#that keeps each generation deep in the internets worst effects

[sounds-like-moss]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Kids need more options. More freedom. Regardless of if parents tracking is a factor. Yes tracking is a part of it and being able to mess up or make choices your parents aren't happy with is also a part...but like. Even without, offline is less and less an option. At least an appealing one or one that seems real and viable. I saw it happening and I'm sure it's fucking worse now. Organizing seems like a pipe dream or at least something hard when you're a minor, don't have access, and physically are not somewhere you can see enough options to realize they DO in fact exist. So they sit there at this weird ass combo of aware and so out of touch at the same time. Like the world is a stage and they don't see the stage left exit. It's observe and be observed, performing all the time in this scripted stilted way but like what else is there? It's there. But it might as well be set design or a character archetype. Put on. Never off. It makes living seem mundane at best and alien/impossible at worst. I worry for them. Cults try hard...but the Government tries harder.

I should know, in my personal experience they're one in the fucking same. And they're at their worst when you're isolated and blind to the options

here's my hot take about my generation and people younger than me (I'm 22 years old)

The reason current teenagers and people in their really early 20s are conservative on accident and have such shitty takes on the internet is because our generation was much more sheltered than previous generations and because we were raised to be ok with orwellian servailence and that is 100% the fault of our parents, Reagan Era kidnapping panics, and the rise of technology all coming together to prevent us from doing the sketchy shit that sends parents into panic mode but which is also completely fundemental to childhood development. If your parents had even a crumb of money to their name and even a shred of free time they started tracking your phone as soon as it was possible to. I did not experience this because my parents are actively trying to live like it's the 1990s and still have not gotten cell phones of their own, and did not let me have one until I was 18 years old and it was no longer their choice, but literally over half of my friends in middle and high school had their phones tracked by their parents at some point or other, and we would occasionally find this out, not because their parents told them, but when we were trying to do the aforementioned sketchy shit and their parent's car would pull up. And I would, like a reasonable person after finding this out, encourage my friends to just leave their phones at home, and their response would be "What if I get kidnapped" or "My parents are just trying to keep me safe"

This in my estimation has lead to a combination of kids being terminally online because they do have internet access and are better at deleting search history than their parents think they are, but don't have the freedom to go out and do shit without their parents' knowledge or consent, so they have the most privacy from the people who control their lives while they're on the internet, and kids not having the real world experiences they should have, not knowing how to connect with other people irl, not feeling comfortable leaving the house because of the horror story lies their parents told them to make them ok with the surveillance they were inflicting on their kids. Kids these days are growing up in the fucking panopticon when they should be out in the woods playing with knives or stealing cigarettes from their older sibling and going out to an empty parking lot to smoke them or whatever and that shit is sticking with them into adulthood. Things that were "tee hee we could get in trouble isn't this so fun and daring" in the 1990s and 2000s have become in the 2010s and 2020s things that are "If I do that without texting my parents some sort of lie to excuse where my location is my parent's car will pull up and I will get grounded for the next two weeks."

Like even when I was 19 I had a 16 year old friend who would volunteer their time at a food shelf and that's how we knew each other. We would talk about dungeons and dragons together, and the game store was 4 blocks from the food shelf. One day we left the food shelf earlier than they had told their parents they would and they got punished for that. We were literally just going to look at dungeons and dragons miniatures and dice, which was self evident if you could see where we started and how far we walked and where too. I have to assume that this isn't uncommon. It's wrong, but it's not uncommon.

[jeminy3]

old archie x maxie (hardenshipping) doodles i never posted, from 2017 or 2018. they were related to some of the doodles in this post.

I have a lot of unpublished drawings of these guys, and i never did elaborate on my headcanons for them. The truth is, I was (and still kinda am) very anxious and embarrassed about this fixation, probably because it centers around villains and “woobifies” them, but also because after playing and researching more into ORAS, i discovered that my personal canon was contradicted by actual canon and i felt invalidated.

For the sake of posterity, I’ll summarize my old headcanons below. (It’s still pretty long, ugh)

A grunt in Team Magma’s hideout says that Archie and Maxie “used to be on the same team.” In canon, this probably implies that they worked together on New Mauville, Sea Mauville, or another unnamed project, depending on how old they are and how long ago those projects started and ended.

However, like many other fans, I thought this meant they used to be in Team Rocket together, and I elaborated an entire backstory based on that:

+ Maxie and Archie were part of a group of Rocket recruits attempting to start a branch of Team Rocket in the Hoenn Region. The project failed because soon after they arrived, Giovanni was defeated in Kanto and officially dissolved Team Rocket, causing a schism to form within the Hoenn team over whether to give up the project or not. This eventually lead to the team splintering into two factions, one lead by Maxie and the other lead by Archie, which eventually grew and rebranded themselves into Team Magma and Team Aqua.

-Maxie and Archie met and connected enough to start dating, though they were emotionally dysfunctional. As problems arose and the Team began to splinter, their relationship also broke down and their separation was very messy.

Maxie clung to the ambition of staying in Hoenn and building up the Team as a paragon of human industry, pushing away Archie and anyone else he deemed as “not useful.”

Archie also wanted to make the Team work, but not in the way Maxie and his side wanted, at the expense of nature. Archie felt hurt and betrayed as Maxie pushed him away and disagreed with him, making him contradict and lash out at Maxie even more.

This all culminated in a huge fight between Archie and Maxie and their respective sides, involving both Pokemon battling and actual fist-fighting. Local authorities were called in, causing the teams to scatter, but not before Archie and Maxie promised to face each other again, reforging themselves as bitter rivals.

-- Maxie

+ Maxie is (the pokemon equivalent of) German/Japanese, and was born on Cinnabar Island. His birth name was Maximillian Matsubasa Von Brandt, but he prefers simply “Maxie”. He IDs as bigender, asexual and demi-homoromantic.

His father is a Kanto businessman named Masaru Matsubasa. His mother is from somewhere in or near Kalos, named Melissa Von Brandt. They were both wealthy and successful business people who frequently left on business trips, Masaru travelling between Kanto and Johto and Melissa to her home country.

Maxie was often left alone or with a nanny at home. He was well-provided for and self-sufficient, but he was lonely and emotionally stunted. He had a passion for geology and engineering, and showed interest in contributing to helping Cinnabar’s local issues, which were often tense because of the limited land space. Homelessness and unemployment were high, and development plans to alleviate these were stymied by parties who lobbied for the preservation of the local Pokemon wildlife by any means.

Maxie’s parents were skeptical of his choice in career but still supported him, if only half-heartedly. This lead Maxie to study Cinnabar’s volcano, which he found to be very much active and possibly dangerous. He developed a plan to build in and around the volcano in such a way that it would utilize extra space inside the mountain for housing/businesses and its magma for natural energy to power the city, possibly circumventing its eventual eruption.

He presented this plan to Cinnabar’s city council, but was practically laughed out of the meeting for such an ambitious and dangerous idea, especially by the wildlife parties. This damaged his reputation and caused him to be fired/demoted from his job. His parents reprimanded him, regretting their decision to support him.

Lost and disgusted with his life, Maxie found recruitment with Team Rocket and left Cinnabar to join their efforts on the mainland. When he presented his research to their higher-ups, they were impressed enough to pass it along to Giovanni himself, and Maxie ended up contributing to the construction of some of their underground lairs, like in Celadon City.

This also made him a prime candidate for the Rocket Hoenn project as a lead engineer and scientist, and he joined the project with high hopes.

+ His interest in Pokemon was soured by his past and usually only extends are far as his ambitions, which means he views Pokemon only as things that can be useful to whatever projects he’s working on, otherwise they are a nuisance. After becoming the leader of Team Magma and having to train a personal team to defend himself with, he warms up to Pokemon a bit more.

+ Maxie plays up his confidence and genius, but does have moments of crippling self-doubt and anxiety. Deep down, he’s socially awkward and has trouble expressing his feelings, tending to bottle things up until they spill out in moments of anger.

+ Maxie used to be a semi-heavy smoker in his youth to cope with his anxiety. After becoming the leader of Team Magma, his health was suffering and his grunts were visibly uncomfortable around him, so for the sake of his own health and that of his team, he quit, with help and advice from Courtney and Tabitha.

+ Maxie hates his parents and hasn’t contacted them since he left Cinnabar, which was over ten years ago by the end of ORAS events. He avoids them to the point that he uses a forged identity in Hoenn, named “Maxie Stormfront.” ‘Stormfront’ is a reference from one of his favorite metal bands, the Doom Hounds, because he is a nerd.

+ Years later, Cinnabar’s volcano did erupt and destroy the town, displacing its human population. Maxie has mixed feelings about this – he’s not sure if it’s righteous karma for the City Council rejecting his plans, or a sign that his old plans were doomed to failure and he was better off leaving Cinnabar after all.

-- Archie

+ Archie is (the pokemon equivalent of) Black/Hispanic and a Hoenn native. His birth name is Archibald Rodriguez. He IDs as a cis man (or trans?), pansexual and panromantic.

He was born to his father, Alexander Rodriguez and his mother, Alicia Fuentes (Rodriguez after marriage) in a small fishing town on one of Hoenn’s coasts, with its fishery being its only major industry. Most of its residents are middle-class or poor, and few members pursue an education after high school, usually joining the local fishing industry.

In his youth, Archie didn’t care much for school or work, preferring to spend his days playing with the local water Pokemon and his friends, Matt and Shelly. However, this exposed him to the effects that overfishing and pollution had on the local wildlife, and he eventually grew to want to pursue a career as a Veterinarian, specifically for water pokemon.

His parents didn’t believe he would be successful and his town had few resources to help him. The most he could do was research at the local library and a then-primitive internet.

Worse, his town was outright apathetic to the damage their industry was causing to the local wildlife because they depended on its capital to survive.

+A possible traumatic memory involves a young Archie nursing a sick Magikarp back to health for weeks, only to later discover it trapped in the nets of the fishery his father worked at, doomed to become food/products. When he attempted to cut the nets and save the Magikarp, his father restrained him and reprimanded him, claiming “it’s just a fish, boy! They’re all just stupid fish!”

Eventually, Archie was a depressed drifter in his 20s, unable to hold onto work and unable to afford to leave to a larger city. He often fought with his abrasive father and his mother was coddling, but unsupportive. This made Archie a prime candidate for Team Rocket recruiters as they arrived on Hoenn, promising a way out of his backwater town, decent pay, and a career where he’d be appreciated and be able to work with Pokemon to change the world.  He joined as a lowly Grunt, but was talented and well-respected within the Team.

-Archie has limited contact with his parents since he left home, only calling them once a year or so.

-Archie doesn’t like being referred to as his full name, it feels pretentious and brings back uncomfortable memories of his family.

+I used to headcanon Archie and Matt as biological brothers because of the “bro” thing, but I’m not sure about keeping that. If so, Matt’s name would be short for Matthias Rodriguez, because their parents liked pretentious names.

-Like some of his dialog implies, Archie is kind of depressed, pessimistic and cynical deep down, but hides it behind his boisterous, reckless attitude. At his worst, he’s downright bitter, uncaring of his own life or the lives of humanity in general, in favor of Pokemon.

[faulty-writes]

Warning: Blood mention, Injury mention, Spoilers from Manga. 

Fandom: My Hero Academia 

Characters: All For One, All Might!Daughter Reader, Toshinori Yagi, Izuku Midoriya. 

Word Count:  12,069

[ I present to you the long awaited part two of the All For One request. The first part is located here. I know there was an ask that I had received that requested a part two. I have no idea what happened to it. But, regardless. I hope you enjoy, I also hope the length makes up for the long wait. As usual, please excuse any spelling errors. ] 

[ It’s been over a year since you agreed to become All For One’s successor. Your disappearance baffled those you used to hold dear, including your classmates and your father. However, under All For One’s guidance. You learned to channel all your hatred into one goal. Though wanting to kill Izuku Midoriya and your father seems a tad irrational. Your mind is too far gone to believe otherwise. The destruction that follows would prove to be one that hero society wasn’t prepared for. ] 

The story of the missing UA student went viral almost overnight, there were several internet articles, even theories revolving around your sudden disappearance. Every news station in Japan did some type of report on it, the police were involved in several investigations which caused the UA campus to be littered with authority figures. Each one trying to gather clues that would lead up to a possible explanation for your disappearance. The hospital staff was asked several questions as well, such as when you were brought in, and if anyone had seen you leave.

The records showed you were not released from the hospital, so that led most conspiracy theorists to conclude something like you had been abducted or someone had used their quirk on you which effectively made you vanish from existence. But, the biggest surprise was your father, Toshinori Yagi also known as All Might, expressing his concern for you. However, what shocked the world most was when he revealed that you were his daughter. You found the confession pathetic. Truth be told, it had been over a year since your disappearance and part of you wondered if anyone even thought about you.

If your father felt any remorse knowing he was the cause of your disappearance. Given the pain and anger he had caused you, it was what he deserved. You should have had One For All passed down to you, but no. Your father chose someone so unworthy, so unfitting. Izuku Midoriya was now your sworn enemy and you wanted to see him and your father fall. All For One promised he would assist in your goal. It was almost amusing, your father’s worst enemy helping you. Treating you like an equal, believing in you. Acting more like a father figure than your actual father.

Still, the day after you agreed to become his successor, he introduced you to the League of Villains. You knew they were small in numbers, but you learned rather quickly that Tomura Shigaraki was not to be messed with. His psychotic drive to rule over the hero world and cast it into darkness was scary, but the fact that nothing would stop him from his goal was admirable. It almost inspired you, though when you first met him. He threatened to kill you, especially knowing your connection to All Might. He argued that no purebred hero, one who carried All Might’s DNA, should be deserving of becoming All For One’s successor.

You came to understand that All For One had adopted Tomura when he was a child, apparently, he had no where else to go. He was a lonely orphan and All For One took him under his wing. However, he seemed to know that Tomura desired to go down his own path as opposed to the one All For One laid out for him. Which led him to find someone else that would step into the position and effectively destroy All Might and his successor, Izuku Midoriya. That, someone, happened to be you and he knew you wouldn’t disappoint him. You had also met Dabi, Toga, Twice, and Mr.Compress.

You found Dabi to be rather standoffish while Toga was the exact opposite. It was strange having someone latch onto you and immediately go off about how happy they are to make a new friend. Mr.Compress was more polite than anything, but you got the feeling he didn’t exactly like dealing with kids. Twice was...an interesting character, who immediately treated you like you were a member of the family. But, you didn’t get to spend much time with anyone. All For One took it upon himself to immediately start your training, at first it was simple.

Running trails to assess your current ability, considering your father’s quirk wasn’t genetically passed on. Still, your quirk was impressive nonetheless. You had some extra physical strength and you could momentarily fly if you kicked off the ground hard enough. It wasn’t an aspect of your quirk that you normally used, considering you preferred being on the ground. You had tactical intellect, but you were a little slow when it came to using it in the heat of battle, and that disappointed All For One. Still, he found your skills impressive enough and fairly warned you how intense the training would become.

Warned that even if you were battered and bruised, you had to continue. You had to stand up on your feet again. At first, you thought he was exaggerating, but your assumption was wrong. As the training continued, you were beaten until you were a bloody pulp. All For One insisted it was to better yourself, to make you faster, quicker, sharper. More violent, more determined. You had to give him credit, just as he promised. He would show you more love than your own father, he’d always pull you into his arms after every training session.

No matter how much blood covered your person, he’d run his fingers through your unruly hair and whisper how proud he was of you and once again remind you that you were his successor. That all this pain and training would be worth it in the end. Six months in, All For One introduced you to the miracle that was his quirk. “My young successor, you’ll be more powerful than you know. I will give you a copy of my power when you finally prove yourself to me. For now…” you’d never forget how he reached out and the pain that coursed through your body as soon as his fingers touched your face.

You fell to your knees, clenching your jaw as All For One generously transferred one of his quirks to you. It was almost as though your body couldn’t handle the sudden surge of limited power, you swore you felt your heart stop just before blacking out. All For One seemed most forgiving as he understood the limitations of quirks to one's body, but made it clear he still expected the best from you. It was a strange feeling, possessing another one’s quirk and learning how to use it, what triggers made it click or appear.

You couldn’t help but think back to Izuku, was this the way he felt when your father passed One For All to him? You had to admit, it was a challenge. But, All For One insisted on intensifying your training. Believing that the added stress would quicken your quirk ability. Come 9 months, he bestowed another quirk onto you and he was rather pleased how well you received it. Unlike before, you didn’t blackout. Despite the toll the quirks took on your body, you were more than grateful to All For One and continued down your path as his successor.

Come 12 months, you had mastered your gifted quirks and learned to control them alongside your birth quirk. You knew it was finally time to unleash your anger, you would locate Izuku Midoriya and finally prove to your father just how worthy you were. All For One had gotten you a special outfit just for the occasion, you thought it was strange at first. Seeing as it resembled the suit that he normally wore, the same aspect went for the mask that was a part of the getup as well. The rest of your costume consisted of a long-sleeved shirt, made of a special material that would allow better movement and usage of your quirks.

That same material made up your pants and on your feet were heavy boots which All For One insisted would better keep your balance and cause more damage if you chose to use your kicking power. You took a deep breath, it was funny. You could barely recognize your reflection in the mirror and your mind was busy replaying the past year. Your memories of the first year at UA and the hospital where All For One convinced you to become his successor. You had changed so much since that simple time, not only was your heart blackened. You had physically changed as well, both because of the quirks All For One gave you and his training.

You had gained an impressive amount of muscle and learned how to shut off certain emotions. Despite that, you could hear that small voice in the back of your head ‘Is this the right thing to do?’ you shook your head. Of course it was, this is what you wanted from the very beginning. You nearly gasped when a hand grabbed your shoulder and watched as All For One’s reflection appeared alongside yours. You could tell there was a smile on his face before he leaned down next to your ear, “You look beautiful my successor,” he said before leaning up, you swallowed hard when you felt his hand run through your hair.

The image of your father doing the same popped into your head, and you couldn’t help but close your eyes. “Thank you,” the words were whispered, maybe you were a little anxious for whatever happened next. Still, you turned around, looking at All For One with a determined glance, “What now? I want Izuku Midoriya to fall, you promised you would help me achieve that,” you said with a hiss and your fists tightened as All For One laughed, was he mocking you? “Now, now…” he reached out, once more running his fingers through your hair.

“All in good time, be a good girl and do as I instruct and Izuku Midoriya will fall into your lap,” he promised, knowing that you were growing rather impatient. You had waited for this day, and he was rather eager to watch you cause destruction. In addition to knowing it would cause pain to All Might, which he particularly favored. The only remaining detail was how to get Izuku Midoriya to come to you. There were many ways you could do this, including pretending to be a civilian who needed help and have the unsuspecting hero run after you. Perhaps corner him and pounce. 

But, All For One suggested something a little more traumatizing, you’d reveal yourself to Izuku and the world all at once. After all, the game of cat and mouse was quite entertaining. The well-known fact about luring Izuku to you was that All Might, the former symbol of peace, would no doubt follow. So, you were rather happy knowing there was a chance you’d be able to take both of them out. “Very well, when do we start?” you questioned and watched as All For One smiled, which was something you were more or less used to. He then turned, raising his hand.

You were a tad confused when he motioned you to follow him, but you knew better than to disobey his order. Regardless if it was a verbal command or not. You trailed behind him, exiting the rather gloomy room that had been your bedroom for the last year. You walked down a darkened hallway and the only source of illumination was coming from a nearby elevator that you stepped into with All For One. You remained quiet as he pressed a button and the elevator began going up. You pressed yourself against the nearest wall and almost shyly glanced at the man.

The one who took you in, the one who trained you, the one who was helping you essentially get revenge on the ones that hurt you. Once more you felt your stomach twist and tried to push the small sense of guilt down. No, your father and Izuku deserved this. They deserved it. Your thoughts were shattered when you felt a hand come to rest on the top of your head, you jumped in surprise and All For One chuckled. “Thoughts bothering you again?” he questioned and you parted your lips to answer, but ended up glancing to the side.

“Hm,” he frowned and reached down to grab your chin. You hissed as he forced your head up and wrapped your hand around his wrist. Despite the fact All For One had no eyes, you couldn’t help but widen yours in fear. His grip was menacing and it only reminded you that if he truly wanted, he could easily kill you anytime he pleased. “Do not let guilt rule you, I have taught you better than that. Focus on your goal and only your goal,” he reminded you yet again before releasing your jaw, you could feel your skin lightly throb and partly wondered if he had left bruises.

Yet, small bruises meant nothing in comparison to the numerous injuries you had received throughout your training. When the elevator finally stopped and the doors opened, you followed All For One out and realized you were on the rooftop overlooking part of the city. Though it looked far away and the sun was setting which caused the buildings to illuminate, you could make out the lighted windows and a nostalgic feeling came over you. A powerful gust of wind came and carried your hair with it, oddly enough you recalled a memory.

Yes, you and your father had done this. Though you had to admit, your father was a tad odd and not the brightest when it came to educating children. Still, somehow or another he convinced you to join him on the rooftop of UA, something that you thought was against the rules. But, it was shortly after you had gotten into the hero course. It seemed like a lifetime ago now, but you recalled the way your father smiled and proceeded to tell you to do your best. Your hands curled into fists, that was the only real advice he ever gave you and now he’d be paying for it.

Your best was never good enough for the symbol of peace. You took a deep breath and walked over to the edge of the building, laying your hands on the cold metal railing. All For One remained standing behind you, uncharacteristically quiet. You partly wondered if he was waiting for you to speak or simply enjoying the sunset. Still, you turned to him with narrowed eyes. “When can I finally-” he held his hand up to silence you, “I said to be a good girl, I brought you up here to observe,” you raised your eyebrow and turned back to the distant city.

“Observe what!?” you exclaimed, arms out and hands moving all around as if something interesting would actually happen. All For One chuckled and laid his hand gently on your shoulder, “Look at the city, how quiet it is,” he began. You blinked, “Yeah?” you wondered where he was going with such a statement, “Imagine the chaos that will occur once you bring Izuku Midoriya down, you will be able to take this city. Crush anyone who dares oppose you, this is my gift to you,” he explained as his hand reached up to grab your chin, he was less forceful this time and gently turned your head.

You wore a blank expression as you stared at him. He remained silent except for the smile on his face, “Now,” he released your chin, “enjoy the moments prior to your victory, you start tomorrow,” he said as he turned to walk back to the elevator. Your eyes widened and you quickly spun on your feet, “T-Tomorrow?” you questioned, your voice coming off as clueless and rather shaky. He told you to wait and be patient only to tell you that your plans will be set in motion tomorrow? It didn’t make a lot of sense to you, however, you recalled being taught that villains were dangerous and their radical way of thinking often drove them to the point of madness.

Thus why a hero always had to be careful when facing a potentially dangerous threat, many heroes lost their lives to carelessness and this time, it would be Izuku Midoriya. The thought alone brought a smile to your face and you quickly adjusted your mask before following All For One into the elevator. “Tomorrow,” you whispered as the doors closed behind you. The following night was calm, though you couldn’t help but feel a sense of happiness as you laid in bed. All For One usually checked on you every hour or so.

You recall he did it more when you first agreed to become his successor. You assumed he checked on you to ensure you hadn’t escaped or were trying to. But, after a while, it turned into something that he did out of care and in a way, it helped you sleep. When you woke, you went through your normal morning routine which included getting ready for the day, eating something, and your usual training session which lasted until noon. After that, All For One ordered you to get into your costume which you happily did and once you were ready.

You followed him to the rooftop. “I assume you remember the plan, my successor,” you took a deep breath, the world seemed so still around you. “Mmhm,” you responded with a nod, but your eyes remained focused on the city landscape. A moment of silence filled the air before you climbed onto the railing, perfectly balanced. “Go,” All For One gave the single command and you jumped like a perfect obedient puppy.

But damn, you couldn’t help but feel alive as you descended toward the ground below. The wind whipped through your body like paper, your hair blew everywhere, and yet you felt utterly weightless. As you prepared to land, you angled your body just so and activated one of the quirks, All For One was generous enough to give you Forced Quirk Activation. This caused black jagged limbs to extend from your palm, you also had the option to use your fingers. Normally this quirk was reserved to activate others' quirks against their will, but it could be doubled as a weapon of sorts.

Easily piercing through human flesh, among other things. Either way, it proved useful as it split the pavement below. You clenched your jaw as a small pain radiated through your hand but you ignored it. More than likely, it was a sign that your body was continuing to try and reject your gifted quirks. You knew that a quirk was essentially an evolution of the human race and if you were special, you were gifted with more than one. An example of this was your old classmate, Shoto Todoroki. Ice and fire were his gifts.

His body was capable of handling those quirks while your body was merely a test dummy. But, you didn’t care. The pain was only a reminder of your goal, you focused your attention forward and continued to move. Surely you were noticeable and rather scary as you continued to close the distance between yourself and the city. As one would expect, as soon as civilians saw you overhead, they began screaming. This effectively caught the attention of the authorities, but they weren't worth your time.

Still, it was rather annoying watching as the cops scattered and barked commands into their radios. Your eyes narrowed as you continued down the crowded streets of Tokyo, more jagged limbs grew from your shoulders which gave your palm a rest. You paused a moment and looked at the lines of blood which dripped from your palm and seeped down to your wrist. “Worth it…” you muttered just as a few police cars sped toward you. The glare from their flashing lights irritated your vision.

Did they truly have to make such a scene? You were merely looking for something or rather someone. But, this was the ignorance of the hero world. Even if you were being “innocent”, merely on a stroll. They had to interfere with your business. You narrowed your eyes as one officer stepped forward and through their megaphone commanded you to surrender. You glanced at the pathetic barricade of police cars they had formed, did they truly think such a thing would stop you?

You couldn’t help the chuckle that left your lips and gave a wicked smile, “I’m just looking for someone, but if you’re going to be difficult…” you trailed off and raised your hand. You could feel vibrations course through your fingertips before a powerful air shock wave came. You watched in amusement as the city vibrated, almost like an earthquake. Causing the pavement to crack and the windows of the police cars to shatter violently. The nearby buildings seemed to shake, cracks appearing across their structure and broken windows.

As expected, the display of your power caused a panic. A single scream pierced through the air before civilians began to run to safety. Pushing each other down in an attempt to save their own life, pathetic. Yet, it somehow made you smile. In the distance, you could hear the sound of a helicopter. More than likely coming to do a report on your attack on the city. You’d deal with them later, instead, you retracted those jagged limbs and fell to the cracked street below. Landing on your knee with your arm outstretched to support you.

The civilians who were still running made sure to evade you as you locked your eyes on the remaining authority figures. At least some of them were brave enough to keep standing, did they think they were being heroic by living up to their duties? That was pathetic, however, you noticed one of them was standing in front of the others. More than likely the chief, the ones that stood behind him had their guns up and pointed in your direction. Rather a foolish thing to do when innocent lives were rushing around.

The heavy feeling of fear continued to linger in the air which only made your next set of words, somewhat terrifying, “Please, don’t be foolish.” you could see they were all shaking which caused those guns to tremble as well, you half expected one of them to fire theirs prematurely. But then again, surely they were too frightened to properly use those guns. But, you thought taking care of them first would be best. So, without hesitation, you held your palm out, and once more those air shockwaves came.

You didn’t care if they got injured as a result, nor that sickening crack that followed as their bodies hit the ground. Several gunshots sounded, more than likely triggered by their harsh impact. Luckily no bullet hit you. Yet, the chief seemed to have taken less damage. Having been thrown against one of the police vehicles, causing the driver door to get dented in and it appeared their arm was bleeding. More than likely from the shattered glass of the window. They seemed disorientated for the moment. But, that didn’t stop you from approaching them.

You leaned close and with a happy smirk on your face, you spoke, “Scared? Don’t worry, I won’t kill you...yet,” without warning, you wrapped your fingers around their neck. Your nails sunk into the flesh of their throat and you chuckled as they weakly reached up to try and claw at the back of your hand. But mere scratches didn’t bother you. A growl sounded before you pulled them forward and menacingly looked them in the eye. “I’m looking for Deku,” you growled, “Give him to me or...well, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” the sound of that helicopter grew louder and you glanced up.

You could clearly make out the members of the local news crew, and the reporter that was hanging out the open doors. Microphone shoved in their face, more than likely dribbling nonsense. How about that, you would be on the news.  You partly wondered what they were saying: “This just in, All Might’s missing daughter on villainous rampage. Looking to kill or severely injure a certain bastard that stole her father’s attention away.” Did that sound too selfish? Well, too bad. Actually, “Hm…” you continued to look at the helicopter, perhaps you could use them to your advantage.

You chuckled softly before releasing your hold on the cop’s throat. They dropped to the ground like the pathetic scum they were. However, your eyes remained locked on the helicopter and you shifted your feet just so. Your arms were by your sides and your palms were facing down. The surge of pain came as those limbs reappeared and lifted you into the air, you stretched your legs out and maneuvered your hands. Once more using the gifted quirk to thrust yourself upward from a building roof.

Your world blurred for a moment, but you knew you were heading straight toward that helicopter and yet again used your quirk to piece through the blades of it, effectively causing it to spin out of control. You could hear alarms going off as the pilot tried to regain control and the news crew hung onto the emergency handles for dear life. Your body was thrown around like a ragdoll, however, you once more used your quirk. You positioned one of your hands so it was facing the ground below and your fingers morphed into small jagged appendages that you used for leverage to steady yourself.

In one motion you pulled your arm back and fell toward the city below. You couldn’t help but grin as you watched the helicopter spin and crash into a series of buildings. Causing several explosions, would be a shame if someone was actually in those buildings. More than likely they would have died from the impact alone. But, whether or not anyone was alive, wasn’t your concern. You dropped to the ground once again, noticing the street was now covered in dirt among the crumbled pieces of building and broken glass.

You quickly made your way to the location of the fallen helicopter, noticing the way it had landed. On its side, the metal blades bent and broke, and the wires underneath it sparked. You could make out the news reporters however, seemed they were injured but more than capable of moving. You slowly approached, watching as they helped each other out of the helicopter and onto the street. You noticed one of them was still holding the camera and you pointed your finger at them. “You…” the word left your lips ominously and it was almost entertaining to watch their heads turn and the look of fear come to their eyes when they saw you.

“Point that camera at me,” you demanded with a menacing growl as you curled your bloody hand into a fist. Perhaps you were overusing the Forced Activation Quirk, even so. You weren’t willing to die until you faced Izuku Midoriya. “NOW,” you demanded before stomping your foot, which caused the ground to shake underneath you. The news reporters cowered and you watched as the individual hesitantly hoisted the camera onto their shoulder, you could see a faint red light blinking on the side of it. Good, that meant there was a chance you could get your message through. 

“Are we live?” you questioned in a gitty fashion. “Regardless…” you pointed at the camera, “My name is Y/n, daughter of the former symbol of peace, All Might. Yes, shocking isn’t it? I am here to settle a score of sorts, take something back that was mine. I am calling you, Izuku Midoriya. Come face me or...well, perhaps I could have fun killing off more civilians, burying their bodies under the remains of the buildings. Your call…” you chuckled before signaling them to drop the camera. “Hopefully, he makes the correct choice,” you muttered before activating Airwalk, a quirk that allowed you to levitate in midair.

It was almost entertaining, looking down at everything. You chuckled as you watched the news reporters scamper to safety. You took note the police officers had vanished as well. You were more than certain no pro hero would try to interfere now that you had made it clear what you wanted, and considering the damage you already did. It would be unwise for any hero to try and step in. You had established yourself as a threat and a very fearful one at that. In the distance you could see more flashing lights and crowds of people, more than likely the authorities were closing off this section of the city. Which was an impressive move or rather a smart one.

You chuckled and reached up to adjust your mask, you wondered if All For One was proud of you. He was always so gentle with his words, always encouraging or speaking to you kindly. You wondered if there was a possibility All For One enjoyed playing the role of a parent. You knew very little about his past, apart from the fact he had a brother who was seemingly quirkless. Regardless, you had never felt more encouraged in your life and you’d make him proud. Still, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bored.

“Mm…” you reached up, tapping your cheek before taking a struggled breath. Was it growing difficult to breathe? You could feel your heart racing inside your chest, was that from adrenaline or happiness? Well, you’d find out. You could see some buildings were left undamaged, time to change that. You grinned and raised your arm, feeling your skin tingle and expand as you used Air Cannon again.

The ground vibrated and you watched as the buildings that once stood tall came crashing down. It was satisfying to watch the city fall piece by piece. You let out a sigh as you lower yourself back to the ground, taking a few steps forward. Being careful to avoid tripping over your feet or over any garbage that was in your way. You paused momentarily when you thought you heard something, at first you thought it was your imagination. But, you quickly realized it was someone calling for help. Oh dear, was someone trapped under the rubble?

A hum sounded in your throat as you followed the noise, surprised to see an opening within one of the ruined buildings. You carefully stepped over the metal rods and glass, up a pile of dirt to look inside the dimly lit opening. Sure enough, you could see someone laying on the ground. They were dripping blood from their forehead and it appeared like their leg was trapped under something, maybe a metal beam. You weren’t sure, and frankly, you didn’t care. Still, you thought it was rather foolish of them to call out to you of all people for help.

You could only chuckle, “Of course, I’ll help. Death is an easy solution,” the words came off your tongue with a purr and you lifted your arm once more. However, you paused and looked out of the corner of your eye. You could barely make out the green streaks, more so you could barely dodge. Your ears rang as Izuku screamed your name, but you were too busy literally bending over backward. Your eyes widened as the world slowed down and you could clearly see Izuku’s fist gliding past your face.

The impact that followed caused your mask to fly off. Where it landed, you didn’t particularly care. You stumbled back, your facial features twisted with disgust and anger. Your hair had bits of dirt and blood in it and hung lazily in your face. “Izuku…” you growled, though you were a little shocked to see him handling that quirk without breaking any bones. Had he finally learned how to control it? Damn, you missed a lot. 

But, you had trained under All For One himself. You had multiple quirks and there was no way Izuku could beat you, yes...One For All was powerful. But, in the wrong hands like Izuku’s, it would prove worthless in battle. This is the only thing that gave you some confidence as you walked over to him, he was on one knee with his hand pressed against the cracked pavement. You imagined several pro heroes, including Endeavor and Best Jeanist were standing around, unable to do anything but pray that Izuku could stop you.

“Did dear old father come with you?” the question left your mouth in a teasing tone. However, a moment later your hands curled into fists and Izuku stood back on his feet. You had to admit, perhaps he had gotten taller and you could clearly see he gained more muscle. “Of course he came…” you hissed out, “Anything to protect his dear little, Izuku. Yet, he would never do ANYTHING for me!!!” you screamed, ignoring the way your throat strained. You could feel your eyes water, must be the dirt.

Izuku didn’t seem entirely phased by your words and only shook his head. Lowering his defenses a moment, you could see those familiar lightning-like streaks disappear. “Y/n…” he began, his eyes focusing on the ground, more specifically your feet. “You disappeared...a year ago, I…I w-was so worried something b-bad might have...happened to y-you…” his hand reached up, pressing against his chest. However, you rolled your eyes. “You damn well remember what happened in that hospital a year ago!” you snapped, accusingly pointing your finger at Izuku.

He only narrowed his eyes, “What happened to you, Y/n?! Why did you come back?! O-Only...only to c-cause this much d-destruction?! T-This isn’t you...y-you’re a...you’re a hero!” the very word made you gag, hero. Sure, a hero whose father ignored her and chose someone else to pass his quirk to. Cared for someone else more than his own flesh and blood, someone who kept the fact you were his daughter a secret. Some hero. “Don’t insult me,” you spoke in a low voice, you highly doubted you were ever actually a hero.

Back when you could still call yourself innocent, you had only wanted to become a hero to please your father. You wanted so much to be like him and have people look up to you. Well, they looked in fear now. Either way, you were getting the attention you so desired and no doubt people would be talking about you for years to come. “I-I’m not insulting! I t-thought something bad r-really had happened! T-To see you...here...p-part of me...just w-wants to hug you and...a-and make everything better!” you let out a frustrated growl and that Forced Quirk Activation came to surface.

Your fingers morphed into those menacingly dangerous limbs and they were aimed at Izuku. However, you might have underestimated just how quick of a reaction time he had. The dagger-like limbs embedded themselves into the pavement, instead of Izuku’s body like you had originally wanted. “Hm, and here I thought you were going to make this boring!” you snapped and quickly raised your other arm, once again those limbs came out and you smiled as you watched Izuku’s eyes widen.

He had jumped to avoid your attack and now he was falling through the air. But, it almost looked as though he were hovering, more than likely thanks to that quirk of his. The one that should have been yours, perhaps that saying could finally die along with Izuku and possibly your father. If you were lucky enough for that. ‘I won’t be able to dodge in time, but I’m sure this will work. Just have to wait for the right moment…’ Izuku thought as your quirk closed its distance. Once in range, Izuku held up his hand and you could hear a snap.

“What the hell!?” your arms instantly went up, shielding yourself from the dust and glass that was a backlash result of Izuku’s action. Your foot went back, trying to steady yourself from getting blown away. Damn it, you had to do something. Regardless of where Izuku was, more than likely he had hit the ground by now which meant you had a chance of hitting him if you used Air Cannon. You cleared your mind and extended your arm out, once more that familiar painful tingle came as the pressure built.

A moment passed before you finally released it, the ground around you cracked and fell apart. The surrounding buildings already bent, came crashing to the ground and their impact only added to the strong vibrations from your quirk. Izuku had indeed touched the ground just before it began to shake violently, his only option was to jump yet again. Believing your quirk wouldn’t reach him the sky, however, he mistakenly believed that your quirk was causing earthquakes as opposed to airwaves.

He let out a cry when his body was hurled back and you could hear the loud crash as he collided with part of a building. You couldn’t help the smirk that came to your face as you walked over, seeing the dust cloud from where he had made an impact. As it cleared you could see his body lying there, his arms stretched out as well as his legs. There were some cuts on his person, and you hadn’t taken into account that Izuku wasn’t in his hero costume.

His legs were exposed because of the shorts he wore and they were covered in a thin layer of blood and dirt. “It’s a shame you had to make me go and do this Izuku Midoriya, but All For One seemed to have thought it best. Unlike my father, he’s rather encouraging when I fail. Not that I will when it comes to killing you. But first, I’d like to have a little fun,” you chuckled, despite the line of tears dripping down your cheeks. You raised your arm and your fingers morphed, this time you’d pierce him with your quirk and you’d enjoy watching his reaction.

You couldn’t tell if he was conscious or not, but it was almost pathetic how easily he seemed to be defeated and by a simple airwave, no less. Well, it didn’t matter. You smiled as you watched those jagged limbs pierce through Izuku’s flesh and it seemed to jolt him back into reality. His back arched as he let out a scream which was music to your ears. You had pierced through both his shoulders, his legs, and his stomach. Sounds painful, but this particular quirk wasn’t known to cause much, if at all, any pain.

It was simply a way to force one’s quirk to activate against their will and it was a delight watching Izuku struggle as his body illuminated and One For All appeared. Surrounding his body in that almost cosmic energy, “How does it feel, Deku? I only wish this quirk could cause you pain. Does it feel uncomfortable when your quirk is activated and you’re not the one in control? Yeah...that’s similar to how I felt throughout last year, always watching you with my father. Using the quirk he bestowed onto you instead of his own blood!” Maybe that’s another reason why All For One had chosen you because you each shared a want to have One For All to yourself.

Still, you had never once imagined you’d get so much happiness out of watching Izuku struggle, his cries growing louder. His body moving every which way despite the minor cuts that scattered across his body. It must be so uncomfortable to wiggle your body like that when on top of a pile of rubble, not that you cared. No, you were enjoying the show at least for the few blissful moments it was occurring. Your eyes narrowed when you noticed a dark circle beginning to grow on Izuku’s stomach, it almost looked like a black hole.

“What the hell…” you muttered before suddenly blackness shot out. You watched it manifest into what resembled whips and honestly, you were too shocked to process what was actually occurring. You tried retracting your quirk, but you were too slow and felt one of the whips wrap around your ankle. “Oh no…” your world blurred as you were hurled through the air, it all seemed to happen too quickly. The next thing you felt was the impact of the ground against your shoulder and a loud crack echoed. This was only followed by a surge of pain that traveled past your collarbones to the opposite side of your body. 

You grunted, your hand now clenching your aching shoulder as you struggled to get back on your feet. You clenched your jaw in an effort to keep the whimpers that threatened to escape silent. Allowing them to pass your lips would only be a sign of weakness. You took a deep breath, All For One had not gifted you the quirk of Regeneration. He stated you were strong enough on your own and that the experience without rapid healing of any kind, would only continue to strengthen your character.

He had also promised that if you got severely injured despite your best efforts, he would take care of you. Something that you appreciated, but not as much as a healing quirk. “Just...walk...it...off,” you muttered as you stumbled to turn around, the sound of your pants filling the air. Your eyes settled on Izuku as he crawled across the rubble and much like you, stood on shaky legs. “Try that a-again!” you shouted as you took a sloppy step forward. All you needed was a little adrenaline and the pain would numb on its own.

Izuku sucked his breath in and shook his head, “You need to stop t-this...Y/n. Is t-this...because of what happened with A-All Might? I get he’s your f-father and all, but…” the last thing you needed was a lecture from the King of Muttering, “Shut up!” you snapped, obviously angered at the mention of All Might. “You know nothing about my life!” hell, no one did, “You know nothing about being a true hero, I have already destroyed this city. Oh, and if you’re such a great hero,” you grinned. 

“Then tell me, why haven’t you saved that poor civilian trapped under one of these destroyed buildings?” you spoke in a mocking tone, if anything to get a reaction from the green-haired boy. “Oh wait, they could be dead. My Air Cannon could have sealed their fate…” you chuckled and slowly removed your hand from your shoulder, “Let’s see if you can actually outrun my quirk this time, Izuku Midoriya,” you found amusement in the way his eyes grew wide and his face twisted with anger. 

Yet, you continued to smile, “I’d race you...but,” you took another step forward, “no promises,” you said before activating Air Walk. Izuku almost seemed memorized as he watched you ascend into the air, but his expression quickly changed into that of horror. You had decided it was time to try combining the quirks All For One had gifted you, though it was tricky and took a lot of energy. You took a deep breath and focused, channeling Air Cannon, Forced Quirk Activation, and Rivet which allowed rivet-like growths to appear on your arm.

Your eyes focused forward, you could still see the flashing police cars off in the distance and you could make out the heroes that stood among the police officers. One of them was glowing like a torch so you assumed it could only be Endeavor and it appeared your old teacher, Shota Aizawa, was also there. They weren’t exactly the ideal audience members you wanted, but there was little to be done about it now. They had decent seats for witnessing what was about to occur.

“Ready Izuku? I’d suggest you start running...now,” you growled, as those jagged-limbs extended out from your arm and the rivets that appeared alongside it, vibrated and would also help stabilize the increased power of your Air Cannon. The pressure that was building felt wonderful and honestly, you were quite proud of yourself. The wind came and ruffled your hair, you could feel it brush off some of the dirt that stuck to your face. Your shoulder though still radiating with pain, could move. But even if it couldn’t, you’d make it move. You felt such a strange sense of happiness fill you, they say power is dangerous.

But, if it gave you this much of a high. Hell, it was worth it. Izuku, on the other hand, had great power as well. But, unlike most, he hadn’t used it for evil purposes. No, he had chosen to be a hero. Even at the cost of his own life, he’d stop whatever villain stood to harm others and at this very moment. That villain was you. “One For All! A hundred percent!” he screamed just before kicking off the ground, the pavement already cracked and abused began to cave in on itself. You could faintly hear running water and you could only assume that you had busted a water pipe when you previously used Air Cannon.

Either way, it was amusing to see Izuku blindly racing forward. He had no idea where this civilian was. But, it didn’t matter. You grinned and released your combined quirk. The air shockwave came as a powerful force of energy, ripping apart what remained of the buildings and the pavement below continued to cave in, creating an abyss of sorts. You moved forward, thankful for your position in the sky. You had lost track of Izuku, which was somewhat amazing considering he had his quirk activated. However, when it came to justice and doing what was right.

He could move as fast as he needed to, the sound of his shoes slamming against the pavement echoed in his ears  “Hey!” he shouted, “D-Does someone need help!?” his question went unanswered. Which upset him, but he couldn’t afford to give up. He knew at any moment there was a chance you’d release that quirk and then this innocent civilian would die. He wasn’t about to allow that, no. The innocent should never die, “Answer me! I’m here! I’m Deku! I’ll save you!” he shouted again, his jaw clenching as he continued to run past what used to be buildings.

His eyes looked every which way, “Hello!” he desperately called out once more before he felt the ground shake, he lifted his head and gasped. In the distance, he could see the pavement splitting apart. “I have to think fast!” he declared, “Think of where they could be, they have to be an open area within what remains of the buildings. They must be further into what’s left of the city as well,” he couldn’t waste any more time. He dug his feet into the ground and jumped into the air. This would be faster than walking and he’d have more control over where he landed.

He covered an impressive amount of distance and he could see the resulting occurrence of your quirks. What was once the street was nothing but a dark strip. He clenched his jaw and nearly stumbled when he hit the ground. It was a tad tricky to keep your balance when the ground below you continued to shake. “Can anyone hear me!?” he screamed, ignoring the way his heart rapidly echoed in his ears. “Dang it,” he took off running, “Someone, anyone!?” he called again, passing by yet another building. He recognized it, he passed it most days.

A growl rumbled in his throat, he couldn’t fully understand why you had done this. What was turning into a villain proving? Obviously nothing, but then again. Most villains aren’t meant to be understood, some are just too crazy or too damaged. Sure sometimes life deals you a bad hand, but you had to stand up again and learn how to overcome it. Like he was trying to do, he was once a quirkless boy who dreamed of becoming a hero, and now...despite all odds, he had achieved that dream. His fists tightened, “Why...why would Y/n, d-do this?” he questioned before lifting his head.

He blinked and looked around, “Hello?” he thought he heard someone. He cautiously took a step forward, the shaking was growing more violent. He was running out of solid ground. He remained quiet, listening for the sound again and sure enough, he would hear faint cries. He wasted no time in running to the source, no surprise it appeared to be coming from underneath a pile of rubble. But, it had a small opening which provided him with enough light to see the outline of someone.

By the way they were laying, Izuku immediately assumed they were trapped or too injured to move. But, a good hero always made sure of someone’s condition before going through with a rescue and evacuate mission, “Excuse me! Are you injured?!” he questioned, either way, he’d have to be careful. “I’ll get you out, don’t worry I-” before he could finish he heard the road behind him crumble. You smirked as you watched the city become no more, it was quite satisfying to a point. You willed your quirks away, revealing your torn and bloody arm. Dark circular bruises appeared where those ridges had pushed past your skin.

You paid no mind to it as you hovered just above what was once the street, nothing more than an abyss. “Hm…” you reached up, cupping your chin as you made your way to the opposite side of the city. Surely Izuku couldn’t have outrun the destruction caused by your quirk. Your eyebrows knit together, maybe surveying the area would be a wise idea. You knew that Izuku was strong in the sense that he never gave up. He’d beat himself to a bloody pulp if it meant protecting someone, but could he stand a building falling on him?

You hovered past several piles of glass and plaster, carefully looking for any sign of Izuku or that one unfortunate civilian who happened to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time. You placed your hand on your hip, despite the movement aggravating the injured side of your body. Maybe you should switch to your good side, then again. Much like Izuku, you’d let your body become nothing but a ragdoll if it ensured victory. Still, your lips formed a pout. Had Izuku actually been crushed, was he buried under one of the piles?

That was disappointing, however, a gasp escaped you when you noticed a splatter of something against a piece of what you assumed was now a broken window still. You blinked and crept closer, your eyes widened when you saw it was dark and had a red tint to it, almost like, “Blood…” you whispered in disbelief, your eyes then drifted to a piece of ripped fabric. It was hanging off a nearby rock and you recognized it as a piece of the shorts Izuku was wearing. You carefully lowered yourself onto the pile of debris, letting out a cry when you almost slipped. 

You quickly regained your balance before reaching out to take the piece of fabric in your hand. Sliding your thumb across it, feeling the rough texture of it. A frown then came, despite your injuries. You had thought this fight would be more...exciting. It clearly wasn’t, which was a disappointment. “Always the loser, huh, Deku?” you released the piece of fabric and watched as it was carried away by the wind. It was then that you heard something which caused you to raise your eyebrow. You curiously looked over your shoulder, swearing you saw the slightest of movement.

Turning around, you watched as several pebbles began to shake. Almost like an earthquake was coming, but you had already finished using your quirk. Surely there was no aftereffect, so what was causing the movement? You took a step back and suddenly something clicked. You let out a cry and crouched down as dirt, glass, and combined pieces of building flew everywhere. “Dammit!” you hissed as you stumbled over, now against the uncomfortable surface. You could feel it poking and proding your body. 

But, you kept your arms up. Covering your face and shielding your neck, your legs were curled up into your stomach. Izuku had tried a desperate move and channeled One For All to his legs, giving him an advantage as he raced forward to save the civilian trapped under the rubble. Unfortunately, just as he feared their foot was trapped underneath a metal beam. At that moment, he did the only thing he could think of. Stood above them and activated his quirk, his arms facing out and palms ready to hold back the weight as the remains of the building collapsed onto them, possibly further trapping them.

His legs were shaking and he clenched his jaw as his trembling arms continued to hold back the weight, he couldn’t afford to die at this rate. His veins were glowing that pink-red color and those green streaks that were often accompanied when he activated One For All danced around his arms. He knew it might be a bad idea, but he yet again, made a desperate move. He channeled his quirk to his dominant arm, “Detroit smash!!!” he cried, and as soon as his knuckles made contact. A blowback of power occurred. The result of which built-up pressure and finally forced it to escape.

His panting filled the air as the dust cleared and he stood tall, the civilian cradled in his arms. Though their foot was bloody and bent in a way that wasn’t humanly possible. They looked limp in his arms, however, Izuku had received most of the damage. He was covered in cuts and pieces of glass were embedded into his skin. His legs were black and blue, blood coated each one, and it was possible he had broken a bone or two. His arm was darkened in color almost as though he had gotten burned. His fingers and knuckles were the same, the skin around them dark and blood was dripping along the length of the damaged skin.

He had a cut on his lip and one that ran horizontally underneath his right eye which looked swollen. Once everything settled down and you heard that panting, you pushed yourself up. Eyes growing wide when you saw the state Izuku was in, you looked at the civilian as well. Honestly, you didn’t care what happened to them. But, knowing they would remain alive was a little disappointing. Still, a chuckle left your lips and you stood on shaky feet. A small amount of blood was dripping from your mouth, maybe you swallowed glass.

The taste of iron was a tad distracting, but you couldn’t help the wicked smirk that came to your face. “Impressive, I should have expected such from a hero,” you commented, finding some amusement in the way Izuku clenched his jaw and his eyes burned with hatred. You were kind of giddy to see such an expression and directed at you nonetheless. “Are you mad at me, Izuku?” you questioned, “Good,” you chuckled and held your good arm out to the side.

Your hand curled into a fist and you watched Izuku’s expression change. His pupils shrinking in size and his lips parting. More than likely you assumed he knew he couldn’t move too quickly, else he’d cause further injury to the civilian he held in his arms. You remained silent, in such close range any one of your quirks could potentially knock Izuku off his feet, even your original quirk. Which you had neglected in place of your new ones. But, it seemed you favored using Air Cannon more than anything and that familiar vibration coursed through your arm. 

The smirk on your face only grew when Izuku took a step back, clearly, he knew by now there was no trying to talk his way out of this. “Are you happy this is what your actions caused, Izuku Midoriya? Because of you my fath-'' suddenly a sound echoed through the air, one that filled you with disgust and anger. Yet, a sense of familiarity and memories. Talk about perfect timing, you had hoped your father would make an appearance. Seemed whatever God or otherwise chose to answer your prayer was being rather generous. “Y/N!!!” came All Might’s voice, though it was hardly intimidating.

You were well aware your father had lost all use of One For All, the result was him remaining in his true form. That of a skinny, weak, old man. You stood there a moment and glanced to the side, part of you didn’t even want to look at your father. Feeling as though such an action would cause you to become nauseous, but you knew you had to. Especially if you wished to cause some well-deserved harm. “Hmph,” a soft growl rumbled in your throat before you lowered your arm and turned around. Sure enough, there he was. Toshinori Yagi, previously known as All Might.

The former symbol of peace, your father. You said nothing, only crossed your arms. A growl escaped you as you narrowed your eyes and fought the urge to smash your fist right into his face. You could hear movement behind you, more than likely Izuku running off to protect that no good civilian. But, surely he wouldn’t leave All Might alone. Your father was quirkless while you had multiple quirks. Fairness didn’t come into the equation here. Yet, you could see your father’s eyes widen. “It is you…” he whispered as he looked at you from head to toe.

You were covered in dirt and blood, your clothes were ripped. Your hair was messy and stiff. Bruises littered one arm and fresh blood continued to drip from your mouth which in a way, ironically was something that happened to your father frequently. You assumed it was due to that stomach injury he had received years ago when he faced down All For One. Still, you rolled your eyes. “Back from the dead,” you mocked and All Might frowned, “Y/n...I…” you growled and closed the distance between All Might and yourself.

You partly wondered how he had gotten this far considering the damage you had done to the road. But, you knew as a previous pro hero, he had his ways. Both of you were standing near the edge of what was once the road. One misstep and you’d fall into nothingness. “You can take your apology and shove it up your ass!” you snapped, acting like an angry child and essentially you were just that. Angry, pissed off, loathing the very concept of your father’s existence.

“I don’t care what you have to say, I only care about ending you. But, before I do. I want to know, did it hurt?” you questioned, however, your father looked confused. You had to admit, you were under the impression most were intimidated to be standing in front of a villain. Your father, however, continued to stand tall. You somehow knew he wouldn’t back down unless you forced him to and you’d get to that soon enough. “Did it hurt when you thought I disappeared? Tell me, did you think about that night? How you always favored Izuku over me!? Do you wish you could have hugged me instead? Do you ever regret treating me like shit!?” you snapped, your bloody spit flying as you grew angrier.

All Might held his hands up, “Y/n...of course I-” you interrupted him, “You wanted to keep me a secret from everyone, right!? Didn’t want your heroic name tainted because you had a bastard child, is that it!?” you growled, your teeth scraping together and you hoped your glare would physically make him burst into flames. Yet, you watched as his eyes softened and he lowered his hands. He glanced to the side and silence filled the air, “WELL!?” you snapped, clearly wanting an answer. Instead, you heard him sigh and he slowly looked back at you.

“I...I was never ashamed of you, Y/n. I…” his response made your stomach twist and you nearly gagged, his words were sickening. “You’re so full of shit,” you said with a low chuckle, “It’s funny, I never thought the former symbol of peace would be a liar. How does it feel, father? To know this destruction, all of this!” you exclaimed as you held your arms out, hands and fingers curling in an almost happy motion. “Is because of you. I should have had One For All, I should have been your successor. But, you never...you never wanted that did you!? No, instead you chose a pathetic little weakling to carry your precious quirk. Well, you know what. I’m here to kill him,” All Might’s eyes widened.

“Oh, here’s something else you might find shocking, I hope it hurts. I didn’t just disappear from the hospital, no. In fact, long before that. I had gotten a mysterious text, somehow the person who sent the text knew I was your daughter. One thing led to another and I came to find out, your sworn enemy. You know, the man you inflicted pain upon, took away his pride and his eyes. Came to me,” you saw a flicker of hate shine in your father’s eyes. “He saw potential in me, where you didn’t. Promised I could become something that the world would look up to, he believed in my skills, unlike you. He even asked me to be his successor which I gladly am!” you growled before bending your knees, your tongue came out to swipe across your lips.

Though you tasted dirt and iron, “Now that you’re a quirkless loser, I think this will be easy,” you activated your original quirk, it was nothing compared to the more powerful quirks one could be born with. But, it was strong enough to get the job done and you wanted the satisfaction of being able to kill your father with your own power. Hear that jawbone snap and watch as his blood spilled. With that blissful thought, you kicked off the ground. Bending your body so you could perform a direct uppercut to his jaw, it seemed All Might was still in shock. Which meant, he had no defense.

He could only accept the fact that karma was finally here to bite him in the ass. You smiled as you got closer, hand raised and fingers curled tightly together. But, as usual, nothing was ever that easy. You could hear a scream, and just before you turned your head to look. You saw Izuku’s fist come, “Leave him alone!” he cried and you quickly turned your body in an effort to stop him. Instead of your fist reaching All Might, it collided with Izuku’s. You could feel your knuckles snap and break, which caused pain to shoot through your already damaged arm and shoulder.

You growled, feeling the impact begin to force you back. Your feet were being forcibly moved along the limited ground despite the fact you were desperately digging them into the earth. “Stop. It,” you demanded with a hiss, you knew any further and you wouldn’t have solid ground. Your eyes were half-lidded and through the swirling debris, you could make out his facial expression. No surprise, he was pretty pissed. “You’re not going to hurt him or anyone else!” Izuku screamed and your eyes widened when he pulled his arm back.

You cursed yourself for not dodging or at least attempting to create distance, for that fist came back and collided with your face. Your head forcibly turned to the side and your jaw, along with a few select teeth broke. This only caused more blood to fill your mouth. A cry of pain left you, only to be swallowed as you choked on the blood that found its way down your throat. The next thing that occurred was your body flying, only to be stopped when your back collided with the sharp jagged edge of what was once the street.

Blood dripped down your chin, thick lines making their way down your neck and soaking into the collar of your tattered shirt. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you then fell forward, your body disappearing into the darkness. You felt the impact of several metal pipes hit your body, it almost seemed like they were working together. Every hit to your body caused an agonizing surge of pain and you partly wished you had just died. A weak cry escaped you when you finally hit solid ground.

You had fallen into a puddle of water and you could hear the sound of mice squeaking in this otherwise quiet place. You groaned in pain, feeling every part of your body ache. You were too afraid to move, knowing the slightest of movement would cause a violent wave of pain that was enough to paralyze you as a whole. You knew your jaw was broken, you doubted it was still connected on the side Izuku had punched. Blood continued to pour from your mouth and you swore one of your ribs had pierced through your lung.

Every time you tried to breathe, you ended up weakly coughing blood back up. Another groan came and you quietly spoke, “D-Did...I...do...good?” the question went unanswered and darkness clouded your vision. On the surface, All Might was still in shock. “Y/n!” he cried as he ran to the edge of the caved-in road, it was almost like a sinkhole. It would be hard to spot a human down below, but All Might still tried to make out your figure. He was clearly angry, his small skinny body trembling as he curled his fists and turned to face Izuku.

“What the hell were you thinking, kid!?” he snapped, which confused Izuku, “I…I was only trying to p-protect you, All Might. She w-was going to hit you and-” All Might shook his head, “That’s not how you handle a situation like that, if I was her target-ah. Forget it,” he growled before pointing, “Go down there and find her!” he snapped and Izuku took a step back. He was almost afraid All Might would hit him if he didn’t follow through with the order. He opened his mouth, about to speak his opinion when a dark and eerie chuckle came.

All For One was watching the whole spectacle from a distance. He felt rather amused during the first half of the battle, he was quite pleased to know how much pain and damage your body could take. How well the quirks he gave you were adjusting to your body, though he believed you had poorly chosen when to use your quirks and for what purpose. Nothing more training couldn’t fix. Still, All For One used his Warping quirk to appear before All Might and Izuku. Foolishly, Izuku activated his quirk. Ready to jump and attack, but All Might put his arm out and pressed it against Izuku’s chest.

A fair enough motion to get his point across, “Seems you’re a little shocked, All Might. I must say, I expected a little more fight out of your successor. Of course, I suppose enough of a punishment for you is not only seeing your successor fail just as you have failed but knowing your own selfish actions caused your only daughter to turn against you,” All Might lowered his brows, his lips turned in a frown. Yes, there were many ways he could have been a better father to you. Showed you he cared and took your feelings into consideration. But, nothing would change the result of this.

Izuku growled, desperately fighting the urge to jump and start another fight. Despite his body already being damaged, everything made sense now. All For One corrupted your mind, made you turn against your loved ones. His jaw tightened and his fists shook as he lowered his head, “All Might...I c-can’t forgive him, he...he poisoned Y-Y/n’s mind!” he hissed, feeling his anger slowly begin to consume him, and while All Might agreed. It didn’t appear like All For One had come to cause more damage, more than likely he was only retrieving you. 

It made your father sick thinking what further corruption All For One would expose you to. It hurt him, knowing he couldn’t save you. Knowing he had no choice in the matter of your fate, “I know…” he whispered sadly as he lowered his arm, believing Izuku would behave himself. “Don’t worry, you’ll see, Y/n again. Very soon,” his words almost seemed like a threat. Another warp gate appeared beside All For One and Izuku had already assumed the villain had collected you. 

He screamed out when the evil man disappeared into the darkness of that warp gate and All Might immediately restrained him. Wrapping his arms around the green-haired boy, though it wasn’t an easy task. “Calm down! You’re already injured enough. There is nothing we do for now,” he tried to reason, but Izuku continued to carry on. Violent tears streaming down his face, yet there was a hint of determination shining in his eyes. He would save you, he would make this right. 

You could feel yourself floating, at first you assumed you were dead. However, you could still wiggle your fingertips which you took as a good sign. But, you still felt weighed down by something. Slowly you opened your eyes, seeing your world was tinted blue and air bubbles floated past your vision. Your hair was floating in separate strands around you and it quickly clicked you were submerged in water. You reached up, touching the mask that was strapped to your face and your fingertips brushed the plastic tube that came along with it. 

More than likely that was the source providing you with oxygen. You then looked at your hand, noticing it was scarred up. Your arm seemed to be the same, long jagged dark lines ran from your wrist to your inner elbow. You assumed a massive amount of scar tissue made up your shoulder, but at least the pain you remember having before blacking out was gone. You weren’t sure if that was something you should be grateful for. 

You glanced around, you could make out several machines on the outside of the glass. Each one flashed with a particular sequence of lights, which confused you. However, the most familiar thing was a small television in the corner of the room. You could see shots of the damage you had done to the city, you couldn’t read the headline that flashed on the bottom of the screen. But, your eyes widened when you saw the scene switch to your father. 

You leaned forward, pressing one hand to the glass as you watched your father speak. He looked tired, shocked, and utterly disappointed. You could tell there was hurt in his eyes, well...it was what he deserved, right? You leaned back, nearly choking on your own gasp when you heard the sound of a heavy door open. You could hear chattering, but to you in your water prison, it sounded like nothing but water currents. You saw two figures come into view, one was short and wore a white lab coat, and the other you recognized as All For One.

“How pathetic, All Might begging for his daughter back,” he hissed, clearly disgusted at such a thing. It was amusing to a point when a hero fell, but now it was just pitiful. He crossed his arms before turning to look at you and for some reason, you felt a small amount of fear consume you. He walked over and pressed a hand against the glass that separated you. “Don’t worry now, my beautiful successor. You did well, I am very proud of you. Don’t be scared now, your body should be stable enough to handle more quirks,” he leaned closer, and his shadow cast over you.

Though his words were unrecognizable to you, the feeling of uncertainty made your stomach twist. “Then you’ll succeed where I failed, All Might won his battle against me, yes. But you, you will win against his successor and pave the path for a better world.” you shivered when he tapped the glass and turned away from you. Becoming All For One’s successor was not an easy task, you knew this from the start. But part of you couldn’t help but wonder what step was next and if you truly wanted it.  

[fieldsofplay]

Favorite Albums of 2020

25. Dehd – Flower of Devotion

Rather than look back on the shit year that was 2020, lets keep our eye on the hope of the horizon.  Speaking of which, Dehd herald much of what’s to come on this here list.  While as previously mentioned a shit year for most everything besides presidential politics, 2020 proved to be a great year for good old fashioned guitar music.  Could I be accused of curling up with my version of musical comfort food? Perhaps.  But starting off with Dehd, we have a type of band that used to be everywhere and now seems to be almost nowhere.  Jangly lo-fi guitars, perky drums, and straightforward unadorned singing.  About five years ago you couldn’t throw a rock in Brooklyn without hitting a band like this, but now that that fad is long gone.  I’m glad that Chicago’s Dehd are still carrying the torch.  

24. Perfume Genius – Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

I’ve always liked Perfume Genius, but for whatever reason Set My Heart on Fire Immediately is the album that took him out of the realm of casual background musical encounter to something I sought out.  Chamber pop has never really been my thing (except for those couple summers where Grizzly Bear was totally my jam), but here the torch songs catch fire by the compressed force of Michael Hadreas’ longing.  This record also pulls off the impressive feat of each song gradually morphing just a bit from what proceeds it, so that the whole record sounds similar and yet each song carves out its own little generic niche, the whole thing united by the quivering power of that pleading voice.  

23. 2nd Grade – Hit to Hit

If you ever found yourself wondering what Guided by Voices would sound like if they wanted to be Big Star instead of punk rock Kinks, we now have the answer, and it’s Phily’s 2nd Grade.  In the noble tradition of Bee Thousand and Alien Lanes, Hit to Hit’s 24 tracks breeze by in a mere 41 minutes and 8 seconds.  An earworm sunny melody, a quick guitar hook, a second verse (maybe), and poof, each song is gone before you could ever miss it.  You would think variation would be difficult working within such tight musical corners, but while each song clearly shares common DNA, there is actually a lot of variance here, from weepy country ditties (“Bye Bye Texas”) to overdriven stompers (“Baby’s First Word”) though they all tend to orbit the same (big) star.  

22. Tame Impala – The Slow Rush

I’ll be the first to admit that The Slow Rush isn’t my favorite Tame Impala record, not by a long shot.  Having said that, this album still feels like it got short shrift this year (not that anyone can really complain about that in these here times).  If we never knew that Lonerism or Innerspeaker or Currents existed, I wonder how much people would be head over heels for this album.  “One More Year” “Is It True” and “Posthumous Forgiveness” are all top notch Impala jams.  Seems like this album is the soundtrack for the chilled out summer hangs that we never got to have, and thus it’s fitting that it seems condemned for the ash-heap of history rather than the late-night come downs we never got up to.

21. Against All Logic – 2017 – 2019

Ah, speaking of complicated musical relationships, I can never seem to chart a clear course with Nicolas Jaar.  The music he puts out under his own name never seems to do much for me, but I dug his collaboration with Dave Harrington as Darkside, and I really love most everything he’s put out as Against All Logic.  While admittedly not a great year for house music—normally a liberating genre of communal interconnectivity, now a cruel reminder that we all live in Footloose—a banger remains a banger, and 2017-2019 is full to the brim with them.  While I honestly can’t remember the last time I went dancing, I’ll still crank up “Fantasy” and bop around my living room, literally dancing by myself (lets be honest, something I would have done pandemic or no).  

20. Fiona Apple – Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Fetch the Bolt Cutters has had a lot of great things said about it this year, so I don’t really have to add that much.  What I will say is this is perhaps the most interesting percussion I’ve ever heard on a record.  There is percussion all over the place, but almost none of it in the form of full-kit drumming.  Fiona always used the left hand on the piano as the rhythmic center of her songs, but here there is drilling, tapping, rapping, patting.  The phrase DIY gets tossed around all the time (and almost never applied to big money, big label Fiona) but to me the most impressive thing about this record is how it always sounds like she is sitting at a rickety upright piano in the corner of a living room, while everyone congregating around keeps the beat by tapping on pots and pans, the walls, whatever is at hand.  I’ve truly never heard anything like it.  

19. Advertisement – American Advertisement

Godbless Seattle’s Advertisement. So long as there is cheap beer, old shitty cars driving with the windows down, and the U-SofA, there’ll be bands like Advertisement.  Straight out of the vein of Cheap Trick and the more recent White Reaper, Advertisement play power pop with the emphasis on the power.  Sometimes this type of music gets called sleazy, but honestly I don’t get it.  I think its probably because you can imagine it playing while Wooderson drives around Austin looking for redheads. While we rightfully cancelled the song of summer this year, “Upstream Boogie” would have gotten my vote, perfect for backyard bbqs and cannonballing into creeks.  

18. Nation of Language – Introduction, Presence

I didn’t set it up this way, but if Advertisement has a diametric opposite, its probably Nation of Language.  Where Advertisement is all frayed edges and foam, Nation of Language is as buttoned up as those terrible sports jackets people wore in the early ‘90s.  While its not as good as my beloved Black Marble, those bands share enough DNA to make me a big fan of this synth pop gem.  It’s not as dark as the cold-wave Black Marble, but it does share that bands fondness for stark baselines and crisp arpeggios.  If you’ve ever envisioned your life as a scene from a John Hughes movie, Nation of Language could easily be playing in the background.

17. The Soft Pink Truth – Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase?

Indulge me in a moment of naval gazing.  Every year as I put these things together I reach a point where I’m lack “damn, this album is this low on the list?” And the point at which that thought enters my head is usually indicative of how good a year for music it was.  Now 2020 wasn’t a good year for anything, and I probably spent the least time of any year listening to music, new, old, whatever.  For the most part I just listened to the Grateful Dead and ambient albums.  However, for my idiosyncratic tastes, 2020 was actually a pretty fucking incredible year for new music, as evinced by the fact that this album is all the way down at 17.  

Earlier on in 2020 as I was bombarding my poor local music text thread with yet more of my inane musings, I think I declared this a top 3 album of the year.  And I wasn’t lying!  “Pretty” is often a dirty word in aesthetic appreciation, but this is certainly the “prettiest” album of the year in the best sense of the word.  From the Drew Daniel half of Matmos comes Shall we Go on Sinning so that Grace May Increase?  A record that is somehow simultaneously deep house and feather light, so much so that it needs its own dumb internet music writing moniker—shallow house? wide house? vacation house? (actually kinda like that last one).  With vocals from Jana Hunter, Angel Deradoorian, and Colin Self (with whom I wasn’t previously familiar) this thing will simultaneously make you want to tap your foot and drift off into the clouds.  This is album is like the prayer Madonna sang about all those years ago.  

16. Kurt Vile – Speed, Sound, Lonely KV

It’s not at all surprising that if Kurt Vile decided he wanted to go country western he’d be really fucking good at it.  First of all, he’s an exceptional acoustic guitar picker.  Secondly, his voice, while always befitting his hazed out urban rockers, has just enough twang to it that in retrospect it always sounded a little bit country.  This record also gives me room to offer up an homage to the late great John Prine, for whom the EP is essentially a tribute.  Vile covers two Prine songs, dueting with the man himself on “How Lucky.” Saying goodbye is never easy, but on Speed, Sound, Lonely (both the album, and the song more or less by that name) Vile manages a fitting tribute to a lost legend.  

15. Lomelda – Hannah

The reviews of Hannah really did Lomelda a disservice.  Sure, they were glowing, but they made it sound like this was some weepy milquetoast singer songwriter affair, when it’s actually a knotty album full off elliptical piano and fuzzed out electric guitar.  Its 14 tracks hurtle by, largely due to the fact that almost all of them are under 3 and a ½ minutes.  Things really get going with the second track, “Hannah Sun” with is squiggly synth effects and driving acoustic strums carrying on Hannah Read’s musings.  It’s an album of relentless forward musical movement even if the vibe feels like it’s always looking back over its shoulder.  Basically this album is what emo would sound like if it wasn’t made by the worst people in the universe.  

14. Shabaka and the Ancestors – We are Sent here by History

Jazz! Another great year for jazz (Asher Gamedze’s Dialectic Soul and Keefe Jackson, Jim Baker, & Julian Kirshner’s So Glossy and So Thin are with a strong group that just missed the cut).  In the midst of an excellent jazz renaissance (you gotta use super annoying words like “renaissance” when talking about jazz) Shebaka Hutchins remains my absolute fave of the bunch, and We are Sent here by History is probably my favorite thing he has put out so far.

13. Waxahatchee – Saint Cloud

While I really liked Waxahatchee’s low-fi emoish debut—American Weekend—I’ll readily admit I wasn’t much about the popier albums that followed, frequently jesting, honestly, that Allison was my preferred musical Crutchfield sister.  All that changed for me with Saint Cloud.  I’ve certainly drifted far off into country and Americana as I’ve aged, and it appears the same came be said for Katie Crutchfield.  These songs have a giddyup to them but they never break out into a gallop, allowing the strength of the melodies to carry them along across the plains, with just the right hint of twilight.  Saint Cloud is the sound of Patsy Cline if she played to roadside inns rather than the Grand Ol’ Opry.  

12. Neil Young – Homegrown

This was the hardest album to place on the list this year.  For starters, should it even count? Clearly I say yes.  While some of these songs have been available for over 30 years, as an album, Homegrown was a “new” release here in 2020, even though it was originally slated to come out in ’75 between On the Beach (my personal fave Neil record) and Zuma.  As a pure piece of music, is it better than most, if not all, of the records that follow? Of course yes.  But what does a new Neil Young record mean in 2020? As a thought experiment its fascinating.  Do we value this album within the musical context of 2020 or 1975? Fortunately, it’s an even more enjoyable listen than it is a thought experiment.  From the first strums of “Separate Ways” you’re like “oh shit, this is the vintage stuff.” Gentle amber acoustic numbers (“Try”) share space with electric stompers (“Vacancy”).  The best thing you can say about Homegrown is that if Neil had originally decided to release this instead of Tonight’s The Night, it would have fit right in amongst his unimpeachable run from Everybody Knows This is Nowhere up through Zuma.  A classic is still a classic, no matter what year it finally sees the light of day.  

11. Destroyer – Have we Met

Ah Dan Bejar, boy was I wrong about you.  I kinda got into Destroyer’s Rubies, I loved his contributions to Swan Lake and The New Pornographers, but yet when Chinatown started really making waves, I just couldn’t do it.  It was soft rock! I hate soft rock! I hate everything about it!  This preconceived notion wasn’t helped by the fact that I saw him open for the War on Drugs in Pontiac once and he was so drunk he could barely stand up and had to read his own lyrics from a sheet.  And yet, for some reason I never really gave up on it. I can’t tell you why exactly, but two summers ago Chinatown just slowly became my go-to for early morning / late afternoon strolls. I found comfort in giving myself over to its pillowy soft embrace / cheating on my own aesthetic judgments.  Now that I’m card-carrying Bejarhead, I greeted Have we Met with open arms, and I was not disappointed.  The synths glimmer, the guitars add just enough punch, and his lyrics remain sharp as ever.  Its fitting that this was the last concert I saw before the iron curtain fell.  The one thing I had always turned my back on ended up being the last memory of dionysian group enthrallment I had to carry with me out into the desert of social isolation.  Come back soon Destroyer, come back soon, everyone.

10. Deeper – Auto-Pain

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready, because post punk is back! I always say my favorite genre is ‘sad songs you can dance to’ but post punk is a close second.  When I was in college post punk underwent a bit of a renaissance in the form of Interpol (back when they were still good), Bloc Party (ditto), Franz Ferdinand, and a whole slew of British one hit wonders (Maximo Park, Futureheads, Art Brut, the Bravery).  Fortunately, as is always the case, what’s old is new again, and stark melodic bass lines, angular guitars, and moody introspective speak-singing are back in full force.  Of the three post punk bands gracing this here top ten (Deeper, Fontaines DC, and Crack Cloud) each has its own little slice of the generic pie.  Fontaines have the deep gloom of Interpol/Joy Division, Crack Cloud ripple with the staccato energy of Gang of Four, and Deeper have the wiry dancieness of, well, Wire. So long as leather jackets and black and white photography remain cool, there’ll always be bands like this, and thank god for that.  In a true sign o’ the times, I learned about this band from some random girl’s Tik Tok in my for-you feed.  She repped five bands, two of which are in my top three, so I was like, sure I’ll give this band Deeper a go.  God bless the internet.  Finally, Deeper get bonus points for naming a song “This Heat,” who I’ve been spending a lot of time revisiting this year, and whose spikey guitars are all over this record.  

9. The Flaming Lips – American Head

There are few things as satisfying in art as being genuinely surprised by a beloved artist you had given up as culturally dead.  Since putting out their last masterpiece (2009’s Embryonic) the Lips have put out a string of good, if inconsequential, albums that befitting the ethos of the band could best be described as half baked (The Terror, Oczy Moldy, and a series of collaborative experiments).  Basically, they had reached that dreaded nadir where I was no longer interested in listening to their new output (cough The National, cough cough Arcade Fire).  So what made me give American Head a chance? That reader, is the point of art criticism! I can’t remember how the blurb on pitchfork read exactly, but I knew it referenced Tom Petty and a return to a preoccupation with more Earthly concerns—namely ‘70s heartland rock.  Well, this sounded intriguing, and boy was I not disappointed.  Sure, the Flaming Lips have already reached their sell-by date twice over (first in 1992, immediately followed by their MTV reinvention on 1993’s Transmissions from the Satellite Heart; and then again in the late ‘90s with the departure of guitarist Ronald Jones, followed by their creative pinnacle, ‘99’s symphonic masterpiece The Soft Bulletin), so it shouldn’t be all that surprising that this band could rise from the dead a third time.  Only, for the most part, they didn’t.  I guess I’m not surprised that American Head failed to reach a broader audience. Most people probably aren’t even aware that they are still a going concern, and after the failures of the last decade it makes sense that most weren’t interested in more tunes from the Oklahoma freaknicks.  But for those willing to give the band another chance, American Head easily delivers their best album since Embryonic, if not all the way back to Yoshimi.  Mixing ‘70s Americana with the star gazing of Soft Bulletin’s “Sleeping on the Roof,” the Lips deliver their best album in decades by foregoing the parlor tricks and returning to what they do best, taking trips to distant galaxies while keeping their feet firmly planted in the soil and songcraft of Oklahoma.

8. Cut Worms – Nobody Lives Here Anymore

This one is pretty easy.  Do you like George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass? If yes, listen to Nobody Lives Here Anymore and revel in this double album’s upbeat acoustic rock mediations.  If no, well there’s plenty of other good stuff out there.  Not quite as metaphysical or orchestral as All Things Must Pass, Nobody Lives Here Anymore still manages to hit that rockabiliy-pop sweet spot that Harrison used to mine.  I’m not quite sure what the definition of “troubadour” is, but it feels safe to call Cut Worms a troubadour, which is certainly better than his terrible stage name.  

7. Cigarettes for Breakfast – Aphantasia

Similar to Cut Worms, Cigarettes for Breakfast also involves a simple influence equation.  Do you pray at the altar of Loveless? If so, Aphantasia is just the record for you.  Sure, it’s a bit of My Bloody Valentine paint by numbers (“Breathe” even features the same squally guitar noise [it’s really hard to try and describe My Bloody Valentine effects ha] as “Soft as Snow (But Warm Inside)”) but when you’re as into shoegaze as I am, that’s never really a bad thing.  Plus, I’m being a bit unfair.  Everyone with textured tremolo heavy wall-of-sound guitars and cooed vocals is going to inevitably be compared to MBV, and Cigarettes for Breakfast do enough to chart their own course.  Perhaps most interesting is the musical journey this record charts.  Its loudest moment is its opening, where pummeling guitars more reminiscent of Sonic Youth with a touch of Dinosaur Jr. rip across hardcore style drumming. From there each song becomes a little more ambient, until closer “If Someone Could Help Me, Please” more or less floats away on its shimmering sheets of beautiful noise clouds.  In this sense, it bears a resemblance in structure, if not in sound, to Deerhunter’s Cryptograms, another album I spent a lot of time revisiting this year.  A shutout here is owed to the fine folks at Radio K, who had me diving for my shazam as this thing ripped across their airwaves.  So long as there is college radio, there’ll be a new crop of kids discovering via Kevin Shields that the electric guitar contains endless sonic possibilities.  

6. Fontaines D.C. – A Hero’s Death

The second entry in our top-ten post punk trio is A Hero’s Death by Fontaines D.C.  I’ll admit, on first blush it’s kind of a dumb band name (I just assumed they were some hardcore band from Washington DC chasing those Dischord Records glory days), but when you learn that the “DC” stands for Dublin City, it all clicks, as this band is sorta inescapably Irish in the way that James Joyce is.  Now this fact at first was also off-putting—if I went the rest of my life without ever hearing the Dropkick Murphy’s again I’d be quite content—but eventually it becomes integral to their sound, and not just because of the brogue in Garin Chatten’s vocals.  “Love is the Main Thing” is an incredible song in many ways, most notably because of the hypnotic quality of the drumming with its counterpoint between riding cymbal and staccato toms, but perhaps in the main (*wink*) for the way it manages to connote the weariness of a grey urban environment without ever being explicitly about it.  Just as Turn on the Bright Lights managed to perfectly capture New York in 2001, A Hero’s Death to me is the aural equivalent of a dense urban center like Dublin, especially after nightfall.  

5. Imaginary Softwoods – Annual Flowers in Color

It should come as no surprise that I listened to A LOT of ambient this year, and to me there was no better electronic record to chill the fuck out to during this insane year than Annual Flowers in Color.  I absolutely loved Emeralds’ Does it Look Like I’m Here? and was devastated they never followed that gem (*wink*) up.  In the immediate aftermath of the demise of Emeralds Mark McGuire’s solo albums got a lot of attention, but apparently the person I really loved in Emeralds was Imaginary Softwoods’ John Elliot.  Annual Flowers in Color is like if Dead City’s, Red Seas, Lost Ghosts were waiting in the departure’s lounge of Eno’s airport.  At the heart of the album lies the 10 plus minutes of “Another First/Sea Machine.” I could listen to this song forever, and on some particularly WTF 2020 lakewalks I more or less have.  Chunky synths, arpeggios that drift off to infinity, ‘80s soundtrack nostalgia.  I could live in these Softwoods for the rest of my sonic days.  

4. Pottery – Welcome to Bobby’s Motel

In another moment of nostalgia for my college years, Pottery are a welcome return to weird ass experimental Canadian bands.  They don’t sound anything like the Unicorns, but in spirit Pottery kind of remind me of them.  I’ve spilled a lot of digital ink here and elsewhere bemoaning the fact that Pitchfork (or perhaps, me) isn’t cool anymore, and to me no band embodies this more than Pottery.  They take a bunch of fun disparate elements—Talking Heads dance art rock, periodic weird pitch shifted vocal effects, hazy deep purple style guitars, and Queen style machismo disco—throw them into a witch’s cauldron, and come up with something off the wall that sounds like nothing else but is also instantly familiar.  This is the type of thing Pitchfork would have been all over in 2007, but instead now they’re too busy chasing conde nast clout clicks.  Oh well, nothing gold can last. But enough negativity, this here is a celebration of the joy of new music, and no new band embodies that unbridled joy like Pottery.  Along with Fontaines DC, this is the band I wish I most could have bopped around to with a bunch of sweaty strangers in the 7th St. Entry or Turf Club.  You can just imagine the call and response vocals and funky grooves getting the people moving.  Oh well, hopefully we’ll soon all be rocking the vaccine, they can breeze through town, and I’ll be the first person on the dance floor embarrassingly pumping my fist a half beat behind the rhythm.  

3. Pure X – Pure X

To paraphrase Same Elliott in the Big Lebowski, sometimes there’s a band, and well, sometimes there’s a band.  For me this year, that band was Pure X.  I absolutely loved their debut Pleasure way back in 2011, when lo-fi reverb heavy slow guitar music (ie, Galaxie 500) was all the rage. Their follow up Crawling up the Stairs was so bad I didn’t even bother listening to Angel, though perhaps that also owed a decent amount to just how terrible the art on that record is.  (I’ve since remedied this mistake; turns out that record rules).  Being that as it may, I can’t particularly tell you what drew me in to this year’s self-titled album, a full nine years after Pleasure first graced the stage.  In one sense it’s probably because Pleasure is one those albums that just never went out of my rotation.  Whenever the fahrenheit tips past 90 and the walk to the bodega is a few blocks longer than you’d like, that record always hits the spot.  Maybe I just knew this was the record I needed this year.  Either way, from the first bars of “Middle America” I was hooked.  The guitars crash over you, but never in a threatening way. Rather, they envelop you like a weighted blanket, comforting you in their sonic embrace.  Nowhere is this more true than on “Fantasy,” easily my favorite song of 2020 (especially since this was a year entirely devoid of dance floor bangers).  If this album came out in 1999 rather than 2020 I would have hit the repeat button on my discman and listened to this song forever.  

2. Crack Cloud – Pain Olympics

Pain Olympics is the answer to the question that no one asked: what if Arcade Fire’s (back when they were good) communal uplift was paired with Gang of Four’s stark anthem’s of industrialism’s collapse?  While on first blush this might sound like your standard album of punkish fist pumping angst, from when the female vocals (sorry there are too many people in this band for me to be able to figure out whose who) come in on opener “Post Truth (Birth of a Nation)” Pain Olympics reveals itself to be a very strange animal (likely a unicorn of some sort), especially as little orchestral swirls creep into the mix, giving it an almost Judy Garland (in hell) quality.  This subtle genre pastiche is given its best effect on stunner “The Next Fix.” That song starts out as an elastic spoken-word call and response addiction rumination, at the minute mark it starts to segue into a vocoded chill raver, then some horns crop up out of nowhere, then a spoken word passage, then at the two minute mark a chorus of voices come in, doing their best Broken Social Scene in the truest sense of the phrase.  This is perhaps one of the strangest records I’ve ever heard, but what is strangest of all is just how beautiful it is.  Crack Cloud are not for everyone, but if you really give it a chance, the returns are limitless.  

1. SAULT – Untitled (Rise) / Untitled (Black Is)

You cannot tell the story of 2020 without SAULT, which is why this pair of records is here at the top, even if under the influence of sodium pentothal (lets be honest, veritaserum) I might lean more towards Pain Olympics.  In June, the “anonymous” London project put out Untitled (Black Is), and then quickly followed that gem up with September’s Untitled (Rise).  Perhaps more amazing still is that these two albums, released so close together, have unique personalities.  Black Is is more pop/R&B whereas Rise has a dancy, electr(on)ic feel.  I lean more towards the latter, but honestly, both albums are so overstuffed with amazing moments that it’s borderline unbelievable that one outfit could put out so much amazing music in such a short span.  While these records would chart high even if sung in Hopelandic, there’s no escaping the social import of the lyrics.  One need look no further than Black Is’s “Don’t Shoot Guns Down” for the 2020 dance party at the end of the world.  As if that weren’t more than enough, it finds its analogue on Rise’s “Street Fighter,” and that’s SAULT in a nutshell: two albums in constant communication with one another, and more importantly, with the state of the world.  Guns down.  Don’t Shoot.  Let’s dance.  

[yonojono]

The Imitation Game, now a social dilemma

The Imitation Game is another name for the Turing Test created by Alan Turing in 1950. It is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behaviour equal to or indistinguishable from that of humans. With advanced technology, we have seen that almost anything can be hacked into and stolen while the victims are left unaware of the situation that has undergone inside their devices. If data is not being hacked into, chances are that the companies of the applications that they use on a regular basis, are stealing data and not for anything good. The Netflix Documentary “The Social Dilemma” which is a play on the title of the movie “The Social Network” which just so happens to be the biopic movie of this guy that you may have heard of called Mark Zuckerberg and how he creates this platform that you may have also heard of called Facebook. The documentary starts off with a touch of irony and a pinch of salt as a bunch of employees who worked or still work at a lot of the big shot companies like Facebook, Google, Twitter, Pinterest, Youtube, Instagram and Snapchat speak about circumstances that they faced at their respective companies. They had ethical concerns and were campaigning for ethical designs but at the same time, these are the very people that take advantage of the users’ psychology and work to keep them on their platforms for as long as possible such that it has become a battlefield for them to see who can hold the users’ attention the longest. This is quite concerning because of how fast technology is changing and becoming better by the day such that at this rate, people can might as well live inside a small box and look at screens of social media platforms all around them, day in and day out. 

 However, it is important to address this issue in countries apart from the US as the social dilemma focuses mainly on the audience from the US. It shows a parallel storyline where siblings in a family are struggling to disconnect their personal, offline lives from the virtual one. In countries like India, China, South Korea, Japan and many other eastern and third world countries, there is a huge cultural difference as opposed to the west. Especially when it comes to children doing well at studies, it is quite common for eastern parents to be authoritarian and do whatever they have to do so that they do not have any distractions around them and focus on studying. Having said this, it does not mean that the west does not have the concept of strict parenting or that the east does not know how to go easy on their kids, but the fact is that an Indian parent spends on helping their kids with homework is 12 hours per week whereas an American parent spends 6.2 hours per week on an average. Most of the Generation Z Indians did not have access to technology and social media as the concept of mobile phones and touchscreens did not arrive in India until much later than it did in the US. Albeit there may be some people that do get carried away in the world of virtuality, a lot of the people still know how to draw the line between social media and reality because they have a lot more to be worried about in real life than on social media. Blame it on the education system or on the strict parenting, children are still worried about scoring well even in their preliminaries, let alone their board examinations. We see them studying day and night to make this happen and most of them do not get to have mobile phones until much later in their lives, beyond an impressionable age. We only see the negative side of the coin when it comes to these things but if the coin could be bothered being flipped over, maybe there is a positive side to it after all. It is very probable that people do not get influenced as easily as the document portrays it and that maybe there’s a slight exaggeration about how people believe everything that they see on the internet. 

 But the fact that big tech conglomerates have been taking advantage of people who use their platforms and have been influencing people in the worst ways possible is not moral. We see terrorists and crime insinuators being bred at homes because of the propaganda that these companies have been feeding them. A lot of lives have been impacted because of this and it is about time that they take responsibility for what they have been doing and for what? A few measly bucks. An example for this is the Cambridge Analytica data scandal. In 2018, the world was shaken when they found out that Facebook and a political data analysis firm called the Cambridge Analytica were the perpetrators of a massive data breach. They obtained and used the data of millions of users without their consent to their advantage. Hundreds of thousands of users had signed up for a survey called “this is your digital life” which they might have thought, sounded harmless, at the time. But Facebook allowed the survey to take all the data that the users had entered and played the psychology card to get people to vote for the politician, Donald Trump. His institute paid Facebook to get the data of users regarding their political preferences. As shown in the documentary, users are shown as puppets being controlled by imaginary people literally behind the screen and are shown only what the companies want them to see. AI has advanced to a level that can show human-like behaviour and knows what humans want to see and uses methods to show it and more to them. But the big tech conglomerates exhibits behaviour similar to that of a child having newly discovered a toy that it constantly solely wants to play with and shows no interest in absolutely anything else. Unfortunately, the toy is the actions they take that can affect emotions, behaviours and actions of the user in real time, which they monetize and exploit. This is not just limited to people who can possibly do no harm, it has an impact on deranged people who end other people’s lives for their extremist causes. It does not just bring people closer and make the world smaller, it may possibly end them as well. 

 With COVID-19 plaguing the world, forcing people to be indoors and isolate themselves, it took a toll on their mental health. Without technology and social media, people would not have been able to get any work done from home or would not have been able to stay connected to their loved ones. It is easy to lose sight of the fact that social media has done a lot of good and was intended to connect people from different parts of the world for each other’s benefit. It was not created with malicious intent and none of the creators thought of how it could have a totally different face to it than what they imagined. People decide that their self-worth revolves around something as inconsequential as the amount of likes and views that they get on social media. They make careers out of being an influencer and millions of people all around the world struggle to achieve the façade of perfection that is displayed on screen. It has insinuated to put down a lot of the viewers’ selfconfidence and self-esteem which in turn affects their mental health.

 People are having their freedom and right to decide taken away and they don’t realise it. However, with the help of the documentaries like “the social dilemma” and “the great hack”, they are finally aware of how deep the problem goes and just how serious of an effect it can have on people’s lives. Social media is not just seen as a tool that brings people closer to each other anymore. It is seen as a destructive weapon that could cause a lot of damage to a community, instigate hate crimes, terrorise people and ruin mental health. It would be impossible to lead lives without social media in this day and age because it causes a great deal of good and a great deal of harm at the same time which is why it is about time that we, as users, become more mindful and aware about giving our time and energy to the platforms and if we actually need to use it as much as we do now. We need to reflect on ourselves and think about what we say on social media as it can leave an impact on other people as well. Now that we know the adverse effects that it can have, we need to spend more time with real people than we do online. We can very often forget that everyone displays a persona on screen and that it is not a true reflection of a person. There is a lot more to life than a mere screen on a device. Humans should strive to become a real life indicator of the Turing test and identify what is real and what is imitation

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Twitch Streamer AU???

(I planned on pushing out a FEW AU asks, but then realized I don’t even have so many. There’s going to be a FNAC event, but that will be an event, not a specific AU ask, so- I guess this is it! Very cursed AU, thank you very much Anon Small warning for mentions of blood, I think? Nothing too bad.)

Streamers, youtubers, content creators. Some people are all of these, some people are none, and some are just one- because each of them needed a very different talent. Those who could do seemingly everything were few and far between- And they ruled the entertainment scene! Thankfully though, the main three as most called them, were also always out for new content to watch. Thus they boosted those that they saw potential in. With some taking the boost and then going off to do their own thing- And some becoming good friends. It always started with a letter. Mike had the habit to do things on stream, as long as no personal details were not visible on them. He used a false email which he regularly changed, and he generally kept himself as safe as possible. Opening emails on stream could be rather fun, even if it was a risk. Sometimes it encouraged people to send bad things- So to prevent the worst, nothing would be downloaded and all emails containing images would be put into the spam bin. Better safe than sorry, the internet was full of terrible people. This day so far had been successful. And by successful it meant that Mike was SCREAMING. “I HATE SUPER MEAT BOY. I WILL COMMIT VIOLENCE AGAINST MEAT IN A MINUTE. I HAVE A BIG F-CKING STEAK IN THE KITCHEN, AND I WILL THROW IT AGAINST THE F_CKING WALL. I WILL GET A HAMMER.” The chat was going wild, cheering. The chat’s phrase of today was “tender Mikey” and it didn’t help at all. “I DID. NOT. HIT THAT! I DID NOT!” A donation popped up, with a robotic voice. ‘Oh hai Mark!’ “NOT FUNNY! NOT F-CKING FUNNY. I’M SUFFERING HERE AND ALL OF YOU SUPPORT IT. YOU’RE ALL F-CKING MONSTERS HERE, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. AND I’M NOT F-CKING TENDERIZING THE MEAT WHEN I SLAP IT AROUND, I’LL RIP IT INTO PIECES AND CONSUME IT RAW!” Standing up, he genuinely went to get it- And fifteen minute later he had slightly calmed down, his hands and room slightly bloody. The chat was still celebrating and donating- another thing that never failed to make Mike BEG them to stop and use the money for something GOOD and SENSIBLE, LIKE THEM-FUCKING-SELF- but he had gotten out most of the energy. “Alright. Alright everyone. ENOUGH. I gotta stop you HERE. It’s email time.”   A celebratory jingle played, as Mike booted up the website, opening the inbox. Memes, storytime, I’m-not-fucking-reading-that-and-you-know-it, and- One of the emails caught his- and the chat’s- attention, however. Sender: Fazbear Entertainment Topic: Challenge Needless to say- once again the chat was out of control and this time there was NOTHING Mike could do to stop them. After opening the email, Mike slowly took a deep breath and looked into the camera, between concerned and honored- But that wouldn’t be enough to rip him from his carefully maintained persona. So he audible scoffed- albeit him being unable to hide an excited grin. “Alright bitches and bastards in the audience- we’re firing SuperMeatBoy up again. You won’t be catching ME losing to a pink son of a bitch anytime soon!” After the letter- provided it was accepted and responded to, the production happened. The deal was that a teaser was dropped on the big channel- The entire video itself was put on the smaller one, attracting the viewers over and hopefully make them more likely to want to see the other works the creator had put out. It was a win-win overall, the big channel being able to vary their content, testing the water for new things- and the smaller channel getting a boost and a lot of tips from very experienced creators. Henry and Dave were very generous people. Jeremy was sitting there, taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm. So far, everyone seemed to be rather kind, even if Jeremy was basically a complete nobody. Hell, he never wanted to be anybody. He just wanted to stream himself baking, for those who never had someone baking with them. Because baking could feel stressful, especially when you were missing ingredients or- many reasons, actually. Not only baking, but cooking too- Sometimes playing games on request, but not much in terms of requests ever came in. And now he was here in an actual studio, soon to be seen by an insane amount of people. A cooking competition. Sounded silly- you couldn’t really FIGHT in something like that… But… Henry and Dave had promised it would be fun. And they were nice. With and without the cameras rolling. Speaking off- There they were, approaching, their assistant coming along. He wore a weird phone-head, to ensure his privacy. Or something. It was kinda weird, but he had just accepted the answer he got. ���Why, there you are, Jeremy! Would you like to see the equipment we have prepared?” Henry warmly asked, reaching down with his hand to help his guest stand up. “We have gotten a few extra things, just in case.” As they entered the studio, Jeremy’s invisible eyes went WIDE. “Woah- that looks really nice! I love it here! This is high quality stuff-!” “Fantastic!” Pleased Henry opened his arms in his typical theatrical manner- Before being abruptly interrupted by Dave jumping in, halfway over Henry’s shoulder. “ARE YA READY TO GO!? CAMERAS ARE READY!” “Ah- I- I guess- but-“ “YOU HEARD HIM, BOYS! GET IT ROLLIN’!” “W-wait, I don’t even have-“ “Everyone! Welcome to NOTHIN’ AT ALL!” Henry swiftly fitted in, continuing on with the intro. “Todays challenger is the man, the legend, the baker and occasional chef- Jeremy from Baking With Jeremy!” “Wait, what- that’s seriously your channel name, pal?” A bit offended Jeremy looked into the eyes of the people behind the camera. “U-uh- you guys here- I mean- he has literally called his channel Henry Miller! I- uhm- I-“ Snickering Henry put a hand on his guest’s shoulder. “You are very right about that. Say, are you nervous about losing?” “… n-no. I mean- maybe a little. This place here is big and very professional and I’m not used to many people looking at me…” Taking a deep breath, he gave off a nervous smile for the audience. “… yet, I know- it’s a good thing! And as long as everyone has fun, everything will work out!” “Awwwww, look at him!” Dave said, pleased. “You’re so right! We’ll be havin’ fun!” “But also, I will win.” Henry pointed out. “That is when I have the most fun.” Slightly playful Jeremy smiled. “K-keep that attitude, that will make it even easier to blindside you!” Simon whistled, clearly bemused as he held the camera in place- And Henry smirked. “Sure. Anyhow, the stakes are-“ “Steaks? We’re makin’ steaks? I thought we planned on-“ “Dave. I swear to god.” Henry looked at him from the side, before shaking his head. “What is on the line is easy to see- we have roughly an hour to cook the best meal. If Jeremy wins, we will donate 5000 to a charity of his choice!” “And if the young pal loses, he’ll be joinin’ our channel!” Dave chirped. This was news to the brown-haired boy. “W-wait, we never agreed to that-“ “GET TO YOUR STATIONS!” Someone in the back announced. “WHO’S TODAYS FAVORITE?” Simon checked the stream. “The chat says Jeremy is a clear winner. Nobody trusts Henry to keep his two braincells together for long enough to not forget the salt or something.” “Excuse?!” Not only Henry was APPALLED by the chat, Dave joined right in. “Ya guys have NO taste. I’ll be clearly winnin’… but hey, maybe ya peeps don’t know that I plan to cheat!” Surprised Jerry looked over to Dave’s cooking station. “How… how can you cheat at cooking-“ Before he could finish his sentence, he shrieked as Dave pulled out a flamethrower. “HELL YEAH BABY, I AIN’T WAITING 30 MINUTES FOR SOMETHING TO COOK IN THE OVEN, I’LL BE DONE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES MAX!” “W-WAIT THAT DOESN’T SEEM SAVE-“ Henry just raised his hands, cheerful. “Ready… set…” The Phone Guy made eye- well, rotary- contact with Jeremy, slightly raising a fire extinguisher that was by his side. … alright, it seemed the people here were well-prepared for this scenario. So instead he focused on the ingredients in front of him. Almost manic, Henry’s voice rang. “GO!” And… … that was it! Some joined, with amazing results- Mike rubbed his face. “Who thought that was a great idea. I fucking hate this.” Dave next to him on the couch just grinned. “It’s amazin’ what these websites all offer to sell. You won’t be BELIEVIN’ what’s in this box!” “I’M NOT OPENING IT.” “YOU WILL. OTHERWISE IT’LL HUNT YOUR DREAMS. I’LL PUT THIS BOX NEXT TO YOUR BED. YOUR TOILET. ONTO YOUR DINNER TABLE. INTO THE FRIDGE. I’LL ORDER MORE OF THESE BOXES.” “Jesus CHRIST, calm DOWN-“ “I WILL FIGHT YA TO THE DEATH OLD PAL-“ - and some people just went back to the usual pattern, with the occasional raid from Fazbear Entertainment. They asked first, of course. Each of them fulfilled their own niche, each of them had caught Henry’s and Dave’s attention in one way or another. Henry and Dave however- Well, Dave was the varied creator. Henry liked his niche. He played horror, investigated ARGs, read stories about real and fictional crimes against humanity. The world was a terrible place, wasn’t it? Yet he reveled in it. Aside from that he showed extra effects, he built machines and thought everyone one or another thing about creating special effects at home. From dry ice to genuinely ridiculous chain-reactions, Henry showed them it all. Blood too, multiple forms of it, depending on how and where it would be used. Sometimes breaking it off with more light-hearted one-off games and listening to what his community wanted to see… but the most comfortable he was with horror and analysis. He was a youtuber, a streamer, a content creator… … and one thing more. It wasn’t easy to find the code. But his intended audience were a very small amount of people. A small number of strangers. There was no way to know if anyone ever made it to more than one show, but Henry did not care. It wasn’t for them that he did this. Him and William moved down, down below the set, into the lowest regions of the house. The workshop. Nobody really question why you added what to your home if you were a creative person. Even less so if you were a famous, eccentric creator. Yes, the free reign was what he REALLY loved about his job. Maybe he should build his studio somewhere else- But like this it was so much more thrilling! Wordlessly both of them put on their suits. It would hide their identity perfectly- especially the animal heads that contorted their voices a bit. Enough. Today’s participant wore a mask too- another phone head, differently made, different style, but to hide their identity too. However, the voice was in no way muffled. Panicked the person dragged on the chains keeping them attached to the chair. “H-HELLO!? HELLO!? S-SOMEONE- IS SOMEONE HERE!?” A noisy one! Delightful! Both Fredbear and Springbonnie stepped out of the shadows, one form each side. While Springbonnie put his hands gently on the shoulders of the whimpering person, Fredbear stepped in front of the camera, bowing. “Ladies and gentlemen-“ The low voice sounded more like the one of an animal than from a person. Yet it was smooth and comforting. “- I welcome you to yet another installment of our show. I am Fredbear, and over there is my wonderful assistant, Springbonnie. Today we have brought a simple stranger, a nobody who might not even be missed. Thusly I encourage you to truly be creative with your ideas. And while your votes roll in, maybe I point out that next time we will have another little game-show, with quite the effects. We might even get a real bull! You will not want to miss it.” The board above the camera blinked up, as a bitter fight of votes started, everyone wanting to see something else. Three tiers to vote on! Foreplay (light injuries), main course (heavy injury leading to death) and of course what to do with the body. Below it was a little measure for “face reveal”. Some of their viewers really enjoyed seeing the expressions during and after. It came with a risk to Fredbear and Springbonnie, as the victim being recognizable meant their general area of activity was more obvious- thus it was incredibly expensive. They knew there was every now and again law enforcement mixed up between the genuine watchers. It was thrilling too- Yet Fredbear wanted to keep this game alive as long as he could. Thus it was important to hide what they could. Fredbear was a creator first and foremost, an entertainer second- And there was nothing that attracted an HONEST, an UNRESTRAINED, a PURE audience quite like violence. Once blood spilled, humans degraded and it was wonderful. Behind him, the victim began rattling even more erratic. “WHAT- WHAT IS THIS?! LET ME OUT- PLEASE- LET ME OUT- PLEASE- I- DIDN’T DO ANYTHING-“ Burying his hands into the shoulders of Springbonnie downright cackled, enjoying the mania that always accumulated in these situation. “Be still, new friend! The audience HATES too much whining, y’know? And at least you could die with your tongue still intact, wouldn’t that be nicer than having to swallow the thing? Once it almost killed someone, boy, that sure was a bother!” His voice was changed to a cartoonish, upbeat pitch- “While the votes come in, how about we quiz today’s friend… maybe if you are smart enough, they will want you to live! It happened before… o n c e.” Fredbear took out a long scalpel, the face a morbid grimace. “Surprise us!”

[wreckedhoney]

June 2019 – Highlights of Tristan Harris (Computer Scientist, Design Ethicist, ft. on documentary The Social Dilemma) and others before Senate Commerce Committee regarding large tech companies using algorithms and machine learning to influence the public in the context of radicalization from false information and accountability.

The video is sixteen minutes and transcribed, and I’ll paste the dialogue under a cut for this post with some highlights in bold, but I want to share first just one of the many important insights of this meeting:

“…the business model is to keep people engaged…There's a tendency to think here that this is just human nature – that people are polarized and this is just playing out; it's a mirror it's holding up, a mirror to society. But what it's really doing is it's an amplifier for the worst parts of us.���It's calculating what is the thing that I can show you that will get the most engagement, and it turns out that outrage, moral outrage, gets the most engagement.…the polarization of our society is actually part of the business model.”

“…shorter, briefer things work better in Attention Economy than long, complex, nuanced ideas that take a long time to talk about…But reality and the most important topics to us are increasingly complex, while we can say increasingly simple things about them that automatically creates polarization – because you can't say something simple about something complicated and have everybody agree with you; people will, by definition, misinterpret and hate you for it, and then it's never been easier to retweet that and generate a mob that will come after you… subsequent effects in polarization are amplified by the fact that these platforms are rewarded to give you the most sensational stuff.”

Harris: Everything you said –  it's sad to me because it's happening not by accident but by design, because the business model is to keep people engaged – which, in other words, this hearing is about persuasive technology, and persuasion is about an invisible asymmetry of power. 

When I was a kid, I was a magician, and magic teaches you that you can have asymmetric power without the other person realizing it. You can masquerade to have asymmetric power while looking like you have an equal relationship. You say pick a card, any card, while meanwhile, you know exactly how to get that person to pick the card that you want – and essentially, what we're experiencing with technology is an increasing asymmetry of power that's been masquerading itself as an equal or contractual relationship where the responsibility is on us. 

So, let's walk through why that's happening in the race for attention, because there's only so much attention companies have. They get more of it by being more and more aggressive. I call it “the race to the bottom of the brainstem.” 

So, it starts with techniques like pull-to-refresh; so, you pull to refresh your newsfeed that operates like a slot machine. It has the same kind of addictive qualities that keep people in Las Vegas hooked to the slot machine. Other examples are: removing stopping cues. So, if I take the bottom out of this glass and I keep refilling the water or the wine, you won't know when to stop drinking. So, that's what happens with infinitely scrolling feeds; we naturally remove the stopping cues, and this is what keeps people scrolling. But the race for attention has to get more and more aggressive, and so it's not enough just to get your behavior and predict what will take your behavior; we have to predict how to keep you hooked in a different way. 

It crawled deeper down the brainstem into our social validation – so, that was the introduction of likes and followers and how many followers do I have. It was much cheaper to – instead of getting your attention – to get you addicted to getting attention from other people, and this has created the kind of mass narcissism and mass cultural thing that's happening with young people, especially today. After two decades in decline of the mental health of ten-to-fourteen year old girls, it has actually shot up in the last eight years, and this has been very characteristically the cause of social media and the race for attention. 

It's not enough just to get people addicted to attention, and the race has to migrate to AI, who can build a better predictive model of your behavior. And so, if you give an example of YouTube: You're about to hit play in a YouTube video, and you hit play, and then you think you're gonna watch this one video, and then you wake up two hours later and say, “What just happened?” The answer is, because you had a supercomputer pointed at your brain, the moment you hit play, it wakes up an avatar voodoo doll like version of you inside of a Google server, and that avatar based on all the clicks and likes and everything you've ever made – those are like your hair clippings and toenail clippings and nail filings that make the avatar look and act more and more like you. 

So, that inside of a Google server – they can simulate more and more possibilities. If I pick you for this video, if I pick you for this video, how long would you stay? The business model is simply, “what maximizes watch time?” This leads to the kind of algorithmic extremism that you've pointed out, and this is what's caused 70% of YouTube's traffic down be driven by recommendations; not by human choice, but by the machines. And it's a race between Facebook's voodoo doll, where you flick your finger – can they predict what to show you next? – and Google's voodoo doll. And these are abstract metaphors that apply to the whole tech industry, where it's a race between who can better predict your behavior. 

Facebook has something called loyalty prediction, where they can actually predict to an advertiser when you're about to become disloyal to a brand. So, if you're a mother, and you take Pampers diapers, they can tell Pampers, “Hey, this user is about to become disloyal to this brand.” So, in other words, they can predict things about us that we don't know about our own selves, and that's a new level of asymmetric power. 

And we have a name for this asymmetric relationship, which is a fiduciary relationship, or a duty of care – relationships the same standard we apply to doctors, to priests, to lawyers. Imagine a world in which priests only make their money by selling access to the confession booth to someone else. Except, in this case, Facebook listens to two billion people's confessions, has a supercomputer next to them, and is calculating and predicting confessions you're gonna make before you know you're gonna make them – and that's what's causing all this havoc. 

So, I'd love to talk about more of these things later. I just want to finish up by saying this affects everyone even if you don't use these products. You still send your kids to school where other people believing the anti-vaccine conspiracy theories impact your life, or other people voting in your elections. And when Marc Andreessen said into 2011, that the quote was, “Software is going to eat the world,” and what he meant by that – Marc Andreessen was the founder of Netscape – what he meant by that was that software can do every part of society more efficiently, because it's just adding efficiencies. And so, we're going to allow software to eat up our elections, we're gonna allow it to eat up our media, our taxi, our transportation – and the problem was that software was eating the world without taking responsibility for it. 

We used to have rules and standards around Saturday morning cartoons, and when YouTube gobbles up that part of society, it just takes away all of those protections. And I just want to finish up by saying that I know Mister Rogers, Fred Rogers, testified before this committee fifty years ago, concerned about the animated bombardment that we were showing children. I think he would be horrified today about what we're doing now, and at that same time, he was able to talk to the committee. And that committee made a choice differently, so I'm hoping we can talk more about that today. Thank you. 

Senator Thune (R-South Dakota): We know that internet platforms like Google and Facebook have vast quantities of data about each user. What can these companies predict about users based on that data? 

Harris: Thank you for the question. So, I think there's an important connection to make between privacy and persuasion that I think often isn't linked, so maybe it's helpful to link that. 

With Cambridge analytic – that was an event in which, based on your Facebook Likes, based on a hundred and fifty of your Facebook Likes, I could predict your political personality, and then I could do things with that. The reason I described in my opening statement that this is about an increasing asymmetry of power is that without any of your data, I can predict increasing features about you using AI. 

There's a paper recently that, with 80% accuracy, I can predict your same Big Five personality traits that Cambridge analytic got from you without any of your data. All I have to do is look at your mouse movements and click patterns. So, in other words, it's the end of the poker face. Your behavior is your signature – and we can know your political personality based on tweet text alone. We can actually know your political affiliation with about 80% accuracy. Computers can calculate probably that you're homosexual before you might know that you're homosexual. They can predict with 95% accuracy that you're gonna quit your job according to an IBM study. They can predict that you're pregnant. They can predict your micro expressions on your face better than a human being can. Micro expressions are your soft reactions to things that are not very visible, but are invisibly visible. Computers can predict that. As you keep going and you realize that you can start to deep fake things. You can actually generate a new synthetic piece of media, a new synthetic face, or synthetic message that is perfectly tuned to these characteristics. 

The reason why I open the statement by saying we have to recognize: That what this is all about is a growing asymmetry of power between technology and the limits of the human mind. My favorite socio-biologist, E.O. Wilson, said, “The fundamental problem of humanity is that we have Paleolithic ancient emotions, we have medieval institutions, and we have godlike technology.” So, we're chimpanzees with nukes, and our Paleolithic brains are limited. Again, the increasing exponential power of technology at predicting things about us, the reason why it's so important to migrate this relationship from being extractive to get things out of you, to being a fiduciary, is you can't have asymmetric power that is specifically designed to extract things from you – just like you can't have, again, lawyers or doctors whose entire business model is to take everything they learn and sell it to someone else. 

Except, in this case, the level of things that we can predict about you is far greater than actually each of those fields combined when you actually add up all the data that assembles a more and more accurate voodoo doll of each of us. And there's two billion voodoo dolls by the way; there's one for one out of every four people on Earth with YouTube and Facebook are more than two billion people. 

Senator Peters (D-Michigan): Thank you, Mister Chairman, and thank you to our witnesses. This is a fascinating discussion. I like to address an issue I think is of profound importance to our democratic republic – and that's the fact that, in order to have a vibrant democracy, you need to have an exchange of ideas and an open platform. And certainly, part of the promise of the Internet, as it was first conceived, is we'd have this incredible Universal Commons, where a variety of ideas would be discussed and debated, and it would be robust. And yet, it seems as if we're not getting that. We're actually getting more and more siloed. Doctor Wolfram, you mentioned how people could make choices, and they could live in a bubble, but at least it would be their bubble that they get to live in. But that's what we're seeing throughout our society as polarization increases, more and more folks are reverting to tribal type behavior. Mister Harris, you talked about our medieval institutions and Stone Age Minds. Tribalism was alive and well and in the past, and we're seeing advances in technology, in a lot of ways, bring us back into that kind of tribal behavior. So, my question is to what extent is this technology actually accelerating that, and is there a way out? 

Harris: Thank you. I love this question. There's a tendency to think here that this is just human nature – that people are polarized and this is just playing out; it's a mirror it's holding up, a mirror to society. But what it's really doing is it's an amplifier for the worst parts of us. 

So, in the race to the bottom of the brainstem to get attention, let's take an example like Twitter. It's calculating what is the thing that I can show you that will get the most engagement, and it turns out that outrage, moral outrage, gets the most engagement. So, it was found in a study that for every world word of moral outrage that you add to a tweet, it increases your retweet rate by 17%. So, in other words, you know the polarization of our society is actually part of the business model. 

Another example of this is that shorter, briefer things work better in Attention Economy than long, complex, nuanced ideas that take a long time to talk about, and so that's why you get a hundred and forty characters dominating our social discourse. But reality and the most important topics to us are increasingly complex, while we can say increasingly simple things about them that automatically creates polarization – because you can't say something simple about something complicated and have everybody agree with you; people will, by definition, misinterpret and hate you for it, and then it's never been easier to retweet that and generate a mob that will come after you. And this has created a callout culture and chilling effects, and a whole bunch of other subsequent effects in polarization that are amplified by the fact that these platforms are rewarded to give you the most sensational stuff. 

One last example of this is on YouTube. Let's say we actually equalize; I know there's people here concerned about equal representation on the Left and the Right in media. Let's say we get that perfectly right. As recently as just a month ago on YouTube, if you did a map of the top 15  most frequently mentioned verbs or keywords in the recommended videos, they were: “hates,” “debunks,” “obliterates,” “destroys” – in other words, you know, “Jordan Peterson destroys social justice warrior in video.” So, that kind of thing is the background radiation that we're dosing two billion people with, and you can hire content moderators in English and start to handle the problem, but the problem is that two billion people in hundreds of languages are using these products. How many engineers at YouTube speak the twenty-two languages of India where there's an election coming up? So, that's some context on that. 

Sen. Peters: Well, there's a lot of context. Fascinating. I'm running out of time, but I took particular note in your testimony when you talked about how technology will eat up elections, and you were referencing, I think, another writer on that issue. In the remaining brief time I have, what's your biggest concern about the 2020 elections and how technology may eat up this election coming up? 

Harris: Another example of how we used to have protections that technology took away – we used to have equal price campaign ads, so that it cost the same amount on Tuesday night at 7:00 p.m. for any candidate to run an election. When Facebook gobbles up that part of media, it just takes away those protections – so, there's now no equal pricing. What I'm mostly worried about is the fact that none of these problems have been solved. The business model hasn't changed. And the reason why you see a Christchurch event happen in the video just show up everywhere, or, you know, any of these examples – fundamentally, there's no easy way for these platforms to address this problem, because the problem is their business model. 

Harris: This is one of the issues that most concerns me. As I think Senator Schatz (D-Hawaii) mentioned at the beginning, there's evidence that in the last month – even as recently as that, keeping in mind that these issues have been reported on for years now – there was a pattern identified by YouTube that young girls who had taken videos of themselves dancing in front of cameras were linked in usage patterns to other videos like that, which went further and further into that realm, and that was just identified by YouTube, as a supercomputer, as a pattern. It's a pattern of “this is a kind of pathway that tends to be highly engaging.” 

The way that we tend to describe this is: If you imagine a spectrum on YouTube on my left side, there's the calm Walter Cronkite section of YouTube. On the right hand side, there's crazytown, UFOs, conspiracy theories, Bigfoot – you know, whatever. If you take a human being and you could drop them anywhere, you could drop them in the calm section, or you could drop them in Crazy Town. But If I'm YouTube and I want you to watch more, which direction from there am I going to send you? I'm never gonna send you to the calm section. I'm always gonna send you towards Crazy Town. So, now you imagine two billion people, like an ant colony of humanity, and it's tilting the playing field towards the crazy stuff. 

The specific examples of this: A year ago, a teen girl who looked at a dieting video on YouTube would be recommended anorexia videos, because that was the more extreme thing to show. The voodoo doll that looked like a teen girl – there's all these voodoo girls that look like that – and the next thing to show is anorexia. 

If you looked at a NASA moon landing, it would show Flat Earth conspiracy theories, which were recommended hundreds of millions of times before being taken down recently. I wrote down another example. Fifty percent of white nationalist in a study had said that it was YouTube that had “red pilled” them; “red pilling” is the term for the opening of the mind. The best predictor of whether you'll believe in a conspiracy theory is whether I can get you to believe in one conspiracy theory, because one conspiracy sort of opens up the mind and makes you doubt and question things and, say, get really paranoid. And the problem is that YouTube is doing this en mass, and it's created sort of two billion personalized Truman Shows. Each channel has that radicalizing direction, and if you think about it from an accountability perspective – back when we had Janet Jackson on one side of the TV screen at the Super Bowl, and we had 60 million Americans on the other, we had a five-second TV delay and a bunch of humans in the loop it for a reason. But what happens when you have two billion Truman shows, two billion possible Janet Jackson's and two billion people on the other end? It's a digital Frankenstein that's really hard to control, and so that's the way that we need to see it.

From there, we can talk about how to regulate it. 

Senator Sullivan (R-Alaska): Anyone else have a thought on a pretty important threshold question? 

Harris: Is it okay if I check in? Thank you, Senator. The issue here is that Section 230 of the Communications Decency section – 230 has obviously made it so that the platforms are not responsible for any content that is on them, which freed them up to do what we've created today. The problem is if, you know, is YouTube a publisher? Well, they're not generating the content, they're not paying journalists, they're not doing that, but they are recommending things, and I think that we need a new class between, you know… 

The New York Times is responsible if they say something that defames someone else that reaches a certain hundred million or so people. When YouTube recommends flat earth conspiracy theories hundreds of millions of times, and if you consider that 70% of YouTube's traffic is driven by recommendations, meaning driven by what they are recommending, what algorithm is choosing to put in front of the eyeballs of a person, it's if you were to backwards derive a motto, it would be, “With great power comes no responsibility.”

[samslosthoe]

astrology of j2 and wives, Ackles edition.

This is an interesting one. I expected to be a little thrown off by it in one way or another, and you should get why if you read my whining about Jensen’s Pisces. This isn’t one of those relationships where you look from the outside and kind of understand it. I will say that I expected fewer positives than I did wind up seeing, though that’s to do with my own personal biases (about Pisces in relationships as well as D herself) and not the actual compatibility of the chart.

I want to point out that before I do these deep-dives, I don't really look at the charts beforehand. Anything I said before I actually look has been an assumption on my part, based on what I already knew. For instance, I didn't know a thing about Danneel's full chart before doing this and based most of my assumptions on her sun sign and what I know about Jensen's chart. Also, as I go on and do more of these, I get better. The first ones were experiments, and as I gather more information, I have more to say and consider. So I may revisit the original posts and add on later.

So, let's take a look at the Ackles' chart.

For the first go-around of these, I want to say that I'm looking at the charts at face-value. What I mean is that we're putting the tin hat aside and analyzing the chart as if it were the relationship we've been presented with. I may or may not go back later and put said hat on to analyze it that way.

This time, we're gonna start with the positive aspects.

Not unlike the Pads, these two have serious sexual chemistry. It comes up a lot in this chart but isn't all that the relationship is hinged on, unlike said Pads. Since their attraction shows itself in multiple ways, there's also a level of danger with this passion, meaning that when it blows up, it blows up in a big way. This is absolutely common among people with a connection like this--big fights and big sex. I don't find this at all surprising.

What did come as a surprise was that this chart indicates that they tend to lift each other up creatively and they work on joint projects together well. It shouldn't have surprised me, considering that there is evidence to support this, though it is argued amongst the more critical fans how much involvement these two have in the Family Business Beer co. At face value, if you take what they tell us and what they say to the media, the two of them clearly created something that works well and is profitable. The nuance is a discussion for another time, but on paper, this checks out.

Let's touch on some gray areas. I'm the kind of person that takes a basic chart like this one and adds in the situations of reality and tries to make sense of it. In the positive column, it mentions that if they have children, they'll have a happy childhood, and there's a reason why I personally see it as gray.

This isn't a criticism of the couple's parenting; you're not gonna get that here from a childless, anonymous person on the internet. What I WILL say is that every child is different. This chart is saying that as parents, these two will be fun and fantastical, and that playtime comes easy. I think adding in the reality of Jensen being gone for so long, so much of their childhood, and this chart not accounting for the children's charts themselves, this isn't enough information to declare a "happy childhood." To add a bit of my personal bias here, my father is like SUPER dad, right? Well, when I was a child, he worked sooo much and I barely ever saw him. I wound up with plenty of issues surrounding that, despite my memories of actual time with my dad being amazing. Do you see why this is in the gray category?

I'm also gonna add that physical-based attraction in this gray area because many of the other aspects mention how this isn't an intellectually stimulating match. This may also be personal bias, hence the gray, but I don't think you can have a truly longlasting relationship based on physicality. Even when you're as hot as Jensen.

We're onto the challenging aspects of this pairing. This particular interaction in the chart follows up what I said in the previous paragraph: while the connection may be instant, it'll be difficult to maintain. These two people are bound to grow apart unless it's something addressed between them. If they're not careful to check-in with each other, they're likely to wind up with nothing in common anymore.

This next bit really intrigued me and I'm not putting my hat on, but if you know, you know. So here we have Venus square Neptune, which tells you that Jensen (Venus in this case) is very likely to misunderstand D, and he may wind up feeling like he is really the only one in love in this pairing. It says that D may be unfaithful or feel like she has to lie to keep Jensen happy and that Jensen may be seeing things with that romanticized view he has of the world, aka not what's really happening. This is a HUGE danger zone for them, and unless they have effective communication (spoiler: doesn't look like they do), this could be really awful.

We've got another challenge here with this next bit: criticism. If you read my Jensen chart, you'll know a Pisces is going to be reeeeaally sensitive to criticism. Well, they're both Pisces. And what happens when you feel criticized when you're very sensitive? You either lash out or close off. These two are likely to do the latter, which is honestly going to drive a bigger wedge between them than if they blew up in each other's faces. There's another aspect that links to this one in terms of problems, where Jensen will feel like Danneel finds his ideas bland and rigid and he'll find that hard to tolerate from his partner.

I find this next aspect really interesting, given that, as far as we know, Jensen is going to be more home-based after Supernatural unless he has a sneaky project up his sleeve we're not aware of yet. This aspect was taken care of when half of their marriage was spent apart, but if Jensen stays within the home as much as your "average" husband would, they may run into some problems. They're both independent spirits and may find each other very stifling if they spend too much time together.

So in general, what do I think? I think this one really depends on their communication and how hard they're willing to work on themselves to better fit each other. This is where the private nature of Pisces is screwing with my perception: there's just not enough information. And you know what? That's what they want. I really think they'd both hate this kind of analysis, probably for different reasons. The thing is, it's going to be hard enough for them to know what the other is thinking and feeling, and they're married, so I have very little odds of cracking this open when they probably struggle themselves.

Removed from these two, I find Pisces to not do well with another Pisces. It's a slippery mess of emotions and things unsaid but "I shouldn't have to say it, you should already know." Pisces needs someone to pull them out of themselves, to get them out of their heads and into the world so they don't wind up living in an inner prison. Putting them together just perpetuates that, like putting two drug addicts that don't want to quit together. They can bring out the worst in each other.

Pisces as friends? Sure. There will be a creative exchange, they'll have fun dressing up and showing out together, won't feel vulnerable together, and maybe have fun. But that's, in my opinion, an unfulfilling prospect of a relationship and marriage that's supposed to last a long time.

But I'm not a Pisces nor a psychic, so what do I know?

[costazachary1994]

How Can I Legally Get My Belongings Back From My Ex Marvelous Ideas

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Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back First Meeting

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Attracting Your Ex Girlfriend Back

[vandorens-archive]

ten questions tag | i was tagged by: @mshelleys, @emdrabbles, @pe-ersona, @evergrcen and @septemberliterature. thank you so much, and i’m so sorry i’m getting to this so late!

everything is under the cut!

@mshelleys

i. if you could change the genre of one of your wips, what would you change it to and how would the story/characters change?

So, trahison already features a ghost and a brief stay at a manor. have i considered turning it into a full fledged horror because of that? perhaps.

ii. do you think of your characters as actors playing a part in a movie or as people in history actually doing things that effect the future?

i think of them as actors playing in one long, crazy, unpredictable play. 

iii. role swap your protagonist and antagonist but keep their personalities the same; how different would your story be?

honestly, not different at all, because when it comes to it, the subject of trahison’s antagonist (s) is pretty complex. 

iv. are any of your characters based on you, family, friends, or someone else you know?

oh, absolutely. my characters range between self inserts, to characters i wish i was more like, to characters that are essentially walking, talking, breathing love letters to the people i care about.  

v. how long have you had your main protagonist(s) of your wip(s)?

I’ve been working with marin, nate and ruby for years, long before they were even called that and were a part of a dystopian crime novel (don’t ask). antoine joined them soon after, followed a while later by beth and isadora, and miles was invented during the plotting stage. 

vi. do you prefer to write chronologically or just make a bunch of scenes and order them after they’re written?

it depends on what i’m working on and how serious i am about it, but if we’re only talking about trahison, then chronologically!

vii. imagine the problem in your wip is sorted out, how would the protagonist recount the story to their children if they asked?

with a far away look in his eyes and an uncharacteristic fondness in his voice, marin would turn to his children, and tell them how extraordinary his friends were during his university years—their zeal, their inquisitiveness, and conveniently leaving out the uncomfortable loyalty they all had towards each other, until time and life’s commands separated them. 

viii. favorite (non-spoilery) line(s) of your current wip(s)?

This small bit of description, albeit a little purple prose-y, is one that i’m very, very proud of.

“ The morning rain had made its grave in the dirt, the bittersweet smell—like exotic black tea—rising into the air. It was the night pluviophiles came to dance. If I think hard, I can still taste the ghost of the raindrops on my tongue and sense Beth’s radiating warmth beside me; its own ghost ” - trahison, chapter three

ix. if your wip was a movie, could you see it be done in the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s, or 2010s? why that decade in particular?

so, fun fact, i hadn’t decided when to set trahison (see: the big question mark in my plotting notebook) but i have recently made up my mind and decided to set it in the seventies! if it was a film, then i could see it being made in seventies france! very a la the dreamers.

x. are you able to just make up a story on the spot, or do you need help (plot generators or other outside influences)?

sometimes i’ll take the help of prompts or media, but otherwise i just come up with things on my own!

@emdrabbles

i. what do the names of your main characters mean? did you pick them for the meaning or another reason?

i picked the trahison characters’ names based on two things: how much it related to the character’s backstory or personality, and how pleasing it sounded out loud. here are the meanings of their names:

marin — of the sea

ruby — deep red; precious stone; behold a son

elizabeth — god is my oath

nathaniel — gift from god

antoine — priceless one; beyond praise

isadora — gift of Isis

ii. what book are you currently reading?

I’m currently reading the time machine by h.g wells!

iii. last sentence written?

“ When the end of the world comes — I’ll film it ” — copycat, or the one where i predict the future. 

iv. who are some of your faceclaims?

i usually don’t use faceclaims, but if i had to choose:

marin van doren (trahison) — timor simakov

eloi hill (psychophantia) — maxence danet fauvel

cass parker (penny lane) — monica tomas

v. gimme some worldbuilding facts!!

alright, here’s one: in the world of psychophantia, not only is the magic system and your powers controlled by your morals, but so is your social ranking, your education, and any future you may have—to an extent. 

vi. do you outline? if so, do you have a specific method?

i’m a plotter and only really work well with a solid outline, however, my outlines range from a series of messy, incoherent bullet points to meticulous scene-by-scene planning based around the three act structure. this post is my go to for plotting assistance! 

vii. favourite author?

Like every tumblr user ever, i love donna tartt and maggie stiefvater, but i’m also a huge fan of f.scott fitzgerald, agatha christie and vera caspary!

viii. what is your oldest wip?

trahison! It went through many, many changes — from changes in genre to changes in character names, and there’s still a possibility that it could change even further. 

ix. what is your favourite wip?

every wip i reblog under my #others. tag! You all are so damn talented!

x. where do you get your inspiration from?

everywhere around me! from conversations i have with people, from films and books i consume, from the music on the radio — i like that anything and everything can inspire me to create.

@pe-ersona

i. in one sentence, explain your current wip!

a group of secretive students attempt to become immortal, only to uncover the worst parts of themselves — and each other — as they do. 

ii. was writing your main interest or did you have other interests?

although writing is my main interest (see: my social media bio on every platform ever), i also like to journal, sew, cook and make videos! my interests usually do have to do with the intention of creation. 

iii. what’s your favorite genre to write? to read?

I love writing horror and mysteries. those are my favourite genres, but i also love reading a good contemporary romance!

iv. what is one goal you have for your wip this year? how’s that goal going?

to finish the first draft! so far, not so bad, though i do wish i could write more, but unfortunately, time constraints plus school restrict me from doing so. 

v. how old is your wip? or when did you start writing your wip?

trahison is nearly three years old, but i only started writing the current version of it a year ago. 

vii. what scene made you cry or laugh or both?

these lines made me laugh out loud the first time i wrote them:

“ Up the stairs stumbled Miles, my slovenly genius roommate. He grinned at the giggles and winked at the exasperated stares. 

The gall of him! 

I wanted to be him. 

He managed to find his balance enough to reach our dorm. I immediately stepped back to let him in, and to make sure I was in no association with his uncomposed state. Nate gave a disapproving look at his back as he staggered in. 

I took another step back, raised a pointed eyebrow, and closed the door ” — trahison, chapter three

vii. how many ocs does your wip have? who’s your favourite?

my main wip, trahison, has six main characters. out of the main six, my favourite has to be nathaniel. he is very much the epitome of pure, and sometimes i wonder how he ended up in the middle of such a dark plot. 

vii. you have a brand new idea for a wip, what do you do? 

brainstorm, brainstorm, brainstorm. scribble down whatever the hell pops up in my brain, attempt to link it together by a thin string of yarn, cross my fingers and hope for the best.

ix. you are having your first book-signing, where are you?

i’m in a small bookstore, nestled in a corner near the storage room. almost no one knows about this town, so the line is small but chatty, fans exchanging theories and analysing certain paragraphs. the sight of them makes me feel warm inside. 

x. you have the ability to live in any book, publishing or not, what would it be?

would it be too cliche to say the harry potter universe? other than that, other worlds i would love to be a part of is the world in my novel penny lane, or in midst of a detective story.

@evergrcen / @septemberliterature

i. how did you come up with your wip’s title? what does it mean in relation to the story?

okay, so i discovered the word ‘trahison’ after hearing my french teacher say it, and immediately knew i had to use it for something. ‘trahison’ means betrayal or treason in french, which is one of the main themes in the novel. 

ii. do you title your chapters? if so, what’s your favourite?

I don’t, but I would love to!!

iii. what’s a recent line you really like?

Not a very dramatic or noteworthy line, but here’s one from a poem i’m writing:

“ So the two of you get in the car, proceeding to have an argument with the radio ” — examples of easy solutions, or the one where the internet has no answers. 

iv. are there any writing-related quotes you really like?

“i think a lot of art is trying to make someone love you” — keaton henson

v. do you have an idea for a cover design for your story?

A black background with serif text, that’s it. It’s simple. It’s mysterious. It’s the type of vibe I want to exude. 

vi. what sort of au can you imagine your story being?

...dark academia au anyone?

just kidding. in all seriousness, though, i can see a royalty/political au for trahison, or a medieval fantasy au!

vii. which oc would be the most angry with you as the writer?

eloi. i really need to give that poor boy a break. 

viii. if you had to tell the story from a different pov, which character would you choose?

ruby! she’s the token enigma of trahison, so i think her point of view would be very interesting to see. 

ix. what would be your oc’s taste in music if they lived in our world?

OKAY let’s see:

marin — classic rock, so the who, queen, def leppard.etc

ruby — that one person who you’re pretty sure only listens to classical music, but is actually very attuned to modern day music. she would mostly listen to female singer-songwriters, so take lorde, marina, lana del rey, and other such artists. 

beth — take one look at her playlist, and you’ll see that ninety five percent of it is mitski, while the other five percent is bedroom pop. she would like very tender, calm, cry to in bed music. 

Antoine — same as marin, but add other modern day music artists with eclectic sounds, such as twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, that sort of thing.

nathaniel — classical music, instrumentals, and film soundtracks make up his playlist. if it has sung words, he won’t listen to it. has little to no understanding of modern day music and is too scared to find out more about it.

isadora — 2000’s diva pop plays in the background of her life. rihanna is her go to whenever she gets to control the party. Don’t be surprised if ‘rich girl’ by gwen stefani starts playing in your head at the sight of her. 

x. what’s one personal goal you want to achieve by the end of the story?

finishing it with pride!

[fictionalnormalcy]

Face Amidst the Smoke Ch. 1

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1310 Characters: Astrid Hofferson, Hiccup Haddock Summary: Astrid is paired for a project with someone who she is definitely not eager to work with. Haddock has a reputation of being a bad student, just a bad role model in general. But in being forced to work with one of the worst seniors in the school, she comes to see what is under this bad boy's exterior... and she may be getting in over her head.

Forced

There wasn’t anyway to avoid the circumstance. What would happen would happen. I sat in my seat, listening to the teacher saying that by the end of the period we would be in our groups and endeavoring on our latest project. It would take extensive research, brainstorming topics, and then after the paper was complete we would do a presentation. I started glancing around the classroom, seeing the thoughts that were already running through my classmates’ heads. Who their possible options were.

Some would watch the teacher, but once her attention would shift they’d start making gestures with their heads towards acquaintances they made. My friends however, had already started taking out sticky notes from their pouches and starting to write with their lead pencils. Could I be screwed for this upcoming project? I had a mild guess that none of those notes would be coming my way. Even Heather had never spared a glance in my direction. I considered taking a sticky note out of my binder. Maybe try to enter the written conversation before I was thrown out entirely?

She was on the verge of finishing the presentation. Soon enough the overhead projector would flick on, a page would slip under, and she’d tell us to find our groups and then she’d discuss the presentation further. I racked my brain of who were my possible options if my friends would truly leave me alone. I had some in this class, and though we didn’t always hang out I would have liked to work on this project with them. Just work with someone I get along with. This project was a large part of our grade, one of the few that would dominate our finals grades besides the exams. 

“All right class, I’d like you to find a partner to do this assignment. Once you’ve found someone, you’re free to grab one of the packets on my desk, and write both of your names on the sheet. Now keep in mind that it’s one per group.” 

Some people swooped out of their chairs. Others merely started gathering their stuff and shifting their desks so they faced one another. I saw my friends pair up with one another before I could even approach and ask if they wanted to work together. I had effectively been left out. I stared around the room, wondering which final options were left. My binder hung at my side as I stood awkwardly next to my empty desk. I was able to guess who was left without a partner. I couldn’t help but let out an audible groan. Not him. You could  not  make me work with him. Not with a project of this capacity.

“Ms. Hofferson, do you have a partner yet?”

I slumped into my chair. No point in refusing. It could easily be seen. It was only me and one other person left. Hiccup Haddock. One of the worst boys in school. He never gave a crap about anything, he smoked on school grounds, and rumors were that he carried a Swiss Army knife with him at all times. There was a black leather jacket that seemed to be all he ever wore, and he had never completed a single assignment for this class. I  did not want to work with him. 

“Haddock, where is your partner?”

“He’s right here next to me, can’t you see him?” He gestured to an empty seat mockingly.

“I’m afraid you cannot work alone on this project.”

“And why not?” The both of us protested.

“The work is far too taxing. The project is constructed so that it requires the work of two people. So that means, Haddock and Hofferson, you’re working together.”

I snapped my head back to look at him. He smiled smugly, sinking farther back into his seat. There was nothing on his desk, not a pen or paper. Gods this wasn’t going to be pleasant, and I was the one who had to move. I begrudgingly clutched my notebook, and moved to sit next to him. He sat in the back of the classroom, and all I could see was a sagging backpack next to the desk. I slid into the desk, wishing I could turn my back on him, but that wouldn’t work. The desks weren’t constructed that way. 

“I think you forgot to go get us a packet.” He said.

I immediately glared at him. “Why don’t you go do it?” 

“I wasn’t the one who had to switch seats. You were already up anyway.” 

I could’ve sat there debating with him another five minutes, I could have just let the both of us sit without a packet. We clearly were not eager to work with each other. Though I remembered how much this project was worth. If either of us slacked off our grades would take huge consequences. I slid out of the seat and swiped a packet off of the desk. As I walked by my friends I saw Heather give me a look of pity. Pointing to her cell phone when I passed. I dumped the packet on his desk, sitting back down while crossing my arms.

“See, everyone could use a little exercise now and then.” 

I couldn’t help but take in a deep breath and let it end with a scowl. There was a possibility that I would be throttling Haddock by the end of the period. Forcing my gaze to the front of the room, I waited until the teacher had set up her own packet under the projector. She started discussing the project, a blue highlighter poised in her hand to outline important details. My hand was reaching for the packet on Haddock’s desk when he slapped it away. He was skimming the packet himself, flipping the pages with minute responses to the details read.

I waited with my hand extended until he finished investigating. I already had my highlighter out by then, and quickly copied the colorations on the teacher’s paper before she flipped the page. She gave us a short list of websites where we could look for possible topics. We would need to get her approval by the end of the week. The essay would be due first, then a week later we’d have to give presentations. Suggesting to split the work so the pair would get the same amount of work. I let out a whistled breath of annoyance. 

It certainly wouldn’t be equal if I had to work with him. There was a lot riding on this. If the work wasn’t completed, my grade would surely take a consequence. His could only sink lower. This was the semester that would make it or break it for us to graduate. I couldn’t risk being derailed simply because my teammate was a lazy ignorant person. As soon as the teacher finished discussing the project, I turned to Hiccup. Putting on the sternest face I could.

“Look, I know you don’t give a crap about this, but I do. So help me gods, you better do your part or I’ll make sure you’re in more than one piece.”

“Heh.” He had the nerve to smirk. “I won’t put up a debate with you. This project actually seems worth doing.”

“It is worth 20% of our grade.”

“Yes I think I can read.” He gestured to the packet. 

I flicked out my cell phone, opening a tab and typing in a link to one of the websites. I took out an index card, writing down a few additional links before passing it to Hiccup. He grasped it with no complaint, but as soon as I returned to my phone he leaned over and slid it into a pocket of his backpack.

“Those are the links you need to look up. Get to it.”

“Can’t. My phone don’t got access to the Internet.”

[bryonysimcox]

The internal battle of forced monotony: Week 13, Spain

The negative emotions associated with isolation have reared their ugly heads this week. Amid tales of homemade ramen, torrential rain and a new film we’re working on, this post also reflects on the less positive moods that lockdown has gifted us.

Life feels more surreal as each week passes. The end of our sixth week in lockdown also marks a quarter of a year since we set off from England in our freshly converted campervan. When I frame it like that, our overland adventure to date both stretches back into eternity and only feels like a couple of days ago. Little did we know that ‘life on the road’ would entail confinement indoors and restrictions on all kinds of activities, like going to a cafe, seeing friends, making videos and driving through Europe.

There’s certainly something deep within me that is inherently optimistic. Even though if I was realistic about it, I knew that the ‘State of Alarm’ here in Spain would likely extend beyond the date of 26th April (which had already been extended twice), I had sort of psyched myself up towards regaining some of our freedom on that date. So when one morning this week, I flicked my phone onto the website for EL Pais (a major Spanish newspaper) and Pedro Sánchez had announced he was set to ask congress for another extension until the 9th May, my heart sank.

If there’s one thing I’ve wanted this weekly blog to be, it’s authentic. I’ve wanted to use it as a record of where I’ve been - not only geographically, but emotionally, and that means reflecting on the lows as well as the highs.

It’s hard putting into words the feeling of being so helpless in your own life - the feeling I’m experiencing now in lockdown. I guess one way that this helplessness has taken effect is in my increased empathy and consideration for people who live much larger parts of their lives facing uncertainty and helplessness - whether that be living under an unstable dictatorship, drought and famine, civil war or poverty. It’s not that I’ve only just started caring about these people, but in experiencing a fraction of the emotions that they must be going through, my sympathy deepens into something much more.

I’m so used to being in control. I trust that I will wake up tomorrow and night will turn to day; that I will put my keys in the ignition and the van will start; that I will be safe from persecution and oppression and that I will be able to access food and water. Even the element of my life which is the most uncertain as we undertake this overland adventure, which is money, is usually tempered by the knowledge that George and I have the skills and resources to find work, even if it has to be something we don’t particularly like. And yet now, life has thrown us a curveball. Coronavirus has left us spinning out of control.

Not feeling in control of my life has sapped my motivation. I still manage to get out of bed, and get various things done for our film channel Broaden or just general life admin, and I still eat well and exercise where possible. But things have lost their shiny glow, and I lose the energy to focus on a task for long.

It’s not like every waking moment I’ve spent has been devoid of positive energy. Back at the start of the week we ventured out to the supermarket on foot which was a welcome change of scene, I sat out in the sun and bleached my hair with lemon juice, and George learnt to eat crisps in a handstand. We laugh, we have fun and we create little activities like this to pass the time. But somehow, even investing in positivity like this can be tiring. You spend one day trying really hard to be grateful for what you’ve got in this time of crisis, and focus on celebrating the silver linings of copious free time, only to wake up the next day with your energy reserves run dry. Is anyone feeling this too? I know I’m not alone. 

(images, left to right) Bleaching my hair with lemon juice, filming snippets for our upcoming ‘Place Portraits’ video and learning to eat crisps in a handstand.

Meanwhile, frontline workers continue to fight for us all. To save our lives.

The juxtaposition of the chilling images we see on the news about Covid-19 against the confines of the little cottage we’re currently staying in is bizarre. Each day I read new statistics about people dying, articles about PPE shortages and quotes from global health authorities telling us the worst is yet to come.The boredom and helplessness I’m feeling shrink in comparison to the intensity of this global pandemic. My emotions seem petty and mundane, perhaps even pathetic. And yet, something tells me these emotions are still legitimate. That all of our emotions are legitimate, as we each attempt to process the situation and what it could mean for the future.

The future is no longer a thing which feels predictable. We have stepped over the cliff edge, and as each day that the pandemic unfolds, we are in new territory. Of course, one of the opportunities presented by such an enormous global event is the chance to reassess how we live on this planet, redefining the new ‘normal’. 

I have always been interested in the study of the future, and using different approaches to imagine how it may play out. And yet whilst there are opportunities amid the crisis, right now, I’m terrified by what I see. Yes, there are clues and behaviour changes that we can use to project future scenarios, but most of what is in front of us is completely unknown. We don’t know how long we have to work from home, furlough our staff, keep our children educated and occupied indoors or talk to loved ones through a screen. We don’t know what horrors tomorrow’s headlines will bring.

It feels like the world is staring into a dark abyss, reaching out for something to hold onto.

From a selfish perspective, not having any control over the future is a huge spanner in the works. Driving across Europe in a van and working as freelance videographers is the least ‘essential activity’ there could be, and we are conscious that governments have much more to focus on than two British travellers running out of money and desperate to continue their adventure. But it’s still so disheartening to be at the whim of something, something bigger and greater than you, particularly in light of the arduous year we spent preparing for this trip. There have certainly been a few tears here this week, and waves of the same emotions I felt when building the van and knowing there was a chance we would have to give up.

The weather really hasn’t helped lift the mood either. This region of Spain faced endless days of torrential rain this week which rendered the garden inundated and the road flooded. We couldn’t even get out to the supermarket and even worse, a leak developed in the roof of our van! It all felt rather doom and gloom.

(images, left to right) Torrential rain turned the road into a river, the point where we had to reverse all the way back home and couldn’t get to the supermarket, and a neighbouring lane which is closed off by Police.

One of the other realisations that brought me crashing down this week was sussing out that we’ll still be in lockdown for George’s thirtieth birthday. He’s not even someone who cares much for birthdays, but it had always been such an important milestone in my head and I was really looking forward to doing something nice together - going to a restaurant or watching live music or mooching around a city. Hilariously, back when we left Sydney we made a plan with our friends to have a reunion for George’s 30th… in Goa, India! It’s actually quite amusing to see how monumentally wrong we were in predicting the future, as we are thousands of miles off India right now.

All that said, George has been a cornerstone. Not just to comfort me about his birthday, but to be there through this all. We sort of balance one another out, ready with a positive mindset and hug when the other one is feeling super low.

If there’s one thing life in lockdown has strengthened, it’s our relationship.

On a lighter note, George embarked on a grand mission to make the best homemade ramen on Sunday. It all started with the broth, inspired by a zany French chef he follows on YouTube, and by mid-morning the cottage was filled with the smell of this incredible broth combining vegetable peelings with burnt garlic, ginger, miso paste and soy. What started as a broth-making test unfolded across the day, and saw him make handmade noodles, a sticky garlic and sesame sauce, soy soaked eggs and grilled tomatoes. Needless to say, watching George’s ramen odyssey was definitely the most entertainment I had all day!

(images, left to right) George’s homemade noodles (as food stocks were running low), the finished ramen, and the delicious oily and fatty broth in progress.

The two of us have also been working on a new video that will be released on the Broaden YouTube this Saturday (25th April). It’s a far cry from ‘The Hundred Miler’, but hopefully will be well-received nonetheless. It’s called ‘Place Portraits’, and we filmed it back in Paris, in the first week on the road back when temperatures lingered around zero degrees. Whilst we haven’t been as excited about making videos as we usually would be, I continue to be grateful to have a creative focus amid the pandemic, and being stuck inside is forcing me to get inventive with ideas for upcoming projects.

I also love seeing things that people have baked, sung, written, built and performed across the world each day online. The internet can be an incredible place.

As I write this, I reflect on a rocky week battling the internal voices and contradictory emotions of lockdown.

It’s a strangely tiring combination: of not knowing what the future looks like and trying to make sense of a world devoid of human contact or normal routines. Each day, let alone this whole week, has been filled with so many highs and lows that by the evening, I’m left feeling exhausted and churned up inside. 

But we made it. We made it another week in lockdown and I’m so glad I have this blog as a place to reflect. I hope it’s also a place where my honesty (and in this week’s post, my negativity) makes you not feel so alone in your emotions.

As if she knew I needed her right now, Mother Nature has finally blessed us with glorious sunshine and I can already feel my mood lifting. Perhaps the pain associated with this period is also signifying something else: growth. As we face this together, and all of the ugly emotions that come along with it, we learn more about ourselves and human nature, and in doing so, we grow. 

p.s. apologies if this week’s post was all doom and gloom! If it was, may I redirect you to last week’s ‘photo essay’ as a soothing antidote.

[douxreviews]

Star Trek: Discovery - ‘Battle at the Binary Stars’ Review

By JRS

"I was raised to believe that service was my purpose."

When Commander Michael Burnham is convinced enough in her own rightness to attack Captain Phillippa Georgiou, her mutiny earns her a place in the brig – just as the Klingons attack, endangering all that Burnham holds dear.

One of the hallmarks of good writing is that you put your characters in layers of jeopardy. Everything builds and builds until the character is forced to choose something in a way that reveals the uttermost depth of that character. The dreadful algebra of necessity, Pratchett called it. What do you do when you're in such a terrible situation that no answer is good, that you have to choose something awful? What do you do when you realize this only afterwards? One of the good things about this episode is how it applies this rule well. Burnham and Georgiou are each combating the Dreadful Algebra in the second half of this two-part pilot, starting with Burnham waking up nearly-exposed to vacuum and somehow finding a way to get shot into the working part of a ship in a fantastic sequence which neatly ties into the foreshadowing of the previous episode.

Burnham is a Spock for the modern generation. Human instead of half-Human, but both raised by Vulcans – with Burnham internalizing trauma at a deep level in the course of her life, after a Klingon attack takes away her parents. Confronted with a warlike Klingon, she responded. Did she know the weapon would kill him? Was it an accident? I'm not sure Burnham knows. This episode sketches more in depth the past between Burnham and Georgiou; we learn how Georgiou tried to groom Burnham for the role of Captain and was perhaps blinded by her own affection for her charge. When Georgiou confronts Burnham about her actions, after she escapes from the brig, Burnham can't even tell if the motivation for her act is rooted in logic or emotion. It's kind of a big breakdown from the whole 'I am perfect and judging everyone else' position which Burnham held when she arrived at the ship. Does Sarek getting Burnham to act and try to help Georgiou despite Burnham's internal struggles and despair imply there's a lot more to this character than we see here? I don't know, but the connection between the two was effective.

Georgiou isn't forced to analyze her actions with the same depth as Burnham. She obviously wrestles just as much with notions of right and wrong, with imprisoning Georgiou in the brig. The fact that her ship is attacked – that Burnham is correct in her analysis of Klingon behavior – just makes her even more frustrated because Georgiou's truly trying to uphold the standards of Starfleet and continue to spread the Federation. This means the ends cannot justify the means. Redemption is definitely a part of Georgiou's worldview, however – and when the chips are totally down, Georgiou has no problem with beaming over onto the Klingon ship with Burnham to try and take T'Kuvma alive, and is actually pretty fantastic in all the action scenes, as you might expect from Michelle Yeoh.

I wasn't too enthralled with the Klingons in the last episode, but this episode, I thought they brought them along far more. Last episode they seemed about on par with the worst of TOS: cheesy, shiny monsters, often exaggerating racial stereotypes. They hated a trite phrase, "We come in peace." The subtitles were annoying, especially if you watched with closed captions and a sound effect popped on screen. This episode gave the Klingons a little bit of depth, although the Maniacal Religiousish Leader is almost a Trek stereotype in itself. I loved the scene of their invisible ship slicing through the Admiral's and then flickering back. The rescuing of the dead was fantastic, and so was the death of T'Kuvma, played by Chris Obi. Whom do we seek. Kahless. How do we find him? Together. Give us light to see. Forever. Will he hide from us always? Never. This is a far more complex warrior culture than simply Argh! We shall conquer! Still, we never find out the meaning behind their hate for "We come in peace," and while I could possibly come up with a plotsplainer, it feels wrong to have to do so for the freaking pilot.

Georgiou's death was unexpected and frustrating. I really loved the dynamic between her character and Burnham, and I loved the fact that it was two badass women who jumped into the breach and tried to bring back a giant Klingon. It's clearly going to seriously impact Burnham, though. Who, after the crew escapes in a (very cool) pod scene, winds up standing for trial.

And Burnham pleads guilty to her role in all of it, and now sees herself as the enemy. And is sentenced to imprisonment for life. This final speech was badly captioned on the CBS AllAccess app, which frustrated me for 9.99 a month and at the very final moment of the show.

Commander's Log

I'm not sure about the whole thing with Sarek as a mystical advisory Pokémon. DS9, however, also started out with a lot of mysticism.

The body-bomb sequence was really well developed and kind of set Georgiou for me in a Picard-level Starship Captain place. Cool, inventive, caring almost to a fault...

The preview for the next episode isn't captioned, but shows Burnham being shipped to prison and experiencing a lot of weird stuff – and the return of the Klingons. Judging by this, Burnham is going to become an action hero.

I really want to learn more about all of the crew. Some of them don't get named in this episode, which is sad, but they all seemed earnest and interesting. From the preview, Doug Jones will be back as Lt. Saru.

This Trek had a very strong, diverse vibe. Both Captain and Commander were non-white women, who, yay, spoke to each other often about things that were not men. This is causing crankiness on the internet. This alone makes me want to give the show more of a chance.

I know the technology has changed or upgraded or whatever, but isn't this a new timeline or something with JJ Abrams? Regardless, I feel this is a meh point for me. We're in 2017 and we can envision basic technology that people wouldn't have come up with during TOS. Plus, based on my Understanding of Humanity, I could easily see an episode where they give up the holographic technology because it's bad for you and radiation or something, so they have to go back and develop special rooms, or whatever. Connect it intelligently enough and it looks like scifi.

The captions were a big problem for many Deaf and hard of hearing people online. Look, if you want to build an audience, you can't get people to risk ten bucks then slap them in the face. The AllAccess app is the biggest obstacle to my liking this show at the moment, that and the knowledge that it's included with Netflix in Every. Other. Country. In. The. World.

Overheard by the Universal Translator

Sarek: Behave.

Sarek: No matter your shame, gather your strength. Find a way to help those who need you.

T'Kuvma: There is no honor without unity. There is no home for any of us, unless it is shared by all. [Sidenote: This quote makes me feel it's possible there might be Deaf people in Klingon worlds.]

Overall

Much more love from me than I felt at the end of the first episode.

The second episode has me hooked, as long as they can keep the writers away from the Hokey Hooch they were clearly drinking when they wrote the Klingons during the previous episode.

The best parts of this episode were Burnham and Georgiou, for me; my question is, now that half the team is killed off, how can the show continue its momentum? I was going to go with four, but the captioning issues made me go with... three out of five body-bombs.

[bitchiago]

HAUNTING GENEVIEVE / CHAPTER ONE 

(full chapter under cut)

Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church does not believe that the mortal sin of suicide automatically sends the performer of said act to hell. In fact, the Catechism itself says, and I quote, that ‘we should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance.’

The internet is handy for little titbits such as this. A personal favourite that’s been gnawing at my soul recently after trolling question and answer forums the three weeks prior has been ‘one doesn't attend a funeral out of respect for the dead, but for the living.’

I’m new to the funeral scene, the mourning scene in general, actually. Hell, I haven’t even lost a grandparent. And while some of these bits of information come as absolutely knee shaking, leg buckling, hand sweating, anxiety inducing; sometimes you can find something on these sites to calm your nerves a little. Still, there’s very little online about attending the funeral of your best friend who you were knees deep in an illicit homosexual affair with, hid far from both your parents, friends and loved ones.

Point is, I’m doing as much research as I can for my first funeral since it is such an impromptu and particularly confusing one.

One thing I can say, however, that I didn’t need to find affirmation for online, is that this was the first day I didn’t wake up crying my eyes red raw, and, for a matter of fact, the first that I didn’t wake up and immediately have to rush to the bathroom to throw up, which I have been routinely doing since I found out about Molly’s death. This time I rushed and gagged till I had tears in my eyes. It’s involuntary by this point. There’s no other way for my body to cope and catch up with my mind at the same time apparently.

Each morning has been the same since the day I got the damned call. I wake up, check my phone for a text that is not there nor will it ever be, see the texts that are almost always there, then rush to the bathroom and try to make it to the toilet bowl before last night’s dinner spews up onto the hall carpet. I didn’t realise a death could affect you in such a physical way until the end of Molly.

The difference in today, or so I’ve speculated with the limited brain power I’m able to sacrifice for the cause, is that the stress seems to have completely balled up inside of me and made it impossible for me to do anything but think about the funeral. This includes effective vomiting.

I close the PDF I found of the Catechism I never once thought I would find myself searching through and return to my google tab. All the questions I could ask and yet none would explain the clusterfuck of a situation I’m in.

I saw Molly’s mum two days after she found her daughter in her bedroom unconscious. At first she thought she was asleep, then when Molly wouldn’t get up for breakfast, not even when her mother shook her shoulders and screamed her name trying to wake her up, she realised exactly what her daughter was. The empty packet of sertraline gave her enough information for her to piece together how it had happened.

I didn’t find out till the afternoon when Lillian, Molly’s best friend, called me on Molly’s parent’s behalf. (See? The best friend role is taken, what am I supposed to grieve in front of people at the funeral? The one who found out second? The second-best friend?). Ever since Lillian’s call, ever since she said the words and I froze and she asked if I was still there and I hung up, I’ve been ignoring her attempts to talk to me. Dread is not the word I’m feeling to face her again. Or Molly’s parents. Or Molly’s aunt and uncles and favourite cousins I never got the chance to meet over the short-lived school year and summer we were dating.

After typing in a few ‘do I have to cry at a funeral?’ and ‘how much crying is too much crying?’ questions into google, not having the motivation to read a single answer to them, I shut my laptop on my desk and spin round in my chair.

My phone sits perched on my bed beside my pillow, sheets sprawled out in a mess on the bed after my hasty escape to the bathroom this morning. I move to sit at the end of my bed across from my phone. I had been using it less now that I hadn’t anyone to text except for my parents. Still, I seemed to keep it close by and check it out of habit every few minutes. I don’t know what keeps me repeating this ritual knowing full well my lock screen will be the same as ever. Worst of all is whenever I catch myself looking for new texts with that familiar name at the top and I start to feel a little queasy, which is making me worse for wear considering how my mornings have been going recently. I’m thinking of getting a watch instead of a phone.

The contemplative eye contact I’ve managed to hold with my phone shatters when the thing starts ringing and vibrating its way off the pillow onto the sheets. I pick it up and switch it off. It was my second alarm, the one I set last night telling me that I had two minutes till I had to leave for the funeral, in case I ignored the first one telling me I was T minus twenty in hopes of making the event disappear from my calendar altogether. But, and I’m sad to say I’m quickly coming to this realisation, ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. Not even when you wish it with your whole being.

“Genevieve!” I hear my mum call from downstairs. T-minus 0. My alarm had tricked me.

 My mum holds my hand through the whole funeral. At first I pull away, but after the third time she grabbed a hold of my sweaty palm, I try and settle into it.

We sit in the pews, deep in the middle of the congregation, on those god-awful cold hard benches, and I try with all my might to pay attention to the words being spoken by the priest. Love, peace, great tragedy – it all sounded the same. If I really needed comforting, I could google the exact transcript he was speaking from. In fact, I had been doing exactly that for the past week. Every so often I glance around the rows of faces, trying to catch an eye of someone, anyone really, to ask are you getting any of this? To find some kind of connection so I didn’t feel so lost in it all. The only one I manage to find is Jesus hanging on the back wall, right above the priest.

I watch Jesus hang over him, as I do every Sunday morning, feeling strange that today is actually a Tuesday, and feel those same shudders crawl down my spine that I always feel when I look too carefully at the hanging Jesus. Gruesome, it is; I had always thought so. A dead man hanging from two planks of wood, for everyone to see – and the large crucifixes intended for hanging above the altar in churches are detailed things too, they’re created to be a spectacle. The blood dripping from Jesus’ hands are always too real a shade of red to be just paint, and if I ever looked at it for too long, it would look wet.

My eyes shoot down again to the priest, love, peace, love, peace, CRASH! The bloody crucifix could fall and crush him like a bug at any moment. I wonder if he knew. It doesn’t fall. Of course, it doesn’t – it never does. They’re sturdy spectacles, crucifixes are. Detailed bloody sturdy things.

I don’t manage a single bit of contact with any of the attendees. All of the faces remain locked on the priest. They don’t need the contact with me as much as I need it with them. I am alone, even with my mum’s hand to hold onto. Not even God himself will give me a sparing glance to lock onto. I squeeze my mum’s hand harder.

When the mass ends, I find myself standing by the exit, expertly avoiding the priest’s handshake as well as eye contact with the church goers who had done their duty by attending and were now leaving the church to go on with their lives. I fear that I’m going to be stuck in this church forever, hovering around and waiting for my mum who is near the altar, giving her condolences to Molly’s family and trying to make eye contact with me as a last chance at getting me to come over and speak with them.

Molly’s mum had already seen me earlier and smiled, which I returned, and that was about enough as I could manage. We both understood, or at least I hope we did.

I look down at my hands and start flicking my fingers off of one another. Ah, yes, the perfect distraction. Simple enough to not get convoluted and stress me out, but quiet and subtle enough for it not to draw attention from anyone and have them wisecrack something about it to get me talking to them.

As soon as my mum had wished well, we would be leaving.

I look back over to them, but something is different – different as in my mum is waving at me, beckoning me over. Not only that, but Molly’s immediate family is looking at me, too. Only me.

I drop my hands to my sides and dart my eyes to the side. Was someone calling me? Someone in the church foyer, perhaps?

I take a sharp breath and shuffle out of the church and into the foyer, making myself hidden deep into a new crowd. The same church goers – but now not seated and in perfect formation for my hideout.

I glance back through into the church and run a hand down my face.

Yes, it seems at only aged seventeen, Genevieve Walsh has ditched her first funeral and its own grieving family to save her own selfish feelings. Not even a goodbye!

A wash of relief washes over me, an emotion I wasn’t quite expecting to feel today. Then comes a tap on my shoulder.

“Genevieve?”

Oh! Wasn’t I too quick on the relief front? The voice is recognised immediately, it’s the same voice that said the words that tore my world apart just three weeks ago. The voice I had been ignoring ever since.

I stand frozen. Perhaps I didn’t feel the tap, maybe I didn’t hear my name, maybe… maybe someone was calling me in the church now too? I side eye the main church hall again, no… it was too risky. Trading one tricky emotional situation for another when I had just ran tail between my legs from the first? No thanks.

Then something hitches in my stomach – shifts in a way its not supposed to. I feel it. It’s happening. Of all the mornings, I have been training for this. I look dead up and make eye contact with the bathroom. Finally, the morning vom sesh has come to take me.

“Sorry,” I whisper back at Lillian, or I maybe don’t. I can’t be sure. All I know now is that I’m saying excuse me’s and I’m sorry’s at people as I push them out of the way and stumble to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

I lift the toilet seat, kneel before it and see salvation as chunks of Weetabix come pouring out of my mouth, splashing back the holy water at my face.

For a moment, I am not scared. I have not just run from my mother and a grieving family. I am not someone who hides. I’m not connected to the pain that waits for me outside of this cubicle. I am alone, I am safe, and this old wooden door gives me the sanctuary I need to be fine.

If only for a second, I am free.

[martinbstq404]

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[review-saas]

ClientFinda Review - Create A Highly Targeted Lead Database

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ClientFinda Review — Overview

Vendor ==> Ifiok Nkem

Launch Date ==>22–07–2021 (11:00 EDT)

Front-End Price ==>$37 (Will increase soon)

Refund ==>14 Day Money Back Guarantee

Niche ==>Software

Support ==>Effective Response

Recommended ==>Highly Recommended

Skill Level Needed ==>All Levels

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About The Creators

ClientFinda is created and invented by Ifiok Nkem who is renowned as the best seller vendor with more than 10 years of involvement with digital marketing.

During his profession way, he has achieved appreciation for many revolutionary products : ADA Bundle, ListGrow, VidJack, DesignBundle Local, VideoTours360, AdaComply, MailConversio, Content Burger, ViralLeadFunnels, Socicake v3, LocalAgencyBox, etc…

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Q3. Is there money back guarantee?

A. Yes Obviously! you can ask your refund within 14 days.

Conclusion : I hope that my ClientFinda review can help you to make up your mind more accurately & quickly. If you’ve any questions then you can e-mail me to softwareclip@gmail.com without any second thoughts. Thank you for reading. Good luck to you!

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