is his survivor's guilt even tho that in itself isn't a disorder)#(the good news abt the survivor's guilt is link is genuinely grateful to be still kicking and he definitely won't waste his 2nd try)#(but there's always going to be a part of him that's keenly aware that he was /DYING/ and should be all means be dead)#(and that in his place not only are the champions dead where he's still alive)#(but so. many. others. lost their lives. and that's unforgivable to him — granted i think he blames ganon completely. as he should)#(he doesn't blame zelda or her powers and he will strangle anyone who ever dares insinuate it's her fault - and w zelda he will bop her.)#(and i wouldn't say he blames himself but i do think he holds himself responsible at least for not being able to hold out long enough-)#(-after zelda's powers awakened in her. like. if he had just stuck it out even a couple hours.... a couple days to hold the line...)#(for link it's a “what were you doing wrong” @self regarding wielding the master sword's true power)#(combined with “why couldn't you have been stronger” + “why AREN'T you stronger” + “will you ever be strong enough”)#(....which sadly isn't entirely hc that's in the game and only helped by the DLC's trial of the sword QvQ)#(and anyways link DOES count himself incredibly lucky and he is eternally grateful to zel + co for saving him)#(....at the same time he'll eventually come to think of all the people left behind that never got a chance to say goodbye)#(he doesn't get to say goodbye either but the difference is //HE SHOULD BE DEAD// so yknow it's fun it's fine)#(he won't let it be in vain but =4= he haunts himself and that never entirely goes away imo. it gets better! but never fully leaves him)#「 headcanons . 」─ hero of the wild .#「 answered . 」─ letters .#「 ooc . 」─ 999 koroks my ass .#(forgive my rambling about this probably saying the same thing a hundred times over but dbnsajkdbsak)
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sorry if i misinterpreted you OP, i just didn't see any other way to interpret it? but like, i did kind of have a kneejerk reaction every time i saw this post which is why i finally decided to respond and that might have coloured my viewpoint. i just see shen jiu as a very realistic depiction of C-PTSD (and personally i see him as BPD, like binghe - and me) so while "his trauma isn't an excuse to abuse binghe" is 100% factual and benign as a statement, i've seen people claim before that his misery is all his own fault bc he could have chosen to do what shen yuan did and befriend everyone and it kind of makes me want to scream lol. like nobody would Choose to go through the things he went through which is the actual reason he's miserable... i think shen jiu being a contentious figure who is the cause of a lot of wank makes people feel more comfortable saying that kind of thing and every time i wince because i worry we're opening the floodgates to legitimate abuse apologism (sj isn't a nice or good person, so he's to blame for being affected by his past circumstances; on the other hand, people generally like binghe, so understand that he's not to blame for his past circumstances. but it's the same).
not saying that you said any of that, that's just where my head was at and why i wrote an essay dskhfskjssh. at the same time while this isn't your fault a Lot of people seemingly took your post at face-value and agreed with it and i'm just like. guys.... anyway thank u for replying and clearing that up!
this might just be a tiktok issue but every time i see someone say “shen jiu deserved a chance at happiness!” i explode. he had many. his entire life he could’ve made different decisions, he could’ve just not abused lbh, or spoken to yqy, but he never did. that’s his whole thing. he’s even aware of it, it’s like his WHOLE final speech in the extras. he would NEVER EVER take a chance at being better/happy, he’s far too comfortable in his own misery, he has absolutely no idea what to do without it. and he doesn’t want to find out either. THATS THE WHOLE POINT. it’s what makes him such a good character, because he’s realistic in his principles. he doesn’t just hate the antagonist, he hates literally fucking everything and everyone, especially himself. makes me scream idk lmao
#i also think this is part of the ~inherent tragedy~ of pidw#shen jiu couldn't have a chance at happiness bc the narrative wasn't written that way#yue qingyuan would never tell him the truth (until canon deviates bc of sy's intervention and he's 'dying' in front of him but obvs by that#point sj isn't there) and shen jiu would never get a chance to heal or someone stepping in and stopping him from becoming the worst version#of himself bc that was what the plot required of him - scum villain who dies miserable karmic death#he was never meant for a happy ending bc the 'good end' of pidw required someone without his terrible trauma to take over his role#which isn't shen yuan's fault ofc but it IS really really sad imo#meta
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I think the Batkids reaction to a Bruce who isn't de-aged to 8 but rather 29 (pre-Jason death, post his adoption) would be fascinating.
Their reaction would vary wildly:
Dick: Oh. Bruce is soft again. Bruce calls them ‘chum’ and ‘buddy’ and gives head pats for no reason. He still isn’t perfect, his communication skills are still a work in progress, but compared to his future self? Without actively dying Dick is hugged plenty. Bruce asks him to go to the zoo, unrelated to any case, just to spend time together. Dick is hit with more nostalgia and longing for the past than he knows what to do with.
Also notable: his dad is younger than him. That is something. Second, holy existential crisis Batman, his dad is younger than him and already one adult and one teenage kid??? Dick is not ready to feel this old yet. Third, Dick has absolutely no idea how Bruce managed to stay patient through his no-pants years. He is going to thank reason every day from now on that Damian wears full protection.
Jason: After his death and League he clung to an image of Bruce. One many tried to beat out of him, but he still kept it somewhere close to his heart, buried deep enough even he couldn’t see it. When he came back Bruce wasn’t like this idea of him. How stupid of him to believe the mind of a traumatized kid. Trying to create one good thing before the kid drew his last breath. Making up memories that never even existed.
But they did. Every smile and hug and even his words reflect the image tugged safely against his still-beating heart. His dad very clearly, very deeply loves him. Which is so much worse. Because he can understand why a Bruce, who never cared, didn’t kill the Joker. But he cares. So why the fuck did he not kill the Joker?
Tim: The reason he joined the family, the reason why he became Robin in the first place was because he saw a problem when Bruce started self-destructing and thought ‘Someone needs to fix that!’. Therefore he went and collected Dick, who didn’t seem keen on fixing it. So, the job fell to him to fix it.
He thought he did a good job, he thought he fixed the problem. Except now he sees who Bruce was, and he knows he failed. Their Bruce is less soft, less affectionate, less like he was before. Batman needs a Robin and Tim didn’t manage to be good enough of one to save him.
[Or: Tim has a guilt complex a hundred miles wide and blames himself for things that aren’t his fault part 52]
Steph: Jason and she are very similar. Both come from the Narrows, both have a mother addicted to drugs and a shitty father. The differences start when Steph keeps waiting on the roof of their apartment for Batman to whisk her away, while Jason tries to steal the tires of the Batmobile and is taken in.
When Steph started out as Spoiler Bruce tried to keep her off the field, and obviously this one would too (even if he would probably be less paranoid about it), but she knows this Bruce would have also taken her in. This Bruce would be the father she always wished for when she sat on their roof and couldn’t see any stars.
And she didn’t get to have this because Jason went ahead and died. (Of course, she knows she isn’t fair to the guy. Dying isn’t fun… And she knows the only reason she lived is because he died. When Batman rescued her from Black Mask she was in such terrible shape that Leslie managed to convince the World’s Greatest Detective that she died. If Jason hadn’t died Bruce wouldn’t have been as paranoid, wouldn’t have noticed her missing so soon, wouldn’t have been as urgent in his response. Would have been just a minute slower, a minute which would have killed her. Just as it had Jason.)
For her, this Bruce is a distorted mirror into a past which never was.
Cass: This Bruce and B are not the same person. They don’t move the same. In a fight, this Bruce is younger, faster, stronger. Doesn’t compensate for a previously broken spine. Less experienced. Still one of the most experienced she knows, but less.
He still moves differently, outside a fight, less pain. More likely to engage in physical affection, more likely to hug and pat and talk. He talks more than B. B knows what she means without words. This Bruce doesn’t.
She likes this Bruce, warmth, and softness. But not as much as B. He knows what she means, when she wants a hug, when she tells him ‘I love you’ without words. B doesn’t need words. This Bruce doesn’t know her, doesn’t communicate like her. She wants B back.
Damian: At first, when this version of his father seemed uncanny and oddly familiar, he assumed it to be due to the stories of his mother. After all, she always told him tales about his father. He simply did not have the frame of reference to understand the kindness she spoke of. Clearly, the clash between the ideals of the League and the ones of his father causes these feelings, just as they did when he first entered the manor.
He presumed this to be the case until one day on patrol Batman laid a hand on his shoulder and told him he did a good job after no particularly impressive fight and he nearly called him ‘Grayson’. Because the stories of his mother may have painted the picture of this version of his father, however, it wasn’t what made it familiar; no, he knew this kindness. These hugs and compliments one would bestow upon a child. Compliments which, despite the indignity, still warm him. Because Grayson learned how to be a… caregiver from his father.
His father used to be like Grayson, used to be until his grief hardened him. Damian could have had this. Damian could have a brother and father who would- But he doesn’t because of Todd. He loathes Todd. Loathes him for ruining the life he could have had.
Why did he die anyway? Damian certainly wouldn’t have a problem escaping bonds created by the Joker, Damian would have disarmed the bomb in time, Damian would have never thrown this life away like he did.
[Or: Damian is a child who was raised by assassins and has unreasonable standards for fighting abilities and also is a child who needs to focus his rage on someone.]
Duke: He was neither there before Jason died nor in the aftermath [according to my math he was around 4 when Jason died] he joined the family when Jason was already back for 4 years or so. He mostly skipped all the drama. For him, Bruce is the way Bruce is because he is Bruce. It’s weird to see him so different, to see how grief shaped parts of Bruce which Duke assumed were just Bruce things.
He’s glad this Bruce is brighter, or not because it just highlights how much that light will dim? Who knows, certainly not him.
What he does know is that, with their Bruce, he has a distance which, with his parents still alive, he appreciates. With this Bruce, he can understand why Dick struggled so much whether he wants to be his ward or son, how he doesn’t want to replace his parents but still have this Bruce as a dad. It definitely explained the ted talk Dick tried to give him after Bruce officially took him in as a ward.
He likes this Bruce well enough, but he doesn’t necessarily want him to stay this way. Yes, their Bruce is less happy, less open but he did heal, he did grow. Duke met a Bruce who tried to learn from his mistakes, learned to communicate better, and learned when to pull and when to push. For Tim, Damian, Dick, and certainly Jason there is too much baggage, too much history in their relationships, it’s difficult for them to ever move past- anything really.
Sure, when Dick and Bruce are on the same page they are essentially invincible but then the past catches up again and they don’t talk to each other for months. And honestly? Apart from Cass, Duke’s pretty sure he has one of the best relationships with Bruce simply because he got to know him at a better time.
Duke doesn’t mind this Bruce. But their Bruce loved Jason, cared for him so deeply the scars still show to this day. And he still chooses to open up again even if just a bit by bit. Even if just Duke can see it. He is used to being the only one that can see.
And maybe knowing this care extends to him, this love even grief can’t shake? Maybe it makes him feel just a little bit safer, a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter.
#Anyway Alfred is just very sad.#Also i like to believe Bruce learned from each of his kids#just that Dick wanted space and Jason closeness#Tim just wanted Bruce to be more careful and steph wanted him to do more#and bruce kind of tried to learn and then applied the thing that would have been amazing for one kid for another who hates it#by now he kind of gets that one solution isn't going to work for all his kids.#but his relationships are already strained#bruce wayne#jason todd#cassandra cain#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#duke thomas#batfam#batfamily#stephanie brown#batdad#de aging#fic ideas#batman#i have thoughts on Steph & Jason parallels#most of them come from writers not caring about steph but still#that makes them even more interesting to me
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@dukeoftheblackstar and heres another snippet from the same fic which i think gives a kinda sympathetic view to mace. i've taken this straight from my drafts so i'll leave the old tags there. now i'm gonna reblog some pro mace posts lol but i wont tag you in those cause i think i've probably tagged you in enough at this point lol
This snippet is from 'When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it'
It's from Chapter 7, ghost Mace is explaining to past Jaster what he knows of Jango's life, in the future. Here, he's describing the moment he killed Jango and his feelings in the aftermath.
In the midst of the battle, a man started shooting at me. We fought, it was a brutal thing, I was barely keeping up in spite of the Force. I did not know who he was or why he was shooting for me but I did know that if I ceded any space at all, he would take it and I would be dead.
In the end, I came out on top. I can't say I was intending for it, I was just trying to make contact in any place I could, but I caught him with my saber between his helmet and chest plate. He died, after I decapitated him and it wasn't until after the fact that I discovered that he was the one I had been searching for all those years before.
As a young Knight I set out to bring Jango Fett home, to right a wrong, but I was unable to find him. I had thought of him, often. The wrong I had not been able to right for my people. The man I could not save. And then, I stepped on to a dusty planet that I hardly knew, for reasons I hardly understood and I killed a man.
Jaster swallows. When Mace looks at him, honestly paints his face and regret curls at the edges.
"Quite without knowing it, I had killed the one I hadn't been able to save, years after the fact."
His son.
"I hadn't saved him but he survived all the same. He didn't need me to save him, he'd saved himself. I'd thought him dead but he lived to walk up to me all those years later. He survived that slave ship so that he might die at my hand years later."
The fact that he's sorry for it doesn't really cushion the blow. This is the man that killed his son. He is dead because of Jango but in a far off future, Jango is dead because of him.
How did he die? This Jedi? He had time to discover Jango's identity after the battle so he must have survived it. Did he later die of wounds Jango gave him? Jaster thinks not. None of this has been easy, none of this is simple. There remains a weight in the air, the burden of the remainder of Jango's story. An oddity considering it should end here.
He looks back to Windu, watching his face.
"I did not mean to kill your son Jaster. I meant to save him, but I was quite unable. The idea of him haunted me as steadily as any ghost and then, I killed him. I didn't know who he was when I struck and I did not know when he fell that he had already killed me, long before that day. It would be three years before my heart would stop but I was dead from the day Jango Fett landed on Kamino."
"I did not intend it, but I did it all the same. I am sorry that I killed him and I have to live with that regret even now, in death. I remain here knowing that I killed the man I was intending to save, the man who I had never forgotten failing."
Jaster is a warrior. He knows what a fight to the death is like. He has known the ferocity that an adult Jango would hold long before he knew that in a later time, the galaxy would know his son as 'The Jedi killer'. What a title. Jaster had not wanted this life, the one that from Mace's perspective has already passed, for his son. He wanted something kinder, easier, for him. It hadn't happened. Jaster had been unable to give that to him.
Mace didn't have any choice but to kill him but, all the same, as a father it is Jaster's right to hate him, just a little, for taking his sons life.
Jango deserved better than the galaxy that had delivered him to this Jedi on that day. He deserved better than the life that had shaped him in to the man that would attack this Jedi and lose. He deserved, parents that wouldn't die before he had finished growing, a second chance that worked out differently. He deserved everything and anything Jaster could give him and maybe, even that could not be enough. Could never be enough.
Mace looked at him. "Everyone in that hall is there because Jango is responsible for their death. I am not sure if the same can be said for me. Jango is responsible for my death but is that the reason I linger?"
The Jedi looks far away. "He haunted me far before he ever died and now I haunt him far before he ever killed me. He lined up the pieces of my death long before I met him in that arena. And I killed him long before he killed me. Time is not linear for the dead, but in the case of Jango and I it is even less so. The story of our haunting is a circular thing and in truth, I can not really say who of us is haunting who
He meets Jaster's eyes. "We are here to discuss why we haunt Jango. But it would be remiss of me to not tell you that your son has haunted me every single day since I left on a mission to retrieve him, to try and offer reparations for what my peoples neglect brought down on him, and came home empty handed."
"We thought him dead, but I did not forget him. From that day, I've carried the weight of what we did to him. I have often thought of him over the years. You hold no blame here, but we just might."
I love this bit. To me it's very clear that Jango's death was largely Jango's fault. In this fic, Mace finds himself on Galidraan with little understanding of why he's there, just trying to act in the moment to defend himself and other Jedi. Jango starts shooting at him, clearly shooting to kill. Mace knows that he's in danger, he knows that if he dies (because Jango intends for one of them to die. He will not stop until one of them is dead.) Jango will go on to kill more Jedi until one of them gets the upper hand, and so Mace acts in a way that is very understandable and defends his life with all he has. He's reacting rather than planning any of this, Jango is not giving him a chance to think about any of it, so when Jango is about to get the upper hand, Mace takes the only move available to him, and goes for his neck.
It's understandable, he had no choice, and yet, because of who Mace is, I think he'd find it very difficult to come to terms with having killed someone in that way. It's horribly violent (lightsaber deaths always seem to be??? Decapitation isn't quite bisection but it's not great. However, I think such a thing would be even harder for Mace to confront than it was for Obi Wan.) and I think Mace would struggle to accept that he really didn't have any choice, and anyone would have done the same.
And then!!! This Mace, is a Mace that has been metaphorically haunted by Jango ever since he 'failed to save him'. To know that Jango was out there to find all along and Mace just didn't manage it? That Jango didn't need Mace to escape, but that he suffered for longer thanks to his own rescue being left to him. That in that suffering, he became the kind of man, that would be in the arena, forcing Mace to kill him. That had Mace done anything about this constant reminder (was that a sign? From the force?) of Jango for all these years, he could have helped Jango. He might have stopped him doing what he did with the clones. He might have helped him process what had happened, so that Jango didn't end up on a suicide mission, determined to throw himself head first in to fights he can barely win, only so he can try and repent for not dying with the rest of them, the first time or the second.
Mace was a master Jedi, if anyone could help someone work through trauma, it was him. (His struggle to process it all himself is 100% not a sign of his ability. You can understand how to healthily process emotions to the n th degree, but it won't stop you being human and falling to human difficulties. He is the best person to help anyone else through this stuff, but when it comes to himself, he's too close. That's why Jedi help each other work through stuff.) But Mace wasn't there, because he didn't think Jango was out there. In spite of this constant lingering reminder at every step, he didn't look. And so Jango carried on, hating that he survived, living only to carry out this corrupted form of justice, until he finally met the end that he thought he should have met years before.
Mace couldn't help him, and then, he ended up doing the worst thing possible for him. He gave him this violent death, that in Jango's grief and pain, he was sure he deserved. I just think the more Mace learnt about Jango, after finding out he's just killed the man he thought had died thanks to his failure all those years before, going on to see the depths of what happened to Jango, what it made him, the more responsible he'd feel. If he'd only found him. What he went through on the ship. What the clones went through. All those years hating himself for surviving. Boba, who Jango wanted in spite of his self hated, who he loved so fiercely but could NOT do right by.
I think Mace would look at each part of it and a part of him would be like 'none of this had to happen. If you'd done your job, you could have saved him from that ship, from becoming this. You would have spared him from himself, but also the clones, Boba, everyone else he hurt.' I do think he would have known that this wasn't rational, and would have worked through it, been working through it, as he lived on and more and more things crept out of the woodwork to remind Mace of his one failure. Each revelation about jango is something else Mace might have prevented.
And then, Mace's death at palpatines hand. He speaks to the other ghosts and suddenly he sees. He sees the big picture. What Jango did to him, did to his people.
Mace has it completely right when he looks at this haunting as a circular thing. Who is haunting who? Time isn't linear for ghosts. He was haunting Jango from the start, but also, Mace didn't start haunting Jango till he'd already killed him. Mace not being able to forget that mission early in his career, the boy he hadn't been able to save. Was that bog standard guilt? His brain kicking up dust? Or was it the force warning him that Jango was out there, that he should look. Was it neither? As a force sensitive could Mace feel his future self, pulled back in time by his connection to Jango? Was the feeling of Jango haunting him, actually his own ghost, obsessed with the man he was tied to, the one responsible for his death.
He and Jango orbit each other before either of them are dead in a way the other ghosts don't. But it being uncertain who's haunting who? That's true of all the ghosts. Jango haunts them just as much they do him. They are ghosts because they can't let go of him and he can't let go of what he did to them.
#I've been thinking about this#cause i saw a post talking about who's fault Jango's death was (i think it was a poll?)#anyway i have very strong feelings about this. because i very much do think that Jango was never surviving to see the war#he'd done his bit dooku didn't need him. i don't think dooku set up his death at Mace's hand. but i do think that he knew the man Jango was#and knew that by placing him in that arena; he'd get himself killed. arena full of Jedi. Jango always would have tried to fight them and#it would always be a fight to the death. because of who he was. his pride & he didn't care about surviving enough to walk away from a fight#he was too intelligent to not know he wasn't getting out alive. tangle with nasty ppl you wind up dead when they don't need you.#& he knew bad ppl well. but he never tried to get away. i think that was cause a part of him wanted to die. he walked in to that death#i do think he loved Boba. but i think he hated himself hated that he'd survived everyone. more. think he'd convince himself boba was better#with him dead. so i don't think mace had any hand in Jango's death really. if not him it would have been someone else. Jango would have#created that situation with anyone. HOWEVER#i don't think Mace would see it that way. i think he'd struggle to accept that he did the only thing he could and i think the understanding#that it was him or Jango BECAUSE Jango was determined to die & take out as many Jedi on the way out as possible. would make it harder for#him to accept. he completely played in to this suicidal impulse. Jango was a sentient in pain who needed help. mace wants to be someone who#helps.but instead he let himself be played.he was the sword and the hand that held it and he killed him in a particularly violent move#(which i think was unavoidable in the moment. if he'd delayed he would have died he was acting not thinking. Jango made it so.)#it was not Maces fault but i think he'd struggle to accept that even when knowing it objectively.if it were another Jedi he'd help them see#but for himself it's hard to come to terms with. knowing that dying in such a violent manner was what Jango thought he deserved#i think would make mace feel like he'd been the worst version of himself in that moment and someone he could have helped payed for that#it was fun to explore in this fic cause mace had been sent out to find Jango after galidraan and it had stuck with him as a failed mission#early in his career. in the time since he's done all these amazing things but he always remembered boy he couldn't save at the start#and then. years later. mace ends up inadvertently killing that same man. he doesn't know who Jango is.he has no idea that he survived until#he's already dead at Mace's hand. i think theres a horrible sense of neatness to it all.#so yeah! i don't think mace is guilty but i think he's the kind of person that would feel he was all the same#Mace is great#part 3
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the other thing I find very funny about trying to write a canon compliant wol is taking all the wolship hints extremely seriously.
I don't really wolship because I'm just fundamentally not that kind of fan. But I know for those who are, the sheer number of romance hints FFXIV throws at you can be overwhelming to parse in a context where you have a preferred/intended wolship, particularly if you're not attracted to the gender the hints are coming from in the first place (a particular tip of the hat to wlw fans navigating the g'raha of it all). I've seen plenty of people write around them or write them out or be like "no aymeric was for real inviting my wol to a nice platonic zero-subtext dinner," and God bless all of you.
But it's really funny to imagine them all as all-too-real but unreciprocated or perhaps unreciprocatable. The sheer scale of it is comedy. Spoilers for all of FFXIV follow.
Oh God, the Lord Speaker wants to have dinner, just the two of us, at his family estate and not a government building. I hope he doesn't bring up his crush on me. Thal's balls he's about to bring it up—oh thank God there's an emergency. Oh no someone got hurt! Oh no it's the teenage girl with a crush on me.
Your life is a cosmic joke. You watch the Sultana get poisoned and all your friends probably die to save your life and it's kind of all your fault in some ways, I mean at the very least you should've spoken up when they gave the teenager a private army, and then the teenage boy speaks up and is like, "hey, I guess we have at least one ally. What about if we go visit that guy who is really obviously down unbelievably bad for you and wants to lick the sweat off of you." and you have to be like, yeah, Alphinaud. Great idea. Let's do it. I'll call him.
(brief interlude: also haurchefant's DEATH hits so good if you don't reciprocate. It's okay. He gets it. You're going through a lot and even if you had time to sort through your feelings maybe you're just not into him. That would be okay! You can love someone, or the idea of someone, without needing it to be romantically reciprocated. That's chivalric, even. Knightly. So he won't ask you to lie to him and say you love him as he lies dying in your arms. He's not so low as all that. But could you smile for him as you used to? That true hero's smile of yours. And you do, and he dies. And you both know he died for a lie, in a way, or a flight of fancy. And he's okay with that. Are you? Should you be? Should he?)
Then you're into Stormblood and it's like wow, okay. That last part was all high fantasy, of course there were loyal knights and elegant princes. But this is war. Imperialism. Grim business, surely there's no way—oh no BOTH handsome young revolutionary leaders seem to have a special interest in you?! And so does the Crown Prince of the Empire? Come on, man. I should get to do the whole horrors of war thing without having to also deal with this. Gaius sucked and it was weird that he let his foster daughter run around being openly obsessed with him but at least he never made it my problem.
You can't even get away from it across dimensions. Shadowbringers is a horror story about going on a teambuilding camping trip with your work colleagues for some reason except they all suddenly got really hot and they keep touching you affectionately on the shoulder and being like "I care for you and your happiness. Truly." And also you're being stalked for the whole camping trip by two old men who are obsessed with you. The false climax of the story is that the one old man tries to betray you and give a dramatic monologue about how he loves you but the two of you are doomed by the narrative and then the other old man shoots him in the back like "no actually its MY turn to betray them and give a dramatic monologue about how our love is doomed by the narrative." Then the real climax is old man #1 backstabbing old man #2 in the middle of said monologue before old man #2 dies and gives ANOTHER wistful monologue about his doomed love. Then for the patches they're like okay so we have this even CRAZIER old man who's gonna strike when you're weak and give a dramatic monolo—
and that's without even getting into the literal soulmate ghost only you can see
my warrior of light never felt more betrayed than in that scene where Y'shtola is like "haha Alisaie and G'raha have crushes on the warrior of light." Like I thought we were COOL, Y'shtola! I work here! This situation is already in such a delicate balance! Right when I got here I met Alisaie's "friend from work" who was like oh haha so YOU'RE the one she can't stop talking about and we never followed up on that because the woman died horrifically like five minutes later right in front of us! Then when Vauthry got away and we had to do all that shit with the dwarves, G'raha kept pausing every ten minutes to be like oooooh I'm so old I'm gonna die soon...at least I got to spend some time with some people who are really important to me...in fact here's what I'd tell the person who's most important to me...actually u know them really well haha. And I just had to sit there and be like wow, dude, crazy.
even in the face of apocalypse you still gotta go back in time like 12,000 years and there's somewhere there who makes you sit and listen to his story which is that the purpose of his whole godlike immortal life was to be in a throuple with you and old man #2 from the camping trip. and you just gotta sit there the whole time knowing you/your past life is the one who broke up the throuple over politics. He's like come help me harangue the old man into streaking in public, he'll do it if you ask.
then you meet and fight and kill God and you gotta turn to the team and be like hey sorry guys can you give me a sec. I'm gonna call God by her real name because we met one time for like four days and after that the promise of meeting me again was one of the things that sustained her through her millennia of suffering. Not like that but like. Idk. Just gimme a sec!
It's a relief when you finally get to Lahabrea and he's like actually I still don't fuck with your vibe. Like thank GOD.
And my WoL is very obviously dad-shaped so Dawntrail had a very specific energy for me but I understand that for plenty of people your deepening rapport with Wuk Lamat had a romantic subtext (same for Koana depending on how you read a few of his lines). And personally I think it's the height of comedy to be like, noooo, babe, your highness, I know you and your brother the king are in love with me and want me to stick around and support you emotionally through this governmental transition haha. But it's just...the cursed wineglass, babe. I GOTTA go figure out what's up with this cursed wineglass.
It's a running gag in some of the more optional content that people are like "you have an unreasonable number of hobbies and side gigs" to the WoL from time to time. But if every time you tried picking up a new hobby some new elf started baring their soul to you, you too would be like Hey Jessie (or sometimes Krile or Tataru), my good friend who is one of the only people in my life who knows what professional ethics and work-life boundaries are, any chance you need muscle on a gig on the other side of the world? Ideally with only Cid and his ex so all libidinal energy in the room is directed towards machinery or someone who isn't me?
ironically one of the only places you get a break from psychosexual obsession is the nier content
#ffxiv#endwalker spoilers#dawntrail spoilers#shadowbringers spoilers#heavensward spoilers#stormblood spoilers#meta: durai report#warrior of light ffxiv
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#what matters isnt if hes right or wrong#what matters is if what hes doing is REALLY funny (it is 💕)
While we're on the topic
Before Solas there was no discussion about how Thedas needed to be 'fixed' because the Veil was 'wrong'
So when people say they arrived to this conclusion naturally, or that this is obvious, and use that to prove he's 'right' or justify his actions and preconceptions re: choosing to disconnect from others, and yeah his racism, I feel very skeptical about it
#okay i promise i'm Trying to contain myself here; sorry op#1. good lord yeah i need to dig out that piece i posted half of ages ago#of saar giving solas the biggest WTF look for his plan to deal with the evanuris (while 40ft tall ghilan'nain is looming over them)#still can't believe that 'haha wouldn't this be hilarious' goof thing is basically canon now lmao#2. NoOne was talking about mortality being the elves' biggest problem (even though the og elves being immortal Was part of the lore already#and now there are. at least Some people. who are like 'elves are Literally Dying Everyday bc solas fucked up'#as if That is somehow the worst thing that's happening to elves these days and also the worst thing the veil being up ever did#idk it's just. uh. fascinating to me how people who are v firmly in the 'he's Right' camp absolve him of the horrible shit he's doing#while also heaping blame for So Many things on him which are either#not the fucking issue (elves being mortal)#or not his goddamn fault (mages and elves being oppressed)#anyway. the veil coming down is not the magic bullet solution you want it to be; and if it Was? that would make for a much worse story imo#OKAY I'M DONE#solas#meta#da:i
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IF UNCLE!READER GOT KILLED BY JOKER:
Imagine being the twin brother of Bruce Wayne. Dying by the hands of joker when trying to cover for Bruce as Batman. Damian saw your limp body, breathless, and motionless. It reminded him of when his grandfather died. The poor boy screamed out in agony seeing his beloved uncle die. The joker laughs and runs away, thinking he killed the real Batman. Only for his consequences to catch up to him. 
Bruce started to go to a dark place, his only brother. His brother who didn’t deserve to die, his brother who was the most sane and normal person in the bat family. He starts to break badly, wanting to kill joker at last. Wanting to break jokers face in for laughing at your body. Wanting to torture him. Wanting jokers to suffer in hell.
Dick, who cried hearing the news. His uncle, the uncle that helped him with the nightmares when he was just a little boy without parents. The little boy who would love to watch cartoons with his uncle. The little boy who felt the same as he stands at the grave of his gone uncle.
Jason who feels anger, if he was there with you instead of that little brat. He could’ve shot and killed joker before he killed you. Jason could’ve taken you to the Lazarus pit. But he’d knew you wouldn’t want that. He stays in your cold and lonely house, no longer feeling cozy and warm with you gone. No laughter of you, no uncle to nephew talks. No reading books together and laughing at parts or discussing. No planned book talk. Nothing. Only rage and sadness coming from Jason as he makes sure your house is clean…
Tim who just stayed in his room more, trying to track down joker with vengeance in his eyes. “Justice, not vengeance” is what Bruce would’ve told him. But even Bruce may not listen to himself. As this, was a serious case to the family. Losing more sleep that his body might shut down. Alfred tries to get him to sleep, but Tim cannot bother to not listen to the poor butler who is worried for all of the boy’s mental health. Tim will find joker, even if it kills him.
Damian who feels so guilty, so guilty he stays in his room. Holding a stuffed animal you had given him. When he first met you, he didn’t really want to bond with you. That was until you showed him some of your arts. Your arts made him look up to you. Damian clutched the stuff animal you gotten him from a fair, to make him feel like a real child other than a weapon, an ex assassin, Robin. It was only Damian, and his uncle. Damian cried hard as he felt his heart break. He only wished he was stronger and taller. He only wished he was there sooner so he could’ve saved you from your fate.
All the robins soon planned a plan to kill joker. Seeing their father so devastated and depressed at the loss of his brother gone. The killing rule is no longer needed when the uncle and beloved brother of the family is now gone by the hands of a monster. Now, it’s a terrible life time for joker.
You, who watch the boys with a sad look in heaven. Wanting to return and hug them, tell them that you are okay. Tell them it’s not their fault. Tell them to not go down to the dark path. Tell them to still move one and live their life. But you know it’s hard. Isn’t it?
#dc x male reader#dc x reader#dc imagine#damian wayne#damian al ghul x male reader#damian wayne x male reader#dc comics x reader#damian wayne x you#damian wayne x reader#batfamily x male reader#batfamily x reader#batfamily#batfam x batuncle#batuncle!reader#bat family x reader#bat family#tim drake x male reader#tim drake x reader#tim drake#jason todd x reader#jason todd x male reader#jason todd#dick grayson x male reader#dick grayson x you#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson#bruce wayne x male reader#bruce wayne x you#bruce wayne x reader#dc angst
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