#that layer got deleted on accident because i thought it was empty

[graedari]

Hey kids... Maybe don't out that Flynn took you to the grid in front of Alan. Flynn might be dead now.

Tron Fights for the User(s' Children) AU is by @radjerda I am simply reveling in it forever and for all time.

[Image ID in alt]

[dungeonmalcontent]

Thoughts on Encounter Balancing and the Meat Grinder

I’ve talked about running a meat grinder, and given a brief description of what that entails. But I want to go into detail on the matter. Below the cut there will be some visuals and ttrpg philosophy discussion for how to run good and balanced encounters in 5e d&d, primarily through the use of Roll20. This is a long post. I would put it on my Wordpress blog, but that’s getting some work and requires more effort.

So what is a meat grinder?

A meat grinder is a combat only one shot that allows for variety of play at high speed. Key aspects of the meat grinder are challenging encounter composition, terrain (re-positionable), and increased difficulty with every encounter round with the players leveling up between each. Ideally, the players have pre-planned how they want to level up their characters, have a different character ready for every level, or use a character manager tool like Aurora Builder, Fight Club 5e, or DNDBeyond (which I had my players use, because they could randomize and build widely varied characters) to facilitate fast level ups.

So how did I run the meat grinder? What does it look like? How do you even start this sort of project?

Well, let’s look.

This is the setup I used on Roll20. This is without FoW on, and I’ll zoom in on various aspects as I go on, but it isn’t that complicated. At the top we have a waiting room, where players can pick a token that speaks to them, and a “lion cage” with the tokens for each planned encounter (I deleted a few during the game I ran). Below that is the “arena,” which by itself isn’t all that special, as it was emptied out completely at the end of every encounter. At the very bottom, and pretty much never visible to the players, is the terrain room where I have shapes or tokens with terrain. My terrain was essentially just columns of various size that ran from floor to ceiling and either made walls or obstacles, but that was only because I put this together in a couple of hours.

Lets start with the waiting room.

At the start of the game, this is all the players should be able to see. There are a variety of tokens and instructions for how players can pick theirs; which in Roll20 you will then have to assign to the player (and then ideally color code as shown with the last four). All the tokens I threw on there, and I picked for variety, were pulled from the free assets on Roll20 (though I have plenty of my own, this was faster than uploading to my library). You can add on player/character names to help differentiate, but that also takes some extra time. The important part is that the players use this space to get used to what is about to happen. I also used an airlock room attached between the arena and the waiting room, just to give them a little more immersion and warning when the next round was ready, but that’s not really necessary.

Next is the “Lions Cage,” and I call it that in the spirit of the Roman Colosseum.

This is where I kept the tokens for each encounter. I had then arranged in rows with the first being at the top (which was deleted after it was beaten, but contained an Evil MageTM, two zombies, and two skeletons). I started at CR 1 (with four level 1 players), and went to CR 2 (animated armor and dragon wyrmling) and so on, following basics for balancing encounters based on CR. I will get into monster selection more later, but this is the room where I had all of that laid out. It is always blacked out for players. (I also had two spiderman PNGs and a barrel to use as variety tokens like Spiritual Weapon or familiars, they’re a running joke in my games.)

Now, the arena.

This is a big empty area. Every round I add in the tokens for the encounter monsters, the terrain, and I adjust the lighting as needed. The lighting is probably the biggest brain thing I’ve ever done on Roll20 and I encourage the use of this system for any arena or massive dungeons you build on the platform. You write out “Lighting” as well as “bright,” “dim,” and “dark.” You add this text to the background layer (along with all the boxes and things you don’t intend to move). Then you get boxes big enough to cover whatever lighting options are not in use. For bright rooms where there is enough light for all characters (save those with aversion to bright light) to see clearly, you cover up “dim” and “dark.” It’s that simple and it does so much for the players too, because it gives them actual use of their darkvision and they don’t have to ask you what the light in the room is like, they can just see. If they have disadvantage due to lighting, they can see the precedent based on the setting. It’s a good system and I am quite proud of it.

As a secondary note, FoW is interesting in this room. For after round cleanup and next round setup, it is recommended to black out the arena. When starting out a round, particularly if you are using sneaky creatures, it is advised to reveal the room gradually as the characters move about it. This is a great place to use the token lighting feature thing you get with a premium Roll20 subscription, as this feature enables rapid revealing and occluding of space in the arena based on the token’s given sight range. But that costs money. I got along just fine doing it manually.

Lastly, the terrain room.

This is just an empty space below the arena map, used to store terrain pieces. For my meat grinder I used six objects. Three squares and three circles, made to equilateral sizes with the shift function (should use high contrast colors and have both line and fill colors selected before making shapes, hence the purple and green). More shapes would have been ideal, but weren’t necessary. And shapes aren’t even required, you can add in terrain features from whatever map builder you use, but shapes are the easiest to prepare and move.

Another good option might be to add in one big solid black square to cover the whole arena and use other colored squares to represent platforms (possibly even color coding certain platforms to indicate height from a base level like the precipice of the waiting room). This adds an additional challenge to navigating the room and rewards characters with mobility based abilities like flight, or spells like spider climb. Alternatively alternatively, the room could be indicated to be submerged and the players given potions of waterbreathing, as this allows for underwater combat and aquatic monsters.

So what might an encounter look like? Here’s an idea for CR 4.

It doesn’t look that hard, honestly. Nothing in the lineup is actually even CR 4. But you also have to remember that most classes don’t get anything interesting or impactful at level 4. Level four is the designated ability score improvement level. So they aren’t going to be able handle anything much more challenging than before, even if they all take super useful feats instead of score ups (if you use those rules). The challenge of this setup is the terrain and the cube. Gelatinous cubes are a menace in group fights with small spaces, and gargoyles and werewolves have a lot of basic damage resistance and high speed.

So, suppose you open the room like this.

“The room is dark. You can see several pillars in front of you and not much else. There are vague shapes near the tops, as though they are ornamented with some statuary that you can’t quite make out. The room smells foul, like decay, and you can hear an uncomfortable squelching noise coming from further in.”

The players guess: Well, something is clinging to the tops of the pillars, and there’s some form of ooze in there. They probably won’t split up, so they can avoid getting taken out by falling creatures, and they expect to gang up on the ooze to take care of it quickly. But the cube is a tank and they have no clue the werewolf is hiding in the shadows. They are going to get ambushed, boxed in by the cube and divebombed by gargoyles. Now, if they’re smart they will take advantage of the tight spaces between pillars and act like tunnel fighters. The center middle or the bottom right are ideal for using the cube in their favor, as it will likely absorb the werewolf or careless gargoyles on accident if they don’t all have enough space. Worst case scenario, they all fail to see the cube (which I’ve made a size larger, arbitrarily), they stay in the open and split up to get picked up by big swooping maneuvers (which I would play out to the sound of Roundabout by Yes playing in the background).

So say, you run a round and the players win easily. Then what?

When the players win a hard fought battle I give them loot. One item from each killed monster, and there is usually at least one monster per player. I used the donjon random loot generator set to uncommon magic items. In the case of an easy victory you can adjust to no loot or less loot, or maybe just non-magic loot.

The players beat an encounter. I move them to the waiting room to level up and sort loot, cover the arena back up, move tokens and terrain around, and start again.

How did I select the encounters? Why certain creatures and why put them together?

The answer isn’t satisfying. Gut feelings, matching mechanics, and CR. I like thematic encounters for the meat grinder, though those themes are sometimes very arbitrary. My CR 3 lineup was themed “This looks like the dumbest and best hippie van art ever” and consisted of a gnome bard riding a gryphon and three centaurs. It used mounted combat, high speed, and mobile casting. Terrain would be sparse and likely against the walls to make crevasses for players to trap or get trapped in. If it felt like it was going to be too tricky, I could drop one or two centaurs from the encounter.

Generally speaking a creature of a certain CR is balanced for a party of 4-5 players of the same level as the creatures CR, with “boss” monsters being occasional outliers. So typically, an encounter consists of a high CR monsters (at or just above the PCs level/CR) and some fodder minion of a lower CR. Some monsters are also designed as fodder monsters, however, so putting just a lot of fodder monsters of the same CR as the players level is also an option. The beauty of the lions cage is that it allows you to also mix and match lineups on the fly, you can add or subtract monsters easily to make it harder or easier for your players. My players got wiped out by the animated armor and wyrmling, and had I used one less armor, they would have definitely survived, but it might have been too easy if they had picked up on the theme of the round (high armor, low health, so using save spells and abilities was the most effective method).

When putting together an encounter, I start by looking at the donjon creature index (another great tool you should have bookmarked) and browsing for a key creature for the encounter. This is usually the same CR as the players level. I pick one and then build up complimenting creatures from the same or lower CR. And that’s most of it.

The beauty of the meat grinder is its simplicity. It’s perfect for practicing combat balancing, getting new players used to the mechanics of combat, or running a quick one shot with little prep. You can even adjust it into a sort of tournament arc sort of narrative or a game show sort of last man standing operation (with killed players running pvp fights).

If you read this whole thing, holy cow. You’re a trooper. I hope you learned something useful or got some ideas. If you run a meat grinder of your own, I wish you all the luck in the world. It’s fun and can be very rewarding. Think of it like the infinity train (the one from Adventure Time, not the show [I haven’t watched the show and probably should]), lots of possibility—itty-bitty living space.

[whiskynottea]

An interruption in the 1st law of thermodynamics.

Previously, Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37

AO3

A huge thank you to my amazing beta @theministerskat, for putting up with me and for making this story better!

Chapter 38. A Birthday Cake

I always imagined my 18th birthday as a super special day. It would be the beginning of my adult life, and needed to be celebrated accordingly. Not by throwing a huge party, not necessarily, but by doing something that I would remember forever. Something like what Jamie did for my 17th birthday. Now that would be a difficult day to surpass.

Jamie, however, was not of the same opinion when it came to his own 18th birthday. It was the coming Saturday, just five days away, and he told me it was just another birthday to him. The only thing he’d asked for was to spend it with me, and maybe hang out with Jenny and Ian too.

“So, you don’t want a party?” I asked him for what felt like the millionth time. “Are you sure?”

“Aye, Sassenach,” he answered, rolling his eyes skywards, and pulled me closer for a kiss. “I dinna need a bunch of people. I only have the one person in my mind that I want to spend it with, and she’s more than enough.” He gave me a cheeky smile and leaned in for another kiss.

“Okay, then,” I said, perfectly happy with the kiss but somewhat disappointed about the party. I wanted to do something special for him, like he had done for me. And mine hadn’t even been my 18th birthday.

Later that day during the lunch break, I ran to the cafeteria, hoping to find Jenny alone and discuss my plans for Jamie’s special day. However, my redhead arrived just after I did, taking the empty seat next to me.  

Great. Can’t a girl organize a surprise party at this school?

I whispered a “Later,” at Jenny’s puzzled look and focused on my food. I ate faster than ever, earning a surprised look from Jamie, and picked up my tray in hands, ready to leave.

“I have to meet Mrs. Fitz, see you later!” I said with a quick kiss to Jamie, then turned towards Jenny, whispering, “Meet me in the library.”

Five minutes later Jenny entered the quiet library. Everyone was in the cafeteria apart from two guys at the far end wearing earplugs, so I rushed into the subject hoping we wouldn’t be interrupted.

“I wanted to talk to you about Jamie’s birthday. I talked to him and he said he doesn’t want a party. What’s the plan? What are we doing?”

Jenny’s face changed abruptly, and she gave me a wistful smile. “Aye, of course he doesna want a party. I hoped this year would be different, since he has you, but apparently it isna.”

“What?” I asked, confused. This was not what I expected to hear. ��What do you mean?”

“Jamie hasn’t had a birthday party since he was a wee lad. It’s…” Jenny took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then continued, “Our mom and little brother were killed in a car accident, on their way to pick up Jamie’s birthday cake.” My eyes almost popped out of their sockets, but I didn’t speak, sensing she had more to say. Jenny crossed her arms in front of her chest, fingers digging into the soft flesh over her biceps. Her gaze was far away when she spoke again, eyes glinting with unshed tears. “She usually made the cake herself, she was a fine baker. But on his 8th birthday Jamie had repetitively asked for a 3D WALL.E cake. Mom couldna do it by herself, so she ordered it from a shop in Inverness. We lost them both, mom and wee Rob, that afternoon, and Jamie never wanted to celebrate his birthday again.”

I stood there shocked, looking at Jenny, feeling my heart breaking in my chest. “He never told me… I mean, I knew that your mom… But not how…”

“Aye, he blamed himself, he still does. Twasna his fault, and sometimes I just wish we could open his thick head and pluck out that stupid thought.”

“But we can’t,” I said, still lost, but trying to think how I could help him. He hadn’t even told me… “Jenny,” she looked back at me, once again composed. “He asked me if we could spend the day together, and maybe hang out with you guys.”

“Did he now?” she raised both eyebrows. “That’s an improvement. He usually spends the day all by himself and hardly accepts any well wishes.”

I nodded, more hopeful now, thinking I could take it a step further. “So we can gather up at your place, right?” I saw Jenny nodding and I continued. “I’m thinking of making him a birthday cake.”

Jenny pressed her lips into a thin line and shook her head in disagreement. “Claire, I dinna think that’s a good idea.”

“Homemade. With love. It’s not like we’re throwing a huge surprise party full of casual acquaintances, it’ll only be only the four of us. And Murtagh,” I added Jamie’s uncle as an afterthought. “He has to accept that we love him and we care. What kind of punishment lasts 10 years?”

“I dinna ken…” Jenny said, the frown on her face carving deep lines into her forehead. “If we lose him again?” she asked, and before I could ask what that meant she continued. “He didna talk to anybody for about six months after the accident. Not a single word. Not even to the therapist.”

“But he was eight years old, he’s eighteen now. He has to confront his guilt at some point. What’s a better opportunity than his birthday, having all the people who love him around? You know, to face his fears.” I emphasized each argument, feeling that they were as much for Jenny as for me. “I don’t know…” I began to doubt myself.

“Aye, me neither.” Jenny bit her lip hard, exhaling loudly.

We left the library with shadowed faces, both of us deep in thought. I didn’t know if Jenny was thinking back to that day, to the party that turned into a funeral. I was thinking of it, of the boy who expected his mother back at any moment, the sister who kept teasing him about her last birthday cake being better because it had strawberries in it, the father who picked up the phone and heard the cold voice of a stranger announcing that his wife and son wouldn’t be coming home. Loss, knocking on their door when they least expected it.

But do we ever expect loss?

I knew I hadn’t expected my parents to never come back home from their weekend anniversary trip. And yet, they hadn’t. I’d been sure that I would listen to the doorbell at any moment and my parents would wait for me behind the heavy wooden door, with the doll they’d promised me and the hugs I’d missed - but the doorbell never rung. What had rung was Lamb’s phone, interrupting my narration about the elephant and the mouse, and moments later, Lamb was trying to steady himself with a hand on the kitchen table. Phone calls, changing our lives forever.

The more I thought about it, the more certain I was that I needed to help Jamie forgive himself. He had to accept the fact that life is cruel sometimes and it’s no one’s fault. Certainly not his. He had been just a little boy who wanted a special cake for his birthday.

I was lucky enough to leave school alone, or else Jamie would have seen on my face that something was wrong. Still, he texted me once he finished training, asking if I was alright.

Damn his sixth sense.

I texted him back, a message full of emojis and exclamation points, trying to convince him everything was perfectly alright.

That night I lay in my bed, thinking about Jamie’s birthday over and over again, while texting him about the irrelevant details of my day.

Sassenach: We had chicken for dinner, too!

I sent the message, my mind far away from my dinner with Lamb.

Will he be mad at me, when he’ll realize I pushed him so much, knowing what this meant for him?

Another text from Jamie, quoting me saying that I didn’t like chicken.

Sassenach: I know, but Lamb is really good at it! An Indian recipe I think.

And back to my thoughts again.

Should I do a WALL.E themed cake, to give him what he never got as a boy? Will that bring back only bad memories?

Another text. Jamie seemed pretty invested in my uncle’s tikka masala recipe.

Sassenach: Pretty sure it had turmeric in it. It helps the memory, did you know that?

I sent the message and winced.   

What if he wants to delete those memories? Should I just listen to Jenny and be content with the fact that Jamie won’t lock himself in his room this year?

I was still waiting for Jamie’s reply, when his sister’s name popped up in my notifications.

Jenny: Someone has to shake him out of this stupid guilt loop. Let’s do it Claire.

And then another one.

Jenny: Do you know how to make a cake?

Well, the truth was that I didn’t. I had never baked anything in my life, but there is a first time for everything.

I would make his birthday cake. I was on a mission.

The next day I started my search for recipes, thanking Brin and Page for inventing Google. I needed something easy, preferably with almonds and cherries. Not more than two layers, because a cake falling-apart would make no one feel better. Not a super fancy frosting either. Definitely not sugarpaste - I hated sugarpaste. At last, I ended up with a couple of recipes that seemed relatively easy and tasty, and chose the one with the prettiest picture - hoping mine would look the same, even though I knew it wouldn’t.

That Friday night I asked Lamb if we could cancel our usual dinner out, and stationed myself in the kitchen.

It took me an hour and a half of mixing and waiting expectantly in front of the oven, only to end up with a flat, uneven cake that looked like a total disaster. After more google searching, I learned I wasn’t supposed to overmix the batter after I’d added the flour.

Had I overmixed it? Was that when I went to my room for a quick call with Jamie?

Cursing and hissing, I started over, paying more attention to the recipe now. However, I did give myself a little pat on the back for buying double amounts of all the ingredients.

Another hour and a half later, I had a perfect almond cake cooling on the rack. I took a deep breath and proceeded with the filling. I’d opted for a simple, classic buttercream with cherries. The swiss meringue buttercream sounded delicious, but I didn’t trust myself with those egg whites. Having already ruined the cake once, I felt like the increased risk wouldn’t pay off in the end.

It took me another hour to finish with the filling and assemble the cake. God, baking was exhausting. Finally, I sat at the kitchen table, admiring the product of my labor. It didn’t look like the picture I had seen, but it was beautiful. One final touch, and it would be complete.

I took the piping bag, filled it with dark blue buttercream and tried to keep my hand steady.

Just keep swimming.

We love you.

It was from Finding Nemo, not WALL.E, and it was perfect. Both figurative and literal. No one would ever call it calligraphy, but it was legible. The final ‘you’ was a little smaller because I accidentally made the ‘love’ bigger. I thought of fixing the second line and rewriting it, but I wasn’t sure if the first layer would show through or not. Plus, I was exhausted.

I set the cake in the fridge and walked straight to my room. It was a quarter to twelve, and I knew that Jamie would be asleep already, but I wanted to stay up until midnight to be the first to wish him a happy birthday. The second after I sent the message, I fell into bed and slept, dreaming of runny frostings and crooked letters.

Jamie’s text woke me the next morning, much earlier than I would have liked. I called him back, singing the sleepiest rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ and taking in his laughter like it was an espresso shot.

Jamie had no idea about the cake. All he knew was that we’d meet after his training, we’d buy to-go coffee and we’d walk to our favorite place – Calton Hill. And this was exactly what we did.

Jamie was happy, and I felt my heart fill every time his laughter echoed in my ears. We sat at our spot and I gave him his gift, the one he’d been asking for from the first moment he saw me caring the bag. He took the wrapped box in his hands and looked at me with a broad, childish grin that made me think of the little boy waiting for his mother to return home with his cake. I swallowed hard and blinked back tears, grateful that Jamie was too distracted with the colorful packaging to notice me.

“What is it, Sassenach?” he asked, eyes fixed on the box.

“You might as well open it and find out,” I smiled at him, hoping he’d like it. I had been looking for his gift for almost a month.

Jamie tore open the wrapping paper and stared at the box. “Ultra Fast-Dry Travel and Sports Towel,” he murmured.

“Lightweight and compact, an essential gear for swimmers!” I chimed in as if I were in a television advertisement.

Jamie flashed me a huge smile and leaned in to kiss me, the box blocking us from getting too close.

“Do you like it?” I whispered the moment my lips were free again.

“I love it, Sassenach,” he answered, setting the box to the side to pull me into his arms.

We kissed for a long while, before Jamie opened the box to inspect just how soft his towel was. “Now I’ll have something from ye when I’m at the pool as well,” he said, making my stomach flutter with his cheesiness.

Jamie walked me home just before lunch, and we set our date for six o'clock in the evening. Before I walked in I turned to see him leaving, hoping that the evening’s celebration would go just as well as the morning’s.

–

At six o'clock, I balanced the cake in one hand and used the other to ring the doorbell at Murtagh’s apartment. I’d met Suzzette in front of the building and she’d let me in with a smile that said ‘Happy birthday to your boyfriend!’. I’d climbed up the stairs, had taken the cake out of its box and was now waiting at front door with a celebratory smile, hearing the commotion from inside the apartment, and then Jamie’s voice coming closer to the door. “Okay, okay, I’ll get it!”

The first thing I saw when he opened the door was his sweet smile freeze on his face.

That cost me two heartbeats. Skipped, lost forever.

I looked past him to find Jenny, Ian, and Murtagh in a semicircle of hope. They all looked back at me with encouraging nods and smiles. Taking that as a good omen, I turned my eyes back on Jamie. His smile had now disappeared, and a cold mask was over his face, hiding all his feelings.

“Happy birthday!” I said, trying to beat that blank stare, but it didn’t come out as happy as I hoped.

Jamie swallowed hard, his fingers drumming on his thigh almost as fast as my heart in my chest. He opened his mouth to speak and I held my breath, but no words came out.

“I made it myself,” I whispered with half a smile, trying not to cry on his doorstep with the cake still in my hands.

This was such a bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.

“Won’t ye invite the lass inside, Jamie?” Murtagh’s voice was stern and I wondered if he did it on purpose, to hide the worry in it.

Jamie didn’t say anything, just stepped aside to let me in.

I said a broken “Hello,” to the three gloomy figures in the living room and headed straight to the kitchen to avoid another uncomfortable silence.

I left the cake on the countertop, folded my arms in front of my chest, and focused on my breathing in a last attempt to keep the tears at bay. I heard a mumble of voices was from the living room, but I couldn’t discern any words. I didn’t know how much time had passed when I finally felt the tears roll down on my cheeks, disobeying every order given by my brain.

I went way too far. The gift and a quiet evening would have been enough. Now I’ve ruined it all.

“Claire,” Jamie’s voice was low as he walked across the kitchen to come behind me.

Without saying anything, he wrapped his arms around my waist, and buried his head in the crook of my neck. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s me that should be sorry,” I said, the tears flowing now out of control. It was as if his touch had broken the last part of the dam that stood upright until that moment. “I shouldn’t have done it. Jenny told me, I knew…”

“Aye, I ken. Dinna cry, mo chridhe.” I felt his own tears on my neck, but I wasn’t able to utter a single word. “I’m sorry I reacted that way.”

“I just…” I said, sobs interrupting my sentence. “I just wanted… Wanted to help.”

“I ken, Claire. Tis just not that easy.”

“I know, but it will never be easy.” Every time he called me by my name, I felt like he was twisting a small knife into my heart - but he had to realize that I knew, that I understood him. I took a breath and continued. “I wanted you to know that it’s okay to mourn your mother, but it isn’t okay to blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. It’s not fair.” I truly believed what I said, but I still felt that I trespassed on territory I shouldn’t set my foot on. “But I shouldn’t do that,” I continued, putting a hand on his arm. “I should maybe wait for you to be ready…”

“Sassenach,” he whispered, and sighed loudly. “I’ll never be ready. My Da and Jenny gave up a long while ago. Murtagh and Ian too, because I didna listen to them. But ye tried to overwrite the bad memories with good ones, aye? Ye’ve the devil’s own courage, Sassenach.”

“I tried and I failed. I just created more bad memories.”

“No, you didna. And it’s not ye who failed.” Jamie turned me around and cupped my face, brushing the tears away from my cheekbones. “I failed ye. Ye believed in me, but I didn’t… This is so bloody hard, Claire.”

It was my turn to kiss his tears away. “I know. I’m not saying that a cake will change it all, but I thought we could try. It was never your fault, Jamie. It wasn’t a cake or your birthday that took your mom away. It was an accident, life’s wicked game.”

Jamie nodded repeatedly. “It’s just that… If I hadna insisted on the fancy cake, she’d never have gone to Inverness, she’d never… “

I stopped him with a finger on his lips. “Jamie, you didn’t know. You couldn’t have known. There are millions of ‘what if’s’ in everything we do. You just don’t know what might have happened, and it’s time to stop punishing yourself. Your mom wouldn’t want you to carry this on your back.”

Jamie looked at me seriously, and I saw something change in his gaze. “No, she wouldna.” He closed his eyes for a moment, taking deep, full breaths. “I dinna promise ye anything, Sassenach, but I’ll try.” He kissed my forehead, murmuring against my skin, “Thank ye for being by my side.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere else,” I said, kissing his jaw, before I brought his face down to mine, tasting his lips. Our kiss was salty from our tears, but sweet with hope. “It’s with almond and cherries!” I said, nodding towards the cake.

Jamie looked at the cake and turned his blue glittering eyes back to me, smiling. “I’ll keep swimming,” he breathed. “Because you love me.”

I kissed him again, feeling his warmth permeating my skin, making me feel safe again, calming the screams in my mind that cried that I’d lost him.

“Are ye sure that ye willna poison us, Sassenach?” he asked with a teasing smile, and I pinched his side in response.

“You ungrateful -” His mouth swallowed the single word he knew that would follow.

“Scot,” he continued for me.

We took the cake and walked back to the living room, the stains from the tears on our cheeks ending up to curled up lips. Jenny placed eighteen colorful candles on the cake, and we all sang for Jamie. For a Happy Birthday, after ten sad ones.

When he blew the candles out, Murtagh took him in a tight embrace, saying in a broken voice that his mother would be proud of him. I smiled, glancing up to the ceiling, and I silently told Ellen that I was taking good care of her lad. A moment later I felt her daughter’s hand squeezing mine.

Chapter 39

[dorkyungsoowrites]

Spontaneous Attraction Ch. 29

Pairings: Kyungsoo x You

Genre: Fluff/Angst/Smut | Ambiguous AU

Warnings: None

Word Count: 5.6k

Description: Kyungsoo tries to ask you a question.

A/N: It is explained, but there's a significant time jump from the last chapter.

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"So what's the special occasion?" The question had been choked down for hours in the back of your throat. He made you promise to trust him when he came home that night and told you to dress up as he hurried to put on a suit. So you did and followed him to a restaurant. The one you went to on your first date, you noted. You even sat at the same booth. Everyone else around you wore comfortable jeans and other casual wear. You felt terribly overdressed. But the real thing that tipped you off that something more was going on--something more than a normal date night--was when he ordered two glasses of expensive wine. It just wasn't like him to drink that often. At least not fancy rosé like the waiter was pouring for you both. Filling the tall stemmed glasses a third of the way with the shimmering pale pink liquid. Kyungsoo was fidgeting also. Tugging on the cuffs of his sleeves and smoothing his tie. Going to run his fingers through his hair only to remember he styled it up and stopping himself. Pushing up his glasses instead. He was nervous about something. So once the waiter left with your food orders you let your curiosity be known. You adjusted your dress as you waited for him to answer your question.

"Well, I-" Kyungsoo halted with a dry voice. He held up a finger for you to wait then grabbed his wine glass. Tipping the alcohol past his lips, you watched him swallow twice before setting down an almost empty glass. You reached partway across the table, palm up, and lowered your voice.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong? You're worrying me." He reacted immediately by placing his hand in yours, curling his fingers around it. His palm was sweaty.

"Nothing," he urged with a shake of his head. Kyungsoo exhaled forcibly to calm himself and smiled, the corners of his mouth fighting with his will to show he wasn't anxious. His gaze settling on you in that way that filtered out the rest of the world. "Absolutely nothing could be wrong with you here." You giggled and squeezed his hand in a comforting gesture.

"My heart still does funny things when you talk like that."

"In a good way?"

"You're endlessly charming. You should know that by now, Kyungsoo." You stroked the side of his hand with your thumb. His eyes flickered to the movement. His focus was back on your features just as quickly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry for making you worry. I'm trying to surprise you, but I'm not very good at hiding my nerves."

"Why would you be nervous? You know I love surprises." He looked away. Back to your joined hands. You stopped your thumb when he pinched the silver band on your ring finger and began to twirl it. His answer was spoken slowly. Carefully. Trying to keep his secret.

"I...don't know how you'll react to this one."

"Well then I'll wait until we're done eating. That way you can have time to relax and think of what to say and even if I don't like it, which I seriously doubt, we'll still have had a nice dinner together. Dressing up was a cute idea by the way."

"Yeah?" Then he repeated it as if to confirm to himself. "Yeah, after eating. Sounds good." You reached for your wine glass with your free hand, swirling the liquid inside first to see the little layer of film appear. You took a small sip, letting the sharp tang hover on your tongue before swallowing. It was sweeter than you anticipated. You brightened your smile and changed topics. Fingertips playing with the stem of your glass.

"So, did Chanyeol tell you about his new project?" Kyungsoo shook his head, eyes hesitantly raising to yours. "He's making a mixtape for his girlfriend for christmas."

"They've been together a year right?"

"Almost. I remember because they started dating about a month after our third anniversary."

"It's crazy how almost four years can feel like a lifetime," Kyungsoo mumbled with a softness to his tone.

"As long as he doesn't recreate our accidental audio for the boys then I think he'll be fine." You both laughed at the memory. The day Junmyeon called to scold Kyungsoo and you on speaker over the phone had to be the most embarrassed you've ever been. Apparently Yixing was the first to discover the recording and had frozen in shock and horror. Sehun thought his face would be permanently red. It was deleted in every way imaginable before you could even apologize.

One day while visiting Kyungsoo at work things got a little out of control in the practice room. It had been on your fantasy list, you could turn on a light to show not to disturb the people inside, and it was soundproof. The perfect spot to get away with having sex. So you thought. Turns out when Kyungsoo flipped on the light outside the door he started recording by accident. The two microphones in the room picked up everything. Yes, everything. Especially to your frustration the next few weeks after that, the way Kyungsoo spoke to you when he was dominating you. Baekhyun and Jongdae and Sehun had teased you for so long. Now, however, it was just another funny story on your list of anecdotes that you could laugh at with everyone. It was over a year ago at this point.

"Speaking of dates," you continued. "Your christmas concert is next week right? Then those extra concerts in southern Japan. Will you be back in time for your birthday?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well what about our anniversary? I know five is supposed to be the bigger one, but we can make four fun too." You saw his thoughts flickering behind his eyes. Staring into space. Had he even heard you? Then his eyebrows twitched up minutely. Like he had an idea. He snapped back to reality.

"Actually, I...I wanted to talk to you about that." He must have seen how your smile sagged because he laced your fingers together tightly and corrected himself quickly before you could assume anything bad. "I meant the concert. Yes I'll be home for our anniversary. Shit, my brain is all over the place right now." So he had heard you.

"Okay," you answered warily before perking up. Letting his odd behavior roll off your back. "What's up?"

"Maybe you can come with me?"

"To Japan?"

"Yes. You always talk about wanting to see our concerts but never being able to buy tickets. Let me talk to our manager about letting you come."

"Kyungsoo, we've discussed you just letting me in your concerts. It doesn't feel right."

"Then you can pay for your own flight and share a hotel room with me just like we would on holiday. Consider the concert my christmas gift." His hopeful grin made you want to accept. It widened when he saw you contemplating the offer. "Come on, I'd love to share my work with you. You can watch us perform and hear the fanchants. The whole experience. And we get to spend christmas together." Your heart began to melt until you remembered something.

"Christmas..." You took your hand back dejectedly. Both of you wiped the dampness off from his sweating palm. "I have my christmas concert with the orchestra. I can't leave."

"Oh...that's right." He was already thinking up a plan to get this to work. "Don't they have substitutes? You could say you're sick."

"I'd love to spend christmas with you, sweetheart. You know I would. But some of the other orchestra members know Exo. They'll see I was at your concert. I'd never ditch my job like that anyway." He downed the rest of his rosé. You witnessed his hope crumbling. Biting the inside of his lip to contain his frown. You wanted to make it work. For him. Brain working toward a compromise. "...but I can fly out to the concert after that. That's only three days after christmas. We can do that." The joy he exuded at your offer could have lit up the universe. Or maybe that was just the illusion since his eyes held so many stars. You wanted to take his face in your hands and kiss him breathless. You imagined the other restaurant patrons wouldn't appreciate that so much, though. He was about to burst with happiness. You needed to add your condition before he got too carried away. "If your manager says it's fine, then I'll quietly sit backstage so I don't feel like I'm taking anyone's spot who bought a ticket."

"Yes, of course. Anything. I'll talk to him first thing tomorrow, jagi. Thank you." The waiter came back to refill your wine glasses. He left right after with a quick mention that your food was almost done.

"Is that what you were so nervous about before Kyungsoo?"

"No, but uh, well." He was searching for the right words. "Why wait until after eating? I, uh, got a part in a new movie." It didn't sound very practiced. You wondered for a second if this was truly what had him so worked up before.

"Why were you so nervous then? That's fantastic news, darling. Now I understand why we dressed up. This is so nice."

"Because, uh...there's a kissing scene."

"Kyungsoo," you laughed. "How ridiculous. It's just acting. I won't be upset. It's so great you can keep making films. Can you tell me anything about the plot or is it a secret?"

"Secret," he sighed in relief. One side of his mouth pulling up further than the other in a lop-sided smile.

"Are you the lead? I mean you must be with how good you are." He chuckled bashfully at your compliment.

"Thank you, but I'm still learning."

"So...?"

"Yes, me and the two actors playing beside me are the leads."

"When do you start working on it?"

"The first table read is in two weeks."

"See? That wasn't so hard." You raised your glass. "To the success of your career." He mimicked you and added,

"To you coming to our concert." The crystal rang when you tapped your glasses together, stopping as you both sipped the sweet wine. Ready to enjoy your dinner with no nerves getting in the way.

The amount of notifications you got the next week from all the members was staggering. They were all so excited to show you their tour life. You received the okay from their manager to sit backstage or stand by the security at the front of the stage so you could watch as well as listen. So once you finished the last day of your own christmas concerts you flew out to meet them. The venue was huge and you had to put on a staff badge Kyungsoo had given you so no one would kick you out. You arrived hours ahead so you could see the rehearsal. Sneaking in and sitting near the stage to watch as they finalized the lighting setup and ran through a few of the sets to check the audio. Smiling to yourself as you observed their professionalism even when going over where they were meant to stand on stage during dance breaks and such. It was fascinating. The differences between your concert prep and theirs was incredible. The rush of taking in a multitude of new things at once was exhilarating. There must have been dozens of lighting techs and audio engineers and stage hands. Not to mention the power it took to use all these ginormous LED walls and spotlights. Then you had to coordinate them all together. There was an expert for every facet of the concert. It was the largest front of house setup you'd ever seen. You were half afraid of the chaos you would find backstage.

It was after the staff declared they were prepared and the members went away that you made your way backstage. Sure it was a humongous space, but you had been inside enough concert halls in your life to navigate your way easily enough. Plus the boys were pretty loud. You found them in the green room away from staff fighting over snacks. The space was fairly large for a green room with two big sofas, a wall of vanities for makeup, and a table with an assortment of drinks and food on it on the far wall. You were frightened to think of the disarray it would all be in by the end of the night.

When you entered and said hello all nine of them came barreling to give you a hug. You laughed and greeted each of them. They were more chipper than usual. Hyped up for the concert, you imagined. Kyungsoo waited to be the last, dipping down for a quick kiss before inviting you to sit with him. Everyone slowly trickling back to the sofas with you as they got their snacks and water. You chatted like normal until a few makeup artists came in. You were introduced before they stole away a few of the members at a time to get them ready. You followed Kyungsoo to the vanity out of curiosity and talked with the woman doing his makeup as she worked. Doing your best trying to understand what Kyungsoo experienced whenever he had to tour. You weren't sure how he managed it all. There were a million things he had to remember and keep organized, and he had to do it while smiling and having fun. You know they all loved it, but you would've collapsed from exhaustion years ago. It was a blessing they all had such bright and energetic personalities. It made everything easier for them. It was no wonder why Kyungsoo had been so grateful towards you all that time back when you first started dating. Your support and encouragement meant a lot to him in times like these. When days blurred together and there was so much to memorize and adapt to. You were his grounding force. The calm amidst the flurry of busy schedules. You only wish you could always be there for him. Like on christmas.

"Alright," the woman doing his makeup declared. Snapping you out of your thoughts. She set down the brush she had just been using and switched it for a pencil and a pink tube. "I'm doing his lips, so no more kissing tonight."

"Yes ma'am," you chuckled. It had been amazing watching him transform. The makeup itself was subtle, but it highlighted some of his best features. The eyeliner, the slightest contour of his cheekbones, and his lips. She matched his shade almost exactly. The wand with the tinted lip gloss painting on the last touches to his look. Kyungsoo smacked his lips together a few times, making a popping noise.

"You're all done. You know the drill." She began packing up her things while Kyungsoo stood and took your hand.

"Follow me," he told you. The next stop was in a different room down the hall nearest the stage. Some of the others were already in chairs on one side. The other half of the room was dedicated to clothing racks with nine variations of each outfit they'd wear that night. And every rack had a tag with a members name on it. Kyungsoo paused in front of his and let go of your hand. You stood to the side while he changed. This room smelled like various hair products. Exactly like a salon. Right as you thought that a woman turned on a hairdryer and began blowing out Jongdae's hair. You did your best to stay out of the way when Kyungsoo sat in one of the empty chairs and started getting his hair styled. The man doing it was friendly and rambled on about his wife and two daughters while he worked various mousses and sprays into Kyungsoo's thick locks. Blowing it out even though there wasn't much for his brush to grab so it had more volume and stayed in place. Suddenly you felt someone poking your sides and you startled with a tiny gasp and whirled around to see Baekhyun. He chuckled and pulled you away from Kyungsoo, leaning close.

"I have a question for you." You weren't sure why he was speaking so conspiratorially, but didn't think much about it.

"What is it?"

"Have you ever thought about how Kyungsoo will propose to you?" You grinned and shook you head. It wasn't even a question to the others if he was going to at some point by now. They joked about how you acted married already. You had to scold them to stop pestering him with it a while back.

"Well that's out of nowhere. Not really. Why?"

"Oh I was just thinking about it seeing you here. I could see him calling you out on stage at the end of the concert and asking. Don't you? That'd be really romantic."

"You mean awful?" you scoffed. Baekhyun's grin dimmed slightly. "Being the center of focus in front of thousands of people sounds like my nightmare scenario. Why do you think I love being third chair in the orchestra? No solos." His eyes darted over your shoulder. You glanced and greeted Kyungsoo as he strolled up beside you.

"B-but,' Baekhyun stammered like he was working to get his thoughts out as quickly as possible. "I thought you loved big romantic gestures and all that?"

"In movies," you replied. "I'd probably get a panic attack if he took me up on stage. Besides," you nudged Kyungsoo with your shoulder. "He doesn't need to try. He's already naturally a prince charming." You expected a hardier chuckle from him, but they both only gave you forced smiles and a quiet,

"Thanks jagi," from beside you.

"Anyway," you brushed off. "Fairy tales are nice and all, but we're private people. I couldn't imagine Soo kneeling on stage. It just wouldn't be him. You, maybe. Chanyeol, definitely." Baekhyun joined your laughter then.

"Yeah. Yeol would pull something like that. Hey, uh, why don't we do your concert ritual?"

"But it's not my concert."

"Well maybe I want to start doing it too."

"You want to walk around all the different seating sections to see the stage through your audiences eyes?" you questioned skeptically. Not for his intention. He had a good heart. But going around the whole arena would take time he didn't seem to have.

"Well then we'll skip to sitting in the back row. Can I steal her Soo?"

"Yeah," he answered slowly. Then his brain caught up and he pointed at Baekhyun. "But you need to be back in twenty minutes for micing."

"You got it." The singer grabbed your hand and bounded away, pulling you with him.

It took half the time allotted just to walk up to the furthest row. When you sat you both marveled at how small the staff appeared. Even the front of house looked like ants. Imagining what it would look like once the seats were filled. Baekhyun set his hand on your knee. You looked over but he was still focused on the stage. He began massaging your knee anxiously. Voice soft and eyes serious.

"Everything's going to change, isn't it?"

"Why do you think that?"

"When you marry Kyungsoo for real."

"Baekhyunnie," you cooed. "Is there something you want to tell me about tonight?"

"No," he answered calmly. "No, just...saw something online. That's all." You rested your hand on top of his to still it and hopefully comfort him. He took a deep breath and clasped your hands together. His fingers squeezing tightly.

"Have you all been getting enough sleep? I know how you get."

"That's not it."

"Are you sure? Because everyone's been acting a little strange since I got here, and I'd like to blame it on excess adrenaline."

"You've just never seen us before a concert," he smirked. As his mood brightened it eased your worry slightly, but you weren't stupid. Something was going on. You put your other hand over the ones already joined, encapsulating his soft hand in both of yours.

"Well please take care of yourself. You make me worry when you talk like that. You know Kyungsoo loves you. He would never leave. Not even for me."

"He left the dorm for you, and he said he'd never do that."

"Oh honey," you breathed before pulling him in for a hug. Both of you twisted sideways in your chairs to reach comfortably. You felt him hide his face in your neck. He might have smudged his makeup so you threw caution out and carded your fingers through his hair. Petting him to soothe him. It was still soft under all the hairspray. "Even if Kyungsoo wanted to run off and elope with me tonight nothing would change tomorrow. Marriage isn't some all-encompassing event that changes everything. It's a piece of paper and some words. Adding one more member to your family doesn't sound that scary, does it?"

"You're already family," he spoke firmly. Words muffled by your clothes. "But you're right. You make it sound like it's not that big. Thank you." You eased him off you and smiled gently while fixing his hair back into place.

"Besides, who knows if we'll ever even get married. Either way we'll be here for you. All of us together. Okay? I promise. Do you feel better?" He nodded and returned your smile. You noticed his smudged eyeliner and did your best to wipe it with your thumb just under the outside corner of his eye, but it would need to be fixed properly. "Let's go back before you get scolded, okay?"

"Hold my hand?"

"Sure," you chuckled as you stood and took his hand. He followed you that time. When you arrived back he was nagged at by the makeup artist while she properly corrected the eyeliner before being rushed to get his mic set up. You stayed out of the way for a while. Waiting in the green room on your phone until the lights dimmed. You shut off your phone and walked quietly behind the center of the stage where you saw all nine of them getting ready. You went to Kyungsoo and told him you'd be enjoying the performance from the camera monitors backstage. He bent his mic away from his mouth and took out one of his earpieces.

"Are you sure?" he questioned. "The manager said you could stand in front of the barricade with security to see better. Or with the front of the house."

"I don't want to stick out."

"Well, maybe just for the last part then? They'll play a video and you can sneak out to watch the ending mention and the final song. It would mean so much to me to see you in the crowd." You glanced toward the stage. The joined conversations of all the waiting fans seemingly getting louder the longer you stared. There were so many people out there. Your ears hummed with their garbled speech. Then you looked back at Kyungsoo. His kind, hopeful eyes and his wavering grin. The rest of the world didn't seem so noisy anymore. He got you to go this far for him. What was standing by a crowd with a few cameras pointing at you? Nothing, if it made him happy.

"Okay." Yixing leaned over.

"You're going out there later?"

"Yes." At your answer he turned around and started passing the word around to the others. "You're going to be wonderful Kyungsoo. Just like always."

"Thank you jagi. Now I'm all fired up!" Kyungsoo jumped in place and laughed, clapping his hands together in excitement. He looked over your shoulder before hurriedly stealing a kiss. You giggled and covered your mouth with your hand. You felt where he had rubbed the tinted lip gloss on your face. Doing your best to wipe it off before someone saw. He smacked his lips together playfully and grinned. "Enjoy the performance."

You more than enjoyed it. You loved it. Watching them dance and sing and talk with their fans. Seeing them run past you during the video clips to change outfits, dab off sweat and chug water. Hearing the fanchants and seeing the ocean of lights. You didn't think you'd get your heart to calm down for days it was such a rush. When the final video clip was playing you froze staring at the split in the equipment that opened to the steps that would lead you in front of the barricade and out to the front of the stage. You could peek at a group of people who were making comments to eachother while they watched the video. Suddenly it wasn't just excitement making your heart race. You couldn't get what Baekhyun said out of your head. What if Kyungsoo was going to propose to you? What would you do if he asked you to stand on stage with him? You clutched your chest and took a deep breath. Doing your best to put away the anxiety. Because even if he did, would it really be that terrifying?

No. No...you don't think it would be that bad at all. If nothing else, you rationalized, you would do your best to tune out the crowd. Just focus on Kyungsoo. He would ground you. That's what you told yourself.

Taking the first few steps forward, you squinted at the dark floor and found your way to a security staff who, once you gave your name to them, they smiled and escorted you to the right place. Informing the guard they were leaving you with of the situation before going back to their post. You ended up where the stage branched in two directions. It was taller than it looked on camera, but you could see the large semi-circle that made up the back part of the stage. The part that connected to the straight walkway you were beside. A perfect view for where they'd be standing during their mention. You remembered that from rehearsal.

The people behind you were talking quietly. You did your best not to look around. If you saw just how many people were around you you knew you'd panic. You began using your thumb to massage the opposite hand and focused on the stage.

"Hey," you heard from behind you. Then it was repeated with your name attached, so you couldn't help but pivot on your heels. It was a girl who looked a few years younger than you. She waved her lightstick and smiled. "You're Kyungsoo's girlfriend. I didn't see you before. Are you here for something special?"

"Oh, no," you answered politely with a small smile. "We've both been working so I was only able to come support him today."

"I saw clips of your concert on christmas eve and christmas. It was very beautiful. You must be very proud."

"I am. Thank you very much."

"You must be really tired from flying. I hope you ate."

"I did. And not tired don't worry. Just anxious with so many people in one room."

"Oh you have anxiety? Is that why you've never gone to an Exo concert before?"

"Plus it's so damn hard to buy a ticket." You both laughed and the video ended. The room filled with screams and cheers. The girl included. You turned back around and your eyes immediately found Kyungsoo. Junmyeon started talking so the space grew quieter. Kyungsoo was squinting, trying to see past the stage lights, scanning the crowd around the edges of the stage. Then he found you. The corners of his mouth lifted. You grinned back and waved. The hand holding his mic spared two fingers to subtly wave back. Chanyeol tapped his shoulder and whispered in his ear. Kyungsoo nodded his head in your direction and Chanyeol found you as well. He was less subtle. Shaking Kyungsoo in his excitement before going around to get Jongin's attention and point at you. Each of the members had seen where you were by the time three of them had finished their mentions. It was so surreal to see the men you drank and hung out with for years standing under spotlights and talking to their fans. Their very real, very loud fans. You were so caught up in your thoughts you were startled when you realized Kyungsoo had already been speaking.

"And I'm so grateful to have the people closest to me here supporting me tonight, and every day." His gaze landed on you. "I know even when we're far apart you're sending me your love. To the ones who give me strength, thank you." Kyungsoo looked away to see more of the crowd, but you were stuck with a dopey grin on your face. "I hope you all travel home safely and eat a good meal. Be careful of the weather also. It's getting colder since it's almost janurary. Thank you for coming out tonight." He bowed deeply and everyone cheered. Suddenly they were all done and their final song started. The members broke apart to spread around the stage. It was a ballad. You heaved a sigh of relief. No proposal. He didn't even mention you were here directly. You went mostly unnoticed.

Until Baekhyun sent you links to different posts online anyway. They were positive, but it was embarrassing to see your lovestruck, stupid face from five seperate angles with captions and comments about how in love Kyungsoo and you were. A thousand screenshots shared a thousand times from when they were singing and he kneeled in front of you. The moment when Kyungsoo winked at you before returning to wave at fans. The girl you talked to briefly had made a popular post recounting the little chat. People were sharing it like wildfire. Saying how great it was that you overcame your anxiety to watch Exo live. Re-sharing old stories about you interacting with Exo fans as evidence of how kind you are. There were negative comments as well just like every other damn thing posted on the internet, so you got off your phone. Re-affirming to yourself on why you were glad you hadn't created any social media accounts. At least not one where you interacted openly as yourself. Private accounts existed for a reason.

The final straw that proved once and for all that Kyungsoo was planning to propose to you happened the day after he got back from Japan. He had insisted you go for a walk in the park. You say insisted because you'd rather he catch up on sleep and it had gotten late already. He had on suit pants and a button down white shirt instead of clothes he was more comfortable in. That was suspicious enough, but he also went out without anything to cover his face. All you had were your coats. Fingers braided together, he lead you to the river. Following the paved path. It wasn't as abandoned as you suspected it would be. There was at least a dozen other people you could spot. You kept your free hand out of the cold in your coat pocket. The one linked with his growing clammy. He was nervous again. After some time passed, however, your nose began to get icy from the wind.

"Hey Soo," you called softly. He looked over at you, slowing his steps. "We've been out here a while. I love walking with you, but my face is starting to freeze. Can we go home?" He chuckled.

"Sorry, I...I guess I just don't know how to start this."

"Start what?" Instead of answering right away he turned off the path. Taking you into the grass closer to the river bank and stopping to face you. The lamps from the park cast shadows around you and made his skin glow.

"You know I've always been crazy in love with you right?" His free hand went up to your cold cheek, stepping closer. "I feel like because of my position as an idol our relationship hasn't been able to progress in the most traditional manner, but I wouldn't change a thing."

"Of course, sweetheart. I love you too."

"Well I--I actually..." Kyungsoo cleared his throat, eyes darting around your face. He laughed nervously, trying to keep composed. "I've been trying to do this for a long time." Your heart galloped in your chest. You pressed your lips together tightly. Trying your best not to give away you knew by smiling full-on. His palm lowered from your cheek, reaching into his pocket. You were on edge, voice caught in the back of your throat. Ready to scream 'yes'. His visage shaded a bright pink you hoped wasn't only from the chilly wind. It really was freezing out. You were starting to shiver.

"Oh my god!" Someone shouted beside you. You whipped your head around to see a group of five girls and three boys coming your way. They were students. Still in their uniforms. You knew the drill at this point. Dropping your hand from his, you took a step back while Kyungsoo greeted them. They apologized for interrupting, he assured them it was alright, and signed some of their notebooks. Keeping idle chat throughout to be polite. As they apologized again for barging in on your date another couple saw the commotion and came over. Kyungsoo talked with them as well. You smiled to yourself.

Once he was done he took your hand again and you both said goodbye to the small crowd. Kyungsoo walked faster than before away from them towards your apartment. Jaw set in a hard line.

Guess you'd have to wait for him to plan a different proposal.

[ks-caster]

I never figured out a title for this one - despite the length and depth of the outline??

Fandom: Bleach

Characters: Okay, this one centers on an OC. Most of my OC ones I just deleted in the purge - but the second half of this one centers on Tatsuki and Byakuya, and I thought maybe someone might like to experiment with their character development/relationship, so here it is for perusal. 

My outline is under the cut.

After staying late at a friend’s house and missing the last train, Ichigo runs back home through three towns, and just when he is about to arrive, he finds and unconscious girl lying on the sidewalk, with bloody bare feet and splatters of blood all over her chest. He takes her home for his father to treat. {Make her hair platinum blonde, almost white, but with just a little yellow, so she’s not like Toshiro.}

The girl regains consciousness late that afternoon, but she has no memories. Isshin goes to the police station with a picture of her, and is told that she doesn’t resemble any missing persons. Meanwhile, the girls help her get cleaned up and get to know her a little bit. They call her “bunny” because she’s so timid and gentle. By the time Isshin comes home, the girls have decided that they rather want to adopt “Bunny” until she gets her real memories back or her family comes looking for her. Isshin being Isshin agrees, and they go out and get a bunk bed so that the 3 girls can more conveniently share a room, since they learned the hard way that three beds do not fit very well onto one normal-sized floor when Rukia was staying over.

Bunny has assimilated into the family, and is trying to walk on her own again (as her feet were injured when they found her.) She does a lot of the shopping, taking Ichigo with her in case she falls, or to carry the bags home. She reveals that she’s been seeing things that others clearly cannot, and asks Ichigo if she’s going crazy. He explains all about ghosts, and how one can tell them from humans. 

Bunny and Ichigo have really hit it off now, and she starts picking him up from the sports thing and odd jobs he does over the summer for pocket change. Time passes happily, and Ichigo starts to wonder if not having powers and constantly fighting hollows is such a bad thing; he even has a dream about his own family, with Bunny as his wife. He wakes up and feels stupid, but can’t help thinking she’s adorable when he goes downstairs that morning and sees her in the apron Yuzu and Isshin got for her. The two go out on a date to the movies, and then she confides in him her worries that either she will never regain her memories, or that if she does, there will be no family, or something terrible, waiting for her. Ichigo reassures her that the whole family loves her, and if that is the case, then they just get to keep her forever. But he doesn’t have the guts to admit to himself that he probably loves her the most of all, and in a very different way.

Ichigo and Bunny are walking home from the movie and are stopped by a gang of thugs who know Ichigo from previous skirmishes, which he always won. The leader challenges him to a fight, which he wins yet again, but Bunny is taken hostage, and the rest of the gang beat him up very badly. Bunny discovers that she has some pretty strong legs, and after defeating two of the gang-members, terrifies the rest of them so thoroughly that they run away. She finds that she has skill in combat, but is brought to tears when she realizes that if she hadn’t been there, or had acted sooner, Ichigo wouldn’t be covered in blood. Ichigo tells her not to worry, that he’d rather get a little messed up himself (“a little messed up, you call this?!”) than see her injured.

When they get back home from grocery-shopping one day, Yuzu is standing by the door looking nervous, and Karin is serving tea to what Ichigo is too smart to think is an empty couch. Byakuya Kuchiki and a shinigami from the R&D department named Lin have come to bring Bunny back to the Soul Society, since it has been determined that she is dangerous, having appeared in the vicinity of the only known remaining entrance to Hueco Mundo in the world of the living. Bunny agrees to go with them, but asks if she can have one more day, since Isshin has gone out of town on a medical conference, and she wants to thank him properly for taking care of her. Kuchiki agrees, and the shinigami depart, promising to return in 24 hours.

Ichigo feels powerless, and doesn’t like it one bit. He reflects that even in the few months he’s known her, Bunny has become very important to him. Bunny seems resigned to her fate, although she still has no memories, and thus has no idea what’s going on. That night, the house is attacked by people in white uniforms that they never thought they’d see again, and Bunny is badly injured. Karin is translating the conversation that Ichigo cannot hear, and realizing that there is only one way to save the girl he has come to cherish, he takes a large kitchen knife and stabs himself in the heart.

Using his own chain of fate as a weapon, he attacks the arrancar, who turns out to be Sayzel Opporo (sp? Use?) And manages to get in a few hits in, between getting the living daylights beat out of him, since he has no spirit energy. Then, he finds himself doubled over in pain, because the chain is encroaching. He had forgotten all about that part. Just when things look dire for both of them, they are saved…

…By good ol’ Renji Abarai, who happened to be in the vicinity with—guess who—Rukia (and Kon?) in tow. They explain that they are basically on vacation, and came to this particular area because Rukia had it from her brother that Ichigo had Eisen’s secret weapon living in his house. Ichigo is flabbergasted, and tells Rukia she must be mistaken. He looks back at Bunny, who is wearing a formal, many-layered kimono that he’s never seen. She certainly looks different than normal, but there’s no mask that he can see, so he still doesn’t believe them. That is, until suddenly, a certain pasty white substance that is horribly familiar to all present seems to drip out of nowhere and form an intricately woven and twisted circlet around her head. (like Arwen’s butterfly crown) Her hair is very white-blonde, and her eyes are obviously pink. She also has earrings made of the mask-material. She looks up with a mournful expression on her face.

Bunny tells her story, about how Eisen created her to be a powerful weapon, and how once created, she developed a mind of her own, and a heart also, when Eisen realized that she wouldn’t be easy to manipulate, he gave up on the project and had her put in storage. Locked away in darkness for countless years, there was really nothing to remember, and she figures that that’s why it was so easy to lose them. She tells about her friend, who discovered her by accident, and who would talk to her through the door, and tell her about the outside world, which she had never seen. One night, hearing that she was going to be disposed of, he breaks her out, promising that he is going to show her the sky and the ocean and the birds, but he is killed while trying to help her get away. With his dying breath, he tells her to run, so she does; dashing away in terror. After some time, she realizes that, had she stayed, she might have had a chance of saving him. She feels so terrible about it, but she’s so scared she can’t do anything but keep running. After a while of hating herself, she begins to wish with all her heart that the wind whipping against her face would just blow through her mind and wipe it clean, free of everything that’s burdening her. At some point, she gets her wish, and loses all sense of self and being. She becomes as one with the wind, and runs on for days and nights without stopping. After ten days, she collapses from fatigue; apparently she didn’t succeed in becoming one with the wind after all. That was when Ichigo found her.

Byakuya and twenty members of the stealth force show up as Bunny is finishing her story. They attempt to take her into custody, but Ichigo protests, saying that she can’t help what she is, and she doesn’t seem to want to hurt anyone, since the reason that the experiment failed is that she developed a human heart and the conscience that goes with it. Byakuya tells him to stay out of it; it’s not his business, and will be handled by the soul society. Lin from R&D fixes Ichigo's body and stuffs him back into it, telling him that if he breaks the chain again, it cannot be repaired a second time. Bunny comes over to Ichigo and thanks him for protecting her, and he grabs onto her, ‘cause he doesn’t want her to leave just when he’s finally figured out how he feels about her. He begs her in a whisper not to go, and she presses her lips against his, and then whispers in his ear, “Kiss of death, recall to life, Tensa Zangetsu.”

Ichigo is reunited with his zanpakuto in the world of his soul, and reflects that, given the choice, no matter how comfortable peace can be, he really does prefer to have the power to fight when necessary. Coming to back in the world of the living, he finds that practically no time has passed, and Bunny still has her arms wrapped around him, and his around her. He really likes that, but she pulls away, saying that she really ought to comply with the wishes of the Soul Society. Enraged at the thought of her taken into custody and maybe torn apart as a lab rat, Ichigo prepares to fight against Byakuya and the stealth force, but Soi Fon shows up. Never having seen her attack before, he doesn’t even know he’s in danger until after he had Suzumebachi’s mark on him. After it is explained to him that his life can now be ended by one more strike to the same place, he says loudly that he refuses to allow her to be harmed, and doesn’t believe for a second that they just want to ask her some friendly questions. Rukia suggests that Ichigo accompany Bunny into custody, so that he may observe that the Soul Society is honorable. Ichigo agrees, and sheaths his sword.

Ichigo and Bunny are taken to the Soul Society, and Rukia and Renji catch up with their red-headed friend after nearly a year of separation. Bunny is very quiet, and keeps hold of Ichigo's hand the whole way. When they reach the main building where the head captain holds meetings, they are presented to Yamamoto, who welcomes Ichigo back with at least no open hostility, although he is unhappy about the way the two seem bonded. Mayuri Kurotsuchi says that it is unacceptable for Ichigo to remain with “The Specimen,” since he may interfere with the experimenting. Rukia informs the head captain that Bunny wouldn’t have even come if Ichigo hadn’t been with her, that she had the look of one who was going to make a break for it. Bunny substantiates this opinion by confessing her plan to make a break for it once the party entered the Dangai precipice world, but says that she didn’t mind coming, since Byakuya didn’t seem to mind Ichigo accompanying her. She figures that he wouldn’t have said yes if he was lying about “a few friendly questions.” Byakuya apparently was the one being lied to, which becomes evident in the faces of himself, the head captain, and captain Kurotsuchi. Bunny and Ichigo are chucked into adjacent cells, and Rukia is put in with Bunny, on charges of having conspired with them. She doesn’t deny it, but doesn’t exactly confess either.

Renji is granted permission to visit, and tells Rukia in secret street-rat code which she later translates for her cellmates that Uryu, Chad and Orihime have discovered their friends’ imprisonment, and plan to rescue them. Mayuri also visits, and has Bunny released for “inspection,” Ichigo spends some time banging himself against the bars of his prison, as his spiritual pressure is sealed off by his restraints. He tells Rukia how he feels about Bunny, and she tells him that she’s happy for him, that he’s finally found someone. Then she breaks the mood by telling him that only he would be psycho enough to fall for the one girl in all of creation that was going spend her life being hunted by every other thing in creation. But then she reflects that that’s why Ichigo was a perfect match for her, ‘cause no matter what the situation, he was a little lost without someone to protect.

Bunny is escorted back to the cell, looking a little tired and a little stressed, but none the worse for wear. Renji comes by later and tells them that Byakuya had insisted on attending the interrogation, just to be sure that all the right questions were asked, nothing got sidetracked, and that she didn’t escape or anything. Bunny says that she happily told them everything she knew, and that they had taken a blood sample, and a lock of her hair and some saliva so that they could analyze them, but that other than that, it was basically just a slightly stressful conversation. Rukia comments later on how pretty her kimono is, and she shows off the layers, which are all her memories wrapped around her. When Rukia wakes up the next morning, she sees the two of them lying side-by-side on opposite side of the bars. She feels a little bit lonely, because, although she had never felt that way about Ichigo, she had always felt that she had a close bond with him. She shakes it off as the door creaks quietly open.

Renji comes in looking harried and out of breath, and says that after analyzing the samples, Kurotsuchi had dashed off at a mad sprint, dragged the head captain out of bed, and five minutes later, a captains’ meeting had been called, the culmination of which was the order that Bunny be executed that afternoon, and that Ichigo and Rukia were both going to stand trial, and might possibly get executed themselves! If not, they would certainly be given long prison sentences just for being associated with “something so dangerous.” Just as he finishes speaking, Byakuya walks in, looking slightly flustered, which is saying something for him. He has keys in his hand, and begins to say the same things Renji just said. Then, he looks next to him and realizes Renji is there, which he apparently didn’t notice before. Bunny smiles and so does Rukia. Ichigo looks at them with an eyebrow raised. “It seems Mr. Stone-face has a heart after all,” Bunny whispers. Byakuya breaks them out and commands Renji as his subordinate not to say anything to anyone (thus taking the whole of the blame onto himself). Renji beats around the bush, and Rukia finally translates his um’s and uh’s into “he had planned on coming with us.” The four take a back door out, and Rukia hugs Byakuya for the first time, and whispers, “thank you, brother!”

The four are almost to the Rukongai when alarms are sounded, and they decide that if they can’t run, they ought to hide. Renji suggests Sokyoku Hill, as being the last place anyone would ever look for them. They go there, and Bunny, to everyone’s surprise including her own, is drawn like a magnet to the Sokyoku. Out in the open instead of in a cavern at the crown of the hill where they had planned to lay low, she is seen, and a bunch of shinigami show up, led by Soi Fon, with Mayuri Kurotsuchi in tow. They are attacking, and Ichigo, Renji and Rukia are defending against some pretty stiff odds, when Orihime, Chad and Uryu show up. The battle continues to escalate as the Seireitei sends in reinforcements, and then the Sokyoku ignites, seeming to slip free of its seals on its own volition. Upon further inspection, there is a figure garbed in brilliant red and gold standing atop its head.

Bunny has another layer to her kimono—the Sokyoku layer. She resonated with it because it is just like her, a creature designed solely to destroy, given great power in order to do so, and then kept locked up when not in use. The others climb on and they all fly away. Meanwhile, Byakuya gets in trouble for setting them free, and is thrown into the Repentance Cell—since a captain could easily break out of a regular prison—to await trial. After a few weeks of nothing interesting, someone vaguely familiar is put into the cell with him, “tacked” to the wall by five skewers, in the center of her chest, her upper arms, and her wrists. She turns out to be Tatsuki Arisawa, and she got captured trying to sneak in and steal Mayuri’s research data on Bunny. The guards warn Byakuya half-jokingly that she’s a “berserker,” and he ought to stay away.

It’s Tatsuki’s turn to tell a story, and she tells how the others had gone to a location she would not name aloud, for fear of being overheard, along with some other similarly anonymous people, and she had come along too. Bunny feared what use Kurotsuchi could put her DNA to, so Tatsuki had decided on her own to come and retrieve it, and then she had found a bunch of files on Ichigo, Chad and Orihime that she had been putting on a flash-drive when she had been discovered. She ran for it, and managed to hide the drive, but she didn’t say where, in case they were being overheard. Byakuya tries to get her down, but finds that without his spirit energy, he is not able to pull out the blades so deeply embedded in the sekki-sekki rock of the tower. He starts to think that he really ought to re-work his training so that he could fight without his sword or spirit energy.

A week passes, and then two. Byakuya’s trial begins, and Tatsuki is finally released from the wall, seeing as she cannot eat in that position, and no order has been given for her death yet. Someone is at least kind enough to have some screens sent to them, so they can divide the cell for privacy. As Byakuya is a captain, they are both given opportunities to bathe, and separate latrines, but that’s as far as courtesy extends. They both keep busy by working out, and they spar once in a while too. They don’t talk much; after all, it is Byakuya Kuchiki, and he’s the strong, silent type and all that. Tatsuki talks sometimes, because she says if she doesn’t, she might forget how or something. Byakuya is called into the court room four times over the course of the next three weeks, but no decision is reached. Tatsuki declares that she is going to go crazy if she spends too much more time locked up, and in the middle of the night, Byakuya catches her emanating a weird light.

When Byakuya confronts Tatsuki trying to do… well, something weird, she claims she’s going crazy, as she predicted, but he doesn’t buy it; he says she’s too stubborn to lose her mind. The two are at loggerheads for a little while, insulting one another more and more heatedly, until finally Tatsuki falls on the floor laughing. She says it’s because she’d never seen him get so ridiculously upset before, and he sits down too, having to admit that she’s right. He explains—briefly; he’s still Byakuya—that as the heir to a noble family, he was expected to keep his cool, and had made it a habit to keep his mouth, and face, in check. Tatsuki confesses that she was trying to break down the door, and he asks her how exactly she planned on doing that. After looking at him like she’s sizing him up, she shows him how she can manipulate the sekki-sekki, by breaking his shackles, though she has no idea how she does it. She invites him to come and run away with her and amazingly he agrees.

Tatsuki chooses to break the wall at the back instead, so it’ll be less conspicuous, and the two of them make a run for it out into the night. They sneak into the Kuchiki manor to get some non-prison clothes, and some money, and make for the world of the living, where it’ll be easier to hide, and find the others, with whom they hope to be reunited. Tatsuki is impressed by the efficiency of the R&D department when they find a permanent gate that even has a money-changer machine, and a dispenser for a new invention; a thin chain worn on the body that makes a soul visible to humans, and even suppresses their spirit energy. The two get to the world of the living and immediately get on a train, so they can travel a great distance from the portal without using spirit energy and leaving a trail. 

After riding for several hours, the trains have stopped running for the day, and they disembark and locate a small motel. When they get into the room they have rented, it is pretty decent; a bedroom, a bathroom, and a little living room with a kitchenette and a tiny tube TV. In a fit of gallantry, Byakuya says he’ll sleep on the love-seat, and she can take the bed. Looking at him like he’s an idiot, she opens the hide-a-bed he was about to sit upon, and welcomes him to the world of the living. In the end, he takes the real bed, since the hide-a-bed is a little short for him, and Tatsuki is smaller. The next day, they go to where the group of their friends had been hiding out—Urahara’s shop—but find it deserted. They head back to the motel, go to the local library and Byakuya uses the fake ID he was automatically issued with at the portal to get a library card, so they can use the computer. Tatsuki sends e-mails to Ichigo, Orihime, Uryu and Chad, and uses the computer to send a text to Rukia's soul page. She doesn’t say where they are, but asks them to get back to her as soon as they can. After that, they wait. Three days later, Byakuya announces that they ought to get some jobs, since it looked like they were going to be staying for a while, and their food and rent money wasn’t going to last forever. Tatsuki takes two part-time positions, one at a café and one behind the counter of a department store. Byakuya gets hired at a construction site, where his efficiency and businesslike attitude lands him a management position after a week of heavy-lifting work; if a fairly low one.

The two wait, and the time that should’ve been endless to Tatsuki flies by faster than she could have imagined. She loses her job at the store, but gets another one working as a maid at a fancy hotel down the street from where they’re staying. Getting used to living like this was way easier than she ever predicted, and the two settle into a routine. Five in the morning, with no alarm or anything, Byakuya gets up and gets in the shower. The sounds of him moving around and the water running wake Tatsuki, who puts on coffee for herself—he can’t stand the stuff—and turns on the news. She showers after Byakuya, who has left for work by the time she gets out, has breakfast and makes a pair of bento boxes, does the dishes, and heads out to the hotel. When she gets off at noon, she checks the computer at the library and heads home—how odd, that she had come to think of that shabby little motel suite as “home!”—to pick up the bentos and meet Byakuya at half past noon for lunch. Afterward, she either went back home, or to the café at two, for she only worked four days a week there. He got off at five, and usually went to the library to get something to read. She got off at seven, one of them made dinner, depending on whether she had worked that day, and they sat around reading, watching the news, sparring in the empty lot out back, or talking about this and that, until he went to bed at nine on the dot, and she lay awake reading until she fell asleep with the book half falling off the edge of her bed. The Soul Society cannot find them, because with Byakuya’s spiritual pressure suppressed, and the names he had put on the ID cards deleted from their system, they have no leads. One day, she sleeps through the sound of Byakuya getting up, and wakes up later than usual to the smell of coffee. On coming in to the kitchen, she finds him reading the newspaper and finishing up his breakfast. He says he likes the smell, if not the taste, but from then on, he always puts on a pot before he gets in the shower. Tatsuki doesn’t know how he feels about the situation, but she can’t say she doesn’t enjoy living with him. She figures out the sort of things he likes to eat, although it’s very difficult, since he’s man enough to eat whatever she makes. She thinks of him like a living, breathing conundrum that it’s her job to solve, and trying to un-tangle him in her mind becomes one of her favorite pastimes.

After two months, Tatsuki comes to the construction site and asks to see Byakuya, saying that it’s a family emergency (they told everyone that they were siblings.) She received a reply e-mail from Uryu, saying that they had finally got a computer up and running in their new hideout. She was unsure whether to reply or not, since it’s possible that it’s a trick. Byakuya says that after he gets off work, he’ll go to the library and send a reply, telling them to meet him at a neutral location, and he’ll go and watch the area from a distance to see who showed up. They agree to this plan. Eisen escapes.

The next day, the coffee maker is broken, and Tatsuki is in a foul mood as she leaves for work with the beginning of a withdrawal headache, and Byakuya’s no help when he tells her she’d have to quit sooner than later. She calls after him as he leaves and asks him to get some groceries on his way home from work. After he is gone, she reflects how much like a husband and wife they were, right down to the, “don’t forget to pick up the milk.” She shakes that thought off as quite mad, and hopes shinigami don’t have some way of reading minds. Byakuya does the shopping, and on his way home on the train platform, runs totally unexpectedly into Rukia and Renji. After a lot of visible surprise and happiness and relief on their parts, and a little, less noticeable surprise, happiness and relief on his, he invites them back to his place, saying Tatsuki won’t be back for another hour. At the motel, they all sit in the living room at a folding table that is stored upright against the wall when not in use; the two visitors on folding chairs, and Byakuya leaning against the counter, tinkering with the coffee pot. Rukia and Renji talk about their new hideout. Meanwhile, to Tatsuki’s horror, who should show up at her café job but captain Kurotsuchi himself?! She ends up in a chase/fight with him, and barely loses him before doubling back and going home with a headache like nobody’s business.

Tatsuki plods in looking like she’s been run over by a truck. She tells him that “apparently it’s not just sekki-sekki; ‘cause I just made a hill flip over on its head and roll up like a lollipop.” Then she sees Rukia and Renji, and her face lifts a little bit. They chat for a minute, and then Rukia asks her why she looks to worn and bedraggled. Tatsuki replies that it’s a distinct lack of caffeine, at which point Byakuya clears his throat and points to the full, hot pot of coffee. She exclaims over the fact that he fixed it and looks like she is going to drink it directly out of the pot. He tugs it away from her and tells her to at least pretend she knows what manners are, before pouring her a cup and handing it to her. After her coffee, she is a great deal more agreeable and tells them all about Mayuri’s appearance, and reassures them that he’s incapacitated and doesn’t know in what direction they went. “Remember the hill that flipped over and rolled up like a lollipop?” Deciding that it’s still unwise for them to stay in one place for too much longer, Rukia and Renji give them directions to the new hideout, and depart first so that they won’t have such a large, conspicuous group. 

Byakuya and Tatsuki pack up their things, and Tatsuki gathers up the nerve to ask him how he feels about leaving, after they’ve spent so much time here. She also asks him how he feels about being an outlaw. After a silence in which she makes up her mind that he’s not going to answer, he replies that it will be odd living with so many people again, and that he is a little sad that he can’t return to his family’s ancestral home. He also admits that he liked living as they did, because after spending time in prison, and before that, being a captain, and coming from a strict noble family, it was good to have the feeling of liberty to do whatever he wanted with his time, and also that earning a living was more satisfying than he ever expected. Tatsuki looks at him a little expectantly, and he continues, saying that he has become a bit attached to his boss, Yusuke, who is the easygoing, gregarious type that’s very easy to like, and also to Tetsuya, one of his coworkers, who is very quiet but when he speaks, it’s always something that’s actually worth listening to. He cuts off and asks her what her expression means. She says she’s happy, because this was the first time he had ever talked this much about what he was thinking and feeling; no, this was the first time he had talked this much, period. He asks her how she felt, and she tells him she misses her parents, back in Karakura, who don’t know anything about this for their own safety, and that she really enjoyed living here with him, because it was like she was actually an adult and everything, with a job and a house and all that. She says she’ll be happy to get back with the others, because she also misses Orihime and Ichigo and everyone. She says she’s nervous about going there, because having all those outlaws in one place was like begging to be attacked. They go out and head for the train station, still conversing. She says she really enjoyed the chance to get to know him better, and comments that it was difficult. He inquires about that, and she tells him a bunch of things she knows about him, and how she figured them out. At the end, she asks if she’s right in thinking he was married at one point, and he affirms that. She comments that he isn’t anymore, and he also affirms that. She falls into silence for a while, they board the train, and then he tells her a little about Hisana. When they disembark, she mentally berates herself for being so happy that he had voluntarily shared such personal information with her. All it meant was that he trusted her. Or something…

The new hideout is a colossal old mansion in the middle of a forest that no one ever went near, due to haunting rumors, which are now true. The gang is reunited: Ichigo, Bunny, Tatsuki, Byakuya, Orihime, Chad, Uryu, Rukia, Renji, the Vizards, (sp?) Urahara and co, Yoruichi, and Ganju and Hanataro; who had shown up to the party later. Rooms are allocated. Tatsuki is shown where to find coffee supplies, and is grateful for it. Adjusting is far more difficult this time; adjusting to a new routine, and no job, and so many more people. She thinks longingly of when it was quieter. Bunny and Rukia share a room, and Ichigo and Chad, and Byakuya moves in with Renji, etc… Bunny announces at dinner that Eisen has escaped, and is most likely looking for her, now that gaining more power quickly is a priority. They talk a little bit about what Eisen has been doing, and it is explained that Uryu is basically the unofficial leader, in charge of strategy and plans, since he has the best head for stuff like that. It just shook out that way. Tatsuki is a little apprehensive, but Byakuya doesn’t have a problem with that. Later, Renji is VERY stressed, and seems to be trying to tell Byakuya something. Byakuya eventually tells him to “shut up and talk,” and Renji blurts out that he and Rukia are officially seeing each other. Byakuya congratulates him, and Renji is so relieved he flops down on his bed.

There’s lots of training to be done, especially since a letter has arrived from Eisen: Deliver the specimen to him in a fortnight, or else! Ichigo and Byakuya spar with one another, and notice how much they have both changed; Ichigo isn’t as hasty, he seems to have grown up a bit, and Byakuya has developed a little creativity to his style. Byakuya wonders if Tatsuki mightn’t be in part responsible for that, but puts that thought aside; romance on the battlefield can get one killed. Tatsuki experiments with her new powers, and notes that Bunny, though she ought to be the most powerful of all, doesn’t really train, or fight for that matter. Bunny confesses to the girls that night that there was a “stone” at her “core” which was the source of her power, and when she made a run for it, she dropped it somewhere and has no idea where it is. A delegation arrives from the Soul Society: Captain Hitsugaya, Lieutenant Matsumoto, and a group of squad ten members. They demand to speak to Ichigo Kurosaki and Captain Byakuya Kuchiki.

The folks from the Soul Society want to request that Byakuya, Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Yoruichi and Urahara come back and resume their positions as members of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. Ichigo asks what exactly is the plan concerning Bunny and those who weren’t invited back, especially Orihime and Chad, whose powers are still ‘undefined.’ Captain Hitsugaya doesn’t answer, and Ichigo gets mad, saying that he’s not going to serve with a group who think they’re gods; deciding who becomes their allay, and who is carted away as a test subject. Hitsugaya looks a little upset, and then turns to Byakuya. Byakuya, to general astonishment, declares that he agrees with Ichigo, and that when all’s said and done, technically Uryu is in charge, and as a Quincy he’s highly unlikely to want to serve with shinigami either, and certainly won’t approve of Bunny and Orihime (on whom he is sweet) getting dissected. He then tells Hitsugaya to “go back and tell them this: When Captain Yamamoto breaks that habit he has of condemning and executing people without trial, and proves that he can actually come up with a plan that works, then perhaps I would return.” Hitsugaya is nonplussed, but Matsumoto snickers, hiding it very badly. That evening at dinner, Byakuya is asked why he really refused to go. Uryu says there’s no way it had anything to do with his ‘oh-so-brilliant-leadership.’ Byakuya doesn’t answer, but later Tatsuki is talking to him while they are taking a walk to the nearest town for news, and he admits that “Well, I thought you might object to your friend Orihime being…studied… by captain Kurotsuchi.” Tatsuki reflects inwardly that he has changed a lot, compared to the way everyone seemed to have thought of him before. Tatsuki smells something weird, and Byakuya suddenly starts shouting “cover your mouth and nose—don’t breathe!” and coughing.

Tatsuki comes too, and finds herself in an unfamiliar white room, with a sofa and a barred window, looking at a moonlit sky. After scouring the cell for a means of escape and banging futilely on the door for a while, she starts doing some stretches, and a basic martial arts drill. Judging from how much she did, she figured it was about an hour later when the door finally opened, and who else but Sosuke Eisen himself came striding in. He welcomes her to Hueco Mundo, and says he hopes she’ll cooperate with him and his friends, in “stand alongside him,” an attempt to “re-model the world.” She tells him no, but she’d happily stand behind him with a knife. He has her dragged into a room where Byakuya is being beaten, and tells her if she’s not careful with what she says, she’ll receive the same treatment, and he’s being kind to her for now because she’s a lady. Tatsuki is all distraught about Byakuya being hurt, and is shouting all sorts of derogatory things at Eisen. Byakuya tells her so shut up, because she’s annoying, and an eyesore.

Later, Byakuya’s inert form is flung into the same cell as Tatsuki (Eisen is hoping they’ll talk to each other and reveal the location of their friends’ hideout.) She tries to patch him up as best she can, but when he wakes up, it’s sooooooo awkward. Finally he catches her making her hand bleed from stress, and gently releases her fingers, saying (very quietly, so they won’t be overheard) that while he doesn’t fear pain or injury, he couldn’t bear the sounds of her agony. He strokes her hand, and she turns very red and has no idea what to think. He is taken out for interrogation three more times throughout the (they think) week, and then one night, Nel shows up outside their window, and after a hurried conversation, leaves promising to bring help, and saying that Tatsuki is very reminiscent of the one man she ever respected above all else. That night, Tatsuki dreams.

Tatsuki’s dream is of Sayuri and Makkuro a century ago. {Use pre-written chapter?} When she wakes up, Byakuya, who appears to be asleep, has his arms wrapped around her. She is very confused, but she is also really comfortable, so she goes back to sleep. The next day, Eisen comes in and tells them that the fortnight is almost up; there’s only three days left before his deadline. He has decided to move up the date to that night, for when he unleashes his power on that town where they were captured. He says he’s not going to warn the others, but at least the two prisoners will survive, and they’ll be together. He smiles evilly. Byakuya reflects sourly that he’s off his game; his performance didn’t fool anyone—not even himself. Then suddenly, all the lights go out.

Back to the hideout, all the preparations have been made for a rescue mission, and Rukia and Orihime and Bunny are especially eager for it to begin, as Tatsuki is their very important friend, and Byakuya is Rukia's brother. Renji and Ichigo are also eager, as they have bonded in a weird way with Byakuya. All weapons are sharpened, all bodies stretched, and they are preparing to force entry into Hueco Mundo, when suddenly they receive a massage, sort of like a patronus, that tells them if they really want to see their friends again, they had better wait at a certain point in the town. They debate over whether or not to trust the voice.

Byakuya grabs Tatsuki and uses his superior senses to get them out of there, but ends up fighting Eisen. Without his sword, he’s in bad shape, until somebody else says, “Scatter, Senbonzakura,” and releases it! It turns out, lord Makkuro’s power was the ability to “borrow” his opponents’ weapons/powers/techniques, and he’s using it against his former master. He introduces himself as Bunny’s predecessor, and then Tatsuki almost chokes, “d-dad?!” Meanwhile, in the town {give it a name} Sayuri, Tatsuki’s mother ‘Lillian,’ says that her husband, ‘Adrian’ is rescuing their two friends, and that they have bigger things to worry about, i.e. saving the town which Eisen intends to raze. Makkuro tells Tatsuki that he’s really an Arancar, and then Nel shows up and tells them to get a move on. They head back to the world of the living, to face what might actually be the final battle.

 There’s lots of fighting. ‘-_-

At some point during the climax, Bunny confronts Eisen, who has all this time been saying that he made her and that he controls her. (He’s either trying the Momo “fatherly” thing, or had something built into her brain so he can control her, in case she ever went haywire.) She tells him that at first that was true. She was a hand-bred, well-trained attack dog. But then something happened, something changed inside of her, and she found that she did not want to hurt anyone or cause suffering. That, the Spiritual Factor, was what made her useless to him, because it was something he couldn’t control. “I don’t know what or who it was, influencing me, whispering things that made so much sense I couldn’t ignore them. But I know whatever it was, it was real.” 

Then, when she came to the Kurosaki household, her memories were gone, her mind and all the Environmental Factors she had lived with all her “life” had been wiped clean, giving her a fresh start. “I lived a second life there; a new life; a real life.” So although he controls her Genetic Factors, he can no longer mess around with her Environmental and Spiritual factors. She tells him she isn’t his (doll, puppet, toy, marionette or something like that) anymore, and he doesn’t own her. She tells him he can never break the limits he aimed for, and then destroys her own core stone, saying she should never have been created.

In doing so, sacrificing her own life, she is unexpectedly able to transform into an ordinary soul, although she can still see spirits. Ichigo pledges his undying love for her, and asks her to stay with him forever. Byakuya actually laughs, and everyone looks at him. He claps Ichigo on the shoulder and congratulates him, but tells him he’s never seen a clumsier proposal of marriage in his long life. Tatsuki teases him, half-seriously daring anyone to do better, and saying it was great, and congratulating Bunny, at which point Byakuya says her name softly, and she looks up. He kneels down, and pulls out a ring.

Epilogue: ten years later, old friends are reunited at a party at the Kuchiki residence, and everyone gathers to show off their kids and whatnot. Orihime and Uryu are newlyweds, and Rukia is pregnant (due in a month) with her first kid, even though she and Renji tied the knot five years back. Chad actually has a girlfriend, to general astonishment, who comes with him to meet the others. Tatsuki and Byakuya have three little Kuchikis, (8, 6 and 3) and Bunny and Ichigo adopted twins (as Bunny has no reproductive organs. Eisen didn’t know what would happen if she ever reproduced, and didn’t want to make the Makkuro mistake twice.) Kenpachi shows up, wanting to duel Ichigo as usual, and Yachiru convinces him to stay for the party. Ichigo and Bunny’s kids call Byakuya “Uncle.” All is wrapped up nicely.