#that one of the Key muse visual differences. to me at least. is no more big loose layers............ well fitted and neat garments for you!

[intertexts]

rough timeline shit......

[midnightsslut]

I was reading all the discussion about cardigan, the love triangle and the 1 and idk I’m still not convinced that they have shades of Matty. I’m not opposed to the idea, but there’s just so much vagueness and connections that could be done with other songs that make it hard for me to think that’s for sure about him. Like for example the rosé being present boh in the 1 and maroon and we know for sure that maroon is about Jake since Taylor basically confirmed it twice with the tiktok like and the mashup with red. Like when I first heard maroon I immediately thought that there was maybe a connection with the 1, that most likely the muse of the song was the same. And with cardigan the fact that it ends with Betty saying that she knew James was coming back makes me think that the guy did in fact came back (I abstain myself from saying whether they got back together or not, Taylor says they do, but I’m open to the possibility they didn’t) and by the time she wrote and released the song her and Matty had not come back together, I mean it was literally confirmed last year when they started dating that they reconnected in 2022 and I see no reason why they would’ve lied about that

oh I’m not certain by any means. I literally flip flop hour to hour, and that usually doesn’t happen quite so extremely lol. I think the rosé reference is too little to go on tbh—I know she uses key visual images as symbols of different relationships, but rosé is also just linked to youth, wealth, having a good time, etc. i agree that they definitely reconnected in 2022, but there’s no reason why she wouldn’t have wondered about him before when she was miserable. like, she pretty much explicitly says she did on chloe et al. it’s not like she was in touch with jake, harry, or john when making midnights, but she wrote about them anyway. I just think that if there are multiple songs on ttpd about how she at least wondered about him a few times—yes, fortnight definitely comes after their reunion, but chloe doesn’t necessarily—and there’s a song she wrote about a film that was never made with someone who has a chosen family and meets women on the internet, it’s pretty reasonable that those two muses are linked. the love triangle/cardigan def has way more to do with joe than matty (again, specific imagery), but the 1 is a different matter, especially when you consider that she wrote it on the same day as hoax. she was going through a lot of turmoil in her life and resorted to daydreaming about a relationship that never really came to be. that’s exactly the story ttpd tells.

eta; a lot of songs on folklore probably aren’t about one thing only, but idk the 1 always felt kind of specific to me, and i could never pinpoint why (i know a lot of people disagree). she said hoax was unusual for her because it had multiple muses. she could’ve used that style of writing in another song she were the same day, but I’m inclined to think a ton of songs on folklore aren’t all that vague lol.

[drowningactually]

My Review of Fashion Dreamer as a Fashion Game in 2023

I will start off expressing I did not go into or still expect Fashion Dreamer to be a Style Savvy experience. I knew it would be a different game and concept I understood that when it was advertised as an ‘influencer’ game. I do not need it to be another Style Savvy. What I do expect however are certain gameplay features that should be standards for a fashion game and I will be comparing it to various fashion games in this post when exploring my opinions.

So, Fashion Dreamer came out and within two days of its release I got to platinum rank and reached the credits and I now have a lot to say in regard to how it is as a fashion game.

I will first give points for successes in the game:

Graphics: they’re wonderful. The character models and colours are great, clothing has really improved and there is minimal ugly pixelation in designs. Environments are also visually beautiful.

Music: the soundtrack and sound design is really nice; I like Cocoon Act and the bingo music best. I also really like how you can give nice soundtracks for your showroom.

Clothing: The clothing we have so far is really modern and stylish, and while I hope we get more styles especially for unique fashion like gothic, lolita and rock there is already some great items to use.

You can play as both types of muse and have up to three. They also remain under the same brand you already have which will be good or bad to different people. I like also that its ‘Type A’ and ‘Type B’ instead of male or female, it suits how artistic, and gender non-conforming fashion can be (however I recognize there are still major issues with this in game which I will get to about gender expression…)

Type B fashion is also good, and again I hope they continue to expand the clothing options we have what we started with is already a good and it’s great to see type B fashion being given a chance to shine for once in a fashion game.

Making a brand logo has an array of cool pre-made images to utilize which is nice.

So those are things I think really stand out that I like. My list of things that need to be improved is going be more of an essay than just a bullet point list.

The Fashion Itself:

I will start with the blatant disappointment in the use of fashion in this fashion game. First of all, to launch without key accessories such as bags, necklaces, bracelets, and gloves is just not acceptable. Any fashion game would have these staples they elevate outfits immensely and it is so disappointing to see they are not there at all. It’s like having a fashion doll who only comes with a moulded-on top, cheap plain skater skirt and plastic slip-on heels. Where is the rest of the outfit? I know some items incorporate necklaces and leg warmers but they’re scarce as it is. You can’t even layer items of clothing! Layering is a key element of any styling game; how can you not include it?

My next point is the designing feature is very foundational. You get an item, and you change its colours. That is the extent of designing clothes. There is a colour slider feature for clothing but its not the most flexible working one, the other colours are by pre-mixed palettes most of which you unlock through making lookits. No way to add patterns or prints or graphics or decals. Which means essentially, we are all designing the same clothes and flooding the game with them as there is only a finite amount of colour combinations you can make. No real personalisation to your items if you can’t customize them any further. Imagine Fashion Model by Ubisoft (where you design the clothes that the models wear) at least allowed you to add some unique patterns to the clothes you designed in that game (this game came out in 2008 for the DS.)

Which brings me to my next point, the lack of a way to design your own images, icons or even patterns. Even Animal Crossing New Horizons allows you to make custom designs. Imagine how much depth would automatically be added to designing clothes if you could use your own self-made prints and patterns or graphics. Not only would it mean more varied designs to show off and share, but it would allow some leeway for cultivating styles. You take that plain t-shirt sample and make it gothic with your own custom drawn graphic, or that plain straight dress into light academia by adding personal decals. I get that since the game is online mostly there is a need to censor any inappropriate behaviour and custom graphics may make that harder, but why cut out something so integral to the process of designing clothes because of moderation issues. Just add a report item feature for players to use if they see any offensive designs (Animal Crossing has it!) And with decals having the ability to add bows, jewels/gems, ribbons, lace or chain etc. would also add good variety and its such a simple process to do.

Influencers set trends and create them. You can’t do that when we’re all designing the same items of clothing with the same repetitive colours.

I also want to add here (because I don’t know where else to say) that I have the personal opinion (and this may be controversial) that your showroom should only be able to showcase items you yourself have designed. Thus consolidation the idea of a brand, and give players a reason to explore show rooms more if they know each one will have unique items from that player’s brand, and give players a reason to build a unique personal brand in the first place (albeit with the very limited designing options.)

Gameplay features

Immediately I have to add onto everyone else that the sort of function is a clunky joke. Each item of clothing already is called its style (i.e sandals are called sandals; a top is called a blouse) so why can’t we search for them individually. Or search by colour palettes since you know what colour an item is as the game is recognizes this when you achieve a colour combination at the end of making a lookit. The game already lags HARD when creating lookits, maybe it wouldn’t if I could go straight to a shoes tab and find the one pair of heels I want without having to scroll through everything else.

I at least like I can change the sorting to having my brand at the top (there should be an option to sort by all brands anyway) which is nice but still having a much more concise and organised wardrobe would be ideal and make making lookits way more fun.

Customisation while okay is still really lacking too. The fact that you unlock hairstyles and new makeups completely randomly (and in my experience very very rarely, to the point I thought it was not possible or bugged and not implemented) is just sabotaging the whole idea of customization. That’s not even touching upon how Fashion Dreamer is missing out on the concept of styling by not allowing you to also style NPC’s hair and makeup when making lookits (this goes for online players too.) Having a real clear way to unlock more unique hairs and makeups and not the BS ‘try on’ feature should just be expected, what other fashion game would hold back these features of customization, something the game should be elevating.

Also, just really stupid to not have a way to record your own lookits and outfits. Just let me do that or give me better sorting for clothing as changing my player outfit is a daunting drag otherwise.

I already stated I don’t need this game to be Style Savvy but why is there at least not any kind of real objective? When you take in how underdeveloped the existing designing and style features of Fashion Dreamer are it makes it hard to stay engaged with the game, I keep asking myself what am I even doing any of this for? With the raking in the likes and followers its more of an idle game if anything. I make a design, I set it as my hot pick choice, and I collect some likes form other players. I repeat. That’s it. If the game had a story or consistent reason to talk to NPC’s outside of being blessed with the rare chance of getting a new eye colour the vapid designing element might be more interesting. The game even has a ‘quests’ tab but doesn’t do a single thing with it post-tutorial. I get this could just was made to just be a dress up game, but as I have already stated the dress up options are so minimal and basic its like playing a shitty mobile game.

Which is something other people have already pointed out. If Fashion Dreamer started out as a mobile game it all makes sense, the bingo, gatcha and vending machines, as well as online element and basic customization fits the mobile game mould. And yet even if it was meant to be, there are stronger (albeit predatory) mobile fashion games (looking at you Love Nikki) that do the fashion game concept so much better and even incorporate a story. For £40 I expected my mobile import fashion game to have a little more substance and try and do something interesting. Regardless of if this is not Style Savvy, Syn Sophia still made those games, those successful fashion games that did a lot of cool and fun things with the genre. Have they stopped trying with Fashion Dreamer? Is this the best they could do? Those games were so successful due to the gap in the market for girly fashion games, and now in 2023 there is still that gap I expected Syn Sophia to take advantage of that and do something exciting with the genre or at least try. There are more ‘girly’/casual and cosy gamers than ever especially on the switch, there is a market demand here so why not fulfil it?

I quickly also want to point out how disappointing it wad to reach the long and boring end credits within less than ten hours of gameplay. I really felt like I had experienced are really good game there /s. But seriously the brokenness of progression or more the lack of progression is what makes this game not even a sandbox type of experience, there is not really anything to do. The three unlockable cocoons are pretty, but void of anything interesting, they’re just the same format (main area, pop up area, salon) with varied but mostly uninteresting gatcha materials to obtain.

And while I appreciate that you don’t have to pay for Nintendo Online to play online (if you did, I would be outraged since single player is so dull on its own that paying for the game and membership on top would just be outright theft really) the lack of being able to interact with other players outside of requesting lookits makes the game feel kind of lonely? There should at least be a little more push for social interaction, some sort of chat or way to see live players in real time. Bring in a sense of community and that will push the idea of sharing designs and brands and give people a reason to play more.

Finally, while I expressed that distinguishing styles by ‘Type A’ and ‘Type B’ is good, the face that you cannot cross styles over, meaning male characters can’t wear any female character’s clothing is just well…. Stupid? I admit I am not a game developer or modeller, but just make one body type and add breasts and give the option to play as breasts or no breasts? The game already accounts for clothing being on small/tall bodies, so made it account for tits or no tits. There now everyone has access to all clothing styles, and we don’t need to feel like there is an imbalance in type A clothes over type B clothes. It’s just a really weird design choice to separate clothing styles when body types are not varied, the only differences is slightly broader shoulders, faces cross over as the face customization is just the same, so stopping male characters from wearing feminine clothes is an outdated game play choice that limits everyone (and surely results in developers having to do a bit more work separating styles?) Also allow for more diverse body types like come on.

Conclusion

Right now, this is as much as I can summarise with my feelings. The game just does feel incomplete, or like a scam. A free mobile game ported to console with no new additions riding off the idea it’s a real ‘fashion’ game. And by all means I truly believe you absolutely can enjoy the game the way it is, I will still continue to play and make a design here and there, but I think all players should know that what they have is hardly the foundations of a fashion game and for the price they deserve better and way more that what they got. There is always room for improvement and criticism without devaluing your own personal enjoyment and experience.

[toon-rp-finder]

"Alright, let's do this one more time! 🕸️💞"

⭐ Hey there! F 18 here looking for other 18+ Roleplayers to indulge on some Across the Spiderverse OCxCC fun! I'm looking for FxM ships on my side. Definitely double friendly although I am not used to doing it in this fandom.

[What I am looking for]

• I am searching for someone that could play both Pavitr and Hobie for me, to be paired with two different OCs. I don't mind if you have experience musing them already or if you want to try it out for the first time, or even if you think your interpretations are a little OOC. Throw them my way! There is no shame here.

• I am looking for someone that could be at least literate, but I don't care about reply consistency at all. You can reply once or twice a day? Nice! Once a week? No bother! Whatever fits your schedule, I can adapt to it.

• By all means feel free to share any headcanons you might have and please talk OOC with me! Plotting things together and going crazy about it is one of my favorite parts.

• Although I don't expect NSFW to be a major part of the plot, I am by no means opposed to the idea. I just ask for a bit of development before we dwell on the topic if we decide to add it!

• Wether we decide to age the characters up or keep them the same age is up to you. Again, I can adapt to anything.

• Dark themes are more than welcome to be explored, I just ask that you tell me what you'd like to add beforehand so we can discuss how to better implement it in the plot! The chances of me saying no to something are very slim.

• Like I said, I am double friendly, although I have very little experience with the characters in this fandom. I can try to RP pretty much anyone for you, what type of pairing (MxF, MxM, FxF, etc) you want doesn't matter to me! I'm down to anything.

• I RP strictly on Discord, as I believe it to be more organized.

[About my OCs]

• First one is her Earth's spider person! A singer and Teen idol in ascension if you will, but it is quite hard to manage identities, just like it is for every other Spider person out there. She's latina, inspired by the Hyperpop genre when it comes to singing. She was bitten by a jumping spider.

• the second OC is the first one's Venom. Japanese, inspired by the Visual Kei subculture, be it fashion, makeup, music, etc. An alternate version of her was Hobie's Gwen Stacy, but that version of her is dead by now. She was initially a villain, but now is considered an anti-hero and my other OC's friend.

________________________

This is all! I think this is a long shot, but if anyone out there feels interested in the slightest then please interact with this post and I will come running! ^^

😉👍

[thevoiceofthepeople]

My Rules and About Me

POV Be Me: Dexter or Dex or Dee or whatever. (He/They, heavy preference on They tho)

Age: 32, soon to be 33.

I've been rping on and off for about twenty years I believe, I got the One piece bug after going through my old rp blog and missing my gurl boss Seda. I have adhd and a not so busy but really full list of things I should be doing most days so I may dip in and out of here when I have free time.

When it comes to rping, the key to me is fun. If I'm not having fun I'm not doing it. So that being said, I don't make overly flashy/stylized posts. Graphics design is not my passion and so I don't find any of that stuff fun for me to do personally. Same with making a Carrd or any of that. Everything you need to find about me and my gurl will be on this blog and tagged accordingly. If you are looking for something in particular let me know and I'll gladly tell you. I have maybe 4 spoons on a good day and I'm not using up my good spoons doing something I dislike when I could be doing something I enjoy.

If you need a post formatted a certain way, let me know, otherwise you are getting it raw, baby!

Just don’t ask for the text to be too small. I have dog water eyesight so I still have to make it accessible for myself.

I yam an artist tho so I'll be more inclined to include art with any post about Seda I make because I'm a visual learner. And sometimes, a quick image gets the job done.

Da Rules

1. The basics: Mun =/= Muse, Don't tell me what my character is doing, don't get overly shippy without us talking about it out of character.

2. Don't be a dick. If you are flinging around isms and phobias, then I will unfollow and drop any threads we are having. If it's something that can be talked about cause it's a misunderstanding then we're cool. But if it's a "Actually, I don't think brown people should have rights." You can fuck right off with that. I'm a black bisexual trans person, so anything that goes against my fundamental human right to exist is conversation ending.

3. Both mun and muse are in their 30s and so, if there IS any shipping, let's keep it gucci with someone close to her age range or older. And I'd like to rp with people over 18. If you are younger, I'm going to ignore you. Sorry.

4. I do adore shipping, but I'm not hungering for it if there is no connection. Same with friendships. If it doesn't feel right, let's not force it. Seda is more than willing to talk with someone she loathes and I think that's a fun dynamic to rp out. Duplicates of anything are just fine with me. In her old form, Seda was bffs with at least three different luffys and she loved them all to bits.

5. There will be talk of sensitive subject matter as is the nature of One Piece, but anything truly nsfw will be put under a read more or moved to private discussions.

6. Speaking of nsfw, I have a pathological inability to write nsfw rps in public, so very likely, anything saucy will go fade to black. I will likely draw it though, just, having to put a mirror to myself and then telling everyone "Hey y'all, look at this vulnerable display of passion and lust that I'm writing with my own two human hands with another person!" fills me with dread.

7. Because I have adhd and the brain of slug sometimes, I make spelling mistakes. I try and catch them but I'm sure there are at least 5 in this post alone. It's just gonna have to be something you accept. No matter what I do, I don't see the mistakes.

8. My main focus is on One Piece characters but I'll rp with characters from other fandoms or just fandomless ones.

9. Anything about Seda is subject to change because that's the nature of life baby. She's had a lot of play testing from my blog ten years ago so this version of her is the stable 2.0 edition, but if I see something I like or decide a piece isn't meshing right, I reserve the right to change it. (Just as we can change anything about ourselves, yada yada)

10. And number 10, don't be a dick x2. I truly am just here for a good time and to play around in this little sandbox we call Tumblr Rping. When it stops being fun for me, I'll stop. But until then:

[dirtanddistance]

Bill's Beer Run Race Report

Date: 29 October 2023

Location: Casey Key, Florida

It’s been said before that you can never go home again. Nothing is ever quite the same, including you. On the other hand, I would suggest that this is a cynical take that only looks at the merits of being able to return to something wholly static. As I learned this past weekend at Bill’s Beer Run, you can go home and find yourself grounded in all that has changed since you were last there.

I’ll begin this race report with the disclaimer that I have not run it since I was perhaps in high school. At least 13 years ago. I certainly was not running with my brother then, and my mom could still beat me on a good day. Dad was alive, and largely uninterested in road races (or cross country races, or track races - to be fair, these are not spectator-friendly events). Walking into the New Balance store near the bridge to the beach with my mom and brother was like walking into a place frozen in time; the merchandise on offer had changed, but the store itself was ever the same, as were the faces of the volunteers checking us in. Friendly faces from a different lifetime asked where I lived now, excitement growing in their eyes as they told me how much they’ve always wanted to visit Vancouver. We drifted off to the Mellow Mushroom nearby for dinner, another place seemingly untouched by the passage of years since I had last been inside. I wasn’t entirely sure when I was here last or with whom. I can still remember the first weekend of October 2018 when my dad and I sat in the patio section, splitting a veggie pie; he told me about his Parkinson’s diagnosis with his cane (a new accessory) perched against the table as though I’d never have guessed anything had gotten worse since we’d last met. Being in the Sarasota Mellow Mushroom is not a glum experience for me, despite that memory. Weirdly enough, I consider this place to have some weird energy that somehow brings my family closer whenever we are there. I digress, however; this is supposed to be a race report and musing on the passage of time, not a deep dive into my experiences in a local chain restaurant.

The weirdest part of this race is the complete staticness of the course. Bill’s Beer Run has a very straightforward format; you run 2.5 miles, turn around, and run back. The start and finish line has been in precisely the same place since the dawn of time. The scenery of houses and hotels and occasional glimpses of the beach look identical year in and year out. They claim that there is a ‘hill’ at one of the curves in the road; however, after living outside of Florida for more than 15 seconds I can arrogantly confirm that this is not, in fact, a hill but rather an excuse for a disappointing split. Running it 10 years ago or one week ago is the exact same experience visually and physically. You drown in the humid air whether you are acclimated to it or not. I imagine whoever ran the first one had a nearly identical experience to mine last weekend. The flora and fauna of Florida are also very static. Palm trees and scrubby plants that hardly budge and have no seasonal alter-egos stande firm through storms and hurricanes line the way and contribute to the sense that parts of Florida must exist outside of time itself.

The last time I ran this course as basically a child, I was with my mom. Running a race with my mom during her racing prime was one of the most obsessive experiences a human being can ever have during their mortal coil. You arrive at the location no less than 1+ hours before the starting time. Back in the day of race-day packet pick-up, you would need to be at that check-in desk at opening time and not a moment later. Numerous trips to the bathroom would occur, with much hemming and hawing about when to head to the start line (at least 20 minutes before start time) and how much water to drink before the final trek over. There is absolutely no science to any of these decisions. Once I went away to college, I was finally able to work out that this plan was actually absolutely insane and figure out something a bit more reasonable. Running a race as adult-me with my brother after going to bed at 3 a.m. (Halloween Horror Nights was fantastic, thanks for asking) is a much more zen experience. Get up 30 minutes before you need to leave the house. Leave the house at most one hour before the race starts, arrive no more than 30 minutes before the gun goes off. Slam an energy drink and some water, maybe a protein bar. Time your fluid intake so you can go to the bathroom within 15 minutes of the race starting. Run as hard as you can without either throwing up or passing out. High-five each other while staring blankly at the ocean, and then spend the following hours politely entertaining your mom’s friends who remember when you were 10 years old, reflecting on how as much as things may seem static here, you have changed and grown in ways you haven’t paused to notice.

Now, you’re probably wondering ‘Where is the actual race report?’ and that’s a great question. After writing up a couple of wild trail adventures, I can’t say I have much to tell you about running 5 flat miles out and back on a two-lane road in coastal Florida. I will tell you that an energy drink can absolutely make up for the fact that you didn’t sleep the night before but you will trade some of your sanity for that optimization. I can also say confidently that I would have rather been doing Squamish50 instead of redlining my system trying to go sub-40 in a road 5 miler. Racing in an area where the demographics skew older, they tend to do the age group awards in descending order. Which, for me and brochacho, was torture. This race also did age group awards 10 deep. We might be millennials, but we certainly sounded like boomers complaining about too many awards basically being participation trophies. I’m just deeply grateful that I somehow did not get a sunburn waiting around for them to finally announce my age group so I could claim my second-place pint glass and go home (and resist the urge to explain the UTMB-WAM/CMTR debacle to anyone who would listen).

Towards the end of the morning (as I was explaining the UTMB-WAM discourse to my mom, and breaking the news that I would, in fact, register to do Squamish 50M again), she asked if that was my thing now, if I was a trail ultra person. I hadn’t really thought about the ‘types’ of running being separate identities very much before then; I’ve never exclusively done one or the other on purpose, and even this past year in which I returned to the ultra scene, I maintained a few road races on the schedule. Being somewhere where trail races and ultras are not only accessible but same-day sell-out events, was not something I had ever conceived of before I moved to BC. The same scene simply does not, and perhaps cannot, exist in Florida. Watching the community here respond to the corporatization of the trail running scene, I realized how pure of a sport the trail offshoot can be and how the potential ramifications of ‘selling out’ isn’t really a thought in my hometown running scene, for better or worse. I am thankful that I get to have a foot in multiple communities, with distinct flavors and histories, and that I get to experience the very unique pleasures and pains of absurd community driven trail ultras as well as those of obscure hometown road races. Every mile we run takes us to a new place, whether physically or just within ourselves, and with every race or run we become a little more of who we are, no matter where in the world or the terrain underfoot.

[altsvu]

a little jealous, i suppose?

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau!female!reader

wc: 2.8k

summary: after being called in for a case in the middle of a romantic date, you and hotch have to talk to the lieutenant on the case, but they end up flirting with you at the same time. hotch gets a little jealous and proves it when you and him get back to the hotel room.

tw: sex talk, A SHIT TON OF SMUT, some fluff, swearing.

a/n: this is a long one lovelies! i had so much fun writing this! jealous hotch can be a bit naughty... but this is my first (completed) smut fic with hotch and i hope it doesn’t sound super weird or whatever bc i lowkey suck at smut

criminal minds masterlist! ✯ taglist! ✯ text messages!

✯✯✯✯

You and Hotch had been dating for almost a year and a half now. Upon dating, the two of you had decided that it was best to not say anything to the rest of the team. Although you wanted everything to be kept under wraps, everyone wanted the two of you to be together though, and they picked up on the many interactions that you exchanged with each other. It had been easy to keep the relationship a secret, or at least the idea of either you or Hotch being in a romantic relationship, until now when you came into the BAU floor wearing a revealing dress and a full face of makeup.

“Well, well, well,” Morgan whistled. “Looks like someone’s going on a date.”

“Shut up Morgan, you’re just jealous it’s not with you.” you laughed. “I am not jealous at all. You do look really good though.” he responded, in which you blew him a kiss.

“You look so beautiful! Your date is definitely gonna fall head over heels for you.” JJ squealed, coming up to give you a hug. You knew exactly who she was talking about. Hotch. She was the only person you were able to confide in about your relationship with him even though you had practically become best friends with everyone on the team. “Thank you JJ.” you smiled.

“Who’s the lucky guy?” Reid asked.

“Or girl?” Penelope said.

You looked for some of your items from your desk, trying to avoid the team’s burning questions. “All I can say is that he’s... definitely older.”

“Well, you know what they say, the older the wiser.” Emily suggested.

“Yes, this man is very wise.” you replied, putting your badge and gun in your purse. Little did everyone know that they were talking highly of Hotch.

Rossi came out of his office. “Well, you’re not going on a date with me.”

“Unfortunately-“ you frowned, then paused mid sentence when your phone rang. You pulled it out and broke away from the group to make sure they couldn’t see the name.

“Sweetheart, you know I can’t wait to see how beautiful you look.” Hotch mused. You could tell he had a smile on his face. “Well babe, lucky for you, I’m about to leave. See you in 5 okay?” You replied.

“Of course.”

You hung up and dropped your phone in your bag, grabbing your coat. “Alright everyone, I’m off. Don’t miss me too much, I’m a big girl, I’ll be okay.”

“Walk you to the elevator?” JJ asked. You nodded sincerely. You then said your goodbyes to everyone and walked out with JJ.

“He’s lucky to be with a woman like you.”

“Yeah, I like to think that. I’m just glad he doesn’t treat me like a child, ya know. I may be the youngest here, but when we’re alone, everything’s just different.”

JJ lifted an eyebrow. “Ohhhh, I see.”

You playfully smacked her on the shoulder as the elevator door opened. “Girl stop. It’s more than that.” You walked into the elevator, blowing a kiss at JJ.

“Have fun!”

✯✯✯✯

“You look absolutely amazing, did I tell you that already?” Hotch complimented as you got out of the car.

“Yes you have, about 5 times already, but I appreciate the compliments. You look quite handsome yourself, Aaron.”

“Thank you, my love.” he said, kissing you on the lips.

The two of you went inside the restaurant and followed the waiter to the reserved table, which had seating next to each other instead of across and the environment was pretty chill since there weren’t a lot of people inside, so it felt even more romantic. It gave you more freedom to perform many forms of PDA, which was something that Hotch wanted to experiment more with.

“So... everyone on the BAU floor is questioning who I’m dating,” you started. Hotch looked up at you mid bite. “Really? What’d you say?”

“I’m dating an older man who’s very wise.”

Hotch sneaked an arm around your waist. “I’m glad that you think I’m wise.”

“I can think of a lot more.” you whispered. You then crept your hand up to the nape of Hotch’s neck and pulled him closer to you, planting a passionate kiss on his lips.

“Mmm, I know what I’m gonna do to you when we get home.” Hotch murmured into your ear after kissing you back. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’re gonna be shaking when you walk into the BAU tomorrow.” His fingers tickled your bare skin, and you hoped you weren’t getting an orgasm from his touch.

“Oh what a naughty, wise man you are.” you mused, taking the opportunity to kiss and nibble on the soft skin that was Hotch’s neck. You sucked on it hard, leaving a dark red mark.

You went back to enjoying your meal and chatting when you were interrupted by a phone call.

“It’s Garcia.” Hotch whispered. He then proceeded to answer the phone. When he got off the phone with her, he looked disappointed. “What is it?” you asked.

“We’re being called in.”

“Fuck.” you muttered under your breath, hearing your phone ring too.

Hotch took your face in his hands. “It’s okay. We can finish date night another night.”

✯✯✯✯

You had texted JJ that you would be meeting them on the plane to avoid suspicions from the rest of the team and you would be briefed when you arrived. JJ had grabbed your go bag for you as well.

“Y/N, how was your date?” Emily asked.

It was tempting to smile and look at Hotch but you were able not to. “Despite it being cut short, it was amazing. We had... plans after dinner.”

“Oooo, risqué.” Morgan cocked his head to the side. You pinched his cheek and collapsed in one of the chairs, wanting to sleep. In a way, you were a bit upset that you and Hotch had to be called away from your date, you seriously wanted him to be all over you, kissing you, sucking on your skin, massaging your forbidden spots.

“Very. Where are we headed?”

The rest of the team then briefed you on the case and when you landed, you’d have to go with Hotch to talk with the lieutenant that was the lead on the case and set up at the field office.

While you were looking through your copy of the case file, you got a text from Hotch.

SSA Hotchner BAU ❤️: That hickey on my neck won’t be going away for a while, Rossi’s already asking about it

SSA Hotchner BAU ❤️: he thinks i had “a little rendezvous” before being called in.

You stifled a laugh.

You: well... you did. With me of course

You: Keep him wondering, I’ll give you more in our hotel room 😘 and i’m also holding you to that promise

SSA Hotchner BAU ❤️: the things i want to do to you... i wouldn’t even be able to count

You bit your finger and looked out the window, wanting the day to go by fast. Hotch was sitting across from you, so he looked up at you for a slight second with a grin on his face, which caught your attention quickly. He gave you a wink and looked back down. Moments later, the jet was arriving at the team’s destination and you were eager to just change out of your date night clothes.

“Do we have time for me to stop by the hotel we’re staying in?” you whispered to JJ while getting off the plane.

“My beloved friend, we’re on a time crunch.” JJ started. “But, I’ll let you come with me to get the keys for our rooms.”

You sighed in relief and smiled a thank you.

✯✯✯✯

“I kinda wished you didn’t have to change out of that dress.” Hotch admitted. You side eyed him, knowing that he was joking. That was until you turned to look at him and he was staring at you, examining you almost. “Me too,” you smiled, turning to look at him. “But obviously that would be super inappropriate.”

“Well of course it would be.” Hotch growled, pulling you closer to him.

“There’s cameras,” you hissed.

“Good.” One of his hands grabbed your ass and you let out a gasp. Clearly Hotch did not care whatsoever about the cameras, all he cared about was you, and how amazing you looked in front of him. That, and closing this current case as soon as possible. He took your face in his hands and kissed your lips ever so passionately, stopping just in time for the elevator door to open. As you were approaching the lieutenant, you straightened your shirt in hopes that he wouldn’t think that anything suspicious was going on.

“Lieutenant Baker, I’m SSA Aaron Hotchner and this is SSA Y/N .” Hotch said, shaking hands with Baker. When he got to you, a smile creeped up on his face and he lingered a bit after shaking your hand. A bit odd, you thought. “Thank you for coming,” he finally replied. “These suspicious murders have been going on for too long and I’d like to put an end to them as much as you do.”

“And that’s why we’re here.” Hotch agreed. “Is there a place for us to settle?” He led you and Hotch to a conference room with an evidence board, and as you were walking, you felt a familiar hand on your back, creeping to your waist. Goddammit Hotch. You glared at him to stop before he got caught and he only looked back at you with a smile on his face.

The rest of the time in the field office wasn’t bad, but you had a very huge feeling that the lieutenant was trying to make some moves on you.

It’s not like you weren’t used to this, men just found you super attractive. But you only found one man that was attractive.

Aaron Hotchner.

“Hey.” you turned around to find the lieutenant standing next to you. “Is there anything that I can help you with?”

“Nah, just putting these pictures and visuals up. Hotch and I are gonna review the case files until the family comes in to talk to us.”

“Ok, that sounds good.”

You noticed that Baker was still standing in your vicinity. “Is there something that you need from me, Lieutenant?”

“No, not at all. Let me know if you need anything from me, I’ll be trying to round up some potential witnesses.” Baker said, squeezing and rubbing your forearm for a moment and walking away to his office. He had a side grin on his face.

You, on the other hand, stood in your spot truly dumbfounded. Your mouth slightly gaped, you turned and watched Baker walk away. Suddenly your eyes made their way to Hotch, who was looking at you across the room, a grin also on his face.

“What was that about? He ask you if you were dating anyone?”

You rolled your eyes and finished putting up the map for Reid to use later. “Please, no.” Hotch was then standing by your side, leaning against the wall beside the evidence board.

“That wasn’t just any touch there.”

“Yeah well, it didn’t mean anything to me. Did you forget that I love you or something?”

Hotch pulled you into a kiss. “Of course not.”

“Good,” you whispered. “Then what’s the issue? A little jealous, I suppose?” You put emphasis on jealous.

“Agents? The victim’s mother is here.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” Hotch replied. He turned back to you. “We’ll talk later.”

✯✯✯✯

It was nearing the end of the day, and everyone was tired. It was only the team’s first day in a small Nevada town, but a lot was accomplished.

Riding in the car with Derek, Emily, and JJ back to the hotel room, you let the breeze flow through your body. Nervousness washed over you as you thought about the morning upon arriving at the field office.

Hotch always had underlying meanings to even the simplest things he would say, which is why you couldn’t stop wondering if he was the slightest bit upset at the lieutenant for advancing on you, the person he loved with all his heart.

“Hey.” JJ poked at your arm. “What’s going on? Trouble in paradise?”

You smiled a bit. “No, uh, I guess there was a bit of tension since the lieutenant was flirting with me.”

“He was actually good looking, I think he’d be a great match for you.” Emily suggested, turning around.

“Y/N does attract almost every male species.” Derek commented.

“Guys, stop, I’m just... not interested in him.” You said simply, turning back to the window. The only thing running to your head was what Hotch had planned for tonight.

When you got to the hotel room, you found things the way they were, only Hotch’s go bag next to yours. You pulled out your robe and shower essentials from your go bag - you hated using hotel soap - and started to strip. When Hotch came out of the bathroom, you were only in your underwear, slipping on your robe, and he was only in a towel.

“You didn’t say when you came in.” Hotch whispered, planting a small kiss on your head.

“I know, I didn’t wanna bother you. I’m gonna shower quickly okay?” He nodded and you then went in the bathroom. When you were done, Hotch was in bed wearing a white shirt and grey boxer shorts. God, he looked so hot.

“What conversation did you want to have earlier?” You asked, wrapping your robe around a bit tighter.

Hotch gestured to you to lay next to him. “You know how I get when it comes to people flirting with you.”

“Yeah, you go feral. Internally, of course.” You paused. “Wait. Is Aaron Hotchner... mad?”

His hand snuck inside your robe, trailing up to your chest, cupping your right breast, sending chilling shockwaves to the rest of your body.

“Let’s just say I wanna show you that you belong to me.”

Oh, Hotch was jealous alright.

You turned to face him and that’s when he worked his magic. One side of your robe slipped off, and next thing you knew, he was teasing your clit, making you wet. Your shallow breaths and whimpers filled the emptiness of the room. He continued teasing you for a bit, then you watched as he pulled out his cock, stroking it a bit while staring at you dead in your eyes. You knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted to make sure you knew he was the one in control, and that he would do anything to get off on your pleasure.

He made extra sure of it when he started cockwarming you.

Oh fuck you Aaron, you said in your head as small whimpers escaped your mouth.

“Yeah, you like when I do that to you?” Hotch- well Aaron, asked roughly. “You like feeling my cock inside you, don’t you?”

He was enjoying the sight of you, close to him, almost orgasming on the spot. But he wasn’t gonna let you get off that easily.

“What’s wrong, my sweet girl? Hmm?”

“I- I need you, Aaron,” was all you could croak out.

Aaron shifted on top of you and you curled your legs around him.

“Sweetheart, you’re gonna have to speak up for me to give you what you want.” Aaron teased, taking of his shirt.

“I need you Aaron,” you repeated a bit louder.

Aaron smiled and thrusted hard and fast into you, in which he took no time. “Good girl.” He let out a fierce groan when he did so.

“Who makes you feel good?”

“You do,” you moaned. “You make me feel good Aaron.”

He kissed you fiercely in response with one of his hands gripping your neck and the other holding on to your leg. “God, you look so sexy under me, my sweet, sweet girl. You take me so well.”

He knew you wanted to come, your flushed face gave it away. But when you asked, ever so politely, he responded with a firm no.

“You don’t get to come until I do.”

“But Aaron, plea-“

“No.”

As he was going faster, you felt yourself nearing an orgasm, and all you wanted to do was melt under him.

He pulled out just after he reached his high and smashed his lips against your clit, stimulating you even more. When he finally let you come, it came on strong and heavy, and a loud, broken “Aaron” escaped your lips. You did not care whatsoever if two of the other team members in the next room heard you. Aaron on the other hand was enjoying every moment of it. “Oh, my sweet girl, you taste amazing.” he mused.

When he was done he collapsed next to you.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just... that was super hot.” you breathed, moving closer to him.

“It was. I think now you know who you belong to.” Aaron whispered, caressing your cheek.

“Much more than I did before.”

Aaron offered to clean you up, and after, the two of you slept soundly for the rest of the night.

✯✯✯✯

taglist: @averyhotchner @storiesofsvu @ssaic-jareau @blackbeautifulqueen @dr-omalley @morcias @mstrinnyb

[danddymaro]

Resistance | Leone Abbacchio x Reader

Anime Abba if no one minds; Just an advance since I know the manga and anime have different color schemes.

Thoughts are italics in quotations = ‘Example’

Flashbacks are in italics = Example

Word count :  3229

 After the fight With Illuso Abbacchio can no longer hold back 

 Stay Back

 His glazed, golden eyes stayed trained right ahead as his body sluggishly slumped over the brick wall. He struggled to stay upright, somehow pushing past the overbearing pain for just a moment longer as the strength of the human spirit coursed on within his tired, worn being long after he’d accepted his fate.

Like a traveling sludge, he'd left a sticky trail behind, one that would be evidence of his sacrifice, all of which would be the only thing left behind aside from his cold carcass,

And he was fine with things being left as they were; so long as the mission was a success.

After all, they'd gotten the key, and as messy as things got, it was a win in his book.

' That's all that matters… ' he thought with content, struggling to breath, his sight beginning to blur as occasional little black splotches scattered across his hazy vision,

"Yeah...At least… At least I did that right," he thought with a snicker, albeit a rather bitter one, humored that while his life had been a waste, he’d done just one thing successfully,

'But...there's just one thing…' he thought to himself, chuckling wearily at the recollection of a rather dejected face he’d last seen, deeply wishing that hadn’t been his last memory of her, but somehow grateful that it was, because then he could live on with the idea that he died with her resentment.

And maybe then, she wouldn’t miss him. Maybe then he’d only be an ugly memory she’d be willing to forget, finally getting it through her head that he wasn’t ever worth the worry.

“Just stay back!” he barked at her, looking back at her with hardened golden eyes narrowed fiercely at her as she tried to leave along with them.

“Keep watch if you want to feel useful,” he said in an offhand sort of manner, making her face fall, disheartened.

(e/c) colored eyes then hardened as he followed up with more expected backlash, the woman visually preparing herself for his sharp tongue, swallowing it all down with a quiet nod.

“Why the hell Bucciarati insisted on you coming… it's a mystery to me.” He said lowly, completely turning from her by then, not sparing her another glance after the uttered words.

Frowning, Giorno stepped towards her, his hand raised to touch her slumped shoulder before she shook her head, immediately perking,

“Okay!” She agreed, “I’ll stay here!” She chirped, “Abba’s Right,” She went on, “Besides, I wouldn’t want to get in the way,” She added, an undertone of hurt weaved through the façade she put on.

“So you guys go ahead. I’ll take care of things here.”

All the while her eyes were stuck on the other man’s back, watching as he drew further, his shoulders squared and tense as he went in search for the important item, the other two males following in suit, though seeming just as exasperated as her at the elder man’s choice of words.

“I’ll have a talk with him,” Fugo said softly as he walked past her, offering her a lax, apologetic grimace of a smile.

‘You always do,’ (f/n) mused, smiling back nonetheless, finding his effort to help her to be sweet, yet futile because it never changed anything.

‘It won’t change a thing,’ She added, her expression dying as they drew further from her.

She wished it wasn’t so and that somehow, the cycle would cease.

“By now… She should hate me…” Leone said to himself, his heart weighed down by the thought,

'But it's all for the best, ' he silently added, lazily blinking.

‘It’s better you’re not here…It’s better you stayed back,’ he thought with true gratefulness, a shuttered, thankful breath falling past his painted lips.

He thought of her running into the Stand user herself, doubting she’d have any better luck than he did, because after all, her stand wasn’t made much for the offensive, just as his own stand wasn’t.

Hers was meant for love; to care for and tend others. It did wonders on everyone else, the drawback being that the power was useless to her, something that was befitting of such a selfless person.

She could do wonders for others, but not for her own self.

‘And If you were hurt...I just know that bastard Giorno would have the time of his life fixing you up,’ He thought bitterly, hating how close the two had gotten, right from the start,

“It’s nice to have another healer,” she said while showing off a happy, little, quirky smile, one that made Abbacchio’s jaw clench, and seemed to have its own effect on the younger male as well.

Sweetly, Giorno smiled back, a featherlight blush dusting over his features, “(f/n), right?” He said back, meeting her halfway to grasp her hand, the small contact being something the elder man paid attention to keenly because it bothered him so much to see her cozy up to the rookie as though they were old pals.

“ Bucciarati mentioned you briefly.” He revealed to her, making her smile grow,

“Really?” She said surprised, “What did he say?” She asked curiously, wondering just what her Capo had said about her to the rookie.

What was she known for?

“He said well...” Giorno trailed off while suddenly growling nervous as the words formed a knot in his throat, “ Oh well, nothing really!” he insisted, not wanting to repeat that he’d actually referred to her as ‘the pretty, little sweetheart,’ much more, that he’d actually agreed with him the second he found himself locked eyes with her and she smiled to him, seeming to be the most amiable of the group.

It was easy to tell that in some sort of way, Giorno liked her and it irked him. It bothered him even more so to see that not only Giorno showed interest in her, but also had the nerve to go out of his way to make her giggle, finding any excuse to do so, behaving innocent with each attempt, 

"Usually the flowers trail behind you," Giorno started, falling into step with (f/n) as she walked alone, "But today..." he trailed off, humming, "I don't know, " He started, “You don't seem as bright," He added, quirking a brow, stopping right before her, reaching down to lift her chin up.

"It just isn't right," He told her, concerned, the genuine look of worry crossed over his features.

"What do you mean?" (f/n) asked, her dimmed (e/c) colored eyed gleaming up at him, curious as to what he meant.

She knew that perhaps she seemed dull, but to be fair she hadn’t had much sleep to begin with.

"You haven't smiled today," He explained, "which isn't right, as the sun should always shine," He added.

Shaking her head, (f/n) giggled, finding the quirky, little line to be even cornier than Mista’s own cheesy throw-away ones. She was ready to comment on it when his stand appeared before her, the humanoid being’s power at work,

" Giorno," She muttered, watching with growing eyes as a little flower sprouted from the blonde’s hand, the golden, little face of the white petaled blossom facing her,

"Ah...There we go," He mused, a cute, little dust of pink on his own face, chuckling at his own moronic actions.

Perhaps it was over the top, but he knew it would liven her up, and that's all that mattered to him at the moment, because to him, if anyone deserved to have a smile drawn over them, it was the kind woman.

All the while, (f/n) thought of him as sweet, the charming young man being someone she greatly appreciated for his considerate nature, while on the opposite end, the other man in the room brooded, annoyed.

"Tch, " Leone clicked his teeth, his eyes fallen far away from the pair as he ground his teeth together, turning his nose,

'She'll grin at anything he does,' He thought irked. 'She'll just stupidly smile at any shit anyone tells her,' He added, wanting to turn back and eye the cute, little expression, but knowing full well it would scathe him as he remembered just why it existed.

"Shit.." He muttered, trying to push the thought of her away as he realized that she’d yet again invaded every bit of his mind, even during his final moments of what was supposed to be peace.

And it seemed as though somehow, his thoughts had reached her, because before him a small moving blur grew, coming closer to him with hasty speed,

“Abbacchio!” He heard her say, following up with large pants as she knelt before him, immediately falling to both her knees to be more on his level, the skin above both joints burning from the sudden, harsh friction.

He could smell the sweet scent of her perfume, the smell very faintly wafting into his nose as she came even closer, slipping through the personal bubble he’d kept himself in. 

During then her (e/c) colored eyes skimmed over him and every beaten bit of him that was visible, visually shaken at the sighed of his missing limb.

'she came…' he thought to himself, 'she….bothered to come…' he added, grimacing.

After he ordered her to stay…

After he'd pushed her away so many times already…

‘You always come to me…’ He said to himself, falling forward, his heavier body almost toppling her over with the sudden action.

"Hey!" She began worriedly, steadying him, slowly easing him back towards the wall to sit upright, “Come on now,” she encouraged him, her comforting smile present as her hands which were firmly placed on his shoulders immediately went to cup his cold cheeks,

“Abba,” She urged him, “ Stay with me,” She added as she gently eased his lolling head straight, trying to get a better look at his paled face with frantic (e/c) colored eyes.

“I’m right here now,” She told him, “ So you're going to be just fine,” She assured him with an unshaken determination.

He squinted, trying to get his eyes to work right, only to find himself stuck on her own shining (e/c) colored gems.

Her (dark/light) eyes looked into him, and as she did so, he felt an electric charge run up his spine at the glance, the powerful bolt that came down on him raking his entire being with unforgiving violence.

He was spiritless in the motion, yet somehow found it in himself to stray his golden orbs away, deciding to not challenge her own look with his own fading will, the man slowly growing even smaller beneath the grace of her sweetly trained stare.

“Quit staring...Quit looking...at me...like that,” He grumbled, savoring down the bitter metallic taste in his mouth, "Tch… you damn idiot," he rasped, slowly shaking his head from her sweet hold, doing so with all the mustered strength he had left.

He couldn't feel anything, and yet it burned, her touch scathed him, the unbearable ache that was present bursting through from deep within his being.

Maybe she was overreacting she reasoned, chuckling wearily, but unable to fight back tears,

“ It’s just...I...I thought I’d come here too late!” She cried out, not able to resist the urge to hold him, latching onto him with desperation, the bloody grime over his body sticking onto her clothing, causing her smell of sweetness to be masked by his pungent gore.

By then his head was pressed to her chest, placed right over her heavily beating heart as she continued to shake, holding on tightly in a desperate embrace, 

“For just a moment there…” She muttered, “ I thought I was going to lose you,” she added, little tears still pricking her eyes as she began to heal him, her (e/c) colored eyes closed as she coddled him.

'stop...stop touching me ...' he thought to himself, his lethargic body beginning to squirm as she tended him, her hold on him remaining unmoved.

'stop crying over me,' he added feeling her tears fall over him, the droplets falling onto his face even after she’d expressed her relief, despite the fact that gradually his body began to feel warm again, function slowly coming back to him.

'stop…' he pleaded, his bottom lip quivering, wanting to snap at her and make her go away altogether.

He could feel his fingers begin to move, his gaze beginning to align right with the more time he spent under her care.

“(F/n),” He rasped lowly, her head rising at the utter of her name as her face lit up the sound of his voice. And it was then that she drew back from him, her brightened eyes gazing into his glowing eyes with expectancy.

(E/c) eyes stared right at him, her face streaked with salty tears and as she saw the dimness from his golden eyes begin to fade, her face lit up with sheer joy,

“Leone,” She said softly, a smile gracing her, very faintly taking over her, "I’m so ha-," she started, cut off as his hand that was now healed, took hold of the back of her head, tightly weaving itself through (h/c) strands as he grabbed her,

"Why don't you just stay away from me?" He said lowly, teeth grit together as he shoved her down, straddling her as he glared down at her, " You shouldn't be here," he reminded her, “remember?” he asked her, having thought he’d been very clear.

“Are you an idiot?” He went on, his grip on her hair bound tight enough that it began to sting, causing her to wince, “If that asshole was around still...what would you have done?” he asked her, already knowing the answer.

He thought about it with so much rage it had him shaking,

‘ Don’t you get it? I’m doing this for you!’ He thought to himself with utter frustration. 

All the while her eyes were wide as she wordlessly looked up at him, caught beneath him as he continued to loom over her, the sight making his hold slacken for just a fraction of a second, realizing just what he was doing,

“Damn it (f/n),” He grumbled, continuing to look down at her, completely taken by the sight of her in her current state, his vexation slowly dying out.

Through teary-eyed and bloodied, she seemed beautiful lying beneath him, her (h/c) colored strands caught in his hand and tangled there to create the very same scene he’d selfishly conjured up on more than once occasion.

Mindlessly, his eyes then drew down to her lips, tempted by the sight of their inviting curve and thickness, causing his own to press together with longing.

She was filthy now, drenched in his blood, her back pressed onto the filthy ground as well, and even then, it took nothing away from her beauty and much more, the undeniable attraction he had for her.

“It’s so damn annoying when you think I need you,” He told her, trailing off as he came down closer, his lilac-colored lips almost touching her (color) ones, “...even more annoying when you're right.” He muttered, hating just how perfectly she fit beneath him.

They fit like two puzzle pieces slowly being inched together, and he’d already known it would be the case.

“Leone...I want to tell you I l-”

“I know,” He said quietly, “ I already know,” He told her, his heart racing, not wanting to hear her say it, because he knew he wouldn't know what to do with himself if he actually heard her say it.

He was currently struggling, unable to function right, and the single admittance would undoubtedly rattle him, making him do something he’d long fought,

“So quit crying. And quite following me around like a lost dog,” He told her, his voice soft, the words meant to be snide, but missed all the bite they needed.

“I...I don’t want you around me,” He struggled to say, biting his lip afterward.

‘You say so.. but you haven't drawn back,’ She noticed, ‘You’re shaking...And all the while your eyes...Your eyes are so soft,’ she mused, a sudden realization falling down upon her with the weight of a ton,

‘...You’ve been doing it purposely.’ she understood, ‘ But you’ve also been hesitant.’ 

"...Why do you do this?" She asked him, her heart heavy as she looked up at him, seeing the same hurt crossed over his features as he tried to push her away yet again.

It was a frail shove, but a sign of resistance nonetheless.

‘Whenever I feel so close to you...Whenever we’re just inches apart, you find a way to drift back away.’ She thought to herself, helpless as she was stuck in the same repeated cycle with him.

Yet again, he was so painfully close, but all the same remaining distant, blocked off as though there was a stone wall between them.

"- It's better," He said to her, though sounding unconvinced.

He shook, his breath being both inhaled and released in the same shaking manner as for just a second, his lips brushed hers, accidentally smudging the soft color of his lips onto hers,

“How?” she dared to ask. 

“ Don’t you get it? I’ve been trying to fight it... But when you go out of your way for me, I just want you more,” He admitted, swallowing down harshly. "So just quit it already," He begged, "Before I regret it...before you regret it too," he added.

"I'd never regret it," She insisted, "because I lo-"

Cutting her off, he smashed his lips to hers, his palms both pressed to her cheeks as he rocked his body to hers, wanting to completely melt over her,

“(f/n)” He said in between the heavy kiss, “What did I tell you,” He panted roughly, his lips trailing down her jaw, falling over the flesh of her neck with long, wet kisses as his hands traveled down to her waist, holding her still.

“Just stop, “ He argued, also being a hypocrite, occupied with trailing his mouth over her, not being the one to draw back instead.

“No..” She breathed, “Because I...I love you.” She said instead, feeling his body suddenly tense, his actions stopping, suspended as he held in a breath.

“I love you. I love you. I love you so much Leone,” She said to him, her hands reaching for his long strands of hair, the silky lengths weaved through her fingers before she curled them down to her palms, tugging them whilst he released the air in a small, light groan.

‘And I don’t want to ever lose you,’ She thought to herself, eyes shut tightly as she focused on the feeling of his hands roaming over her body, desperate to grip every bit of her.

As she’d seen him bloody, and barely alive, she knew she couldn’t live without telling him the truth that lay locked within her chest, much more when she began to understand his own reasoning.

“(f/n)...I...I love you too,” He finally admitted, breathing along the side of her neck with tightly shut eyes as the last bit of his resistance died, by then the only thing he held back on was the threatening tears that welled in his eyes as his body relaxed, finally finding ease.

So this was basically Abba the Tsun-Tsun （≧ｙ≦＊）

[jae-canikeepyou]

| muse | j.jh

pair: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: art student!jaehyun + art student!yn

a/n: thought this on a whim whilst reminiscing my art portfolio, so we’ll see how you’ll like this with yuno in it. not the best i’ve written but hope you enjoy reading 💞😉 ~j

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

with jaehyun, there were three things that happened uncontrollably. one was he caused your heart to skip; two, your chest to feel all giddy; and three, your stomach to capsize. why you may ask? it was his very presence in the art academy which had heads turning and lips to whisper words of awe. he was labelled and called a prodigy.

be it in any medium of art, he was blessed to have such a talent that his parents thought it’d be a waste if not enhanced or put attention to. even your professors favored him and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t jealous. despite his princely looks, he could sometimes be a total snob. he’d be in a good mood the first hour and then changed completely in the next. oh the duality, you couldn’t understand him at all.

though question marks continued to fill your head, let’s just say you had a tad advantage compared to girls who were overly thirsting for him; he was your classmate, a major in fine arts. sometimes you unconsciously found yourself sniffing his perfume each time he helped you with the shading of portrait drawings you worked upon. he was that close. as much as you loved seeing him almost every day, you hated at the fact you still didn’t know the ways to calm your loving facial expression towards him.

it was a funny sight —at least to your friends— that they could see how elongated your nose grew every time you deny your feelings for him. yet as time passed the possibility of your admiration might turn into romantic feelings instead. there wasn’t a need to prove to you since your friends have pointed it out already.

but you yourself wasn’t too sure about it.

“please,” hyejin popped with a huge round of an eyeroll at your oblivion. legs crossed as she chewed her bubblegum. “y/n, admit that you like him. it isn’t that hard to say out loud.”

other students, including your studio tutor held in their giggles in the midst of the silence within the room. true enough hyejin was the mood maker.

her words made you stop painting the colours that were meant to accentuate the highlights of the subject. “i’m not like you who’s very expressive in words.” you replied, taking few peeks at your surroundings in case anyone eavesdrop.

hyejin wasn’t supposed to be in the studio today. she was a literature student where writing poetry was her forte. but because your tutor appreciated her effort to promote the visual arts department in the school paper, her going to the studio with you became a normal thing.

“it doesn’t have to be in words. like, i don’t know? paint some canvas and pour out your feelings through colours? yellow’s joy or purple’s dazzling or red is love-” she stopped as you gave her an annoyed gaze. “i’m sure he’ll get it. he’s not called a prodigy for nothing.”

“painting is not done on a whim, hyejin.” you emphasised, not noticing the stress put upon your work. “it takes time and thinking and creativ-”

“yeah yeah,” she made her bubble burst, which by the way irritated you since it gave off the impression that she wasn’t listening to you at all. “abstract seems so random though. no thinking there.”

you pointed the brush at her, yet careful enough that it doesn’t touch her nose. if another word comes from her mouth, you wouldn’t hesitate staining it. “sis, shapes are used instead of virtual reality, so abstract still needs thinking. you just express it differently.” hearing this, hyejin paused for a while before deciding which reaction to give, and with that you were satisfied into silencing her for a while. “now you know how i feel when i don’t understand shakespeare’s ‘love looks not with eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind’.”

she let out a scoff, “pfft, you’re the cupid in that quote. you can’t even see that you like mr. prodigy so much.”

jaehyun gently opened the door and handed a paper slip to the tutor, which apparently was a doctor’s certificate. due to his arrival, hyejin elbowed you so hard that its force caused you to jolt in your seat then knocking two of the glassed jars placed on the narrow deck of your easel.

the tutor looked at your direction, and lowered his specs at the noise. flustered than you ever were in your entire life, you took the dust pan. you tried your best to not match eyes with jaehyun who was now smiling from second hand embarrassment. at farthest decibel your ears could handle, you could hear hyejin sneering with huffed laughs.

“i’m gonna kill you.” you mouthed from a table away and gave her a warning look. you gestured the phrase, followed by a scowl to refer her teasing tongue.

“i’ll help, y/n.” jaehyun offered, but you assured him it was fine. “what’re you working on?” he asked as you both walked back to the tables, he took out his tools and unfinished work.

this time was the season of cramming hours into a tight schedule, there were many initial stages/assignments due and portfolios to be completed. you guessed it was natural for you both to update each other regarding progress. “just giving more highlights and tweaks, then i’ll start on the portraits.”

he only pressed a smile, a breathy chuckle as a response while he focused on his art. “do you still need my help on shading?”

“i think i got the hang of it. thanks.” you damped the brush with water.

“alright, if you need me, i’m just here.”

your eyes shot down to your pockets, quickly answering the phone to quiet down the “supposedly” soundless vibration. and you wished you didn’t fished out the device if you knew that the message was from hyejin.

[18:45] hyejin: damn it y/n, confess already! 🤪

[18:45] you: if you could shut up maybe i will?? i could hear your voice haunting me 🙃

[18:46] hyejin: if there’s no progress today, i’m so gonna take action & tell him myself 😌

[18:47] you: ugh anything but that pls 😣

the thing with being associated with the arts was that time immediately had gone passed when you’re so concentrated. everything else faded away and in that momentum, it was just the art and you. jaehyun felt this once he picked up his brush or pencil. voices in his head whispered and guided him what to do with the creativity still yet to be shown in the world.

among all the students he bonded with, there was one whom perked his interest..

you.

as mentioned, his current surroundings blurred whilst he was sucked into another dimension of concentration. but you went there with him and appeared clear. seemed a scene out of an alternate reality in his perspective, or dramatic to some people. he was intrigued.

since knowing you, he expected to sought this mutual interest deeper. if he was the beautiful, detailed canvas everyone saw in an exhibition, you were the opposite; abstract, unpredictable and rough, someone who was overlooked because others couldn’t understand the depths and entirety of you.

finishing the last layer of the painting, you stretched to sooth the numbness. the professor reminded about the last few minutes before wrapping up the class and, he handed the room keys to you. for this tutorial, students have the choice to stay behind or leave. hyejin left with the others, leaving you alone with jaehyun. whether she did that on purpose, she’d do anything to let you be alone with him.

“oh? you’re done with yours?” jaehyun shifted sideways to take a better view of your work. he looked satisfied with the way his dimples hollowed. “hm. my advise is effective.”

“yeah, you’re a life saver.” you sighed as you looked at how completed the artwork was, then trailing your eyes to him again.

“i’m proud of you.” he winked, only to blush afterwards when his stomach growled. “i wish you didn’t hear that.”

coincidently, you tossed your wallet in the air. “good timing, i’m just about to head out to the cafeteria. want anything? my treat because you helped me.” you extolled with your mood in completely positivity. jaehyun became your inspiration and for now you weren’t able to bring yourself to tell him that.

hopefully soon though— when you have the courage.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the sleepiness in your eyes only needed ten percent more to push your lids down, the queue was unexpectedly long at this hour. it was only until minutes later had you known that another department organised a party nearby. the wait for the order would be troublesome; that’d be in the fact there were girls right behind, their gaze burning into your skin as if you were an enemy of theirs. and somehow you knew,

they might be jaehyun’s admirers.

they whispered to each other, words audible enough for your hearing and you pretended to be listening to music.

and how you wished you should’ve.

“do you know why jaehyun took fine arts?” one asked.

an intrigued response caught you walking on a tight rope. this can’t be good. “sounds like you know the reason.”

“it’s been spreading around recently..” there was a pause that had you wondering even if you knew you shouldn’t believe in any of rumours from them. “i heard the studio has this session to draw the human body and the figures. like y’know.. no clothes?”

sigh, there wasn’t even any classes for those this semester, you thought.

few giggles were heard before they spoke again. “you’re saying he’s perverted?”

“maybe? i wouldn’t be surprised if it were true.”

“isn’t that kinda hot? his eyes starting into-”

you nearly dropped jaehyun’s food and trip over an extension wire hearing that. breathing slowly and steadily, you convinced yourself that what you heard was false. he wasn’t the type of guy they assumed he was.

as much as you wanted to prove them wrong, it wasn’t your place to speak out when the friendship you have with him was not to the level of best friends. so you rushed back to the studio, not noticing your blown-away hair and burning face. what was amusing after hearing the tea, you didn’t know why you reacted in that manner. did you leave because you couldn’t stand eavesdropping any longer? or did you run due to the fact the fantasies they had were about to enter your mind?

the door was opened with a force that jaehyun looked up from his work, smiling at your quick purchase. “whoa careful there. you didn’t have to run.” he chuckled and went to your table. he took his favourite spicy cake and placed it on top heavily. the force he exerted with his hands was the total opposite to when he dealt with art. somewhere in you, you’d say it was a 0.1 percent a turn-off.

“hey, it’s food. handle with care, it’s a blessing.” you said, munching on your share of the dishes.

jaehyun clasped his palms together, bowed his head and closed his eyes. he faced you and you sat there with a confused look. “thank you y/n, you’re an angel for treating me.”

soon after, you received a message from your professor about taking out some of the tools needed for tomorrow. holding the sandwich wrap between your lips, you took a closer look at the right keys before unlocking the storage room, opening the door afterwards.

it was at least the size of two toilet cubicles, not even close to a room’s walk-in closet. the thin cabinets against both sides of the wall were two feet, and the remaining space in the middle could fit a person’s leg, stretched out. the new set of canvases were placed on the top shelf. for someone like you, it wasn’t possible to reach them on tiptoes. you grabbed a chair and stacked two tins of paint for your feet to stand upon.

if you still couldn’t reach them.. eh, bummer. disturbing jaehyun who was enjoying his meal would be rude. you weren’t that type of person to suddenly feel as if you were already close to someone. the icky and dusty feeling on your fingertips nearly had you gagging.

“jaehyun?” you called out, apparently you’ve given up in trying another attempt. “i need a hand.”

there was a long pause as to why he didn’t respond immediately. maybe you should’ve have disturbed him? but you soon rolled your eyes when a mannequin’s hand was thrown to you. his snickers was supposedly an adorable thing to hear, this kind of wasn’t, because you desperately needed help now. “jeong jaehyun!”

he hummed right after you mentioned his name the second time. “i’m just messing around. but does that mean you’ll treat me again? i helped you.” his voice sounding with excitement.

you nodded, your anger long forgotten but he could tell there was conflict in your head. “i’ll consider it, so help me before i smack you with this plastic hand.” your tone slightly straining since you didn’t feel him entering the room.

“yeah. coming.” he said, giggling at your impatience. as you tried to reach out for the canvases again, the light behind you slowly dimmed.

that was weird. “hey, it’s getting dark in here.” you said.

before he could say anything, the door slowly closed and that made you raise a brow. he noticed this too and looked into your eyes when the light within the room soon disappeared. “ah sorry, i must’ve kicked the door stopper.” even in the dark, you could tell he was flustered from his actions. “i’ll open it.”

however his groans and vigorous sounds from the door knob stated otherwise. “what?” you heard him raise his voice.

“what’s wrong?” you hopped off the tins and grabbed the knob, twisting it clockwise then anti-clockwise. “it’s jammed.”

you both panicked because the night wasn’t getting any younger. there were things to finish and deadlines were drawing closer. before, you thought of procrastinating even when necessary. but procrastinating like this wasn’t part of the plan.

how was it possible for the knob to be jammed? the door wasn’t closed in an impact that would cause its components to be broken. sure jaehyun was reckless and couldn’t control his strength but that really wasn’t the issue here.

the actual issue was that you were going be stuck with him for who knows until when. stuck in a sense there were just enough space for two people. jaehyun fumbled his pockets in search of his phone, an annoyed groan told you it was bad news. “call someone. my battery just died and my powerbank’s outside.”

quickly you fished out your phone, only to find that it had the same fate. “ugh i have 10% left.” you slumped your sides to the shelves like there was no hope. “i’ll try to text hyejin.”

“hm i hope she’s not too far from the campus.” jaehyun leaned against the shelves opposite from you, his expression definitely amused with your reaction. a scoff of disbelief escaped your dry lips, sliding the phone to the shelf as you put your hair on one side. “that doesn’t sound good. what did she say?”

for all the things hyejin could do to help you get out of there, she’d rather sit and tease every single nerve of your body. “she said ‘you both just made your own seven minutes in heaven! i’m laughing out loud right now.’”

and for the things you thought jaehyun would disagree with your friend, he didn’t. it surprised you when his held-in giggles came bursting out from his chest. “it’s exciting. don’t you think?” he chuckled. “this is something you see in movies.”

“okay. tell me, what’s exciting about being locked-”

“we can ask each other questions. or any topic you’d like to talk about. i wanna know more about you.” he suggested, shutting you up because if he didn’t, you’d be quite a complainer. jaehyun bent to a squat, later stretching his legs until the soles reached the sides of your hips. “i rarely get the chance to talk to you properly and i guess this is the day, so scoot over.” he gestured you to move aside a little.

“gee i wonder why?” your voice came out sarcastically. “i don’t ignore people unlike a certain someone.”

“just sit down, will you?” jaehyun seemed to take the fact to heart.

you complied and sat exact the same as he did. the tiled floor sent cool to your legs but it didn’t really matter. jaehyun began by asking how you got into art; what motivated you to choose this field. “it’s just a childhood dream of mine to keep expanding my creativity. i wanna teach kids the joy in paint, that we’re not limited to using tools. i started painting with my hands and fingers when i was five.”

“really? i’m the same, except i was three when i painted.” his dimples deepening.

though you did answer him, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him the whole story. you were just par in the arts, an average joe and always felt like your professors tied your wings together to express what you really wanted. every proposal you presented were rejected. if lucky, it still wasn’t good enough. not enough to reach jaehyun’s standards and world.

his shoes hit your hips again, the nudges were light and made you look to him. “your turn.” he said.

your eyes wander the dark room, the thin light from the sides of the door showing the outline of his face. “is it good? being called something you never wanted to be? did you know you’re gifted as a kid?”

“do you want my honest opinion?” he brought one leg to his chest, forearm resting on it as he start to ponder. hearing the soft shuffles from you in agreement, he gulped his dry throat to say the one thing he longed to say.

“i don’t like it.”

beyond speechless. you thought maybe he’d like the feeling of being center of attraction, or praised to have a skill that was out of this world. while you’d like to know what it felt like, it already told you enough that he wouldn’t want to be referred to as a prodigy. “not even a single bit?” alarmed, you squinted your eyes and he shook his head.

“i used to like it at first.. now i don’t,” jaehyun admitted but his face had changed the moment you asked him the one thing he never wanted to look back. “..because i was set apart from kids my age and they view me differently, nor have they ever treated me like every kid in the block.“

he continued how parents would tell him he was ‘inspiring’ or ‘i wish i had a kid like you; dedicated, and talented’. the claim have made him proud, yet this caused insecurity to most of his friends, and they distanced themselves from him. what was once the same ground they stood upon, it had quaked the earth and caused a wide gap. jaehyun hated the feeling of isolation by the will of others. though he had tried many times to reach out to them..

the gap continued to widen.

“there’s not much of a difference now.” he whispered yet audible enough for you to hear. ”i still have less friends. countable with fingers.. on one hand.”

probably the reason why he looked like a snob then.

“i see. so am i?.. part of your ‘friends’?” he heard you ask when reality hits you that you shouldn’t have said your thoughts out loud. closing your eyes for a bit, you heard the shift in his weight, he didn’t answer right away. it was as if he was still finding the words.

but he sat right beside you. “you’re already one when we both entered this classroom. i had a hunch you’ll be one i’ll treasure.”

if anyone was told the way he did just now, it would definitely make them smile. that was his honest opinion and you couldn’t help but smile at his words. he seemed to notice this too and let out a chuckle that was always music to your ears. “should we try to open the door again?” you changed the topic to avoid the awkward smile creeping your face. your hands gripped the knob and jaehyun tugged the hems of your jeans.

“y/n, if you do it further we’ll be damned if hyejin couldn’t open from the outside.” he stood that he was already behind you. “i’m not stopping you from trying though.”

“f-fine.” you leaned against the door, soothing your legs that experienced paresthesia. jaehyun pat your head like he always did whenever you unintentionally embarrass yourself, be it art or not whatsoever. “i just can’t seem to stay still.” oh gosh i don’t know what i’d do if i’m alone with him.

“yeah clearly.” he shrugged.

you had a scowled face and glad he didn’t see it. “the place’s so cramped-” you continued, walking to the chair you once stood on, only to lose balance when the shelves you held for support gave in to collapse from the weight it carried. with weight, the whole furniture wobbled to fall.

in a split second you felt yourself being lifted off the ground, a strong arm wrapping around your frame and saw yourself at the opposing side of the room. jaehyun closed into you as he managed to stop the some items from falling. the entire body of the cabinet covered and trapped you both in a tight place. the furniture tilted right behind him. one small move, the items could injure two and he didn’t want to risk that.

he could feel your breath touch his shirt and with the way you held his clothes, you definitely didn’t see this coming. “are you okay?” he thought there was a possibility of squishing you.

“uncomfortable, but i’ll manage.. somehow.” you honestly replied because there was no point in lying to him.. physically speaking, he’d know what you feel since he himself was also in discomfort. anyway, with your answer, this marked the third silence as there was another one creating yet another gap in the conversation.

okay y/n. you told yourself. you made everything awkward than before. first was you asked whether you were friends, which you already were. second was your stupid and careless behaviour that led to the position you’re both in now.

“what about you?” you asked after seeing the huge frame towering over both of your bodies, mostly onto his. so maybe that was another unnecessary question to ask.

jaehyun gulped and fixed his one of his palms that he gripped on the shelf behind you. you could see his adam’s apple move up and down, struggling to breathe. he pushed backwards to be able to see your face. tilting his head down, that movement alone made you look up. “uncomfortable, but i’ll somehow manage.” he smiled even though you knew he wasn’t.

“you know you’ll earn zero marks if you copy my answer.” you giggled, remembering the professor’s words at the beginning of the semester.

he flicked your forehead as he agreed with the obvious statement. “i heard him. anyway, it’s my turn to ask.”

“are we really playing the game now? can we at least try to figure how to get out of this position?” you began to whine and threw your head back where you hit your head, and you didn’t care how shameful you felt. you knew you wouldn’t stand any longer, your legs started to weaken because of stress— stress from everything jaehyun managed to make you feel, that included the little smiles and especially his hand around your waist.

jaehyun didn’t know why he put his palms behind your head before the incident happened but he knew he had to, with the way you flustered so much. he figured that you weren’t used to situations like these.

however a memory slipped into his mind that you were always your usual self with other guys around. he noticed how you held or hiccuped a breath whenever you both conversed. you and him weren’t particularly close to begin with, just enough to pass as friends and maybe it was his love for art that brought that gap closer to you.

right now? perhaps too close. literally.

“why not? it gets more fun.” he tried to hide the smile creeping his lips; at the sight of how irritated you were beneath him and he actually considered your plead to get you both to safety. but maybe he’d like to enjoy a little bit before doing so. “besides, there’s no way we can move properly with a lot of things blocking our surroundings.”

on both sides, the two of you were encased with large items and materials that were affected by the impact. “tsk.” you tilted your head to avoid looking at him. “at least try to push the huge cabinet?”

he did as he was told and from the grunts and exhausted voice, jaehyun gave up trying. “i don’t think i can. something’s probably caught in the gap between the wall and the furniture.” he tried to look over his shoulder to see if he was right.

“i thought prodigies don’t give up.” your voice sounded challenging to him.

“within the spectrum of our skill, we don’t. but outside our gift, we have the choice to.” jaehyun flicked your forehead again. “we get tired too.”

there was less force against your torso, he was trying to push the furniture again and you bubbled out a giggle. “wow you aren’t as cool as i thought you were.”

jaehyun wanted to hit you as you were being too playful at the wrong time. but as he brought his hand up, you closed your eyes shut to brace for the sharp impact. he sighed and his stomach growled in the most embarrassing way yet. “ugh, it’s because i haven’t eaten enough. i don’t have any strength left.” his stomach then growled louder.

maybe it was due to your bodies against each other’s and the heat starting to roam around the room. jaehyun clicked his tongue at the continuous mimicking of yours. “c’mon y/n i can’t be the only one doing the work here. help me push this heavy thing behind me.”

“uh no? do you think i could even help? don’t make me uncomfortable than i’m already am.” you moaned at the pain starting to grow along your spine. arching your back to avoid the discomfort from the shelves wasn’t really a good idea.

“ah you’re uncomfortable?” he implored with a smirk, his voice quite menacing as he leaned in to squeeze you between the cabinet behind you and himself.

for the whole time jaehyun knew that you didn’t mean whatever you said. he loved how you surprise him everyday and tonight he found you quite cheeky, and adorable too. by quite, it meant that you were like a child wanting to go home. a huff from him felt like the gust of wind. “‘i don’t have any strength left’.” you copied his words. seeing his lips pout, it was alright to give in. “will you treat me food if i help?” you returned the question because you treated him.

“you’re lucky you’re cute.” he suddenly said, with a soft chuckle, you knew he was smiling. it had gotten you speechless that it was hard to tell whether he said knowingly or not. “we can buy what the other wants after we get out of here, okay?” his attempt to get the wood off him yet again failed.

you clapped your hands quite hyperactively and squealed as if he asked you out on a date. “oh yay! okay. i wouldn’t want to be rained on for another hour anyway.” you teased, in which he exhaled heavily from his nostrils.

“i’m not that sweaty.” he grumbled, almost vibrating with the exertion of his energy.

“just perspiring.” you added.

he hit your head with his, for sure you’ll have a prominent bruise and that would make you a victim for hyejin for the next few days. or tonight, if she would get you both out. “that’s the same meaning.”

it took less than two minutes to take the weight off his back. jaehyun saw everything in slow motion— he was falling backwards and you, frontwards. “whoa!” for a moment you thought you hit yourself on a wall. that was for a brief second before the impact was replaced by a warm hug.

you checked if he was okay, he became your safe fall and again he saved you when you didn’t ask for it. “i didn’t expect.. i’m sorry.” you pressed your lips realising you were in between his legs.

he hissed at the pain and sat tiredly on the floor, using all of the fabrics of his clothes to wipe the sweat. “it’s okay.” he patted your back.

“right.. this is awkward. i better get off..” you chuckled and dusted your clothes awkwardly but what he said next really caught you off guard.

“do you want to do it?” he queried, taking you back as your head shot up and hit his chin with your forehead.

you blinked several times. “d-do what?” is this another question i won’t be able to answer?

there was a shaky grip on your waist, your heart hammered and you were afraid that he would hear it. “y’know what i’m talking about.” he put the hair strands away so he would be able to see your face under the lines of slim light.

“i don’t?” you choked on your own saliva. what was he talking about?

jaehyun’s breath made you freeze on the spot, along sudden silence. he giggled softly. “such a waste, you even have a perfect body.”

then the conversation from the two girls at the cafeteria entered your mind right when you thought deep. hold on, the rumours can’t be true..

he stood up shortly, cornering you by the door and the lights revealed his eyes, smiling shyly. “you have perfect proportions.” as of now, you were a little nervous. you couldn’t process what you were hearing from your crush’s lips and looked away where you could see hyejin’s figure closing the studio’s door.

finally hyejin’s here. i have to tell him. “uh jaehyu-”

“can you be my model?” he held your hands.

oh shoot it is true?

“i need someone to pose for my next art portrait and you’re the only one i can ask.”

‘well aren’t you quite the deep thinker~’ you could imagine hyejin’s voice telling you off at the back of your mind. you shook your head and shut your eyes for her imaginary presence to go away, making you miss seeing jaehyun’s expression turn to a small pout.

suddenly you felt like your soul left your body. what were you thinking y/n?! erase the thought! cleanse your mind from what you heard from the girls!

now you stopped being an embarrassment, you looked at him. however, before you could answer, the door swung open, causing you both to fall over and adjust to the lights above you. hyejin looked down at the two of you, her bubblegum popping with brows raised. “girl, i texted you back and said i’m opening the door. didn’t you see- oh, did i come at the wrong time?”

jaehyun quickly got on his toes, ears turning red while you covered your face in embarrassment. “this is a misunderstanding hyejin!” he stuttered and fixed his collar. you dug for your phone to check the message, but it died long before.

she blew another bubble and popped. “mhm, i can see that.” she winked at the both of you and turned to leave.

“hyejin!” you whined and clung on her legs.

“i’m leaving!” she singsonged and shook her ankles like you were a bug. “i’m giving you more alone time with your muse!”

“oh my g- you!” you chased her down. “quiet!”

she laughed cheekily and managed to exit the studio, sticking out her tongue and pointed behind you. ‘walk home with him!’ hyejin mouthed, and you couldn’t be more annoyed with her because that was indeed true. what was once a wishful thinking became reality. she knew you more than you did yourself.

as you sighed heavily, it got you hitching a breath that jaehyun might’ve heard and saw the whole thing. you turned around and he was packing his stuff, yours included. the artworks were left untouched since you both would be back here tomorrow. he gave your bag and you chose to not talk because you didn’t have the audacity to do. “so, uh. what were you saying earlier?” you hoped he would forget what he just saw.

“oh y-yeah. lemme just-” he took a deep breath and looked into your eyes. “..rephrase it- wait i’m your muse?”

of course he wouldn’t forget, it just happened. damn you, hyejin! you slouched on a nearby chair and wore your hood. “i was hoping you wouldn’t find out so soon.”

“i’m flattered. thanks.” his dimples hollowed. “i was asking if you could be my reference for my next art piece..” he trailed off recalling that you declined. “..though you shook your head quickly than i thought.”

“huh i did?” your voice affirming. “oh gosh i think i did.. i’m sorry i was hearing hyejin in my head when you said that.”

jaehyun’s eyes widened when all he heard was pure honesty from you. “so will you do it for me?”

“as long as i wear clothes while at it.” you consented with your arms crossed and began to feel heat spread your whole body at the thought of the rumour.

walking along the hallway, only the sounds of shoes grazing the carpet echoed the area. you didn’t know what else to say. he brought you to the nearest convenient store where the campus’ one was closed at the hour. the food you bought turned cold and you couldn’t afford to get sick because of it.

he pulled the chair for you to sit on. “you heard them as well.” he placed his bag down. he was aware of the rumours found around and was shocked to know you knew them too. “they’re not true.”

you propped your chin as he went back to the topic. “i know.” you agreed to his words. “they don’t describe you at all.”

jaehyun sat comfortably, a smirk appearing. “me being your muse fits the description-”

this guy.. “please don’t bring that up.” you pleaded with hands clasped.

“i’m teasing.” he chuckled. “i don’t mind if you refuse want to be my model.” he said. “but i assure i’m not like other artists who paints their naked model. i have a better plan for you.”

he was trying to convince you into his world and you were slowly getting into it. “that’s like saying you really want me to.” you took your wallet and he followed suit.

“what’s wrong with wanting to paint my new muse?” he slid his chair closer to the table; closer so he could see your reactions to his honesty.

when he said that, you never turned away so fast in your life. your chest never thumped so loudly and your eyes fluttered while he continued to press onto his question. 

an assuring smile showed on your lips and he mirrored it, already knowing your response. “nope, nothing wrong at all.” you shyly accepted his request.

jaehyun then stood to get the orders, his fingers warning you that the late dinner would be on him. your heart experienced blossoms and giddiness you hoped it’d stay forever. who knows? maybe being each other’s muse could turn into something more after tonight.  

[vminity21]

Forgive Me | ksj

Pairing: Actor!Seokjin X CoHost!Reader, actor!au 

Genre: angst/fluff

Warning(s): smut, shower sex, oral (f receive), quite handsy, nipple play, mention of infidelity, angst, strong use of language, mention of alcohol, Rated: R

Word Count: 12.9k

Summary: One mistake can change someone’s life in the blink of an eye which is what you will discover after sleeping with the enticing and handsome Kim Seokjin. When an unwanted scandal breaks loose, it can ruin both of your careers as you know it. As Seokjin fights for your forgiveness, you not only learn to forgive him, but you learn to forgive yourself.

- Book One of the BTS Actor Series -

The frigid wind of winter nips your nose the moment you step foot outside. Bundled in many layers of clothing, your black, trench coat being most prominent, you shove your mitten hands in the front pockets, eyes scanning the clear path ahead. Leafless trees decorate the sides of the road sparsely while the grayish hue of the sky sprinkles few snowflakes onto the earth. You’ve never minded the cold weather though some find you insane for it; yet, you quicken your pace, urging for the destination you have in mind: the park. It’s not like you have anything else to do with your life other than writing an article about a film, or a critique on the food you’ve tried, or anything involving your opinion, which you’ve learned to embrace despite the backlash that may come with it.

Your dream, however, is to be in the spotlight, but not in the way others may think. Cameras angling in your direction as you stand alongside the main host- you can see yourself comedically mingling with every celebrity that guest stars the same as the skits you’d help direct or even feature in. Late night hosting has been something you’ve tried dabbling in, though callbacks for any auditions haven’t been received just yet. A warm sigh brushes past your lips at the anxiety you try to suppress. You can’t give up that easily, and you won’t. For now, under a pen name, you’ll remain writing critiques until a definite answer is established.

The slow roll of a car distracts you momentarily bringing a sense of comfort mixed in with prodding footsteps against the sidewalk. You moved to the city to achieve great things which lead you to find the magazine company you currently work for, and even now, with scattered thoughts, you can’t shake the lonely feeling within your chest. Your friends, of whom you left behind, not because you wanted to, but because of this job, you rarely get to visit. The same goes for your parents, which you’ve held a burden of guilt for because you also have not seen them since they helped you move to your vacant apartment.

Continuing down the line of vision, the grass has dimmed greatly since fall. The welcoming sign of the park passes your peripherals, the crunch of gravel beneath your shoes being the only sound you hear other than the gentle breeze. There’s an opening ahead, one that you’ve grown familiar with, where the trees break enough to reveal a glistening lake- one that ripples beneath the cloudy sky- serenading serenity to your soul once you edge closer to it.

Finding a tree, you nestle your shoulder against it whilst folding your arms across your chest, inhaling the crude scent of mud covering the rocks circling the brim of the water. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve traveled here, but with the exhaustion of being cooped up in your apartment, you longed for a different view. Time passes, but how much, you are uncertain; merely being lost in nature is all you’re enchanted by.

“Gorgeous isn’t it?”

A deep voice catches you off guard prompting you to whip your head around to the intruder who plagued your thumping heart. A quiet gasp escapes your mouth with the unexpected unraveling of the most handsome stranger you’ve ever come across. Rendered speechless, your eyes scape the dark jeans covering slim legs that lead to a gray hoodie hanging loosely off broad shoulders to now resting upon the pointed jaw that shines with full, pink lips parted in a side smile. His brown eyes never move their hold upon the soothing lake, and yet, you can’t seem to take your eyes off the way his jet, black hair parts upon his forehead. Attraction seeps within your bones and when he peers down at you- abruptly you avert your stare whilst the burning sensation of a blush dawns your cheeks and chest.

“It is,” you muse, noticing the crisp smell of cologne wafting in your direction, “How often do you come here?” The question rolls off your tongue, yet the curiosity is evident in your tone, especially since you haven’t seen him frequent this area the times that you have.

“Just this past week,” he slides his hands within his pockets, “I just moved here not too long ago,”

“What do you do?” To get a better visual of the fellow, you turn enough to where your back rests against the tree versus your shoulder, him rolling back on his heels while a quick draw of breath is seen within the air.

“I’m an actor,” he wets his lips, “Or, at least trying to be. I have an audition tomorrow morning, actually,” he nods, “But, I do a bit of cooking on the side, too,”

Impressed by his answer, it’s been a while since you’ve done this particular, but you attempt at a subtle flirt, “Well, that’s very dashing I must admit,”

Handsome Fellow chuckles, bowing his head enough to where you notice the reddened tips of his ears, “I’m Kim Seokjin by the way. Some call me Jin,” he offers a large hand, “And, what is your name and what do you do?”

Accepting his handshake, you reply, “I’m [Y/N], a columnist for a magazine company living my best life here in the city,” it takes you a few seconds to realize that you’re still shaking his hand prompting you to awkwardly return your hand into your coat pocket- the red tinge of your cheeks still present.

“Well [Y/N], a columnist for a magazine company living your best life, I am very honored to meet you,” Seokjin slightly bows- something in his eyes mesmerizing you to the point that you refrain from staring into them. Clearing his throat, he looks down at you timidly, “So um,” he begins, “Would you like to take a walk?”

Before you can blink, you’re up against the wall, your legs wrapped around him, one arm on his bare shoulders while the other tangles within his hair.

It hadn’t taken any words.

Especially with the way his brown eyes swept your figure from top to bottom, your teeth grazing your bottom lip nearly flattered by his eloquent smirk. Both of you knew exactly what the other was thinking, your core tightening with the desire to know what it’s like to be with him. Only meeting several hours ago, he’s become impossible to resist- drawing you in almost instantly even with the tempting whiff of his cologne, his aura igniting a lust you haven’t experienced in a long, deprived while.

In one swift motion, his hands rapidly gripped your waist, pinning you against the black railing of his front porch, seizing your lips with his, your hand flying to the back of his head just to clutch soft, frilly tufts of dark hair. The tug brought a low moan to his mouth causing him to press his hips into yours, the feel of his erection nearly bringing you to your knees. Sounds of cars passing by knocked some sense into you, breaking the kiss just for Seokjin to fumble with his keys until he was able to unlock the front door with hardly a straight mind.

Slamming the door shut, Seokjin covered your cheeks with his warm, calloused palms, kissing you once again, the fast pace of his lips making you want to sex him on the spot with the strong fire burning within your heat, but there’s more to him you want to know. More of him you want to see. You helped him shed his sweatshirt, it hit the floor while he nearly ripped your coat off your shoulders, tossing it randomly to the side before he started unbuttoning your blouse- his lips pecking yours ever so softly whilst concentrating on the task at hand- getting you naked, and getting you naked on top of him. It didn’t take long until both your bodies were completely bare- kisses so addicting it’s been painstakingly hard to refrain. That’s when Jin hoisted you in the air, his arms bulging while his hands gripped your thighs- pinioning your back against the cool wall, your legs wrapped around him, one arm on his bare shoulders, the other hand in his hair.

Your soaked entrance rests against his abdomen, clenching along his skin, he groans upon your lips from the continuous actions of your heat relentlessly throbbing- begging for more. “Mmm.” You moan- lips remaining locked while his warmth embraces you. He presses his body tighter to you brushing the tip of his tongue with yours as you grip at his back, your breathing increasing with every movement of his lips. Seokjin twirls around and carries you to his bedroom crashing you on his bed, the covers indent beneath you, instinctively your hands’ grip at the fabric, the material soft between your fingers. The two of you gaze in each other’s eyes, but only for a moment, before he starts kissing you again. His hands slither up your ribcage to palm at your breasts, the ticklish feel of your nipples really drives you insane, him sucking at the smooth skin to leave trails of bruised marks for you to be reminded of when his presence isn’t around. Both of you on your knees at this point, he runs his tongue along your nipples, and without realizing, both your hands are now squeezing his shoulders, the fervor below you feels intense as he continues licking your chest. Moving your arms around his neck, you crave more of his kiss; the paradise of his skin on yours sends a violent shake to your legs, enfolding your thighs to suppress the aching, but only momentarily.

The wild inside you starts coming alive, bringing one hand to stroke his erection, his expression revealing utter ecstasy at how good you feel satisfying him; you sigh seductively into his ear, “I’ve got an idea.” If the two of you aren’t already moving fast enough, the squeaky sound of the shower starting fills you with anticipation. Both of you don’t even wait until the water is warm, Seokjin shuts the glass door then crashes his lips to yours, pinning you against the chilly shower wall- his hand wraps around your wrist, tongues flouncing, the water sweltering as it pours all over your frames. You gaze at the scene in front of you. You thought he was hot before, but with steamy water dripping down his face and through his hair, the attraction has grown immensely. Your craving for him is so strong to the point your body can’t take it.

“I think this is the best idea anyone has ever had.” He breathes, his smile meeting your ear.

“Mmm.” You moan, planting kisses along his neck and jaw then coming back to his mouth- nipping his bottom lip for a tease. “And, don’t worry, by the way, I’m on the pill,”

Desire sparks within his eyes once your hands move to slide along his chest, he follows your lead, slipping onto the ground cautiously, spreading your legs- the water heating your slit sending waves of goosebumps to invade your skin. “Ohhh, Jinnn,” you breathe, the tips of his fingers finding your clit, hastily vibrating to stimulate the bliss within your vaginal walls- you don’t expect him to, but when he lifts your legs- water showering his back, completely drenching his hair, that’s when you feel it. The slippery touch of his tongue sliding plentifully against your core not allowing you one moment to get a hold of yourself. The sensation is one you have yet to experience- intense heat of droplets panging your folds while Seokjin pleasures you with his skilled tongue, your clit pulses- relishing in the feel of his hands gripping your thighs whilst he keeps them raised- flicking his tongue into your walls, moving his fingertips to rub your clit simultaneously. Your climax is coming to its peak, your moans echoing within the shower, growing higher the moment his fingertips graze your nipples tenderly, your limbs violently shaking in response before tensing,

“Oh, shit, I’m about to come- Jin, oh fuck, Ji-” his fingers are relentless as he bites hard on his bottom lip still rubbing profusely upon your sensitive clit- his eyes darkening with the satisfaction of watching you come undone. You raise to stop him when you finally recover, panting through the downpour when you meet his questioning eyes. Smirking deviously, you turn to let his eyes enlarge at the sight of your taunting ass. Teasing him with your clenching core, Seokjin rises to rest his area behind you, bringing the tip of his penis to your entrance, his other hand gliding upon your back, while he releases an anticipated hiss; your palms placed in front of you firmly, the shower drowning out your staggered breaths once he slowly moves into you. “Ahhh,” you sigh in relief at the feel of him finally pushing- starting off slowly, in and out, his hand still spreading along the base of your back while he gradually thrusts, him nearly cumming at the undeniable warmth your heat gives off- your sodden walls coating his erection with each shove.

As the night drives on, you end up back in his bed- him thrusting roughly inside you- the feeling building and building to the point your body tenses. As you finish, so does he. “Mm baby.” You gasp. The pleasure causing both of you to crash side by side. Exhaustion hitting you after a few minutes, to your surprise, you feel his warm hand intertwine his fingers with yours causing you to look over to see him staring at you as if you’re the only girl in the world.

“What?” You manage to say, your breathing beginning to calm. His eyes still fixated on you, Seokjin gives a side grin, and as you wait for him to speak, he doesn’t. Instead, he rests his palm on your cheek, reaches over and gives you the sweetest kiss you have ever felt. It only lasts for a few seconds, but long enough to where you can feel everything. Heart melting, you touch the tip of your nose to his and turn around as he wraps his arms around you. Finally, for the first time since moving to the city, you’re thankful that you’re not sleeping alone tonight.

The morning comes faster than you wanted- your eyes struggling to flutter open while you stretch your drained limbs. Sunrays bright between the blinds of the window- dancing shadows are cast along the bed sheets while a long yawn escapes your mouth. It takes a prolonged minute for you to realize you’re not in your own bed, yet a grin tugs at the corner of your lips when you’re acceptant that nothing from last night was a dream. Back still pressed into the mattress, your eyebrows furrow when you notice your empty peripherals- Seokjin’s warmth is absent until you remember him mentioning yesterday that he has an audition this morning, so perhaps he’s practicing in another room? Maybe he’s already left? Which also pangs the question: he trusts a stranger he just met yesterday to be in his house alone?

Before deciding on if you desire to remove yourself from his bed to look for him or not, you roll to lay on your side, eyes still in the process of clearing due to just waking up. A side table welcomes your sight, and with the squinting of your eyes, you notice a round, dark object sitting upon it. Blinking a few times, you focus in on the item, choosing to reach out to grasp it between your fingertips. Once you inch it closer to your face, the blood boiling within your system runs dead cold- fingertips numbing while the horror takes over your mind before you can accurately decipher what you’ve just discovered. You’re not even given the chance to make sense of it for the click of the bedroom door opening sends your hands jolting to grasp the bed covers to your chest while panic etches upon your expression- eyes widening at the woman who now stands before you.

Her gape resumed on the ground before looking up to the sight of you- gradual anger pooling within her eyes while the sound of her purse hitting the ground from her stiffened wrist, which exposes a shiny, diamond ring, being the only thing noticeable over the fog overwhelming you and your heaving chest.

“Who. The hell. Are you,” her blood red lips sneer with gritted teeth,

“I-I,” you’re barely audible, her cold stare never leaving your shattered state. You’re butt ass naked in what you assume is this woman’s bed and she’s not the one you hooked up with last night.

“Get out,” she growls, “Get out! Get out! GET THE FUCK OUT!”

Leaping from the bed, comforter twirled around your body, the object makes a ‘ding’ sound once it dins the floor. Your heart is racing above nausea swallowing your stomach; the woman continuing to scream while you frantically gather your clothes- throwing them on as fast as you possibly can. Your shoes being the final item, you leave the bed comforter somewhere on the floor, slamming the front door behind you once everything you had with you last night is officially covering your body.

You run. You just run.

Running from the utter humiliation that you know will haunt you for the rest of your life. You don’t even know where your apartment is. You don’t even know where you’re going really. All you know is you want to be as far away from that house as you possibly can. Tears fly down your cheeks as you choke back a sob- the chilly wind drying the trails upon your pale skin.

Wherever he is, you don’t care. You don’t ever want to see him again.

Nor do you want to relive discovering his wedding ring the morning, after you thought, had been one of the most beautiful nights you’ve had in such a long time.

Two years later….

It’s unexplainable. Flashing lights colliding with your vision from the limo while security protects you until you sprint safely into the building of your job. Heels click beneath you while you saunter to your dressing room, removing the sunglasses that cover close to the entirety of your face. Perfume drowns most of your skin, and small hands fluff at your curls before retrieving makeup brushes to resume the finishing touches in preparation for the evening. Thumbing at the corner of your script, you down the last bit of the water that you packed with you, smoothing your lips together from the gloss now decorating them.

Looking in the mirror is strange, from the woman you once were to the woman you are now, you never dreamed that your goals would finally come to life. Face ornamented into one of beauty with designer clothes you would have never been able to afford until given this opportunity. Even now, it seems like your life flashed before your eyes, and here you are, the co-host of Late Night in Seoul. The familiarity of the producer’s voice echoes outside of the room prompting you to rise to your feet. The walk to the stage isn’t a long one- cheers of the audience welcome you once your hand waves in return- the main host bowing politely while you take your spot behind one of the podiums off to the side. Recalling your script, you repeat the jokes written causing the audience to laugh along- the Host eventually introducing the celebrity guest who you smile toward with eager applause.

Fame is a funny word, one you haven’t quite grasped. You’re not as famous as one could potentially be, but you are, in fact, known. Being recognized in public is a rarity, yet there are days where you are swamped with questions of where one has seen you before but can’t quite place how. Celebrities who have featured in the show know you, some personally, so at times you do get to frequent parties where the most popular names are invited; and, you’ve gotten to travel to places that accomplished checks off your bucket list.

Getting through the evening in one peace, you find yourself within the back of a dark SUV where your favorite driver Stan politely asks how your night went, as he always does, before pulling into the driveway of your home. Stare lingering on your surroundings, when the coast is clear, you thank Stan for the ride and exit the vehicle cautiously. Walking into your house, you kick off your heels almost immediately, before running your fingertips upon your thudding forehead. In an attempt to ignore the mild pain, you scamper toward the kitchen where a pile of mail sits in await of your arrival. Your mother must have checked the mail this morning for you which is something she does especially on days where you haven’t had the chance to do so; she even tidies up the house, her being retired as well as being moved closer, for something to do which you are utterly grateful for.

Compiling the mail within your palms, you move your fingers to flip through everything when a magazine cover catches you off guard to the point you toss the magazine in frustration. For once in your life, you would appreciate the haunting of his face to not appear on every printed paper known to man. Squeezing your eyes shut from the turning memory you force yourself on a daily to avoid, you bite the corner of your lip roughly, hands gripping at the counter behind you. You’ve never professed to a soul about the happenstance two years ago, and it is a secret you plan on taking with you to your grave. Guilt has never dissipated after all this time, and it seemed as though once your career blossomed into success, so had his, which stirs emotions that have been pent up to the point that you wish you had a distraction, but one never appears, which tends to happen particularly on the nights you are alone. Glimpsing over at the spot where the magazine lays sprawled among the counter, with tongue in cheek, you shake your head, picking up the magazine to then tossing it into the trashcan.

Ridding of your outfit, you progressively change into your pajamas, scurrying to your couch to curl within the corner, pulling a thin blanket over your chilled frame. Leaning further into the cushion, you let the material soothe your aching head. You haven’t dated much since. Times that you’ve tried resulted in just as much disappointment as you’ve already endured multiple times prior. Maybe it’s the broken trust you struggle with when in the presence of a stranger. A lesson you wish you would have learned sooner but didn’t. Maybe it’s the way his eyes worshipped your body the second he got you alone that just dripped the temptation of desiring the taste of him-

“Fuck,” you wince, punching the couch once in order to halt whatever memory trying to plague your overwhelmed conscious. He’s divorced now. Or, has been for some time, but he wasn’t quite famous at the time the divorce took place. Being one of the top male actors in your country, word gets around- history people dig up just to update a fucking Wikipedia page, you grimace. Co-workers consistently beg the main host to feature him on Late Night in Seoul, and your heart races with the plan of calling out if need be to prevent from spilling the dirty little secret you have with the actor no one knows you’re affiliated with. You are the one person who is the cause to the end of his marriage. And, that’s a risk you’re not willing to take.

Restless, you rise from the couch, the blanket slipping off your legs while you finish ciphering through the mail that you missed. One letter gripping your attention, you rip it open, eyes widening as an “Oh wow,” of awe leaves your lips. You’re invited to an after party for a movie that recently premiered. Kim Taehyung, the lead role of the film, happens to be the star of the gathering- a typed address catching your gaze at the corner of the paper. Maybe this is, indeed, the distraction you’ve been longing for since your return home. Besides, if you remember Kim Taehyung, he’s won multiple awards for his acting career, though you haven’t had the pleasure of meeting him- and, if your judgment is possibly correct, then this party should be one of the centuries. Texting your co-workers in hopes of them joining, you whirl to face your fridge where you magnet the invitation- gleefully skipping to your room to lounge through your closet filled with evening dresses in anticipation of finding the one to match what you hope will be a gleaming night.

The pounding bass of the music vibrates throughout the premises once your stilettos greet the sidewalk. Groups of people stand among the front yard, drinks in hand, yet none of them seem to wear the faces of your work friends. Slow steps direct you into the white building that erupts the assumption that it can hold over a thousand people, and sure enough, that’s what you discover. Hordes of bodies grind upon the dance floor while the stench of the alcohol burns your nose mingled with the intense smell of marijuana. Lip-locked couples appear in every corner you escape to just to awkwardly shove through until you find a table adorned with finger foods and a blue punch you reluctantly decide to try. Munching on a cracker, you sip from your drink, letting the strong taste of liquor pool onto your tongue before swallowing with a grimace.

You have yet to recognize a single individual before you, not even the sight of Kim Taehyung, the host himself, has yet to make his appearance from what you’re aware of. Eventually, tired of standing alone next to the cheese cubes you’re tempted to eat, you make your way toward the entrance in need of a breath of fresh air. It’s then, while you brush past the bustles of people swaying along the dance floor, your eyes pause upon a familiar silhouette- one that momentarily gaps you enough to squint your eyes. When gazes meet, his expression changes into one of sheer shock which mirrors the way your eyes enlarge when it dawns on you just who you’re staring at- heart-pounding viciously when your breathing increases. It’s as if you’re frozen in time- nausea rearing within your gut which awakens you enough to turn on a heel- throwing away your punch on the way out.

The cool breeze hits you the moment you rush out the front doors, ignoring the curious looks of the strangers you brisk past- the awful feeling of being followed is the last thing you want to feel, your pace speeding up when, in the distance, you notice a clearing far enough to where the party wouldn’t be evident. In desperate determination, you precariously saunter in the direction, not even sure how to run with the pressure of not destroying the stilettos or damaging your ankle if one wrong step is made. It doesn’t take much before you register the pounding steps behind you, a frantic voice calling your name, the feeling of your phone vibrating within your clutch which causes you to squeeze your eyes shut with tears of frustration brimming- your steps slowing into a halt. You don’t want to see him. You don’t want to talk to him. You just don’t want to be here anymore.

“[Y/N]! [Y/N]! Wait, please!”

The bottom of shoes scuffles against the cement a few feet behind you while you shudder in fear. Eyes still closed, your shoulders tense from the proximity of the one person who you’ve mastered avoiding for two whole years- and, yet, you can’t face him. Not like this. Not now. Not ever. He’s out of breath from what your ears are picking up on, and he respectfully maintains his distance from you, your grip on your clutch tightening until your fingertips are a shade of white. “[Y/N]-”

“What the fuck are you doing here,” you sneer while the corner of your jaw clenches. Considering how famous he is, you vaguely remember the movie that jumpstarted his success, and you are semi-familiar with the co-stars who followed in the same direction. So, maybe it’s not necessarily a coincidence that he happens to be at this specific party? And, here you are, wanting to kick yourself for not even considering the possibility. You figure he must be confused with the way he stutters to reply, making mention he’s celebrating a movie he’s in, which sends your eyebrows furrowing with jumbled questions now plaguing your mind. The movie he’s in? “Okay? So then, what the fuck do you want,”

“I was- I was hoping we could- we could talk,”

Robotically, you gradually turn to face him battling the urge to cry from the anger rising beneath your chest, “Talk?” You ask incredulously, your body trembling from the anxiety attacking your system. You’re not wanting to see his handsome face, who’s eyes plead for your glance, conscious’ sharing the same memory that equally has haunted the pair of you unremittingly. Nothing about him has changed, you’ve gathered even from two years ago, and neither has the constant image of her face. The humiliation you experienced that day resurfaces, especially when the picture of her eyes discovering you underneath her covers while tepid anger darkened her irises along with the screaming for you to leave- suffocates you just as much as the dismay you felt finding his wedding ring that had been right beside you all night without your knowledge. “What happened to talking two years ago, huh? You had plenty of opportunity. You could have fucking told me you were married. Who the hell do you think you are?”

Seokjin winces from the cutting edge of your words, bowing his head ashamed before speaking, “I-I know, but if I would have told you-”

“You wouldn’t have gotten fucked,”

Panic widens his brown eyes while your heartbeat hammers to the point you can feel it in your temples, “No- No, I- That’s not what I’m saying. [Y/N], it wasn’t like that,”

“Wasn’t like that? Then what the hell was it, Jin? There’s no excuse. You had a wife!”

“I know,” the shame is too apparent to go unnoticed and with the rough scape of his palms colliding with his face, he gathers his bearings, raising his arms as if to calm you, yet you take a step back, refusing to let him inch any closer, “Just- just please hear me out.” Your shoulders remain tense, yet you’re frozen in place while he stammers, “Look, I- I know there’s no excuse for what happened. I don’t even know what else to say other than I’m sorry,” even the memory leading up to that rendezvous of the night seems to make an appearance causing your heart to turn with sadness you wish would dissipate into another universe, “I tried reaching out, but I never got a reply and I knew why, and I understood why, and I would do anything to take it all back if I could.”

Folding your arms tightly across your chest, you stare at the pavement below with lips pressed firmly together. It’s hard to ignore the chemistry that began the adventure to the coffee shop that day- jokes exuberating laughter that had warmth following even through the cold wind as well as the passion of his dream of acting being told to you while you shared your hopes and dreams with him. Two strangers. Just two strangers who felt as though the stars aligned for the both of you, yet your heart didn’t expect reality to come knocking, reminding you that everything is not always what it seems. And, that’s where the betrayal sets in- tears forming, the clench of your jaw is firming from having to fight the urge to cry.

“I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I’m so sorry that I never told you. And, I am so sorry for what I did,”

It’s all coming back to you at once, and here you are still speechless. You can’t even look at him nor retain your emotions. How can someone who seemed so wonderful do what he did and think a simple ‘sorry’ would make everything better? In the end, he got what he wanted, while your side resulted with the scarlet letter of humiliation- her face will forever be embedded in your mind, and you wish you had the bravery to reach out to her, wherever she is. If anyone needs forgiveness, it’s you. Not him. Though in your heart you feel as though you will never deserve it, but ultimately, you will do anything to tell her that you’re sorry. Silence gripped the conversation a little longer than you realized, and with the profuse buzzing of your cellphone, your thoughts disperse the moment you hear Seokjin softly say your name, “[Y/N]?”

Tears rest upon your cheeks now which you immediately swipe away, sniffling before your pained expression meets his. There’s nothing in this world you want more than peace. Peace from this endless torture of a secret you have buried so deep within your soul- you blame yourself. You blame yourself for being so blind- and, standing here, before the man who destroyed your hope in what could have been- you step forward, “It’s her you should be apologizing to. Not me,”

“[Y/N]-”

Brushing past him, your heels stomp furiously beneath you, and your fingers fumble upon the screen in the goal of calling Stan. Whispered curse words slip from your mouth once the call ends, Stan only being fifteen minutes away from your location. Text messages decorate the majority of your notifications, and upon opening the group chat, embarrassment continues to flood your countenance while your eyes scan each message.

Taylor [7:21pm]: Hey, where are you??

Emmi [7:32pm]: Girl, we boutta meet Taehyung!!!! Get your ass out here!

M [7:46pm]: We’ll get you a drink just let us know where you are

Cody [7:48pm]: Are you already drunk? I scoped the restrooms and I don’t hear any puking

You can’t bring yourself to reply, so, therefore, you don’t- immediately shoving into the SUV the second Stan parks. You’re not surprised when Emmi tries to call, so with snuffling just enough to rid of the evidence of crying, you briefly answer, avoiding the concern glances Stan gives from the rearview mirror. It’s hard to hear your friend’s voice over the phone especially with how loud the music drowns the phone line, yet you assure her you’re fine- your excuse being that you’ve gained quite the migraine and that sleeping it off will be the cure.

And once Stan drops you off, that’s exactly what you do. Removing your makeup as well as your heels, the relief your feet feel once they meet your carpet as well as your figure from the tight dress you chose to wear this evening, you switch your ringer off and charge it on the desk away from your bed, refusing to even look at it. Numb limbs sliding under the covers, you let your pillowcase be the source of soaking your tears, wondering if life could get any worse than this.

Weakness dribbles its way along your body while you feebly stretch, greeting the morning with the same yawn, and the same aura of wanting to return to sleep, especially when the reminder of the night before seems to return in full force once again. This time, not wanting to ponder any further, thrusting the covers off your perspired frame to waltzing into the restroom, you brush your teeth before throwing on a simple outfit for the day- deciding to sit in front of your laptop before checking your phone.

It’s the strange feeling you have when your furrowed eyebrows stare at the device, screen blank as though it’s imitating your expression. It’s not long before you decide to check your messages, questions spinning the moment you see your screen light up with even more notifications than when you left the party.

Taylor [9:58am]: Okay, you have some explaining to do. How could you NOT tell us about this? Boss is gonna freak!

Cody [10:05am]: You know this is going to get brought up at work right. Boss isn’t going to let this go

Typing a message- You [10:06am]: Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to ditch you last night. I promise everything is fine. What do you mean boss is going to freak? Did I forget to send him the next idea for the skit with Son Ye-jin? Send.

Emmi [10:06am]: I should have known the paps were going to crash Taehyung’s party. What the fuck were you thinking [Y/N]????

“What… the hell?” Confusion borders every ounce of your being because you’re uncertain as to why your co-workers are involving the conversation about your boss. Only a second passing after you sent your message, the phone screen lights up with a call from Taylor.

“Hello?” You answer immediately, your tone in an obvious fright.

“[Y/N]?” Taylor’s sound reflects the same panic. Maybe it’s because she’s not completely sure if you’re okay? So, yet again, you proceed to reassure her,

“Hey… Sorry about last night, something came up-”

“Yeah, the migraine? I’m aware, but whatever you do, do not Google yourself,”

“What?” Sitting at the edge of your chair, your words are barely audible, dying off your tongue while your heart skips a beat. “Taylor, what do you mean? Why the hell would I Google myself-”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on exactly, but pictures of you got leaked from the party last night,”

Pictures? Why would pictures of you be leaked to the press from Taehyung’s party? The only thing that happened that is remotely possible, revealing itself in your muddled brain, is the encounter with Seokji-

“Holy shit,” fear consumes you while your breathing increases, “No. No, no, no, no,” this can’t be happening.

“[Y/N]? [Y/N], are you there?”

“I have to go,”

Ending the call abruptly, your phone falls from your shaking hands while your widened gape remains upon the laptop in front of you. You’re clueless to how long you remain frozen, engaging with the burning question- the one that you keep asking on repeat. Clicking your laptop on, it loads until your login pops up- one by one you tap the keys until your password successfully unlocks to your desktop. Swallowing the lump in your throat- quivering fingertips eventually expose yourself upon the screen- the blurry pictures showing two frames- one being Seokjin, the other you- in a clear argument- even capturing the moment where he buried his face in his hands- and yet, you’re appalled by how close the paparazzi must have been, considering how you can’t believe you had been too upset to notice your surroundings.

Zoning to more pictures, there’s Taehyung- huge smile plastered beside other famous faces- showing the sweaty bodies dancing on the floor- others nearly showing the location just from the angle they took of the house itself. The pain in your gut nearly floors you when you scroll a few inches to discover numerous articles- the main topic printing your name in bold letters.

Kim Seokjin from the recent movie, It’s Definitely You, had an affair on now ex-wife-

A small video off to the side reveals a news broadcaster, her voice echoing while your ears tune in to the horrid sound, “[Y/L/N] [Y/F/N], Co-Host of Late Night in Seoul and Kim Seokjin from It’s Definitely You seem to have a feud regarding the affair on his now ex-wife-”

Kim Seokjin furious at the relentless [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N] for ‘tempting’ him into an affair

Gaze flashing through the titles, while muting the video, queasiness waves along your stomach to the point you can hardly process. Especially, when another article causes you to heave, making your heart drop to your knees,

[Y/L/N] [Y/F/N] had an abortion after her affair with Kim Seokjin

From that moment forward, your life changed into a world of running- in fear, in desperation, in a fight for solidity- you have remained running. Months pass after your boss threatened your job, confessing to your appearance on the show having to do with the decreasing views, not to mention the close call of someone following you home- Stan noticing right away before turning onto your street. Your parents have been worried sick, checking in on you as often as they can without you swinging by- not wanting any soul to find where your parents reside.

Groceries are now delivered to your home versus you taking the trip out in public- news of the affair hardly simmering down according to the magazines plastering your face upon all of them. Social media has been put on hold- refusing to scour the comments that have forever scarred your heart- something you’re uncertain you will ever heal from. ‘If you’re gonna have an affair on someone, at least make sure they’re pretty first;’ ‘Wow. An affair and an abortion? That cunt deserves to rot.’ The worst part of it all, even with the relentless questioning from who you thought were your peers, is the crazy accusation of abortion when you were never pregnant, to begin with. Standing up for yourself isn’t an option to you, because the partial truth is indeed, you were a part of an affair. One you had not an idea you were about to take part in. For all you knew, it was the innocent banter alongside Kim Seokjin that lead to a steamy endeavor- an endeavor that will forever deem you a whore. You didn’t know he was married at the time, and if you would have known, nothing would have happened.

For once, you’d like to have a moment of freedom, one where the wind sweeps you off your feet with the sun beaming down on your smiling face while your arms outspread before you in the joy of nature. If only that dream could be a reality you would finally be okay. Keen fingers fidget for your large pair of sunglasses while you gloomily gaze at the mirror- slipping them on before tying a floral cloth upon your head- disguising your hair you have now cut shorter in hopes of altering your appearance. There’s not a destination that you have in mind, but the need to breathe fresh air is all you can think about- soon prodding along the streets while your eyes scan every corner through your tinted shades.

The bus enters your view, deciding that maybe a trip to a random city is much needed. Preparing your money behind the passengers boarding, you pay the driver- scooting to an empty seat where you cuddle into the corner. Head kept low, you face away from the window since the paranoia of someone spotting you is still an avoidance you’d like to sustain. Lately, you’ve felt hunted, as if all of this is nothing but a game to the world. And, though you refuse to admit it, you’re still maddened by the attempts Seokjin has made to reach out to you, yet you ignore every email, stubbornly accepting the fate that you’re in this alone.

Alone.

That’s all you’ve ever been.

Bodies continue to float down the isles while you carefully observe each one, wishing you could be in their position- free and hidden from the public eye- never having to worry about their deepest secrets being uncovered- posted for all the world to devour. Lost in your little world, your scattered wishes disappear especially when your stare lands upon a woman – whose disguised behind a black mouth mask while a black cloth covers the majority of her hair, but it’s the way she carries herself that sparks your interest. The familiarity of her purse dangling from her wrist to the way her jaw curves- that’s when the thudding of your heart echoes through your ear canals causing a silent gasp to brush past your parted lips.

It’s her.

Flashbacks of two years ago smear your conscious- the shrilling pain that was engraved within her screams and the daunting way her eyes stared you down before you could grasp what exactly was going on. And, here she is, rows before you, taking her seat, completely oblivious to your presence slouching more into your seat. All this time you were too busy to think of how severe your privacy has been invaded that you never once thought of how all of this has affected her. Nipping at your fingernails, your anxious heartbeat has yet to calm- your mind fogged with nothing but the swirling wonders of how she has been, what she’s been up to, and of course, the main concern, what if she discovers you?

It doesn’t take but twenty minutes before the bus comes to a standstill, her carefully rising before making her way to exit onto the sidewalk. You hardly register your own moving footsteps- a few people behind her, yet your frantic eyes never leave her figure as she waltzes further up the street. Heavy breaths plague your lungs while anxiety smothers your being in a relentless frenzy, but whatever direction she’s headed, you’re determined to follow suit. The click of her heels fades with every corner she rounds while your converse quietly scrapes a few feet behind, trying to inconspicuously mold into the few pedestrians which you proudly stay in luck. If one were to ask why you’re doing this, you wouldn’t have an answer, because inwardly, you’re in the mindset of accepting that maybe you are unstable. But, maybe there’s just the revelation that you urgently want to know that she’s okay because if you’re too afraid to face her, maybe just knowing where she’s headed will give you a sense of peace?

Continuing your distance behind her, it dawns on you that the streets have become emptier and emptier, and the notice that she has stopped, you pin your back against a brick building, closing your eyes while you hold your breath. Waiting a few more seconds, you peer around the corner where she stands, her gaze scoping the streets before checking behind her which you efficaciously jump out of sight. She returns to what looks to be typing on her cellphone, and not much time passes before the accustomed sight of a black SUV comes into view. There’s a notable sticker faded in the corner of the windshield that piques your attention especially when you recognize the vehicle to be that of Stan’s.

“Holy shit,” your whisper is so low that barely you can hear yourself. Seokjin’s ex-wife throws her phone into her purse especially when a man exits the passenger side of the automobile gracing a boxy smile that you recognize to be Kim Taehyung’s. He’s fashioning a green tracksuit along with a red headband- his slim arms spreading to envelop her in a long embrace to where she buries her face within the crook of his neck. Sunglasses decorate his vision, and while he flickers his stance to ensure there is no one present, he turns to pull down her mask where he places his palms upon her cheeks, leaning in to plant a small kiss to her lips.

They enter the SUV, the one you haven’t been frequenting in due to current events, and you briefly press your back against the bricks once more in hopes of your hiding spot not being unraveled by the couple you happened to witness. Shock trickles your brain to the point that your nerves are shot because you can hardly make sense of anything anymore. Kim Taehyung is dating Seokjin’s ex-wife? Without Seokjin’s knowledge? If the whole world isn’t familiar with the pair, then why would Seokjin be? Is this how karma likes to play? Lurking into the shadows of the past just to snatch exactly what it needs?

Yet, you don’t feel sorry for him, because look at all this pain he has caused you. You were right, in your mind, a mere ‘sorry’ cannot fix the damage that has been done. But, in his ex-wife’s case, the damage brought her to what looks to be a stable, yet loving relationship, and that’s all you could have ever wanted for her. Tears brim your eyes while you squeeze them shut, the material of your shirt still scratching against the brick without wanting to move an inch. When a flash followed with a harsh click interrupts your seclusion, you’re not prepared with the yelling questions awakening you swiftly to the point of nausea-

“[Y/N]! [Y/N]! Is it true that you were fired from Late Night in Seoul!?” “Was it Seokjin’s decision to rid of the baby?” “Were you aware of-” “What will become of your career now-”

“Shit!” Your feet work faster than your brain, nearly tripping over the air to urgently escape the multitude of paparazzi now fresh on your trail. How long they must have been following you- you’re hoping not long- especially with the new revelation you viewed a few minutes before your identity was intervened. “Why the fuck can’t you just leave me alone!?” You shout, this not being the first time this has happened since the night of that damned party; wind roughly blows against your cloth that is now loose upon your head- sunglasses hardly staying in place while you scramble to anywhere that will keep them from catching up. Thirty minutes pass before you’re out of breath, bent over while your hand clutches your abdomen- it doesn’t take much before you spew up whatever little contents you have within your stomach. Your hand soon finds the cool surface of a building while the foul taste of bile stings your tongue- still bent over, you retch a few more times before you swipe at the corners of your mouth; wherever the press is now, they’re not behind you, and once you’ve regained your composure, you keep your eyes peeled. You hardly remember the return to your home, lifelessly scampering to fix a cup of hot chocolate before settling onto the couch for the evening. You haven’t eaten in days, and you know it’s near time to order more groceries, yet you haven’t had enough appetite to crave much of anything. Exasperation mingled with deep sadness are all you can feel at the moment- the events of the day taking a toll on you more than you’d like to profess.

Swiftly checking your bank account, you exhale a sigh of relief with how much you’ve been able to save before the loss of your job. And, luckily, your pen name hasn’t been unearthed from your previous job which is something you wouldn’t be able to handle after everything else. Staring at the wall, letting the heat of the liquid steam down your throat, for once you confess to yourself, that maybe you had never been as lonely as you figured before. For now, cold fingers circling your mug while silence hovers in the air, you’ve never felt so alone.

It doesn’t register when you take another sip, that the doorbell rings, priming you to slowly set your mug upon the side table- eyebrows greeting each other from the confusion that fills your expression. Your tired appendages gradually make it to the door, unlocking the deadbolt just for your fingers to grip the doorknob, the creak of the door opening, before your eyes, peek through the crack just to cause sickness to grip your abdomen.

Seokjin stares at you, desperation manifesting in his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing here!? And, how the hell did you find-”

“I can explain,” he cuts you off- light headiness consuming you while anger pools beneath your chest. Blinking a few times, you rub your fingers to your forehead while a small whimper escapes your lips. Before you can comprehend what’s going on, your knees buckle, eyes rolling back-

“[Y/N]!” A frantic voice sounds- darkness taking over before you hit the ground.

“So um, would you like to take a walk?”

It’s the gentleness exuberating from the soft, brown irises holding your gaze that builds a tender smile at the corner of your lips. Just seeing the way your eyes spark a hint of interest relieves a mirrored grin upon Seokjin’s face, his eyes searching yours as if he can read exactly what your mind is thinking.

“I’d love to,”

The mention of the coffee shop is brought up the second the pair of you turn in the direction of it- Seokjin asking for any plans you may have for the day which you gladly admit to not having any. Small jokes are shared the entire adventure toward the entrance of the store, the strong scent of the coffee immediately greets you whilst your laughter persists toward a smiling Seokjin who admits he retrieves his jokes from none other than Google itself. You’re very attracted, and you know it’s obvious with the way your chest heats from the nerves traveling within your system, yet you observe that you’re not the only one guilty of being jittery due to the apparent shade of red dawning the tips of his ears once again.

When he insists on paying, you shyly defeat, the balminess of the Styrofoam cups warming your hands as the two of you trail to a faded, blue couch just a few feet away from the counter where orders take place. Without thinking, you manage to take a seat at the equal time Seokjin does- your shoulder nearly smothering his from the proximity you absentmindedly committed.

“Sorry,” you murmur, scooting a few inches away to provide him space you assume he may prefer. The blotchy blush that has covered most of your chest now spreads to highlight your cheeks, but it’s what he does next that makes your heart melt faster than you anticipate.

“Don’t be sorry,” he grins- shuffling closer to you to drape his arm around your shoulders, squeezing you gently. His handsome face is so close that you wish you could kiss him- something you don’t typically desire to do on a first date- if this is even considered a date- but, the way he timidly holds your stare, you could give in to him right then and there.

Clearing his throat, you break your glance by timorously admiring the coffee within your shaky palms, “What brought you to the city?”

Sipping your drink, you ponder momentarily before answering, “My job mostly. Plus, it’s a new scenery too. I grew up more in the country,”

“Do you like the city better?”

“I do, and I don’t,” you shrug, “The country is quieter, whereas the city has more noise, but I do enjoy certain areas of the city, like the park, some of the shops around here,” turning to look at him, you’re curious to what he favors, “What about you? What got you into acting?”

Looking ahead, his eyes briefly scan the scenery of the coffee shop, “It’s always been a dream of mine, even when I was younger. I graduated from Konkuk University with a degree in acting and art last year,”

“Oh, wow that’s very impressive,” you compliment, “I know earlier you mentioned you had an audition tomorrow. Are you nervous?”

Watching him tilt his head, he keeps his eyes fixated in front of him, you nuzzling a tad more into his side, his warmth bringing a feeling you haven’t felt in what seems like a lifetime, “I am, but I’m also excited. I’m not sure exactly which role I’ll land, but I’m hoping for a movie. There’s a romantic comedy I’m very interested in, but it depends on how well I do,”

“Good luck,” you smile, “I think you’ll do just fine,”

The conversation continues into your dream of co-hosting a night show one day, though callbacks for your auditions haven’t been made just yet, you refuse to give up hope. It’s funny how the talk of mere dreams can lead to the topic of food- Seokjin jumping on the idea of cooking for you sometime, “Which prompts my next question,”

“What’s that?” Curiosity stems within you, while you lean back just enough to take in his expression.

“Do you know what raw duck is?”

Of course, eyebrows furrowed, your mouth remains agape, and you’re uncertain why you’re overthinking it, “Isn’t it-”

“Tornado,”

“Oh!” Burying your face in your palms, Seokjin’s original straight face contorts into one of heavy laughter- you bundling your face into his chest.

“You took me, seriously didn’t you?”

“I’m embarrassed,” you kid while your voice muffles into his sweatshirt.

Once coffees are downed and cups are cleaned up, Seokjin holds the door open for you while he speaks fondly about his sugar gliders, hoping that you’ll come to meet them sometime. You’re so lost in your enchantment with this handsome stranger that you don’t want to leave. When dialogue dims, your hands stuffing into the pockets of your trench coat, you can’t help the undeniable yearn to remain in his company, “Thank you, by the way,” your soft voice matching the breeze cooling your tainted skin.

“Anytime,” he replies with the same tenderness within his deep voice. Maybe it’s the way his eyes bore into yours that really set the pace, or maybe it’s the way his thick lips persevere to keep such a sweet smile intact, but before you can catch yourself, you close the small gap between your frames with the quick stand on your tip-toes- your hands moving to squeeze his shoulders while your lips meet his. He tenses at first, mostly from the rapidity of the gesture, but once your lips part with his to relock so smoothly, desire seeps in- his large hands move to cup your waist to where your chests press. Leaning more into his kiss, you deepen it enough to where you fleetingly dance your tongue along the tip of his, wrapping your arms around his neck to offer more permission.

Eventually pulling away, mildly breathless, you’re too dazed to speak- his kiss leaving fluttering butterflies encompassing your heart. Seokjin is just as mutually enthralled as you are, and you take note of the struggle he has to form any attempt at words, “There’s um, there’s- there’s something wrong with my cellphone,”

Confusion plasters every aspect of your face as you step away with the quick tilt of your head, “What? Did you drop it?”

“I don’t- I don’t have your number in it,” slipping his phone from his pocket, he hands it to you. Laughter erupts from you, overpowering the subtle increase in your heart rate.

“This has never happened to me before!” Quivering thumbs begin after the surprise while you carefully type your number. All smiles face the direction of a destination you’re uncertain of, and now, you could care less as long as you get to spend the rest of your time with him. Handing him his phone, he slides his arm around your waist- you envision what would be the stars aligning, answering every wish you’ve mustered in your conscious- one wish that eventually leads you to the front porch of his house where no words are exchanged- just the addiction of his kiss and the burning crave to hold him close until the sun gleams outside his window to wake you to the reality you seemed to so easily forget.

The smell of chicken broth fills your nostrils causing your eyes to flutter open whilst groggily trying to clear your jumbled mind as to where you are. Head throbbing, your stiff digits pinch at the heated skin of your forehead, squeezing your eyes shut just enough for a small whimper to sound from your dry lips. Clinking sounds reverberate from the kitchen while you skirmish to sit up, realizing the plush fabric of a blanket is evident upon your enfeebled legs. Remembering the arrival of Seokjin, you huff in frustration at the realization that you must have passed out from all the shock you’ve endured the past few months. When frustrated tears well within your eyelids, you can’t even bring yourself to move- visibly weak from the enervation troubling your form.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey-” it takes a prolonged moment before Seokjin turns to the sight of you awake, his voice barely rises from a whisper while he rushes to your side, holding his hands in front of him in preparation if you were to fall. You can’t find the strength to speak, so you remain in silence- nearly shoving his hand away at first when he cautiously presses it to your forehead, “You’re burning up,”

Not getting a second to process his words, he jogs to the kitchen where the familiar trickle of liquid is being poured into what you assume is a bowl while his careful footsteps trail back to your location upon the couch. You try to lift your arms, but they don’t budge; Seokjin tags along a mini step stool to where he takes a seat. The jangle of the spoon stirs within the bowl, and from the look of the contents he gathers, it appears to be chicken noodle soup. Steadying the bowl beneath the steaming spoon, he offers some to you. Skeptical, you hesitate, flicking your eyes of warning in his direction while your fingers grip at the material of the sofa. He can see the obvious doubt written all over your face, but he gestures the spoon and bowl slightly trying to convince you to trust him. It’s not that you think he’s going to poison you or anything, but it’s the wonder of why he’s even here, to begin with. Accepting the soup, the heavenly taste soothes a sense of relief to your body, and Seokjin continues to feed you until the broth is gone.

Gaining enough strength to turn your head, in your peripherals you notice a full glass of water, something he must have set out for you whenever you were to return from slumber. When he sets the empty bowl aside, he rises just enough to retrieve the glass, “Here,” he says, bringing the rim of the cup to your parted lips. You down half the glass, and with a sweet grin, he then takes the empty bowl to place in the sink while he refills the glass of water to the brim. When he returns to you, you muster just enough to speak, “Why-” you clear your throat, “Why are you doing this?”

Ease settles within his voice at the sound of yours, rubbing his hands together, he stares at them momentarily before bringing his gaze to you, “I wanted to see you,”

“But, how did you-”

“I paid Stan.”

Mouth falling open, eyebrows wrinkling- your look must be incredulous from the surprise you feel within your chest; you look away from Seokjin, not sure if you should be angry or what, but instead, you let out a chuckle, “You bribed my driver?”

Seokjin breathes a small laugh himself, returning his eyes to his folded hands, “Maybe,”

Shaking your head, you decide to lean back onto your pillow, relieving some of the fatigue weighing heavy in your mind. How Seokjin knew Stan was your driver, you’re uncertain, and for now, you don’t even care to know the answer. As much as you want to believe he is a good person, it’s hard to. What happened two years ago isn’t something you can just brush off and pretend never happened. Especially with everything that has happened thus far. And even though you should be angry, you want to be angry- one hundred percent infuriated – you can’t. You’re so physically, mentally and emotionally drained, you just can’t.

“I was never pregnant,” you whisper, unknowingly confirming a question he’s been hounded with- Seokjin lifts his head, mouth ajar with widening eyes. “And I’ve never hated you for what happened.” A tear dribbles down your cheek, “I just- I just don’t know what to say,” Fighting is no longer an option you want to deal with anymore. He’s already told you he’s sorry, and here he is, right beside you making sure that you’re getting taken care of despite the circumstances. On top of that, you’re not alone. For the first time since this whole scandal began, you’re not alone. And you know, from the way fame can tear individuals’ apart, that Seokjin probably hasn’t been able to find a moment of peace for himself either. Meeting his eyes, right then the tears stream harder- Seokjin rushes to you until his arms embrace you. Body trembling, you bury your face into his chest; all the pain, all the anger, all the stress, all the depression, and all the guilt flowing down your cheeks. You don’t want it anymore. None of it. Wrapping your arms around him, you feel his chin quiver against the side of your head. He doesn’t say a word. He just lets you cry. Just two strangers. Two strangers who made a mistake. Coming together with the sole purpose to find forgiveness.

And, when the morning comes, your eyes observe the serene view of Seokjin sleeping- the way his lips are parted while a wavy tint formed on his bangs from the way his head lays upon the pillow. He held you all night, and quietly, you tiptoe to your room because right now, there is only one mission you have in mind- and, there is only one person you plan on seeing. Gathering money in preparation, you send a text to Stan asking if he’s available for a drive. It doesn’t take long for you to get ready, throwing on some sandals to prevent the sound of heels from waking Seokjin. Stan pulls up, and with one more glance toward Jin, you lock the door behind you gently- skipping toward the SUV in broad daylight, determination burning within your bones.

Your breathing is heavy when you come face to face with the large, mahogany door- nerves numbing your fingers while anxiety takes a toll upon your tense frame. Mind racing, your heart thuds with the inclination of wanting to knock on the door, but you hold yourself back. C’mon [Y/N], you can do this. What the hell are you waiting for? Scolding yourself, you inhale and exhale slowly, closing your eyes. Composing yourself, you know it’s now or never- opening your eyes, the heat of the sun warming your back- you gesture to knock at the door, the exciting sound of a woman’s voice causing your ears to tune in.

“Coming!” Faint footsteps sprint to the door prompting you to draw another quick breath while the nerves tingle within your stomach. When the door opens, her eyes pause the moment she sees you- evident shock overwhelming her expression while she processes who she sees standing before her.

“Hi,” the greeting is soft when you speak, and you’re amazed if you were even audible enough to be heard. She takes a step back into the house to check behind her as if to make sure the coast is clear before returning her face to you, “I’m- I’m-”

“I know who you are,” she voices, catching you off guard, “How did you-”

Looking down at your sandals, you wet your lips while Seokjin’s ex-wife waits for you to reply, “I-I paid Stan,”

“You what?” You don’t expect the lenient chuckle that she graces and your clammy palms shove into the pockets of your coat while you gather the words you’ve been wanting to say for what feels like a lifetime.

“I know this sounds,” you begin while timidly looking at her, “I just- I needed- I just-” stuttering, you let out a long sigh, “I just needed to see you.” Your words seem to bring a spark of sincerity behind her eyes while she searches yours- folding her arms across her chest while she nods for you to continue. Bowing slightly, you take a moment before continuing, “I know it’s been a few years, but I haven’t fully recovered from what happened, and I will never be able to live with myself if I pretend it never happened, but… I came here today because I just needed to see you and tell you, I am so sorry for what I did to you,” the tears are welling in your eyes while your voice breaks, and although you don’t want to let the tears fall, it feels like these days that’s all you have left in you to do, is just cry, “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I never will. But, if I would have known he was married, nothing would have ever happened between him and I. Nothing at all,” when the evident realization to your words seems to fully process, she stands straighter while you timidly glance toward the ground, “In fact, if I would have known he was married, I would have told him to-”

“Fuck off?” She says, catching you by surprise while knowing smirk tugs at the corner of her pink lips. Understanding floods her gape which leads you to let out a breath of relief.

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s exactly what I would have said,”

She nods, arms still crossed, but the tension eases from her shoulders, “You didn’t know.”

“No,” you whisper, bowing your head once more ashamed.

“I believe you,” the conversation remains quiet for what seems like forever although it was only thirty seconds, before Seokjin’s ex-wife steps forward, “You didn’t even know I existed, so in reality, none of it was your fault, and I can’t blame you for that,

Seokjin and I were very young when we married, and… It wasn’t necessarily our choice. Sometimes when it comes to making your parents proud, you’ll do anything.”

“I’m-I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be,” she gives you a kind grin, “Besides, if it wasn’t for you then Jin and I would have never found a good enough reason to tell our parents why the marriage simply wasn’t working… And, I would have never found Tae again,” happiness is noticeable in her voice at the mention of Taehyung- something you still awkwardly know about but are too embarrassed to confess, “Seokjin checks on us every now and then. He and Tae have been best friends for years now-” For some reason your trachea decides to react to the comment she just made, muffling your coughs into the crook of your arm. “Whoa, are you okay?”

“Yeah-” You manage to say, feeling the flush of your face turning red. Seokjin and Taehyung are best friends? So, that’s how Seokjin knew about Stan being my driver. And, maybe that’s what he’s been wanting to tell you all along? But, with that being known to you now, would you have believed it coming from his mouth? “I’m sorry,”

She giggles, “You’re fine. It happens,” she shrugs, “A year after the divorce, Seokjin and I found a way to move past it. He apologized, I forgave him, and we found a way to start over, but as friends like it should have been all along,” holding her eyes, you still remain speechless while her soft grin never leaves her face, “And, I forgive you, too, [Y/N]. I forgave you a long time ago,”

When you feel as though the heaviest burden you’ve carried for so long has been lifted off your shoulders, the tears fall immediately whilst happiness exuberates within your heart. You’re not even sure what else to do, and that’s when she pulls you in for a tight hug whispering the truth that she determines the two of you will be best friends after today. And, that’s something you know you will like very much.

The ride home holds nothing but a smile upon your face; one you haven’t felt in forever. Of course, before leaving, you search your whereabouts to ensure not one cameraman captured the personal moment between you and Seokjin’s ex-wife, or in better terms, your new friend. Now, the guilt about the anger toward Seokjin, although may have been valid, still haunts you in the sense of not fully giving him the benefit of the doubt. Even though, in the end, you’re satisfied with how the peace that has been obtained was graced in the way it was. The paths you, Seokjin, or your new friend have endured have not been easy, especially being involved in the spotlight, yet it has made every one of you strong individually. Overall, maybe an interview can be held for the four of you to reveal there is no underlying issue between the two couples will quiet the world in the judgment that has so easily been cast upon you and Seokjin especially.

Walking into your house, you’re greeted with the aroma of frying eggs mingled with the savory smell of meat. The soft click of the door closes behind you while you slide off your sandals before inching closer to the kitchen. The view before you melts your heart- still in the same attire as the previous night, Seokjin’s messy hair sticks from all sides- he continues turning the meat then reaching to stir what looks to be a pot of boiling rice. Off to the side are two plates already decorated with slices of your favorite fruit.

He wasn’t the person you always assumed he was. An arranged marriage nearly destroyed two people, yet they found a way to reconcile leading him to change for the better. Trust may always be a mountain you will have to climb, but at this moment, gazing at him surprising a meal he so thoughtfully decided to prepare, you’re willing to hike as far as you need to until you feel safe in his arms.

“Hey, I-”

“WHOA!” Seokjin jumps back, eyes wide while his arms frail in the air; the cooking utensil flies from his quivering hand making a clanging noise once it hits the floor. Springing back, your hand flies to your chest, “What’s the matter!? Are you okay!?”

When Seokjin realizes it’s you, he bends forward to rest his hands on his knees, “Oh man, you scared me. I didn’t hear you come in,” Erupting in a bout of laughter, you can barely breathe, he blushes, “Yeah, yeah keep on laughing,”

“I’m sorry, I just- that was too funny,” slipping your jacket off, you walk over to hang it in your coat closet, then walking to the corner of the kitchen while you let Seokjin recover, “You don’t have to do this, you know,” you say tenderly- his back faces you as he carefully watches the cooking food. Without saying a word, he turns to look at you and grins along with a slight bow. Something ignites within you that leaves you contemplating on what you’re about to do- deciding in an instant, you walk over to him, slipping between him and the stove where your hands nestle on his waist just to place a small kiss to his lips. The gesture shocks him when he pulls away with dazed, yet wide eyes,

“What was that for?”

Holding his gaze, you slide your arms to fully embrace him, letting the truth fall from your smile in a gentle murmur, “I forgive you, Jin,”

He tenses, but only for a moment, as if to process the words he’s been longing to hear, letting your words sink in completely until he fully holds you, and you hope he never lets you go. Hearts pound together while the sound of sizzling food fills the silence. When the two of you pull away to face each other, he timorously bows his head as if to thank you, resting his hand on your face. Once dinner has been served and consumed, he gathers both of your plates while you follow him into the kitchen. He sets them within the dishwasher before turning to face you- drying his hands with a towel before laying it upon the counter.

“Do you remember what raw duck is?”

“Oh no,” you groan, leaning your head back in feigned irritation, “Please don’t say it,”

“You do remember don’t you,” he accuses- eyes sweeping your snickering face.

“I do,” you admit.

“Then say it,”

“Tornad-”

“I can’t hear you!”

“Tore. Nay. Doe,” Seokjin chuckles his well-known, high pitched chuckle as you pull him in for another hug, “Thank you for everything, you dork,” Warm fingertips find your chin, tipping it up to read your eyes. Before you can blink, Seokjin kisses you- your arms immediately wrapping around his neck while he leans more into you. Everything that the pair of you have gone through forgotten- because for now, away from the spotlight, the two of you can be exactly who you are without any fear of being exaggerated. You both can be human beings finally experiencing the one thing you’ve pleaded for since the day of first meeting.

Ultimately, there is such thing as redemption for those who will do anything to fix the mistake they made; for someone who is willing to change for the better and fight to make things right no matter how difficult things may appear. You and Seokjin are just two souls who happened to yearn for the same thing. The one thing you both needed to find peace again.

Forgiveness.

Not only forgiveness for one another or the forgiveness of the person wronged, but you both also learned, after all this time, to find forgiveness for yourselves. As Seokjin holds you, his kisses mesmerizing, you can’t help but feel the immense joy surrounding your heart. If there is anything, you want more in this world, it’s for this peace to last forever.

[ao3theskyisblue]

Here’s to everyone (but mostly us)

Summary: 

"Have you ever thought what the world would be like if we hadn't met?"

"I don't know about you, " "But since the day you've appeared in my life, I can't imagine anything else."

Or, a fun little fic to go with that emotional scene in episode 4, where TK mentions being a personal shopper.

For @pragmaticoptimist34 here’s the fic to this post 😊

Click here to read on AO3 :))) 

“Have you ever thought what the world would be like if we hadn’t met?”

Carlos paused with his knife mid-slice, tilting his head up to meet TK’s gaze as the man was currently perched atop the kitchen counter. His posture was relaxed, green eyes shining in curiosity more than anything else, and so Carlos looked back down, resuming his chopping, silently waiting for him to continue.

“How different our lives would be?” TK hummed, swinging his legs gently back and forth. To others, the action may have been distracting, but to Carlos, it was one of the most endearing things he’s learned about his boyfriend. It was cute, how he almost seemed to be doing it unconsciously.

“I don’t know about you,” Carlos set down his knife and picked up the zucchini, moving them from the cutting board to a nearby bowl.

He had planned on making something quick when he asked for TK to bring some baby cucumbers on his way back when he got off shift, but that thought had quickly went out the door when TK arrived, kissed him chastely, and took out two giant zucchinis.

“TK…I asked you to buy cucumbers.”

“I did?” TK pointed to the two green vegetables he had just plopped onto the kitchen counter.

“…”

After rinsing the knife in the sink, he placed it down before looking up at TK again. “But since the day you’ve appeared in my life, I can’t imagine anything else.”

He watched, intrigued, as a pink tint slowly surfaced on TK’s cheeks, chuckling at the fond eye-roll.

“How do you even have the energy to cook and flirt with me right now? You just got off a 12-hour shift.” TK groaned, though the wide smile on his lips told Carlos all he needed to know. Deciding that the fried rice could wait just a little longer, he moved closer to where TK was sitting, smiling when he automatically spread his legs a little to accommodate him into his space.

“We both got off a 12-hour shift. And there is no such thing as being too tired to flirt with you.” Carlos mused, his smile widening as TK leaned in to press a soft kiss to his forehead. “The world could be ending, and I’d still flirt with you, rest assured on that.”

TK let out a sound between a snort and a laugh, leaning in to kiss him again, this time on both cheeks. They stayed like that for a while, bodies pressed in close to chase each other’s warmth. Carlos’ hands were settled comfortably on TK’s lower back, and the latter had squeezed him in tighter with his legs, hands playing with the stray curls on his nape.

And as always, their eyes never strayed far from the other.

Carlos nudged TK lightly when he suddenly let out a small puff of laughter, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I was just thinking of other scenarios where we could have met if life went in a different direction. Can you imagine me as a teacher?” TK snickered, and Carlos leaned back slightly.

“You are very good with kids.” TK’s smile turned a touch softer before returning to mischievous.

“I would create so many situations where they would have to call you in. Just to see you.” TK grinned, one hand shifting to push back some loose strands of hair from Carlos’ face. “I would even put myself through teaching chemistry, just to cause some mishaps.”

If there was a word to describe how much he loved the man in his arms right now, it probably wouldn’t fit in any dictionary.

“Wrong team, babe. Pretty sure they’ll call the fire department first.” Carlos pointed out. TK shrugged, poking a finger to Carlos’ chest, right above his heart.

“You’re going to look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t even consider responding for questioning?” TK raised an eyebrow, and…okay yeah, he did have a point.

“If I decided to become a cop, we could have worked together.” TK continued, and Carlos forced the image of TK in full APD uniform out of his mind, not needing another reason to put off their dinner until further notice. He’s already had numerous visual pleasures of TK in his worn out APD shirts, he didn’t need a heart-attack when his boyfriend completed the ensemble.

“HR would probably have had one of us transferring to the other side of the country in a second.”

TK reeled back, as if almost offended by that.

“You don’t think I would make a good colleague?” Carlos gave him a look, not buying the innocent expression for a moment. TK grinned, nudging him with his feet. “I would be on my best behaviour?” His expression didn’t change.

“You’re not the only one who would have to restrain themselves, you know,” Carlos murmured, hearing TK’s breath hitch slightly. “HR would be breathing down on my neck as much as they would be breathing down on yours.”

“We could just get transferred together. Problem solved.” TK suggested, and Carlos rolled his eyes fondly, shaking his head.

“Care to test the theory?”

Carlos frowned, confused.

“That I can convince anyone that I can be in any profession, no matter what you introduce me as.” TK tilted his head adorably, and – what.

“I’m…not sure I understand? Why would – “  

Something passed over TK’s expression, but before Carlos could read what it was, it was gone.

“It’ll be fun! Plus, I like being right.” TK grinned.

And…okay, who was Carlos to not indulge his boyfriend?

“Fine.”

It didn’t mean he couldn’t tease, though.

Moving back towards the cutting board, focusing intensely on the peppers this time, he asked, “You know what you would definitely pull off though?” Without even looking up, he knew TK was looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed adorably as he tried to discern the answer.

“What?”

Carlos gestured towards the zucchinis, grinning widely.

“A personal shopper.”

Carlos laughed, not even trying to dodge as TK kicked him in reprimand.

“And people say I’m the smartass.”

 .

It was rare, but not altogether impossible to see each other accidentally while the other was on the clock.

He had planned on running some errands when he noticed the brazen ‘126’ scribed across a familiar fire truck, its occupants currently putting back their supplies. Carlos recognized most of the equipment being put back were medical related, and they were sporting relaxed expressions so he guessed the call hadn’t been too bad.

He didn’t want to disturb them in the middle of work, and turned to walk back to his car when TK spotted him, smiling in pleasant surprise.

“Carlos?”

And there goes that plan.

Carlos returned the smile, closing the distance between them.

“Hey, you.” They had agreed on keeping the PDA to a minimum while on the job, so Carlos didn’t lean forward to give him the usual quick kiss they usually shared. He noticed TK catching himself before he did just that, and felt warmth blossoming in his chest.

“Is that our dinner?” TK tilted his head towards the bags in his hands, and Carlos gave an affirmative nod.

“I got extra cucumbers, just in case.” Carlos teased, stepping out of the way stealthily as TK lifted his leg.

“That was one time. And I was tired.” TK huffed, lowering his leg to lean against the firetruck casually. Carlos never knew he loved a man in uniform until the day he saw TK in his, the blue shirt tucked neatly into his work pants, tight and accentuating all the right places.

Though, TK could be wearing a burlap sack and still look as beautiful as he looked right now, he just somehow made everything work, much to his never-ending captivation.  

Stepping closer, eyes trailing quickly to see if they were alone, Carlos leaned in to press a quick kiss to the corner of TK’s lips. Leaning back, he chuckled at TK’s stunned expression.

“Reyes?”

Tensing, he saw TK’s eyes widen further as he made a discrete motion for him and turn around. Carlos did exactly that, only to see one of his co-workers heading in their direction.

“It is you! Day off today?” The man, Karl, smiled kindly and Carlos couldn’t do anything but nod slowly.

“Yeah.” Karl looked towards TK curiously, and Carlos hoped the smile on his face wasn’t too awkward. “Karl, this is TK, my b-“ TK nudged him lightly, green eyes now gleaming with mischief. Carlos rolled his eyes at the ‘remember our pact?’ silently being voiced between them and sighed quietly, giving Karl a wary smile.  

“-my colleague.” 

The word tasted funny on his tongue, and felt wrong, but a deal was a deal. He would humour TK and this game of theirs, even though he was sure he sounded not the least bit convincing.

“Your...colleague.” Karl said slowly, as if waiting for something more. When he gave none, the baffled look he gave him keyed him in on how Karl had definitely seen the kiss from earlier.  

And okay, yeah, Carlos himself wouldn’t have been convinced either if that were the case.

“Very close colleagues.” TK grinned, seeming to read the situation now and patted Carlos’ shoulder meaningfully. Karl’s lips twitched further upwards.

“I...see.” He clearly doesn’t see, but still gives them an amused smile. “And here I was thinking that I knew all our colleagues. Especially the pretty ones.” Karl teased, and Carlos couldn’t help laughing lowly as he waggled his eyebrows.  

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Karl chuckled, giving Carlos another knowing look, which he rolled his eyes good-naturedly at. He turned to TK, who was snickering quietly.

“You know, if you hadn’t kissed me, he might have bought it.” TK hummed, grinning mirthfully. Carlos looked at him wryly, shaking his head.

“Should I take back that kiss then?” Carlos mused, his lips tugging up into a smile at TK’s immediate ‘no.’

“Kisses have a no take-back rule. It’s practically law.” TK said seriously, and Carlos grinned.

“Law, huh?”

TK straightened himself from leaning against the firetruck to take his free hand, lifting it up to press a gentle kiss to his knuckles. He wasn’t sure his heart got the message to stay calm, and quietly wondered if TK could hear it practically beating out of his chest.

“I’ll see you at home?” TK’s eyes crinkled with that smile, making Carlos feel all mushy inside, as if he needed any more reason for his heart to stop beating at all from overdrive.

He squeezed their tangled hands, suddenly feeling the world warming seamlessly around them.

“Stay safe.”

 .

Four tacos, one bubble tea and three napkins later, TK was on the verge of debating whether he should just call in for a day off with how full he was.

“You know, if you keep on spoiling me like this, I’m not going to fit into my uniform soon.”

His elbows were placed comfortably on the wooden bench, his chin leaning over to rest lightly over his clasped hands. Carlos tossed the last of his own napkins into the compostable container before looking up, lips twitching in amusement. His eyes trailed down slowly down the length of his body, the slight heat in his languid gaze sending a pulse of heat through TK’s body.

“Sounds like a win-win to me.” Carlos mused, chuckling as TK rolled his eyes. Reaching out just a bit further, TK lightly knocked his leg against Carlos’, the movement slightly jostling the bench they were sitting on as they had been linking ankles before. “And just for that, I’m going to be swinging by the station tonight to cook all of you dinner.”

Groaning, TK ran a hand down his face (though not masking his wide grin) as he slouched slightly in defeat. He didn’t need to be looking at Carlos to know he was wearing his signature smug smirk.

“Paul’s already been working at stuffing us to our limits by turning the station’s kitchen into the next MasterChef. Please don’t encourage him. You know I can’t say no to your cooking.” TK looked up pleadingly, making sure that his so called ‘puppy-dog eyes’ were in full force. He knew that Carlos had slowly gotten used to seeing them through their months of dating, but it has still gotten his boyfriend to be a little more lenient with him so far, so it couldn’t hurt, right?

“Too late. I texted Paul to let him know there would be an extra pair of hands helping him tonight and to bring out his A-game.” Carlos grinned, lifting up the hand that wasn’t intertwined with TK’s to wave his phone at him teasingly. He tried to scowl, but it truly was difficult to feel anything but sheer affection for the openly delighted expression on Carlos’ face.

TK parted his lips, mind working to come with a smart comeback but was startled by a shadow appearing next to them suddenly.

“Hello- uh, officer?”

The two men looked up to see a beautiful woman with luscious brown hair tied up in a loose bun standing beside their bench. TK would have been taken aback at how she knew Carlos was a cop, but remembered that he was still in uniform during their shared lunch break. Studying her curiously, TK noticed that her expression seemed a little nervous and her hands were gripping her handbag tighter than necessary when Carlos turned his puzzled gaze from TK to meet hers politely.

“Yes?”

TK ducked his head to hide a smile at how Carlos’ voice had turned from the affectionate tone he used during their private conversations to work-mode in a manner of seconds. The familiar warmth spreading through his body was nothing new. It seemed like there was an infinite amount of space in his chest for his heart to grow with love for the man sitting across from him.

“I- well, I’ve seen you a lot around here and I was wondering if I could get your number?” TK bit the inside of his cheek to hide a wide grin, lifting a hand to cover his mouth lightly in hopes of pushing down the bout of laughter threatening to spill at the woman’s eager gaze. Truthfully, he respected her courage, if not a little taken-aback at her obliviousness.

They were sitting with their ankles locked, hands loosely intertwined on the table, and he was pretty sure two men who had just been feeding each other bites of their tacos screamed anything but platonic.

“I’m – I’m sorry?” Carlos blinked at her, jaw slackened in shock, and TK once again had to hold back a snicker. He wasn’t sure he’s ever seen his boyfriend look so confused over a question before, and opted to look at the woman, giving her his best smile.

“You don’t have to! I just- thought I’d ask? My friends always say I let opportunities pass without even taking a second glance and I guess, decided to take a second glance? This time?” The woman trailed off, eyebrows furrowing, her eyes darting between the two as if the answer to her own question would magically appear if her eyes darted fast enough.

TK’s self-control was currently on the verges of collapsing, the laughter just bubbling on the surface of his lips, threatening to break free so he bit his cheeks harder to keep it at bay. It would be terribly rude, and that was something he tried very hard not to be.

Carlos was completely speechless now, his eyes very obviously glancing down at where their hands were intertwined on the table, and he seemed to only shake out of his daze when TK gently pulled his hand back, giving Carlos a discrete wink at his confused look.

“You have very good taste ma’am.” TK said brightly, and when the woman’s gaze turned to him, she seemed a little taken aback, for what reason, he wasn’t quite sure yet. “What’s your name?”

The woman’s eyes widened, wincing at the question as if realizing she kind of had just popped out of nowhere, and smiled weakly.

“Karoline.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Karoline!” TK grinned, shifting his gaze to Carlos, sending him a ‘play along’ look before turning his gaze to Karoline again. “As this gorgeous man’s personal valet, I can assure you he is a wonderful guy. Also tips very well.”

(It wasn’t exactly a lie, Carlos is absolutely wonderful. The ‘tips’ however…)

TK hid a smirk at Carlos’ incredulous stare, stunned, and the woman in front of them looked a little perplexed but the polite smile never left her face. 

“His personal valet?” 

TK leaned back slightly, untangling their locked ankles much to Carlos’ silent protest. He shot Carlos a knowing look, reaching forward to pat his hand affectionately before turning his attention back to the woman.  

“You see, his hands just get so tired all the time arresting the bad people on the street, so I lend him mine. Sometimes. Quite often.” TK smiled casually, and just to drive in the nail, he added, “I can drive a stick very well.”

TK was well aware that heated eyes were glaring daggers at him right now, which is why he leaned his legs even further back. The badly aimed kick met air, and he let out a quiet chuckle at Carlos’ muffled curse when he slipped slightly in his seat.

Karoline looked even more baffled than before, if not also a little wary now, not knowing who to look at. TK was about to throw in another comment when Carlos suddenly leaned forward, his expression clearing from the earlier shock.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I have to decline.” The conviction in his tone had Karoline immediately step back, and TK could honestly relate a little to her brief flash of disappointment. The memory of a particular moment months ago, back when their relationship was still undefined still left a bitter taste on his tongue.

He looked at Carlos then, and was a little floored at the pulses of affection emitting in waves through his eyes and encasing him in an all-too-familiar warmth.

“I’m in a fully-committed relationship.” Carlos said softly, talking more to him than Karoline, and TK ducked his head as his cheeks warmed.

“Oh. I’m-I’m so sorry.” Unlike before, Karoline was the one lost for words now, and she gave them both a quick and awkward wave before walking as fast as her stiletto heels allowed her, a feat quite impressive all on its own.

TK watched as her figure gradually faded into the distance, turning back to face Carlos again and pauses when he finds his boyfriend staring at him incredulously.

“Seriously?”

Raising an eyebrow at how appalled he looked, TK unconsciously linked their ankles underneath the table again.

“What?”

“A personal valet? Do those even exist anymore?” TK was about to answer when Carlos groaned, shaking his head. “You know what – I don’t want to know. It’s probably better if I don’t.” Carlos sighed, and TK felt his lips inadvertently curl upwards, his amusement from before hitting him full force now from how much he restrained himself earlier.

“I thought I did pretty well. I make an excellent driver.” Carlos snorted. TK narrowed his eyes, scowling.

“Something to share, officer?”

“I let you drive once.” Carlos said slowly, leaning forward and trailing off as if to prove a point, but TK couldn’t really see the point being made.

“And…?”

“Once, Ty. I never thought it was possible to desperately try driving from the passenger side with imaginary brakes until that night. I can still feel the phantom aches in my right leg.” TK frowned at that, trying to remember back to the night Carlos was mentioning. He had stepped off a 24-hour shift and was too tired to stand upright, tossed him the car keys after affirming he had a driver’s license and that was that.

Now that he thought back on it, Carlos had looked a little pale when they got home.

“In my defense…I hadn’t touched a car for a while before that night.” TK tried weakly, biting his lip when Carlos just stared at him flatly.

“You almost reversed us into a ditch when you tried shifting to ‘drive.’”

“Okay now, that is definitely not my fault. I had a motorcycle back in New York and it’s a little difficult shifting mindset from the patterning on the gear shifts – why are you looking at me like that.” TK was fully prepared to explain his case when he caught the strange look on Carlos’ face. His eyes were a little too wide, mouth parted slightly as if in shock again.

“Seriously, are you alright? What did I say?” TK frowned, reaching forward to squeeze Carlos’ hand, feeling a little relieved when he felt him squeeze back, albeit tighter than he had.

“You drove a motorcycle?” TK’s frown deepened when Carlos’ voice sounded strangled, his breaths shallower than before, pupils blown wide.

“Yeah? It was easier, since traffic was terrible. It’s not LA, but rush-hour is absolute hell.” TK explained slowly, studying Carlos’ expression more closely, before realizing what he was seeing and smirked.

“Didn’t peg you to like bad boys.” TK teased, laughing as Carlos scowled.

“Not everyone who rides motorcycles are bad boys. I just have good taste.” Carlos grumbled, smiling now, and TK flashed a grin.

“Admit it, I would make an awesome personal valet.” TK tilted his head impishly, enjoying Carlos’ slightly put-off expression.

“You just told that kind woman how much you enjoyed lending me your hand. And about how much you enjoy our activities in bed. With car puns.” Carlos shook his head fondly, sighing in exasperation. “Pretty sure that alone would get you fired.”

TK gave Carlos a smug smile, leaning in closer so that their faces were mere inches apart.

“But did I lie?”

  (On the other side:

“It’s always the pretty ones, huh?” Karoline sighed, slipping the change into the tip jar as she watched the two men she had just talked to smiling softly, heads leaning in subconsciously towards each other in a pocket of intimacy she didn’t see before. From her new angle now, and with her nerves no longer impairing her observation skills, she could clearly see the intertwined hands, the locked ankles, and one of the men teasing the other by slowly inching up the length of the other’s leg.

Reina, the kind lady who ran the taco cart, snorted elegantly, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Oh, honey. Those two aren’t exactly quiet with how much they love each other.”

 .

“Excuse me, sir?”

Carlos paused mid-story about an absurd call involving two brothers, a parakeet, and a toaster he had responded to that day to look down at three kids looking up at them with wide eyes. It was one of the rare days where their day offs finally coincided, and he let TK drag him outside for a walk at a nearby park.

“You know, it’s funny. Usually the roles are reversed.” Carlos drawled, not bothering to lift his head up from the pillow as TK slipped on his boxers, bare feet padding lightly around the bedroom to try and find where his t-shirt had flown in their fun last night.

“I thought I’d finally give you a break from always having to drag me out of bed, and now you want to sleep in?” TK mused, and Carlos pressed his face deeper into his pillow, grumbling incoherently.

“I’m not awake enough for this. How are you even walking right now?” TK snorted at that, and Carlos heard footsteps coming closer before the bed dipped beside him, smiling when soft lips pressed a kiss against his bare shoulder.

“Talent.” TK whispered, and Carlos opened his eyes, reaching out in record speed to tug TK down beside him again, both of them grinning widely. Carlos rolled them over, easily accommodating TK’s weight on top of his, the latter relaxing into his arms.

“Oh? Are our legs suddenly working again?” TK teased, lifting a hand to poke at his cheek playfully, and Carlos shot him an amused glare, tightening his hold before rolling them again, lips twitching up to match TK’s laugh as he pressed him into the bed.

“No.” Carlos huffed, swallowing TK’s answering chuckle with a kiss. He couldn’t help his own bright smile when hands cupped the back of his head, tugging him in closer. What he hadn’t been prepared for, was for the world to suddenly shift. He opened his eyes to see TK looking down at him affectionately, lips slightly swollen from their kiss as he leaned down to press feathery-light kisses all over his face.

“I’ll start the coffee.”

Shaking his head, Carlos gave TK a curious look, tilting his head towards the kids. TK shrugged, not knowing who they were either.

“Yes?” They responded in unison, and the kids exchanged glances before two of them pushed the third forward, delegating him as the speaker, much to the boy’s apparent annoyance.

“Zola wants to know how your arms got so big!” The boy blurted out, gesturing to the girl who scowled at him.

“Oh, like you weren’t wondering too, Zack!” Zola crossed her arms haughtily, her pigtails swinging angrily as she turned her head abruptly to the side.

“I told you to be low-key about it!”

“She’s right though, Zack.”

“Nobody asked you, Cody!”

Carlos noticed TK’s lips twitching in amusement, his green eyes gleaming with silent laughter at the kids bickering. He saw Zola starting to step menacingly towards Zack and kneeled down to their height, deciding to step in.

“I’m a police officer.” Carlos explained, and all three pairs of eyes turned to him. Zola and Zack seemed to piece together the answer judging by the flow of understanding in their gaze, while Cody’s eyes widened in awe.

“So you’re a hero!” Cody exclaimed excitedly, stepping closer, and Carlos felt a little embarrassed at the blatant wonder colouring Cody’s expression.

“It’s a group effort, but thank you.” Carlos gave him a gentle smile, and Cody ducked his head shyly.

“So, what’s your excuse?”

Carlos shifted to see Zack turning accusing eyes towards TK, who blinked at Zack’s boldness. Though, the amused smile was still present when he kneeled down to join Carlos in their conversation.

“You think my arms are big?” TK asked playfully, and Zack scoffed, scowling at Zola who smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

“They’re alright I guess.” Zack huffed, and Carlos had to hold back a laugh at TK’s affronted look. He raised both hands innocently when TK turned to glare at him. Carlos looked Zack right in the eye, sending a mischievous smile in TK’s direction.

“He’s my personal shopper.” Carlos said blithely, accepting the elbow to his ribs graciously. “Though recently, I’m thinking of hiring another considering he brought home zucchinis when I specifically asked for-“

“Okay! They don’t need to know that.” TK fixed Carlos with a look before turning to the kids again, smiling pleasantly.

“So, your arms look like that because you shop a lot?” Cody asked, and Zack frowned.

“That can’t be the case. My mother doesn’t have arms like him.” Zack noted.

“Ah, not necessarily, Zack. Everyone shops differently.” TK twists a little to showcase his arms much to Carlos’ amusement, “Never underestimate the power of weekly sales.” TK winked, but Zack didn’t look too impressed.

“Can you cook too?” Zola asked tentatively, and Carlos snorted.

“Oh, definitely not. He just buys the groceries.” Carlos mimicked a terrified shudder, laughing as TK was very obviously fighting off a pout, trying to act tough in front of the kids.  

“I can make coffee! And salad.”

Carlos very wisely didn’t remind TK of their automated coffee machine, instead focusing on the latter part of his remark.

“By tossing the vegetables I already chopped for you into a bowl?”

“It still counts!” TK huffed, looking towards the kids for some validation but Zack didn’t seem too impressed.

“I can make salad and I’m seven. You’re what, 30?” Zack raised an eyebrow, and Carlos coughed loudly to mask his laughter, admiring Zack’s bold personality and apparent lack of filter. TK swayed beside him, clasping a hand to his chest dramatically.

“I am not that old.” TK groaned, pointedly ignoring Carlos’ bemused stare.

‘You’re 26 Ty, he just rounded up.’ Carlos raised an eyebrow in silent communication, and TK rolled his eyes and stuck up a certain finger out of view of the kids.

“So, to answer your question Zola, no, he can’t cook. Other than tossing together a salad.” Carlos chuckled.

“I didn’t hear you complaining when I tossed your salad.”

Carlos choked on air, narrowing his eyes when TK snickered. He tilted his head sharply to where innocent seven-year-olds were listening, all of which were looking up at them in confusion.

“Personal shoppers toss your salad too?”

“What does that even mean?”

“Maybe he helps him coat the sauce more evenly-“

“Alright kids,” Carlos interrupted, nudging TK sharply as he laughed, “I’m sure your parents will be picking you up soon.” He looked up to see a man and woman heading in their direction, giving them a strained smile before standing up and pulling TK with him.

“It was nice to meet you all!” TK called back, stumbling as Carlos pulled him in closer, walking briskly in the opposite direction.

“You’re shameless.” Carlos hissed once they were out of earshot, his arm curling around TK’s waist to give him a full view of his unimpressed glare. TK merely stepped into the hold, lips curling up impishly.

“To be fair, Zack started it by saying I was 30. Plus, they’ll probably forget this even happened when they’re finally old enough to understand.” TK shrugged, and Carlos sighed.

“Let’s hope so.”

  (On the other side:

“Hey mom?

“Yes sweetie?”  

“Why would someone toss someone else’s salad? Why not just do it yourself?”)

 .

The first thing his boyfriend does is hold up both hands, palms facing forward placatingly.

“I can explain.”

 No, he really can’t. He could probably try, but nothing that Carlos was going to say now would deter him from doing a thorough checkup and then sending him to the hospital for further checks.

“Enlighten me.” Even though he was itching to run his hands along his boyfriend’s tattered uniform to check for hidden injuries, he forced himself to push forward what minuscule amount of composure he had left to stay put at his spot a few steps away.  

TK watched as Carlos shifted his weight, the slight wince at the motion almost making him sprint forward to just throw him on a stretcher. He opted to just tighten his hold on the nylon handle of the first-aid bag he was holding, silently waiting for him to speak.

“We thought we had sealed off all the exits.” Carlos started, reaching up a hand to run through his messy curls. There was a scratch on his hand that was still bleeding, and that alone had TK’s grip on the bag tighten further. “Turns out there was an underground sewer that wasn’t on the blueprints, which started a car chase.”

A car chase.

That was certainly a mild way to put it.

When his team had arrived on scene, TK had felt his heart plummeting to the cold concrete floor at how the first car he saw was crushed so badly it looked more like the truck that had T-boned it had eaten it rather than simply crashed into it. And that wasn’t even the most terrifying thing about the scene.

It was the fact that there were also multiple APD cruisers, the glass from their shattered windows scattering the ground, gleaming menacingly in the low evening light, as if taunting him.

Because Carlos’ cruiser had been one of them.

TK almost dropped the saw he had been carrying when he saw it as the one nearest the horribly crushed car, and suddenly felt the world not having enough air the breathe. His team had noticed immediately, grim expressions on their faces when they slowly pieced together the scene in front of them, and they worked on autopilot.

Paul grabbed the saw from his hands, squeezing his shoulder in passing. Marjan and Mateo all gave him reassuring smiles, squeezing his arm, and his dad and Judd gently nudged him towards where a couple uniform officers were. His dad had waved at Tommy but she was already shoving a med kit into his hands, Nancy double checking if he had everything.

Which brought them to where they were now.

He hadn’t seen Carlos at first, eyes darting frantically around the scene for a familiar face, ears strained, desperately listening for the voice he loved most in the world. It hadn’t been until he looked towards an elderly couple, the ones that had probably called it in according to dispatch, when he finally saw his boyfriend.

He had already did a full sweep with his eyes for any superficial injuries and felt his heart slowing slightly when he noticed minor bruising, but now, standing in front of the man who could have died without him even knowing, he needed to be sure.

“-fine though. Really, I’m okay. I promise.” Carlos was trying to sound reassuring, and TK appreciated it, but he needed to see for himself.

“Carlos?”

There must have been something in his voice, because Carlos immediately stopped talking, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah?”

TK closed the rest of the distance between them to stare at him blankly.

“Sit your ass down right now and let me check you over.”

He thought his boyfriend would have put up more of a fight, considering both their stubborn natures regarding injuries, so he was pleasantly surprised when Carlos merely sat down slowly on the curb.

TK didn’t waste another second to kneel down and take Carlos’ hand in his, the one he had noticed before that had been bleeding, and did quick work to fix that. They didn’t speak, and he was silently grateful for the quiet, wanting to concentrate fully on making sure he didn’t miss anything. When he slowly brought his gaze up to Carlos’ face, he was taken aback at how warm those brown orbs were, as they watched him work.

“I’m okay.” Carlos repeated again, this time softer, and TK had to glance away as the lump in his throat threatened to spill over. He had been holding his own feelings at bay, needing to do his job without his emotions clouding his decisions because he needed to make sure it was his professional opinion that Carlos was alright before his personal opinion did.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” TK said quietly, tightening the bandage he secured around Carlos’ wrist, mentally noting down the mild sprain to be checked over more at the hospital. He had already poked and prodded every single part of Carlos’ ribs, checked for internal bleeding, a concussion, head lacerations –

He should do a second check.

“TK.”

TK didn’t look up, instead continuing his second round of examinations, when a hand gently took both of his, a head ducking down to meet his gaze.

He didn’t know what kind of expression he was sporting right now, but allowed Carlos to slowly tug him into a hug. He ducked his face into his spot in the crook of Carlos’ neck, closing his eyes.

“I was scared.” TK choked out quietly, feeling the arms around him tighten further. His own hands clutched desperately at Carlos’ back, trying to convince him that he was here, safe in his arms, and not disappearing somewhere he couldn’t follow. “I saw your cruiser, and the world turned grey.” The tears he had been trying anxiously to keep at bay slipped down his cheeks. He almost wanted to pull back to not get Carlos’ uniform wet, but his boyfriend made no move to let go, instead making a wounded noise and pressed him in even closer.

“I’m sorry.” TK did pull back slightly at that, shaking his head violently.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.” TK cupped Carlos’s face between the palms of his hands reverently, not even caring how terrible he must look with wet tears running down his cheeks and eyes swollen red. Carlos was still looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world, so he could deal with his terrible crying face later.

Gentle thumbs swiped away the rest of the tears that had slipped free, and TK smiled weakly as Carlos pressed their foreheads together. Their breaths intermingled in the chilled evening air, and TK has never felt this warm.

They stayed like that for a while, before TK swiped a hand over his face and moved back a little, eyes running over the wrinkly cop uniform.

“For once, I’m not the reason your uniform is all wrinkly.”  TK said lightly, and Carlos’ lips tugged into a bright smile, eyes dancing happily.

“We could always fix that.”

“And you say I’m shameless.” TK chuckled weakly, leaning into the warm palm cupping his face.

“You two are real sweet on each other, aren’t you?”

TK startled at the sudden voice, turning to see the elderly couple he saw before standing beside them, twin smiles on their faces.

How long had they been there?

“How long have you two been together?” The elderly man asked kindly, and TK exchanged a glance with Carlos, who gave him an amused smile, nodding at him to go on.

“I’m his- ah, friend. Bro. Very good bro.”

The elderly couple just looked at them, gazes shifting from one to the other in utter disbelief. TK discreetly pinched Carlos’ wrist at the non-too quiet snort badly hidden into his cough. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea he could have come up with, considering how close they had been earlier. But still, he decided to clear the air. 

Or, tried to.

“Homies, you know? And all that jazz. I’m sure you understand.” TK added weakly, and clearly they didn’t understand, but politely stayed quiet about it.

“Is that so.” The elderly woman hummed, eyes twinkling knowingly, and her husband snorted. “Well, we’ll leave you two to it then. Carry on being ‘bros.’” The woman winked, before tugging on her husband’s arm to lead him away.  

“I’m staring to think you might suck at this game.” Carlos mused, watching the elderly couple walking away before turning his gaze back to him. TK groaned.

“Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best choice.” Carlos stared at him, choking out an incredulous laugh.  

“You think?” 

TK huffed, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“What, you don’t think we can be just bros?” Carlos gave him his ‘don’t bullshit me’ look, and TK stepped forward, face mere inches from each other and met his stare head-on, seeing which one would cave first.

He had read somewhere that if two people could hold eye contact in very close vicinity without looking away from each other for 10 seconds, their relationship would be purely platonic. He’s lost every single time since the first time they tried it, but he was determined to win this time.

And as always, his conviction wavered whenever he gazed into those ridiculously loving brown eyes that seemed to have a limitless amount of fondness and affection.

Sighing, TK stepped back at the 8 second mark, ignoring Carlos’ smug smile.

“...you’re right, we absolutely can’t. I love doing non-bro things with you too much for that.” TK knew he was probably pouting slightly, but accepted the hand extended towards him regardless, stepping into Carlos’ space once again.

“Let’s never revisit this topic again.” 

“Agreed.” 

  (On the other side:

“Young love really hits differently, don’t you think?” The elderly couple had stopped to look back, smiling in amusement when they were greeted with the two men lost in their own world, unaware of anything around them other than each other.

“While that may be true dear,” the elderly man wraps a gentle arm around his wife, and the same cheeky smile that had made her heart skip a beat from their very first meeting shone on his face full-force, almost taking the breath out of her lungs.

“I’d also say that love only ripens with time.” )

 .

It was different, this time.

The first time they had met his family, it was when he was caught off guard and still uncertain on a lot of things. It had been terrifying, wanting to shout out from the rooftops about how much he loved one man but also at the same time not quite ready to do so.

This time, he had known his parents would be here, and although he knew they might bump into each other, he chose to go with TK anyway.

Unlike the first time, it was TK who spotted his parents first. Carlos felt a light squeeze of his hand and looked up to see his boyfriend tilting his head quickly towards two familiar figures, his expression growing hesitant.  

“You should go say hi. I’ll wait here.” TK murmured softly, eyes filled with nothing but understanding and love. Carlos knew he meant it, that he would gladly stay put to not put Carlos in the awkward position he had been in just a few weeks before.

Seeing the overwhelming love and understanding never wavering from TK’s gaze, Carlos felt something settle in his chest.

“No.”

He tugged on their intertwined hands sharply before TK could comprehend what was happening, and pulled them towards where their parents were standing, his mother pointing at a snow globe on display through the window of one of the shops.

His father spotted him first this time, giving him a warm smile and called out his name cheerfully, before his eyes lowered to their clasped hands. Carlos squeezed TK’s hand tighter and straightened, breathing in deeply. His mother turned at his father’s call, a bright smile on her lips.

“Carlitos! What a surprise – “ Andrea greeted warmly, before her eyes also lowered to their hands, widening in surprise.

“Mom. Dad.” Carlos greeted nervously, and felt a wave of courage when TK squeezed his hand in support. “This is my boyfriend, TK.”

And with those five words, it was as if a dam finally broke, his chest suddenly feeling lighter than they had in years. His gaze didn’t waver from his parents. TK was the only one who could feel how sweaty his palms were, and yet, he only clutched him tighter.

This game of theirs would end right here, and right now.

“Carlos.”

Carlos blinked in surprise as his mother’s eyes filled with happy tears. He looked towards his father to see him still sporting a warm smile, unwavering even at his declaration.

His parents looked like they wanted to say more, but his mother shot him a playful glare, silently telling him that they would definitely be having a proper conversation during their family dinner in a few days, before turning their attention to TK.

“TK, was it?” Andrea said kindly, and Carlos felt TK tensing beside him. He turned to see TK smile nervously, reaching behind him with his other hand to wipe it discretely on the back of his pants. The little action had Carlos chuckle quietly, chest filling with so much love for the man standing beside him.

“It’s really nice to meet you.” Andrea smiled, and this time, when Gabriel stuck out his hand to shake TK’s, he hung on for longer.

“It’s a pleasure.” It was a little scary, how his father and TK seemed to be having a silent conversation with their hands clasped tightly, before they finally let go.

“You know, we’re having a family dinner this weekend.” Andrea pitched in as she looked at them both, eyes twinkling with nothing but familial affection. Carlos immediately understood what wasn’t being said, and smiled. He turned to TK, who was already looking at him and squeezed his hand.

“Only if you want to come.” TK’s smile softened at that, and turned to give Andrea and Gabriel a charming smile. Carlos hid his own smile when he saw that his mother was instantly charmed, and honestly, it might be a Reyes thing, to be immediately affected by TK’s everything.

“I would love to.”

“Wonderful! That settles it then, we’ll let you two off. We can talk more this weekend.” Andrea grinned, before fixing Carlos with a look, telling him that they would definitely be sitting down sooner than that, much to his wary amusement. He hugged both his parents, longer than usual this time, before they waved them off.

It had been a long time, since he felt this free.

“Hey Carlos?”

Carlos turned to TK, who was looking at him with overwhelming emotion swimming in his gaze, making his heart pound loudly in his chest.

“Hm?”

TK lifted a hand to cup his jaw, running his thumb gently across his cheek.

“I’m so proud of you.”

  (On the other side:

“Did you see the way those two looked at each other?” Andrea murmured to her husband quietly, and Gabriel smiled, nodding. TK, the sweet boy, looked like Carlos was the best thing that could have happened in the world and their son had looked at him the same way.

“We really lucked out as parents-in-law, didn’t we?” Gabriel grinned cheekily, and Andrea swatted him lightly.

“You better not say that in front of our son during dinner; we wouldn’t want to send him to an early grave.” )

 .

They didn’t tell his team about the little game they had going on until a little over a year later, and all of them had varying expressions of disbelief on their faces as they stared at the couple, dumbfounded.

“You seriously called him your bro? A homie?” 

“Really? That’s what you took from all that?”

“Sweet home Alaba-“ 

“How does that even play into this?” 

TK shook his head at his friends teasing, rolling his eyes as Marjan nudged him playfully.

“So? What’s this about tossing salads?” Marjan grinned, and TK groaned, pressing a palm to his face in mild embarrassment.

That hadn’t been his finest moment.

“No, I’m curious too. Not only are you tossing salads, but also driving motorcycles? While making sexual puns? Man, I wish I was there.” Paul snickered. They were all supposed to be doing the normal chores around the station, but when Carlos had let it slip about their little game from a year ago, all work had evaporated from their minds in favour of teasing their favourite subject of their clearly fake affections.

“I would give anything to see their parent’s faces when the kids ask them what it meant.” Mateo chipped in, and TK shuddered.

Hopefully they wouldn’t be seeing them anytime soon. So far so good, considering it had been a year.

“So? Which one was your favourite?” Judd asked, not even bothering to pretend he was cleaning as he leaned against a table, his arms crossed loosely.

“My what favourite?”

“Which role-play did you enjoy the most?” Judd clarified with a smirk, and TK threw a washcloth at him without missing a beat, scowling as they all laughed.

“You guys all suck.”

There was a pause, where they eagerly waited for him to answer.

“There was no favourite, per say.” TK hummed finally, an unconscious smile on his lips as the memories took him back. In truth, he had suggested the game for a reason he couldn’t quite explain himself. But when he sat on Carlos’ counter, watching him cook dinner from his failed attempt at buying groceries, remembering what they had talked about just weeks before that…it had been a spontaneous thought. He hadn’t delved too deep into it, other than how fun it was to rile each other up.

“How about my fiancé?” 

TK stilled. The entire station had suddenly quieted, and looking up, he noticed all his friends were wide-eyed as they looked at something behind him. He saw his dad peeking down from the balcony, a knowing shine in his eyes, and slowly turned around.

Carlos stood there, a flicker of nervousness passing through his gaze. One of his hands reached into his pants pocket, and TK felt his eyes widening further as Carlos dropped to one knee, in front of the entire station. 

Oh my god.

He could barely hear what Carlos was saying during his speech as he clutched a ring box, his senses filled with the image of his boyfriend – soon to be fiancé – kneeling down in front of him with a hopeful look in his eyes, lifting the opened ring box a little higher as if the ‘yes’ wasn’t already threatening to spill out of TK’s lips.

“TK?” Carlos looked concerned now, and he realized that he was just staring at him, jaw dropped in shock, any words he was trying to say coming out in strangled sounds. Clearly, his words were failing him at the moment, so he pulled Carlos off of the floor, nodding furiously as his vision blurred. But even through the blurry haze, he could see Carlos’ beaming smile clear as day.

He watched, mesmerized, as Carlos slowly slipped the ring onto his finger, and he was distantly aware that there was a lot of screaming going on behind him, the majority of it coming from his crew. When he felt his voice starting to work again, he pulled Carlos into a tight hug, pulling back only to scowl at him playfully, smacking his shoulder.

“You idiot.” TK’s voice shook with emotion as he looked down at the shiny new addition to his left ring finger, before looking at Carlos again, eyes warm with fondness and slight exasperation. 

“You couldn’t have waited until I had your ring with me?” 

 (He dropped onto one knee later that night, in the middle of dinner, and TK would never forget the beautiful watery smile that graced Carlos’ lips in response as another ‘yes’ resounded through the air)

 .

“Wow, look at him! That was so cool!”

Carlos turned his gaze from TK who was responding to Paul’s high-five at the server ace to see two kids staring at his husband in awe.

“They’re really Austin’s finest for a reason, huh.” One of them noted cheerfully, before furrowing his eyebrows when he spotted something on TK’s back.

“Aww, they only put last names on their shirts…” He trailed off, and Carlos hid a smile behind the palm of his hand.

“Excuse me?”

Carlos looked up, giving the two kids a warm smile.

“Yes?”

One of the boys pointed to TK, or more specifically, the Strand-Reyes embroidered proudly on the back of his number ’20’ jersey.

“Do you know who that is?”

Carlos’ smile turned into a grin, “Yeah, I know who that is.” He turned slightly so the boys could see his own jersey, watching as their eyes widened in awe.

“He’s my husband.”

Extra scene:

“At some point you’re going to have to blink, Carlos.” 

Carlos turned to see Owen, his father-in-law for the past three hours, 43 minutes, and 22 seconds smiling at him warmly. He turned back to where TK was laughing with his parents, his father clapping him on the back at something he said. 

“He’s my husband,” Carlos’ heart swelled with love for the man standing a little way away from him for the millionth time that day, “I don’t plan on missing a single second of this.”

[anika-ann]

A Matter of Trust

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader    Word count: 5470 (oops)

Summary: You and Steve get to go to a mission together after a while; free drinks, partying, dressing-up nicely, stealing blueprints, the usual. You might even enjoy this as a couple.

Or… not really. Of course something would go awry. What else did you expect when wearing these killer heels anyway?

A/N: Written for or @wkemeup​’s 4k writing challenge; congratulations! Well-deserved, no arguing here; shall the number continue to grow ;) Thank you for letting me participate!

Prompt: “Get in the closet, now!” (bold in the text)

Warnings: suggestive language, mentions of a kink, objectification, gun violence (brief), swearing (always), attempt at humour, fluff…?

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In your whole history as an operative of S.H.I.E.L.D. slash Avenger, time had never dragged so slowly as it did at this party.

Not even Steve’s presence cheered you up, mostly because he was busying himself with being everyone’s company but yours despite you two coming here together. For a mission. To work, you reminded yourself.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t been there for the plan-making which had resulted in mutual agreement of Steve falling into the role of an honourable man whose infamous good nature prevented him from saying no to anyone who asked for a moment with him even if it meant leaving you alone. Which you supposedly mind, because you were here with him only to sneak in here and possibly get your five minutes of glory if he stood by your side long enough

And that was only an act for people who would have noticed you had arrived together.

For the others, you simply attended the party – a known cover-up for a place of business in arms-deal among the powerful men of the underground world – to have fun and seduce some rich businessman.

Sipping from the very same glass of champagne you had helped yourself with about an hour ago, you scanned the room in the search for the big boss. No, not Steve, but the man of the hour, the one whose blueprints you were meant to steal. The blueprints of a potentially large bomb that could kill tens of thousands if it went kaboom and released the nanoparticles of a dangerous virus to the air.

Lovely. Someone clearly had too much time on their hands coming up with crap like that only to make your life miserable.

“What’s a gorgeous lady like yourself doing at this party alone?” a velvety voice interrupted your dark musing and you vainly tried to cover the shudder running down your spine, cursing at the heat curling in your stomach.

Was this how he was talking to all the women who were throwing themselves at him tonight? Probably.

Had you been through that before? Yes.

Had you expected it to happen tonight? Sadly, yeah.

Was it bothering you? Hell the fuck yeah, even if you knew it shouldn’t and that it didn’t mean anything but Steve doing his job right.

You cursed mentally at your weakness and sighed out loud, spinning around to face the man.

“Waiting for a bulky blond supersoldier to come save her, naturally,” you hissed back, hating yourself for letting your jealously get the better of you.

Steve had never ever made you as much as doubt that you were the one for him, but that green bitch of an emotion still intruded on you tonight. You blamed the upcoming visit from aunt flow and the rush of hormones arriving with it and the fact you were itching to leave and go home just for getting rid of those ridiculously high heels alone.

You usually enjoyed wearing high heels, they gave you confidence as gazes of many men and women followed you, but the stilettos you had got chosen tonight could be used as murder weapon.

Ha, maybe you could try and sell them here, you’d make a fortune!

A frown appeared on Steve’s face, one of curiosity, regret and surprise when he registered your irritated tone.

“What’s wrong?” he demanded quietly, whispering to your ear intimately, only making the situation worse.

“You shouldn’t be talking to me, Captain Rogers. You’ll blow it.”

His eyebrow jumped ridiculously high and you realized what you said; you groaned both at his cheekiness and your stupidity.

“Blow our cover. Get your mind out of the gutter…” you muttered, putting some distance between the two of you for the sake of the cover.

“Maybe I’m feeling a bit reckless tonight,” he hummed back, his large palm resting on your lower back and you had to take a moment to swallow the blissful groan at his gesture. You loved his hands and the heels were not only killing your feet, but also you back, and the warmth radiating from his skin felt like heaven. “But seriously, are you okay?”

“You could have asked through the comm.”

“I wanted to check up on you personally.  So?” he insisted and you couldn’t but sigh again, finishing your glass of champagne when you spotted Wagner, aka your target. You stepped away from Steve.

“Just tired. Want this to be over with. Go mingle, Steven.”

Pausing when you took a note of the harshness in your tone, you found his concerned gaze over your shoulder, whispering as softly as you could: “Thank you for your concern… Captain.”

You caught a glimpse of his discreet lopsided smile before turning away fully.

As you walked into the crowd, your long crimson dress curled around your feet with every step due to the provocative – read practical – slit ending mid-thigh. You hoped that the memory of watching you go would occupy his brain for some time while he talked to the flocks of both male and female admirers.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━ 

Two hours. It took you another two hours to ensure you’d be safe sneaking into the Wagner’s office slash bedroom.

Of course his bureau would be his bedroom; men like him knew nothing about good old sleep hygiene, because the thought of their money distracted them from the evil they were doing to the world and had them sleeping like babies.

Using the key-card you had snatched about three minutes ago, you easily entered the over-decorated room.

Looks like someone’s compensating for something, you noted mentally, not losing any time and activating the no-prints mode on your gloves; one of the perks of working with Tony Stark. You were wearing the nanotech the whole evening and no one had a clue, because the particles were imitating your skin. You’d leave a print on the glass of champagne if you wanted; if you planned on rummaging someone else’s office, leaving a trace was a different case and you wouldn’t take any risks.

Systematically starting on the right from the door and working your way through everything that looked even remotely like a possible hideout, you didn’t forget to gingerly place your palm over the wall-length closet so Friday could run scans.

God, you loved that Tony Stark was on the side of the angels despite not quite being one himself; according to him at least.

“No signs of anything else than overpriced shirts, tuxedos and sets for dom-sub play,” the AI announced, barely audible, and you cringed. Not what you needed to know. “Cuffs are men’s size. Dominatrix set for a wom-“

“Enough, enough! Gee, Friday…” you muttered under your breath, not liking the visual of Wagner in the middle of enjoying-

Gross.

“No need for that much detail…”

Shaking your head, you moved onto the desk; an obvious, perhaps too obvious choice, which was why you wouldn’t place your bet on it. But hey, you could never be sure enough until you checked.

The sudden noise on your right had you drawing your gun at instant, your pulse skyrocketing.

The first thing you saw was a large frame of the newcomer and neatly combed blond hair. Your shoulders slumped.

Steve raised his hands as he moved from the doorway to stand inside, his face visibly relaxing at the sight of you searching another man’s desk.

The door clicked shut behind him and you forced yourself to breathe in, shoving your gun back to the holster placed on your covered thigh.

“Jesus, Steve!” you whisper-yelled exasperatedly and resumed your inspection, paying him no mind anymore. You had more important things to do at the moment; not that you wouldn’t do him; Steve in a tux was sight to behold, like hold onto THAT, literally get your hands on it, but you were here for a job.

“You weren’t responding!” Steve replied in the same manner, causing you to freeze.

He had been trying to contact you? And you couldn’t hear him? But-

“Oh,” you let out intelligently, doing the math easily. “He must have some sort of a jammer in here, makes sense.”

“Uh-huh.”

“But I’m fine,” you stated, shutting one drawer, opening another. “How did you even ge– never mind. You should go-“

“Don’t wanna cloooose my eyeees!”

The distant howl-like shout from the hall turned your blood into ice, your eyes widening.

You had studied Wagner the whole evening; you’d recognize his voice anywhere, even when he was singing ‘I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing’ out of tune.

“-before THAT happens! Shit!”

As you pulled out your phone, the live-feed from the camera in the hall offered you a marvellous view.

Two gorilla-men were dragging Wagner towards his room as his feet barely kept him standing. Gorilla number three was walking behind them just in case that their boss’ face decided to meet the floor despite the support offered to him.

Shit, shit, SHIT-

Closing the drawer you were currently scouring, lips pressed into a tight line, you eyed Steve; he was already bracing himself for the fight, caught in the middle of the process of discarding the jacket to have wider range of movements.

You whined internally – firstly, what a sight, it would always make you weak in knees no matter what. Secondly, if this was to end in a fight, the chances were that you’d make it out without the plans and you had spent the night in those killer heels for nothing.

Oh no, you don’t-

“Cause I’d miss ya’ BABY—I don’t wanna miss a THIIIIING!”

Scanning the room once more, your mind running hundred miles a minute, your gaze fell on the huge-ass closet of which contents you had learned more than you’d like to.

Your lips parted in surprise at the plan forming in your own head.

This is a terrible idea.

It’s yours!

Exactly.

Yeah, okay, fair enough-

NO TIME TO COME UP WITH A BETTER ONE-

Steve was kind enough to follow when you grabbed his arm and pulled him from his spot in the middle of the room, though he did shoot you an utterly confused look.

You met his eyes and gulped when the singing approached the room way too quickly to your liking.

“STILL MISS YA’ BABY–“

“I need you to trust me now,” you pleaded in hushed tone, seeing Steve’s pupils go wide, covering the somewhat always warm blue of his irises.

“With what?”

Well, he asked for it.

“Get in the closet, now!”

A second of shocked silence followed your request before his brain made the connection and a scowl twisted his handsome face.

“What? No! I’m not leaving you alone to face them!” he raised his voice minutely and you covered his mouth to remind him that there were ears present, inching closer with each second passing.

“DON’T WANNA FAAAAALL ASLEEEEEEP-!”

“That’s exactly what you’ll do! That’s easier to play off.”

Steve very much not agreed if his eyes flashing with anger were anything to go by. His hand pushed yours away as he towered over you.

“I’m not leaving-“

“Look at the gorillas, Steve!” you shoved the phone to his face, unlocking the closet and throwing its door open. “One word from them to the rest of security and we’re screwed. Get in!”  

Something between a whine, a groan and a growl – neither of those sounds sexy given the circumstances – escaped his lips and you assumed he had to admit to himself that you were right.

Taking a mental note of his resistance diminishing, you easily pushed him towards the limited dark space.

“CAUSE EEEEEVEN WHEN I DREAM OF YOOOOOOOU- THE SWEETEST DREAM WILL NEEEVER DOOOOOO-“

“We can still play it off toge-“ he tried to protest one more time but you pushed against his chest adamantly.

“And say what? This isn’t what it looks like? We just happened to choose your office to get freaky? I’ll handle it. Trust me.”

Steve gave you his unfairly disarming pleading look, his puppy eyesTM, but backed into the closet without another word, clutching his previously stripped jacket to his chest, because he did trust you.

Fingers on the handle, you hesitated when you realized what could ruin the charade you came up with and planned on pulling off.

Swallowing hard at the terrible idea, you gave Steve a tiny encouraging smile as you drew your gun and three knives from your leg holster/sheath and pressed it to his hands.

“Hold these for me.”

Swiftly closing the door, the last thing you saw was the horror on his face.

As the door swung open and you spun on your heels, he had no chance to react.

The loud song which had been reaching your ears for seemingly endless time died on Wagner’s lips and the third extra gorilla of a man behind him instantly pulled out his gun.

And aimed it right at your face. While you had nothing to defend yourself but your bare hands.

Yay.

“Who are you?!” he thundered and like a charm, Wagner stood straight so the other two guards could have you at gunpoint as well.

Yet, what sent an unpleasant shiver through you was Wagner’s sleazy eyes travelling from your killer heels to your ankles, up to your partly exposed thigh, your waist and finally settling on your cleavage, not bothering to make it higher to look into your eyes.

So. He’s a pig. Shocker.

For once, you were grateful. Not that he was supposed to know that.

A sweet innocent smile spread on your lips as you eyed the weapons with what seemed to be almost a satisfaction, you hoped.

“A government agent, of course,” you said, voice pitched just a bit higher than usual. You felt a bit sorry for Steve at the moment; you were well-aware of nearly giving him a heart attack by saying that. “I work with Captain America.” Scratch the ‘nearly’. Poor Steve’s heart. “I was given the task to scour this place… very… thoroughly.”

Your tone husky now, your teeth bit down on your lower lip, your eyes watching Wagner with faked interest. He hypnotized your red lips before shaking his head as if snapping from a haze.

“They told me you’ve been a bad, bad man. I kept my eye on you all evening,” you admitted, not even having to lie.

The following smile you sent his direction was perhaps too predatory, but that could work. For him anyway.

“Who do you work for?!”

The guards were not as easily fooled as their drunk boss apparently; then again, you hadn’t expected them to.  

“Oh. A.R.M.O.R. America-Related Manpower Operatives and Reinforcements.” God bless their hearts if they were going to buy that, seeing you were obviously trying to imitate the SHIEILD acronym. Very poorly. Playing it up, you let a giggle escape you before your expression turned serious, guilty even. “Oh. Probably shouldn’t have said that. It’s only my first time, you see. I finished my training few days ago.”

“Mm… look at ‘dat…” Wagner drawled and nope, it had nothing on the way Steve spoke when his accent peeked through while he was drunk on Asgardian liquor or lust alone.

Not relevant.

Wagner waved off his guard dogs, gesturing to one of them to approach you. “Why don’t we search you first?”

“Make it quick. I have…” you let your eyes trail over Wagner’s body, licking your lips when visibly lingering on his crotch, “more important tasks at hand. I came here for a mission. I’d like it to… finish.”

Two men instantly went to inspect you, patting you from the back, from the front, up and down, way longer and more thoroughly than necessary.

And they found what they were looking for.

One large palm harshly slipped between your thighs and you closed your eyes, willing yourself not to throw up at the pawing.

Gorilla One’s head snapping up to you, he pulled out the only weapon left on you, handing it to his boss and Gorilla Two grabbed your wrists and locked it behind your back, causing you to nearly hiss in pain.

“Oops,” you shrugged instead, burning gaze locked onto the man who was holding both your weapon and your life in his hands.

Your heart was beating frantically in anticipation, your confidence wavering as Wagner inspected the knife.

A slow smile spread on his face, his left eyebrow rising and then he finally, finally burst out laughing.

A confused ‘what’ sounded from behind you as the man’s utterly smashed boss howled in hysterical laughter.

“This—this is GOL-DEN!” he choked out, tossing the item to the very man who had handed it to him.

“It’s a stage-prop,” Gorilla One sighed.

And that it was. Thank you, Natasha Romanoff.

“Oh. So it’s fake.”

“Told you I have more important things at hand… so if—my hands could find some release please…” you asked sweetly over your shoulder. The very next second, you remembered just what was in the closet; and you weren’t thinking Steve. So you switched tactics. “That’s an order, actually. Let. Me. Go.”

“What the agent said, Greg,” Wagner beckoned, still chuckling, a new twinkle appearing in his eye, his face free of mistrust. Gorilla Two, Greg apparently, released your hands with reluctance. You didn’t bother thanking him. “And let her work. Off you go.”

When the gorillas wavered for few moments, you felt your impatience grow along with the pain shooting up your calves. Damn heels.

“Have you not heard your superior? Do I need to teach you some discipline?”

Wagner licked his lips, taking two wobbly steps towards you. It seemed to seal the deal for the guards, because they left the room.

“Someone went out of their way to get you… Must be my birthday then,” he grinned sleazily, his fingers twitching as if he craved to touch you, his hands stopping few inches from your hip. “I’m all  yours, agent. Why don’t you go on with the… thorough inspection?”

Straightening your posture, chin stuck up, you nodded curtly.

“Of course. Sir, I’ll have to ask you to raise your hands to your head. Don’t move otherwise. I’m gonna feel for weapons now.”

“Yes, madam,” he responded breathlessly, but the second you started the process, his hand landed on your hip.

You stopped in your search, locking serious gaze with him. His pupils were blown, eyes dark with lust. His fingers squeezed, his gaze flickering to your mouth as you stood nearly chest to chest.

“Sir, this is highly inappropriate. I’m gonna have to ask you-“

His palm slid to your bottom, fingers digging into the flesh.

You narrowed your eyes, not even having to pretend you didn’t like that. You slapped his hand away, earning a sly grin. He didn’t try again immediately, which you were endlessly grateful for. Instead, he obediently raised his arms so he looked ready to be either searched or crucified.

Oh, you’d gladly.

“Sorry, Agent, I couldn’t help myself. What is such… pretty face like yourself doing in business like this?” he questioned in a husky voice and at that moment, you knew that your time spent around Tony Stark had taken its toll on you, because you simply couldn’t resist that pass.

“Stealing intel from pricks like you,” you mumbled under your breath, giving him just enough time to realize something was wrong.

A fraction of second later, the edge of your hand hit his throat, bruising his larynx and causing him to release a shocked huff of air. Kicking his knee next, your elbow met his face. A choked groan escaped his lips and you prayed to god he didn’t truly find his voice to call the guards.

You elbowed him in his right temple for a good measure, incapacitating his other knee so he nearly sunk to the floor. You slipped around him in one swift movement; your arm sneaked around his throat and cut out his airways.

Too stunned, he barely fought you and you felt all tension leave his muscles in no time.

Wagner’s body hit the ground as he slipped through your hands despite your best efforts. You winced at the thud shaking the floor; you quickly giggled loudly, playing it off as a drunken fun-time shenanigans. Just in case the guards were still at the door.

Satisfied and relieved when no one burst in with guns blazing, you walked to the closet, losing those damned stilettos on the way.

As soon as you unlocked the closet, Steve nearly hit you with the door when abruptly leaving the limited space. His eyes scanned you head to toe to find any sign of an injury, the flames in his glare fading only a bit when he found none.

“You almost gave me a heart attack!” he whisper-yelled and despite the circumstances, you couldn’t but giggle, this time from honest amusement as he proved your earlier thoughts right.

There we go…

“Worked, didn’t it? Now help me since you’re here, he’s fucking heavy…”

Steve gave you an incredulous look, one promising a storm coming once you had the time for it, but he went to pick Wagner’s body up without protest.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━ 

Steve was kind enough to have you use the bathroom first, so by the time he emerged – around half past three a.m. – you were already tucked in bed, waiting for him. His feet shuffled against the floor and he seemed utterly spent, as if he had been fighting an army from space.

You had both left the party unharmed; then again, you could imagine that socializing the way he had had to could be as tiring as an alien invasion itself. Also, he had been the one leave Wagner office-bedroom through the window, while you simply walked out of the room, winking at the guards who had indeed stayed by the door.

Steve slipped under the covers and turned off the bedside lamp, the warm light replaced by inviting darkness. Your eyelids felt heavy after the long night and you couldn’t wait to enter the blissful land of sleep.

Having Steve’s arms around you, a pleasant habit of his, you knew you’d be out in no time, but you made the effort to shift further into his embrace, sighing in content and murmuring ‘goodnight’.  

Already halfway out as soon as you closed your eyes, you still registered his arm winding tighter around your waist, his nose pressed to your nape. A deep inhale, then another, warm breath and his lips inching closer with each second.

Pulled out of your slumber, limbs already heavy and yet floaty, half-hearted question left your lips.

“You ‘kay?”

“Uh-huh,” he hummed, his foot wedging between yours to pull you impossibly closer, his exhale long and wavering.

The tremble in it alarmed you, urging you to check up on his expression, on him. Willing your body to move, your heart skipped a startled beat when he wouldn’t let you turn around.

“That didn’t sound-“

His fingers wormed its way under your side laid on the mattress, flexing on the flesh of your waist.

“I’m fine….” Bullshit. “It’s just… you have no idea how hard it was to stay put while listening to all that, do you?”

Eyelashes fluttering in surprise, you took in his words, the subtle taste of fear in them, concern for how your abrupt plan could have easily go awry.

You allowed yourself a few moments before responding, forcing your memories, the images of you helplessly lying pinned to the ground after you saw a building explode – a building with Steve still in it – out of your mind.

“I… I think I can imagine. I’m sorry. I came up with an idea and thought it was for the best,” you whispered.

Honestly, you were still convinced that it had been the best thing to do given the circumstances, but that was momentarily beside the point.

“You literally told him you worked with me. I swear to God- I–“

Hearing the shift in his voice, a different emotion interfering – the pure horror, laced with exasperation – you softened your next words even further, running your fingertips over the back of his hand coaxingly.

Without any real hope, you attempted to turn in his firm embrace; this time, he reluctantly let you, your palms instantly trapping his miserable face.

“Hey. Hey, Steve, it’s fine. We handled it. We’re good. I just remembered Friday told me that he was a kinky bastard-“ Steve nudged you at the word and you fought hard the eye-roll he had coming at that “-and decided to use it.”

“You gave me your weapons and went against him empty-handed– never ever do that again,” he demanded, voice equally pleading and firm. You couldn’t help but nudge him back, because in your line of work, promising that technically equalled lying. “If there is any other option.”

You sighed, understanding all too well how he was feeling, willing to promise the latter to ease his mind. And to erase the worried wrinkles on his forehead. You kissed him there, the tension resolving under your loving gesture.

“Noted. I didn’t do that to get off, to have a high.“ Unlike some people, who seemed to do that sometimes. "I promise.”

“I know you didn’t,” Steve said, having the decency to add an edge of guilt to his voice, your verbal call for hypocrisy not going unnoticed. He kissed your left collarbone, tender and greedy, his lips sliding an inch lower to faintly feel your heartbeat and lingering.

“You know me well,“ you stated, running your fingers through his still damp locks, musing. "It’s… nice. Not as scary as I expected once.”

“Thanks…?” he murmured against your skin unsurely and you chuckled, a tired but oh so content sound.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, heavy-lidded eyes boring into yours, finding your lips with his to deliver a lazy but heartfelt kiss, one you felt reaching your very soul.

Shifting so your head was tucked under his chin, you nestled into the most comfortable position possible and Steve hummed into your hair, once more pulling your body against his, not an inch of space left between you. You melted into his warmth and finally, you felt his muscles fully relax as well.

As you once more walked the fine line of dozing off, a sudden thought caused you to snap your eyes open, your heart skipping a curious beat.

“Steve?” An absent hum was his only response, but encouraged by any reaction at all, you continued, knowing that you wouldn’t fall asleep without having the answer. “When you said it was hard… you weren’t referring to a… certain situation of yours, right? … or were you?”

Even with his body turning rigid, a rock-solid prove he was fully awake, he put effort into sounding sleepy.

“Just go to sleep, woman.”

“…were you?! Do you want me to… do some thorough inspection of y-“ you teased, fascinated, never finishing your thought as Steve’s large palm covered your mouth.

You resisted the urge to release the surprised laugh bubbling in your chest. It wasn’t that you thought Steve’s desire was ridiculous; you were just that amazed that it never came up; a true wonder given your line of work.

Momentarily incapacitated, you didn’t speak, but grazed your teeth over his palm so he would release you.

“Hush!”

“ ’khay-“ You muttered and he removed his palm, sleepy blue watching you in warning. You strained your neck to kiss the previously teased skin of his hand. “We’ll explore that another time. I’m beat. Still love you. Goodnight.”

With that, you curled back into his body, feeling the wide expand of his chest followed by an exasperated puff.

“Goodnight, you maniac. I love you too.”

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━ 

Pins and needles in your toes ripped you harshly from the dreamland and you groaned quietly, rescuing your foot from the vice created by Steve’s own.

Shared sleep was blissful, releasing endorphins, the feelings of comfort and safety it provided irreplaceable and all that, but having your limb pinned to the mattress by a supersoldier was no joke.

You checked the clock on the nightstand; 8:27 AM. Sparing a glance at the man sleeping beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist, palm sprawled over our abdomen, you smiled despite the early hour.

Any other morning, you would have shaken off the cramp and scooted over to get even closer to Steve; however, determined to do something nice for him and make sure he was alright with what he had clearly considered an irresponsible stunt of yours yesterday, you thanked heavens for the unexpected get-up call and planned on wiggling out of Steve’s grasp.

“Where ya’ goin’?” he mumbled sleepily, the inches you had managed to put between your bodies erased as his arm pulled you back, his nose nuzzling your hair with a sigh.

“Bathroom,” you lied easily, lightly patting his forearm. “We’ve barely slept for five hours. You still have thirty minutes till your usual start of the post-mission day, you crazy-ass lark. I’ll be right back.”

“Mm-hmm… I’ll be waitin’.”

Chuckling silently, you freed yourself fully, this time without his protests.

“I’m sure you will, Steve,” you whispered, your smile widening when only ten seconds later, your words were followed by his quiet snort.

Grabbing one of Steve’s hoodies thrown over the backrest of a chair and sliding into it, you made your way to the communal kitchen instead. Your mission was to make Steve breakfast, secretly hoping you could talk him into skipping the usual run today and actually spending a day in bed. You thwarted big bad’s plans yesterday, for god’s sake, you both deserved a break…

As a reminder of the past events, a bruise the size of a boot on your thigh – which you didn’t remember getting – stared accusingly at you when you passed a mirror. You inconspicuously pulled the hem of Steve’s hoodie an inch lower in attempt to cover it. Vainly.

Rolling your eyes, you wondered just how nice you needed to be today; Steve had seemed more freaked out than anything else; nevertheless, the anger could come today and you rather if it didn’t.

Deciding pancakes, eggs and bacon were a safe bet, you hummed and opened the fridge.

It was the exact moment something caught you eye, a change in decorum; right above your head on the top of the fridge.

A big fat zero stared at you from the sign you had got Steve a while ago, a memorandum of your first first-hand experience of his utter recklessness on missions. Ever since then, you and the rest of the team made sure to have the board up-to-date, sometimes proudly and sometimes regretfully rewriting the number of ‘days without Steve doing stupid life-threatening shit’.

Now there was a zero. Your jaw went slack, your heartbeat skyrocketing.

It was not the only change on the sign.

Someone, and you had a very good idea who that might be (hint: he was sleeping in your bed), plastered your name over Steve’s.

Your smile froze on your lips and at that moment, you could have been knocked out with a feather.

Unbelievable.

Un-fucking-believable.

Shutting the fridge with a loud thud, bottles in its door clinking, you strode back to your shared room, sputtering curses.

The audacity of him!

When had he even- how had he done– all night— you had woken up before him-!

Forget pancakes, eggs and bacon; snark was on the menu today.

“STEVEEEEEN!”

You heard his laughter before you even reached the bedroom.

Looking at the bright sight of things, Steve being a little shit was a positive shift from his late-night anxiety. A brief smile crossed over your face before you stormed into the room, finding the blond culprit muffling his chuckles in a pillow.

Your pillow.

Jumping to the bed, you grabbed his own and opted to show him just how stupid you could get.

Because trying to take down a supersoldier in a pillow fight? The zero might have to stay on the board for one extra day.

As Steve’s carefree laughter echoed within the walls of your bedroom, filling you with pure joy, you decided you could live with that.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━  ━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

If you’d like to know the origin of the board, I kindly point you towards my S.R. masterlist, specifically to Challenge Accepted…? Fair warning: it has more drama than this one.

Thank you for reading! ❤️

[alltingfinns]

Part 2

John crestfallen at what looks like another sign of Sherlock not caring. Except Sherlock obviously sees it differently, time is of the essence and this is probably not the first kidnapping case he’s seen.

He looked through the fairy tale book probably because it was noticably out of place.

“Anyone can walk in anywhere if they pick the right moment”. So close to Jim’s method.

Oh God. Sherlock telling the John mirror that they’re better off avoiding relationships since at least one attempt involved a master criminal. At this point John is avoiding relationships but will soon enough meet “Mary”. Also worried about his interest in Sherlock who has the air of menace drawn thickly around him.

Did that sentence even make sense?

The modern equivalence to ACD Sherlock knowing the origin of soil samples.

“Thank you John” “Actually I’m just his mirror”

Keeping a sharp eye on John so the mistake seems more psychological than visual.

He looks upset when she says she doesn’t count. Just because he doesn’t like her romantically it doesn’t mean he doesn’t value her as a friend. He’s just really bad at valuing his friends. But also she might be so long gone on him that his lack of reciprocation is seen as an all out rejection.

Oh God the quick shots of the kids eating the poisoned chocolate. That’s my fill of horror for the holiday.

“Not be myself.”

Collar goes down.

I wonder how Jim faked a Sherlock to traumatize the girl.

We know Anderson’s theory on that from TEH, latex perfection.

Sherlock being subjected to the “they’ll think you’re crazy or lying if you say anything” quick show of “I O U”. Also known as the dancing frog effect.

Sally fishing for a reaction because she needs a bit more than a hunch and a screaming child to go on. But keeping it subtle enough that you have to be Sherlock Holmes to fully pick up on it and deduce what she might be thinking.

John being snubbed but it’s like other times. Sherlock is going into danger and needs to keep John out of the firing line. Not the first or last time he pulls this stunt.

Next on fairy tales with Richard Brook: The Story of Sherlock and His Very Bad and Downright Awful Evening.

Wonder if being found with a dead body is going to compound his situation? I mean, obviously he didn’t have a gun and the guy was shot from a distance, but at this point it’s the rumors that matter not the facts.

Been a while since I saw TPLoSH, but wasn’t that the one where dust was part of his filing system?

“Can’t kill an idea”

The breaking point. The wrong conclusion I wrote in the last post. Here it is.

He thinks what would upset John is being duped by Sherlock into liking/praising/admiring him.

I want to write a bigger thing about it, although I can’t imagine that the subject has gone unexplored in the fandom.

Sherlock is the one doubting in this scene. Doubting that John sees him for more than the Persona.

Remove the Persona, and John’s affection goes with it.

But John isn’t just there for the clever man in The Hat. Coat collar up or down, he cares for Sherlock.

The doubt will unfortunately not die here, or The Hat wouldn’t have such a pronounced presence in future episodes.

Are English gingerbread men always that thick? Then again it’s possible we just generally bake them thinner in Sweden, judging from a couple of German cookie cutters I have that doesn’t quite work on the level of thin we usually bake.

John standing up for him throughout this scene while Sherlock just quietly accepts it.

Am I even going to make it to the rooftop?

Both John and Sherlock get such good smash cut scenes in this episode.

“A good friend bails you out of jail, a best friend sits next to you and say ‘We fucked up.’”

The way Lestrade underreacts to the situation is amazing.

Once again on Gun Safety with Sherlock Holmes.

Lestrade’s face in his hands. Sherlock’s very tired dad/babysitter.

“Now people will definitely talk”

Priorities, John!

They’re going to need to coordinate. Good thing that they at least can do that in life or death situations, because they’re terrible with it otherwise.

“A lie that is preferable to the truth.” Also known as every straight Sherlock reading, because people can’t deal with their hero being gay.

Interesting that the guy got shot just as Sherlock lowered his gun. As in after he got the information. He wasn’t shot by one of the others. This is the work of Moriarty’s shooter.

I thought from the look on Sherlock’s face when John mentioned Brook that he had an idea who it was. But apparently not.

So the money was good enough that he’d risk jail time but still not enough that he wouldn’t risk the wrath of his ex-employer, the master criminal, for what she could get him? Sherlock was right on the money in his analysis of her. Not smart or trustworthy, just hungry.

Oh her look of pity to John. Like he’s the one that was duped.

A folder with printouts. That’s her big cache of evidence?

For Christ’s sake, her character in The IT Club is smarter than this!

And to top off her character she does a pathetic repeat of Sherlock’s insult to her and then John brushes her aside.

Wrap up a lie in the truth. There are way too many good lines in this episode.

“If I wasn’t everything that you think I am, that I think I am, would you still help me?”

So close to the actual question he has for John but will never ask.

Mycroft doesn’t actually believe in the key code nonsense, does he? Both Holmes brothers can’t be this blind on matters of cyber security.

This scene was at the end of THoB, which doesn’t have to mean anything timewise, granted. But I sincerely doubt a hypothetical key code was of concern.

Are there any updated versions of M theory around? I think I saw some new idea about Mycroft being in charge rather than Moriarty, but I still get the impression that these scenes happened even if no key code was involved. So why did he really have Moriarty slapped around?

“Moriarty wanted Sherlock destroyed, and you have given him the perfect ammunition.”

Wasn’t there a theory that Mycroft manipulated John into Sherlock’s path because he thought the doctor could save his brother?

Jim used the code to change his identity in the records. You seriously think Kitty checked the records, rather than taking him at his word and printouts?

Even then, Jim has worked with someone who knows what the record keepers like. No need for a magical key code.

Ah yes, about ten characters of binary. The ultimate key code!

“No. Friends protect people.”

People is John.

I personally love coming up with names with hidden meanings, so that’s probably what I would have picked too.

On the one hand he brought back the scary SUDDEN SHOUT he terrified me with in TGG, but on the other hand he used it to say “doofus”.

“Ordinary Sherlock”. This scene must have been fun to act.

Mrs Hudson assuming that John’s back because Sherlock did something clever and made it alright.

“Police! ...sorta”

Sherlock has already set Lazarus in motion, but the possibility of not having to leave John if he can get to Jim has to be explored.

Faked suicide like the bride. I don’t blame Sherlock for not seeing it. He’s running on no sleep, more adrenaline than blood in his veins and someone just seemingly shot himself in front of him. Not to mention the overall pressure he’s under.

The little laugh when he can’t make John doubt him.

Everything’s blurry.

“I researched you”. Subtle slam at Elementary?

Oh God their hands reaching.

“He’s my friend” with his voice breaking

“Say it now.” “I can’t.”

Mrs Hudson outangering John is the levity needed now.

“Stop this.”

Things are blurry again.

Risked being seen just to see John one last time and hear his words.

And I need to wash my face.

I also remembered that Sherlock talked of a lookalike in TEH, but I’m keeping my musing on Sherlock faking for transparency. Also I’m too lazy to go back and edit.

[nofive]

@theseancekid said: 1, 5, 7 :)

[ x - accepting ]

First, thank you for sending these in, like so much. I really had to think about some, because I have so many answers I want to give but I can’t give them all ya know. I gotta honor the meme.

1. What is the biggest headcanon deviation from the canon material that you have incorporated into the way you write your muse? Why did you come up with it?

I think my biggest headcanon deviation deals with Five’s powers ( honestly I’m not sure if this is my biggest deviation because I follow the Five’s DNA is altered stuff from the comics but knowing that Aidan utilizes that in his portrayal of Five and that Steve appreciates the actor’s thoughts on their characters when writing... well is it a deviation then? LOL, Also Five and Luther being twins but shhh this is asking for one thing/the biggest ). But I am not about to state some obvious things that I headcanon such as what Five’s limits are, can he use them in a combative way. My headcanon is actually pulled from canon but the fandom at large has accepted it as a thing and that is the effects that surround Five when he blinks. I largely fall into the category that unless you are Five you cannot hear or see the effects of his Blinks. These being the blue around his hands, and the blue that he hops into, and the sound that the Blink makes.

When his power fizzles out that is when a person who is not Five is likely to see the Blue but the actually have to be looking. Otherwise Five’s powers are not detectable to the human eye. The blue and sound we get from the show are quite simply keys for the audience to know something is happening. If they are there its gonna look like shit. It is purely for us the audience to connect the dots. I pull this from a few instances in which none of the siblings follow where Five is blinking to, they don’t physically have a sense of where he will appear til he is already there. This is notable in the dinner scene, among a few others. None of them have any indication of what Five’s powers are like they just know he disappears and reappears and its fucking annoying because Five uses it so casually.

But we also get a clue that they don’t know the extent of his powers or quite what they do or what they look like until we see the temporal anomaly that Five causes in the first episode of season 1. This is the first time the siblings visually see Five’s powers, until it happens again at the end of season 1. Whether Five can control what is visual or not is not up for debate, the more power he needs like the temporal anomalies he causes the more likely its going to be seen. The initial blinks forward in time are viewed by him as a regular Blink thus small amounts of power used.

Additionally, if Five’s powers were seen and heard he would loose all sense of surprise he has with his powers. In the bank robber scene Five shocks the robber, sure the family is laughing because Five made the guy look like an idiot and honestly this is the shit Five pulls all the time. Its funny when you aren’t the one he’s doing it to. But we see this also with Hazel and Cha Cha they can’t follow his jumps despite being familiar with time travel.

So in short, no one can really see or hear the effects of Five’s powers they are only there for Audience cues.

5. What is an aspect of your muse’s canon material or canon existence that you never had the opportunity to explore but really want to?

Honestly Old Five. And by that I mean Five while at the Commission, both pre and post DNA alteration. I would love to explore how both The Handler and AJ had a hand in that. I would like to explore how that fundamentally changed Five, and what that does to his psyche. I would also like to compare it to Luther, who gets altered before he goes to the moon, where Five gets it after his isolation. Additionally I just want to explore how Five who is well past his prime in his body still has the moves and the ability to create such a reputation. I would also like to discuss how long he is actually there how much it fucks with his sense of time which he is not okay with because of his own acute sense of time. Last but not least I want to explore potential partnerships he had, and just his relationships in general with AJ and The Handler. More, AJ because of his reaction to Five in the show, because there is some history there, but also how that goes with Five’s relationship with him in the comics. 

Smaller things that I want to explore is how Five actually was as a kid because we all know that Five was always “like that” but he also liked baseball, had an interest in space, and cars as a kid so he wasn’t an asshole all of the time, AND I really, really want to explore Five post canon. What he does, does he ditch the uniform, how does he deal with his trauma etc.

7. For movie or TV muses, what is your muse’s favorite scene? Why? Can you show a screenshot?

Alright so my first thought was either the Griddy’s Fight Scene, or the Board Assassinations. Both of these serve very similar purposes narratively despite happening at very different times in the narrative. Both are used to show us just what Five can do and who he is. Both also happen outside the presence of his siblings so they are unaware of what he can cause. However, that’s really where their similarities end. I love both scenes but its not the one that I think is my favorite.

Some runner ups to my favorite scenes are the whole interaction with Old Five and Luther on the bridge with yes the “you wish you could pull off these shorts.” I also greatly enjoy the whole scene at Meritech with Klaus for so many reasons that I wont go into here. I also absolutely adore the Bank Heist scene with my whole heart. Two other honorable mentions are “Nope no it isn’t” with the Handler because I can just hear it in Five’s voice, as well as “It’s bullshit in any language” again with the Handler.

However I think my favorite scene is from season 2, even though I have a love hate relationship with it. But this scene is honestly what I have said ( multiple times ) makes Aidan deserving of an Emmy ( among some of his other scenes but this one in particular stands out to me ), and its the scene right before he rewinds time. While I absolutely love the whole sequence, the acting on Five’s face by Aidan as he is processing the words that Reginald said, as well as summoning the strength to quite literally not bleed out is something that I cannot help but think of. It lives rent free in my mind. So here are some gifs courtesy of @elevenhargreeves​ that showcase this cause a screenshot doesn’t do it justice.

[ofgoodmenarchive]

Blighted Empire: Ch. 4.5

Unbroken

Since spotting Dorian's ghoulish cast from across the battlefield, Evallan's thoughts had not stopped reeling. He'd attempted to console himself, citing the skill and intelligence of the man. However upon sighting the freakish anomaly, he'd known Dorian could not succeed on his own. The Tevinter was cunning and gifted with a surprising dexterity but had not the experience to survive the encounter.

  We must protect him!

The urge overcame him, overcame everything. Lightbringer did not protest- if anything she understood with perfect clarity. Dorian Pavus was not clan but he was treasured as much by her wielder. As an entity devoted to the protection of family and kin, she could not watch him fall anymore than Evallan could.

At least his suspicion was confirmed; she had no intention of abandoning Dorian the previous day, only meaning to tease him over his panic for the man.

So they sprinted, two beings with one goal. By the time he reached the line, magic fizzled around him with erratic fury and no one in the huddle dared reject his command. They probably thought he meant to do something of more significance than rescue the foolish Tevinter.

  “Let me through!”

The river of red-stained shields parted then clanged shut behind him. Embodying a blizzard, he ripped across the field, encasing the world in ice as he went. His vision blurred to the point of leaving him sightless yet he found no need for eyes. Senses reduced to textures and frequencies, the Deep Roads existed as a map drawn onto his consciousness.

His focus centred on two heartbeats; the first inhumanely slow and deep, almost dead, the other was quickened from panic but still with a signature he recognised.

  Dorian.

Evallan moved with enough urgency he almost startled himself when confronted by the bristling aura of the aberration, a foreboding stain upon the canvas of life.

  Kill it! Kill it now!

The order still hung in his mind when the thing was petrified and imploded into the tiniest fragments. He would have laughed in discomfort at the absurd efficiency if he were not so strangled by concern, refusing to stop for breathe until Dorian confirmed his health.

His thoughts may have calmed in their reeling then, if the fool hadn't-

Evallan could not repeat it to himself.

Embarrassment towards his actions and appearance melted into satisfaction, terror into hunger. He could dance around his emotions all day but not when Dorian Pavus gave of himself so willingly.

  The nerve of the shem!- He must have known.

Known that Evallan's carefully-constructed veneer of restraint was thin and riddled in vulnerabilities. Known he would have no choice but to embrace him- it was not a choice to him.

  If a key is made for a lock, it will turn.

However the most scandalous knowledge Dorian had somehow obtained was the location of his lost birthright, pressed to Evallan's ribs all along.

  Yet you did not take it, you did not confront me. You chose to -

  I really cannot say I understand the way you think either, Dorian Pavus.

Nor could he bring himself to vocalise any of these musings. He was achingly aware of Dorian studying him, calculating but somehow not unkind.

With a steadying inhale, he glanced at the caved-in tunnel and renewed his efforts to meet the man's gaze- a challenge to be sure.

  “I am sorry about your friend...You are alright?” Perhaps he would not wish to discuss the amulet, considering the fate of Elias Caladrius.

  “Oh, I'm fine I suppose, I just...” He started a little hoarsely and had to clear his throat. “He always wanted to be a Warden, but I never imagined it would actually happen. Or if it did, certainly not like this.”

  “I know it is little consolation, especially as it is yet to be seen if he will survive,” He eased as he talked, thinking they might evade other topics. “But the Wardens are in need of recruits like him- capable mages who are good at following direction.”

  “Nothing like you, then,” Dorian joked freely, affectionately. “You do whatever you please.”

Evallan felt the corner of his mouth quirk into a smile, unable to prevent it.

  “And yet my place should be with them.” He answered casually, only realising the gravity of his statement when Dorian perked a brow in alarm.

  “You want  to be a Warden?”

  “No, not truly- that would be foolish, no?” He relented beneath the worrisome expression. “But they do not fear me. They would utilise my abilities to their fullest. They would not poke and prod when something escapes their understanding...”

The Tevinter nodded in slow comprehension but his features soon became pensive, a knowing curve playing along his lips. Evallan had to look away once more, unable to withstand the invitation he read in that smile, knowing he could not refuse it.

  “The Wardens aren't really what we should discuss, Evallan.” He said it softly but with obvious meaning.

He sighed, still refusing to view the man's face.

  “You wish to speak of that now?” He mumbled more coldly than intended.

  “I think I'd rather that than worry over my friend, yes.” His reply seemed sincere. Evallan had to submit with another weary sigh.

  “As you say...” He struggled to make his voice audible as he fished into his robes. “I believe this is yours...”

Tarnished gold swayed from his trembling digits though he did not extend- and Dorian made no motion to claim the birthright. This reassured him somehow, though he couldn't explain why.

  “How did it come into your possession, then?” He pressed- but gently.

  “When I hit you-” Evallan fumbled with the words, eyes on the ground. “It was dropped...I had knelt over it without meaning to. I took it without knowing what it was- at first...”

  “Why didn't you simply return it, Evallan?” Dorian's pitch heightened, both incredulous and sympathetic.

  “You were correct in your assessment,” He laughed brokenly, rubbing his eyes so they would not shed. “I am a coward. I could not face you...I wished for Amrallan to deliver it, but he refused.”

  “Amrallan knew?” Dorian chuckled. “Well, that explains him being so cheerful when he saw me outside your aravel..”

  “Yes, he...understood the situation. We could never hide anything from the other,” Speaking of his brother quelled his nerves, nostalgia blanketing him. “Our mother always said it was a mistake of the gods we were not born together.”

Dorian allowed him to linger on the memory, not pushing him for more but merely watching in respectful quiet. Given time to balance himself, he continued with more strength.

  “He told me I could return it to you, or hold onto it and let it drive me mad...so that is what I did.”

  “But for so long?” Though he still could not look, Evallan heard the confusion. “You could have just...hidden it in my room, or something?”

This would be more difficult to convey. Indeed he wished he could skirt it entirely, the way he did all his emotions. He knew that was no longer an option- Dorian Pavus was owed more than that.

In truth he was owed more than Evallan could ever give.

  “At first...I was simply a coward,” He wrestled with each syllable, forcing them into the light. “But it...became something that helped me survive. A reminder.”

  “A reminder? Of what?” Dorian's voice cracked.

Evallan had to meditate carefully upon his answer, needing to conceptualise feelings and ideas he'd never had to verbalise.

  “One of the last things my brother did was to refuse the amulet. Not long after, he died to protect our clan- to protect me, because of what I represent.” He sucked in air painfully, the grief left unvoiced for years oozed from him like infection from a wound. Pressure that must be released, but that agonised him to do so.

  “I watched their bodies burn with your birthright around my neck. Whenever I looked at it, I would feel guilt, and imagine them.”

  “It was all you had left of him.” Dorian uttered suddenly, voice as melancholic as Evallan felt.

  “It was.” He choked back a sob, transformed it into a bitter laugh- more like a bark. “But soon it was not him I imagined, or my family. It...was you.”

Finally he mustered the courage to make visual contact with the Tevinter; grey eyes full of wonder and heat, sparking with hints of the amber light of The Deep Roads, for now rendered speechless by Evallan's admittance.

  “I imagined a world where I returned this to you, and you...” Speech fizzled in his throat but Evallan knew he had to persevere, the rest leaving him in a hush. “Would recognise me as yours along with it...And so, you see...when we finally met, I could not let go of this imagining.”

Dorian's features softened, a sadness to his gaze. Yet somehow still welcoming- even without a smile.

  “You don't have to imagine that, Evallan.” He said this just as softly and it took everything within himself not to break right then, into a thousand shards, like one of his own spells.

  “Yes, I do.” His voice wavered, he felt so drained, breaking eye contact once more. “I am the Keeper of the Lavellan Clan.”

  “You wouldn't be the only Lavellan involved with a shem- or a Tevinter.”

  “It is not the same.” He shook his head, fingers tightening around the chain he still held. “Lightbringer and I are all that remains of the heart of our clan. My life must be a service to others- to those who sacrificed themselves so I could fulfil my purpose.”

  “And there's no room for anything else- why?” Dorian was incensed, though clearly attempted to reign himself in. “All because of some spirit? You have to live at the whim of others for the rest of your days because- because she chose you when you were- how old even were you?”

  “Ten.” Evallan replied, flat.

  “Ten?!” The Tevinter gave way to unhinged chuckles. “So a spirit took a liking to you when you weren't even old enough to piss straight and that should decide your whole life!?”

  “Yes.” He replied again, still flat.

  “Evallan,” He chortled deliriously. “That's insane, you must see how insane that is- at the very least, it is quite cruel.”

  “It may have been different, if it were not for the Blight,” He murmured, shrugging. “As things are, I am a symbol my people must feel they can rely on.”

  “But you're a person!”

  “To you, I am a person,” He ground out, becoming impatient. “To them, to Thedas, I must strive to be more. I must embody them, their faith in me, their lack of it- all of it.”

This silenced him, though Evallan lacked the nerve to truly witness how it was received- he could not bear to look into Dorian's face and see disappointment or grief. Instead watching the amulet swing near his breast- he had to ask.

  “You saw this when we fell, but you did not take it...”

There was a pause. Then, full of impassioned stubbornness-

  “You can't think of anything I might value more than some silly little amulet!?”

He froze, staring at the gold etchings and nothing else.

  “I have a duty to my clan.” He stated with as much conviction as he was capable of- which in that moment, was very little.

  “And I to my country,” Dorian countered, undeterred. “But don't you think it's possible that we could also have a duty to each other?”

He recalled Titus Ahriman and the blighted oath he'd insisted on swearing to the Lavellan Clan, to Fila.

  You all act as though it is so simple.

  As though every expectation can be overthrown- for what?

  For a simple feeling?

  I envy you that freedom.

  “I would like to believe that.” He rasped after some time.

  “But you don't.” Dorian stated it as a matter-of-fact and Evallan could give no reply.

  To say I believe is a betrayal of my duties.

  To say I do not is a lie to you.

  And I grow so weary of lying to you, Dorian Pavus.

He thrust the amulet into the chest of its rightful owner, grimly announcing;

  “It does not matter what I believe.”

Dorian was briefly wordless, then-

  “No- I don't want it.”

  “What?!” Evallan snapped his posture to actually behold the Tevinter, staring at him in bafflement that tilted towards outrage. What did he mean, he did not want it?!

Of course Dorian Pavus was quite amused and even satisfied by this, smiling pleasantly.

  “If it's all you'll have of me, I'd rather you kept it.”

  “Dorian-”

  “I mean it, Evallan! I want you to hold onto it!” He interrupted, laughing cheerfully. “It's probably brought you more luck than it ever has me! You'll be going back to Tevinter anyway, won't you? You'll be taking it home for me! And when the Archdemon is slain, you'll return it, and I'll carry it home for good.”

There was much he wanted to say; that this was not some whimsical bedtime story exchanged in the dark, that this gesture ultimately meant nothing, that this stupid thing had haunted him for almost half his lifetime and all he desired was the fool to free him of it!

But lost for words, all he could manage was;

  “I cannot...” While lamely attempting to empty his hands into Dorian's.

  “Alright, well...” The man peered down at his newfound burden, pondering. “...I'll just toss it, then!”

  “What?!” He had no control over how shrill his voice became.

  “Well, it hardly has any value to me!- Especially without a country to go back to!” Dorian guffawed and sauntered some distance, amulet dangling precariously, headed for an edge where stone gave way to endless void.

  “Something tells me this will hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me, so-”

An image of the demonic figment from his Harrowing imposed itself upon the world. Evallan's heart caught in his throat and his chest constricted. Unconscious of himself, he sprang and snatched.

  “Give it!” He hissed, vehement, and was overjoyed and shamefully comforted when instead of taunting or hurdling it away, the real Dorian allowed the metal coils to slip onto his fingers with a heart-warming chuckle.

  “So we're agreed!” He announced brightly. “You'll hold onto it for me!”

Clutching the object for dear life, he practically smothered it against his chest while scowling at the man- who did not seem even slightly unnerved in response.

  “Until the Archdemon is slain.” He grumbled, looping the birthright carefully around his neck and beneath his robes, where it had rested for a lonely decade.

  “I'd say you can wear it on the outside of your robes now, but I know you won't.” Dorian observed with feigned humour- Evallan could hear the bitterness there.

  “I must report to Marcus.” He decided, ignoring the rest, avoiding his gaze. “And you must see to your injuries.”

Evallan marched for his destination without another word, never looking back.

Deep within himself, he cried out against the impenetrable darkness.

READ MORE ON AO3

[famedexclusivearchive]

[ARTICLE] BC, DIMENSIONS, AND GOLD STAR RUMORED TO HOST SECOND JOINT STAFF RETREAT

Industry sources have revealed that BC Entertainment, Dimensions Entertainment, and Gold Star Media are hosting a second annual joint retreat and workshop. The three companies previously held a joint retreat last June in Hawaii and insiders claim the companies are looking within Korea this year. Though the exact location and the exact dates of the retreat could not be confirmed, sources state the location was suggested by both Gold Star CEO Bang Sunyoung and Dimensions Entertainment creative director Choi Dongwook, though none of the company executives will be able to attend the retreat themselves this year. 

EVENT INFORMATION:

After the success of last year’s retreat in Hawaii, all idols and key staff members from the three companies have been invited on a joint retreat at a healing and wellness resort in the mountains of Gangwon Province, South Korea! All idols will leave by bus from Seoul on the morning of June 19 and the trip to the resort will take approximately two hours. There will be six buses total, with three buses reserved for the idols to travel in. Idols will be sorted onto buses by arrival time, so they may not be on the same bus as their group mates or label mates.

Attendance is considered mandatory, so if there’s a reason your muse wouldn’t be able to attend the retreat, please clear it with the admin first.

From the morning of June 19 to the afternoon of June 22, everyone will be staying at a resort nestled in the mountains of Gangwon. Idols will be sleeping in suites of three people to a room. Roommates will be chosen by random card draw, so idols may end up sharing with people they don’t know, though all roommates will be same-sex and idols will only room with other idols, not staff. Roommates can be plotted among muns as long as no more than two members of the same group are in the same room. There will be three full-size beds to a room. Room design visuals can be found here, here, and here.

Each night, idols can choose to go on a group hike to go camping in the mountains in tents at an organized camping area if they’d like to sleep in the outdoors instead. Each idol will be limited to doing this only one night out of the trip.

The resort is advertised as a natural and relaxing escape from the rush of everyday life, so the cellphone and internet connection is quite bad though not entirely unavailable. There are no televisions or computers provided on the resort campus and activities available at the resort are focused on practices considered healing and relaxing. The resort does not have room service, but it does have a cafeteria building where personal chefs cook organic, healthy meals curated by expert nutritionists. No alcohol is served at the resort and it is strongly discouraged to drink or smoke on resort property, though it would not be impossible for attendees to smuggle such things in in their luggage.

Visual references of the style of the resort can be found at the following links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15. The campus of the resort also features all of the following spread across several different buildings, which are open 24 hours:

A swimming pool and a thermal pool

A library of books and LP records and a reading area

A sauna

A spa, massage, and meditation center

An indoor flower garden

A water garden

An outdoor terrace with a view of the mountains

A bonfire area

A hammock area

A fitness center with a rock climbing wall

A cafe

A music hall

Organic farming center

Several mountain hiking trails of varying lengths

The following classes are also offered in small groups each day:

Organic home gardening

Cooking

Rock climbing

Yoga / aerial yoga / paddleboard yoga (in pool)

Pilates

Archery

Coffee brewing

Meditation / active meditation / sound meditation

Art (painting, pottery, jewelry making)

The entire resort has been rented out for the trip, so only those associated with BC, Dimensions, or Gold Star will be at the resort during the stay.

Idols will be allowed to explore the resort and its surrounding area at their leisure, but there will also be activities specifically highlighted in activity brochures given to each attendee (including the aforementioned classes as well as hiking and traditional tea ceremonies) alongside mandatory events specific to the companies’ retreat that can be found below. One night and one afternoon of the trip have mandatory company events with an optional group event on an additional night, but idols may explore the area freely the rest of the time. Managers will not be on clock for the trip, but idols will still face punishment if they misbehave in a way that reflects negatively on the company in the presence of resort staff. All currently promoting groups/soloists will have pre-recorded their music show stages before leaving for Gangwon

Everyone will leave in the late afternoon of June 22 by bus back to Seoul following the group picnic.

Idols are not allowed to post to social media about the retreat until the retreat is over to avoid any fans finding their location and attempting to trespass on resort property.

Scheduled Activities Overview: (attendance is mandatory for all *except open mic night* unless muse is injured/ill)

June 19: Bonfire. After everyone has settled into their rooms and had a chance to explore the wellness resort, a bonfire will be held at the bonfire area of the resort. Staff will not be present at the bonfire, as they have another scheduled bonding event. The bonfire won’t be structured, but attendees are welcome to talk, play games, roast food, and other bonfire activities. After the bonfire ends, anyone who would like to take the hike up into the mountains to camp under the stars will be given the opportunity to do so (though this option is available every night).

June 20: Free day/night. 

June 21: Open mic. This activity is optional. Any interested attendees may attend an open mic night to unwind on this night at the music hall. Attendees are free to perform music for the other attendees, read poetry, do comedy, etc. Signing up attend of time is not required, though it is an option. Attendees may team up for duets or group performances with any other attendee if they wish, but no one will be given more than ten minutes on the mic. A baby grand piano, an acoustic guitar, a tambourine, and a recorder will be available for use for musical performances as well as a sound system. Performers shouldn’t do anything too raunchy as they are in mixed company, but as these are private performances for fun and relaxation, they have a lot of freedom. Anyone interested in watching may come and go from the event as they please.

June 22: Picnic. On the last day of the retreat, all attendees will have an outdoor picnic together for lunch before leaving to return to Seoul. Every attendee will be given a lunch basket of fresh foods including meat, rice, vegetables, and fruit prepared by the resort’s personal chefs.

Overall:

In game, this event takes place on from Friday, June 19, to Monday, June 22, but threads and other posts for this event may be started from Sunday, June 7, at 12PM EDT (the time this post goes up), to Saturday, July 4, at 11:59PM EDT. Threads may be continued past the end date, but must be started before then and are no longer eligible for points past the end date. Non-event related interactions may be conducted during this time as well.

NOTE: All posts related to the event should be tagged #fmdwellnessretreat. Remember to use #fmdcall if you want to post a plot or starter call for the event, which I encourage everyone to do if they’d like to!

POINTS AVAILABLE:

As with all events, there are special points up for grabs.

INTERACTIONS: Having an event thread with a starter and at least three replies (starter ▻ partner reply ��▻ op reply  ▻ partner reply) by the end of the event is worth 2 points. This is valid for up to ten threads this time and the threads can take place during any part of the event.

INTERACTIONS: Having an event thread going with someone your muse has never had an interaction with before is worth 1 additional point for each thread.

INTERACTIONS: Posting an open starter for the event is worth 2 points. This counts for up to one open thread starter (not a text/sms post) per character.

PLAYLIST: Making a playlist of seven or more songs matching your muse’s idea of a ‘relaxation’ or a ‘wellness’ playlist is worth 2 points not counting toward your monthly playlist limit.

PROMPT: Upon gathering for the picnic on the final day of the trip, all muses are handed a new simple, bound journal. A resort staff member speaks up when everyone has arrived for the picnic, giving a brief talk on the importance of self-reflection as a part of a “continuing wellness journey”. Everyone is then given half an hour of silence in nature to write the first entry in their newly gifted journal as a self-reflection on their current state and place in life. Completing this prompt in a self-para of 400+ words is worth 3 points not counting toward your monthly self-para limit.

You can also earn the normal amount of points through writing additional self-paras, etc. related to the event!

If anything in this post is unclear or you have any questions, please feel free to contact the admin. Please like this post to let me know you read it!