#that its not true but its just. i just. uehhhhhh i dont know how to describe whats going on in my head without accidentally

[crustuu]

i feel like im manipulating people into liking me. being an incessant asshole "grinding out" socialization with people to "max our stats" like it's a fucking video game. and like i know im human, im a social animal. socialization is Normal and im just Making Friends. but my brain fucking hates me i guess, because when i do it its actually because i have evil motives and im selfish and dont deserve to talk to people. i have nothing to offer, everyone around me is so much better than i could ever be and im just a waste of time. a waste of energy. it feels like i could be dropped at a moments notice when people realize i dont add anything of value so i get scared at any perceived threat. even tho theres no threats, nobodys gonna drop me, im fine, and people genuinely care about me. but also it is so hard to fully believe that, and i dont even know why.