#that last pic. when someone told me it was Them it made me feel crazy

[mountainsandmayhem]

BDSMaid - Chapter 8

Series Summary: After recently graduating you take what is supposed to be a job to save money before you go back to university to get your law degree. Your best friend offers you a job cleaning luxury homes for clients you’ll never know. Easy. Simple. Mundane. Until one of your clients is home and everything you felt was missing in your life starts to fall into place. This goes against the NDA you signed and you could get fired. Or worse, you could fall in love.  WC: 5.5k TW: I will put them below the cut for those who want to avoid spoilers. This is more of an original character, there have been some descriptions of reader throughout the series. A/N: How can I make a note when I have words?! I'm just so grateful for how many people have fallen in love with this story this year. It's crazy to me that I posted my first fan pic on December 23rd 2023, expecting about 3 people to see it and waking up to 100's of notifications. 2024 has literally been whirlwind, I've made so many wonderful ladies here and have grown more and more confident in my writing abilities. Thank you @lotusbxtch for being my forever beta for this series (probably an unhealthy crutch, but so be it haha). Thank you @for-a-longlongtime for letting me bounce ideas off of you and giving me a new insight to how sweet girl or Joel would think. @mermaidgirl30, @alltheirdamn and @littlevenicebitch69, what would I do if I couldn't scream about this story with you?! Ok eww, I'm done being sappy. Enjoy! Dividers and headers by @saradika-graphics

My Masterlist || Series Masterlist

TW: use of sex toys (vibrator and butt plug)

You

When you walked into your small apartment on Sunday, Odette was wrapped up in a blanket watching TV. She looked you up and down with a knowing smirk. It was pretty obvious based on the way Joel’s sweats and hoodie hung off your body that you were with a man all weekend. So, after she agreed to keep it between the two of you, you told her absolutely everything. It was freeing to finally be able to discuss Joel with one of your friends. The two of you spent almost six hours going over every detail of the last few weeks, and after ordering pizza and splitting a bottle of rosé, you had all the validation you needed. He loves you. And you love him, too. 

As the weekend rolls into the week, you still have not come down from your happy, little Joel Miller-shaped cloud. There’s not a single doubt in your mind that he is it. You have never let your walls down with someone like you have with him. It was always easier to just do it on your own; you could always count on yourself.  For the first time in your life, you can confidently say that you’re ready to let that go. It’s time for you to let someone take care of you for once. When he texts you on Monday to make plans for the following day, you decide that you’re going to tell him how you feel.

When Tuesday finally comes around, you practically skip up to his house. You have a duffle bag of items in one hand: your outfit for this evening, make up, and a change of clothes in case you spend the night. Wearing his clothing home was fun and all, but you won’t be doing any sort of walks of shame again. Clasped tightly your other hand is your company-provided caddy full of cleaning supplies. Just as you’re about to place the supplies on the front step, the large front door opens.

“Hi, Freckles,” Joel's voice coats every inch of your skin in warm honey. He shines an absolutely knee-weakening smile down at you. As per his usual JMKink attire, he’s in perfectly fitted black dress pants, expensive looking black dress shoes, and a pressed, crisp white dress shirt. The sleeves are rolled to his elbows and your mouth waters at the way his bare forearms look.  

“Hi,” you beam up at him, not holding back your ear-to-ear grin as you glow under his attention. “I wasn’t expecting you to be here!”

“I have to leave soon, but I have something for you.” He steps out onto the front steps and grabs everything from you before you follow him inside. You change into the white keds that Jamie gave you on your first day at Maid Discreetly before heading towards where he’s standing in the kitchen. There are three boxes on the kitchen island; two small black ones and one white one that you recognize immediately. He pushes that one towards you first. 

“This is your new iPhone,” he says with a wink and you feel your cheeks flush.

“Thank you,” you say shyly.

He shakes his head, “No, thank you for not fighting me on this. That cracked screen...”

“I know,” you say, raising a hand to stop him. You deepen your voice, “It’s a hazard, sweet girl.”

He laughs like he did that night at the Shibari class, deep and from his gut; it’s the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard and your heart swells at the possibility of getting to hear that laugh for the rest of your life. “Exactly. These other boxes…well, they’re for you, but also for me.”

You raise your eyebrows curiously as he slides the smaller of the two black boxes across the smooth marble of the island. His bottom lip slips between his teeth as you pull the top off of the first box. Sitting on a bed of white tissue paper is a small metal plug with a pink heart-shaped diamond on the end. 

“Mister Miller! Scandalous!” You gasp, feigning shock and surprise.

He laughs again as he asks, “Is that ok?”

“Very much so,” you respond with a smile before opening the next box, which is slightly bigger than the last. A black, U shaped piece of silicone sits in the box, along with a small plastic rectangle that looks similar to a key fob. “What’s this?”

“That, my sweet girl, is a remote vibrator. I was thinking that maybe you could wear both of those while you clean my house today. I can control that with the remote from a close distance or from my phone anywhere in the world.” 

Every hair on your body stands on end as your clit throbs in excitement. “Yes, I would really, really like to do that!”

“Good girl,” he says with a wink, holding a hand out to you. His fingers link with yours and just the slightest touch from him sends sparks up your wrist and straight to your racing heart. He grabs your new toys and leads you up the stairs. Your giggle is laced with arousal when you come to a stop in his enormous ensuite. After placing the toys on the counter he pulls you in, his free hand cupping the back of your neck before he slams his lips into yours. He kisses you hungrily, and you meet his energy, kissing him back as if you’re drunk with passion. His teeth nip your bottom lip as he pulls away. You’re so insanely, maddeningly in love with this man that you almost forget how to stand as he steps back.

“Take off your pants, sweet girl.”

You do as he says, eagerly unbuttoning your company issued black dress pants before sliding them down your legs. He stops you before you remove your thong, breathing out a heady ‘fuck’ before hooking his thumbs through the bright pink lacy waist band and sliding them down your legs. 

“Put your hands on the vanity and bend over for me,” he instructs with bated breath. He watches your reflection in the mirror, looking right into your soul as always, as you follow his instructions.  

You smile lovingly at him, clocking the way his throat works as he swallows hard at the sight of you bending at the waist, pushing your ass out for him. “Fuck, how did I get so lucky? All of this, just for me?”

“Just you, Joel,” you breathe, slipping your bottom lip between your teeth. 

He slides open a drawer and takes out two small bottles before turning on the water. He pops the top of one bottle, using the contents to wash both toys, then steps back behind you with the second bottle in and the plug in his hands. A warm laugh leaves your lips, “Always so prepared, Mister Miller.”

“With a pretty little thing like you in my life, I better be.” He clicks the top of the lube open as he continues, “Ready? I’ll go slow.”

“Mm-hm, I’ll tell you if it’s too much,” you coo, your body thrumming with the anticipation of his touch. 

“I know you will. No safeword right now, okay? Just say stop, and I will.” He spreads the lube around your tight ring of muscle with his thumb. Every muscle in your body goes slack under his attention and you sigh as your lashes flutter against your cheeks. “Good girl, just relax for me.”

After a few minutes of teasing you with the pad of his thumb he switches to the plug. The cold metal makes you jump. He reassures you by squeezing your hip as he murmurs, “You’re ok, baby.”

He swirls it gently at first, slowly applying more and more pressure before it slips in on its own and you whimper at the feeling. “Does that feel okay, sweet girl?”

“Mmm, yes,” you smile at his reflection in front of you. The amber glow of the LED lighting behind the mirror accentuates the honey flecks in his eyes. Everything about the way he’s looking at you feels overwhelming. It’s like when you first step foot into a hot tub on a cold winter's night. The sting of the swirling water is almost too hot as you sink further in. For a second you consider getting out, but then every single cell in your body adjusts and you can’t imagine not being wrapped in that heat.

“Now this one,” he says, holding up the black u-shaped vibrator. He adds a bit of lube and then guides your hips further back with one hand before kneeling. Your pussy clenches against nothing as you glance over your shoulder seeing him on his knees behind you. He practically whimpers, “God, Freckles, this pussy. She’s so gorgeous.”

A shy smile turns your lips upward. Joel starts to work the toy inside of you and you gasp out a moan. He moves the bulbous head of the toy back and forth until it slips in on its own accord, just like the plug did. Your breathing quickens at the pressure on your g-spot and clit; the toy isn’t even on yet and it already feels so good. Joel’s lips sponge against the globes of your ass, then your hip as he stands. “Are you ok, sweet girl?”

“Yes, Mister Miller,” you respond, your breath catching in your throat as you stand. 

“Good. Now put your clothes back on and get to work.”

Before you can bend to pick up your discarded clothing, he pulls you into his arms and brings his lips to yours. The kiss is so soft that it steals your breath, and you almost blurt your feelings for him right then and there. He keeps one arm wrapped tightly around your waist while the other snakes up your body until his large palm cups the side of your face. This kiss, compared to the one from earlier, is different in every way. Where that one was rough and passionate, this one is gentle and almost lazy; a content moan rumbles from his chest. Before pulling away, his warm tongue swipes sweetly across yours. 

 “See you later, honey,” he whispers, then kisses your forehead and walks away.

Honey, he called me honey. Everything about the last few seconds feels so goddamn domestic, and your potential life five years from now flashes through your mind. 

You're standing in this bathroom, getting ready to head to the law firm you work at. Joel, no longer just your dom but also now your new husband, puts a fresh latte on the counter for you, then helps you with the clasp of your necklace before kissing that sensitive spot behind your ear. ‘See you later, honey’.

The rev of Joel’s Jag pulling out of the garage snaps you out of your daydream. You get dressed and walk back downstairs while opening the Maid Discreetly app. To your surprise, cleaning Joel’s office isn’t the first task. Instead, you’ve been asked to wipe down the kitchen, then vacuum the main floor, stairs and upstairs rooms, and finish off by dusting his bedroom. All of it seems very doable in the next four hours, and just when you think you’ll probably be done early and have time to properly get ready for your night out, Mister Miller reminds you that he has the remote to a very distracting detonator. 

The first few times the vibrator comes on it’s subtle, just a light buzzing against your clit. It’s enjoyable, almost like a tickling massage, but after almost an hour and half of being gently teased at random you can feel your frustrations start to reach a boiling point.

You: Mister Miller, you’re torturing me Joel: Oh, sweet girl. We’ve only just begun. You: *pouts* Joel: That’s not going to get you what you want. Be a good girl and get back to work. I have a meeting. 

You check off the kitchen and main floor tasks and then move to the stairs. You decide to start at the top, sitting on the stair below it and scoot down to save your back. You’re also hoping that the pressure on the toy will make it strong enough that you can finally come. Joel turns the vibrator on again and you whine out in frustration when your plan fails. The slight hum against your clit stops and you mutter something about Joel being a sadistic bastard under your breath and continue your backwards ride down the stairs. As you reach the halfway point the vibrator comes to life at an intensity so strong that you drop the hose of the vacuum and dig your nails into the plush carpet of the stair tread. 

“Oh, fuck,” you breathe, squeezeing your legs together as he brings you right to the edge. Your orgasm builds quickly, and just as it’s about to take you, the vibrations stop. 

Joel: You better not have come You: Please, Mister Miller. I was so close Joel: Not yet, babygirl  

Joel continues this throughout the afternoon. Every ten minutes or so, the black u-shaped torture device inside of you comes to life; always at different intensities and for varying times. 

Torture device might be a bit strong, the discarded box of feelings says from the back of your mind. We both know you’re enjoying it. You don’t know when she decided to come back, but at least she’s keeping you honest. 

It’s been about three hours by the time you get to your last task of the day. The vibrator buzzes gently as you grab a duster and head into Joel's bedroom. You bite back a smile seeing his bed, the white fluffy sheets neatly tucked in. You can’t help but run your fingers across the soft duvet, remembering how it felt against your skin, remembering how he felt above, behind, below and beside your naked body.

Joel: You doing ok? Do you need to use your safeword? You: I’m okay, Mister Miller. I REALLY need to come, but this is the best day I’ve ever had at work.

When 3:30pm hits, you’ve finished everything in the app, and are so wound up from being teased that you’re fighting from taking the vibrator out and making yourself come. Everytime the vibrator comes on, you break out in goosebumps, the hair on your body standing on end, but when he turns it off, your cheeks flush in frustration and a wave of heat rolls through you. You know Joel will take care of you when he gets home and sees how badly you need it. He talks a big game, but you see the way he folds when you beg. 

Joel: I’ll be home in about 40 minutes, Tommy won’t shut up about concrete. You: I need to come so badly, Mister Miller. I’m throbbing, please!  Joel: Soon. Just breathe, sweet girl. You can do this. 

You need to distract yourself, and you know Joel’s office usually gets pretty dusty, so even though it’s not on your list, you grab your cleaning supplies and slowly open the door. It’s as it usually is: small piles of papers on the desk and a few things out of place on the book shelf. You put the books back and dust the shelves, then run the duster over the blinds before cleaning the window.

Joel: Goddamn, he’s still going on about fucking concrete. How’s my baby doin? You: Horny, I’m trying to distract myself

The vibrator comes to life at the lowest setting. Once again, it’s not enough to make you come, just enough to tease and taunt. You could cry at the frustration of it. 

You: That’s not helping, Mister Miller Joel: What’s not? You: Hilarious. Please? Joel: Nope. I love watching you come, hearing the whiny little gasps you make, so not until later

You move towards the desk. Just as you reach to tidy the stack of papers, the vibrations against your clit hit at an intensity you haven’t felt yet today. You fall forward, gasping for breath, as the papers scatter to the floor. You’re about to fall into the pleasure, feel those waves of nirvana that you so desperately need when the vibrator turns off and you’re left with nothing. You bite back an agitated yell. 

Joel: See you in less than half an hour, sweet girl. You better not have come.  You: I didn’t. I promise. 

You’ve never read anything on Joel’s desk before, but you notice a familiar emblem on the first piece of paper you pick up. It’s a short, handwritten note, and as your eyes scan the few sentences, your heart leaps into your throat as your stomach simultaneously falls to the floor. You read through it once and then twice, trying to make sense of the information in front of you. After blinking hard a few times, you read it again. 

You feel like you’re being ripped in two. 

Joel, Thank you for your generous (and anonymous) donation to the law library. I’ll be sure to find her application and review it myself. See you at the club's anniversary party in a few weeks.

You flip the note over and back again, reading it through one last time. It’s not signed by anyone, just black ink on eggshell white, the University of Austin letterhead at the top. The letter and the room start to spin. You stumble towards his desk chair and breathe through the wave of nausea that hits you; your mind reels at what you’ve just learned. Anger, disbelief and sadness all push against your prefrontal cortex, fighting to be the winning emotion. You want it to be anger – anger is so much easier to deal with. Yelling and telling Joel to fuck off would make you feel so much better, but overwhelming sadness and disappointment ultimately become the victors. 

He doesn’t believe in me.

The realization feels like knives along your skin. Everything he said about how you could do it, or that you’d get in…that was all bullshit. He paid for you to get in, and then – and this is the part that hurts the most – he made you believe that you did it all on your own. Your lungs feel like they’re filled with glass as you force yourself to take slow, controlled breaths. 

He doesn’t believe in me.

Tears prickle behind your eyes but you force them back. You will not cry, not when you’ve been through this before and came out stronger. Your parents didn’t believe in you, and you proved them wrong, graduating early and making it on your own in Texas for the last four years.

I can prove Joel wrong, too.

You shut your eyes tight. You don’t need him; you don’t need anyone. But if that’s true, why does his sexy smirk flash behind your eyelids? The glass moves from your lungs to your veins; everything hurts, and you scold yourself for letting him get this intertwined in you. 

Never again, you tell yourself. Stick to your plan. Law school. Get in with a good firm, pass the bar and become partner; then worry about a love life. 

You walk to his bedroom, removing the toys and cleaning them off before changing into the black leggings and beige crew neck sweater you brought. You gather your hair into a claw clip and head downstairs. With your bag by the door and the letter still clutched in your hand you lean back against the kitchen island and wait for Joel. 

He doesn’t believe in me. 

Joel

The drive home feels like it takes forever; granted, Tommy talking about fucking concrete for almost an hour felt longer. At dinner tonight, he’s going to explain from the beginning. He prepares himself for the worst, for your anger or hurt. He won’t be able to live with himself if he’s hurt you, but anger he can deal with. He knows it’s selfish, but you yelling at him over this would make him feel better. 

Finally, he turns into his neighborhood. The sight of your slightly rusty SUV parked on the street spreads a familiar warmth from his heart to his toes. Mine, he thinks to himself as he pulls into his garage. He knows you’re going to be so tightly wound from all the teasing you endured today, and he plans to very slowly unwind you before you go for dinner. The way you fall apart for him is so beautiful, and after almost four hours of being brought to the edge over and over again, he can’t wait to have your writhing and shaking with a simple flick of his tongue against your clit. But first, he’s going to kiss every inch of your skin while occasionally clicking the vibrator on at its lowest setting. He almost trips over your bag as he comes into the house, and when his eyes meet yours, he knows something is wrong.  

“Baby?” His voice cracks in concern at the look on your face. He mentally runs through the rolodex of facial expressions he’s seen from you, and he hates that he can’t place this one; it’s not anger or sadness, and it most definitely is not excitement or curiosity. Your soft lips are turned down in the corners, arms crossed and eyes soft. “What’s wrong?”

Your arms uncross and you hold out the letter he should have shredded weeks ago.

His stomach does a free fall. Disappointment. The look on your face is disappointment, and that is so much worse than anger or sadness. 

Fuck. 

You

Joel walks towards you with slow, measured steps while carding a nervous hand through his curls. You force yourself to continue breathing, fighting against the tears that threaten to appear. He takes the letter from you and rips it in half; you drop your eyes, watching as the two halves of paper flutter to the ground and then slide away from each other along the marble. You shake your head at the symbolism of it, hugging your arms tightly against your body again.

“I thought you believed in me,” you say, trying not to sound as gutted as you feel. 

“I do, sweet girl,” he says, stepping so close that his black leather dress shoes line up with your socked feet. You look up as he continues, “I swear I do. You - you got in on your own. Please, just let me explain.”

His eyes line with tears and moments that you overlooked over the last few weeks playback like a movie. The first day in this kitchen he said he knew the dean of admissions. The flash of anger when you went to the Shibari night and his response of “all of them?” when you said you didn’t get in. The way he insisted you open the letters before the anniversary party. He knew, he fucking knew all along that at least one university would accept you. Dread settles in your stomach, turning the shards of glass under your skin to icicles. Berkeley.

“Did you pay off Berkeley, too?”

“I didn’t pay anyone off.” He’s calm but firm in his response, which just seems to piss you off more. 

You roll your eyes, gesturing to the ripped paper on the floor and scoff. “Did you pay off Berkeley, Joel?”

The two of you stare at each other for a few heartbeats, and you don’t back down as more tears gather along his bottom lash line. He shakes his head in defeat, burying his hands in his pockets and breathing slowly a few times before whispering, “No.”

“Why would you do this to me? This could have ruined my entire career.” You try to keep your voice calm, but how dare he stand in front of you holding back tears. 

“I’m sorry, sweet girl. I wasn’t - I just…I’m sorry,” he flounders.

“Why, Joel?” Your eyes dance along his face. You aren’t sure what justification you're looking for or hoping for. The dream of staying here died the moment you picked up that note, but you can’t go to California without knowing why he did it. 

He opens his mouth, shaking his head slightly and then closes his mouth. He takes a deep breath through his nose, blinking away the tears. “Because I don’t want to lose you, Freckles. I should have told you, I was going to tell you tonight. That donation isn’t the reason you got in…you did that on your own. I just…well, I just sped up the process. And I’m so sorry you found out like this.”

You scoff again. “I thought my consent was the most important thing to you.”

His eyes widened in shock. “It is, sweet girl.”

“I didn’t ask you to meddle in my life, Joel. And I certainly didn’t ask you to speed along the process. What happens if I become a Supreme Court judge and someone finds out that you bribed a university to get me?” He goes to speak, but you raise a hand to stop him and continue. “And don’t tell me that you didn’t bribe anyone, because that’s exactly how this looks and you know it. You wouldn’t be looking at me like a guilty puppy if you thought what you did was right.”

His hands come to cup your face. The warm coffee eyes that usually dance rhythmically around your face are replaced by shifting dark glass beads laced with fear and loss. The warmth you normally feel when he touches you is gone. His eyes flick to your lips and then back to your eyes before he speaks. 

“Freckles, I lov-”

Your still raised hand covers his mouth, clamping tightly to his face to stop him. 

“Please don’t,” you whisper, swallowing the lump in your throat and keeping your palm pressed to his soft lips. Your heart pounds behind your ribs in response to what he was about to confess. If he tells you what you so desperately wanted to hear just hours ago, you know you’ll crumble. You’ll let him take you up to his bedroom and apologize in a way that only he can. You’ll spend the night planning how you can do long distance while you’re in California. You’ll let him interfere with the plan…again.

“Don’t say that to me right now, I can’t hear that.”

He nods into your hand slowly, his eyes soften, and you try to memorize every bit of amber in his otherwise black brown eyes. This will be the last time he looks at you like this, and the realization seems to suck the air out of the room. You wish you could bottle up how it makes you feel when he looks at you like that; the way it comforts you and shuts off the narrated to do list in your mind that’s always growing in your mind. 

“Joel, if…if you feel that way, then you’ll let me go,” you tell him, voice just above a whisper. He lets out a shaky breath through his nose, the heat of it warming your hand. One of his hands leaves your face to wrap around your wrist, but he doesn’t pull your hand away or step back out of your grip. Instead, he runs his thumb in small circles along the soft, smooth skin there, and you swear you can feel the whorls of his thumb tattooing themself on you, trying desperately to stay with you forever. 

“You’ll understand why I have to go to Berkeley now,” you continue. “I have been working so hard for this. And for years, I have been doing it all on my own. I’m so close, Joel…so close to finishing what I started when I was, like, seven years old. So, please, I’m begging you…please do not finish that sentence.”

You drop your hand from his mouth, his grip going weak as he lets you slip out of his grasp. He looks small, almost deflated in front of you as he stumbles back a few steps. The silence between the two of you feels heavy. 

It’s over. Whatever this was, or could be, is over, and you both know it. 

When he finally speaks, it’s a sad whisper. “What about when you’re done?”

“A lot can change in three years, Joel,” you respond, mostly to extinguish the flicker of hope in your chest. It’s better for you to push him away now than to hope that he’ll be there when you graduate. No one has ever been there for you, and this is proving to be no different. You step around him and head to the front door, biting down hard on the inside of your cheek as the tears threaten to reappear while you get your shoes on. 

“Freckles, wait.”

You close your eyes, facing the door with your hand on the matte black knob. His dress shoes click on the shiny marble before his large hand comes to rest on the door beside your head. This is the exact position you were in after accidentally catching him in his office. You keep your eyes glued to the door and after a sniffle, a quiet clearing of his throat and a whispered, heartbreaking ‘fuck’, he continues. 

“I really am sorry,” he says, his voice hoarse. “This is not how I wanted this to go, but you know what you need and I respect your choice. These last few weeks have been so much more than I could have imagined, more than I deserve. You have brought me back, sweet girl. I know you probably don’t believe a word of what I’ve said tonight, and that’s ok, but with you, I felt that pull that I’ve been waiting for. I felt it the minute your cleaning caddy fell to the ground and I locked eyes with you. If you were anyone else, I would have let you run out of here and then had you fired. I chased you and I’ve been chasing you ever since, even though I know you are meant for more and that this could only ever be temporary for you. This was always going to be the end for me and a well-deserved, hard-earned beginning for you.”

He takes a shaky breath in and you open your eyes, but you don’t look back at him. “Regardless of all that, I meant what I said in my office that day. Starting this with you would be it for me. A lot can change for you in three years, and I want you to experience everything in California. But for me, it’s you. It will always be you.”

Your chest feels like it’s going to cave and your knees threaten to buckle. “I have to go, Joel,” you grit out, forcing your voice past the boulder that’s formed in your throat.

“I know, and I’m so proud of you, sweet girl,” he whispers, dropping his hand and stepping back. The heat of his broad body and leather-and-ash scent disappear from behind you, and it feels like you’ve been plunged into freezing, uncharted waters. 

You get in your car and drive, unsure of where your final destination will be. After driving around Austin for a while, you find yourself parking outside of the Maid Discreetly office. You take a minute, deciding what you are and aren’t going to tell your best friend before heading in. Jamie’s office is impeccable as always, not a single smudge on the glass desk as she types on her laptop, looking effortlessly perfect.  

“Hey, babe!” she says with a smile as you cross the threshold.

“How’s your dad doing with the California office?” you say, trying to act casual.

“Oh my god!” she practically shrieks as she jumps up from her chair. “Did you get into Berkeley?”

“That depends,” you say, raising one shoulder. “Does he have a job for me there?”

“Holy shit!” She runs around the desk and wraps you in her arms. How she can move like that in stilettos is beyond you.

“Careful, you’re gonna break an ankle,” you deadpan. The weight of what just happened with Joel almost dissipates. Jamie pulls back to look at you, her eyes scan your face and you feel exposed.

“Why aren’t you more excited? What’s wrong?”

Shit. 

A sob leaves your throat and you collapse into Jamie’s open arms. She pulls you into her office with one arm and closes her door with the other, then leads you to the couch along the far wall. As soon as she gets you seated, you manage to explain everything between sobs and very unattractive nose blowing.

This is supposed to be one of those exciting moments of your life. You did it: you got into the school you always dreamed of and you're moving to California; a place you always felt most at ease in. Yet, it’s all clouded over by having your heart wholly shattered by a man that you actually thought was going to be the love of your life. Someone who showed you he cared, showed you that he’d always be there. 

But it was all a lie. 

[w2soneshots]

Race cars -W2S

words: 0.9k+

warnings: pregnancy.

summary: you, your baby daddy and the rest of the group spend a day at the F1 - British Grand Prix.

notes: Hello loves! This was requested on my wattpad🫶🏼. I don’t know much about f1 so that part of this fic is pretty vague but I hope you enjoy!!😚💕

A few weeks ago the boys were invited to watch the an f1 race and were told that they could each bring a plus one. Ethan chose Faith, Simon chose Talia, Josh chose Freya, Vik chose Ellie, JJ chose Callux, Tobi chose Calfreezy and Harry chose me.

The past few months of mine and Harry's life have been pretty crazy due to the fact I found out that I was pregnant. It wasn't planned but I've been with Harry for almost six years so it was a happy surprise.

Today is the day of the race. I woke up wrapped in my boyfriend's arms, one of his hands gently resting on my growing baby bump. I slid out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom to begin getting ready.

I took a quick shower, styled my hair, applied some makeup then picked out a cute but comfortable outfit. Once I was finished Harry was already up and in the kitchen making us both breakfast.

"Good morning my love." He smiled wildly at me as I sat down on one of the stools at our breakfast bar. "Morning. You exited for today?" I asked cheerly. "Yeah! Can't wait. The group chat has been blowing up since last night, everyone's really excited." He replied, plating up our food.

After eating Harry got ready into a relatively fancy outfit (well, what Harry considers fancy) and soon we were in a taxi on our way to Silverstone.

When we arrived I text the girls and they told me that they were already inside. I opened the back door of the taxi to see Harry already waiting there. He put out his hand and I graciously took it. He helped me to stand up then we headed towards the entrance.

"Hi!" I let go of Harry's hand when I spotted the girls. We each shared a hug and they were quick to comment on my growing stomach. "You look so cute." "I can't believe you're actually gonna have a baby!" I smiled. "I know. Oh and guess what!" "What?" Faith tilted her head to the side. "I felt the baby kick last night." I replied. All three of them stared at me for a second before bright smiles spread across their faces.

The night before I was sat in bed when I felt a flutter in my stomach. You couldn't see or feel it from the outside but the doctor had told me what to look out for so I knew it was the baby. When I told Harry a cute smile graced his features.

Once I said hello to the boys we all got settled in our seats, ready to watch the race. When the green flag was waved everyone suddenly became very focused. I sat between Harry and Talia, my hand gently resting on my small bump.

After almost an hour I got up to use the bathroom. "You alright love?" Harry asked. "Mhm," I hummed. "Just going to the toilet. I'll be back in a minute." I smiled lightly. He nodded then returned his attention back to the large outdoor tv screen that showed the parts of the track we couldn't see.

I made my way down the stairs and I walked towards the toilets. Just as I got there someone stopped me. "Excuse me?" I turned around. A teenage boy stood in front of me. "Are you Wroetoshaw's girlfriend?" He asked. "Uh- yes I am." I replied. "Could I please get a pic?" He was polite so I agreed. "Oh and congratulations by the way." He glanced at my stomach. I smiled. "Thank you." He nodded with a smile then he walked away happily.

When I returned to my seat I told Harry about the interaction. "I forgot that people don't know about the baby." He replied. "Well they'll probably know after today." I said quietly, carful not to annoy anyone around us trying to watch the race. "That's not a bad thing though, we didn't want it to be a big deal, right?" "Yeah, I'm a little sad that it won't be our little secret anymore though."

Since I'm not really on social media we hadn't even thought about telling the fans since it wasn't like I needed to hide it in pictures or anything. But when they find out they find out we're not that bothered about it.

Once the race ended we all headed to a nearby restaurant to get some lunch. We ordered our food then began having separate conversations. Me and the girls chatted away about what we'd all been up to recently while the boys discussed an upcoming sidemen video.

Later that night as me and Harry lay next to each other in bed he turned his phone around so I could see it. "Look." The screen showed an instagram post with a picture of me and Harry sat at the f1 race, my hand perched on my obvious baby bump. The caption read "congratulations are in order for w2s and his girlfriend y/n! The couple were seen earlier today with the rest of the sidemen at the f1 British Grand Prix and y/n seems to be pregnant! Nothing has been confirmed by them as of yet but fans are extremely excited about the news."

I smiled. "Well, I guess now everyone knows." Harry put the phone down, shuffling closer to me and pulling me into his chest. "I'm glad. It's been hard keeping the biggest thing in my life a secret. The amount of times they've had to cut stuff out of the podcast because I accidentally let something slip." He replied. I chuckled then let out a content sigh as we both slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

[deitripper]

I was one of the Chilean winners to meet Paul McCartney and go to his soundcheck. My experience.

Well fellas, it's been a long time since i posted here and what can i say, i just wanted to give u the good news! As u read it, i had the chance (next to other people, 9 great fellow fans) to hug paul and share few minutes with him (As i write this all what i experienced feels unreal) I'm the one wearing the sgt pepper's suit btw!

I don't remember too much about the whole day, but the soundcheck was AMAZING, he played temporary secretary, mrs Vanderbilt, Let em in and Coming up!!it was CRAZY. Bf the soundcheck was over we were taken to another place in the stadium where we waited few minutes, and we talked with Stuart Bell (((((i joked a bit with him about he having the dream job and the possibility of k1ll1ng someone to be part of Paul's team and he told me 'HOW!? IT WAS A SECRET I TOLD U! ))))😂 Stuart is Paul's tour manager and we met his photographer and cameraman.

To be brief, let's jump right into meeting Paul, where do i start??? HE'S THE MOST ADORABLE MAN EVER, as soon as i saw him my eyes turned into waterfalls, my heart skipped a beat and all the memories of me binge watching videos and interviews of The Beatles crashed in my head. He greeted all the other winners and i didn't notice i was almost the last one, i was so shocked, too paralyzed to even say something, other winners told me Paul said something like 'Oh darling come on' and i just went slowly as i could to be near him and get a hug. I swear won't forget that moment. I HUGGED A BEATLE LIKE WHAAAAAATTT THE ACTUALLL HECKKK!!!! He share few words with everyone while the cameraman recorded everything. I feel that we were with him like 5 minutes but they -believe when i tell you- FELT LIKE 2 SECONDS. Then we took an official photo with Paul (which i'm kinda sad to receive bc i know my sgt peppers suit was totally hide behind two other girls who won, but hey, i'm in the same pic with Paul and that's enough!!) and lastly i had the chance to show him a bit of my work, i ordered some badges and stickers with my Beatle illustrations that i put on my suit and explained him stuff that i can't remember right now :'( But this is what finally made me lost my mind (internally bc for everyone is was just crying) LISTEN LISTEN, HE SAID MY WORK WAS """IMPRESSIVE""" AND HE TOUCHED THE STICKER WITH THE JOHN LENNON PORTRAIT I HAD ON THE SUIT, HE- TOUCHED- ONE- OF- MY- PORTRAITS AND HE RECOGNIZED THAT IT WAS JOHN READING SPANIARD IN THE WORKS. FFS, as i write this i start to sob. Then in a rush we sang the spanish version of 'Besame Mucho" a.k.a Cha Cha Boom song 😂 and then we all said goodbye as we could, waving, screaming, and in my case, crying hard af.

I really really hope to have a chance too see him in concert again, i know that the chance to be THAT near to him again, a literally walking legend, is almost impossible (as impossible as it feel the first time) i know i'm a lucky girl, and my life changed just having the chance to be in the same room with him. I won't be over this, there's now way this feels less exciting over the years. I was one of the few people that had the opportunity to be to his side -even if it was for a minute- and nothing is going to change that.

I have big dreams ahead, and i hope i'm able to accomplish every one of them. After hugging Paul everything feels possible.

If you like my art, know that i feel more inspired than ever before and i hope u can follow me on this journey🩷

Love, Dei.🩷

Ps, all the winners and i are expecting the video of everything, so as soon i as get it i'll try to share all the bits where i'm interacting with Paul (i hope with my soul that our hug is recorded and that his team doesn't cut that while editing the clips)

[snowy-vee]

ALL MINE (4)

CHECK MY PINNED POST!

DAILY CLICK!!!!

DON'T STOP TALKING ABOUT PALESTINE JUST BECAUSE THE STRIKE IS OVER! NOBODY WILL BE FREE UNTIL EVERYONE IS FREE!

oblivious loser bsf! ellie williams x posesive popular bsf!fem reader

n/a: 2.9k words! I hope you all enjoy, I have change some things so the story MAYBE won't end in 6 chapters, I love reading comments or answering questions, so FEEL FREE TO DO SO. Any misspelling will be edited later on

You enter the house talking on the phone. You take out your boots and went directly to the fridge grabbing a water bottle.

“No, shit, Jesse, of course I’m giving her space but I think you don’t get that it’s been two weeks since I last saw her”

“If I don’t recall wrong, you made some cheer girls spy on her”

“Shush, what was I supposed to do? She was suspended for one week so I knew I wasn’t going to see her and that she was going to still mad at me the next one, so I put April and Sav to do a little… research ¡I am worried! She hasn’t even come to the house to pick up her clothes, her backpack, yes, but her clothes are just like the last time.”

When you went to fight Abby at her department, you didn’t, Ellie had done enough job, so you just screamed at her and made her tell you what the fuck happened between them at the locker room and years ago. Abby, tired of this bullshit, told you everything from A to Z, and you felt more like a piece of shit.

Now you understood everything, at least saw the situation with a different light, you did slap Abby and told her to stay away from you or you would sue her for spreading your pics around campus. Since then, no contact between you two, not even in class.

“Well, you fucked up big this time, what can I say?”

“Thank you, you’re the best, How does it feel that she’s with your ex and you’re still in love with her?”

“One, at least I can talk with Dina without problems, our friendship is good, Two, they are not together yet. How’s yours with Ellie? Oh right, hanging in a thread”

“Blah, Blah, Blah… Where’s my fucking couch?” You turned around going on the living room to sat down on your couch but it disappeared, it was there this morning when you left.

“How would I know? Where’s your couch?”

“That’s what am I asking, Jesse!” You were going to freak out. You heard the water of the bathroom running, there was someone on the house “I think there’s someone in the house…”

“It could be Ellie”

“Her keys are not in the entrance, I will call you later…” You said walking slowly towards the bathroom, you could hear Jesse telling you to don’t hang the call but you did anyway. Once you where in front of the door, It opened and you screamed.

The voice of Ellie screaming at unison with you made you stop. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

She said with a hand on her chest looking at you as if you were crazy. She obviously just took a shower and was wrapped in a towel with her hair soaked and wetting the floor. You felt relieved that it wasn’t a burglar, you nodded slowly reassuring yourself and saying that it was only Ellie… ¡Ellie!

“You’re back?”

“Well, still my house too, so yeah, you have a problem with that?” She said in a defensive tone, of course her guard wasn’t down yet.

“No, of course no! It’s just that I am surprised”

“Don’t be, this doesn’t mean me and you are friends again”

“I know… Do you happen to know what happened with the couch” You asked with a sad frown looking at her walk to her room.

“Yeah, I burned it in a remote clearing far from here”

“Why? It was brand new!

“It was dirty because of someone” she simply said closing her door. You had a confused look on your face as you were processing what she told you.

You locked yourself in your room, you did miss her but at the same time you had to find some words to tell her and you had zero idea what to do, God, she was burning things now, maybe you were the next. Ellie was walking around the house, you could hear her steps on the kitchen and the TV on, she was cooking something while watching one random quiz show.

The warm feeling that you had knowing that she was finally back at home allowed to take a long nap, a very long one because once you woke up, the sun was gone and you regretted it. You had homework to do and exams to study, you had to take it seriously since cheer wasn’t your major, you were studying something that your parents agreed on but you did not enjoyed that much.

They were donating monthly to the cheer team in exchange that you aced everything else, otherwise you would be expelled from cheering and from the team, even the coach knew that. Ellie always helped you and made it easy to study but she didn’t this time, obviously, so you had kind of trouble studying.

With your things to study you went to your kitchen, leaving everything on the table, you were going to study there but also eat something, you were hungry. You opened the fridge, empty except some sodas and protein bars… maybe in the pantries? Nothing caught your attention but the pan in the stove. Ellie had cooked one of your fav foods, was she torturing you? She knew that you weren’t going to grab the food nor ask her if you could, you bit your lip and sighed resignedly, protein bars would be.

Time flies while you were working in your homework, sometimes looking over Ellie because it still felt surreal that she was at home, she could feel your eyes on her but she wasn’t going to give you any attention or so she thought before you started groaning annoyed that you couldn’t understand a lot of things. It was making her nervous and irritated her a little, mostly because she knew that you stressed yourself easily over anything and that made the process more difficult and also because she couldn’t help you, you two were on a Cold War.

“What is it?” She said getting up from the only small chair of the living room.

You turned the computer around and showed her the topic, she started helping you and you were focus, of course you wanted to use the opportunity to talk but first enjoy her help. None of you realized how fast the time passed that until you let a small yawn.

“Maybe, that’s everything for today” Ellie said returning to her cold-self. Shaking your head you grabbed her hand.

“Please, don’t… I can’t spent another day without talking to you”

“We are talking”

“Don’t play dumb, I finally know what happened back home, I finally understand more your anger, Abby told me everything”

Ellie raised her eyebrows, waiting for you to start talking. She wanted to know what truth have you heard and if it was the right version of it, and it was, Abby told you the truth.

“So you went to her again?”

“That’s all you have to say? And it was not like that” You rolled your eyes looking at her “Whatever, what I want to say is that I wished you could’ve told me back then”

“Would it have changed something?”

“I have no idea, maybe?”

Ellie scoffed. “So my word was not enough? Telling you not to mix with Anderson?”

It was going to be difficult to try and have a conversation when Ellie still hurt and was defensive, which you get and that’s why the nap was a need, you were mentally prepared for this.

“I’m not saying that, but I thought it was something stupid like she stole your game box, not your girlfriend” You tried to explain.

“Okay, but you still had something with her knowing that I was in bad terms with her, why? I mostly want to hear why? I’ve been racking my brain searching for a reason”

“Because of you” Ellie opened her mouth to respond but you covered it. “Shut up. Let me finish, I did it because of you, Ellie, I’ve been in love with you since god knows when and I tried so hard just to be your best friend but I couldn’t”

Ellie eyes softened slowly. “Every girl that tried anything with you, I scared them off, I used the ‘power’ of being popular and I used to make them stay away from but then we came here and there was so many people that did not fear me or knew me and you were getting along with a lot of people, I was afraid you were going to finally find a girl that matched your type”

“Why you never told me that?” She said taking your hand out of her mouth, holding it now.

“I’ve tried! Millions of times but somehow you had a new girl in your radar or you did not read the signs, eventually I grew tired of it so I tried to keep you for me. The first time I got with Abby, was only a kiss in a game but that made me popular somehow and I was starting to get more attention because of the rumours, at the same time I saw how you looked at Dina when she was dating Jesse and how you started to talk with her when they broke up even if it was briefly, I knew you were getting interested in her”

“I have nothing with Dina…”

“Can you let me finish? Damm” She murmured a little ‘sorry’ and indicate for you to continue “That irritated me and I was thinking on ways, it’s going to sound bad… on ways to hurt you because of how you made me feel, like I would never be enough but I did not wanted to hurt you directly because I am your best friend, nothing else, you weren’t doing anything bad, just being social and flirting. Abby told me she find me attractive and ¡Bang! Match made in hell, it was perfect, because I knew how much pain you’d feel and it would be equal at mine.”

“So it was intentional? You wanted to hurt me?” She let go of your hand looking at your eyes.

“No! Well, yeah, I didn’t realized how dumb I was being but with you and Dina getting to know each other more, you lying to me to go see her… It was too much. I’ve been with a lot of people in front of you and you’ve never reacted until Abby, so it was the only person that made you protective of me while I tried to get rid of Dina”

You took a deep breath and exhaled softly, nodding slowly. “But this two weeks, I did some thinking, more like mini therapy and I’m ready to be your best friend and stop pushing myself on you on any way and let you be the judge of your love life. I don’t want you out of my life, you’re my everything and if it’s only as a best friend that I can be, I am ready and I know that I hurt you and that is going to be difficult to trust me again but I hope we can reconnect slowly again”

Ellie felt kind of guilty knowing that she neglected your feelings and kind of made you that way, she could’ve rejected you sooner… or accept you sooner, anyway what was done was done.

“I- I think that I accept your apologize”

“You think? Is that a yes or no?”

“I don’t know, I have to think about it and it will take time. Even if we start acting like before, my trust on you has been hurt” You nodded. Of course, you were aware of that but how long was she going to take? Also, you just confessed that you love her and she is not going to say anything to that? That made your heart kind of itching, you wanted to scratch it and, in the process, tear it out.

“I understand… Can I hug you?”

“It’s better that you don’t” Oh. Ellie already took out your heart and ate it in front of you “We can start slowly, I can help you studying and let’s go from that”

“Okay”

“You can’t interfere in any of my love life, nor go back to Abby, this time I won’t make you promise that you will, I just hope that you wanting my friendship back is enough to keep you away from her” Your mind was spiralling thinking about how much build up you had to do to rebuild what you had with her. “I’m kind of tired… I’ll go to sleep now, night”

She went to her room an closed the door. You were left alone in the kitchen and still with a little homework unfinished, but you had a new plan in the move, now that you had a green light you could start it.

“I’m going to the 24h store! Be right back” You yelled grabbing your jacket and keys, putting on your shoes and calling Jesse.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

The music of the bar was mostly soft rock and the smell of alcohol and cigarettes was everywhere, you finally saw Jesse playing pool in his red varsity jacket with some guys of the football team.

“Hey, guys!” You said in your cheer tone, making them all smile. “Mind if steal your teammate for some time?”

“All you want, darling”

They started cheering Jesse’s name and patting him on his back as you pulled him out of the bar to the back part of it so no one could catch you talking and interrupt.

“They must be thinking we’re going to fuck or something”

“Ha! In your dreams” You let your back rest on the wall as you look at him taking out a cigarette “Give me one”

He light his up and came in front of you putting on in your lips and connecting both cigarettes to light up yours, all this keeping eye contact with you before taking a spot besides you, leaning his back on the wall too, that made you and he laughed.

“I’m sure that works like charm with the ladies”

“You can’t imagine” he shrugged “So what was that you wanted to talk about?”

“I will help you with get back with Dina” He started coughing because of heat you said, you raised your eyebrow blowing the smoke on his direction.

“What? Why? Is this one of your crazy plans?

Your relationship with Jesse was more of a partner in crime than anything, if any of you had this weird planning on something you could count on the other to support and help and he knew of your dying love with Ellie, so he was sure you wanted to help yourself more than help him.

“Don’t you still love her? Why don’t fight for that love back? You guys were cute”

“You used to gag every time you saw us”

“That was before”

“Before what? Before she and Ellie started something?” You nodded shamelessly, you had no problem admitting that you wanted Dina out of the picture ASAP. He stayed in silent for sometime, he was reconsidering the offer, most of your plans never failed and he truly wanted Dina back. “I don’t want to force Dina back in to my arms, I want her to be with me because she wants”

“Duh, my plan won’t work if she don’t want, this has to go smoothly, Ellie has given me second chance but with the agreement that I wouldn’t mess into her love life”

“Yet here you are” he smirked. “You are such a bad best friend”

“That’s why I want to be the girlfriend, now that all the mess with Cat and Abby is out, she doesn’t have to evade me in that aspect any more”

“Because you already cheat on her once” You hit her shoulder and he laughs “Don’t get mad at me, get mad at yourself! I’ll do it, but it better work, how much time is it going to take?”

“Some months, we need to let them at least some weeks together and then interfere between them, my friendship with Ellie still is fragile but she adores me too much, we will be back at normal, while that happen…” You flicked the cigarette butt onto the ground and stamped it out, exhaling the last puff. “You have to tighten your friendship with Dina, be more flirty, romantic but not too much that you make her uncomfortable, enough to make her remember how good your relationship was”

“And what are you going to do?”

“Be the friend Ellie deserves and helping her through the hard times” you take out your phone to call an Uber to go back home, your job here was done, you just had to wait and have faith that Jesse was going to do a good work.

“You truly are something else” Jesse sighed walking back to the bar and giving you a last look.

“I’m just taking care of my girl”

Meanwhile, Ellie was at home contemplating her ceiling and thinking that maybe this time everything was going to be easy and that maybe this was a small bump that your friendship had to overcome to become stronger. She was so weak when it came about you, she tried so hard to stay at Dina’s but she was sometimes searching for you on campus without realizing that, sometimes it seem as if you were the one that started the cold war. How wrong was she about it…

taglist;; @boobdrug @lovelyxbaby @pedropascalsbbg@cherryimaa @yumimak @amberputh @cattjull @carylinflors @ghostlyfangs @teawithnosugar @azxulaa @elliesexual @gato-chino @divinesdior @yumimak @abbystoy @gosomewjere @isitadinosaur @sourgummywormsss @rhehhwfehwfqd @bubblymilktee @mulan-but-gay @liasxeatt @lookforthelight1 @slynxs @doveocean @onlinelesbo

for people who asked me to be tag but it's not, sorry, it's not letting me tag you, I'll try later or next chapter <3 I'm going to ask for 250 notes to post the next!!!

[creedslove]

KEEPING YOUR PICTURE 💋

Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: Javi sees you going a little crazy over your ex and he tries to make you feel better

Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of bad relationships, mentions of cheating, javier peña (because he is a trigger warning himself)

A/N: besties, this is just a short silly drabble that came to me because I actually dreamed of that, lol!

0.8k words

"I hope you know I can have you arrested for that, cariño" Javi's voice startled you as he took a step closer and lit up a cigarette.

He was the last person you expected to see at that hour, but there he was, having a smoke and wondering what the hell you were doing.

You couldn't sleep that night, not after the news you got, and you tried several times to get rid of the annoying pang that grew in your chest, however, the more you tried not thinking of it, the more you thought of it and that was bothering you to no end so you thought of the most illogical idea that could possibly cross someone's mind: you went out in the street in the middle of the night, grabbed one of the trash cans outside, dragged it to the patio of your apartment complex, started a small fire inside the can and threw it into the flames all of the painful memories that troubled your sleep and disturbed your heart.

And of course that working with Javier wasn't enough, you had to be his neighbor too, door to door, and not only that, he had to be up in the middle of the night to watch your mentally unstable horror show.

He could've made fun of it, he could've made a cheeky comment, but instead, he just stood there, curiously watching what you were doing as he took some puffs of his cigarette.

"You can try to arrest me, I may not be an agent but I have my DEA privileges" you winked at him with a sad smile and watched as Javi took a step closer and finally watched what was in your hands. He saw the photographs you held and looked at you

"That's the bastard who broke your heart?" You nodded and he hummed, taking the pictures into his own hands and watched them carefully "I'm guessing you are burning them down? Lorraine did the same when I left her at the altar" he smiled sadly and earned a chuckle from you

"Well, maybe you and my ex could have a drink together and exchange life experiences…"

Javi gave you a stinky eye and shook his head "I was a dick, but I was also immature as fuck, barely had left highschool and thought I was adult enough to get married. Your ex, on the other hand, was just a dick, because he couldn't see how lucky he was to have a wonderful woman like yourself and decided to change you for some whore" he shrugged and a blush spread through your cheeks. Javier Peña considered you a wonderful woman? You hadn't really thought that was possible, well, Javier had flirted with you and hinted at taking you back to his apartment, but he did this to every woman he saw, so you figured it wasn't a big deal.

"Cariño, you told me what he did, he cheated and deceived and he got the other girl pregnant, didn't he?" His thumb stroked your cheek gently as you nodded, looking into his eyes

"And after he said he would never marry me because he just didn't do marriages, he married his bitch" you groaned "and that's not it, guess where they're coming on their honeymoon?"

"Colombia?" He raised his eyebrow and you nodded

"Let me guess… they aren't going to Cartagena or any other beautiful place, they're coming here?" You nodded again and Javi licked his lips

"That's cruel" he said "tell you what, you let me know when they're coming and they will get a cop visit" he suggested it and made you scoff "would you really harass innocent civilians in order to protect me?"

Javi took another step closer, this time placing his hand on your waist and pulling you closer

"For you, I would yeah… now, instead of burning these pics, why don't you give me them? I will cut out your shitty ex boyfriend from them and keep the rest to myself…"

"The rest as in… my pictures? Why would you keep them?"

"Because you are too pretty to just burn it down, I'd take better care of the pics, cariño, just like I would take better care of you" he winked and you laughed again, Javi was a true womanizer, he just had whoever he wanted, and yet, it never seemed to work on you.

"Why didn't you accept when I asked you out, cariño? Were you afraid I'd play with your feelings?"

"You didn't ask me out, Javi, you invited me over for drinks and cigarettes which translates into sex…"

"That doesn't mean I wouldn't take good care of you, hermosa…"

Your hands rested over Javi's and you smiled big "yeah? Prove it"

And Javi pulled you for a kiss, a deep, intense one, where your lips wouldn't leave his even if someone forced you to.

Your whole body shook and it just felt right to be in his arms, it was a warm, soothing and intoxicating embrace. In his arms nothing else matter but you and him and you moaned disappointed the moment he broke the kiss, his fingers gently placing a strand of hair behind your ear, as he smirked

"See? Told you I could take care of you, cariño"

____

A/N: Besties, I know it wasn't great, but I had a dream about that lol, and I thought I should put it into paper. Also, I'm working on the epilogue of Deserve It, it's just going slower than I thought... 🌹❤️

[sanjisboyfie]

one piece smau: married to franky edition

ー franky def a chronic emoji user

liked by frankys.favorite, dni_nami, and 9k others

SUPERLOVER: i love treating my husband out for dinner hes my entire world 😍🥰❤️💘

tagged: frankys.favorite

dni_nami: this is what i mean when i say get urself a man w money bc wdym u managed a res at this fancy ass restaurant ????

uso_pp: so this is what u skipped boys night for 🙄🙄🙄

-> roro.zoro: at ur grown age...

-> freeluffy: WHAT DO U MEAN BT THAT ZORO

-> SUPERLOVER: NO ILOVE U GUYS STILL BUT I LOVE MY HISBAND MORE

[liked by frankys.favorite, dni_nami, ans 90 others]

frankys.favorite: i love u sm handsome

-> SUPERLOVER: hehehe (//∇//)

liked by SUPERLOVER, freeluffy, and 10k others

frankys.favorite: best details about my husband

tagged: SUPERLOVER

SUPERLOVER: YOU CAN PUT AS MANY STICKERS ON MY TITTIES AS U WANT BBYBOY I LOVE YOU 😫😫😫🫶🏼🤭🤭😻🤖🤖🤖

-> frankys.favorite: 😭😭

-> robinkills: i need u to restrict the usage of emojis on your phone. its getting insane.

dni_nami: whyd i get frankys whole ass tit on my tl bruh

uso_pp: imma bite that 🤭🤭🤭

-> SUPERLOVER: [name]'s done this several times and ive yet to feel anything 😎

-> uso_pp: ayo????

princesanji: a hello kitty tattoo is crazy

-> frankys.favorite: ur def the type to have cinnamoroll tattooed on ur hipbone dont even try it

liked by robinkills, iceburg, and 10k others

dni_nami: literally told these two to not set off the fireworks and look at them kissing it up. absolutely shameless.

tagged: SUPERLOVER and frankys.favorite

frankys.favorite: what do u mean it was a great light show namiii

-> SUPERLOVER: I MUST AGREE IUR FIREWORKS SHOW WAS SUPPPPERRRR BEAUTIFUL

-> dni_nami: no. it was SUPERRRR disruptive for the whole street

SUPERLOVER: look at my handsome baby. his pretty face👻👻

-> roro.zoro: ur emoji selections r always so unsettling

princesanji: their marraige was a match made in heaven w the way they both are constantly ruining everyone elses night

[liked by SUPERLOVER, frankys.favorite, and 90 others]

liked by SUPERLOVER, dni_nami, and 13k others

frankys.favorite: get urself a buff man like mine holyyyy shiitttt

tagged: SUPERLOVER

SUPERLOVER: GET YOURSELF A SEXY MAN LIKE MINE HEHEHE 🫸🏼🫷🏼i love u so much

-> frankys.favorite: ❤️

uso_pp: NOOO WHEN U TWO START THIRSTING FOR EACH OTHER U DONT EVER FUCKING STOPPPP

-> dni_nami: time to mute the both of them

freeluffy: i wonder how someone so old like franky is able to keep his body so muscley

-> SUPERLOVER: im not even that old luffy what the fuck

-> freeluffy: ur like 50

-> frankys.favorite: hes 36????

-> freeluffy: same thing!!! :DDD

roro.zoro: how the fuck r u shaped like a dorrito

-> SUPERLOVER: i was crafted by the hands of my lover and molded into be the perfect man for him.

-> roro.zoro: FOR FUCKS SAKE.

liked by frankys.favorite, dni_nami, uso_pp, and 11k others

SUPERCOLA: finally was able to take my baby out to get him a new car 🏁🚙

tagged: frankys.favorite

frankys.favorite: thank u sm EVEN THO I TOLD U MULTIPLE TIMES U DIDNT HAVE TO but thank u so much i love u

-> SUPERLOVER: of course YOURE MY NUMBER ONE RIDE OR DIE i need to show u how much i love u 💍 i wish i could buy more than this because you deserve so much more my love

[liked by uso_pp, robinkills, and 200 others]

robinkills: this is crazy. but i love it for u two, absolute sweethearts

uso_pp: what about me franky 🥺🥺🥺

freeluffy: i wanr a car too franky 🥺🥺🥺

ttchopper: i want my own car too franky 🥺🥺🥺

frankys.favorite's story

me n my husband vs the world <3

SUPERLOVER replied to your story: u rlly had the time to snap a pic after all we did last night??? ur crazy and ily

[raainberry]

Rewind You

« To rewind is to make something go back to the beginning or to an earlier point. »

Sana x gn!reader

Angst

synopsis - your ex’s concert is the last place you should be at after breaking up, yet here you are

⚠️this (very) short story is told backwards, so from end to the start. i wrote it so you can read it normally and from the end. both ways will make sense, but the chronology in which it’s told will change.

wordcount - 581

T/W - Food (One mention)

A/N - two crazy discoveries led to this: new sana pics and melanie martinez’s unreleased song You Love I from which the concept is inspired. enjoy! or not bc i actually dont know if this is good its too late for me to worry about that🥰

Everything was better with her…

You’d ask yourself how you ended up here, but you knew the answer already.

You felt lost, overwhelmed as a pain you couldn’t seem to let go of persisted deep within your chest, looking around in search for a distraction.

How deluding…

The music was loud, but the tune was off. The lights were bright, but they lacked color. The people around you were happy, dancing and singing along to whatever song came out of those powerful speakers, but it wasn’t infectious.

Your eyes followed the spotlight as it highlighted the artist you hadn’t seen in months. All you could feel when you laid eyes on her was jealousy.

Something you loved and cherished, a place and a person, they’d been ripped away from you the moment you’d parted ways. Yet there she was, still enjoying it all as everyone’s focus and passionate admiration landed solely onto her for the next two minutes.

Minatozaki Sana.

You should have gone to a nightclub... It was the most popular, if not customary short-term remedy to a breakup. Why on Earth were you at a concert instead—her concert out of all?

Needless to say, your split was a fall from grace. Heartbreaking, as you’d expect from a relationship that lasted this long. You’d never broken up with anyone, but you’d seen it in the movies. You knew it would hurt no matter how long you’d seen it coming. You even bought the ice cream in advance, which you unsurprisingly downed in days while living in your memories.

Years. Months. Days. Hours. Every minute you spent together, you made sure to love each other, feeling your hearts swelling at every gesture. A kiss, a touch, or even a simple look was enough to send you to cloud nine. High enough to only see each other.

You’re not sure when everything and everyone else faded out, what mattered was her. You truly liked her. So did she. Perhaps from the moment you’d met. But it took a while to realise just how much you cared about the other.

A first date only came after her clumsy confession one drunken summer night on your balcony. You thought it had been a dream when you woke up the next day. It felt like it at least, when you laid eyes on her and saw her clinging to your shirt in her sleep. Even unconscious, she seemed to be aware of your presence. To want it.

Her conscience never let a second go by without a thought of you either. She made it her mission to satisfy this mindful desire of hers. Texting you at all hours, calling you just to hear the sound of your voice, asking if you could meet her in between two schedules like you would even think about saying no to her.

She was all you could think about. Her smile, her eyes, her laugh, down to her scent. It remained in a corner of your mind, recalling each of them in the late hours of the night as you struggled to fall asleep. The feeling was enchanting, to the point you wondered if she was real. If you’d really met her and she was not someone you’d made up in your dreams to make it all easier.

Life wasn’t that much of a party until you crossed paths with her. While she described her ‘before’ as chaotic, you liked to see yours as the opposite. Just plain boring.

Nothing seemed as colorful, vibrant, or lush without her.

Everything was better with her.

[warden-melli]

For the tattoo thing 5 and 6

5. What was the most painful tattoo?

For me it’s the back of the calf/knee area. My Adaman/Dialga/leafeon tattoo really, really hurt. That one and my Arceus tattoo are all in that general area, and so far it’s been the worst place I’ve been tattooed. I’m not someone who thinks tattoos don’t hurt, they absolutely do, but for the most part they’re usually pretty easy to tune out after a while. You may get the odd sharp bit here or there, but usually it’s pretty easy to ignore, but the back of the leg/back of knee area is extremely sharp for the whole tattoo. My Giratina tattoo is on the front of my knee, and I was always told that was one of the worst spots, but I didn’t find that spot very bad at all, especially compared to the back of the knee

The Adaman tattoo is also a pretty major scar cover up, so that may have something to do with why it was so painful. Some parts of the tattoo were completely numb without any feeling what so ever, but right next to that section were spots that were literally the worst tattoo pain I’ve ever had. Nerve damage wild card, I guess lol. Unfortunately the tattoo isn’t completely done yet, and I have a few more colouring sessions before my PLA sleeve is done, so I’ll have to be tattooed in that area a few more times still

Another thing that made the Adaman tattoo suck so bad was that I accidentally booked the linework on the same day I had a gig, so I had to finish this long ass tattoo session, wrap it up, and then rush into the city in time for the show. This was also in the middle of February in Australia, so it was crazy hot and humid. I’d just had the most painful lineart session on the back of my knee, so it was kinda painful to walk, but I pushed on. By the time the show was over I was exhausted, and the tattoo was in desperate need of a bandage change. TMI but I use second skin, and after not resting and pissing it off all night, it had sprung a bit of a leak. I was going to clean it up and change the bandage after I got home, but I found out that my housemate had used the last of my second skin bandages (thanks Moth 😒). So at like 3am I had to drive all the way back to the city, to get to a hospital that had the only 24hr chemist that was open at that hour (that also had them in stock), so that I could finally fix the tattoo up. I’d been awake since like 8am the morning of the tattoo (after only getting 3 hours sleep the night before), and I didn’t make it to sleep until about 6am. It was definitely a day.

Second worse is a tie between Melli and Lord Electrode, who was a huge tattoo done all in one day, and my Skyrim tattoo that I got the day after getting a Covid shot when I felt like shit

6. What was your first ever tattoo and how old were you when you got it?

Technically my first ever tattoo was a dot on the palm of my hand from a pencil when I was 8 lol, but my first real tattoo was a little Mewtwo. It’s held up really well, and I still love it

Also This ask made me realise that I never posted a healed Adaman/Leafeon colour update whoops. I’m alone rn, so it’s a bit hard to get good, undistorted pics of the tattoo by myself, but here’s how they’re looking so far. Next colouring session is next month btw

[littledrummerangie]

So hello hello good evening Budapest. I'm finally home, it's midnight and and and I had the best time of my life!

Many many highlights of the soundcheck and the show:

My question for soundcheck was picked fiiiirst? Hello??? It was absolutely crazy!

The VIP rep, Athena was an absolut angel, big shout out to her! I had a good talk with her after soundcheck and she was he sweetest.

The guys played Long Way Home and Out Of My Limit.

Before questions the VIP rep asked our names and I told her she can say Angie insted of my Hungarian name.

So she did introduce me "someone who her friends know as Angie", and Michael was like: "and what do people call you who you do not consider as friends?" So I had to tell him that basically anyone before age 15 knows me as my real name, and after that, when I started using the internet and didn't like my name I picked up Angie. So he said, okay, Angie.

My question was: what arw you bringing home from tour (souvenir, memory, feeling).

Ash said his mom always asks for fridge magnets and was like "fuck, Mom, no, it would need its own suitcase" and he said he likes travelling light

Luke said a qeak immune system and he stoles keycards from the hotels he sþays in and has tons

Michael said he gets lot of baby clothes and didn't know how much stuff a baby needs

Calum said he has really good memories of this tour

At thw beginning they also was talking about Buda and Pest, as mentioned by Ash in the IG story.

Other questions were about:

How they choose what they wear. Ash and Luke said they try bot to clash with the others and look ridiculous. They basically go by what Cal chooses, becauee Michael goes by him, and then the rest tries not to clash with them. Look also mentioned whatever he can paid up that he didn't do previously, and how he feels that day.

They asked about the Flatline chorus and Luke did listen to the song on his phone to figure it out... but I'm still not sure as they were also unsure lol.

They asked about the RAH orchestra and how it was a bit hard working with them because they only stayed until their time was up, and they are speaking different musical languages.

And lastly they asked about how they feel when they release a really emotional, personal song and if it's hard to do. They said of course, and how everyone has their own interpretation on songs, and sometimes it's best not to know the original thought and have your own on them.

There was also a fly trying to get into Luke's tea and Ashton kinda looked scared of it because he stood up.and took two steps backwards.

Both Charlotte Sands and AR/CO were amazing.

I was on Michael's side, 2nd row.

Ashton was wearing those silly ass chekered sunglasses for like half the show lol. But he has the biggest biceps in the world oh god.

They were cuteeeee. Michael was so precious. So happy.

We got Wrapped Around Your Finger.

They guys enjoyed Budapest, and said it was a special show because it'a in the last 3 for a long time now.

Also, there was a point where Ash said something about Calum abd I was like... boyfriends.

Michael couldn't sing Best Friends because Luke was being silly and they just started histerically laughing.

Michael remembered and made a joke about last year's KFC thing and someone had a fake/plush KFC bucket hat on and they were making fun of that.

He ended up wearing it for the beginning of Outer Space.

(Terrible photo, sorry. Didn't take much pics.)

Saw Ash at the very end on my side and he is beautiful and smiley. I love him. 🩷🫶

Tagging some peeps for story time: @kindahoping4forever @nostalgiabones @whentherosesbl00m @suchalonelysunflower

[armpirate]

UNDER YOUR SKIN || JJK || Ch. 32

Pairings: tattoist!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, friends to lovers, tattoo au, virgin reader.

Summary: You were awful on anything related to flirting, guys and sex. He was the perfect ladies man. You wanted to get rid of your virginity. And he was there to help you with everything you needed. You didn't have the best start, but that didn't mean you wouldn't have the best of the endings.

Warnings: Public sex, vaginal sex, dirty talk.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

I'm so nervous.

Even before I signed the contract, I was hesitating on whether to sign it or not. I wanted to desperately go back to my comfort zone and serve drinks, just to do what I'm used to and what I know I'm good at. Throwing myself into this feels so strange, so uncomfortable, that I can't help but try to convince myself that I won't be good at this.

The fact that the week ran by, to the point where I wasn't able to mentalize myself with this new job position wasn't of help.

But here I am anyway, walking around the gallery while Jin tries to introduce me to every usual customer that comes in -just so I do it all by myself with new visitors. Yesterday he already explained everything I should be doing today -and from now on. Although he still told me he'd be around for me, I want to leave a good impression by showing I understood my tasks the first time he explained them.

All that tension doesn't take long to disappear when I see Tammy, Soo, Melanie and Mark coming into the gallery, just to cheer me up from the distance as they see me busy with one possible customer. I smile at them, before returning my attention to the brunette middle aged lady that keeps asking me about the artist.

At some point while talking to her, my eyes gather around the gallery, stopping in the main door. Actually, stopping on him.

Jungkook comes in and the whole world seems to go slower. I can't take my eyes away from the way he moves his hands over the fabric of his grey suit to place it correctly, or the way his hair is styled in a messy tail. How can that man be real and be walking around like nothing?

The rest of the evening goes great, I just hang around the gallery waiting for someone to ask for my opinion or looking for my help. And it's all chill and fine until a pair of fingers trace my exposed spine, from my neck to the lowest part. It's crazy how I'm able to know who it is just with his touch, just by the way he makes my whole body react to him.

—You're a tease —Jungkook mentions—. You aren't wearing the set you sent me this afternoon.

I look at him nervously, just to find him smirking at me.

I wasn't thinking of wearing that lace set when I sent him those pics earlier today. Honestly, I wasn't even considering sending him those pics until he sent me a pic of his sweaty body in the gym.

—I would've loved to take it off with my teeth, with you lying on bed the same way you were on that pic.

I gulp hard, seeing that devilish smile one last time before he steps back and goes back to walk around the gallery as if he hasn't said something to set my whole body on fire. Every time I think I might have the upper hand on what we have going on, he comes back to remind me that I don't.

And if I thought he'd be easier on me, he keeps his eye on me during the rest of the exposition, never letting me forget his presence whenever I talk to one of the customers, or even Jin. God, I think his gaze gets more powerful whenever he's around me, and it annoys me because I'm trying to be professional.

And that doesn't change when we decide to go for a few drinks after, to celebrate I was able to sell two drawings on my first night, and made a few customers interested in other artworks. His gaze follows each one of my moves, whenever I drink, whenever I talk to Tammy, whenever I head to the bartender, or when I dare myself to dance with a cute guy that's been eyeing me while I was ordering my drink. His gaze is more intense as the minutes go by, as the hands of this boy go lower on my exposed back. But he doesn't look away, he doesn't move an inch when I look at him with a look full of bad intentions, Jungkook just clenches his jaw and waits. He just waits because he knows he's the one I'll go back home with.

This isn't over though.

When we all leave, and Soo basically forces Jungkook to take me home, I know this will be the night he finally gives in.

Intoxicated by his scent on the jacket he was wearing - that now he gave me so he could drive comfortably, and encouraged by his warmth, I move my hand over his torso, down his stomach, until I reach the beginning of his pants. All the teasing that has been going on these two weeks, all the revealing pics, the high voltage texts, the jealous looks... All has been leading to this.

I know he's hating every moment of our deal right now, I know he's dying to eat back his words when he said he wanted me to see and try to fuck with other guys. I saw it on his fast replies to my underwear pics, when he thought I was wearing them to go on a date. I saw it on the faces he made while I was dancing with other guys tonight. It's all over his voice when he speaks to me ever since he came up with that stupid rule.

The warmth of his body behind me, while his hands were taking full control of mine on the handlebar after the doctor took off the stitches in my hand a few days ago, woke up something inside of me. I've touched myself almost every single night, just with the reminiscence of the look in his eyes while he was handling my movements. Those days he kept taking me to work, and picking me up from the bar. I can't take it anymore.

—If you keep doing that, I won't be responsible for the consequences —he whispers, turning his head slightly to me on a red light.

—What consequences? —I don't stop moving my hand up and down his thigh, getting as near as I can to his crotch, but never as much as being able to touch it.

—I'll stop anywhere and fuck you raw. Like you've been looking for all night.

Those words, his raspy voice and the way his dark eyes are looking at me over his shoulder make me move my hips down, pressing the seat against the throbbing button. But I'm too into it right now to stop, so I move my hand up his leg, pressing my palm on the forming bulge in his pants, while my tongue licks one of his silver earrings hanging on his earlobe.

—What's stopping you?

It's like those words have activated something in him, something he wasn't planning on doing.

Jungkook licks the inside of his cheek, just to end with a sided smile when it gets to his lip. As soon as the red light turns green, he speeds up and looks for the right place until he finds a blind alley.

With a quick move of his feet, he places the stand and waits for me to hop off the motorbike. Jungkook doesn't move from his place, he just slides his body a bit backwards on the seat and pulls me closer to him with his hand.

The kiss is sloppy from the beginning, with our tongues messing with one another as we almost try to eat each other alive. It's so different from any other time we've kissed, it's needy and demanding. Everything we've been holding down these weeks is finally exploding, both of us are finally giving it to what we've been teasing all this time.

Jungkook helps me to hop on the motorbike again, this time straddling his legs without breaking the kiss. He wastes no time, sliding my panties aside, so he can directly slide two of his fingers through my slit, repeating that same movement a few times until I throw myself to his belt, desperate to take it off and unzip his pants.

I'm so into the kiss and what's to come that I'm not even aware of when he got a condom out of his wallet. But I moan when he lifts my body, cupping my ass cheeks in his hands, and fills me slowly, letting me get used to him inch by inch for the first time in weeks.

We moan into each other's mouths when he's fully inside. Electricity runs through my veins at the sensation of finally being connected to him like this after so long. His hands on my ass and thighs try to encourage me to move, but I stay in the same position. Moving my hips in circles, I lick his jar, from his chin to his earlobe, getting that so awaited groan.

—What do you want?

—Cocktease... —he chuckles nervously— Don't try to make me beg, because I want to fuck you stupid the same way you want my cock buried deep down your cunt.

My pussy clenching unconsciously around him after his words just make him smirk. No words were needed, because my own body has betrayed me to let him know he's right. I'm so down for this, I'd probably have a meltdown if something interrupted us right now.

I kiss him again, sticking my tongue in his mouth to shut the gasps and moans that come from every move I make as he fills me up. His teeth catch my lower lip, pulling from it while his eyes fix on mine with hunger. I swear he could make me cum just by looking at me that way.

I try my best to move my hips to take all of his, under the direction of his hands on my skin, digging on my flesh as if he were trying to control himself from going rougher. But we both fall back to reality when my moves come up more clumsy and arrhythmic than expected, we both remember this is my second time doing something like this. It doesn't matter how bad I try, I'm sure I'm killing the vibe right now.

—Babe —he stops my moves.

I slowly stop jumping on him, afraid of him saying the wait wasn't worth it, scared of him realizing he could be doing way better than this.

—You're doing great, but I really need to fuck your brains out right now —he kisses my chin—. Turn around.

I look at him confused, but that smile he throws at me makes me move. I'm scared to stumble with my heels when I'm going to set my feet on the ground, but Jungkook holds my arm all the time so I don't lose my balance. Although it doesn't take me long to sit back on the motorbike, this time as if I were the one driving it. He moves my body carefully, setting my belly over the gas tank, lifting my hips slightly from the leather seat. It's so weird, and maybe I feel too exposed, but the way he lifts my dress and jacket over my ass, slides my panties to the sides the most he can so he's able to rub his tip against my entrance, is making me go crazy right now.

He slides in slowly, inch by inch, but it's the only time he goes slow from now on. Once his pelvis reaches my ass cheeks and his balls rest against my open folds, he starts moving faster. Jungkook thrusts into me, in and out, in a drilling way that makes me go insane and eager for more, if that's even possible. The motorbike under us moves constantly. I'm afraid it might fall at some point.

—Nobody else will fuck you like this, baby. I'm the only one that can make you feel this good —he groans. 

He still tries to place my body properly, by cupping my hips in his hands and lowering them. And I know he's sure of what he's doing, because with the next thrust my clit rubs directly against the leather, and it does over and over again, with each thrust. Few minutes later, I'm close to being a moaning mess, and I would be if Jungkook hadn't covered my mouth with his hand.

—You know I love your moans, but save them for later —he warns with his shaky voice.

His cock twitches deep inside, forcing him to fall over my back and bite on my shoulder to keep himself from moaning.

He leaves me hanging near the edge right when I need him the most, and I start to think he might leave me hanging there as a revenge for everything that's been happening these two weeks, when he pulls out.

But of course he doesn't.

Jungkook sits back in his place, dragging my body with him so I'm sitting still. With one hand still on my mouth, his other hand rubs circles on my clit. Just a few more delicate traces, and I'm totally done in his arms, shutting my whimpers with his palm.

He finally frees my mouth, but two of his fingers grab my chin to turn my face to him while I'm still recovering from my high.

—You think I'm done with you? —he asks, his fast breathing making his words sound shaky still— No, this was just the starter so you stop teasing me while I drive. I think you've had enough fun these two weeks. It's my turn.

The hand on my chin falls on my thigh, clapping it while he licks the same fingers that made me explode in a matter of seconds. And just after that, he kisses me deep, letting me taste myself in his mouth while he places my underwear properly, just to do the same thing with his own clothes right after.

He pulls me in for a long kiss once we enter the lift, grabbing me by the nape to get my body to be all over his. When Jungkook wraps his arms around me, I'm almost convinced I could stay like this forever. Well, at least until the ring in the lift sounds.

I see myself in the reflection of the mirror when we separate, and he holds my hand to walk out with me, just to see a reddish march on my shoulder.

—You, asshole, look at what you did.

—Should I kiss it better? —he raises his eyebrows, looking at me fast before he opens the door to his house.

I take off my shoes and his jacket as we enter his place, trying to get more comfortable while he heads to the kitchen and asks me what I want to drink.

—You.

And just as fast as that word leaves my mouth, and I see his head peeking over the door, I realize it sounded better in my head.

—Me? You want to drink me? —he starts walking in my direction.

—I was trying to sound flirty.

I see him chuckling, looking at me with sparkly eyes, just to lift my body and sitting me over the backrest right after. His soft and gentle hands go over my calves, going up to my thighs, lifting the thin fabric of my dress with no effort.

—You don't need to be flirty with me —he whispers on my lips—. You already got me wrapped around your finger.

Jungkook gets rid of my dress, throwing it over my shoulder on the couch, just to have both of his hands back on my thighs, just to start a trip over my body. He smirks when he gets to my black lace thong.

I did end up wearing the set of lingerie I sent him earlier this afternoon, at least half of it, although he wasn't able to appreciate it because we were in a rush just a few minutes ago. And now that he's able to see it on me directly, he looks at me with black tinted eyes, I can almost read everything that's going through his mind right now.

His hands keep moving up over my torso, his fingers setting a burning trail in between my tits until he gets to my jaw. They wrap around my skin carefully, holding my face before he kisses me the softest way he's ever done. I trace his lip with the tip of my tongue, only because I wanted to lick that lip ring that makes me go insane. He chuckles in my mouth, breaking the kiss just to move his over my cheek and jaw.

—You have no idea the pull you have on me —Jungkook keeps moving lower on me, following the trail of the caresses from minutes ago—. I've gone crazy these last two weeks.

I stop breathing when he starts kneeling in front of me, stopping his mouth on my thong. As if I were reading his mind, I lift my hips, supporting my weight on both hands resting on the backrest. And I'm unable to deal with the feeling that goes through my body, from head to toe, when his teeth bite on my mound, just right over where my slit starts, to pull the fabric down. But of course he isn't done with pushing me over the edge. When he finally gets rid of the only clothing I had left, he goes up again, setting a trail of kisses from my ankle, up to my leg and inner thigh, always keeping eye contact with me.

My pussy clenches around nothing when he places both of my legs on his shoulders, and bends over just to give a teasing lick on my clit. It's crazy how he's setting my whole body on fire just with that, just with the feeling of his tongue gently digging through my folds while his gaze burns my skin.

He doesn't stay down there long enough though. His lips move up my torso again, while his hand cups my pussy instead. His palm rubs my clit, while two of his fingers tease my entrance, and his tongue circles one of my nipples -just to do the right same thing with the other.

—What do you want? —he asks, when he returns to my lips.

My eyelids feel heavy and that hard gaze coming from him is making me go insane. I want him, all of him. Absolutely everything Jungkook wants to give me right now.

—Fuck me —I trace his tattoos with the tips of my fingers—. Make me regret these two weeks.

Not like I'd really regret them, because i'd do it a thousand times just to have us like this again.

Jungkook just smirks. Of course he already had that in mind. He takes a condom from his wallet, and holds it in between his teeth while he takes his black t-shirt off. Eager to rush this as much as possible, I take his belt off and unzip his pants, making him spring free. He wastes no time wrapping the condom around him.

He slides inside with just one move, head resting on mine while his hands keep me in place. He pulls back slowly, letting me feel him inch by inch, until only his tip is inside. His dick fills me completely with a hard thrust that makes me hold onto his upper arms, while my clit throbs at the mere sound of our bodies clapping.

—Keep your eyes on me —he commands, as he starts a faster pace on my pussy.

—Kook —I moan, as he moves my body so his tip can rub over one spot that totally breaks me.

—Look at you right now —he breathes heavily—. Such a fucking mess for me.

My whole body moves because of the roughness of his thrusts, my mind is going wild and my body has escaped my own control. I don't even know at this point, because I can only see his eyes, my mind is filled with him.

He knows by the way I'm moaning right now that I'm just a dirty word away from jumping off a cliff. And he wants to see me jumping from the edge, he wants it as much as I do. That's why he rubs my clit in circles, in sync with his thrusts.

I know looking down was the worst decision I could ever take, because the combination of his cock coated with my juices and his fingers playing with me make me go insane.

—Uh-huh, see how good this pussy is taking me.

I cup his face in my hands, looking at him deep in the eyes when I get that familiar feeling before everything ends, running over me to leave nothing else. My nails dig on the skin of his neck and shoulders, letting myself go with a moan that I'm surprised it has come out from me.

Jungkook isn't done though. His dick still deep inside me, and that dark look just tell me there's much to come yet.

He lifts me in the air, my legs wrapped around his waist, after he got rid of his pants that were still around his ankles. Something changes in the way he looks at me, as he sets me on his bed carefully, just to join me right after. His touch, the kiss... everything feels different. He's gone from rough to passionate in a matter of seconds.

He fucks me slowly, taking his time to enjoy every single stroke, every kiss, every look.

—I can't stand thinking of others seeing you like this —he admits, breaking the kiss—. I want to be the only one making you go crazy with my hands, my mouth, my cock. I don't care —he bites my chin—. But I want to be the only one.

The tickles in my belly, combined with the pleasure, is a way better combination that something else I could've ever tried. And how he holds me, our hands intertwined at both sides of my head... He's the only person I could ever think of doing this with.

[invisiblegarters]

Be My Favorite Ep 11

Last Week: Pear was too decent for anyone in this show, Kwan finally figured out Not is the worst, Kawi and Pisaeng did the do.

This week: my frustration with tumblr is reaching a boiling point, I don't know why I'm even bothering with this when literally no one will even see it. But I truck on because at this point it's habit.

Joy.

Oh interesting, parent meeting about the kiddos. I wonder sometimes if the reason that PIsaeng and Pear were getting married in an alt timeline (at least one of them) is because of these two, but at least in the current one they both seem fairly willing to let their kids be.

And once again, Pear is way nicer than I would be. Mom was selfish. The end. I do get feeling trapped by a life you don't want, but did she not make the decision to be married and have a child? And then she made that child suffer so that she could go off and achieve her dreams, and then had the gall to thank her, to not apologize or appear to feel any remorse for just exiting her life.

But.

But it's probably better for Pear in the long run if she can let go of the bitterness. So for her sake, I'm glad.

Kwan just delete those pics and move on, babe. Not's not worth all this.

So I guess they were going for nerves last week. Clumsily done. So tired of the blushing maiden thing in general, honestly. Can we please retire it forever along with the crazy ex faen trope? Can we please, please, please stop sending the message that one person in the relationship has to be shy and reserved and scared of sex while the other pushes them forward? It's so fucking detrimental, and it just feeds into this idea that to be a "good" girl (or the bottom in BL, because it's always the bottom isn't it? sigh) you can't actually desire sex, can't want it, or you can want it but you also have to pretend not to because good girls don't (but I do). And I'm so so tired of it. SO tired. People have enough hang ups about sex all on their own without media reinforcing this bullshit.

Last week I said that I would hesitantly trust this show with an asexual storyline. I want to take that back now. My trust is revoked, you couldn't handle it properly, show. There's literally nothing wrong with being hesitant about sleeping with someone for the first time (or not wanting to sleep with anyone at all), but there's a way to do it and this show...did not.

Well that theory that the old man is future!Kawi is certainly looking more correct. How else would he know to show up and scold him.

I know how you can get rich, Kawi. Be Pisaeng's sugar baby.

Okay sir, hush your face about in-depth analysis. I am feeling very called out right now.

Yesss thank you dude. It's like with dad. Kawi couldn't prevent his death because he was always going to go. Dad's death is a fixed point. But what Kawi could do - what he finally did do - was fix his relationship with him. He opened up, he told his dad he loves him, he did the work.

Alrighty so we're flashbacking through the rest of college now? This is weird, especially after going through everything else so slowly (if they fast fowarded through a Not redemption I will throw the most massive fit (and for once be glad for this stupid shadowban, since then no one will see the massive tantrum)). If you've done all you meant to why are you not going back to the future (heh) Kawi?

Why is he still asking this question?

And now we're montaging through living together. This ep is turning into the Oprah of montages - and you get a montage! And you get a montage. This makes me more certain than ever that Pisaeng has been doing his own time traveling. The domesticity is cute though.

Pear and Kwan arrived to Christmas together! Still shipping it even though I know it won't come true. Sigh. At least Not isn't at the table. For a hot second I thought he was, that Pear was hugging him, and I almost lost it. But nope, it was Kawi lol. I was about to throw down with this show.

Do NOT test me show I am not in the mood.

Fifteenth time's the charm, eh, Pearmei? Granted it's not like you know that since you don't remember all the timelines, but still.

Me the second I see Pisaeng pulling out those pills: are they gonna kill him off? Would they do that?

Why is this where my brain goes? I mean, it was instant. Just, BOOM are they killing Pisaeng.

Ah, the good old wipe them down when they're sick trope. Good times.

"Do you think I'll die?" Pffft, me and Pisaeng are on the same wavelength. But also maybe don't tease Kawi like that the dude has several issues around his loved ones dying okay. Don't make him pull out that music box, Pisaeng.

HAHAHA is that the first grey hair oh noooo! Fun fact: my sis found her first one when she was like 22. She was not best pleased.

Oh no all this joking about Pisaeng dying but is it going to be Kawi instead? And why do I keep expecting death? People get ill, self.

Ugh, yes, the harsh realities of having no rights regarding the partner you've lived with for years - rights that would be given by default to a straight couple. God I hate it, but I'm happy to see this drum being banged. Because it should be.

Poor Pisaeng. So maybe he didn't travel in time before, but he sure as hell is going to now, because I think Kawi is actually going to die. Or Pisaeng is going to be so terrified of it happening that he can't help himself. But to change it or to make sure it never happens by cutting himself off from Kawi before it can? And then staying in the closet, going abroad, marrying Pear?

Because I truly think that he'd lock them all into a shitty future just to save Kawi's life.

Well at least he tells Kawi what happened.

Have to say, the end part saved this ep for me. I don't know if it's just that I'm already kind of pissed off (thanks tumblr!) or if this ep just started off rough, but I was not feeling it at the beginning. I really want to like this show all the way through. Please don't screw it up in the final hour. Please.

[1dgossip]

That repost doesn’t have to be about Louis tho, the caption is “I miss my future family” so who knows…I agree that we can’t go on one moment and say “oh she doesn’t like him that much” idk…I just hope she’s not only using him for money and fame because that would be sad. And idk why I felt very weird toward her in that pics, maybe it’s my gut telling me something but maybe not 🤷🏻‍♀️

About the paps - who knows tbh, the paps 1000% made good money on these pics because the Sun an Daily Mail were very interested in them but also celebs often call the paps so who knows, maybe the stuff in Soho called the paps or maybe they called the paps on themselves (Louis, probably, I doubt Zara and her team has connections with the paps in LA) because they wanted to go public. See, I have so many questions, I’d love to be a fly on a wall or have a drink with Zara, I bet she would’ve spilled sm tea 🤭

We've all been in a new relationship or had a new crush and our world view becomes clouded by that relationship and is filtered through that lens. I'm like 95% certain she reposted that with Louis in mind.

I hope she isn't using him either. Despite what some l*uies think I do care about him and don't want him to be used... But at the same time this is the bed he's made for himself and so I'm just here to see it all play out. My gut has been all over the place with Louara tbh. At my core the only thing I really know is it's not gonna last.

I've been trying to keep myself in check and even did a ChatGPT reading on myself on why I even care about that relationship to begin with and ChatGPT told me I was bored and that I see parts of myself reflected in L0u and his relationships and it's probably right. Unconsciously I have to relate to him on some level because even though I've been critical (this is not new behavior for me! Even when I was a lil0 back in 2015 I had l*uies in my inbox mad at me for saying any small negative thing about him 🙄) of him since the band I still found myself caring a little bit about his relationships. It's weird. Maybe right now I'm just jealous that he's in a relationship and I'm not. Anyway as you can see I think about these things and try to be self-aware and come here with nuance and not just be running my mouth and embarrassing myself. Although I'm still gonna say any opinions I actually believe. (And I'm allowed to change my opinion over time as well through discussion and everything.)

On the baseline I particularly don't really feel weird about Z*ra. Like I said when I watched an episode of Love 🏝️ I found myself liking her. But then when I looked through her Tik Tok and some of her recent interviews I get a different vibe than from back then. I just think any weirdness I feel is because she's a social climber and I found myself wondering why he would date someone like that but then I remembered that El is an influencer too. I think he likes influencer types on some type of level.

Anyway this is getting long. I think Z*ra seems cool outside of all of this and would be fun to chat with about everything too. I did watch this reading yesterday and the reader kinda gave a vibe that she thinks the person he's currently with is one of his soulmates but is also potentially using him and making way for another one of his soulmates to come in. Which is crazy bc the way she described him meeting this next person is what I've been saying: it'll be someone he meets through work that might they might be behind the scenes in music

[onmymasa22]

I had a convo with a friend this week about art. She likes art where she gives some

I wasnt prepared for such a sucky conversation. Thats what made me crazy.

None of was telling me i wasnt good.

I can start working at 5 today and still be ok. I can collect myself until 5. This was such a hard conversation to have. Am i good. Yes im good. I was overwhelmed. But im ok. I am a good artist. This conversation sucked. And it ended. Thats it. Do u want to shrivel into a ball. Yes. Ok. So shrivel. Be emotional and make shells. That convo was a lot on sn empty stomach. Have coffee

Then eat lunch

Then take a shower and get over the convo, shave, epilate, do all the things. Put on the thing to shower. Have eggs and tuna and malawach

. Is what i did enough. And then the feeling of- no its enough which goes straight into u r not enough. Because u put urself on a place. Ur time ur thought while working. Its al in there. And all u want it to b is enough. And then ur told its not enough. And oh my gosh. Whst a feeling that is. A very very humbling conversation thst took me a little bit off guard. And it wasnt meant to destroy me. And at the end they said -kol hakavod. As if every artist needs to make it through this convo to build tougher and tougher skin. And good for u that u took it like an adult.

When u had a high anxiety day plus u took ur meds and its 11pm and the last time u had anything but coffee was lunch yesterday and u freak out that a noise u hear in the kitchen it some kind of bug but u remember 2 later that

Its really a normal human fear to not be enough. Like one of my biggest fears. Am i enough. And when ur in artschool making art that u take so personally, ur constantly questioning is what i did enough. And theres no real answer to that. But when someone tells u that its not enough, u automatically feel like theyre saying u r not enough. Thats why ur constantly building elephant skin. Whether they tell that what u spent hours on looks pediatric. Or that u need to make more or bigger for it to be something. Cuz right now, its not enough. Its people looking at it and saying "ok, and...?" and u listen to feedback and u smile and shut up so u dont fall apart. But in the end, man its humbling and its excruciatingly painful for one of ur biggest fears to not be enough, and then thats what ur told. And u process slowly. U have an anxious day. And maybe you'll cry. Maybe you'll cry the next day. And what keeps u going, even when ur body is tense and ur naucious, is that this is the process. And u need to hear it. Over and over again. Ur lesson plan isnt good enough. Ur art isnt wow enough. Ur music isnt orginal enough. Ur bits arent funny enough. Ur writing isnt edited enough. Making it through those conversations alive r as important as excelling at ur work. And everyone wows u. And everyone claps for u. And ur on top of the world. If u can get through both, ur gonna be alright.

I havent plaid guitar. Abd its not like its in a case or i have to get the capo out. The capo is on fret 2. Waiting for me.

Honestly making it through school is such a team effort- from sharing testsn or if ur in the country taking them together, having a chabadnikit take ur test for u on chassidus, to giving ur friend pics for an exhibit shes supposed to do a wrote up on so she doesnt have to go out in the cold, to using ai to help with wroting a conclusion cuz u suck at em, to sharing art supplies, to eating eachothers food,

I had a convo with a friend this week on how intimacy meets art. She likes this new wave of Instagramable art thats filled with installations and lightshows. A platform for people to enter it. And i was like, its a shame tho if ur using this to stay in ur comfort zone. Where u dont want something to get so personal so u branch out to have other people involved somehow, discussing about them. Sometimes thats why ppl are drawn to photography- the camera is facing others, not themselves. Their eyes are closed in pictures or they are facing away so the viewer cant really see them. But theres also something beautiful about art when its raw and intimate. Its like certain poetry, certain voices, certain kinds of choreography, certain melodies of an instrument, certain art. Where u know that someone put their heart on a plate for u to witness and hopefully appreciate. For u to really see them. And its scary as fuck. But as artists, who are we if we dont show ourselves. If we let others into our mind and look around a bit, they can still stay strangers, but maybe they'll leave a note that will impact the way we see ourselves. Because honestly i came to the conclusion that an art degree, unlike other degrees, is really a degree in learning who u r, what u think and how u feel about things.

I was talking to a friend

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Not My Daddy

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan Walker

My week has sucked... I got poked, prodded and sucked 'not the good kind' on Monday morning which left me six hours of a very long afternoon to try to get caught up... I failed.

Tuesday was such a clusterfuck of suck 'also the bad kind' that I don't even want to think about it.

The highlight was Jesse, my head of accounting, giving his notice.

At least he won't be hitting on me anymore even though it means I have to go through the hiring process again.

With what time? I need to clone myself.

I almost made it to Emmett's last night but ended up staying very late and doing a conference call with Taiwan that started at eight pm.

The fact is that I put some things off last week in order to spend more time with him and this week, they bit me in the ass 'again, not fun'.

But today, today I'm going to see Emmett come hell or high water.

I've already told Megan I'm leaving and that she should too and I'm currently setting my phone to go directly to voicemail... Done.

I almost forget my bag but ten minutes later I've said my good-byes, told two people I met on the way out of the building that I will talk to them tomorrow and managed to make it to my car.

Closing the door feels like I just got away with something and maybe I did.

I should stay another hour but I'm mentally fried. There aren't any parking spaces, someone must be having a party or funeral.

I park two blocks away and regret not texting Emmett as soon as I get out of my car.

I will be fine... Positive thinking.

I make it to Emmett's gate without incident and Mrs. Lewis gives me a small wave.

"Hello ma'am."

I step inside, drop my bag, slip out of my jacket which I hang on the peg and then freeze.

Emmett is... Emmett is... his hair.

I mean it's mostly his beard but that's hair too, really.

I mean, WHAT?

"Emmett. You..."

He strokes his smooth chin.

"Didn't I tell you? Yeah, a couple of days ago."

I'm staring but I can't help it.

"What? I showed you a pic, you said you liked my face."

"I... I do."

He's right, he warned me when we first met that he shaves for the summer.

I guess I just didn't realize how disarming it would be.

I have no idea why I'm upset, I shouldn't be.

He does look good, hell he is maybe even hotter now although I'm not sure how that's possible. It's just...

"So what is it? Need a few minutes to adjust?"

He closes the distance between us and takes off my tie, then starts unbuttoning my shirt while I just stand there.

Maybe I'm in shock.

Maybe it's just my crappy, busy week and the fact that I thought everything would be better and easy once I got here and it's not, somehow.

It should be, it's just hair but everything is wrong, too.

"Finnegan?"

I try to look up at him but can't.

I kick my shoes off and find myself pouting, boo-boo lip in full effect.

He puts a finger under my chin and I lift my head but stare off to the side.

"What's wrong?"

"I missed you," I mumble.

"And I've missed you."

But now he's not him, somehow, now he...

"You don't look like my Emmett."

I hate the words, hate how desperate and whiny they are but they're the only ones I have to try to describe the craziness going on in my head right now.

"Oh," he says gently, pulling me into a hug.

"I see. Well, Finn, do I sound like daddy?"

He does, even with my head nuzzled into his neck he does.

"Yes."

He maneuvers around and kisses me gently, then lets me hide again.

"Do I kiss like your Emmett?"

"Hmm." 

I've missed kissing him... a lot.. it's been too long.

"I promise that I still taste like daddy, too but you'll have to wait until the morning, my baby boy."

He pulls me tighter against him.

"Do I feel like your Emmett?"

God he does, yes.

"Yes and you smell like him too."

"That's right, that's right. And guess what? I can still take care of you, too. In lots of ways, Finn. You'll be okay, just trust me but I'm proud of you for telling me what's bothering you."

It was hard to admit that I was so upset by something so stupid.

"I know it's stupid, I'm sorry."

"It's not stupid, we're both new to this and I didn't realize it would bother you. I learned something today. Now, are you hungry?"

I am, I'm absolutely starving but I'm not sure if I need him or food most.

"Yes."

"I want you to get out of those pants and then I'll be right back to kiss you properly, all right? I was gonna ask you about this later but maybe it'll cheer you up. What do you think about going to the Zoo on Saturday? Does that sound like fun?"

The Zoo? In as much little space as I can manage?

"Yes."

I throw my arms around his neck and hug him.

"I love animals. I didn't know there was a Zoo here."

"The Baltimore Zoo is really nice but if you want to make a whole day of it we can go to D.C. They have pandas. It's huge though and honestly I prefer the Baltimore zoo since you can walk it without dying but I'll leave it up to you to decide."

Decisions, decisions.

"If we do the smaller zoo does that mean we'd have time and energy to play after?"

"Yes it does, Finn. I'd have lots and lots of time to play with you. I have something new I want to show you, would you like that?"

Well that more than answers THAT question.

"I think so, daddy. It's going to be a great day, I can't wait."

"Good, I can't either. Do you feel better now?"

"I do, thank you Em. Sorry I was so sad."

"Don't worry about it, darling. I'm going to go work on dinner, you can get comfortable."

"Okay."

I spend the rest of the evening deep in little space.

We have an amazing dinner and afterwards I build my Lego car and play with Marten.

He tucks me into bed and then reads me two chapters of Percy Jackson because he says I deserve it... It's bliss.

The next morning I wake up as I'm being rolled onto my stomach.

Emmett yanks down my undies and uses a knee to spread my legs.

I am instantly, a hundred thousand percent turned on.

"Shhh, I know you want to choke on daddy's cock but I have a present for you first. Would you like a toy, Finn?"

Oh, he's going to, oh.

"Yes Sir."

"Relax, here you go."

The lube is chilly but the toy, whatever it is, isn't that big and slides in easily. 

I'm not sure why him pulling back up my undies is so invasive or wonderful but it is.

"Such a good boy. That's it. Ready?"

"Yes Em. That feels good."

He turns on the vibrations and I'm glad he's holding me down because I jump at the sudden stimulation.

"Oh."

"There you go, that's what you get for being such a good little cocksucker. Now get down there, I know you want it."

I do and he rolls onto his side and so do I, slinking below the covers.

God my ass feels amazing, how have I never used a vibrator before?

I can feel it the whole way in my balls.

I want him to be rough because I won't last long and I want to come while I'm choking on my breakfast.

"Teach me master."

That should do it and it does.

He pushes in deep, pinning me against the bed as he fucks my face with abandon.

"That's it, fuck yes Finn, take it."

He's moaning and muttering under his breath as he fists my hair, every ounce of the sweet, considerate daddy from last night now funneled into something much different yet just as good and desperately needed

"I've been saving up for you for days... knew you'd need it.... Gonna flood your mouth.. choke you with it, babe... are you ready?"

I am but I'm not and true to his word I gag and sputter, my own balls erupting as he shoots deep down my throat.

Maybe I'll make it through the day now, I feel ready.

[lifeprotologism]

I thought I had it all. A person who loved me, my son and a soon to be future together as a family. I felt complete and content with what little I had, I wanted nothing more, nothing less.

It didn’t take minute to shatter all that and when it did, I was broken. I didn’t even know heart break was this painful. I fell apart and it’s taken me years to recover. I felt physically ill everytime I was alone. I survived to during the day and focused on work cos I had bills to pay! I would walk to pick my son up and put on the brightest smile when I hugged him. For that brief moment, I felt calm. I chatted all the way home, holding his tiny hands with mine and made sure he could never see me in pain. But when slept and I found that time to be alone, I howled like it was death!

I didn’t know I could love someone so much that they would become my last. No one matters and I have lost all interest. I hit a new low every week and this went on for years! Years!!! Who griefs for this long without any hope??? I used to lock myself in my room and spend my entire weekend crying …I don’t know when the tears cried or when I dozed off. I was in constant pain and I could not imagine moving on. I didn’t want to and I didn’t need to. I felt I would go crazy cos nothing in this world mattered. So many times, I wanted to end all the pain I was feeling, cos I just could no longer continue. But somehow I pulled through.

I cannot fathom the years it’s taken me. This year, she told me she loved me. I had mixed feelings about it. Somewhere deep down, I couldn’t believe it and maybe I didn’t want to. There was intermittent connection and she didn’t know my struggle. I wasn’t over the first hurt to get involved again. I just cannot do that to my heart.

My heart did break again and I realised at that point that it never healed, not even a fraction of it healed. I had scheduled system to manage the pain. I sadly got used to it that it now became a part of me.

I know you fall in love so many times but when I fell in love with her, I knew I could never again. This was it for me. I’ve broken up with her 7 years this day but my love has remained the same. She doesn’t deserve it. She left me hanging at a time I most needed her. There are stories about me she’s made which disgusts me. And yet, I love her. I expected nothing, I asked for nothing except for her time. There was our entire relationship and it meant nothing to her!

I recently went home and met her friend. She showed me pics of them on holiday and told me that they are happy, they always were together. I felt so cheated.

I have started to recall the reason for our fights. It was always her. I told her I was going to nz to see my mom and what the conditions were. I had the courage to tell her the truth but maybe in the end, I didn’t feel safe and lied again. I remembered her leaving me at the bus stop in india and telling me to go! I remembered how abusive she was that day! And I remembered why we fought - she was texting her. I’ve started to recall why I needed to go see my mom. I needed grounding - I was lost and I accepted her decision. Today, I can still visit my mom, and that’s important.

In hindsight, nothing matters. My heart remains so broken. I don’t think it will ever heal, it’s no longer capable of love and I have started to feel that ending all this is the only solution. This darkness has once again consumed me.

[hatredinmysoul]

“in my head, i play a supercut of us. all the magic we gave off, all the love we had and lost”

in your car, the radio up, we keep tryin' to talk about us. i'm someone, you may be my love.

i'll be your quiet afternoon crush, be your violent overnight rush, make you crazy over my touch, but it's just a supercut of us.

so i fall into continents and cars, all the stages and the stars. i turn all of it to just a supercut.

cause in my head, i do everything right. when you call, i'll forgive and not fight.

because ours are the moments i play in the dark, we were wild and fluorescent

come home to my heart.

supercut by lorde