#that my friends kid literally resorted to staring and creeping closer

[blurred-cat]

my vibe has changed.

the dogs want to be near me so fucking bad they go insane about it now and i'm talking, to levels of pulling their owners along just to get near my hands fucks sake. what. why? and when they finally get to me it's all sniffs and joy. their barking and whining even stops. there's no aggression only YEARNING. please.

and the little kids no longer approach me with enthusiastic screaming, it's turned into curious uh? reverence??? perhaps??? they whisper to me. they stare up at me in wonder. they give me things from their grubby little hands. they absolutely HAVE to tell me something they've been doing today or just did. i say it's good. and they say "thank you" as if i have just bestowed a blessing onto them and i have No Idea What This Shit Means

the teenagers continue to stare at me as if i am the goddamn mothman tho i tell ya what

[peaceoutofthepieces]

chapter 34 (part II)

Fake Making-It

Social Media AU

part I

again, this isn’t proofread, because I literally wrote it all today, so sorry for any mistakes!

~^~

Lucas feels a little lost. He’s been looking around for what feels like hours, and he can’t find Sander. He hasn’t seen Robbe, either, or their friends Moyo and Aaron.

He isn’t sure if he’s looking for Jens.

He finds himself in the dimly lit bathrooms, and he sighs, lifting his beer to his lips and taking a gulp. He moves to the sinks and glances at himself in the mirror, brushing a hand through his curls. It’s a pointless attempt, trying to coerce them back into place. He gives up fairly quickly and takes another drink. His heart has sped up to the slightly uncomfortable rhythm of intoxicated.

For a moment he just stands there, bottle hanging by his side, and takes a few slow breaths. It doesn’t really do anything to steady his heartbeat, but it helps clear his head a little. This is when he finally takes notice of the humming.

He furrows his brows and spins around, eyeing the closed stall in the corner. Listening more intently, he realises the humming is a quiet singing, and he creeps closer to the stall and stares at the door. From here he can make out a few words, but he doesn’t have to to recognise the voice.

“Jens?”

The singing stops.

Lucas waits, and after a moment, he hears the slide of the lock and the door swings open. It reveals Jens curled up in the cramped space, sitting on the closed toilet with his back to one wall and his feet pressed to the other. He has his own beer cradled in his lap, with his other hand still holding the door open, and he’s staring at Lucas.

Lucas purses his lips to stop them from turning up in a smile. “What are you doing?”

Jens is blushing slightly. He shrugs. “There’s more people now. They were staring at me.”

“So you’re hiding, by singing?”

“I didn’t think there was anyone in here,” he grumbles.

Lucas huffs a laugh, smile coming out in full. “Obviously.” He leans against the door of the stall as Jens rolls his eyes, and tilts his head consideringly. “Why didn’t you come get one of us?”

“Didn’t wanna bother you. Couldn’t find Robbe.”

Lucas hums. “I can’t find them either.”

“No Sander?”

“Nope, up and disappeared.”

Jens sniffs. “On Valentine’s Day?”

“It’s after midnight now, so…”

“Still. Shouldn’t have abandoned you.”

Lucas takes a long breath, quiet enough that Jens doesn’t notice, the musician having resorted to staring at the wall again. He doesn’t want to talk about this. He doesn’t want to think about it. Not when Jens is right here. Now when they’re supposed to be giving him a good night. He swallows down his protests and reassurances and instead says, “It’ll be really weird if someone finds you in here.”

“Yeah, but now you’re here.”

“I think that probably makes it weirder,” Lucas points out, smiling again. Jens doesn’t respond, and he sighs, knocking his fist on the stall door before turning on his heel. “Come on.”

He hears Jens scrambling after him with a small sound of protest. “What? I don’t wanna go back out there.”

“So we won’t. Well, we’ll just pass through.”

“Where are we going, then?”

Lucas looks around at him and raises his brows, pushing through the door back out to the bar. “Wherever you want.”

Slowly, Jens smiles.

They weave their way through the crowd, Jens sticking close behind him, so close that Lucas can feel his heat. He’s almost sure Jens actually has a hand curled in the back of his shirt, can feel the knuckles brushing against his spine. He ignores it and leads them to the room they’d left their coats, and Jens releases him to fish out his phone. He messages Robbe, to ask where the hell he is and to tell him they’re leaving. Before he has even hit send, there’s someone calling his name.

Lucas shoots a quick glance in that vague direction and doesn’t see any of their friends. He takes Jens by the wrist and draws him towards the front door, speeding up when more calls come and Jens begins urging him on. Lucas keeps a firm hold on him and gets them to the door. They’re almost running now, and they don’t stop as they burst through the door and start down the street. Beyond that, they’re laughing. Giggling like girls, downright giddy. Lucas is glad they had abandoned their beers in the bar, because by now he’s sure they’d have spilled them all over the street and themselves.

It’s only when they’ve made it onto a new street that they latch onto each other and stop, trying to catch their breath. Instead they catch each other’s eyes and break into laughter again.

Jens lets out an exaggerated ‘woo’ of relief, still clutching at Lucas’s collar. “Nice save,” he approves.

“Oh yeah,” Lucas snorts. He’s still holding onto both of Jens’s arms. “Very well thought out on my end.”

“My knight in shining armour,” Jens mocks, completing it with a small bow. He almost trips as he does so, and it sends them into another fit of giggles as he flounders for Lucas’s hand. Lucas waits until he’s steady, heart hammering, and then quickly lets go.

They take another moment to catch their breaths and look at where they’ve ended up, and then Lucas raises his brows at Jens.

Jens looks back at him and swallows. “There’s a swingset and stuff by the skatepark. It should be dead this late.”

Lucas tucks his hands into the pockets of his coats and nods, finding his lips drawing up in a smile again. “Lead the way.”

They’re quiet as they make their way through the dark streets, still sticking close but no longer touching. Jens scuffs his feet every few steps, and Lucas wonders if he wishes he was skating. It seems, even now, like his preferred method of transport. He picks up the pace, and Lucas does his best to keep up with the other’s longer legs.

They make it to a small park, set up with a kids climbing frame and slide and, as promised, a swingset. Jens makes a beeline directly for it and sits on one of them, tucking his arms around the chains and digging his feet into the ground to start pushing himself back and forth.

For a moment, Lucas simply watches, smiling. He had wondered if Jens was actually taking a day off, giving himself time to chill, but he hadn’t seemed at all relaxed in the bar. Now, however, he does, swinging gently back and forth with his eyes closed and a small smile on his lips, uncaring of Lucas watching him. Then he opens his eyes and meets Lucas’s, and beckons him over with a flick of his hand.

Lucas goes. It takes a moment to get settled comfortably in the swing, and he wishes he’d just worn his denim jacket instead of the long black coat he kept for more formal occasions. He’d watched Jens’s eyes sweep over him at the start of the night, however, and that had reassured him of his choice.

He wraps his hands around the chains and kicks himself into a swinging motion. “This is pretty much exactly like the one Isa used to love at home.”

“Isa?” Jens questions.

“One of my friends from school,” Lucas explains, smiling wider. “We still talk. For some reason she used to think a swingset was a great place for serious conversation.”

Jens huffs, pushing himself to match the speed and height of Lucas’s swings. “Okay. Serious conversation time, then.”

“Oh shit. Walked into that one.”

Jens huffs again, shooting him a grin. “When did you get into designing? Or how?”

“Oh.” This is a much safer topic than Lucas had expected. “I don’t know. I always kind of liked art, but even that, I kept it mostly private, just doodling and stuff where no one would see. I kind of dulled everything about myself down like that. My fashion sense was just as good as yours, which…”

“Hey,” Jens protests, though he’s fighting a smile.

Lucas grins, shrugging. “Then, I don’t know, it didn’t feel like me. So one day I just started fucking around with some of my clothes. I bought this like, multi-pack of kids fabric paint and just went for it. It was a fucking mess.”

Jens laughs, loud and surprised. “But it made you think, hey, I just wanna do this for the rest of my life?”

“God, no,” Lucas snorts, and Jens laughs louder. “But it still felt...good. I made the mess look purposeful and turned it into this paint-splatter, tie-dye, rainbow thing and I wore it the next day and Isa’s friend, Engel, kept asking where I got it and then begged me to make her something when I explained and, I don’t know. Since then I just kind of started, making stuff for my friends, and it spiraled from there.”

“And now here you are,” Jens muses.

“With the biggest celebrity in Antwerp.”

It’s teasing more than it is genuine, and Jens scoffs and twists his swing around to kick at Lucas, resulting in a rough tangle of legs. Jens yelps and grabs onto the chains with his hands when he’s almost tugged from the seat. Lucas tosses his head in a laugh and almost tips backwards. They’re both probably a little bit tipsy. Not drunk, definitely not, but both had clearly been on their way. Jens possibly more so than him.

“How are you?” Lucas thinks to ask. “After everything today. Was the stressing necessary?”

Jens starts swinging again and thinks before shaking his head. “No, probably not. I mean it when I say it’s not why I do it, you know, the whole publicity thing. I didn’t decide I wanted to be a celebrity, I just love making music and I thought how cool it would be if I managed to do it for a living. But then when people actually like it...it feels good, you know? It feels like I’m doing something but also like, I don’t know, I’m understood. Like people like me for what I have to say.”

“Or it could be because you’re hot.”

This startles another laugh out of Jens. “Okay, objectify me some more, why don’t you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Dumbass.” Jens grins.

“Hey, we’re having a serious conversation,” Lucas protests, kicking out at him this time, unable to help grinning back. Jens mimes zipping his lips and Lucas nods approvingly. “When did you realise this is what you wanted to do?”

Jens doesn’t hesitate. “Always. Music is the only thing I ever felt really passionate about, I guess. For the same reason as you. It’s just my version of art that makes me feel like myself.”

Lucas drags his feet against the grass underneath him until he stops swinging. Jens has already stilled, and he turns his head to look at Lucas. “You always do that,” Lucas says. “Say things like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you understand. You say it so confidently. Like you know me.”

“Don’t I?” Jens asks, brow furrowed and still smiling slightly. Before Lucas can answer, he says, “If I don’t, I want to.”

Lucas swallows. His question comes out as a whisper. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” Jens admits.

Lucas sways slightly, looking down at the ground even as he twists his body towards Jens, listening. Jens’s feet creep towards his own as he twists around, too.

“I just want to. I don’t know, I feel like you understand, too. I just like you. I want to know you and I want you to know me.”

It shocks Lucas into looking at him, and it also shocks him into silence.

Jens’s cheeks turn rosy, and Lucas guesses it isn’t from the cold. Jens laughs nervously and slides his feet, accidentally knocking into Lucas’s. “Sorry, that was probably weird. I’m just—I’m not used to getting to know people like you, Lucas, and it just, it feels good. I don’t think there even is anyone else like you.”

Lucas leans forward and kisses him.

It’s soft. Tentative. A drawn-out press of lips, frozen in a drawn-out second in time, all in the single breath caught in Lucas’s throat. Then Jens presses back, raises his hand to cup Lucas’s head, and time jerks back into motion.

Lucas instantly reaches up to grab his face, pulling him in, and Jens’s free hand comes to grip his wrist and hold him in place. Lucas’s heart batters at his ribs, grateful.

He’s not sixteen anymore. He’s had his fair share of kisses. It shouldn’t—usually doesn’t—make him nervous. But this, Jens, is something he doesn’t think he ever could have prepared himself for. Jens is careful and he isn’t. He’s experienced, knows what he’s doing, and yet he takes it easy, waits for Lucas to respond to every move before making another. His kiss is gentle and his grip is tight, lips warm and fingers cold. Lucas is less focused on the tongue in his mouth and more aware of the riot in his stomach, the beat of his pulse in his ears. Kissing Jens is nothing and everything like he expected, as surprising and beautiful as the man himself. Lucas can’t remember why he hasn’t done this before. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t been doing this, kissing Jens, forever. Or at least, since he first saw him.

Then Jens is shoving him away and Lucas almost topples off his swing, breath rushing out of him as his heart plummets.

Jens wipes his mouth and harshly says, “What the fuck?”

Lucas gapes. He tries to speak and only makes a wounded, croaky noise. He clears his throat and licks his lips before managing to ask, “What?”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jens looks furious. Lucas doesn’t understand. “I—did you not want to? But you...you kissed me back.”

Jens laughs, and even that sounds angry. “So it’s my fault. No. Fuck that. Fuck you. Fuck.”

“Jens,” Lucas pleads.

“No, fuck, look. I don’t know, what’s going on with you and Sander but I—no. I won’t do this. Jesus, Lucas, why would you make me do that?”

Oh. Oh fuck. That’s why he’s never done this before.

“Oh, no, Jens, no. You’ve—it’s not what you think, I swear—“

“Whatever you have going on, figure it out, Lucas. But I can’t—I’m not that person. I’m not being that person. After I told you—fuck, I’m not a consolation prize.” Jens stands up abruptly, and Lucas follows, but Jens holds a hand out before he can step any closer. “Don’t,” he says sharply.

They stare at each other in a silent standoff, Lucas feeling his world crumble as he watches the same thing happen to Jens’s resolve. Jens’s hand falls back to his side, and he looks entirely sober now as he gazes at Lucas with glistening eyes.

“I thought we were actually friends,” Jens says, voice trembly. Lucas shakes his head, pleading. “But after everything I said, you’re just like everyone else.”

“Jens, please, just listen to me,” Lucas begs.

He steps closer and Jens steps back. “Why should I?” he demands. “What are you going to say? I don’t want your explanations or excuses, Lucas. I thought you were honest.”

Lucas feels like he’s openly wounded. Bleeding. Surely Jens can see that. Surely he knows that he’s wrong. But Lucas—Lucas can’t tell him. He’d promised. He’d promised his best friend.

“Well?” Jens pushes.

Lucas shakes his head helplessly, and Jens’s expression falls the rest of the way. “Just—can you let me take you home? You shouldn’t be out alone like this.”

Jens laughs, but it’s just a breath. Incredulous. He takes another few steps back, shaking his head. “Don’t. Just—just don’t.” Then he’s turning on his heel and walking away.

Lucas wants to go after him. He should. He knows he should. But he can’t. There’s no point.

There’s nothing he can say.

~^~

tag list: @allthewayornowayy @wedarkacademia @lockerfivethreefive @yellowballoon @gucciboner @nora-keinwitz @moonskam @painfully-oblivious @zoenneforever @akucecilia @hischbabe @evaksobbe @alittleemo @boring-side-effect @franboos @debussyatmidnight

next chapter

[snarkwrites]

FFT: I've Only Been Pretending

Okay, so.. Bare with me while I write about another one of my latest fixations. I know you probably don’t watch Riverdale, but recently, I’ve gotten into it.. Even wrote a lil oneshot [ selfish] that prompted me to think about how Alyssa and Sweet Pea met.

When you sent me this and I knew it was from Les Miserables ( i hope it was at least, either way, the song and lyric fit this so fucking perfect, god bless you for sending me this!) and heard the song again.. I knew I had the perfect way to give some required backstory on that oneshot linked above. SO THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BLACK HEART AND I LOVE YOU.

[ tag list doc ] [ other works related to this ] [ masterlist ]

“Look who wandered over to the wrong side of town. Hey Red.. Does the carpet match the drapes?”

I sped up, trying to make my way past the Ghoulie that had spoken. When he reached out and grabbed my arms, I started to scream and immediately, I resorted to attempting to kick and punch as much as I could. He spun me around to face him and immediately stepped as close to me as he could get, glazed over eyes roaming over every inch of my body with a near predatory smirk.

I continued to shout and scream and kick up as much of a fuss as I could, but deep down, I felt the fear starting to take over. Desperation because absolutely no one knew where I was at and what I was up to at the moment.

My father and my brother probably both thought I was upstairs in bed. They don’t know I snuck out. They don’t know why I snuck out. I don’t even know why I did it if you want the honest to God’s truth…

Maybe it was everyone always assuming I’m this good and sweet and quiet person. Maybe I was bored. Maybe the threat of a serial killer lurking in the wings made me feel alive.

Either way, as I found myself trapped there by the Ghoulie, I was beginning to have one of those ‘today I fucked up’ moments. 

And then, out of nowhere, a pool stick connected with the back of the Ghoulie’s head. His grip on me loosened and he stumbled forward with my would be savior quickly stepping up, clocking him in the back of the head with his fist while shouting at me to run and don’t stop.

Being that I was afraid, fuck yes I ran. I ran until my lungs burned and I saw blue lights whizzing past heading in the direction I’d just come from. As I stood there, catching my breath, I heard someone behind me calling my name.

I almost bolted again. As he stepped into view, the streetlight overhead glinting off of the rings on his fingers, I swallowed hard and stepped back, wary. “S-sweet Pea?” I stammered, a brow raised. 

I’ll admit this… I’m both attracted to and terrified of the guy. Terrified because he’s a Serpent and I’ve heard enough from Jughead, a friend of mine and my brothers… They can be dangerous. Plus, he’s a literal fucking giant and intimidating as hell. And for someone like me, that’s not something I deal well with. So, I tend to keep a wide berth in the halls at school. Or around town, if he happens to be present.

The thing about this is I really have to try.. Make a concentrated effort. I literally have to force myself to pretend I don’t notice him and I’m not beyond painfully aware of him and drawn to him like a magnet.

So, being this close to him was throwing me into a turmoil. On the one hand, I wanted to run. I knew I should be running, most likely. I knew if my brother caught wind of him anywhere near me, then any peace the two sides of Riverdale High had been having lately would literally become dust in the wind because my brother just that hot headed and overprotective.

He always has been. 

I knew all this and yet, my feet were rooted to the concrete sidewalk and my eyes were glued to Sweet Pea as he stepped closer, a brow raised. The street lamp illuminated injuries he’d gotten. Fresh ones. Probably from fighting that Ghoulie, the thought came and the guilt settled over me as I tilted my head slightly to look up at him and tapped my foot against the sidewalk.

“What the fuck are you doing on the South Side?”

“I don’t know.” I muttered it quietly, I was beyond well aware how stupid the guy probably thinks I am now, i mean.. It’s a known fact. Unless you’re born here, you stay on your side of town. It’s dangerous, or so I’ve always heard… and even more so after dark.

“So what? You just strolled down here for shits and giggles?” he was gazing at me intently, I could feel his eyes burning holes through me. I didn’t dare look up and meet his gaze. Instead, I stared intently at my shoes and the concrete sidewalk beneath them. And the silent tension that’s always lingered between the two of us grew and intensified.

It was enough that I was shuffling one foot, fidgeting my fingertips in the ragged sleeve of my favorite shirt. 

Sweet Pea reached out, tilting my chin to make me look up at him and my thoughts just seemed to trail off. “Did you hear anything I just said, little Red?”

“No, I…” started but he grumbled something to himself and carefully, he gripped at my elbow.

“Hey, what the fucking hell, Sweet Pea?”

“I said I’m taking you home. If I don’t take you home and more shit like that happens… Look, I’m not fightin your brother again, it’s pointless.” Sweet Pea explained it as calmly as he could and I stood there, staring up at him, trying to formulate words, some kind of a clever quip in response but as usual, nothing came.

I nodded, taking a deep breath and he seemed to realize that I wasn’t going to take off or go do something crazy, so he lowered his grip on my elbow. Despite myself, I pouted just a little and when our eyes met, he bit his lip, staring down at me.

“Ya know… you gave that Ghoulie prick a bloody nose, right?”

“Duh, you know my brother. Did you really think he wouldn’t drill proper self defense into my head as soon as we got older?” I fell into step beside him and shivered, hugging myself a little for warmth.

“You wander to the wrong side of town… with no actual jacket. Everything okay at home, little Red?”

Despite the fact that for the entirety of the time that our schools have been merged he’s dismissively called me that, I felt my cheeks heating up just a little and I stopped walking, staring up at him as I mulled it over and shrugged.

“Oh what, so this little adventure tonight was what? You? Bored?” Sweet Pea was sneering a little towering over me as he did so, his eyes boring so deep into mine that I felt like he was trying to stare into my soul. That fact had me shivering just a little more and it wasn’t because of the chill creeping into the air. 

“I wasn’t bored. I just... “ I trailed off, my hands moving, fingers fidgeting with my shirt sleeves as I gazed up at the night sky stretched out endless above us. Finally, I managed to answer. “Have you ever just felt like nothing about you was real? And that you didn’t know who you actually were? I was going stir crazy, okay? I had to get out of there, it felt like the walls were closing in and I couldn’t think.”

“That’s pretty deep considering it’s coming from a North Sider.”

“Yeah? Well you barely know me, so I hardly see how you can just say that.”

Sweet Pea shrugged mildly. Pop’s was coming into view now, I could feel myself relaxing a little and my stomach chose that moment to growl so loud it had both of us exchanging looks. He grumbled and then after a few seconds, he nodded to the flickering neon sign in the window, it’s light hazy, casting a comforting glow from within.

“Obviously, we’re both hungry. A burger okay with you, little Red?”

“Yeah. I’m starving.”

We walked into the diner, right past Cheryl’s booth where she happened to be sitting with Toni and Fangs. For a second, Sweet Pea stopped, looking at his friends and it almost looked as if there was some intense silent conversation going on with the group.

Josie sat in the back, nursing a milkshake and when we walked past, she and Sweet Pea briefly exchanged awkward smiles. She gave me a warm friendly smile and after leaving a tip, she got up and left quickly.

I put it out of my head because honestly, being popular is my brother’s domain, not mine. I have absolutely no interest in it. It’s bad enough that because my brother is who he is, I’m pretty well known.

‘Don’t fuck with Archie’s baby sister, man, Archie will fight.’ or ‘ Oh, that’s just Alyssa. Archie’s kid sister, she’s a sweet kid.’

Nothing whatsoever to set me apart.

That was the crux of everything I’d done tonight. I just wanted to feel like I controlled my life. Like I could have some secret hidden thing and feel alive if I chose to.

Naturally, I had to go and get in over my head.

I settled into the booth, busying myself with a menu and Sweet Pea finally made his way over to the booth, slipping into the opposite seat, his knees brushing right against mine because he had to cram himself in the small space practically. I bit my lip and looked up, my eyes immediately immersed in the dark depths of his. 

And then.. Then I stuck my entire goddamn foot in my mouth. Just like I’m always avoiding him to keep from doing in the first place.

“S-sorry.. I can tuck my legs under my butt so you have room?” I slurped the milkshake, twisting a strand of bright red around my fingertips as I watched him.

When he smiled, suddenly, the neon in the window wasn’t the only source of warmth and light in the dimly lit diner. I gave a soft laugh and bit the tip of my straw. “Did you just smile at me, Sweet Pea?”

All he did was shrug and continue to eye fuck my massive order of french fries. I wordlessly slid the plate between us, nodding to it and muttering through a mouth full, “There.”

Wordlessly, he reached out and took a handful, munching down quietly. When I took a handful and raked them through my shake, he grimaced.

“Who the hell even does that, huh?”

“You’ve never had fries and chocolate ice cream?”

“No, and I don’t fucking wanna.”

“Oh god, you have to try it, man. It’s a party in your mouth.”

“Yeah, no.”

I pouted and offered him my shake and nodded to the plate, a smirk playing at my lips. “You don’t want me thinking Serpents are wimps, right?”

“Did you just.. Cute. You’re going to challenge me, huh? Okay, fine. Let’s see how this tastes you actual little heathen.” Sweet Pea was chuckling now and he dipped his fries into the milkshake, groaning as he took a mouthful. “This is really good. Shit.”

“See?”

“Okay, I’ll give you that one.” the laughter between us died away, leaving us to stare. After a few seconds, he chuckled to himself and shook his head.

“What?”

“This is the first time I’ve really laughed or anything since that whole thing with Josie.”

“I wasn’t under the impression you ever laughed, Sweet Pea.”

“There’s a lot you don’t actually know about me, Alyssa.”

“Maybe I’d like to find out.” I blurted it out before I could stop myself, flames rising to my cheeks as I did. He eyed me and shrugged. “I’m a pretty simple guy. Ask away, princess.”

“Don’t call me that.” I said it quickly, even as my heart fluttered and my stomach got that giddy butterfly feeling deep inside. Even though the tone in his voice when he said it did so many things to me.

“It fits. It sticks.”

“Ugh, damn it, fine.”

Honestly? Sweet Pea is the only person I’m going to accept calling me that moving forward. Because there’s just something about when he says it that makes it more special.

[lubdubsworld]

Make it hurt ( Then Kiss it better) (Yoongi a/b/o)

Chapter 2

I spent the weekend locked up inside my room. Jieun had gone home to visit her parents , so I could just lay off the suppressants, lock the door and spray scent markers all over the place before vegetating in my bed . I worked on my Biology paper , finished seven Chemistry experiments and equations and also finished a paper that wasn’t due for another month. 

It worked, in a way. I didn’t think about Min Yoongi more than half a dozen times and I only snapped the pencil in my hand twice. 

That Stupidly handsome, infuriatingly hot , and unfairly  polite Alpha jerk. 

Why couldn’t he just be a monster so I could hate him in peace without feeling  guilty  over how I‘d  treated him? 

But by Sunday afternoon , my guilt had intensified into genuine remorse and I decided that it was only fair that I apologize to him and properly thank him for what he’d done. 

And yet it took me three hours to actually bring myself to get dressed, slipping on a nice huge hoodie ( it was Seokjin’s) , a long skirt and my favorite sneakers. i looked like a beggar , i knew but I was comfy. 

A few subtle enquiries told me that Yoongi and his friends were in the huge grounds near the basketball court, probably smoking and having fun the way they usually did. Most of them were Alphas , so I grabbed my bottle of suppressants and chucked in four pills just to be on the safer side , before trudging out of my dorm and into the night. 

But when I reached there, i found that half the school was gathered around them. i elbowed my way to the front.

“Get up.” Kim Namjoon, another Senior growled , eyes blazing with fury as he stared down at the boy on the floor. He looked like he was about to kill him, and the amount of fury on his handsome face made me balk.

I hesitated, burrowing deeper in my hoodie as I stood in the second row of spectators , watching the brutality unfold in front of us. It was oddly disturbing, how absolutely ravenous the crowd looked for the bloody entertainment. They were all high schoolers but there was something very ancient in their gaze. A sort of bloodlust? Or the need to see someone suffer. For what, really?

They studied in the best school in the country : reserved for the richest elite. All of them wore the best clothes, carried the most expensive phones and drove the most fashionable cars. One would think, their thrill-seeking minds wouldn’t resort to watching innocent boys getting beaten into a pulp.

But one would be wrong.

Anytime one of  the three hotshots  decided to pick on a poor unfortunate kid, the students gathered at once. They cheered on the violent beatings and hooted in delirious frenzy.

Next toNamjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok stood with arms folded, Hoseok looking angry and Yoongi, unreadable as always. 

I swallowed nervously as I watched the three boys, standing over their cowering classmate. And honestly, I wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t let my mouth and temper run away with me! 

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

“She told you she wasn’t interested!! So you molest her?!!! Are you fucking kidding me? ”  Kim Namjoon hissed , staring down at the boy with his intent to kill written clearly on his perfect features.

I grimaced as the boy whimpered in genuine fear.

“No…Joon Hyung it’s a misunderstanding, i didn’t…”

Namjoon’s boot connected solidly with the boy’s jaw cutting off his words and leaving a splatter of blood against the pristine white floor . I stared, sickened, before letting out a noise of disgust.

I hadn’t meant for it to be loud. But it was.

Min Yoongi glanced up sharply , eyes landing on me at once. I stumbled back in surprise and quickly burrowed deeper into my hoodie.

He hesitated before dragging his eyes up and down my body, lips curling softly and  I could feel nausea build up at the back of my throat. Why did it have to behim of all the damn people in the entirety of South Korea! Why did it have to be Min fucking Yoongi ?

He looked fit and smug , ash blonde hair falling into his eyes over the fabric of his head band, all angular features and sinful lips. He narrowed his eyes and smirked. And then he was sublty scenting the air and I felt completely creeped out and it stuck me that he likely could smell me. 

How? How could he when no one else could?!! 

Fuck, I was in so much trouble.

 Get out of here. Now is not the time to make apologies. 

I didn’t need to watch more. Pushing my hands further into my pockets, I slowly walked to the water fountain on the way to the dormitories. At times like this, I wished i had a family to run away to. I was a ward of the state, which meant that vacations or working days, weekends or weeknights, rain or shine, I’d be locked here in school. I didn’t mind. The place was sprawling and you could spend days just walking around , without meeting a single soul.

There was an unwritten rule in our chool : don’t ask Don’t tell. Don’t ask who’s sleeping with who . Don’t tell if you hook up with a guy. There were enough crammed places , hidden from view where the girls and guys could do … stuff. The management didn’t really mind : they got their fat paycheck courtesy of these spoiled brats and their trust funds. Why ruin a good thing, huh?

But the problem was, these guys thought every female with two legs and a working vagina was fair game. At first i was flattered that they wanted me. That every guy i met took a double take when he saw my face. 

But then i realized that most of them didn’t stop with the looking. They wanted to touch.  And so , it became a hassle that i couldn’t get rid of no matter what i did.

As I kept walking, I became aware of how dark it was. it was a little past seven now, and the lamps leading to my dorm were always shrouded by the trees. It had rained earlier and the sound of crickets, the stench of rotting vegetation and the dampness in the air made me want to hide.

 Yoongi standing there, looking at me and being able to sense my presence. 

I snorted at the thought of them. Every single one of them were nothing more than a group of glorified sadists. Rich, handsome with more cash than conscience. I didn’t like the fact that i’d registered on yet another bastard’s radar. Sighing, I clenched my fists.

“Wait.”

I froze, my entire body going stiff at the unwelcome voice. it was Kris Wu. Another burly Alpha Senior with more looks than brains. He smelled like rotten fish and i wanted to puke. 

. Oh, God.

“What do you want?” I said without turning around, glancing quickly at the nearest building. at least twenty five yards away. Should i make a run for it?

“You .”

I shut my eyes in disgust. And then jumped when cold fingers circled my wrist, yanking me back till I hit a chest that was built like a wall.

“Let me go, you jerk.” I shoved him, hard.

Kris Wu looked less than apologetic as he grinned at me. Apparently while the others had been busy beating up a that guy, this one had come looking for fresh prey to feed on. He made my skin crawl. He pulled me closer and lightly swept my hair back before gripping my chin between his fingers.

“Not so fast. I asked you to come to my dorm last night. Defying orders now are we?” He glanced down at my lips and I pulled away. 

So he’d been the one to send that message. i got dozens of them. Come to my bed baby… Oppa’ll repay you well and good..

Disgusting creeps…

I clenched my fists and shoved him off. He gripped my wrists easily pinning me in place. Why the fuck were Alphas so tall and strong!! 

“Orders? I’m not your fucking whore. Go find some other slut to get your dick wet, you filthy bastard… ” I snarled, yanking my hand back again .

At least trying to . He did not let go.

“Aren’t you? Rumor has it that you prefer girls… is that it , babe? ” He sneered. I grinned.

“Are you telling me you’ve got a pussy instead of balls?” I shot back and his jaw tightened, eyes narrowing briefly.

“What a smart mouth… I’d love to see it wrapped around my cock. Maybe that will remove all the doubts you have about what’s between my legs.”

“I’ll tell you what should  be between your legs. Your fucking tail that’s what…” I shoved him again, this time putting more weight into it and he stumbled, just enough to let go of my wrists.

I didn’t think twice and ran quickly. But damn his long legs he was quick enough to wrap a hand around my ankle of all things, and i realized he’d straight up dived for me across the gravel path. I lost my footing and crashed down on the hard path, barely saving my face by throwing my palms out in front of me.

As it was the rough cement and gravel tore into my skin easily, ripping my palm and leaving burning bloody streaks of torn flesh. i swore, kicking out angrily while he crawled on top of me, straddling my body and pressing his erection into my stomach.

“I’m going to fuck you, one of these days but I want you to be willing. Why not save us both the trouble and just give in?” He sneered. I pushed my knee up and managed to get him off me.

“Get the fuck out of my face, you bastard…” I said furiously, moving to push past him. i stalk away in disgust. Jesus, i should have just bloody stayed in my room tonight!

I was almost at the entrance to the dorm , when the world exploded around me in sharp searing pain , my back hitting the wall next to the entrance with a smash that made my bones jar. I blinked in confused pain, trying to comprehend just happened.

. He had me pushed against the wall, one knee jammed between my thighs, his fingers buried in the hair at my nape, yanking my head back till i was staring right up at him. I’d never realized how tall he was before.

“You little whore…you think you can talk to me like that ??!! ” He screams into my face and I actually died a little on the inside. It’s never happened to me before, someone screaming into my face, and my mind struggled to comprehend what’s happening and how to make it stop. I struggled to get away from the wall that I’m caged into but he pushes in closer and there’s literally nowhere to move. He’s pressing into me so hard that it hurts.

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think you can get away with this..” I gasp out and he yanks harder on my hair. A second later he was dragging me into the bushes, past the small clump of trees and into a small clearing, my hair still held in his thick fingers, the grip so strong that I’m already crying.

“It makes me sick that you keep rejecting me.  You little bitch , you act all high and mighty, like you own the world, like you’re so much better than us, like I’m not good enough for you…..You should be grateful that a guy like me even looks at you….” He spat out venomously and suddenly it makes sense.

“You’re a fucking coward! Only cowards use their strength against a woman you little- ” I stop when he pulls me back and rams me down into the ground.

“Fucking slut, you think you’re invincible….?? Bitches like you are only fit for one thing…. ” His breath was nauseating, mingled with alcohol and he kissed me sloppily, saliva dribbling down my chin as he all but slobbered over me.

And then he was doing something unbelievable, yanking his tie off from around his neck. It took me all of three seconds to comprehend what he’s doing but its too late.

i fumbled wildly for the  phone in my pocket but he grabbed it at once, throwing it hard into the bushes.

He pulled me up and flipped me around, grabbing both my wrists behind my back and tying my wrists together with his tie. I laughed in hysterical disbelief.

“You’ve been watching too many movies, Kris. Are you even thinking right now? If this gets out…”

“If this gets out, they’ll just say you’re trying to get attention. That Kris oppa would never do something like this. ” He said softly and I actually choked because it’s frighteningly true.

For the first time, genuine fear began to slip in.

“This is a fucking crime, you idiot! ” I said desperately. “ You could fucking go to prison for this!” 

Holy shit, was he that much of an idiot?!!

 I suddenly felt completely uncertain.

 I didn’t know what I would do if he raped me.

 What the hell did women do in these situations? Put up a fight? How..

“Because it’s what you’re good for…” He hissed into my neck, pushing me into the damp cement floor again. “ You should’ve come into my bed when i asked you to.”

I could feel myself go boneless in disbelief. There’s no reasoning with a man whose ego is threatened. I stayed still, heart pounding and then he flipped me around again, staring into my face.

“Tell me you want me, baby girl..” He said softly. Anger and disgust crawled up my spine and i felt physically sick.

I spat in his face.

He slapped me so hard my ears rang. I was stunned and disoriented, burning pain threatening to overwhelm me.

“That’s it you little bitch..Now you’re in for it…” He rasped out .

what happens next was sort of a blur.

He tried hard, really hard to get my legs apart but I didn’t give in, thrashing wildly and finally he grabbed my chin and pulled me close.  His grip on my cheekbones was so hard i knew there were going to be bruises . I expected him to punch me or something but then he was grabbing my hair and yanking me to my knees.

When your knees are weak and the floor’s a sharp jagged cement hell, digging into your already hurt and torn skin, and your hands are restrained, you honestly can’t get yourself to stand up.

Not when there’s a six foot guy gripping your hair and your chin, forcing your mouth open. He let go of my hair to unbuckle his belt and yank it out of the loops.

“Get off her.” A familiar voice said suddenly and Kris groaned, pushing off me roughly. I stumbled  back and tried to put as much space between him and I as possible, my palms burning.

I glanced up to find Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok slowly making their way over, jackets off and over their shoulders , pristine white shirts unbuttoned.

Kris and his crew were usually at loggerheads with these guys and obviously realizing that he was outnumbered, he quickly slinked away into the darkness before the boys reached the pale circle of light on the gravel path. It was almost fully dark now. I stayed kneeling, trying to catch my breath as they came closer.

“What is this?” Namjoon said boredly, eyes barely glancing at me before looking at his friends.

“She’s a junior, I think. Her name’s …. something. I don’t know.” Hoseok said with a little laugh and Yoongi just stood still staring down at me a mildly exasperated look on his face. 

“Who did you go and pick a fight with now? ” He said softly and I swallowed.

“Go to hell…. ” I said softly already wishing for death.

 If Kris was a devil , this guy looked like Lucifer himself. I didn’t want to run. That wouldn’t really end well.

“I’ve heard about her. Pretty face , potty mouth. Looks like dream and acts like a she-devil….. She’s nothing but trouble. ” Hoseok snapped and I took a deep breath.

 i was screwed.

Yoongi chuckled deeply.

“You’re being unfair, Hoseok-ah…i think she has her moments … but mostly i find her pretty … entertaining.” 

Staying perfectly still, i watched him come closer , finally stepping into the bright circle cast by the streetlamp. 

He looked  strapping and breathtakingly beautiful. 

Terrifyingly dangerous as he stared at me, his eyes fixed on my face. Something shifted in his gaze as he glaced down at my hand which i hadn’t even realized had begun shaking.

 He kept coming and i willed myself not to move. I didn’t want to act like he scared me. Which he didn’t . 

. He gently picked my hand up, his touch feather light, before turning my hand over, palm up. He stared at the bloody scratches and lightly traced one particularly deep cut. I shivered as he tugged on the tie around my wrists , loosening the knot and letting me out of the bounds.

My wrists ached as I held them up in front of me, my shoulder stinging from being pushed back for too long.

“Water.” He said calmly. I blinked.

“Excuse me?” I croaked. But then Hoseok pulled out a small water bottle from his backpack and handed it to him. 

Yoongi kept his gaze on my face as he uncapped the bottle before swiftly pouring the water on my palms and rubbing away the blood and gravel, making my hand sting agonizingly. I bit my lips to swallow the pain.

“Are you hurt? Did he touch you ? ” He said casually, continuing to wash my palm very gently… 

I shook my head.

“No, sunbae.”

He smiled.

“i’m going to tear his limbs off anyway.  ” He said casually, dropping my hand and holding his hand up for the next one.

The words terrified me more than anything else. 

I stepped back curling my hands into fists and shaking my head quickly. i stumbled up on shaky legs and moved back, still trembling from the nerves. He smirked and handed me the waterbottle instead.

“Get yourself cleaned up, Min Jung ssi….” He turned around and walked away. Namjoon gave me a curious glance, while  Hoseok stared at the waterbottle rather distastefully. i quickly rushed over and handed it to him and he shook his head.

“Keep it. Yoongi hyung will throw a fit if i take that thing back ” He said sulkily before moving away.

I stared after them for a while, not at all sure what had happened or why.

[thepatricktreestump]

Saudade: Ch25

There was only so much you could actually take. By the time you saw Josh start threatening Brendon and shoving him up against the wall, you couldn’t stand it anymore. You went to your room, clutching your still aching stomach, fumbling to find your phone. You knew some massive shit was about to go down. From the look in Josh’s eye, he would definitely beat Brendon up, or worse. The thought of Josh ever actually killing someone made you shudder, and you froze when you heard him scream at Brendon again, your entire body tensing. A week ago, the thought of the two of them in a room together after hearing the whole truth would’ve made you laugh because you’d think it would never happen. But yet, here you were, your secret revealed, and the two boys exchanging insults and choking each other to death. It broke you a little bit on the inside knowing that they used to be friends before you had even met Josh. They probably trusted each other enough not to even think for a second something like this could happen.

Shaking those thoughts out of your head, you finally found your phone, deciding to rush to the bathroom, lock yourself in there, and call Tyler. It was your only other option. The phone rang several times before you heard him pick up. “It’s so early,” he groaned. “Like super early. So this better be important.”

“It is,” you insisted. “Look Tyler, this is really important.”

“Did you tell him?” he grumbled. “Does Josh know?”

“Yeah. He knows,” you took a sharp inhale, your body tensing when you heard the sound of a body fall on the floor. Maybe someone was shoved down. Or kicked down. Or worse. There was a groaning noise. You weren’t sure you wanted to know who it was. “Listen, you have to come quick. Things aren’t good.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, voice suddenly full of concern. “Is Josh alright? Did he hurt himself? Did he hurt you?”

“Well…” your voice trailed off. “He’s hurting someone.”

“What does that mean?” Tyler wondered. Suddenly you heard him let out a small whisper of fear. “He didn’t touch the baby, did he?”

“No, no,” you quickly shook your head. “It’s uh, kind of hard to explain, but Brendon’s here, and Josh is killing him.”

“He deserves it,” Tyler replied calmly over the phone.

“No, you don’t understand,” you started to grow frustrated. “He’s literally killing him. Like choking him to death. And he said he wouldn’t hesitate to do the same to me. I’m scared, Ty.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “I’m coming.”

“Please. Quick,” you begged. “I locked myself in the bathroom and I’m really afraid to go out there again.”

“Alright,” Tyler decided. “Just hang in there. I’m on my way.”

There was sudden shouting and you decided maybe you should do something. Call the cops maybe if things had escalated even worse. You carefully opened up the door to the bathroom and started to creep out to the kitchen, watching in horror as you saw the two boys throwing punches back and forth in the kitchen. Brendon had a black eye and blood dripping down his forehead and Josh’s arm was bleeding from where Brendon had scratched him and he was just getting punched in the jaw when you stepped in. They were beating each other to death. You wanted to scream or break them up or cry or do something, but it felt like your feet were frozen in place, your entire body paralyzed, eyes glued on the two boys shouting at one another.

“At least I actually fuck her! She flies all the way out to see you on tour and you can’t even give her that? You think you can shove her in a tour bus bathroom and expect her to cum?” Brendon shouted, punching him in the face again and watching as Josh staggered back, steadying himself on the kitchen counter.

“At least I actually give her a place to live! I don’t kick her out after I’ve fucked her a couple times and tell her good luck!” Josh yelled, approaching Brendon again and kicking him in the stomach, making him double over. “I don’t pick up girls at the bar, get them wasted, and then bring them home, use them for the night, and then break their hearts!”

“At least she doesn’t have to fake orgasms when I fuck her!” Brendon screamed, getting back up and shoving Josh aside. “She doesn’t have to be embarrassed about her kinks! She actually has satisfying sex! And likes it!” He shoved Josh back once more. “She fucking loves it.”

“You shut the fuck up about our sex life!” Josh warned. “Fuck off!”

“Sex life? What sex life?” Brendon laughed through the apparent pain. “I’ve fucked her more times than you ever have, and I’ve only known her for a couple months!”

“You’re just fucking asking for it? Aren’t you?” Josh roared. His chest heaved up and down, anger still boiling inside of him, his eyes searching around before locking his gaze with what you most dreaded.

“No,” you barely whispered. “Fuck, no.”

“Josh,” Brendon began carefully. “No. Don’t do that. Look, we don’t have to resort to violence like this-”

“Shut the fuck up!” Josh bellowed, picking up the knife from the wood block and gripping it in his hand, then whipping around to face Brendon once again. “I don’t want to hear another word from you.”

“Please,” Brendon begged. “You don’t need to do this.”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want,” Josh argued, approaching Brendon. “You did it, right? You didn’t seem to mind that y/n was dating me. Even after you found out you continued to fuck her. I know you did.”

“Okay, alright, I’m sorry,” Brendon sputtered out apologies as Josh took another step towards him. “I’m wrong, you’re right, I shouldn’t be-”

“It’s too late for apologies,” Josh shook his head slowly, growing even closer to Brendon, still clutching the knife in his hand. “You should’ve learned to say sorry a long time ago.”

Before you could even begin to process what was happening, Josh sunk the knife into Brendon’s shoulder, making you gasp, eyes wide, Brendon letting out a wretched curse before falling onto the floor, holding his hand over his wound, gasping for air. “Stop!” you screamed, rushing forward, although your entire body was shaking with fear. What the fuck were you doing? You were going to get yourself killed as well. “Josh! Please!”

“What? You want to die today as well? I wouldn’t hesitate,” Josh warned.

“Just drop the knife,” you pleaded, body trembling. “Please. For me. Okay? I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late,” he shook his head, turning towards you, still gripping the knife. You glanced at Brendon on the ground, shoulder bleeding, and you bit down on your lip, thinking everything over.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you insisted. “And I know I did. I’m sorry. But that doesn’t mean you have to hurt somebody else.”

“I’m giving him what he deserves!” Josh shouted.

“Well I know you deserve better than me,” you began. “But if you still want me, I’m here.”

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted!” Josh screamed louder than you had ever heard him scream before. He stared at you, eyes transitioning from fierce to broken. It looked like he was about to cry. He looked up towards the ceiling, tears forming in his eyes, dropping the knife and holding his head in his hands, falling to his knees, sobbing. “I’ve always wanted you.”

“Josh,” your voice softened, about to take a step closer to him when the last thing you ever expected to happen at that moment, did.

“Fuck you!” Brendon shouted, snatching the knife off the floor, stabbing Josh in the back.

“Oh my god!” you felt like your soul just left your body, you were shocked beyond belief, fear paralyzing you. “Brendon!”

“You’re a fucking dick!” Brendon seethed, stabbing Josh several times, kicking him to the ground and then continuing the act of violence, blood pouring out from the wound, Josh gasping and choking for air. You watched in absolute horror as Brendon screamed, piercing Josh over and over again.

“Stop!” you cried, rushing over to him, shoving Brendon off him, letting the knife clatter to the ground. You flipped Josh over, tears running down your face, you trying to find life within his eyes. Josh was coughing up blood.

“I always loved you,” he mumbled, barely hanging on. “I always will.”

“Josh,” you felt like you were suffocating, shaking his body, watching as his eyes closed. “Josh!” You felt everything all at once. Guilt. Anger. Hopelessness. Insanity.

“He thought he could fucking kill me,” Brendon chuckled darkly. “Asshole.” He got up from the floor, easing himself onto his own two legs, then smirking at you. “Well we finally got rid of him. Just you and me now, huh?” He started to walk towards you as if to kiss you, but you were terrified.

“I can’t fucking believe you!” you screeched, shoving Brendon back. “What the fuck!”

“What’s wrong?” he wondered. “I just did what was right.”

“Right? You killed my baby and then you killed my boyfriend! You fucking prick!” you stared at him in disbelief. “What would even possess you to think that’s okay?”

“It was self-defense,” he grit his teeth, clenching his shoulder wound. “Josh was attacking me. I wasn’t going to just sit there and let him slice me open.”

“So you killed him?” you asked, feeling as if you were growing insane.

“He probably would’ve killed you too,” Brendon spat. “You should be grateful.”

“You’re a goddamn psychopath!” you insulted. “You’re just as bad as he was! I saw you punch him too! Don’t think I didn’t!”

“Look, y/n, I was just trying to protect you,” he insisted. “I didn’t want you getting any more hurt than you already are.”

“Fuck,” you stared at his bleeding wound. “We should call an ambulance, or the cops, or-”

“No kidding,” Brendon muttered. “There’s a dead body on the floor.”

“What are we going to do?” you whispered, staring at Brendon. “This is such a mess.”

“I don’t know about you,” he laughed. “But I’m out.”

“W-what do you mean?” you wondered.

“I’m calling an ambulance and then I’m out of here,” he shrugged. “You’re on your own.”

“What?” you blinked twice. “You’re going to leave me here? With a dead body?”

“Lose my number,” he instructed. “I’ve made a decision. I just want things to turn back to normal when Sarah comes home. I don’t need her finding about this whole shitshow.”

“What happened?” you asked. “What are you talking about?”

“I think I finally realized that you’re no good for me,” Brendon sighed, running a hand through his hair and looking you in the eyes. “You’re just trouble.”

“T-trouble?” you could barely repeat the word.

“You got pregnant. You got a rumor spread about us. Your boyfriend just tried to murder me,” he pointed out. “You’re bad for my image. Can you believe if people found out what happened? It would be a disaster. Especially if Sarah found out.”

“Bren-” your voice broke.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry y/n.”

“I promise, I can change, all of this is behind us,” you insisted. “Brendon, I can’t do this. I’m going to be all alone. Don’t you realize that? I have no one left.”

“Then that’s your problem,” he decided. “Look, as much as I love you, I can’t do this to myself. It needs to stop. I’m out.”

“You can’t be serious,” you breathed, your heart crumbling.

“I’m sorry y/n,” Brendon whispered. “But this is the end.”

There was a knocking on the door and your heart sunk in your chest. Brendon was leaving. Josh was dead. And Tyler was waiting outside the door, just ready to witness the aftermath of all your destruction. You wanted more than anything to just disappear. The one thing you had been longing for this entire time was now dead. Josh had been there for you through and through, even to his dying moment, promising you that he loved you and would do anything for you, and you took that for granted. You had tried to replace him in your life with someone else, with distractions, and had only caused a mess. He was the other half to your heart, and now he was gone. You felt a heavy weight settle inside you, making you feel nauseous. A melancholy empty feeling consumed you, making you feel like weeping or screaming or dying. You would never be able to get Josh back. He would be gone forever. This entire mess was your fault. Everything was already done. It was all over now.

[herperlo-d]

How To Be A Saviour Without Trying

In which Tseng meets Cloud way before CC and as a result, saves the future

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Interlude 1] [Chapter 3]

Chapter 4: Start an Adventure

Weeks later

Tseng squinted at the papers in his hands, trying to concentrate on the tiny words scribbled across the page. Behind him, the clock struck two. Tick-tock tick-tock. The repetitive beats echoed in the empty office. Outside his windows, Midgar’s usual bustle had softened to a low murmur, most of the citizens safely asleep at home that late at night. The bright white lights of his office, mingling with the green glow of the reactors shining through his windows, reflected off the white walls, aggravating his already pulsing head.

Tseng gritted his teeth and made a few quick notes on the papers with a pen, sliding the stack into his OUT tray with a sullen plop. Massaging his temples, he drank another gulp of coffee that had long gone cold, the gross bitterness of the cheap office coffee searing an awful path down his throat. Tseng grimaced at the disgusting taste, but continued drinking. Right now, he would drink anything that contained caffeine- even if it reminded him of Zolom piss.

SOLDIER applications had just opened the previous weekend and the Turk offices were swamped with paperwork. Everyone was working overtime everyday the whole week- especially Tseng, what with Veld busy with a secret project from President Shinra. Tseng felt a curl of irritation well up in his gut, but he pushed it down in favour of picking up yet another stack of applications.

The stress of the massive influx of paperwork had gotten to him, making him uncharacteristically short tempered the entire week. Even Reno, who usually made as much of a nuisance of himself as possible, didn’t dare to breathe a word wrong in Tseng’s presence the past few days. If he had been in a better mood, Tseng would have appreciated the reprieve from Reno’s usual antics. Other Turk recruits, who were a little slower, fell victim to his sharp tongue and acerbic words.

For some reason, a few Turk recruits had dropped out throughout the week. Why? Tseng didn’t have the slightest clue.

Somehow, his reputation had grown more fearsome over the week.

Tseng sighed for the umpteenth time that night and slid another stack into his OUT tray. All applications had to be screened by the Turks in order to ensure that no anti-Shinra spy had attempted to infiltrate the company from the inside. Why they refused to have the applications digitalised was beyond Tseng. Now, he had to decipher thousands of different handwritings, comparing them and the information they displayed with past profiles of known anti-Shinra groups. If the forms had been scanned into the computer, Tseng could have completed the hundreds of forms within the afternoon, instead of staying in the office until wee hours in the morning, only to go home, shower, grab a bite and take short nap before coming back to the office. Tseng was so exhausted that he could feel the bags under his eyes grow with each passing day and the fuzziness in the corners of his mind rising.

It was dangerous and irresponsible of him, but Tseng really didn’t give a shit.

As he picked up a new stack of the accursed applications, Tseng spotted a splash of blue and yellow at the corner of the page. There, right on the first page of the forms just beside his hastily scrawled name, an older face of Cloud Strife stared back a Tseng, blue eyes and bright blond hair just as striking as he had remembered. The boy looked a bit tired in the photo, no doubt from the long journey from Nibelheim to Midgar. He had lost quite a bit of his baby fat from his face and his hair was somehow lighter and spikier than before.

A jumble of feelings swirled chaotically in his head. Surprise. Dread. Happiness. Tseng stared at the page in his hands, stunned for a second before the sound of his pen hitting the marble floor jolted him from his thoughts. Tseng stood up from his seat, quickly packing his things and strode out of the door, leaving his paperwork lying neatly on his table.

Work can wait till tomorrow- he had things to prepare. Cloud was in Midgar.

________

Cloud stepped off the train and meandered through the crowded platform, lightly jostling people out of his way. Overhead, a sign cheerfully welcomed him to Midgar Train Station, the largest train station in all of Gaia. A smaller sign below helpfully pointed out that Shinra Headquarters is five hundred metres away from Exit A. Shouldering his pack, Cloud chewed on some dragon jerky and made his way towards Exit A, eyes scanning the crowd leisurely. As he got closer to the building, it was easier to spot his fellow SOLDIER applicants among the stream of people- namely the ones who look much less put together than the formally dressed Shinra employees. It was the last day of registration and there was a large surge of last-minute applicant streaming into Midgar. Cloud, having arrived very early in the morning, was part of a smaller crowd. Thank Gaia for small mercies.

Cloud stopped at the base of the building and stared up at the sheer size of Shinra Headquarters. He had seen pictures in newspapers and heard people describe what it looked like, but nothing compared to seeing it in real life.

The building was a massive construct of steel and glass. It had gigantic tubes leading from the surrounding reactors to the base of the building. Rows of windows curved from end to end. It boasted a record-breaking seventy stories, the tallest ever building on Gaia with state of the art facilities and technology. The technologies in other non-Shinra buildings were at least two years behind those in the Headquarters because the company guarded its knowledge jealously.

Cloud tentatively entered the building only to be ushered into a whirlwind of admin matters. He was rushed through getting his picture taken and then a pen and application forms were pushed into his hands. The moment he wrote the last word, the papers were taken from him and he was whisked to another booth where he got his bunk number and quick directions to the SOLDIER hopeful barracks. Before he knew it, Cloud was standing back outside the Headquarters, staring rather blankly at the info sheet in his hands and wondering how he had appeared outside again. Shaking off the confusion, Cloud followed the directions to behind the headquarters where three rectangular five story concrete buildings stood dully, surrounding a large quadrangle.

Cloud eyed his new home, gripping the strap of his pack nervously. Now that he was finally here, Cloud felt the doubts start to creep up.

Is this worth it? Should he just have taken the job in Kalm instead?

Cloud shook those thoughts out of his head and steeled his resolve. He will finish what he started and fulfil his mother’s last wish. It was the least he could do to repay her kindness.

His room wasn’t that hard to find- it was in the middle building, on the second floor. Cloud was sharing a small room that barely fit the double-deckers of nine other applicants and their lockers. The beds were arranged in a U-shape with the headboards flushed against the walls and a pair of lockers stood beside each bunk.

Cloud was the second to arrive and he nodded at the other boy in the room, smiling slightly, as he claimed the bottom bunk of the second bed to the left of the door. The boy slipped off his own top bunk on the bed opposite and approached Cloud, shaking out his blond hair from his eyes and stuck out a hand, smiling brightly.

“My name’s Julius, but everyone calls me Lee.”

Cloud took his hand in a firm handshake. “Cloud.”

Lee raised an eyebrow at Cloud. “Not so talkative huh? But I guess if I had a name like that I wouldn’t be so eager to make friends either.”

Cloud grunted and shrugged in answer. It was sort of true after all. Once the village kids knew his name they made fun of him constantly. Surprisingly, Lee didn’t seem all that offended by Cloud’s gruff answer. Instead, he beamed at him, reaching out to punch Cloud’s shoulder lightly and gave him a one-arm hug.

“I can totally see it now. You and I are going to be such great friends.”

Cloud stared at him a little incredulously. They had just met literally five minutes ago, so how…? Meeting Lee’s bright grin with a shy one himself, Cloud decided that it didn’t really matter. He never was the one to look a gift horse in the mouth and having a friend to go through the coming weeks of hell with could only be blessing.

Lee cooed at Cloud’s small smile, pinching his cheeks. Cloud scowled at that. Now if only Lee would stop touching him so much the situation would have been perfect.

They spent the next few minutes getting to know each other. Turns out, Lee had just turned seventeen a month ago. He was from Icicle Inn and was delighted to find another ‘winter dweller in this sauna’. He had an older sister who co-owns a small inn in the mountain resort with his dad. His mom had left the family when he was only a baby. Cloud didn’t pry any further- it wasn’t for him to know. He had come to Midgar to try out for SOLDIER because ‘A SOLDIERS’ pay is the best and I gotta find a way to support my family. Heat doesn’t come cheap in the middle of an ice waste.’

Lee, in turn, learned that Cloud was a fifteen year old (though he looked a bit sceptical) from Nibelheim and he lives by himself in a place a bit away from the main village. Cloud didn’t notice when Lee’s beaming smile dimmed a little at that. He earns enough to tide him over by selling animal parts. Cloud also told him that he signed up for SOLDIER because it was his dream since he was a kid.

Lee’s smile became teasing and he nudged Cloud in the ribs, “A fan of Sephiroth huh?”

Cloud’s cheeks flushed a dark red and he spluttered indignantly, scrambling for a reply while Lee nearly cried with laughter. Thankfully, Cloud was saved from further embarrassment when the door slid open again and another group of boys entered the room.

The day passed by quickly after that as the boys got themselves situated in their bunks and trooped down to the quadrangle where they lined up in neat rows in front of a small podium. Cloud looked around and realised that there was about a hundred boys lining up with him, ages between fifteen (the minimum age requirement) and twenty-two (probably the exam retakers). The more he looked around, the more disgruntled he was to note that among all the boys, he still was the shortest one there. Lee seemed to have come to the same conclusion because he chuckled softly and ruffled Cloud’s hair. Cloud scowled at him and batted his hand away, turning back to the front where Heidegger stepped up to the podium, the medals on his breast glinting gold in the sunlight.

Cloud’s breath caught itself in his throat when General Sephiroth himself stepped up onto the platform behind Heidegger with the other two famous First Classes, Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos. Cloud could hear the people behind him whisper to each other in awe. The man looked even more beautiful and intimidating in real life, standing far taller than anyone else in the quadrangle, green cat-slit eyes scanning the crowd, assessing and cataloguing everyone’s threat levels.

Cloud gasped inaudibly when those captivating eyes caught his, hard emeralds catching sky blue in an intense gaze. Cloud automatically reacted like he would when facing down a dangerous opponent- he straightened his spine, drawing his shoulders back and stared back squarely into Sephiroth’s eyes, unblinking and fearless. Inside his head, his brain was screaming something akin to pure terror at him. Before he could look away, Sephiroth’s eyes shined at him with something like mild approval before the penetrating stare moved past him, onto their next victim.

The rest of Heidegger’s speech passed in a haze, Cloud barely noting the propaganda and praises he was spouting for the Shinra Company. Lee was shooting him concerned glances that he ignored, mind fixed on the fact that he had just stared down the General Sephiroth and the man himself had approved. Cloud felt a bit faint.

A Second Class SOLDIER took Heidegger’s place on the podium after the executive ended his speech with a loud Gya haa haa. He introduced himself as Lieutenant Hawk, the man in charge of this year’s SOLDIER exams. Lieutenant Hawk was brisk and honest, bluntly telling them that they will be going through hell for next months under his tender loving care and by the end of that, they either survive or they will be kicked out. SOLDIER does not accept the weak. He briefed them on the general outline of the training they will be going through and the skeleton structure of their days, as well as the consequences of any rule breaking. The sharp smile he made beneath his helmet made it clear that the punishments would not be fun at all.

Lieutenant Hawk informed them that they have been split into groups for the entire duration of the examinations- their roommates are to be their group mates. Faint murmurs rose around him, and Cloud noted that not everyone were as amiable with their roomies as he was with his own. Already there were displeased looks thrown between some boys grouped together and Cloud made a mental note to avoid the boys shooting the particularly dirty ones. He’d rather take the exams with as little drama as possible, thank you very much.

Lee nudged him and the two boys exchanged grins, happy that they would stay together.

As Cloud laid in his new bed that night, his things neatly put away and new uniform ready to be worn the next morning, he decided that maybe chasing his dreams wouldn’t be as hard as he thought.

Cloud should have known not to jinx himself like that.