#that man wouldnt be a magic cop

[m00neroni]

my mind is always trying to decide which one I love more, if healer Sirius or curse breaker Sirius?

also professor Sirius is such a good concept. I really can't decide

[droodlebug]

annoyed about tkdb haru's magically comfortable and near infalliable prostethic arm again. need to rewatch full metal alchemist and trigun again bc those are some of the few arm prosthetic characters that dont tick me off from how unrealistic it is. even though they are still really well functioning sci-fi nerve connecting prostethics, they get messed up.. broken and changed and rebuilt. they get taken off reguarly bc theyre not comfortable. vash i cam believe wouldnt complain about phantom pain bc hes well. mr feel all pain dont bat an eye. but ed is does regularly. he deals with the effects of his arm hurting him and becoming dangerous in inclimate weather, threatening to burn or cause frostbite to his skin.

yet harus body weight is centered on the fake arm when ren picks him up in ch 3 and it doesnt even slide off. its messing up and crunches but like. its a prosthetic it is not Part of you. with his stigma weakening his body it would definitely be a huge risk to cause extra harm to the rest of him if he moves the wrong way or towa makes a blizzard and it gets too cold or something. idk man its one of my biggest disability writing peeves. you make a character thats disabled by having them have a limb difference, but then give them an arm that magically makes them function exactly like someone with no limb difference.

its annoying. its erasure and surface level and using it just as a cool factor without putting any real thought into how it affects a person and changes how they have to approach things. its a cop out. it sucks. it happens really frequently with blindness as well, with the added trope of it being somehow cured magically. as if you cant live a full and happy life as a blind person (and many blind people do still have sight! and none have magical superhuman hearing.)

id rather see disabilities, Especially physical disabilities, not done at all if they arent going to be done with thought, care, and respect. do some base level research. stop for a damn second and listen to actual real disabled people.

[nmzuka]

Alright I did it Ranking the human characters from Primal Rage: The Avatars from least to most mischaracterized to me personally:

--Kaze and Keena They're kinda just genetic "protagonist hero" and "girl" I do like a lot of moments they had overall and dont think their characters are bad for them Keena having a crush on Kaze wasn't terrible since it obviously wasn't reciprocated but I did HATE the long bit of Keena fretting about "never feeling the touch of a man" she's 15 bro she's not thinking about that pls fuck off I do think it was lacking a lot in Keena being a child (and they kinda cop-out of doing that by saying she like matured by magic after becoming an Avatar which is lame) I don't really have that much to say in general about Kaze. I thought he was fine for being the "main character" The other characters joking about him being WAY too loyal to Blizzard (to the point of joking he wanted to fuck him) was honestly really funny tho

--Shank hard for me to fault much cause like he isnt in the book a whole lot? but I do wish they'd done more with him… he's just kinda there, does his thing, and then goes away Spoilers kinda but it was really weird that he gave a false name when he met them and then like Keena just out of no where was like "what's your real name?!" and then Malyssa knew who he was?? which I guess was the point that he hid his name so they wouldn't realize he was Chaos but they also never brought up that Malyssa knew who he was?

--Sinjin on the one hand I think Sinjin's character was kinda fun. He is sassy and a bit quippy (really like his line when all the gods got together and were roaring at each other and he just says "one big happy family…" its just so silly of him I love it) They made it a point of how good he was at rallying troops behind him and like giving these passionate speeches which is kinda fun for him to be charismatic like that but it really feels like character moments that should have been for Arik?? The book didn't even bother bringing up his want to die (I dont remember if it even brought up he was immortal? I dont think they did) that annoyed me but REALLY annoyed me when he had the line while giving a speech to the soldiers and said "we have the will to live!" made me yell HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!! his personal motives are just kinda dropped after a while too? like he started out playing both sides (the other Avatars and Necrosan) but that doesnt really go anywhere and once he gets the powers of being an avatar it seems like he's going to betray the Avatars because he doesnt want to release Diablo again but it just never happens? they have a lead in like he's planning something but Tor and Arik show up and he just never tries any kind of backup plan or anything? he's just fully helping the Avatars to beat Necrosan and release the gods

--Arik, Tor, Xiao Ming Im lumping all 3 together because they are honestly interchangeable in the book you could just swap the names and it wouldnt make a difference because they arent given enough character to stand out. which is a real shame! especially for Arik and Xiao Ming because I think they have a lot of interesting character possibilities with what we get from the game:

Arik is a fallen prince who wants to rebuild his kingdom and in his game ending it says how he became a greatly loved king who was known for his compassion and wisdom. He establishes a new age of peace and prosperity for humanity and its a shame the book just doesn't touch on that at all I mean they mention he's a prince but not any of his wants to help humanity

Xiao Ming is an arrogant fighter who challenged the god Slashfang to a fight and lost. Shashfang doesnt kill him tho and instead makes him his avatar in his ending he rechallenges Slashfang who says instead of a fight Xiao Ming must hunt him down He fails at this as well but over his time traveling gains a sense of humility and peace

So I always pictured his relationship with Slashfang being more bitter? it says how Xiao Ming is "disfigured" by his earlier fight with Slashfang and I dont think he was really a willing follower?? Slashfang is more trying to teach him a lesson in the book tho he's just a guy, given no sense of arrogance or anything he's just there and hanging out with Slashfang like whatever. it did annoy me too cause there was a bit where Xiao Ming and Keena think Kaze betrayed them and Keena is the one going off about what a jerk he is and shit and Xiao Ming is the one like "no he wouldnt do that would he?" when I think it should have been switched with Xiao Ming shit talking Kaze for betraying them

I did laugh when the book out right said Tor and Armadon were boring lol (Malyssa is the one to say it and I was just like "girl you get it they are so boring") but honestly that made me more sad then anything cause I had hoped to get some character ideas for Tor especially but nope he's just kinda around and is a normal dude? Armadon mentions him being afraid but never of what? like what is that suppose to mean my guy??

--Malyssa ok so like… she is my fav character in the book but also the one that bothers me the most ffff I liked how much pull she had in the story playing both sides the whole time, betraying people and then talking her way back onto their side (even tho most of the time it made no fucking sense what she was trying to do or how she was able to make the others work with her again) I just liked how important she was

what I didnt like was how much of her character was "breasted boobily down the stairs" they for some reason made her centuries old but keeping herself youthful by drinking the blood of virgin men after sleeping with them?? like okay (I dont at all mind that she liked to get it like good for her! they just kinda made it weird cause she always thinking about it) her not wearing much clothes was brought up a LOT and just talking about her "supple body" I get it she's sexy idk it just really derailed me every time and made me roll my eyes. they didnt at all bring up any of her lore from the game which also really bothered me and I think was the main reason I hated her being portrayed as she was in the book

in the game she's literally a slave to Vertigo as are all her people (magically bound to serve Vertigo) and Malyssa wants to free them she ends up tricking Vertigo and rewritting a spell that Vertigo thought would free herself into one that would free Malyssa and her people and then she leads her people with kindness and allows them to pursue freedom and happiness

which is like so good??? thats part of why I like Malyssa so much cause she's bound to one of the big bads of the series yet she herself isnt evil and wants to do good (at least for her people) I just love that for her and it feels like such a shame the book reduced her to just "sexy evil lady" (not that thats not a fun character type but just not for Malyssa I think)

anyway I know the book was just a silly thing written to promote a fighting game about giant dinosaurs so I dont hold it to being like the most amazing piece of literature ever written. It would have had to have been a lot longer to touch on all the characters lore (and honestly thinking of it now if we had instead gotten a series of books each focusing on the individual characters with a slowly intertwining story would have been amazing!!) at the end of the day I had fun reading it! But did just want to whinge a bit about the characters (because I love them a lot hhh)

[am-i-sans]

dnd adventures 41

we spent a long time talking about weed and shadow the hedgehog

inferno pops out of eeby deeby by tori oh no. frog says hi. tori is cursing at this lol. frog shows sunnie inferno's cat. suzy tackles him lol. frog introduces inferno to sunnie. inferno pretends to not know sunnie xD suzy says he told her to beat up sunnie. inferno got a 22 to deceive but sunnie also got a 22 wtf. sunnie trusts the kids more xD tori and sunnie just give each other a look.

suzy bites inferno for covering her mouth. clamped down lol. he manages to escape tho! tori says she normally tries to stop suzy but not when it involves inferno. inferno flips her off lol. cam goes eeby deeby. sunnie asks tori what inferno did, so much my guy.

dess and dans are still getting high. talking about how fucked up eeby deeby is. dess mentions another storage and freaks dans out. 'dess are you ok?' 'what do you think?' 'i think no but i wont push.' dans asks why dess joined this weird journey and she says she has a contract. cause of tall ass creepy elf man. cant talk about it cause contract stuff maybe lol. dans peeks in the bathroom on undyne shes snoring up a storm. he says his lawyer could help dess get out of her contract xD his lawyer is gaster and hes a nerd. dess says "oh 2 of them thats weird." "yeah thats weird."

suzy is poking inferno lol. run away inferno! sunnie asks if thats normal xD tori asks if sunnie is in town long. not long just research. inferno is still running from suzy lol. frog makes sunnie put them on his shoulders. sunnie is ghost hunting? he doesnt believe in ghosts tho like wtf xD frog says cam got possessed by a ghost lol. sunnies like what?! tori's like yeah lol. sunnie is also a flat earther nooooooo!

inferno is just walking randomly. he walked in a loop oh no welcome back. suzy pokes him again lol. tori is critiquing sunnie for not believing shit he writes xD suzy kicks inferno in the shin. sunnies next research is a haunted house outside of town. let frog go! sunnie pretends to not know infernos name and tries to take his name xD 'wouldnt you like to fucking know.' tori is surprised he still does that lol.

lady of the house set fire to it and killed everyone side, sounds familiar. very ironic. he was invited to investigate by a fan of his books. a bit sus. sunnie is fucking blind. both tori and sunnie said no ghost hunting DX tori tucks suzy under her arm like a football. tori has sunnie kneel and she peels frog off his head. tori mentions undyne is out of commission and inferno gets excited.

dans and dess finished the boof and now shes pacing. dans is a bit worried. undyne sings in her sleep xD. dans asks dess if shes worried about berdly. kinda but theres a lot on her mind. 'what are you a cop?' fuck no xD he says again she doesnt need to tell him if she doesnt want to, hes just all ears. shes worried from the crossover event cause she didnt appear in spingledorfs future. dans says maybe she just settled down somewhere. she cant go home, same buddy. 'you are fucked up and abnormal. i like you.' dans is so high he sees 3 of her lol. this is her first time seeing a bearded dans lol.

as dess and dans hang out undyne starts sleep walking and broke the bathtub. dans tries to lead her toward the bed and she fucking smacks him wtf. dess throws a snowball in her face to wake her up. doesnt work and she barrels toward dess. dess tries to restrain undyne with magic but since shes high it turns into wild magic lol. dess is blue now oh no and undyne slams into her and they fall over.

group 1 arrives at the hotel. sunnie pats frog on the head he was glad to meet them. tori asks if theyll see him tomorrow. suppose they will! tori sends the kids upstairs. inferno follows. they see undyne outcold ontop of a blue dess. dans is trying to pull her off dess. she wakes up finally. shes so confused lol. dess shuffles away lol. dans hands her some water. he tells her she was sleepwalking and smacked him in the nose for a nosebleed lol. and destroyed the bathtub. inferno says tori wont let us go to a haunted house. dess calls undyne a murder slut xD dans tells inferno theres a soap cart at the end of the hall lol then removes dess blue curse.

tori comes up and is very concerned. dans asks how brother time was and dess takes it the wrong way and then walks into a wall. cam pops out of eeby deeby by dess with an egg in their mouth xD dans catches tori up on what happaned with them. suzy and frog ask tori what cannabis is xD ask again in 10 years.

we long rest and frog is very energetic and they want to see sunnie. breakfast first kiddo. dess tells frog cannabis is a plant lol. cam says dess really likes quests. undynes got a headache and dess picks up frog from jumping on her. dess says she saw frog die 40 times or so. like girl what. tori of course really hates that. after breakfast frog runs out and starts asking people where the haunted house is.

frog you smell like weed stop that xD the guy just runs.dans is just having vani sniff out sunnie and undyne follows him. haunted house! frog just runs in okie dokie. frog avoids a hole then starts yelling for sunnie. time to split up! very burnt home. are we sure this isnt tori's family? after a long investigation i didnt bother writing, inferno sees a ghostly woman. cam returns to eeby deeby lol. undyne just wants to leave. ghost lady hates the husband guy i guess. sunnie isnt here.

[book-and-cartoons]

A Pair Of World Breakers (Wanda and Peter Parker)

(not a ship just found family idea I had)

disclaimer: I haven't watched DSITMV in awhile or SNWH in awhile so some facts may be off

summery: Wanda appears in NYC and Peter helps her

I leave work another draining day washing dishes and cooking, since I don't have a college to go to anymore I started working for this small business it isn't great and my manager is a bitch but at least it pays the bills for the most part.

I make it to my apartment, I hear the upstairs neighbors screaming and yelling at each other, the walls are cracked and the paint is pealing but at least it has q roof and can keep out most of the cold New York air.

I clime in bed and groan as my head hits the pillow, I roll over to my back and stare up at the ceiling, hearing the yelling still continuing "I did not think this is where I'd be at the stage in life" I mumble.

The next morning I wake up making myself a cup of coffee before my spidery sense kick in, I sigh quickly changing into my suit and stuffing a set of clothes in my back before leaving through the ally fire scape and swinging towards the danger

I expect a robbery or a petty villian but instead i see the scarlet witch or Wanda who looks terrified standing in the middle of traffic of course she doesn't remember who I am but doesn't mean I cant help as spiderman

"Scarlet Witch?" I ask calmly as I land on the ground "who are you?" Her Russian accent has thickend since I last saw her or I could just be here fear

"I'm spiderman a friend to the late iron man do you know where you are?" I ask slowly inching closer, she notices and turns her hands towards me "don't come closer" she states firmly.

I pause my steps, "Wanda, that's your name right?" I say acting like I don't know she nods "Wanda, I can help you but I need you to lower your hands first ok?" I ask

She hesitant, I can tell by the way she tenses looking around her at all the scared people's faces, she relaxs an lowers her hands.

I breath a sigh of relief and careful walk over to the older woman, "let's get you out of the street" I say taking her over to a bench.

It was only a matter of time before the cops show up but I don't know if we can go anywhere so we sit anyway.

"How do you know my name?" She asks "I know a lot about you Wanda, but it doesn't matter how, I do have a question for you though if you'll let me ask" I state

She nods "no offense but aren't you supposed to be dead?" I ask I heard about everything that happened with her trying to find her kids again but how is she alive.

She frowns "I, I didn't die I made the other wizard think I died so I could escape but I've been living back in my home country for the past several months then I wond up in your strange city" she says.

I nod trying to understand everything "why do I feel like I know you? Like under the mask?" She pondered out loud.

I go to say something but I hear sirens, "we've got to go your in a little bit of trouble with the police here, follow me" I say standing up and rushing through the ally ways to where I work, silently groaning because I'm already late for my shift.

"I have to go but I'll have a friend come see you ok? Dont move" I state before sneaking in the back window and changing into my normal clothes and walking to meet Wanda.

"I'm peter, Peter Parker Spiderman's friend" I state walking up to the red head she looks at me before using her magic and changing into her blending in clothes.

"Wanda, so your Spiderman's friend?" She asks I nod "I have a work shift I have to do but you are welcome to sit inside until my shift is over or until spiderman comes back" I said knowing full well the second one wouldnt happen.

She nods and follows me inside sitting at a table by herself, I head to the back thankfully my manager wasn't there so I won't be yelled at.

I put on my apron and get to cooking, I give Wanda a wrong order that I couldn't server before heading back to the kitchen she sits there quietly and confused.

My mind wandered to trying to figure out how she got here with out flying her deliberately.

My shift was long and uneventful thankfully, I close up shop at around 8:00 before heading out to the lobby and sitting across from Wanda.

"Your spiderman" she says plainly I shake my head "no I'm not" I say trying to brush her off "you don't have to lie peter, I can read your mind I'm not as naive as most people" she states.

I sigh, yeah I forgot about that part, "but I still can't forget the feeling of knowing you before" she says

"Your not the only one" I sigh she looks at me confused so I decided to tell her I mean she already knows I'm spiderman might as well.

"Everybody found out that I'm spiderman and it was making my life very difficult so I decided to try to fix it so I asked strange to help me but it back fired badly and instead of everyone just forgeting I'm spiderman everyone forgot peter Parker in general" I say summing up the whole delema

"So you messed with the fabric of space and time?" She asks I nod "yeah that never ends well" she sighs looking out the shop window at the dimly lit street.

"A pair of world breakers" I sigh before laying my head on the table I feel her eyes on me so I sit up and stare at her I small smile crosses her face.

And a mutual silent agreement passed between us, that we were all each other had and that we had both lost everything and nothing at the same time

"I know we don't know each other well peter but we are together in this, I'm still grieving the loss my son's and husband but I'm here for you Peter if you ever need someone" she says

I feels myself relax a little, "and Im still grieving the loss of my aunt and friends as well as tony but I'm here for you too" I say we sit there quietly we both lost our families but maybe we can grieve together and be ok once again….

[I hope this made since just a little headcanons idea I had if for some reason you want a part to let me know]

[evilminji]

I mean.... there ARE immortals on the planet? But they are largely creeps? Imagine trying to get your sex-ed info out of Ra's AL Ghul or Vandal Fuckin Savage.

IMAGINE IT.

That is the hell we have put Bruce in. Doctor Fate MIGHT know, being a lord of Order. But he might ALSO just go "ew, fleshy human mortal body functions. Fuck if I know, man. Wanna hear about some Order(tm), instead?" So THATS useful. Just...

*slams open the watchtower break room door* "Show of hands, who has credible working knowledge of Omegas?" "Like... like the myth?" "Flash, look to your left, at the Amazonian born of ACTUAL CLAY and magic, the to your right at the space cop who fight with the power of his feelings... and then ask me that again."

"Point taken. Question retracted."

(It's the Amazon's. Off COURSE they have knowledge of omegas. They HAVE OMEGAS. They were immortal Warrior women IN ISOLATION during the event and have the lavender[?] Beam thingy that heals pretty much anything. You think they WOULDNT break that out during a pandemic on their island? They just don't ever LEAVE the island. Cause fuck ya'll, the man's world is apparently diseased enough to KILL THEM ALL. Who KNOWS if it's still out there! Not to mention, now? NOW they can't exactly "blend in" you know?)

(But also he gonna have to tell Diana WHY first. Cause like FUCK is she gonna just "here a major reason for you psychos to invade our island" @TheMansWorld? She loves you guys, she does, but there are things you DONT ADVERTISE OR SHARE in a world of mentally and morally unsound supervillians. Right, BRUCE?)

Danny covered his nose with his hand. Where ever he landed smelled absolutely foul, like rotten fruit and burning tires mixed with chem lab.

"Remind me to bring a face mask the next time I explore the Infinite Realms." He muttered, before kicking a soda can down the alley he was in and being repulsed by the squelch sound it made when it came into contact with a very questionable looking puddle, "Better yet, a gas mask." He glanced at the puddle again, "Or I could go full Hazmat." Clockwork had told him this world was full of superheros and villians and to steer clear of it, but once he learned there were aliens in this world he couldn't help himself. Danny had always been weak to his curiosity, but he liked to believe he was cautious, and chose to stay in his Phantom for for added protection.

Turning on his heel he exited onto a deserted street lined on one side by a chain-link fence. The sky above him was filled with clouds so ominous and dark that Danny honestly couldn't tell you if it was night or day, all he knew was that it was going to rain soon and hopefully these awful smells would be drowned out by the downpour.

Danny got his wish only minutes later. Thankfully Phantom was unbothered by the cold and could just bask in the rain as it fell apon him. A lesser known fact about ghosts is that thier clothes are made from thier ectoplasm and are part of thier bodies, much like a second layer of skin, so one would be able to feel things on thier clothes as easily as they would with thier bare skin. The level of sensitivity varies with the type of clothing however. All this to say Danny loved the feeling of the rivulets of rainwater traveling down his ghostly hazmat suit.

He was so preoccupied with enjoying the sensation that he didn't notice anything was wrong until he was jolted forward from the weight of someone landing on his back. The person was quick and precise, taking no time at all to have his wrists pinned behind his back and- weirdly enough- thier teeth digging into the material around his neck.

His parents designed the Hazmat suit Danny was wearing not only to deal with dangerous chemicals, but to fight supernatural foes. The area around the neck was reinforced with the intention of protecting against fatal gunshots and decapitations so naturally someone's jaw wasn't going to be enough to break through to his neck.

Danny let out a laugh as the person kept chewing on his neck like a confused puppy. Oh, Danny thought, they've gone feral. It was odd for someone to go feral but it could occur when a person has gone through something traumatic recently or through extreme stress. It made sense since the person ridding piggy back on him was dressed like a superhero. Danny wondered if that was why the person didn't have a scent. Danny learns facepalmed when he remembered that scentblockers existed and not everyone's scent dramatically changed whenever they went out as a hero. The scent change was probably one of the few things that have kept him alive up to this point to be honest.

"So, I guess you're not going to tell me why you're chewing on my neck like the worlds most pathetic vampire, are you?" No one deserves that title more than the fruitloop to be honest. He made a mental not to use that one against Vlad the next time he saw him.

Chewy whined at this, seeming to slump a bit from the apparent failure to bite him. What was that about? Was this actually a vampire? How would a vampire even react to Dannys ecto-blood combo meal anyway? Would it be like food poisoning? Or would it taste amazing from one undead to another. "I'm not exactly human, are you sure you wanna bite me? I might not taste so good." Danny warned, but the moment he mentioned letting the person bite him they were eager again.

Danny chuckled and unzipped the material only a bit before it was loose enough to move out of the way. The vampires bite came with a sharp pain like he expected but there was no suction. No drinking of blood. Just some weirdo biting Danny on the neck. Huh.

Danny hoped he didn't get rabies from this.

He must have accidentally said that out loud as there was a small laugh from the rooftops above them. There stood another person in a superhero outfit with some really tall dude dressed as a giant bat, and that was when Danny decided to bail. It was one thing to let a maybe vampire bite you in a random street in the middle of the night but more of them? And ones a big scary furry? Hard pass.

Phantom did as Phantoms do and went invisible and intangible, escaping from Biteys jaws and startling the heros. He ignored the distressed whine Munchy let out after loosing their spookyest chew toy and quickly rubbed the scent gland near dannys jaw on the top of thier head as an act of comfort before bolting.

----

Danny poked at the bite mark on his neck. Screw rabies, he better not get turned into a werewolf. He didn't need that on top of his ghostly crap. Sam seemed fascinated by the mark, after all, it wasn't every day that Danny got a scar, especially one so obvious. Most injuries heal quickly and leave no trace of him ever being injured in the first place which helped a lot in keeping his secret identity.

Luckily Danny hadn't needed to lie to mom and dad. He truthfully told them about some wierdo jumping off of a nearby rooftop and plunging thier teeth into his neck and that two other people had tried to corner him during this. He assured his mom that he had gotten away quickly but was a little shaken by it and his dad praised him for being brave and managing to escape.

That was nice. But he still had to figure out what was up with this bite...and why he felt so compelled to go back to that city.

Back to that hero.

-----

Aka an A/B/O au where in Danny's universe all the Alphas are extinct and the betas followed soon after and the DC universe all the Omegas went extinct and betas followed after . Not like a "they finally went extinct in the 1700s after centuries of thier numbers dwindling" thing and became a myth/fairytale (tho I like that too) but a "this might be the missing link between cave men and modern humans" kinda thing.

Its up to you which bat bit Danny and exactly what that means. I love abo aus without smut cause there's so much potential for chaos and I am very much ace.

[xfriki26]

I really enjoy your LM3 headcanons! Do you have any headcanons about the boss ghosts? Whether it be how they lived, how they died, etc.

I really need someone to talk to about LM3 because none of my irl friends like it that much lol.

Be ready, because I have TONS of headcanons.

Steward:

Died arround 1950 ,he worked in life in a hotel, he had pretty bad times and never sleep very well, he also was always overworking, one day he fell down the stairs and broke his neck and lots of important bones, killing im immediately.

Chambrea:

lived in the 19 century. She was always a sweet person and a lovable friend, she liked to read love novels and imagine she was the protagonist. The man she worked for was secretly a psycopath and when Chambrea discovered this by accident he din't hesiate in killing her.

Kruller:

His only dream was to be a true police officer, but only could became a simple mail cop, he was often bulied cause his weight and died one night when a robber shoted him in the chest.

Chef soulfle:

The chef only had one rule, nobody could enter the kitchen while he was working, he din't trust anyone and always thought they could backstab him in any moment, but when he a accidentaly locked up himshelf in the freezer there was nobody that could help him.

Amadeus wolfgeist:

That man was a prodigy of music, for years he was number one in clasical music talents, but when they told him that a young mussician started to gain more affection than him he snapped, he had the strongest rage feeling ever seen and exactly that caused a deathly heart attack to him.

King Macfrights:

He never expected a revelion, he thought his kingdom loved him, what a fool he was, the town reveled against him, they humiliated him in front of everyone, insulting him in the worst way posible only to cut his head as the end of the torture.

Dr. Potter:

A lot of people know his great sucess in botanics, a brilliant man surely that thought the plants as his true friends, but the time passed and the people started forgeting him, leaving him alone until his hour finaly came.

Morty:

In most people opiniones Morty was the worst director you could ever meet, they always told him his ideas din't "fit with the brand" or they were just ridiculous, he thought the pills was the faster way to end his miserable life.

Ug:

The older one in the hotel he belonged to a group of hunters that formed his family, he was killed by a t-rex in an attemp to save his tribe from the attack.

Clem:

Clem was dirty, lazy, and the list continues he was the clasical weirdo you wouldnt want to be arround you, he worked and lived in the sewers, what a same he wasnt able to scape the day they flooded.

Serpci:

She was the most respected queen in her family line, an strict but fair monarch that always protected their people, when the invasors came she quickly took her army into the batlefield, but an infortunate sandstorm came and drowned her and everyone else, the invasors ended up destroying her kingdom.

Nikki, lindsey and ginny:

The triple trouble triplets, always very creative and apasionate whith their fantastical magic tricks at a very young age, their show ended the day they theatre they were working set on fire and burned whith the girls inside.

Captain fishook:

The most feared pirate in the sea, famous for trowing his enemies to the sharks and turning them into fish food, but ironicaly when the royal guards attacked his ship they trow him to the sea only to see the sharks closer than ever.

Johnny Deepend:

The guy was perfect! He was strong, pretty, had the best life anyone could desire and was a master in sports, specialy the acuatic ones , obiously he dint expect getting stuck into the bottom of the pool and drown.

Dj Phantasmagloria:

A total party animal, she was the one that made the rules in the night club, but for some reason she wanted to wear a wig most of the time, in one specialy wild night some wires snapped, electrocuting her.

Hellen gravely:

"How did a woman come so far?" the people usually asked when they saw Gravely, the most powerfull women at her time in the hotel buisness, mostly despised by the other buisness mans, her live ended inside her best hotel when this one collapsed.

---------------

Really hope you liked the headcanons!

[placidsloth]

things customers have said to me

im actually done collecting pokemon cards, shoes are kinda like my passion now. plus id rather drive my car down to florida full of shoes rather than my pokemon cards (its two binders dude its literally smaller than one shoebox)

get anything new in? (greg you were here yesterday, nothing has changed)

do you have this comic book store specific cover variant of this comic that came out today? i know its not this comic book shop, but i figured you might still have it (we're a very small store ha ha... that means no)

could you get me this 20 year old comic? your distributor should have it right?

yeah this comic has an important first appearance in it, i'm surprised you guys have any copies left. (yes because avengers #58 or whatever that came out 3 weeks before is such an important issue, thats why we only ordered one and sold none)

do you even know who damian wayne is? you know dick grayson isn't robin anymore, right?

do you sell manga? (sir this is a comic book store, any manga we have is entirely an accident)

you know, they use anti-depressants to keep sexual deviants and sociopaths like ted bundy from wanting to have sex while in jail, i dont understand why they dont just give everyone anti-depressants because literally every person is a little bit of a sociopath. i think putting anti-depressants in the water supply would probably reduce the number of jackasses in the world (terrifying thanks)

i thought that guy was gonna come at you when you said your boss was going to come talk to him about his order lol. i work with cops a lot and he reminded me of a junky looking to score a hit. but you handled that really well! good job! (way to make me feel safe dude)

no but the bionicle comic was one of the top selling comics of the year when it came out (somehow im not so sure about that.)

i wish there was a comic with like the members of the batfam you don't get to see usually (well actually there's an ongoing batgirls title, and tim drake has a mini-series-) no but like a good one, you know? (-.-)

how am i supposed to know what comic this is? (did you try looking at the back? it should have the name there) yeah it wasnt there (are you sure? flip it over for me?) okay i swear that wasnt there before

oh wow why is this comic so expensive? why would anyone pay $500 for a comic they cant even read? (i ask myself that every day)

damn i thought that guy was gonna lose it at you when you said you didn't have that item haha

nah man i just want venom stuff. i like to think of myself as the anti-hero of my life (i had to drop my stapler and lean down to pick it up so they wouldnt see me laugh at them)

wow, in the time ive been here, youve gotten hit on by three different guys! does that happen a lot? (i do not remember being hit on, i remember helping customers and chatting with them?)

so you're like 16 right? how long have you been working here? (4 years... i'm 23...)

oh i wasnt expecting to see a girl working here! are you the owners daughter/girlfriend/wife? (no thank god)

man if only my mom/wife/girlfriend/mother-in-law didnt give away/get rid of/lose/burn/throw out my comics/pokemon cards/magic cards i could be a millionaire right now (x to doubt)

[floralkittygambler]

Based on the new signed work for hazbin

looks like shitty h/skerd/st may end up canon, even though once again husk looks uncomfortable and pissed off by angel, but you cant literally criticise angel without the whole fucking fandom and even staff get pissy with you. accept that not everyones gonna love him, and folks like me whove been victims to these sorts *really* dont fucking like him (to be clear, his predatory nature of not accepting husk saying no but magically accepting other's no, incl alastors. also he tried to force a kiss from husk, similar to how his boss does to him so theres no fucking excuses. its disgusting and male victims of sex crimes are fucking valid, so stop excusing angels actions. he didnt deserve to be a victim but hes not doing favours by making a victim out of husk. its clear harassment. not cute or tsundere either, vile fujoshis-). but most relate or love angel so validate this shit, much like viv and her staff and vas. revolting. he also gives sw a bad name when hes fucking harassing folks bc sw isnt like that - you dont just harass someone. nor is sex your entire identity.

ugh fed up man. im starting to enjoy this fandom so little yet the few characters i am attached to keep me around. hell ive said before ive been around husk like people and they often really dislike angel types, whereas angel types adore them rather shallowly tbh. yeah but honestly this fandom and the clowns running it will find an excuse for angel and avoid those actually affected as always. big surprise...

husk physically resembles angels brother, dad and client, and is similar to the first two. its this toxic bond of angel wanting that love he never got from them. basic science. plus both addicts and one being older than his fuckin dad means realistically it wouldnt work. love does not cure everything nor should be pushed to. ones uncomfortably forced into it, and his bonding moments makes husk ooc because hes portrayed totally different to how he would be. again, experience. overall we get enough of this toxic, forced shit in media. just stop.

angel needs to sort his own shit before being with a guy. and then he needs to be with a guy on his level, around his age and mentality whos in a healthy spot. someone similar to him. hell a male cherri bomb would suit. as for husk, he needs a lot more work thatll take far longer. he needs to love himself and work through his own shit and be like that for awhile first. seen it first hand kill so

before anyone goes 'its fiction' yeah? well then explain how shit like many toxic ideals in romcoms or hell, how male victims of sex crimes are treated as a fucking joke still when its not funny, or hey how about that the only chemistry is this bitter distaste and onesidedness thats shallow af. or how shit like 'killing stalking' and whatnot are seen as cute romances by fans very similar to the point its this sorta dumb shit people romanticise, fantasize and normalise - young people. hell adults too esp immature ones.

its not healthy.

its really not.

and being on the receiving end makes you sick to your stomach and paranoid on others intentions for you.

every glance or touch is an attack. every remark, a hidden message. thats what we're left with.

as for the blokes, they get the extra of being a 'joke' and not a 'real man', that they should 'enjoy' it.

fuck off

also to grow you need to accept not everyone will like or love you. angel irl and in fiction seems mostly adored whether its shallow or not. making a character that dislikes him be his lover is a shit cop out and bad writing just like helluva. we get it, he hates rejection. dont we all. but no one grows without it. hell angel wold benefit from a guy telling him no and sticking to that for him to just accept.

because media shows that fandoms and celebs are now littered full of spoilt folks getting their own ways, seeing any critique or disinterest as 'hate' and being the most entitled buncha twats going. not everyones going to love you or care and that doesnt mean theyre a hater. if viv actually wants a likeable character with flaws to grow, she'd actually show angel's bad as not just him being a fucking victim as its just a mix of victim blaming and entitlement to get what he wants for being a victim when life aint fair. show him with traits more widely despicable thatll shock fans. actually show him accepting people not liking him and being ok rather than forcing himself on them until they do. fucking disgusting. though everyone thinks thats cute. bloody weird-

just like his creator, he wont grow and improve. theyve hired a fucking r'pe fetisher for gods sake. the whole viv and hired folks are a mess...

[heddailler]

Thoughts on how this would play out under the cut

- Takes place mostly in King's Landing (the capital of the seven kingdoms)

- Bruce is the crown prince. His parents get assassinated making him king at a young age. Falcone is the head of a powerful nobel family and hand of the king (the king's main advisor/ second in command) and he basically runs everything. I think we could have an interesting tension between these two.

- Alfred is the commander of the kings guard (knights who protect the king)

-Gordon and Bullock are in the city watch (they're cops)

-I have big plans for Fish. She is a business woman and a brothel owner. She's pretty rich and powerful but not necessarily very respected in this society. At some point she dies, like in s1 of Gotham, and gets brought back through some mysterious magic. Word starts spreading about how she came back to life, and slowly she starts getting really popular with the common people of the city and becomes almost like a religious figure to them. She probably calls out corruption among the rulers. (I think she is still power hungry and self serving, but she has a point)

-Ed starts off training to become a maester ( they are scholars + healers). I'm thinking of taking him in a mad scientist direction, maybe bro is trying to find the key to immortality, maybe he is trying to revive his beloved Kristen (there are no women at maester school but I wanna find some way to include Kristen idk how)

-Oswald already acts like he's in Game of Thrones tbh. He works for Fish, betrays her, becomes her rival etc etc. Also he is the's the illegitimate son of a semi important noble man, but lives with his mother of course

- Ed and Oswald both do something that gets them sent to The Wall to join the Night's watch (the Night's watch protect the realm from ice zombies and other scary stuff. Joining them is a punishment for basically any crime) Oswald for killing Theo Galavan or something similar. Ed for doing some sort of horrible, abomination to the gods, mad scientist shit. And that's how they meet! :D

-Something happens so they can escape before they get to The Wall and they somehow get back to King's Landing (i know these bitches wouldnt survive in the wild please suspend your disbelief) and i think Oswald should somehow meet his dad, like in s2, and get made into a legitimate heir and maybe his dad dies too. With this new standing he can start his political career for real!

-Maybe Ed gets really interested in the Fish Money cult and how she came back to life

-I think Sofia Falcone should be in this. I kinda want a Sofia and Oswald political marriage. I think it would be horrible for everyone involved. Weddings are always a good idea in the game of Thrones world :)

Gotham (2014) Game of Thrones au (its a great idea hear me out)

[friendlylocalwhumper]

a long reply to a long anon criticism. deals with race, and oppression as written in whump fiction.

here are a series of asks sent to me about an hour ago, raising a concern/issue with my writing:

1/? dude. i was reading your recent story where emory (a young, gay, black man) was beaten by the cops and i finally had to say something. all your stories where he sits there and worries about how his white boyfriend is the target of police brutality bc of some form of oppression YOU (a presumably non-black person) got to make up?? those have rlly left a bad taste in my mouth, but the one where you actually torture your black character to show how bad the white one has it put me over the edge.

2/? these are real issues. ig i was able to ignore you using systematic brutality as “a fun prompt to write about!” when race wasnt rlly a factor in your stories, but as soon as emory got introduced it became more and more inappropriate of you to twist these ideas. “wouldnt it be sad if lux got beat up just for being a warlock 😔” yeah. and his bf is black, and hes in danger of that every day.

¾ as bad as just ignoring actual brutality was, having to read a story where a young, gay, black man was graphically beaten by police officers for YOUR pleasure, for FUN, when it wasn’t even his race that put him in that position (which isnt even ur place to write abt for torture porn but at least its addressing a real issue) but the fact that he was mistaken as the class you made up and chose to make oppressed?? that was wildly inappropriate.

4/4 this isnt hating on your writing or whatever, so dont call it that and pretend its anything other than informing u of what you can and cant speak about. a reminder of your lane. these arent your concepts to play with, stick to a singular whumper or whatever and cool it on the police brutality since u dont know how to handle it (presuming there even IS a way to handle this correctly as a whump device, which im not convinced there is)

bonus/4 pls dont do the white person thing of just ignoring those messages or going “no its not racist. i know bc i dont think it is/ i say its not.” like. im just genuinely letting you know it’s inappropriate, and you dont get to say “oh its not! i didnt mean for it to be so its not!” so i would appreciate it of you would take it into consideration or at least address it

my response:

there’s some context that i think you’re missing, in terms of how lux’s world came about. i’m gonna try to explain it without sounding like i’m trying to veer off-topic.

the world in which lux and emory live is a dystopia. is it a dystopia because i enjoy thinking about, writing, and daydreaming about systemic oppression? no. oppression isn’t a trope that i particularly enjoy; it’s not, like, something i’m into, you know? the only reason that i set it up like this, with brutal cops and propaganda and general public hatred of this class of people, is because i needed an excuse for lux to get hurt often. i wanted to write him getting beat up, didn’t matter if it was by friends or enemies or assassins or aliens. just as long as i had some kind of general excuse, a plausible reason for him to get hurt as often as i tend to write. so i made a fictional society where people get hurt a lot. lux happened to have magic, thanks to the original prompt that inspired his creation, so i figured he could get targeted for that. that’s why lux, a white boy, is targeted for having magic, and why magic users are oppressed in the universe i made up.

i know that these are real issues. i am white, as you guessed. inherently, i will never truly know what it is like to be oppressed as a black man. i understand why this raised alarm bells for you, and why you felt the need to tell me about your discomfort - to stop my writing of these characters in this universe.

but do i agree with your point that i can’t write oppression because i am white? no. just like i think it’s okay for anyone to write sensitive topics like abuse, torture, conditioning, murder, and assault if they are careful and respectful enough about it. race is a super precarious subject matter, as it should be, because there is a lot of real-life suffering and fear tied into it. i don’t get to decide what’s racist and what’s not.

but i am not fetishizing oppression - or, at least, what i am doing is no different from what other whump writers dealing in sensitive subject matters do. i am utilizing fiction, which will always parallel real life in some way, to create a story that i enjoy writing and reading. i want to hurt lux, so i created a world in which i could do that. i try to walk the tricky line of writing diverse characters without just throwing characters of color around as if it automatically makes my content less white and one-dimensional. i also try my best not to give emory lines about his race, or give him backstory related to being particularly oppressed or privileged, because i don’t feel comfortable putting such words in a black character’s mouth as a white writer.

now for my last point: whump isn’t torture porn. just judging by your automatic wariness and word choice, i’m guessing that you’re not a whump writer. writers in this community are extremely careful. we tag excessively, use content warnings, and do everything we can to help readers avoid content they don’t want to be exposed to. we all know that whump entails the writing of torture, abuse, humiliation, gore, and many other things that, in real life, are terrible to suffer. that’s… kind of what whump is. there’s a general understanding, here, that we’re going to write such heavy things, employing something sort of like suspended disbelief, i guess, to let ourselves enjoy whump without stressing about the real-life parallels to the fiction.

so that’s my response to your criticism.

anon, i don’t really appreciate the fact that your last ask was a transparent bid to get me to publish your messages, but. well. i wanted to do my best to answer instead of just leaving these asks in my inbox.

[the-coolest-mallard]

Like a Kickass Guy | ASC

Louie gets high at Mei’s party and texts Nemo and Tae.

@justkeepdancing-nemo​ @moon-yeongtae​

Louie: holy shit u guyyyyyy Louie: shit has been going dowwwwwwwwn. Or upside down? down and up really lol Louie: i may not have muscles n shit but guess WHAT I DID Tae: hulked out and killed someone? Louie: woah man no! Duuuuuude have u seen me? impossible Louie: i'm too cute to go to jail yet Louie: i mean EVER Louie: im too cute to go to jail EVER Louie: did a keg stand lol. sorta Tae: whoa nice Tae: how you feelin? Louie: a m a z i n g Louie: you won't BELIEVE how good i am Louie: i felt like IRON - no. i felt like CAPTAIN AMERICA. LIKE A KICK ASS Louie: GUY Tae: nice dude i'm glad ur having fun Tae: is mark there Louie: he was here somewhere. he asked me to come Louie: dunno where he went. maybe he's with johnny idk Louie: but who cares lol Louie: i'm great Louie: no more sads Tae: wow you're really drunk huh? Louie: nooooooooooooo Louie: haha I was gonna drink Louie: but then this weird girl showed up Louie: and now i'm super

Tae: but you said you did a keg stand Tae: that's like drinking isnt it? Louie: is it? i thought it was just a hand stand on a keg lol Louie: who knows? not me Tae: i mean i guess Tae: what weird girl Louie: idk blond. weird. she wanted me to CHEAT ON MARK WTF Louie: i mean she seriously helped me out but also Louie: wtf Louie: weird. so weird. but we went to the bathroom and she Louie: gave me t his stuff n i'm like Louie: wow i mean i can't stop talking Louie: i think I've said some seriously stupid shit Tae: wait Tae: what? Louie: what? i didn't tell you anything stupid did I? Louie: i don't think i did. thank god. imaigngi f i told u that Louie: lololol i'd die forever Tae: louie what are you taking about what stuff Louie: stuff? which stuff Louie: im not tellig Tae: what did she give you Louie: ohhhhhhhhhhh Louie: oh i can tell u that haha Louie: she called it all kinds of weird stuff like snow white or whatever which is bizarre af but whatever Louie: i like sniffed it and it felt super whack Tae: LOUIE WHAT THE FUCK Louie: and then it was like Louie: wow Louie: idk man i wanted to not feel sad and i feel good now Tae: holy shit what the fuck i cannot believe Tae: louie that was so dumb Louie: you're so dumb! Louie: no that's not true Louie: you're my faovriedgof person ever Tae: where the fuck is nemo why isn't he here to tell you how stupid that was where are you Tae: you're at mei's right Louie: yeh i crashed lol Louie: well no mark and johnny wanted to crash Louie: and since mark's been cool and let me stay at his place i was like Louie: well i should probs go Tae: yeah well THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKING DONE COKE OR WHATEVER YOU DID jesus fuck Nemo: wait wtf did i just read Tae: yeah Tae: i have to go fucking get him Louie: why are you maddddd? im not bugging anyone! i'm having fun! Nemo: wait whats going on! Nemo: louie are you okay? Louie: i'm FINE Louie: i'm super Nemo: he did cocaine? Louie: super human Tae: he's at mei's party and he fucking YES Louie: you could say Louie: ughhh stop making this so big Tae: do you know how many kids my brother had to see in the hospital bc of drugs louie? Nemo: yeah that stuffs really bad Nemo: its human chemicals Nemo: do you feel okay? are you dizzy? Louie: do you know what else is bad? life. being sad. freddie mercury leaving too soon. presidents. earthquakes Nemo: louie D: Louie: tthe hunger games Tae: hey louie seriously how are you feeling like Tae: in your body Louie: that's a weird thing 2 akks dud Louie: im fine! Tae: okay but like Tae: if u close ur eyes and like idk try to feel what's happening like is your heart beating really fast? do you feel like puking? do you feel like you're moving? Louie: oh i mean yeah lol Louie: my heart is skipping faster n when i Louie: wait i gotta shut up shut up Nemo: tae yah is that bad? Nemo: would jun hyung know? Tae: i'm asking him right nwo Louie: so fussy you guys are fussy im gooood Nemo: louie just keep texting u ok Louie: look how good i am Louie: 

Nemo: very pretty Tae: yeah gorgeous how's your breathing Louie: wouldnt u like 2 kno Louie: how's your butt Louie: bet its still kicckable Tae: you have literally never kicked my ass at anything Tae: nemo does your appa know about this stuff? you probably shouldn't ask him huh? Louie: DON'T AOISFJPDOGN Nemo: its human drugs Nemo: so not really Louie: 4 THE LOV OF GOD Louie: that guy lredy probs haaaaaates me Nemo: his magic wouldnt work either i dont think Louie: im a toxin to freidn parnets Nemo: yeah if he ever finds out we woudl be banned from being in the same school i think he'd transfer me to that catholic place and appa hates catholicism Nemo: this is why you shouldnt do drugs louie :heart: dont yu wanna keep being my friend Louie: :cry: :cry: :cry: Louie: you're my best mate wgodidpsdggdfh Louie: you too tae Tae: wow rude Tae: oh okay Louie: wow Louie: dont be such a bitch tae Tae: well you started it when you did cocaine Louie: i used to think u were the coolest but maybe  im demoting u n promoing Louie: nemo Louie: nemo ur the new hottie Tae: the what Louie: what? Tae: louie i'm coming to get you Louie: whyyyyy the partys still partying Louie: ppl be FITIN Louie: man ud fit right in with your muscle bod Louie: well cept one fitghts girls Tae: where are you in the house Louie: idk the dance place. the life space Louie: where everyone is? Nemo: is jun going too? Nemo: aghaldkfjaskldfj Tae: yeah Louie: wait wait wait wait wait Nemo: ugh im sorry i cant be there Louie: where u going Nemo: louie im so sorry just keep texting us Louie: no Louie: i should dkslefadkad Tae: hey louie what's your favorite queen song Louie: skedlolde Louie: what? ohhhhh wow tough choice man i mean Louie: there are soooo many good SONGS Louie: lately i've been listening 2 somebody to love a lot cause i been dfpsogdpsjsd Louie: buuuuuut Tae: i like don't stop me now Louie: that's my OTHER FAVORITE Louie: man u vibe so well with me i hate it Louie: ha ha ha Louie: j k this is why we're bffs Nemo: hey queen was on the CD you gave me Nemo: ive been listening to it! Louie: reallyyyyy? did you like it? Louie: hey hey tae tae. taeeeeeeee. tae you should send a slefdie Louie: slefit Louie: sel fie Nemo: course! i love it Nemo: maybe i'll pick a song and choreo a dance for it Tae: you want a selfie? Louie: oooooo yes please nemo Louie: and def yes pls tae Louie: do smehthing cute Nemo [deleted]: ugh louiealkf Nemo: where's mark again? Nemo: im gonna text mark Louie: idkkkkkkk Tae: 

Louie: he went to do some stuff with johnny Louie: woahhhhhhhhh Louie: waogdisjdpsgjosg Louie: shit Tae: that's me coming to get ur dumb ass Louie: wait ur coming to get me? Louie: shit shit shit wait i gotta skedoled Louie: skedadled Tae: what? Louie: well much as i think ur great im ok Louie: also i thinkk hoooo shit Louie: gotta ifnd a window lol Tae: louie if you don't stay there i will fucking murder you Tae: i'm serious Louie: deth by tae or tdeth by uncle d when he fins out Louie: shit mn if i stay its a double featur Nemo: :/ Nemo: please louie, we're worried about you Nemo: we love you! we just want to make sure you're okay Tae: yeah Tae: you're gonna stay the night with me okay Louie: oh god Tae: it'll be great Louie: hahaahahahahahaha Louie: N E M O Louie: tell him why i suddenly Louie: sgosigdsgsdg Nemo: louie  i think you should Nemo: um drink water Louie: im good ill just find Louie: makr Louie: mark Nemo: that's also good please find mark Louie: n go to his place? Tae: what did i say Nemo: nothing he's on drugs Tae: i said stay put Louie: im really good thouuuugh Louie: n mark will look out for me Louie: marks nce Tae: well mark left u alone and you did cocaine so i mean not that that's his fault i'm just saying Nemo: ugh what if mark did cocaine Nemo: u dont think mark did cocaine did he Louie: dont blae me him 4 ME BEING ME Tae: DID MARK DO COCAINE Louie: honestly i dont dieossgodkh Louie: NO Tae: fuck Nemo: he might not have! we dont know Louie: i dont deesrve mrk naywayl ol Tae: nemo never do cocaine please Nemo: i cant see mark lee doing cocaine unless someone told him it was fun dip Louie: he n johnny were just doing fun stuff 2gether Tae: lmfao Nemo: id probably DIE if i did cocaine so dont worry ahha Nemo: big no no for fairies Louie: speaking of immenditd death Louie: we sure windows r no go Nemo: which is why u shouldnt do it solidarity c'mon louie Tae: if you aren't there when i get there i will be very upset Nemo: he will be Nemo: wont u louie Louie: im scared i dont want the lady 2 yell at me Louie: pls i wanna leave Tae: I'm almost there Louie: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD= Louie: what if i hid in the bathroom Nemo: its gonna be okay louie :heart: Nemo: just um, sing a little queen Louie: no its not ill be ded 4ever n dragged home n stuck with my asshole fam n never escape n ded Nemo: you won't be dead you'll be safe Louie: shit someone said its the COPS Louie: im double triple dead Louie: n thats bullshit Louie: my fam isnt safe they suuuuuuuck Tae: WHERE ARE YOU Tae: fuck there are so many people Louie: trapped in the prison of xistance Louie: a house of horrs Louie: horors Tae: i'm serious louie i can't find you Louie: just make urself taller Louie: ill see you Tae: i'm gonna yell for you Louie: ok ok ok Nemo: ugh fksjf

[ramblingshit]

Fright Night - 1985 - 3.5/5

Highly oversimplified fun ‘modern’ teen adventure book-style take on Dracula - i think?

i am having a fuckking awful night please let this be half okay at least funny like please. right we have some poor audio. tom holland is here? some chick is going on about how much she likes the dark - she’s mina? pale, red lips peeps are making out - it’s just someone squeaking their lips together and then letting go lmao wtf - it’s a tv show about vampires lol this acting is amazing i think its supposed to be he literally just went after her with the blunt end of the stake damn. some more squeaking kisses gross. kids making out, peter vincent is on TV or some shit. boyfriend has wandering hands and she’s told him twice to stop and now he’s bitching at her for not letting him feel her up and then she apologises? excuse me? and now he’s guilted her into doing it? oh damn that’s a nice chocolate coffin where’d he get those binoculars ahaha oh yikes that girl is not ready and now he’s ignoring her oh what is happening. mum’s getting involved. he wanted to fuck she didn’t then she wanted to fuck and he was distracted by some guys carrying a coffin into the basement of the house next door. he’s so distracted he’s completely ignoring his girlfriend.oh damn he pissed off his friend too this guy seems like a dumbass. ew gross oh my god she’s dressed like a prostitute what is that blue thing and the opaque beige hosiery is horrific. it’s funny at this point lots of these clothes are coming back into fashion. then there are those of course that must die and stay dead. damn a big ol scream from the house next door and a light went out. fuckin hell he wait she’s apologising for his  dumbass and said it’s her fault and he’s like yeah i suppose it was like what. i know this is supposed to be like this like he’s clearly supposed to be a terrible boyfriend but fuck he is barely pretending to care about her - he said ‘i love you’ and she’s gooing all over him. now he’s ignoring her again and here’s his weird looking friend who thinks its hilarious oh my god she slapped a hamburger cheese onion and tomato hamburger patty on his face disgusting but damn he deserves it. whoop a guy in the basement just saw this kid snooping - is he seriously just gonna open this guy’s basement doors unsurprisingly dude came and snapped at him like wtf you think you’re doing. he’s obsessed with this house all of the sudden? eating chips at his window with his binoculars. now asleep in that chair and hot damn there’s a couple about to fuck  and tittiiiiiieesssssss. oh damn mate is a vampire looking straight at the kid through the window. just staring. then closes the window with long ass fingers with long yellow nails. just woke his mum up like ma new guys a vampire and she’s like fuck off and he’s sneaking about outside what the hell is this kid on. oh they’re carrying out bodies in garbage bags and what i think they’re trying to show they’ve got sick powers or something there’s this synth beat in the background those are the largest collar flap things i’ve ever seen and that red scarf is sick a lot is happening bro red scarf dude just caught annoying kid charlie spying at them from the hedges. oh shit he’s screaming at his mother and his girlfriend what an ass - Amy is obsessed with their relationship, Mum thinks he’s having a nightmare. he’s the dumbass in the horror movie - running around screaming, telling everyone the guys a vampire killing people getting the police involved like dumbass what teh fuck this is gonna be embarrassing you think if they really are vampires they’re gonna be dumb enough to let themselves get caught. oh what he’s yelling again and interesting there’s a painting of a blonde version of Amy. is this dracula 1980s version. the house is all cobwebs and old timey shit. dumbass getting screamed at by the cop for screaming about his neighbour being a vampire he’s got no evidence but just keeps screaming. you deserve to die like 0% self-preservation skills m8. is he racing home no to his friend’s house his weird friend who’s somewhat more mental than this dumbass - give him eight bucks to tell him how to protect himself from a vampire attack he’s listing off stereotypical shit but i doubt any of this will be legit they all like dangling those and scoffing at them. he’s nailing his window shut but hey guess who mum’s invited innnnnnnnnn ahahahahahahah lol oh damn who sits in a chair like that well hello bruce banner hot edition. hm his fingers look normal now. aahahhaha oh fuck he out here telling charlie he wouldnt have come to visit unless he had been invited and now that he had been he would be over whenever he liked. charlie the dumbass is not trying to hide how terrified he is out here backing away, eyes wide, shaking, Jerry the vampire just staring at him. 'see ya! soon.’ scrambling up the stairs - like just mayyyyybe you shouldn’t have immediately done all you can to piss off the guy you think is a vampire. cause now he’s on your roof. i can’t believe his name is Jerry. this is so 80s. this music man. who chills in a button up shirt all tucked in . is that a mouse? or the trees scratching oh shit jerry’s after the mum. or not. oh fuck there’s no reflection in the mirror and he just broke her door? oooop he’s in dumbass’ roommmm or is he - yep he was hiding in the closet???? is this a metaphor??? howdily hoodily. oh damn yeeted him into his closet. they’re not giving bruce banner very good camera angles. we’re only 30 minutes in and he and the vampire are chilling out, being held up by his throat - ohh broody vampire time. bruce no don’t throw him out the window that’s so obviousoh but damn there’s he’s gonna stake him with a pencil ahaha what oh fuck nosferatu time damn all because of a pencil fuck that is not sexy. he looks like a lord of the rings troll. they both look hella nervous that mum’s knocking on the door. he threatened to kill him, offered him a choice for them to forget each other, he said nah, he tried to kill him, he stabbed him with a pencil, then he roared all scary and buggered off. odd. now he’s just sat down and watched some–dracula ahaha he’s watching dracula? now he’s calling him up ahaha staring at him through the window calling him up on the phone. 'you started this - im gonna finish it!’ like calm down vampire man the boy is a dumbass. this is cheesy but like okay. he legit seems like a proper dumbass teenager kid all overexcited and dramatic and learning all he knows from TV oh damn he’s like a school shooter, wife beater kinda kid though. ahah shitting on friday the 13th calm down that’s a good movie. does this peter vincent actually believe in vampires cause this kid is hoping he does - he’s got those brown elbowed jacket how old is this high school aged kid. ejesus what the fuck is that moped holy shit. white sneakers that blue knitwear holy shit what the fuck what the fuck charlie dead eyes, monotone sitting in his bedroom he’s filled with religious paraphernalia, dozens of candles and stacks of wood he’s carving into stakes - his GF and friend come in like yo wtf m8 what is all this - he just shrugs and tells em he’s gonna go next door and stab the neighbour. um what the fuck jesus hes crazy he’s weird friend who can’t act thinks so too and eyy the peter vincent late night show is called 'Fright Night’ and the weird kid just said their situation is just like 'Fright Night’ and guess what this movie is called – this is pretty intense like how am I supposed to be taking this is it funny, is it dramatic? this kid looks like he’s gonna pass out he’s having some sort of episode. 'hey amy, you don’t believe me do you.’ 'i love you charlie.’ hm vincent knows whats up amy and weird kid go to see him to help their crazy friend and he’s like oh yeah that insane kid he needs a psychiatrist yo ahaha gets fired gets an eviction notice refuses to help the kids cause he’s very busy about to get rich she’s like i’ll pay you - how much he asks immediately - she tells him—i’ll take it, no hesitation ahaha we’re not even half in? oh damn vincent is in love with his acting i think his shows used to be a lot more popular and now he’s sad and fading and ey its bruce banner all bedraggled they literally called him up to ask if they could go over with dumbass and prove to him brucey boy is not a vampire he thinks its hilarious like damn just calling up vampires and shit i love it so casual like he’s just a neighbour not all heavy handed but needs a little less cheese but eh who can find a golden middle did he just eat a banana. holy hot damn her outfit - he’s outfit, holy shit vincent is here all in his role dressed as the vampire killer, performing for dumbass - damn the house does look appropriately spooky tho god this kid doesn’t shut up they all just wandering into the vampire’s house - Charlie gets a special greeting and here is ol mate all dramatic in a fucking turtleneck please kill me. he’s eating food again? whoop amy and bruce banner just had a moment she’s so pretty but her hair is so fukn eighties and now he’s kissing her hand and she’s giggling and biting her lip 'oh god, he’s neat!’ he didn’t drink that he totally used a tricky magic trick dunno how but he didn’t drink that. Charlie isn’t wrong - pulled out a cross and Bruce Banner jumped back and his jim carrey lackey stepped forward and Banner is threatening his friends like fuck off - 'so you’re finally convinced im not a vampire?’ *completely insincerely, through his teeth* 'yes.’ oh damn all was well then vincent saw he had no reflection - let’s call the police! broody vampire time oh damn found some glass from the mirror. lol that’s the creepiest alley 'pencil dick’ 'chicken shit’ nice. ahaha weird kid giving him shit 'fruitcake’ i hope he leaves him alone like surely its in his best interest to leave the guys who are convinced he’s not a vampire to live? the way he’s dragging amy around is pretty messed. it doesn’t make sense for the weird kid to die. like he doesn’t believe mate is a vampire. but now he will so? that trenchcoat is horrific the shoulders are like double his width he’s just slow walking toward him while weird kid is scrambling about tripping over rubbish but now he’s trappeeddddd #leaveweirdkidalone  oh damn nvm he’s bruce banner’s redfield and he’s going under the trenchcoat, pressed to banner’s chest. we’re only halfway through where is this all going. oh ahaha they’re doing the lets run as fast as we can and ol mate keeps strolling out in front of us and now they’re in a bar oh god now he’s calling the police. whoop oh damn weird kid’s a vampire ahahahahahahaha oh shit leather jacket fucked up hair jerky movements - oh damn just took a cross to the face - can still cry human tears sweating like crazy, yellow eyes, crosses fuck em up and out the window he go ahaha lol he’s calling the cops a fucking gain god he’s so rough with her now bruce banner s in the club god he’s really not that attractive like at all - he’s got a good brow and hair but that’s it. he’s not intimidating, he doesn’t stand out holy fuck that lady in red - the platinum blonde. just strolling closer and closer, left to right right to left and dumbass is just on the phone and Amy is like hell yeah licking her lips his lower jaw is like broken the way it moves. He didn’t have to touch her for her to stop she’s in a daze under his spell and he knows she can’t escape it, rubbing her hand on his ass lol what the fuck putting his on her’s oh he pulled back her collar and went to bite and she jerked back but not in a scared more like a fuck off now what you thinkin boii challenge eyes uh oh both of their collarbones are exposed and my god she’s tiny and making out with his chest and what the fuck oh just on her knees thought she was going down on him in the middle of the club dumbass is all upset that the girl he’s been dragging around and leading on and treating badly is chilling in the arms of a vampire who, if nothing else, is indeed more handsome than dumbass but at the same time he’s a vampire and I think Amy is in highschool so that makes her what?? oh fuck bruce banner killed the two black bouncers in front of the whole club now there’s chaooooos people screaming  amy and charlie separated in the crowd, bruce banner scoops her up 'AAAAMYYYY’ stretches a hand out dramatically toward her damn weird kid got weirder ahaha what is happening this is actually really great. god he’s whiny. it’s so good. people are fucking calling the police left right and now dumbass has finally figured they won’t believe him or help him. oh lil mate peter vincent is like a proper good actor where did they get him amongst these screaming children. 'amy is gonna die, me too probably’ lol this writing oh damn she wakes on a fur blanket in front of a fire in a white dress that permed hair is so fucked there’s paintings of pretty ladies all around and one of them is blonde amy and there he is with his shirt unbuttoned pants buckled up to the navel like damn, dark hair all ruffled - hs head is too big for his shoulders ew what is this kiss she’s shaking with fear, he is like almost crying for some reason and now she’s okay and taking her titties out and coming after him  and here’s some weird slow kissing and damn he bit her damn wouldn’t you fuck first? fkn charlie in his professor jacket snooping about in the shadows with a big ugly gold cross on that house is perfectly spooky holy shit peter scared the fuck outta me damn he got a box of 'props’ which will actually work, got a gun to take care of billy or whatever, his human buddy they wanna sneak in but the front door opened for them oh damn don’t let anything happen to peter he’s precious. it’s like reading a teen adventure story - good simple but memorable characters, good story with lots going on, not deep or thought-inducing just a fun time  now here’s bruce 'welcome to Fright Night’ all chill just standing there in like a priest’s shirt? no bruce leave vincent alone. oh what the fuck making a weird moaning noise as he backs away from the cross - #leavevincentalone oh fuck weird kid is terrifying  wtf now he’s a wolf demon wolf ruff ruff puppyy oh shit he stabbed the puppy and it yeeted over the banister hit the chandelier and holy fuck that is the worst puppeteering attempt or whatever the fuck they’re going for ever - its a plush toy twitching out and now ewwwww what the fuck is that i thought vampires were vampires not like weird wolf gremlin things - its slowly dying with this stake in it, all thin fingers, whines, and cries holy shit this is taking a while. vincent is crying and holy shit its just weird kid crying with a big table leg in him and now he’s dead holy shit and the cross mark healed and he’s naked. bruce is oh fuck Amy is a vampire —“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ the drama. can you imagine walking into someone’s house and there’s a naked dead kid with a table-leg through his chest on the foyer floor. the house is pouring out dry ice and green lazer lights and vincent is back my brave boy, with a table-leg and a box all ready to fight. dumbass is struggling to cry over his girl. AMy is turning, I think bruce is making her a coffin. what here we go - everything is as it was in the movies like all the stereotypical shit so now they’re gotta kill Bruce before sunrise so she doesn’t fully turn. monotone - 'stop or i’ll shoot. don’t force me to shoot’ *shoots billy boy in the fkn head* orange eyes man whats with the weird groans and noises when flinching back from the crosses looks like billy boy aint dead after all holy shit blood everywhere yeah just keep shooting im sure that will help oh damn he the terminator - nope he a zombie fuck run don’t ust holy shit he staked him i thought vincent was gonna die he’s dripping green slime he’s got the ebola what the fuck ohmygod ohmygodholyfuckjesus christchrist fuck my god. well that was terrifying. move aside indiana jones . peter ahahah 'eeehhh’ of bruce chillin outside the window. he uses like fifty different voices and accents 'show me how much you love me amy, kill them both. rraaaargghhhh! *elbows a fkn wall* oh damn at least her gross perm is gone. rarrrrgh! *nervous cross and slow back out of the door* jesus what the fuck his bottom jaw is even worse now he just fkn crashed through the pretty round window.  that jacket damn i hate it so much. oh damn is that the sun? looks like the night is done dumbass and he believes he believes and damn that’s a lot of clocks chiming 6am i think it’s 6am. im sorry what the fuck was that did he just get sniped wat the fuck its a gremlin bat oh my god with fangs and shit its scratching him up oh no it bit dumbass what a shame and ohh he burning in green flame in the light of the sun but he fucked off to the basement where he gone vincent’s cut is gone and dumbass doesn’t seem too worried about his bitten arm. whoop it’s amy all wild hair and long white dress orange eyes, smoky lids, big ass fangs and red lips oh damn what the fucking shit 'it’s not my fault you promised you wouldnt let him get me you promised’ she cries then spins around and its actual fear in his eyes as he screams at the sight of her heavily fanged mouth that reaches from one side of her face to the other jesus cchrist that mouth is terrifying i really am not a fan damn yikes man run ew oh no everyone is in trouble, he is hammering that shit fuck everyone is all kinds of messed up these vampires would have them killed in a second this whole sunlight thing is bull - just cause his face is in the light doesn’t mean you can’t get their legs lol come on the disco-balls are shining and ol mate finally decides to try use his outfit - peter closed his coffin and now he’s trapped i kinda want one of them to die oh damn nvm green flame he went shooting and flying back with the force of that sunlight i think he’s dead 'reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ damn what the hell is that skeleton 'AAAAAAMYYYYY’ he cried as he died like what some stories need more depth beyond hey i got a picture of someone who looks exactly like you, imma bite you cause now we’re in love, hey kill your ex to prove you love me, i love you and now im dead . oh god worst part is amy’s hair is back in that perm how the fuck. 'we’ve been going in a circle! we’re right back where we started from’ is the opening to the next scene which is dumbass and amy making out in his room - that’s fkn sick, again 'Fright Night’ is back on with ol mate peter vincent. oh no peter vincent on about aliens wait what was that red eyes in the window is ol mate still alive perhaps ew amy deserves better  but hey what the fuck weird kid survived?? oh he removed the stake damn ahaha. what a movie that was a pretty fun time = 3.5/5

[saltynemo]

Snuck Out

WHATADO Everybody its your boi Nemo back at it again with another fanfiction. I had an amazing sex dream about the one and only, Tyler Joseph, and I decided to make a fanfiction about it, since I haven't wrote about Tyler in a long time. Plus, I got a request to do an ‘Anything Tyler’, so its a win win.

Summery: Tyler convinces Y/n to sneak into a club together and then Tyler gets jealous/angry at her for her acts. Y/n needs to be reminded who she belongs to

Type: Smut

Warnings: Cursing, Rough sexual content, alcohol reference, under age drinking, clubbing (going to a club), little daddy/dollface/doll kink, slight choking, over stimulation, getting caught, very little degradation ,Idk idk

Requested?: Yee

Word Count: 6.5k (6,536 words)

So without further a do, P-P-P-P-PLAY IT:

Ever since I introduced my mother to Tyler Joseph, she has insisted on me stop hanging out with him. "He is a bad influence" She states. To be honest, I have learned a lot of ways to make a fake ID with him, so I can see her point of view. Hes a bad boy and I dig that. Plus, just because my mom tells me not to chill with him, doesnt mean im going to listen to her.

Since I cant have Tyler around when my moms at home with me, me and him have our special little dates together. We usually sneak out together at 12 am, and go have fun. The worst action we have done together is sneak into a club thats about a block away from my house. And thats just what were going to do right now...

I take a swig from a Red Bull by my side, feeling the caffeine rush through my body. I sense a buzz next to me and I nearly jump out of my bed from excitement. Tonight is, once again, me and Tyler's night out together. I check my notifications and see he just texted me:

Tyler :P- Hey Y/n/n! Im across the street from your house Y/n- Are you crazy?! My mom is..asleep. Anyway, what are you doing out there? I usually walk to your house. Tyler :P- I thought a change of plan would be nice ;) Maybe we can sneak into the club again, like we did a while ago. Y/n- Hunny, last time we did that, they nearly called the cops. Are you sure you wanna take that risk again? What if they ask for an ID? Tyler :P- Trust me, they wont. This town is fuckin stupid. Come on, we'll have fun :) Y/n- I dont know about this..I mean im all up for danger, but this is kind of risky. Tyler :P- Oh come on..for me? :( Y/n- Oh okay! Fine. Ill be out in a minute

I get up from my bed and check my window, moving the blinds aside. And sure enough, I see Tyler; sitting down on the curb with his phone. I giggle and stroll to my walk-in-closet, looking for some clothing that could look like im in my 20's-which im not.

I picked out a red Thrasher sweater that cut off to my belly button, along with some jean short shorts. I slipped them on and check myself out in the mirror, noticing something was missing. I looked closer to my face, relizing if I was going to be in a club, I would need some slutty make-up.

I slipped into the bathroom, slowly closing the door so it wouldnt creak. I open my make-up kit, thinking of something that could look nice, but not too slutty. Would some red lipstick and smokey eyeshadow count? I shrug, grabbing the cosmetics needed. I apply the Ruby Luiquid to my lips, immitating a kiss to see if the magic worked. Of course, it did. I giggle, setting down my lipstick and focusing on my eyes. I dont think my eyeshadow is needed..I look pretty damn cute.

I sneak out of the bathroom, peaking behind my mother's cracked bedroom door. I large snore is erupting from the corner of the room. I roll my eyes, bouncing back to my room. I grab my phone and slip it into my back pocket.

I look in my mirror, checking myself out before I go. My height looks horribly small..I think they could spot that im not at least 21 years old quickly. Fuck it, Im definitely not wearing heels tonight. I slip on my usual red socks and black vans and grabbed some cash. I paused for a little bit, noticing my mother's purse was in my room. I look back at my door way, glancing to see if the ogre has awaken. I quicky, but quietly, grab my mom's wallet, searching for her card. Yes! Its here! Hasnt my mother learned yet? I slip it into my jean pocket and place the wallet back into the purse.

I sneak down the hallway, hoping that the hard wooden floor wouldnt creak at a sudden movement. I slowly open the front door, looking outside. I see Tyler, hoodie up and still on his phone. I slip out and close the door, locking it behind me. I jog to him, smiling at how cute he looked. He picked up his head and smiled, "Oh, Hey! Took you long enough" I chuckled, stopping right in front of him. He paused, scanning my face. "Whats with the make-up?" He asks, moving hair out of my features. I roll my eyes, "Were going to a club, Ty. There will be a ton load of sluts there" I inform, giggling. "Gotta blend in" I add, jazzing my hands up. We both share a  laugh and start to move down the street.

"Oh and by the way, I brought my mom's card" I say, pulling it out of my pocket and showing it to him. His eyes widened, but flashed a small smile, "You know the pin number..?" He asks, grabbing it from me and scanning it. I smirk, "And her signature" I add, taking it back from him and stuffing the rectangle back into my pocket. "I've taught you see well" He chuckles, putting me into a choke hold and ruffling my hair. I grip his forearm with both hands, giggling as I try to make him release me. We both laugh, him finally letting me go.

We went back to walking, a little too quiet for my liking. "So, did you bring any cash?" I ask, trying to kick the silence away. "I brought $40 of my mom's money" He says, feeling his back pocket to make sure its still there. "Our moms havent learned to hide their money" I say, looking over to him. He smiles, his dimples engraving in his skin.

*TIME SKIP Brought to you by Patrick's Fedora*

We turn a corner, the red Club lights blurry in our vision. We stop for a minute, eyeing out our location. "So, how do I look?" I ask, turning my body so its facing Tyler. "Do I look at least 21 years old?" Tyler just stares at me, scanning up and down my torso and legs. "Um- *cough* yea, deffinetly. You look amazing" He says, looking back up to my eyes. I smile, blushing like crazy, "You look older than 18-let me just say that" I giggle, playfully poking his chest. He rolls his eyes, "Come on, lets do this." We start walking towards the entrance, holding hands to make our disguise look believable.

Once we reached the line, we eyeballed the Security Guard; crossed arms and black T-Shirt that was obviously too tight. I looked at Tyler, giving him a worried expression. "Hey, they wont say anything" He whispers to me. "We have done this before, Y/n" I roll my eyes, smiling.

We stepped in front of the guard, looking up to the 6 foot tall man. He glared at us, squinting his eyes and looking at us closley. "You have an ID?" He asks, his voice rusty and cracked. I gulped, pretending to search my pockets for it. "Hey! Is that guy ok?!" Tyler suddenly shouted, pointing to a man laying on the ground; beer bottle in one hand and drooling. Must have past out. The Guard imediatly rushed over to him, yelling 'Hey, sir! Are you alright!?'. Tyler grabbed my hand, quickly walking into the club. Men and Woman were shouting 'Those kids went inside!' or just plain pointing to us. Tyler's grip on my hand tightened as we were greeted with blaring music, red and white flashing lights, and drunk sweaty men & woman.

He looked back at me, smirking as we started to blend in with the dancing crowd. He turned around and held both of my hands, leading me to the middle. I laughed, him letting me go. We started dancing, trying to fit with the crowd around us.

The lights and crowd around us were a blurr. Tyler and I were only focused on eachother, and also the ground to make sure we dont trip on eachother's feet. A couple of times, we had to move to a new location cause the Guard was looking for us. I guess thats what you get for sneaking into a club.

Suddenly, Tyler grabbed my hand, dragging me out of the dancing people. I quirked my eyebrow. Whats his plan this time? Get me drunk? He led me to the bar, finally letting go of my hand and looking at me. "Ok, whats your plan?" I ask, smiling since I was so confused. He smirks, at me, turning around and talking to the bar tender. I couldnt hear what he was saying, due to the noise in the club, but I knew it was evil. I heard him say the word 'hardest', and I knew right then and there what he was looking for.

Tyler payed the bar tender and turned around with a glass in his hand. I stared at the bubbling luiquid for a while, contemplating on what it was. I guess I was right..he is gonna get me drunk. "Hey Y/n" He said, waving the drink around slowly to snap me out of my daze. I give him a sarcastic look, "I dont wanna get drunk tonight" Tyler rolls his eyes, not wanting that answer. Suddenly, he grabs my waist, pulling me close to him. I lay my head back, giggling, "Joseph, what has gotten into y-". He puts the drink to my lips, making me open them and take in the alcohol. It tasted sweet, strong, sour, pretty much all of the flavors I could think of, I was tasting.

He sat me back up and took the drink away from my lips. "Tyler, what was that?" I ask, whiping them. He giggles, "Oh, it was nothing. Just the strongest drink they had on the menu" He put the glass down on the bar table. I raise my eyebrows at him, "Joseph, Im a light-weight. That drinks' gonna get me hammered" I say, lightly pushing him. "Thats the point" He chuckles, adding a wink. Damnit, why did I agree to go to a club with him? I already felt the alcohol rush through my veins, brushing up againts every cell. "Come on, Y/n/n. Lets get back on the dance floor" He cheers, grabbing my hand and leading me back into the crowd.

*TIME SKIP Brought to you by Wet Ones (keeping things wet since 1988)*

I was suprised that I didnt get as drunk as Tyler intended to. In fact, I was pretty sober enough to solve a math equation. Funny how Tyler wanted me to get drunk, and he was the one who got intoxicated.

We were grooving next to a barricade that blocked off a private room. I held my phone up over my head as Tyler stood behind me. I started recording us dancing, just to save the memory. I swayed my hips to the beat, giggling at how goofy I was. I held the phone at the tip of my fingers, trying to get him and I in one shot. Accidently, I dropped it behind the barricaded. I groaned bending over the barricade. I was so close to reaching it, but my arm wasnt long enough. I, stupidly, went farther over the barricade, finally reaching my phone. Suddenly, I felt hands on my hips, pulling me back. I began to squirm, trying to make the hands release me, but I only turn around to see Tyler. He had a look of stone as an expression. He almost looked...mad?

He let go of my hips, suddenly grabbing my hand. He started making his way out of the club, dragging me towards the exit. "Tyler? What is it?" I ask, trying free my hand, but his grip only gets tighter. What has gotten into him? We storm out of the club, his face still stone cold.

The rest of our little walk was a blurr. No talking, just silence and some of the crickets chirping around us. It was an awkward silence, him still holding my wrist, but not as tightly as before, and his face as serious as before. Was it something I did? What if he just drops me home and I never speak to him again? What did I do to diserve this? A million of questions and concerns filled my mind, making my heart beat sprint faster.

Before I knew it, I was at Tyler's house, in his room, on his bed. He paced around the room, staring at the posters around the area. The silence was unbarable. I hid my face in my palms, thinking of what to say to him or what to do. I quickly stand up from the bed, looking over to him; he looked back. "Tyler, I- Tell me whats wrong? Was it something I did? What-" I start to say, but was cut off by a kiss.

I was suprised at first, being taken off cause the gesture was so out of place, but after a couple seconds, I kissed back. The make out was over all rough; he grabbed the sides of my head, pulling us deeper into kiss. I felt him push forward, making me back up untill I hit the wall. He moved his hands down the the sides of my neck, holding it gently. His thumb brushed across an area that made me jump a little. I felt him smirk againts my lips, moving his mouth down from mine, to my jawline. He nibbled and sucked on my jaw. I silently moaned, placing my hand on his shoulder. I bit my lip, trying to quiet myself down so I wasnt too loud.

"Y/n, you have no idea how long I have wanted this" He huffed againts my jaw, putting my skin between his teeth. He brough his head back up, locking his eyes with mine. "Your so beautiful, baby" He groans, kissing me roughly. I moaned into the kiss, trying to match his movements. "The way you...brushed your perfect...little ass againts me" He whispers between kisses. He brough his hand up and cupped my ear, rubbing my lobe gently. "And I..." He groaned. "Do not share" He put his index finger againts my lip. I faintly smirked, bringing out my tounge and licking the skin. Tyler's eyes fluttered closed, biting his lip. "Your such a tease, Y/n" He says through gritted teeth.

He pulled out his finger, wiping it clean on his shirt. I giggled softly, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. He looked at me with the same cold expression he had before, making a chill run up and down my back. He stepped closer to me, even though we were already face to face. He slid his hands around my waste; anywhere and everywhere he touched made a trail of warmth. I eyeballed his hand, which was making its way up my cut off sweater. I held my hands behind my back, holding my hand with the other. I look up to his beautifle face, admiring it. He smirks, looking up to me and locking eyes. I couldnt take it anymore. I instantly cupped his face with my hands, kissing him. I needed more of him, God he was perfect...

We went back in the past; him bringing his hand up and cupping it around my neck, brushing his thumb across the same area that made me jump. Tyler smirked againts my lips, slowly inching his way down to my jawline, like before. He didnt stay at my jawbone for long, because before I knew it, he was going down on my neck, sucking the skin and nibbling on it. I let out a groan, biting my lip and trying to keep myself quiet. "My parents arnt home....be as loud as you want, babygirl" He said between bites and kisses againts my neck, suddenly finding my sweet spot with a pinch. I let out a moan, following his information. He snickerd againts my neck, sucking the spot harder, making a hickey form. I gently hold on to his head, not wanting him to stop.

Once he was satisfied with the small purple bruise on my neck, he departured from my neck with a slight pop. He locks a gaze with me, his eyes reading lust. We bothed giggled. He grabbed my waist, ordering my to jump. I do as told, wrapping my legs around his waste and arms around his neck. I look down at him, rubbing my nose againts his. He smiles his cute smile, flashing his teeth. While he started walking towards the bed, I took matters into my own hands and took off my crop top. He tossed me onto the bed, watching me bounce up and down the springs. He didnt hesitate to jump onto to my right away, laying over me and continuing out make out session.

Tyler tangled his hands in my hair as I did the same to him, gripping the sides of his hips with my legs as he began to slowly grind on me. He reattached his lips to mine, kissing with force. He slid his tongue into my mouth without permission, making me relize he liked his dominance. Teasingly, I bit his tongue gently, just to see his reaction. He smiled againts my lips, "Better watch it, doll." Oh, Damn. That name gave me chills up and down my back. He must have noticed my goosebumps, because he smirked and started rubbing my prickled arm gently. "You like that name, dont you doll" I bit my lip, nodding intensly to try to shake away another chill. He chuckled darkly, returning his attention back to lips, then neck.

He inched his way down to my jawline, sucking and nibbling on the skin. I let out a breath, feeling the tension slip away. Damn, hes good at this. "Do me a favor and take this shirt off before I rip it off" He orders, feeling the material of my cut off sweater. "Its actually a crop top, but ok" I reply with a bitchy attitude, smirking as I take off my crop. "I said watch it, doll. I dont wanna gag you now" He warned, suddenly grabbing my chin and jerked it so I was facing him. "You got it?" He asks, using his tiny thumb (sorry not sorry) to carress my bottom lip. I nod slowly, gulping down the lump in my throat. "Answer me verbally" He barks, holding my chin tighter. "Yes, daddy" I answer, smirking internally. I can tell he is taken back by this, due to the squint in his eyes. "What did you say?" He asks, smiling a little. "Yes, daddy" I repeat, biting down on his thumb a little. "Damn, this is gonna be fun" He says, removing his hand from my chin and pushing me back down on the bed.

He continues his kissing trails, down from my lower neck, to my belly button, not missing a beat or even hesitating. I arch my back a little, letting my hands roam blindly behind me, starting to try and unhook my bra. I reach my goal, throwing my black lace bra aside. He glances at the thrown peice of clothing, only to put his attention to me. "Jeez, your perfect" He says, biting his lip as he reaches hands out forward to touch my breasts. One of his fingers trace my nipple, making it harden quickly and I gasp. He snickers darkly, finally kneading both of my breasts gently. I let out a breath of relazation as Tyler kneads both of my tits, letting my eyes flutter closed. Suddenly, I feel a wetness on my left one, making me relize he has attached his mouth to it. I let out a soft moan, feeling him nibble and suck on the sensitive skin. With the other hand on my right breast, he used his thumb to circle over the nipple, making it harder than I thought it could ever be. I groan in fustration. Tyler gotta take his old sweet time, dont he?

He finally left my chest, looking over my breasts to see his work. I look down, noticing not one, but several bruises scattered all over the area. I could see the proudness in his eyes, his lips spreading with satistfactory. I giggled at him, moving hair away from my face. He pushes me on the chest, making me lay back down. I do as told, making sure im comfortable, since I know I wont be leaving this position anytime soon.

He starts off where he left off; circling kisses around my belly button to tease me. I hum, licking my lips then biting them. He finally answered my prayers, and continued his trail of kisses downward, heading towards my clothed pelvis. I wiggled slightly, letting him know I was getting sick of his teasing. He smirked, "Patience, doll" He said, toying with the edge of my shorts. I groaned in fustration, and somewhat pleasure. The feeling of Tyler Joseph touching me this way felt almost, illegal, which turned me on more. He was an illegal boy.

He started tugging down my jeans, trying to slide them off. I lifted my hips upward, helping him take them off. He reached his goal and threw the shorts to Narnia. "The grand prize" He mutters, poking at my entrance through my panties. I giggle, moaning slightly at the feeling.

He teases my clothed access point with his middle finger. "Are you gonna be all nice and wet for me, doll?" He asks, glancing up to me. If he keeps on playing with this Doll kink I have, I might just cum at his words. Suddenly, slides a finger in between my folds, slightly moving my panties out of the way. We both gasp; him surprised of how wet I am and me incredibly horny. "D-drenched" He stuttered, chuckling darkly as he began to slowly curl them. I tangle my hands in my hair, my mouth wide open as I take in a deep breath. Letting out a moan, I scrunch my face up. I havent felt like this in a long time, I forgot what it was like to have someone else's fingers in me!

He continued to hook his middle didget, untill I was panting and moaning his name. "Oh my God, Daddy, shit!" I practically scream, removing my hands from my hair and gripping the sheets. I could see the smirk poking out of his mouth, curling his finger more. I bit my lip and gripped the sheets harder untill my knuckles were white, the skin on my lips breaking away from my teeth, and my eyes squinting shut. I didnt want to be too loud, thinking the neighbors would come over and ruin the fun. "I dont hear you crying out for me, doll. I know you got it in you" He suddenly, some how, thrusts his finger deeper, making me moan out his nickname. Tyler must have gotten an idea, because he uncurled his finger, and started to thrust his middle digit in and out at a moderate pace. I loosened the grip I had on the sheets, still feeling pleasurable, but somewhat relaxed.

He suddenly took out his finger, leaving me cold. He leaned over me, ordering me to open my mouth. I obeyed, opening it wide. He stuck his wet finger into my mouth, almost all the way down to my throat. I twirl my tongue around it, humming. His eyes fluttered shut, him mouthing the word 'Fuck'. "Damn, I love you, dollface" He said, replacing his digit with his mouth. He was rough and needy in the kiss; my own were probably hungry and begging.

He broke away from the kiss, kneeling back down in front of me. He toyed with the stretchy part of my panties, twisting and feeling the lacey material. I hummed, "Please", barley above a whisper. "Please what?" He asked sharply, scratching my hip bone as he continued to fondle with my underwear. I whimpered, "Please daddy" He smirks at how much control he has over me. Finally, he begins to slide my lingerie down, taking his good old sweet time. I lift my hips slightly as the material skates across my hips, exposing my woman hood. I close my legs as I feel the mixture of Tyler's breathing, and the rush of cold air. Trying to regain the moment, I use my toe to point to where he should throw my lingerie. He snickers, throwing it to where I pointed. "Dont be shy, love" He says in a relaxing tone, resting his hands on my knees. I nodded, letting him spread my legs apart. He let my legs fall to my sides, me finally relaxing, knowing Tyler wont judge. "How can you be shy when you have such a beautiful pussy?" He says, gently rubbing his hand over the wetness thats in my thighs. I choke out a quiet moan, hanging my head back.

Suddenly, he slides 2 fingers in, making me gasp and moan in surprise. It could have been an accident from how wet I was. Either way, he started thrusting his fingers in and out slowly, my body shriveled from pleasure. I heard the sloshiness sound between my thighs as he picked up the pace, him whispering and praising me for how good and obediant I was. I felt the pooling in my stomach increase in intensity as he continued to thrust his fingers in and out. "Oh my God, Fucking hell-Im so close!" I moan out, gripping the sheets roughly. Tyler smirks, picking up his other hand and placing it on my clit, rubbing it hard. I scrunch my face up, preparing for my orgasm.

As time progresses and his fingers continue, I was a moaning mess; hair in my face, lipstick smudged from Tyler's passionate kisses, and just a something you would expect a girl to look like in a porno. He took his fingers off my clit, putting them to his side. Just as I was about to cum, his digits made a 'come hither' motion inside me, making me lose myself and fall over the edge. I fell hard, my body quaking with pleasure as Tyler's fingers didnt slow down. It was like I was falling from the sky, and I wasnt even close to the ground. The corners of my eyes faded to a foggy eroma as I scrunch my eyes and let out the biggest pornographic moan I could make.

I came down from my high, hitting the ground as he pulled out his fingers. Unexpectantly, he brought his tongue down on my folds, giving it a long and slow lick, adding overstimulation. I moaned, what almost seemed like a cry, in pleasure, gripping the sheets for some support. He tried to stay away from my clit, knowing I was already overstimulated enough. I could tell Tyler enjoyed my juices, from the noise he created, vibrating againts my womanhood; making me moan louder. He gave one last lick, making sure to get my clit before lifting his head up. He ran a finger up my folds, collecting the wetness onto his finger. I whimpered, biting my lip. He fit his digit into his mouth, letting his eyes flutter close at the taste. He groaned, taking out his finger with a pop, "You taste amazing-almost like peaches covered in honey" He informed, leaning over me. I giggled as he placed his red, swollen lips onto mine. Letting him gain entrance into my mouth, I tasted myself on his tongue, making the experience even more thrilling.

He pulled away, ordering me to sit on the edge of the bed. I do as told, crawling over to the edge as I watch his sit down on the bed, kicking his shoes off. He layed againts the frame of crib as he started to unbuckle his belt. I shoo his hand away, taking matters into my own palms. He smiled, putting his hands down on his sides. Once I figured out how to unbuckle his sash, I start tugging them down, Tyler lifting his hips up to help me. I threw them to WhoVille blindly, staring at the growing bulge that is still clothed; but not for long.

I tease the erection with my hand, squeezing and feeling it up and down. He groaned in pleasure, tilting his head back so it hit the wall. I smirked up to him, snaking a hand into his boxers and feeling his cock. I recieved a gasp from him, probably cause my hands were a little warm, but still gave him pleasure. With my other hand, I slid down his briefs with no trouble, throwing them somewhere in the room. I took my hand off of his shaft and spat on it, soon returning my palm to it. I began to slowly pump it, recieving low groans and moans. I really want to tease him...but would he approve? Fuck it, im gonna do it. I use my index finger to gently rub the slit of hit cock, moving it downward from the shaft to the end. "Stop teasing me doll, you wont like the outcome" He growls, biting his lip. I giggle, staring at the beads of pre cum oozing out of the slit.

I lifted my head up so it was in birds eye view of his dick. Suddenly, I felt a hand snake through my hair, pulling it out of my face. I glance up and smile as I began to slowly ease my head down on to the bell like tip. I swirled my tongue around the point of it, using my other hand to pump what I didnt have in my mouth. Tyler groaned in satisfactory, letting his eyes close. "I said, stop teasing" He ordered, putting pressure on the back of my head. I slowly slid my mouth down his shaft, him still pushing my head down. I hallowed my cheeks and slacked my jaw, giving him full power of my mouth. His grip on my hair tightens as he begins to bob my head up and down, the wetness of my mouth sloshing with each bob. He gives an 'Ah Fuck', paired with a strangled groan; by far the best noise I heard come out of his swollen mouth.

After a couple of bobs, I figured he wanted to take matters into his own hands, because he starting thrusting his hips up; or in other  words, fucking my mouth. A couple of times, I felt his tip rub the back of my throat, causing me to gag. I moaned around his cock, blinking away tears. "Im almost finished with you doll, just a little bit longer" He explained, his thrusts growing faster and harsher. I nodded, gripping the bed sheets to prepare. I felt his cock twitch in my throat, expecting him to be pushed over the edge; but I thought wrong. He instantly stopped, pulling me off of his throbbing cock with a pop. I looked at him with confusion, rubbing my eyes that were filled with tears, "But you didnt cum yet" I said, making it almost sound like a question. He nodded, "Waiting is the best part. And Id rather cum in that sweet little pussy of yours anyway" He says, adding a wink. I blush intensly, moving my face away from his crotch.

Tyler orders me to take is place, laying my head on the pillows. I do as told, watching him remove his shirt and socks. Once he was out of the way, I sit back, placing my head on a pillow and putting one in the small of my back. He climbed on top of me, letting me take a moment to scan his torso; Tan chest, ink painted into his skin, and the skinny, but muscular, torso of his. He took a grip onto his shaft, teasing my folds with it, making sure it was wet enough. I let out a gasp, moaning slightly. "Are you ready, doll?" He asks, laying his face down in the crew of my neck. "Y-yes" I choke out, biting my lip in anticipation. Immediatly, he thrusted his cock into my enterance, letting out a groan. I nearly drew blood from my lip I was biting so hard. I didnt know he was that big. I sucked his dick, how did I not know?! I whimpered, then moaning; I have never felt so full in my life. I saw Tyler struggling over me, fighting the urge to move. I turned my head, facing over to his ear, "Destroy me" I whispered, smirking internally. His control breaks, he begins to slam into me rapidly, building an incredible rythem that took away my breath. The muscles in his arms stand out above me, holding himself over me, angling each thrust to hit that one spot inside of me that brought me to life earlier.

"Holy, T-tyler!" I scream, wrapping my arms around him, trying to find support for the massive sex we were having. Suddenly, he grabbed the base of my throat, pressing down hard. "What did you say?" He asks harshly, making his thrusts deeper and harder. I grab his wrist, moving it up so it held at the mid of my throat. He smirked, finding a new kink I had. Tyler Joseph holding my throat like this was almost illegal, like taboo; that turned me on more. He answered my wishes, squeezing the middle tighter. "D-daddy!" I corrected in a strangled moan, throwing my head back in pleasure. He was fucking me with such force that the bed frame knocked againts the wall with each thrust. Once again, I felt the pooling in my stomach stirr up. I clenched around him, letting out a pornographic moan. "Close already doll? Pathetic" He spat, saliva sprayed onto my chest, dripping down over my breasts. "Im-oh my God, Im so close!" I scream. He smirked, suddenly slowing down his thrusts. I let out a sigh, feeling relaxed. 

He threw the pillow that was under my back to the side, replacing it with his hands. He picked me up, his cock sliding out of me with a pop. He picked me up as I wrapped my legs around him. He carried me to a local wall, nearly slamming me againts it. He placed his forarm over my throat, holding me inplace againts the wall. "Get ready to start screaming" He simply said, sliding back into me. I let out a groan, my wishes being fuffiled with his raging cock. He instantly started fucking me againts the wall. This position was amazing, he was able to get all the places he couldnt have gotten before. My eyes squeezed shut at the pleasure raking through my body; it hurt so much, but damn I needed this from Tyler Robert Joseph. "I-Im gonna cum, oh fucking HELL!" I scream, seeing black spots appear infront of me as I open my eyes. "Im not fucking done with you just yet, hold it in" He barks, some how fucking me faster. I moaned as I hit my head againts the wall, pleasure struckin. I held onto my orgasm, trying not to let it slip out of my clutch, but with the force Tyler was fucking me at, and the moans and groans coming from his mouth let me loose it.

I didnt have time to warn him that I was about to cum, it just happened. I rolled my eyes back into my head as I clenched around his cock. I moan in pure ecstasy as I cum around his throbbing shaft, closing my eyes tightly. "Since you like to cum without my permission, your gonna c-cum again" He spat, snaking a hand between us and rubbing my clit. I gasped, letting out the loudest pornagraphic moan I could let out. I grabbed the wrist that was rubbing my clit, scrunching my face up and panting histeracally. He smirked and started rubbing faster anyway. I used my other hand to try and push him away; the pleasure was over whelming my body. "Ah ah no you dont" He says, making his forearm push harder on my throat. I lost my oxygen, losing my voice and my energy, closing my eyes. "D-daddy, F-fu-cking he-ll!" I choke out, whimpering. "Hold on, im almost there" He warns, letting his mouth gape open. "Look at me, dollface" He says, removing his hand from my clit and cupping it to my chin. "Let me see those pretty eyes" He says, biting his lip. I open my eyes, staring into his own. They where dialated, the cocoa color ablaze. He panted out a moan, mouth gaping. "Oh-oh, fucking-" He choked out as he spilled into me. His cock twitched and throbbed, triggering my 3rd orgasm. I milked his cock with my convulsing walls, both of us pleasure struckin and talking like we were in a pornographic film. Curses and moans and groans fell from both of our mouths as we rode out our orgasms till we were both too sensitive to continue on.

Tyler leaned his forehead against mine, both of us still out of breath. We shared a laugh at how shook we were. "I cant move" I whisper out, my voice a little horse from my screaming and moaning earlier. "I dont want to move" I add, letting out a sigh. "Me either, Y/n" He says, his voice deep. "I could keep you like this all day and night and not get sick of it" He says, moving away from the wall slowly. I wrap my arms around him for support as he starts to walk back to the bed.

With all the energy he had left, he carefully laid me down on one side; using all of his strength to limp to the other. He plopped down onto the bed, sprawling out. We both inhaled and exhaled deeply, turning our heads to look at each other. "Should I walk you to your house?" He asks, holding out a hand to my cheek, rubbing the skin. I smile faintly, "Ill make up some excuse that I needed some alone time or something-I dont know" I shrug weakly. He smiles his cute smile, the one that was near and dear to his heart. "Im suggesting you wanna sleep over here?" He says, getting under the bed covers. I join with him, "Is that alright with you?" I ask in a sarcastic tone, grinning like a goofball. "Does a piano have a G note?" He says sarcastically. "Ill take that as a yes" I answer, cuddling up to him. He wraps his arm around me, my head laying on his inked chest. "Night, Joseph" I say, only above a whisper. "Night, Doll" ............. I open my eyes to rays of sunshine displayed on the ends of the bed. I feel Tyler playing with my hair, stroking my forehead and running his hands through strands. "Good morning" I whisper, smiling faintly. "Mornin'" He says, turning me so im facing him. We look into our eyes for a little bit; not moving or speaking. All of the sudden, we hear steps from outside the door. Our eyes opened in shock, his big brown pupils shaking in terror of what was about to happen. Neither of us moved, only stared. The door suddenly opened, revealing the one and only, Kelly Joseph. "Tyler, honey! Breakfast is re-TYLER! YOUR IN BIG TROUBLE MISTER!"

(I hope you enjoyed the laughs and pleasures and pains my fanfic has brought to you. Sometimes its nice to have an intense sex dream with Tyler Joseph. But truly, I hope Tyler doesn't read this lol. But anyway, I hope you liked it and cya next time :D)

[johnnymundano]

Rubber (2010)

Directed by Quentin Dupieux

Written by Quentin Dupieux

Music by Gaspard Augé and Mr. Oizo

Country: France

Language: English

Running Time: 82 minutes

CAST

Stephen Spinella as Lieutenant Chad

Jack Plotnick as Accountant

Roxane Mesquida as Sheila

Wings Hauser as Man in Wheelchair

Ethan Cohn as Movie Buff Ethan

Charley Koontz as Movie Buff Charley

Hayley Holmes as Cindy

Haley Ramm as Fiona

Daniel Quinn as Dad

Devin Brochu as Son

Tara Jean O'Brien as Martina the Cleaning Lady

David Bowe as Mr. Hugues

Remy Thorne as Zach

Cecelia Antoinette as Woman

Thomas F. Duffy as Deputy Xavier

Winston Chow as Deputy Luke

Pete Dicecco as Deputy Pete

Courtenay Taylor as Deputy Denise

James Parks as Deputy Doug

Gaspard Augé as Hitchhiker

Pedro Winter as Tyre Burner

and introducing Robert the Tyre as Robert

I put this movie on expecting a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre. Which is probably the best way to watch Rubber; so if you want to watch a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre you should probably just go ahead and watch Rubber right now. However, and this is extraordinarily important to note, if you don’t want to watch a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre you still should probably just go ahead and watch Rubber right now as well. Basically, everyone should watch Rubber right now. Whatever you are expecting you won’t get it. And how often does cinema surprise you? Not enough, right? Unless you are one easily surprised sonofagun, anyway. If you have ever found yourself exclaiming “Wow! Tom Cruise won (again)!” or  “Wow! The dinosaur theme park went wrong (again)!” watching Rubber will make your brain try to escape out of your ears. Watch Rubber and let cinema surprise you again. To say more would spoil the fun of watching Rubber. The fact that you are no longer simply expecting a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre has already spoiled the magic more than enough. Obviously I will be saying more, but I will put it after the next picture. When you read the stuff after the next picture you should have watched Rubber. You have been warned. Hereafter there are SPOILERS. UNDERSTANDEZ-VOUS?!?

Rubber is a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre but Rubber is also a movie about schlocky movies about killer anythings; it might even be a movie about movies, and perhaps even be about how we perceive reality itself. Although that claim might sound like a stretch to shame Stretch Armstrong about a movie about a killer tyre, don’t count it out. Because although you do get a really good schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre this is constantly interrupted by post-modernism of the highest order of brows or, as it is more colloquially known, “pissing the viewer about”. Now your reaction to that is going to be wholly dependent on you, so it’s a little hard to judge the success of Rubber beyond the confines of my skull. Most of its success is predicated on surprise, so anyone who ignored my warning and has read this far has already spoilt a large part the movie for themselves. If you read on you won’t actually be watching the movie you were intended to watch. Instead you will be watching a pale imitation of the intended artefact inseparable from the preconceptions reading these words has inevitably and unavoidably caused to blossom in your brain like fun killing tumours.

Rubber was a great deal of fun because I had no idea where it was going or what was going to happen next. I overstate the case. I had some idea because Rubber hews wonderfully close to the Platonic ideal of the schlocky B-movie about a killer whatever. (Plato was spot on about B-movies, but less reliable on Rom-coms.) If the scenes involving the tyre involved a person waking up with amnesia in the middle of nowhere, discovering a special destructive talent and then embarking on a creepy killing spree with a mismatched bunch of local cops in pursuit then it would have been filmed precisely the same. You wouldn’t have to change a thing. Except the tyre. Which is a pretty fantastic joke right there. You could swap out the threat in most schlocky B-movies with a broken kettle or a wet toupee, and as long as you conform to the agreed cinematic conventions then you have an air of menace and threat, even about the most stupid of things. Like a tyre. And I mean no disrespect to the acting of Robert The Tyre there. Robert the Tyre is the personification of a killer tyre; it’s a performance that ranks with Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver and Naomi Watts in Mullholland Dr; the kind of performance that for its duration creates a bubble of suspended disbelief within which the fantastic and the factual become one impossible reality. Robert the Tyre gives his all. But he’s still a tyre for all that.  

As to the other stuff, any further discussion of it would really ruin the movie, but there is a fair chance that some of you will delight in being able to use the word “diegetic” when talking about a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre. And yet, there is also an equal chance that some of you may feel that with its plethora of meta and surfeit of self-reflexivity Rubber has, as we say in Yorkshire, “disappeared up its own arsehole.” Mostly though, most of you’ll probably vacillate wildly from one opinion to the other, sometimes within the same scene. Everyone though will be united in their pleasure at seeing schlock B-movie stalwart Wings Hauser as Man in Wheelchair. Rubber is stupid and smart, and probably one when it should be the other every now and again, but  as Robert Browning said  “Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?", but probably not in reference to a smart-arse absurdist joke masquerading as a schlocky B-movie about a killer tyre. But he could have, he sure could have.

[isaacathom]

maybe a way t get rid of the weird plot incoherencies surrounding Seora’s kidnap is for them to actually communicate with her prior to her leaving Divinice. Esther is present as one of Thalia’s guards, and Seora is there. and esther sees that Seora is definitely.... defiant, we’ll say. she actively speaks out, she seems sympathetic to the Stolisians, and she’s easy to identify! so, after they leave, and they start discussing more ways to convince shit, someone (maybe not esther specifically, but someone else who was there) suggests contacting divinitians with stolisian sympathies. hence, esther can suggest Seora. and esther is a good middle man for that set up, because of her full eastern citizenship. a letter is sent to the maiden commune promptly, with a return address being Esther’s small home in the east. of course when Seora opens it, theres a second envelope inside and a letter that says ‘pls read in private’. seora obliges.

the letter is probably framed as though its from esther, and its likely she had a small hand in it due to her position as frequent border crossing and international agent, but its primarily written by some higher up. perhaps one of the remaining diplomats (naturally not all of them got taken by divinice, obviously). to make sure that they didnt give too much information or link it to state interests. the plan is that if the letter were to be discovered, it would be interpreted as some isolated stolisian cult (though given divinice’s general opinion of stolisia, this likely wouldnt matter). and seora reads it, goes ‘hmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMM’ and decides, fuck it. she writes a letter back, follows the instructions about where to send it, and disposes of the initial letter. once the letter of ‘yea fuck it, go for it, just lemme know’, esthers like ‘oh Fuck yes’. its great for her. it helps when the news comes through the grape vine (theres at LEAST one member of the divinitian military who has stolisian sympathies, likely another person from Black River, because that place is a fucking hotbed for revolutionaries) that seora will be taken to a small holy site in the south east. after a tiny bit of scouting, the Team sets up. when seora arrives, she enters the building alone. something about like, pure magic energy. that or its tradition. seong-han did scout the building first but his partner, who im gonna call Frankie because fuck you, probably makes him stop stalling. seora says she’ll let them know when she’s done, but if itd been 30 minutes, yell, haha. everyones cool.

seora enters. one of the team reports this to esther, who proceeds to mess with the back door and enters. she and seora have a brief conversation, where esther makes it REALLY CLEAR that, hey, you cant.... really back out once you do this. and seoras like ‘yea no..... im in. can i write a note, tho?’ ‘oh, sure’ so seora writes a note to seong-han saying ‘sorry man’ (alternatively the note can have been written beforehand and under her pillow with the intention that itll be given to seonghan, at which point it likely wont be because of Shady Business) and they leave out the back door. they get in the car and drive off. the plan doesnt go quite seamlessly because, well...... 3/4 people in that car have horns (the driver is human) and the driver who brought them here is still in his car, on the road, chilling out. and he looks up as the car makes the turn onto the road and immediately goes ‘wAIT’ and yells at the two others to check the church. seong-han opens the door, screams, and the driver immediately floors it. time to go. leaves seong-han and frankie in the dust, someones placing a call to the cops or the army or SOMETHING, the other (probably seong-han) is scouring the church for evidence. which all means its a fun lil chase. you could delay it a LITTLE, with the driver instead remembering the vehicle when they realise seora is gone, and then calling on the border guards like ‘OI!!!!! FUCK’. but if its at distance, there’s no guarantee they’d even realise they were border bound. so they’re probably actually fine. until they check the cctv footage and go ‘oooohhh fuck me’

makes it even worse for seong-han because he scoped the place out as best he could and well, he MUST have missed a spot, and now seora’s gone, and its his fault, holy fuck, he’s 5 years old again and its Not Sitting Well.